Do Go On - 237 - The Stranger of North Pond

Episode Date: May 6, 2020

Beginning in the 1980s, the citizens of North Pond in Maine were haunted by a mysterious intruder. Things like batteries and propane tanks went missing from cabins and homes, while more expensive items were left untouched. Decades passed without police getting any closer to finding the culprit who became known in town as the North Pond Hermit.Our website: dogoonpod.comSupport the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasREFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.gq.com/story/the-last-true-hermithttps://www.michaelfinkel.com/the-stranger-in-the-woods/excerpt-stranger-woods/https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/04/lessons-of-the-hermit/517770/https://vimeo.com/406217619https://www.nationalgeographic.com/news/2017/04/north-pond-hermit-maine-knight-stranger-woods-finkel/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christopher_Thomas_Knighthttps://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/maine-hermit-christopher-knight-cuts-deal-avoid-jail-time-flna8C11153988https://downeast.com/arts-culture/the-stranger-in-the-woods/

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

Welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warner Key. And as always, I'm here with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart. Dave, how good is it to be alive? So good. So good. I'm like, in my head, I'm like, let's be positive. And I think it doesn't get any more positive than that.

How good is it to be? Alive. Let's all go around the circle and say one thing we're thankful for. Being alive. Being alive. Oh, um... You can have the same one. Say not being dead.

Um, staying alive. Ah. The song, I love it. I love it. I love that. Hey, Dave, how does this show work? I think you're in the best position to explain it. Well, over there.

Over there. Well, this show is a comedy show but also a history show. We're taking in terms to report on a topic often suggested by a listener. Uh, to people, they chime in along as the reporter tells them about. the topic and this week it's your turn to chime in Matt and usually start with a question. We do so with a question. This week the question is, like I've been doing a lot in recent weeks, slightly tangential to the topic itself because I don't think you'd probably, I didn't know the topic. So the question is, and this is really, sorry Jess playing into geography nerd Dave's

hands. Fuck! Somalia. So I'm going to give you both one guess, but Jess gets first guess. But that's not good because, all right. You've got a 1 in 50 chance. That might even help you already. Okay. What is the easternmost state of mainland USA? Nah, no. I had no idea.

I have no idea. I was so surprised where this place was. I know there's lots of people from the US watching, but I mean like, you name a state in Australia. Yeah, good luck. There's only six of them. Most of them just pick northeast, south or west, and put it in front of it.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, there's a northern. Don't help them. There's a western and there's a south. So you've got a 75% chance of getting it right? It's just the East Coast that gave cute little names. Dave, do you have any idea? You would, okay, on a flight, where were we coming back from?

There was a flight. You and I was sitting next to each other. I had a nap. Dave the whole time was playing this quiz game that was like naming states in the US. Why the map? All right, Jess, first crack. I wouldn't have a clue. Just say a state.

Ready, set, go. Are you going to say Cuba? No. Because that's not a bad guess. I think I was about to say Quebec. Well, it's so close to Quebec, actually. I think if it doesn't border it, it basically borders Quebec. So you're so close.

Dave, you want to have a go? Quebec, obviously, in Canada. I know. But I bet you you are closer than Dave looking at his face. Maine? Oh, no, he was right. It's May. Oh, my God.

I was going to say Maine. Fuck, I'm an idiot. Okay, great. Maine. I think we learn this every week. Jess, you've got to believe in yourself. I just don't. I just don't believe in myself. I truly don't. So that's where this story takes place in Maine. Whoa.

Okay, cool. Which is very close to my favorite state, Vermont. Yeah, it is. So it's up in the north. It's the most northeastern. Cool. It's in that corner. Yeah, right. It's not the most northern, and it's not the most eastern because I think there's a more eastern state that's maybe floating in the sea somewhere.

I don't know. Cuba. Just floating. David's pronounced Quebec. Sorry, I'm so sorry. Look, I know the places. I just don't know the pronunciation. Quebec.

Okay, silent C. Well, it doesn't even have the C. You insert the C. Gotcha, gotcha. This topic was suggested by Josh J. Singh in Manchester in the UK and Jamie Allison from New Brunswick in Canada. New Brunswick's also very close by to Maine. Since the 1980s, the story has begun.

Oh, thank you. Let me begin. The story begins now. Since the 1980s, the citizens of North Pond, Maine were haunted by a strange and persistent intruder. Oh, yeah. Journalist Michael Finkel has written about the story for both GQ magazine and his own book dedicated to the subject. Michael Finkel. Michael Finkel.

Amazing. Finkel comes up a lot. He is the primary and basically only source of this story. Finkel is a fantastic name. Mickey Fink. Mickey Fink. Oh, Mickey Fink. Mickey the Fink.

He sounds dangerous. He wrote, At first in the late 1980s, there were strange occurrences. Flashlights were missing their batteries. Stakes disappeared from the fridge. Stakes disappeared from the fridge, Dave. When he said, I went wooden steak straight away,

and I was like, why are they in the fridge? Oh, I'm with you. New propane tanks on the grill had been replaced by old ones. At least someone swapped him over. Yeah. They didn't just steal the new one. My grandkids thought I was losing my mind, said David Prolkes, whose vacation cabin was broken into at least 50 times.

50 times. Imagine replacing the batteries in your flashlight 50 times. That's frustrating. Why do you need your flashlight so much? Turn on a light. Grow up. Grow up. What do you fucking do it?

Go up and use electricity. Use electricity, you idiot. electricity in Maine? They do, but this is like a pretty rugged error of Maine on a lake. And some of these cabins don't have electricity. Most of them do, but some of them don't. A lot of them are holiday homes, although there are permanent residents there as well. I think there's a few hundred of these cabins littered around the lakes. Then people began noticing other things. Wood shavings near window locks. Scratches on door frames. Was it a neighbour, a gang of teenagers?

The robberies continued. Boat batteries, frying pans, winter jackets. All these bits and pieces kept going missing. Why is it always gangs of teenagers? Why do we assume it's teenagers? You know, some teenagers just sitting in their room playing the Sims. Why couldn't it be... I mean, it's one.

That's an example. Why couldn't it be a gang of old people? Isn't it funny? Because, you know, most crime is done by old people. Yeah, but we're like, oh, bloody kids. But it's never like a bit. This was a gang of middle-aged men. Which is probably what it normally is.

Oh, there's Ponzi schemes hit the town again. Bet it's those teenagers. Stealing from the rich. My bank account's been hacked. Bet it was a gang of teenagers. There was talk like these might be some sort of induction ceremonies where they've got to go steal things. Like hazing.

Yeah, these teens. They're fully making it up. You're not in the club until you bring back a pair of double-A batteries. Okay, I can just pop down the shops. 50 times from that guy's house. Oh, all right. I'll know if you buy them, I'll know. Because I work at the only supermarket in town.

Still got the barcode on it, your dingus. It's in the packet. It's one of the teenage words from the 80s, dingus. Specifically in Maine. Yeah, they loved it in Maine. The North Pond community was fairly tight-knit. Everyone knew everyone else, but the robberies had some residents pointing the finger at each other.

Oh. Even there were two brothers who accused each other of stealing each other's gas of propane tanks? You did it. You took mine. You took mine. It's tearing the town apart. It's tearing families apart.

They're turning on each other in Maine. Other theories positive that it could have been an anti-social return Vietnam veteran or even one of the hijackers from the 1970s. Like our man, D.B. Cooper still on the run. That was one of the theories going around. It would have been D.B. When they say it was an antisocial veteran, was there. Was there a guy specifically that we're thinking of?

No. They're just like, I bet it's one of those anti-social veterans. Finally blaming the old people, I've heard so much about. Yeah, it was just probably some guy. Who's anti-social? Yeah. Imagine, I mean, if it turns out to... If it turns out to be DB Cooper, this would be amazing. I'm going to lose my fucking mind.

Please, please tell us. It's him. Please don't skip to the end. That's on page 28. Fear took hold. We always felt like he was watching us one resident said. And while the police were often called, they are unable to help.

The burglaries continued on for decades, and the police had nearly nothing at all to go on. No great leads or suspects. Is he taking anything, like anything big or of much worth? No. Okay. The residents started beefing up the security in their homes, getting extra locks and dead bolts installed.

Finkel continues. Lox were chained. alarm systems installed. Nothing seemed to stop him, or her or them. No one knew. A few desperate residents even left notes on their doors. Please don't break in. Tell me what you need and I'll leave it out for you.

The Simpsons, please don't steal for me. Nice one, Rod. He finds the piggy-making that says, please don't steal for me. So they left these notes out saying, tell us what you need, we'll give it to. we'll leave it. If someone's breaking your window or whatever,

you've got to pay for the window as well. Who cares about the batteries, maybe, but like your locks or whatever. Yeah, I'll leave you out of 24 pack of batteries. I don't care. Just stop breaking my windows. Stop breaking the lock. Books often went missing as well.

So some people left bags of books out on their porch saying, just take these. But the notes were never replied to. They left pens with the notes. Never worked. The books were never taken. It would take me a while to realize a book had been taken. I would never realize a book had been taken, you know?

Yeah. Unless your bookmark was in it and you'd read it last night. And it was on my bedside table. It was the one I was reading. Then I'd be like, that book's gone. But I'd assume, and apparently a lot of people did, they'd just be like, what did I do with it? Yeah.

I've misplaced and apparently a lot of people had those thoughts, even though their batteries kept missing. They're like, what am I doing with these batteries? I could have swan up on your batteries in. And are these places, are people living there full time, or are they like sort of holiday cabins? Most of these, well nearly all of these are holiday cabins. Right, so it's easier to, I suppose, break in if no one's home.

Yeah. Incidents mounted and the Phantom morphed into legend. The Phantom. At a homeowner's meeting in 2002, so this is like 15 years after the first robberies, the 100 people present were asked who had suffered break-ins. 75 raised their hands. Campfire stories were swapped. One kid recalled that he was when he was 10 years old,

all his Halloween candy was stolen. That kid was then 34. He's still bitter about it, you big fucking nerd. There was these new type of M&Ms I'd never even seen him before. They were Halloween special.

And when I tried to replace them at the shops they'd sold out. I never tried them. I never tried them. And that's why I never achieved my dreams. Yeah. It's why I never married because I've never learned to trust. Still, the robberies persisted.

The crimes after so long felt almost supernatural. Things like jewelry, TVs, computers and cameras were nearly never taken, but propane tanks, batteries and books were. Windows and doors were never broken. Oh, right. There was rarely any trace of anyone having been there. A strange assortment of things were also taken, including outdoor thermometers and Playboy magazines.

So not but thermometers. Not butt thermometers. Very important not to mix those two up. Out of butt thermometers. And Playboy magazines. Out of butt playboy magazines? Think well both. One time a couple returned to their holiday home to find one of their bunk bed mattresses was missing. But this made no sense. The mattress was far too big for it to fit through any of their windows. And the only door to the house remained bolted and padlocked when they arrived. So how did this happen? There's no way of getting this mattress out of the house. Just cut it up into tiny pieces, threw it out the window, vacuumed up, snuck out the window yourself.

It's the only explanation. Throughout the mattress. It wasn't about the mattress. It was about fucking with them. I don't want it. Like my theory is you get the mattress, you take it out the front door, and then you come back in and you bolt the front door and then you leave through the window. I think because the way the lock was, you wouldn't be able to unbolt it and re-bolted. Oh, okay, right.

It might have been deadlocked. It's deadlocked and padlocked as well. I kind of like mine better. Yeah, no, just to fuck with that. Well, the closest thing to an explanation that Finkel has was that the thief came in through one of the windows, then took the hinges off the door, being able to sort of creak it open from the hinge side, sliding the mattress out through the gap and then reinstalling the hinges before leaving through the window. That's a lot of work, but...

It's a lot of work, and that seems like what probably happened. Yeah. Unless it was an actual ghost stealing them, and they use ghost powers. Ah, yeah, okay. Because I mean, I think I didn't mention that. Ghosts can go through walls, but if you, if like, a person is holding the hand of a ghost, they can also go through them. So maybe if the ghost is holding the mattress.

Holding the hand of the mattress. Holding the hand of the mattress. Yeah. Then they can both pass through. That's what the mattress says that goes through. Okay. Does the mattresses talk? They can do when being held by the hand by a ghost.

Okay, but like just the one on my bed at home is like, it's not talking. Well, is there a ghost in the room? I don't know. Well, you've just moved into a new place, you don't know. It's probably haunted. Everyone's haunted. The same couple who had their mattress stolen once returned to find their backpack was also stolen.

But how did they get it out? No backpack could fit through a window. Yeah, no backpack could fit under the window. The only theory was. He took the roof off the house, tile by tile, slowly lived through the back. And they were only gone to the shops for six minutes. Yeah, he's amazing. He or she is an amazing.

He's a master. They also found that their cabin was six inches to the right. Brick by brick. Just to fuck with them. I came back to work one day and I could swear, I had a group of desks, because it's about six of us sitting around this open desk, and I could swear that it was about 15 centimetres closer to the window.

And no one else could see it, but I could. And I thought, I just assumed that they'd done it to fuck with me. Yeah. And had they? I don't know. They still deny it. They're like, look, there's no indentation on the carpet where it was. I'm like, no one.

I'm closer to the window now. Only people who would say that are people who vacuumed up those indentations. They just buffed out the innervation. They thought about it. And they want you to know they thought about it and fixed it. Yeah. It made me feel crazy. Or was just your stuff moved slightly? The desk itself.

Is it possible the wall was moved closer to the door? Yes. No, that's a good theory. Because I could see the interditation. Because I could see where the wall had been. Yeah. Yeah. And they were still building and moving the wall when you got there.

You're like, something's different. Yeah, what are these workers doing? Have they moved my desk? So they had their bag stolen, and this was bad news because that's where they hid their passports. Ah. So that's a bummer. But later they found their passports on a shelf in the wardrobe, the thief having removed them from the bag and left them there for them. I was like, what is this?

It's kind of considerate. Yeah. But also, but is it considerate to hide them in the wardrobe? Wouldn't you put them on the bed or something where it's really obvious? Yeah, because otherwise you've already gone through the process of replacing the passport. They've probably cancelled the passport by the time they found it and gone, oh, fuck. Yeah, and they're expensive. Passports aren't cheap.

They had to go get a new photo taken and they're never good. Yeah, if you want to go on holiday to Quebec, for example, you're going to need one because it's in the Caribbean. Oh, I can't wait for my passport to expire next year. I get a new photo. Quarabian. Are you not unhappy with your photo? Oh, it's horrendous. Have you not seen it?

I'm sure I've shown you on our many travels. I've never seen a good one. I had to get a new passport for when we went to the UK last year, and I went to a chemist, and the man taking the photo was about 85 years old. Good. But he said he could do it, and I got the photo. I reckon I looked quite hot in the photo.

I sent it in, and they sent it back saying it had been taken in properly. Oh, damn it! You were wearing a hat and sunglasses. And you were smiling. Giving him the finger. The guy said it was fine. He said he was an expert. I didn't have the heart to go back.

You know, because it was like $20 or $30 to get these professional photos. I didn't have the heart to go back and tell him. So you didn't come on that trip with us. No. Because I didn't want to offend an old man. It is funny that the chemist is the one trusted with the photos. And I got a second photo taken. Is that a Jerry Seinfeld bit?

It feels like, what is it with these chemists? Taking the photos for the passport? That's a good bit. He's the king. In summary, I don't look as hot in the second set of photos. That is disappointing. So that guy had a gift, just not the passport gift. Well, I think the rules basically say you can't look hot.

Do you reckon that's why it was rejected? You looked, you don't look this hot. The guy who came up with the rules, it was real, I'll go. I'm going to go in with a full face of makeup. Yeah. Like too much makeup. Like Marge Simpson, when they shoot the gun of makeup out. I'm going to go in like that.

What was the setting that he actually had a... Hawer. I don't think they'd write that line anymore. You can't say that. But my favourite alarm, the everything's okay alarm. This alarm will sound every three seconds unless everything's not okay. Turn it off. It can't be turned up, though it does break easily.

Sorry, that's too many Simpsons references, but... All right, sorry, Matt. This is one of my favorite things from the whole story, but it doesn't matter at all. Right. One local resident, Fred King, had his sugar bowl stolen. For years afterwards, his friends nicknamed him Sugar Bowl. Hey, you want to come over a beer, sugar bowl?

And he hates it. He hates it. So he hates this thief so much. This thief ruined my life. My best steal his sugar bowl. That would be annoying. Did the sugar in it or did he pull the sugar out on the bed? He could have taken anything.

He got to take my sugar bowl. Why don't he just, why aren't I called like Bowie Knife or something cool? Why didn't he steal my jackhammer or my cobra? Come along, cobra, Jackhammer. Sugar bowl. Please come back and take something else. Please. He saw my cobra.

That was absolutely worth. That is the best of the story for sure. The fact that he hates the guy as well. Such a clumsy nickname. Call him sugar or something. Sugar or bowl. Sugar bowl. That's so fun.

That's funny. The pine tree camp, a children's camp. was the main victim of the mysterious thief. Actually, I've written children's camp, but I don't think it was. I think it was a camp for disabled children and adults. Was the main victim of the mysterious thief? Can I say that's tragic? That's the place that's being stolen.

And that's why I think some people like, this is pretty fucked. Finkel described it as their own personal Costco. They'd break in and pilfer food and drinks, but never expensive items, then leave without a trace. Many residents of North Pond were scared. Every time they went out, they were afraid someone was in the trees watching them. When they went to the woodpile of an evening, they felt like they were being watched as well. Every time they returned from the shops, they were bracing for the stranger to be there.

The theory that the thief was some sort of forest-dwelling hermit grew popular. I mean, wouldn't that, that'd be the case, right? If your place is being robbed every few months or something, you'd just be paranoid. And you know that all around the neighbourhood, there's this mysterious thing. It's just that uncomfortable feeling of somebody being at your house. Yeah, yeah. But I was just thinking that it sounds like someone, like it sounds like a doomsday prepper.

You know, just like stocking up on stuff. Yeah, right. In a bunker somewhere. Yeah. That's what I think. Early prediction. I think it's a bear. Okay.

Highly skilled. Very stealthy bear. Maybe a doomsday bear. Sugar bowl. All bears need sugar bowls. Sugar bowl. It does sound like something Winnie the Pooh would steal. Yeah.

And he is, of course, a doomsday prepper. Yeah, notorious, yeah. I mean, honey is the only food substance that never goes off. Is that true? So, there you go. I didn't know that. Never goes off. I found, like, ancient, like Egyptian honey.

Really? Still good. Still technically. It's still edible. Technically. That means it tastes like shit. Yeah. I don't think it tastes great, but yeah, it'd last forever.

Okay. Stored properly, I guess is a big thing. Like in a tomb. Yes. Ah. Mumified honey. Mm-hmm. That's what I call Tootin'Carman.

He's my mumfied honey. Mumfired honey, I'm home. So the theory that the thief was some sort of forest-dwelling hermit grew popular, with many of the town referring to the mysterious thief as the North Pond Hermit, some sort of mysterious bearded mountain man. One resident, Debbie Baker, had young children who were terrified of the hermit. So to quell their fears, the family renamed him the hungry. hungry man, which to me is way scarier.

Wow. The hungry. He sounds like a, that's a horror film guy. No, don't worry. He's just going to break in and eat you. He's the hungry man. He doesn't think he's going to eat you. Yeah, that's terrifying.

The hermit, I would have just got him hermit crabs. Then they love hermets. He is snip, shnip, shnip in his way around. It's adorable. It's adorable. In a little shell. In the early 2000s, there was finally a breakthrough. So this is, you know, 15 odd years.

This is wild that it's been. going on for that long. May you'd just be like there'd be kids who they've known nothing else but just living in a place that is you know broken into all the time and then is it people have up their security but has anyone got like security cameras? Oh that's uh or has anyone moved because like you be one well I imagine some did but most were just like well this sucks yeah exactly uh in the early 2000s it was finally a breakthrough uh as well as renaming the hermit the hungry man the baker's also installed a hidden security camera. It's in a teddy bear like a nanny can.

And the interest, you'd think, why didn't they do it earlier? That's what I was thinking. But, well, this next little section is from Finkel's book, A Stranger in the Woods, which I've just listened to the audio book version of it over the last week. And it's so good. Awesome. I highly recommend it. Is it actually good or it's like funny good?

No, it's really good. Oh, cool. Yeah. I loved it. Well, I mean, it was this story, but he also goes in a, he sort of zirmed. zigzags in and out of different theories on life and stuff. It was, oh, it was an interesting listen. So this is from that book.

As the price and size of motion sensing security cameras decreased, several families installed them. So I think that's the main thing. They were, like a lot of tech was just too expensive for normal people to have in the 80s and into the 90s. I mean, you kids wouldn't know this, but things used to cost a pretty penny. When I was a kid, potato cakes could cost 10 cents.

When you're a kid, you used pennies. Sorry, 10 pennies. At one, the Finkel goes on. Or Finkle. Finkle. I think I've called him, I'll call him both Finkle and Finkle as the report goes on, I just realized. Just in case. Mickey Fink.

Mickey the Fink. At one cabin where the camera was hidden in a smoke detector, this was at the Baker's Place of Vink. That's smart. There was success. The hermit was captured on film, peering into a refrigerator. The images were confusing, though. The thief's face wasn't in focus, but they appeared to show a clean, well-dressed man who was neither emaciated nor bearded, highly unlikely to have been roughing it in the woods.

He didn't appear nimble or strong or even outdoorsy. Mr. Ordinary, one person called him. Which is a full wrestler name. Yeah. So is he wearing some sort of three-piece suit? No, he's just sort of wearing sort of casual winter. to close. That would be disappointing.

Yeah. You're like, huh. Because you've built up this image in your head and he's just like a normal person. Some sort of a hobgoblin with a beard. I reckon he's just like... A normal hobgoblins have beards? I assume so. Yeah.

He's just a regular person who's like bored. It's part of the... It's like a fun game now. Oh, like it sort of turns out of it's like the school principal or something. Everyone knows this guy. Yeah, maybe. He's just breaking in for fun. Yeah, it's just like he did it a couple of times for shits in gigs and now it's just sort of like,

it's a bit of a rush. And then people talk about him all the time. And he kind of likes fucking with people. Like a serial killer without the killing part. Yeah, right. So there's still something not right up here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Almost like it became an addiction.

Yeah, and like enjoying the notoriety. Like, oh. Totally. What have you heard about the hermit lately, huh? Yeah, reading about it in the paper, hearing other people talking about it, maybe sort of having your own thoughts. Like, yeah, I know, I'm so, I'm so scared. I reckon it's a man bird.

I reckon it's a man bird who swoops in and he takes. That's why he likes batteries. because shiny something about yeah the shining of them and makes

battery nests that's what I reckon that's what I reckon that's what I call him battery hands I assume I assume that's good

batteries that's very good Dave that's my new favourite bit well equal with sugar bowl sugar bowl

no it can't be equal sugar bowl sugar bowl sugar bowl was the greatest and they all and they all

would be standing around the bar and one goes I reckon we should call him sugar bowl and they went yeah

sugar bowl please No. I was just telling you that my house is broken into. He's trying to open up with him. Guys, I'm actually real freaked out. My sugar bowl is taken. Hey, look at the sugar bowl.

So, guys, that was my late mother's sugar bowl. It was all I had left of it. Oh, late mother's sugar bowl. L.M. Sugar Bowl over here. That's why you should never open up to friends. Just in case. They will rip you. They will.

Finkel ends this paragraph saying, It was probable, you know, talking about it now that they call him Mr. Ordinary, or one person did anyway, it was probable people deduced that this so-called hermit had been a neighbour all along, much like you just deduced as well. The police were confident that with these images, they would soon arrest their man. They posted the photos all around town. Offers went from cabin to cabin. Officers, did I say that? He said offers.

He said offers, but officers makes more sense. Are they asking, taking offers? What do you reckon? bucks we'll catch him tomorrow or no two bucks all right you're on officers went from cabin to cabin but nobody could identify the man pictured and the break-ins continued for another decade oh my god they have a photo of him yeah but that like okay so so it's not the principal obviously okay but he's aware that there's been that there's security footage of him and that they're looking for him and also probably aware that more people are going to get security cameras yeah

But he keeps going. Yeah. Well, you assume he's aware of this. Yeah, I do assume he's aware of it. Shimming, one of the officers knocked on his door and said, do you know this man? No, he went, oh, they've got a photo of me. No, I've never seen him before.

No, but I mean, they posted him all around town and stuff. Never seen this good-looking man in my life, but God, what a mug. Wow, he's gorgeous. But the fact that no one recognized him maybe suggests he doesn't get around town. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Maybe he's not from town. Maybe he's a bit of a recluse. Flying in from Quibet.

Maybe he's not from town. That's interesting too, yeah. Some residents grew impatient. One man, Neil Patterson, whose family had a place on the pond for half a century, started hiding in his house overnight with a gun in his hand. Hiding in his house overnight. Yeah, lights out. But he was hiding?

Was he like hiding in his bed with a pillow here? Pretending to be asleep, snoring, for example, for eight hours at that night. The perfect disguise. What a good hiding spot. So basically he was sleeping with a gun under his pillow, which we all do every night. Obviously. No, I think what he was doing was he was sitting, facing the windows and door with the gun cocked and loaded. God, that's scary.

I mean, this has been happening for decades, you'd be like, all right, one of us has got to catch him. Yeah. Yeah. If he's in a rocking chair, he does look insane. That's all I'm saying. He stayed up for 14 nights straight with a magnum in his hand without result, and he gave up. You do hope he's sleeping in the day, you know, just putting himself on night shift. Yeah.

That's what I hope. You hope. Otherwise, he'll die. Honestly, who knows is Neil Patterson? You know what he's like? No. By 2013, there had been, so this started in the 80s. By 2013, there'd been around 25 years of investigating the North Pond Hermit.

He's going to be an old man by now. Finkel writes that these include foot searches, flyovers, fingerprint dusting, and it was conducted by four separate law enforcement agencies, two county sheriff's departments, the state police and the gay warden office, and no one had even figured out the hermit's name. They just had no idea who it was. He never left fingerprints? Apparently not, or none that they found, and if they found them, none that were on record to match two. Yeah, right, of course.

Because if you were the local sheriff, it would be like the bane of your existence. Totally. It would be pretty embarrassed that you can't catch this guy. Yeah, but be like your whole career. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine it would be multiple sheriffs. Yeah, totally.

That would have been somebody retired without getting a result. Geez, that would suck. That would be so frustrating. But I'm not retiring until we get this guy. Yeah. We got his photo. He's still doing it. He was in my house last night.

All right, sugar bowl. Settled on. We get it. Oh, my God. Sugar ball. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. I don't even know what a sugar bowl is. Do you know what a sugar bowl is?

Yeah, it's a bowl you put sugar in a day. But just sugar? Yes, it's a sugar bowl. This isn't another dinnerware scenario, Dave. This is what it says it is. What do you mean a sugar bowl? It's like a bowl. You have a little spoon in it.

Often it's got a little divot for where it's... Sometimes I'm with you. And it's got a little lid on top. And have a little lid. Okay, I'm with you. I don't drink copies. I know, but like you grew up in a house. Did they...

That's true. Well, my dad is watching this and he'll be able to comment along. Equals is what my dad would use. Oh, what about your mum? Tablets. Yeah, tablets. What about your mum? Mum, no sugar.

So there's just no sugar in your house. No, we did have a sugar bowl, to be honest. I think my new nickname should be sugar bowl as punishment. I'm so sorry. I was thinking like, did he mean like a cake bowl? And I was like, why is it just sugar? A cake bowl? Like, you know, um, fuck.

What would, what bowl would you use to make a cake in with flour and stuff? Like a mixing bowl. Mixing bowl. There you go. I don't cook. Yeah, no, we know, mate. And Martin, have a word with your son. Would you have a sugar bowl.

Sugar bowl. Sugar bowl. So sorry. Please do go on. At this point, Sergeant Terry Hughes Estate Game Warden up the ante. He'd been working as a main game warden for 18 years at that point. Main game. And had grown frustrated by the lack of results in this case.

I'd never heard the term Game Warden before. I don't think we really have an equivalent here. Have you heard of it? It's like a Forest Ranger or something? Yeah, I guess that's sort of what it is. So they're game wardens enforced laws around hunting, trapping, fishing, fishing, jenga and recreational vehicles. I'm afraid you've rolled doubles three times

it's straight to jail for you, I'm so sorry. I take my job very seriously. If you don't go to jail on the board, I will take you to jail in real life. Prior to being a warden, Hughes was a US Marine for 10 years. He spoke with some friends who worked in Homeland Security and organized some state-of-the-art surveillance equipment. They told him it was far too sophisticated

for anything a game warden might need, but he insisted it was perfect. He organized three of the Border Patrol agents to visit the Pine Tree Camp. They hid sensors in the camp kitchen and the unit that received the data back at Hughes's home, which was only a short drive away. Right. If a sensor was tripped, an alarm would sound to alert Hughes. He'd be both alerted and alarm.

Would there be an alarm like at the camp or was it just an alarm for him? Just an alarm for him. Smart. Yeah. Yeah, okay, cool. It's funny because like the way it's the lead up to. this he was talking all these different security experts and uh took him a while to find the right thing and apparently this was brand new state of the art top of the range security equipment but to me

it just sounds like a sensor with an alarm like a remote alarm we've got that here yeah i feel like that's just as he essentially has installed some sort of um doorbell camera yeah we've got him guys like i don't i don't know exactly why but apparently this is like top of the range expensive stuff Anyway, so Hughes learnt the system from back to front. The plan was when the intruder tripped one of the sensors, he would be there in a flash to arrest him. I'll be there at a jiffy. But the hermit had evaded capture for a quarter of a century.

He knew that there was no room for error. Hughes rehearsed getting from his house to the camp over and over, shaving seconds of his time with each practice run, almost like he was training for the Olympics or something. He learnt where the camp sensor lights were, so he didn't set them off. and alert the hermit to his arrival, obviously. So if he drove in and the lights went off,

he's like, well, the hermit's going to see that and get away again. So he... I'm feeling tense now. He found a spot to ditch his truck so that he didn't get too close to the camp for the engine to be heard. Every night he set out his gear on top of the stairs, gun, flashlight, phone, handcuffs and runners. Every night...

Just sleep with your runners on. That's going to save ages. sometimes, especially when I'm in a hurry, can't get those fuckers on, and then you go, I left a sock in there for some reason, and then one of them is still tied up and you're like, how did I get it off?

And then, you know, it's a nightmare. That's smart. Leave your runners on, in bed, and you're going. In bed. Leave it cocked and loaded. You don't want to waste any time having to do that bit going, that's seconds.

Yeah. That felt like hours watching you do that. I had to get a bit of double D40 on my cock. The cock of my gun, Jess. Obviously, I know a bit about guns. I know all the lingo. Sounds to me like you've got a bit of a creaky cock.

I got a creaky cock. It's my favorite bit of the Wizard of Oz. Maybe the only bit I remember of it. The tin man saying out the corner of his mouth, oil, good. Good stuff. So every night he went to bed ready. He set his stuff up.

He was in bed. He was ready to go. Two weeks. went by without incident. Then one night in April 2013, Hughes was nudged awake by his wife. The alarm was sounding. She heard it. He was so ready, but the alarm didn't wake him up. But luckily it woke his wife up. She goes, hey, Terry. Terry, it's been going off for 15 minutes. Terry, that toy you've got going is happening. So he goes, oh shit, he grabs his gun, his torch, chucks on his runners, still in his pajama pants, jumps into his truck, fangs it to

the pine tree camp. He keeps his headlights off and parks his car in the predetermined location. From there, he sprints to the kitchen building where he ducks down, heart racing. Oh my God. He has made it from his bed to the camp's kitchen in four minutes flat. Whoa! That amazing. I don't think I'd get out of my house that fast. No, God, no. We know you don't, Matt. And it wasn't, you.

Snows. Four minutes and five seconds ago, he was asleep. Yeah, that is wild. I feel so anxious right now. Finkel takes up the story from here. I really like Finkel's writing. Hughes takes a breath. Then he cautiously lifts his head and steals a peek through the window,

straining his eyes against the dimness of the pine tree kitchen. And he sees it. A person carrying a flashlight. The pale beam emanating from the open door of the walk-in freezer. Could this really, after all these years, be him? It must be. The beam brightens and Hughes tenses and out of the freezer steps a man hauling a backpack.

He's not quite what Hughes expected. The man is bigger, for one thing, and cleaner. His face freshly shaved. He's wearing large, nerdy eyeglasses and a wool ski cap. He roams the kitchen, seemingly unconcerned, selecting items as if in a grocery store. Hughes quietly moves away from the building, to call a friend in the police.

Robberies aren't really the jurisdiction of game wardens. According to Finkel, this is more of a spare time obsession for Hughes. Isn't that amazing? Like, how the effort he's gone into is really more of just a hobby. And now he's got to call someone else in. Yeah. It's not even your jurisdiction. Because he can't really make, yeah, unless the hermit was in there fishing illegally.

Or cheating at Jenga. Yeah. He's like, where'd you get those fish sticks? I don't need to see the license. Yeah, that's an illegal haul. You're only allowed seven fish sticks. Do you, I sort of feel like either we've got him or he'll get away somehow. He'll diso be for another six years.

I reckon that. I reckon they're the two main options, yeah. I hate when you do that because I always say dumb shit like that. And then you point it out and I go, oh yeah. No, wait, that's our relationship. One of us says something dumb and the other one points it out to us. But I don't, no, I actually do totally get what you mean. I feel the same way in that, obviously those are the two options.

I sort of feel like he's going to get away. He's going to get away and then it'll be a couple more years and he'll be, his obsession could deepen. Maybe. Oh man, I feel so anxious. Finkel continues. Quote, he asked the dispatch office of the main state police to alert trooper Diane Vance, who has also been chasing the hermit. There have been colleagues forever, Hughes and Vance, both graduating from their respective academies the same year, then working together on and off for nearly two decades. His idea

is to let Vance handle the arrest and the paperwork. He returns to the window to keep guard. When the man moves towards the door to exit the building, can you tell the paragraphs I read the Finkel's writing and then

mine that a real basic plainer? He didn't say fang it, did he? No, that was me. When the man moves towards a door to exit the building, Hughes moves around to confront him. Fans hasn't had time to arrive, so he's going to have to take him down alone. Finkle goes on. He is as prepared as possible for whatever might happen. Fist fight to shoot out. Huse is 44 years old,

but still as strong as a rookie, with a jarhead haircut and a paper crease jaw line. He teaches hand-to-hand defensive tactics at the main criminal justice academy. No way he's going to step aside and let the intruder go. The opportunity to disrupt a friend, Fallon in progress overrides all concerns. The burglar, Hughes thinks, is probably a military vet and therefore likely armed. Maybe this guy's combat ability is as good as his forest skills. Hughes holds his position by the cherry red door. Glock in his right hand, flashlight in his left.

His back against the building's wall. He waits, running the contingencies through his mind, until he hears a small clink and sees the door handle turning. I think it was right. I really put you the scene, right? That is tense. I highly recommend the audio book. And you don't listen to this as you go to sleep at night?

Yeah. The narrator does voices and stuff as well. So good. Anyway, he goes on. The burglar steps out of the dining hall and Hughes flips on his maglight, blazing it directly in the man's eyes and trains the 357 magnum square in the center of his nose.

Steading his gun a hand atop his flashlight hand, both arms extended. The two men are maybe a body's length apart. So Hughes hops back a few feet. He doesn't want the guy lurching at him, while ferociously bellowing a single phrase, get on the ground, get on the ground, get on the ground.

Perhaps surprisingly, the hermit meekly complies. By the time police trooper Vance arrives, Hughes has the hermit on the ground. They go through his bag and pockets finding candy and meat. His wallet provides no ID but a wad of cash, a few hundred dollars worth, much of it old, some of it moldy. he's been arrested. They got him.

And he's also got that kid's candy on him 25 years later. Yeah. Do you going to return that property? Love candy. He's got money on him, but it's old money. Like, he's never used... He's old money. He's old money.

He hasn't used his money because he's just been stealing shit. Yeah. The two officers take the man inside... To this point, he's not responded to any of their questions. Finkel describes the man when he was caught. He's wearing new-looking blue jeans, a hood. gray sweat shirt, a sweatshirt, under a nice Columbia jacket and sturdy work boots. It's like he's just gone shopping at the mall. His backpack is from L.L. Bean. I don't know why that is, but I love it.

He looked tight. Only his eyeglasses with chunky plastic frames seem outdated. There's no dirt on him anywhere, and little more than a shading of stubble on his chin. He has no noticeable body odor. His thinning hair, mostly covered by a wool cap, is neatly cropped. His skin is strangely pale, with several scabs on his wrists. He's a little over six feet tall and broad-shouldered, maybe 180 pounds. The story of the hermit living in the harsh main elements always seemed too fantastical to Vance. This is the trooper. No one can survive for one winter, let alone decades of winter in the below freezing temperatures of the main outback. And now seeing him, she feels more certain. This guy,

did not survive those winters. As Finkel writes, no way did this guy emerge from the woods. He has a home somewhere or a hotel room and was just coming around to burglarise places. Hotel room for 25 years. He's staying at the Hilton. Mate, it is cheap at a, like, buy a place.

Honestly. He's been staying in the penthouse. It goes past 2am and the man still isn't talking. So the officers try a change of tact. Hughes offers the man a drink of water and some cookies. Fants' remains. removes his handcuffs and speaks with him alone. Asking his name once more, the man finally replies.

My name is Christopher Thomas Knight. So they got a name. Oh my God. They call back to the police head office and go, is there a missing person report? Does he get a criminal record? Nothing comes back at all. There's no information on him.

Wow. But now I'm going to tell you a bit about this man, Christopher Knight. Knight was born on the 7th of December 1965. He lived in Albion, Maine, a rural community located on the northeast side of Kennebec County in central Maine, around a 40-minute drive from where he was arrested

at the pine tree camp. He had four older brothers and a younger sister. He lived a relatively happy childhood with his siblings, but they weren't the Brady Bunch. The family was very private, not super emotional, not very emotionally close. Didn't have a TV show broadcasting their lives?

Exactly, yeah. They didn't. have three very lovely ladies and three boys of his own or whatever. However that jingle curse. Do they have an Alice? Do they have Alice? They did have an Alice. They got a sexy housekeeper.

And a butcher from memory. Reading was encouraged. He hunted moose with his father. Moose. The reason Finkel is the primary source on this subject is because he's the only journalist Knight has spoken to since being arrested seven years ago. according to Finkel, Knight had a fine childhood and good parents. Knight told him he had excellent grades in high school, though no friends, and graduated early.

Like two of his brothers, he enrolled in a nine-month electronics course at Sylvania Technical School in Waltham, Massachusetts. Then, still in Waltham, he took a job installing home and vehicle alarm systems, valuable knowledge to have once he started stealing. Yeah. Knight worked in the alarm installation job for less than a year before he, he quit. He drove back to Maine, driving past his childhood home without stopping, just for, quote, one last look around, before continuing north to where Maine really gets rugged, telling Finkel. I drove until I was nearly out of gas. I took a small road, then a small road off that small road, then a trail off that. From there, he parked his car, left his keys in it, and then in the

summer of 1986, Knight headed into the wilderness. So he's 21. He's 20. He's 20. So young. Some good math, Dave. And then just went, all right, I'm leaving the car behind. I'm leaving my life behind. I'm going bush. And he planned to live? Or do you reckon he thought he would die?

Well, I guess he, I don't know if he had huge plans. Crazy. This is what he said. It's absolutely wild. I had a backpack with minimal stuff. I had no plans. I had no map. I didn't know where I was going.

I just walked away. Was he listening to Crave? David. Well, he was on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. At first he moved around a lot, camping at different sites for a week or two before moving on, hiking south, saying, I lost track of where I was. I didn't care. Amazingly, before heading into the bush, Knight had never spent a night in a tent before.

He was pretty handy. I think he grew up on a little farm. He knew the outdoors pretty well, although he grew up in sorts of. sort of a farming area and this is more like rugged lakes and, you know, forest country. So it's quite different, but still. I reckon that that is actually to his advantage because camping is horrific. Yeah, he wouldn't have done it. So he didn't know how bad it was going to be.

He forage for food at first, eating roadkill. He then started taking vegetables from gardens. Quote, but I wanted more than vegetables. It took a while to overcome my scruples. I was always scared when stealing, always. He'd make sure. no one was home, then commit the burglaries in the dead of night. Quote, it was usually one or two a.m. I'd go in.

Hit the cabinets, the refrigerator, in and out. My heart was soaring. My heart rate was soaring. It was not a comfortable act. I took no pleasure in it, none at all. And I wanted it over as quickly as possible. It was quite different. You know, you were thinking, oh, someone who's doing it for the thrill of it. Yeah. It was quite the opposite. It was like, I need these things. To survive.

But I don't want to work for them. I don't want to, I guess, you know, obviously. Yeah. I don't want to live a normal life in society. So this is how he chose to do it. Knight continued to move around over the following two years before settling in one location for the next 25 years. He had one camp as his home. Once he found a spot, he thought, ideal, he settled in.

Due to the brutally cold winters, most North Pond residents Finkel spoke to found it hard to believe Knight's story that he camped through it all, especially as Knight insisted he never lit a campfire as the smoke would have alerted people to his existence Sugar Bowl in particular was like this guy's full of shit I think he said he goes to Finkel

and this is in the book he says do you mind if I swear he's fucking full of shit or something like that and then he's just going to ruin my life my wife left me I can't be married to a man called Sugar Bowl

I won't be Mrs. Sugar Bowl according to Finkel Well, many insisted that he either had help or spent the winters in unoccupied cabins. I challenged Chris myself. You must, I said, have had assistance at some time, or slept in a cabin or used a bathroom. Never once did I sleep inside, he said. He never used a shower or a toilet. After being arrested, he led officers Vance and Hughes to his campsite.

They couldn't believe it. It was all true. Knight really did brave the conditions for all those years. Plenty of locals still doubt his stories. I mean, just because he's shown you the campsite doesn't mean he was there every single night for 25 years. But I guess just seeing the campsite, it's like, there's evidence that this has been around for 25 years. Old newspapers and magazines, or not newspapers, magazines. And just like, it was just obvious that it had been that settled in.

He, some of the magazines he collected once you finish reading him, he bundled them into bricks and used them as flooring. So you could actually see as it went down almost like an ecological dig. I'm using that word right? Yeah, right. That's amazing. You can see the years going back to the late 80s. But he's clean-shaven. He's wearing like clean, relatively new clothes.

He doesn't smell, but he's never had a shower. Well, he sponge baths himself. There's a shower air at the camp. Yeah, okay. He bathes. And he steals new clothes. Right. He steals soap. He steals disposable razors.

Okay. He's explained it all to Finkel. And Finkel's like, I fully believe him. Vance also says, my job is figuring out what criminals are lying to me. And I just believe this guy. But then a lot of other people say he is full of shit. There's no way. Because it's really, really cold, isn't it?

Well, yes, at the coldest, it gets to negative 20. Fahrenheit, which is nearly negative 30 Celsius. No, thank you. Like temperatures that I've never experienced. It's been about 15 here this week, and I'm like, it's too cold. It is so cold this week. We put heat on. I very cold.

Yeah, my nipples are erect right now. I'm inside, and what is it, 10 degrees? Yeah. Thank you for giving me the jumper. I thought you're going to say, thank you for giving me that image. I don't know. I'm always welcome information about your nips. I'm right.

I'm right over here to see you now. Just over on those. Padded bra, I'm good. You'll never know. This thing might shock you. The campsite was on private property, only a few hundred feet from the nearest cabin, but it was in the perfect spot concealed by thick bush and boulders.

A few hundred feet. A few hundred feet from a cabin. And they had no idea he was there. So they don't even go for a walk when they're at the cabin. Well, I think they do, but it's just such thick scrub that you just can't. It's so well hidden. Hence he can't light a fire. Yeah, that's right.

Because you notice a fire a couple hundred feet away. Yeah. Finkel visited the camp a few months after the arrest. He described it like this. My goodness. Which I felt like, all of a sudden I'm picturing Dave Warnocky writing this. Oh, my goodness. My goodness.

That's such a Warnocky phrase. My goodness. Chris had carved from the chaos a bedroom-sized clearing, completely invisible from a few steps away. Situated on a slight rise that allowed enough breeze to keep the mosquitoes away. That's another thing. So it gets brutally cold, but the insects are full on at other times of the year. So it sounds like there's a few parts of the year where it's paradise, and then the rest of the time there's something that would just make me go nuts.

Why not steal like a really big tent? You know, you can get those ones that are like three rooms. They have like a living room in them. Get one of those. That's kind of what he's created with tarps and stuff. It's a huge, like the photos of it. It's like this is a huge place. He's got a tent to sleep in.

He's also stolen a bed frame for his mattress. Like, he's living pretty comfortably. Wow. Get one of those heated blankets. Yeah. It was surrounded by a natural stone hedge of boulders. Overhead tree branches linked to form a trellis-like canopy that masked his sight from the air.

This is why Chris's skin was so pale. He lived in perpetual shade. I ended up staying there three nights, says Finkel. Why? Watching the rabbits by day. Why? They just escaped out of you. Die.

Why did he stay there? I guess he's a journalist, right? You know, you study journalism. It's what you do. You get in there. You find the story. You live it. You breathe it.

He watched the rabbits by day at night, picking out a few stars behind the scrim of branches. It was as gorgeous and peaceful a place as I had ever spent time. He loved it. He thought it was amazing. But that wasn't during winter. He went there during summer in the ideal time to be there. By the time Finkel visited the site, the police had cleared much of night's set up.

But from photos and talking to night, Finkel paints a pretty vivid picture saying, He slept in a simple camping tent, which he covered by several layers of brown tarps. Camouflage, he felt, was essential. He didn't want to risk anything shiny catching someone's eye. So he spray painted in foresty colours, his garbage bins and his coolers and his cooking pot. He even painted his clothespins green. So he had a clothes line. He's got a cooking pot.

He's got a cooking pot. He's stolen pots and pans. My big question there is garbage bins. Is he taking out the trash? Is he recycling? He's got his own landfill area. So, and Finkel goes through it at one point. Because that would be evidence that you've been there for ages too, wouldn't it? Yeah, exactly. He had a kitchen area which he cooked on a stolen two burner stove, which is why I needed to seal so many propane tanks. Though he has said that, quote, cooking is too kind of word for what I did. His diet never evolved This sounds a bit like you too Dave

His diet never evolved From the one he had When he was a 20 year old Finko went through the campsites Buried Rubbish Uncovering amongst other things Quote A five pound tub

That once held marshmallow fluff An empty box of devil dogs Peanut Butter Cheetos honey Graham crackers Cool whip Tuna fish coffee tater tots

pudding soda El Monterey Spicy jalapino chimichangas And on and on and on It sounds like you're It's just a real like uni student diet. Despite night's sickly diet, he swears he never got sick. To get cold or flu, you need to have interaction with other people.

And he avoided that for 27 years. Oh yeah, that's pretty amazing. Only twice in all that time did he have brief interactions with people. Once when he walked past a hiker, and he was like, hi, that's all he said to them. And another time right towards the end of the 27 years when some fishermen stumbled upon him. and he had to be like, hey, I'm trying to not be known out here and they made a deal that they wouldn't tell anyone. So, yeah, that were the only two very brief conversations.

And they obviously followed through and didn't tell anyone. Yeah. And he apparently, he didn't really talk to himself, so he just hardly spoke. So he had to almost relearn how to speak once he was caught. So that also sort of tells you why he was so quiet once he was busted. Did he write anything down? No. He said that's, he said he wanted to take all his thoughts with him to the grave.

He expected to never come out. And if he ever came out, it would only be by force, which is what happened. So he didn't necessarily know, like I suspected before, like that people were aware of him. Exactly. He didn't know that. Yeah. So he was there, everyone around him, he must have known that they were, you know,

he was making so many robberies. He's estimated about 40 a year, which equals over a thousand break-ins over his time, which makes Finkel say, probably one of the biggest burglars of all time in Maine if you count, you know, amount of times broke in. He's so successful too. Not the amount of stuff he stole

because it normally amounted to like 18 bucks or... And totally, like, it makes sense that he's not taking jewelry and expensive stuff because he's got no use for it. He's not going to sell it. Exactly. But he also, he tried, in his mind, he had a moral code. So he'd still things,

but he'd be thinking about the people Great for just thinking about that disabled school obviously. Yeah, that sort of stuff. His younger sister, who he said when he was asked, did he miss his family? He said he missed some of them sometimes. But his younger sister had Down syndrome. So it's not like he wouldn't have had any empathy. And he was a relative he missed the most.

Because she was the sibling closest to him in age. He hung out with the most as a child. And, well, I don't know. I don't want to jump ahead too much. But did he reconcile? with a family at all? Oh, I will get to all that.

Yeah, that's so interesting, isn't it? Because I assume that they think he's probably dead. Yeah. So he's only real... So I found that fascinating. He never got sick 27 years. Yeah. Locals are like bullshit.

Bullshit. We get sick all the time. I think they just... They were hurt by him. Totally. He freaked them out for a quarter of a century, so they hate him. A lot of them do. They're not reacting logically.

They're reacting emotionally. Yeah. They're like, fuck this guy. Finkler said in the book somewhere he's like They took it personally if you believed his story Yeah Yeah yeah because that means you don't believe them His only real ailment was that his teeth were in a bad way

Which isn't surprising considering his diet Though he did brush his teeth every day But obviously he didn't make it to the dentist So I didn't go for 10 years and I had to have very expensive surgery So yeah he's teeth They're probably no good Now I go every six months.

Nice. Found a dentist who doesn't scare me. So like I said before, he had a bathroom area, which he kept stock with stolen toilet paper and hand sanitizer. He also had a laundry area. One of the guys who suggested this topic did so because of how the world did lockdown. He's like, this might be a good topic for, this guy did lockdown for a long time. It's amazing. So many things happened and you just didn't know about it.

Well, that's not quite true either. Did he keep still newspapers? It sounds like he really had everything you needed. Finkel writes, he stole deodorant, disposable razors, flashlight, snow boots, spices, mousetraps, spray paint and electrical tape. He took pillows off beds. He kept three different types of thermometers in camp, digital, mercury, and spring loaded, knowing the exact temperature was mandatory. He stole watches. He had to be sure while on a raid that he could return to camp before daybreak.

That was one of his rules. He was almost like a vampire. only was out at night time. He had bags stashed on the edge of camp with a second tent and other supplies so that he could make a getaway if his camp was ever discovered. Like he was fully committed to escaping the world.

To pass the time, he would read books. He would basically read whatever he could get his hands on during his raids, magazines, novels, non-fiction. And he read a lot. It sounds like he read hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of books. What would he do with the books? after he read him. Like, do you keep him or yeah?

Yeah, I don't know, because the magazines he turned into bricks. I'm not sure what he did with the books. I imagine, yeah, imagine he kept them in some way because he never returned anything. Yeah. He also stole radios and like listening to Talkback Radio, including Rush Limbaugh, yeah, who's like a conservative talkback host. He also loved listening to music.

He enjoyed classical music, but loved classic rock. He had strong opinions on all this stuff. Honestly, if people are up for an audio book or a book, there's way more colour and extra information that I don't have time to go into. But yeah, you had thoughts on which classical composers were worth his time and which weren't and all this sort of stuff. Mate, you've got endless time.

I've got endless time, but not in this episode. Do I? I thought you said you had someone to be. Didn't you say you've got to move house later? Yeah. All right. All right. Now I'm going to go into alphabetically what he thought about all the classic components.

How can he be fussy? Like, that's not worth my time. Well, I mean. Oh, sorry, him. I thought you meant me. Damn it. I'm so defensive. Actually.

I'm doing this for you, actually. So he loved classical music. He enjoyed classical music, but he loved classic rock. That was where I was at, Akkaddaka and all that sort of stuff. Especially Leonard Skinner. According to Finkel, he had all. it's like he sounded almost like a, even though he was never,

never studied at university, he sort of sounded like an academic the way he talked about books and stuff. Much like how I sound. Books and stuff. But he said that he never had more praise for anything than he did for Linnard-Skinid. Quote,

they will be playing Linnard-Skinid songs in a thousand years. That is definitely not true, Christopher. No. Oh, honey. That's cute. He had a TV even for a while, little black and white portable TV, but he found it drained too much power from his batteries. Obviously, he needed the batteries for radios and those sort of things.

He was very handy with the batteries, able to rig them all up for his various needs. When he gave TV away, he found a way to listen to the TV on the radio. His favorite programs being Seinfeld and everybody loves Raymond. Okay, that's all I need to hear about it. That creamer guy sounds hilarious. Imagine you're just hearing the applause The crowd is Cramarandas, but you don't know why?

All right, something there's happen. Knight's whole year was planned around surviving the harsh winters And they were harsh. Like I said before, they got as low as negative 20 Fahrenheit Around negative 30 degrees Celsius. Crazy cold. Summer was the busiest time for holiday makers at the North Pond. So as they started leaving it,

the end of the season, night got to work. It was his busiest time of the year. The first thing on his to-do list was to fatten himself up for the cold. I gorged myself on sugar and alcohol, he said. It's the quickest way to gain weight. From the bowl? And I like the inebriation. He was too young to go to bars when he went bush, and it probably wasn't his scene anyway, and his eccentric taste in alcohol probably reflects this. Finkle listed some of the empty bottles he found at the camp, including Allen's coffee-flavored brandy, Seagrams escapes strawberry daffery, and something called whipped chocolate valley vines.

And on the label it said, fine chocolate, whipped cream, red wine. Oh, oh. Yuck! What a wild combo. No, thank you. Maybe chocolate and whipped cream. Sure, red wine by itself.

Okay. What a wild combo. All together, no thank you. Wipped cream with red wine. I'd love to get something that could curdle with the wine, please. Do you have anything in the curdling sort of area? I want something to sit in my stomach and just kind of gurgle for a while. As the temperature just started to go south, he grew his beard out to help insulate his face.

Through the rest of the year, he would stay clean-shaven with the help of the stolen razors. And part of that was if he ever got caught or if he ever stumbled upon someone, they'd be like, oh, he's just some holiday maker. It doesn't look like a bush guy. He also made more regular raids during this time. So this is his busy time, post-summer leading up to the winter, making sure he had as much food and propane as possible for the winter. Knight was so careful about remaining hidden that he never left a footprint behind, meaning once the snow started a fall in November, he rarely left his camp as it would be impossible to get around without leaving tracks in the snow. He stayed bunker down for the following five months-ish. Finkel asked Knight if he went into some sort of human hibernation and slept through a lot of those months.

but Knight replied, completely wrong. Next question. It's dangerous to sleep too long in winter. During the coldest months, night would sleep from 7.30pm to 2 a.m. with being awoken by an alarm. This meant that he would be awake through the coldest part of the day, saying, if you try and sleep through that kind of cold, you might never wake up. At 2 a.m., he'd walk around his camp and try to get the blood flowing.

He'd also melt some snow on his stove, which would become his drinking water for the day. He had stolen great winter gear but was never able to get his feet to fully thaw, although he never lost any toes to frostbite. If things weren't tough enough, some winters he ran out of food whilst bunkered down. These were brutal times. Knight described it as, quote, physical, emotional and psychological pain. Imagine that cold, no food, it's just an absolute nightmare. So what would he do just try and hang on?

He just hang on or maybe he'd have to. He'd listen to the radio for a snow report, and if he knew snow was coming, he'd get out and do a quick raid knowing that the fresh snow would cover his tracks. Wow. So maybe he'd have to wait for days or who knows how long before the conditions would be right. The cash he found, the cash that was found on him when he was arrested was stolen a couple of dollars at a time during his raids. It was some sort of backup plan. There was a store where he could buy food not too far away. But if he didn't use it then when he was out of food, he never would and he never did.

That's why some of it was old and mouldy, because he'd had it for 27 years sitting in his same wallet that was out there in the elements. But according to Finkel, quote, when he heard the song of the chickadees, he told me he could finally relax. That alerted me that winter is starting to lessen its grip, that the end is near, that spring is coming and I'm still alive. Whoa. Finkel goes on. The cold never got easier. All his winter camping expertise felt offset by advancing age. Quote, you should have seen me in my twenties, he boasted.

I was Lord of the Woods. I ruled the land I walked upon. I was tough and clever. I love that confidence. Yeah. But then you just got older and it was just tougher every year. But over time, like an aging athlete, his body began to break down. The biggest issue was his eyesight.

For the last 10 years, anything beyond an arm's length was a blur. I used my ears more than my eyes. If he saw a pair of glasses during a break-in, he always tried them on, but was unable to find a better prescription. His agility faded, bruises took longer to heal, his teeth constantly hurt. To me, it sounds like it would have been a relief to get busted, but... I reckon. The only downside, because surely he's going to go to prison,

and therefore he's going to be surrounded by people, and that would be his worst nightmare. But you get fed, you got a bed, you don't have to try and survive winter. Yeah. You know? A lot of pros. Yeah, that's right. And I think, yeah, maybe he begrudgingly accepted some of those eventually.

But he hated it at first. All this came to an end on April 4th, 2013 when Game Ward and Terry Hughes caught him at the pine tree camp. Based on the timing, night must have just been coming out of his winter hibernation. You'd be like, couldn't this have happened at the end? you know, just pre-winter? Yeah. Shattered. Knight was obviously unable to make bail.

The mouldy notes weren't enough. So he remained behind bars while his crimes were investigated and his court date was set. Within days of his time at Kennebec County Jail, he caught an awful head cold. His first in over 27 years. His immunity was... Yeah, so low. But apparently after that, his immunity caught up and he didn't really get sick much after that. He got a new pair of glasses.

Again, his first in over 27 years. So he could sort of like see you again. He would have had headaches from straining all the time. And then you'd get in your glasses and you'd have a bit of a headache to adjust to that. And then smooth sailing. It almost feels like you'd be better off just getting rid of the glasses altogether at some point. Yeah, probably. But I'm, I should say I'm not an optometrist.

Okay, thank you. I'd be better off just removing his eyes all together. Yeah, get rid of them. Who needs them? You use your ears more. He's got ears now. He became a batman. He had, he always had him, Dave.

He had years. He hated jail, but was a model prisoner. He grew out his beard. He looked hot. Almost to play. Yeah, he was on the jail calendar. Oh, my God. Check out March.

Oh, Mr. November. So he grew out his beard, almost like he was playing the role of the hermit that everyone expected of him. But he also sort of saw as a bit of a mask. Yeah, right. You know, like you said, he didn't want to be around all these people. So he grew out the mask as some sort of a buffer. He assumed both of his parents would have died while he was in the woods, though he found out that while he was in there,

his father passed away 12 years earlier, but his mother, Joyce Knight, was still alive, then into her 80s. Wow. His mother held out hope that her son was alive throughout it all, and his brother's humoured. So they all assumed him to be dead. They'd say stuff like, oh, he's probably on an adventure in Texas. He's having a great time, Mum.

Yeah, he's all right. And then looking at each other like, he's definitely dead the family possibly hired a private investigator to try and track him down but that hasn't been confirmed they're very private they won't talk to Finkel they also live in the forest

but they never reported him missing to police quote culturally my family's old Yankee night told Finkel we're not emotionally bleeding all over each other we're not touchy-feely stoicism is expected that's why I guess that's why they didn't report him missing to a police they're like we don't rely on

knew we're self-sufficient. He asked the police to not contact his mother when he got out. He was ashamed of his criminal behavior. The police agreed, but the story was so big that it was only a matter of time before she found out. So he eventually allowed them to contact her. Apparently, when Trooper Vance called, she was at first in shock, then mad about the crimes, his mother, and then said, at my age, that's a lot to take in. You're not wrong, Joyce. You see your son's alive. He's been a criminal for 27 years, hiding in the bushes. Any questions? Okay.

Okay. I'm going to need a moment. That's a little bit of taking. Which son? Not Ron. I saw him the other way. You're telling me he was living in a forest. I went to his house for lunch.

No, Christopher. Oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, I thought he was in Texas. A knight didn't allow his mum to visit saying, look at me, I'm in my prison clothes. That's not how I was raised. I couldn't face her.

He wasn't raised in prison clothes. Surprising. It feels brutal though. I don't want her to visit me. Yeah, that's awful. But he also said he was doing it to protect her. He didn't think she'd be able to take it. It'd be a lot to take in.

Two of his brothers. Is it just because he was wearing orange and it just wasn't in his colour wheel? It wasn't in his weird. I wouldn't let my mum see me in orange. That's for sure. I'd say, don't look at me! Two of his brothers.

Joel and Tim did visit, though Knight admitted I didn't recognise them. Not Ron, though. Yeah, Ron didn't. He didn't recognise him? No. That's sad. On October the 28th, 2013, Christopher Knight appeared in Kennebec County Superior Court, pleading guilty to 13 counts of burglary and theft.

Based on Knight's maths, he committed over 1,000 robberies in the 27 years he was living as a hermit, but they were only able to make 13 counts stick due to statutes of limitations and lack of evidence. Shit. According to Finkl, Finkl, he was sentenced to seven months in jail. He'd already served all but a week of this, waiting for his case to be resolved. The sentence was far more lenient than it could have been, though even the prosecutor said a long-term prison term seemed cool in this case.

Chris was ordered to meet with a judge every Monday and avoid alcohol, and either find a job or go to school. If he violated these terms, he could be sent to prison for seven years. Despite all the music and reading and everybody loves Raymond, the number one thing Knight spent his time doing was nothing. That's why he likes Seinfeld, I guess. And when Finkel asked Knight about the nothingness, he had some interesting things to say.

Quote, first, he was never for a moment in all 27 years bored. He was never lonely. He said that he felt almost the opposite of that. He said he felt utterly and intricately connected. to everything else in the world. It was difficult for him to tell where his body ended and the woods began. He said he felt this utter communion with nature and the outside world. I mean, that's mainly because he couldn't see anything.

According to an article in the Atlantic, the forest granted him freedom, privacy and serenity, and it transformed his brain. He developed photographic recall, a proclivity for deep contemplation, and a limitless attention span. That's something that Finkel said. he just remembered every line of every book he read.

He just seemed to be able to... And he said, I don't have photographic memory, but to Finkel, it seemed like he did. And one of the thoughts is that it was just having all that time that basically expanded his brain. Wow. And Finkel's book goes into this sort of stuff a lot.

He explores hermits and what being alone and peace and quiet can do for you. I remember every shit I took in every hole I dug. Each of them different and special in their own way. He didn't feel good about re-entering the world, but he had to by court order. And he said, you know, he agreed he wouldn't go back to the criminal life. He wasn't allowed to go back to the bush, and he didn't. He moved back into his childhood bedroom and worked for his brother for food and rent.

He hated how the world had changed, saying, I don't like what I see in the society I'm about to enter. I don't think I'm going to fit in. It's too loud, too colorful, the lack of aesthetics, the crudeness, the inanities, the trivia. So he sounds like, yeah. That's like, I mean, that anyone who hated society before isn't going to like, I think in the world's too modern and fast-paced in the 80s, he's going to hate it now, obviously. Apparently, someone said, you know, it's great.

You can have this phone. You can do so much stuff. But he hated all that stuff. He's like, people are using their computers to listen to music. It's like a thousand dollar computer and you basically, basically, basically using it to listen to the radio. And he goes, people are texting on their phones.

It's basically an expensive telegram machine. It's like we're moving backwards. So what's your point? Do you want us to, like he's complaining about everything. It's funny that he's sort of complaining about it and talking about everyone else like they're idiots, but listening to it, you're like, yeah.

Yeah, I know, dickhead. Yeah, that's the point. Yeah, I know, is it an interesting thing? You'd think he'd be, he'd like that. oh, it's going back to sort of you don't have to talk on the phone. Apparently, during prison, he never called anyone. He didn't want to speak on the phone. He never really liked phones anyway.

Wow. Interesting. Yeah, well, that's pretty much the end of the report. There's obviously a lot of detail, color and that sort of stuff that I've recommended it a few times. But yeah. Mickey the Fink. Mickey Fink's book. So good.

Amazing. So he's just still living a normal life then? Yeah, well, I mean, this is only a few years ago now. Yeah. It was six years. He re-entered society. So, so amazing. So as I know, yeah, he's, he's keeping a low-profile life.

How old would he be now? His 50s? He didn't know his 50s, sort of mid-50s. Far out. What a wild story. Maddie's due, can I just say, amazing report. Great. Gripping.

Great stuff. This week has been, yeah, I've been, you know, like you do when you write a report. I've just lived that for a week or so. And it's always funny. Like, it's funny to think in a year I won't be able to remember a single. thing about this. Because if I went to the woods though, I'd remember every line of it. Remember it all.

Yeah. Because I don't know how you feel about it, but during reading it, apart from the winter stuff, I'm like, that's fucked. But a lot of it, I'm like, I love the idea of this. I reckon I could do it, just go live out in the bush by myself. Forever. Or for a long stretch. I think I would really enjoy that.

So you'd enjoy a camping holiday. By myself for years. You need, mate, you need two weeks at a big full. and you'll be right. Caravan park sort of... Let me tell you need two weeks and a big pool. Let me tell you.

Let me tell you. Let me tell you. You'll see a pool. They got a barbecue area. They got everything you need. Fuck, Dave. That's so funny. Well, it is now time, I guess, for the fact quote or question section, which is what

a lot of people say is the best part of the show. I don't know if I agree necessarily. I think it's an equal best part of the show. But yeah, unfortunately the listeners are very adamant. This is the best part of the show. I mean, some say bring it to the top of the show, but we refuse. So the way you get involved in this is if you go to patreon.com slash do go on pod and you get on the Sydney-Shaunberg Deluxe Memorial Rest in Peace package,

edition level. And you get to give us a factor quote or a question. You also get to give us a title for yourself. There's a bunch of different rewards on this level, including you get to choose, vote for the topic. This week's topic was voted for by the Sydney-Shaunberg-level people in a landslide. Can we just say they chose very well? That was great.

But before we shout out to a first person, we haven't done the theme song, the jingle. Oh, so it does have a jingle, doesn't it? How does the jingle go? Fact quote or question? Ding! Thank you for remembering, Dave, because I was just like, yeah, all right, here we go. It just doesn't feel official unless we hear that ding. These people would probably ask us to do it again.

So you're more about the ding than they're. No, that's the end of the theme song, which signals now it's time for. I always forget about the ding. That's one of my favourite symptoms quotes. You forget about the ding. So the first fact, quote, or questioner, is David Mollofsky, a place to hang your cape. He has a website all about superheroes and whatnot. Yes, we've met him in London a couple of times.

Fantastic chap. Lovely chap. I also went for chap. He's given himself the title, Triptitch Club President. President Brackets pending election Oh, I like that He's putting himself forward

I love the nomination Giving yourself the nom Presidential candidates Yeah, I love that very much Frontrunner Yeah But I love the spin on it Yeah

No, I am I'm just awaiting election He's given us a question And it reads thusly People, long-term listeners will know that I don't read these out Till I read them out

Here I go, firstly some official business So I love that From the Prez As of March the 18th episode, the Triptitch Club finally has a quorum to begin electing an executive board as laid out in the club charter of 1966. Very good year. I would like to use this opportunity to announce my campaign for club president. My platform is a simple one as club president. I promise to add gold trim and personalized names onto the club smoking jackets. And in addition to Margarita Wednesdays,

we will also be adding a weekly bottle of champagne for each member. Jeez. Buying votes. I love that. A weekly bottle of champagne. Pretty good. I guess this is his slogan. A vote for me is a vote for bubbles. Oh, I love that. Could be confusing for chimpanzee fans out there, but...

It doesn't say a lot for politics. He's just like, let's get drunk and wear cool jackets. Well, have I told you about this before? When I was in Year 7 and the Year 12s, we're putting themselves forward to be voted as school captain as it was at that time. I think teachers later chose who was going to be, because one guy said, if you vote for me, I'll grow an afro.

Everyone voted for him. He grew on afro and he was school captain. That was his platform. That's bad. After that, yeah, the teachers started nominating people. The teachers have the final say. Vote for me, I'll grow on afro. Yep, I mean, it was a sweet effort.

I've got no leadership skills. I don't actually give a shit about the position. I probably won't turn up to school most days, but I'll have an afro when I do. Great afro though. Now, so this is question. Inspired by the coronavirus, binge buying, I said that funny.

I wanted to ask, what's your binge by? And I don't mean toilet paper. Mine was Reese's chocolate Easter eggs. I binge by them even when the world isn't going crazy. What's the one thing you can't run out of? I know this for Dave. Well, there's two for me. One, which I already had a large stock of, which was baked beans.

Fortunately, they last a long time. And the other thing was, which I don't often have that often at home, is frozen pies. Because usually I'll go and get one, but with lots of bakery. closing. It's actually a lot harder to get your hands on a good quality meat pie at the moment. So that's why I stocked up. I've got a few packets for the freezer. Mine's so boring. I just can't run out of coffee pods or milk so then I can have the coffee. Nice. Did you get long life just in case? Oh, good call. No, I have always been able to get milk.

Okay. Sorry to brag, but I've been able to find milk every time. Nice. Yep, pretty good. You got a great nose to milk. There's been a pretty solid stash. of chocolate. Like, I don't run out of chocolate before I buy more chocolate, you know? Right. Which I normally don't do. But this time it's like, well, we can't not have that. Yeah.

Need that. Mine's probably pasta. Bags are pasta. Yeah, good one. I've never run out of pasta before getting more pasta. Yep. I love variety. I'll go through phases, different kinds, different shapes. What's at the top of the list at the moment? At the moment, I'm on these little, real tiny little tubes. You know that you get the big, tubes and the penna tubes, which are just like tubes cut on an angle. These ones are a real tiny little... Like macaroni? It's almost like macaroni, but it's not. But like straight macaroni. Yeah, it's like a little bit longer than macaroni, I guess. That sounds young. I like I like small stuff. Yeah. I go and then I sometimes I love big stuff, like big shells or big

spirals. I love big rig or tony. Oh, big rig. Yeah. I love a big rig. Yeah. I love a big rig. Thank you so much for your question. A good question. And for your, uh, your pitch for Hey, we'll put you forward, but we can't. Do we even vote? We can't be, no, I don't think we vote, and we can't be seen to be influencing. It's a much more Australian sort of system where everyone just gets one equal vote,

unlike the confusing American system, which I have not got my head around. No, I don't get it. With the colleges and the super delegates. I know some of these phrases. I don't fully have my head around it. I think it's supposed to be based on population, but... Right.

Well, Australia does that kind of with the Senate then. Yes, right, yeah. But that's also trying to... No, that's not population, though. No, that's just making all the states... Yeah, all the states have equal say in the upper house. But the territories, not so much. Yeah.

Which is one of the carrots where they have tried to encourage Northern Territory to become a state. And they didn't want to. They're like, you'll get more senators. Like, yeah. So, but Northern Australia sounds shitty. But we'll have to have more of your rules. Thank you. much a place hanging

Cape, aka David Milofsky. I'd also love to thank Dan Peterson, who's given himself the title, everyone's number one best friend. Jeez, that sounds exhausting. Yeah. So many best man speeches. So many. You're the number one best man I know.

What do you mean best man three times? You've been a groomsman even more than that. Yeah. Have you lost count? You're a good friend. No, I don't have a man. I think you've told me at least three, right? Yeah, three times best man.

I think seven times groomsmen. Amazing. Seven time best and fairest. My first time is a bridesmaid, maid of honour. Straight at the top. It's all downhill from here. I don't have that many friends.

I work my way up from the outside of the, on the altar, you know, yeah, yeah, I start on the outside. Now I'm here. Clod your way in. But anyway, and on top of that, he'd also have to be doing all these buddy. Funeral speeches,

whatever they call them? Eulogies. Eulogies. Funeral speeches. I'd like to make a funeral speech. speech please, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. A bit of shush, please, bit of shush, making a funeral speech. But it's another question from Dan.

And Dan asks, one of my favorite episodes was the report on the Montreal screw job. Thank you so much. It was a fantastic story. If you were a professional wrestler, what would be, what would you call your signature move? Oh, okay. Geez, you've almost already got a rock Johnson style elbow licking thing. Is that something he did? He used to lick his elbow and then...

No, he did the people's elbow. Right. Which involved running around the ring and then sort of dropping his elbow onto the person. That's right, yes. But there was a big wind-up to it, lots of music. And the audience knew it and they'd do it with him. Yeah, maybe I could be the people's licker of elbows. Yeah.

The wet elbow. I'm giving him the wet elbow. Oh, I just lick the microphone. accident oh god i'm in my elbow in this climate oh god don't look anything oh what about my elbow one of my best ever tweets i don't think it got much love was uh everyone knows about dwayne the rock johnson's people elbow but what people don't realize the other elbow it was a bit of a recluse that's funny that's funny that's funny that's funny that's funny that's funny that's funny but is your move the people's recluse uh i don't know what would what would you do jess there's a wrestling

move yeah what would you close i'll be honest i zoned out for a sec there so I had to piece it together based on Dave's explanation. Oh yeah, we've been asked for our signature wrestling move. My, my, oh, just to give you a more time to think about it. Stone called Steve Austin. He had the stunner. That was my favorite. Oh, the burger. I would do a cartwheel. Yeah. And on the way down, kick him twice in the head. Oh, what do you call that? That cartwheel.

Cartwheel. Cart and kick. Can we want the cartwheel? Kick wheel. Oh, that sounds good. All right. I'm just going to say, first thing come to my mind, pigs and The pig's nipple. Yeah, now, Dave, you know wrestling better than me. What would that be? Well, obviously, you're a bad guy. Yeah, I'm a heel.

You're a heel. Are you just still thinking about your nipples? I guess so. And pigs. The pig's nipple. I think what you do is like you get your nose or your snout, if you will, and you rub it on their nipple and sniff. I hate this noise. Until they go, all right, I'm out.

Please start. This is just. literally disgusting. This is literally disgusting me. I feel literally disgusting. And then they vomit. Oh. They slip in the vomit.

You pin them. Done. The pig's nipple. Dave, that is so brilliant. Can you tell that I'm a big wrestling fan? Yeah, I can. I know what a lingo.

It's beautiful. Vomit. I'd love to thank a few other patrons if I may. I'd love you to kick this off. Before, I should say, thank you so much, Dan. Fantastic question. Thank you, Dan. Hopefully these were satisfying.

answers. What, kickwheel? Of course. Kick wheels, is brilliant. The people's licking elbow. The wet elbow. Yeah.

Welbo. The well. Here he is. Oh, it's the wellbo. Yeah, I'm trying to, pig's nipples a bit clumsy. What about pig nip? Pig nip.

He's going in for a pig nip. Yeah, there it is. Oh, look at it. Because you could be like a real redneck type. Look at that ball. Go. Yeah. What I'm talking about?

Especially with that hair. Yeah. Just everything about you. Well, I'd be in a strait. I'm not doing an accent. Yes, you are. You're Joe Dirt. No, I'm going to be, I'm going to be Ozzy Matt Stewart. Something cool like that. That's my stage name.

Ozzy Stewart. Yeah. Oh, they'd get you to do something like... Down under Dingo Diver. Oh, the Dingo Divers in. What about they get you to do? Your move would be called like the crocodile hunter or something. Yeah.

And you just hunt for their dick. I was thinking that too. I wasn't going to say it. I wasn't going to say it. Cockatoll. Find it. The Cockatol. I mean, there's a great porn parody title.

Cockadile, indeed. Must exist. All right, but I'd love to thank a few other Patrions who are involved at a different level. It's the shoutout level. The shoutout level. You can see it if you go to Patreon.com slash dig on pod. We're going back through a few that we've missed due to the clumsy system on Patreon. When you're sorted by date, it would be a little bit different every week.

Yeah, it's fun. But I would love to thank someone who's been waiting patiently since. 2018. From Berlin in Deutschland, it's Silke Westerhoff, or Westerndorf. Probably Silke Westendorf.

Dave, you're the German of the show? Vestendorf. Silk Westerndorf. That's beautiful. What an amazing name. Incredible to have you listening. You haven't given us a game yet, Jess. No, so I was thinking a location

that they would hermit to. Oh, where would you hermit to? Yeah. What do you get that? the location they go to and what item they would take, for example, a sugar bowl. Okay, great. So where are you going and what are you taking? Yeah, love that.

So from Berlin. All right. So is he getting out to the, or she, I don't know, silk? Getting out to the German countryside, maybe somewhere way, I know this is a fair way away from Berlin, but maybe somewhere in the black forest. Oh, that sounds great. That sounds nice. And what's silk?

There is cake there. It's a cake forest. But still go to take it to the cake forest? Cake knife. They'll steal from a local house. They will steal a box, like a wooden box that inside of it had marbles.

Okay. And the person they stole from would get the nickname, Marble box. And they'd walk around and go, I've lost me marbles. Oh, we know. It's all you talk about.

show of marbles a long time ago. Thank you. Silke. Thank you. Marble Box, Vestandor. Incredible. I'd also love to thank from Jersey in Great Britain

Charlie Reeve or Rive. Oh, Charlie Rive. Charlie Rive. Charlie has arrived. From the Channel Island. Yeah, where about, where are they getting off to? Moving to a different Channel Island.

Oh. But maybe like an unoccupied one that no one's discovered somehow. That makes sense, yeah. That makes sense. What are they, what are they taking with them? What about they're stealing? Some Polaroid film.

Oh. But no camera, so it's quite useless. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're still shaking it, you know? Yeah. I guess they're blood flowing in winter. Who knows? At night.

Shake it like a Polaroid picture. Who knows? It's going to come up, I haven't been. Imagine if it did. That'd be terrifying. I've been checking it for years. That'd be so scary if a photo camera. That's a great horror film premise.

Yeah. Someone's shaking a film for years. That's the first hour and a half. May I thank some people as well? I would love it so much if you did. Thank you so much, Charlie. Thank you so much, Silke. I would love to thank from Rhodes in New South Wales, Kayla Atkins.

Oh, Kayla Atkins. Fantastic work, Kayla Atkins is going to hermit in Orange in New South Wales. Oh, yeah. Fantastic. Because if you dress all as orange, no one will notice you. Exactly. There's a fact I read this week. The original oranges weren't orange.

They were green. What? Is that because when fruit sprouts, it is green and then goes orange? Is that what that means? They remained green. But they were still big? Oh. Cool.

Because you know, navels are like a, they're sort of a freak. They're like a mutant orange. And they're all, all naval orange trees come from the same tree. And they're all off cuts from the same tree. And they're just like infer. fertile. So that's why they all have to go back from that same tree. You can't grow more naval orange trees from a naval orange or anything. I didn't know that. There's one original tree. They're still used. Yeah, well, I guess they've

got multiple cuttings from that, but they are all traced back to that one tree, I believe, or something like that. That is incredible. And you know, like they have that, that almost like a mini orange inside naval oranges. Sometimes they get different sizes, but there's that, that's part of the mutation. That's crazy. What's the mini orange inside? I don't eat enough oranges. Oh, navels are fantastic. They're the best eating orangees. I love oranges. I don't know why I don't eat them. I could just eat an orange. Just get one on the way down.

Valencia's a better juicing oranges, but the navel's for eating. You can't top them. I should start eating oranges. Anyway, thank you to Kayla. What does Kayla steal? Oranges. Yeah, that makes sense.

Oranges from orange. Navel oranges. Oh, right, but she wanted a juice. Navel tree clippings, and she keeps trying to plant new trees from the seeds, but it ain't working because she hasn't learnt that fact until now. She'll be agape somewhere. Her gob will be a gate.

These people listening on tiny little transistor radios. Yeah. They're in the hermitting away. I think that she went to orange, seeing that as the mecca of orange. Of course. Sadly, it was not to be. It was not the case. So thank you very much to Kayla.

I would also love to thank, if I may, from Regina S. S.K. in Canada. I'm guessing Canada. Is that Saskatoon? No, Saskatchewan is the place. Saskatchewan. Saskatoon is a place. I would love to thank Clayton Bender.

Clayton Bender, fantastic. Where does Clayton go? Well, I love that name, Clayton Bender. He goes to the Dandenongs outside of Melbourne. Oh, beautiful. And I know it's a bit of a journey. And he steals scones. He still scones and an ornate tea set.

Yeah, it's actually quite cute and quite squint. And the person he steals it from gets the nickname Teapot. And they're stoked about that because they, run a tea shop. So it's perfect. That's a great nickname to a teapot. Hey. Oie, teapot.

What are you looking at, teapot? Ooi, teapot. What's your fucking problem? You toilet. Shut it. Shut it. Shut your teapot toilet. Yeah, that's so good.

I love that very much, Clayton. Clayton, Bender. Fantastic name. Come visit. We're not too far away. Clayton. I know you're hermituting, so you probably won't. But, you know, you could if you like.

Jesse, I think you might have missed someone there yet again. a couple, about three up from there. Claire Id, maybe short for Claire Idris. See her? Yeah, that one. It just says Cid for me. That's why I skipped it. Oh, right. Well, I'm looking at the email address and that. Right. Sorry, I skipped that on purpose. Sorry, Claire, you've been skipped on purpose. But we're going back to you now. Sorry. I was like, oh, that's not full.

Claire might be actually slightly hermitude-ish as it is because she hasn't given us an address, but yeah. What do you think Claire? What's Claire's go? Claire Hermits in the Rocky Mountains. Oh, looking for Fenn's treasure. Yes. Oh, so good. And that's what she solved.

That's how it started. Yes. That's how it started was just looking for Fens' treasure, and then she decided I'm just going to stay here. She didn't find it. did find it. Wow. So she's rich, but she's not using it at all.

Claire, I love your style. Love that. I love that energy. Good job, Claire. Sorry, I skipped you on purpose. I could not read that far across. Thank you so much, Claire.

Do you want to have a crack at a couple here, David? I would love to, and the name is jumping out at me here because it's next, but also because it's amazing. I'd like to thank all the way from Great Britain, Dylan, Harvey, Elvis Humphrey. Oh, my God. goodness gracious.

Jeez. Named after Bob Dylan, Robert Harvey, Elvis Costello, and Humphrey B. Flabert, Bear, four of the greats. Incredible. Wow, fantastic Dylan. Thank you so much for your support.

And I think Dylan is hiding the least populated place going around. Antarctica. Yes. People doubt that he could survive the winters or the summers. Yeah. But he's doing it.

He's fine. He's thriving. He loves it when summer breaks. Like, oh, thank you. God. Oh, thank God it's on the amount of 25. Catch some of these rays. Oh, that's, I love that sort of, uh, uh, go-thel.

And the item that he's taken is a large lasagna tray. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He's hoping to get some supplies. He's yet to come across streets of pasta and make a lasagna, but one day he'll achieve his dream of having a lasagna in Antarctica. And he's absolutely left a burden behind for the man he saw it from. A lasagna tray.

Lanzania tray. Oie, LT, get over here. I didn't even like lasagna that much. I don't even miss it. I didn't even miss it. I didn't care. I didn't replace it. Whatever.

Thanks so much, Dylan. Dylan, fantastic name. Oh, now, finally like to think from Miner's Rest in Victoria. Well, that sounds already sounds like it could be. Because I don't know that town. I don't know Diggers Rest. Does sound a little bit like you'd be hiding in an old gold mine. Yes.

And that person would be Karen Loder. Karen Loder. Fantastic. Sound like an action star yourself. Karen Loder. Karen Loder reporting for Julie. Hello, it's me, Karen Loder. All right, what we got?

Yeah, I'm taking them out. That's right. K-Lodas in town and bad guys are getting nervy. Karen, you've obviously bought your favorite stolen item with you. What have you brought with you? Well, I took it from my Uncle Doug. He didn't see me coming or going. He was out at the time.

And I took his whole bookshelf. The whole thing. Yeah. How'd you get it out? I took the hinges off the door. You had to blow the bloody doors off. I had to blow the bloody doors off. I never said I'd blow the bloody doors off, but I did.

Because I don't tell people what I'm going to do. I'm Karen Loder. You have a rich backstory, Karen Lutter. And then you sleep in a goldmider tonight. Yeah. Is that true? in regional Victoria probably Is there a chance that you'll ever reunite with your brother

Jason Statham? That geyser He's good for nothing Plus if his heart rate gets to Oh he dies or something He's a confusing character Liked him in Lockstock though It's been emotional

Fantastic Well thank you so much Karen Loder A real tribute to you by Doing your voice on the show Yeah you're welcome for that And yeah, well, that's all our thank you, use and shoutouts, but there are potentially a few more in the Triptitch Club. Let me just check that.

But for the existing members, our new members, Jess, they have a cocktail or an hors d'oeuvre today. You better believe it. We're talking chocolate. We're talking whipped cream. We're talking red wine. Oh, no. Don't make them drink it.

No, it turns out it's really nice. Okay. So we're having that. And then for snacks, we're going for sweet treats today. So there's just chocolate and there's whipped cream and little cubes of frozen red wine. Oh, delicious. It'll melt in your mouth. Wow, Dave, do you want to quickly explain what this club is?

This club is for exclusively for members that have been supporting us on Patreon at the bonus level. Oh, bonus episode level or above. Or shoutout level on above, yeah. For three consecutive years. So 36 straight months they've supported this show or more. And we cannot tell you how surprising and appreciated that is. Yeah, it's awesome. It's lifetime membership.

Absolutely. So you are inducted into the Trip Ditch Club. There's snacks, there's canapage. People who aren't in the club can stand on the other side of the Velvet Rope and peer in. Yeah. But it's cold out there. And it's beautiful, it's perfect temperature. Whatever your perfect temperature is is what it is inside the Trip Ditch.

It's crazy. You don't know how we do it. Don't ask. And we're going to have a... Any music this week? I think we're going to have Chris Isaac doing an acoustic set. Oh, great. And you better believe Baby did a bad, bad thing.

Oh. Boom, boom, boom, bum, bum, bum, how's he going to do that acoustically? This on his little guitar. And he's going to do this. Ooh, I didn't think so. We're all joining in from the back. You better hope so. And then he weeps.

He weeps because Dave's got a gun on his head. He does not want to be performing this. Is that you feel like cry? haven't you tried crying? I cry for me, I will put a bullet in your head. It's a weird place. So come on out.

But enjoy it. You love Chris. I mean, he isn't in the club though. That's why I don't get treated as well. Yeah, we're nice to it. People at the club. After all that, do we have some new inductees?

We have one inductees. Thank God. Because Chris is not playing to no one. Well, everyone else, I mean, there's still tens of people who are already in the club. You know, mingling, having fun. Yeah, it's a good amount. It's not too crowded yet, but, you know,

it's like enough for a vibe. Yeah. And this. This week, the one inductees from Bearwood East in Victoria, Australia. It's Sophie Waldron. Sov, welcome to the club. Great to have you in. Our official photographer.

Will you be taking photos of Chris Isaac? Yeah, you will, because I'll ask you to. Thanks for the support, Sophie. Thanks, Sov, you're the best. It does feel like we've known you a long time now, and we appreciate your ongoing support. Awesome. So good.

All right. Well, that pretty much brings us to the end of the episode. Anything else we need to talk about? Probably not really. I don't think so. This is the end of, we don't have any more live streams to play. They're done for the time being, but due to the great response of how, we're already talking about doing it again sometime.

Feel free to let us know that that's a good idea or not. But yeah, I've also, I did a chat with Dave recently on my YouTube channel, YouTube.com slash Matt Stewart. If you want to check that out, it's called Matt Chat, Jess. Hoping to do one with you coming up. Don't do it as a trap. Okay, thank you. I want to go into.

I'm basically my generation's Michael Parkinson. I get people to really open up. What did you open up about, Dave? You open up and then you roast you. It's like, oh, childhood trauma, bang! You're like, oh my God. I'm never opening up again. That sounds fun.

Open up about my favourite type of orange juice. I will not make that mistake again. No, I never do that. Sorry about that, Dave. I'm just getting that zone. The roast zone. It's such a man. King of Sting.

My God, Michael Parkinson, there's Jimmy Carter. Ow, that hurts. Jesus. And yeah, I don't know, yeah, our YouTube channels there, YouTube.com slash do you go on pod. All our things are at dogo on pod, including our Gmail, address, our website, with a dot com at the end, and all our social media. So get involved in all that. If you want to, no pressure. No pressure.

We're also, after this little project of the live streams, we've done, the next thing we're turning our attention to, which we're really excited about, is our web series coming up soon, which is going to be on the stupid old channel. so definitely get on to the stupid old channel on YouTube and subscribe. If you do like and subscribe genuinely, you will be the first people to see the show. Yeah. And that should be coming. That's coming up imminently.

We recorded a little while ago back in the bearded days. Yeah. Dave looks exactly the same. Jazz's hair slightly shorter. But we all look like we can go out and hug each other. Maybe we even do hug at some point. We're sitting so close. close together, yeah.

I mean, it's camera trickery, but to have people look like they're sitting quite close together, you actually have to sit on top of each other. Yeah. Which we were. Yeah. And there's cow in the background. It's actually a bundle of cats.

Sicky tape together. Anyway, that's the end of this episode. Jess has got to go move her house because she's a little bit mad. She actually chose to move house. I know. I only do it when I'm evicted. Yeah.

I genuinely, that's the last time I moved. I was kicked out. Anyway. There were several legal ramifications. I'm not allowed to speak about that. Well, yeah, thank you so much. We'll be back next week. But until then, thank you and goodbye.

Later. Bye. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want, it's up to you. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months.

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