Do Go On - 130 - Donald Crowhurst & The Golden Globe Race

Episode Date: April 18, 2018

In search of fame and fortune, Donald Crowhurst enters The 1968 Sunday Times Golden Globe Race Around the World - a competition for the first person to solo circumnaviagate the world without stopping.However, unlike the rest of the field, Crowhurst is not a highly qualified sailor. He decides to mortgage his house and business in order to build his own boat for the 30,000 mile journey. When things don't go well at sea, he begins to lie about his position in the race... But will his huge lie catch up with him?Dave reports on this crazy story, recorded live at The Melbourne Comedy Festival.- Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes:www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPod- Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: http://bit.ly/DoGoOnHat Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] AND FURTHER READING:Deep Water (IFC Films, 2006), Fantastic documentary: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IY2rQh8UraYhttps://www.rightboat.com/articles/the-greatest-ever-yacht-race-1969-sunday-times-golden-globe-racehttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunday_Times_Golden_Globe_Racehttp://goldengloberace.com/ggr/https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/this-britain/drama-on-the-waves-the-life-and-death-of-donald-crowhurst-421934.htmlhttps://www.sportsnet.ca/more/big-read-donald-crowhursts-heartbreaking-round-world-hoax/http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-414489/Donald-Crowhurst-sea-lies.htmlhttps://www.theguardian.com/uk/2009/apr/05/donald-crowhurst-lone-sailor Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

Good afternoon. This time, live at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. How are you doing? Oh, thank you so much. Thank you so, so much for coming out on this beautiful Saturday afternoon. My name is Dave Ornke, and this is a podcast. And podcasting is, of course, a team sport. So let's welcome my teammates now.

It's Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart, ladies and gentlemen. Yay! Thanks for having me, Dave. All right, let's... This old thing? Cornadel. All right, so... Do you know where this shirt was...

Short shirt? You know where... You know where this shirt was purchased? Where was it purchased from exactly? Gary Indiana. Gary Indiana. Camille? Camille.

What a fucking legend. Everyone else is on notice. No, good on you all. No, I'm not saying you're worse than him. He's just better than you. That's all. Yeah, all right. Just trying to do the maths on that.

My strength. For those listening at home, Matt, he's wearing a Gary Indiana shirt, and I don't think he's ever going to take it off. Camille also said, please don't go to Gary. It's no good. But I think he's lying. Yeah, it just makes us want to go there even more. It totally does.

Murder capital? Yes. I did not know that part Yes Yeah we do love a good murder here at Do Go On Let's see if someone gets murdered today Okay I don't know if you've heard last week's episode

But listening back I was encouraging a group of people To cheer Potential death And then myself I was hearing myself be disappointed That someone didn't die That's so bad That's sociopathic

right there. Anyway, but how are you, Jess and Matt? You good? For the audio recording, Jess. Yeah, she just flipped me off for those at home. I'm going to do a lot of mime today. I don't know why. I'm very well, thank you, Dave.

I had coffee earlier, and I feel pretty blinded up tip top. I had a banana for potassium. You have coffee every day. Yep. Okay. Matt, you good? You good for this? Yeah, real good. I mean that.

Oh, good. And how are you guys? Are you good? Oh, there's so many of you here. Hello. Hello, everyone at the bar. Hello. You guys... I mean, it's impossible to get a drink right now, isn't it? That's okay. But if you wanted to grab us one, that's fine. No volunteers. Interesting, okay?

That's why they don't get a seat. Oh, you grabbed your beer just to sort of shove it in our faces. I got mine. I'm prepared. Yeah, well, that's our fault. You're right. That is so right. Now, I don't want some of your beer. Thank you, though. Not that it's your beer.

Yes, it is that it's your beer. I don't know where you've been. I'll have some of yours. No, no. I'll have some of that one. Give me a round of applause if you have heard our podcast before. Thank you. Now, conversely, if you've never heard the podcast, cheer now.

People always pointed I'm like this one. Make fun of this one. We won't. We won't. I won't. We won't. Welcome to the club. Thank you. Episode 130, I believe. What happens on this show is one of us is going to report on a topic suggested by a listener on multiple listeners.

And this week it is my turn to do a topic. I'll stop it. You fucking love it. You love it so much. Now, I do love the reports. I love making the report, but I also love making them really, really long. So I hope you have no plans tonight.

It's the only thing he can make long. Oh, very good. Sass twins. Off to a raging start. You're fucked. I'm not. They're going to take you down. You're off to a raging start.

I'm not off to a raging start. She just implied my penis was small. I was just going with it. There's no bad ideas on the show, Jess. Even the ones, even that kind of idea. Okay. All right, all right. So I'm going to start this topic with a question because I'm conventional. All right. Jess. Yes.

Matt, to get us on topic, we start with the question. You know you're looking at me. This question, it's one of those open ones. The potential of winning how much money, How much money would it take for you to consider sailing around the world on your own without stopping? That was a confusing question. How much money would it take is what you're asking? Yeah, how much prize money if you complete the task?

With your little sailing experience. I mean, that's something you are presuming. I typed in Jess Perkins' sailboat into Google and nothing came up. So that's my research. Try Jess Perkins' yacht. Mega yacht! It doesn't count if you have a crew of 60 people running your mechanic I did recently send you guys pictures of sick yachts I'd found a line

Did I? Yeah, she did She said which one? Which one? Which one are we going to buy first? Yeah, podcasting is going real well. Okay, how much money? Have you got any boating experience?

No, I mean, so I thought how much would you be, so you're not paid up front. No, it's only if you can put it. Well, as I could, I mean, I'm not going to ever do that, so it's a stupid question. Jess, tell him. It's a stupid question. Thank you. What have I offered you 5,000 pounds? No.

All right? Well, some people are fucking dumb enough to try. So that was in the 60, 60,000 pounds or 110,000 Aussie dollars. Would you try it? You wouldn't try it. For 110,000. Yeah. How much does a yacht cost to start? Why 110?

You know? Alright. All right. Well, I didn't think you'd get the topic. So this is the story of Donald Crowhurst and the Sunday Times Golden Globe Race Around the World. Catchy. Have any of you guys heard of that?

Fuck yeah. Because this is a good story. I will not confirm nor deny that people die here. This topic was suggested by Carl Smith. Thank you, Carl. That's a fake name. Carl.

What's your surname? Smith. Well, thank you, Carl, Smith. So I'm just going to jump straight into the topic. You guys have never heard of it, obviously. No. No, I know it well. I'll take this one from here.

In 1966. I've worked too long and too hard on this to give that to him. 1966 you know what happened that year no Saints won the Premiership Yeah You're wearing your Saints at today He wears that every day

Yeah Where's that every fucking day Anyway okay This is the story Of Don Crowhurst The Sunday Times Golden Globe race around the world Yes it is fucking catchy

Alright It's a good band name Okay I reckon they'd suck All right, in 1966, Englishman Francis Chichester, creating this name, became the first person to single-handedly circumnavigate the world via the clipper route.

The clipper route. I hear you ask, Jess. It's the clipper roots. Jess, do you want to have a guess at what the clipper root is? Oh. Say his name again. Oh, all right, I thought you were laughing at root, okay. Yeah, that too.

Francis Chichester. Oh, I love it so much. I love the shape your mouth makes. Shane, you got that, yeah? Oh, you must. Chichester. Stephen. That is Stephen.

I am not fucking Stephen. I fucking hate that dog so much. Anyway, the clipper route, I hear you ask. Thank you. The clipper route is basically the fastest continuous around the world route from England. to Australia and back again. However, it is also one of the most dangerous

passing south of the three great caves. Dave knows all about fast roots. My favourite bit was I had well and truly moved on. You're like... I hadn't. I think there's a joke here. Give me a sec. Give me a sec.

Fast root! You're right, I am a comic genius. This has 18 pages. For context, mine normally a seven. All right, so it's a super dangerous route. You go through the three great capes exposing your ship to hazards like fierce winds, huge waves and icebergs. The 65-year-old Chichester captured the hearts and attention of England when he single-handedly achieved the feat in the world record setting time of nine months and one day. He returned to 250,000 people cheering him on, and a few weeks later he was even knighted by Queen Elizabeth II for his efforts.

So it was a big deal in England at the time. On his journey he had stopped off in Sydney. So before he even returned, people... That's in our country. Yes. Which is on the clipper route. So before he even made it back, people were looking ahead at the next challenge.

They thought they wanted to be the first person to solo circumnavigate the world via the clipper route without stopping at all. That's the next challenge. Chichester had been sponsored by the Sunday Times newspaper and they had unexpectedly profited from his success. He had brought the paper fame and glory and they had greatly increased sales

with their coverage of his travels. So 28-year-old English Navy man and sailor Robert Knox Johnston was adamant that the first non-stop solo circumnavigation should be completed by an Englishman and he tried to get sponsorship from the Sunday Times. Okay. Well, they said no.

No. They did not have confidence in the young man. They didn't think that he was going to be the first person to do this. So he instead went to the Sunday Times. Okay. Sunday Mirror. Oh my God. Clerical error.

In fact, many people came out of the woodworks and they started claiming that they would be the first to attempt the voyage. And the Sunday times are the problem of not knowing who to back. Sure, they wanted to be involved with the first person to do it, but they didn't want to put all their eggs in one basket and have some other sailor beat them to the victory.

So they ingeniously came up with the way to be associated with the first person to actually do it. They created an open competition and they made entry automatic. So anyone sailing single-handedly around the world that you would be considered in their race. So just claim everyone. You're doing it? You're mine.

Mine, mine. So anyone is doing it. They didn't even have to, like, submit a in 25 words or less. No. Why should you? No. Really? Can never do it.

25 words. How am I going to convey a story? Invoke emotion. My tip was a limerick. I have won a trip to Mexico. It's true. It's true. With a limerick?

That wasn't a limerick. limerick, no. Okay. Hot tip then. There once was a girl named Jess. I assured her limericks are best. But she said no.

Anyway, I don't remember the structure of a limerick. It's a working progress. I think I was already over 25 words. Anyway, so they're claiming anyone who's doing their thing. And to even further hedge their bets, they decided to set up two prizes. One was the Golden Globe trophy for the first person to sail non-ta.

stop around the world. And secondly, they set up a 5,000 pound prize for the sailor who completed the journey in the fastest time. So again, that's 60,000 pounds in today's money. So now they're covered even if multiple people completed in one year. They get to claim the first person to do it and the fastest person.

So they've got fingers in all pies. In all pies. All pies. Dave, what did you eat before the show today? I had a pie. I did not use my finger. How did you eat it? I honestly thought I could do that and I could not.

I couldn't do it. Yeah, weird. Okay. So the only problem that comes with automatic entry is that there's no vetting process. You're absolutely right. And now literally anyone can compete in what is an essentially very dangerous task. And they couldn't stop people who weren't qualified to achieve it safely. There's just a guy in a dingy.

Legit. Someone put their bath in there. Someone was just in their bath. And the Sunday times were like, they're doing it for us. Yes. Claiming it. The one concession to safety was that they required all competitors to start between the 1st of June and the 31st of October. Scary.

In order to... It's a spooky episode. He mentioned the date of Halloween. So they wanted you to go in those months in order to pass through the treacherous southern ocean. Tretress. and you treacherish Chichesh the Southern Ocean

in the safer period of summer that's their only concession you have to go through the dangerous bit in summer when there's less winds Oh the only other rule was that the entrance had to start and finish

their journey somewhere in the British Isles Start and finish Okay yep Yeah great Sure That's so far you've only done Two the only other rules

Yeah I think you only get one The only other rules The only other rule Is you never question the rules Please adhere to that rule all in all nine men were to take on the challenge a few of them were Robert Knox Johnston

the aforementioned English Navy man and sailor South African raised Nigel Tetley Oh that's also good Frenchman Bernard Mortissier Will These men were all experienced sailors wanting to sail into history

They knew what they were getting into these guys Of course they didn't have GPS satellites or constant weather updates like people do today What? I don't know. In fact, Robert Knox Johnson's weather system was a barometer from the wall of a pub. Described one.

And it also has a clock, but every time just says beer a clock. He's just constantly cheesy. What a guy. Already read that bit. Now, no one was surprised that these men had volunteered for the competition. They're sailors, they're hardcore.

However, four days after the race was declared, an unlikely competitor step four. Mother Teresa. She was like, I got this. She probably would have been more qualified than this man, Donald Crowhurst. Oh, I like that. Oh, he's from the name of the show.

Yes. I reckon this is going to be linked. I reckon this is going to have something to do with it. He's the kind of guy in a sitcom that appears the studio audience applaud. That's the crammer. He's Fonzie. He is the Fons. Does he die?

We all die, mate. Thank you, man. Sorry. Sorry to be the one to tell you that. The look on your face. A little cuddle. Just just gave him a hug.

Everyone saw that. Yeah, everyone in the room saw that, but the people listening at the pot at home did not see that. It's amazing. It's amazing. They somehow missed it. They somehow missed it. Donald Crowhurst, our main man,

the Fons Arelli, was born in British India in 1932. His father worked on the Indian railways whilst his mother was a school teacher. When his father died, they moved to England and they were soon beset by financial problems. Wool death. They were soon beset by financial problems.

Crowhurst briefly served in the armed forces when he grew up, but was forced to resign after a rowdy evening involving a stolen car. Matt. I don't feel like I don't understand. I don't know. I just feel like you'll.

You're the crazy party bad boy of the pod. Oh, no doubt about that. How many rowdy nights have you had that been doing a stolen car of a lot? Could count them on bloody two hands. That's more than five. Could count them on more than two hands? Yeah. You nailed it.

Well, I know lingo. Well, our guy is a bit of a bad boy. And what do all bad boys do, Jess? That's right. Sorry, shuckers. They shuckers. and then start an electronics business in Bridgewater, found in our favorite county of Somerset.

Somerset. I fucking love Somerset. SummerSat. Look, I've never been to Somersat that I imagine they're shuckin' all night long. They are shuck-a-luckin. Anyway, I need to stretch my legs there. He married Claire and together they had four children. Too many.

He married Claire and together. they had three children, two children. Drop on my fly. He was an engineer and designed and sold marine navigation equipment in his electronics store, which had some success, but then his business started to fail. Uh-oh.

Crowhurst, who could at best be described as a weekend sailor at this point, decided to gain publicity for himself in his business by entering the Golden Globe race. I mean, he's still got more experience than us, you know? Like, well, I can't judge. Anyway, go on. Like, oh, he's only sales every weekend.

He's still pretty good. You said he was less likely than Mother Teresa. Is Mother Teresa like a three-day-a-week sailor? Yeah, three-day weekends. Monday, Wednesday, Friday, baby, she's out on the sea. Shuck-a-luckin. That's not catching on. Confident of that.

Is that catching on? No. Oh, I got a thumbs up. I got a couple of shucks. Shuckers, yeah. shuck-a-luck and let's all say it one, two, three shuck-luck-luck-luck-lake-h.

It's almost like they'll say anything I want them to. If you're desperate enough, yes. On the count of three, Dave's desperate. One, two, three. Yes, he is. Okay, so, Crowhurst, The Weekend Sailor.

Crow was a... The weekend sailor. With Crowhurst, the skipper to the Millioner. Original Gilligan's Island theme song, The Movie Star and The Rest. There was only two more. Professor and Mary Ann, and they were just The Rest.

That's fucked. That's brutal. Series 2, they sorted it out. Don't worry about that. This podcast is Dave and the Rest. And the rest. So, Crowhurst. Crowhurst had been inspired by Francis Chichester's

story of sailing around the world and for a man who had grown up with adventure stories of heroes, overcoming challenges. This seemed like a way to make his mark on the world and at the same time gain fame, fame, fame and fortune. He's a triple threat, fame, fame and fortune. Yeah. His wife Claire was supportive and told him that if he was able to raise the money for the journey, then he deserved it.

On you, Claire. If you, yeah, I think that's kind of stating the obvious there, Claire. Yeah. If you're able to do this, then you can do it. Oh, thanks, Claire. Thanks for your support. You dog. That wasn't right.

That wasn't right. Crowhurst did not say that. He said, thank you. He needed money, yes, but he didn't want to just buy a boat, Jess. Oh, no, no, no, no. This engineer wanted to build his own boat. Okay. Oh, Jesus, is right.

A boat that could beat the rest of the field of hardly qualified and experienced sailors. He thought that was the one thing getting in his way of victory. He was able to get the money and sponsorship that he needed from a caravan dealer. Great. That's good because you've got the triple bunk and stuff. That's a way, if I'm sailing, I want to have like a small, shitty stove. Next to the toilet. And a table it turns into a bed.

Not a lot of caravaners in tonight. Yeah, growing up in the affluent East, Sweden never used a caravan. He's not sailing a caravan. Well, I'm confused then. The caravan dealer was Stanley Best, who was a business. but not experienced with this kind of sponsorship so he offered Crowhurst a business deal the deal was if Crohurst pulled out of the race

before it started or early on then Crowhurst would have to buy the boat back off of him. To afford this Crohurst would have to sell his home and business so basically now he has to do it or he'll lose everything but he just has to start the race I'd do a little Ui in the bay

he pretty much has to complete the race That's different. It's quite entirely different to what I thought. And Crowhurst agreed to the deal. He also hired Rodney Holworth from the Daily Mail as his public relations officer. The newspaper would have exclusive access to him

during the attempt and would regularly report his progress. So as well as his own hopes and dreams, and now his family, the caravan dealer and now a newspaper are relying on his success. The pressure is already mounting. The boat Crowhurst built for the trip was the Tinmouth Electron, A 40 foot or 12 metre long, tri-maran.

Oh, yeah. I was going to explain what that is, but obviously you know what it is. Try means have a go. And obviously, I think a Moran is a dessert, right? Yeah. So I think we've been able to piece that together. That's startlingly close. Try a Moran is a multi-hull.

Three. Hull boat that comprises a main hull. three from. And a trip toitch of hulls, if you will, yes. Two small out of hulls on the outside and then the water goes in between the middle one and the main one, you know? Sort of looks a bit like a big canoe and then two small canoes on the outside and then they've got sticks. Basically that's not what it is. But where's the jacuzzi? Where's the jacuzzi?

Oh. In the bunk bed. That sounds like poor design. Honestly, is that true? That is not going to. a workout. Well. I've never been in a caravan. At the time, this was an unproven type of yacht for a voyage of such length. The one that he just made up. No, no, it's a style of boat, but he was just making... I mean, sure, it's a style of boat. Yes, the style that he just came up with at the back. It did exist, but it was very... It was experimental, and this type of vessel

appealed to him because Tri-Morans have the potential to sail much more quickly than mono, single-held I think these details could have been left out. I've written such a long report. It's full of dull, boring things. How will we ever get through it? Oh, what I'll do is read on. Sorry to get through these factual bits of admin. The main design...

Get to the death. Well, the main downside of this type of boat is, which I'll go off script here for, is... They can go fast. They're pretty reliable, if they do fall over, they are impossible to get back up. So if you're in the middle of the ocean and it falls over, you're fucked. You're fucked.

It falls over. You guys heard about that boat that fell over, yeah? That's why I don't go off script. Capsize. Capsize. Don't challenge me, Jess. I've got a word for everything here. Fell over.

To counter this falling over problem, Crowhurst decided he planned to put an inflatable buoyancy bag on the top of the sail so it fell over it would sort of deploy and put the boat back up but then he ran out of time so we decided I'll just do it on the run I'll do it on the go I'll finish that later I'll finish that bit later nah good come on let's get behind him he's gonna make it whilst he was still getting his ship built and ready the other men already started to leave the first man John Ridgeway left from Ireland on June the first however just 16 days later he was feeling lonely, so he decided to meet up with some friends

so they could drop off some mail. And whilst he was reading some of the mail, which included a copy of the Sunday Times newspaper, he read in that newspaper that he'd just breached the rules by getting mail from a friend. So he was technically disqualified. He discovered that within the mail. Che Blythe also, how does that name?

Chee Blythe. Chee Blythe. Oh, Che Blythe. Also left in early June, and although an experience, rower, he'd had even less sailing experience than Donald Crowhurst. In fact, he'd never ever sailed a ship before. On the day he set sail, he had friends sail in front of him to show him the correct

maneuvers that he was mirroring. Ridiculous stuff. It's like, I'm figuring that. So that meant he learned it all backwards then. Yeah. He was a left-hander. This feels like it's going to go well. Robert Knox Johnson, our Englishman earlier.

He left mid-June. At the end of June, Nigel Tetley also announced he was going to be involved in his tri-maran that he lived aboard with his wife. So now there's two tri-marans. He took off. Now, so the clipper route, basically, it's all the way from England, down the side of Africa, across to Australia and New Zealand, under South America, back up South America,

past Brazil and to England. Does that make any sense? No, you did it like a square. So it's like down like this, across like this. That makes me fear. You're a flat earth up. And then you come back up. Basically, it's a square. It's not a square.

Oh, no. All in all, it's 30,000 miles. And at the time, people didn't know if a human being could be alone for that long. And if a ship could survive being out there. What did they think would happen if someone was alone? They didn't realize people could be alone. No, they thought that the... Science had to figure that out.

They thought the isolation that you could go mad. It's mad at sea. I'd love it Like mad Yeah Chucka Luckin Am I right But of course

Nine men were vying to prove them wrong Everyone's taken off Meanwhile Donald is far from ready In fact Eight weeks after the first guy left He hadn't even begun To put his boat together yet Good

Chebe Blythe was doing well He was actually winning the guy That had never sailed before But unfortunately he hit rough weather And had to pull out So he's gone He had to pull out of the route that is very good

Dave do you get it I'll explain later I don't get it but it was very good my other favorite person in this thing is the Frenchman Mortissier who was a bit of a fight the power

type Revolution Your kind He was a real revolutionary and he'd already been planning on sailing around the world So when the Sunday Times invited him To join their race

He was horrified seeing as a commercialisation of his voyage as a violation of the spiritual ideal which had inspired it in the first place. Oh, this guy sounds no good. But he was convinced to join and his plan was that he would join the race and then if he won, he would take the prize

and leave without a word of thanks. That'll show him. That is a revolution. I forgot we were filming this when I did that. Twice. Just go down the barrel. Just on the barrel. Sorry, Shane.

So I'm confused, genuinely. Would you believe it? Is it the first person to make it, or is it the shortest amount of time it takes? Two prizes. So you get a trophy of you're the first one back, and you get £5,000 if within the year you make it back and you're the fastest time. So if 10 people complete it, you get a trophy for the first guy, and the fastest sailor gets the five grand. So that's why they can leave at different times. five grand equals 110 grand

in Aussie dollars today yeah right bloody hell good stuff well I'm now really into this story there's a lot at stake here well this is our mortisee the French man described the voyage in his own notes quote anyone who tries

it just so David a French accent please I need to visualise the characters you're pretty good of French you're pretty good of French you Your report, mate. The man of a thousand noises, number 64. Was that French accent? Yeah, I can do French.

Can you read that quote there? Anyone who tries it? Wait, it's an English quote. He's bilingual, but he still has an accent. Thank you. Anyone who tries it to... Just for the money or prestige is going to break. Very good.

That was pretty good. Now do one of your machine gun sounds. No, I don't look. If a machine gun is involved in the story, sure I will mimic what it would. He then grabbed a machine gun. That's good stuff. That's just one of them. That's just one kind of machine gun.

Obviously, I can't do them all, but there's three or four others. There's three or four others. Three or four. Maybe even more than that. I don't know. Read the quote again in case anybody. you didn't hear it. If you don't speak French.

Anyone who tries it just for the money or the prestige is going to break. Why else are they doing it? Shits and geeks. Well, cut to our friend Donald Crowhurst. Crowhurst was convinced to launch from Tinmouth for the publicity

launch, a town which is 150 miles in the wrong direction. So he says added 300 miles to his trip. I love him. Getting the ship to Tinmouth was the first outing on his ship, you know, a chance to get a feel for it, prove that he knows what he's doing, and the trip should have taken three days. It took two weeks. This cost invaluable getting my shit ready time, and now he was really under the pump.

Before he set off, he was frequently interviewed, and you can watch press stuff with him, and the press followed his preparation carefully. He said to a TV crew, quote, not in French. I think one psychology has to be fairly stable, and one has to be constantly aware of the risks, is running. One does, doesn't one? Ah, one must. Oh, one must. On camera in front of the press,

you always gave up a cool, calm, collected vibe, always bright and cheerful. But underneath... Who's that remand you of, man? Cool, calm, collected, bright and cheerful, who's that? Who do you want me to say?

Jess. Jess. You, Jess. Stop it. Yeah, I wasn't sure if she was having a crack at one of us, or... I'm never sure.

Jess, is this also you? But underneath... I was going to say he... That is her big time. Well, but underneath he, slash chess, knew he was underprepared for what lay ahead of him. And when the camera turned off, his face dropped. Yeah.

What do you like when the camera turns off? I'm so sad. It's the highlight of my week. No, it's okay, I'm fine. Ish, anyway. You know what, I've got a good... The story really picks up here because when the boat was finally considered ready,

as is customary, they broke a bottle of champagne against the hull. supposed to be a way to christen the new ship for good luck, safe travel, you know. However, rather ominously, the bottle which was tied to a ribbon and then smashed into the side of the boat didn't break. Donald had to smash it by hand. Many sailors would consider this to be a terribly bad sign. Not Donald. The day before the launch, Donald reportedly sat trembling, repeating, the boat isn't ready, the boat isn't ready.

I'd say, a lot of sailors say that's a bad sign. And Dave said we knew nothing about it. That's sailing. He went to his sponsor and he went to his press person and said it's not ready, I can't go. And they said, it's October 30th. Tomorrow is Halloween.

Have you got your costume? And you have to leave tomorrow or you'll have to mortgage your house. Shit. So you had to go. As a sexy nurse. In a way, he was wearing a yellow one-piece suit when he left.

I don't know what. Not typical sailing gear, but that's what he left. His wife and kids accompanied him out to his ship and he set sail for what could be a year-long journey. However, he failed to even leave the harbour. He had to be towed back in and finally left a few hours later. Fuck. He's the best.

Just a couple of weeks into his journey, Crohurst deficiencies as a sailor and the unprepared crafts faults were already starting to show. In the rush to get crucial repair material, he'd actually left them behind in Tinmao. In the rush to get him, he left them. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. That's how rushed he was.

A lot of sailors will see that as a very good sign. I reckon he's improving. He was under no allusions to the craft that was unfit for the conditions he would be facing. Nevertheless, he continued. By this time, five of the other sailors had already been disqualified or retired due to the conditions,

leaving just four boats left in the race. We've got Englishman, Robert Knox Johnston, Frenchman, Mautissier, the badass who gives no fucks, Tettley, in his own try-em-round, the one that's on his houseboat, basically, and Crowhurst now bringing up the rear. Crowhurst has been given a camera to document his journey, and on film he put on a very brave face,

but off-camera in his diary, he told a very different story. He recalled how hatches were already leaking, screws were falling out, and the engine compartment, electrics, and electrics were already flooded. He wrote, quote, this bloody boat is falling to pieces. And this was in the calm ocean, the start bit. And in that, but he could bail out the compartments with buckets by hand. But once he got into the turbulent southern ocean where giant waves would constantly beat down on him,

he knew bailing by hand would be impossible. Impossible. That's the first thing that's ever gone wrong. Simpsons? Gitchie and Scratchyland, it's a classic. Possible I go wrong. Donald knew this and wrote, quote, Donald knew this and we are out of Bart,

abort license plates. My all-time favorite Simpson's joke. Anyway, there's no time, Matt. There's no time. My son is also named Boar. No, come along, Boren. I'm sorry, are you talking to me? No, my son is also named Bored. I'm dead, there's no time.

Donald knew that it would be impossible to hand bail, and he wrote, quote, as it stands with the boat in its current condition, my chances to survival would, survival would I think not be better than 50-50. Woo! Yeah! I like those arts! I was a lonely journey for these guys,

so they didn't have proper satellite radio or anything, so they basically, sometimes they could get through to telephones via a much shitter radio or... or through Morse code cables, so there's not much contact going on out there. Just yell. I think he was doing a lot of that. So why is so male was... a no-go but you're allowed to phone

people. Yeah. What's that about? Again, rule three, never question the rules. Good point. You did say that clearly, didn't you? That cost us when audience members, yeah? I love rules as well. We all love rules. Oh, there's some guys over there. Do you want to direct this towards you for a little bit? You get a little

FaceTime? It's Dush. It's Dusha from bombing the Dester. Sorry, Dusha. Just one What episode were you on again? Ryan Gosling.

One of my favourites. What a guy. Focus, focus. There's no time. Let's catch up later. We're on the on page 11. Come on. That's pretty good.

You're doing all right. Just one month into the... Pardon? No, Zamet. Sorry, that's Zamet. You don't know him. Not from our pod. You know him from his pod, though.

Any Sans Pants fans in? Oh, that was... That was fun. to say. All right, anyway, let's move on. Samut's had his time. Look, I'm trying to give him a bit of FaceTime, Matt. Come on. Just one month into the journey, guys. Crohurst's first road of giving up,

but he was worried he would be ruined financially, and also... He'd given them a bit of face time as well, okay. He was worried he would be ruined financially, and also... He was worried he would be a laughing stuff. Okay, so Crowhurst. If he went...

This is his thinking. now is if you went forward, he might die. If you went back, he'll be ruined. Not great options. Go to the side, obvious. Actually, what he did. Yes. Plan C, which is lie.

Lie and say he was doing really, really well. Okay, is that sideways? Yep. After his very slow start, he contacted his publicist and said things had suddenly picked up, and he'd travelled 243 nautical miles in one day, which was a new world record. Before this, he'd been averaging 60 nautical miles of it.

He's just, oh, I found the accelerator. It's not clear what his plan was at this point. He may have just intended to do this to save a bit of face. Basically, I didn't win, but I set a record. That's pretty good. And then retire early on. People back at home, including Francis Chichester,

who'd already done this journey, were very skeptical. But the publicist and the Daily Mail were big into it. So, oh, a bit of shine there. They were well into it. He's distracted himself with something shiny. Anyway, the Daily Mail were loving it, so they just started publishing

this sensationalist story, sort of making Donald into a bit of a hero. Now, Coherst, who may have just planned on retiring, suddenly he's the underdog now smashing world records and he's on track to possibly even win this thing. Everyone thinks he can win now. Which for him may have been a bit of a backfire

because now he has the chance of winning people are expecting more from him again. Also, now he couldn't return. tire and pull into port because then they would work out he wasn't where he said he was and they would know he was a liar. So he is the king of painting himself into a corner. He's amazing at it. He should just say he's done the whole thing one and a half times. Yeah. He's like, I was having fun. I just kept going. Not that far off what he does. He decides to continue with the deception. And he kept two logs, one with his actual navigation

where he was and a second log in which he could enter fake descriptions of his round-the-world voyage but he's making he's making up like it he's writing a novel now

the creation of this fake log was an incredibly intricate process involving the need to make up convincing descriptions of weather and sailing conditions in a different part of the world as well as complex reverse navigation so he's absolutely bullshitting out his ass

bullshitting out his arse yeah the Australian vernacular is oh moi welcome now another possible plan was that he might be bullshitting and he thinks that he could catch up to this point

but then he got to a point where it was so far ahead he had no hope of ever catching out with where he said he was so he started to send only cryptic messages back home in order to try and hide his real position and not give away that he was lying meanwhile the beaver only eats at midnight

seriously the publicists would get it and they couldn't even publish the story because they'd be like, what the fuck is he talking about? Beavis? Midnight? Meanwhile, his three opponents were doing real well.

Frenchmen, Mortisier, was making great speed. It was near New Zealand, nearly turning around. Oh, well, nearly on the second half. And Robert Knox Johnston was basically on the home stretch. They're doing real good. So, Crowhurst came out with a new plan, which is not that far off going to the side. He would wait off the coast of South America

long enough that when his opponents came back, past, he would slip in behind them. That's good. I'd just say he'd done the whole thing. That's so smart. That's like when we used to do like fun runs at high school. Yes. You'd catch the bus through half of it. So you just jump on the bus and do that leg and then jump on a bus and then cut through a park. Yeah.

Wow, how did you run 10Ks in three and a half minutes? Well, we've been working out. I remember doing a lapathon in my prime. school. Did you ever do those? Yeah, that's probably what I meant. I don't think they call them fun runs. Although they had like this long table of teachers that would stamp your arm as you went past and how many stamps you got, you got like, you know, people would pledge money to you. And you'd go at like the start of the line and be like, thank you.

And then like somewhere in the middle and be like, ugh. I did like record number of laps. I think Jess just admitted to committing fraud. Charity fraud. I mean, well, it is fraud that helps charity, yes. I raised more money. You dog. So now we're just hanging off the coast of South America,

just staying put for a while. To try and buy himself for some time so he could lie low, Crowhurst reported that due to generator problems, he was shutting off his radio for some time, so he can't talk to anyone. But now he had no communication with the outside world, and he was completely alone. Frenchman Mortizier was sailing extremely quickly,

and he was on track to finish the race and do so in the fastest time. he was told that a big reception was waiting for him in England and that he would be escorted back to France for an even bigger reception but being alone at sea this badass morticey had done a lot of thinking throughout his voyage he'd been developing an increasing disgust with the excesses of the modern world

the planned the planned celebration seemed to him to be yet another example of brash materialism he decided to just They want to throw me apart You can do go A good French I think the secret to French

is start with eh Yeah, end with bonbon Well I would So what did he do? He decided to just continue sailing He left just six weeks away from home saying quote

My intention is to continue the voyage Non-stop towards the Pacific Islands Where there is plenty of sun And more peace than in Europe Please do not think I am trying to break a record, record is a very stupid word at sea. I am continuing non-stop because I'm happy at sea

and perhaps because I want to save my soul. Fuck you to everyone else. He's going to win and he just decides to keep going around the world. What a guy. So sails off into the sunset. But now he's out of the race. Leaving three people left, Robert Knox Johnston, Tetley and Crowhurst.

So it's cool. Crowhurst can just come third and be happy. That's what he wants to do. Sorry, saw something shiny. Oh. Disaster struck for Crowhurst just hanging out when a float split, which is a major thing that, you know, a bit of damage to his boat.

So he needed to make some repairs that he couldn't do at sea. So he quickly darted into port at Argentina. I hope he wouldn't be seen by anyone. Because remember, he's supposed to be like in the middle of the ocean. He fixed his boat real quick and went back out to sea and no one noticed. Oh, he's incredible. So good.

And then he went, and then he sailed a little bit south to the bottom of South America so he could film the big waves down there and say, look, I got film of the big waves. I saw it. I saw it. And finally, after four months of isolation, Crowhurst's fake position off the coast of South America matched that with where he really was. So he snuck back into the race behind Tetley

and radio at home. This caused a media sensation. They haven't heard from him in four months because it looked like Robert Knox Johnston who'd left well before the others. He was going to win the race, but Tetley and Donald Crowhurst were both in the running for the fastest time.

Remember, Crowhurst wants... Oh, by this way, this is part of his plan is he wants to come second. because he figures the winner's logbook will be scrutinized because they're the winner, but if he just comes second, no one's going to give a shit. So no one will even bother fact-checking it. So he'll still be a hero, he'll get his mortgage back,

but no one will look at the logbook. That's his plan. He wants to come second. Got a bit of Bradbury feel about this. Tetley informed that he might be robbed of the fastest time price started pushing harder, despite the fact that his boat was having significant problems already. He made major repairs at sea in an attempt to stop the poor, Hull of his tri-maran falling off and he kept racing. A few days later on April 22nd, Robert Knox Johnston arrived home and he won the trophy.

First guy home. Well done. Also, the whole time I'm thinking Knox Johnson sounds like a nickname for a penis. This whole time, I've just been thinking of a giant penis. Sailing a boat. Was your question going to be what kind of penis? Yes. Well, I mean, Knox Johnson, I mean, what does that say to you?

I don't know. I'm just telling you how I feel. That's thank you for opening up, Jess. That's fast to be let in there, in your heart every now and then. Robert Knox Johnson, the penis guy. He completed his journey in 312 days and was welcome to home a hero. He's the first guy here. This leaves Tetley and Crowhurst battling out for the fastest time.

Only one of them wants to lose. No, no. 5,000 prizes. And the other one wants to win. It feels like it should be an easy battle. They should have just communicated, I reckon. Well, Cohoffes sent a message to home saying, there's no chance of me overtaking Tetle.

Sort of just trying to, like, you know, and make everyone expect he's going to come. come seconds and no one gets upset. But disaster struck. The crazy irony was that Tetley was so worried about being overtaken by a man who secretly didn't want to overtake him that he pushed his boat so hard that one morning during a storm

his boat started to sink. Hey, at least it didn't fall over. It didn't fall over. Tedley had to abandon ship and radio for help and he was rescued from a lifeboat. Don't be disappointed that he didn't die. They did

name a brain of tea after him. That's a consolation. Yeah, I'd tell that. Because he was dunked into the water. That was an alley-you. So Tetley's out. Donald is the only one left, and given the speeds he'd been reporting and telling everyone he's doing, he's almost guaranteed to come home with the fastest time.

That's what everyone thinks. The fastest bullshit time. Excited back at home, they radioed him to tell him of this good news that Tetley was out. And he's going, Crohurst started to panic. He slowed his pace to a crawl, aimlessly floating in the ocean. His main radio failed shortly after hearing this news,

and he was plunged back into solitude. So before he pretended his radio didn't work, now he actually wants to talk to people, especially his wife. He can't talk to anyone. He spends weeks trying to repair the radio, trying to contact his wife, Claire. And on June 22nd, he was again finally able to transmit and receive in Morse code. Basically, he was told the exact opposite of what he wanted to hear.

His publicist was telling him about all the syndication rights to the story that had already been solved and now he's going to be welcomed home a hero with over 100,000 people expected to meet him on the shore. He was not going to be able to avoid the spotlight and scrutiny that would expose him as the fraud he was. So they're all like, yes! And he's like, no!

Unable to see a way out of his situation, Crowhurst spent most of his days writing out his philosophy in his diary, attempting to find an escape in metaphysics. over the next eight days he wrote 25,000 words about God and the devil he wrote quote I have become a second generation cosmic being I am conceived in the womb of nature in my own mind in the womb of the universe

basically the isolation and the I mean you could say the isolation and the impossibility of the situation was getting to him could say he could say his final entry was on July 1st, 1916 He wrote, It is finished, it is finished, it is finished, it is finished. It is the mercy.

It is the end of my game. The truth has been revealed. Donald Crowhurst's Ten Mouth Electron was discovered by a cargo ship floating in the Atlantic Ocean nine days later. Donald was no longer aboard. It is assumed he jumped off and drowned. So it's kind of a mystery episode.

I know. I know, he didn't see that. That has got it hard at the end. You people are sick. there was fist pumping at first it seemed like a horrible accident but on discovery of his diary his two logs the real one and the fake one

and his video camera it showed what had really happened to bore the electron the true story of his so that was a big story everyone was like oh he obviously just fell off at first that's what they thought the newspapers published the true story of his deception was revealed a few weeks later when his press agent Rodney Holworth

who sounded like a bit of a scumbag in this story sold his logbooks to a London newspaper that caused a sensation. No, well played. Robert Knox Johnston, who'd been the only man to complete the race, therefore won the trophy and the £5,000 for the fastest time, but he donated the money to Crowhurst's family after the tragedy. What a great guy.

Now I feel bad for thinking of him as a giant penis. He wasn't a dick at all. Nothing wrong with a big penis. right? Are you looking at me? Yes. Oh, fuck off. I hated where that went.

Right, so that is basically the story. This year in 2018, for the 50th anniversary of the race, 19 tailors will again attempt the clipper route in just two months from today. On June 14, they're off. Wow, cool. Obviously, it's a lot safer now because if they get in trouble,

they just end up a GPS thing and so on comes to rescue them. So, wait, I mean, I'd try it now. Is there a more boring sport in the world? than sailing. Yes, I've been watching a lot of the Commonwealth games. Which one is it? Which one? Long jump. What?

These human beings jump eight meters. And they think they're fucking rock stars. Seriously, before every one of the jumps, they do this to the crowd, they go, like, fuck off. Do a real sport. That's my thoughts. Also, rhythmic gymnastics. can get fucked.

High jump's sick though. Shuck a luckin. I was the year 7 high jump champion at my school, 2003, no big deal. You're right, it was not. Over the decades, Donald Crowe, her story has been inspired many movies and documentaries in 2006 a documentary called Deepwater was released, which I've seen is very fantastic. You want to... It's very fantastic.

And that's been Margaret. David at the movies. Four fantastics out of five, fantastic. I'm just trying to make it my own. It was very fantastic. In 2017, two different feature films were released about him. That's too many in a year. One was called Crowhurst, starring Justin Selinger,

which was overshadowed heavily by the other one because it was called The Mercy and it starred Colin Firth. So, there you go. He actually looks a lot like Colin Firth, Donald Crowhurst. Really? Haven't seen anyone seen that? The Mercy? No.

No, so if's checked with everyone. No. Now to finish off, would you like some fun facts? Do you want to guess what my fun facts are about? Boats. They're about crows. To be honest, I thought this was going to be like, fun, fun, fun, then he died and everyone was going to get bummed out.

And I'd bring it back with some fun facts. But you guys were all so pumped when he died. But anyway, this is some fun facts. We'll get through these. Number one, crows are very smart, so smart that some zoologists admiringly call them feathered apes. In fact, I mean, they're not feathered apes. In fact, proportionally to the size of their bodies, some crows have larger brains than humans. Was that fun?

Feathered apes is fun. Feathered apes is a bit fun. Now that's a cool band name. Hey, Webby, do you have any, like, explosions been done, mate? You got anything more fun than that for fun facts? Let's see. Let's see. I'll get another one.

Next one. I've got two more. They are so smart. Oh. Well, this is really building it up now. They are so smart they can understand traffic lights. In Japan, crows take walnuts and drop them onto the road waiting for cars to run them over to crack them open.

The reason they rarely get run over is they've worked at what green and red traffic light means and they only swoop when it's safe to do so. And final fact. Hang on. This one's for my good friend, Maddie Stu. The Adelaide Crows have won twice as many premierships as Matt's team. despite

despite having played in the league 93 years longer than the crows that is not fun very good true thank you brutal fact brutal facts but that is the end of the report

thank you so much ladies and gentlemen for coming out packing this out so good to see on here everybody thank you so much that's great I was worried that was going to be depressing but great What a crazy song.

I had a lot of fun. Oh, thank you. I'm glad, you had fun. Did you guys have a good time? Great. I mean, I answered before you. Just because I was like, I don't want to pressure them into this,

and I did, sorry. Sorry about that. Thank you so much for coming out. Can we have a big round of applause for the European Beer Cafe for having us here? Jeremy Webb on sound. Bianca Putland

on the shirts and on the camera. Shane Dunlop, thank you so much. Thanks to Carl Chandler for organizing this venue for us. Do you guys have anything else you want to say? We always forget, but we are selling t-shirts and wristies, you're welcome. Please. And just come say hi.

We'll also be upstairs too. So if there's a, you know, anyway, too much admin. We'll be there. Thanks guys. Goodbye. Well, there it is. Three episodes down at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. One more to come up this weekend. We've only got a few more tickets left at the time of recording.

I think it's about six or something. So maybe there are some left. If you are hearing it on the day, it comes out. This Saturday at 4.30 at the European Beer Cafe, we'd love to have a great crowd there. Before us is Plumbing the Death Star, and I believe Jess and I are both going to be guests on that this week. So it's going to be a real bumper of a podcast afternoon at the European Beer Cafe. And it was so cool to meet so many of you afterwards. A lot of people stuck around and got some photos and bought some T-shirts and stuff.

We met people from the U.S. There were people from all over the shop there. That was really, really cool. I signed a young guy Dave or David's cast. We all did. He had a broken arm, so that was an experience. We've never collectively signed a cast before. But yeah, it was really, really cool to meet so many of you.

And of course, it's the time of the program to thank the people that support the show at patreon.com slash do go on. Do go on pod. And of course, the people that support the show gets rewards in exchange. And this month, we've started doing two bonus episodes a month for those people. So if you want to hear more of our show, every single month, just go to patreon.com slash do go on pod. And we'd also like to thank some Patreon supporters right here, right now.

Now, as I said at the end of that episode, in a couple of months, the Golden Globe Race 2018 is taking place, the 50th anniversary of that crazy, crazy race. The race is limited to 30 competitors, a number of whom have already pulled out. So there's only 19 people left. I'm going to thank four Patreon supporters now. I need to give them a sailor that will represent them. and the highest placing sailor will win the Do Go On Golden Globe trophy. It is a fictional trophy.

We will not mail your trophy, but you get to claim that as a Patreon supporter. And I'll also give you a fact about where you live. These are the four people who are thanking this week. I would like to thank, first of all, from Christchurch in New Zealand, Josh Monson. Thank you so much, Josh, for your support. I hope you like golf, because did you know there are more than 40 golf courses within a 90-minute drive of your city? There you go.

That sounds like a lot. I haven't compared that to any other cities, but it seems like a lot. Your racer is named Ari Wig. He's a 58-year-old man from Norway, a professional seaman engineer and yacht. Jess would be laughing if she was here and I said seaman. I'll do that for her.

And a yacht surveyor with five decades of sailing experience. I reckon he is in with a chance of taking out the Golden Globe. So Ari Wig. Next person to thank, I would like to thank for their support, Travis Alexander. Travis Alexander, a frequent poster on the planet broadcasting great mates. Good to have you supporting the show too, Trav. He's from Gulfport in Mississippi.

Mississippi, a place I've never been, but would love to go on our American tour one day, is home to both the world's largest shrimp. That is a physical shrimp, I believe, it is actually kept in a museum there. I don't know if you've been there, Travis. And the world's largest cactus plantation. What a state. Now, your racer is Susie Goodall. She's 28 years old from the UK.

It's been sailing since the age of three, so she's probably pretty good. boat is the D.HL Starlight. She's the only female sailor still in the event. So, good luck to Travis and Susie. Next up, I'd like to thank from London, Hannah Dathorn. Hello, Hannah. Thank you so much for supporting the pod. According to BuzzFeed, before the statue of Nelson was placed on the top of the 17 foot tall column in Trafalgar Square, the year was 1842. The 14 stone masons that made it had dinner on top. Amazing. There you go. Your eraser is Kevin Fairbrose. brother, a 50-year-old fireman from Perth in Western Australia. He's climbed Mount Everest three times, so he's a pretty capable dude.

So good luck to Kevin and Hannah. And finally, this week, I would like to thank from Brisbane, right here in Australia, in Queensland. Cajal Chalton, thanks so much, Cajal. Definitely winner of the best name this week. Cajal Chalton. Here is a fact from 10 historical facts every Brisbane resident should know, taken from the Brisbane Times.

Kajal, did you know that Brisbane City Botanic Gardens is home to the world's first cultivated macadamia nut tree, which still stands today? I didn't know that. I didn't need to know that. But now all of us know that. Your representative in the 2018 Golden Globe race is Igor Zaretsky from Russia. Also the winner of the best name out there on the waves. In 2010, he won the Jester Challenge, single-handed transatlantic race, a feat that won him Russia's Yodertes. of the year title.

So good on you, Igor. And Kajal, I wish you luck. I'm not sure who's going to take out. Maybe all four of them will crash out like our good friend Nigel Tetley did on the ocean in the report there. But you never know. One of them might win. And then you do go on Golden Globe Patreon trophy. You can check out their profiles and everyone racing if you want to read out more about your people or anyone is interested in the race at golden globerace.com.

Goldenglowbrace.com. I'll be watching. It's going to be, you know, fun to see how they go. I know, obviously, going to be a lot easier. I talked about them having GPS and stuff these days. But, you know, it's still a dangerous and treacherous way thing to do. All right, that's the end of this week's episode. Thanks again for everyone that came to the live show.

Hopefully we'll see some more people this Saturday. And until next week, I will say thank you. And goodbye. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more. podcast from our great mates. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there.

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