Do Go On - 268 - The Guinness Book Of Records (With Cameron James & Alexei Toliopoulos)

Episode Date: December 9, 2020

This week we are joined by our friends / the 16th and 17th best investigative journalists that the ABC has, Cameron James and Alexei Toliopoulos! Their new podcast, Finding Desperado, is based on a fact Cam found in the Guinness Book Of Records, and he's come in to tell us about the origin story of that wonderful, weird book. This is a super fun episode with an array of characters (played by Alexei) and a lot of moments that will make you go "...what??"Check out Finding Drago/ Finding Desperado: http://bit.ly/FindingDragoBuy tickets to our live streamed shows:https://sospresents.com/catalogSupport the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPodBuy tickets to our streamed shows (there are 8 available to watch now! All with exclusive extra sections): https://sospresents.com/authors/dogoonCheck out our web series: https://www.youtube.com/user/stupidoldchannel Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-TopicTwitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

Welcome to another episode of Doogh One. My name is Dave Warnikey and as always I'm here with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart. Hello, I'm Jess Perkins. Hi, I'm Matt Stewart. So good to be here and we're not the only ones here, are we Dave? No, because you're Jess, you're Matt, I'm Dave. And they are from Finding Desperato. Our guest this week, it's Cameron, James and Alexie, Tolly.

Hello, hello, hello, hello and hello, Alexi. Hello, I'm Alexi. The other guy was Cameron. Thanks for having us on your podcast, and I don't want to tell too many tales outside of school, but it was a real struggle to get started. It took about half an hour to figure out, so I really appreciate all the work you guys have put into this.

It takes half an hour every week. We've done this for 260 weeks, So add that up. That's like half our lives in the studio unplugging and plugging in. Calling Evan. Yeah. Well, at least it proves that you guys

are you may be beautiful podcasts, but you're not freaking nerds, okay? Yeah. The tech side does not come naturally. No way. But I know how to dunk a basketball. Exactly. And finger cheeks.

Dunker basketball on those terms. What is hell. The two coolest thing. What's the third coolest thing? Go on. Do it an Olly? Wow. Who's Olly?

Oh, that is cool. That is cool. Sex is awesome. Cam, you probably don't know this, but Jess and Dave are virgins, and they often try and sort of fake it till they make it. Don't be fool. We try and cover up a lot.

No, I've done it. I have. Yeah, me too. You know? Well, Alexi and I are famously sluts, so this should make for an interesting combination on the podcast today. We are so much to learn. We are known as Lotharios around our city.

Swordsman. Yes. We are known as the legendary pantsman of the Australian podcasting industry. So watch out. We have got some interesting tales about our tales that sit on the front of our body. Oh no Oh no And you best believe they're all extremely true

No We can't ruin this podcast We're both such fans of this show We don't want to ruin it with smut and filth Jess and I also have a podcast called Desperado But it's about something complete You do make some of our favourite podcasts, but the one you've been working on lately, what's its deal?

What a wonderful question. It's called Finding Desperado. Finding Desperado. I've listened to the first episode three times because I was drinking. And I just could not remember when I, what happened. I had to listen to it again. And then, yeah, anyway, I don't know why I'm telling you that. But I remember enjoying it each time.

Just don't remember any of the details. Well, Matt, we're so flage. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast three times. Yeah, we specifically designed this series for sober listening. So, in fact, there's a warning at the start that says, if you have any alcohol in your mouth, you have to spit it out before the podcast starts. It's not appropriate. We jam stuff in.

We jam info in. We jam jokes in. We jam in references to Ray Romano. We're getting it all in there. That's what we really wanted to get the word out. about Ray Romano. The new series is it's another true crime-esque podcast without a crime, and it is all true. And we are trying to track down the elusive, mysterious filmmaker Sidney Ling,

who once held the Guinness World Record for World's youngest filmmaker of a feature film. But in our research, we begin to suspect that this film that won a Guinness World Record does not exist. There's no evidence that it exists anywhere on the internet. And that's when things start to get a little bit freaky and a touch deaky. We border on the deeke on this new series. It's really exciting for that reason. And it's on the same feed as your first podcast in the similar vein.

That's right. I was going to say desperado. What was it? Drego. Very similar name. We picked a word that was similar. Yeah. So people would be like, oh, cool, must be a single.

It's brand recognition. Yes. Brand recognition, exactly. Extremely important. If people aren't aware of the new one, they may as well go back and start from the beginning. Because you can definitely listen to one and then bang out the second. And you'll be glad you did it this way

because I'll listen to them both as they're coming out. And it's brutal waiting week to week for the next episode. I know. If you wait until they're all out and you can binge them, I'm very jealous of you. I think by the time this podcast comes out, they will all be out so people can binge it. And they can binge drink after they've binged it. Do not do them at the same time. You've already seen how that does not lead to success.

But feel free to get smashed afterwards. I think the main bit I remember is one of you said, and this made me laugh real, in bed, late at night, a bit drunk, and one of you said that Leonardo DiCaprio is your favorite Italian actor. Well, that was me and that is a line that I stole from, I went on one of those star tours in L.A. You know where they're like, you get in a bus and they drive you around all the Hollywood homes. And the guy that was doing it was giving trivia for all the actors before he revealed their names. And he was like, this next guy, he lives with his mother, he's the

most famous Italian actor in the world. Can anyone guess who it is? And everyone was like, Robert De Niro, like just yelling out Italian, Roberto Benini, like yelling out all these names. Ray Romano, Ray Romano. He lives across the road from his mother, but maybe they moved in.

And then when he said Leonardo DiCaprio, I was with Naomi Higgins at the time, and we both lost our minds. Just like, what? It had never occurred to me that Leonardo de Caprio, probably the most Italian name, is an Italian man. And ever since then, I've paid my respects to the man.

Yeah, you've got to spread that information. He's the best Italian actor in the biz. But it all came out of a Guinness World Record entry. Is that right? Yes, yes. Both of us actually were quite obsessed with the Guinness Book of Records when we were kids. It was just one of those books that was around. Did you guys have them when you were like?

Yeah. So many. I definitely have the getting one year, the 1999 Guinness World Records for Christmas. Oh yeah, it was a classic stocky stuffer. You'd get it on Christmas Day

and auntie would give it to you or something and then you'd read it all Christmas afternoon and then never touch it again as long as you lived. I never owned one but they were a hot item at the primary school library. Yeah. Oh, for sure, for sure. I think it's one of those things where they say

that actually holds a record itself. as the most stolen book from libraries. Really? That's how popular they are. I would have thought people would be stealing like pornoes or something. What library are you going to with porn?

It's a library that's just like it's a top floor of a little shop in the city and you go in there and it's just one guy that works there. He's a librarian. Do not go downstairs. It's really weird. I actually know what the most

most stolen book from Australian libraries is. What is it? It is looking for Alibrandi, my favorite book. Is that true? That's true. It's stolen from the most high school libraries. I stole my copy from my high school library as well. That's one of the reasons I know it.

How many copies did you steal to get the numbers up? Just that one, babe. Didn't need my help. It did it on its own. You stole it and then you got Malina. Did you get Molina Marquetta to sign it for you? Yes, and Pierre Miranda. I got my Bible signed by Jesus and God.

Do they still say like property of whatever from Bristol? Yeah, it was actually a little embarrassing that that's the one copy I had. So you said you called yourselves fans of this show, so you probably know how it works. But for new listeners, there's probably plenty who follow you guys around the podcast scene. They listen to every podcast you're on. So we might have a few new listeners who are here, big Lex and Cam fans. And for them, the way this show works is normally one of Jess Dave and I does a report on a topic that we've researched, the other two don't know much about.

But this week, Cam's come in and he's going to give us a report on a topic. I know what it is, but I don't think Dave or Jess do. Oh, no. So we normally, I don't know if you've organised a question, Cam, no stress if you haven't, but we normally get on a topic with a question about the topic. Okay, I have a question that will hopefully give a little bit of a clue as to what the topic is. What is the most stolen book from libraries that isn't looking for alabrandy? Oh, damn.

I forgot it was porn. Now I've got to rewrite the review. Hang on. No, no, no. I am going to tell you what the answer is. The answer is, of course, the worldwide publishing phenomenon, Guinness Book of Records.

Awesome. That's so funny because I thought you were going to do it about the beer but this is cool too. This makes more sense actually.

Makes a lot more sense. It's more on brand, isn't it? Yeah. Did I, sorry, I'm so sorry, did I accidentally give away the fact that started this in a... Whoops, sorry about that.

The most stolen thing. Sorry about it. I had no idea what you were going to talk. I tried to throw you off the scent. I tried so hard to throw you off the scent. But, you know, I ran out of Alibrandi facts very quickly. Yeah, we got the name of the book, the name of the author, and one of the actors from the film, nothing else can be said about it, unfortunately.

Now, we're going to go deep on the Guinness Book of Records today, guys. I want to tell you everything about it because Alexei and I, obviously our new podcast is a little bit about that book and about a specific record from that book. But also, we have very strong opinions about, Guinness that we have not been allowed to put on our own podcast. Have you been silenced by the Big Docs? We have been silenced by not only Guinness, but tragically, the Australian Broadcasting Corporation have said that we are not allowed to be libelous or slanderous towards

the Guinness organisation. But you're absolutely happy to bring that libel suit to our podcast. Yeah, I think it's fine coming from you guys. You know, this is indie. We can't do it from the government, from the government. from a Gulf, but we can do it from an indie label like you guys. That's okay. I think we just cover our asses.

I mean, I just did my ABC defamation training just the other day. So I think if we just say allegedly a lot, we're fine. Allegedly, that's good. Well, Guinness can allegedly kiss my freaking ass. That's true. They can allegedly do that. Because we have been up to our first. freaking eyeballs with Guinness over the last like year basically.

And I want to say that they have been a very, allegedly, allegedly very difficult organization to work with. It kind of all started because we very, before we even started recording the podcast, we were reaching out to them to ask them about this specific record that we wanted information about. And I went legit. First up, I went straight to the PR team.

Yeah. said, can you give us some information about this? I asked them a lot of specific questions. And May just pretty much wrote back straight up, no, we do not give out any information because of data breach. We don't want to give out any of our data and all this kind of shit. Just like absolute. Allegedly they suck.

Yeah, absolutely pish-posh coming from these guys. So then we did a little bit of investigative journalism. And we found the name of an adjudicator for him. because her name was in an article in the paper and I stalked her on social media. Allegedly Cameron stalked them on. Good, good. I want to cover your side too, Cam. Yeah.

And try to get in touch with her on like all platforms. She ignored them. But then a friend of ours in the biz tracked down her phone number. We called, called her and she was very polite over the phone. We're like, hey, we're podcasts. We're from the ABC. We're doing a podcast about a Guinness Record. We know you're an adjudicator.

We'd love to pick your brains a little bit. And she was very polite. Very polite. I'm just in the middle of cooking dinner. I'll call you back after dinner. And can I just say the call never came back? Wasn't it in dinner time? It's very, very confronting.

So then a few days after that, the PR team reached out to us again. So obviously she's gone back and snitched to them and been like, look, these fucking. nerds. They won't leave us alone. They've hassled me all over my social media and somehow got my phone number. And the PR team are like, we'll try and collaborate with you. So, you know, give us any more questions, any way we can help, we will.

We wrote down a very specific list of things we wanted and they wrote back again, basically saying, no, we cannot. So that's when we realize that the only way to ensure contact with Guinness is if we apply for a Guinness World record. That way we'll have to talk to these freaking guys. We have to go in on the inside. And what was the record we were going to apply for, Alexi?

We're applying for me to be considered for world's youngest podcaster. And we looked it up. There's way younger podcasters out there. But they did not try to go for the record. Yeah, there's no record for it.

So I'm setting the bar. I'm setting it. And it can immediately be beat by the nine-year-old that has a podcast in Canada or whatever, but if you start it, you know. Exactly. You've got to be a winner to work towards. Exactly.

Have any of you guys ever applied for a Guinness World Record before? I have. Oh, for your show. I did your show years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. So that was about five years ago

at the Melbourne Fringe Festival. I applied to do the longest ever variety show that I hosted with Adam Knox. We had a lot of people come perform. Thank you so much for donating your time. Unfortunately, so. it was this whole thing we have to reply they give you all this rules all this criteria

and we had the guys here from stupid old Evan and Beck came out they had to film everything so there was no break in the tape you have to send them a massive file I think it ended up going for nearly 13 hours or something and there's all these rules like as MCs we could only be on for four minutes or so so you can't go up and just do an hour long and you've got to keep changing keep changing and unfortunately it takes so long for them to assess the record

by the time we got the footage and everything over there they said, oh, sorry, someone in New York just did it for 24 hours. Oh, my. Probably Chris Geffett or someone like that who just snaked it from you. Yeah, it was, allegedly they do suck. I remember doing your, it was during Melbourne Comedy Festival, I think. You had the World Record show, and I went for most temporary tattooed man. Yeah, yeah.

And you went off into a little bathroom for about 45 minutes. throughout the whole show. Bring you on at the end and you were just covered in these crappy little cheap tattoos that would supply you. And it wasn't that impressive because you had like,

you had like a hundred sheets of these things but they still only covered just my chest and back, I think. Nothing else. So it wasn't that impressive. I'm sure I've got a photo somewhere I'll post that this week of you. I think there's a couple,

at least a couple on your face. Yeah, you're right. I think I've got that too. And from memory, oh no, Maybe this is a tale out of school, but I heard, is it true that Greg Larson went for a record, first person to spontaneously, do you remember? It was fastest time to get an erection without touching yourself and then playing Baker Street on Sacrifice. So, and Andy Matthews, who Adam and I also co-hosted that show with, is very handy that we all know that.

and he built a soundproof booth that Greg sat in on stage which covered his lower half it was like watching someone sitting in a shed and he was sitting to see the audience for the whole show watching this guy trying to will an erection without touching himself and then he just had to kick down the door

and start playing and then he played it and then he just slung back into the shed and closed the door. It was so funny. Oh my God. So he made it happen. Yeah, he got to happen.

Well, he made something happen. I don't know if you call it a full erection. We paid it, we paid it. Everyone's a buddy critic. Well, they're very difficult to deal with Guinness. We did the same thing. We went through the application process, which takes forever. And you have to pay like five pounds just to apply.

And then they say to read your assessment, you know, we'll get back to you within like six months or something. It's something absurd, like this long period of time. But then they go, or we'll get back to you in nine business days if you pay this fast track fee, which is $1,000 non-refundable. Oh my God. So you can do that. Did the people at the ABC pay this fee?

We asked them, flat out got a no. Flat out for that. Come on. And I even put in that first five pounds and they still don't put in the rest. Yeah. Yeah, it was a thousand dollars US or something too, wasn't it? It was something great. So it was even more.

And then, even then, if you get fast-tracked with that grand, non-refundable, they can still get back to you in nine business days and say, we don't think your records good. There's a nine-year-old kid that has a podcast in Canada. So it's not going to happen before you, dude. Fucking insane. There are allegedly quite a racket. So we wanted to kind of give you a bit of a thorough history of those guys today.

And hopefully that will give your listeners and our listeners, if they're listening to this, a full, a full portrait of what this company is and what they stand for and why they suck, allegedly.

So that's kind of what we're going to do for you guys. Do they have nothing to do with the brewery? I'm so glad you asked because that will be answered in my report. Okay, great. Oh, fantastic. And you get halfway through and you just say, nothing to do with the brewery.

But don't spoil it now. I'm looking forward to this. I really know nothing about. No, me either. But you do like the beer? Yeah, it's okay. Okay. Allegedly it's an okay beer.

No, that's right. I mean, I like stout, but I don't know. It's fair. It's very full. It's just such a full. It's a meal. It's a meal. It's a meal.

I like it on occasion, but I prefer. heard nearly all other stouts. Glad we got that on the record. That's going to offend some of the Irish listeners probably. Someone had to go with me once. I posted a photo drinking a stout and a glass

and he commented if you if someone served a stout in that glass in Ireland, they would be killed. Wow. Maybe during the troubles, but I don't know if any more. I don't know if any more. What's going on?

People food. wrapped up in some pastry and cooked in the oven, eat it like a pie. Dave Warnocky style. Yeah, I'd have that. Best thing about Guinness is a Guinness, even Guinness Pie. Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

It's a great cooking ingredient, no doubt. So I've got two of your opinions on Guinness, the beverage. Yes, what's yours? On the beverage? Yeah. It's fine. Great. Okay.

I think I've had a sip. And gone, oh, yep, I've done it. All right. Should I launch into the report? Yeah. Let's do it. Are you guys ready? So ready.

I'm prepared. Alexi, are you ready? I am. I actually have been waiting quite some time for you to start reading Cameron. Okay. Here we go. The pale sun rises on a chilly autumn Irish morning. The morning is Irish because we are in Ireland.

Wow. I've written this more like a short story than a report. But it's not that short. A long story, if you will. A blessed part of this earth that is equal parts, prehistoric rock, smoky Celtic mysticism, and also the place where the band you two is from. A thin mist lingers hesitantly over the frozen ground, like the foamy head of a tall pint of Guinness.

Fershadowing? Almost certainly. Where are we? We are in a place called North Slob. An area of mud flaps at the estuary of the river Slaney. And a place that definitely could have had a name rethink. North Slog. North Slob.

North Slob and mud flaps in the same sentence. My God, I'm in heaven right now. But the more important question is, not where, but when are we? We are on the 10th of November, 1951. Six years after WW2, five years before Elvis Presley first swiveled those hips on Ed Sullivan, all in all, a time when music and culture officially sucked ass.

The Irish morning silence is broken by a solitary gunshot. Is that good? That was great. That was pretty good. Thank you. That was pretty good. Well done. A flutter of wings take off from the reeds in panic.

The bullet hits nothing but thick Irish air. We're in Ireland. The bullet came from a nearby shooting party. A group of upper crust wealthy gentlemen who regularly participate in the hyper-masculine activity of strolling around the countryside shooting guns at little birdies. The men in the party always. all begin laughing in unison.

All except for one man. That man's name was Sir Hugh Beaver, the managing director of Guinness Breweries. So Matt, that should answer your question. Yeah, they're involved. His name is one letter off, huge beaver. Okay, you're definitely not a virgin. That's right.

Thank you, that's right. The actual first Guinness World Record was for world's biggest vagina. She wasn't as gone. World's biggest. How do you measure? And again, the patriarchy took it. So it's just, it's typical. It's typical of 50s.

The fellas were all laughing at Sir Hugh Beaver because he had missed his shot at the easy target of a nearby golden plover, which I've read as a type of bird. Sir Hugh, every inch the absolute rich cunt you're imagining, became instantly furious at their mockery and started an argument. For the remainder of this report,

the part of Sir Hugh Beaver will be played by Alexei Toliopoulos. Alexia, your line. How dare you laugh at me? I'm one of the best shots, not only in this part, but in all these mudflats. I only missed a shot because the golden plover is actually the fastest game bird in the world, okay?

Someone else piped up saying that they believe the red grouse was actually the fastest game bird in the world. but Sir Hugh replied, No, no, no, it's definitely the golden plover. The other guy said, no, it's the red grouse. Absolutely not. It's the golden plover. That's the fast bird in the land for goodness cakes.

And that's the only reason I missed a shot, okay? I promise you that. And the other guy said, no, it's actually the red grouse, and they went back and forth. I mean, this is the kind of argument that only rich people can have. I don't know if any of you guys have ever argued over grouse versus plover speed-wise,

but it's never come up in my life before. Not in relation to speed, no. Oh, okay. To plumege, of course. What are we talking about in your family? Yeah, the plumage and the the beak size.

Most fuckable. Oh, yeah, yeah. Biggest vagina on a bird. It's actually a cloaca and they're all incredibly humongous. That's true. And the cloaca, Alexi, is what exactly? It is the both features, both holes on the burn, the anus and the punani.

So you got a bit too technical though, you lost me. Oh my God. So they're arguing. Refusing to back down, Sir Hugh dragged the entire shooting party back to the nearby Castle Bridge Manor and insisted they spend the afternoon looking up reference books and ornithological texts in the vast library in order to prove once and for all which bird was the fastest. Imagine if you were at this party.

What an absolute piece of shit this guy is. Completely railroading the whole afternoon. Like, no, no, no, back to the library. Well, Lexi would be sitting there with like the reference book, but inside it looking for Alibrandi's right. Wow. We were looking for Alibrandi, but we found a friend.

They didn't find an answer, but Sir Hugh Beaver found an orange. idea, an idea that would become a worldwide publishing phenomenon, which is a phrase that I've already said and is also a phrase that the Guinness World Records website says over and over again, like five or six times on every page they refer themselves as a worldwide publishing phenomenon. So Hugh Beaver exclaimed, Eureka, I have an idea for a reference book that will feature all the answers to questions that people argue about over dinner at the pub or while shooting little birds.

and their friends. This will be an encyclopedia, but for facts and trivia. It will be a book of records. Yes. That was wonderful performance. Thank you so much. I've been doing a lot more acting this year. So I don't have management, but just DM me on Instagram or Twitter,

and I will likely act in your TV show, but no shit films. So Hugh knew instantly that he was onto a once-in-a-lifetime stroke of genius idea. This sort of thing didn't exist. There was no trivial pursuit. There was no Ripley's Believe it or not starring Dean Kane. There's no way that this wouldn't be a hit. He was so certain of his idea's potential success that he instantly forgot about it for four entire year. That is true.

And in trial Olympiad. That's right. That's right. And, you know, I don't know what he did in those four years, but there's a huge gap on the Guinness history page and everywhere. I looked everywhere and it just doesn't tell you what he did in that time. Got a lot of birds. Could have been shooting birds.

Yeah, you know he went back out by himself and just shot. He took it out on all those golden plumbers. They got fucked up. Oh, nice. They're actually extinct now because of him. Four years later, Sir Hugh Beaver was in yet another argument. This time inside a pub. This time about who the fastest marathon runner in the world was.

He exclaimed out loud, If early there was some kind of book behind the bar that could settle this argument once and for all, a book that would settle all pub arguments, a book that people could read while sipping a book. a delicious foamy room temperature, Guinness Beer, and be amazed at the strength of the human spirit.

After he said this, he remembered that he'd already thought of this idea before he was earlier. And he decided then and there to finally make his dream project a reality. I'm going to take a little sidebar here for a second. This is something that I think maybe Matt would be interested in. You're a bit of a beer guy.

You love getting up amongst the hops and the ale and the barley and the sugar and the malt. And glasses. Glasses. Yeah, the beer gets sporting. Yeah, I love you. Yeah, yeah. Drink them out of.

A tap, pour it out of a tap. Out of a tap, but not a tap, like in the toilet. Like, it's a different kind of tap. Yeah, like a beer tap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You love that sort of stuff. I love that, some of that stuff, yeah. Now, I don't know if you know this,

but Guinness, as a beer company, back in the olden days, they didn't have their own venues or pubs or anything like that. Did you know that, Matt? I didn't know. I didn't know that. Well, maybe you should have read the... I've been taught an absolute lesson today. Maybe you won't run your mouth so much next time.

About Guinness. They did not. They didn't own any pubs or licensed venues at all. So whereas other beers at the time, they could sell their own product in their own pubs, Guinness relied exclusively on advertising to try and get people to drink their disgusting, thick, Goup that they call a beer.

They used, I had a lot of crazy advertising back in the day. They had a two can drinking a beer. Imagine that. That's pretty fun. Yeah. You still see all their old ads around for some reason. Yeah, I've seen that one.

My goodness. Yeah, that's one. You see it around at like people's house, like you know, my parents sort of friends' age house. They all have these kind of things. I'm probably extrapolating from one person I thought one time. You see them around at Mark's

house all the time. If you're ever in the downstairs room. I mean, to that generation, it's the height of wit to have a little Guinness slogan up there. They think it's extremely funny. It is funny. They were funny. There's one with an ostrich with a Guinness glass halfway down its long neck.

Oh, my God. A lot of animals trying to drink beers in their advertising. To be honest, that is actually funny. to me to imagine an animal drinking a beer. It's pretty funny. Their most famous ad at the time was a giant billboard with a drawing of a pint glass on it that was empty and a slogan in all caps that said, Guinness is good for you. And I just love back then when you could just say whatever the fuck you wanted in an ad and people were like, okay. Nine out of ten doctors agree.

Smoking ads for cigarettes and shit. I love it. Yeah, amazing. They'd have actual doctors on TV, same. Smoking will, and they'll say it in their doctor's labs or whatever. They'd say to people. If you're pregnant, you want to go menthol. Give that baby a little cool breeze down south of a menthol cigarette. So Hugh Beaver thought,

if he could put a book of pub trivia with the Guinness logo on the front cover in every pub, It would be free advertising, and they might even make a couple of bucks from drunk idiots who'd buy the book. He knew that he'd finally come up with the greatest idea of his life, an idea that could eventually become a worldwide publishing phenomenon.

He was so determined this time that he only forgot about it for one more year. Again, there's another gap here on the, I don't know what happened in that year. Not a full Olympiad, so I don't know what he was. did. Commonwealth game? Yeah, they do those every year, I reckon.

It was okay, let's skip ahead. We're skipping ahead a year now. Cam, there was a, there's another universe where the Guinness World Record book was called Beaver's Big Book of Facts or something. He must have thought about going it for himself. Beaver's

big book of facts. And it's just him making up shit that he believes. It's all just, he says, like, you may think that this is the strongest man in the world, but actually the golden plover much stronger, okay? Golden plover world's most perfect bird. It was a balmy October English evening. The evening is English because we are in England now in the story. So we've moved locations for those of you who can't keep up.

I'm a little lost, Cam. We're in England. Okay. Play London calling or something like that so we know where we are. So a note to your producer, I'd chuck in London calling here or maybe some Baccarac or something. So Hugh Beaver was at a dinner party where he had a chance encounter with not one but two experts on facts, figures and records. Who could be the perfect people to help him bring his dream book to life? These two men were Norris and Ross McWirter, two twins and nerds from England. The McWirter twins.

The McWirters were nationally known sports journalists in the United Kingdom. They were sort of the Ray Barone of their time. Ray Barone is a character that Ray Romano plays in Everybody Loves Raymond. Alexi Tollipolis now is going to give us a little bit of a backstory on Ray Barone. Thank you, Alexi. Born October 9, 1958, Raymond Albert or Ray Barone is the titular and main character

of everybody loves Raymond, and the show thus focuses with centrality on Ray. He's the husband of Deborah, the brother of Robert, the father of Ali, Michael and Jeffrey, who are twins like the McQuirder brothers. And he's also the obedient son of Frank and Marie Barone. He appears in overhaul.

in 210 episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond's and one episode of The Nanny where he plays a former high school colleague of Fran Dresher. Do you want me to do one on the Nanny as well? Can we have the context? What's the Nanny?

The Nanny is a show starring and created by Fran Dresher. It takes place in Queens for a few minutes of the first episode. Then from there she's taken home her work as a bridal stop and leaves flushing and then becomes a nanny at the Sheffield residence.

The Sheffield is a family that is one dad, three kids, a butler, and a friend of the family that works at the house as well called Cece. There is no mum. I think she's dead. Okay, thank you. Thank you. So, yeah, the McWhorter twins are kind of like that. The McWhorters...

I get it now. Yeah, that's sort of like Ray Barone. Everybody loves these guys. Yeah, everybody loves them around England at the time. The book could have been called MacWurda Beaver's Big Book of Facts. Yeah, this is, like, it feels like a lost opportunity. Oh, come on. The McWhorters were known for their previously published sports trivia book,

their photographic memories, their knowledge of all world history, and much later for their conservative politics, which would tragically lead to one of the twins being assassinated by the IRA, but don't worry, I won't get into that part of the story. Sir Hugh Beaver invited the McWhorters to his stately manner for a luncheon. The table is set with silver tankards of piping hot Guinness beer and oceans of sherry. They're boiling. They bring it to the boil and then they pour it into a silver tanker.

Mmm, delicious. I'm genuinely craving a Guinness right now. I don't know if it's your descriptions or what Or just knowing how much they've fucked you guys over recently Better put the kettle on Put a kettle of your own Thick juicy steaks are served With mountains of mashed potatoes

Gravy, onions and fresh beans This was only two months after the end of rationing in the UK So the McWhorters are eating like kings For the first time in their lives probably I mean these are humble sports journalists They don't normally eat stuff like this. So Hugh Beaver, however, only eats a single apple during this luncheon. Instead, he watches these two twins gorge themselves on his sumptuous feast.

He didn't know it at the time, but by watching two twins eat mountains of food, he was unlocking a kink within him that he could never put back in the cage. I mean, I've taken creative license with that. I don't know. He did apparently only eat an apple. during their lunch. Wow. Do you think that was a power move?

I beg your pardon? Do you think that was a power move? I think so. He's like, yeah, you guys eat all this shit. I'm just going to sit here and munch a crisp apple in front of you guys. Is there anything in his future that sort of points to the fact that a kink was unlocked there? No. He makes muckbang videos on YouTube.

Yeah, he invents muckbang shortly after this. Alexi, you're talking to. two-thirds of a room of virgins here. Then I can understand what that means. Explain it for their benefit. Well, it's a YouTube phenomenon that I dream of one day taking part in where it's just people gorging themselves

on lots of different foods. And there's some sort of eroticism around it as well. Yeah, is it erotic? Like, are they being sexy when they do it? Incredibly so. I mean, no, not particularly. But, you know, people watch videos on the internet and you can't blame them for what happens.

to them and they're chemicals within their body, you know? Mm, yes. I mean, if Greg Larson can conjure an erection to sheer willpower, then Lord knows what a fella could do with a muckbang video. Okay, before the twins have even had a chance to digest their first few bites of delicious Angus beef, so Hugh Beaver begins launching questions at them, and much to both of their surprise, they answer them all correctly. Alexi is going to play, Sir Hugh Beaver and both of the McWhorter twins for this moment.

Okay, I'm going to try two different voices for these. Okay. So this is Mr. Beaver asking the questions in the voice that I've already given to this character. Who gave the longest filibuster, Wayne Morris, April 24th, 953, 22 hours and 26 minutes? And who spent the most time squatting a flagpole? Bill Penfold, 51 days, 20 hours. Good job. I think that was really good acting.

And if anyone is listening, please, uh, DM Alexi on Instagram or Twitter I will act in TV shows I will not do any student or short films How about feature films I would do a feature if it has a budget but if it's just a couple of mates

pointing a camera at me for one and a half hours while I eat a muckbang style I will not do it Have you guys done I don't think you have You should do an episode on flagpole sitting That was a that was the record that Alexi just said there is the McWhorters.

Did you know that was an actual trend in the 20s? It was like it became popular for people to climb up flagpoles and just sit on the top of them and see how long they could last. Was the record there 50 days? Yeah, one guy got 51 days and 20 hours. The previous record before, that was 13 hours. He smashed him. That's embarrassing.

Wow. There was a song in the 90s, I reckon, called Flagpole. Harvey Danger. Is it Harvey Danger? Yeah, it's all. I didn't know that was, didn't realize what that was referencing. Yeah, the popular trend. Flagball sitting.

How shit did the 20s sound? We have come across that a lot in the show where we'll talk about something happening in the old days and the whole town turns out for it, whatever it is. It's like some kid has been lost for a couple days. He's found. The whole town turns out there's fire twirlers and stuff like that. They were. wait like six days in the snow to see a train go by for eight seconds.

Oh my God. Once there were triplets or whatever the five version of triplets is and yeah, people came from around the world to see him. Sorry, the, can you ask you, the five version of triplets? Is that he said? Yeah. So is that 15 or? No, you go, where you go, single kids, you got double kids.

Triple kids, yeah. Normal. Double. I've heard double kids. Double kids. Then you got triples. Yeah. Then you got quadrupeds and then you've got the five version of triplets.

Yeah. Actually, now that you've said it, I realize I don't even know what the word is for the five version of triplets. Quintuplets. Quinn tuplets. Wow. One of my favorite directors. A bit clunky. The twins run phased by this grilling and successfully answer every single question.

So then Sir Hugh Beaver brings in his entire board of directors for the Guinness Company and they all start firing off questions while the McWhorters move on from steak and veggies to probably trifle and custard or Boisenberry cheesecake or macarons or something fancy. So were they waiting in the wings to come out? Yeah, there must have been in another room.

And he opens up double doors, I'm imagining, and then like 10 people file in, and they all have their own questions ready to go. What's the most exciting movie of all time? What's the coolest movie? Donnie Darko, got it written down now. Yeah. But Norris and Ross McWurter didn't miss a beat

and got every answer correct. Wow. After the last sloppy scraps of jam, cream and scones were gone. So I'm making up what they ate. But those scones there, what was the order? Did it go scone, then jam, then cream? Now, I think you do, I mean, I'll tell you what I do. I do jam first and then I pop dairy on top.

Am I correct? Fantastic. Correct, absolutely. That's the Guinness World Record for the most perfect scone. Thank you. Yeah, people that put cream on first, I think you're just fucking the knife up, and I don't really like that one bit. Thank you.

Yeah. It's probably a cream quality issue, Cam. So that's probably what's happening. Do you do cream first? Get a thicker cream. That's crazy to put jam on last. Now, Alexi, do you guys have scons in Greek? Yeah, we do, okay?

We put freaking yogurt on them, okay? Not pre. We do yoga and honey, okay? it's quite numb. That actually does sound good. That sounds awesome. That sounds delicious. After the last sloppy scraps of scones were gone,

Sir Hugh Beaver was convinced that these two know-it-all freaky-diki twins were just the guys for the job. He told them to make their way to his accounts department at Guinness Head Office and ask for as much money as they wanted to get a book out within the year. I just realized how scary it is that there's these two twins that just know everything. That's scary to me.

They know the answer to every question and they just share this like knowledge between them. That's more suspicious to me that there's something like ethereal and otherworldly going on here. And the IRA was so intimidated that they blew one of them up. Yeah, a little bit later. A little bit later on. We'll get to that.

But I might skip over it because it is a bit sad. They officially started the company, Guinness Superlatives, one of the great business names, and opened an office on Fleet Street, London, and embarked on an exhaustive 13-and-a-half-week research phase as they put together what would become the first Guinness Book of Records published 27 August 1555. Now, everyone, I want you to go around the room

and guess how many copies they sold on the first run? 30,000. Not bad. 15,000. 1,000. Jess is the closest. Oh. They sold zero copies.

Hugh... So Hugh... ...had a canny idea that he would give every copy away to all the pubs in the UK. At the time, there was 82,000 pubs in the UK. Oh, shit. Which you'd like. Matt, you're a beer guy.

It's right up your alley. My whole personality. then they reached out to bookstores and asked if they would like to stock it. Bookstores were suspicious of this strange little trivia book at first. Like this kind of thing didn't exist at the time. In fact, one retailer, W.H. Smith's predicted that it would be a disaster and only ordered six copies of the book for the entire United Kingdom. They sold all of them out within an hour or so.

Later that morning, they up their order to 100 copies, then 1,000 by the afternoon. and then by the end of the week, 10,000 copies, all by word of mouth from these drunks at the pub that raved about the book. Their second run, they sold 70,000 copies. They reprinted three more editions that year, and by December they were at the top of the British bestsellers list with 187,000 copies sold, not including the 82,000 that were given away at the start of the year.

The Guinness Book of Records was officially a publishing phenomenon. I can say it now. Yeah. And again, I just want to reiterate, that's not like a statement on how good the work of the McWhorters and Beaver were. It's more just like how shit culture was in 1955 that a trivia book blew up.

The team settled into a rhythm of one edition of the book per year, released around October to coincide with Christmas shopping. Over the years, many incredible records were made, including Alexi, this is where I'd like you to give us some amazing records. I've put together my favorite and most scary records from when I was a kid. One of them is for the smallest waste in the world for a living person. This is Kathy Young. She has held the Guinness World Record for most of our lifetime.

I remember her. And I do want to guess what object her waist is the same size as? Oh, I'm scared. A grape. Two grapes. Okay. A two grapes. Two-liter bottle of solo.

Matt, you're actually quite close. It is a jar of mayonnaise. This is what she says her, her waist of the size of. And she is currently 87 years old, and she still wears a corset every day because she can't do anything else about it. This is her lot in life now. She must wear a corset every day. Right.

So she corsets herself to the size of a jar. Into the size of a jar of. So she has got a normal size chest area, an extremely tiny waist area that has been corseted down, and then she has a regular size underneath that area as well. The cloaca of the female body. It's not to be said anything. So her rib cage and everything would be like,

would have just slowly changed how it was because of the corset. Jesus Christ. That's what corsets do. I don't think I understood that. They're made to make you actually change permanently your shape. Well, if you wear them that often and that tight with that purpose, I'm sure that's what happens. But if you just chuck it on to do a little burlesque number here or there,

probably won't do too much. But you can find out more about her on her website, cathy young.com. But check it out soon because she uses Adobe FlashPlay, which goes out of business very soon. And then we've also got the Ramos Gomez fan. and they are known as the largest hairy family. And... Yeah, I remember these.

These are a Mexican family that have... The entirety of their family of 19 people that span five generations all suffer a rare condition called congenital generalized hypertriciosis, which means they are hairy everywhere, including the face and the torso, including the ladies. The women are described as being... covered with a light to medium coat of hair while the men on the family have thick hair

approximately 98% of their body apart from their hands and feet. Yuck. Just imagine that. That's what you're known as. We're the hairiest family in the world. Like they applied to have this. Yeah, that's right.

It's not like they're telling Guinness to fuck off. And Guinness is like, no. People must know. Get us turned up on their doorstep with a certificate. Yeah, yeah, your neighbor's nominated you for this. Another one of my favorites who always terrified me is Kim Goodman, and she has the record for farthest eyeball pop. Oh, yeah, remember her. They often put her in the promo material, right?

Yes, she's everywhere. You can find videos of her online on Ripley's, believe it or not everywhere. know this lady, you know her because her eyeballs pop quite far out of her head. I don't know if you've ever seen a normal photo of her, but if you're imagining a lady with eyeballs dangling out of her head, that is her. She can pop them out 12 millimeters. Is this what Beaver wanted? Is this what when he started his dream? Is this where he saw it going? Can you imagine someone going up to those twins? Okay, okay, who has the biggest eyeball pop? Kim Goodman, she can pop it out 12 millimeters outside of her head.

Did it take long for it to go for like, fastest bird to sort of side show freaky records? It seemed like it happened kind of in about a decade and a half. It's sort of ramped up very quickly from sports and history and like agricultural facts. To amazing bodies. It feels like. If they're smashing one out every year, like a lot of those records probably wouldn't change every,

every 12 months. They've got to keep expanding. We've got to find new records. Here we're as people. Here is people. Yes. Yeah, good point. Yeah, the bird, there's no evolution.

Yeah, that bird is the fastest game bird until you kill every one of those birds. And you've tapped into something very apropos right now, which is that the book does begin to change over the next little while, specifically over the next two decades. I'm going to skip over most of the 60s, but to catch you up a little bit, it was a very groovy time, very sure. Shagadelic. Sir Hugh Beaver passed away in 1967,

tragically. It's just seem you that Dr. Evil got frozen. Yes, it was. He was survived by two daughters that he had with his wife, Jean, who was also his second cousin. Freaky, freaky stuff. Whoa. 60s does seem like an appropriate time for the beaver to be around, I guess.

The beave, he checked out. He checked out in 67. He said, I've seen it. I love. The McWhorters became like famous in a weird way. In the UK, they hosted a TV show called Record Breakers that started in 1972 and ran through to like 2001. They stopped being on it in the 80s.

But they were like these two freaky twins who people would quiz on world records and they would, it sounds like the worst show of all time. People just asking them questions and them answering. The English game shows are so strange. I've been watching a few this week. It's like they don't. real, the contestants don't seem to know the cameras are rolling. It's just like, they're doing it like half asleep.

It's so weird. You know, like, they'll have like all these shiny things going on and then they know, oh, yeah. Yeah. People weren't camera ready in the 70s and 80s. They didn't know. But now they're all stars. And men, like I mentioned, one of them was assassinated by the IRA. But I don't really want to talk about it.

I mean, you've brought up three times now. do want to talk about it. It's okay if you want to talk about it. I refuse to talk about it. It's incredibly fascinating, but it is also incredibly sad. Anyway... Because... Does what I said, do they have, like, you said political opinions? It's not because they were on this

quiz show where people were annoyed at them or something. No, people weren't like, we need to stop these know-at-old twins. They know too much. No, they became political conservatives, and anyway, it doesn't matter. But, um...

Was that, that was an IRA type accent there, Cam? I think pirates. I just kind of tried to pick generic, different accent to me. And then it's sort of... I don't know what it ended up as. It sounds as like Captain Barbosa or something. Oh, yes. We need to kill the Macquaritos.

You best start believing in fairy tales. You're in the Guinness World Records. Let's skip ahead a little bit. Slick rain for... falls on a soupy grey English morning. The morning is English because we are still in England. None calling from the underground, just so everyone knows. Yeah.

You can replace that with like the actual track when you guys edit this. But more important than where are we is when are we? Wow. We are in September in the year of our Lord 1999 and the first. first run of the Guinness Book of Records 2000 Millennium Edition has just hit the shelves. What's significant about this edition, you ask? Well, I'll answer. This is the first of the books as we know them today, a book made up mostly of pictures and illustrations with less printed records than in previous years, all bound within a shimmering silver, lenticular, holographic

embossed cover. Wow. Yeah. Right. That's the only kind of version I think. I think I know. So I assume they were always like that. They were previously very bold. They weren't holographic in the 50s. They had to invent hologram technology for these book covers. Wow. Yes.

This is the beginning of a new era for Guinness, one that will focus less on fact-finding and record-keeping and more on flashiness, commercial appeal to families, and most of all, corporate synergy. That becomes a huge part of this part of the report. During this decade and the next, Guinness will continue to sell roughly one million copies a year,

which is nothing to sneeze at, but there has been a significant drop-off during the 90s and the world of publishing is undeniably in a state of turmoil. Sorry to everyone who works in print media, but tragically, you are circling the drain right now. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed Flying Desferado positively in print media. Thank you so much.

Thank you so much. And we hope that you... We're using your final words to be in praise of us. We hope that you reskill and find a new medium. Perhaps even podcasting. Yeah, podcasting is forever. I agree. I agree.

Around the same time, rival record-setting companies like record setter or popular YouTube channels like Dude Perfect pop up to take away a significant bunch of eyeballs from the once unique Guinness brand. The only eyeballs that have stayed loyal to Guinness, are the bulging eyeballs of Kim Goodman, who we've heard about earlier. I actually found out that she discovered her popping eyeball talent one day when she was hit over the head.

And then her eyeballs popped out much further than usual. Ever since then, she could pop them out on her own free will. Further than usual. Further than usual. You know when you get hit upside the head and your eyeballs slightly pop out? Hers did it further than usual. time. During the 2000s, Guinness makes a deliberate move to change the business model, a move that shifts

away from celebrating the achievements of everyday human beings like us, and towards highlighting the incredible feats of big companies like Yahoo, Intel, United Biscuits, Red Bull, Nissan, Richard Branson, DHS, Pepsi, Subway, and Sony. Finally, we didn't have to hear about the triumphs a triumph of the human spirit, and we could watch multi-million dollar corporations get their moment in the sun for once. Thank you, Guinness. General Mills gets the record for the world's longest line of tacos.

For example, United Biscuits gets the record for the longest game of Dominoes. Yahoo did the world's longest yodel. And Bill Gates got a world record. That's son of a bitch. Actually, his is pretty good. It's for the world's largest donation to AIDS, research, which is weird. I mean, it's good that he did it, but it's weird to get a world record for that,

don't you? He definitely did it for the record. He asked, what's the current record? I'll beat that by $1. It was an obscene amount of money, but, you know, good on your bill, but you know, you don't need to be in the book for that. The way the business shifted is like this now. So a company, say Red Bull, will hire Guinness to consult with them on conceiving a new world record that they can create and then break for publicity. The team from Guinness will work together with the Red Bull team and they'll come up with something like the Red Bull Stratosphere jump or something with an extreme athlete attempting to become the first person

to break the sound barrier in free fall. They'll train for that. They'll publicise it. Guinness will send an official adjudicator, probably like the one that we tried to contact and stalked online. And if you DM me about acting, I will give you her personal details. I still have to have them on.

In fact, I saw her photo. Anyway, it doesn't matter. So she'll show up and so will the press. Red Bull will break the previously non-existent world record because they made it up and receive lots of media attention for their brand, all with the help and legitimacy of Guinness's prestige being attached to it. Guinness will do this for multiple companies every year, a service that Guinness has valued at $330,000 per record.

Wow. So this is why you can. get hold of them. Yeah, we don't have 313. Your 5 pounds isn't quite going to cut it, is it? Yeah, so it seems like even that $1,000, that's chump change to Guinness. They're happy to take it because it means nothing to them. Guinness World Records has stopped being a worldwide publishing phenomenon

and has effectively become an advertising firm, seamlessly mingling content with marketing. But that is not all. This is a little bit of info that I've actually pilfered from John. Oliver, the comedian and I guess he's kind of an investigative journalist like Alexi and I as well. Yeah, kind of, you know. He's funny, but we're exciting

when we do stuff like this as well, so. Yeah. Are you jealous of John Oliver? I actually am jealous of John Oliver's success. I wish I had it. I wish I hosted a satire news program. I'd watch that for sure. Yeah, I'd tune in or I'd like, you know.

I would get you to ride on the camera. All of us. would be writing on my program about me taking the Mickey out of the news. Okay, so this is a little bit crib from John Oliver. He reported it a couple of years ago on his show. It's not just big companies that are paying top dollar for Guinness Experience, but also authoritarian governments like Turkmenistan, whose dictatorial leader holds multiple world records,

including world's largest indoor ferris wheel, highest density of buildings with white marble clans. cladding world's largest marble horse head statue and the world's longest single-line bicycle parade. So they go over to Turkmenistan, they give all these world records to this like dictator, basically. They've also worked... We're big fans of Turkmenistan.

Oh, yeah. We did an episode about the previous one. This will be the current guy who got the job because he was the old guy's dentist. Oh, wow. Yeah. He might have passed on to his dentist by now, I'm not sure. No, it's still the same dentist.

The dentist is still in charge. He was in the news last week. Oh, is it the same guy? He built a giant gold statue of a dog. Oh, yes. Well, the good people at Guinness are there to think for it. They've also worked with the oppressive regimes of Saudi Arabia who have the world's largest flagpole and the world's largest cake

and the Dubai police force who holds 11 world records, including most consecutive formations formed by an unmanned aerial vehicles, which is just a bunch of drones, but they fly around into a bunch of shapes. It's all very scary. Cameron and I also just watched the movie Hannibal on our movie podcast Total Reboot, and there's literally a scene in it

where Clarice Starling gets the Guinness World Record for most kills by a female FBI agent. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know if they actually give that world record out in real life, but it's in line. Someone turns up in the uniform and hands Clarice like the big frame certificate.

She gets it in the mail. She opens it's like, God damn it, I just got the Guinness World Record. That is actually in the movie. What? So they have a history of working with people like this. They're part of Big Hannibal. That's right.

Okay, so what does all of this mean? Now look, Alexei and I are just humble comedians, but we are also critical. critically acclaimed investigative journalist for the Australian Broadcasting Corporation. And we're not humble about that part. We're not bad about the comedy. The rest of it, I'm very proud of it.

Very proud. And it is our professional opinion that what all of this means is that Guinness is fucked, allegedly. They began life as a drunken argument by a rich guy who is bad at shooting birds. They evolved from a book of pub trivia to a TV show to a worldwide publishing phenomenon

in the 20th century that showcased real people achieving real world firsts. Since then, Guinness have devolved into a glorified advertising agency that specialises in lionising already ubiquitous and borderline evil brands like Coca-Cola and making custom-made propaganda for authoritarian dictators for undisclosed fees that must be in the millions. A lot has changed over the last 65 years to this day. one thing has remained constant. The world record for the fastest ever game bird is held by the golden plover. Oh, he was right all along.

Was he or did he just make this whole thing to fucking stick it to his mates from beyond the grave? So that is the story of the Guinness World Records, a book that holds the record for the most best-selling copyrighted book, selling over 100 million copies in 100 countries in over 37 languages, a fact that I read in itself and they refused to speak to Alexei and I for their podcast so we fucking hate them. Thank you. Thank you so much.

What a great report. That was great. So do they still make the book at all? Is that printed annually anymore or not at all? They still make the book. You can check it out at your local dimmicks or borders to establishments that I don't think exist anymore. That's how long as

since I bought a book. The new one comes out just in time for Christmas every single year. The 2020 edition comes out right now and no, we are not in it

as world's youngest podcaster we did not make the cut this year. We did not. I just remembered the scariest record when I was growing up, Alexi, was, Kay mentioned that they had a TV show in the 90s and 2000s

and they had an interview with a guy who was on there because he had the world's most deadly flesh-eating bacteria. Oh my words. And he had both these legs and possibly an arm amputated. That was the only way to stop this thing. And it eaten away in like 40 hours or something.

And the only thing he remembered doing, because he was just in America and he just got it, was he banged his leg on a table at home on the dining table. And I was watching this as a seven-year-old thinking, well, I can never touch a dining table again. Dinner at the coffee table in front of the TV from now on. Oh, good Lord. Yeah, honestly, that scared me a lot.

They just shouldn't put that on television, I don't think. Especially on a kids show. So before calling an ambulance, he called Guinness. I got something for you. I got a scoop. Send an adjudicator right now. Send it adjudicated to me. I've got the scoop.

My leg's disappearing in front of my very eyes. He thought that his parents just didn't meet in time in the 1950s at a dance. But tragically, he was a flesh-hitting bacteria. That's horrifying stuff. That is so good. Now, before, we normally do a whole Patreon shout-out section after this, but we will not make you hang around for that. So, before you head off-off.

We'd love to. We'd love to hang out for the Patreon. Goes about half an hour. Yeah, cool. Alexi will stick around for it. So, yeah. We weren't even going to invite you because really we like you too much. Thank you, thank you.

But thank you to all the Patreon supporters from Cameron and I, the beloved creators of Finding Desperado. Yeah, which is a great podcast. Jess and I didn't jump in before. We had Matt saying he'd only listened to the first episode, but three times. Jess and I have listened every week. Yes.

And we love it. I'm saving the most current episode. And I told both of you with Finding Drago, that I was saving it for a road trip I was going on. So I listened to Finding Drago like a little too late, but I was saving it. This one, I'm still saving for car trips, and I listened to the first three episodes

driving to the beach with my partner, and now I can't listen to the next episode until we're both in the car together. Oh, no. I'm sorry. Because now I can't listen without him, or I'll be that asshole. All right. Well, it looks like it's the last man standing. I am your biggest fan.

I listen every single week. Yes. I just said it took me three guys listened to the first one. I've listened to them all since then. Just took a couple of false starts, that's all. Yeah, I think, unfortunately, Matt is still number one fan because he gave us those two extra plays on the first episode.

And that means a lot to the ABC. They said, get a couple of your friends to listen to it a few extra times. All about them algorithm. Yeah, gets it up the chart. And I've got to say, we love great names on this podcast. We come across people from history with great names, for example, Hugh Beaver absolutely goes down and there. But one, you say every week on your show, and I love their work,

the music on your show is fantastic, but I get excited everywhere. I've never met this person, but you say music by Luca Barone Peters. And that name gets stuck in my head for some reason. It's a hell of a name. A rhythmic name. Hell of a name. He's a great guy. He's one of my best friends from film school,

and he has made music for me very often. The music is so good. Love it. Awesome. It's a beautiful sound. The founding show. Yeah, production island's awesome, guys. But it's not your only hit podcast show.

You've also got Total Reboot, which is a weekly show where you go through the reboots and the remakes. And rip-offs of cinema. Yeah. We've had you on the show. We did the original Disney Aladdin movie with you. Oh, that's right. Yeah, we did a crossover event between primates and Total Reboot. Because we would talk about the gorgeous monkey aboom.

Oh, beautiful. He's a handsome little fella. What a handsome and cheeky monkey. Yeah, very cheeky. Turned out to be. He did turn out to be quite cheeky monkeys. But yeah, that's our podcast. A show we've talked about on this, probably not for a while.

We used to talk about a fair bit. We all love Mike Check. Is that still hanging around in the background? We keep saying we're going to do, because Mike Myers, for anyone who doesn't know what this is, We had a podcast all about the films of Mike Myers, and we went through all of his films and then some. But he came back last year. He was in two movies.

One of them was Bohemian Rhapsody, which we wanted to never see because we don't like the director. We think he's not a good guy. He's not a good guy. We'll go on the record, allegedly quite a piece of shit. Oh, no. It was a Brian Singer. Is that his name?

Yes, Brian Singer. Right. One of the worst guys you can picture. You've just ruined old X-Files, no, X-Men movies. Yeah, I know. Tragically, you can't go back. But the X-Files are still okay, right? X-Files are still.

Better than ever, actually. We love the X-Files movies. We love the one with Billy Connolly. That one is so good. But yeah, so I've watched Bowe-Rap because Alexi said I had to watch it because we were going to review it the following week, and then Alexi just never watched it.

So we've never reviewed it And now I've just seen this fucking movie Cameron's got it locked and ready to go Once I pull the trigger and watch Bowrap There will be a whole new mic check episode out But I really don't want to watch it So it might be some time And it was the podcast of course

That inspired primates I sent Alexia A very earnest message asking for permission I kissed the ring Yeah I still remember the email We're just like hey I wanted to do a podcast where I talk about monkeys in movies, is it too similar to

Mike check? I'm like, what the fuck you're talking about? Do you think Mike Myers is a freaking monkey, dude? Maybe Chris Catan is, but not Mike Myers. I'm like, I don't even know if Mike Myers has even been in one movie with one monkey. He has been

in a sketch with a monkey. Yes, of course. Dita, of course. The host of Sprockets, he loves to say, touch my monkey, touch it. He has a little pet monkey. Oh, well, maybe there's a future primates episode there. But I, yeah, no, I think it was because I just directly was inspired by your show that I thought, I can't, I am, in my head, I knew I was ripping you off, even if it's not that clear from the outside.

So I felt guilty about it. I felt guilty even having the idea. I needed to get your permission. Well, we absolve you of your guilt. You may begin that podcast that you asked you about. And we wish you all the best on your podcasting journey. Thank you so much. Thanks so much for joining us.

It has been an absolute pleasure. Thanks for having us. We love the show. I listen to this show when I'm driving the car. So I'm much like Jess Perkins. Yes, I've always said that. Yes, but I never drive to the beach. Because you're listening, it's just a stone throwaway.

We walk to the drive. We walk to Bondi Beach every single. single day and we absolutely love it folks. And we surf with all the other Aussies and we love it here. Can't wait to check out Melbourne next time I was even thinking of going up to

Brisbane. All right, we're going insane. Thank you. Thank you so much guys. You can check out all your podcasts including Fighting Desperado and all the podcast apps and I believe you've convinced ABC to let you go on Spotify. So congratulations. Yes, we're that one of the first ABC podcast to be allowed on Spotify.

Finding Desperado is on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and Google Podcasts and Podbean, I believe. I don't know what that is, but someone has said Podbean to me and I thought it sounded very funny. Yeah, whichever podcatcher you use. Whether it be Podbean or one of the more mainstream podcatches, you can listen to it there. Every six months to say, we get an email from Podbean saying, someone has commented on your podcast. about twice a year

it's a real thrill thanks pottsin thanks so much for having us guys really appreciate it thank you so much well now it's time for everyone's favorite section of the show and I knew that was coming

it wasn't just because Dave pointed at me dramatically it's the fact quote or question section which has a jingle I think that goes a little something like this Fact quote or question ding I always remembers the ding

and the way to get involved in this is to go to Petron com slash do go on pod and you can support us on the Sydney-Shaunberg Deluxe Memorial Edition level. Rest in peace for the great man. And if you're on this level, you get all the delicious goodies from the levels below, including three bonus episodes per month. Yum, yum, yum, yum. You get a newsletter every week written by Jess and with bits written by me and Dave. We'll lap it up.

You get Facebook group access. You get voting rights. You get other things. Once a year, we'll send out a Christmas card. Those are already been sent. But get in for next year. Yeah, you've got to get in now for next year. Thankfully, Christmas, it keeps coming.

Thank God it does. I love Khrushmi. No, you do. You love it. Love it so much. But let's get into the facts, the quotes and the questions. This is what you get. if you are on the Sydney-Sharmberg level,

you get to give us a factor quota of question. You also get to give yourself a title. Firstly, this week, we have Saraj, who has given himself the title of Chief Sauter, do go on hate mail and complaints department. That's handy. I mean, I don't think your job's too busy, hopefully, Saraj, is it?

Well, have you been diverting them all from our... He's that good. We've never seen that many. Thanks so much, Siraj. He only passes on the top shelf hate. You know what, Saraj does pass on though, or he did at a recent live stream, he sent in, I don't know if you realize this, because I ate most of them two boxes of donuts. Oh yeah, I enjoyed those. Thank you so much, Farage.

One of them I took home and cut open later, and I didn't know what was going to be inside. And it was like a cheesecake. What? Whoa. Cheezcake inside a donut. Yeah. That's crazy. It was.

Crazy good. Yeah. So Sarage has offered us a fast. this week and his fact is you've made 2020 enjoyable or at least bearable thank you so much Siraj's that's a great fact

I thought I was going to lead to some with that no no you're right he does continue on I don't read these until I read them so I didn't realize now that I scroll down I say it does go on okay thanks Sirash I thought that was his fact me too I was like quite a great fact just wanted to say thanks to all of you for always being a bright spot in the week or day

for those of us catching up on back catalogs and helping us get through this monstrosity even more so than Matt Scones of a year. Thanks. Oh, hang on. Got in a little side swipe of my scones. Second time I brought him up on this episode. I wasn't going to touch it

because when he talks scones, I'm like, oh. Here we go. I'm not, I know he probably does him wrong, but I'm not going to bring it up. If you're assuming people are doing it wrong, if the majority are doing it wrong, are they doing it right? Wow. Most people do do it wrong.

Oh, you're going to... Sorry, Dave, you're telling me what, the number one song this week is the best song. Yes, the popular vote. Okay. Hack mentality. I'm all about it. Thank you. What do you guys think?

Yeah. That's me. I disagree. No, no. Oh, yeah, yeah, you would, you contrarian prick. Yeah, you contrarian prick. I mean, I genuinely... Yeah, good one.

Genuinely do, like, uh, with cream on first, and then a little dollop a jam. I feel like it changes. the texture, but I don't mind switching around every time. It does make it taste a little bit different somehow. I don't understand how. Maybe because it's not soggy from the cream soaking in. No, Matt, like, it's not as fun. Are you using, what kind of creamy?

Are you using milk? Are you using a creamy from Vermont? Yeah, I'm just putting milk on it and it gets all soggy. No, cream should make it soggy. Well. Bickin your cream. It should be thicker than plaster. Gotta be, it should be, it should be quite big.

It should be solid? Yeah, ideally it'd be. quite solid. Land a plane on it. Yeah. So I used to say when I worked as a barista, it's all really, it's really frothed better than

full cream milk. So if you're making a baby chino, for example, you're going to use some skinny milk there. And what you do is then you froth it, bang it on the table, let it sit for a second, then you go, land a plane on that, and everyone around you laughs.

That's great. How many times you use that? It's four times a day. I didn't know that you worked as a barista. There you go. Yeah. You know you're in a way around a coffee machine really well, then. Because for me, as a non-coffee drinker and non-coffee maker,

I'll look at that thing in awe. Yeah. It looks really hard. I mean, I, I mean, it was a long time ago and for a short period of time. But I don't think I'm a, I'm not a, I can't do, like, cool latte art. You know what I mean? Mm. But I can make a coffee.

Yeah, the most important part is that it looks good. Hey, you drink with your eyes. You do the way I do it. I don't know. A lot about coffee art, but I know what I like. Delicious coffee. Pouring it in my eyes. Oh, God, it hurts so good.

Come on, baby. Thank you so much, Saraj. That was very nice. What a nice fact. He's a love Saraj. I was... I was blushing. You still are.

It's embarrassing. Is it too much to say that I'm in love with Soros? Oh, yeah, that's too much. Okay. Well, I won't say it. Just double checking first. There's a line and you would have crossed it, but you didn't. Oh, thank God.

That was a very close call. Quetta clarified. The next one comes from Sophie, Shooter. Or Shooter. She has corrected me on this. I always said Shooter and it's not that. So I'm going to say again, Sophie, Tutor. Great.

No? I thought it was Shooter. Maybe I'm... Sophie, I'm so sorry. You've done both there. Okay, great. We're covered all right. Yeah, Tudor.

Pick which one's right? I reckon it's Tudor. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry. I threw a spanner in there. Yeah, he really did. Sophie has given herself the title of Lady.

of the principality of Sealand. Oh, my lady. This is genuine. Thanks to a birthday present from my husband. Yes. Wow. That's great. Hey David, her husband has come through with the goods.

Yeah, look, Australia Post, I don't know what they're doing anymore. For those that don't know after we did an episode about Sealand and Dave won too much money for liking pies. He promised that he was going to buy Jess and I titles from Sealand. Yeah. And he has not come through with the goods. Both of our birthdays have been and gone. I'm waiting for the right special occasion. Well, Christmas is coming.

Yeah, Christmas coming up pretty soon. That would be great. That would be awesome. I'd love that for Christmas. I'd love that too, the thing that you promised this. I'll get you a Guinness Book of World Records. I'd also love a Christmas present too. I get you one every year.

Yeah, he does. You do. And we forget every year. But Dave always remembers and then we go, fuck, he's done it again. Yeah, it feels so good. And he always goes, oh no, you know, it's just not that nice. But he, like, you know he went shopping. specifically for us.

I'm going to get you something this year. No, I'm going to get either of the titles. It just slips more on. All right, Dave, I'll get you something as well, but Matt, let's not get each other anything. I love that. This is from... I love that.

I'm happy to do it either way. I love it either way. But if you don't want to... I'm not going to force a present under you just to embarrass you. Oh, you actually meant you weren't going to get me. Sophie writes, another fact here.

If you eat about five large carrots every day for a couple of months, your skin can start to turn orange. I think this is a science experiment that Matt could and should try out. I agree. I want to do that too. I do love carrots. I love carrots. And I would love get a bit of colour in my pale pale complexion.

Orange is a colour. Yeah, it could match the beard all the way up. Five a day is a lot though, isn't it? Is that a lot for a you think? Yeah, I could, yeah, I would probably eat about a carrot a day now. So it would be taken up, well, fivefold. Fivefold, ish. Oh, yeah.

I mean, I have to check the maths there, but I think that's fair. I don't think it's every day, but there'd definitely be days where I might have three carrots. How are you eating them as sticks? Yeah, I'll have, like, carrots and, like, some hummasses, a little snack. That's a good cover. And then there might be a carrot in my dinner, you know? Okay. So I could get that to three.

Someone put a carrot in my dinner, waiter. There's a carrot in my dinner. There's a carrot. Thank you so much, Sophie. Great fact. And yeah, if there's a carrot producer, who wants to sponsor me, I will eat five of your product a day.

Absolutely. I don't know how long I have to do it for. Two months. And does it go away again? Because I don't know if I want to be permanent. Yeah, go away. Sure that reset, yeah. Thank you so much, Sophie.

This next one comes from Rob DeMann. He's put in brackets, Dammon or Dumban, And if you're feeling silly, well, I am. I am Rob. And Rob's given himself the title of Director of Getting Down and Being Proud. All right. Live your best life.

Rob writes, and this is a fact. Quick, Jess, call Dave a dickhead. Pause. Huh. I bet Dave did Nazi that coming. I live. Wait, quick, Jess. Well, you didn't give me a chance.

Oh, sorry. Quick Jess called David Dickhead. David Dickhead. What? I bet he did Nazi that coming. I fucked it up by not... It actually says pause and I didn't pause. You read pause, though.

Yeah. That's because when I listen to music with a pause and I'll say pause. Yeah, you love saying pause. One of my favorite things to hear in the distance is Matt go, pause. The in excess episode of Listen Now, Sam and I both did at the same point.

I'm like, oh, maybe it's a family thing. That's beautiful. It's a beautiful inexis. excess pause and we both went, pause. That's a beautiful moment. A beautiful moment. Rob continues. Oh, he continues.

Sorry, I did not see that coming. I don't know if you quite get it, but he writes, I live in mid-Minnesota, Minnesota, big fan of the show, found you guys through the weekly Planet Pod. Hey, shout out to those guys. Love Mesa and James. I was listening to an old bookcheat just this week. It had James on it.

And I'm like, how good is that guy at podcasting? He's so good. As is Claire, who was also on. Oh, was we talking Sherlock Holmes or Ernest Hemingway? Talking Scherlick Holmes. Yes. Because I've just listened to the audio book of Stephen Fryton that story. Oh, yes.

And now I'm getting you to recap it. Because you were talking about it and I said, oh, I've done that on the show, yeah. The something in Scarlet. Study in Scarlet. And then I, because I had been, and I still am listening to Sherlock, as I'm going to sleep each night. And that night I'm like, I'll listen to Dave. And I was, I'd listen to half the episode.

I'm like, I'm less, I'm further away from sleep than when I began. This is too motherfucking stimulating. I'd have to turn it off and put some boring old Stephen Fry back on. That's the power of Mr. Sunday movies. Yeah. Clare Tanti. Anyway, I digress. Rob, continues.

I work in construction and I'm in a very loud environment all day and have been binging your pod for the last couple of months. So thanks. Keep up the good work, Dave. Keep laughing, Jess, and keep showing up Matt. Oh, no, I was the punchline. Oh, no. Did you not see that coming?

I did not see that coming. Works and construction, is that not what Tony Suprano used to say? Just saying. Oh, hello. Wow. Wow. Wow. Is all I will say. Wow.

He says, update on your column. I mean, we haven't got to a fact. yet, I don't think. I mean, there's probably plenty of facts in here. It's a fact that he got to us through the weekly planet, etc. Great fact. Update on your collar murder episode. Brian Wells was not in on the robbery. There is a docker on Netflix now.

It's pretty heartbreaking. Yes, right. That Netflix, I never watched it. Did you guys watch it? Yeah, I watched it. The Collar Bum Heist was the episode. Was that me? Did I do that report?

No. No, I did. You did the report. Was it not? Oh, no, the documentary came out after. Not long after. Yeah, right. And that's why on our YouTube episode,

version of that episode, we got a few views and a lot of people not enjoying us, not taking it seriously enough. Yes, but I have been reliably informed but they do not mention the cheese or butter rooms. Yeah. In the Netflix show,

and I just think that's poor journalism. That is poor journalism. What the fuck is a point? If you're going to tell the story, tell all of the story. Exactly right. Why are you leaving out important facts? She's got a buttery and then a cheese room.

Very disappointing. Rob finally says, in Arizona, it's illegal. Oh, this is the fact. In Arizona, it's illegal for a donkey to sleep in a bathtub. In the 1920s, a local dam broke flooding a rancher's home. The rancher's donkey had become accustomed to sleeping in a bathtub, which filled with water and whisked him miles away. After working to rescue the animal,

the town passed a law that prohibits. donkeys from sleeping in the tub. Wow. But if he likes doing it, he cares where he sleeps. He's accustomed to it. That's right. Imagine that the town just not going up to

the donkey's owner and saying, hey, can you stop doing that? Because for some reason it affects us. They say, no, we're going, we're taking us the town meeting. We're going to ratify it in the town council. We're putting pen to paper. Wow. That's a wild fact.

I love, I don't know, you know this about me, but I love getting in that bathtub. I'm a bit of an ass, if you know what I mean? And finally, we've got Vincenzo, Vinny, Giovanni, Bonadonna. I know, a dog called a Vincenzo. Oh, fantastic. Not this guy, though. Vincenzo is no dog. No dog at all.

And Vinny asks a question. He's got a preamble. Since it's almost Thanksgiving when I'm writing this, has it passed? It's passed now. By the time this comes out, yes. when I'm writing this. I would like to say I'm thankful two things that exist in my life.

One, voice acting slash work. Two, watch Mojo Top 10 videos. Following on from that, I don't, I don't understand what it means. Does that make sense? Are you guys? Are they just genuine things he's thankful for?

Yeah, I think that was just me like a countdown series on YouTube that I think that they're a fan of. Gotcha. Oh, actually, maybe he does the voice work for Mojo Top 10 videos. is that what I say.

Sorry, Vincenzo. It's getting late here and I'm already slow to begin with. Vincenzo, continue. Starting with number two, I don't really care for watch Mojo videos anymore. Okay, maybe I was wrong with it. But I found Mr. Sunday movies through them and that brought me to Planet Broadcasting

and a plethora of great podcasts. And at number one, at a young age, I enjoyed radio talk shows and things like that. as well. I enjoy different accents. I've found that the Australian accent is most pleasing to my ears in the podcast slash radio form. I feel like I've butchered every inch of that. Do you, you following what I'm saying? I'm now, I'm looking at Watch Mojo is a YouTube channel that top 10 lists on music, TV, film and video games. We publish four or more top tens daily, and they have 23 million subscribers, so they are very, very popular. But obviously, he's not

that big a fan of them anymore. But it did deliver him here. Anyway, Vincenzo, Vinny's question is, what accents do you guys like or enjoy? Or whose voices in particular? Irish and Scottish are very nice. I love a beautiful Spanish voice. Yeah, I love the New Zealand accent. Yeah, New Zealand's really nice. I love staying with the Spanish-specific people.

I love Raphael Nadal in the press conference after a tennis match. It's a good one. South African one, I'm a fan of. It can be very funny, but it's also just like, I think it's a nice accent. Aunty Donner used it pretty well in their Netflix series. I don't think there are any, I can't think of an accent I don't like. I like accents. Yeah.

Because you always find other accents interesting. I don't really think about Australians much. I love it. England's got so many in, you know, in. You know, in sort of small amount of space. Yes, that's amazing how different they are. I also love many of the accents from the Caribbean. Oh, yeah, beautiful.

Like the Caribbean? Yeah, from the Caribbean, sorry, to say it correctly. Yeah, I think both are acceptable. But I, and it's the same in America. They've got so many accents as well. And in Canada, eh? I mean, Canada is in America. Do you think about it?

Say again. So thank you, Vincenzo, Rob, Sophie and Saraj for those facts, those quotes and those questions. You can get involved with that. Like I say, at patreon.com slash 2GonPod. We also like to thank a few of our other supporters. And just normally comes up with a little game before we do that relating to the topic. We give them a record. Oh, that makes sense.

What do you reckon? Oh, great. Made for it. Well, if I could kick things off, I would love to thank from Irmsworth innings. I imagine they have fantastic accents. I'd love to thank Adam Osbourne and Danielle Reid. Double power, a bit of a power couple. Oh, what can they do together?

What about world's longest tandem bike ride? Oh, that's nice. How long they ride for? Like all the way around the world. Get fucked. Even when they got onto a ferry, they're peddling the whole time. They rode up into like something that caught the wheel and they just keep peddling. That sounds awful.

The whole world. That would be brutal when you know it's not actually helping you move. Or is it powering the ferry? Yes. Oh, okay, now I'm in. It's also powering your own sense of self-satisfaction. No. Wow.

So no breaks. Oh, no, it's one of those records where it's like they went around the world, but it took them 11 months. Right. Yeah, right. Oh, that sounds, that could be nice. Yeah, so they've seen every continent. But they do stop to sleep and eat.

Yes, but they sleep and eat on the bike. Oh, dear. No, that's not true. Yeah, okay, great. Thank you so much, Adam and Danny. Good luck on the ride. I would also love to thank from Agora Hills in California, yeah, in the United States.

John McNamee. John McNamee. John has the record, like I've started this sentence. Fantastic. With no idea where I'm going. With the most eyebrows. Most eyebrows. Multiple eyebrows.

Yes. Whoa. So there's like, you think you've got eyebrows? You've got two. got two. I would have thought I'm clubhouse leader so far. No, John has three sets of eyebrows above those. Oh. So like Adidas.

No, Adidas stripes plus one. Yeah. Oh, the kid going up. So if he's shocked, you're like, holy shit, he's shocked. Holy shit, that guy is shocked. Let me tell you. Yeah. Whoa.

That's, yeah, that's a great record. And did he have to shave them in? Like, did he have just a, No, it's natural, but you only discovered it when he was hit over the head. Oh, wow. Okay, I love that. Thank you so much, John McNamee. What a fantastic record you hold.

And I would finally love to thank from Sutherland in New South Wales, Australia, Benjamin Luke Waters. Ooh. Luke Waters, you'd think he'd have a nickname, Worm, right? Luke Worm Waters. Yeah, absolutely. Warmy. Do you think he'd be known as warmie?

Yeah. He has the record for most consistent temperature created by his mouth. Wow. So he's like blowing... Luke warm air. He's blowing bubbles into water and it keeps it... To the Miller temperature. Whoa.

Miller degree. Miller degree. Yeah. Militam. Wow. Yeah, he keeps it right of the same temperature. What temperature is it? Beautiful temperature of all.

69 degrees. 69 degrees. Yes. Nate. Yeah. It's in a two for two. Paranite or? Celsius.

Probably Fahrenheit. Celsius, that's very hot. That's quite warm. It's really hot. He's a dragon. That is too hot for a spa. Yeah. Yeah, it's too hot for a spa.

But not quite hot enough to boil the kettle. No. Okay. You really are a barista. Yeah, I know. I know what temperature of, shit boils that. It feels like we're running out of puff.

It's quite late at night. Come on, all right, let's keep this going. I would like to thank now. So thanks those legends. I would like to thank from Kitchener in Ontario, Canada, Justin Goddley. Oh, okay. World record for longest

vertical swim up a waterfall. Wow. Amazing. Like a salmon going up. Yeah. He's like a salmon. Wow. The human salmon is what he's marketed as.

Amazing. Justin Goddley, the human salmon. That's incredible. All the way up. Yeah. And he swam all the way up. The highest one so far is only the third highest waterfall in the world. He's still attempting to top the first and second.

Right. Waterfalls. Which are K1 and K2. I can only think number one is the Angel Falls in Venezuela. Yeah. Number two. Fuck you're a nerd sometimes. I call that K1.

Fuck you're a big old nerd. Who knows about that? Who knows about... What are you one of the bloody McQuirder twins? Dave McSquirder over here? McSquirting facts out is. His tiny tush. Yeah, I squirt out my tush.

Thank you to Ryan Goddley. Sorry, Justin Dudley. I would like to thank now from Watford in England. Damon Rycroft. Damon obviously has the world record for the most convincing impression of Dwayne the Rock Johnson. That's so good. Anyway, I was thinking, honestly. No, but can you save it or can you, okay, no, just go.

It was going to be world's best impression of Shane Warren. Can he do it? both. Yes, absolutely, yes. He's very good. He's got two records, actually. Wow. If you smell what Damon Rycroft is spinning.

Chain of one. Yes, spin bowler. Spin king, the sheik of tweak. Great nickname. That is a great. That is such a great name. Great nickname. Mine's a scientist.

Thank you so much to Damon Rycroft. I would like to... That is a good nickname, too, the scientist. Not a scientist. I'd like to think from... San Diego in California Todd Gladden.

Oh, that's a great name. Who holds the record for the world's longest umbilical cord. Oh. His? Yeah, yeah. Or owner of?

No, it's his and he has not cut it off. Really? Right. So I still, he's sort of on the leash, so to speak, from his lung. Do they not fall off eventually? No.

I think they're meant to. I mean, but this is the longest one ever. He's like to glued it on. It's 48 metres long. If I'm picturing this right, if he followed that, back to its source, it would be up his mum. Unless it's been detached from his mum and he's just walking around with a rotting umbilical cord.

48 metre long umbilical cord. Yeah, Dave, this was a great one. But when you said still attached, you meant to him. To him. I thought. No, yeah, I thought both. So he could go bungee jumping on that if you wanted to. It's up his mum.

Mom, you hold tight. Mom, grab that little shrub. Mom, have you got a good grip on it? Grab the shrub. Just look on your faces. You're going, if he followed that. Yeah, it'd be up his mum. On your, Todd.

Thanks, Todd. Is it my turn? Oh, yeah. Hooray. I would love to thank from Edinburgh in Scotland. I'd love to thank Clara O'Shea. That's an Irish name. I'm a big fan of that name.

That's an incredible name. Clara O'Shea. I'm seeing chickens and eggs. They love these. They love egg-related records. They're often smashing with her head, but not in this case. This is the world record for the amount of eggs matched to the mother hen. Wow.

She gets them all and she goes, this is that hens. And she returns them all to. How many hens? It was actually 33,462 million. Wow. Hens. How many eggs? Well, two apiece.

You do the sums. I can't. I've forgotten the first number. 66 billion or something like that. Yeah, it's got a few. Wow. Did she match back like an entire year supply of eggs? Yeah.

It was. Yeah, it was a big undertaking. What percentage of accuracy? Oh, within 0.41%. Yeah. Fuck. Wow. That is incredible.

Why is she not a household name? Well, I don't know. I have no idea, yes. And the question you ask makes me furious. Why isn't she a household name? It's wild. She should be. It's bullshit.

It's bullshit. I scream her name from the rooftops. I know. I've heard. Clara O'Shea, matching them eggs. Yeah. And people are going, shush, shush. Yeah.

It's the middle of the night. I'm like you shush. Yeah. If you start sitting around the dinner table saying, Cloriochet this, Clara is shay that, then I will shush. Yep.

But until that day, I will be yelling away. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Doing God's work. I appreciate that. And so does Clara. Thank you, Clara. I would also love to thank for a masham in great

I like that. Yeah, I like that too. I'd like that too. Thanks. Stefan Headley. Mashan. Stefan from Masham. What about our world's wobbliest wheelbarrow?

Oh, wow. Must be really wobbly. What is Stefan Dunn here? What does Stefan done to be included in this? He loses to the wheels. But he's learned to cope with it. Do you know how hard that is? He doesn't spill a thing.

He's done over his entire garden using the wobbliest wheelbarrow. That is good. Wow. Now, I'm... He's really impressive. Fuck you. That's why you are the pun master. No.

But a master bows down to a king. What bliss wheelbarrow? I mean, come on. That's very good. And he's done a really good job. He's done a great job. Don't take that away from him. No, Matt, come on.

What do you think? He loosened some wheels. I didn't realize. For at least scale. In the book, there's a photo of him next to the wheelbarrow at least. Yeah. Can't just have a wheelbar on its own. He's blurry because he's trying to hold on and they just...

Whoa, whoa, whoa. It's amazing. Most people would fall over, but he, amazing balance. Anybody else to get pushed around at a wheelbarrel on as a kid? Oh, I love that. That was so fun. So wobbly. Yeah.

You know? So wobbly. It's a bit dangerous. But imagine that, but the wobbliest possible. Oh, my goodness. Gracious me. That's the poor man's unicycle. Yeah, big time.

Probably there. Yeah. Maybe it's the other way around, actually. Well, yeah, if you can't have. water bike with two wheels. Think of wheelbarrow is really the rich man's unicycle because it's actually useful. Yeah, you can put stuff in it. The trailer, that was on, I remember.

That'd get in the trail before a holiday. Yeah. Push it from the back to the front and you'd have to sit on the back to counterweight it. So, what a thrill. That's fun. That 20 metre ride. Wee! Oh man, I felt like, you know, the world was full of possibilities for that five to ten seconds.

Anything's possible. You're like, Dad, take your time. Do a loop. Oh, my God, Dad, please do a loop. Thank you for giving us that opportunity to go down memory lane, Stefan, with your wobbly wheelbarrow. Wobble it. World's a wobbliest wheelbarrow. This is really fun to say.

And finally, from a little closer to home in Marambina here in Victoria, I'd love to thank David Seres. Might be series, Ceres, probably. Marambina, where Chism played their first ever concert. Is that where Duncan McKinnon Reserve is? I think it is. Dave? You know all sorts of bullshit. A little kind of area, I think, yeah.

Yeah. It's in that. Duncan McKinnon, really? Yeah. That's funny. What about, um, record holder for, um, world's most value got at an all you can eat buffet. Oh.

So, wow. He skipped the bread rolls. Yeah. Oh, no. He went for only value density. So he went straight. He went in for, The lobsters.

Seafood. Steak. Steak. A very expensive. Truffles. Soup. Front onion soup. Yeah, very expensive soup.

A bottle of champagne. It's a very fancy. Yeah. The gold ring. Lobbobob. Gold ring lobobobob. Did not fill up on bread. No way.

Certainly no bread. No pizza. No very little carbs at all. No bottomless soft drink. Basically none of the good stuff. Yeah. All the delicious stuff. Garlic bread.

Within three plates, they've gotten like $700 worth of food. Oh, yeah, right. That's good. Pretty good stuff. Very impressive, yeah. Well done. Where is this buffet with lobsters and... Pizza Hut.

Pizza Hut, Marambina. Oh, wow. Have you been out there? That's a hidden gem. Yeah. I don't think Melbourne still had a dine in pizza, but... Marimina. I mean, if everyone knew about it, they'd be out of business.

Right. They are giving away gold-pleted lobsters in there. All you can eat buffet. It is. really bad. And their business idea is not to tell people about it so they don't lose too much money. That's smart business.

It's a, you know, word of mouth kind of. Exactly. If you know, you know. Exactly. It's like a speak easy. You got to know the code word. You got it in the code word is I know Duckie. Dougie, what a guy.

The guy from the Australian pizza hard ads in the 90s and early 2000. I remember one time he asked for a 10th. and their guy said, he said, work hard and be good to your mother. And that was a big hit ad, big hit ad. I'm like, ah, that's not what he meant, mate. He meant money. He wanted to cash money.

Can I have extra money, please? All right. Well, that brings us to the last bit of business we do, thanking our brilliant patron supporters. if it wasn't for our supporters, this show would not exist. So we can't thank you enough. These next people are being inducted into the Triptage Club. I'm standing at the door.

We've got the velvet rope ready to lift. You've got the clipboard in my hand. I'm going to read out four names this week. After I read them out, Dave will hype them up. So they're coming into the club feeling good about themselves. Dave's not always that confident in the way he hipes them up. So Jess then hipes up. Dave.

Thank you. Dave's also book. a band, Jess got some horser, or food of some sort and a drink. What do we got on the menu tonight? Guinness. Oh, yeah.

Great one. And also, Bulmers. Oh. And soda bread. It's an Irish theme. I love it. Oh, fantastic.

I don't know what it is, but it sounds. I like bread. When we were in Ireland, we stayed at that very nice Airbnb in Dublin, and they had made like some bread for us. Oh, That was good bread.

That was good bread. That was great. I know. You loved that bread. You loved soda bread. I ate most of it. Did I say that to you then as well? I'm like, what's soda bread?

Yes. Yeah. Sorry. No. My memory. But I just knew that you'd had it and liked it. And so I was like, I can remind you of this. Exactly.

I remember it. Yeah. I loved that little whatever we had there, four nights in Ireland in Dublin. Loved it so much. Beautiful. I did say I don't like Guinness earlier. I gave everybody a shit. I don't mind it.

I just prefer nearly every other stout. That's all. I like it enough. Yeah, that's fair enough. It's just not, it's different to every other stout as well. Yeah. It's very unique. Yeah. And I don't mind it.

I just couldn't, you know. I mean, you're not going to be smashing back eight pints of it, are you? No, I had, I had a pint of it the night we did the Irish live show. Yeah. And it was, it was great. People always said the Guinness have in Dublin taste fresher. And that didn't turn out to be the case. No, that's interesting.

It tasted the exact same to the ones I've had in Melbourne and elsewhere. Anyone who was offended earlier, though, when you said you didn't really like it, is not still listening now to hear that apology. That backpedaling. Ah, well, when I get an angry message, I'll say, well, listen to the end, mate. Yeah, actually, I completely backpedal. So, Dave, who is. performing. While sticking with the Irish theme

tonight, we've got you two but instrumental. Ah, what's Wano up to? Cannot cannot be making it, but you know who will be there? Cream! So he will be playing the character of Cream whilst the band play and look at him

with bemused looks going, what are we fucking doing up here? That might have been one of the hardest laughs I've ever had in my life just because we were so tired. People go back to the live

island episode, the one about, I can't remember what it was called, but it was about the... Dublin Whiskey Flood and other Irish tales. And there was a riffet that we did in the Patreon section about characters that Bono had played.

But if you want to just find it out our one of our favourite Irish listeners, John has actually do go automated that. Has he done that one? Yeah, there is an automation of us talking about crew. We should say it on the pod because we haven't, we've mentioned that we're nominated for an actor, or actually Bud Summers comes out,

we've probably already lost an actor, but honor to be nominated. And, yeah, John was a big part of that. Yeah. He did the animations for it. And people loved those, and we thought, yeah, we thought they were absolutely awesome. So, yeah, check out John's great work.

And we got to meet John on this night. We're talking about in Ireland. Anyway. So, um, Beautiful Irish theme night here tonight. I'm lifting up the velvet rope and I'm reading. The first name off the list is from Taupo in the Bay of Plenty, New Zealand. It's Fraser Cameron.

Bay of Plenty, Plenty of Good Times tonight. Welcome in, Fraser. I'd also love to welcome in from Redcar in England in Great Britain, Sean Oliver. Oh. Oh. Oh. I was like, sure there's something in the Oldhamver. Red car, red car, he's going fast.

Please, sir, may I have some more of you because you're the best. Nice. Okay. All of a twist. Yes, no, it's good. Woo! Thank you, Jess.

I'd love to say, to welcome in from Croydon in Surrey, Great Britain, Adam Knight. Well, you know, it wasn't going to be a good night. But it's going to be a great night now. Yes. For Adam. And finally, from Thetford.

Sorry about the pronunciation there. Probably in Great Britain. It's Philip Greer. Welcome in. Bringing up the Greer, my best man. See? See? Thank you so much.

Believe in yourself. That is your best one in months. Bringing up the Greer. He was the last entrant. What do you mean? What about it wasn't going to be a good night? And now it is going to be a good night. What about that, Matt?

Come on. I mean, that was also very good. I'm not, that's how big of a compliment it is. So that was your best one in months? Thank you so much. Is this the worst thing I do in my life? These two minutes are went yes. I don't know how I've accidentally painted myself into this corner.

Please, sir, can I have some more of you? It's all good stuff. Very good stuff. That's high brow. Come on. That brings us to the end of the episode. What a fun, silly time we've had. It was.

And thank you so much again to Cam and Alexi. All of the podcasts they do, you've heard them. If you've never heard them before, you instantly know there. really fun, funny dudes. So funny. Honestly, my face hurt from laughing. Yeah, that was, really fun. Yeah, so it was a real pleasure to have them on the show.

But yeah, definitely check out Finding Drago and Finding Desperado. And if you haven't heard of either, I would go back and just start from Finding Drago. Because they mentioned it in Desperado a couple of times, with minor spoilers. So I reckon... Yeah, start from the beginning. Yeah, start from the beginning and go through. It's gripping. things. You will smash it out in a couple of days.

Yeah, it's really great. And so funny and interesting. It's great. Just listen. Okay? So, so good. So Dave, boot this baby home. Thanks so much for listening, everyone. We'll be back next week with another couple of episodes.

I think maybe even next week it might even be a kishmish special. Which is pretty exciting. But you can get in contact with us at any time. Do go onpod.com is a place you go there. You can find our merchandise. We are now sending back around all over the world.

Anyone can get a t-shirt or a badge. I sent one to Brazil the other day. That's cool. That is cool. First one to Brazil, pretty cool. Absolutely love that. I love that. Anyone can suggest a topic for our website.

Do go on pod.com and that's where you also find our Patreon, as well as links to our Facebook, our Twitter, our Instagram. We've got a YouTube channel where you can actually vote up the Collarbum Heist episode if you want to give that a bit of love because that's the one where people have cracked it at us. and email us, do go on pod.gimau.com, but yeah, thanks again for listening. And until next week, I'll say thank you and goodbye. Bye. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network.

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