Do Go On - 256 - The Korean Axe Murder Incident

Episode Date: September 16, 2020

What seemingly harmless backyard activity nearly caused World War 3? Gardening! In 1976, a group of South Korean and US soldiers were ordered to cut down a poplar tree in the Demilitarized Zone separating North and South Korea. The North Korean soldiers watching on were not happy and attacked and killed two US soldiers, leaving the US with the question of how to retaliate. They didn't want to look weak but they also didn't want to kick off a huge war... This is known to history as The Poplar Incident, AKA The Korean Axe Murder Incident.Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPodBuy tickets to our streamed shows (there are 8 available to watch now! All with exclusive extra sections): https://sospresents.com/authors/dogoonCheck out our web series: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2TuMQ31VXvqqEus9Bo6FZW-dDY5ukEuh Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-TopicTwitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasREFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:Toby Luckhurst’s BBC article https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-49394758Uri Friedman’s article with The Atlantic https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2018/06/axe-murder-north-korea-1976/562028/https://medium.com/history-of-yesterday/korean-axe-murder-incident-48f3e16e47b6

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnocky and as always I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. Hello. Oh, hi. You went big. And you went small. What do we like? I'm just trying to keep it reserved.

God, he's so cute. I don't need to be the center of a. attention all the time. You guys listen to me. I was just being a small little opening and Jess, here comes Jess, always being the center of attention with a big hello, but not me. I won't make this about me. I'll tell you what I'll make it about, Jess. Yeah. And how she always tries to be the center of attention, unlike me. Yep. That's what makes us the cute little potting duo in the world with our friend Dave here. Hello. Oh, here we go. Now Dave needs his time to shine. No, no, my method is I'll go silent for a long time and you'll go, Dave, what's wrong?

What's wrong? And I'll say nothing. Nothing. Don't worry about it. Don't worry. I'm fine. I'm fine. Nothing. You did post on Facebook the other day.

I hate these people and they know who they are. Yeah, I did say that. And I loved it. And then I posted a mystery photo of me in a hospital bed with no explanation. So I got 30 people being like, what's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong? And I said, I don't want to talk about it.

I don't want to talk about it. And then later on I said, I found a hospital bed in a car park, so I took a photo. And this photo was from quite a while ago. I've got long black hair. Oh, no. Don't do it, Dave. Matt's number one comment was, don't do it again.

Please tell me this is an old photo. So this show works in a way, you know, the way I feel like it works. Tell me if I'm right or wrong here. One of the three of us goes away, research is a topic that's often been very, voted on by our listeners or patrons, our patron supporters. We learn a lot about it. We write up a report and then we come back and tell the other two who listen respectfully. Is that about right?

Yes. Close enough. Okay, great. I don't know what you mean, Dave. I don't know what you mean. The report part was right, but anyway. Occasionally there's annoying tangents and sometimes people interrupt to tell the others about a story. about eating a cake one time.

Yeah, it's usually irrelevant, hopefully. And also every three weeks, the SAS twins come to play. And oh, would you look at that? Just looking at my calendar here. Hmm, got a little notification. Oh, the SAS twins are in town today. Are you ready for a sass attack, Dave? Is it sass a clock?

Dave, you ready to be sassed? I am. Are you ready to have your pants sassed off? Oh, my God. Hey, Dave, I didn't realize you'd caught a flight over to Saskatchewan. Hey Dave, we're going to sass the fuck out of you. Hey, Dave, give us one of your glasses, because I want to pour you a cold drink of sasperella.

It took so long to get to that. Hey, Dave, you know my favorite outer suburb in Melbourne? What? Sassafras. Yeah, welcome. Population U. You fuck? Yes.

Got him. We got him already. I don't think we'll top that. If you could just give me a couple of minutes to draft a letter to HR. That would be... Well, guess what, bitch? I'm HR. You got toast.

What they're talking about is it's my turn to do a report on topic. And often when that happens, I get sassed. And the way we get onto topic is by asking a question. So I've got a question for you. And no clues because you're going to sass me so much. So I'll sass you back with no clues. I just want to say, like, we don't always sass you. Sometimes we sass the people in the story your text.

telling them we do that through you. Yeah, great. I'm just a vessel. Yeah, sometimes you're not always the target for the sassing. Sometimes you are, absolutely. Yeah, justifiably so. Yeah, sometimes. It's just a general sass.

But anyway, please do ask a question, your little fuckhead. So we get on another topic with a question and little fuckhead, David. What is your question this week? I'm not sure I know what sassing is. Well, I feel like I don't either. I feel drunk. I feel like I've been drinking a lot of sassan pop. There you go.

I had to have a go. All right, my question to you is, in August 1976, a good year, what seemingly harmless backyard activity almost caused World War III? Whoa. Okay. Trampoline?

Oh, yeah. No, well, no, actually, that's not a clue. I just fucked up. I forgot how to give people clues. No, that's not right. Okay. So it's not bouncing related at all.

No, it's something you do in your backyard. Is it a barbecue? No. They have a barbecue. They have a swimming pool. They go for a swing. Hang up your washing on the clothesline. But what, I mean, it's tending to your lawn.

Mow your lawn. Yes, very similar to mowing your lawn. It is building a ball. Oh, is it getting out the bloody, the weed hornet 3,000? Yeah, the whippers snipper. Well, it is kind of in a way. The answer is gardening. Gardening.

What? How do we not think of gardening? I don't have a backyard. I don't have a garden. Yeah. I do do some gardening on my balcony. If you'd made that question a little more clear, Dave, then maybe I would have got it. I haven't mowed a lawn in so long because the place I rent now,

because it's like a bunch of blocks, there's the grass out the front. Someone just comes and does it. Oh, I love that. I don't even have a lawn mower. You accuse us of being from the affluent, but you have a full-time gardener on full-time. body corporate part of that. I mean, the strip that they mow is about nine acres in front of your house, is that right? Yeah, that's true.

I bring them right on lawn mower. I also have the alpacas out there and they chew it up a bit and the thoroughbred horses do as well. There's gardeners that look after the sort of block of units that I'm in and they always choose the worst time to put the leaf blower on. The worst, like fucking 7 a.m. And I'm like, I will come out there and cut. I'd rather do it at 7 a.m. than during our podcast time.

So make sure that... Good point. Good point. Yes. I'll make sure. They see you setting up the microphone. They're like, voo, voo, voo, voo, here we go. Lots of leaves out here. Dave, I'm confused. All right, so I'll say the question again with the answer in it. So in August 1976,

gardening almost caused World War III. This topic is the Poplar Incident, aka the Korean Axe Murder Incident. What? What? There's a lot going on here. What's poplar? Is that a plant? It's a tree, a poplar tree. Right. This topic has been suggested by two people, so thanks to Alex Buxel from St. Peters and Tristan Thornton from London, who both suggested this topic.

It was voted for by the Patreon supporters at patreon.com slash do go on pod. Again, this one only won by two votes, beating out two other topics. I wanted to do something I'm kind of obsessed at the moment with topics that have the word incident in the title. For example, the die-out-love past incident. So I put up three things, the something incident, and would you know it, writing Korean axe murder incident, of course, that was the one that got across the line. Huh, interesting. Well, it's got my attention. Yeah, I'm perplexed already. Well, let me give you a bit of background here. So time-wise, this is actually this incident takes place two years before my other recent Korean-based topic, episode 244,

where North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il abducted Korean movie star Cheyuan he and her movie director husband, Shin San Ok, and made them make films for his country. So this is very much a similar time period for that, if you have heard that episode. Okay, just so we don't go over old territory, how good is the South Korean flag? Just had to get that out of my system, let's move on.

Yeah, thank you for bringing that. Honestly, I didn't appreciate it enough until you brought it up last time. Now, I've looked at it, I've started it, and I've fallen in love with it. Yeah. It's a great flag. Are you in love with a flag? Yes. Are you like the woman who married the Eiffel Tower?

You're going to marry a flag, are you? Well, there's actually a bit of flag-based action in this story, so get excited for that. What do you mean by that? Well, you'll see. What do you possibly? Who fucks a flag? Or did they print the flag on little condoms? Oh, yeah.

Little ones. Mini. That's why I felt the need to say little. Condoms are, you know, relatively speaking. in terms of, you know, like, compare them to a car, they're quite small. I mean, they're small compared to the Eiffel tower-sized ones that that lady has to order. Custom, I imagine. But they're also slightly bigger than Dix.

Otherwise, they would not work. Exactly, yeah. Think about it. That's their beauty. Speak for yourself, all right. So, just to remind everyone of the background of the tensions between North and South Korea, which I talked a little bit about in that other episode, but in case you haven't heard it, in 1910 Korea was annexed by Japan, basically taken over,

and Japan ruled them with an iron fist. There were some uprising against their brutal overlords, but these mostly failed, and overall, it was a pretty awful time for Korea for many decades. After World War II, when Japan lost the war, Korea was divided into Soviet and US-administered zones, with the Soviet back north and the US-backed south. The Soviets installed, young communist guerrilla Kim Il-sung as leader, and he became the first Premier of North Korea, and he is the grandfather of the current leader of North Korea. So they've never really given that up.

The communists in the North invaded the South, and the two had a bitter war, both wanted control of the entirety of Korea. The Communists in the North were backed by the Soviet Union and China, and the South was backed by the USA and the United Nations. And this is known as the Korean War enraged for three years. years. Before an armistice was signed in 1953, but technically the war never finished and the tension was never fully resolved. The grudges ran deep and you can see why. The war had lasted

for, and this would piss you off, Jess, three years and one month. Oh, fuck so. Just cut it off 30 days earlier, you guys, come on. Why doesn't anybody think of this? I don't know. Why? Surely you'd be thinking of the history majors. It'd be a lot easier for them to remember. It was exactly three years. Three years. Boom. Sadly not.

Three years and one month. And then all these history majors out there studying failing over that. Yeah, that one month. You pieces of shit. Finish your wars earlier or keep them going another year. Oh, wow. Okay. They were about to sign and then thought,

now let's do this in 11 months. All right. Yeah. Good idea. Good idea. The Korean War, that's where MASH was set, I think. Is that right? That's right.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Do you know what that song's called, Jess? Suicide is Painless. What a, what a full-on time. For a sit-john. For a comedy show.

Imagine what the nanny theme song was called. Chop your leg off, fuck ahead. It just doesn't make sense. The two are very close too, Dave. Yeah, chop your leg off, your fuck end. Yeah, I love that one. She was working in a massive flashing queen. Love that.

Well, this is, yeah, this is set up for a fascinating story already. Jess, you missed the last one. Did you listen back to the last one? Yeah. Oh, we have. This is ringing some bells. Oh, that's good news. Well, just fine.

So if you were recapping just for me, Dave, it wasn't fully necessary, but I think it was good for people who maybe haven't listened to that one. Or, you know, for me who probably forgot a lot of it. Well, I didn't really go into the numbers last time of the Korean War, which I wasn't fully across. And this is basically, so this is to set up the time. tension in this episode. You can see why the grudge remained there because over those three years in one month, roughly four million casualties resulted from the Korean War, including lots of civilians.

So South Korean casualties were 1,300,000. Of those, a million were civilians. Communist casualties in the north were estimated at 2.5 million, including a million civilians. And the United States Army lost about 37,000 in action. So you can see why these people hate each other, even though technically an armistice has been signed. Yeah, yeah, okay. Two million civilians, basically. Two million civilians. That's insane.

Horrific stuff. Yeah. And part of this armistice was a demilitarized zone known as the DMZ was created to separate the north and the south. They did this by pulling back each side's forces wherever they were at the time, 1.2 miles or 2 kilometres along each side of the boundary. So in total, the DMZ is four kilometres or two and a half miles wide and runs 160 miles or 250 kilometres east to west

across the peninsula, basically cutting Korea in half. And at the DMZ, do they have like a DMZ type gossip office? Yeah, they do. They're like, oh my God, it's so Charlie Sheen at the airport. Whoa. Have you ever watched the standards videos you'll ever see? It's people like running up. up to a celebrity who's like, hey, what, what, what's going on?

Like, while they're waiting for a taxi being like, yeah. Yo, Kelsey Grammer, how's it going? And he's like, hey man. Yeah, I'm fine, thanks. Trying to eat a breakfast break. And we got the scoop on how Kelsey Gramer is today. Okay. Cool.

Thanks, TMZ. DMZ. Oh, I love it. I felt like if I didn't say anything, we would have a, I can't believe you missed this. Oh, my God. message or, you know, so I was just thought, I'm just going to get in there. So if you were halfway through writing, I can't believe you missed this message, you may delete. I've never, I've never once read one of those and thought, yeah, I wish I'd said that.

But we get a lot of them. Good point. Sometimes it's missed very much on purpose. Anyway, sorry to interrupt you there, Dave, with a dumb tangent. No, honestly, that's what the show is. Without it, it's just stats on the Korean War. Yeah, I thought I'd lighten it up a bit. Yeah.

So there's this big bit in the middle where no one's allowed to go, basically, and there's guard towers and barbed wire on either side, and inside most of the land has just remained untouched for decades and returned to nature, basically. But what's the point of it just to keep them from... A little buffer. Yeah, so it is a little bufferer in that you stay on your side, we'll stay on our side. Oh.

And there's not much in the middle except for the odd landmine to make sure that you stay on your side. God, it's a bit of a waste of space. I love a demilitarized zone, which is just full of bombs. Glad we got all that military bullshit out of there. We're keeping the peace, okay? If any of you try to disturb the peace, we'll blow you up. It's interesting that I never, before you talked about this on the last episode, what was it, 244 or whatever.

Yeah, I never knew why North and South Korea split up. And it sounds so it's kind of like, north and east and west jerse. Germany, only they just never got back together. Never got back together. And then I think both of them still claim to be the proper career. Right. And it seems like they're just a million years away from reconciling. Yeah, every now and then there seems to be a little bit of like, oh, this is goodwill,

goodwill, and then often it falls through. But the difference between reconcile, like getting on and bringing them two back together and reuniting. Yeah, that seems like a long way. Yeah. So the fighting never stopped. but the rivalry never ended. Either side of the DMZ,

both sides set up large speaker systems and blasted propaganda and insults at each other. South Korea's... Okay, that I love. I love broadcasting insults of people. Hey, you're shit, you shit. Hey, attention, attention South Korea. You suck.

Honestly, it is basically... Oh, yeah, North Korea? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, you suck. It is stuff like that. Is it stuff like, hey, South Korea's saying stuff like, hey, we, our country's so good, we don't have to trap our citizens here. Stuff like that. Well, yeah, so South Korea's stream of noise evolved to feature weather forecasts,

news that was banned in North Korea and K-pop music. I'm like, I'm also imagining that weather forecasts are banned. I think they're like, you can never know. Just take a jacket. It's always sunny here. Seoul is beautiful right now. Wish you were here. Rain is just a different.

kind of sun. You're just interpreting it wrong. You idiot. Sometimes sounds were blasted all day and night and made it difficult for the soldiers stationed on the other side to sleep. That's how loud and often they were blasting it. So that's the south side. Then up north, according to NPR, quote, North Korea counted with its own messages that praised its country and berated the depraved capitalist south. Those broadcasts were reportedly less loud and were prone to technical issues because of electricity shortages. So that's a bit embarrassing. That is a bit embarrassing.

South Korea are like, sorry, can't hear you. Sorry, what? You're breaking up. Sorry? Like you genuinely are. I'm not doing a bit. You are breaking up because your electricity sucks. Who did you say was shit?

Who's shit? So this continued until 2018 when they were dismantled ahead of historic meetings between the country's two leaders. But before that, for decades they would just sass in each other. Talk about the sass twins. It's like splitting them up, putting the DMZ in between each other and you guys just going for it.

God, you'd never want that. I hope we never come to that, Matt. I hope that never happens for us. Fingers crossed. Yeah. I hope we never have this little buffer in between and we just yell at each other. I hope that never happens.

Well, it's about to get a little bit sexy here because the 1980s kicked off what is known as the flag war. I told you I'd mention the flag. To me it's like South Korea wins this war by so much. I think the North Korean flag's fine, but the South Korean flag kicks its ass.

Yeah, but they are actually going to physically get these flags to fight. Oh, okay. So really... Like wrestlers donned in each flag? No, no, no. Just going to put the flags next to each other. Let the wind do its thing. So depending on which way.

the wind blows, we'll figure out the winner. That's right, because the wind is always in favour of the winner. Oh, that's why it's called the win. Exactly. Short for, that's the old, old time word for one was wind. You win this one again, but now that's obviously over time has changed to one. Yeah, it's funny how language evolved, isn't it? Oh, it's so fluid.

It's beautiful. Yeah, it is so beautiful. So the flag war kicked off when the South Korean, the South Korean government built a 321 foot or 97 meter tall flagpole in its border village of Desong Dong, which is right on the border, and you can see that from in North Korea. South Korea put up a great flag. And if you're going to do that, what do you think of the North are going to do? They responded by building a 525 foot or 160 meter tall flagpole in its border town. The pole flies a 270 kilo or nearly 600 pound North Korean flag, which is the four.

largest anywhere in the world. Whoa, what are the other three? There was one in Saudi Arabia. I can't remember the other three. That's insane. You had to have known I was going to ask. That's wild. So they're just putting up flags at each other at this point.

Mine's bigger than you. Far out. But I'm sad to say, it's not all just insults and stupid one-upment ship along the border. Spiratic outbreaks of violence along and within the DMZ killed an estimate. 500 South Korean soldiers, 50 US soldiers and 250 soldiers from North Korea in the DMZ or along the border between 1953 and 1999. So every now and then, a bit of violence kicks off and a couple of people sadly would be killed. That's awful.

I liked it when they were just being petty. I know. I thought I'd include that just because it's funny and silly. Probably the most famous and definitely the most ridiculous of those incidents occurred in 1976 in a place in the DMZ called the JSA, the joint security area. Okay. I'm giving you too many initialisms here. The DMZ, demilitarized zone, JSA, joint security area.

Do they have a GTAV? Yeah, at any one time, it's stopped. You're ready to get out. This is from last week, Jess was looking at me, blankly. That was last week the getaway cars. The last guy's called the GTAV. Short for get to and away from a vehicle or something. Real catchy like that.

I'm one of them demanded to call it. Where's the van? I don't know what you're talking about. Use its name. Is there about to be arrested? So the JSA, the Joint Security Area, is a meeting point within the DMZ where negotiations take place. In 2018, the North Korean leader Kim Jong-un and US President Donald Trump met in the JSA. I'm not sure if you saw that was a big headline at the time.

This is how recent it was. So yeah, I haven't got my head around that. Yeah, and it's still used. So the joint security area, the JSA, is an almost circular patch of land with an 800 metre diameter split by a line that indicates one half belongs to the north and the other half the south. And despite the bitter standoff and the obvious hatred for the other side. During the 70s, both sides were able to pretty freely wander around the JSA. This meant North Koreans, South Koreans and US guards would mingle together. Okay. There were, however, strict limits of 30 armed enlisted personnel and five armed officers

at any one time in the JSA. So you're allowed to have soldiers in there, but most of them wandered around unarmed. Okay. This is weird. So was Hawkeye, any of these, that crew in there? Yeah, yeah. Hawkeye or can't think of any of the other names. Klinger. Guy with glasses.

Klinger. Frank. God, Frank. He was a pain in the ass. Oh, Frank. BJ, he was great. Baz. Love lace, love face.

Happy Wits. B.A. Baruchas. I'm also thinking, sorry, I zoned out for a second there because I was thinking about GTAV. Because do they mean Grand Theft Auto? What year? Was it again? Yeah, it was 2004. So Grand Theft Auto 5 was not out yet.

No, San Andreas was the big one at the time. I was in Year 8 and it was such a big game. Holy crap. I reckon that's probably what it was. That's what I've been thinking about for the last few minutes. Oh, no. Well, I've got to say, do you know what the JSA is? No.

That's really important for this story. Okay, okay, sorry. So it's the joint security area. That's right. But what do they, why are they just mingling there? Well, basically, anytime they want to have negotiations or swap prisoners, they used to do that at the JSA. There's the one bit where they, and in the 70s,

there's no longer like this, but in the 70s they could mingle together. So even though there's a line down the middle, the South and North Koreans can wander around this 800. It's like a large oval-sized area. But there's obviously a limit on how many can be armed. I heard that part. Yeah, there's a limit on how many can be armed,

basically so all that war doesn't kick off at any one time. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, great. So sorry. I can't wait to find out how gardening comes in play. I think somebody's like, Do you mind if I just use this little patch of the oven to plant some little petunias? Man, I hope, I wish I could tell you that it was over like a veggie patch or something. Oh, I'd love that.

They decide to put a communal garden there and then people just get very competitive. Yeah, the South Koreans are like, we don't like tomato. What are you doing? Yeah. Why are you growing tomato? I'm going to get a tomato plant today, Bob. Talking of sidetracks. Perfect time.

I love that. Let's grow some tomato, little cherry. I love that. I've got a little lemon tree. we can swap. Oh, great. I'll come piss on it. Please, come piss on my balcony.

You come piss on my tomato plant. I'll come piss on your lemon tree. There's a massive intersection right outside my house. So everyone can see you. Take in a slash on the lemon tree. It's beautiful. Actually, I don't know if piss is good for tomato. Do you mind taking a shit on my tomato plant?

I'll take a shit on your tomato plant. If you piss on my lemon tree. Deal. Okay, I can do. Deal. Sorry, Dave. Please continue. So the JSA.

Yes, which I know what it is now. I'm so sorry. In charge of many of the US troops stationed there was the popular Captain Arthur Boniface. Ooh, great name. Boniface. It's like Bonnie face. Worth adding there, Jess, well, lull.

God, she's good. She's on fire today. Yes. She's still thinking about the GTAV. Yeah, a little bit. Well, Bill Ferguson, who was an 18-year-old officer, stationed there in 1976. later recalled to the BBC, quote,

Captain Boniface really wanted us to enforce the terms of the armistice. We were encouraged to intimidate the North Koreans into allowing the full freedom of movement within the JSA, end quote. At the time, US soldiers were only allowed to serve in the JSA if they were over six feet or 183 centimetres tall. So they had to be intimidating looking. Yeah, if they couldn't openly carry large weapons, which is one of the rules,

the US still wanted to intimidate their enemy with the soldier's sheer size. How weird is that? You had to have six-pack minimum chiseled jaw. Like everyone looks like Rambo, basically. Can't have guns, but you need your arms to be classified as lethal weapons. The North Koreans are like, are objecting. That man has definitely got a couple of guns.

Well, the two sides did not like each other, and occasionally violent scuffles would be. break out in the JSA. A US guard had his arm broken by North Korean soldiers when he accidentally drove his Jeep behind their main building. So he parked in the wrong spot and they broke his arm. Oh, no. Well, now I understand why someone gardening in the wrong patch is going to create some friction.

This is going to be petty, I feel. I think this is going to be petty. Oh, it's so petty. Oh, I hope it's like one of those current affairs shows, the neighbours from hell. Their tree is just like growing a little bit over the line. They're like, I told you for the last time. Trim your fucking bush. Is this North Korea's worst gardener?

And then the North Koreans are hosing them over the fence. And dumping their dog shit over the fence. And reporter Ben Fordham's like, I'm just trying to talk, man. I'm just trying to say hi. I'm just trying to say hi. Just trying to get your side of the story. Just trying to get your side of the story. Get off my property.

Oh, mate, I'm on the pavement here. This is a public property. I'm allowed to be here. Have you used these for your Friday funnies day? Oh, a bit of Current Affairs star. It'd probably be too often that would just be free advertising to your large enemies. Yeah, no, we don't advertise to the Channel 9, even though that is a quality show. I'm sure it was bring this up because once my friend Nick told me that his favorite episode of a current affair was there was an episode called on Killer Driveways.

Oh my God. The rest of the world must have shows like this. They'd have some version of that. The current affair sort of just trashy journalism, where they take petty squabbles from the suburbs and they put them on the big screen. No, they don't turn them into films. They put them on the little screen.

Just depends on how big your TV is. That's really up to you. Well, it is honestly, it is quite petty there, as you're about to hear here, U.S. Lieutenant David Mad Dog Zilker. Yes. He encouraged his men to go out on patrol carrying big sticks, to bang on the walls and the windows of the North Korean barracks and to use as weapons if need be.

Big sticks. They're waking them up, banging them on the window, just being annoying. I'm imagining, though, you know, sometimes you go to the park and you see a dog that's found a very large stick and the dog looks very happy with itself. And it's like running along and the stick is way too wide for this small dog. But it's just so happy. That's what I'm picturing.

Them just with happy big sticks. Yeah, they were carrying them in their mouths. Absolutely. It'd be like on that Halloween episode of The Simpsons where Kodos becomes the president because there's peace on earth. They get rid of all the weapons. And then they are able to take over with like a plank of wood with a sandal of nail in it. Again in the great BBC article by Toby Luckhurst

that I'll link to in the description along with all the other sources here A US soldier Mike Bilbo claimed that Mad Dog Zilker would take us out on these clandestine patrols Once or twice we caught a North Korean Where they weren't supposed to be And we kind of beat him up a little bit Not too bad

A little bit So there is little bits of violence here and there Just break his toe You can't do much about that You just got to let it heal You know? It just hurts a lot of the time. You can't really, you can't put it in a cast, can you?

Can I say it doesn't do that much? You just have to wait a little here. It's just annoying. That's how we get them. Annoying injuries. Isn't that, yeah, it's weird. It's like, isn't that just going to make them upset and try to do the same back? How about one of the careers be the bigger career and leave the other career alone.

And then that other career was, you know, and then peace happens. Did anybody think to get me in this? I want to get me in the JSA. I agree. You know how Matt would do it by just like sitting down and hashing it out. You know how I'd do it? Baking. Oh, that's good.

I'd be like, I made cupcakes. I'd be that person. And then like at first they'd be like, fuck you because they'd think it's going to be like laced with something. But then one day one of them will try it and be like, holy shit, this is delightful. Wow, this is great. Yeah.

I love the idea. So you go in through the door with some ingredients. I'm wearing an apron. You come out an hour or so later. And you just nod to us, like, oh, God, she's done it. Wow, she's done it again. And then I'm just buying accessories

so I can do better frosting designs. I'm like, this is important. This is for peace. I'm baking for peace right now. I try the same thing, but I'm so bad at cooking, I would accidentally poison them. It would kick off a war.

I tried. I really tried. I really tried. So I've read that the soldiers treated it as a bit of a back, fourth game, but it often got out of hand. US soldier William Henderson got into a fight after a North Korean soldier ruffled his hair and he attacked him.

That is a bit patronising, but I don't think it's worth having a brawl over. Well, the US soldier was injured in the ensuing violence and suffered a severe injury to his larynx, so he was quite injured. Ooh. So often it would get out of hand. Yeah. Captain Boniface, who I mentioned before, wrote of the incident in 11. it to his wife, Marsha.

He said, Our mission here is to take the verbal abuse, kicking and shoving, but to not let it go any further. Major Henderson lost his cool and blew it. It's a natural reaction, but he should have known better. So that's the game that he's playing.

But he got injured in the larynx. Yeah. Okay. Larynx. What is it going? That's your voice box around that kind of area. Yeah. It is your voice box.

It's more commonly called the voice box. organ in the top of the neck involving breathing, producing sound, and protecting the treacher against food aspiration. The trekkia. I say treacher. I think the larynx also houses the vocal cords and manipulates pitch volume, which are essential for for nation. Would you agree, Matt?

Yeah, no, I was thinking that. Thanks for writing that in, though. But the word larynx, interestingly, comes from a similar ancient. Greek word. Don't ask me what it is, though. So yeah. Because I want to tell you. For the help with your report, Dave.

Yeah, I mean, obviously we warned at the start of the episode about the Sass twins and they've come in and absolutely dominated there. Yeah. We've come in hot. So despite the armistice being reached 23 years earlier at this point, it was all still very hostile. It was tense in the JSA and the tension was only building. It was like a powder keg ready to explode.

I hate tension too. I don't think I'd like to be there. Not a bad tension fan. Love breaking tension. With humour or flatulence. Also known as humour in my book. Yeah, not in maths, but it still works for breaking tension. Breaking wind, which is the old term for...

Breaking tension. I must say, though, breaking wind is not a good solution. for breaking sexual tension. Unless you want to get rid of, unless you absolutely don't want there to be any. That absolutely ruined sexual tension, right? But if you're wanting to like break the sexual tension in a sexy way, don't fart.

I've learned that the hard way. I'm using my platform to educate others. Don't yuck people's yum, Jess. That's true. That's true. I think there's definitely a subsection of humanity out there who would just be absolutely loving. Well, I am yet to find that dream man.

Geez, I hate the phrase, yuck, you're yum. It's fun to say. Yeah, it's bad to hear. Yeah, it's bad to hear. Sorry, Dave. Well, I keep quietly so mad. Or I just sit out for a bit. And then I'll do it.

I'll do it very briefly. But this time, it's for real. I was going to stick. I'm giving myself, I'm only going to say things on topic from now on. Well, I'm trying to say that it's very, very tense in the JSA. But I promised you gardening and garden we shall. Yes. Inside the joint security area on either side,

there's all these checkpoints and observation posts so they can keep an eye on what the opposition is doing. Inside the JSA is also the so-called bridge of no return. What the fuck are you talking about? How amazing is that? Yeah, in my mind it's sort of like a bridge and there's a bottomless pit underneath it or something? I'm imagining it goes into a waterfall

and you don't know what's on the other side of that. That's cool. Well, starting at the end of the war until the late 70s, the bridge was used for prisoner exchanges. It's called the bridge of no return because before crossing, the prisoners were given an ultimatum. They could stay in the country where they'd been captured or return home to their own country,

but once they crossed, they could never come back, even if they changed their mind. Why would you want to go back to the place you'd been captured. Well, I think it was more often... Why wouldn't you want to go home? No, I think it was more often than not people would probably end up staying in South Korea.

I don't think many people ended up staying in the north. Gotcha. Okay. I love the idea that the people in the north have the same spielo. You better be sure about this. Yes, yeah, yeah, no, I am. So if you could just take off these handcuffs. But before you jump to any sort of conclusions here,

I need you to say 100% you want to go back knowing that you can't return once again. Yes, no, absolutely. Sorry, I think once again, you went a bit too quick. Could you just take a quick pause? Yep, yep. Okay. Okay, if you're going to go, which is fine, it's up to you, but if you do, you cannot come back.

Yes, that is what I would like to do, yes. Really, even after that pause to think. Really? We've got a booming movie industry over here. Got some sort of Godzilla thing going on. I mean, I was literally taken from my wife and children. I would like to go back, please. Okay.

It would go down the line. It's like a thousand people waiting. You'd only get through six a day. Are you sure? Are you sure? No, but are you, do you feel like you can't say you want to stay here because you can? Yeah, I mean, if you want to stay, you can. We won't tell your wife.

We won't tell her that you made this choice. No. She won't know, but you can stay here. Right, I did sort of forget about it the other way around. That does make sense that people would be like, if I could stay in South Korea, that'd be good. Thank you. Yes, please. Yeah, I imagine.

that a lot more stayed. But next to the bridge of no return was a tree. Of no return? A tree of no return. You climb that tree, you live in that tree. It's just like a community of people living in this tree. It's been bowing with the weight of like a hundred people. They all thought they could best the tree.

The entire Swiss family, Robinson, I'm just trapped up the tree. What's so special about this tree, Dave? Well, it was a 100 foot or 30 metre tall poplar tree. The branches of the tree blocked the line of sight between a United Nations command checkpoint and an observation post. So in summer, when the tree was in full bloom, it created a blind spot that the North Koreans could potentially exploit.

Okay. So there's all these guard towers, and basically they want to have view of 100% of the JSA just so nothing can happen without. them either seeing it, taking photos, or videoing it. But this tree, when it fully blooms in summer, it blocks out one of their checkpoints. So they can't see what's happening down there.

So the tree was technically inside the South Korean territory. So a team of US and South Korean men were ordered to prune it back. So they could get the line of sight back. On the first attempt, North Korea objected, claiming that any landscaping work required permission from both parties. It's the veggie patch all over again. Yeah. So they'll thwarted the first time, but they planned to have another crack anyway,

but then they were stopped by heavy rain. Which is what the North Koreans call heavy sun. Yes. It's wet sun. God, a sunny day out today, isn't it? Wow, so sunny. So on August 18th, 1976, United Nations Command and South Korean personnel were again sent to trim the poplar tree.

Third time lucky. Among the 11 men sent out, the aforementioned, Captain Arthur Boniface, who was in his early 30s and who had only three more days in Korea before being sent home to his family. So he's basically three days away from retirement. That hat was three days from retirement.

Also sent out was platoon leader, 25-year-old first lieutenant Mark Barrett, who on the other hand, who had only been in Korea for about a month. They started to prune the tree when North Korean soldiers approached, led by Pak Chul, a notorious North Korean lieutenant nicknamed Captain Bulldog.

Oh, great nickname. Yeah, dream nickname. And he did not start that one himself. No. Okay, Cobra. Oh, come on. Can you call me Captain Cobra? No.

That's so good. That sounds like a great nickname for someone else. Oh, come on. I've earned it. I've earned it. In what way? I've just been a badass like Pactchul So he was, yeah, the most notorious leader on the other side

Like a real, he was, Arthur Boniface was wanting to enforce the rules on his side Pactual was the one on the other side doing the exact same thing Being a real badass And you see yourself as a real badass Yes Okay Do you guys see that? Be honest

Oh, no Oh, God, no, no, no, no, sorry, I'm going to give you some time to think about that Oh, Dave. You have so many... Do you want to stay quality? So many great qualities. You are so good at so many things, honestly. And just, oh, I just adore you.

Just treasure you. Wow, thank you. This is so nice. So sure that anyone could beat you in a phone. Anyone. Even if you had a big stick. I know toddlers. I know toddlers that could give you a...

run for their money. I love the idea that when the captured South Koreans being sent home or asked if they want to stay, they have to butt it up the officer and be like, look, North Korean officer, you have many great qualities. Oh, my God. I don't want to stay here. It's so good in that uniform. It really isn't about you and your country.

I don't want to stay here. Honestly, you're the only thing that makes me hesitate, but then I don't hesitate. And I know I want to go back. Thank you. Fine. I'm not Captain Cobra. I get it. Whatever. I work my way out. Yeah, you get there. Officer Cobra to you, thank you.

So Captain Bulldog, Pact Chuls turned up, notorious North Korean lieutenant. Pack and his team watched in silence as the group on the other side carried out their treework for 15 minutes before suddenly ordering them to stop. Captain Boniface ignored Pact. Even when the threats started to come, Pactual said, the branches are cut will be of no use, just as you will be after you die. Great, great trash talk. That's great trash talk. He's saying even as compost, you've got no nutritional value to the earth.

Yeah. That's rough. But this is the kind of rivada that was thrown around all day along in the JSA. Why would Boniface listen now? They were constantly threatening each other. With death. Yeah, totally. You'll be useless when you're dead is like the,

the dumbest. The dumbest insult. Who's useful? Matt literally came out with the only one. That's like worm food. I think Operation Mintsmeat would disagree. Oh yes. One of my reports.

Okay, Dave, do go on. Some of the North Korean soldiers reportedly believed that their leader, the dictator Kimmel Sung, had quote, personally planted the poplar and nourished it and it's growing under his own supervision. He actually nourished it with his own breast milk. He let that little sapling supple at his teeth. Am I using the right terminology there?

Supple? Suckle. Suckle. I knew it wasn't quite right. It is suckle. I think you're right. This suppling s supple. So apparently some of them believed that their leader had planted this tree himself.

This is, after all, the country that reported his son, Kim Jong-il, scored as many as 11 hole in ones the first time he ever played golf. And he only played nine rounds. That is pretty amazing. So they think that this tree has been planted by their leader. Have they ever seen him come down and just water it? Oh, absolutely not. Yeah.

I mean, he's not going anywhere near that area. Exactly. Because it's probably not safe for him to do so. No, it's not. So we'll take it with a large green of salt, I reckon. No, I just think he didn't do that. I think he didn't plant that tree. That's what I reckon.

I think so too, but I think it's one of those things where before Pack took his men out, he's like, they're going to cut down that tree. Do you want to know who planted that tree? Our fearless leader, to try and rev them up a bit. Yeah. But anyone can plant a tree, you know? Like anyone can be a father, but not everyone is a dad. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, not everyone can breastfeed there. Thank you. I just watched Guardians of the Galaxy. And that's, that is in that. Who says that? That is so lame. Yeah, it's very lame. It's an action movie.

Of course it's lame. Does David Patista say that? Yes. I don't reckon he would. I have no idea. Is it the first one or the second one? Is it when the dad is actually a planet? Yes.

The dad is a planet. What are you talking about? And he's played by some cool actor. I forget who, but. Kurt Russell. What a man. No, he is cool. He's very cool.

God damn. And then the guy who actually raised Peter Quill said something really lame like, like, you know, he was your father, but I'm your daddy. Oh, he said I'm your daddy. I'm your daddy. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is even if he did plant this tree, did he tend to it?

Did he make sure it was okay in all weather? Did he check it for fungal gnats? Did he treat it for fungal gnats? for fungal gnats. I have fungal gnats in a couple of my plants at the moment. It's on the brain. There's gnats in my brain. You know?

So it's like if he's just abandoned this tree, it's no longer his tree, you know? I absolutely agree. But they do not, Jess. They do not. I would say this, Jess. Surely at some point you've just got to let the tree, you know, leave home and grow up and fend for itself. Otherwise. Exactly.

And this is a fully grown tree. You've moved out of home. Are your parents not still your parents? No. To show. What? Is that an option? Yeah, you can still call on that.

Oh my God. I've just been calling them my elderly friends. Oh, cool. Parents. I've got parents, everyone. Wow. Sorry to break. I've got parents.

So after being ignored, the Bulldog pack sent for reinforcements and nearly 30 North Korean soldiers soon appeared at the tree. Pack again told him to stop cutting, but again, Captain Boniface wasn't going to be intimidated. Boniface turned his back on the North Koreans, and they went back to pruning. Quoting from a great article in the Atlantic by Yuri Friedman here, describing what happened after Bonifas turned his back

on the North Korean reinforcements. Boniface, quote, did not see Lieutenant Pack remove his watch, wrap it in a handkerchief, stick it into the pocket of his trousers, John Singlap, the then Chief of Staff of the US Forces Korea later wrote. Nor did he see the other North Korean officer rolling up the sleeves of his jacket. An American non-commissioned officer strode forward to warn Captain Boniface.

At that moment, Lieutenant Pack screamed, kill! I've also read he yelled, kill the bastards. Whoa. And I'm not sure why he took his watch, put in a handkerchief in his pocket, I guess to make sure it didn't get damaged in the fight. but sure we'll get damage in your pocket if you get thrown around yeah it was protected by a handkerchief

oh yeah no that's fine then handkerchief is obviously notoriously very strong it's like a little airbag in your pocket so he yelled kill or kill the bastards either way the North Koreans attacked not with guns but with crowbars clubs and axes that they'd picked up from the ground left by the men cutting the tree because remember

not many people have guns in this area so they use other weapons Captain Boniface was pushed to the ground and the men's leader was bludgeoned to death in front of his other men. What the fuck? Yeah, they just clubbed him. Awful, awful stuff. Meanwhile, the other high-ranking officer of the group,

First Lieutenant Mark Barrett, jumped over a low wall and landed in a deep tree-filled depression, a little hole in the earth. The depression was not visible from the road because of the dense grass and small trees. The whole incident only lasted 20 to 30 seconds and not a single shot was fired. And you might be wondering why the United Nations Command didn't retaliate,

especially with their guns. And that's because soldiers were given strict orders that they could only fire their 45 pistols if they were being directly shot at or their lives were in direct danger or if firing would save someone else's life. If their comrade had already been killed, it was too late to engage the assailant. That was a strict rule. Wow. They also had to wait for orders to shoot and the man who would give that order

had just been quickly beaten to death. Wow. So they didn't draw their guns. As UNC forces dispersed the North Korean soldiers, they were able to place Boniface's body in the truck. But first Lieutenant Barrett was nowhere to be seen. That's the guy that jumped over the wall into the ditch. The UN forces, however, did observe some North Korean guards

acting very strangely, hanging about, and then walking into a ditch near the tree. When it was realized that Barrett was still missing a search and rescue squad was quickly dispatched and found that Barrett had been attacked in the ditch with an axe by the North Koreans, by multiple North Koreans. It's really very, very violent. Oh my God. He was recovered but died from his injuries on the way to the hospital. So two soldiers from the US have been murdered. Over a tree. Over a tree, yeah. And that's why it's called the axe incident because he was killed with an axe. Whoa. And shit was ready to hit the fan.

Sirens went off throughout the DMZ and troops were put on high alert. Word of the attack quickly reached military leaders on both sides. On the North Korean side, they were quick to paint the event as being down to US aggression. Their media report on the day of the event stated, quote, at around 10.45 a.m. today, the American imperialist aggressors sent in 14 hoodlums with axes into the JSA to cut the trees on their own accord, although such a work should have mutually been consented to beforehand. Four persons from our side went to the spot to warn them not to continue the work

without our consent. Against our persuasion, they attacked our guards on mass and committed a serious, provocative act of beating our men, wielding murderous weapons, and depending on the fact that they outnumbered us. Our guards could not but resort to self-defense measures under the circumstances of this reckless provocation. So they said that the US started at all. But it will say that there is video and photos of the event,

and that is not true. How's their video on photos? Because people... from the... Got the smartphones out. Yeah, yeah. No, they, from the checkpoint, not checkpoints,

the watchtowers, they had surveillance of them. Right. They took photos, yeah. Someone took a few camera rolls of photos of the event. You can't say everything,

but you can definitely see who starts it. Kim Jong-il, the son of the then leader, Kim Ilson, described the event to other leaders in Sri Lanka where he happened to be as being an unprovoked attack led by American officers.

So they very much painted it as if the US started it. So that's one side. Over in Washington, President Gerald Ford and Secretary of State Henry Kissinger were also analysing the event and planning their next move. Kisinger, of course, famous for winning the Nobel Prize in 1973,

but also probably more famous for dropping his glasses in a toilet that were later found by Homer Simpson. Hi, Homer. Do you like football? Do you like nachos? Well, why don't you come over? and have nachels while we watch football. Great bit.

I love Gerald Ford. That's all I really know about him. That bit. Do you remember the bit on The Simpsons with Henry Kissinger? I don't think so. Homer picks up his glasses on the toilet. And then he starts talking about triangles. And the guy's like, that's a right triangle, you idiot.

Do you remember that bit? I don't think I'd do that. Oh, it's so good. And then Henry Kissinger's speaking to Mr. Burns in his office. And Smithers is like, thanks, Mr. Kissinger. I hope your glasses will turn up and he goes, yes, I'm sure they will. And then it jumps into his mind and it says, he's speaking to himself, yes, no one must know that I, the man who drafted the Paris Accord,

lost his glasses in a toilet. So silly. Kissinger, that man, who would later lose his glasses, called for an attack on the North Korean barracks to ensure a, quote, high probability of getting the people who did this. They have killed two Americans. and if we do nothing, they will do it again, he told a briefing. We have to do something.

So he was looking for blood, proper retaliation. Within hours of the attack, Kissinger was also asking whether there were North Korean fishing boats that the United States could, quote, shoot up or capture. So he just wanted some sort of revenge. Probably fortunately, Kissinger was overruled, but everyone in the US agreed on one thing. The tree had to go. He was decided that they wanted to show strength against North Korea. It's all about bravado and not losing face in that part of the world.

But at the same time, they didn't want to further escalate events. But they do want to cut down the tree. Yeah, I'll take it out on the tree. These are beautiful big trees as well. Beautiful. I've just remembered where there's a, well, there used to be a cafe or a restaurant in Bright, where I visit a lot. We've got family out there in country, Victoria.

And there's a restaurant called Poplar. And that's because there's a lot of poplar trees in the area. They're just big, tall trees and in the autumn, they go this cool yellow color or the leaves do. It's one of those classic autumn autumnal trees. There you go. And you never knew that that's why we were called that. Yeah, no, I never connected that. Yeah.

Amazing. Well, if you've learned nothing else here today. I've learned what poplars is named after. A restaurant that may or may not still exist. The US also raised defence readiness levels to DefCon 3. Oh, I love that phrase. And the higher it goes, the more DefCon it becomes. That's right.

It's actually the opposite. What does DefCon mean? So DefCon means defence readiness condition and is graded from 1 to 5, 5 being most relaxed, one being actual nuclear war. Oh, I always thought like DefCon 5 was bad. But five's like, everyone chill. We're only a Defcom 5. Don't worry about it.

And this is actually the first time that had gone to DefCon 3 in that area of the world since the Armistice in that area of the world since the Armistice in 1953. So it was a big step all over this fucking tree. God, that's ridiculous. But honestly, don't even text me about a DefCon 5 in the middle of the night. I don't want to wake up, look at my phone, be like, are you fucking, you couldn't just hold me in the morning.

DefCon, I don't care. Here I was this whole time thinking that was serious. We've gone to Defcom 5. That's actually great. Awesome. If I've learned anything today, it's the order of Defcons. Thank you Dave. What about that popular restaurant in Brought?

Was that? How dare you? I was not listening. Oh no. The SaaS twins have turned on themselves. No, no, no, no, no. We have to maintain, okay? We are not the enemy.

Dave is. I'm just looking up DefCon 5 for you. I was just double-checking. I hadn't fucked it up. And I haven't because according to Aerspacemag.com, apparently screenwriters often get the scale wrong. So that's probably why you're thinking that, Jess. Oh.

Yeah, number one is imminent war or actual nuclear war. Number five is peacetime. So when they say DefCon 5, that's great. So it's like it's DefCon 5 now. Yeah. Probably depending on where you are. Yes. In Australia, we're at 5.

I was even talking even smaller in my house. Everything's fine here. Sorry to brag. Everything's all good. I wanted DefCon 3 in my bathroom after that burrito I ate last night. I love watching Matt in those moments because he laughs, but he also hates it. He's like, oh no. He's like, I hate these fuckers that I work with.

I mean, I said I did ask you to shit on my tree before. But if I'm in control of it, I'm okay. But when other people are doing it. In control of the shit or the joke? The shit, shit talk. Oh, right. I was going to say, because you are not in control of just shitting on your tree. But he asked me to do it.

All right. I'm probably just going to shit in a bag and bring it over. I don't know if I'm going to go to Matt's house and just be like, sorry to interrupt. I'm just, don't mind me. Just fertilizing the tomato tree. Get these little bloody blossoms blooming. Yeah. Oh, you've got some tomatoes and your little mixed salad there.

They from the tree? You're welcome. I'm just here to ruin dinner. Well, so it's all right, DefCon 3. which is medium. It's still not good. You don't want to get to Defon 3. After three days of planning, a new operation was put into action.

The plan was called Operation Paul Bunyan. Do you know who Paul Bunyan is? I think, no. I was going to make a Paul Blart mall cop. Yeah, he's the mall cop, isn't he? And I was like, just shut up, Jess. Just answer Dave's question. He's trying to do a report.

No, I don't know. I don't know who Paul Bunyan's. Paul Bunyan Mallcop Onion Shop owner. Well, I also didn't really know, but he's named after Paul Bunyan, a giant lumberjack in folk hero in American and Canadian folklore. Typically wears a big red lumberjacket and he's very big. He's a giant man, something to do with a blue ox. I reckon you're definitely nailing why this guy's important to America and Canada. He's real big and he wears a jacket.

Well, when I looked it up, I was like, oh, I recognize the image of it. If you look him up, you go, oh, yeah. Just a classic looking sort of. of lumberjack guy. And there's all these stories about him. And he's accompanied by Babe the Blue Ox. Okay. Oh, yeah, okay.

So I'm sure they all know who he is. So that's why it's called Operation Paul Bunyan because they're going to chop the fuck out of this tree. Okay, sure, that makes sense. So the plan was to cut down the tree, but to do so with a massive display of force. But they weren't exactly sure how the North Koreans would respond. It would need to be a delicate blend of showing force,

but also not too much to kick off a full. scale war. It was a very precarious situation. This is how Korean historian Van Jackson describes the US attitude at the time. Quote, the idea was that if the North Koreans want to retaliate against the show of force, then we'll light them up. But otherwise, let's keep in mind a sense of proportionality. So they're prepared to, if they want to kick something off, we're not going to stop it, but we would prefer if they didn't. We'll fuck shit up, but we're not starting. So they're not feeling like they need to retaliate over the brutally murdered soldiers. Well, that's the mindset of the leaders.

The soldiers, on the other hand, two of theirs had been brutally beaten to death. So some of them wanted swift revenge. The leaders are trying to let cool heads prevail, but at the same time not look like that they're whistling out. Yeah. Completely. To quote from the BBC again, this really shows the mindset of the Americans. Wayne Johnson was a 19-year-old U.S. private with a 2nd Battalion 9th Infantry.

stationed at Camp Liberty Bell just outside the JSA. He drove his commanding officer to a briefing the night before the tree cutting operation and saw a lieutenant ask, what would happen to his unit? Quote, I watched the officer turn around with his piece of chalk and draw an X through our unit designation on the chalkboard. Then he turned back and said, any more questions? Wait, treasure? There's treasure here? Whoa.

We should dig for treasure? Why are we doing it? Why are we mucking around with this war stuff? let's get the treasure. So he's saying they would be taken out. Yeah, he's basically saying, you're not coming back tomorrow, mate. Right.

Which is so brutal to say. Yeah. I reckon that's the most brutal use of chalk I've ever heard of. Since buddy Miss Xavier in grade four. Don't start about Miss Xavier. She's the one who told me Santa's not real. Haven't forgiven her. Oh, I know.

Oh, you know. I know who Miss Xavier is. We don't say. And she wrote it on the board in chalk. Santa is dead. They didn't have white boards back in those days. They didn't. That's true.

Did she just write the word Santa and then just put a big X through it and then turn to the crowd? Any questions? Oh, Dave, I love how much you're in show business that a classroom of kids is a crowd to you. I know. Fuck now. What a wanker. What a wanker. Dave, no.

What great self-awareness. Yes. Yes, you are a wanker. Embrace it. So I sent an email to some of my colleagues, aka the crowd from work yesterday. Oh, Dave, you just go out there and be the best wanker you can be. Thank you.

Thank you. That's the right attitude. Another one of the company said, quote, we were prepared not to come back. It felt kind of surreal. We've been here since 1950, and it's all going to go down over this tree, end quote. So they were thinking it was a bit silly.

As the United States dispatched an aircraft carrier to Korean waters and moved nuclear and conventional artillery and missiles to concrete bunkers, North Korea shifted to full combat readiness, conducted civilian air raid exercises, and evacuated top North Korean officials in Pyongyang to fortified tunnels. So they were both preparing for full-scale war. And this is still DeathCon 4? Def-Con 3.

Deathcon 3. sorry. But all that still is in three. Two is probably when shots have been fired or something, is it? Yeah, if it gets worse, yeah. If it actually, if shots were fired, number two, and if once the nuclear war started, you're at Defcom 1, baby. And DefCon 0 is when all life on Earth has been wiped out. Yeah, that's right. You really don't want to get there. I keep saying DeathCon. But it's DefCon, isn't it? DefCon.

Yeah. John Singlaub, the then chief of, staff of the US forces in Korea said, quote, it was my estimate, shared by many of the staff, that the operation stood at 50-50 chance of starting a war. In less than an hour, several hundred thousand men might very well be fighting and dying in those steep blood-soaked mountains. If the murderous North Korean assault on our forces had been part of an elaborate plot to trigger an American military response, which in turn would provoke a North Korean invasion, we might be teetering on the brink of a Holocaust.

If North Korea unleashed a massive armate assault against Seoul, we would have no choice but to request authorization for the first use of nuclear weapons since World War II. But there was no backing down now. Shit. What the fuck? So they're having these full-scale meetings about how World War III basically is about to fucking kick off.

Oh my God. Jess, I know about you. I'm nervous. Is World War III about to kick off? Oh, my God. I really thought I would have heard about this, but... But... But, I mean, I'm pretty stupid.

And I don't always read the newspaper. So I might have missed this day. So we could have missed World War III. Yeah. Were you reading the newspaper in 1976, late August? Yeah. I mean, I don't know, Dave. And I do remember on the Simpsons that Hugh Grant rubbed in the Homer

that Britain saved America's ass in World War III. I do remember that. Well, that's true. Geez, I noticed, so on the Patreon group, this is for listeners, there we have someone who audits our Simpsons references, and it had been quite last few weeks. I think I'm starting to overcorrect today. I think you've done a great job.

Thank you so much. But now shut the fuck up about the Simpsonsons. Well, Wayne Johnson, the teenager I mentioned earlier, who saw an X on the chalkboard, was tasked with rigging the US side of the base with explosives. So if North Koreans captured the building, they would just blow up the whole thing. They also secured the bridge of no return, hoping to stop North Korean reinforcements from entering the JSA.

That bridge was also wired with explosives and the massive gun of a tank was aimed at the bridge should the need arise to quickly destroy it. Just aimed a tank at it. Yeah. There we go. That should sort that. On August 21st, 1976 at 7am, three days after the killings, two eight men teams of engineers were driven to the tree by a. truck.

That's 16 people. Hold on. Yes, you're right. You are absolutely right. Yes. I'm getting good at math to you guys. I reckon that... Have we improved your math level, do you reckon?

Yes. Thank you. These 16 men were armed with giant chainsaws. I read that some of them had spent all night practicing how to use them. Oh, my God. Which is... All right. Well, you should probably just get someone that knows.

out of use a chainsaw. I love the idea of a teen movie montage, you know. They're all in their PJs overnight in the same sorority room and they're practicing chainsawing together, helping each other. Somebody sort of doesn't quite do it right and they cut off one of their friend's arms and they're looking at their arm like, ha! But then they sort of all go, you know, it's all a bit of fun. It's so fun.

So I should say 15. men were sent to the tree because one was left behind after losing a limb back at the sorority camp. Jeff would like that and not a bit of around a number there. Yeah, I'm okay with that. Actually, 16's my favorite number, so... 16's my favourite number. You two are... So cute. And Jess, so full of contradictions. Yeah. Isn't that great?

You're complicated. I love it. It's, it's, I'm exciting. You know? Never a dull day. Can't keep up with you. What's she going to be mad about today? Who knows? thrilling. You might be wondering why they're using chainsaws.

Well, it had been suggested that they take out the tree with heavier equipment. For example, they could just blow it up. Or just, you know, take it out with other heavier equipment, bulldozers, etc. But officers feared it would be too difficult to speedily get them out of there if the North Koreans tried to intervene. So to make evacuation a quick possibility, they cut it down by hand. Oh, like karate chopping it? Hayya, ha!

It took six weeks. Fuck, that's still very good. No, still pretty good, right? That's amazing. Well, the backup they had was as if they were already at war. These teams were accompanied by two 30-man security platoons from the Joint Security Force who were armed with pistols and axe handles. They were also accompanied.

Axe handles. Axe handles, yeah. They love big sticks. Not axes. Just the handles of axes. Yeah, I think sort of they often would carry around it. of club-like things. That's, okay.

That's so fucking weird. They were also accompanied by a 64-man task force of the South Korean First Special Forces Brigade, basically their commandos. And these guys were armed with clubs and were also trained in Taekwondo. So they could have been karate chopping the tree. Well, Taekwondo chopping.

Yeah, okay. All right, fine. Yeah, okay. And as someone who got to Red Belt in Taekwondo. I feel I could have been pretty helpful. So these men were also supposed to be unarmed. They're just using their lethal fists and clubs. However, once they parked their trucks near the bridge of no return,

they started throwing out the sandbags that lined the truck bottoms and handing out M16 rifles and M79 grenade launches that had been hidden in the truck. So they just wanted to look unarmed. Really, they were very heavily armed. On the way in, you know, you get checked at the checkpoint. You're like, yeah, no, I've got no guns. We're all good. You know, we're just...

Just got a club. We're the Taekwondo experts. They're like, oh, of course, no worries. You don't need weapons. And then they just start pulling out rocket launches. Yeah, I just sort of figure when push comes to shove, I'm just going to club this guy to death. Oh, yeah, great, carry on.

It's like a car full of people going to a music festival. So you got any grog? No, no, no, no, no. Don't check the spare tire. Don't open that watermelon. All that loaf of. of bread. They checked the watermelon and it's got a grenade launcher inside.

But the spare tire is full of cans. Yeah, no, that is definitely water in that bottle. Not a pistol. Yeah. Not an AK-47. Several of the commanders also had M-18 Claymore mines strapped to their chests and were holding the detonators in their hands. No.

They were shouting at the North Koreans to cross the bridge, goading them. And then what? they give them a hug and blow themselves up? I don't really know because the idea, I think the idea is that they're holding sort of dead man triggers. So if they get shot, then they'll explode. But also, if you're nowhere near them, it doesn't really matter, does it? Yeah.

If you've shot them from any distance. You'll just blow up the guy next to you. Yeah, that's a much blog. One of your teammates. I mean, I know war's not a sport. Yeah. They're probably not teammates, are they? Everything to Dave is a show.

Everything to me is a game. Yeah, you'll blow up one of your fellow crowd members if you take one of your fellow ticket holders. Oh, no, not the punter next to me. Oh, no. So there were 20 utility helicopters and seven cobra or cobra attack helicopters circling behind them as they cut the trees. B-52 bombers flew overhead. It's also suspected that other planes carrying nuclear bombs were also flying above

them. And in case it all did kick off, 12,000 additional troops had been ordered to Korea. So it's like a full-on war to cut down this tree. Far out. As the operation began, North Korean troops, approximately 200, arrived in buses and began setting up machine guns and assault rifles. They watched as the tree began to fall. The chainsaw cut through, or chainsaws cut through each of the three main tree trunks of the tree, and the U.S. soldiers cheered as each of them hit the ground.

And the North Koreans watching on did nothing. For 42 minutes, they watched on as the engineers cut down the tree. This was three minutes faster than the mission had been estimated to take. They purposefully, this is the US guys, left the six metre or 20 foot tall tree stump, and after their mission was over, the US and South Korean soldiers quickly withdrew. So thankfully, full-scale war was avoided. But the incident did raise tension in the DMZ. at Camp Liberty Bell, Liberty Bell,

one, Liberty Bell, two Liberty Bells, Cowbound Liberty Bell, a chair, I mean, woo, three Libby Bells. So troops at Camp Liberty Bell, and the JSA stayed on high alert after the operation in case of retaliation. It was weeks before the men could return to their regular routine. Within hours of the tree being felled,

North Korea's leader Kim Il-Sung conveyed regret for the killing of Boniface and Barrett, he didn't fully apologize, but even this was seen as very unusual for the usually steadfast dictator. So the US felt that their display of force had achieved its intended effect. So even the dictator who never had a nice word to say about the side, even he was like, that shouldn't have happened. Almost an apology. I'm suspicious, though.

The incident also changed the JSA for good. Within days, after several rounds of talks, North Korea removed its guard posts from the southern side of the joint security area. And from that point on, the two sides have been separated by the military demarcation line that runs through the middle. And it's still like that to this day. So instead of mingling now, there is a line down the middle and you can only look at each other. And they stand off face to face?

Is that true? Or is it like that full on? People standing either side of the line? It's pretty close, yeah. Wow. No way. And it's like that to this day. In April 2018, Kim Maw-sung's grandson and current North Korea,

leader, Kim Jong-un, made worldwide headlines when he stepped over the concrete dividing line to meet South Korean President Moon Jae-in. Amazingly, decades earlier, Moon had been serving in the South Korean army and was involved in Operation Paul Bunyan. No. So that's pretty crazy. That's wild. So basically, if North Korea wanted to, they could have seen the cutting down of the tree.

That could have, as far as the South New York. that could have kicked off a war and they just rolled the dice on it. Basically, absolutely right. Oh my God. It must have felt like a real anti-climax. They were ready for war and the adrenaline's pumping and then nothing happens and they just get to go back home. I reckon one of the better anti-climaxes you could get though.

Yes, I wouldn't be complaining but I'd be very confused. That's why I was like, surely something's going to happen. But it just nothing did. No, thankfully war was avoided. Wow. The JSA also changed for the soldiers. Bill Ferguson, the 18-year-old who I mentioned at the start of the report, is quoted in the Atlantic.

He said, The joint security area wasn't anywhere near as fun and exciting after the military demarcation line was poured. Things still have the potential to explode, but it was like riding the huge rollercoaster at your favourite amusement park, only to return and learn that the ride is closed and you get stuck with the little kids roller coaster. Oh, the giant drop, yeah.

Beautiful analogy, yes. War in so many ways is like your favourite roller coaster, being closed for maintenance. What? I know. As for the tree that nearly started nuclear war and possibly World War III, well today the stump has been removed and replaced by a small memorial to the slain soldiers, Arthur Boniface and Mark Barrett. But the tree lives on. US soldier Mike Bilbo recalls,

one day I went out and sawed a couple of pieces off the branch. everybody's got a piece of that damn tree. Wow. That's interesting. It's the kind of tree that you can take a branch and plant it or whatever. No, I think that everyone just took it like a souvenir piece of like... Oh, dead wood. We risked our lives for this to cut down this tree.

So we've all got a little souvenir and keepsake. Because there are trees like, I remember when we moved as kids, my dad took a cutting off this big weeping willow in our backyard when we're living in the country. And he took it to our next place when we were kind of Charlton. and he grew a second weeping wheeler in the backyard of our Charlton house. That's cool. And I've been back, they're both still there, which is kind of cool. That's awesome.

Yeah, so it's weird. I don't understand how you can do that with some trees. Take a cutting and, but I'm not a horticulturalist. That's probably why. Not yet. Not yet. But you're getting a tomato plan today. That's true.

Start shitting. Yeah. Start saving up them poops. I have to save them. I should say, I need jest to it because I don't poop. A gentleman never poops. Yeah, but a lady sure does.

A lady shit, a gentleman never poops. Well, with that note, that is the end of the North Korean or the Korean axe murder incident. Fascinating. Chapter. That is one of those stories and they come up pretty regularly on this show where I'm like, how did I not know about that? Yeah, I've never heard of that. Yeah. And it's a wild and fascinating story.

And you think that if, you know, only a couple of other little tiny things had to change for basically to change the course of human history from that point on. Yeah. That is wild. Great. That is full on. Great work, Dave. You know, we're talking about before about jokes that people say,

why didn't you say this joke? And we get a few messages like that every week. I don't know. I should say this to you off air. I'm going to guess one that comes up. I don't know. I'll tell you later. Oh, that's exciting.

I'm like, I bet you someone says, what did you make this joke? Okay. Now you're inviting even more of those. Yeah, now you're inviting people to try and figure out what the joke is. Oh, no. That's true. Is that fun or not? Well, we just said we get a lot of those messages

and now we're definitely going to get even more. I'm up for encouraging it. Whatever. Address them to me. All right. All right. I'm up for those people to start their own podcasts. And then I'll heckle from the sidelines. Why don't you say this?

Well, that has nothing to do with anything. Well, you should have said. Don't you mean you'll heckle from the crowd? Sorry, the sidelines, that's a matte thing. I'll heckle from the dugout or whatever he says. I'll suckle from the... That's another thing again. I'll suckle from Kim Jong-un's teat.

His supple teeth. All right, well, that brings us to everyone's favorite section in the show where we get to thank a few patrons, and they get to give us a little bit of information in a section of the show I like to call fact, quote or question with a jingle that goes little something like this. Fact quote or question.

Ding! Ah, he always remembers the ding. Another Simpsons reference. And the way to get involved in this is if you go to patreon.com slash dogo on pod, or if you can follow the links via dogoonpod.com and you support us on the Sydney-Sharnberg level or above. You can get involved and give us a factor quota of question as well as a bunch of other

rewards on all sorts levels. The $2 level, you get to vote on a topic every three weeks. And then there's levels up and up. And as you go up, you get more things. Shout-out level, then there's the level where you get three bonus episodes per month. So far this month We've already done one Which was a quiz night

Where I quizzed Dave and Jess Much like a pub trivia kind of quiz Where you can play along at home A lot of fun that one I really enjoyed it Yeah it's like an hour and a half Quisen episode

And then we do Yeah three rounds of good times I'd call it Oh yeah There was a lot of good times there Brandon Fraser show What's the Brandon Fraser film We've got coming up this month

If anyone wants to watch it ahead of time It's the one with Something Sweetheart? But it's got Donald Sutherland. One of the Sutherland's in it. So look that up. It's the one that comes after 20 bucks or $20. Anyway, we're paying a lot of attention to the great work of Brenda Fraser.

We're all just hanging out for the mummy. But honestly, we still have a good time, even though we watch the films that aren't probably his most famous movies so far. I'm hanging out for Georgia the Jungle. That's got to be coming up soon. Watch out for that. Next year, sometimes. So anyway, on the Sydney-Shineberg level, we get to give us a fact of quote or a question this week.

First up, we got Justin McCain, Mr. Justin McCain, Palaisa-Saint-Hillic game. And he's giving himself the title, which is quite long. What is he written here? So I had this whole bit I was doing about impersonating royalty and doctors. Then I was in prison and it was going to be a triptitch of titles, but I lost interest. So I guess I'll just be the official mailman of the podcast. Okay.

Thank you for walking us through your process. I love to hear a process. Thank you so much, Justin McCain. He's one of our longest serving patrons, I reckon, especially on the Sydney-Shonberg level. And Mr. Justin McCain is asking us a question this week. And the question is, can I guilt you all into coming to the US on tour as part of an invite to my COVID-delayed celebration of me and my wife's wedding next July?

Oh, Justin, I wish. I mean, I think you're being hopeful that Australians would be allowed into America by next July. Yeah, right now, Melbourneians can't leave our houses. It's very hard to get to America because it's not within our five-kilometer bubble. Yeah, I can't see my mum who lives 14 kilometres away. But I would love, if I'm in the neighbourhood, I would definitely come to your wedding, Justin McCain. Me too. That would be fun. Of course.

Next July might be hard. If you could put it back another year, we might start. being a bit more realistic, hopefully. Yeah. But at the same time, I have absolutely no idea. Hopefully a vaccine just comes out tomorrow. How good would that be? Wow.

That was so good. Everything and we just go, oh, that was a weird little bit of time, wasn't it? Yeah. Everything's entirely normal again now. Hopefully people listening to this in a couple of years being like, they didn't know that the vaccine was going to come and make everything normal. It actually made everything better. There was a side effect of the vaccine that made everyone cool.

And everyone's dick's got bigger. Oh, yeah. I don't have a lot of room to grow. I'm going to need new pants. I don't know why I invited that, but here we are. Honestly, it would be a welcome relief. Thank you so much for that question, Justin. Great question.

So nice to be invited and hopefully we can make that happen. Katie Murphy is also on the fact quote or question section. And Katie's given herself the title, podcast head of ethnomusicology. About time we had that position filled. Oh, I've advertised that for months now. So good to have someone qualified. And Katie Murphy, you were the right person for the job.

Well done. And Katie's given us a quote. And here it is. In a 2015 conference, Stephen Hawking was asked, What do you think is the cosmological effect of Zane leaving one direction and breaking the hearts of millions of teenage girls across the world. After a pregnant pause, he replied,

finally, a question about something important. My advice to any heartbroken young girl is to pay close attention to the study of theoretical physics because one day there may well be proof of multiple universes. It would not then be beyond the realms of possibility that somewhere outside of our own universe lies a different universe. And in that universe, Zane is still in one direction. That's awesome.

One can only hope that that happens. That's a great quote, if a real quote. I don't know why I'm so doubtful of that. I'm like, I didn't realize that Stephen Hawking was such a funny man. That's good stuff. That's good gear. That's great. Thank you so much, Katie.

Thanks, Katie. Thank you for filling the podcast head of ethnomusicology role. Yeah, finally. Welcome aboard. Also, we're. would love to thank Paul Jacob, who's given himself the title of Comptroller of Cheeziest Cheese Snacks and Meals. Oh, very important. Dave, your favourite. The cheesier the better, my friend. Oh, this is great. We've got a factor quote and a question this week because Paul has given us a

fact. And the fact is Grand Rapids, Michigan is home to one of Nina Akumu's 24 foot tall version of Leonardo's horse. The other located is in some city called Milan. Not as tall as the Kelpies, which is what we went and saw, I think, in Scotland, more accessible than Turkmenistan and nowhere near as scary as Blusifer, surrounded by which we talk, all these references to big horses. I forget how horse heavy this show can be. Plus the other horse episode that we probably won't mention it this time. No, not in this time slot.

It's surrounded by a beautiful botanical garden And during the post-pandemic world, it's a worthwhile stop on your three-month road trip across the US Grand Rapids is also home of 46 breweries Whoa! It's a lot of breweries. In one, is Grand Rapids a city or a... Must be a region, maybe.

That's a lot of breweries. Second largest city in Michigan, I'm looking up. And it's got 46 breweries. Huge of true. That's crazy. six sideries and nine distilleries. Summer for everybody. A siderie.

And more meateries. Dave, something for you. I know you're an old Viking. I was hoping for a milkshakeery, but okay. And it's been, it's got the nickname Beer City by the USA Today. You can find Beer City Ale Trail Maps online. Also, sorry for breaking the doctor of podcast tier. Oh, you didn't break it poor.

No, you didn't not break it at all, Paul. Thank you so much for that fact. We revamped the Doctor of Podcasts here recently. I don't know if we've mentioned that on the show, but that was not anything to do with Paul. That was just because the long-term things on there had not been, no one had been taking their rewards on the Doctor of Podcasts here, which included having a beer with me online.

I'd sort of briefly talked with a few people about it, but it was just, it never quite happened. It was the time difference. Time differences. And then one of the guys worked FIFO. And like, so he was away for four weeks. And he's like, and then, you know, it's just never lined up quite right. So we've changed it now.

So if you're on the doctorate podcast here, we do a video message to you every month. And you can ask us questions to answer or whatever. And we do a personalized video back to you, which Jess emails out. So if anyone's keen on that, yeah. That is one of the, that's like top echelon. You also get to give a fact quote or question. You get it all on that level. Yeah.

Thank you so much, Paul, for that fact. And finally, from Wes Pakala. Wes writes a question. Oh, sorry, and he's given himself the title of Vice President of the Do Go on drinking team. Wes, if you're anywhere near Grand Rapids, maybe you could go there and do some work for us. Yeah, a bit of research.

Your question, Wes, is, if or always, when you three are able to do a North American tour, which cities would you most like to see or perform? Isn't that amazing? Three of the four questions have been American tour related. I feel like it hasn't been mentioned in a while because of current world events, but that's awesome. Yeah, I still dream of it.

But yeah, it does feel like it's not in the near future, as I'm imagining most people would probably be aware of. And probably, I mean, maybe not even in the not too distant future. Might just, you know. So cities I'd love to go to. I mean, I've been to a few that I'd love to return to. And then there's other ones. I've only been to Austin in Texas.

I'd love to see a bit more of Texas. Oh, I've been watching this show. I've been watching a lot of this house channel. Jess, I don't know if you watch Nine Life much. It's the channel I've watched the most in lockdown. And it's just all day long, either reality shows or house renovation shows and stuff. I don't know.

It's a lockdowns affect him in weird ways. But there's this one show called hometown and it's set in, say, Mississippi, in this little town there. And it's a husband and wife. And they fix up these old houses. It's just a real, like, it's, what do you call? Like, just like feel good sort of TV where they make a house over and make it look real cool.

And they're all old, cool houses anyway. And yeah, so whatever, it's called like, Lorraine, Mississippi or something. I wonder if we can... There's almost no chance we can, but I'd love to swing by there at some point. Obviously, Dave, you want to get to Vermont to try a whoopee. A creamy.

A creamy, sorry. Got to get up to get a creamy. I'm keen to perform in New York City, baby. Oh, yeah, that'd be cool. Definitely. That's... I really want to get there. Comedy mecca.

I'm trying to think of... There's a bunch of places I want to go. you know, Chicago. Oh, the windy city. Seattle. I've never been to Chicago. Obviously, Gary goes without saying I want to get to the steel yard. Of course, Gary, Indiana, yes.

See the bloody South Shore railcats in action. I wonder if they're, I mean, they haven't been in contact with them for a while, but I wonder if the offer of me being able to throw the first pitch at a game. Oh, I'm sure that stands. I'm sure it always stands. That's a lifelong invitation, right? Surely. You can't put like a time limit on invitations. Yeah, there's a bunch. I'd love to do the little road trip

up or down the west coast as part of it. Oh, that'd be cool. The drive the Golden Mile from Pittsburgh to Gary, Indiana, taking in, of course, Ohio, America's greatest state. Is Dollywood on your list, Bob? I was literally just looking up Dollywood. Yes. Absolutely.

Up in the Knoxville, Smoky Mountains. Knoxville? Knoxville. That's all the Whigsphere is. Is it? Well, I also want to see the Wigsphere, of course, as well. Definitely. Yeah.

Yeah. So, I mean, yeah, so many places. I mean, I've just added Grand Rapids on the list, for sure. Yep. It's honestly, I think at this stage, the list being the length that it is we just have to move. Yeah. Yeah.

We need to start a new list. Places we don't want to go. There's nothing on it. That's easier. Yeah. Yeah, I want to see it all. Great question. Thanks, Wes.

Well, that brings us to our next favorite part of the show, which is where we get to thank a few more patrons. Jess normally comes up with the game. I want to put to you a suggestion this week, Bob. Okay, I'm open to this. Obviously, you got the final call, but I love some of the nicknames today. Was it Captain Cobra?

No, that's Dave. What was it? It was Captain Bulldog. Yeah, we had a bulldog, we had mad dog. Yeah. And also there was a soldier called Wayne Johnson. And in Johnson and in the AFL back in the day, there was a Wayne Johnson. His nickname was The Dominator.

I'm just, I was just thinking of The Rock the whole time. Oh, Wayne the Rock Johnson. Oh, yeah. That's that funny. We think we like different sports. I love the sport of acting. So I was thinking, maybe we could give them all a badass nickname.

Okay, yeah, that sounds much nicer than what I had thought of. See, let's do that. What, we're going to blow them up. What, yeah, what they started a war over. Oh, that's actually... But in mine, nobody was beaten to death. No, that's very good as well. That's pretty good.

Dave, you decide then. Fasting vote. Well, we can just do it quickly. We give them nickname and what they started a war over. All right, yeah, yeah. That sounds good. If I can kick it off. off, I'd love to thank from Stanwood in Washington in the United States, Bailey Wicks.

Bailey Wicks. I mean, right for a nickname there, Wicks. Incredible. Got to be the candle or. Yeah. Wicker man. Oh, Wicker man. Wicker man.

What about, let's call him Cage. Oh, yeah. Nicholas Cage or the basket case. Wicker Basket. Basket. The basket. What a nickname. Oh, no.

the basket. Oh, no. That's a badass nickname. A lot of options there for Bailey Wicks, who started a war over a missing light globe. Yeah. Someone took one off the front porch. How am I supposed to light up my porch now?

No, the security lights gone. Great. Oh, come on. I was going to go put something in the bin. And they're like one of those globes that are kind of hard to find. Yeah, you've got to go to a proper store to get them, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. some like specialist hardware stores will stock it,

but your big chains sometimes don't even have it. So it's actually quite a noise. This is very inconvenient. If you, if I'm not mad, whoever took the Globe, if you could return it, no questions asked. Yeah, I just want the Globe bag. Thank you so much, Bailey. I'd also like to thank from Hoppers Crossing in Victoria, Australia,

Jess Gleason. Yes, Gleason. Okay. The principal at my high school was Gleason, and we just called her Gleasonator. Oh, Gleasonator. Which isn't great. What about like just, it's an option for you, Jeff?

What about the principal? Oh, yeah, the principle is pretty good. Sounds badass. Yeah. Okay. If I'd ever seen Glee, I'd suggest one of the character names. And not any badass names in Glee? Um, I don't.

No. The singer. The watered down cover version. The sometimes inappropriate cover version. I think not. I think the principal is great. Jess, the principal, Gleason. That's awesome.

And what did Jess start a war over? Started the war over some graffiti in the toilets that said something that she did not agree with. Yep. Like an opinion that she's like, I don't agree with that. Yeah, and the opinion was, call me if you're horny. She was like, I don't agree with that. I prefer to be texted. Come on.

Stop that. Stop that. Let's cut that out. Start a war over this. Cut it out. Thank you, Jess Gleason, the principal. So we got Bailey, the basket. Do we finish on basket?

The basket's good. I like it. Jess, the principal Gleason. And finally for me, I'd love to thank from Kaleen in the Australian capital territory, Benjamin Martin. My dad's name is Martin. So how about Dad? I was going to say that Martian.

Oh, Martian's good. What about? Space man. Yeah, that's good. Space man, dad. Space dad. Space dad. Space dad. Space father. Darth Vader. He's the father. Just Vader. Just Vader. It's good how we get there.

Vader. I like it. Benjamin Vader Martin. That's good. Benjamin Vader Martin. What did he start a war over? Somebody took his favorite pen off his desk. Oh, God. God. That's annoying. Yeah. It's like one. Yeah, one of those ones that he finally found one that just writes perfectly for him. And also it was given to him by a dead relative. So it's also sentimental. You're taking a life in your own hands when you steal a pen off Benjamin Vader-Martin. That's right.

That's right. You won't live to tell the tale. I reckon that war... I'm going to kill you. That war was ended very quickly with a backdown and a swift apology from the pen thief. That's right. That's how all wars should end. They put the pen back with a chalky on his desk.

Yeah. And he quit. He also quit the office. Whoever stole the panties out. I'm moving to another town. Deal? Sorry. Can I thank a few names here, please?

That would be so nice. Please. I would like to thank from Austria, our official quiz writer for the podcast. We've done one of his quizzes on Patreon. It is Thomas Doppler writer. Thomas. I mean, the quiz master is the obvious one. What about the Quizler?

Oh, the Quizler. I like that. Like the Redler sort of idea? Yeah. I like it. The Quizmaster. Sounds like a snack. Hmm.

Yeah. Could you just grab me a bag of Quizlers? I'm a bit peckish. I'm going to the shops. Do you want some Quizlers? What flavor Quizlers do you want, Matt, when I go to the shops? Could I get cheesy quizlers? Oh, yum.

Yeah. Dave, what about you? What flavor quizlers you want? Chicken for me, please. Okay, great. I'm getting salt and vinegar. Oh, that's good. None of us have to fight over Quizlers.

Yeah. But actually, I'm probably going to eat some of yours if that's Don't you fucking dare. They are my quizzes. You said you wanted cheesy, so you eat your fucking cheesy. Well, you haven't gone yet. Can you just get two bags of salt and vinegar? Oh, okay.

So I'm made of money, am I? Quisler's also incredibly expensive. We've started a war over Quizler's here, but Thomas Dopper writer, he started a war when someone outbid him on something on eBay. At the last second, he thought he had it for three days, and then so on five seconds before the item finished, bang, got in there.

They use one of those cheat apps. Yeah, those pricks. Those pricks. And what, they like outbid him by, you know, 10 cents or something. Oh, come on. Oh, come on. You. Fuck you.

No, fuck you. That sucks. No, fuck you. They'll rue the day. They'll rue the day. They crossed the Quisler. That's how it started. Someone said, fuck you.

And he said, no, fuck you. And then it was a wall. It was a wall. Yeah. Then here we are. Wow. an absolute pleasure. I would like to thank also from Sydney, Ohio. Ohio. I would like to thank Steve Kayser.

Oh, Steve Kayser, from God's country itself. Ohio, the big O, hey? I can't believe that I'm sort of indirectly talking right now to Ohio. Wow. What about the big O, we call him Roy? It's in the big O'Roy, Orsson. Somebody's, no, I thought it was Chris Isaac. I was about to see. Well, he's actually... He's sort of a bit of... He's the big O light. He's the little O.

Chris the little O Isaac. He's a lower K-O. Actually, the war started when someone told him that they thought Chris Isaac was more talented than Royal Orbison. And it kicked off. I heard recently on this podcast I've been listening to you talking heads to my talking head, and they were talking about the travel in Wilburys

and how everyone in the band was most excited. It's like a band of absolute superstars. But inside the band, everyone was like, can you believe we're in a band with Roy Orbison? Really? There's Bob Dylan, George Harrison, Tom Petty, and they're all in awe of the Big O. That was an interesting. That's nice. That is awesome.

Is that like you guys being in a podcast with me? Yep. Yeah, we can't believe that we're doing a podcast with Roy Orbison. I'm the Roy Orbison of podcasting. Joy Orbison more like it. So thanks to Steve Roy Kayser. Thanks, Steve. And I'd like to think now from Fort Collins, Colorado, not one but two people here,

dynamic duo of Brianna and Dairani Clark or Dirony Clark. I mean, they're already living in a fort, which is helpful. Yeah. Is they're about to embarking more? Need some kind of, some kind of duo or like a pair name maybe. Apples and pears. Apples and pears. It's Brianna apples, Durrani pairs, Clark.

Apples and pears, apples and pears. What is that? What is that from? Is that anything? Cockney people say, don't know. I don't know. Am I talking gibberish right now? We're trying to yes end, but I cannot follow.

It's hard to jump in here, I've got to say. You're not exactly setting us up for an easy, Elliot. Okay, what about? What about they're called, they're known as the fruit bowl? Oh, that's good. Yes. The fruit sack. The fruit sack.

No, but it's better. The fruit sack's here. What? And they obviously started a war over a traffic incident. Somebody cut them off. Oh, wow. Road rage to the extreme. It took a road rage all the way.

To war. Apples and fares is cockney slang for stairs. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Sorry that we did not follow, Maddie. But you were right, it is something Cockney people say. So, well done. So I do like it, though, the fruit bowl,

Brianna and Derryny Clark. That's good. Can I bring it home then? Oh, I'll boot this baby home. Fantastic. I would love to thank from Wellington, just over the pond. Oh, the windy city. Love Wellington.

I'd love to thank Tim Anderson. Tim Anderson. Great Mr. Anderson. I love this name. What about, what about, Tim Anderson. It made me think of yes Anderson. So, yes man. Oh, the yes man. The yes man.

Great underrated film. It is. Tim, the yes man Anderson. I just, I don't know. It sounds like it. Yeah, I like it. Basically, you give him a, you ask him to do something and he'll say yes. He puts himself out there for people. Everyone. Yeah. You can rely on him. He's the yes man.

I think I think like yes man can sometimes be taken as like someone who's very submissive but I actually think in this case everyone needs a yes man friend you know like you want to go to a gig but you don't really have anyone to go and see like hey man do you want to come to this and they're like sure like they're just willing to give shit a go oh for sure I totally meant it in the most positive way the yes man yeah yeah these are the best kind of people you can rely on him and he gets the job done yes they're fun great I would wish I was one of those friends. He's not like a Kim Jong-un lackey.

Not that kind of yes-man. No, no, no, no. So what would a yes-man then start a war over? Oh, just someone who's just saying no all the time. Who says no all the time? No, yes. No, yes. A no man.

Who's Cockney? No. No. The Cockney no man. It's his arch-nemesis. Not funny. No. So he starts a war with John Mulaney's impression of Mick Jagger.

Yes, that's right. Which if you haven't seen it, is a very good bit. And the problem is that the impersonation of Mick Jagger, the no man, the cockney no man, he says, that's it, we're going to war. And the yes man Anderson goes, I'm all right. Yep. Because that's just in his nature. And sometimes that can be exploited by bad people.

after right in the midst of the yes-man Anderson kicking the shit out of the cockney no-man. The cockney-no-man goes, truce, truce. Anderson goes, yes-man. Okay. Yes. And so it's a short war, but it happens nonetheless. What on, Tim, the yes-man-anderson. Great name.

And I would also love to thank, what is this place from Mrs. Saga? It's my guess. I'm not heard of it. In, I'm guessing, Ontario, Canada? Yeah. I would love to thank Laura Sinclair. Laura Sinclair. Laura.

That's a strong name. I like that a lot. Sinclair. All right. I'm thinking outside of Bright, there's a swimming hole called Sinclair's because it was just off the Sinclair's property. And the story goes that they had the river just running past them and they try to make a private swimming hole with this river.

They fenced it off and stuff and dynamited it out to make it a deep swimming hole. And then the council, whoever like, oh, you're not allowed to own part of the river. So instead, right next to their property is this super popular swimming hole. So instead of having a private swimming hole, what they've done is brought crowds every summer right next to their property. I don't know if they still own it. So I don't know if we can work off that is the bomber? Like.

Dynamite. Dynamite. Yeah. Oh, dynamite's great. Dynamite. Yeah, I like dynamite. Laura Dynamite Sinclair. I'm trying to see how you can abbreviate dynamite.

Dine. Dino, mate. That's just saying it differently. That's not abbreviating. Mighty. Laura Mighty Sinclair. Oh, that's a bit of fun. You can choose Laura, dynamite or mighty?

From Mighty, Mrs. Salga. I'm so sorry that we've probably butchered that. Thank you very much. Laura, you absolute legend. What did Laura start a war over? Oh, yes. Mississauga. I've just got a YouTube video up telling me, Mrs. Saga.

I thought I could hear something. What is that? Missa Saga. I just said it over. Mr. Saga. What about she? She started a world record. Sorry, she started starting.

Oh, after an Olympic event. I was going to say she started a war after the Guinness World Records denied her on a technicality when she applied for a world record. Hey Dave, is it? This feels like you're dipping into your past with this one. Because that scenario happened to you, apart from the World War part. That's right. Well, sadly, someone beat us to the record whilst it was being processed.

Yeah, pricks. Still furious. Look at him. He's shaking with fury. You're seething. Seathing. That's his secret. He's always angry.

Thank you, Laura. Mighty Dynamite Sinclair. Thank you, Laura. And I'd finally love to thank from Portsmouth in the UK. Martin Cox. Oh, well, Martin's my dad's name. So how about Dad? Stop trying to make everyone your dad.

I need a dad in every continent. We get it. Martin Daddy Cox. That does have a set ring to it. Sorry, Martin Cox. Martin Cox. What about the Crane? Oh.

Like Martin Crane, Fraser's dad. The Crane. That's still a dad kind of thing? The Crane's the finishing move in karate kid as well, isn't it? Yeah. It's a powerful maneuver. The crane is, that's a cool, that's a cool nickname. Yeah, I like that a lot.

Martin, the crane cocks. And what would Martin start a war over? Portsmouth, it is a, I believe Portsmouth is, that would a big naval port in England. So his is more, it's a war on the seas, I reckon. I reckon it's a pirate treasure-related war. Oh, okay. Okay, yep, love that.

Someone marked X on the wrong spot. You had one fucking job. You absolute goof. Now I've spent all afternoon digging and I've got no treasure. So yeah, I'm declaring war on you. Yeah, he did find the treasure later on, but it was the principal. He was like, that's, you know, like just do your job properly so I can do my job properly. I think that was great.

I reckon we came up with some rippers here today, some ripper nicknames. Let us know if you adopt that nickname in your real life. If you can make it stick like I couldn't make cobra stick. Well, you came up with cobra. We've come up with these for them. So I think they might be a better chance. The oldest rule in the nickname book, you cannot give yourself a nickname.

All right. So it is time to induct a few people into the Triptitch Club. And this club you can get into by supporting the show on the shoutout level or above three straight years. And some people were nervous that they had a glitage. glitch sometime in the three years. I think you'll still get through if there was a glitch and you didn't quit and rejoined. So, yeah, I did see someone nervously saying, oh, no, I had a glitch and something

happened with my payment eight months ago. Am I going to have to start again? And then I couldn't find the post to reassure them. But anyway, hopefully they're listening now and you are reassured. Glitches won't. I certainly am. Glitches don't get stitches. That doesn't quite make sense.

So we're not in the Triptitch Club. We open the club up to new members each week when they are ready for induction. I lift up the velvety rope. Jess greets them with a cocktail. What have we got this week? Cocktails and hors d'oeuvres. Yes, obviously. As always, we have cocktails and hors d'oeuvres.

No, of course I'm not running out of cocktails that I know of. So, wow, what we're just... Something tree like? Maybe there's... What can you do with a tree? Olive's growing trees. What about a classic martini? Dirty?

Dirty. That means with the brine. I think it's with the juice, right? Oh, I'll leave the juice in, thanks. We'll do... We can do any kind of martini. Can we... Hey, when we're allowed to, again, would you two be up for coming to a cocktail bar with me?

Let's get inspired again for Jess's face. I wish this was a visual medium. Justice's face was just so quick to going, I could not think of anything worse. No, I would love that. I love a cocktail bar. I think just my default, sometimes when you say anything quite genuine,

I love to just go, no. Like, I just find that funny. But I did that with no intention of making the joke. It was just my face. That was just your natural response to me inviting you out for a night on the town. Because I'm a no man. I would love that.

Love a cocktail bar. You've also suggested we have a margarita night. Oh, yeah. This is what I like to do when I can't do anything. I love to plan lots of things. It's what gets me through is dreaming of tours to America, Chips Suggesta's place for margaritas, cocktail bars. It's very similar after I've had a few beers.

If we're hanging out, I'll always go to bed with multiple big plans. Yeah. Oh, God. It's really so good. I'm going to get started on that tomorrow. And sometimes let you wake up with like a ticket to Perth in your pocket, man? That has happened one time, yeah. That's right. Wild story. I also, just because you mentioned apples and pears before. Oh, great. I've found one here that's a vodka and apple punch. Oh, yeah. Maybe you'll have a pair option available as well.

That sounds perfect. Nice and refreshing. Food-wise. Not sure. Fruitball. Love that. Food-wise. Have we mentioned it? anything kind of food related? Poplar's restaurant in Bright. We're shipping in their chef. We're going to be catered. Cated by a Poplar's restaurant.

Chef. I'm so glad we're coming to the end. I started without having much of it and whatever I had of it, I've now lost it. You've lost it. Oh, that's great. Dave, who's playing today? Well, we've actually got the surviving members of the Traveling Woolbury. is dropping in tonight.

There's not too many of them. Tom, Penny's gone, George Harrison's gone. Two out of five. The big O. We've got our Jeff Lynn and Bob Dylan. Still pretty freaking good. Yeah. Oh, man, that's a great duo.

That's great. I wonder if they've got a deal like Grandpa Simpson's Army Barracks. The last one standing gets all the nasty artwork. Oh, man. I'm sure they do. So there's two inductees coming in today. And of course, we've got numerous other inductees who are still hanging out in the lounge. They come out each week to meet the new guests.

And that's so great that Bob and Jeff are playing. So, without further ado, come on in from Woodenville, Washington in the United States, Erin Sterling. Oh, oh, wow, put the pounds down. The Sterling's in. Yes, Dave. For new listeners, Dave is the hype man as people enter. He likes to really big them up, so people feel great when they enter the Stripich Club. Just imagine Jeff Lynn and Bob Dylan strumming guitars in the background,

a bit of background music, as I'm hyping people up as they're welcomed into the club. I'm checking the names off the list, lifting the velvary rope. Jess is handing out a punch bowl. And I'm on stage with like a clock around my neck with a chain on it, hyping people up. Yeah. Davey Dave. And Davea Dave, anyway. That's pretty good.

Hobartville, New South Wales in Australia. Welcome, Noah Wright. Oh, it's always right when you're in town, my friend. Yeah. It feels so wrong, but it's Noah right. Oh, yeah. Fuck yeah. Did you hear Dave's laugh just then?

That was the best thing I've ever heard. I feel so gratified. Well, that brings us to the end of the episode, I think. What a fun time we've had. I mean, that was a fun one. I really had a good time here today. Yeah, great story, Dave. And I know when we're having fun, it is a little more tedious to listen to.

So thanks for sticking it out. That's right. This is as much for us as it is for you guys. You've got to remember that. We need this right now. There's not much contact going on. We can't do any else. This episode will definitely get a comment on YouTube like, it's weird that they don't.

It's good that they're laughing, but it's not very funny. or something like that. Only it'll take three paragraphs for them to get that point across. I hate hearing people have a good time. And they'll reference something in hour and 45 minutes in. It's like, why were you listening that whole time? Yeah, why did you listen if you weren't enjoying it?

You don't have to. Nobody's ever forced you to. If somebody's forcing you to listen, that's not good. Paul the police, please. I like that they're sticking it out and just giving us a try. They're going, well, I hated the first hour 40, but let's see. Let's see.

They could redeem themselves. No, they haven't. I like to think that they're up to episode 150 and something and they're like, I'll try one more episode. But they've all made me furious so far. Anyway, thanks everyone for listening. What else do we need to tell people at the end of the episode? You can find us at dogoonpod.com.

It's dogoon pod on all the social medias, including Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube. And at Gmail. And the Gmail is dogoon pod at Gmail. Sorry, I cut you off because I forgot about YouTube. Jess will reply to you personally. So, you know, if you aren't a dickhead, I assume. Do you have any sort of rules like that or do you reply to dickheads too? No, I don't really reply to dickheads, if I can be honest.

But I reckon if you're listening to this and you're thinking, oh, I might let them know something or I might say hello, you're not a dickhead. Probably not a dickhead. Yeah, you're fine. We don't even need to make that stipulation. No, if you think you might be a dickhead, you probably aren't. Yeah, also, yeah, dickheads aren't going, oh, oh, she doesn't reply to dickheads. Well, that's me.

I'm self-aware. Exactly, exactly. So if you're worried now, you're definitely fine because you have self-awareness and you'll just write an email like you're emailing a human because you are. You can also support us at Patreon at patreon.com slash do you go on pod, all the rewards we talked about before. Get involved there. It's a good fun time.

There's also the Facebook group, which I didn't mention. and that's a real lovely, wholesome place to be, especially as the world's in a bit of turmoil. A lot of people saying that that group is helping people feel okay. Yeah, that's bloody nice, isn't it? So nice. It's lovely. Dave, anything else?

Do you want to boot us home? I think that is it, just to say, thank you so much for listening. We'll be back next week with another brand new episode. But until then, I'll say thank you and goodbye. Wait a day. Bye. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting. Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

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