Do Go On - 165 - Christmastime Mysteries 2 (Back In The Habit)

Episode Date: December 19, 2018

It's our annual Chrish-Mish special! And because sequels are always such hits, it's a follow up to last year's Christmas Mysteries episode. Each of us did a mini report on a different Christmastime mystery, each more mysterious than the last... Recorded live at The Phoenix in London.2019 Melbourne Comedy Festival tickets now on sale. Use the code "christmas" for a discount on tickets, including season passes. Tickets: https://www.trybooking.com/ZYYPSupport the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Twitter: @DoGoOnPod Instagram: @DoGoOnPod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/ Email us: [e-mail] Book tickets to Matt's stand up show (in Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane and Melbourne) with the early bird discount code: dogoon via mattstewartcomedy.com/gigs  Check out our other podcasts: Book Cheat: https://omny.fm/shows/bookcheatPrime Mates: https://omny.fm/shows/prime-matesREFERENCES AND FURTHER READING: THE WARMINSTER THINGhttps://www.express.co.uk/news/science/602435/Warminster-Read-1965-report-of-bizarre-public-meeting-after-eerie-UFO-events-shocked-townhttp://news.bbc.co.uk/local/wiltshire/hi/people_and_places/history/newsid_8694000/8694729.stmhttp://www.ufo-warminster.co.uk/timeline_top.htmhttps://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-wiltshire-32972518https://www.express.co.uk/news/science/602316/UFO-invasion-eerie-noises-killed-flocks-birds-stopped-cars-Warminster-The-ThingIS DIE HARD A CHRISTMAS FILM?https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/4729e8ae-ca0b-4d4a-a43a-36e29cc33296https://www.slashfilm.com/die-hard-interviews/3/https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Trivia/DieHard

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serengy Amarna 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there. Canada, we are visiting you in September this year.

If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Hello and welcome to another intro to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnocky.

Thank you so much for joining me and I'm sitting here with myself. It is just me at the start of the show basically dropping in to tell you that this episode is our Krish Mish special. And it was recorded live at the Feast. in London, our second last show of our UK tour. Man, we had a great day that day. Thank you so much for everyone again who came to our shows in the UK. And thank you to you for downloading this show in the first place. We're going to get to it in just a second,

but first of all, I'm very excited to announce that our Melbourne Comedy Festival podcasts are now on sale. That's right. Next year in March and April, we are returning to the European Beer Cafe. We've gone upstairs to the slightly bigger room, which is going to be a lot of fun, on Saturday afternoons at 3 o'clock you can come four Saturdays in a row. And those tickets are now on sale and you can find them at do-go-1pod.com or via a link in the show notes listed below.

Now, if you book before January 1st, maybe a little Christmas gift to yourself or one of your loved ones, you can use the word Christmas, just the word Christmas. I was going to say Christmas, but it's too hard to spell. So just Christmas. And you can get a discount even on already bargained season pass tickets and those are limited. So if you want to get involved before January 1st, use the code Christmas. Also, Matt's stand-up shows are now on sale for the Melbourne Comedy Festival. He's doing three and a half weeks of his show Bone Dry. And if you haven't seen Matt before, now he's not here. I can tell you that he is a fantastic stand-up comedian. So I definitely suggest you get along if you can. He's also visiting Perth, Adelaide and Brisbane next year

for festivals all in the first few months of the year. If you use the code do go on. You get a cheeky discount on those tickets and all the details are at Matt Stewartcom.com.com slash gigs. Nice. And finally you might want to check out our spin-off podcast book sheet and primates. I just released the book sheet Christmas special yesterday with Matt and Jess as guests. So basically it's an episode of Do Go On with me doing a report on Charles Dickens of Christmas Carol. We had a lot of fun. It was very late. We did it after One night, we recorded an episode of Do Go On and, wow, Jess was very hyperactive and Matt was overly tired, which meant he was also hyperactive, so it was very loose, but a lot of fun there.

Somehow, shortest book we've done and one of our longest episodes for book sheets. There you go. Matt's episode of Primates last week featured comedy legend Tony Martin and podcast Planet Broadcasting legend Josh Earl, and I've got to say, it was one of my favorite episodes of that show so far. But that could be beaten by this week's episode, which Matt tells me, features Al and Andy from Two in the Think Tank, talking, most valuable primate two, colon, most vertical primate. Man, to be in that writer's room. So much genius at work. Okay, that's enough plugs.

Thanks so much for listening. We hope you have a great Christmas or holiday period wherever you are in the world. Usually we ask people to tweet Facebook and Instagram as pictures of what you're eating on Christmas Day, and I'd love to keep that tradition going. post some photos of what we're doing. We'd love to see what you're doing. That is always very, very nice. So, without further ado, enjoy this episode recorded live at the Phoenix in London. Oi, boy, you there, what day is it today? Why, today is November 18th. Yeah. I, yep, um, sorry. Sorry, we're doing this sort of for the podcast. We're doing like a Christmas thing. It's a bit whimsical and cute. So, um, if you could just do that, um, better, um,

Thanks. Yeah, I'll be more specific. All right. Let's go again. How about this? Oi, you there, boy, what day does this podcast come out? Why?

Today, when the podcast comes out, is either December 12th or 19th, depending on scheduling, or 13th or 20th, depending on time's own. Right. I think we're really just trying to get you to... Sorry, can you... Sorry, okay.

So it's a Christmas special. So just fucking say Christmas. Okay, go again All right Last one, let's get this down, all right You there boy What day is it today Why sir, today is

Christmas day Is that right, sir Please don't hurt many Sir This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network Visit planetbroadcasting.com For more podcasts from our great mates I mean except for do go on

You could probably skip that one I do not sanction their buffoonery Hell yeah That's nice, thank you Oh alright You did it for Dave And then I I talked and I bloody the energy

Don't you bloody ask for it Matt the secret is to ask them how they're doing Oh okay Um Sub cunts Oh fuck Very close Very close

Very close Welcome to the Another episode of the Do Go On podcast My name is Dave Warnikey And I'm here with Matt Stewart And just spoken Ladies gentlemen Yay

There's a baby. There's literally a baby in this room, and I still drop the C-bomb. Go start him, young. The majority of work done in editing the weekly podcast is me being edited out saying, Clarence Hunt or the... I think I know what that baby's first word's going to be.

Aw! It's going to be mad. That'd be nice, isn't it? Guys, thank you so much for coming out to The Phoenix here. This is a lovely venue. It is our Christmas special. Merry Christmas. Christmas.

Yeah, you thought the shopping centres were going early this year. No, no. We also have gone pretty early. But by the time this comes out and people here at home, it will be very close to year old Chrismish. What's on the list this year, Jess? Anything you'd like Santa Claus to bring you? A tricycle.

Okay. A pony. And my dad to come back. No, good riddance. Yeah, I'll be able to organise two of those. I'm afraid the trussical shop is completely sold out. But dad's coming home. Yeah, woo-hoo.

Your dad is at home right now. I like to give the illusion that I come from a broken home and I have a dark past, but I'm fine. Because there's nothing funnier than a broken home. Yeah, yeah. And everyone's fine. I had a good education and middle class up. upbringing so yeah the appellate for comedy to be honest love the affluent east all right

Matt how about you how any Christmas you're a big Christmas so we call my me the festive boy on the show that's one of my nicknames if you don't know but Matt is actually the festive man really you're a big big Christmas guy and it pisses you off that you're not the Christmas guy on the show I should be the Christmas guy because I am the Christmas guy but yeah Christmas me isn't about what you get it's about what you give Okay, and what are you planning to give this Christmas? Yeah, a bit of that, bit of this, but that. Just a bit of that.

Gross. You guys are wearing matching shoes. And you and I are wearing matching shoes. All right, everyone's showing me your shoes. So this is the show. Shoe time with the Gap Boys. That's right. Now, there's always a few people that have never heard the show,

First of all, we start with. Give me a round of applause if you have heard. Do go on before. Thank God. Very nice. Thank you so much. That is a relief. On the other end of the scale, please do not be shy.

If you've never heard the show before, please cheer now. Few as well. And our tech. Dave, our sound... Dave, you said you listened to a bit on the way here. You were lying. He's lying. He's being polite.

Thank you. Thank you. Do you say that to bands, too? Yeah, I love your... Songs? Is that what you do? Yeah. Well, that's awesome.

Thank you for those of you coming along. I've probably been dragged along by a friend. Some of this won't make sense. But just, you know, have a good time, I guess. I'll explain those bits. Yeah. Who's the close to me who doesn't know? Who's never been?

A couple over here. All right, I'll address all of that weird stuff to you. What's your name? Jor dash, all right. That is a great name. That is a beautiful name. I think, is it? Do you say Jor Dash?

I love it so much. That is awesome. Beautiful name. Sorry, what did you say? Great to have you here, Jordas. Thanks for coming out. Appreciate that. Yeah.

Now, so the people that haven't heard the show, like yourself, Jordas, what happens is usually each episode, one of us does a report on a topic suggested by a listener. The other two people on the program don't know... Program! Oh, hello, BBC. That's right.

On this week's program. This is Radio 4. Huh? That means something here, doesn't it? All right, anyway. Local reference. Tick. How good is Posh Spies?

Do a reference, Bob. Do a reference. Yeah. The Queen is a thing. That's a big one. That's a good one. Thank you. Nigel Mansell.

It's the first one that came to mind. Right. Also, magical Mrs. Marple. Yes. Markle. What's the name? The one who married the prince. Markle.

Markle. What a beautiful name. Matt, your name's not Jordash Markle, is it? Oh man. Imagine. Any question so far? Changing your name. Oh, yeah, you should change.

Anyway, we'll... No. We'll do the show and then we'll chat about your name later. Anyway, the program. That's where we were. Yes. The other two don't know what. the topic is going to be, but for our

Kishmish special, we've decided to do a mini report on a Christmas topic each. And Matt, what is our overall Kishmish theme this year? Well, it's the same as last year. It's the sequel, and everyone knows the sequel's always better than the original.

Kishmish Time Mysteries. It was an audible yes. Yeah, did you say yes? Which is nice. Were you saying yes? Yes. You want some death? That's not reliable.

to the podcast at all. She's just a psycho. Mole people. Oh, gone early, but yeah, probably. Always. I'll find a way. Do you mind if I kick off with a little mystery? There is death in mind, so...

Because Matt, last year, if you haven't heard, a Kris special, did five topics. Three of them were very death-filled. Yeah. Which, I'm sure, it's fun. Sure. But in a room of people who kind of look around at one another going, oh, that could have been us. It's less fun. So good luck, Maddie. Yeah, we found that out all over again in Manchester when we talked about serial killers.

It was very tense in the room. Yeah, that was our bad. No refunds. Lock the door! When you're finding yourself saying, you know what, any family members of the victims in tonight. Why did you? Don't say it again. Jesus.

That wasn't good. Well. Because we did focus on ones from the UK and mine was very recent. So it was a very real possibility. That episode will not see the light of that. No. So. Maybe the patrons will hear it.

All right. Here is my question. So we ask a question, Jordash, to get on the topic. And my question is, which of the five classic senses was terrorized in a mysterious fashion in the English town of Warminster in the 1960s? Well, let's... A good year, thank you.

But it was a decade, but sure. Ten good years. Adapt the catchphrase, mate. Okay, so let's go. It's sense. So we got smell. Balance. Okay, we've got balance.

Touch, taste. Vision, that's five. Sense of self. Stop. Hearing is one, thank you, so we're already up to sixth. Is it any of these? Yes, it's hearing. That guy got it.

Oh, nice. Hearing. Yet again, the crowd nails it. Sucked in, Dave. You're the worst nerd. You got all the shit this is. You got all the shit things about being a nerd. I'd love for you to list some of the good things about being a nerd.

It's funny because we've been... Two and a half weeks have been sharing so much space. So, you know, we're getting pretty brutal with each other. I should not be bringing that into the public forum. So sorry about that, Dave. Obviously, you're the best of the best. Love you. All right.

That's not what he's been saying back of the accommodation. Kill yourself. Kill yourself. Has come up a lot. I have not been saying that. So it was hearing. So it was a weird question. I did write that in that small room over there. But it was hearing,

and the hearing was terrorised by a mysterious thing called the War Minster Thing. Oh. Which is the topic that I'm going to talk about. Anyone heard of the War Minster Thing? No. Really? Supposedly it's the biggest thing.

Thing like this in UK history. You guys get. Get educated. Am I saying Warminster right? Sick, all right. Let's go. Warminster is a town in Western Wiltshire around... I mean, that is the worst thing you've ever done on this podcast.

Shame him. Shame him. Is it just because I said it funny? That's my accent. Come on, man. Wiltshire. Yeah. Sorry, I was wrong.

They've got all the worst things of being a nerd. It's around two hours southwest of London. Events that occurred in Warminster. Fuck, I'm going to be nervous about. Over 50 years ago, boggle the mind till this very day. It boggles the mind. I just said that because I knew Jess would really like it.

That is one of the many classic catchphrases. The mind, it boggles. Still one of Dave. best lines. You may well ask, you want to ask, you want to ask, boy, on what day did the events occur? Boy, on what day did the events occur?

That was beautiful. Very good question. Very good mic technique, too, very good. Great projection. Why, they occurred on Christmas Day. Oh, 1964. Oh, thank you. That's great. Obviously, two years later, the Saints on their Premiership

Saint, sorry, Jordash, the Saints are kind of the best and the shitters team of all time. It's a real dichotomy, but anyway, we'll get to that later. Loud noises were heard in the town. Some townspeople were awoken from their sleep. The noise...

Was that one of the loud noises that was her? Is the concept of sleep, funny? That guy has insomnia. Oh. Some townspeople. People were woken from their sleep. Oh, just a, it's kind of a one-time thing, I guess. Had to be there.

The noises were described variously as pounding vibrations. Christmas is about giving! All the way down to ear splitting wines. It's more your end of the spectrum. I think it would sound a little something like this. Is that right? Yeah, that's it. Pretty accurate.

I've blind before. One local woman even reported being knocked down and left paralyzed by invisible fingers of sound. Oh, keep your fingers to yourself. In his book, The Warm Insta Mystery, local journalist Arthur Shuttlewood

described the events thusly. Any shuttlewood's in tonight? That's a good name. You're saying that right? It's shitty foots. The air was brazenly filled with a man. menacing sound. He wrote real good. Sudden vibrations came

overhead, chilling in intensity. They tore the quiet atmosphere to raucous rags and descended upon her savagely. Shockwaves pounded her head, neck and shoulders. Ewee! Purvy shockwaves. Similar sonic attacks were reported around other locations in the town as well.

At 1.25 a.m., Mildred Head reported that her... Mildred Head report. She reported the ceiling came alive with strange sounds lashing her roof, as if twigs were brushing the tiles. She had a tree above there. It ended up with a noise like giant hailstones. And I believe that there weren't any hailstones at night,

but I'm not 100% sure. At 612, Marjorie By reported the sonic deluge broke with full fury. There were weird crackling noises, Menacing sound, sound vibrations, shock waves of violent force. They're sort of just bits and pieces of the quote, I guess. Fill in there. As no one had seen it, they weren't sure how to describe it. As such, the phenomenon...

Every describing word ever was used in that one sentence. As such, the phenomenon was dubbed as the warm-inster thing. It's mysterious. What is it? I would have called it the fingers. These early reports... seemed to open the floodgates of hearings and sightings as lovers of the paranormal flocked to the town. By the middle of 1965, sightings of unidentified flying objects were being reported around the town. It was variously described as an orb, a cigar-shaped or dome-shaped with colours of red and orange and bright like the stars.

Okay. Cars would temporarily break down when the thing was around, and it even reportedly killed. Oh. That's good because this is like a big pantomime country. So. Who's behind you? That's something... Now, I don't actually understand

either what you said or what you're referring to, but... What's the other catchphrase people yell at a pantomimes? Oh, no, it isn't. Oh, right. They really do. They're quite brainwashed. It's quite amazing that your country is also the home of Shakespeare. It's behind you.

I'm on a really rocky chair. Check this out. It's like a bucking bronco. Do you have a watermelon? I really hope someone's brought a Christmas pudding today. Somehow they knew. I told a couple of people. Pudding people.

So yeah, we're up to the killing bit. You guys... Yay! In February of 1965, after speaking with witnesses included David Holtan, it was reported that a flock of pigeons was killed in flight. When tangling with the thing, they brushed into fatal contact with paralyzing sound beams in woods in Croqueton near Walminster. Stiff winged, they plummeted earthward.

The thing in its most stunning guys was directly. responsible. A number of people testified to hearing high-pitched droning. What's that sound like? Hey, I'm not the man of a thousand noises. Just a thousand whines. Isn't droning low? Yeah. What's high-pitched droning? I guess drone is like, mm, and then... So it'd be like this. Yeah, that's pretty good.

That's my best guess. I haven't practiced that one. And I should remind everyone, I'm self- taught, so. In March, resident Joan Brown reported that the thing made their roof quiver under the onrush of noise. Her pet cat was sick in various rooms in the house.

The thing! This has all been collated by experts in the field. It's so fun. People going so you, yep, cat had a vomit. How much? How many say experts in the field?

UFologists Yeah like Stanton Friedman I don't remember him Nah Come on he was in the Roswell Like the Roswell expert And his name is Stanton Friedman And he looks exactly

As you're imagining right now And he also sounds like all your other characters Hello I'm Stanton Fraudman No that was the sheriff You fucking idiot Yeah you fucking idiot Come on In his job at the local

paper, Shuttlewood was collating a sizable dossier on the thing, talking to everyone who reported seeing or hearing it, but as he was yet to see it for himself, he was skeptical about whether it actually existed or not. I mean, but that cat vomited in several rooms. That all changed in September of 1965 when Shuttlewood himself reported seeing a UFO from him home. From him home. Well, sounds like he's been affected by this UFO.

That night he was converted into a true believer. So you're not going to correct what you said. You're just going to move forward. That is bold. Good for you. I'm not editing this. Great. But whoever does, could you put me saying his into where I said him?

I thank you. Sugar nut. Yeah, Dixon. So you now want the sentence, instead of saying come him home to become his home. No worries. I think Jess and I would be able to edit that in. No worries. Oh, man, how'd you go?

Yeah, came a home. You may be shocked to hear that there aren't many photos of the thing. Warminster local, Gordon Faulkner saw it on the 29th of August in 1965 and described trying to capture it on camera saying, as it flew fast and low over the south of the town, I could just make out the unusual shape. It was... It made no noise.

noise, which is weird. That's a big twist, actually. Made no noise. Hurriedly, I got my camera free and pointed at the craft. But the line of sight was too fast to follow. So I held the camera well in front of it and pressed the trigger as it entered the viewfinder. I did not dream I would get anything on film at all. And this is what he got. Can you describe that? It looks a bit like a pod with...

I mean, to me, that looks like an alien space craft. Yeah, me too. Absolutely. Or a hat. It kind of looks like a hat. It looks like an upside down mushroom. Or just a mushroom. It looks like a mushroom.

This became the most iconic image of the thing and was published by... No wonder you've never heard of it. Published by both the War Minster Journal and the Daily Mirror. He wrote in a... little bracket, get Dave or Jess to describe this. And then I pointed at it and he deleted it.

As if that would make me forget it. Oh, can't read what's not there, Dickhead! Can't believe you found a loophole, but... And don't worry, man. I think we did you proud by describing it. By saying, oh, it looks like a... Pod. Pod.

Lips. Oh. Oh. Oh. You sexy thing. The photo gained the small town a lot of publicity and attracted thousands of paranormal lovers to see... Oh, to say...

It's funny, I've not read this yet. Oh yeah, there's only one thing that turns me on. It's UFOs, baby. So they came to town, well, they wanted to see the thing for themselves. The town was a bit flustered by it all, and a town meeting was called on August the 27th, 1965 at 7.30pm. UFO researcher Lionel Beer was there and he wrote a report about the meeting soon after

saying that upwards of 300 persons crowded into the hall and several hundred more thronged the stairs and corridor and overflowed into the street outside. The town was freaked out. They were freaking. They were freaking. All these people came to hear the public discussion on the mysterious lights and sound which have been reported from the Warminster district in recent months.

I didn't need to say that bit. Attending the meeting, Mrs. Atwell told of how she had been very frightened by a strange and eerie sound accompanied by the apparition of a brilliant star. I love the idea of this meeting and just a line of people getting up and saying, yep, I saw a thing in the sky and it was real scary. Thank you. It was also reported that eight children had been scared by the thing at various times. But their parents requested their name should not be published, so they weren't. I mean, I was scared of sand when I was a baby.

Sand. At the beach. I live in Australia. It's all beach. So what do you do? Just get the sand in you, just... The sand is lava. You would have hated that episode of The Simpsons where Homer got sand in his underpants.

Someone was disappointed the other than I would into a Simpsons reference, so I shoehorned that one in there. And what a quality reference that was. Seameless, yeah. Marge, I've got sand in my underpants. Me too, Homer. Let's go home. All right. That's good stuff. I don't give a fuck.

Lionel Beer concluded his report saying that the meeting ended about 10pm and it ended inconclusively. The meeting didn't come up with the answers. Can you believe that? What a waste of a meeting. What with all those people telling them that their kid was scared. Still? Still nothing.

Nothing. Sightings continue. over the following years but started dying down by the 1970s. This is partly to do with the fact that less people were visiting the town to look for the thing, but also due to it probably not existing. I only see slight correlation

between those two. There are still, that's not sure, I want to believe. I'm so shattered, it's really near Bath where we were a couple of days ago and we didn't fucking go because I had not chosen this topic yet. There are still true believers in the town though and sightings do still happen, only less frequently.

town seems to be starting to embrace its place in paranormal history as well, with semi-regular events celebrating the thing, including a recent 50-year anniversary event and ball at the town hall, and a mural being painted in the center of the town, which has a glow-in-the-dark paint on it. The article's so cute. The mayor and everyone's talking about it, I think, so good. And we didn't go. It's going to be one of my life's great regrets. It seems like the true nature of the war Mr thing is going to remain a mystery

I really do hope that the mystery is one day solved though as the thing needs to be brought to justice it does have pigeon blood on its hands That is my report I'd love to hear what your theories are Anyone got a theory Had anyone heard of it before I mean some of those weird blogs that I read

Really made it seem like this was a big deal here I was led astray I think, yeah, probably real. And probably, is any, look. I mean, you've turned into a Q&A, and we've got no cues. It's the government. It is the good. Well, there is also a thought that I didn't talk about

that the government have covered it up. There was a recent explanation from the MOD, which I don't know what it is, but it's a British thing. Yeah, right. Well, they said it was something to do with plasma. I mean, these are all good answers. But anyway, the UFOologists are like, nah, it's not plasma. No, that's dumb.

Plasma's so dumb. It's clearly giant otters. Yeah. Anyway, good on us all. All right. Match doing his report, yeah. Merry Christmas. What a time to be alive.

And now it's my turn. To be alive. Yeah, my turn to be alive. I am also going to kick it off with the question, which I wrote just before we started. Well, bloody done. Better than I normally do. And my question is, what beverage

was the cause of riots in 1826? Tea! That is so English. Eggnog. Eggnog. It's a Christmas thing in America. Anyone ever heard of eggnog? Do you drink it here?

Thank fuck. It's why. What is? It's just like egg. And nog. I think the nog, thank you, I'll feel this one. I think the nog is just like brandy or something. You're nogging on some brandy, big time.

Having a knob. Any further questions, thank you. But yeah, I saw that. I first heard of eggnog on The Simpsons. And it went a little something like this. Oh, I'm drinking some eggnog on the... All right, I'm going to go... I've not had a drink in six months.

So anyway, I'm looking forward to hearing this report. So Matt seems less surprised by this than I was. Eggnog. Eggnog. It's the eggnog riots. It was mainly because it was a Christmas-related topic. Oh, right, right. So you came across this one?

No. Just use the old... Oh, eggnog! Sorry, sorry. Use the old eggnoggin, mate, and figure it out for myself. To me, I feel like I was the only one in this room that was like, oh, it's an eggnog riot. You were like, yeah, of course.

And I was like, what? I'm the only one with questioning that. Yeah. Well, I can probably tell you a bit more about it if you want. I'd rather not know. You know, live... All right, couple your ears. Live in a world of mystery.

So this occurred in the United States Military Academy in West Point, New York in 1826. A good year. Well, yeah, it's fine, I guess. I don't know. Nine years earlier in 1917, A good year. The Academy...

1817? Yeah, probably. An even better year. Definitely did write 1917 though. But that's impossible. It's the millennial buck. Yeah, no, 1817. The Academy was taken over by Silvanus Thayer.

He took command at the Military Academy. He was a brigadier general. Oh. Brigadier. So, Jor Dash, we love the Brigadier. At some sort of a rank in some sort of an army. And we cannot get enough. It's a fun word to say.

Have a go. Yourself. Jor dash did not make it through the first report. Okay, on three, everybody say brigadier. One, two, three. Brigadier. Oh, it's so satisfying. Such a fun word.

Brigadier. So he was a brigadier, general. He was brought in because he was a hard-ass. And the Academy really needed some work. They were known to be pretty shit. He revolutionised the Academy with his strict rules. Students at West Point weren't allowed to leave campus, cook in their dorms, or jewel.

Weird that that rule had to apply. But before then, jewelling was very common. Yeah, they were just like, I challenge you to a duel all the time. And he was like, stop jewelling. We're running out of students. I call it bedazzling. But it was a different time.

We didn't know any better back then. It's the 1820s. His discipline style succeeded in turning the academy from a chaotic institution to a respected place of learning. Before he arrived, the academy, it was a few shoddy buildings and four teachers, teaching a handful of students, and students were admitted at different times of the year. So there's no real structure. It's a bit of a mess. By the time this event happened in 1826, the Academy,

had 36 men serving as faculty and four recognized departments. They had mathematics, engineering, natural philosophy, natural philosophy, that's fun, and military tactics. So he turned it into like a proper school. The place I should go. Now, eggnog, which is what we're talking about, was a traditional part of West Point's annual Christmas celebration, but Thayer's ban on alcohol threw a wretch into the festivity.

obviously as expected when you put a bunch of young people together some of the cadets said about smuggling in alcohol one of the cadets was a man named Jefferson Davis he had a history of bad behaviour with alcohol he was the first student to be arrested for going to Benny Haven which was one of two taverns located near the academy he got arrested for going and the ban on alcohol didn't just

didn't stop at the academy wow So there was a couple of taverns around who were also not supposed to serve alcohol to the cadets, but Benny Havens, cadets could barter blankets and shoes for booze. Though they put in some rules

and they weren't allowed barter anything from school like uniforms. I mean, they had principles, you know? You're like, sure, I'll take your shoes. So it's just a dorm full of people with no blankets and no. Yeah, but they're having a good time. Another time, this is the guy,

Jefferson Davis, another time he was reportedly so drunk that he fell down a 60 foot ravine. Oh! We've all been there. Don't worry, guys. His shoes will break his fall. He wasn't one to shy away from a good party, and he was very enthusiastic and on board when the other cadets planned to bring booze

to the holiday party. So he survived the 60 foot fall? Yeah. Sick. 60 feet is a long way to fall in a ravines. Ten me's. Matt, stand up so everyone can imagine that. Now...

Times out by ten. Wow. Yeah. Now you get it. We should use imperial mat measurements moreover. Because it's not like you guys deal with feet all the time. Yeah. Ten mats.

So they decided they were going to get booze for their holiday party. But Benny Havens was too expensive for the... for the cadets to get all of their liquor. Too many blankets. They just didn't have enough shoes. Instead, a few days before Christmas, three cadets crossed the Hudson River to the East Bank to procure whiskey from another tavern

called Martin's Tavern, not very creatively named. They had a few glasses there themselves, obviously, and then they took the contraband booze back across the river to the academy. At the dock, they came across a soldier standing guard, but they paid the man 35 cents for him, to turn his back while they unloaded their cargo. 35 cents. That's probably a lot back then, but now it sounds,

it's a different time. It's 1800s, that's probably a lot. The cadets hid the containers of alcohol amongst their private possessions, and they hid them until Christmas night. It was about a total of three or four gallons of whiskey. So it's a fair bit of booze. They, the brigadier,

he was very strict, but he wasn't an idiot, and he knew, he anticipated that this would probably happen over the festive season, and he even discussed it with his colleagues. And he assigned two people, Captain Ethan Allen Hitchcock and Lieutenant William A. Thornton

to monitor the North Barracks on Christmas night. Now, after monitoring the barracks, they both went to bed around midnight, separate beds. It's a different time. And everything, everything was quiet, nothing was out of the ordinary, it all seemed like everything was fine. But four hours later, Hitchcock awoke to the sound of rowdy boys

a few floors above him. He went to investigate, and crashing the party, he found six or seven cadets visibly inebriated. He ordered them to go back to their own rooms, and he turned to leave, and as he was heading out, he heard the sound of another party happening in an adjoining bedroom. When he entered, he found another two drunk cadets

attempting to hide under a blanket. A third cadet who's also drunk refused to show his face using a hat as a makeshift mask. I mean these people with military tactics their main tactic seems to be if I can't see you you can't see me. That's always a good tactic. In warfare they just pull their hat over their face.

And the enemy's like, where'd they go? Where'd they go? You can't shoot what you can't see. That's probably... No, it's not true at all. So Hitchcock's demanding that this student hiding behind a hat reveals his identity and he refuses to... Well, it was clearly working.

Who's that? Not saying! A few angry words were exchanged and some of the other cadets nearby got enraged and after Hitchcock left they shouted, get your dirks and bayonets and pistols if you have them. Before this night is over, Hitchcock will be dead. Bit vire.

Did you enjoy that? You love death. It was a threat of death. Yeah. Oh, you're disappointed. Yeah. Could be something. Yeah. She is also wearing a scarf in what is the hottest room in London.

That's badass. It is nice that they've put on the Christmasy Australian heat for today. It's just like home. Soon enough, Hitchcock heard a commotion coming from floors below. seemingly larger and rowdyer than the party he'd just broken up upstairs as he walked into the room so did a drunken Jefferson Davis

who burst into the room along with Hitchcock and announced put away the grog boys Captain Hitchcock's coming He was already in the room Davis is a bit of an idiot The other guy who was sort of patrolling and trying to keep some kind of order Thornton

In his own attempt to break up gatherings He had a cadet threatened in with a sword and another cadet actually hit Thornton with a piece of wood knocking him down things weren't going much better for Hitchcock he attempted to break down a barricaded door a cadet pulled a pistol out attempting to shoot him

and at this point Hitchcock thought he probably needed some backup he found a colleague and told him to bring the comm here and by the comm he meant commander of cadets but rumours quickly spread through the barracks that Hitchcock was summoning the regular artillery men who were also at West Point

who the cadets all hated. So somehow they've confused those two. Now they've decided that that's happening. So they hated the artillery men. They viewed Hitchcock summoning of them as an affront to their integrity. So in the North Barracks, they began taking up arms

in an attempt to defend the building from the artillery men who weren't coming they're ready for war so they took it as an affront to their integrity these drunk soldiers we're very integrity how they're ready for a fight so violence within the barracks escalated

as cadets smashed crockery and windows and broke furniture I mean that's how you defend a building classically you smash all the crockery I'm gonna break all your plates Greek weddings they're just trying to defend The building. That's beautiful.

Is that a thing that happens? Yeah. You guys don't have Greek weddings here? You're much closer to the Greece than we are. Whopper! Ah, Jordash, that's a Greek phrase, meaning, all right, let's party. And you're all caught up.

The artillery men, of course, never arrived. They never were coming. And slowly but surely the drunken mob began to sober up. Eventually, the commander of cadets, William Worth arrived on scene, and his authority was enough to put the eggnog riot to rest for good. Oh no, Dad's here. Out of around 260 cadets, as many as 90 could have been charged for the night's events. However, the Academy was still trying to recover its reputation

and didn't want to be seen as a place of anarchy and mayhem. So Thayer chose to deal with only the most aggressive offenders expelling 19 cadets. Jefferson Davis managed to escape the evening unscathed due to the fact that when Hitchcock told him to go to his room, he actually did. They're like, nah, he's a good boy. But obviously, the mystery remains,

why the fuck would anyone drink eggnog? Thank you. Wow. What a Christmas mystery. It's haunted my family for years. Wow. And we'll never, ever get an answer to that question. Well, Jess, that was a lot of fun.

Thanks, Dave. And now it's time for another report. This time it is from me, and I've got a question to get us on the topic. This is our final kish-mish mystery. My question is, you getting the guns out there? No. Smash the crockery, defend the stage.

Okay, my question is, for you guys, what film do I watch with my dad every single Christmas? The answer is Die Hard. And my topic and my mission, which I chose to accept, is to solve the Christmas mystery. Is Die Hard a Christmas film? Or is it just a Christmas? Or is it just a film set at a Christmas party? Is it a Christmas film or is it a Christmas film? Listen up and we'll find out.

This topic's been suggested by a couple of people. Henry from New Zealand and Libby from Melbourne, who I doubt are here tonight. That would be cool though. No? No. You looks like a Libby. What's your name? Laura.

Laura is so close to Libby. All right, let's try it one more time. What's your name? Oh, no, I guess. I guess first. I nearly said you'd say your name and I'd say. That's what I was thinking. Sarah. No?

I mean, there's so many names. I know, but that's how good I am. Well, obviously not. Sarah, what is your real name? Alice. Quite different. Arguably. I am.

I'm gifted. That's just not my gift. I'm still looking for my gift, but I'll find it. All right, so as we all know, today, it's a very special day for the film Diehard. It is 30 years since the film debuted in Norway today. 30 years. God, the time flies.

At one of our London shows, we were definitely having some Norwegians in. Are you in today? No. All right. That would have been way more exciting. So what I'm going to do here is I'll give you a background to the film Die Hard in case you haven't seen it. And then I'll give some points for and against as to whether it is a Christmas film. And I'll get both you, Jess and Matt, and the audience to decide once and for all if they think it is a Christmas film.

Great. There will be a few spoilers in this report. So, so sorry if you haven't seen the film from 1988. Very sorry. Yeah. Give me a round of pause if you have seen Die Hard. Laura hasn't. And she's got it.

Libby and Sarah haven't seen it. Cannot believe it. Random pause if you haven't seen Die Hard. Okay, great. Do yourselves a favour. No need. Dave's going to tell them everything out. I'll give you the gist.

You'll love it. Are you going to act it out? Yeah. Are you going to do accents? Oh, yeah. I will... I will get to the German at the end of this report. I will give you, so this is the background.

The story of Die Hard is based on the book, Nothing Lest Forever by Roderick Thorpe. It's quite a great name. But the character in the book is called Joe Leland, and they changed that to John McLean. That was a good call. That's a much better name. If you don't know the film,

this is the summary, without too many spoilers, but there will be a few later on. In the film, New York cop John McLean, aka Bruce Willis, is traveling to L.A. to visit his estranged wife and their kids. He goes to his wife's Christmas party at the Nakatomi skyscraper,

and whilst there, Hans Gruber, bad guy played by Alan Rickman, takes over the building in order to rob the building's vault. Now it's up to John McLean to save the day. I'm tingling, I'm tingling.

Get that checked. Yeah, it's not in a good place. The book, Nothing Last Forever, serves as a sequel. That's a sequel to The Detective, which was made into a movie in 1968, starring Frank Sinatra. His original deal said if they made the sequel,

the role would have to be first offered to him. So at age 73, he was offered the role, but he declined. Oh, that would have been a great film. Instead of the great film that it is. It would have been, wow, a 73-year-old man running around and being a feet in glass. I would have loved it.

There's a lot of glass, if you haven't seen it, a lot of glass. One of the main characters is basically the glass. Anyway, before, Before Die Hard was made, Clint Eastwood owned the rights so nothing lasts forever at the time. Eastwood had considered himself for the role in the early 1980s. But for whatever reason, nothing came of it. So then eventually was put into production.

Die Hard was directed by John McTiernan, who the year before had directed the Arnie film Predator, and who has since gone on to go to jail for wiretapping a colleague's phone and lying to the FBI about it. There you go. What a guy. The cinematographer

yarn de bont who was mentioned in Matt's Birmingham report and who later directed Speed and Twister and famously Speed 2 His best word Jan de Bond God that is a good name

Love that name In the in the Anyway it doesn't matter He was scalped in that report Anyway that's weird out of context Good guy and good film maker I'm going to drop the mic back down.

Well, being a pretty unknown actor at the time, mostly known for his role in the comedy drama TV series Moonlighting, Bruce Willis was not the first choice for the role of John MacLean in this action film. The role was rumoured to have been passed on by Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone,

Bert Reynolds, Richard Gear, Harrison Ford, Robert De Niro, Charles Bronson, Nick Nolty, Mel Gibson, Don Johnson, and Richard Dean Anderson before Willis got the call. And although he was about the 39th choice, when he finally got the role, he was paid a handsome $5 million-dollary dues. Oh.

Five million. That's about a billion pounds. Yeah. Carry the one. Yeah. Yeah, my conversion's pretty good. The film was Alan Rickman, who was the bad guy. His film debut.

And what a role. A stage actor at the... I talk well. And what a role. Stage actor at the time. The casting director just happened to see him playing Valmont, who's like a bad guy in a state's production of Dangerous Liaison

and offered him the part. He initially wanted to turn it down as he didn't want to be in an action film. Yeah, nah, fair enough. It's not a porno. Just do it. Action films. They're the cool ones. Are they the cool ones?

They are the cool ones. Yeah, they're the cool ones. Porn is also very cool. I'm sure there's a die-hard porn parody. it's just it's called yeah you can't top that I mean I was going to say Dickard to be honest but well closer

there is a baby here first words will his first phrase be Dickhart well the sequel Dickard 2 this time it's personal now Digard 2 back in the habit in brackets this time it's personal

in brackets again judgment day Why don't you go with the actual sequel to Die Hard with a vengeance? Dick Hard with a vengeance. That's funny. Now that's funny. That's funny. Funny's funny, Dave.

Now, you'll be surprised to know if you haven't seen the film. This action film features quite a lot of gunfire. What? I know, wow. That was the biggest spoiler. You thought it was a lot of hand-to-hand combat. The director John McTinnan wanted the guns to look real, so insisted on using extra loud blanks.

This caused Bruce Willis permanent hearing loss. But Bruce wasn't the only one who had trouble with the loud gunfire. Alan Rickman couldn't stop flinching when he shot his pistol. Something that doesn't look so good when you're supposed to be the ultra-tuff bad guy who doesn't give a fuck. Honestly, he goes, I don't like it. So director John McTiernan was forced to quickly cut away from Hans Grubber's face almost every time he fired a gun.

Or when a gun was fired near him because of his constant wincing. He's the English actor in the film, right? One of the best villains of all time. We did a report on him. Do you remember that day? I loved it. You repeated quite a few of the facts already. As if you were saying him for the first time.

I think I am saying them for the first time. I just may have heard you say them. Well, that's enough fun facts about Alan Rickman. Now, the crew had to constantly apologise to people working below them in the building for gunfire because the building, they filmed it, which is actually the headquarters for Fox, were still being used

as an actual office. John McTiernan, the director would have to send someone down to explain the loud noises. Quote, we'd have to periodically run downstairs and apologize to the lawyer beneath us saying, we're about to fire machine guns. Will you excuse us? So that's a bit of fun there.

The film was a big hit and grossed over $140 million off a $28 million budget, was very well received. It was nominated for four Academy Awards. It's often listed as one of the greatest action films of all time and has since spawned four sequels that have grossed over $1.4 billion. But is it a Christmas film? Yes. Well, let's answer this once and for all. I'll give you evidence for and against and you tell me what you think at the end. And when we all disagree and hate each other, I'll give you some more die-hard fun facts. And then we'll have a bit of fun. Oh, good. Okay, so this is the reasons why it is a Christmas film.

The film is set on Christmas Eve at a Christmas party. Without Christmas, this film does not exist. I honestly think I could just stop there. But I will go on. Why is Bruce Willis there to visit his wife? What is his wife's name? Holly. Compelling arguments early.

Bruce Willis murders a man. And if that's not the Christmas spirit, I don't know what is. But then he puts the man's body on a chair, makes him don a Christmas hat, and writes, ho, ho, ho, now I have a machine gun on him. That would be weird if it wasn't Christmas time. Right? I would get a Christmas hat otherwise.

You can only get them at Christmas time. Or six months before when they start selling them. So this film is set in a small six-month window of the year. Another gun in Christmas mashup scene, Bruce tapes a gun to his back. What does he tape it with? Yep, you guessed it. Christmas. tape.

What does that mean? It's tape that has a Christmas pattern on it. It's Christmas tape. That makes sense. The film closest with the Christmas song. Let It Snow plays as it snows. Something that very rarely happens in Los Angeles. The soundtrack also features the Christmas song Christmas in Hollisby, Run DMC.

That's two Christmas songs. Speaking of Christmas songs, Alan Rick. is very similar to, is Hans Gruber, which is very similar to Franz Gruber who composed the song Silent Night. A Christmas song. The film is very different to the book, but one of the main things that they kept in was the Christmas party setting. Christmas is clearly integral to this story. Hans Gruber is basically the Grinch. I read that on Entertainment Weekly, even they were clutching its shrews. I downloaded

the script to die hard and I read it through it and this is the opening part of the script. This is the opening description. The opening word is Christmas. Christmas tinsel on the light poles. We are looking east past Englewood into the orange grid of L.A. Christmas

tinsel! Yep. In fact these so in the script it features the word Christmas 18 times. That doesn't sound like that much. Well, some other Christmas classics that I downloaded the scripts of. Yeah, I was a bit bored last night. This is how many, in the film The Holiday, which many, no one would deny, that's a Christmas film, 23 times.

Right. So not many more. Home alone, 25 times. And it's a wonderful life, 36. So it's a wonderful life, it's often pointed to as the best Christmas film ever. So it's half as Christmassy as that. So it's half as Christmassy as the best Christmas film ever. Need, I go on!

I mean, you will anyway. I will. Die Hard was also voted as the best Christmas film ever by Empire and Forbes Magazines. So that's the reasons for it. Here are some reasons why it may not be a Christmas film. I'm very impressionable, by the way, so I'm probably going to go with whatever you say last. So you probably should have done these the other way around.

Oh, no. I'll win you back. All right. Last Christmas, public opinion and data company, UGov, here in the UK. polled over 5,000 adults. They polled them. Christmas is about giving. Oh, they asked them,

did anyone here get polled by MyGov? 5,000 were asked, do you think Die Hard is a Christmas film? And just 30% voted yes. 30%. 52% said no, 18% they don't know. Which I love. You get that, like, why are you asking me this question?

Well, like, I don't care. Who cares? Well, this follows a poll in America in 2015. 62% of voters said they do not think diehard qualifies as a Christmas movie. Clearly, a lot of people do not think it is. I also said the film closes with a Christmas song. Or so I thought. Let It Snow is played on radio stations during the Christmas season,

is often covered by various artists on Christmas-themed albums. But it actually makes no mention of Christmas. It's more of a song about snow. try and deny that this film is about snow try I wouldn't dream of it thank you thank you the national Catholic website

who may have a slight bone to pick with die hard being a Christmas film they write that just because it said it at a Christmas party doesn't mean it's a Christmas film quote Harrison Ford escapes from the law by joining a St Patrick's Day parade in the fugitive does that make it a St Patrick's Day movie nah

don't think so Matt, as our residents lapsed Catholic on the show, what do you think about that argument? Yeah, they make a good point. And so eloquently said. Yeah. Nah. No, don't think so.

What were you talking about? Where did you go? I just zoned a little bit out towards the end of that. But it did seem like a good point. About St. Patrick's Day? Yeah. We changed topics. In a way.

Look, I'm nearly there, then you get to vote. Bruce Willis himself briefly weighed in on the question earlier in the year. At his celebrity roast in July, he announced that die-hard is not a Christmas movie, it's a goddamn Bruce Willis movie. Which is a point that few are brave enough to argue with. It is technically a Bruce Willis movie. That is a great line. That's funny.

Bob, funny's funny, mate. Yep, no, you're right. Many of the haters who say that this is not a Christmas movie put that as a definitive answer but it should be pointed out that in 2017 Stephen D'Sousa the co-writer of the film's screenplay and one of its creative forces announced that he thinks it is indeed a Christmas movie he pointed to the many Christmas references in the film and last year who has even linked on his Twitter to a Christmas picture book for children based on the film title that is good I mean he may have just been trying to sell a few units but he definitely said

it is Christmas movie. I like that. So those are the points. That was the last one. You heard the last one saying it is a Christmas movie. Remember that? Right, okay, sure. Give me a round of applause.

Actually, first of all, Jess and Matt, do you think Diad is a Christmas movie? Yeah, I always thought it was. I mean, it's all, the Christmas stuff, makes it feel that it's hard to even argue against it. I don't understand what you're talking about when you're saying anyone thinks it is in a Christmas movie. Do I have to quote from the Catholic website again?

Please don't. I mean, yeah, you could, because I miss it. it the first time, but... So that's a yes for Matt, Jess? Absolutely not. It's not a Christmas film. I just wanted to be the point of contention. Thanks.

For a bit of drama, you know? Thanks. I can't believe you think that. Absolutely not. You guys never agree. You, foie. No, I'll take you. It's not Christmas.

It's a Bruce Willis fucking film. I don't care. Why can't it be both? All right. Give me a round of applause. if you agree with Jess and you think diehard is not a Christmas film

a smattering my favourite type of applause is it mainly because you haven't seen the film yeah probably didn't feel Christmasy to you that's fair I mean the constant constant Christmas references didn't I mean what do you want

you want you want reindeer alright I reckon there were toy raindies in there somewhere probably there's a Christmas tree Pretty sure There is a Christmas tree He didn't he have a present at one point

I mean fucking grow up Alright other end of the scale A round of applause if you think diehard Is in fact a Christmas film Wow Mystery Solved But I did promise you some fun facts about this Christmas film

You haven't done like Someone did it before But you're not going to mention The catchphrase It's one of my fun facts Great all right all right Shut the fuck up, man. You're ruining everything.

One of Bruce Willis' most famous lines in the films is Yippie Kayae, motherfucker. He doesn't say it like that, though. Yippie Kayae motherfucker. Very good, Dave. The line has been used by... Dave studied drama. I think they can tell. The line has been used by John McLean in all five die-hard films.

You're overdoing it by... In parts of Pakistan and India, it takes on a different meaning because in Urdu, that phrase means, here, eat this. Which I enjoy, that's fun. That's fun. In 2013, Bruce Willis admitted that Yippi at Kaye Matherfucker was really just a joke. He said this to Ryan Seacrest. It was just a throwaway. I was just trying to crack up the crew and I never thought it was going to be allowed to stay in the film.

That is classic Bruce Willis. Classic Bruce Willis film. He's so funny. He is pretty funny. Yeah, I know, I said that. Die Hard is several alternative titles in different countries. In Greece, it was called Very Hard to Die. In Norway, it was called Action Skacraper.

In Russia, it was called Hard Nut. Getting up to get that removed. Hungary probably has my favorite translation, though, where Die Hard was known as, Give your life expensive. The sequel is Your Life is more expensive. And of course the third film was called

The Life is Always Expensive. Those are all very beautifully true. I love that. A lot of the script and storyline changes they were filming it. It was very haphazard in the making of it. If the creative team liked a character's performance, they let the actor stay alive in the film longer.

DeSuzer, the screenwriter, RICKAL TO RECALS, we've got to kill somebody every 10 or 15 minutes. But let's kill this guy instead of that guy. Imagine being told, sorry, mate, you're going to die. He's really good. Wow. And finally, my favourite fact on the IMDB trivia section for diehard, which only 13 out of 112 IMDB users marked as they found this interesting,

is when John McLean is pulling the glass shards out of his feet, he says he would rather be in Philadelphia. Bruce Willis later starred in Unbreakable which was set and filmed in Philadelphia That's the most boring fact But that is Diehard, a Christmas film Well done And now we have

Now we have the definitive answer The definitive answer You heard it here And I do look forward to watching this Christmas day with my dad Every year we watch it That's nice It's a lot of fun

Anyone who hasn't seen it, you're welcome to come over What's the address? Actually, no, I was going to say it, but then this will be released with people hearing it at home. So no. I was like, you'll never make it down there. I tried to trap him. I tried to let you guys go to Dave's parents' house, but it didn't work, and I'm sorry. So close.

So that's, that's it. That's it. Merry Christmas. Nailed it. Merry Christmas. Thank you so much for having us here in London at the Phoenix. Give it up for the venue. What a fantastic place.

Awesome. We've got to thank Dave on sound over there. Did a great job. Thank you, Dave. Our tour organiser and manager, Mark Chatterley, is here. Thank you so much, Mark. He's somewhere there. We would not be here without him, so thank you so much.

It was so happy enough with the death count today. I'm so sorry that more pigeons didn't die, but... I can confirm that 12 terrorists die in diehard. And also that snooty businessman, who's maybe the best bad guy can. character in anything. Oh, Alice. Alice, so funny.

And also... Apparently that line was improvised and Alan Rickman's response to that was genuine. Like, what the fuck is he saying? Hans Bobby! Also, my report was set in the 1800s, so they're all dead now.

Yeah! There's also that great... You didn't mention the great fact about Alan Rickman that when he fell to his death. I had that written down but I thought you probably said it earlier. He fell to his death,

but he didn't say... He's the bad guy. Of course he dies. When the director said, we'll drop you on the counter. three and he had this, you know, like, what is it? About 10 of me dropped to a mat on the floor. Oh, that's weird.

And anyway, so... And the director goes, right, we're going to release you on the count of three. And he goes, one, two, and they dropped him. So his face is actually shitting himself for real on the way down. Great fact. That is a great fact. Yeah, well done that. But that does bring us to the end of the episode,

and all we have to say is Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. And to all a good night. Thank you. Thank you so much, everybody. Later. There it is. And you're back with Dave in his dining room as the sun sets over the place that I live.

Nearly said the suburb, but we're doing that. Okay, thank you so much for listening to that episode. It was fun for me to listen back to all the great times we had. Still can't, honestly, sometimes I have flashbacks to us being in the UK. and I think, did we do that? Did that happen? It was coming for so long. And before that, it was dreamt up for so long.

And now it's happened. And it was so much fun. It was like, wow. And we've had a few American listeners being like, hey, you've hit the Patreon goal that says you're going to come over and visit us. So we are definitely starting to get the very, very small steps to get the ball rolling. But hopefully 2019 is the year of the American do go on tour. All right, this is the part of the show where I like to shout out to the people.

that support us on Patreon and you can go to patreon.com slash do go on pod if you'd like to support the show that is probably the reason we're going to go to the USA next year would not be possible without our supporters at Patreon and in exchange for your support you get some little rewards from Matt Jess and I including bonus episodes we do two every single month that only the Patreon feed get to devour and also things like shoutouts I put the for example the Melbourne Comedy Festival tickets so went on sale when we We do the American tour, eventually. The tickets will be on sale, first of all, to the Patreon's there.

And when we did the UK tour, basically, a lot of the tickets were sold, we sold out so quickly because the Patreon people jumped on them so quickly. So if you want to be the first to know about stuff, Patreon is the place to be. And I'd like to thank a few people by name that support the show, one of the rewards. And I've got six lovely names sitting in front of me. Each more, no. Each as beautiful as the last. That's right.

You're all on an even playing field here. Oh, and usually we have a game, and Jess usually comes up with a game of how I thank the people. Because this is the Krish-Mish episode, and it's just me here. What I thought I would do is I jumped on to the old Google machine, and I asked if there was any, well, I asked, I asked for permission if I could find a Christmas message, like a random Christmas message generator.

And these are the Christmas messages that that generator that I found gave. Some of them, fantastic. Some of them don't make that much sense. But here we go. I would like to thank, first of all, from Canberra in Australia, which is, for the overseas people, you want to, I imagine this comes up in quizzes overseas. The capital of Australia is, of course,

the Australian Capital Territory, Canberra. And I would like to thank from that beautiful place, Kalinda Chatterton. Kalinda Chatterton. Thank you so much. Kalinda Chatterton. Thank you so much for supporting the show. And this is the random Christmas message that Google wants you to know.

There are three stages of man. He believes in Santa Claus. He does not believe in Santa Claus. Then he is Santa Claus. Deep. And true for me too, because my first uni job when I was just 19 was dressing up as characters at birthday and Christmas parties. And when it came around to Christmas time, despite the fact that I, at the time, weighed 52. kilos and was 19 years old and looked about 12. I donned a Santa outfit and I got beaten up more

than once on two occasions I got beaten up dressed as Santa. Another time, I don't think I've talked about this before. The final ever gig I did and that's when I decided I am leaving this industry, this business was I got booked at the last minute to do a Christmas party as Santa and they only had the extra extra large outfit and left over and as you can probably tell from that description that I just gave you, being 19 and 52 kilos, I was probably the other end of the scale, extra, extra small. So I put it on, went to this cricket club, there was no one there. There was about two kids. It was very, very strange. And my pants fell down because they were just so big. Luckily, the person booking the gig was looking the other way when this happened. But otherwise,

I could have been in a lot of trouble. Not a good look for Santa to lose his pants. Panta. God, I'm good. But thank you. Kalinda Chatterton, you are an amazing human being for supporting the show. On to another amazing human being that I've met many, many times at our live shows. I reckon that the name I'm about to read probably holds the record for the most live shows attended by anyone. We had a few people come to four UK tour shows, but this person has been to multiple Melbourne shows. We've seen him in Brisbane. We've seen him in Sydney.

He gets around. He's a mover and a shaker and a fantastic photography. If you can find him on Instagram from Northcote, it is Mr. Philip. Kit, Phil Kit. Hi Phil. Thank you so much for your support in the real world by coming to all those shows and also online through Patreon. And this message for you, Phil. Teacher says every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.

What about female angels? What do they get their wings? What are they chopped liver? Love that. Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings. If that was true, I would be bringing the bell all the time. Help an angel out. Suddenly the angels have 30 pairs of wings

and they're all these freak angels and they're freaking around and they're all fly in different directions. It's not very good. But that is our Christmas message for you, Phil. Hope you get something out of that, bit of wisdom. I would like to thank now from Heber City in Utah.

Utah. Meatball. Get me two. Point break. Have you seen that? Seen that film? All the characters. Utah. Anyway, Alex Sperry is the name I'd like to thank. Alex Sperry. Thank you so much. It sounds a lot like Alex Perry, which is some sort of fashion guy in Australia who always wears glasses, his sunglasses on top of his head, Alex Perry.

And for some reason in my mind, he always says, I'm Alex Perry. I don't know if that's true. But he's a bald man with sunglasses basically super glued to his head. And he looks like a legend. Do I mean that? Probably not. But Alex Perry, I would like to thank you by giving you this word of advice. There seems a magic. in the very name of Christmas. Is that true? Are they thinking of Chris Magic? I think they're thinking you of Chris Magic, which is a very magical word. But Merry Chris Magic to you, Alex Berry, and thanks for the support.

Over the months, the weeks, the years, the decades, I imagine you continue to support this show long after it's finished, but you'll be there supporting every week. Thank you. I would like to thank now from Nambore in Queensland, Carrie Belfour. Oh, Carrie Belfour.

Thank you so much. supporting the show. Great to have you on board. And remember, that's actually how this quote starts. Remember, this December, love weighs more than gold. Which scientifically, I don't think, is actually true. But the sentiment is very nice all the same. Love weighs more than gold.

Don't forget that. Carrie Bell for from Nambor. And I would like to think now from also in Nambor in Queensland. This is not a coincidence. You're both listed at the same address. So I imagine you do know each other, possibly listen to the show together, but imagine if you didn't. You signed up at a similar time to support the Patreon.

This is your dirty little secret. And really, you both like the show. So I'd like to thank from Nambor in Queensland. Rowan Belfour. Same last name and everything, Belfour. Rowan Belfour. I'm not sure if you're a couple, brother and sister. Father and son.

No, no, mother and son. Sorry, Carrie. That was my bad. But Rowan, thank you so much for supporting the show, along with Carrie. And your Christmas message just as deep. possibly a little bit deeper. Just when you thought it couldn't get any deeper,

lift up the rug, some stairs into a basement of deep. And my quote for you is, the excellence of a gift lies in its appropriateness rather than in its value. One of those things that I think sounds smarter than it probably really is, but the excellence of a gift lies in its appropriateness

rather than its value. I imagine, what they're trying to say there is don't buy some $140,000 sex toy because yes, people will be impressed that you had that much money, but also it's not appropriate for Christmas. Don't buy a sex toy for Christmas, Rowan. Grow up, as Matt would say. But thank you so much for your support. Carrie and Rowan Belfour. Much appreciated. And finally, I would like to thank all the way from Gainesville in Virginia. Love it when Virginian comes up on the show. All those sort of northeastern states,

We don't have as many supporters, but from there, but always, always a pleasure. And this supporter is called Avalino Perry. My goodness. Avalino Perry. Thank you so much for your support, Avalino. And my final quote for Christmas for you is, There are no strangers on Christmas Eve. Hmm?

What does that mean? If you go out on Christmas Eve, you know everyone? Avalino? Hey, you have my permission to go out and partay this Christmas Eve because there are no strangers. There you go. Not sure what that means. There's something for everyone there, I think.

A little bit of wisdom. A little bit of bells. A little bit of whistles, a little bit of love weighing more than gold. But thank you so much. I'm rambling now, to be honest. But thank you to everyone that supports the show at Patreon. We do appreciate that from the bottom of our heart. Remember, love weighs more than gold.

But gold is accepted at more banks around the world. So go to patreon.com slash do go on. Pod and all the links to everything that for ways to get in contact are on our website. Do Go OnPod.com, including tickets to those Melbourne Comedy Festival shows I talked about way back at the start of the episode. And all the other stuff, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube. We're all on it at Do Go OnPod or slash dogoon pod for all those things. Do Go OnPod at Gmail.com.

You want to drop us a line. I want to send us a Kishmish message. We have sent out our Kishmish cards to our Patreon supporters. So fingers crossed before Christmas, they will be hitting. your post boxes around the world. My goodness, there were hundreds this year that we sent out to, I think every continent except Antarctica has a Christmas card on its way. Man, that would be so cool.

If anyone knows anyone that lives or works in Antarctica, if we could somehow get someone on board liking the show enough, even if they don't support the show, we could just send them a Christmas card and say, we're sending one to every single continent. That would be, that'd be amazing. Let us know if you know someone who works in Antarctica. I know there are scientists down there,

but also people that help operate the bases in the airports. So there's a chance that you know someone. So get in contact. But that is the end of our Kishmish special. I hope you have a safe and wonderful Kishmish and New Year's period. We will be back next week with another episode. I've been crafting up a report all week. So hopefully it will be a good one.

That will be the last episode for 2018. And we were not taking a break. We're going straight through into January. So hopefully give you something to listen to over the, I was going to say summer period, but for many people, it's not summer at all. Hopefully keeping you warm in the northern hemisphere. But thanks again for listening, and until next week, I will say goodbye. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network.

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