Do Go On - 160 - The Disappearance Of Agatha Christie

Episode Date: November 14, 2018

This week's episode is brought to you by Audible. Go to audible.com/dogoon or text dogoon to 500 500 to get started today.Our first show recorded on our UK tour is all about Agatha Christie. She's the best selling novelist of all time and the definitely the queen of the murder mystery genre... But in 1926, she created a real life mystery when she suddenly dissapeared from her home, resulting in one of the largest manhunts in history. Where did she go and what did she do? Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Twitter: @DoGoOnPod Instagram: @DoGoOnPod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/ Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts: Book Cheat: https://omny.fm/shows/bookcheatPrime Mates: https://omny.fm/shows/prime-mates REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.historyextra.com/period/20th-century/the-mysterious-disappearance-of-agatha-christie/https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2006/oct/15/books.booksnewshttps://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/05/08/mystery-agatha-christies-disappearance-solved-author-suggests/https://www.historic-uk.com/HistoryUK/HistoryofBritain/The-Curious-Disappearance-of-Agatha-Christie/The Mystery Of Agatha Christie with David Suchet (ITV)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTTewFEW4EQhttps://www.biography.com/people/agatha-christie-9247405https://www.agathachristie.com/about-christiehttp://agathachristie.wikia.com/wiki/Curtain Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnocky and I'm sitting here at a beautiful table with the beautiful people, Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. Hey Dave. Hey, beautiful people. Beautiful people in the United Kingdom we are right now. Isn't that crazy? It's so weird. And this table is glass, so I can see Dave's beautiful legs.

Yeah, he's not wearing any pants. Tailored legs. My tailored legs. Yeah. Dave refuses to wear pants as soon as we cross the threshold of the Airbnb that we're staying. And Matt and I respect his lifestyle choices. And when we cross it by me carrying Dave across the threshold. He's a gentleman.

I'm having deja vu. Have we done this before? Oh, my God. I'm having full-on deja. Dave Javu. Whoa, this is tripping me out. Nothing. Dave Javu is great.

All of this is feeling like De Javu. I think you're hungry. Oh. Well, basically, we're just dropping in here at the start of the episode to say that we are halfway through our UK tour at the moment. We've met lots and lots of people. People have been hanging around after the show. It's been an absolute treat.

Yeah, it's been amazing. People are so lovely. It's been really, really great. And the episode you're about to hear was recorded live in Leeds. And what a fantastic crowd they were. It was a great fun time. Oh, yeah. That was a really cool venue as well.

And just everything about it was fun. Yeah. Around now, if we're going in real time, I'm doing about 10 push-ups backstage, which Dave unfortunately revealed to the audience because that was a private thing. Yeah. I was doing a parody of someone who's about to go out to a show.

That was meant to be a little joke for Dave and Jess. Was that a parody? Yeah, I was doing a little bit. It was a bit. I did not get parody. I do not get parody. That's a good bit. If you don't get bits, that's fine, but that is a good bit.

Well, let's let the audience discover it for themselves. We'll be back at the end of this episode to thank some Patron, some people from our Patreon. But until then, please enjoy this episode recorded live in Leeds. And thanks again for everyone that's been coming so far. And we cannot wait to meet the rest of you. Yeah, hopefully the rest of you come real soon. All right, I'm in the show. Hello!

Thank you so much for coming out. Welcome to another episode of Dugo on. This one recorded live. at the wardrobe. My name is Dave Warnkeen. It's not just me and you here. Please give it up for Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart. Yeah. Hello. This is awesome. This is very fun. And I don't know if anyone saw that, but I spilled my beer all over myself on the way out. Very rock and roll. Yeah, very rock and roll. I was tempted to tip it all over myself.

But that'll be the finale of the show. Look forward to that. Look forward to that. Oh, here we are in Leeds. Matt's sitting down. Yeah, Matt's doing it. Yes. I'm not going. I'm not weak. I'm weak. I'm going. I'm going. Everyone in the room sitting, Dave. You just called 200 mad English people weak. Sorry.

Look at them. They're furious. Really quietly furious. Foaming at the mouth. That's okay. Get that checked out. Okay. Up the back, how you doing? One hand, like. Yeah, one hand from the darkness.

That's very cute. Oh, so, so great to be here. Give me a round of applause if you are from Leeds itself or very close by. I mean, there was like maybe half a second of, am I from Leeds? All close by. That didn't feel like a huge majority. Give me a round of applause if you're not from Leeds or close by. I mean, that's very cool that you've travelled, but we've come 24 hours.

We came for 24 hours. And we are exhausted. So where are we from then? Brighton. Brighton. Lots of people from Sheffield? I did just hear London. Do you know we're doing two shows there?

Whoops. Brutal to find out this way. Sucked in, Dickhead. I've started drinking early in a day. Now, one thing I always do at the start of the shows, and Matt loves it when I did this. Well, yeah. I say that because you had to remind me to do it

when we were in Edinburgh a couple nights ago, which was a very, very fun time. Give me a round of applause if you've ever heard our podcast, Do Go on before. That is a relief. Okay, I know, imagine if you just wandered into this dark room all the way from London. It'd be amazing.

Give me a round of applause, and don't be shy if you've never heard Do Goa One ever before. It looks like it's you. There's a couple But also The flare with which she clashed Yeah, it was like this Yes, don't it

That's great That's awesome Thank you for obviously being a tag along Or just walking into a dark room Isn't it a weird gap Between us and you That was nice That felt good

She was foaming at the mouth earlier I wouldn't touch your hand I'd wash your hands Sure Is this what you wanted to see Is it, are we doing it yet? Yeah? No, but that was a, yeah?

I think I'm happy? I think I'm happy. Yeah, I'm not sure what it is. Matt did ten push-ups backstage before we came out. I don't know if there was ten. That was quite impressive. That was a private conversation, Dave. When you told me you did ten push-ups, that conversation was private.

Okay, well, for the people that haven't heard the show before, basically we do a report on a topic suggested by a listener, and this week, it is, my turn to do a topie. Yeah. It's hard not to find that joy hurtful. Give me a round of applause if you don't want it to be Jess or Matt doing the topic. No, don't.

You know what, us either, to be honest. But you guys have more fun when you're not reporting. We really do. Yeah, I don't. It feels like I've got nothing much to do here. I'm thinking about heading back to the green room. Doing a few more push-ups? His four.

was excellent, I should say. Slow, in control. It was... I mean, we do have this space on the stage. Maybe later, his arms are a little bit tired, yeah? Yeah. Obviously, very good for a podcast, doing a bit of quiet exercise on the floor. How about we all pretend?

Oh, look, he's going. Wow. 79? 106. All right. I can't count. I did have several people message me directly asking who was doing the report today, and I can't help it feel they wanted it to be you. There was a certain subtext.

Because I won't buy tickets if it's two out of three. Okay, so my report. We always start with a question to get us on the topic. I'm going to throw it over to Jess and Matt, and if they can't get it, then I'll throw it over to you lovely people. If we can't get a thing. All right, question. Which author?

Oh, okay. Okay. I like it, all right. Okay. I'm a man that respects a comma. I mean, I can see your page now, so. Which author disappeared in December 1926? Oh, it's the old lady.

You know the one, Poirot, man. She was not an old lady at the time, I can tell you that. Well, she is now. I assume? If they found her, what's her name? Agatha? It is Agatha Christie. We did it.

Another one for me. Well done. Jess, did you have any idea that she disappeared? No, I read it on your page when you showed me your thing. So I stayed respectfully quiet. Thank you. Yeah. Did she write these old people books when she was young?

Well, she had a prolific life. Cannot wait to hear about it. Any Agatha Christie fans in the crowd? today? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You had no choice.

Mom made you watch it. Yeah, mom made you watch it. Anyone, I'm a big, big fan of the Poirot series with David Souchet. I imagine that he is your superstar here. Any sush heads in? Yeah, come on. Is Sush in tonight? That would make my life.

David Soushay? Okay, he's not here. All right. To put it into context for people who don't know Agatha Christie, she's sort of like England's Shakespeare. I think that's right. Yeah, I think that's right. You'd explain that so well. So she's one of the greatest mystery writers of all time, and she created one of the most intriguing real-life mysteries when in 1926 she disappeared.

This is her story. Bum-bah. Oh, I've got to tell you, I mean, this kind of ruins the thing I'm building there, but this topic has been a bit. suggested by a few people. Edward McCann from Dublin. No one? You're going to do it with everyone? Okay, yep.

Emma from Auckland. Did Emma make it over? It's probably just as long a journey. Siba, our most prolific Icelandic listener. Seba in? Is Siba here? I love this one. Chris Williams, who just wrote, I'm from the UK.

Chris? I really want someone to be in. There's someone in, look. What? Me from Glasgow, who also suggested the iron brew topic I did in Scotland two nights ago. Me. There you go. And Anastasia from Jersey City, New Jersey.

Are you in? Okay, very enough, there you go. So this is the life of Agatha Christie leading up to that mysterious. I was going to say, mysterious. I was going to say, mysterious disappearance. Agatha, Mary Clarissa Miller. Agatha. Well, I'm locked into saying that for about the rest of.

the hour. Agatha Mary Clarissa Miller was born on the 15th of September 1890. Thank you. How does that accent? A good year. It's so much better than when we have Ozzie's

like. Yeah. Like we could talk. Like out. Anyway, yeah. I was being genuine, Jeff. No. Me too. You're a mean-spirited person. She was born in Torky in in a comfortably well-off middle-class family. Her father, Frederick Miller, was a wealthy New York-born stockbroker.

Her mother was the British-born Clara Miller. She was the youngest of three siblings. She was mostly homeschooled by her parents, although her mother had a weird thing where she decided that Agatha shouldn't be allowed to read until she was eight years old. Okay. I wonder why eight.

I don't know what happens at eight. Have I told this story on the podcast? You couldn't read till you're eight. I still can't read. A friend that I went to, a friend that I knew in school, he got married and had a few kids. And his first, oh, he won't, no, he won't listen. Is he in tonight?

His first child was called Eleanor. And I was asking if they call her like, Ellie or anything. He goes, no, no, no. We won't call her Ellie until she's five. We want her to know her real name. They've had two more children since. Like, they shouldn't breed. But, um, because I somehow, I must have been a child genius,

because I figured out that my name was Jessica. I just figured it out somehow. But Eleanor, not right. Your name's Jessica. Yeah. Huh. That's cool. Yeah.

Well, Agatha was also a very clever child. She ignored her mother and taught herself to read by the age of five. Do you think it's because all the books in their house were porn? Not till you're right. So I think that's a good rule. I think that's a good rule. No porn till you're right. Yeah.

Yeah, I agree. At least. At least. Yeah. Kids these days. Getting into porn too early. Personal experience? I'd rather not say.

Okay. Despite this weird rule, Agatha described her childhood as very happy and she thought herself lucky to have a wise and patient nanny, named Marie. She also had a pet dog called George Washington.

Yes. I met a dog the other day called Bill Murray. I just like dogs with full names. Oh, awesome. Yeah. Was George Washington any relation to the

President of America? Great grandchild. That is fascinating. I'm never having a real proper education and due mainly to boredom, Agatha found herself making up stories and acting out the different parts.

There's nothing like boredom to make you right, she would later say. Her father, not well since the advent of financial difficulties, died after a series of heart attacks when Agatha was 11. Heartless. One of you was correct. She describes this as the end of her childhood as the family went through financial strain.

David Souchay, you're a rock star. The actor who played Poirot in the TV series speculates that that may be the reason that in over half of her novels, money is the motive for murder. Her mother, Clara, was just... Spoilers. Oh, sorry, sorry, there's a lot of murder.

In her murder mysteries. Would you believe it? Her mother was distraught over her husband's death and Agatha became her mother's closest companion. So fuck you to the other two children. Agatha, studied for a time in... Agatha? I'm getting to it again.

Studied for a time in Paris and was a gifted pianist as a teenager. What? No pianist till you're eight. I'm sorry about that. I love this. Agatha Christie's website, her official website,

now claimed she would have been a professional, but her extreme shyness in front of strangers prevented this from happening. Bullshit. Bullshit. Oh, I could. I just don't like attention. I could have, yeah.

I could have won like seven Academy Awards. if I could act. Just that one little hurdle. Cannot believe it? Is that a quote from David Suchet? Yeah. Can you believe he's never won an Academy Award? Robbed. Can you believe it?

Robbed. No. Yes. Sorry, too genuine. Too genuine. Too real. Her mother, Clara's health, demanded that they moved to a warmer climate,

and for three months they lived in Cairo as you do. During her time there, Now age 20, she went to lots of parties and wore lots of evening dresses. Again, a quote from actor Chrissy's website. Apparently, she was a bit of a hit and she met lots of other British expats and knocked back five marriage proposals. Yep. Been there. What's the marriage proposal count up to now?

Eight. Wow. Yeah, no marriage to your eight. I mean, the rule, it's a very versatile rule. It really is. Next one Gonna do it So she's knocking back

Marriage Reprosals left right and centre That was until a young Hot Shot pilot named Archie Christy Came into her life in 1912 They met at a dance The Kurtchip Courtship was a whirlwind affair Both were desperate to marry

But had no money of their own Oh it's good when you're both desperate Isn't it? That's when romance really flies I need that this. I need this to work. I mean, I didn't even have to act that. That was a direct quote for my own life.

So it's this. He was a very attractive man. See a lot of myself in this man. Who her mother didn't want her to marry as she didn't think he'd treat her properly and was worried that he was attractive to women and a bit of a player. Sadly, her mother was very right. As we will later discover.

Why you should always marry an uggo. Mark it down. It's a rule. You did look right into my eyes as you said that. You'll be fine, Matt. Nah, good on you. According to Christie's autobiography, it was, quote, the excitement of the stranger that attracted them both. The strangers when you sit on your hand.

I feel like you guys know what that. I don't have to. elaborate any further come on I know that all too well I know that technique I'm petting myself as the lonely I know but like

when I start to pity you you've gone too far I need this I need this talking to my own hand nice to meet you and then what do you do a few push-ups get in the zone.

Being a pilot, in 1914, Archie went to fight in World War I. He was in the Air Force and convinced he was going to die. They got married in secret whilst he was on leave. They met infrequently during the war years, and it wasn't until January 1818 when Archie was posted to the war office in London that Agatha felt her married life truly began. Okay. I don't find the idea of like long-distance marriage, you know?

It's like getting married and not seeing them for four years. Perfect. I mean, you work out if you want to be with them by the end of that, don't you? Makes the heart grow stronger, fonder, whatever. Whilst he was away, she volunteered as a nurse at a hospital in Torquay. Often quite gruesome, it really shocked the upper-class young lady. It was during the First World War that Agatha turned to writing her detective stories. She was at least partly inspired by her sister, Madge, who bet her that...

I know, it's funny. It's funny. Madge and Agatha. Beautiful names you have over here. Madge. Madge and Agatha. Madge. Madge bet Agatha that she couldn't write a good detective story.

What a... Supportive. I hope Madge felt like a fucking idiot. For the rest of her life. You'd be like... Yeah. Come up that, Madge. Mudge.

Sucked in, Madge. Why didn't Madge... Dare her to become a piano player, huh? Because she wasn't good enough, that's why. Well, you know the truth. This is all happening whilst Christy was working at the hospital, where she came into contact with Belgian refugees, and this inspired her to create the world's most famous detective,

a Mr. Hercule Poirot ever heard of him. Fair enough. How about David Suchet? Oh! Oh, Souchet. He's a rock star here. It's such a rock thing. I reckon there'd be a few people in here with sushi tattoos, I reckon.

And he... Hold on the back. His big face. We have been talking about getting a tattoo on this tour, and Matt suggested that we do get matching Poirot-themed tattoos. Yeah. And honestly... I remember saying this real well.

What else... Go on, what else? I'm not adversely idea. One of us gets the sushi. mustache another one gets inspector jab hastings i mean jessie's was really keen on the idea i've never seen it oh yeah and i'm the other girl what's the other guy i'll be that girl is it greg okay yeah gregory hastings okay yeah gregory hastings uh arthur hastings so close shit i've already it's too late but i've already got it gregory and bold

this is the word gregory gregory Check out my Poirot tattoo and says Gregory. I'm still open to the idea. So all this is happening. She's meeting Belgian refugees and she creates Hercules during the war. He debuted on her pages in 1916 in a novel that she called The Mysterious Affair at Stiles. It was, as novels often are, rejected several times. But eventually, it was published in 1920.

So it took four years. Yeah, it took a bit of time. Wow. The book set up many of the tropes she would be famous for. It was set at, again, spoilers if you don't like hearing the tropes. It was set at a wealthy country house with many possible suspects. A murder by poisoning. Stop looking at his lips.

50% of the murders in her books are by poison. She developed her fascination with poisons during her time at a dispensary during the war. As a snake. She lived her mid-20s as a snake and She got her knowledge of poisons by training as a pharmacy assistant And that gave her a bit of the inside scoop for the rest of her writing days So that's the war Archie came back This is the hot shot

The Dave Warnocky of the story, if you will He came home at the... I will not Matt will you? I need this he came back at the end of the war and took up a job in London where they had just enough money to rent a flat

later that year on the 5th of August Agatha gave birth to their only daughter, Rosalind Rosalind Better than Madge It's a little bit better than Madge It was also this time that the mysterious affair at Stiles with Poirot was taken on by a publisher who also contracted her to write five more books

So it's all happening now In 1922 leaving Rosalind with her nurse and her mother, she and Archie travelled across the British Empire promoting the Empire exhibition of 1924. In Cape Town, South Africa, she became one of the first Europeans to learn to surf standing up. I guess before that it was,

do you guys call it boogie boarding here? I heard a definite no. But also an enthusiastic, yeah. So I think she's just being polite. On one of their many surf beaches over here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the lead surf like? Strong.

Strong. She may have been the first female of Britain to achieve the feat of standing up while surfing. All I'm hearing in my head is na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na. And you're imagining that old woman that we all know Agatha Christie has? Yeah.

That's all I can see right now. And it's great. I love her. So that was a. that was the biggest achievement of her life in 1924. In 1925, Christy and her family left London for Sunningdale where they lived in a house named Stiles

after her first novel. She also got her first car and everything was going great. She changed publishing deals and continued to write and in the novel, The Mercher, also Murder, of Roger Ackroyd, she was the first writer to have the murderer be the narrator of the book.

I feel like things are going a little too well for her. Oh yeah. She was at the top of her game and always ahead of the curb when it came to the crime genre. Everything was going a little too well. I just called that. Sorry I wasn't paying attention. Money was now coming in with a young daughter and husband

it all seemed to be going swimmingly, but Agatha I wrote here. Okay. Or surfingly. Didn't write that, don't worry. Don't worry. Thank God. In her autobiography, she writes, quote, the next year in my life is one that I hate

recalling. So often in life, when one thing goes wrong, everything goes wrong. Is that a threat? Do not let one thing go wrong because it's all going wrong. I'll just do that any time you need to sip. Oh, please.

I mean, but really make... Just let me get to the keychain. It makes drinking beer way more exciting. It's... and more extreme. All right, it's not hard to see why Christy disliked next year in our life. First of all, her husband Archie, who did turn out to be a massive player, started carrying on with golfer and friend of the family, Nancy Neal. I love this line from Agatha Christie.com. Archie was a keen golfer. Agatha, not. That really makes

it feel like it's her fault. Well, if you'd been into golf. This is the same year that Agatha's Mother Clara died, and she was devastated by the loss. So there's two hits already. Agatha was in charge of clearing out her childhood house where she grew up. And she was doing this one day when Archie turned up and announced that he was having an affair with Nancy Neal and that he wanted a divorce. For Agatha, this was all too much.

What a dog. What an absolute dog. George Washington. Sorry, I zoned out for a bit. Are we talking about George Washington again? What a dog. You thinking about George Washington? Yeah.

What's he doing? He's doing little flips. That's cool. He's surfing. Wish it had a sip. On Friday, December 3rd, 1926, Agatha Christie got up from her armchair and went into a sleeping daughter's room

and kissed the now seven-year-old Rosalind goodbye. Oh, one more year to porn. Hang in there, Rosalind. We all remember our first porn Tell us about yours Oh wanka Wanka waka waka waka waka Look I had a crack there

But I mean That was me trying to do Porn surf music Huh? That did translate That was great Thank you Waka waka waka

What are you doing with your hand I'm slapping slapping my dick That is regret face. You've got the... You've got one of the lowest voices of anyone I know, and even when you play your dick, it sounds like a bass guitar. He was travelling with his bass guitar.

Turns out those noises we can hear from his room are very different. Oh, we share to ruin that first night. I'm sorry. I was like, oh, he's just listening to the red-op chili peppers again. Oh, no! No. When you feel the funk, Dave. All right, so she kissed Rosalind goodbye.

Then she climbed into her Morris Cowley car and drove off into the night. She was reported missing by her family the next morning. Bit eager. She could have just popped out for milk. Got to wait a certain amount of time, don't you? How long would you wait? Wait, who's gone missing?

Because it's a different answer for each person. Agatha Christy. Oh. Poor, a week? Yeah. I haven't seen, anybody who's seen, eggs? I'd call her eggs.

You call her mag. Anyway, it didn't take police long to locate her car several miles away abandoned in a remote location called Newlands Corner. There was no evidence of the car having been involved in an accident. Her coat and driver's license

were on the back seat, but Christy was nowhere to be seen. Police were immediately worried in her disappearance would spark, one of the largest man hunts ever mounted. Agatha Christie was already a famous writer at this time and more than 1,000 policemen were assigned to the case, along with hundreds of civilians.

A thousand policemen? Yeah. That's all of them. I mean, it would have been a great time. Surely. Great time to commit a crime. Is that all the cops? Yeah.

Wow. Yeah, all the cops. 300 men with dogs also searched for her. Yeah, okay, great. And it was the first search. So it was 301, we'd have to shoot one of the dogs. I'm sorry, 300. Great, proceed.

Don't worry, it was 300 exactly. That's because they shot a couple of the dogs. Sorry. It was also the first search to use aeroplanes. Oh, how? Two airplanes. No, I didn't say how many. Said how did they use them?

Looking out the window. Oh, yeah. She's not down there. Oh, that could be here? Oh, that's an ant. Oh, we're not even off the ground yet. I haven't been in a plane before. Look at that.

That guy's about to lose his shit. When that plane takes off. Oh, where that ant go? Now we're got two missing people. Some people claim that 15,000 people came out to look for it. No matter how many, it was a massive search. Police were worried that she may have fallen down one of the many gravel pits in the area

and that she may have been lying at the bottom of one of them, hurt and helpless. Police also expressed concern that she'd been the victim of serious crime. Tax fraud. It's serious, yes. I know. It was front-page news across the UK, and when she didn't turn up for over a week...

Aha, thank you. It was front-page news all over the world, including the New York Times. Two hours for you? Oh, thank you. Thanks, you. Do I understand what way, what's the context of that? If you were missing. Oh, great. Oh, that's great. Thanks, mate.

Six months. David Soucher, about one minute. Look, I've actually also got an app open here that tracks his movements. He's at Harrod's right now. Doing quite well for himself. One minute. It's news all over the world. Dave, if you're tracking him on.

your device how is he going missing? That's how he avoids. If he disappears off this for one minute, I will have to leave. I'm sorry. Does he know about the tracking? Oh no. Okay. It's safer for him if he doesn't know.

Have you used the tracking to meet him in person or you're doing it to avoid meeting him? No, I've never met him. Sure. Well, I've seen him, but he hasn't seen me. How did you put the... Where is the tracker? In his moustache? Yeah.

It's in his butt, isn't it? One of you is correct. And he doesn't have a real mustache. Does he have a real butt? Oh yeah. Okay. Oh yeah. Does he have a butt?

Oh yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Anyway, it seemed to be as good a mystery as she could ever write, except that it was happening in real life. Every day the stories of what could have happened to her got crazier and crazier, with the press speculating wildly. Apparently, close to where the car was found

was a natural spring known as the silent pool, where two young children were reputed to have died. Some journalists ventured to suggest that the novelist may have deliberately drowned herself there. Newspapers offered a large £100 reward for anyone that spotted her, and this inspired more people to go on the hunt. To everyone's looking for ag.

With a book selling well in the fact that she was a household named by this point, outwardly it looked like she was on top of her. the world. If she had chosen to disappear, people couldn't work out why. There were rumours that she'd been murdered by her husband, Archie, who some people now talking to the press, was saying it was a serial cheetah, and he was known to have

the mistress, Nancy Neal, golf player. The UK's Home Secretary, William Jointson. One more time. William Jointson, Hicks. I can only assume he's from New Jersey. I can only assume that. Jointson. It's Johnson with a Y.

Love it. Joinson. I'm saying that right? You're reading it like you've never read it before, but you wrote this. William Joinsen, okay. So he's a big deal. He's the Home Secretary in the UK. He's freaking out because no one can find it.

It's looking bad for him. So he urged the police to make faster progress in fighting her, as it did not look good for the police her being missing for so long. History Extra recalls that two of Britain's most famous crime writers, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of Sherlock Holmes, and Dorothy Al Sayers, author of the Lord Peter Wimsy series, were both drawn into the search as experts. Their specialist knowledge it was hoped would find the missing writer.

They're experts in writing. I know. Have you tried looking for her in a library? Or a cafe with Wi-Fi. He tips his hat and leaves. What a hero. You've spaced out again, haven't you? No.

Now, so Arthur Conan Doyle's been employed, and if you've heard my report on Sherlock Holmes, you'll remember that one of Arthur Conan Doyle's specialist skills was cult stuff concerning the afterlife. After his son died in the war, he went a little bit strange and believed in fairies as well as many other supernatural things. He went a little bit strange.

I'm being polite. I'm going to put that on my tombstone. She went a little bit strange. Could you say it in a way that's less polite? What are you trying to say? He lost it big time. Basically, he tried to use paranormal powers to solve the mystery of where Hague that Christie was.

Well, I didn't see anybody else coming up with any idea, so... He took one of Christie's gloves to a famous medium hoping that it would give answers when normal police work and failed. It didn't. So any theories at this point from you guys? Mole people. Interesting. Interesting.

Obviously. Made any theories just to... Yeah, I reckon she's just looking for inspiration for a book, right? She's... Just needs a getaway. Yeah, but she's also like... I reckon she's just... Yeah, did she end up turning this into a nightboat of Cairo or some sort of big story?

Nightboat to Cairo? That's one of hers, isn't it? Nightboat. I know. What's a night boat? No, I think it's a madness song, sorry. What's the... She's got a Cairo boat as well.

Anyway, doesn't it? Death on the mountain. Deathboat to Cairo. Listen up. Well, on December the 14th, 1926, she turned up. How long had she been missing? She's been away for a couple of weeks. Okay, it was a nice getaway.

She was alive? Did we let people know we were leaving Australia? Yeah, we got some calls to make. Just don't mind Matt for a minute. Can you message my mum in there as well? Yes. She was alive and well at the Swan Hydro Now the old Swan Hotel in Harrogate

Or Harrogate Just 16 miles from where we are right now A few Harryheads in Ah? There's a Harrogate in in the front row Have you been to the old Swan Hotel? Brother got married Yeah Dave He's basically David Souquet or whatever

Did you know the connection when you went there? So I imagine None of this is impressing you so far Nah, yeah Yeah Right, okay He's pretty honest this guy

We love that So it is just 16 miles A 25K Kilometers from where we are right now Thank you for converting that for me Yeah thank you Which is why I chose this as a topic Because we're so close

And we can go to that hotel No, absolutely not Right well 16 miles I'm walking after this So she's turned up But more questions were raised however, as Christie herself was unable to provide any clues as to what had happened to her. She apparently remembered nothing.

Okay. Police seemed to come to the conclusion that Agatha Christie had left home and travelled to London, crashing and then abandoning her car on route. So she's driving to London, but crashed on the way. She then somehow, still a mystery, travelled the 30 miles to King's Cross Station in London, where she boarded a train to Harrogate. On arriving at the spa town, she checked into the Swan Hydro on December 4th with almost no luggage. one of the strangest things is that she checked in

under the assumed name of Theresa Neal which is the surname of her husband's mistress I mean that would be the name that would be on your mind a lot of probably yeah and she also claimed that she was from South Africa did she do an accent because that's not okay and if she did I think it would sound a little something I like this hello I'm Theresa May

no Theresa May that's a different one Hello? Hello. Fuck. Did you guys know the truth about your prime minister? Ask for a birth certificate, so I'm saying. I'm a truther. Teresa truther.

I don't know what harrogate's like these days, but apparently it was the height of elegance in the 1920s. People are laughing. It was quite the place to be for young wealthy types, and Agatha did nothing to arouse suspicion as she joined in with all the balls, dances, and the entertainment. You've got to hide in plain sight at the ball. She wasn't recognised, which might seem strange, because she's such a famous person.

Yeah, but she was doing the accent. Yeah. Which sounded a little something like this. How's it? I'm Theresa Neal. Not bad. I like the ball. That's good stuff.

Matt, what would it sound like if she was like... Barat was there too. I like the ball. What would it sound like if she had some sort of like diplomatic immunity? Oh, yeah, that would have been the one to go for. Ha. All right, stop laughing. Hi.

I have diplomatic immunity. My name is Teresa, whatever you said before. And it's weird that she was carrying. guns with her to this ball as well but I mean, yeah, that would have sounded a bit like whoa, it's so realistic. No, that was just me clear and my

oh wow. That was the gun. He is good. The man of a thousand noises. The first time was clapping. That must be fucking bizarre to you. I don't even get it. You love balls.

That is very. funny and deserve more to be honest but I just love balls fucking hell that's good do we get that we get that on tape two thumbs up thank you thanks Dave so it's weird that you might not be

recognized but she was being a writer she was a household name but people didn't necessarily know what she looked like so you could blend in a little bit eventually she was recognized by one of the much like being a podcaster yeah hide in plain sight you know except I walk around going, Hello, I'm Jess Perkins.

And they go, please stop yelling at me, madam. I'm a podcaster. People say, what does that mean? Yeah, mostly my grandma. She doesn't get it. I don't get it. My parents tried to explain to my 94-year-old grandma what we were doing here.

It's like, it's a podcast. It's a bit like a radio show. She's like, oh, okay. And people can listen at home. She's like, oh, okay. why are they turning up to see it live? A very good question. Thanks, Grandma.

Thanks a lot, Grandma. 94 years old. Eventually, Agatha was recognised by one of the hotel's banjo players. Bob Tappan. Banjo, which one's that again? What does a banjo sound like? I think it might sound a little something. I like this.

No, actually, because there's multiple banjos, I think it would be good if we could hear jewelling. banjo? Yeah. All from me. Yeah. Was that it? Ba-da-ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

Oh, yes. Ba-da-dung-dung-dung-dung. Bah-da-dung-dung-dung. Oh. I lost control of that late. Fantastic. Their patience for that bit is running out if you want to just... Yeah, I'll pop the brakes on it now.

Sorry. Oh, Willer. So the banjo player recognized it. He tipped off her husband. He told police and they tipped off her husband, Colonel Christie, who came to collect Agatha immediately. Respectively, Bob the banjo player,

didn't go to the press and claim the 100 pound reward, which would have created a media storm. Bob the banjo player. Yes. Can he pluck it? But should he? Look, every now and then I'll say something and you guys will sigh, and that's okay.

Ugh. He's out of another girl, isn't he? So he didn't sell her out to the press, but the press got wind of the story anyway. The media rush arrived to get photos of her leaving the hotel, and this hit the front pages again around the world. Amazingly, Christie left her cheating husband waiting in a badass move. When the cheater arrived, she kept him waiting in the hotel lounge while she decided to change into an evening dress.

Yes. Badass. So there's some theories. Over the years, there's been a lot of theories as to what caused and exactly happened during this 11-day disappearance. Archie claimed that his wife was suffering from amnesia and had no recollection of the events. Some speculated that she did it to publicise her books and boost some sales. Well, any publicity is good publicity, I guess.

And because of this, many were furious at the funds and resources that were wasted on the search in their eyes. Another theory was that perhaps she did it for revenge against her cheating husband. Perhaps she disappeared, hoping that eventually he would be arrested for her murder. and even when she reappeared, perhaps this would be sufficiently enough to tarnish his image at the long run, and in her book she's a criminal mastermind, so why wouldn't she be one in real life? Others have speculated that she suffered a concussion like brain injury in the car crash and then had no idea what she was doing, but probably the most common theory other than the publicity stunt is that her disappearance

was the side effect of some sort of mental breakdown. According to her biographer, Andrew Norman, the novelist may well have been in what is known as a fugue, or more technically a psychogenic trance. It's a rare condition brought on by trauma or depression, and in this case, the death of her mother and the breakdown of her marriage may have caused her to not realize what she was doing during that period. Norman says the adoption of her new personality,

Theresa Neal and her failure to recognize herself in the newspapers were signs that she had fallen into psychogenic amnesia. There's also speculation that it was an aborted suicide attempt. In 1934, Christie wrote unfinished... portrait, a semi-autobiographical novel under her pen name Mary Westmacott. In this book, a character called... You can pick any name! I know.

In this book, a character called Celia Attempts suicide, and Christy writes, it was wicked of her to even consider taking her own life. A lot of people have said, that's her writing about this incident. But throughout the rest of her life, Agatha herself never publicly discussed the disappearance and apparently never spoke of this time with her family or friends. Okay. All right. She also barely mentioned the incident in her autobiography.

Despite it being one of the most famous weeks of her life, she just wrote down how she hated notoriety of any kind and that the press were so unbearable, she found it hard to go on living at that time. And that is the only mention of this incident in her autobiography. So what? She gets back in the car and they're driving her home. They're like, what happened? She's like, well, not talking about it.

Where have you been? Oh, uh-huh. It's like an angsty teenager. I don't talk about it That was me as a teenager And an adult But you'll be pleased to hear guys That she bounced back

She made a quick recovery Both health and career-wise And continued on writing Agatha and Archie remained apart And finally accepting her marriage was over in 1928 They divorced And Archie married his mistress There you go

One of Agatha's lifelong ambitions had been to travel on the Orient Express. A.K. The nightboat to caro. Nightboat train. The nightboat train to Georgia. Anyway. And she took her first journey in 1988 after her marriage broke down. It was at an archaeological site in Ur in Mesopotamia,

which is modern-day Iraq, that she met the 25-year-old archaeologist in training Max Melaman, who was to become her second husband. How old is she at this point? She's about 36, 37. Cool. She's made him up.

Max, uh, Mellerman. Well, you got a new man your life. Yeah, what's his name? Max? Yeah, Max. Ma. Mahla. Mahla.

Malab. Bala. That's pretty much. Yeah. Max was asked to show Agatha around the archaeological sites, which he found fascinating. And they found him.

each other's company relaxing. They're married in 1930 and by this time she had already written a dozen books. Her second world famous character, Miss Marple also debuted in that year in a novel called Murder at the Vicarage. Vicarage.

Vicarage. It's a fun word. It is nice. Vicarage. Vickorage. Everyone. Vicarage. That's very...

They just say it nice like normal people. Vicarage. That's them. That's what you sound like to us. Oh, vicarage. Well, how do we say it? Ah, vicarage. We really are the worst.

Yeah, we're the worst. We suck. With the ability to see the worst in everyone, she based her, this is Agatha, Christi basing, Miss Marple on her own grandmother. Her ability to see the worst in everyone. Yeah.

Oh, brutal. Cobb that grand. That's not a good, that's not a trait you want. Look at this lovely waiter, probably a pedophile. I guesser. You know who doesn't see the worst in everyone? Mr David Soucher.

What a kind soul. Where is he? Checking in? He's just doing a bit more shop. He knows he's on Oxford Street in London. Primark, a bit below his taste, I thought. All right. Takes all sorts.

How many times did you go to Primark in the two days we were in London? See this shirt? It's a primark He was like we'd be Kind of near it He was like, oh, we need primark It's like, off you go It's all primark and that

What's that? Patamongue or something? Pamonda He loved that joint I love Patamongcha Do you guys have that in Leeds? Partamonture? Greg's is better.

Greg's is better. Get Greg heads in. Great, you'd love my Gregory tattoo. Greg's is better. We went to a Gregs in Edinburgh. Big fan of Gregs. I mean, there is definitely one person leading that.

Are you related to Greg? I love Graham. Yeah. And the people are with you. That's the best. All right, list other things you like. So Gregs is genuinely popular. All right. No lovers of Pratt then.

Pret is for losers. Well, I guess you can call me a loser, baby. Because I love Pratt. I also love Greggs. Wow. I did not want to lose the crowd over Pratt. It's not worth it. That would not be worth it.

That was the best. Greg's had a grapefruit salad. Have you had a greaks fruit salad? I fucked up. Cheese, beans and soft food. sausage mouths. Yeah. You guys really know how to do food.

Do you guys want me to bring up the Greg's menu and we'll just go through it? Give us a thumbs up or a thumbs down. It's all thumbs up. Who gets a great for a salad? A man that's struggling to shit, okay? Okay. There you go. Thank you. Thank you.

Jess has left. So we've lost Jess. Um... Sorry they had to get so real, mate. real mode. Did it help? I'm sharing a bathroom with him. Did it help? The answer is, is there anything Greg can't fix? Matt, can I use your bathroom later?

Nothing makes me shit more than Greg's. Gregs! All right, we're nearly here for the end of Agatha's report. So she marries Max and he's an archaeologist and he became a big influence on her writing. The exotic locations that she visited with him, like Egypt, Mesopotamia, like the Iron Express became locations in her books, and this really set her apart from her contemporaries yet again.

She mentioned other places. Everything else was set at Greg's off. As a rule, Agatha wrote two or three books a year, and went with Max often wrote a chapter or two during quiet mornings and then helped him out on the archaeological digs in the afternoon. Oh, teamwork, love that. Yeah, the real power couple. Power couple, love it.

Yeah, support each other. Similar to They're kind of like England's very own Posh and Becks I was trying to think of a more What's the, you know, the woman and the guy from recently? I was going for them and then I ended up The woman and the guy?

You met Harry and Megan, thank you. The man and the woman. I mean, you're not wrong, technically. But you're quite far from right. One's from suits and ones from the palace. What, it's Starcross lovers. Did that make the news here? It was big down in Australia.

Did you guys get that here? You got that? So, World War II broke out, and Agatha again volunteered. It was during this World War II that she became a grandmother when her daughter Rosalind gave birth to her son, or a son, Matthew. By 1950, after the war... A beautiful name.

Love those English names. Madge. Matt. Oh, no. We're not so different, you and I, Madge. Did you only just figure out that your name is Matthew? Okay. I wasn't allowed to know that until I was 102.

By 1950, Agatha had already sold 50 million books and started to slow down her output. I say slow down, but her play the mousetrap opened in the West End in 1952, and it's been running ever since, becoming easily the longest running play of all time, with over 26,000 performances now. It hasn't finished yet. They haven't found the killer. It's also a great board game. Mousetrap?

Yeah. It is. Yeah. That's why I said it. Yeah, no. I agree. Yeah. We should finish this combo later.

Yeah, right. According to the official mousetrap website, during that 66-year-run... The game or the... They share a website. Could you believe that? It's very confusing. No, during it 66 year-run the play,

there have been no fewer than 474 actors and actresses appearing in the play, 279 understudies, and 142 miles of shirt that has been ironed for the play. How many big silver balls? That was a little niche bit there, but the ones who liked it, really liked it.

Clap him. My favourite kind of applause is a smattering, so thank you so much. Nothing better, because the thing I love about a smattering is it takes as much effort for the people not to clap as it does for those two clap. They're just ignoring it. Nah.

Silver balls, all right. It's good stuff. You'll get it later. Yeah, it's a thinker. Agatha's last... Okay, bye man. Agatha's last public appearance was at the opening night of the 1974 film version of Moida. Moira on the Orange Express, starring Albert Finney as Hercules Poirot.

verdict, a good adaptation with the minor point that Poirot's moustaches weren't luxurious enough. You know whose mustaches are luxurious enough? David Souchay, nailed it. Oh my goodness. He's got an egg-shaped head exactly like she described. What? Perfect casting. Just let you think about that. The final novel published in her lifetime had in fact been written many decades earlier.

It was called Curtin Poirot's Last Case. Christy wrote the novel in the early 1940s during the Second World War Partly fearing for her own survival and partly wanting to have a fitting end for a plaro series of novels Christie had the novel locked away in a bank vault for over 30 years

Knowing that she could no longer write any novels The elderly Christie authorised curtains of removal from the vault and subsequently its publication in 1975 Can you imagine her rereading it though After 30 years You forgotten it a little bit? No she would have forgotten it and also been like

This is trash If I looked at something I wrote 30 years ago, it wouldn't exist. All right, Matt, if you looked at something you'd written 30 years ago. It would have been, oh, I've had another great grandchild. I reckon if I put it in a vault and got it out and went, really? Curtain? Are you talking about something you'd written? What happened?

Like, curtains were taken? Sounds stupid. Yeah. What? Yep. Well, I can tell you, it sees the old duo of Poirot and Hastings team up for the last time, meeting again at Stiles, where they'd first appeared together 50 years earlier in their first novel.

She wrote the novel at the height of her powers and for decades knew how the series would end. Her powers. Oh, she was a witch. At the height of her powers. It's a very evil novel. Got it. She died peacefully the next year on the 12th of January, 19th, 1976 at the age of 85.

She is buried in the churchyard of St. Mary's near Wallingford. And finally, just a bit about her legacy. According to the Guinness World Records, she's the world's best-selling fiction writer with her 78 crime novels having sold an estimated... 78. 78? Two more.

Right, two more. Or stop three ago. Well, they have sold an estimated 2 billion copies in 44 languages. Dave, can I just quickly do my impersonation of the character from Poirot called, what's the Seussack's, Gregory's name again? Captain Hastings.

Does anyone know that show with David Socket? I've been working on this because I've been, Dave, I watched the first season. I really like it. I love Gregory Heaps. And I'm not fucking around. I reckon this is exactly what he sounds like, right? What's his surname again?

Hastings. Hastings, Hastings. I say. That is great. If you knew the source, that is great. I say. Nailed it? I clap again.

You didn't deserve it the first time. Whoa. Let them clap. Oh, yeah, no, you're right. Let clap as be. Little smattering there. I got two smatterings back to back. I say.

And I love Gregs. My final sentence is, her books continue to so well and her royalties are estimated to be in the millions every year, so good on her one grandchild, Matthew. She is outsold only by the Bible and William Shakespeare.

What a life for Agatha Christie. Thank you so much. Let's all do it Thank you That was the best I asked to scald at least one eighth of a drink Whoa For your tiny throat

That's pretty good That is impressive That's very good But that Pretty much leads It brings us to the end of the podcast Thank you so much for being it I say

I say Good Lord My grandma, the 94-year-old, actually says that. She's surprised by something. My parents told her they were going to Russia for a holiday, and her response was, good lord. It's still the 1940s for her. I'm like, oh, I'm going to Cuba.

Good Lord. The UK, she was fine with that. She was totally fine with that. She said, say hi to Winston. Her old school chum. Guys, give it up for Dave One. I want to give you his report. That was a bit of fun.

Thank you so much for coming out. It really, it does blow our minds that we could come to Leeds, a place that I have never been to before. None of us have ever been to before and that you all turn up. So thank you so much. Give yourselves a big round of applause. Saturday afternoon. Even the venue are like, oh, what is this?

And is it going to sell tickets? And it did. So thank you. Thank you so much. It's very nice of you. And having said that, we'd like to thank you to the wardrobe, fantastic venue. Amazing. You got Dave on sound.

Trey, the manager, helps us with everything. Fantastic. It's been an absolute delight to be here. So I guess the plan is now we're going to wrap up. If you would like to hang out for a bit, we've got some T-shirts that will be selling over there in the corner. If you just want to come up, say hello or get a photo or anything, please do stick around.

It's going to be a bit of fun. Yep. That brings us to the end of the episode. Matt, Jess, you have anything else you need to say? No. Apart from Long Live Greg's. And God bless you all. And be nice to each other.

And good on that man and woman. All right. Thank you guys. And we're back at the famous glass table with my famous legs. Wow. What an emotional roller coaster that report was. We laughed. We cried.

We learned. About Gregg's. Oh. So much. So much passion for Gregs here. I love that. I love that passion. I don't think Australians or Melbourneians would be that passionate about anything.

Football. No, mind. Baker's Delight versus Brumbies. Brumbies. Yeah. And the little shopping village near my parents' house where I grew up had both. But I would go to the Baker's Delight because it was closer. Owned by the same company, I believe.

Oh, they make you think like you're picking one over the other. But really, let's just one person getting rich. Mr. Brumby. Yeah, big bakers. Big Baker Brumby. Yeah. Love that. He is a delight.

I guess. And yes, thanks again to everyone that did come to our lead show. It was a very, very fun time. And at the end of every episode, what we like to do, of course, Matthew, is thank you. Thank you. Thank me. Well, no worries. You do a great job.

It's all part of the deal. But also thank some of our Patreon supporters. Yes. Keep this little show rocking and all rolling. And they keep this. These three little podcasters fed. Yes. Thank you.

We're going to go out for some food after this. I'm so excited. I'm very hungry. Yeah. Second meal of the day. Yeah, we've got to start eating better. It's getting late at night. Yeah.

Two meals a day isn't, that's not the right. What is it again? It should be three. Nine. Nine meals a day. Nine small portions. Yeah. Okay.

Oh, that was a fun set. Oh, that's the boner alarm. Dave just got hard. Oh, boy. 7.50 p.m. Why are you so surprised? Bonar o'clock. Now, we need to thank some people who support the show and keep us fed. Yes, and I believe, do we also have a fact, quote, or question, Matt?

Yes, of course we do. Everyone's favourite segment on the DoG on podcast. And let's just pad now while Matt finds that section of the... It's in a very similar place in my computer. This week's fact quote or question is from a first time fact quote or questioner. Jacobi de Angel Jess, could you have a crack at that? No, you nailed it.

That's what you would say? Yeah. Give us an alternative, just in case I do. Jacobi, dangle. I reckon, I'm going to go with Jess on this one. Okay, that's a Jacoby. Jacobi dangle. And Jacobi, with the fact, quote of question,

a Patreon each week gets to give us a fact, quotal question. They also get to give themselves a title. And this week, I'll just read out the full message from Jacoby. Yep. Great maker of power drills. Jacobi. Jacobi.

And this is the message. It includes the question and his title. Hello, Matt Jess and Dave. I've decided to take the title of writer, director, cinematographer, editor, producer, executive producer and best boy of the do-go-on movie. Wow, it's a lot of titles. It will have action, drama, sex, comedy,

crime, mystery, and Nazis, of course. Shotgun, me getting... The sex part. Sucked in, boys. Well, I mean, you've got to write it in to get it, don't you? My question to you is, which actors would you like to play the three leading roles? Oh, have we been asked this something?

Or have we just discussed this amongst ourselves recently? No, it was on a Patreon bonus episode. I think Kobe Smolders for me. You're Kobe Smolders? Yep. And that is the actor from Who's Your Dad? No, where's your mom? Yeah, where's your mom?

That long-running sitcom. Where's your mom? Where's your mom? Which one's your mom? With Kobe Smolders. Who's your mummy? Yeah. Who's your mummy?

I don't even know what show you're referring to. How I met your mother. Oh, who's your mummy? It sounds like the Danish translation. or something. Yeah, who's your mummy? Who is your mummy? All right.

Well, obviously, Dave, you'd be played by Steve Bishimi's son. Yes. If he has one. Steve Bishmy, Jr. Yeah. Junior Bouch. And me, who would I have? I mean, if, what, at what age?

I mean, I'd love to have probably... Here we go. Who we got here? David Whennam, a strong actor. Yeah. Fisherman Fred. from ship to shore. None of that's right.

Sea change he was in as Diver Dan. Diver Dan. But he's older than me, so I don't know if that works. No, but he plays Future You. It's going to be a long time before a movie's made of us, to be honest. Okay, great. So by that time, you'll be dead, but he'll be younger somehow. And then Super Future Mayor, I'll have Rod Quantock.

I knew Rod Quantock, of course. Well, I've Google Steve Hashimi's son. He actually is an actor. Lucian. Bishimi Yes. That's a great name. This is what we're...

Oh my God! That works. He looks so much like his dad. He looks more like you than his dad does. Yeah. Dave, that's weird. I mean,

he's got these sexy, sexy cheekbones. I don't have that. Well, he's got a lot of makeup and he's really pouting his cheekbones. Babe, we can contour that on you, no problem.

Really? Yes. I like that a lot. Really. And, um... Okay, so...

Well, no, we're not. No, of course we're not. Who's current me? and baby me. Ron Weisley from the Horipota movies.

I mean, Ron Measley's a fictional character. Do you mean Rupert Grint? Yes, Rupert Grint. He can play younger me? Yeah, come on, mate. How old would he be? He's a year older than Dave and I. Oh, just a baby.

Yeah. And then obviously child me would be Prince Harry's soon to be born, daughter or son. Yeah. Versatile actor. Are they having a kid? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That'll be me, baby.

So baby, we can do the whole life. All right. Toddler. Okay. This is exhausting. Maybe a wombat. All right. Died red.

Died red, yep. I think we've answered the question. But I don't want about young adult. Yeah, no, you're right. Who would play young adult you? Do you know any redheads in that age frame? I mean, don't typecast yourself. What was that guy?

And also, you can dye hair. What about that guy who used to sing with red hair? that used to sing with red hair David Bowie Yes Bowie will get him to play me Decease Rest in peace

Okay Dave And you're gonna be Lucian Bishimi Lucian Bishimi I love it It's a great It's a fantastic name Fantastic name

Fantastic That is a fantastic name Maybe Rachel McAdams I like her For Matt as a teenager Okay yeah I like that I like that Yeah

Me She is fantastic. Could I get Kate Blanchette as Teenage Me? Yes, she could do it. She can do just about anything. Have you seen Oceans 8? She's a masterpiece. She's a masterpiece.

Oil painting. Yeah. Yeah. What did you ask me? I don't know anymore. Well, we're looking forward to Jacobi making that film. And if someone could draw a poster of that, obviously there'd be a lot of my heads in there.

Just pick your favourite head. I reckon diver Dan. Look him up. What a legend. All right. And I think he was also in the Matrix as well, that man. David Wenham. And maybe the Lord of the Frongs?

Please stop. Okay. We also like to thank Byname, people that do contribute to our Patreon. And we're going to do that now. And usually, what we do is Jeff comes up with a little game. We make a little bit of a game. Just a bit of a game in it.

Now we're going to have this game in it. So we just heard there about Agatha Christie, very famous mystery writer. Any inspiration from that? Yeah, let's give them a fucking crime name. Crime name. No, like a case. Like events on the Nile or nightboat to Cairo.

Death on the River Nile. Is that what it's actually called? It's called Death on the Nile. Fuck, I thought it was on the River Nile. You've always said. It's a different Nile. It's a different Nile. I'm sure you've always said a river.

They're talking about... I would have never said Rimmer. No, you haven't. The singular brother of Frazier. Death on the Nile. Yeah, so we'll give them a case name like that. So there's... I've got a couple here.

Actually, I've got on my computer. The Adventure of Johnny Waverly. Oh. Murder in the Mews. Oh. The third floor flat. Oh, I like that. The labors of Hercules.

Okay. The King of Clubs. Dave, don't waste all these great titles. Peril. Endhouse. Oh, I like that. I like peril. She's just saying,

that sounds like a random word generator. Yes. The third floor apartment. Which means there's no wrong answer. The adventure of the cheap flat. The adventure of the cheap. Where did the flat go on its adventure? The kidnapped prime minister.

Okay. Could I kick this bad boy off? Please. I'd love to thank from Seafid, which is where I got my tattoo done, many years ago. Why did you get Seaford? Because it was a record.

recommended artist down there at hellbound tattoos. Okay. And you still haven't got it finished. No, I haven't. And that was really quite a long time ago. At this point, they'd be starting again. Yeah, really, they would have to. I'd love to thank Mr. Luke Hunter.

Luke Hunter. Oh, can we do something with Hunter maybe? Oh, the Hunter? What about the Hunter Gatherer? Oh, yes, I like that. It sounds like an Agatha Christie thing. Because it sounds like interesting, but also what does that mean? Yeah.

Yeah. What about the hunter-gatherer from down the road? Yeah, perfect. I need to know where. We need to know what flat they're living here. The hunter-gatherer from 32B. Oh, yeah, that's good. I like that.

Yeah. Hunter-gatherer from 32B. That is Luke Hunter down to a T. Yeah. Oh. And he lives near the sea. And he, and what role does he play? The cadaver or the killer?

Oh, at least. You have to watch. Watch to find out. At least a suspect. Yeah. Because everyone's a suspect when Agatha Christie comes to town. Mm-hmm. Do you think it would be a Poirot?

Oh, it's got to be a Poirot. Not a Maple. She's a very untrusting person. Yes. Or Miss Marple. Remember I said in the report, an untrusting person based on her grandmother. Always sees the worst in people.

What a skill to have. What a skill to have. I'd also love to thank from America, from Newton. Julie Bay. Julie Bay. I love that. Julie Bay. Bay is a great name too.

Especially in today's climate, you know. What about murder by the bay, but it's spelled B-E-Y? Yes. Yes. Yes. I'm afraid. Dave, you're so good at this. She may have been murdered in this one.

Sorry. Well, no, again. No, next, someone was murdered next to her. Oh, yeah. She's got assault. Maybe she's got to prove her innocence. That happens a lot. Yeah.

So someone's on trial. Hercule Paro comes to town and has to prove the innocence. Yeah, that's good. That is very good. We've spent a lot of time together while we're here. Yeah. Barely left each other's sides. We're becoming one unit.

We already were, but now it's even more so. It's going to be hard to be away from you. I know. I'm going to have to call you when I get home. Let's move in together. Okay. It's time to get the do-go-on mansion. Manchon.

Which would be a great place for a murder. Let's get the bunks back together. Only possible because of our patrons. Yes, thank you. Thank you. Pay for our mansion. Yeah, come on. We deserve mansions.

Mansion. Plural. Oh. What? I mean, what if one is haunted? Oh, good point. That would be great if we get a haunted one. We don't report about our own house.

I don't want a haunted one. What's a nice one? What if it's haunted by a gummy bear? Ooh, okay. I'm listening. I'm not drinking. Unbelievable as that is from the tone. I'd also like to thank from Livermore, California.

Hotel California. I was sick in California. Yeah, great. And I would like to thank Anthony Castro. What do we call the book, Liver No More? You are nailing this. Anthony Castro. Live no more.

And it's set in the small town, I imagine. of Livermore. Right. Right. But also the person who died was drunk. What about? Oh, okay. So their liver was no more.

Liver, Leveda, no more. Okay. Ricky Martin has a camera. Is this like our Spanish translation? Yeah. I'm not going to budge on this. That's my standpoint and I'm sticking to it. And thank you, Anthony Castro.

I hope you solve that crime. What a sick name, a bunch of names. How about Luke Hunter, Julie Bay, Anthony Castro. I know these are, they do you sound like characters in books. I would also like to thank. From Sydney, beautiful part of the world, of course, Locky Martin. Locky under lock and key. Oh, I like that a lot.

Oh, I finally got one. That is mysterious. Yeah, exactly. But you can also see, when you read the book, you go, oh, I know what they're talking about. I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Locky Martin's the main character in this. Yeah.

Yeah. Again, Locky has been falsely accused of a crime and Poirot has to again save the daddy. Yeah, I was going to say, Locky definitely hasn't done anything here, but people think he has. Yeah, so he's under Lock and Key in a jail cell. They think he did it until another murder occurs.

When he's in jail. And they're like, well, maybe it can't have been him. Is it a copycat? Yeah. And it turns out it is. Locky did do the kid. He did the first one. He paid someone to do another one to make him look into it.

But the copycat actually gets busted for both. Yeah. Locky's that good. He is that good. And then he's released and he's still out there. Yeah. Hang on. No, Dave, we're in the UK.

It's okay. Oh, that's fine then. No worries. We're safe. But anybody in Sydney, not so safe. Locky's coming to kill you. Sorry, you had to find out this way. Well, good luck to all our Sydney listeners.

I hope you're listening when this episode is current and not in three months' time when Locky's already outside your life. This is all obviously a joke. Locky is one of the nicest people, I assume. None of the nicest murderers, yes. No. He gives life and loves. And laughs.

While he stabs you. With his... Witt. Witt. Yes. Stabbing wit. And a shank. Shank with his humor.

Yes, he will shank you for your kindness. Oh. Shank you very much. He's one of his. He has some slightly annoying catchphrases. Apart from that. Spank me. Shank you very much.

The list goes on. Wait, what's spank me his catchphrase for? He's also a... Got a couple of fetishes, but, you know, don't we all? We're not shaming anyone. Absolutely not. Can I thank some people? Yes, please.

Spank some people. Can I spank some people? Please. I would like to spank from Nari Warren South in Victoria. Nasla Waza. South. I would like to thank Maddie Ray. Maddie Ray.

Maddie. What about the sting? Oh, yes. Like a sting ray. That's it? The sting. The sting? Yeah, yeah, because that's like, you know, police sting.

That's a movie already. I think you might, for confusion, you might have to give Robert Redford. Yeah, add someone else in there. What about the sting in brackets, not the one with Robert Redford? Oh, I like that. Now we know.

Yeah. Yeah, take the mystery out of the mystery. Yeah. Avoid confusion. Thank you, Maddie. Maddie Ray. What a pleasure. We're so far away, but soon again,

we will be in the same stage. I just want a quick rundown of what happens in the sting. Okay, so Maddie Ray. It works at a bit of it. A B factory. A B factory? They're selling Bs?

No, no, it's just, it's not their A factory. It's their secondary factory where they make their rejected t-shirts. Okay, what about the boss? Thank you for being there with me. What about the boss from Factory A has been murdered? And Maddie Ray reckons that if he can solve that murder, he'll be promoted to Factory A. B promoted. Yes.

And he's got to do some sort of sting operation. So this B-E pun works on many levels So he hires Poirot Yes, to come to Nari-Waren's south And David Sucker comes in and saves the day together Haise hey Did not get a lot Did not get a lot in the room

But fuck it's good Go watch it Watch it and you'll know It deserved a lot more I say Listening back, we love it Yeah And the listeners are going

Holy shit, that is incredible Did I accidentally sit on my TV remote And Poirot is on? I say. Oh, wow. It is good. You're an artist. Gregory Hastings.

What a man. Arthur Hastings. And can I think finally? Is this Denmark? No, Deutsche Land, that will be. That will be Germany. Isn't it weird that I'm sure we've mentioned this before, but isn't it weird that we don't let Germans call their country, whatever they want to call it? Yeah, it's weird.

We call it Deutsche. I think we call it Germany. I think you mean Germany. It's real weird. No, like every country's like. like that though. But not normally changing that much. Like French say,

Australia or something. Finland is completely different. Yeah, we should, we should just call what they call it. Yeah. And like every Italian city, we've anglicized or we've

Englishized. Yeah. It's not Rome. Right. What is it? Roma. Yeah. But at least they haven't totally changed it.

A word that we're very capable of it. Exactly. That's the thing. So anyway. It's like they've taken the fun, like Munich, boring, Munchin. That's a fun time.

So fun. And that is where Martin is from. I know. Martin, doodle. Doddle? Doddle. Doddle. Martin Doddle.

Martin, that's great. Thank you so much. The case? Careful not to doodle. That's a real threat. I like that a lot. Often murder mysteries do have little phrases like that as their title. Yeah.

And then at the end you're like, Oh, that's what that means. Careful not to do-door. Someone stalking and killing in the park. In Munchen. Yep. Oh, that's great. A Bierstein's involved?

Probably. Oh, the Beestan killer. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. But it's not Martin. Okay, again, he's got to save the day. Munchin is such a pretty city. Have you been?

I have not been. Oh, you must. Oh, you must. Oh, you must. Well, we're, you know, can we be a, you know, can we, pop over? Yeah, I mean, we could do a show for one. Let's look at the numbers, see if he's got any friends over there.

Surely he'd have us in his living room. Oh, that'd be great. Martin? Martin? Hello? Hello? Is this thing on? Hello?

Martin? Come through loud and clear. And again, thank you to all the patrons or the people at Patreon that do get involved. If you want to be on this list, you can go to patreon.com slash do go on pod. And we'll give you rewards in exchange for your support. Of course you get the normal podcast, but also two bonus episodes every single month can be unlocked at a certain level. And we do shoutouts. Our Christmas cards are coming up again.

We're going to do them. So if you want to get involved, you pledge at a certain level. All the details are there. You want to get a Christmas card. You've got to get on it soon. I've also been chucking up some tour videos, sort of unedited clips from the road for patrons to watch. Yeah, you sort of see the way we live and the way our minds unravel on the road. Yeah.

We're all a bit unheeded. It's been, yeah, a bit of fun. People seem to be enjoying those. We also recorded a bonus episode after this lead show that you just heard, which was very loose and very silly and fun, a bit of a quiz, and I'll be putting that up soon as a Patreon-only exclusive. So you want to hear that? Get on over to the Patreon.

But yeah, that brings us to the end of this week's episode. Thanks so much for listening. We really do appreciate it. In terms of support, just listening to us means so much. We really do appreciate that heaps. If you have time, it would be so nice. If you could give us a five-star review on iTunes or whatever your thing is. Give us a little message.

We read all those and they're always so nice to read. Also, you can find us online at Do Go On Pod on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook. And our email address is Do Go OnPod at gmail.com. And we replied all the emails, so feel free. And I'm doing my best to get back to most tweets, although bloody hell you love to tweet. Just gets emails. And she's like, oh. Oh no, there's a handful of emails today.

And I'm like, yeah. Well, cool. Good on you, Jess. Thanks for coming by. This is when I pop past his house some mornings. I lost his phone number. I just like to stop by and let him know. Maybe I should just get your phone number.

Yeah. I'll pass that on to you now. Oh. Have you got a pen then? Four. Anyway, yes. Thank you. Thank you, everyone.

And yeah, all the contact details for all that stuff, is on that website. Make mention, do go on pod.com. But until next week, thank you so much for listening. And until then, I will say goodbye. Later. Bye.

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