Do Go On - 173 - The Baroness Of Floreana Island

Episode Date: February 13, 2019

In the 1930s German lovers Friedrich Ritter and Dore Stauch moved to the remote and uninhabited Floreana Island, hoping to leave society behind forever. All was going well but then another family arrived, hoping to share their island paradise and tensions flared. The final straw came when a mysterious woman claiming to be a baroness also turned up and claimed that she was going to build a hotel on the island. With the three parties all hating each other, it was only a matter of time before they clashed in a major way... NOTE: The Baroness of Floreana Island AKA The Galapagos Affair, is in some ways a sequel to Dave's previous report, episode 170 about The Essex. So check that out if you're keen.Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPodSubmit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Twitter: @DoGoOnPod Instagram: @DoGoOnPod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/ Email us: [e-mail] Book tickets to Matt's stand up shows via mattstewartcomedy.com/gigs  Check out our other podcasts: Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasREFERENCES AND FURTHER READINGThe Galapagos Affair, Satan Came To Eden (2013)https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2960450/https://www.gizmodo.com.au/2015/11/the-gruesome-tale-of-the-galapagos-islands-nietzsche-fueled-homesteader-death-showdown/https://theculturetrip.com/south-america/ecuador/articles/the-mysterious-murder-that-rocked-the-galapagos-islands/http://www.galapagosisland.net/galapagos_islands/the_galapagos_affair_movie_and_history.htmlhttps://siarchives.si.edu/blog/empress-galapagos-islands-part-ihttps://siarchives.si.edu/blog/empress-galapagos-islands-part-3https://www.huffingtonpost.com/cecilia-alvear/coming-soon-to-a-screen-near-you_b_3462505.html Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

Hello and welcome to another episode of Dugo One. My name is Dave Ornicki and I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. Hi Dave, hi, Jeff. Hi, Matt. Hi, Dave. Just before we started, you said, I've been trialing a new intro for the show and then you hit us with it. And I loved it. Did you really like it?

A little change of inflection on the fourth syllable. Very nuanced. It's a bold new world. Yeah. I didn't think it could get better. And when you said I've got a new one, I was like, Dave, you're crazy. I'm worried about the hate mail, to be honest. Well, and that's look.

Because people don't like change. Yeah. And every pioneer in any industry fears that. But you have to be brave. You have to be bold. You have to be Mabelene. Yeah. People don't like it, but they'll look back on today and they'll say,

Geez, there was a different time, wasn't it, back then? Yeah. Before Dave changed it all. Wow. I can't even imagine. We're part of history right now. Yeah. Those butterfly wings you just flapped in our faces?

Who knows what windy effects they may have? Thank you, Dave. Thank you for being so brave. Thank you so much. And if you are just joining us for the first time, well, that's the best intro you've ever heard. And don't go back. Don't listen to any of our previous episodes. There's some good episodes.

No, but you can't listen to them. Yeah, they don't have good intros. Yeah. So they're trash now. They're trash episodes. Everything we've ever done is trash. Got to go back and revoice them. That's true.

We'll do it. We'll let you know when that's been done. For now, trash. Don't listen. Please. Nah, listen. I beg of you. Listen or more.

Please listen. Man, I'm just doing that thing where I'm like making it like a forbidden fruit. And then they're like, oh, I'm just going to have a sneaky listen. Hey, I tell you what, please don't buy tickets to our show in Adelaide next month. Don't. Stay away. No. No, I reckon they should.

Is this working here? Oh my God, Matt. Is this working here? You do not get it. Matt, tell them not to come. Hey, I'm in Perth right now. Don't come to my show tonight or the following nights. But do come.

Is that right? Yeah. Well, it's closer. It's the subtext. Great. Yeah. So if you want to come to Adelaide, you can find tickets that do go on. Pod.com.

That's right. Pod.com. And the details in the show notes. Also, for my shows in Perth, at the moment, I'm here in the sunny star. are now fanning myself with sun and it feels real good. You can find our details at match yourcomedy.com slash gigs. That's right. We can also find tickets to your Adelaide, Melbourne and Brisbane shows.

That's right. Maybe Sydney, if that's been announced by now. I'm not sure. Now, we're also doing four live podcasts at the Melbourne Comedy Festival at the end of March through into April. I'd love to have you there as well. They're always the best. My favourite time of year.

It's like Christmas, but better. That's right. going to be putting them all out this year. In the last couple of years we put all four episodes out into the stream, but we're trying not to overflow it with live episodes this year, so we'll probably only be putting one or two of them out. So if you come into the room, you'll be seeing some real sussie and sassiness. Sussie. We're going to be very sassy this year. Yeah, I cannot wait to suss up. Do go on after dark in the afternoon. Yeah, suss. Anyway, if you are new to the show, yes, it is all plugs.

Thank you and good night Let us get into this week's episode Before I do that Matt Do you want to quickly tell the listener what the show is Yeah if you're new Boo-Bidoo Sorry a little scatting We normally do a bit of scatting

At the top of the show As a sign of respect As a son of respect Tribute to Louis Armstrong of course So if you are new to the show Yeah we do scat at the start And then we rotate between the three of us One of us does a report

Scats Sorry. That was my turn to scatter. And then one of the other three does a report on a topic they've researched, usually which has been suggested by the listeners. This week, Dave is doing that report. Jess and I don't know what the topic is, but Dave will get us on to that topic with a question.

And this week's question is. Well, my question, you kind of do know what the topic is, but I want to see if you remember what the topic is. Cast your minds back a few weeks now. Okay. Oh, this is in many ways. A second part. That's right.

God, I really don't remember much that happens in this room. Okay. Let's see. Which island did I mention and tell you to remember on my last episode? When I talked about the Essex, the boat that was struck and sunk by a whale. I just remember that the whales have semen in their foreheads. Spirm whales. Spirm whales.

And was this the ones, it wasn't the ones that it has the tortoise on it, was it? It was the tortoise? Galapagos. No, it wasn't Galapagos, was it? Oh, next door. It is one of the Galapagos Islands. Very good team. Yay!

We did it. He's looking at us like we did well. Okay. Close enough. I don't know if you will remember the name of the title. McDooche or something like that. It was a saint something? At the time it was Charles Island.

Oh, that sucks. But it has been renamed between that story and this story, which I also mentioned on the last episode, Floriana Island. Floriana. That's much better than Charles. A beautiful name. I like Charles. Love Charlie.

Love it. But Charles Island. This is a pretty big admission early in the episode. You love Charlie. Going out on the limb there. You work for the public broadcaster. I guess you are a cool youth station and you can talk in that way. The name, Charlie.

Oh. All right. Love the name, Charlie. End of sentence. Okay. But Charles Island sucks. But Floriana. Great.

A great word. I'm going on a holiday to Floriana Island. Well, you could. Hey, guys, I've got a few bags of Flory if anyone wants to party with me. Now, this topic was the one I was originally researching when I read about the Essex and decided to make it in some ways a two-parter. So this topic was suggested by Peter Kianzler from Springfield, Illinois. Apologies of I've screwed up your name there.

It could be Sprongfeld. I think it's Ilanos. Han Sprungfeld. And also Keith J. Ross from Cork in Ireland. Thank you to those two. Listeners. Appreciate that. Cool.

So Floriana Island is named after the first president of Ecuador, Juan Jose Flores. It was previously known as Charles Island named after Charles II, King of England. What Charles? An island. That's a boring name for an island. Yeah, exactly. Islands have to be a bit jazzy, don't they? Yeah.

You know? If you're going to know, yeah. Anything that's a first name outside of Gary, just I don't know if that would normally work. We've got a Philip Island. I don't really thought about it. That's very dull. It sucks.

I've never thought about it either. It's yuck. Philip Island. No good. I don't know. If this still feels better than Charles, which probably would have a similar, it would be named after someone like that, right?

Sure. Arthur Philip. Arthur Philip. It is an island that is part of the Galapagos Islands in the Pacific Ocean. This is the island that the Essex stopped in in my previous report and grabbed hundreds of giant tortoises, well remember Jess, before setting fire to the entire island in a prank gone wrong.

It's so amazing laugh. So dumb. What a great prank. They got them. So dumb. Like, oh. Sake. Start of the fire.

Oh, it is spreading. Oh, God. Yeah, I meant to do that. Ah, prank. Pranked, yeah. Sucked in, Ireland. You're burnt. So that was in 1820.

Now one of the areas of the island is called Post Office Bay. Now that I enjoy. Because since the 19th century, a wooden barrel has kept to mark as a post office and it uses a post box where ships occasionally stop by to pick up mail. These days, cards and letters are still placed in the barrel without any postage and visitors to the island go through the letters and cards in order to deliver them by hand. You can go through and be like, Oh, Melbourne, I might be going through there soon.

You grab that letter and you drop it off to Jose Flores of one Wembley place. Okay. Is that where he lives? Yeah. Probably shouldn't know. So he's addressed out of Atlanta. So that is... Luckily you didn't give away the suburbs.

So he didn't mention that it was Hawthorne. Oh, thank God I didn't say it was Hawthor. So that's the previous story and a bit of background. Our story this week starts proper in Germany in the 1920s. Ooh, I like the 20s, the flappers and the do-wots. Yeah, yeah. I mean, to be honest, not a great time towards the end of the 1920s in Germany in many ways, but throughout this decade, with war on the rise, that's what I was talking about,

small groups of European settlers began to migrate to several of the Galapagos's larger 15 aisles. With the Second World War in two decades, seeming pretty much inevitable at this point, there's no much wonder that many wanted to get away from Europe. The Ecuadorian government, the country in charge of the Galapagos Islands, were struggling financially and were happy to have the settlers. In fact, to encourage them, settlers were invited to enjoy free plots of land with hunting and fishing rights and didn't have to pay tax for the first 10 years. What? Free land!

So free land on a tropical island, away from war, to many, it sounded like paradise. Oh no. It does sound like paradise, which I'm going to then guess means something's going to go wrong. Uh-oh. Am I right, Dave? You're not wrong. Was this an early version of the fire festival? Yeah, you were tweeted that you were watching the documentary on it.

A little while back, yeah. It was a wild story. It's such a massive fuck up on so many levels. Amazing. I love a cluster fuck. Yeah, it is one of those. Can you just watch it slowly happening? Can I tease this story and say that this is a fuck up on so many levels?

Yay! Had a funny feeling. The original fire festival. Well, so to many people, this fire festival sounds like Paradise. So one of the people that it sounded like Paradise too was a German doctor in these mid-40s called Frederick Ritter. Ritter. Fred Ritter. I don't mind it.

Yeah, great name. Together, he and his lover, Dora Storch. Dora Storch. Who was 15 years his junior, decided to give up their lives in Germany and move to the Galapagos. Are we laughing at Dora Storff? Just say it quicker, it's funny. Dora Storch. That's pretty funny.

I just think her parents didn't really think that through, you know? Like, sure, you liked the name Dora, but you didn't pair it with your surname to see how it all sounded. Yeah, what are you pairing with Storch though? Yeah. Pick a name and it sounds great with Storch. Jennifer. Jennifer's Torch.

Much better. Dora Storch, stupid. Yeah, that's true. But I like how stupid it sounds. Dora Storch. Sounds like you're saying Dora's Torch. Oh, I was thinking... Does she set fire to the island?

Is it a clue? Is it a clue, Dave? Yeah, this is, I'm wanting you to solve this. That's true. Can you jump in with some theories? Early, early ideas. Pretty early on. So, they decided to move to the Galapagos together.

The two at this time were married to other people. Okay. Okay. But had met when Dora was a patient of Dr. Ritters. Oh, no. I hope she didn't have anything weird. Well, she had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis or MS, a condition that even now,

there was no non-cure. So back in the 1920s, didn't have great medicine for it. I was just hoping she didn't have herpes or something and then they fell in love. Regardless. Why did you hope that? Sure that way, he'd be in a great position. He goes, hey, you got herpes. But I love you anyway.

Oh, that's nice. I love, I love you, I love herpes. I've said too much. I just want to find someone who'll accept me, herpes and all. Okay, so she's got MS. MS, which affects the nervous system. But Dr. Ritter told his patient that with the right frame of mind and environment, she could overcome her condition.

Basically, she could will herself to get better, which is absolute bullshit, but she believed him. Because he's a doctor. Yeah, you would. The cure is, sorry to be inappropriate, but we're going to have to bone. It's the only cure. I have a magic dick. I have a magic dick.

Wasn't that? We did an episode where a guy went around. and Sani had a magic dick. Oh. The 100th episode, I think it was the 100th episode, was about to go and had a magic dick. Which apparently someone's still going to a jar somewhere. Ew.

And it's big. And magic. Yeah. I mean, that's the double you want. If you want to get the genie out of the bottle, you're really going to rub it. So, doctor says, if we go to this place together and get in the right frame of mine, you'll overcome this illness. Yeah.

Frederick himself was a devoted student to the teachings of German philosopher Frederick Nietzsche who wrote, quote, To live is to suffer. To survive is to find some meaning in the suffering, end quote. So both Ritter, Dr Ritter and Dora hated the idea of domestic life and wanted to experience something more meaningful and hoped by living a life of solitude away from material possessions

that they could get more meaning in their suffering. That's the aim of this whole exercise. That's a good aim. Someone said to me recently that I don't talk about Tism enough anymore. I used to everything I would bring back to Tism in early episodes. You mentioned Nietzsche. They had an early song, an early demo song that was called I'm going to see a Nietzsche double feature. That's nice.

Yeah. That is good. Huh? Really rolls off the tongue. Geniuses. Beautiful. Real good. Jin-Y.

Jeon-Yi, sorry. Dora was devoted to the doctor and before they left ominously wrote in her diary, Quote, quote, Frederick is my... Sorry, croat. Well, that's how German say quote. Right. No, it's not. No.

Dave, don't try and fool us. Sourcroat? She sourcrowded, quote. Frederick is my guide and my teacher. Frederick is my fate. Oh. And sourcrout. Sounds like a cult of two.

Yeah. Yeah, basically. He's a cult leader. Not that charismatic, but enough for one person. Because I reckon it would take a lot of charisma to get heaps of people on board and keep them on board. But if you can just get one dummy to just love you so much and do everything you say, I mean, that's the dream.

I mean, that's a relationship. Yes. Yeah, I guess that is. I mean, a toxic relationship. That's funny to think of relationships as many cults. Yeah. Yeah, just a little cult of two. Oh, that's cute.

Nice. I love that. I was always like, let me know where you are at all times and what time you'll be home. You have the weddings as sort of a cultish ceremony in itself. Yes. Yeah, it makes sense. You keep cyanide in the fridge just in case. Yeah, that's cultish.

The Galapagos was chosen as their destination of a choice for this suffering camp because naturalist William Beebe had described the Galapagos as the end of the world. So that sounded like, oh, that's the right place to go for us. We want to go to the end of the world. So they took off. They left their respective spouses behind in Germany with instructions to take care of each other. Oh, that's nice. That's so weird.

Just leaving you a letter. I was like, hey, I'm leaving and I'm going with this woman. But there's a guy across town. Can you look after him? Just check in on him. He knows how you're feeling right now. Yeah. Just check in.

Maybe, you know, cook him a meal or something. All right, bye. And those two people were Elizabeth the second and Philip, the husband of her. Philip, the husband of her. That's how they got together. Yeah. Who did you? Not many people know that.

They both got ditched. Yeah. Both of them were married to royalty. Yeah, that's right. And they ditched them for hell. Yeah. Dumb. The end of the world.

Love is love. History is history. Yeah. What can I tell you? They took a four-week boat ride to Ecuador. Then they had to wait another month to be able to find a boat that would take them to the remote Galapagos. But finally, they made it to Floriana, a completely uninhabited 173 square kilometer or 67 square mile island. That just means nothing to me.

I can't, I can't compute that. Is that big? Yeah. That's quite big for an island. That's a big for an island. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe this might make sense.

So they're closest neighbors. from this island were 60 miles away by boat. Right. Yeah, but I just want to know how big the land. Sometimes when we used to go canoeing in the Murray River, we'd say we found an island and it was just like a little bit of sand with maybe a tree in it. And we'd be like, oh, on an island.

Okay, so it's a lot bigger than that. It's a lot bigger. It's not like one of those cartoon deserted oasis islands with one palm tree and a couple of coconuts. Like it's a reasonable size of a Melbourne suburb, I'd guess. Cool. Got it. But which one?

just so I can picture it. And then... Burwood? Okay. And now do every other major city for all the listeners. So it's like the size of Burwood. So they've got a 24-hour Kmart. I got that shopping complex.

Oh, it's way bigger than Burwood. Burwood's only 8.7 square kilometers. What? You fucked it. I also don't know the scale. I'm just making this up. I love that though. Thank you for...

No, but I got a picture in my head. Yeah. You know? It's big enough. How many Burwoods isn't it? I can have my shack over here. Just imagine like... You can have your shack over there.

I don't have to see you. Yeah. It was like five or six berwoods? Yeah, is it like five or six berwoods? It's like 30 Berwoods. 30 Berwoods is our new unit of measurement. Let's get back to the story. Anyway, they found this giant Burwood-like paradise.

They explored the island and settled in a valley and hours walk inland next to a spring that could supply them with fresh water. They called their new home Frido, combining the words Frederick and Dora. Oh. Friedo. We had different reactions there. You almost thought that was cute. No, I was just like, oh, I was sure that was like a freedom thing.

Freedom. Hey, freedom. Hey. I'm freedom here. So they finally made it to their destination that they'd been dreaming of for so long. But it was a very tough life. Hordes of feral animals like goats and cattle left over by pirates or earliest settlers greeted them and were eager to share the produce of their garden.

It's nice that they greeted them. Round of pie. It's like when you start a new game of the Sims, your neighbours come over and say hi. So you get to meet a few people like straight away. That's nice. Have I told a story in the pot before? I don't know what I have when I met my neighbour. No.

So I live in an apartment on the third floor. There's only two apartments. So he came over one night. He was just walking around and he was quite drunk. And he came over to thank us for picking up his girlfriend's pot plant that had fallen in the wind on their balcony. We had not picked up the floor. Oh, I love that. Did you take credit?

He's a man. He's an American guy. I just wanted to tell you, thanks so much for that. And then I'm trying to be like fun. It's Elvis. I'm trying to be like fun and friendly. So I say at the end, like, oh, it was great to meet you. Now we've met, I wanted to say, you know how you have that joke with a neighbor. If you ever need to borrow a cup of sugar.

Yeah. I said, if you ever want to come around for some sugar, I'm right here. Luckily, he was really, he sort of looked at me like, what the fuck? And then his girlfriend came out and sort of rescued him. I was like, no, we've got to come back inside, come back. And I was just like, oh my God, I think I just propositioned my neighbor. Wait, you made it sound like the girlfriend was about to save it,

but she just took him away and didn't save it at all. Yeah, but I think that she saved the awkward moment. Yeah, right. Because it was just like him looking at me like, what the fuck did this guy say to me? If you ever want to come around from some sugar. I'm super. When I moved into my apartment, our neighbor came over with a packet of Tim Tams.

because he put some rubbish in our bin. Oh, that's nice. Just to say thanks. I think so. Did you notice that there was some rubbish in your bin? In our bin that was already out to be collected. It was not affecting me in anyway. That is a...

That's so sweet. It's a conscientious man. Yeah. I like that, though. I was very confused. Let me just ask you this. Did you give him some sugar? Yeah.

Well, I'd certainly put it on the table. I dropped my 10. I said, oh, sorry, let me pick this up. And you bet down real slow. Anyway, we're talking about feral animals welcoming them to the island. That's nice. The Ritters, as I will refer to them, because she would, Dora would often refer to him as her husband, even though they weren't married.

So I refer to them as the Ritters, tried to keep the hungry animals away, but only had a bird gun, rat poison, and dynamite. That were their three options. Yeah, so you can only kill birds, rats and dinosaurs. And mites. Mites. There are attempts to shoot poison and explode the wild hogs, which are the most annoying. Explode the wild hogs.

Quick, duct tape this dynamite of this hogs back. Oh, God, it's running into the house. Get out of there, piggy. He's coming in, getting a pat. Stop patting it. That pig's about to go up. Well, these were unsuccessful, but in the end, the dynamite made the hogs nervous enough to stay away. Wow, smart hogs.

Love those hogs. They do say pigs are pretty smart. Smart as a dog. Smarter than a dog, whatever. And very clean. Apparently. Apparently. Stop projecting, Dave.

You're the pig, not the pig. Yeah. Perhaps the pig was in you all along. Get that pig out of you, mate. I got the dynamite. I'm going to blow the shit out, so to speak. So they didn't eat meat. Storned vegetarians, these two,

and had to live off vegetables and fruits grown from seeds they brought with them from Germany. Why are you saying? Well, I was like, I'm like, what's the problem? It sounds like food is walking up to their house. Yeah, if you're not eating meat. If you're not eating it, that's not so handy. That's just annoying.

Yeah. Okay. Well, prepare yourself for what is possible. You don't like pulled pork, but do you like an exploded pig? Dave's saying prepare yourself. If the pig died naturally from dynamite related reasons, surely you can eat it. Yeah.

Yeah. But I'm not going to slaughter it. With dynamite. But if it happens to walk over the dynamite, I just put down over there. Put down with a bit of sticky tape on the top of it. So when it walks over it, it attaches to the bottom of the pig. I just accidentally rolled it down into the pig hole where they all live.

I assume. I dropped it. What's the problem with storing dynamite in a pig hole? What could possibly go wrong? Those poor pigs. This is my dynamite hole. Are they about to be exploded? You got to shove it right in the pick hole.

Dave, you were warning us of something. What's going to happen? Prepare yourself of what is possibly the most insane part of this story. To be honest, insane story. It's quite early for an insane part too. I love that. Lucky they only ate fruit because before he left Germany, Dr. Ritter removed all of his teeth.

Okay. Sorry. He figured that it would be hard to care for them on the island anyway. and reportedly also wanted to see if his gums were tough enough if they had to. So he just took out all of his teeth. So that was an experiment on himself. He wanted to see. What was his plan B?

Turns out they're not. I'll take the teeth back in. Pop them back in, please. And when you say lucky they only ate fruit, like, you can't buy it into an apple or even chew it if you chop it up. Wow. Oh my God. No!

Dora still had her teeth. No! But after a while, they started to rot and the good doctor had to run. had to remove them using his gardening tools. Oh, he was smart to get him done early. He didn't mention the plan to her. She's like, they rock up to the boat on, like to, they board the boat to get there. And he's like, hey, how are you?

Hey, honey, good to see you. She's like, where the fuck your teeth? Oh, didn't I tell you? I'm actually okay with him. There's no way to brush my teeth on the island. I'm okay with him taking out her teeth because when you said Dora had her teeth, I was like, she's going to eat all of the food and feed him like a baby bird. I haven't stopped.

Finish the story. Ah. Ritter had brought a pair of metal false teeth with him, but they only had one, so they had to share the metal false teeth to eat food with. That's smart. That's love. That is so much.

Sharing false teeth. Can you pass your metal teeth? My turn. No, one of the rotter to their diet was only fruit as well. I just eat basically in sugar every day. Gross. At first I was dubious about this teeth story because it actually wasn't mentioned at all.

And a great documentary I watched about this called The Galapicus Affair. But several articles online did, so now I do believe it, including the Smithsonian. So I'll link to all of those in the show notes and you can make it about what you will. But in my opinion, they're now sharing metal teeth. That's love. That's romance. Oh, after removing them with gardening tools. I mean, you're a doctor.

Could you not bring like a medical kid or something? I like how vague gardening tools is as well. What are we talking on sacketres? A rake. One rake. All right, I've got to break out the molars. Yeah, just like a garden gnome. One of those three prong things that have never unshed for some reason.

That's actually a nightmare. I mean, nobody likes the idea of getting teeth pulled. But like, I got my wisdom teeth out. And the dentist was like, yeah, I could definitely take these out in the chair. And I was like, no, no, put me under, thanks. I could definitely take these out with a rake. I could do this. He wasn't a dentist.

He was a gardener. He was a man on the street. So you went under because you took forever to recover. Maybe you should have had him out in the chair, Bob. No. Listen to that dentist. No. He knows what he's talking about.

No. He's a dentist. No. Once again, no. He's a great gardener. Have you seen his lawn? My goodness. That thing.

Well, I haven't seen. Not a tooth in sight in that long. Yeah, true. Fantastic work. True. So they're teethless. Having a great time. They were supposed to live a life of contemplation and the isolation.

But because they had to do so much manual labor just to get by, they didn't have a lot of time. for that. Not a lot of meditation time. No, to be honest, because they... Not to make time. They're battling the elements. I'm hearing a lot of excuses here. They're not making time. No teeth, no time. What's wrong? What's wrong? Come on, mate.

The island was not really a place for rest. Not surprisingly, with just the two of them and a lot. Friedrich and Dora fought a lot. Oh, trouble in paradise. That's where that phrase comes from. Yes, yes, it does. Hi. Oh, I would...

Oh, I would have to do a little. Oh, sir? Oh, there you go. Have you seen my right? Frederick was, Frederick, Frederick, all the same to me, was tough on his companion and never praised her in his letters back home to his family, only complaining about how she constantly disappointed him. Disappointed is a half word too.

Dora felt lonely and spent her time and love on the animals, forming a bond with a donkey. Oh, Dora. I tried to rephrase that. in so many ways it didn't imply she was fucking the donkey, but I just couldn't do it. Yeah, regardless. That did not imply the truth.

I just went straight to Domney Town. It did. She's fucking the donkey. Forming a bonk. So you hear forming a bond and you think fucking. I only form bonds with things that I fuck. Right. Wow.

That rake for example. Yeah. This further disappointed Frederick, who just saw it as her flattering the animal within herself. She had an animal Oh, okay Now that sounds like she's burning the donkey A donkey

She longed for attention And he, to put it lightly, was a bit of a fuck wit Yeah, it sounds like a real prick You don't want to be alone with this guy forever Basically, you've decided to live here Until you die with this guy Could she go back?

It would be difficult They have to wait a long time for a boat And it was very expensive to get back So I don't know what their financial situation was And also she has no teeth now So I don't know what's the point That's the point

Get busy chumpin Get busy dying Where were they from again? Germany Germany You can't have any of that beautiful German cuisine Like Strudel

You got pork knuckle Pretzels Which is half a chicken I'm just saying things That were on sale at Octoberfest I think I've gone through all of them now Fairy floss What did you eat?

Just pretzels? I lived on pretzels Fuck yeah I loved them. I love pretzels. Big pretzels. So good. Big pretzels, big pears.

Yeah. I felt like a tiny little child. I'm a little man. That's how Dave feels always. Yeah. You hand Dave normal size cutlery and he's like, oh, I'm a big boy. Yeah, give me a mini pretzel and I'm like, what is this giant food? So they're sending letters home to Germany via post office base every now and then.

A boat would come along and pick up the mail. and some of those were linked to the press and sensational articles were written about this wild couple who lived alone and naked on this remote island. If I was Dora, I would put myself in the letterbox and wait to be picked up. Take me home. I'd put a little stamp on myself.

I'd go home, please. And they'd think, well, she's deranged. Let's get her out of here. Does he be in that barrel floating in the bay? No, it's on a beachy sandbin. Oh, right. But, yeah. I'm a little flag on it.

She doesn't know when they're coming, but she'll be right. So because of these articles, they became minor celebrities back home. There were all these sensational articles written about them. After their newfound fame, they had their first visitor. A boatload of men led by oil tycoon, Captain Ellen Hancock dropped by. I love an oil tycoon. He was one of those, which, well, I suppose we still have them these days like... Gina Ryan Hart.

I was going to say Gina Ryan. So he's one of the, what there's people from the old school, like Howard Hughes or someone who's rich and incredibly insane. Right. They were just, you know, like a Richard Branson type. Like, I've got money, so I'm going to do something weird. Right. That's this guy. I don't think Richard Branson's insane.

But he does crazy adventures like, oh, I'm going to bloody water ski across the English channel. Yeah, he does love to break some records and that's insane to you. Some records. I mean, you hosted many world record breaking shows, Dave. And you're from the Aflorn East. Is this a cry for help? It's a cry for intonity. It's a bleak.

But so he's one of those old-school, you know, oil tycoons. Despite claiming to want to live a life of solitude, the couple welcome to the outsiders. It's funny about that. They've been alone for a few months together. And even dined on the boat where the captain, an accomplice cellist, played music that led Dora to tears

as she thought it might be the last time she would ever hear music. Oh, that's so sad. The part in the news articles where it said they were nude, Are they nude? No, not completely nude. They're gums, though. Yeah, they're nude gums. I mean, because it's very hot at times in the island,

so they wouldn't wear that much. But like, not like, completely naked. Do they have sunscreen back then? Yeah, so. It's pig's blood. That's true. Oh, that's why they're exploding them. Yeah.

I will not kill this animal to eat it, but I will kill it. It's a rub the blood on my skin. It's just be sunburn all the time. This pig is SPF 15 plus. Plus. Oh, they also accepted many supplies from the captain that would make their lives much more comfortable on the island. iPad.

Remember? They're supposed to be these people that don't want any of the luxuries of life. But then when someone's like, hey, do you want this? They're like, yes, please. Yeah. Back home in Germany, married couple Heinz and Margaret Whitmer, or Vitma read about the doctor and Doris and decided that they too would like to try their hand at finding a paradise.

They took their young son Harry And headed off to Floriana Oh my God Harry, Harry, no Harry was sick So preteen, she was about 10 or 11 at this time Was sick and wanted And that had been his whole life

They described him as a big little fragile And they wanted to give him a healthy Quote Swiss family Robinson existence Yeah, he's a little pussy bitch I just don't think going to an island With nothing around Is what you should do to someone Yeah, but I imagine, you know, it's a Paradise Island.

It's probably a big hospital there as well. Yeah, heaps of friends for him. Yeah. Help grow his confidence. That's really fascinating that I wonder how long they thought about it, you know, before they made that decision to just pack up everything and move to an island. When they arrived, the Wittmers, they wondered if they'd made a mistake. They got there.

And the island, it's not like a tropical paradise exactly how you'd imagine it. I'm imagining. like banana lounges and cocktails. Is it not like that? It's not like that. Ah. There's only hammocks. But at least the hammocks, but they'll deliver your drinks to the hammock.

Do they bring the hotels out? Of course. And do they not feel it so much so that when you're swinging in the hammock, it doesn't spill? Yep. They think of that? That's true. I love that. Or they give you drinks in sippy cups.

Egonomic hammock. Love that. But so it's not one of those, a typical tropical paradise island that you'd imagine. So it's a volcanic island. And yeah, you had to sort of. go an hour's walk at least into the island to find somewhere where you could set up camp. So you're not exactly sleeping on the beach and living a Fiji existence. So they got there, they're wondering if they made a mistake, but just to get there,

they'd sold everything they own and they didn't have enough money for a return journey. So they couldn't back at now even if they wanted to. They had hoped the witness that they'd be welcomed with open arms by their fellow German settlers, who had been on the island a couple of years by this point, but the welcome they got was anything but warm. Oh, dear. Margaret Whitmer was also five months pregnant. Oh, my God, Margaret.

And the family had specifically chosen this island to settle because it had a doctor on it. When they told Dr. Ritter this, he was furious. It's like he, I mean, they've clearly chosen to live by themselves in the middle of nowhere. But he settled here to get away from that sort of life. And he did not want to be someone's personal doctor. So he was pissed off and told him, I'm not going to help you. Also, they didn't read. read and worship Nietzsche, so that was a black mark against their family name.

Dora immediately did not like Mrs. Whitmer, who she sensed with someone who would dedicate themselves to housekeeping. The very thing she despised. She saw her as a classic house frow. A housewife of sorts and she was like, well, this is the exact thing that I've tried to get away from. And you're... Yeah, they didn't want domestic life.

Yeah. And these people are so domestic. You're a bit of a domestic goddess. But it's sort of, yeah, it's like, yeah, we want to live that domestic life in the bush somewhere. Oh, no, that's right. You think that arrive and you'd be like, oh, at least we're on the same page, kind of. Yeah. Rather than set up camp near them, Dr. Ritter took the Wittmers a tough hour-long walk away from them and showed the Wittmer some old caves that had once been lived in by pirates and told them that they should set up in there.

So they thought they'd form this new community with the two families and maybe more because they know, they're German. Yeah. They're from the same place. They could get on. But no, he was like, no, you go an hour over there and live in a cave. Adelaide's a bit like that, I think Big German settlement Oh yeah they have that People living in caves

Yep And there's at least an hour walk between each house Yeah Streets are very long Long streets there Yeah Everyone loves their privacy I respect that

Oh it's an hour if you walk really slowly Yeah Despite being sent away from the others The Wittmers really nailed the island life And were actually much better at living off the land Than Dr Ritter and Dora anyway They could grow and farm their own fruit, vegetables and meat. The other couple, however, seemed to rely on supplies dropped off from boats every few months,

despite their longing to be alone at all times. So they were living on handouts. And the Whitman, so they told to piss off. Is that because they got them far enough away from the animals eating their produce? I think Heinz Vitma just turned out to be a sort of... He knew how to build a fence around. He just knew how to live off the land a lot better than the... the others and sort of just became a bit of a bear guerrills type.

Oh, I was drinking his piss. That was the secret. All I know about bear grills. Probably one thing he did one episode. Or is that something he does all the time? I've seen him do it a few times. Yeah. I've enjoyed it every time.

Yeah. Does he, like, he just pisses, like, up in the air into his mouth? That's usually into some sort of canteen. Oh, yeah. I'd just cut out the middleman, ma'am. Does he then filter it at all? Can you filter it? What do you do to put?

piss. Drink it. Right. Sorry, stupid question. Thank you. As soon as it came out of your mouth, I knew you were thinking, God, I'm an idiot. That's what I think. Anytime I say anything, if you ever doubt that, then you're an idiot. Anytime I speak in my head, I'm going, shut up, idiot. There's the Do Go On Wisdom account where they tweet out quotes. I really hope that one of them is, Can You Feel to Piss? Jess Perkins, episode 172, 73. I think it was what do you do to piss. Neither couple was alone for much longer because just two months later a lady arrived on the island calling herself the Baroness.

Oh, I like her already. She was on a donkey and carrying a revolver. Yeah. And then Dora was like, there's a hot donkey about there. Oh, might have I take you a donkey for his kid. I like the look of that donkey. The Baroness. The Baroness.

His real name was Eloise Bosque de Wagner Verhorn. Yes, Eloise. She was an Austrian who claimed to have royal ancestry. And that's why she called herself the Baroness. Right. Love that. And that's why she moved to an island nowhere near where. Where she had any power.

She was accompanied by Rudolf Lorenz and Robert Philipson, her two German lovers. Ooh. And announced that she had come to establish a hotel for millionaires on the island. Yes. Her lovers would also double as the architect and engineer for the hotel.

What convenient choices in lovers she had made. Without any discussion, she decided that she would be living in the Orange Grove right next to the Vitmer's stream. She went to the stream and one of the men she was with took off her shoes

and she began to wash her feet in the Vitmer's drinking water in front of them. Okay, she sucks. So that's one family pissed off. She then went around to Dr. Ritter and sat in his deck chair uninvited and demanded a cup of tea whilst telling them that she wanted to turn the island into a Miami for millionaires. Ritter, anti-capitalist and old, despised this idea.

She was planning to ruin his solitude with the very thing he was trying to escape. They basically told her to fuck off. She was enraged at their disrespect. She's incredible. She's pissed off them. She is my queen. I love her. Oh, this is your drinking water so I could wash my first.

feet literally anywhere else except right here. Nah. I'm going to wash my feet right here. I mean, he's already taking my shoes off. I don't like her. Wow. That's controversial, Matt. I can't see why not.

Well, she just seems a little off. I think she'll grow on you. She sounds to me a little rude. I'm sorry to use that language. I think you're being a bit. Put it away, mate. A bit precious. What do you think Dora thinks of it?

I think Dora. That's that donkey. I want to say Dora hates her, but I think maybe Dora likes her. Well, she disliked the Baroness immediately, but wrote that she liked her more than Mrs. Vitma, who was nothing more than a housewife. She respected her at least and said, quote, even as an enemy, she is a person worthy of one's steal. Right, okay.

So she respected her. At least she's not a housewife. Basically, that's what she wrote. Wow, Dora, get off your high donkey. The Baroness called her. Nothing. Nothing. No, I think it's a good point.

You two can go fuck yourselves. Well, maybe we will. The Baroness called a camp where she planned to build the future hotel, the Hussienda Paradiso. More like Hussianda Paradiso. Thank you. Thank you so much. She claimed the island for herself and did not like when outsiders arrived.

There was a story that went around that she was also a great self-promoter. So this story possibly also was told by her to give herself a bit of a rep to the outside world. a story goes around that a honeymoon a honeymooning couple cast a drift in a small boat from another island landed on Floriana. The Baroness refused them aid and forced them back out to sea again to an unknown

conclusion. She may have told that story herself. You may have told that story. Maybe to give herself a rep and to make people not want to arrive on the island that she wants now to claim for herself to become a multi-millionaire. Two Norwegians who lived on a nearby

and much larger centre cruise island arrived one day to go hunting and shot one of the wild cows on the island that had been there from previous settlers. The Baroness appeared and claimed that they had shot her animal and chased one of the sailors with a gun and threatened him, claiming that she now owned everything on the island.

How is that? How does she claiming that? She's claiming it by pointing a gun at him saying, that's my cow, get the fuck up. She's actually a psycho. So there's no laws necessarily? No. This is part of...

It's part of Ecuador, but obviously there's no police force here. Yeah. Yeah, she has nothing. Someone could kill her. Someone probably does kill her. Someone could kill her, yes. Ooh. So, oh, this feels like it's, I mean, if you're one of those, especially the first people there, you'd be like, if you're all threatening us with guns, this is going to escalate, I would have thought.

Well, when Dr. Ritter found out about this, about how she chased some Norwegian, who he actually personally knew, one of the guy. reportedly when she chased him, appeared at Dr Ritter's camp with his clothes all messed up because he'd travelled across land to get away from her. His clothes were ripped to shreds and told Dr Ritter what had happened. He wrote a letter reporting the Baroness's behaviour to the local governor, hoping that he'd come and be like, you can't do that here. There's also stories of the Baroness shooting donkeys for fun and nursing them back to health. Basically, she sounds like a terrible person.

Yeah, she's a sociopath. I'm warming to her. But because of her spreading rumors about herself, it is hard to know what is exactly true and what isn't. But what weird rumours to start about yourself? Like, I would start a rumor that I was super nice. I hear she's really nice. You know that the old thing?

No such thing is bad press. And she got in the papers back in Germany too because of all these stories. Because she was really nice. Nearly killing a donkey just to nurse back to health is pretty bizarre. Yeah, that's very odd. Hey. Like some cogs aren't quite turning properly in her head, you know? Like that's...

I mean, either way, it's weird. If she's doing it, that's obviously fucked. If she's telling people she's doing it, possibly even weirder. Yeah. Over the Vitmer's camp, pregnant Margaret began to give birth. Over 72 hours. No. In the cave.

No. At first, she refused her husband's office to go and get Dr. Ritter's help. After all, he had been very rude when they initially asked, And she said, I want to give birth of that, that guy. I don't need him. But then the blood and pain became too much. And after 72 hours, she screamed for her husband to go and get Dr. Ritter as she was worried that she and the baby would die.

He came back with Dr. Ritter three hours later. And Ritter, to his credit, immediately went into doctor mode and delivered the baby. That's pretty good. Three hours isn't crazy long because it's an hour return, right? Yeah. Hour each way. So it took him an hour to convince him. Please.

Please. It involved performing an operation with that anesthetic. Margaret successfully gave... But gardening tools. Huh? A rake. Don't worry, I've done this before. Indora's mouth.

I'll rake that baby out of you. Margaret successfully gave birth to a son named Rolf. I would have got him rake. As a tribute. He comes out. The baby's first step is on a rake. Such a bump. Ritter, despite his initial reluctance, wrote of Margaret's bravery in his diary during the painful birth

and was very happy that Rolf was healthy. That's nice. So he came round a little bit. Well, like, come on. You've got a very handy set of skills and someone's giving birth. 72 hours. Oh, God. Oh, God.

72 hours. And obviously, it's horrible enough when you're on drugs and in a hospital, which most people have these days for 72 hours sometimes. But you know it's going to be okay because you're in a clean environment surrounded by professionals but she was alone in the cave for a lot of that. Why didn't they wait? Like if she was already five months pregnant

when they got there, I suppose they would have known she was pregnant before they left. Right? So just stay, have the baby then go. Then go. I know. But not a great time in Germany.

Remember they really felt like they need to get away. The Baroness was also pleased by the news and arrived to give the baby boutique clothes. Dr Ritter and Doris and Dora also gave presents to the baby and momentarily the three parties on the island got on very well. It seemed like that the birth had brought them together and that maybe they could be friendly after all.

Oh, Dave, I feel like you're saying that just to bring us, to give us some false hope. No, end of report. They lived here after. Oh, yay. They became great friends and even better lovers. Oh. No, they then had another visit from the cello playing eccentric oil tycoon, Captain Hancock, who was pleased to meet.

the island's two newer parties and he invited them all aboard his boat. Well, they all immediately began to quarrel. Okay. And they spent the rest of the afternoon keeping them three parties separate. Okay. Now at a wedding when you're told, like, you better keep Auntie Mary away from Cheryl because they do not get along. Yeah, it's that.

But all of them. But that, yeah, like that the, all of the guests you invite. Every guest you're like, you have to keep them. All right. We've invited 80 people to this wedding and no one can talk to each other. It's going to be fun. I can't wait for the speeches. It's going to be a magical day.

No one listened to the speeches. Just like before, Captain Hancock gave Dr. Ritter gifts and supplies for his camp. And the Baroness demanded that they fairly distribute the gifts to all three of the camps. Ritter, seeing them as a gift for himself, cracked the sheds. Because they were a gift for him, but... Yeah. Yes, yes. The Baroness is like, I want it.

Well, we all live here. You should all share that lamp oil. Where does that logic come from? But also, you're a Baroness. You're your own land. The logic comes from that she's a really selfish person. She's a sociopath. Now, if you remember before,

the governor of the Galapagos eventually arrived with the soldiers to investigate the allegations made against the Baroness about the Norwegian hunter that she'd threatened with a gun. But like many other men, in the end, the governor was completely charmed by the Baroness and gave her a title for four square miles of land to build her hotel.

Meanwhile, he gave Ritter and Dora and the Whitmer's only 50 acres each. a lot less land. The governor also declared that the Vitmer Spring can be used by both the Vitmas and the Baroness. So she got permission to hang around all the time and got more land than everyone else. Even though the whole reason that he was there

was to tell her to stop threatening people with the gun. Right. Surely it's a baroness that we would split up this land equally between the three of us. Yeah, that's right. We had to split up those gifts before. Wow. So now she's got the land for her hussy and her. And the others are more annoyed than ever.

The Baroness, it seems, had even grander visions and wanted to become a movie star of sorts. What the fuck? I could pick one thing and do it. She's just doing everything. She convinced our old friend, Millionaire Oil Tycoon Captain Hancock to return to the island

and shoot a short, silent film with her as the star. And boy, is it bad? I bet. It is on YouTube and you can watch it in its entirety. It is called The Empress of Floriana and goes for four minutes. That's too long. So basically he funded the whole thing. He had to pay like a film crew to come along,

which obviously was very expensive in the 1930s. They had to go to the middle of nowhere. So he's really rich. He's crazy. He's like Richard Branson. Yeah, they sound like they're made for each other. Yeah. In the film, a married couple wash up on the beach

and the empress and her lover messed with a couple by shooting the wife on the beach. And when the husband arrives at their camp to ask for water, the empress says, quote, it's one of those things where they're acting and then like a title card comes up with what the dialogue is. She says, first, you must do something for me. Ooh, and then it tends to do a porno.

Well, that's something, is to kill her lover. So she shoots the husband's wife on the beach who was played by one of the young cabin boys on the oil tycoon's boat. He's wearing a terrible blonde wig. And I actually shot him. Yeah, yeah. I like realism. Too expensive to ship him back. And then the.

And the husband shot her lover, and the film ends with the baroness and the husband making out behind a piece of cloth. So basically, it is a porno. And it is an absolute cinematic masterpiece, and I suggest you watch it. I don't know what kind of porn Dave's watched. Two people making out behind a piece of cloth. Yeah, basically porn. Oh, baby. Stop talking about it.

You're getting it all flustered. That is hot stuff. He's gone all red. That is. So hot. So hot. And his face is too. Hmm, something about.

So I've written here, so that's a bit of fun. And you were right to write that. But for the most part, 1934 was not much fun on the island as it was filled with drought and an astonishing heat wave. The days were much hotter than usual and the rain that they relied so heavily upon just never came that year. The drinking water became low and plants and animals began to die off. Both the animals the settlers had brought with them and the local native wildlife. You know you're in trouble when the lizards and things on the island that have lived there in harmony for tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands of years, and they're dying. And you're like, oh, it's not just the chickens.

Probably not good. Yeah, the cactus is the starting to die. Oh, God. Oh, God. The vultures are dead. They're circling just to die. The lack of supplies and horrible conditions brought even more attention to the island life, and the Bacardi's stopped flowing. The Bacardi's.

And the parties began to clash, especially with the Baroness. One day, one of her lovers, Lorenz, appeared at the Whitmer's camp and told them that the Baroness regularly beat him and that he was leaving her. Apparently, her other lover, Philipson, had become her favourite of the two. Right. A Huffington Post article said that she referred to him as, and I'm not making this up, what would you refer to your lover as, Matt? You will love this. A great nickname. Boobby.

tell me. She referred him as her booby. Oh my God. Hans, booby. That's so good. You two have been saying that to each other for weeks. For weeks now. Oh, yeah.

Since the diehard report. We took back in Lutton and back in November. Hans, booby, which is a great moment in the diehard film. And I read this today when I was finishing up this report. Just an actual little fact. And I was like, that's the best part of the whole report. I bit my tongue earlier because you said there was a guy. guy called William Boob.

I'm like, William, booby. So Philipson is her booby. How's that spelled? B-U-B-I. Booby. Booby. I'm assuming that, that's how you'd spell it, right? Yeah.

It's not Bubby. No. Boobby. Boobby. So boobie is the favorite. Lorenz has left because she's beating him and not treating him well. It feels like the right call. I feel like, yeah.

I mean, you're probably not giving us the full picture, but it feels like a place you wouldn't want to be. No. No. I don't want to be there at all. You're not just giving us all the worst moments and the rest of it just playing mini golf and drinking shardons. Oh, they're having a great time.

That's my paradise. Mini golf is shardinay. I've never seen you drink chardonnay. I've probably never. Or plays minigolf. Yeah, I know. Should we go mini golfing? Yeah.

That'd be really fun. I didn't say you were invited. That's so awkward. I was looking at that. To you, Dave, it would be normal golf. Yeah. To us, it's miniature. It's a novelty thing.

I see. Do you want to come big golfing? Hold on. Is that still mini golf for you? No, it's big golf for us, so extra big golf for you. We'll put you in the holes. I love mini golf. It is so fun.

All right, you can come. Do you go bowling as well? Yes. I'm terrible at both, but I've got to have a good time. Well, that's all it matters. So anyway, Lorenz. is there complaining about boobie. Lorenz also, he also

spilled the beans about the baroness, telling the Wittmers that she was not in fact a baroness at all. What? She had been married to a Frenchman named Bosque, that's how she got her name, who she left behind in Paris. Before the war, she was a dancer and had met her husband in Constantinople, and also claims

to them that she was a spy. She sounds bat-shit crazy. She had met Lorenz... None of this is true at all. She had met Lorenz in Paris, so this bit comes from Lorenz. you know, a bit more reliable. And together with Lorenz's money, the two had set up a boutique together in Paris.

Philipson, the other lover, aka Booby, was hired as a salesman. That's how they all meant. And then they became a bit of a love triangle. Now on Floriana Island, Lorenz was the assistant to the others and was regarded as just good enough to do the house chores and tend to the livestock.

Basically, he was their slave. That's why he's cracked and left. But sadly, Friends returned to his lover each day and only came back to the Whitmers at night, crying. Aww. So he was infatuated with her. This behaviour seemed to be one of many final straws. And Hans Vitmer appealed to his neighbour, Dr. Ritter,

and said something had to be done about the Baroness. Oh. Not long after these events, in March 1934, one day, Dora heard what she thought sounded like a woman screaming. She wrote it off as her mind playing tricks. and at the time didn't think much more about it. Yeah, you would assume that you could hear someone screaming, you'd think, oh, my mind's playing tricks. The amount of times I convince myself that my mind is playing tricks.

What's that noise right now? It sounds like my voice, but I think it's my mind playing tricks. That's a trick. What fun. The following day, Heinz Whitmer didn't make his weekly visit to see Dr. Ritter, as he always did. Always checked in once a week just to make sure. I must.

Yep. Still annoying to you. Yep. All right. All right. I catch you next week. Morning doc. You still hate me?

Great. I'll just walk the hour back then. I'll just keep walking. Yeah, you better keep walking. But he didn't turn up the next day after this screen. Oh. Instead, Margaret Whitmer and Lorenz,

the ex-lover of the baroness, non-boob. He and Margaret visited the next day and told them a story that in Dora's words sounded rather rehearsed. The story was that the baroness had turned up to the witness camp looking for Lorenz and said that her and her other lover, Boobie, were going to Tahiti

with some friends that had arrived on a sailing boat and that Lorenz would stay behind and look after the camp. They were going to try and set up their hotel on Tahiti instead and sail it off into the sunset on this boat. Oh, that's great. Great. Well, that works out really well, so they've gone. So Lorenz has got the camp and...

Yeah, now we're back to... I mean, he's alone and all the neighbours are assholes. and he can't get back to civilization. But he has killed his ex-lover. No. No, she's left. Well, Dr. Ritter. Just their bodies, they propped them up in a boat.

They say, go, you can see him. They're floating away now. They're swamped on the road. They're on fire. There they go. There they go. No, it's just your mind playing tricks. They're on fire now.

That's the sun. That's the sun dancing off the waves and their faces. Look, they're waving. Dr Ritter and Dora seemed very suspicious of this story. From where they lived on the island, they would have been able to see any sailing ship that had arrived and they hadn't seen anything. Of course they would.

They're fucking desperate for ships to arrive to give them free stuff. Yeah, they want freebies. You guys got showbags on that ship? Show bags! I want a Betty Beatle. There's a rule. If someone says showbag, you got to say showbag, you got to say Betty Beddle. I don't know those go for a whiz-fizz.

I fucking love that. sure, but get it in me. Yeah. What is it? Yeah, it's like super, super refined sugar? Is that all it is? It's got to be more to it because it's got that fizz about it. That's the whiz, but what's the fizz?

All right, we know what the whiz is, sure. Well, to quote Bart Simpson, there's no sugar in pixie sticks as he hands them to Rod and Todd who go extremely hyperactive and then beat each other up. So Dr. Ritter and Dora, they're very suspicious. They thought this might be a trick. so they visited the Baroness's house to see if it was a trick, and she was indeed gone. Couldn't find her anyway.

But it appeared as though she'd left everything behind. Even her prized possession, which was a copy of Oscar Wilde's, the picture of Dorian Gray, that she carried with her everywhere, was left behind. That was her prized possession. She carried that with her everywhere. How old would it have been at the time?

About 30 years old, 40 years old. And if you're wondering about the picture of Doreen Gray and what it's all about, that I'd love you to listen to the first episode of my other podcast book cheat with guests Nick Mason and Mr. Sunday movies. Shameless. This is no good. Absolutely shameless.

When I read that there was a chance for a plug in this report, that really made me think I've got to do it. I tell you what, there better be some sort of monkey coming up. Yeah. Or I'll be furious. Or a chimp. Or a chimp, yeah. Chimp would be fine. I'll accept a chimp.

Any primate. Thank you. Well, you'll have to settle with humans. Because we're looking for a primate to pop up. in this show because Matt has a podcast about primates in popular culture. It's called primates. See, Dave, how does it feel?

When somebody just shoehorns in a shameless plug. Well, it's gross, isn't it? Absolutely not. I threw up a little bit in my mouth saying it. Yeah. I will be deleting your plug. He's good. In the worry that it takes away from my plug.

He's good. So her stuff's there, even the picture of Daring Gray, which better or worse is her prize possession. That's weird though. Like these days we don't have prize possessions. No, especially not as an adult. Good point. But like, I'm trying to think like if I saw that you'd left something behind,

I'd be like, huh, that's odd. It'd just be your phones? Yeah. I guess, but I wouldn't even be like, well, that's suss. I'd be like, oh, he's going to be annoyed. He doesn't have his phone on him. And I can't let him know because he doesn't have his phone on him. It makes it easier in a house fire.

It just goes, eh, that it would burn. Yeah. These days not many people are yelling out Oh no my copy of the picture of Dorian Gray is in that fire Even photos and stuff It's not really a worry Part of my old Maybe like your parents or grandparents' photos

Did you have any of them in there? Yeah she left it all She left it all Also rather suspiciously Lorenz, her ex-lover, immediately started selling the Baroness's supplies To the other camps claiming that he was raising money to get off the island

He was like do you want any of this stuff Do they have money? Yeah, they do have a bit of money. Why? Well, I guess so they can buy stuff from passing ships. Right. I would, yeah, I think that's fine. I mean, why don't look into it too much?

You wanted her gone. Now you can buy some stuff. Yeah. Dora also noticed that the witness was sporting a new tablecloth that she'd seen before at the Baroness's house just a few hours after she'd, quote, sailed away. What a weird bit of bounty to steal. A tablecloth.

And then to display it, come on, guys. Just wait. Why do you have tables? That's funny. The stories like this and you're like these murderers and you're like, hey guys, we all want you to get away with this murder. For some reason, I'm like, stop being an idiot here. You guys are being serious.

Use your head. Months later, the drought broke and a journalist arrived to do a story on the baroness who he was told had disappeared. He broke the story to the world and it became a bit of a mystery with foul play heavily implied. So the Baroness is back in the headlines. Probably not for the best reasons this time. No, as opposed to when she killed

and then nursed back to health a donkey. Probably didn't quite kill it, did she? No. Because that's good. That's worthy of the headlines. That's how good she is. She's saving lives. Then she's an angel.

Yeah. Lazarusifying that donkey. The journalist was on a ship that agreed to take Lorenz off the island to the largest Santa Cruz island, where it would be easier for him to get back to Europe, which he was desperate to do. As he was leaving the island, Lorenz whispered to Mrs. Whitmer,

quote, I don't know why, but I'm afraid of this trip somehow, end quote. Oh, oh boy. Lorenz made it to Santa Cruz and saw a larger boat that could take him back to Europe and he pleaded to get on it. He was told it was Friday the 13th, an unlucky day to sail,

and that the weather was also very bad. Okay. He didn't care. He was desperate to get a. home despite the risks. No. I mean, the risks being the day is superstitious and the weather's real bad. That makes more sense.

More of the consent. But for many sailors, they have lots of superstitions. I guess, yeah, and superstitions, there is that sort of, that effect of, if it's in your head and you're a sailor, you're controlling a boat and you think, oh, today's cursed and it stormy, maybe you don't make the best decisions like you would on Friday the 12th. a very good sailing day you talked to the captain into taking him and they left Santa Cruz

and no one saw them for weeks Captain Hancock our millionaire tycoon found their mummified bodies what on Marchina a tiny Galapagos island that doesn't have any fresh water

they'd been marooned and died of thirst and had become mummified in the sun in the hot sun on the beach whoa and I've seen footage of their bodies and they look really gross. Oh my God.

Yeah, so they would have had a pretty horrible death. They don't know exactly what happened, but maybe the engine had malfunctioned and that they'd been blown off course, because it was actually in the opposite direction of where they should have been going, and they washed up on this island, which there's lots and lots of islands around, but sadly they got to one that was uninhabitable, and they would have just sat there and died. Shit. That sucks.

So that's Lorenz. Lorenz is gone. So the three ways all dead now. Yeah. Well, some of them are in. Tahiti, please. Right. Yeah, they're in Tahiti with friends.

Building. Their hotel now. Yeah. Come on, Matt. But they're doing it with someone like using their limp dead arms. Yeah, it's a weekend a Bernie situation. Weekend of Bernie. So that's a very easy shorthand way to describe what I was trying to invent their whole new concept for a film.

A long weekend at Bernie. Oh, that's good. Meanwhile, back on Floriana, five months had gone past. the baroness had disappeared and the drought had broken a little too late and the crops had failed meaning that the staunch vegetarians Dr Ritter and Dora were forced to eat meat to survive

they decided to take a risk and rather than kill an animal they would eat some chickens that had already died in the drought that's a risk the couple even offered them to the Whitmer family claiming that they had boiled the poison out of the dead chicken's bodies and that they should be safe to eat

the Whitmer said thanks but no thanks Yeah, we're happy to just to eat this. What I thought you were going to say was they didn't want to kill any animals, so they just chopped a leg off. Bit by bit. Frederick Ritter only had a little of the chicken and Dora had the majority of the meat. Oh dear. I imagine using the metal teeth.

Plus Dora had been really annoying for a long time. So if you're going to both eat some poison food, yeah, give her the majority. Just a few hours later, I'll have. over. Frederick laid down and complained about feeling ill. Then he started vomiting and experiencing agonising pain. It became apparent that he was very ill and possibly dying. Dora wrote that she sat with him all night and at dawn he asked her to read Nietzsche and he asked her to remember him by one of the lines. She realized that in the doctor's own opinion he was dying so she went to get the Wittmers. And from here we have two differing accounts of what happened. Dora described what

happened as thus. By the time Dora and Margaret Whitmer got back to the doctor, his tongue was so swollen he could no longer speak. She sat with him until the next morning, when he suddenly sat up, put his arms out to her and had a look of complete peace before falling back down dead. So that's Dora's account, a peaceful death where he was reaching out to her saying goodbye. Margaret Whitmer, on the other hand, said that when they arrived at the camp, he was in excruciating pain. he grabbed a pencil and wrote out his final sentence which said quote I curse you with my dying breath and then looked up at Dora

with angry eyes he was in pain throughout the night before dying that's brutal so two accounts there very different one was like he loved me so much no Jess you don't get it that was a quirky thing they had They used to curse each other with their dying breath all the time That's how they showed their love and affection

Yeah, that's what it's like It's beautiful The witnesses were happy to point out That it was also strange that both of them, Dora and Frederick, could eat the chicken And that Dr Ritter would get ill enough to die And that Dora was fine despite eating more of the chicken Yeah

She also wondered why Dora had waited so long to get help Maybe they could have saved Dr Ritter with earlier interventions She thought. What are you going to do, Margaret? Hey, couldn't even have a baby by yourself. Now you're the doctor, are you? Come on, Mara.

Unbelievable. It is a funny sort of thing, like going, why didn't you leave him, why didn't you leave him earlier by himself when you thought, before you realized things were dire? That doesn't make any sense, right? Yeah. Leave him alone and go find two people who aren't doctors. Yeah, what are they going to do?

Hey, you're really good in the garden, right? Well, my husband's dying. Huh? Could you maybe weed him or something? Yeah, weed him. So now we both basically have two women, both accusing the other of murdering one of the members of the island. Because Dora's heavily implying that the witness had something to do,

or at least knew what Lorenz did to the Baroness and her lover, and that now the witness are saying, Dora, it's a bit suss that your husband died and that you're fine. Yeah. If you brought us around earlier, we would have chucked some mulch around. him. We reckon we've got to got him back to good health. I would have watered him. Yeah,

watered him. A bit of manure. Some blood and bone. Blood and bones. Yeah. That would help. That helps. Let me just say that also, the baroness and booby. Bupi. Never appeared in Tahiti and were never heard from again. They're 100% shot and buried somewhere on that island. Possibly.

No, definitely. Flooded out to sea? Or maybe, yeah. Oh, yeah. For some reason, I was thinking I'd, bury them. But you're right. Put that to the ocean. There's apparently a type of wood on the island that's easy to get, that it burns hot enough to burn a human corpse, people have said. Wow.

So they could have completely disposed of the body. That is very convenient. Someone who was definitely buried on the island is Frederick Ritter, the doctor. So he was buried by the Wittmers. And after this, Dora decided to head back to Germany. She'd lived on the island for about five years at this point. She's got no teeth. No teeth.

She's back to Germany with their metal chompers. But does she have, so that whatever leftover money they have, she's got enough to get back? Enough to, so she went home, yes, enough money to get home. She go back to her husband? That'd be fucked. Hey, Bobby. Honey, I'm high.

His name probably is Hans. Hans, Booby. It would have been, I can only imagine the relief to get back home after five years living like that. Horrible. This left the Whitmers as the sole inhabitant. of the island. You sound like they were also the only ones who were handling it particularly well. Although, I mean, the Ritter's lasted five years.

It's pretty good, but mostly on the handout. Just a post-cript as to what to happen after this crazy period in their lives, this is just the end of the report here, after Dora left an article written by Dr. Ritter before he died, accusing the Wittmers of having something to do with the Baroness's disappearance was published, and this meant that the witness hated Dr. Ritter and Dora forever after that. Right. So if there was any chance of them,

obviously they're now living in different sides of the world, but if there was any chance of them ever patching things up, that article was published accusing them of being murderous, and that sort of ruined all that. Right. Dora tried hard to publish her partner Dr. Ritter's philosophical writings. We've written all these philosophies down, but failed. She did publish her own account of her time on the island in 1935

in a book called Satan Came to Eden. Oh, okay. That's a great title. Which is the subtitle of the, documentary I watch which I would suggest the Galapicus affair, Satan came to Eden, which is a great title. She died in Berlin. This is Dora in 1943 from complications from her multiple sclerosis.

Ah, right. I forgot she had MS. Yeah. I mean, it's hard enough to live with proper medical care over many years. So she did extremely well to live in the middle of nowhere five years. Well, it was just all about her attitude, wasn't it? Correct, Jess. Yeah.

Her magical attitude fixes everything. Margaret Vitmer published her own book about the island in 1959 so they had competing books that basically implied the other one was a murderer and thereafter refused to speak again about those events put in writing I don't want to talk about it ever again 59 so that's a long time after yeah so she stood on it for a while she lived on the island until 2000 when she died at the age of 95

what can you believe that that those kind of conditions and she lived on 95 just sounds like yeah they were all over What about her kids? Harry, the older one, sadly he died in a boating accident in the 1950s. He browned. But then Rolf started a successful boating company. That was the baby that was born after 72 hours. The Wittmers as a family built a hotel for tourists on the island and their descendants still run it today.

What? As of a couple of years ago, Rolf was still alive. And today the island has a population of about 100. So you can go to Floriana Island. What the fuck? And visit the family. That's wild. She lives in 95.

I know, living on a deserted island. What a legend. Incredible constitution. And so what about her husband? Oh, he just lived on, I don't know. Nothing noteworthy. Yeah, I can't tell you what year he died. Right, okay, yeah.

But they stayed together on the island. Yeah, yeah. They stayed there. Together as a family and just made a goal there. For some reason, I was assuming they would have left at some point. No, but they, no, they're still there. Whoa. That's cool.

I did not know that. Yeah, so that's the story of, I guess, the Baroness of Floriana. If you went there, would it be all German-speaking stuff and stuff? I saw an interview with Rolf and he was speaking Spanish, I believe, in the thing. But I imagine he probably speaks German as well. Yeah. Wow. I did not expect that end.

Wow. So the Baroness is definitely dead, either burnt or buried or out to sea. She's 100% dead, I'm sure. Well, definitely now. I was going to ask what your thing happened. Yeah, no, I think. And do you think that Dr. Ritter was poisoned or it was just the chicken? It was just an unfortunate thing.

Yeah, it doesn't know. It's hard, right? She was trying to publish his works, which makes it seem like she didn't fully hate him, but I guess. Yeah, I reckon it was just chicken, bad chicken. I mean, we do. We're now experts on the topic, so we should have a pretty strong term opinion on this. Definitely the chicken. She just had the right bacteria.

in her gut. Yeah, he didn't have the enzymes to break up the meat from not eating meat for such a long time. That sounds medical. Let's go with that. Sounds really good. But what an absolutely crazy story. An amazing story. Well done, Dave.

Thank you. And a part tour, a part tour to the other crazy story of the Essex, which if you haven't read, haven't read, if you haven't heard me talk about a few weeks ago, that was also a wild story about, vaguely around this island. Can you, yeah, can you just? quickly explained to me the connection again. Oh, so the Essex was a hunting, a whale hunting ship from Nantucket in America, and it went to the middle of the ocean to get some whales.

Yeah. They were all extinct in it, pretty much every other part of the world at that point. They had to go to the middle of nowhere. And on the way there, they stopped at Floriana Island. Right. Collected all those turtles or tortoises. But this is before. Yeah, 100 years earlier, they were the ones.

That was the island that they'd set fire to. Right. And that it all regrown over 100 years. Wow. Yeah, but when they left, it was like a blackened husk. Right. That's amazing. Yeah.

I love how. So that island has two crazy, crazy, like, in a way, survival stories attached to it. I love how an island like that will just regenerate itself somehow. Yeah, because it's a volcanic island, so imagine it's got good soil. Right. You know that as a very good doctor. Doctor of volcanoes. Yeah, gardener, sorry.

But that does bring us to the end of the report, and it is time as always to give thanks to a few people that support us on Patreon. If you want to be one of those people, one of the great people in the world, you can go to patreon.com slash do go on pod and in exchange for a bit of a donation every single month. You can get bonus stuff like two bonus episodes

that no one else hears, which we've been putting out and having a lot of fun making over the last couple of years. A lot of those up there to check out. And you can get tickets in advance to live. shows, shoutouts on episodes, which we'll get to in a minute. But before that, Matt has a segment that he likes to call the fact quota question. I should say, Dev, fantastic report. What a fascinating story.

Fantastic. Thank you so much. Gratzy. Gratzy. Probably go. Bonus reports last month, I reckon two of our best bonus episodes for Patreon, including Jessus report, which I think maybe is one of the funniest episodes we've ever done. And it's a bonus episode about the Battle of the Sexes.

And we also did the Patreon Awards where we awarded a few different awards, including best episode, best report, give a best guest. It was a good fun time. We all got on our buddy monkey suits. Monkey suits, that makes me think of another podcast, Prime Man, you should check it out, a very funny show. We should say that the Battle of the Sexes episode that we did put out that bonus episode, it was so fun and silly because we were,

We were recording it live in Birmingham at the Glee Club. And at the last minute, the tech had been a bit, you know, their audio stuff had been a bit dodgy. So it looked a bit like we weren't going to be able to put it out. So we kind of said back to, I was a bit bummed. I was like, sorry guys, couldn't get the recording working out. And we decided, well, if no one's going to hear it, let's just go out and have fun and have the silliest show we've ever done, which we certainly did. And we said many times in the episode, well, this isn't going out so we can say whatever we like.

And then we were able to give the audio to our good friend, Evan Monroe Smith from Gamey, gamey, game, who made it sound great. Yeah. He rescued it. And we thought, you know, we'll put it out for the Patreon people. They can be trusted enough to hear the ridiculous things that we were saying. So, stupid. Good, stupid.

Yeah, go. If you sign up to Patreon, though, that episode is still up there to check out. And, yeah, I'd remember laughing so hard during the recording. Probably never laughed as much as that. Anyway, it's now time for the Patreon segment, which is called fact, quote, question and Jess normally does a little jingle. Fat quote or question. Oh, intense.

We need your attention. This week, second time fact quote or questioner because there's not that many people in this section of the Patreon you are more likely to get come around again. This time it is Christopher Sheiky, aka Freaky Sheiky. I love it. Freaky Shiki. Freaky Shiki in the house. and he has asked a question. So is that the title he's gone for?

They give themselves the title. Yeah, that's right. They give himself the title. Last time he said something real weird. And he called himself the lady killer or something like that. Oh, yeah. And it said it was like, oh, hang on, now I've said that out loud. Oh, right.

Yeah. Well, was he the lady killer, lady stalker or something? Lady killer. Lady killer. Like, so are you killing women? Or are you like, you picking up the lady? because both are great. One's worse.

Hey, you know what? Freaky Shiki, I love it. Let's go with that. Freaky Shiki is very good. He did clarify maybe privately that it was because he does very well with the ladies. No, wait. Let's go with Freaky Shiki. Fricky Shiki is one of my favorites.

Freaky Shiki is so good. He says, when I was younger, I always wanted to be a paleontologist after watching Jurassic Park. My question for you guys is, when you were younger, what did you want to be when you grew up? Oh, hello fellow nerd. I wanted to be an archaeologist. Because of... The mummy. Brendan Fraser.

I knew it. Yeah, I wanted to be an archaeologist, loved all that kind of stuff. For a while there, I tried to teach myself the alphabet in Egyptian hieroglyphics. Wow. You would. I know, I got my mum to get a library book out, practiced it. So that's hard, you know, like, oh, two fans. That's a D.

Bird doing a dance. It's an A. Bird standing still. Standing still is a B. And those two are hard to tell because it is, you know, a still picture. Yeah. Is that bird moving? There's no moving lines.

No sting lines. Guy holding spear. F. Archaeologist. That's great. Yes. I thought, but they still have, they still do discover fun stuff, but a lot of it has been discovered, I must say. Well, Matt, back in your day.

What would you have liked to have been? Well, I went through a bunch of different stages. I remember at some point wanted to be an architect because I like drawing and someone's like, and back then in the 90s people weren't like talking to kids. They wouldn't be as adventurous as say, yeah, well, you should be an artist. They'd be like, drawing, okay.

Well, how can you make that boring? But I've still got this. I love to paint. Okay. How can we destroy that? You considered being a nurse. I, a similar thing, we had a project in year seven where we had to say what we wanted to be and I gave myself three options.

One was a nurse. One was play basketball for Australia and I think third was an actor. So. Okay. So let's go through them. Are you a nurse? No. Have you played basketball for Australia?

Not for the Opels. I've played unisoned. Australia. And it means anything to you. Acting work, you've done some. Oh, true. Yeah. I was thinking more Hollywood kind of stuff, but.

Hey, you've got to work your way up. Yeah. We did a, at Stupido, we did an educational type video last month and just did a little cameo in it. And into the script. Oh, an acting cameo? An acting cameo. Fantastic word. Thank you so much.

She played a professional, business professional. Yeah, I played a businesswoman. Wow. I mean, I find that hard to believe. Why? If a script says businesswoman, You hired Jess Perkins. That means that you must have really pulled it off, created the character.

I acted, yes. Love it. We also rode into it because I'd scripted edited and I'd changed, I added in this little flashback to, it was going to be. Questions always asked is what do you want to be when you grow up. So it's sort of appropriate here. But, and they said it's been asked since the Industrial Revolution. So I did a flashback to then as an old guy asking a kid, what do you want to be when you grow up? And I go, rat catcher.

That ended up burning the video. That's made it. I think we've all achieved our dreams there. That brings us to our other favourite patron segment of the show. Dave, this is where we go through and thank a few of our other patrons. That's right. We like to thank the people in the order that they signed up as best we can. So if you have been hanging out, I'm sure you're coming up very soon.

We appreciate every single person that every week it's a tribute to all of our patrons this section. We just name six of them. That's true. Six? Yeah, six. That's right. Let's do six. Okay.

Well. And Jess, we should say, what usually comes up with a game based on the topic. Could they be baronesses, empresses? Yeah, yeah. Let's give them some kind of title. Great. A royalish title. A royalish.

Well, let me kick it off from Wellington in New Zealand. The Windy City, beautiful city. I think it's one of my favorite cities that have been to. Mitchell Botting Botting Oh, Captain Botting Oh, I wanted to say Colonel Oh, what about Colonel slash Captain?

Captain Colonel Bodding That's great Captain Colonel Captain Colonel From Wellington Love that Thank you for your service Captain Colonel

We salute you sir We do salute you And New Zealand Hey, it's on the dream list It is For the live shows I'm going there in just about a month Ooh

You're going to Wellington Not going to Wellington Are you going to suss it out us? Going to the South Island. You want to suss it out for us? Yes. For tax reasons, you should say, yes.

Yes, I am. It is a business trip. I'm taking my business associate. Oh, Matt. Are we going? Awesome. No, my other business associate. Oh, I'm going.

Oh, my God, no. Neither of you are coming. Thanks so much, Mitchell, your bloody legend. I'd also have to thank from Melbourne a little closer to home here in Melbourne, Georgia Robinson. And here's to you, Georgia Robinson. So you're going to say Mrs. Robinson and her title is going to be Mrs. Robinson.

No, and I bet she gets Mrs. Robinson a lot. Sorry, Georgia. Or you get Ray Charles Georgia, both of those. Great songs, but probably annoying if that's your name. What kind of title are you feeling for Georgia? Grand old Duke. Oh, I like that a lot. Love that. Grand old Duke, Georgia Robinson.

For short, God. Yeah. Yep. Oh, that took me a sec to get. God. That's, I mean, it's hard to top that as a title, Georgia. So hopefully you're happy with that. With that.

Thank you, Georgia. A little blaspheming for your commute. May I thank some people? Please. I'm so glad you volunteered. Because I would like to thank from Norway. Wow. You said it like a question.

Yeah. You know more than us. I'm asking if that's Norway. What is? Are you pointing to a map? No. It is Norway. Norway, told you.

And I'm definitely going to get this wrong. It's a bit negative Norway, if I'm being honest. Yeah. Let me ask you a question though, Jess. Norway's a big country. Whereabouts in Norway are we talking? Finmark. Oh, beautiful.

Beautiful negative word. Fantastic. But to be even more specific. Fuck you. Por Sangmon. Porsangmone, which I'm looking up on Google Maps. It looks like it's a... It's got a military base there.

Okay, well, this could work into the title. Oh, that's true. Good, yeah. I'd like to thank, and I know I'm definitely going to say this wrong, and I'm sorry. Asmund Nordhagen. Oh, that's a beautiful name. And a beautiful name befitting of a beautiful title. Brigadier Major.

Brigadier. Can I just, I just want to show you on a map where this is, because it is so far north in Norway. So there's Norway. Oh, wow. That's where it is. I would go out on a limb to say this is one of, if not, our most northerly listener. That's amazing. Petron supporter.

Thank you so much. Right near the top. Oh, you'd be seeing beautiful northern. Brigadier. Can we come visit? Oh, I love that. That's amazing. So thank you so much.

Imagine it's very dark this time of year. Brigadier. And I'd also like to thank from Colorado. Come on, Dave. What is that co? Right, yeah. You've just got the last one right. True.

I am great at this. Come on, Dave. Let me get all of them right. That's Colorado, I reckon. Okay, Google. What does CO stand for in US states? Here's a summary from CC Marketing Online. CO is a term that you hear about soon after you start looking for ways to get more traffic to your website. COO is an acronym that refers to search engine optimization.

As the term clearly states, it refers to the text. practice of optimizing or improving your website. As it clearly states. Patronizing much Siri or whatever the Google version is called. Google. Oh. I have looked at it. Thornton is a suburb north of Denver, Colorado, home of a fantastic league.

The Nuggets. And a terrible, scary horse. Oh, Rocky Mountain High. And it's also the home. The horse of the airport, damn it. Lucifer. Lucifer. It's also the home of Dominic.

Webster Dominic Webster Dominic Webster Great name Dominic Webster What about Air Marshal? Ooh

Maybe works at that secret underground airport Yeah, I like that And I like All of these ones

Much like the Baroness are all fake It's them coming This is them dreaming big Air Marshal Yeah, that's right I was born

into a fancy family Yeah We were like Yeah, let's go for something fun an exotic like baroness. Okay, these next two, we're going to go big.

I like air marshal. What is there? Air Marshal is something important. Yeah, it's a Marshal of the Air. It's a Marshal of the Air. It's the second highest active rank of the Royal Australian Air Force. Oh, that is pretty good. There you go.

Pretty bloody good. Marshal of the Air. More like Marshal of the Year. Just trying to say the same things as you now. I appreciate it. I would like to thank you, I may. I'm a Werribee here in Victoria. Emeline Oxowski.

Oxowski. Emeline Oxowski. Thank you so much for your support. And I would like to say one of my favorite ranks of all time is, of course, the dreaded rear admiral. Ah. Why are they dreaded? It's a Simpsons reference. Sorry, that I'm just put in there.

Just a rear admiral, Emmeline Oxowski. Is that because Werribee is kind of famous for being a sewage treatment? plant. No, I just really wanted to call someone a rear admiral. It's also got, it's home to a great wildlife park. Oh, open range zoo. Yeah. I've been there.

Had a great time. And a mansion. Yeah. Elm John played there. What? Yeah. Cool. Yeah.

Emily, and I hope you did not miss your chance to hang out. Benet! Where'd be sick. It's funny because I, like, I wouldn't have gone there growing up. And the only thing I knew about it was like the joke. about it being a stinky place, but did not, I'm guessing they've fixed up whatever issues that is. Wow, are you appreciating this? Thanks. Hey, come from a stinky sob. But hey, it's not so stinky now. Hey, you fixed up your stinky issues. So sorry. I love it. It's a great spot. Love the

West. West is best. Well, I mean, the Ephlonese is of course the best, but there you go. I would like to thank. The affluent east and the effluent West. Elephant West Do they have elephants Where are you said? Did you say that recently? Yeah Yeah

Yeah That's one of my new bits And didn't you say immediately afterwards I think I stole that from Catherine Kim They definitely had They say In Catherine Kim I think there was a running gag

But they say effluent When they meant affluent Right right right All right All right just to bring us home now I would like to thank From Erskine in Great Britain I would like to thank

Yusuf Shavad. Oh my goodness. Or Yusuf Havad. You're giving me chills. They're multiplying. Oh. Now, what are we going to call? Yusuf Javad.

The Megamix? Is that a title you can have? Where'd that come from? Greece. DJ Megamix? Greece Megamix? You guys not familiar? It's a big hit.

You guys don't know the Greece mechamix? When were you born? You know when we were born. We tell you constantly. Say it. I message you every two days. I know you do say sometimes, you're like, how would I have heard of it?

I wasn't even born yet. Like you've never heard of things from before the 90s. Yeah, that's true. So you don't know the film Greece. What's that? Wow. What year was that? What year did that come out?

I think in the 80s? Oh, no idea then. Well, the 70s? I was born in 1990 and that's when time began. Right. To me. Wow. That's cool, man.

That's when the world began. We still have not given a title to Yusuf Havad. Well, Matt is it, said Megamix. Oh, we're going with that. What about Mix Master? Yeah, MC. Yes, Mix Master, M.C. Usov Havad. That's cool.

MC Mixed Master, I reckon. Put MC first. I like it. MC Mixed Master Havad. Holy shit, I'd go to that party. Please. Is he DJing at Wereby? No, no, he's not DJing.

He's just going to be at it. He's a great host. Yeah, he's a great host. He is. The Werribee Mansion. It puts a good array out. out of chips and dips. Yeah.

Nice selection of cheeses. You're a spicy North African, please. And you love cheese, Dave. I love cheese. All sorts. We're going to that party. I'll eat them all. Okay.

Move over. Get out of the way. Okay. You're between me and the table of cheese. You're a hard man or a soft man, Dave? Oh, right down the middle. Yeah. Take a bit of both.

I would have picked that, yeah. I would have picked that for sure that he was somewhere down the middle. Yeah. Fence sitter. I'm hard all the way. Right. Noted. But that does bring us to the end of the episode.

Thanks to all the supporters of Patreon. And to everyone that listen to the show, you make our world. And of course, as we sometimes say here, to remind you that if you want to suggest a topic, you don't have to be a Patreon supporter. You can do that at any time. Do go on pod.com. For those who are on Patreon, we've also got the Facebook group on there. So make sure when you sign up to add yourself into the Facebook group,

which you'll find links amongst the posts. on there and you can get in contact with us if you want to at to go on pod on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, at Gmail if you want to get on the email. If you can and if you got the time, it would be so cool for you to give us a five-star review. Drop us a line there. Five stars would be ideal if you can. And also, if you want to just recommend us to a friend, that would be a real cool thing. We say that every now and then and we know some of our coolest fans that we've chatted

to a bunch, got into the show because they were recommended to it from a friend or a family member. They even like download the app for people who don't understand podcasting and subscribe. To us, we genuinely met some live shows people who had to have a podcast app put on their phone for them. And then they end up coming to the show. So nice. Anyway, that's something you could do if you want to. If you don't want to do it, I mean, we don't have to keep chatting about it. Matt.

Just take a big deep breath. It's okay. I know you get fired up. You did great. You did so well there. Very proud of you. I just became self-conscious, I'd been talking for so long.

Yeah, we let you go. Yeah, I couldn't remember a time when you weren't talking. It does make you uncomfortable. Yeah. That's okay. You did great. No, but it is true.

The more people you tell about the show, the bigger and better it can get, and the more time we can spend on it. So thanks to everyone that does that. But that does bring us to the end. Yeah, drop us a line. Say hi. It's always nice to hear from you.

But until next week, I'll say thanks for listening, and I'll say goodbye. Bye. I regretted that as soon as I started. Really went for it. Sorry. I thought it was nice. Hello, everybody. My name is Dave. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

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