Do Go On - 235 - Victor Lustig, The Man Who Sold The Eiffel Tower

Episode Date: April 22, 2020

Victor Lustig is one of the most notorious conmen who ever lived. He grifted around Europe and North America using dozens of aliases and disguises to con unsuspecting people with a series of complex scams. His most famous con is selling The Eiffel Tower, not once but twice.Buy tickets to our live stream shows here: https://sospresents.com/Our website: dogoonpod.comSupport the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasREFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/man-who-sold-eiffel-tower-twice-180958370/https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/the-smoothest-con-man-that-ever-lived-29861908/https://allthatsinteresting.com/victor-lustighttps://uselessinformation.org/lustig/index.htmlhttps://observer.com/2016/12/the-most-profitable-lie-ever-told-in-history/https://medium.com/@margolestz/in-1925-victor-lustig-sold-the-eiffel-tower-even-though-it-wasnt-his-b41a3863a36fhttp://www.angelfire.com/pro/hoaxes/VictorLustig.htmhttps://peoplepill.com/people/victor-lustig/

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

And welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnikey and as always, I'm sitting here with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. And I didn't know what was going to happen. Really?

That was it. I didn't mean anything. That was the word hello. I know. That was a good result, I reckon. It was a real gamble. I could have. said some deep dark secrets.

I could have said something very racist. Or your pin. 7-842. I killed a cat. Oh no. I hate my dad. Dad listens, doesn't he? Yeah, I don't know.

That was just a joke riff. A joke. You haven't killed a cat and that is not your pin number. We assume. Pin number, Dave. That's personal identification. Number number number. Are you an idiot?

Why I said the number twice? Why I said the number twice? I am an idiot, yes. Why do you ask? I plug it into the ATM machine and I'm good to go. All right. I'm actually Dave. Very good.

Hey, what's this show again? You never explained Dave. Do you want to go? You explain it, Dave? Because I used to be the one that always explained it and I never did it good. No, you never did it good. Well, here I go. Oh, my God.

I'm going to do it good. It's so nice when it happens good. Okay. What this show is called is Do Go On. And we take it in terms of report on a topic, often suggested by a listener. And the reporter, they've done the research, the other two people that don't even know what the topic's going to be. This week, it is my turn to report on that topic. And to get on to topic, we have a question.

Okay. That was really good, Dave. That's your best effort. You did it. I was life. Do you know what it was? Do you know what it was? He didn't get bogged down in the two of the three of us.

Two of the three is a rocky road. Yeah. Don't drive down. Dead end. Okay. So my question to get us on the topic for you two is, I mentioned Victor Lustig, one of my recent reports is the man

who became famous after selling what building, not once, but twice. Selling. Yeah. You know, Apple Tower? Yeah, I was going to say that's hard. It's the only one we've done,

but I do not remember it being sold. Is he the guy designed it? So do you remember that at the time I said, a lot of people who will probably be wondering why he even mentioned Victor Lustig is famously associated with a building I said there's enough of this guy for his own report and it is time for that report I don't remember anyone's selling and I do remember a few people

boning it and jumping off it yes jumping on it I'll be only after wedlock so you know that's right I mean come on it was all above board no little bastard

buildings toddling about. That would be very cute. That would be very cute. Well, this topic... Little mice could live in them. In the human building hybrids. Yeah. Oh.

Yeah, you don't want mice living in you, do you? Well, I mean, you don't really want to be a... Do you want to be part building? Yeah. What a ridiculous question. Do I want to be part... Yeah. Obviously.

If I could be part any building, it would be Melbourne's... Marvellous Rialto building. The Jewel in Melbourne's skyline. Well, it was about 20 to 30 years ago. Yes, briefly. It was briefly the largest, the tallest building in the Southern Hemisphere. Really? Yeah, in the Southern Hemisphere.

Yeah. Wow. So it'd been about 11, 12 countries, amazing. Yeah. A couple in Antarctica. Yeah, and your fucking skyrise buildings. Skyrise? Am I okay?

Yeah, that sounds right. Isn't it? Or is it? Anyway, Dave Savers. All right, now. Yeah, no, Skyline High Rise. Dave, do go on, I reckon. I think they're called High Scrapers.

Anyway, this topic was suggested by a few people and I'd like to thank Brad Teesdale in Ropanup, Victoria, Dominic Stevenson, also from Victoria in Melbourne, Jonathan McGee from Frederick Maryland, and Dave Moraseki from Windermere, Florida. Oh, wonderful. Thank you so much for those.

those people, so you don't know much about this guy, Victor Lustig. No. In fact, I would have sworn I'd never heard that name. The moment I read it out and you were like, what are you talking about? That's when I thought, she doesn't remember this. It was like a month ago. I don't remember shit. I don't remember last week.

Victor Rustig. He liked the Athel Tower so nice. He sold it twice. If I'd said that, you would have remembered it. Yeah. That's one of his things that he said. All right, here we go. So count Victor Lusty.

Oh. I did it. Okay, he's a count. I like this. It was born in 1890 in what is now the Czech Republic. He came from a well-to-do family. His father was the mayor of the town, and his lineage could be traced back to a long line of aristocrats

who owned European castles. Victor was well-educated and consequently learned to speak five languages. What a guy. What languages? I was about to say how many languages. Five. Yes, but what were they? Do you know? Yes.

Czech? Yes. Spanish? Yes. Italian. Yes. Other. Latin.

Yes, thank you. How many languages do you speak? Two, English and other. Thank you. Latin. I mean Latin, I just can't remember the name for it. Well, that's one story told about Victorustic. Another is that he was born into a peasant family,

being forced to steal from the rich and greedy just to feed himself, and then he learned to speak five languages. So that bit's undisputed. And indisputed. one of those, or maybe another M disputed? Well, a third... Omni disputed fact is that he might not have been born of the Czech Republic at all.

He might not have been born at all. Keep that thought for the end of the show. He probably wasn't even called Victor Lustig. The only thing we do know for certain is that he did speak five languages. By the end of his run, this man would have 47 aliases and dozens of fake passports. The real Victor is hard to pin down. But that is kind of the point. He would never be binned.

Carvers himself in oil. A little slippery little sucker. Little sucker. He would go on to be the greatest grifter, conman and wrestler. The world had ever known. And whilst we might never know the real victim behind the stories, we do know some of the audacious stunts that he successfully pulled off. And this is the story of the man who sold the Eiffel Tower not once, but twice.

So good. Well, I'm, tell you what, I'm fascinated. I'm in. I'll hear more. I'm undecided. Okay, great, on the fence here. I'll try and win you over with some of my stories. Some of your little stories. Here we go.

Okay, so what we do know about the man known as victorilistic is that in the early 1900s, he turned to a life of crime. He was first a pickpocket, then a street hustler, and then a full-fledged con man. That starts, isn't it? You don't start as a full-fledged con man, do you? Pocketting's the gateway. Gateway crime.

It's the marijuana of crime, if you will. Also, I couldn't fully tell you what street hustling actually means, but it sounds real cool, so I put it in. Hustling, that's for my life. Every day. Trust the huss. Another hashtag of mine. Every day I'm hustling.

The first one I mentioned, but it's another one. First, the cons were pretty harmless, mostly slide-of-hand card tricks, conning people out of their money, sort of shell game. How is that? harmless. Is his victim not harmed? Are they not robbed?

Well, a fool in his money are easily parted, am I right? To quote the Bible, I believe. Is that true? Yeah, looked at it up. The Bible of pickpocketing. We're going to talk about that as well. Right.

Oh my God. This is good stuff. True Detective magazine describes Lusty skills as, quote, Lusty could make a deck of cards do everything but talk. But he could make them sing. He's holding him up, going, me, me, me. Me, me, me. People were like, I'll pay your money to stop.

He's like, I've done it again. Page three in the Gifting book. So he travelled around Europe, grifting, and was arrested 45 times throughout the continent, but he used 22 different aliases and thus avoided serious jail time. I couldn't think of 22 different names. Like first and surname.

No, one. Gary Henderson. Gregari, I love that. George Washington. William Shatner. Like, these are names. Combined too, George Shatner. George Shatner.

That's pretty funny. No, no relation to William. Well, what was our, also had an alias last week. What was his name? He called himself like Jerry Bourbon or something. His real name was Andrew C. Thornton II, and his fake ID said Andrew Bourbon. And he's from Bourbon, Kentucky.

I like that. Urban County. Hello, I'm Jennifer Vodka. A shake and not stirred. Hello, I'm Tracy Gin and Tonic. Okay. I'm bad at this. Yeah, Barry Beer.

That's fun. Barry Beer. Barry Beer. Yeah, I guess like Maggie Beer. There's a real guy called Gary Gary Beers. Yeah, that's true. One of the members of... In excess?

What? Gary Gary Beer. Gary, Gary beers. Where's the second Gary? In the middle. Oh, no. Oh, it could be the first one. They're both the first name.

His name's Gary Gary. How the fuck did I don't know about Gary Gary Gary? I don't know. What? Gary Gary beers. He's on our flag. What? He's an icon.

Gary Gary, Gary. Forget which one he is. He's not the guy with the glasses, though. He's also not Michael Hutchinson. He's not, what's the glasses guy name? With the pin mustache. Oh, this is infuriating for anybody at home who does know. Sorry, everybody.

No, all right. I'm trying to read Beck's lips and I can't. Do you know? Kirk and Gilly. Oh, that's good stuff. Well done, Ben. I thought he said Turkman Baschi. He is, yes.

He's a very powerful individual. Dave Brickwall. That's pretty nice. Thank you. I'll go with that. Matt, emergency exit. I mean, you picked early. With Jess Fodker.

So he's a master of fake names. He's also a master of disguise. and constantly reinvented his look using ever-changing facial hair and costumes that he carried in a trunk. How jealous are you of his ever-changing facial hair? I'm ever-changing. How?

What's changed? Some and none. That's two options. That's two, yes. You should shave part of it and then have a goatee. Oh, I'd love a go-tee. You could have ever-changing, for sure. Yeah.

I think I've overtaken you. Yeah, you definitely have. You definitely have. I cut mine back this morning, Matt. This morning it was down here. I had a wizard's beard. Dave is pointing to his his navel.

And that's not being generous. I mean, it's more down here. What am I pointing to? Pointing to his long shalom. Thank you so much. He's not wearing pants. So he carried a trunk of disguised. There's one moment he could be a suave businessman.

The next he could be a rabbi or a priest. Swave businessman is also one of his names. Swahve businessman. And his other name, rabbi or priest. Or priest. I'm sure. Hello, I'm rabbi or priest. Whatever religion you are, I am that too.

That's not smart. That'll kill him out. Whatever religion you are, I'm a different one. No more questions. That's the smart. That's smart. He could also be a bellhop or a porter. That was a common one he did.

Dressed like a baggage man, he could escape any hotel in a pinch and even take his luggage with him. Oh, smart. That's good. And that works as well for a rabbi. Famously carries bags. They could take their baggage. Religious gear in there. Yeah, that is true.

His two most definitive features were that he was fairly short. He was 5'7 as the best of us are. But this, I mean, this is 100 years ago. 5'7 would have been tall? Yeah. Would I have been tall 100 years ago? Yeah. Yeah.

I was born long after my time. I've said that before. And my beard was considered long, 100 years ago. I would have been a Ruckman in the AFL 50 years ago. Now I'd be a short midfielder. Does that help you understand? Thanks for that, everyone understand. The other definitive feature was the distinctive scar on his left cheekbone,

a souvenir given to him after he was caught with another man's wife. Oh, no. Did you have to go into a shop to purchase it? I watched a good night with this man's wife. I'd really love something to remember it by. What have you gotten the way of scars? It was before tattoos. People used to scar themselves up.

This led to him being given the nickname, The Scard. The Scard. The Scard. I don't just call him Scarface. Was already taken by the bad guy. I was already started this sentence halfway through. Well, if I could zag when I was already zgging,

yes, I would have said Al Capone. But I'm in the middle of saying the Lion King's brother. And I can't get off this course. I can't. If you meant Al Capone, that would be the third reference that we will call forward to in this report. I meant Al Capone.

Have you read this? Did you hack my Google Docs? Yeah, like some listeners think, this is a pre-written, everything we say is from a script. Yeah, like Jess Vodka. Let's get back on track, guys, okay? Page six, please.

Yeah, page six. And one, two, three, four, for a long time, the scar was really the only conclusive thing that police in different cities around the world knew about him. So eventually he'd be wanted in 40 different U.S.

cities because you have these different aliases, people would be like, the guy with the scar, that was the only way that they'd be like, oh, you're talking about the same guy we're talking about. Yeah, right. There was one man in all of America with a scar. Also conning everyone. How safe was everyone else? And lucky, you know?

They call it the lucky country. No, they know. That's Australia. We don't have scars, mate. Lusie took his street crime to the next level by travelling on transatlantic cruise lines between France and New York. He later claimed he only ever stole from the rich and greedy. and during this time he exclusively conned first-class passengers

looking to turn their fortunes into even larger fortunes. Right. So he's a real Robin Hood, if you will. Yeah, but he gives to himself. And he was poor. He's poor, so it counts. Until he gets wealthy, and then he has to steal from himself as well? God, that must be confusing.

X time, be a nightmare. He was an extremely charming man. He would convince these wealthy travellers to invest in non-existent businesses. Right. One of his scams was supposed as a musical producer who sought investment in a Broadway production. They'd give him money as an investment, only to later discover that the musical never existed,

by which time he'd disappeared forever. Yep. He step up to full cons from Symbol Carrix proved to be very profitable, and he made a lot of money doing this on the cruise ships. His grifting practice gave him extra confidence, and he even came up with the now widely published 10 Commandments for Conman.

No. So basically the Bible for Connman. That's amazing. Wow. Any highlights? I've got him here for you now. Shout, not. Not steal.

That's number one. That's the big one. It's quite confusing. He's his, be a patient listener. It is this, not fast talking, that gets a con man, his coos. Number two, never look bored. Wait for the other person to reveal any political opinions and then agree with them. Let the other person reveal religious views, then have the same ones.

Ah. Hint at sex talk, but don't follow it up unless the other person shows a strong interest. Hint at sex talk. How might one hint at sex talk? You say a phrase that sounds sexy but isn't. Like, I'm really struggling to think when I don't believe. Look at this bottle that is below me. And then if they, if they, if they get a boner, you keep talking, if not you abandon it.

You are the king of the con. Look at this bottle below me. Below me. It was such a tiny bit left. I've been saving that. It's a special day. It's especially good that you said something so creepy while your t-shirts rotting up.

Oh no. Oh no. Oh, no. Oh, no. I'm just kidding. I still respect you. Why? I don't know.

I was just being nice. I mean, over here, I'm pretty turned on right now after that comment. He's got a burner. You can keep talking. I could not believe that I came up with anything there. No, you did well. You did well. I couldn't think of anything.

Slipped it in real, like no one would have even noticed. Look at this bottle. Okay, yeah, he's saying a normal sentence here. Let's see where this goes. It is below me. Oh, I see you're interested in this sex store. Let me continue. And you realise it was just the bottle that we're interested in.

Yeah, tell me more about this bottle. That is a sexy bottle. Would you like to invest in this bottle? Oh, that was great. The final two ones that Matt has not been heating. Never be untidy. Shirt riding up there. Never be untidy.

And the other one is never get drunk. Oh. Jess vodka over here Yes vodka who? I last time I was just my margarita Beer pizza Yeah Yeah

It's my two favourite things Margarita pizza and a margarita cocktail Oh they really Yeah fuck yeah That's a perfect night for me And probably vanilla ice cream And other basic things like that Okay

It's just opening up and sharing something with you Just dropping hints In case you ever wanted to surprise me With a nice night Honestly the last little bit of respect I had for you. Margarita. What do you prefer a Hawaiian and a beer?

That's your idea on the line. Yeah. It is. I know it is. It actually is. If you want me, I'll be at the front of the plane. First class. Where we have pineapple on our pizza.

Well, sadly, all good things must come to an end. Oh, wow. Which I mean cruise liners of the day, which were suspended in the wake of World War I. So we had to give up travelling with ease. Oh, first class people grifting. Oh, grifters would be having a tough time right now. They'd be having to grift people in their lounge room. Yeah.

Yeah, it'd be all online scams. Online scams are doing pretty well. Yeah. So Victor needed some new people to grift. Eventually, he set his sights on America in the roaring 20s. Everyone seemed to be getting rich from the ever-growing stock market, and Lusdig wanted in on the action. He wasn't the only one with this idea.

Many smooth-talking European conmen had moved to the land of the free to try their hands. at ripping off the rich. During this time, Italian man Charles Ponzi, who the famous Ponzi scheme is named after, was also operating and ripping people off with his scheme. Why did I not... I did not know that is.

I did not know it was named after a single dude. That's best fact so far. I don't know why that blew my mind. Isn't it crazy? It's obvious now that you've said it. Yeah, of course. I thought it was Latin for grift. Well, I speak...

Because it sounds like a synonym for like dodgy. Yeah, because we've heard it so long. Totally. But it sounds like it. Yeah, 100 years ago there was actually a guy called Charles Ponzi who was getting people to invest and he was doing the thing where he was giving the old people money from the new people, so they look like they're tripling their investment but they weren't really.

And then it all collapsed and he went to jail. So these smooth talkers called their would-be victims Marx. And on the face of things, they were true gentlemen never assorting to violence. Again, from True Detective magazine here, Lusdig was a man who society took by one hand, The underworld by the other. A flesh and blood, jekyll and hide. So he, on the face of things, he'd look very respectable.

Yeah, right. Very expensive suits, that kind of thing. But then, really, he'd be briefing people off and also know all the criminals of the world as well. Because, yeah, if you see someone an expensive suit, you're like, well, that's a good person. That's what I assume, yeah. An expensive suit, oh my gosh. The more pinstrives they have, the better. Oh, yeah, yeah, really thick pinstrives.

Yeah, it's almost a white suit. Just a block colour. Yeah, white suits. They're most respectable. Yeah. Especially if you're some sort of a colonel. Yes. Any sort of high ranking in the chicken roasting industry.

Do you think he's a kernel of chickens? Yeah. Isn't he? Is he not a kernel of fast food? Salute me chicken. Drop and give me 20. Eggs. Yeah, right now.

It's too many eggs. I'm making it a big omelet. Lussey married a woman from Kansas named Roberta Norei, but also raised a secret family, so everything was secret, even his family. Secret second family or a secret first family? Secret second. I love the idea of a secret first family. His wife doesn't know. She's never been in the back room. You don't go out there. You won't like what you see. It's a mess. It's finger painting day. Every day. It's a figure painting day. She's like, I gave birth to those finger painters. No, I didn't. So we traveled all over North America and in 1922, Lustig went to Missouri and showed interest

in an old farm that a bank had repossessed. It was run down and dilapidated and no one wanted to buy it. Calling himself Count Victor Lustig, his most famous alias, he claimed to come from Austrian nobility that had been overthrown in the First World War and now, with his remaining fortune, he planned to rebuild his life in the USA and live as a farmer. Okay. The bank was stoked, no one else wanted to buy the farm,

and he was willing to pay top dollar for it. They thought they'd found a sucker. If no one else wanted to pay, wanted to buy it, why are you offering top dollar? Because he, well, it's part of the grift. Okay. He wants them to think, wow, this guy's really rich. Right. Dumb and a bad negotiator.

Yeah. We got a sucker. Yeah, that must be satisfying when you're sucking someone in. They're like, oh, this sucker. Yeah, sure you want to pay top dollar for this piece of shit. I mean, lovely farm. Yes. Has the Great Depression hit now?

Not quite. Still roaring. Still roaring. Well, I mean, the farm's been repossessed, but for many people, the stock market is still building. So Victor offered them $22,000 in bonds, which they accepted. Paper bonds. And he also convinced them to... Okay.

This is underwear, we're talking about. Paper underwear. Paper underwear. Bonds, that's how bonds started. The first manufactured underwear was made out of paper. Yeah. He also asked to exchange $10,000 of bonds for cash so he could set up the farm. Of course, they trusted this wealthy Austrian nobleman,

and they gave him the money in an envelope. After shaking their hands and bidding the bank as a due, Lus Digg used sleight of hand to swap both the envelopes so he got both the cash and the bonds, and he walked out. So now he hasn't paid a cent. When the bank found out, they... So they're now holding nothing. Well, we've got the envelope here.

Sucker. No, I'm sure it's got some... You got a third envelope. Like paper in it or something, and they think, Oh, great, great, great. When they got back to the bank... Like for underpants. Yeah.

Go back to the bank, they find out they're, of course, furious. They sent a private investigator to track down the swindler, but Lustig made no real effort to conceal himself and was found soon after in a New York hotel room. He was fully cooperative and allowed himself to be arrested by the detective and was on his way back to the Missouri Bank when he started talking. Right. So the farm, he never even wanted the farm.

No, he just wanted the money. That's so smart. That's a real. The extra... That's a real slight a hand thing. You think I want this farm. What I'm really doing is stealing that envelope.

But now he's on the way back to the Missouri Bank and he starts talking to the people that have captured him. He convinced his captors that if they press charges against him, it would look terrible for the bank that they'd been suckered so easily and that there would be a run on the bank by its users who would panic and withdraw all their money from this shitty bank, which would lead the bank to collapse. He convinced them to let him go

and to give him an extra $1,000, for the inconvenience they've caused him and to keep him quiet, which they did. So he kept the 10 grand and got another $1,000 and they never saw him again. That's a good grip. He was just a good talker. That's great.

That's a victimless crime, obviously, apart from the bank. Apart from a bank. But it's a bank. Who cares? That's the type of building I would want to be. A bank. I'd be full of money. Right.

Where would you have a bank midsection? Yes. And the ATM would be my butt. She's cashing out Oh yeah that would be confusing actually Maybe not my butt Maybe like maybe just in my in my tummy bit And you go boop-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b and cash comes out

If you were cashing out from your butt It would all be number two bills So we are doing an edit on this episode Yeah? Yeah Everybody watching live Edit that out of your brain I'm sorry

I'm sorry that they didn't support me Normally I laugh at their bad jokes. That is not true. That's not true. I really caught me out on that gift. Well, I've got another griff for you here. Not long after Victor was in Montreal and Mark DeBanker named Linus Merton.

Oh, that's so good. Mark DeBanker's a good name. Mark DeBanker. Sean DePaul, Mark DeBanker, my two favorite rappers. Mark DeBunker. That's cool. And it sounds a bit more European. So we marked Linus Merton this banker.

Victor got a friend, a talented pickpocket, to steal Merton's pocket watch. 24 hours later, Victor Lusig, returned the watch to Merton to gain his friendship and win his trust. That's how I... Oh, you've lost a pocket watch, oh, I found it. Yeah, great.

Oh, get talking. Oh, I'm really nice, I'm really charming. What's your religious view? I agree. All this kind of stuff. I've made heaps of friends by finding shit and returning it to him, for sure. How you've ripped people up.

No, just how I've made friends. That's actually how we meant, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. You pretend that drink bottle that I thought it lost. Yeah, I found it. You know, you're stealing something from Dave, his heart. Yeah. Give it back.

Yeah. No. You stole it through sleight of hand. Oh, no. My heart. The two men got chatting and lusting again, claimed to be an Austrian nobleman and told Merton how he'd been earning money since he lost his family's fortune during the war. He claimed that his cousin, Amil, worked as a bookie.

In those days, the horses raced, and then the winners were radio. back to betting agencies sometimes in different countries. And Lustin claimed his cousin, Amil, was able to intercept the radio wires before the local betting agency closed so they could quickly put a bet on and know the winner. Oh. That's good. Amil hears it, and there's a bookie over there that's still open. You put the money down.

You guaranteed winner. They showed Merton the scheme, and of course he was very happy to get involved. They did this for a few days, and Merton was stoked to be winning every single day. But then, sadly, one day, Victor claimed that their golden goose, Amir, that knew all the winners in advance had to quit his job because his wife was sick and they had to move. So claiming that the scheme was coming to an end, Lustig convinced the banker Merton to place one last huge bet, and he put $30,000 on a horse, which of course lost.

So Merton lost all his money. Lusdick then disappeared only for Merton to discover that the whole Buky joint was a setup, so it was a fake bookie, so Lustig and his associates kept the $30,000. Yep. It's an interesting one because you've conned a guy who thinks he's conning again. Yeah. So it's hard for him to be like, hey, this is unfair. Yeah.

I was trying to con. Yeah. But I got conned, that's not on. Hey, come on now. There's got to be a line. Yeah. And then it's just on the other side of me. Yeah.

Obviously, I'm fine. But. My heart was in the right place. Whoa. Probably his most famous con of Kord. in 1925, Luster got moved to Paris, checking into a swanky hotel, pretending to be an official representative of the French government. Oh, yes.

1925, a good year. Also, I think that was a year that a few teams joined the VFL, becoming the AFL, Hawthorne, Richmond, and the Bulldogs, I believe. Really? Fun fact. It is a fun fact fact. It's so fun, I'd like to fact check it now. No. Why would I bother?

Who would care? Who would care enough to know? Wasn't Richmond. Anyway, maybe North Melbourne. Maybe not even that year. But a fun fact all the same. One day whilst reading the newspaper, the idea suddenly hit him.

The article that inspired the con discussed the problems with the upkeep, upkeep of the Eiffel Tower, which is, you might remember from my report, wasn't supposed to stay up forever. That's right. How long was it supposed to be up for? Twenty years. Right, okay.

It was still a decent. But then they're going to put it. But then, listen to the whole. report on the awful tower, everyone hear more. But yeah, they basically kept it up because it was a good radio beacon radio tower and then it became iconic. But it's maintenance and upkeep at this time in 1925 and the paint was proving to be quite expensive. So the article even mentioned that some people had called for the tower to be removed rather than the maintenance be paid for. So Lustig got a friend to forge official-looking French documents and then used the documents to write to the top people in the

French scrap metal industry, inviting them to the hotel for a top secret meeting. The hotel Creon had been chosen as it had a reputation for government deals being done there, so it looked very affish. Once gathered, Lustig told the men, because of engineering faults, costly repairs and political problems, I cannot discuss, the tearing down of the Eiffel Tower has become mandatory. The highest bidder would be in charge of tearing it down, but would own the tower's valuable iron. He told the men that they'd been chosen because of their reputation as honest businessman. Wow.

And swore them to secrecy as pulling down the tower was pretty controversial in some people's eyes. So he said, this doesn't leave this room, but you could be on this deal. And I trust you, because you are honest. That's a good, go on. That's really good. I'm sorry, I think this guy's good at what he does. You can't talk about it, because then you might

figure out that it's bullshit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't tell anyone. Let's just keep it between us, okay? Honest businessman? If you talk to anyone, they would deny it because this is top secret. that's not true.

That's exactly what they want you to think, but they're wrong. Yeah. I don't even bother telling them. Yeah, like just don't even open that cat around. It'll just be such a tedious conversation for you to have. So just save yourself the trouble. Yeah. Anyway, from one honest businessman to another.

Well, these honest businessmen were convinced, and privately they started the bidding war making large offers. Wow. But Lusig wasn't interested in the man with the highest bid, but rather with the man that he felt he could sucker the best. Of all the men that were interested, Lustig closed in on a man called Andre Poisson and made him his mark.

Can I please call him Andre Croissant? Yes. Quasson. Huacons. Andre Quasson. Thank you. Because I'm having a total guesser of Poisson. But it sounded good, didn't it?

Yeah, it sounded pretty good. Poisson. Ah, yes. Yeah, I think you're right. I think you've done it right, yeah. According to Medium.com, Mr. Poisson was unsure of himself but anxious to make his mark in the Paris industry. When Mr. Poisson came in for his second meeting, he confessed that his wife had some doubts

and he wasn't sure if he should go ahead with the bid. Lustig responded by saying that he himself was just a lowly government official and that he was underpaid himself and implied that if Poisson added a little bit on top of his offer, Lustig could guarantee him the contract. Right. Mr. Poisson, new government officials were often corrupt and he interpreted this as Lustig asking for a bribe, which gave him confidence that it was legit. And therefore, the contract should go ahead.

Wow. Like, a man who wanted a bribe would say that. I reckon I can trust this guy. So he not only paid for the Eiffel Tower, but he added a bribe on top. Incredible. Which is all gone to Lusdig. Once Poisson paid up the cash,

Lustig wasn't a train to Austria. Just imagine him with a suitcase full of money. He reasoned that a man like Poisson would be too ashamed and embarrassed to go to the police reporting that he'd paid for the Eiffel Tower. From Austria, Lustig kept an eye on the papers but heard nothing of the con. He was right. Posan was too embarrassed and he never reported the crime.

Just lost all that money. Yeah. So how did it come out? Well, because Lustig lived like a king for a while before deciding the coast was clear and he headed back to Paris to try and sell the Eiffel Tower a second time. What? How long in between? A few months.

You're not crazy. Not a long time. That's way too soon. He was like, well, that guy is too embarrassed to be telling his friends about this. No one's going to hear. I've only five men know about this and they're all, you know, no one's going to talk about it. So he pulled off the same scam inviting five men to buy it and he picked his mark. Sadly for him, Lustig wasn't lucky this time as the mark went to the police after he ran away with the money.

And the story exploded in newspapers across Europe. And luckily Lustig... But it did work again. Yeah, he got the money. Oh, my God. Then he was reported. He was like, and then that's when the story came out in the newspapers and he became very famous as the guy who sold it, not once but twice. But he got it.

He traveled back to the USA and got away before he was arrested. What? Yeah, he's amazing. So that's his most famous grift, but not his most famous mark. The Great Depression hit, and wealthy individuals came harder to come by. So can he believe that our man Victor was so confident that he once grifted one of the most notorious man of his day. Al Kapan. No.

Okay, Scarface. So Scarface and the Scarred. Incredible. Listic knew that if he was caught betraying the most powerful gangster in the biz, he'd face certain death. So he decided a new approach. He asked Capone for $50,000 to invest in a new business. Lusig took the money and put it in a safety deposit box, and he left it there for two months.

Didn't touch it. After two months, he withdrew the same money, took it back to Capone and apologized that the business deal had fallen through. Capone was taken aback by what he perceived as the man's honesty. He told him he'd never dealt with an honest man before. He's like, most people, if the business had fallen through, would have run away with the money. Or most people would have taken, you know, would have taken the money.

But you came back to me, and I appreciate that. Yeah, right. Lustig then told him... He got a low bar for honesty, doesn't he? That was a real gamble. He then told him about his own financial hardship from the deal falling through, and Capone gave him money to tide him over.

He made $5,000 from Al Capone this way. So Al Capone just gave him money. And that was the con all along. Wow. To look honest. See, that's a total gamble, because he could have, like, he could have been like,

oh, it fell through, and he could have killed him or something. Yeah. Yeah, if you believe gangsters, movies and TV shows. You're fucked. Yeah, gangsters are often, you know, they're not that logical. No, or nice. Hmm. If anything, I'd say they're a bit nasty.

Yeah, they can be. That's my hot take. Yeah, mean. It's probably a bit unfortunate that we have to sort of put a blanket. Yeah, I hate to generalise. Generally, I hate to generalise, but... But I'm going to make an exception here. They're nasty.

They can be nasty. They're bad. Can be bad. It can be bad. They can be mean. Not Al Capone, obviously. No, not Al Capone. Oh, God, no, not Al Capone.

The exception that proves the rule. Which I never understood what that means. How is that a thing? You know that saying? Exception that proves the rule. That's the exception that proves the rule. I've never heard that. Okay, did I make it up?

Maybe. Is it a family saying? Oh, not again. Not again. Anyway, I'll Google that later. Yeah. Have you ever heard that, Dave? The exception that proves the rule.

I actually have heard that one. Okay. Thank God. You could have piped up minutes ago. I was enjoying watching Matt to freak out about his family saying. Which sold a pup turns out to be an absolute. Yeah, a real old saying, which makes sense. Because your family's very old.

Yeah. We go back for, you know, generations. Whoa. Hang on, your family goes back generation. Yeah, it does at least three or four. Wow. Yeah. How did we not know this?

That's crazy. After four years, you start learning new things. Yeah, it is nice. It's nice so that we don't know everything about each other still. There's still things to uncover, you know? I'm what they call old money without the money part. I'm old. You're old.

I'm new money. Yeah. Without the money. Yeah. I'm just new. You're real fresh. So fresh. That's vibe.

Thank you. I just showered. Yeah. And I'm just money. That's kind of true. Just Dave here dropping in to tell you that this week's episode of Doogel One is brought to you by ExpressVPN. All right, so we all know ExpressVPN protects your privacy and security online, right? But here's something you might not know.

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And after that, it's back to the main man, Christopher Eccleston. Bye. Lusig's most successful scam financially was called the Romanian box. Spelled R-U-M, Romanian box. I was going to pick up on that. Not a Romanian box. Romanian. Ruman, which is a small wooden box fashion from Cedarwood

with complicated-looking rollers and brass dials all over. it. Lusty claimed that the box was able to copy any bank note fed into it using radium, which was discovered by Maracuri. No. As well as penicillin. Thank you. He would demonstrate his device to his marks,

oftenated by his sidekick, Dapper Dan Collins. Fuck you. Yes. Dapper Dan! Is it? I'm pretty sure Dapper Dan's was the brand of pomade or hair gel from O'Brotherware art there.

Oh, okay, you're right. Really? Also, all that I can think about was dapper at the moment, and a lot of people at home might relate, because I've been playing a lot of animal crossing, and every time you catch a red snapper, because there's a pun for every fish. And when you catch a red snapper, it says,

it looks pretty dapper, and I'm broken. A pun? I, like, I famously don't understand puns, but I'm confident that's not one. No, sure it is. Okay, well, I'm convinced. It's not a fun. But Dapper Dan Collins, you think there's no way that that could get any cooler, right?

God, no. Well, the New York Times describes him as, quote, Oh, my God. A former circus lion tamer and death-defying bicycle rider. Yes. And now he's turned to Collins, Dapper Dan Collins. Dapper Dan is my dream man. Oh, I reckon.

He is incredible. Is he single? Probably dead, eh? Yeah, which means he's up for grabs. I can't claim the dead. famously. Also quoting the Bible there. Public domain, 50 years after a body dies. Anyone can have it.

Lustig and Dapper Dan would demonstrate the box of the mark saying that it would take six hours to copy any bank note. One note. Six hours. If anyone's believing, this is the dumbest of all, right? They'd put in a $100 note and then pull out another one that was printed. That's like a magic box is what they're saying. Yeah, it's a magic box. really it was the $100 note was in there the whole time

they'd have a few stuffed in there the marks would then pay tens of thousands of dollars for the machine I saw somewhere that someone paid over $200,000 for one of these machines to double their money yeah well they could just keep doubling it right yeah you do it every six hours forever they'd put a few hundred dollar bills inside

which would give Lusdig and Dapper Dan time to get away because every six hours they'd pull out a new one and be like this is still going you know that'd give himself a 24 hour head start and he sold heaps of these machines and got very, very rich. And eventually they'd start realizing that there's no way. Eventually. How could you be so fucking dumb?

You deserve to lose all your money. You dumb shit. He would say, you know, I only call them rich and very greedy people. How did you get that much money but by being so fucking dumb? That's outrageous. Yeah, I guess it was a different time. maybe before they realize magic boxes don't exist. I remember the day I discovered.

I think it was around the same time that Jack and the Beanstalk was set with the golden goose and whatnot. That's a real story, right? Is that a pun? He may have been pushing his luck there when he sold the device to a Texas sheriff. Yeah, okay. He got very confident over his life. When the sheriff discovered he'd been duped,

he followed Lustig to Chicago, where Lusig told the sheriff that he'd been using the device, incorrectly. So why did the sheriff buy or get that device because just printing money is illegal? Oh yeah, he's happy to break the law but he just doesn't want to be duped.

He deserves to be duped. So he said mate, you're using it all wrong. He did a couple more demonstrations and said, oh, it shows him and he said, because of the trouble I've caused you, I'll give you thousands of dollars of compensation. I'll give you a lot of the money back. Which, I mean, if you believe

but you're giving him an advice that can print money why would that make any sense well yeah no he just he showed him now it works like this also he's a bit more money because of the inconvenience caused here's a few that I prepared earlier money means nothing to me

to be honest why would you buy something off me I have a machine that makes money if you think about it it makes no sense that I would want you to pay me for something that I can make easily with this magic box it makes no sense at all Is that guy, the Texas sheriff, did he have a big 10-gallon hat and shoot pistols into the sky? That may have been why he gave him a lot of money.

Of course, the sheriff was happy until he discovered that the money was all fake. So this connected Lustig to fake money that federal authorities had been tracing for a long time. So Lusdick has started printing fake money and then the government became aware of it, but they had no idea where it was coming from. Now they had a bit of a connection. And now he's got a cop who wants vengeance. against him. That's smart. Smart, Victor. One of the agents later wrote, he was the only one I ever saw or ever heard of who swindled

the law, because that's how confident he was. He would swindle anyone. So dumb. So now Victor was connected to fake money, he'd gone into partnership with two men from Nebraska, a pharmacist named William Watts and a chemist named Tom Shaw to conduct a large-scale counterfeiting operation. They created thousands of dollars worth of fake $100 bills, forgeries that was so good that they even fooled bank tellers. It was considered brave to copy $100 bills because they were the most heavily scrutinized by the bank as they were worth the most, but even they passed.

Wow. The men released so much money over a period of five years, according to the Smithsonian, quote, it was feared that a run of fake bills this large could wobble international confidence in the United States dollar. Wobble. Don't wobble it. Don't wobble it.

I love the word wobble. Wobble. And you also love wiggle. Wiggle and wobble. Oh, man, so good. Two words that sound sexy, but actually aren't. I think Wobble is incredibly sexy. Hey, look at this bottle below me.

Watch it. Wobble. Boom. Sadly, all good things must come to an end, by which I mean the run of the greatest con man in history. You keep using that in... You're starting to con us a little. The context we're not used to it in, and it's...

You're the boy who cried. Dead. All good things must. last end. And it's going to come a few more times. I'm using it as a recurring trope in this episode. The mistake he made wasn't with his mark, but with his girlfriend. His lover thought he was cheating on her, so she dobed Lustig into the police. We've all been there, right, ladies? She went out in her back room and saw his secret first family.

What the fuck? On May 10, 1935, Lustig was arrested in New York and charged with counterfeiting. He was cool, calm and collected, and admitted that his partners were counterfeiting, money, but he claimed to have nothing to do with it. He had a suitcase with him which was searched and found to only contain expensive clothing. If it's a crime to be fashionable, Lock me up. Lock me up, officer. I wish he'd said that.

He looked pretty clean until they found a key on him that was traced back to a locker in Times Square that was found to contain over $50,000 in fake notes, as well as plates used to print the forgeries, so they'd got him. And at this time, this is an insane amount of money, right? Right? So much money. Like a million dollars sitting there, if that's fake. So they'd got him for a few months. A few months later, Lustig escaped from the in inescapable federal detention center in Manhattan.

Quoting from a Smithsonian article that I'll link to it in the show notes, they've worded it so well. He fashioned a rope from bed sheets, cut through his bars and swung from the window like an urban Tarzan. What do you mean he cut through his bars? How'd he cut through his bars, Dave? It's not in the quote, mate. Did he do it? Did he fashion a sore out of some sheets? You never interrupt a Smithsonian article.

Sorry, so sorry. When a group of unlockers stopped and pointed, the prisoner took a rag from his pocket and pretended to be a window cleaner. No. Landing on his feet, Lusty gave his audience a polite bow and sprinted away, quote, like a deer. So quite bouncy? Yeah.

No one or fours. Without me. He turned into a deer. The window he was wiping was a mime window. That would have been fun. Then he put a hat down, made a bit of cash. And he ran. And an or deer runaway.

He escaped for 27 days before being spotted getting into a car. The FBI gave chase for nine blocks, but Lustig's driver refused to stop. Eventually, the FBI were given permission to ram the runaway car off the road. The car was forced off the road, guns were drawn, and Lustick's car door was flung open. He calmly surrendered with the words, Well, boys, here I am. What a guy. What a guy.

Is this your car? That would have been so good. He had a well-publicized trial and one of the journalists wrote that they heard one of the Secret Service agents say to the accused, I love it. Count, you're the smoothest con man that ever lived. He was hairless.

That's something that hasn't come up before now, but he was hairless and would also bathe in oil. That's why he was so slippery. a really, yeah, like a really, he was very dedicated to his skincare routine. And also just a bit of self-care,

do you know what I mean? Self care, yeah, self-care skin care, big too. He was pampering himself, which I respect. He was pampered. He certainly wasn't pampered in prison, though, because Lusig was sentenced

to 20 years in jail for his crimes and escaping the prison, and he was forced to serve his time on the notorious Alcatraz Island. Oh, which we've done a report about? We did the escape from Alcatraz, that's right. What's he involved in that?

Which? Which is that a reporter, bad, I think. It said that he had a postcard of the Eiffel Tower taped on his cell wall with the words, sold for 100,000 francs written on it. Whoa. What does that mean? Just a happy memory.

Yeah, just a memory. Like, I sold that. Yeah. Oh, man. You've also got secret families. Have a picture of them. Yeah. Freak.

And you're in jail, mate. Yeah. How good were you at it? Yeah. You got caught, didn't you dickhead? He was a prisoner 300 on the island and referred to on paperwork. I'm a number there, Bob.

You like that? I really do. Paperwork interned him as Robert V. Miller. Oh. So that was one of his aliases, possibly his real one. We don't really know. Wow. He was imprisoned on the island for the next 11 years,

and during that time he made 1,192 medical requests and filled 507 prescriptions, most of which were ignored as fake illnesses used to concoct it an escape plan. They thought he was just faking it. Oh, I'm really sick. I need a boat and a saw and a helicopter. And for everyone to just look over there for a bit. And sorry, yeah, it is a weird new disease.

Eventually he was examined after 11 years and found to not be faking it and he was transferred to a medical facility. Sadly, all good things must come to an end. By which I mean the life of the greatest con man who ever lived. The man known to history as Count Victor Lustig died of pneumonia on March 11. 11th, 1947. His death certificate listed him as an apprentice salesman. Okay. And that's where his life ended, but a bit of a postcript. In March 2015, bringing things back to what Matt said at the start of the episode, a historian Thomas Andal from Lustig's

supposed hometown of Hostene in the Czech Republic began an exhaustive search of information on when he was born, trying to find some evidence. He wasn't listed as ever attending the local primary school and after much research and or concluded that there is not a scrap of evidence that Lustig was ever born. Which is what you said at the start of the episode.

He was never born. So this, what? And then if you go to his grave, it's just bed sheets bundled together. It was never even a real person. And then there's like a montage flashing back and a cop's being swindled by bed sheets. And the cops are, yes, I will be.

buy this boy. My God, that's the smoothest pet sheet I've ever made. What kind of thread count is that? Oh my God. There's a 2000 thread count. We've got Egyptian, cotton. Nothing but the best in this grave.

Best noise ever. We appear to have buried a turkey alive. Just pecking at the door. I thought it was a turkey, but it's bad shit. We thought it was a turkey. Why are they burying turkey? It's a different time. No.

Well, that's a report on Victor Lusig. So there's so much mystery about him. The stuff that we do know, it was a wild, what a wild life. out of his life on a little bed and yeah ended it buried alive

oh she's can't die this is the biggest tragedy oh he's still under there she can't die he's still alive now I've had it

we've said it before but he's still under there he's been there for nine on 70 years one good thing doesn't come to an end life These bad sheets.

Kill me now. Loved it, but it was so dumb. Sophicated these sheets. Sheets. Oh, it hurt. Okay. Cool. Well, that just brings us to the end of the report part of the episode.

Fantastic report. Amazing report. Thank you. I learned so much about sheets. I learned a lot about you. Okay. And I love you. more. And we also learn about the Ponzi scheme. That was a fun fact. Yeah, that's crazy.

I also, I got a message from my mum. Let me read it to you. He reads them all out, by the way, if you're new to the show. He always reads messages from his show. She wrote saying, the 19, this is, she hasn't been listening or anything. This is just coincidental, but she wrote, the 1925 season saw the admission of three new clubs, Foots, Grey, Hawthorne, and North Melbourne. So that's the Bulldogs, the Hawks and the Kangaroos. I think that's what I said, is it? I don't remember. I changed from Richmond because I think Richmond were actually 1908. Right.

Memory. Oh. 1912. It doesn't matter. Look it up. I scrubbed the whole thing from my memory. Yeah, I don't know anything. little kissy face one. She puts it at the end of every message because she loves to give me little kisses. Yeah, okay. Well, maybe my parents. Hate you.

I reckon your siblings get little kisses, I reckon. And by watching we, of course, mean we did a live stream. Our parents haven't hacked the security system of the studio and aren't watching us to a camera. My dad couldn't figure out how to buy tickets to this, so I don't think he could hack the security system, I'm honest. The cameras aren't rolling now. The parents can't hear. But if you did miss the first two live streams, we are doing the next. two Saturdays. There's still two

live streams to come out. Really been some of them. I don't know if it's because I've been bottled up at home for six and a half days that coming in here is even more exciting than normal. And I'm normally excited. But it's been so much fun these first two. I'm really looking forward to next week already.

Yeah. But it is now time for everyone's favorite segment of the show. It's the fact quote or question segment, which I think has a little jingle. Fact quote or question. And you can get involved in this if you go to patreon.com slash do go on pod and you support us. There's a bunch of different levels.

One of them is called the DB Cooper level, which now gets you from next month three bonus episodes. That's right, that no one else is. Sorry, say again. A mini report, some sort of a random episode could be about anything. And a third new one, which is about the movies of Brendan Fraser. Like a Frashe re-cap show where we go through all the movies of Brendan Fraser. and it's called phrasing the bar, which it turns out I possibly accidentally stole that name

from the mic check podcast. I messaged Alexi from the mic check podcast to say, hey mate, had you said this once before, have I accidentally ripped this off you? And he said, maybe years ago. Why are you? Like the sort of subtext was, why are you telling me this?

Yeah, it's fine. And I said, is it okay for us to call it that? And he said, yeah, of course. but you've got to plug my new podcast, which is Total Reboot, which is so good. It's one of my favourite podcasts where they go through movies that have been ripped off, rebooted, or one other thing, recast. That wouldn't be it, but it's another. So is there a possibility that they may do an episode on Frasing the Bar because you ripped off their idea?

Oh, wow. So they do series, so they've done Star Wars and then the movies that inspired Star Wars, starting with some, I think it was maybe a Japanese cowboy movie or something from memory. Wow, cool. But yeah, a bunch of different ones. So I would highly recommend listening to that podcast. It was Mike Check as well, which is about the movies of Mike Myers. It's much fun.

Yeah, Cameron and Alexi, you host that are both very, very funny. I can two of the most talented podcasters in the business. And I've been on episodes of both those shows, so, you know, you know it's good quality. They're letting me on. Probably two of the weaker episodes of both those shows. But still, anyway, so you can get involved at the Patreon. And one of the levels, the Sydney-Shineberg Memorial Rest and Peace level, means you get to give us a factor quote or a question.

You also get to give yourself a title, and we read two of those out each week. I don't read them out till I read them out. That'll make sense if I fumble on something soon. That's me sort of pre-apologising. Yeah. So the first one is from Thomas Dopelrider, and he's given himself the title of official Quizmeister for Dogo Patrions. Oh, wow.

Dave, how do you feel about that? That's okay. You don't look okay? You don't look okay. You look furious. I would have thought that would have been almost the exact title you'd give yourself. I'm happy to share with someone as great as Thomas. He is furious.

Oh my God. His fists, they are clenched. Oh, fists are fiss of fury of you. Like that Arthur meme? Yeah. He is now a human embodiment of the arthur name. Yeah, of whatever that animal is. Advark.

Oh, wow, they did not nail that. in the drawing. I don't think they wear glasses or sweaters. I actually would be excited if he is the official quiz master and gives us some quizzes. Because I love to play trivia. Oh, actually, Thomas, are you the Thomas who does a monthly quiz and he posts it on the Patreon group? Oh, of course.

And there's always a connection. You post nine questions and then the 10th one is, what's the connection between these questions? Some of them are very hard. Oh, cool. Honestly, if you really want to earn this title, next time I have to do a Patreon bonus episode that's a random topic,

you need to send me that quiz and I'll read it out to Jess and Dave if you really want to live up to your name and save me from having to write a quiz myself. Are you man enough? Huh? That's fun. I love that idea of, yeah,

like, gilting someone into doing your work for you? Yeah, outsourcing it. What, are you man enough to do my work for me? I bet you not. Let's find out. If he loves a quiz, has he asked, a question? He has asked a question. Well done. And his question starts like this. As the official quiz master of the group, it is my duty to ask a question. Of course. Yes. It's a good stuff.

If you could invite a guest to, bracket, no limitations, close bracket, or in America, they'd call that some other word. I forget what, but anyway, it doesn't matter. Parentheses. Thank you. To your pot. So if you could invite a guest with no limitations, to your pod to present a topic, who would it be, and why would it be MESO? Well, because he's the official fourth Beatle of the pod. Of course. We'd love to watch him work without notes. Yeah.

And we have done that multiple times. So it almost feels like that would be a waste of a no limitations guest possibility. But yeah. That's hard. Mesa, he would be the first. If it was just one ever, it would have to be Mesao. But out of interest, maybe who else would you have? What about like a great educator like?

I'm Carl Sagan. Great. Come in and talk about, obviously he's no longer with us, but come in and talk about space, which I find absolutely fascinating, but I don't know that much about, and he knew everything about it. Yeah.

It'd be great if he came in. What about... I was picturing Neil de Gras Tyson, but he's the new Carl Sagan. Oh, gotcha. You know, the show that he did, that was a remake of Carl Sagan's show, yeah. Right, that's why I've connected them.

What about Dolly Bop? No, I was thinking Billy Connolly. Oh, yeah. Oh, I just loved up a... Love to have a chat. Totally. It'd be so cool for him to come in and tell the Oroids. origin story of his bit about a wee jobby in the shoe.

You heard that bit? Of course I've heard that bit, yes. Is that where he accidentally found himself in the away section of the Glasgow Derby or something like that? Oh. I've heard it for a long time. I got it on CD somewhere. A wee joby.

And he was talking about drinking bovril. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, he'd be, that. It's like, you wouldn't even have, we wouldn't give him a topic. It would just be like, talk. Yeah. And we hit record. Oh, that'd be so.

would go for ages and it would be amazing. Yeah, I'm trying to think. How about, I'd love to get some Aussie music guru. So I'd probably be either Molly Meldrum. Or Richard Kingsmill. Oh yeah, Richard the King Kingsmill. I was, yeah, he'd be great. I was thinking of who's that guy?

Where's the hats? Where's the hats? Glenn A Baker. Okay. Glenn A Baker. You remember Glenn A Baker? He used to be on everything as the music expert. Right.

And he wears hats. He always wore a hat. Much like Molly. Yes. Is that how you become a music expert in Australia? Yes. You just have to wear a hat. So I reckon I'd get one of them on and do some sort of history of Australian music.

Yeah, cool. That'd be interesting. It'd be real cool. Great question. Thank you so much, Thomas. And the second fact quote or question of this week is Kelly Clark, who's given herself the title of Philosophical. Oh, great.

Phenomino. She's written it out phonetically. Philosophical phenomenologist. Can you... Phenomena? Phenomenalologist? Phenomenologists. Phenomenologists.

Honestly, that made it harder. I'm going to have a crack at reading as it's written. Philosophical phenomenologist. Yeah, it definitely is easy just to read the word. Read it phonetically. Anyway, so she's the philosophical phenomenologist of the pod. Phenomena. I thought you were going to do the X-Paths theme.

Kelly's given us a quote, and her quote is, or it starts with a preamble here. Hey, Matt, stop for a sec and read this in your head first, okay, to put into a slash indicator point of ruin. That's not in your head. Okay. A person... Wait, hang on. Here is the quote. A person is an entity of the sort

to which the only proper and adequate way to respond is love. That's Carol Voitewa. Do we have the quote one more time in a sentence? I miss that. So she's put in these poor... for me to use a person is an entity of the sort to which the only proper and adequate way to respond is love why are those pauses I'm not sure okay but there's another paragraph here for

voitywa I'm glad she's written the pronunciation for this because I would have said what's la wadshla but it's voitia for what what's voitia the opposite of love isn't hate but use. That is, you can't really hate non-people, like trees, cars, accountants. So hating someone is at least acknowledging them as a person. Love in Voitee was writings isn't a feeling, it's an action. It means actively wanting and working towards the good of the person who is loved. We've all gone quiet because none of us have ever known love. Yeah. What is this word? What is love? You're sure you're saying it? correctly. She put the pronunciation for love in there.

I'll read it one more time without the gaps. A person is an entity of the sort to which the only proper and adequate way to respond is love. Well, that's nice. Yeah, I think that is nice. Thank you so much, Kelly. That's one of the nicest quotes we've read out, I think. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I love the variety there.

Thank you so much, Kelly. Thanks, Kelly. Thanks, Kelly. And the other thing we, of course, do in this patron section of the show, everyone's favorite section of the show is thank a few other patrons who are on a different level or any level above that level. I forget what level it is. Geez, I make our patrons sound more complicated than it is. If you go to the Patreon page, it's pretty obvious. It's all very obviously set out. So Dave, do you want to kick this one off? Because I think you found where we're up to.

Yes, but going back through the people we have missed. Just doesn't come up with how we're going to thank these people. I think we should give them an alias because. Oh, yeah. We know our mate, whatever the fuck his name was. He had victor Lustig. He had heaps. Okay, Robert V. Miller, aka 40 other names. And I demonstrated earlier how good I am at thinking up names. Yes, you are so good.

So I think we should give them an alias for their crime spree. That sounds great to me. Fantastic. All right. All right, who's going to kick this off? You want me to? Or do you want to Dave? No, it's okay.

I can think things up. Because we're starting very international. I was just double-checking the country code. Oh, cool. International we are here. I would like to thank from Iceland. Ooh. Which we love to have...

It's the Iceland International Code. I see? I-S. I-S. Yes. Yeah, just to double check. Thank you so much. And these are still people that we've missed along the way.

Yeah. Because we've had a few names and the system was a bit jumble. So we do apologize that we've missed you before. But we've saved a great name here. Biaci Stein Peterson. Oh, fantastic. You were the right man, because you love Iceland. You've been there.

Probably speak the language. Best country I've ever been. That's right. The eight days I was there, I did pick up every single word of Iceland. Wow, good for you. Especially Bjarki Stein Peterson. Why would you, I mean, firstly, Biarke is not ever going to have a pseudonym, are they?

Why would you, with a name like that? To blend in. Blendin, you'd have a name. You're standing out as the best person. Totally, but then you're on a crime spree. You've got to blend in. You've got to be like, Stephen. Smith or something.

You know, if Biaki robbed my house, I'd forgive. I'd say, of course. Have whatever you need, Biaki. Yeah. What a fantastic name. Thanks so much for dropping by. You've enriched my life. Yeah.

And yourself. Yeah. With my belongings. But what about as an alias, his name is Michael Wachowski. Ah, wherever you've pulled that from? I just came to my head, sound like a cool name. Yeah, I like it. And you're confident Bianchi is a male name?

Just thinking that. Oh, actually, not at all. Let's go a gender neutral name. Michael. What about Jesse? Jesse. I was going to say Jamie. Jamie.

Jamie. Let's go Jamie. Jamie Lowville. Oh, that's good. Fantastic work there. Great one. Two options to choose from. Yaki Stein Peterson from Iceland.

Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I would also like to thank now from a Cromer in Great Britain, Caden Bannford. Aidan Baird. Another cracking name. That's a great alias as well. Caden Balford. Yeah, that's really good.

What are you trying to hide Caden? What's your real name? Caden's fake. Give Caden a real name. Caden's name is. Okay. I really like the name Philippe. Philippe.

Do you work with that? Philippe. Navidad. Navidad. Yes. Yes. Philippe Navidad. Just to blend in.

Caden Bampereke, Philippe Navida. Thank you so much supporting the show. That's brilliant. And you're welcome when you're blending in and sneaking through customs next time. May I please thank some people as well? I would love to thank from what's any in the States, Dave? New England.

That's not a state though, is it? No, it is? I panics. That's an area because Massachusetts is in England as well. N-E. Because that's where the Patriots are from. I think that's a whole re- Nebraska, which we were talking about on this very episode.

Awesome. Yes, a few times. Oh, were we talking about that? We might have talked about that in the live stream. That's right, it was in the live stream. I was saying the fact that I just learned this week on another planet broadcasting podcast, a new one called Hat Jam,

which I'd highly recommend for people who are creatively minded, perhaps, or into music. It's a podcast where Kev Templi from Eskimo Joe has a musician guest. and the episode I listened to was with Kevin Mitchell from Jebed Iyer, and they play this game where they put songs into a hat, and every past guest has as well, and they pick two songs out of the hat.

One is to inspire a verse, and one is to inspire the chorus, and they write a song by the end of the episode. And during the episode, Kevin Mitchell said the fact that the Nebraska album by Bruce Springsteen was just a demo album that he liked so much that ended up being the final product. So it's a real lo-fi album for that reason. Yeah, that's a really cool podcast. And also in the...

Oh, that was also at the start of the stream. Don't worry, I was just... I'm wearing a Connor Oberst t-shirt, and he's also from Nebraska, which... There you go. And this person from Nebraska is losing their fucking mind because they're not sure if it's them or not.

Is it you, Connor Oberst? I would love to thank Gabriel, Tice, Bruton. Oh, Bruton. We're on a... Where are we pulling these of fantastic names from? Gabriel. Thank you so much. Love that. Okay, Dave. Have you thought of a name yet?

Yes. Navidad. Oh, Navidad, of course. Give us a first name. Okay. Any first name. Christiane, Feliciano. Oh, that's good. Christiane Feliciano. That is good. That is good. Gabriel, what do you think? I think you're quietly satisfied.

You're welcome. Hey, I would also... Gabriel, go listen to Bruce Springsteen's Nebraska. Let us know what you think. Thank you so much, Gabriel. I think you've redone it. I would love to thank... I'd love to thank. From Cork in Ireland.

What? Laura O'Day. Oh, Laura O'Day. That's a Hollywood name if I've ever heard one. Yep. Amazing. All right, let me kick this off. Yes.

With the name Miguel. Miguel. Have I said that right? For Lord. Not it's a new name. Okay. Miguel, isn't it? Miguel, isn't it?

Miguel is fine. Mine too. Miguel O'Hara. McGwell O'Hara. So you've changed her surname from O'Day to O'Hara. Yeah. I was listening to a podcast last night with Catherine O'Hara as a guest. Huh.

She was a guest on Conan with Eugene Levy. Fun fact. You're letting everything back to a podcast you've been listening to? Well, lockdown has meant that I'm listening to a lot of podcasts. I think Miguel O'Hara is a sick name. That is a great name. That's good. But, I mean, you start a podcast.

with a great name. Yeah, thanks so much, Laura. Start at the top and now you're here. Still at the top. And Maddie Stu bringing it home. Okay, if I may, I would love to thank a couple of more names that we have accidentally skipped over. Firstly, from Toronto in Canada, the Second City, actually, where Catherine O'Hara and Eugene Levy were in the Second City Improv Troop and where they started SCTV. He's done it again.

Which I've never saw, but apparently it was a super influential comedy show from the 70s and 80s maybe. Cool. And I'd love to thank from Toronto, Anna Rain. Oh. Making it rain. These names are insane today. Good. I mean, we always have great names, but they feel like they're even better than normal.

Someone give me a first name. All right, Teresa. Storm. Oh, that's a superhero. How good is that? I mean Storm is a superhero, but still. Theresa Storm, though. Yeah, that's all better.

That's good. Maybe you've made it even better. Thank you. Thank you so much. Theresa Storm, aka Anna Rain. Oh, I see where you got it from because of rain. Rain, yes. It wasn't really that clever of me. It's pretty clever.

It still sounded good, though. Yeah, exactly, and that's all it matters. Thank you so much. Anna, Rain from Toronto. Sorry, Teresa Storm. Thank you. And finally, I would love to thank from Pittsburgh, Penguin Country, in the United States, and we have not stopped with the quality of names, Ashley Van Merrick.

Oh my God. Morick? Van Morric. Honestly, I'm finding their name a little Morick. Yum, yum, yum. I love a van. Yeah, I love a van. I love any kind of transportation.

But vans are particularly good. All right, you got a surname anyone? I've got a surname. All right. Dusty. Tugboat. Blended right in. I was to get more transportation.

that's a real low rent stripper name. Dusty tugboat. Dusty's fantastic. Welcome to the stage. Love the name Dusty. Tugboat. They're always tooting. He's got a few tricks up his sleeve.

He comes out in a costume here as a tugboat. And he tugs like another, like behind him, there's another stripper dress of a big ship. And he's sort of tugging him around. He's like a scrawny stripper who like comes out just before the really ripped ones. And he's strangely strong. And they also tap dance like those Australian strippers do. Or I'm merging to, I'm merging the musical Stomp. What's the Australian strippers?

Men at work or something. Oh, man power. Man power. Yeah, yeah, I just know that. Thank you so much. Dusty. You couldn't hand over that passport without getting a million questions. Sorry, your name is Dusty Tugbert.

Well, yes, it's an alias, but I mean... I would love to see Simon if he's still listening. Simon on Twitter, Simon Morgan Esquire. He illustrates a lot of bad riffs from the show and tweets them. I would love to see you put those six people, those six aliases in a photo somehow. Good luck, Simon. Good luck, Simon. I believe in you.

So, yes, thank you to all of them. And yeah, like I say, if you want to get involved in that, you can get on board at patreon.com slash do go on pod. The last thing we do with the Patreon section is induct a few people into the Triptitch Club. So people who've been on the shout-out level or above for three years get invited into the very exclusive triptitch club.

It's behind a velvety rope. And Jess has normally got some sort of hors d'oeuvre and a cocktail organised as they enter. As I just double-check if we have, Anyone on the guest list tonight? And we do. Wonderful. Tonight we've got a tie theme.

Okay. So hors d'oeuvres, we've got mini spring rolls, vegetarian. There's also some curry puffs, some saute chicken skewers. Lava curry puff, please. And prawn crackers, I had Thai the other night, and I just ate the whole bag of brawl crackers. It was the fucking best. We had prawn cocktails last week. Am I to assume that you've got some leftover prawn?

Yes. To make the crackers. What about to drink? My tithes. Oh, they're yummy. Which I went too hard on in Thailand. Oh, what are they green drink? It was orange.

Yeah, they're usually orange. Okay. Well, I'm looking forward to having a little sip. So who's having a sip with us today? Having a sip from West Yorkshire, beautiful country, God's country. Stephen Groom. Stephen Groom. From Mount Waverly, near where I went to university, it's Stephen Edmonds.

Oh, tell us steves. And from VA, Dave, is that your favorite state, Vermont or Virginia? Virginia. One of the first states. I think I've said in the past the first state, it's been corrected every time. But I'm going to stick with it. The first state in America, Virginia, it's John Shearer.

Grab a cocktail, grab a nibbley, make yourself comfortable, mingle with the others. There's a few of you in here now. I reckon there's a good 30, 40 people in there. It's becoming a real party. It is. It's actually, we've opened up the annex last week. And, yeah, mingle. And Dave's also going to put your name up on the website on a special page.

And there will be... Gold lettering. There's going to be a live band. Yeah? Who's in it? It's Gary Gary Beers from in excess. Gary Beer's in there. So it's some sort of an all-star band.

Yeah. Can Chris Cornell be in there? Chris Cornell. Living in Dead? Is it that kind of bad? Yeah, yeah. Okay, great. Chris Cornell. Louis Armstrong. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's a lot of heavy hitters.

Can we get Dussie, Duffy Springfield, of course? Dolly in there as well. Dussie and Dolly there, they take it in terms to be backup for each other. Oh, that's nice. For each other one takes only. Go solo, the other one's backup. Right. Keep swapping it.

And Chris Cornell, they're sort of rotating three. We've got three front. We've got three front people. Three front people is not a phrase that's taken off. There's no. There's no, like, fighting or anything. They're all very supportive. They just love the music.

That's not Fleetwood Mac. No. Who's on drums, of course? It's a fantastic. Darrell Summers. Yeah. The greatest drummer Australia has ever known. I think drums, I think Daryl Summers.

Lemmy on bass. Now, that is a hot band. I don't know what this sounds. He will not look at the audience. No. He's looking hard. Trudy. He's too good for us.

Although the Triptage Club, he'll maybe make an exception. Maybe. They're the only people who'll ever look in the eye. It's amazing. A high class of guests in there. Anyway, that pretty much brings us to the end of this episode. It does.

Thank you so much for listening. If you want to get in contact with us, we've got a website, do go on pod.com. It's got links to the Patreon. Haken's a suggestion episode. We've got merchandise. You can follow us on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. At Dogo on Pod and, you know, knock yourselves out with our back catalog if you haven't heard them all. Because we have over 230 episodes.

This is episode 235. Wild. Wild. All right. Well, as we say here nearly every week, thanks so much for joining us and suck. Oh. Goodbye. Bye. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want, it's up to you.

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