Do Go On - 197 - The Principality of Sealand

Episode Date: July 31, 2019

An abandoned WWII gun tower in the middle of the ocean became so much more - a base for pirate radio, the scene of many violent battles... and a country. This is the wild story of the Principality of Sealand.Buy tickets to our live shows here: https://dogoonpod.com/events/Vote for Dave to be Australia's Pie Guy, (you do have to be in Australia or use a VPN) https://gourmetpieguy.brumbys.com.au/profile/dave-warneke/Our website: dogoonpod.comSupport the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasREFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.sealandgov.orghttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BeFA8rtAGfAhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Principality_of_Sealandhttps://narratively.com/the-plot-against-the-principality-of-sealand/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_LnPYRSLIchttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wonderful_Radio_Londonhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paddy_Roy_Bates Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This week's episode of Do Go On is brought to you by the fact that we are doing some sweet gigs around the country over the next few months. Hooray!

We're on the road, baby! Oh, yeah. We've got our three live shows coming up over the next few months. And our 200th episode is coming up, not this weekend, but the weekend after... Shit. In Brisbane, and tickets are starting to fly. Yes. Well, yeah, you've made the mistake giving me the login.

and it's meant that I've looked at it twice a day. Every day. So if you want to be involved, it's our 200th episode. We're doing a live podcast for that. And then we're also doing a bonus quiz afterwards. So it's two shows for one. And that's at the Zoo in Fortitude Valley on Sunday, August 11th. It's going to be a heap of fun.

And yeah, the tickets generally out every time I log in another chunk of move. So that's cool. Jump on them. Thanks, Brisbane. If you want to come along. Thank you so much. And next month we are coming to Sydney for a big, Saturday night show, another double show at the Giant Dwarf Theatre.

It's Saturday the 21st of September. And then we take a little break. And thank you so much to Perth. We've sold over half the tickets and we've still got three months to go. We appreciate you guys getting involved. And that's at the Comedy Lounge that show on Sunday, November the 3rd. Sweet. And tickets to all those shows are at do go onpod.com.

While we're in Brisbane, while we're talking about it, we're in Brisbane. Jess and I are hanging around before The Loser Dave. Sorry to be harsh there and tell it like it is, but the Liser Dave goes home to Melbourne. Jess and I hang around and party on a little bit longer for the Brits' Funny First. This is tough but fair. Yeah. We're doing three shows of Razzle-Dazzle, a brand new show that doesn't really exist yet. It's going to be fun and loose and silly and fun.

I just heard you guys brainstorming some ideas that were absolutely top shell. I've forgotten them. So if you could remember those amazing ideas we had. And what are the dates for that, Jess, August something? 12th, 13th and 15th. That's right. It's at Hay Our Bar in Fortitude Valley. And you can get tickets via a link at Matt Stewart,

comedy.com slash gigs. And we're also doing a show tomorrow night, Jess, in Knox, in Bayswilder. We are. In Melbourne's Outer Affluent East. And what a line-up. It's a sick lineup with Dave Callan headlining.

Yep. I'm hosting Jess supporting, as well as Nick Kappa, who was on our episode about the horse fucker. And Sonia Dioria. It's going to be a heap of fun. And you can get the same link, Matt Stewart,com,com, slash gigs.

You can find tickets via that link. and those tickets are moving pretty fast. It's in a nice theatre. It's going to be a real fun time. Yeah, so come along to that too, please. And afterwards, Dairy Bell. I'm telling you, thank me later. Good tip.

All right, guys, on with the show. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Hello, and welcome to another episode of Dugo. My name is Dave Warnocky, and I'm sitting here with Matt Stewart. Hello, David. And nursed almost back to health. We prayed for Bop, and she's back.

It's Jess Perkins. Hello. Hello, Jessica. Oh, okay. I said nearly back to health. She's already dying. There we go. Matt's also ill.

So basically it's going to be me talking for an hour. Is that what's going to happen? Yeah. But we're also on a real small, confined room, Dave. So good luck. If you guys could just leave the room, let me get this done, and then I'll be fine. Could you do all the voices? I'll do that.

Hello, I'm Matt. Yeah, I'm Jess. I'm no good at telling who's who. I think it's pretty good. Man of three voices. Not very good ones. One of them is his own. Hey, that's a good one, right?

No. Especially that's the worst of the three. That's yuck. But Jess, we did miss you a lot. So last week we had Naomi step in at the last second to fill in for you because you were on death store. What an absolute angel. I messaged her the day before and I was like, I thought maybe I could miraculously pull it together. It was only day one of being sick.

And I was like, maybe it's like when I normally get sick and it's a day. day or two in bed and I'm sweet. It was eight, so that was fun. But I messaged Naomi and I was like, hey, any chance you're free tomorrow night. And I was expecting her, no, because she's a human. Yeah, she's busy. And that's fine. She's got stuff going on.

She was like... She's making TV and other things. She's crushing it. Yeah. So I was like, look, this is a big ask. And she was like, of course I can do that for you because she's an angel. What an absolute lesson. It's so funny.

But I did realize as the episode wore on that you really pulled. pull the reins here. You keep us moving. When you weren't here, it really got loose. Oh, cool. I'm the boring one. And if you listen back and think, I wasn't that loose, I'd cut at least 15 minutes.

It's nice to know I have a role here, I guess. You're fantastic. You were missed. You were absolutely missed. But you feeling it right now? I'm feeling fine. Like a fine wine. Yeah.

Look, it's as good as it's going to get. Like Fran Fine. I feel like Fran Fine. You sound like it too. I love her. Yeah. She's the best. I've spent like a solid week watching Glee for so many hours a day.

That now I just want to break into song all the time. I want to... Now you want to break into? Yeah. I think I'm going to introduce that into my personality. I've been watching The Good Wife as you know and now The Good Fight. And there was an episode which I found out later that was... based on events of glee

stealing a song. And they played out like a fictionalized version of that in the Good Wife courtroom. I started watching The Good Wife based on your recommendation. And I do very much enjoy it. It was just that I was so sick that, and I had to pay attention to it. Right.

So I was like, look, I'm going to hit pause on this for now and come back to it. Yeah. I'm not saying it's a perfect show. There are so many characters. Many characters in it are very frustrating. But it is a... I don't know, I really liked it.

Anyway, and I think it's about time that this little show that could, the Good Wife, that was cancelled a few years ago, finally got out there to the public, even though it was the highest rating show on TV for quite a while. Wow, really? Yeah, I believe so. I just never assumed it was good. Do you reckon that guy, Chris Knoth, what's his name?

Mr. Big? Miss Wick, does he ever play anything other than a complete asshole? That the ladies love? Yeah, he's just such a fucking sleaze. Yeah, I don't know. Even in, he's in, he's in war. Which one is it? He's in a Hillary Duff movie.

Perfect. Boy, boy, she's a man? No. Anyway, he played, and he's kind of, even sleazy in that. That's wrong on so many levels. Boy, she's a man. Yeah, no, that's the one. That's the one.

Anyway, Chris Noth is the poor man, Sandy Cowan. We all know that. Yeah, we all know that. Hey, Dave. Even poorer man's Mr. Sheffield. Dave, I want to check in with you. Where's Pie Corner at? Is that a segment we do on this show?

Dave's Pie Corner? Well, we're bringing in it. I appreciate you creating that segment for me because I haven't been watching any TV shows because I've gone into full campaign mode. Head down, quit my job and I'm now a full-time pie eating man. That bit is not true. But if people follow me on Instagram, they know about five years ago. It was a bit of a joke.

I started hashtag Dave Pyeastogram. Now I exclusively post pie photos. Sometimes that's annoying because I have a photo that I want to post. I literally can't because I don't have a pie in the photo. But that's all I do. And then our friend Matt Hoffman recently tagged me in a Facebook post saying that Brumbies, which is a bakery chain here in Australia, are launching the search for Australia's gourmet pie guy.

And I've decided to enter, throw my hat in the ring. And all you have to do is sign up. And you get people to vote for you to be the best. pie guy. The other people that have entered don't even seem to have a passion for pies. They don't have an Instagram. They don't have a hashtag. They don't even seem to eat pies. They're jokes. What is this amateur hour? Do they have podcasts that reach thousands of people that can now vote for them? Yes, I'm really hoping that I could somehow capitalise on this audience that we've built to ask you, great, do go on us. To do go on to the Brumby's website,

which is linked in the description and vote for me to be Australia's gourmet pie guy. This is so exciting. I'd really like to win. I like it how you think that your you're sort of taking advantage but really you're being taken advantage of by a bakery chain now plugging it for free on a podcast. Matt, please. No campaign is free, all right?

You need people to donate for your political campaigns and that's what essentially people are doing. That's true. Do you understand? Do you understand? I watch the good wife. I know how Chris North made it all the way to Capitol Hill. So if you're out there,

you've got a spare moment, you'd like to indulge me. Yeah, just head over to the website and vote for me to be Australia's Gourmet Pie Guy. What do you get? Oh, that's right. If I get the most votes, they'll give me $10,000. What?

Fucking hell. And that will go into our pockets. I will not be throwing that money away. No, I've, my campaign... Will you be buying me and just pies? Yeah, can you at least buy as a fucking pie? I'll buy you each a pie, absolutely. Yay!

My campaign platform is I've eaten pies... I've eaten pies... I've had pieograms on four continents now. there's two inhabited ones to go. That's South America and Africa, and if I win, I will fly there to eat a pie. Antarctica has people living on it. What does inhabited mean?

Either do it properly or don't do it at all. I will get to Antarctica one day, I promise. But first of all, South America and Africa will be ticked off with the prize money. The pies money. Yes. That's why you're my campaign manager. But you said you'll buy us a pie. Absolutely.

I would like a money pie. How much money in the pie? $10,000. I'm out of pocket now. I believe you win campaigns these days by lying, so sure, you know whatever you want. Yes. Yeah, great. Anyway, thank you so much.

I appreciate Pie Corner. Yeah, Pie Corner, welcome. I can't wait to check in. How long is this run for? Until the end of, I think it's the 26th of August, it closes. Which is happy birthday, Jess. If I win, I will bow your pie for your birthday. Yes!

Should we get on with the bloody show? Probably, yeah. Someone did comment somewhere this week going, is it just me or the intro is getting longer than they've ever been before. We can't win. It's one or the other. People either complain that too short or too long. So I say, let's make them just right. Let's get stuck in.

It's my turn to do a report this week. Yes. We're excited. You're back from the brink. Back in the saddle. Back holding the reins. Yep. All of those things.

Right on that horse. Mr. Hans. I'm riding it. Oh, Mr. Hanson. No, he was the man, wasn't you? Now, if you haven't heard that episode or any episode before, what we do, he is we take it in terms to report on a topic, often suggested by a listener, and it is Jess Perkins' turn this week, Matt and I, we don't know what you're going to tell us about.

And we always start with a question. And my question, gentlemen, is which micro-nation has a colourful past involving pirates, James Bond, and a self-appointed royal family? Where was the Bond author born or whatever? He lived on a... He lived in Jamaica, right? Oh, that's not a micronation. Golden Eye, was that his ranch?

What, like, uh, his compound in Jamaica? I'm incredibly proud of this question. Micronesia? That's a really good question. Thank you so much. I don't know. I don't know. How small is a micronation?

It's got to be a small one. It's real small. Really small. Like St. Kitts and Nevis or something like that. It's not that. Uh, Barbados. Belize? I don't think you will have heard of it.

Great. Well, let's hear it then. Oh, Dave would have. He knows all the countries. Give him a letter. Let me listen for you now. Well, it's a principality. Oh, Monaco.

No. Of Sealand. Sealand? Sealand. Our theme parks. Sealand. It's Sealand. Principality of Sealand, yes.

Oh, isn't Sealand like a seafood shop? Probably. Sealand, sea land. It's me and it's you. Silly old Winnie the Sealand. Oh, I've had Winnie. We need the poo in my head all week. That's what that is. Yeah. All right.

Poo bear, Winnie the poo bear. So you're doing a report about sealand. Sealand. Fun for the whole family. And the principality of. Oh. That sounds exciting. So it is a micronation that claims Fort Ruffs, sometimes called Ruff's Tower, which is an offshore

platform in the North Sea. Oh, I think I've seen photos of it. It looks really cool. It's not cool. It's approximately 12 close. or 7.5 miles off the coast of Suffolk. At the time... Off the UK. Of the UK.

Wait, is this one of those ones where it's just a crackpot who is living by himself on a floating... Look, it's not far off, but it's wild. And I should mention as well that I put this up to the vote for the Patrions, and it won by 57%. Had like 260-something votes for it. Wow. Massive.

And it was suggested by only one person. Suggested by Tristan Thornton. Is he a resident of Sealand? Man, that would be cool. God, I hope so. So basically, I'll give more information. It was built in World War II, but at the time, the UK claimed the area

up to three nautical miles or six kilometres from the coast. And as this was beyond that limit, it was officially an international waters, baby. My dream to do a podcast from international waters. Maybe we can do it from Sealand. Oh, can we be invited? I reckon. I reckon we can definitely.

find a way. I'd love to eat a pie at sea land. Yeah. Yeah. New dream. So basically, it's a 10,000 square foot gun platform built by the Royal Navy during World War II. So it's kind of made of two hollow towers joined by a long flat deck across the top.

It's not particularly big. Well, it doesn't look that big, but I mean, it holds quite a bit of stuff. So it's pretty big. But basically, there's heaps of them that were, they were sort of towed out into the ocean

and then they sink the bottom of it so that it falls to the bottom of the sea bed and then they just had them to protect themselves from the Germans during World War II. The facility was occupied by 150 to 300 Royal Navy personnel throughout World War II. That's decent, isn't that? That's a lot.

That's what I mean. It doesn't look that big, but it held that many people. Think about how big your house is. How many people could fit there? Well, me. 300, but a normal person. That's just your pantry. Yeah, the Butler's pantry.

It's capacity for 300. There's two people in my house. Two? Two. Right. I mean, it's not a capacity. You're not squeezed in there. Alice in Wembley and stuff.

It's a little bit squishy. Okay. So just imagine your house. Should have eaten a cookie. Because your house times 150. That's how big this place is. Whoa. Now everyone can imagine that scale.

Just put it into perspective, didn't know? go. 150 of Jess's apartment. Everyone imagined Jess's apartment. And the evil. You got it? Okay, great. Now, time's at by 150.

Right? Wow. That's all your brain's exploding. So the last full-time personnel left in 1956. This is long after the war. That is the year that television came to Australia. It is. Wow.

It is. There's fun facts like that that keep us listening. See, my dad was born. And my mum. Oh! No. Is your dad my mom? Oh my God.

What? Are we sisters? What? Sister? Wow. We're the cis twins. Yeah. All right.

I feel so bad for your existing sisters because I'm now your favorite. it. Top three. Top three sisters. Yeah, you are in the top three. Woo! Suck it, Tom! Not counted.

Tom's a brother. Yeah. What's that? Nothing. Anyway, so after the war, these towers were decommissioned, and the British government sort of left the forts to the elements following the end of the war, and in the mid-1960s, a group of enterprising DJs moved in.

and set up illegal radio stations. Enterprising D-D-D. That is a business card I can get behind. That's what mine says. Now this isn't the boat that rocked? It's exactly that. Really? So it's not, I mean, the boat that rocked was based on these pirate radio stations

that operated out of these kind of towers or boats because the media referred to them as pirate radio stations. And basically it was like a real radio station. And basically, it was like a rebellion against BBC radio because BBC had a monopoly over the radio, but didn't play any, like, popular music. And it was, like, very serious, whereas these pirate radio stations had, like, actually entertaining presenters. It was funny. Got that BBC.

They put a lot of different content in there. There was, like, shows about different things. Secret sounds. Secret sound. Crank calls. Hello. Yeah. Is Gary there?

No, there's no Gary here. You pranked. Woo! Confetti cannon. I can't believe the BBC didn't commission that. It's so good. That's pirate stuff. That's bad.

That's badass. So this particular tower, Ruff's Tower, was occupied in February and August of 1965. I don't know what was happening in between, but by a guy called Jack Moore and his daughter Jane. They were squatting on behalf of the pirate radio station Wonderful Radio London, also known as Radio London or the Big L. I looked into the history of the station and it's pretty fascinating as well. So this is like a little tangent. But it operated from December 1964 to August 1967 from a ship anchored in the North Sea,

three and a half miles off Frifton on Sea, Essex. Absolutely. Spot on pronunciation. Thank you. It was the idea of an American guy called Don Pearson, who lived in Eastland, Texas, in the US. He read a report in the Dallas Morning News about a couple of other pirate stations that had started in the UK called Radio Caroline and Radio Atlanta.

He caught the next flight from Dallas to the UK where he chartered a small plane and flew over the two radio ships and after taking a bunch of photos, returned to Texas, determined to create a station bigger and better than both of them. So he's doing surveillance. Yeah. What? Just from the air.

He just jumped on the next flight and then another flight to do it. And then went home. I love that spirit of the moment stuff. So good. Classic Texan spirit and ingenuity. Absolutely. So basically they bought an old, it was like a former Second World War United States Navy ship. It was originally named the USS Density.

They called it MV Galaxy And it was fitted out for radio broadcasting in Miami Then sailed across the Atlantic to Portugal Where the antenna was erected Before final positioning off the Essex coast That sounds like it's going to cost a lot of money Yeah Do you know how they make it profitable?

It was mostly run from like advertising deals and stuff I think and some investors I think Don Pearson was pretty well- He must have been loaded Because he jumped on the next flight Yeah, back in then I imagine flights are pretty expensive back then to just catch the next one. Totally. He had other contacts and stuff like that as well.

I left all of those details out because it's just a little tangent, but yeah, he just sort of made it happen. The Simpsons Texan? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Ten gallon hat, shooting pistols in the sky, six shooters. Big time. He's doing that on the plane. Please, sir.

This is a no-shooting fly. Smoke away. This is not a big thing or whatever. Oh, please. It's a crime not to smoke on a plane. So the ship or the station had a massive staff of presenters were obviously massively popular because they apparently got an eight-day UK exclusive on Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Heart Club Band playing at first on the 12th of May.

But it wasn't in shops until the 1st of June in 1967. So they got an exclusive on it. That's wild. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, that was a different time. Different time. Back then. The Beatles are given pirates their music.

Crazy. But then, but then, at midnight on the 14th of August, 1967, the Marine Broadcasting Offenses Act came into effect in the United Kingdom. It created a criminal offence of supplying music, commentary, advertising, fuel, food, water or other assistance, except for life-saving, to any ship offshore structure, such as a former World War II fort. They put that into writing. I don't know, for example, an old battleship run by an old Texan crazy man. For example. I don't know. Just made it up.

Used for broadcasting without a license from the regulatory authority in the UK. So they were like, all of you pirate radio scum dogs are out. Scum dogs. Shit. Despite initial plans to the contrary, Radio London did decide to close before the act came into effect. They were going to be like, we're going to keep rocking, but it was just like they'd be fine so much. We'll never stop.

How much? We'll stop. We'll stop. We have stopped. And we won't even go right up until midnight. We'll stop well before, just to be safe. Yeah, wow. Thank you, but goodbye.

So, Pirate Radio was just a small part of the history of this abandoned World War II gun platform. The fort wasn't abandoned for long following the departure of Radio London. On the 2nd of September, 1967, Major Paddy Roy Bates, a British subject and pirate radio broadcaster, rolled into town, and by town I mean the fort. And rolled, you mean... Arrived on a boat. That's what they do. He served in the British Army, rising to the rank of major, and was part of several battles,

including the Battle of Monte Cassino in the Italian campaign, and had been with the 8th Army in North Africa. He then became a fisherman before moving into pirate radio. A couple of years earlier in 1965, he had ousted radio city staff who'd occupied Knock John Tower, another tower, not far away, similar kind of structure. And he took over for his own radio broadcasting. So he was just like, you guys out is my radio town now.

So, yes, sir. Because there was only a limited number of these, like forts. So quite often it got violent. Like people would kind of attack and take over. Wow. So parradi has actually become like acts of piracy. Yeah. It's insane.

If somebody who stormed into my studio and was like, get out. I'm doing it now. I'd be like, sweet. All right. Awesome. But that said, I work from 1 a.m. to 6 a.m. So someone was like 3 a.m. Get out.

I like, bye. A pirate comes in. Yeah. No, I'm going to broadcast for the next three hours. I'd be like, thank you. Good night. Thank you. Do I still get paid?

Yeah, I mean, as long as my bosses don't know. Can you put on my voice, Dave, can you? It's Dave. Dave's the one who's barging in. Yeah, Dave's a part. Yeah, you are listening to Triple J with me, Jess Perkins. God, that is what I sound like. Coming up, June rats and another band.

Here they are now. Couldn't think of any other band. No, I cannot. We do play older stuff sometimes. Coming up, an exclusive on Sergeant Pepper's Lonely. Not quite that old. Yeah, so it got violence sometimes and there would be like battles kind of thing. They're like, all right, there's only one way to sort this out.

A duel. With cannons. I do it frisbeeing records at each other. It's a vinyl of a final jewel at dawn. So using the military equipment that was left on the platform, he used an old United States. Air Force Radio Beacon to broadcast his station. From Knock John Tower, he ran Radio Essex, from 1965 to 66,

and succeeded in becoming the first pirate radio station to provide 24-hour entertainment. Also, I just mentioned 1966, and Matt took a sip, so I just had to power through it. I'm sorry. You missed it, you missed it, you missed it. We got you. We got you. We got you. We got you.

Did he say 1966? No. It's like Monopoly. If we roll without you noticing, we have to move on. The station changed its name in October. The same year to Prince's better music station. People are going to want to want to know why 66 is important.

Who wants to know that? Well, the people who don't not yet know that that was the year. Go listen to any other episode. The Saints won there. You son of a bitch. Premier ship and the VFL now the NFL. You are fucking dead to me. Football competition.

You don't want a time out now. Saints now have won two games in a row now and who knows, maybe this is the year. Still a mathematical chance for finals. You are unbelievable. A lot of things have to go our way. Several of the other teams have to retire. There has to be some kind of incident where most teams are all out of with food poisoning.

Yeah, so we're inviting a lot of teams to meet at the Southland Food Court this Thursday afternoon. We'll be giving out free chili. Pink chicken. I'm starting a new shop for any AFL footballers. They get free food at my pink chicken stall. Get your pink chicken. NFL football is only. Stay away, Saints.

I'll get there and it'll just be Saints lined up. There'll be 40 Saints. The whole Saints list will be there. The only team desperate for a free meal. Why don't I go South there and the closest to their training base? What was I doing? No. Anyway, I've committed to this.

A deal's a deal. Pink chicken it is, boys. Anyway, so he's the first part radio station to provide 24-hour entertainment. He's around the clock. Is he broadcasting solo? No. The episode of The Simpsons where Krusty, all the TV stations are taken out, so he takes out the emergency broadcast signal.

Oh, that's in the desert. 24 hours a day. We've got all these characters. Moppy? Was there? You get Stingy the Scorpion and a battery. That's good stuff. The station changed its name in October of 66 to Britain's better music station.

or BBMS after Roy had been convicted of violating Section 1 of the Wireless Telegraphy Act of 1949. I'm not sure what that is. He was then fined £100 for his continued illegal broadcasting. So when he arrived at Ruff's Tower in 1967, he had all the equipment ready to go to start broadcasting again, but despite having everything you needed, he didn't produce any pirate radio again.

This was mainly due to the Marine Broadcasting Offences Act that I mentioned before, which again pretty specifically targeted their exact type of structure. So they weren't allowed to do radio anymore or massive fines. So instead, on the 2nd of September, 1967, Roy Bates declared the independence of Ruff's Tower and deemed it the principality of Sealand. He's like, well, if I can't have a radio station, I've got a country. I like that. I mean, that's big picture thinking.

Yeah. A guy called Ronan O'Reilly of another pirate radio station, Radio Caroline, along with a small group of men, tried to storm the platform that Roy Bates had claimed. Bates and company used petrol bombs and guns to thwart O'Reilly's attempt. Really? Another fun fact about this guy, Ronan O'Reilly, is that he also is also credited with convincing George Lasonby to give up the role of James Bond after only one film.

Oh, which we would have talked about in our James Bond episode. I do remember talking about how he was convinced out of it. Yep, and that was by this guy, apparently. Huh. Smart call. He went on to do bigger and better things. Yeah, everything worked out. Anyway, as a result of the conflict.

Also, that guy's claim to fame. He still tells people now, I'm the one that convinced George Lazenby to quit. Oh, cool. Okay, great. Thank you. So, what do you want? A haircut or? So, sorry, was it a soy flat wine or what are you after?

He's telling Roger Moore. He's like, I gave you your career. You owe me. Okay, mate. So do you want that haircut? Roger Moore, it did not go well for him. Well, sadly, point out that the timeline doesn't quite work there, does it? Well, it does because there would have been acting between.

But if he kept doing it, it would have thrown out the whole timeline. and Roger Moore wouldn't have ended up getting it. And maybe I never would have been born. Exactly. The show wouldn't be happening. So really, I've got to thank that guy. Wait, because you, your parents copulated over a Roger Moore, am I saying copulated right there? Moon Raker.

Oh. Oh, more like Poon Maker. Poon Raker would have been still fine. Great. You don't have to change all the words. Dave's got a, for new listeners, Dave's got a skill of turning anything into porn. Anything. What would you have gone?

What would you have made Moonraker? What would have been there? I mean, Poonraker is pretty great. Okay. Poon breaker. Oh, Poonbreaker. Oh, that's pretty nasty. Oh, I don't like that.

Oh, I don't like that at all. Dave, no. Can I just talk about this weird place in the middle of the ocean, please? You're going to lose me for a few minutes because that's all I'm thinking about that. I mean, this place is called Ruff's Tower. Oh, all right. How do you spell rough? R-U-G-H.

Oh, okay. I was going to say not anymore. But yes, now. And this porno involves dogs. Oh, rough. I don't know why I did the thing with my hand, like a meow, because dogs don't do that. No, no, they don't, yes.

Anyway, so they had like a bit of a shootout when other people tried to take over. And petrol bomb. And do you think that the new people that are coming in are trying to disclaim it for pirate radio reasons? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. It's a crazy biz. It's insane.

So the Royal Navy turned up at some point to Ruff's Tower, where Roy's son Michael fired warning shots at the Royal Navy when they entered what Bates claimed to be Sealand's territorial waters. You're in our waters. Yeah, wow. That seems like a... I can shoot at the Royal Navy if you're in our waters. Because it is funny how we think of someone who sets up their own country.

Like, this is silly, you're being an idiot. But that's how all countries are initially set up, right? It's just someone going, this is mine now. It does feel a bit like it's too late for that now. Right. Do you know what I mean? Like all of the land has been discovered. It's been split up.

You can't just wander in now and be like, mine. And even that, it's not land. It's a tower thing in the middle of the ocean that you've now made a... You're a prince of it. You're a prince of it, Roy. For me, towers in the middle of the ocean are the only exception. Okay. I think you can claim it as a country.

Okay, well. Why not not? A lot of people in this story disagree, but a lot agree. Fair enough. I was about to say, as long as you're not hurting anyone, but you are literally shooting at the Navy. Just warning shots, though. Oh, okay.

But also, the Navy are coming at them. What are you going to do? Stand up for your country? Well, hang on, because another thing I read was that it was just people coming in to try and do a bit of repairs to one of the boys. Yeah, that's what they say. It's a Trojan horse for sure. So anyway.

Inside that horse floating on the ocean was a submarine. Inside that submarine A lot of men with guns A lot of seamen And inside those seamen More seaman Used to make future generations of soldiers Yeah

Seediners Yeah Be careful So he was pretty smart to shoot at him Shooting at their balls And what was he shooting? Himself or a gun Okay

He's got great aim It was a real cum fest He was yelling Peeo! Peele! As he just jerked off off into the ocean. All right, I'm done. This war's over.

So he's fired warning shots, but he's still a British subject at the time. So he was summoned to court in England on firearms charges following the incident. But as the court ruled that the platform, which was now being called Sealand, was outside British territorial limits, the case could not proceed.

So the British court, did not have jurisdiction over international affairs as rough towers lay beyond the waters of Britain. Wow, so he shot at the Navy and got away with it. Well, Ray Bates, Roy Bates, the dad, took this as a de facto recognition of his country. He's like, well, if you can't rule, that means I'm real. So seven years later, he issued a constitution, a flag, a national anthem, some currency and passports. What's the flag look like?

I'm actually not sure. I'm looking at up. And you say seven years later, and that whole time has you just been living there? I think coming and going. Wow. Yeah. Oh, I like it. It's saints colours.

Red one black on a diagonal. It's very close. You do that, that's a saint's flag. Yeah. That's true. It's very good. But do the saints have currency and passports? Oh, what do?

Sea land dollars? Whoa. It's pretty wild. So, Roy Bates had long, intended to make the fort into a profitable business. And the plans that he had sort of cooked up with some other interested parties. There was a group of German businessmen and entrepreneurs who were interested. So he and the Germans are cooking up these grandiose ideas.

Sounds like they're going to start a drug lab to me. Cooking up. You're not far off. They envisioned creating more maritime forts that would convince. next to Sealand and host money exchanges, post offices, duty-free shops, a casino maybe, a drugstore, a heliport, hotels, apartments, an oil refinery, a lounge, and perhaps a coffee shop. No promises on that. We don't want to go crazy.

But we will have an oil refinery and a casino, obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And a post office. And duty free. Is this what Kevin Costner's water world was based on? I think so. Nothing's free in Waterworld. In August of 1978, Roy and his wife Joan, the princess.

Oh, literally what they've started calling her. Yeah, so he's Prince Roy and she's Princess Joan. Why not Kingdom? Why'd they go for Prince of Palloy? No idea. Maybe they're humble. Yeah, that's good. Which I like, to be honest.

I appreciate that. Go off Prince. I don't want to be a queen unless it's like K-W-E-W-D-D, you know, like Queen, Yars Queen. I want to be a Yars Queen. I want to be like Queen Lizzie. clean, that seems exhausting. Right. Yeah.

Does seem pretty exhausting. She's got to waddle around with her dogs, got a horse racing occasion. You know she never wears the same thing twice? Oh, exhausting. Getting dressed in the morning with a different thing that someone's picked for you. Nightmare. I have been told recently, actually, in the last couple of weeks, that she does pick. So she never goes upstairs in her bedroom.

Because that's where the ghost is. The ghost of her father. No, people come down, I think, with pictures of potential outfits and swatches. Oh, she was the original clueless. People bring her down and, yeah. She's got a mix-and-match machine. Every morning it is a montage of her in front of the mirror. Just holding things up in front of her, like shaking her head.

Yeah, and her best friend going, no. And then finally going, yeah. She's got it. He's got it. She's got it. Princess Anne. Her sister. Is that a sister or a daughter?

The daughter? Daughter, yeah, it doesn't a sister. So her daughter's her best friend. Of course. Lame. I remember in high school, whenever girls were like, my mom's my best friend.

I remember my mom being like... Do you start vomiting? No, I remember my mom shutting me down and being like, I am not your friend. How good is that? But how have people in a situation where they're publicly saying their mom's their best friend in front of your mom?

Where are you? Because I'd be like, Mom. Sarah said her mom's best friend. My mom would be like, lame. I'm not your friend. That's a cool mom. And then I've brought that up with her more recently and she's like, yeah, but you're a teenager. We needed boundaries. Now we can be friends. I'm like, don't you fucking pity friend me, mum. I've got my own friends. Was Gilmore Girls peaking back then? Maybe. So everyone's like, yeah, my mom and I had just

like Lorelei and Rory. Alone and my mom's kind of weird. Anyway. So. We talk fast. We talk so fast and we drink a lot of coffee. So Prince Roy and Princess Joan drove to Salzburg in Austria. Oh yes, I've been there. Great beautiful city. Great Irish bar, I assume. Yeah, what NFL game did you watch for me?

I think I'm... Was it hockey? Do you watch some hockey? No, we watched the hostel. We stayed at played sound because it was where sound of music was filmed and maybe bass as well. And it was, the hostel played it every morning and night. Oh, that's awful. Oh my God.

For the workers. And do they have like the highest death rate of any hostile workers? A weirdly high suicide rate. Just kill me now. There's also the town that Mozart was from. So there's a lot of every shoppers selling Mozart merchandise. But the thing I remember most about going, we went out for Italian, which was close, you know,

had a beautiful plate of Nyoki. Yeah, went in Rome, sure. But I remember the next one, I only said, there a couple of nights and I was falling asleep with music in my ears and it was like an old school iPod and it I had my alarm set on it I told you a story about how I had it

connect to a speaker one time in Seoul's no that was in Ireland but in Salzburg I had headphones in the same thing happened so no one else heard but me and what was your alarm at the time it was a system of a down attack the first track of hypnotise

and it yeah like it was a starling way to wake up. Yeah. Wake up! Oh, that would have been better. I'm sure I made that joke last time. I think you might have. I think I did.

That rings a bell. Anyway, can I try this sentence for a third time? Please do go on. Thank you so much. So they went to Austria to meet a guy called Alexander Achenbach. Oh, that is fantastic. I can't be right, but that's what I'm going to call him. What a beautiful language.

I feel like that's going to be, I wish someone kept track. I wish one of us kept a spreadsheet of the great names. I would have been good. But I reckon that would be on. That'd be in the top 100, yeah. Top 100. I mean, there's been so many. Ack and back.

Ack and back. So they were meeting him and some others to finalise some of their plans for what they were going to do with their land, sea land. Alexander was a German lawyer who described himself as the prime minister of sealand. But unbeknownst to Roy and Joan, Alexander had hired several German and Dutch mercenaries to lead an attack on sea land while Roy and his wife Joan were in Austria. Whoa, this is like old school European kingdom type thing. It's insane. Whilst you're talking to the king, you go around the back. It's like an action movie.

He's like a classic villain. So they stormed the platform with speedboats, jet skis and helicopters. And they took Roy and Jones son Michael hostage. The old school European wars never involved jet skis. I'd love to have seen that. Arch duke on a jet ski Squirting a musikers. That's what I was going to say.

Purpose to be like, oh, do I get you? King Henry, we cannot find a wetsuit big enough for you. So they've taken the son Michael hostage. Apparently they put him in the fort's single cell prison for several days. The fort held prison. What the fuck? So this is from an artist. There's an amazing article I read on, I had it up here a second ago, on narratively.com.

And this is a little bit from that. So it says, eventually the captors threw Michael onto a boat which deposited him in the Netherlands with no money and no passport. A sympathetic skipper helped him get back to England where he linked back up with his parents. the reception wasn't necessarily warm. How can you throw away our life's work? His mother asked him in tears. Like it was his fault. Yeah.

That people stormed. Yep. While he was alone. What have you done since you've gotten back to resolve the situation? Roy Thundered. So his parents are just like, what are you doing here, Dickhead? Go get our sea land back. Go get on a jet ski and take it back.

You didn't see your mum and dad. Dad, three jet skis. Three. And a helicopter. That is pretty wild. So Michael explained his ordeal. He says, to this day, I can't sit with my back to a door or a room full of people. This is in his memoir, Principality of Sealand, holding the fort.

The family quickly decided that the only possible response was to recapture the fort. They gathered some rough and tumble friends and a few guns and enlisted the talents of a pilot friend who had flown helicopters in a James Bond film. There's a lot of bond connections. Yeah. Two. That's a lot. Count them.

The plan was to fly to the fort, repel down some ropes, and retake the principality by force. Attacking at dawn, they descended from the sky, fired a single shot from a sword-off shotgun, and tossed the captors into the brig. They ascended from the sky.

Here's what Michael said. You'll love this. We coup d'etard the coup d'etat. Oh my goodness. A double coup d'ay two day. Yeah, they're coup d'etard. But we kuday chad. They do kudotatat.

And then Roy says, you don't serve seven years in the army without learning a thing or two. Roy. So Alexander Ackinbach, who held a Sealand passport, was charged with treason against Sealand and was held unless he paid a fine of about £23,000. So Germany sent a diplomat from its London embassy to Sealand to negotiate. for his release. On the ground, are they going, what the hell is happening over there?

Can't believe this is my job to sort this shit out. It's wild. So Roy Bates relented after several weeks of negotiation and subsequently claimed that the diplomats visit constituted de facto recognition

of sea land by Germany. Got you again. Which Germany has denied. Germany's like, no, we don't recognize you and he's like, ah, but you do. So now England accidentally recognized. Who am I?

Well, you're right. Recognise me. Gotcha. I'm a Bruins of the Sealand. Prud's the Sealand. Nah, you recognise me. So Ackenbach and a guy called Puts established a government in exile, sometimes known as the Sealand rebel government or Sealandic rebel government in Germany.

So they retreat back to Germany and make their own little Sealand government in exile. That will come back later. Oh, okay. So I need to point out, like I just mentioned before, and I should have just waited for this. The rest of this report is heavily based on an article by Dylan Taylor Lemon, which is the one on Narratively.com, which apparently is adapted from a chapter in his upcoming book about Sea Land.

It's going to be released next year. Weirdly excited about it now. But it was the only sort of source that I could find that had a lot of information about what happened next. So just putting that out there. Shout out to the lemon. Shout out. DTL. Dylan Taylor.

Down to lemon. So we're jumping forward a couple of decades now to the mid to late 90s. So Michael Bates, who's now in his 40s, was shocked to read an article in the newspaper that linked him and his family to the murder of Italian fashion icon Gianni Vasachi. No. He's like, hang on a second.

What am I reading in this paper? What's next to this fun cartoon? An article is saying, my family's linked to a murderer? He doesn't talk like that. It turned out that a passport issued by the principality of Sealand was found on the houseboat where Versace's murderer had committed suicide. So it was like this long, this guy had gone on a little bit of a killing spree.

He fled, he ended up on a houseboat and he was kind of surrounded and he ended his own life. But there they found a passport from Sealand. Investigators learned that the owner of the houseboat was a German citizen named Torsten Rineck, described by some acquaintances as well-spoken and polite, but by others as obnoxious, unpleasant and disgusting. So somewhere in the middle. Yeah, so just normal. Normal, yeah.

He also owned a Las Vegas health spa where orgies allegedly took place. Don't know why that's relevant. My first instinct was, oh, that place sounds not. Oh. A health spa. A health spa. In Vegas, lovely. Okay. Again somewhere.

Why the health spa? Yeah. places. Yeah. It should be nice and clean. Why not just call it an orgy factory? Yeah. I wish people would just be more honest.

Be out front. Be vulnerable. Be authentic. Yeah. Just do what you say and say what you do. Couldn't agree more. Right? So this guy was also a socialite who loved showing off his Sealand passport and was

said to have diplomatic plates from Sealand on his car. Consequently, authorities began looking into the micro-executive. crination to see what role it may have played in Versace's murder. I mean, this was news to me that Versace was killed. When was this? Who is he? I was in the mid-90s. Do you know the Versacee fashion house?

Yeah. Sort of like the figurehead and founder of that. Right. He got murdered in the 90s. Yeah, I had the front of his house. Whoa. Yeah. And then there was a houseboat.

Yep. I mean, the plot deacons. Excuse me. You can have boats that are houses now? What? So July of 1997 is when he was assassinated. Same year as Our Lady Die. Yeah, it was a big year.

And the Saints finished on top of the ladder. Excuse me. Going down to the Crows and the Final because we lost our two Ruckman, Laser Vittivik and Peter the Spider-Everett. Anyway, so a couple of years later in Madrid, in the year 2000, a guy called Trulio. I've definitely said that wrong. I looked it up.

Truio Trueio How do you spell it? T, R, U, J, I, I, L, O Is it Truio? Yeah, I'll just call him Ruiz. Double L is A-A.

Ruiz, which is his surname. He was a flamenco club owner and former police officer who'd been kicked off the force for burglarizing a home was about to be interviewed by a journalist about his duties as a high-level government official. The reporter had just turned on her recorder

when the Spanish police stormed the room. Ruiz was under arrest, they announced, for allegedly selling more than 2 million gallons of diluted gasoline. He appeared very relaxed as he pulled out a diplomatic passport. We're talking about E10? Yeah, yeah.

He pulled out a diplomatic passport and claimed immunity. The police had no right to be there, he said, as they were actually on territory belonging to another country. His office was the Cilandic consulate in Spain. The passport looked legit, and the police were puzzled as to how to proceed. However, after a little more investigation,

they were confident that arresting him would not violate any international laws. Far from being a diplomat, Ruiz was one of the prime movers and shakers in a gang of scam artists operating throughout the world. He was arrested and taken into custody for fraud, falsification of documents. And one of the gang's primary sources of income was the online sale of Sealandic passports, nationality cards and degrees from universities

supposedly based on the principality of Sealand. Right, but there are no universities there? No. So customers could shell out between nine grand and 55, depending on what they needed. Wow. What? And then most even the Spanish police look at it and go,

nah. Yeah, so what's the point of that past point? I have no idea. This is a funny collectible. But also, it's amazing they've got, so they've got set up offices in multiple other nations as well. Yeah. It's a big operation.

It's huge. So that must have been why they were so keen to like, Like have that, right? Yeah. Why, two decades earlier, people were storming it with mercenaries because of the, they saw the potential cash you could make. I guess so. I don't know.

I don't know what sort of motivated them. So not long after his arrest, officers crashed two more Sealandic embassies in Madrid. One of them located in an office that managed bingo halls. So they're in like weird places too. At least 20 fake diplomatic passports, hundreds more blank passports. and 2,000 official documents were seized in the raids,

as were two vehicles with Sealand diplomatic license plates that had been escorted through Madrid by Spanish police on more than one occasion. Well, they turned up and said, we need a motorcade for our diplomats. And they're like, no worries. You're like, of course, right this way. We should get a motorcade next time we go overseas to a show. I'd love that.

Where would we get Dugo on diplomatic plates? Yeah, we'll tell them away from the principality of Dugo on. We go on and we have diplomatic community, or as you would say. Diplomatic immunity. Can we have a driver called Joe like in Princess Darius? Oh, how good is Joe? Joe is the best. Best character in that film series.

If you don't know it, Matt. What are you talking about? How do you both know the same thing? Because we're young. Is that a young person thing? Yeah, it was a thing that was cool when we were young. So you were like, I don't know, probably working your eighth job. What's the name?

I did. And I had steady careers. So age job, that's... That's a long time. Yeah. What is the name of the... Genovia? Genovia is the name of the fake country that they come from and the princess.

What are you talking about? No one's seen this movie. How have you not seen this movie? Anne Hathaway? Please. Julie Andrews? My generation's version of that was little notebooks and people would draw pictures at them. God, that sounds dull.

Oh my God. No, my generation. A generation's version of that would have been the princess bride. Well, it's different. Just because they have princess in the title doesn't make them similar films. Every 10 years they make a film with princess in the title. I was assuming that there was some sort of... No, Princess Diaries.

It's not the same. No, no. Anne Hathaway doesn't have a sixth finger or whatever it is. No. No. I'm curious. Is it six fingers, Dave? Seven fingers.

Six fingers. Six fingers on his left hand. A six fingered man. Anyway. saying that right? Probably. So Sealand's true prince, Michael Bates. Where was he this whole time? He was just hanging out at home in Essex.

He was tipped off to these strange going-ons around the same time when a friend asked him about the documents for sale through the Sealand website. And he was like, that's weird. We have a website? Well, no, but they did. But they'd only just started the website. It was like really new and they didn't have any kind of platform for selling stuff on it. So he was like, what are you talking about?

Hadn't started a merch shop? So he goes, he checked his, oh, I mean, speaking of merch shop. We just started our own one. Yeah. Oh yeah. And we are selling passports. Dave, you're saying we set our own one. It's probably stretching a little bit.

Jess did all the work. I am part of the team though. Okay. Thanks so much. We started a merch shop. Yeah. And we send them out on a weekly basis. If you want to order T-shirts, you can.

That's right. And Jess will write you a nice handwritten note. And also, your address on a piece of packaging. Also, I've been sick and my nails are too long. So my writing this week. was really bad. So I'm sorry to anybody who's about to get a t-shirt. Do you go to...

Do you go on pod.com. Right. And there's a link. There's a merch link. You click on that tab, the merch tab, and it'll take you, or shop, and it takes you to. Our big cartel page. And yeah, there's a couple of different designs with different colors.

Just you're doing a fantastic job of sending that out. Thank you so much. Look, more to come. And you get to wear some merch and support the show. So good. So good. And honestly, we'll try and get passports in there soon. Some of the best fashion.

Oh yeah, real conversation starters What the hell's that? If you're single, buy one of these t-shirts And get ready. Fuck. Because you don't look damn fun. Yeah, no shirt says DTF than a shirt that says,

do go on. And it's got like a globe on it? People are like, what's that? You go there. I'm warning. And I'm missed a worldwide. There's a globe on your shirt, but there's a bulge in my pants. They'll be like, tell me more about this shirt

over breakfast tomorrow. How do you like your eggs? What time should I pick you up? Oh, I didn't get it. Oh, you thought that would go out for a little breakfast day. Oh, yeah, the next day. Oh. Oh, Dave.

He's got so much to learn about the world about breakfast with strangers. Oh. Fuck, I love breakfast. So pick you up at 10. 30. This is good? That's more of a brunch. I love a brunch.

Anyway, so Michael Bates is like, what's going on here? So he checks his website, which of course, was www. Fruits of the Sea. Dot demon.com. UK forward slash sea land.

How did he get in so early? Freights. Dot D. That is the shit. I can't believe it was still available. I'm not so lucky. I thought it was going to have to pay a fortune. Often people just like buy all these websites.

You have to pay them here because they just sit on them. I got my dream domain. First go. I thought I'm going to dream big. What do I want it to be? Perfect world. What's my website? Presumacy.

Demon. Fords slash, um, Sealand. See what's available. It's available. Whoa. No way. Lock it in.

Lock it. Won't be for long. And also like, at fruits of the sea. Dot demon.com. You have fruits of the sea? Fruits of the sea. It's confusing.

It's very confusing. Anyway, so he checks his website. Once again, fruitsof the sea. dot demon.com. UK or slash sea land. And the site was exactly how he left it. Of course.

He can't buy anything on there. He's like, well, that's confusing. So then he does a little bit of a typy, typy, typy. Okay. Ask Steve? He searches the World Wide Web. Oh, okay. And he found another site.

Fritz of the Sea.org. With a much more manageable name name. It was www. Principality dash sealand.net. That certainly makes it a lot more sense. Yeah, the dash is a real old school. Yeah. A website though.

But still, it's better than his. It has some sweet moving star things in the background. But it'll be better. It's better than dot d'em. Dot demon. How do we change our website there? How? Do one dot demon.

Can you do a news backslash, backslash demon? It's just a phone of your butt. Do one pot. coms, backslash demon. All right. I feel like an idiot because only a couple of weeks ago I put together a website for myself. And I just called like Jess Perkins. Dot demon?

No, dot com. You like an idiot. Idiot. It should have been dot demon, you fucking moron. So anyway, you goes to Principalityofsiland.net. And lo and behold, it was a website pretending to be the official website of Sealand and one could indeed buy a number of sealandic documents.

Including a passport. You could buy a passport. You could buy degrees. Okay. These things still exist where you can buy like a piece of paper that says you own like a square kilometre of the moon or something like that. Yeah. But they're like five bucks.

But the people who own the moon set that up. This guy is the prince of Sealand, no idea. You don't go on and pay between 9 and 55 grand for your novelty passport. Well, it's because the moon ones are science fiction. The moon doesn't really exist. Sealand exists. Science fact. Yeah.

Well, maybe, I don't know. I don't think it was seen as a novelty thing at the time. Like, people used it to like open bank accounts or get jobs or prove that they were diplomats for this country. With your moon deed, dicky. Yeah, go into the bank and be like, hello, change my card to Mr now, please. I've got to, I own property on the moon. They're like, okay, Master Warnocky, yeah, you can play with these blocks until your mum picks you up. But I have a beard now, sir.

Please. We know that's stuck on, mate. Come on, mate, we weren't born yesterday. You were. I had a proud moment. On Sunday, went up to Sydney for work for the day, and I was trying to find food. nothing was open. Classic Sydney.

Suddenly I'm in the casino. Oh, Dave. Which? Star Casino. You mentioned that in the last week's episode. You were right. And it used to be Star City Casino. I looked into it. So you were right on that fact.

I know my casino. Anyway, I walk in there. People are getting IDed. I just want to go and find a food court inside the casino. I walk up to the guy and he goes, oh, it should be fine after my beard. Never had that before. It still looks at my ID.

But unless I'd hand it to him. Yeah. Which I just assume you had to. He would have let me in. I refuse to. Because of the beard. That's never happened in my life. I just keep walking until they stop me.

I just act real confident and just keep going. Dave, you've been legal for 10 years. I know. Congratulations. And I've only looked legal for about six weeks. It's very excited. You look barely legal. And you can find me on belly legalteens.com.

So horrific. There's got to be an explanation. It hurts. It hurts to laugh. Do you think it was just him going, this would be badass? I want people to respect me. I had a country.

I can call us whatever I want. Yeah. Unless it was like back then you could free web designers and stuff. and they would just insert their thing. So maybe he got it made by a company called demon.com. He couldn't afford just to buy the outright domain. He's like, well, it's free if I just called dot demon.

That doesn't take away from the legitimacy of my wedd mind. And he's still ended it with the, he's saying, no, we're our own country, but I've still got a dotco. com. It wasn't dot like SL or something. Yeah. Forward slash Sealand. That's the first time he mentions Sealand.

Fruit of the Sea. What is Fruit of the Sea? I want to know if it still works. Let's try. We're live searching fruit of the sea. Dot demon.com. dot UK, forward slash sea land. It doesn't work.

I'm shocked. I wonder if it's up for grabs. Let's get it. Oh, please someone out there buy that website for us. Just please. Please. Oh, fuck. That was fun.

So apparently, so I googled fruits of the sea And apparently the French for fruits of the sea Is a plateau de fruits de mer Probably pronounced if you believe in that But it's a seafood dish Of raw and cooked shellfish Serve cold on a platter Usually on a bare device

So he's named his country's website After a gross dish Did he call fish platter? Do you think when he's setting up the URL He's accidentally typed in his password. He's like, yeah, fruit to the sea. Dot damon. All right.

Dot co. com slash sea land. Great. I'll just set that up. Oh, no. That's my password. It was fun. Okay.

So are these people in Spain getting busted big time? Well, Spanish investigators unraveled the web and found that the scams. The Worldwide Web? The World Wide Web? They unravelled it. Oh my God. It's massive. They found the scams associated with the fake Sealand paperwork involved more than 80 people from all over the world.

The scams were impressively wide-ranging. One ambassador used bootleg Sealandic documents in an attempt to acquire 1,600 cars and secure a 20 million euro loan to buy two private planes. Wow. Sealandic credentials were sold to Moroccan hash smugglers and the gang reportedly sold more than 4,000 passports in Hong Kong for $1,000 apiece. Well, Haggah was border security back then that this was working for everyone. Like you never heard of it.

I know, I haven't heard of it, but anyway, stamp away. Here's 1,600 cars. Should I check? No. I mean, it's all here. I mean, dot demon. I mean, it was the 2000s. There were new countries popping up all the time back then.

Who knows? Oh, you know what kind of wacky central American country this is? Sealand, all right. Rotto. I'm sure it's probably in Africa. I never heard of it. So Michael's blown away by this. He was like, we were completely shocked with information and papers he showed us.

He's made no money from it. No, he goes, we knew nothing at all about it. He stormed to get it back and then someone else to set up a website, probably from their land room in Berlin. It just made all the money. He goes, it was all news to us. Even more incredibly, the gang's leadership had begun negotiating with members of the Russian mafia

to buy tanks, helicopters, bombs, missiles and ammunition through a shell company set up with bootleg, sealandic documents. And they intended to then sell these firearms and weapons and everything else to Sudan, which was under embargo by many governments of the world for being a terrorist state at the time. So they're like, no worry, Sudan, we got you.

Fuck, all on fake documents. What a fake country that no one until now, until the Spanish police, checked. My stomach still hurts from laughing. So that guy I mentioned Truya Ruiz reportedly first learned about Sealand while working in Germany for a man named Friedbert Le, who had launched his own Sealand fan website. Launched his own Sealand fan website in 1998. A fan website. Yeah.

And he asked this guy Ruiz to set up a Spanish brand. branch office of the Sealandic government. When confronted by investigators about the fake passport, Ruiz considered they were made in Germany but said he had been appointed acting head of state by the royal family of Sealand and been given authorization to issue Sealandic passports. And he was like, hey, Roy Bates, he's a vegetable. His son, Michael, he chose me and I accepted. But Roy Bates was fine.

Right. He's like, the family's in turmoil. They chose me. And they're like, no, they're not. They're fine. When did he say vegetable like? Like a vegetable of the sea? Don't David?

Don't name it? Vegetables of the sea. Oh, it's so good. Meanwhile, Trulio Ruiz's father, who shares the same name, told a reporter that it was bad fortune that he had passed his name onto such a numbscull. The investigation to his son's criminal activities resulted in his father's bank account being frozen And it also contributed to his parents' divorce

He goes, I knew this Sealand affair was not going to turn out well I'm convinced they used him Because he doesn't have the ability to pull off something like that He's not very intelligent Wow Thanks Dad But who do we know in Germany Who would have anything against Sealand?

A certain Prime Minister So the government in exile Anglo Merkel Which is all I know Chancellor Anyway please The government in exile

Who had gone back to Germany They said they had absolutely nothing to do With the late 1990s Spanish passport scam They weren't even asked about it We had absolutely nothing to do We did not sell 4,000 passports exactly for $1,000 oh shit

I don't even know what you're talking about Despite the denial, investigators noted that the circumstantial evidence linking the Germans to the scam was pretty strong. So Torsten Rinek, who owned the houseboat where Versace's murderer turned up dead, was linked to the same Germans who worked with Ruiz, and these Germans all led back to Alexander Ackinbach.

No. Former Prime Minister of the government in exile and the man who attempted to coup of Sealand in 1978. In the mid-1990s, Ackenbach, set up a company called the Sealand Trade Development Authority Limited through the infamous Panamanian law firm Mossack Fonsica, said to be one of the world's top creators of shell companies. According to information revealed in the Panama Papers League of 2016, this company was set up in the Bahamas using a Sealandic passport and envelopes bearing Sealandic. Stams. So it's all fake shit anyway. Similarly, Ack and an Austrian couple named Joseph

and Eva Bayer opened a bank account in Slovenia in 1996. They caught the attention of the Slovenian authorities when six million euros suddenly appeared in the account in March of 1997. Officials expected that the money was from laundering or organised crime or a pyramid scheme. And not long afterwards, the buyers, the couple, came into the bank and withdrew 200,000. thousand from the account. Again, they're using Sealandic documents and when they attempted to withdraw four million more, the bank gave them a smaller amount and set them on their way. They're like, oh, nah, you can't have four million. I don't know how

much they gave them, but I'm assuming it's still a lot. But then they were arrested as they tried to cross into Italy. And then Slovenia had long since put a hold on Ackenbach's account which then triggered an eight-year leave. legal battle between Ack and the Slovenian state, who struggled to prove that the money had come from an illegal source. So he was like, you have to release my money to me. And they're like, but we're pretty confident you're dodgy. He sued Slovenia in 2010 for preventing access to his money, asking for $1.3 million in compensation for the difficulty the government had caused him over the

past eight years. Keep in mind, he was 79 years old when he started this lawsuit in 2010. And he died in the middle of litigation at the age of 80. Oh, damn. I don't know if it is a damn because he's pretty full of shit. Yeah, no, old damn is like, what a waste of your time. Totally. Like, why spend your last year doing that? Anyway, so.

So he's died. But are you getting the feeling that he's made millions from this scheme? I think, look, I don't really know. I don't know. It's so weird and layered and. Yeah, there's so much dodgy stuff there, isn't it? Yeah. Shell companies and, um, look.

and it feels like a movie. Totally. But Sealand itself is like pretty innocent. Yeah. So the principality of Sealand. Yeah, it's just, you mean the thing floating. The family. There's just a family there.

The structure is like innocent. I mean, it didn't do any of this. No, that's true. It was just sitting there, bobbing in the ocean. The structure is definitely innocent. Hey, is this anything? Fruits of the sea on the streets, dot demon in the sheets. Dot demon in the sheets

Yeah it's pretty good My favourite is also The idea of just thought of him handing out business cards and his email as info At fruits of the sea dot demon Dot go.uk Fulch slash Sealand Or Roy at fritz of the sea dot demon

So bad So the principality of Sealand Then greatly reduced the number of passports it issued Following the scams of the 90s How are they still issuing passports? Well, they stopped altogether after a certain thing that happened that you could say change the world. 9-11. Oh.

I thought you were going to say the Sydney-2000 Olympics. And what? I thought, yeah, I thought we were going to say Nikki Wibster. Wibster. Nicky Wibster. So after September 11th, no more passports issued. Huh. Today, however, the Principality does offer a legitimate way to become a citizen of Sealand.

The Bates family sells royal title. an official business whose proceeds go only to funding the honest initiatives of the true Cilandic government. Does that just mean their pockets? You can buy a royal title or you can be like a Duke or a Duchess or a Knight. Do you have any idea what it costs?

I thought I had here. I know what your 10 grand should go towards now, Dave. You win the pie competition. Who in the pie competition? Actually, it wasn't completely unreasonable. It was like 50 bucks maybe. Right. And is there any way, do they let you do a tour of it?

Maybe. Could we do a podcast from Sealand? That would be pretty cool. So amazing. Yeah. Here we go. Hang on. Online shop.

If we're there, surely if we buy knighthoods. We can visit it and record a podcast. Well, the knighthood is $146.99. Well spent. Dave, if you win that pie thing, you've got to give us all titles. And then if anything's left, then you can go to Antarctica. I'm okay with being a lady. It's only $45.

Okay. You'll be a lady? What will Matt be? He could be a baron or a baroness or a count. A duke? Oh, they're all good. But Barron's great. Barron's good.

That's also 45. Yeah, I'll be a baron. Okay. If I win the pie competition, please vote. Baron and lady. I will grant us all. I'm not looking to have kids anytime soon anyway, so. Oh, Matt.

I'm so sorry. It's a pun! Is that a pun? Yeah, you did it. I did it. I did it. Great way. I did it.

Do you get it now? Do you get it, Baron, von Matt Stewart? I wasn't even making it. joke there. It's just being honest and vulnerable with us. Yeah. Now, not planning on having kids any time soon. No.

Thank you. Me either. I assume that's why people got called barons and baronesseses because they were. I'm genuinely excited to look into if you can visit Sealand. Oh. Look, it's pretty far out. And if not, let's just go to SeaWorld on the Gold Coast. That will do as well.

I also did do like a, I watched this documentary kind of thing as interviewer versus journalists went out with them. On a date. Yeah. Oh, I think I was watching Love Island. No, so it goes out like a boat with, it would be Roy's grandson and granddaughter now. They're going out on a boat.

And the way that they get on to sealand is like there's someone there. They lowered down this like swing seat thing and you sit in it and they hoist you up. It's very glamorous. What show is this? It was like a doco thing. when I watched about it. Oh, right. Anyway.

Okay. At the end, I'll reveal what I've found here. So Prince Roy and Princess Joan passed away in 2012 and 2016, respectively. Oh, my God. Yeah, Dave, they were old and it happens. It's very natural. That's our king and queen. Roy was 91 or something.

Joan was 86, so they had a good innings. Wow. But the country is going strong more than five decades after it was founded. And Michael says, we've been a country longer than Dubai's, been in existence. Yeah. Cup that Dubai. How do you feel about that?

Dubai? Sure, you've got a lot more structure than we do in an actual airport. Yeah. But is that all? No. Oh, you've got more infrastructure. Well, great. We've got plans of a cafe maybe.

Maybe. Maybe. Perhaps a coffee shop. Don't know. Anyway, so he only takes fairly intermittent trips out to the fort these days. But Sealand is always occupied by at least one armed caretaker. He's just sitting in a rocking chair with the house. the shotgun.

One armed caretaker. Did you say that? No. By one. Yes. Armed caretaker. Okay. Still could be taken that way.

One armed caretaker. Yeah. By a. N. Armed caretaker. Also, there's at least one arm on this caretaker. Fuck you both. We can confirm this one arm.

I've got like two dot points left. I wasn't. And my voice is going. I wasn't trying to fuck with you there. I thought that's what you said. And that would have been, I wouldn't have put that up. Maybe he's got one arm. Maybe he's got one arm.

I don't know. There's nothing. I'm not saying there's any problems here. There isn't at all, baby. They do. They'd still be able to do the job. Yeah. So no problem. The drummer from death, they'd only got one arm.

The drummer from death has only got one arm. That's true. What's that song again? It's summoned by, what was they called? They had a song called The Bad Touch. Oh, Bloodhound Gang. Bloodhound gang. There we go.

Good teamwork. The government in exile is. still going strong as well, and it's led by Prime Minister Johann WF Saiga. Since a constitutional amendment transformed a transferred power from Ackinbach in 1988, the group has become even more bizarre and sketchy under his reign. Its philosophies are driven by UFO-infused Aryan mysticism

and the quest to harness a force-like energy called Vrille. I don't think any of us expected it to say that. So, that whole sentence again, please. No problem. So good. Its philosophies are driven by UFO-infused Aryan mysticism and the quest to harness a force-like energy called Vrille. Where did that come from?

Hard to say. I kind of didn't want to look into it just so that it's more fun. This country has been through a lot. So much. And to sum it all up, this is actually just, about this guy Saiga. This is from Dylan Taylor Lemon. He says

Saiger has been investigated for numerous shady financial and land dealings over the years and he's been suing to get back the nuclear and chemical weapons entrusted to his safekeeping that the illegitimate German government took from him. Saiger asked this writer if I could

put him in touch with Donald Trump to help him with his quest, canceling further contact when I was unable to do so. He's like, Can you put me through Trump? Put me on with a dono. This is just called over. And so that is the story of Sealand.

That is an amazing tale. It's an amazing tale. The micro nation of Essex. They've really gone to hell and Ackinback. Oh, wow. That's good stuff. Now, I can't tell you this is an official website because it's only silandgov.org. Okay.

But I googled, can you visit Sealand? It says, Principality notice. Visitors to the principality due to the current international situation and other factors, visits to the Principality of Sealand are not normally permitted. Accordingly, the application list for visas is for the time being closed. Emergency or other special circumstances suggesting that a visit might be appropriate require prior approval from the Bureau of Internal Affairs. And then there's an email.

Or requests are carefully considered and a delay of at least 30 days may be expected before a decision is made. It is highly unlikely the permission to submit a visa application would be granted. Should we email just in case? Yes. It really does feel like we should get onto this. Yeah. If there's going to be delay. Yeah.

Good to get onto it soon. Yeah. Could you get the wheels in motion there? Absolutely. We'll send that email tonight. Guys, they accept Bitcoin. So we're set. That seems trustworthy.

Oh man. I feel exhausted now from laughing. Dog demon. That was so fun. So yeah, that's my report. That was a great report. I'd never heard of that at all. I've definitely seen it in like a listicle type thing of like, you know,

places you might not know about that kind of thing. Yeah. Now I've Googled the image of it. Yeah, I've definitely seen that kind of thing. But I'd had no idea of its wild history. And we appreciate that the Patrons, of course, voted for the best topic there, I'm sure. They did really well. And speaking of patrons, actually, that's what this part of the show is all

about. It's all about appreciating and thanking some of our wonderful Patreon supporters who do so by going to patreon.com forward slash do go on pod. Do go on pod. Do you on pod. Do you on pod. That's right. And they submit a little bit of money every single month and in exchange you get rewards. We can get rewards. You get to know about our live shows before anyone else does. You get involved in a Facebook group that has a lot of activity going on which is really cool. There's hundreds of members in there. Jess puts out a newsletter every week so you can keep up with us a little bit more.

And we give shoutouts and probably most popularly is we put out two bonus episodes that no one else hears every single month. They're secret. That's right. And we talk about all of you and we try and

work out the secret of Vril. Yeah. Out of harness, Rill. I love it. Vrill. I'm on board But can we call it something else?

No I don't want to say to the meeting V-R-I-L-R-L I will die on this hill It's real It's brilliant Is that a pun? Yeah, kind of

Yeah To play Yeah Onwards All right Love it, good stuff And yeah So another section

Before we thank a few of the people By name On our That support the Patreon Matt does A little fact quote or question section for people that belong to the Sydney-Shineberg

rest in peace, deluxe package tier. I'm loving this section of show more and more that it's kind of like the sealed section because some people do stop just before now, I think. But I think a lot of people keep listening. Now they're gone. Who wasn't reading the sealed

section? Yeah, good question. This is, a lot of people skip to this section alone. When does the report end? Let's get to the good stuff. But if people do support us on Patreon, especially on the Sydney-Shineberg, rest in peace, deluxe memorial package or above,

you get to give us a factor quote or a question. I'll read out one of them each week, and the people who do give me one of those also get to give themselves a title. And this week, our fact quote or questioner is Sof Waldron. Sof Waldron. We know her well. And that's why her title, which makes sense, is the official live show photographer.

Yes. Soif gets roped into taking a lot of photos for other people. Not roped, but she's always just nearby. And so... And happy to do it. Happy to do it. She's an absolute delight. And also, now that she's done it so often, now I purposefully do it.

And she's like, okay, so if you'll take eight photos, won't you? She's also, you know, made it official. Exactly. Right now. So she loves it. She's owning it. And I love that for her. We should send her a sea land style certificate saying,

That says do go on official photographer. The principality of do go on. We've got to do it. So, okay, the official live show photographer has given us a fact and this is her fact. And I'd never read out the facts, the quotes of the questions, until I read them out, obviously. And I'm reading it out right now. I work in jewelers and a customer brought in a synthetic diamond to get made into a ring. I got very excited when she told me the diamond is made from her mum's ashes.

It's not getting shot into space, but I think I'd like to spend my afterlife as a flawless, precious stone now that I don't know it's an option. Oh, hell yeah. Wow, I think, is this a person I imagine we'll just wear the jewelry like your mum's on your hand forever?

Yeah, your mom's always with you. That's cool. That's sick. You can pass your mum down from generation and generation. Hey, a passing my mum. Yep. Will you take my mom in holy matrimony? I didn't know you could become a diamond.

Yeah, that's it. I'd do that. Shine bright like a diamond forever. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Because diamonds are forever. I've heard this.

That is true. Forever. It's weird that I chose to sing one, but not the other. Yeah. All right. What else is there's... Gold finger. Kiss have a song called Black Diamond, I think.

Any other diamond tracks, Dave? Diamond's a girl's friend Girl's best friend Diamond days by Is that a thing Is that a Bowie thing? Diamond dogs Diamond dogs and demon days

By gorillas of merge there Dot demon Dot demon Dot demon days And you're like What did you say Diamonds are a girls best friend That's a very popular one

Yeah I know Dave I'm a very popular girl I just wanted to point that out In case people didn't hear it And they're yelling How did you not get that really famous one I got it I know everything Nicole Kidman's ever done

She doesn't suck at all. She sucks. Oh, okay. Here we go. Hating on another Australian celebrity. Oh, here we go. Did you get tagged in a lot of things announcing Bindy Irwin's engagement? Fuck, did I?

Oh, do you think maybe Steve Irwin's in her ring? Oh. So to speak. How did her boyfriend get his ashes? They're a tight-no family. Sorry, fianc. Ah, fiance. Hey.

Anyway, it won't last. That's my bed. Oh. My bed is it'll last through the ages because it is a love as big as the stars. Yeah, true. I mean, anybody who meets someone when they're like 15, that's definitely the person you're going to marry and be with forever.

Yeah. Get out there. It's happened before, I'm sure. I'm still hoping my high school girlfriend comes back any day now. She's just gone out to get some smokes. Yeah. Got out to get some smokes and got married and had a couple of kids with someone else. But anyway, she'll be coming back.

Really? She'll be coming. Let's talk about that off here. Okay. We will. I don't want to see pictures. Anyway. So now we also like to thank a few of our Patreon supporters. We'll each thank a couple.

And normally what we do is Jess comes up with a little game for us to play. Something based on the topic of the episode. What are you thinking today, Jess? I was thinking, well, first I was thinking, like giving them the name of their principality. Oh, that makes sense. But also, but it would be much harder, but the real highlight was the website. Okay. Giving them a website?

Well, no, I'm saying that would be much harder for us, but far out. It'd be harder to come up with something stupider than dot demon. Yeah. Yeah. True. Yeah. So let's just name their principality. Okay, great.

Well, I'd love to thank from Overland Park in KS. Kansas in the US. Kansas? It's Savannah Floyd. Ooh. What a name. Do you think sometimes they fake it? I reckon that can't be a real name.

That's a stage name for sure. There's a few good names in today's lot, I reckon. Oh, my goodness. Savannah Floyd, and she would be then the princess of, let's do a word each. Okay. I'll kick it off. That's good stuff. Boulder.

Wood Hills. Oh, that sounds like a fancy estate. It does, isn't that? You know? Princess of Boulder Wood Hills. Yeah. I love that. Savannah.

It's a lush. lush island off the coast of Costa Rica. Oh, wow. But it's also like a gated community, like really fancy. There's a gate around the whole island. It's a prison. You can never leave. It's a prison.

The twist is they're all prisons. Yeah. Yeah, good point. We're a prison. Look at us now. We're free. We're girt by sea. Young and free, apparently. We've got so much room for every.

Everyone says our ransom. I'd also love to thank you so much, Savannah Floyd, if that is your real name, doubtful. It just can't be. It just can't. I'd also love to thank from Newport in Melbourne, Australia. Oh. Bonnie Carr. Bonnie Car.

We're going to Bonnie Car. I like that. Hopefully she'll get that. Oh, she better. Bonnie? I like the name Bonnie. Love Bonnie. Is it short for anything?

Bonita. Bon Delonovich Bonapete Bon Appetit Ebony Is it a real answer Oh is that true Sometimes

She could also just be Bonnie Yeah They've also gone out They've gone out the window Sorry I'm saying this a lovely name Big fan of it Bonica

I'll say the first word this time Great Bonnie car Sorry that's just her first name Bonica Bonica Yeah I love that name Bonnie car

Was that sure for something Bonica Geller Ebene of Bonica Okay Orange Wipe Hello First word

You thought of Orange wipe hello Orange wipe I mean It's growing on me Yeah Orange wipe hello And hello to you

Welcome to our Beautiful country Orange Wipel Princess The OWH Hello Hello And welcome

That was very cute Thank you so much Bonnie And your highness May I thank some people? Please. I would like to thank. From New Haven.

CT. What's CT? Connecticut. Connecticut. Jordan Gage. Oh, Jordan Gage. Sounds like a spy. I as action hero.

Yeah. Jordan Gage. Jordan Gage. Jordan Gage. Jordan Gage. Jordan Gage. Jordan Gage. Jordan.

Stop me, please, someone. Okay. You have another first. I'll go first. Church. Sensible. Valley. Yeah.

Church sensible. See, he kind of always ties it together. Have you noticed that? He brings it back because of like hills. Valley. Hello. Hello. No, that's boring.

I mean, we could just say, we could say hill or green or something boring at the end of each one like Dave does. I think that's. I think Bonnie will agree. She did pretty well. Hello. That's true. That's good stuff. Thank you so much.

Jordan Gage. Connecticut, my goodness. We don't have that many patrons from Connecticut. Connecticut, tell me about it. Is that from the Midwest? Most places I don't know much about it. No, it's like northeast, not right up above New York. Oh, Connecticut.

Oh, Connecticut. Now I can never get it. No way near the golden mile Okay so it's between Both of you Now you can't get it That's good That was a good bit

I got lost in geography there Jess Just tell me it Tell me it No She said now I canada get it Connecticut get it No

God damn that's good How did you pull that off I apologize How do I connecta get it It I'm so sorry All I wanted to Jess Since you've been away

I don't know If you heard last week's episode I was away for one episode Well in that time I've fallen in love Of the new state It's called Vermont Oh yeah

Why are you so into Vermont. And they're Creamies. I haven't listened to the episode yet. I didn't mean to. I've been to sleep. Okay. The question is for you.

Creamies, they sell them across this state or the gas stations have them. There's signs for creamies everywhere. What do you think a creamy is? It's an ice cream. It is. You have listened to the episode. I haven't, but I just took a guess. Sheeded.

Cheater. I wanted to say it was some kind of like donut or like a, I'm imagining a Cadbury cream egg. Oh, okay. So it's an ice cream. No, it's like a slightly thicker, soft. serve. Oh, right. And they only call them creamies there.

Oh. Other states don't have creamies. And they're proud of it. So we're going to go over and have a creamy. We've added Vermont to the Golden Mile. Yeah. It's an extra 14 hour drive. It's added quite a bit of time to it, but we're going to do that drive.

I didn't agree to that. Did Naomi on my behalf? Yeah. She said she was qualified. She agreed to a lot. I bet she did. Yeah, yeah. You're in a lot of trouble.

Oh, no. So the next person I want to thank, no address listed. So I've no. Dear. I assume Vermont. Let's say Vermont. I'm guessing the great state of Ohio. Second great estate there is. After Vermont.

You've said Vermont's number one. I think it just needs a bit more love. Bloody hell. Second least populated. You know who else needs some love. Who? Alexander Smith. Oh, that sounds like a pseudonym.

Yeah, no address. Alexander Smith. What are you hiding? What are you hiding? Is this a money laundering thing for you? Just because you didn't. didn't want to give us your address. Doesn't mean you don't deserve to be thanked.

Yeah, thank you. You know who you are, Alexander Smith. I'm saying that in inverted commas. Yeah. You know that you're real. Yeah. I mean, you don't have an address, but we're about to give you a country. Yes.

Yes. And that country is... Phone time. Happy. Man. Phone time, happy man. Give me a call on phone time, happy man. We are good at this.

Phone time happy man. I did set you off on a weird path there. You're right. Dave really does tie it all in together. Hey, I tried something new because you bagged out my last approach. Yeah, he was trying to adapt to what you wanted. What would your old style have been? Phone time happy.

Fally. Tent. Oh, yeah. Now, do that. Go back to your boring. Phone time. Happyton. Phone time.

Man. Well, thanks to Alexander Smith. We don't know much about you, but we know we like you. Yeah. Yeah, and that's all we need to know. That's all we need to know. Exactly right. Oh my God, I've just read the next name.

I don't know if you've seen it, Matt. I have not. Prepare. I'm prepared. I would like to thank, from Denver, Colorado, home of Belisopher and two great airports. I would like to thank, it's got to be fake. First name, Maverick. Surname, Valdez.

Maverick Valdez. Oh. That's the good shit. That is the good shit. That is the good shit. That's the good shit. Oh, yeah. It's got me.

Maverick Valdez. Where have you been on my life? Maverick Valdez. But we can't come up with anything as good as that. If you told me to come up with a great name, I would not come up with a name that good. No, no way. Your parents are legends. Wow.

Absolutely. Actually, I assume a person called Maverick Valdez probably didn't even have parents. They probably just wield themselves into existence and said, I'm here. He's always been there. You look around. He's in the corner. I've always been here. How'd you get there?

I'm always here. I've always been here. Maverick Felders. Need anything? Got a cramey. In my pants. Oh, Maverick. We'll let you get away with that in the workplace, but only you.

But you are the Maverick. All right, I'm going to say a word. Matt, you're middle and Jesse you bring it home. Maverick Valdez. This country is called Harpoon. Living. Bottles. Oh, harpoon living bottle.

Yes, I'm using things I can see in this room. Me too. Me too. Harpoon on the wall. We are all living here. For now, yes. Wow, Mavik Felderz. A big shout out.

Thank you so much in Colorado. And from Denver to another place in Colorado, Highlands Ranch. Oh, love that. Ranch or relaxer. I would like to thank Nick Llewed. Oh, Louette. Nick. Nick Lueud.

Nick Lueyd. Nick Lueydie. All right. Louie. Let me kick this off. I'll go middle. That's where I love to. I'm the middle spoon.

Okay, I'll try and bring it home. When we all snagged. Okay, so Nick Luad. Okay, just blanking the mind. I'm just letting people imagine us. Just saying, blanking it out. Light as a feather, stiffs the board. Lighters, stiffers, a board, light as a feather, stiffs a board.

Lighters of feathers, stiffs of board. Craft. Foam. Heights. Oh, yeah, okay. That sounds good. That's pretty good. Chuck a dot demon after that.

You're cooking with gas. Now you're sailing. Oh, Nicola Weird. Appreciate your support. Wish you all the best with the new country. Yeah. Congrats everyone. May you're laundering be more successful than everyone in our story today.

Hopefully, yeah. Just look after your people, all right? Just know that they look up to you. Be there for them. Yep. Yeah. Let them have free salt if they need it. Yes.

Every country needs free salt. Long live. Turk and Bashi. So thank you so much to everyone that supports the show on Patreon. So get involved if you want to at patreon.com slash do go on pot. Chuck in a little bit of Australian coins or Sealand notes, whatever the currency was. Yeah, I don't know what the currency was called. You know what?

In America they're called dollars. Oh. What? US dollars. That's fun. Are you saying that right? I like that. That's fun.

I reckon the UK's got, there's good, pound. Pound. That is fun. Pound. Pound sterling. I mean, dong is pretty good. Dong is great. Yeah. Yeah.

We love a dong. I love a mousy dong. I love a, you know, I love any sort of dong. Dog. Big don't small dong. Yeah. Do go dong. And that really does bring us to the end of this episode.

Absolutely. And if you want to get in contact with us, we should probably let you know that you can do that at any time. all the links are in the description of this episode or also at do go onpod.com. We have a Facebook and Instagram, a Twitter account where we post pretty much every single day and it's at do go on pod on those platforms. We've got a YouTube account where you can see us performing live shows if you can never make it to one and also all the other back catalogue of episodes and that's at YouTube.com slash do go on pod.

And yeah, like us on the social media's if you haven't. We have way less likes than listeners. And I don't know why that is. Yeah. Surely you're all on Instagram, right? Right? Yeah. If you're not, what are you doing?

What are you doing? I just meant grow up, all right? Grow up. Read a book. Read a book. Sign up to Instagram. Okay. If you don't have an Instagram, sign up, and just like us.

That's fine. Yes. That'll be enough to make your life 10% better. We've got at least four pages for you to follow. The three of us and do go on. Oh, my God. Get on it. And while you're there,

want to vote for me to be the gourmet pie guy, and I'll spend the money making us the lords, dames and barons of Sealand. And then going on a trip by yourself. Yeah, to eat a pie. At a place I've never eaten a pie. It feels... Wait, wait. Do we still get a pie?

Yeah, you get a pie as well. A pie and a ladyship. Yes. Okay. That's how I'll announce it to you. And also tickets to fly with you to these countries. I'll see what I can do. Yay!

Yay! And yeah, go to dogoonpod slash shows. Dogoonpod.com. Dot com slash shows. Not dot demon. I'm so sorry. I haven't got it yet. Disappointing.

And you can find out about any live... You might be listening to this in a year's time. And any new shows will be on that site. And upcoming shows I'm doing with Jess. You can find out details about them at Matt Stewartcomedy.com slash gigs. And it'd be real nice to see you at all, any and all of these things. Good night. All right. Well, I think we've probably should go on that note.

So thanks for listening. We'll be back next week with another episode. We are crawling closer to 200. Can you believe we've done this nearly 200 times? No. I really can't. Okay. Good night. Well, I mean, my sign off is just goodbye. There it is. Thank you and goodbye. Later.

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