Do Go On - 249 - The Great Diamond Scam

Episode Date: July 29, 2020

We all know that 'Diamonds Are Forever', but have they always been? Turns out De Beers, with the help of some clever marketing, were able to build up the diamond myth throughout the 20th century. How far did they go in their quest to create demand for diamonds?Buy tickets to our live streamed shows on July 18 + 25, August 1st + 8: https://sospresents.com/authors/dogoonSupport the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPodCheck out our web series: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2TuMQ31VXvqqEus9Bo6FZW-dDY5ukEuh Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-TopicTwitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasREFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:http://www.edwardjayepstein.com/diamond.htmhttps://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2015/02/how-an-ad-campaign-invented-the-diamond-engagement-ring/385376/https://www.huffpost.com/entry/7-reasons-why-you-shouldn_b_1720870https://www.debeersgroup.com/the-group/our-historyhttps://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-32131829

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This week's episode of Do Go On was recorded live at Stupid Old Studios. That's right.

And not just the audio, but the video, which we streamed live, but you can also catch up on it at sOS presents.com. Yep, you can get a season pass and watch all four live streams for the price of three. That is an absolute bug on. So that's this week's last week's, and you can even watch the next two live, including next week's 250th. I was going to say birthday, but we're not that old 250th episode celebration. That's right.

And at the end of all these episodes, we do an extra little bit. We did a Q&A. We've done a quiz. The one for the 250th. We did a fact finder. That is absolutely right. We gave our best Pope Facts and also facts about spiders and remake films. And one other thing, but we won't tell you what.

You have to watch it to find out. But next week for the 250th, we'll be having a little birthday or party celebration afterwards. So with a few live guests videoing in. So if you want to get involved at that, again, it is sOS presents.com. But if you want to hear the edited version of the podcast, just keep listening now. Minus dog, because there's dog in the video version. Yeah, that's right. We had a dog break.

Little tiny dog. Just wandered onto the stage from nowhere. We're wearing a hoodie. It's very cute. Yeah, where did it come from? I'm not sure. We didn't ask enough questions. And where did it go?

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit Planet Broadcasting. For more podcasts from our great mates. Welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnocky and as always I'm here with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart. Hi Dave, hi, Jess. Hi, Matt. Hi, Dave.

Hi. It's so good to be here once again. We're here to do a show, a podcast show if you will. Yes. And it's about learning, but it's about laughing along the way. Isn't it? Yeah. And do you know what I've always found that really at the end of the day, it's,

it's about the friendship. You know what I mean? I think that. Dave's about the money, obviously, but I'm about the friendship. Yeah, I'm about the friendship as well. Yeah. All aboard. The friendship. The friendship train.

I get it. I get what you're saying. I love modes of transport. I love them. Word play. It's good fun. It is good. It's good fun. Is that a pun? I don't know anymore.

How does this show work? That's a question on everyone's lips. People are tuning and going, but what the fuck is this? Dave, can you help them out? I haven't read any description of this episode at all.

Well, basically, if you haven't read anything, we take it in terms of report on a topic, often suggested by a listener, but not always. And whoever gives a report, they start with a question

because the other two people don't actually know what they're going to bang on about. For hours and hours and hours, bang it. Yep, yep, yep, yep. And this week, I'm asking that.

question because I'm doing the report and my question is what object has been sung about by previous report subjects the Beatles reanna and Marilyn Monroe oh um okay happy birthday mr president okay have they all done that well the Beatles did have a song happy birthday as well oh yeah okay Maxwell silver hammer yes the topic today is bang bang sergeant pepper's lonely hearts club band yes they're all all famously saying about that club band. Can we have a clue? Another previous topic that it relates to is James Bond.

There was one of the titles. Oh, Money Penny. The Revenge of Money Penny, that famous James Bond film. Diamond! Yes. Oh! What? Guess wins again.

So obviously, you don't know, Beatles sang Lucy in the Sky. Diamonds, Rihanna saying diamonds and Marilyn Monroe saying, Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Yeah. So this... My best friend is Christy. This week's topic is based... Let's also our best friend.

Hi, Tom. Oh. I genuinely don't have a best friend. I don't know my friend Tom is watching. When I've said that, I'm sure I've said this before. When I was a kid, my mom told me it's stupid. to rank your friends. It is pretty stupid, yeah.

So I've never done it. But it is important to name your precious gems. Yes. No, rank your precious gems. I got diamond, ruby, sapphire. That's your top three. Amethyst. Yep.

The big four. Okay. Don't ask me for a fifth. So this topic was suggested to, I was halfway through writing another report, which I'll do down the track. And then I was chatting to my dad, and he suggested this topic,

diamonds. And so that's what I'm going to be doing about. So it was suggested by a listener. Yep. Me old man. Would he be your best friend? Oh, he's one of my very good friends, yes. One of your first friends.

You wouldn't even say one of my best, one of my good friends. I'd like to introduce you to a good friend. My dad. Well, it's funny. I mean, you know, it's funny how I'd sort of, you don't necessarily think of parents as friends. No. I mean, yeah, sure. When I was in high school and some girls I went to school would be like, oh, my mum's my best friend.

And I asked my mom, I was like, are we best friends? She was like, I'm not your friend. She's like, I'm your mom. I was like, fuck yeah, mom. Why to assert boundaries, you know? Even now, I'm like, want to go shopping? She's like, no. No, I'm kidding.

We're friends now. Yeah, no, I think, uh, what is a diamond? What is a diamond? According to Dictionary.com, this is my favorite, like, um, padding of a report. You see someone doing a talk somewhere and you're like, oh, they've got nothing. Yeah. The Cambridge Dictionary defines diamond as. Dictionary.com calls it a precious stone consisting of a clear and colorless crystalline form of pure carbon,

the hardest naturally occurring substance. I didn't know that. It's a fun fact right off the bat. That is, yep. I'm not really talking about diamonds in general. I'm talking about the kind of the modern day myth. Or according to the Huffington Post, the most common misconception about engagement rings is that there's some kind of ancient tradition

that's deeply embedded in human history and societies around the world. This is completely false. The idea of a diamond engagement ring is roughly a century old. Guess who invented the concept. Not surprisingly, it's the same people who mind the diamonds. The De Beers Diamond Syndicate. How far did De Beers go in their quest to create demand for diamonds? Well, that's what we're going to talk about today.

You know, it would be so good if by at the end of this, he proposes to me. And then everyone gets to see me going, No. Oh, what? You have misunderstood this. We are acquaintances. I didn't even list you on the best friends list. Well, um...

Wouldn't that be funny, Matt? Wouldn't that be hilarious? Matt's just going to... Just alright. Well, I've got to rewrite a little sort of. Dave, what do you reckon? He's going to propose a day. Okay.

Uh, okay. So in 1982, Edward J. Epstein wrote an article for the Atlantic titled, Have you ever tried to sell a diamond? Energy talks about how the De Beers Group helped create the modern value of diamonds. And a lot of the articles that are still being written about it today go back to this. He's sort of like the investigative journalist who broke this open a little bit. But it's funny, it was before you were born. I've lived forever.

It's an article, you know, it's nearly 40 years old. article, but still I don't think it's really gotten through. I was unaware of all this. I assumed diamonds were valuable, and I thought them as engagement rings was an older thing than this. But anyway, in the article, which is quite a lengthy one linked in the show notes, obviously, he writes about what he calls the diamond invention, saying that, quote, the creation of the idea that diamonds are rare and valuable and are essential signs of esteem is a relatively recent development in the history of the diamond trade. Until the late 19th century,

diamonds were found only in a few riverbeds in India and in the jungles of Brazil. And the entire world production of gem diamonds amounted to a few pounds a year. I feel like that should make them more valuable. Well, that, I mean, that's when they were genuinely valuable. Oh, okay, right, right, right. I was going to say, I thought that no one gave a shit about them.

There's only like four of them. Who cares? There's only four of them. Well, but at that point, it wasn't, to get engaged, you've got to give a diamond ring because, you know, normal people couldn't do that. Then in 1866, the Eureka diamond, a 21.25-carat rough diamond, was found by the 15-year-old Erasmus Jacobs, the son of a farmer. This became Africa's first authenticated diamond near the Orange River. According to the Debeer's website, Erasmus gave the shiny pebble to his sisters as a plaything. Later, his mother gave it to a neighbour.

The Eureka Diamond is now exhibited at the Kimberley Mine Museum. Wow. Man, you'd love to go back and tell that kid he found, it's not a shiny pebble, you idiot. Erasmus is also incredible. Thank you, yes, Aramis is amazing. It does sound like a myth story. You have like someone with an amazing name,

finding something, not caring about it. Yeah. The website also mentions that in 1869, a nice year, the star of South Africa, an 83.5-carat rough diamond, was discovered by a greaker herdsman. It triggered the first diamond rush. The diamond was sold for 500 sheep, 10 head of cattle and a horse.

It is now in London's Natural History Museum. Isn't that weird that a precious thing found in Africa is in an English museum? It's probably one of the only things I've got though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm sure it was like a gift from Africa, you know? Pilled. Yeah, yeah, Africa were like, here, you take it. You need it.

Yeah, I don't go into that too much, but geez, this is all, the backdrop of all this is a lot of cruelty. According to Epstein, in 1870, huge diamond mines were discovered near the Orange River in South Africa, where diamonds were soon being scooped out by the ton. So I went from not many years before, super rare, only in a couple of places. Now they're just been scooping out diamonds. They're just going, yep, got 15 more. Yeah. Yep, here we go.

He got. They're already like shiny and... Some of them were in rings and earrings and... I think they just stole a woman's jewelry box. I think that's what happened. It goes on. The British financiers who had organised the South African mines quickly realized that their investment was endangered.

Diamonds had little intrinsic value and their price depended almost entirely on their scarcity. The financiers feared that when new mines were developed in South Africa, diamonds would become at best only semi-precious gems. Yuck. Suddenly they look a lot less attractive. So what were they to do? Well, Epstein explains. The major investors in the diamond mines

realized that they had no alternative but to merge their interests into a single entity that would be powerful enough to control production and perpetuate the illusion of scarcity of diamonds. The instrument they created in 1888 was called De Beers' Consolidated Mines Limited, incorporated in South Africa. So this is the cartel they've sort of created. We talked about cartels in previous episodes like the maple syrup cartel, you know,

OPEC's a big oil version of this. But I had no idea that the same happened in the diamond world. I really just think they were valuable. Yeah. I can't say I've thought a lot about diamonds. That's one of those things. Probably if anyone spent any time thinking about it, they'd probably realize. but it's just one of these things that's in the background.

Yeah. You know, I've had friends who've got married. I'm sure they all, nearly all of them, bought a diamond for their partner. Because that's just what you do. And that's just, really, as we'll find out, is just great marketing. The De Beers website puts it in much less conniving terms than that, of course, writing of 1888. Cecil Rhodes and Barney Bonato. Fantastic name.

Get out. I don't mention him again, but what a name. Cecil Rhodes? Cecil Rhodes and Barney Bonato. Barney. Bonado. It's so close to Barney Banana, the old ice cream.

Barney Bonardo. Barney Bonardo. So he doesn't come back. No, I don't talk about him anymore. That's one of the best. Barney Bonato. I think that is one of the great names. Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking.

And Cecil Rhodes, that's a famous dude. Yeah, I'll talk about him more. The Rhodes Scholarship is named after him. Yeah. I'll talk about that in a couple of paragraphs, Dave. Buddy, hold your horses. Sorry, the Bonardo Scholarship. Well, we all want to those.

The Barney Bonato School of Ice Creamery. Does that how many started? Yes. Good on him. So this is from the De Beers website. Cecil Rhodes and Barney Bonato, who had been running two competing diamond operations, decided to join forces and consolidate their companies. De Beers Consolidated Mines Limited was established on the 12th of March.

Cecil Rhodes was named chairman and continued in his role until 1902. So Cecil Rhodes is a figure that looms large over this period in South Africa. According to the BBC, Rhodes was an imperialist, businessman and politician who played a dominant role in southern Africa in the late 19th century, driving the annexation of vast swathes of land. Cool. He was born the son of a vicar in Bishop's Stortford, Hertfordshire in 1853, and dogged by ill health as a child, he first came to Africa where the climate was deemed better for him, age 17. He grew cotton in Natal, but moved into diamond mining, great. gradually outwinning his rivals to become the dominant force in the trade. As well as founding De Beers, both southern Rhodesia, now Zimbabwe and northern Rhodesia, now Zambia,

were named after him. Oh, there you go. I never put that together. That's obviously why the names would change back because it's like a weird thing to exist. And like Dave said, Rhodes Scholarships, which allow overseas students to study at Oxford University, are also named after him. Road scholars include three men who would go on to become Australian Prime Ministers. Any of you want to have a guess?

Tony Abbott. Yes, he's wonderful. Get out. Yep. I thought that was a very funny joke answer. I was like, yeah, I don't know,

he's actually quite educated. Really? The other two, Malcolm, and Malcolm Turnbull. Oh, so that's two very recent ones and Bob Hawke wasn't that long ago either.

No, Bob Hawk, when he was over there on that, that's when he famously set the Guinness World Record for Sculling Beard. Oh, yes. Our Prime Minister.

There's also, maybe the most famous of all road skull as ex-US president, Bill Clinton. Oh, right, okay. According to the BBC, Rhodes detractors see him as a racist and one of the people who helped prepare the way for apartheid

by working to alter laws on voting and land ownership. I think it would be hard to argue against those calling Rhodes a racist. In the same article that they say, Rhodes detractors, like they also, they go on to say in the same article, talking of white people, I contend that we are the first race in the world and the more of the world we inhabit the better it is for the human race.

Oh, strong disagree. As a white person. You can see how detractors would take that out of context. I mean, make him seem like a race. Sure. He's just saying that white people were here first and were better. Completely untrue.

Yeah. It's insane. And the more we spread. ourselves out and take over everything the better we'll all be. No. Famously had this dream of Africa, you being able to get a train from the south to the north without ever leaving British soil. Oh, yuck.

That was his dream and that was one of his life ambitions was to make that happen. Yeah, that sucks. So you just want to get like claim a train tracks width the whole way up. Yeah, he'll do the trick. Yeah, he's like minimum. Yeah, minimum. The train is just covered in the union jack. Yeah.

It's British. Get it. Get it. Yeah, it was a real subtle guy. Unsurprisingly, De Beers distances itself from its founder saying this is from its website. Although Rhodes is part of our early history, he does not represent our company that we are today. While we cannot rewrite history, we can bear the responsibility of history to build a better legacy. And we put tremendous resource and energy behind us every day.

We are very proud of the fact. that Cecil Rhodes would not recognize the debiers of today. According to Encyclopedia.com, Rhodes who died in 1902 never managed to make a successful diamond cartel to corn the world market for the gemstones. So he started up, he was around for the first couple of decades or decade and a half, but then he died in 1902,

and that was when he obviously, he was no longer the chairman after he died. Oh, is that controversial, but, yeah. What? Just because I'm dead. Probably some loophole, it said. Well, so I can't come to the meeting. just because I'm dead.

Oh, great. Oh, all right. Why do you bring the meetings to me? Yeah. I've got a grave. You come to me. Someone carrying my body in the meeting. One of his ambitions was that everywhere from his grave to the afterlife would be British soil.

After Rhodes' death, De Beers continued to successfully mine diamonds. According to their website, 9.05, the Cullinan diamond was discovered at the premier mine at 3,106.75 carats. It's the largest rough diamond ever found. I don't understand how carrots work either. Don't ask. Yeah. But is it a big diamond or just like a very good diamond? I think it's size.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's size. Okay. I did read that. You got the four seas. Yes. Are you going to go into them? No. What do you remember?

What do you remember? Clarity, cut, colour and... Who does I say carrot yet? Carrot, clarity, cut and... Color, you just said before. Color. Can you say that? them all four of them because I'm confused myself.

The fourth sees a typo. You said clarity, colour, cut, carrot. Carrot, yes. And we could be wrong. I mean, their marketing is so good. We cannot remember it. So the cullen and diamond was cut into nine gems. The two biggest were presented to King Edward the seventh in 1908

and now form part of the British crown jewels. Oh, wow. So glad to hear that Britain's got another. piece of the African priceless minerals. Okay, fine, so they've got two, but that's it. Yeah, we're drawing a line now. And it was for the queen. Well, the king. The king.

It was for the king. Yeah. And he needed a bit of razzle-dazzle. While all this was going on, the man who would go on to change the diamond game forever was working his way up, the industry. This is from encyclopedia.com. Ernest Oppenheimer, another fantastic house, was born on May 22nd,

1880. in Friedberg, Hesse, a state in central Germany. Am I saying that right, Dave? H-E-E-W-S-E. Not sure. Yeah, Hesse. Stop turning you back on your heritage, man. His family was Jewish, and his cigar maker father, Edward,

encouraged Oppenheimer and his brothers to leave Germany and its anti-Semitic tendencies in order to make their fortunes elsewhere. How's that? That's in the late 1800s. Wow. So, I mean, his old man was, I didn't realize that the anti-Semitism. Semitism went back that far. Yeah.

In my mind, like it arrived with Hitler. Yeah. But yeah, that's just shows my ignorance. So even Hitler was an original. He was a hack. God, he's such a basic bitch. He was also a hack.

He's a hack and a basic bitch. Honestly, why do we even talk about him? He's fucking, he's nothing. He's nothing. Yuck. And you know what? Nobody names their kids Adolf anymore. No.

And it's a beautiful. name that he ruined. He ruined that name. Nearly no one does the mustache either. No one. And that's a good look. Yeah, it's a strong look. And no one can do it anymore. He stole a great name and a great look. What? What a bit. There's even a stronger word that I want to use to describe him. What? He's a bit of a wobbly pun. So in 1896, when Oppenheimer was 16, he joined his older brother Lewis at the London firm of Anton Dukle Booler, a diamond merchant with business interests in South Africa. He first worked in London offices sorting operations, separating the more flawed stones from the ideal ones, and his talents gained the attention of Dunkles Bula himself.

After Oppenheimer became a naturalised British citizen in November of 2001, he sailed to South Africa to take over the firm's office in Kimberley, the site of the largest diamond mine, or a large diamond mind. just upgraded. It's the biggest one. Biggest one. Don't look it up. Epstein said of Oppenheimer, he was in many ways the prototype of the multinational businessman,

German by birth, British by naturalization, Jewish by religion, and South African by residents. As World War I broke, Oppenheimer split his time between Britain and South Africa, sailing between the two. On one of these trips, his ship was torpedoed by a German U-boat, meaning he had to abandon ship to a lifeboat. and was rescued by a British destroyer. This is a little side note there.

During the war, though, Oppenheimer was able to make some shrewd business manoeuvres, and they led him to setting up the consolidated diamond mines of South West Africa. And in 1917, he founded the Anglo-American Corporation to develop gold mining in South Africa. According to encyclopedia.com, the leverage he now held forced the Debears company into a bargaining position with him. In exchange for the Namibian properties, he asked De Beers for a share of stock and a seat on the board and its cornered directors were forced to acquiesce. Oh, great word acquiesce.

Love that word. Once the war was over, England's King George V knighted Oppenheimer for his wartime service, and according to the De Beers website, he is elected to the Debears board after Anglo-American, the company he founded, becomes a major Debeers shareholder. Huh. It must be pretty young to get that knighthood, too. Yeah. I'm just sort of, what was the other king that I think?

said they presented the King Edward the 7th, right? So obviously there was the chain. I'm not so good on. Because we've had one queen forever. Fantastic. Then there was before that. Hang on. What's that day?

It's fantastic. You don't have to remember anything. It's great. She'll live forever. I wish we could just have one prime minister. Oh my God. People say that they don't want a dictator. But honestly, it would be so much easier for history class.

It was just the same person all the time. That would be good. But yeah, you're right. We've had the queen for so long. We. Yeah, so it just tripped me up. I'm like, wait, have I given him the wrong number? But it was Edward the 7th.

Now, it's George the 5th. Then Edward the 8th really quickly. Right. No, the other way around. George is the 5th, Edward the 8th, then George 6th. Yes. Edward. Right.

Right? I can't remember. Because then George was... He married the American. Yeah. George was... George is the Queen's. And then they were going to have Edward the 8th.

But then after he had... abdicated so then George was six, the Queen's dad. The Queen's dad. I'd love to do an episode one day that just is like a short guide to all of them. From the beginning to the end, we just go through all the monarchs of England. You reckon you'd be able to get it through that in an hour and a half a set? That'd be like a four episode special. Yeah.

We could do it. Coming this block tober. Interesting. History of the... Shock I'm not. British monarchs. Debears started taking control of the world diamond trade, according to Epstein, at its height, and not only either directly owned or controlled the diamond mines in southern Africa,

but also owned diamond trading companies in England, Portugal, Israel, Belgium, Holland and Switzerland. So is he a, like, billionaire? Yes, I would assume so, yeah. They're doing pretty well. Debears proved to be... Like, he doesn't have to think about adding avocado. No, he'd say yeah. He'd say, yeah, absolutely.

Yeah. Glock for all. I don't even think they'd offer, they'd just assume. Yeah, right, okay. Wow, that wealthy. He walks into a restaurant, they'd bring him one of everything. Yeah. Just in case.

And he can afford it. He doesn't add things on. He goes, I'll have everything minus. He's telling everything, but I don't want this, this and this. Yeah. Love that. Just that's quicker. What a ball a move.

It's also very wasteful. Oh, yeah. It's weird when rich people are wasteful. You're like, huh, I would have thought they'd care about stuff and the, you know, the greater good of humanity. It is weird. When billionaires waste stuff. Damn right. De Beers.

Epstein goes on, De Beers proved to be the most successful cartel arrangement in the annals of modern commerce. While other commodities such as gold, silver, copper, rubber and grains fluctuated wildly in response to economic conditions. Rubber's the shittest one, isn't it? Diamonds have continued with very few exceptions to advance upward in price every year since the Depression. So so far we've talked about how Debeers was able to basically control. the supply of diamonds, but probably here's where it gets a little more interesting. This is how they started to be able to manipulate demand as well. According to Epstein, in Europe where diamond prices had collapsed during the Depression,

there seemed little possibility of restoring public confidence in diamonds. In Germany, Austria, Italy and Spain, the notion of giving a diamond ring to commemorate an engagement had never taken hold. In England and France, diamonds were still presumed to be jewels for aristocrats rather than the masses. Furthermore, Europe was on the verge of war, and there seemed little. possibility of expanding diamond sales. This left the United States as the only real market for Debeers Diamonds. In fact, in 1938, some three quarters of all the cartels diamonds were sold

for engagement rings in the United States. Most of these stones, however, were smaller and of poorer quality than those bought in Europe and had an average price of $80 a piece. So before this, would they, I'm trying to think of like old and day movies and I'm trying to picture them wearing wedding rings. Did they give engagement rings at all? Well, I mentioned it somewhere coming up, but apparently rings were a thing, but only about 10% were diamond rings. Yeah, right, okay.

In America at that point. Less and non-existent in other countries. Oppenheimer and the bankers believe that an advertising campaign could persuade Americans to buy more expensive diamonds. And they were right. So in September of 1938, Ernest Sun, 29-year-old Harry Oppenheimer, headed to New York City to meet with a leading ad agency, NW A-A-R, or I. The price or air, A-Y-E-R, air. The price of diamonds had dropped around the world, and N-W-A-R and its president, Gerald M. Lake.

Like. L-A-U-C-K, L-L-A-U-C-K. I like like Loutke as nice as that Lake He'd been recommended to Oppenheimer by the Morgan Bank who would work with his father

Ernest to consolidate the De Beers Empire At the meeting it was agreed that if NWI could come up with the marketing proposal approved by Ernest they would get an exclusive deal to place newspaper and radio ads for Debeers in the United States This would be a huge contract for them to win

To prepare for the pitch Lalk needed to undertake extensive research, which Oppenheimer agreed to fund. NWI's research found that, maybe I should just call it NWA, because I'm struggling with the AIA. I love that. NWA, that doesn't stand for anything else. So that should be fine.

There's no other. NWA. It won't be confusing. So is Ice Cube involved now? NWIAs research found that since the end of World War I, there'd been a sharp decline in diamond sales in America. So I was already pretty low and it declined further. Funnily enough, around the time of the war and the Great Depression.

That's interesting. So people weren't buying up big. It's funny. And it's almost like this diamond cartel doesn't have people's best interests in heart. Hey, you know, you're battling right now. But what do you have to do buy a diamond? I know you can't afford food, but maybe you could save up for a diamond. Was that the original slogan?

Yeah. That'd be pretty good. I mean, you know, no bad ideas. We're just spitball. We're spitball. It was basically saying, do you actually love them? Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize you hated your wife. I thought it was real love.

If it isn't, then. Oh, no, by all means, buy bread. Yeah, just pay for rent and food. Oh, my God. If you hate her, I guess, sure. I mean, I think she deserves better. I don't think she'd like a bread ring. Oh, yuck.

Oh, yummy. Is that a possibility? You'd have, you'd eat it all and then it'd be gone. That's just a bagel, isn't it? And I'm in. An NWAA memo from the time concluded that the state of the diamond market was, quote, the result of the economy, changes in social attitudes, and the promotion of competitive luxuries. Competitive luxuries is fun.

Epstein writes that while they couldn't do much about the state of the economy, NWAA suggested that through a well-orchestrated advertising and public relations campaign, it could have a significant impact on the social attitudes of the public at large and thereby channel American spending towards larger and more expensive diamonds instead of these competitive luxuries. Is that bread? Yeah, competitive luxuries, heat. Oh, come on.

Fire. Oh, laity-di-da. Running the heater. Boles of mush. Specifically, the NWAS study stressed the need to strengthen the association in the public's mind of diamonds with romance. Since, quote, young men by over 90% of all engagement rings, it would be crucial to inculcate them in the

idea that diamonds were a gift of love. The larger and fine of the diamond, the greater the expression of love. Similarly, young women had to be encouraged to view diamonds as an integral part of any romantic courtship. This is so evil and so genius. Yeah. Yeah. Knowing how successful it will be. Because I've never thought about it, but it's absolutely worked. Just a little team of creatives came up with this idea. And it just changed. It's wild. According to the BBC, prior to the 1930s, presenting a woman with a diamond engagement ring was not the norm.

Even on the eve of World War II, a mere 10% of engagement rings contained diamonds. Okay, so there were engagement rings. They just weren't what we picture them to be now. But 10% you're in the minority. You'd open up the diamond and go, oh, diamond. All right. Okay. Suppose we get married.

Yeah, I guess. Yes. Is there like, do you have a return policy? Does this come with a receipt? Yeah. Committed to this one, are you? I'd really prefer just a plain band like all my friends have. A bread ring, please.

A bagel, please. I'm very hungry. According to the New York Times, NWA conducted extensive surveys of consumer attitudes and found that most Americans thought diamonds were a luxury for the ultra wealthy. Women wanted their men to spend money on a washing machine or a new car, anything but an engagement ring.

Fuck, I'd take either of those, actually. Can't fit it on a ring, though. Trying to drag a washing machine around. Who's got a lot of whites? It was considered just absolutely money down the drain. It is. Which, I mean, they were riding considering that, I guess. They placed a series of magazine ads featuring reproductions of famous paintings

by such artists as Picasso and Dali to confirm. the idea that diamonds like paintings were unique works of art. I think they might have even got, maybe Dali did an original one, but some were original and some were just reproductions of famous paintings. According to NWA, a new type of art was devised and a new colour. Diamond blue was created and used in these campaigns. Diamond blue is its own colour. Yeah.

So you know that colour, we all know Diamond Blue. They came up with that. Yes, we all know Diamond Blue. Do we not? Yeah, yeah. The relatively new medium of film was also utilized, like you were talking about before. Movie stars were given diamonds. They got the press to report stories that stressed the size of diamonds celebrities gave their loved ones.

They also got fashion designers to talk up the trend towards diamonds. So they were doing product placement in a big way. And it sounds like they were, you know, they were at least early adopters, but maybe even helped introduce the idea of the big of the stars. They go, here's a big diamond to wear on the red carpet. They do that, which is now a big part of every red carpet thing. Yep. Which is fun.

It is fun. Isn't it fun? I love it. Who are you wearing? To be years. According to Epstein, the Aya Plan also envisaged using the British royal family to help foster the romantic allure of diamonds. An IA memo at the time said, Since Great Britain has such an important interest in the diamond industry,

the royal couple could be of tremendous assistance to the British industry. wearing diamonds rather than other jewels. Queen Elizabeth later went on a well-publicized trip to several South African diamond mines, and she accepted a diamond from Oppenheimer. So even she was in the product placement biz. Far out. The strategies quickly bore fruit, and by 1941, NWI was able to report to De Beers

that the sale of diamonds had increased by 55% in the United States since 1938. So three years later. 55%? Yeah. far out. We're now into war times. I mean, I don't think America's quite joined the war yet, but which I think is part of the reason why they were looking at America

rather than other places like in Europe and whatnot. Right. Because basically the rest of the world was at war. These Americans living it up with their diamonds. According to NW. I think I've said it differently every time, but that's okay. People have come to expect that sort of variety and creativity. creativity from me. According to NWAI, this campaign had required the concept,

the campaign had required the conception of a new form of advertising. This is them talking about their own creation, the conception of a new form of advertising, which has been widely imitated ever since. There was no direct sale to be made. There was no brand name to be impressed on the public mind. There was simply an idea, the eternal emotional value surrounding the diamond. You see, you do see it now, like industries will, you see milk ads now rather than ads for Yeah, like buy it, avocados.

Yeah. It's not one brand. Yeah. Get some pork on your fork. Yeah. Is that like the, like the meat board I've just paid for that. Yeah. But I think part of the reason, I haven't got this written down, but I read somewhere that

part of the reason for this was they weren't allowed to, because of a conflict of interest or something, they weren't able to directly market it as themselves. early because they owned too much of a share of the business or something like that. But anyway, they got around it pretty well. Very well. Because it just meant, I mean, if people wanted diamonds, they were buying to be as diamonds because they had a monopoly. Yeah, if you have the monopoly, you don't have to say the brand name.

You just say the product. And then people go, well, I'm not being sold to by a marketing firm here. It's just the diamond itself. Yeah. I mean, how could that be wrong? Yeah. Why would the diamond lie to me? But I've seen a lot of older ads that do say to beers at the bottom as well, so I'm not 100% sure about that.

But basically it's the, it's just that's a little detail at the bottom. The main ad is buy diamonds. Diamonds are love. Don't you love? You're a robot. Yeah. You're a robot. This ad isn't for you.

Do you not feel? Not only were they successful at intrinsically linking engagement rings and diamonds, they were even able to encourage their buyers to spend much more than they had previously. the bigger the diamond you see the bigger the love the bigger the commitment and according to the BBC in the 1930s at the start of the debaers campaign a single month salary was the suggested ring spend yes they invented that you still hear that yeah which is fucked that's a lot of money that's so much money oh just a 12th of your yearly income yeah and is that before tax or after tax well they don't specify that in the ads but there are there's a heap of different I think I

mention a few of them a bit later when they up it to two months. They just arbitrarily decades later they go, they start saying their ads, two months salary. You know what I'm talking about. That stresses me out too, because I have stuff that I was given for my 21st, nine years ago that I loved at the time. And now I'm like, you taste changes. So if you spend two months of your salary on a ring, well, you're stuck with that, aren't you? Well, that's two months back then.

They've now up to 48 years salary. So more than a normal of working life. So they'd already increase the percentage of sales. They've got people to buy more expensive ones. But they were by no means finished. They wanted to further strengthen the link between diamonds and engagement. This next chunk again comes from Epstein's article. In its 1947 strategy plan, the advertising agency strongly emphasized a psychological approach.

We are dealing with a problem in mass psychology. We seek to strengthen the tradition of the diamond engagement ring to make it a psychological necessity capable of competing successfully at the retail level with utility goods and services. You don't, why are you competing with, anyway. Hang on, there was a line in there about the tradition or something or the, we want to strengthen the... Strengthen the tradition of the diamond engagement ring.

Yeah, which they made up. Yeah, they're made up. So it's not really a tradition so much, is it? They're building on the tradition they started. Wow. That's a quote from an NWIA memo that they wrote to DeBi. That's all in their own words. It defined as its target audience some 70 million people 15 years and over whose opinion we hope to influence in support of our objectives.

So you get them when they're 15 so that by the time that they're, you know, looking to wed. At 16. It's already in there. We've had a good 12 months on them. Yeah. That's how you get them. And I hope they've saved a month of that salary over the last year. Well, NWAA outlined a subtle program that included arranging for lecturers to visit high schools across the country.

This is a quote from NWIA again. All of these lectures revolve around the diamond engagement ring. You know, important stuff for school kids to learn about. And are reaching thousands of girls in their assemblies, classes and informal meetings in our leading educational institutions. The agency explained in a memo to De Beers. The agency had organized in 1946 a weekly service called Hollywood. personalities, which provided 125 leading newspapers with descriptions of the diamonds worn by movie stars. And it continued its efforts to encourage news coverage of celebrities displaying

diamond rings as symbols of romantic involvement. In 1947, the agency commissioned a series of portraits of engaged socialites. The idea was to create prestigious role models for the poorer middle-class wage earners. The advertising agency explained in its 1948 strategy paper, We spread the word of diamonds worn by stars of screen and stage, by wives and daughters of political leaders, by any woman who can make the grocer's wife and the mechanic's sweetheart say, I wish I had what she has. Oh, you suck so much. It's so evil. That's awful. I'd never thought about this.

Yeah. I mean, it just feels like they invented modern marketing, but, yeah, it's just wild that they got in so, like it feels like you wouldn't get away with doing it now. probably would. I mean, that happened with iPhones and stuff, didn't it? Yeah. You have to have to have a tablet. Yep. This isn't mine. I didn't, I'm not a sucker holding Jess's tablet. I'm a sucker. I've got a desktop, laptop, iPad. If you're inferring that, fine, but that's not what I was meaning at all. It was around this time that Francis Garrity, a copywriter at NWA as came up with a caption for one of their magazine ads. You know the classic one? Get a diamond off.

Diamonds are a girl's best friend. A diamond is forever. Diamonds are forever. Great song. In the ad, the words are written below a picture of two young newlyweds on their honeymoon. Garrity later recalled the night she came up with the iconic line, saying, as written in the New York Times, she had just finished a series of ads and was headed to bed

when she realized that she had forgotten to create a signature line. Exhausted, she said, dear God, send me a line. And scribbled something on a slip of paper. When she woke up and saw what she had written, she thought it was just okay. A few hours later, she presented her idea at a meeting. And according to her, nobody jumped. Within a year, a diamond is forever became the official motto of De Beers. And that came from God.

That came from God. So you know it's okay. Diamonds have gods back in. So I'm changing my tune now. Isn't it, well, you know, like I've had so many times I've been half asleep and I'm like, oh, I did for a joke or something. I'll write it in my phone. It's always trash.

And the next day, go, oh, fuck. was that? Yeah. It makes no sense. It's never been a diamond is forever. Damn it. But give it a year or so and it might be your official slogan. Yes.

And also, but I have never asked God to please send me a line. That's what you've got to do first. I'll do that next time. Epstein argues that the slogan is a little misleading saying even though diamonds can in fact be shattered, chip, discolored or incinerated to ash. The concept of eternity perfectly captured the magical qualities that the advertising agency wanted to attribute to diamonds. I mean, but we said at the start that they are the hardest naturally occurring substance.

So, you know, it makes some sense, but yeah, they're not unbreakable. Diamond is forever is better than a diamond is the most, this is the hardest naturally occurring substance. That is not quite as romantic. Honey, that's so romantic. Oh my God, I want that on my finger for the next 45 years. Like our love. It's the hardest naturally occurring substances.

Black money. Gerty worked on De Beers' ads for a quarter of a century. So she worked for NWA, I bet she was assigned to, apparently back then, women copywriters that ad agencies were assigned to women products. So she got, she was assigned, she was one of two. Pantyhoes, diamonds, hair products. Yes. And she got diamonds and she did it for a quarter of a century.

And you get the idea that she was just paid like a small wage. She never really profited, like... I'd rather be on diamonds than pantyhose or, you know, like, pads. Pads are forever. We don't... Cricket pads? In brackets, do not use this pad forever. Cannot stress them.

Honestly, you have to change. That would be a bad business plan for them. Pads forever. Yeah, buy one and done. You got it. You got this. It's not good. Don't do that.

That's not true. I could. think of any other women products. Lipstick, I guess. That's boring. What about a doctor's stethoscope, Jess? Women can be doctors too. Sorry, as the feminist of the pot, I really felt like I needed to say something.

Thank you. Thank you for speaking up. So I lent in. Yeah. And I spoke over you. Thank you. Speaking over a woman about women issues. Was that too hard?

So she worked there for a quarter of a century. Not all of her lines have been as iconic. Here's another part as documented by the Times. It's just the Times wrote, some of her early copy bought it on the heavy-handed. Here's one of her ads from War Times. It says Star of Hope. The engagement diamond on her finger is bright as a tear,

but not with sadness. Like her eyes, it holds a promise of cool dawns together, of life grown rich and full and tranquil. It's lovely assurance shine. through all the hours of Quagin. Is this a fucking tagline? To kindle with joy and precious meaning at the beginning of their new life to be. I hate that.

Someone's got to start praying more for that. That was terrible. I think you need to consult with God a little more before you submit this bullshit. God needs a copy editor. God. I loved it so much. It's as bright as a tear. But not a sad one.

Happy tears. In 1951, NWA wrote in its annual strategy review, The millions of brides and brides to be are subjected to at least two important pressures that work against the diamond engagement ring. Among the more prosperous, there is the sophisticated urge to be different as a means of being smart. The lower income groups would like to show more of the money than they can find in the diamond they can afford. It's like, oh, so some people are showing logic. How do we overcome that? So to combat that, they wrote, it is essential that these pressures be met with the constant publicity to show that only the diamond is everywhere except

and recognises a symbol of betrothal. See, to be like, Ruby, yuck. Oh, a sapphire engagement ring. What are you, Paul? Because that's what you're saying to the world, that's your poor. And you're telling your wife that she's an ugly bitch and you hate her. But yeah, okay. Yeah, sure.

Hey, many, many blessings to you guys, I guess. That's fine, yeah. They're like so full on and then also then they back off like, oh, yeah, reverse psychology, I guess. If you're a loser. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, that's unusual. Yeah, enjoy not having to manually wash your clothes anymore. Loser. Oh, yeah, enjoy being able to get places in your car. Oh, yeah? Paying for petrol, huh? Luser! Sorry, I've got allergies.

So they knew that in their mind was, we've just got to bombard them. But it's saying, Oy, idiot. Love equals diamond. There's no other way to do it. I think you've just coined the best slogan yet. Love equals diamond. In brackets, you're an idiot.

Don't be an idiot. Don't be dumb. Diamond equals love. So this is exactly what they did. In the four decades from 1939, they grew their advertising budget from $200,000 a year to $10 million a year. Oh my God. Okay.

As with a film decades before, they were able to utilize the invention and growing popularity of television from the late 40s by organising actresses and other stars to wear diamonds when they were on screen as well. According to Webstein, they also established the Diamond Information Center that placed a stamp of quasi-authority on the flood of historical and news it released. We work hard to keep ourselves known throughout the publishing world as the source of information on diamonds. NWIA commented in a memo to De Beers. So they, you know, they just set up a thing saying, and they, I mean, that happens all the time now.

We're a think tank. You know, our name makes it sound like we're independent, but we're just basically doing more marketing. But this is now legit news, though. This isn't an ad. This is a press release from a legit. Well, it's from the Diamond Information Center, you know. If you want information, you come to us. From the DIC.

Yeah. dick you come to the dick yeah without the K you have to say it differently Dick well it was a production car I can't remember what

there was some 80s or 90s at the end at the end of Dick Dick I don't know what show is that was on oh I'm thinking of and maybe if anybody's

watching and listening and can remember there was an ad that used to play on commercial radio all the time and it was just a man's very deep voice

talking about diamonds and they had like two branches in the Melbourne CBD and it was just the weirdest ad that played all the time and now I cannot remember the name of the place. The one I'm thinking of and I don't know if it would be the same. Was it what kind of right? The one I hear a lot on sports radio is the diamond guys

or something like diamond blokes basically. And they go, hey, you don't want to worry too much about it. But you know you've got to get one. Come in, have a beer. We'll pick the right diamond for you. And it plays all the time. We know you don't give a shit about this stuff because you're a bloke. But we know the missile will be pretty pissed if you get it wrong.

I might be turning it up or something. We'll also cut your hair. Yeah, but like a good cut. Well, you're one-stop sharp. Yeah, it's a... I hate that. I'm not saying, that's not verbatim. I'm paraphrasing a little bit, but that's the vibe.

Yeah, yeah. No, that wasn't quite it. This one sounded a bit luxurious and it was just an incredibly deep voice. It was a boring ass. Oh, hello. Yeah, it was like, good diamonds. Hello. No, you'd be interesting, though.

He was boring. He sounded robotic. Oh, Dave. Oh, come and buy a diamond from me. See, I'm going with that shop. Was that good? Boy. Come and buy a diamond from me.

Meady, actually. 184 Burke Street. I'll see you tomorrow. Be more like dick. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll be in about 10. Love you, my boys. Is that you book your appointment?

The next day, 26 blokes turn up at 10 a.m. Oh, this doesn't work. I'll see you tomorrow. It's like, is he only open tomorrow? So many questions. The mystery, I must find out. It's actually, it's a good ad. You're talking about it years later.

How many diamonds have you bought? since you heard that ad. Oh, only one a day since... I mean, round it off, or round it off, ran it down. Yeah, a million dollars worth easily. So what's that two? Two diamonds. Unless you're poor.

You're poor? No, a million dollars is a month's wage for me. NWAs now began thinking of exploiting the marketplace as vanity. So, I mean, they'd exported all sorts of other things. They sort of created a bit of the vanity too and then thought, Let's exploit that more. Yes. Suggesting the substantial diamond gift can be made a more widely sought symbol of personal and family success,

an expression of socioeconomic achievement. He's like, what are you guys doing okay? You haven't even got a diamond on a finger yet. Your infant isn't wearing diamonds. Are you poor? With this in mind, they committed to, quote, promote the diamond as one material object which can reflect in a very personal way a man's success in life. writing that these ads should have the aroma of tweed, old leather and polished wood,

which is characteristic of a good club. Wow. Diamonds go with those things too. Tweed jacket and my diamonds. Here we go. I'm ready. I'm ready for a party. By the end of the 1950s, NWA has noted that since 1939,

an entirely new generation of young people has grown to marriageable age. Yep. To this new generation. That's how it works. Diamond ring is considered a necessity to engagements by virtually everyone. So in one generation, they'd fully created the idea that if you get engaged, you buy them a diamond. Wild. As Epstein noted, the message had been so successfully impressed on the minds of this generation

that those who could not afford to buy a diamond at the time of their marriage would defer the purchase rather than forgo it. I can't afford it, so I'll... So I'll save up and we'll get married two years after we probably would have liked. to. Because you have to, you can't get married without a dime. You can't get engaged without a dime. Yeah. I mean, that's like a legal requirement.

Right? Yeah. Oh, I assume so. Really, I think it's still there today. I'm sure, I haven't asked anyone who my mates to go married, but I'm probably didn't pay enough attention. But I'm pretty sure most of them bought diamond engagement. Yeah, for sure.

Having conquered America, De Beers looked to other markets, tried in a few with out too much success. But Japan was one where they had great success. As NWA were primarily an American agency, DeBiers engaged the J. Walter Thompson agency to work in some of these overseas markets. According to Epstein, until the mid-1960s, Japanese parents arranged marriages for their children through trusted intermediaries. The ceremony was consummated according to Shinto law by the bride and groom drinking rice wine from the same wooden bowl. There was no tradition of romance, courtship, seduction or prenuptial love in Japan, and none that required the gift of a diamond engagement ring. So the J. Walter Thompson Agency went about changing this. Oh my God.

With the big ad campaign. So you didn't get him to change an entire culture. Yeah, yeah. Epstein writes that the campaign was remarkably successful. Until 1959, the importation of diamonds had not even been permitted by the post-war Japanese government. When the campaign began in 1967, not quite 5% of engaged Japanese women received a diamond engagement ring. By 1972, the proportion had risen to 27%. By 1978, half of all Japanese women who were married wore a diamond, and by 1981, 60% of

Japanese brides wore diamonds. Wow. In a mere 14 years, the 1,500-year Japanese tradition had been radically revised. Diamonds became a staple of the Japanese marriage. Japan became the second largest market after the United States for the sale of diamond engagement rings. 14 years. This is making me hate diamonds.

Yeah, me too, a bit. And I used to love them. Yeah, I used to just have posters on my... wall of diamonds. Yeah, it's really embarrassing. I've got a lot of things to throw out now. Yeah, yeah. In the bin. Into the bin. The lock screen on my phone, it's just a big diamond. Not anymore. As a kid, one poster of Michael Jordan, one poster of Michael J. Fox,

one poster of Diamond. I love Diamond. I love Diamond. I just, I had four diamond posters. Oh, you were really not. I was like one of those kids, you know. They created a billion dollar a year diamond market in Japan where matrimonial custom had survived feudal revolutions, world wars, industrialization, and even the American occupation. I guess that that might have been where that small amount of diamond rings came from. The American soldiers were there getting married, maybe. That built up a small, but it never really broke through. And then they just bust it wide open. Wow. I think I mentioned later, I'll mention

it later. In the 1960s, in the 1960s, diamond mines were found in Siberia. And knowing that competing with the Soviets would lead to lower prices and sort of screw up the their whole cartel thing. De Beers brought the Soviets into their cartel. They made a deal with them. One problem with the Siberian diamonds was they were much smaller in size and there was no real demand for them. A couple of problems.

They're tiny and no one likes it. So what do we do? The problem is they are microscopy. Also, we've asked around, everyone says, no thanks. So what do we do? Okay, what else is tiny? Diamond rings for rats. Okay.

They wanted to. They could do it. They could do it. I think little rats getting married. They've got to, hey, why don't they chained? Before that, rats were rarely monogamous. For several million years, rats' tradition had survived. But no more.

Within seven years, 80% of rats were wearing diamond rings. Yeah. And they were happier. I'm happier. So, I mean, it's not quite that, but it's not miles away. They're like, all right, we'll figure something out. Debears told NWA to backtrack on their biggest, their bigger is better inference that they've done the whole time so far. Oh, okay.

The bigger the diamond, the bigger the love. Now they're like, small's fine. Yeah, exactly. So they were to no longer lead women to equate the status and emotional commitment of an engagement with the size of the diamond, basically going, Oh no, size doesn't matter. It's all about the cut, the colour. The clarity. Not necessarily the carrot.

That's what makes it so sparkly. According to Epstein, De Beers then devised the eternity ring made up of as many as 25 tiny Soviet diamonds, which could be sold to an entirely new market of older married women. The advertising campaign was based on the theme of recaptured love. So they just started this new thing. Oh, you've been married a while and you still just got that one old engagement ring. If you really want to show that your love is forever, you'll get a nut.

I mean, that was forever. Yeah. Sure, but I mean, what's double forever? Yeah. Eternity ring. Eternity ring. It's just a math's equation. Yeah.

Two times forever equals eternity ring. Basic maths. Do you love each other or not? I'm sorry. I'm saying it's either eternity ring or divorce. Yeah. She will leave you. And so she should.

And so she should, unless you give her an eternity ring. The campaign was a big success. In 1939, the average diamond sold was one carrot, and this dropped to 0.28 of a carrot in 1976. Coincidentally, almost the exact size of the average Siberian diamond de beers was fogging. They just changed marketing, and it just changed how people, oh, we've got to get these little diamonds now. And then they were like, well, they were too successful and the bigger diamonds. So they did like, oh, we need a new campaign saying, well, big is actually better after all. Yeah.

So they were able to sort of just do what they needed. Oh, we've got too much stock of these. Let's focus on those in the marketing. Yeah, they'd sort of use these strategies over and over. They also rode the changing social attitudes as Deanne Torbett Dunning and W.I. is vice president on the creative side during the late 60s, which coincided with what she called,

a full-blown women's movement. Which is a fun phrase. Which is what I'm trying to get going as well. I want a full-blown women's mood. What does that look like? Stop holding back. So she was in charge during that period. She talked to the New York Times in 2013, recalling,

there was an anti-establishment feeling. Whatever my mother had, I don't want. So the ads shifted to a more everyday casual approach. They said, yes, you can get married barefoot on the beach, but don't you still want a beautiful ring? Oh, my God. Hey, yeah, definitely. Totally.

Women's rights, hey. Yes. Women are equal and you're awesome and you don't need a man, but you do need a ring. Yeah. You still need a ring. You still need a ring. Yeah. And you probably do still need a man actually.

And a man to get you that ring. Yes. By the 1980s, NWA has introduced a series of ads uping the arbitrary recommended spend on an engagement ring with the ad copy rhetorically asking, isn't two months salary a small price to pay for something that lasts forever? A BBC article listed another couple of. their ads pushing for the two months of salary ideas. There was lots of these ads.

I mean, their ad budget's so big. Wow. There were heaps of variations on this. A couple of the other ones, the BBC listed. One featured a pouting woman, a scarf, a finger, a diamond ring in the words, two months salary showed the future, Mrs Smith, what the future would be like. It was like sadly putting it in.

You'll be struggling because I've spent all our money on this ring. Well, this was misleading. I thought my husband would spend two months salary on everything. Yeah, all six things. This bread only costs 10 six. What the hell? I want an expensive bread. Or a pool full of bread.

Ooh. Yeah. Bread pool. Another did away with the woman, the pout and the finger, leaving only a diamond ring against a black background. And the question, how can you make two months salary last forever? Gambling.

Yes. Put it all on red. Many times. Yes. And win. Yeah. Many times. You know what is one of the red.

Red suits. What? Diamond. What's the other one? It goes all the way to the top. Heart. Heart. Love.

Heart plus diamond equals. Forever. Internity ring. Get a dirty ring. Get a dirty ring. It was a much more hard, full-on campaign for the rats. Yeah. Wear a ring, you dirty rat.

You want to be a good rat? You'll wear a red. You wear a dirty rat. Making the dark. and ring an essential part of getting married and dictating how much a man should pay, make it one of the most successful bits of marketing ever undertaken, says Dr. T.C. Mellewa, Professor of Marketing Strategy at Middlesex University, saying, they invented a tradition which captured some latent desire to mark this celebration of love, he says.

Once the tradition had been created, they could put a price on it, such as a month or two's salary. And men, says Mellowair, would pay whatever was expected because it was a highly emotive purchase. Totally worked. I've heard, I knew this is a rule of thumb. Yeah. Two months out, I never thought, I mean, whose vested interest would have come up with this? I never even thought about it.

I was like, this is just what's done. Yeah, I'm sure the men just talks amongst themselves and worked it out. This is what's fair. I mean, do you love her? Do you? Come in, have a beer. Do you love her? We'll help you find the right thing, man.

The idea of having given her a beer is I was like, oh, yeah, this is a great, relaxed environment. Well, they'll sort of lower my inhibition. and then sell me a real expensive thing. That beer costs $6,000. I didn't even have a girlfriend. I was just lonely. I just wanted a beer. All the pubs were closed.

According to Ira Weissman writing for the Huffington Post, spending a month or two salary on something so impractical, at the exact same time, you were beginning your new life together as a budding family, is a very poor financial decision. I'm not only a very experienced diamond dealer. I'm also a father of six married for 13 years. The expenses only grow with time.

They don't get easier. Believe me, five years later, you'll be wishing you had a spare five grand lying around. Damn right. He wrote this sort of listicle for the Huffington Post, and at the end he goes, let's get this viral. Let's spread the word. Let's get this viral.

Love that, yeah. A bit needy, I right. Let it happen. Don't ask for it. It's written by a true dad. He doesn't really know what it means. Let's get this viral. I didn't even read.

Father of six. Quick question. Do you know what's called on it? Well, he bought a great ring and, you know. Yeah. But he works in the diamond industry as well and has his whole life, I think, basically. And now he sort of dedicated it to sort of debunking the diamond myth. Their ad campaigns are seen as some of the most successful of all time.

But they didn't always work. In the 1980s, they tried a campaign to get women to buy diamonds for men. Makes sense. It would have doubled their potential market. But it seems this one failed. One magazine ad is headlined, She has a mind of her own.

She gave me a diamond. Then says in the body, last year, she took me to a great little restaurant for my birthday. On an island I'd never even heard of. What? Very relatable stuff early. This year, she gave me something even more unexpected.

A diamond. A man. Man's diamond. It finished with the catchy slogan, Diamonds, from a woman to a man. I love that so much. I can't believe it didn't work. I think I'd prefer to go to an island I've never heard of for dinner.

That's amazing. Well, that's pretty surprising. But the next year, a man's diamond. What makes it a man's diamond do you think? Chunkier. I guess she just gave them. Like watches. It came in a black box.

Yeah. I bought some soap. recently it was for men and it was black. Black soap. Man soap. I thought it was funny. But imagine if it'd be like pink or something. You couldn't use it.

No. I was sick of using pink soap. That's lady soap. I need black soap. That's why I never drink strawberry big ems. Yeah. I only drink black big em. Black milk.

Black milk is all I drink. Are you drinking oil? Oil? Yeah. Man milk. Yeah, if you can get an engine going. Hey, Dave, here's something you might not know. Milk comes from a woman cow.

But oil. Do you drink woman cow milk, Dave? Oil comes from a man. Engine. Man engine. It comes from my man's engine. Monster truck. I only drink monster truck oil.

As long as it's marketed in a black bottle. Part of the, it's not too long to go here. Part of the genius of the Diamond is Forever campaign is that the recipients of them are unlikely to ever try to sell them. They are instead worn or locked away safe as an heirloom because they're like, this was a symbol of love. I've got to keep this forever. Also, it's a diamond. So it's worth a lot of money, I assume. Yeah.

Because it costs a lot of money. Yeah. So reselling, it would only be more, probably. This is an investment. Yes. The diamond industry doesn't want people out there reselling their diamonds, though. So they build this sentimental value into them. As Yuri Freidman wrote for the Atlantic, a diamond that's forever promises endless romance and companionship, but a forever diamond is also one that's not resold.

Resolved diamonds cause fluctuations in diamond prices, which undermine public confidence in the intrinsic value of diamonds, which doesn't exist. Diamonds that are stowed away in safe deposit boxes or bequeath to grandchildren don't. Epstein documents many stories of people unsuccessfully trying to resell their diamonds, though. The best, it seems, you can expect is to resell them for a loss. They're very hard to resell. Wow. Normal everyday diamond engagement rings and stuff. Even expensive, it tells the story of a woman who bought a $100,000 one

and then went back to sell it back to Tiffany's. A couple of years later, 10 years later, assuming it probably went up in value. And she wanted to do something else with, and they're like, oh, I'm sorry, we don't, we don't re-buy the diamonds. But it's definitely worth a lot. Go sell it. There's other place we can recommend. She went there and they're like,

we don't, yeah, we don't want to buy it. We could try and sell it for you and give you a percentage of what we sell it for, but she just couldn't get rid of us. She ended up just keeping it. Wow. They're very hard to sell. And it goes through a bunch of different examples where people bought them as investments and then try to sell them in the year, two years, 10 years later,

and could not sell it for a profit. There are exceptions, of course, as Epstein explains. While those who attempt to sell diamonds often experience disappointment, at the low price they're offered. Stories in gossip columns suggest that diamonds are resold at enormous profits. This is because the column items are not about the typical diamond ring, but about truly extraordinary diamonds. So there are still these wild diamonds that are very rare,

you know, the huge ones that are worth millions initially. They might grow in value. But these stories that are linked to the press by the Diamond Institute or whatever they were called, they make it seem like all diamonds. That's what happens to all diamonds. Basically ones that are in museums or in the hands of multimillionaires. the rocks plebs like us by their value has been invented purely by smart marketing in 1982 epstein wrote it is conservatively estimated that the public holds more than 50 times the number

of gem diamonds produced by the diamond cartel in any given year because you know everyone people hold on to them yeah so there's so many diamonds they keep getting put in because for the most part they don't get destroyed or anything there's just more and more diamonds out there and they're controlling what's available to the back end but they're not controlling what the public holds which is way more than they would normally produce in the year. What did you say? 50 times. And this is in the 80s.

Wow. It's that many more. So he basically goes on to say that obviously they don't want, if the public started selling them, the whole system would come crashing down because they would first find that they can't sell them for as much as they bought them for. And secondly, they'd be then competing with the new diamond sellers. So the whole, the bottom had fall out of the market. Everyone would basically realize that they're worthless.

They're worthless, yeah. So the whole thing is bonkers basically. Debeers created this illusion of value and they need the illusion of value to be maintained. Otherwise, average people start selling their diamonds, which they'd struggle to do, which will make the price of diamonds plummet, confirming that the value of their diamonds was an illusion. Basically, I think that's kind of right. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyway, diamonds are still a thing. Really? I'm starting to wrap up here. It's pretty smooth. And it looks like new markets are still being found, according to Friedman's 2015 article, the social transformation that took place in Japan in the 70s, may be repeating itself today in China, where according to a recent city group report, which relies on De Beers' data, more than 30% of Chinese brides now receive diamond engagement rings.

The practice barely existed in the country in the 90s. Now it's up to 30%. Wow. And they have the biggest population, so you want them on board? That would be obviously huge. The same article shows the growth in the USA, which went from 10% to 80% in the 50 years from 1940, basically when they started really ramping up the marketing. 10% to 80%.

And in Japan, from 5% up to 60, I said back then, but up to 95, it kept increasing to 77%. So it's up basically to the same sort of proportion as this states. Wow. Freidman concludes his article saying, De Beers is still a major player in the diamond industry, though it's not as dominant as it once was, an NWAS ceased operations in 2002. But the diamond invention lives on. That's the end of my report.

I had one fun fact to offer you just to see, you know, I'll decide. Pending fund status. So just say a fact. Okay. You've got a fact. Here's a fact. According to the Times, the line,

A Diamond is Forever, has appeared in every Debeer's engagement ad since 1948. In 1999, two weeks before Ms. Gerrity, who came up with the line, died at the age of 83. Advertising age named it the slogan of the century. That's all right. That's fun. That is fun.

The slogan of the century, I would have thought it'd be... Just do it. Oh, yeah, that's good. I can't know. I was trying to think of a dumb one. I can't even think of one. Roof, roof. That's good. Surely the best one ever is, see tomorrow.

Come in have a beer. Boy, diamond. We're blocs. We love diamonds like you. We're just average fellas. Bring your wallet. That's actually a pretty good slogan. Don't forget your wallet.

Because this is going to cost you a shit low. Honestly, we'll be so mad if you do. not pay a lot of money. Blues. Plus. We need this. Anyway, thank you Paul Stewart for that suggestion. Thank you, Paul.

I found it so fascinating. And then as I went through it, I'm like, is this too dry? I wasn't sure. But anyway, it's a bit of a different report to what we normally do. Yeah, it's cool. It's more like in the vein of an old report I did about why do boys wear blue and girls wear pink. And the simile, it was, the answer was basically marketing made it up.

Yeah, it's made up. And we're all sheep. Yeah. Well, that brings us to everyone's favorite section of the show, the fact quote or question section, which is where one of our fantastic patrons gets to give us a fact, a quote, or a question, basically just enhancing our brains and our hearts and our minds. It's different from brain. Yeah.

Somehow. Souls. Absolutely. And does it not have a little theme song? I think it does. How does it go again? Fact quote or question. Ding.

never forgets the ding. So the way you can get involved in this, you go to Patreon.com slash jocompod. And you sign up on the Sydney-Sharmberg Deluxe Memorial Edition, rest in peace. Please, thank you very much. Level. And you get to give us a factor quote or a question.

We go through about four each episode. And, you know, some facts. You know what they are. Some are quotes. You know what they are. Some are questions. And you know what they are. And Jess, you're running it this week

because I don't have my computer. But I do. I have Matt's computer. And I'm holding it ransom until he pays me that five bucksie owes me. Hopefully like me, you haven't read these before you read them? Absolutely not, no. As is tradition. I don't know how to read.

So this is going to be a challenge, but I'm going to do my best. This was a tradition first marketed by the NW Ayer's Incorporations. Ayah. Okay, so our first fact quota question comes from Gary, Jay from the UK. Ah, Gary. Gary. I hope it's Bradman related.

And his title that he's given himself is the happiest person alive. In brackets, if Matt came through on his promise to do the Don report. I probably went early with that promise. I have written half a report, which is the length of almost, oh, not quite the length of today's report, and I'm about halfway through his life. I will do it. Yeah, I've got to, either I just, it is a long episode or I've got to do some condensing. I vote condensing.

Okay. Well, Gary has asked us a question. This question is, seeing as this podcast and mini network is a big massive success and don't be so modest it is. What opportunities has it given to you because of it that you wouldn't have had the chance to do otherwise? Oh, I suppose number one is the live shows that we do or have done, the tours. We've been on three overseas trips together. Yes. I did not see that coming when we started this.

No, definitely not. I had no idea what this would do, you know? Like, I was like, okay, I'll go do a podcast, not knowing what a podcast really was. With these weirdos. I think when I started the main hope, I mean, it was just, the main hope was that it would be fun. And if there was any sort of other benefit, it would be that it would be that it would, would help make people aware of our stand-up. Yeah, it was basically to use this as a side thing to promote our main thing,

which is our other comedy projects. Yeah, which I don't really do anymore. This became the main thing. Yeah, so I think that definitely Gadi G. My main thing, the same as Dave, is the overseas travel. Yeah. I never would have done a Thailand podcast festival if wasn't for being involved in this podcast. Yeah, that's for sure.

That's right. And yeah, I mean, I can't think of things. I'm sure there are other things that sort of not so directly come out of it. Maybe it's just raising your profile for one of a better word. You know, people know you so they get you to come and do stand up on something. I don't know, but directly it would, yeah, definitely be traveling. I mean, I get a couple more likes on my pastogram photos. Yeah.

Yes, Instagram followers is the big one, yep. I mean, we wouldn't have our faces on T-shirts. That's right. Yeah, we would. Probably wouldn't have made those t-shirts. Yeah, we'd probably want to make those Dugan T-shirts that Jess is sitting next to if it wasn't for the Dugan podcast. There's so many and I can't do anything with them at the moment.

But one day, so yeah, I hope that answers your question, Gary. The next one is Nick Brennan. On your neck. Nick has given himself the title of Actions and Repercussions Advisor. Oh, I wonder what that means, but I love it. Love it. some sort of drum, drummer. That's percussion.

Oh, pardon me. Well, if you do percussion more than once, it's repercussion. That is true. So yes. Okay, so he's a drummer. He's our drummer. Great. And our action figure.

Yeah. Yeah. Love that. Action figure model. We'll use his body, our faces. I assume he's better than all of ours, probably. Easily. And Nick has given us a fact.

I love a fact. The fact is, Pogonophobia. Pogonophobia. Phonophobia is the fear of beards. Luckily, I've recently turned mine into a mustache. Oh, thank good. Thank God.

Dave, though. I know. I'm terrifying. We still give people the hebi-jibis. He's a bit of a dick, though. He says, you probably know your fair share of men. Matt. Who sport some sort of facial hair.

Dave, noticeably excluded there. Ouchies. Ouch, mama. That's a comment. That is a hot tamale. This comment certainly has repercussions. It's upsetting me. If you suffer from pegonophobia, the fear of beards,

then you'd rather avoid them. And it turns out this fear could be justified. A 2018 study published in the Journal of European Radiology suggests that beards contain significantly higher amounts of bacteria than dogs do. Oh, cop it, Matt. Cop it. Well, I've also, I mean, I've read studies that say beards work. as a filtration system for the air you breathe as well.

Right. So you know those bacteria in the beards? That's what non-bearded people breathe into their lungs. Oh my God. I'm extrapolating there. Can I ask you one question, man? What does your beard smell like wet dog? Busted.

I've got a little orphan Annie. Has hidden my beard behind a pot plant. and your Mr. Walbox has busted me. With that fancy shirt, you look like a real Mr. Walbuck's type. Daddy Walbox. Thank you. I think is what he's actually known as, isn't he? Daddy Walbox.

That's hot. I'm hoping one of or both of you have seen the movie. I haven't, no. No, I'm not getting any of this. Oh, no. The only reference I have is you saying, why do I smell wet dog? Why do I smell the wet dog? Which movie do you like?

Like the recent remake? I haven't seen the recent remake. I've only seen the 80s or 90s one. Right, okay. But I, which I don't know if that's the original or what. It's set in the olden day, so I'm assuming it's probably a remake. Yeah, and I mean it's been a musical for a long time. Right.

I don't know. Anyway, thank you very much to Nick. Jay-Z sampled it in one of his early hits. Oh, yeah. Wet dog. Wet dog. I mean, if it was smart. Like a wet dog.

He's gone on to a pretty big career, but that career would have been even bigger if he sampled Daddy Walbach saying, why do I smell a wet dog? I hope I'm remembering that right. So you only know that from me. That's the only thing I get from it. It's your reference. That's funny. Sometimes it just gets into my head.

Yeah, it gets in my head as well. I just think it. What dog? Moving on to our next fact quote or question. I know to Sam Cash. Oh, Sam Cash. Thank you, Sam Cash. Sam Cash has given themselves a title of Special Agent in Charge of Cryptozoological Investigations.

Oh, great. Important job. Very important job. We're fascinated with Cryptozoology here. We've, of course, Lizard Man of Skap or Swamp. And what you've got to remember is the Lizard Man loves Butterbeams. So that's the Skate Or Swamp General Store Man trying to go for the De Beers sort of level marketing. Well, it's worked on me because I last week at the shop sell was butter beans on special.

I nearly took a photo and sent it to you, man. It's locked butter beans away for me as well. It made me think about it. Bada beans. Sam has given us a quote. This is the quote. It says, We are not now that strength which in old days moved earth and heaven.

That which we are, we are. One equal temper of heroic hearts made weak by time and fate, but strong in will, to strive to seek to find and not to yield. Tennyson? Yes. Okay, Jess, could you now say those words in order? Now, the fun game here is unjumbling those words. Famously, that line has been used by two people,

one of which was M in Skyfall. Yes. The other one was Greg Hunt, our health minister, who once said it at a press conference, fantastic line. He said, to strive and seek and yet not to shine. I thank you. stepped off the stage and absolutely face-planted. Really?

It is the funniest thing ever. Oh, so he thought he nailed this great poignant moment. I think it was like World Nursing Day or something. He was like, I thank you. Well, boom! It's the funniest thing. And ironically, he needed nurses. Yeah.

He needed their attention, medical attention. Yeah. I like, yeah, I've heard that last part, and I'm probably thinking of M from Skyfall. Yeah, it's a montage. She's up in court defending. Does she do the whole thing? Or just... Yes, she says, I didn't care much for Tennyson, but my late husband did.

Yes, she raised it out. That's right. To strive, to seek, to find and not to yield. Yeah, I remember that part. And then I thank you, Face Plan. She also did it. But obviously, Judy Dej did it in a beautiful way. Very elegant.

I try and remember to share it in the Patreon group. I mean, Greg Hunt was obviously just following how it was written initially by Tennyson. It does have asterix, face plan asterisrix. So he's just a purist. Finally, for fact, quite a question today is Maine Gallagher, M-A-E-N. It's got to be an Irish name. Yeah, Mayan. Mayan.

I mean, I'm assuming. I could definitely be wrong. I get this very wrong. Okay, I've Googled it, and what's come up for me is Maine Watchers. So I don't think that's you, but unless you've got a watch chain, good for you. Main's title is Theme Hospital Administrator and Roller Coaster Tire. Kikoon. Whoa, that's cool.

Into some old school video games. Love that. And I've also given us a quote. The quote is, Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Is that a groucher? Yes.

I remember seeing that on a bookmark as a kid and going, that's funny. It is very funny. And my friends didn't get it. And I was like, am I a genius? And that was later conferred to be true. Yeah, I am actually a. A genius. No, Matt, do we need to explain that one?

Like, we explained the Tennyson. I just gave me a thought. Should we go through enter schools, lowest the highest? Mine's lowest. No, we definitely don't need to. Don't. I did not do well. We only realised that.

And I would have guessed it in the opposite order, I think. And it shows it doesn't mean anything, obviously. But it was on a Josh E.L. podcast, wasn't it? Was it? Yes, it was the live stream we did with Geraldine Hickey, because she got 49 and then told her dad it was out of 50 and he took her out of dinner to celebrate. Such a great story. It's out of 100.

I don't remember us revealing what we got. I think we did. I trust you. I don't remember anything. You know this. I can't, yeah. I just remember being surprised. So you're saying you got the best.

Matt's was the highest. Because Dave, like me, did you do art subjects? All art. Yeah. So we were always destined to do badly. Well, unless you did well in them, then you'd still go. Even then. The grading was weird.

I never fully understood it. If you got full marks and all of them, you've sort of gone pretty well, but they do get down grades. So obviously, you did ordinary and easy subjects, and that's fine. No, no, no, no. I did. I mean, we'll see where you end up in life, but I have a funny feeling. Yeah, where will you be in 12 to 15 years? I have a funny feeling that I'm going to be a little further ahead of you in life.

Oh, no. I'll have you know, Matt. very, very well in one subject and quite poorly in all the others. I bet it was drama, wasn't it? Yes, it was perfect score. Thank you so much. That's sick. Well done.

That's why I got to go and audition for top class. I got a perfect score in my drama solo. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, and then I fucked that audition. But you didn't get top class? I think English was my top score. And I've continued to speak it ever since. Sorry to brag, but yeah.

Not super well, but dropped the others. I dropped all my other languages. Why bother with the stuff you're not good at? I wish I did what you guys did and did subjects that I cared about I did all business and politics and you know smart people Yeah but now you're a large business owner and a politician

I'm a political scientist I wish I didn't do maths Everyone was like you know It's just an important one to have most courses need you to have it Not any of the courses I applied for I'm in the exact same boat as you I would have dropped that and done like PE or biology or something

I don't like photography or something Yeah, I did photography. It was sick. Anyway. Damn it. I mean, no regrets. But also, people told me at the time that the number doesn't really matter and that, you know, once you get into unicourses or you don't or whatever, it's, you never think about it again.

I did not listen. And then six months after you finish year 12, you're like, what was my score again? You have no, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter so quickly. Yeah, in terms of money and all that sort of stuff, my friends that have done the best in, you know, what have you ranked doing the best, but in business and what? whatever. That was the guys who didn't do particularly well at school. My brother failed woodwork and he's a carpenter.

He failed woodwork. He's a very good carpenter. Yeah, it's just school's not, yeah, it's a like a set up for a certain kind of mind. I failed religious studies and now I'm a cult leader. Yeah, so take that. Create a my own religion. Study that. Daveology. Yeah. Peace out. It is a bit weird that you sort of like you're 17, 18 and you're just finishing school

and you have to decide what your future is going to be. It's like, that makes no sense. But anyway, we've done our fact, quite a question, which of course brings us to everybody's favourite part of the episode where we shout out to some of our beautiful patrons who support us over at patreon.com forward slash do go on pod. Before we do that, can I quickly just thank one of our great Patreon supporters who got in contact?

Remember Paul Jackby? That's a typo. It's Paul Jacob. There's a guy instead of an O. He messaged going, hey, just double checking. Was that me? And I'm like, oh yeah, I think he misspelled his own name. So it's on him.

Yeah. But thank you to Paul. We hope you still enjoyed your shout out last week, even though the whole time you were going, is it me? Is it me? Is someone from the same town as me with nearly the same name as me, but not quite?

That's crazy. That's possible. It was you. But as well as getting a shout out and the fact quota question club, you can also sign up to a level where you get our three bonus episodes a month now. We are about to record. Our third for this month, we've already put out a bonus report. Yep.

We did a quiz that we played along with and you can, we all play the quiz and you can play along this month. And also our episode of phrasing the bar is coming out in a few days time. And we're talking about the film School Ties with a young Matt Damon, young Chris Donald, Chris O'Donnell, young Ben Affleck and of course a young Brendan Fraser. I mean, like, he's good looking in this. But just the other night I was watching The Mummy, so we're jumping forward quite a few years. And it's like, God, dude, he's so hot.

He only got hotter. He got hotter. Not absolutely not his value. He's funny. He's a good actor. He is a good actor. Fuck, he's hot, though. Hey, he's really hot.

Yeah. Inside and out. Inside and out. He's got warm insides. I don't find assholes attractive. Yes. That's just me. Absolutely not.

I don't like bad boys. I like good boys. Like Brendan Fraser. That's just me. He's a good boy. And so usually when we do these shoutouts, we like to play a bit of a game as well. But I'm struggling a little bit to come up with one. What about instead of diamond, what we would get them now?

We know the truth about diamonds. If we're asking them to marry us. Yeah. What sort of ring? What sort of a crystal? What sort of. Treasure. Okay.

Yeah, love that. Do you mind if I kick her off? Please. Don't actually kick anyone. Okay. Did you say, can I kick her off? Are you kicking a woman off a boat or something? Is he kicking you off this podcast?

Uh, kicking. I do mind. He was looking at me. Can I kick her off? No. Can I said no, no. Kick it off. Is that better?

No, I'm a human being. You calling me? I work hard at this podcast. I know I'm not as good as you guys, but I really do try. Okay, she's fishing. Yeah, well, that's the one. You kicked me off this boat. I'd love to first thank from Princeton in New Jersey.

Is that where Princeton University is in New Jersey? Well, that was a big plotline in the Brendan Fraser film. Yes, that's right. I'm like, where do I know that from recently? So from Princeton, New Jersey, I'd love to thank Lisa Ballard. Lisa Ballard. Thanks, Lisa. I would get Lisa, a little mini-brose.

bell made of gold. Oh, gold gold. You call her the my dingling. That's quite nice. So it's a little gold ring that has a little bell on it. But boy, it makes a mighty sound. When she's around. Not to be confused with a cow's bell.

No, no, no, it's not a cow's bell. It's a beautiful dainty sound, but also I can hear her coming. So no more surprises because she's very sneaky and quiet, Lisa. Lisa, so sneaky and quiet. How she doing? How do you do, Lisa, anyway, no longer. Just for the fact check here, Princeton is a town of New Jersey known for the Ivy League, Princeton University. I had no idea where Princeton was.

Well, I wonder if Lisa, I mean, either a resident or maybe studying there. Oh, wow. Perhaps. Who knows? But anyway, thank you, Lisa. Enjoy your little bell. Sorry about that. I'd love to also thank from Westminster in California in the United States. Elizabeth Selgado.

Elizabeth Selgado. I think that she has a bucket full of gold coins. Oh, that's good. Like real gold or like ones and twos from Australia? Still a bucket's a lot. No, like proper pirate treasure style. Pirate gold. But in a bucket.

Oh, yeah. Sort of modernise it a little bit. Yeah, because we don't have, we don't use chests for any little boxes. No, no chest anymore. Does she use a bucket. Yeah. Well, she's going down to the beach. She's collected some coins.

She was going to make a sandcastle. It's a sand bucket full of gold. Wow. Will you be my partner? Well, there's the famous song from the Peep Temple song, Carol, where it goes... I don't want to be a fucking Christmas hand. Yeah, that's one of the great lines. I never just says, well, it's been on my brain.

Carol, fuck it. You're my spained. I'm your bucket. That's beautiful. Yeah. It's a great. I really, really love that song. It's a great song.

Carol! Carol! I don't know. Thank you. is good for you. I don't think Trevor is good for you. Carol! I don't,

I ain't no fucking Christmas ham. I just want you to love me like I love you, Carol. I don't know this song. Or is this one that you played for me on tour maybe? Yeah, we definitely want to blast. Got a bit of Triple J play in the day. When? The 90s.

I know you don't like guitars and drums anymore at your little station. But yes, it was one of the last guitar. our songs played on Triple J. Yes, I'm an old man. Can I thank a couple of peaks? Any chance of some real instruments? I'd like to thank one more if that's okay, Dave.

Oh, we're doing three each down, aren't we? Hey, sorry about that. Finally, another... Matt, hey, I'm sorry on behalf of Dave. Can you accept that apology, please? I accept Jess's apologies. Fuck! But I'm no longer talk to Dave.

Fair enough. And I'm finishing off my thanks with another United States citizen, I assume, from Forney in Texas. I'd love to thank KJ Fairbrother. Oh, KJ Fairbrother is a good name. KJ. And KJ, I reckon, has... You can call me Ket and you can call me J.

For some reason, KJ, all I could think of was... KJ Choi, the golfer. So you think golf balls? Yep. Yeah, diamond and crust of golf balls. Still diamond. Still diamond. Also what I was going to say.

You got to do something with this little shitty ones in Siberia that no one cares about. Yeah. Put them on a golf ball. Yeah. So it gives it great grip and spin. Oh yeah. You put that in a sand trap. Don't worry about it.

You'll grip it out. It'll just grip all the, it'll grip right out. It'll roll down and then roll back up. Ont to the green into the hole. Yeah. You play mini golf. You know, you can, you play it in your bedroom. It'll roll right up the wall under the ceiling.

Somehow to go under the hole in the ceiling. Yeah. And you will not see that ball again. No, it's gone. It's rolling away. It's grippy. It just keeps going. It keeps gripping.

They call it the gripper. They call it the gripper. So congratulations KJ on your gold, no, your diamond-encrusted golf ball. Wow. One ball? Yeah, one. Yeah, one. Fucker of balls.

No, Jesus. What are you? What are my millionaire? Are you crazy? Well, I mean, yeah. Probably, but not that modern multi-millionaire. Yeah. Yeah.

In this sort of world of, we're making, of make-believe, I would have thought you could probably not be a tight-up one. They gave a bucket of treasure. All right, can I thank some peeps now? Please. I would like to thank from Braddon in the Australian Capital Territory, Luke Robinson. Use to you, Mr. Robinson.

Luke in. Okay, what about we get him? That song was famously covered by the Lemon. heads. Oh yeah. We get him a lemon. And you're like, oh, it's just a lemon. What?

It's solid gold gold. Solid gold lemon. Solid gold lemon. Oh, I bought a lemon. Made of gold. Gotcha, Luke. Pranked you. Will you be my husband?

Oh, but I just made pancakes. I just asked you to go to the shop and get lemons. Or technically I did. Well, one. We needed at least three lemons for the crepes I've made. I can't afford. I've been through this. I'm not a multi-millionaire.

I've just proposed to seven people. You pull. On your look, enjoy the lemon, mate. That's for you. The lemon heads. Pranked her. Famously covered by the lemon heads. Saw the lemon heads play at the corner.

I've seen them a couple times. They played at Meredith as well. Oh, great. I mean, it's Evendando and band these days, I believe. And it has been for a while. I got a feeling that would be a great live show, though. Yeah. He played everything at Meredith.

I think my favorite track of theirs, remind me. What are the big ones? Mrs. Robinson. I think they probably, I don't know if they played that, but they definitely played outdoor type, but my favorite one, absolute banger, can't put my finger on right now.

But it's your favorite. Favorite Lemonhead song. It's a great show. Anyway, Dave. You look that up, while I think from San Jose in California, A. Sarah Polini.

Sarah Polini. Sarah Polini. Sarah Polini. We've got a pony. Oh. Oh yes, nice one. Made of gold. Whoa.

Did we kill the pony by covering him in gold? Okay, no, it's just a pony. Like in one of the early scenes in Goldfinger where they kill a woman by painting her in gold? Yeah, that was bad. Just a pony, just a pony. Okay. But maybe it's got like... A gold saddle.

Yes. Like lightweight. Lightweight. Lightweight. Just a gold coated. Yep. Lightweight, you mean in case it's running in a handicap. Yeah, exactly.

Don't have to get a tiny jockey on it. It's not that good. Yeah. It doesn't need it. heavy one. It's more of a pet pony rather than a racing pony. But still, one of them racing ponies you've read about. Hey Dave, if I could talk, I'd tell you is the name of the song. That's good stuff. Sarah Polini, thank you so much. I would also like to thank from California

but from a place called Escondido. Oh, love that. Christian Etzel or Christian Ezel. Oh, Izel. Or Azel. Christian All right. I want to give name. Christian. Christian. I want to give Christian. Name. Ezel. I want to give him, all right. Let's have a look here.

You've gone into the bank and the brain. I want to give him one tub of liquid nitrogen. Wow. What's that mean? I don't know. Dave, what does that mean? Also, I don't know what size the tub is. Is it a little tub or a big tub? Gallantub. Galantub.

I don't know how big that is. I mean, you could use that. You could use that to like remove some warts. Okay. Is that what it is? Did I say dry ass? Is that what it is? Yeah.

I love dry ass, though. Makes everything kind of smoking. Will you marry me? And get rid of those warts. Yeah, you just thought you throw that down in case they say no and you disappear behind the pump of smoke. Will you marry me? That's beautiful. That's so beautiful. Dave, was that your three? Yeah, those are my three. I'm glad I finished with giving someone a wart remover.

Is that what it is? But you Google liquid nitrogen. The top product that comes up is compound W freeze off warts. Yeah. 38 bucks. Okay, well, I mean, imagine what you could do with a gallon of it. So many warts. So many warts.

I would love to thank some people as well. From Hull in East Yorkshire, I'm thinking Joe Haslam. Joe Haslam from Hull. I'm giving Joe a blue topaz toe ring. Oh, wow, love it. Which toe? Middle one. What's topaz?

It's probably one of my favorite gemstones. It's just a very light-colored. They're coming in like blue, green, yellow. It's lovely. Oh, great colors. It's like a sky blue. Oh, yeah, I think I know the one. Lovely.

Fantastic color. That's nice. Topaz. Love topaz. Topaz. Exactly. What a beautiful word. What a beautiful word.

Oh, say it again. I would, I'd read that as Topay and just really class it up a little bit. Marissa Topay. No, actually, I'd soften the T, soften the Z. Opa. Opa. Opae. A little opade, hoaring.

I've softened it, you know, various letters there. And I think if you soften letters, that classes things up. Fuck, yeah, does. How do you say my name, soft? Has he's hamson. That's not, that's the singer from who married the guy from 48 degrees or something. Jessica, her hand. Her cans.

Oh, okay, yeah, soft start and end. Hesse. That's nice. That's nice. Suck on that, David Warnkey. How funny that my brain couldn't do both. It couldn't do both softening letters and remembering my friend's name. Pick one.

Could only do one. What a weird thing to come up with. Thank you very much, Joe. Please enjoy your toe ring. I would also love to thank from Bedlington. in Great Britain, Dan Greaves. Dan Greaves is the world's largest pineapple. Oh my God, yum.

And not the big pineapple that you're all thinking of. Like the world's literally the biggest fruit. And what is it as like slightly bigger than what you would expect? Almost twice as big as what you'd expect. Wow, that's big. I love pineapple. Yeah, and so does Dan. Thankfully, that's why I got him across the line with this.

It's a thoughtful gift. Yeah, makes sense. And do you think he'll accept? your proposal? I have no doubt. Yeah. I've already booked the venue. Oh, yay.

I hope he says yes, it is non-refundable. Are you getting married to the Big Pineapple? Yes. Oh. He loves it that much. That's nice. Wow. And Pinacolada's on the menu, I'm guessing.

Oh, my favorite drink. Dan loves them too. Oh, you guys are so cute. So. I can't handle it. Don't you worry about us. So far, I've been rejected by all of these people, but Dave is so in love. Even when you gave a toreight to-pe-to-ring.

Yeah. They said no, but stood up. Yeah, I know. Well, I mean, he looked beautiful while he walked away. Obviously, his feet looked amazing. While he hobbled away. He was forced it onto his big toe. He was not O'Fay with the toe pair.

No way. And finally, I would also love to thank a supporter who we absolutely love here and who sent us donuts last week. And where's he from? Where's he living? He's from Macau, isn't he? That's where he's living at the moment, I think. think.

Yeah, yeah, I think he's living in Macau. Yeah. Well, of course, now we've given it away that we'd love to thank Saraj Paris. Saraj, what a man. Gave us so many donuts last week. Thanks, Saraj. Dave ate one a day for the week. I have put on weight for the first time because of you, and I thank you.

I took the most full-on-looking ones, and they were both delicious. One was like a cookies and cream, and the other one was an apple crumble. and they were de-licious. Sorry, Greg. I just love them all. Thank you so much, honestly. Way more donuts than people here that day. So we certainly appreciate it.

Evan notoriously will not share chocolate. Why not share his chocolate? So that chocolate donut. He was a happy boy though. Oh, I was so happy. I've never seen him to have. It's weird, isn't it? Because chocolate's bad for dogs.

Got a man. Yeah, got it. Not him. So how would, Matt, how would you propose to Saraj? Well, you want to thank him for all he's given us. Oh, I don't know. What, I mean? What do you give the man who gives everything?

I think I'm going to give Saraj one tower, the tallest building in the world. I'm going to construct it entirely from. Basically, I'm going to use all the diamonds that are being held back by the cartel. Just to... There's that many now. I'm just going to put them all into the world's tallest building. Every element of the building is made of diamond. Wow.

Yeah. Even the staff. Even the stuff. Whoa. That seems dangerous. No. And then you're going to say, Saraj? It's the safest thing possible.

Wow. That's beautiful. And you're going to call it Saraj? Yeah. The Saraj Mahal. Oh, that's good. That's nice. Is it?

That's good stuff. Well... Well... We're limited time. No, that's really beautiful. We didn't have time to brainstorm anything. Thank you so much, Saraj. Thank you to everybody who supports us over at DoGoOn at Patreon.com slash do go on pod.

Yes, thank you so much. And before we go, there's only one thing left to check. And that is if we have any entrance into the famed Triptitch Club. Yes, I've got the list up here. So, Matt, this week you have to come up with drinks and all darts. Oh, fantastic. Well, I don't have to. You get to.

You get the privilege of doing it. I'm thinking I might try and make this tonight while I watch the Saints play against the top team. so I might need a few drinks. But we, not too long ago, I learned how to make a breakfast martini. So I think that's maybe what we'll give a minute. The secret ingredient, it's sort of a pretty classic gin martini only with marmalade and a little bit of toast. Oh, that's cute. Wow.

Yeah, something in breakfast martinis. Yep. And of course, we always do virgin martinis as well. Of course, for the virgins. Yeah. You can have a big boy drink when you're no longer a virgin. And not their value. It's cordial, Dave.

Weak cordial though. Don't why you're getting too sugary? Damn, I love cordial. I never got it as a child, so it still has the thing over me. Yeah. For the hors d'oeuvres, these little sort of, I don't know too many hors d'oeuvres, but I was at a party last year, and they had like these little pikelet things with avocado on top. It was like a Cousin's 21st or something.

Yum. Some went pretty fancy. And that would go great little bite-sized cold pikelety things with avocado. And just avocado? Well, I think the veggie ones were just avocado and the meaty ones had salmon or something on it as well. And they were, no, you know, I think mum made them. Okay. Was it, I don't know what it was for though, but yeah, mum made it for some sort of a party or something.

Right. Geez, that makes it sound like I grew up in a palace. Does it? My made parklets. Poples with avocado and salmon. Wow. Oh, sorry. Sorry, Prince Charles.

It's funny because you're saying you're the same age as Prince Charles. Yeah. That's true. He's, I'm taking a few years off, obviously. He's only, what, 100? Yeah, he's about that. Do you know his dad is 99?

Really? Yeah. He's only 100. And his mom's like 94. Yeah, same age as my grandparents. Read that like this week for some reason. Dave, who was a musical act this week in the Trich Club? We are very, very lucky to have the music.

musical stylings of The Offspring. Oh, great. Playing their greatest hits. Wow. Okay, so what are we going to hear Kim separated? What's that called again? That isn't that what it's called? Self-esteem.

Yes. Classic. Pretty fly for a white guy. Oh, dear. Number one, hottest 100 from your station. What year? What year? 98, 97.

Okay, I was seven years old. Okay. Who cares? When you were actually a youth. It's too young, too young. It's a small sweet spot there. Yeah. Are they going to play any sort of diamond-related covers?

Yeah, we'll get them to play diamonds forever. And they're also going to do diamonds on the soles of their shoes, Paul Simon. Yes, I was about, my initial question for the report was going to be, including Paul Simon, Shirley Bassie and others. And I'm like, hang on, three of these are past reports. I thought maybe that would make it more fun. It'll peek behind the curtain. We did not do well. Jess and I to get that question.

Anyway, so three people in the TripTids Club this week, please, boys, join me in welcoming. Please. Lift that Velvety Road. From Mount Gambia in South Australia, Alice Las Lest Lett. And Alice is, of course, last but not let. From Sacramento, California, Jack Bergstrom. Oh, Berger. And from Sudbury in Suffolk, John Paul Hoare.

The fantastic Hors Instead of four Okay It's good when you have to explain them Because yeah That did not compete otherwise Did you not get it?

No Only when you said like four Okay fair enough I would have said When the moon hits your eye Like a big piece of pie That's a horror That's great

That's great stuff Let's go with that one I would have said like Hors Thammer That's fun Other spiner, is it? I didn't mean it. Wow.

What did you mean? What did you mean? What did you mean? I mean to say, how much? I said, how much? Somebody the other day was like, geez, these parts, the after report bits are really getting blown out. They're going quite long now.

But you know what? That's where most of the fun happens. We haven't got time. I mean, you can stop. as well. You can always just stop listening. That's why it's at the back end. So this is for the true believers.

If you do stop, you miss Hors Thammer. You miss Hors Thammer. Happy. Thappy now. Good way, you're loisers. Nappy Thow? No. Nappy how?

I am nappy thou. How did you know? Well, thank you so much to everyone that supports the show on Patreon. Honestly, it does make a big difference. Yes. Makes us able to do it all the time. So thank you. You can't do it.

out the support of the patrons, I would not be able to dedicate the time to it because I'd be having to work other jobs. Exactly. You goddamn legends. Thank you so much. And one more time, we want to get involved. It's patreon.com slash do go on pod. Well, it just brings us to the end of the episode. If you want to get in contact with us, our website's do go onpod.com with all the links to our social medias, which are all at do go on pod.

And our email, dogo on pod at gmail.com. I should plug very quickly the listen now from this week. It's about Joan Jett and the Black Hearts and her classic album. I love rock and roll, which has got her, probably her most iconic song, I love rock and roll. The titular track. Titular and opening track. Oh, very good. It's a really good album too.

I hadn't heard a lot of it. Also, I didn't realize that was a cover. But most of the albums, original are hers. And to me, they're the highlights of the album. Oh, cool. Nice one. I mentioned it last week, but the most recent book cheat was featured both Jess and Matt. And we talked all about the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

That's right. First novel in that trilogy of five. And yeah, I think that if you like us and if you like the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, maybe you'll have some fun with it. Or if you always wanted to know about it. Yeah, check that out on the book cheat podcast feed. I would recommend that one. Yeah, it was fun. It was a fun time.

And go through back, if you haven't listened to any bookcheet, go back through the whole goddamn back catalog there's 42 fantastic episodes. Thank you so much. Yeah, well, I guess we'll see you next week. And for our big 250th. That's right, it is the 250th. And if you haven't already, you can get the tickets to see it live, because we're doing the live stream.

And if you still get the season pass, it means you can get all four streams for the price of three. Yeah, so the last two ones are still up there, ready to stream. So if you want to watch today's episode, you can mother-flipp and do that. Yep. Yeah, and there's always a bonus bit. at the end and for next week's 250th, it will involve a little part-e. Yeah, it's going to be fun.

It's going to be good. This one question, what comes before part B? I'm not sure. Part one? Part one, that's what I was looking for. We'll be back next week for part one, but until then, I'll say, thank you so much. And goodbye! This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network.

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