Do Go On - 111 - Unsolved Christmastime Mysteries

Episode Date: December 6, 2017

It's a mystery episode! This year's Christmas Special was recorded live in Brisbane. Matt takes us through five mysteries that occured around Christmas - mysteries surrounding suicide, murder, missing persons and fruitcake! It gets dark at times... but we try and laugh through it!Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Twitter: @DoGoOnPod Instagram: @DoGoOnPod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/ Email us: [e-mail]/Further Reading:https://listverse.com/2014/12/22/10-unsolved-christmastime-mysteries/https://www.therichest.com/shocking/15-creepy-unsolved-mysteries-that-happened-around-christmastime/https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/local/2000/12/05/unsettling-tales-of-the-unknown-dead/25553f3d-208b-43e5-84a1-176b304996aa/?utm_term=.e61fb88c1f44http://www.ospreyobserver.com/2008/08/valrico-family-relieved-with-case-closed/http://unsolvedmysteries.wikia.com/wiki/John_Feigahttps://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/fruitcake-101-a-concise-cultural-history-of-this-loved-and-loathed-loaf-26428035/https://www.visitcos.com/map-area-communities/manitou-springs/manitou-springs-festivals-events/fruitcake-toss/https://www.britannica.com/demystified/is-spontaneous-human-combustion-realhttp://anomalyinfo.com/Stories/1885-december-mrs-patrick-rooneys-fiery-death Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

Listening to right now. I'm just dropping in early. This week's episode was a live on from Brisbane. It was the Christmas episode. I should also give you a quick warning. This episode does tackle some darker things like suicide and murder. And if you're not feeling in the mood for that, to hear three idiots talk about that, maybe skip this one for now.

but I mean it's not really all that different to a lot of the other fucked up things we've talked about in the past. It, but it's just a bit of a roller coaster, I guess. Also, we love doing these live episodes. And Dave's, Dave has posted a poll just to see if anyone in other towns or cities around Australia and overseas would be keen for us to come. So if you're interested in that, get on there and tick your hometown or a place that you could get to if you would come and see a show.

show there and it'll help us figure out where we go next because we really do love traveling around and doing these shows. So yeah, if you're keen, get on to our Twitter at Do Go On Pod, Facebook slash Do Go On Pod or Instagram at Do Go On Pod. And check out that poll. Anyway, on with the show. I'll talk to at the end a bit about some Patreon love. See you soon. The annual Do Go On Christmas special. How you doing? Thank you so much for coming out. My name is Dave Wanachian.

It's not just me here tonight. Could you please give a big welcome to the red bearded Santa himself? It's Matt Stewart. This is going to sound weird, but he's joined on stage by Mrs. Claus Jess Perkins. It is only the second day of December. We may have gone a bit early with the Christmas,

but are we all feeling the Christmish-y vibe in here? Does anybody else hate it every time Dave says kishmish? Well, get used to it because this is the kish-mish. special. I should have brought a little bell that I could ring every time you said it. Christmas, ding! Dave does this thing on the line?

Oh, okay, great. He doesn't sit down until he really trusts the audience. You guys got him quick. I really, I really trust some of you. Point out the ones you don't. Yeah. I agree.

Mainly because you've got a red light on your face, you look a bit like the devil. And you're going to have to work real hard to prove it otherwise. Or not. Okay, yeah, all right. Well played. The other thing we should mention is this episode is actually brought to you by the web series Gamey Gamey Game.

That's a true. That's a true fact. Yeah! I've heard of it. I'm not a fan. I know of it. I haven't watched it. If you like things you've heard of, then you're in for a real treat.

today. Okay, say something that he might have heard of, Jess. Vegemite. Sorry, Tim. Have not heard of it, have. You wasn't as excited about that. He fucking got us. Ah, this is going to be fun.

Hey, just by a round of applause. Who do you guys like the most doing the report? Is it me? Okay. No, no, no. The hesitation was like me. Yeah, they're all like. Is it Jess?

Or is it Dave? I've heard of him. Because I got up... You are him. I get it. A little twist there, a little twist, which made it funny. Comedy's fun. So I'm staying with my sister.

He lives in Brisbane, right? Obviously, that would be weird otherwise. It's a long commute from Melbourne. She's very supportive. So the first, you know, I checked in or whatever you do when you stayed at a friend's house. I don't think you check in at a family's house. I think you just arrived. It's a weird system now that you mention it.

It was weird. She goes, uh, surname. Same as yours. Same as yours, mate. It's a coincidence. But the first thing she asked me after I checked in was, um, that's her laughing. First thing she asked me, she goes, oh, who's doing the report on this episode? And I said, oh, it's me actually.

And she said, oh, I really like Dave's reports. Thank you very much. We all like Dave's reports, but we have to suffer through Mats. Sorry about that. It's my report this week. Should we get Cracken on the show? Okay, so we always do this at a live show.

Can we have a big round of applause if you have ever heard the Do Go On podcast before? Or if you've heard of it. Great, great, good, good. I go ahead. I've had a round of applause. We met a father out there. It was great to meet a dad.

It's always good to meet a dad. It's always good to meet a dad. It's a real pleasure. Love them. Give you a round of applause if you are a dad. Why'd you say that like, yeah. Yes, it's a beautiful thing. But give me a round of applause if you've never heard the show before.

No shame, no shame. Right up front. Awesome. Do you want to, sorry, I interrupted you there. Are you trying to segue into explaining the show for the people who haven't heard it before? Explain to you and to the people that haven't heard the show before what it is. It.

And it is very hard to explain, as we've found over the last 110 weeks. So what happens is one of us, oh God, I've already fucked it, is given a topic to report on, usually nominated by a listener of the show. And this week it is Matt's turn to report on a kishmish topic that Jess and I don't know what it's going to be. Despite the fact that I'm staying with Matt's sister as well, thank you very much. And he's been giving me little clues over the last sort of 24 hours of what the episode is. I still have no idea, so I'm excited, I must say. I'm not excited.

Nah, I got him again! I'm sorry, I've had half a cider. They gave me another one. We're in a lot of trouble today, guys. So the question is... Oh, he's standing. Yeah, I was feeling uncomfortable. All right, teach.

Why don't you blow our minds? Are you going to wrap some Shakespeare at us? Let me turn the chair backwards. Matt, Matt. You're so cool. He's so cool. Yeah, I'm starting to believe it myself. It took a while, but yeah, I do believe.

All right, here's the question. Okay. I've just come up with it. And the topic is weird, all right? So here's the question. This week's subject was put up to the vote by Patreon listeners. What one do you think they chose? Okay?

So there are three options. Oh, okay. Option number one. Silent Night, the World War I Christmas Truce of 1914. Oh, that's very cool. Is it Iceland's... No, you shook your head. You don't want that one. You don't want that one. Did anyone in here vote on this?

Yeah. Yep, a few people. Okay. All right. Tim. Well, seeing as it was nearly everyone voted for one topic, I reckon you probably would be happy with this, hopefully. Or was it number two, Iceland's Yule Lads who were like cool Icelandic Santas. Yeah, I could... I got that from Yule Lads. Yeah, great.

Yeah, I like that so far. Or is it C or three, depending on the system I've been using? It's as appropriate. Is it unsolved Christmas mysteries? Oh, okay. All right. Let me think. Dave.

I think we're going to need a moment to try and figure this one out. Anyone in the crowd? What did you vote for, sir? See. Yule land. You'll laugh. But we also... Okay.

You may be disappointed. You can stay, but just don't laugh the rest of the show. You don't get to do that. Like, I'm so naive. I really thought it was going to be Silent Night. But Silent Night didn't get a voter. Or maybe you got one vote. Maybe they knew I'd sing.

Yeah. They're like, no. Anyway. No one voted for that. Well, a big fuck you to the Anzax, isn't it? Shame. Shame. You're not. It's very cool. It's his only argument and it's a good argument.

Ullads. That was great. Okay, I think it's unsolved mysteries. It is unsolved Christmas mysteries. Cool. So I've gone through, they gave me an article, or I call it an article, others would call it a listicle. And I've selected some of those

and I've found some of my own, and I've come up with five unsolved Christmas mysteries to take us through it. Sorry, I need to stop you there. It's actually unsolved Chris-Mish-Mish. Sorry. It is very fun to say it. I've actually got a little speech impediment where I say Christmas.

It's embarrassing and it has caused me a lot of bullying over the years. But how do you say mystery? Oh, I say mischery. This was suggested. You can't do it. I can't do it. I have to go. 100 on none at all.

This topic was suggested by Jackie Bonifan. Oh, yep. Jackie, you're here tonight. No, Jackie's from Melbourne, I'm pretty sure. Jackie, have you driven here tonight? It's 3.50 in the afternoon. Everything you've said is fucking dumb. Well, maybe Jackie is on her way and she's going to be very disappointed.

You're just such a showman, you know? And tonight we're playing for... How do you want me to do this? So they've all kind of got a heading. Do you want me to get into it? Because the headings always give away what it is. Oh, okay. So maybe I just won't read out the headings. Okay, maybe just redact any words that we'll give it away.

Wanted to drop in the word redact. All right. All right. This first one's called the Pleasant Valley Memorial Something, Something, Something. Okay. So far, I don't have any ideas. One of those words I redacted was mystery. Probably could have left that in.

Yep. Let me take you back to December the 16th, 1996. So they're all Christmas time. Sure. Mysteries. Oh. Yeah. Okay. I thought that was going to need an extra explanation.

Now... What time of years is this? Christmas. Uh-huh. Christmas. I had a tea to the end. We're at the Pleasant Valley Memorial Park from the title of this story. A cemetery in Annandale, Virginia.

In the darkness of the early morning, a red-headed woman around 60 years of age sets up a miniature Christmas tree decorated with gold balls. Does she dye her hair? Yes. Good, good. That's the mystery solved, all right.

Topic number two. Next to the tree, she laid down a plastic sheet on the ground. She was wearing a blood-hooded jacket. That is probably a weird auto-correct. Blood-hooded jacket. I don't know what I'd say blue-hooded jacket. That's really different That is very different

She was wearing a blue hooded jacket Over a blue jumper and blue trousers Okay So was you wearing a blue jacket over some blood trousers Yeah Yeah, this is a confusing system She also wore a gold watch And a 14 carat gold ring

And had a small backpack or satchel But which one? Or knapsack Well the article said knapsack But I really wanted to make sure I was changing some words Yeah, you might think we copy and post this shit We do not

I really should shout out to the Washington Post on the same I've changed most of the words slightly She sat down I mean I changed blue to bloody She's wearing a bloody hood of jacket Yeah, I would have got here

A bloody hooded jacket All right, all right, settle down She sat down on the plastic sheet And drank a flask of brandy She had a cassette player with her with the headphones over her ears. She listened to her tape of Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner's classic 2,000-year-old man comedy routine.

Okay. Which I watched today. Yep. And is it a classic? I mean, it's definitely a classic. I don't think comedy travels that well. Over 2,000 years. Mel Brooks is very funny.

It's a very funny man. A couple of legends of comedy. I mean, no disrespect. All right. So she's listening to this comedy. routine right then she on cassette on cassette this is 9096 so 90s a good year a good year

some of you have not been listening at any of the story just waiting for a year a good year what are we talking about it makes me so happy like oh yes she is very sad yeah it's so nice to see her feel happiness every now then

because god she's a sad woman do you go on So she's listening to this comedy routine, right? Right. What a weird setup. Does anyone... Anyway, in a cemetery. So...

It almost immediately gets out. Then she pulled out... A gun. A plastic bag and a roll of masking tape. Uh-oh. She put the bag over her head and taped it down around her neck. Alrighty.

Keeping it light. I just don't think this routine's very funny. I'm doing Mel Brooks word for word. This is... She then put the tape back in her backpack, or satchel, or knapsack, if you're going to be accurate to the story. And we do. Lay down and suffocated to death with Brooks and Reiner's comedy playing in her ears. Do these topics go from light number one and the fifth one to the darkest?

Because if so, this is going to be... Yeah, they get increasingly darker. I switched the order around before. The one that I had started off before, I'm like, too fucked. I'll leave that for later. It's nice that we have some very young gentlemen here in the audience in the front row. Perfect. I mean, young gentlemen need to hear the truth.

This, hey guys, this is the truth. Go home and spread these words. This is life. We're all just heading towards death. And it will come eventually. You realise that when you're older. But one day we'll die. To be honest, this is probably not the standard way to go out.

But if I'm being... Do you think Mel Brooks knows this? I reckon he... Oh, I'd be fucked. Imagine finding out that somebody had been listening to us. Oh, boy. You did this to us. You did this?

Obviously, trigger warning. Fuck. This is not the worst one. Great. All right. Well, everyone get in the right head space for it because it's going to get dark. So that all happened early. In the darkness of the morning, right?

She was found by cemetery workers around 9 a.m. And they called police, and they nearly immediately came. Richard Perez and Mike Headley arrived within an hour, and her body was still warm. There was nothing... Yeah, no, that was right. Would you have preferred a cold body? I just prefer not to know that note.

I don't want to know the temperature of the body. There was nothing in her pockets to identify her. All they found was a note with two... crisp $50 bills. The note said, deceased by own hand, prefer no autopsy, please order cremation

with funds provided. Thank you, Jane Doe. Well, I think we know her name now. Why is this a mystery? Solved, done. The case has frustrated Perez ever since. This is a quote from him. He said, if she's a drifter,

she's the best kept drifter I've ever seen. People were saying she's probably a drifter. Right. He's like, with the gold watch and the ring, with the Diamontis and the Carottis or whatever. Whatever they do in those things. So anyway, Perez said, am I sign that name right? Perez? That can't be right.

Probably Perez. Perez. I prefer Perez. Syllibles are very confusing. Anyway, let's just have a quick poll. Yesterday. Always up. We were...

Welcome to the light show with Dave Lorneke. We were to see. sitting around the, talking around the fireflies. Oh, fuck off. The topic of sharks came up. I gave out one of my classic trademark facts about sharks. They have no bones.

But instead, they have something else. Does anyone have a guess what they have instead? I heard, I heard, I heard, a resounding cartilage. Cartilage, right? Who says, no, I believe it is pronounced cartilage.

And we laughed and we laughed. Who's worth me on? Anyone with car? Anyone? Please, I need this. I need this. Cartilage or cartilage? Fuck off, Dave. The best thing about that is he really believed he was about to get 120 people. Mainly because when we googled it, it said that I was right. Yeah, what's the point?

What's the point? Look, you're not wrong. If you take this away from me, you take away everything I have. But to be fair... Which is not a lot. No, don't pity him. He doesn't deserve it. To be fair, any conversation that occurs between the three of us could be argued with what's the point.

So it's about standard, yeah. We fought over cartilage for a bit and then... Carthage. It's adorable. You nailed it with that pronunciation. It's so cute. How wrong you are. Anyway, Perez.

Perez. That's not right, is it? Perez. Perez. Perez, yeah, great. What's comfortable? Perez. Okay.

Perez it is. Perez said, if she's a drifter, she's the best kept drifter I've ever seen. Yeah, we had that one, mate. I'm recapping. Anyone just walk in? All right. And the site of her suicide, Pleasant Valley,

was unlikely to be known by a drifter. Pleasant Valley, too. It doesn't seem very pleasant, does it, at this stage? Well, for suicide. And what do you mean she doesn't know? Drifters just physically can't know of it. They can't know of it. It's got a little like an invisibility cloak over it.

Yeah. Right. You put on your rich man glasses and then you can see it. Yeah. Yes, Dave. Cartilage. She had a scar on her stomach, which may have been from a C-section,

and she died in the section of the cemetery where infants are buried. So there were some theories... Matt, for fuck's sake. It's this. The Christmas episode? I mean, to be fair, the people who voted for mysteries kind of did this to us, but... Yulbo!

I agree. The Yule boys. I mean, that's not what it's even called. You're lads, mate. Disappointing. Yeah, no, like reading that, I didn't even realize, but yeah, that is fucked. But anyway...

So there are theories that she was potentially mourning a loss. No, everyone picked up on that, yeah. That's why every person went, oh, and you did that to us. But discounting that was that the section she was in were all very new

infant graves, and her scar dated back a lot further. Still getting groans. Still not helpful. Oh, fuck. How's everyone feeling out of there? They're just checking in. I don't know if I'm helping or making it worse.

I don't know. Well, I'd say you're definitely making it worse. For you or for them? For me? No, I don't care. So she had no receipts in her pockets, which made it even harder for police to retrace her steps. Most people don't think about that when they commit suicide, Perez said.

I don't think about that ever. I'm never like, well, better put this receipt in my pocket. But apparently in a similar situation, normally there'd be receipts and they'd be able to trace some stuff back and figure out who it is. Everyone, check your pockets right now. How many receipts do you have that would trace your last week? I have, in my pocket, I have lip balm.

So they could trace. They're like, why her lips so soft? Ah, Jess Perkins. Softest lips in showbiz. Do we need to... No, I'll go around. Time out. Oh, you're a cool teacher.

We're nearly... This is the first of five, all right? We're going to push on. Don't look at me with those lips. Her lips are looking at me. It's very disturbing. Noting the money left for cremation, the lack of receipts, and the typed out suicide note,

Perez said, this lady appears to have taken a thoughtful effort to leave us no clue as to who she is, and she's got it all plotted out. There's only two L's in that all, but it was a bit of editorial work. I don't think I've had another case that's beaten me up like this one.

I'll go back here now. No, no, give us the final sentence of this. Her identity remains a mystery. All right, I'm coming back. This next one made me feel really sad. This is why I pushed it back to number two. Number three, I've made a lighter one for number three, all right? So hang in for number three.

Someone in here. I just spoke it to my drink. That happens at least once every podcast. It's not the first time I've done that. All right, now bring it down. Do we all have fun? Was that fun? Remember that. When you leave, remember that bit.

And when somebody says, how was it? You go, that part of it was fun. Yeah, parts of it was fun. We've been having so much fun in Brisbane, right? Last night we gate crashed a 40th birthday. Yeah, we did. And that guy, we told that guy to come. Are you here, most beautiful Tom?

He's not easy. Oh, what a dog. What a dog. What a dog. It is the day after he's four. I was saying last night. That was his present. We said, you can come for free to our podcast tomorrow.

And of course, he politely said, yeah. You'll be there as if he was ever going to come. I really thought he would. Stop pitying him. None of us deserve your pity. We've got your money. You own us. All right.

I'm going to read out the full name of this one, and you guys will see that it is, you know, quite a Christmasy topic. Topic number two, the murder of Erica Richardson. You feeling festive? In 1997, Erica Richardson was a 33-year-old living in Valrico, Florida. Great, so that means now she'll be 53 years old. Right? Yep.

Good. End of story. So the first section is going to talk about how good her. life was. What the fuck is wrong with you? Can we make this an option? Like you had the choice of the three topics you'd put up for vote and you put up

a fucked one and of course they chose that and now we've got a hundred and twenty people sitting here going I got to call my mum. But these are the people who like this stuff. Do you like this stuff? Yule boys. We are losing them. Brisbane is a

sunny place, I forget. In dreary Melbourne, people love sadness. Anyway, so she's 33, she's living in Florida. She had a degree in microbiology from the University of Florida and was running a pharmacy, having recently completed her postgraduate

work in pharmaceuticals from Howard University graduating Magna Cum Lord. Tell us more about this cum lord. The next sentence, because I didn't take the time to check it, the next sentence I've written is, I assume that's meant to be pronounced differently. Yeah, it goes,

Dr. Professor, back to Mr. Then Cum Lord, right? Magna, Cum Lord. She bought a house in Valrico and things were going very well. She started dating a man named John Milton Fager,

and you know when they've got three names that they're good people. I was literally going to make a joke about three names. Get out of my head! Sorry, everybody. But I think that they do that in America so that

when someone has done something bad other John Fagas don't get sort of cast with the same brush sure that's not the saying is it cast with the same brush painted tard we've had a few good options there

they're all better than mine casted with the same brush yeah you don't want to be tarred with the same cum lord right no one wants that I certainly don't not again anyway We've had an, oh my God, we've had it. Oh, no, please.

What a fun time. Like they're begging for their lives. Love Brisbane, love you guys. They started dating. They were getting on great, and soon he moved into her house. Before too long, though, this relationship started to fall apart. Fager proved to be a jealous and violent man, and she kicked him out of the house. But this didn't stop Fager. He started stalking Erica and harassing.

her at work. And turning, yeah, I hate this one so much. This one's... I mean, you wrote it. It was the first one I put in and I regretted it later. I'm like, I spent hours on this one. It's not going to be good. Look, all we can hope for is that we won't get through all five.

That's all we can hope. I've saved some gold for later. Great. Let's push through this one. Awesome. This led to her taking out a restraining order against him, but some reports state that when the restraining order expired, they started dating again.

Around Christmas time, 1997, Erica was out shopping for Christmas with her mother Imogen at a local mall. When they were heading back to their car, Fager appeared and he wanted to talk to Erica, and they went off together and her mum headed home. The next day, Erica didn't show up to work. Her mum, Imogen, called the pharmacy at 9.30, and her co-workers hadn't seen her. This worried her mother greatly, so she drove around to Erica's house to find out what was going on. She looked through the window to see blood on the white carpet So she called the cops immediately

Is why you don't get white carpet? Was that blue on the white carpet? What's going on? They blew on the white carpet, no, that's not quite right. Make it become blue on the carpet. I felt too respectful to go there, Dave. Look, I don't know how this ends, so I could still be a good person. Probably not.

When they arrive, they find... Erica dead. She has been brutally murdered, stabbed 67 times. Fager's truck is parked outside, but Erica's Honda is missing. The prime suspect is Fager. A search leads to the Honda being found in Louisiana, where Fager has family, there is no sign of Fager. It's as if he's vanished. The crime scene showed that there had been a struggle and someone else's blood had been mixed in with Erika's. It was thought that the blood was Fagas, but without a DNA sample from him it couldn't be proven. Years go by and there is still no sign of Fager. This was until 2008, over 10 years after the murder when his whereabouts were finally known.

For nearly 11 years, Fager was a John Doe body at the St. Mary's parish coroner's office. In June 2008, Fager's DNA was searched in an FBI computer software system and dental records from the US Army confirmed that it was Fager. His body was found in a St. Mary Parish River by a tugboat in 1998 soon after the murder only a few months later not only was it confirmed that the body was his blood samples from Erica Richardson's

apartment were resubmitted for testing and DNA from the crime scene and the unidentified remains were a match so I was confirmed that Fager was the murderer so that obviously wasn't the mystery part the mystery though oh twist what

the mystery is what happened to him he died He was murdered. He was murdered before he was dumped into the river. But no one knew who killed him and why. And the case remains unsolved. That is the mystery. Oh.

I liked it. So the family, like Imogen has been very public. Apparently she went through a very tough time early, obviously where she just shut herself in her room. But eventually she started going out and doing a lot of TV spots and talking about it, trying to find out who was. it was and she's happy now that it's sort of

been solved but she really wishes that she could have seen him face to face and go what the fuck did you do this for sort of thing she's still like missing that little piece of her but she's happy that he's dead so it all ended happy there all right guys

when I say Mary you say Christmas so there's only one more murder to come just um this next This next topic is called fruit cake. And it was suggested by a listener called Eric from Edmonton. He thought this would be a good Christmas topic. And this is what he wrote.

Fruitcakes. Despite all logic, people buy these bloody disgusting things with little or no intention of actually eating them. No one really wants them. That's why calling someone a fruit cake is derogatory. Why are they still a thing? It's a mystery. And we get hundreds of emails like that every week.

And obviously I thank Eric for the suggestion. That was great. It's a tricky one to answer. Why are they still a thing? I have no idea. But I have looked into their origin according to the Smithsonian magazine's website. The ancient Romans made something reminiscent of a fruitcake

as a sort of energy bar. But the modern fruit cake can be traced back to the Middle Ages as dried fruits became more widely available. And fruited breads entered. Western European cuisine. Fruited breads. Fruited breads. Since then, regional variations

have popped up around the world. You're actually talking about fruit cake. Including... You're talking about the history of fruit cake. I'm just clarifying. Better than baby death, well played. Please go on with fruit cake. Just a little palate cleanser.

Before more baby death. Have you heard you guys, with Italy's pan forte or however you pronounce that. Close. Apparently it literally means strong bread. Yeah. And that is a fruit cake, all right, great. Germany's stolen?

Dave, you might be familiar with... I have a German name. That's the only connection. It's got German heritage. It's the only thing I'm allowed to say. I think someone just whispered he's a Nazi. I am not a Nazi. That is not a joke there.

I'm not. Guys, guys, guys, he's not. He was. Never, never was, never will be. Oh, don't say, never say never. I reckon I might say never on this one. Anyway, I love a fortit. That was kind of Scottish.

Grandpa was born in Scotland, so there you go. I love a forte. Get it in Mataget. In my tagget. Get it in my target. That's something that Dave Warnocky just said. That was dumb. It does happen.

It will make me edit it out, but you guys all heard that live. Every episode. I think the hardest part of this podcast is editing all the dumb things Dave says. We record for about four hours a week. But I will ask you to believe in the true pronunciation of cartilage.

Cartilage. Cartilage. I don't think so. Were 120 Brisbane people ever been wrong before? We're Glenda! You guys love that, right?

Yeah. I get you. I get you. How good is Jonathan Thurston? You guys love being yelled at, yeah? Like, you have the state you live in. being yelled at you, yeah? Thurso is actually from FNQ so they don't like him down here.

What you don't understand is... North Queensland want to split off from South Queensland. He doesn't understand you guys like I do. So sorry. Catalage. What was that one you were saying the other week?

Cadarva. Cadarva. That was wrong as well, right? Yeah. You fucking Queenslanders. Anyway, the mystery here is no one knows why fruitcake has become a Christmas tradition. That's a mystery. Ooh!

According to the Smithsonian website, which is... Very kind, but don't clap him. But hopefully to save this section, there is a little fun fact here. Okay. I love this and I really want to go to this thing. In Manitou Springs, Colorado, there's an annual fruitcake toss event. Is it launched by the Magna Cumb? Do you just want to say Cumb Lord again?

Sorry, did you hear what someone said in the front room? No, she died. We could gloss over that one little detail. You get a cheap cum gag away and we'll all be happy. A cheap cum, the Dave Warnocky story. I regret absolutely nothing. Guys, can you believe the web lowered the tone of Queensland? They were classier before we arrived.

cop that everybody involved. That really didn't leave anyone out, did it? Great face. Show it loud and proud, baby. So, the fruit cake toss. So according to their website, the fruitcakes will fly once again. Join in for some old-fashioned tossing

of those maybe not so beloved holiday desserts. There will also be a fruit cake costume competition libations and a fruitcake bake-off. They're throwing them and they're baking them. People spend hours baking them and someone just grabs them and goes, yeah! So wait, they're even acknowledging that nobody likes fruit cake. Yeah.

So let's just stop making it. Well, all right, now this next sentence is the most confusing one I've ever read. See what you can make of this. A limited quality... All right. Yeah, it's very confusing. Is they confusing? A limited

What do they mean? A limited quantity of fruitcakes are available to rent. It's very strange. I feel like a fruitcake, but just for like an hour. Just a bit. Before you rent it, you've got to like examine it and take photos up just in case

they accuse you of damaging them. Yeah, you've got to leave a bond. Competitions have included the hand toss, kids toss, launch, pneumatic gun or cannon. Sorry, just stop me right there. The kids toss. I mean, can you rent a kid for that?

Yeah, yeah, of course. They got it all. There's also the team catch and the accuracy division. Can nerds are going to this. I will be there next year. Once the fruit cakes are launched, they are collected and given to a food bank. What a generous donation. Here you go the poor. Have these things that we thought

were such funny food that we threw them into the air. Eat and be merry. Colorado, you disgust me. Nah, good on you. Why are you looking at us? You're doing the report. Yay. What, what, any, any theories? Any theories, what do you think happens to fruit cake? Why is, why is fruit cake? Why is fruit associated to Christmas? Mystery number four. This one. Oh no. So now we've had that pallet cleanse.

Are you guys all ready for the murder of Latricia White? Oh, for fuck sake. Texan Latricia. Commit to that, please. Texan Latricia White spent Christmas Day in 1993. Very, a lot of 90s sadness. In 1993 with her boyfriend Lee Wakahagen. All right, so is that his middle name?

That's... Lee is his first name. Waka Hagan is his surname. His nickname, Dub. Hey, what's up? They call me Dubb. I assume it's short for W. I have no idea.

Oh man, my last name starts with the W. New nickname, please. So, Dub. He may be a real big dubstep artist, I'm not sure. but I doubt it. As in my. So she spent Christmas with Dub and his son Chance.

Oh, okay. I liked it, bud. Dub and Chance. You also want to name your child Gary. No offence to any Gary's. So much. Any Gary's in the house? Oh, you fucking losers.

All right, great. On the 27th of December, a few days passed, obviously, after Christmas, Letricia's dad was getting worried as he hadn't been able to get in contact with his daughter for a few days, so he visited her house where he found her dead in her bed.

I've done all I can. She had been shot six times. You want to update that lovely comment? No, still happy with lovely, all right. Dub was known for having a violent temper and was seen in a heated argument with Latricia shortly before Christmas. So he was the main suspects,

and suspect. Wow. He played all three roles. Wow. Dubbed was two people. Oh yeah, did I mention that? Dubbs multiple people. And a warrant for his arrest was put out.

But he and his son, or as I've written here, he and his song chants were nowhere to be found. I mean, in a lot of ways I could have just kept going. But I didn't want to let you guys know that I'm not an idiot. three days later

Dub's truck Dubstruck Poor man's thunderstruck Yeah I'll have a drink on that one Dave that was funny Thank you Pity you've brought it down By talking about murder this whole time

And the fruit cake Thank you Thank you Thank you the devil over there in the red light When you're talking about murder so much That the devil complains It's probably a little too much Sorry, go on.

Three days later, Dub's truck was found abandoned in a field 50 kilometres away from the scene of the crime. Items left inside the truck included Dub's wallet and a bunch of unopened Christmas presents, all clovered and covered in blood. But it's just the wrapping that's covered in blood. Yeah, if you guys are worried about the presents being soiled, it's only on the wrapping. Open it up! The Super Soaker will be fine within. Okay.

It's filled with blood. You did this. You guys know how hard reading is. The blood was assumed to be that of Latricia's, but when tested it did not match. It was someone else's blood. This has led to theories that the killer may have been a third party and that the blood may have been dubs or chances

who may have disposed of the bodies from there. So someone might have come in, killed those guys as well. So maybe it was someone who took out the whole Christmas party. Well, that's much better. So that's one theory, but a few months later, this thing, this bit gave me some chills. A few months later...

Oh, great. This bit made me feel something. A few months later, though, Chance's maternal grandmother received a phone call from a young boy who said, Help me. The call was cut off, but she believes the boy was chance. They were never able to trace it.

They never figured out who it was. Chance and Dub have never been found so they were either killed by the murderer or they were the murderers themselves still hiding out. Okay, let's not blame Chance. Let's not say they were the murderers. I mean, he's a kid. Okay, no, we're blaming chance, cool, all right.

Not necessarily. I'm not saying... I tried, chance. I'm not saying it was definitely chance, but... But there is a chance. It's a small chance. I mean, that's what we were getting at, but... I would, like, if you were to make...

that funnier Dave, just for future. You haven't done... You would have said, but that is a possibility. That would have been... Yeah. Do you get it? Do you get why that's funnier?

I do. Yeah. Yeah. He missed his chance. I missed my possibility. Come on. You just got to pause for that. I'd say stand up and take a bow.

Please, yeah, come on. Well done. Well done. You ruined it when you've not. over the drink. All right, we're up to the final one. It's old enough for us to not feel bad about people dying. I don't like that.

I don't like that. And it was actually also suggested as a topic in itself by a listener named something Gaelic. I would say, Yebini. Yeah, I'll spell it. A-O-I-B-H-I-N-N. Anyone?

What the fuck? You're all right. That's interesting. Interesting pronunciation. It's quite a take. And they're from Perth. Anyway, so this is their suggestion. Hey, I've been.

How you been? That was funny. Now, we've each said one funny thing today. Maddie. Maddie, this is the last one. I believe in you. I reckon you can save this. I really believe this one.

This was my favourite one. And I reckon this is going to be, I won't tell you the name of this one, but I think the name of this episode is going to be this topic and other Christmas mysteries. Okay. This is a bloody. The murder of 19 people and other Christmas.

The brutal murder of innocent children. Feat's other mysteries. Feet, you'll, at some point during this you'd be like, oh, feet, that's a little call forward there. Oh no. Wow. There's a chance, this could be bloody. Possibility.

Fuck. Turn around. Time out. Here we go. I've got a good back. That's weird. She really laughed at his back. She will laugh at...

Any bag. Any back. Why do you think she's sitting in the front row? If you're in the second row, you'd be laughing at the person in front of you back the whole fucking bar. Better, better. He is very good. I tease him a lot, but he's the funniest person.

no, after Jess. Second comes right after first, so thank you so much. Come Lord. Sass twins. All right, come on, bring it home. I'm nearly choked, thank you. Okay, let me take you back to Christmas time 1885. You're right, that is long enough ago.

Tell us about something fucked. Also, also, the people in it are old already back then. People didn't live that long back then. Exactly. Exactly. Thank you. So at Christmas time 1885, an elderly couple who lived near the farming town of Seneca, Illinois. They're so cute. You're going to very quickly fall in love of these guys. As soon as I give you their names.

Why would you do this? Their names are Patrick and Matilda Rooney. No, Pat Tilly. Patty and Tilly. There it is. And they love a drink. They love a drink these guys. Where are they, sorry? Illinois. They're in Seneca, Illinois.

Right. Almost definitely not pronounced Seneca. Oh. Seneisha. You're from North America, sir. Any idea about a small town in Illinois? You're from Canada? That's close.

Am I saying Seneca right? Nailed it, thank you. There we go. He's actually from South Africa. And he said... I know, I also met him. Wait, can you... He's a South African come Canadian.

Am I saying that right? Now he's gone. Oh boy. Matt is in the crowd. For those of whom Matt is in the crowd. Can I get you to say diplomatic immunity, please? But say it how we want you to say it.

Like a South African should, not how you actually would. Diplomatic immunity. I'll give you one more chance. You've got to say it like an American pretending to be a South African. Diplomatic immunity. All right, that was pretty, yeah, that was good.

That was good. Sorry about that. Did I drop your... On Christmas Eve. They shared Christmas drinks with their farm head, John Larson. The whiskey flowed until Larson... With the help. How quaint.

So John Larson, the help. He went upstairs to sleep at about 8pm. During the night, Larson awoke, having a coughing fit. But he was able to get back to sleep. And he did. This is good stuff. For a second you guys like Is this the mystery?

But I close that one down pretty quickly. Didn't want to leave you guys hanging. What caused the cough? Dust. So so far a couple little clues as to what's coming. Feet and coughing fit. You cough so hard your feet fall off. What's going on?

I should also say I didn't find that many super quality references for this one. So it feels a bit mythical, but it's definitely a story. Sounds a bit like he's about to turn into the moth man or something. Is that what's coming? The next morning, when he awoke, he noticed things were a bit weird. Firstly, there was soot on his pillow. Soot on his pillow.

A bit of Christmas morning suit. Could it be Santa? No. No. No. he found was much weirder than Santa. It was admittedly quite weird.

How young are you guys again? Yeah, fine. What do you think about Santa? Cool guy, real. He's real. He's a real dude. That's what I like about him as well. He's real, man.

I can talk to the youth. Matt, do this. They love that. You know how I know they love that? Because when I said, where are the dads out? one of the dads did that before. So, I know.

That is where it's at. But also, when you said that, someone in the second row, crumped. No, what do you call that? That's a dab. Dab.

That's twerking. What is it crump? I'm not doing it. A crump is more similar to a dab than a bloody twerk is to a dab. You're moron. So sorry about grandpa over here. I'm a dad's at.

I'm so sorry. Not aimed at you. That was not for you. Who was it for, Dave? That was for you, Jess. That was a sweet, sweet crumb. What's a crumb? Matt.

On Christmasy. So he's stood on his pillow, coughing fit the night before. He's coughed up soot. But what he found was much weirder than Santa. So we're up to date now, right? That's a recap for people who have had to pause the podcast because it's taken so long. And now they're on their return journey from work on the train. Welcome back.

So he went down. This is the farmhand, Jess. He went downstairs to find Patrick Rooney dead in his bedroom. Old man Patrick, the farmer. But Matilda was nowhere to be found, his wife. Then Larson went into the kitchen where he found a blackened hole in the floor. The hole burnt straight through the floor. so the ground could be seen.

Ooh. Keep those fucking lips away from me. I don't know what you're thinking. You just saved my life. Also, mole people. It could be mole people. It could be mole people. Matt, I nearly died.

I know, I know. And Dave saved your life. It was beautiful. Everyone enjoyed it. Yeah. Especially those at home. Who will still not understand what happened, but.

Basically, someone came at her with a gun. It just started comping for self-defense. Dodged a bullet. And then brought her soft lips near Dave. To make sure he was okay. Yeah. Because I know he worries. Her soft lips.

Stop talking about soft lips. I know I started it. Okay, so there's a couple of weird things so far now. So there's soot on the pillow. He's dead. He's coughing. There's a hole in the floor. The internal walls. of the house are coated with a greasy

and sooty substance. Greasy and sooty? Both feel like opposites. Yeah, what a weird mix. How is it both? Find out next. Inside the hole was a pile of ashes. Inside the hole. How else would I have said that?

Good point, but it's still gross. In these ashes, there were fragments of bones. These were the remains of Matilda Rooney. spontaneous combustion. Is it? And mole people. Combined. According to one source,

admittedly the source is a listicle. The estimated temperature... See, Matt, a good joke there would have been admittedly the sauce is ketchup. You know, like mentioning a sauce. That would have been good. They're laughing. It's pity, but they're laughing.

Read your little listicle. So the listicle still. The estimated temperature of the fire that consumed her was 1,400 degrees Celsius or 2,500 degrees Fahrenheit. And there were no other signs of fire damage in the rest of the house. Near the ashes were Matilda's feet. Just chose the wrong time to have a drink. Oh. Some sources say ketchup.

Whilst others say the feet were still in their shoes. What shoes? Oh. I thought that was a real question. It is? Yeah, air pumps. Matilda's husband Patrick was found to have died suffocating from the fumes of the fire. Oh.

So he died in his bed, suffocating, all of a sudden you're thinking, oh, coughing upstairs. Maybe that makes some sense. There was some suspicion that Larson was the murderer, but it was found to be very unlikely that he would have been able to make a fire burn so hot inside the house without creating further damage to the property. It is likely his coughing fit in the middle of the night would have been due to the fire, okay? The thing I just said.

He's good. Okay, I'm putting two or two together here, but could the fire have caused the man to cough? Is that possible? That is one theory. Okay. Fascinating. Another one is mustard.

No, that fuck that, no. Fuck that, no. I'll fuck it. Look, that's close, right? A good try. A good try. Thank you very much. much sir.

Brisbane is so supportive. They're so nice. They've stuck with you this entire time with this fucked report. I'm actually, I'm really into this. So what has happened? What has happened? So the next thing I've written is,

so what happened? That's what I'm wondering. Can confirm. Yeah. According to Britannica.com, the tragedy left investigators baffled. It's a misdeme. Mystery.

Did anyone see that coming? No source of ignition could be found for the blaze, and although the flames had been intense enough to reduce Matilda Rooney to ashes and a few bone fragments, the fire had not spread. The fire seemed to have started in her body and stayed confined to her body.

What's that known as? Lightning. You want to read? Someone said lightning. Jess, read the next sentence. It appeared that the Roonies had fallen victim to the rare and edigmatic phenomenon of spontaneous human combustion. Spontaneous human combustion was thought to be a thing back in the day. Usually the victims were alcoholics.

Tilly loved a drink. The theory went that they were so soaked with alcohol that they could somehow ignite without any external source of ignition. But Britannica states that none of the proposed scientific explanations for how a body would spontaneously burst. into flames have held up to scrutiny. The Victorian explanation that alcohol rendered the body flammable doesn't work. Seeing that the concentrations of alcohol

even in the most intoxicated people are much too low and that an external source of ignition would be required. Please, no one lighter match to me right now. Did you fart? No, I've had a couple beers. Oh, okay.

I don't know if you remember this moment last night, Matt but so I was sleeping in the lounge room that's on the airbed, mom, on a couch. Do you remember the moment last night where I worked myself up because I farted? Do you remember? Do you remember? Maybe it was on a timer, so, you know, it was still blanking and I was really good, oh. And I thought to herself, I wonder if Matt heard that?

And now I'm asking, did you hear that? No, I did not. I slept very well, thank you. I wish I hadn't said anything. Why was that not the first thing you told me this morning? Because until I had a couple of beers I was a bit of shame Oh what was that Oh that was me Matt

It's like when a dog You guys know that kind of shame Where you won't tell one of your close friends about it privately But then when you're sitting next to her in front of 120 people You know that kind of shame that's what Dave has The kind of shame where you're like Well this may get a laugh And I'm desperate for that because I'm very alone

That's what's happened Stop doing Jess's gear, Dave. Yeah, I'm the lonely one. I have a lot of friends. I have a lot of friends. That is the saddest thing of all. Too much. Yelling into a microphone to 120 people.

I have a lot of friends. I have a lot of friends. All right. So we're down to the final paragraph. This is basically Britannica spoiling the fun of the spontaneous combustion. Britannica goes on to, but it also makes it kind of more fucked as well. Britannica goes on to say that in the 20th century, Forensic scientists noted the WIC effect.

Have you heard of the WIC effect? I have not. Well, they had a bit of string out their butt. You light it. Yeah, I've heard of it. This guy's heard of everything. But I give zero shit. So this is 20th century science

noticed the Wic Effect, in which clothing worn by a victim can soak up melted fat, acting like the wicker in a candle. We were having so much fun. And creating conditions for a body to smoulder for an extended period of time. Thank you. So what's the source?

How do they get on fire? Experiments have shown that this effect can produce many of the unusual characteristics associated with spontaneous human combustion, such as the complete or nearly complete incineration of the body and the lack of fire damage to the victim's surroundings. The likely explanation for suspected cases of spontaneous human combustion then is that there is an external source of ignition, a match, a cigarette, an electric spark

that sets off the wick effect. But the evidence of that is destroyed in the fire, so the ignition is destroyed, right? So you don't know that there was a string out there butt. Exactly, because that burns, obviously. And while alcohol doesn't make the body more flammable, being super drunk means that you probably are less likely to stop yourself burning.

Just like me with my partner last night, you're like, what's that? I was a fire, don't worry about it. So that's why... Stop talking about your fart. I don't know if you know this man, but last night I fart. So the idea is that all these spontaneous human combustions that happened in the 1800s were always drunk people nearly alcoholics, right?

It's probably just because they're so drunk that they're slowly burning to death without stopping, dropping and rolling. That is... Genuine question. Why have people stopped combusting? Very good question. I'll field this one. I mean he asked you. I'd say it's because the Queensland system where they now make you take photo ID as you enter every nanny state.

That's why... Thanks a lot, Paula Shea. Is there any chance that you could say something great that wraps things up? Jess, open to you as well. Let's do you, I'm not. Let's have a big round of applause for Chris Mish and Matt Stewart's Five Disgusting Mysteries. We made it. Thanks so much for coming out everyone. It's been a fucking thrill to have you all here. We will be sitting out there drinking and we've got some t-shirts if anyone wants them. Also wristies. $3.3.3. Very confused face up the back. They're wristbands.

We should say thank you so much to Kate Rudge for helping us organise. Thank you so much Kate. You're the best. And this venue, Hey Your Bar that we are in Fortitude Valley in Brisbane is a absolutely fantastic bar and they also have a comedy night every single Wednesday. night, which Matt, you were the emcee this week. I was. I've emceived a few times. It's the most fun. I reckon it's one of the best comedy rooms in Australia, and I think you guys, have many of you been here before? I know you have. Awesome. If you haven't checked it out, you really should because it's fucking sick.

And they get anyone big in town will drop by through here every week. All the big names. The Matt Stewart's, if you will. Anyway, let's get out of here because it's hot and I need to pee. We will see you out there generally for a drink, but thanks so much for coming out. Give yourselves a big round of applause.

Love you guys. We will say thank you and Merry Christmas! Later. Bye. Oh, hey there, it's me, Matt, from the show Do Go On, that you're listening to now. So that was the episode. Merry Christmas, to all. And to all, here are some more things.

Yeah, it was really cool. So much fun we had there. Dave Jess and I went out after for drinks with a bunch of people there like Cam, Kate, Mike, Jess. in a heap more and it was so much fun. Just had the best time in Brisbane. Brisbane. And yeah, we're definitely already talking about going back sometime next year.

So that's cool. Sure. Yes. And that, I guess, brings me to what we normally do at the end of the episode is thank some of our Patreon supporters. So let me do that now. I'd love to thank Jacqueline Nielsen. from Servers Paradise.

And I thought what I'd do is I'd just Google where people are from and then I can see something out of that place. I know Servers Paradise quite well. I've been there before. And what comes up is Schoolies, which is the Australian end of high school party that goes through like a month or something. So yeah, that's sort of unsurprising.

It's just comes up. It's schoolies and then there's the Tooleys two of the old people who go party there. I'm assuming that must be a frustrating situation for Jacqueline Nielsen and your townsfolk. It's weird that someone actually lives there. It seems like such a holiday place. Forget that people actually live there as well. Thanks so much, Jacqueline.

Are you a toolie? I bet you not. I bet you're not. I bet you go away for that period of time. I'd also love to thank Craig Hayes is from Masham, North Yorkshire, in Britain. Let's look up. Masham. Ah, it's a big, it's a big beer town.

It's interesting. Let's see what they've got there. Thigston and a few other craft breweries. Oh, Thickston's cool. That's my, they actually make my old man's favorite beer. It's got old peculiar. Which, I drank one time, and it was very nice. That's from Masham.

Who would have bloody thought it? Craig Hayes. Do you like old peculiar? I imagine it is an old man drink. And I have no idea if you're an old man or not Craig, but I'm guessing you're probably not. Or are you? Whatever. I'd also love to thank Dan Ford.

It's a great name, Dan Ford. As always, all our listeners have great names. Dan Ford, Craig Hayes. Craig Hayes, that's fun to say actually in Jacqueline Nielsen. Dan Ford is from Broomfield, Chelmsford. Essex. All right. See, here's a page called Things to Do in Broomfield, Essex. It's a Facebook page. What does it say?

There are no recommended events. Oh, fucking hell. That sounds dire. What else we got here? The top result is Broomfield Hospital. I wonder if you were a doctor, sir. Cool. Surely there's. All right, let's move to Chelmsford, X, Essex.

Let's see what's here. What's going for it? The architecture of the New Salvation Army Citadel. Okay, that's the reason to move somewhere. What about, what else? Oh, the case against. This is a from a Guardian article. The case against moving there,

and I'd be interested to hear if you agree with this, Dan. It says, what do you think? Ring roads, access roads, bypasses, roundabouts. These are probably these are reasons to not move there. All still chronic traffic problems. An inbuilt denial that it's actually a town with history, complexity, etc. Oh, this is brutal. Not just a filler between your front drive and the supermarket.

Mundanity. Is that how you say that? A cultural black hole. Fuck! County cricket makes up for some of this. this though. All right, this is a... Tom... The guy who wrote this article's name is Tom Dickoff. And he sounds like, you know, he's being a bit of a bit of a dick off to Chelmsford.

I'm sure it's a lovely place to live. Otherwise, why would Dan Ford live there? One of the great people who support the show on Patreon. So thank you so much to Dan, Craig and Jacqueline. And yeah, thanks so much for listening, everyone. else I need to say. Thanks again to Kate, Rudge, uh, from Heyyar Comedy, who helped us set up the show. Uh, and Merry Christmas for everyone. Obviously, there's a few more episodes to go. We don't take a break. We keep releasing episodes right through the season, holiday season,

Christmas time. Um, so we'll have another episode coming out next week, which we're really looking forward to. It will be a Jess Perkins episode, which we've actually already recorded, and it is very good. Um, so we'll catch you then. And, and... This podcast is part of the planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want, it's up to you. A little bit of housekeeping as well. You can exit if you need to through the middle or through the sides.

I mean, if you're over there, don't go that way. That makes no sense. These are the fun bits that will be cut out. Can you believe it? You're going to listen back and go, oh, I missed that bit where just said the exit over there. Yeah. Just letting you know. That's just for you guys.

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