Do Go On - 208 - Keen For Peen : The History of the Penis

Episode Date: October 16, 2019

Look, we can't even really remember where or when #KeenForPeen started, but even since you've been suggesting it as a topic. And now, for BlocktoberTopherGrace month, you get it! But how will we tackle such a topic!? With the help of our good friend, Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall.Buy tickets to our live shows here: https://dogoonpod.com/events/Our website: dogoonpod.comSupport the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen to Al's podcast, Two In The Think Tank (with Andy Matthews) : https://play.acast.com/s/two-in-the-think-tankAl's Instagram: @atremblaybirchallOur awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

This week's episode of Do Go On is brought to you by our upcoming show in Perth. Perth, we're coming over for the first ever time Sunday, November 3rd, the Comedy Lounge. It's a double pod extravaganza. And by that I mean there's a live podcast, and afterwards we're going to run a super fun, super loose quiz. Two shows for the price of one. Be there. Be a loser. Yeah.

I think it's the same. That's good stuff. If you want tickets, you go to dogoonpod.com. And that's the same place you can find tickets for our upcoming December, UK and Ireland tour with shows in Dublin, Glasgow, Leeds, Bristol, London and Birmingham. Some shows are sold out. So get in right now. And for the ones that are sold out, get in two weeks ago. Okay, I'm on the show.

Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dev Warnocky, and I'm. sitting here in a different chair with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. How's your tush? Very comfortable. More comfortable than your usual chair? Yeah, there's extra padding on this chair because not one, many people sit in this chair. Right.

Yeah, warn it down. Why are you sitting in a different chair day? I've been usurped. I've been kicked out of my normal chair by rather violent individual by the name of Alistair Trombly Boucher. Yeah. Hello everybody. Hi, Al, we know you from Toen the Think Tank and being our friend in real life. Yeah, and I know you guys from that same friendship and from your podcast, whose name escapes me.

We were just singing it. You were just singing. You made up a song about us. Oh, that's true. I was at the same one. You guys are still doing that one. They're still doing it. Do go on great.

Cool. Thanks for having me on. We can't believe it all. Yeah. Yeah, it's wild. It's crazy even to us. But what we like to do here sometimes is delegate. And so we like to get some of our close friends to come in and do a shit ton of work so that we don't have to.

Let me ask you this out. How many years have been since someone's given you a homework task? I feel like the kind of line of work that we're all in essentially is it's all homework. It's all self-motivated, giving yourself little projects and things like that. So I understand that you guys have a little bit of guilt because I've written something up for today's thing. But I want you to know that this is my life and this is my dream to get to do this with you guys. Wow. And this is what I've, you know, it's a whole direction.

It's been building up to this. The beginning of the universe till now has been leading to this point. Wow. What will happen afterwards? I think that's when the universe starts to slow down and then it starts to come back on itself. and then we're heading towards that big crunch. Okay, cool. Yeah.

Is that how it ends with a big crunch? That's one theory. I mean, they don't know what it. Starts with a bang, ends with a crunch. They weren't 100% sure this podcast was going to happen, but now that we know it is. Right. Yeah. The crunch is coming.

Like that guy in the trench code at the end of Back to the Future. Me and the guys were having our bets back of the office. No one thought you'd actually turn up. Is it kind of like that? I'm no physicist, but yes. Wow. Amazing. I didn't know that happened at the end of that movie.

It's a great scene. As soon as you say guy in a trench coat, I assume he's got nothing underneath. Me too. He's just like, you see him from the back, and it's just a man in the trench coat. Then you're like, hang on, where he's pants? And then you see him from the front and his dicks out. Are you McFly? Are you Marty McFly?

He comes up, bro. It's like, whoa, you come up real full on for a guy who's excited to see someone who's basically proved that time. Time travel's real. Anyway. Don't remember that either. I wonder if that was a direction or if that actor just took this. I want to go hard at this.

Yeah. That was just, you know how like they always go, all right, I think we've got it, but let's just have one more for fun. Yeah. Maybe it was the fun one. Yeah. It could have been two kids in a trench coat. Oh, wearing no clothes.

With the dicks out. And the reason why he was sounding extreme was because he doesn't know how to be an adult. Oh, right. And so. A kid's impression. of an adult is extreme. And loud because kids, parents are always yelling at him. Always yelling.

He's building his backstory into his front story. Yeah. Which is nerd. Which is nude. Yep, that makes sense. I mean, there's been a little bit of foreshadowing there about today's topic. Block means there's going to be a few topics where normally we don't know what it is, but today we all kind of know what it is.

But we also, really, we normally start the episode with a question. Have you got a question? Or saying as we all know what it is? Should we explain before Al gets into it Just in case people are tuning in for the first ever time What the show is? Al and this topic will bring in a few new listeners I reckon Mm-hmm

So welcome to those people first of all Thank you so much Welcome to everybody Yeah this is a weird thing But this is I guess the question is Are you keen for peen? Can I answer for everyone?

Yeah Hell yes Yeah Exactly Now I believe that this is a reference To a joke that you guys used to do On the show Yeah, none of us can remember when it began.

So the show's been going for nearly four years now, and maybe, I reckon in the first six months or so, we were very keen on hashtags early in the day. Yeah, that's right. We'd say this week's hashtag is, use this, and our 600 followers or whatever at the time would do that. And the one that seemed to stuck was hashtag keen, or stick, I should say, is hashtag keen for peen.

Yeah. Hot for tut was another big one. Yeah, and probably for Bob. That one has stuck around. Yes, that's probably the most. I don't remember where Keene for Paine came from But it comes up every now and then Well this is

An episode It's been voted on by the listeners Who wanted it as a block topic So it's like a top five voted on And because we're doing our Block means we're doing our top five Most Requested Topics this month Yeah

What are you doing for Block Al? Yeah, I've got any other block plans outside of this I'm giving up Lent You're giving up Lent for Block Yeah Whoa So you're not You're not depriving yourself of anything.

Yeah, that's the sweetest blue pole of all. Giving up on giving up. I love that. Yeah, that is great. I'm starting to binge a lot more. Trying to get back into binging. Yeah, great. You know how scientists thought it was bad for so long?

Anyway, it's considered good again. Oh, thank God. Is that true? Because you're sort of like a scientist. Yeah, well, and that's kind of what I'm, the way I've approached this Keen for Pene episode. Right. I've turned it into what I believe is a history of the penis.

Oh, man. Your penis? No He doesn't refer to his penis As the penis Oh I do No I refer to Al's penis The best of all's penis

The best of all was The best of him will be Oh god I appreciate it But I want you to know That my penis makes no Appearance in this Report

Or whatsoever Unless we bring it up in conversation Otherwise it might be another hashtag Me too That's right People requesting that Al talks about his penis Yeah I'll agree with that

Can you get that guy back on? I want to know about his penis. He didn't make the story personal enough. All right. Now, for those who don't know, the penis is the male sex organ, which also acts as a conduit for urine to leave the body. Wow. I've never thought of a penis as a conduit.

I wish I brought a pen. I never thought of a penis as a double threat before. There it is. Dave, I think there's going to be some other things that... Triple threat? A cat dance. Yeah, a cat, there was a thwarted. There was a third use that some people I knew in high school did

where there was about, you could press it up against some glass and it looked like a squashed frog. That's a third art form, rather. Better than a squashed frog on the scale of art, it's like above mime. It may be even above podcasts. I think, like, I remember going to a festival once and finding out that circus acts were above,

stand-up comedians and I was like very disappointed. I was like, oh, we are low on the ladder. Yeah, we are low. How did you find that out? Because the circus performers were allowed to have Smirnoff ice drinks and we were only allowed to have beers. That's weird. Yeah, we were down low.

So you'd say, let's say, what's your art form? Ah, you're a circus freak, okay. Have a vodka. You're a comedian. Beer for you, scum. Like drink a bit of beer and spit it into a separate cup and hand to you. You're Phil. I'm a frog bowl and penis window guy.

My goodness, please. Cognac for you. Here is the Moe-Shan. Please allow me to carry you, my leash. Feel free to use this window. Would you sign this window for me? With your dick. The word penis comes from...

Latin? I believe so. Well, say it comes from about 16. 1770s, perhaps from the French penis. But before the 16th70s, it wasn't a penis. I don't think so. Oh, my God. Penis, which earlier was just meant tail.

Ah, it does look a bit like a tail. Mine is certainly the length of a tail. Shut up, Dave. Enough about... Which animal's tail? Putting a, yeah, putting a boxer. A gecko? What's the one that fall, their tail falls off?

A blue. Whale. Okay. All right. I'm putting a rule on the table now. No more mentions of any penises that are in this room. Well, I'm putting another thing on the table right now. His elbow, rudely while he's eating.

Never understood that rule. Okay, okay. No more mention of my penis. Unless it's particularly a good joke. Yeah. Okay. Now, according to this definition, the proper plural is peanies.

Oh, that's so much better than peenai. How are you spelling that? P-E-N-E-S. Wow. P-E-N-E-S. Yeah, I had to Google a pronunciation. You go to Emma saying on YouTube? Emma had the snake one because the snake one, snakes have two.

Oh. And it's called a hermapenis. Hermoponese. I mean, the snake basically is a penis. Yeah, hold on. Are you counting the body of the snake as one? This is according to scientists, they didn't go into whether or not they're counting the body, but they said that they had two.

And I think they're not counting the body. But then the penis is part of the body. Sure. That's a good point, too. So, I mean, technically you could count it as one because it's just, anyway. So now, also the adjective is penial. Okay. Right.

But to tell the story of the penis, you have to go back to when life first emerged at least 3.8 billion years ago, about 750 million years after the Earth was formed. Wow. So the first three-quarters of a billion years was pain-free? Completely. It was a clean slate. Imagine a pain-free world. Wow. It would have been nice, I think.

It would have been less awkward, right? So now, picture this. The surface of a young planet. around a medium-sized star is beginning to cool down. It's a violent place bombarded by meteorites and volcanic eruptions with an atmosphere full of toxic gases. But almost as soon as water begins to form, pools and oceans on its surface, something extraordinary happens. A molecule or perhaps a set of molecules capable of replicating itself arises. Oh.

Right? Now, all living things, despite their endless variations, contain three fundamental elements. This has gone far from penises already, hasn't it? Yeah, I mean, thank you, Carl Sagan. They contain three fundamental elements. There are molecules that encode information and can be copied. That's DNA or its simpler relative RNA. There are proteins, which are workhorse molecules that perform important tasks,

and encapsulating them all, there's a cell membrane made from fatty acids, right? And that's a very early cell. Now, early cell membranes were built from fatty acids. Fatty acids are molecules that look like lollipops, and they've got a round head and a long tail, and the head enjoys the company of water, whereas the tails despise it. So, when placed in water,

fatty acids self-assemble into hollow spheres, with the water-hating tails pointing inwards and the water-loving heads on the surface. These spheres can enclose RNA and proteins, making proto cells, fatty acids, then can automatically create the compartments that were necessary for life to emerge. And that's because I believe...

In a free world? And this is a personal belief that the universe is keen for peens. Right? So this natural thing where, like, there's just an inclination towards life just happening, I believe is because the universe was trying to get us to this end point

where we are now. And this is the end point of the world. Right. So now, the first cell is presumed to have arisen by the enclosure of self-replicating RNA in one of these membranes.

So RNA was just a molecule that was capable of reproducing itself. And that was kind of considered the beginning of life. But then you got it enclosed in these fatty acids like that. And then it was to be able to separate itself from the outer world and kind of keep these things together.

And things were able to form in there like DNA. and proteins and things like that, right? And so a cell like that is common ancestor to all life, right? Now, eventually these simple creatures start to reproduce themselves, either asexually or sexually. Right? An organism that is born through asexual reproduction

only has the DNA from one parent. In fact, their offspring is genetically an exact copy of the parent, and this can cause problems for the individual. For example, if the parent has a gene that causes a particular disease, the offspring will also have the gene that causes that disease. So organisms produce sexually, though, may or may not inherit that disease because they receive a mix of their parents' genes. It doesn't seem that much about penises yet, right? Yeah.

But it's important to know why penises would emerge. Sure. Yeah. Because they're else you just got these things that replicate, and they're exactly the same as their parents. And so if a disease comes through that can kill their parents, it can kill everything in the whole thing. Hence this goes on and on and on. Right, whereas... I'm not sure if I follow us yet.

No? But I reckon I will soon. No, no, you're going to get there. And it's going to get really... When the pains appear. Yeah. When they emerge. I'm sorry, when they emerge.

That's when they emerge, I know. It was hard Googling when did penises emerge. Yeah, don't Google image that. When were chops first flopped? Yeah, good question. Put it in Matt's. Now I'm following my vernacular. Thank you.

All right, Matt, you're going to love this. Penises? There you go. Painees? Peanese. Pienes. Isn't that also a flower? I hope so.

The blue pyrenees? Looks like a mountain range, I think. The blue pyrenees, yeah. Peanies weren't necessarily when our early ancestors lived in the ocean. A female could lay eggs and a male could just swim by

and excrete some sperm. It would all mix and fertilize in the water. But that all changed when our ancestors crawled up onto land. Because if you go up on land, your eggs would just dry out and then if you just laid them on the ground. So nature came up with a different way. Internal fertilization using the penis. I'd love to have attended that border in mating. Yeah.

A trick for getting sperms to eggs. So, but where did it come from? Well, one theory about how the penis formed. All right. Another Google search Theory on how penis was formed Oh my God I've been Googling

This kind of stuff so much And it's been really hard to find Right Now For example Legs are another Essential element of life on land Right

And some scientists thought That the penis And limbs evolved around the same time Right Now snakes One certainly did Sorry sorry They have three legs

I think look If you want to follow the rule where, you know, we're not using penises in the room, we could just start talking about, say, Gary's penis. Gary's shoulder. And we just say it in the same bragging tone. Yeah. Yeah. Makes me slightly less

uncomfortable. Yeah. There you go. Thank you. Thank you for that. Okay. Now, so they think that legs and penises evolved at the same time. Now, snakes have since lost their limbs, but they've kept their penis. Which is their body? Which is their... Well, they've Two.

They've got two. They're very, yes. They've got two, not counting the body, which is the third one. Choose one. Limbs or your dick. Choose my dick. Thank you. Good night.

Next question. Would you, in that? Would you choose your dick and that? You're damn right. Gary would, sorry. Yeah, would Gary? Gary's a real snaghan. Gary would just be a torso and a head and a dick.

Two got arms, don't I? No. Limbs. I was thinking of just the legs. Oh. Great. Come back to Gary. So then as we know, each one is called a hemipenus or a hemiponese.

Hemiponnes. Yeah, we all know. Yes, of course. We know. Okay, now researchers look closely at the embryos of the snake. And some kinds of snake embryos still have limb cells in them today. And it's the limbs. It's those limb cells that actually get hijacked to become the hemipinus.

Oh. And because. you have two limbs, that's most likely why you end up with two hem and pennies. Right? Right. Now, the researchers also looked at mice, and they found that the penis, though, formed not around the legs, but near the tail. So what causes two penises to grow from the region? And maybe that's why there was just one, right?

Right. So now, what causes two penises to grow from the region where a snake once had its legs and one to grow from the tail region because of a mouse. Well, it turns out that the cells are getting orders from another part of the body, the anus. That's right. That's right. You remember hearing that joke where it's like, you know, all the parts of the body you're talking about who's the big boss of the body,

you know, and the head's like, I run the show and all that. And then the arms are like, I know I run the show, but then the anus shuts itself down. And then, you know, like the body fills up with shit When the person goes into like toxic shock and they die, whatever. And the penis is like, I fucking run the shit out. That's a joke, do we all remember? Yeah, it's a fun joke.

Yeah, you guys don't remember that joke? From primary school, yeah. That's either a French-Canadian thing or an engineer thing. Oh, no. Or both. The team's turning against me. I'm with you. I remember letterman in opening the monologue with that one day.

Remember when the ass shut down? You guys heard about this? You heard this? I love this. My favorite thing. You guys seen this? You heard this? I love this.

Hands in the pocket. All right. Now, the digestive track is among the most ancient parts of any animal, right? Even the most primitive animals have mouths and bottoms. Now, I don't have you've ever seen this. One of the best things I've ever seen ever, right, was only within the last six months. Wow. It was this video that a guy made of a fertilized, like, salamander cell going from one cell

and then he filmed it until it turned into a salamander. Wow. It's a close up bit of vision, and you just see the single cell go, blute, and kind of split into two, and then go, bloot, and split into four, and they go bloop, bloop, bloop, until it becomes way more cells,

like tons and tons of cells. And then you start to see it take shape. Whoa. Right? But then there's this one part before it really kind of starts to take shape where you see it go and kind of just flip in on itself, and it creates this.

weird tube in the middle of itself and that's that mouth to anus tube that we all that gets created really early that's like the first thing right like so like you're inside from you know your mouth to your anus is essentially separate

from your body because you're not like you know there's ways to get in but that is a kind of a separate part of you it's almost outside but it's the complete opposite of that it's inside yeah it's like an outside inside place kind of like a like a

like a sun room. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can open the French doors. Exactly. But, you know, you didn't ever heat it. You close the door to that room when you're heating.

It's an entertaining area for the summertime. Exactly. You got friends over. It's the same thing for your digestive, the digestual track. Yeah. I think of dinner as having a few friends over. It's exactly what it is. Let's go hang out in the sunroom, friends.

A couple of vitamins over for, you know, who enrich your life. And that's what friendship should be. A couple of things enriching. Enriching. I come from Wall Street. Now, and when more complex animals are developing in the womb, it's actually the gut that spurs the organs to grow. So the gut has a lot of, like I said, he's the big boss.

Organs like the liver and pancreas bud off of the gut. And apparently so does the penis. wherever the gut happens to end, signals go out telling the penis to form. Oh, wow. So it's always near uranus. That's right. That's right. That's beautiful.

Gary Zanis. Gary Zanis. That was the Royal U to be fair, but thank you for pulling me up on my own rule. I appreciate that. And I did look up these researchers who kind of were talking about this stuff. They also have written a paper called A Relative Shift in Cloacal location, reposition's external genitalia in amniote evolution. Now, I don't know what that means exactly,

but my interpretation is that if you can get an anus in a different place, a dick will grow there. Wow. That's my general interpretation. Do you go into cloaca as much, say, because you're a pretty big cloaca man. Look, I love the cloaca. I think it's a much better system.

I think the idea of two cloacas is coming together, instead of, you know, sort of penis vagina intercourse, you know, it's that cloacal kiss like a chickens do, right? It just sounds nicer, doesn't it? Coal kiss. Sounds like something you could do on the first date. A cloacal kiss. Yeah, cloacal kiss on the first day. As opposed to full penetration.

Well, yeah. Yeah. I mean, you could also do that on the first date. I think that's totally cool. Or Gary could do that in the first date. Gary does do that. Yeah. Right.

So, yeah, obviously. Oh, Gary tells him all the first day. Oh, my God. It's rare that he doesn't do that. That's when he knows it's special. Now, can you just quickly explain what a cloaca is? It's like a, it's a bit of everything. It's a birthing canal.

It's a urethra. It's anus, but it's not three holes. It's one hole. And what animals have it? And I want you to say that I was saying that like Steve Jobs said it when he was presenting the iPhone. It's a phone. It's an iPod.

And it's a third thing. But it's not three devices. It's one device. It's one hole. Yeah, it's one hole. So what's... So chickens have cloacas? Yeah.

Right. But even though there are hens and roosters. There are kind of male cloacas and there are female cloacca. Are there any animals that just have, they all have the same kind of cloaca? I think I would not know. Right. All right. I think I'm misunderstood.

How big your love of cloaca is. I think you just like the word. I love it. I would say snails probably have some kind of system like that, but they can reproduce asexually. But they can also, I think, interbreed. And you can cut them in half, and that makes them too as well. I think that's a worm.

And I'm not sure that's right. I think any fun fact that you've ever heard, I think that they're all bullshit. That's why they're fun. You see, you know how you've been bored up until this point? Listening to this, It's because I haven't put any fun facts in here. Just real facts.

Yeah, just real facts. All right. Now, obviously, that's the evolutionary explanation of where the penis comes from. But the biblical version is God was making the universe, and he looked around and he thought, you know what? You know what? This place is missing. Bit of dick. Penises.

And so based on... God's a real perf. Well, there was Gary and Eve. And he's looking at Gary, gone, yeah. Let's do some of that. No. around the crotch. You mean, that you look like a kenn doll, Gary.

They all just had flat down there. It was a little smooth. Yeah. I mean, I think that's almost a better look as well. Yeah. Yeah. Cloaca nubs. Could we make that out of?

Cloacal nubs? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I like that. Yeah. Or just have it in between the cheeks. Yeah. I think, and then you would kind of have to, like, you'd have to sort of butt

scissor. But there would be no sort of butt hole. It would now be a cloacal hole. Or you could just sort of like back into each other. I think that's nice. But then the cheeks. The cheeks get in the way. The cheeks would...

There would be a cushion to stop the pushing. So maybe don't put it between the cheeks. Why put it between the cheeks? Well... For modesty. Yeah, for modesty reasons. And then if you really want to, then you could sort of... You could butt-sizzar.

So there's no accidental. Yeah, so there's no accidental impregnation. Imagine, yeah, if you're accidentally... Like, if you put it on your hand, and all of a sudden we're not used to the new technology, and we're still shaking hands or half-finding. five and... Yeah, we're smacking each other on the butt

because we're playing football together. Yeah, it's going to lay the issues. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. So you've got to think about that. Gary should know better, though. But he doesn't. So God created...

The penis. God created the penis off of an image in his mind. Is it referenced in the Bible? Well, this is what I wanted to get to is that I was using this as a bit of a, as a bit of a, you know, a bit of connective tissue between this idea and then this little thing that I found read about

is that God made Adam and his penis, obviously, but then we all know how God made Eve. Right. From his rib. Yeah, it took one of Adam's ribs. Well, according to Zioni Zevitt, a professor of biblical literature in Northwest Semitic languages,

God then made Eve not from Adam's rib, but from his baculum. His baculum. It's baculum. Now, what is a baculum? Yes. Well, as you know, the human penis contains no bones. Right?

You're all familiar with this. So it's weird that we call it a boner. That's right. It is very weird. There's no bone in that? There's no bone in there. But most mammals do have a bone in their penis. You know, including our closest evolutionary relatives, chimpanzees and bonobos.

Really? Yes, they both have penis bones. I did not know that. The penis bones connected to the, I don't know, pelvis, I guess. No, that doesn't make sense. Yeah, somewhere in there. Yeah, it's got to be anchored somewhere. Yeah, you're right.

Now, in primates, the presence of a penis bone was most tightly correlated to increased intermission duration, which is how long the penis penetrates the vagina during intercourse. Longer intermission times often occur in species with polygamous mating practices, where are multiple males mate with multiple females, as seen in bonobos and chimps, but not in humans. And this system... Far from the Oneida sex cult community. That's right.

Which we talked about last month. But also bonobos make plastic containers for putting your foods in as well. So you're right. They're actually connected to them in that way. It's amazing what bonobos can do. Well, that's right. They're so similar to us. So you're saying the more people you think,

Fuck. The longer you can fuck for. I hated myself for that whole sentence. Well, the reason why they have a bone is probably because they're having sex for longer. And even after they have ejaculated, the penis will still be functional for having sex because it has a bone holding it up. Right. Like a tent bone. They need to go again.

Yes. Structural integrity. Yeah. And now, this is what. Do they need a gyrope as well? Garrope? Yeah. Gyrope?

Is that a gar rope or a gyro? I don't know what that is. That's... When you're putting up a tent, you've got the pole in the middle, but then you hold your nail in some gar ropes. Yeah, I think you can do that with some banana leaves and stuff like that, you know, when you're... Chimps, that's why chimps love banana. That's why I love bananas.

Because the leaves are so fibrous for making gyrope. Now, the interesting stuff with the reasons for the bones is so multiple men, males are mating with multiple females, right? This system creates an intense competition for fertilization, and one way for males to reduce a female's access to additional males is to spend more time having sex with her themselves. It's like when someone in Parliament doesn't want anyone else to speak, so they just speak for 24.

It's a filibuster. It's a filibuster dick. That's what... Philaboner. Philaboner. Oh, Gary. If I have sex with this female... chimp for 72 hours straight

no one can get in yeah and so yeah so and the penis bone facilitates this by supporting the penis during sex and keeping the ureth still rock hard in here oh man I mean look this is going to be pretty awful what I what I'm about say but I remember

this just reminds me of one time my friend told me that he knew a guy who had gone to some sex party and had taken Viagra and apparently you know even after you've ejaculated you can keep going and he's like So what was that like

He goes Oh Oh the end of it I was shooting gravel Oh Oh Oh Oh

God Just that idea You're just so deep In the cavity of the testicles That just hung Some Solid matter

Coming out Anyway Apologies Stomic lining Pile Okay So back to Adam and Eve

Um Is He says that, so men don't have an uneven number of ribs, and nor do men have fewer ribs than women. So none seem to be missing. I always thought that's something that I only learned in the last few weeks. I can't remember who told me. Yeah, we were talking about that. Because I just, I always assumed that that was based on the fact that women and men had a different amount of ribs.

But I only learned recently that is not the case. What? That was on one of my reports, I think. Right. And we were talking about it and we were trying to find our ribs. Yeah. It's hard. That only cute.

Yeah. Well, there's just kind of, there's too much matter between them to kind of really count them out. But it's like, you can have like 12 or 11. Yes. Or in, uh, in Maryland Manson's case. A couple of less. Oh, hello. Um, right.

So they don't. So this is, this is why this guy is saying that, um, God created Eve with his baculum. So, and then, so why would ancient. ancient Hebrews come up with a story that so plainly fails to correspond with reality. Well, he says over the 40 appearances of the word, Cella in the Bible, which is the word that is translated as rib, usually it means the side of something, but it occurs 40 times and it never sort of means rib, right?

So he's saying that rib is the wrong translation for Cella in the Adam and Eve story in the Bible. Zevitt believes that Sele should be translated as a non-specific general term. Anyway, so he says it refers to limbs lateral to the vertical axis of an erect human body, hands, feet, in this case, males the penis. Which of these lateral limbs, and which of these lateral limbs lacks a bone? Human males do not have a penis bone, but many mammals do. So Zevich concludes that in the story of Adam and Eve in the Bible, the woman was created from the man's baculum to explain why the appendage isn't there.

So he, and he believed, so he's a believer in like literal, the Bible's to be taken literally. I think he wants it to make sense. Yeah. You know. Well, that makes sense. You know, but then why animals? Like, how did they make the female animals? Like the badger still has its cockbone.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. The badgers connected to the cockbone. Yeah. So they didn't do, they didn't do the same by taking out the cockbone from the bone. Badger to make the female badger? I think God just made those. Does he work in a mysterious ways?

Well, he just went to. I think that was the only thing that he ever referred to. I mean, if you can just do it with clicking your fingers, why do you have to steal the cup? I think it was because he was making us in his image. He wanted to take a little time. So he made Adam and then from Adam he made Eve, right? So now he's like, okay, they're like same but different. So then he was sort of like, I've created females.

So then when it came to animals and stuff, it was just like, Oh, right. So he'd create, that was him taking the time to create Trinda. Yeah, right. And then they perfected you when they, he created the badger. Correct. Yeah. That's why I hate badgers so much.

It's really just that I'm jealous of them. So another. No, badgers. Oh, sorry. Love dogs. Love dogs. Hate badgers. In terms of evolution, another thing that humans have lost,

as well as the baculum or bacula for the plural, is... Wow. Multiple penis bones. Well, you know, I guess if you think of all the garris that are out there, you could think of all the bacula that we don't have. Yeah. Al, you're a man of science. Yeah.

Where do you stand on the whole God-created man thing? Where do I stand on it? Yeah. I think it's... Do you have a take? Yeah, I got a hot take. Okay. Yeah.

He definitely did. Yeah. It's a hot take around you. Yeah. So, you know, so that's why I don't know why I bothered you. with that evolution thing at the beginning. As you saw, it was confusing and boring. And that's why it's important that we all know

that God did create everything. But yeah, I put that there. God put that thing in me to put in there. The baculum. To challenge you. Okay. And did we pass the test? Well, you seem to be questioning it.

And that's why you got me to this point to admit it. So you failed. A real doubting. Yeah, now over these millions of years, humans not only lost the baccula. We also have lost penile spines. What? I mean, spines. Why are we not protesting in the streets for this?

Wait, so as in like spines, like spines on a spiky echidna? Or spines like your, like little D4 or whatever they are in your back? Fertabra. Fertabra. I think they vary. They vary in hardness. And purpose. Well, Gary, sometimes, you know, he's had a hard day and he can't focus.

So he's sorry about that. No, that's okay. Well, you know, I don't know if you coming in here and casting aspersions on, like, the consistency of his hardness is helping anyone. It's normal. It's normal. No, absolutely. He's got stuff on his mind. Oh, I was referring to the spines.

Oh, thank God. Yeah, the spines. Okay. Well, forget everything I said. Many species. I didn't even bring it up. Many species have. these spines including cats, wombats, hamsters, koalas, primates.

Coalas. You say that funny. And insects? I don't know what insects do? How does he say to say to him? Cowalas. Cowalas. It's just koalas.

It's just because he goes Australian. Cowalas. Coalas. It's fine. There's some inconsistencies in how I speak and that's okay. I just like when you're doing a character. Yeah. But the only thing about the character is it's fullest.

Yeah, I'm from Australia. Hello. Now, in some... Look, this would be all more interesting if I was. In some animals, the penile spines contribute to increased sexual sensation and quicker orgasms, which what makes me think that I must still have them. All right, Gary. I mean, Gary still have it. Yeah, gotcha, Gary.

Penal spines. I can't picture it. So sort of like, you know, rib for her pleasure. Well, I think do you... Gary. Gary's wife's pleasure. They're usually pointing like backwards towards the animal. Oh.

Hey, well that's what I say. If you're pointing one, dick spines at your enemy, you're pointing four dick spines back at yourself. If you're pointing your dick at your enemy, you're pointing all your dick spines are pointing back at you. So yeah, it's something to think about it.

This is a lot more about your dick spines. That's right. Well, now, this is, so they vary in purpose for many animals. the sex scene for this species of fly. Wait, and sorry, this is like a type of fly. I think a fruit fly is, so the fruit fly, the sex scene for a species of fruit fly

is best described as a scrambling free-for-all. Hundreds of fruit flies will gather on, say, a wayward orange and then there'll be manic feeding on there, along with lots of intercourse, right? Thus males evolved these penile spines to latch on to a male. with as many females as possible during that mayhem. So it just holds them there in this craziness.

And the same thing with bats, apparently, so that they can have mid-air copulation. Right. Oh, that'd be fun. That's right. Yeah, it'd be fun, but also it'd be terrible. It'd be like trying to do it in like in a jacuzzi where you're kind of pushing each other away from each other

because you're floating. And so you'd be constantly flying away and going, oh, sorry, buddy. Like that. And so there's a bit of latching with these spines, right? In chimps, penis spines have been proposed to do many things, including increasing stimulation in males, increasing stimulation in females, removing copulatory plugs or sperm left in by other males, or even inflicting minor damage during mating so that females are left receptive to sexual intercourse with other males. And that's something that you see. It was all fun until that last one.

Love getting rid of plugs. Yeah. That's good times. Oh, love it. Yeah. So there is a lot of those kinds of things where apparently that's a similar thing in cats as well, where you hear about that where it's like they've got a spiny thing and it's kind of, it hurts the female.

Oh, my God. Well, isn't it a thing that only humans and dolphins fuck for fun? Yeah. As a scientist, do you back that up? What about bonobos, don't that? Didn't we just talk about them doing it? Oh, bonobos. They like to bone.

Yeah. I reckon probably more things like to bone than we think. Well, this is just another one of those childhood fun facts. Yeah, just because it feels like... It's a child-friendly. This is my opinion and obviously the opinion of God. Yeah. Right?

Through you. Through me. But my feeling is that if we get any kind of pleasure sensation from that stuff, I can't imagine that we're the only ones who get it. Sure. I think probably everybody else gets a lot of that kind of stuff. Yeah. So you tell yourself.

Yeah. Well, I mean, I don't know if they get the same amount of shame that I feel, right? Gary, the Gary feels. Yeah, Gary feels. No, no, no, that I feel when I'm using Gary's dick. All right. So sorry. This wasn't supposed to be as kind of...

I mean, you've seen nature documentaries. The animals rarely look like. They're just getting it done and moving on. But you've seen the new Lion King, haven't you? Oh, I have, yeah. Real animals don't look like they're having fun. No, that's people watching real animals. Yeah, real animals aren't.

quite as expressive and cartoon-like. Right. Yeah. With expressions that we know how to read. Yeah, when I watch cartoon lines fucking, they're sort of dancing around, their hairs moving around in Afro formations. Whereas the actual lines, yeah, stony-faced, getting the job done. Exactly.

And also, anyway, forget it. Most people I've seen having sex on film don't seem like they're having fun either. It seems much more angry. You go, what the hell's going on? Have fun. Isn't this supposed to be fun? Jesus. You should direct some porn out.

That's so sweet. All right, let's see some smiles. We're having fun here. We're having fun. We're at love. We're connecting. This is sex, remember? Not like a business meeting.

Like an angry business meeting. That's so nice. Now, I know what you're all asking yourself. Why is the penis shaped the way that it is? Yeah. Every day I think that. Every day. I also think that.

According to Jesse Bering's book, why is the penis shaped like that? I wonder if there'll be an answer in here. 800 pages of nothing. What was that? What was that? What's that? Just checking the shape.

Well, how. Gary's shape. So how did nature equip men to solve the adaptive problem? This is a big block of. text, but how did nature equip men to solve the adaptive problem of other men impregnating their sexual partners? The answer, according to this researcher Gallup, is that their penises were sculpted in such a way that the organ would effectively displace the semen of competitors from their partner's vagina, a well-synchronized effect that's facilitated by the up-suck of thrusting

during intercourse. Oh no. Specifically, the coronal ridge, which is, I guess, is kind of like the, I guess, that mushroom shape. The bell end. Yeah, the bell end. The coronal ridge offers a special removal service

by expunging foreign sperm. According to this analysis, the effect of thrusting would be to draw other men's sperm away from the cervix and back around the glands, thus scooping out the semen depotting. posited by a sexual rival. This theory also explains why women have multiple orgasms, but men don't.

To make sure that a man does not displace his own ejaculated semen, nature has him take a break between sessions, right? Between upsucks. Up suck is a pretty horrible world. Oh, I hate it. Upsuck. Never heard that turn. No. Love it.

Fascinated by it. Upsuck. Oh, it's making me clenched. Sounds like a sort of an Eastern European last name. You know. Yeah. Gregory Upsuck. Yeah.

Uri Uri Upsuk. Gregor. Champion white lifto. So you probably notice the refractory, the refractory period immediately following ejaculation during which males almost instantly lose their erection. It deflates to half its full size within the battle of it. Yeah. Their penises would be...

Yeah. Fizzles out. Like a balloon? Like a blue flies across the room. Smashing against the wall, leaving these wet marks. Oh. Oh, not again.

They're probably... We've got an inspection tomorrow. Odds are there are some virgins listening in who are getting a real lesson today. That does happen. Yeah. The deflation. Yep.

That's pretty full of up. That'll take you by surprise the first couple of times. Yeah. But after a while, I'm going to enjoy. So according to these research... Enjoy the deflates. Yeah, it's the best part.

That's what I like. That's a job well done. Sometimes I just stay deflated for days on end, and I just get more pleasure than from that than I would from any kind of intercourse. Yeah, that's tantric sex, right? Yeah. Well, it's tantric nonsense. That's why it's called sting, because he deflates what of...

So apparently, these, according to the researchers, these post-ejaculatory features In addition to the common sedation effect of orgasm may be adaptations to the problem of self-semen displacement, meaning that the odds of removing your own sperm are reduced considerably when your penis is sore or flaccid, and while you're soundly asleep. So, sore, deflated and sore. It shouldn't be sore. It means you've done a good job. Deflated and sore.

There's all those sparks. Yeah, that's right. Should it be sore? That feels wrong. I don't have one. I don't know. Who knows? Yeah.

I mean, look, I think, I think... Who knows? It's sore if you start shooting gravel. Yeah, oh, that's sore. Look, I've never been to a sex party. I want to, yeah, but despite the fact that I mentioned that story, that's not the kind of circles that I... Oh, that wasn't like, so my friend. No, that wasn't.

That wasn't at all related to that guy who had that trapdoor in the floor when you shared a house. No, that wasn't that guy, no. I was in the trapdoor. Another room. Oh, God. I mean, you could go and hook up. I don't know. No, it wasn't that.

So. Definitely sounds like it was a man. His name was absolutely Gary. So look, I'll just go on to my last part that I have. I don't know if I've gone for too short of a while. No, I've enjoyed every moment. This is of a good length. Yeah, great.

If you're feeling insecure about it, this is a fine length. This is pretty. It's a pretty average. If you're feeling sore and flaccid, deflated even. Yeah, if you're feeling deflated, you've done a good job. That's what I've learned today. Yeah. Also, these same researchers, this isn't my last bit, this is my second last bit,

but they've also found that after a couple spent time apart, they've noticed that couples have more vigorous sex, possibly, because the men are subconsciously trying to displace any competitor's semen. Anyway. So, I mean, that changes. Is that subconscious? that's front of mind for dying baby I missed you

now let's get to work yeah let's let's I got a couple hours up sucking let's get to work so now you you might be asking yourself why with men being so

hideous hideous psychologically like you've just heard and hideous in general and with a peonies with such weird gross things to look at you know peony's being such weird gross things to look at

you might ask yourself why there would be still such a percentage of people in the world who are keen for peen that is the question that is Bob been wondering then why the answer may be because semen has an

antidepressant effect really right so this there's some research that found that well maybe you're familiar with the McClintock effect, which is the observation that when groups of reproduction age women lived or worked together over time, their menstrual cycles tend to become synchronized. Well, some researchers from the State University of New York, they were puzzled to discover that lesbians show no McClintock effect.

What? So, well, they realized that the only difference between lesbians and heterosexual women is that the latter are exposed to semen. So they speculated that maybe. And so I think all of these things are not never 100%. But this is what they're speculated that maybe semen chemistry has something to do with the McClintock effect. But if that were true, the vagina would have to absorb compounds

and semen that affected the women's pheromones. So semen is best known for what's not absorbed by the vagina, the sperm, which swim on the fallopian tubes. But sperm comprises only about 3% of semen. The rest is seminal fluid, which comes from the... And gravel. From the plant gravel, obviously, some dirt and gravel. But I think seminal fluid mostly comes from the prostate.

But it's mostly water, but it also has about 50 compounds. Sugar to nourish the sperm. Immunosuppressants to keep the women's immune system from destroying the sperm. And oddly, two female sex hormones. You have that in your sperm, which is a bit pussy, isn't it? That's some pretty girly spam, you got. But it also has many mood-elevating compounds. Endorphins, estrone, prolactin, oxytocin,

thyrotropin, and releasing hormone, and serotonin. So vaginal tissue is very absorptive. It's richly endowed with blood and lymph vessels, given vaginal absorptiveness and all the mood-elevating compounds found in simsortative. Researchers wondered if semen exposure might be associated with better mood and less depression. They surveyed, and this is only like 300 college women, so it's not the hugest thing about intercourse with and without condoms, and then gave the women the Beck Depression inventory a standard test of mood. Compared with women who always are usually used condoms, those who never did, whose vaginas were exposed to semen,

showed significantly significantly better mood, fewer depressive symptoms, and fewer bouts of depression. Who's this scientist? Who's this scientist? He's that, nah, come on, baby.

It's better we don't need a condom. This would be better for your mood. This is in no way. Having a kid when you don't need one is not going to lift your mood. No. I want that that's important. Or getting an STI.

Or getting an STI. And so I apologize if it makes it sound, I'm not trying to. Are you trying to get everyone to get rid of... What are you in the anti-condom industry? No, no. Is that an industry? I was just...

I had to find a way why people would be keen for paint. Right. You've come to the wrong podcast, Mr. We are a safe sex pod. Hey, if you're gonna... What's the rhyme? There's so many other... If you're gonna something, wrap your pecker.

Oh, don't be a full, wrap your tool. Don't be full, yeah. If you're gonna... But no contraption is 100. 100% safe. The only thing is 100% safe is not having sex at all. No, no, it's the rhythm method. Sorry. Sorry, I would use that. As a spokesperson for God, I would like to say I agree with that. So look, God also endorses pulling out. Yes, that's right. We have a few Christian listeners, and I hope they're enjoying the blasphemy today. Yeah, great. And I...

Al, are you blasphemy or are you being genuine here? God wants me to say that I'm being genuine So yeah So it was just I just thought that that was an interesting That is interesting That's yeah It needs a bigger sample size It does need a bigger sample size

You're absolutely correct 300 people's not enough Wait what are you suggesting A bigger study Yeah okay Okay I think more people need to Raw Dogget it for science

Raw dog. Oh wow. Raw dog for science. Raw dog for science. Take it to the streets. All these nerds in white coats out there going, hey, baby, let's do it for science, huh? I'm going to go off the back. I'm going to go and hijack these extinction rebellion protests and be like, but also raw dog for science.

Yeah. Trust me, you'll be happier. That's true. With no raw dog and we will go extinct. if you think about it. That's true, which actually would be great for the planet. It would be great for the other animals. Yeah, we're the real problem on the planet.

Yeah. That is essentially the end of my history of the penis. Oh, Alistair. Wow. I'm so sorry you had to ruin your search history for us. But I'm so thankful that you did it because that has been sitting in the bank for us for a long time. I've probably over three years in the sperm bank. bank for me.

For Gary. For Gary. Can I ask, how many, have you seen lots of dicks researching this? Did you see lots of images or was it mainly just articles? A lot more animal dicks than. Right. And let me just ask this. Who's got, I don't know what animal's got the best dick.

The best. The best. The best. Out. Scientifically. Man. Yeah. Yeah, we do. Yeah, we do.

Any specific man or? Any specific men? Gary. Gary's got my best dance! Gary! It's so good. Good for Gary. It's so good.

Wow. Al, thank you so much. Thank you so much. We do appreciate it. I did learn a lot about Dix. Yeah. And science. And at the end of the hour, I'm still keen for Paine. Yeah.

I'm less keen. I'll be honest, I'm less keen. I'm a bit ashamed I don't have a bone now. What? I think we had a bone. Oh, okay. You mean a bone. But what happens?

By the end of the point, you should have a bone now. I'm like, duh. You shouldn't. You're at work. You're in a no-bone zone. Do you think if you had a bone, you'd have to constantly keep your peen tucked. Gary would have to keep his peen tucked under his sort of belt. Yeah.

His like sort of waistline. Or do you think it would just be more acceptable to sort of... Just have your bone out. So wait. Oh, yeah, right. So animals just always have a boner. Yeah, but I think maybe they're also the difference of zone is big. Yeah.

Yeah. Gary. Gary. Gary. Gary, Gary. Raw dog for science. More dog for science. Yeah.

Guys, come on, come on. It's the science. I do just about anything for science. Can we get a petition on change.org? To raw dog for science? If we get a million signatures, they'll have to note. The government will have to vote on it if we get 10,000 signatures. Raw dog for science.

We want the Prime Minister to raw dog for science. No, we don't want him to No, thank you Well, that brings us to A couple of our favourite parts of the podcast Oh yes The first being Matt's favourite segment

Oh, only mine I'm pretty sure this is everyone's favourite It's everyone's favourite It's everyone's favourite I was just patting to give you a little more time Because you looked like you were trying to find it It is the fact quote or questions section of the show

Al, did you know that people support the show on Patreon I've recently heard that And I was not surprised because this is a valuable show that adds value to people's lives. Thank you so much. People would know, listeners would know that Al was on this section of the show only about three, four weeks ago when we did the Oneida episode. Yeah, you're a Patreon fan favorite. I don't know if that's true, but thank you for saying. It's true.

You shut up. You stop being so smart. Come on, man. Do you have a discord? Yep. Yeah. Do I appear in there a lot? My name show up there.

Yeah, for sure. Yeah. What's a Discord? Quill-up question? No, we don't have, should we have one of them? No one's ever... Someone asked us to do a TikTok recently. Adorable.

I signed up for my own one just to test the waters, and I haven't quite got my head around it yet. Just got a sing a song. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, go on. Love that. I mean, you guys could do sort of three-part harmonies, various songs where you say do go on. Anyway, this week's fact quote or question.

Which is one of our Patreon supporters, of course. Yes, so if you want to support the show on Patreon and go to patreon. And go to Patreon. And you can get all sorts of rewards, including getting into the exclusive Facebook group. You get bonus episodes on certain levels. Two every month, baby.

And on this level, the Sydney-Shaunberg... Deluxe package, rest in peace, memorial. You get to give us a factor quote or a question. This week, Drew Paisner has given us a fact. But he's also, another thing you have to do is give yourself a title. He's given himself the title, official sixth Beatle and fifth member of the pod. Oh, that's a huge thing to give yourself. The sixth fetal, there you go.

Who's the fourth member of the pod? Nick Mason. Of course. He would probably argue he's the first member of the pod. Yeah. Well, you know, he's got a lot of fans who would argue vehemently with him. So it would be hard for you to even hold on to your part. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is Nick Mason's part. Yeah, you're right. He says it's a non-canonical if he's not on it. Non-canonical is fun to say also. Have a go. I love that. Non-canonical Nick Mason. It was fun.

Yeah. So Drew writes, hey do-go honors. It's Drew coming at you again with a few much shorter Spider-Man facts. That's right, because Drew's last. The last fact quote or question was... Was it the James Bond? The James Bond essay. It was more like a mini report.

It's about three pages. I put it on our YouTube channel if you go to YouTube.com slash to go on pod. You can see me read it out in full. But he's given us five Spider-Man facts. I like it. It is fact quote or question. And we said last time, your fact was too long.

So he's changed it to just five short facts. Okay. So here are five... How short? sentences? Sentences. All right. Number one, he's come a long way.

Yeah, he's really taken feedback, and we appreciate that. Number one, Spider-Man was the first teenage superhero not to be a sidekick to an adult. Okay, like Robin was a teenager, wasn't he? Batman and Robin? Was he at some point? I could be wrong. I don't know anything. Yeah, that makes sense.

And do you want to give it a fun rating? Out of what? Out of fun or not? I'm going to give that... Two funds. Two funds. Two funds. Number two, Spider-Man's most famous alternate costume, his black suit,

was designed by a 22-year-old fan, Randy Shuler, and purchased by Marvel for only $220 in 1982. Oh, that's not enough money. Back then, you know, you bring that up to current dollars, that's like $5,000. What a weird thing to have happened anyway? A fan designed a black suit and they bought it off him. I'm going to give that two funds.

I mean, surely people thought about putting it in a different colour. Yeah, well, not until 1982, and Randy Shuler came along. Fact number three, Spider-Man is weak to the pesticide ethel chloride. What does that mean? Oh, it's like he's kryptonite, maybe. Oh, is it roundup? Because I think we're all... Yeah, I don't think any of us do well as roundup.

We're all weak to that now. Yeah, he was just first under it, I guess. Fact number four. Dude, was that... How many funds is that? One fun. One fun. Number four, Spider-Man is former US president.

Barack Obama's favorite Spider-Man. Hey, what? Spider-Man is Obama's favorite Spider-Man. Spider-hero. Spider-hero. Superhero. Also, of all the Spider-heroes out there, Barack Obama, I'd like to say. My favorite.

That's why he was controversial in some fields. Yeah. I'm going to give that one. Like to see. My favorite spider hero. But you're man He says it's also Not Spider-Born

It's also Drew Paisner's favorite Super Hero And finally number five We can tell based on the facts you have It's three funds Was that three funds How many? That one?

Yeah Obama says one One fun One fun And finally number five Volume one of the Amazing Spider-Man Lasted 700 issues And almost 50 years

From 1963 to 2012 Fifty years Holy moly That's three funds Why stop? Wow Yeah, why stop? I guess I ran out of juice, I guess.

He died. Well, they need to get the pain bone. Oh, yeah. Despite a sudden, keep your urethrope. And that brings us, thank you so much, Drew Pais. Thanks, Drew. Appreciate that, appreciate you. And since Elle has pointed out that all fun facts are untrue, sadly, I don't believe anything anymore.

But thank you nonetheless. And that brings us to the time. We like to thank a few of our other patrons. These are usually people who've been on there for a little while as we work our way through the list. And Jess normally gives us some sort of a game to play. What is it today? Are we going to name their peonies? Peanies?

Could we say, I don't want to step on in your toast. Please, no, please. They're not keen for peen, they're keen for something else. Great, that's nicer. Does they have to rhyme with peen? I reckon. All right. We'll run out, but it'll be fun.

Yeah, it has to be keen. Would you mind if I kick it off? Please. from Western Supermare and Somerset, Great Britain. Oh, we cannot wait to get close to Somerset. Somerset, Dave. Somerset. Somerset.

Jay Blunt. Jay Blunt. J-A-I-E. Can I say J? J-Bunt. J-Bunt. You think it's James Blunt's Neat-O-N-F-U?

Sibling. What is J-B-E-P-E-E-T-E-E-E-E-T-E. What is J-I-K-K-E-E-T-E. Helping them Unless they are also a teen And then it's okay Like Spider-Man And Robin

Yeah Wow, Jai or Jai Thanks Jai J-Blunt Appreciate your support over in Somerset And your support of teens Yeah that's right Teens appreciate you Thank you

And I'd also love to thank From the great state of Indiana In the United States of America Oh probably definitely in the top three of that state Lindsay Wallace Lindsay Wallace Keene for

Orbejean Oh Wow I would have I wouldn't think we're going to have to break out Orbijain till later You've gone straight there And Obergene is a metaphor for peen Yeah

I think that's why it was on my brain Is it Orbegin, what do they call it Orbanian in America Or wait Because it's nearly egg plant everywhere I think Yeah In America

In France they definitely call it Obergene Orbanjean, those wily French. Yeah. Maybe. And now, now in Indianapolis, they say that Lindsay Wallace is key for Obargeen. Don't you speak French? We.

How often does that come up for you? How often is that helpful? Do I speak French? Yeah. It comes up so infrequently that I've been losing it over the 20 years I've been here. Yeah. And now I don't see a point teaching it to my son. Sure.

Which everybody finds very offensive. Yeah. Offensive. Like they find it, they're like, I would have loved to have learned a language when I was small. Yeah, but you wouldn't have to try and... Offense is a weird thing for them to go with. It offends people's constitution.

Do you mind if you guys keep going while I have a piss? Sure. Out of my... Oh, you cloaca? Cloaca, thank you. Clean it out. Out of Gary's. You have drunk nearly a liter of water in this.

Well, actually, I started with half one, so I, yeah. I didn't think that through. I'm trying to drink three later as a day. Off you go. We'll take it from here. I'll thank a couple of peeps with that's all right. I would like to thank from Canberra, the Australian Capital Territory here in Australia. I would like to, obviously, sorry.

I would like to thank Emily Mills. Emily Mills. Emily Mills and Emily Mills, Jess. Keene for Sheen. Oh, Charlie, Michael. Mr. Martin. Martin. Keene for Martin, Sheen.

The Superior Sheen. Or Emilio. Oh, Emilio Sheen. Well, he is a Sheen. Yeah, is he really him, Emilio? Is that also part of the stage name? Could be part. Could be part.

But I think, you know, they've got like a South American color. Or is Sheen the stage name. Sheen's the stage name. Yeah, so that's, you're right. So Martin took Sheen as a stage name, and then Charlie took his dad's stage name as his stage name. And then Mr. Sheen. Where does he fit in this?

Unrelated. Oh, what a coincidence. He's just a guy from Arboranian. Ireland. Yeah. Oh, Mr. She. Well, thank you so much, Emily Mills. We appreciate your support.

I'd also like to thank from Lexington in K.Y. Are we looking at Kansas there? I can hear Matt pissing. Oh, man. Are we picking that up on the mic? Hope so. No, but I don't have my headphones on so I can hear it. He'll hate that.

Oh, right. That's why you can hear it so loud. Lexington, K.Y. Oh, that's got to be Kentucky, of course. Of course. You idiot. Of course. Oh, an idiot.

So sorry. So sorry. to Perry Ritter from Lexington, Kentucky and Al Perry Ritter, Keen for Zines. Oh, yes. Love making zines, I was reading zines.

Yeah, and magazines as well. Oh, I see. Zines, which is short for magazine. Gotcha. We just thanked a couple of legends, Matt, and we could hear you pissing from in here. That's, no, it's actually

writing outside. Just what you think? Sure. It would have just stopped. Yeah. God. It's heavy for about eight to nine seconds there. Can I thank some people as well?

Please. I would love to thank. From Rochester, New York. Wow. Christopher J. Ford. Oh, I love it in the middle initial. Yeah. Keene Ford, Doreen.

That's my aunt's name. Wow. Keeping into the family. Tell us a bit about Doreen. Why is he so keen on her? Um, she's a nice lady. Okay. Where she lives?

Two daughters, Montreal. Oh, nice. Too far away. Montreal from New York State, pretty close? Um, yeah, you know, you could get there in two hours. Two hours? Yeah, less, maybe. That's great.

Well, that works out very well. Well, it's so great a baby. We're talking on a plane, right? Right? Talking on a plane. We're talking driving. New York State? It's just over the border.

Oh, sorry, I thought you said New York City. Sorry. Well, I did not. It's Rochester. I don't know where that is. but it's in, well, I do know where it is. It's in New York State. I'm so sorry.

Is that near Ithaca? Albany? No, it's pronounced Jessica. Oh, Jessica. Sorry. Ithaca. Cute. Can I thank someone else?

Please. Thank you so much. I would love to thank from Balcata in Western Australia. Delaney Brockett. Whoa. Hold the phone, Delaney. Delaney Brocket is keen for more. Maureen.

Oh, wow. Wow. Delaney Brockett, that is. Top notch. Delaney, brocket. What about Maureen? Yeah, sorry, Maureen's a beautiful name. Maureen's top notch.

I can see Wade be keen. I can see Wade be keen. She's lovely. Where's Maureen live? Ballarat. Yeah? Yep, about an hour and a half from here. Is that far from New York State?

Pretty far. Pretty far. But, I mean, Delaney is in Western Australia, so still within the same country, I guess. That's true. But pretty far and pretty far. far from Ballarat. Yeah. You'd have to fly like,

you'd have to get to Perth, fly to Melbourne, and then drive. It's a hassle, but, you know, something you're keen for. You bloody,

you make that if you know. You might be able to get a direct flight to Ballarat. Oh, I don't know about that. Hey, Al, would you like to thank some people as well?

What have we had so far? So it was Auburzaine, there were teens. Zanes. Zanes. That was Doreen, Moraine. And sheen.

And Shane, and Shane. And Shane. Kane for shame. Yeah. Charlie? Oh, I just got one, which I can't believe we haven't said. Oh, wow.

We can use it. So if you don't mind thanking a couple of people, I've got them here for you on my phone. Matt just needs to move his cursor so you can actually read. Yeah, great. It's Vanessa Hackett from Long Beach, California. And Vanessa is keen for Queen. Ah, of course. Dun dun.

Dun, dun. Dun dun, Dun, then. Don't it in a four. It's the queen as the queen. As the queen. Fuck, he's good. Wow, there's one more there as well.

It works on two levels. It's very good. Thank you, Vanessa. And obviously we'd love to thank Callum Neville from Beelier, Western Australia. Okay, Callum. Thank you, Callum. Keen for LeBean Boy.

Game for LeBean boys. Follow me on Twitter, guys. Keen for LeBeen. I'm posting a few feathers of me eating lebeens lately. You can get on there. And Callum Neville. I'm sure you're on there.

Yeah. Appreciating the beans. Thank you so much for your support. And Al, thank you for being here and thanking these beautiful people as well. You guys have thanked me enough. I have not thanked you enough. Thank you, Jessica.

Oh, thank you. Thank you, Matthew. Oh, thank you so much. Thank you, David. Thank you. That became religious at the end for me. Yeah. Thank you David.

Yeah. And he said, Bob. King David. Damn right. Big player in the Bible. Yeah. I remember being told at a very young age that the name David appears more than

the name Jesus. Wow. Whoa. Never fact checked it. Probably untrue. Fun fact, probably untrue. Almost certainly untrue. My parents just giving me a bit of an ego.

And it worked. Yeah. You're more important than Jesus, they said. Well, apparently Matthew means a gift from God. So, okay, maybe we're, We're all got something pretty cool. So is Jessica. Yeah, right.

Alster means Conqueror World, I think. I think it's just a Celtic version of Alexander and that means Concord. Right. I didn't know that. Alice there and then Alistair is something entirely different. Yeah, that's entirely different. It's like a weak little bitch or something. Yeah, God who gets eaten by bear.

Yeah. So, lucky. Few, man. Dodge the bearlet. Well, that brings us to the end of the bloody episode. I can't believe we've done it. We finally got Cane for Pain. We did it.

Absolutely. Thank you so much, Al. And can we just say before we go that the journey doesn't stop here? Because Al, we can listen to your beautiful voice as well as Andy Matthew's beautiful voice every week on your fantastic podcast, Two in the Think Tank. Yes. Tell us about that fantastic show. Well, it sounds like nothing because we just come up with five sketch ideas, right? Comedy sketches.

But it turns out that journey can be very fun. And along the way, you talk about. life and you discover each other and and and and and coaccas and you and you talk about cloacas and you discover how they're a better idea uh but generally it's it's been going good and you've recently a lot a lot of you guys have appeared on there yeah all of you guys you got the big three and recently did the was it about 20 hours it was a 200th episode and it ended up taking us almost 17 hours my god just appears on that meso uh mr sunday They all appear on the 200th episode

If you are game to do the 17 hours of listening That's for respect Al yelled good luck ever pleasing a man at me And I was on in only like their fourth hour or something And he'd already got to that Yeah So check that out Was that what was that?

Was that pain spine related or? No Just hatred No I can't remember I was even related to milk or something like that It was out of nowhere, and that's what made it even more fun. She doesn't drink milk or something. Good luck ever pleasing a man.

All right. That does bring us down. So it's two in the think tank, a fantastic show. You got anything else you'd like to tell the good people about Al? You can always check out shush your guided meditation. Oh, yes, of course. I feel like when I played, I think I picked the wrong episode to put on your podcast. Yeah, we put one in the feed.

We did it. Do Go on Presents, which is in our feed. If you want to get back through, that's an easy way to find it. I should have gone with the dog sandwich one where I just kind of, it's a guided meditation where I talk about, I want you to think about the words dog sandwich. What do you see when I say dog sandwich? I'm imagining a dog with sandwich. I'm picturing a dog in between two slices.

Me too. I went with the mats to it. Well, see, I, or maybe you're picturing like a dog and then a smaller dog and then another dog. God, that's good. Yeah, that's good, too. So this is the kind of imagery you get it. You do have a beautiful soothing voice. So it's a comedy meditation guy, but it's also people.

People use it to genuinely either relax or meditate. Or shush them to sleep. Shush them to sleep. Yeah. If you struggle to sleep, yeah. It's got me to sleep a few times. It's a break from the real world. I just did a, I should have used it yesterday.

I just did a sleep study. And at the hospital. Yeah. I was in there about 24 hours. The first night is just like sleep as long as you can and then they put the wires on you. And then the daytime, they go, all right, stay awake for an hour and a half. Then we'll come in, turn out the light. and monitor you while you try and sleep for 20 minutes.

And then we'll wake, we'll turn the lights on, an hour and a half, 20 minutes trying to sleep, then an hour and a half. And it was just over, the rest of the day was like that. You're just trying to have naps. Yeah, basically just trying to have naps, but under some pressure of science. Could you nap for the 20 minutes or no? Apparently I napped in half of the attempts. I fell asleep, they told me.

And I didn't think I did. I'm like, I can't, I'm not sure if I did or not. Yeah, that's when you did. And then they're like, yeah, you've slept in half the times. I'm like, oh, because it normally takes me 20 minutes of sleep. But it was interesting, there's like a camera. You can see the camera that's watching you. And then there's an intercom and they're like, all right, now I'll close your eyes.

Oh, I hate that. And if you feel like sleeping, don't fight it. Okay, I know what I'm here for. Please stop telling me what to do. But I was allowed to listen to a podcast. And I listened to, I found, I didn't listen to Shush, how stupid. It's okay. I would have gotten my head too much.

I would have anything like, I wonder what Al's up to. No, no, no. The podcast doesn't put you in your head. It really takes you out of your head. No, I'm just trying. That's true. Okay. Well, I fucked up.

I should say, I use Shusha and it worked a trade. I got to sleep even under scientific circumstances. A hundred percent of the time. When you don't use it, you only sleep half of the time. That's right. You would have slept every time if you listen to Al. Yeah. That's true.

Trick. All right, Al, thank you so much for joining us. If you want to get in contact with us about this show, you can go to do go onpod.com and follow the links to our Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, which is all that, do go on pod. We're always posting different bits and pieces up there. And also our YouTube channel is now up, nearly up to date. So YouTube.com slash do go on pod for that one. Yes. We've got an email, do go on pod at gmail.com.

And we're on all the mediums. And follow all of our individual things as well. Yeah, that's right. All those links will be there in the description. Yeah, we all post different jokes on Twitter and Instagram. Pretty different jokes. No, I'm very sincere. Yeah, people respond to me like I'm being sincere, but...

Anyway. And I think I'm replying to people when I'm actually tweeting to all of my followers. That was weird. Yeah, that was embarrassing. I felt like the only person who didn't see it was the guy I was trying to interact with. Sorry about that. Have you tweeted me about Nathaniel Hawthorne, the author of the Scarlet Letter? I did try and write back.

I did. You were a hundred years old. You didn't just copy and paste to another. You're like, well, I'm fired by one shot at this. I just thought it was funny if he came across it. All these people riding back being like, are you okay? That's nice. Thanks, everyone.

So we'll be back next week with another episode, which will be our, is next week our... Two-on-ninth, I think. But what about for the block order? Oh, that would be our second last block. Second last. Second most requested topic will be coming next week. I think it might even be our most requested topic next week and then a little bonus block in the last week. Well, let's discuss the order, but something like that. Anyway, we've got two sizzling topics to come up.

But Al, we're keen to have you back some time. But until then, thank you so much. This has meant everything to me. Thank you so much. And this is officially the end of the universe. Who cares? From now on, it's all just the bonus. We did it.

Bonus. Appropriate. Keen for bonus. All right, thank you so much And until next week I'll say goodbye Later Bye This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network

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