Do Go On - 182 - The Barkley Marathon

Episode Date: April 17, 2019

This week we talk about the INSANE marathon. This event is full of secrets, rituals, gruelling climbs and is one of the most physically and mentally challenging events ever. But somehow, this is still a very funny episode! Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPodSubmit a topic idea directly to the hat: http://bit.ly/DoGoOnHat Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] and further reading:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAThOmpYqA8https://www.businessinsider.com.au/barkley-marathons-what-the-race-is-like-2018-8?r=US&IR=Thttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barkley_MarathonsThe Barkley Marathons: The Race That Eats Its Young (2014)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NDZdsqbcGTU Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

And welcome to another episode of Dugo One. My name is Dave Warnocky and I'm here with Jess Perkins, Matt Stewart and a pocket full of dreams. Oh. Which pocket? Can I have a look? Empty him out. Let's see what those dreams are. What dreams are you packing?

Because you're wearing jeans, so there's two pockets of the front, two of the back. Front right. Oh, this is brutal. That is an empty pocket. Sorry, wrong pocket. Oh, it's dreaming about flipping me the bird. Yeah, pulled out the middle finger, the rudest of all fingers. Yeah, I think it is.

Yeah. Let me just go through them. No. No, that's pretty rude, pointing at someone. Hey, because remember when you're pointing to someone, four of your fingers are pointing back at you. Actually, only three in this case. The thumb's pointing up to God.

I'm done a finger gun. Anyway, lost track there, early. Lost track there. Yeah, we did. Yeah, we did. Anyway, over to you, Jess. How are you? Look, fine, thanks.

All good. You're thick, Jess. Yeah. Let the people know. They love to hashtag pray for bub. Yeah, we have been praying for bup all day long. Yeah. It's like all lifelong.

Yeah. I don't, I didn't think. You're a sicko. Yeah, I didn't think I had a low immune system or anything, but I do tend to get sick. I reckon that you do have a bit low immune system? Yeah. I think that's your thing. Do you reckon?

Yeah, I reckon. Do you reckon? Do you reckon it's a bit cool? Yeah, it's a bit quirky. Oh. Yeah, I'd put that on your CV. Yeah, I reckon. Because people love to hire people that are always sick.

Yeah. My last job, my last proper job before I decided to be a full-time piece of shit, creative person, was they had unlimited sick leave. How stupid is that? Smart. Bad choice. That's real smart. Because otherwise people have to go to work when they're sick.

Yeah. And then they infect all the other. the worker bees who they're just using there to make money in this ringing them out, these worker bees. Yeah, that's right. I'm a communist. Wow. I read a pamphlet yesterday.

Oh. And it's all changing here. Those pamphlets are pretty convincing, aren't they? Yeah, yeah, they are. What did it say? Said, oy, wake up, sheeple. Whoa. I feel like I've been dreaming.

And then it said, now that I've got your attention. I said, sorry to call you a sheeple. I didn't mean that. Oh. really that I was out of line. And that's page one. Then it says PTO. Which means Pern.

Please. What does it page? Please turn over. Is that what it is? Wow. Okay. So what I did was I please turned over. And on the other side it says, boy, can we wrap for a bit?

I just want to chat with you. Is that cool? I'm like, yeah, pamphlet? Lay it on. me. They've really changed tactics. Yeah, they did. Yelling, trying to get down.

That was a picture of a guy with a sitting on a chair back to front, hat back to front. I was like, what is this topsy-turvy world going on here? Everything's up, is down and black is why? What's going on? And they said, yeah, down with the capos, those capo scum dogs, they're ringing you dry. And it said, I don't mean to get too angry. I'm sorry again that I raised my voice. Is this a different pamphlet?

Same pamphlet. Different page. Different page. Okay, you've perned it over again. I've turned it one more time. Yeah, it's a three-sided pamphlet. Thank goodness. It says, anyway, look, I want to level with you.

We're all in this together. Sign up today. And yeah, that was it. And I'm a commie for laugh now. I probably should look into more what it means. I know that there's something to do with having some sort of a sigh. Is that right? I understand that right?

Scyth? Sickle. Sickle. What's a sithe? Is that the thing that the death has? Yeah. Yeah. They're different.

Matt. I've just realised that now. Anyway, what are we doing here? I have so many questions about your new found faith. But, Dave, could you tell people what this show is? Well, can I, before we do that, I don't want, I mean, maybe the communists will object to this, but I think we've still got some tickets to sell for our final Melbourne Comedy Festival podcast. We're given them out for free.

Absolutely not. Hey, if you're there in the room, we'll give you how ideas for free. I'm going to give you some beige clothes as I understand it. We all wear beige now, okay? And we all work for the common good, which is podcasting. Oh. That's right. What do we eat?

Slops. Of? Slop. Slop. Slops of slop. What do you mean? Slops? Is that like a, does that mean, is that the equivalent to a bowl or something to you?

one slops of French fries, please. Is that what you mean? No. Slops of what? I mean, slops, usually like, leftovers. Yeah, it's everything. The common good food. Everyone empties their fridge into one big fridge.

Yep, and then we slop it up. Big blender, the communal blender. That's what communism is. It's everyone has a shared bathroom. So, yeah, tickets available to our Melbourne International Comedy Festival show at the European Beer Cafe. It's right. It's the final one. We've done three now.

Absolutely great fun. And, yeah, we actually have a special guest this Saturday. Carl Marks. And he's going to... No. Sadly, he cancelled. He's unreliable. It's a bit flaky.

Yeah. Well, actually, it's the car marks of the podcasting world. If you can compare beard for beard. And that is Nick Mason from the weekly podcast. The internet celebrity himself. Such a good get. I can't where we're going to sit near him. Yeah, wow.

Oh, I'm too nervous. People are going to look at us and go, are they all friends? Well, I didn't, I don't know if we should tell people that, but he will be there in hologram form. Oh, I see. That makes me more comfortable. He's driving a tram that day, so he couldn't make it. So we'll hear intermittent ding-dings. Yeah, he's live streams in.

That can be fun. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea one day. I don't think his bosses would like that very much. Oh, yeah, we should. That's on the download. Don't tell the tram authorities. Never. And remember to touch on.

at our gig. Yeah. That's got to be a local dialect thing there. No, I think people should just touch on. People touch on across the world. Yeah, communism. Oyster card, mate. Dave got that yelled at him one time in London.

In London, yeah, a very busy tube station in London, Victoria Station, one of the busiest ones I have there. And going down to the underground train, and everyone just scans their oyster car, which is the card that gets you through a gate. And there's thousands of people going through, and I get to the front, and it's not opening. It's not opening.

It's not opening. And I'm looking at the lady like, what the hell? What the hell? And she just yells at, Oyster card, mate. Use your oyster card. I was using my hotel room. And somehow it wasn't working.

Sounds like a, like a Yoda or something. Use the force. Use the oyster card. Because I was looking around, like, I was pissed off that it was like, p. Looking at the person behind me, can you believe this, mate? Can you bloody believe this? And my hotel room's not opening.

Oh, come on. Who are all these people lining up to get in there? I need to ship. I'm in there! I've been eating, I've been predomering all morning. Big prep. You're a predhead. I love it.

I probably had a Greg snossage rolls. Snossage? Yeah, I love a snoss. Yeah, okay. Anyway, in summary, come this Saturday if you want to hang out with us and Nick Mason at the live podcast. That's right. And it's also the last week of my show, Bone Dry.

and it's been going so well. I've met a lot of listeners. Most nights there's one or two or three or even four. Well, we've broken four for you. Maybe not. I just want to try to make it sound cool. It has also turned from a very good stand-up show into more of a kind of lecture.

Yeah, that's right. Some ideologies. Hi, guys, underneath your seats, you'll all find a pamphlet. Yeah, look. Turn it over and have a quiz. It seems to be a bit of a running theme with shows this year. There's a few that are kind of presentations. Yeah.

And it's good that you're up there with them. That's right. I smell a Barry. Talking about communism and the life of a soy boy, right? Yeah. How to be a soy boy in communism. Yeah, it's hard. And that shows on at Chinese Museum at 7 o'clock last year.

So Wednesday, it's a Thursday. Five shows left. It's been real. It'd be great to see you there. And most of the shows are getting close to sign out, so get on it. Do go on for a discount code. Oh, I won't. I won't be there.

And you can come along, buy a little pin of my head or a primates beanie's beanie. No, thank you. All right, we've got match too, mate. But we're not pushing on the people, you non-commy dog. But if you do come to our live shows, we do have t-shirts for sale. Yeah. They're sick t-shirts of the globe. And, you know, what we could do if we all came together.

Yeah, and bought a t-shirt. Yeah. For the greater good. Yeah, it's the uniform. It's like our version of beige. Yeah. Beige. beige.

Anyway, let's start the show. probably added all that out, Jess. So what this show is is it's three friends, obvious friends, getting together, chat and rap and keeping it real. What's wrong with you today? I've done too many gigs tonight and I feel weird. You're on. Yeah, I really need you to tap off.

Were you doing this as the key? Oyster card, mate. Get out. So each week, one of us does a report on a topic. This week, Jess is doing the topic. Dave and I don't know what it is. We normally get on to the topic with a question. Jess, what is the question tonight?

The question is, which sporting event is named after a farmer from Tennessee? Tennessee, Joe. Oh, Joe Sting. Yeah, Joe Sting. Jockies. Okay, wait. So give me his name again? I haven't given you his name.

Oh, okay. Named after a farmer from Tennessee. Okay. It's named after. Frisbee? Ultimate Frisbee. His name was Greg's Ultimate Frisbee. Sporting a VIII.

So it's not a sport. It's like a... It wasn't Bill DeCathlon? You're not going to know it. Mitch Rose Bowl. Oh, is it some sort of a bowl man? No. Okay, Super Bowl.

If I say he's named, do you want to have a guess? His name's Barry Barclay. Oh, the Barclay, that crazy long race. Yes. The Barclay. Marathon. Marathon. You sure it's not the Barry Jig?

Yeah, named after Barclay. Or is his name Barry Barclay? Barry Barclay. Is it really Barry Barclay? That's great. Is his name really Barry Barbar? Yeah. Barbar.

For short. No, I reckon people just call it Barry. Distant relative of the round mound of rebound? The first three letters of both of his names are Barr. Okay. That's weird. Mystery episode. Yeah.

That is the theme of this episode. I mean, now you've said it, I've heard of it, but I don't know if I would have got there. That's interesting. It's a little tidbit there, which is a little fun fact, and I thought, this will throw them. Right, but is the topic of today's episode, that marathon? Yeah, the Barclay Marathon. Cool. And it's wild.

And I do want to say, as well, I have been sick for the last few days. So writing this, I wasn't a lot of cold and flu stuff. So I'm pretty sure it's fairly coherent. It's got a good flow, you know, but. Orinoco flow? Obviously. Thank you. So we'll see.

So a bit of a backstory here for you. In 1977, a good year. James Earl Ray, the man convicted of assassinating Martin Luther King Jr., escaped from Brushy Mountain State Penitentiary in Petrus, Tennessee, along with six other inmates. They were recaptured three days later, and despite having been out of prison for 55 hours, James Earl Ray had only made it about eight miles or 13 kilometres

due to the thick and rugged woods that surround the prison. And upon hearing this story, a man named Gary Lazarus Lake Cantrell. Sorry, hang on what? Is that like Gary Lazarus Lake? Yes. Okay, right. Because otherwise his parents were smoking some goods. He goes by Laz.

Upon hearing this story, he said, I could do at least 100 miles. Mocking James L. Ray's low mileage. He only got eight miles away, 55 hours. That is low mileage. It's quite low. Yeah, big time. And thus, the Barclay Marathon was born.

Along with his friend and running partner, Carl Henn, who goes by Raw Dog, they decided to put on the race in Frozen Head State Park in Tennessee. Where'd Barclay coming to this? It's just a friend of Lazars. A friend of raw dogs. Raw dog. He sounds like he kind of got to drink a few mother cans, right? He'd be into crusty demons and sort of stuff.

Raw dog. Sounds like he's only got one eye. And the other one was lost in some sort of extreme accident. Yeah, playing darts. With himself. With firecrackers. Roll dog. He sounds badass.

Yeah, I mean, I have been looking for a new nickname. Well, we're not going to call you raw dog. I was thinking Lazarus, like. We'll call you something. puddle. Yeah. Oh, okay. Piss puddle.

Piss puddle. Pee. Who's our little piss puddle? So, Laz and Raw Dog intentionally designed the race to be surrounded by secrets. Oh. The registration process is largely unknown. The race does not have an official website or an email address or anything to make the process easy. The limit is 40 runners and usually it fills up really quickly the day that registration

opens. But you don't know what day it opens. No. So Matt Mahoney is an ultra runner. He's attempted the Barclay 15 times but never finished it. He explains on his website that if someone wants to enter, they must get a person who has run the race before to reveal which day of the year to send an application to last. And I found a link on Matt's website to the entry form for 1995 and some of the details have changed. But the form gives you an idea of the kind of

attitude, the whimsy of the race. This is what it says. This is how it starts. It says, put this down, get away from it. You're holding a one-way ticket through the portals of hell. One way in and only one way out. The Barclay is not the most imposing 100-miler. Only 2,000 feet separate the highest and lowest points.

Yet somehow, year after year, nobody finishes. Why? Because eventually everybody quits. Maybe it's the endless gut-wrenching climbs. Maybe it's the leg-wrenching descents. Maybe it's the sore breeze and blackberries. Maybe it's because the Barclay is truly man against the mountain. We don't have the cute little glow lights every hundred feet.

If you can't find you where, you shouldn't be in the woods. No gourmet stands every half mile. You're lucky we put out water. Where is the water? There's two water stops. Whoa. On how long of a run? 20 miles per loop.

I'll get to that. So the Barclay, this is still on this application form. It hasn't got to the application part yet. This is just a pre-ramble. Okay. It says the Barclay is not for the pretty boys. The Barclay takes away your sp-ha. Where are?

Damn it. I'm thinking about joining. Until now, it sounds so appealing. Yeah. I love having a bad time. Put this down. Oh, I won't. I won't.

I'm a pretty boy. I won't put it down. Yeah. Oh, it's not for pretty boys. Well, fair enough, then. Good day. The Barclay takes away your speed and leaves you a struggling shadow of yourself. The Barkley runner must be tough.

A thousand foot per mile elevation change exacts a heavy toll. A lot of it's written really well. He must be savvy. Finding your way with the map is easy if you know how. Knowing where you are on a remote mountainside at night requires no little skill. He must be self-reliant. At the Barclay we provide a venue and render it reasonably safe. safe. The rest is between you, the mountain, and that little voice inside you that says,

Mommy, it's too hard. I want to quit. Wow. It's fucking mental. How does it know that voice exists in me? Do you have that voice? Yeah, every day. Mommy. And some of these things have changed since, like in 1995, it said the time limit was 36 hours,

but that was because, oh, sorry, it was 55 miles in 36 hours or 100 miles. in 60 hours as your time limit. The location is Frozen Head State Natural Area. Don't ask if you can't find the park on your own, then you don't belong out there. Like just find us. The requirements, rigorous requirements must be met.

No women, they are too soft. This has since changed and lots of women have competed. I just want to point that out now. Physically, too soft to the touch? Yeah. You were just saying off pod. Well, this is going to sound weird. You've never touched a woman's face.

Wow, that was in confidence, Jess. Let me just stop you there. I will not allow you to provide any context. Jess, do go on. Thank you. No children. They are too small. No Californians.

This race is not cool. No soccer fans. Soccer sucks. No Marines. They don't biodegrade. No Yankees. We don't want them buried here. No wimps.

worms, slugs or weenies. They don't got what it takes. I mean weenies, why would weanies be entering? I don't know. Until now, the we're like, of which I count myself, we're like, this is great.

Filling everything in. Sign me up. Yeah, I'm not a Marine. Don't worry about that. I reckon the slugs. If you release the slugs, I reckon they'd be able to do this. Release the slugs.

Not in the time limit, which I'll get to. Oh, right. Yeah, that's the thing about slugs. They take their bloody time. Yeah. But they get results. Get the job done.

Yeah. It says, and most of all, no health fascists. We encourage smoking during the race. And then all entrants are required to complete an essay on why I should be allowed to run in the Barclay. Oh, okay, so you have to be smart as well. If it's your first time, you've got to put in an essay. And then it also has a little note for what to put in your essay.

It says, include discussion of all issues involving decorative wood shavings, unnecessary surgery, uninspected poultry, shampoo, duck, costumes, reptiles, investment bankers and unwanted hairs. You have to reference all those things. All those things. And then you send your entry to Idiot at 233 Union Ridge gives an address there. It's a real hazing sort of procedure. You feel like your name, age in, and it says in brackets in Macurian years,

and a year on Mercury takes 87.97 Earth days. So you're going to put that in. Okay. Your address, sex, yes or no. Yes, please. Sign me out. Hat size and favourite parasite? No, thank you.

And then it has like this little disclosure as well where it says, I know the Barclay is a grueling, grim, and hazardous event with minimal opportunity for success. I swear to operate strictly within safe parameters. Responsibility for myself is entirely my own. And then that sounds like a real sellout at the end there. Yeah, yeah, they, the lawyers got involved.

But the thing is, right, so every year hundreds of people apply and only 40 are accepted. If they're accepted, an entrant receives a letter of condolence. And those letters usually tell races that a bad thing awaits. Right. So if you get rejected, do you get a congratulations letter? Yeah. You've been rejected.

I don't think you just don't hear at all. But that would be good. Congrats. You're safe. Yeah. It tells you to get ready for unexpected periods, extended periods of unspeakable suffering, at the end of which you will ultimately find only failure and humiliation.

I mean, it all does sound. It does sound fun. And cheap, the entrance free to the race is $1.60. Okay. Wow. New entrance. That's in $9.95? No, this is still now.

Okay. So new entrance, first-time runners or virgins as they're called. Virgins. I haven't even had sex. Yes, please. They ticked no. No, thank you. New entrants are required to bring a license plate from their state or country as part of the entrance fee.

So at the start of the race, like they sort of stood up this little camp area and there's just all these license plates hung around all over the place from different states and countries. What are Yankees, by the way? That doesn't just mean Americans? Well, that means Northern Americans or what? Because they said no Yankees. What do they mean by that?

Yeah, do they mean people from the north, maybe? Right. I don't know. Huh. Or no baseball, no New York Yankees. Yeah, maybe it's no New York Yankees. Right, okay. return or veteran races are required to bring another item as part of their entry fee

which changes fairly often based on what Laz needs so for a while it was they had to bring a white shirt and then he had heaps of white shirt so that it was a pair of socks or a flannel shirt or whatever he needs they have to bring that so yeah the entry fee is starting to go up dollar 60 plus a white shirt yeah I mean you'd rather get the socks than a white shirt yeah yeah how many white shirts do you need yeah but then one year So I watched this documentary, which followed the 2012 race. And that year it was flannel shirts, which meant he got 40 new flannel shirts. And did they interview the Laz?

Yeah. Does he see? What's he like? He's, and I actually have, I've painted this more like it's insane. And it is insane. It sounds like a joke. Obviously, it is a little bit of a bit of tongue in cheek. It's incredibly tongue in cheek.

But people actually enter. It's not like, this is actually impossible. No, no, no. People enter and people do it. It's crazy. But he is quite endearing, and he was like an ultra runner in his youth, like has done all sorts of runs all over the world, or definitely all over America. And, yeah, interviews with him, it's quite funny.

Like, he's talking about why the entrance fees only $1.60, and he's like, you know, if anybody complains, I can just laugh at them. Like, it's, you know, you've come here, you want to do it. If you've previously finished the race, done all five loops, and I'll get to that in a sec, if you're a prior finisher and you return to run again, you have to submit a packet of camel cigarettes as part of the registration fee. And race bibs, so they're given different race bibs, and race bib, number one, is always given to the person deemed to be the least likely to finish one lap.

And they are called the human sacrifice. So number one, always goes to the human sacrifice. you're still accepted, but they are very confident that you're going to fail. And usually they do. Why, I miss that, why do they, are confident you fail? Generally, it's just because you don't have enough experience. Right. So they're like, they'll pick someone who's definitely not going to finish.

Yeah. That's funny. But some have finished. You said usually they don't. People have finished. I don't think the human sacrifice has ever gone to win it. Right. So since 1986, which was the first race, only 15 runners have completed it.

Wow. And they consistently do this every year. Yeah. Wow. There wasn't one in, I think, 2002 or something. Did Luz not need anything that year? No, the park was closed. Oh, right.

I don't remember what year it was now, actually. I think it was 2002, but yeah, pretty much every year. No GPS devices of any kind are allowed on the race. just a map, a compass and a watch so that you can keep track of your 60-hour time limit. So runners have to carry their own food, water, lights, other necessities with them. And depending on how much water they bring with them, they generally have to wind up drinking from streams and stuff as well, just filling their bottles from streams. Since there's no official rulebook, nothing tells runners what they should or shouldn't do

leading up to the race. but they're informed that within Frozen Head State Park, races are only allowed to train on the trails. That means participants can't prepare for how rough the full experience will be. Because, and I think I get to it later, but like the part of, I think it's about a third of the actual race track that they use is on a trail and the rest is just...

Like through the bush. Yeah. It's not marked at all. Yeah. Yeah, that feels kind of impossible. You'd feel like there's a lot of luck involved. Well, the races arrive the day before the event and they get to see one official course map

that marks the route for the year and then everybody else has to just copy it onto their own maps. Right. So when you say it's impossible, I mean, there's one map that you just have to copy and copy perfectly. How are they tracking that they're sticking to this route? It sounds like you just go. Compass.

But how do you know if you've actually stuck on the route? Are they being watched? No. They pass through different checkpoints? Yes. The race begins, I'll get to that in two seconds. The race begins and ends at this large yellow gate, which is the only place runners can receive aid,

tape up blisters, replenish food, take a nap, whatever they need. And the race can start any time between midnight and midday on the Saturday. They don't know what time it's going to start. So Laz will blow a conch shell. Oh, that is so great. At any time between midnight and midday, he'll blow that, and it means that the race is going to start in an hour.

And Matt, the man of a thousand noises, can you just remind us what a conch sound sounds like? Yeah, I blow conchers all the time. It doesn't normally signify the start of a race, though. What do you usually signal? Normally that just means that I'm, I've got something to say. And it sounds like? Wow.

That would wake me up. Yeah, yeah. Get me running. Well, I've got something to say. Of course. Go back to bed. What are you doing that? Just practice.

Practising my conch. I did this every night at 1am. Yeah. I got something to say, practicing my conch. Back to bed. Contch practicing starts now. So it could be 1 a.m. That it starts.

They could start in the dark. It could be 10 a.m. Could be any time. So a lot of them, and in every documentary I saw, a lot of them do not sleep well. the night before because they're just waiting for it. So imagine you wake up and everyone's already left. You slept through the conch. Yeah.

That would be... How do you miss the conch? Oh, no. That's so true because he also don't know how early you want to sleep because you wouldn't want to, you wouldn't want to be up all day to midnight and then the race starts when you haven't had to sleep. So you want to sleep early, but how early? If it's going to be a midnight run, you'd probably want to sleep at six.

But it's tricky. Yeah. You've got to roll the dice there. It's a big advantage if you pick that right. Yeah. Or if you're good friends with Laz. Yeah, that's right. I'm suggesting he's dodgy.

Oh. All right. He picks his favourite and he goes, we're kicking off at three. Is there another one that's not his favorite and he lies? Yeah. Don't worry. Midday. Don't worry about it.

Yeah. Sleep in. Go back to the hotel. We'll see you tomorrow. Yeah. Get here about nine-ish. Yeah. Do some stretching.

Call back into your tent, pretend you're there all nine. And then we'll kick off for a midday. If that suits you. That's right by you. I thought you should be. Now the race, like so many official marathons, starts with Laz lighting a cigarette. That's the official start.

The Boston Marathon, New York Marathon. He's always there lighting that siggy. And now I'm starting to understand why women aren't allowed. This feels like men being mean. Yeah, a conch. Wow. Conch and a siggy. All right, no, ladies.

Fellas, we weren't flying a wish of. Just the boars. I don't know what year women were allowed in. I'm not sure. Anyway, so the course itself, which has changed distance, route and elevation many times since its inaugural run. It currently consists of a 20-mile or 32-kilometer, unmarked loop with no aid stations except water at two points along the route.

And in the mountainous area, weather can also be very volatile, so there can be intense winds, hail, snow, ice, and Laz were calling one year when the water stations were just massive blocks of ice. That's all they could get. So the first two loops are run clockwise, then loop three and four are run counterclockwise. Then on the final loop, the first person to start the loop chooses which way they want to go, and every runner after them alternates between clockwise and counterclockwise. Now I know it's an American thing because you're saying counterclockwise.

Yeah, anti-clockwise. We're going counterclockwise. Yeah, okay, what we're going to do is we're going to go counterclockwise here today. Thanks so much for joining the race here. Where are you from? I'm from America. Yeah, but whereabouts? I think you know where I'm from.

Answer any more questions, but thank you so much for coming along here today for the race. So we're going to be going counterclockwise. First two clockwise, then we're going to go. Does he sound like Owen Wilson? Counterclockwise. He does say that and also when you're saying counterclockwise, you're motioning your hand in the clockwise way and when you said clockwise you went any clockwise.

Well, I see what you're mistaken there. To you, I'm a mirror. Okay? I'm in America. It's all backwards there. Here. Here or there. Yeah.

Cabbage? Yeah. Thank you. I think Matt's had a breakdown. again. I'll just continue. If you manage to complete the third loop, it's referred to as a fun run. It's a pretty big deal if you make it, seeing as so few people have completed the whole marathon. So the loops are said to be about, they're said to be 20 miles, which is about 32

kilometers, but most will tell you that it's actually more like 26 miles. Oh God, if you're doing that multiple times, which they are, that's... Yeah. Yeah, yeah, but still, you think that they would vaccinate. No, I mean, they don't really factor anything in. Do they even walk the route themselves before? Or do they just go, then you go on that bush? No, they walk it before.

They don't walk the route. They root the root. They're real, man. They bloody. Is rooting an Australian thing? Yeah. Yeah, we root a lot of here. We do a lot of reading.

So if it, they say it's 20, but it's more like 26, which actually means if someone completes the whole race, they've actually covered distance more like 130 miles rather than 100, which is about 210 kilometres. That is so insane. That's a big jump. And the fun run alone, so the three loops would be about 78 miles or 126 kilometres. So it's huge. And you have a time limit of 60 hours to complete all five loops, which is an average of 12

and a half or something per loop. And this answers your question from a format. So in addition to running it, competitors have to find somewhere between 9 and 14 books along the course. The exact number varies each year. And they have to remove the page that corresponds to the running the race bib that they're wearing. Right. And they have to have that, they have to present those at the end of the loop, Las Council.

So that's proof. That's proof that they've done the whole track. Has anyone ever fuck someone else over by getting number 10 halfway through and just throwing it into a bush? Oh, yeah. Imagine that. You get to the book and someone's already ripped your number out. Your page is gone.

I feel like this is a gentleman's wrong. race, day. Yeah, yeah. It does feel a bit like that. I mean,

these people are very trustworthy. I bet you Laz is a big fan of Hemingway. He's got a real Hemingway vibe about him, right?

Real man, books, cigarettes. Books, cigarettes. Books, chagorretch. That's good stuff. Yeah.

It's a real vibe for this country. Yeah. It's God's country. They get a new race number at the start of each lap,

so they have to then get a different page from the books. So you're not just, you can't just have the same 10 pages and be like, see, I did it. Did it again. Did it again.

Got a few logistics really for Laz to set up here. Yeah. It's quite a bit. A lot of the books also have titles that Laz finds funny for the event. Titles like, What Did I Do Wrong and the End and a lot of mountain related titles. That is funny. It is a good, it's a good fun.

Mountain related. Mountain related. He's a real. God, this laughs. He's a cook! But also, you're ruining good books. Yeah. What are you doing?

Stop ripping out the pages. Don't doggie in them. Get a bookmark. He might be a big Kindle guy. Yeah, he strikes me as a big Kindle guy. If you saw a picture of him, he'd be like, oh, yeah. He's got an iPad mini. I mean, that has 40 flannel shirts.

Yeah. One year he wanted Kindles. He'd never look back. No, he's got so many. He's got 10 in each room of his house. Wow. He's got four rooms in his house. That's all I have. I didn't know if this girl was doing well.

How many rooms have I got in my house? Oh, we're not, no, room doesn't mean butler's pantry. Room is just any full-willed part of them. Hey, not my parents' house, okay? I'm out on my own now. Oh. Okay. Yeah, her butler's pantry is slightly smaller.

Yeah. And so is the butler. Yeah, I've got a little butler. Yeah. It's a puppy dog. Oh. Puppy dog butler. That's real cute.

That's a sitcom. That's a sitcom. Nobody steal that. That's cute. Matt, we're going to be rich. Bob and the Beagle Butler. Oh, stop it. So the course loop runs through terrain features that Lazz and others have given nicknames like rat jaw, testicle spectacle, and checkmate Hill.

And the course changes every year. So even if you've done it before, you can't really remember exactly how it was. But is there always a testicle spectacle? Yes. Because once you come up with that, you're not given that. Stop making a spectacle of your testicles. Or is it like glasses? Like someone's dropping their balls on someone's nose.

So it's like they're wearing someone's balls like glasses. Is that what it is? We've all done that. But only it's a tree that looks like someone's putting their balls on someone's eyes. That is cool. This is so badass. It's pretty right. And, yeah, and like I said before, there are some trails through the park, but at least two-thirds of the course is off-trail.

So there's a lot of climbing involved, and it's mostly uphill. Right. I have a pretty wild fun fact that I'm saving until the end. Yes. Sizzle. Maybe it's not that good. It's pretty interesting. Anyway, in an article that I read on Business Insider,

Do you guys know that's the thing? Yeah, I've been in there. They interview a woman named Amelia Boone, who works as an attorney for Apple, and is a three-time champion of the world's toughest mother competition and a Spartan race world champion. So she's pretty badass. She competed in the race last year with the goal of becoming the first woman to complete the Barclay. And she said, of the people that tend to run it, everyone's really smart.

There's lots of scientists and lots of really big data geeks. It's all these people who really haven't failed that much, if at all, and they come to this race that has a 99% failure rate. And that's backed up by Laz as well. In the doco that I watched, he said the same thing, that these people are all quite successful, many of whom have won championships in various events. And the appeal is there that they'll most likely not make it through this race.

So it's like it's the ultimate challenge to them. They're almost getting bored with success. Yeah, they're like, oh, just keep winning. So they're just failure to it. Yeah. I wonder what it's like. They're going and everybody starts sort of hoping that they'll make all five. But like most people don't make it past one.

Right. Yeah, I mean it sounds like even just distance-wise, it's brutal. It's to five-lips. It sounds like a fucking nightmare. It's like the last thing I could ever think to do for fun. Yeah. Go to the movies. For 210 kilometers.

Like read a book. Would that be funny if I was deciding? That's some high achievers? Like, I've achieved everything I want. This weekend, what do I do? The death race? Or watching when Harry met Sally. Watch when Harry met Sally.

Okay. Order a pizza. Oh, this is sounding great. Oh, I'll have what she's having. I was watching the doco. That's a good bit. Pizza. That's a line from a movie called Harry Met Sally.

When? Which you'd know if you just fucking lived a little and watched a movie. Yeah, it's going to be a car. Oh, I love to be outside. Outside is cold or hot or sticky. Are you outside watching a drive-in movie or like a float-in movie? Then, okay, maybe. A dive-in, I think they're called it.

A dive-in or a drive-in, sure. But if we're talking... So is my drink. So are the turkey? Take out of someone to say? What does that, what does that mean? Is that about me? Have I done something to offend you, Turkey?

Is that about me? Hold on. So yeah, they're all these incredibly successful people who are just wanting to finally see what failure feels like, which is cute. Yeah. It's like, come talk to me if you want to know about failure. Yeah, just find me around for an afternoon. You'll see. Yeah.

My card gets declined when I try and buy milk. I go, whoop. Watch me stall the car, driving out of the driveway. Watch my partner leave. Please come back. Every day. leaves every day. He goes, I'm just going to work, Jess.

I'm going to get a packet of cigarettes. He always comes back. He always comes back with a packet of smokes because he's a real bloke. I don't think he has a job. It just needs a bit of time. He just needs eight hours away from me. I wouldn't blame him. A guy called Ed Furtour.

That's a good name. Good name, yeah. Who goes by the moniker Frozen E. It's Frozen Head, National Park or whatever. So Frozen Ed. He was the first runner to finish a three-loop race in 1988. So it took three years before anybody even got to three. When it first started, I think it was only three.

In fact, it was. My next sentence explains before Laz decided the race should be five loops. Is that because someone did it? And he was like, it's meant to be impossible. Kind of, yeah. Yeah, right. Not that it's meant to be impossible, but he was like, okay, well, it's possible. Somebody did three.

Let's make it 100 miles. Because at that stage it was like 55 miles or something. Does this guy ever do it himself? No, he's never done it. Yeah, that's... To be fair, when he started it, he was like older already. He'd be in he's like, oh, fuck, it's hard to tell how old he is. He's one of those guys who just hasn't really moisturized much.

Okay. He doesn't have a lady-like face. One of them soft woman is. He doesn't have a soft-looking face. He should ask for 40 moisturizers next year. But he's an older bloke now, so I'm guessing when it started, he was probably towards the end of his running. Right.

Career. Maybe you could ask for 40 pamper packages. Yes. 40 in Dota Spa vouchers. He's going to get a weekly massage and facial. That is what he should be asking for. He is not using it. Flannel shirts.

Come on, mate. Come on, mate. Come on, Laz. What are you doing? Come on, Laz Lake. What is that? What does that mean? Lazarus.

Lazarus Ler's from the Dead Lake. You're writing bits in there. Lazarus rose from the dead Ulysses Lake What does that mean? What is he? There's a lot going on there. Nothing. Ed Fertor, Frozen Ed, he wrote a book about the race titled Tales from Out There.

Oh. He wrote, unlike other ultras in which race management and volunteers do their best to help as many runners finish as possible. Like picking them up in a hammer and driving them. There you go. Barkley is intentionally set up to minimise. the number of finishes while still trying to keep it within the limits of possibility. And Laz says if you're going to face a real challenge, it has to be a real challenge. You can't accomplish anything without the possibility of failure.

That's why on the final stretch the last hundred yards, he's standing there with a shovel. And he will swing it at you. And you have to dodge him. If you don't dodge him, you don't win. Because there's got to be a possibility of failure slash getting hit with a shovel. Thank you. And if you get just past him and then you get cocky, you start to walk again, you'll get the back of you.

Yeah. Okay? It's a long shovel. You'll make a spectacle of your testicles. Flack. Oyo, o'oy, okay, so just to follow,

the thwack was obviously the noise of shovel wakes. And he's got an erection. Really turned him off. Oh, really? Bad timing. Oh, very good timing. I'm on the way up. So in the middle of her second loop,

Amelia Boone realized that her group wouldn't make it back to camp in time to start a third. They could either give up or finish anyway. So Boone no crew finished a loop even though it wouldn't count. And out of 44 starters last year, she was one of just 21 people who even began the course's second loop. Right. So her and her crew, can you bring a crew? No. So more often than not, especially in the first four loops, people tend to work together.

Right. They might not necessarily know each other before that, but they kind of form groups or pairs or whatever, and they do help each other navigate through and find stuff. On the fifth loop, first of all, you're not really allowed to help each other, but also you tend to go in different directions anyway. Let's say you had 10 people, which has never happened on the fifth, but, you know, five have gone one way, five have gone the others. And at different times, it's quite scattered. Right. So in the first one, especially, everyone leaves together. So you probably do end up in little clumps. Yeah.

And you kind of help each other out. Like that Eddie Murphy movie. Daddy Daycare. Still got it. Three to half years later. Trek the third. That'll do, dongy. That'll do.

Is Boone at all related to the great David Boone? I can only assume, yes. It does feel like Booney would be up for this challenge. Great Australian cricketer. Yeah. And also the record holder for most beers drunk on a flight from England into Australia. Was it 52, Dave?

Yeah, something, yeah. 50, 54, some. Cans. Some ridiculous amount of beers. An unhealthy amount for an elite sportsman. Yeah. Was it on the way back? Yeah, maybe.

I assume it wasn't the way over for the series. Well, you never know, though. They didn't eat great back then. So a lot of people sort of like to say that Laz is a sadistic man. The race is a bit cruel. But contrary to the way that it seems, he says that he wants people to finish the race. He says pretty much everybody we see go out there.

You really want them to succeed. You know that most of them won't. There's kind of maybe a dark humor to all the things that go on. Some of the failures are spectacular and really funny. But you like to see people have the opportunity to really find out something about themselves. Beautiful. Bit of a journey. It is.

A journey of discovery, would you say? Who am I? You find out in 100 miles. What am I doing? Why have I done this? I reckon you'd ask a lot of questions in a race like that. I think mine would be... Ow.

I saw one guy in this doco that I watched. He had like headphones in like he was ready to listen to music. And I was like, what device is going to last 60 hours? Give up. He might have a little battery charge pack. That seems like a waste of your space. You've got seven iPads. Yeah, there you go.

His whole backpack is full with one generator. He's just got a computer on his back. with a really long extension league. Really long. So, 130Ks worth. I don't want to spoil anything, but has anyone ever gotten really injured or died doing this?

I'm amazed that no one has died. Because like if there's no, if there's only help at the start and the finish of the loop, if you're halfway in there and you fall over and break your leg in a blackberry bush, what the hell are you going to do? Well, eventually people would be like, well, they haven't come back. and they'd go look for you.

I guess we'll close the gate. The big yellow gate. But, yeah, nobody's died miraculously. And I didn't even really see anything about any serious injuries. Like, their legs are all cut to shit. There's like, I forgot what they called it in the doco. There's like a certain kind of shrubbery. What a shrubbery?

That's really sharp. It's got like really sharp little, what do roses have on them? Thorns. And yeah, yeah, so their legs are all. kind of scratched, but none of them look, like nobody got injured or, it's crazy. Because some of the things I have to climb and stuff, you're like, if you miss, take one bad step, you're fucked. But they're the best of the best at analyzing data.

Yeah. I love the such things. It honestly blows my mind that that lady you mentioned before from Apple. Yep. She's an attorney. She's the world champion and it's something like that. And that's not even her full-time job. I thought to be the world champion of something like this,

like we know when people are like, they do an Iron Man. I think it's just those full high achieving people. Yes. They're just like nonstop. They wake up at 4 a.m. They run a marathon. Then they go to work at Apple and they're the boss of Apple. And then they go home and they get up again, almost instantly.

They get home at 345. They're intense people. Wow. Yeah. It's fascinating. And there's a couple, like, there's one guy in the doco who I'll talk about in a sec, actually. He was kind of returning to to do it again. He'd completed the year

before. And I just didn't like him. I was like, you suck. There was an arrogance around him. He took it very seriously, which is fair. Like, you've got to take it seriously, but like it was almost out of the spirit to me of the event. Yeah, they want you to have, he's saying have a

smoke, we don't want to be. Yeah. Sounds like it's all trying to be a bit silly, but it's But he was just like, this person's going to be my biggest threat. But then they end up working together most of the time. He's like on an episode of Survivor or something. Yeah, yeah. And just the way, he was just quite, he was like way too serious.

And his wife and like his kid and his mom were there, like, trying to help him. They were sort of his support team. And it was just the way he spoke to them and stuff. I was like, oh, I hate you. Yeah. And it feels like the kind of people who are the Uber high achievers are probably often not the nicest people to be around. Maybe, but that's why they achieve so much. But that's why we're so lovely to be around.

Maybe they should try and achieve being nice. Manors don't cost the world, okay? Kindness is free. Yeah. So. Yeah. You piece of shit. How about that?

Yeah. Yeah, we'll cut them down because you achieve too much. That's why I found a beautiful middle ground of being a high achiever, who's also a really nice, great person. And I don't think a lot of people do that. I reckon that's what I'd do if I was then. Be more like me. Do you want to tell him?

Where's the middle ground there? We're going to have to get the trigonometry out again? Yeah, also, which thing are you saying that I haven't done? It's both, isn't it? Yeah. Hey, you are, I was going to say low achiever, but average achiever and a bit of an asshole. I was going to say, you're okay. Yeah, middle ground.

Yeah, I'm saying only a bit of an asshole. Oh, okay, right. Average achiever, average niceness. Yeah, you're an average Joe. That's why I wear beige. We're all going to wear beige. You're wearing black. We're all going to wear beige in the future.

Once I learned what the colour beige is. So it's not black, okay. I'm going to start eliminating what it is before I've found what it is. So many ways you could find out. Bays is another word for another colour. You just don't know which one. Is it orange? Is it orange?

What is it? Dave's telling me, is it orange? Come on. It's green, isn't it? Okay. No clues. is it like the color of a dirty thing? Dirty communist.

I'm not here to talk about your kink, mate. All right, so the full five-loop race has been completed 18 times by 15 runners. So a couple people have done it multiple times. I mean, you've done it. Don't go back. Exactly. That was as of 2019, so this year. It was first completed by Mark Williams in 1995, almost 10 years since the race began.

And Mark Williams came over from the UK. So that doesn't include the first guy that did the three loops. He did the three. I said the full five. And then the organiser was like, actually, reset the record books. No, he's still the first person to have completed it. But the start of this sentence was the full five loop race. Yeah, but I'll just be pissed off. You'd be like, well.

Well, he could have come back and done the five. You can only complete the race you give. I could have done another two that day. Yeah. Well, it still means, I mean, like if you win the 100 meters and then you find out there's another event called the 200 meters, you still won the 100 meters. They're different events.

But if you're Michael Johnson, you go and win them both. And then? Wear golden shoes. Am I thinking the right guy? He's the drug cheat one, allegedly. I have no idea. A lot of 90s athletes, went down to the 90s and noughties.

So yeah, Mark Williams did in 1995, almost 10 years since the race began. And Laz said that once Mark completed the race, it made people believe that this was possible. Because before this, people aimed for the fun run. They aimed for three loops and thinking that the full 100, the full five loop was impossible. So they just do the three. And they'd be like, I'm good. And I need to keep going. I've done it.

But once Mark did it, it was like, oh, shit, this could actually be done. But it was another six years after that before anyone else finished it again. And two guys finished it that year with Blake Wood and David Horton. And David Horton set a new record. And the documentary that I watched, which was the Barclay Marathons, the race that eats its young, follows the 2012 race, which was a pretty momentous event. It was the first time that three competitors finished all five loops.

Whoa, that's basically, I suppose two of them are chasing each other because the last one are in different directions. Yeah, that's true, yeah. So Brett Mourne, M-A-U-N-E. M-A-U-N-E. M-O-N-M-E-M-O-N-M-S-M-M-E. So here's the guy I was talking about before, who I didn't particularly like.

He had already won it in 2011. Oh, bugger. But he came back to complete the race again, becoming the first to complete the race twice, and also beating the record time and finishing in 52 hours, three minutes and eight seconds. So 210K, well, basically the equivalent of that in 52 hours.

Yeah. Do they have sleeps at all? They can. But do you think most people, their tactic is just to keep going? So a lot of them get back to the camp or get back to, yeah, the camp basically, and their support crews have got food and stuff ready for them. They'll change clothes if they need to. Outfit change, ballroom gown, slip into something more comfortable. Especially it's often raining.

So they're getting into dry clothes. or waterproof or they got their little headlamps. They restock their backpacks with food. Some of them sleep, but never for long. But it also sort of depends. Like if you've done your first lap in like eight hours and your second one maybe takes a bit longer nine or ten, you've still got a little bit of time up your sleeve.

So some of them will sleep for an hour and then go again. But there's definitely cases where people do not sleep the entire time. So they're awake for 60 hours. And running for all of it. It's insane. It's crazy. So, yeah, Brett beat the record, 52 hours, which I think it might still be the record.

So he's the worst guy and the best runner. Yeah, he's really good. Well, actually, I don't think he is the best. Oh. Because Jared Campbell came in four hours later. It was his first time competing, and he returned two years later to complete the entire loop once again in 2014 and 2015,

becoming the first man to complete it three times. Right. So I think Jared might actually be the best runner. But he didn't know it fastest, but he's done it the most. He's done it three times. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah, I guess, and once you figure out you can do it,

I guess it's less scary and you just... Yeah, maybe, yeah. And you'd learn from mistakes. There's a different documentary that I watched that just follows one runner, Gary Robbins. And he gets to the fifth loop his first time, and he... he's so sleep deprived, he struggles so much.

This is in 2016. And so he sort of taps out halfway through the fifth loop. So he nearly makes it not quite, comes back the next year and has like the same problem. He gets, he got lost, and it was raining really heavily, and he ended up sort of having to turn around and come back the wrong way. Right. And then he was like, I'm going back next year,

which would have been last year. and I looked it up and he made it to three loops. Oh, they went backwards. Yeah, and I don't think he did it this year. So it's like, I don't know what happened there. Yeah, it wasn't able to quite crack the code. But he was a lot more likable. Right, that's why I like this guy.

Yeah. With the camera crews following him the whole way around? They don't follow him the whole way. A lot of them will have GoPro's on, so they use a bit of that footage. Or the camera crew will go to like a certain point, but they can't follow him the whole time. And about the guy who finished it three times. He's going there to learn what failing is. And he can't even fail the impossible task.

On his first go, he came in second. Damn, it's right. By only four hours. That would have felt like failing them, maybe. Maybe. Just let me fail, please. Body, fail on me. No, just keeps running.

Yeah, my legs just won't collapse. So the other person... He's got a butt that won't quit. There was one other person who completed the Barclay in 2012. There was a guy called John Fegiverese. Figueroeroero. And he was a Barclay Virgin as well, but he made it with just 18 minutes to spare. Oh, sick.

And so in the doco, they're all kind of like, come on, John, come on, John. They're like, how long as he got? Oh, no, everyone's super supportive. And one really cool point that Las makes as well is that when you do get down to like the only being three or four people going, when they get back to camp, it's not just the two or three people they have there supporting them. You've got all of these people who have tapped out but want someone to succeed. So you've got all these people, all these X-Ework.

experts in their field who are like, here, let's do this. Oh, you've got blisters. Here, I've got this thing for that. So they'll help each other. It's actually a really nice sort of attitude community. I picture it's a tend to a real big party. Maybe. They get a bit crazy.

A bit silly. A bit silly. So as of 2018, about 55% of the races had ended with no finishes. That happens quite often, 55% of the time. That's nearly more than half. Or is that more than half? Nearly. Nearly.

Because it's out of 115% isn't it? So close. Yeah. A couple little fun facts to finish up. So when a runner drops out of the race, there's a bugler who plays taps upon their return. You know what they play at, like, military funerals? They play that.

What does that sound like? It sounds like, I don't think it's that one. I don't think it's that one, But it's something. They play The Bugle to signal you failing. Like you're out. Yeah, you're done.

You're quitting. You're out. Bugles, yeah. It's a noble instrument. It started with a conch and I ended the bugle. Oh, that's lovely. That should be the title of one of their books. It starts with a conch and it ends.

Start up with a conch. It's where they'll would end with the bugle. Despite that entry form from 1995 saying, no women, the best women's achievement, is Sue Johnston. She made it 66 miles or 106 kilometres in 2001. She made a fun run but didn't progress any further. Still, go Sue.

Yeah, it's, what an... It's crazy. Achievement in itself. But also, doesn't that really prove that they were right in the first place when she's soft? Too soft. I thought you were the feminist of the pod. I am the feminists here,

and that's what made me hurt to say it. Yeah, well, made me hurt. A couple other things. things. The course record for the slowest distance covered is held by retired computer scientist Dan Baglione, who got lost for 32 hours after covering just two miles of the course. Oh no. In 2006.

I saw an interview with Dan though and he was like, I was got lost. Like he was like, ugh. For 32 hours. He was lost for 32 hours. Took him 32 hours to do. Well, he was, he wasn't just like, he didn't go two miles. and sit down. He was just sort of wandering around and he got a bit off course.

Jeez, that would. That would be way worse than anything else, getting nowhere and take us over to do it. If you're looking at your watch going, all right, if I get back on track now, I still got 57 hours. Yeah. If we get back on track now, I still have 12 hours. All right, Dan. I'm really going to have to hammer at home now.

At what point is he going, are they looking for me yet? And this is my final fun fact for you. and I saved this for the end, but I'm really hoping, even if you're not that impressed, you just give it a big reaction, please. Okay. So... What?

I haven't said it yet. Wait, wait, wait, wait, hold that. Give your powder dry. Because the... Whoa! Sorry, I've gone earlier. Me again. Because the elevation changes throughout the course

mean that finishes experience a total of 120,000 feet of elevation. The equivalent of climbing and descending ever, twice. Go. Oh, whoa. Whoa, whoa. Did you even hear it or are you just waiting for a reaction? Yeah, no, up and down, Everest twice.

That's sick. Isn't that crazy? That's crazy. Just without the snow and shit. Yeah, without the, what do you call that stuff, the high fidelity? Altitude. Altitude. Yeah, without the actual altitude.

But still, an insane distance. Yeah. And the Barclay, it was held just earlier in March this year. and no finishes. Really? I think maybe one person started a fourth loop. So not even close, really. Yeah, no finishes this year.

55% of the times. Isn't that crazy? But it is possible. It's very possible. But, yeah, the number of people, even in that docket that I watched in 2012, like so many people in the first loop were like, I'm done. Yeah, right. And they go, are you sure I'm done?

He'd be like, I knew it would be hard, but not this hard. And then they might do two. There was a guy who came over from Belgium and he was like so lovely and he was so excited. And he did two and he just looked completely shattered. And he's like, I can't. Like you'd think if you got two, you'd maybe push for a third just to get that fun run. He was like, I can't do it. And when they bugled him out, he had a little tear.

It feels like the one loop should have a name as well. Just doing one circuit feels like that should be something. Yeah, I agree. Normal people wouldn't be able to do a single loop. imagine. No way. I'd die. I'd die out there.

I reckon I'd do it, but I'm above average. No, hang on, no, I'm average. Oh, no, I'd die as well. Yeah. I know, I'm below average. You'd probably, you'd make it maybe halfway and turn around. Which is basically a full loop. Yeah, exactly.

So just keep going. I know. I know. But that is my report on the Barclay Marathons. It's absolutely crazy. It does sound like someone will die one day. Yeah. I'm just saying.

I agree. So if anybody's wanting to watch anything about it, there's the Barclay Marathons, the race will eat it's young. That's on Netflix. And it's okay. There's a better... Glowing reviews. Like it's fine, but there's also where dreams go to die,

Gary Robbins and the Barclay Marathons. That's just on YouTube. I know where the dreams go to die. Dave's pockets. Yeah. Hey. Sorry, Dave. That one's really good.

And also I should thank the people who suggested this topic. Oh, yes. It was suggested by Emma Coogan, John Stoddart, and Bradley Dark. Daco. So thank you so much because that was wild. Yeah, thanks for all those people. That is crazy. And I love hearing about it, but it's something that I have no desire to even...

Absolutely not. Yeah. I thought I started out that way, and by the end I'm like, how far is one loop again? Like 32 kilometres. I've never gone that far even in a car. So it would be a step up for me. I think I've run about half that in one go before. Have you?

But that's on like footpaths. So it's a little difference. Not, you don't have to climb anything? No, no climbing, no berries at all. It's been falling to a berry bush. The beauty of falling into a berry bush is you got. Snack. Oh, yeah.

Beautiful snack supplies. Oh, enjoy a little snack. Yeah, so that brings us to the end of that report. And a fantastic reporter was. Thank you. What a journey, which is what it's all about. Remember that, Jess? No, I remember.

So that brings us to the moment of this show, which is so many people's favorites. The moment I've been waiting for. It is the fact quote or question segment of the show. This is where one of our Patreon supporters gets to ask us a question, tell us a fact, or share with us a quote. and in this case it is from Joe Smith who's he's given himself the title because you're allowed to give yourself a title as well these are for our Patreon supporters who are on the Sydney Shineberg

RIP level and this week Joe Smith has given himself the title of I ride a moped so call me Joped I hope that's this whole title you have to say we put that on a little plaque and on his office Oh, hell yeah. One of those little things on his desk as well. Yeah.

You walk in there and it's all moped-related stuff and he's like, I mean, yeah, I've said one thing about a moped. You guys have really gone with that. We're like, all right, Jopet. I didn't think Joped was going to stick, but it did. Not Joped. His title is I ride a moped, so call me Joped, okay? If you don't give him his full title, that's a bit disrespectful. Yeah, I'm so sorry.

And I write a moped so call me Joe Petters Asked a question this week And his question is To the three of us, I suppose I've not read it before If you Okay, not a good start Read two words

One of them was not the right word If each of you Could create a TV show What type of show would it be And what parts would you have The other two members of Do Go On Play? Oh, interesting I mean is this a genuine question

Because my answer would be boring. It would be a late-night talk show. I'd host. Up yourself. Well, no, it's my dream. And you're up yourself. Well, I mean, this is my dream scenario. I'm emptying out my pockets here.

Bit of respect, please. Okay. And I'd have Dave as the bandleader. Jess is my co-hosts. I'm not your co-host. I'm like your Corinne Grant slash Peter Hellier to your Rove McManness, right? Okay.

Like, you're the star, but I'm just a recurring. person there. Yeah. Well, I mean, yeah, it depends. I don't like the pressure of co-hosting. Okay. Well, you can, yeah, you can be like, what's Conan? It's like, Andy Richter.

You can sit on the couch. I sit at the end of the couch away from everyone. Or I like, I like, you could voice the skeleton like, um. Yes. On, on late, late show with, uh, Craig Ferguson. Craig Ferguson. What was that guy's name? It's such a good site.

Fuck, I love that show. Such a good show. You would do a talk show. Dave, what would you do? Probably some sort of horror documentary Oh, horror doc Where I delve into the past of each of you And show you for the frauds you really are

That's horrific, I guess It's called Do Go On Exposed Why would you do that to us? Are we just flashing the camera? Yeah, it's also a bonus DVD feature that is a porno Oh, dogo on exposed That sounds fun for you. Wait, why, where's the horror?

It feels like you started saying that sentence without really. He's ruining our careers. Right. And that's, it's horrific to. There's a few Craig Ferguson skeletons in your own closet. Oh, now I see where your thought process went. Nothing I just conveniently shoehorned that in. It was never going to make that much sense.

I love it. I'd watch that show. Find out all this stuff is in my closet. Hey, you've got to find out the kind of bad. guy you really are. I'm pretty squeaky clean. Don't look. Don't look in that closet.

God damn it. Don't look in there. I've killed a man. A skeleton man. Matt, I've looked in the closet. He's not dead. He's just locked in the closet. Yeah.

Well. Let him out. You panicked and locked him because he thought he was dead. Yeah. Really, he's been living off moth balls. That's not healthy. I don't know what you think moth balls are. They're not moth testicles, Dave.

They're poison for moths. No. No. What have I done? I'm not like this. Don't. I'm not going down like this. Don't do this to me.

And there the horror documentary turned on its creator. Well, it's dug on exposed. We all get exposed. Wow. Even the creator. And Jess. Thank you. Fuck.

It's waiting. I've already said mine before where it's where Matt, it's a sitcom. Your life is in shambles. I take it. you out. Documentary or sitcom? Sickum. Okay.

You're playing from what you know. Yeah. I take you out for a drink because I'm your kooky friend. There's absolutely no sexual tension. I'm just your kooky friend. Just want to put that out there. Make that really clear. Well, I'm starting to feel some tension here.

It's not sexual. But it is not sexual. It's not sexual. Right. And so then we go and crash in Dave's pool house. Yes. Dave is doing incredibly well. But I'm just like a little bit of a loose cannon.

I'm like, oh, and you're just super depressed. And trying to get my life back on track? I guess. But Dave lets us live in his two-bedroom pool house. He's so rich he's got a two-bedroom pool house. That's cool. And nothing but sexual tension from me. Okay.

Towards whom? The butler. Yeah. Okay. Wait, are we allowed to write a new characters to your show? I don't know. I think I'm just thinking of the Seinfeld show inside Seinfeld where he, the court, for some reason the court assigned a butler to Jerry. That was like the setup for the.

That's never been a thing. No, it was his thing. But he's my butler. It was one of the lines in it. Yeah, sure, we can have a butler. That's great. Is Dave also play the butler? Oh, kind of like that Eddie Murphy movie.

What was it called? Shrek the third. I think it was Shrek the halls. So close. I always get this too confused, you know? They're similar, but very different. They are, yeah. Yeah, Shrek 2, back in the habit.

Could I please move on to the next Patreon segment where we thank some Patreon supporters? And everyone who supports us on Patreon, I think, on a certain level and above, they get a shout out. And thank you so much for all the support of the following people. Just you know, and we give us a game to play something sort of thing

related to the topic. So the Barclay Marathons was named after Laz's friend Barry Barkley. Maybe we could use their names to name an event. Okay, great. Does that sound okay? Yeah, that sounds so good.

Dave? I love it. Oh, Dave. I love you. Thank you so much. Matt, you're okay. Firstly, I love to thank from Kingston, Ontario and Canada. Tyler Buller.

Buller. Isla Bula. Bula obviously makes me think of mountains. Yes. Because of Mount Bula in Victoria. But also Bula, the dairy company. Ooh. Who has a mountain on their global, I think.

Okay. Buller, ski resort for cows. That's the event. Ski Resort for Cows. Yep. Is it how many loops? Three. Three cow loops.

All. counterclockwise. What? Counterclockwise? And they just put little skis on the cows, because cows need a holiday as well. You guys, they do. They do. So they moo.

That's the slogan. They moo. Yes. Oh, that's a catchy slogan. Thank you. I don't see you coming up with any ideas. No, that's great. Well, you already did it.

We didn't need to. Thank you so much, Tyler. And congratulations on your new event that's named after you, the cow resort. The great part is Yeah You name the event It's your event But you don't actually have to do it

Yeah It's like our main man You don't have to do it Or be involved in it in any way That's great It's just an honour thing And they give you money Just make it as hard as you

And you just get to demand Whatever you want 40 buckets It's 40 buckets Buckets of what Just buckets Just buckets Okay

I'd also like to think From Hervey Bayne Queensland Australia Barbie Bri Anna Barney Babs, I guess she's probably Oh, wow. Harvey Bay.

Oh, is it with an E and it's pronounced Harvey? Yeah. That's weird. They do things a little bit differently up north. Crazy. Brianna. Brianna. What about the Bab Bash? Oh.

The Bab Bash. I love the Bab Bash. It's like some sort of one of those races where you've got like $200 to spend on the car. Oh, a bad bush bash. Yeah, Bab's Bush Bash. And you have to drive your car through a forest. If you get to the other side, Oh, you'll find out.

Oh, that sounds fun. No one's ever completed it. And one of the quirks of it is you have to have a sheep driving your car. You can navigate, but the sheep has to be driving. That's right. That's cool. I like Babs Bush Bash. Brianna.

Sorry if you don't like being called Babs. That's very possible that you wouldn't. I'm not sure. I like Babs. It's not great. Unless you love it. Then it's the best. It's the best.

Well, I remember. Maybe the full title is Brianna Barney's Bush Bash. But Bihanna Barney's Bush Bash. Brana Barney's Bush Bash. Holy moly, that feels good. It all makes sense. Sponsored by Barocca. Giving you back a baby bounce.

Wow, that's an old slogan. Yeah. From your time, I suppose. I have not. Well, I mean, you don't see ads much anymore, do you? The other day, I had the Dawes Plus song in my head. Doors plus. No fuss.

Bust. Oh, do, do it. A whole day Oh, no fuss Can I thank some people? Yes, please Thank you I'd like to thank

from Medford, New Jersey New Jersey I'm walking I met some from New Jersey And I did that voice to them And they were like, We don't talk like that And they're like, yes, you do

They said, We don't talk like that Hey! I don't think like that And I was like You're like, can you? Everyone's voice doesn't sound the same when you hear it played back. Can you hear yourself?

That's what you say. Whenever I meet someone from New Jersey, I say, I get you guys. Jump on Jovi, Bruce Springsteen, Rutgers, I get it. And they say, oh, he gets us. Well, somebody that you get is Kyle Anderson. Carl Anderson. Mr. Anderson. Yeah, that's what I thought too.

Anderson's. Anderson's Ant Venture, right? Oh, yeah. you with ants. Well, the thing is with this one, they supersize ants, mechanical super sized ants. And you have to ride them up a pole. But the pole is 10 million feet tall. Wow. So you, but you're not doing anything. Matt, I think you'd end up in space. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Sorry. Yeah, that was on me. So all you got to do is the mechanical ant gets all the way up itself. It's going to do that no matter what, but you've just got to stay conscience,

conscious. Fuck, why not try a word that I have trouble with? Conscious. Really? So it's like a real philosophical thing going on in your mind. You got to say conscience. You've got to say Zan. Wow. The whole way up. Has anybody ever made it? Because all the way up, the ants say and stuff like, I'll give you a million bucks if you punch that baby in the face. And you have to say, I won't do that. Not even for a million bucks. That's wrong. Baby's faces should not be punched. And you've got to answer like that. Wow.

For a million, however many feet I said. Ten million? Ten million feet. Feet. Wow. How long does it take? Ant feet. Oh.

So it's actually only a couple feet high. Right. Hold on. Yeah. That's the size of a flagpole. Okay. But you're strapped on the back of an ant? Yeah.

Mechanical ant. Oh, cool. Anyway, any more questions? I think we got this one. Yeah, I think we got that down. So thank you, Kyle. Should I so, sorry to? Kyle.

Kyle. Sorry, Kyle. Hopefully you weren't waiting too long for that. Ant Venture. In New Jersey? In New Jersey. Well, I would also like to thank from Fairpoint Harbor in Ohio. Oh my gosh.

Fairport Harbor sounds lovely. Sounds delightful. Sounds so good. Well, I mean, just say Ohio and I think lovely. And I would like to thank Thomas Fezkas. Oh, Fazekis. That's a great name. Fesicus.

Thomas Fesakis. That's a sweet name. Yep. What do you got? Dave, what do you reckon here? The Thomas Fizekis fastball. Oh. So you've got to throw, it's the fastest ball wins?

Or it's a ball you go to like a dance, but it's over in 30 minutes. Yeah, that's right. It's all speed dancing. Whoever can dance with the most partners in 30 minutes wins. You obviously want to play tactically. You dance with a lot of partners. Yeah. You don't want someone else to dance with too many partners.

So you've got to be like, you've got to be rejecting but also accepting. Tactically. Rejecting and accepting. So it brings all together. The Thomas Fijekis way. Was that close? Fesikas. The Vesikas Fastball.

Unless we're saying that wrong. I feel like we've nailed it. Fizzacus is also DJing. DJ Fasekis. And every single. second song is really hard to dance to. Oh. It makes it even harder.

It just puts on the Zorba. That's easy to dance to. Not at the start when it's really slow. And Matt Ali plays. And once it starts to pick up, he changes it to something else. Yeah. He changes it to Shania Twain. You're still the one that I love.

The only one I dream. Yeah, also nice to tune those two songs for 30 minutes. It's still the one I love. The record is 1100 separate dances. Whoa. And it's held by Thomas Fesekis himself. He was DJing whilst dancing. He's amazing.

He's a double threat. Incredible. Dave, would you like to thank some people? I would love to bring us home thank you by thanking, not one. But two people in one go here. This is a big shout out to Brian and Laura from Colchester in Essex. Well, thank you, Brian and Laura. Colchester, how wonderful.

Well, we don't have a surname there, so we're going to have to use Brian and Laura. Not that that isn't an absolute treat. I don't know if you're related, if you're just friends, if you're a power couple, perhaps. Yeah, I think this one is going to be a space race. Oh. Brian and Laura Space Race? Yeah. Trademark.

Yeah, yeah. So it's the first one to make it to the dark side of the moon, right? Which isn't a real thing, is it? And what they have to do is get there and then make sure they've also got to like bring a big blanket to put make it shadowy. Oh, okay. Is the Dark Siler Moon a real thing? It's a real Pink Floyd album. Yeah, yeah.

That's one of the top five selling albums of all the time. So they've got to get up there. They've got to make an air of the moon dark and then play that record backwards. Backwards. In full. And not a lot of people can sit. through that. No, yeah, that's the hardest part.

That's the hardest part being like, oh, this is a really classic album, but I'm listening to it backward. Surely you could just put it on and then like put headphones in, you know? No, well, that's one of the rules you can. They have to listen to it. You've got to listen to it.

Yeah, that would be tough. Brian and Laura. Well, good luck to Brian and Laura with that. I reckon you'll be able to recruiting people in no time. Thank you. Thank you for your bravery. And finally, I would like to thank from the Australian Capital Territory.

our capital territory. God bless those boys and girls up there. Including Reese Elbrez. Rees Albrez. Elbris arm press. Oh, the Alpress arm press. Well, basically, it's a combination between arm wrestling and a sandwich press. You have to arm wrestle a hot sandwich press.

Sandwich press. It's the longer, the longer you can sandwich press all, a hot sandwich press. Oh, singeing. Yeah. That triangle into your hand so that it becomes two slices. That's right. So your hand becomes a jaffel. I love jaffles.

Yeah. Hit me with a jaffle. All right. Best jaffel, go. Oh, easy. My high school canteen did spaghetti jaffles, like tins a, tin spaghetti in a jaffel. That does sound. pretty gross and good oh so gross and so good i love a baked bean jaffel okay you guys are wild we love

sealing up the canned goods yeah take them out of one can put it in a bread receptacle i like cheese uh slices of tomato yeah mushrooms getting in there with the juices no i hate mushroom oh no i hate you i'll meet you halfway really that's what it took and then herbs a lot of herbs I love a chiszy Your face The last couple of weeks You've pulled out these looks That I've never seen before

Sorry to think it's exhaustion But I'm loving it Festival time's weird I feel like we've all been a little weird today What do you mean? Maybe it was mainly me It was mostly you Maybe it's maybe it's maybe it's maybe

Dave's just been having micro sleeps Yeah He's a tired boy But we're done And it's time for us to get out of here Thank you, Reese Albreast in the sandwich press Oh. Thank you, race.

It's so good. I cannot wait to go home and have it. I don't have a sandwich press, unfortunately. You don't have a jaffel maker. I know what someone's getting for their birth. Life for bread. Yeah. Yeah, we just say good luck.

A fucking reality check. That's what you're getting. Grow up. You're an adult. You don't have a jaffled iron. Come on. And thank you to all the hot doggies that support us on Patreon. Hot Dogg.

You are some great, great people, all of you. The Patreon's voted for this topic, and I put up three options for them, and this one won by one vote. So it was a tight race. But I think they made a good decision because it's a pretty wild story. That's a cool story. And also, one vote, that just shows that if you are a Patreon supporter, you literally can't change the show.

Yeah, big time. You got a big influence. And you can do that if you go to do go on. No, hang on. You go to Patreon.com slash do you go on pod. or you can go to our website, which is dogoonpod.com. You can email us at dogoonpod at gmail.com. You can find us on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram at Do Go On Pod.

And you can also do what else can you, Dave? Give us a five-star review. If you got the chance, it would be super helpful. It would be great. Give us a high-five on the street. Have you seen us? Yeah. Obviously, maybe explain who you are because it's weird if someone just raises their hand at you.

Say hello first. Yeah. But then after that, I'm really happy to high-five for you. And there's links to most of those things in the description of this episode. Also the hat week, anyone can put in topic suggestions if you got them. And yeah, hopefully we'll see you if you're in Melbourne on Saturday for our final Melbourne live show of the year. And yes, as we always say here, I do go on at the finish of the episode. Oh, he's going rogue.

I think I'm just, I'm actually saying what I know. We said at the end of primates. I'm very tired. I reckon we should take it out with a nice big blow of the conch. Okay. Later. People have turned off. Yeah, wow.

Whatever they're listening to, they've thrown it out the window. They've tapped off. They've tapped off. Oy, that God. Bye. Later's. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

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