Do Go On - 131 - The Münster Rebellion

Episode Date: April 25, 2018

What event led to the hanging of three cages on the St Lamberti Church in Munster, Germany?It was the Münster Rebellion! This story involves murder, religion, a baker and so much more murder… it was a super fun live episode, enjoy!You can also support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes at www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPod- Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: http://bit.ly/DoGoOnHat Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://books.google.com.au/books?id=MSaugCTlQDUC&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_ge_summary_r&cad=0#v=onepage&q&f=falsehttp://germangirlinamerica.com/cages-in-munster-germany/http://mentalfloss.com/article/502284/why-3-man-sized-cages-hang-medieval-german-church-steeplehttps://themennonite.org/feature/the-birth-of-anabaptism/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

Now on with the live show from Melbourne. Woo! We didn't plan that, but that was pretty good, Jess. That's awesome. Live show here at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. How you doing? We made it. My name is Dave Ornicki.

And let's face it, good things come in three. So let's give it up for two more people. It's Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart. Yeah. falling a little bit because Matt had walked the other way and I was like, oh no, he's not coming, all right. I totally thought you were just showing off because you definitely got a much bigger applause than Matt and I, okay?

That's to be expected. Yes, yes, it totally is. Hello, everyone. Thank you for noticing the haircut. Hey, what? She actually messages the other day saying, I'm getting a haircut. I warn them now, and they still,

Yeah, I was with Jess for three hours before she said anything and I was like, really? But now you're in stage sliding. It looks at least half a centimetre shorter. It's amazing, it is. Well done. It's fantastic. All right.

All right, we're sitting down. There's a table there now. Did she tell you as well? No. All right. Katie just cares. You're making us look bad, Katie. Yeah.

Most of you didn't notice, right? Did you notice my haircut? All right, good, because I didn't fucking have one. All right. Good. You got them. Yeah, totally. Well, no, I thought I was going to trick. Does your hair change? Can it change?

That's a hat. I always assumed that was a hat. Look, you say, can it change? But you've commented on my past haircuts that it makes you feel sick to look at it. Yeah, those old weird hair hats you used to wear. No good. This is hair hat number two. It's much.

Some people have said it looks at least half a centimetre better. At least. Yeah, that's how we scale things on Dugan. Anyway, great to be here. Matt, are you good? You're doing a report today. And did anyone notice as you were coming in? I mean, the show has started five minutes late, and still Matt was writing the report, sitting right there.

Sitting right there. I was improving the report. Subtle difference. Improving it by writing it. Yes. In my head, and this might be controversial, but I reckon a report's better when it's written. Okay, I'm happy to go with that.

Okay, thank you. Next you're going to say questions are better when they're planned. Lame. Matt, have you got a question to get us on topic? Yeah. I write it first. Like a pro, mate. I'm a pro, girl.

Yeah. That might be the fastest regret face we've ever seen. I'm a pro girl. Hates himself. Hey, you know, we do usually ask as well. There's always a question you ask at the start. How are you? He does always ask that.

He's so sweet. No, you want me to ask this. I'm going to give you the opportunity to ask these lovely people. Give us a round of applause if you've heard Do Go On before. I've got a follow-up question. Okay. Give us a round of applause if you are a parent of one of the Do Go On panelists tonight. That was your mum.

Your mum. Apparently they're all here. All the parents are here. All six are here, Connor. Can you believe that? We came from other people. Of the six, how many do you reckon have heard the show before? Four, it's very kind of you.

You've aimed way too high. Way too high. It's two. And they're my parents. So, some would argue, superior parents. Anyway, no, that wasn't the follow-up question. Give us round of the pause. If you've never heard this show before.

A few people, okay. And I'm proud of it. I'm proud. Fuck yeah, good for you. Have you been dragged along by someone else? And thank you for coming. We hope this is kind of fun for you. Is it fun?

You having fun? We'll check in every five minutes. Did my dad bring you here? Well, she looks confused, okay, maybe. Anyway, so welcome, if you've never heard the show before. Basically, what it is, is one of us this week, Matt, is going to report on a topic. suggested by a listener.

Jess and I are going to interject and slow him down for the next 45 minutes or so. And Matt, you've told me that is quite... You went blank. You've sewn out. You've told me it's quite a long topic. An interesting one? Yes, it is long and interesting.

Good stuff, good stuff. Is it another fucked one? Yes. More fucked than before. Yeah. Okay, this is our fourth live show, obviously, in a row. The first three ended in death. Can we go four from four?

Yes. And also middles with death, sort of starts with a bit of death. Death sprinkled throughout. But then it finishes with some death. Matt's report on World War II. A lot of death. I feel like Matt's in the dark. That's, yeah, in so many ways, yes.

We could all shift a little bit. I'm doing you a favour, Shane, who's filming it. You're welcome. There we go, it's better. Shane is stoked now. Big favour for Shane. You lucky duck, all right. All right, let's do it.

Here's the question. And the question gets us onto topic. Well. Yeah. If you're explaining, just explain to my parents because they don't know what podcasts are. I'm not entirely sure. This is going to be inside the internet tonight.

night, mum. All right, I also don't understand podcast. So the question to get us on topic here today, what event, I'll be surprised if you know this, although Dave, it is German related, so maybe... German name, that's the only relation. It's got German heritage as all.

A few people leaning into their friends going, he's a Nazi. Not a Nazi. Is that what happened there yet? Which is, I was only bring that up to say that is not the case. It's not, yeah. Used to be a Nazi. I was never a Nazi.

Never a Nazi. He's a reformed Nazi guys. He's one of the good ones. Yeah, one of the few good Nazis. A few good Nazis. The Dave Warnackie's story. No, untrue, untrue. Okay, German related.

Before the show started, your mom came up to you and goes, you're not going to swear today, are you doing? And then she goes, I hope you fucking will. My mom is cool. Shuck-a-luckin. That happened last week? Anyway. Anyway, on with this fucking report, eh?

Mrs. Warnocky? Your fucking legend, all right? Too far. Two-fired. Calling her a legend. No, a fucking legend. That's aggressive. Anyway, go on with the question.

Question is, what event led to the hanging of three cages on the... St Lombardi Church in Munster, Germany. Is that how you pronounce Munster? It's got an umla over the... What the... what? Munstaff. See, senor!

He's such a linguist! I did not know you knew that. That's freckin some Deutsch. Don't worry about that. That was the fastest reaction time Matt Stewart has ever had. Yeah, uh... Oh, uh...

Oh. How did you say, Munster? Monster. Munster. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We are the fashion capitol. Oh, yeah. Does Capita. Do you guys know what event led to the hanging of three cages

on the Lombardi church in Munster, Germany? Three cages. What of what chickens? What are we talking about? Empty. Death cages? You figure some out quicker than the old death cages. Well, that's our band name.

Do you know it's got Munster in the name? Is it the Munster? Yes. Story. Munster, if I could just have a quick look over here. Rebellion? Yes. Well done.

Well done. Yeah, I'm not the dumb one. This topic was suggested. That is pretty. It's pretty true, to be honest. Depends on what you're talking about. You're not dumb. You're not dumb on the streets like Dave.

Yeah. But I'm dumb in the sheets. I didn't leave myself anywhere to move there, did I? I'm also dumb in the sheets. So it's a trifecta. There's a third thing I'm dumb at. It will not reveal. I'm a, I'm Mensa in the sheets.

All right. He's packing a one. 150 plus IQ on the sheets, all right. Anyway, Matt was saying, who suggested this topic that we've all heard on? Noah Davis. At Sheep's Sake on Twitter. All right, great. You in today, Noah?

Good. Good to hear. Good to hear from you, mate. Well, done. Will you be listening at home? Noah, thanks so much for the suggestion. I do appreciate that. Okay, so the Munster Rebellion, that's going to fuck me all day.

Lucky you're a menser in the sheets. Sorry, mums. And dads. All right. Feminist. Sorry, Dad, I'm a feminist. I'm not sorry for that, man. I will not apologise.

Nah, good on us. All right. Fuck, we haven't started yet. All right. I'm having a great time, though. So I lean pretty heavily on a couple of resources that I just name-checked them at the top. There's a book called The Taylor King,

the rise and fall of the Anabaptist, Kingdom of Munster Anthony Arthur Well you read a book No he To be honest I read the blog You read the blurb There was a blog by a woman

named Karen Ann called German girl in America And she summarised it So But I cast it You know Give props to the first guy as well And also this article

On Mental Floss called Why Three Man Size Cages Hang from a medieval German church steeple man size. Oh, a little hint there. Wow, these are big chickens. How many chickens?

So obviously they'll be in the show notes, those references. Anyway, on with the report. I've written that there. Okay. Before we get into the rebellion, it's worth mentioning the Reformation. You got to remember with that? Probably deserves its own report.

I really didn't know anything about it. I know it's a big thing in European Christianity, but I read about it briefly. Just very briefly, it was a big hullabaloo. Okay. Did you write that? How'd you spell hullabaloo? Yeah, that's about it, yeah.

In the Christian world, kicking off in 1517 by a monk named Martin Luther. Pretty famous name. The Reformation probably does need its own episode. And here it is now. But basically what he did, he had a bunch of questions about the church and how it was being run,

and he nailed those to the front door of a church or some shit. and um... Sounds about right. An example of one of his beefs was that he didn't think saints should be worshipped but he never saw bloody Nicky Winmar play. That's my joke of the report. Got it in early today. I've just heard the saints are a joke mate.

Someone bleeding from the head, so... Yeah, I'm not sure you told us earlier that you are cos-playing, but when you walked in, you are bleeding profusely. from the head. Is your cosplayer a nerd idiot? Yeah. Yeah, I'll do it. I love football. Nah, good on you. You look great.

You love football. Yeah. Love the football. So, Luke... You don't really... Oh, well, they're worse than fine, but they are... They just see the results today. They're bloody... Matt, we have an hour. Okay. Came out of nowhere for a draw.

Which is better than a loss. Yes. So Luther's list of beefs, commonly called the 95 Theses, kicked off a bunch of splintering within the church and a heap of different schools of Christianity started up with different takes on the Bible's teaching. A couple of the groups were the Lutherans, obviously named after him and the Calvinists, which I guess were named after Calvin. But them, I guess. Anyone disagree? All right. But the main splinter, they might have been all about white goods, I don't know.

All right, but the... Do you get that wild ride over there? They reacted like you'd said something really deeply political. But like Kelvin... And I don't apologise for that. Sorry, Dad. But the main splinter group we're talking about today was a more radical group called the Anabaptists.

Anabaptist. Anabaptist. Named after... Anna. And the Paptists. Great band, great band. And actually, it translates to something like re-baptised. Josie and the Pussy Cats.

Or Baptised again or Josie and the Pussy Cats, yeah. Conrad Grebel founded the Anabaptists around 1523, based around the idea that baptism doesn't really count unless the baptised person is beyond the age of reason. Which is that classic Johnny Farnham song. If I had time, I was going to get Webby to cue that up, but fuck. Webby, if you can get age of reason, I'll say that phrase again later.

He just went... Consider it done. Fuck, he's the best in the biz. Now, the question is, what is the age of reason? Well, back then it was like four and a half, I think. But no, I think back then I was genuinely like 14 or something. Today, it'd be maybe like 14 and a half. But I think 14 and nine months.

Yeah. Anyone worked at supermarkets? But I think that makes sense to me. Getting baptised on your baby is kind of a weird. I was, you know, it's like, and I had very little say in that, mum and dad. Anyway, but apparently this was a really controversial idea at the time. Many Christians did not like it as it meant that babies or children who died would never be able to make it a heaven. Oh, that's a risk, isn't it?

Yeah. Surely you just go, all right, babies and kids get into heaven easy. But what age do you cut off for the heaven entry? Yeah, good point. You know? That's tough. There's red tape. Around this...

All that Christian red tape. All that Christian red tape. I should tell mum and dad, it's a real hot start. All the laughs come earlier, then we get into some facts, right? We sort of what I call the plateau. And then we bring it home strong. So don't figure... I haven't lost them.

I'm just building... This is all part of a build. I've got a tiger mom and a tiger dad. Anyone know of that? All right. I am no what does that mean you know the little girls who go into

beauty pageants they have a mom who's like going be hot a young woman or whatever paraphrasing they're beyond the age of reason it's okay be hotter young woman that's what I'm not saying it's a good thing I know

has your mum ever said the phrase to you be hot a young woman I don't want to talk about it Okay. So who was this grebele? Is that his name? Basically don't mention him again. All right. Struck from the record.

When I say basically, I do not mention him again. So around this time, the Bible was starting to be democratised. It had now been translated into languages that common people spoke, rather than just Latin and Egyptian or whatever. Probably not Egyptian, to be honest. Probably just Latin, I think. Anyway, Hebrew, sure. No commoners speak that, no doubt about that.

I have some doubt, I have no idea. Anyway, so it had been translated in a bunch of different languages and the invention and spread of the printing press, the Guthenberg or something like, Guthen, or any. You probably mispronance that, mate, what was that? Munster, correct, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Big invention, yeah. But it meant that information was now being able to be spread around the commoners, the peasants, right? And the Bible as well. Finally, they could actually read it rather than just have a priest going. Yeah, no, the Bible says, give me all your money. It does. It does say that. I swear to God.

God told me. All right. So now they're reading and going, hang on, it doesn't say that. Yeah, whoa, whoa, where's my money, priest? Jesus was all about everyone's equal and stuff. This is wild, right? So they're starting to interpret it a bit differently to how they've been taught. One part of the Bible, Anabaptist, interpreted differently,

was to see themselves as citizens of God's kingdom, right? Meaning that all of earth was God's kingdom. People, I'll read what I'm written instead of trying to paraphrase. Meaning that the church and the government had no real power over them in their eyes. They were also not able to work for the government, right? Couldn't get jobs like that. This was also seen as radical as the church and state. A lot of snowboarders were Anabaptist.

True story. What's that face? It's like regret face, but it's constipated regretting. Yeah, I'm feeling a lot of things right now. So, yeah, the church and state didn't really like that. Because at the same time, the Holy Roman Empire, which included the Empire of Germany, was the ruling class. So they didn't like the idea that their power was being stripped in the eyes of the Anabaptist.

Another belief of the Anabaptists was that they got from their interpretation of the Bible, was that all men were equal before God, like I was saying, right? This was seen as being super radical out there at the time. Oh, sorry. Super radical, double. Double shucks. Shucks. And if you thought that was radical, what they meant by men was humans.

Men and women, all equal. What? In the 1500s, wild. Scary. Scary. And it was really scary for the world. the ruling class, poor men and women were meant to be equal to rich men. Heresy, they said. You're evil for saying that, basically. They didn't like it. Burn them, sort of stuff, I guess.

While these ideas were not loved by officials of church and state, the idea that all people were equal gain popularity as it spread through the peasant world. Obviously, it was a pretty nice thing for them to hear that they were equal to everyone else. They didn't deserve to be in poverty. That would be a nice thing to hear. It would be a nice thing to hear. In 1524, the ideas had gained so much momentum that they sparked a peasant rebellion. Thousands died and there was a lot of destruction. It lasted about a year before the peasants were beaten back down.

Beaten back down. Not very successful. But I mean, they lasted a year and they didn't have... They formed their own army with pots and pans and stuff, I guess. Everyone, grab a pot. I don't know, that... Yeah, I think that's... I assume that's what... All right.

I'm bailing on a lot of things. thoughts here today. In 1529, the Holy Roman Emperor, Charles the 5th, called for all Anabaptists over the age of reason to be killed. Damn, he's good. He is so good. Despite this, the Anabaptists continue to grow as a movement. Where does Munster come in to all of this, you might ask? Well, give me a fucking chance. He wrote it down. I'm about to get to that. You wrote that down.

You're giving away a little too much now. You literally went... Yeah, a little thing between you and me, you right? Fuck we're cute. Munster had some degree of autonomy from the church, so it was overseen by a Prince Bishop. What a fun title that is. Prince Bishop, who answered to the Emperor Charles V.

Can you get my water when you go down to put yours down? Oh yeah. Everyone have a drinks break. Thank you, peasant. You welcome Prince Bishop The Catholics of the city were being squeezed out by the Protestants who were slowly taking over the city First the Lutherans led by former Catholic priest

named Bernard Rothman And the Lutherans were fairly moderate Protestants Compared to the Anabaptists Rothman was sort of leading a bit of a mini-revolution Which attracted more and more Protestants to the city At first it was the Lutherans But eventually the Anabaptist got wins that some cool shit was going on

a bit of a revolution they wanted in they want it in right oh the Anabaptists they go wherever radical things are happening basically and I think they also also kind of went oh things are happening over there yeah well I've just heard from God that Munster is the new heaven on earth

sort of thing yeah they were they were very flexible like that well done a man named Franz von Waldek which is a great name I think I like any France yeah any Franz and Evon. Any Wolbeck.

You know what I mean? Yes. I love a von. Not Evon. Fuck off, Evon. Any Evon's in? Funny not to respond to that. Any E. Franz Vons in?

Maybe I have a friend up the back. Very good. I got no idea what they have. Did you have a German name? Yit. Your name is Niet. All right. Go on your Nuit.

So von Waldek was appointed Prince Bishop in 1532 and he becomes a pretty key player in the rebellion, or the opposite side of the rebellion. The power dynamic has shifted a long way since the Protestants moved to town and the Protestants wanted this reflected on the city council. Is this amusing? It's a lot of death going on here.

No, I just moved to town for some reason sounded funny. I don't know why. The Protestants are back in town. I'm sure you thought of it. And earlier when he said heaven on earth, I just thought, ooh, baby, do you get? You know, I saw... Webby, you really got her, okay?

I saw Belinda Carlisle play at the zoo. Oh, wow. So good. Heaven on earth, baby. Don't call me baby. Oh, Webby again, very slow. Why isn't Madison Avenue ready to play? I just don't get this guy.

So the Anabaptists and the Protestants raided the Prince Bishop's home and only backed down when they were allowed onto the city council. From there, they forced an election to load up the council even further with their own people. So they were taken over this town.

Pantara-style, Webby? Despite the... How many people do you reckon have been to see Pantera and Belinda Carlyle? I'm fucking unique. Anyway, despite the Anabaptist believing all men are equal, one man, Jean, Jan, how would you say Jan in German? Yarn. Good. Yarn Matthias rose to become their leader by 1533. He was... How would you say Jan? That felt like a really good interaction. It was. It was efficient, we got a result. Yep.

Yarn, that's changed my life, man. January. Oh yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Jan was a fan of violence. Loved it. Seemingly, right? And he led the group to banish the Prince Bishop at Sword Point. Ooh. Never heard that phrase before.

Sword point. Isn't that he's got a sword at his chest and he's just walking him to the edge of town? Yeah. One metre out and swords away. I'm trusting you not to come back in. I read elsewhere that he was like, he saw the writing on the wall and he goes,

right I'm I'll go. So they'd written it on the wall as well. It was clear. It was a clear instruction. With a sword. Just chiseled it out, yeah. Zoro stuff. Get out. Fuck off. Either way, he was out of the town

and a little P-O'd to say the least. Yep. P.O. I was afraid I was going to say poed. Gotta put a dot in there. Anyway, Mass Anabaptist baptism, was now inflicted

onto the people of Munster. Anabaptist baptism. Yeah. Okay. They were forced. People at the town were forced to be baptized anabaptist style, right? Whether they were on board or not.

That's what forced, I guess, means, yes. The Catholics that remained were now leaving in droves and as some of the more moderate Protestants, like the Lutherans, were starting to piss off as well. The abandoned homes were taken over by the Anabaptists and the takeover was now pretty much complete.

The Anabaptists had the town. The Prince Bishop was out. But it was a walled off city. It still is Munster, right? So great for protecting you, but also if you got an army outside, which the Prince Bishop did, he was able to surround them and lock them in, right? Cut them off, make moats, make it very hard for them to get anything in and out, right? So he was in a pretty strong, they were in a strong spot sort of,

in every way apart from having their supplies cut off yes so like when the Coles delivery truck would rock up the Prince Bishop would be like and they would and they wouldn't get their veggies yes

oh it's so sneaky so he was zooming out there the Prince Bishop setting up the blockade and he did have a few cracks at bombarding the whole set up there but they held pretty strong the Anabaptist.

They were sort of reinforcing the walls and holding pretty strong. And Matthias was starting to set up a bit of a proto-communist society. I don't know if that's true, but it sounds fucking sick, right? Isn't it sound great? Proto.

I got pro-to, because proto-iggy pops like proto-punk. So I thought that maybe I could take Proto from there and put it on a communist. Someone will email in. Felt good. Felt real good, to be honest. Look, I reckon we could wrap

it up there. That's... Where else can we go? I mean, they're surrounded, they're all starving to death, end seen. But yeah, so it was sort of, it was long before communism had come up. What's that big dog Marx? It was hundreds of years away from

coming in to existence. Big dog, Carmarx. That dog had a great beard. Great beard. Which is true. Carmarx did have a great beard. Do you guys know his beard? And he was a dog.

The beard's the impressive part of that fact, but anyway. As everyone was seen as equal, everyone's belongings were pulled, food, clothing, etc. We're all put in a big storage area and shared equally amongst everyone. If they don't share them, they take everyone's clothes, put them in. Now no one has clothes. We're all equal. No food?

No one has food. Equal. What do you think about yarn? Are you thinking, like, in my head I'm like, is this guy, as I'm reading along and is this guy's just some opportunistic guy who's seen, because he was a baker from another town right now he's leading I thought maybe he's just seen this opportunity

to use anabaptism to get power right as all baker's bloody one and I was wondering that but then I read this and I realised that he really did believe in it right on Easter Sunday in 1534 Jan Matthias told of a vision he had in it God spoke directly to him telling him that he should fight von Woldeck's army single-handedly

which he did believing he was the next Gideon. Single-handedly against an army. Yes. No, he had a very small group. It's not single-handedly. It meant different things back then. I think he had six of them.

Against an army of hundreds and thousands. Hundreds or thousands. Fairy bread. He was... One hand. Try and single-handedly take him on it. It's hard, man. They get everywhere.

On paper, it was a suicide mission, but in reality, it was also. a suicide movie. He was killed very quickly. Six people versus hundreds or thousands. Yes. He was beheaded and had his head and genitals nailed to the city gate. Driggins his head was coming off he was thinking, fucking hell God, this is not what we agreed on. Sold me a pop god. That's a saying isn't it? Anyone? Oh boy. I swear that's a saying. Sold me a pup.

Sold me a pup. Sold me a pup? It's your parents. That's a made-up, Stuart phrase. It is literally your parents. Hi guys. What does sold me a pup mean? Sold him a dog.

Yep, that clarifies it. A dud, yes. How are a pup's bad. You're mispronouncing dud. So anyway, yeah, the gender. on the nail to the wall nice subtle message I mean that message come at me bro how many nails big big old big old screw wow wow this I don't know what you wanted you what did you want for me there I don't know you let that was a real

dodgy yeah I sold you a pup sorry about that I wish there was a term I could use to describe what you just did to me there. This left a little power vacuum. Obviously their leader yarn was now dead, so I left a little power vacuum inside the city walls. Also, there's no baker. Yes. There's a baker and power vacuum.

Which was tough for the fairy bread industry. Anyway, so many hundreds of thousands. Just on butter, it's weird. Tubbs are butter. But they may do. They may do. Spoon it out. All right.

So up stepped another unlikely sounding leader. This time a man named Jan van Layden. It's got a van. Not a van. Or is that van? What? Well, if Jan is... Okay.

Jan Van? Jan Van. Jan Van Laudan. This guy, obviously a baker, a bit of an unconventional leader. This next guy I obviously made for it. He was a tailor from Holland. Who was the titular Taylor. from Anthony Arthur's book that I mentioned earlier.

This guy's the big, he's the big guy. This is the main man. The big player. Okay, and we've been going for... Quite a while. This came about as a goldsmith named August Johann Duchenchosten. Thank you.

It's just easier if you're telling me, I nailed that scrotum to the door of the city. so to speak. Old family sang. Like old dad used to always say. So August Johann Dutchen-Schnoshnu Propheised that Van Leiden should rule as king.

He was a prophet. This goldsmith is a prophet. Yeah. Real rag-tag band, I love it. Van Leiden heard that and he was on board. He's like, yeah, all right, I am the next big guy to come in. All right.

He said, he goes, oh, that's funny. I was also told by God that I was meant to rule until Jesus's return. I am he. It's interesting, this is something I found interesting, that although men and women were supposedly seen as equal in the society, the leader always ended up being a man. Sorry to get all feminist cuck boy on you. But that is my role.

That's my role in this. Sorry, Dad. Dad believes inequality, Tom. I'm sort of selling him a pup. No, I'm not. That's all right. It's not quite right, is it? I'm misused your saying, Dad. Sorry about that.

Dad used to sell pups. It was a tough gig we went from town to town. They were all dubs. Runs to the litter. Anyway, Jan Van Leiden, which is a fun name to say, got to work quickly disbanding the council and installing a group of 12 elders

to rule with him as the main man, right? Bit like the whole story of Jesus and his 12 disciples. Though I don't think Jesus was quite as bloodthirsty. Before the siege, Munster was a prosperous city, but the siege was taken its toll. Supplies were running low. But despite this, Yarn the Man.

And it didn't work as well now that I know it's not Jan the Man. When I wrote that, it was fucking sweet. No, we're going to call him Yarn the Man. Yarn the Man. Yarn the Man. So Yarn and his close associates were living like kings, having daily feasts, while the rest got by on meager. ration. This is the equal

society? Yes. Good, good. They've worked out how to do communism properly there. Proto communism. I read in some places that there were rumours of people having ate rats and even some reports of cannibalism. So things are pretty tough outside

the feasts. You would not get eaten. I get that. What, because I'm not a rat. Why, doesn't that why you would get eaten? Because I am a rat. Yeah. There's just no meat on him.

But I mean compared to a rat, if it was him or a rat, who do you choose? Please choose the rat. I don't know what the right answer is. So Yarn's now, he's living in luxury right. He was even starting to call himself the king of the world. And not in like a romantic comedy. Sorry, is Titanic a comedy to you? What did I, what did I do there?

Are you calling Titanic a romantic comedy? Do they say that in Titanic? Yeah. What is that? If not a romantic comedy. Are you thinking you've got male? You've got mail also. Billy Zane is a ride in that.

Remember when he pushed the kids out of the way to get on the boat? Man, I was crying with laughter. Zane, you have done it again. Diabolical. You tell him how that's not a comedy? Buddy chuckle fest. I loved it, that bit, near the end, where the iceberg, oh my God.

I don't remember much of that movie, to be honest. You've probably got the crux of it right there in the end there, I think. Oh, actually, there was, the night I saw... I saw Titanic get the cinemas, right? I'm a very old man, and... I also saw it at the cinema, and it was heroin. All right, does anyone else... Does anyone remember this movie?

At one point... Does anyone remember this movie? remember tit it's an obscure art house film you guys heard of it so during the movie all right if you haven't seen it one block your ears if you don't want to know how it goes but the

the ship hits like this sort of it's like an icy rock or something like that right and it goes down right and before it goes down it goes vertical and it was there you remember that bit and a guy

falls and he hits his big metal thing goes, bing! The cinema laughed so hard. The whole cinema. Does anyone remember that bit? Fucking so good. Is that a meme or something now? Have you got my help or go on? May, so can you make that a meme? Thanks mate. A little bit loud, a little bit. So good. Funniest song I've ever heard. So funny.

Thank you. this next paragraph probably my favourite one from the mental floss article I'll read it verbatim because it's but it all good it's as funny as any scene from Titanic as life inside of Munster

became increasingly grim Jan Van Leiden promised his subjects that God would deliver them from the Prince Bishop's besieging army this is a quote from him God will smite them in their hearts so that they will run away he predicted but by Easter he clarified

that he meant his promise of deliverance in a metaphorical and spiritual sense, not literally. Oh no, I thought I actually meant he was going to run away. No, no, no, no. He'll still be there killing us. But mentally, he'll be there killing us. That is awful. Funnier in the reading by myself.

You guys used to be bloodthirsty, but... What happened? What was that? What happened? What happened? What happened? Yeah, I was doing a bop impersonation. What happened?

Is that me? Yeah, I'm bop, what happened? It's pretty good. I'm adorpe. I'm adorable. As men and women were seen equal, a lot of Snowflake MRA types left Munster since the rebellion began,

leaving a ratio of nearly three women to every man. Snowflake. Woo! Wait, it's not good for us. It's good to the dudes, you know? Despite this, Yarn Van made it mandatory for everyone of age of reason. Snoosing there, Webby, snoozing.

He's playing a game. Oh, okay. Sorry, sorry. It looked like you were playing a crossword. Sorry, sorry, Jess. I think I misspoke there. Despite this, Jan made it mandatory for everyone of the age of reason.

Oh, you fuck. He sold me a bloody pup there. Luckily my dad sang's got us out of a few bones. So he said that everyone of the age of reason... You know John Farnan played at my work Christmas party? Oh, Johnny, that is rough. It was fucking sick. That would mean sick for you, but fucking shit for him.

Oh, yeah. And the entire band was there. That's sadder than the ending of Titanic, too. Which is the thing we were just talking about. Despite... This guy gets it. All right. I really want to know what's happening to these people

beyond the age of reason. What's happening? Oh yeah. Bloody hell. I've had a few run-ups for this. Oh, yeah. So, mandatory, for everyone of the age of reason to be married.

What, so if you're 4.5 plus. As far as I know, yes. And as there wasn't even numbers, he made it cool for polygamy to happen as well. even and so so he ended up

marrying 15 or 16 wives himself that's too many including Jan Matthiasa's widow ah he was bloody one wife bloody nagging I'm about the 15 of them oh my God

yappy yappy yappy yappy yappy yappy you know what they're like through this whole time he was ruthless with any dissenters having them all killed so he was there was a lot of death through this whole period. Anyone who's going, I don't know if you're nailing this, mate, dead, right? According to Mental Floss, the polygamy announcement drew major backlash. On the

night of July 30, 1534, 47 conspirators led by a blacksmith named Einrich Mullinike, attempted to overthrow the city government. They managed to take yarn, a prisoner, and haul him up in the city hall, but the majority of Munster didn't rally to the conspirators' cause. Loyalists surrounded the mutiners, forcing them to surrender and free yarn. the 47 are all killed. When one of Yarn's wives disagreed, how much death that I'm just skipping over 47 people. When one of his wives disagreed with how he was going about things,

he publicly beheaded her and danced around her corpse. Also in my head, he's dancing like Beyonce. Like it's really good dancing. He's got two backup dances. Yeah. And everyone's like, whoo! That's good. I reckon, I think at this point,

you could argue that he started to lose some of the classic Christian values. At this point, we could argue. Okay, yep. He's finally jumped the shark there. Franz von Waldek was still waiting with his army outside the town walls. Oh man, he must be so pissed off by now.

He's having a few cracks, but they're holding him back, right? He's also... Oh, well, just read. I keep forgetting that I've got a whole script here. They had... They tried a few times, but... But the defence has held up. He wasn't super keen on straight up storming the gates

as the peasant rebellion from a few years prior left his army in a weakened state, and he wasn't keen to lose more men. He even had to ask for help from other rules from nearby who were willing to kick in a few dollars or soldiers to the cause. They feared a successful rebellion at Munster would lead to further rebellions in other cities. So they're like, we'll chip in for sure, buddy.

The Anabaptists tried different tactics along the way to defeat Prince Bishop, according to mental floss. At one point, an Anabaptist woman named Hilir Fakin. It's a beautiful language. It really, it really is. He did like a little breath, like a fagin. So she hatched a plan to assassinate von Waldek and break the siege.

She was inspired by the biblical character of Judith, who during the siege of Bethulia seduced the attacking general, I didn't need to say it like that. I got on a real run of weird German pronunciations. Pollo Furnes and beheaded him in his sleep. Early on the morning of June 16, Fikin snuck out of Munster to seduce von Waldek.

But unlike Judith, she was quickly discovered, captured and executed. I imagine if he just knocked her back. He was like, no, thanks. She's like, this is my plan. Yeah. No, no, no, you want me. You want me.

No, no. Is that how you do it, Dave? nah nah you want me I thought you meant is that is that I thought you're asking is that how I reject the hordes of people that throw themselves on me I'm like no no that's how you throw yourself

Remember Bob he's an idiot in the sheets It's true yeah I don't get when people are hitting on me I'm like no no no what are you doing? According to Karen Ann That's never happened Yes it has It hasn't happened

Not so brutal now, was it? No, it was brutal All those times it didn't happen It was really brutal Just remembered we're filming Yeah, I'll make a gif if that, that'll be good According to Karen Ann, the Anabaptist was still confident of victory

Despite the hardships Here's maybe my favourite paragraph from her article Obviously, my favourite from Mental Force, bloody nailed it, so I reckon I saw it too. She wrote this. They even built an early version of a tank, a heavily reinforced wagon that might have actually broken through the Bishop's lines

if they hadn't already eaten the horses needed to pull it. All right, guys, we're ready to go, grab the horses. One thing. Remember that dinner we had last week? That was fucking great, yeah. Yeah, where were we going to have more of that? Ooh.

What less names? coming from the pen this week. What's up with that? In Germany, they nine. Nine. What did you eat today? Like, you are so hyped. You think that...

Okay. Yeah. Saints didn't lose. That's true. You guys wouldn't know what it feels like to not lose one time. King of the world, baby! I was calling Connor baby,

not you, baby. I've made a huge mistake. Probably unsurprising you all, maybe not. How do you guys think the Anabaptists are going to go on this? Who do you think is going to win? Well, I mean, that's why we obviously all definitely knew what Anabaptists were. So they're going to do very well. They've got God on their side, Matt.

Yeah, Matt. Good point. Good point. The Anabaptist confident was misplaced. Said that wrong. The Anabaptist's confidence was misplaced. In May of 1535, Onric. Gresbek, an Anabaptist carpenter, tried to flee Munster, but was caught by von Waldek's army.

Rather than executing him, von Waldek cut a deal, allowing him to keep his life in exchange for helping the army take back the city. On the night of the 25th of June, Gresbeck led 300 soldiers through a gate in the city wall that he knew was poorly guarded. He knew this was a little weak point in their defense. Von Waldek's army slashed their way through the streets of Munster, killing more than 600 Anabaptists, before the rebels surrendered. This might be one of our highest death counts. I really think it is. Bernard Rotham, who I mentioned earlier,

he was one of the guys who kicked this all off preaching the different interpretations of the Bible. He's thought to have died in the fight, though his body was never found. So he's still alive. But the other leaders were captured. They weren't killed. the three main men, and the punished dished out to them was pretty full on.

So here come the cages! So if you're a bit squeamish, maybe fast forward the next few minutes, obviously those in the crowd tonight are just going to have to go with it. I haven't gone into one of the things I read was full on detail. I've gone with sort of a midway mark here. Yarn Van Leiden and his main off-siders, Bernard Kippa Dolling, and Bernard Cretching. Two Bernards, that can't be right, maybe it is.

What are you? There can't be two. Two yarns, two burnards. What the fuck is this? Weird city. Would that be right, sir? Is that everyone over there? Burnards and...

Go on that. Thank you. Any Bernards in tonight? I've never met a Bernard. Haven't you? Oh, you've never lived. I didn't say that. I didn't throw my voice over there.

Disappointing, Jess, to be honest. No, but true. Well done. So, they were tortured for many hours, publicly stripped of skin with hot tongs. I did not think that's what they were going to be stripped of. I thought it was going to be, like, their titles or something. Oh, yeah, they started with the title.

I skipped the titles. Skin, yeah, that's fuck. Don't think about that too much. I've, so far, but you know how you can think something like that, but not make your brain picture it? I went straight to him. So far so good. Connor's acting it out in the front row.

So maybe think about that before you go to bed tonight. Stop. Stop it, Connor, no. Bits and pieces of their bodies were removed before they were eventually put out of their misery with hot rods plunged through their hearts. Like a car? Oh, at that point, that's good.

That's not great. Someone said some fun in the audience. Like a car. A hot rod. Oh, that's good. They'd someone just drove into them. Into their heart. Precision driving too. Well done.

Hard without horses. Early hot rods. Anyway. Yeah, I mean if you've eaten all the horses, you invent a hot rod. That's how it works. Their bodies were placed in three lard cages. Lard? I don't think I said a single word of that.

sentence right. Their bodies were placed in three large cages measuring seven feet tall and a yard wide and deep. A yard wide and deep? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, a yard, a yard wide and deep, yes. Which were hoisted up the St. Lombardi Church. St. Lombardi can't be right either. How's that many of you said? Doesn't matter. St. Lombardi Church. See, I was pretending that it was Lombardi but I was struggling with.

pronunciation why it's I not flipped it around. The old thing-ma-jig trick. All right. As I always call it. So it's basically as a message, don't fuck with us. Look at them up there, right? How long do you reckon they left the cages up there? A year.

I mean, that's a long... Or, somewhere in between, yeah. Well, they did take... They are up there now, but they took them down after 50 years and removed the bones. So they left the bodies in there to rot. and eventually cleaned out the bones. So they're like hanging up though.

Yes. So as the bodies are rotting. Yes. You don't want to, yeah, you don't want to walk under there. Oh. Oh, I freak out when a bit of water from an air-conditioning gets seen on the place. Imagine that. Don't worry, Davison, air conditioner.

Oh. Oh, no. The cages went back up, though, and remained on the church for 400 years before World War II and a bombing brought the cages crashing down. People, like, saw the cage. I'm like, bloody hell, they were sheaning. They were such beautiful workmanship, a lot of people noted.

A really well put together cages. Interesting fact there. Almost a fun fact. Oh, he's not even sitting there. He's the last episode. He's really dropped the ball today, Webby. There was a discussion about whether or not they should be put back up on the rebuilt church. And it was decided, like they said that they should be in there,

up there still to this day. That's a little reminder. The original cages? Original cages, yeah. Wow. Karen Ann finishes her article, I'm coming up at the end here, Karen Ann finishes her article

with an interesting story of what caused the rebellion saying, so obviously, to me, it just sounded like, you know, just classic people losing their minds on religion, you know? Classic. But there's a new theory,

and this is a direct quote from Karen Ann. There is a new theory that the rebellion may have come as a result of ergot poisoning. Do you know what ergot is? No. Ergot is, it's a fungal growth that spreads on wheat and rye

when it's stored in dampest, places. The result can be mild like convulsions or sores but as extreme as hallucinations sort of like a natural LSD. So there's a theory going around that the whole town is just tripping so they're hearing they're hearing God talk to them and it's just them

tripping on mouldy oats which is fun. They know how to party. So that's the end of the report. I do have one fun fact if you want it but I don't know if we have time or not. Well you've got the time. We're ready. Is Webber. be ready for a fun fact. I think we probably

can do it quickly and then we should wrap up. Drum roll, here we go. All right, so obviously a pretty brutal story like this. There's no fun facts directly involved. So I've got a fun fact about the city of Munster. Munster. Munster, sorry. Three of the four most successful teams

in the All-Ireland Senior Hurling Championships are from Munster. This is a different city Munster in Ireland. We did it. That's fun. Matt Stewart, ladies and gentlemen, what a great report. Well done. All righty, we do have to wrap this up.

I can't believe it. Four live shows down, guys. Thanks so much. Packing it out every week, you guys later. Everyone who came along, we really appreciate that. Hello. Thank you. Thank you.

We'd like to really thank the European Beer Cafe, our Sandman Webby. Fantastic job. Bianca Prudlin helped us out at the front there, and also to Shane Dunlapu filmed these. Let's give them all the big round of report. Thank you guys. Carl Chan, that's for helping us.

Yeah, Carl. And thank you to Carl. Great man. I go to great man. Usually this is the point where we tell you to come back next week. You can, but we won't be here. So that's up to you.

But, well, okay, that's it. Thank you so much. And until next time when we do a live show, we'll say thank you and goodbye. Later. Thank you. Well, that's it. That's the show.

That was fun. And that was the final live show of the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Yes, we haven't got any other live ones booked in yet, but we've got, We've got plenty of plans cooking away behind the surface. There's lots of venues. Behind the surface.

No one's getting back to our emails, guys. No, it's not true. That's not true. That's not true. They are beating down our door. They're like, please come to our city. And we're like, hmm. We're playing it, we're playing hard to get. You're like, Berlin back off, bitch.

Yeah. Ugh. Paris, never heard of you. Yeah. We probably more honestly, just haven't looked beyond Melbourne. Yeah, no, we've all been quite distracting. It's been coming up for so many months and now it's gone, you think, oh, I probably should have thorn ahead. Yes, but now we are definitely going to, we've got plans to go everywhere.

Certainly Australia is most likely this year and then hopefully the UK is still, and we're getting so close to our Patreon goal of the US tour. I think we're almost at 65%. That's crazy. It's great. It seemed like such an impossible target. Now it seems. It feels like next year is a real possibility, which has fucking got me rock up.

I knew that's where you were going. It was because I was regretting it before I even said it. Fuck. Could you just say real excited. I know. Got me rock happy. Rock happy. Got my soul hard.

And can we just take this opportunity to say thanks to all the people that did come to the Melbourne shows? Absolute legends. By far out our biggest shows and people came and we've packed it out every single week, which is amazing to us. And people come from interstate, which blows our mind. And overseas. Yeah, all right, let me finish the sentence. I was getting to that. And out of space.

People come from out of space. Yes, I'll see there. Interdimensional. Some people came from interstate, Jess. No, it was amazing meeting all these people and, you know, people coming up and telling us how long they've been listening for. And to the crazy, crazy people that are like, I started listening to you two weeks ago. And now I've listened to all 130 episodes.

And you think, how have you done that? You're insane. It's just, oh, wow. But thank you so much. It's really, it's very humble. and surreal for us to meet you all. And, you know, you're really lovely people. So thank you.

Yeah. It was really, really good. Now, enough being genuine. It makes me uncomfortable. Great. We should, as we always do, the end of the episode, thanks some Patreon supporters. That's right.

We love all of the people that support us through patreon.com slash do go on pod. And if you do that, really helps a show out. It makes us able to spend more time dedicated to these reports and the editing. and we get to do stuff like film episodes and upload them, you know, just sort of gives us one or two days a week that we can devote to the show, which is really, really cool.

And in exchange, you get access to exclusive stuff like voting for topics. You get to pretty much dictate a lot of the ideas of the show, what we're going to talk about. And you also get shoutouts. Two bonus episodes a month now is one of the rewards. Yeah. Yeah. So heaps.

Suddenly it's twice. You get heaps. Twice is worth your while to get on there. And we also like to thank you. by name some of the people. Matt, you got some names in front of you? I do. What should we do this week? Monster related. Maybe how we'd banish these people from the monster walls.

You've been banished. Yes, banished. I really like S-H words at the Mo. Yeah. At the Moe. At the Mur. At the Mur. Sure for a moment, Dave.

Dave's looking very confused. I was just Googling it. What does Moe stand for? I didn't sell you a pup there, Dave. Don't I'm going to fuck off with your pubs. So how they've been banished. How they've been banished. Someone was banished in the episode.

At sword point. Okay, great. At what point are they banished? Okay, I'm on board now. All right. All right. First of all, I'd love to think. From Fort Collins in Coe, which I think is Colorado.

Oh, wow. In the United States of America, Sage Hoffman. Thank you so much, Sage. Sage Hoffman. What do you think you what sort of... Jessica, this don't think, just go. Sage. At sage point.

That makes sense. I don't know how you got there, but that does make sense. It makes some sort of perverse logic there, don't you think? Some people are afraid of their own name. They are. They must be. It's a plant. I know.

So they're just holding a bushel of sage. What deadly night shade is a thing? Oh, shade. That's sage. I think of shade. Sorry. Fucked it. Fucked it.

Sorry. Sage. Okay, so it's sage point. Sage has been marched to the edge of the castle and banished for it. I'd rather leave these walls than see my namesake spice in my face. Is it a spice? I think it's more like an herb. It's funny. I get confused between herbs and spices.

Fuck you, Colonel. I'd also, oh, what is the odds of this? just just had a look over my shoulder. I'd love to think... I just looked over it too. I'd love to think from Waradale, South Australia. This is entirely coincidental. I'd love to thank Chris Lavender.

Let me have a go. Let me have a go. Let me have a go. Knife point. Sage. Everyone, we don't have anything else in this city. All the swords have been deployed in battle. We don't have anything else to threaten our citizens.

with. We've only got a whole bucket of sage. A bucket of it. The bucket of sage, sir. You get out of it, Chris Lavender. You get out. Oh, that is very powerful. That is fantastic. Oh, I'm looking ahead at my names. Have I got anything good? Oh, you're all disappointing. None of you are plant-based.

Thank you, Chris. I mean, you're not going to. Who's going to be? I hate the smell of lavender. So that would probably work on me. Do you actually? Very pleasant. I hate it. So beautiful.

Famously pleasant. At my high school there was like a walkway. They called lavender walk because there was lavender bushes. And I would always avoid it. I don't like the smell of lavender. What? It's too much. You and I just are on the same page on a lot of things, but this I just can't get my head around.

Are you disowning me? I think so. I think so. I think so. You dislike lavender. Wow. I know, it's nice for you guys with mates. I know.

That's really. ruin the podcast, 131 episodes. Thank you and good night. Or do you want to thank some people before you say good night. Before I leave, this is the final time I'll be reading names. I would like to thank from Guy Mia. I believe this is how you said. Guy Mia Bay in New South Wales.

You guys heard of that? Yeah, obviously. We've all heard of Jimia. Jimmyer Bay. Let's go with that. New South Wales. I'd like to thank Sharnie Black. Shani Black.

Shani Black. Banished by, don't think, just speak. Pen point. Pen point. Ball point. Wait, hang on. Ballpoint pen or balls? The point of the balls.

The point of the balls. Someone with particularly pointy balls is just waving them. Why are they pointing? Yeah, I'd leave too. I would, yeah. I'd be like, why are they pointy? Wow, get that checked out. I'm kind of imagining them triangular then.

And they're black too. Black balls. Sharnie black balls Well people died of a lot of horrible shit Back in the middle ages So that may have happened Black balls Black pointy balls

Oh no he's got the dreaded black balls Shiny black pointed balls Oh that's for you shiny black Thank you so much for your support And report Which one day will force you at ballpoint to rights And we run out of ideas And over to London now

I would like to thank Henry Bottolo Botelot. Bottolo. Bottle, which, I don't know, in the UK where they call a bottle shop, bottos? They call them Offies, I think. Offies, like an off license. Yeah, that's true.

That's right. They call them bottolo's as well. We call them bottolo's over here. I'm not sure if you, you're probably more of a Botello. What do they call them in America, do you reckon? Liquor. Liquor. Licker store.

They probably don't even have a dumb shortening of it. That's more of an English and an Australian thing, isn't it? Yeah. But from that, Henry Bottello banished by whiskey point. Whiskey point. One of those, you know those shot pourers? They use it bars.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, not another shot. I couldn't possibly have another shot. Get it in you, Henry. Get it in. Get it in you or you get out. It's the opposite of most bars. If you stop drinking, you have to leave.

But I'm so drunk exactly. you have to keep drinking or you're out. Keep drinking. Henry. Thanks for your support all the way over in London. We hopefully will visit an offie with you real soon. Thank you, Henry. If I may have a go.

Please. If you don't mind. Bring us home strong. I would like to thank from Kings Langley in New South Wales. I would like to thank Jen Vanderbrook. Jen Vanderbrook. A great name. You know we like a van.

We like a van, don't we? Oh, van point. Van point. Oh, yeah, that was easy. I was just talking about how we like that name. But yeah, I think a van forces Jen out of town. It sounds like we kidnapped Jan. Like a flying V of vans, camp of vans, right?

So there's one at the front and then just trailed by two, which is trialled by another two, to be honest. And a V formation. Then those two, right, fanning out slightly more, another two fans. When does it stop? How many we got? How many were in the Mighty Ducks? I reckon it's, I think it was only three, to be honest. Let's say five.

Five and. Because that's also Roman numeral for V is five. So that makes sense to me. It makes sense. Get out of town, Jen. And I would like to thank finally, from Janesville, Wisconsin. Robert Crandall. Boris Titcher's name's crebaple.

I've been calling her Crandall. Why don't anyone tell me? I've been making an idiot of myself. I got a late Simpsons reference in there That's good to get them in Do I reckon we got one? I did one at the live show So there you go

No, I think you did. You definitely did it at a couple at least Okay, Robert, forced out of town by Powerpoint. Powerpoint presentation on The five reasons Robert should leave. Yeah, and they're so...

The other six will really surprise you because this is only a five things to live. They're so cutting that he's like, great point. Wow. You're right. I should leave. I never saw myself in this light.

Yeah. We're like, yeah, that's right. Robert, you didn't. That's right, Robert Crandall. That's a great name. That makes it sound like it's an intervention, you know? These are the reasons you need to leave. And he's like, fuck, I didn't see it.

And he's like, I didn't have enough time to prepare a PowerPoint presentation on the reasons I should stay. So I've got to go. So fair enough. See you, Crandall. But thanks to the support over in Wisconsin, how awesome. Thank you, Robert. That's very cool. I think we're slowly collecting all 50 U.S. states and the Patreon.

Oh, that'd be sick. Have you checked that? We should get a map of this. That's why I've covered myself by saying slowly collecting them all. We should get a map of the United States of America and put a pin in each place. Like a voodoo sort of thing. In fact, let's get one of the world. Of the world because that's, you know, I want our UK ones to feel included and Australians and New Zealand.

Singapore. A friend in Lebanon. Lebanon. All over the world. Egypt. Yep. There's people in Egypt. Guy.

Guimpy. Yep. Or whatever. that town was. Who cares? I care. We're talking about... You were reacting before I'd finish that sentence.

You read my bloody mall. New Zealand, we've definitely... Gamea Bay. Sharnie Black. Who cares about Shoney Black? I do. Right. Dave does.

Jess does too. It's playing hard to get... Never play hard to get with Shani. She will fuck you up. Yeah, there's pointy balls. And thanks for everyone that supports the show at Patreon. You guys are very, very good people. All of you.

All of you. It's the way to absolve you of any sins. Oh, that's right. If you feel guilty about anything. I'll forgive you for anything. Just chuck a buck in the hat. Chuck a buck. Chuck a buck.

Get rid of all your fuck. That's right. Chuck a buck. Don't give a fuck. Chuck 10 bucks. No, no fucks. Catching. Yeah, we're doing well here.

We've got to get going because we've got to record. Another cheeky episode. Cheaky. It's going to be a fun one. Jess, we don't know what you're reporting on, so I can't wait for that. But that'll be out next week. But thanks again. Go see Matt in Sydney on May 12.

And until next week, we will say, well, I will say goodbye. Later. Bye. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. It's not optional. You have to do it. We used to go easy on it, but now you have to.

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