Do Go On - 192 - Conman, “Prince” Gregor MacGregor

Episode Date: June 26, 2019

Throughout the 1800s Scottish solider Gregor MacGregor fought in wars across South America before returning home and claiming to be a prince of a country that he'd created called Poyais. He started selling land and shares in what he claimed to be a true paradise on Earth, which was all well and good until hundreds of people wanted to go and live on the land that they'd bought...Tickets to our 200th episode and quiz live in Brisbane August 11 here.Our website: dogoonpod.comSupport the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasREFERENCES AND FURTHER READINGhttps://www.undiscoveredscotland.co.uk/usbiography/mac/gregormacgregor.htmlhttps://www.historytoday.com/miscellanies/gregor-macgregor-prince-poyaishttp://www.bbc.com/future/story/20160127-the-conman-who-pulled-off-historys-most-audacious-scamhttps://www.ancestry.com.au/contextux/historicalinsights/poyais-schemehttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gregor_MacGregor Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

And welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnocky and I'm sitting in a studio with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. Hello, yes. We're still doing this bullshit where it's his name first. Yeah, Matt's still first. Wait, he's going to do it for six months. And then it's my turn? Again, yes.

Then you get six months on, six months off. It's how it always is. We're FIFO. Yeah, that's what we like here. Do you go on. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh, one-two.

Let me just say. A catchphrase I developed on the island of Kocinui. You have done that for many years. Too many years. But it went public. You're very versatile. You can do sound checks. One-two.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. One-two. Check, check. Yes. Uh-huh. They're all my go-to catchphrase. Which is great because I never know what to say when somebody says,

oh, just give me a level. I'm always like, this is me talking. Hello. One, one, one, one. Oh, it's awful. That's so bad. I just start talking normally like, you know, like this. And they go, oh, I have to turn this up so much more.

And then anyone else gets on the market is like, hello! You're calling me a quiet talker? You're a quiet and low talker. Quiet, low talker. Your tone is low. It's a bit of a power move. It's a power move because people have to really shut up and listen. I want them to lean in.

That's mainly the women. lean in ladies Okay yeah Is that what that means? Sure When they say women Neat should lean in They mean to listen to me

Matt Stewart Yeah Yeah That is what I mean Or lean in for smooches Oh If they want Is that what feminism

Is all about these days If they want Okay Yeah it's about You're making your own choice Yeah Lean in and make your own choices Yeah lean in

And give me a smooch If that's what you want to do Lean in and then lay back If you want to have a rest That's up to you That's so fine Either's good Great.

You can lean all the way in until you're lying on your front. I love a front lie. Dave's looking, I'm not concerned. Remaining dangerously quiet. Oh my God, Matt, today I had a juice at a cafe, sorry to break. And the juice was called Sass Queen. Oh. How good is that?

It would have been hard not to. Have that juice. Yeah. Yeah, I'd be an idiot if I didn't order that. Was it delicious? Were you embarrassed to order it? God, no. I have one sass queen and a juice, please.

I said, sass queen for the sass queen. And she went, okay, because everyone does that. Yeah, you look down and there's nine women waiting for their sass queens. Yeah, the point, what made me think of that was that, um, sass twins today. We were already firing on all cylinders. Yeah. And I feel like it's going to be a great episode for us. Because when Dave does his reports, uh, Jess and I become, we form like a two-person

Voltron into the sass queen. Is that it? The SAS twins. Sass twins. Yes. We could never be royalty. No. Anyway, we look forward to that.

This is a show where a report on a topic usually suggested by a listener, which we'll get to in just a second. But first of all, fun announcement. I had a juice. I already did the fun announcement. I told them about the Sass Queen. Move on, Dave. That was great fun. And we want to hear more about that.

All right. It had strawberry, pineapple, watermelon. And there's something else in there. I think. That's sassy. In a mason jar. Love that shit. Yes.

Yes, people are literally on the edge of their seats for this fun announcement. It could be anything. Oh yeah. Okay. Sorry. I've found a cure. Yes. For people that are sad in Brisbane on August 11th because we're coming to your town.

Yeah. We are heading up north of the first time and nearly two years to do a live show at the zoo on August the 11th. In Fortuit Valley. That's, okay. It's not the actual zoo. It's not the Brisbane Zoo. It is the zoo. Brisbane's finest live music venue according to the website.

Did we ask if the zoo zoo was available? There was an administrative error. I thought we were performing in front of a primate enclosure as Matt requested. Yeah. Sadly, we're in Brisbane's best live music venue. I didn't ask for a primate enclosure. I asked for a primate non-inclusion. I wanted to get in there, take down the wall.

Yep. And let man and monkey live as one. Do you reckon we could borrow a monkey from the zoo for the show? I don't, look, I've become in recent times a primate advocate, and I don't think it's very fun or funny of you to suggest that we should have a monkey come into our show as entertainment? No, no, no, I just meant like for their expertise. Oh, okay, yes.

In that case, definitely. Yeah, great. Most of them are professors. The chimps, that is, the apes, the monkeys, idiot. Yes, so soon in summary, and I don't know if I've told you guys this. I'm going to tell you and the listeners at the same time, this could be our 200th episode. Could be?

It could be. It will be. I'm starting right here live. I forgot to mention that off here. We're doing it. Lock it in. Yeah, great. And the way that it's going to work, it's an afternoon show,

and we're going to do the 200th episode first, have a little break, and then we're going to come back with the do-go-on, interactive quiz. Oh, man, we did this in Leeds one time on our UK tour, and it was so much fun. So, so, very. Yeah, in the locker room. Yeah. Something like that. It was so fun.

It was great. Dave came out, nipples showing. Whoa, don't give away my tricks. That's my opener. Matt did some push-ups. I didn't do anything above my pay grade because I won't. I refuse. But I might this time.

Bring the leg press on the stage. We will be pushing a car uphill. Easy, no problem. Live. And yeah, anyway, so August 11, tickets are not quite on sale, but they will be at the, throughout this week sometimes. So keep an eye on our social medias.

Which you can find at Do Go On Pod on either Facebook, Instagram or the other one. Twitter. Twitter. And now we've got an event page on Do Go OnPod.com where that'll be the first place we'll put it. So keep your eyes peeled. Brisbane, August 11. Really hope to see you there. And the following week, Jess and I will remain in town to do three shows.

Have we announced this yet? No, we haven't actually. This is exciting. I think it might be the first time I've ever done a standoff show together. Yeah. So we're doing three nights. I can't remember what nights they are. The venue is...

Hayah. Hey, Abar. We're doing it in Fortitude Valley. Just pad for a sec. And the show's called Razzle Dazzle. I think our shows are the... This is the best professional operation I've ever come across. This is what happens when you organise stuff without me.

It's the Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. So the 12th, 13th and 15th of August. We're going to be doing... some shows. And Wednesday night, you get loose. Yeah. We're going to go crazy. Let's go see a movie on the Wednesday.

Do you want to? Yeah. Cute. Sucked in, Dave. So you can see us three, three, four times that week. And Dave, just at once. I'm a one time only. But it should be a super fun week.

Love Brisbane. Love it lots. Yeah, it'll be great. So come on down, please. And yeah, you'll be able to find details for that. Also probably we'll post it on our social media's, but also our individual ones. But you can find out at Matt'stielcom. dot com slash gigs.

Yeah, let's check it on our website too. We'll put on a dogo on. Great. Just to make it really, really easy. We'll also become a Melbourne fringe with a secret special guest. But more about that later. Say secret.

Okay, sorry. Anyone but Dr. Chim. Okay, let's get into the topic this week. So I've written a report on a topic that you guys don't know what it is. I love it when you write reports, Dave. Thank you so much. Yeah.

Sass Twins, get ready to sass me for this pretty open question. Great. Okay. So the question gets us on the topic. Really, the question is, what is the most Scottish name that you can think of? Oh, um, foe. Bodey McBoat. McGregor.

Yes. Yes. That's the surname. Okay. Okay. Gregor. Connor? No, that's Irish.

All right. Surname McGregor. Haggis. Haggis, McGregor. Willie? McGregor. Red. It's a name that you will love.

It almost sounds like it's a joke name. Scotty. Doesn't get more Scottish than Scotty. Mack McGregor. Give us the first letter G Jared Jeff

G Gourdy You've already said the name In the surname Gregor Gregor McGregor Gregor McGregor McGregor McGregor Gregor McGregor

Gregor You guys got way close than I ever thought you were Fantastic That was teamwork too Yeah Good job I really

I would have said Matt Stewart's Most Scottish name I could think of But I knew it wasn't about me How did you know? I just knew. There's nothing stopping us from doing a report on one another.

Yes, it is. Except that I'm a bloody closed book, mate. Can't get anything out of me. You guys know nothing about me. Do you know anything about Gregor McGregor? Yep. He's got a silly name. This is a really silly name, isn't it?

Would you trust a man called Gregor McGregor McGregor? No. Oh. I'm glad that you would, Matt, because a lot of people in this story do trust him. Right. And I feel like maybe they shouldn't. Hey, that's open to interpretation. No, but I really shouldn't.

I know your face. Yeah. They should have. Yeah. If I could go back in time, it would be the one thing I'd do is tell people not to trust Gregor McGregor. But if anybody here is going to trust someone who's probably untrustworthy, it's going to be Matt. That's true.

Surely. You and I are the big skeptics. There was a VFL coach called Donald McDonald. No. Similar sort of idea. What are your parents thinking? What sort of era is this? When was this?

Oh, 17, late 1780s. Okay. It was a different time. Great. I'm looking forward to this. Yeah, great. Let's get stuck in. This was suggested by just one person, Jen Jen Rosie Dawson. Oh, she loves a double name. From our New South Wales.

Jen Jen Jen Jen. Love your work, Jen Jen Jen. Thanks, Jen Jen. A cracking story, though, I had never come across myself, but here we go. Gregor McGregor was born in the Scottish Highlands, would you believe, on December 24th, 1786. Christmas Eve. I feel so bad for people with Christmas Eve or Christmas Day birthdays. Is it the double present thing?

Then you've got to wait a whole year for it? Or is it that no one's celebrating your birthday? No one celebrating your birthday. Shut up, mate. We're all here for Christmas. Exactly. Yeah, fair enough. Or it's like, Merry Christmas, everyone.

Oh, yeah, no. Happy birthday. Happy birthday, Gregor McGregor. Yeah. They were so caught up in Christmas spirit. They just forgot to think of a good name for their kid, you know? I think that's actually what's happened. Jesus McJesus.

I mean, whatever. Who cares? Merry Christmas. Mac means, does that mean of, of Gregor? So it's Gregor of Gregor of Gregor. The Greger of the Greger. Is that right? Was his dad Gregor?

Gregor. Go we say it like Bogans. Well, his dad, he was the son of a sea captain. Love that. Daniel, Daniel McGregor. And his mother's name was Anne. So quite, you know, pretty normal. It's still very normal, yeah.

But not much is known about his childhood or much about his family background, other than his grandfather was a famous Klansman named in the Gaelic, which translates, his name translates to Gregor the Beautiful. Oh. Beautiful Granddad. I love that. As someone with an ugly granddad. I'm jealous of that beautiful grandpappy.

My life would have turned out so much differently if my grandfather was good looking. Not handsome. It's where it all went long. Beautiful. He followed in his beautiful forefathers fighting footsteps. And yes, I wrote that, four fathers fighting footsteps. And then stopped and applauded. Yes.

Oh, I took a break. I got an orange juice. My goodness. As soon as he could, at the age of 16, he joined the British Army. Despite his young age, he quickly rose. through the ranks and became a lieutenant or lieutenant. He was promoted without purchase, which I didn't know what that means, aka he earned the rank rather than he just bought it.

Oh, shit. So back in the day, rather than there's another rank that he would have to wait seven years for, you know, typically, but you could just buy it on basically day four. I kind of love that. Do you? You would. Afflonez. I'd be Lady Perkins.

Oh, absolutely. I have heaps of disposable ink, cash. I got heaps of it. I got too much of it. Yeah, he just gave some to the police tonight. Well done. No, they gave me a little slip and I said I'll pay them at some point. Pay you later.

You weren't doing that. I don't want to slam you a good name. We're going to do a reporter in the future after the court cases. Yeah, yeah. Right now we can't talk about it. Subduty. Just Perkins versus the Crown. No, do you want to do you want to do? I turned right.

I made a right turn. It sounds like you made a wrong turn. Yeah. Oh, you should be a police officer. That'd be a good little bit. Yeah, you'd be great at that actually, yeah. I'm going to have my officer, Stuart. What, you know, I grab your license.

Broden, sorry. You always go Broden. It became Broden mixed with our good friend Andy Matthews doing an Ozzy accent, too, I believe. Okay. I mean, Andy has an Aussie accent. But when he goes Supra... Oh, yeah, you're right, actually. Supera.

Sorry. Toyota Supra. So he earned his title. He earned his title. He then married the wealthy Maria Beaurea Bawater in 1804 at the age of 18 and they lived for a time in London. Life was good.

After the wedding, however, now he's got money, he chose to buy the rank of captain. Yeah. That's the one that would have taken seven years if he'd worked for it. But he just bought it. He then fought in a few wars. His final stand being in Portugal

in 1810 during the Napoleonic Wars or he served in the 57th foot regiment before retiring from the army in 1810. Whereafter he got his money back that he'd bought the rank with. So that's quite, you get your money back. Oh, okay. What I would do is buy my way to the top so I didn't have to go on the battlefield. Yeah.

Plus, you're great at admin. Yes, I do all the administrator stuff and then I'd say, now I retire, get the money back. You're great at sending young men to their deaths. Yeah. Yes, but I don't want to be one of those deaths. It's kind of like a term deposit. It'd be good if it earned some interest while it was in there too. Oh, that would be good.

It'd be good. And they're like, well, we're giving you money for a general. Yeah. You just paid for a major. That's good. Do you get to sell it or on sell it to someone else? That'd be good. Yeah, that would be good.

High's bitter. It sounds like it's weird that they don't still have that, a system where any idiot can buy their way to the top of the army. Feels like that was a really good system. Yeah, it's a great system. And I think it makes a lot of sense. And I think it would ensure that all the best people had the power. Exactly.

That's how you get promoted for your money. Yeah. Am I right? Finally, we're talking sense. When I say I love it, I think I love that that existed. and if that was their system, exactly that, like just wealthy people getting all the power. I'm like, fine, this is what you deserve.

You deserve people to just buy the title of general. I'm the boss now. No, I'm the boss. They're just outbidding each other. That's great. Constantly outbidding. Yeah, like you're general for a day until somebody else wrangles some more cash.

10 grand, I can't afford that. Damn it, saluting them. God, I hate this. So you left the 57th Regiment in 1810. Then the next year in 1811, the 57th foot regiment were put on the map and forever nicknamed the diehards after an incident in Portugal. The high-ranking lieutenant colonel William Inglis was wounded by canister shot. Despite his significant injuries, Inglis refused to retire from the battle, but remained with the other soldiers encouraging his men with the words, Die hard, 57th! Die hard!

The troops were absolutely smashed by the enemy, but held their line against the approaching French, before retreating and against all odds the Brits actually won the battle the diehards became the regiment's nickname and it became a bit of an army legend and our man Gregor McGregor would go on to use his association with this group of badasses to his advantage

despite not having been there during the incident. Great. He'd tell people yeah, everyone on the 57 foot regiment they go oh my god the diehards you'd be like yeah served in Portugal. I mean I guess you could call us diehards but we just call us the 57 regiment because we're pretty humble battle I guess but yeah I can have the people have called with

I guess. I mean, if that's your word, that's what you want to call me. Yipikai a motherfucker, I'm right? But, um, so. Is that where that comes from? Yes, it totally is. Ah. That's, that's the kind of, kind of guy we're dealing with here. Cool.

Loves to talk himself up a little bit. I love that. But in 1810, now 23, he returned home to Scotland and lived for a time in Edinburgh, attending the title of Colonel before moving back to London and giving himself the title of Sir Gregor McGregor. Also, he'd retired by 203. 23. Yeah. Fuck yeah.

That's the dream. That's the dream. And rather than retire, he just told everyone I'm a sur, even though he wasn't a sur. I hope I can retire by the time I'm 23. That's even smarter than buying a title, just having a title. Yeah, I got it now. That's way cheaper. What do you mean?

Good luck. Good luck with retiring 23. Thank you. Yeah. So can I not say something sincere on the show for once? Oh, it didn't sound very sincere. But now that I've quizzed you a little harder and you've explained. yourself, I understand.

Quiz hard, boys. Quiz hard. And from now on, the quiz hard. Sexual trivia team. So he's calling himself so he failed, however, to fit in with the upper classes. His wife, the wealthy one, died in 1811. Because her family was the cash cow, he soon found himself without a proper income. How did he die?

How did she die? She was young. People died young back then. Oh, yeah, good point. Mystery illness. Mystery because I don't know what it was. War was all he ever knew, so he went back to war. But he'd only just left the British Army.

He couldn't really go back that soon, so he decided to fight for a private army. He'd heard of the numerous revolts by the people in South America against their Spanish rulers, so sold up his Scottish estate and sailed for the continent in 1812, landing in Venezuela. Oh. A couple of months after his arrival, he quickly married.

Donna, Jos... Sophia, Antonia, Andreas, Aristogeta, E. Lavera. Aristigeta. Yes. It's a fun name to say. It's a very fun name to say. She was the daughter of a very prominent family and a cousin of the soon-to-be revolutionary hero, Simon Bolivar. The man who led revolutions against Venezuela, Colombia, Ecuador, Peru, Panama and Bolivia, which is named after him.

So he's married well again. God, he does that well, doesn't he? He's good at marrying well. Again, another thing I'd like to do. Just marry well. Just marry the cousin of like a man who's about to become the most famous local of that century. Yeah, because you don't want to marry the most famous person because then it's like, ugh, the hullabaloo.

No, but in a few years time, this person will be. So you're like, oh, I'm not a bandwagoner. I wrote his cousin years ago. So right now you want to marry Donald Trump's cousin. Yeah. You want to do that five years ago? Five years ago. When you're 23.

No. Yeah. I guess. Should have done it. Should have retired. Why you had the chance. You stuffed it. I know.

I could have retired then too. Were you hanging out with Donald? Of course. Cars of Donald? Yeah. Yeah. I was in all the good circles. Then I came back here and decided to do a podcast.

That was a good, fucking decision on it. Yes. Anyway, do you go, I guess. Because of McGreg. He was a soldier in the British Army and he's association with the famous die-hard, which he was very happy to tell everyone that he was part of. Di-Hard!

He was given the rank of Colonel immediately and then Brigadier General. Ligadier. And given command of a battalion. So they were just like, cool. You're in the army? You know what you're doing? Here you go.

But the revolution wasn't going so well at this point and McGregor had to retreat to an island with the famous Simon Bolivar. But growing bored, he dropped his wife off safely in Jamaica and then went in search of more action and wound up in what is today, Colombia. He was part of the defense of the city of Cartagena or Cartagena, and when he returned to Jamaica, he was heralded as a hero.

Apparently, he may have exaggerated his role in the city's defense, possibly claiming that it was all him when it wasn't all him. But people welcomed him with open arms. Oh, that's nice. When he said, I'm a hero, they said yes. You're a hero. Correct. I like that.

I like trusting people because they're easy to manipulate. Maybe you would trust this guy then. No. He sounds pretty great so far. I just like trust. I like, oh no, I like people who trust. Oh, you like the trusting people. I don't like to trust people.

Yuck. Yeah, gross. Oh, feelings. Yucky. In another battle, his reputation and legend grew even further when he led an army of 1,200, mostly local native arches, on a daring escape through the Venezuelan jungle. They were hotly pursued by two Spanish armies through some of the toughest terrain on earth. One day, McGregor deployed his 1,200 arches behind a marshes.

and a stream and waited for their enemy. The Spaniards cavalry got bogged down to the marsh and after three hours of picking them off with arrows, McGregor's men charged on the Spaniards and won the battle. Amazing. So they were heavily outgunned. They continued on their journey and finally made it to their destination of the Venezuelan city of Barcelona after 34 days of walking through jungle.

34 days? Yeah. Ugh. Like half a day is enough, you know? Have a look around. Stop for a picnic lunch. I think they would have seen everything they needed to see. 34 days.

You've overstated. Come on. You haven't bathed in that time? You've been on a holiday in the last week? You're kind of like, I wish I was home now. It's like going to Vegas for more than three days. Oh, that fourth day. What are you doing?

Yeah. What are you doing for five days? What were you doing the fourth and fifth days? I was hanging out for leaving. Yeah. Feeling horrible about everything. Yeah. Similar at Octoberfest, they live five days as well.

Why? How long does Octoberfest go for? A few weeks. Ah. Wow. A few weeks. But yeah, five days of it's too much. But then when you get home you go, I wish I was back there.

Yeah. Of course. My stomach recovered. Yeah. That's it. Even in like the fourth day in Coosemui, I was irritable and cranky and all on edge just because of all the sugar and alcohol. I was like, oh, I need to get out. Oh, my strategy was just to keep drinking Pinacoladas no matter what.

No matter what my body was telling me. Your body was like, please have some water. No. Pinacolata. I need to say, I need. more milky pineapple alcohol.

Absolutely. Get it in me. Get it in me. And you did and we're proud of you for that. Thank you so much. I had so many.

You really did. It's something your body does not want to need. I don't think I saw him without a pinocalada in his hand the whole time. Did you?

Yeah. It was really committing to a bit. Oh yeah. I wanted in to his room one night to watch him sleep as I routinely do

and he was holding a pinacolada. Straw in my mouth. Really? How did you not suffocate? Well, the straw. I had two straws. One in my mouth and one out like a snorkel. That makes sense.

That does make sense. Circular breathing. So he's walked through the jungle for 34 days, survived against all odds. Simon Bolivar, the leader of the revolution, congratulated him. He said, quote, and a letter to him, The retreat which you had the honor to conduct

is, in my opinion, superior to the conquest of an empire. please accept my congratulations for the prodigious services you have rendered my country. End quote. He was made divisional general for this effort, having only just ticked over to 30 years old. So he's done quite a lot. Oh, man. In short, the retreat made him a bit of a celebrity around South America.

So he's really living it up at this stage. Great. But he's got a Scottish accent. Can anyone understand him? I don't think they can. That's part of the entry. He tells all these stories like four hours. a story and people like didn't understand a word but wow he meant it. God, it was beautiful.

A lot of passion. So many gestures and facial expressions. He just kept like doing like a bow and arrow signal. I was like cool. Yes. McGregor. In 1820, McGregor and some associates landed in Nicaragua in a place now known as the mosquito coast. Ugh. Sounds like a nightmare. I've written here a lovely name for what is by all accounts, a lot of lovely, lovely place. Ah, okay. It is not. It was a swamp and mosquito-ridden land

inhabited by the mosquito people, descendants of shipwrecked African slaves and indigenous people that had come together. The land was supposedly ruled by King George Frederick Augustus. It had earlier technically come under the British Empire but proved too tough to actually colonize

so over time it just been abandoned. Mosquito people. Yeah, I love that. That's a real good. But there's your first sign that the land is absolutely shithouse. The empire that is claiming every bit of land they can get during this era is like, not for us. No, thanks. You know what?

Just leave it. Don't worry about it. But on the 29th of April 1820, local king, George Frederick Augusta, signed a document granting Grega McGregor and his heirs, a large piece of the mosquito territory, which was equal to 12,500 square miles or 32,000 square kilometers. So, so big. in exchange for rum and jewelry. You got all that land. For context, that is an area that is larger than all of Wales. Right.

In exchange for rum and jewelry. Again, putting into context how shit this land is. No one wants it. Honestly, he's just traded it for a gold watch and one peanut collars. And that's a good deal. That's a good deal, King. Dave, would you give up one of your peanut colladas for that much land? No.

But I would give up Wales for a pinocallad. Good luck. to you guys. Good luck. I'm sorry, but the peanut collada was calling. That makes sense. Papa needs a pinacolada.

You've tried one and develops an addiction like I had. You'd understand. Yeah, I was going hard on the Mai Tai's. You love those. Yeah, that's Mytai. That's good shit. What's a Mai Tai? Is that mint?

I'm not even sure. It was orange. Orange, okay. Yeah. I'm thinking about someone else. What is the mint one? Mejito. Had a couple of sex on the beach as well.

And a drink. Oh, wow, really. Sand in your underpants. We had a good time. We did have a bloody good time. So now we technically owned this land. He hurried home to the UK to find potential investors to develop it. Jeez.

That's his big get-rich quick scheme. On the way home, he came up with a title for the land and himself. The new paradise would be called Poet. And he would be known as the Prince of Poet. Oh, I like that. How's Poet spell? P-O-Y-A-S. Love it.

Poye. He comes from a name of the indigenous people of the area, and he called himself the Cazique, which is a Spanish-American word for chief equivalent to Prince. Right. So by the time he got home, he's like, I'm just a prince. I'll just say Prince. They won't get it.

They won't, if I'm like, I'm the Cazique of Poet. One, what the hell's Poet? Two, what the fuck's a Cizek? Yeah. Mate, you've gone loopy. So he's like, I'll pander to these idiots. Prince of Poyet. Poyet.

He claimed that the mosquito king had given him the title, but in reality the title was very much self-styled. He'd just been given the land. Yep. The king never mentioned that you could be a prince. On his return home, he found his stories of jungle warfare up until this point were largely unknown back home. So he's a massive deal in South America, but back home, no one's heard of him.

We can't have this. I reckon I know what he might do. What do you reckon? Tell everyone. Yeah, he's a fantastic self-promoter. He quickly became known of his stories And rumours began to spread That he was somehow actually related

To the indigenous mosquito people Despite the fact that he looks and sounds Scottish Incredibly Scottish His name is Gregor McGregor But now he's the Cazique of Poet This rumour was further enhanced When his Venezuelan wife, Josephia, now known as the princess of Poet

Of course Arrived with their newly born son People were like, well, you must be Royalty You must be royalty What's that based on a woman? woman and a baby. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. She looks Venezuelan. Your child looks half Venezuelan. You must be related to the mosquito king. It makes sense. This coupled with his association with the diehards that I mentioned before meant he was welcomed with open arms and invited to speak of his adventures all across England and Scotland.

That must be nice. He went on a bit of a speaking tour. I love a speaking tour. And on this tour, he spoke of Poire as if it was a new country. And for context, during this time, in England, South America was obviously a very, very long way away. It was literally basically a different planet. And seen as a place where countries were redrawn

and governments were founded and overthrown every day. Lots of revolutions happening. So it wasn't that inconceivable that this Scott was actually the leader of a new country. Sure. Now you question a lot more, I guess. I question everything now. It's a big part of my personality. I'm very skeptical.

You too. Wouldn't you say that, Matt? Because of this podcast? I don't know. Would I say that? No. Do I believe you? He described this new country as a paradise, and that's how he sold it. Did he use that cold play song as he's...

The scientists? Yeah. What's your favorite cold play? I was the scientist. Thank you, Shane Warren. What's your favorite cold play? What an idiot. Do we need to give any context to that?

Nah. Shane Warren. Yeah, look it up. Shane Moore. One of the greatest cricketers of all time. He had a talk show in Australia for about six weeks. And one of the, maybe the first episode, he interviewed Chris Martin from Coldplay. And there's a Tony Martin on his radio show played this clip so many times.

But he asked, shame won't ask Chris Martin, what's your favorite Coldplay song? Mine's a scientist. He jumped in before. Shock on that one. It was someone going to read about how he, it was like he just thought of it all of a sudden. Everything about it was so funny. He's also actually very close friends with Coldplay because I once went to see them.

And they were like, please welcome special guest. Shane Warn Yeah and he played the bass He played a harmonica solo I'm not even kidding In what song Some older acoustic number I can't remember it now

What song has a harmonica in it And what song has a solo Easy enough as Shane Worn to master It was one note The Mosquito Coast I got to do a Shane Worn episode one day He's got some stories

He does His kids went to school My mum works at And so she'd see him all the time Liz Hurley came in one time What? Mum met Liz Hurley Liz Hurley from Austin Powers

Insane Really? Yes Your mum My mum She's real Don't look into it Met Ivana Humplot

Or whatever it was Dave Do you go on Vanessa Vanessa Humplot What's that name Vanessa? Vanessa Amorosi Is that right?

Amarossi. Amarossi. Amarossi. Please. You're both looking it up now. Vanessa Kensington. I'll just look for it. There's no Humplot.

There was a... I've on a Humper lot, though. There was, okay. Love that that is a parody of a film that also has a name, Pussy Galore. Yeah. I mean, what's left to parody?

That's a terrible name. And she was a pilot. Love her. Yeah, Pusical Law was cool. She was really cool. And she was, she like, she wasn't into him. No, she like tried to kill him. Like in a terrible way, of course.

But then, you know. Anyway, if you want to hear about BOSSop, go back to our Bond episode. Yeah, sorry about that. About a hundred episodes back. This week we're talking about the second sexiest Scottish man. Not Sean Connery, but Gregor McGregor. So he's selling this country like it's at Paradise.

He also claimed that he'd established the infrastructure of the new country already. But his new nation needed settlers and investment, and he wanted to give residents of London, Glasgow and Edinburgh, a first chance to benefit from the opportunity. So he's like, I'm doing you a favour. Right. It's a real infomercial style salesperson. McGregor said that he'd come to London to attend King George IV's coronation

on the Poyer's behalf. And whilst he was there, he wanted to seek investment and immigrants for Poyer. So he was not invited, by the way, to King George. Which one's George the 4th? How far back are we now? Is this early 1800s? Lizzie's great-granddad or something? I'm not even.

No. Granddad? No way. Okay. Well, no way. Great, great-granddad. Maybe great, great-great-great. All right.

Doesn't matter. It doesn't. But we appreciate your contribution. Thank you. People needed to know that you. You're still here. I'm not very well. I know, but you're doing great.

Thank you. A fantastic self-promoter, I'm going to say that again, just because he's so good at. He published interviews in national papers outlining the many benefits that would come from investments or settlers in Poet. Using every medium at his disposal, he even had Poet-related ballads composed and sung on the streets of London, Edinburgh and Glasgow. Oh, that's smart. Yeah, he's like creating his own hype. Poet, Poet-Poye-E! It's great! Yay, four, yay!

He also appealed to the Scottish Highlanders' hardiness and adventurous spirit. The BBC writes, quote, he highlighted the bravery and fortitude that such a gesture would demonstrate. You wouldn't just be smart, you'd be a real man. And I read that and I was like, I have to settle there. I am a man. Yeah, you are a man. You got a bit of a beard now.

You do have to qualify it with a bit of a beard. It's coming in. Three weeks in, people. It's not a Matt Stewart. it beard. Committing to a bit, committing to a beard. Matt does that in a couple of days.

No. No, I reckon you're well on your way there, mate. I could say a few more months and you'll have a real bush. You're my beard, you're my beard idol. You are my beard idol. Bit idle? What am I your idol of?

Good. No, fuck you. You had to think about it too much. No. No. Sorry, lower leg strength. If I could push a car up a hill. Lower leg.

Yeah, my ankles are really sharp. Lower body. That's the secret is the ankle I hear. Yeah, yeah. My ankles are fucking tough. Push a truck up a hill of an ankle. Ancles are steel. That's what they call you.

He also created an elaborate backstory for this new country. He drew up commercial and banking rules and processes, designed distinctive uniforms for each regiment of the Poet Asian army, as well as a flag and a coat of arms. Poet Asian sounds funny. Great, isn't it? Poetia. Matt, have a go.

Poia Asia. He said, I think you got it right. Poetiae. He also described Poetia as a utopian paradise with a perpetual summer. Oh. The earth was fertile and could grow three crops in a year. The rivers were clean and drinkable and full of gold and ready to make the inhabitants wealthy beyond their wildestream.

He's just completely bullshitting, isn't he? Yes. Would he lie to the good people of Scotland and England? Yes, he gives himself new titles every week. He said plantations of sugar, coffee and cotton had already been planted. Fruit hung from every tree. Fish and game were so plentiful that a man could hunt or fish for a single day and bring back enough to feed his family for the next week.

He claimed the natives were just so cooperative, they were intensely pro-British. Oh my God. It was ready to go. When does that ever happen? I know. There was even a royal palace, parliament building. What?

And an opera house and cathedral that he'd already built. He'd just had. needed people. Is he just kind of banking on the fact that once they get there, it's too far to go back, so they're stuck there? I don't know how far ahead he's thinking at this stage. Yeah, he just starts talking and then he's just enjoying the conversation. He's just enjoying the attention.

He's enjoying the words coming out of his manner. And he's enjoying that people can understand him again. Yeah, he's loving it. Thousands of books and pamphlets were printed to promote the utopia and people were sold. The ideal of a tropical paradise is very appealing to Brits in a cold climate, especially after many years of war. People just wanted to get away.

We all need a break. All right. You know? And after four days, you've had enough. Yeah, I've had enough. Give me back to the cold. And now you hear how you feeling? Oh, I'm so cold.

Oh, it's so awful. Need a break. Cycle continues. McGregor began selling shares in his new country and business was so good that offices were opened in London and Edinburgh. Land in Poyer was sold over the counter at 14. shillings an acre and by October 1822, he had raised a loan of over 200,000 pounds. Equivalent now to well over half a billion pounds.

Holy shit. That's how much money people put up. So that's people putting in money and banks being like, yeah, we'll end your money to build this thing. So that means he could build it now, maybe. Well, yes. And so they're, sorry, they're buying land. Yeah.

So people are saying like, we'll move there. Yeah. And he's like, great, four acres, four shillings. No worries. and people are like, great, we've got land now. Because he's got thousands and thousands of acres. That's insane. I wonder if they get to choose where their land is?

Like, I want beachfront. How much for beachfront? There's got to be two shillings in a year for that. I think I saw a movie once with Nicole Kimman and Tom Cruise, I think. And they had to, there was a race. And they had, everyone was lined up with horses and stuff. And whoever got to bits of land first got to keep it. Maybe it'd be like that.

Maybe. I remember in the opening scene of that race starting, everyone's up with horses and one guy's on a penny farthing on this rough hilly terrain. He didn't make it very far, very good comedy. Tom Cruise has done it again. Is this a comedy film?

I shouldn't be right that bit. I don't think so. I think it was a critically pan film. It was called like Far and Away or something like that, home and away. And I bet they're usually on. Far and away is a worst film yet. Yeah.

Yeah, I bring himself up for that. The best part of a critic's job is turning the title into negative, a negative comment about the piece of art that people have actually put effort into. Critics aren't anything, you're fucking dogs. Anyway, give us a review on iTunes, thanks so much. So he's raised all this money and many people invested their life savings in the idea. Four shillings. It's a real, it's a real punty scheme.

I mean, get some more shillings. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? four more shilling. Get some more. But if people did that, they'd buy four more acres. Ah, yes. Yeah, this is amazing.

He also published a 350-page guidebook to Poethe. Too many pages. He's got a full lonely planet on it. I'm bored already. It claimed to be an ideal place to settle, very pro-British, and amazingly, and they emphasize this, free of tropical diseases. Mesquito. If you have to say that.

He's written a 350-page fiction. He's written a sci-fi novel. He's basically written, you know. It doesn't... Completely futuristic. Should be spending some of that time building the cathedral and stuff. Yeah, and the opera house he promised. And maybe getting on side with the natives who apparently so pro-British.

And also planting gold in the river. Oh, yeah, which is drinkable and full of gold. Love it. What a combo. Love that. So, wait, so I think I wasn't paying heaps of attention. So he's not, is he not actually a prince at all? No, he gave himself that title.

No, no, he just bought a bit of land in exchange for rum. And then said, I'm the prince of this land. And the land is like horseship. Okay. It's mostly horseshit. Oh my God. On the surface and then you dig down a little bit, more horseshit. More horseshit.

Just older horseshit? Yeah, it's gone a bit white. Oh, no. That's not good at all. Okay, well this seems like he's been quite dishonest then. And Matt's back. He's caught up. Basically, that was the recap.

For you and anyone else who zoned out. I thought the main thing he had done was just have the infrastructure, but he doesn't have anything. No, he's got nothing. Oh, he's got the land. Right. He has a land. Well, a piece of paper that says he's got the land.

Yeah, and he's calling it a new country. Yeah. And that he's the prince of that new country. Because it is the size of whales. Yeah, it's huge. Yeah. He's got a lot of land. Yeah.

But it's shit land with nothing on it. Nothing on it. But he's saying you can farm once a week. You can hunt once a week. one day work week and feed your family for the whole week. Okay. That sounds pretty good. I'm in.

How much for she links? Oh God. No. Matt, no. A lot of people... Give me your wallet. Okay. Well, a lot of people like Matt here invested and people were eager to travel to the

new paradise that they'd bought into. Oh, no. On the 10th of September 1822, the first party of 50 settlers sailed from Leith on a ship called the Honduras packet. They were followed a few months later in January by approximately 200 more passengers. Several hundred more had signed up for future ships, but these were the first to sail. Oh my God.

It's heartbreaking. You would, so unlucky to be the first time to get there before the word gets back. Yeah. Doctors, tradesmen and a prominent London mayor or mayor had all signed up. Mayor. Mayor. Mayor. John Mayer was on board.

A cobbler from Edinburgh accepted the post of official shoemaker to the princess of poyeet. Essential. If you're having 50 people come along. You need the official cobbler to be in the tentative. What are you going to make shoes out of? They probably said, I've got a shoe factory ready to go. It's got everything you need. I wonder if he's forgotten by this stage that there's nothing there.

He's like he gets to go, what the hell's happened? Where's the operator? What? I'm as shocked as any of you. You got more. The first 50 people were supposed to get a Ferrari. Where are they? I'm more shocked.

Oh no. The king's stolen them all. It's on the Ferraris and the infrastructure. He burnt down the cathedral. Before sailing, many changed their pound sterling into poire dollars printed by McGregor himself. Yeah. He's hand-drawn them. I think he printed 70,000, 70,000 notes of it.

And then people would trade it. Basically, it does remind me of that scene in The Simpsons where they go to itchy and scratchy land and change all their money for itchy and scratchy dollars. And then they go into the park and there's signs everywhere saying, Itchy and scratchy dollars is not acceptable here. But, well, in his defence, pounds are also useless in a place that has zero shops as well. That's true. Yeah, okay. You're changing paper for paper this stage.

Yeah. You're buying some decorative paper, basically. Yeah. Beware of a fortune now, that point a dollar's already. Anything left. Then McGregor saw them off, wishing each settler luck before they departed as they boarded a ship adorn with the flag. He's not going. Oh, he's not going.

So what are they supposed to do when they get there? Well, they'll be welcomed by all the locals. Oh, my God. They're just being sent there with nothing and no... They're being sent on a ship with a flag that he drew, using money that he also drew, and he's wished them luck. Oh, my God. He's not even going.

He's like, I'll see you guys there later. I've got to do a bit more business here. Yeah, I'll be on... I'm right behind you. I'll be on ship 10 or something. Yeah, I'm right behind you. Be there in a few months. But don't worry.

You'll all get a complimentary beverage. on arrival. Speak to reception if you have any other questions. No worries. Here's a token for 20% off the mini bar. There's nothing there. There's nothing there. He's sending these people to their death.

Well, after months at sea, they finally made it to their destination and all prepared to disembark to their new home, all now wearing their best outfits. Of course, because they think. Oh, this is my first, I'm going to be meeting, because there are people that live there. He actually claimed at one stage there's 20,000 people already live there, but it's so big we need way more. So they're expecting to waltz into this new town. Like a fully built town and they're like, you know what?

My first day there had a good sleep on the ship. I'm going to hit up the opera. Sunday best. That's what everyone's wearing. But when they landed, they didn't exactly find the paradise that had been promised to them. Instead, all they saw was Nicaraguan swamp, surrounded by inhospitable dense jungle and a few native people who weren't that happy to see them. Wouldn't it be wild if they got there and there was like a cathedral?

That would be so good. And then he gets word that it's great. And he's like, oh. Whoa, I'm a god. It was also blisteringly hot. Oh, my God. Apparently at first they weren't alarmed thinking they'd just landed at the wrong spot. Yeah.

Then some vented inland to try and find the established city. But of course, it just wasn't there. In short, it was all barren wasteland. Some began to suspect that they'd been duped, but most didn't want to admit that and tried to blame someone else. It's been some sort of mistake. You know, someone screwed us over. But no one's blaming Greg and McGreg.

A lot of people are like... He would never do this to us. He's talked about it so much. He's been lied to. The ship pilot. What do you call them? Captain. The ship pilot.

The captain screwed up. Well, a few weeks after you are right. He ran out of the ship. He just paid for that title. Sea pilot. He didn't know. He didn't know anything. I've never been on a ship in my life.

Water pilot? Water pilot. Sea pilot. I don't know what I like better there. Sea pilot sounds cool Sea pilots fun Ocean tram driver Yes ding ding

But it's more like Because it's in the water Yeah Bell's underwater Sound like Someone talking underwater Yeah No of course

A phone ringing A phone ringing underwater Yeah Well speaking of the captain A few weeks after their arrival The captain of the Honduras Packet abruptly And unilaterally sailed away

Amid a fierce storm The Immigrants found themselves alone apart from some natives. And when they spoke to the local king, he had no idea who they were. They were like, Gregor McGregor. Is this ringing any bells? Prince of Poet.

So he doesn't even remember selling the land. Because he was like, I don't know what you're talking about. They're like, oh, okay. So hang on, that was the king who'd given Grega McGregor the land. Yeah, they spoke to him. And he's got no recollection of it. Well, I think he knows he gave the guy land, but they're like, the prince, the cities.

And he's like, what the hell are you doing about? These people have been drinking seawater. Yeah, what's wrong with you? Then the second ship arrived a few weeks later again and dropped more settlers off but also quickly left so they were now all stranded. They had supplies and could survive for a time, but then the rainy season hit and it became a hell on earth. Tropical disease, which they were told didn't exist,

also quickly took hold and the camp were decimated by malaria and yellow fever. Those are not fun ones to have. No. A ship from Honduras discovered the settlers a month later and found that seven men and three children had already, died and most of the town in advert of comments was sick. Survivors were rescued in relays because the ship couldn't take them all and brought to the English colony in Belize to recover.

Even so, two thirds of the original 250 people died. Oh my God. At least 180 people never made it home. Jeez. Sheesh. Holy crap. I knew that's insane. He's like, he's a serial killer.

Yeah. And if it could get worse, the worst part of it near, are the ship? were already on their way. No. The authorities on Honduras had to intercept and warn these other ships that the whole thing was a hoax before they too were taken ashore and left to die.

In all, they had to stop and send back seven more ships, almost certainly saving hundreds of lives in doing so. Wow. So, yeah, they just couldn't let them land because basically most of the captains would drop them off and then go back and they'd look around and go, oh shit.

Yeah, wait! They didn't have flares back then. Oh, my God. The pants or the gun thing. So you get off, you go, oh, it must have dropped us off in the wrong spot. Yeah. Without the flares, the pants, all the coming, which I got on delay. It wasn't bad.

My brain's working about 15 seconds behind. As opposed to the usual six. Six and a half. Yeah. He's gotten down from seven, though. You've got an eight and a half delay today. Yeah. He's doing well.

50 of the original surviving settlers eventually returned to London in October 1823. 50. Sorry. 50. 50. And within a day, the newspapers were full of the story of Poire exposing the hoax to the public. Because again, it's on the other side of the world.

So until this point, it's been under wraps. Where the fuck is Gregor? Meanwhile, the Prince Architect, Prince Gregor McGregor, had quietly disappeared. Fuck off. But what he did. He... About six and a half.

I'm in a Matt Stewart level. That's very funny. He did fuck off. But he didn't lay a loaf for long, however. He soon appeared in France where he started the scheme again. What? Now selling Poetier to wealthy Parisians. He's the monorail guy from the 16th.

Yeah, he totally is. Totally. North Havenerbrook, where have I heard of that before? In 1825, he raised another 300,000 pound loan. It's just even more than before. And sold shares in the colony to French people. people again prepared to travel to the country but the government became suspicious

when 30 of its citizens asked for passports to travel to a place that never heard of McGregor's secretary was arrested and then he went into hiding McGregor was eventually arrested as well and after a lengthy trial was acquitted and set free Why? Thank God justice was done

Yeah So he returned home to England where a lot of people were still very, very pissed off with him I think what happened was he bought the title of judge. Yeah. So he ended up being in charge of that case. This case dismissed.

We're quitting him. Yeah. In fact, give him money. Yeah. How much money you got? Give it to him. So he went back to England. People were very pissed off with him and he was almost immediately arrested there.

Somehow, possibly due to corruption. A week later, he was again set free. Fuck. Despite having killed like 180 people and like fleeced so many people of their life savings. But that's the thing. He's got so much money. he can just bribe people. Yeah.

Absolutely. And he also had these powerful friends. He continued to try and swindle people with the idea of populating Poetet but the idea never quite took off again. In fact, he now had to compete with other swindlers who are also selling the idea of Poetet. What? Copycats. People have copycatted.

He'd be like, no, no, they're making it up. Mine's real. His is slightly more real because he does own the land. Yeah, that's right. He's like, at least I've been there. What does he think? Does he think it's a good idea or is he completely full of shit and just after the money? I feel like he could be a tiny bit delusional.

Well, it's actually been speculated over the years that McGregory himself may have started to believe the bullshit he was peddling. Yeah. Or at least hoped he was able to forge a paradise with the settlers that are brought into it. But if that was the case, would you just keep doing it over and over and over? I could understand maybe the first one when you get in too deep. Yeah. But then he just went to France after nearly 200 people died.

Because when he, yeah, when he left, he should have paid for a ship. and a big crew to come with him started building it if he wanted to. Yeah. If he was actually wanting to build it. I think at the point where you find out that so many people had died, maybe you go,

oh, that might have been a bad idea. That's probably where I'd start to think. But he went to France, did it again, then came home and kept trying to do it on a lower scale. Yeah. Oh, no, the issue isn't that I sent them to an abandoned wasteland. It's that there weren't enough people. So if I just get some more people, it'll work itself out.

Yeah. It's a numbers game. Yeah, it is. As all pyramid schemes are. By 1839, realizing that the heyday of his schemes were over, he reached out to his old pal, Carlos Sublette, who had become a high-ranking official in Venezuela and applied for citizenship,

so a mate from his army days. Right. He travelled to Venezuela where he was reinstated in the rank of general of division and awarded a pension for his service in the War of Independence. Fuck sake. He lived there until 1859, where he died at the 8th,000. age of 59, having never faced justice for his crimes. Quite happy he died in 59 at the age of 59.

Actually, those maths don't quite work out. Damn it! 1786, I've just realised that. So when he says it doesn't quite work out it, that's... Doesn't work out a lot. He's on a 14-year delay. Well, he died in 1859 around the age of 73, so he had quite a long life. And he never faced justice for his crimes.

He just got away with it all, despite the meddling kids. That's fucked. And that's the story of the most Scottish man in history, Grega McGregor. Wait, hang on. Most Scottish named man. No. You think that's the most Scottish trait is killing a lot of people in a weird scheme? No, I think the most Scottish trait is holding a grudge and never getting over it.

I'll never get over you saying. Dave, that was great. What a crazy story. That's insane. They just sent shiploads of people there. I guess it's pre-picketts. But even now, I wouldn't trust pictures because I'd be like, well, they're photoshopped. Pictures existed.

Oh, yeah. Did they? Pictures? Did people have eyes? I mean, draw it, sure, yeah. But you can make that up with your imagination. Yeah. You can draw anything.

I hope you did. Name something. Gregor McGregor. I could draw that easy. All right, go on. Have a go. Have a go. I'm only good at stick figures, but in my eye.

Oh, Gregor McGregor is a funny looking fella. My artistic interpretation, that is Grega McGreg. No wrong answers in art, mate. Yeah. Which I always found weird when I studied art in VCE. I was like, why, how are you scoring my art? Yeah, they did that. It's subjective.

I think we're... Trust me, it's great. If you don't have the, um, the academia to back it up, right? Then it's, then it's just a drawing. But if you can write a thesis about why this triangle means something, then it's art. Okay. Ah, that's where I went wrong. You just have to back it out with lots of words and a degree.

Got it. Jeez, that's going to annoy some people. I don't know what I'm talking about. Dave, fantastic. Fantastic report. Fantastic. Thank you so much. Who was that suggested by again?

Jen Jen Jen. Jen, that's right. Thank you, Jen Jen Jen. Well done. Jennifer McGregor. Jennifer McGenerifer. Jennifer Jen Jennifer. And if you have any other wild stories from history that we may, you know, may not be aware of,

You can always chuck them in the hat at any time. Do go onpod.com. There was a slight hint of the, there's been a few where it's been a big ship journey to the people's deaths. Yeah, and it was that. So I should just say, bit sick. Ship journey to death.

50% that and 50% Joshua Norton, the emperor of the United States, just claiming you're something, but a lot more evil than him. Yeah. Yeah, and then a little bit of the, what was the, where they went to that paradise, the doctor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the Floriana Island. Yeah, all the topics coming together.

I don't retain anything from this show. All of that was new to me. I remember them, but I'm like, oh, yeah. Just hit subscribe, mate. All right. All right, well, that brings us up. Thank you so much for the report, Dave. Absolutely fantastic.

That brings us up to maybe my favourite. segment of the show. It's the fact quote or question segment. Fact quote or question. Richard the World Watcher. And it's the segment where we get one of our patrons on the Sydney Seanberg level or above, rest in peace. And they get to give us a fact, a quote or a question. This week, it comes from Ed Banks. And what he would have done is he would have gone to patreon.com slash do go on pod. And he would have signed up to support the show. Absolutely. And is that while Ed Banks the town wanks? I think we one time did a shout out to him.

Potentially. Sorry, Ed. Sorry, Ed. I'll make it better today. That's fun. That's fun. While Ed Banks, the town wanks. But fortunately for Ed, on the Sydney-Shanberg level,

get to give yourself your own title. So as well as being called Ed Banks while the town wanks. He's also given himself the title of Secretary of the Duguan fans with Boring Names Association. He said because not all of us have the awesome names you so often get. Ed Banks is a great, that's a strong name. That's a great name and it's a real rock star name. Absolutely. Ed Banks.

He said, We demand equal representation. Well, I'm sorry, Ed. I am Ed Banks. But you have a fantastic name. He shreds. Put it on our poster. He's like selling out, what, Festival Hall or something.

Wembley. Yeah. The O2 Arena. Festival Hall, Wembley. All right, you weren't bigger than a name. Big jump, yeah. I mean, the Beatles played Festival. Thank you.

Do they play Wembley? So did Pantera. Anybody? Yeah. Penny was. I saw food fighters there as well. Did you? Friends of Rome?

I saw... It's a notoriously shit venue, though. But, yeah, it's sort of like it's the big, big, mid to... It's the one back from an arena in Melbourne. Yeah, basically is. Yeah. So you get pretty big bands on the way up, all the way down. Oasis post their prime they play there.

Anyway, whatever. And Ed is playing there. And he's given us a quote. And this quote, we don't get heaps of quotes, I don't think. Not enough. I like them. I like questions because I like to talk about me. I like quotes because they inspire me.

Ed, inspire me. Well, I guess the question is, does this quote inspire you too? It's from Herman Hesse or Herman Hess. If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. what isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us. I fumbled in there. I'll read it again. Please.

If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us. Yeah. Yep. I see that. I would agree with that. Is that true? Yes.

So what do you see of yourself in Bindy Irwin? Answer that. Fuck. There's a question. Backing off that quote. I was going to say a fucked answer too. What I'll say is enthusiasm, zest for life, and I miss that in myself. Oh, you see.

And I had that. Yeah. I feel I've lost it. And I am jealous of her. Yeah. And I have daddy issues. People still talk about it. That's so long.

That was over two years ago, I think. Yeah. At a live Melbourne show. Yeah. You had a rant about Binau. Someone mentioned it on Twitter or something this week. I get tagged in a lot of stuff. Still about Bindy.

Yeah, she must know of me now. You're right? Because she tweets stuff and then people tweet at me and it happens so much. She must be like, what is this person said about me? She's a big enough deal that I don't think it would even get to her. Yeah, you're right. I hope it does. It would be funny if she knew about it.

I really hope it doesn't. Yeah, I hope it doesn't. Bindy's been through enough without having a deal with this bullshit. Yeah. But that's on me. That is on you. So that is the fact quote or question segment. Thank you so much, Ed Banks.

Thanks, Ed Banks. You give us great quotes. Absolutely. And the town gets to wank. And that's good for you. And Ed went to his banks and gave us a little bit of money to help keep kicking this show along. And you can do that too at patreon.com slash do go on pod. You get a whole heap of different rewards.

One of them is the fact quote or question segment. You also get things like bonus episodes. We're about to record one of those tonight. You also get a weekly newsletter that Jess is doing. I don't think she did one last couple weeks, but it's pretty much weekly. I did one. I did one.

I'm getting back into the habit. It's not a habit for me yet. Matt was doing it for a long time. Back in the habit. Back in the habit. But I'll get there. I will. What else do you get there, Dave?

I can still do one this week. Yeah, you'll do on this week. I missed last week. Yeah. I was jet lagged. What else were you got on there, Dave? Well, we've just reached a new goal and we're working on a secret new project that we're going to keep the patrons informed about. They're going to help us along.

And it's sort of an audiovisual project. That's right. We are creating an art installation projected onto the Sydney Harbour Bridge. We've received a grant. Yeah. It's going to be sick. It's going to be me flipping off Sydney. And it's going to look, we're going to make it look like it's made a horse shit.

Yeah. Just like Mosquito Island. You were listening. So if you go there to patreon.com slash stigom pod, you can get involved. There's also a Facebook group that gives you access to and other things that I'm forgetting right now, including shoutouts. I think you've covered all of it. Yeah, we're going to do some shoutouts right here right now. Yeah.

And is this too obvious if we give them a title of something like he's the Prince of Poet? Oh, maybe they have a role on Poitie. Okay. Oh, yeah, okay. So Poillet doesn't have any, at this stage there's no one there. So we need to fill some jobs. Yeah, you're right. Perfect.

I love that. And he's telling people that, oh yeah, we've already got these people. Look, this is blah, blah, the local chemist. Well from San. Dave, don't waste any. Now we can't use chemist. I should say used to live in Sandhurst, Victoria. Now, of course, lives in Poillet.

Riley Lockett. Could it be a relation of Plugger? God, Riley. Surely if Riley was a relation to Plugger, Riley would have let us know by now. Surely, Riley, surely. Surely, Riley. We've never put it out there. If you are related to Tony Plugger Lockett, get in contact.

Or Paul Kelly. Let me know. Did you end up interviewing him? I saw him. He walked past me. We made eye contact. It was the greatest moment in my life. I decided not to even ask if I could interview him.

This is the weekend for context. The weekend just gone by and you interviewed some people. for the community cup, including the opposition leader of Australia. Yeah, he was lovely. Lovely. He was so nice. Anthony Albanese.

Yeah, met him, had a good chat. He's delightful. Anyway, I thought, because Matt's tried once before to interview Paul Kelly, and he politely said no. I did ask Dan Salton, another musician who played, and he was very polite to me, but said, like, oh, we're about to head off. Yeah. No, I can't do it.

And I said, no worries. And I'm replaying that embarrassment in my mind. my head every day since. If it was Paul Kelly, I don't want to think about what I would have done. If he'd said no, I would have... It took me a while to get over it. Yeah. He was so polite about it.

Of course he was. He's an angel. And I mean, I really... And as soon as he said, no, I'm like, I shouldn't have even asked. I'm so sorry. Did you say that? I can't remember. Yeah.

I sparked, my head spiraled. You know, I was like one of those movies where the focus drops out and there's sort of walking away from a scenario, everything blurs out and then they wake up the next hour. happen to me. Yeah. I have no idea what happened. Just being in the presence of Paul Kelly. But he walked past me as he came off stage and we kind of made eye contact and I was like,

this is the greatest day of my life. Were you holding a microphone? Yes. And he kept walking. Because he did. He's not an idiot. Anyway, sorry Riley. Riley Lockett.

Chemist. Locksmith. Oh, chemist slash locksmith. I guess we do have to do, we've got to feel a lot of jobs. We only got six people here. And a lot of people are dying. Yeah. Okay.

So you're both the chemist and the locksmith after. hours. Incredibly important job, though. Both of those. Both of those. Security is paramount. You're keeping everyone alive and everyone safe. Riley, you are the backbone of this society.

Before the opera house is even built, it's going to lock on its door. Yeah. And that's important because we've got to keep the opera safe. Yeah. You keep opera in an opera house, yes? Yeah, you do. That's what you keep it. Dangerous to let it anywhere else.

Thank you so much, Riley. I'd also love to thank from Boise. Idaho, which is... Boise! It's one of my favourite places to say. You love it? The Capitol there? Is that Spud Country there?

As I've said a million times before, Idaho Spuds Club is a T-shirt I used to wear. I don't know where I got it. I don't know if it makes any sense. But I assume that it's Spud Country in a lot. There was a T-shirt with a potato reclining on a banana lounge with sunglasses. Oh, you've told us about that T-shirt. I talk about it all the time. Where is it?

It's got to be somewhere at home. Oh, gosh. You can't find it, I'll definitely pull it out. Please. So thank you from Boise, Idaho. It's Cody Kelshaw. Potato peeler. Just peeler, not a farmer.

No, you've got to peel those potatoes. But who's farming him? Someone else. Someone else. Probably Spud Frawley, Tony Lockett's ex-teamate and captain, also from Ballarat, I think. That is probably it. He was a Spud farmer, and that's what he goes, how's the nickname Spud? It's a nickname and it's creative.

Is there a chance that the St Kilda Football Club could be moved? Yeah. To Poillet. You know, for fun, maybe, I mean, we just played a game in Shanghai a few weeks ago. Maybe we can play one game a year in Poet. On the mosquito coast. Yeah. On the swamps.

So potato peel and also chief of police. Yeah, okay. But I mean, we're saying their main job first and then they're moonlighting second job. Yeah, of course. Everyone's got two hats. Yeah. But the potato hats is his main hat. Thank you so much, Cody.

Senior Sergeant Cody Kelshaw. Thank you to Cody. and Riley. I'd also like to thank a few people, if I may. Please do. I'd like to thank from Portland. What's M.I? Am I?

Michigan. I think it's Michigan. Michigan? Michigan? Is it Michigan? Detroit, Michigan. Or Missouri? No, I think that's MS.

No, it is Michigan. Michigan. Portland in Michigan. I'd like to thank Steve Tyman. Timen, Tyman. Tyman. Oh, well, obviously he'd be in menswear. Taylor, he's a tailor.

Steve's a toolman, Taylor, Teman. Yes. So he's both home improvement and also tailoring. So he's a tailor and a handyman. Yeah. Handman. He's a handyman. Say that again.

He's a handyman. Sandeman. I know I'm saying it wrong, but I'm never. You're going to double down. Steve's a classic handyman name as well. Yeah. Steve hire a happy. I had a guy come over to my house the other day just to drill a hinge back on.

His name was Charles. And I was like, this does not match. Charles. What was the hinge? I was on the security door at my house. Right on. And, yeah, I got a really good property manager who gets onto that shit quick. That's great.

I love that because I'll never own a home. And I would also like to say, Thank you to Steve. I'd also like to thank from Andrews in Texas. Andrews. Didn't need to ask about that one? TX, a little bit obvious. I'd like to thank Naomi.

I think it's St. Andrews, maybe even. Is it? Or maybe not. No. Is that is either street for the thing before or saint for... I think it's straight. We're giving away too much about this address now. He's living on a street in Andrews.

I'd like to thank Naomi Chapman. Naomi Chapman. also the chaplain. Chaplain and pro golfer. Yes. So if you want to get a golf lesson, you go to Naomi. Just on weekends. Progophon.

Get one. Yeah. Actually, no, she is a chaplain, so she might be busy on Sundays. But maybe through the week she's got time for golf lessons. Yeah, and she plays the tournament on Saturday mornings. Yeah, right. Okay. So through the week, golf lessons, tournament Saturdays, and then chapel.

So does she's busy. Yeah. And she's also, you know, working on getting sort of club fitting stuff. and that sort of stuff. Good heavens. Busy lady. But, I mean, that's what we need. In a new society, we need people who are busy bodies and just get stuff done.

Yeah. That's not a busy body. That's not a busy body. No. Get busy with your body. We need doers. Yeah. You know, and she's a doer.

She's not a talker. I love that. She's not a gunner. She's a doer. Yeah. Yeah. No doubt. Thank you, Naomi.

Thank you. Thank you. You. All right. What's going on else, Dave? I'd like to bring us home with a couple of people from the good old US of A. Yeah, but they're all been US except for Riley so far today. Got two more coming up.

From Trempolo, Wisconsin. Oh. Wisconsin. Was that the Midwest? I assume everything is in the Midwest. It is. It's a town of 1600. In the Midwest?

Yeah. Yes. Good job. 1600. That's a small town. Really small town. I would like to thank. there. Tyler

Socolic. Tyler Socolic. Tyler. I reckon once you named the town, Tyler was pretty confident it was them. Yeah. You know, you'd be like, this has got to be me. Or there's someone else in the town listening. Okay.

At which point, I've got to find it. Maybe they're my soulmate. Really? I don't know. That's what I'd be thinking. Really? Well, do you think that Tyler might be? I think maybe an architect.

Slash fortune teller. Yes. Obviously, still a lot of infrastructure, including all of it needs to be built and designed. And people need to know whether that's going to happen on time. So they ask him. Steve, Steve needs to, he's building the stuff. Needs it to be designed.

And that's where Tyler comes in. Yep. So. What a ledge. Steve's got to work off blueprints. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So what was Tyler's other job?

Architect and Fortune teller. Fortune teller. Right. Again, weekends mostly? Very important jobs, yes. Architect on the weekends. But obviously, most of the job is five days a week, Reading fortunes.

Oh, okay. Much more important. Much more important. Yeah. Glass ball, you know, looking into it, moving the hands around. Yep. I know how it works. Do you reckon they're reading some tarot cards?

I hope so. Yeah. Yeah. That's obviously a different job, but until the tarot reader gets into town. Yeah. Tyler will wear that, where the brunt of that. Thank you so much, Tyler. And finally, from Chaska, Minnesota.

Chaska. I think that is a great town name. Chaska. That's very cool. I've heard of it, but I love it. I'd like to thank Nolan Blazer. Nolan Blazer. 420.

I was going to say, on the side, definitely pot dealer. Not just pot, actually. He's got everything. Nolan's got everything you need. Name tag says dealer. But then also, during the week, real estate agent, we're in a red blazer called Red Blazer real estate. That's but a little nod at a wink.

Yeah. Everyone knows inside that inner pocket of the blazer. Every inspection is set at 420 p.m. Oh yeah. He says, welcome to blazers. Blaze it. Let's blaze. Hey, let's talk money.

That's the sound of a lighter. Wow, what's the amount of a thousand noise? What number was that? That was 77. Great. I should get you to read out the lottery numbers because that was good. Seven. Seven there.

Two bent over ladies. 77. Thank you to Nolan Blazer. Do they have a joke for every number? I think so. How? Well, I don't know about joke. Yeah, joke is a kind term, isn't it?

I can't think of any of them. They'll say two fat ladies, 88. 88. Legs 11? Legs 11, great. That's all I can think of. Yeah. 69, having a good time.

Three boobs on the side. Or a bum. Eight boobs had bum together. They're all sexy. Yeah, they're all very, very sexy. Legs 11 gets me hot. I didn't like your face just then. No one got to see it, apart from you too, so enjoy that.

And thanks to everyone that supporters on Patreon, of course. You make the world of difference to us. Yes. You do, and we love you very much for it. We are, and I, you say, can't see his face. I'm really keen to do this, just start putting the camera in the corner so people, so the YouTube videos are just the videos. We don't even have to put a picture on it.

It's just us. People have asked for it every week for the last little while. Yeah, and you, you mean, you keep talking about it and you never set up the camera. Well, I mean, there's three of us here. Why is it always on me? Where's the camera? It's in the, like, two doors down. In your office?

Yeah. Well, I wouldn't want to pry in there. You pry every time you come by. We're not invited in there, Matt. You're not vampires. I just like to come and say hello. This isn't sunny veil or wherever Buffy lives. Don't touch anything in my office.

Okay, I won't anymore. Now that we've established that rule. So that brings us to the end of the bloody episode. I cannot believe it. What a ride. Thanks so much everyone for coming and joining us here. What a good time. In the pod zone, as we always say.

Yeah, we do always say that. Anything else we need to tell people about? Obviously, the Brisbane shows get involved. Yep. If you go to dogoonpod.com, all the info is there. You can find our YouTube channel at YouTube.com slash dogo on pod. And there are some, you know, there's a bunch of live videos up there. There's also one studio episode we recorded a while back about Tererey.

You can see that. Oh, yeah. Sitting at a table. In London. But in London. I mean, there's a picture of some beautiful London phone booths behind us. That's true. You can tell we're in London.

We had that installed. If people bug me enough this week, I'll bring the camera out for next week. Why would you invite the bugging? Because if they don't bug, I'll know not to bother. Oh, okay, great. Yeah, cool. It's not worth their hassle if no one wants it. Fair enough.

And, yeah, everything's pretty much to go on pod. Please tell your friends if you can to listen in, if you think they might enjoy it. It's the best way of spreading the good word, keeping it all rolling along. And yeah, get in touch if you have anything you want to tell us at DoGoOnPod at Gmail.com or on our social medias. Yeah, that's just about it, I reckon. Yeah. That's Dave saying shut up. No, that's me saying, thanks for listening, everyone.

Yeah. Have a great week. If you are all up to date with Do Go On, and should check out our other two podcasts, book cheat, where Dave takes a book and reads it so you don't have to. It's a classic book. I thought he cheated on them. No. Oh. He bones other books.

The whole episode is in front of the book. They're just making it out with a different book. Cop this war in peace. Moby Dick tastes great. That was worse than anything I'd imagine. And I also do a podcast called Primates, and it's about primates in popular culture. And that's a whole heap of bloody fun. And you can find them on the internet.

Yeah. Yeah. But apart from that, we'll see you next week. And as we always say here, on do go on. Fuck off. Fuckos. I love you. Love you.

Bye. latest. Goodbye. That's how Matt leaves the house. Fuck off. Fuck it. I love you. Bye. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want, it's up to you. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester. We were just in Manchester. But this way you'll never,

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