Do Go On - 187 - Joshua Norton, Emperor of The United States

Episode Date: May 22, 2019

In 19th century San Francisco, Joshua Norton was a wealthy businessman. But he lost it all rice deal gone wrong... He fell off the map for a few years and when he reemerged he was describing himself as The Emperor of The United States. And people just went with it. He started dressing the part and even issuing royal decrees and his city fully embraced him. This is the story of the eccentric Norton I, the first and so far only Emperor of The United States.Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Get tickets to our live shows Thailand in June: dogoonpod.com/eventsCheck out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasReferences/Further Reading:http://mentalfloss.com/article/78329/retrobituaries-emperor-norton-san-franciscos-most-beloved-19th-century-eccentrichttp://www.emperornorton.net/NortonI-Cowan.htmlhttp://www.sfmuseum.org/hist1/norton.htmlhttps://www.history.com/news/the-strange-case-of-emperor-norton-i-of-the-united-stateshttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Nortonhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frederick_Coombs Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

And welcome to another episode of Do Go One. My name is Dave Warnikey and I'm sitting here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. Hello, Dave. Hello, Dave. Hi, guys, how are you? Great to be here. It's great to be the one who's not being shunned for once. I don't know why.

Appreciate that. I've decided to, very early on, start a few. Great. I imagine it's just a pause in any moment now. Hello, Matt. It feels good to be involved. Thank you. Good times.

Good times indeed. Matt, great to have you back after your jaunt in Sydney up on the weekend. Had a lot of fun in Sydney. What a great place. I met a lot of listeners. A lot of cool people. Yeah, how much jaunting did you do, though? It was pretty much non-stop.

Yeah, yeah. You know what Sydney is like. I know what you'll be like. Jonty town. jaunting, get busy. Look at a bridge. That's the two things you do up there. You jaunt, you look at a bridge.

And you come home and you feel better. I saw the bridge in the, yeah, on the ride from the airport to the accommodation. How good is that bridge? It's a beautiful bridge. I'm not going to know about that bridge. So just confirmed we are talking about Sydney Harbour Bridge. No. Oh.

I was actually, yeah. Oh, okay. Which one were you talking about? It's just a little one over a pond in a park outside a retirement village. Oh, I see. Super cute. Do you see that one on the way from the airport? No, I did not, unfortunately.

Worth a detour. I close my eyes. Blinking, you'll miss it. I refuse to look. Hey, Dave, do you know what this show is about? Well, I do, but maybe... Jess, do you know? Yeah, I stole Dave's laptop.

No point in telling everyone then. Well, what if people are listening for the first time? Maybe you should just say, just on the off chance. Just in case, any new timers, first timers. Okay. First comers. First comers. First comers.

First comers. The show... Please don't turn off. It's about a different topic every week. And one of the three of us researched that topic. But the other two don't know what that topic is until the research giver and taker fucking hell. Dua? Research doer and report giver.

They ask a question to get us on topic this week. The report has been done by David Warnocky. David, what is your question to get us on topic? And my question is, how many emperors has the United States of America had? What? What? How many emperors? It's none.

One. Two. Three? One is correct, yes. Yes! It is one. And his name is Joshua Norton. And he is the subject of today's episode.

An emperor. Yes, emperor Joshua Norton the first. Joshua. Self-diagnosed? Appointed? Appointed. Self-diagnosed emperor? Conchondriac.

No, I've got everything. I'm also a king. Went on Google. Google doctor. Dr. Google? Oh no. I'm feeling quite regal. Oh, no.

I'm in charge of a giant empire. This morning, it was just a bank teller. No, it is Emperor Joshua Norton. Have you heard of this guy? I hadn't. No. He was in the hat and put it to the patrons to vote for the Sydney Shineburgers. It won by one vote.

So those people hopefully did vote because if you didn't, you could have changed this stuff. That is a tight vote. Is this a relatively recent story? Not a recent story, but more of a recent suggestion is where I saw it from. I was like, oh, grab some new suggestions from the hat. And it actually turns out it's been suggested four separate times by these people. Thanks to Santiago Lopez. Amazing.

From Whittier in California. Alan from Dublin. Kyle Hagedey from Wabash, Wabash in Indiana. I almost certainly said that wrong. And also, finally, from Odette. in Texas, Jessica Villarreal. I met someone from Odessa in Texas yesterday. What?

At the day, she came in my show. Is that name Jessica? I'm going to say yes. She was the one who gave us the card that I was just telling you about before the show. Yes, that's right. I haven't opened the card. Because you wanted to open it with all of us. So I don't think she told me her name.

But that would be odds are. How many people from Odessa? How many are there? Whoa. She's actually, she's in Melbourne for the next couple of months. Cool. How cool is that? They have a population of 116,000, so it could be her.

Okay. Well, yeah, but there's probably, okay, maybe there's a different listener. But it could be her. That is so cool, though. Did she look like a Jessica? Yeah. Did she look like really rad and cool, but like laid back but like get shit done, you know? Yeah, she did look like that, which I don't associate with Jess as normally.

You are a cruel person. I mean, Odessa, so I really want to go there. They have an eight foot tall statue of a jack rabbit in downtown. That's cool. Which is cool. And they also at the University of Texas have a replica of Stonehenge. Whoa. That's fun.

All right, Odessa. Cool. Cool stuff. And so thanks to the people that suggested that. I hadn't heard of the topic. And then I briefly read into it. And I think the patrons who did vote for this chose correctly. Okay, great.

It's quite the story. Fun. I love a story. All right. Let's jump into that story. So Joshua Abraham Norton. That's a royal name. Yeah.

He was born in... Jan. Jan? Oh yeah, Jan. His initials are Jan. King Jan. That's not great. He was born in King Joshua. You got to think about these things, you know? Yeah. What have you got? You've got. Japs. Jap. I don't know why I went S there. That was wrong. Anyway, I know what your last name is. Cairns. Cercans. Yeah, I'm sure we talked about. Joshua Abraham Norton. Anyway, was born in England around the year 1818. His exact birth date is debated, but

That's pretty ballpark. I mean, who's taking the time to debate something like that? Who gives a shit? I think it was the fourth of March. There are people literally debate. There's debate clubs for me. There are literally people being like, on the internet, claiming stuff like, well, in this date, he claimed to be 52 years old.

So if we worked that out backwards, that would be 18, 18. But he also, according to the census, was only 37 years old during this decade. So that actually debunks this. Was he lying about his age? And it's like, I've fallen asleep. I do not give a shit. It doesn't matter that much. So we're talking around the late 18 teens.

His father John was a farmer and his mother, Sarah, was the daughter of a merchant. History.com describes his family as, quote, a decidedly unregal family of merchants. Okay, well, I mean, how can you decide that somebody else is unregal? That's right. Well, obviously, at his birth, not many would have tipped him for being the first great emperor which of the three of us would fit well into a regal lifestyle.

Oh, well, obviously me. Is that a true question? Is that because you love doing nothing? Yes. Yes. Yes, I love a throne. Also, you wear a monocle at all times. Yes.

You can hear it now. Speak up boy. You there. Now, not much is known about Joshua Norton's early years, but in 1820, the family uprooted and moved to South Africa with his father sold shipping supplies. And apparently he was pretty bloody good at it because by Josh Norton's 29th birthday, when the story picks up again, his parents had died and so had both of his brothers, suspicious, and he was left with a sizable inheritance.

Oh. It actually isn't suspicious. I'm definitely putting a spin on that. But his whole family died. Yeah, but we don't know exactly how. Yeah, but he's rich. So. Super rich, which often is a motive for murder.

if Poirot is anything to go by I've read a few different figures but it's in the range of about 40,000 US dollars or over a million US dollars now that's what he inherited I mean it's good but yeah a million dollar US dollars now

that would be like what what like 10 palaces maybe is that enough? Is that wealthy is it? Yeah well we start with 10 palaces and you turn that into 100 palaces right sorry we're talking like palaces for dogs, yeah, dog palaces.

Yeah. Yeah, but a hundred dog palaces. Imagine that. Yeah. You could get a pretty sweet dog palace for 100 grand, I reckon. Oh, yeah. And? I'd knock one together for you for 100 grand.

Really? Yeah. You're putting that offer out there? Yeah. To any regal types listening? Yeah, I'll put some... I'll bedazzle a kennel. No worries.

Get a hot glue gun and some little jewels. Rhinestones. Gold cellophane. Yes. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. You're hired. Oh, what?

I didn't say I'll do it for 100. I'll do it for 110. Wait, you don't understand how this works. I'm subbing you out. I'm subbing you out. I'm going to pay you by the hour, 20 bucks. Oh, per hour? Yeah. Great, because it will take me two or three hundred thousand hours. There you go. Everyone wins. I'll put the money in some sort of a bank countercruing interest.

Just to pay day. Wow. You really are regal. So he's got money and he emigrated with his wealth to California in 1849, hoping to capitalize on the booming gold rush. Right. He arrived in San Francisco and grew his fortune by investing in commodities and the real estate market.

And a few years later, by 1852, he was a well-respected member of the city. He was well-known and bloody rich. When was the gold rush in Australia? Was it around the same time? Was it a little bit later? A little bit later. I believe a lot of people left California and come and hang out. It was like all the gold had dried up there, so they moved to Ballarat.

You got to the next rush. Yeah. I mean, Ballarat's nice. But it's not California. It's not Hollywood. Yeah. It's quite cold. Is it?

Yeah, it actually is quite, is really chilly. But gold. Yeah. No, good point. I'd put up with the cold if I had gold to cover myself in for warmth. Oh, gold. It's gold warm. Oh, yeah, you better believe that conducts hate.

Hmm. Is that true? Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, you're regal. You've been exposed to gold. It conducts hate if, you know, there's hate for it to conduct. But.

It doesn't produce magic heat. No, it doesn't produce magic. Oh, sorry. Right, you've got to heat your gold for it to heat you. Yeah. I've always had that. I'm not a scientist. I don't know.

It's for sure. Maybe it does create its own heat. I've never seen it. Never been near it. That's why I want to be regal. She wants to see a gold. Get me a gold. One gold.

So he's bloody rich, but loss of money, as we all know, is never enough. And get even rich, even quicker scheme came along in 1852. A famine in China had drastically increased the price of rice as China had stopped exporting rice to the rest of the world. So the price of rice increased in America by 900%. Whoa. It went from four cents per pound up to 36 cents per pound. I mean, 900% sounds so much more impressive.

900%? Let's stick with that then. You didn't wall at 36 cents per pound. Yeah, I was like, fucking bargain. Now that's a bloody bargain. Norton, our guy, heard a ship. from Peru called the glide was on its way back to America with 200,000 pounds on 91,000 kilos of rice on board. He decided to buy the whole shipment for $25,000, which is about 12.5 cents per pound, hoping to flip it for three times as much as he'd paid. Get rich, get quick, boom,

done. 91,000 kilos? Yeah. Drop a thousand kilos. About 200,000 pounds. If you drop a thousand kilos. that won't be in kilter anymore. No, but yeah, I know, but like, it can't be perfect in both imperial and metric. I imagine if you hate one of those, it's got to be imperial.

Yeah. You're up around numbers and shit. Yeah. You're metric all the way. I'm a metric girl, big time. Have I not made that clear? Living in a metric world. Yeah.

Damn right. So he stood to make a fortune and he's like, I'm going to cash in big, baby. All right. That was one problem. Oh, no. After he'd signed the contract and agreed to pay that huge price, 25 grand. Oh, no. And 12.5 cents per per pound.

Several other shiploads of rice arrived from Peru, causing the price of rice to drop drastically to just 3 cents per pound. Cheaper than it was before. Which is actually cheaper than what China was selling it for. So, everyone's a winner except our guy. Well, you've just got to sit on it for a while. Yeah, there'll be another rice drought. And that's where he decided to build a kingdom of rice.

He should have bought all those other ships of rice and then stockpiled it maple syrup high style. Yeah. Do you remember those? Sort of bug the grain. Like become a cartel. Remember those TV ads for rice and it would like make the Taj Mahal out of rice? Maybe he should just build himself a little, yeah, I think it was Sunbeamie.

He built himself a little mansion out of rice. All the rice he has. Oh, yeah. He could have bedazzled a kennel with some rice. Paint it gold. Yeah, yeah. Put it in different bags and put some food dye in there. You got some fun-colored rice.

Yeah. You could throw it at people. You could throw it at people. Brides and grooms or anyone. But then birds eat it and it's not good for them. Yeah, but they didn't know that. We're talking about the 1800s, mate. But we know it now.

Sure. What can we throw now? What that birds. Rocks? I was thinking more weddings. Oh, yeah, rocks. But, you know, decorated rocks. Right glitter.

No, glitter's bad too. God damn. You can't have any fun. Bubbles. People blow bubbles. Bubbles are fun, unless they're in your eye. You can't throw bubbles. I can.

That's what I do at weddings. You're wearing that? Interesting choice on your big day. Obviously it's not a big deal for you. But my congratulations. Yeah, sure. Yeah, I thought it was a big deal, but cool. I feel silly for dressing myself up.

I've really overdressed, I'm not. So should I change? Am I making anyone feel uncomfortable with you? I thought formal meant formal. That is. Wow. Okay. So when are you changing into your dress?

I assume this is just your getting ready dress. Yeah. Or is this like an important family dress or something? Did your Nana wear that? Because she would have also looked awful. Did your Nana wear that? That's probably the worst thing you could say. Oh, you're Nana wore that I assume.

Oh, is this a family hair loom? So you've got, well, there's something old, but where's there something new? Some borrowed something blue. You dress the shit Sir, it's a suit Oh, sorry, I knew it's showing That throwing shade Sir, this is a funeral

Sir, make you purchase and leave my shop It was in a shop all along Sir, drive through the next window He's a drive-through When he said funeral, I imagined an open-casket funeral Matt is like heckling someone's nan. Do you want Nan wear that? Oh, oh, that is my nan.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Nan. Yes, she did and is still. Okay. All right, so bringing it back to Rice. Oh, yeah. Norton, he tried to avoid the contract for the Rice and sue the man that had sold it to him.

He tried to backpedal out of the deal. I don't know if you can sue him. Well, he claimed the dealer had misled him as to the quality of the rice. and had ripped him off. It went to court, and it took over three years. He won a couple of times in the lower courts, and they just kept appealing, kept appealing. And finally it wound up in the Supreme Court

where Norton lost. Oh, my God. So he lost the money on the rice and then had to pay these crazy legal fees as well. Because he's been going on for three years. And also, like, rather than doing his business adventures, he decided to just dedicate everything to this case. His real estate portfolio was foreclosed to pay the debt,

and he had to declare bankruptcy before falling off the map for several years. Oh man. And he doesn't, like his dad was the one who made all the money. And then he like made it even more money. So he was extremely rich. And then he lost it all. This is a riches to rag story.

Is this, is this not the story of Trump? Yeah. When you say emperor, you mean president. A man who declared himself president. And somehow other people said, yeah. Okay. All right. Wait.

You're foretelling the future? So he fell off the map for a few years in the history books anyway. He most likely worked at a working class boarding house where he also stayed. So he went from living the high life to living a pretty measly life. Wow. Seven years went past. And by 1859, our guy Norton had become discontented and jaded by the American legal system and the overall political structure of the country.

And when you want to change the system, what do you do? Do you run for office and change it from within? Yes. Yeah. Absolutely not. Yeah. No, instead, you send out a bunch of press releases to newspapers across San Francisco proclaiming. Check it out.

I got a hot single dropping next week. We are the world. I reckon this music's going to change everything. No, the press releases proclaimed himself to be the emperor of these United States. Okay. So, you know that guy who does the scores for us at the start of the show? adds up who got the most questions right, I think zero is going to technically be correct.

I don't think so. If this gets to an official place... I gave it to Jess, and it was one. I don't think he listens further in. He just listens to the question and then goes about his day. He likes to listen to the worst part of the show. This is what he wrote in his press release.

At the preemptory request of a large majority of the citizens, of these United States, I, Joshua Norton, formerly of Elgoa Bay, Cape of Good Hope, and now for the last nine years and 10 months past of San Francisco, California, declare and proclaim myself the emperor of these United States. He goes on and signed it. Norton the first, emperor of the United States. Amazing. It's like giving yourself a nickname.

Only the coolest people do it. Yeah, Cobra. He's just proclaimed himself emperor He's like, that's it, I'm emperor And it seemed to be written with the sincere belief That he was the unrecognised sovereign of the United States The San Francisco Daily Evening Bulletin Could sense a bit of a story

And publish the letter in full as a humour piece They thought, people get a kick out of this It was a real hit with readers And people wanted more of the eccentric man It's unclear if he'd actually lost his mind Or he was just doing it for a bit of a laugh But he became a real fixture of the city and he went along with her.

And the city embraced him. Now, when your emperor, self-appointed or not, you have to dress the part. Of course. Robs? Yes. Some sort of headdress? Yes. Sandals?

Tick, tick, tick. Yes, I am crushing this. I'm going to stop while I'm ahead. He wore a blue uniform with gold-plated epaulets that were actually given to him by offices of the United States Army. They were like, sure thing, Emperor. He wore the epaulettes over a long blue uniform Brilliant

And wore a beaver hat Adorned with the feather of a peacock Of course Okay you say a beaver hat like we know what that means Hat made from a beaver Okay That does sound regally I imagine a

Yeah but then imagine it with a peacock featherer Oh okay yeah And it was like the king beaver When it died Oh yeah and the king peacock Yeah The emperor peacock. We've killed the world's largest peacock.

For one feather. I don't know if this sounds real to you, but he also often carried a cane or an umbrella. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Because regal people do not get wet. No. Nor do they...

Unless they accidentally bring a cane instead of an umbrella. That's embarrassing. Put it up. Oh. But where's my umbrella? But it wasn't just for show. He dressed like an emperor, declared himself an emperor.

but he had a job to do. He spent his days... He had to emper. He was emper all over the town. He spent his days inspecting the city of San Francisco's sidewalks, their cable cars, public buildings, and would examine the appearance of police officers and criticise those appearances.

Okay. Pull up your socks, Roger. Yeah, no, he has lost it. I could arrest you, sir. No, no, up with your socks. I'm the emperor. He would walk the streets inspecting his realm and often ask people to pay him their taxes,

often accepting a hot meal as payment. Basically, you just want to freestyle. Yeah. Real, like a real switch up in his life. Yeah. Successful businessman to town eccentric. Yeah. It feels like a different person.

What happened in those seven years? I like the second one more. Really? Yeah. My goal is to go the other way around. Okay. Well, yeah, you're already. doing the eccentric part.

Exactly. I'm very kooky. But you want to become a real success. Yeah, I want to be a CEO. Oh, okay. I want to be in, why are you laughing? I mean, you're already an influencer on Instagram. You're only moments away from putting CEO of Jess Industries or something in your bio.

It's not a bad idea. I think you should do it. I'm actually CEO of Labien Boy industry. Can we just quickly talk about how Leibon. Bean Boy has taken off on Twitter. Thanks to everyone follow me on there. What a life you're living. I've been having a good time.

I must say an enemy has appeared on the horizon. I don't know if you've seen this. A rival Twitter account has been made La Bean Boy, dedicated to the wrong type of beans. Coffee beans. Oh, I'm so sorry. I feel sick. I feel sick.

Yeah. I think I want to start up a campaign to get you away from your habit, call it. Dave, let's flick the bean. Give the bean the flick or something. I'll keep workshop on that. And what's the, how do I give the bean the flick? To stop eating baked beans. Just cold turkey.

Which I know you'd probably enjoy. Yeah, oh, I love cold turkey. My goodness. You've got weird eating habits. Cold turkey with beans on the side. Coffee beans? No, baked beans. Yeah.

Yes. Probably stuffed. Turkey stuffed with beans. Yeah. Cold. What about beans stuffed with turkey? Oh, yes. Please.

Okay, yeah. Roll on board? Yeah, Tabin and... To be in? To be in? To bein or not to bean? Yeah. Like it's a duckin?

Oh, understood. Anyway, what was... So now he's there. So now he's there. Town eccentric. People greeted him with bowels when he passed. Bowels? Bowels.

They bowed to him. Oh, okay. They bowed to him. They showed him their bowels. No, they bowed to him as he walked past on his royal walks. and the city directory listed his occupation on the census as emperor. So he was literally recognized by the government in even a small capacity as the emperor. Wow.

Again, the point went to Jess. He became such a cult figure that theatres and restaurants would reportedly reserve prime seats for Norton, knowing that his very presence would be good for business and attract more customers. What? So he was an influencer. Yeah. That's awesome. He was the CEO of Emperor Industries.

When the French later invaded America's neighbor to the south, he nurtured international relations by adding to his title, Protector of Mexico. So now his full title was Norton the first, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico. Great. Somebody's got to protect Mexico. And he's like, I'm the man for the job.

I'll do it. He didn't do it by building a wall by chance. That's right. To protect it. Yeah. There are a few similarities being seen here. Oh, goodness. But he wasn't just a ceremonial emperor, at least not in his own mind.

He issued a number of decrees that he hoped would be followed. Okay. Basically introducing his own laws and rules that he hoped people would follow. Hoped. Well, he expected people to follow. Yeah. I should say he expected. Right.

But he can't really enforce anything, can he? Well, I mean, no. I imagine that would have been the same thing. People would have said to him, mate, you can't enforce this, can you? Pause, pause, thinking about it, hang on. Car with the two. No. His first decree came in 1859, soon after declaring himself emperor.

He dismissed the governor of Virginia for hanging a man named John Brown and instead decided to appoint John C. Breckenridge of Kentucky to replace him. Sadly, his decree seemed to be ignored and the other governor kept on governing. So, all right, that's a bit of a slap in the face. but this didn't slow him down. On October 12 in that same year, he decided to formally abolish the United States Congress. Okay. He was just like Congress is out.

In his degree, he wrote. Congress. I was wondering why Congress doesn't exist in America anymore. Why it stopped in 1859? Well, now you know. Because he wrote, quote, fraud and corruption prevent a fair and proper expression of the public vote, that open violation of the laws are constantly occurring

caused by mobs, parties, factions, and undue influence of political sects. And the citizen has not that. protection of person and property which he is entitled. End quote. Basically, you're all corrupt. Get the fuck out. Congress is out. I'm in.

I'm flicking out Congress. Also, I call them the bean. From now on, second decree will call Congress the bean. Now let's flick the beam. Flick the beam. Flick the bean. He's trying to empower his people. Sadly,

and it worked. Yeah. People did not do. on the chair. Again, unbelievably, he was ignored by Congress. This is crazy. Can you believe they didn't just quit because of him? That's crazy.

Get out. He said so. The emperor said so. He's not just some crazy guy on the street. He's the emperor. Have you seen his epaulettes? They're made of gold. Yeah.

Okay. Come on. There's just no respect for emperors anymore these days. We just can't get no respect. Unbelievable. In an imperial decree the following month, Norton summoned to the army to deprive, oppose the elected officials of the US Congress.

They're like, they're not leaving. I'll get the army in. Right. The army declined to arrest Congress. They declined. They said, no, thanks. Yeah. Which is unbelievable.

Oh, I'd love to, but I'm busy that week. Oh, you could do it next week. Oh, God, we're fighting a war. We're away for years. What a funny way for a military coup to begin. Some guy just goes, no, I'm in charge of the army now. We're taking down the government. Yeah.

And then they're like, well, he's. wearing those epaulets that we gave him. Because they thought it'd be cute. Now he's telling us what to do. Maybe we should, I don't know. He's threatened to arrest us if we don't do this. We better to put here. We better do it.

I can't go to jail, man. I can't. You know what they'll do to me in there, man? Pretty for that shit. A couple of years went by. In 1861, the US was on the brink of a civil war between the north and the south, and the trusty emperor couldn't sit eye. oddly by and watch his kingdom destroy itself.

Of course not. He had to act. Yes. He announced that he had dissolved the union altogether, the people from the south, and replaced it with an absolute monarchy with himself at the helm. Problem solved. All done. The civil war was avoided and one million Americans didn't kill each other.

Hooray! Praise be to emperor. No, sadly the union also ignored him and they just went right ahead with their civil war. Oh, unbelievable. They could have saved themselves a lot of trouble. I'll tell you what. I'm furious. Yes.

That was Joshua. In 1862, we issued a decree that ordered both the Roman Catholic Church and the Protestant churches to publicly ordain him as emperor. What? Are people still paying attention to this? Yeah, he's still doing. I mean, basically that's what happened with King Henry V.A. He's doing that.

And they've ignored him, sadly. This is crazy. Why are so many people ignoring? Oh, my God, weird twist. He's invisible. He was dead all along. Yes. Oh, my God.

Dave, is he just a ghost haunting the streets? He's a king ghost. King ghost. Emperor. That's a band, ghost emperor. That is all right. That'd be sick. A king ghost is when a bunch of ghosts all get tangled up together.

And they become one huge ghost. It's true. Look it up. Wow. Wow. How do they get tangled? Their feet and tails. Ghosts get tails.

No, no, but like what are they doing? Oh, you don't want to know. Oh. Oh, twister. Yeah, yeah. That game, that's a devilish game. Nude, twister. Oh, you're crazy.

Gravity is not kind to the naked body. No. Yeah, well, the guys, they're pretty tight. Oh, okay. Oh, everyone put their crevice on red. Crevice. Left crevice red. Left, oh, but my right crevice is already on blue.

I want to paint a picture here. San Francisco was a wild place. time. And hopefully this will show a bit of it. Characchievous Edward Jump started a rumor claiming that Norton, our emberra, had two dogs named Bama and Lazarus, who were also local celebrities in the city. Bama. Bama.

Bama. Bama. Bama. Yeah, I always thought as bummer as being a bit of an Aussie word, a bit of a bummer. Yeah. What a bummer. What a bummer. Yeah.

That's an American thing, is it? Yeah. Just another thing we go from America. Do we have an original thought in our heads? Bummer. What a bummer. Yeah, I don't know. That's a silly name.

I'm looking at up. In North America, apparently it means a loafer or vagrant. Oh. And these were street dogs, so maybe that's why they called it bummer. Loafer. See, here that means a shoe. Yeah, this is confusing. Isn't language amazing?

What? A shoe or a vagrant? You know what I mean? It's just like, oh, who can crack the code, you know? And do you know that there's other languages? What? I only just found out about these. What?

I saw a listicle. There's at least 11 other languages. No, there is not. Yeah, some of I haven't even heard of. German. What's wrong with these people? Speak English. Fuck.

How easy is it? I mean, or how hard is it? Yeah, well, we've got some German listeners, Dave, so just a bit of respect, please. Do we? Yeah. But how do they understand us? Am I speaking German right now? Yes.

Oh, okay. What is German? I don't know. We're like in one of those Hollywood Nazi movies where all the Nazis are speaking English, but with a bit of a German accent. I love that. And then with that Tom Cruise film Velcro, they were like, we did not trust him to speak in a German accent. Everyone's American.

Yeah, in that one I remember, they had everyone speaking German briefly. And then there was some, I can't remember what device they used, but there was like a switch. and then we heard them all with American accents from then on. I remember enjoying that film, but is it bad? Oh, I don't know. Is that bad of me to do? Yeah. No, I just always find Tom Cruise, I'm just watching Tom Cruise.

I can't believe he's anyone that isn't himself, in my opinion. I know a lot of people love him, big box office superstar, but I just feel... What a long career at the top. Yeah. I know you like to cut those tall poppies down, Dave. Yeah, that's right. You're an underdog man. Pretty controversial to pile on Tom Cruise.

Sorry, guys. I hate to be the one to say it. Tom Cruise. Maybe not that good. But still pretty good. I think he is pretty good. Like, you can't suck. Anyway, whatever.

What about? He's always, I obviously just don't enjoy his character that he plays in every film as much as other people do. But what about Tropic Thunder? Because it took me a long time to figure out that was him. He was very funny in Tropic Thunder. And you didn't automatically immediately know it was him. you know.

Same in Bohemian Rhapsody. Mike Myers. Oh, right. Well, he was playing Mike Myers? Yeah, Tom Cruise played Mike Myers playing like a Scottish guy. Wow. And I was wild. Mike Myers.

When was the last time you didn't play a Scottish character? He loves Scottish. He loves Scottish. I think the guy was Scottish. Well, maybe his accent just went a little bit Shrek, and that's how I identified him. I assume it was Scottish. I think there was like, I was watching it, not realizing. and then there was a word or a couple of words that sounded quite Shrek

and I was like, that sounds like Shrek. Oh, it's Mark Myers. Because he wasn't based on a real person. I think he was an amalgamation. He was able to choose his own accent. And finally enough, he chose Scottish. There's an amalgamation of that character from, so I married an ex-murderer and Shrek.

And his dad. I've started clicking because of the beat poetry and I married an ex-murderer, but I didn't explain that at all. I just started clicking. I'm very tired. Yeah, that movie. Anyway, sorry to all the Tom Cruise fans. Or Mike Myers fans.

I actually genuinely love Mike Myers. Wayne's World, one of the all-time greats. Anyway, so we were talking about Bummer and Lazarus, the two famous street dogs, often frequently seen together in cartoons, and it seemed that all the locals knew them. They're very famous in San Francisco. Oh, famous dogos.

What kind of dogs were they? I'm actually not sure Oh my God Dave Did you do any research at all Well I think that they were probably Vagrants Oh Loafers

Cute A mixture of a vagrant and loafers Imagine little bread loaves With paws Yeah That's bloke Oh that'd be like a pug That's delicious

Pugs are like little loaves of bread Pugs are half bread What happened A dog fucked a loaf of bread They're in bread That's what pure breed Dogs are all right Ew

Anyway. Dave, please. So, so. I just wanted to know. Bummer and Lazarus, apparently the USA had a problem with stray dogs at the time, particularly in California. In Los Angeles, the number of dogs outnumbered people two to one. What? Yeah, so a lot of, and this is street dogs. So people didn't love strays, but Bama and Lazarath were an exception to the rule and were royalty amongst the people. They were prodigious rat killers, also had a problem with rats, and their abilities were written about in the papers starting their reputations.

I wonder if the other dogs. expected them too. Like they were kings of the dogs. Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah, that's sick. Yeah, dog kings often get their tails stuck together. Is that right? Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, because they find nude twister. Oh, dog crevice. Once Lazarus was apparently captured by a new dog catcher who didn't know who he was. Oh. And a mob of angry citizens demanded that he be released. And he was. Oh, amazing. And I imagine that that guy got a strict talking to by his commander.

You think he'd just go out there and catch dogs? Is that what you think your job is? Huh? Yeah, I'm a dog catcher. Not just any dog. You're not half the dog catcher your father was. Then the cartoonish jump, who's the cartoonist I mentioned before, started featuring Norton in the cartoons with the dogs,

and that implied that the emperor owned them. So people started just assuming that, oh, the emperor owns these dogs. Sadly, Lazarus died, believed to be poisoned, and thousands of people showed up for the dog's funeral. That's how popular he was. And again, to show how wild San Francisco was at this time, the cartoonist depicted the dog's funeral with Norton acting as the Pope. Sure.

And another famous eccentric of the time called Freddie Coombs depicted as digging the dog's grave. Okay. Freddie Coombs was famous for claiming to be the reincarnation of George Washington. Right. Apparently he looked a lot like George Washington and people started to embrace his claims. Now, not much is written about Freddie, so I have to quote from Wikipedia here, but this is what it says about him. Quote, for a time, he was as a popular figure as Joshua Norton,

the Emperor of the United States, and his deeds were reported in local newspapers. He left the city after a feud with Norton, who he thought was jealous of his reputation with the fairer sex and decided to return to his native New York City. We just don't have eccentrics like that anymore, too. We certainly don't have people claiming to be George Washington and apparently doing well with the ladies.

Yeah. Oh, the ladies love a bit of George Washington. I reckon we could find some people out there claiming to be old presidents, but I don't know if they're doing much for them. You know, yeah. Sessually. Yeah, or otherwise. Yeah.

Mm. God knows I've tried. Anyway, George Washington in the house. What's up? Ladies? Ladies? Have you tried Ned Kelly? Ned Kelly's in the house?

He was a bush rain. you know. Oh, self-described. I'm ducking for cover. I'm not robin, yeah? I might steal your heart. He's going to take our hearts out. Oh, God.

No, I just meant I'm going to steal some kisses. Well, consent's important. I murdered a policeman. Oh, now I'm listening. So that was just a story of just showing that San Francisco was a bit of a bit of a kooky place at the time. Still is.

You know, Metallica or from there? Is that true? God, that last guy is a bit of a crazy man. I grew up playing tennis. It was quite good at it. Sometimes you've got to make a choice. Starting the world's most famous heavy metal band or playing tennis.

Yeah. We're working on that forehand. Finally on Lazarus the Dog, the body was stuffed and put on display. And as was Bama when he eventually died a few years later, but sadly both were destroyed in the early 20th century, so you can't see Bummer and or Lazarus. Oh, that's annoying.

How do they stuff Bummer? Through the throat. Oh, there you go. Throat stuffing. Okay, but back to our beloved emperor. Are you guys liking this guy? Nah. Matt?

No, I do. I respect him. Do you respect his authoritative? No. No. No, but it makes for a fun story now many, many, many years later. 150 years later. Well, in January 1867, an overzealous patrol special officer named Armand Barbier.

Armand. Armand. Armand. Armand. Armand. That feels like a modern celebrity's daughter's name, you know. Armand. My daughter, Armand, West.

No, you saw the, you saw the, Their latest child is... Yeah, pecan. And I love it. What is the... I'm saving pistachio for mine. Oh, I love cashew. The latest is Psalm.

Psalm West. P-S. Yeah. Wow. Are they religious? That's like a religious song. Yeah. So now they've got...

Sort of. North. North. North. Saint. Isn't that true West? No. I'm pretty sure there is.

They have a kid called True. True West. No. Not wrong. Saint Chicago and Sam. Chicago's cool. I think I'm just mad. I was certain that they had a kid called True West.

You never trust me. Well done. And the other one, sorry. I zoned out because I was so obsessed with proving myself right. Do you say Chicago? Chicago. And the most recent one is Sam. Sam.

Sam. And imagine like him introducing himself is going to be like, hi, I'm Sam West. Sorry, you say Sam? I think that would be a problem for a lot of people, but probably not for Psalm West. Yeah, good point. Kanye West is, I mean, only minutes away from declaring himself to be the second emperor of the United States. Anyway, so Armand Barbier arrested Majesty Norton I for involuntary treatment of a mental disorder. He was like, you're acting bit crazy.

I'm going to take you in. But again, there was a major public uproar. The chief of police, Patrick Crowley, had to apologize to the emperor and ordered to have him released. Several scathing newspaper editorials followed the arrest, and it was terrible PR for the police. From then on, all the police officers began to salute Norton when he passed them on the street to keep you on side. Oh my God, this is wild, and I love it. One thing that really got the goat of our emperor was people not paying respect to the city he loves so much, San Francisco. He hated it when people didn't pay the city full respect.

and attempted to shorten the title with a nickname. San Fran. He would have hated that. He hated one even more. So he issued a decree. Have you ever heard any other shortening of San Francisco? No. SF?

Yeah, that seems silly. Sani F. Saffra? Oh, you would have hated Saffra. Saffra? Saffra. We're heading to Saffra for the winter. Oh, to light.

He wrote, However after due and proper warning shall be heard to utter the abominable word frisco. Oh. Frisco. Which has no linguistic or other warrant, shall be deemed guilty of a high misdemeanor and shall pay into the imperial treasury as the penalty, the sum of $25. 25 bucks, if you say frisco. If you heard I heard saying frisco, he wanted you to be fine because he hated it so much. Frisco.

You are living on the seat of your pan. I'm paying on the do-go-on credit card. Don't you worry. Stop it. Frisco. No, we can't afford it. Do you know where I'd like to go on holiday? Where?

Just duck over to Frisco. What? I think I remember this. A lot of Italian outdoor restaurants got in a lot of trouble financially around that time. Fresco. Oh, fresco. He kept going, it's close. Al fresco.

What did I hear you, sir? Yeah, sorry, what? He's rattling his can. Yep. Say it again. We've got Alfresco dining Oh, do you now? Oh, go tell me more about it.

You've got what, sorry? We're up to 50. Papa's eaten tonight. But not here. Not here. This is disgusting. I love eating indoors. He continued to make demands,

some for the country and some for himself. In 1870, he signed a decree that the grand hotels should furnish his rooms under penalty of being banished. It's unsure if they complied or not. So you didn't have furniture. Well, you want a better furniture.

I like this furniture. Let me just sign something. Give me your furniture. More! Or you will be banished. Okay. By order of the emperor. The police do seem to salute him now.

Yeah. Better give him my chaise loud. Well, one of his pet projects was that he wanted to build a suspension bridge between San Francisco Fresco and Oakland. He signed a decree ordering He signed a decree ordering for the bridge to be built in March 1872.

He followed it up with another decree in September 1872 that ordered a survey to determine if a bridge or tunnel would be the best possible means to connect Oakland and San Francisco. He also ordered the arrest of the board of supervisors

for ignoring his earlier decrees. And for ignoring that one. Under penalty of death As his celebrity grew Norton the first became a cherished mascot For the city of San Francisco History.com writes Quote, photos of him in his imperial dress

Were popular souvenirs And Emperor Norton dolls Fanned their way into shops around the city Oh my God There's dolls of him Yeah, he's the hottest toy, all the kids want to play He's got to be getting some of those royalties though, right? Well,

He remained poor in terms of actual cash but he was well looked after by the city and lived a pretty comfortable life. Restauranteurs allowed him to skip out on his tab in exchange for the right to post an imperial seal of approval that read, quote, by appointment to his imperial majesty, Norton I. So they put a sign in the window that says basically, the emperor dines here. Yeah.

So he could dine there for free and hopefully other people would be like, oh, the emperor dines here. He was an influencer. Yeah, absolutely. Jess, this guy's your god. Yes. Yes. You should do what he does here.

In 1871, a local company even printed his own official currency, which apparently was accepted at some places, and also sold us souvenirs throughout the rest of the city. Apparently, the few remanding examples are worth a pretty penny to collect us today. One penny. That's a pretty penny. Oh, pretty penny. Like a good-looking penny.

That's like a hot penny. Yeah, hot Penelope, please. Cruise? Yeah, cruth. Quirth. Oh, yeah. Penelope, Croh. The best of the croothers.

He was well liked, and when his uniform wore out, the army gave him another one to replace it. And local lawmakers, seeing his deep connection to the city, helped furnish his royal wardrobes using public funds. So the city paid for his clothes. Far out. He's living a pretty sweet life. Rumours spread about him throughout his life, though. A popular story of the day was that he was the son of Emperor Napoleon III, and that his claim of coming from South Africa was actually a ruse to prevent. persecution.

Okay. So, I mean, I don't know why you come from South Africa, pretend to be a businessman, disappear and then be like, actually, I am the emperor, and then still try and go under the radar. Yeah. Yeah, I don't want to make a big fuss. I'm the emperor, and I'll make a few decrees here and there, but nothing to see. Flying under the radar.

No, please. I don't like the fuss. Can I also have some new gold epaulets? I'm just going to eat here for free. Thank you. I'm an emperor. Rattling his tent. Yeah, you can't say frisco.

Okay, bye. Rumors also seculated that Norton was supremely wealthy and was feigning poverty because he was actually a tied ass. He just wanted free stuff. A lot of really wealthy people are, you know? Absolutely. Quite frugal. It's how they get so wealthy.

Damn right. Whereas me, I don't have a lot of cash, but boy, can I spend it. Yeah, wow, you're spending other people's money. Yeah. It's a Ponzi scheme. Yeah, I'm bad at this. Help me. Please.

Help me by sending $1 too. There were also rumours that he would marry Queen Victoria to closer bind the United States with the United Kingdom. That would have been so good. Look, I know you're already very, very happily married, but I am an emperor. You, in a way, are an emperor. I'm just an emperor standing in front of another sort of emperor.

Asking that sort of emperor. Asking him via a royal decree. Please, sign here. Newspapers also made up decrees that he'd also supposedly ordered just to sell papers. So these sensational stories have written about him. Although the ones that I've read out are all listed on the virtual museum of the city of San Francisco website, and they claim that they've all been fact-checked and that he actually issued those. So if these are the real ones, imagine how crazy the made-up ones were.

Crazy. All dogs are called Ben. All right. That's wild. It's not even a good dog name. No, I'll do it. I'll take it over Bama. Bama.

Bama. Bama. Bama. Bama. Bama. Bama. Bama. Bama. Bama. Bama. Bama. Bama. Bama. Bama. You like this, Dave. One of my friends, Steph, she listens to this podcast. Hello, Steph. She has a cute little white dog.

His name is David. Really? Yeah. It's such a fun. Does David listen as well? I'm assuming David. Who, David? Who, David? A good boy.

You're a good boy, David. Hold on. You're not going to be the dog. Wow. You know. He's a good boy. Yes, I am. No, it's not you. Oh, I'm a bad boy.

No, Dave. You're a neutral boy. You're an unconfirmed boy. Oh. That's true. We're not confirmed if you're a boy or not. Can we get some confirmation there, Dave? Yeah, how can you confirm that you're a boy?

Can't confirm nor deny. Hmm. Interesting. Anyway, cute little dog named David. Oh, hello, David. It's great to have you on board. Sadly, all good things must come to an end. And on the evening of January 8th, 1880,

Norton, Emperor I first, collapsed on the street. Oh, no. A police officer, I mean, I have never heard someone talk about someone dying in that way. All good things must come to an end. He died. That is the weirdest way I've ever heard someone say someone died. You mean laugh? All good things are going to come to an end.

There's an expiry date on everything, Matt. Yeah, nothing matters. Is this the first time you've considered your own mortality? And it just took me saying all good things must come to an end. This is a real way to phrase it. Hang on. Life's pretty good. All good things come to an end. Does life come to an end?

Oh. I'm so sorry to be the one to break it to you. Oh, no. I've got to make a call. Just one? Who too? Who too? Who are calling?

Who are you calling? Tell us. Doctor. Doctor. Please. Don't let me... Don't let me die. Don't let me drown. Doctor!

So he collapsed on the street. A police officer immediately called a carriage to take him to hospital, but sadly the emperor died of a stroke before the carriage could get there. Oh no. It was approximately 62 years old, although this is also debated by some very dull people. Of course it is. Well, all good things must come to an end.

That's right. He died. I'm trying to make it positive. Looking into the good part. He had a good life. And that it ended. Thank goodness. News of his passing matter into newspapers across the country.

Leroy Est Mort or the King is Dead read the headline of the Chronicle. A headline in the morning call newspaper read, Norton the first, by the grace of God Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico departed this. life. That is a long headline. What were they thinking? I mean, is there a reason you haven't heard of the morning call newspaper? No, yeah. They didn't have articles. They just had headlines.

There's a one page. Everything in bold, large font. That's kind of, it's Twitter. I like that, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, another newspaper just said, all good things come to an end. Huh? Huh? Huh? Sounds like a stupid newspaper. Yeah, the New York.

Whilst there were rumours of him being secretly wealthy, after he died it became very obvious that this was definitely not the case. He had led a very modest life. For 17 years he had lived at the Eureka lodging house in a very small room with few possessions. He was found to have only $6 or $7 on him when he died, also found in his room of a fake telegram supposedly from Emperor Alexander II of Russia, congratulating Norton on his forthcoming marriage to Queen Victoria. and another one from the President of France predicting that such a union would be disastrous to world peace.

It's not clear if he thought these were real or if he knew they were fake and it just kept them as a joke. So people were sending him fake telegrams. Oh my God. Initially, because of his poverty, he was going to be buried in a basic pauper's coffin, as he had no money for a proper funeral, but a group of business owners from San Francisco raised the funds to buy him a much nicer coffin and to pay for a proper send-off, Which was quite nice actually

Because a few days later Over 10,000 San Franciscans turned up to pay their respects at his funeral And the surrounding streets 10,000 people Set up a bit of a parade for him, yeah. Whoa! And people from different classes

came together to say goodbye To America's first and only emperor. Norton was buried in the Masonic Cemetery At the expense of the city of San Francisco So they decided to pay for his burial. So he didn't have an air? No air, no, nor spare. Yeah.

So that's why there's only one. Do you reckon I could get 10,000 people at my funeral? No. No, you're right. Keep it small and intimate. Yeah, that's right. I know what you like. Exclusive.

Yeah, you don't like making a big deal. BIP. Yeah, very important. Perkins. Hey guys, welcome to my funeral. What's up? So that is his life. He had a lasting impact on the city of San Francisco

and has inspired characters. in popular culture. Mark Twain worked as a journalist in San Francisco during his reign and later went on to use the emperor as the model for the king, a royal imposter who appears as a character in his 1885 novel, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. Cool. And Robert Louis Stevenson made Norton a character in his 1892 novel The Recker.

Yeah, right. Which is originally going to be titled Bummer. But, yeah, the Rekker means something different over there. in Scotland where he's from. Has any ever been in film or anything like that? Any characters? There are a bunch of characters that people say,

oh, that's literally inspired by Emperor Norton, yeah. Funny, it feels like there should be some sort of biopic. Johnny Depp. Yeah. Playing Johnny Depp. I'd cast Tom Cruise. Yeah, sorry, he is versatile. He's so versatile.

He could do anything. He can do... Because, I mean, the Emperor did a bunch of, like... He shot guns off a motorbike and stuff, right? I just wonder if Tom Cruise could pull off eccentric. That's my biggest query about it. I don't know. I don't know if there'd be enough stunts that he could demand to do

and then go into an excruciating detail on talk shows about how he did it. Man, that's so boring. He's like, yeah, I spent nine years trying to fly a helicopter for this one stunt. We don't give a fuck. Who cares? Let us not make it. There are professionals that do this. You're an actor. Act.

And you play one character. That is the thing. Like, if you're a real actor, you'll pretend to fly that helicopter. Yeah, I know. Without knowing how to. I know. He's like, no, I have to fly the helicopter. Do you have to skydye?

So he's a control freak. Do you have to go to space? Did you have to go to Mars? I mean... Did he do that? If you don't get it, he's method, you don't get that. Fair enough. But I thought you were dramaturs, but maybe you're not.

You're the one with a drama degree. Yeah. That's right. you were including me in that yeah you were captain of the drama club or something it was more than captain unbelievable the drama club

yuck drama captain I believe it was thank you of some sort of drama club was for year sevens and eights and it was on Monday lunchtimes and yeah I guess in a way I was the captain of that in that I ran it

for the younger students to try and get them involved in drama and open up and be vulnerable in the space a little something you could learn a thing or two about. Dave, I'm so sorry you had to see that. Hey, that was fantastic.

And scene. That was really great. Thank you. I loved that. Did you believe it? That was so good. Yeah. Wow.

I could feel that tension. I wanted to laugh. Jess and I have been staying back after our recordings and working on a little. Oh, your own drama club. Yeah. Yeah, we've got a drama club. Right. Great work.

Yeah, that's a little bit of a look into our, you know, the world we've created. It was seriously impressive, guys. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you for sharing. with the group. Yeah, thank you.

We do it while we're learning to fly helicopters. Yeah. It's only going to take us nine years and it's for one scene. But I think it will show. I think it will be worth it. I think audiences will be able to sense the authenticity. That's the thing. Because so many actors look like they're flying helicopters and you never go,

he's not doing it. This film sucks. I can't believe this action film isn't real. But you also never look and go, I reckon he's actually doing that. It's only when he's on Graham Norton talking about it that you go, oh, he actually did that. I can fly that alien spaceship without any training or speaking English. That is when it pays for itself, though, when he's promoing the movie, I guess.

Gives him something to talk about. It pays for itself. That nine years? A two-minute anecdote. I got two minutes out of that nine years of training. Finally on Norton, he's left quite a legacy. Since 1974, the Imperial Council of San Francisco has been conducting an annual. pilgrimage to Norton's grave just outside of San Francisco.

So people there, for that city, is still a cult hero. Whilst his royal decree was ignored at the time, his dream of building a bridge to Oakland eventually came to fruition in 1936 with the opening of the Bay Bridge. Apparently, it's in the exact spot that he suggested. Oh, that's cool. So there you go. I love that.

There have been campaigns over the years to get them to rename at least part of the bridge after Emperor Norton, but so far it hasn't officially changed its name. The Emperor's Bridge campaign is a San Francisco-based non-profit that was set up in 2013 to advance the Emperor's legacy. Yeah. And that is my report on Joshua Norton, the first, and so far only at the time of recording, Emperor of the United States of America and Protector of Mexico.

Thank you. When you started, I was like, I was kind of waiting for him to do something a bit fucked and then we'd hate him. I think I'm just so used to like serial killer episodes. Oh, okay. They start off, you talk about their early childhood, and they're like normal kids.

And they're achieving things. You're like, oh, he's really good at sport. You're like, oh, cool, good for this kid. And then by the end you're like, I'm so sorry I said he was good at sport. So I was just waiting the whole time. I felt very reserved. I didn't allow myself to be vulnerable. It was just like a practical joke that he committed to for a decade and a half.

I love that. I love people who commit to the joke. And it's still unsure if he thought it was a bit or if he was actually thinking. That's that committed to the videos. I think he was a bit. He got so into it. Yeah. Should have been committed.

Was he committed? Was he committed? Was he committed? Well, they tried and then that police officer was basically fired. Yeah, right. That's wild. He might be my new favourite Norton. Really?

Okay, take that, Edward. Yeah, Edward, Graham, Jim, DW. They've all dropped down the list. Quite a few Nones, isn't it? All of them down one. All of them down one. Who is previously, who's number two now? Number two, that's got to be,

it's got to be Graham. Yeah. Oh, he's great. He's really grown on me. That's a fun, that's far as late night shows go. I really like it as well. I mean, he gets all-star guests, huge. I saw Keanu on last week.

Oh, yeah. Last week talking about John Wick. Doesn't he seem like a nice guy? He does, and he talked about it on it. He said how he, Edward Nort, John Nort, Graham Norton, was like, you, he's like, and you do all your own stunts. He's like, no, not really. I'd do all of my own action.

I don't do the stunts. Stunt bubbles do that. I saw that too. And I was like, fucking take a note, Tom Cruise. I was thinking you would have really enjoyed that interview. I did watch it. Yeah, right.

To be honest, he's really such a nice guy, but he's so nice that it's kind of boring because every time you try and tell a fun story with him, like, oh, you've done up, this is in the same interview, you've done a lot of ballroom dancing. And he goes, no, I haven't?

Yeah, yeah, you've done a lot of ballroom dancing, trying to get an anecdote out of him. He's like, no, I'm not a ballroom dancing. And he goes, all right, well, you literally did a lot of training for ballroom dancing for a film. And he goes, oh, yeah, I did a bit of that. But I'm not a ballroom dancer. He's just too modest. Tell a bit, tell a bit.

Do the bit. Do the bit. Do the bit. Monkey boy. Dance monkey. But there you go. What an eccentric dude. Loved it.

Who, Keanu or? Yes. Emperor. Emperor the first. Everyone. I love everyone. Joshua Norton. Yeah, I'd never heard of that guy.

So I'm really glad that he was brought to my attention because I'm glad that he once existed. He once existed. Before sadly things have to come to an end. All good things. All good things do. All good things. Much like this episode, but before we do that, can we just quickly shout out to some of our Patreon supporters?

I refuse to do it quickly. I'm going to say their names very slowly. Very slowly. If you're not familiar, we have a Patreon that our support to this show, but as well as our other podcast, Primates, which are about primates and popular culture. The Matt Stewart hosts every single week. It's a comedy podcast about pop culture, movies and other such things,

like TV shows, Dragon Ball Z we did recently. This week's episode is about Aladdin, the Disney film from 1992. I can show you the... Good fun. Who was on that one with you? Cameron James and Alexi Toliopoulos. Two Cynophiles. Yes.

What a dream team. It's a crossover episode with their Total Reboot podcast. What's that's all of those words. Total Reboot podcast. There you go. But before we get on to those, thinking those, What we normally do is everyone's favorite segment of the show. It's the fact, quote, or question, sexual.

So the way this works is, if you're on the Sydney-Shineberg level of Patreon, support, rest and peace, Sydney. You get to give a fact, a quote, or a question, and then we'll read that out. And you also get to give yourself a title. And this week's fact, quote or question is a quote. And it comes from many time and many time fact quote or questioner and long, maybe one of the longest Patreon supporters in terms of height, I guess, but also in length of time supporting Richard Frederick Schubert the third. Oh, definitely a hall of famer.

Yeah, big time. And his title is Caveman. And his quote. I love that because often it's like a crazy elaborate thing. Yeah. I appreciate the. Caveman. Caveman.

All right, nice. Sweet. And like I'd normally say, I don't read these before we do it. So here we go. Well, here comes some hate speech. It looks long. Matt hasn't even read the quote yet. Yeah.

Oh, God. It just comes out of his mouth. Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagius the Wise or Plagueus? Are you Star Wars people? I forget. Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagius the wise? I thought not. It's not a story the Jedi would tell you.

It's a Sith legend. Darth Plagius was a dark lord of the Sith. So powerful and so wise. He could use the force to influence the midiocrarians to create life. He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. The dark side of the force is a part of. pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.

He became so powerful, the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. That's all good things. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew. Then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. Ironic, he could save others from death, but not himself. That's the quote. Wow.

I mean, is that just the plot of the next? Star Wars film? Yes. Spoilers! I think, I feel like it's on Know Your Meme. The Tragedy of Darth Plagueister was. Apparently it's a meme. So this is a joke on us I don't get, but... I thought it sounded pretty cool and I'd like to see it in the next Star Wars film.

Yeah, maybe it is a cool thing and maybe he did explain it and I didn't copy that part over. Anyway, maybe I'll look that up while... Thank you. Richard Frederick Schubert the 3rd Thank you so much The Caveman The Caveman

And like we do most weeks I've come up with a game That we can play While we thank people That's right We would like to thank some people by name So Patreon.com So do go on pod

If you want to support the show You can get two bonus episodes a month We announce our live shows First and foremost on there And there's pre-sales Other kind of stuff You get access to the Facebook group Which is very very active these days

is in a lot of fun. And, yeah, also you just have to, you support the show, support primates and support my other podcast, book sheet, all at the same time. And this week I thought maybe we could give them a title like Emperor, you know, a dignitary. There could be some sort of dignitary or a, yeah. Is there enough of them? I can't think of that many, but we'll come up with some. Who wants to kick it off?

I will. Okay, Dave, take it away. I would like to thank right here in Australia from Clarenstown. New South Wales. I love that. It sounds like Matt made it up. Cairns Town. Town full of Clarence.

Yeah, I'm going to be full of Clarence Towns over there. Am I right? From Clarenstown, New South Wales. I'd like to thank. Clarenstown, that is the best. I've never heard of it. I like her. So good.

I'd like to thank Joanna Wade. Joanna Wade. Is that a title? No, I just said that I was going to say their name slowly. Oh, yeah. I like when you commit to a bit. I commit to a bit. Joanna's title is...

What about Viz countess? What's a Viz countess? The female version of a Viz count. What the fuck's a Viscount? Viscount. He's saying it funny for comedy. Get it? I don't get it.

I don't know what a Viscount is. It's like a low-level dignitary guy. I wouldn't use be a count? What's the difference between a Viscount and a count? I don't know. Maybe is it just a more European-sounding one? Cool. I like it. Let's go with it.

It's also a brand of cigarettes, I believe. I'm learning. Well, Viac countess or Viscountess, Joanna Wade. Anna Wade, thank you. It's a ranking above a baron, but below an earl. Okay. Damn right. Damn straight.

But still pretty high up there, can I just say. Yeah, I mean, you're not a peasant. You're above a baron for God's sake. Yeah. And Barron's pretty great fun. Barron's very good. Baron, Baroness. Great metal band, Baroness.

Of course. But of course. I would also like to thank, so thanks to Joanna. I would also like to thank from Perth in Great Britain. Oh, my fan, that's where my Scottish ancestors are from Perthshire. Perth and Kinross specifically. Cool. There you go.

Perth and Kinross. I was one of the 32 council areas of Scotland's lieutenancy area. Well, I think I know what we're going to call him. Christopher Skilling. Skilling. General Christopher Skilling. A switcheroo. Could you be more specific?

General. That took me a sec. Major General Lieutenant Christopher Skilling. Oh, that's big. That's big baby. Thank you so much. Thank you to General Christopher Skilling. Can I thank some people as well?

Please. Thank you so much. I would like to thank. And we don't know where he's from because there's nothing listed here, but that doesn't mean he's not always in our hearts. I think we should say his address is our hearts. Yeah, our hearts. But our hearts are usually in three different places. Right, that's true. So, but when we come together, Mega heart. We've got a heart on. I would like to thank Derek Clooning.

Derek Clooning. Where's, where's Clooning from? Did you say? We don't know. We don't know. He's from our hearts, I understand what you were talking about. Derek Clooning. Clunin. Clunin. Okay. So I think of clunin. I think of Clooney.

Of course. Me too. What's he most famous? What's his most... Nespresso. Nespresso. Okay. So what's...

Coffee. Who drinks coffee? People. Been counter. The count. He's a vampire. Vampire. Derek Clooner.

My favorite row rank. Vampire. Oh. Yeah. We got there. Yeah, what a good title. Is that a title? Vampire.

He's the vampire of our hearts. Yeah. Vampire of our hearts. I do like that, actually. Derek Clooning. Thank you. Take a long walk off of a vampire. Well, I would also like to thank another person from Pierre.

In SD, South Dakota. South Dakota. Alan Haastad. Say that again for me? Alan. And Haastead! Oh, I like that a lot. Thank you.

Alan. Alan. Chief surgeon. Yes. Chief surgeon Alan Haastead. Obviously an honorary title. Alan, do not practice any surgery. Please don't open anybody up.

Yeah, please. But you are the official chief surgeon of Thurgo on. Unless it's an emergency. Yeah, in which case, I mean, yeah, I guess you could try. Is there a doctor on board? On a podcast, I was named a chief surgeon. That'll have to do. Well, does that bring it up to me?

Yeah, it's your turn. Yeah. Well, I'd love to thank all the way from Deutschland. Specifically. In New Mexico. Alden. Oh, wow. In Deutschland.

Oh, do they speak German there? I think they are. Wow. But I think they actually, a phrase it, Sprecken the Deutsch. Oh. Spreckenze Deutsch? Sprecken Zergerman. And I'd love to thank Tina.

Alstrike. Oh. Could you, you know German? Can you, how do you pronounce it? Yeah, you're fluent in German. Well, you got German blood on your hands. Well. Ostride.

I think that's probably as close as I'm going to get. Ostrite. Also, I don't speak a Zegerman. Right. Which I don't speak about for. Is that the surname of one of the, the main character is from American Pie. What?

Ars Stryker, the guy who ended up in the choir. Oh yeah, yeah, I know that guy. I'm looking out, it's a German surname. Notable people with the surname include Elizabeth Oskrike, German middle distance runner, James R. Ostrich, American music critic, Marcus Ostrich, German racing driver, and Nancy Ostrach Lorry, American anthropologist. Huh. There's a few people there, but no one with a title.

And I think we should, the first Ostrike to get a title. title. Yeah. Should be Tina. And what are we going to call it? I would say, oh. Duchess? Oh, Duchess.

I like Duchess. It's nice. That sounds nice, doesn't it? It sounds like you should have tea with them. Yeah, you go have tea with the Duchess. That's like, what's that the, it's Duke and Duchess? Hmm. Right, I wonder where does that rank there, Dave?

Pretty high. It's pretty high. I mean, Duke of Henry. Yeah, Prince Harry is a Duke. Right. Megan is a Duchess. Is she a Duchess? Yes.

But he's also a prince. So it's above or below a prince. I think it sits alongside. Yeah. Right. I see. I'm guessing you. Oh, he's both, I guess.

I don't know. I just wanted to use Duchess before the day was out. Apparently, a Duke is the highest of the five degrees of English nobility. Huh. So I guess that's in a separate thing from King and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like Phillips also, he's also the Duke of Edinburgh. Is that right?

Yes. And then there's the grand old Duke of York who had 10,000 men. They marched him up to the top of the hill and then they marched them down again. Of course. They're named after that man. Yeah. Of course. So thanks to Tina in Deutschland.

How cool that you're listening over there. Awesome. And I think we've almost gone through all the British ones. So maybe the last one there could be four from Vancouver and British Columbia. Katerina. Guittare. Gutara's Gutierrez

Gutierrez Guitars Guitars Guterres Katerina Guterres And so you don't You want to avoid British

Well no we've almost We haven't done King or Queen Or Prince Princess But we've done Duke slash Duchess We've done Countess

Slash Orl We've done Viscount We've done Baron But we haven't done Marquess Marquise machinress? What's that? What do you call that?

What's that on there? What does that mean? I think he's Marquise. Yeah, there's Marquise. Yeah, Marquist, I should say. But then the feminine of it, what's that? I've never seen that before. I'm guessing if I heard it, I'd understand what it was. Marchioness. That's pretty cool. Let's go with that.

Love it. Machoness. Slash CEO of Jess Industries. Oh, gosh. Come on. Oh, Jess, you did not get the gig. Sorry. No, you're CFO.

Yeah. I'm terrible with money. No, no, it's can fuck off. You're fired. We're a startup. We don't do things normally. We do things wacky. We play table tennis.

We work here to death for $5 an hour. We tell her founder to fuck off. Yeah. Can fuck off. We're cooking. Up to you, though. Can. Just an option.

Can. You can fuck off. if you want to, but like we encourage it. So thank you to all the peeps there. Joanna, Christopher, Derek, Alan, Tina, Katerina. Please send in photos wearing your official regal gear. Fantastic. We'll share them with everyone, of course.

Yeah. Of course. But of course. At Jess Industries, we have a very specific uniform. Everybody comes to work in their birthday soon. Nudest, nudist business. Yes. So many lawsuits.

I was watching a TV show last night. I had it on in the radio studio while I was working, so it was very late at night slash very early in the morning. And it was a whole documentary kind of show just about people who worked for like a sex toy company here in Australia. I was like there really isn't that much. The whole pitch here is that what they, like to me, make a TV show about it, it's just that they sell

sex toys. Like it's not that interesting. There's no drama between staff members. They're regular people who work in a call center, but the things they're selling are sex toys. I was like, what is the point of this show? But also, so many inappropriate comments between all of them, like they would get products and like try them themselves, not there in the office, but they'd be talking about it and stuff.

And I was just like, this is a HR nightmare. I mean, you just said it was nothing weird or out of the ordinary happens. No, I know, but just like some of the things I was saying, I was like, if you said that in any other business... Let alone when the cameras are rolling. If you said that in any other business, that you'd be marched straight to H.R.,

but because they are selling sex toys... You can't just walk into an accounting firm and yell, try to new dildo last in my mind. There's no context. Oh, that's how I lost my last three jobs. What do you mean you don't want to hear about it? What is wrong? What is wrong with you people?

It's on my heart or what? That's the interview. Anyway, it was a very strange. Strange show. A bit of fun there. Bit of fun. That does wrap us up. All we've got to say at the end of the episode is thanks for listening first and foremost.

And if you liked it, tell a pal, tell a friend, a chum, your mum. Tell your mum. Pass on the podcast. We often get many, many people getting in contact saying, hey, someone showed me your pod. That's how I found out about it. I think it's probably the number one way people find out about the show. Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

Yeah, totally. That's how I found out about pods as well as people recommending them. That's how I found out about this one. Yeah, we recommend you join us. Yeah, and I was like, I'll give it a go. All right, I'm listening. I'm stuck with you. And if you want to get in contact with us, we've got a website.

We're pretty 20th century. Yeah, do go on. We've logged on. We've hacked a mainframe on too. We're on the world wide web. Do go on pod.com. for all your Dogo On needs. You can find links to our Patreon there, links to merchandise,

which you don't often talk about, but we've got a bunch of stuff you can buy on Red Bubble. You can print our designs on pretty much anything. T-shirts, pants, mugs, iPhone cases, anything. Cushions. Get a cushion. So that's on Do Go OnPod.com as well as links to our Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, all that stuff.

It's at Doogallon Pod if you just want to follow us. And we've got a YouTube channel that Matt's putting up stuff, which is real cool. Yes, which is YouTube.com slash dogoonpod. Everything's pretty much do go on pod. The g-mails do-go-on-pod at gmail.com. But links to all of that are in the description of the show and on that website. Hell yeah, so get in contact, drop us a line. We'd love to hang out.

And you can suggest a topic at any time also. That's the way that people suggested this topic. I'd never heard of it. I brought it in. We had a bit of fun. That's how it works. Great. We had a lot of fun.

The hot tip is to give it a real good pitch. There's a little section in there where you can say why you think it's a good topic. And just a nice, concise, interesting-sounding pitch. that's probably the way to make them stand out. An elevator pitch. Yeah. That's how it works. But thanks so much for listening to the episode.

We'll be back next week with another edition of 2-Go-1. Can you believe that? But until then, I'll say thank you and goodbye. Later. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want, it's up to you. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are

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