Do Go On - 2 - Australian Rules Football

Episode Date: November 11, 2015

Matt Stewart's first report is all about the fascinating story of how the most fair dinkum Aussie game on Earth (AFL) came about in the 1850s. Hear how the game developed over 150 years through the highs, the lows and the Shinboners.Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] the show and get rewards like bonus episodes:www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPod  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serengy Amarna 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there. Canada, we are visiting you in September this year.

If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. Welcome to Do Go On. That's right, the comedy podcast, the show where we find something interesting and talk about it, and hopefully we'll make it interesting enough for you not to turn off the show. That's the plan.

My name is Dave Warnackie, and I'm sitting here with my chum, my co-host, my co-host to the stars, Matt Stewart. Hey, Dave, how's it going? This is a comedy podcast, is it? When did that happen? Well, when did that? Well, it starts now. From now, right, can you tell us a great joke? Oh, geez.

That's a little bit of pressure. Could I maybe throw it across to my co-host, my cohort, my chum, Jess Perkins? Oh, hello, Matthew. Hello, David. Hello, Jess Perkins. That's right. You are here to spark them up. How are you going?

I'm very well. I'm very well. I'm feeling like now I need to be really energetic. And sometimes I'm worried that my voice goes a bit so I have to be very careful of that. You've also got to be comedy, apparently. This is a comedy podcast. That's right. Well, Matt and I are the boring people that like trivia a lot.

Okay. I really wish you had have told me then beforehand that I'm here for the comedy and the vigor. You are the comedic relief. Okay. All right. Well, who. Hey, should we get started with today's topic? Yes.

And it's up to you to introduce that topic, Matt, because it is your turn. You've researched something. You've prepared a report. And Jess and I have no idea what you're about to talk about. Well, how we like to do it is. kicking it off with a question. Because it's a pretty, it's a trivia sort of inspired podcast. Yeah, well, and I have battled for a question here, and this is not a good one, but,

and like, super misleading. But let's give it a go now. What would you say is Australia's greatest invention? Australia's greatest invention. Hillshoest. Oh, damn, I was going to say hills hoist. Vegemite? Oh, good one.

Actually, I'm not even into Veggimate, but I know a lot of... Oh, hi-foges. That's why you're here? Yeah. To back up all of my... opinion. And do you get abused for that all the time? If you're like, I'm not that big on Vegemine. People are like, what do you mean? You're not Australian then.

The one that I get abused about is I don't drink coffee. People get in there and they want to beat the shit out of you for that. No, no. Both big flavors. Maybe that's, maybe you know a big flavor guy. Yeah. I think the younger you are, right? I'm more of a dull bread, man. There's something about...

Dull bread, but loud shirts, so... That's right. That's true. There's something about, like, as you get older, your taste buds die and you need grosser foods, I reckon. Need them. Just to make yourself taste anything. I need a taste.

I just need a taste. Oh, I bet you might. They used to be gross, but I love it now. Now I can feel alive. Feel something. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. All right, so here's another invention.

My dad tells me every time I get into an airplane is the evacuation slide. You know, the event that people jumped out. It's an Australian adventure. I think so is the black box. Spray on skin for burn victims. Oh, Australian woman invented that. No, this was invented in 1850. 18, okay.

1858. Probably wasn't the NBN. No, probably wasn't. Probably wasn't the NBA either, because that's American. You're getting warmer there, though. Oh. Cricket? No.

Australian invention. AFL? Yes. Oh, my good. Australian rules football. Is that what we're talking about? That's what we're talking about. And you think that's a better invention than the Hill's Hoist and Benjamin?

Well, that's such a poor question. Oh, maybe. It's right. It's always a question that has. There's no factual answer. I think it's a pretty great game. I have no, and this is something I was thinking about, I have no idea of either of you know anything or have any interest at all in Australian

football. Do you? Ah, no. Look, I've got a team. Yeah, I've got a team. Who are your teams? Collingwood. Okay.

Collingwood, which is, if you're not an Australian person, that's a pretty controversial. It's a very popular team, but that's the, basically the team that everyone else dislikes. It's like the man you. man-united version oh god, talking well at the EPL Colling would be

the man united what would be the American version of it New York Yankees maybe yeah maybe a very popular team I'm not sure of everyone else I think people always talk about They just love to hate them

Pittsburgh I've heard people say that I don't know what that means Now give me the example of the Indian Premier League cricket Oh the Chennai Super Kings Everyone hates those Oh my goodness

I can't believe you had an answer with that Oh, that's right. It's them or the Mumbai Royals, my goodness. My goodness. I know a lot about sports. No, cricket's probably one of my favorites. They're the,

they are the Leighton Hewitts. Yeah. More like the Pete Sampres. Yeah. I think, oh, my team is, see if you've got any sort of other examples. You're from the Afforn East. I reckon you're definitely a Hawthor Man.

Hawthor Man. No, I live in Hawthor now, in a house that I rent. So, shittiest house on the, most expensive street. That's what they say. That's the one to buy. That's the one. That's the one.

That's the one. The one to rent. Yeah. We rented every week for 40 years. We'll own it at the end, won't we? If Lee Matthews... Well, that was... Anyway, he used to be on an ad or rent money is dead money.

And he's talking about renting to buy us. Anyway, he's the greatest ever AFL player. What? Is that what you think? No, that's what the... He was the player of the century. Lee Matthews. He was the...

Leigh-Lee. as a coach. Yeah. I only know him as a mortgage sales. That's finally something I can relate to. No, I go for the, and I chose this as a child,

the Western Bulldogs. Wow, great team. Bulldogs. Great team. Why did you choose them? Well, everyone else in my family is Richmond supporters, and I wanted to be a bit different. My sister was big into football as a child,

not anymore, just in the primary school years. And I think the bulldog, in my head, I thought that a bulldog could beat a tiger. because you know cats versus dogs But a tiger would I think destroy any sort of dog Biggest cat in the world

Absolutely Yeah Not even just dogs I think it could take most animals The only one that could beat it I reckon is the Essendon bombers Because you've got Oh yeah good one

What about the demons Oh yeah there you go They're like superhuman What about a possessed What about a possessed What about a possessed? Superhuman demons What about a possessed

He's cracked himself up Good one, Matt. Just leave the Jaxter Perkins, alright? See, you did say it was a comedy podcast. I didn't believe you until then. Until right there. Now I'm on board. I went with the Western Bulldogs, and they've never been good in my lifetime until this year they're doing..., that's not true.

They've played in multiple preliminary finals in your lifetime. So you're a cent kilda fan. I'm a St Kilda Man, who is the most loserish team of the competition. Do they get the wooden spoon this year? They've had the most wooden spoons by a long way. No, they're not currently the worst, but they are long time the worst. Oh, overall. They've won nearly 30 wooden spoons.

In what, 150 years? No, well, the comp hasn't been around that long. The game itself has been around that long. Oh, wow. Oh, so one third of the time, if it's 100 years every third year. Yeah, basically. So why do you pick them? I grew up in Morabin where they used to play.

It was a family thing. I was actually, I was born a Carlton supporter. And because that was my mum's side of the family, moved to Marabin and my uncle John said, Matt, can I have you for a minute? And he brought me into the front lounge room of my parents' house. He sat you down. He sat me down and said,

gave you talking to it. Matt, you go for the Saints now. And I said, okay, John. And that was, yeah, and I've been a member of the, like, I pay $300 a year to be a member of that team. Oh, my goodness. So, yeah, it was ever... Was he very intimidating, convincing man? He had, he had a strong mustache.

Yeah, well, he can't say that. It was not one of them weak sort of pencil ones. Like a real, like 70s policeman mustache. And then, since then, has he led you astray in any other respect? No, never, never, never did me wrong. Matt, you're not. love avocados now. Yes, John.

Yes, I do. Now, that was Hamish from the bakery at Safeway who got me into avocados. But anyway... Shout out to Hamish. Should we... I have written somewhat of a report here, and we haven't even got into it at all. Well, Matt, I'm going to ask you to do go on. Name of the show, everyone.

Well, all right. It's a game show. What sort of show is? Is it a comedy? Is it a game show? Oh, it's... Do go on. We're all confused here.

Come on down. Dave's only got two speeds. Zero and baby John Burgess. Exactly. That's all I got. Is that too old of a reference? Hey, Tony Barber? Glenn Ridge.

Who's the guy on one of the shows? I got the Burgess reference. Family feud guy. Grant Dania. What about, no. The most insane person on television is Andrew O'Keefe. Oh, yeah. That guy is insane.

And my hero, by default. All right. Zero to Andrew O'Keefe. We'll go with that. So I want to just paint a picture, right? This is just because in my head, I'm like 1858 the game was invented. I just have no real concept of what that means. So I looked up on the internet.

Sure. Some things around the world that happened in 1858. The advertiser started that year, the Adelaide advertiser, newspaper. Great. Definitely something for our international list is there. Well, good. If you like that. Because you said around the world.

Well, let me do. All right. Oh, my goodness. You know that benchmark is like? You guys familiar with the wedding march? Yeah. That's the song. That became popular that year because it was played at the marriage of Queen Victoria's daughter, Victoria, to the Prince Frederick of Prussia.

How does a wedding march go? Prussia. So Germany didn't exist yet. Oh, that's how old this is. I just had mad deja vu. I'm sorry, kick-going. Yeah, you're back. I feel like I've been here before.

Well, Germany. Yeah, you have. You were here the other week. Oh, yeah. I think Germany is about 60 years away. It's just before the First World War that Germany gets together. Yeah. We should do a Germany episode one time.

Yep. And I looked up the pronunciation. Are you guys familiar with the Lourd or Lords or Lourdes apparitions? There's a Christian thing where a young French girl in the town of L-O-U-R-D-E-S. I'm pretty sure the S is silent in French, but... The way we would bastardize, it would be lureds, I'd say. But anyway, I learned about this in primary school. This young peasant girl, Bernadette, saw the mother, Mary in the sky.

People still go, I've been there, I went there a few years ago, people still go there to get the holy water to cure cancer and stuff. Obviously, I were to bullshit, but that's still... Obviously not, because you survived. That's true. You're back. I'm back. That's true. I did have a pretty bad hangover, cleared right up than I'd try.

I just drank a gallon of that stuff. The city of Denver, Colorado was founded. 1858. And finally, this one, this is a nice one. Rudolph Diesel, the inventor of the diesel engine, was born. He was born? Yeah. My goodness.

I always thought diesel was just a kind of petrol. I didn't know it was a kind of human inventor of an engine that need, anyway. Well, I think it is a type of petrol. It was just named after that guy. Yeah. Yeah, but... Rudolph diesel. Anyway, I thought...

Cool. Hey, does that mean... Is there a guy called Gary Petroleum? Yeah, from Denver, Colorado. Also born in 1858. Great, okay. Well, that makes sense. Now it all connects up in my mind.

So anyway, the man who invented the game is seen as the godfather of Australian Alls for Balls and a man named Tom Will's, right? There's an Australian-born man. This is before Victoria. Victoria existed as well. Anyway. So the state of Victoria.

The state of Victoria, yeah. So Tom Wills, he was born into a wealthy family of convict descent, and he was a really talented cricketer. At age of 14, he went over to England to study and play cricket. He tore it up over there, as seen as one of the best cricketers in England, and he studied at the rugby school, which apparently is where rugby was invented. to make sense.

But he was playing cricket. But he was playing cricket. At the rugby school. Yeah, well, the rugby didn't really exist yet. So back in this time, there was no standardised code of football anywhere in the world. So there were all these, every school sort of had these loose rules and they're all kind of similar, but they sort of, you know, started to morph in different directions. And the rugby one ended up being what became rugby union and rugby league.

So this school was like, hey, everyone, just jump on each other. Yeah, we got it. But so he came back to Australia a few years later in 1856, so obviously that was going a few years before, where he captained the Victorian cricket team, the Melbourne Cricket Club. And then in 1856, he had the idea to start a football league for Victorian cricketers to stay fit through the winter.

Oh, right, because cricket's a summer. Yeah. Summer sport, yeah. So because there were no set of rules, he drew up a set of rules in 1958 based on all these different sorry 1858 I have a real

trouble with only being able to remember one century of numbers okay 18 actually I've written 1950 yeah that's probably why so he's written up his own rules so yeah with the committee of four he wrote up his own rules

based on a range of different codes that he saw in his time in England right on And then later that year in 1858, he founded the Melbourne Football Club, which is The Demons. So they are the oldest club. They're the oldest club in Australian Rules Football, but they're actually one of the oldest football clubs of any kind in the world. Hold on. I've got to pull you up here.

They're the oldest club of all, and they could have picked any mascot. So everything's up for grabs. You could have anything you like. There's tigers, there's lions, there's every single bird. There's snakes, dinosaurs, UFOs, absolutely anything you like. Yeah. Except for things that haven't been invented to get cars and stuff. And they went with, oh, yeah, Melbourne demons?

In a very skeptical time. They were not called the demons until much, much later. In the past, they were called the red legs based on their red socks. Oh, great. That's an even better mascot. I wonder why that comes that name. Which I don't mind. Little red legs.

But they were initially known as the fuchsias. Fuchsia. Fusias, yeah. The Melbourne fuchsies. Oh. Well, that sounds tough, doesn't it? It's kind of pretty. It's a very pretty name.

It sounds more like a netball team. So yeah, it's quite a... So when you, in that context... It's a little sexist of me, isn't it? That's fine. Fuchs's, red legs. Maybe Demons isn't so bad. Oh, suddenly it's sounding a lot better.

Yeah. I mean, yeah. Because traditionally football teams go for a tough mascot. Tough, yeah. Or something... Something native to the state. Yeah. It's weird that there's no Melbourne kangaroo or wombat in the league or anything.

There is a kangaroo. Oh, damn it. Sorry, Dave. I always thought magpies wasn't particularly intimidating. Like, yeah, they swoop at you, but, you know, that's not a scary animal. So they got that name because there was a big magpie population around their home ground at the time, apparently. And they were already, I think, already wearing black and white. So it's kind of made sense.

Yeah, that's what I believe, you know, sure. And now I also believe, because you told me that I believe everything you said. So, yeah, so you said one of the oldest teams, they're obviously the oldest, Aussie rules team, but they're also one of the oldest football teams of any code in the world. I think they're something like the 12th oldest. The oldest being Guy's Hospital, rugby union team. Are they from that rugby school? No, they're from Guy's Hospital.

What the heck is that? Where's that? It's in a hospital in England. And they've now merged with the Kings and St Thomas Rugby Football Club. So they're now called the Guys' Hospital. Kings and St Thomas Rugby Football Club. That's a bit much. That is a bit...

No wonder we've never heard of that. Yeah, that's a mouthful. The other ones are kind of boring. There's some, like, some soccer teams as well, but mainly the oldest ones are all rugby union teams. Yeah, anyway, that's an interesting point. Well, there you go. Jolong Football Club was formed the year after the cats.

Oh, okay, right. Who were originally called the Pivotonians. What? The Jolong Pivotonians. The Pivotonians. So it was the Red Legs versus the Pivotonians. The Fusias. Fusius versus Pivotonians, and every week they'd just play each other.

I mean, the first week, it's great because Melbourne have got both the grandfinal championship and the wooden spoon at the same time. Well, interestingly, I mean, the rules were still super loose. At this stage, you didn't kick goals. You still ran goals over the line. Right on. There was no limit to the amount of players you could have on a team. No limit.

So you could get 50 mates down. Exactly. And I don't think there was a limit to the time a game would go. It was just, I think it was first to two goals. So it could go for a long time. Yeah, especially if you've got a hundred people in front of the goal, just blocking you. And at the time, obviously, people from overseas always laugh at the AFL red Sharon, the way that it shaped the football. Was it shaped that way from the beginning?

Yeah, so it started off as just a pig's bladder. I think that's what it was. So, yeah, it was just a blown-up bladder. Nice. I think that's partially why it came to that weird shape. It's probably why their socks were so red. I think that's right. Life animals.

That's not something I read recently. That's something that's going from the back of my head, so that might be right. I trust you. I want that stricken from the record. It's there. Stuck in my head. In the following years, in the 60s, the Coulton Football Club was formed. The North Melbourne Football Club was formed.

Who are the kangaroos? Damn it. I'm so embarrassed that I've. So there was no kangaroos. In the 70s, the S&N, St. Kildon and South Melbourne football clubs were formed. And in the 1870s, also team uniforms were introduced. Oh, so before that... Before that, they just each team wore a coloured hat.

And colored socks. They used to wear long leather boots and like a tied-up canvas. Like, they pretty much wore formal attire. And a hat of a... I say good day. Well, there's like 300 people on each team. Most of them are just hanging out at the bar. And they're throwing a bladder to someone with the same coloured hat as they have.

And there wasn't a boundary, so stadiums weren't enclosed. So the crowds would often just sort of be on a little bit on the field as well. It'd be very confusing game to watch. As if it's not confusing enough now if you haven't seen it before. One thing that really set it apart from all the other footy codes was there's no off-side rules. So soccer and rugby and that sort of thing, players can't be in front. of the ball, you know, so you, but in Australian rules you can have players at either end of the ground at any time. I mean, I think that was probably just because there were so many people,

so you couldn't all fit behind the ball. And at this time, so you're running it across the line, but are still people trying to kick it around? You could, you, at that stage, I think, you could, you could run only as far as you needed to kick it. It wasn't until later that they brought in running and the bouncing rule. Yeah, so we'll keep you. pushing on. The VFA, which is now called the VFL, it's quite confusing, but the VFA

was formed in 1877 when Albert Park, Carlton, East Melbourne, Esson and Geelong, Hotham, Melbourne, and St. Kilda Football Clubs met and grouped together. A week earlier than that, the South Australian Football Association was formed. So the South

Australian League is... Is the actual oldest... Yeah, older than the Victorian League. Well, no wonder we started with Adelaide. the tough of the show. It's obviously a very important thing. Yeah, totally designed that way. God, he's good.

So that was the big league. That is now known as the VFL, confusingly, because 19 years after the VFA was formed in 1896, the VFL was established, which is now called the AFL. Right, so that was the Victorian Football League. That's right. And that was when the six strongest clubs in the VFA basically broke away,

and that was Collingwood Essendon, Fitzroy, Geelong, Melbourne and South Melbourne. And they also brought along a couple of shittier teams, St Kilda and Carlton. Right. St Kilda, apparently, I was being told recently, we were kind of lucky to get in. It was meant to be, well, Port Melbourne, who's still in the VFL,

I think it should have been them, and they're still bitter about it, like 115 years later, whatever it is. They're still bitter, even though there's been generations of players that have opportunities to go to the best sides. Yeah, exactly. That's interesting. So that year, Essendon won the first premiership,

and there wasn't a final series. Was it just who's got the most points at the end? It was just to whoever's on top of the end of the season. But from then on, basically, apart from a couple of years, it was finals decided the premiere. Look, I'm giving a lot of dull information. No, it's totally fine. Do you want to make a joke, Jess?

Sports. Yeah. Got him. What about, was there? So to just start with this, there. about eight teams? Yeah, eight teams initially, yep. And now we're up to, do you know how many we're up to now?

18. 18, yeah. But I belong to where I host my pub trivia, where a lot of this interest in facts come from. At the Eroyston and a pub in Richmond, they have a footy-tipping competition every year. If you pick nine, right, so there's nine games in an average round,

and if you select nine out of nine and get it right, then you'll get a free meal on the, pub that week. Oh. That's a good deal. But if it was, if there was only eight, no, but I'm saying if there was only eight teams, so that's only four games that I'd be getting a free meal every week. Yeah.

Especially if some of the teams suck and that you said Carlton, Sikilda has been brought along. St. Kilda sucked real bad earlier. Oh man, imagine that I would get a free Palmer every week. All you need to do is time travel. Time travel back to a time before the pub even existed. And before Palmers existed. Before anything existed.

All that existed was people running around in long leather. Yeah Totally Well, it's time to be alive I imagine it would have been a great time Just And just such a, like people What I love about it

So Essonon You know how they They've won the most premierships That won in 1897 counts In the 16 premiseships That they brag about It's like It's so funny that it's like

A matter of pride That like people who The game barely Resembled anything like What they play now It's not even the same game Yeah We're the best.

So you've won all the premierships. A lot of them were before your grandparents were born. But anyway. So in the 1880s, this is during the VFA days, they restricted the numbers from unlimited down to... Of what? Down at 20 per team. 20 per team.

So the coach, I imagine that week, the coach just called all 300 people in it and said, The following people are cut, and it took three hours. Three out all the nose. So it just whittles down. until there's 20 people sitting, they're going, yes! I made the squad! And then once they finally get to that, they're like, oh, I should have just read out the ones who did get in.

Yeah, that would have been a lot. Statistically, this would have made sense. Anyway, that was satisfying. I like letting people down. And there's also people that still claim, yep, my granddad, my great-great-granddad used to play for Essendon, back when there was 700 people like a week. Got football in my blood.

And then in 1899, the VFL, so a couple of seats. in they reduced it to the current 18 players per side on the field. So even two more got cut. Brutal. Yeah. You've survived. You've beaten 600 of your mates, but you're not good enough to beat. That's it.

If you're one of 600, the kids cut, you'd be like, nah, it's all right. 600 of a Scott cut. If there's like 20 and only two of you are going, you're like, oh. You just played two seasons with all of them, and they're like, no, man, you're not in the top 20 years. And you're looking at like... They've changed the rules just to get you out. Yeah, that's right. This Matt Stewart bloke, he is bloody.

No, but we said he's in the 20. What we could do? Let's just change the rules. Get 18 in. Here's an interesting fact and record that still stands. In 1899, the Saints scored what remains the lowest score in the league's history. One point. Wow.

One point for the whole game. And that was against the Geelong Pivotonians who scored 162. Oh, brutal. You know what, I'd like to imagine that one point was an accident as well. Geelong and they're like Oh, who went Ah, whoops

Yeah, And they like Tapped it Yeah, yeah Yeah, right It still wasn't even a goal 162 to 1 Is that awesome

The Saints sucked Real bad Is that still a matter Of pride for you guys? Yeah, We do have a lot of records The same And they're all

About being the worst At everything Yeah, yep So we've So the competition's been going What's your math like? That's 116 years

And Or even a little bit longer than I think. Since 1899. 1897. Oh, but I thought you meant the VFL. Yeah, the VFL is 899. Please, if you're not going to pay attention.

118 years, by the means, and the Saints of won one premiership in that time. When was that? 1960s. By one point. You've won one out of 118. Yeah. If they win one in your lifetime, is that going to be a very emotional day here?

I could not, isn't it, Barry for the Bulldogs, I could not name you one player this year. I don't think I could either. We used to have Cooney, who won the round-low, but he's gone. Who would be the Bulldogs player that people would know? Bons. Bontan Pelly. Is that a name? He should be your main man.

Is his first name Bontan? No. I was going to say, I'm sure. Mark is Bontan Pelly. Oh. What's, is that, is it a double-barrel surname or? No, it's just a, uh, just a single barrel. Just a one barrel, thank you.

Bonton Pelly is one word. Yeah, it's a great. No, I'm I can. And they call him Bontz. Bons, I like that. Yeah. Me and Bons. But he's a gun.

He'll be like, you'll definitely will have heard of him over the next few years if you haven't. Already, which you haven't, because you just sold me so. I know. Well, let's keep moving, because we've got over 100 years to cover still. Well, to be fair, we've just covered 50. That's pretty good. I do skip over a big chunk soon.

In 1908, the VFL bring in a couple of new teams, the Richmond Football Club and the University Blues Football Club. Oh, University. Not to be confused with a puberty blues The Richmond Football Club You would know are still going strong The University Blues I don't know

Do you have any knowledge of them? University Blues? No, I just know it's the Carlton Blues now Yeah, so the University Blues were a team made up of Melbourne University students Manly depressed They were nicknamed

Not having a good time They might not actually I say university blues. I think that's what they're now known as in the VAA. I'm just writing out things from memory. That might be wrong. They were called the University Football Club, and their nickname was the Students.

Oh. Go the students. Oh, that's lame. It's really lame, isn't it? So lame. They weren't too successful. I'm not surprised because everyone else is, like, men, and they're just, like, 19 years old.

They're boys. Yeah, everyone, I mean, everyone's under 22, because after that, you finish uni and you're out. They never finished higher than. sixth on the ladder in a 10 team comp. I was going to say these days that's pretty good, but out of 10's not so good. And they weren't too successful,

and one of the main reasons for that was that the players were more focused on their education, especially around exam time. How dare them? My goodness, to play a game, and I imagine it at this time, it's not a professional game where you're being paid to play. So, come on students.

This stupid game that someone's invented not that long ago. Yeah. Well, I would have played for my uni, and I would have done a half-ass job, and also not done my uni work. I had no excuse. Yeah. I was doing nothing of everything. But they only lasted in the competition until 1914, losing their final 51 matches. Oh.

That's a cold streak. This is terrible, but did they lose because all of them had to go off to fight the First World War? No. That's not... No, they were just really studying hard. All right. I just thought they looked around the union and went, oh, we've just drafted them all. That was an issue. That's an issue that we're about to come to.

So that left it to just nine teams. Here's the thing that I want to point out, only because I'm a bit of saint supporter. There was a final series, a system called the Argus system for many of the early, about the first 30 years or something like that, different versions of the Argus system,

which meant that the team who finished on top of the ladder at the end of the a normal home and away season, they got the chance to challenge the team who won the grand final. So the Saints won the grand final in 1913, but Fitzroy finished on top. So they got to challenge the Saints to a second grand final

and the Saints lost that second grand final. What? And this happened for 30 years. So I imagine every year they would challenge because you got nothing to lose unless you are the top team and you win the team. Yeah, exactly. They definitely did. So it was basically just giving the...

the top team a double chance but if that happened now the Saints under the current system the Saints would have had two bloody premiership That sounds like

one of those lame things that a game show does to try and Okay Maddie Do you reckon it sounds like one of those lame things that a game show does to try and spice things up a bit

like oh well no one's watching the show anymore so now you've won all the money but you can risk it and play our old champion Yeah Anyway I just wanted to just touch on that I know over it. I didn't know about it to be honest.

It's like, oh, what? It outraged you though. Did you know about it before reading, before reading this, researching this? No, I wasn't aware of that at all. I don't think that's a super well-known fact. Well, let's get it out there. Come on, guys. Hit the streets, get your sandwich banner made.

Okay, so in 1916, due to the First World War, Essendon, St. Kilda, Melbourne, Jolong and South Melbourne all dropped out of the competition to allow their players to fight in the war. leaving only the unpatriotic and cowardly teams of Collingwood, Carlton, Richmond and Fitzroy to play out the system. Oh, they were like... They were like, guys, now we'll tell them we're going. We'll tell them.

And then they all go, they're like, oh, there's only three teams left, top three. We did it. Like, at that time, you know, it was seen as being... It totally was being seen, like fit footballers, not going over to war was seen as a real... All in their 20s, yeah. And it was a real divisive issue. And there were people were sort of campaigning to make returned soldiers have stars next to their name in the guy. Oh, so that you wouldn't judge him.

You wouldn't do those ones. So you could be like, basically going, the guys without the stars, I reckon is. Yeah, you're going. Oh, that's centre. Coward. He hasn't voted anyone. But so because it was a four, only four teams left, and it was a final four, there was a bit of a quirk. that Fitzroy won the wooden spoon and still got to play finals.

Oh. And not only that, they won the Premiership. So they were the bottom team for the league and then they won the Premiership? They won both the Wooden Spoon and the Premiership in the same season. They lost the community's respect. Yeah. I'd make that exact same choice knowing what the First World War was like. Oh, totally.

Yeah, no, thank you. Any excuse. I'm here. I'm entertaining the people. I'm keeping the spirit high or whatever. The Elvis Presley of 1916. I'd take the white feathers. Did you learn about that at school?

The white feathers. Oh, yes. Yeah, so if you saw a young fit guy in the street, there was a team of women who would go in. Young, attractive girls. They'd leave them in their letterboxes and stuff. Yeah. Give you a white feather to try and embarrass you into serving in the army.

Yeah. Bitches be crying. Well, the joke's on them, because I'd made my white feathers into a beautiful hat. Wearing with pride. quietly in my own lounge room with the curtains closed. Also, 1916, that would have been the only time

I imagined that I could have made the football team because there's no one else around. I'd be like, no, isn't it still going? I'm the captain. All right, guys, I'm the captain now. Grandpa, can I play, please? Come on. Let us have a go.

Oh, can't. It's me versus the whole team. Still score more points than St Kilda in that time. Oh, it's true. It's true. It's true. It took the Saints, I think it was like four or five seasons to win their first.

game. It was weird. It was, yeah, real bad. And there's all these other teams that are getting fired for being terrible, but they still keep scraping through. We started winning when the university came in. I think we started, we were now the second worst team. You could beat the children. That's right. Let's beat those amateurs.

Let's skip past the war. I think we've had enough. Okay, yeah, enough war chat. Those teams started coming back into the league. I don't want to disappoint you, Matt. I don't want to disappoint you, Matt. But after this war, it seems like it's going to be okay. but then there's another big war coming up.

Spoiler alert. Sorry, mate. That sucks. All right. Well, anyway. Anyway, so we're after the First World War. It'd be a friendly war, though, right? Oh, dear.

Oh, dear. So a few years later, the 1925 season, the VFL were keen to bring in a 10th team to sort of level the numbers up against. Because everyone's, I suppose, people are having a buy every week. And this is the roaring 20s, after all. And this is something I'd only learned yesterday. they were strongly considering a public service football club

to be the 10th team in the league. Made up only of federal and state public service. Imagine that! Imagine that did that now! It would be so, so great. So good. Oh my goodness. Joe hockey's out there giving me a peps talk.

Guys, if you win this, we'll win the respect. And I can put an even more corrupt budget through. Yeah. But obviously that didn't quite happen in the end. And instead they... And it was quite a big drawn-out thing with the VFA, but they eventually brought in three teams from the VFA. And they were your boys.

Oh, so the VFA was still going on. VFA was going, yeah, underneath. They were like more of an amateur league, and the league were getting paid a little players. Were they a bit annoyed that the politicians were considered before them, even though they're actually playing the game? Yeah, well, Footscray, apparently, they were the dominant team in the VFA.

at that time. Big fish, little pond. Yep. And then they, well, they, of the three teams that came across, they ended up boosting the league up to 12 teams, they brought in Footscray. Yep. The Western Bulldogs now.

Hawthorne, who were like the dominant team of today, and North Melbourne kangaroos. And Hawthorne and North Melbourne took ages to get any real wins on the board. But the Bulldogs did pretty well almost straight away. Well. I'll take credit for that Yeah, that's been flipped on its head long term because the Bulldogs, with the Saints,

have both only won the one Premiership. When was that for the Bulldogs? 54. 1954. What a great year that was. Great year. Great year. Good memories.

Good memories. I like this little factory. In 1927, the South Australian Football League renamed itself the South Australian National Football League And as far as I'm aware, there weren't then, and there never have been any teams from outside South Australia in the South Australian National Football League. Big city dreams.

Probably more of an aspirational mate of my guess. The South Australian International, Intergalactic. Football league. It is kind of similar to Miss Universe or something. Or the World Series in baseball. It's like, yeah, you mean only for these few American teams. That's right. In 1930, Collingwood, your boys,

became the first and only team still to this day to win four straight premierships. Oh. So that was the 30s. Yeah. So again, they're a team who's won, like, the third most amount of premierships, and like a lot of them were done early on. Yeah, we're very early. In 1934, Bob Pratt kicked 150 goals in the season.

He was the South Melbourne player. Still, that's still the record. That's still the record. It was matched much. later by a guy called Peter Hudson and but he did it with like he did it in 10 more games he did it including all the finals and a longer season so how so Bob Pratt I think he did it in he averaged I should know the fact there but he did it in very few games it was like something that is will never be repeated ever again and he's not on an Australian bank note

what a travesty the the leading goal kicker this year and um in 2015 was a guy who kicked 75 goals and that was in more games. Wow. Yeah. And who was that? Do you know who the 75 was? His name's Josh Kennedy for the Eagles, I think.

75. Yeah. Pretty good, but, you know, pretty good, I guess. Absolutely. Hang on. There's another war broke out. Oh, no. What?

In 1942, Geelong doesn't compete due to World War II restrictions. That were the only. team who dropped out then. And payments to players because of, you know, rationing. Rationing were limited to $3 per match. $3 a match.

What were they getting before that? More than that. I play basketball and I have to pay $3 to get into the stadium every week. Yeah, that feels crazy. Yeah, that's what they're getting paid. I spend more than that on coffee. Anyway. $3.

$3. But this is $1942, so I imagine that inflation, that is. It's, well, yeah, I wonder how much it would be by today's day. To be honest, in 1940s, they're probably getting paid in pounds still. Yeah, so, yeah, that's probably, I may have grabbed that. No, that fact was straight off the AFL's website, so. Oh, it's probably adjusted to Australian dollars for the time. The finals at that time were moved to Princess Park,

just up the road from us here in Carlton, because the MCG was used by the defense forces. Oh, right, so the training jets on there or something. Oh, wow. Right. It was maybe, no, that's probably not true, but they were using it for some. Jets.

Just camping out or whatever. No, that's the Jets. And the Jets. Gather Jets. In 1943, Jolong again did not participate. And the bottom team midway through the season, round 11, was knocked out of the, just told her don't worry about it anymore.

And that team... I imagine, don't bother. Wasn't Sinkilda? Oh, yay. Hey. Hey. Look, guys, don't worry about coming next week. But if we could just grab your guys and maybe go, make some bullets or something.

Yeah, no, no, it's like, well, you know you're not playing football. You could probably get over to the Western Front. How about that? Toodles. There we go. All right, all right, yeah. Here's a gun. You know, during the war, you know, the Saints' colours.

Sorry, there's a bit saint-centric. Oh, that's fun. What's a black, white and red? Black, white, and red. Or red and black? During the war was, I think this might have been the first war, actually, was the same colour as the German flag, the German colours. So they changed their colours to black, yellow and red to match the Belgian ally colours.

Uh-huh, very good. Funnily enough, like Germany's colours are now black, yellow and red. And I think that is... They copied the saints, though. I think that, absolutely. I think that's what happened. Big influence in Germany, the Saints. They're like, nah, if you're like, oh, yeah, if you're going to change your cars, we'll just change them back, so we'll just copy you.

Yeah, right. That could have been true. Anyway, let's move on from the war. Oh, there's probably more wars, but the later wars seem to affect the football less for some reason. Well, that's because those were the two biggest wars in history. And when did they get rid of conscription as well? Yeah, that's right. In Vietnam, they had a lottery.

Did they? That you did not want to win. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I think my old man just missed it. Yeah, they bred out birthdays. Oh, yeah, you're right.

Yeah. It's been, on the radio on you. I've never met anybody else with my birthday, too. So that would just be, at least if I got called up, I could be like, ah, you too. Cool. August the 23rd. Oh, so close. 26th.

26. And Dave's two days later. August the 28th. same year. Yes. We're birthday buddies. Send your presents to... That's right.

Care of. Care of, Matt Stewart. We'll get so successful to set up a P.O. Box for all the gifts we're going to be getting. That's right. Send in your old German flags. Here's a couple more boring facts. Oh, thanks for prefacing it.

1970 was a big year for boring facts. Waverly Park hosted its first match where Geelong defeated Fitzroy. Waverly Park, that was... They wanted, the AFL, or sorry, the VFL wanted to break their reliance on the MCG. So they decided in the 1950s to build their own super stadium. And they bought a big chunk of farmland in Waverly, anywhere. Probably pretty close to you in Waverly. And they, it's up the road.

They originally planned a 155,000 seat stadium. Sorry, what? That's like when a crazy dictator says, I'm building the biggest stadium in the world. Yeah, Kim Jong-il was involved. That's right. One of the, Kim Il's son, his dad, to come on out. And that, yeah, so that was the original plan.

And eventually it was built to be like 70-something thousand seat stadium. What is that a stadium for ants? My God, 70,000. That's, that's silly, I see, they don't play games there anymore. No, that got sold and knocked down. maybe 10, 20 years ago when they built the Dockland Stadium. And it's now, they've kept one stand and the football, the football surface is still there. The Hawks train there.

There's cafes there now. But where all the rest of the stands where it's all housing developments. So you could live in one of the shitty Waverly Park stands. Hold on, sorry, they don't actually just, it's not the facade of a stand that's been turned to it. It just looks like an oval now. It looks like a stadium, but if you go inside, there's like little doors and windows. It's amazing. I'm into that.

That'd be great. Yeah. If I was the umpire, I'd probably be like, well, that guy called me an asshole. So I'd probably want to give him the vote. I don't know. Why aren't they nicer to umpires then if they're the ones? Well, the ones who win tend to be. Yeah, but anyway, um, it's all about that.

No, I've said too much. Oh, no. That's going to disappear tonight. Your face, so serious. I was so scared. Oh, my God. What am I done? With the umpire, it's all about that, that handcheck at the end.

Thanks, mate. Yeah. Go on you. Yep. Yeah, yeah. Have a close look at that. The guys who were doing those, they're the one that's wearing the medal at the end of the year.

That's right. That was, it was named after an administrator, Charles Brownlow, and it was inaugurated in the 1920s. So he was admitted, so the poor old Tom Wills that started the whole game. Is there anything named after him?

No, nothing. Oh, do you want me to tell you some more about Wills? Yeah. So he... Old Willie. He came back after, you know, he invented the game and stuff. No, biggie. He just invented the biggest game in our country.

Yeah. Was dominant for Victorian cricket. Oh, that's right. He was also the best cricketer. This is all pre-Federation and pre-test cricket as well. So test matches did start, and he started to be seen as a bit of a has-been. He got called for throwing. He was a bowler.

And he was like, no, I do this with the pig's bladder all the time. He really went out of fashion in the cricket world and started getting a bit sad. While all that was happening, he went up north to Queensland for a while with his dad who was looking to start a new farm up north. It doesn't sound like it's good for time. I was hoping he's going to have a big comeback, but it doesn't sound. He's going to get malaria or something. He's going to kill himself. No, he's in the biggest ever.

massacre of European settlers by Indigenous Australians 18 men including his father were killed which I like I know this is probably bad but I feel no sympathy I was like yeah I kind of

I know it wouldn't be good for me I can't anyway you know fair enough It's hard but I don't know But was he Well he comes and go hey we're going to take this land For our farm man It all depends whether if he was being asked

Or not Yeah that's true Apparently apparently Tom himself was pretty friendly but how do you know like history is such a weird thing like it's all been written by European settlers so who knows and he was so he was one of the dead

no Tom wasn't one of the dead his dad was and he obviously found that pretty traumatic he struggled with that a lot and then at the age of 45 he stabbed a pair of scissors through his heart oh okay I shouldn't be happy but Perkins picked suicide so did you pick what murder weapon I didn't pick no

There's our Tom Willis in the study. Should have turned that into a little quiz there. Yeah. Tom Willis in the study with the scissors. Yeah. Through the heart. Yeah. That is an amazing way to go.

Because if you don't do it hard enough. It will really hurt. Really hurt. And you live. I just like to think that it was him trying to create a new game. Yeah. That's because that's his thing. Which he was famous for.

He also, yeah, invented Operation, the board game. I'm just trying to remove the heart without touching the ribs. Yeah. But unfortunately, he got electrocuted. touching the sides. What a way to go. So that was pretty sad. And he was kind of forgotten about

for a long time. And he's only really been thought of and brought up of a high regard in the last 20 years people started talking about him again. So that was the second dull fact from 1970 was the Brownlow medal count.

And then the third one was the highest ever VFL, AFL match attendance, 121,696. At the MCG, the grand final between Carlton and Collingwood. Wow. Which was the famous grand final that

Jezolenko took that big one. Jezolenko! The mark of the century. Yeah, that's on. And it was the game where Carlton came back to win after being down by 40 points because Ron Brassie coached them and said, play on at all costs.

And he brought on this kid, an unknown kid called, his name was Ted Hopkins. And he kicked five goals in the second half. Far out. And he hardly played ever again. Did he just not want to really? on his record.

No, you wouldn't, would you? Yeah, maybe. He just, like, it was just a fronialine kicked in, he just went nuts, and then he's like, I can't. That's great. And did he, because you win a medal if you pick, you kick the most goals in the grand final. Is that right?

Do you get the Norm Smith medal, which is named after a legendary Melbourne coach. See what to say, a legendary bird that may or may not have existed in the Himalayan Mountains. Norm Smith. Cockoo! I was about to say that.

Yeah. Good old Norm. Love you, Norm. No. Smith. But yeah, there's a, there's a story about Norm Smith. There's, like, the Norm Smith curse. That's why they're...

Melbourne haven't won a premiership since they sacked Norm Smith. Oh. And that scene is, like, being a... Told you. Mystical. Mystical Norm. You did not cross Norm. They brought him back later, but, yeah, it was never the same.

And they've, yeah, they've sucked ever since. And they're, like... They're the St Kilda of the modern era. Real battlers. They've been in the bottom six for the lot. They haven't made the finals for nine years or something. Oh dear. No one's done them in.

Yeah, so now I've got through those boring facts. Here's an exciting fact from 1975. Clubs were permitted to adopt coloured shorts for introduced colour television coverage. Oh, isn't it funny how TV TV. changes everything. Yeah. So before that was it white, white shorts only? It was black shorts for the home team, white shorts for the away team.

Ah. That's a good fact. That's a great fact, actually, yeah. I think so, that's interesting. Short related facts. Yeah, more of those, please. There's a similar, I don't know, I shouldn't even bring it up because I don't know the details and I'm hoping one of you does.

But it was the same when they brought in, like, color TV and the cricket, didn't they make them wear, like, pastel colors? Yeah, that was, well, that was carried. Carrie Packer started the World Series. cricket. To make it more exciting. Yeah, and they played at Waverly Park. That's where they first played, which is that 155, not quite 1,000 seats.

How many showed up to that first game, not many at all? No, not many, not many. So they probably made the right decision in cutting that number down. Wow. Cool, boy, you just said before the highest attendance ever has won 20,000, so they're still... Yeah, that's right. They would change, you would have, at the M, that was because that's the MCG absolutely jam-packed, And a lot of that was standing room.

I'm fairly sure that it's illegal to have that many now. It's about 100,000 now. Less standing room, so you can't squeeze the many in. So you get up towards 100,000 as a maximum. Also, very fat country that we live in these days. We will leaner back in these days. McDonald's hadn't arrived. That's right.

Second World War, the rationing we were talking about before. It was hard. It was hard to get fat. It was hard. Okay. And so at this stage, we're still, it's still the VFL. It's still only because. Victorian teams.

So I'm going to start talking about how it's morphed into the AFL. I haven't mentioned it much, but the team South Melbourne, who don't exist anymore. I know, you kept mentioning them and I'm thinking, who are they? They, between, they won three premierships in the first, like, 50 years. They were moderately successful team. Sorry, three times as successful as your team and my team. Yeah, and much less time. But between 45, 1945 and 1981, they only played finals twice.

So they were the real battlers in that mid-century period. And by the end of that time, they were in financial strife, which you sort of expect. And around the same time the VFL were keen to start looking to broaden their horizons, go national. compete with the Adelaide or the South Australian National League I considered calling themselves the FNL or something So in 1982 Against the will of a lot of South Melbourne supporters

They relocated all their home games to Sydney Still called South Melbourne The following year They were still called South Melbourne in Sydney Yeah and then the following year they were called Just called the Swans And then the year after that they became the Sydney Swans But that's some great transitioning there, isn't it?

I bet they were telling everyone, no, we'll always be South Melbourne. We'll always be South. We'll always be the Swans. Don't you worry. Sydney Swans. So the board cut a deal moving them to Sydney. And then there was a coup and the South Melbourne for South Melbourne committee or whatever group got voted in and took over the club.

But they weren't able to bring him back. It was just too hard. They were in so much financial strife that they weren't able to do it. I don't know if you, do you know Dr. Jeffrey Edelston? Yes. So they battled early years in Sydney. And in 1985, Dr. Jeffrey Edelston bought the team outright. So he was a private owner of the club, which is pretty rare.

Nearly always, NFL teams are owned by the members. And he sort of started to bring a bit of razzle-dazzle to the club. He did. Oh, because he's a very famous, very wealthy and very controversial sort of personal life kind of guy. Yeah, he's currently on a series of celebrity apprentice, apparently. So, you know, he's a pretty big deal. Yep.

And so he brought Warwick Kappa to the club. Oh, one boy. Who's long, long, blonde locks, and tight white shorts made him the biggest thing in the footy field in the 1980s. I don't remember him? So, and before that, who was he playing for? I think that was his first team so they brought him in from

like as a junior I think And was it Edelston sort of Splashing some cash But was it his plan to be like Alright we want you to be a blonde guy with sure I reckon that was part of it It was just sort of like So he used to drive a pink lambie

To the games and stuff So they became like they were rock and roll No, Kappa Warwickava had a pink Lamborghini Yeah Edelston flew a helicopter to the games Oh pardon of course sorry Of course he did.

Sorry. I just remember my uncle played for them when they were still South Melbourne. Oh, really? Yeah. That's cool. I don't have no further information about it. Just that he played, Russell Cook. Russell Cook.

I'm looking him up. He never sat you down and gave you the talk and said, look, you've got to go for the South Melbourne. No, he didn't. Just let me be. Good uncle. That is a good uncle. Yeah. No offense, Matt.

Yeah, so that was the swans. They hit a lot of trouble again soon after that. They did pretty well in those years. but like the money didn't last. Oh, was it not managed well? The pink Lamborghinis was nice. He bought all his players pink Lamborghinis and thought, why is the club broke?

He also brought a player called Greg Diesel Williams to the club. Oh, that's two-time... It led to the inventor of the diesel engine. I just thought it. It was two-time Brownlow medalist, but yeah, also related to the inventor of the diesel engine, which is not true. I don't know why they called him Diesel.

I think he was just like just an in-and-under. sort of no-frills kind of player. I guess that was why. Just kept going. Is that a thing that diesel engines did? Anyway. Let's say yes. So that was the first team.

So now the VFL could start thinking, oh, we are... So it's still called the VFL. Still called the VFL in mid-1980s. In 1987, the Queensland Football League and the Western Australian Football League, the Waffle,

both bought licenses to bring teams into the VFL, as well. So the Brisbane Bears Football Club and the West Coast Eagles Football Club came in the comp in 1987, still called the VFL. But Adelaide is holding out. Adelaide, yeah, I guess so. Because their, I mean, their league was still quite strong, but the VFL got stronger and stronger, got more flushed with cash, and they started buying players from other states. So the VFL was starting to become the strongest comp in the league because they were buying the best players. A lot of that, Carlton pretty much bought a premiership in the mid-80s.

by buying a lot of the best players from Adelaide, including Stephen Sticks-Kernahan and John Dorritic and a few others. But anyway, that's boring football stuff. I'm sure a lot of people left football just and I thinking, who are they? Can't believe you don't know, Stephen Sticks-Kernahan. Have you never seen the clip of a guy singing Stand By Your Man into a Premiership Cup? No. Well, you've got to YouTube that.

That's Stephen Sixthoran. Very good. So still called the VFL right through the 80s. In 1990, the VFL was finally renamed the AFL. Now, you could start to probably realistically call it a national competition. You had a team in the West Coast. You had a team up north in Queensland. You had a team in New South Wales and Sydney.

And obviously still plenty of teams in Victoria. And then over the following years in 1991, the Adelaide Football Club came in the comp. Finally, they were like, all right. You win. Your league is much more national than we are. Initially it was Port Adelaide Football Club, probably the strongest ever football club in Australia.

A bid for a license, but the sort of amalgam Adelaide Crows football, a brand new club made up of all of South Australia football league came in instead. So Port Adelaide didn't get a go for a while. No, even though they've won some like 40 or 50 premierships in the Sanifel. They're like just a super dominant team, way more than any VFL teams ever done. So they, so the Adelaide Crows came in. In 95, the Fremantle Dockers were brought in, so the second W.A. team. In 1997, Fitzroy, who were one of the original VFL clubs from back in 1897,

they merged with the Brisbane Bears because they were just. battling, both of them were battling really, and became the Brisbane Lions. Right on. Who only a few years later won three premierships back to back. So that worked out pretty well for them. So really, they came good. Yeah, they did come. Came real good.

Then Port Adelaide came in in 1997 as well. But they, because they were the Port Adelaide Magplaz because Collingwood already had that, that's why they had to choose a different thing. And they went with power. Yeah. Port power. Come on, guys. There's still more animals that we haven't used.

I'm going to tell you that there are 450,000 species of beetles in the world. You know beetles? That's how many different types of beetles there are. Do you reckon beetles though is a good... It's better than just a word. Power.

Power, like that's a... I'd call that a pretty powerful word. Have you seen beetles? They're pretty powerful. The most best-selling band of all time named after Beatles. And also, yeah. Isn't it like pound to pound

the rhinoceros beetle whatever it's called. The one that looks like a rhino is one of the strongest animals in the world. That's right. A lot more powerful than power itself. That should be the catchphrase for that beetle.

The Port Beatles. Do you know how many premierships, the power of one? Let's have a guess. Five? Yeah. Well, they've been in the comp since 1997. So they've been around for less than 20 years. I would say four. No, geez, all right. They've won

the same amount as St. Kilda and the Bulldogs. Everyone, just the one. But they've won at one in 18 years. Rather than, yeah. One in 118 years. Yeah. Ubly. So then, so we're getting pretty close now to what the league looks like now.

In 97, also the Footscray renamed themselves as the Western Bulldogs. What was the reason of that? The reason was to go weather team for all of the Western suburbs of Melbourne. All right, not just Footscrow. So they were trying to just broaden their reach. to a whole, you know, segment of Melbourne, which is probably smart. I think that your St. Kilda just renamed themselves the Australia. Australia's Australia's team.

And everyone, suddenly they're everyone's team. And then people will get finally behind them. They could be the Australian Saints, the Mary MacKillips. Oh, very good. The Mary MacKillips. We've got an officially canonised saint now. Very good. There's a little fact for you, Jessica.

That's a good one. That go. Maybe just the Macillips. The Macillips. The MacKillars. Or the killers. Oh, yes. The counter killers.

Because I'm just thinking the Mary Macillips isn't a very intimidating name. The Marys. Come on, Mary. Come on, Mary. The bloody Mary. Oh, that's good. That is good. I'm coming up.

I'm going to take questions in a moment. Please. Thank you. A couple of teams. You know the last two teams that have been admitted in the league in the last five years? The Gold Coast Suns. Go Coast Suns. GWS and Gweswesst.

Gwethwes Sydney. What are they, Giants? The Giants, yeah. So you've got... Come on! Well played, sir. You've got two teams in New Zealand. No, no, I'm saying, come on.

Get a better name. That is a lame name. Giants is a bad. Giant. Just go with... What about something cool, like an actual thing? Like the Minotaur. Is something cool.

Did you say an actual thing? Like a minotor? No, like an actual giant thing that people can relate. Dave, do we need to have a toy? Because it's giant. Like, oh, whatever. . Minator.

Colossal. The GWS Minutal. I don't mind it. But I think the teams seem to love alliteration. Yeah. GWS giants. Go up their sons, obviously, not. Greater Western Sydney.

There's not a lot of them, actually. Galars. Galas. What a great Australian animal. Yeah. I don't mind the Gillars. Well, the Greater Western Sydney grapes. Girates.

One of my favourite fruits. Giraffes. Real good fruit. Jeff like my uncle. Do you want to go through some mascots? Yeah, right. So, I mean, you know what the crows were. The lions used to be the Brisbane Bears.

Fitzroy, before they were the lions, they were the Marones or the guerrillas. Gorillas is good. That is not bad, right? That is really good. Guerrillas is good. The Carlton Blues were once known as the Butchers. Perfect.

I think because their strip looked like a... Oh, it makes them sound like. They could go on a killing spree. Yeah, I'm going to butcher. Yeah. The butcher. It's a great serial killer. It's great.

The bombers used to be called the same olds. The same old. Oh, I love that. That's such a, I don't understand it. I don't understand another, but I like it. What is that me? They were bombers because the Essenon was near the Essonan airport, and during the war, I think that was, they had like, yeah, the potter jets.

Bolling. Hawthorn Hawks. They were originally the Mayer. May blooms. May blooms. Again, not very scary. No, hawks is, that's a good choice. Yeah.

Yeah, Hawthorne Hawks, that's another clear alliteration. Melbourne Demons, obviously, we said before, red legs and fuchses. Do you know what, this is a more famous one? You know what the kangaroos used to be known as? And are still sort of known as a bit. North Melbourne. Oh, I thought that, no, blues. The shin boners.

Shinboners. Shimbonous. You're, hold on it. Not just shin bone, but shin boners. Yeah, shin bono. I don't really thought of it like that. Me either. You're familiar with that term?

That was kind of a famous one, I think. Sorry, what term? I'm not familiar with the shin boner. Have you heard of a guy called Glenn Archer? He was named the shin boner of the century. That's the best fetish I've ever heard. Shin boner. What does that mean?

You're giving me a shin bonner. I'd never, it's so funny that I'd never connected. Me either. The boner out of that. I was like, yeah, that's pretty funny. I don't know why Dave's laughing about it. But what is, to be a shin bone, what does that mean? Well, apparently, the theory is that a lot of the players back in the day worked in abattoirs,

and they used to pull the meat from the shin bones, and that's where it came from. Oh, that instantly comes to mind, not shin boner. What were you guys thinking? My goodness. Yeah, bring back the shin boners. No, I was, yeah, I was thinking abattoirs and separate. Operating meat from shin bones, well. Oh, that thing that we all do.

The Tigers, as far as I know, they were always called the Tigers. And the story I read was because a fan of theirs used to sit in a tree outside of the MCG or outside of punt road and yelling, go the Tigers from a tree. And that was where the name came from. He didn't like AFL. He just had something wrong with him. Go the Tigers. No, not you.

I'm talking to tigers I can see over here. What they don't know is that even when they went training, he was in that tree, The neighbors hated him. St. Kilda were once known as the Seagulls for a little while, because they were, you know, beachside team sort of made a bit of sense. Saints probably make some sense as well, St. Kilda. I suppose they could be the MacKillops. The swans used to be known as the Bloods or the Blood Stained Angels.

That is like a terrifying bikey game. Eagles were obviously pretty new. They've always been known as the Eagles. What about the Bulldogs? You know what? of your other nickname? Futscray

Is it, are they animals? No, I don't know It's hardly really know what these are. Oh, please say... Is it as good a shin bonus? One of them is just describing the fact they've got three colours, I think. They were called the tri-colors.

Oh, lame. Yeah, that's bad, isn't it? The Imperials? Which I wonder is that because they've got the colours of the Union Jack, maybe? Oh. And the Scraggers. Oh, good, perfect, Scragger.

The Scraggers versus the shin bonus. Who will win? Shin bonus, always. Shin bonus. If you scrag onto a shin bone, it's a pretty good. Pretty good result. That is a good, yeah, that is a good point. So, yeah, I mean, that's, I mean, there's so much shit I could talk about.

I don't know if there's anyone else who want to talk about. I mean, there's the international players coming in, like there's been Irish players. Yeah, a few Irish, yeah. Now Americans are starting to have a crack. And how are they getting crafted? How are they even hearing about the game? Well, they scout them. There's, AFL, are trying to expand internationally as well.

So they have an international cup, which is played, like, teams like Ireland and Japan and... Does Australia just destroy? Oh, do they not play? No, Australia doesn't play in it. So they're all amateur teams, pretty low-quality games. But, you know, it's just something they're trying to build up. You're trying to tell me that I could represent Japan internationally in Australian football. I think you...

Well, I think you could. The one problem I can see with that is that you're not Japanese. Well, I would just have to learn about ten phrases. Kick it to me. Good one. And... More money, please.

Why am I not being... Oh, 100,000 yen? This is... Oh, that's not very much at all. Yeah, you need to get good at your conversion. Yeah, I'll have a calculator. Yeah. At all times.

I think that's fair. Yeah, and then there's, like, things like... You know, the different records and stuff, and that's all kind of boring stuff. Essenon is one of the most premierships, Esson and Carlton, both with 16. But like I said, most of them were so long ago. In the modern era, Hawthorne, I would say, is definitely the cup team. Well, that's why I moved to Hawthorne, to be a winner. Yeah.

To be a winner. To be near the winners. And actually, I'm closer to the winners because I live near where they train. Yeah, I don't know. Why don't they train near where I live? No, I don't know. Yeah, so I don't have any. Do you have anything for me, anything you want to...

I knew none of that? No, I didn't know. It's not our national game. One, I'm not that into it. And two, I have no idea. And I think even the people that go out there every week, members that go to every single game, home and away, fly into state to watch them, have no idea where the game came from.

Yeah. If I said, oh, mate, yeah, you love footy. Tom wheels, right? Who are you talking about? Yeah. I reckon that's probably true as well. It's funny to think that just at that time, this one guy went over to England,

and that was how it happened. Otherwise, you know, if someone else came back and went, found this great game called rugby, let's just play that, which is more what happened in the northern states. In the northern states. Yeah, that was what, anyway, this is a weird addendum at the end of the episode. Well, maybe a throw forward to a future episode. Thank you very much, Matt.

That was great. No worries. How did you find it? Compelling? Compelling? Yeah. I think whether we should go out and start our own league. Yeah, okay.

Well, guys, thank you very much for joining us. Matt, thank you for going on. I really did go on. I don't even want to look at how long that went before. You bloody enjoyed that, and so did I. I enjoyed that. I enjoyed it. I just, yeah, I felt like I had nothing to contribute because I know nothing about football.

But now I do. Well, you will know something about something next week, so I believe Jess Perkins might be up next. Can't wait. With a report on the next episode. Yeah. It's going to be top stuff. Don't tell us. But do you know what you have any ideas?

I had an idea during this one, so I'll start to look. Why did you drift it off? At one point. It's definitely rugby league. Definitely rugby league. All right, well, we look forward to that. Thank you very much. And we'll see you guys next time.

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