Do Go On - 221 - The First Quintuplets

Episode Date: January 15, 2020

The Dionne sisters caused an absolute media and global frenzy, because all five of them were born at once! They were the first set of quintuplets to survive past infancy, and their early life story is weird a wacky.Buy tickets to our live shows here: https://dogoonpod.com/events/Our website: dogoonpod.comSupport the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serengy Amarna 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there. Canada, we are visiting you in September this year.

If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This week's episode of Do Go On is brought to you by three shows at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. All of our shows. Yay. Dave Hughes, Peter Hellier, but Judah Flusi.

We are doing four live podcasts at the European Beer Cafe on Saturday afternoons during the Comedy Festival. And the Patreon pre-sail is currently on. So if you're a Patreon supporter, you can buy tickets now through Patreon. And everyone else there will be on sale next. week for everyone else. We'll be doing season passes again. We get to basically come to four shows for the price of three or that kind of stuff. But if you want to buy tickets right now,

how about you buy tickets to Jess and Matt's stand-up shows? Yeah, you should do that. Just to clarify, we're not doing a show together. We've learned our lesson. That's right. Two solo one-hour shows instead. We will not be doing that. Jess, let's plug each other's shows.

So I'll pitch yours and then you can pitch mine. So Jess, one of the best up-and-coming comedians in the country, is a debut solo show. It's called Almost. I'm going to pronounce it Almost. I think Jess is actually pronouncing it the traditional Almost way. And it is on at 6pm at the Greek Center. A great venue, a great time to be had.

And what a perfect time so you can go out to see a show and then maybe get some dinner afterwards. Or see another show perhaps, Jess. What do you think? Yes, I think you could see another show afterwards. Or go straight to bed. Go straight to go home, get a new show. early night. It's on at 6. You can be home by like 7.30 depending on where you live.

Yeah, but I mean. Have an average time dinner and go to bed. I mean, if you live at the venue, you can be home at 701. You can watch some TV anyway. But if you're really desperate, you can also go. It's so unfair because you were very nice. You haven't seen Matt Stewart's show. I don't know what it's called. Something dry. Monkey House. Monkey House. Matt Stewart and Monkey House. I've gone wet this year.

at the, you're at the Vic Hotel this year. What time? You don't even know. I must say seven or seven 15. Yeah, there was something around there, I think. Yeah. I was so impressed you remembered 6pm and the Greeks. I'm really proud of you for that.

You can see Match going to be home by 8.15. And you know what's so great about that? It's like you can hop into bed and like watch TV or something. You can watch an episode of something. You can still be home at a reasonable time. I'm excited to be able to leave immediately after my show and live a normal life. Well, let me just tell you, if you come to our podcast and Saturday, You could be in bed by 315 in the afternoon.

How good is that? The dream. Oh man, think of the amount of episodes you could watch of your chosen TV show. So just to recap, Matt and Justice's shows are on sale right now. They're doing three and a half weeks, 22 nights. So get involved with that. You'd love to see you there. Go to comedyfestival.com.com.

And then you just search our names. Or you go to match your comedy.com or jesspergens.com. Yep. That a u. podcast will be is on sale next week. So hang out for that, unless you're a Patreon supporter. Generally, my favourite time of year. It's like Christmas.

It's like Christmas. Actually, Christmas is also my favourite time of year because that is also like Christmas. But I do love the Melbourne International Comedy Festival so much. Hopefully, again, we'll see people from all around Australia and the world like we normally do, and that is real weird and cool. So cool. But real weird.

Weird, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're like, whoa, weird. Do you know what I mean? We're not like weird. But at that in time, we're like, we're not. like, well, it's pretty cool. It's like, whoa, cool. And then later we go, Faw, a bit weird, you know?

It's not like Jess's audition for the voiceover. I'll give you five different ways. Tell me your favorite. All right, let's get into the show. And I'll have links for everything in the episode description. I say I. Jess will have it. Bye. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Hello and welcome to another episode of DoGo On. My name is Dave Warnocky, and I'm sitting here with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart.

Hello David. Hello, Jessica. Hello, Matthew. Hello, David. Look, I've brought you here to do a quick little intro for the episode that everyone is about to hear. Wow. Wow. It's very exciting. It's nice to be involved.

Which I believe might be the last non-Petri-on episode that we'd be putting out from our live shows on the UK tour. Hang on. Just sorry, I'm just going to take a step back there. You brought us in here just for this. Yes. I know you drove 45 minutes for this, what is hopefully a two minute. You said there was an emergency.

Yes. We drove through thick smoke, Dave. My foot was trapped in the toilet. I got it out. I hoped you'd forget. I said the word emergency and no one would ever know. And now here we are. It's funny because that's something that would happen to you.

You know, somehow. Well, people say, I'm going to kick the shit out of you. Well, I got stuck. I called my two best pals. Oh, my God. Oh, well, you're only friends. Anyway, yes. What were you saying?

Something not shit related. This is the final episode we're putting out from our UK tour, unless you're our Patreon supporter. We've put out a couple of episodes, including one recently, our cryptid special. Oh, that was a good fun time. And another one will be coming out this month if you want to support us on Patreon. But this episode was recorded in Bristol. We went back to the hen and chicken because we had such a great time there last year.

Despite it being quite a small population, when you look at it, numbers-wise, they really support us in Bristol. There are 18 people live there. Yeah. It's crazy. My all more 10 friends. That was a real fun time. It was great.

Bristol, I think, was maybe where I had the one edible meal I had in the UK. Oh, my God. That pizza was so good. If you want good food, go to the hen and chicken and get a pizza. My God. And if you don't want good pizza, go to the rest of Britain. Go anywhere else. They're so close to Italy.

How are we doing it better? We are so far away. I am going to go on the record here and say, I enjoyed every meal I had a meal I had a meal. Yeah, because you have incredibly plain taste. I'm very bland. You're a basic bitch day. I love it.

Baked beans, mashed potatoes. I'm into that. Somehow they fuck it up. No, they, great. I love all the stuff that they do. And English breakfast. Yes. Can you imagine?

I think this is what I fucked up is I was trying to get like a pizza when I should have been just getting. Can I have mash and peas and beans? And the stuff they have. famous for. Matt was pretty pissed in Leeds when before the show we all ordered a food. You guys got pizza and I ordered the baked potato with baked beans and coldslaw. It was so good. It was such idiots. And the pizza was how about the pizza we had at the hotel on the last night? It was the worst of all of them.

It was oily. I still going to get that taste out of my mouth. I've never not finished a pizza. There was a pool of oil in the Santa. It was disgusting. I've never met a pizza. I haven't finished. And I'm proud of that. I couldn't finish that one. I had like a slice. It was like, Well, I'm good. And the other thing was it was like 20 pounds or something. It was so bad. They had a five pound delivery fee to bring it from the ground level up to level one. We thought, ah, to go out, we'll really treat ourselves.

But we didn't. We didn't. We punished ourselves. What'd mean cheaper to get Uber Eats? Is someone to drive the better pizza in? Anyway, I enjoyed my veggie burger very much at that place. Anyway, this episode was recorded in Bristol. Thanks to everyone that came to the show. It was a lot of fun.

One of the few times that we actually, because we just stayed so close to the venue, You could stick around and have a beer afterwards with some people, so that was really nice. Yeah. Including the famous raw Collins from the weekly Planet Network. Yeah. What's his network called? Planet Weekly. Planet Broaden.

Oh my God. Matt's been on holidays. And out of the loop. Still warming up with the pipes and the mind. And we'll be back at the end of the episode to tell you a bit more stuff. But until then, enjoy this episode more than they enjoy their pizza. It's not hard. It's like, enjoy it a minimal amount.

and you'll be winning by heaps. Ladies and gentlemen, people of Bristol, how are you doing out there? Oh, that's good. I can see some of you through this door. Someone's taking a photo of me right now. This was supposed to be a discreet intro, hello, thumbs up there. Great.

Hey, we're actually going to do the show from within here. The first three rows are getting, partially the skewed view, the rest of you are getting nothing. How do you feel about that? Someone in the front road just says, It's fine with me, okay? I'm taking that as an answer. Ladies General, what I'm supposed to be doing here

is building up a bit of energy as we welcome to the stage all the way from Melbourne, Australia. It's us, please give it up for Doogoo! So much for coming out and joining us for another episode of Doogelon. My name is Dave Wondike, and I'm standing here with Jess Poked as a Matt Stewart.

Yeah. Thank you so much. Hello. What a pleasure to be in Bristol. What I would call my favourite city in all of this county, so... Wow. All right, I've been asked for your top three there.

What's your... What's... In that number two, what is Bristol being in? Let them know how important they are. There's no county here, Dave. Trick question. Sucked in. You fucking idiot. You sound quite foolish now, having said that.

What's that... What does that mean? How's there no county here? Isn't that your system? Are we in the one place without a county in the whole country? Yeah, it's complicated. Do we slip in a while this accidentally? Someone just went, it's cold.

complicated. Yeah, all right. We went through the Cotswolds today. We picked a place on the map to go to, and a beautiful sounding place. Stroud. Beautiful town. Stroud.

Beautiful spot. Stroud. Cotswolds, Stroud. It's all beautiful sounding. Rolled off the tongue. Oh, I'd just tell you something we did today. We drove underneath your beautiful bridge. Oh, mm-hmm.

And it was sensual to say the least. Beautiful. Never seen it from below before. Oh my God, it's even better from below. Yeah, we've seen it at all angles now.

And, yeah, I couldn't pick a favourite angle. Underneath, top five for me. Top five angles. Oh, it really is a beautiful place. Thank you so much for coming back. Give us a round of applause if you were here last year

winner of this fantastic venue. Cute people, awesome. Thank you. A round of applause. If you've ever heard our show do go on before. That is a relief every time. I'll be honest. Honestly.

Other than the scale, don't be shy. If you've never heard our show before, please cheer now. Great. Hello. Can we get a spotlight on? Well, we don't need a spotlight because we've got one on the front row. Yeah. There's always one friend pointing out the one who hasn't listened.

The one who hasn't listened is doing exactly, yeah, because you're that asshole going, he hasn't. And your friend's going, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Jess, you just called the wrong one, the asshole. The one who hasn't listened is the asshole. Where have you been? Where have you been? Where do you live? Under a rock? More or less.

Under a beautiful bridge. Beautiful angle. I reckon he's from Stroud. Is anyone from Stroudian? Bullshit. Yeah. All right, okay, that sounds like someone. I'm straight out to me.

Well, thanks for joining us. We had a sandwich in your place. In your place. You broke into your house and make a sandwich. Yeah. You need bread. We destroyed your toilet. Yeah, we're gluten intolerant and it went wrong.

It went really wrong. You're laughing at destroyed the toilet, aren't you? I really like that. And you said it. I know. I know if I liked Matt's face, because he hates me. poo jokes. He hates him. Well, it's because I don't

poo myself. I can't relate to that kind of humour. That's sort of potty humour. I don't get it. But, you know, good on you guys. And shitting at your bums. God, Australians, aren't we a beautiful species?

Dave, start the show, I reckon. If you haven't heard the show before, to a few people haven't. Just for your benefit, what we do here is we usually take it in terms to report on a top. suggested by a listener. And the person doing the topic has done all the research and the other two people

don't know what it is and it is Jess Perkins a lovely turn. Okay, so the people wooing, I don't reckon they were here last year when Jess... I, how you say fucked up.

Just like earlier this tour we did Irish topics in Dublin and I chose Bono and they hate Bono so much with a fiery passion I thought I was going to die so yeah are you sort of drawing a line

between Ireland to Bono is Bristol to Dr Death which is what your topic was last year Harold Shipman I'm going to say it's a similar level of hatred yeah feels right that feels right I really didn't like him

But to get us on the topic Wait, I think she means Bono. Obviously, they didn't like Harold Shipman. That's probably almost an understatement to say they didn't like Dr. Death. Honestly, a bit of a jerk. Yeah, didn't pay his taxes. Okay, so we always...

No, that's the thing about Harold. He always paid. Always paid his taxes. We always start with a question. I've written two. I mean, are you trying to make up for lost time? Yeah, traditionally I don't write them because I'm a bit of a

A bit of a maverick like that And I forget But no, I wrote one question And then I read it backstage, I went Oh, that's probably a bit dumb So I'm going to try the second question that I just wrote Okay, well, I think that was worth explaining Just so you all know the process

This question is What made the Dionys? Canadian celebrities. Dion. Mm-hmm. All right, I'm going to need to hear the first question. Oh, wait, Canadian, Dion, Celine. No.

Was your answer going to be, what made the famous, Celine? Never heard of the other sister. What did they have to do to become celebrities? Invent something. They did not invent something. Ride a horse. They made... Together.

Oh. Backwards. Upload air Are you done? No, not at all It's even more basic than that It's something that everybody in this room's done Poohed

That is not technically true No No Does anybody in the audience have an idea Destroy the toilet I mean we've all done that at some point No one has ever said that so politely Destroy the toilet

I'm sorry I do have I do seem to have destroyed your toilet Cheerio. You people are weird. It had too many Cheerios. Gluten intolerant. Cheerio. No, the thing that the Dion sisters did to become celebrities

was they were born. Oh, we have all done that. Yes? Well done that. Oh, it takes me back. Let me explain. So, in a small farmhouse outside in rural, well done, Jess.

First sentence. I'm really worried. I wrote this a while ago, to be honest. So look, we're all reading it, hearing it together for the first time. Okay, in a small farmhouse outside Ontario, Canada. In rural Ontario, Canada, either. Oliver Dion and his wife, Elzea Dion, lived with their five children. Ernest, Rose Marie, Torres, Daniel and Pauline.

That's five kids. Okay. Rose Marie. Only a few months after Pauline was born in 1933, Elzea was pregnant again. They're not messing around. Well, they are actually. That question does come to mind and that is,

do they know what's causing it? I don't know if you can pull that out for a five-kid family. She's pregnant again. Oh. Elzee believed that she was probably carrying twins, but this was 20 years before ultrasounds. 20 years before twins. It was anyone's guess.

But she was like, oh, I reckon I've got a couple in there. On May 20th. You mean like a romantic couple? That's cool. No wonder they're famous. It was Charles and Diana. I mean joking, that were never romantic. Is that true?

I don't know. Is that true? Because Charles ended up with Bono? Ball's face. No. Camilla. Parker Bowles. So that was where I got the Bono from.

Camilla Parker Bono. Oh, boy. So she's pregnant. She's pregnant. Very good, Dave. On the 28th of May, 1934, her husband, Oliver, called for the midwives and a doctor. Dr. Alan Roy Defoe.

Amazing name. arrived and assisted in the birth of not one, not two, not three, but five babies. Oh, that last one was fun. You skip four. Just jump ahead. So they've gone from five to ten. Yeah.

Can we ask the question now? I'll allow it. Do they know what's causing it? Even today we know that's incredibly rare. In fact, it's about one in 11 million. Oh, but I'm just remembering that this is a story about twins. What? When did I say twins?

I'm not sure. You just said two names at the top. What? Didn't you say... What's the question? Yeah, I did. Okay. Okay.

What's happened there is both Matt and I have gone. There's two here. Idiots. Idiots. They can. make more than two sisters? What? Crazy.

There's five of them. So it's like incredibly rare now, but back then, it had never happened before. They were the first quintuplets. What? The first quintuplets. That is cool.

People lost their fucking minds. Imagine the doctor just keeps pulling them out. Oh my God. Like this woman's like, it's like a magician's hat. 101 Dalmatians. Yeah.

But you did say She knew she had twins No I said she thought She might have been pregnant with twins Thought might And she was wrong You jumped to some conclusions Well if she

It was good enough for her Are you saying that A mother doesn't always know In this case she did not Well That feels a bit rough from you To be fair I don't think any woman's

Conceived and gone I reckon I've got Quinn topplets in there She must have been She must have been massive. So big. So big. Anyway, let me just continue.

So the doctor, he runs into the farmhouse and he told the girl's uncle, who was in the house, about their birth. And then he ran to the post office in the next town and told everyone there. He ran to the next town. He's just a real gossipy doctor. And he seems yelling at people in line at the post office.

My babies! And they're going, what? He's already left. that's how they used to deliver the mail that guy would run from town to town yelling yelling abridged versions of

the news meanwhile so the uncle back at the farmhouse he contacts the local newspaper called the North Bay Nugget very good I've never done one of those you've never lived apparently though so the uncle contacts the newspaper but he wasn't contacting them

to tell them about this amazing occurrence. He contacted them to ask how much it would cost to place a birth announcement in the paper for five babies from a single birth. He's like, would it be more for five? And the person on the phone's like, sorry, what? So the newspaper's editor

immediately put the amazing news out on the wire service and then sent a reporter and a photographer to the farmhouse. He's like, oh no, I've got to pay for this as well. Oh no, every newspaper in the country. I just wanted to put in an announcement. Within six hours of their birth, the Dionne Quintuplets, Yvonne, Annette, Cecile, Emile and Marie

were photographed for the world to see. Six hours of their birth. Five names, Cecile and Amil. Why, you've got so many opportunities to not rhyme two of the names. My dad is John... Rime all or none of them is all I'm saying. My dad's John...

Huey and Louis Starr. Okay, all right. You let me know when I can speak. Well, I mean, to be fair, you did cut in over what I was saying. So it's a weird thing to get upset about. I'll cut in here. It's not rhyming. My dad's John, but he has a sister Joan,

like the female version of his name. That is ridiculous. There's so many names. Oh, what's happened to you? Do you know... What are their names? Joan and Joan. Joan and Joan.

Well, what about Alanis Morissette's dad, whose name is Alan? He made up a new name. Like, oh, I guess I'll call her Alarm. Alanis. Alanus isn't a real name. And that is very ironic. No, it's actually...

It's actually not. Oh, I love it. How you don't like bad jokes here. But you love puns. No. Your country lives on puns. You're pun mad. That's confusing.

What he did was the same. What's the difference? What is a pun? Was that not a pun? Not a pun. fucking hell that's confusing oh bad pun where do you draw the line

I don't know what to do with that I love baffling heckles they're my favourite but he's right we should we should draw the line of Bono I like Bono you didn't say that in Dublin you didn't have the guts to say that there

no but they weren't polite like these guys I feel like they would have really they were up and about in Dublin I think these guys would just be like they're a bit disappointed with you. Oh. Yeah, like that. Is that a Bristol thing?

Do you do disappointment here? Yes. Yes, we do, and we're doing it as you right now. Yes. Okay, so the quintuplets were born two months early, and although their individual weights weren't recorded, their total weight at birth was 13 pounds and six ounces. It's very efficient back then. Just put them all on a scale.

Six kilos. If one baby was 12 pounds and the rest were the other one pound. They were very little. So collectively they weighed 13 pounds. They were immediately wrapped in cotton sheets and old napkins. Old napkins. Yeah. Like used?

They got soy sauce all over them. I can only assume back then, in the place that you're talking about, big in Canada. Canada, yeah. Famous for its soy. Yeah. So they were all wrapped up, laid in the corner of the bed, and their mother, Elzea, she was in a bit of a bad way.

Her body obviously going into shock after giving birth to five babies unexpectedly. But good news, she recovered within a few hours and was doing a lot better. And one of the nicest things about this story is how much their local, like their community rallied around them. So the babies were kept in a wicker basket. Do they really rally around them?

Between the whole town, they came up with a wicker basket. I was going to say, that was borrowed. from their neighbours. No one had anything better. They were covered with heated blankets, which is nice, yeah. Oh, I mean, isn't it, like, famously the Wicker Basket thing

and then heat? Isn't that what happened? I've only seen film clips of it, but isn't the Wicker Man... Because this sounds like disaster to me. If you don't like that, you might not like this. You set fire to the basket. No, they were...

Because they were cold. because they were so little and they were quite ill so they took them into the kitchen and just put them in front of the oven with the door open get some of that hate Was their mother a witch in a candy house?

Their mother was a chicken nugget. That makes sense. Their mother was a chicken nugget. Into the oven. 20 minutes. I'd be fine, 80, they'll be fine. So you... A big chicken nugget

giving birth to five little chicken nuggets. I did not think I was going to be able to hold that beer in. Really, well, there go some. Is that... Can you confirm that's what you were thinking, please? Sorry, say again. How did you miss all of that?

This whole time you've been picturing a big chicken nugget giving birth to five little chickens. Oh yeah, absolutely. Wait, this whole time? Yeah, the oven had nothing to do with it. That just confirmed my suspicion. That was my big twist at the end. They're actually nuggets.

Sorry, to ruin the end. Is it because the paper was the North Bay nugget or something? Does that be it in your head the whole friend? Yeah. I don't have time to unpack your brain. Okay. So, they put them in the kitchen to keep them warm, and one by one they were taken out of the basket

and massaged with olive oil. Oh, yeah. They're nuggets. They're going in that oven They're going in What's happened here is Someone has walked in on their dad About to put them in the oven

Covered in an oil And he's going Oh no I'm just keeping them warm Keep them babies warm Yeah just put in yeah A bit of rosemary, bit of time on them Yeah we season all our babies here

Why are you wearing a bib Oh now I feel bad about this Every two hours for the first 24, they were fed water sweetened with corn syrup. Batting them up. And by the second day, they were moved to a slightly larger laundry basket. Someone found a bigger basket for them and kept warm with hot water bottles. They were watched constantly and often had to be sort of woken up because they were really quite unwell. People were worried they weren't going to make it.

They were then fed with 720 formula, which is cows milk, boiled water, two spoonfuls of corn syrup. and one or two drops of rum for a stimulant. I love old school science. Yeah. Just give the baby rum. They're hours old. So yeah, these babies were the first set of quintuplets to survive past infancy. And the world went completely mad. At first, the media attention seemed to actually be a bit of a godsend

because people from all over the country helped out in different ways. There were journalists from Chicago and Toronto, who went to see the girls, but also brought with them water-heated incubators, that people later said definitely saved their lives. So that's nice. It's not all funny, guys. Some of it's just sweet. That is nice.

Like those sweet, sweet babies. Regret face, yeah. I'll stand by what I said. Hospitals from all over the place shipped in breast milk and the Red Cross provided a nursing team that were with the babies around the clock. They had hands on care. But there were downsides as well

so thousands of people flocked to the house trying to peek in the windows to see the babies. Thousands peaking at the window. Yeah, people were just tourists. Reporters were milling about trying to be the first to break any new developments. Meanwhile, the girl's father, Oliver Dion, worried about how he would pay for medical care

and all of the other expenses of five more kids in the middle of the Great Depression. So they weren't a poor family, but I mean, they did just double the amount of kids they had in one go. So within days of their birth, Oliver was approached by the Chicago World's Fair, who wanted to put the quintuplets on display in a traveling fair for a bit. Oliver went to his priest for guidance on whether he should accept offers to publicly display the quintuplets for money.

The priest did what any good man of God would do and offered to be his business manager. Something that you haven't mentioned as well as one of those babies was a bearded lady. One of them was a strong man. One of them ate a bear. I've forgotten what other freaks there are, but there were definitely two. Try to pick of more? Three more.

Three legs. Three-legged bait. One was a rabbit boy and a werewolf as well to be honest quite a different thing And the fifth one was a chicken nugget There you go, good

Tick in the boxes So with the advice of the baby's doctor Dr Alan Roy DeFoe And his new business manager Father Daniel Rufier Oh damn it Oliver agreed that if his daughters were healthy enough they would appear at the Chicago's World Fair for six months.

Within a week of their birth, the deal had been signed for tens of thousands of dollars. And this, as I said, was during the Great Depression. So that was so much money. But the father Oliver regretted it immediately. He tried to revoke the contract a few days later, stating that his wife hadn't signed it, so it wasn't legally binding. But it didn't work, and the Chicago promoters were putting on pressure to take the babies on the road.

Oh, they're still babies. Yeah, they're like a week old And their dad sold them Is the impressive part Supposed to be that they look the same? They are identical, yes Right, but all babies They all look the same

Yeah You have five babies Wait for they're a bit older Then they'll look similar This is back in the days Where they'd put anything Is it, do you think those ladies Were really bearded?

No, you're right, they were Do you think that many clowns Could really fit in a car? Do you think that many clowns could really fit in a car? that goat was really a unicorn? The answer to all these questions is yes. You've got a lot of regrets tonight.

That door to the side of sage is so close. Just beckoning. But the baby's health was deteriorating a little bit and they were losing weight. So the Ontario Attorney General's office proposed a solution to Oliver and his wife, Elzeir. Sign over custody of the girls to the Red Cross

for two years. The Red Cross was under no obligation to the promoters. Plus, they would build a state-of-the-art hospital across the street from the farmhouse just for the girls' care. Seems like a no-brainer. So the Red Cross covered the cost of the nurse's wages, supplies, and ensuring that enough breast milk was being shipped to the hospital. They also oversaw the building of the hospital specifically for the Dion Quintuplets. It was a massive project. What was in it for the Red Cross?

Doing the right thing. Okay, yeah. Yeah. Preventing the babies from being taken on tour. So weird. What a baby rider would be? You know, what their demands would be? Similar to ours.

Yeah. Small dark room. Someone to rock us to sleep. Yep. And milk. Yeah, actually that does line up pretty closely. So... Breast milk, though, important.

Breast milk. None of this cow shit. I had four litres back. there's enough. Four leaders. It's a new tour record. He's a growing boy. Don't worry.

So they built the hospital across the road from the family home and the babies were moved over in, but you don't have to feel too bad for the parents because in February of 1935 the Dions

travelled to Chicago as parents of the world famous babies and made stage appearances. Oh, now I don't feel bad for them. They made stage appearances. And they're real fun. I think this was part of the reason that the Premier of Ontario

proposed a bill to permanently strip them of custody and make the girls' wards of the state. He argued it would protect them from being exploited and would ensure that any money made would be held in a trust for the girls' benefit. But just because the government were trying to protect the girls from being exploited, didn't mean they wouldn't milk it a little bit for themselves.

So the Defoe Hospital and nursery was built for the girls named after their doctor who ran to the post office It had an outdoor playground designed to be a public observation area I mean That is extremely strange It's so weird It was surrounded by a covered arcade Which allowed tourists to observe the sisters behind one-way screens

The sisters were brought to the playground Two to three times a day in front of the crowd It was a nine-room nursery with a staff house nearby. The staff house held three nurses and three police officers in charge of guarding them, while a housekeeper and two maids lived in the main building with the quintuplets. The building was surrounded by a seven-foot barbed wire fence. So basically it was a zoo slash prison. Yeah, if you want to make sure those babies can't crawl out.

Seven-foot barbed wire, that should probably do the trick. Hey, but I mean, you don't want to have to. have to renovate in a year or two when they grow. So you think, all right, they're going to be here for a while. Five-year-olds, generally they're seven-foot tall. Yeah. Want to make it. At the very least, they can leap seven-foot tall. Yeah, exactly. What a, yeah, so this is Canada. This is Canada. In a very different time. In the 1930s. Yeah, this is a printout and 11 world. And people just lost their minds. It's a very different world.

Yeah, it's a different time. Very different. You put babies in zoos back then. I don't know what So the sisters were constantly tested, studied and examined, with records being taken of everything. And they had a pretty rigid routine. Every morning they'd dressed together in a big bathroom, had doses of orange juice. You love orange juice, Dave. Doses of orange juice.

Yes, I take it in a syringe. Just hooked up to my veins. Yeah, that's right. The vein in his butt. It's the most vainy place or something like that, I've heard. Is that not true? Butts not meant to be vainy? I gotta make a quick call

So they'd have their orange juice And then they went to have their hair curled I assume there was a salon on premises as well They then said a prayer A gong was sounded And they ate breakfast in the dining room For 30 minutes Then they went and played in the sunroom

For 30 minutes Is everyone else picturing babies at a dining table? Yeah Big time With it like cutlery What? No nugget No nuggets.

Yes. Is everyone picturing nuggets sitting at a dining table? Yes. They had a play in the sunroom for 30 minutes, took a 15-minute break from playing, and at 9 o'clock had their morning inspection with Dr. Defoe. They bathed every day before dinner and were put into their pajamas,

and dinner was served at precisely 6 o'clock. Then they went into the quiet playroom to say their evening prayers. And then a gong was served. The gong was sounded. Each girl had a colour and a symbol to mark whatever belonged to her. So Anna's colour was red and her design was a maple leaf. So the seals was green and a turkey.

They sort of, like one of them's the most patriotic Canadian symbol. And then it drops away to green turkey. Then there's a white and a tulip. Blue and a teddy bear? That's cute. And pink and a bluebird. Come on. Pink and a bluebird. What are you fucking thinking? That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard And I just heard Dave talking about thinking kids were nuggets

Pink and a bluebird Oh, that hurts my brain I know So when you explain to people Oh no, that's mine, that's a blue bit No, my colour's blue Yes but your symbol is teddy bear These are two-year-olds having this evening

Yeah, yeah, yeah I'm assuming they were very civil about things Okay, here's a question How many tourists do you think came to see them every day? Too many is a very good answer. I'm guessing 20,000. I reckon 2,000.

20,000 a day. Yeah, that's stupid. That's too much. That's too much. That's too much. It's a dumb thing to say. I meant to say 125 people. That is as a silly as... That was a joke answer.

What I meant was 2,479. Okay, well Matt is now closer. Thank you. Because it's 3,000. I basically said that. That's a million people a year. Yeah, they, well... Okay, that's plus that.

Yeah, he's... Thank you. Thank you. Someone... I've never heard someone say anything that clearly from a crowd before. Okay, that's fast math. How many does you say a million a year? It's a million a year. Because it says that in the time they lived there, which was until they were about nine,

almost 3 million people walked through the hospital doors. So maybe it slowed down. Maybe it was seasonal, you know? Yeah, I reckon. Yeah, they shut down over winter or something. I like the fact that just had a sign up that said like, the quintuplets are sleeping. Jess doubts her facts because Dave said something quickly.

Yeah. Which we've already heard from the floor is the fastest math ever occurred. Do you trust this freak? I don't. I don't. I don't trust math. in general I think it's a sham Yeah Math is a sham

Math is a sham There I said it So it's still 3 million people Are they paying an entry fee? Yeah Oh my God Which goes to the government There's like

There's like hot dog stands And Come get the Quinn Tuplets hot dogs Yeah We're about nuggets No nuggets No that would be offensive I mean come on

But don't again Guys don't worry about their parents Because Oliver Dion ran a souvenir shop and a woolen store opposite the nursery called Quintland Is it still opposite their house?

Yeah opposite their house from their parents who no longer have custody over them So their parents are seeing them Well seeing the building every day Of where their kids have been taken The prison there

I mean it was his fault though Wasn't it? Was it his fault? He just went into a tour Yeah he signed them off to the World Fair Then he signed him off to the Red Cross to try and stop that, and then they went, actually, we'll take him to the prison. No, they said we're going to build him a hospital, and they did.

They just put barbed wire fences around it like a normal hospital. So it's, but you're saying till they were nine. So what happened? He signed him off to that. Maybe I'll get to that. Well, I mean, you've overshot it by seven years, in my defence. I will get that. Unless I miss something.

I will get to that very soon. I think I ruined it with the very quick maths. Sorry about that So the souvenir is available at Quintland I know you're dying to know what he was selling Is that a pun on Australian State Queensland I don't think it is Because that's niche

No I don't think it's a play on Queensland I think it's more like Quintuplets Yeah So Quint Yes And then have you had a Disneyland Yeah well I mean that's where the

The double meaning is where the pun comes in. So I got the first part of it. Right. That's not a pun. Or is it? Yeah, people... I can't confirm or deny if they're basing it off Queensland,

the state and Australia. Well, thank you. Well, then I guess we'll have to say that it definitely is. Sorry, you guys have any conversation in the front row there? No, that's all right. We'll wait.

I'm fucking believe. He was... Front row. Yammy, yammer. Jesus Christ. He was explaining to the guy. So one of the friends has never heard of us before, and the other one has,

and he was saying to that guy who hasn't heard us, they're from Australia. Not Queensland, though. That place is fucked. So, the superiors... What? Is there a Queenslander here? I'll fight you. I don't care.

I love Queensland. Put your hand up, you're cowards. Is it genuine... Fucking fly you, Queensland. Is there any Queenslanders then? Queenslander! They're Bogan, a lot of them. I just forgot we're recording this.

You felt so invincible. They're so far away. You can say whatever you like. We're on the other side of the world. They're going to hear that. I can't get me. They can. We'll probably visit Brisbane in Queensland next year.

No, we won't. I'll be busy that weekend. If any, Queensland is Arlesing. I'll be at the Brisbane Comedy Festival in March. Tickets at Match for Comedy.com. And you love Queenie. I love Queensland. Maybe it's because I'm a bit like them.

But only in the good ways. They're fast learners here. I like it. The souvenirs. A Quintland. Maybe based on Queensland. You could get autographs, framed photos, spoons. Spoons.

Sorry. Autographs from the two-year-old babies. Yep. I like that. You know when kids try to draw art? for their parents or aunts and uncles and you have to be like, oh, that's so good!

It's like that. But they've tried to write their names. Spoons, cups, plates, plarks, candy bars, books, postcards and dolls. Surely you could make one doll and put it in a five-pack, you know?

They're identical twins, identical quintuplets. Isn't that brutal to be selling? Like, those kids want those dolls. And every day people are coming in, taking dolls away. I'm a nightmare. Would you want to play with a doll of yourself?

Stupid question, of course you would. I would love that. There were also, this is so fun, there were also these big bins filled with three stones in them. The stones were from the area and they claimed to have the magical power of fertility.

The bins would need to be refilled every day. People would just like, Give me them free fertility stones. So they're big cum stones, basically. Dare I ask, what do you do with a stone? I think you just put it on your bedside table. I actually think you have to rub it on the area. Really?

Like a chicken nugget. What? Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm on stage. Oh, I'll just work up. We've got some questions for later. That's how you do the North Bay Nugget. That's how you do the North Bay Nugget, yes.

How long have you been sitting on that one? Sitting on the North Bay Nugget, well... It's been a long time for you, doesn't it? It's due any day now. It's been about 30 years. The quintuplets brought in more than $50 million in tourist revenue in Ontario. During the Great Depression. They became Ontario's biggest tourist attraction of the era

surpassing the Canadian side of the Niagara Falls. They brought in more money than Niagara Falls. Celebrities visited them. Clark Gable, Betty Davis, May West and Amelia Earhart. All went and visited the quid time. I was about to say, I'd say, I'd say, I'd name what I've heard of. And they were all pretty big time. That list was a lot longer.

any name I didn't know. I was like, delayed. I was like, who the fuck is that? The Dionne Quintoplis also appeared in ads for dozens of products. Dozens. Dozens. Oh, man, these kids are really being exploited. All the big ones.

Ketchup. Oats. Those little lifesaver candies. Parmolive soap. Typewriters. Bread. Ice cream and my favorite sanitized mattress covers. It's glamorous, isn't it?

They also appeared in three films in their early years. They were movie stars. Always playing quintuplets typecast. Two of the films concentrated on telling the fictionalised story of the heroic doctor who delivered the Wyat's and took care of them. So the doctor's like, yeah, I'll tell you my story. A piece of shit. Directed by...

Yeah, Dr. Allen. Roy DeFoe In the nine years They spent in the hospital They left only a few times To meet the King and Queen in Toronto And for a couple of promotional tours But later, in their life

described those years As the happiest, least complicated years of our lives They loved it in there They had a great time How do they remember it? What do you mean? They were nine You don't remember being nine? I wish

It was 400 years ago You really breathes over the King and Queen there. They met the King and Queen. How's on everyone? We've all done it. Maybe in this room. Yeah.

Yeah, that's right. It's boring for you guys. She doesn't visit us that much anymore. She's a dog. In a good, she loves dogs. It's a compliment to her. She's a corgi dog. Or whatever kind of dog she has.

Corgi is, you nailed it. Did I save that? Yeah. Some of them seem offended. Well done. I thought the queen was a joke over here. So is the queen your Bono? That is so weird.

I don't get it. Maybe we just get too much sun because we don't really care about anything enough. We tried to think of the equivalent and Dave said Nicole Kidman and I do hate her but I don't care that much. Oh, Bindig, yeah, Bindy. Oh my god

Now she's getting married Yay That'll last First thing you said to me That news came in And people were tweeting you You were like That will never last

It won't I'm going on the record now It won't last And I will be Celebrating the day They make a joint announcement It's always a joint announcement No it's not

It's one person's publicist The other's already moved out Well anyway The O-O-1's pretty dear to my heart I hate hearing just talk about them like this they're like my Winsers

who are like your royal family but not really over here the queen is a dog and the bridge is a king that's what Bristol means to me there's a king there was a quick little poem there for you

he's an artist in 1943 the girls got to got to they left the hospital to go live with their parents and their siblings across the road. By the way, their parents had two more children in the time.

They were just rolling the dice and hoping for five more, surely. They had another son two years later, so they had 13 children. Dave, they weren't rolling the dice. They were rolling the kids out of their mum. Yeah, by the 13th one. Let it go. Let it go. Is that how it works?

No. I don't know, actually. I've only had 11. You'll get there one day, kid. I've said to much. Yeah, so they've got 13 kids and now five coming back to the house, they're not all going to fit

in that little farmhouse. Don't worry. They moved to a big mansion paid for by the girls' trust fund. Yeah, their parents suck. Their life at home wasn't a great environment because the girls hadn't lived with their family

for nine years. So obviously there's a little bit of adjustment. The hospital across the street was turned into a private Catholic school for the sisters with a handful of local girls as classmates. It's like they just picked a few more to make it feel... Socialise them without the kids. Their class is full of extras. Yeah.

All paid to be their friends. They get A pluses in everything they say. The teacher's like, very good. As the years passed, interest in the girls that can to receive. began to recede, but I was still forced to dress up in matching outfits for photo shoots in their teen years. And the media continued to pry. For example, the Toronto Star published each girl's weight when they were 14. What's that relevant? It's not, no, good point. It's one of them still 12 pounds and the other four of one.

That's why it was relevant. Something's not right here. Four of these are the size of a pay. I'd read that article. Would you read that? that four girls were the size of a pea one of them is the size of a baby it's very confusing but yeah yeah we still just

treat them as normal I do want to let this very sympathetic audience know that it gets a little bleak from here cool all right uh oh no no it's not I mean or I went to say it's not that bad and then my next sentences

Emil also began to have seizures because of the stings of the day against epilepsy, the family kept a secret, even as her seizures became more frequent and severe. But when the girls were 18, they left the family home. They all moved away and didn't have much contact with their parents after that. Yeah. Maybe I should just leave it there.

Did they stick together? They move away together, the fire. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they were really close. Oh. Oh, you're scrolling over there. I know, because they just cheered, and I just want to leave them. Let's all remember this moment and we may have to come back to it.

Should I just leave them happy? All right, but this is on you. I think they can handle it. I know, but, you know. They understand dreariness. They live in England. Don't cheer that. These patronising assholes on stage going, oh, it rains a lot here, doesn't it?

Genuinely, it's not rained once when I've been outside. I've been actually a bit disappointed. winter, good luck. That's just because you want to test out your new rain jacket. I bought a fucking... I spent like a week's wages on a fucking winter coat and it has not been put to the test.

It's four jackets in one, isn't it? Is that right? Man, I wish. Just the three. A few hundred dollars more, you could have got five in one. She tried to upsell. Who needs five jackets? When we get home, you can stand in the backyard and I'll hose you down. That's all I are.

Okay, so yeah, the girls all, they left the family home, didn't have much contact with their parents. At 19, Marie joined a strict order of nuns and moved into a convent, and Amil followed her into a different convent soon afterwards. Sadly, Amel died not long after her at the age of 20 from complications from her seizure disorder. In a morbid silver lining, though, Cecil later said that in death, Amil gave her sisters a sort of release, because public interest kind of, to dry it up in them. Which is so fucked from

the public. But people finally left them alone, so they were able to get on with normal lives. Yeah, okay. You wanted this. I was happy to leave it and they didn't see their parents. Yay! You sick fucks wanted this.

So they moved away, because they moved out of the family home, now they've moved completely the other side. They've gone to Montreal. And Von and Cecil went to nursing school together and Marie and Annette roamed together in a college. Three of them eventually married

but even as adults, the sisters found it difficult to be around anyone but each other. So they remained really, really close. Marie passed away in 1970 at the age of 36. Yvonne passed away in 2001 at 64. And in the 90s, Cecile's adult son Bertrand began...

It's not that funny. Fantastic, man. He was a great name. He began to investigate and discovered how the account, like their trust fund, had been so mismanaged. And it began this huge public relations campaign

to shame the Canadian government into giving them a portion of state profits that they felt they were owed. And eventually, after a couple of years, they took home a settlement between $2 and $4 million. So they got paid down a little bit. A little bit.

Yeah, how many were alive to get it, though? Three. Okay, that's pretty good. Yeah, and two are still alive. Holy shit. When was this story from? I thought it was the 1800s. No, Cecil and Annette.

The oldest people ever. It's amazing. Cecil and Annette live in Montreal, they're 85. Oh, sick. Oh, so it wasn't that long ago at all. No, it was under 30s. Well, 85 years ago, yeah. That was a while again.

Ah, but a blip. You are quick at math. It's like a calculator up here. It's just fine. Finally, too, the exploitation of the Dion Sisters is a subject of a new book called The Miracle and Tragedy of the Dion Quintuplets. It's by an author called Sarah Miller, who's previously written about other young women who made headlines,

like Lizzie Borden, who we've done a topic on. Sarah has a bit of a hot take on today's society as well. So this is an article from The Washington Post, and it writes, given how much more is known about child development now, could that ever be possible again? Miller isn't sure, and she says, I don't think we'd necessarily have another baby zoo.

Not necessarily. But in the age of Instagram kid fluences, you could wind up kicking a different snowball down a similar hill. So in conclusion, Instagram is the same as building a baby prison and charging entry. I can say that, yeah, that makes sense.

But that is my report on the crazy... A crazy bump. Yeah. Wow. I've never heard of that. It's a wild story. I've never heard of that either. Kid fluences. Wow. What a term. It's crazy. Crazy story, yeah. There you go. Sorry that it got bleak. But that's life, you know. People put you in a prison.

And tourists look at you. And then your parents make money off you. We've all been there. All been there. Normal experiences. Hey, your queen, that's pretty much her life as well. If you think about it. Yeah, if you do think about it. Yeah, millions of people visit her house every day.

Yeah. Well, not every day. Mathematically. Anyway. How many? Cannot let that slide. I don't know, maybe 10,000, 15,000 a day. Do you reckon?

I can't wait for you to be fact-checked on that one. Yeah, you're going to get a tweet. I'm going to sit by Twitter here. You're going to get a tweet about that. Um, actually... If it's from the Queen, I'll be so stoked. Actually, David. No, Matt does a good Queen voice.

He's been watching a lot of the Crown. Yeah, very good show. No, David. That's actually... I think that was Mrs. Doutfire, but... No! What about, Mrs. Delfire doing the Queen? Oh, okay.

You'll get a letter from me. In about... Mrs. Stoutfire doing the Queen, doing an impression of someone from Jamaica or something. I was actually thinking it was from the West Country, but... I'm a combine harvester. Strel! Oh, he snows you. Let's get a cider. I don't understand anything, but I think I'll pick that up from somewhere.

I wish there was a curtain could drop down. It feels like the end, but here I am still sitting. getting up on the fucking stage. Well, that pretty much does bring us the end of the show. I'll save you there, Matt. Bristol, thank you so much for coming out and packing out the hen and chicken once again. Give yourselves a massive round of applause.

So good to see you. One more time, thank you so much for coming out. Legend and gentlemen, we have a big round of applause to the Henan Chicken. Still on sound, thanks for it'll do a great job. We'll be over there, but until next time, I'll say thank you for coming so much, and goodbye. Bye.

Bye. we're back in the safety of the studio. My God, that was a violent crowd. No, it wasn't. Remember the polite heckles? Chicken nugget. I think that was the most polite sort of bashful heckles I've ever said. Oh, don't look at me.

Some of the London ones and definitely the Dublin ones were really, you know, they were, well, actually, Dublin you knew what they were saying. London there was stuff that was pretty baffling. Yeah, Dublin at least made sense. and added to the story. London's arms was a lot of, sorry, what? It was a lot of stream of consciousness. And then a lot of, sorry what, and then going,

oh, I'm too embarrassed to explain. So there's all the pauses. So it was nice not to have that at Bristol. Trican nuggets? You got to do a full body thing when you do that. You make yourself small. It's great. I like it.

This is, do you know, because we haven't been in here for a couple weeks now, This is the time of the show where it's everyone's, I think everyone's favorite part of the show, the fact quote or question section. God, we got all the admin out of the way. The report. We've got the encyclopedia Britannic or a yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We've all got in Carter 95. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If I wanted to look something up, I'd jump on Google, you, fuck it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What language? Is that, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That was, is that another language is blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like sassy day

I like sassy day too So this week on the fact quote or question I guess to explain it If I can remember how If you support us on Patreon On Patreon on Patreon on the Sydney Shineberg Deluxe Package Memorial Edition Rest and Peace level

Is that it? You get to give us a fact quote of question You also get to vote for two out of every three topics But you get to give us a fact quote a question and I read two of them out each week. And this week, the first one of two is from Stefan Headley. And he's given himself the title of do go on resident spider expert.

I wonder if that is a little hint as to what his fact is going to be. He's given us a fact. And his fact is... I don't like spiders. So I hope it's not a fact that makes me uncomfortable. Nothing terrifying, please. Yeah. Well, you know I haven't read it yet.

Well, now, but you can edit it as you go. Okay. Tarantulas have retractable claws like cats. Ew. Cute so far. Which helps them to climb trees. That's sick. I can't, I just, that just sunk in.

Retractable claws. Oh, yeah, I guess that makes sense. That's wild. So it helps them climb trees. They also have dense hairy paws called claw tufts. Ah, cute. Paws, love, good use of the word paws. They have a dense, bleh.

Claw tufts. claw tufts. I don't like it. I thought you would have loved it. No. You don't know me at all. Well, let's continue. These claw tufts have microfiber hairs that use an electrical attraction between molecules to form an adhesive force. This enables the tarantula to climb up glass and out of bathtubs and also carry 173 times its own body weight.

Wow. Whoa. Dave, that'd be like you. picking up a teapot. Empty. Obviously. God, imagine Dave trying to pick up a full teapot. Oh, God.

Third degree burns again. It's happening. You and everyone around. I'm just tipping little bits on people. Oh, sorry. That is, I did not know any of that. No, that's fascinating. Climb up a bathtub.

Because a lot of the time, you always say it's barter. You're like, man, you're trapped in there. Yeah How you're going to get out? Yeah, because they're so like the baths, sort of a bathtub, it's sort of like slippery? Sometimes I can't get out of a bath. I'm slipping around.

Since my Christa festive days, I've been struggling on a little more. Get out of the bloody tub, having a bit of a soak, bubble bar. Oh, cannonball. When I get into the bath, it's almost like Dave's been swirling it around like a hot teapot.

So how much water's left. Oh, hello, Archimedes. All right. Thank you so much for the... So it takes us a little bit of time to warm up into the rifts as the years go on, okay? They start pretty rusty. We're coming off a break. Thank you so much, Stefan, for that fact, a beautiful fact.

And I'd also love to thank Craig Scrobic. Probably not how he pronounced it. S-K-R-O-B-K-S-C-R-K. Scrabeck He's given himself the title Executive Assistant to the Senior Magician of the Academics Academy That sounds impressive

Sounds like you should be well paid I imagine it would be yes To the senior magician Oh yeah oh my God Yeah Who is definitely well paid Yeah He is also given us a fact

And this fact is Here we go Better be a bathtub alive Yeah not spiders I'm in the mood for that Before kale was given the title Of a superfood Pizza Hut was the largest consumer of the green leaf.

It was used as decoration in their salad bars. That is an amazing path. People noticed how good it was for you. It was used as decoration. And it was easily the healthiest thing in the entire shop and no one knew. Even healthier than that, all you can eat, soft serve. I love the idea that probably still in Pizza Hut, the healthiest thing is the table decoration. A garnish.

The garnish is the healthiest thing. The tablecloth. Wow, that is, that's great. Love that. A couple of fascinating facts, which of course I've not at all double-checked, so if incorrect, which I don't believe they are.

I'm not meaning to cast aspersions. But don't add us, you know? I don't care. I want to believe. Thank you, Foxmolda. Thank you. And I guess now we should thank a few of our other Patreon, which we do every week.

Just you normally give us a bit of a game relating to the topic. Yeah. Okay. So there was a... So Dave thought these quintuplets were in chicken nuggets. I can't really remember my headspace at the time, but it seemed to make sense. I don't know that it did. It did to you.

But it came out and then we went with it. So what if... Chicken nugget. So what if... I hope the mic picked that up. What if for the paper? patrons, we say what food they are. It's either that or which organization their parents sold them to.

And that feels a little more bleak. Let's go with the food. And no matter what it is, Matt has to repeat it in that. Deal. And of course you are what you eat, as they say. So I guess basically we're making a judgment call on these people. Okay. First off, would I be able to thank from Piedmont in OK,

which is going to be Oklahoma, I reckon. Oliver Roselle Oliver Roselle My goodness sounds like the name of a Vino Oliver Rosel please Alright

Just a glass of the Rosel please You think you're rosé Yes but it's just sounded slightly similar It's incredibly similar Words are similar Okay his name's also Oliver Can you think of a food

That maybe rings a bell with Oliver Vermuth Vimuth Yes he is now I'm thinking yeah Definitely makes sense from what Jess and Dave, you both said there, it's got to be either an olive or a grape,

very similar looking foods. I'm more of a fan of grapes, but you love an olive, don't you? I'm on team olive. Okay, all right. But also, I've been cheating on them with team group. What about an olive dip? Oh, I love an olive dip.

A bit of crusty bread, some yummy crackers. Yes, please. With a glass of Roselle on the side? Oh, you must. I love a Roselle. You simply must. That's Roselle season. Thank you, Oliver.

Thank you very much, Matt. Can you just say that in the voice, please? Olive Dip. Olive Dip. His whole body changes. That's really great acting. His shoulders come up, his eyes widened like a deer in headlights. Thank you, Olive Dick.

Well, I'm about to heckle. My heart is racing. Here I go. So, yeah, Oliver, because I've been going back through people who've missed, and Oliver has been waiting patiently for, more than a year that he should have been. So thank you so much, Oliver. Thanks, Oliver.

Mr. Ozel. As has. Please. Mr. Ozel was my father. As has from Rockledge in Florida, Tony Martinez. Tony Martinez. It's probably the second one, isn't it?

Tony Martinez. The Floridian version of our Tony Martin? Tony Martinez. If you don't know, it's a very funny New Zealand, now Australian comedian. Legendary. Absolutely. So, so funny.

Matt, you were lucky enough to have him run Primates once in a very good episode. That is like a dream. I can't believe that's a true thing. Have you noticed that his Twitter bio now, all it says is, no, I will not do your podcast. That was my fault, I reckon. You tipped him over the edge. But Tony Martinez from Florida. That's funny.

I haven't seen that. It's a great bio. I should change mine. But mine's not true for me. Yours is yes, I will do. I think I've never said no. Really? Really?

Especially after saying that out loud. Yeah. You're going to get a lot of emails now. So Tony Martinez, what are you getting anything from that? Maybe, maybe, based off Tony Martin, maybe a kiwi fruit. Oh, that's nice. It's gold or green, though? Oh, because you're a golden boy, aren't you?

I'm a gold boy. I love a golden kiwif fruit. I don't know if I've ever had a golden one. I'm a classic green all the way. I don't eat a lot of kiwi fruit. I like it. Golden are a lot less tart, very sweet and much softer. Right.

I love the tartness. Of course you love it soft. It tastes like I'm eating nothing at all. Oh, mush! Honestly, that's why I love mushing it into my mushy porridge. Dave's favourite food is mush. So Tony Martinez, aka Kiwi fruit. Kiwi fruit.

I like it. Thank you, Tony. We appreciate it. Tony, well, yeah, let's let him choose on Twitter. But until then, let's say you're a golden. Was it also known as the Chinese gooseberry? Really? The Chinese gooseberry.

What's a normal goose berry is a different thing? I couldn't actually tell you. I guess it is. Is it because it looks like a goose egg? No. I actually don't know that we're okay. Carl's trial. It's got to be something real clever like that.

Well, that'll be fun. That'll be fun. I zoned out for a bit. I came back in the thought saying that'll be fun. It was wrong. Damn it. It did not make sense in context. I went with it.

And now it's your turn to thank a couple. I would love to thank some. a couple of people. I would love to thank from Battle Creek in MI. What's MI, Dave? It could be Missouri? Missouri or Michigan? All right.

You keep talking and I'll look that up. I think M.O. might be Missouri. Did you know, I learned a fact this week listening to a WTF podcast. Oh my God. Sorry. Brad Pitt's from Missouri. He grew up in the Ozarks. Oh, really?

His family's also there. Well, this one's Michigan. In the time you took to talk. I googled it. Well done. Because I can do two things at once. Michigan. Detroit, Michigan.

Michigan. Battle Creek. Detroit Rock City. Isn't that where Tim the Tallman-Taylor show us at Michigan? Well, it's also where Scott Lanning is from. Hello, Scott. Lanning. Scott Lanning.

Scott Lannings sounds a lot like Ant-Man. I was thinking that too. Of course you were. We're one brain. Dave, that hasn't seen any of the mobile movies. Is that it? We all seen them. I've seen three, I think.

All right. We'll have a marathon. Iron Man 1. Iron Man 3, Guardians of the Galaxy. All right, you need to see more. I do see Iron Man 2. That thing didn't make sense. Anyway.

I was a real big gap in his life. Didn't know what happened. Yeah, that's on there. It's a man who's an ant. I don't get it. How can an ant be a man? Scott Lenning. What comes to mind for Scott Lenning?

Scott Laning? Well, I'm thinking Michigan. I was thinking Detroit. Motown. M&Ms. Mm-hmm. Mo starts with an M. I could have just gone from Michigan there.

Yep. M&Ms. Any particular variation of Eminemps? Oh, yeah. What are we talking? My favorite. Well, let's keep the same shape because all of them so far I've been in a vaguely chicken nuggety shape.

Oh, yeah. So let's go with a peanut, which makes them more ovular. Will you accept ovular as a word? I will now. My favorite of peanut butter eminems. Oh, they are fantastic. They're not very common here. Yeah, you can get them every now and then you can find a small packet of them.

Wow. In a convenience store. Peanut butter is having a real heyday. Yeah. I think peanut butter might be peaking. It was very out of fashion a few years back and now it's in everything. I love it. You see it.

You know, the beers are starting to do it and stouts. Well, they haven't been for a little while, but that's my favourite beer at the moment, peanut butter stout. Oh. I'm just thinking about peanut butter. I was just into Conan O'Brien's very funny. I'm always thinking about peanut butter. Very funny podcast. Conan O'Brien needs a friend.

I'm glad we're plugging a few of the little Mino podcast today, WTF and Conan. Anyway. Well, they were advertising some sort of peanut butter whiskey and they're having debate over, no, that's not the best peanut butter whiskey. This is the best peanut butter whiskey. Like, there was so many. Oh, my God. I've never heard of peanut butter whiskey, but now I'm intrigued.

Oh, anyway. My interest has been picked. So thank you very much to Scott. You are a peanut butter. Peanut Eminem and we love you. Thanks, Scott. Thank you, Scott. Thank you, Scott.

And I would also love to thank from North Yorkshire. Oh. Oh, went for a slight accent there. Yorkshire. Oh, yes. Mark Chopper Reed. Oh, Mark Chopper Reed, the doorman to the stars. Yeah.

So we missed Chopper. Chopper, sorry that it's taken you so long to get us to get us to you. Oh, my God. Nailed it. That's Kim. I'm going to talk less. I reckon we've advertised. We've advertised.

We've shouted out to him at the other level before because he's definitely been the do-go door man. Oh, yes, for sure. So what kind of food might Mark Reed be? It's got to be around. Onion Ring. Oh, I love it, onion ring. Me too, love them. Yum.

Don't like them. Really? Yeah, maybe just never had a good one. That's true. They can be a bit hit and miss. There are some foods that are pretty safe. Onion rings can be a bit hit and miss. But if they're good, love them.

For example, pizza's very safe. It never goes wrong. Yeah, never, ever goes wrong. That was my experience up until very recently. Up until England. I believe that to be pretty true as well. It's hard to munk up a pizza. Even pretty crap pizza is edible.

That was inedible pizza. You've brought it up and I'd forgotten about it. I'd repressed that memory. Actually, I saw a picture of it on my phone the other day and I was like, why did you take a phone on it? Because I sent it to you guys. Look at how fucked this thing is. But it wasn't like that.

The first two, I don't remember it being like that. I reckon we just had a bad run. I had a great run both times. Loved it all. What are the odds that a country that big? Could have so much bad food. I think this was definitely worse, but I reckon the time before that I still struggled a little bit.

I haven't had a good meal since I got back. David, are you going to move? Are you going to move? Just move over there. I loved it over there. Honestly, their version of like convenience food, like a Pret or a Gregs on the street. We do not do that.

We do not do that anywhere here. That is good. Greg's great. Obviously, Gregs. I didn't need enough Gregs. That was my stup. I had a few bags. I had a few bags.

Anyway, Mark Choppery, thank you so much for support, aka the onion ring. Dad is pointing out me. What? What? Underring. Say the line. It gets such a beautiful, genuine delight from Dave every time. It's very sweet.

You'd think it'd be diminishing returns. No, he loves it. So funny. Oh, thank you so much. All right, finally, I'd like to thank a couple of people. Another legend that we met on this tour. A couple of nights after we did this show that you just heard, I would like to thank Simon Morgan from Lamington Spa.

Simon. And Simon. Well, I mean, he's got an obvious one, right? But it's not an oval shape. Can we make an ovular Lamington? Yeah, I reckon. You can make them any shape you want. Great.

Great Australian invention, 20 New Zealanders listening. Great Australian dessert that we've made. So is Sam Neal. Far Lap and Pavlova, all ours. Yeah, remember that time Sam Neal rode Fire Lap while eating an opular Lamington? That's our national flag. It brought a tear to my Australian eye.

Yeah. You can have Nicole Kidman. Yeah, keep her. Simon, you might know his fantastic graphic work. Yes. Because he frequently makes, Dugan related, how it is psychedelic-based images,

which we often retweet, and we definitely suggest that you follow his. Twitter and now he's got an Instagram account too. And if you got one of our Christmas cards, which is probably what you were about to say, sorry Matt, that design was from Simon as well. So good.

We should post it. Oh, and he just told us recently that he wants to donate his fee to the bushfire fund. Which is incredibly lovely. What a bloody guy. Really bad here. Really bad. Anyway, Dave, thank a couple more people.

Thank you, Simon. Who is the Lamington? Lamington. The ovular Lamington. No, you have to say it. I forgot as well this time. Like, I've got it let me do. Thanks, I would also like to thank now from Exeter in Devon.

Devin. Where who do scones right. All right. Well, I had a Christmas lunch with someone from Devon over the Christmas. Oh, tell me they haven't forsaken their heritage. I thought it was like a Geoffrey, your friend's family. They're a family friend. You know, you want to have.

something to say. So I said, oh, he's from Devin. Remind me, how do you do Scons there? I can never remember. Is it jam and cream or cream and jam? And she said, fuck off. He just didn't really commit. And I started to think, are you really from Devin?

Oh, you caught him. You're faking it? Are you faking it? He's playing this out in a, what's the scenario here? He's actually Australian. And he met his girlfriend at a pub, thought an impress her with an international... He's trapped in a life.

And this is what I'm unraveled. It did sound like I'm trying to trick him though. Remind me in, Devin, how do you say he's gone? How do they do them? It turns out he's like toast intolerance, just never eating them, doesn't like cream. He doesn't like him. He was just a bit like, oh, people do them different ways. I think people will tell you, I think you'll do one and people tell it's the other.

I'm thinking, that's not my experience. That's not true. I've nearly been murdered over there for saying the wrong thing. Fuck, we've nearly been murdered the same. Craying first in Devon. I've been to Exeter, so it's a cool city. University town. Oh, cool.

stayed in a little village outside of there It's a beautiful country What a combine ore restaurant I don't know That's somewhere around there Beautiful cider country It's funny your accent was more convincing than his I'd like to thank from Exeter

Elliot Reginald Dorson Oh E.D Fantastic name Triptitch of names there Elliot Reginald Dawson

Thank you so much for supporting the show ERD Erd Erd Erd What does Erd give you food was. Curd.

Oh, yogurt. Oh, okay. An ovular tub of yogurt. A dollop of yogurt? Maybe like a frozen yogurt in an egg shape.

Love a Froyo. An Easter Froyo egg. Yum. Okay. You have to say Easter pro yo egg. Easter pro yo egg.

Froyo egg is hard. Yeah. I got caught in the throat. You did slightly combine harvester style. Come on a horse. Thank you, Elliot, Reginald Dawson. E-R-D, E-R-D, E-R-D.

I hope that's what your friends chant at you in a display of toxic masculinity. You and your frat boyfriends from the college. E-R-D, that's like you're chugging beer. E-R-D, E-R-D. Yeah, Elliot's sick. And if you don't do it, you're putting the urd back in the urd. That's how they bully you, sorry.

Sorry, but that doesn't happen, because you're cool. I don't know. That does kind of sound like a fun time to me. I know you're trying to... Of course it does. You're trying to illustrate. Because you're the worst.

I'm just thinking, I think Jess is trying to paint a bad picture, but I don't want to be there. I do this party. That sort of depends. Yeah, you can have fun and party with your friends and have respect for other people. That's all.

Yeah. You can do both. It can happen. I think they were just mucking around. E-R-D. Anyway. Well, that does bring us to the end. Oh, no.

Sorry, one last thing I've just remembered. That's Dave saying goodbye. We've got to induct a few members into the Triptitch Club. Of course. Once I start saying goodbye. There's really no wriggle-woo. I can't stop. So this episode is going out basically straight away here on the 15th of January.

So that takes me back to anyone who signed up before the 15th of January, 2017. That's a while ago. So anyone who's been supporting us on the shoutout level or above for the last three years straight, you get inducted into this beautiful club. And one of the main things with this is Dave's going to write your name on a page on the website. I think he's... No, no, I'm going to write it down on a piece of paper and put it on my fridge. That's like...

And take a photo and put that photo on the website. Okay. I work out to do that. Didn't you put a photo of your mum? mom on there or something? No. It was do go on pod.com forward slash your mum's butt and when you went to that it was a picture of Dave giving you a thumbs up.

So you definitely know how to do it. It's still there. Is it? Yeah. And your Y-A and Mums M-U-M-S. That takes on your mum's stuff. Do you remember so many people tweeting it's like, oh, it doesn't work because they were writing M-O-M? And it's like, where Australian?

And we've spelled it out for you. You're spelling it different. Anyway. All right. That does come up a lot. We say our Australian accent means that we pronounce things differently. It's fascinating. It's what an accent is.

Yeah. It's crazy. Nah, I find it fun. We're from a different place. We are in so many ways. So I'd love to induct a few new members into the Triptitch Club. My system's come apart here because I can't remember if I've already done it for these two. I think I did.

I think I did do it. Anna Casey and I was X-Smith. I'm pretty sure I did. Okay. If I didn't, you just did it very quickly then. So you've either got one and a half or a half induction. My pen wasn't ready. Anna Casey and Isaac Smith.

I'd also love to induct from Soutersville, Pennsylvania, I reckon, PA, Alex Bache. Fantastic name. A poo to Alex Bache. I'd also love to, this can't be real, from Sans Sushi in New South Wales, which means no worry. He's in French. What? I know that because it's the name of a Friends of Rom album. I'd love to induct who we've met a few times at the Sydney show is Jai Smith.

Oh, Joe Smith. He's been, he's come down to visit me at this studio talking business. Oh, very nice. He's a businessman. I'm a businessman. Okay, mate. Well, let me talk it up a little. I've seen you wear a shirt like twice.

Oh, you need to wear a shirt. I'm a businessman. I'm a big businessman. I'm a big businessman. Come on, Bob. It's going to be more to it than that. I don't know what just happened. They're the only two inductions.

I'll have a few more to put in next week, though, by the look of it. So thank you, Alex Beshe and Jai, and Jai Smith, too. Fantastic new members of the Triptitch Club, Dave. If you could put them on your fridge. Oh, absolutely. You're going straight underneath the magnet from Cuba. There you go. Fantastic.

Now you can outro the show. Thank you to everybody who listens to the show, supports the show, gets in contact with the show at DoGowan Pod on nearly every social media. We're not on TikTok because we're too old for that. Or MySpace, even though we are old enough for that. We're definitely old enough for Myspace. I saw a great TikTok today where it was put up by one of the NFL teams where they did a split screen where they took someone taking a ball in a gridiron game and then some owned a woman dancing. but they split it so it looked like when the woman moved her hips the ball came out of her butt

and I enjoyed it. That's funny. That was funny. I mean, you haven't even seen it and what joy it's brought. I think it was the New York Giants. Look them up. Come up on TikTok. Do great work on TikTok.

I don't get TikTok, but I hope you having a good time. Having a good time out there. And you can go to our website. Do go onpod.com basically for links for everything, including the Patreon that we mentioned. But until next week, we'll say thank you very much. And until then, we'll say goodbye. Bye.

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