Do Go On - 162 - Unbelievable Urban Legends

Episode Date: November 28, 2018

For our final show on our UK tour, we went out with a real bloody bang! Three mini reports on freaky / spooky / weird / unbelivable urban legends plus a lot of tangents and a lot of laughs!Hear the horrible tales of The Flatwoods Monster, The Highgate Vampire and Pluckley, the most haunted village in England.Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes:www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPodTwitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail]: https://www.british-paranormal.co.uk/the-highgate-vampire-london/https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/564244/Highgate-Vampire-London-UK-panic-horror-ghost-paranormal-sightings-Draculahttp://www.real-british-ghosts.com/highgate-vampire.html https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Highgate_Vampire https://mysterioustimes.wordpress.com/2014/03/27/the-highgate-vampire-an-exercise-in-deception/PLUCKLEY REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.thesun.co.uk/archives/news/68980/britains-most-haunted-village/https://www.kentlive.news/whats-on/whats-on-news/pluckley-most-haunted-village-britain-549420https://www.hauntedrooms.co.uk/pluckley-village-kenthttps://explorekent.org/activities/pluckley-walk/https://www.kentonline.co.uk/ashford/news/is-pluckley-really-haunted-134511/https://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/destinations/europe/uk/3278642/Pluckley-the-most-haunted-village-in-England.html

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. Dave Warnocki here and I am here with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart. Dave Warnocki here. Dave Warnocki here and I'm here. I thought he was going really well until he doubled up on here. No, he was purposely changing up because I was fucking around and I was going to jump in and talk over him. and he did an old switcheroo on Perkins. That was nice.

All right. How about Dave Wonkie here? And I find myself in a room with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart. So that's what a pro would have said. I love that. It also kind of feels like you just stumbled into this room. And here we are. Wow.

I found them in a room. Yeah. Good. Don't give away our location. He just did. He said we're in a room. That's enough. Okay.

Hey, welcome to the show. everybody. Jess has lost her little marbles and she's going to find them during the show. Hopefully while you're listening to the live show, she'll have found and we'll update you on that later. But it is a live episode we're going to throw it to in a second.

Is that right, Dave? That is right. This is our last episode that we recorded in the UK on our tour. It was our biggest show yet in London. So thank you so much to everyone that came to that one. It was the second show we'd done in that day. And I was worried

that we'd never done two shows or two reports in one day before. And I think we did a good job. It was really fun. We did really well. I set up a camera that day. So there's, if you go to our YouTube channel, sometimes soonish, there'll be a video of that. And a few of the other live episodes we've put up recently, there's videos of them. Just a single shot.

So it's not super exciting to watch. But it's something if you want to. Look, I don't know why I'm being defensive to you. I mean, we bought a camera. It can shoot in 4K. It can. It can. I don't know if it did, but it can.

It did. And then obviously, I'm not uploading them to YouTube in 4K, but you can just know that at one point that footage was in 4K. I'm not entirely sure what 4K means. Don't follow up with any questions. Is it $4,000? Yes. Oh.

But YouTube doesn't accept dollars. No, because they work in the non-metric system. Classic YouTube. So you can find us on YouTube.com slash do-go-on. And that is a bloody hell. Do go on pod. And that is also what we are on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. Do go on pod.

And our email. Do go on pod. P-O-N. P-O-D. And our email. Do go on pod at g-mell.com. So if you want to, you should find us on all those things. Also, it would be real cool. I don't know why I'm spieling right now.

But if you do have a chance, it'd be so cool if you could give us a five-star review on iTunes or whatever. Is that right, Dave? Yeah, especially whatever, because that is the key to success. Yeah, that's where. where the big wigs of big pod actually look. Yeah, they're overrarchings. They're into the whatever.

And if you are, I mean, if you're into it, and if you are a pod lover, which you may well be, Dave Warnocky does a great new podcast called Book Cheat. It's kind of like Do Go On Only for Books, classic books where he'll do a report, a book report on a classic novel, and it comes out fortnightly, and it's really bloody funny.

Jess and I have been on episodes before. Dave's read the book so that you don't, have to. That's my tagline. It's great tagline. I'm glad that's getting out there. Yeah. I've got that tattooed on my butt.

Oh, wow. I also do a podcast weekly called Primates, and it's all about primates in popular culture. It sounds bloody stupid, but it's just a lot of fun. So much fun. It's a lot of fun. It's a great reason for funny people to hang out together. And what's your catchphrase? We're going through primates and popular culture from chimpanzee all the way down to chimpanzee.

And you know where that's tattooed? It's on my butt. Yeah! It's in real small print on that tiny tush. The last three episodes featured you two as guests. Yeah, because we were trapped with you. Yeah. We had to do it.

We recorded while we're travelling. So if you want to check that out, it's across social media and stuff is Prime, P-R-I-M-E, M-A-T-E-E-M-A-T-E-S-P-E-E-S-P-O-D. I was really happy you're going to tell us that a spell pod. And Dave's is a book-chete pod. on social media's. That's right. And that's spelled exactly how you think it should be. Yeah, which would be real smart.

Thinking back to it, having to explain a bad pun every time. Anyway, it's... What happens when you're the pun king? Yeah, that's true. Can't, you know, up here on my throne. Can't help myself. Anyway, we should probably get into the show before we do. I should plug one last thing.

I'm so sorry, everybody. But I'm doing a new stand-up show next year across Australia. I'm going to Perth. Adelaide. Brisbane, Melbourne. It's called Bone Dry. Tickets are already on sale for Perth and there's an early bird discount code do go on for do go on listeners. So please go get your tickets early. I'm only there for I think five nights from Feb 12th. Only five nights. So you better hurry up and get those tickets because they will go and you will feel

like an idiot if you don't get tickets and then you're like oh maybe i'll just see what it's like closer to see what i feel like doing and then you just try to like rock up on the night and get a ticket like uh hello i mean i've already bought a ticket and i'm not even sure if i'm going to be in the city that time i've always go support that uh you can find more details at matt stewart comedy dot com slash gigs and it'd be real cool to see you there thanks so much for that I'm just really proud of you and I just support you and I want other people to see your art. Thank you so much.

And yes, it is art. It is art. Dave Warnocky's directing the show so you know it's going to be art. I'm just so proud of both of you. I just want people to see your collective art. Thank you so much. Anyway, we should get into the show because it is a real crackin.

Buddy, it's a cracker lacquer lacquer. It's a banger. It's lacquen crack. It's not lacking any crack. It's full of crack. It's crack up to the bloody nines. It's Crack City. Yeah, don't worry about that.

Turn the crack dial all the way up to a lot of crack. Yeah, which is the highest bit you can do. They're always like, don't turn it all the way up. But we did. It's dangerous. We have to break some glass to do it. Crack glass. All right, let's, Dave, throw it into the show.

Well, enjoy this little nugget of podcast recorded live. in London. The Do Go On podcast was the first ever podcast by my understanding. When Matt first asked me to talk about how important the Do Go on podcast

was, I said, yeah, all right. I don't listen to podcasts. The UK! What, that have never traveled before? I was scared of planes, scared of jets, scared of trains, but you know what I'm not scared of? submarines that can't kill you if it's already to kill someone else that I'm saying. Matt, Jess, and Chris

from the Do Go On podcast are some of the most intelligent people you will ever mean and they have changed podcasting for the better. I can do any sound you like or like, here's the sound of like a ship. No, no, don't do it with the machine.

Let me do it already. Here's the sound of a ship. No, let me do it. Here's the sound of a ship. Serial season three. Oh, fuck off. Give me do go on episode, whatever the fuck they're up to. Man, I don't want to participate in this.

You're going to make me sound like an idiot. I know you, you're going to do something stupid. I'm going to look like an idiot, an idiot, an idiot, an idiot, an idiot, an idiot, an idiot, an idiot, an idiot, an idiot, an idiot. Hello, my name is Michael Kayne. And the Do Go On Podcast is the greatest podcast that anyone has ever known. Let me list for you the greatest podcasts of all time. Serial, this American life. And now it's time to welcome to the stage.

The cast of the Do Go On podcast. Matt, Jess. and Dave. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, except for DoGo One, you could probably skip that one. I do not sanction their buffoonery. Wow, this is all right, isn't it?

Thank you so much for coming out. My name is Dave Onki. Welcome to another episode of Do Go On, and I'm joined on stage by two of the greatest people ever. It's Matt Schult and just poking. Hello. Hello. Yeah.

How high are we? Look at the ants down there. This is like real theatre. What do you think real theatre is? It's this. For four hours. Earlier today we did a show on a pub. Now look at us.

All the way up here. Just try. Just try. No, sorry. Come on. Just try. We're just so far above you. Sorry. This is very cool, though. Thank you so much for coming out.

Do you have you a good night, Sunday night? Day. Yeah, I know what day it is, whatever. Oh, way to brag. I also like that we have this enormous stage and our chairs could not be much closer. That's how we like it. We like to be nice and close and cozy, right, Matt?

Big time, yeah. You're about to move away. Yep. Yeah, we love to be really. Real cozy. We're over here. That feels alright. All right, welcome to the show.

I'm going to do it like this. Never done this before, but that's all right. I'm going to go over here now. Nearly knocked your drink on your iPad. That was good. Yo-hoo! Oh, I nearly spilled my drink. That would have been fun.

All right, this is the show. We... Going over here. Here's Mark. Behind a curtain. Wanted to stay hidden. Hi, Mark. I thought I'd point him out instead.

Look, it's been a long tour and we're probably still a little jet lagged and tired and... That's your excuse for everything. And I will continue to use it. I need a nap of them jet lag. That was two and a half a week ago, that's like. Yeah, well, I'm tired. I'm a tired girl. Anyway, Dave, explain things.

Well, I've been asking our way around in different cities. I'm like, oh, what does the audience want the show to be, right? Because we can do really whatever you like. I think where do they... They wanted a strip show in Bristol. Yep. And we delivered that. Hey, we give you what you want.

But we have already done that. So, what do you want? What do you want, man? What did you say? Two hours of science. Can do. He just wants a place to relax. Would it help if I did this naked?

No. Would not be helpful. I veto that one. Now, how about we do an episode of the Do Go On podcast. Now, ladies and gentlemen, give me a round of applause if you've ever heard our show before. Most people, maybe.

That is an enormous relief. Well, that is genuinely very nice. But I also always like to give a shout out to the people that have never heard the show before. So don't be shy. Give me a round of applause and cheer now if you've never heard the podcast before. Yes.

I love you, Wood, and you were like, all right, everyone else is doing it. Yeah, no. Do you want to be the only one? Thanks so much for coming out. When you were told it was a podcast, you didn't think it would look like this, did you? If people come to this thing?

My goodness. Thank you so much for the people that did come, though. Thank you. Which is you. This is also the biggest show I've ever done, so thank you so much for coming out to it. It would have obviously been rough without you guys. Still would have been the biggest room, I guess.

Yeah. Yeah, we claim that. Yeah. Our podcast studio at home is very small. So this just would have been nice. I still probably would have done that bit about you know, that being over there and then going over there.

A bit of fun. You guys remember that? That was fun. Tell your grandkids about that one. Let's just our top three favourite things that have happened so far. Nearly spilling my drink. Now, for a couple of people that haven't heard the show before, basically what we do is we usually do a report on a topic. One of us does suggested by a listener most of the time

and the other two people don't know what the topic's going to be. But a few shows on this tour, but we have been picking a theme and then all doing a mini report on that topic. So we still don't know what the other people have chosen. And today, Matt, what is the topic that the three of us will be reporting on? We put this up for a vote on Patreon. What mini topic umbrella report would they like? It's amazing that they had an answer for that weird question.

What topic umbrella report? Halfway through that sentence and just shut their computer. It ended up being urban mystery. histories and myths and legends, which is a bit of fun, hopefully. Is that right? Did I say that right? I mean... In that ballpark, sure.

Can we just call it urban myths? Sure. Are you happy with urban myths tonight? All right, let's go with urban myths. I'm happy with that. That's not what... It's urban legends, isn't it? Fuck.

Anyway, whatever. I don't care. As long as it's urban... That's the main thing. What's the difference between those two? Well, I'm so glad you are. So, I'll field this one. You'll field the question I asked you.

Myths aren't true and legends could be? That sounds about right. Yeah. End of report. Thank you so much. Oh, that's Matt done. On to Jess. Well, yeah, I'm going to kick things off today with my report.

And for those of you who haven't seen or heard the show before, we always start with a question to get us on to topic. So I'll ask the boys, and then I'll throw it over to you guys as well. So my question is, I wrote a question. Thank you so much. I usually forget. The people that haven't heard the show are like, wow, they're really willing anything.

I wrote a question. Yeah. No, I deserved that. Which U.S. town went into a panic because of a story from three teenage boys? I made it a really vague, stupid question. It's not Gary, Indiana, is it? Oh, man, imagine.

but no. Is it something that we would have any chance of knowing? Nah. Because we've had Salem going to a panic from young women. Well, it's not the question, is it, Dave? You know when you don't know something, but you still want everyone to know, you're smart?

Yeah. And I think you'll find the capital of Ecuador is keto. So... That's true. Oh, stop it. Why would that not be true? You chose from any facts in the world. Why would you have chosen an incorrect?

Anyway, that's... We can fight about this later. Does anybody in the audience have an idea? Wyoming. Not Wyoming. Has anybody heard of Flatwoods? No. You took a fucking poll, did you?

No. I'll feel this one. Unbelievable. But it's still... I speak for the people. What about our Wyoming? A climbing friend. Have you heard of Flatley? To be fair, we cannot see shit.

Yeah. We're looking in a general area. Okay, oh, three people down from you. Yeah, no, oh, I'm on the defensive early. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Welcome, thank you so much. Sunshine and rainbows, sorry.

You do have an American accent, though, do you? Yeah. So where are you from? Where are you from? What? You bloody trickster. He just had a heart attack and he's old That's dangerous

Don't mess with my heart I did enjoy the no before Because I do love that accent They could reject me like that any day And I'd be like Thank you so bloody So bloody nice to be here Thank you

No No No So good No No No No

Thank you for answering On behalf of everyone There's only 300 of you So good that you could Whip around so quickly So this is flatwoods. She was right though, in her defence. It was a no.

Yeah. There could be somebody out there very quietly like, actually I have. But now I'm not going to pipe up because Jess will yell at me. Again, sorry and welcome. So this story is about an entity, that's a fun word, reported to have been cited in the town of Flatwoods in Braxton County, West Virginia,

in the US on September 12th. 1952. It's really hard not to sing now. Oh yes. I love that you hesitated and then we're like fuck it, I'm going for it. Follow your gut, yes. Two brothers by the name

of Edward and Fred May. Oh, Ed and Fred. Their parents are not creative. What? No, that's very creative. Ed and Fred. Well, you come up with two other names that rhyme. Good luck. Matt and Pat. I came up

with that. Could you tell that wasn't me that said it? I can't believe that stumped you. No, it was like a comedy stump. I was joking. I guess I could totally think of us and have names. Ed and Fred and their friend Tommy said they saw a bright object cross the sky and land on the property of a local farmer. The boys went to the home of Kathleen May.

I'm presuming that's their mum because their names are Edward and Fred May unless there's multiple May families in the town which is unlikely so let's assume it's their mum I'm happy to go with you on this one you're happy to thank you so much

so they told their mum this story and she went with the three boys plus two other kids they picked up along the way by the name of Neil Nunley that's good and Ronnie Schaever less good alright this is like a some sort of secret agent

Ronnie Schaever really yeah that's your secret agent name Ronnie Schaever any cool name and you go for Ronnie Schaever

yeah hello I'm Ronnie Shaver so sorry sounds to me like a more like a fake name you're in the bathroom you're on the phone I've got a friend

Ronnie Ronnie Gillette. So the group of them go and they've also got a national guard by the name of Eugene Lemon. They are making up these names. I've got heaps of friends.

Fruit bowl and... Dinner plate. When you get dinner plate on the sauce, that guy fucking goes off. He is crazy. So they get this National Guard, Eugene Lemon, and they went to the farm in an effort to locate whatever it was that the boys said they'd seen. The group reached the top of a hill where Neil said, hey saw, hey saw.

He said, hey saw, hey saw. I mean, is this some sort of catchphrase he's trying to get off the ground? Hey, saw, hey sore, am I right? Everyone's like, shut up, Neil. He's that guy who tries to come up with nicknames for himself. It's like, guys, call me Jaguar. I'd have to go on school call himself Maverick

Hey I'm Maverick No you're not Yeah did not catch it Oh I'm pretty sure I've spoken about this on the podcast before In year 8 I tried to For a week Get people to call me Cobra

And to this day I am not called Cobra So feel free to try and get that happening out there It's definitely worth a try Cobra How cool does that sound How much does it not suit you Maybe earthworm

But imagine me I was thinking, yeah, field mouse. I was a lot tougher in year eight. Ow! Don't it, no. I'm really slimmed down since then. That should catch on. No, don't, come on.

Put the phones away. Hashtag cobra. Hashtag earthworm. Okay. I mean, Earthworm is just a shit cobra. Fuck. My point, exactly. Exactly.

Fuck. You're a shit cobra. You think an earthworm is a shit cobra? You're very good at geography. Biology. Less so. Not your strength. Gaborone, the capital of Botswan.

Okay. Thank you. No, I didn't know that one. All right, so Neil said that he saw a pulsing red light. And Lemon said he aimed. a flashlight in that direction and momentarily saw a tall man-like figure with a round red face surrounded by a pointed hood-like shape. Other people also claimed to have seen this creature over the years.

So this is when it sort of started and then it kind of grew from there. Although the description of this creature varied quite a lot. Kathleen May described the figure as having small claw-like hands, clothing-like folds, and a head that resembled the ace of spades. Which bit? The A. The symbol, yeah. They could have chosen any A,

and then were the A's of spades. The Ais. They know their typography. That's so strange. Yeah. There was a UFO writer, sounds like the type of person you want at your dinner party. Gray Barker, making up names.

And he described the figure as a proxswain. 10 feet tall with a round blood red face a large pointed hood-like shape around the face that kind of matches up I like shapes so you could call them eyes had some kind of eye like shape shaped a bit like an eye where eyes would be if only there was a word for that and these eye-like shapes emitted greenish orange light what color is that Greenish orange. Greenish orange. Grorange. I think.

No, yep, you're right. I just forgot momentarily. And it had a dark, black or green body. And the group said they smelled a pungent mist. I mean, Neil. Come on. Which is also a smell called grorange. Pungent. Some of them also said that they later felt quite nauseated. The local sheriff and a deputy had been investigating a report.

of a crashed aircraft in the area and they searched the site of the reported monster but saw, heard and smelled nothing. Which is a normal part of a police report. There's a smell section. Always write it down. We're clear. That is some good detective work.

My guess is definitely the one of the boys farted and blamed the monster. Or shat themselves. I smell a monster. Definitely shat himself. The next day, a reporter from the Braxton Democrat, a reporter called A. Lee Stewart Jr., too many things happening in that name,

claimed to discover skid marks. Neil? And an odd gummy deposit. Neil! Neil! What were you eating last night? That sounds like a dietary issue. Neil needs issues. which were subsequently attributed by UFO enthusiast groups

as evidence of a saucer landing skid marks. Obviously, they have wheels. There was a bit of a media frenzy around this story as well because it was the 50s. And according to former news editor, Halt Burn, now we're talking. Newspaper stories were carried throughout the country. Radio broadcasts were carried on large networks. And hundreds of phone calls were received from all parts of the country.

And the National Press Service rated the story number 11 of that year. So it was pretty big. Ooh, top 11. That's impressive. All right, mate. We would kill to be number 11. Come on. It sounds like it continued to just be an urban legend around the area from then on.

Until in 2000, when Joe Nickel of the Committee for Skeptical Inquiry, or CSI, decided to investigate the case. He concluded that the bright light in the sky reported by witnesses on that fateful day was most likely a meteor. That the pulsating red lights were likely an aircraft, navigation, or hazard beacon, and he suggested that witnesses' perceptions were distorted by their heightened state of anxiety.

Nichols' conclusions are shared by a number of other investigators, including those of the Air Force, but that's what they want you to think. But this was backed up by the fact that the night of September 12, a meteor had been observed across three different states in America, including West Virginia. So that's probably what it was. And he also concluded that the shape, movement, and sounds reported by witnesses

were also consistent with the silhouette, flight pattern, and call of a startled barn owl. They do have eye-like shapes. think about it but could he explain the smell Neil the owl shout at yeah

Neil's really clutching in straws Witnesses had also described the monster to be wearing a green pleated skirt which apparently no one thought was odd well that's consistent with any owl that I know

well researchers believe this is probably just foliage underneath the owl because it was probably perched on a branch as owls do. So that's good. Researchers also concluded that the witness's inability to agree on whether the creature had arms

combined with Kathleen May's report of it having small claw-like hands, which extended in front of it, also matched the description of a barn owl with its talons gripping a branch. Oh. Now these days, local seem to be quite proud of their monster.

They've put up a welcome to Flatwoods slash Home of the Green Monster sign on the route leading into the town. And in celebration of the legend, the Braxton City Convention and Visitors Bureau built a series of five tall chairs in the shape of the monster to serve as landmarks

and visitor attractions. They're really fucking creepy. Why chairs? A great question, Dave. Why not just make a model of the... Yep. West Virginia. The town of Flatwoods also houses a museum dedicated to the monster.

Is that Neil's backyard? It smells because of the monster. Neil still has issues and he's never looked into it. God, I hope. And they also have promotional merchandise at this museum and I really hope they have magnets. Because I want one. The monster legend is celebrated every year

when the town of Flatwoods holds its annual festival called Flatwoods Day. The three-day festival is a weekend of live music, food and craft. Wait, what, none of that mentioned the owl. No. Or other thing you were talking about? Or monster. I blinked with both eyes. Kind of what blinking is, isn't it?

You blinked with both eyes, very good. With my eye like shapes. And finally, Just a little fun fact. Is anybody a fan of the game Fallout 76? Nerds. Nerds. Ha! Sucked in, nerds!

Dave, you were practicing your flossing before. Is that related? Is that not related? I've never flossing. What's flossing got to do with gaming? I don't... What a time to find out. I just think they're probably the two hack jokes about kids today,

and I thought they were from the... same thing. Yeah. That does show your age, doesn't it? That makes sense that they're not connected? No. Yes, Fortnite, the other game. And what did you say?

Fall out. Very different things. Very different things. One of them's cool. Which one? Who fucking knows? All I was going to say is that the monster... Oh, for fuck's sake.

I was not flossing backstage. I cannot have that on Cobra's reputation. That would really ruin things for me. I don't know how. I don't know how. I honestly don't know... Thank you. The first person to ever be arrested for flossing.

Yeah, Dave was flossing up against me out back and it was... No good. I did not hear you complaining. It was very uncomfortable. Look, all I was going to say is that the monster is in the game. That was not worth coming back to. That is my report on the Flatwoods monster. Yes, Perkins!

So what... Now I can relax. What are the two games? Your mum's butt. Okay. A fun time for all. And chess. What is...

So, anyway, I'll ask you later. It's not, yeah. You can't get to it, can you. Are they not both video games? Yeah. And one of them has flossing. And the... Oh, it doesn't matter.

There are people in here who are like, I'm equally baffled, right? Surely. Let's list the games that don't feature flossing. Monopoly. That'll be quicker for you. It was my favourite bit because I get to watch Matt type in his password. It's come, diddily, come, come.

Come, come. C. You. Now you're trying to do the actual password. While out loud spelling come. He can't do both at once. All right. Who wants to hear my...

report yeah well you're in for a bloody treat I've choked for a second there was genuine panic I was like a little boy he's all right he's so cute my question is did you guys come in late you can find seats maybe if you want to or hang at the back yeah that's cool I don't need to talk to you I guess whatever I'm just gonna do this report chat later have you ever played fallout Matt's got questions What is that? Is one of them cowboys? Oh my God.

That's a genuine question. That's not a joke question. My friends do some of these things, I don't know. They do some of it. They play games. Yeah. Okay. Any game ahead, do?

You are frequently on a show about games. Yes. Yes, it is gaming, gaming, game, you fucking legend. All right. I'm going to call Evan later. later. That's for me and that one person. Alright, so here is my question to get on my topic an even better topic than before.

If you thought that was a topic, then wait till you hear. My question is, what kind of mythical creature is said to haunt the Highgate Cemetery in London, one mile from where we are staying? You were there when I realised that last night. Yeah, you got spooked. because it was 1am

and then you said do you want to go and I said now and you said yeah no that's a fun chat we had Jess had

tucked me into bed about two hours early he is not joking she literally tucked him into bed last night it was a great bit it was a great bit she's never off

she's never off I was wearing jeans and I was like can I take him off she's like just go with her so I slept in pants last night Jeans. You call pants underpants. Is this correct? So you weren't wearing pants, but you were wearing jeans?

Oh, free-balling every day. That's how we live our lives. Someone else we realized today, your salt and vinegar chips or crisps... This is not funny to them. That's funny to them. That's their normal. That has, like, really sent me off.

I know there are Aussies in the crowd. That's fucked, isn't it? That's fucked. Green is chicken. Thank you. This chicken. Obviously. Obviously. If you think chicken, you think green.

And even with a few Australians in the crowd, we are so outnumbered. So you're right, we're wrong. Prawn cocktails are normal flavour. Fuck is wrong with this place. I personally like a bit of cheese and onion. There is, I mean, the Queen lives in this country. And you're getting about with green salt and vinegar? It's not right.

Honestly. Anyway, that's what we're here to talk about. Crisps. And you call them crisps. I actually think your crisps are better than our crisps. Your kettle chips are incredible. Just so you know that. You dirty fucking trader.

I also love the chips from Pratt. Oh. Yeah, Greg's. Do Greg's... Even chip. I had to eat a fucking Pratt, Pratt a manger. Tonight, because of this Pratt head, I felt disgusting. Look at this beautiful still water from Pratt.

Anyway. Did I try a salad? I had a toasted sandwich. Why are we still talking about this? And I've also got a pack of crisps from Brett to eat up. for the show so are we sponsored by Pratt no but we should be the amount of times I've brought it up so far on this tour is pretty crazy um did you have an answer for my question I have forgotten oh a dragon uh it's not a dragon it's not a witch it's not a witch give you one more

another black one another monk no do anyone here know this character it's not mole people it's an individual you guys don't know the highgate vampire Oh. Now I'm listening. Dave loves Twilight. So good. The shiny people or whatever. Are you team one of them or team the other one?

Yeah, I'm on team number one. Yeah. Good choice. Whichever one that is. Good choice. Team Eric. Is it all right? I'm on team prawn cocktail.

Yuck. There's something wrong with you. but thank you for having us sorry for yelling at you also not sorry yeah I'm done you can go sorry I didn't know you were still doing a very fun bit thank you so much

the year was 1969 a good year a Londoner nice nice nice we just booked in our seats for the return flight home

and guess who checked us into Rose 69 Both flights. Both flights. I was happy with that. It's going to be funny both times. And the best part is behind that is the row 70 is the unaccompanied miners row. So we'll be like, uh-huh, huh, uh-huh, uh. That'll be so good.

No, we won't. We were definitely not doing that. It's just three grown adults getting on a plate all going, Oh, so it's funny. We're the worst. The year was 1969. A Londoner with an interest in the unexplained named David Ferrant or something like that.

Wrote to local newspaper, The Hampstead and Highgate Express. Am I saying Hampstead? Hampstead. That's not that hard. I mean, I'm just writing it like you've fucking written it. It's weird that the English can't speak their own language. Anyway, the Hampstead.

Stead. Oh, fuck. I mean, we are literally staying in Hampstead East. He wrote to the local newspaper. I've forgotten it again. It's like homestead. Take out the A. It's like a homestead.

The Hampstead and Highgate Express. In his letter, he spoke of seeing a tall, grey, spooky figure in the Highgate Cemetery when he was passing through on Christmas Eve, 1969. Classic Christmas Eve activity, that. You guys all pop down at the cemetery on your way home from...

Church, yes. I find the word spooky pretty funny. Because I know it's supposed to be scary, but it sounds... It's like, you know? Spooky. Fuck off. Yeah, you just wait.

Oh, no. The letter was published in February the following year, and in it, Ferrant, or Farrant, asked if any readers had experienced a similar thing. In the following week's publication, Farrant received multiple replies. These replies described a bunch of different ghosts and mysterious figures that writers had seen haunting the cemetery and surrounds, including a ghost cyclist, a ghost tall man in a hat,

a ghost woman dressed in white, and a ghost swimming in the pond. They were all described differently and there was hardly any overlap in the different description. So people are like, I don't know if they're talking about the same one, maybe there's a lot of ghosts. Maybe all these people are just seeing... A very active ghost!

Two weeks later, the newspaper published an interview with another man named Sean Manchester. He believed that he could elaborate on the mysterious grey man's identity. And in an article headline, does a vampire... Vampier. I mean the 60s I wrote vampire different I guess Does a vampire walk in Highgate?

Question mark Sorry that's how Matt asks questions He wasn't Even though Australians go up at the end of the sentence anyway Matt was never taught that And so he just says a question And finishes it with question mark But we love him anyway

And thank you for accepting him I can hear all of this Talking like I'm not in the bloody room. Manchester spoke of a medieval nobleman who he believed to be buried at Highgate Cemetery. This nobleman, Manchester explained, was a master of black magic when he was alive and that he believed he had recently been resurrected by a Satanist and was now prowling the area at night.

And swimming in the pond. Cycling and dressing up as a woman. Et cetera. Being tall. Being tall. The story was obviously getting some traction with the newspaper's readership as they continued to cover it over the coming weeks.

According to the website Britishparanormal.co.com. On March the 6th, 1970, the Hampstead... Oh my God. You did it. Oh, my heart is racing. The Hampstead and Highgate Express

published an article stating that David Ferrant had found a number of dead foxes in Highgate Cemetery whilst exploring there. Sean Manchester elaborated further by suggesting that these animals had been used as a food source for the vampire that inhabited their cemetery. I was losing momentum there and it started getting the wobbles.

Soon it was alleged that the foxes were discovered with their throat slashed open and drained of all blood. Vampal? Vampal? Vampire. Are they friends of vampires? Vampals? Yeah, the Van Pals.

Oh, that's a good name for the group that comes in soon. Let's call them the Vampals. All right. Vampire Mania started reaching fever pitch with even the mainstream media getting on board. ITV, which is one of the big English TV channels. Did you know that? They broadcast a feature about the vampire

on location at the cemetery. It was broadcast in prime time on Friday the 13th of March. year. Reporter Sarah Harris interviewed Ferrant in Manchester and in the interview Manchester said that Ferrant would be returning after dark to find and behead the vampire. Behead. Behead. Behead. I'm gonna behead. And he went in there, put a big vampire head on and playing head. It's confusing but that is apparently what he meant. The broadcast led to a crowd forming outside the cemetery. Some

Some were curious for a bit of a gander, and others were there with... ...sliding a bit of your lingo. Others were there with weapons ready to take down the vampire single-handedly. But there's a lot of them. Many-handedly. Police were on the scene, but were outnumbered, and many members of the public were able to scale the walls into the cemetery. Perhaps due to the police and the crowd, Ferrant never arrived, and no one was able to find any sign of the vampire. Right.

Oh. Isn't that spook? Isn't it sometimes spookier when you can't see it? But you can feel it. Yeah. Spooky. The television coverage only led to Morpharan. Did he get his own show?

Is that what you mean? It led to Morphorant. They gave him a pilot, then it was picked up from a series, a feature film. He's hit in the big time. Yeah, he still hosts a comedy talk show here. It's called...

Late Night with a Groucher. Graham Norton. Yeah, he had a big change up in his face and name. It led to Ferrant attracting more heat from the cops, and in August they arrested him inside the Highgate Cemetery, holding a crucifix and a wooden stake. At his trial, he was cleared of any criminal wrongdoing. Apparently it was okay for him to be there at any time of that stage.

It hadn't been outlawed at that time. Although, according to MysteriousTimes.com, Police would lay together enough photographic evidence of Ferrant's nocturnal forays to successfully jail him in 1974. On charges of maliciously damaging a vault and interfering with a corpse. What's he doing? Giving it a buddy's wood. For those at home, Jess is doing the finger mutt. Finger dick into the hand mutt and, um...

Oh, I knew that was coming. I guess that's assuming this episode has ever released. He, yeah, I assume he was, you know... Fuckin it. No, I assumed he was taken out his wooden steak and putting it into its orifices. Is that what they call it here? Taking out your wooden steak.

That's what I call it. Sorry. Then maybe this will put your mind at ease. France's excuse for these illegal visits was that he was just trying to communicate with a mysterious figure. You want me to stab this body? This one?

Okay. Mysterious Times mentions that France Autobiography makes reference to his role as both a psychic investigator and Wicken with an equivalent high mark of a...

with an equivalent rank of high priest. Oh, okay. So I think he knows. or what he's talking about. The Mysterious Times article goes on to say that he has since changed his public position, though, about vampire, stating that he did not. He never did.

And he doesn't believe in the existence of undead blood-sucking creatures. He never said that. He never said that. He definitely, definitely said that. Yeah. On the other hand, Manchester seems to still be all in and has written a book on the events.

In the book, he says the vampire was at one point after a girl he knew named Louisa, a mysterious girl that he didn't really explain too much about. And as chivalry is undead, he protected her. That's my joke of the thing. And I wrote it probably about 15 minutes ago, and I said to Jess, I think I just wrote a joke. But it also might have just been a short sentence

that didn't fully make sense. I wasn't sure until then, and I realised it was the latter. Okay. Chivalry is undead. That is good stuff. Maybe too clever for this crap? I think so.

One night he followed Louisa while she was sleepwalking. Sorry, who's following who at this day? Manchester's, Sean Manchester's following Louisa. He's following her while she's sleepwalks. Yeah, a girl, a young blonde girl who said he's going to look after because the vampire's after her. Right. And where is she sleepwalking?

to the cemetery. Okay. And she goes to one tomb in particular, all while still in this hypnotic, trancy sleep. More like Manchester, more like Manchester. Manchester took this to be a sign that that that coffin that she went to in particular was the vampire's lair.

He assembled a crack squad of vampire hunters, who we call the vamp pals. Yeah, the vampals are here. I've read somewhere that there was about a hundred of them but that seems ridiculous but I also don't really believe any of this so what's more ridiculous than that alright so a hundred of them

a bridge too far mate so this big crew of vamp friends van pals go to the cemetery where they break in they get in without the police noticing them and head for the catacombs that Luisa previously led them to they weren't able to get in through the gate of that particular

catacomb though so Manchester climbed on top of the thing you know those catacombs like building things I guess and he absailed in through a hole in the roof he's written this whole thing himself and then

I had like... Shot a gun sideways like a kill shot and everyone with me were wearing bikinis and did a sweet commander role sure Manchester isn't in tonight is he the lack of

applause makes this feel awkward Do you guys all know him? Is this guy your dad or something? Is he all of your dad? He's a London guy, I'm sure he's a great guy. And all of your dad? There they found, once they got in, they found a vampire resting in its coffin.

Okay. Okay. What? This is Manchester's account. He found a vampire. There was no journalist. with them unfortunately or any authorities, but Manchester said they found the vampire.

It was there resting in its coffin, but for some reason Manchester was talked out of driving a stake through his heart by his posse, by the vampus. No, I don't think you should. Apparently one of them said, no, we've got to get the proper clearance for this. Who fraud? From the queen?

How do you know it's a vampire and not a body of a normal dead person? Normal, sorry. Just. Sorry to shame any vampires in. What about the fangs? Were there fangs? The cow.

Was there a cow? Widows Peak. Was there any of that? Yes. I assumed so. Matt? Yes. Was there?

Yes. Matt. I can't go any hog. So they talked him out of driving a steak through his heart. Instead, he put down clothes of garlic and sprinkled some holy water before performing an exorcism, which he can do. and leaving. Self-taught, I believe, but still. The catacoon was later sealed properly by the cemetery, which you'd assume is to stop people like them getting back in,

but Manchester said, nah, he told them to and that he made them use special garlic-infused concrete. He can get fucked. Three years later, Manchester talks of tracking the vampire to an abandoned house. He's still on the scent. Probably from that garlic. garlic concrete is not working unbelievable

I love garlic anything to be honest garlic concrete fuck yeah just saying yeah like that hard rock hard preterm manger bread I think you find it's toasted to perfection not like that soft and fluffy Greg's pastries

yeah it just falls apart in your hands what is happening so he tracked it down tracked the vampire down over a few years, found it three years later in this house where it was living now. So it's a person. Oh, it's a vampire?

It's a person living in a house. But it's got like a lease and everything. Yeah. Got a job. You got a do. You got to do. And he was there with an off-sider and he ended up killing it and burning the corpse. Oh, okay. That's murder. That's straight up murder.

No, it would have been if wasn't a vampire and he wasn't saving everyone's alive. Yeah, you're right. a hero. The corpse, the corpse disintegrated, like in the movies and stuff. What, like ash when it's burned? Yeah. Much like that. Sorry, I'm forgetting

this is from his point of view, so this all makes sense. His off-sider was meant to film the events, but was so overwhelmed that he forgot to. Oh, I forgot. Well, I'm so sorry. Manchester and France are now

kind of enemies. They don't talk anymore and have been publicly attacking each other's legitimacy. On a blog I was reading, one of them was in the comments. Just commenting on blogs. So cool. I love it. The Mysterious Times article, which I really enjoyed, concludes saying,

The Highgate Vampire is a bizarre fusion of fantasy, fused with reality and hammer horror. Armed with this knowledge and the dubious recollections of both Ferrant and Manchester, it is little wonder this most baffling piece 20th century London law is best viewed as legend. To both protagonists, though, it is more than that. The publicity they have received continues to feed both men's status as minor esoteric celebrities.

They continue to engage in a bitter feud fought through fiber optic cables. The most dangerous of all fights. The modern day Van Helsings. But do not be too harsh against either man. Just consider how many similar events involving supernatural phenomena are constructed on shifting or swampy ground. The paranormal relies upon human mouths and hands to forge its greatest episodes.

How good is that writing? Pretty good. That's the end of my report. One quick fun fact, though, this cemetery, it seems to be more famous for the Highgate vampire, but it's actually the cemetery where Karl Marx is buried. And now that is, it's gone back to being a place

where communists go. to pray, so it has all come back full circle. That is my report. Thank you so much. Let's do it. If anybody at the bar wants to grab a vodka lemonade, I'd take it off your hands if you want. Do you guys believe that?

It was worth a try. Did I believe the vampire? Yeah. Ferrant and Manchester? You a manhead or a fan boy? Far, far, fan. I'm a manhead. Yeah.

Oh, but I'm a frant boy. Yeah, I thought that would split you guys. Did anyone here heard of that now that I'd talk too much about it? Still no. This water, it's just around the corner. As far as I know. Where are we? We are still in London, right?

Yep. All right. Well, I have a report right here to do. Oh, thank you. Right here to do. My topic is multiple myths in one place. So I'm going to give this question to Justin Matt, and if they don't know, then maybe one of you will.

In 1989, which village was named by Guinness World Records as the most haunted village in all of England? I mean, you're the geography one. Swapshire? No. Is that something? What about, what's that, we drove through that place? What was it called again?

Birmingham. Matt, we did two shows there. We didn't drive through it. Are you okay? You know the answer to that. Does anyone know the answer to the most haunted village? It is Pluckley. Three people said it.

I still don't know what that word is. Pluckly? Pluckly. Pluckly. Pluckley. Probably spell with a cue or something. No, it's like Pluck. PL U-C-K. Pluck.

Okay. Pluckley is a small picturesque village located in. Kent in Southeast England. Do we have any pluckers in tonight? A few kents though. A couple of kents. Pluckley has a population of about

1,000, so I doubt any of them came out tonight. But to be the most haunted village in England, how haunted do you have to be? Well, according to Pluckley's website, pluckley.net, quote, it is reputed to have 12,

possibly 13 or 14 ghosts, which is so specific. Is that specific? 12 or 13 or 14? 12 to 14, ish. To give a bit of sizzle of the horrors we are about to hear, website Kent Live describe some of the ghosts. Quote, the village just outside of Ashford,

boasts a phantom headmaster, a dying highwayman, a Victorian lady, and a flickering light. Now that. That's spooky. Because of all this spooky material, Pluckley has become a real destination for paranormal investigators from around the world, and it's also the scene for a number of paranormal TV shows,

including the famous TV channel ITV. ITV show Strange but True, question mark. And also most haunted midsummer murders. And the 90s comedy drama series, The Darling Buds of May, starring David Jason and Catherine Zetter. Jones. What a spooky combo. So basically, I'm going to go through some of these 12 to 14 ghosts and you tell me whether

you believe them. Okay. Matt, do you understand the rules? Yeah, yeah. Buzz in when you have an answer. One of the scariest sounding destinations in Pluckley is the screaming woods. This forested area just outside of the village is really named Daring Woods and a reputed

to be the most haunted woods in all of Britain. They're nicknamed Screaming Woods because it is said to be rife with the screams of long-dead men and women who became lost in the sea of trees. I've looked at it on a map at its widest point it's only one kilometres across. So if those lost people

that just kept walking in any direction for 10 minutes, they would have been found. Screaming woods. They just go like, all right, I've got to get, oh, it's too hard. Just give up This is where I die

I just want to utilise all this space we have I love it I'll just sit back here for a bit So that's screaming wood Jess you can also act out Another popular area for haunting and pluckly Is a place called Fright Corner So much, thank you

I was the drama captain of my high school You can tell Nobody puts Jess in Fright Corner That drink I had was a double And I feel pretty good In the 18th century This is Fright Corner An unknown highwayman was killed with a sword

After a fight broke out Between him and the local law Who ran a sword through him And pinned him to the tree with the sword E. Legend has it that a ghostly reenactment Of that deadly battle Is played out on the spot of the murder

Also inhabiting Fright Corner is The Watercrested Lady Matt, do you want to feel this one? No. She was by a few counts, a bit of a local character. A traveller who paid her way by selling Watercrest to the locals. Her two trademarks were a pipe and a bottle of gin. But one evening, she fell asleep.

Makes it sound like she fell asleep. Unlike every other evening. She's like, I'm going to give this a go. The pipe dropped onto a gin-soaked clothing. Within seconds, she had erupted into a rage. ball of fire. She was found the next day, a charred pile of ashes. The battered old flask and the shattered clay pipe lying nearby. In the years that followed her tragic death, she appeared as a screaming, howling figure surrounded by flame. But these days, she's calmed down a bit and is more often

seen as a ghostly figure just sitting on the bridge. She's over the fire phase of her life. You probably get used to it after one, don't you? I'm bored of this. Dave, what's a watercrest? You know, watercress. You don't fucking know. It's like a herbie vegetable thing, right? Yeah, yeah, no, just double chicken.

He was making sure you knew what it was. Watercrest. She's the watercrest lady. She's like a herb. It's like a herb. It's like a herb. It's killing you out there. It's watercress.

No, Tew. on the end. What a crest. Most of you were being polite but one of you was like crest, crass. I'm sure I've said this before

but for a long time I thought biceps were biceps. I just love putting a tea on it. Give me a word, I'll chuck a tea on it. Cress, okay? I'll do this one, Crest.

Crest, thank you. Wow. It's so good to watch him work. Oh wow. King of Crowd, That work, baby. Another place in Pluckley is St. Nicholas's Church, which is a place where you get two ghosts for the price of one.

Haunted by two apparitions. One is called the Red Lady and the other one is called the White Lady. I feel like I've heard of these ones. Are they famous? Well, these are two of the more famous ones in the town. I love this line from Kent Live, the website. A red lady is said to search the graveyard. Whilst a white lady has been seen within the church. Racist. No, I just remember there's a

There's a company back in Australia It's a funeral home White Lady funerals That's what I was thinking of I have heard of it But yeah, it's probably not connected And again, racist They only do funerals for white ladies

My father died Beep, beep My Nana's funeral was through White Lady I'm not lying Why would you lie about that? What a weird lie. A lie, a lot of the compulsive liar. I'm not lying.

All right. I say that a lot. The white lady was a young woman who was apparently buried inside seven coffins. Too many. They really didn't want her to get out. One'll do.

And then how big is the seventh one? It's like a babushka doll. Three more or two last. Thank you. Seven is too many For those you've never been I'm weird with numbers Not sure why

Could be on a spectrum, unsure Why, I mean is it Is that logical? Shall we just make one thicker coffin? A garlic concrete coffin Exactly, thank you Concrete coffin is fun to say as well Have a go

Concrete coffin Oh, oh concrete coffin Just like that I can do it just like that Just like that You're amazing So a bit about the white light The White Lady haunts

Nicholas' church and the inside of the library of her former family home which was destroyed by fire. The White Lady's specter was repeatedly seen at Surrend and daring by employees of the US Embassy which occupied the manor house

between the two world wars. It claimed a man called Mr. Walter held a lonesome vigil one Christmas Eve in the library. She appeared before him so he shot her apparition with his rifle. Mr. Walter wasn't bright.

He wanted to be. to see her. He held a vigil. She turned up, he's like, I was not ready for this. So, shooting. Sounds like he was ready for this. Yeah, actually. What sounded? What side did the gun make? That's a great question.

I think Matt will feel this one. So what era is this? Between the two World War, so let's say 50s. No, that's wrong. 30s? Big reaction there. That was me. implying that there is a third world war imminent

between the second and third world war please are 1930s yeah okay I know those ones pretty well and it's a rifle a rifle sure was that it no that was me clear in my three oh

that was it that was it wow it is such a privilege to watch you work once again I don't did I mention that Self-taught, yes. Some people think, oh, how many years did you study noise? And, I mean, sure, every day.

I study noise, I listen. Hey, put away your exercise books and your bloody laptop computers and use... You got all the stationery you need. I think the teacher's drunk. Stationery you need I hear. I got to go. I'm going to have a nap.

You're not my real class. The Red Lady is called the Red Lady because of a red rose left on her grave. And because of the Red Lady, the Church of St. Nicholas has long been a must see place for people interested in this paranormal activity. This story is listed on the London Walking Toers website. They run a tour in Pluckily. This is how they get you in. In the early 1970s, in the hope of recording supernatural phenomena, a group of psychic research is persuaded then rector, the Reverend John John. Piddick to allow them to spend a night locked inside the church.

When the vicar came to let them out the next morning, they complained of having spent an uneventful night, the boredom of which had been alleviated only by the vicar's dog, who had come to visit them from time to time. Actually, the vicar commented, I don't have a dog. Yes! Yes, that's my favourite type. I love that.

Like, why, there hasn't been a dog around these here, pa. No, 30 years. That is my favourite. I don't have a dog. That was my wife. Dave. As the feminist on the podcast, I like to say, that is not on, sir.

You take that back. Guy you were, that character you were doing there. It's hard, you know. You're not always the most popular when you're being the most feminist, but... The standard you walk past is the standard you accept. That's right.

Yeah, good for you. I think we all learned something here tonight. And that is to stop talking, Matt. The daring family were Lords of the Manor in the Pluckley area between the 15th century and World War I. Well, those daring seem to get up to a bit of hanky-panky because one of them, what a place called Rose Court for his mistress, these days known as the Tudor lady, who haunts the town.

She smells of tuna or? She eats, she eats tuna? She haunts tuna. She haunts tuna. She haunts junior. I want to have a little mini break. Okay. Do you want to go in that corner?

All right. Matt's on timeout. No, no. Bye, man. At Rose Court. What's that? The hard part about doing a kind of fake walk office is it's always hard to figure out the time to come back. and that's the predicament Matt's in at the moment

He's back Thank you so much What I miss Well after a long day of gross hunting You want to get away from it all With a drink at the local pub But Even the black horse pub in the area

Is said to be haunted by spirits Black Horse Black Horse I'm not going to ask that question This is the Black Horse pub I love this With an invisible hand that moves items on the bar and sometimes hide purses and tidies mess.

Oh, stop doing the dishes. So you're wondering, where can you get a drink in peace? Well, last Halloween, moonpig.com, started selling evil spirits gin, its main ingredients reportedly coming from pluckily. Each bottle of the green-coloured gin was personally cursed by a real witch named... Is that a guarantee?

We'll personally curse each bottle Well the name of that witch is Miss Julian White Who was also a part-time screenwriter I don't know why I found that's so funny Part-time witch, part-time screenwriter Oh, you've got to be these days, creatives, you know You gotta do multiple things At nights she drives Uber

I enjoyed how I just said Uber Uber Uber Go have the Australian vernacular So, how do you say? How do you say? How do you say? A certain...

A genusacro. There it is. Well, Miss Julian White put a spell on every drink and the spell, quote, empowers the drinker to follow whatever their heart's desire, whether it is for good or evil. During the distillation, the gin was infused with possessed apples and mince. And min grown in Plutley. It was available for 13 pounds.

There you go. Possessed apples. Fuck off. So to wrap up here... That's why I don't eat fruit. It's not good for you. Is Pluckley really haunted? Well, this is debated across the internet.

Many claiming that some of the stories were just made up in the 20th century for publicity. Sadly, Guinness World Records no longer recognises the most haunted tantal. in England, mainly because they now focus on world records. I have to admit I myself was quite a sceptic when I came to this, but then I came across this real-life anecdote on a Kent message board. And it instantly changed my mind.

This was submitted by a user called Susie 21, just over a year ago. On her way home... Sorry, I don't think that's what Susie sounds like. Years ago... It was a fuggie old night. foggy old night and visibility on the roads out there wasn't great when it's out in the sticks suddenly loud oh no it was solid and as i was approaching our car i pointed it out to one of my sons it went under my car and out to the other side i have never seen anything like that before and i was

eating chips oh my god i can't believe her 21 finishes. A haunted. Of course, one or two stories would have been made up over the years, but not all. And if that wasn't enough to convince you, on the same message board a man named

Marco 929, just wrote, The most frightening thing about Pluckley are the house prices. And that is my reporter Pluckley. Wow. Wow. What do you reckon? That sound... I mean, there's 12, 133.

13 or 14 ghosts there, one of them's got to be real. Yeah, I reckon it's definitely the yellow fog that made her chips cold. I'm with you, I was a naysayer until the cold chip incident. Really, really... There's nothing that explains that. It has to be paranormal.

I reckon, yeah, the stray dog who was there for a bit, that was fucking spine tingling. Yeah, yeah. Can you imagine that, a dog's been there for a bit? No, I mean, that dog, it couldn't have come from anywhere, it must have been from the other side. I do, I love that.

No, it was great, Dave. I reckon they're all true. And there are a few Kent's in tonight. Is that right? Are we near Kent? We're not too far from Kent? Not that far, South East England. Are people genuinely from Kent?

Wow. Yes, again, one has taken a... Well, I mean, I think in this case, when you're saying yes, if you're from Kent. You're right? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. about that. It's been a long trip.

I'm a little cranky. My chips went cold earlier. That's upset me. That's upset me. Can we get chips on the way home, please? Yes. Thank you. That is yes, definitely.

But that does bring us to the end of the show. Thank you so much for coming out to our final show of the UK tour, London. You have been fantastic. Seeing as this is our last show, would you guys mind if we, take a photo with you guys in the background would you mind that? Would it be possible get the house slides up for a sec?

Al, will that be okay? Thank you so much. And while we're doing that, can we have a big round of balls for Al and everyone here at the venue? Thank you. Thank you so much, Al. We love it here. Oh, nice. And he's going to come on stage now,

ladies and gentlemen, this is Mark Chatterley from In-Air Entertainment. He's the main reason we are here, so thank you so much, Mark. We really appreciate that. He made it all happens. Thanks so much, Mark, your bloody legend. And then after the show, if anyone wants to, we'll be, did Dave already say that?

No. I have not said anything. We're going to be down that corner over there, signing or meeting or whatever. You say I've never done this pitch part at the end. Jess is real good at it. Even calling it a pitch was weird. You feel free to fuck off, it doesn't matter at all. I don't need, I don't need to shake your hand.

Okay. That's not about me. Okay, okay, okay. Shh. Sorry. Our chips went cold earlier. Very stressful. You understand.

We will be in the back corner. We've got some posters. We may have some t-shirts left. A handful of t-shirts left. If you want to come up and say hello, you're more than welcome to you. You are allowed to leave. That's fine.

We'll just be up there, and it's seriously blown our mind that we've been able to come over to the UK at all, let alone doing our biggest show ever here. So truly, thank you so much. Thank you. It's absolutely amazing. Thank you. Now look excited.

Thanks so much, everyone. I couldn't see you, but did you look excited? Thanks, mate. Did they? Yeah. Oh, you panicked. I'm so sorry. You were not expecting that, and he went, oh, maybe? And that's a fair answer, yep.

That does bring us to the end of the tour, and the end of the tour. And England and both England and Scotland have been so, so kind to us on this tour. So as a mark of respect, We've decided to end the show by playing your national anthem. Hit it, Al! I don't know it from here on! I want to die. Oh, that's the end.

Thank you so much, London. Good night! I wasn't sure if it would day, but that really holds up. I mean, I love that we decided to sit here, listen back together, laugh at all the best moments, mainly laughing at our own jokes and not the others. I'm pretty soft. I yawned at yours. Yeah.

There was... I was... I just happy to get. get some reaction. Sometimes I said the word yorn. I remember there being a real funny line about Greggs probably. Yeah, we found the human button in the UK. It's a little thing called Gregs.

If you don't know what that is, look it up. Two Gs. We'd never really explained to him in the show. Or three Gs. Yeah, it's like some sort of bakery. It's like... Bakery with sandwiches and other treats. And you should get a sausage roll.

What is it? What are you doing? Get a sausage roll! What you're doing? I love that girl. Best heckle of my life. Because I got a fruit salad at Greg's. Yeah.

Get a sausage raw. What you doing? What you're doing? You did really fuck up in getting a fruit salad, you idiot. Do you remember when we were in that, Greg's actually in Edinburgh. I dropped that chocolate moose. Yes. That was full line of people.

I'm sort of browsing the fruit salads and I knock a chocolate moose. It falls on the floor. Goes flying. It hit a guy's foot. I had to apologize. And then I thought, do I have to? to buy this? But no.

I didn't. He just put it straight back. So someone got my gross moose from the floor. I mean, the moose itself didn't go on the floor. You're welcome Greg's customer. I mean, they just got a chocolate moose, really. And if any day that I get a chocolate moose is a good day. And if they're listening, now I want chocolate moose.

Please indulge. Please enjoy. I love saying it. Love telling people to enjoy their meal. Enjoy. Please, indulge. Enjoy your meal. Enjoy.

It's my new addiction. Bon Appet. Oh, love it. That is an unhealthy addiction, Dave. I walk around restaurants and just whisper it. We are worried about you. It's going to get you killed. You said that to the wrong person.

Yeah. They're going to be like, what do you mean by that? Because then they're going to think you poison them. Turns out there in the mafia. Then they take you out the back. And they just mean to like, just like shake you up a little bit and scare you. But you've got a tiny little heart and you just... Do you have a tiny heart?

Yeah. He's tiny. It's a real problem. All right. So, yeah. So tiny a small. Sophophagus, tiny butt, tiny anus, and a tiny heart. Yeah.

Is there anything about you that isn't tiny? Big personality. Big personality. Big baby blue eyes. End of list. Big heart of hair. Big forehead. Big forehead.

Big hat of hair. Big ego. Surprisingly big ego. Big belief in himself. Yeah. Big potential. Yeah. Okay.

Again, there's that ego. Big sex appeal. No, right. Big charisma. He's doing that little frog face he does. Big. Stop, please. Honesty.

No. Big. Big self-awareness. Yeah, big self-awareness. That's the word I'm looking at. I was going to say, big, realistic. Big words? Real big.

Really big. Anyway, we thank you so much for listening to that live episode. We are now here to break it down for our Patreon. supporters. And basically, if you are one of them or if you're not one of them, but you want to be part of an exclusive crew that supports the show and people that we all love every single one of them and you want to buy our love, you can go to patreon.com slash do go on pod. And in exchange for support of the show, maybe you listen every week. You want to give back to the free podcast. What you can do is give us a little bit of money every month. And then we will give you rewards

in exchange, including shout-outs, two bonus episodes every month. You get advance warning on tickets, for example, when we're in the UK, the shows were all sold out. but then some of the shows we were told by the venue, oh, can you get five more people in. So who do we tell first? I tell the Patreon people. And often those tickets, you know, just got sold. Yeah.

Often. No, I meant just to the Patreon people. So we never, some of the venues didn't even have to open up to the, the plebs of the public. Hey, we love the plebs. No, we do, we do. But if you can't, obviously, if you can't afford to support the show monetarily, you can always tell a friend.

Remember, we're encouraging you now to steal a phone, download the, Of a friend, momentarily, download a podcast app if they don't have one or if they do, just make sure they have, do go on listening there and maybe we'll get a new or something. Yeah. Download a podcast app. Subscribe to do go on. Cops are coming.

Shit, you're panicking. Throw the phone into the river. Run. Run, God damn it. They're on your tail. It's a really, it's a five-step process. What happens from there? That's up to you.

That's next week. I'll keep that story going next week. A new segment on the show called Matt talks a bit. I like it. We need more. Here's another one of the great segments of this show, and it is brought to you by a Patreon listener each week. It's called fact quote or question.

Has that jingle go? Fact quote or question. We have our listeners send in some jingles as well, which have been great. And we've got to drop them in more often. Jess, if you do remember to, drop one in here. If not, just leave a moment of silence there. Thank you. In memory of the jingle we didn't play. This week's fact quote or question comes from Odie Matthews. It's his second entry into the fact quote or question segment. It's quite an exclusive tier of this. So people, you do get a second go. Yeah, we've had people get through two or three or four.

four. Well, not four. I must be bloody honest with ourselves for a second. You don't mean a bloody golf half-cocked. But we, yeah, it's because there aren't heaps of people in this section. We do get through a few of you. And Odie gets to give himself a title. That's part of this, part of the fun of this.

He's giving himself the title of CEO of Dugo Undies. Dogo Undies. Oh, that's good. That is good. That's a company. I think it's, I think Dave maybe came up with that. Is that true? Bloody hell.

Who knows what we've talked about in the past, but it feels like that's something we want. Yeah, I do vaguely remember it. I have no memory of it. I think it might have been me. I think it should. Because Ellen has her own undies. And we are as good, if not better, than Ellen.

I bet I ask at the time, is her face on them? I think so. Because we should get our faces on underpants. Bart or front? I think I'd like to be on the front. Great. All right, Dave. We're not here to live out your fantasies, mate.

Well, you're on the hip, so whatever, loser. Yeah, he's a hip dude. One on the hip, two on the lip. As we always say here. Anyway, Odie's fact quota question this week is a fact. Thank goodness because you couldn't pronounce the word question there. Question. Question.

Question. This is from Odie. Odie says there are roughly 45 million kangaroos worldwide, and there are 12 million people in Ohio. So if there was an instance that kangaroos invaded Ohio, each individual would have to fight off a minimum of three to four kangaroos. He said this might not be 100% accurate, but around the numbers based on 2017 data,

and it's pretty close and combines kangaroos with the podcast's favorite state Ohio. I reckon I could take three to four kangaroos, Joey's. Yeah, but you're not an Ohioan. I'm just saying. Oh, just so. Three to four kangaroos. Wait, do you say joey's baby kangaroos? Yeah.

You're a monster. You absolute monster. Well, have you seen how big the red ones are? They're massive. Yeah. Like they lean back on their tails and kick. I'm just saying if I got to pick the three or four that I fought, obviously I'm going to pick an easy fight and save myself.

They've got some sort of talent where they'll gut you as well. They're not, yeah, they're pretty vicious. 45 million is quite impressed. I would have, if I had a guess, I would have said 10% of that. that. Yeah, probably. That's heaps. And also they have to work out transport because I imagine most are in Australia to get

to Ohio. Yeah, true. Even, I mean, even if they took on Australia, which I'd say a lot of those kangaroos are in Australia. Where else would they be? That would be, that's nearly two kangaroos to a person in Australia. There's about 25 million Australians and 45 million kangaroos. So if you do the maths there.

I don't think I could take a kangaroo So I reckon I'll give Jess, can you do four? Yeah, but I reckon your best chance is just look pathetic And little and neat Oh, you're doing it!

Oh, thank you And then it will just put you in its pouch. That's what I'd do in any war And I'd hope to be put in my opponent's pouch Yep No matter what the circumstance Take your on as a little Joey. So anyway, is that how you wanted that to go,

Odie? Thank you so much for writing in with that I love an out. I was thinking outside of the box with a fact there. Love that. Beautiful fact. And we'll have another fact quote or question next week. That's exciting.

Bit of sizzle. Bit of sizzle. For next week. Oh, big time. Now, to end this little segment of thanking Patreon supporters. Let's thank some Patreon supporters. That would be so nice. The lifeblood of this podcast.

That is absolutely right. Now, we did just speak about myths. And or legends. We did. Now, obviously, these people are already legends in our eyes. But Jess, do you have any idea of how we could thank these people? No. Well, maybe so, like we talked about the vampire of Highgate,

maybe these could be a something of their town. My thinking is... That's not a bad idea, Jess. We get something, so, for example, like the vampire. Of where? Of a high gate. Oh, okay.

These people, these patrons could be the sump thing of their town. Okay, that's great. Thank you so much. I owe you one. I just needed it to look like it was my idea because it's my thing. Yeah.

But I'm pretty bad at it. So thank you for that. You're very good at it. Thanks, babe. Okay. On with the pot. Well, hey, how about I kick off by thanking a man who I, believe is from Canada.

And maybe... No. Damn it. No, that's right. That's right. It is right. I'm sorry. I just had to do it.

No. He's wrong, Goddam. I just spat water everywhere. No. Incorrect. Try again. What do you reckon? Is it?

It's not Canada? No, it is. I'm so confused. He's from Moncton in NB, California. No, Canada. There's something wrong with you. You've freaked me. Look, I'll come clean and tell you.

I was just going to say, my voice was wrong. I meant to say, my delivery, I meant to say from Canada, I meant to say, no. From Canada, but I went, no. It sounded like I was shutting you down. No, incorrect. No.

No. Now, let me tell you that I'm just looking at Moncton here. This is quite impressive. It's in New Brunswick. Ah, we're in old Brunswick. That's right. Just Brunswick. That's very easterly Canada.

Very easterly. I should say, because there could be plenty of Moncton's listening, I should say that the person I'm thinking is Mr. Dean Brett. Dean Brett, the man with two first names. I love that. Oh, I love that. You love that. I love that.

He sounds like a character from an early 90s TV show to me. Dean Brett. Dean Brett. Sounds like an all-American Canadian. Yes. And he's the something of Moncton. I mean. The Dean?

Yes. The University Town Dean? Yes. The Dean of Moncton. And what is, I mean, is he some sort of a super good guy or? Yeah. Super natural. No, very progressive.

Very progressive. Yeah, so progressive that people think that he has superpowers. Wow. Because he's so progressive, he's sort of accepting of people that we don't even know exist. Yeah. You're talking like the Canadian president kind of progressive? Yeah, but just on a much smaller scale. Because he's a dean of Moncton.

He's basically the Canadian Justin Trudeau. Yeah. Yeah. That is what we're trying to say. Does that help you? Does that put it into context for you? Help me a little bit. Okay.

Yeah. Hey, we're happy to help. I really appreciate that. The Dean of Moncton. You have done such little work for Dean there. You've taken his first name and the city he's from. Hey, you can bet on him because he's a sure Brett. I was trying to get anything to do with Brett.

I've never hated you more. That's a worst thing that's ever been said on this podcast. I'm pretty sure we've had worse. In fact, I'd Brett my life savings on it. I'm just trying to give Dean more of a moment because I just said, his name and then where he's from Yeah, I'm sure he's grateful for this moment you've given him When we meet people at shows, sometimes they go up and say,

Hey, I'm a Patreon supporter, you said I was the son And often it's like a pretty cool sounding name or people change their Twitter bio to blah blah blah of blah blah But it's this Dean of Moncton Sorry, dude Yes, that is right, I am Dean of Moncton And now for my nickname that you will give me Oh, that's it, okay When we do our Canadian show, I'm sure you'll be there, Dean.

You'd be like, it's me, Dean from Moncton, you know, the Dean of Moncton. And we'll apologise in person. Yep. You better bred it. Believe it. I want to say believe it. You better be Dean it. Yes.

That is better bread it. You better be bread it. Regret it. Oh, fucking hell. Give up. Yeah, I'm so sorry, Dean. Thanks so much for your support. Brett, go with the next one.

Fuck you. Oh, man. Next guy. He's set himself up for another bland Dave. A bit of work here from Officer in Victoria. It's Ben Giel. G-G-G-U-I-L-E. G-U-I-L-E.

There'd be something silent in there. Is that G-E-L-E? I reckon it's all silent. Ben, he. I reckon that's Gwil. I reckon that's Ben, the officer of Victoria. No, I'll give you something more, Ben. The gentleman.

Of officer? Because it's something of officer. Like an officer and a gentleman. Yeah, the gentleman of officer. All right, you think it's something then, Captain Judgey over there? Okay, I'm going to, I think he, I'm getting, just this is off a vibe. I reckon he is the drumming ghost. I love this.

Of officer. Which, do you know what officer is? Yeah, it's out east of Melbourne. It's probably a suburb almost. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it's a suburb. But it's very foresty, I think. I missed what you said.

It's in the beautiful east. He is the ghost drummer of officer. Yeah. So, like, people hear drumming. coming from another room. They're like, why does someone, the drumming is coming from inside the house? And then they go into the room, but there's no one there. Potentially even the drum kit's a ghost.

Wow. Ghost drum kit. Nah, nah, nah, nah. And they're kind of a duo. Yeah. The ghost drummer and the ghost drum kit. But also, it's like ghosts can kind of appear, he actually has to transport his drum kit. It's really annoying for him.

It's quite tedious. Wanting. You see him going, he's walking in and out, the bass drum, lugging it out. First ever ghost to have a roadie. Do his ghost car? Other ghosts don't have to have a car, but he's got a gear with him, so. And he's got a ghost roadie. But what's he going to do?

That's a regular roadie. It's just a guy called Phil that he pays. Phil's on minimum wage. What's he going to do, not play the drum? He's a ghost drummer. Yeah. So. That's his thing.

He wishes that he was the ghost keyboard player. But early on, he chose the dress. Ghost singer, that's what he really is. You just wail. The ghost wail. Oh, it's beautiful. It said it's just double kicks up the wazoo. Double kicks.

Can I thank some people as well? Please do. Thank you, Ben. I would like to thank from West Footscray. A beautiful neck of the woods. Not far from here. The wonderful West. CJ Diamond.

Holy molly. Wow, that is a cool name. Yeah. So cool that I think it's fake. You think that of every name though. But Diamond, come on. Diamond, that was Diamondbag. Darrell's initial nickname.

Before he was Diamondbag, he was Diamond Darrell. Oh, okay. As you two would recall from the Pantera episode. Obviously. Absolutely. That Pantera episode where I was very well. And of course, Vinnie Paul on Ghost drums. That's right.

See, I listened to a bit. I listened a bit. What high praise you get for your reports. And CJ, actually, sorry, CJ, one second. Many, many people, I would say over 10 people, which to be honest, is higher than any other episode that people were mentioning. Came up to us in the UK after the shows and said, thanks, Matt, I listen to Pantera now because of that episode. Yeah. Many people.

That was interesting. 10 plus. I reckon, yeah, I reckon 10 to 12. Oh, because of your passion. Yeah, it's great. Look, I'd love to take all the praise, but I think Pantera did a lot of the work there. I don't know about that. I mean, every band needs a hype man.

I just realized that Vinnie Paul is a ghost drummer now. Oh. I forgot about that too. But we're done with ghost drummers. All right, so CJ Diamond from West Footscray. The something of West Footscray. The Pied Piper. Oh, I was going to go for podiatrist.

The Pied Pied podiatrist. Foot Scray. Oh, footscray, sorry. So they go around. inspecting feet and that makes rats follow them. Yep. Is it a blessing or a curse? Yeah, I mean, that's a ghost life, isn't it?

Every ghost life is a blessing and a curse, baby. They're a ghost as well. Ah. All right, let's get this straight. I forgot they weren't all ghosts. They are a, let's be honest, a drumming pied piper, also a ghost, also a podiatrist. Wow, this is a guy. They're a real flashy.

They're just collecting. things as we go. Oh, the drumming's just a hobby. Right. Yeah. That's just the thing they do on the side. Part-time screenwriter. They are the ghost-pied podiatrist of Westwoods.

Ghost-pied podiatrist. Yes. Right. I'm so sorry, CJ. But thank you for the service to fate. Looking forward to seeing your Twitter bio saying the ghost drummer slash padpider slash podiatrist of Westwood's grade. That's going to be good stuff. I reckon, yeah, you'll look on their Twitter.

Twitter profile soon and it'll have that up there. And you can bread on that. I hate both of you. I feel so good. Do you? Not being the last person to have made a bad joke like that. Well, there's still time. Give me hope.

Wait, I was just saying your joke back. I was still making fun of you. It's still your joke. It's your joke. I don't think so. I mean, you should just quit while you're ahead while we're calling it a joke. Yeah. All right.

Let it die now. Okay. And I would also like to thank, I'm so sorry to CJ, but thank you so much for supporting us. I would also like to thank from Texas. Texas tea, black gold, oil that is. John Willis. Oh, John Willis, great name. What are you talking about?

From Texas. John Willis. From Texas. From a place called College Station. You know who else is from Texas? Who? Pantera. Hmm, doesn't ring a bell

What was their first album called? Their first first album was it called? Their early ones, their first proper album was Cowboys from Hell I'm trying to think of their first independent album I had I'm the Knight Jungle Magic or something like that Power Metal was their fourth one But I can't remember their first I think we found our name

John Willis, the Power Medal of Texas Yeah I like that. I'm not sure what a power metal is. It sounds dangerous. Yeah, and that's sexy. Metal magic was the first one. John, take your pick.

You could also be the metal magic of Texas. Yeah. You're welcome. That's so funny. And we're sorry. The cover of metal magic makes me laugh to this very day. Is it the lion-y thing? That's, yeah.

It's like the dog lion man wearing a belt and nothing. Yeah, just wearing a belt. What's it holding up? And we're like holding the weirdest sword, you've ever said. And it's got no balls? A real, like real defined thighs. Yeah, it's really muscular the legs, isn't it? Yeah, definitely that does a lot of squats.

Actually, pretty built upper body as well. Got that real V shape that everyone sort of are. All right, let's stop describing my body and get back to the image. And you can Brett your life on that. Am I doing this right? No. Yeah, you're killing. killing.

Somebody's going to get killed. With the Power Medal of Texas. Thank you, John. And what does that mean? The power medal of Texas. What is a power medal? It's easy to ask what isn't a power metal. It's a shorter list.

Right. And? And what isn't a power medal? What's on that list? Chocolate sauce. Okay. Enlist. All right.

Everything but chocolate sauce. Yeah. Stay away from the chocolate sauce. So caramel sauce. Now I feel sorry for chocolate sauce. Of course. Left out. Everything else is power metal.

Sorry. Oh, sorry. Power metal. That's the title track. And John Wallace, you found your theme song, please. It's beautiful. Thank you, John. You still have my space, you could put her on your page.

All right. I miss that. Thanks, John. Right. Finally, I'd like to thank a couple of dead set legends. Brett set legends. Oh, that's good. That is.

Jess nearly laughed at that. She didn't at all. I would like to think from I said, I mean, the bit that rhymes with Brett is not the bit that I changed to Brett. Which is great. That's even better. Sure. Dead Brett Legends.

Anyway, that would have been too good for you, Jess. You're making her laugh now. Obviously, it was quite good. At, I'm laughing at you. You're laughing Brett, me. Stop it. I'm starting to see why Dave was on. about this is good fun it's fun Dave thanks and people I'd like to thank from

Kildare in Ireland uh oh sorry I pause because you sound like you're about to make a comment there uh Ireland uh I'd like to thank uh Brian Dylan Dillon B D D D C D C D C D Coo D Coo D Coo D Coo D Coo D Coo D Cid D C Cid D C Cid D C C Cid Dary. I reckon the uh the bomb diggity pie I was looking at these initials. Trying to think of something I could think of BD. Bomb-diggity pirate of Kildare. The Bomb-Diggity Pirate of Kildare. That's pretty good.

Yeah. Oh, okay. Have you got a suggestion that would make it very good? With chocolate sauce. Yes. I don't have a suggestion Matt does, and that was good stuff. Bomb-diggity pirate. With chocolate sauce of Kildare.

Yeah. What's he doing with the chocolate sauce? Well, he's sailing on a sea of chocolate sauce. Oh, love it. is a chocolate tea pirate. Yeah. Yum! Yum, indeed.

And thank you, Brian. What's from digity? I would just be like scooping up chocolate sauce. And you'd be like, Jess, you drink your chocolate sauce again? And I'd be like, no, but I'd have chocolate all over my face. And you'd be like, Jess. If it's not chocolate sauce, what is it? Oh, cocaine.

That sweet brown powder. That's the good stuff. Oil. I'd like to thank, finally, from Christchurch in New Zealand, Megan Thompson. Megan Thompson. Christchurch, beautiful, beautiful neck of the woods. What about the neck of Christchurch? She holds it all together, baby.

That'd be some sort of vampire there, right? They love necks. Oh, yeah. So maybe she's the, what's a thing? Say a thing. Neck. Jess, say a thing. Banana.

She's the banana vampire of Christchurch. Okay, we know what my suggestion. The banana neck vampire. Yeah, okay. She has a tattoo of a banana on her neck. Oh, that is good. That's how you know. That's how you know it's her.

But that's why she's always wearing skivies. She's a vampire who's never low on potassium. Yeah. That's important. It's a low GI snack. Yeah. They're a great treat. It's beautiful.

Good, because it's for energy. Yeah. A bit of fiber in there too, I think. I don't know. Thank you so much, Megan. Quit judging. That is great stuff. We appreciate you supporting us over in Christchurch.

Thank you so much. You banana neck vampire, you. Yeah. And if you listen to this, if you've listened to this far through, can you let us know if this is the worst thing? Can you confirm this is the worst thing we've ever done? I'm having fun. If you didn't have that bottle of vodka in front of you,

I would swear that you. that you were a delight. Thank you. We have to leave now. I need an ambulance. Someone call the police. There's been a murder. A comedy murder.

We've been too funny. You rate your life on that. Yeah, the cops better come because we've got a brett to pay to society. Come on, just do one. Just do one. No. Then we'll see. Honestly, you will come to the dark side.

I just can't think of one. Just bread it come to you. He's so good at it. Come on, but with this serve, you better not hit the breath. This is the worst. I'm feeling a lot of brett chef. Thank you. I don't get it.

Pressure. I'm afraid that does. You hit the bread with your serve. I think I'm glad. I'm glad we're shit at this. And this was all thanks to our good friend, Dean Brett. Thank you so much, Dean. Well, it was all thanks to Dean and also entirely Dean's fault.

Dean, you ruined the podcast. This will be our last episode. Who are you talking about? Could you tell me who you're talking about from his title, not from his old name? I don't remember. The Dean of Moncton. The Dean of Moncton. Oh, sorry, yes, the Dean of Moncton.

Dean Brett of Moncton, yes God, it sounds like Jess has been taking Bredamine over there. Fuck on. Yes, that is, no, that is, sorry, I've just got a call. Are you patting yourself on the back? He's literally patting himself on the back. I got a call from God and that was comedy.

Oh, God called you, did he? To tell you that that was comedy. Yes, sometimes I ask. Mainly when I ask when I talk to him. Is that comedy? Is that comedy? Oh, God, I'm so sorry to all of you. especially you Dean Brett,

aka the Dean of Moncton. But that does sadly bring us to another end of the best podcast of our lives. Thank you so much for listening this far. I appreciate that. At the start of the show, we did mention all our social medias and stuff, but you can find them all in one place,

do go onpod.com. That's something that I didn't mention. But yes, you can find it all there. And please do give us a review if you do have a chance and force us onto your friends and family. And also check out bookcheat, which is my favorite podcast of the current day, which is where Dave talks about a book,

and he's gone through some of the classics like Shakespeare's Othello, as well as that one about that guy near a town called Egg. I'm sure the great guy to be that one is. No, no. That was my biggest takeaway from that episode was, they set this in a place called egg and it's still thought of as a classic I can't believe anyone read beyond that

I didn't greatest novels of all time well I mean if it was the greatest novel all time I would have been able to finish it and I'm real smart I read good you read real good so you really do thank you so much

thank you so much for joining us of a buddy thank you very much if you do leave us for a review Let us know it was this episode by including your best Brett pun in the review. And some kisses. I love it. I'm so sorry for this weird ace, MR or whatever that is. It's nice.

It's nice. I'm so sorry. All right. Thank you so much for listening. And until next week, I will say goodbye. Later. Bye. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network.

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