Do Go On - 13 - Queen Elizabeth II

Episode Date: January 19, 2016

Most of us simply know her as The Queen, but what do you really know about the longest serving British Monarch in history? Hear about her childhood, marriage to Phillip, Coronation, corgis, private wealth, the correct way address her and the time someone broke into her bedroom. Oh and also laugh at the way Dave tries to pronounce the word sixth.Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] the show and get rewards like bonus episodes:www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPod  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenjai Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. It is a podcast and it is called Do Go On. You're listening to my voice.

I am Dave Warnocky and I am here with Matt Stewart. Hello, Matt. Hi, Dave. How are you? I am going well and we are joined by another person. I should have asked how you are as well, but let's, we've already been talking off air for about 20 minutes. We're going to go on. Ask me.

How are you, Matt? We don't have time for that day. Sorry. Just Perkins is also in the house. Hello, Jess. Hello. I'm well I'm just going to cut straight

I'm well Good Yeah Do you reckon the listeners Are really sick of our This is lucky number 13 episode And people are already Pretty sick of the preamble

That we like to throw in at the start Well we ask each other in a roundabout way How we are And we're always either well or good That's the only two options I would also like to point out That you always introduce Matt first I've got into a habit of doing it that way

If you'd like to be introduced first next time No it's okay And look it's clockwise for you and also Matt is closer to you where you're sitting. I just thought it was the way that he recruited us to the podcast. Yeah, no, that's pretty much it too. I was the last edition. I was the missing piece of the puzzle.

You were, that's right. We became superhuman when we added to you. Because before I was here, it was shit. It was. That's why those episodes will never. They'll never sit a lot of day. But then Jess came on board. I was like, oh wow, award winning?

Yes, please. Well, technically we haven't been nominated. it all won any. In fact, I don't know if podcasts in Australia can win awards. The potty. The potty. Can podcasts win awards at all? But if they can. Are they podcast awards? I'm sure there are. I'm starting them. All right. I'm starting them. We're getting one for sure.

And then we're going to do an episode on them. We could. We totally could. And when you say do an episode, you mean if you haven't listened to the show before, that is when we take it in turns to research a topic and report back to the other two about that topic. And it is my turn this week. Yeah. You guys don't know what I'm going to talk about. No. We never know what you're going to do, Dave.

Is there any possibility that I would bring up a topic, tell you what it is, and then you would veto it straight away and say, no, you can't talk about that? I feel like the death one was pretty close. Oh, yeah. We all enjoyed that, didn't we, a few weeks ago? Yeah, in the end. I did, actually. I mean, a lot of that I've tried to block out of my memory.

Yeah, my therapist and I are working our way through it, but apart from that. I hope we haven't lost all our listeners, too, because of that. Or now we're just listened to by morticians and undertakers. exclusively. They would hate us because we did nothing that bag them in their professions.

Yeah. You anus packing fucks. Well, they don't get paid enough. I can totally creep with that. Yeah. Oh, I just, sorry,

I'm very conscious of my swearing. I bet it's stop because I know. Well, there are mothers listening. It's funny that you are conscious of your swearing on this episode.

Is it really? Oh, kind of. Well, hold on. Could it be? Don't. The history of swear words.

Don't let That influenced you too much when I ask you a question, because we always start the episode with a question to do with said topic to lead us in. My question is, who or whose face? Do you think is the most reproduced human image since Jesus Christ? The Mona Lisa. Homer Simpson. Homer and the Mona Lisa.

Mickey are human. Human, I know. But Homer is a human. Does he have to be a real human? What about... Elvis. What about... What do you call when an animal has been...

It's the queen! Oh my God, Dave! Fuck you! I wanted to do this topic! Oh, really? Did you actually? Yeah, it's on my list of potential topics. Matt, have you also considered this topic?

Never. That's brilliant! Matt's sitting there thinking, I hate the queen. I'm very anti-royal. Yeah. By the way, the queen, her faces grace billions of stamps, coins and banknotes. And legit, I have a little list on my phone of like,

as ideas come up, I write them down for, future topics and one of them and I was nearly going to do it last week. I was nearly going to do Queen Elizabeth. Queen Elizabeth the second is who we are talking about. That is amazing. That's the first time this has happened. This is amazing, isn't it? Are you a fan? I like it. I think she's sassy. She's cool. She's cool, she hips, she with it?

She's a pretty cool lady. I was watching a documentary on her and she's, she's pretty, yeah, she's pretty savvy. I quite like her. Savvy. So that's a yes from Jess. How about you, Matt? Are you into it? Well, I got no problem with her as a person. I've got some sort of a problem with the fact that she's born into the role of supreme leader. Oh, big time. Yeah. Our country and others.

Oh, that's really messed up. But I like her. Yeah. Well, she's not as bad as some supreme leaders around the world in terms of... Yeah. What, are we going to rank them all? Sure. All right, let's do it.

Dave, you kick us off. Kim Jong, you're number one bad guy. Number one bad guy. Oh, okay. Living, living. Living. Can you dictate it that tops his bad guy? We've got Queen Elizabeth I'll be number two.

It's in her name. Oh, okay. Number three. Some sort of Saudi king. One of them Saudi kings. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. All right. Simon Cowell.

Oh, yeah, he is definitely. Supreme Leader. He's a Saudi king. Yeah. There you go. That's how he's so powerful. How do you think we know who he is? Come on, Matt.

Yeah, I don't know who he is, obviously. But, um... Well, Matt, I'm going to try and win you over with the life of Queen Elizabeth the second. And maybe you two will appreciate. Because I also, when I was growing up, if you'd ask me, I would have said, no royalty, we don't need that. Why don't we become a republic? But having grown up a little bit, read them into her a bit more,

I feel like she's won me over a little bit. She's brainwashed me, if you will. So you'd vote no to on a republic vote? Well, maybe I'll ask you that at the end of the show. Oh, you reckon you can convince us? These are the things I know about her. Early life, she had a small role in the King's speech. she was in that right

she's the daughter of the go of the stutter oh yes that's right sorry I think you meant as an actress she was in the original king speech as a character her character was in it yes she did the Nazi salute that came oh accidentally

it's no accident she did it on purpose she just didn't realize yeah like in the 1930s before Hitler was that well known to be a before it was that bad before Hitler was that bad

he's a bloody monochist and a Nazi sympathizer What else you got, Dave? Come on, you can't paint that on me. What I meant was the Second World War had not begun yet. Still think we should bring back slavery, Dave? Well, yeah, of course. Davery.

What are you talking about? That's when you're a slave to Dave. Other things I know about her. Slave to the fence floor is what I am. She's the longest serving queen, I believe. Yes, this is true. All right, now I don't. How about you just let Dave tell us the facts.

Shut your hairy mouth. Got about 3,000 words of facts to get through. All right. I'm going to take you back. Elizabeth Alexandra Mary was born on the 21st of April 1926. It was a good year for births. Other people born in that year include Marilyn Monroe. Isn't that weird to think about?

Yeah, but he's the same age. Hugh Hefner. David Attenborough. Miles Davis. And most notably for my own existence, my grandmother. Oh, my God. Seriously, Dave. Fuck you.

because I was going to do Queen Elizabeth and mention that she is the same age as my grandfather. Eddie. Eddie, who was turning 90 in 2016. Correct. Wow. This is so weird because I was really excited to this topic. So while I'm really happy for you, I'm also very annoyed.

You know how you could get back at him? How can I get back at him? You could, next week, you could do Elizabeth I won. That'd show him. Elizabeth was. Yeah, she's sucked in, fuckhead. Elizabeth the first... You can do the sequel.

And she's the same age as my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great. Great grandfather. When she was born, this is Elizabeth. Not your grandmother. Not my grandmother. Her grandfather was King George V, who was on the throne at the time. Her father was... Played by Dumbledore in the film.

The King's speech. Her father was Prince Albert, the Duke of York, who later became George the Seventh. sixth in the King's Beach film and her mother was Elizabeth Duchess of York who later became Queen Elizabeth and even later Elizabeth the Queen Mother. Remember the Queen Mum? Right, so she was Queen Elizabeth but not

Queen Elizabeth the first. No. Yeah, right. She's just another Queen Elizabeth. So she's just Queen Elizabeth because her husband became King. Yeah, that's interesting. So that's a lesser queen. Yeah, and then when her daughter became queen, she had to be called the Queen Mother so it wasn't confusing. That's

interesting. It is pretty interesting. So there could be more Queen Elizabeth's, but why not just have a second name for, like, king wife or something? And then there's no sort of confusion when you're... King wife. King wife. Or Supreme Princess. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Head princess or something. Junior Vice President of Princesses. Elizabeth is the great, great granddaughter of Queen Victoria. And because Queen Victoria... Who was left-handed. Oh, very good. Left-handed.

and her husband, who was also her first cousin, Prince Albert. Albert. And you know, just around our studio here, there are streets, Victoria and Albert Street. Either side that you come in on. Oh, yeah. That's a fact. That's a cold hard fact. You've also just told the listeners where we are.

Somewhere between Victoria and Albert Street. Together they had, this is Victoria and Albert. They had nine children that married royalty across Europe. And they're also cousins. And first cousins, not just like vaguely, first cousins. So they've got nine kids that married broadly across Europe. So because of that, Queen Elizabeth II is related to nearly all of the kings and queens across Europe. So her cousins include King Harold the 5th, King of Norway, Queen Margreta the second of Denmark,

King Juan Carlos, who recently abdicated at the Spanish throne, King Carl Gustav the 16th of Sweden, and Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands. Wow, that's pretty cool. And others. Like the nine kids, they kind of spread their seed a little further. So, so much. Than just cousins. Second and third cousins.

Yeah. Well, you know, baby steps. Speaking of baby steps, Elizabeth was born via Caesarian section that she stepped out of the womb. Stepped out. Red carpet events. That's right. When she was young. That wasn't carpet, Jess.

When Elizabeth was young, have you ever heard this before? her family called her Lilibet, Lillibut, because that's what she called herself when she was young. She couldn't say Elizabeth. That's so cute. So funny that she would become the queen that we all know. Lilibate.

And respect, Matt. Well, no. We all know. Her only sibling was Margaret, who was born in 1930, so there's four years difference between them, which is Margaret. And they were educated at home under the supervision of Marion Crawford,

who Princess Margaret called Crawfey. I love that. Oh, Crawfey. Crawfie. And you know, can you imagine Crawfey trying to tell her off for calling her Crawfey? Don't call me Crawfey. She's a princess.

You can't tell her off. Well, when I looked into Crawfey's background, so she was like being their supervisor over their education, but she wasn't a teacher at all, rather of it. While studying to become a child psychologist, she just got a summer job as the governess of Lord Elgin's children. And that's Elizabeth's mother, the Duchess of York, was the distant relative of Lord Elgin. So he just said, oh, this bird is looking after my kids doing a pretty good job.

So she just gets a royal job, like out of her summer job. And she stayed there until 1948. Do you reckon that would have paid well? I reckon you could probably get good benefits. You'd live on the grounds. It'd be quite demanding, though, I imagine. Oh, demanding. It would be demanding.

Not demanding, but demanding. See, I don't know what happened there. You would have been hanging out. You had Lord Elgin. I've been hanging out too many South Australians. They had a bunch of different teachers coming in and out, including some native French speakers who taught Elizabeth. French, correct.

Oh, French. I nearly got a match. Spanish. Crawfey. Indonesian. Bakak, laki, laki. Bukula, Buku, Bukum. Okay, well, mine was actually Indonesian.

One was too. I did two years of Indonesian high school, so. I did a term. Did you guys actually do it? Yeah, we told Indonesia at my own. Was that actually Indonesian what you both said? I was about to jump in with a racist impression of what I thought. Because I thought that's what you were doing, and I thought, well, let it all of this out.

had to go. We've all got the racism out. We'll move on with the show. Racism is like, hey, in groups. You were all just saying... Only you were being racist there, Dave, as it turns out. Well, I didn't say it, so sue me. Don't. Don't sue me. Speaking of being sued, Crawfey, later published a book about Elizabeth as a child without permission from the royal family, and they were pissed.

Quote, the first note of displeasure for Crawford came when she failed to receive a Christmas card from the royal family in the year of publication. Oh, awry. In the old days, kings and queens could like chop your head off. But now in the modern times... Take off the Christmas card list. If you're off the Christmas card list, you know you hate it. That is funny because that is like a bit of a joke or a cliche when people say,

well, they're off their Christmas card list. But apparently that was a real threat at some point. And when Crawfie died in 1988, neither the queen, the queen mother nor Princess Margaret sent a wreath to her funeral. Oh, brutal. Now that is the ultimate. They sent like bouquets of flowers and other things, but no reef, and that was a real kick in the teeth. Yeah, they attended the funeral and paid for it.

And they publicly mourned for her, but no wreath. What Crawfey's book described, The Young Future Queen's love of horses and dogs, her orderliness, her attitude of responsibility. Oh, yeah, that is scandalous. No wonder they were pissed. They were pissed off. Winston Churchill described Elizabeth when she was two years old

as quite a character. She has an air of authority and reflectiveness. I'm sure Churchill said it correctly. You've got to do that in the Churchill voice, please. Matt, you're the king of English accents, and we've been requested that you do more of them. So just say, she has an air of authority in the Churchill accent, please. She has an air of authority.

That's pretty good. See, the trick there was, that wasn't actually, Matt. We had a recording of Churchill's saying. That was the actual recording. Well, you cut that in later, I assume. Yeah. Can you do that? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. That's great. That's going to make me sound really smart. That's great. I need this. You need this. In 1937, which he was 11 years old, the first Buckingham Palace Company was formed to allow the Princess Elizabeth to be a girl guide.

Oh, my goodness. So, made their own private girl guides. They were made up of other royals and children of royal staff, and there were 20 girl guides just hanging around all sort of paling up. That is the cutest thing ever. She's like, Daddy, I'd very much like to try the girl guides. How is that cute? And then so they just make her one.

That's not cute? Matt. I mean, that's only cute to you because you're from the affluent east. Anyone else would say that that is over the top, and that their resources should be used for better things. Bye about this, man. Send them to the girl guides and make them learn just some lessons from the real world. It's just not safe.

But... Out there for a queen. You would think that being a future queen, she would demand to be top in the girl guides. But no, Matt. She is very diplomatic. Princess Elizabeth was actually elected second of the Kingfisher Patrol, with a slightly older cousin, Patricia Mountbatten, as her patrol leader. I mean, that's fair enough.

Her older cousin got to... Elder cousin. Yeah, but her older cousin's not a goddamn princess. Yeah, but the princess thing, that's the point. It doesn't mean anything. No, that's what I'm saying. It doesn't mean anything to her. She let the older cousin have a brother.

It doesn't mean anything to anyone. She just happened to be born. Like her sister Margaret was born four years later. If Elizabeth died for some reason as a child, which the royals tend to do because of the imbreeding, then all of a sudden Margaret would have been the queen for 50 years. But instead, Margaret's just some idiot. No one really knows anything about.

She has a beehive hair cut and she's like Away in the forest somewhere Margaret's had quite a life She's had a life But she's not on a single coin Yeah because she's been dead for a long time That is pretty funny Was it in breeding related?

She died about 15 years back Anyway I wasn't laughing at her dying At Matt's face It's like pretty much ate his own beard then What a while you were going off On your little rant there My next line written here is

So she's a young royal who's having as normal a childhood as she royally can. She's trying to have a go. Having, setting up a private... Kingfisher. Kingfisher Girl Guards Group is a... I think it's adorable. It is adorable. I'm also imagining her as like a cartoon character.

So as a child, she's just always wearing a little crown. She's always got a little tiara on. I don't know why. Little cute. Come on, Matt. That's beautiful. That's so cute. Little girl running around with a little tiara on.

Just all the time. A small person. And not even dress-ups. She's just got one. Yeah, no, you're right. Fair enough. That's good. Exactly.

She doesn't need to dress up. She is the damn princess. But during her grandfather's reign, Elizabeth was actually third in line to the succession of the throne. Behind her uncle Edward, prince of Wales, and her father, who was the king's second son. Colin first.

Yeah, because Guy Pearce dropped it. He only had it. Are you going to go into that? Oh, yeah, so I'm going to go into that. So it was a big story when she was born. People were pretty happy for a princess to come. along, but no one really ever expected her to become a queen, because her uncle Edward was young and healthy, plus if her parents had ever had a son, she'd be pushed back further down

the chain. So they were thinking, if they have a son, she'll be fourth. But when her grandfather George V died in 1936, her uncle, Edward V, became the king. Guy Piers. However, only months into his reign, he caused a constitutional crisis when he proposed marriage to Wallace Simpson, who was an American socialite who had divorced her first husband and was seeking a divorce from her second husband. You know why it was controversial? Because she wasn't a blood relative.

I'm afraid Walt Simpson is not your second cousin at all, Edward. It was controversial, Matt, because as the British monarch, as king, he was also the head of the Church of England, which back then did not allow divorce people to remarry if their ex-spouses were still alive. Ah, right. So it was widely believed that... So wait, you could get divorced, but then you both just had to live separately and be miserable.

Yes, correct, of course. Well, that doesn't make any sense. Why separate from the Catholics in the first place to have divorce to then not be able to get on with your life anyway? Just stay in your miserable marriages. Well, Henry VIII killed his wife, so he was able to because he kept chock-in. But he only killed two of their wives. Two of six.

Kept. But isn't that? That was the big reason for. The split, right? Oh, yes. He annulled some of them, which is different from a divorce. Yeah, so he wrote things like, she was plotting against the king, got a cut chop of her head,

or it wasn't a proper marriage, stuff like that. Yeah, he always found liberals. But it was widely believed that Edward could not marry Wallace Simpson and remain on the throne because it would look super hypocritical. So he put his cards on the, and they thought that, oh, if we say that to him, he'll just back away, but he put his cards on the table, and in order to marry Simpson, he abdicated the throne. in December 1936, so less than a year after being king.

And people speculated that she was marrying him for money, but they remained married until his death 35 years later. So they showed everyone. I was going to ask, did they actually... Oh, that's quite nice. Good for them. Good for them. In a way. Her name's Wallace, though. Can we talk about that for a minute?

There's some great Wallace's over time. William Wallace. Wallace and Drummond. Danny Wallace, the English comedian. Okay, name me another female Wallace. Terry Wallace. AFL coach Another female Wallace

Terry Wallace's wife Mrs Wallace Well played Yeah exactly There's got to be some No other wallace's There's no walleye So Elizabeth's father

Albert became Tweet in Tweet in with your wallaces Your favorite top ten Wallace is what we want We want a BuzzFeed article I think we'd be really good on commercial radio. Tweet in.

Text in now with your favourite Wallace. So Elizabeth's father, Albert, had to step in and become king and his brother's place. Bertie, they called him. And he chose the Regnal name.

Have you heard that word before? Regnal. R-E-G-N-A-L. It just means his king name or reign name. George the 6th to try and win over the public because he's like, no, I'm like my dad.

And Albert, yes, it wasn't as cool. That is interesting. to do that because yeah that often that that did i think that was pretty common for a while but not not really anymore right well only because there's only been one for six years um yeah fair call but did you say did you say the sixth sixth george the sixth sixth why what do you think i was saying i thought you said sixth i don't know a lot of people say sixth but it's it always sounds really weird to me sixth it's a six that's an interesting what would you say i say sixth

But I know I know plenty of people say sixth And a lot of like English people seem to say sixth I don't really hear Are you hearing the difference here? Yes. Go one and then the other. Sixth.

Sixth. Oh so George the Sixth. So six. Sixth. He said it wrong that time. Sixth. Sixth or sixth. Leaving out the X sound.

Or so six. Or Sith like Sith Lord from Star Wars. Is that what you're trying to do? Or. Sith. George the Sith. George the Sith. Anyway, I say sixth, you say sixth,

Jess says six. There's no weirdos here in the room. I reckon if you go to the tape, the first time I think you said sixth. I think you may have. That's definitely possible. And it's okay, we still love and accept you. I just find that interesting

because I reckon there's heaps. I don't even know if one's wrong. because I've heard a lot of smart people, smarter than me, say sixth. So I figure that maybe that's unacceptable. Well, maybe I was just trying to draw attention to the King's speech impediment, which was, as of course discussed in the film, George the 6th was the first head of the newly created... That was right, wasn't it?

Oh, fuck, who cares? George the 6th was the first head of the newly created Commonwealth. And 1936 became known as the Year of Three Kings. And just 10 years old, Elizabeth became the heir to the throne. So she is next, baby. That's pretty scary to be 10. 10 years old. I already feel bad enough for bloody Prince William.

Yeah? It's not far off for him. He's into it. But I mean, Garpier showed that you don't have to take it. True, good point. But then, you know... He definitely will. He does everything by the book.

In Will's case, wouldn't he be handing that off to his son? Yeah, but Charles is next. Yeah, Charles is next. But Charles is getting old, but I reckon Charles would take it, obviously, to have his moment in the spotlight, but also to give Will more time just to be a normal person with his fan. I reckon Charles is just a big old family man. You reckon?

You reckon Will's being a normal person at the moment? Yeah, I do. Yep. I think he's just spending down to earth, and he's just spending time raising his young family. Who are you, people? Young family. It's so weird. I can't believe any of this exists.

Still, it feels like we're, like, this is going to seem ridiculous to people in 100 years. This was a thing. Podcasts, yeah, great. Well, yeah, that's definitely true. Well, we've got 60 years to get through. During World War II, to keep safe from the bombing raids, Elizabeth and Margaret spent most of their time in Windsor Castle, which is about 35 kilometers. just on Chapel Street.

It's good pub. No, it's 35 kilometres west of London. That's so, yeah, so they can stay safe. Then in February 1945, she joined, this is Elizabeth, the Women's Auxiliary Territorial Service, which is the women's branch of the British Army at the time. Oh, Lady Army.

That's right, Matt. She trained as a driver and mechanic and was promoted to honorary junior commander five months later. What do you think about that? I think honorary equals bullshed. Well, I've seen a photo of her tinkering with an engine. They give the honorary things to famous people who want to, they're coming in as a tourist

to a real people job or study at a university and they go, oh, you're an honorary, because you're a Ringo star, you're an honorary philosophy doctor or whatever, philosophy doctor. I'm a smart guy, but they're the kind of things that happen. They do. And that's a fact. Ringo's had some good stuff, man So you were trying to bring Ringo down What would you like an honorary doctorate in?

Whatever the coin had, the mechanic, the lady army mechanics I like a doctorate in a P.E. Because I was always rubbish at it at school. I just like to go back to my high school of P.E. teacher and be like, I'm a fucking doctor of basketball, you fuck. I was going to say, yeah.

And then I throw a basketball in his face. And you'd miss because you don't know how to throw a basketball. And then I'd say, I don't give a fuck. I'm a king. Well, technically not I'm a doctor, but... Still good. Still good. Still good.

Still honorary. I'm on the honor roll that... Made up university. But after World War II, after all this, Matt, in 1947, Princess Elizabeth... Lilibet. I can't say any other. Went on her first overseas tour, accompanying her parents through Southern Africa. Oh.

Pretty good. Then we get to her marriage. Do you know her husband's... name. Nowidge. Philip. Philip. It's what brings us together.

It is Philip. Philip. Philip. And he was a, wasn't he like a Greek prince or something? That's right. Well, he's now 94 years old. I'm sorry. Greek?

Oh, yes. Prince Philip, who was the prince of Greece and Denmark when he was born. Greece and Denmark through his family ties. So he was already a prince. Yeah, he was born in Greece. Before being her prince. Charming. So he was born in Greece.

What a love story. I don't think anyone's ever called him charming. that guy. All Greek. Well, you say he's not charming. Now he's 94 years old. He's the oldest ever male member of the British royal family. So he's doing well.

But he was born as the Prince of Greece and Denmark, born in Greece. But his family was exiled from the country when he was still an infant. So that's why he doesn't sound Greek. So he was educated in France, Germany and the UK. And joined the British Royal Navy for real, Matt, not honorary, but actually in 1939 at the age of 18. But he was, he's Greek. Yeah. No, he's not.

He's not Greek. Well, he's related to Queen Victoria as well. So he's, oh, but he's Greek. I sound like I hate Greeks. I certainly don't know. I just don't, he just doesn't look Greek. What does the Greek look like? I don't know.

Please move on. Philip met Elizabeth for the first time. time at a cousin's wedding in 1934 when she was aged just 80 years old. They crossed past... How old was he? He's four years older, so 12. Oh, okay. They're both children.

Oh, thank God. Oh, he was 23. Yeah. They crossed past again in 1937 and then again in July 1939. And Elizabeth, then only 13 years old, fell in love with Philip and they began to exchange letters. Oh, don't ever make that. noise ever again.

I had to hear it back on the headphones. And I'll have to hear it back when I edited. The couple became secretly engaged seven years later, so she really held out for him. In 1946, when Philip asked George the 6th for his daughter's hand in marriage. The king granted his request, providing that any formal engagement was delayed until Elizabeth was 21 years old, the following April. So they kept it under wraps for a bit. The engagement was announced in July 1947 publicly and then they got married in Westminster Abbey in November of that year, which is not enough time for people to buy a present. Or to really plan a wedding. No, four months.

Well, well, they did receive over 2,000 wedding presents from around the world. So you say it's not enough time to buy presents, but it seems like it was plenty of time. And they got 10,000 telegrams of congratulations. That's too many. You can't read all those. How long would that take you? remember after my 21st having to like go through all the presents, write down what so-and-so got me. Bloody hell, what an effort. And I only got like dead presents. Did you write it down so you could like rank your friends on how generous they were? Yeah.

Of course you did. Of course I did. You were saying, so he was already a prince. But before the marriage, Philip renounced his Greek and Danish titles, converted from Greek orthodoxy to Anglicanism. And then the king bestowed the new title of the Duke of Edinburgh upon him the day before they got married. But imagine if he'd renounce being a prince. she gets cold feet or dies or something they have to call the wedding off

and he's left with no prince titles imagine the horror mat Oh that would be the worst Oh boy What do you do I think she gets cold feet or dies Could have happened Hey you know what can happen to any of us at any time

Life is fleeting Look at Princess Margaret Take advantage Well I can't She's dead Jessica I hope they stuffed her full Oh

David But because of the wedding was only a couple of years after the Second World War, clothing was still being rationed at the time, so Elizabeth still had to purchase the material using ration coupons. Yeah, I read that recently. I like that.

She's cool. She's not like ain't no queen getting married in rags. Yeah, that's right. I'm getting married in silk that I've bought with rationed coupons. Matt? And do you reckon she's continued to live her life that way? Yeah, I reckon she has. There's a lot of poverty in her Commonwealth.

She... Commonwealth. And she lives in a castle, one of many castles that she owns. Well, she did her own makeup for the wedding. Pretty good. I would not be doing my own makeup for a wedding. No peasant would do that. I don't do my own makeup for a web series.

I brought a knife to a gunfight, Dave, and I got shot. That's right. Every war has a few casualties, and you were one of them, Matt. Sorry, Matt. A lot of royalty from around the world attended the wedding, but post-war Britain, it was not acceptable for the... the Duke of Edinburgh's, this is Phillips, German relations to be invited to the wedding,

including Phillips' three surviving sisters who married German princes, two of whom fought for the Nazis. There it is. A reference to the Nazis ticked. Now we need to get in is Tism and the Simpsons, which I think we talked about the since at the start, so we've got Tizmins.

Come on, Matt, you can do it. Not right now. It can be any moment. Don't force it. I agree. So at first I was like, okay, really unfair that he was. can't invite his own sisters to his wedding.

And it's like, married to German princes. Yeah, but that doesn't mean for Nazis. Okay, well, yeah, maybe we can just catch up at Christmas. Yeah, okay, yeah. See in a couple of years. And when was this? Wait, did this all blows over. What year is?

This is a couple of years after the... Remember what Dave did say earlier that the Nazis, you know, they weren't that bad, I think you said. So just to concordina David, depending on when it was, the Nazis, did a lot of good stuff, I think you said. Is this not peak bad? Bad Nazi time? This is after bad Nazi time.

Oh, after? Yeah, Hitler died in 1945, everyone. Oh, well then, so they're good again? Do the Nazis, are the Nazis good now? Definitely not. Would you describe yourself as like some sort of a new or neo-type Nazi? Definitely not. Getting some real mixed messages from Dave.

Me too. Matt, you know what I meant, and that was it wasn't as worldly known how bad the regime was going to become when as a child she did the Hitler salute. They weren't that bad yet, Matt. Elizabeth gave birth to her first child, Prince Charles, on November the 14th, 1948, when she was just 22. There you go. And the second child, Princess Mary. Anne.

She had four kids, right? That's right. Have you said that already? Princess Mary's the Dutch one. Two girls? Two boys? No, three boys. Three girls, one boy.

Three boys, one girl. Three boys, one girl. All right, let's see if we can do them. How many? And Ed Yes, that's good And a

Why can I picture of them? One more Prince. They all kind of look like Charles, right? They all got that. Why is Charles the main event? He's the heir to the throne. That's all. I guess that makes sense.

Annie married Diana, which was, and she was a superstar. The people loved her. They definitely did. Edward, so Charles and Edward. Prince Andrew. Well done. But that's not for a little bit because we're going to get through the 50s. He was an accident.

During 1951, George the sixth, S-I-X or V-1. I'm going to call him George. He didn't do the X then. I'm going to do George V-1. His health declined, and Elizabeth frequently stood in for him at public events. So she's training up to be the queen when he's not well. She's doing all the public stuff. He's snot well?

Yes. Her secretary started carrying a draft session in case he passed on when she was away. So the paperwork that she'd have to fill out if her dad died, which was lucky because in 1952, Elizabeth and Philip set out for a tour of Australia and New Zealand, and on the way, they stopped off at Kenya, as one does. On the way. Tell me Philip didn't say anything to anyone. Oh, that's fine. He probably did, but I don't have that written down. On the 6th February, 1952, they had just read it.

return to their Sagana Lodge after a night spent at the exclusive treetops hotel for a bit of a drink and a canopy. When word arrived... You don't know that. I don't know that at all. When word arrived of the death of the king... There won't be a race at Dave's funeral now.

I'm off the Christmas card list. I'm so sorry, Queenie. But word arrived of the death of the king, George V1, which meant Elizabeth would immediately become the queen. Philip heard the news first and he took her aside and let her know, which I think is a very nice thing to do.

Well, yeah, Dave. What, he let her know? He let her know where dad died. Yeah, and he did it in a very sensitive way. Yeah. Won't hear a bad word about that, Prince of Denmark and Greece. Wait, how were you expecting him to do it? She could have found out another way.

Write it on his fist and punch her in the arm. They play a charades guessing game. Your, oh, my dad is, oh, something, something. Dead. My dad is dead. Oh, shit. My turn. I just like that it's like, well, you know, her husband told her.

I think that was the right thing to do, Jess. Yes, he would. If I had a partner who found out that my parent had died and didn't tell me... Well, you know how you are with that kind of news, you know? It would have made you all emotional. It would ruin the whole safari. Yeah, we were having a nice time. We had those drinks.

We had those canopays. That's right. She chose to keep the name Elizabeth, because she could have had a regnal name, and she immediately returned to the United Kingdom and moved straight into Buckingham Palace. Did they have time to change the sheets? Yeah, they took him out in the sheets.

They rolled him up. I've got a quote here. This is another touching, moving moment to melt your heart, Matt. The legendary hunter, oh, that's not a good start because you're an animal guy, The legendary hunter... And by animal guide, you just made vegetarian? Well, no, we've talked about it on a previous episode.

Anyway, the legendary hunter, Jim Corbett, who did a lot of killing of animals, but he also hunted man-eating tigers and leopards, ones that were attacking people in India. He hunted man. He was also staying at the lodge at the time, and he wrote this in the Lodge's Visitors' logbook. For the first time in history of the world, A young girl climbed into a tree One day a princess

And after having what she described As her most thrilling experience She climbed down from the tree The next day, a queen God bless her Sounds like something somebody would say about Beyonce That should be the thought of my book I love that

That is really good I like how he stressed that it was of the world Not just in history Of the universe or you know That's right He's a real thing No, no, he's a really sick man. She was queen at just 25 years old.

No. Like you guys. I know, we're 25. I've done nothing. I'm not a queen. She didn't do anything either. Oh, good point. She was just born.

Matt, come on. She hasn't achieved anything. She just stayed alive long enough. It's an awful lot of responsibility. 55 more years to win you over. You could have done that if someone said, you're queen now. You'd be like, all right. Have you seen the...

It's a very good... with it. Have you seen the Princess Diaries? Have I seen the Princess Diaries? No, I haven't. Have you not seen it? Oh, Matt, this lady rocks up and says, hey, you're the air to my throne. And is it Mary Poppins plays that lady? Julie Andrews.

Sorry. And Anne Hathaway. I do get confused sometimes. When I listen back to the future episode, I did a couple of times refer to Michael J. Fox's Marty McFly. The actor Marty McFly. Oh boy. It's an easy mistake.

The Queen's coronation was held. That's when she becomes Queen, the ceremony, on the 2nd of June, 1953, which is... Do you appreciate the mansplain there? He didn't look at me when he said that. No, I didn't... Yeah, I know when a lady got given a big crown and some jewels. Of course I know I'm a woman.

Do you know, Coronet is French for Crown? and that is where the word coronation comes from. What about Corona though? That is also crown in Spanish. Huh. Look, I'm saying these, like, they're definitely facts. I do not know that either of those are true. And that is a fact.

Well, you backed it up with a fact here. I made a really sexist joke before, and I just want to point out that I was just kidding. What was your joke? Yeah, that'd be right. Didn't even hear me. I said, of course I know the day that a woman got given, like, jewels and things,

because, of course I would know that because I'm a woman. Oh, I didn't hear you say that because I thought it was just backing on from you talking about how you, of course, you watch the princess diary. Oh, okay, yeah, that makes more sense. I was just worried that I'd come across as a sexist prick and, you know. No, I think that's accused me of being a neo-Nazi on this episode, so I think it's all right. I didn't accuse him, I posed a question.

And it was a valid one. Yeah. A very lawyer-like way. I put it to you, Mr. Warnocky. I watched Making a Murder recently. Ah, I've just started. Shut up. Don't say anything.

Okay, good. I've started rewatching the X-Files. I'm not talking about it. If you want to talk about it, that'd be really good. The Queen's coronation was held in June 153, which, if you're a timeline person, you like to write out the timeline while you listen, that's one year and four months after the death of her father.

It took a long time so the Commonwealth could have a time of mourning. But they planned the wedding in four months. I know, but they needed a year. They announced the coronation one year beforehand. So in trivia, which you're involved in a bit, and this question would come up sometimes, when someone says when did Queen Elizabeth I second become Queen

It was from 1952 It is from 52 But the South African But the coronation is just making it official Yes I'm yeah 53 talking about That's my dad's birth year There you go

That's a cold hard fact I guess Like I wasn't there It's pretty cold hard Well you guys had got to talk about your nannas Hey no I wasn't as good mate Yeah Oh fuck you

Oh no There was a massive parade Massive parade for the coronation, including 10,000 service personnel marching. I'll give the feel of it. Oh, good. You continue. Three million spectators gathered in the streets of London. Can you do the sound of three million people, please?

The majority of what you're doing is physical. It totally is. Or visual even. I mean, everything's physical. Some people camped overnight just to get a good spot. Others having access to specially built stands and scaffolding along the road. The event was televised. It was the first televised coronation and also the only one so far.

And it was the world's first major international event to be broadcast on TV. More than 20 million viewers around the world watched the coverage, which at the time is a lot, because you know that famous Good Evening and Welcome to Television in Australia. That was 1956, so this is three years before that. Yeah, right. So it's really odd. Did you know about that bit of footage? That's not even the original one.

reenacting it. Yeah, isn't that funny? It's not that funny. It's hilarious, Jess. Think about it. Interesting, perhaps, but not funny. I don't think it's quite kicked in yet. When you get it later tonight, you are going to piss yourself.

Watch out, Lanna. Elizabeth's coronation gown, she's a man of the Commonwealth, and I say a man because I stuffed up. She's a woman of the Commonwealth because her gown was embroidered on her instructions with the floral emblems of Commonwealth countries. She had English Tudor Rose, Scots Thistle, Welsh Leak, Irish Shamrock, Australian Wattle, probably heard of that one, Canadian Maple Leaf, New Zealand, Silverthurn, South African Protea, Lotus Flowers for India and Ceylon, which is later called Sri Lanka,

and Pakistan's wheat, cotton and yute. I don't know why they get three, but they do. Matt, come on. That's really nice. She's covered in flowers for you, man. She's a woman of the people Yeah, also a man of the people Where are the flowers?

All over a gown Over a gown She smells terrible No actually They wouldn't go together at all Also it's the actual flowers Okay No, did you say they were embroidered?

Oh, embroidered Floral emblems, pardon me They're pictures of flowers No, I think They're probably scraps and sniff though, aren't they? Oh no, yeah, definitely That does help the poor people

throughout the Commonwealth He's all about animals and poor people, isn't he? Yeah, come on, Matt. Have a bit of fun. She's put on her fucking cool costume. Jesus. I'm all about poor. That's so good.

Matt, if you ever choose to get married, I've got a great plan for you to pay for your wedding. Guests from across the Commonwealth room. Why have you said if Matt chooses to get married? What if I choose to get married? Thanks for assuming nobody would want to marry me. As I used to always say, yeah, First, you've got to get someone of the opposite sex to talk to you, which I have done.

And you are still sitting over there. Have you ever even spoken to it? Dude? No, shut up. He's always three steps ahead of you. He's always three steps. Oh, no, well played. Well played.

Jess, if you also... As I always used to say, what... You know, when you say some bullshit to help you get enough time to think of the thing that you've stopped a conversation so you can say something? Look, as my papa always said to me, first, I'm so sorry. Well, if anyone wants to get married, okay? And I support both sexes, all sexes getting married. I just wanted to say this. If anyone wants to get married, I've got a plan for you.

And Elizabeth pioneered this in the 50s. Or actually, it's not even her wedding anymore, is it? It's a, if you, Matt, if you ever want to become king and you want to pay for the ceremony. It changes everything. I've got a plan for you. Guests from across the Commonwealth. That does really, I think. Guests from across the Commonwealth were invited and those lucky enough to be seated on stools were able to purchase theirs following the ceremony and take them home with the profits going towards the cost of the coronation.

So you have a wedding or an event or even at the Comedy Festival this year. sell your tickets and then at the end of the show sell the seats so people have something to remember you buy The seats aren't mine to begin with Who gives the fuck? Sell them anyway. Sell them. Wait, so was this the wedding or the coronation?

That's the coronation. You can be applied to any event. I'm a mogul. Now Matt, I've obviously been doing a lot of praise over here trying to make you like Queen Elizabeth the second but I've got a bit A bit of negative now. Try and balance out my thing.

Yeah, because I'm on board at this stage. She's been around forever, but she is arguably the least successful queen in the kingdom's history, as during her time of the throne, 16 countries have left the Commonwealth realm. No, I don't think that's her. So, Fiji, gone. Gambia, gone.

Ghana, Kenya, gone. Malta, Pakistan, gone. Trinidad and Tobago, I hear you say. Gone. And that's just to name a few. most of this happening in the 70s and 80s. I don't think that's because of her. I think that's just the world changing, man.

No, it's fine. It's totally is. It's the world changing. And she's been there for so long. All her ancestors died so early because they all married their cousins and they were missing bits. And so they didn't have very long reign. So how could they feel that successful? But she's been doing her for 50 years.

She's the best. Shut up. She's pretty good. And she is the queen of 16 countries still that are referred to. It's pretty good. Hey, Matt, how many countries are you the queen of? Man? None.

None, exactly. But she has lost half her realms. But she... They're not... Did they leave the Commonwealth, though? Or did they just leave... So now they're all like republics and things like that. But they can still be in the Commonwealth, right?

I can still be in the Commonwealth games and things like this. And the Commonwealth. They're no longer Commonwealth realms. What's the Commonwealth games then? You don't have to be in the Commonwealth to be in the Commonwealth games. Well, no, because so many left that if it was just us who's left now, it'd be a pretty shitty games. Well, the Commonwealth is just an association.

of things that were once under... Yeah, so you stay in the Commonwealth, but you can be a republic. But she's no longer the Queen. Like, is Canada... Is Canada still in the... Are they still... Yeah, they're still part of it.

Yeah, still part of it all? They're one of her realms. The Commonwealth Games are great because there's no America, so we actually have a chance. Or China. Or Russia. Yeah.

Or Russia. Yeah, but they're much nicer. They are much nicer in the way that they don't spend too much money on sport. Oh, sports. Ooh, topical. So then we get to the 70s.

In 1977, she celebrated her silver jubilee with 25 years on the throne. Woo! Good on her. Then in 1982, a man named Michael Fagan broke into Queen Elizabeth's bedroom in Buckingham Palace. Oh, my God. While she was sleeping. What? That seems crazy.

So he broke, he, this guy, Fagan, broke into Buckingham Palace, twice. So on the morning of Friday, the 9th... I know, I'll tell you, in 1982, in July, Fagan, who was then a 33-year-old unemployed decorator, he just scaled the palace 4.3

or 14-foot high perimeter wall, which had revolving spikes, barbed wire, all this stuff. He got over that, then he climbed up a drain pipe before wandering into the Queen's bedroom. He'd entered the palace to an unlocked window on the roof, and he spent half an hour,

cheddar cheese and crackers and just wandering around. No one stopped him. He tripped several alarms, but they were faulty, so they weren't working. So no one came to tell him off. He viewed the royal portraits. He rested on the throne for a little bit. Just sat down and had it. He went into the poster room where Diana,

Princess of Wales, had hidden presents from her first son, William. He drank half a bottle of wine before becoming tired and he left. What? Then on his second attempt, he came back, an alarm since it detected him, but police thought the alarm was just being faulty and they just silenced it.

He wandered the palace corridors again for several minutes before reaching the section where the royal apartments are located. And he broke a glass astray which cut his hand and then he was still carrying a piece of the glass when he entered the Queen's bedroom. She woke up when he disturbed a curtain and she left the room immediately. And she'd phone the palace switchboard twice for police, but none came immediately. and Fagan, the guy that broke in, he asked for some cigarettes

and apparently a maid brought them to him. That's great. Why? I guess she was just so used to of being told what to do. He was like, gave me some cigarette. She was like, yes, sir. He's in the queen bedroom, I must say, yeah. Why hasn't a movie been made about him?

That's the best. You know what, I've been to Buckingham Palace, right? It's very big. I don't know how he managed to find her bedroom. It's amazing, isn't it? It was his second attempt. Oh, true. To be fair.

Well, when I was wandering around, like looking at all the exhibition stuff in there, there was a little part of me that thought it would be really cool if, like, Queen Lizzie was just sort of wandering past on her way to the kitchen to get a cupper. That'd be cool, and she's wearing, like, slippers. She's like, don't mind me. That would be so good. That would be so good. I will just say that this guy, um...

That's amazing. So Fagan's still in the bedroom. Still? How long ago was this? That's very good. That is... Very good. There's some of that quick whiff.

So he gets escorted. it out by two policemen and Queen Elizabeth's footman, Paul Weibre, who's nicknamed Big Paul, because he's six foot four. And they took him out. But at the time, it was a civil wrong rather than a criminal offence. So he was not charged for trespassing into the Queen's bedroom. It was only 2007 that it became illegal to trespass onto Buckingham Palace. What?

He didn't even get in trouble for that? Well, he went to a psychiatric ward for six months, but that was because he was unstable. Yeah, it wasn't technically illegal. But in 1983, Michael Fagan recorded a cover version of the sex pistol song, God Save the Queen, with the British punk band The Bollock Brothers. No. He did a guess, folks. Oh, my God.

So the first time, it sounds like no one ever knew he was there. Yeah, no, they must have told that story. So we're going off his memory of it, this unstable man. Well, they found the empty wine. Well, they actually, when they first arrested him, charged him for the cheese and wine theft. But then they drop that because there's not much of a charge. Because that is illegal because he did technically steal half a bottle of wine and cheese and crackers. I also quite like to think when you say charge, they like invoiced him.

Yeah, that was a really expensive grange. If you could reimburse us for that cheddar cheese. Then we jump to the 90s. We're getting through it now. In a speech on the 24th of November 1992 to mark the 40th anniversary of her recession, Elizabeth called 1992 her anus horribulus, which means horrible year. That's right, but it sounds a lot like if you look at it written down, anus horribulus, which is something else.

Her sake year 1990s. That's a bad butthole. Bad butt. You sir have a bad, this was my worst butthole. This was my bad butt. This is my bad butt. But her year sucked. She's like, you picture her, like, with her legs up in the air, and she's just pointing.

This is my worst butthole, and she's just like a leg's up holding in what way. Okay. Worst. This is my horrible penis. And she's, like, sitting on her throne, legs up. And, like, there's a crowd and people take a photo. I'm pretty sure that's... I'm actually yelling at people.

Take a picture or last longer, so they do. Yeah. Any of that Any of that worth saying? Well, I'll tell you, her... I don't feel like I've said a single thing today that's been worth saying, but...

You continue to speak. Here we are. So, 1992, she called her anis horribilus because this is what happened in a sucky year. In March, her second son, Prince Andrew and his wife, Sarah, you know, Fergie. Oh, Fergie. Separated.

Fegelicious. Her daughter, Princess Anne, divorced Captain Mark Phillips during a state visit to Germany in October. Angry demonstrators threw eggs at her, and in November a large fire broke out in Windsor Castle, and the monarchy came under increased criticism and public scrutiny. So it was a bad year for old Queenie. Yeah, and for their buttholes.

This is my anus horribilis. It was something like that. Next year, let's have a good one, okay. Then we cruise past... Lizzie out. I'm the mic. It's a golden mic. We cruise past through the 90s.

Diana and Charles divorce Diana dies sadly all that kind of stuff Oh okay brush over the death of Diana Yeah we'll brush over that September 1997 We all remember where we were I was watching the Saints beat Port Adelaide To finish on top of the ladder

To be seated first in the 1997 final series What a time to be alive In 1999 Australia we had a chance to get rid of the Queen held a national referendum To amend our constitution become a republic with the president replacing the queen.

Her president. Yeah, we have to have a Spanish president. That's part of the constitution. I'd vote for that. It was a yes or no vote. Yes, if you want to get rid of the queen, no, if you want to keep her. The yes campaign was headed by the Australian Republican movement. Do you know who the chairman was?

Malcolm Turnbull. That's right. Our current prime minister, which I think is got to be super awkward because he'll definitely meet her. Now he's the prime minister. Wow. That should be cool. It was yes or no, the results were close. 45% of voters

were for the change to get rid of her, but nearly 55% and the winners were against the change. Victoria, I think it was the closest state at something like 49 to 51. Well, the only state or territory where the majority voted yes. That's right.

Matt's an expert on the bits about hating the Queen. Interesting. They were the only people, the Australian Capital Territory. Of Australia's 148 divisions. Because it's all politicians there. Well, it's all.

well educated people as well. Because it's all, well, it's all public servants and stuff as well, so it's all highly educated people. And funnily enough, they were all for the Republic. Queensland, on the other hand? Yeah, they were the lowest.

Shout out to our Queensland fans. Of Australia's 148 divisions, 42 voted yes, with Melbourne, 70.9% yes, Sydney, 67.8% being the highest yes areas. Melbourne were the most anti-queen.

Again, in inner city areas, well-educated people. Just silent. Just silent. It's funny, because you know when things like that happen, and they're also quite progressive, normally those inner-city seats, and they get bagged for being highly educated, university-educated latte-sipping people, like, who gives a shit about. It's like, wait, are you saying their opinions that are invalid

because they're well-educated, and they drink coffee? fucking ridiculous. We should listen to these people. Matt, you're the one who spends the time they're bagging out the affluent east. Yeah, now who's coming around to the... That's right. I thought you were the working class man. Wait, I'm not...

I grew up in the east. Look, I'm... I'm full of contradictions. But I don't know if affluence equals well-educated necessarily, although it often does, I guess. Not always. Anyway, whatever.

Please are gone. The Queen survives. So she's still the Queen of Australia, with one of her realms. And in 2002, the Queen celebrated her golden jubilee, 50 years on the throne. And 10 years later, more recently in 2012, she celebrated her diamond jubilee. Do you remember the celebration, 60 years on the throne? Oh, yes. I had songs.

There's a big concert, right? Yeah. Paul McCartney would have been there. And that's when my favourite, yeah, Paul McCartney was there. And my favourite bit was Prince Charles making a speech, and he calls her mummy in his speech. Oh, good. This is like, this is... That's beautiful.

Because you know what? You know what, Matt? Yeah, they're a monarchy. Yeah, they're the rulers of the country. But you know what else they are? They're a bloody family. They're a family. They're a group of focards living in a bubble who get to be multi-millionaires because we allow

them to be. Yeah. And they still share a really special bond. And he says like, your royal highness, mummy. And it's like, aw. Because, cause, you know what? You know what she is? He's mum.

Because at the end of the day, she's just a regular mum. and grandma, she's got grandkids. I'm sure she's got friends. She's just a regular human. I've never heard anything about friends. Well, the Queen surpassed her great-grandmother, Queen Victoria, to become the longest-lived British monarch in December 2007, and the longest reigning British monarch,

9th of September 2015. She overtooks her. Now she's the longest ever reigning monarch. Good on her. Her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She's got four children we talked about. eight grandchildren and five great-grandchildren suddenly. And we're just going to go through in line to the throne.

Do you know who's next up, the order? Charles. Charles is number one. Willie. William's number two. No, not Harry. Wouldn't it be his, wouldn't it be? Prince George.

Oh, yeah. He's got two sons then. Number three. George and Charlotte. Oh, that's a girl. Then number four is. Harry. Princess Charlotte's because in 2013, they passed a law to make it not dependent on gender.

anymore. Oh, great. Which makes more... Oh, that is a big step for. I didn't hear about that. And that's only in 2013. Oh, that's because she was only born then. No, I know, but that's still kind of embarrassing if I hadn't thought of that before then.

It is funny because, like, all they're... Well, not all of them, but a lot of the great British monarchs have been ladies, like the current one, who was, like, totally loved. And I think a lot of people would say that they're pretty happy as an Australian constitutional monarchy under Queen Elizabeth I think people might have second thoughts under Charles maybe because he's a bit of a bumbling weirdo and then and then William I think is popular again so it would be interesting to see we'll see if George and Charlotte turn out all right and then Prince Harry is after Charlotte can I just say like if I was somewhere if I was like second or third to the throne

right I'd be like please don't come to me please don't get to me please don't get to me right so if I was Charlotte and I found out the year I was born they were like oh that's not fair Let Charlotte have a go maybe. I'd be like, fuck! But that's only if her older brother dies, so I mean, it would be a bit of a damnery. I wouldn't want it. I wouldn't want that responsibility. No, you just get the sweet life without...

Yeah, you just... None of the pressure. Anyway, I'm sorry, Dave, do go on. That's fine, no. I love speculating upon being a prince and a princess. I mean, give me the tiaras any day. Do you think, so Charles, does he get the... He, as long as he's alive, he gets first dibs?

Yeah, he's number one. Right. First in line. I don't think he really gets a choice. I think it's like it's you or you abdicate. You're like default. Yeah, well, that's what I mean. You can default and then...

And then he could pass it on if he was very senile by that time. So even if he was 102, it'd still be him? Yes. Yeah, right. That's interesting. But people are like, for example, that King Juan Carlos of Spain, he abdicated to give his son a go. Yeah. Because he felt he was getting too old.

But the Queen has said that she won't do that. but Prince Charles has stepped up and started doing more of her public appearances because obviously she's going to be 19 or this year. I'm 25 and I'm tired. But you know what to keep you going? How about sweet cash? Her wealth is often speculated upon, but the Sunday Times rich list for 2015 estimated

Queen Elizabeth II's private wealth to be approximately £340 million pounds. That's pretty good. Making her the 300 and second richest person in the UK. The Royal Collection, which includes thousands of historic works of art, and the famous Crown Jewels, however, are not owned by the Queen, were held in a trust, as are her official residences, such as Buckingham Palace and Windsor Castle. She doesn't technically own those,

which is a property portfolio valued at half a billion pounds. She does, however, own property including Sandringham Castle and House, pardon me, and Belmoral Castle. Scotland. And she can't sell the British Crown estate's holdings. Sure. It's estimated the Crown's estate have holdings of nearly 10 billion pounds with a B. But she's not allowed to be like, sweet, I don't need this anymore, guys.

Let's cash it in. People would notice. What she does own, though, how would she have purchased that? Like, would she have said to her dad, Daddy, I'd quite like, Phil of a lot of thinking who I'd like to get a property in Scotland? When her mother died, Elizabeth the Queen Mother, It was estimated that she inherited 70 million pounds. So they have a private wealth, definitely.

But what blows my mind when I think about people like hers live is she's probably never been to an ATM. Yeah, it doesn't. There'd be no point. Money to her doesn't really matter, does it? No, does she ever see money with her face on it? Or does she just go to people like, no, that's what I want. Are they go and buy it? Yeah, surely.

You know she never wears the same outfit twice? What happens to them all? I don't know. She's a real, just a real person. Just a real normal. I never wear the same thing twice. I've never seen you wear that top before. I haven't seen that top before.

No, you both just never noticed. Yeah, I've never seen that T-shirt day, but that's okay. Thank you. All right, we're going to end the show as Jess often does with some fun facts. Yeah, fun facts. So we're up to modern day now, but in 2012, to coincide with the Diamond Jubilee, a famous building was renamed Elizabeth Tower in her honour. Can you guess which building, it's in London, was renamed Elizabeth Tower?

As in permanently? permanently. That's what his name. I'm guessing a tower. Yeah, the Tower of London, which I don't doubt they would have done that. I think they just left that Tower of London. The Gurkin? The Gurkin, no. No, I don't know.

It is the clock tower of the Palace of Westminster that everyone calls Big Ben. What? Its real name is Elizabeth Tower. Because Big Ben is the bell, right? So, yeah, Big Ben is the colloquial name for the largest bell inside the clock tower. Oh, so it's the bell that's called. So you used to just be called the clock tower of the Palace of Westminster, and now it's officially called Elizabeth Tower.

Oh, right, that's interesting. Fun fact. People might think it's named after a mum. When was that? When was that? When was that? I was there, and I was calling it Big Ben like some kind of idiot. You bloody idiot. But I think that's just one of those facts that is there just to trip people up.

You see it on trivia shows all the time. People say what is Big Ben, and people say it's the clock or the tower. but it basically is because that's what people say. I don't think anyone's going, let's check out Elizabeth Tower. They're still saying Big Ben and no one can see the bell. Yeah.

So it's a bullshit fact, but it's still technically fun, because it's in the fun facts. Okay, sorry, no, no, it's a fun. That's very fun. Look, yeah, I feel like maybe you might have felt like that somehow I was having a go at you there when I said that's a load of fucking bull,

but I was, that was just joking about. Yeah, we're having a good time. Just some mates having things. some fun. Fun facts. Fun facts. In her time, the Queen has answered approximately three and a half

million items of correspondence. You can still write a letter to the Queen. My grandparents have received correspondence from the Queen. Because they're 100? No, well, for their 60th wedding anniversary.

That's right. She sends out telegrams to people that live to be 100 or older in the Commonwealth or if you celebrate your 60th wedding anniversary. That's lovely that they do.

And my grandpa wants to get to 100 just so he gets a letter from her but he doesn't want, he wants her to still be Queen at 100. How old is he now? Charles, he's 90s, same age as her. So they've just both got to make 100.

I reckon she could. She's looking great. Yeah, her mom did. Yeah, I think so. She went pretty close. I'm pretty sure. Elizabeth the Queen Mother, she died age 101.

Nice one. All right. Nice number. Queen Elizabeth II in her for 60 years of rain, the Queen undertook 261 official overseas visits and she visited 116 countries. Imagine her passport.

Would she have a passport? Yeah, surely right. How does she fly? She have her own plane. Presumably. She has her own plane, yeah, for sure. Still. She was the first reigning monarch to visit Australia.

And on her first visit, it was estimated that three quarters of the Australian population saw her. See, that's kind of weird, isn't it? That's crazy. Wasn't Harry just here? And, like, I didn't even notice? Yeah, but she was the first ever queen to come. No, I know, but now we don't make as much as fast. And also there's a lot less people.

Some of it, like, I think Charles studied at Geelong Grammar for a little bit. And maybe that's a hundred, is her. Will did as well If you ever meet Just normal people Had your long grammar Exactly If you ever meet the Queen Matt

According to the official royal website You should Men should perform a neck bow From the head only So a bit of a nod How are you? How are you? Lerzy? Mate

Mite Whilst women should do a While puckering your lips Give her a wink A wink and a pucker You'll be right All right man Take the hat off

Take the cap Whilst women should do a small curtsy, other people, this is on the website, still quoting, prefer simply to shake hands in the usual way. Interesting. On presentation to the Queen, the correct formal address is Your Majesty

the first time, and subsequently ma'am. Mom, thank you, ma'am. Mom is in harm, not ma'am as in ham. That's from the King's speech. Oh, that's bloody good. You can write a letter to the Queen. You can get some of this correspondence.

If you wish to write a formal letter, you can open with Madame and close the letter with this. And I'm sure... Matt, you'll be writing this. I have the honour to be, Madam, Your Majesty's Humble and Obedient Servant. It then says on the website, you don't have to close your... Like it says, you don't have to do that.

You know, when you say she writes, she's written a million letters or whatever? Someone's written it and she's signed it, right? She's not physically going, dear Matthew Thank you so much for the letter and cookies Cookieies For a second I also went

Where to get the name Matthew That's your name Well we're going to find out when we turn 100 and get it She won't be alive when I'm 100 Damn it Well she could be She's looking great In her time the Queen has famously owned over 30 corgis

Coggy dogs In 1933 her father bought home a corgi called Dookie. Adorable. So cute. Matt, come on. You love animals. Dookie. Yeah, come on. That means a piece of shit.

But other corgis, other corgis have included sherry, whiskey, bushy and foxy, if you like that. I reckon she would still be able to name all of them for you, probably. She just loves them. But perhaps the most famous corgi was Susan.

I love dogs with human names. It was given to her on her 18th. birthday and from all which future Corgi's descendants. Most of them are related to Susan. That's nice. Susan. Susan.

Don't shit on the carpet, Susan. Matt, do you do the voice better. Susan. Please. Get off the rug. He was it. No more. No more shitting on the rug.

Do I reckon she's ever swore? Carry on now. She's like she's got a potty mouth, I reckon. Man. Fuck me, Philip. The dog has done it again. No, no, not like that, Philip, please. I don't know what, yeah, I'm all over the shop.

All right, final fact. Final fun fact. In 2012, Queen Elizabeth I second's corgis, Monty, Willow and Holly appeared during the brief James Bond sketch when Daniel Craig arrived at Buckingham Palace for the mission to take the Queen to the 2012 Olympics opening ceremony.

Do you remember that video? So Daniel Craig intended to be... It was the best thing that... ever happened. Daniel Craig pretends to be James Bond. He escorts the Queen and their dogs are in the background, three of them.

And then they have a video that looks like she and him parachute out of the plane together into the stadium. It's just like a skydab address as the Queen, which is great. But this is the fun fact. Monty, who had previously belonged to the Queen Mother, died in September 2012,

but Monty had been named for the Horse Whisperer and friend of the Queen, Monty Roberts. Monty Roberts, the horse whisperer. It's all come full circle, horse whispering. And Olympics. And Olympics. It all comes together.

So he's named after the horse whisperer, and he was part of the Olympics. That is beautiful. But that was a really cool part of the Olympic ceremony. It was. So it was like a video that played on the screen of James Bond going into her office. And she's just sitting there riding, and he sort of waits every bit. And then he does like an awkward, like, and then she gets up. And she's like, all right.

And they walk through the corridors, and they get into the helicopter, and then the helicopter flies off, and it flies over London. And then an actual helicopter appears above the stadium, and two people jump out of it wearing the outfit. And then the queen, that's when the queen arrives. Like, she pretends it. She plays along with it. What a legend. Sounds like, yeah, she's a real good sport.

Yep. She sounds like a very normal person. Yeah, that's what we're really, obviously getting out of this. After everything she's done with us, you know, done for us. She's just so down to earth. Yeah, you know. Had everyone's money, lived an easy life. You know, after all, she's done for us.

All right, Matt. Time has come for you then. I think that you are leaning towards keeping the queen, if you can choose. I'll ask Jess first. Given the vote, would you keep Queen Elizabeth II as our monarch? Honestly, I don't really understand what would happen if we became a republic. We just have a president. Yeah, so like what's...

As well as a Prime Minister. I don't even know if we'd necessarily have a president. We just have an Australian head of state. So it would probably still be called the Governor General, I think. But it depends. There could be. I mean, there's lots of different ways it could be. But I think that's the official way that...

So the wording of the change in 1999 was to alter the Constitution to establish the Commonwealth of Australia as a republic, with a Queen and Governor General being replaced by a president appointed by two-thirds majority of the members of the Commonwealth Parliament. So that was, yeah, that was what... So John Howard was really smart. he knew that the Republic was by far more popular than the monarchy at the time. So he chose the way he allowed the vote as Prime Minister,

which is kind of up to him, but there was pressure on to do it. But the only way to get it in was to have an unpopular system, which was having a president that was chosen by the Parliament. Yeah. So he knew that that was going to be unpopular. So the people who wanted a republic still voted no, some did. Yeah. Because they're like, we'll wait until we can do it the way we wanted.

do it. Yeah. And others just want to know. And that's what pushed the nose interesting. Over the line. Now the current head of the Republican movement is Fitzs, Fitzsimmons, Peter Fitzsimmons, Fitzsimmons. And I think the official, like I think the system that they would go with if, or what he favors or they favor at the moment would be pretty much not changing anything. It's a symbolic thing. Nothing would change apart from the head of state would now be. an Australian. So basically instead of the governor general asking for the rubber stamp from the queen,

he wouldn't have to heed the one who gives the rubber stamp. So it really, it doesn't, it's totally, it's entirely symbolic. You would not feel any change. Yeah, I don't think it would be any difference. So it's not, it just means that, I mean, to me it is bizarre that we still have an English-born royal as basically, like, literally, like, literally. literally our king or queen. Yeah.

And that's the main reason. Then they changed the flag. Uh, wouldn't have to, but probably would. You probably would. Because I'll be happy to change the flag as well. What a boring fucking flag. Looks like the same flag as every other country in the Commonwealth.

I don't particularly like the options they give us. They win people try to make it. Yeah, no, that's the trouble with it. For the sake of argument, I would just say, keep it as it is. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. I would like to pledge my royal official allegiance Queen Elizabeth the second.

What a lady. Keep going. Another 60 years. I can see her up the top. Come on, Lizzie. It's going to happen. You guys, it will happen one day. All right, there you go.

Two to one. Two to one, Matt. I'm afraid. You are out. All right. So that's Queen Elizabeth the second. Two yeses. One, no.

Matt will be... But mine was a strong yes. Okay. And mine was a fairly weak nose. Oh, yes, for the Republic. You'll probably be taken out of the back and have your head chopped. off secretly tonight.

My mom's a very weak night. Quinn Elizabeth I second's Corgi Militia. She's got a corgi militia. You've got to know these things. Thanks so much for listening to the show. And if you are from overseas where none of this affects you at all, thanks for putting up with that. If you're an American or...

You're probably American. They have a little day called Independence Day, and they fucking got it done a few years ago. It was a great film, yeah. It's great, that's right. And they're doing a sequel. So thank God for that. Thank God.

It's a sequel to... You know what, thank Queen for that. Thank you. God bless the Queen. I pledge my humble allegiance to be her servant. If you had a good time on the show or listening to the show, you can let us know by tweeting us at DoGoOnPod whenever we get a tweet. Bloody lights up our day, doesn't it, guys? And our phones, mainly.

It's a notification on three different mobiles. Imagine that. Imagine that. So send us a tweet, review the show, all that kind of stuff. Thanks so much for listening. We'll be back next week with the report, Matt. Yes. Yeah, looking forward to doing that.

It is me next. Bloody hell. All right. Hey, if you have any ideas for what I should do, feel free to tweet in at DoGoOnPod. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'd love to get some fresh ideas.

Because at the moment, mine's going to be about the Republican movement. I think that could get a bit tedious. I think you're totally good. I think you're good. Well, thank you so much, guys, and we'll see you next time. Goodbye.

Later. Bye. Hey team, Dave here, just quickly dropping your line at the end of the show to tell you that it is coming up to comedy festival season across Australia. So if you want to come and see us do some comedy live, now is the time to listen. First off on the calendar is Perth for the Fringe World Festival. I'm coming over in February to do my comedy quiz show Facti fact-fact versus the audience. Pretty much it's a comedy quiz show where three comedians are asked very silly questions. and they compete against the audience. You guys get to answer the questions as well. It's a lot of fun, and I'm doing it at Noodle Palace in Northbridge, and I'm also doing some shows out at the Midland Junction Arts Center,

out at Midland. All these shows are on between February the 4th and the 13th, and if you're interested, you can check out fringeworld.com.com. You type in fact-e-fact, and the show comes up. So that is it for me now. All three of us are doing separate. shows at the Melbourne Comedy Festival at the end of March and in April, but we'll tell you about that a little later. Thanks so much, I promised myself that I'd use this show for good and not

evil. So I really, really hope that the show will be good and not evil. So thanks so much for listening. I'll see you guys next week. Bye. I love you. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester. We We're just in Manchester. We're just there. But this way you'll never, it'll never miss out.

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