Do Go On - 150 - Wild Conspiracy Theories

Episode Date: September 5, 2018

To celebrate out 150th episode we decided to write three "mini" reports, each on a wild conspiracy theory. Recorded live at the Giant Dwarf Theatre in Sydney, this episode was so much fun. Keep reading for a list of conspiracies we talk about, or listen now and go in not knowing...Conspiracies covered on this episode include: Denver Aiport, Saddam Hussein's Stargate, Flat Earthers, Australia does not exist, Michael & La Toya Jackson and The poisoning of Russian spy Alexander Litvinenko.Melbourne LIVE show on October 13th : https://www.moshtix.com.au/v2/event/do-go-on-live/105917?&skin=4406&ref=hwlrUK shows : https://dogoonpod.com/events/Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPodSubmit a topic idea directly to the hat: http://bit.ly/DoGoOnHat Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

Hello and welcome to an intro to another episode of Do Go On. Dave here with Jess and Matt, her team. Hey Dave. Oh, hey Dave. And we're very excited to announce that this episode that you're about to listen to was recorded live at the Sydney Opera House where we performed. They had to open the roof because there were so many people there. They were old maddened.

Yeah, they were years. They had to open the roof because there were so many people there. I mean, I mean, they used the roof as an emergency exit. There were over 600,000 people in there, and I don't know if anyone got out. They were stacking them on top of each other. No, we got out and then we closed the roof again, said everyone for themselves. Yeah, thank goodness. So you're going to hear a lot of mayhem.

A lot of screaming, but I think there's a bit of comedy in there somewhere. Maybe, I don't know. Maybe someone in there was funny. Nah, but it is a live This is a live episode We recorded very recently at the Giant Dwarf Theatre Which is a fantastic venue It was our biggest show yet

And people came and sold it out And it blew our minds And we were very happy And it is colloquially known As the Opera House of Redfern Yes Yes So I heard that a lot

Yeah People asked me for directions And I meant Do you mean to the Opera House of Redfern And they'd go Duh Obviously I do Yeah

I'm not an idiot Yeah I'm not an idiot Is there only that we need to explain any sort of visual things, Dave? There was some very vocal audience members, but I do hope the microphone friends have picked them up for you and, you know, I'll edit it to make sure it makes sense to you at home.

And yeah. But the audience are having a great time, and if you want to experience that good time in the flesh, we are coming to the UK. All the shows are now sold out except for one Birmingham show. But we're also doing a Bon Voyage show in Melbourne at Howler coming up in October. October 13th. Saturday afternoon, so if you want to come along and you want to be a vocal audience member,

please come along. Don't be vocal. I just booked in the... Vocal in your laughter. Just talking to the management halo about the timings. And there's a solid hour after the show that we're going to be able to hang out to chat to people and whatever. So that should be real fun.

It'll be bloody fun. We love to chat. Oh, we live to chat. Yeah. I think you meant to say. And we chat to live. It's our job. Ha ha!

That's right. But it was a lot of fun. And we'd like to thank everyone that came. along. So without any further delay, here is our episode recorded live, the Giant Wharf Theatre. The Opera House of Redfern. Please enjoy.

Yes. Thank you, Matt. I looked at you. You needed to sign off on this. Signing off. There it is. Hello, good evening, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of Doogone. My name is Dave Warnocky. How you doing? Oh, man, that is so, so cool. I really hope you've kept some energy to welcome

to the stage my two beautiful co-host Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins, ladies and gentlemen. That was real good. That felt so good. I'm like, I'll leave this to Jess. She's got it and was not wrong. And last to sit down. Thank you.

Normally we're on shitty bar stools. Now I feel like we're doing a Q&A. Yeah, the reason I made this film was because I just felt underrepresented in media. Jess, let me do the feminism around here, please.

I'll field this one. What Jess was trying to say. I'll be the feminist here, if I can say that. If I can say that. Does anyone have any cues? We have a lot of days. All right. A lot of those.

Thank you so much for coming out to this beautiful venue of giant dwarf. Give it up a giant dwarf, ladies and gentlemen. Look at this point. Look at this. We just made eye contact I thought I needed to acknowledge it Sorry Sorry

Hey Dave Remember when we met those guys just before Yeah And we scared the shit out of them He just got scared again Because he was on his phone He was like oh he's talking to me So we're walking up the street

Minding our own business Come to a traffic light We're waiting to cross And these three Lovely young gentleman to stand you there One of the guys turns around and goes I get a lot to be honest Mostly because I stand

far too close to people and I touch their bums yeah that may have been why he was reacting like that sorry what the fuck is wrong with me oh we've gone early it's all right everything's going to be fine it kind of feels like we're padding

don't we have we have we haven't planned anything usually we do a report but hey Dave do that be where you ask people if they've been here before we do that do that Yeah, Dave. All right, I'll follow... Do that bit.

All right. I'll follow the script. Legitaineau, give us a big round of applause. If you've ever heard our show, Doe Go One before. Thank you. Thank you. Now, I got from that that a lot of you have, and I also got that you and you have heard it the most.

The reaction was amazing. Thank you so much. Give me a big round of applause. Seriously big. If you've never heard Doog One in your lives. Amazing. Nothing to celebrate, mate. Nothing to celebrate.

Honestly, it was a smaller percentage, but you were keener as a whole. To let us know. Dave, look at the positive. He's got the whole back catalogue in his future. That's right. Because, ladies and gentlemen, I'm pleased to tell you that this is episode 150.

This feels like Oprah. Like, they're too willing to clap. You get a car. You get a car. Everybody gets a car. You fucking idiots. It's that easy. And Oprah never gave anyone cars either.

It was just a tactic to get on. She just said it a lot, yeah. She just said it a lot. She got a lot of people's hopes up. And they're like, oh my God. I've been working eight jobs. And then they left, like, waiting for their keys. And they just got ushered out of the building.

Sorry. Well, really ruining the Oprah magic there. Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, if you haven't heard the show before, Matt, Would you like to tell them what the show is all about? Okay. I did tell you I was going to have that prepared. Yes. And as you were asking me, I remembered I did not.

We have had... All right, I'll remember, though. I've done it one 49 times, as opposed to you two bloody blow-ins. Yeah, that's right. We haven't been on every episode. Yeah, you know what I'm... Yeah, I've got one on my fucking level. Get on my level, dogs.

All right. Don't hide the regret face. Don't save that for me. Come back here. A little bit of regret. I forget Sydney crowds are sensitive. They don't like to be called dogs. Melbourne, they froth over it.

Frothy dogs, you frothy dogs. Anyway, this show, the way it works is there's three of us, and you guys probably figure that bit out. And then what happens is from there, I mean, that's just the beginning. From there, we take it in turns between the three of us to do a report on a top. Between the three of us?

We take it in turns between the three... What, I mean, you know what I mean, surely. And then... I've got a question about that. No, I don't, come on. Hilarity in Shurus. Oh, I lost control that word. But tonight it's a bit different, right, Dave.

You want to explain what is happening tonight? Now, usually, one of the three of us does the report. But tonight... I love that you had a theory. I knew it I knew that we're going to do something different I knew it Oh what's the theory

What's your theory Like the 27 club Where we all do a mini report That's what we're doing tonight Rock around Great theory You're gonna have to tone this down I can't handle this level of enthusiasm

Thank you Too far I'm very sensitive Mate I've got your money You've got my Money? When did money come to this? We do it for the art.

No. God no. Great theory. And what I love about that theory is that that actually relates to this topic. What does that mean? The three of us tonight are all doing a mini report on one of our favorite conspiracy theory. Yeah. To be honest, the conspiracy theory going through my mind right now.

It feels a bit like you're all paid actors. That's my conspiracy theory. I think we're now going to do two reports. Our two favourite conspiracy theories. I didn't know it was meant to be our favourite. I never heard of this until this week. Is that what it was meant to be? All right.

We're doing a report on a conspiracy theory we all looked up today. Okay, that's the truth of it. Just we're lazy. So, Jess is he, this topic was actually suggested by a couple of our patrons. on supporters. The first one was Justin Robinson said, we said, we want to do a mini topic. What's a good broad theme? He said, crazy

conspiracy theories, and then he commented a few minutes later saying, all conspiracies that may not be so crazy after all. Which I enjoyed. And I also enjoyed, Alistair McGregor said, conspiracy theories I've been hoping for for ages. How about a silly theory each? Or

if time is an issue, Jess and Matt do the shorter silly theories, and Dave does a bigger one how do not how do not take that person yeah I don't appreciate that and I'm very happy to tell you that that is exactly what has happened

once again I've written an entire report whoops no don't love that no you're here for the silly ones I love that yeah we're silly oh no now I've fucked it

and I haven't hang on pad for a sec right I mean you could have done this one pretended to walk out earlier. I didn't realize I'd fucked up until now, so pad for a sec. Great.

Technology's not on my side. I'm just trying to help Matt and I'm just trying to get the report on my iPad so it's easier for him. I'll start it because I get on my phone and then. Great. All right. And then I'll just sit here quietly for a bit. Looking panicked. You can enjoy that visual

while listening to that dulcet tone. Great. Yeah, one tone. One tone. One tone. and it is the same. That is not true. All right.

So one thing we also do, if you haven't heard the show before, is we usually do a question to get onto Top. Oh, yeah, great, sure. I believe Matt has one, hopefully. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's not my best. I was going to say these are the two, so I was picking between three.

Do you any of the ones I didn't pick? Either way, I'll let you know. Either way, it wasn't. I mean, I was being polite, but I was going to tell him either way. Yeah, go on. One of them sounds like a lot of fun. Saddam Hussein has a Stargate, which means you can travel anywhere in the universe. And yet he chose to travel into that hole in the desert.

Yoo-hoo. No, he took, yeah. And that's what the Iraq wars were all about, apparently. Anyway, that could have. Imagine how good my topic is if I didn't pick that. Is that number three? That's the third. That was third.

The second best one I was going to pick is Hitler is still alive under Antarctica. Under. Under. Uh-huh, yep. Is that somehow Starkhead related or what's going on there? I've got to assume. How else you get under? You know?

Yeah, I'm not wrong. I decided not to do the Hitler one because my self-control isn't that good. Since Dave's started that rule. Appreciate it. I appreciate this. I mean... You mentioned the H word, Hitler, and my eyes hit the deck.

I avoided all of your eyes. Anyway, the... Thanks so much, man. The topic that I ended up choosing was suggested by Holly in Yorkshire. And this is what... Yeah. Any Holly from Yorkshire fans in tonight? Calabal, there's always a few.

Always a few. And this is what she said. This is... This was her bit of sense. Sizzle, he said, it's a creepy mystery with a giant horse. A giant Mongolian horse? You wish.

And this is the question. I probably don't know why I gave away part of the answer before. The question, but you know, we're fucking trying to stop out tonight. All right. Is the answer giant horse? All right. Well, I won't bother asking the question. No, the question is,

and if these guys don't know, maybe someone in the audience may. The question is, which international airport is wrapped up in multiple wild conspiracy theories? Horse airport. I thought I was onto a winner there. Oh, damn.

I was very confident. Denver is correct. That person in the darkness. Well done. Denver? All right. I mean, I was going to say none of us saw that coming

because you did. I did it. I didn't. Denver? No, I'm just excited for them to see the things that they miss when they just listen to the podcast. And it's you just going... And it's good stuff, yeah. You're welcome.

That was a lot of De Niro face, doesn't he? But yeah, you can see... I mean, just off the headings, you can see why... I picked the sexiest one. Saddam Hussein, Stargate, Hitler under Antarctica, Denver, Airport. Yeah, I went for the Hollywood answer. but fuck it was fun

hopefully Jesus alright oh my god no pressure here are some real exciting facts the Denver International Airport was built in the 90s

so to be so specific and it was officially opened in 1995 a very a very good year sure some question whether or not it even needed to be built though As Denver already had an airport.

Ooh. Does anyone get tingles? The new one had less runways and no technological advancements. What are they doing? That sounds like a sweet upgrade. It sounds like a cover for something. Yeah. Some sort of conspiracy?

Don't get ahead of me. Oh, sorry. Who told you? The main difference was the area. The airport itself is 35,000 acres. Well, it's on 35,000 acres. Nearly twice as large is the next biggest US airport. So it's huge.

Some would say, suspiciously so. Can you make this bigger? No, you're just old. Well, both the true. I actually don't know how. Well, that makes you skills. All right. All right.

I mean, your glasses are sitting right there. Yeah. They're for seeing over there. Well, we could hold your report up the back. You could have a go. Thank you. Is that too much to ask? Oh my God, we should get auto cues. And headset mics.

And then we just take turns doing TED talks. You know? Fuck, yeah. All right. Can I borrow the company credit card, please? No reason. Don't look into it. Why did they need to... Sorry to cut you off there, but it was...

Why do they need to build the airport on such a large chunk of land? Question mark. Hmm, posing big questions early. I was going to make a bit of a theory. Okay. But I think I've nailed it and I don't want to ruin it. You probably have to do this. So I have or haven't?

It's a big horse. I mean, how big is the horse? 35,000 acres. That's a big horse. That's a huge horse. So they're not using most of the space, right? Well, not above the horse. the ground anyway.

Oh, tingles. Tingles. Horse people's a good guess. If that is what you're doing, unless I just heard a bit of a conversation you were having about tomorrow. Anyway, what are you up to tomorrow?

Horse people, you? Right, okay. But what if I told you? What if I told you, below the ground is a massive underground military bunker? Oh. Oh. That's one of the theories.

All right. There's different thoughts to what the bunker could be used for. There's no hard evidence of it. But there are many, many... There are many curious things worth considering. Firstly, the build went billions of dollars over budget, and it took around 16 months longer than scheduled to complete.

How long does it take to build a bunker? Yeah. 16 months. Exactly. Yeah. And it costs billions of dollars. had a bunch of. Seemed to know an awful lot about bunkers over there, day.

Yeah, no, that was the joke. Hang on. Hang on. No, I didn't consider that. Hitler did have a bunker. Which is not relevant to what we're talking about now. Or anyone on this stage, as far as we know. Love you. I'm in a lot of trouble later. And so is whoever that voice was. A construction worker

Who? A construction worker who worked on the airport has claimed that the reason the airport ran so over-shedule and budget is because of multiple buildings that were built underneath the airport as well as a complex network of tunnels. Multiple buildings underneath, that's weird, right? What sort of buildings we're talking? Got a bank?

Yeah. You got a gym? Yep. You got a door. It's a little, a bit of fun, deconstructing. All right. You can serve that bit up yourselves. To Melbourne, I guess.

They definitely didn't only have that you got a door even too mad. I meant deconstructing stuff. It was like a... Fuck, I mean, it doesn't matter, because obviously it was very good and no one got it. But... No one got it. It was so good.

It wasn't they all collectively went, fucking shut up, Matt, you piece of shit. You're a loser. And no one wants you here. Hurry up, finish your report. So we can get to... Dave's. It's not like anyone was saying that. It's not

some say that these tunnels were just built for the train system. But that sounds like a huge cover-up to me. I mean, is there an underground train system? Yeah, sure. Maybe, I don't know. Fuck, I don't know. But potentially. And then the internet is so big and the information

is so large. And I am but one man. So there's different thoughts on what it could be used for. Some think it's going to be used as a base for the ruling elite. Some think it will be used as a shelter for VIPs when the world turns to shit. In Denver. Denver. Not in Denver, under Denver. Okay.

And others think it might be used as some sort of concentration camp when the lizard people take over. So, you look like you know a lot. lot about the lizard people sir do you see his huge tongue wait what did you say you're Matt Stewart do you want to come to the next paragraph oh fuck it that'd be fun obviously I'll need to say some ID how cool was that hello Matt Stewart ladies gentlemen thank you well adding to the mystery of it all is that apparently no one really knows who funded the works. But there is a foundation stone at the terminal

which states that it was funded by the New World Airport Commission. The conspiracy theory buffs out, there will... What? Is this him? His grammar's not amazing. Is this him or is this me? Yeah, I think it's time to take back. His mic technique was better than the real Matt Stewart's.

Thanks so much. Well done, Matt Stewart! Now, be honest, our Matt Stewart, audience Matt Stewart, was that his error, or have you just typed a lot of bullshit? I thought he was doing really well. Yeah, it was been great. But what have you done here, mate?

The New World Order, yeah, sure. So that was... Oh, yeah, that broke, yeah, right. So the foundation stone, the Matt was chatting about. But I'll take it from here. It said that it was funded by the New World Airport Commission, and the conspiracy theory buffs out there will know that this... Yeah, that is no good.

You see what I have to deal with here, Matt? My own words. Yeah, so the New World Order. You guys familiar with the New World Order? Oh, yeah. It's one of the big ones. And that says... Yeah, like Kevin Nash.

Can't remember the other guy. That's a WWF 90s wrestling reference. For the six or seven people that got it, you're welcome. It's basically a small group of people secretly running the world trying to move the world towards a single global government. That's the New World Order apparently. And this airport was funded by the New World Airport Commission. Oh, that's too similar.

But here's the thing. the New World Airport Commission doesn't actually exist. Much like the New World Order. Officially, apparently the airport says, oh no, it's not the New World Airport Commission, it's the New Dash World Airport Commission, which also doesn't seem to exist,

but that is something they would bloody say, isn't it, those fucking airport dogs? Airport dogs! Where? Oh, sitcom idea. It's a dog airport. A little doggy customs? Are you kidding?

I mean, they do, they kind of exist. What's that? Snipper dogs. Huh. This is very disappointing. Thought I'd come up with a very clever sitcom. I mean, it could still be a sitcom. No, no, you've ruined it.

Sorry. You've ruined my hopes and dreams. There's a dedication stone in the airport. I may have already mentioned that. I'm doing it, but again. And it features the Freemason's, logo, which people feel, some people think there's a connection between the

Freemasons and the New World Order. The Freemasons are a bona fide secret society whose history dates back hundreds of years, and their membership has included many rich and famous people, including Hollywood entertainers, businessmen, and US presidents. Like Gerald Ford.

Oh. Just to name one. And my grandfather. I'm part of the new old Hitler was in the Freemasons You are so fucked later And you two are staying together

And we're staying at an Airbnb together And guess who's sleeping on the foldout couch It's me currently But it's no longer me currently But it's no longer me currently Worth I believe Dave the Freembourg Mason's are also who the Simpsons were basing the Stone Cutters on as that parody.

That is true. Yeah, this is the Simpsons reference out of the way. Like in the Stone Cutters, in the Freemasons, members are ranked with a number, with 33 being the highest level. Jess, what do you feel about that? Oh, 33? Bleck. Two more. Or, three less.

I prefer three less. I don't like 35. I don't know why. But I don't like 35. 35? That was Robert Harvey's number. St. Kilda Great. Anyway.

Jewel Brando medalist. Jewel? Yeah. That's a lot. The Denver airport was dedicated on March the 19th, 1994. What do you think I dedicated? They do like a ceremony with the mayor or whatever. Oh, cute.

Big red ribbon? Yeah, something like that. Noulty big scissors. And the stone has the Freemason symbol on it, right? Now, if you add up the numbers from that date... Oh, yes. 19-994, 1-9-19-9-9-4, you get 33, which is also the number of the thing I just said.

If you go back that far, it's also the age that Jesus Christ was when he died. So I'm starting to think this goes all the way to the top. Did you write that? No, no, I'd riff that then. You riff that? Thank you. I'm the riffed king.

Everyone knows that, baby. Stop calling me baby. Oh, do you thought that was to you? It was a general baby? Yeah, I was talking to that man over there. I'm really sorry he winked at you. I'm really sorry. Won't get an apology from me.

Due to the Freemasons' long and secretive history, many believe that they are part of the New World Order conspiracy. Another thought is the bunker has been set up to be a Nazi-style concentration camp. Any thoughts on that, Jess? Concentration camps, bad. Yes, thank you. Yeah. Yeah, you're a little less clap happy now, I notice.

One of the key bits of evidence for this is that from above, the runways look very similar to a swast sticker. I imagine if that is not planned, and then you get the aerial view. You just have to get the architect in, and you're like, Jeff, what the fuck? And you know how they often have like a picture hanging on their wall of the aerial view? Like when they first built it and then they have to hang it and they just every day like, fuck. No, no, no, they salute it every day.

Yes, that's on tape. I said they salute it. You and your people. You're sleeping on the street tonight. So I'd call that obviously that's an interesting choice aesthetically. Others call it an obvious sign that the airport has been built by Nazis. There's wily Nazis. Always build at airports.

The official word from the airport is that it has been designed this way so that all runways can be used simultaneously no matter the weather conditions. The airport spokesman said, We think the shape looks more like a pinwheel. And when I, actually, when I read that, I looked at it again and I agreed, it does look like a pinwheel. A swasticker-style pinwheel for Nazis. Cool, all right.

That's the Jokerode in there. There's also another weird thing, and this is what it gets a lot of people's attention, the murals. There's some wild murals there, so wild that they've had to be taken down. Big weird, murals are on display at the airport. And a lot of conspiracy theorists, see, these as being an obvious sign

that something sasses up, right? In particular, there is a pair of dip titches, which is, does that mean twos? Yeah. Sick. Dip? I should have looked that up, but I love that about it. Is dip two? And there's enough of you confidently saying yes, so yes.

Yes, dip titch. Have you lost your place now? Don't want me to pad? Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-no. No, I'm on a roll now. All right, go. The paintings were by artist Leo Tanguma and feature pretty full-on imagery.

One shows a Nazi-looking soldier wearing a gas mask. Oh, for fuck saying. He's going to say, one features a giant swast sticker. He's wielding a massive sword and a big machine gun. It's a full-on. It's so full-on. But it's like... He's got a gas mask on, so you can't see,

but I assume he's biting his lip like that, yeah. Rambo style. Around him, it shows children dying and grieving mothers. At the Denver airport. It's so weird. That is, that's odd. Another mural depicts children from around the world handing weapons wrapped in their national flags

to a little German boy who is hammering them out of shape. The little German boy is wearing like Liederhausen. And there's like an American scout boy with guns wrapped up in the flag and he's handing him in. What? Yep. At the Denver airport. At the Denver airport.

Stupid. In one of the murals, there is a letter written in the bottom corner from a child who died at Auschwitz. Fucking hell. At Denver? It's real weird.

Real weird. Probably not surprisingly, this full-on imagery, I've said that too many times, has captured the imagination of conspiracy theorists, linking them to the apocalypse, fascism and other forms of evil.

Fascism. Oh, fascism. You've got to go to Paris. It's the fascism capital. That's funny. I should write that down. I could be a bit.

Someone reminded me that later. Just listen to this. Never. You cannot, there's nothing you could do to make me want to listen back to this. Fair, fair, fair. Sorry. Denver Airport Media Relations Chief, Heath Montgomery has responded to some of these conspiracy theories. Good name.

That's a good name. It's the first good name. Hello, I'm Heath Montgomery. I got nothing else on Heath. I mean, that was enough. It was quite enough, mate. He responded to these conspiracy theory claims about the mirrors. So weird that he had to, but anyway, he did.

And he was interviewed by thrillus.com, which is fun. Montgomery pointed to a plaque They were there at the airport And he goes I mean look at Could you read this plaque to the journalist And the plaque says This is a powerful mural

Expressing the artist's desire To abolish violence in society Nobody ever looks at the artist statement Said Montgomery He's like fed up He's like why are they reading The description It says no war

We want peace Why there's a big Nazi with a sword it's art man he said the conspiracy people look at these and say it's showing fire and destruction and the new world order

and the collapse of society in civilisation it's such a stretch to make Montgomery's great well done him I'm not sure if he's had a good look at him doesn't feel like he's

he's really given him I don't think he's looked up from the from the explanation parts that's all he had to oh shit yeah There's a Nazi on there And there's an Auschwitz letter

What the fuck? Am I saying Auschwitz right Dave? Oh come on, come on No, just because he's got He's got German heritage, that's all Oh my God, German heritage Hitler was of course Austrian so you're in the clear

Although he did live in Germany for all Something I have never done Why? I'm not even drinking I don't know why. The art apparently went through a rigorous selection process. I wrote vigorous, and luckily, Google Docs put a little red line under that, because I was sure that was a word.

That took me too long to figure out it wasn't quite right. I still think it is, to be honest. Well, it's fine. What the fuck does Google know? Yeah, so I went through a rigorous selection process before being chosen, so it's weird that no one flagged any issues with it. So is there a list of things that they rejected? No.

Like, how hard do you have to go? for them Denver to be like, well, not in Denver. No, not a Denver airport. Whoa, whoa, whoa. So the mayor and everyone checked it off, right? And people go, well then, so it's, obviously that's fine. But what if the mayor's involved? Oh.

That's my conspiracy theory. I've got nothing to back that up. The murals aren't the only freaky thing at the airport. Jesus is going on longer than I expected. Almost at the end. Let's get to that bloody horse. The big finish. the horse here, all right.

The murals aren't the only fricky art at the airport. There's also a big 32-foot-tall statue of a horse outside of the airport called Mustang. 32 feet. Yeah, is that big? That sounds pretty big. Yeah. Pretty big. Pretty big.

Well, I mean, if you think of a foot-long sub. And I'd do. Times that by 32. Wow, that's a big sub. It's quite big, yeah. You couldn't get through that in a day. I reckon this horse, but he could. So it's 32 feet tall, and it's...

It's eating its own length in sandwiches. I couldn't eat five foot longs. Oh, maybe over a day. Yeah, all right. Yeah, don't limit yourself. So Mustang is bright blue, and its eyes glow red. Oh, what? Which is particularly terrifying at night, apparently.

I just heard a yucky over here. Which I agree with. It's been nicknamed Bluopher. That's very good. Conspiracy theorists speculate that the statue represents the fourth horseman of the apocalypse, aka death. It's a really lighthearted airport.

But this is pretty apt if this horse does represent death, because Blusifer has literally killed a man. What do you mean? The statue's artist. Louis Jimenez was killed by the statue. Killed by his own statue, before he'd completed working on it, a piece of the statue fell on him, severing an artery in his leg. And he bled out.

That horse has blood on a hoofs. Was he trying to write the artist's description as he was dying? This is a peace horse as he bleeds to death. This was meant to be a piece. piece horse. And they still put it up. Yeah. Who finished it? Out of respect.

I think Satan himself. So there's so many different bits and pieces. There's more than this. I've picked out the bloody best ones, I reckon. But then the guy, the journalist who was writing that article with the Thrillist.com, Colin St. John, another great name. Ooh. I love a St. John. Oh, very good.

Oh, yeah. Got a love of St. John. So he got in touch with the man responsible for designing the structure of the airport itself, Kurt Fentris, and asked him, there's a quote, he asked him bluntly if there are any underground tunnels or secret bomb shelters. No one had thought to ask, up until this point. Because Fentress replied, well, I really can't speak to it. I'm sworn to secrecy. So John went on to say, he goes,

he either has a sense of humour as dry as the Denver air, which is a... Did you know the Denver air was dry? Is it dry? Nobody goes to Denver airport. He said, or he's not kidding, even a little bit. So he believes it could be true. And I've been thinking about this lot.

I'd love to hear what you guys think, but if it was like, why would you... If it's a Nazi thing, don't design a big swast sticker on the top. You're giving it away, sort of. Well, the Nazis have... been known to be subtle, so you're right. I mean, they probably thought they'd never be found out. I mean, at what stage are people high above an airport?

I mean, they thought they'd get away with it. Yeah, that is a good point. But sadly, people looked out the window. Apparently, there is, when they set it all up, there's a time capsule that's been buried under that plaque, and it's due to come, be dug up at the end of the century, and Fentress says there's a few answers in there. Oh, this says keep digging.

Yeah. He apparently designs and stuff like that. I mean, certainly St. John reckons there's something in it, and he's like, you know, he thinks it's quite likely that there's something down there. He doesn't think it's anything to do with the New World Order or anything, but probably some sort of a big thing in case of emergencies. Snacks? Beef jerky, that sort of stuff.

All right, so that's basically my report, but I did. I was fascinated by how cool the number thing was, right? They added up the numbers and that proved it 33 was the number right. So I've done a quick number thing here myself. I've linked up every letter of the alphabet to a number. A is one. B is two. C is etc.

All right. C is three letters. And I've done a little experiment. I did this in the air today. Phil Collins style. Look, that got away from me. It was just, I was saying it before I realized it and I apologize. But I did this, I did this little experiment and I've done this.

I've linked up the letters. Did everyone get me? A is one. Dave, D4, A1, V-22 E5. That means Dave equals 32, right? The second... Not a Nazi, possibly the second highest Freemason, so... Okay, exactly.

That's what I thought at first. I'm like second highest freemason. Or is there more to uncover? Okay. James, you go through the same process, 48. Warnakey. Something else, okay, I don't know if anyone else has noticed this. First three letters of Warnocky, war.

What does it mean? I don't know. What does it mean? What is it good for? Warnocky equals 77. Dames. Dames. Bames.

Dave James Warnocky equals 157. The first phrase I checked to see how much it equaled also equals 157. The very first phrase I checked also equals 157. What do you mean the very first phrase? Explain that quickly. What do you mean? The first one I was going, I'm like, I'll try a bunch of different things out and I'm going to frame him up today.

The first one I tried equals the exact same as your name, Dave James Warnocky. And that phrase was Lizard person Illuminati confirmed! Oh my God! I mean, all I need to say about that. That is... I didn't mean to out you here tonight, but...

Look, I want to believe, and I now do believe. Couldn't believe it. The very first... The Uber driver had no idea why I was so excited. Well, he does now though, he's here tonight. Oh. He promised. He promised.

Matt Stewart in the Denver Airport, ladies' gentlemen. That is. Illuminating is what that is. Illuminati. Aluminati. Yeah, that was better. That's the last one. No, it's not.

Once you're on a roll... It is hard to stop. It is hard to stop. It's the momentum. You know who else found that? No, no, let's hear him out. Who else? No, no good. Jess. I was thinking Robert Harvey running down the wing, 1997, kicking that beautiful goal.

All right. Matt, do you want to... Want to take over from here? Okay, my turn. And I, as always, definitely wrote a question. And I have it here now. and I'm going to read it. Here we go.

Off the page in front. Here we go, I'm reading it. Any second now. Read it my question. Okay, well my question is to you and to the audience, what shape is the earth? Oblong! Oblong's fun.

Oblong's fun. Can I use oblong? I'm going to say oblong. Incorrect. to the world is obviously flat. You mean the shape known as flat? Yes. Wow. I mean, my mind is being blown.

Wow, the flat shape. It's a flat shape. Obviously, you would have studied that in primary school. Oblong, flat shape. Yeah. You know, in play school, they'd go through the square window, the triangle window, the flat window. You just run into the window. I think there's something I find interesting.

Nearly every window is flat. Illuminati confirmed. I love that that is obviously the key word. She was so on it though. I was like there'll be a delay if she gets to it. Nailed it, yes. Okay, great. Great job, Fiona.

Yeah, so obviously a lot of you have heard of flat earthers, people who believe that the world is flat. And I think the more you hear, the more you think they need hands. Help. Genuine question, any in tonight? Not after what I just said. I think they're... Oh, we've got one leaving now.

Just get your drink. Just get your drink. Just an alcoholic, it's fine. Please. Jess definitely isn't trying to flat shame, so... No, I don't know. I would never flat shame. I'm not here to shame anyone. I'm just here to educate. And...

Carefully, you don't... Earth is round, all right, cool. Carefully, you don't fall off the edge. It's a serious thing I don't understand. Anyway, so in very simplistic terms, flat earth is believe that the earth is flat. Slow down. Everyone calm the fuck down.

So that belief is not a conspiracy in itself. That's just a belief, right? Wait, hang on. Did you just say oblong again? Because that could be true, right? It could be flat and oblong. Is that right? What does oblong mean?

It makes you think, doesn't it? New theory. New theory. Oblong earth. We're oblong earthers. Oh, I like that. It's fun to say. Oblong.

I like how it feels in my mouth. Oblong. Just tell me more about this. Flat earth. Thank you. So, I mean, this has kind of started quite a long time ago very long time ago in fact

in early Egyptian in the early Egyptian years Oh the early Egyptian years Yeah you know The world was always portrayed as a disc floating in the ocean Floppy disc

Several ancient Greek philosophers believed that the world was flat Can't trust them You got an issue with the Greeks? Yeah, a couple. The ancient ones? Yeah, ancient ones.

Oh, okay. There was one ancient Greek philosopher who thought the earth floated in water like a log. Which I don't really get. Like an oblong shaped log? Yeah, it was like a little oblong, just floating along in infinite water. That's cool. But it's been argued that that philosopher still believed it was round, just like a little ball in a lake. again it makes no sense

had he ever seen a log wow that is a great question very philosophical have you ever seen a log but Dave what is a log that's all he can say I love Oblog guy

Oblong Oblong? Oblong guy Oblong Is fun He's my favourite character on our show Oblong guy I am offended by that

I am my favourite character in ancient China as well the prevailing belief was that the earth was flat and square while the heavens were round I don't fully on the That is a great image Where square Up there

Round Which makes sense And the model of an egg was often used by Chinese astronomers to describe the heavens as spherical. And the egg is in a sphere. So they kind of fucked that, didn't they? Didn't say what kind of egg could have been like one of them round eggs. It's true.

Good point. I always give the Chinese... What was it? What kind of Chinese were they? Astronomers. Astronomers. I always give the Chinese astronomers the benefit of the air. What kind of Chinese?

Look, it didn't sound great. Sure, it didn't sound great, but I just meant, I just wanted to say the full thing you said, because if I left at it, I always find that give the Chinese the benefit of the... That would just sound bad. Admittedly, the pause did not come at a good time. Remember when we started and they would clap at everything? And now they're like, oh, we've set aside our Friday night to watch three fuckheads. You have, yes.

Sorry. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. We deserve that. So the first person or the first culprit who, culprit, thought that the, or hypothesized that the world was in fact a sphere,

was Pythagoras. Same dude who came up with my favorite theorem. I'm bad at maps. Which one? But I was actually really good at Pythagoras' theory. Strangely enough. Is that the M equals MCM? Sure.

A squared plus B squared. I love that one too. It's a good one, isn't it? E equals MC Hammer? Love that. Stop. Stop. So.

Just you and me, Matt Stewart's wife. Oh! Yeah. Doesn't actually matter which Matt Stewart you marry. Technically, it's all of them. Imagine that. That'd be very confusing. There's lots of Jess Perkins's.

How do you come into this? Sorry. Pythagoras in the 6th century BC stated that the earth is spherical. And this view spread rapidly in the Greek world. Just in the Greek world. And so this kind of became like the norm after that. But then we come to a more modern time in the early 1800s. Your time, Matt.

Yip! You. You. Y. Y. Oblong. I'm starting a warm to get, man. A couple of characters in.

You, man, where you are? Yo, man. Not yo man. What the fuck? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yo man, we'll come to you later. Know your place, yo man. Come on.

We want you, man. Are you still there? Yes. Yeah. Love it. I love it. I love it. I also love, like, it's a full body thing for you.

You. I'm sure he's doing that exact move. And I apologize to yo, man. Your time will come. Same bloke. Same bloke. He's very confused. I don't doubt it.

Same bloke. Multiple personalities. So, uh, Modern flat-earth hypotheses originated with the English writer Samuel Robotham. Fuck, yeah. Robotham. Robotham. Ooh, I like that a lot.

It was based on conclusions derived from the Bedford Level experiment, which was that basically when somebody stood at one end of a lake, or of a river, sorry, with a telescope and watched their friend sail away, and because they could still see them for a bit, they're like, no curve. On a lake. A river. On a river. Telescope, boat.

I didn't see your just curve, mate. So... I hadn't thought about that. Do you have an answer? Always oblong. There we go. Oblong life. So Robotham published a pamphlet called Zetetic Astronomy.

And he later expanded it into a book. The book's title was, Earth, Not a Globe. And it wasn't even like Earth, colon. Not a Globe. It's just Earth, not a globe. Which I love. People only read four words at a time before switching off.

Earth, not a globe. Oh, not a globe. Love it. I'll pick this up. Earth is not a board. Yon. I'll never know what Earth isn't. Earth, not a globe.

Which is great. And in Earth, not a globe, he proposed that the Earth is a flat disk centered at the North Pole, which I guess then doesn't really make it north. Middle pole Yeah I was going to go centre We're so different

So centre So north So north pole's in the middle And around The edge is just a wall of ice Antarctica is just all the way around Just keeping us in Yeah

Someone said Game of Thrones Does that mean anything? It's a show man Oh, okay great Are you listening things you'd rather be watching? I'm swall, no. Yes. No.

Haven't seen it. Dave, are you? Are you okay? Oblong. Gets you out of anything. It's a real crap for help. So, so North Pole's in the middle.

Center Pole. Great. Antarctica, all the way around. After Robottom's death, a woman called, Lady Elizabeth Blount. Blount. Blount.

That's so pretty. So beautiful. She established a universal Zatetic Society whose objective was the propagation of knowledge related to natural cosmog... Blount.

Blount. Basically, the Society published a magazine which was called The Earth Not a Globe Review. Again, I didn't think to revise that. I mean, do that Earth, lot of globe in brackets, sick or something, to be like, this isn't our title, this is his title. Earth, not a globe review.

I love it. And that remained, like, the magazine was active well into the early 20th century. And then there was also a flat earth journal called Earth, a monthly magazine of sense and science. Still flat. Tune in next month. It was published for a few years from 1901 to 1901. And it was edited by Lady Blount.

Oh, Lady Blount. Blount. It's yuck. Any blounts in? Does everyone want to have a go? On three, everyone say blount. One, two, three. Blount.

Yeah, it's gross, isn't it? That's fun. Doesn't feel good. Blount. Anyway. I bet Oblong guy just yelled oblong. Oh, no. Yeah, I know, I just said it.

Call and response. Love it. Love it. Is that you right up the back in front of the lamp there? Yeah, it's yeah, yeah. Absolutely backgrove. You can't see anything. You're yelling into the void.

Yelling into the void. The Dave Warnocky story. So true. So true. So there's a couple of different publications going. In 1956, a guy called Samuel Shenton. created the International Flat Earth Research Society, running it from his home in Dover in England.

He kind of designed it as a successor to the Universal Zetetic Society. But given his interest in alternative science and technology, he had less of a religious view than the last one. The Universal Zetetic Society had some religious swayings. Anyway, when satellite images showed Earth as a sphere, Shenton remarked, it's easy to see how a photograph like that could fool the untrained eye. But he's been training his eye in his own lounge room for many years.

Many years. 50 of those. Six sets of 50. Every day. Every day. The strongest stars. Later, he was asked about similar photographs taken by astronauts who were in space. Right, right.

Sherry's got a great answer here. And he attributed the curvature of the world to the use of wide angle lenses, adding, it's a deception of the public, and it just isn't right. He's just got a really good fish eye all the time. Yeah. I love that.

So this kind of leads in nicely into Flat Earthers and NASA. So they believe that NASA, along with the world's governments, are all covering up the fact that Earth is actually just a disc, hanging suspended in space. Oblong. But then, you know, like there's... There hasn't really been any astronauts come out and say, that's true, it's a big disc you're being lied to.

But the Flat Earth Society explains that space agencies of the world are involved in a conspiracy faking space travel and exploration. Something that they say began in the Cold Wars space race. As it turns out, they say the US and Soviet Union had to keep out faking each other. Makes sense. Nowadays, the conspiracy is most likely motivated by greed rather than political gains and using only some of their funding to continue to fake space travels

saves a lot of money to embezzle for themselves. Oh. That's smart. More money in our pockets. Yeah, I like that. Are you NASA? Yeah, I work for NASA. Whoa.

You knew that was my day job. Sorry. By day, I'm an astronaut. by night I'm a podcaster and I save babies what?

Yeah I'm like a very specific superhero I only save babies Help help I'm on fire Sorry how old are you two Fuck off Call Superman I don't get a shit Not my problem

That's what I say Two year olds You're a real You're a real hero Yep. It's those maternal instincts. Kicking on in. I'm going to speed through these last bits so I can keep drinking and we can get to Dave. So in the most popular flat earth model, the outer edge of the earth, like I mentioned before,

it's just ice. It's a big ring of ice. It's bounded by it. It's called the ice wall. Again, very creative. The traditional view is that the ice wall rises up. approximately 150 feet above sea level. It's even bigger than that horse. Yeah, so think of like a foot long. Tell me how many horses. I only know in Blusufers. Do you think if they're both measured in feet,

do you think they're somehow related? No. No. I reckon feet's a pretty standard unit of measurement. Oh. But it's weird though, isn't it? Feet. Think about it. Feet. We've all got them.

Wish I remembered what the cue for the X-Files theme was. Aluminati? Confirmed. Aluminati confirmed. Yes! You are so good. You weren't going to give it to me. You won't pander to us. That is so good. Seriously. I don't get it. I don't deserve to hear the X-Files theme. Yeah, losing control.

So yeah, the ice walls, 150 feet, obviously, to make sure the ocean. doesn't spill out. Of course. And what did they think was outside as just into space? Wow, that's cool. I kind of wish that was it. Yeah.

Wouldn't that be fun? Yeah. Imagine. That'd be pretty fun. But you can't just go and hang out at the ice wall because they also believe that the ice wall is,

of course, guarded by NASA employees to prevent people from climbing or falling off the edge of the earth. So, You can't just wander on up and have a look. They won't let you. Jump into space. Stop right now.

Nanny State. Am I right? Let me jump into space if I want to... The man, you know? I'm not okay. Others believe, though, that the ice fall to be much, much larger. Some say that it is estimated to be between 40, 50,000 feet high, which is, I mean,

even if you wanted to climb to the top of that, fuck that, you know? How high is Everest? Like, about 20,000 feet or something? So it's bigger than that. It's double Mount Everest. Double Everest. Fuck that.

I'm not doing Everest twice. I've already done it. Once is enough. Once is enough. We've always said that. We did it once. Yeah. Now I'm bored.

Never again. But see, I was just imagining like a solid wall. advice. Is that what you were picturing? No, not anymore. Okay. Picturing one of those ones where it's like in the middle there's fishies in there. Cute.

Frozen fish though. No. Oh. No. Fish fingers. I wish I would be. They are oblong shaped. They're oblong shaped.

He only eats oblong shaped foods. It's very confusing. In some ways it's not confusing at all. Wow. That is beautiful. So what should we be imagining when we think of this wall. Yeah, so I was imagining just like solid, like a wall of ice. Like Ganga Throne.

Is what I felt when I read Ice Wall. Yeah, yeah. Have you heard of Game of Thrones? Yeah. Oh, no shit. All right, cool. It exists. Illuminati confirmed.

Diminishing returns. It's a naturally form structure. More like a mountain range. Just like a snowy mountain range. Oh, that's great. just ends with a mountain range. I like that. I know, that's cute.

Mountain ring. Yeah, that's cool. It clarifies, this is from the Flat Earth Society's website. It says, it is a wall only in the sense that it walls the Earth's oceans. Yeah. Don't be a fucking idiot. Yeah. It's not like Truman Show kind of wall, you know.

And they also say, so another thing that Flat Earth Society do have a bit of an issue with is gravity. It's an illusion. Objects don't accelerate downwards. No, no, no, no, no. The earth is constantly moving up. What, like an elevator? Yeah, we're just always going up. We're going up right now.

That's good news. Yeah, this disk is just constantly moving upwards at 32 feet per second driven by a mysterious force called dark energy. Which I enjoy his way. We booing dark energy? Because it's keeping us alive. In the flat Earth universe,

gravitation, not gravity, exists in other celestial bodies. So a gravitational pull of stars, for example, causes tidal effects on Earth. So stars have gravity. Right. We don't. We have gravitars. Gravitars.

So here's a few FAQs from the Flat Earth Society's website. These are really fun. First question is, if the world was really flat, what would happen if you'd jump off the disc's edge? A fantastic question. Yeah, what's the answer? The answer is, in general, you would become directly affected by dark energy as the Earth is,

creating the illusion that you are standing next to the Earth. What, forever? Yep. I'm not sure what you're standing on. Dark energy, that's what you're standing on. So you're just there. And I imagine like a lot of people would try it too. So eventually there'd just be a bunch of people

just standing next to the world. Hey, how long you've been out for? Yeah. You know those shell pools? I imagine that you're just standing next to one of those because you can still see the earth. But you're just standing next to it. Just like, oh, that was silly.

Can I get back on? No, all right. I can't. I'll just stand here then. I mean, do you stay there until you stopped? death? Maybe, but maybe once you're outside of the earth, hunger's no longer a thing. That's how we solve world hunger. Get everyone off the earth. Yep. Stop the earth, I want to get off. Is that a thing?

Yeah, that's a second vague Simpsons reference. Thank you. Stop the planet of the apes. My favorite answer, though, is to this question. How is it? How is it? that the Earth does not have any gravitational pull but stars and the moon do and the answer is this argument is a non-sequitre. You might as well ask, how is it that snakes do not have legs but dogs and cats

do? Next question. Apples and oranges, dickhead. Snakes are not dogs or cats. The Earth is not a star or moon. I love that they had to clarify their point. Yeah, that's

That's their answer. A couple of more, very quick things. There's a filmmaker in Flat Earth called Rob Skiba. He held a talk called Testing the Globe where he revealed why NASA and the governments of the world are so keen to perpetuate the myth

that is the Earth is round. He says the real motivation behind this is that they want to hide God from us. Where's he hiding? Well, that's the thing we don't know. So there's a quote from me. says the bigger picture, many of us have come to believe, is hiding God. To me, that would be the ultimate motivation. So they think NASA's more powerful than God? No, they think NASA's

found God and they don't want anybody else to find him. And now God's... And God's just like, all right. No, God... Yeah. He's sitting in a room somewhere? Yeah, he's shy. They've trapped him in a cupboard. So for those at home, just in case the mics didn't pick that up, someone just yelled Denver Airport and there is a big chance, 35,000 acres of pure bunkery. That's about a God's side. Yeah, he'd be

rammed in but he could be there. You're like on can't wait till the reckoning. I want to pop my head out. For the listeners at home, Matt is impersonating God. Sure.

Could say that about me any bloody day. but don't we No Okay and just one last thing A lot of you may have seen on social media At times quite recently

A resurfacing of a theory That first floated around 2006 And that is that Australia does not exist I'm so sorry to be the one to tell you Wow We're not real So a woman wrote this on a forum

And she did later say that it was a joke But 50,000 people jumped on the bandwagon Not as a joke So she originally wrote Australia does not exist All the things you call proof are actually well-fabricated lies And documents made by the leading governments of the world Your Australian friends

They're all actors and computer-generated personas part of the plot to trick the world. Yeah. A lot of people jumping on that bandwagon as well and claiming that the governments, all of them, made Australia up. Ah, I mean, Australia, as if Australia exists, nine prime ministers in eight years,

like that's going to happen. Tobigo. Topigo. Tomicle. And they all did. I just want to find the rest of it here. So these are just some of the other things that people have jumped on there. They've said, I'm sure you have even talked to people on the internet

who claim to be from Australia. I have. But that's the thing. It's also talking about like, you've probably spoken to people on the internet because none of them leave their house. They're really secret government agents who are surfing the internet to enforce these false beliefs.

And this is my favourite part. we're not entirely sure why the government made up an imaginary continent or why it's trying to convince the world the continent is real but we can tell you that we know for a fact that Australia doesn't really exist and then it says please join us in our quest to convince the world of the truth and then I just looked over your shoulder there's a picture of Osama bin Laden yeah yeah so that's confusing Well, what a way for everyone to find out here tonight as well.

But I wanted everyone to find out in a safe space, you know, and that we're here for you, and afterwards we will be holding some counselling sessions if anybody needs to discuss the fact that you're fake. We are here for you. But that is my report on flat earth conspiracy theory. Just fucking! And now, I will make this quick.

But I will tell you that I, like Matt, there are a couple options for me for my conspiracies. Originally I wanted to do the one, when I googled it, the thing that popped up that I liked the most. And that was the theory that Michael Jackson and his older sister, Latoya Jackson, are in fact the same person. The main evidence was that they look very similar, much like a brother and sister. And that they were never, ever seen in public together. I was like, oh man, this could be real. Then I googled Michael Jackson, LaToya Jackson, hit images,

and hundreds of images came up off them together. Yeah, but Dave, we just learned how easy it is to doctor an image. That is true. That is true. So I did actually, I'm afraid, I did avoid that because the Illuminati had done it again. So I've decided to go with a spy story instead. Ooh. So my question to get us on topic is,

If you were at the Millennium Hotel in London on November 1st, 2006, what should you avoid drinking? Shampoo. I'm going to give it to you. In general, that's good advice. That is good advice. That's how Matt turned out this way.

I had a bottle-a-day addiction for like three weeks, and all of a sudden I'm... Oh, whatever. all right. It's not shampoo. Anyone know what it is? Poison. Tea is correct.

Well, I mean, the tea may have been made with toilet water. No offence to the Millennium Bar. I don't know them. Tea. No drinking tea. The answer is, do not drink the tea. My report is on the murder of Russian spy Alexander Litvinenko. Yeah.

On November the 1st, 2006, have you guys heard of this? No. Have you guys heard this? A round of applause? Front row is losing her fucking mind and you're going, anyone? Anyone? Why are you losing your mind? Oh my God. Well, BuzzFeed Unsolved was not watched by me, so there you go.

Well, you know how this ends. So does everyone, I just said the murder? There you go. All right. Yes, spoilers. Alexander Litvinenko was born in Russia in 1962 when Russia was still the Soviet Union. His first drop out of school was as an army trooper for the Russian. Russian Ministry of Internal Affairs, where he quickly rose to the ranks. So in the late 80s, he was recruited to the KGB, the Soviet Union's main security agency,

very secretive. Basically... If it's so secretive, why have we all heard of it? They want you to think you've heard of it. Does that make sense? No, basically, he was a spy and started working in military counterintelligence. The Soviet Union fell, but he remained a part of this spy world, working for the KGB's replacement.

the FSB fucking sick bastards didn't write that down did not write that down his job for the FSB was to specialise in counter-terrorist activities and to infiltrate organized crime he was appointed to a

quote special secret unit to investigate organized crime but quickly became uneasy with what he started to find this is where things start to get messy for Alexander during his time investigating organized crime, he began to see links between many police officers and officials

of all ranks with the crimes from the underworld. He tried to tell his director about the corruption, but allegedly this had no effect and he started to realize, hang on, I think everyone is corrupt. According to his wife... Wouldn't you just feel left out there?

Oh my god. Oh, you're all in on it. Okay, cool. I'll do the paperwork. You guys go bowling. That's fine. I can lie too. I'm cool I may be corrupt Well he actually took

Umbrage with the few things he was asked to do According to his wife Alexander had objected to a number of tasks He had been assigned Including in order to kidnap a wealthy Chechnyan businessman in Moscow Killing his bodyguards if necessary In order to ransom him for Russian soldiers

He was still in captivity in Chechnya In captivity That was cute Do that again Diplomatic captivity Never claimed to be able to do that Well Alexander kept complaining

so he was told that he should have a meeting with a newly appointed head of the FSB, a certain Vladimir Putin. You've heard of him. He meant Putin to alert him to corruption in the Russian Secret Service, but expected nothing to come

from the meeting because he believed Putin himself was very corrupt. He could also tell instantly that Putin disliked him, which I love you walk in there and he's just like fuck off. I'm starting to sense that he doesn't really like me, but I will continue with my

complaints. Fed up with no accident, late 1998 Lidovenko took his complaints to a whole new level and held a press conference with some of his colleagues to publicize their complaints about the allegedly corrupt KSB, FSB, KGB, all the shit. He hates all the acronyms, all the

initialisms, they're all bad. They're bad. NBA, get out. Most of those at the press conference cover their faces to hide their identities. But Alexander did not. He also penned an open letter to Putin asking him to properly investigate his complaints against senior officials.

He was a very, very brave man. After holding the press conference, Lidavenko was dismissed from the FSB, but he didn't back down. In 1999, he co-wrote a book called, quote, blowing up Russia, terror from within. That's a better book title. That's way better.

Not blow up rush. people are like all right you've got my attention earth not globe this book accused Vladimir Putin of being behind a series of apartment bombings that killed nearly 300 Russians in the 90s he claimed Putin was behind the attacks

to tighten his own grip on power as the public were terrified they could be next basically he's saying that Putin blamed these Chechny and rebels and said if you get me in charge of the country I'll sort of out but he's saying Putin blew up these buildings

just like to go on the record that he said that Putin if you're listening I'm not saying that Putin is definitely listening Big fan yeah no loves that stuff yeah it's really sweet Oh I love Putin love his piano work

Good good stuff You guys seen that video? Very good No So basically he's coming out He's called Putin a liar He's accused him and stuff he's had a press conference his publishing articles, his name was written a book.

He spent nine months in prison on charges of abuse of authority and when he was released he was ordered not to leave Moscow. But in the year 2000, he got the hell out of there and flew to Turkey via the Ukraine.

He applied for asylum at the US Embassy in Turkey but he was denied so he bought a ticket from Istanbul to Moscow via London. That sounds like a fun Kintiki. It's actually the worst flight path. You've got to go all the way back over there.

Yeah, that's how Kintiki works. sometimes. Yeah, they're not well-organised those things. Right, we're going to spend six minutes in Belgium. Done. Take your photo, get in the bus. During his plane's quick stopover in London, he applied for asylum. So they pulled over to refuel, and he was like, can I have asylum? And they said yes. Nice.

He was granted. Asylum. So his new life in the UK, he's doing well. He's hip, he's happening. He's safe now. Or is he? Don't give away the ending. He worked as a journalist. I don't know that he is, though. I reckon he is. I reckon he's sweet.

Do you reckon he's here tonight? Alexander Lipponenko! There he is. Try the tea, all right. We'll get to the tea. Stop teasing. Right of applause. Come on.

Thank you. Matt, not such a big fan of pun work, but I am. No, Matt's the pun. He gave himself that title one time and hates every time I bring it up. Matt the pun king. You've zoned out, haven't you? I think it's getting late, but I've had fun. Let's just, yeah, let's call it a night.

Does anyone? Did you see when we started? Yeah, I did, I did. How we go on? Can we, yeah, it's good to do the admin on Mike. All right, I'll be able to get through this quick. I'll get through this quick. Okay, we won't interject.

No, please continue interject. So he works as a journalist in the UK for a bit. He was also paid by MI5 and MI6, which is the British intelligence, James Bond-style. And they're different. I found out recently they're all, every number's a different guy. There's like, there was an MI3 and other things as well.

Fact, that's a fact. Is that true? You saw a BuzzVeed video. I said MI3. God damn right, I did. Why, what did I do wrong? Look, let's go to the tape. I said whatever was correct. Thank you.

So he's working as a journalist. He's given a bit of info to the UK MI5, MI6, and he's continuing to be a vocal critic of the FSB and Putin in particular, who was now Russia's president, and he accuses him of being involved in lots of dodgy stuff. Dudgy. Lots of dodgy stuff. Hello.

I listen back to the tape and I go, I didn't sound like that. But anyway. So he's accused Putin of being involved with people like Saddam Hussein, giving him weapons. Stargate, man. Yes, maybe he sold him the Stargate. I can't tell you if that's true or not. You can't confirm it nor deny.

Nor deny. Which means it's true. Illuminati confirmed, which is way better than Illuminati denied. He also said that Putin was involved in the London bombing of 2005 and also he's stealing arms to all these people. So he's accusing of being involved in a lot of... conspiracies, if you are? Dave really knows how to work the audience, doesn't he?

Bang, bang, bang. It's all about the eyes. It's all about the eyes. One of his wildest claims about Putin in particular is that Vladimir Putin is a pedophile. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Wait, I missed the start of that sentence. Is that a fact? No, no, so one of his wildest claims,

he published an article accusing Vladimir Putin of being a pedophile. Oh, my God. He published this article. And then he published with it a photo. I thought, that is a big one. No. That's what this guy is saying.

Remember, this guy said that. Not asked Putin. He published an article, and with the article he attached a photo of Vladimir Putin, kissing a child on the belly, which is weird, but it's one of those, you know... Why are you kissing a kid on the belly? I know, so weird. I remember, he's accusing a man...

Unless he's doing raspberries, because they are fun. Raspberrys are bloody fun. you know, on the belly. Yeah, just make sure you know the kids pretty well. Preferably they're your kids or like a very close relative to like a niece or a nephew or something, not just a stranger that you're kissing on the belly. Yeah, I'd agree with that.

I mean, we do that today when he's a good boy, but... And I love it. Can't wait to get one after the show because this reporter's banging. So he's accusing Vladimir Putin of being a pedophile. I'm doing a shock on that. Matt? It would be my honour.

Perfect. So, to get us back on track, Putin, pedophile, great. He's accusing him of that. He's accusing that of a man he believes blew up 300 of his own citizens just to gain power. So he's playing a very dangerous game, some would say. So on November 1, 2006, In 2006, Alexander Litvinenko attended a prearranged meeting with two former colleagues of the KGB,

Andre Lugavoy and Dimitri Kovton. Now, they met at the pine bar of the Millennium Hotel in Mayfair in London. That's the one he mentioned at us. Yeah, huh? We're getting to the juicy bit. The tea bit. You can drink the juice. Yeah, juice is fine.

What sort of juice that they have there? All sorts. Do they have pineapple? They don't always have pineapple. They don't always have pineapple. They have pineapple. Oh, I love pineapple juice. They don't have grapefruit because it's sour and tastes fucking shit.

Yeah, grapefruit size. It's unclear what the meeting was about, but Litvinenko had known Lugovo since the 90s, so they've known each other a long time. Alexander had a cup of tea. Do they have watermelon juice? Yeah, yeah, it's good stuff, good stuff. Mmm, yum.

But the tea, we're talking about the tea here, Jeff. Ah, yes. What kind of tea? Peppermint? That's my favourite. He had a cup of English tea poured from a teapot he drank the tea and then he left

shortly afterward while dining at a sushi restaurant with his friend Mario Scaramela Lipineco began to experience intense nausea and even the loss of the use of his legs

knowing something was wrong probably didn't have to say that he entered a London hospital where severe burns in his throat were indicative of poisoning of some kind for several weeks Lipineco's condition worsened as doctors searched for the cause of this illness.

Surrounded by friends, Lippenetco became physically weak and spent periods unconscious. It was clear that he'd been poisoned by something. He claimed that the Russian government had conspired to kill him, so he was transferred to a UK hospital under police guard.

Ooh, I love that. Tests were run, but a cause of the poisoning couldn't be found. They run a lot of these tests were all coming to a dead end, so they send Alexander's blood and urine samples to a top secret British nuclear site, older maston.

And he's still alive. At this stage. And he... What about the sushi? You're going to rule that out? Because I'm at the moment. I think the sushi wasn't quite right. That happens.

Tea, you can't get poisoned by tea. No, but sushi. We will talk about the sushi. Yeah, we fucking will. The blood was tested for radiation and showed an unusual spike that couldn't be explained by the scientists. Mercury. One of the scientists who worked on the nuclear

bomb program in the UK, overheard other scientists discussing the results in the break room. He explained he'd seen this gamma-ray spike before and then it came from polonium. Specifically, Polonium 210. The discovery was pure chance but led them to understand what was happening to Alexander's body. Now, a bit of background here. Polonium, we've talked about that before on the show. It was discovered in 1898 by a previous report topic. Marvel superheroes.

Mari Curie. Mari and Pierre Curian is named after Maricuri's home country of Poland. Polonium. Polonium is extremely radioactive and 100% deadly. It has been estimated that a median lethal dose of polonium 210 is 0.089 micrograms. For comparison, one grain of table salt is about 0.06 micrograms. So less than 15 grains of salt worth will kill most people. But he's not most people

He ain't He ain't most people He's still kicking I tried to do that in like a Dave voice Did I nail it? Yes That was great I would wish I'd say

I'm Dave Go do more What else would he say Oh look at me with my hat of hair My hat of hair Yeah because you're a little Lego boy Oh fine That's fine

I thought I was being accused of wearing a hat You can't buy this look Nor would you want to Finally on polonium It's so deadly because it leads to the destruction of all cells and organ failure throughout the body A polonium as a poison had never been documented before And it was probably the first time anyone had been tested

For the presence of 210 polonium in their body But it's bad news It was affecting his liver, kidneys and heart He described himself as a living murder victim And published a photo of himself dying in hospital Completely bald from the poisoning wanting to show the world what Vladimir Putin had done to him. The discovery was also bad because it meant that other people might be injured or killed by the radiation.

It could be all over London. So the government's health body declared immediate warning and set up a public contamination zone. 20 scientists working all night to find traces of the radioactive substance, and it was found on airplanes, in cars, in a football stadium, in restaurants, and in hotels. All in all, 40 sites were found to be contaminated. dominated by Polonia. It was even found in the London Underground. 40 though.

40. I mean, well, over 40. So 50. That was a roller coaster. It was even found in the London Underground, but this information was kept quiet at the time to stop public panic. Great thing about this, though, was the author...

No, because then they'd have an excuse not to take the train. Like, I can't come to work. Trains are poisoned. That'd be awesome. That'd be so good. Pellonium 210, have you heard of it? Hello, read a book. 100% deadly.

Yeah, that's what I say to my boss all the time. I don't keep jobs for long. A good thing about the Pallonium was that it meant that they were able to trace the movement and who had brought in the Pellonium. We'll get back to that in a moment. But before the poison killed that Venko, it took an agonizing 23 days, and he was very, very ill.

Just before he died, he signed a statement, placing the blame for his murder squarely at Vladimir Putin's feet. Very yucky. His feet are heinous. Doesn't clip his toenails. However, Putin wasn't the first person he accused of his murder. More on that in a minute as well.

Ooh, we're going to an ad break? Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We'll be right back. In his final statement, Livonecker said, you may succeed in silencing one man, but the hell of protests from around the world, Mr. Putin, will reverberate in your ears for the rest of your life.

At the time he died, Lipvenecker had almost 100 times the lethal dose of polonium in his system. A.K.500 grains of salt. That's a lot of salt. I'd be okay with that much salt, though. The hospital room he was in was sealed after his death to stop further contamination. So you're wondering, who did it? Answers. Here they are. So the two main suspects were the two men that Alexander had met at the Millennium Hotel. Demetri Kovten and Andre Luggevoy.

and to be honest, there is a lot of evidence against them. This is the strongest stuff. CCTV shows Lugavoy walking to the toilet in the Millennium Bar with his hand in his pocket. And I know when I'm getting ready to poison someone some radioactive material, my hand straight to my pocket, even though I'm struggling to do that. Don't drop, don't drop, don't drop.

That was so worth it. So worth it. His mate Dimitri Koften can also be seeing going to the John in CCTV with his hand in his pocket. And a BBC documentary I watched on this noted that he was in there for three whole minutes. Three, what else would he be doing in there? Three minutes. Polonian, exactly.

Hand in his pants. Three minutes? Three minutes? I think I know what I'd be doing. Poisoning that guy. So that's all obviously pretty circumstantial. But the bathroom sink, hand dryer and toilet were tested and all found to have some of the strongest traces of polonium.

So that's pretty damning. The meeting was actually the second time they met with Alexander in London. They also met a month before, also at a sushi bar, that was later found to have traces of polonium. So they may have tried to kill him on the first day, but he didn't eat what they wanted him to. But then they went back to Russia and then came back to London all whilst carrying this polonium, which seems like a lot of work to kill one man.

But you do what you do, you know? You do what you do? You know what you do? It's a living. It's a living. It's a living. It's a living. It is a living.

It is a living. Okay, it's a living. What I said then. So I want to tell you that in, so they had an inquiry in this in the UK, and Judge Robert Owen chaired the British government inquiry into the Litvinco killing. In his findings, in his findings, he said he was certain Lugavoy and Kovton, the two KGB guys, killed Lidvenko by placing a lethal dose of polonium in his tea. By this time, Lugavoy was elected a member of the Russian State Parliament, meaning he was a member of the Russian State Parliament, meaning he was. He couldn't be extradited for the crime. Russia has also previously said it

it won't allow its citizens to be extradited to Britain to face trial. So certainly not a member of the parliament. So they're like, no, no, he'll never go on trial, which is dodgy. So aside for the conspiracy theory that these Russian agents backed by the Russian government, poisoned a man on UK soil with polonium

and put a whole lot of innocent people at risk and that Vladimir Putin was himself behind the entire thing, there are some other conspiracy theories. Which are? that it isn't what it looks like, only that it's what it meant, what it's meant to look like. Threw off the scent there by mispronouncing the sentence. I read a guy Justin Ramondo write on modalization.coma,

or dot CA, he wrote, quote, to begin with, if the Russians wanted to off Litvinenko, why were they poisoning with a substance that left a radioactive trail, traceable from Germany to Heathrow Airport, and in the process, contaminating scores of hotel rooms, officers, planes, restaurants and homes. Why not just put a bullet through his head? It makes no sense.

What do you say to that? I mean like a bullet, sure. But it's a bit less dramatic, isn't it? Yeah, what about the art? The art. The drama. Yeah, a bit of, you know. Take a bit of pride in your work.

That's such like level A murdering that guy we're talking about. You know what I mean? You don't hire these guys for level A murders. Oh, no, no. Double A. Double A. Ramando also writes there are indications that Litvinenko was engaged in the smuggling of nuclear materials, that he wound up being contaminated by the goods he was peddling on the black market,

seems far more credible than the cock and bull story about a Russian plot originating in the Kremlin. But others take the cock and say that Litvinenko was taken out, possibly by the UK government, to make it look like the Russian government did it. Ooh. Perhaps Vladimir Putin want to allow these KGB agents accused of the murder to be extradited because he doesn't believe they'll get a fair trial. They'll be found guilty of the crime and Putin will be accused of being behind it all. So who actually killed him?

You asked Matt. Who? Yeah, didn't you tell us before? No. Wasn't those guys who were jizzing in their pants? There is another man jizzing in his pants. What? Now I mentioned before.

I mentioned before that after the apparent poisoning at the Millennium Hotel, he met a man for lunch at a sushi bar. A man named Mario Scaramela. What I didn't say is that Mario Scaramela is a nuclear expert. Ooh. The pair met at a sushi restaurant in Piccadilly, London. Scaramela has stated he ate nothing and drank only water at the restaurant. Suspicious?

Or maybe he doesn't like to. Japanese. Maybe just one of those people that agrees to go out for lunch with you and then doesn't order anything and then you kind of feel awkward because you're like, well, I mean, I didn't pre-eat lunch for this lunch arrangement so I'm going to have some lunch but I feel like a dick and you've done this to me but you sit there and you chat while you eat and they watch you eat and that feels weird because then you're like, is there food all over my mouth? There is isn't there? And they're not saying anything because they're obviously not a very good friend because they didn't even have lunch at our lunch date, you know? I know. I know. I know.

And that concludes my TED Talk on Friendship. I just want to do a TED Talk is what I'm saying. You'd be great. A TED internet? No, alright. We did invite them. Just to sum up here, Wiki Spooks, which is a very spooky website. Says Scaramela is a self-acclaimed expert in nuclear waste

and worldwide locations of nuclear waste and another man with a dark past. Yet his name has been left out of the equation by the press for so many years while the blame Putin diatribe has been milked to the cows come home. The independent describes Scaramala as someone that claims to be

a professor at a university that has never heard of him and a consultant to a body that has no fixed address. Very mysterious. Then again, I'm pretty sure my uni would be like, who? Peas get degrees. Thank you so much.

Yes. Our conspiracy theorist will tell you, or hypothesize, that scaramalla squirted radioactive poison onto Alexander's sushi... In the bathroom. Wait, wait, wait. Hand down the pants. Three minutes later, he's squirting poison on his sushi? Is that what you said?

Yeah. Yeah. Pretty much. That checks out. Remember, he only started feeling sick after he was meeting this guy at the sushi. sushi bar. And the other guy didn't eat anything.

Did Scaramela poisoned Alexander to take him out and then also pin the crime on Putin and his foot soldiers? And remember when I said earlier that Putin wasn't the first person that Alexander accused of murdering him? Well, the first person he publicly accused

was Scaramela himself. Alexander quickly changed his story and started to accuse Putin. Because he was like, well, I'm dying. May as well take Putin down. Yeah, maybe. One last go, I don't know. It can't hurt.

Is anyone else confused? What are you confused by? Let me sum it up for you. In rat form. Alexander hates Putin. He moves to the UK. Putin's like, I'm going to fuck you up, maybe. Two KGB guys, he meets with them, then he gets real sick.

Did they poison him? Or did the guy he met after them poisoned him at the sushi bar? Yeah, no, we're still confused. Are you confused, really? No, you're fine. I'm with you 100%. I mean, I'm trying to speed through it. I'm trying to speed through it, to be honest.

You're doing great. Hey, no. Hey, don't let us shadow your confidence. I feel like Matt is shadowing my confidence. Matt, lift up his confidence. Hey, you're wearing a beautiful hat of hair. Thank you. Thank you. Go on, beautiful boy. Well, I've just got a summary here. In summary, the question is, was it a conspiracy by the Russian government?

Or was it a conspiracy to make it look like a Russian conspiracy? Or was it a conspiracy to make it look like a Russian conspiracy? Was it a conspiracy to make it look like a Russian conspiracy and throw us off the scent of the real conspiracy that Michael and Latoya Jackson are in fact the same person? Thank you and good night. Well done. Inconceivable.

That was great. Indubidably. And I think we can conclude that yes. In answer to all our questions, yes. Well, what a bloody great time it's been. Let's all go back through and recap our reports. From the top. Thanks so much for sticking with us.

That was a pretty long show. Yeah, thank you. Sorry and thank you. We really do appreciate you coming out. This is our 150th. What is that pretty bloody good? That's huge. Canada just turned 150 last year.

We're bloody catching them. You know that? Easy. Give us one more week. Next week we're older than Canada. And this is our biggest show. to date as well. So thank you so much to you guys for... Thank you. It really does mean a lot to us, so thank you.

I think that pretty much wraps it up for us, but we will be down the back standing near our t-shirts. And if you want to have more drinks, the bar is going to be over for another hour or so. A few of you may have heard that I've christened myself the snack captain for our UK tour. Here we go.

And just if anybody had like spare change, you want to chuck in for snacks and magnets. It is optional, but I'll be hungry if you don't. So there is a jar at the back as well if you want to I'll just take it some change or whatever. Like if you've got it, notes are preferred, whatever. You've got change right there.

Don't throw it at us, please. No, there's a jug. It's all good, and it will go towards snacks and all magnets. This is very uncouth. Yeah, Matt hates it. Therefore, put more in. And I love snacks and magnets. So yeah.

All right, let's hear it for the Yut. guy. Let's hear it for Oblong. Our main man, Mr. Matt Stewart in the front row. The real Matt Stewart. The owner on sound. Alana and everyone here at the giant dwarf.

You're amazing. Allie and Ollie. And I guess, yeah, to finish, I guess we could say with all three, Illuminati confirmed. Good night, stick around. a triumph. We're back in the studio.

Thank you for listening to that live episode. A real trip ditch. A little bit of Matt Jess and Dave flavor all in one pot there. Some would say a masterpiece. A triptages. Things with three flavors in one pot. Oh, yes. A culinary trip ditch.

Ooh. Yum. Yum. What's your flavor? Tell me what's your flavor? Craig. All right, Craig David. Am I right?

Is exactly what she's going for. I was just telling her own joke back to her. But anyway. No, but honestly, what are our three flavors? And then do they go together? Matt's obviously vanilla. I'm French French vanilla. Dave, what's your flavour?

Blue cheese. Oh, mint, yeah. That is awful. You two go together great. I'm good with no one. Correct. Take a fucking hint. I'm on my own here.

Can we separate the two out? I might actually, can I make mine coffee? Okay. Coffee. Dave and I, after the Sydney show, well, the next night, we went out on a date. You did, you play kids. Oh, it was a beautiful meal. We went out for an Italian meal.

Oh. And then... I kept telling people it was a pizza restaurant. We had pasta and risotto. I had nochi, which is potatoes, not pastas. It's not pastas. That's a, that's a great. That's a great.

It's a great. Ronnie John's sketch. I know it. It's great. It's really good sketch. It's potatoes, not pastas. Excuse me. I just noticed that this.

The noki was in the pasta section. What's up with that? It should be with the potatoes. Nocki's no pasta. The Jordan Raskopoulos. Yeah. So, yeah, I was going to say we went out for, and then we went for a walk, and then we went to an ice cream restaurant.

Ew, kitties. You're probably not a restaurant, is it? Ice cream parlor. An ice creamery. You called it, we were looking for, quote, a dessert bar. I wanted a dessert bar. I'd heard of them, and the ones we found had cues going out. At the wazoo, which is the front door.

In Sydney, they call them wazos. But we did find this great little ice creamery. And we had a chocolate sunda. A couple of fudge sundaes. Fudge and keys. And that's what made me that because I did have French vanilla and coffee. Two scoops. You got two choices.

Dave, what did you go for? I went with Belgian chocolate and coconut. Oh, interesting. A couple of great comments. I would have gone for a chalk mint. Easy. I love chogmin as well. My fave.

My classic combo. Which doesn't mix well together at all. Chalk mint and boise and berry sweet. Yeah, fucking love Boisenberry. Yes, let's ice cream together any time. Yes, Dave, fuck off you did coconut. I hate coconut. I really like coconut.

I don't know. Oh, yeah. Get on the mint chock and boise and berry trade-old. Get out. I reckon mint really takes away from the greatness of the chocolate. There is something wrong with your brain. We were having fun, Dave. We were having a nice time.

What about when we're having fun eating those? ice creams together, Matt. That was a big. That was really nice. That same night. I was watching the footy on my phone. Dave was going, what's going on there? And I said, shush.

Matt, you're explaining the ins and outs. It was a big game. It was, yeah, it was, anyway, doesn't matter. This great quick outro we're doing here. Sorry, we probably should have said, we're here at the end of the episode, if you haven't heard before, to pay tribute to our Patreon supporters. Basically, we've set up a Patreon a while ago now for people that really like the show and want to support it.

And financially you can do so and make this, you know, become part of our day job, which is really, really cool. And you get bonus rewards in return, like bonus episodes, you get shoutouts, you get to vote for the topics. You get to know about stuff in advance. Matt does a newsletter. The UK tour got a presale. Yeah, we do pre-sales. Yeah, so. And we also.

I do a weekly newsletter, which always includes me messaging Dave and Jess going, hey, anything you want to say. And sometimes Jess will say, here's a list of words. I did do that one time. Sometimes you'll say, I'm hungry for food. What, ask what food they like. I also did that one time. It's a lot of great insights.

Matt, don't give away the content for free. Oh, that's true. I feel hunger. I'm human. Yeah. And other times, I know words. Anyway. Dave very rarely contributes.

Well, Bassett, because you give us about three minutes to reply, and if we haven't, you've already hit post on the three. I guess Dave's not interested. I see it five minutes later, and I'm like, yeah, how about, oh, okay. Oh, too late. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. But apart from all that, on one level in the Patreon,

you get to contribute a fact quote or question. And that is put into the segment, which is called fact quote or question. I saw someone has made a jingle for this, which I've got to refound. I saw it somewhere and I can't. Anyway, this week's fact quote or question is from Mark Chopper read. And the fact quote or question giver also gets to give themselves a title. And Chopper has given himself the title, the man in charge of the little things. Oh, I like that because we know from little things, big things grow.

That is very true. And also there's big picture people. There's also little picture people. And they're very important. Very important. We're a team. The day-to-day operations. Yep.

And this week, he's offered us a fact. Oh, probably my favourite. I like to learn. Yes. Yeah, because you're a nerd. Or dispute. I like questions because I like to talk about me. I don't.

Yeah, because you're a self-obsessed nerd. He's, I actually came across this fact while I used to work in TV game show fact checking. Quit bragging. So he. Oh, a la de da. Signore. But I'm worried. that Matt, you are actually going to be like, actually,

I found that this was untrue. No, I think this is... This went through the show? I have, like, and I... I'm a little peek behind the curtain. I am not checking any of these things. I'm reading them word for it as they've been written. And as it were found a few weeks ago,

some of them are inconsistent even within the paragraph. But anyway, this is from the man in charge of little things. Indigenous people of Mexico and Central America He used the Nahuiti word Ahukati to mean both testicles and avocado. Oh, no. Do you know how often I'd get a smashed testicle on toast for breakfast? A couple times a week? Yeah.

The fruits were originally marketed as alligator pears in the United States until the current name stuff. Alligator pairs obviously make sense because they're in a pear shape and their skin is very... Alligatory. Yeah, very reptilian. And then they changed it to avocado. Avocado. I love the word avocado though.

Pretty good. Was the question on the quiz show, Matt, that you checked, the Nahuiti word for avocado is also the word for what? A testicles, B, penis, C, anus. Oh, no, the part that I was familiar with was the alligator penis. Oh, right, okay, right, cool. That was a bit of a tufa from... Yeah, two facts in one.

That was good stuff. Good one. I like that. Thanks so much for that, Ma. He's in charge of the little little things, which I like. Yeah, we need those people. Thank you. And we also like to thank a few other patrons each week. Dave, they're on a different level in the Patreon support.

And we've been doing this for quite a while. And we think a few each week. And Jess comes up with a little game for us to play it. We just talked about conspiracies. I know. It's hard. I don't know. Can you offer a conspiracy about this person each?

Something that goes all the way to the top. Fuck yes. Oh, okay. Okay. All right. And I've just had a look at my names here that I'm going to pluck out. And there are a couple of bloody crackers. I'd love to thank from C-S-E-C in Arizona, AR in the US.

Yeah. Molly Hardin. Oh. Molly's a crackin now. Love Molly. Molly Hardin. So good. Sounds like a PI.

Yeah. Molly Hardin, P-I. Yeah. I love that. Good on you, Molly. Okay. Conspiracy theory about Molly. Oh my goodness.

I don't mean to blow anyone's minds, but maybe this is a conspiracy. But AR isn't Arizona. It's Arkansas. I don't know if that's a conspiracy. I think it is. It's like just an error on my book. Arkansas. Arkansas.

What's the, what's a, what's a, what's a, can you give me a fact about Arkansas, Dave? Is it Arkansas or Arkansas? Arkansas Arkansas Silent 2nd S that's hot Little Rock is the capital

Little Rock I like that Little Rock Oh Conspiracy The Rock Very big It's actually a big rock

They don't want us to know They don't want us to know They don't underplay it Yes Because they're hiding Something under the rock A big key You know how you put keys

Under a rock Yeah And your front door You're hiding a big Key For a big thing What's big The White House

The White House, came for the White House. It goes all the way to the White House, baby. Whoa. We are on to you, Molly, and we are coming for the big rock. Yeah, we know you got something to do with that over in Little Rock. We're on to you. Even though she's from Searcy. Yeah, she would say that.

Sissy, Arkansas. That was fun. I enjoyed getting riled up over that. Yeah. Let's do it again. All right. Can I also thank. From Silverdale in New South Wales.

Love that. Australia. Okay. Which we know it doesn't exist, but anyway. Australia. Oh, yeah. Right. Oh, from the show that we just did.

I'd also like to thank Jenny Schmidt. Schmitt. Schmitty. I love Schmitty as a name. Schmitty is a crack and surname. Yeah. Jenny Schmidt. Okay.

Dave. Throwing you under the bus. Jenny Schmidt. Well, I think she is behind the fact that all M&Ms taste the same yet have different colors. What? Even the peanut ones. versus the crispy ones. They're all the same.

They're all the same. It's just a marketing conspiracy. Peanut butter ones? A marketing conspiracy. Caramel ones. They're young. I haven't had them. You would have thought they're good, but they're just having plain ones.

They're all the fucking same. Dave, I've cut them in half and seen the caramel. Is that all, that's all part of the conspiracy? It's all part of the conspiracy. So we're brainwashed to believe that they look and taste different. Wow. It's ridiculous. That is ridiculous.

Jenny. Jenny. I expected. better from you. And for some reason it comes out of Silverdale in New South Wales. I told you it goes all right at the top. The top of Silverdale? Yeah.

I assume you have some sort of mountain peak. Wow. Wow, that is exciting. Can I also ask some people? Yeah. Please. Let's ask some questions. Let's probe a little.

Yeah, let's fucking get to the bottom. All probes. Very conspiracy. I would like to thank from Brisbane in Queensland. I love Brisbane so much. Also in Australia. Doesn't exist. Neil Campton

Good name Neil Campton What do you feel about Neil? Neil Campton Yeah Well I'm afraid he is actually Not really a human Whoa

He's a humanoid Oh Human If you pull off his face And I wouldn't recommend doing it Because it would put you in Deep Dark Danger Deep Dark Danger

Triple D And you don't want to be there I don't want to be in You never want to be in the triple day. No. If you're in the double day, that's bad enough. Triple day. No, but no good.

I mean, no one's ever been seen again. If you take off his head, you will find he's actually a glow worm. Controlling the body with little joysticks? No. Jess, don't be ridiculous. Fucking hell, Jess. Do you remember the one where we were doing movie plots after? to the room.

He kept asking questions. I go, no. Oh, do you mean this? No? Not levers. He uses a pulley system. Ah, a glowworm puppet master. Yeah.

And he's not the only one. He's part of a secret society. And they do control. What are they called? The glow globes. Oh, wow. That's kind of cool, I guess. Yeah.

They're globes. Are they based in Brisbane? They're based. Oh my God. Yeah. Are we, is there one in this room right now? Hi guys. Oh.

Delayed. That's what they would say. I'm definitely not a glowworm. Oh. This is how I start every conversation. Oh, I does check out. He does start every conversation like that. It's a normal person doing normal glowwormy thing.

I mean, hang on. Hang on. There's no light in this room at all. We don't sit in a dark room. It's just me glowing. So thank you to Neil, your little glow worm. Do they mean harm or are they peaceful people? Well, they just keep everything cooking along.

Oh, great. Okay. Well, then I'd also like to thank from Hampton in Victoria. Oh, Bayside. Bayside. Sam Markelin? Hmm. Oh, you are asking questions.

Well, it could be Mar Collin, but it's probably Mar Collin, I reckon. I like it. Also, Colin, the name of my car. Conspiracy? No. Is Colin named after Colin Lane? Sure. No.

His name's just Colin. Oh, sorry. Dumb question. Yeah. Not everything has to be named after. Not every car is named after someone from Lain or Woodley. Yeah. Even though every time the three of us were in a car, we sing the theme song.

We sure do. God, we're cute. Anyway, back to Sam. Dave, what's this one about? What's Sam been up to? Sam is secretly... Neil Diamond What?

Yeah. Is this like a Hannah Montana kind of thing? Yeah, yeah. And he's, because you'd never expect Neil Diamond to live in Hampton. No, you wouldn't. It's a beautiful area. He does though.

Right. Because he's Neil Diamond. That makes sense. So when he puts on the Neil Diamond hair. Yeah, people go, oh, of course. And the rhinestone cowboy shirt. Yeah. If he wears those.

And that's when people. But you can take that off and he's like, oh, I'm a regular person. Yeah, exactly. Hannah Montana style. Hey, I'm Sam. Oh, hi, Sam. I also imagine he drops about 50 years of age when he takes up the bruntstones.

Very good. Yeah, they age you. I don't know why I'm guessing Sam to be about 50 years younger than Neil Diamond. Probably, though. Probably puts him in the 20s to 30s, which I think is... How old do you think Neil Diamond? 70 to 80. 80?

7280, Dave. Don't twist my words, you fucking glowworm dick. Neil Diamond. Or should I say... Sam Markerland is 77 years old. I mean, I don't know. You glow worm, dick. I thought he was about late 60s, early 70s.

Now we're saying Dave's dick is a glow worm. It's a little. I told you the light is not on in this room. Thanks so much, Sam Markleyn. You sweet Caroline of my life. I would like to thank finally to bring us home from Española in New Mexico. There's a new Mexico. Carlos Aralano or Arellano, depending if you are a Spanish speaker yourself.

That's great. That is great. Carlos is a sweet name. Oh. Carlos, Santana. I was a key of Santana. Although other great Carloses include... Richie.

Richie Carlos. No, Carlos. Carlos. Carlos Vegas. Carl from the Simpsons. It's not a Carlos. Could be. Yeah, you don't know for sure.

Why did I think I knew a lot of Carloses and now I can't think of any? Because it's a fucking conspiracy. And that is the conspiracy. Is that you think you know Carlos. You think you know Carloses, but there's only one. And his name is Caros Elayano. So if you're at work and someone's like, are you saying Carlos and you're like, which Carlos? And then they go, what do you meet?

And then you think about it. And then you go, hang on. There's only one. It's one of those Mandela effect things. You think you remember knowing lots of Carloses. But you've never met one. You've never met one. You've never met one.

Nelson Mandela, but you don't. You know Carlos. You know Carlos, the one. Are you Googling Carlos now? Matt, this has gone very long. We should be wrapping this up. Yeah, I'm just looking at all these great carlosers. And there are plenty that I know.

Including one that I don't know, basketball player called Carlos Boozer. Not a real person. Obviously, the internet just quickly made up this page. They're good. Google algorithm. Booza. Okay, guys. Come on.

I thought you were better than that. Come on. But we bowed down. to our one overlord, the one Carlos Carlos Aralano. I would also like to thank from finally, Denton in Texas. Didn't know that existed before today, but now I want to go there. Denton, Texas. Kearley Hagenbush.

Oh my God. Hagenbush. Am I saying that right, Keel. Hagenbush, nah, Hagenbush, I reckon bush, which is such a great name. This is six of the best names yet again. I mean, New World Record again. How do it week after week? God, they are good.

Finally, bring us home, Jess. What's the conspiracy concerning Keely? I thought you'd ask me, and I don't know. The two Dentons, I think of. Andrew. And Terry. Of course. So maybe an illustrator or some sort of rope-related.

Is that Denton in Texas? Yeah. Is the main rope manufacturer. Right. But they just ration it out to us because they're holding off. Oh, to keep the prices of rope high. Oh, that's a real, that's a real conspiracy. Yeah, and then, and they're just waiting for that rope shortage,

and then they're going to fuck us. With rope? With the, bump the price up even more. Right, so it's kind of like the maple syrup highest. So they're controlling the price by controlling supply. Wow. Supply and demand of rope. There's big demand.

Is there enough rope? Well, that's something they ask often. And if there is, then they're going to take some away. Yeah, then they stop sharing. They've been known to burn their own rope sometimes. Yeah. Unbelievable. Yeah, well, I believe it.

And that goes all the way to the top. All the way to Keeley Hagenbush. Hagenbush. That is genuinely one of the best. Kili Hagenbush. Oh, my God. So great. Is it potentially, is it Kili Hagenbutch?

It's B-U-C-H on the end. I like why you say it, but I bet you we're doing it wrong. But Hagen, I mean, if we're saying it wrong, Keeley, change it because we're doing it better. Hagenbush is sick. If it's like Hagenbuck, that's shit. Oh, what? Hagenbuck's great. Hagenbuck.

Hagenbch. What about Hagenbuch? Oh, Hagenbuchin. Oh. I mean, I'm changing the name, but I like it. I like where I'm going. Follow my nose. All right.

Well, we appreciate that. Glad I'm sorry and have noses. Thank you so much to everyone that supports us on Patreon. And to everyone at home, if you're still listening to this, get in contact to us via our website, do go onpod.com, suggest a topic, go to Patreon,

go to our YouTube channel, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, all that stuff, and email us. Do go on pod at gmail.com. The line is always open. Is that true? I mean,

you can email it any time. We probably won't see it straight away, but conspiracy, maybe. We've got people manning the phones. Yeah, that's right. And womaning the phones. Women can the phones too,

you know. It's 2018. But we've got to get out of here. Thanks so much for your support. And we'll be back next week with another episode. But until then, I'll say thank you. And I will say goodbye. Later.

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