Do Go On - 219 - Horace de Vere Cole (the Original Prankster)

Episode Date: January 1, 2020

Born in the 1800s, Horace de Vere Cole lead a life full of pranks aiming "to prick the pompous and the vain", recorded live at the Wardrobe in Leeds, we hear about his greatest hits.Matt is performing his new show MONKEY HOUSE is on in HOBART on January 9th and 10th, BRISBANE March 10-15 and MELBOURNE March 26-April 19, find more details/get tickets here: https://mattstewartcomedy.com/gigs (use the code 'podcast' for a special listener discount)Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPodSubmit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-TopicTwitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasREFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.thevintagenews.com/2019/04/20/horace-de-vere-cole/https://www.nytimes.com/2006/04/01/opinion/a-fool-there-was.htmlhttps://sniggle.net/cole.phphttps://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1088790/King-pranksters--uproarious-story-Prime-Minister-8217-s-brother-law.htmlhttp://ahistoryblog.com/2013/05/21/william-horace-de-vere-cole-1881-1936-a-man-of-few-parts/https://www.express.co.uk/expressyourself/228767/Privileged-prankster-who-died-pennilesshttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dreadnought_hoaxhttps://web.archive.org/web/20180509133131/http://blog.nationalarchives.gov.uk/blog/bunga-bunga-great-edwardian-dreadnought-hoax/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horace_de_Vere_Cole

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This episode of Do Go On is brought to you by me, Matt Stewart, and my 2020 live comedy show Monkey House.

I'm bringing it to Hobart for Fringe at the edge of the world at the Republic. Cool pub there on the 9th and 10th of January. Then I'm going to the Brisbane Comedy Festival in Brisbane at the Powerhouse from the 10th to the 15th of March and back home to Melbourne for the Melbourne International Comedy Festival at the Victoria Hotel from the 26th of March until the 19th of April. You can grab tickets to all of these shows. Come to all of them. Why not? With the discount code podcast for our Matt Stewartcomedy.com slash gigs, that's Matt Stewartcomedy.com slash gigs. Anyway, on with the intro. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network.

Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Welcome to Do Go On. I'm your host, Matt Stewart. This is a show where we tell you stuff about things and we've got a bloody crack an episode coming up today. It was recorded live in Leeds at the wardrobe, a fantastic venue there in the north of England and we had a great time. Looking forward to you getting to hear it and I'll be checking back in with you at the end of the episode to give you some more facts, some quotes and questions and shouting out to a few patrons, that sort of stuff. But in the meantime, enjoy. Do go on live in Leeds. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

People definitely haven't already seen me tonight. Ready to podcast. Oh, thank God. That would have been so awkward to be scared now. Are you ready to walk to the stage all the way from Melbourne, Australia, three people, including myself. Please welcome. Dave Warnocky, Jess Burgess and Matt Stewart and Stughey.

Ah, good evening, ladies and gentlemen, leads. How you doing tonight? That's what I'm talking about. Thank you so much for coming at and joining us for another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Wonki and I'm standing here with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart. What a pleasure to be here. All right. He cheered at everything you said.

And then there was, I reckon, I made a couple hundred people silent. Just by being polite. I don't know what these people want. Those fucking idiots. Okay, I get it. I get it now, you dick. Dick fuckers? No, that was mixed.

That was a mixed response to that one. Setting the tone there early. Great, we'll sit down, let's do this. Thank you. Thank you so much. Now, we're just like you. Seathed. Dave, normally to kick it off, you explain the show a little bit.

Have you seen the show before, sir? No. I don't know what it was about you, but I just knew. Was it the confusion on your face? That shock. At least it's not disdain. Which is what I'm aiming for tonight. So.

There always in the front row too. There's always someone in the front row who has no idea what they're doing here. And I respect the hell out of that. You as well. Yeah. Thank you so much. You hate him for that.

Oh, man. Man, how many beers have you got stacked up there? Four stuff. Four. That took you way too long to count to four. Oh my God. Well, thanks for being here. Well, let's get to know you as a group now.

On the round of, on the count of three, give me a round of applause. You've ever heard our show before, if you have heard it. Fantastic. Oh no. Oh no. You said on the count of three.

You said on the count of three and then you... You just don't. Thank you so much. It will take me way too long to count a three. I'm much like this man here. Other end of the scale. Now don't be shy.

Let's not make this man feel like he's the only one. Give me a round of applause on no count of three if you have never heard our show before. A couple people. So you had the grace to sit. Over there. Wait, that really felt like you were having a crack of this man.

No, I heard. Oh. As long as the target was clear. Front row centre. Honestly, that seat should have been for a true believer. No, we're kidding. Thank you very much for coming. Appreciate it.

You've obviously been dragged. And if you need help, you let me know. If he's had a few too many beers. Count him. Once he can't count him, We'll get you to a safe place. I went dark. I'll shut up for a bit. For the people that haven't heard the show before,

the few people here, what we do here at the DoGOn podcast is take it in terms to report on a topic often suggested by a listener, and tonight it is my good friend, Matt Stewart's turn. Oh, you think of me as a good friend. Oh, that's nice. I'm always nervous when it's my report, and the crowd are going to be like, oh, fuck.

They were very polite about it tonight. They're with you on this. We're all with you. All right, great. Well, the way we get on the topic, sir, is... I'll ask a question and then they try to answer and that'll get us on the topic. If they don't know, maybe someone in the crowd will, and will. The question is, who was the original prankster? I also thought of the offspring straight away.

A song that I gave way too much credit for when it came out. And upon re-listening, it's no good. Jesus. That's a good answer. Just tricking. Gotcha. No, it wasn't. But that fuck, that would be a real funny way to do a report on Jesus.

Who was the original prankster? I'm keeping that one in the back of my mind. The next time you ask the question, who was the original prankster? Well, no, you're doing the Jesus Christ. Yes. 100% that's going to happen. The Jesus Christ? Yeah.

I did say also said report at the end of that sentence. so it didn't make sense. Originally he was the Jesus Christ until Justin Timberlake came along and said drop the the the, you're getting that? Social network. Anyway, when you explain it

you know it's a good call. That is pretty funny if you get it. And I did not. I'm confident you probably don't know this name because I've never heard of it before. Does anyone have any guesses in here? Is it a Roman guy? Look, to be honest, it's not, he wouldn't be the original.

It's from like the late 1800s, but someone probably pranks pre him, but... I don't know what you think pranks are. But I'd call what he's done a little more than a prank. Allegedly, allegedly. Allegedly. That is important. If this one goes public, then... That covers you legally.

I'm feeling a little bit stressed up here and fortunately I'm not able to sweat so you can't see that I was in the Falklands War Cool as a cucumber, never sweat never It was not Prince Andrew but it was in fact a man named

Horace DeVur Coal is my guess You always get it That was it, yeah Well done. Can you say the name again? Yeah Horace de Verneux de Verve Cole Is that close enough?

Close enough, yeah. What did I miss? Ah, you added a V. Did I? Anyway, it was suggested by Callum MacDonald and Alistair McGregor. A couple of Macs, all right, here we go. Horace DeVur Cole.

All right, so now I'm going to start telling him about something. He probably would have picked that up, but I don't want to leave any man behind. All woman Wait, I'm not I'm confused by the heckle But I liked it all the same I've done

I've given him confidence And It's the worst thing a heckler can have Horace Horace Horace DeVir Cole was born on the 5th of May 1881 in County Cork

Oh thank you A very good one, okay 1881, a very good year Fantastic year So it was born in In County Cork Island, his parents were William Uting Cole, a British army officer in Mary DeVier. Uting. Uting.

I love that. His father, William, the Uding one, died of cholera in India when Cole was Butterboy. Butterboy, yeah. Butter boy. It was a little phase he went through. He thought he'd be a superhero, but grew out of it. Cole's family was full of movers and shakers. His mum was from the DeVier family.

or DeVur, depending on how it's actually pronounced, that once held the now dormant title of Earl of Oxford for centuries. They held it for like... Centuries, yeah. And now it's dormant, will it erupt once a year? You never know. His dad's dad got rich in the quinine game. It's pronounced quinoa.

Quidditch, quinoa. Apparently it's the flavour of tonic water and maybe a malaria medication. maybe. Yeah, that, okay. There's a scientist in, so that's handy. I just feel I didn't tonics. Okay, Anna, what is the word? Quinine. It actually doesn't come up again, but thank you. That's Camone. Just in case. Personal knowledge. It's good to know. The clothes under UV. Don't we all?

Holy fuck, you all sound the same. What you doing? Is that you? Is that one of yours? I'm so sorry for you guys You sound like me Sucked in His sister Annie would go on to marry Future British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain A few chamber heads in

His great uncle was an Irish poet of a note named Aubrey DeVille You heard of him? No, have you or are you just like willing His paternal uncle Alfred Clayton and coal would go on to be the governor of the Bank of England. This is your Kennedy family.

This is amazing. Everyone in the family seemed to do something big. According to the Express.co.com.uk, a very good source. He rebelled against his posh upbringing, becoming a socialist and fierce critic

of anyone who took themselves too seriously or wielded authority unfairly. His stated aim was to prick the pompous and the vein. Despite this, Cole was educated at the prestigiously pompous Eton School. Is that school? School. Sorry, school.

If you don't know the school, do you guys know Eton School? That's a Prince William school, is it? Yeah, apparently it's famous for having produced 20 British PMs, including Pitt the Elder, who is my, I would call the best ever British PM. And also the second best ever Prime Minister, Boris Johnson. Yeah, how do you feel about him here? Honestly, my favourite is the one from Leeds. I mean, not every city has a Prime Minister.

What do you mean? What? I don't know what I'm saying? After Eaton, Cole became a lieutenant in the army and rose to the rank of acting captain during the second Boer War. On the 2nd of July 1900, he was wounded and recovered in hospital over the following months before leaving the army due to. his injuries. It was given

1,800 pounds for his disability pension, which he donated to a fund for war widows and orphans. That's very nice, but was he able to sweat? Never again. Never again. Did he ever take his daughter to a pizza express?

Allegedly. Allegedly. I mean, we can't confirm that he definitely went to a pizza express. Very controversial thing for a royal to do. the most controversial thing I've heard associated with that

with him. Is that right? Well, don't read any further. In 1902, Cole went to Trinity College at Cambridge. This was the setting for his first great hoax or prank. I totally forgot we were talking about prank. Yeah.

I was like, when does this guy get interesting? Here we go. Cole read in a newspaper that the Sultan of Zanzibar was visiting England. So along with his chum, which I assume is what he calls his mates. Adrian Stephen, they hatched a plan to fool the town. To set it up, they sent a telegram to the mayor saying,

quote, the Sultan of Zanzibar will arrive today at Cambridge at 427 for a short visit. Could you arrange to show him buildings of interest and send carriage? I'm sorry, he was turning up at 420. I knew you couldn't let that go. You can't get there two minutes earlier or just wait three minutes. I don't know if he can control the trains, man. You're the Sultan of Zanzibar. Yeah, he can control the trains.

You can control a train. I think something's been lost in translation here. He's pretending to be the Sultan of Zanzibar. What? So the groundwork was done, and Cole and Stephen got dressed up in the most Zanzibarian garb they could find. Getting robes and turbans from a theatre costume guy

named Willie Clarkson. Apparently it was one of the best in the biz. To complete their look, they wore what one article called heavy makeup, which is code. What, for theatre makeup? Or what's that code for? Yeah, Dave, yeah. Theater makeup. Yeah.

Nothing with that, right? A dark shade of... Yeah. Theater makeup. Just a foundation that doesn't exactly match your skin tone. Right. By a lot of shades. Yeah, blackface.

Blackface, yeah. Oh. Stephen dressed as the Sultan while Cole posed as his translator. Oh no. When they arrived, according to the New York Times, the Cambridgetown clerk or clerk met their train at the station

and escorted the Royal Party with full pomp to the Guildhall where the mayor gave them a formal reception. I didn't think it was weird that the Royal Party was two dudes. I thought the Sultan will just travel with one friend. Yeah, surely he would have brought Turtle and E and the rest of the gang.

I read somewhere that they brought a few friends along, but I liked a picture of just the two of them. They then spent the day receiving a guided tour of the university, including their own college. Oh. There's pictures of them on the wall, they're like just leaning strategically. During the tour, they were seen by friends.

but somehow were not recognised. Wow, the blackface was dark. Like, blackface doesn't... It looks like white people... It doesn't look like black, you know, it doesn't... Yeah. It's not convincing. You said this guy was the best in the biz.

He transformed them. Yeah, it actually worked. Like, people were convinced that it was the Sultan of Zanzibar. I can't... Yeah, anyway. It is hard to believe that they were. wouldn't just be so over the top that it's like, this isn't real.

Apparently the English are pretty gullible. Down south. Oh fuck, that was close. At another point, they were almost caught out when an elderly woman wanted to talk to the Sultan in his native tongue. But according to an article in the Daily Mail, the quick-thinking divert hole

averted disaster by explaining that she could only address the Sultan if she became part of his harem. She declined the offer. Probably a good call on her part. Soon after, with less than an hour after arriving, they asked to be returned to the train station. You know, that's all royals travel.

So at 527, they were back. Sorry, sorry. It was less than an hour. It could have been 522, 521. It could have been any of those numbers. 520 would have been great. No. But they didn't want to commit to the bit and catch the next train to London,

so they ran out a side exit, jumped in a cab and went to a friend's place to get out of their costumes, and returned to school before the 10pm curfew. Nerds. The hoax received media attention in the following days after Cole gave an interview to the Daily Mail. He's like, yeah, sucked them in. The St. James Gazette called the joke

a most audacious practical joke. Feeling embarrassed, the mayor, after the mayor sort of looking all these photos with him and showing him around and stuff, the mayor was pretty embarrassed by it. He wanted the pranksis to be punished and thrown out of the school, but the vice-chancellor was able to convince him

that it would only lead to more negative attention and embarrassment. The mayor didn't take any further action, meaning the guys basically got away with it, Scott Free. Was it actually the vice chancellor? Was it just someone dressed up to him? No, I don't think we should be punishing them.

So that's one of his better-known pranks, one of his first big ones, but it's only one of a very long list. So he's just going to wait long enough and then they'll feel awkward. And then one of them will try to get an applause going. It won't pay off, but...

But they'll try. Yeah. His pranks tend to be expensive people he viewed as pompous. Often figures of authority or other pretentious types. People Cole thought needed to be taken down a peg or two. One such prank occurred at a theatre during a performance of what Cole saw

as a pretentious play. Bit of a wank fest, probably, is what he would have called it. The way the story is told varies based on the source, but the gist is that Cole gets hold of some tickets to the show. These tickets for seats in strategic locations, which he then distributes to a bunch of bald men. From the balcony, the bald head spell out a rude word.

Do we know the word? It's reported differently either bollocks or shit. It depends on how many bald guys are available that day. The end of the show is us turning around and you see this swear word shaved into the back of our heads. I reckon that'll show those crossy old dines.

Bullocks? Oh dear. time in London, Cole organized a dinner party, spending a bunch of time deciding who to invite. It's a very particular guest list. And once the party kicked off, he left, letting all the guests interact with each other and introduce each other. And they soon figured out that all of them had bottom in their last name. Charmed, hello, Lord's side bottom. Oh, I'm Johnny Rear Bottom. First thing you thought of.

Any rear bottoms in tonight? Yeah! How did I know? In January 1910, Cole's chum from Eden, Oliver Locker Lampson, was elected to Parliament. Cole was with Locker Lampson when he challenged the newly elected Parliamentarian

to a foot race down a London street. To sweeten the deal, Cole offered the MP a 10-foot head start. Of course, being a Horace de Vicarre story, I lost control of that. It's a hard name to say. Horace Devere Cole story. It wasn't a simple foot race.

Prior to running, Cole quietly slipped his gold watch into Locker Lampson's pocket. Then, as the two men began running, with Locker Lampson 10 feet ahead, Cole started yelling, Stop, thief! That's so good. And this is a newly

So a policeman promptly stopped Locker Lamson and it was in the process of arresting him before Cole came clean telling him. It was all just a joke, I'm the original prank so don't worry about it. And then he handed him a business card? After the cop realised the, released a politician though, Cole started waving a stick around like he was conducting an orchestra. It's a real mad dog. This was enough for the cop to change his mind

and he arrested both men. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. What's the charge conducting without a permit? Apparently, he was seen to be moving his stick around in a dangerous manner. Lager Lampson was released without charge though, while Cole was found guilty of a breach of the piece

and fined five pounds. Ridiculous. Which in today's money was probably a little bit more than that. 15, 20? Yeah. That's so dumb. This all brings us up to his most famous prank.

Oh, my whistle has been wet by these early pranks. Yeah, a couple of little hors d'oeuvres to get us ready. That same year, Cole pulled it off his piece de resistance. Which is French for Peace of Resistance. I'm pretty sure that's true. Anyone speak French? No, so we'll never know. So we'll never know the truth.

I'm pretty confident. It's what is now known as the Dreadnought hoax. As well as being an Australian heavy metal band, Dreadnought was also the name of a new class of ship in Britain's Navy in the early 20th century. Britain's navy in the early 1900s was apparently the envy of the world and one of the foundations of the empire's strength. The Dreadnought built on this foundation, with the new ship being described, according

of the BBC, as the most deadly fighting machine ever launched in the history of the world. Yeah, God bless. God seen Gareth. You've not seen Gareth. Okay. And then a very tall, skinny man did this. Shit scared, Gareth. You've not seen Perker.

All right. I now know how the show ends tonight. Me killing Gareth. His name's Gareth. I'm scared. Not Gareth. Release the Gareth. Yeah, okay.

I hear it now. That is scary. The Britannica. It's all right? The Britannica. The Britannica states, the Dreadnought immediately made all preceding battleships obsolete. Wow.

See you later, battleships. Yeah, it had to be one of them previous ones. Yeah. It's just one ship left in the whole world. That's kind of nice. The Dreadnought became a powerful national symbol for the British people. This is you guys. Yeah.

Any dreadheads in? It's unveiling Drew an enormous. I added a second to Annam. For just to really underline how enormous it was. Ananormous. It's unveiling. and an enormous crowd and this power was even harnessed

by advertising executives. Historian Jan Ruger has listed examples of Jan Ruga. Sorry, sorry. Matt missed an accent on her name, so. I forgot how much talking I was going to do. I've overestimated how many beers I can drink.

So, according to historian Jan Ruga, there are plenty of examples. of where the Dreadnought was used by marketing types, including for OXO stock cubes, where they use the slogan, Drink Oxo and DreadNort.

That's pretty good. Is that a pun? Yeah, yeah, so it was a play on words, yeah. Oh, yeah, he calls everything a pun. I'm right, aren't I? It's more nuance than that, is it? Is this the time to have the combo? Can anyone, like, concisely explain what a pun is? to me.

Yeah, that is a pun. It is just wordplay. It is just wordplay. And puns are wordplay. Oh. Someone thanks wordplay, but this is a play on words. And I think they're saying there's a difference between it. I forgot that your culture is actually built around puns.

They love them here. Yeah. Does everyone actually go to the Christmas pantomimes? We see signs of them everywhere. I don't know. That is good fun I could do that every year and still enjoy myself

Yeah, no want to kill myself This is where Shakespeare was from Yeah, that was a lot of Shakespeare too Was it really? No Fuck Yeah, both of them you have to suspend a lot of belief Okay

And disbelief? And disbelief? You were not driving us home suspend your belief you will not disbelieve what you're about to see you will not disbelieve is that a pun

no I know it's not I know it's not this guy's furious he needs he needs people to understand what puns are and aren't and their word play not play on word

anyway a tailoring business also used a slogan around that time well let's find out dread nought and wear British clothes It's basically the same pun.

What a vague advertisement. Wear British clothing. Yeah. Any, any. As if you want it. Oh, yeah, soft sell. I love it. Negum, you know, like,

Negum. You're wearing those shoes with that hat? Good luck. Anyway, I want to make out? Am I doing it right? I only read the first chapter. Shoes with that hat. Am I in the right ballpark there?

Which one is this the secret or is this the game? Doesn't matter. Two very good reads. Oh, the game. The game. Hey, don't hate the... The CF Martin Guitar Company released their top-of-the-line acoustic guitar around this time, calling it Dreadnought.

Oh. After the ship. That's why it's relevant. The name guitar after a ship. Yeah, because it was big. and top of the line and a world beater and the best and an acoustic guitar. Is that why last night or earlier, I can't remember what it was, we're driving along today and in Glasgow there was a guitar shop,

picture of a guitar, and a Martin acoustic guitar and you said, do you know what kind of guitar that is? What style? And I said, I think it's a dreadnought and you just went, yeah. And then he goes... Yeah! ...the back seat and went... Honestly, those two things are not related. Since then, it is a...

It has been mimicked by... That style of guitar has been mimicked by most other acoustic guitar manufacturers. This style of guitar is now known as Dreadnought, regardless of the manufacturer. Fun fact, early, huh? Yeah! Jeez, look at them having fun out there. A smattering of applause. Thank you so much.

That back pocket of... They've got my back. Yeah. These front... Motherfuckers, no. He's up to... six. Thank you so much.

Someone just said you got this. He was talking to the guy drinking. You got this. Anyway, point is, the Dreadnought was an important ship to the British Navy and guitars and whatever. And also the British people. Pranks! Yes.

I think something's going to happen to the Dregnord. Were you talking about the Australian metal band? Yes. Yeah, it's true. They're going to have mild success. over many years. So yeah, the British people love this dreadnought. Does anyone here old enough to remember when the dreadnought was king?

You am him. You am him the ship. I'm going to stop asking you questions. So the British people found a very important, so much so that someone like, harass... Oh my God! Well, that's two of us that aren't driving home. Horace Vertical might see it as needing to be.

be taken down a peg or two. He's going to take the ship down. Oh, no. Yeah, he's going to take it down a notch, mate. This ship's got a real ego. Yeah, oh yeah, big time. Do you remember Adrian Steven from just before? Yes, he's chum.

Yes. His sister, Adrian and Stephen's sister. Adriana. Was Virginia, Stephen. Oh, close. Later to marry a man named a wolf. Oh. Making her wolfie lady man.

Virginia Woolf Famous for being portrayed by our Nicole In the film ours or something Haven't seen it but Nicole Kidman National Treasure They hate Nicole I hate Nicole

She won an Academy Award for that portrayal She's very beige Like she's got There's something in her basement You know But beige for you Is a serial killer Yeah

What? Or do you mean she just has storage? Bage paint. You do not fuck with Nicole Kidman. Do not fuck with her. Oh my God. I'm so sorry Nicole. Nicole.

Oh no, we're in Nicole's basement. We didn't know. It's like that movie that she's in where we were ghosts all along or something. Are you talking about Tony Collette in the sixth sense? No, what am I talking about? Oh, I cannot understand what they're saying. The others, yes.

Holy shit, it sounds like they're saying something else, all right. Sounds like they're saying, the others. Oh, I fucking love your accent so much. Thanks for translating. Was that an echo? It went, Leads, Leeds, Leeds, Leeds, Leeds, Leeds, Leeds. Love it. So good. Leeds girl, are you out there?

I can't see her hands. She's just, too. Yeah. Stand up. I am standing up. Anyway, so Virginia Woolf is Adrian's sister. In 1940, Wolf spoke about the origin of the Dreadnought hoax, remembering that some officers of the Dreadnought and another naval ship, the hawk, had a bit of a feud

saying, quote, Cole's friend who was on the hawk had come to Cole and said to him, you're a great hand at hoaxing people. couldn't you do something to pull the leg of the dreadnought they want taking down a bit ships don't have legs how fuck do you prank a ship it doesn't give a shit

that's a pun that is a pun this is the only country you get away with that in try and tell me that's not a fucking pun in Australia honestly that would get a boo in Australia I love that they would take away just as comedy licence for that

So this man who went to Cole ended up saying Couldn't you manage to play off one of your jokes against them? And this must have been music to Cole's ears because he started planning a big old prank And it pretty much resembled the earlier Zanzibar hoax So he dressed up as a ship He's wearing grey face Yes, I am made of metal

And it was really awkward because he accidentally had booked two ship dates that same night on either side of the dock. To do so, he recruited a group of friends including Adrian Stephen, Virginia Stephen, Later Wolf, future barrister Guy Ridley, soldier Anthony Buston and painter Duncan Grant. Grant, Wolf and Stephen were all associated with the influential Bloomsbury group.

Familiar with that? Yeah, they're modernist people. Yeah. The costuming skills of Willie Clubs. Arxham were again employed. No. Turbans, fake beards, and yes, blackface, once again used in an attempt to resemble the Abyssean royal family.

So you say Abyssinian. Abyssinian. Thank you. Apparently the stage makeup was fragile, meaning the group couldn't eat for fear of it rubbing off. How the fuck do they eat? They... Little cats.

Is that how they do it? Yes. Okay. A telegram was sent to the command. commander in chief of the home fleet writing Prince Macalyn of... What did you say? Abyssinia. And Sweet arrive at 420 today.

Weymouth. He wishes to see Dreadnought kindly arrange meet them on arrival. Despite the message misspelling Abyssinia, missed one S. That's probably I was pronouncing it wrong. The message seemed to work. There's an interesting note.

note in Peter Stankski's book that discussed the events saying that Cole found a post office staffed by women only to send the telegram. Telegram. He's not the telegram? I've been here like four days and I'm already speaking like them. So his logic was that women were going to be less likely to ask questions. And he was right, they didn't. And I can say that as a feminist.

Cole, Cole dressed in a top hat and tails, went along with the fake, a... Abyssinian entourage to Paddington Station in London telling a staff member at the station that he was Herbert Commondelli of the foreign office and that he needed a special train to take them to Weymouth

the station master obliged arranging them a VIP coach Imagine that, we should try that Yeah, they'd have a spare train sitting there Arriving in Weymouth They were greeted with a naval honour guard According to the Daily Mail, once they'd arrived, the naval top brass suspected nothing

and the royal guests were Julie ushered aboard for a full tour of the ship and its famous guns. In response to descriptions of the Dreadnought's awesome firepower, the visitors reportedly nodded appreciatively and replied, Bunga Bunga. Remembering they're still in blackface. Virginia Wolf is in this. Virginia Wolf in a beard and blackface is going around saying bunga, bunga.

She's one of your most famous writers. And also was played by Anna Cole. Things got nervy on the ship when the group were invited to lunch. Oh no. Knowing that this would spell disaster for their makeup, a quick-thinking Adrian Stephen, posing as the interpreter, explained that eating would be unacceptable on religious grounds. And they accepted that.

We don't eat. We don't eat. We're religious. If we eat, the chef will have to join our harem, I'm afraid. That is a rule. They also showed their appreciation to the naval officers by attempting to give them fake military honours. I like it was attempted.

The military didn't accept them, obviously. No, thank you. No, no, thank you. Adrian and Virginia's cousin, naval commander Willie Fisher, was present throughout. But failed to recognise his close-relly- Their cousin was in the tour. He didn't recognise his two close cousins.

That makeup dude is really good. Virginia was wearing a beard. Yeah, she was pretty well hidden. It wasn't until later that the prank was revealed, with Cole sending a photo of the group in costume to the Daily Mirror. Looking at the photo, it is wild to think that they weren't uncovered. The prank led to much embarrassment and ridicule for the Royal Navy, and much like the Cambridge mayor,

the Navy demanded the perpetrators be arrested. But as they hadn't technically broken any laws at the time, they once away got away with it. Barring a symbolic ass-spanking by junior Royal Navy officers. I mean, they fully got away with it except for just a tiny little while. Does your Navy still spank people? Is that a... Allegedly.

Oh, yes. Yeah, I was spanked so hard on the Navy. lost the ability to sweat and isn't it amazing that nothing they did there was illegal fooling the Navy by pretending like impersonating a royal and being in blackface all of that was above board apparently

that was his grandest prank probably but throughout his life Cole also performed much smaller pranks including this one as told by the Daily Mail a regular prank was to wander the streets with a cow's udder poking through his fly Do you just mean like a little teat or a full udder? I was picturing just a teat, but...

A full udder. Oh, what's happening there? At the moment of optimum outrage, he would then produce a pair of scissors and snip off the offending protrusion. One of those friends who's really fun in small doses. You know, you're like, oh, it's a bit of fun, but share house, no thank you.

Yeah. Does not turn. He's on. He's always on. Future Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain was later asked by Cole's sister Annie what he thought of her brother. He later recalled, I was obliged to say what I did think. But fortunately, it appeared that her opinion was the same and she was not all inclined to be proud of her brother's exploit. It appears that he is 28. I think he must be a little mad. Jeez!

In 1918, when Cole was 37, he married an 18-year-old. Irish heiress named Denise Lynch. Good instincts there, yes, it is creepy, yes. Oh, right. Why are they doing? Is it because she's Irish? Dave's waiting until he's 38 to take a younger bride. Aren't you Dave? No?

Leeds, leaks, legs, leads will be available. Don't you paint me like that. So, would you rather I paint you in blackface? I prefer Greyface, thank you very much So they were married 37 year old Cole 18 year old Lynch

And on their honeymoon in Venice Cole left his bride one night To perform another prank Just going out for a prank See in a minute He got to get you to think He went on their honeymoon He couldn't hold it back

Take a fucking holiday buddy Yeah You know, it's a job He's got to go drill a hole in a gondola or something. Imagine. This is hilarious when the moon hits your eye. I don't know a real Italian song, so I just sang that one. Well, I'm actually 118th Swiss Italian, so...

I think it's 116th. Sorry. So I could tell you a few. Vábene Amore. C. Signore. Rarita. They're a couple of big hits, but I can...

It's a beautiful language. It's a beautiful language. Lausannea La Beautiful. Is this borderline racist? I did tell them I was one 16th. Swiss Italian. Yeah, but they can hear the sound coming out of your mouth. That sort of gives a different impression, if I can be honest.

Ah, Vobeni, Vovini, Vobeni. A laura. The prank this time, on his honeymoon, was to travel to the Italian mainland to purchase horse manure before returning to Venice with it and sprinkling it around the town under the cover of darkness. His wife's now sleeping. He's taken a boat back to the mainland to buy horse manure.

Come back. Sprinkled it around town. He has got them. So Venice was a city without horses, you see. This is the prank. So locals would have woken up the next morning confused. Why all the horse poop? And he would have been there going,

Sike! And they would have been saying, Sorry, no English. Come into kiame, me, me call me, Matteo. That's one of the phrases I remember. From my childhood, it's a Swiss Italian boy. Cole and Lynch had a daughter named Valerie together,

but when Cole's property investments in Canada went Sarah in 1928, the marriage fell apart. She dropped him as soon as he went sort of bankrupt. But she was rich. Kids, am I right? Wasn't she an heiress? Yeah.

So why did she need him for the money? Well, I guess, you know, that's all he had. I don't know. Probably also he went pranking on their honeymoon. Yeah. Cole moved to France. It kind of exiled himself. He moved over to France.

And at the age of 50, he married once again. This time, a little little. older, a 23-year-old. Relatively younger, but, you know, literally older than the 18-year-old at the time, but actually younger than her now. Yes. Her name was Mabel Wright. But as the Daily Mirror writes, and also the Daily Mail, which is more accurately

what this one is called, in this marriage, the joke was on him when his second wife gave birth to a son. The child, it turned out, had been fathered by another man. The artist, Augustus John, a friend of Coles. Jokes on you, Dick. Yeah. The ultimate prank! Yeah.

The prank's got him. Got him. Got him. The New York Times also cruelly points out that, in the end, even the strategies of subterfuge that had seen Cole through a lifetime of practical joking began to betray him. The ordinarily restrained dictionary of national biography reports that Cole's, quote, advanced deafness prevented him from realizing that his carefully timed coughing

was inadequate to cover his explosive breaking of wind. I had to cover a fart with a cough. But all good things must come to an end. And in 1936, at the relatively young age of 54, Horace DeVier Cole died of a heart attack. A year later, his brother-in-law, Neville Chamberlain, would become the PM, and the Daily Mail observes, what a pity for that bleak era in Breast. British history that Verticole was not around to lighten the mood. Ah, yes. The end. Matt Stewart, everybody. I like to finish on a real high note. Remember when he pretended

another was his dick? And then cut it off. Did he start screaming when he did that? Yes. Yes, he did. That does sound fun. We have the day off tomorrow. Want to go pranking? Anyone got any spare udders? Are we in other country? Yeah. What's Leeds is a big thing? Udars, yep, great. Well, we've come to the wrong place.

Perfect. Perfect. And also, of course, Mark Voduka. But not. The other one where I've been told I should not mention the other Australian Leeds player. Nicole Kidman. Do not say,

Harry Kew. Apparently he's a real dog. They don't give a fuck. I forgot that our... audience doesn't give a shit about sport apart from that guy I think the show's over now oh it's behind you

thank you leach leitz leets leats leeds leeds leeds how we're doing on the back she's dead she's gone past her bed time she had a 10 p.m. curfew

thank you so much for coming out led to dinner and we're going to say thank you very much one more time and until next time I'll say goodbye later! Fantastic show. Complements to the chef there. We had a really fantastic time in Leeds

and really on the whole UK and Ireland tour would recommend doing it yourselves if you ever do you get the chance to tour a podcast across those fantastic aisles you should. You really should. But before I close out the show this week, I've got a few fun things to tell you about, including everyone's

favorite segment of the show. It's the fact quote or question section of the show. And to get in on this action, you can go to patreon.com. Thank you. I almost forgot. Patreon.com slash do go on pod. And you can sport the show there in a number of ways, different levels, get your different rewards. There's things like bonus episodes. We do two a month now. You can also get in on a a private Facebook group where there's a lot of chat every day about different do-go-on-ish subjects and a bunch of other things including shoutouts but this one if you're on the Sydney-Shaunberg deluxe memorial package level you can rest in peace you can give me a factor quote or a question and that is exactly what the following two people have done firstly

a long time, fact quote or questioner, Kevin Ulysses, Packrad. And you also get to give yourself a title. And Kevin has given himself the title of an ordinary man except I'm actually a bagel. Whoa, you sound delicious, Kevin. And he is offered us, not a fact, not a question, but a quote. And this is that quote. I don't read them until I read him. So in case I fumble, that's my excuse.

Kevin writes, Kevin the Bagel writes, this is one of my favorite quotes from the Wes Anderson film, The Grand Budapest Hotel. Please read it in a fancy British accent. Okay. Can do. You're playing on my strong suit there. I'm the man not only of a thousand noises,

but I also do 17 different voices. So that's a lot. I do about six, six different voices. But here's one of those. Let me get that quote back up. here, Uno Momento. Okay, you wanted a fancy British accent. Okay, here we go.

Been watching a bit of the Crown. I've finished season three of the Crown, so I'll merge all of the characters from that into one voice here. You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse. It's kind of bit saddivorous slaughterhouse. It's kind of a bit South African there.

That was once known as humanity. Indeed, that's what we provide. That's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant. Oh, fuck it. That's a quote from Gustav H. I appreciate everyone listening through this part of the show. I'm sure that everyone's still tuning in and would have really enjoyed what I did there. I was kind of imagining if Winston and Lizzie had a like a South African child.

And there's nothing fancier than that in terms of British accents. Thank you so much, Kevin. Hopefully that is what you were looking for. So I'm saying it a bit distracted there. I've zoomed in too far on my screen and I can't get it to shrink. Shrink, damn you shrink, but it won't. Anyway, I'll get through this. I've gone through tougher times,

even than having too much Zoom on my screen. The second fact quote or question comes from RT, and he's or she's given themselves, or she has given themselves the nickname, or sorry, the title, Alien Overlord Welkimer. And again, a quote, another quote, fantastic. The quote is, oh, they say, hi, I'd like you guys to read my favorite quote.

It's from Terry Pratchett's Nightwatch, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Terry Pratchett, I've been keen to do a Terry Pratchett episode of primates at some point because the librarian, a bunch of people have told me is an orangutan. And there's also been to talk, maybe it would be cool if we can get a book cheat. Anyway, it doesn't matter. This quote from RT is from Nightwatch, Terry Pratchett's book. And it goes like this.

You'd like freedom, truth and justice, wouldn't you? Comrade, Sergeant, said Reg, encouragingly. I'd like to be a hard-boiled reg, said Vimes, shaking the match out. There was some nervous laughter, but Reg looked offended. In the circumstances, Sergeant, I think we should set our sights a little higher. Well, yes, we could, said Vimes, coming down the steps. He glanced at the sheets of paper in front of Reg. The man cared.

He really did. and he was serious. He really was. But, well, Reg, tomorrow the sun will come up again, and I'm pretty sure that whatever happens, we won't have found freedom, and there won't be a whole lot of justice, and I'm damn sure we won't have found truth. But it's just possible that I might get a hard-boiled egg.

It's a good quote. It's a passage. That was fun. I don't know if I fully took it all in as I was reading it, but I'll read that again. privately soon. But yeah, no, that is true. Freedom, truth and justice, unlikely to come to you overnight.

Hard-boiled egg. I mean, it's all about keeping your expectations in check, I suppose. Fantastic quote. Thank you so much, RT. Our new Alien Overlord Welkmer. Someone else we like to do in the end section of the show

is to thank a few Patrions. And this week, we normally do a game, that Jess comes up with, I guess it would be appropriate for us to us being me sitting here by myself to do some sort of a, some sort of prank-related thing. Maybe I'll give each of the shout-outs a certain prank. Starting with, sorry, I forget that I've, well, we had a few holes in our system. The way that Patreon sorts the names via date seems to throw up some random holes. So I've been going back through and finding all the people we've missed over the years. So I've just got to go find who it is. Okay, so this week, I'd love to thank long-time supporter, waiting very

patiently. I'd have to assume from Bingham in Nottinghamshire in Great Britain, it's Benjamin McRobbie. So he's been waiting a good couple of years. So I really appreciate that very much, Benjamin. And maybe what's your prank? Okay, maybe your dad, right? Benjamin's got his dad's hats and he put them all in a bag, and he put the bag of hats up above a door, and then when his dad goes through that door, all the hats fall down on his dad. And that is a pretty good break. Oh, that is very good, Benjamin. I wish I was there to see the look on their face as those hats came tumbling dead. quite a collection too as I understand it so many hats many many hats but not where they should

be up on the hats there no no no they are all falling all over the dad that is very good stuff well done Robbie I love that one very much thank you so much for your support over these many years who else have we got here who else have been waiting patiently as I scroll down here Okay, from two harbors in MN USA. MN, I'm going to guess, is Minnesota. Minnesota. I'd love to thank Nathan Hanson. Nathan Hanson, you bloody legend.

And your prank, of course, actually I think it made the papers when you took one car. You took just the one car to start with. You got to start small. And you tipped it on its roof. and all the people came out and they were, where's that car on its roof?

And the thing was, you were still inside the car and you were asleep. And that threw extra confusion into it. Even you didn't know how to explain that part because you really should have got away from the prank, but no, you remained there at the scene of the crime asleep inside the car. And I was spinning around on its roof.

and the person whose car it was, who was your third cousin, was pretty upset. But you still, you know, look back and laugh now. And that's the main thing. And thanks so much for your support, Nathan Hanson,

your bloody legend from Two Harbors, Minnesota, or somewhere at least in the United States of America. I'd also love to thank another patiently waiting supporter of the show from Dundee in Scotland. Dundee, I know there's a Stuart, my name's surname Stuart is actually a Scottish name as Scottish roots and Dundee there's a Stuart whiskey there Stuart's Dundee decanter I've never been able to get my hands on one Scott if you're down the shops and you see one feel free to grab it and I'll I'll pick it up off

your next home I'm in town uh did I say your name I'm saying Scott as if that's just the I mean that is where you're from you're a Scott but your name is also Scott McFarl and if I didn't already say that. Scott McFarlane of Dundee in Scotland, your prank course was you went for a swim and you told everyone you were going for a swim and you did go for a swim. That's not the prank. The prank is hopefully going to be the next thing I say and that is that during the swim, you just kept going. You kept going and going. You said you were just going out for a little swimming and you're going to surf back. But you kept swimming and you swam all the way to the neighbouring Isle of white, which I believe is somewhere in the vicinity of Scotland.

And that is quite a prank. You should have seen the looks on their faces, which you couldn't because you were some miles away. Anywhere from a couple of miles up to hundreds of thousands of miles, depending on how good or bad my geography is. Anyhow, thank you so much, Scott McFarlane. Your support, and I don't mean this lightly, it means a lot to us. It really does.

whole bloody lot. Maybe that's enough for this week, just the three, because I'm only one man. You don't want to hear me just doing a bunch of these rambling on. So we'll get back into that next week when the whole crew around my superior officers, Jessica and I was going to call it Jessica Simpson. Jessica, what's our surname? Perkins and David warn a key. And I can't wait to see him again.

I'm feeling a little lonely. The other last thing, actually, I was almost going to get out of here before my time because the last thing we're going to do is thank a couple of members, welcoming them into the Triptitch Club. These Patreon supporters have been supporting us now for over three years.

There's just a couple to be entered into the club this week, and they are from Australia's capital city, Canberra, Anna Casey, and also from Leeds, in West Yorkshire, Isaac Smith, who we also thanked belatedly last week. So Isaac, geez, all your Christmases have come at once, which is nice because it was around Christmas time, so that does make some sense. Thank you so much, Anna and Casey, or Anna Casey, and Isaac, and Smith, Anna and Casey, Isaac and Smith, you to the bloody tops. And Dave is starting to say that

he's not going to do it, but I'm going to hold him to it. He said, He would put all the Triptitch members on a plaque thing on our website, maybe in gold writing, maybe not, but, you know, probably in a relatively fancy font. Anyhow, I can imagine you are not enjoying me droning on. So I will wrap it up now. Thank you so much for joining us again. I hope you enjoyed that episode. We will be back again next week with another fun, bloody time.

And I can't wait. For one, I for one. Cannot wait. And we look forward to seeing you then. If you want to get in contact us with us, you can do via DoGoOnPod on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. And you can also email us at do go on pod at gmail.com. And you can also, you know, just look out your window longingly. And imagine we're there in the middle distance.

Either and all of those options are viable. But until next week, I will say goodbye and later. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want, it's up to you. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later,

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