Do Go On - 278 - Fritz Duquesne; The Counterfeit Hero

Episode Date: February 17, 2021

There aren't many people who pack more into their life than Fritz Duquesne did - soldier, British spy, German spy, fake war hero.... spy again. It's a wild and full on story, so come along for the ride!Buy tickets to our four live Melbourne podcasts on March 28, April 4,11 and 18: https://www.trybooking.com/BOMAA Buy tickets to Matt’s stand up MICF show ‘Nostalgia Was Better When I Was A Boy’ : https://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2021/shows/nostalgia-was-better-when-i-was-a-boy Matt’s New Interview Show: ‘Matt Your Heroes’: https://youtu.be/VVsVGkzVNZQSupport the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Buy tickets to our streamed shows (there are 12 available to watch now! All with exclusive extra sections): https://sospresents.com/authors/dogoon Check out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​ Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fritz_Joubert_Duquesne

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

Hey mates. Before we start the episode, I just wanted to let you know about our upcoming live shows. We're doing four live shows. Dave, can you give them the dates in a second? Because I forgot what they are. But I'm also doing, I want to let them know that I'm doing a show at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. It's called Mistalgia was better when I'm. I was a boy and it's on at the Acacia room at the Victoria Hotel and it's on all nights of

the festival apart from Mondays. I think it's on it something like it's around 8 o'clock. I forget exactly the time. 7.50? Yeah, I reckon 7.50 and then 6.50 on Sundays. And if you click the link in the show notes, it'll give you all the details. You can book tickets right now and you can do it with the discount code. Do go on for you beautiful. podcast listeners. Please get in and buy tickets. Make me feel better about myself. Every time, every ticket that's sold

builds up my self-confidence a little more. Dave, one of the dates for their live podcasts. We still have a few tickets available since we've made the room a little bit bigger on March 28th, April 4, April 11, April 18. They are four Sunday nights at 8.30 p.m. Also, click the link in the description of this episode. and buy a few tickets.

That would be so good. Can you still get the season passes at a discount? Yes, there are still season passes available. Four shows for the price of three. Other way around. No, yeah, that's right. I always get it wrong, but it is four shows. Three shows, the price of four.

Great deal. While I've got you all, I've also just started a five-part series where I interview my heroes. The first one was with Andrew Gaze-Gaze. And that's already up on the stupid old channel, which is the stupid old studios YouTube channel, YouTube.com slash stupid old channel, I guess.

And the link to that is in the show notes as well. The next week's episode is with my all-time favorite AFL footballer, Saints legend, Justin Frankie Peckett. So get ready to watch, laugh, learn, and probably cringe a bit as I'm doing right now, thinking back to it. It was really nice. I just had regrets, you know.

Like you do after meeting people. Why wasn't I cooler? Anyway, we should get on with the show, I guess. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Ornicki, and as always, I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. Hello. Hello. And before we hear more from them, let me tell you that this show is a little podcast that we've been recording for a few years now,

where we're taking in terms to report on a topic, often suggested by a listener. and the person doing the report, they go away, do their research. The other people don't know what they're going to talk about. And it's just as turn to do that report this week. And we always start with a question to get us on the topic. JP, hit us with a question. Which World War I spy was known as the Black Panther. Oh, God, that's such a cool name.

Oh. Okay. It probably, to be fair, won't be a name you recognize. Okay. I'd be surprised if you've heard it. But then again, I'm an idiot. So why am I assuming that my knowledge is the same as everybody else's? So can I rephrase the question?

You tell me what's the answer to the question? Who's this about? This is about Frederick or Fritz Duquesne. Okay. Let me rephrase the question for you. Yes. All right, thanks. Yep, I'm doing the report this week.

I am Jess. Frederick Duquesne would have fought in the First World War. he was better known by which Marvel character title. Oh my God, I actually know this. Captain America. No, not right. Sorry. I'll have a stab by Matt.

Black Panther? Correct. Fuck. One for Matt. Well done, Matt. You're so smart, Matt. Thank you, Jess. God, I wish Dave was as smart as you because he is dumb.

I wish that too. It's just trying to keep up, isn't he? You can see the pedals. sort of moving in his brain. It's kind of sweet, but it's also infuriating. Yeah. Because he's always wrong. I like how you opened the show today, David.

It felt like we're on like a BBC show. Somehow it just felt classier, right? And we both just say hello. That's how they start all those shows, isn't it? It's like, I'm here with up. I don't want to hear from you yet. Let me explain what we're here for. Shut up.

Shut up. I'm here with Matt and Jess. We're here for them in about 15 minutes. But before that, here's a brand. Just very pleasant. A lot. I like it. I like it a lot. I feel classy. Well, um... Am I right to feel classy? No. So I put this one up to the vote because we've sort of had a couple of episodes.

Have we had two in a row so far? That was World War I related? Yes. We picked it off with the event that kicked off the First World War, the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand. And then we heard of that famous fighter pilot, but the ace of aces, the red baron. What a great name is right. Well, you know, great to disagree. What do you think of the Black Panther is a nickname? Yeah, that's sick.

That's a great nickname. It's not the same word twice. If it was the Panther of Panthers, I'd be like, that's no good. Yeah. Great point. Ace of Aces, stupid. What about the Panther of Aces? The Ace of Panthers?

The Ace of Panthers. Now we're getting somewhere. Now we're getting somewhere. Now I'm interested. That's actually cool. Well, I put another few sort of World War I topics up to the Patreon, and they voted, and this one won by, I think it was, at one stage it was there was 10 votes in it.

I think it ended up winning by a little bit more, but it was a pretty tight race. But I think they chose pretty well because this is a fairly wild story. And firstly, I do want to mention as well that this topic was suggested by Aaron Butler and Kelly Clark. And if you want to suggest a topic, You can do so. There should be, there's a link in our show description

where you can just chuck in any topic you think might be interesting. And that's how we find most of our topics. That's right. You can also go to our website, do go onpod.com. That's right. Or just email us and I'll email you the link. That happens a lot. Even though we've had that link readily available for many years.

I appreciate that you reply to me once a week with that information. I say, Dave, please stop hassling me on our joint email address. You have my phone number, leave me alone. Well, you blocked that years ago, but anyway. So I wanted to start with a quote from one of the websites that I used a bit for this report. And it says, the story of Frederick or Fritz, Duquesne's life reads stranger than any fiction. And in many cases, it is a fiction of his own creation. Most historical sources agree that he was a confidence trickster,

extraordinary and that many details of his life were crafty embellishments or outright lies. So there's definitely going to be points where we're like, this is what is mostly believed, but not super backed up. Right. Does he claim to have assassinated Archduke Franz Ferdinand himself? Yes. Also, he was the Red Baron. Yeah, I am the Red Baron and I'm also Mary Poppins.

And I also shot the Red Baron. Red Baron. Yeah. Wow. So I'm very interesting. I love it. I love a guy who writes his own fan fiction. And I'll tell you what, this guy packs a lot into his life. So let's get stuck in. So Fritz Dukane. I'm just going to call him Fritz through all of this. Also, his surname is spelled D-U-Q-U-E-S-N-E, but that is pronounced like Duquesne. Is that his first lie? That does not sound right. It doesn't. He was born in 1877 to a Boer family in South Africa.

He was the eldest of three had a younger sister named Elspitt and a younger brother named Pedro. His father, Abraham, supported the family as a hunter and he frequently travelled to sell skins, tusks and horns. Young Fritz followed in his father's footsteps and became a hunter as well. And it was during one of his early hunting trips that he developed an interest in Panthers. He observed a black panther,

patiently waiting, motionless, for the perfect time to strike a cautious African buffalo drinking from a nearby watering hole. He decided the panther would be his totem, and he adopted the panther's hunting style into his own. So stay still. Oh, okay, not walk around on all fours. Just going, wailing your arms around,

not necessarily an effective hunting style. So he was actually the first to stay still when hunting. Really? He came up with it. He brought that into humans. Well, Panthers. A panther came up with it. Yeah, exactly. And then he said, hey, Panthers seem to have a bit more of a success rate than we do.

I think there's probably, why don't we stay still? Probably listeners who want me to question the fact that he has a, he's from a family of boars. We're talking wild pigs? No, B-O-E-R, like the Ball War or something. Yeah, right. They're like a Dutch and French descendants in South Africa. Quite dull, I'm thinking.

No, that's B-O-R-E, Dave. We were both wrong. Damn it. There's a third bore. And you know what? Like sometimes I will put in like a bit of an explanation of things just to like clarify anything for listeners or if it would be something that maybe I would be confused by.

And in that one, I was like, I reckon Matt and Dave will know. And so I didn't put anything in there. And then I just had to recall it. And I might be wrong. Now, what I'm guessing here is that Jess knew that there's a couple of idiots here who will be asking, so she wouldn't need to put that in. Oh, look, I was, like I said, I was asking for the listeners. I'm there kind of to do it.

I knew that the balls were a Dutch, South African French. I knew that. And that's why the boar wars. And I didn't always picture the boar wars to be pig fighting. Bores, exactly, yeah. That's not what I ever did. So it's weird that you insinuated that it was. Do you know what, actually?

I saw something on Facebook the other day that was like, I was today years old when I realized that this little piggy went to market didn't mean it went shopping. And I was like, oh, fuck. Yeah. And why did one of them? have false teeth? None of them had false teeth.

This little piggy went to market, this little pig had false teeth, this little piggy had none, isn't it? You're thinking of roast beef. Roast beef. A roast beef. This little pig had false teeth. Was that the Marabin version?

I mean, surely there are different versions. Yeah, I know. I mean, very different. So one of them is sent a market to be sold, slaughtered and sold. One of them stays home. Who knows what is getting up to watching the telly? One of them eats some care.

Okay. Roasted them. One of them has nothing. One has none. Geez. And one of them goes, we, we, we, we, we, we, we all the way home. Okay, but one of them is already at home. It's so confusing.

It's really odd. I suppose like any home, they kind of come and go as they please. Yeah, but five very different outcomes for those five pigs. Which would you prefer? I'd prefer to have the false teeth. I prefer to stay home. Yeah, I think that's probably the one. Yeah, that's the good one I reckon.

But going wee, we, we, we. Wee, we, we does sound fun too. Yeah, that's me. Probably that's you, Dave. You can have that one. Thanks. Anyway, now, so yes, he's decided that the panther will be his totem and he will stay still when hunting.

Now, I'm not entirely sure how old he was when he started hunting or when he decided he would use the Black Panther as a totem, but I did read something kind of fucked that was very flippantly mentioned on Wikipedia. It just said at age 12, Fritz killed his first man. I was like, okay. Moving on. A Zulu man who attacked his mother. He used the man's own short sword to stab him in the stomach.

Right, at 12. That was it. That's it. Two sentences about a 12-year-old committing murder. Killed at 12. But it sounds like, was it self-defense is how it's told, right? I suppose so, yeah. If it was attacking his mother, that sounds like, well, not self-defense,

it's mother defense. Yeah. Can you use that in the court of law? It seems this would be the first of me. many killings the young Fritz would make. Always in defence of his mother? People are attacking his mother constantly. In terms of family, apparently a gun battle broke out at one point,

and Fritz still a child, shot and killed several people. Okay. Baffling. It speculated that his family were rather well off, and this is supported by the fact that at 13 he was sent to school in England, and after graduating, he attended Oxford University for a year before attending the Royal Military Academy in Brussels. Although it's worth mentioning that a record of his attendance at either of these institutions

does not exist. So that's fun. Okay. Are they good at keeping records at Oxford University? Yeah, sure no. They couldn't keep track of every student. Or the Royal Military Academy? Yeah, I'm sure.

A military academy is not going to be taking fastidious sort of records. We've got a lot on, okay? Are you in the Army? You? No, you're not. Okay, sorry, I don't know. Just talk of people that say walk past the base. Hey, come back to work.

If you work here, you don't? Okay. All right. All right. Carry on. Carry on. I mean, some of them are wearing arm and critiques. You there, holding a picnic basket and a kite.

Do you work here? A picnic basket full of grenades, is it? Bring them back. Bring it back. Oh, just sandwiches? Okay, as you were. Is that a murder drone or not? Which one is it?

Oh, we don't have those yet. A fun drone or a murder drone? So, um, Another sort of quote here is that since much of what has been written about the man has its origin in a 1932 biography in which he collaborated, there may indeed be some grounds for doubt. So he could be bullshitting and this biography is kind of like one of the main sources. So that's possible. But we believe he went to Oxford and then the Royal Military Academy.

Even Fritz himself wrote that after he finished school in England, he was sent to Europe to study engineering. but on the ship he met an embezzler named Christian de Vries and the two decided to take a trip around the world. So even his own writing sort of contradicts it a little bit. But regardless of what he was studying, when the second war war broke out in 1890, 22-year-old Fritz returned to South Africa to join the Boer Commandos as a lieutenant.

And during the siege of Lady Smith, which is a fantastic name of a battle, Fritz was wounded, shot in his right shoulder. After this siege, he was promoted to the rank of captain in the artillery. During the Second Boer War, when British forces began to put more pressure on, some of the gold from the central bank was taken to be shipped to the Netherlands for the use of President Paul Kruger and other Boers exiles who had fled South Africa. Basically, the president was kind of like, oh, we might actually lose this.

So we took a bunch of money out of the bank in gold and like shipped it. You know, some of it would have been used towards war efforts. Some of it would have been to help people who had fled. But the goal... Some of it would have been used for false teeth. Some of it would have been used for none. Some of it would have been used for wee, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we. The gold was sent by train to the small, to a small town.

and then by road to Lorenzo Marquis in Portuguese East Africa, now Mozambique, and then shipped to the Netherlands. So it was like this big epic kind of journey for the gold to go on. Collectively, it was about 1.5 million pounds or 680,000 kilos of gold bullions. What? What? It was taken from the South African mint between the 29th of May and the 4th of June 1900. So in the space of a few days, 1.5 million pounds.

of gold taken out of the bank. Crazy. What was that number? 1.5 million pounds. And this is in the older days. That's worth more even now, right? That's like in, that's weight. Yeah.

So 680,000 kilos. I don't even understand what that means. Yeah. That's a lot of gold. That's worth, that's worth like many pounds. That sounds like most of the gold ever. Wow. Yeah, I don't think there's any gold left.

Jeez. And guess who was in command of one of these large shipments? Oh, Johnny Boar. Darrow. Yes, actually, yeah. Yes, oh my God, you're very good at this. But also another one was Fritz to Kane. Yeah, he had some as well.

So while in the Portuguese East African wilderness, a violent disagreement broke out amongst the boars. I'm not sure how many men there were on the journey, but by the end of the violent disagreement, only Fritz, two wounded boar soldiers and their toties, who were like native porters, remained alive. So just a bunch of people died over a disagreement.

We don't have any information on what the disagreement was over, but it got violent. Wow. So Fritz ordered the totties to hide the gold in the caves for safekeeping and to burn the wagon and kill the wounded. He's brutal. I do love the word toddies though. Toddies is great, isn't it? So it's a brutal little story there.

What a nice word in the middle. Little toddy, little native porters. I guess they're kind of like the equivalent of Sherpers or something. So he gave the toddies all the oxen except for one, which he rode away on. And a historian named Art Ronnie, incredible name, writes in 1995 that the buried central bank gold commonly referred to as Kruger's millions is only a legend. However, in more recent times, there have been reports about discoveries in South Africa of the missing gold buried by Duquesne.

I read that there was a story going around as recently as 2001. that a family had found the gold, but there's still no proof. The story goes that this big fight broke out, the gold was hidden and he rode off on an ox. Something that is a little bit frustrating about Fritz's story is that you read wild bits of info, like this violent disagreement happening, and then the next piece of info is somewhere completely different doing something else, and the connecting tissue of the story isn't around or it isn't readily available in the resources that I've found. So it feels to me like there's just a series of jump cuts.

Or it's like a sitcom where you kind of, like you can pop in at any time and you kind of, you get it. His life is a series of vignettes. Yes, thank you. All played by Steve Pashimi. Wow. He just sounds like maybe he might be magic or something. Do you think?

Okay. So maybe people are like, he's made it up, but really he's a wizard. And that's why he's just all of a sudden I'm here, new reality. And he's just snapping his fingers. But, hey, maybe he's more like a... He can travel through space and time, maybe. He's using all of his brain, 100% not like us, according to some movies.

He's using all of it. Well, it sounds like an awesome way to steal a shitload of gold as I was saying, oh, I know, I had the totties hide it in this cave here, and then you just take it all, and then for the next 100 years people get looking for it. People keep looking for it. Anyway, so the next we hear of Fritz, he's back with the Boer Forces for the Battle of Burgendale in 19,

where his unit were captured by the Portuguese and sent to an internment camp. While in the internment camp in Portugal, he charmed the daughter of one of the guards, who then helped him escape to Paris. Again, like not a lot of info. He just charmed her. Charmed the daughter of one of the guards. Yeah, why was she hanging around at this internment camp? And what is, she's like, Dad, let this prisoner go.

He charmed me. Dad, I like him. Come on, please. We're going to run away together. Me, that prisoner. He's a wizard. It's like work experience or something. Yeah.

Well, that is an internment camp, Dave, so that makes sense. Internship camp. Oh, that's good. You know something's good is when someone grimaces. No, it just took me a bit to get it. I was like, I don't get it. Intern. So he escapes to Paris.

From Paris, he made his way to England, where he's, He infiltrated the British Army. So as an officer in the British Army, he was posted to South Africa, where he was from. Oh, okay. Kind of like he scored a free ride home. Yeah, take it on. But while they're with the British Army, his unit passed through his parents' farm in Nostrom, and it had been completely destroyed.

Oh, that would be shattering. And you've got to pretend it's not, you know, because that would give away who you are. So you just have to pretend to be unaffected. So would he be fighting on the opposite side to his parents or? Yeah. Right. So it has to be like, yeah, glad this. So the Boer Army fought against the English army.

Yeah. Which I knew as well, just clarifying. These are all things that I know. And I'm saying it was a lot of confidence too when I go, yeah. So a lot of families have lost their properties under Herbert Kitchener's scorched earth policy. It's basically a military strategy. that aims to destroy anything that might be helpful to the enemy. So farms gone.

Fritz also learnt that his sister had been killed and his mother was dying in a British concentration camp. And this is a quote from historian Art Ronnie again. It's such a good quote. It says the fate of his country and his family would breed in him and all-consuming hatred of England and would turn him into what a biographer Clement Wood called a walking, living, breathing, searing, killing, destroying torch of hate.

Whoa. He's just like, I fucking hate the British. Sounds like you have the dictionary open. Yeah. Killing, destroying. He's just like got a mind map and some texters. Horny, maybe. Horny.

Frazzled. Horny and frazzled. My ears are burning. What a way to be. So he's very understandably pissed. It really sounds like so. what you've told is the opening of a film. This is the origin story of how, you know, Rambo or, I don't know,

I've never seen Rambo, but one of those films where someone's out to get vengeance, John Wick or something. Absolutely. Have you seen John Wick? No. But I know that his dog or cat has killed and then he, in the rest of the movies, him getting vengeance for the dead dog or cat. All right, spoiler.

I think that's right at the start. So? It's still spoiled it for me. I still haven't seen the very start of it. Sorry, Jess. Edit that out so I don't ruin it for others. So he returned to Cape Town with secret plans to sabotage British war efforts and to kill Kitchener. John Wick, I mean.

He's like, I'm going to fucking kill him. But he was going to need some help, a rag tag bunch, if you will. This is a movie. Love it. Yeah. He recruited 20 bore men to help him. Not sure if these were people that he already knew. or how he recruited them.

However, it's always risky involving that many people in any plan because apparently the wife of one of the men betrayed the group, giving them away to the British. And on October 11th, 1901, while attending a fancy dinner party, Fritz was arrested for conspiracy against the British government and on the charge of espionage. Now, I feel confident as the feminist of this podcast to say this, but that was the wife who got them in the group of it.

Yeah. Well, I feel fine saying this, like I say, credentials are out there on the table, a feminist. Never trust women. Oh, God, I'm glad you said it. Because I know that was on everyone's minds. Yeah, absolutely. But I was like, well, I can't bloody say it, can I?

No, it would seem like... I'll get cancelled. I'll get cancelled. Yes. I already have been, so I'm fine. Yeah, you can't get double-cancel. As a card-carrying feminist, you're allowed to say it. I'm allowed to say it.

Yeah, I'm part of the good guys. But, yeah, Dave, Dave knows you can't get double-canceled. It's a double jeopardy. You can't kill what's already dead. I can walk up to feminism in Times Square and pull the trigger if I remember that quote from the movie, Double Jeopardy. Yeah. Okay.

Well, that's a fun reference for everyone. I'm sure there's one person. There must have been one person that got that. I saw that film in Gold Class. Oh, and what did you eat? Did you eat a curry? Is you going to curry yet? No, this is the early days.

I got a free ticket to this. I didn't have any. money to then buy food. No one's ever paid for gold class. Have they? Who's done that? Isn't it only ever vouchers? I only have a prize or a gift.

A relative who doesn't know you that well has got you in the family KK and just gone, well, that would be nice. How do they? Oh, yeah. And you always use it in the last week of the two years you're allowed to have it for. Of course, yeah. So you go, fuck, we really should use this. And the only thing on, oh, no, it's only double jeopardy, all right.

Guess I'm watching Double Jeopardy. Tommy Lee Jones. Tommy Lee Jones and... Ashley Judd. Ashley Judd from that phrasing the bar movie we watched the other month. Let's not talk about that. Okay. Double Jeopardy is good.

It's a good movie. I think it's fine. Well, I mean, I remember enjoying it 10-ish years ago when I saw it. But it's better than whatever that trash was. The coming of age of Nushley Mood or something. something like that. No, the passion. The passion of darkly noon. Got it. Thank you. I was pretty close. Anyway, what are weird sidetracks? Yes. Okay. So yes, he's charged, he's arrested for conspiracy against the British government and on the charge of espionage. He was court-martialed

as a, I mean, we say lieutenant, don't we? Yeah, I think so. But it's spelled the same as lieutenant. And it looks like it should be lieutenant, really. I'm going to say lieutenant. He was court-martialed as a lieutenant in the British army and sentenced to be shocked. along with his co-conspirators. Right. So the next day, the 20 members of his team were executed by firing squad. Oh, God. Fritz, however, managed to get a plea bargain at the last second.

And in exchange for secret bore codes and some translations, Fritz's life would be spared. Oh, he dug the boys. He would instead receive a life in prison. Yeah, he did. Oh, my God. He's a grass. They all died. Dave, you think he dog the boys, but they would.

That's not at all right. What he did was he got in the mind of the Black Panther. He said, what would the Black Panther do? Plea bargain. Yeah, like, lay still and get a plea bargain. Exactly right. I think if this is even correct that we say, maybe the British say lieutenant and Americans say lieutenant,

which I think is right, but it might not be. Yeah. But it just seems like one of the many examples of Americans going, you're saying your own words wrong. We're going to fix it for you. Yeah. I think they did that with a lot of different words where they're like, that's not right. We're changing Z to Z.

Makes more sense. Rhymed with ABC. Let's just make it easy for everyone. We're like, it's Z for Zebra. Shut up, you wanker. I say it's Z for zebra. You know? Tusha.

It's beautiful. We're all so different. I love it. I love coming together. Yeah, it's nice. Because we have so many things that are different about us, but then like so many things. that are similar, do you know what I mean?

Like we all have blood inside us. Not me. Not since I got cancelled. You got ooze. They take your blood. They remove your blood? Yeah, the replacement of the ooze. What colour is the ooze?

Green. Yeah, the preferred colour of ooze. Classic ooze colour. Classic ooze. Anyway, so he's got a life sentence now. And this historian Art Ronnie wrote, for the rest of his life, he swore he never betrayed the bore cause, but actually created new codes that would mislead the British.

But again, who knows? That's what he swears. So he's like jumping on the spot and like grabbing one ear and pulling it down saying, this means hello. Yeah, just do that and then they'll know. So he was imprisoned in Cape Town in the Castle of Good Hope. That sounds good. That's a great place to be imprisoned.

It was a fort built by the Dutch in the 1600s, in 1666, actually. Fun to say. The walls of the castle were extremely thick, yet night after night, Fritz dug away the cement around the stones with an iron spoon. He was like, I'm getting out of here. He nearly escaped one night, but a large stone slipped and pinned him in his little tunnel. The next morning, a guard found him unconscious but uninjured. So he nearly got out, but he didn't quite make it.

He also gave the game away. Oh, he was doing what a panther would do, Dave. Just lie there. Why still? Be patient. I can't see you. You can't see me. He was eventually sent to a panther. penal colony in Bermuda, known for its frequent storm conditions, shark-infested waters and

dangerous reefs. The British believed it to be an inescapable prison, but has that ever stopped anyone from trying? I think every time an inescapable prison comes up on this show, someone's about to escape. Yeah, absolutely, or an unsinkable ship. Sure, that was just one time, but it bears repeating. I think if anyone is wondering about any shapes, that come off Bermuda, triangles in particular, they should go back and listen to our Bermuda Triangle episode where we go into great detail

explaining what that's all about. I think it's a very vague memory. I remember none of that. I remember Matt, I remember leaving less. I remember Matt had his head in a bucket during the episode. Yeah, but he was also wearing a suit. So he looked great while feeling shit. And even that.

You take the wins where you can. Yeah, exactly. So on the night of June 20, 25th, 1902, he slipped out of his tent, climbed over the barbed wire fence, and swam 1.5 miles or 2.4 kilometers, passed patrol boats and managed to make it to land. Wow. Tents are very easy to break out of, admittedly. What do you have a pair of scissors?

He dug out with a spoon. Surely this is pre- Velcro, so he probably just walked out of it. It was just a flap. Maybe his zippers were invented? Maybe. They put him in an inescapable tent. Zippers feel like modern tech, don't they? Probably the last couple of decades.

How did you do up a jacket? All buttons. Oh my God. So tedious. Imagine buttoning up a tent every time. Pain in the ass. Oh my God. I wouldn't camp.

I'll tell you that for free. I wouldn't bloody go camping if I had to button up a tent. I don't go camping as it is, but... Double wooden. Definitely not. Yeah, double wouldn't. So he's made it to land and from there he went to the home. of Anna Maria Outerbridge, a leader of a ball relief committee.

And she helped him escape to the port of St. George's, where another bore relief committee member, Captain W.E. Meyer, arranged for his transportation off the island. So they helped him basically escape. Right. A week later, Fritz stowed away on a boat heading to Baltimore. And, by the way, he's only 25 at this point. Wow.

Wow, the Red Baron's already dead at this stage. Yeah. From Baltimore, he headed to New York City. Now, with his hunting and military background, what kind of jobs might he be qualified for? Oof. Lobby boy. Lobby boy. Wobby's World attendant. Wobby's World attendant, yes. Ice cream truck driver. Ice cream truck driver, of course. These are all good examples. But he, of course, got a job as a journalist. Oh. Oh. Writing adventure stories for the New York Herald.

The second ball war ended not long after, but with his family gone and his list of war crimes, he never returned to South Africa. Funny that, a list of war crimes. I mean, that's the only thing's toughing me from going home. It's a list of war crimes. And you know how at the start, we said that we don't really know how much to trust

because he bullshitted a lot? Well, there was a write-up about him in a magazine in 1908, saying he was a travelling correspondent that had been all over the world, but there was no evidence found to back that up. So it might have been true. Some of it might have been true. Some might have been lies.

He's a bit of a tough one. Maybe he just had a, wrote under an assumed name or something. Yeah, that's quite possible too, yeah. Didn't you just say his job is to write adventure stories? So his job is to make fun shit up. Yep. But he also wouldn't really want to get, if he is wanted for war crimes, he probably doesn't want to put his name down on, you know,

well-circulated prose. He seems to not give too much of a shit about that. To be completely honest. In 1910, I mean, this isn't like super relevant, but it's just, I guess, worth mentioning. He married an American woman called Alice Wartley, though the marriage would end in divorce eight years later. Eight years, pretty good run.

Not bad. Not bad. Another one of the reasons people suggest this topic is because... Like a wart hog. Like a boar. Okay. Aluminati confirmed. Another one of the reasons people suggest this topic is because of a weird thing that happened around this time. The US was going through a serious meat shortage.

So in 1910, the new food supply society was founded by Congressman Robert Broussard to import African wildlife into the US as a solution. The congressman introduced the American Hippo Bill to implement. import hippos into Louisiana as a new food source. This plan was bonkers. It's bonkers, but it was backed up by, like, so many people were on board with it. Teddy Roosevelt, the U.S. Department of Agriculture and the media. The New York Times praised the taste of hippo as Lake Cow bacon. That sounds pretty good.

Lake cow bacon. That's funny. Dave, would you be into eating some Lake Cow bacon? Cow bacon? Yeah, it sounds like someone had the dictionary open. Okay, what's something else for like a swamp? Lake, okay. Dude, it sounds like an improb troop.

They've asked the suggestions. Yeah. What do we got? Lake, yep, cow, okay, bacon, uh-huh. Let's see what we can do here. I mean, it sounds like us trying to do the Patreon reads at the end of an episode. We'll do one word each. We'll do one word each.

So they brought Fritz on as an expert, given his expertise in... Lake cow bacon. And hunting experience. Exactly. The bill ended up falling through, but Fritz, Prince became Teddy Roosevelt's personal shooting instructor and accompanied him on hunting expeditions. This guys had such a weird life. That is so odd.

It's all true. It's wild. Yeah. And this is a quote from Wiki. It says he published several newspaper articles on Roosevelt's hunting trip to Africa. Safari, big game hunting in general and the heroic accomplishments of white peoples in Africa. Okay. Yep.

By December 1913, Fritz was a naturalized American citizen, which was great news because the First World War started six months later. Naturally, as a proud American now, he became a German spy. What? He hated the British. Right. So obviously his main motivation was fucking them over. He was sent to Brazil as get this name.

This is an alias. Frederick, Fredericks. Oh, that's good. Is that raising any suspicions? So bad that no one would call it. question that because who would in their right mind would come up with that. Exactly. It does feel like the kind of name you've come up with on the spot.

Yeah, and you've seen two guys called Frederick. Yeah. Even like they say that if it's a sure sign of a fake name if there's alliteration, just the same letter twice, you go the full same name twice. Yeah, that's alarm bells. Absolutely. And he was, so Frederick Frederick's was there under the disguise of doing scientific research on rubber plants.

Like fake plants? Or it could be the plant, rubber plant. Hard to say. The plant, rubber plant. It could be the plant rubber plant. There's a plant called the rubber plant. That's where you get rubber. What?

Rubber plant. All of this, I mean, I don't know if you go to fuck with me or what. No, there's, I mean, rubber plants are a real type of plant. I know Robert plant. Oh my God. Is that in the total? Researching Ledzuff. A few years, he is credited with sinking 22 ships by planting time bombs disguised as cases

of mineral samples on British ships. Planting them. People are like, what are you doing? What are you doing here? What are you doing here? I'm just inspecting the plans. They're like, oh, okay. All right.

Carry on, sir. Great. I mean, why would someone lie about that? It's just so dumb. Yeah. Freddrich. Especially someone with a respectable name like Frederick, Fredericks. He's disguising them as cases of mineral samples.

And yeah, after bombing the Tennyson, M.I.5, operating in Brazil, arrested an accomplice named Bauer, who identified Fritz as the perpetrator and the ringleader and gave them other aliases that Fritz was operating under, including George Fordham and Piet Neacud, which is Duquesne backwards. Oh, that's better.

I'd be Snickrup. Pretty cool. Oh, I'd be Eckenroy. How are you guys doing it so quick? Have you not known that, just had that locked and loaded? Trow wets. That's pretty good. That almost sounds like it's real.

I mean, a bit better than Snickrup, yeah. That's kind of, it sounds delicious. Yeah, it does. It sounds like a little treat. So with his cover blown, he fled to Argentina and several weeks later placed an article in a newspaper reporting his own death in Bolivia at the hands of Amazonian natives.

He reported his own death. Who, too? That's the world. You wrote a story about it. Signed off, me, the guy who died. Oh no. It was all true. Oh dear.

It was all the dream. I mean, oh no. Somehow he managed to evade MI5 and returned to New York in early to mid-1916. And using the alias as George Fordham and Frederick Fredericks, he'd taken out insurance policies for the cargo he shipped and he now filed claims for the films and mineral samples lost with the ships that he sank off the coast of Brazil, including the British steamship Tennyson. So he's taken out insurance policies on the stuff that he's pretending to ship

and then blowing up the boat and then claiming the insurance. That's a sweet screen. Well, things seemed pretty fishy and the insurance companies were reluctant to pay and began their own investigations, which would go on for about a year. year they would look into it. Classic insurance companies always dragging their feet when you're trying to rip them off through fraud. Take their bloody time. Is MI5 Bond?

Yeah. No, it's MI6. He's NY6, yeah. Am I six. This is MI5. Even more secretive. Wow. While they were investigating, Fritz had word from German intelligence that he was needed

in Europe. So off he goes. And in Scotland, he posed as Russian Duke Boris Zerzeckck and he boarded HMS Hampshire with Field Marshal Kitchener, the man who had ordered the destruction of his family's farm and who he had vowed to kill. No, and they've just boarded what together? The HMS Hampshire.

Wow. Has this not been made to a film? This feels like a film. That's like, if I was watching this film, I'm like a bit far-fetched. I'm not believing this. Dial it back a bit. I can't remember which movie it is that they said was like pretty loosely based on his life. Oh, what was it?

But it has. It has been made to... The house on 92nd Street. Right. I mean, that's an old film anyway, but it's said to be loosely based on him. But I don't think there's super recent ones. I think I might by the rights, I might option this, I reckon. Okay, great.

Maybe stupid old can make a film about it. Can I play Fritz Ducane? Thank you so much. I think Boris is my face. It's like the Russian Gary or Greg. It's right up. Yeah, Boris is good. Boris is good.

and shortly before 7.30 p.m., Hampshire struck a mine laid by the newly launched German U-boat U-75, so the submarine that he'd signalled. Hampshire sank, taking all but 12 survivors. I think over 700 people died. Kitchener was not one of the survivors. So he got him. Got him. Did he get himself?

The news of Kitchener's death was received with shock all over the British Empire. people saw it as basically meaning the war was lost. Fritz, on the other hand, made his own escape using a life raft before the ship was torpedoed and he was rescued by the submarine. No way. Yeah. Wow. It's crazy.

He got picked up by a sub. So many people die in wars. Isn't that wild? An insane amount of people who do not deserve to die. Yeah. I mean, I don't think there's many people who do deserve to die. But, you know, when it's like heaps of the bag,

Like heaps of civilians, when heaps of civilians die, you're like, oh, this is fucked. Just, it's pretty clear you think some people deserve to die. And I think it's our right to ask you to listen right now. If I'm just, where's the list? Come on. Matt Stewart. All right. If we want to just take a moment to think about the list, we don't have to jump straight into the list, Jess.

End of list. Thank God for that. Jess, you need to, maybe you need to revise this list. Let's have a, let's not put the list out in public. Matt, you're getting yourself put on the list two times now, mate. You can't. You can't get double killed. You can't get double killed, Jess.

Can't you, Matt? You want to find out? Well, actually, having recently heard Dave's that he wrote when he was 12 years old, which was a recent do-go-on bonus episode, yeah, maybe. I don't want to give too much away, but maybe you can be killed twice. Two homicides, one victim. That was the time. title of my self-published novel, so thank you so much.

So Fritz returned once again to the US, but now his stories of great white hunters and African safaris no longer fascinated the American public. And when he returned to New York, he was dropped from the lecture circuit. So he needed new material and he reinvented himself and pretended to be an allied war hero, Captain Claude Stofton, Stockton, Stoffton. Wow, that's a long name. Yeah, was that the full name for Beda? Did you look that up?

Stoughton, Stuckton, Stoughton, Stoughton, Stoughton. Stoughton. Captain Claude Stofton of the Western Australian Light Horse Regiment. Oh, really? He was an Aussie. Yeah, a man who claimed to have seen more war than any man at present and claimed to have been bayoneted three times, gassed four times, and stuck once with a hook.

Okay. So he's created this character. That sounds like a great character. Yeah. And he appeared before many audiences. is Captain Claude, telling them war stories. There's a historian called John Muellum, who explains Captain Claude's career took off. His talks made decent money, his heroism earned him respect, and the ladies found him alluring.

Tell us again how you were hit with a hook. Can we see the scars? No. No. But eventually the insurance investigation caught up with him, and he was arrested in New York on the 17th of November 1917 on charges of fraud. He had in his position some pretty damning evidence too, a large file of news clippings relating to the bombing of ships,

a letter from the assistant German vice consul saying that Fritz was one who had rendered considerable service to the German courts. Oh, he's keeping this on his person. Yeah, he had that. He buried the gold, but he kept all the evidence of his crimes on him. But also, this isn't necessarily the crimes that, the Americans want him for. They want him for insurance fraud,

but the British want him for murder on the high seas, arson, faking documents and conspiring against the crown. Aversing someone for fraud and then finally out that they just, last week, sank a ship with 700 people on board. You'd be like, this is way above my pay grade. Yeah, I don't know what to do here, to be honest. I'm just to get fraud. I'm a pencil pusher.

This isn't my jurisdiction. So the American authorities agreed that they would extradite Fritz to Britain if the British sent him back afterwards to serve his sentence for fraud. I mean, is he coming back after that? Who knows? After you've completed your 800 years in prison, you better come back here to serve six months. While awaiting extradition to Britain on murder charges, Fritz pretended to be paralyzed. Oh, like a Black Panther.

Yes. Playing in wait. He was sent to the prison ward at Bres. Bellevue Hospital. And on May 25th, 1919, after nearly two years of feigning paralysis. No. Yes. Is that meant?

So you just had to shit himself for two years? Sure. I don't know what paralysis is. It's not diarrhea. Are you confusing diarrhea for paralysis? No, I'm talking about, you'd have to be like, oh no, I can't move. I can't move for two years. So you just have to sit there.

or lie there, pretending you can't move. I believe it was sort of like... Oh, was he like, oh, my fingers, I've got, my fingers gone to sleep. I think it was like legs. He needed to, he would say you had to walk with a cane and stuff. To be fair, I was imagining full paralysis. Like, you're lying there being like, oh no, I can't move.

No, I don't think he had to... No, Dave, you weren't thinking of that. You were just thinking this guy had to shoot himself. You went straight to shitting himself, Dave. The only way to convince people that you're truly paralyzed is to lie there and shoot yourself for two straight years. And then they start taking you pretty seriously. They're not watching your 24 hours either, right?

He might be like, actually... They'd have to shit at some point. Yeah, and at that time, you do it. So that's when you shit. It's like when you have a newborn baby. And then they start to go, people say, how's this guy never needed to shit?

Yeah, or in the middle of the night, that he's here, the toilet flush, and they run down there and he's just lying there. He's like, I don't know what happened. He's like, that was weird. Did you hear that? Did you hear that? Did you hear that?

So two years of feigning paralysis and just days before his extradition, he disguised. himself as a woman and escaped by cutting the bars of his cell and climbing over the barrier walls to freedom. So he didn't have to be paralyzed at all. I don't know what he cut the bars with. If he had that the whole time. No, he didn't have to pretend to be paralyzed.

Why was he dressing up if he was escaping through bars? It's like someone's cutting through those bars. Oh no, hang on. It's a woman. Off you go. No worries. Women are allowed to do that. It's fine.

Sounds like he shout himself every day for two years for no reason. Once again, Dave, that is something you have projected on to Fritz. Don't project shitting, Dave. I also write my own adventure stories. For example, two homicides, one victim. So he's 42 at this point, too, by the way. He's just escaped from prison. Over the next few years, he spent time in Mexico and various places in Europe

before coming back to New York in 1926 and taking yet another fake name, Frank de Trafford Craven. Apu de Beaumache. It's not bad. And he just started working in publicity. He worked for various film companies over many years. And in May of 1932, police arrested 55-year-old Fritz, and he was interrogated and beaten by police

and charged with murder on the high seas. Fritz claimed it's mistaken identity. My name's Craven. You got the wrong guy. Conveniently, a biography had just been written about Fritz by author Clement Wood. So police asked this author to come in and identify the man. Clement said, this isn't Fritz de Cain.

This is Major Craven, a man I've known for years. So he covers for him. Wow. Police don't believe him though. And they bring in Agent Thomas J. Toney, who had arrested Fritz back in 1917, and he positively IDed him. However, Britain declined to pursue his war crimes, noting that the statute of limitations had expired, and the judge threw out the only remaining charge,

which was escape from prison, and he just released him. So war crimes, the statute of limitations, is like about six days. I mean, this is a while later, but that's crazy. He was in part of bars for a couple of decades, no, two years, was he? Yeah, so he got it. He escaped prison in 1919. Now we're talking 1932. So, yeah, it's a bit of time.

So it's a while later. Admiral Wilhelm Canaris, who was the head of Germany's division of military intelligence, knew of Fritz Ducane from his work in World War I, and he instructed his new chief of operations in the US Colonel Nicholas Ritter to make contact with Fritz. He's like, this guy could be handy for us. The two had actually known each other a few years earlier and reconnected in New York in December of 1937. Ritter employed several other successful agents across the US, but he also made the mistake of recruiting a man who would later become a double agent, William Seabold. On the 8th of February

1940, Ritter sent Seabold to New York under the alias of Harry Sawyer and instructed him to set up a shortwave radio transmitting station to establish contact with the German shortwave station abroad. Once the FBI discovered through Seabold that Fritz Duquesne was again in New York operating as a German spy, director Jay Edgar Hoover provided a background briefing to President Franklin Roosevelt. So it's just crazy that all these big, such powerful people are talking about this one guy. They're like, oh fuck, Fritz Duquesne's around again. So FBI agents, there was one FBI agent. He used a fake name, Ray. McManus was now assigned to Fritz and he rented a room immediately above Fritz's apartment

near Central Park and used a hidden microphone to record all of Fritz's conversations. But tracking a spy isn't very easy. As the FBI agent described it, he said, the Duke, they called him the Duke, had been a spy for all of his life and automatically used all the tricks in the book to avoid anyone following him. He'd take a local train, change to an express, change back to. local, go through a revolving door and keep going on right around. Classic trick. Take an elevator up a floor.

He constantly knows every evolving door in the city. Yeah, he's like, I can always find one. He'd take an elevator up a floor, get off, walk back to the ground, take it off in a different, take off a different entrance to the building. So he was already kind of, without knowing fully yet that he was being tracked, he was always acting as if he was. What a nightmare way to travel. Yeah, it'd be exhausting, wouldn't it?

Just like to get to the shops, it would take you 11 hours. Yeah, I just need milk. Seven revolving doors later, I'm at the milk. So in June of 1941, following a two-year investigation, the FBI arrested Fritz de Kaine and 32 German spies on charges of relaying secret information on US weaponry and shipping movements to Germany. It's crazy.

So that's June of 1941, January 1942, less than a month after the US was attacked by Japan at Pearl Harbor, and Germany declared war of the United States, the 33 members of the Duquesne spy ring were sentenced to serve a total of more than 300 years in prison. Wow. It's huge. Historian Peter Duffy said,

still to this day, it's the largest espionage case in the history of the United States. So there's a whole big thing, like you could look into that in a lot more detail, but yeah, he was a spy for several years working out of the US. and 64-year-old Fritz Ducayne did not escape this time. He was sentenced to 18 years in prison. In 1954, he was released owing to ill health,

having served 14 years. His last known lecture was in 1954 at the Adventurers Club of New York titled, My Life, In and Out of Prison. He gets out of jail and goes and does a lecture, just baffling. Yeah, I guess he's got to make cash. Yeah, you're right. And Fritz Ducane, all good things.

must come to an end. No. Died at City Hospital in Roosevelt Island in New York City on the 24th of May, 1956 at the age of 78 years old. So did he see, he didn't see out his 300-year prison sentence. What a coward. That was collectively got all of them. But yeah, he didn't sort of take one for the team there and do all 300.

So a little bit disappointing there. But yeah, it's a pretty insane life. and he really packed a lot into 78 years. Yeah, that's absolutely crazy. And he travelled all over and he did, it sounds like he did bad shit everywhere. Yeah, exactly right. Definitely wasn't a good person.

But, you know, an interesting life and a tenuous link to World War I. Wasn't that tenuous? He was an active soldier in it, wasn't he? Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's true, yeah. But yeah, a baffling story. A lot happening there. hard to sort of capture it all without...

And how much do you reckon it's true? Like it sounds like he just did a lot of bullshitting, a lot of alices, all that sort of stuff. It's really hard to say, right? It is kind of hard to say. I mean, the bulk of what I've talked about today, I think can be backed up by things. It's more like some of the smaller details

of what he was doing at certain times. Like maybe the bit with the gold could have been a bit bullshit or when he was a journalist in New York, maybe some of that was a bit embellished. I don't know. Yeah. So, yeah, who knows?

It is awesome to think that one of the greatest spies of the 20th century came out with the name Frederick Frederick. I know. There's hope for all of us. But also Boris something. That was pretty good. And he got his man. So even if, like, that definitely happened that that field marshal was aboard that

kitchener. went down. So that was in World War I, right? And then he also played the, he made up an alias of an Australian World War I soldier and died out on that. So he was like connected to World War I all over the shop, sort of. And World War II and, yeah, obviously the Second Ball War, yeah. I looked that up, that while you were right, it was the British were on the other side,

which was pretty clear when Kitchener came. Yeah, yep. So he really hated the British. And look, I kind of understand why, because obviously your family were killed and everything you owned was destroyed. But, yeah, an interesting way to deal with your grief, you know. That's not what you would do. You wouldn't get the Germans to bomb to blow up the ship that that guy was on,

taking down 700 other people. You know what? It's hard to say, though, isn't it? It's hard to say what you would do in a moment. It's a hypothetical, so it is hard to say. I'd say not a great position that he was in. No, no. Wouldn't want to be in that position.

Yeah. But that does bring us to the end of the report part of the show. That's got to be one of the wildest stories of one person's life that we've ever done, I reckon. Just so many different things. Like even it sort of gets to a point where you're like, okay, and so this will be the end. And then it's like, nah, he was a spy in the Second World War as well. well. It's just baffling. So I felt like I kind of brushed over the last little part of his life a

little bit there, but he just packed so much in. It was hard to sort of capture everything. So, you know, better to have a little bit of everything, I would say. Yeah, I think this is just, he seems like, you know, sure, bad guy in some ways. But also just a real go-getter. Could not agree more. I could not agree more. Yep. It was out there. He was getting things done. You know, whatever you think of the Germans in the Second World War and how he was a spy for the Nazis. Yeah. You could argue.

Whatever you think about the Nazis, you know, put that aside for a sec. Put that to one side. This guy was a go-getter. He had moxie. You've got to give him that. Yeah. And many different names. Frederick, Frederick's obviously being the best one.

That's the best, second best, Boris, whatever. He added there were a lot of great names in this story and a lot of surnames that I've never heard before, which I enjoy. Yeah, exactly. I think he made most of them up. I did, but... Jess did. So it's hard to know what of this story he made up, what if it's real and what of it just made up. Yeah.

It is not a fictional podcast? Well, it's not meant to be. I think we normally say it's a fact-based comedy podcast. Oh, we need to go back and delete all of my reports. Yeah. And then he found a unicorn. All right. They always find a unicorn.

It's like, weird that Jess keeps finding these unicorn stories from history. But anyway. So I think, Jess, if that's the end of the report, that brings us to everyone's favorite section in the show, the fact quote or question section. I think it has a little jingle to go something like this. Fact quote or question. Ding!

Always remembers the ding. Now, the way to get involved in this is to go to do go on pod.com or patreon. slash do go on pod and you can support us on many different levels there but the one to get involved or with if you want to get involved in the fact quota question section is the Sydney Schaenberg deluxe memorial rest in peace edition level now once you do that you get to give us a fact a quote or a question and you also get to give yourself a title there's heaps of other levels some of them I mean you can get multiple bonus episodes each month the most really recent of which we sort of alluded to during the episode where Dave found a book he wrote in

2000 or 2002. That's right when I was just 12 years old, but a boy. Butter boy. And it was a Poirot-style murder mystery novel. And yeah, he reads it or just Dave and I take turns reading the chapters. It's a four-chapter book. And it was a great fun time. A lot of the supporters who've already heard it have said,

It's, you know, one of their favorite bonus episodes we've done, which is cool. Anyhow, so you can get involved in all sorts of stuff on there. But for the fact, quote or question section, let's kick it off this week with the first ones. It comes from, speaking of great names, Vincenzo Giovanni Bonadonna. Oh, beautiful, Vincento. That is like butter melting in my pasta-filled ears. Yes. Does that make sense?

You got to get pasta out of the way. That makes a lot of sense to me, Dave. No explanation required. Vinnie's given himself the title of the gay hound, and he's offered us a fact. And the fact is not so fun fact about the Tuskegee. Oh no. This is a, is this a, this is something that we mispronounce on. Some of the people corrected us.

Tuske-I-Gee. Tuske-I-Gee. And not-so- fun fact about the Tuske-I-Gee-Gee experiments. It's funny because people did correct me and I'm like, I really appreciate it, but it's possibly a word I'll never say again. And then I should have paid more attention. Not so fun fact about the Tuskegee experiments. What originally began as a six-month study known as Tuskegee study of untreated syphilis

in the Negro male turned into 40 years of what some might call an unethical approach to medical studies, including things such as uninformed constable. sent and misleading information towards test subjects, not giving test subjects up-to-date treatments such as penicillin and a wide variety of shady things. Luckily, settlements have been made and millions have been given to the families. Also a part of these settlements, the US ensured to give lifetime medical benefits to surviving subjects and their families. At least there's a silver lining.

Thank you guys always for the great content. Keep it up. Bloody hell, Vinnie, that is, that's fucked. Would that count as a grim fact, Matt? That is a grim fact, yes. I think that is, we get one occasionally, and that is, I reckon that's definitely a grim fact. Thank you for sending that our way. And it originally came out because it was a Lionel Richie album title to Steve.

Oh, that's right. In a bonus episode you did about a music quiz. Yeah, that's right. I said we were playing for an album tonight, and I said it's, It's Lana Richies. I think Matt asked which one, and I just looked up the most recent one. And, yeah, we mispronounced it.

We apologize. Thank you, Vinny. The next fact, quota question comes from David Loring. He's given himself the title of, oh, geez, this is a long title. I don't read this, I read them. And sometimes it gets me in trouble. Here we go.

Your dad, and he's disappointed that you've spent all day hungover and bed again because your mother worked really hard on your roast for lunch. and your sisters at a very impressionable age, and we know you're an adult and capable of making your own decisions, but we want you to think about how that looks to the people around you a little more. But having said that, if you're feeling better now,

we're about to play some gluto, and you're more than welcome to join. What a title, David Loring. A stream of consciousness, so. David's offered us a fact, and that is, Bateshoven's fifth symphony is the one that opens, with the very dramatic da-da-da-dum notes. If you convert that into Morse code, dot-dot-dot-d-d-d-dash,

it's the letter V, which is the Roman numeral for five. Also, the last fact I submitted was Morse code base 2. And that's coincidental. I'm not secretly working for Big Morse. Thank you for clarifying because I definitely would have thought

Big Morse was on our case again. We were all pretty worried about it. I went straight to Big Morse. Oh, here we go, big morse again. Thank you very much, David Loring. That's a great fact, assuming it's true. And the next one comes, Nathan, Nathan Damon, who's given himself the title of Officer in Charge of Rest and Relaxation, Nathan,

an important job. Oh, mate, where have you been the last few months? Gosh. Nathan has also offered as a fact. That's three facts in a row this week. This one is, the Venus Flytrap is native to Hampstead, or Hampstead, North Carolina. A quick fact about North Carolina.

They have blue fire trucks. This is a stitch out for sure. Yeah. Nathan goes on to say, today you can find the plant throughout North Carolina and South Carolina. Unfortunately, the Venus flytrap is now an endangered plant due to the shrinking habitat and poachers. Huh, that's a fun thing.

I never really thought of the Venus flytrap. It feels like it's been invented by science. But yeah, just nature did that. I think they're so cool. And also free- I had one as a kid. Yeah, I thought it was, I always felt bad when they got a fly.

Because I'm like, what a girl, it calls this planet. Like it actually eats things. And then I'm saying this fly slowly died. I'm like, ah. So you started feeding it like batteries and Lego. Yeah, I was feeding it lentils. Okay.

This final one this week comes from Drew Foresberg. And Drew is giving himself the title American Liaison, Ministry for Ozification of Long Words. Okay. And Drew Foresberg has a question to finish with this week. And his question is, what's your favorite Coldplay song? Mine's a scientist. Good question. Geez, I have to look up some of this.

songs. I reckon it's off that album. I've ever told you that they played at a festival. I was at one time and I was like feeling a bit too cool for them. And then like mid set, I was there with my sister and she looked at me like, I thought you didn't like them. And I'm hands up in the air. Really feeling it.

Yeah. I think they're just one of those bands that are sort of like people shit on. They're just an easy band to shit on. Yeah, I really like it. I listened to their rush of blood to the head, which I think is what the scientist is off. I listen out a lot at uni. I just listen to it overnight

as I'm writing my last minute assignments. God put a smile on your face. That's a song. It's probably my favourite song of theirs, I reckon. I really like the song, Violet Hill, Viva La Vida. The one where they had those sort of French-style uniforms.

Yeah, the sort of the marching beat kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, I really, Like that whole album. I like Viva LaVita. I like Fix You, I think. A classic. Yeah, they are an easy band to shit on, but I do quite like them. Yeah, I like them.

I've seen them live. It was like one of the, it was the best concert I've seen live. It was all. We've all seen Coldplay live, so there you go. I guess that's one of the things. I think they're just, they're such a big band and they're a little bit, a little bit beige, I think is what gets people to hate on them. They're like, they've got broad appeal.

and people hate it when anybody creates something. Yeah, exactly. Popular, but yeah, I mean, they reinvent themselves quite a bit, but it's always popular, so I don't really see how they're doing something right, aren't it? Yeah. But anyway, the question was really asked for that joke, which is very funny. People who don't get the reference, Shane Warn, Australian cricketer, the sheik of tweak, the king of spin.

He had a talk show for some reason, which got counseled pretty quickly, but on the first episode he had the singer from Coldplay. His name escapes me. Chris Martin. Chris Martin. And he asked Chris Martin, singer of Coldplay, the question, what's your favourite Coldplay song? But before I could answer, Shane Warren got straight in.

He said, what's your favorite Coldplay song? One's a scientist. Very fun. And Australian comedian or Australian New Zealand comedian, Tony Martin, clicked that out. And he played it on the radio a lot. and always made me laugh. I'm sure I've shared this before somehow,

but when I saw Colpo play, they brought out Shane Warren, who played harmonica with them on one side. That's right. And the whole, because it was a stadium, and you could feel us all thinking, what the fuck is going on? Why are you here?

Why is Juan you playing the harmonica? I wouldn't leave the stadium, went on board with it. No, especially the section I was in, people just looking at each other like, is that Shane Warren? like out of all the guests they could bring out to join them. Very funny stuff.

That's funny. I feel like I saw a clip. I might be getting this wrong where Michael J. Fox came out and played with Coldplay, but played one of the songs from Back to the Future. Am I making that up? It's probably, it doesn't matter. I hope that's real. All right.

Well, that means it's time to thank a few of our other great Patreon supporters. These are the people who keep the show running, and we appreciate them so much. Other awards, you know, apart from bonus episodes, you get entry into the Facebook group for supporters, and that's a nice little corner of the internet. And what are some of the other things? You get to vote on the topics,

like Jess's topic tonight was voted on by the listeners. When we do live shows or stream shows, you get first access to tickets and often a discount. That's true, yeah, that's right. And we've got, we should mention that, I guess. We've got shows coming up to the Melbourne Comedy Festival. The first lot of tickets sold out really quickly. And then the venue let us know we were allowed to increase the capacity.

So there are still tickets available, I think maybe even for all shows at the moment. But they're moving. Those units are moving. So if you are can get involved, there'll be a link in the show notes. I'm also doing a stand-up show called Nostalgia was Better When I was a Boy. and it's on at the Victoria Hotel in the Acacia Room, I think it's called. And yeah, there should be a link to that in the show notes as well. Use the discount code, do go on.

What was I talking about? Oh, yeah, so we normally thank a few of our other patron supporters here. Jess normally comes up with a little game that's based on the topic. What do you reckon, Bob? Yeah, it's a bit harder because I was doing the report today. I didn't have time to think about a game. Could be like a superhero nickname or another animal nickname. Yeah, I was thinking either an animal or we just give them a fake spy name.

Yeah, great. All right, love it. Well, if I may kick it all off, I would love to thank from Spring Creek in Nevada in the United States, Logan Long. Oh, that already sounds like a fake name based on what I said before. Alliteration. Your theory is that if you have any alliteration, that's your mind going, oh, shit, shit, I'm David. Yeah, I think so. So then Logan Long is already a spy name.

So let's change that for him to a more inconspicuous spy name. So his name is now Logan Bundaberg. Oh, that's good. I wouldn't question Logan Bundaberg. Me either. No, Jesse is sipping on a Bundaberg gingerbee right now. Yeah, I'm honestly looking around the room. If anyone at home was going.

The next one's going to be nivier like my lip balm. Logan Lamp. Logan iPhone. Logan Plaster board. Logan Penn. I can play this game. Yeah, that's good. Logan Bundaberg.

So we're just giving a surname, Marwee. I love it. All right. Logan Bundaberg. Codename, LB. I'd also love to thank from State College in Pennsylvania, the United States, Gavin Cox.

Gavin Cox. What about Gavin Thunderbird Cox? Yes. Yes. Yeah, that's good. That makes him stand out a little more, I'd say, probably. But that's like his spy nickname. Yeah, yeah, they call him the Thunderbird.

Yeah, after his time. Because he walks kind of funny. You're like a marionette. Like he's a marionette. That's how he throws them off guard. And his enemies are like, oh, do you need a hand? And then he goes, whoops. Kills him.

I'm sorry, Sarah, you are marionettes. Bam. Bam. That's great. Great work, Thunderbird Cops. Yeah. And finally, I'd love to thank from Brent. In England, Will Hudson.

Well? I mean, that's a good inconspicuous name, isn't it? Will Hudson? Yeah, it is good. What about the river? Will the River Hudson? Oh, that's good. That's good, yes.

He's got flow. That's very good. And he's also got a Bruce Springsteen song and album, which is whenever he enters the room on the speaking circuit after his career's over, the river plays. And the crowd goes wild. That's good. Closing song, Be River.

Oh, yeah. Perfect. Live version from Barking Spiders Live, 983. Oh, obviously. Is that the only version? Obviously. Yeah. Do you want to thank a few Bopper?

Yes. I would love to thank from Longwood in Florida. Only one name given here, which is mysterious in itself. I would love to thank Burrows. Oh, Burroughs. That is mysterious. Code name Tarzan. Because the creator, Edgar Rice Burroughs.

I was thinking the bunny, but yeah, I like Burroughs even better. Yes. Tarzan. Tarzan. That's good. Yeah, that's good. That's very good. That's very good day.

Already mysterious though, Burroughs. This is perfect for that. I mean, Tarzan Burroughs. You don't know who you are or what you did as long as you love us. And he calls his rifle. What's one of the other characters from Tarzan? Does he have a pet or something? Cheetah.

And his rifle's called Cheetah. Oh, that's so cool. It's like the death cheater or something. Yeah. Yeah, I like that a lot. Secondly, I would love to thank from Dublin in Ireland. I would love to thank Cthel Grant. Cthall Grant.

I'm going to call him the Banana Boy. Banana Boy Grant. Yes, love that. Love that. There are some bananas in front of you. Perfect. B, B, B, B, B. Banana Boy, see, it's an obvious fake name, but I guess I panicked, and it does work.

Banana Boy, because he's got real high potassium, like almost inhuman levels of potassium. Like dangerously high. Dangerously hot. Normally people would die with that much potassium in their system. Not cathol. Not Cathal, not in this case. And finally for me, I would love to thank from St. Peter's in M.O. Montana, Missouri.

I was going to say Missouri. You'd think of Montana. I would love to think. Maybe not. It's Missouri. Sarah Sheal. Sarah Sheal from Missouri. Sarah Sheel, the eel.

Slipery eel, can't catch her. Yeah, perfect. Yeah, perfect. Slippery Sarah the eel. They keep thinking they've got. her and she just keeps getting away. And then no one knows how. Damn it, the eel's done it again.

Damn you ill. Fantastic. Thank you so much. Sarah Sheel, the eel. I would like to now thank from Houston in Texas. Eli Fisher. Oh, the rocket. Oh, Eli, the rocket fisher.

I like that. Houston, we don't have a problem because Eli is on the case. All right. There's no problems when Eli's. Eli's involved. I like it a lot. Eli, the Rocket Fisher. I would also like to thank, going over to Great Britain, from Holmfirth and West Yorkshire,

this is many beautiful names put together. Callum, James Burgess Wiley. The Terrier. Oh, yeah, the Wiley Terrier. They say, send in the Terrier. Yeah. Callum, James Burgess Wiley, the Terrier. This is a job for the Terrier.

And then Callum arrives and he's only five foot tall and everyone's like, oh, what's the problem? And then, you know, five minutes later, there's 36 foot four guys knocked out him, the last man standing. Yeah. Yep. Very yappy. Yeah.

But gets the job done. Yeah. Am I going to get paid for this or what? All right, Callum. Callum, kill him. Callum kill him. I'd like to think, finally from South Australia in more. and Lakes.

What to think? Amanda Mullins. Amanda Mullins. The thinker. Oh, I love it. She's mulling it over. Brilliant. No, see what you've done there.

Amanda, the thinker. Send in the thinker. Is that a fun? No. Or maybe. I don't know anymore. I don't know. I feel like it could be.

I wouldn't be surprised one or the other, to be honest. Amanda goes in. He's wondering, am I going to get paid for this or what? They've all been hired by a very crooked person who has not paid anyone. I'm sorry to everyone on the list today, but none of you have been paid yet. We will speak to our accountant. Regrettably. Thank you.

One and all, like I say, without these people, this show doesn't exist. So thank you one more time to Amanda, Callum, Eli, Sarah, Cathall, Burroughs, Will. Gavin and Logan. The other thing we like to do, just to finish up the show, is welcome in a few people into the Trip Ditch Club. The way that you can get involved here is being on the shoutout level or above for three straight years and then you get welcomed into the Trip Ditch Club and inside the club. It's a beautiful place.

It's basically your happy place and our happy place. It's everyone's happy place. It's a big old club. I'm standing at the door with the velvet rope and the door list. Dave is inside. He's booked the band, but he also hipes you up as you come in. So if you are, for instance, feeling a little down, even though you're way into this exclusive club, Dave will pick you back up.

And then Jess, who's also looked after the hors d'oeuvres and the cocktails, she also then hipes up Dave. So Jess, firstly, what have we got on the menu tonight? This week we have Apparel Fritz. Is that a pun? Yes, it is. Yes, it is. And German sausages.

Ah. Fritz and Ferders or something. They don't go that well together, but it also just kind of works somehow, you know? But that's what you got. So good. And Dave, who have you booked for the band? We have book tonight hitting centre stage. We've got no doubt.

Oh. Wednesday in the boys are back together. Having just spoken at length about cold play, why would I have thought you would have gone down that direction? Yeah, I thought he would too, but he loves to zig when we think he's going to say. That's right. I will tell you that Shane Warren will be accompanying them on harmonica as requested.

Fantastic. He knows all the songs. Don't speak. All right, so there's only a couple of inductees this week, Dave. Thank God. So the first one got in contact with me because I'd let her slip through the gap. She actually should have been inducted about two months ago. So sorry to you, but give her a very well and welcome.

Hopefully Dave makes it up to you with a beautiful pump-up here from McKinney in Texas. the United States. It's Elizabeth Lefebvre. Oh, Lefebvre. Well, let me just say get McKinney. And that's what I mean, any in the club. Just get in the club because we've missed you so much. Thank you so much. Jess, hype me up. Hide me up. Come on. I didn't even need to, Dave. You'd already nailed it. But woo. Thank you so much. I did not believe that from Jess. Liz, great to have you in all honesty. I'm just glad you could see Shane Warren live in the club. Liz also got a mention at the start of this week's, or last week's Josh Earl podcast,

because she came across another Josh Earl. And so that was pretty fun. Wild episode of, have you heard that one yet, Dave? No, who was on that one? Greg Larson, Peter Hellier, your boss. Very good. Was it a very, you know, some wild stories being told? Yes, it was very, it was in front of a live audience, very funny stuff.

All right. And, you know, made all the sweeter with the Liz reference right up the top. But the other inductee this week comes from Badoori in Queensland. It's Patrick Tully. Nothing is going to telly this night because you are here. Yeah. Tully rhymes with Sully. Sully isn't a good thing.

That's a type of pun. That's a bit of a pun. Thank you. Patrick, honestly, anything happens in it. this club, that means that I can shake your hand like we used to in the old days. I can even give you a hug and say, come on down. I love it, Dave. That's why they call him the pun master, because he comes up with such, if that is a pun,

and I'm not 100% sure that it was, but great work. So thank you so much to Liz and Patrick for your three plus years of support means so much. You goddamn legends. Appreciate that a lot. I really do. That brings us the end of this episode. Well, we've had some laughs. We've had some times.

sadly we have to go for another week. But you can get in contact with us at any time by hitting up do go onpod.com and following links to our merchandise, our Patreon. We can suggest a topic. You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter at do go on pod.

And we have an email. It's do go on pod at gmail.com. But until next week, I'll say thank you so much for listening. And until then, goodbye. Later's. Bye. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

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