Do Go On - 194 - Race Around The World with Nellie Bly (and other adventures)

Episode Date: July 10, 2019

Nellie Bly was an all round bad ass! Investigative journalist who went under cover, then travelled around the world in 72 days to prove it could be done. All by the time she was 26.Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Book tickets to our live 200th show in Brisbane: https://dogoonpod.com/events/See Matt and Jess in their stand up show 'Razzle Dazzle', also in Brisbane: https://www.stickytickets.com.au/88599/matt_stewart__jess_perkins_in_razzle_dazzle.aspx Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasReferences and further reading:https://www.womenshistory.org/education-resources/biographies/nellie-blyhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nellie_Blyhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ten_Days_in_a_Mad-Househttps://www.pbs.org/newshour/nation/how-nellie-bly-went-undercover-to-expose-abuse-of-the-mentally-illhttps://www.biography.com/news/inside-nelly-bly-10-days-madhousehttps://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/nellie-blys-record-breaking-trip-around-world-was-to-her-surprise-race-180957910/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

Hello and welcome to another episode of Dugo. My name is Dave Warnocky and I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. Hello Dave. Hello, Matt. Hello, Dave. Hello, Matt. Hello, hello, Jess. What fun. We are here hanging out, having a great night. It's Saturday night where we are.

I don't know where you are in the world, but it's Saturday night here. It's on a few Saturday nights lately. We're having a real good time in here. It's very late on a Saturday night. Saturday night fever, basically creeping in. Yeah, which Fran Drescher had a small rolling. Fun fact. Fun fact.

You know that because we did a Patreon bonus episode on The Nanny last month. Exactly. Oh, man. That's still probably one of my favorites of all time. Show, not your report. It was horrendous. But the show. No, the report was fantastic.

I hate the show, but I love the report. A little angel and a devil on my shoulder here. Yeah, but I lied. I also love the Nani. Anyway, yes, we are here at Saturday Night and we're ready for some fun. Absolutely. Before we get into the fun, though,

we've got to tell you that Brisbane show is one week closer than it was last week. Tickets are selling, which is fantastic. We appreciate the people that jumped on board early. August the 11th at the zoo, which is not a zoo, but a venue in Fortitude Valley. Hugely disappointing for us. A few people asking if the primates will be there, sadly, probably not.

Oh, yes. At the show, because we are not at the Brisbane Zoo. I mean, I'll be there. Yeah. And we are all primates. Yeah. That's true. Did you notice that someone also asked if we picked the zoo because it looks like 200?

Yes. Yes, we did. We do that kind of thing. Yeah. That was 100% on purpose. We could not find a venue called 200 episode. Do go on 200th episode. It's not a popular bar name.

I was expecting more people to say, did you pick the zoo? Because that's what in the Mr. Hans report from Coast of Mee. That's what their forum was called. I had forgotten that. They're in the zoo. So we'll be at the zoo. No Mr. Hans type stuff. No.

August 11th, doing our 200th episode live and then also a do-go-1 quiz straight after that. So that's going to be a lot of fun. Tickets are available now at do-go-onpod.com. It's a two-show and one show. Two-for-one. Unbelievable. That was a much easier way of saying it. Two shows in one show.

And then three out of four to the next nights after that, you can see Matt and Jess doing stand-up. Razzle dazzle's the name of the show, and you can find out more information and buy tickets via Matt Stewartcomedy.com slash gigs. I said, Hey, O'Hobar, also in Fortitude Valley, same as the zoo.

What a place to hang out. Oh, Fortitude Valley, it's the place to be. Yeah, and we're going to be there for a week. Yeah, Razzle-Dazzle. It's going to be so much fun. That live pocket, I really can't wait for that week. I love Brisbane. Such a fun time we're going to have.

All right, thank you. Especially if people come. Yeah, thank you for the people that will come. Really only if people come. So please come. Please. Well, that's still have fun. Oh, God, please.

Hang out with you. And afterwards, I'm going to go to that video game bar and set a new record on the Tony Hawk PlayStation 1 game. Oh, last time I was up there, it was closed. We've got to get back there. The, um, blanking on it, but it's a great bar. Yeah, we'll go back. Yeah, good fun.

Good fun that place. All right. We lost you for a while. Oh, man, I was going crazy on that machine. I was like, has anybody seen Dave? Tony Hawk, too. Get me in there. Ruin Glithberg.

Yes, please. All right, let's crack on with this. week's episode and if you haven't heard the show before, what we do is we report on a topic. We take it in terms to report on that topic, usually suggested by a listener and it is the people's champion. Jess Perkins' report this week. Yes, I am the champion of the people. Matt and I don't know what you're going to report on.

It's been kept a secret from us, but to get us on the topic. You never do. I'm cookey. Yeah, I know you're always covering your laptop. Don't look. Don't look. Don't copy me! Don't copy my report.

You're going to ask a question to get us on topic. I am. And my question to you, fellas. and all the people at home is which American journalist was a massive influence on the concept of investigative journalism.

Hunter S. Thompson? Hunter S. Thompson? No. Oh, I really thought it was as well. I thought it was going to be him as well. So influence on investigative journalism. Yes. One of the earliest examples of...

I think. Are we likely to have heard of this name? Is it Jesus? Maybe. Maybe you would... How early are we going? Is it Johnny journalist? It's 1800s.

Is it the guy who plays Superman? Clark Kent. He plays Superman. Clark Gable. Well, that's the interesting thing. Is Clark Kent the secret identity or is Superman? Think about it. Who's the real one and who's the fake?

In a way, both. Yeah. That's beautiful. Thank you. Poignant. Well, you're wrong in your assumption of he. Oh, it's a dog. An animal detective journalist, okay.

Okay, I'm trying to think of American. So you said American. Yes. Early, what are we? 1800s? I have no idea about American 1800s. It's pretty great. I've put this up to vote a few times, and it's always just missed out.

And they finally took the hint, did they, on the Patreon and voted for this? Well, no, because this is my choice, so I got to pick it. Oh, you took your own here. Did you take this out of the Jack the Hat McVitty? It is out of Jack the Hat McVitty. Have you heard of Nellie Bly? Oh, maybe. I think not.

No, I'm thinking of Nellie White, the Melbourne comedian that Dave did a show with a year ago. Actually, the person who was meant to be the co-hosted his podcast. I was trying to, I'm like, how am I connecting her to you, Dave? That's right. Oh, it's because she was meant to sit in this seat. but her knows. Really? All those years ago I asked her first.

You asked her first. That's right. But she was already doing another podcast she told me. So she didn't want to commit to... Yeah, about wine and cheese, I think. I remember listening to that. I did not know other people were asked before me. Well, then I asked Matt, obviously.

Oh, okay. This is pre-Matt. And then we asked Hugh. Okay, yeah. So you're really on the third choice here. Wow. Yeah, you were the first person we asked once it was me and Dave. Yeah.

But before it was me, Dave asked Nelly. Right. Nellie was in for a bit, but then she couldn't. And Dave, I was the second choice. You were the first, third choice. I'll take it. Best choice to have made, but Nelly Bly. Nellie Bly.

So this has been suggested by a heaps of people, actually. And like I said, I put it up to vote in the past. And I think maybe even a couple of times, because I think I pulled her out again for one of those, like, second chance. Oh, I love a second chance vote. I love a second chance vote. It's so fun. And each time she's just missed out.

So this time I was like, I want to look into it. So it's been suggested by Simon Dick, Adam King, Fridette Amble. Are you laughing at Adam King? No, Simon Dick. I know, Dickhead. I'm joking. Johnny Dawson. I was so focused on his name.

I didn't even really hear what you said. I just wanted to say. It's also been solicited by Selena Houts, Hannah White, and Sarah. Wow. That's a lot of suggestions. A lot of suggestions. For something I've never heard of. The reason it triggered into my mind.

mind again is that on Stan, that streaming service, they have a season of drunk history and I was a bit hung over one day and just wanted something easy and funny to watch. And I was watching it. And they talk about Nelly Bligh. And I was like, that is a great story. But they were just talking about one thing that she did. She actually did a bunch of different things. And I'm going to try and talk about three major things that she did in her career. If that's cool with you guys. A little triptitch, so to speak. I guess so, yeah. But firstly, some early life.

Who is, Nellie Bly? Where did it all begin? Well, Nellie Bly is actually Elizabeth Jane Cochran, and she was born on the 5th of May, 1864, in Cochran's Mill in Pennsylvania. It sounds like you are doing a report on someone else. You said this was going to be about Nellie Bly. Yep. Now you're saying it's about some Cawcles person.

Yep, that's her name. Great to disagree. I'm literally one dot point in. Well, I'm interested to know that is she important in this town if she's got the surname that the town has? Yeah, her dad named Cochran's Mill after themselves, which I'll explain in a moment. She was one of ten kids.

Oh. Do they know what was causing it? So much fucking. Ten, ten. Well, two marriages, two of her father's marriages. So 10 kids, five from each wife. I love that. Keep it even.

Five from each wife equal 10. Jeez, Jess. You must be loving this. Yeah, I love that. Nice. It clean numbers. It all makes sense. Keep a clean.

Do you get to four and you think, well, may as well. May as well go one more. Oh, we're here. Yeah. Well, you're down there. So he had his first five kids with his first wife, Catherine Murphy, and another five with his second wife,

and Nellie's mother, Mary Jane Kennedy. Her father was a man named Michael Cochran, who was the son of an Irish migrant. He was a labourer and mill worker before buying the local mill and most of the land surrounding his family farmhouse. That's quite nice. You work you out at the mill, you buy the mill. Yeah. And he later became a merchant, a postmaster and associate justice at Cochran's Mill, which he named after himself, which is in Pennsylvania. And they lived quite comfortably. Like they weren't mega wealthy, but they were like they were comfortable. But when Michael Cochran died when Elizabeth was about six,

the family were unable to maintain the land or the property, and her mother moved the family to Pittsburgh. On the Golden Mile, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Yep. I read somewhere that she attended Teachers College briefly, so she was at least fairly educated. But due to the family's lack of funds, she couldn't afford to finish her education.

She left school to help her mother run a board. boarding house. And when she was either 16 or 21, depending on which article you read, everything's in fives. Somewhere in that span, she wrote an article in the Pittsburgh Dispatch, which she was very angered by. One resource said the article was called, What Girls Are Good For? And I want that to be true, so we're going to go for that. It was called What Girls Are Good For? And that basically, this article just said that girls were principally for birthing children and keeping the house. That was all they were really good for.

Right, I see. And she was not having it. When they say girls, I mean, women? Yeah. Yeah. Like, yeah, teenagers, you know, birthing age. So the bit that you have the biggest problem with this. Apart from that, it's fine.

It should say women are only good for birthing, please. That's a bit of condescending. I was wondering, are they talking about young children? No. Well, it's not about having a baby. young children aren't having children. Yeah, when I say young, I mean teenagers. Yeah.

You know, as an old man, teenagers are young children. This is the late 1800s as well, so marrying very young. Are you saying it was a different time? It was a different time. They'd all be very old now. Yeah, they're all dead now, big time. Oh, that's sad. This story just got sad. So she wasn't having it.

She thought this article was a big old pile of BS. So she penned an open letter to the editor under the pseudonym, lonely orphan girl. Massive slap in the face to her mum. That's like, do they, people have pseudonyms like that before the internet? Yeah. Lonely orphan girl underscore 15. Adhotmail.com. The editor was a guy called George Madden and he was impressed with her passion and ran an ad asking the author to identify herself.

Only orphan girl, please identify herself. Also, she's not an orphan. I know. Throwing us off the scent. Which is a bit seriously. Slap in the face to her mum there. Jess definitely said that 30 seconds again. Yeah, I did.

Oh, did you? Those exact words. Did you actually say that? Yes. As soon as I said, lonely orphan girl, I followed it immediately with a slight comedic beat. I said, bit of a slap in the face to mum there. That is a bit of a slap in the face to mum there. You saying that was a bit of a slap in the face of mum there, mum being Jess.

Yeah. Right, right. I am the mum of this pod and you too need to eat your veggies. Anyway. A bit of slap of the face to my mum there. So you ran an ad saying, come forth. Identify yourself. Show yourself.

And she... I really hope that's exactly what I said. It would be so good. She got in contact. She introduced herself to him and he offered her the opportunity to write a piece for the newspaper again, using the pseudonym of lonely orphan girl. Her first article for the dispatch. People are crying out for the lonely orphan girl. Yeah, they're like, is this a child needing a family, a home?

Why did she use the pseudonym of the dispatch? if she was pretty happy to be found. Yeah, I don't know. I guess she still didn't want her identity. Yeah, and she probably didn't realize that the editor would actually be like, do you want a job? Yeah. So now she's writing articles. Well, she's been given the opportunity to write an article.

So the first one she wrote was entitled The Girl Puzzle. And it was about how divorce affected women. In it, she argued for reform of divorce laws. And Madden was very impressed again and offered her a full-time job as a regular. columnist. So she's got a gig. Good stuff. It was quite customary then for female newspaper writers to use pen names

and the editor suggested Nellie Blye. But what I don't get is a why you're using a pen name to protect your identity, I suppose. But I also thought a lot of them, a lot of like female writers way back in the day would write under a man's

name. But this is just a different woman's name. Yeah, I think maybe in this instance because I imagine at the time some of the stuff she's writing is quite controversial. Right, okay. So maybe you are distancing yourself from those opinions that a lot of people probably were not ready to hear at the time.

Yeah, I suppose that makes sense. Maybe, yeah. But I think she's already got a great pseudonym. Lonely Orpuncle 15 is... It's so good. Yeah. How do you top that? Nellie Bly.

It's fine. So she wanted her writing to focus on the lives of working women and she wrote a series of investigative pieces about women factory workers. And the factory owners weren't happy with this and complained to the newspaper. And Nelly was reassigned to the society pages, also known as the women's pages, to cover fashion, society and gardening. You know, the things women want to read about. The big three.

Don't worry yourself with news and politics and yada, yada, yada. Here's how to make a delightful apple pie. Yeah. And I know it is, I know it's, it's, it's bad and backward and stuff, but I'd love that to be my life. Writing about. No, I just live in that life. What my concerns are gardening. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And just being in society. Yeah. Going to some balls. Yeah. I would love to not, not know about politics. That would be nice, actually. I could do that. I don't know, maybe tomorrow I'm just going to do some gardening.

What am I talking about? I don't want to do gardening. Gardening sucks. I'm just like, in my head, I'm like, how cool a point? plants, but I don't want to be around. I don't want to deal with them. I want to be around them, but I don't want to be dealing with them. I want someone else to look after them. Yeah. I've got two plants in my house and they're both dying. And I could probably do something about it and it's too much effort. There's two pop plants on the windowsill right in front of me when I'm doing the dishes. And I'm just looking at

them slowly wilting. Go on, geez, finally there was another way. I'm standing at a tap. Yeah, I could water them. And such a short run to get water in them. Anytime my parents were gardening and they'd say, do you want to give us a hand in the garden? Usually I tried to be a pretty helpful kid if I asked for help. But with gardening, I would just be blatantly like, fuck, no, I do not want to do. I will sit on this couch where I can see you gardening. And I will watch you sit out there in the heat. I'm going to watch TV this entire time.

I found weeding pretty satisfying. If you get a clean, get the right out by the roots, that was pretty sweet. Yeah, I'll water with a hose from a distance. Okay. From the couch inside, through the window. Anything complicated, no thanks. Anyway. Has that a bit of slap in the face to mum?

I'll never own a property and have a garden to tend anyway, so it's fine. Yeah, so anyway, now she's writing for the society pages. And yes, this is the norm for female journalists. But Nellie grew increasingly bored. Still at the age, she was only 21. 4.16. But this time I'm pretty sure she's 21. She went to Mexico as a foreign correspondent.

She was determined to do something no girl has done before, which, spoiler alert, she'll go on to do a few more times. She spent about six months in Mexico reporting on lives and customs of the Mexican people. And her dispatches later were published in book form as six months in Mexico. They were very creative with titles. She's so booksma. Six months in Mexico. Yeah.

How does you think of it? I don't know. That's a headline. I'm listening. I don't know how they do it. I'm reading. You got my attention. It's also so weird that she's just like, she's just writing about the Mexican people.

I find that kind of weird like she's observing animals in their natural habitat. She's like, oh, yeah, look at this, what they do. But I suppose back then travel was less common. So it probably was a lot more interesting to hear about different cultures. I just get into culture. There is a very famous magazine called Nath. National Geographic that does exactly that. No, no, no, I know, but it's more, yeah, but yeah, true, I guess.

Does that probably goes back to 1800s, does it, National Geographic? Yeah, it's pretty old. Anyway. It's a bit clickbaiting the title, don't you think? Six months in Mexico. Oh, yeah, great. You click on it. It's not even six months.

Yeah, top ten things to do in Mexico. Yeah, great. After six months, she actually had to flee Mexico after the authorities learned about one of her reports which had criticized the Mexican government, which at the time was a dictatorship under Porfirio Diaz. Oh dear, you do not cross. And she had to flee the country. Bad ass.

So she's back in the States. She's back to the Pittsburgh dispatch. And of course, she's reporting on hard-heating stuff like theatre and art. That sounds great. I know, just to be able to look at some art. But the annoying thing would be that it's not her interest. And she's got, it's like,

just based on her gender. Very annoying. Exactly. If that's what you want to write about, dream job. Yeah. Sick. But she's like,

I'm bored by this. Like that snooty guy from Fraser. Remember him? No. That's he was all bad. He used to just do that stuff. I want to be him. That's a great life.

But not for Nelly. Nelly goes. I want to be a snooty guy. Do you think I could do it? Do you think I could pull it off? No. If I use a pseudonym. No.

And I just start writing in and I write a bit more snooty than I would otherwise. No. Okay, hear me yet. No. What's your snootonym? Um, um, um. Fuck you.

Laugh at Dave's joke. That was very good. Is that good pun way? That was, well, like, is it a pun? Yeah. I think I'd call myself a p. Frizenp Fritham. Well, that's good.

Feasant P frithenfrop. Yeah. That's very nice. I love peasant P. Back on board. Is that a snootinin? Yeah, that's the snootiest snootinem. Oh, Patreon section of the end, let's do snoodonyms for everyone.

Yeah, great. Oh, I hope we don't forget between now and then. There's a chance. It's possible. Anyway, so she's back to writing theatre and art, and she thinks, nah, fuck this. So in 1887, she leaves the Pittsburgh dispatch and heads for New York City. Oh, the big apple. City never sleeps.

She's 23 at this point. She takes off for a new city wanting to write some real stories. It took her a few months, but eventually, She talked away into the office of New York World, the newspaper published by Joseph Pulitzer, of Pulitzer Prize fame. Oh, I just love that it took a few months to talk away into the office. She was at the door for three months. Please let me in.

Honestly, no, come on. Please. I won't leave until you let me in. Greg Pulitzer's like leaving every night walking past sorry. We'll see you tomorrow, I guess. She's still there in the morning pleading. Come on. Oh, morning, Mr. Pulitzer.

Let me in? No. Thank you. No. So she talks away into the office and she impressed them enough to leave with an assignment. And this is her writing later. She says, I was asked by the world if I could have myself committed to one of the asylums for the insane in New York

with a view to writing a plain and unvarnished narrative of the treatment of the patients therein. That is cool. Yeah. I imagine those places would have been no good back then. They were like, they had a bit of a, there was rumors about their treatment of people in. them, but nobody had really sort of looked into it properly. Isn't it wild? Yeah.

These people are being treated awfully. Apparently. I mean, we haven't looked into it. Yeah, that's what I've heard. But, you know, hopefully it just gets better. Surely, it can't be that bad. So neither her nor the editors had a clear plan of how they'd get her out of the asylum once she got in.

But nonetheless, she got to work. Firstly, she had to get in. So she went and took a room at a boarding house called temporary homes for females. She used the name Bly Brown and began questioning and imitating the women who seemed most insane to her. So she's just like, okay, you look crazy. I'm going to copy what you're doing.

And then questioning them too. Yeah. And she like, she stayed up all night so that she sort of had that wide-eyed, dazed look. She practiced like looking crazy. She started doing overnights on radio. Yeah, it'll drive your mental. Wait a second.

So she's there. she's living in this house. She'd make accusations to the matron that other patrons were insane. She'd refused to go to bed. Eventually, she'd scared enough people of the other patrons that she was taken by the police to a local courthouse, where she was examined by the police, by a judge and by a doctor. And all she said is, I'm not crazy, they're all crazy. And they went, okay.

All she wanted was a Pepsi. I know what to do. So they sent Bly to Bellevue Hospital, where she got a time. taste of the suffering to come as hospital inmates were forced to eat spoiled food and live in squalid conditions. Oh God. I mean, it doesn't sound like they're going to get better, does it? It just gets worse. So eventually, after a few assessments, she was diagnosed with dementia and other psychological illnesses. She was sent by ferry to Blackwell's Island in the East River. It's now known as Roosevelt Island. It was changed in the 70s. And she was taken to the women's

lunatic asylum. It was originally built to hold 1,000 patients, but it was crammed with more than 1,600 people when she arrived in the fall of 1887. So they're overcrowded, they're understaffed because of massive budget cuts. There were 16 doctors on staff. That's 100 patients each. Maths!

That's pretty good. Pretty good maths. Thank you so much. I'm so glad it was an easy number. But yeah, so they're wildly understaffed, and the conditions are disgusting. So according to biography.com, Bly quickly befriended her fellow inmates

who revealed rampant psychological and physical abuse. Patients were forced to take ice-cold baths and remain in wet clothes for hours, leading to frequent illnesses. They were forced to sit still on benches without speaking or moving for stints lasting 12 hours or more. Some patients were tethered together with ropes

and forced to pull carts around like mules. Why? I know. What purpose? Exactly. What are you achieving there? Apparently, I think it was, I read somewhere else that it was like the most, the patients they deemed the most dangerous.

They just tied them together. That'll sort of self out. Put the dangerous ones together in very close proximity. It's very strange. Yeah, it's old ideas about medicine and stuff are always. Yeah. You know, it boggles the mind. The mind, it boggles.

Yeah. It's just so crazy it might work. Actually, to me, it sounds a little bit like the lunatics have taken over the asylum. This is still from Biographer.com. It says food and sanitary conditions were horrific, with rotten meat, mouldy, stale bread and frequently contaminated water dished out. Those who complained or resisted were beaten, and Bly even spoke of the threat of sexual violence by vicious tyrannical staffers.

So it's pretty, it's completely fucked. Once she was in, she abandoned any pretense at mental illness and began to behave like she would normally. She went completely normal. And the hospital staff seemed unaware that she was no longer insane and instead began to report her ordinary actions as symptoms of her illness. Right. So they're just like completely oblivious. What a nightmare. It sounds like a psychological thriller slash horror movie.

And at what point do you reckon she thinks, oh shit? Yeah, I'm in trouble here. I, yeah, this is too much. Because it's so gross. And like bathing them, it would just like same bath water, just buckets of cold water over the top of them. It was awful, disgusting. And after 10 days of living in these conditions,

her employer managed to secure her release and she left the asylum. So she was only there for 10 days, which is still an absolute nightmare. You'd be panicking that the boss isn't going to come through for you. Yeah, they're not going to be able to. They're going to leave you in there. Because I imagine it's very difficult. to convince them, hey, actually I'm a journalist.

Yeah, because anything you say, they're like, okay. I work for Joseph Pulitzer, so is that okay? Yeah, oh, that's great. What a wonderful job you have. Yeah, back in the ice bar. Yeah, of course you do. Yes. So what came from this experience was a series of articles for the New York world,

later compiled into a book titled 10 Days. In Mexico. In a madhouse. Ten days in a madhouse. What? So this is a pretty groundbreaking type of story then. Yeah, massive. Undercover.

Undercover. That sort of undercover, really immersive investigation was not common at all. So a lot of people, including doctors, were perplexed about how she managed to fake her way in. And she actually spoke on how the main physician that performed her examination was more focused on the attractive nurse that was assisting the exam than Nellie herself. So she was like, it was pretty easy because he wasn't really paying attention. A lot of medical professionals tried to explain how she tricked everyone, but her reports actually resulted in a massive investigation into the conditions of the asylums and resulted in an enormous budget increase.

I read a few different numbers, but somewhere between $850,000 and $1 million. And this is in the 1800s. Right, that's a lot of money. So huge. It was this massive, like, grand jury investigating it, and they ended up bumping it up by so much. and the grand jury also ensured that future examinations were more thorough and that only the seriously ill were committed to the asylum.

And approximately a month after her articles ran in print, many of the most glaring problems she'd reported had improved. There was better living in sanitary conditions, more nourishing meals were provided, translators were hired for the foreign born, who were not necessarily mentally ill, but simply couldn't understand their keepers. Oh my God.

Isn't that in stuff? That's insane. That's wild. I'm not insane. I'm just Spanish. Yeah, exactly. They're like, oh, oh. I just don't understand.

It's just a made-up language. What are they saying? They're speaking this gibberish here. I just don't quite understand. Some of the people in here are speaking the gibberish to each other. So they understand each other. So weird. They've taught one of the other people to gibberish.

Yeah. Let's study them. Yeah. And actually, also some of the most abusive nurses and physicians were fired and replaced immediately as well. So people lost, bad people lost. jobs. So that was great. Nelly said, I left the insane ward with pleasure and regret, pleasure that I was once more able to enjoy the free breath of heaven, regret that I could not have brought with me some of the unfortunate women who lived and suffered with me and who I am convinced are

just as sane as I am, as I was and am now myself. Right, but it does sound like she really improved conditions quickly. Yes, massive. Free breath of heaven. It's a weird turn of phrase. It's a weird way to put it, but, you know, it was a different time. Yeah, I reckon we should chuck in an asylum for that. Yeah. Oh, I think actually, she's crazy. Yeah, they read the article going, hang on. Is this Spanish?

So the books made her a massive success. People are loving it. What does she do next? Movies, Hollywood. It's funny. In my head, I'm like, this all comes out, and I'd be like back then expecting people to be like, yeah, those places are bad. it's kind of cool that even way back then they were like,

this is not on. In my mind, 150 years ago, it's a nightmare time. Whoever owns assholes. They don't care. Oh, you've got mental health issues.

I don't give a fuck. That's not a thing. Yeah. Yeah, I've got this in truth. I mean, at least they shocked people and they made it better. Yeah.

Yeah. It's huge. Really exciting. So now she's looking for something else to do. Well, about 15 years earlier, a French author by the name of Jules Verne had written a little book, Dave, called...

300 metres under the sea. 20,000 leagues under the sea? No. Around the world in 80 days? There we go. Around the world in 80 days. And Nelly, being who she is, suggested... That is a very similar naming star.

Yeah, it's a simpler time. It's everything is a place and an amount of time. See how everything... Pretty good at it. ...a article was named back then. Well, Nellie. She suggested that she put that time frame to a test. She was like, I can do it faster.

And her editor resisted saying it wasn't something a lady would be capable of. Oh, a lady. And Nellie said, well, that's fine. You send a man and I'll go to a different newspaper and they can send me and we'll see. And they went, okay, yep, you can do it. So they gave in and Nellie took off on her journey on November 14, 1889, on board the Augusta Victoria. Apparently all she took with her was the dress she was wearing,

a sturdy overcoat, several changes of underwear, smart, and a small travel bag carrying her toiletries, and that was about it. She also had most of her money, which was only £200, in a little bag tied around her neck. Like a, she is a dog. I was right on the bus.

She's a supernard. Shut up. I'm saving that. Twist for the end. She took her collar. Yeah. Fleer medication. For a leash for walkies.

So, yeah, one dress seems like a wild idea. Yeah. And do you think she took 80 pairs of underwear? No, you'd have to wash, surely. Oh. Never wash on holiday. Take one for every day. Dave, we were on tour for like three weeks.

Took 21 pairs, baby. Do you have that many pairs of underwear? Actually, yes. It's a problem. It's a problem. I've got a problem. Anyway, so unbeknownst to Nelly, she had some competition. Oh, Phineas Fobb.

No, well, that's who she thought she was racing. She was like, I'm racing the concept of time. I'm racing a fictional character. But the same day she left, Cosmopolitan magazine sent one of their writers on the same journey, but in the opposite direction. What? Well, they're going to do something in their sealed section? Yeah. There's like hottest sex around Europe.

Around the world in 80 positions. Fuck, that's so good. That's so good and it's definitely something they've done at some point. 100%. And they've like made the... Day one dog. The pictures are like... It's a dog again.

What are they on the pictures? Just something like that. This is like a bit... They're cheeky, but they're actually not explicitly sexual. Like it might be somebody like inactive wear bending down to tie their shoe. You know, like they're like, oh, it's sex, but it's not. It's like, okay. Classy, that's what that is.

That's classy. That's class. The woman that was chosen was Elizabeth Bisland. She was the literary editor of Cosmo. And apparently she, day to day, she reveled in gracious hospitality and smart conversation, both of which were regularly on display in the literary. salon that she hosted in her small apartment where members of New York's creative set gathered to discuss the artistic issues of the day.

She was a socialite. She was like good looking. Yeah, that's what she did. And that's totally fine. So her editor asked her to race and she said no, because she had guests coming for dinner and nothing to wear on the journey. But eventually she agreed. It was also said that she had no desire to do it because she was.

She knew that it would like, it cultivate some notoriety. She knew it would be like a big deal and she didn't want the fame. She didn't want that attention. Yeah, she was just like, no, I'm happy with what I'm doing now. Sounds like she was living a pretty good life. Throwing some gardening. A bit of weeding. And I'm in heaven.

Well, she's got an apartment, so maybe not much of a garden space. Thou breath of heaven or whatever. Yes, that's sweet heavenly breath. Yeah, that's sweet heavenly breath. But her editor convinced her to go So on the same day that Nellie left She left going the opposite direction Into space

Yeah She just started digging Oh So seven days of sickness Sea sickness later And Nellie was in London She took a trip She took a train to Paris

and she went and met Jules Verne himself. There was a train to Paris from London in the 1800s. Bloody. I'm starting to think this is late 1800s. Yeah, it is late, yes. Quite late. So this is like 18, this is probably the 90s, I think. Hang on, I can tell you.

It is 18. Oh, good. 1889. 1889. Great. I heard 1800. It's 100 years. Things change.

what from the early 1800s, the late, and I, I reckon now I understand that people cared about people's health. A little bit. A change in the 1800s. Do you reckon? It was a big century. Big century. How cool that she met Jules Verne?

Apparently, I think he invited her to come along. She was like, you know what, I'm ahead of schedule. I'll go meet Jules' freaking Byrne. So she did. And he wished her luck. And he apparently said, if you do it in 79 days, I shall applaud with both hands. Yeah, Jules. Yeah.

You go solo on 80 days. I don't, yeah, that's how you clap. But thank you. So you're using too many words, mate. Yeah, yeah. I know you've got to fill out the pages of your dumb books. Typical writer, hey? Not good with word economy.

Yeah, you know, the doc on Back to the Future is a big fan of Jules Furn. I think he named his kids Jules and Vern. True story. Vern really took one for the team. Day one. Day one. So she continues through Europe and onto Egypt, blissfully unaware that she's in the middle of the competition. She has no idea.

No one's telegrammed ahead or anything. No, no idea. My goodness. So she's just cruising along. I suppose if they could telegram, that person could easily set the record because they'd be catching up to her on her journey. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. So she continues on both Nellie and Elizabeth are sending back stories that are making the front pages.

People are following their journeys, kind of like, it's viral. It's 1890s viral. People are loving it. Nellie's editor began taking bets on when she was going to arrive home down to the minute. And they also reprinted accounts of Bly's journey from papers in countries she'd visited. So, like, even where she's going, people are writing about it. And then they're reprinting those stories back in America as well. So it's pretty wild.

And she arrived in Hong Kong on Christmas Day. and reported to the office of the Oriental and Occidental Steamship Company. The Transmoraforgium. That's it, yeah. So she was setting her date, she was like basically going to set up a ship to go to Japan. And there, the man in the office told her she was going to lose her race. This is the first she's heard of any race. Ah, she's thought, do you mean against time?

Yeah, well, I've got exactly what she wrote. She says, lose it. I don't understand what you mean, I demanded, beginning to think he was mad. Isn't you having a race around the world he asked as if he thought I was not Nellie Bly. Yes, quite right. I'm running a race with time, I replied. Time, I don't think that's her name. Her, her, I repeated thinking, poor fellow, he's quite unbalanced.

Yes, the other one. Her time is clearly a man. The other woman. Far the time. She's going to win. She left here three days ago. So Elizabeth Bisland's gotten to Hong Kong three days earlier than Nellie Bly has. No.

The one who had dinner plans. Yeah. Well, she's got to get back for that. They left the same day, but she's gotten to Hong Kong three days earlier. What? So probably, I'm guessing that singing only one of them knows it's a race. That's a fair advantage. You know what I mean?

One of them is just going. I just got to make it in 80 days. I'm going to enjoy the trip. You've got to make it in less than 80. Yeah, no worries. Easy, peasy. I'm on track. I'm having a nice time while I do it.

Someone else is going, I'm racing this other person. Yeah, I'm not going to stop and enjoy anything. Yeah. So Nelly's pretty shocked to hear that Elizabeth was racing, but she pushed on. She apparently, I don't know how bothered she was by it, but I think she just kind of presses on. She heads for Japan, but not without a small detour to buy a monkey while she waited for the steam ship to be ready. Wait what? I have no information about what she did with the monkey.

All of a sudden we just became her an episode of primates. That's all it takes. Yeah, she bought a monkey, I think in Singapore. I don't know. We don't know what happened to the monkey. Did she eat the monkey? Oh, God, I don't think so. Let's say no.

Did she shock the monkey? She partied with the monkey. She spank the monkey? Did she? Hey, Dave. It's natural. Okay. It's fine.

I'm fascinated. You're on a long journey. Yeah. I mean, it's been 70 days in the same pair of underpants. You're going to spank the monkey. Yeah, come on. Where did that phrase come from? So stupid, isn't it?

Spank the monkey. It's not a spanking motion. No, it's not very monkey as she either, is it? God, no. No, where did that come from? Not the ones I've seen. Am I doing it wrong? Anyway, so through a stroke of luck,

Nelly had a very smooth but long trip, a trip across the Pacific to San Francisco Now with a monkey? No, I don't know where the monkey is now. I love that you added that detail. Of course. I read it. I was like, that is wild. But I couldn't find much else on it, so I was like, it's still going in because she bought a monkey.

She bought a monkey. She only had 200 pound with her. How do you buy a fucking monkey? That seems like an extravagant purchase. Yeah, that seems like you can't eat the rest of the week. Yeah. You've blown your budget. Anyway, so she gets back to San Francisco. She's greeted in America,

huge celebration. But... Does that count? No, because she's got to go back to where she left. So I thought. She's got her back to New York. She's not done, but she's back in America. The newspaper charted a single car train to speed her across the country.

A trip that she said was one maze of happy greetings, happy wishes, congratulating telegrams, fruit, flowers, loud cheers, wild hurrah! Rapid handshaking and a beautiful car filled. with fragrant flowers attached to a swift engine that was tearing like mad through flower dotted. So many fucking flowers in this scented. Flower dotted valley and over snow-tipped mountain. It was glorious, a ride worthy of a queen. So she's having the best time.

So she completed her journey, arriving back in New York on January 25, 1890, having done it in 72 days. Wow, yeah. But where is the other? Woman. She's dead. That would be cool for the story. No, it'd be bad for the story. It would sort of put it down on her.

She got a monkey with a monkey bit her and she died. No. She did make it. Nelly had somehow beaten Elizabeth Bisland, who arrived four days later. Wow. Still beating 80 days. Yes. Quite comfortably, but not beating Nellie.

Motherfucking blah. That's actually so cool. Maybe someone didn't charter her a single carriage. train for the last chunk of the journey. She had to walk the last four days. Yeah. Well, apparently, it was later discovered that although Bisland had arrived in Hong Kong first, she had missed a connection, like, to her ship and had to instead take a much slower boat,

which added a lot of time for it. There was one in drunk history, but it's also drunk history, so how much can you really take from it? But they kind of thought that maybe, or maybe it's been said somewhere and I just didn't read it, but it was like she gets to Hong Kong and the person there's kind of a net. Nellie Bly fan. It was like, no, no, you missed your boat. You have to get a different one and put her on a slower boat. Right.

Which I'd like to believe just because that's fun. So, yeah, so she comes back and much to Elizabeth Bisland's dismay, she arrives home famous as well. Oh, no. She's like, fuck. But unlike Nellie Bly, who promptly began a four-city lecture tour, Elizabeth Bisland fled the attention, lived for a year. in Great Britain and she never spoke publicly about the trip

again after that first day. So she gets back, she's like, okay, this is my trip and then she doesn't talk about it again. She's like, I don't want the fame. What happened? Very similar to Booney last week. Yeah, not wanting to talk about it. Didn't want to talk about it.

No, no, no, that was just my thing. It's my journey. This is another wild journey, Bob. Yeah, it is. And if only I'd thought about it earlier. This deserves its own episode. This all came about because as a child she wrote a letter to the editor.

Yeah, exactly. Amazing. And she's not done. That's what's wild to me. She's already done all this. So how old is she? Oh, she's 26. Yeah, right.

No. She's 26. And she's been around the world in 72 days. 72 days. Back in this era. So Nelly Blise journey was a world record, but only for a few months. Because it was beaten not long after by a man named George Francis Train. He had an advantage.

But, yeah, so she broke the record, massive. And yes, she's 26. He was actually a train. Yeah. So, to be fair, some of the cross-ocean stuff was hard, but... But some of the land stuff was easy. Incredibly, it bounced out. Did she get in a hot air balloon at all?

God, that'd be cool, but I don't think so. Like Jackie Chan did on the film. I can't think of any of his movies. Rush hour. Rush hour, too. Can you edit out that gap? Yes. Make it sound like I was...

Can you increase that gap to about two minutes? I've been going... That's about how long it was, isn't it? What can't think of any other... My brain is not working, though. He said lots of movies. Earlier, I couldn't think of... I was trying to say naming convention,

and I think I said something like the naming vibe thing or something like that. I've been... I don't know if you said that. I think you thought that. You thought that. I didn't even say it. No.

And before I said day one... Didn't mean. anything. Yeah, I noticed. I was like, you just went, day one. And then went, oh, I don't know. What, out of context? Yeah, I said it.

I said, I said, I said, I said, yeah. Yeah, Vern's really wearing one there. And I said, day one. Yeah, you did. You two were so polite about it. I thought it was a joke that I just didn't get. Me too. Yeah, I said, yeah, Vern's taking one for the team there.

Shit name, whatever. I said, yeah, day one. I'm like, I don't know if I should bring this up. I don't know why I said that. I mean, I mean, You could have got away with it and then you brought it up anyway. Look, this is the most embarrassing thing since I repeated Jess's joke. Word for word, 10 seconds up.

I mean, I'm doing the report. You should probably be listening to me today at some point. I know it's a nice change for you. Day one. But try to listen. Anyway, day one. Let's see what we do. Do you have any idea what you were trying to say?

I don't know. My brain let me down there. It obviously thought something. He thought it had something. And it didn't. It's very late at night. You've been very sick. Okay.

I'm giving you a couple of excuses there. Thank you very much. Day one. Day one. Anyway, so she's 26 years old. And she's done two of her three life events. Is that right? Yeah.

What you're going to tell us about? So she went undercover in a lunatics asylum, wrote huge articles about it that changed those conditions. Then she went around the world in 72 days, mostly unaccompanied, which was completely unheard of back then. Women needed a chaperone. So that's two things are like the biggest thing that most people would ever do. Yeah.

Which is not done. I know. So five years after she completed her world tour, she married Millionaire Manufacturer Robert Seaman. All right. Married him for the joke. Seaman. She was 31.

He was 73. Whoa. That's quite a gap. It's a bit of a gap. His loved ones were a bit suspicious. They were sure that she'd married him for his cash. No. She doesn't seem like she...

Why would she... No, it doesn't seem like that at all. One magazine, though, even wondered if it was an example of her stunt reporting. Oh, that makes sense to me. She's pretending to be married and then she's going to write about it. She's like, what's like the fucking old girl? The inside story. The balls are saggier.

Do they really go to the toilet nine times in one night? Find out in this article? Yeah. Yeah, she's working for Cosmo now. Day one. Day one of marriage. To an old man. He smells.

And he forgets a lot. Yeah, so, but they seemed, you know, relatively happy. It was just a regular marriage. Age, love knows no age barrier. It is quite late. It is quite late. It's so late. Heaven's breath.

I'm nearly done. But when Robert's health started to fail... What? Why? Because he's old as shit. No. In the 70s are older shit back then? Well, by this time he's close to 80. Yeah.

They had like several years of a perfectly normal life together. But then as he gets a bit older, his health starts to fail a little bit. So she retired from journalism. It succeeded her husband as head of the ironclad manufacturing company, which made steel containers such as milk cans and boilers. So she's looking after the company. And she's killing it. She's doing really well running the business.

Robert passed away in 1904. They'd been married for nine years by that time. And Nelly continued to run the company with great success. In business, her curiosity and independent spirit flourished. I read that and I loved it. She went on to patient several inventions related to oil manufacturing, many of which are still used today. So she's also invented shit.

Do you have any of the things? They all weird, boring things. I think one of them was like a stackable bin kind of thing. It's funny, on Wikipedia it listed the patent numbers. Right. I was like, this is sick. But yeah, she's invented a couple of things as well. And for a time, she was one of the leading women industrialists in the United States.

But her negligence led to not noticing that a factory manager was embezzling money. And it resulted in the ironclad manufacturing company going bankrupt. How much money was he embezzling? Quite a bit by the looks of it. I don't know how much longer she was running that company for. To be fair, a lot of biographies about it really focused quite heavily on the journalism thing or the around the world thing. Right. They're kind of like, yeah, and also she ran a company, which is fucking crazy.

It's like the 1900. The early 1900. That's insane. Anyway. But it's not going very well. Not after that. So the company goes bankrupt, closes down. She goes...

It's not going very well. They weren't bankrupt. That doesn't sound like they're going very well. It could go better. Yeah. That's all I'm saying. I don't want to criticise. Room to improve.

I'm not a business expert. It's a fixer-upper. Yeah. So she goes back to journalism and she wrote stories on Europe's Eastern Front during World War I. She was the first woman and one of the first foreigners to visit the war zone between Serbia and Austria. She was actually arrested because she was mistaken for a British War I. spy. She was like, no, American rider.

A perfect cover story. She also covered the women's suffrage parade of 1913. And under the headline suffragists are men's superiors. Her parade story predicted that it would be 1920 before women in the United States would be given the right to vote. And she was bang on. Right. So she predicted that as well.

But sadly, all good things must come to an end. No. She didn't. In January 1922, Nellie Bly passed away after contracting pneumonia. She was 57 years old. Whoa. Pretty good innings, I guess, but not idea. She's very young.

Imagine what more she could have done. But she has had an enormous impact on the world, including being a massive name in the world of investigative journalism, of feminism and of industry. And that is my story about the absolute badass that is Nellie Bly. That is, what a life. What a life, right? What a story.

What a story. What a dream. Crazy. Now I know why she has the drunk histories about her. Yeah. She deserves that. It's good shit. What a beautiful tribute. Ellie Kemper plays her.

The ultimate tribute. Ellie freaking Kemper. Okay. That's huge. That's big. That's Kimmy Schmidt. Yeah. Okay.

Okay. Okay. She's guest hosted the Ellen show. Okay. Okay. Also the receptionist on the office. Okay. Okay.

Okay. That's okay. But yeah, that was it. So thank you to all those people who suggested it. And I'm glad we got to do it eventually because it's a pretty wild story. Absolutely. Thank you so much everyone that did suggest that. Because I'm glad I know that.

Yeah. Every now and then this show will educate. every now and then. As well as entertain. Mostly. It gets the balance right. Yeah. And I think it did today.

It's hard to get it right though, eh? That is hard. Yeah. It's an ongoing battle. Yep. But. We're always entertaining. But we got to remember, we're not here to entertain.

We're here to educate. Yeah. That's why the board of trustees put us in place. Yeah. Thank you to the board. Thank you. Anyway, day one. Well, what we like to do at the end of,

of every episode is spend a little bit of time with our Patreon people. Yes, it is so good to have the Patreon people here with us again today. And everyone else who's listening in for the ride, thank you so much for joining us. What you can do if you want to contribute to the show is go to patreon.com forward slash do go on pot. And there are a bunch of different rewards. You can get bonus episodes, shoutouts. And one thing we also like to do is if you are on the Sydney-Shireberg, rest in peace level, you can submit a fact quote or question.

That's what we're going to do right now. Yes, and this week, fact, and much like last week, I believe, looking up my list, it is another Jacob. This week, Jacob Giron or Yron, Jiron. Jeez, tricky. Jacob, you anything. Yeah. Is it soft?

Is it hard? Is it silent. Giron. Giron. Jacob Giron. That's beautiful. Jacob Giron. Jacob Giron.

And you get to give yourself your own title That's right And Jacob has given himself the title Of Vice President of Presidential Vices Oh, I like that What's your presidential vice? Heroin Oh yeah, that's good

Nice one's honey Yeah You can't get enough But you can just get that yourself now You don't have to be president to get honey You don't know what I do with the honey Oh God Dave, what do you do with the honey? You don't want to know what I do with the honey

I cannot say. Is it sex? Is it sex related? You know how presidents are allowed to get away with one crime? Yeah. That's my crime. Is that real? Beeboning.

Well, I've said too much. Wow, what's your presidential life? A little bit of dark chocolate. Oh, you love a bit of dark chocolate. A little bit of dark chocolate. It's delicious. Anyway, what is the... Jacob Giron has given us a fact.

And his fact is Lobsters have bladders on either side of their heads So they communicate by urinating at each other Is this true? Well, it's a fact So I guess it is If they want another lobster to know That they're happy or sad or angry

Or interested in a relationship They say it with pee That's great Exclamation mark Say it with pee This Valentine's Day Oh yeah It's a beautiful ad campaign.

Say it with P. That's beautiful. Jacob, thank you so much. That's amazing. If that's not true, we don't fact check. So don't worry about it. We all feel happier having known that. Yeah, that's amazing.

It's a beautiful fact. Thank you so much, Jacob. The other thing we like to do as well is give a few shoutouts. We usually play a little bit of a game with it. And I told you, I was going to forget how you worded it. And now you've forgotten too, haven't you? That was Dave's line. It was...

No, it was something you made up. No. They've made it up. It was like pseudonym. Snutinem. Snudonym. Yes, we got there. Good teamwork.

So we're going to give them fancy names as if they were hosting a, or writing a column or hosting a radio show or something about the arts, culture, gardening, theatre. Snootinisms. Snootinisms. Snudanms. Damn. Okay. Firstly, I'd love to thank from Palm Beach in Queensland.

And if I'm right here, Dave. I think this is a person who donated a few books to your book cheat calls. It is Teigen Longman. Thank you, Teigen. Definitely got The War of the Worlds from me. That was the week that I'd done the report on the World of the World's radio play. So that was spooky. Spooky.

I mean, Tegan Longman, that's not super snooty. I think we could snoot that right up. Jess, do you got a snoot? No, you give me an example because you did it before. Oh, my one before. My one would be p. Oh, yes.

I can't remember. Fiffle, foffaw. Okay, yes, I've got it. Caviar H. Buckingworth. Oh, that's great. Cavia H.

Buckingworth. Oh, my goodness. The limousine is waiting. Caviar with a K though, like a Kardashian. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That makes it really classy.

Yeah, with a K. Yes. Special K. Yeah. Kermine. No, we got it. Not the cereal. All right.

Thank you so much, Tegan, a.k.a. Cavia H. Buckingworth. I'd also love to thank from Falls Church in Virginia, Mr. Mike Schubert. Oh, Schubert's already good, isn't it? Yeah, Mike Schubert. Mike isn't. Oh, Mike's got to go. Obviously, it would be Michael S. Schubert.

Yes. I think. I think we know. I think Schubert should be the first name. Oh, Schubert. You're softening the team. Von. Oh, Schubert von Gigglegots.

Oh, giggle guts. No, that's rough. Yeah, that's rough. That's like a clown. Giggogots is quite nice. Giggill guts. Gyglet guts. The second.

Yes, there it is. We got it. Team work. Beautiful. Thank you so much, Mike. Shuber. All the way from Falls Church, Virginia. Amazing.

Thank you so much. Dave. Thanks some lovely people. Maybe we can class these people up a little bit. Even though they're already top shelf, we're taking them from top shelf too. Off the shelf, behind the counter. Oh, my goodness. Where the good stuff's kept.

Oh, yeah. In a cabinet or you have to get the staff member to get a key out. Oh, there's a key. I hate that. Honestly, I won't shop there. Yeah, so make me talk to someone. Even just like the liquor land up the road, like even the cheap shitty vodka's behind. I was like, I don't want it.

to talk to someone to say, can I please have that? And then, oh, yuck, no. No. But I would like to thank from Leichhardt in New South Wales here in Australia, Sean Dunn. Sean Dunn is fantastic. Moe and Shan Dunn. Oh, Shan, like Shandon.

Yeah, that's what's going for there. And Leichhardt, that is where, I believe, the West Tigers are based out of my NRL team. A very classy team. Speaking of class. Yeah. Well, I would like to dub the Chandon, Dame Victoria, Crown. Crownborn. Crown born.

Yes. Born for the crown. Yes. Right. It's not something about the crown, you know, when a baby's crowning. No. It's crowding. Yeah.

Dame Victoria crown born. I love that. When a royal baby is crowning, that's just them putting a mini-crowning. crown on the baby's head. Yeah, there you go. A. Mouie and Sean Dunn. I mean, I'm happy with that.

That's quite a fun. Yeah, that's so good. Fantastic. Well done, everybody, involved. Thank you. And I would like to thank from Fesant Creek in Victoria. That sounds good. Fesson hunting.

Yeah. Those posh people do it. Yeah, this is posh as shit already. Feson Creek. Steve S-S-E-T-E-Y. Steve S-S-E-Y-T-E-E-Y. Steve's got to go. Stephen?

Stephen is... What about... Stephen becomes Percival. Percival S. Huntington. Oh, that's good. Percival S. Huntington. Percy? It's what his mother calls him.

Percy loves to hunt the pheasants in Peasin Creek. There it is. You have definitely given him a snoodonym, which is the thing we're doing. For those just tuning in. Why are you just tuning in now? Thank you, Steve. Slash Percy. Thank you so much.

I thank some people to bring us home. Please do it. I would like to thank. From Rancho Cucamonga. Rancho Cucamonga. Is that real? Is it Cuchamonga? Can we go there?

Cucamonga. California. That's like a list of comedy names in America. I would love to thank. Kiyo Cook. Aaron Butler. But there's no place for a butler in this list. He's a Butler to the Stars, aka himself.

Yes. He's his own butler. Lawrence? Oh, yes, loving it already. Follow that flow. Triple bot? Excuse me. Triple bot.

Esquire. Yes. Lawrence Triple bot Esquire. Oh, very good indeed. Are we happy with that? His chums call him Larry over a cognac. His chum. Oh, yes, I love a digestive after dinner.

Cheerio chums. Very good. Thank you so much. Aaron slash Lawrence. Slats from Rancho Cucamonga. Amazing. How is that is? Rancho Cucamonga.

I've looked it up. It's not too far from Anaheim and L.A., sort of inland. Near San Bernardino. Riverside. There's a few other places. I don't know if these are like places I've heard of another place, but just short of Mount San Antonio, just south of. Anyway, thank you, Aaron.

And finally, bringing us home today from Salisbury in Wiltshire, Great Britain, Ed Samson. Ed Samson, Edward. Ed Samson's a great name, by the way. Posh Spice. That's what you want to change it to. Yeah, that's the pottes of names. Can you get ponder than that? The old rule of six, created a pattern.

And then destroy the pattern. Destroyed it with beautiful comedy. All right. You have you with posh spice? Yeah. I feel like we could judge it up a slot. Okay, okay, all right. Posh el spice.

Oh. Posh el spice. Oh, who is this foreigner? Spanish royalty. Oh, that's good. That's right. Bough down to the infanta. Yeah, love it.

Posh el spice. Beautiful. Ed, I think you'll be pretty happy with that. Yeah, I think you'll agree. We nailed it. Ed, we did it for you. That was worth you contributing to the show. Thank you so much, Ed.

Aaron, Steve, how did you say, Cian? Sean. Sean, Mike, and Tegan. Thank you so much. You absolute legends. I was going to try and go back through the names we came back with, but I would battle to remember six. I've completely forgotten.

But I would love to see any of you, you know, get an official. number plate or something made out of your new title. I don't think we're asking too much there. Maybe a fake ID or something like that. Or real ID when you change your name by deed poll. Yeah, which I know it takes a while. So just the Facebook name would be due for now.

Maybe some monogrammed handkerchiefs. Yeah. You're fancy. Yeah. You need some hankies. Okay. You don't blow your nose with a tissue. Yuck.

That's for commoners. Peasant. Anyway, but if you would also like to be a Patreon and contribute a little bit to the show. Again, you can do that at patreon.com slash do go on pod. And in exchange, we'll bring you up society's race. We'll bring you up. We'll bring you up.

We'll raise you. You'll have three parent. It'll be confusing. But worth it. I don't know. I didn't tell you this, but a couple of weeks ago, when I was doing the Patreon reads on my own,

I may have said that if someone contributes enough, we will keep you alive. You will not die. In our hearts, yeah. Yeah. No, I think I will pay for their life support or something. We will. Yeah.

What does that mean? If they support us enough, we'll support them back. When they die, we'll keep them alive. Okay. We're basically, we are granting one lucky listener eternal life. I put an iron lung out on hard rubbish. When I get home, I'm going to have to bring it back in. You really should have let us know that.

Sorry, like that. I just threw out my defibrillator. Oh, dear. Because I hadn't used it on anyone in a while. And you watch Mary Kondo. Yeah, and I was like, does it spark joy? No, it's sparks hearts. Damn it.

If it starts sparking, you probably should return it. Yeah. That's not a good, not a good defibar. No. Check us out on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter. Do go on pod on all of those. Do go on pod at gmail.com. And all of the information will be in the notes.

And also you can go to do go onpod.com. Yeah, do that. We've got the Brisbane show coming up. Hopefully another one being announced real soon. And apart from that, yeah, just be good. Be good to yourselves. Just stay cool. And each other.

Buts. And each other's butts. Yeah, be nice to bums. We need a signal to someone. Just use the bladder on the left or the right hand side of your head. And if you are going around the world in 80 sex positions, let us know. Yeah. Let us know how you go.

Oh, number 80. Number 69. I know what I'm going to do for that. Missionary. All of them are missionary. They're all missionary. Missionary in Mexico. We have fun.

No, we don't. We pretend we have fun. I have fun. No, you're wrong. You don't. Sorry. All right, we love you. Thank you so much to listening.

And goodbye. Later's. Love you. Bye. Later. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want, it's up to you.

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