Do Go On - 269 - The Rendlesham Forest Incident

Episode Date: December 16, 2020

It's been referred to as “Britain’s Roswell” and is very very tenuously linked to Christmas, so this years Chrishmish episode is about the Rendlesham Forest Incident! In 1980, several American Servicemen saw some very bright lights... a UFO? A lighthouse? A car? What were those lights!?Buy tickets to our live streamed shows (including the full extended stream of this episode!):https://sospresents.com/authors/dogoonSupport the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPodCheck out our AACTA nominated web series: https://www.youtube.com/user/stupidoldchannel Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-TopicTwitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasREFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rendlesham_Forest_incidenthttps://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-suffolk-51565054http://www.therendleshamforestincident.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

To another episode of To Go On, my name is Dave Warnocky and as always I'm here with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart. Hey, I'm Matt Stewart. Welcome to Christmas. And I am Jess Perkins. And I just also wanted to say, welcome to Christmas. Well, if I could correct both of you and say welcome everybody to Chris Meish. I knew we'd say it wrong. This is our, we can't, we shouldn't be getting wrong.

This is our, I can't believe this, our sixth annual Christmas episode now. Which doesn't make any sense. It's amazing. Name them all, Jess. What have we done? What I'm fucking know. Because you know, around the world, it's people, Christmas tradition, so Christmish tradition, of listening to the marathon. So it starts with Santa Claus.

An origin story. Then I think maybe. Cramsus. Cramsus, evil Santa. Then we did Christmas, Cishmish mysteries. Part one. Part one. That was the one where we did alive in Brisbane,

and I realized midpoint that it was a bit too grim. It was the most grim live report we'd done up until that point. But don't worry, we did serial killer special ones. Just in Doctor Death. Yeah, it was not good. That one was only ever released to the patrons. The only people who could handle it. So that's the first three.

Then there was Christmas Mysteries Part 2. Yes, that's right. Which included a wide, die-hard is a Christmas movie. Yes. The Walmister thing and the eggnog rights. And then what was the one after that? Oh, what was they live on in London? Yeah, that's right.

We all did a mini Christmas topic each. Did we? Yes. Oh, yeah, I did one about Christmas land. Yeah, a place in North America. Yes, that's right. Little town, that was a lot of fun. And I did the Stone of Scone heist, where on Christmas Day they stole the...

This is a great story. Famous Stone of Scone. from Westminster Abbey. And Jess, what did you do? No idea. No, Michael Booblay. A short history. That's right.

Well done. I was starting that expecting not to get through it. Yeah. We did it very well. So if you do want to do the marathon leading up to this episode, you can go back and listen to all of those. They're all in the usual feed. But Jess has a report this week on another Christmas topic that Matt and I are unaware of.

So how the show works is we take it in terms of a report on a topic. It's not always Christmas themes, but once a year it is, and it's just his turn. We always start the show with a question to get us on the topic. Yes, and my question is, what Boxing Day event has been referred to as Britain's Roswell? Oh, Boxing Day event. Britain's Roswell. That's not the warm-inster thing? It's not.

It easily could have been, though, couldn't it? You would never remember it. I would not have known. Is it something we would have heard of? Probably not. It's like the blob or the happening. It's not the happening. The occurrence.

It's an incident. Oh. Okay. There's something incident? The... Felching incident? No. I thought we'd never talk about that.

We agreed. We said we never discussed that. No, it is the Rendlesham Forest incident. Oh, but I don't know this one, but I love anything that's listed as an incident. We've done a few. Forest. I'm in a forest. Big time. Whereabouts in, is it?

It's in the UK. Oh, yeah. A British forest. Yeah. That's what like Robin Hood hangs out in there. Yeah. Et cetera. Et cetera.

Made Marion. Made Marion. Probably fairies. Goblins? Easily. All of them. Any involved in this? They're all there.

Well, I mean. That's an incident. That's a thing. We're not sure. Oh, okay. More people. Spoiler. Spoil.

So what I did was, because we're in Europe, I thought, I'll find a Christmas topic. that is set in Europe. And I put three up to the patrons to vote on. And one of them, extremely Christmassy, has been suggested easily a dozen times and would be a really wholesome, easy report to do, a nice Christmas story.

Did that get voted for? Absolutely not. Oh, no. This one did. And there's a pretty good reason why. But it's also a story that there isn't heaps of information on. And the main source, not the main source, but one of the main sources I was able to find was the

Rendlesham Forest Incident.com who... Oh, they got the dot com! And let's just say, like, whoever's behind that website definitely has their opinions, and it's not the most balanced reporting, you know? Without knowing what this is about, I'm intrigued. That's so fast...

Are we imagining the kind of website that hasn't been updated in about 15 to 20 years? Oh, maybe not 50, easily 10. Easily 10. Okay. Love that. Has it been updated for a while. Look, I've got plenty of excerpts from that website, so you'll get a feel for the writer for sure.

They're like having a dig at the neighbouring town or something. Sheffield's got a shit football team anyway. Back to the incident. Not that I'm biased. And it's like, oh, I reckon you might be a little bit. This one's been suggested only three times in the hat by Brian Blunt, Robin and Aaron Wolfe. So thank you to. those three for your suggestion.

So Matt asked where it was. Well, Rendezham Forest is a large pine forest east of Ipswich in Suffolk in England. And nearby are the twin NATO air bases, R-AF Bentwaters and RAF Woodbridge. And in the early 80s, both bases were being leased to the United States Air Force. There we go. The buddy Sapo's coming in, taking up the UK. Okay, forest, hey. Tell you what, hey?

Hey, what, Uncle Sam, wandered in, as he? He's taken, oh, he's cleared a bit of the forest land, is he, yeah, or what's he got? Oh, what's he got, a couple of his ace pilot fighters up and about, is he? Oh, here we go. Here we go. Hey, what about us?

Hey, we were there in the beginning. We settled you, didn't we? And now, all of a sudden, you're in our hometown. Well, fair enough. We did, we did in reverse. You've come back. apologies proceed. I love that.

Wow. Is this the kind of unbiased reporting that this website gives us? Less rambling somehow. Wow. So this is from the Randalsham Forest Incident.com. It was the early hours of December 26, 1980. Staff Sergeant Jim Penniston, the on-duty flight chief for the Woodbridge base, was enjoying a midnight snack.

When he received a call from the security centre telling him Airman First Class Cabin Sag, incredible name, was on his way to collect DIM. Now, a few questions there. What kind of name is Cabins Sag? Don't know, love saying it. That's all one word, cabin Sag. What's he having for a midnight snack? It doesn't say we can only assume crisps. Well, okay.

I mean, what else are you going to have a midnight, you know? I mean, you get a bit thirsty with crisps, I reckon. Maybe it's dark chocolate. Oh, yeah? A little bit dark chocolate. By after dinner mint. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Yeah, I mean, at midnight, it's somewhere after dinner. I stand corrected. But, yeah, I mean, his name's wild, but also his title. Cabin first class, whatever it was? Airman first class. Cabin first class. I was thinking of where he was staying. The first class cabin.

So Penniston was then instructed to meet up with two of the bases military police, staff sergeant Bud Stephens and airman first class, John Burroughs. When they met, Stephens and Burrows told him they'd seen some strange lights over the forest and that there might be a problem. Okay. Oh, light problem. Thinking that the men may have seen a downed aircraft, Peniston told Burroughs that they should go and investigate. Peniston was shocked when he heard Stephens insist that it couldn't have been a crash because he'd already seen the strange light actually land. A weirdly worded sentence also names spelled differently each time.

Strange light landing. It's seen the strange light land. I mean, if you have a torch and you point it down, is it landing on the ground? Yeah, is the light that's shining from these lights where it's near. That's landing on your face. Bouncing off. Is that landing? Yeah.

I guess it is. It's not light landing all over you, man. If I was writing in some sort of old, yeldy poetic style, maybe you would say that. The light off yonder, sun, lands. on the shore before me. That's pretty good, I reckon. It's pretty good. Yeah.

Put on your tombstone? Yes, please. Thank you. With a torch. That just sort of hangs on a weird little tripod next to his grave. And then we have to go every night to turn on the torch. Change the batteries.

Once a day. A nightmare. You are burdensome in life and in death. Come on. Give us a break. Die quietly. No, I will not. I will not go quietly into yonder.

Would you haunt us? Would you haunt us, Matt? If I had the ability to, I'd haunt you though with fun and secrets from beyond. Oh, that's nice. Hey, Jess, it's real good here, kill yourself. I'm like, well, all right. He wouldn't lie to me. A strange voice in my head said, don't waste time.

Come join. So Penniston, cabin sag and burrows jumped into a vehicle and went out to have a look. There, they saw a really bright light shining through the trees. Has it landed? But it's like real bright.

Landing through the trees. It's like super bright. It's like abnormally bright, do you know what I mean? Spotlight bright. Someone's left their headlights on. Oh, high beams are on. Oh, no. Come on.

And you get it in the flick of your high beams to try and get the indicate. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, high beams are on. Hey, mine are on. Mine are on, fuck you. I'm blinding you back. Fuck you.

Hey, hey, fuck you. No, fuck you. Driving with Dave is a lot of fun. I do a lot of mors. Get fucked, dick, head. Fuck. Fuck you. I was once driving with our friend, Nick, Kappa, along a road not far from here.

And two cars in a row flashed me. And I said something to Nick like, oh, just because this. they're driving like bloody cowards taking their time around down this narrow road and they're flashing me because I'm sort of just getting it done and then not long after realized my lights went on. Cowbirds are sheepishly like, they were trying to save ours and their lives. Yeah. They just let me know my lights weren't on.

Jesus. I don't know why, but when I see cars at night without their lights on, that angers me quickly. You know, high beams and stuff, you can forget they're on. Okay, whatever, we pass each other. But lights, I'm like, turn your fucking lights on, dickhead, come on. I don't know why. So it was probably me flashing you that time. Yeah. Yeah, no, fair enough. That was a few years ago. I've learned from those mistakes. I'd no longer hang out with Nick Kappa, for one. Don't drive at night. Okay, so they've jumped into the car. They're out to have a look. There's a bright light. And as I got further into the thick forest, it became too hard to drive. So they

got out of the vehicle and continued on foot. As they got closer to the light, they started to have problems with their radios. Oh, right. So not only light, but sounds. Oh, no, suddenly smooth. Femmer starts playing. They're like, oh, stop that, stop that. Bubeleys on.

Not again. Yeah, shut up. I just haven't met you yet. A voice of an angel, though. Tell you what, I'd be worried if I'd just died. The voice of an angel coming at me? Yeah, oh, no. It's going towards a lot.

No, bright light and booblais. singing to you. Oh my God. Am I in heaven? Is this, is it time? When Penniston got to a distance of 50 metres, he could make out a metallic type object, some kind of craft, but unlike any he had ever seen in his seven years in the Air Force. As he moved closer, he discovered that the air seemed to be charged with static electricity,

causing his hair to stand on end. As he closed to within 20 metres of the object, he noticed that the animals had scattered and the area was now completely quiet. As he got closer, he could see the object in more detail. He described seeing a shiny black triangular-shaped craft, three metres in width and too high. The surface was smooth, almost glass-like. He later said it was about the size of a tank.

White light was emitting from both the top and bottom of the craft, and red and blue lights flashed alternatively on either side. Whoa. Yeah, this just sounds like one of those fancy, Tom Cruise planes from Top Gunn. Yeah. A plane. A plane.

Oh, one of the stealth ones. One of those triangle ones. Yeah. Red and blue lights. That's just bloody God bless America sort of stuff. I reckon this is... A plane. A plane.

And also, he's seven years in the Air Force. And he can't recognize a plane. Usually when you quote something like that, it's like, I haven't seen anything like this in my 34 years. Yeah. Seven years. It's just a new plane. Yeah. Straight off the bloody lawn.

You've only seen the old ones. what they saw oh that's already described it Pennison took out a camera and began photographing the object he shot the entire roll of film and then moved closer so he could circle around the back of it

okay shot the entire roll of film then got close enough to take a good photo yeah good excuse damn oh I wish I had more film with me all of it was he shot 30 selfies facing away from the craft. So it's just his reaction.

Yeah. 30 times. But you saw his face, you're like, wow, he means that. Yeah, he saw something. Yeah, he definitely saw something. Saw something. You can't fake that kind of emotion.

No, that's not actually. No, I can see it in his eyes. He was amazed to see no visible means of propulsion, nor was there any obvious signs of conventional manufacture. No seams or rivets. By now an incomplete awe of what this object might be, he courageously placed his hand on its side. surface. Oh no, no, that's not a good idea. Which he said felt warm despite the freezing night of an

English winter. Sliding his hand over the smooth exterior, he discovered a series of raised symbols etched onto its left-hand side. The symbols, which he later drew, were about three inches high and covered an area of about three feet in diameter. When Sergeant Peniston put his hand on the etched symbols, which felt like sandpaper compared to the rest of the smooth, moulded surface, everything became a brilliant bright white. He could neither see nor hear. He was alone in the brilliant bright white light. Oh no.

And then it pans out and I've accidentally taken my shirt off. It's just very clear. So we guys. Put it away. In what context do you accidentally take your shirt? Oh, you know what it is? You're taking your jumper off and the t-shirt goes with it. Exactly.

And that bright light landed on my torso. And he went, oh my God, it's a brilliant bright light. light. I'm alone in this brilliant bright red light. And you're like, oh, sorry, sorry. Happened again. Goes away. I don't know why that always gets stuck there. So annoying. This occurred for an undetermined amount of time. Then his sight returned.

He was standing next to the craft facing the pictorial glyphs. The craft started to turn a vivid bright white colour. So bright, in fact, Sergeant Penderson, Peniston, thought it was going to explode. He took a defensive position nearby as the craft was engulfed in the light. The craft then lifted off approximately four feet from the ground, maneuvered between the trees, ascended to tree top level and then disappeared in the blink of an eye. I really hope his defensive position was thinking it was going to explode.

Yeah, like fist ready or had his gun pulled. Ready. Or it probably would if it was me, it would just be. Yeah, ball. Absolutely ball on the floor. would just be covering my eyes. Need a face. Yeah.

If I can't say it, it can't hurt me, you know. Yeah. La la la la la. He stated that he could see no occupants, but sensed there was some sort of life present inside. Okay. Well, it sounds like he's got some talents. He was absolutely certain it was under intelligent control.

Certain. As opposed to... Because he sensed it. Absolutely certain. Yeah, it wasn't some goons driving it or some... Yeah. Some idiot. It's some dumb alien.

Yeah. That was like a smart alien, eh? For sure. He can sense it. This sounds great. I'm into it. Well, and you know, when their radio started to not work, the website says, Electronic Interference is commonly reported in the vicinity of UFOs.

Right. So it's noteworthy. Well, Mulder, there's probably a scientific explanation. No, Scully. Use your mind. All right. I guess he's probably right because he always is. Fucking right.

God-Tam. So this is in the... And that alien did impregnate me that time. But still. This is in the wee hours of the morning, right? This was about 3 a.m. when all of this happened. Shortly after 4 a.m., local police arrived at the scene. Now, police had a look around but reported that the only lights they could see were lights from the Orford Nest

lighthouse several miles away on the coast. You can see the light in the distance. Orphanus lighthouse, which skeptics identify as a flashing light seen off the coast, is along the same line of sight, about five miles or eight kilometres further east of the forest edge. And at that time, it was one of the brightest lighthouses in the UK. And I hope they had a plaque on the wall. Oh, yeah.

One of the brightest. Yeah, one of the number two. Quite a brightest. We're up there. We haven't bothered checking in a while. Top five. It's not five. Easy.

Um, right. So it's a pretty, that's an explanation for a pretty bright light though. Yeah, but is it landing? I mean, you, and you would, you see a, a lighthouse. You know it's a lighthouse, right? Well, I do. And, and, and then you don't think, you don't touch a triangle. Somehow you touch a smooth triangle thing with some rays lettering and go, it's a lighthouse over there. There's a lighthouse. There is a lighthouse. There is a lighthouse. It's a lighthouse. It explains the light, maybe. Yeah. But the rest of it, I think almost doesn't explain it at all. No.

Just remind me, what's this got to do with Christmas? It happened on Boxing Day. Gotcha. But like so early in Boxing Day, it was like three hours into boxing day. Right. It's basically Christmas Day. Technically, couldn't be any further from Christmas. Yeah.

It's the furthest point away from Christmas. From the next Christmas. From the next Christmas. That's right. And that's what our dear, dear patrons wanted to hear. and I will never disappoint them. You shouldn't either. I never will.

You made an oath with blood. So many times I've wanted to. I've wanted to disappoint the patrons. And then there I go, not disappointing them again. You can't help yourself. Oh, God, it's hard beating me. So the servicemen decided, hey, we can't see anything in the dark. Let's wait until it's daytime.

So after daybreak, they went back to where they were a few hours earlier and now in the light they could see properly. They found three small impressions on the ground in a triangular pattern, as well as burn marks and broken branches on nearby trees. What impressions do they find? Michael Kane? Yep.

Oh, hello, I'm Michael Kane. Yep. Who else they find? Sean Connery. Oh, hello, I'm Sean Connery. And Christopher Walken. Oh, hello, I'm Crystal Walken. God, you are good.

Wow. That was the three they found. Yeah, yeah. And they were all that good. Yeah. Like sort of spot on. Just in like the English forest. So good that they're almost like,

there must be another species. Yeah, right. No human could imitate. Yeah. The three great. It must be a type of animal we're not aware of. Wow. A type of bird.

Ritz watch. Wow. Sean Connery. Yeah. Amazing. I'm James Bond. I got a Ritz watch. Is that one of them?

If Chris Walker played James Bond, It was on a little summer. I'm Barn. I'm James Bond. Why does he flap his arms so much? That's all part of it. He can't do it without that. You can't do it.

So I can't do it with that. Who am I to judge? Nobody. You're no one. I'm not. That was amazing. I'd take people on a journey. Yeah.

I hung around with Ben Russell a bit earlier tonight and it just rubbed off on me. He's a master impressionist, but. Now I'm starting to teach him a thing or two. Yeah, that's right. Can he make a thousand noises? Didn't think so. So, yeah, they found some burn marks, broken branches, these little impressions. So they call the police out again, and the police reckon it's made by an animal.

Okay. Police are like, eh. Like a triangle animal. Yeah. Yeah. Knowing that he would need some physical evidence of this encounter, Penniston returned to the landing site the following day to make plaster casts of the indentations.

He also apparently experienced a strange condition. He was seeing ones and zeros in his mind's eye. Whoa, he went digital. That's way before TV did it. Before Matrix and everything. Yeah, that's cool. Troubled by the revolving flashing images of ones and zeros he received from touching the glyphs, he felt compelled to write them down in a notebook.

And after he'd written them down, the images in his mind would disappear. Ah. Okay, that makes sense. It's like when you have a song stuck in your head, but if you hear it again, somehow you don't have it there. You can sing it all the way through. Yeah, that's right. You get it down. You got to write the whole song down. Yeah. It takes ages.

Oh, God. Blue da-da-da-da-da-da. And if you're stuff like, you have to start again. Yeah. And then you also have to write down the do-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. You've got to write the instrument. Good on as it takes forever. He was so shaken by his incompetent.

counter with the UFO that he, along with Burrows, were granted a six-day leave. Oh, that should get you over an alien encounter, six days. Take almost a week off. Yeah, but you'll be here on Sunday, right? Yeah, obviously. You'll be over by then. Yeah. The day of the Lord.

I mean, yeah, there's ones and zeros that you said you had in your mind. You've written them down. You sound like you've absolutely lost it. You'll be goodbye, six days time. You'll be fine for military service in six days, right? That's enough time for you to analyze those plaster cars that you've kept in your bedroom that you haven't left in four days. Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

Yeah, you're right. So later he stated, after that craft took off, I was in no doubt. I realized that it was 100% certain that we were part of a larger community beyond the confines of this planet. Right. When he saw the alien leave. Yeah. Not when he saw the craft, not when he touched it, but when he saw it leave. Yeah.

He's like, okay, so this isn't from here. per se. I hate to watch that alien go, but I love to watch them late. Because it makes me realize I'm part of a wider community. Yeah. And it's got a real sweet butt.

That alien touch. That alien got back. That alien got peach butt. Oh yeah. But it wasn't over yet. Oh. On December 28th, Deputy Base Commander,

Lieutenant Colonel Charles Holt, visited the site with a team of servicemen. They took readings of the radiation in the triangle shapes in the ground and in the surrounding areas. Their readings found several bursts of high radiation at the site, as well as in other points around half a mile away. It gave like a sort of, it gave a figure, and I could not figure out if that was good or bad.

Right. The website said it was double, but I don't know how trustworthy that website is. just high, just little spikes. So there was radiation. Just a little bit. Yeah. Or maybe a lot.

I don't know. But the triangles were left behind as well. So it was a big triangle plane or object, flying object, unidentified. And left little triangles. Yeah. What's going on there? So sort of, I guess, where it would, so top and then maybe the two at the back, sort of like where it would have. And then the little feet were all triangle.

I guess so. Wow, so they just, they'd figure out the triangles are the best shape. Yeah, maybe they haven't discovered circles yet. Because I always thought it was circles. Yeah. They don't have wheels. Oh. Oh, poor them.

Why wheel when you can hover? Okay. Okay. But maybe that's why they don't have any rivets or anything. They haven't got circles yet. That's why they didn't have any obvious joins. So they probably haven't even figured out nails or anything. Right, they just carved out a solid rock.

Oh, it's so sad. I think they might be idiots. Oh, that is the saddestown. They're in the Stone Age? They probably skipped it. Sounds like they've gone straight to titanium age. Right. Lame.

Lame age. Arguably one of the lamer ages. Yeah. I would have said. Lame age. Lame age. So yeah, there's like little bursts of radiation. And during this visit slash investigation,

a flashing light was seen across the field to the east, almost in line with a farmhouse, as the witnesses had seen on the first. night. Oh my God. I just realized this is the Christmas story. This is the story of the first Christmas. And then the three kings from Oriental or whatever the song says saw the light and they went over and they found the little. Yeah, in the stables plus farmhouse. Yeah. Oh my God. Thanks for spoiling the rest of the story, Matt. I found that little baby triangle. It was a little alien baby. It seemed that it wasn't the lighthouse as it could be seen further to the east in the same line of sight. So they can see the

lighthouse, but there's a flashing light closer than that, they reckon. According to Holtz reports, three star-like lights were seen in the sky, two to the north and one to the south. The north star. One of the north, that's the one.

Is it the north star? I think so. Yeah. You don't know. I'm talking to you like you would know anything. But you don't know anything. You don't know anything. The one thing Jess and I've got over you is Christian studies. forced upon us through schooling.

Yeah, so three star-like lights seen in the sky, two to the north and one to the south, about 10 degrees above the horizon. Holt said that the brightest of these hovered for two to three hours and seemed to beam down a stream of light from time to time. Astronomers have explained these star-like lights as bright stars. They've got an answer for everything those guys. Those astronomers.

What are these things in the sky? They look like stars. Stars, fuckhead. Okay, well, that's the obvious answer. I like the idea of a really no bullshit astronomer. It's a star, you fucking eat. Yeah. What's that star?

It's a star. Are you serious? I was at a dinner party. Okay, I've come out for this. You called me out here. My daughter's birthday, it's a star. It's a star. You said it was a star emergency.

I hate being the only on-call astronomer in town. Holt was recorded. recording the events on a micro cassette tape, and he's heard on the tape saying, there's no doubt about it, there's some type of strange flashing red light ahead. Oh, that's a plane. Then his voice gets extremely excited, as he says,

it's coming this way. It's definitely coming this way. Pieces of it are shooting off. There's no doubt about it. This is weird. No doubt about that part. Yeah. Right.

This is weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Holt described the object as circular, like a large eye winking at him. So they do have circles. Okay. Oh, he has circles. Yeah, he can describe something as a circle.

He's aware of what a circle is. And he thinks that they're winking at him. Yeah, the circle is winking at him. Oh, you think the circle's coming on to me? I think the circle's coming on to me. He takes his shirt off. Whoa, whoa, whoa. The circle's like, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey, they're slow. Impropriate. Buddy. Holt wrote a memo to the Ministry of Defense, detailing his experience as well as the experience of penistence, and two nights earlier. It was known as the Halt Memo. Again, very creative.

Good. It was dated a couple of weeks after the event occurred, which skeptics argue would account for errors in some of the details on the report. The Holt memo was made publicly available in the United States under the US Freedom of Information Act in 1983, and the following year in 84, the Holt tape was released to UFO researchers

for further investigation. But a consultant for the National Archives, a journalist named David Clark, has investigated the background of the Holt memo and failed to find any other reports made about the incident other than Holt's memo. So no other government sort of agencies really made any reports. Well, yeah, not that they can find.

Exactly. Yeah. Oh, yeah, classic story. What? They can't bury things? This is the US government we're talking about. The smoking man, etc. Yeah.

That's from the X-Files. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I get references to stuff. So anyway, I've just got a report to do, Dave. So if you could stop piping in with stuff that we all definitely get. The syndicate. Shut the fuck out. I don't know what that is.

But just because the authorities didn't take it too seriously, unless you ask the rendles from forest incident.com, in which case, lots of government and military figures were involved in a cover-up. Yeah. Obviously, there's a cover-up here, Jess. It's actually pretty offensive that you're trying to talk about it like there wasn't one. It's embarrassing, if anything. This is meant to be a fact-based comedy podcast.

Come on. Well, that doesn't mean that others haven't continued to do their own research. And this is a little thing from Wikipedia here. In 1997, Scottish researcher James Easton obtained the original witness statements made by those involved in the first night's sightings. One of the witnesses, Ed Cabinsag, said in his statement, we figured the lights were coming from past the forest since nothing was visible when we passed through the woody forest.

We would see a glowing near the beacon light, but as we got closer, we found it to be a lit-up farmhouse. We got to a vantage point where we could determine that what we were chasing was only a beacon light off in the distance. So he didn't see or touch any kind of craft. Oh, Cabin's egg to sort of light on a farmhouse. John Burrows as well. And he reckons, like from what he said, it doesn't think it was anything.

It was just a farmhouse. John Burroughs as well also stated, we could see a beacon going around so we went towards it. We followed it for about two miles before we could see it was coming from a lighthouse. You know what's happened to those two fellas? They got gotten to. Yeah, someone got to them for sure. They were gotten to. So wait, I thought it was Cabin Sag that had the triangle experience.

No, that was Peniston. Ah, yes. Kevin Sagan Burrows were there. When did we get to the point where he invents penistillin? Can't make this Mara Curie. Sorry, my one. Sorry. I thought they must have been related somehow.

Burrows reported a noise like a woman was screaming and also that you could hear the farm animals making a lot of noises. Holt heard the same noise as two nights later. Such noise could have been made by munt jack deer in the forest, which are known for their loud shrill bark when alarmed. Muckjack deer, shrill bark. Munt jack. Munt jack.

Munt jack. Yeah. Whoa. Munt jack deer. Probably saying that wrong. Munt jack. That sounds like the Aussiest deer of all. Munt Jack.

The Munt Jack. Munt Jack. Love it. Yeah. So even the other two people that were with Penniston were like, oh, it was just the life. house. Yeah, that's if you believe they haven't been gotten to.

I'm so surprised you've both gone this angle. I'm loving it. They've obviously been gotten to. Yeah. Yeah, Uncle Sam got in their ears. Even though this was their original statements. Well, the police... Yeah, well, you don't think he got to them before in between.

Right. They got got real quick. Real quick. Too quick. Who can get to them that quick? Only one person, Uncle Sam. Yeah. Where's Uncle Sam live?

West Uncle Sam live That farmhouse? No, he lives in the North Pole Oh, right. Oh, I thought he lived in Mount Rushmore. No, no, no. Inside Lincoln's Head. That's his holiday house.

Oh, of course. My bad. Well, you remember that the police weren't super interested in it either. The police reports were released in 2005 under the UK's Freedom of Information Act. It includes a letter dated the 28th of July 1999, written by Inspector Mike Toplis,

who notes that one of the topless. Yeah, that's funny. Come on, that's a funny name. Like Toplis. That was the white line. Yeah, Blake Toplis was there. I had only read it before. I didn't say that loud.

That's great. He notes that one of the police constables who attended the scene on the first night returned to the site in daylight in case he'd missed anything. There was nothing to be seen and he remains unconvinced that the occurrence was genuine,

wrote Topless. The immediate area was swept with powerful light beams from a landing Beacon at RAF Bentwaters and the Orphedness Lighthouse. I know from personal experience that at night, in certain weather and cloud conditions, these beams were very pronounced and certainly caused strange visual effects. So basically the forest is between two RAF bases. So there's lights and stuff coming from them and there's the lighthouse not far away.

And he's like, it's just lights from the other base. Yeah, they just set up bases there because nothing wild and weird was going on in between. Yeah, just a coincidence. You are more gullible than you even look. How gullible do I look? Well, evidence of a substantial file on the subject led to claims of a cover-up. Some interpreted this as part of a larger pattern of information suppression concerning the true nature of unidentified flying objects,

both by the United States and British governments. However, when the file was released in 2001, it turned out to consist mostly of internal correspondence and responses to inquiries from the public. The lack of any in-depth investigation in the public release, publicly released documents is consistent with their early statement that they've never taken the case very seriously. That's from the Ministry of Defence.

Oh, and yeah, we expect that they release the full documents, not the secret documents. They just released the weird questions from the public. Yeah. Can I say the alien? No, can I? No, gone. Oh, gone.

But gone? I love aliens. I actually married that alien. I need you to get it to call me back. Shad! It was here very briefly and we wed and I believe it's got my child inside its tummy. So please

give me a call back. I know. I know he's hanging out with you. Don't dog me on this. Come on. At least give it this letter. Please. Please.

In June 2010, retired Colonel Charles Holtz signed a notarized affidavit in which he summarised what had happened and then stated he believed the event to be extraterrestrial and that it had been covered up by both the UK and US. Contradictions between this affidavit and the faxes recorded at the time in Holt's memo and tape recording have been criticised widely. So there's differences. But I mean, it's like 30, 20 years later. Yeah, I mean, you explain that easily, can't you? that it was 30 years ago? No, they got to him. Any piece of evidence that goes against it, they got to it.

But according to the Randolphamforrestincident.com. Thank you. Finally, someone is brave enough to tell the truth. Someone who hasn't been gotten to. The Ministry of Defence responded with the usual denials and claimed that the events posed no defence significance. Lord Hill Norton, a man who in the 70s was at the top of the British Defence establishment, had for years been vocal in attacking the Ministry of Defence position.

He had stated that there are only two possibilities regarding Holt's claims of an encounter. Either Holt and all the other witnesses were hallucinating, or they actually saw what they claimed to have seen. Well, I mean, two of them said they saw a lighthouse. It really feels like it's just Holt, doesn't it? In either case, since all men were stationed on a base containing nuclear-armed aircraft, the situation has to be of extreme defence significance. Norton has also later stated publicly

that he believes the evidence for the Rendlesham case points conclusively to an extraterrestrial intrusion. It's a fun string of words to say. Right. So out of everywhere that an extraterrestrial could land, they chose between two air bases. Yeah. Okay. That's right.

No, see, you're thinking about this is all wrong. They landed there because they were. were canoodling with the American airmen. Right. And women. If I was going to choose, I would canoodle with the American seaman. Oh, wow. That's where you differ from the aliens.

Yes. It was very good. This is, I continue from the Rendlesham Forest Incident.com. Despite the unearthing of the Halt memo and the US, despite the unerthing of the Holt memo, the US military did everything it could to ensure the story remained secret. When Penelston

Peniston tried to recover the photographs he took of the craft from the base photo lab, he was told he couldn't because the film was supposedly fogged and therefore useless. Peniston doubts this and believes his pictures were inevitably confiscated. I'm a great photographer so bullshit.

You know what happened to those photos? Someone got to them. Oh no, someone got to them. Cover them in fog. Well, wouldn't you just keep it? So, like, it does seem weird that they'd be like, ah, we chucked them out because they suck so much. Yeah. Surely he'd get a look at him first.

Well, he also... I've still got some things of photos where it's, like, some of them would just... Absolve dog shit. Yeah. But he kept it. Your collection of thumbs. Got a whole big collection of thumbs. Yeah, he took them on purpose.

He wasn't a good photographer. I don't know why so many people hired him for weddings. Also, one of the three plaster casts he made, the landing site, disappeared. while being shipped by the military. He managed to keep the other two. Long after the event, when he'd moved back to America, he discovered a bug in his house.

I don't know. Like a mozzy? Louis the Fly. Oh no. They got to Louis. Oh, no. And then put him in the house. Hey, guys. Let's have a great pony.

How does he keep surviving? Every year. Every time. They kill him, supposedly. Their own ads show them killing this Louis the fly. This is a Mortyne bug spray ad, yes. But then the next year, the next campaign, he's there again with a new bunch of friends.

Yeah, I mean, like, couldn't keep me down. I mean, flies don't live that long. They're also just proving their product doesn't work. Yeah, the product. It feels like the mortines, if anything, it's prolonging Louis's life. For decades. Louis the fly. And now he's in this bloke's house.

Louis the immortal, hey, was thanks to Mortine. If you want to protect flies, get more team. Yeah, so he's found a bug in his house, and he also said he received threatening phone calls and discovered that his mail was frequently tampered with. Oh, okay. What are people putting in his mail? Fart bomb. Oh, no.

Whoop cushion. Yeah. It's just embarrassing. All his bank bills have been replaced with a whoopie cushion. He's like, I just want to check my accounts. That's not how, whoopie, you've got to get him under his butt, not in his letterbox. They're doing it all wrong, these aliens. They know what they're doing.

Well, I guess that's more proof they're aliens. Humans know you put him on the chair. Yeah, that's right. We'd know if it was really the government getting to him, it would be on the chair. Yeah, yeah, they know. He'd never sit on a chair without making noise again. I think we're in, what, in the Reagan era? Reagan knew about a bloody whoopie cushion.

Yeah, he knew what he was doing. So there are several theories, right? Obviously, you guys have got your own, very strong theories. Whoopi cushions are involved in mine. Several claims of it being a hoax. BBC reported that a former US security policeman Kevin Conday claimed responsibility for creating strange lights in the forest by driving around in a police vehicle whose lights he'd modified.

However, there is no evidence that this prank took place. That is the worst prank I've ever heard. Probably no one's around to see it. This is going to be real good. I've taken time to modify the lights on a police car. It's pretty sick. I'm going to shine them around in a forest that no one's really in.

I actually got a personalized horn that goes, it's very funny. That's the alien love song. It's coming back for me. One guy's happy. My wife's coming home. Other explanations for the incident have included a down-soviet spy satellite, but no evidence has been produced to support this.

Of course it wouldn't be. The initial siting at 3 a.m. on the 20, 26 of December, when the airman saw something apparently descending into the forest, coincided with the appearance of a bright fireball over southern England, and such fireballs a common source of UFO reports. So it could have just been a fireball in the sky? Oh, right, what does that mean? I don't know.

I mean, it's just a fire. It's very easy to explain that. It's a fireball. It's not like it's so common. Just a big fireball in the sky. What? You'd think, oh, no, if you saw a fireball in the sky. grow up, Matt.

You saw a big alien fireball in the sky from an alien. Grow up, man. Is this some sort of an alien fireball? No, it's an alien fireball. Are they confusing that for the sun? Yeah, I don't know. The sun shouldn't be plummeting. I see a fireball every day in the sky.

Technically, yeah, the sun is a fireball in the sky. Yeah. Yeah. But, I mean, if you're seeing the sun at night, is it really not? That's a great question. Think about that. Wow. I think about it.

I'll think about that for years. Yeah, you will. Yeah, well. Hey, the sun never goes down. It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning around. Wow. Flaming lips. I came up with that.

Beautiful stuff. I got him up with that. Wow. That's really good. Wayne Coins stole that from me. Give it back, Wayne. No, that's a conspiracy. You dog.

Coin, you dog. That's mine. All their lyrics were written by you. Honestly, Wayne Coen's got a bit alien about him. Yeah. That's that you she-me? That's not we all. It's true.

It's a good fight. You know, in so many ways, aren't we all? A bit of an outsider. Aren't we all, Wayne Coim? Um, so another theory is that the timing on Holt's tape recording during his signing on the 28th December indicates that the light he saw, which lay in the same direction as the light scene two nights earlier, flashed every five seconds. which was the flash rate of the lighthouse.

Oh, so the aliens have somehow gotten synced. Wow, they've synced up. Do you think maybe they learnt light from the lighthouse? Yeah, maybe, yeah. They're pretty clever. Do you think the lighthouse was in on it? Oh, my God. And inside job, no, lighthouses would never let us down.

Oh, no. He's been out there alone for so many years. His only friend was an alien. Hey, you got lonely. And, oh. He was only... Did that alien baby? There's a salty sea captain?

That's half salty sea captain. Oh, you know why. Yeah, that's why it's salty. He's fucking full of... He's got a lot of salt chakers. Salt shakers. He loves fish and chips. Yep.

In December 2018, that journalist I mentioned before, David Clark, reported a claim that the incident was a set up by the SAS as a revenge plot on the US Air Force. According to this story in August of 1980, the SAS parachuted into RAF Woodbridge to test the security at the nuclear site. The USAF had recently upgraded their radar and detected the black parachutes of the SAS men as they descended into base. The SAS troops were interrogated and beaten up with the ultimate insult that they were called unidentified aliens. To enact their revenge, the SAS gave the USAF their own version of an alien event. And so it says as December approached lights and coloured flares were rigged in the woods.

Black helium balloons were also coupled to remote-controlled kites to carry suspended materials into the sky, activated by radio controls. So it could have just been a revenge prank from the SES. That makes some sense. Apart from the whole space should be touched. Yeah. But what about, I mean, that theory is that they parachuted in and got caught. So in revenge, they went back in, didn't get.

caught but put lights in. How does that happen? Wait, wasn't the other way around? So they parachuted into the actual base. Which, to be clear, that's... That's so dangerous though, isn't it? I guess so. You could easily be killed doing that.

But it's a point that are where British soldiers on British land parachuting into a US... Yeah, to test their security. Yeah, that's a bit strange. They might just be like, what the hell is that? Oh, there's a nuclear base. We shoot to kill here. Yeah, and that would be fair. But then they got caught, they got beat up,

and then in revenge, they somehow rigged the lights in the woods. Yeah, because they, the Americans called them aliens, so they're like, I will show you aliens, and then they... I like this. This feels the second most likely after real aliens. So real aliens first, second most likely is S-S. Third, mole people. And this is why it's all been covered up, right?

They're like, it's embarrassing. one of our guys actually fell for it, but we're actually normally really smart because we're actually American semen of the air. Wow. Seamen of the air. Well, I mean, that's basically the end of the report

because, I mean, we still don't fully know, of course. Is this a mystery? Is this Christmas Time Mysteries part three? Yeah. Is this a Christmas mystery? It's a Chris mystery. Whoa. But I suppose you make a good point.

I mean, to me, I'm sort of like, oh, that's bullshit. But then what happened to Peniston? He saw something. He touched something. He touched something. And then he had like binary code in his head. Yeah. He had some sort of episode.

Because it feels like there's a possibility that it's embarrassing to have these things and others were like, I would prefer to just say I didn't see anything. It was a lighthouse. Right? So they cover it up. Or Uncle Sam gets in their ear and says, you better not say anything about those UFOs. Yeah. Because they're my friends.

And I want them to stay under wraps because they're just here on holidays. Okay? Just a private little holiday. We're having a little catch-up and they're going to go away again and they won't be back for a while. But if you blow their cover, they can't come and visit anymore. I'm due to go to their place next Christmas. Oh, and it was a Christmas time.

We go one, you know, we share. Yeah, I think it was real aliens, covered up by Uncle Sam, because I were visiting him. That sounds right to me too, though, Jess, but you did the research. What do you think? Well, you've, I mean, I was really expecting you two to jump on board the piss-taking. But-piss-taking? I think you've convinced. I think you've convinced me.

I mean, we would never do that. That's pretty offensive. There's two things we don't joke about on the show. One, Helen Keller, two aliens. That's it. Okay. She's a hard person to joke about as Aurelias. That episode was barely comedy.

Very interesting. Yeah, so interesting. But yeah, I mean, I'm open to other people's theories, their feedback. They should they get onto you on Instagram or? That's right. What's a better way to get onto? Instagram's normally the one you like for people to contact you on? It is normally, yes.

It is normally. normally. But I guess there's more of a picture thing, so I probably wouldn't work for this. Yeah, it wouldn't work for this. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with my Instagram. So they look up at Jess Perkins. Yeah, and it'll be there. I got hacked.

I got hacked and the account is gone. But it might come back. So who knows? If not, we rebuild. We rebuild. At Jess Perkins, one. We start fresh. Yeah.

And maybe. At Jess Perkins, two. That's good. Maybe I'll start fresh and I'll just have one of those very curated, like, all my photos will be sort of on a colour scheme, you know? It'll be like art. And they all match up to make one big picture. Yeah.

And it's a private account. Yes. Yeah, make it private. That's right. You got to 10,000, which was your dream. And then they all came crashing down. I got to celebrate that dream for a solid two minutes. Maybe instead of aiming for 10,000, you should aim for one.

One good follower. Yeah, just get one good follow. You had 10,000, but weren't any of them good? No, that's right. You guys followed me. Yeah, exactly. Evidence right here. The Digo 1 account follows me.

I followed myself on it. Uh-huh. You need one good follower. And that follower, Bill Gates. If you get Bill Gates on board, private, no one else. If you get Willie G, then you've arrived. The King of Computers. Have I do much for my engagement.

I doubt it all. Yeah, getting Bill Gates following you. Come on. Yeah, that'll close some doors on the internet. You fucking, what are you doing? straight to the top. He deserved to be hacked. You talk like that.

Maybe Bill Gates hacked you to teach you a lesson. Yeah, and look, I've learned it and give my account back now. You know when Willie Gates closed the door on the internet? He opens Windows 95. No, that's pretty good. But yeah, that was my report on the Rendlesham Forest Incident. Fantastic. What a story.

And so Christmassy. Oh, it was. Yeah, felt the cheer. Yeah. For the Christmas cheer. They could have at least done green and red lights instead of red and blue. Something, yeah.

Or it could have happened a couple of days earlier, you know. Yeah. I wonder if they made the Boxing Day sales. Probably not. Penicillin probably would have been thinking, got enough on my plate. Are these triangles now in my pocket made out of plaster? They're pretty good.

I don't need to buy any sort of white goods. At a beautiful low, low price. Yeah, a great price. That a great price. Although I do need a mix master. Oh, now it's time for everyone's favorite section of the show, the fact quote of questions section. I want to charge a jingle and it goes over something like this. Fact quote or questions.

Always remembers the ding. Now, to be involved in this, you go to patreon.com slash dogo on pod or you can go to do go onpod. That's our website. And from there, you follow the links. And you can get involved. You can support us on all these different levels. This one in particular is the Sydney-Sharmberg Deluxe Memorial Edition, rest in peace level. If you get involved on that, you get to give us a factor of credit question.

You also get nearly all the other rewards of all the levels below. I mean, look it up, it'll make more sense. I can't explain it so good. But you get three bonus episodes. Some people love that. Yeah, you get three bonus episodes, and that's not even on a lower tier, but you get that as well and sit and join a little level. And you also get to vote in the topics, etc.

So, without further ado, here are this week's facts, quotes, and questions. Firstly, we've got Jacob Lane, and you also get to give yourself a title in this level, and his title is Simpsons. He's really, uh, lost the passion there. A part of me thinks that maybe, like, he hit Enter Too Soon,

but also a part of me believes that he was just like, I don't know anymore. I think that's just classic lane humor. Classic lane. Yeah. So Jacob Simpson's Lane has offered us a fact this week. And his fact, we should explain for first time listeners, Jacob is our, well, he used to be our Simpsons auditor,

Simpsons reference auditor, but now he's just our Simpsons. Is he taking us down Simpsons Lane? Ooh, could be. All right, so here is Jacob's fact. The fact is, sometimes Matt's beautiful, oh, I thought it ended there for a second. Sometimes that's beautiful That's so nice I'll say that

Sometimes Very rare Yeah I'd take it I'd take that I'm locking it in Yeah Yeah's gonna have that

Yeah Sometimes Matt's beautiful Dalsett tones Match the pitch of my car Making it impossible for me to hear What he says So I just crank it up to 11

I've heard that before I do speak in engine level Hi you are It's you and the alternator Yeah So it's quite unfortunate I really do apologize for that.

I've been trying to... That sounded more like a car, not less. I've been trying to... Me, me, me, mamu. That's a motorbike now. That's good. Not many people listen whilst writing motorbikes. Oh, God, watch out of that tree.

Thank you, Jacob Lane. Thank you. Thank you, Jacob Lane. Very much appreciate that feedback. And, yeah, I mean, there's got to be something we had been getting a friend to edit some of these episodes and mix them when we were recording outside the same rooms. Thanks, Josh.

And one of the requests I made to Josh was, if you can, can you make my voice audible above the sound of the car engine? And I don't know if that's happening. And Josh said, what am I a fucking magician? Come on. And we said, all right, Josh, it's a bit of attitude from you, mate. So the first edit was just him. playing my microphone through a whistle.

But that was even more distracting. We were attracting a lot of dogs in the studio. Which is great. We need more in the canine audience. Yeah, there's heaps of them, right? Yeah, heaps. Heaps. We're very popular amongst dogs.

What we want to do, we want to get the chicken audience. It's like a billion of them. There's so many. Book chooks. The book chooks on to do go on. Thank you very much, Jacob. This next one comes from Bronwyn. Aldei, who also has a fact, but she has given herself the title of head of the team

responsible for cracker removal from Dave's cheese platters. She's on Dave's right. Good work, exactly. We want our platters cheese only. Well, I want them cheese only. Much to Jess's sadness and, to be honest, aggression. I did get a bit aggressive about that, and I don't apologize. Fair enough.

Ideally, I would also love some sort of edible dipper. A. Okay, biscuit, cracker. Oh, edible dipper. Do you want some fondue? You can dip your cube of blue cheese into more cheese. There's nothing to grab onto there. It would have to be a very hard Swiss, maybe.

And the holes in that could sort of pick up some of that fondue. Some sort of scoop. Anyway, Braun has offered a fact, and her fact, is, almost all shells open on the right-hand side, with the exception of a few snail species. If you find a shell that opens on the left-hand side, in a normally right-hand side opening species. It is called a Sinistral shell.

And you have to, you have a rare shell that is often highly sought after by collectors. How is there a left-and-hand side of a shell? If you turn it around, it's the other side is what my mind was doing. Is this like a left-handed screwdriver prank? Hey, we're not on, we're not first day apprentices. Okay, Bron. We're not going to go get the bloody checkered paint.

Okay? Dave's looking up so we don't sound silly. I'm checking up check and paint. I don't understand. I don't understand, but either way, we sound silly, I'm sure. Okay, okay. A sinisteral shell is a shell of a gastropod, which is, quote, left-handed. The shell is coiled in an anti-clockwise direction,

so that when viewed from the front, in an ventral view, with the spire upmost, you have to hold the spire on top and look at it from the front, the opening or the aperture appears on the left. Yes, that clears it up a lot I mean I've got an image So it is making a little bit easier for me So yeah the Spire When is the opening

Yeah I think that I think I get that more I'm picturing it like upside down And now you go oh that's opening on the left Let me It's opening on the right now Dave's also said he has an image So it's making it easier for him

But he's not Flip it over I was trying to find one that did Oh okay I mean it's slightly less confusing looking at it Yeah You can still...

Shells are pretty sexy, hey. Yeah, yeah. They're real horny, Dave, put that away. Yeah, please put it away. I want to fuck that shell. Yeah, I want to fuck that shell. I want to put it in me. I want to get in it.

I don't care if it's left all right. I don't care. I don't know. I'm going to be playing Russian shells later on. Who's in who? I'll never know. I'm going to get sinister with this shell. Yeah.

I want to crawl up in a shell and I'm going to crawl up inside of me. Oh, wow. And then a little... Little crustacean puck's out, goes, hello. I don't know why. That's hard. I'm glad.

Anybody in the car just heard nothing for a bit and then, hello. I'm so glad that little crustaceans happy anyway, because I didn't know it was in there. Well, he's saying hello and then he realizes where he is. And he's like, oh, no. Oh, no. Thank you so much, Bron, for that fantastic fact. We got it.

Hopefully whoever's editing this episode will trim that down to make it sound like we fully got you straight away. Quit to say caprendo. Capish. Capish. Catfish. Catfish. The next one's from Jordan Nassie, who is the Dugan official lion tamer and keeper guard of the embassy. Very important role.

Thank goodness. We've got a lot of lions. And Jordan's got a question. Here it is. What is the best relationship advice you have ever received? received or given. What's the best advice you've ever given? Well, it hasn't happened yet.

It's about to happen now. Best specifically relationship advice. Yeah. I reckon there's if it's not working, don't fight too hard for it. Does that make sense? Yeah, give up easily. Exactly. Nothing's worth it.

First sign of conflict. Divorce. Yeah, exactly. You're not married? Get married, get married, get divorced. That way they'll take you seriously. And not annulled, you've got to wait long enough until it's divorce and then divorce. Yeah, so they have a tip of your finances, that's what you want.

Look, I mean, obviously, you don't want to just give up straight away all the time, but I've just seen and been in relationships that you fought for, and then in hindsight, you're like, oh, there were signs a while into this, and I think we've wasted each other's time for a bit. But it's so hard to see them when you're in it. Yeah, it's true. So it is tricky. Yeah.

And, you know, I've also fought for relationships that was worth it too, I'm sure. Yeah. I mean, they all need a little bit of fighting, as in fighting for. I mean, I don't get a lot of relationship advice. I'm in a perfect relationship. So everyone's like, oh, you guys have got this nailed. No need for me to step in. Mainly is stuff like keep it up.

Yeah. You're doing it. Keep it up. Yeah, this is it. Oh, my God. Yeah. Stuff like that. Can you vlog about this more?

So is that, does that help you? Is that answer your question? Yeah, yeah, that does actually, because I read that question. Jordan, is that you? Good relationship advice. I mean, you should be your team. Yes, right? Trust yourself, trust your gut.

Yep. I guess it depends on how far into it you are as well. The advice would change. Also, I should say I'm not at all qualified to give advice on this. I still haven't finished my diploma in relationship advisory But you're going to get there Yeah, I'll get there

You're doing what, one unit a year? One unit a year So 12 to go or something 12 to go You'll get there Hey just like a relationship Slow and steady wins the rate That's right

Unless you want to jump in Then all right Then do that I feel like my advice is all being grim Be nice Yeah be nice I feel like Whatever you do whatever you want

to do as long as you're on the same page, you know? Some people are like you have to wait a year to move in together or to get engaged. It's like, well, who cares? If you're both on the same page, then that's all that matters. You're met at the bar. You're both looking for a place to say. You're both out of town. Buy a place.

Yes, it's cheaper. It's cheap. In the long run. It will work out. Rent money's dead money. Leapley told me that. Exactly. Absolutely.

Yes. Oh, Jordan. I'm so sorry. But, yeah, I think, I think. I think you've got to let her go. Or him. Sorry, Jordan. I mean, reading the subtext.

Yeah, if you are vaguely turning to a podcast, maybe something's wrong. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Three people who, I mean, you know, very little about their relationships. And maybe we're all in terrible ones. Very possible. Jordan's also like, I can't want to take this advice, so I know what not to do. Yeah, that's very possible.

Well, I'm on our Oprahmagg.com with best advice for healthy relationships. and one, according to experts, and I do not agree with this. Okay. Don't expect your partner to be your BFF. Oh. Oh, no, no, no. All right. But are they saying, like, your only friend maybe?

Because you need, I think you need other people in your lives. Yeah, okay. You probably should be... Your mother should be... Your father should be up there, I reckon. Yeah, like... The postman. You know, you've got other BFFEs.

I feel like you can say that about your boss. Don't expect your boss to be your BIRF. Yeah, yeah. I mean, the person you're spending the most time with, that should be pretty close. You should like hanging out with them. Yeah. That's what I reckon.

That's my hot take. Yeah, Oprah. Okay, maybe it's not working out with you in Stillbard or whatever his name is, but... Stillbard, yes. Sinbad. No. What's his name? Like Stilton or something like that.

Stillbar's the Scottish version of Stuart. Oh, is it? Stedman. Stedman. And I'm only in that because I googled it. Yeah. Okay, Dave. A bit defensive there.

I mean, mine was Sinbad. I know fake typing when I see it. Find a bit of advice. Choose to love your partner. every day. Oh yeah. Choose. Got to get up to get down.

Yeah, make the choice. Hey, choose laugh. Choose love. Choose laughs. Choose love. The big girls. Finally, we've got Rachel Johnson, who is the pod, Papa of the pod.

And it's so good to have you in. Oh, and Jess is talking on your microphone. She's just pointing at your name. That's confusing for everyone else. But also, I don't. I don't think we've thanked Rachel yet for magnets. Oh, yes. There's a package that's been sitting downstairs at the studio for possibly months.

Yeah. No, it can't be months because it was happy Bloctoberfest. Oh, right. So, month and enough. Thank you so much, Rachel. Rachel made us custom magnets. So cool. We've split them up, three apiece.

Each got a little triptitch. If I did the sun's right, I might have been two apiece. But anyway, thank you so much, Rachel. And Rachel has given us a fact as well. And Rachel's fact is. When I fact checked my fact, it turned out that it is not so much a fact as a vague theory. Oh well, here it is anyway. An important 19th century fossil collector and paleontologist named Mary Anning is said to be the inspiration for the tongue twister.

She sells, she sells, oh my God. She says, sorry, I was just having a second go at the first bit. She sells seashells by the seashore. She sells seashells by the seashore. I heard that as well recently in, I think maybe Bill Bryson's short history on everything. I think he references it in that or some other audio book I was too recently. That's a fun fact. Two shell facts today.

Yeah. What? I didn't even put that together. I'm just like, yeah, what is it? I was forgetting this isn't the Shell Hour podcast. And a bit of relationship advice, always keep your shell up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Always keep your shell up so other people can fuck it.

Yeah, for sure. Left hand, right hand. Who cares? Open it up. It's 2020, baby. Open up your shell. Thank you to our fact quote or questions. And like I say, get involved on the Sydney Schoenberg level if you want to do that. Next, we thank a few other patron supporters on one of the other levels and they're on the shoutout level. And Jess someone else little game for each of them. What are we going to do today to these good people? I was thinking that we could. Fuck them with the shell.

Choose which shell we fuck them with. Yeah. Conch. Everyone gets conch. Everyone gets a conch. Except for someone who gets a hermit crab. You get a conch. Thank you.

Thank you, Stedman. Because you're Oprah. That makes me Gail! Whoa! The best friend. Stedman, the one that organizes all the gifts. He's like, at BMW, got to buy 80 cars.

Got to buy 80 cars. Well, Oprah's going to kill them. I'm going to sleep on the couch tonight if I don't buy 80 cars. I was thinking we could come up with things that they've seen. seen and mistaken for a UFO. Oh, that's great. Fantastic. Well, if I may kick it off, I would love to thank from Moncrief

in the Australian Capital Territory. It's Nick Lucas. Nick Lucas. He's mistaken the demon eyes of those clowns in Parliament as being the lights from an alien craft. Were they, was Parliament sitting at night? Yeah, they were walking past.

They're having one of those annual balls that they have. The winter ball. Yep. And, yeah, Barnaby Joyce emerged. And they're like, oh, what's that? Oh, it's just a former leader of the National Party. Fantastic.

Gotcha. Yeah, they were all in there together. And we all thought that they hated each other in different parties, but they're all wearing the same robes and sacrificing the same goats. Anyway. So, I don't know. We had a Friday night for us, I guess. Yeah.

They all had lizard heads. Oh, well. I don't know. Anyway. Anyway, how are you? Thank you so much, Nick, and thank you so much for keeping your eyes up on those clowns up in the big top on Capitol Hill. Next, I'd love to thank from Woodbridge in VA, maybe Virginia. Yeah.

Robin A. Bookite. Robin A. Buchite. Robin A. Buck hate. But I hardly knew you. And Robin saw. Proustar. Oh. Oh, wow.

Was Stedman driving? Of course. Stedman does everything. Yeah. And this makes sense because Oprah is rich enough to buy alien tech. Exactly. Absolutely. So you were right to think it was alien tech, it was, but it's legit.

She paid full tax and everything. But it's just Oprah getting from A to B. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a busy woman. She is, so, but yeah, thanks for keeping your eyes. Sorry if you got a bit spooked, but it's just Oprah. as I said, A to B. Don't look into it.

It was definitely Oprah. Finally, I would love to thank from Bandura in Victoria. I love when we come back to Melbourne places. Oh, yeah. Because I can pronounce them. Yeah, it's good, isn't it? From Bundura in Victoria, I'd love to thank Christian Evory.

Christian. Christian Evory. Christian. Every. I mean, that word is every, isn't it? Every. Every. I try to make it into a name.

Every. So I said Every and maybe that's what it is. But maybe it's Christian Evry. That's great. I love that as a name. That's a real rock-solid name. Christian Evry. I mean, what I like about it is a very inclusive name.

Yes. Yes. What about Christian Every mistook the demon eyes of the former smorgies at in Bundy that still had those sort of. of tropical style statues in front of them. Yeah. From like, you know, Polynesian islands or something. They were going for that vibe with a volcano out the front.

Yep. And he thought, oh my God, that's an alien. Oh, no, that's just an abandoned smorgies all you can eat. It's an abandoned smorgies. Ah. Is that the one? There's one around there. Maybe it's somewhere else.

But it's that kind of, I think it was taken over as a smorgies. And their motto, it always makes me laugh. Going past it. Their motto is, let them eat. Which really feels like, you know, base level rule for a restaurant. Yeah. It's an eatery. But you can let them.

Allowing them to eat is, that's what they've put on their sign. We won't facilitate them getting food, but if they somehow manage to get some. We'll allow them. Got to let them eat. Okay. We're a cool, inclusive place. Okay. Can I thank some people as well?

Yes, please. I would love to thank from Berwick, here in Victoria as well. I love to thank Ali and. Caitlin Collingwood. Allie and Caitlin Collingwood. Great names. Collingwood, obviously, you think of the magpies. Football team.

The demon eyes of Eddie McGuire. Eddie McGuire. No, no, no. What they saw Nathan Buckley playing tennis. Yep, and his pants fell down. Breaking quarantine. With his pants off. With his pants off.

Well, they mistook. Nathan Buckley's brown eye. Demon brown eye. For an alien. That's an unhast of Jesus UFO's flying low You know if they started explaining stuff With such outrageous explanations

It was Oprah's helicopter It was Nathan Buckley's brown eye You'd be like well like that's so specific It's probably true Yeah they say like if you want to tell a convincing lie To put an embarrassing detail in there That's embarrassing for Nathan Buckley Yeah I mean I wasn't going on the brown eye

Like you guys did I was just going for like a His bum doesn't see a lot of sunshine It's a bit pale Yeah A bit blurry Wow and in the middle of that Pasty air

A brown eye, yes. I, yeah, Barrick. I think of Barrick. I reckon, I don't know if he's still there, but there used to be radio ads all the time for Barry Burke from Barrick. Oh, wow. He had a used car dealership. Coming to Barry Burke from Berwick.

I'm Barry still around. There was also, I got up with this also from Berwick. David Nutter Motors. Oh, David Nutter Motors. And my dad knew David Nutter. And I thought that was an amazing name. It's a great name. It's very good.

Yeah, I guess in some ways, Berwick is Australia's Motown, Motor City. Yes, absolutely. Well, I would argue Ringwood, what with Car City Ringwood. Keep your eyes open for a bargain. Keep your eyes up and for a bargain. Car City! Free advertising there. Yeah, fantastic.

I went there once and I didn't like it. It's a piece of shit. So there's the anti-advertising square. I would also love to thank from Ash in Surrey in Great Britain, Aaron Wheaton. Oh, King Willie Wheaton. That's who he actually saw King Willie Wheat. Wow.

King Willie Wheatie out in the field, creating a big crop circle. Yeah. But he was just having a piss. It just happened that he made a big circle of pattern. With piss? Is he? King. King.

Come on, he's the king. He's the king. He's a piece of wheat. Okay. Probably quite big, hey. Is Aaron in Surrey likely to know what the hell we're talking about? Everyone knows your King Willie Wheatie. I assume King Willie Wheat is an international spokesperson for breakfast cereal.

And if not, I mean, what the fuck? You know what the fuck? Yeah. What the fuck? So there you go, Aaron Wheaton. Enjoy that. Enjoy seeing King Willie Wheatie. And finally, I would love to thank from Dunn in NC.

I'm just going to move on. Keith Williams. Well, a fun fact is that they changed their fire engines from red to blue. Oh, is that it? Yeah. I got to relearn that fact. Well done. I can't remember why, but that's the thing.

Red to blue. Because of a team? Because of a team? Oh, was it because of the university team? I don't know what one fact about them is. Something to do with Michael Jordan's shorts. No, shut up. His shorts actually changed fire engine fashion forever.

He was pretty influential, I hear. Does that have anything to do with what Keith Williams saw? Oh, Keith Williams, Keith. Yeah, he saw Keith Richards falling out of a coconut tree. What? A coconut tree. Yeah. I think you got pretty badly hurt there, but we saw it happen. And when he fell out, all he could hear was a noise that he could, he described as unearth-like. Wow. Yeah. He'd never heard it on Earth before. Wow. Which is the only place he'd been. Right. Yeah, he said, that must be an alien, because his sound was like, oh, wow. I'm like, sorry, that sounds, is that a UFO?

Landing. Is that how they recorded Jumping Jack Flash? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Chica-jong-jong. That's part of his guitar part. Amazing. Never climb a coconut tree whilst playing guitar,

unless Keith Richards. Yeah, unless you're rolling on the tape because he's going to get you a little bit of genius. Juga-jong-jee-Jew. On your Keith. On your Keith. I would finally like to thank you by me. Please.

From Dublin, Lisa Monaghan. Lisa Monaghan. Lisa saw Bono. Oh, yeah, those sunglasses. The crane man himself. And she thought, Alien! Yeah. And then went, oh, it's his glasses.

Oh, no. That's Bono. That's just Bono. It's the demon eyes of Bono. Oh, and she's because she's from Dublin, she probably hates him. She hates him. She yelled out, do your taxes, you prick. Do your taxes, yeah.

Yeah, you don't belong here, you alien. Yeah, fuck off. Fuck off. Pretty brutal, Lisa. Pretty brutal. Sorry to put words in your mouth there, Lisa, but I think you'll agree with this. Yeah, that's a good one. Good on you, Lisa.

I actually took him away, the FBI's. Yeah. The FBI took him away. Yeah. The demon FD. Right in his demon FDIs. Yeah, thank you for getting there. I couldn't get it.

You knew it was there, that's all it counts. It was something. So thanks, Lisa Monaghan. Don't worry, we've taken care of Bono. Taking care of Bono. Every day. I would love to thank now from Redditchin, Worcester, in the greatest of Britain's Ellie Nicholas.

Nicholas. Ellie Nicholas. That's a great name. As always, fantastic set of names. Oh, Ellie Nicholas saw a big old, I mean, this is a classic, but she's a weather balloon, which had a picture on it. of an alien. Oh, no.

Yeah. She was pranked. It was like a Roswell alien head weather balloon. Okay. And they were like going, we'll just lean right into it. And Ellie's like, holy fuck. It's a huge Roswell-headed alien. The fuck.

So I think in a lot of ways Ellie was right to cool that one in. Yeah. She's like more of a just better be safe than sorry. Absolutely. Yeah. She wasn't like, she wasn't completely terrified. She got, she's a bit spooked and thought, you know what? Gonna do them chew a thing here.

We call 1-800 aliens. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. About that. That's a good double take. Oh. Yeah. Thanks, Adam Nicholas.

I did a triple double. You just inspired a triple double. It's never been done before. Never been done, never been attempted. But it happened in a night. All right. Wow. I would finally like to thank from Glasgow, Louis Gamel.

Lewis Gamal. Lewis Gamal. He saw. It was a Brisbane. No. But it was being thrown by an alien. Oh my God. Focus on the right part, Lewis.

Where did they get the frisbee from? So he called in the feds. The feds came in. He's like, there's an alien here. And they came in. They grabbed the frisbee, handcuffed it, took it away. Wow. And the aliens just stood there going.

What the fuck, man? I was playing with that. I was playing that frisbee, man. Now, tell my, apologize to my kid. And there was a little kid alien. Yeah. Fantastic. Lewis didn't see, it was like you turned around,

he saw this little kid, like, welling up, all, all teary because it was his favorite, his favorite frisbee. And Lewis, like, honestly, it wasn't the, I was talking about you guys. Yeah, I wanted to get you locked up. You actually did pretty well out of this. It's weird they didn't take you. They handcuffed a frisbee. Did you see that?

It's really strange. Maybe they were aliens. How they even cuff a frisbee? Yeah. Good luck. They punched holes in it. They do some scientific experiments on it. Yeah.

And then implanted some of the Frisbee did. DNA Scully. Yeah, that's right. She is now a part frisbee. She is given birth to five frisbies. Wow. Yeah, it was very painful. Yeah.

But the doctor called them all, so. It was pretty amazing, actually, yeah. It's a frizz boy. It doesn't quite work for girls, so. Yeah, no. Fris baby. Frize baby. Fris, baby.

Oh, we are losing it. Do we have anything else to do? Oh, we've got to... Of course we've got to welcome in. Anyone into the Trip Ditch Club? Let's have a look. I'm sitting out on the road, out in front of the club. Checking the guest list.

With a clipboard. With a velvet rope. Jess is inside. Doing some last minute. Cocktail shaking. Yep. Dave's booking the band. He's looking stressed, actually.

Did you remember, Dave? Oh, thank goodness. I heard aliens and I thought, you know what? You know what Crackbub believes in those? Tom DeLong. from angels and airwaves. I'm afraid it wasn't the good one. Sorry, everyone.

Yeah, because he was in multiple other bands that were better than that. No, we could have had a box car racer as well. But no, it is angels and airwaves. So sorry. Do not ask him to play, damn it. Yeah, that all really fire him up. Well, let's have a look if anyone is being welcomed into the club today on episode.

What episode are we doing? right now. 269. Oh, nice. Is that what you asked? Sure. Comedy's always, always on your mind. Well, that means that we've got four inductees into the club this week.

Firstly, from Brisbane in Queensland. I'm pretty sure I know this person quite well. It's Kate Johnson. Did you guys meet Katie Johnson at one of the live shows sometimes? Kate, welcome into the club. Oh, I'm going to be hyping up, aren't I? Don't wait? Kate!

Yes! Yeah, woo. CJ. Not bad when he had no idea what he was supposed to be doing. So now we got the momentum going, hit us with number two. Normally I do explain that. I thought I was explaining it for the audience when I explained it, but I was really explaining it for Dave.

I was also thinking there'll be some sort of cocktails on the menu. Oh, yes. No, no, no, do that. I've jumped in. We've got some momentum. Yeah, great. We've absolutely lost. CJ, don't wait.

Keep up. Yes. Also, from Cuesnal in BC, Canada. Cali Trey Could you be C any more, Kelly Trey? All right. Yeah. I mean, I can't do anything with Cuesnal.

Yeah, no. You did the right thing. Thank you. Thanks, Kelly Trey. From Brunswick in Victoria, it's Evan Munro Smith. We could just go get him. Can I just say, oh, hi, Evan? Yeah, that's great.

He's actually, but he does support us as gamey, game. That's disappointing. Yeah. This night's not going to be lamey, Leamele! Yes! Welcome to the Triptage Club. Geez, Evan, that's a great effort.

And also, finally, from London in England, in Great Britain, it's Anna Cox. Throw a spanner in the works? How about we throw an Anna in the works? Yes. All right, and Jess, what all do? Drinks are we hand it out tonight? Everything is alien themed. So you will be eating off frisbees, but they're painted loads.

UFOs. Whoa. And you can get, you know, frog in a pond. Nah, a alien in a river. Oh,

wow. Got really long, like gravy boats filled with jelly and then tiny little edible lolly aliens. It's honestly not a good week. Wow.

No, that's great. Also, every cocktail has Maduri in it, so it's green. Oh, my God,

we'll all be shit and green all week. Yeah, we will. Woo! The illusions will be, alien And if you

If you ask nicely We might We might deliver your drink Through a probe Oh Right up your butt All right, love that We'd via a shell

All right so That brings us to the end Of the episode What a fucking Shemotel It all The wheels fell right off at the end Would you want it any other way? No

I mean Yes probably But Anyway Anyway thanks so much For joining us Everybody Find us to do go on

all of the things. That's right. Hit us up at dogo onpod.com. Lots of links for you to check out. But we'll be back next week with another episode. But until then, thanks so much for listening. And goodbye.

Bye. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want, it's up to you. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester.

We were just in Manchester. But this way you'll never miss out. And don't forget to sign up, go to our Instagram, click our link tree, very, very easy. It means we know to come to you, and you'll also know that we're coming to you. Yeah, we'll come to you, you come to us. Very good.

And we give you a spam-free guarantee.