Two In The Think Tank - 218 - Operation Mincemeat

Episode Date: December 25, 2019

During WW2 a body washes up on a beach with some top secret documents on it... but how did that body get there? It's a story with the greatest codename ever... Operation MincemeatBuy tickets to our live shows here: https://dogoonpod.com/events/Our website: dogoonpod.comSupport the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everybody, Jess and Dave, just jumping in really quickly at the top here to make sure that you are across all the details for our upcoming Christmas show. That's right, we are doing a live show in Melbourne Saturday December the 2nd, 2023, our final podcast of the year, our Christmas special. It's downstairs at Morris House, which usually be called the European beer cafe. On Saturday December the 2nd, 2023 at 4.30pm, come along, come one, come all, and get tickets at dogoonpod.com. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now.

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from our great mates. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On! My name is Dave Wanuki and I'm sitting here with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart. Yeah, Jess Perkins first! Oh, must be back around on the other side of the rotation. Exactly, I've done the maths, carried the millions of ones, which is one million, and we are back around. It's going to be even from now on. Well, I think technically that would be million of ones, so.

Wow. All right, well, it's going to be just first from forever now. For that correction, he's, I hope, someone got five of that blunder. Great to be here on this, the day where we're recording a couple days in advance, but when this comes out in Australia at least, if you're listing hot off the presses, it is Christmas day. Oh Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. As we like to say. There's a Christmas tree in our studio now. Lovely. Is that a permanent edition, man? Ah, yes. That'll be here year-round.

But we'll take the Christmas decorations off it and it will just be decorated for different times. It's just the podcast studio tree. Well we have a new door garden. Yeah. Then it will be the Boxing Day sales tree. Yeah Australia day tree. Yeah. You know the list goes on. Tree of life. Tree of life. Tree day tree. It's probably a tree day. I had definitely had that in a share house. The Christmas tree was up until at least March. Great. Probably longer actually. Yeah. So we took the decorations off so it was just an indoor tree. But you would excitedly put it up together and then you're like, well, I'm not going to take it down. Putting up it is the fun part. Yeah, taking down is sad. Putting up so many things. Thank you, yeah. Sorry, a little Shakespearean there.

I love to put it up it. Putting up so many things. Thank you, yeah. Sorry, a little Shakespearean there. I love to put it up. Put up it. Most people listening probably will, they probably have just done Christmas and listening later. So to you, I say, happy boxing day. Sales.

Happy New Year's. Eve. Happy New Year's day. And happy 2020. And happy trade-o. Happy trade- happy 2020 Happy trade-day Happy trade-day Happy trade-day He's a comes around so quickly doesn't it? The big day in Lebanon

Oh yeah, trade-day They love the trade, they put on the flag Put on the bloody flag I love it so much Was that a flag joke? Was that a joke? A little flag joke Yeah, it was, but what a happy coincidence

It would have been otherwise. So don't worry, I was with you there, I was with you. I knew you did on purpose. I'm just impressed because I don't know flags. You don't know you're Lebanese flags, everybody. I don't know. Other flags. Name any country. One other country man. Osberg. What did you say name it? Let us. Osberg. What did you say, Namin, let us? Osberg? He's done it again.

Well, it is great to be back. This is our first proper studio episode for a little while. Is it the first since we've been back from the UK and Ireland? Yes. That's right. Now, the first one we've recorded back in Australia, we've been back for a bit over a week now. We should also say, first one since we're back from UK, Ireland and Scotland, just in case

people are listening in the future after the vote. Yeah, it's your point. They are gearing up for that. At the time we were recording. Okay, so we're living back for just over a week? Just over a week. Yeah, how are we feeling? How's the jet lag? Are you done? Are you sorted? I think I'm really good because I went pretty much straight to a music festival.

Yeah. I had a sleep about five hours sleep. I went to a music festival. My favorite marath. It's happiest on the year. I can't even. And it's a camping festival. See, they're roughening an attempt for a couple of nights. Okay, a couple of mistakes I made. No cap for the Lilo. Okay. So was it just a piece of plastic on the ground? So I ended up sleeping on the ground. Yeah, flat plastic on the ground. Lilo, is that universal? It's a bomb, Matt.

Air bed. And then what else did I, I forgot that and one other, oh, the other one didn't matter. I brought a pump that was plugged into the wall. So I mean, it, we're looking around. I didn't have a wall. We're looking around the field for a wall. Excuse me, what's the wall? I didn't have the wall. So I mean, we're looking around it. I didn't have a wall. We're looking around the field for a wall.

Excuse me, what's the wall? I didn't have a wall. I realized that first, and I'm like, great. Can't blow it up, and then realize, oh, even if I could, I couldn't keep the air in. So you slept on the floor on the ground? Yeah, on the floor. It's what they call the catac.

The outside ground. The outside floor. So you sleep terrible? Let's be honest. I know that I slept okay, but I think it got, because I was so stimulated during the day with music and everything, it got me through the day and I was getting asleep, you know, around midnight

and I got home back on the sleep cycle. Nice. Yeah, so it actually worked out pretty well. So, that's your tip for people is to come back, go to a music festival, sleep on the ground. Yes. And then you'll be right. Exactly.

Because I did not do that. And I struggled for the first few hours. You probably did you have air in your bed? Yeah. That's a big no-no. Too much air. It's like, Kramer, when he gave Alaina Massa, and then she slept on her bed.

And she's like, my back, it's killing me. Kramer's like, what did you sleep on a plank of wood? And they're not even say that. Well, obviously, your back's gonna hurt now. We were on the way for two weeks and in that time, I was no longer used to my bed. I had to get used to my bed all over again. Why didn't you get a brand new bed?

Yes, I was still getting used to it. Okay. And I was like, ah, this is, I don't like it. Ah, you got a puff. So my reason I thought you came home to a brand new bed. And you just lost your mind. Like it's so weird, my bed feels really different.

Anyway, I was waking up at 5am for a few days, but now I'm normal. Normal, well, as normal as she can be. Not just normal. Yeah, I'm just normal. So a bit coo-key. Anyway, so it's very nice to be back in the studio now with Christmas tree. And I thought I'd do a report.

What do you reckon? I'd love to hear. I'm happy to be so good. Should we explain first how the show works? I could do that really quickly. Great, go for it. Between the Thrayvus, three obvious friends and comedians, we each take it in turns, fuck of already said too many words. To pick a topic, usually suggested by a listener, we research that topic and then tell it to the other

two people who don't know what the topic is and we normally get on to that topic with a question, then the other two people are a bit annoying, especially to people who are listening just to hear the story. Yeah. That's me and Matt, this question is very annoying. Well, because this would be my final report that I'd be writing for the year, I put it to the Patreon's with a bunch of second chances. So topics that had been voted on previously, but hadn't won the vote, and they, it was still a pretty tight race, but they have...

It all came second again. I was like, God damn it! So my question for you is, which World War II mission was an unofficial influence for the 1989 film Weekend at Bernice? Wait, what? Wow, I can't... Alright, let's go back to the top.

World War II mission. Okay. Weekend of Bernice. Right. So someone about a denk. You got to pretend someone's still alive? Yeah. Wait, how long did the war go on for after Hitler killed himself?

Was there some sort of a weekend at this time? He's been at it for four years. The Nazis like. We can still hold onto this. It's important we have our leader. I wrote this question 10 minutes ago while you guys were chatting. Did you not see me chuckling to myself for a bit? Yeah, but that's very normal.

That's true, actually. What's the image of another head to pretend someone was still alive? Operation... Dumb O drop. Not Operation Dumb O drop. Weekend at Bernies. Operation weekend at Bernies. Sadly no.

Operation Foppi Joe. It's a, maybe some sort of meat product. Okay. Something you might do to beef. Pork. I'd pork it all out. You can have diced beef, you can have grilled, spliced, rump, barbecue, make it all a little tiny, little bit of meat.

I've heard of this. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So why? What is it? I'll tell you. Oh, so there's some sort of a mincemeat man that's carrying around with a Hawaiian shirt on.

This now I haven't seen Waking the Boon needs to be honest, but I haven't never seen that film. Here we go. What a current reference to that film coming at you. And look, I don't think it was any influence at all, but I just found that pretty funny. Oh, that is funny. That is funny. That is funny stuff.

So this Operation Minutesman, it's been suggested by a bunch of people. Jess Cameron Wands, Riz Azaz, Tom McKenna, Meg Hart, Lynn, and Victor Guillermo D. Manuel. Oh, some fantastic messages. Oh, great. You really ordered that with a big thing. One pretty ordinary one, but I don't know what...

Jess, you were saying Jess was the one. Oh, I was just making a joke. Jess is pretty. There's a pretty ordinary. The name's pretty crap too. Got them all. Got them all. Got all those Jess's.

Got that Jess's. So this is from history.com. It says, in April 1943, a decomposing corpse was discovered floating off the coast of Hula Hula. Fuck, she'll look at that up. That's so shh. You're what, forward, in purple Hula Hula. I have looked at, I've looked at

pronunciations for so many words in this report and didn't do that one. Give me a look at the word, I mean. It's in southern Spain, you speak Spanish, Dave. Wellver. Wellver. Oh, wellver. Wellver in Southern Spain.

Wellver. Sorry, yes, it's not me. Personal documents identified him as Major William Martin of Britain's Royal Marines. And he had a black attaché case changed to his wrist. Did you look up attaché? Yeah, it's just a briefcase, but I left it in there. A Tasha. That's a fun word. It's fun. That's where James Bond and Tasha came in. Yes. And there's a bit

more James Bond stuff in this report too. It's one in Penn. When Nazi intelligence learned of the downed office's briefcase, as well as concerted efforts made by the British to retrieve it, they did all they could to gain access. Though Spain was officially neutral in the conflict, much of its military was pro-German, and the Nazis were able to find an officer in Madrid to help them. In addition to other personal effects and official looking documents, they found a letter from military authorities in London to a senior British officer in Tunisia, indicating that Allied armies were preparing to cross the Mediterranean from their positions in North Africa and attack German-held Greece and Sardinia.

You're going to do a heart. That has been a soft G. Not a heart, not a heart, G, but a soft R. G. This intelligence coup of the Nazi spy network allowed Adolf Hitler to transfer German troops from France to Greece ahead of what is believed to be a massive enemy invasion. The only problem? It was all a hoax.

Oh. So look a long intro there from his true.com, but still. Sets the scene, be your boy. Sets the scene. So three and a half years earlier in September of 1939, the Second World War just begun, and director of naval intelligence, re-enroll, John Godfrey. I mean, you love her. You love her, you love her, you know.

So, yeah, it is so funny. It is so funny. It's like the high-heif's rank and then it's the funniest. It's also the highest form of comedy. The word, the re-readable. Although, I say it on the Simpsons, they're dreaded, a rear-admoral. Yeah, what is some sort of wedgie type thing? Oh, right.

So John Godfrey circulated a memo to the British officers. It was called the Trout memo. Oh, and it got great. And it got great. Who took the trout from the fridge? That was my trout. I was saving it for my sandwich. I think it was more likely.

Trout, send it. Could someone stop cooking trout in the microwave in the office? You're sticking up the whole place. It's so gross. I've heard that from a few different people. There's just the whole office is quietly annoyed by one guy who, yeah, Mark always tryout in the, tryout. Not tryout, but fish.

I remember it like from two or three different offices. And everyone just quietly go on, mate, I wish you just figure it out yourself. I'm not going to tell you, but that's stinking out the place. Yeah, the opposite I work at. There's a fish guy. I'll tell you about that. I am not the fish. Absolutely not. I don't think you should bring fish into a workplace whatsoever unless it is from the fish and chip shop. That's four. So you've, which office are the project? Yeah. Well, name, name. No, it hasn't happened in a while, I reckon.

So maybe someone did say, hey, please stop Markle. Oh, I read the trap memo. Yeah, the trap memo. Well, sadly, this trap memo was not about a trap in the microwave, but it did compare the deception of an enemy in wartime to fly fishing. It reads, the trout fish are cast patiently all day.

He frequently changes his venue and his lures. If he's frightened of fish, he may give the water a rest for half an hour. But his main endeavor is incessant. The memo goes on to describe numerous ways that the enemy, like trout, may be fooled or lewd in. Oh my god, this is the kind of thing where you just get to the orders. You're scanning through it. Oh my God, he's still talking about two. So it's all these metaphors.

He's like, what do you mean? When I care that that's your hobby to read around wrong. Like, we don't need to know that. So it sounds like his mind's elsewhere, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. He's here. Yeah, I'm in front of this war from a river somewhere. The war had just started.

Maybe he didn't realize quite how big it was going to be. Yeah, at that point, I was still calling it a good year. I reckon I could save this year. Yeah. It's going to be fun. Historian Ben McIntyre suggested that although the memo was published under Godfrey's name, it bore all the hallmarks of Godfrey's personal assistant, Lieutenant Commander Ian Fleming. It was famously a flyfisher.

And Ian Fleming. Ian Fleming. Ian Fleming was his. The Ian Fleming. Who was famously a flyfisher. And Ian Fleming. Ian Fleming. Ian Fleming was his. The Ian Fleming? What? The Ian Fleming. Yes. As in Christopher Lee's...

Yes. As often cousin. The old captain of New Zealand cricket team. Yes. Whoa. You think you've stayed in Fleming? Yes. Yeah.

Ian Fleming is in James Bond. Ian Fleming. Yes. Fantastic. We did an episode. Yes. And Flaming is in James Bond, Ian Flaming. Yes. Fantastic. We did an episode on it. Yes. I mean, mention about you last week because he was Christopher Lee's adopted cousin. That's right.

He comes up a bit. He comes up a bit. That's crazy. So he's the assistant to the dreaded rear admiral. Yes. And this, this trout memo sort of feels a lot like his riding. It feels that if this was out today and it got leaked, it would go viral. People would be mocking it.

It'd be talked about on your show, Dave, for sure. A big time. I reckon Peter Halle would make a funny out of it, which I think is really a big part of what you do. That's entirely what he does. Making a new cycle funny. Yeah, you get it. You get my job. I should really just ask you what you do something

Still all these years later the Friday funny. I know your work all week to do that one Friday funny You wouldn't pay the hell you do it's not together Friday funny. He's Monday to Friday except Pete doesn't work on a Friday It's a complicated gig. Yeah, I can't wait for you to me. TV. Maybe in a memo. Yeah, yeah. Can you send me out a memo? So the memo contained a number of suggested schemes for their consideration, for use against the access powers to lure you boats and German surface ships towards minefields. Number 28 on the list was titled, aion in brackets, not a very nice one. What? It was an idea to plant misleading papers on a corpse

that would be found by the enemy. This wasn't a totally new idea. Deliberate planting of fake documents to be found by the enemy has been done before. In fact, it already had a name. It's called the Havasak Rooze. Oh, yes. It had been used by the British and others in the first and second world wars.

Well, I mean, the second world's only just started, but it had been it's used. I reckon we've talked about it in previous reports. Others have used that tactic. Yeah. I think it's real smart, because even if they assassin it, they've still got to think about it, right? Yeah. You're wasting their time one more or the other.

For sure. And maybe they go, we don't need to at least follow this up a little bit. Yeah. And so because it could be a double bluff. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Amazing. So they've definitely used that a lot. In August of 1942, a corpse was placed in a blown up scout car in a minefield facing the German 90th light division. And on the corpse was a map,edly showing the locations of British minefields and the Germans used the map and their tanks were routed to an area of soft sand where they got bogged. Oh shit, that's smart.

Yeah. But there were no mines. So they avoided the mines. Yes. Right? Yep. And you got a positive spin, you need that. Do they?

In a wall. Okay. Guys, we lost every tank, but none of them were exploited. So... I wonder if they could have done it so that they put the mines in inverted places. So you were avoiding them, but you just tried it, you know. I thought you were gonna say that that's exactly what happened, but then sand, it's ingenious. They just got bugged.

They were just stuck. Victimless crime. Yeah, just an annoying, you know, about six hours of digging a tank out. It's really annoying. Why you laugh at him? Ha ha ha. And they're like, we still have guns, idiot. We can still shoot from the tank.

You get, yeah, you mate with a land cruiser. Yeah. It'll pull you out. That's right. Don't worry about it. I gotta show you a video of my brother for driving recently and his car, like completely vertical.

It was, I watched it and thought, wow, my brother and I have different lives. That's fun for him. Schoolmates, I've got to do that regularly and I'll often post videos on Facebook and I'm always like, this kind of looks amazing, but also it just looks tedious. Yeah. You're being you're basically being bogged for fun. Yeah. Remember when I parked that van well in the UK? I was about to say you I don't think you and your brother lead different lives at all and now I've seen you parked that van. Yeah but I told him about it and he went yeah cool. So but he didn't see how tired it was. It was ridiculous.

It was, honestly. Most impressive thing I've ever seen. That van was bigger than any land cruise as well. Yeah, you're right. I did have a vertical or one point, but that was unrelated. That was an accident. Do you see your brother's tiny car? Whatever, mate.

We could all do that in a car. That's your zippy little number. Come on, get a real car. That's what I can troll car. What is it like a troll car? What is that? How many seats has it got? Five? Tab at nine.

Almost double, but not four. Yeah, for three people. It was stupid. We had too much room. Do you before? No, no, no. This type too much. Next year, just right.

The overcomensate is crucial. Anyway, so unrelated, another time in September of 1942, an aircraft flying from Britain to Gibraltar crashed, killing all on board, including paymaster lieutenant James Hadden Turner, who was a courier carrying top secret documents. In amongst his documents, which were genuine, by the way, this wasn't a setup, was a letter from the American Deputy Commander

of the Allied Expeditionary Force, there's lots of big words to the British governor and commander-in-chief in Gibraltar telling him that General Dwight D. Eisenhower, the Supreme Commander, would be arriving on the 3rd of November. So, turn his body washed up on the beach and was recovered by the Spanish authorities and the Spanish, because again they were neutral, they returned the body to the British, and the letter was still on the body, and technicians determined that the letter hadn't been opened. So it was a really close call for the British.

Right. If they'd opened the letter, then they would have known that the big boss was coming on a certain date, and they could have attacked. So, those were unrelated, but it sort of led for a little bit of inspiration, because a month after this plane crash, a British intelligence officer called Charles Chomley came up with his own version of the Traut memo, but he gave it a code name Trojan Horse.

Right, Traut fishing is a lot like Trojan Horse. Also, Chomley spelt C-H-O-L-M-O-N-D-E-L-E-Y. Oh. Chomley. Chomley. And that's not Chomley. I had to look it up. It's Chomley. That's, who, where's he from?

Sounds like a very English thing to do. Yeah, he's using... Like, Lester is really lead-chested or something. Yeah. Wushed to share is more chested shy, uh. Yeah. They, they chop out syllables willy-nilly over there. Yeah. And laugh at you. It's almost like they've set up a little bit of sand for you to get bogged in.

And then they laugh at you. Where operation means me? Yeah. Oh, just a word of the wise out there. Never say Daibu in England. People will laugh at you until they start punching you in the face. Daibu, as opposed to Daibu. Yes, they're very similar sounding words. I can't hear the difference. I was semi joking when I brought up. Did you just laugh at him saying, Debu, because I couldn't work out why they were laughing?

And then they were like, yes. Oh, I was kidding. They were not. Yeah. So Charles Tronley, he came up with Trojan Horse. And this is what he wrote. He said, a body is obtained from one of the London hospitals. The lungs are filled with water

and documents are disposed in an inside pocket. The body is then dropped by a coastal command aircraft on being found. The supposition in the enemy's mind may well be that one of our aircrafts has either been shot or forced down and that this is one of their passengers. So a little bit about Tronley. he was a flight lieutenant in the Royal Air Force and was working with MI5. He was the secretary of the 20 committee and intelligence team in charge of double agents.

They'd originally turned down this idea as they said it had potential but it was unworkable. But the chairman of the committee, a guy called John Masterman. How's that spell? Masterman, she wrote? Masterman. Right. Yeah, it's a masterman's year, but I looked it up and said, the sheer asylum. You fuckers. He's all that there was a connection to the Navy

and this idea. And so he assigned you and Montague as the naval representative to work with Chomley on this plan. Montague had a pretty unique and cool set of skills as well. In peacetime he was a lawyer in King's Council. And during the war had been working under God-free, so in Fleming's boss, running a subdivision naval intelligence which handled counter espionage.

So now we've got two very intelligent men working together. And they had some help, of course. They were assisted by an MI6 representative, major Frank Foley. Does that name ring a bell at all? Frank Foley. So he was sort of helping them examine the practicalities of the plan.

So Frank Foley, just as a side note, he worked as a passport control officer in Berlin, which was a cover for his main duties as the head of the British Secret Intelligence Service, so MS-6. So he's the head. And he's working under cover as a passport control officer. He used his roles, passport control, to bend the rules and help thousands of Jewish families escape Nazi Germany. Some say tens of thousands. He's remembered as a British chindler and has been recognised as British hero of the Holocaust and as a righteous among the nations, which is a big award from non-Jews who helped Jewish

people. That sounds like a report in itself, right? Holy shit. He sounds insane. Yeah, that's what that's obviously amazing. But I'm also still surprised that the head of the intelligence would not be, you know, in England, like, you know, working behind a desktop thing. Maybe timeline wise, I don't know. Maybe earlier. Yeah, but still like, wow. Yeah. What a guy. I promote him. Yeah, but still like wow. Yeah. What a guy. I promote him. Two thousands of thousands and so what is he's part of this mission? Yeah, he's sort of overseeing it and helping them just with the practicalities of the plan.

So they've got this guy helping them with the logistics and they enlisted the help of a pathologist to find out what kind of body they needed and what factors they'd need to take into account to fool a Spanish pathologist when the body was recovered. I got to translate it. Pathologists said blood, are they blood people? They just take your blood. Their pathologies blood, but I don't know now, but back then they would have been the ones doing all the top season stuff. Right. So they got Sir Bernard Spillsbury, who's a very famous... Spillsbury? Yeah, that's been full of great names. The names are incredible.

I'm still like, normally, Chomsbury would be the best of the best, but... Spillsbury. Do these names still exist? I just don't feel like he'd come across them as much. Spillsbury? No. They all sound so English to me. Yeah.

Which, like, I mean, England is a very diverse place, but you know, that sort of old school idea of someone wearing tweed and stuff. Yeah, I'm bad at spills, Bury. Spills, Bury, yep. He was a very famous pathologist and worked at a number of famous murder cases in England, so they consulted him for a bit of help, and he told that they didn't need to worry about filling the lungs with water, because most people who die in air crash often die from shock, not drowning. So don't have to worry about filling their lungs with water. Really?

You die more on the impact of the crash rather than, because I suppose to- I'm playing a big shock like, oh no! I'm shocked! I suppose you probably could in your heart stops. Right. A big enough shock, not like a boo, you know? Yeah. Boo, you're falling from a plane!

Oh god, I was having a sleep! I'm shocked! So yeah, he said- But my hiccups are cured. He also added an interesting point. He said, Spaniards as Roman Catholics were averse to post mortems and did not hold them unless the cause of death was of great importance. So they probably won't check that thoroughly, basically.

So if you just find an English soldier's body, they're not going to be too suss if you cover your bases in other ways. So they don't want too much about it. Wild. So now they're feeling pretty confident So it's a lot of don't worry too much about it, wild. So now they're feeling pretty confident because it's probably gonna work better than they'd originally thought, but finding a body to use was gonna be difficult. Yeah, if you're having someone put their hand up

for something like this would be tough. Yeah. Yeah. All right, I'll do it. They're my lungs. Well, that guy's so confident that no, they won't bother checking. He's like, don't even use a body.

I'll do it. It's me. Yeah. I'll do it. I'll do it. It's me. Yeah, I'll do it. Go ahead and get a couple of pounds of minced meat. And a coconut for a head. They won't check. Honestly, these guys are lazy. Don't worry about it.

It's hot there. It goes to their head. So they need a body. So they spoke to the coroner for the Northern District of London, a guy called Bentley Purchase. That sounds like something that Shuseberry would do on a weekend. One Bentley Purchase, please. So good, Bentley Purchase. So who's Bentley Purchase?

He's a coroner. Oh my god. He's a coroner. Oh my God. He's a coroner for... Purchase. ...northern district of London. And he said, I should think bodies are the only commodities not in short supply at the moment,

but even with bodies all over the place, each one has to be accounted for. So he said he'd look out for a suitable body, someone that didn't have family members claiming them. Couple months later, in January of 1943, Purchase contacted them to say he'd found a corpse that would work for their plan. His name was a Welsh name and I had to look it up. Glindor. Glindor Michael is a Welsh man who'd been living on the streets of London. But it's G-L-Y-N-D-W-R. Cool, Glyndor. That's a great name.

Glyndor. Glyndor Michael. So yeah, he's been like. Michael bit bland, for you honest. A little bit, as a saying. That is so strong. This is a certain end bit of fun. That's true.

You know, George Michael, that's fun. You normally say, this guy's got two first names, but I'm, you know, Glyndor, I can't say for sure. We don't know. So, maybe you would you prefer if his name was Michael Glendor? Oh, now he's not gonna get super here. That's great. That's very good.

He'd been living on the streets in London and he'd died after eating rat poison. Oh, I've told people so many times. So do it. Not worth the risk. Stop eating it. I know it tastes good, but it is not worth the risk. Not. Some people, most rats and some people will die

after doing that. Yeah, so he learnt the highlight. Especially if you're in some sort of, if pyros in the neighborhood or Mrs. Marple. Just don't invite them round. Or the woman from who, murder she wrote. Angela, answer it. Angela, if you're an Angela around, certainly do not eat any food with rat poison, especially if your husband is out to get you. You should know if someone's out to get you. You should get a vibe, I reckon. If you think your husband's out to get you, he is.

You know? I think that's probably true. Yeah, if you get that vibe, that's sense. Probably being silly. Anyway, he's offered a cook me dinner for the first time ever. I've just come into a lot of money. Oh, my life's really turning around.

Poirot's staying in the B&B next door. What are the chances? I was about to leave my husband. And he would have got nothing, but now. Never get down around. It's gonna be a good buy meal. He's taking it really well. So yeah, a good or a had had died from eating rat poison. Purchase said that this small amount of rat poison in the body

system wouldn't be a problem as it wouldn't be identified in a body that was supposed to have been floating in the sea for several days. They wouldn't even be looking for it. One problem on to you had was that Michael was very thin and sickly, obviously, from living on the street and not having access to food. I'm having a holly shit. He ate rat poison because he was hungry. I didn't really think about why he might have done it. I thought someone had killed him like his wife or husband. No, it was living on the street. And Rat Poison's just out there.

It's one of the only... I read somewhere that it was like a paste that they'd put on bread. Oh. So... Well, that feels like... But, yeah, so it was an accident. Other set, he probably took his own life hard to know. But the actual cause of death was a Rat Poison.

Yeah. That actually got rebranded. Now it's called Marmite. You don't have ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha good comebacks over there. Yeah, make sure to. Got to check in and ask. So when we left the UK, you had the mama take it off of you. Yeah. And they, but so through security, you can't take liquids, you can't take gels, apparently you can't take paste either. Yeah. Well, that's our liquidy it is. Yeah. And like a beautiful thick, proper spread like Vegemite. But the security guy packed it up and said, we can mail it to you if you pay for the post.

Yeah, and he gave me a tag and I had completely forgotten about it until you mention it then. I'll check that out. Yeah, so apparently I can look it up online, put in the code, and I'll say how much it will cost. And if it's, he said it might be about 10 pounds, which feels probably about right for two jails of, I have no idea. Including, you know, mailing from across the world. I'm sure you can get Marmite here. I've seen it in the shop.

But the Marmite you can get at shops is normally the New Zealand one. Right, okay. Which is in a different, it's a very different job. And can you get the peanut, because I got peanut butter Marmite. But also the one time you had the option to have Marmite you spread it and went oh yeah and you didn't even eat it. The consistency looks so bad.

I don't think you should pay that money. Well I also did that knowing I had a jar of it. I'm like I'll do it a Sunday but like I just made me feel queasy looking at it. Right. Because it was it was kind of runny. It took me by surprise. Now that I know that. It was almost like a honey consistency.

Yeah. Not really, that's stickier. Anyway. Yeah, it didn't look good. It didn't look good. But you're never known now. No. But I think, I mean, I still am confident in it's worse than Vegemite, but I reckon it

probably tastes something like Vegemite at the same time. Do you think it's better or worse than rap poison? I reckon a little better. But I think it's one of the, I find it fun to have like draw a line between things that are so close. I love Veggie Mart, but there's Marmite. I wouldn't throw it at my mum if she was on fire and only Marmite would put it out. You know, I would it. God, you don't even care about your mum.

Yeah, that's how much I hate Marmite. It makes me not care about your mom. Yeah that's how much I hate my mom. It makes me not care about my mom. My mom might burn, burn, my mom might burn. Mom being in other words for my mom. Got it. My might burn. Okay. Okay. You said got it and then I think then you got it. I didn't get it at all got it If I say got it we can move on I'm just trying to get back into the half of the set. That was up to rat poison rat poison so but so Montague Had he had an issue with the body because it was very Oh, you're too clean. He didn't think it would pass for a fit healthy soldier and it would raise suspicions when the body was found

I just draw ribs on him? Yeah, they got the big out. It was all about that. It's all about contrary. Purchase said, he doesn't have to look like an officer, only a staff officer. It's a little desk jockey. Then I'll rip down worry about it. So Purchase agreed to keep the body in a freezer at 4 degrees Celsius or 39 degrees Fahrenheit.

Ticket crisp. Any cold on the flesh would freeze, and then it would be obvious, which would be obvious after the body had defrosted. Yeah, it's like bread, you can freeze it once. Yeah, you can't defrost and re-freeze. Well, how do you defrost and never try it? It's just, like a change is on a molecular scale, it just is a different thing all of a sudden. Yeah, all of a sudden it's a shoe. It's a shoe down. It just is a different thing all of a sudden. Yeah, this one is a shoe.

It's a shoe down. Put it on your feet, fine. But don't try to eat it. Try and try to eat it. So how shoes are made? Yes. They're bread frozen, defrosted, frozen, shoes. Even veg and white couldn't make it better.

Couldn't make it edible. And different types of shoes, the different types of bread. Name a shoe. Croc. That's a cob loaf. Chelsea boot. That's a multi-seed sienna, no not sienna, Vienna loaf. I love that. That's a delicious shoe. It's delicious. What a song or a flip flop. Ah, that's your classic tip top. Oh, tip top flip flop. Tip top what? Yeah, tip top flip flop. Etc, et cetera.

And so, on goes the list anyway. So, hey. Let's do seven more. I don't know what to do. Oh, he told him. So he's like, OK, I'll freeze the body. But he told Montague and Chonley that the body had to be used within three months, or it would have decomposed.

Or it would have been. Or it would have been. He's fucked up on the body. I'm sorry. or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way.

Or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way.

Or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way. Or it would have decomposed to that way. putting out bread one time, in fine print on a lot of the baked goods there, it says, or it used to say, thawed for your convenience.

What a, that's maybe my favorite ever spin. We've done your favor. Legally we have to tell you that this was frozen. But. But how do we sell this? Because how annoying is it thawing bread? You know? Oh, it takes forever.

But don't freeze it or it will turn into a shit. Yeah, it has been frozen before Anyway, so they've got three months so they have to get to work fast This might be one of the best sentences I read Monterview selected the code name mincemeat from the list of centrally held available possibilities And a list you can pick from and mincemeat was on it man I hope that that was someone's job just to write down possibilities. He's just going through the roller dex.

Oh, Mince met, that sounds pretty cool. He's like looking around the room, happened to have the grocery list spin. And he's like, all right, all right, all right, air comp. They definitely had that then. Weird switch. What is that for, that little switch, ever?

Don't touch it. Christmas tree. Mince meet. X-life. which, what is that for, that little switch ever? Don't touch it. Christmas tree, mincemeat, X-life. What are you doing here, Jenny? You won't be back. I reckon, although I still don't know fully what this operation is, I reckon part of why people love it and it seems to still be a popular thing to talk about is the name

is so good. That's why Asian men's meat is so good. And it just came from a list. I find that so funny. I reckon you're right, it was a shopping list. Mints meat, eggs. Operation Marl might, doesn't sound as good, does it? No, that sounds gross.

That sounds good. Poor texture. Little runnier than it should be. So the plan was to place documents on the corpse and then floated off the coast of Spain, whose neutral government, nominally neutral, was known to cooperate with the German military. Montague and Chomly began to create a fictitious background and character for the body. They chose the name William Martin and gave him a rank of Captain Acting Major of the Royal Marines assigned to combine Operation Headquarters. As a Royal

Marine, Major Martin came under admiralty authority and would be easy to ensure that all official inquiries and messages about his death would be routed to the Naval Intelligence Division. So they'd have word. Royal Marines also wore battle dress, which was easily obtained and came in standard sizes. So they're like, well, that'll be easier to get. The rank of acting major made him senior enough to be entrusted with sensitive documents, but not so prominent that anyone would expect to know him. So when they'd heard that this... Right, not's not an a-list enemy. Totally. Or that when, like, because they're keeping its secret, obviously, from the Germans,

but also, like, their own people too. Right, so there's any spies, whatever. Exactly. A bit of digging. I haven't heard of this, or William. Short, yeah. What's going on here? William Martin.

So I think that's why they've probably gone with a forgettable name as well. And Martin. Which they've just proved that. Yeah, William Short, I've never heard of it. I read that there was, like gone with a forgettable name as well. And Martin. Which they've just proved to have. Yeah, well, I'm sure I've never heard of it. I read that there was like heaps of Martin's as well. Martin was a really common surname, so it was just sort of, okay, it's another Martin. It wasn't a really weird name or... And he said also he's the announcement of death is rooted through that naval stuff.

So if anyone did ask there is a record. Oh yeah, he's dead, okay. Yeah, exactly. But they wanted William Martin to be more than just a soldier. They wanted to sell that he was definitely a real man. They wanted him to be sponsored by Adidas. So they added pocket litter, things to paint a picture of a life he definitely lived

and that was not made up by two men in a board room. Okay, I'm used condom, he's a virgin. You must call life saom, he's a virgin. Muscle life savers, he loved muscle. Muscle, muscle. He's a vivid picture of being painted there. Hate and mint. Yeah, he's got a packet of mint that he's clearly crushed up.

He doesn't want mint. My aunt mint. Those are, they included a photograph from a made up fiancé named Pam. Oh, yeah. Pam attractive, but not too attractive. Not out of his league. Yeah, but it was actually. Not out of his league. Yeah, but it was actually just a picture of a clerk

from MI5. Her name was Jean. Sorry, Jean. Sorry about that. Didn't realize it was going to be a real person. There was also two love letters. From Pam, they were included. As was a receipt for a diamond engagement ring

costing 53 pound. That's funny. But not the ring. Not the ring. As he, in the spectator he's already proposed or he's thinking about when he gets home. Well, it says fiance, so maybe they've already, maybe she's got the ring, but for some reason he's still holding up to the receiving case. It doesn't work out. Yeah, I've got 30 days, Pam, so. He's a tight ass furcher. He loves muscle. muscle. I imagine he's just got lots of notes in there just over-explaining everything. Yeah.

It's like, oh today, quick note to remember, you are engaged and your name is Martin or William. Really? Much love, William, Martin in brackets, maybe short. Can't remember. In other brackets, definitelyavan. In other brackets, definitely engaged. In other brackets, definitely real. No, it's like, hey, mate, you just do you. Believe in yourself, Martin, you're a real person.

Yes. I believe in you, because you're real. If I die, definitely check my body for a rat poison. Well, would I come into contact with that? Anyway, I do like rat poison a little bit, so I eat a little bit, if anyone finds it, that's for a while. But I'm micro little bit if anyone finds that that's true. But I'm microdosing. There's no way I'll die from it.

Actually, I've built up a result too. So they also went to extremes to ensure that the letters would remain legible after they'd been immersed in seawater. They like carve them into stone. No, Montague asked MI5 scientists to conduct tests on different inks to see which would last longest in water and they provided them with a suitable list of popular and available ink brands. Oh, it's much like Bond.

Yeah. When he goes and goes, you got anything exciting for me and they go, yeah, here's a list of pen brands. Go to the local news agency and pick one out. We've got BIC, BIRROR, PAPERMATE. Thank you, PIC. There are theories, I think, andmate. Thank you, Piss. There are theories, I don't think,

and I didn't read heaps about this for this story. But like the character of M in James Bond, I think is partly based on Godfrey, his boss. Oh. So there's like, there's definitely a little bit of James Bond in here. I thought it was the way that started. You're trying to come up with a kind of

ink-filled work underwater. Yeah. Like that is cool low-key bond stuff. Yeah. I thought it was the way that started. You're trying to come up with a kind of ink that would work underwater. Like that is cool low-key bond stuff. Yeah. But the result being, here's a list of brands of ink. Big pen should be fine. Should be right. So funny.

So funny. So they just kept adding things. And I don't know how big his bag was, but the pockets are so full. He also had a book of steps, a silver cross, and a St. Christopher's medallion, cigarettes, matches, a pencil stub, keys, and a receipt from a shop for a new t-shirt he'd just bought. To provide a date that Martin had been in London, ticket stubs from a London theatre show,

and a bill for four nights lodging at the Naval and Military Club were added, so he's going to leave a receipt for something. I'm going to say, still get pocketed out, reason. He's like, you're off the stands. He's like, why is he carrying it all? I was thinking, why is he carrying all of this? And I was like, oh, all of that's on my phone. Okay, this is pre-phones. Does he keep that for tax time?

Is that a plan? He's trying to claim the... He's taking it with him on a mission. It's in a plane. I better keep this a theater receipt. And not in a bag. it's all in his pockets. But I mean, does it get sus at some point? You know, what they've been wearing, if they were,

yeah, it does feel like it's bordering on too much. No, those movies you're watching, it's like all exposition at the start. Yeah. This feels like he's like that personified. It's not even done. They're still working on it because they also made attempts because he needed some sort of like ID in an ID card. So they tried to take a picture of him for the ID card. But it was a little too obvious that it was

a corpse. He's already dead. They tried. They were like, well, we'll just take a photo of him. How? Anyway. This is a real, how was he gonna say how was gonna say this a real guy just get one of his photos, but he wasn't a soldier Yeah, wasn't a soldier and he was living on the streets Yeah, he possibly didn't have a selfie with him though. Well one more anything So Montague and Chonley then conduct a search for people who resembled him. And they found Captain Ronnie Reed, who worked for MI5. And he agreed to be photographed for the ID card. And Ronnie Reed. Ronnie Reed.

How similar do you think he looks? Ah, I mean, what are the chances in their office? There's someone that looks like him. Well, I think, I mean, it's close enough. Have you seen old photos? All people look the same. Yeah. Yeah, actually, that's just true. You look at your grandparents' photos and you're like, you say, yeah.. Yeah, actually that's true.

You look at your grandparents photos and you're like, you say, yeah. And also when they find a body, it'll probably already, I mean, it would have been decomposed. It's not gonna look perfect. Yeah, right. So it just has to be passable. I like the idea that it is just, they go,

oh, Jesus, he's badly decomposed. Oh no, he's his ID. That's just how we always look. He probably just died now. He's probably alive, no, he's his ID. That's just how we always look. He probably just died now He's probably alive actually. I don't know So it was amazing. So they've got a picture of Ronnie Reed wearing the Royal Marine uniform Um, they thought of everything the ID passes looked too new for for a soldier who'd been serving for a while So they issued them as recent replacements. So that it was like,

no, he lost him and he's just got new ones. Like they've thought everything through. Right there in the letter to his, but I can't believe I lost my ID card again. Lucky I got these replacements just the other day. And then Montague spent three weeks rubbing the passes on his trousers. So they look to me. No breaks, no rest. You never went to bed. He's welcome to bed. No, I'm doing this. My country. He wore out seven pairs of jeans. So he also needed a uniform. They needed it to look worn, you know, well worn. So Chumley put on the uniform and just wore it around to break it in. He wore it around just constantly rubbing. He's just like doing weird movements just to loosen up those shoulders.

Yeah, doing the snake, doing some floor. He's doing yoga in the suit. So the body's just about ready and they need to sort some fake documents to fool the enemy. So, Montague outline three criteria for the document that would contain the details of the falsified plans to land in the Balkans. He said that the target should be casually but clearly identified, and that it should be an unofficial correspondence that would not normally be sent by diplomatic courier

or encoded signal. So the main document, basically, was a personal letter from Lieutenant General Sir Archibald Nye. Archie Nye. Lieutenant, is that an answer different? Lieutenant General. I'll Lieutenant. Right. Because I haven't heard of some of these titles.

Yeah. I would not have been surprised if there was another one. Lieutenant. Lieutenant. Lieutenant General. He was the vice chief of the Imperial General Staff and he had a deep knowledge of ongoing military operations So let it was from him to General Sir Harold Alexander who was the commander of the Anglo-American 18th Army group in Algeria and Tunisia under General Eisenhower

I don't understand any of this and I do a lot of reports on World War II and I don't get it But anyway, but basically what they're just trying to set up the letter from too high up. Too high up saying, hey, we're going to land in the Balkans. Exactly. From one high up to another. After several attempts at riding a fake letter, they kept coming up with things that didn't feel natural. So it was- Love just playing stone and going on in this situation. It doesn't feel like it's him. No, just pacing around a border and going, no, no, no! Again, they're scrunching up paper and throwing it. So it was suggested that Nye should just

drop the letter himself. Give him the criteria and he'll write a letter. So he did. He did it in your voice, Nye. Yeah. Here's what we need you to cover. But he did it and the letter that Nye wrote was perfect and it identified Greece as the target,

but that was a dummy, as the real plan was to invade Sicily. Oh. There was a couple of identified Greece as the target, but that was a dummy as the real plan was to invade Sicily. Oh. There was a couple of other letters as well, one of which had a single black eyelash placed within it to check if the Germans or the Spanish had opened it when it eventually made its way back to the British. That is a super James Bond thing. There's one James Bond movie with Sean Connery where he gets a piece of hair and licks it

and then puts it over a cupboard to see if someone's opened it. Oh! Like sort of, yeah, so it sticks against the... Yeah, against the... It's a sliding door and if they open it, he'll know. So that is Super James's one, too. Yeah. An eyelash.

He's going to volunteer one eyelash. Don't try Matt. Did you get one? Oh, ow. The planning team first thought of having the handle of the suitcase clutched in the corpse's hand because they're like, Riggerboard, a little stay there. But then they realized that Rigger would probably wear off and the briefcase would just drift away.

That's all. That would suck. Because that's where all the documents are. So they therefore equipped him with a leather covered chain, like ones used by Bank and Jewelry Churrius, to secure anything for people grabbing them. So it has a chain that runs down the sleeve to the case. But then once you thought it seemed unlikely that the major would keep the bag secure to his wrist during a long flight. So they looped it around the belt of his trench coat. All right, I think it through.

I think you're not gonna hold it the whole time, are you? Put it on your belt. Right, so it's handcuffed essentially to his belt. Yes. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah, that's a tricky one. Because it does feel like there's a lot of real little red flags.

But also, it's the kind of thing like, you know, when you're always paranoid when you're playing a prank, or like planning a surprise party, you're like thinking, they're going to notice, oh no, of course they know, but no one else is thinking, oh, they've got a surprise party for me. Exactly, unless you may, and then I'm thinking it every best day, and other special occasions. Because, and what's super likely to happen? Like, tree day. Oh God, I want a surprise tree day party. So bad. Coming up. Probably. So anyway, so the body and the documents are ready to go. Now, how do they get the body to where they need it to be? So it's supposed to be, it's supposed

to look like it's a victim of an airplane crash, but it was decided that to try and simulate the accident at sea using flares and other devices could be too risky, too obvious you're out in the open. They considered sea planes and surface ships, but they were all too risky and too obvious to the enemy. So a submarine was chosen as the method delivering the corpse to the region. Wow, I love submarines. They haven't made any sense. They're so dumb. I make sense in war, I guess. For the rest of the time, why do you have a... Why do you take this submarine? I've been regretting getting one, to be honest.

You don't need one. I know. You don't need two. Yeah, well, after you get one, it looks weird. Two, you've got a couple. You got a pair. Yeah, that's true. Oh man. Also, one time I had a few drinks after I went to my under water layer. So I had to get an Uber boat home, a U-boat, and, uh,

and, and so then I'm like, oh, and I get back to an other Peruvian Luba. It's already so far down the path of Mayswell, just by another submarine. But then there were both down there. Yeah, well I know. I'm not saying it's a perfect solution. So you had to take a friend down too. Yeah, I had to.

Because at first I tried to drive them both back at the same time, you know, just out the window. One for that let all this water in. Can one tow the other? Where were you? Honestly, where were you? Why did you call me? You should always call me for these things. I'm so smart. Should a toad one.

I'm so smart when it comes to submarines. When I said I'm like, I'll tow one, but then I thought, well, a land cruise doesn't work under the ground. It's in the name. But I didn't think, yeah, submarine. Sub-perish. Sub-perish. Sub-perish. So they dropped him off into sub. Yeah, sub right. Sub please. Sub please sub. So they dropped him off into sub please tell me they fired him out like a total. This episode is brought to you by Progressive.

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Boom! I'm so disappointed that it's not... Flyer to Peter one. That would have been so good. So that's their plan. They're like, we'll get a submarine. So they had a meeting on the 13th of April 1943. By the time this happened, the war has been over for three years. It's the longest process.

It's been going on for six months. It took three weeks to scratch an idea. Oh, fuck it now. So the committee of the chief of staffs had a meeting and agreed that they thought the plan should proceed. And the committee informed Colonel John Bevin that he needed to obtain final approval from Winston Churchill. It was about to say surf shirt. That's a band.

Two days later, he met the prime minister who was in bed wearing a dressing gown and smoking a cigar. And he warned Churchill that there were several aspects that could go wrong, including the Spaniards might pass the corpse back to the British without the papers being read at all. Well that would be nice. Thank you. Thank you, but we really wanted you to do some spying. No, no, no, no, no, just keep it to someone else. So it could be for nothing or it could just completely fail, who knows. All that work, imagine that. Yeah. But you know how they had that guy wore the uniform for three weeks or something?

Yeah. If he was like, surely they could have got a uniform off a soldier who just gone here is a new suit for you. We'll take your old one, we're replacing him or something. Yeah, that could have made sense too. But they got him a new one, I'm worried in. So anyway, John Bevan's told Churchill, look, it might not work or they might just send him back

without the papers being read. And Churchill replied that in that case, we shall have to get the body back and give it another swim. But for Spanish people... Go again. How has this guy turned up again? Anyway, so in the early hours of 17th of April 1943,

they were preparing the body of Glyndor Michael and dressing him as William Martin. But there was a last minute problem. The corpse's feet had frozen. Like, hold feet. Well, if he's getting nervous, maybe I'd let the call the whole thing off. They couldn't get his boots on him,

so they had to use little heaters to defrost the feet enough so they could get the boots on. Probably look a bit sassy, we didn't have shoes on when they found him. But they got his boots on and he was placed and especially made canister which was filled with 21 pounds or 9.5 kilos of dry ice and sealed up because that would keep the body preserved without refrigeration. Right. So the canister's placed in a van of an MI5 driver. His name was St John Horsefall. Who outside of the war was a champion race car driver. Wow, fuck yeah, Horsefall. Get him to drive our van. And they did.

So Chomley and Montague went along with him and as they drove through the night into West Scotland where the canister was taken on board, the submarine, HMS, Siraph. Siraph's commander was Lieutenant Bill Jewel. Another good name. Every name. I know.

He and his crew had previous special operations experience. And Jewel told his man that the canister contained a top secret meteorological device. Don't know that at what? Yes. That was going to be deployed near Spain. So even the crew on board didn't know what was happening. I was like, yeah, cool, whatever. Whatever, we don't care. Why are you talking about? Come on. Oh my God. Can we go?

Don't care. He's talking about fly fishing and stuff. All right, whatever. Hey, okay, okay, okay. I have to go drive the submarine. Yeah, here comes Bill Jewel and another boring story. So Sir Fsett sail on the 19th of April and arrived just off the coast of how did we decide it was?

Well, well, well, 10 days later on 29th of April. Along that 10-day journey, the submarine had been bombed twice, but carried on, and at 4.15 am on the 30th of April, Siraph surfaced. Joule had the canister brought up onto the deck, then sent all of his crew below except the officers that were with him. They opened the container and lowered the body into the water. He read a prayer apparently, and then ordered the engines full steam ahead, and the wash from the propellers pushed the corpse

towards the shore. So sort of sent it off in the direction it needed to go. I'm not sure, though. That's true, don't. Yeah. Oh no. Oh no. So they also needed to get rid of the canister because

Like maybe that would look a little bit sass if they were captured or whatever So they they take it back onto the submarine They travel for about 12 miles and then they resurfaced again and they put the empty canister They've they pushed it into the water and as it floated they just shot it with machine guns trying to make it sink That's fun, But it didn't work. So instead they just used plastic explosives to blow it up. Way less suspicious. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm just going to blow something up. And then dual center message onto the higher ups to say, mincemeat completed and he continued on to Gibraltar. So the body of Major Martin was founded around 9.30 a.m. that day. So five hours later by local fishermen and it was taken to the Spanish Spanish officials and he was officially informed by the Spaniards of the discovery of an English soldier. He reported back to Admiralty that the body and briefcase had been found. Also, Francis Haselwooden is totally in on this, and he knows. So there was a series of pre-scripted diplomatic cables back and forth between Haselwooden

and his superiors, which continued for several days. The British knew that these were being intercepted, and although they were encrypted, the Germans had broken the code, and the message played out that the story played out the story, that it was imperative that Haslund retrieve the briefcase because it was important. The Germans like, oh my god, that briefcase is so important. Shit in it, but they know they're being intercepted, they're doing this on purpose. I love that.

Yeah, and they're still encrypting it. So you've got to make it feel like it's a real fine. Exactly, because if you just weren't like, oh, get that briefcase, it's got good shit in it. They'd be like, that seems too easy. Yeah. So there's still the encrypting. Don't let the Germans read what's in there.

They'd send the message in German. Briefcase important, get it. So... Actong. A couple of days later, at midday on the first of May, an autopsy was undertaken on the body. And Francis Haslund was president of the autopsy and he wanted to ensure that the Spanish doctors didn't identify that this was in fact a three month old corpse.

So he said, look, it's hot today. This corpse stinks. Can we wrap this up and get out of here? It's lunchtime. And they did. Right. I feel like my corpse stinks. You're in the wrong gig. It's really good. Yeah. Cops. No. Oh, come on. But it is making me hungry. You're in the wrong gig. It's really good. Yeah, corpse. No, come on. But it is making me hungry. You guys want lunch?

Who's up for burgers? My shout. And it worked. They signed a death certificate for Major William Martin for a fixation through immersion in the sea. So we drowned. And the body was released by the Spanish. And as Major Martin, he was buried in the San Marcos section of a cemetery

with full military honors the next day on May 2nd. Fantastic. Is he still there? Yes. That is pretty amazing. With that with the fake name on the tombstone? Yeah, because I'll talk about it later, but this entire time they never revealed who he actually was. So only like, Chomli and Montague and the coroner know for a really long time. I'll talk about that at the end. So the Spanish name, they name me. They retained the briefcase and despite pressure from the German intelligence agents they refuse to hand it over. But more and more the German agents are knowing they're finding out more and more. They're like, this is really important.

We have to have it. So it gets sent to Madrid and Admiral Wilhelm Canaris definitely pronounced wrong. He was the head of the German spies, another word I can't pronounce, so German spies. He personally intervened and persuaded the Spanish to surrender the documents. So some of the Spanish authorities, they basically took photos of everything in central

and they didn't give them everything because they had to give that back to the British. So they removed the paper, still damp, they took it out and dried it, they took photos. Then they soaked it in salt water for 24 hours. I don't really know why. Oh, what to make it look like they hadn't dried it. They had to get it out with a cylinder kind of thing, and I don't really don't understand how it worked, but basically they left the envelope sealed.

It was sealed with wax and stuff. They got the letter out. Oh wow. Another way. So yeah, they basically. I like the oil. Yeah, but the. Do you have envelopes?

I have backdores. I assume so. So then they put the letter back in the envelope, but the eyelash is gone. So there's the eyelash expected to last for like days and hours and... I mean, they don't necessarily disintegrate, do they? But it's also feel like a thing that you'd be like, maybe just, I don't know. Yeah, it just falls off.

Yeah. But I guess if it's in there sealed... Well, you would fall. Yeah, right. So, that's how you know. So then those photos and the information that was in the briefcase was passed onto the Germans on the 8th of May. And it was considered so important that some pretty high up spies took it to Germany themselves.

And a few days later, the briefcase was returned to Hazelden by the Spanish authorities, and he forwarded it back to London. And the documents were forensically examined back in London, and the missing eyelash was noted, so they're like, okay, they opened up, we reckon. Further tests show that the fibres in the paper had been damaged by folding more than once, which confirmed that the letters had been extracted and read. To delay any potential German fears that their activities had been discovered, another pre-arranged encrypted but breakable cable was sent to Hazelden stating that the envelopes had been examined and that they'd not been opened.

Right. They knew they definitely had. Jeez, that's smart. And Hazelden even leaked the news to Spaniards. Ones that he knew were sympathetic to the Germans. He went to the pub. He's like, well, sir, I didn't got away with that. I think I just, I missed this. How long did it take for the body to be found?

How long was it in the water before the... Like five hours. Just later that day. So they just put it in a spot they knew people were around, they were around, because they pushed it towards the shore. Yeah, and it was found by fishermen. So the tide would be coming in and out of it. Yep, and they knew.

That feels like, so they just, because it feels like there'd be a chance it might take ages. Well, they did heap, like there was so many different potential spots that they were going to choose. And I don't think this was high up on their list originally, but then with the tides and, and a whole bunch of factors, they figured that it would probably work and it did. But yeah, so they dropped him off at like four thirty in the morning and he was found at nine thirty. Amazing. Ridiculous. But obviously, they're like having discovered it, it's a fairly decomposed body, they probably would have assumed it'd been in longer. Yeah. So, which is also perfect. Exactly.

So final proof that the Germans had been passing information from the letters came not long after on the 14th of May when a German communication was decrypted and the message which had been sent to those previously warned that the invasion was to be in Greece. So they're like, okay, they definitely think we're going to invade Greece. A message was sent by Brigadier Leslie Hollis. Oh, hello. Brigadier Hollis. Hello, Brigadier. He sent a message to Churchill who was in the United States at the time. Still is right.

Still is right. Always in a robe. Almost definitely with a cigar. But the message read, mincemeat swallowed Rod line and Sinker by the right people hook line and Sinker you dickhead, by the right people. And from that's like hook line and Sinker is a wild thing for a fish to have swallowed all of that. But the rod as well. That's they've really swallowed. There's

imagine a fish is just that's really salad and rod line and Sinker by the right people. And from the best information, they've really swallowed it. It's about enough fish. It's just, that's really salient. Rod Lion's Sinker by the right people and from the best information, they look like acting on it. So they're like, we fucking got him. Monty Gau continued the deception to reinforce the existence of Major Martin and included his details in the published list

of British casualties, which appeared in the Times on the 4th of June. It's a made up person, but they've added him in there. Biker incidents also published that day with the names of two other officers who had died when their plane was lost at sea, so it added credibility to his story, somehow Biker incidents. By the end of June, German troops' strength on Sardinia had been doubled to 10,000 with fighter aircrafts also based there as support. They moved to divisions to the Balkans from the Eastern Front.

German torpedo boats were moved from Sicily to the Greek Islands in preparation. There were seven German divisions transferred to Greece, raising the number to 8. There was only one there. They put seven other divisions in there. And they just went really hard putting all of their people into Greece. And on the 9th of July, the Allies invaded Sicily in Operation Husky, great operation too. For a considerable time after the initial invasion, Hitler was still convinced that the attack on the Balkans was imminent, so they were still taking people out

of Sicily to Greece when Sicily was being invaded. Out of, we can see them, they're right there. No, no, no, no, this is just like a small invasion and they're gonna hit harder here, they want us to. Oh no, by the time. Yeah, thinking that was, Sicily was the decoy. Oh wow. They were thinking, yeah, they want us to. Oh no. By the time. Yeah, thinking that was Sicily was the decoy. Oh wow. They were thinking, yeah, they're thinking Sicily is a decoy and it's going to be even bigger

in Greece, but it never was. And by the time the German high command realized the mistake, it was too late to make a difference. Wow. So it was hugely successful. And Montague was appointed an officer of the Order of the British Empire in 1944 for his partner operation, Men's Meat, for masterminding the plan. Chomley was appointed a member of the Order in 1948 and wrapping it up a little bit. A guy called Duff Cooper, amazing.

Oh my god, oh my goodness. I'm pretty sure his first name was actually Albert. Duff is way better. But Albert's still great. Albert Duff Cooper, all of that. Duff Cooper sure his first name is actually Albert. Duff is way better. But Albert's still great. Albert Duff Cooper. Duff Cooper. Cooper's a really good sooner. Yeah.

I don't know why, but that's a great sooner. You do a lot with it. Maybe it's because there was one of the key families from the OC. Yes. And almost any name goes with it. Yes. Except Cooper. Cooper Cooper.

Oh my goodness. I love it. Cooper Cooper. Cooper Cooper. Cooper Cooper. Oh, thank you. Hanging with Mr Cooper. Happyupa Cooper. Pupa Cooper. Hanging with Mr. Cooper. Happy a cute dog name. Pupa Cooper.

Pupa Cooper. Pupa Cooper. Cooper did a Pupa. Cooper, Cooper a character from Mario Brothers? No. Okay. Good. Yeah.

Has Bowser and Cooper? No. Jess is the gamer. I'm the gamer here. Sorry. Right in and a little snob. Jess is the gamer. I'm the gamer here. Sorry. Right in and a little snobr. No, don't.

There is definitely. Fucking joking. Don't at me your nerds. Um, Duff Cooper. Duff Cooper Beach. That was the one. Duff Cooper. Oh my God, I forgot.

He was a former cabinet minister who had been briefed on the operation in March 1943. And he published the Spine-Oval Operation Heartbreak in 1950. Was that a love story? Who knows. It contained the plot device of a corpse with papers naming him as William Marington or something like that, being floated off the coast of Spain with false documents to deceive the Germans. So it was basically the Operation Midsmeat story, he stole it for his book. The British Security Services decided that the best response was to publish the story of

Mincemeat. So over the course of a weekend, Montague wrote, The Man Who Never Was, published in 1953, which sold two million copies and formed the basis for a 1956 film. Fantastic. And I have a copy of that book because my dad gave it to me. Do you really? Yes. The man who never was because... Have you read it? I have not read the book.

Because that's this story. You would know so much about this story. I was going to say, you've been playing it real cool. No, I haven't read the book. But I still have the copy of the book because my dad was listening to late night talkback radio and it was hosted by Steve Price, who sometimes appears on the project, which I work behind the scenes on.

And Steve Price was talking about the book and he said, I'd love to get a copy of it. So my dad was like, well, you sometimes might see Steve Price. And he gave it to me to give it to Pricey, but I never had the courage to give it to him. So I still have it myself. You never had the courage to give it to him. He's like, he's famously an angry man, isn't he?

Yeah, and I don't really have much of a light. He's a shock jock. Yeah, and I work more with other members of the, of you know, of the show. Of the show. He was fairly pleasant to me. Yeah, I'm actually happy. No, no, he's a friendly man,

but I just don't know him super well. Yeah, he's a kind of, on a personality. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, but I've still got, Wow. And at least it's just a great title, the man who loves us. It's so Yeah, absolutely. But I've still got, and I think it's just a great title, the man who loves it. It's so good, yeah. So Montague wrote it.

He had to obviously leave out some details. Careful not to identify anybody who's identity protecting and all that. But like I said before, this entire time, the real identity of the corpse remained a secret. It wasn't until 1996 that Roger Morgan, who's an amateur historian from London, uncovered evidence in the public records office that the identity of the corpse was Glendor Michael. So the Commonwealth War Graves Commission had taken responsibility for major Martin's grave

in 1977, but after the true identity was revealed, the commission added a post script, Glendor Michael served as major William Martin. They added that in 1997. Yeah, it's a weird play because it's like the real guy's been raised, but now they're saying he'd basically served in the army just in body, in a mind. So that grave is still there, I mean, just in body, in my mind. So that Grove is still there, and it has his actual name on it now. Fantastic. It's pretty crazy, it's a wild story,

and I think they're making a film or something about it. It feels like they've got to. Colin Firth, I believe. It sounds like a Firth. It sounds like a Firthy. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, that's Operation Mint's meat. Fantastic story.

Great story. I reckon that's one of my favorite, we've done quite a few war stories. I think that might be, maybe my favorite of them. This just felt like it should not have worked. Yeah, just a lot of luck. I imagine they rolled the dice a lot and a lot of them wouldn't have come off. Yeah, yeah, for sure. But this one did somehow and it worked perfectly. Yeah, because they went all in it wasn't like hit though It was hedging his bets. Yeah, he said no, I fully trust this totally. I'm not 100% comfortable on this But I'm pretty sure it was like a pretty significant Operation like that that attack yeah, I was wondering that I think sir

Do you know more about it? I don't have as a German descendant. Do you know more about that? That's a German descendant. Do you know, do you have any... What are you talking about? There's a one-a-key German name. It is. You know my great grandfather came out from, I think, in 1900 to Australia. Okay. Let me know my great-great grandfather.

So well before we'll go on the N2. It's just really... Just to put that home there. You've been in the tall spot there, man. Well, I respect this one. It's just really, it's just to put that home there. It's just a really, it's a sore spot there. It's just that this one. Well, I respect that. But you're also a history buff.

Dude, would you know, was it a big one that turned the wall? Oh. Just as saying, she thinks it is. I have no idea. Yeah. Dude. Well, I think there's lots and lots of little things. Because there's a like, yeah, I imagine.

There's so many, it's hard. Yeah, that's the, because he made big mistakes in you, because it was the kind of thing that, if Hitler made a few different decisions, it was pretty strong. He had a strong hand at some points. Yeah, Winston Churchill used to talk about the hinge of fate about whether it would go one way or the other.

Right. Yeah, and I'm pretty part of, you know, big, big thing. Like getting Russia outside. Invading Russia during winter, when they were, you know, supposedly your ally was not a smart thing. No one ever invades Russia and winter and Japan. And bombing Pearl Harbor, the scene is another huge one bringing America into the war.

Maybe? Yeah, I'm fascinated by this stuff, but I always think, I wish I could go back and just really get stuck into the whole history. It's so hard. We must have done 10 episodes on Little Storage from the two world wars. And they're just all these little battles or people from around it. It's amazing how complex it. It's amazing how complex these world walls. God crazy. But yeah. So that was oh man I love that story. I know that everything. It's like of course it should be a movie. Yeah definitely. And then they have done other like it's appeared in TV shows and I think there

was another film somewhere in there as well. There's like a play that they do in Wales now about the early life of Gwendo Michael kind of like like the reimagining. It's pretty interesting. But yeah, so. How we got his taste for rap. I think there'll be a film out sometime soon. And it'll be another one of those situations where we do a report on something and then it's a film. That happens quite often. It does. We're very influential, yes. Yeah, we just, or our listeners pick stories that are so good that Always yeah on their way to Hollywood does feel like that happens a lot like we do one of the movies and out soon after that It's in development about the topic we've done. That was a great

Report. Thanks so much. Bob. I absolute pledge. I think it's funny that I mentioned at the start that That we Dave and I interopped a bit and I felt that today we definitely did that. No, just at bad times And I was like, oh, there's a good there's a good line here. I'll start again Good on you. Well, it brings us to nearly everyone's favorite part of the show I know I think some people listen for the report But I think most people listen for the report, but I think most people listen for the fact the quote or the question. I believe that's true.

The way people get involved in this is supporting us on our Patreon, which is patreon.com slash do go on pod. And one of the levels, which is called the Sinishan Berk Deluxe Rest in Peace Memorial level, or something like that. And if you're on that level, you get to give me a factor quote or a question. And I read it out for the first time on the show, and I'm going to do that right now.

Okay. Okay. Firstly, from Stephen Carter. He's given himself a title, which is another thing yet to do when you give us a factor quote or a question. And Stephen Carter's given himself the title of senior vice apprentice of Cher Cuzzi's Cher Cuzzi's. Does that mean anything to you?

David, you mind looking that up? How do I spell this? CHU R. CHU R. CU, double Z, IE S. Cher Cuzzi's. Okay. And then his question is, well Dave's looking that up. C-H-U-R. C-H-U-R. C-U-Double Z-I-E-S. Yeah, doesn't come with anything. It could just be a little thing from his life.

Yeah, I don't know, maybe I'll put into two words in case no, what is coming up? Interesting. Well, his question is, if all the mascots of all NRL and all AFL teams were forced to fight to the death, who would win for each comp and who would win the grand final? Who would win for each comp? So yeah, who would who's this who I mean in the AFL bombers right? The bomb should have a real titan well, I think yeah, the bombers the bombers definitely take down all the animals, right? Yeah, you've got because you think of the animals. Tigers are the biggest carnival right now. Dave land carnival. Is that right Jess? I don't know. I always ask Dave like he knows everything. He doesn't know everything.

That's not a mascot in the, in either competition. Yeah, but you're saying it. Oh, okay, great. Sorry, sorry, yeah. He's answering your questions. Obviously, I have felt. Yeah, because I was gonna say people are gonna write in, be like, I'm not the first person.

Oh, sure. So, but yeah, the bombers are gonna beat all them, then who else you got? The Saints, my team, you think, I'm it, but they're good. Bigger demons. And then demons. I think both of those sort of are gonna overpower a human Powered plane with the drops bombs. Yeah, so saints and demons feel like they're the top blues of course

Depression what is a blue Depression, well, I don't the blues having a blues It's a musical style or it's a sadness It's a musical style or a sadness. The parts will get the blues. Yeah, I think blues defeats any of those. Come for us all. But I think Saints vs. Damans, who wins? I guess from your perspective.

Damans. Damans, Dave? Who wins that battle? Say it again, who wins? Saints vs. Damans. Oh, sadly. Stamens. All right, well, you overall, me,

I would have to say the Saints, but two demons are not. So demons in the Aiffel, then in the NRL, which I, again, you've got a lot of animals, rabbits, tigers, panthers, but then you've got sharks. Sharks, sharks are the one I know.

They're grazing a landfile. If you're in water, they're gonna win. Yeah. Big time. On land, sharks are almost the first out. Ha ha ha. Storm is pretty, gotta be pretty big. Yeah.

So, especially if you're like X-Men Storm, she's very powerful. Especially if they're also using the salary cap. Boom! Man, he was rugby jokes, yes! Oh, sorry, league joke. Rugby fans, people are like that. Rugby league, you don't call it rugby? People will say, yeah, it was rugby jokes, yes. Oh, sorry, league joke. Rugby fan, I mean, I don't know why that. Rugby, you don't call it rugby?

People will say, yeah, if you say rugby, that's rugby union and people in the Northern States will get annoyed at you. No, it's not rugby, it's league. Now, let me just tell those people, when I say rugby, I mean league. And when I say league, I mean rugby union. It's very confusing, but that's how we do it down here.

So fuck off. No, it's not Dave, Dave, that's not how we do it. But you're right, the Titans are the Gold Coast Titans. So can Titans beat Storm? How do you go? That's got a three thing. Yeah. What do they got?

A trident. Trident. Yes. So there's also the raiders, which are Vikings, but they're just humans. I'm gonna say sharks. So it's a water base. Yeah, and the Titans and the other ones can't swim.

Okay, so I mean, my vote is absolutely with the rabbit-os. The rabbit-os? The rabbit-os? The rabbit-os will win. Yeah, because I'll just keep breeding. They'll never stop. Oh, yeah. We're humans trying to take them down with meningococcal

or whatever. Mixed with totalsus. What's the meningococcal or whatever makes a bit of a total That's a disease we get Yeah, that really backfired Stop sharing drinks rabbits you might get meningococcal. Okay, so we're saying sharks I think sharks are gonna be rabbits. I would have thought the storm. No No, okay, so we're gonna go a storm can't survive in the water. It just makes the water. So once it's water then what Charks?

You've got a bit demon in a shark. Sharks! Sharks are beating demons? It's in the water! Demon's can't swim. Demon's can't swim. Demon's can't swim. Demon's can't swim.

Demon's can't swim. Demon's can't swim. Demon's can't swim. Demon's can't swim. Demon's can't swim. Demon's can't swim. Demon's can't swim. Demon's can't swim. Demon's can the sharks? You're just trying to exchange Scott Morrison's good books. Yeah.

Well, while he's having fun in Hawaii, you're here defending him. That's been bigger than news this week, if anyone's listening at the time. Our Prime Minister, Australia's having awful fires and it has not gone down well with our Prime Minister as left to the country. Some people like let him have his family holiday and other people like maybe cancel the

holiday when your country is on fire. Yeah, but that's expensive. That's true. Yeah, it can't get refunded. If you cancel a holiday within two weeks before you go, you're not getting any. We found out when we missed our flight from Dublin to Glasgow. I mean, come on. Yeah. We missed one flight and our flop from Dublin to Glasgow. I mean, come on. Yeah.

You missed one flight and then make you pay for another. I mean, what the heck? I was honestly so impressed that we did not have a meltdown. We were all so calm. I was telling a friend about that. We were all very nice about that. It was fine. We were great.

Oh, there's also the dragons. Okay. Dragons have been a shock. No. Dragons, surely. Sure. Dragons can't swim. Put a dragon in the ocean.

And oh, you got fire breath, good fucking luck underwater, shark. You could do shit. Well, I feel like I'm not gonna be able to, can I, and you're saying sharks be damans? Yes. All right, apparently sharks win. Jesus, hopefully you are happy with that answer.

Sir, I'd like to call you Sir, Stephen Carter. Do you think Stephen Carter's from New Zealand? Because the only thing that came up for me is the culturetrip.com has 15 keyway slang words to help you speak like a local in New Zealand. Oh, must be. And one of them is Cuzzy, as in, sure, Cuzzy, which is something that's like, sure, Cuzzy, this is a sign of affection, a significant verbalization of someone telling someone else they consider them a friend and ally. Cuzzy is a little more colloquial than the more nationally used mate, but extends the same feeling of brother or sisterhood to the recipient.

I reckon that's, I think that's definitely where I'm guessing, because it, I love it when people try to define slang. And they're like, you know, it's like a brotherly sisterly in an infection. It's like, it's just a slang word. Love it. I reckon you're... I like that one.

That's where he's from, I reckon. Yeah, awesome. There you go. I had never heard the phrase, Cher Coussey before, but I like it. I like it too. And also, Maximeleon Duke has a question. He's given himself the title of popper of bubble wrap,

consumer of Queso, first of his name. My son Queso right there? Yeah. Queso. Good. And his question is, what's Queso? He's talking about Is it Queso? Queso.

Queso. Cheese in Spanish? C-U-E-S-O. That is, cheese in Spanish, Queso. Oh, I can see. So, a cheese eater. Okay. Queso, I love it.

It's a great word. Why do we say cheese like idiot? We're such idiot. Queso, someone good. English is a shit language. All right, well the captain Queso asks, it's always bothered me. It's always bothered me that there were no teachers of normal academic subjects at Hogwarts.

I mean, you're teaching children to mix complex magic potions with no basic instruction in math or science. The potential catastrophic results of giving an 11-year-old a flying broom without even an intro to drive the education course are astounding. So let's fix it. What normal and innovative commas subject would you be the teacher of at Hogwarts? And what would have been your contribution to the final fight

against Voldemort from the book slash movies? Podcasting 101. Okay. Welcome to school. You need to know this stuff, guys. Someone's going to document this and put it out on the internet. You're calling this a normal subject. Yeah, that's fantastic. Podcast 101, you're going to podcast about Voldemort's demise. Oh, okay. So yeah, you got to document it. Of course. What's that saying about those who write the history books in charge of it? Winners write the history books? Yeah. What do you say?

Yeah. Winners record the history podcasts. Yeah. What do you say? Yep. Winners record the history book us. Yes, that's right. Okay, great. I think that's a fantastic idea. Also a little bit of jazz tap. Jazz tap. Adolk and Hebrew dance.

I know if you fully understand normal. But this was Dave's school experience. Yeah. This is the subject I did. So. Jazz tap, obviously. What about you, Bob? I'd be PE and health.

Oh, yeah. None of those kids have any sex education. I didn't at my Catholic school. They'd be getting a bit of education. But I'll teach them. All right, bananas at the ready. Oh, they could just use their ones. Come on, don't want them.

Oh, that's good. No, they're going to step to the end. Oh, my God. Well, that's an important lesson. Yeah, yeah. Don't put it on, you want. But also, you think. I'd that's an important lesson. Yeah, yeah. Don't put it on you want. But also you dick I'd be making them run laps. Yeah good for the endorphins good for mental health

Do any exercise? from breathing, broom, broom stuff, grooming, grooming, but in the final battle, um, yeah, they can all run away now and also then we'll talk about our feelings Yes, in a safe, healthy, constructive way. Is it confusing? Here we go. In the world of magic, we have to get a regular broom, but not one that you fly on. There are flying brooms and cleaning brooms.

Do they have those? Do they have a clean, but you have to say, can I get past the cleaning broom, for example? I think they refer to their flying brooms by their name. Pass the Nimbus 3000. Pass Kevin, please. Yeah, I'm going to say, I'll just go off the subject I was best at at school, which was English. You got a talk. I mean, that's a big part of it.

Yeah, do they study Shakespeare or anything like that, though? Because a lot of them have to go and like live in a normal world. That's what I was wondering. I bet there'll be Harry Potter people who probably may be annoyed by this question because I've seen the movies. But I don't, I wouldn't call myself a pothead. I think that many, many will assume, many have assumed, many have and do assume, but I'm not, I'm not a pothead, but um, I assume that the rest of the year when they're in a muggle land. Many have assumed many have and do a shoe but I'm not I'm not a pot head but um I Assume that the rest of the year when they're in a muggle land Uh-huh, they probably go to muggle school. No. No. Is that not right? I don't know you get sent home for Christmas, don't you? But maybe like but they all but they call it St. Swigging stay you go to Hogwarts when you're like 11 or 12. So what were you doing before then?

Were they in normal school? Were they just hanging around for 12 years? Your mum can't get anything done. It's very nice to go on to school. He must have gone to school. Yeah, but the guy from Pah and the Skod didn't let him because he didn't like him very much. Anyway, yeah, I don't know.

Well, I look forward to the tweets anyway from the pot heads out there. Thank you so much Maximilian Duke, long term, if that quote or question, I really do appreciate your support. Lover of cheese. And a lover of cheese. And I've started, now we do some shout outs for other patrons. If you're on the, maybe the DP Cooper level and above, is that right Dave? I forget.

One of the levels, you can see it in the description anyway. And we thank a few people from there, but what I've been doing lately is I've been going back through our system to find the ones we've missed over the years. And so some people have been waiting a long time. For instance, can I thank Isaac Smith, who we probably should have thanked about two years ago. What? And he's from Leeds in West Yorkshire.

Thank you so much, Isaac. I wonder if we met Isaac in Leeds. Yeah. Probably. Or maybe so few years that we missed. How about you? How about you. How about you. so sorry, Isaac. It's just the sorting system on Patreon has been no good. It's so bad.

It's a bit a little bit like the sorting hat and Harry Potter, you know. Stop trying to stop trying to make people like you. Stop rendering. Oh, yes. I'm the sorting hat. Shut the fuck up and read some names. That's where the guards are. I want you to come up with a game. Oh, yes, we've come up with these people. I don't drive in to thank, but I have not gonna hat. Shut the fuck up and read some names. I swear to God. I want you to come up with a game.

Oh yes, we're coming up with these people. I don't drive in to thank, but I have not, I need a game there. We're naming their operation. We're giving them a code name. Oh, a code name, not an operation they have to have, not like you don't need reconstruction. Yeah, no.

We were talking about 40 teams before, and Isaac Smith is one of the champions of the horse and football club. So could he be somehow related to the Hawks? Hawks are already growing. Something Hawks, I reckon. Something Hawks. Bloodthed.

Bloodthed. Golden Hawks. Golden Hawks. That is good, Jess. Oh, yes. Operation Golden Hawks. Yes. Oh, it's so good.

You picking that out of the roller deck, so you can meet him. Yeah. Should we go with the mincemead or Golden Hawks? Golden. Don't worry, there'll be made or golden hawk? Golden hawk. Don't worry, there'll be enough. There's a few missions coming up. Don't worry, I can do it.

No, no, no. No, no, no. Thanks, Isaac. Sorry about the huge delay. Sorry about the huge delay. And similarly delayed. Actually looking at it, it's probably only about, probably about 20 months, not two years. And also I would love to thank from Detroit, Rock City in Michigan.

That's right, Detroit, Rock City, Motown. Yeah, yeah, that's what the people call it, sorry, sorry, I was just confused. I'd love to thank. Dave, if you could follow his train of thought with a little explanation. I'd love to thank with another fantastic name, Reed Tatoris. Oh, Read Tatoris.

Oh, Read Tatoris. Oh, Tator. Tator, San Tator. Operation. Jim. Jim. Membership. I just say jam.

Jam membership. No, Jim jam. Oh, Jim jam. No, it's got to be Operation Jam Membership. Oh, Jim jam. Oh Jim. Oh, it's got to be Operation Jam membership. All right, um, we'll go with it. I'm gonna subscribe to jam. It's one of those every month you get a different jam. I got a jam membership. I love strawberry and raspberry but not my thing. So we drop it a body in the ocean and in the pocket It has a 12 month supply of jam, all different flavors.

It gives him a real backstory. Who is this crazy Englishman? What flavors? Oh, you know, strawberry, raspberry, blueberry, Marmalade, you're counting that as a jam? Dave, isn't. I don't like it, but it counts, fruits of the forest. Oh, fruits of the forest, one of my favorites.

My mum and her siblings favorite, plum and raspberry. Oh, never had it, so that's good. It's a of the forest. Oh, fruits of the forest, one of my favorites. My mom and her siblings favorite, plum and raspberry. Oh, man. It's delicious. Raspberry and plum the following month. Yeah, it's not the high ratio of raspberry. Yeah. Um, peanut butter. Peanut butter, my mom's peanut butter.

It's basically, tell me, tell me, the peanut butter isn't just peanut jam. That's a good point. I don't know. I thought about it like jam. Honey, that's B jam. B jam. Oh, I love my B jam. I can't wait. That's about 12 anyway. Thank you so much, Mr. Reed to Taurus. Papa, so we're just looking at these ones with no number there. Great, okay. And I would love to thank from New York. Oh,

where? New York. I said, Dave, honestly, you've got headphones on, mate, I'm yelling into a microphone, you should be able to hear me. I'm listening to another podcast. The greatest shity in the world. Greatest shity. That's what I'm trying to do,

and I was big red from David Letterman, the announcer. What was his name? You're the big letterman fan. You're the big red. Uh, what's your name? Great're the big letterman fan. You're the big red. Greatest shitty. Fuck. Do you think it was Jacob Sullivan? Yes.

No, but that is a great name as well. Thank you, Jacob. Okay, all right. Dave. Operation Collider Scope. Oh! I like that a lot. That's so good.

It's got to have already been a real one. I like the word kaleidoscope. It's a great word, isn't it? And I also like kaleidoscopes. They're very pretty. They're very nice to look at. They're fun. My dad bringing up Martin Moniquin again.

Got a certificate from Guinness World Records because he was a primary school teacher and he would build all these things with the kids. Great primary school teacher. I've got to be honest. He went above and beyond every year, but he made these giant kaleidoscopes and they were the biggest ones in the Southern hemisphere. Which is for people who live in the Northern hemisphere, you probably haven't heard this term, but it's one of my favorite things. We call things, we write it on how big it is in the Southern hemisphere.

Yeah, which means we often, in Australia, can have the it is in the Southern hemisphere. Yeah, which means we often, in Australia, can't have the biggest things in the Southern hemisphere. It's because we're the, where the, like Melbourne has just built the tallest building in the Southern hemisphere. Can you believe it? Melbourne got it. We got it.

Houston claims to be the biggest shopping center in the Southern hemisphere. It's got a hotel now. Cop that Cape Town. Yeah, Cape Town. Puts is Puts of Brazil south of the equator. Yeah, yeah, Puts Argentina, Chile. Yeah, so that would actually there's a few big countries, but So funny. Is there something we do a lot?

Namibia and um a lot of ocean Antarctica. I think Mergenus water records were you know Not enough to send him a certificate because it was really nice. It was still something. The great force was stoked with that. Oh, no, it isn't an amazing thing. I mean, even have the biggest thing in Melbourne is wild, but the biggest thing in all of Australia, New Zealand, and parts of Brazil. That is.

It might be all of Brazil, or none of Brazil, anyway. Very cute. But I know one of those countries is Ecuador, is the one that they're quite a split, isn't it? That would make sense. Yeah, I think it would. So thank you to Jacob. And I would also like to thank you so much, Jacob.

Frank, are you alright? I don't know, I'm busy. I'm trying to move on. I've had a triple espresso. That makes sense. I'd love to thank from Claremont in Western Australia, Ruth Gat-Lodding. Oh, Ruth, Struth.

Struth, through Gat-Lodding. Gat-Lodding, that is brilliant. I think today has been the densest episode of great names. It's, oh, honestly, if you would have put them in a list, you'd be like, that's crazy. Yeah, that's crazy. All right, John, I'm going to do a mind-meld with you. Okay, I'll do the first one, you do the second one,

without any gap in between. Okay, day, ladies and you say operation, I'll say word, just the word, all within probably two seconds. I'm blanking my mind right now, blanking. It didn't actually happen real quickly. All right, this is a good operation. D actually happen real quickly. Operation. Dummy.

Dummy. Operation Dummy Goon. I like it. My brain was going to say Dumb O Drop. I can't not do Dumb O Drop and I have to put Dummy Goon is great. Dummy Goon. So you're picturing a dummy which is like an Australian pacifier but filled with Goon is Australian box one. Yes. Wow. I saw dummies

advertised online that you can put little bits of fruit in. Oh. Give that to your kid. Start waning them on to fruit early. Also fructose, great for those teeth developing. Does that a really soak in there? Can we rot their teeth before they've even got them? Does that really soak in there? Can we rot the teeth before they've even got them? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha part of our upbringing. It's that name you export over two big drinks there. A lot of people between the ages of 14 and 20 here will soak a dummy in Goon, put it in there but for a real quick alcohol buzz straight in. Now I don't want to tell my story. What's yours? What's yours story?

I used to, when I was a baby, I would say. No, no. No, no. I used to, when I was a baby, I would say. No, no. You have to finish it now, otherwise my imagination will. I would spit out the dummy a lot. So my mommy used to put it in honey. Shit out the dummy, what? Mommy used to dip it in honey and then give it to me.

Oh, that'll spill over when you're right up. But I would just suck all the honey off of the spit it anyway. Kinda cute. That is cute. With my butt. And your teeth survived it. Yep. You got good teeth.

Yeah, I'd braces. Cos my parents a lot of money, these teeth. Right. But I didn't have to pay for it, so I don't care. Beautiful. Yeah. They're listening, which they always are sucked in. That thing about putting alcohol on the butt, that is something that gang people did do.

Soak in something and put it up their butt. It's just drink it. Alcohol, there's such an obvious way to consume liquor. Did people do that at your school? No, no, this was, I think, this was one of those ones that got told and then used by people who were the wouses. The kids today, they're putting alcohol in the butt.

They have lost control. They're pouring it right into their butts. But apparently that was a thing. But it does feel like, you know, if you don't like the taste of that much, but apparently because there's a lot of blood vessels in your butt, so things get in. Shelf and alcohol is such a funny idea.

Dave, do you have people to think? I'd like to think. Drinking your butt responsibly. It's great advice. I would like to think. Drinking your butt responsibly. It's a great advice. I would like to thank Frama Madison West Virginia. Oh, mountain mama. I would like to thank Tyler Thompson. Tyler Thompson.

Tyler Thompson. Also on the list, a great name. Tyler Thompson, been a patron for a long time now. We appreciate you all. Thanks so much for your patience. You're a great Tyler. And all right, we're going. Do my knelt again.

All right, Matt, you say operation. I'll say the word then, Jess can bring it on. What a man to get sick and. It is the toughest position. So sorry. Tyler Thompson, let's talk. Ready? Tyler Thompson, who is in charge of operation.

Hook! Leopard! That's good. Oh, good. Hook's good hook leopard. Yes. Yes. Don't pander to me shut up. That sounds awesome. It's a leopard with three legs one hook. Wow hook leopard. Pretty cool. And the enemy will swallow it hook line and leopard.

And the enemy will swallow it hook line and leopard Thank you so much Tyler I would also like to tell a Thompson really great now finally now from Manley New South Wales home of the sea Eagles one of the first teams to be eliminated from our all-out battle I think see Eagles you just bring it with a chip with some pandal and it's going. And to thank a man who needs and has no surname, James. James from Manly, we all know James from Manly. I want to have James, because there's a band called James who had a couple of big hits in the 90s. Do you think that's that, James, who's saying laid?

I can only assume yes. I think it is, yeah. I think it is. So can you work laid into the top? I'm going to say operation. Yep. New guys are going to say that. All right, one of the word I'm saying. Okay. Go on. So who's going first? Matt, you go with your word. Okay. Okay. You blanking? Yeah, you're not. James from Manly in charge of operation. Lade. Chicken. How did he come up with it?

How does his mind work? The mind it boggles. He's a master. He's missing. How do you get this chicken laid? It's a new team. It's a new team. It's just the 40-year-old virgin chicken.

Right. Thank you so much. This chicken's a real nerd. Just no confidence in themselves. That's all. Thank you so much. This chicken's a real nerd. Just no confidence in themselves. That's all. Thank you so much for all those things around me. All that leaves us is thanking a few people, welcoming them, welcoming more goodness, welcoming them into the triptitch club, which is for people who've been a patron in the $5 or above level who have made it

for three years. And to this point, we've had, you know, it's a pretty exclusive club, but welcoming into the club this week, may I introduce clearly just double checking the dates. I don't think we're actually there is no one to be to make up a name. There's no one to be entered in this week. I'd like to welcome. Make one up. Oh, you say a name and I'll say a name. Well, um, there are, do we need to bring anyone in? Because I mean, I mean, the club Gary Shindler. Oh, okay fantastic a beautiful name, but I'm looking at it. Thank you Gary.

There will be next week there are three inductees ready to go. Oh, that is exciting. We don't just put that people in Willie Nilly, apart from Gary Shindler. And Willie Nilly. Willie Nilly. Obviously Willie's been in. Willie Nilly.

That is our man. We did a rap pop because that is a fun time. Can we go out on that love? Throw it on a song. And Willie, oh, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, I would have peed at the door in a tail. That's funny. That's funny. And I shocked me. I was shook. I was trying to write a report suddenly. I was like, what the hell?

I didn't say this at the start of the episode. This is also our final one for 2019. Oh, goodbye 2019. You've been good to us. Oh, yeah! Next week we'll be coming out on New Year's Day. Oh, my goodness. I know some people say, not a great year,

but to them I say, whatever, it was good for podcasting. Oh, for us it was our best year yet. It was huge. We did chosen Adelaide Brisbane, Perth, Melbourne, Sydney, Thailand and all over the UK. And Dublin. And Ireland. And Scotland.

That's massive. The most live shows we've ever done, the biggest crowds we've ever played too. Thank you so much. More people listening to the show than ever, people supported us on Patreon. So for us, it's been, well, we just love it. Thank you so much. We'll put out the bonus episodes. So we did 52 pods, then we did 24 Patreon episodes.

Plus, did you miss a week for primate? Did you do 50 or those? 12 by the end of the year? I would have done, I missed one for Bookchips at 23. So, oh, Matt! Listen now, it's a new podcast we launched on the network, which is a dozen or so episodes. Insane.

It's been a big year for us. Huge year. So so we want to say Thank you so much for the people that have listened and people who have had a tough year the beautiful thing is it's about to end 2020 I got a good feeling about it. It sounds fresh I really does feel like it's gonna be a good year. Yeah, we hope so we hope you have a a nice end of this year Sorry to speak for you guys. I hope I assume you think the same. And hopefully you have a beautiful start to next year and we can't wait to see you then. Follow us on all the normal ways that do go on pod on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, at Gmail if you want to get in contact in a longer way. We've got t-shirts and stuff online,

which the shop's having a little break until the new year, but if you can still buy it, you just won't be sent out to early Jan. And, yeah, that's pretty much it. Thanks everyone. Thank you, Dave. I'd love to say thank you, Jess and David. Thank you, Matt. Thank you, Matt. Thank you, Matt. Thank you, Dave. Thank you. Stop it. What a great team we have here. I feel very lucky to get to do this with us.

Yeah, onto that. It's hard to be sincere, but thank you guys so much. It's a real privilege. I could probably say this off air to be honest. But I won't. He won't. then I'll say thank you and goodbye This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network visit planet broadcasting dot com for more podcasts from our great mates I mean if you want it's up to you This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify

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