Do Go On - 153 - The Toronto Clown Riots

Episode Date: September 26, 2018

What do you get when some clowns and some fire fighters walk into the same brothel? A straight up WAR. This week is a weird and wonderful story involving crooked cops, a religious order, some clowns and a bar fight. It's a lot of bloody fun! Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes:www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPodSubmit a topic idea directly to the hat: http://bit.ly/DoGoOnHat Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] tickets to our live show in Melbourne on the 13th October: https://dogoonpod.com/events/Resources and further reading: http://spacing.ca/toronto/2012/10/02/the-toronto-circus-riot-of-1855-the-day-the-clowns-picked-the-wrong-toronto-brothel/https://torontoist.com/2013/09/how-a-fight-with-clowns-led-to-the-birth-of-modern-policing-in-toronto/https://nationalpost.com/posted-toronto/new-book-on-torontos-odd-history-shows-the-city-was-weird-before-rob-fordhttp://torontodreamsproject.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-circus-riot.html?m=1 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnocky and I'm here this week. Would you believe it, with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. It is such a pleasure to be here in the podcasting studio. I'm going to say Podcastle. Oh, I wish you did now. No, I don't. I would have hate it myself.

No, I wish you said. Instead, I hate you, Dave. Podcastle. Sounds fun. Pod asshole. That sounds less fun. Jess Perkins, you know, not talking? She's shaking her head.

I mean, they can't see you shaking your head. But if you say no to you're not talking, you should say that with words. No. Got her. No, I'm not not talking. I'm not not talking. Well, earlier, Dave said that he doesn't need me and he turned my microphone off. So I'm not going to talk this entire episode.

Even though it's my report week. This is going to make for a weird app. Hand over the laptop. No, I don't trust you. I'll do the reading here. No, you'll look at my bookmarks. What are they, sexy porn? Yeah, sexyporn.com.

I wonder if that exists. Quick mat check. If it doesn't, I'll look. All right, sexyporn.com. And if it doesn't exist, that's how I'm going to make my millions. Sexyporn.com. All right. If this doesn't work, we'll try.org.

All right. Because that's more likely. Dotorg is super sexy. sexy porn.com is a thing. Oh, how sexy is it? Very unsexy. Oh, really? It's like a real estate website.

It looks pretty shit. I don't want to click on any links, to be honest. All right, try sexyporn.org. And this will be our new website. Okay, great. Matt, you up for this? No. What are we going to talk about?

We've got a Melbourne show coming up very soon, live show. Is that Bond Voyage show? You really think that Trump's porn talk? Yeah, come on, mate. Sexyporn.org, yes? It exists. Oh, no. This website is for sale.

Yes, how much? Put in a bid. $69. Your offer has been accepted. Clicked the right amount. All right, now we do have to tell everyone that we are doing a show in just over two weeks in Melbourne, a Bon Voyage show for our UK tour. That's right. There'll be details below, but there are still some tickets available.

It's going to be a real fun time. It's at Howler. A place where St Vincent has played and the Peep Temple. It's a real rock and roll venue. Are you forgetting the killers? Oh, I'm the killers, sure. And do go on. And do go on.

Do go on. We will totally be. It's our last show for the year in Melbourne. Yes, probably our last show for quite a while. Yeah, so come on down. Love to have you in. And then out. And then in.

Oh, Dave. Well, I assume you went to the bar, I got a drink, came back. Yeah, good point. From when we finish the show, we're going to jump straight on a boat all the way to the UK. Yes. And then seven weeks later we'll record another episode. So come wave us. A bon voyage.

Are we getting on a boat? Yeah, I assume so. Super cheap. Is it like a cruise fun boat? Yeah. It's a cruise fun boat, yeah. Oh, thank God. I'd get on a boat if it's a cruise fun boat.

There's a pool and water slides. Actually, I wouldn't because I don't think their staff gets treated very well. And I'd feel bad. But also I'd be like, make me another cocktail, Rodrigo. I think it's just you not treating their staff well. Ah, yes, yes. And I'd do that on land, too. You call every bar keep Rodrigo.

Imagine you turning off my microphone. I am on fire already. The strangest thing is your microphone is off. I'm that loud. Lots of... I'm squishing up my face on Matt, so I'm using his microphone. Yeah, you're going. It's like you're doing like a, you know...

Sunny and Cher. Oh, yes. Johnny Cash and... No, Cher is always your reference. Stay there. That's great. I got you, babe. Da-da, da.

I got you, babe. And we broke Matt. Hey, you guys, are you pumped up for Block Snoba? Okay, you're trying something different every time. And I love it! That's great. Because it's so hot, it's ice cold. Do you know that thing?

Anyway, Blocktober. What do we call it? I mean, you've got to register that trademark. Yeah. Blocktober. Blocktoberfest. Blocktoberfest. Blocktober buster.

Right. Yeah, that's right. Blocktober buster. So next month, which is coming up real bloody soon now, is going to be all bangers, no fangers. It's fangers bad? Anyway, it doesn't matter. They're all going to be some of the biggest topics,

and they've been decided by our listenership, which is you probably, unless you're a first time listener. And then, if that is the case, well done for getting this far in. And we'll get for the good stuff. No doubt. And that'll be coming up next week. It's nothing you have to do now except sit back and bloody enjoy.

But we can't wait to get them to you. And the whole month is going to culminate in the biggest and most requested topic of all time. It's going to be a mega episode. Mega, megal, meagal, miracle, miracle. Dave, have a go. It's saying something interesting. That was so low. Darth Vader's last breath.

Darth Betta's last fart And he's gone The people often ask How do you describe the show And we try every week And a while ago I asked our patrons

To have a go To scrubbing the show In one sentence Or two And this is the one That got the most likes From other patrons Is this one sentence or two?

Two It's from Tom Novakovic And he says Novokovic Novokovic He says the show is three comedians take

He says three comedians I'm going to read it as written Okay This is one that was most liked Yep Three comedians take in turn To report on a topic suggested by a listener One has a great beard

One has a great laugh And one is Dave Okay let's see if we can figure out Who's who there So I think the one with a great laugh is Dave Yeah I'm assuming Dave is me Yeah

And I've got the beard. Yeah. Thanks, Tom. You really. You got it. You've got it. Thumbed us up well. Yeah.

Thumbed us up the butt well. Yeah. Thumbed us up the butt well. Yeah. Oh, real good. Jess is nodding profusely. Can you nod profusely? Like not right at the last second.

Before we started. I had like written maybe a paragraph and I thought, oh, that's a question I can eat. And then I went back and I wrote it and then I put it in bold. Are you proud or what? Very, very proud. Thank you. I deserve your pride. Thank you.

Of lions. Give them to me. They're yours. Okay. They're all yours. So my question is, what two unlikely professions had a riot in Toronto in 1855? Two unlikely. So probably not wrestlers.

How about astronauts? Okay. And in 1855? And IT people. Because it's so unlikely because they didn't exist yet. You know, we got where you were going with that. You didn't explain your jokes there. That is unlikely.

Well, is that a joke? I thought he was just having a very good guess. It's also an accurate. It's not the answer. I'm going to say horses and carts because they worked so well together. True. But sometimes like being too close to something. Yeah, right.

Like you and I. Yeah. Sometimes we clash. Yeah, we do. Oh. Fireworks. No, wait, fireworks are great. Are we any way of getting...

Is there a way? Are we any chance of getting this? No, I don't think so. Because I hadn't heard of it, and it has only been suggested by one person. And the two unlikely professions are firefighters and clowns. That is unlikely. No, I would have said that is one of the most likely.

Why is that? Walk me through your logic there. Okay. Have you never seen a clown firefighter mocking the noble profession of firefighting? Wow. It was only a matter of time before they got their comeuppance. And that matter of time was 150 years ago. Wow.

Also, or less, whatever the year was. 1855. Dave, do the math. I disgraced myself last week and I. Oh, it shook you. Stop doing maths from now on. Are you shooken? I'm shooked.

You got a shook. I'm also bad at English. 163, I think. Anyway. So it was a summer of 1855. Toronto was growing very, very quickly. 40,000 people lived in the city now. And new immigrants were flooding into the area all the time.

We had the very first railway setting up. Population was set to double over the next two decades. So it's booming. It's growing. It's flourishing. It's heap. It's hop. It's happening.

Exactly. It's hot and happening. It's hot and happening all the once. But in a lot of ways, it was still. A real rough pioneer town. There were 152 taverns in the town. Wow. Plus 203 beer stops on top of,

beer shops on top of that. Beer stops. Sounds like a big pub crawl. On the way to the, oh, we better stop up for a beer at this beer stop. Oh God, yeah, you'd die in that pub crawl. Anyone would. Oh, I'd live.

203. That'd be real living. Well, yeah, depending on the rules. I mean, surely you don't have to drink at every stop. You can just look at it. Yeah. Still, that's a big day, walking. Yeah, that's true.

No, thank you. That's a lot of walking. Unless you could space that pub crawl out into like six months or something. Yeah. Just most weekends get in like 10, you know? Yeah. Have a look at them. Have a squeeze.

Yeah, just a quick look. Oh, it's a boring hobby. Just walking around looking at buildings. I'm going on a pub crawl really soon. Are you? And I'm not drinking at the moment. Yep. You're going to have a great time or a terrible time.

I'm going to vote terrible time. But that night I'm seeing Mark Lanigan play. So, you know. Swings and roundabouts, baby. And a lot of soda waters. Oh, yeah. Yum, yum, yum. Anyway, so there's lots of taverns, lots of beer, it's a drinking.

It's a rough town. One tavern and or beer stop shop for like every 30 people. Yeah, it's. I imagine some of those are kids. Great imagination. Like three kids. Probably. And on top of that as well.

Do I know what's causing it? Oh, now I feel weird saying this next sentence. On top of that as well, there were brothels. Toronto had quite a lot of brothels at the time as well. So on the night of the 12th of July 1855, members of the Hook and Ladder Firefighting Company descended on the house of Marianne Armstrong on King Street. And according to newspaper stories from the day,

this house of Maryam Armstrong was suspected of being a house of ill fame. To think Comedians that are over the hill Yeah Doing their shows from the 80s Yeah And it's like It's a bit sad

So sad And poor taste jokes Oh yeah You know like I get that it was a different time But like move with the times Yeah That's the old fame for you

Yeah Yeah That's what it was So that's exactly what's happening In this house too Firefinding at the time Was more of like a social club Rather than a profession

Just a lot of splashing each other Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of slow-mo montages. It's really fun. Having a great time. It's a frat party of firefighters. The volunteers were often rough and tumble types. There was no central public government-run fire department. There was just sort of different fire. Guys and girls. I don't think there were many girls. So when a fire broke out. Three, three. Then they were kids.

All the kids, yeah. All the kids were girls. Three young kids. When a fire broke out, all the companies who were nearby rushed to the scene with their horse-drawn engines to get their first and call dibs. So it wasn't like, well, that, not like now where you just call triple zero here or 911 and they send out a fire brigade.

This was like first in best race. A couple of weeks earlier. They're battling it out to be the first. Exactly. Well, a couple of weeks earlier, free market. The hook and ladders had arrived at a fire on Church Street at the same time as another brigade.

And a fight broke out. So while a building is burning, two sets of firefighters, people who could put out the fire, are instead fighting one another. So if you put it out, you get paid or something. Must do. Or, yeah, well, I mean, they're volunteers, I don't know. You get the glory. Yeah, maybe that's it.

It seems weird. If it's not, then otherwise, why not just sort of fight it together? Yeah, exactly. I mean, I mean, either way, just fight it together. Great. We've got two barrels of water now. Like that seems to make more sense, right? Yeah.

Burles of water. My understanding of firefighting is pretty sophisticated. Thank you. So when the police showed up at that fight, they got pulled into the brawl as well. So it was a big... Hullabaloo? Hullabaloo. It's a perfect word, Matt.

Thank you for that. In the end, the firemen were charged with assault, and the battle became known as the fireman's riot. So the hook and ladder board, were no strangers to violence. Meanwhile, a touring show from the US called S.B. Howe's Star Troop Menagerie and Circus. I struggled. Why did I struggle so hard? What did you just say?

I'm not sure. What do you say to me? Menagerie. Nailed it. Thank you. That's a place where people eat birds. A menagerie? It's where they eat birds.

As I understand it, yeah. And so it's that and a circus. Sorry, it's a collection of wild animals kept in captivity for exhibition brackets and eating. I made up the bracketed part. Right, there we go. It's like a KFC, really. So this touring show, so yes, I've got caged animals and exotic animals and as a circus, they rolled into town a couple of days earlier.

And the circus was done for the night, and the clowns had the rest of the night off. So they decided to take advantage of the local nightlife. They picked a brothel near the corner of King and Jarvis and settled in to have some fun. But the rest of the night wouldn't go as planned. When you catch up with mates and you say nightlife, where are you heading to? Probably a pub, a bar, a karaoke place.

Yep. I'd like to go see some live music. Sometimes it's just a restaurant. Sure. Have a meal and have a chat and catch up. Fair way down your list. We've got to brothel. Oh, I'm nowhere near that.

Sometimes I just like to go to their house and then we just get some takeaway, or we cook. Takeaway brothel? No, food. Okay. And we just catch out, watch a movie maybe. Oh, movies. Go to the movies.

Tenpin bowling? Bowling. Bowling. Go to a play. Go to... Arcade. An arcade is fun. Magic show. Magic show.

The weather's nice. Just go sit in a park. That's lovely. Right. You know? Cool. Yeah. Yeah, I've never caught up with Matesed of Brothel before, but I was just wondering if that was your experience too.

Yeah, Dave, what's your thing to do with your friends? I already said it, Magic Show. Right, of course, sorry, stupid question. There's only one choice for me. Yep, and we know that. Close up and magic? Yeah, oh. Up close magic.

Up close. Which you prefer. Close up or up close? Up close and personal. Yeah. I'm part of the act. Oh, yeah. I'm a volunteer.

Big time. Basically a volunteer firefighter, but with magic. Okay. So hang on a sec. Do you go to like magic shows and just like walk out onto the States? Yeah, I'm like, I assume you need a volunteer at some point. So let's cut the crap. I'm here.

I imagine you get nothing but resistance from the people you drag out of the audience. But I am willing to help you. I'm happy. Everyone, give me a round of applause. And do they? Sometimes. Sometimes they get asked to leave. I reckon people would think you're a plant.

You would have ruined some of a plant. Fern. Yeah. I am often mistaken for a fernery. A fernary? I find plants that are so weird, and unless you're going to really hide it well, someone shared a clip of Andre Rue recently,

where he's talking to someone in the audience, he's going, you're wearing all red, and then for some reason she shows her bras red as well. Do you see this? Yeah. You're not in like, I can't believe someone else has seen this. Why is this being shared around? I don't know.

I just saw it today. I only watched like half of it. So this is all I've seen so far. Can I just interject and say you're both wasting your lives? Yeah, isn't it? It's a sad indictment on what we're up to. But then, yeah, they're having this backwards and forth. She was clearly a plant, or it becomes clearer,

because he goes, I'm sorry, I'm going to have to play it. And then he starts playing some song, which is some sort of bullfighting song, I guess, because two men in a bull suit come out and come, and it's a long process. The video, I'll watch the whole video. I'm like, where? This has got to have a twist. Why has someone shared it?

And I'm guessing someone shared it to be very funny and ironic. But anyway, so the bull comes up and it gets up to her. And then she runs like it's a real bull and runs out of the stage. And then it's like pre-recorded up on the screen that she's running out. That's lame. But then again, it's from an Andre Rio show. You should see the reactions of the rest of the crowd. They are blown away.

Yeah, because it's like we were talking about last week with tennis crowds. Yeah. Andro Ryu crowds, they give him everything. Even easier than a tasker? Probably on par. I would say easier. Easier. So easy.

I'd say there's a lot of overlap. Those old biddies in his audience are frothing over him. They love him so much. Does biddy mean? Imagine Andre Ryu versus Andre Agassi. Wow. That crowd would die. Made up of small parts that seem unrelated.

Yep. Are you trying to improve your... Your lexicon. I never, because I always wonder what that means. Is it bity or biddy? I would say biddy. Oh, biddy. I'm an old biddy.

Oh, biddy. A woman, especially an elderly one, regarded as annoying or interfering. Yep. I stand by that. Cop that, Andre Roo heads. They're not listening to this. They cannot figure out how to work a podcast. And we haven't done a topic of him, and we never will.

So. All right. Next week's episode is... No. Block to be. Yeah, the most requested topic was Andre Rieu. Anyway. There was this great sketch on an old Macalph show, I think it was a newstopia, and he did fake ads in it.

He did one as him as Andre Riu. And he's just like going to plan a violin, poorly. And then he goes, he says at the end, Andre Rue, my new album, you'll never. forget it, no matter how hard you try. I'm Andre Aria. But he said it with that fun Austrian accent, whatever it is. He's Dutch. Fuck.

How do you know everything, Dave? I mean, look it up. Do you read a lot? Probably wrong. No, but like, you just seem to know a lot of things. About Ontario. No, it's just a good skill to have. Good for you, Dave.

Knowing a lot of things. That's probably about to tell me that he's not. I don't know a lot of things. You may, I believe you. I reckon you're right. I always believe you. Dutch. Dutch.

Dutch. Dutch. Dutch. Can confirm Dutch. Hello, I'm Andre Rue. I'm a Dutch. In it. I was only supposed to blow the violin's bloody doors off.

That's funny because violins don't have doors, right? Or do they? Oh my God. That's what the rest of this report is about. All right, let's crack the cow. It was on tiny violins. All the big clown heads have tuned in. It'll be getting very frustrated for this.

They'll be frothing to get to the bloody... Frothing. You haven't even got to a clown yet, have you? Basically, I think they just went to the brothel for a good night out. The clowns have gone out, and they're led by a man named Myers. And these were not sad clowns, nor were they still wearing red noses and big shoes. Sounds like horny clowns. They were horny clowns.

When they weren't clowning, like when they weren't performing, they were laborers. They were tough. They were given the hard physical labor of setting up and tearing down the circus tents as it moved from town to town. These are like big dudes. So they're big, scary looking tough dudes who have just walked into the same brothel as another bunch of scary looking tough dudes. Firefighters. Correct.

That feels like an interesting mishmash. The toughness and the clowns. and the clowning. I think of them as sort of different, I guess, you know, two sides of the same coin. And the circus was kind of made up of like other types of performers as well. Sort of like trapeat. I don't know if they had trapeas, but like like strongmen.

Acrobatts and, yeah. Then they were pissed off that the strong men weren't helping setting up the tent. Yeah. What kind of strong man are you? But it's a like, they're real rough guys and then they're clowns. They're like, laugh at this little kid. All right.

Look at my nose. Honks. Laugh at it. Laugh. I mean, we're in Toronto. Early days. Haven't got the accent yet. They're from the US.

Yeah, via North London, in it? The scene of all, where all clans are found. I don't know where that accent's from, if anywhere. It's unearthly in a lot of ways. In it. Just two go on. Unearthly. So two groups of big, scary tough guys are in the same brothel.

Of all the brothels and all the towns. Bruffle is what I just said there. My bad. Getting a bruffle, isn't it? So no one seems to agree on exactly what happened next. Some blame a particularly loud-mouthed clown, but all agree that a drunk fireman named Fraser accidentally or intentionally knocked Myers hat off.

So they all agree that he either accidentally or unintentionally. He definitely knocked off the hat. But his intentions are not clear. And Myers is the leader of the clowns. He's a leader of the clowns. You don't mess with the leader. You don't mess with the leader. Or if you want to take over the clowns, then you'd mess with the leader.

Oh yeah, it's like your first day of prison. Yeah. Shank the top clown. Yep. That's what they say. And then you're the top clown. If you were in a broth, all right, and you saw a clown have its head, hat knocked off, you'd be like, just a hat, just a hat, his head.

Hat knocked off. And you'd be like, all right, what's going to happen to you? He's going to square him in the face. All right. Get prepared to get wet, mate. All right. I reckon he's a plane. I reckon that fern over there's a plant.

Yeah. And then, um, yeah. So, uh, Myers told Fraser to pick up the hat, but Fraser didn't. And a full-blown brawl broke out. A full-brown ball broke out. What are they, like waltzing? Oh, what's happening? Andre Rue was playing.

A full-blown brawl. That's hard to say. You ever go. Full-blown-blower. Easy. Nailed it. What else? Give me another one. Full-blown brawl. Trying to be dramatic. I'm trying to tell like a Dave Warnocky kind of story where it's fun and, you know, it peaks and shit.

And I can't do Dave. It's so as excited. So he said basically, pick it up. And he's like, no way. And then. Pick up your own. Who knows, but someone threw a punch. And then it was all in.

All in. Pick up that punch. So, big brawl. Pick this up. Bang. At least two of the five. fighters had to, were seriously injured and needed to be dragged out of the brothel for safety. So it's like, they're quite violent. Apparently the hook and ladder crew eventually retreated

and the clowns were left to have a night of sleazy fun. Right. So they must have obviously won if they're just like. Well, another report I read says report, but another like retelling of the story said that the clowns had retreated and run off into the night. So it's hard to say exactly what happened. Back into their little car. All 20 of them. Probably would have been a little horse and car back then. Same joke, though. Makes you think, though, doesn't it? About how cars are quite a modern invention.

You did also at the start referred to what was a horse-drawn engine. Yeah, I'm not sure. They've got an engine and they put it on a set of wheels and then get a horse to drag it along. The first thing that was invented in the car was the engine. Oh, God, this hasn't helped us at all, all right? Get the horse to drag it. People are just sitting on this nude engine that's been dragged all that, no wheels. Very uncomfortable.

It's just a fancy set. It's worse than other seeds. It's a fancy, terrible seat. That's Henry Ford's work for you. But so, yeah, nobody is 100% sure on who retreated and who was the victor. But what we can say for sure is that the fight that night ended. It's not still going. It's not the Korean War.

Technically still happening. Can confirm it ended at some point. Whoa. Don't know how or what time or where. It kept going until they all died of old age. When their son started. People are having babies in the fight. The babies are coming out.

What I'm up? What are you got? Oh, come here, you're fucking clown. You just knock my placenta off my feet. I don't understand placentas. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up.

Put it back. Really? Are you sure? I'm pretty sure they're disposed. of these. The battle was over, but the war had just begun. The boys of the hook and ladder were stanched members of the Orange Order, as were most firemen, police and members of the Toronto political elite.

Bit a background on the Orange Order. Heard of the Orange Order? Have none. Okay, neither at I. So the Orange Order is a Protestant fraternal order based primarily in Northern Ireland. It also has lodges in the Republic of Ireland, a grand orange lodge in. Scotland, other lodges throughout the Commonwealth, as well as in the US and West Africa. Its name is a tribute to the Dutch-born Protestant King William of Orange, who defeated the

army of Catholic King James II in the Willamite Jacobite War, obviously. We all remember that one, 1688 to 1691. Yeah. That's the good war. If anybody says, what's your favourite? I say, Willamite Jacobite, get out of here. It's members. where orange sashes and are referred to as orange men.

Tough. It's a bit cute, isn't it? It's imagine a little animated oranges, handing out little glasses of their juice. Squeeze their arms and their little juice comes out. Yum. Scurvy is not a problem. The order sees itself as defending Protestant civil and religious liberties, while critics have accused the order of being supremists

and they are a strict Protestant society does not accept non-Protestants as members unless they convert and adhere to the principles of orangism orange jism is that what they said? No, that's how I said it. A lot of principles there. You got to eat a lot of orange to get orange jism.

Yeah, a lot. Six. oranges over in the course of a month. Oh, that doesn't seem like all that much. You try. Yeah, you get to four and you're thinking, God, that's one a week. Will this ever end?

So you just do like one and a quarter each week? Yeah, good, yeah, nice try. That's not quite right, is it? Is it one and a half? Well, basically, you also have to eat the skin. Oh, okay, you didn't mention that. You didn't mention that. It's the most orange part of all.

Yeah, right. And that's where we get the orange. So they don't accept non-Protestants, nor does it accept Protestants married to Catholics. Members have been expelled for attending Roman Catholic religious ceremonies. In the period of 1964 to 2002, 11% of those expelled from the order were expelled for their presence at a Roman Catholic religious events, such as a baptism, a service or a funeral. So you can't even go to a funeral of like a friend who's a Roman Catholic. Wow. Or you'll get expelled.

This is just a bit of background on orange order. This is, I guess, a fun fact. From 1921 to 1968. When from, sorry? 1921. I thought you said 1931. Geez, you really came to that Irish spirit there. I did that when I went to Ireland.

Within three hours, my internal monologue was like an Irish accent. And a guy, I was walking along the street walking into town, and a guy had a wheelbarrow. Can you tell this story with an Irish accent? No. Because the point of it is that I did speak with an Irish accent. Because he had a wheelbarrow and he moved the wheelbarrow so I could get past. And out loud, I said, huh, tanks. And then I was like, keep walking, you idiot.

It just came out. Three hours I'd been in Ireland. Three hours. Thank you very much there, sir. To all of our Irish listeners, I would like to apologise for that. And I just want to be part of you. So, between the years of 1921 and 1969, nice. Nice.

Nays. Moon landing. You say moon landing? Oh, yeah. No, 69. Got it. Woodstock. Nays.

Nays. What a year for history. Nays. Every Prime Minister of Northern Ireland was an orange man in those years. That's like 46 years, 47 years. 48 years. You're just counting up. 49 years.

50 years. 51 years. 52 years. Math. Every one of what? Prime Ministers. Of Canada. Northern Ireland.

Northern Ireland. Island. So it comes from Ireland. Yeah. As do a lot of these people in Canada now. Right. And you said, because you said their political classes also all orange. Yeah.

But so the point that I'm making here. I wonder if Andre Rieu is an orange man. Could be. Oh, I don't know. It does wear a lot of fake tan. So at its peak. which was about in 1965, the order's membership was around 70,000,

which meant that roughly one in five adults, Protestant males, were members. So it's a lot of people. And then since 1965, it's lost a third of its membership, especially in Belfast and Derry, and the order's political influence suffered greatly. Because basically,

so every prime minister was an orange man, and like 87 of the 95 MPs were orange men. That's crazy. if there's only one in five people that are men, obviously there's even more people than that voting. So why are they only electing orange men?

Control. So the orange men, it's like, it's... Yeah, but they're being elected, right? I imagine. Don't know too much about Northern Irish politics, but imagine that people are voting in the 60s.

Yeah. Well, this is, yeah. So then they start to lose since 1965, since 1965, it lost a third of their membership. And then that unionist controlled government of Northern Ireland was abolished in 1973. So as of 2012, the estimated membership of the Orange Order was around 34,000. So that just gives some context on the power and reach of this group, even in a more modern context.

But if we go back to 1855, so those firemen. That's a Wainswell and the Irish accent. Didliddy, didlid, didle-de, those firemen had a lot of friends, right? Because in those days, Toronto was still pretty much entirely run by the Orange Order. So the Firemen were all members, they hung out together at the Orange Lodge, and made sure that other orange men got all the important jobs in the city. Because then they just all help each other out. I see.

Yeah. So the police... It's not what your Orange know, it's who your Orange Know. Exactly. All the police were pretty much all Orange. men. And there was this ongoing influx of Catholic, Irish fleeing famine at home. So they're coming to what is now Canada. It wasn't even Canada then. So they... What was it? It was... I don't know. I don't know. It just wasn't fully Canada, I think. I could be wrong.

That's what I read. So there's lots of like... Well, I think they celebrated 150 years last year. Yeah. This is just before that. Yeah. So a lot of Irish Catholics coming over, which just meant that there were fights and riots between Orange supporters and the new arrivals. There were riots all the time. And like the Orange Men would be beating up Catholics.

So the day after the fight at the brothel, it was Friday the 13th. A crowd began together around SB Howe's Star Troop, Menagerie and Circus. The troop had pitched their tents at the Fair Grubes. which is a big grassy space on the waterfront, just a few blocks east of the St Lawrence Market. And there was all these farmers and merchants

who'd set up stalls at the market, and they were told to clear out because trouble was brewing. When the police chief, a guy called Samuel Sherwood, heard of the commotion, he sent six of his police constables down to deal with it. Now, there's two main resources that I've used for this part, and they have very similar information, but one is definitely written by someone really focusing

on the Orange Order part of the story. So I'll give you an example. One of them says Sherwood was a hapless non-entity who had been a tavern owner before securing his position through political connections. Okay, that seems fine. The other one says, but of course the Chief of Police, Samuel Sherwood,

was an Orange Man. That's how he got to be Chief of Police. So he was given this job. Previously... Sounds like a bloody catho. A capo. Yeah. It's what us orange people call the Catholics.

It sounds to me like a member of the Blue Man group. Get him out. Get him out. Also, the Blue Man group would favour a circus as well. Yeah. They love that shit. They love that truth. I was because I was brought up Catholic.

I always found that so fascinating that Protestants and Catholics. Obviously there's so many different reasons, but at the core of what they both. both are. It's very similar beliefs. Absolutely. But obviously it's way more like social and historical things that divide them. But it feels like it's such a strange thing that two religions basically the same are arch enemies. Yeah.

It's very interesting. And I don't fully, I've never fully understood it. I also raised Catholic. No idea. I'm pretty sure I talked about it on an episode. Yeah, but Dave, we don't listen to you. Absolutely no idea. No idea.

Never looked into it. Never heard about it. Never heard anything. One of them believes in saints and the other one does not. I wish someone would. Oh, we know the differences, but why. I don't know the differences. The reason, because one believes in saints and the other one doesn't.

Catholic is saints, right? I don't think that's why they're brawling. We like the saints, don't we? We. Go to the Saints. Yeah. They're true. First and only Premiership 1966.

That example. And asking Matt about saints. But they also, the Saints also knocked out the Gary South Shore Rail Cats from the playoffs a few weeks ago. So love and hate the Saints. Don't like the St. Paul's Saints. Those scumbags. Nah, good on them. Well done.

It was a great victory. They, you know, they grafted out. A great 3-1 victory there. But next year, your dogs. Yeah, we're coming to. The rail cats will rise again. Is that your statement on the matter? Yeah, that's official.

Okay. You can send that to the media. Oh, we are the media. We are the media. I say that often, to be honest. Well, you are the media. One of my friends, I caught up with some friends just last night, and one of them works for Toyota in like their government environmental.

Yeah, she's doing very well. Anyway, she was talking about something at one point. Then she went, obviously, that's a bit of hush, hush, though. And I was like, too late, you are speaking to a member of the media. And you didn't say off the record. Gotcha. So I was like, I've tweeted all of this. A microphone from under the table?

Oh, yeah. I always have a microphone with me anyway. Always recording. Just in case the bar that I'm at decides to turn off the music and start a bit of comedy. Yeah. Anyway, funny thing happened to me a couple of weeks ago on the way here. A lot of different setups there. A couple of weeks ago on the way here, it took me a long time to get to this gig.

And, boy, my arms. Sweaty. Oh, it's hot up here. I get a drink. I get a drink card. Are I getting paid? Probably not. Is this thing on?

Should I talk about this before now, shouldn't we? Is this thing on? Oh, the battery's around my microphone. Oh. I've got a battery operated microphone that I take with me everywhere. Well, you're not plugging in everywhere you go, I am. You can't plug in everywhere you go. Have you got a megaphone?

Is that what you go? Yeah. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I've got one of those kids' toys from the 90s where you talked to it and it made your voice that kind of echoing. Oh, I love that. I had one of those. Of course you did. What color was it?

Green? It was actually green? What? Yeah, I'm a green boy. Green boy? Oh, no more orange men I'm a green man As well, favourite colour green

There you go I said it Wow Mine's blue I'm in the blue woman group I'm also blue A couple blues We have talked about this

In the blue versus pink episode We've talked about it a lot It comes up too often To be honest For three adults To talk about their favourite colours All right We haven't said our second favourite colour

Yellow Green Oh yours don't even guys Maybe yellow You're second class orange man Third class orange man Yeah I like yellow

I wear a bit of yellow Love a mustard Oh you do big time Yeah I love a mustard I tell you what though Mustard bloody loves you Oh get out of it you bloody Nah

All right now Come on Nah No No No Come on I've wanted to say

A long time You and mustard Just go so good together I reckon you guys are great Honestly Can't tell if Matt's talking A ketchup or Jess Both

I am ketchup Why can't I talk today? You go together. Well, ketchup's not a word that I've, you know, you probably... Kepchip. Kepchip. Tommy sauce, mate. Tommy sauce.

Tommy S. Anyway, I might go on, I reckon. Do you reckon? Please. And please cut out that mustard chat. Nah, it's all staying in there. So what I was trying to get at was that the chief of police is an orange man as well and not necessarily qualified for the job that he has.

but has been given it because of his... Connections. Exactly. Shall we just say? Connections. You know, tapping your nose. Connections. Wink.

So I'm trying to say as impartial as possible, but it's probably an important thing to note anyway. By the time they got there, so by the time the police got there, it was on. The brawl had started. People were throwing stones. This isn't even the fire fighters.

This is just a mob, An angry mob has just taken over. The circus. Is it because they're enslaving animals? Is that the problem? No, I think it's because they're all orange men. Right. So this is just another angry mob coming,

be like, you beat up some of ours, now we're going to beat up you. So people throwing stones. The circus performers and the carnies were apparently able to hold off the mob for a while, but it couldn't last. Eventually, they were overwhelmed by the crowd, and when the hook and ladder boys arrived

I'm just so overwhelmed by you guys right now I can't even 12 minutes of standing ovation It's just a bit much I'm feeling so many things Thank you So much Apparently I did read somewhere that

Somebody like rang the fire bell And then the hook and ladder firefighters the ones who were in the original fight, sort of came past and then just kind of, I think there was a fire. There was something that was on fire and they let it burn because they're like, eh. And then they got involved in the brawl as well. So that's good fun. They stormed the circus with pikes and axes.

They overturned wagons. They pulled down the tents and the big top and they set fire to them. That's where the fire was. Oh, right. I think there was a fire in there somewhere. The hook and ladder boys are setting fire to stuff. They're ringing the bell and they're going, we're setting the fire. I'm not putting that out.

You really don't need to do it. They ring the bell like, damn it. Now I've got to put it out. You know we have the bell code. Feynman's code, you've got to do it. They listen to that code. Circus folk ran for their lives. Did any of them release the bears or the lions or anything?

No, I don't. I think the animals probably would have turned on them, to be honest. Right, fair enough. You know, they're captors. Finally, we can kick the shit out of these guys. We're free. So it was complete mayhem. And then the mayor turned up and things calmed down a tiny bit.

So what can remember the sash? Well, no, this is my favorite thing. I think this sentence is straight of like an Edgar Wright film. So this is a sentence about the mayor. He said, he kept a fireman from killing a clown with an axe by grabbing it out of his hands. So I'm just imagining like a mayor just in a suit casually walking through a brawl and like tagging an axe.

I'm like, and I keep that here. Enough of that. The mayor called in the, the militia to take control of the situation and only then did the mob start to disperse. So it was an absolute mess. It's crazy. Yeah. Sounds like they're real hullabaloo.

It was a bit of a hullabaloo. And following the riot, all of the police present testified that they were unable to identify any participants. Because they were orange men. One constable said that it was too dark. Couldn't see anyone. While another suggested that the riot had been carefully orchestrated to include only individuals not known to the police.

It brought in people from out of town. Yeah, is that orchestrated? Very. Yeah, that's quite orchestrated, yeah. Beforehand, they're like, do the police know you? Yep, get out. Do they know you? No, you're in.

That was it. That was the vetting process. Grab an axe. Because the police are on the, are they on the orange side or the... Yeah, yeah. The police are all orange. So they're on the car. They're with the circus.

No. Aren't the circus people orange? No. No, the firefighters, the hook and ladder. Firefighters. So everyone in the town, not everyone, but most people in the town were orange men. Wow. It does feel like that Edgar Wright movie where they're all blue people.

Hot fuzz. Hot fuzz. It does have a hot fuzz feel about it. Got that hot fuzz feel. That's a good feel. So, yeah, it was too dark or it was orchestrated, so I didn't know anyone. These very interesting memory lapses mirrored police work during other incidences

like the fireman on fireman brawl earlier that month and the ongoing Protestant Catholic street battles all those of the police were like, I'm not sure. Do they like that all the time though? Yeah. Oh, I don't know who did it? Well, yeah, because they're protecting their own.

So the fireman on fireman brawl, they're like, well, I'm not sure who was there. And then like a bunch of Catholics are getting beaten up. like, no, I can't tell you who did it. No, I did. I didn't see. Couldn't tell who it was. But they definitely probably did know.

So the press and the public protested loudly at this perceived favoritism, and an investigation was launched, and it highlighted deep problems with the city police force. Even Chief Sherwood himself had eventually shown up to this riot with the clowns, but could only claim to have stopped the rioters from setting fire to the cages of animals. Oh, that's good. So he stopped them from that. That's good.

They were going to set fire to the animals. Yeah, it seems weird, doesn't it? That's the orange people. Yeah. Oh, boy. But of the 17 people who were charged in the riot, only one was ever convicted. So it was,

people were sort of claiming that it was all a big coverer. Can you feel unlucky of you that one person? Yeah. He'd be like, why didn't I get off? Sorry, mate. Everyone hates you. Yeah. You suck.

Even the orange people. Yeah. You're the worst orange. You're the orange and poppy seed muffins that you bring to the meat. meetings. Ah, dog shit. They're terrible. They're dry and stale and wet at the same time somehow. How do you do that? How do you do that? Why do you do that? So a few months later, there was another Protestant versus Catholic riot and Chief Sherwood's memory was again suspiciously fuzzy as far as Orangemen were concerned. So people are going, was this person involved? He's like, well, I don't know.

Sounds like Scooby-Doo. Rourle. A few months after that, he was under fire again after freeing a suspect who had been accused of robbing a bank. So he's not a great cop anyway. Not even a cop. No, he's not. The police constables at the time, right,

they were just appointed at the whim of the city councillors and no particular training was offered or required. They're just like, you want a big cop? All right, you're in. The Globe No, I don't know You're in You're in

I already said you're in I was on the way home for lunch Yeah, on your way home To the police barracks You're in Your new home You orange Okay

You're in Your orange, you're in You got an orange You got a gem They're doing Kills with an orange Do you got an orange? You got an orange

then you got a gem. It's a fruit of a thousand uses, for example. Oh, God. Such a versatile fruit. Eating, one. That's one. Juicing two. Three, use it as free weights.

Four. No, et cetera. Beautiful. There was a report done by the Globe, and the inquiry revealed that once a constable was appointed, this is a quote, says he receives a baton the next day, but no instruction, whatever. accompanying it.

So we're basically like, you're in, here's your weapons. What do I do with this? I got no idea what they're doing. Do I look like a teacher? The system, this system meant that, because it was, you know, it was all to do with who you know. So this system meant that constables were far more beholden to political power than to their actual superiors. So during the inquiry, when asked, what charge do you have over the force as chief of police? Chief Sherwood replied, a very small one.

indeed. And he went on to say, I give orders and instructions to the force, but I can't get them obeyed. As soon as I'm out of sight, the men do as they please. Oh, man. You are not good at your job.

Yeah, well, it feels a little bit like, A, you're definitely not good at your job, but B, you're also deflecting blame. Yeah. I'm too, like, I mean, I can't. I am with you. They should behave better. They don't do what I tell it.

They do whatever they want. As the chief of police, I can't be expected to act as some sort of chief. Yeah. The buck has to stop somewhere And it's with all of them Not with me So

But by then There had been a mayoral election And for the first time in more than... They elected a Merrill. A Merrill? Merrill Bainbridge? Streep, obviously. I dare you.

Sorry, Bainbridge. Run her up again. For the first time in more than 20 years A Liberal Reform Party candidate had won. So the city council called for deep reforms to the way Toronto's police force was run and the government of Canada West agreed.

While the inquiry didn't change anything overnight, its revelations were the beginning of the end for the corrupt, inefficient and archaic policing system of the day. The city council made several attempts to form a policing board of commissioners, but it wasn't until 1858 that an approved board was able to formulate a new design for the police department.

So in February of 1859, the entire police force was fired. Whoa. Bad time. Although almost half of them were rehired. About time. You're fired. Half of you?

Rehired. Which ones? Work it out wrongs yourselves. Figure it out. What? I can't be, you what? All of a sudden now I have to do everything. Great.

Great. Wonderful. Okay, I've got to do inventory. I've got to sit at the reception desk. I've got a police. I've already fired the whole force. And I've been working my ass off in the last 30 seconds. Yeah.

And now what? I got to rehire him. You ever fired 8,000 people one go? Well, I just did. How do you do it? Mass email, I guess. Yeah. Do you have to get him into a big meeting room?

No, Charlie's whispers. You tell one person, they tell one person. Yeah, but whisper it. That spreads. Take one pass it along. That spreads fast. You're fired. It has a picture of Donald Trump on it.

And half of them on the back. That's a good way, 50-50. It says you're fired, PTO. And you turn over it and on and says, you're or it says seriously get the fuck out. What a rollercaster. So yeah, around half got rehired. Many of those that were rehired were recruits post-circass riot.

So a lot of the ones that were maybe still there who were sort of in the corrupt times. So there was some sort of system to the rehiring. Seems to be. It took nearly 100 years before the Orange Order Stranglehold. Stranglehold, stranglehold. Stranglehold. Stranglehold on power in Toronto was finally broken. A regulatory regime was put into place, which is similar to what is used today.

And this event is credited with influencing the current policing system in Toronto. Wow. Wow, there you go. Strangleholding in orange normally results in juice. Love orange juice. How good is it? It's refreshing. Oh, my God.

It's so yummy. I probably told you this before but I can't If I ever go to sleep dehydrated I dream of sculling orange juice You've not told us that And that's white I'll just have like hold dreams of just sculling orange juice Unlimited just neckin it

Neckin it and neckin it Wow That is so odd What does it mean? It means you're thirsty You're longing to be an orange man Honestly it's not that hard You're just thirsty

Do you drink much orange juice in your day it alive? No. I drink a glass every day and I don't have that dream. So take a leaf out of my book. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe everybody's telling me something. I used to drink it.

Then I heard that it's just like it's all the worst parts of the orange. It's all the fructose without any of the fiber. I think that's true. Dave doesn't want to believe that that's true. I don't want to believe because it's so nice in the morning. It is so nice in the morning. Every day, one glass. Just one?

You know what's better for you? Grape juice. Grape juice or grapefruit juice? Yeah, grapes's a fruit, Dave. Grape juice is wine. Is that what you're talking about? Wine? Wine, yeah.

Have a glass of wine in the morning? Yeah, a rosé or a risling. A rosé? Or a chardonnay. Or a charade. Or a chraise? Or a chrars or a conserv. Or a malote.

Do you have one of each? Yes. Oh dear. A sip of each. It's all the best bits of the grape. Do you do a wine tasting every morning? Yes. What is your life?

I do a salad? I live in a celladour. Do you have a cheleadour? Do you have a che? A cheese plate to get? Oh, best part. I have cheese on my cocoa pops. And wine.

Yes. Fuck your life is the best. What do you do? Coffee and toast, probably. At your celladour. A banana. Oh, a banana. Yeah, I have a bit of a banana.

Hmm. I'm a fancy lady. Ooh. A lady finger banana. Banana. Anyway, that was... Bona, yeah. That was the end of my report.

Banar, yeah. What a wacky story? What is wacky? And I forgot to mention who suggested that. It was suggested by Sarah Young from Melbourne. Thank you, Sarah. Yeah, we'll change your mind. Little Triple J hit for Jess there.

Yep. I'd talk your language, youth. What song? What song is that? I don't know. I don't know. Sarah Hanson Young, the Green Senator, perhaps? No, is it Diane Young?

Diane Young by Vampire Weekend. It doesn't matter. Not a great song. It's fine. Sorry everybody I'm sorry Sarah You deserve more It's just a

It's such a weird and wacky story I just remember One of my parents' favourite shows And whenever I stay at their house They're often watching It's called Murdoch Mysteries You've heard of this show Yep

It's set in Toronto In the I believe 1890s Yep And it's about the Toronto Constabulary Yep And they are often talking about Catholicism

And little religious things You've seen the show My mum loves it too Oh my parents Can't get enough of Murdo My mom just loves like crime shows Any crime shows Any crime show, she's all about it.

It's pretty good though. If you are a do-go-on listener, and it's pretty cool because I have references, like The Wright Brothers appear in it. Charlie Chaplin appears in. Tesla. I walked in on someone watching it, a real embarrassing moment. I'm so sorry, I should have not.

I mean, they were masturbating at the same time. Oh, Matt, of God, Tesla. Tesla was in, and he invented some sort of a thing that ended up being the weapon to finish the show. And then watched the last five minutes. I'm like, What a wild ride. Whoa, whoa.

There was a horse and car chase with a Tesla weapon on the back. It's pretty wild, but it's quite enjoyable. Okay, because it looked stupid to me. Yeah, I think it's dumb. No, it's a bit silly, definitely. But I wonder, if I asked my parents if there's any mention of these orange people. Orange order. The Orange order.

Do they live among us still? Yeah. They're in Australia. Right. Are we talking like... All the way to the top sort of stuff. Maybe. Any triangles?

Any orange triangles out there? I don't know. Oh, David, know about it. Oh, lizard lips, Dave. Lizard lips. Jesus. They don't even have lips? You don't have lips?

You don't have lips. Did you think you had lips? All this time. Dave, really? No, come on. Stop pissing around. You know you don't have lips. I've got scales on my face.

Oh, yuck. Stop doing that. It tastes like a lizard. Should we do what we always do at the end of the show? Yes. And thank people for listening thus far. And thanks for everyone that supports the show through Patreon. Patreon.com slash do go on pod.

That's where you can support the show. If you think it's worth a buck or two or a few every month, you can go to Patreon. And in exchange for your monetary support, we'll give you a bonus stuff like pre-sales. We'll give you a shout out. We'll give you two bonus episodes every single month. All sorts of cool stuff.

You know, we get to like to, you know, talk to our patrons, ask what, you know, get them to influence the show a bit more. So you can do that. You can be an influencer. Yes. The dream. Be our boss. Yeah.

Be our boss. And one thing Matt does is at a certain level, if you contribute every single month, you get to give us, what is it called, Matt? Fact, quote, or question. Ding. Poop. And you also get to give... You also get to give yourself a title.

This week's fact quote or questioner is Danielle Summers. And she's sticking with her title that she gave herself last time, which is this week's Ringo. Ah, we do need a Ringo. And Danielle is out. I love that so much, yes. And she's offered us a quote from Ellen DeGeneres. If you've ever been going for quotes lately, I love it.

Oh, Ellen DeGeneres. What's Ellen got to say? You have won a jackpot. This would have been appropriate potentially last week. She said, except who you are, unless you're a serial killer. Then you should change. That's what Ellen's getting at. For shame, Ellen.

She's a motive her. So she's basically saying that just so people that are serial killers can't sue her and say, Alan told me to keep doing this. When you get to her level, I'm sure that's exactly what happened. Cover your ass. Everything she says has an asterix. Absolutely. It has to.

But I mean, there's a lot of people that she didn't put a caveat there for. Yeah, what about like? What about like one-time killers, for instance? Yeah. Good point. But maybe you can accept that or move on and never kill again. Right. I guess if you're a one-time killer, yeah, you're never going to kill again.

Yeah. And accept it. That's all right, then. Except who you are. Except as you are. Danielle, is this what you were getting the meaning from this? Yeah. I hope you've enjoyed this.

Except who you are. Oh, geez, I reckon she would have delivered it differently. She would have done it dancing over a table. Except who you are, unless you're a serial killer. We'll be right back. Confetti cannon. Yeah. Celebrate good.

Come on. Justin Bieber after the break. Woohoo. Anyway, I was saying a Porsche the other day, except who you are. Unless you're a serial killer. Which I hope she's not. Because she's been hiding from me for a long time. But she is from Australia.

They're all bloody convicts down there, am I right? And seen. Bieber after the break. We're going to play Dog Dogg, Horse or Bieber? A crazy thing like that. Dog, dog, horse. We're going to ask Bill Gates how much he pays for milk. Good fun.

Dog dog. Is it dog, comma, dog, or is it Dogdog one answer? I think it should be two dogs, horse or beeper. Yeah. Of course, sorry, I should have known. Who said this? Baby, baby, baby, oh. Who's that two dogs?

A horse or Justin Bieber? Ooh, thinking music. Who pooped on this rug? Dog dog dog, horse or Bieber? Bieber. Beber is correct. He won't a car. Bad boy.

And then they hit Justin Bieber with a newspaper. Anyway, let's thank some Patreon. Let's do it. Thank you, Danielle, first of all. I think we should name, oh, okay, I was going to say, like, pick a color and give them some kind of order or group, but maybe it would be more fun to put them into occupations and who they would brawl. Okay, great, yeah. Is that better?

Well, we could group two together. Yeah, that's what I think. All right, so we'll give, I reckon, okay, great. All right, how about this? Can I thank somebody from Texas? Oh, please. Texas in the United States of America, Morgan Clark, Morgan Clark. Morgan. Morgan. Morgan Clark.

Accountant. Oh, Jess, from me, that's stinging. Well, I'm just saying. There's a slap to the face. I don't mean it. I like accountants. Okay, so it's not a slap, then is it? Well, if I said accountant, that would have been a compliment.

All right, can you say accountant then, please? Because that's the feeling I'm getting here. I'm going to say accountant. Ah, okay. Morgan, I'm going to say Sassy accountant. Sassy accountant.

So every, every, they'll ask for, for your, what have you got to deduct this this year? And then I'd say, oh, here's my list of, I bought this computer. Mm-hmm. It's a Dell. Oh, I'm sassy. And then he's...

But you just did the other bit before where you said, what are you going to deduct? I mean, let's not ask questions now. Adele. Now you're the account. All right, great. Adele? You think you can claim that? More like Adil?

Oh, okay. That's just mean, not sassy. It's quite sassy. I mean, this is just confirming my thoughts on accountants, isn't it? Thank you so much for doing all your work. Here's a basket of fruit. What do I look like? A member of Agent Orange or whatever that thing is?

You'd have been sassed. I don't think it was Agent Orange. Let's be honest. Can people from H&R Block make jokes better than that? Probably not. Oh, definitely not. I'd also love to thank from Henderson in NV. NV.

What could NV be? Nevada. Nevada. Nevada. Oh, it would be Nevada, I guess. Henderson, Nevada. That's where Las Vegas is from, I believe.

That's true. Where Las Vegas is from? It is Nevada. I love to thank Tiger Lapira. Oh, okay, so Tiger. That is a great name. It's a great name. Tiger is.

Morgan Clark v. Tiger Lapira. Accountant, V. Horse. Whisperer. Oh, okay. I guess horse is an earth. I don't know if I fell out of saying, what are we doing here?

What is this? Horse Whisperer. Horse Whisperer. Horse Whisper versus, oh, imagine, you've got, so whatever you got on each other side, the horse whisper can be like, and then horses will come and take on the accounts, but what can the accountant summon? Pensils? Yeah, calculators. Abacus.

The IRS. The Arsenae uses metal. Accountants can do the same with pencils. I don't remember saying they had magical powers in any of these contexts. Bring in the IRS, they can shut down anything, baby. Oh, even a horse. I'll shut down a horse all right. I've also done any horse business from this side of Texas.

No, probably. Which is Nevada. You're done. Don't you even bloody worry about that, mate? I will no longer worry. Well, I would like to thank a couple people as well, if I may. Morgan, Fee Tiger. Who wins? Morgan.

Yeah, accountants. Yeah. There's more of them in the world than horse whispers, isn't there? Tugl the fear of the horse whispers. I would like to thank from London. Hopefully we will see you at our live show very soon. I like to thank Orgy M. Orgy M. Mystery.

Mystery last name. Augie M, Augie M. March. March. Marching band. That's their occupation? Marching band conductor. They're from, oh, great stuff. So it's all conductors? Yes.

At some sort of a conductor convention. No, I'm sure they have their band. Oh, the bands of them. I mean, well, the clowns weren't just the fire. You know, oh, well, I guess the firefighters were just fire fighters and clowns, just clowns. Hmm. Hard.

No, I like that. So they're conducting like, Tuberman. Yeah. Take on them. The guy's name is Grant Tuberman. He plays the violin. What?

Did you get a fright, Dave? I got a big fright. Did you think that bottle was a gun? Oh, I thought it was a glass gun. Oh, dear. You're a bit of an idiot, aren't you? Orgie, save me. So Orgie is conducting the marching band against,

From Singleton, New South Wales. Oh, Jonathan, Wheelhouse. Ooh, what's in his wheelhouse? Singleton. It's a solo operator. What's a solo? He works for craft. Singles.

Singles division. He's a cheeseman. He's a cheesemaker. Cheesemonger. Cheesemonger. Cheesmonger. So it was a cheesemonger versus marching band.

I wonder who will win. I'm going to say marching band. They're going to march all over that shit. Yeah, sorry Jonathan, but Augie and his marching band have kicked your butt. They're going to crush you, man. They have destroyed you. Coss. But don't, you know, sometimes it's not that great to always work solo.

If you had more people behind you, maybe this wouldn't have happened. That's what I'm saying. Dave, would you like to thank some people. All right, I would like to thank from Doncaster in South Yorkshire. Alice Middleton A Duchess of Cambridge impersonator Is there a union of them? How many are there?

Heaps. There would be heaps with them there. Obviously, yeah. And is Alice Middleton one of the better ones? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Spot on. Top notch. Alice.

Uncanny. Thank you so much for your support from Doncaster in South Yorkshire. And you were going to have a fight with... What kind of events do you require such a I think Kate doesn't want to go to. Oh, right.

So like a fill-in. It's not like... Body double. She's a body-double. She doesn't do footy club. Full body. I thought it was going to be stuff like that, like a fake award ceremony.

So did I, but now I've changed it to body double. Oh, so that she's actually employed by the Queen. Yep, for safety. Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah, take a hit. It's a noble. You put yourself on the line every time. Yep.

You go into a school and you have to listen to people talk for hours and pretend you care. It's amazing. I would also like to thank from Lonseston in Cornwall. My God, we've got rival counties going at each other here. I would like to thank George Francis. George. George Francis. Who is a bungee jump instructor.

Oh, love that. Love that. Versus the Duchess's body doubles. Once again, I feel like there's going to be more bungee jump instructors in the world. Yeah, plus if what's happening, like, If the impersonators are on some sort of a inner valley. Yeah. And the bungee jumpers are coming at them from above.

They could just dip down, punch them in the head and be gone. Oh, they got. And they're, where they go? Oh, I love that. And they're back for more. Are they gone again? How are they doing this? They're coming back increasingly fast.

Now they're just hanging there, punching me in the face. What's happening? George. Help me. Thank you so much, Georgie boy. Appreciate that. Orgy, and by the way, is Augie Marignia. That's probably not quite right, but closer to it.

Augie, Marrignya. Oh, Marania? Was that worth them? Well, I just thought she might have, or he might have been like, oh, why'd they not say my name? Yeah, no, of course. That's not just us giving up on the name. We tried and failed. So whether or not you think it's worth it is probably moot.

It's more about Augie. You are correct. I'm sorry for ever sassing you. Well, that does bring us to the end of another. episode of Do Go On. Thank you very much for joining us. As always, if you want to get in contact, all the links and everything are in the description of this episode or one place to suggest a topic or link to anything including

Patreon is do go onpod.com. Is that our website? Yes. Do Go On Pod on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and... Butts. If you see a butt... Just yell, Do go on pod! Add it.

Also YouTube. And you're Slash Google on pod. Yes. That comes after buts. There's also a podcast called Primates Podcasts, which we're doing about primates in popular culture. And you should check it out.

There's a YouTube channel for that as well. Primates, Pr-I-M-E-M-A-T-E-S pod on YouTube and also on Facebook and Instagram. And probably more importantly, it's on all the podcasting apps and Spotify and such. Yes, it'd be great to check it out. I'm on every episode, David Jess, on pretty bloody regularly.

And we're friends. We're going to be back next week here at Duga 1 for the beginning of Blocktober Buster. Buster, Buster, Buster, Buster. Is that what we're going with? Okay, Blocktober Buster, it's locked in, TN. I think next week I'll have a, you know, someone will probably have told me something better by them. But at the moment, that's what I'm going with.

Bloctober, Buster, Buster, Buster. I'm doing the echo because I don't know how to edit that into the podcast later. I thought we're doing it now live. Yeah. People probably would have thought that you'd done it in post. Yeah, very talented. I'm like that guy from Police Academy. I can make funny noises.

Michael Winslow. I didn't hear anybody laughing. Did you? Me or me or me? That's a siren. That was so good. You didn't even have to explain it to me. Thank you.

Do a chainsaw. Now a man of a thousand noises. Matt, do a chainsaw. I was just about to say. say just stepping on my toes a little there. Really going for us. And they all did sound kind of like the things that I went to sell? Which is a sort of against the spirit of a.

Do a chainsaw. You're just talking your way out of it now. Oh, that chainsaw needs to be looked at by a technician. Yeah, it sounds like a tiger being trapped in a flamethrower. Yeah. Is that tiger okay? Sorry, that tiger and the flamethrower was right next to the chainsaw. Do you wanted the chainsaw next? Yeah, chainsaw please.

Ready? Here it is. Oh, okay, that's a baby tiger. Very scared because its parent has just been trapped in it. Yeah, and burned alive in front of it. I think I'm misunderstood again. What did you want me to do? A chainsaw.

Chop me down a tree, maybe. No, baby tiger. Oh, geez. Chainsaw. Okay, great. No baby tiger. That's an elephant. He's never going to be able to do it.

It's an elephant chopping down a tree. I mean, same job. If you could just put it in a plain English, what you're asking? asking for and I'll give it to you. An electric chainsaw. Oh, okay, sure. Not oil powered, electric power. Right, electric.

Okay, ready? Those is plugging in, all right? That's what plugging in sounds like. Is there a draft outside? Yes, there is. Sorry. Now on with the chainsaw. Here we go.

Oh, God. He's done it again. That was amazing. No, so that last one was the... I actually hit under the table. Not that that would be much protection from a chainsaw, but very well done. That was scary.

You never know which way the tree is going to fall. Okay. Well, until next week, we'll have some more noises. But until then, I'll say thank you, and goodbye. Ladies. Bye! This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

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