Do Go On - 18 - Tattoos

Episode Date: February 24, 2016

What are tattoos etc? Find out on this week's episode!Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] the show and get rewards like bonus episodes:www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPod  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serengy Amarna 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there. Canada, we are visiting you in September this year.

If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. Oh, and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. You are listening to My Voice. I am Dave Warnocky and I'm here with Jess Perkins. Hello, Jess.

Hello, Dave. How are you? I am well. I'm hoping you are well and I'm also hoping that someone there's well is you across the road. I was going to say across the road from me. I am. I am. The microphone leads are these days.

It's Matt Stewart, everyone. Hey, Dave. It's good to be out at this outside broadcast across the road. at the meat packing plant. You're on location at the meat packing plant. What can you see? A lot of... Pigs.

A lot of pigs. We actually don't get along very well here. It do go on. So now that we've got the budget for it, we actually record this from three separate locations. I'm into state. In the United States. I'm in Utah. Utah.

Wow. Oh, it just kicked him out underneath the table. I didn't mind it at one bit. Just to prove that you were still there. And kind of ruining your whole across the road, interstate, in the states thing. Oh, I've ruined everything. But um... Ah, should we start again?

No, I think it's totally cool. All right. You only live one. I mean, yeah, we were also recording onto old school tape, so there's only a certain amount of... Hey, Dave, is it... When you, you, you, uh, introduced Jess first, which is, which is fine. I mean, where, what are we... Quite a few episodes in, that's the first time we've done it, which seems a bit weird, but that's okay.

I'm fine with that, that you normally go to me first. Well, I'll just say the next 100 episodes, I'll have Jess on just to really get the average for you. But Jess noticed because we are that's just clockwise. You've done it clockwise.

Yeah, but we're sitting in a different order today. Yeah, that's honestly why. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. But he said to you hope you well and just kept moving on didn't even, he just, he hoped it. Didn't even,

he didn't want to hear it if you had any issues. Oh, I noticed that. Yeah, and thank you for also picking up on that. You know what I'm going to say here, Matt,

if I had, rude. Paused to ask how just was, you would have chimed in and said, How about me, guys? Yeah, you totally wouldn't.

Because I know you very well. Not true. Not true. Way off the mark. Well, Matt, I'm going to... A little bit offended. I'm just going to stop you there and ask how you are, Jess. I'm really well, yes.

Hey, what about... Yeah. Is that what you thought was going to... As if I would have done that. I'm very curious to find out if Jess is all right. She doesn't talk to me anymore. Ever since you've moved across the road... Because you keep interrupting me.

Jess, I'm going to hold you up right there. Anyway, Dave, what I was saying was... Please, do go on. Yeah, Jess does... She doesn't... You know, she used to really open up and tell me about, you know, Jess. She doesn't do that anymore. She doesn't...

I don't know, like... It's all persona now. Yeah, it is. It's like she's become a caricature of herself. And I just want to... You're shouting her many catchphrases such as... Whoa! That cracked.

That peaked. some crack on top there. I'm sorry. That's one of your catchphrases, is it? I panicked. What a, you know, if you panic, what a funny way to panic. Dave keeps having to adjust his headpoints because I'm laughing to them.

Like, Jess is in a really critical situation. She's like, quick Jess, I need you to hand me that blood. I need, I need to be, I need that blood to save Matt's life. She just throws it against a brick wall and it splatters. Oh, panic. Quick, Jess, stop the car. It's on fire. Drives it off a cliff.

What a weird panic. How does it go again? Because if you do a catchphrase, you need to be able to repeat it. It's one of the key. Yeah, that's part of how it becomes a catch frame, not just a phrase, but a catch. That's one of the catchers of the phrase. You know how people have said, like, um, okay, Jess is life. laugh is nice to listen to because it makes you laugh.

That was just obnoxious. Those last three minutes of laugh, that was worse than a two and a half men episode. Okay. I'm all right. I've all that's a half men. Yeah, I know, man, I'm burning all the big guns. Who are you taking down there? Ashton Coochard?

Cop that, Ashton. Charlie Sheen. Oh, I'll take him both at once. Wow. I'd take down Charlie Sheen. Ashton Coochard, he's all right. All right. He's all right.

Punked wasn't great, but he's made some other solid choice. Dude where's my car. Great film. I haven't seen it, but I assume it's good. What else is he done? Steve Jobs biopic. One of the Steve Jobs. One of the Steve's Jobs.

Was that one just called Jobs? Or Steve. No, there's one that's coming out. It's called Steve Jobs. Just to really... Are there three or two? I don't know. Anyway.

The other one's... What else is Ashender? Yeah, that's the one I'm thinking of. Yeah. And the other one, I believe, is just called Steve Jobs. Steve Jobs. A life and it's just... like a documentary with Steve Jobs as Steve Jobs.

Yes. I've heard that one's really good. Was that what you're talking about? What were we talking about? Oh, okay. So we normally start with a question. So, well, I'll just say, Matt, it's your turn to do a report on a topic. We start with a question.

Please. Yeah, and like I said last week, I was going to, I put all the listener suggestions into a hat. And we've still had more come on in. So if you would like to suggest future episodes, please do get in touch. But Matt, what? Yeah, Dave read out. some fresh ones just before we start recording. They're good.

Can't wait to put them in the hat. But this is the first one that you're... Whoa! So this is actually going to be... This is going to be the first one from the hat. From the hat, yeah. So I... I thought I...

You never know what you're going to get out of the hat. I mean, you do because you've put them in the hat for... You know what your options are. Yeah, you know, sure. It's been going to be a total surprise, is it? But it's not like these ones aren't, it's been different from the other ones I've chosen because I've gone. I've looked at a topic, thought it was a good idea, looked into it and been like, I don't know if I can get enough out of this. Oh, so you had to go to the hat several times.

No, no, I went to the hat just the once. Oh. But, you know, maybe I wouldn't, you know, it's just an interesting thing. It's out of your hands. It's in the hat's hands. The hands of the hat. All right, anyway. So the question, what does Dave have a bigish one of?

I've got a very small one and Jess doesn't have it all. That's what I say to that. I have a bigish one. You've got a bigish one? I've got a smallish one and Jess doesn't have one at all. I don't think. I've never seen... Wow.

Did you realize how open this question is? Yeah. Oh, good. Oh, he's aware. Because the way you're playing it is very under the table. Like, what do you mean you could take this that way? Whoa. Oh, hang on, what do you mean?

What way? Penis. Oh, hang on. Yeah, it's about penises. Oh, hooray! Um, oh, this is like a riddle, and I'm not good at riddles. It's not a riddle. It's not a riddle.

It's not a penis. No, it's not penis. As if you did the report on a... I don't know. History of penises. Well, you know, our listeners may have suggested that. Exactly. The hat shows penises.

I really hope we get a tweet suggesting penises now. We definitely will never you ask for the tweet. Hashtag hot for the tweet. P penis suggestion. No, that's way less catchy. Give it, you know how to make it a hashtag catchy, Jess? Hashtag, keen for pain. Keene for pain, very good, real good.

Jeez, that was good. You're like the hashtag gal. Oh man, that was really good. Hashtag hashtag girl. It's not pain. Hashtag gal. Wow. It's really filling up, there's not much left for the actual messages.

Yeah, there's three hashtags in there. So it genuinely is I've got a big one, you have a small one. Is it face? No, Jess has a face. Maybe yours isn't that big. Jess has a face. Maybe yours isn't as big as... I mean, it's all relative.

I think you've probably got a mid-sized one. Are we... Which one of us is going to be most offended by the answer here? No one will be offended. It's not offensive. Oh. Come on, Jess, I've had a guess and I fucked it. You have a go and fuck it.

I don't... Well, I mean, it's possible that I don't realize Jess has one. Now I'm so confused. Birth mark, belly button. So it's close to a birthmark, but you've kind of put it on yourself. Tattoos. Yes. Oh, tattoos.

Is that right? Do you have? I don't have one, no. And we can see Dave's dangling out his sleeve. So I've got a, I've only got the one. It's on my left bicep. Do you want to explain, Matt, do you want to explain to the listeners while we're laughing at that? Yeah, I guess so.

Before the show started, what did you tell us? Well, doing this report, I wrote, one of the last lines I wrote was about people having tattoos on their biceps. And I spelled it with a T, biceps. And the little squiggly red line came up underneath. I'm like, well, there's an error here. Come on. My computer's crashing here. I don't think it's on me.

What's the deal? So I googled. I'm like, do American spell bicep different? But apparently, yeah, bicep is, there's no tea in bicept. No, there isn't. And it's also a silent tea as well. I don't think you pronounce it either. It's just bicep.

Bicep. Sounds so wrong. No, it doesn't. Quite a few years I've been talking the English language. Quite a few. Quite a few. 30 plus. That is a little embarrassing.

Well, this is a bit embarrassing. I would argue, back to your tattoos, I would argue that yours is bigger than Dave's. Oh, so I'll just explain mine. So on my left arm, I have... Oh, his is more complete. Oh, I'm finished. On my bicep, I have a complete. It's a zebra, but instead of stripes, it has a keyboard in the middle,

and his name is George. And he's got a very cute little face. I've never asked you about it. Is that self-designed? No, it is not a self-designed. It's actually some artwork from the band, the Postal Service. Oh. I know then.

That's the guy from... Yeah, Ben Gibber, the singer from Death Cab for Cudies. Oh, he's a bit cute. And, um... I was looking into them fairly recently. They've got one album, I think. Yes, called Give Up. And the big song was called From Great Hearts or something like that?

Such Great Hearts is that. And they used that. They must have made good money because it's in a lot of commercials, that jingle. And there's a lot of covers of it as well. But it's slightly different. I sort of adjusted, but that's where I got the idea to have a keyboard on a zebra. And it made me laugh. And seven years later, I got it just after I turned 18.

It still makes me laugh. I got tattooed by a... I mean, it's a keyboard zebra. It's hilarious. It got tattooed by a very hairy, like, biker-looking dude. Great. And then he, I don't know if you get a tattoo, if you go through this. They have to shave the skin, even though I don't seem to have much hair there.

And as he was shaving it, I said, I've never been shaved by a man before. What a weird thing to say. I was nervous making conversation. 18. It was already funny. He was very weirded out by that statement. Oh, right. And I'm like, oh, I've never been shaved by a woman either.

Yeah, that's a. I would have thought I've never been shaved by a person before. Or I've never had my bicept shaved before. And he would have corrected me with the King's English. How about you, Matt, your tattoo? So, yeah, mine's quite probably, I reckon around 10 years old, I started it. And it's just, it's basically some flames on my leg. But, and it's led to so many funny interactions with people in the summertime.

I bet. Watch out, mate. Legs on fire. Very good. Oh, wow. That happens a lot. But anyway, it's, you know, I was asking for that, really. Yeah.

But why did you get in, what was the motivation behind it? Just to be a fucking big dog on campus. Nailed it. No, I hardly remember. Apparently, there's quite a reasonable percentage of people have tattoo regret. I have no regret. I mean, no, I... Happy to be that guy on the beach that people tell he's on fire all the time?

Happy for that? Yeah, it doesn't. I mean, it's very rare that I'm wearing shorts anyway. But it's, uh, yeah, I... But is that the reason you don't wear shorts so people don't say, mate, your legs on fire? It's not something I really think about all that much, Dave. And now that I am, you're sort of opening up an old wound.

Yeah, I'm sorry. This is what a tattoo is. It is, it is an open wound when it gets done, you know that? You would know that? No, please tell us all about tattoos. I'm really... I wonder, though, if... Because I'm planning on getting one, so this is exciting because this is like...

This episode will be pre-Jess having a tattoo, and then there will be a point in time when all three of us have a tattoo. So that's exciting. But I wonder if this will determine me. I'm going to get mine removed just to best with that. Fair. And I still only claim half a tattoo because it is incomplete. I once got a bonus for work when I used to work in a sales job selling air conditioning.

And I made a tag. And my boss said, or what do you want it for a bonus? I'm like, be great to be. to finish this fucking tattoo. So he gave me some money, cash money to finish it, and that just got spent on groceries or something. Something fun.

Yeah. Oh, boy. A couple of bags of oats. Some milk. Oh, boy. Did you have to come to work the next week and then be like, nah, didn't finish it?

Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I was wearing pants. He'd never know. He would never know. I suppose he would. I'll take that shit to McGraib. Are you still wanting to get it finished? Luckily, he doesn't listen to this.

Oh, yeah, I am planning to get it finished. And I talk about all the time. I actually was booked in about six months ago, so I just had to cancel. So what is the finish design? It's going to, just more colour and some more. So, like, there's an outline that hasn't been filled in one layer of flame. Anyway, this is so tedious. No, it's, I mean, for me, answering your questions.

I mean, I'm thinking for the listeners. Can I just ask you a question? mate did you know your legs on fire? Yes! No, that is not on. It's not on. But please tell us about tattoos. I'm very interested here.

We'll see by the end if I actually will get it done. Just might be put off. Yeah, I mean, it's funny because I'd never really thought about, because I'm aware that, you know, skin's always breaking down. You're losing layers of skin all the time and it's always regrowing. So I never really thought about why do tattoos remain if your skin is always, why doesn't the colour leave? And that's because what a tattoo is,

is you're sort of puncturing through the epidermis, the outer layer of skin, and pushing the color into the dermis, which is the middle layer, the deeper layer. And that's like a much more stable, the cells in the dermis are way more stable. So that if you've injected color into that, it's going to remain there pretty much forever.

Does that put you up? That's what it is. It's funny because it doesn't, you, I mean, you don't need to know that. I didn't know that when I was getting done. It just feels like... I think the less you know better, probably. Yeah, I reckon that with most medical things. Yeah, big time.

Any sort of operations and stuff, I'm always like, don't need to know. As long as you know what you're doing, I don't give a fuck if I know what I'm doing or not. I like to know. There are a lot of people do need to know as well. But having said that, I didn't research and stuff. Like that whole episode about death, I didn't know what... You didn't need to know about... Happened to my ass after I died.

But I didn't know about... the dermis factor that you just brought up, I actually don't really know how it works. Yeah. Yeah, well, that's, that's, basically that's what it is. It's, it's, it's cutting through the skin. And these days it's with, I mean, it's always been some sort of a needle,

but now it's with it, like, a little machine or a tattoo gun, and it's just gone, like, it can be thousands a minute. D, the, da, da, da, da. Every time I said, duh, that's, like, the needle going in the skin. And then, um, there's a tube sort of just pushing ink in the skin. into there as well. Wow. Into there,

into the wound. And then obviously you want it to heal over. There's, during the healing process where things can go wrong and get blurry and stuff if you let it. You don't want to go into a bath, apparently,

or a hot spa or swimming until it's healed over. You don't want it to get direct sunlight. Yeah, they're told you to say out of the sun, don't they, yeah. So, sometimes you see people with blurry tattoos. That can happen apparently

from letting the water soak in it and stuff because it's still affecting, like if the wounds still, open and that ink can still be messed with. Apparently, I mean, I haven't looked into all that stuff too much. Mainly for your own sanity. Yeah. The tattoo machine was invented by a American guy called Samuel O'Reilly in the late 1800s.

He'd modified an invention by Thomas Edison, who had invented an electric pen, and he modified that to make the tattoo machine. He just made it more stabby. Yeah. rather than manually. So it used to be, and a lot of cultures, they still do it manually where you'll be, you know, puncturing the skin

and adding the colour, then puncturing the skin, like, a much slower. And they're like tapping, tapping things instead of just, yeah, that way more hardcore. Because it's, I was interested to find out that tattooing has such a long history and also super wide spread. It's quite a tribal thing, isn't it?

Yeah, to say culturally it'd be really, Yeah, I'm imagining that back ancient Maori culture, they're not getting like a Chinese phrase tattooed a little bit. They're definitely not getting a keyboard. Yeah, Western culture is the one that sort of bastardises the traditional tattoos a bit. It doesn't seem to be that as common in the, yeah, it would have been funny to see, like, find a mummified Egyptian with some sort of a misquoted. No regrets. some of spelt barbed wire under me. Oh, so good.

Pamela Anderson style. That was huge for a little while in the 90s, barbed wire and the bicept. Oh, wow, the tea. The tea. I don't know how he heard a tea all these years. Yeah, it does feel silly now. So, yeah, the tattoo machine that was invented, it's like it's made it so much easier. So it's handheld, it's just a, it uses a tube and needle, and it's just bang, bang, bang.

And they, so the, um, they use a. foot switch like a sewing machine. So when you're pushing down, it's jabbing. Is that how it still works? Yeah. I didn't remember notes. So they're using the foot to control. Oh, maybe it isn't.

I reckon when I got it done, they had a foot pedal. They probably had to wind it up for you, Grandpa. Yeah, come on, Matt. Probably connected to the generator. Yeah, otherwise, I guess on the gun it would have a button. Is that what you're thinking? It's just a button. Yeah, yeah.

I think they're controlling it with a hand, right? That makes much more sense than your foot. At the same time possibly. Look, yeah, that's interesting. I'm sure. What was the tweet? Cain for, hashtag keen for pain. Let us know.

We'll look it up. You're a tattoo artiste. And yeah, the needle drive, it depends, and it's got a little bit to do with the tattoo artist themselves, how far in the needle goes. But it should be something like 1.16th of an inch into your skin. if you go too shallow it'll end up like a weird blurry thing because it's not deep enough and if you go too deep it can really fucking hurt

1 16th of an inch yeah so an inch is like 2 and a half centimetres so it's 1 16th of that day lucky we got the math man 0.15 centimeters 0.15 wait 0.15 okay so it's like is that 1.5 millimeters

Yes. That's not very deep, is it? Yeah, I was thinking it would be, but I guess it can't be that much deeper. Skin. Yeah, true. Yeah, right. That's interesting.

Wow. I'm really dumb. You know, that's what I find out on this podcast. And it's nice to be finding that out as everyone else is. I mean, it doesn't sound that much, but I mean, I mean, if someone came up and said, hey, I want to stab you with this needle, don't worry, it's only 1.5 millimeters. You still be like, nah. Yeah.

Yeah, I guess if it goes. Yeah, but like, okay, I'm perfectly happy. giving blood though and that goes in a lot further yeah that's going into a vein or something yeah but that's not stabbing just the skin true yeah it's going and thousands of times okay well point i remember because mine's on my ankle so around some of it was right onto bone machine bone the bone bit felt i've heard some people saying it hurts more and some people say it hurts less for me it felt that felt like a weird massage or something like good hurt yeah like it was just like vibrating it you could feel the vibrating on the bone, but through some of the other parts, it felt like a scalpel

was being slicing through my skin, because it was in, like, the flames and lines, the outlines, felt like it was just a scalpel. Is this possibly the reason you haven't been back in 10 years? No, I, and you hear about this a lot that it's addictive, uh, tattoo, getting tattoos. And I, I, I was worried about that at the time. I'm like, oh, man. What if I love this? And I kind of ended up, the more, like at first, it was like, ah, this, this hurts why.

am I doing this? And then by the end, I was quite enjoying it somehow. Did you find it painful? How did it feel on the bicept? On the bicept on my arm. I got it all done in one session, which I'm happy about because I wouldn't want it to have gone back. Because it did hurt quite a lot.

I'm not very good with pain, but painful for me, it's a zebra sort obviously has hooves. And the bottom, that's where it really hurt down the bottom of my bicept. Oh, that's funny. Bicep. Yeah, but I don't know why, but that really, really hurt that thing. Because you hear of all sorts of places, like ribs are apparently, very painful.

One of my friends got a tattoo on her ribs and was like, have you started yet? And he thought she was a freak because of pain threshold. I want to get one on my wrist and I've heard that can really hurt as well. Yeah, right. Because it's quite a skinny part of you. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. Of you.

Yeah. You've got very slim wrists. Such dainty, dainty wrists. She'll be remembered for her loud laugh and dainty wrists. What a combo. I have a theory that the further away from your head, the less it. hurts because your brain I reckon the brain is where you know what's going on in your brain the closer to your head the more full on it is so I'm what about your foot I had it

on my lower leg so I was just like I was so far away it's like okay this is okay but I reckon Dave's is up getting pretty clear you can't just pretend that's not happening what about your feet that would really hurt I reckon bottom of the foot apparently a lot of tattoo artists will do that for free if you can if you can deal with it apparently it kills I got a mate who was bored at uni one day. So he went to the tattoo shop and he's like, he looked, he googled what the fastest fading areas of your body for tattoos were. And the soles of your feet was one.

So he went in and got left and right tattooed under the soles of his feet. Just for something to do. What, did it last? Or did it actually? And it's still there still there. I think that's so funny. Yeah, what a weird thing? It fades fast.

To kill time. I would have got a massage or... Studied. Studied. Got some lunch. I would have got food. How I killed time. Improved your life in some way. Yeah, that's great.

Well, I mean, you know, it gave me a story. Improved my life. Gave us all a story. I like to think that it's like, yeah, that will fade faster than others, but it still will take 200 years or three times the average lifetime to break down, whereas your arm will take five average lifetime. Yeah. You're still stuck with it for life.

Forever, mate. What about like when people get tattoos inside their... Inside the lip, what do you feel about that? It's a funny spot to get something done as well. It's like, check this. You know, you have to. Because you never see that. You have to very deliberately show somebody like that.

What are you up to? Yeah. I'm just casually hanging out here. No big deal. But I mean, that's assuming that you get a tattoo for other people to see. True. I mean, why do you get anything? Well, other one.

Sometimes it's just something for you to see in the mirror. Tattoo removal. This is something, Jess, you might be curious about it before you get one, knowing that there isn't out. It's not 100% kind of thing. It depends on a lot of factors like the colours that are used and the types of ink. Okay. Do you have the colours there that are easier to remove?

I think black is easier. Oh, because mine is all black because I've got very pale skin, so the white part of the zebra is my normal skin colour. So you're telling me that if I want to get rid of this, not as hard as if I... Yeah, yours will be a better chance. Oh, thank God. Harder colors are colors like yellows.

But they're like big, bold lines too. I reckon that would be hard. You'd have to go... Oh, come on, Jess. I just felt good about myself. Nah, I've got to bring you down. I reckon that'd take several very painful sessions, upwards of ten painful sessions, I reckon.

I'm more into the idea of covering them up anyway. You could turn that into anything. Imagine the possibilities. Just a black rectangle. A big black rectangle or a black... A big oval in black. Symbolizing my love of the favorite shape of mine, which is ovals. You could also just like do your entire bicep black.

Yep, that is a good option. Like, you know, footballers may wear like a black arm, but you could just do the whole bicep black. And I can extend it down to elbow joint too and just run up to shoulder, black. To throw people off the scent that I ever had a zebra there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you don't want them to know. You just, yeah, just black arm. Oh.

Old black arm, Warnocky. Hey, Dave's arm has gone bad. Yeah, well, it would look like... It's overrothed. It would look like that I'd lost blood flow and that I was going to have it removed any day now. Have you seen the bass player from Rajin's Machine? He's got some full-on solid black tat.

So his tattoo, the pattern is made by the part that isn't tattooed. So his shoulders and arms are all black except for little stripes and swirls and stuff. Oh, wow. So where it's not tattooed is actually the pattern rather than the... Oh, my goodness. Yeah. Yeah, he's got...

That's a bit full on. That's upwards of ten sessions of removal. Oh, I see. That's full on. Yeah. I sounded like such a mum then. Oh, I see. Oh, I see. We will tweet out a photo of...

I think his name's Tim. It doesn't look like a Tim. Let's go with Tim. Tim's should be accountants. Timothy. You know how I feel about... We know how you feel about accountants. So tattoo removal, it's probably hard to ever make it look like there was nothing there before.

You're going to see some sort of... Oh, so it's not completely... It's unlikely to be completely erased. Oh, really? I thought that if you went long enough, you could get... Early on, you can make a big progress, but then it gets harder to get the last little bits. Because you're physically trying to... What you're doing is you're breaking down...

I'm talking about laser removal here, which is the most common one. I didn't know there were multiple types. Yeah, they used to have to get them surgically removed. Ew, what? Just take, like, I guess. Cut it out? I guess so. No.

Look, I didn't look, I didn't, I chose not to look too much into it. You can also use cream that fades it. Oh, okay. It doesn't work very well. Let me see. Or acid. Acid, yeah, acid works. Just cut your arm off.

Yeah, if you want to go really hardcore. Rip your bloody arm. These are old school. Like if you're leaving the gang in the back room type method. A friend at work. is currently getting laser. Can I have a guess how it works?

Because she did kind of explain it it, but I very rarely listen. Yeah, look, you probably know about more than I do. So it's something to do with like it breaks down the ink. Yeah.

But it puts it into your bloodstream. Yeah, and then your body. Your body can break it down really quickly. How does it move it to the bloodstream? Amazing. That's how I understand it, but I don't know the science behind it.

Yeah. So yeah, you're just, they're going in, the lasers are breaking. They're breaking down the... Further in. The pigments and then your body flushes it out.

You get, for a little while you get very colourful stools. You start shitting out the ink. I feel like that's made up. That is made up. Yeah, Jess, I don't think your blood flows to your anus and then you shit out the ink. Well, maybe yours doesn't, you. Well, yeah, what do I have that you two don't have? An anus that shits ink.

But yeah, so it takes, apparently, it takes... I don't know, I've never noticed if Jess has one. Yeah. I've been paying quite a lot. a lot of it. Dave's shown me his. Yeah, mine's quite large, bigger than yours. And Jess well, she hasn't shown it. So she could be hiding one somewhere, but I don't know.

Hashtag Jess's an anus. No, let's not make that one. Let's keep it to Keene for Paine, okay? Keem for Peene for Pee. Let's keep it a mile above board. It is. It takes months, lots of sessions and costs probably way more than the tattoo. Yes, I've heard that it's quite expensive.

Apparently, booming business for the people that do it, It seems crazy to me that, who cares enough? Like, if you wanted to get something, it seems, I just can't imagine a situation where you go, I've totally done a 180 on this. All right, I will. Partner's name. In the, yes, that's right, partner.

Or I will do, I will tweet this out one of those lists of blogs where it's like a world's worst tattoo ideas, and it's like 30 ones where people have tattooed like a skull over their face. Yeah. Or like ridiculous, like a Nazi symbol or something. And then you've realized that, hey, I'm not an idiot. Oh, I googled Nazis. Turns out they weren't very nice.

I totally get that, but I mean, who's making those decisions? I'm talking about, like, that's not what the majority of them are. They're not Nazi symbols on people's faces. No, no. Shwistik is I think they're called Dave. Hey, I don't want to give them any more coverage than they already have. No. So, I was reading, I read a few different lists, and I've read a few quite funny sort of,

directed to teenager descriptions of tattoos. And like talking to them like they're educational, but nah, trying to fairly balanced. And they, some of them gave,

they said stuff like people have, people have been tattooed for many reasons. Oh, and they gave a bit of a list. And I've got, I wrote four of these down, or five, but it'd be interesting to see if you guys.

It's Matt's top five reasons to get a tattoo. Here they are. Here we go. The top five. Number five. Are we going? from five to one? Sure.

This is not arbitrary at all. Number five. Can we take turns announcing it? The numbers? Yeah. Thank you. Yes, you can go first because you're so... No, no, he said number five.

To provide protection against illness and bad luck. So there used to be beliefs. Probably start in some cultures where a tattoo will protect you from illness. You know, if you get the right tattoos. Oh, wow. It's like a safeguard. Is it specific about what one's ward off evil and illness? It is, but I didn't get too deep into that stuff.

But did you read anywhere about a zebra with a keyboard instead of its pattern? Would that say, keep me? I've got the book here and it says that is inviting bad time. Oh, shit. It means you're going to toil in the entertainment industry without ever reaching great heights. I'm so sorry, Dave. I'm so sorry. Ironic that the Postal Service have that such great heights song. Damn it.

All right. Number four To represent a member's rank or standing in a community Well You're talking about my tattoo again Yeah Janitor A boom

Number three To declare love So you might You know That classic one is a love heart with mother written on it So good Or you know Or you might have a partner's name

And they're like you're saying They're often the ones that are regretted I didn't think about that But that would be something that changed one. Yeah, absolutely. It was, I had a fun fact about that, which is a pretty famous one. Maybe that's just a little sizzle.

Angelio Jolie? No, what was her? She got Billy Bob Thornton. Right, and they used to wear vials of each other's blood around the name. It was a beautiful love. What are we up to? Number two! To Punish or Mark Ownership?

Oh, so similar to partner's name. Oh, boo! What are you under the thumb or something? Relationships suck. Yeah. Happy Valentine's Day. Your tattoo says hashtag single forever. Hashtag keen for peen though.

Oh, you were inviting the wrong kind of tweets. But enjoy. All right. Hey, you get the notifications as well. You'll be seeing those dickpicks as well. At do you go on pod. Number one! And number one, yeah, is...

And it's probably by far the most common reason now. It's for fashion or decoration, which is I imagine what you got yours for. Decoration. Yeah, I guess so, yeah. It's just to decorate my skin. Mine is to mark my ranking in the community. Flamer. Flame boy.

He's a flamer. He's a flamer. Oh, mate, you're one of those flamers I've been hearing so much about. Yes. Read the bloody tattoo, mate. read and weep. Do you guys know where the word tattoo originated? Oh, I do not.

Tattoo. All I can think of is like the military tattoo. Yeah, well, that... Well, my thought before you, like, if that's factual, it's just a tattooing from Star Wars, which is a long time ago on a galaxy far far away. I'm going to... I'm so sorry you got to put up with that chess. Surely you've seen Star Wars though, Matt, right?

Yeah, Dave. Good. But now is not the time. Oh, come on. Star Wars is fucking great. We do so many visual gags. Yeah, we do a lot of... Too many. A lot of eye humor over here.

Anyway, so, so the military tattoo, that sounds like pretty good. Let's lock that one in rather than tattooing. That is actually... That's got a separate origin. The military drumbeat, the military tattoo. They were just in town, in Melbourne town. My parents went to see on the weekend. With the Edinburgh tattoo, yes.

Yes, the Edinburgh military tattoo. Where are they from? military. Edinburgh. Yeah, they're from Edinburgh. That's true. It's in the name. So that tattoo has a totally different etymology origin.

But it's the same spelling. Exactly same spelling, but comes from a totally different spot. It comes from the Dutch word taptoe. I think you're just putting another P in there. Taptow. Whereas the body art word tattoo comes from, it's thought to have. come from Polynesia.

Britannica was saying that there's a few different like, it seems to be a lot of different origins or suggested origins of the word, but the Britannica says that the word tattoo itself was introduced into English and other

European languages from Tahiti, where it was first recorded by James Cook's expedition in 1769. Aha. So it's like a Tahitian word. Yeah, and it's often thought, it's usually said to have been brought back by James Cook, Captain Cook, to England, but what the initial word was is disputed a little bit. Somewhere I saw that it comes from the Polynesian word, tatau, tatu, meaning correct or workman-like. Okay.

and then I saw on another website that it comes from two words Ta meaning striking something and the Tahitian word to Tao which means to mark something So it's like a different website say Strike and Mark, strike and mark Yeah and then there's

I've seen other places mention that it's What's the word for a sounding like it Is it on a matter opaque when it sounds like it that's just like tap tap, tap, tattoo, tattoo, like the tapping sound of the, of the, of the, the instrument into the skin. Not into the skin, the, the hammer onto the, um, instrument that bangs the punctures, the, anyway. Well, that was well explained. You know, no, I totally get, no, that makes sense that bit. Um, so we can start going through some of the history.

Obviously, it's just, it's so epic that I, I feel like I have not done the whole thing justice. There's so many different cultures you could go into and do a whole episode on, you know, Polynesian tattoos or Japanese tattoos and stuff like that. But I haven't gone super into any of them, but I'll give you a bit of an overview of different things. What's what we like here at Do-Goan? We like an overview. Yeah.

One theory, one common theory about how tattoos come about was that thousands and thousands of years ago. We know that at least they were happening at least 5,000 years ago. but it's thought that they were happening 10,000 years ago plus. Wow. Being the first one. Yeah, well, the idea is that probably the way it happened was someone got wounded, you know, back in the olden days when everyone was just getting wounded day to day.

Yeah, just living. Yeah. And then by the fire or something, some soot got into the wound, and then it healed up, and then they noticed that that black mark, remained. I would. And I'm like, oh.

Okay. I would not. I don't mind the way that looks. That would not be my reaction if a wound healed and went black. I'd be like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. This isn't good. Classic Dave. That theory came up a few times like that.

I mean, it makes sense. Well, who's going, you know what we could do? Yeah. Like, you'd think it'd only happen accidentally first, right? Yeah. But then the fact that all these cultures that didn't have any interaction all came to the same thing. Pretty amazing. Yeah, true.

I mean, probably different techniques. Yeah. To be getting there, but they've all, a lot of these cultures. And how did they figure out, well, we can draw on ourselves, but it never stays. Maybe we just need to go deeper. Go deeper. You know what they said? Get deep.

And what they said was, oh, boy. Well, I've just drawn on my epidermis, but what I need is something that goes through to my dermis. Yeah. Am I right, ladies? Am I right? Tip tap, let's do this. Tip tap. Your epidermis is showing.

Simpson's reference. Very good. Thank you. You see, epidermis technically means his hair. So, it's funny and true. What a guy. Until relatively recently, the ancient Egyptian mummies, which we talked about last week. Oh, God, we're still cursed from that.

Maybe, yep, good. No, no, I think the hashtag hot for tut... It broke the curse. It broke the curse. Because we've got it an even amount of times. If you keep tweeting it and it becomes an odd number of hot to tuts on Twitter, then we will be, of course, damned for all eternity. Like his little smug face.

And a little wobble of the head when he does. That's how petty tut is. Anyway, do go on. Hashtag Petty Tut. We've got so many hashtag. We could overuse that hashtag thing. We may have, do you think we've reached saturation point? May have hashtag done its dash.

Yeah, I think I'm going to leave the hashtag to Jess because she has it. The queen of the tag. Yeah. Hashtag tag queen. No, I did it again. It's a bad habit to get into. Yeah, it's a fucking hashtag. But anyway, Egyptians and mummies.

So, yeah, for quite a while, they were the earliest physical... Or like proof that... Proof that human skin had been tattooed. Oh, because their bodies last longer than most of the cultures. Yeah, so that... But... And those mummies were from around 2000 BCE. So, you know, 4,000 years-ish old.

But in 1991, the preserved remains of what has become known as the Iceman were found in the Italian Alps. You know about this guy? Iceman. Iceman. Sounds like a pretty sick superhero. Yeah. He is. Very crook.

Or a not very nice drug dealer. An ice man. Oh, yes. And we don't support drugs on this program. Nothing about him says that he's not nice. But ice is not a nice drug. The nice man. It's a silent end.

Okay, okay. Invisible end. I'm back on. I've had a little bit about the ice man, but tell us, so he found in the Alps. Yeah, he was found in the Italian Alps by a couple of people. I forget what kind of people they wear, so he went with people. Walkers, probably. Explorers.

It's always joggers. It's always joggers of fine dead bodies. In the Italian... I was just jogging through the Italian Alts and found this guy preserved in ice. Yeah. Mamma Mia. Oh. Oh, that was...

Did you find that offensive? No. Just feel like, oh, Mamma Mia. Yeah, no, I didn't quite hit the... You know, I've got Italian heritage, right? So it's okay. Say the... Do it in the offensive accent.

Okay, right. Well, that's what I didn't want to do. So it's estimated that this guy lived around 3,300 BCE. So about 5,300 years ago. And they found the body and he was tattooed. And his body was covered in tats. About somewhere around 60 of them, 50 or 60. And the ice had preserved it.

And yeah, the ice preserved him. So it sort of mummified him. Wow. Yeah, he's a, I would say he's a funny looking guy. Like, I don't think it had perfectly preserved him. I don't think he'd be super happy with how he looks. but he, you know, you can still see his skin. You can make him out as a man.

Can you, like... I thought you're going to say you could make him into like a leather jacket or something, and that's probably true as well. His skin's, you know, it's been leatherified. Is that what happens? Isn't that what leathering is? It looks like he's made out of a leather couch.

Oh, maybe he just tanned too much. It just looks like he's got leather. The couch part, there's no... Nothing on him makes him look like he was made out of a couch. I don't know why I said that. There's no cushions or poof. There's no cushions, no poofs, no reclining things. There's no fold out part.

No, no fold out legs. Sleep on him when you're in law's visit. Well, you're definitely good, but I wouldn't recommend it. But he had 50 to 6. That's a lot of tattoos. 50 to 60s. And the main theories that I saw about his tattoos were that they served a therapeutic or diagnostic purpose. as all these tattoos were mainly, all of these were mainly, so that's a bit of a contradiction,

all of these tattoos were mainly positioned. I stuck with it anyway, positioned around the lower back in his joints, were the places where it was thought that he was suffering from joint and spinal. Oh, that does not sound like a good way to get rid of pain is by stabbing a needle. Yeah, and... Primitively into the joint. Acupuncture. Yeah, it does, so...

That's exactly what it is. Some people are saying that it might be like acupuncture, the... the action of injecting him is alleviating the pain and then other people will suggest that maybe they were marking the spots so people could provide

some other sort of relief in those spots. At a point it gets, you've got 60 pain spots, that's most of the body suddenly is like, oh, that's what I just said it's a real mess. Where's it hurt? Everywhere. Yeah, and then yeah, you don't need the markings. You don't need, and the extra pain of

a tattoo? Yeah. The tattooed Egyptian mummy, so we go about a thousand years forward, the tattooed Egyptian mummies were exclusively women, and one of the theories I was reading was suggesting that the tattoos were used to protect themselves during pregnancy and childbirth. Sort of marking the pain. Like amulets. They described me as like amulets, protecting their...

Wow. Yeah, in 2000 BC, like now it's fucked. and you've got sterilized hospitals and people who know what they're doing, drugs. But I wonder if they, like, okay, oh, I'm pregnant, let's chuck a whole bunch of tattoos on there, or if they did it early knowing that they were going to have kids at some point. Because you can't get tattoos while you're pregnant. Can you? No, you can't.

They wouldn't have health and safety laws for them. No, I know, but, like, I'm just saying. Yeah, no, that's interesting. Maybe they got done as young ladies and then. They were probably eating heaps of soft cheese too, hey? I just didn't care. Zero fuck's given. Sorry unborn, baby.

Soft cheeses, smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. So much wine. Please don't. I never heard the soft cheese thing. What's that? Can't eat soft cheese. Because they're enzymes, I think. It's a very small chance, but I believe there is something that can fuck your fetus.

Hashtag a Jess. No. Soft cheese can contain Listeria bacteria. Oh, that's fun to say. cause an infection called Listeriosis. To avoid this risk, pregnant women are advised not to eat any mould-ripened soft cheese, such as Brie, Camber, mould-ripened soft cheese made with goats milk,

and others with similar rind. That's from the NHS.uk website. Oh, they're all the good cheeses. I'm so sorry pregnant women out there. If you wanted to know what the tattoos were, they were mainly dotted patterns of lines and diamond patterns. Diamonds are a girl's best friend, so. Even 4,000 years ago.

I'm going to get a diamond tattooed. That joke? It wasn't a joke, it's just the truth. That's the tattoo I'm going to get. I'm going to get a big old diamond. Why old? Well, diamonds are very old by then, inherently. Well, so, I mean, it's kind of a tortology then, wasn't it?

You're a tortology? I'm not. Other tattooed mummies have been recovered from at least 49 archaeological sites, including locations in Greenland, Alaska, Siberia, Mongolia, Western China, Sudan, the Philippines and the Andes. Wow, that's nearly all continents. Yeah, they, yeah, tattoos have been all over the shop for thousands of years. Interesting, right? Hmm.

Apparently, according to a Greek writer Herodotus around 450 BCE, he stated that among the Skcythians and the Thrashians, tattoos were a mark of nobility. That's Thracians. No that one. Thracians. Tatus were a mark of nobility. And to not have one was testimony of low birth.

Oh. It just, I mean, it shows so many things just made up. Yeah. It's like, it's scummy to get a tattoo or if you wear a hat inside,

it's rude. It's like, why? Yeah. Just made up things. And they change all the time. Sometimes it's like, Yeah, sometimes you're at the top of the Greek society, and then other times you're at the bottom of the Greek society

of people think you're a scumbag. The mummies have had a real rollercoaster over the last 5,000 years. I'm back on top. Some mummies, time to shine. Accounts of ancient Britons also suggested that the tattoos were a mark of high status, and they had shapes of beasts tattooed on their bodies. I like that. Beasts. I've got a beast tattoo. You've got a beast tattoo.

Yeah. Zebra's a beast. Is it a beast? Big time. It's a working animal. That makes sense. So a beast's a bird. No, I don't think zebras aren't. Zebras probably aren't a beast.

I think they're tried to make them like a working, like a horse and a donkey, but they're not very good for. Beast of Bourbon is a very good pun. Zebras? Yeah. Well, they're one of my favorite animals. They're just beautiful creatures. Yeah, but I'm just, I just think it's interesting that you say, like, they're, they're no good at work, like real jobs.

Well, it's hard to domesticate them, that's what I mean. I reckon that's perfect for you. I'm not a, yeah, man, I'm not a domestic workforce. You can't be. I'm a beautiful creature that people like to look at. Don't fence me in, baby. That's right. Never touch. I'm going to roam the plains of life. Shaking it with a lion.

Yeah, getting eaten by lions. Sometimes outrunning them. That's great. That's good. Good for you. Thank you, guys. Appreciate it. Do you go on All right, mate Hey, did you guys know That was fine

But that was a bit BTN Wasn't it behind the news Did you get that? Do you say that show on here again? Btian, yeah, big time Wednesdays we used to go Yeah, I don't remember it But somebody sold a joke about it

Recently It's like a kid's ABC news show Hey, did you know You know that 50% of the world's power Comes from coal It was adults trying to talk to kids Which is very hard to do Tell you a little bit more about coal.

Oh. How have they made coal so fun? They haven't. They haven't. They never did. They never did it. Tatus were relatively common in Europe in the olden days, back in the past. How olden are we talking?

Oh, we're talking. When's olden? We're talking like the Roman, Roman Empire. Great. Also, of a long period of time, but no worries. Yeah. Well, that was only, what, centuries. Thousands.

Over a thousand years. Yeah. Okay. There's been centuries that I mean that too as well. You're boring me. I'd love to get just a supercut of all Jess's yawns on this podcast. Do you have to be a big special? The yawn special.

Tell us about yawns. No, please, Matt. We really got to get this done. It's because I'm always tired. No. You think you're tired? Because I work really hard and I do lots of things and I juggle it all together. and I'm a trooper.

Wow. Dave, if you don't mind, I'm trying to talk about tattoos here. If I could somehow talk over the yawns. Let us turn down the yawn. Please, do go on. So tattoos were relatively common in Europe. Romans tattooed their criminals. They had criminals there and they tattooed them and also their slaves.

But what did they tattoo on the criminals? Did they write baddie? Yeah, they wrote... Not a good guy. Thug life? Yeah. I sort of like, you know, like they drew a picture of them sort of talking behind their hand saying, do not give this guy a job.

Oh, okay, yeah. He is no good. He's not coming back to pay for that bread. Yeah, that sort of stuff. I like it. I wouldn't. It's like a bad, they just have tripped vizers reviews on their back. One star, don't let this guy borrow your car.

Yeah, that sort of stuff. So, yeah, they, the Romans tattooed their criminals and slaves. So obviously back in their day, it's not a good thing to have. Because it says you're either owned by someone or that you are a criminal. As often happens, when the bad guys of society do something, eventually becomes cool. And then it caught on with the Roman soldiers. They got right in order as well. Oh, okay.

And then it spread right across the Roman Empire, which was a big chunk of Europe. So in Europe for a time, they were very popular back in the old days. but when Christianity popped up, you guys... I've heard of that. Yeah, no Christianity. Yeah, I'm aware of it. So when Christianity came about, tattoos were seen to disfigure that made in God's image.

Oh, right, right. So we're born without the ink. Why do you need the ink? And that's the idea. So Christianity really killed off the tattoo trade. I also think that that does make sense, but by that logic, you probably shouldn't have a haircut. No haircuts.

Toneals. You shouldn't grow at all. You should remain a baby. It's quite ironic too, because especially for a while there, like, crosses were very popular tattoos. Yeah. So, you know, Christianity's like, nah, ah. So then we went, okay, we'll put a cross on my body. Yeah.

You know? You know? Just saying, man. What do you think about that? Davey boy. Davy Moore. I have absolutely zero comment. Wow.

And, and they were. were banned by Emperor Constantine in 306 to 373 AD. That was Emperor Constantine's reign. Wow, so he never mallowed. He never changed his mind. Couldn't talk him around. He was just a guy that believed in something, and maybe you guys should try that sometime

and see if you can stick to it. All right, we'll learn from the great Emperor Constantine. We'll keep it in the back of our mind. Do you know anything about him? I bet you know something about him. I imagine that Constantinople is named after him. Which became? Istanbul, that's right.

Istanbul and Istanbul. Istanbul. And it's Istanbul. And it's Istanbul and Constantinople. Why do Constantinople get the works? That is nobody's business but the Turks. Yeah, perks. Turks for Pecs.

Turks for Turks. Turks for Turks. I like Turkish food. I like Turkish food. And people, you know, case-by-case basis, I suppose. Silly to generalise about a whole people. You can't like everybody. I'm sure there's an asshole or two amongst them.

Hashtag. Arsehole or two amongst them. Yeah, too long. Tweet in, tweet in if you are. What, Turkish and an asshole. Yeah. If you tick both boxes or just one. Do we have much of a Turkish listenership?

Yeah. Lish. Believe that. She's lit. Oh, boy. I believe 80% of our downloads. Wow. What percentage of our downloads are assholes?

I'm afraid that that data has been withheld. Oh. I wish I hadn't made my own self-lapse. In a weird mood. Okay. Yeah, this has been feeling weird. What a weird app. Dave's dead eyes.

He doesn't like much, you know, muck around. None of this muck about. But he also doesn't like, self-referencing ourselves too much. He just wants it to be about the facts. So, obviously, tattoos have got a history across the whole world, and I have hardly gone into any specific cultures.

Just quickly, you want to note a couple. Japanese men began adorning their bodies with elaborate tattoos in third century AD, late third century AD. All right, so that's quite a long time, but still a bit later than those other cultures we're talking about. The Japanese stuff is super influential around the world as well. Yeah, they're really popular and a lot of the acclaimed artists are those sort of ancient, well, not ancient, but older Japanese masters that do that sort of dot style, where they don't use an electric needle, but they sort of dip it needle at a time.

Oh, wow. And yeah, I think it's very expensive and they're very acclaimed. Yeah, I think there was... They often feature those tattoo expoes. We have, you know, the very famous Japanese tattooist. I don't know any names because I'm not into that world, but, you know, amongst their people, they are very famous. The tattoo people.

That's right. So evidence for tattooing has been found amongst some ancient mummies found in China's Taclamacan desert. I was going to say dessert. So I have real trouble with that word, apparently, because that was the second take at it. He's still struggled. So just in short, they found some mummies in a Chinese desert. Yes. Or big bowl of ice cream.

And this was around 1,200 BC during the later Han Dynasty. But it seems only criminals were tattooed there as well. Oh, right. The elaborate tattoos of the Polynesian cultures are thought to have developed over millennia. So that they go back millennia. And they feature highly elaborate geometric designs, which in many cases cover the whole body. But imagine being part of that sort of culture and you go home to your mum with a big old tattoo and she wouldn't even be mad. Like, if I go home with a big tattoo, my mom's going to be furious at me.

Really? Yeah. And is that something, because you were talking about earlier, that you are considering getting one? Is that something that would hold you back? Yeah, oh, it has. It is holding me back. Right. Does anyone in your family extended or close have tattoos?

A couple of cousins. I'm sure more cousins that just hide them. Have they been shunned from your family? No, not at all. Is your mum a follower of Emperor Constantine? Constantinople? No. No, but it was a different time.

You know, because back when my parents were young, the people who had tattoos were rough people. It's funny because it just depends on the time. Now it's so normal. So normal. But the mindset doesn't change from whenever you're young, you're like, if tattoos are bad now, I'm always going to seem that way. Whereas, like, as we've sort of talked about, it's been a roller coaster for tattoos over the centuries. Sometimes it's totally normal or even like high status thing, sometimes super low status. So it's funny that humans get so caught up in their little time that it's like, well, no, it's right now.

But even that's, it's already moved on in the last, what, 40 years or not even, probably 20 years. Fact. Hey, Martin Hildebrandt is thought to be the first professional, I'm saying every word wrong. I said provisional. Provisional. Martin Hilderbrandt is thought to be the first professional tattoo artist in the US. He was a German immigrant who arrived in Boston in 1846, and he tattooed soldiers on both sides of the American Civil War.

Sweet little cat in, is he just sort of in the middle there, just walking between the two parties? I like to think he's... It's cool, guys. Don't shoot me. I'm a tattooist. He's tattooing on one side going, yeah. You guys are totally in the right. I'm with you. I'm with you. I'm with you all.

Yeah, this crest, I believe in this, and then he goes the other side. So depending on which day he's working, and he's got one sleeve rolled up showing it. Totally. Southern power. I agree with everything of the South. Stick it to him. And then Yankee boys for life.

Just don't look at my left arm. Yeah. Death to Yankees on the left. Yankee life is pretty good. Leave the hashtags. What could you do with that? No, I'm not even going to try. Yankee's got to have something there.

Yankee boy. You want me to hashtag Yankee boy. If you can. No, you can't. I don't even want you to try. Unless I do it offensively. Okay, good. Now I need to hear it.

Oh, just something like with wank. Oh. And that's somehow going to be your positive slogan for the north. Yeah. Get on the wanky boys. Fuck damn. Wanky boys. Does I say wanky twice?

Yeah, you did. Fuck. And that will be available for any upcoming slogan. Logan, you need written for your festival parade or fundraiser. Yeah, that's right. Happy birthday, Jaden, you fuck. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry to slip that in there. Sorry, Jaden.

He's not sorry. I'm sorry, not sorry. I'm not sorry to a kid called Jaden. My God. Put a shocker. Please do go on. By the 1880s, tattooing had become a very expensive process.

So it was a real mark of wealth for the aristocrats. of Europe to have a tattoo. So it became a really popular thing. And I think even, like, to go get the tattoos by the best of the best, they'd jump on a ship and go to places like Japan. Wow. Really, you had to be quite wealthy to get a good tattoo. A good tattoo.

You couldn't just impulse tattoo either, could you? That's right. You know, you'd have to, oh, got really drunk. You end up on a ship. You get a tattoo. You wake up, you're out at sea by the next day. You go on, I don't want a tattoo. Yeah, but now you're not.

You're already on a ship. Yeah, you spend six weeks on a ship for nothing. If you go home, your friends are going to call you all kinds of names. That's true. Like a sissy boy. Oh, no, I'm not a sissy boy. Well, get that tattoo then. Prove you're not a sissy boy.

You've got to go back again. Go see the nice Japanese man. Get a tattoo. So, yeah, that was that's good. That was one time where your mum would have been like. Jess, where is your tattoo? Where's your tattoo? What are you poor?

I raised you better than this. Yeah, we have money. Get your tattoo. Well, that's kind of, that's all the bits and pieces I've got. Apart from the final little segment, which I like to call facts. Okay. No, fun facts. But I don't like because of your thing is fun facts.

My thing is the fun facts. And in the past, you've said, here are some fun facts and they haven't been all that fun. I haven't had a super record with my fun facts being fun. I will determine if they're fun or not. Okay, but these are definitely, almost definitely facts. And how many of you got? And how many do we have to have... Is it like a...

You have to go above 50% ratio to be fun? Or Jess, well, you decide that. Well, I've got seven here. Seven. So let's give... Like, if you can get four. Four fun facts, it actually becomes fun. Okay.

Then the whole segment can be deemed fun. All right, I shall keep a telly. Fact number one, Matt. All right. In August 2013, William Mulaney of London was tattooed with a portrait of his... his late father, and that tattoo used ink mixed with a small portion of his father's ashes. Oh, no. He had his dad injected deep into his dermis.

That's pretty, that's gross, but is that fun? Matt, I'm going to say that's fun. Fun. And my judging for these is purely based on would I tell this at a dinner party, at a dinner party, because I go to so many dinner parties. I mean, if I'm standing around at a party with friends, would I... A dinner party. Would I tell this?

You're sitting down for dinner at a party. I'm sitting down for dinner with some friends and they're celebrating something. You're meeting your partner's parents for the first time on an extremely formal occasion. You said, you go, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I have a little fun fact for you all about some guy who tattooed his dead dad onto him using his dead dad. It'd be best at a funeral. That would be topical. That's right, because funeral, no one knows what to say, but you do.

Hey, so are we cremating him? Well, I know what we can do with him. Here's what we can do. Or blast him off into space. There you go. So fun, one from one, Matt. One for one. Fun one from one.

Let's do it. Another one. Number two, some tattoo inks are made with animal products. Did you know that? So actually, if you just walked into a random tattoo parlour, odds are probably have non-vegan ink. So I don't know if that's a fun fact. But interestingly, the ingredients in the non-veganeseyant. Vegan tattoo ink can contain bone char, glycerum from animal fat,

gelatin from hooves or shellac from beetles. Ooh, beetle shellac. Yeah, you can have that in you. It's much like, you know, you might not have your own dad's ashes in you, but you could have, you know, like the ashes of it. Some Beatles dad or a horse's dad's dad's, dad's. What are you getting a... Well, so do you think that my zebra tattoo, because it is a zebra, has hooves,

is actually tattooed on using the ink from a horse's hoof? Oh, that would be, that is probable. Probable, but is it fun? It's interesting, it's probable, but it bummed me out a little bit. It is not fun. Not fun. You've dropped to a 50% fun ratio. Okay.

Look, I'm very low on confidence, so that doesn't surprise me. All right, Matt, when a spank? People can disagree with me as well. well. You can tweet to us if you disagree and think these are fun facts. Yeah, but... I mean, you're a fucking idiot, but... I was about to say, where's the hate coming from you? There it is. There it is. There is. It's always just a moment away.

Just around the corner, Matt. Number three, please. King Harold II, who was King of England. That's the one, I'm pretty sure, who got shot in the eye. Is this great? It is, yeah, he got shot through the eye with an arrow. I was fascinated with that story when I was young. Really? Yes, you were. Yeah, my mum's very big on King.

and queens of England she can name them all in order but I remember yeah King Howard did get what's shot with a bow and arrow yeah yeah yeah that's right and yesterday I taught him how to download podcast so in a couple of months

he'll be hearing this hi dad hi dad hi dad's dad look forward to getting your ashes into Dave oh we'll talk about that dad all right Matt

so King out in a battle in 1066 he got the arrow through the face messed up his whole face So, I always thought that it killed him. Yeah, it did. So when it came to identify the body, his widow, Edith, had to identify him based on a tattoo, based on a tattoo on his heart, which read Edith and England. Oh, that's a brutal thing to discover, isn't it?

Yeah, very sweet. And I imagine that on a battlefield, those kind of battles, they had, they didn't last very long, but they, you know, lose thousands of men. So she's going to different men opening all their shirts, looking for it, looking for it. Is that fun? Yeah, it is. It's fun. It's fun. That's a big fact. In favor of fun.

I like how he put his wife ahead of his country as well. Well, fair. That's nice. Lovely. It's really nice. This is over a thousand years ago. Yeah. Well, not quite a thousand years ago.

What a sweetheart. This is almost a thousand years ago. Oh, would you're going to pull me up on a simple maths equation? On a simple five-decade error? My goodness. Number four, please, Matt. This one's from MSN.com. Oh, yeah, so it's credible.

This is already fun. Because I don't, yeah, I'd like them obviously to get credit. Of course. And also, a little struggling company. A segment isn't, it's called fact, but it's not called it credible facts, is it? Yeah, that's true. That's true as well. Exactly.

So they're more fun than fact. Over the years, Sailors' tattoos have had different meanings, and I've got a few examples here. So the tattoo, they'll get different tattoos, say like an anchor. Yeah, anchor, I would have thought would be. What do you, but that, what does that mean something? What do you think that means? Oh, I thought it just meant, like, made. I thought you had an affinity with the sea.

Yeah. Like you're a career sailor, is that something it means? It means the sailor has crossed the Atlantic. Oh, that's quite specific. I know. Quite Pacific. No, Atlantic. Oh, pardon me, sorry.

Other, second big assertion. So when girls get like an anchor on their ribs, like because, and on the other ribs they have a dream catcher, but when they have an anchor. Is these your planned tauts? No. A couple of rib cages? No.

Maybe they should just, they should have thought about a little more as well. Well, they may well have crossed the Atlantic. I imagine that also means sailed across the Atlantic, not just across the Atlantic. Yeah. Yeah. I think that was the preferred mode for most sailors of. This time you're talking of. A couple other examples, there was a dragon and a turtle.

What do you reckon the turtle would mean? Turtle, I mean that while at sea, you witnessed a turtle. See, that would make sense. I'm asking you, you've got a very... Does turtle mean you spend most of your life at sea, but you come on to land to have children? A turtle. And you bury them in the sand and let them fend for themselves.

Well, they're very strange sailors. No, it means they've crossed. the equator, I can't believe you didn't get that. Oh, yeah, of course. Oh. This one, probably you're more likely to get maybe. A dragon. What did that signify?

Still unlikely, but better chance. Walsh. You've traveled to China. Yeah, of course. Served in China. Served in China. Served in China. Yeah, I forget Wales has the dragon on there.

Flag. Classic Wales. So that's a, is that a fun fact, Jess? Master Shuit, I deem that fact. fun. Three one. Do you know why that? I just need one more.

In my opinion, I think that would be fun because you could be that wanker at a party telling people what their tattoos mean. Yeah. Oh, hello, Josephine. I see you have a little anchor there on your arm. Have you crossed the Atlantic? And she goes, no, my dad had one.

And when he died, my siblings and I all got matching tattoos of our dad to remind us of him. Incorrect! I'm sorry, did you get some of his ashes? in that tattoo? Because I have another fun fact for you if you need to hear it. I'm so fun at parties.

You sound like a wild child. How about this one? Do you know this? To celebrate her mother being free of cancer, Emma Stone and her mum got tattoos that paid tribute to their favourite song. Blackbird. Blackbird by the Beatles.

You know this one. I do know that one. Paul McCartney designed it for her. He did. So she wrote him a letter asking him asking P. Mac for a drawing of birds' feet to tattoo, and he responded by sending over the drawings. They're really cute little birds' feet, too.

They're just like little lines. They're really nice. They're on my wrist. It's cool. That made me like Paul McCarney a little bit more. And Emma Stone. Oh, I already liked them. I know.

I already liked them both. They're both pretty cool. But yeah, I did know that one. I love that one. I know them well. I know my opinion on this fact, but Jess? Well, I really like it when unlikely celebrity friendships occur. You know, I like it.

You know why? Because it's bloody fun. Fun fact. Four one. Four one. You did so well. These two next ones, they're just the icing on the cake. This is already fun. It's already fun. I can't believe it. So it would be pretty sad to... I believe it been...

To get four out of five in the last two to not be fun, wouldn't it? Yeah. Well, this... So it's a bit of pressure. Some pressure. I think we talked about earlier that sometimes, you know, when you're removing tattoos, some people also change them or removing because... Oh, yeah.

Yes, yes. Of a failed relationship. Do you might know, I think this one's pretty famous. It's the one that I think of when I think of that scenario. Celebrity who had to have his tattoo change, any guesses? I was thinking Angelina Jolie. Oh, I think it's Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp, yes, that's it.

He had a tattoo. And it's a very good one too. He had a tattoo that read Winona forever when he was dating Winona Ryder. I think he engaged in Winona Ryder, yeah. And after they broke up, he had it changed to, wino forever. Oh. That's pretty funny.

That's fun. That's fun fact. Fun fact. Five one. Now I feel bad for giving you that one that wasn't funny because you could have had a good stroke. I could have it all. No.

No, you can't have it all. Don't go for six one. Go for six one. This last one, these ones generally aren't that fun. The statsy ones. Finishing strong. Yeah, I know. But I've held this one back till the end because I really wanted to leave it to the last

minute to talk about our bicep. again Oh my god biceps So here's a few stats 14.5% of Australians have at least one tattoo Oh 145% of Australians

Okay That's still the clear minority though isn't it Yeah I suppose a lot of older people Older people babies Like you can't have tattoos I think it's illegal until you're 18 or Yeah so true

So I think some people do go around it But I think the general rule As you're not supposed to before 18 I think it's most popular with people like, I'd say 35 under, would you say? Yeah, when they get them, but I mean, they maintain them and they still have them their older. Exactly.

But again, because it wasn't, it was sort of the bad boys who had them back in the 60s, 70s. Now it's us young people when we think we're artists. Is that why? Is that why you're getting one? Oh man, I can't wait to find out if you've changed your mind about getting one or not. And they also split it. I found these stats off. a tattoo removalist's website.

Oh, great. So you know they're going to be pretty... Oh, so they're not biased in any way. Great. They gave the split between men and women in Australia who have tattoos. Who do you reckon would have more men or women? It's pretty close. Percentage?

Percentage. I think women. I say men. It is men. But it is pretty close. It's 15.4% to 13.6%. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah, it's close.

I read some... I read an American one that had women with a higher percentage. is interesting. So it's not universal, but I mean, that's pretty close anyway, right? You know, with a 2% margin for error.

Exactly. 40% of Australians got their first tattoo at 26 years old or older. How old are you going to do? I'm 25. Turning 26. So 40%

I mean 60% were 25 or younger. So you're going to be in the majority or the minority. But it's still not a weird thing for a 26 plus to get it then. Totally not. still fine. No, not at all.

Wow. Exciting. 10% of people got their first tattoo aged mid-40s or older, so people still, they're still, that's as many people as there are left-handers, I think. 10%. No, you're right. That's correct. Not fun, but correct.

Hey, wait. Wait for the big finish. But yeah, I found that interest. still, you know, one in ten. Yeah, they wait for a long time and they think, ah, stuff it. I reckon there'd be people going, and, you know, the memorial tattoo of a lost lover or... Yeah. Or whatever.

I think they're more like a... I think maybe above 40, you're probably less likely to go from zero to a full sleeve in one session. Yeah. But maybe a memento, someone's name or something, yeah. Yeah, a little thing on your whatever. Whatever. Your bicept. Your bicep.

say. Well, that brings us to the final, yeah, I didn't look up tricept. Is that with a T? No T. Well, at the start, there's one T, but it is definitely the beginning of the word. Beginning of the word. Tricep. Tricep. Tricept atops. But there are, look, there are words that are like are similar to those. Inept, yes.

Inept, concept. Like, it's not, it's not out of nowhere at all. Dave, right? Give me that, Dave. Yeah, there are other words that exist in the world, yes. With the P.T. Jess is correct, that's right. There are other words.

Let's go with that. Well, that was basically what I was saying. Why did you give Jess the click? Well, she needs it more. I do. Oh, man. That is a left-handed compliment. It's a little callback.

I enjoyed it. I enjoyed that. Please, go on with your, is it a tricep, bicept, abdominal sept? Well, no, I was, they also had the most common placements. on men and women.

They had two for men and four for women. I mean, obviously I've given one of them away. So bicep. So it's for men first. Bicep. Yep. And, like, I reckon shoulder. You're going to start saying bicep accidentally.

That's bad, isn't it? Yeah. What about? I can like shoulder. Like, oh, you back of your shoulder blade there. A leg like you, I think, Matt. No, well, back. I'm going to give Jess that point there.

Fair enough. So back and bicep are the two. And then women have. have a four. Okay. Wrist. No. Really?

I thought wrist would be a big one. Bicep as well. Yes. Oh, okay. Behind the ear, you know that one that people get? Oh, that's a good way. They can cover with their hair. Ankle or foot?

Feet is one. Oh, yes. What about what people call the tramp stamp? No. No, really. Out of fashion. Thank God. Fair enough.

Okay, what have we got? Bicep and feet. Rib. Rib cage. Of course. Correct. The anchor and the dress. dream catch, I have to go on your rib.

Yeah, I thought you were going to get that one, jeans. Sorry. Or, what else is there? Hands? No, but they're not good. No, sometimes ladies get, I've seen a finger. This one's surprising. I don't think you'll get this one.

No. Neck? Neck. What? That's like hard, impossible to cover. Yeah, that doesn't sound right to me. But it was on a website, so I'm not going to. So it's legit.

You know that was on the biggest tattoo regrets.com. Yeah. Neck. Yeah, that was. You can't cover it. Oh, I see. Yeah, right. though I think that's an interesting fact

but is it fun Jess? I think it's bloody fun six one six one in favour of fun Matt well done you are getting really good at this fun fact thing yeah look you know I think it just shows that when you put your mind to something you can achieve fun facts

proud of you can do that well I think the funest fact of all will be whether Jess reveals whether or not she will be getting a tattoo live on the program because downstairs you're not aware of this we have a trained tattooist ready to go What?

It is Matt giving his first go. Yeah, I'm not trained. How hard can it be? Come on, Matt. That's what I was thinking. Like, I've read so much about it recently. I know about dermisers, epidermases, that third dermis one. You know how to say the word bicep?

Correct. Bicep. And I'm not, I'm going to be putting it on my biceps, so we're safe. Okay, great. No, it hasn't put me off, actually. Rib cage? No. Where are you going to get it?

And what's it going to be? I've just drawn it on myself before because I was so bored by your dumb report. You're right, the anger's never far away, is it? Yep, it's always there. Oh, I'm so worried. And you've drawn it on your right wrist. Yes. But did you draw that just because you're left-handed and that's the better draw?

Oh, good point. Did you get it tattooed? I would put it on the right, though, yes. Why right wrist? I don't know, just because that's where I like it. And there's two little arrows. Can you tell us about that? It almost looks like a rewind symbol.

Oh, yes. It's kind of what it looks like. The two triangles. They're pointing up, basically, but on the side it would be like rewind. And it's a Viking symbol that means a, create your own reality. How did you come across that? She's super wanky.

I found it on the Pinterest. I found it on the internet. I would Google that the hell out of that just to make sure. Oh, I know, for sure. Yeah, I would look into that. But I like it because... Oh, it was cool. Like, last year was sort of the first year that I actually tried anything in my life ever

and actually took opportunities and it worked well for me. So it's kind of like a reminder of me to keep going, buddy. You're okay. That's good. Oh, that is a gross way to finish. We can't finish on that note. It's so positive. Jess, give us some hot.

I'll be a bit angry about it. Could you, I reckon drop Paul McCartney a line about it as well. Yeah, probably, yeah. Hey, Paul, can you draw us a couple of arrows? Yeah. Just like this. Pretty much just send us to this. Can you just email the attachment back?

Yeah. That'd be great. And I can claim you, you were art director of my tattoo. Was Paul McCartney. Thank you, Paul McCartney. Kind regards, Jay Perkins. Yeah, dickhead. Because the anger's never fire away.

I'm very worried now that I, have anger issues that you guys hadn't told me about before. Don't get her worried, Dave. You know that's when she gets crazy. Yeah, she gets angrier and angrier. And Matt, how about you thinking, would you, you're going to get your, are you inspired to get yours finished? Yeah, I have been permanently inspired.

Let's all go together. Yeah, I'm in. Let's do it. Let's go get some vegan tattoos. Yeah, sick. Well, there you go, guys. Jess is going to get her tattoo. Matt is maybe going to finish his tattoo after.

How many years has been? Something like 10, I should. 10 years. And I am still pretty happy with my zebra keyboard, George. So thanks so much for listening, guys. Let us know. Do you have any dumb tattoos? Tweet us in at DoGoOnPod.

You can email Do GoOnPod at gmo.com. And we are on the land of Facebook as well. Yeah. Send us pictures of your tattoos too. They don't have to be dumb. You can be really proud of it too. You said like, do you have any dumb tattoos? You've got a good one.

Send that too. Yeah, that's probably more positive. Yeah. If you do that probably hashtag it keen for pain. just so we can search it a bit easier. Keen for Paine. Here's a tattoo of like Mickey Mouse or something on their back. Well, thanks so much for listening, guys.

I'll be back next week with a report that I'm excited about. I hope you will be too. But until then, take it easy and probably don't get a tattoo in the next seven days. Okay. I was going to say, I probably don't get a tattoo of this podcast. It would be going to be great if someone to do go on. Well, I was thinking like our 100th episode will go get a little tattoo. I'd get it to go on tattoo.

So we only need, what, 80 something more episodes, and we will all definitely get tattoos. Once again, my dad is listening to the show these days. Thank you so much, and we'll see you next week. Bye-bye. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there.

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