Do Go On - 279 - World War One (part one)

Episode Date: February 24, 2021

The Assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand (episode 276) kicked off one of the deadliest wars of all time, this episode is about World War One (aka the Great War aka the War To End All Wars).Buy tickets to our four live Melbourne podcasts on March 28, April 4,11 and 18: https://www.trybooking.com/BOMAA Buy tickets to Matt’s stand up MICF show ‘Nostalgia Was Better When I Was A Boy’ : https://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2021/shows/nostalgia-was-better-when-i-was-a-boy Matt’s New Interview Show: ‘Matt Your Heroes’: https://youtu.be/VVsVGkzVNZQ Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Buy tickets to our streamed shows (there are 12 available to watch now! All with exclusive extra sections): https://sospresents.com/authors/dogoon Check out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​ Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.history.com/topics/world-war-i/world-war-i-history

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. Hey everyone, before we start this week's episode, we have to tell you that we are doing four live podcasts in Melbourne.

We are back in front of live audiences for the first time in a long time, and we'd love you to come along. I'm talking March 28, April 4, April 11 and April 18, four Sunday nights at 8.30pm at the European Beer Cafe. Going to be a great time. You know what? Before that show, or in the many nights before that, why don't you see Matt's stand-up show at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival?

What a great idea. Do I need to say any details? Yeah, I'd love you to say the title and things. It is called Nostalgia was Better When I Was a Boy or something like that. And it's on at the Victoria Hotel at 7.50-ish o'clock. And it's on every day but Mondays and on Sundays it's on an hour earlier. And you can come to my show on that Sunday and then walk with me over to the podcast. Let's do it together.

We'd be doing a live walking tour? Sure. Well, I mean, I will be walking between the places live. Wow, what a guy. And hang on, people don't have to pay extra for that. No. Wow. I won't be taking any toll walks. Wow.

Tall roads, I'm going to say. Well, you can get tickets to all three shows, including the walking tour, via the show notes. Check out those links. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go One. My name is Dave Warnocky and as always I'm here with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart.

Hello. Hi, I'm Matt. Fantastic. Before we hear more of that witty banter, let's explain to the show for new listeners. Basically, we take it in terms of report on a topic often suggested by the people that listen to the show. One of us goes away, does the research, brings it back and the other two have no idea what they're going to talk about. And it is Matt's turn to do that. And to get us on the topic, we always start with a question.

Matt, what's your question? My question is, as follows. What's your question? What was the overarching topic for the last three weeks? Oh, history. Yes. It was slightly narrower. World history.

The 20th century. Yeah, even more now. 20th century events. Did you not notice that there was a running theme? in the 20th century? Yes. Conflict in the 20th century. In Europe.

We just tighten that up. Specific conflict. It was about like a war? Yes. That involved most of the world. You know someone's keeping school with this? There's a free point up for the question. World War I!

Correct. Fuck you, Dave. Fuck you, Dave. World War I is correct. I was on the tip of my tongue. If you'd let me get it out, I could have got there. Now, Matt reminded me of the points. And I had my annual

competitiveness. Yeah, that's right. It happens once a year and that was it. So Matt, are you telling us that this week's episode is World War I? Yes. I was trying to nudge you towards this a few weeks ago. And I told you that I'm not a madman.

Yeah, you said that would be ridiculous. Well, I did take that on board, but I thought, hey, don't make someone do what you won't do yourself. Right. I thought it was a nice way to finish off our month of World War I reports by doing a report on World War I. Oh, okay, fantastic. So let's just maybe recap where we are because you kicked it off a few weeks ago, Matt, with the why World War I started with the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdin? I'll give a very brief recap on that.

And then the week after that, Dave, you talked us through the Red Baron, the most successful pilot of the war. The Ace of Aces. What a name. Very cool. I'm going to get that tattooed because it's so cool. Okay. I don't know if you could pull that off. How many people have you killed in the air? Yeah.

Because otherwise I don't think you can do that. Really? You're not allowed to have that unless you have killed in the air. Well, give me... I know you've killed on the ground. You've killed at sea. You've killed under sea. We know.

Under Dussie. Yeah, for sure. You've got to kill in the air at least five times. Yeah. Okay, well, I've four away. And then just last week, reported on probably the craziest man

we've come across in a long time. Such a strange lie. Fritz Duquesne. A, uh, uh, well, he was a soldier turned English spy,

turned Germans by, turned US spy, not really German again. And then a fake soldier. And then also he imported hippos or something. Yes, yes. He got,

he got through all the industries. He really packed a lot into a life. Ah, yeah. So if you haven't heard any, of those, go back, enjoy yourselves. And especially probably the one of those three that would make more, the most sense before getting into this one would be the assassination of Archduke, Ferdin Ferdin.

Yeah, always shouting out to his own topics is Matt. Don't bother listening to the Jess and Dave reports. They were shit. I mean, they were more side dishes. I was like, oh, if you want a little side salad or a bowl of chips on the side of the main meal, which is my reports. Yes. Yeah, well.

A steak of, you know, a filamoni. If you will. Yes. A fil-a mignon. What have I told you that sometimes I just go straight for dessert or I'll order three sets of croquettes. Okay. Well, I mean, that makes sense to me.

I actually love to just order a bunch of sides. Yeah, exactly. So fuck you with your main meal. Yeah, fuck you with your main meal. I have a bit of this, a bit of that. Yeah. Shazesies. Nutros for the table.

Yum, yum. I love a cob loaf. Mmm. Cobloaf. Herbin butter. Cobloat. Is that an option? And I love a cob corn.

Oh, here. for the table. Yes. One cup of corn for the table, please, sir. And I love a cob. Close of business. A knockoff meal. I call it dinner.

I call it a cob meal. So the Franz Ferdinand episode that was a few weeks back, episode 276, feel free to go back to that. If you don't want it, I'll give you a brief recap now. So tensions were brewing in Europe for many years before World War I broke out. Hey, by the way, I've got a thought This report is the longest I've ever done I'm thinking about splitting it up for over two weeks

Oh, never split the party Actually that does not apply this is a report So yeah, no, that's fine You're telling me this is World War I part one Yeah, that's right Next week is World War I part two No, World War I part two Right, will you also cover World War II next week?

No Okay Will you ever do it now that you've done World War I? I, because I didn't understand I didn't know enough about World War I. So I really enjoyed learning as shallow as my research in this report is compared to the hectic thing it was. It was quite a big event for the time. So you were saying that the people in the trenches were working harder than you did on this report.

Are you saying? No, not necessarily. Hey, Dave, no spoilers, thanks. Not necessary. What are trenches? What's good about? But, yeah, I mean, because it was quite a big thing that went for a few years. I haven't looked in how many years as yet.

I'll get into that on next week. Right. Yeah, okay. I mean, by the time we finish this, we won't know if the war will ever finish. Yeah, that's right. Is it still going? Is that why you can't finish it?

In some ways, yeah. Hey, it's still echoing through the ages. CBC. So, let me begin. So, this is a brief recap. Tensions were brewing in Europe for many years before World War I broke out. The peace that existed in Europe

via a system of alliances between the different European powers crumbled when the Archduke, Franz Ferdinand, and his wife were assassinated in Sarajevo on June the 28th, 1914. According to History.com, a website that I love, but also a website that is frankly obsessed with the past. Are you telling me that history.com has stopped making predictions? Yeah, it really, anyway, I don't want, I'm not having a go. Yeah.

It just feels. But it's a bit like, you know, live in the moment. History.com slash horoscopes. Yeah. Hey, history.com, try and live in the moment a little bit. Live in the now. Look ahead. Anyway, this is from history.com, a website that I love.

The assassination of Franz Ferdinand set off a rapidly escalating chain of events. Austria-Hungary, like many countries around the world, blamed the Serbian government for the attack and hoped to use the incident as justification for settling the question of Serbian nationalism once and for all. There was a Serbian nationalism with brewing. They wanted their own country. They wanted their own, they wanted to grow the country in a sort of a Serbian nation. I mean, Serbia was that, but they wanted to take in some of their bordering countries as well, like Bosnia and Herzegovina.

Wow. That's sad. Thank you so much. There were five main European powers at this point. Austria-Hungary was one, along with their ally Germany. Then there was Russia, France. France and Britain who made up the other side

the triple entente. It's a great word. Yeah, that took me back to like year eight history class. Well, I'm really actually aiming for more of a year nine level here. I'm just saying. Really? I was pretty advanced. That's why I'm so good at geography.

Yeah, you excel. History. Year 8 to year nine. A lot of top. Yeah. And then it was a lot of downhill from there. Yeah, but honestly, year nine. She peaked.

Some of these alliances were made more sense than others. Some were a bit ideological. You'd say that Austria, Hungary and Germany were kind of pretty tightly related. But I mean, in my research anyway, someone out there is going, what the fuck are you talking about? Couldn't be any more different. But on the other hand, Britain, for instance, that would be a bit more pragmatic. This is according to the UK's National Archives, British policy in Europe intended that no country in Europe should become completely dominant. If Russia, France, Germany and Austria, Hungary

worried about each other, then they would be less of a threat to Britain. By about 1907, it was becoming clear to Britain that the greatest potential threat to Britain was going to be Germany. The strong economy, large population and powerful armed forces of Germany seemed to be capable of dominating Europe. As a result, Britain began to support Russia and France, and Britain joined the triple Entente. Wow. So they're sort of playing them up against each other a bit. Yeah, that was sort of sitting back,

which they have a bit more of an ability to do because they're an island off the side. But in the end, they're like, Germany really is growing. And their leader, Wilhelm, the second, did seem to be really wanted to make a mark on the continent. So, yeah, they really sided with France because of a fear of Germany rather than any strong bond to France. But they were like,

Guys, we love you. Oh, Frasie cheese. We love it. Quasso. Yum. Yum. Wow. And Russia, my God, we love everything about you.

Yes. I mean... Look at your hat. Wow. Isn't that nice? Literature. Whoa. I mean, with Russia, the king and the Tsar were first cousins.

Cause! What's up? Haven't seen you since Grandma's birthday. But France, Britain and France, been a long time arch rivals, fought many wars against each other. Hey, that's in the past now. That's right. We should be doing English accents.

No. Keep it broad. It's less racist somehow. Yeah. And the king of England, George V, was also first cousins to Germany's, Wilhelm the second. Cars!

Stop it. Cuss, don't! And that was a real interesting relationship between these two countries. It was like Europe was a big, you know, extended family. In a lot of ways, because of Queen Victoria

and her, apparently she did a lot of matchmaking around Europe, like getting her offspring to be sitting on thrones all around Europe, which I talked about a little bit in the Franz Ferdinand episode. But yeah, that meant that the king of Russia, king of Germany and the king of England,

even though they're called Tsars and Emperor. Kaiser. Kaiser. Thank you. But Kaiser. So much better than King. Such a good word. I love it.

And yeah, even at this point, the British Royal family still had the German surname of Von Fashioned Kober Gotha. Oof, that's good. They only change it to the the more British-sounding Windsor due to anti-German feelings a few years into the world war in 1917.

So they, you know, it was, they were basically, you know, buds, sort of. A family, literally. But there was a rivalry. And the Kaiser, the Kaiser was sort of kicking off. He did this interview in England

on a trip there and, um, said some pretty wild things, uh, you know, kind of antagonistic. Not the best diplomat. And apparently that Germany's,

maybe we'll not let you talk in that way anymore. He's like on Graham Norton's couch. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Shut him off. And Graham Norton's just like, oh, why didn't we put him in that chair that we could tip over? Tell us an interesting story.

So they say hello and he looks at the he's guessing and goes, oh, here we go. Oh, no, shall we hear him out? I think he would have loved it because he knows he's making the news tomorrow. Yeah, people are loving it. Yeah, it was, it just was like he was speaking. speaking super freely. Ask Tom Cruise to stop telling another story about a stunt

that went wrong and be like, sorry, just stop you there, Tom. He should have been stunt, man, not an actor. And Kaiser, can we hear more about your crazy outburst? And then that same year, members of the British Royal family had to give up their German titles in 1917 and any of their relatives

who were fighting for Germany were stripped of their British ones. So they were super tight until about halfway through the World War when they're like, this war is making English people not quite like the Germans anymore. This war is a little bit more serious than we first expected.

It reminds me a bit of when we were little and my cousin, Chavon, if I was doing something she, if I wasn't doing what she wanted me to do, she would say, I won't be your cousin anymore. And being 18 months older than her, I was much smarter. And I was like, that's not how it works. You know, it was like classic threat of I won't be your friend anymore, as if it was ever going to, but she went as far to say, I won't be your cousin anymore. I was like, I don't think that's how it works.

And then she pulled out the paperwork and said, I just have to sign here. Yeah. I've already got the stamp on the envelope. Yeah, so sorry, I should have said my former cousin when I started that story. I'm standing here with the Supreme Court judge. He's ready to ratify. She was four years old. I know.

Really impressive. Very impressive. Don't know where she is now. Have not spoken to her in 20 years. Surely she's on the Supreme Court. I would assume so, yes. But once again, have not spoken to her. Not allowed to.

Legally. Wow. Yeah, you can't talk to people, aren't your cousins. Is that true? Yes. Anyway, good to be cousins with you too. So Austria-Hungary, they knew that when they took on Serbia, Russia would have Serbia's back.

And as Russia's army at the time significantly outsized Austria-Hungary's, Austria-Hungary sought the assurance from the Kaiser, Wilhelm I'm the second, that Germany would support them if required. Like, you know, they were already close, but they wanted the... guarantee. A bit of money on the table. If they went over to Serbia, Russia kicks in. They're like, we need you to kick in for us, please, Germany.

Will you do that, Kaiser? And, yeah, Austria-Hungary was also concerned that Russia's ally, France, and possibly Britain would also get involved. So they really needed Germany's help to even entertain the idea of invading Serbia or trying to start trouble with Syria. How do you have those conversations? Is it a phone call? Is it a meeting? Do you like wine and dine them?

And they'd be like, hey, by the way, could you back us in a war, please? Is it an email? How do you do it? It'd be so much easier now with a Zoom call. Text? Text. Yeah. Hey, Jacinda.

How are you doing? B-T-W going to war with US. You win? Oh, no. You picked the wrong. Do they have an army anymore? Very small. Oh, no.

I'd have sent it to Joe Biden. Oh, crap. I've lost the album a surprise. Oh no. Loll, jokes, Joe. Lull, J.K. Mocking around.

Got you. Pranked. New phone, who dis? Before Joe. Oh, thank God. It's 4 a.m. I'm sure he's asleep. And he's replying with...

Unsend, unsent. He replies with, oh, guys, I wish you'd told me sooner. I'm sitting on the nuke button. Yeah. Anyway, nice knowing you. On the 5th of July, a week after the assassination of France, yeah, Kaiser Wilhelm I second, secretly gave Austria-Hungary his pledge that in case of war, Germany would get involved, which has been referred to as giving Austria-Hungary carte blanche

or a blank check assurance. This is according to cFR.org. With the Kaiser's so-called blank check in hand, Austrian officials began drafting an ultimate to Serbia. The rationale for the ultimatum was simple. Attacking Serbia without warning would make Serbia look like a victim. In contrast, an ultimatum would put the burden of avoiding war on Belgrade, the Serbian capital. The cover letter to the ultimatum gave Belgrade precisely 48 hours to reply. Not a lot of time. Just to show we're serious, you have 24 hours. Get your fastest pigeon on the job. 48 hours. It's from pigeon, yeah? From when they've centred as well. It gets lost in the park.

Oh my God, that's in 15 minutes. Trying to like send a smoke signal or something. The ultimatum listed 10 demands. The most significant were that Serbia accept, quote, representatives of the Austro-Hungarian government for the suppression of subversive movements, which is 0.5. And also that Serbia bring to trial all accessories to the Archduke's assassination and allow Austro-Hungarian delegates or law enforcement officers

to take part in the investigation. That was 0.6. So these ones, reading them now, I'm like, yeah, I guess they're pretty full on, but the way other foreign officials reacted to it were like. Well, this is how they reacted. Russian foreign minister, Sergey Sazanov, declared that no state could accept such demands without committing suicide. British Foreign Secretary Sir Edward Gray declared that he had, quote, never before seen one state addressed to another independent state, a document of so formidable a character. Oh, wow.

And Winston Churchill, then Britain's first lord of the admiralty, called it, quote, the most insolent document of its kind ever devised. Whoa. And like, it is pretty full on there going, hey, we're interfering with your state's business. We want to be involved in your state's own investigation. So it is pretty full on.

But I don't know. For some reason, I'm like, I was expecting, because I had to, I tracked it down after reading all these reactions. I'm like, what does it say? Dear asshole. Yeah. You must fuck a pig. Yeah, that's right.

And we wanted on film. Yeah, I was like, I, yeah, anyway, same time after what, where my head went. He must fuck a pig. And then you must fuck a cow. Ten different animals. To fuck. Do it by closer business. And each animal's larger than the last.

That's right. Finally, fuck a blue. They get to 0.9 and they're like, oh, African elephant can't get bigger than that. He can't get bigger than this. Oh no, he's going to sea mammals. Oh, no. The Great Barrier Reef. CFR.org contradicts these comments that we're talking about it as the most full-on document of its kind,

saying Austria's ultimatum was far more diplomatic than the one President Theodore Roosevelt gave Morocco 10 years before France Ferdinand's assassination, after the brigand Ahmed Ibn Mohammed Razuli kidnapped Ion or Eon, Perdycarus, a Greek American citizen. Roosevelt's demand was blunt, quote, Perikaris alive or Razuli dead? Wow, that is awesome. Yeah, but that happened 10 years before.

So, you know, you talk about the most insolent of its kind ever devised. He's alive or you're dead, mate? Yeah. Not. We're going to have to sit in on this investigation, okay? Yeah. Because that doesn't sound like a president. It's just like a threat from Mark Chopper Reed or something.

Yeah. Yeah, it's got like their ear cut onto it. Roosevelt fucked it up and cut off his own ear. Well, let's see. You gave it the Chopper Reed star. The article continues. This is still from the CFR.org article saying, whether the ultimatum was insulin or not,

Vienna got the answer it wanted. Serbia refused to meet all. all 10 demands, and on July 28th, Austria declared war on Serbia. I'm not saying they should have accepted the demands either. I'm just saying they weren't as full on as I. Yeah, yeah, you're just imagining it. Because I'd read about those in the Austria when I was reading about Franz Fernand and stuff weeks ago.

So in my head, they just grew and grew and grew into being pretty full on. So from here, Austria-Hungary believed they would claim a quick victory over Serbia. And is Serbia at this age? They don't know that Germany is backed. No. Austria-Hungary. They probably, they'd have an inkling. I think that, you know, it would be fair for them to assume that might be the case.

But it's not official. It was a secret deal, apparently. So Austria-Hungary, very naively thought it was going to be a quick victory over Serbia. They basically thought they'd go in and crush Serbia before the other powers were able to mobilize their forces and get involved. Of course, they were dead wrong. On August 1st, Germany declared war on Russia. That was them jumping in for Austria-Hungary. Then on August 3rd, Germany declared war on France.

How do you declare war on someone? You write a letter. Dear France. We are very mad at you. A war. You have been very naughty. We're coming at you. Let's war.

Four o'clock, Friday. Tick yes. What are you doing for the next four years? Clear schedule. Do you have any meal requirements? Yeah, any dietary requirements? Any planned leave in the next few years? If you're looking for accommodation, here are some suggestions,

and here is our gift registry. Germany had been preparing for a European war for years. As a newly formed nation, flanked by traditional powers and rivals, France and Russia, Germany felt isolated and also like that, a point to prove. According to the UK's National Archives, when Kaiser Wilhelm I, the second, took control of Germany, he was anxious for Germany to be a great power. He felt that Russia to the east and France to the west were encircling Germany.

As a result, he built up his armed forces. So he's building up his armed forces, and the countries around him noticed that. When France and Russia feared Germany, and they did the same, they built up their armed forces. Well, I've seen a map for the first time, being like, oh my God, they're closing on us! Sir, they've been like that for a long time.

They've been there a long, long time. No, look at them. There's one there, there's one there. That's crazy. During the 1900s, all of the great powers in Europe began to build up their armies and navies. I've written here they all had FOMO, fear of military occupation, but I won't.

Do feel some... Enjoy that. Not sure if I'll leave that in, but we're recording this before we got it's going out. Oh, Jess is looking at me with disgust. Preparing for a potential war with their neighbors to the eastern west, Germany drew up a plan in 1905. So this is nearly a decade before the war broke out. And this is known, or was known, and remains known, as the Schlefen plan for its architect, Alfred von Schleafen.

Okay. That's a great name. It's a great name. Is he a good person, bad person? I guess it all. I think he was just a German army guy who had a plan. I don't, you know, I don't think he was, I don't know much about him, but I don't think he's inherently good at it.

I just don't want to be like, wow, that's a good name and it turns out, you know, like, if you never heard of Hitler and you're like, Hitler, I like that, that's a good name, you know? Yeah. Then you'd be like, oh boy, once you find out, you're like, oh no, I've said something very silly indeed. According to Britannica, Schleifen was an ardent student of military history and his strategic plan was inspired by the Battle of Caney in 216 BCE. So we went a ways back. It was a pivotal engagement during the second Punic War at Caney. The Carthaginian General Hannibal

defeated a much larger Roman force with a successful double envelopment, turning the Roman army's flanks and destroying it. Schleifen was convinced that a modern enemy force could be defeated in the same way, and the execution of a massive flank attack became the main focus of his plan. He proposed in 1905 that Germany's advantage over France and Russia, its likely opponents in a continental war, so he's calling this 10 years before it happened, was that the two were separated. Germany, therefore, could eliminate one while the other was kept in check. Once one ally was defeated, Germany would be able to combine its forces to defeat the other through massive troop concentration and rapid deployment.

Just don't understand that. Being like, hey, how about we fight two wars at the same side, at the same time? One over this side, one over this side. It's a major advantage to us. Yeah, I mean, they did it again in World War II. Well, I mean, the Britannica article also mentioned this. The plan was heavily modified by Schleif and successor Helmuth von Malki

prior to and during its implementation in World War I. So Schleafen wasn't around to put it into practice, and it got watered down a bit. The basic idea was still intact, but who knows, maybe if the initial Schlefen plan was used, maybe it would have worked. But yeah, it is a wild idea.

But it sort of makes sense. It's one of those, so crazy you could just work. The plan was for Germany to quickly defeat France. then turning the full might of their army towards Russia. France being to Germany's west, that made the war between those two nations, the Western Front,

the fight with Russia, the Eastern Front. Probably embarrassing to mention. I never really got what exactly the Western and Eastern Fronts were, but reading that, I was like, oh, that makes a lot of sense. Yep. So that's why some people, I assume people who know a lot about this stuff

won't be listening to this, so I figure it's why. worth, if I didn't know. Yeah, I didn't know. So I figure worth saying. Germany chose its route to France's capital, Paris or Paris. Thank you. Thank you.

Paris. Hey. Hey. What am I doing with these 250,000 troops behind me? Nothing. Don't worry about it. Bit of tourism. You look good.

Soldiers love the awful town. They love it. So they chose the route to Paris. Belgium. Belgium was a neutral country. Okay. Not involved in the war at this point. According to History.com... At this point. Well, I mean, they had said we are neutral. We don't want any trouble. They hadn't picked aside. According to History.com, on August 4th, 1914, German troops crossed the border into Belgium in the first battle of World War I. The Germans assaulted the heavily

fortified city of Leege using the most powerful weapons in their arsehams. arsenal, enormous siege cannons. And they captured the city by August 15th. So a week and a bit later. The Germans left death and destruction in their wake as they advanced through Belgium towards France. Shooting civilians and executing a Belgian priest, they had accused of inciting civilian resistance.

But Belgium had said, no thank you. Yeah, we don't want any trouble. For me, either so. We're not getting involved. Invading neutral Belgium is, as a tactical error by Germany as it brought Britain into the war. According to the UK's National Archives again, despite being part of the triple-ontent, Britain was not committed to going to war in 1914.

The Foreign Secretary Sir Edward Gray spent much of the summer of 1914 furiously trying to reassure Russia and Germany and prevent a war happening. Even when German troops invaded France and Belgium as part of the Schlefen plan, Britain did not have to go to war. It sounds like Britain was really just like Hey, things are pretty good We've got a pretty good thing going on here Don't we're, there's a bunch of powers

And we're sort of We can muck this all up if we start putting all our cash And citizens into it Although they won't think of citizens at this point Our armies into the wall Hey, we sent flowers, did you get those flowers? Yeah We said chocolate

Did you get the chocolates? Do you like chocolate? Kaiser? What do you like? Hello? I'll send it to you. No, or is Britain sending chocolates to the Kaiser saying love from France.

Hey, I think France sent you a gift. Isn't that right? Yeah, France bought you this drink. Hey, that big stud over by the bar? Can you send him a big drink? A big drink. Nice big drink. Give him a big drink.

What a big stud drink. Big drinks. Honestly, it's too big to hold. Well, especially when he famously had a small hand. Yeah, so get him a big straw, too, please. The article goes on. Germany hoped Britain would stay out of the war altogether. So they kind of rolled the dice a little bit going through Belgium.

They were like, Britain, you don't need to get involved in this. This is no big thing. However, the Germans knew that Britain had promised to defend Belgium under the Treaty of London of 1839. The Germans wanted the British government to ignore the Treaty of London and let the German army pass through Belgium. That was ages ago, guys. Apparently the Kaiser was like,

well, you're going to start trouble over a little piece of paper? I mean, isn't that what all of these deals are? Yeah. Yep. It was funny that one to him is a little piece of paper. The British government made much of their duty to protect Belgium, though. And Belgium's ports were close to the British, and I'm reading this going,

oh, good on you, Britain. And then you realize, oh, it was a tactical situation. things still as well. Belgium's ports were close to the British coast and German control of Belgium would have been seen as a serious threat to Britain. And in the end, Britain refused to ignore the events of the 4th of August 1914 when Germany attacked France through Belgium. And within hours, Britain declared war on Germany. So there's less than a week after Austria-Hungary declared war on Serbia. And now Russia, Belgium, France, Great Britain and Serbia were at war with Austria-Hungary and Germany. World War I had begun.

On August the 15th, 1914, Japan, so at this point really, and I mean, the whole war in a lot of ways is just a European war. Oh, I mean, come on. How much of the world is it? The way it kicked off. The way it kicked off anyway and it was really... What is this? The World Series? Yeah, come on. It's a European fight in a lot of ways, but, you know, countries from everywhere were drawn into

it. especially with, I'll talk about it later, but the British Empire, as soon as they entered countries from around the world were brought in under the... It really gets sucked down. The British Empire. It might have been next week I'll talk about that. A bit of sizzle. But anyway, so there's already a bunch of countries in, just a week after it had begun. It's on.

On August 15th, 1914, Japan then sent an ultimatum to Germany, demanding the removal of all German ships from Japanese and Chinese waters. The ultimatum also demanded the surrender of control of the Sing Tao. Ronnie Cheng did an ad about a beer with this name, and the whole campaign was him teaching you how to say it properly, and it's not what I just said. Anyway. Is it Qingdao? Ching Dao maybe, yeah.

I'm also basing it on the ad and a memory of it, so I apologize I'm saying it wrong. So they wanted control of Chingdao, where Germany had its largest overseas. naval bases on China's Shangtung Peninsula. According to History.com, when Germany did not respond, Japan declared war on them on August 23rd. Its Navy immediately began preparing an assault against Qingdao, with Britain contributing two battalions to Japan's force of 60,000. The Japanese approached the naval base across China, breaching that country's neutrality. On November the 7th,

the German garrison at Qingdao surrendered, and Japanese troops were home by the end of the year. So they got that done pretty quick. That's a way to do it. Japan was involved in the war for the duration though. But yeah, they were, it was an interesting time for Japan, it sounds like. Yeah, growing in their sort of worldview and after this war, you know, they're on the other side coming into the Second World War.

So things were changing there. But I won't go into that at all in the rest of this report. Back to the Western Front. Great. Well, you're just bringing that in just to make it a bit more worldly. You're like, great. We've got a bit of Asia happening. It's world. It's fantastic.

Back to Europe. A little bit. I mean, yeah, it's hard to do this thing. Really? There's a lot going on. Who would have thought? I know. Crazy.

No, you're doing a great job. I'm really invested. Back to the Western Front. Having conquered Belgium, Germany continued on towards Paris with hopes of a quick victory over France. This is part of the Schlief and Pletheff in place. This is part of the Schleifen plan. Quick victory over France, then send the full might of their army as much as they can, although some of them had to go fight Japan, which helped the Entente.

But anyhow, History.com, this is from this article I love, that this is the article that made me think that doing this report was possible. That's just the History.com article about the whole war. And it misses a lot of stuff I had to get from elsewhere. But this is from that and it really breaks down some of the key stuff on the Western Front. Quote, in the First Battle of the Marn fought from September 6th to 9th, 1914, French and British forces confronted the invading Germany Army, which had by then penetrated deep into northeastern France within 30 miles of Paris.

And really, they were a great shot of taking encircling Paris, which was the initial plan. The Allied troops checked the German advance and mounted a successful count. counter attack, driving the Germans back to north of the Enna River. I had to look up how to pronounce that, because it's written, Asnny. Anyway, but I think, I think I read elsewhere that, that was almost a technical blunder. They could have gone for Paris there, but they sort of got drawn. They looked like they were taking, the retreating French and British. They sort of followed them when maybe they shouldn't have.

but, you know, mistakes are going to be made. Geez, the pressure on people making decisions in an army would be hectic. Yeah. One little false move and so many people's lives at risk. Article goes on. The defeat meant that the, sorry, the defeat meant the end of German plans for a quick victory in France, and both sides dug into trenches. This is where trench warfare began.

And the Western Front was a setting for a hellish war of attrition, that would last more than three years. Particularly long and costly battles in this campaign were fought at Verdun from February to December 1916 and the Battle of the Somme from July to November 1916, which is that's a very famous one. Yeah. You're really bad for the British, right?

Yeah. Yeah, well, a lot of people died on. Yes, yeah, yeah. German and French troops suffered close to a million casualties in the Battle of Verdun alone. What the fuck? That's too many. I'd do less in an ideal world.

But Jess, aren't you happy that it's been rounded up to a million? Yeah, happy about the number one million. Not happy about that being in relation to people dying, to be honest. If it was like $1 million for Jess's bank account. Okay. Very, think very positively about that. So just like you'd prefer a million dollars for more than $991,000. Yeah, I wouldn't take that.

but would you prefer a million dollars or a million and $1,000? This is a question. Look, I'd take it. I reckon I would bravely take $1 million and $1,000. That's progress. Yeah, that is growth. Thank you. Right before our eyes.

Yeah. So obviously, I think... I'm in my 30s now. I think a lot of the famous World War I stuff is on this Western front in the trenches. I'm not really going to that too much. That's just a very brief. overview. And then the same article flips over to the Eastern Front and gives it equally brief treatment. Russian forces invaded the German-held regions of East Prussia and Poland, but was

stopped short by German and Austrian forces at the Battle of Tannenberg in late 1914, late August 1914. Despite that victory, Russia's assault had forced Germany to move two cores from the Western Front to the eastern, contributing to the German loss at the Battle of the Marne, which we talked about before, which is a big, important battle. Combined with the fierce, combined with the fierce allied resistance in France, the ability of Russia's huge war machine to mobilize relatively quickly in the East, ensured a longer, more grueling conflict instead of the quick victory Germany had hoped to win under the Schleafen plan. So now they're both fighting on both sides going, fuck! Yeah. This is not what we wanted.

And yeah, full on just slog, just brutal. I mean, so many lives being lost on both sides, having to keep replenish the numbers. Yeah. Nightmarish. Nuts. One of the traditional European powers that I didn't mention because they'd sort of slipped from the top of the pops prior to this

was the Ottoman Empire. But they were still kicking. They entered the war in October of 1914. on the side of Germany and Austria, Hungary. And on November the 5th, France and Britain both declared war on them. By this stage, they weren't a major power, but they did have a history of power. And again, this is a thing that I found in. I heard the Ottoman Empire a lot, but I didn't really know much about it.

So I'll just take this from a different History.com article, just gives a little bit of an idea about them. The Ottoman Empire was one of the mightiest and longest lasting dynasties in world history. This Islamic-run superpower ruled large areas of the Middle East, Eastern Europe and North Africa for more than 600 years. The chief leader, known as the Sultan, was given absolute religious and political authority over his people. While Western Europeans generally viewed them as a threat, many historians regard the Ottoman Empire as a source of great regional stability and security, as well as important achievements in the arts, science, religion and culture. Wow.

At its height, the Ottoman Empire included the following regions. Turkey, Greece, Bulgaria, Egypt, Hungary, Macedonia, Romania, Jordan, Palestine, Lebanon, Syria, among others. Wow. It was a big, powerful empire. But what brought into the war? Well, this comes from Britannica. The Ottoman Empire entry into World War I resulted from an overly hasty calculation of likely advantage. the Ottomans made a substantial contribution to the Central Powers War effort

their forces fought in Eastern Asia Minor Azerbaijan, Mesopotamia, Syria and Palestine and the Dardanelles as well as on European fronts and they held down large numbers of Entente troops but yeah I think they got involved because they thought they were going to win some quick victories and maybe still thinking, hey, we can rise again as a great power. But this was really the death throws for them.

With the deadlock in trench warfare on the Western Front in January 1915, Germany started utilizing their zeppelins against the British. And I think it was Dave's report, episode 120, about the Hindenburg disaster. That's right. Just you remember anything about that? Yeah, I remember zeplans. Yeah. Yeah, and I think, Dave, you actually went into a bit of the history of Zeppelin's.

Yeah. They're basically big air blimps. Yeah. Lighter than air. May, we're filled with hydrogen? Yes. At first. Because it certainly, which is, plumbable.

Yeah. Because this is earlier, this was at first. Yeah. So they were invented by German Count Ferdinand von Zeppelin in the late 1800s. Incredible. And they were, you know, they were really still brand new technology at this point. by the time of the Hindermerg disaster, that was 30-odd years later, between the two wars, wasn't it?

I think it was just before World War II. Yeah, in America. According to a BBC article by historian and aerial specialist, Ben Robinson, before the 20th century, civilians in Britain were largely unaffected by war, but this was to change on the 19th of January, 1915, with the first air attacks of World War I by the German Zeppelin. When the war started in 1914, the German, Armed Forces had several Zeppelins, each capable of travelling at about 85 miles per hour

and carrying up to two tonnes of bombs. The first raid took place on the eastern coastal towns of Great Yarmouth and Kingslyn on the 19th of January 1915. Residents reported hearing an eerie throbbing sound above them, followed shortly afterwards by the sound of explosions in the streets. Isn't that gives you a sort of chills? Kate Argyll from English Heritage said, quote, There was no military advantage.

It was all about instilling terror, and really that's what these aerial bombardments did. The Zeppelons would come out of the dark. You couldn't see them, and it was totally random. You didn't know if you were running towards danger or away from it. So you'd hear it and you'd be like, shit, run, but where? Where? Yeah, he could be running straight for it.

The aim of the Zeppelins was clear. The Germans hoped to break morale. home and forced British government into abandoning the war in the trenches. But that was not the sort of chaos and panic that the Germans had wanted. Sorry, but there was not the sort of chaos and panic that the Germans had wanted. The people reacted very stoically. Yeah, like, well, fuck you. I'm going to join the army then.

Yeah, that's basically what happened. And they sort of supposedly, according to Miss Argyll, they got on with the job of clearing up, that British sense of not being phased by this. And then as the months went on, the bombing raids continued. To this point, the Zeppelins would get in, drop some bombs, get out, unharmed. No one knew what, you know, they didn't quite know what to do. But at the beginning of September 1916, more than a dozen German airships headed for Britain in their largest raid.

Bombs fell in Nottinghamshire, Lincolnshire and Kent, but only one airship made it through to London. It immediately came under heavy anti-aircraft fire and was shot down by 19-year-old William Leif Robinson. While Britain celebrated, the Germans stepped things up with the so-called super Zeppelps, but Britain had... They had a red racing stripe on them. Yeah, we're jazzling them up a bit, making them bigger. That 19-year-old shot us down. Let's give him a bigger time. So they're bringing out these super Zeppelins, but unfortunately for them, as the article says, Britain had found the Zeppelin's Achilles' heel,

explosive bullets which would set the hydrogen alive. Wow. This would prove to be the Zeppelin's undoing. When a zeppelin first appeared in the skies above Great Yarmouth, it was an invincible force, but now they were outclassed and dealt with swiftly. And this, you know, this was in a matter of a couple of years. So there was a fair bit of time where they were absolutely freaking out English.

During their brief but deadly dominance, the airships killed more than 500 people and injured more than 1,000 in places all down the east of the country. And yet, like Argyll said, there was no real advantage. These are people, you know, still getting about their lives. It was just trying to make, build pressure on the gun. government to go, hey, let's pull out of this war. Yeah. But it did not have that effect. And like Dave said, it probably had the opposite effect.

It made people go, because literally babies were dying in their beds after being bombed because they're bombing indiscriminately in civilian areas. So people are like, I want to join this. Yeah, fuck these pricks. There's one way to make it stop and that's to make it the whole war stop by winning. Yeah. So, yeah, I didn't know anything about. that so that's why I sort of went into that.

Yeah, it's very interesting. Tragic as well. Yeah. It's, yeah, so much tragedy. That's something I found about the World War. There's a few grim facts coming out. Pretty grim. Pretty grim topic.

Pretty grim overall. I mean, that's a bit of a hot take. Yeah. But there's also like so many stories. There's a million. I mean, like you two picked two out in the last two weeks. Yeah. There's so many stories.

Yeah, millions of moving parts. Yeah. With so many people involved, you're going to get these weird and wonderful characters and yeah bravery and tragedy but yeah I guess what I'm trying to do is just give just an overall um sort of like a zeppelin air view

of the wall does that make sense to you a zeppelin's like a big blimp I just feel like maybe because they don't seem like they're very good you know because they're dropping bombs on people that's not good so maybe you should just be like a drone

oh okay like a friendly drone yeah drones haven't done anything bad yeah A drone with a smiley face on it. Yeah, a drone from like Barry Plant real estate agency. Yeah, a friendly drone. What about like a good year blimp? Okay. I mean, it's pretty positive, good year.

Now we're talking. That's one of your old catchphrases, in fact. Ah, a good year blimp. I was like, and now we're talking. I've never said that. And now we're talking. But I think you should start. Now we're talking.

Oh, now we're talking. All right, I'm going to start saying it. So Zeppelins were new to warfare, for sure. But on the other hand, ships, the blimps of the sea. Oh my God, yes. And horses, the blimps of the land. Kaiser, what if we could get a blimp in the ocean? Well, actually, Dave, the ships had been using warfare for many years prior to this.

Really? Before a blimp. They even pre-blimp, yep. They were using boats before blimp. Blimps are actually the boats of the sky. God, I always got that the wrong way around. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that is true. Oh, airship.

Airship. But in the water. Yeah. Wow. Sort of like a water airship. So many things are invented for this war. Yeah. I mean, you know, that's one of the good things about war is the innovation.

That's right. Innovation technology. It just grows in leaps and bounds. We put ships on the water. Now they're flying in the water. That's crazy. I was going to talk about briefly I was writing about how planes changed the war a little bit, even though they were more effective in World War II.

But then I remembered where I recently heard all that was in your episode. So I was telling me about that. Yeah, you know, it's funny, I was hearing about how planes changed a lot. Yeah, the Red Baron episode, because, I mean, it was about the Red Baron, but you also talked a lot about how planes got involved.

A lot, Dave. He actually went on. It was a bit yappy. Yeah. Bit of this. Yeah, a bit of this. You're one of these, two of these. Use them in that ratio.

Yeah, need a little more of this. I was pointing at my cock and balls. One of these, two of these. And it's actually, it's the wrong way around for that. Yeah, that's right. He's got two penises and one ball. One ball. It's very big, though, the ball.

Yeah. One big ball. One big ball. You got overcompensate. No, you guys are confused. I'm just sitting on one of those old bouncy balls with two handles. So anyway, I'm going to talk a bit about ships. Okay.

In the war, Corderner History.com, in the years before World War I, the superiority of Britain's Royal Navy was unchallenged by any other nation's fleet. This was the pride of Britain. That is a smaller army. I think the other powers at this point had like big civilian armies. They drew on the population more, whereas Britain still just had a smaller sort of a pro-army. Yeah, right.

I'm using the wrong terms, but you can't know what I mean. Yeah. But their Navy was massive, bigger than anyone else's. I mean, make some sense they were fully surrounded by water. They were girt. They were girt by sea. Not more girt. So their superiority on the waves, on the high seas, was unsurpassed.

But the Imperial German Navy had made substantial strides in closing the gap between the two naval powers. Germany's strength on the high seas was also aided by its lethal fleet of U-boat submarines. Oh no. After the battle of Dogger Bank in January 1915. Love that. Never heard of that one. Dogger Bank. I'm imagining dogs robbing a bank.

Oh my God. Are they wearing bella-clavis? Of course. Wow. It would be identified, do they? I was imagining people having sex and other people watching. Is that what dogging is? You would.

Inside a bank? You'd assume dogs would be involved in dogging, but... Apparently not. And you learn that the hard way. Hey guys, I'm here for the event. Oh my God. Oh, no. Whoa, whoa, poochie, time to go.

The event. Time to go. Get in the car. Get in the car. I'm here for the dogging event. You're no longer needed. Poochie. Poochie, get out of here.

Poochie, go home. Poochee, go home. I don't want you to say this. Don't look at me. Oh my God. I thought this was a dog show. Don't look at me. That's what you get for naming your dog, poochie.

Sorry. The first dog name that comes into my head. You have a dog. I don't want to involve Humphrey in this absolute debauchery. So after the battle of Dogger Bank in January 1915, in which the British mounted a surprise attack. Mounted a Pomeranian. You're being silly now, listeners. So sorry for you to seem like this.

So this is still from his. Street.com, the British mounted a surprise attack at Doggerbank on German ships in the North Sea. The German Navy chose not to confront Britain's mighty Royal Navy in a major battle for more than a year, preferring to rest the bulk of its naval strategy on its U-boats, the submarines. The biggest naval engagement of World War I, the Battle of Jutland, Yutland, in May 1916, left British naval superiority on the North Sea intact. And Germany would make no further attempts to break, an Allied naval blockade for the remainder of the war.

I mean, this is summarizing it pretty briefly. They had some wins on the seas as well, the Germans. But they were mostly pinned in, is that right? Yeah. They kept going into lakes and going, oh, no, we're in this, buddy. Shit. Someone put up a dam on this. Do a U-boat U-turn?

That was what they were meant to be good at, I assume. I think submarines are stupid. Really? I think they're dumb. Underwater blimps. What are they for? What's wrong with being above the water? You can't see them under the water.

Okay. So paint your boat camo. Yeah, paint your boat the colour of the ocean. I just think submarines are funny. Yeah. That's all. I think they're funny too. Up periscope.

That's very funny. Are they the funniest transport or? What are those ones that can go on water and land? I'm thinking hoverboats. Hoverboats. No, hoverboats. Is that what they call? Hovercraft.

It's not hover or boat. Hovercraft. I also think tandem bicycles are funny. Yeah, I really, I've never been on, but I want to. It looks funny. Yeah, it looks funny. Especially if you're the person who's just peddling and you have no control of the steering. Yeah.

No, no. Don't turn left. Yeah. I saw I was standing in the city the other week and a guy in a suit cruise passed on an electric unicycle. Electric unicycle. Yeah. That's number.

I bet he would have grown up like a hippie juggling and stuff. Yeah. Like hippies do, they juggle. Yep. And then he's sold out of the corporate interests. And now he's definitely the most fun guy in that office. So he's always like, all right, hooroo everyone, taking my unicide. They're like, shut up, Steve.

It was fun. It's just something about seeing a guy ride such a silly mode of transport with such a glum look on his face and a suit holding a briefcase. It was something fun about it. sold out on the way to work for shell. Shell for shell. He's petrol guzzling unilitary unicycle. Anyway, what the fuck was I talking about? Sorry, that was a bit much.

So Germany had a crack at the high seas, but they got sort of blockaded in. But the U-boats did have a major impact on the war, as well as proving an effective way to attack their enemies. They also played a large role in bringing the United States into the United States into the war. the war. You heard of these guys? United States? Who? America? America? America? America? America? America? Yeah. Ah. History.com also summarizes the United States involvement in the war, saying at the outbreak of fighting in 1914, the United States remained on the sidelines of World War I, adopting the policy of neutrality favored by President Woodrow Wilson. Woody. While continuing to engage in commerce and shipping with European

countries on both sides of the conflict. They are like, we don't want to get in this war, we just want to make money out of both sides. Sort of like Gordon Gecko is the president. Neutrality, however, was increasingly difficult to maintain in the face of Germany's unchecked submarine aggression against neutral ships, including those carrying passengers. According to the World War.org, on February 4, 1915, Germany initiated a policy of unrestricted submarine warfare, whereby all merchant ships, including those of neutral countries, would be subject to attack.

There's this big sort of growing power in the United States. If you're sending ships past, then Germany's like, let's fucking blow them up. Why do they keep making these arrogant choices? It just seems like, yeah, it seems like a bit of a mistake. But, I mean, they sort of temper that shortly. Germany did at this point declare the area around the British Isles of Warzone. I guess in their minds, they're like, anyone delivering stuff? to our enemy.

We don't. Some of it's probably got ammunition and things they're using in the war effort. So that was their logic. According to History.com, a string of attacks on merchant ships followed

culminating in the sinking of the British ship Lusitania by a German new boat on May the 7th, 1915. Although the Lusitania was a British ship and it was carrying a supply of munitions,

these things are what Germany used to justify. other attack. It was principally a passenger ship, which, you know, is a pretty full-on thing to attack. And the 1, sorry about people who drowned in its sinking included 128 Americans. The incident prompted U.S. President Woodrow Wilson to send a strongly worded note to the German government demanding an end to German attacks against unarmed merchant ships. By September 1915, the German government had imposed such strict constraints on the operation of the nation submarines that the German Navy was persuaded to suspend U-boat warfare altogether.

Wow. So it was a very strongly worded. Wow, yeah. And they obviously were a bit wary of America. Yeah, let's not fuck with them. The sinking of the Lassatania, I don't know how to say that, had already helped. I think we've said Lucy Tainteanya before. Lusitania. The sinking of the Lusitania had already helped turn the tide of public opinion against Germany, though. By early 1917,

German Navy commanders had convinced Kaiser Wilhelm I.2nd that the U-Boats were essential to the war effort, suggesting that unrestricted U-boat warfare could result in a German victory by the second half of 1917. Let's use the U-Bolt. U-Bolt's on anything. We'll sort this out. We'll just take it. We'll get it done. You keep saying U-Bolt because of Usain Bolt, do you reckon? I think it's, you know, Chuck a U-Bowt. It's like Chuck a U-Banger.

Chuck a U-Banker. I've never heard U-Bolt. Is U-Balt not a thing? No. Chuck a Y-U-Sain Bolt. Chuck a U-Sain Bolt, man. No, I've never heard, U-Banger. U-Banger, I've heard, U-Bang, U-E.

Yeah, Chuck a U-Banger. Fuck, we're a dumb country. What are we talking about? I imagine these are probably international terms. U-Banger? Yeah. Chuck a U-Banger? Chucky U-U-U-Banger?

Chaka Yuwi. Chaka Yuwi. It's a beautiful language. As my girlfriend calls it, a Melbourne special. Oh, Ui's are new to her. Yeah, up in Sydney and Canberra, less. They just do the block. Well, also, because a lot of...

They've got a lot of one-way streets. Yeah, a lot of no right turns kind of thing. Yeah, that's probably why. Yeah, she was amazed how often... The Melbourne economy was born on the U-Burns back. And she's definitely started to fit in. Great on the U-bang now Melbourne Specialist left right and centre

Love a U-Bank Good on a Melbourne Special Mostly left and right Not much in the centre Yeah But I mean Farkham Farkham I reckon Harkham

Farkham A beautiful language Oh great So So the Navy commanders German Navy commanders They first they went to They convinced the German army

They said hey Our mates on land Huh You get it You land lovers Yeah we take, if you give us ability just to blow stuff up. Yeah, let us just blow some shit up.

Let's, hey, aren't you guys a bit sick of war? Let me blow some shit up. I can sort this out for you. Give me 10 minutes. Yeah, I can have this war wrapped up in 10 minutes. All right, all right, all right. 15. Just to be safe, but I reckon 10, but Marking out for 15.

I don't want to be a liar. Yeah, give me 15. It might take me more like 11 by the time I get back. But I'll have it all wrapped up. Have you already started the clock off? fuck. I'm going to eat 16 minutes. You started the clock 10 minutes ago. Oh dear.

I wasn't even here 10 minutes ago. Why did you start a random clock? Oh, that's not for me. That's for someone. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Sorry. Okay, okay, okay. I am so flustered. You got multiple clock. Multiple people on the clock.

I could not find a buck. I could not find a buck. Just give me like two minutes to get my stuff together. I promise you my presentation will blow your mind. All right. Do you have something I can put? Then I found the parker that I was in a rush.

I ran out that I realized, left the presentation of the car, had to go back to the car, get it. Now I'm even later. Oh, boy. I'm sweating a lot. Has anybody got some deodorant? Do you have a color printer? I was told

need a 3 print. Do you have A.V. facilities? I'm Gary, by the way. Great to meet you. Have you through. Do you have a VHS? I was told there'd be an easel ready for my presentation.

I don't be painting this. I don't see no easel. I spoke to Sharon on the phone. Where is Sharon? Is Sharon? Sharon. I'm not to put a face to a name. A face of a liar.

Matt, so patiently waiting to continue. Sorry, sorry. So they've said in summary. You guys validate parking. Do I have to pay for my own ticket if I don't get the deal? That seems rough. That seems rough. Who do I speak to for a cup of tea?

I am part. Is that too much to ask? So the German Navy commanders, they convinced Wilhelm, they convinced the army, they said, we need the U-boats to be able to get back in action, just blow up whatever they like.

Back in the water. There was one guy, the German Chancellor, Theobald von Betham, Bethman Holwegg. Oh, he's the Beth man. Oh, it seems like the groom has a lisp. Matt, will you be my Bethman?

Theobald von Bethman Holwegg He feared He feared antagonizing the Americans He's like, I don't think we should be doing this But he wasn't invited to the meeting He wasn't invited to the wedding To the wedding. To the wedding.

Best man, not a Beth man Not invited to the wedding unfortunately And So he's got Was he not invited because they were like This guy doesn't agree with us Possibly Let's not let him in

But the Kaiser, once the Kaiser said, yeah, let's go for it. Theobald von Bethman, the Beth man, the whole week. He got behind it and he said, fair enough, you're the boss. So with that, the U-boats were back in action. So how long were they out for a bit? So they said, America, don't worry about it. Something like, you know, up to not quite, but nearly two years. 19, over a year anyway.

1915 to early 1917. Wow. Now they're like, fuck it. Let's go after everything. Yes. I think about September 1915, the German government had imposed the strict restraints, constraints, and they basically pulled the pin on it, and then February 1915. So less than a year and a half, but over a year.

Yeah, it's amazing. The Chancellor's fears about America being antagonized were warranted, as according to History.com, in February 1917, very soon after, Congress passed, the US Congress, passed a $250 million arms appropriations bill intended to make the United States ready for war. This is a war they didn't want to be involved in. I was just happy to be selling stuff to both sides and just getting on with being a pretty prosperous country. Germany sunk four more US merchant ships the following month, and on April 2nd, Woodrow Wilson appeared before Congress and called. for a declaration of war against Germany.

In his address to the U.S. Congress, Wilson said, quote, The world must be made safe for democracy. Its peace must be planted upon the tested foundations of political liberty. We have no selfish ends to serve. We desire no conquest, no dominion. We see no indemnities for ourselves, no material compensation for the sacrifice we shall freely make.

they're basically saying we're doing this for the good of the world. There's nothing in it for us. Just like they were doing it for the good of the world and they were like supplying both sides of the... Yeah, for the good of the war. To keep killing each other. Yeah, well, that's the point. And though he said there was no dominion they sought again

because, I mean, this is what Europe was doing from before the World War until after. They were taken over countries, chopping them up, sharing them out between countries. they go, we'll take this half of this African area, you can have some of that, we'll fight over it to get where the border's going to be. And they're doing that around the world. America, they weren't really doing this. And I guess that's who he's saying that to these European guns.

We're not doing it for any land or anything. But despite him saying that, perhaps the fear of losing some territory may have factored into their decision to join the war. as according to World War I Centennial.org, around the same time, quote, an intercepted German telegram revealed a plan offering Mexico territory it had lost to the US during the Mexican-American War of 1846 to 1848 in exchange for its support.

So Germany's going, hey, Mexico, you jump on board with us and we win, we'll give you some, we'll give you that territory back that America took from you. So maybe and apparently that happened just before America joined the war. So the bombing of their boats and blowing up of their people played into it, perhaps also them going, we don't like this deal that Germany is making with Mexico as well, potentially. According to World War I Centennial.org once again, in the months that followed America entering the war,

over four million Americans of all backgrounds entered military service and prepared to go overseas. That's a big shot in the arm for the entente. The US government took an active role in mobilising American industry and society in support of the war effort. And in France, General John Blackjack, Pershing, led the effort to organise millions of incoming American troops into an effective fighting force.

This is kind of where I'm finishing up the first half of the report with America entering war. I love that. America's entering, and it's like ending on a cliff. Hangar. Yeah, so I'll just get to their first battle, and then we'll call it until next week. In May of 1917, the US Congress authorized the Selective Service Act, initiating the first military drafts since the Civil War.

This is a big thing. On May the 28th, the US fought its first major battle of the war in the Battle of Kortin-Y. American troops captured the town of Kortin-Yi, scoring a victory over the Germans, and taking an important. observation point. The war was changing. It really was a big turning point, America joining the war.

And yeah, that's where we're leaving it for this week. Whoa. Wow. How will it end? Who will win? We'll find out next one. Oh, thank goodness. I will let you know.

Great. If I find out. Assuming I'll find out first. That's right. Be honest. Have you looked ahead or are you? No, no spoilers. Yeah.

Great. Don't want to. It's interesting for you. Yeah, exactly. Go keep it fun for yourself, yeah. I haven't read any of this before I'm reading it. Wow. That's why I stumble half the time,

especially on this episode that I have no time to edit out those stumbles. Normally I do it painstakingly. The ones that I normally leave in are on purpose. Yeah, it'd make you seem human. Yeah. Yeah, you sound robotic otherwise. No one's perfect. You don't want to sound scripted, you know?

Yeah, I'd be interested to hear what, if listeners like the idea of doing some bigger topics that are two-parters, or if that is frustrating to have a cliffhanger. I know having being in the middle of, because TV was just all binging. And then Disney Pluses come in and all of a sudden they're doing weekly stuff. And I just want to get to the end of Wondervision.

Every episode I watch, I'm like, I want to watch the next one. But anyway, whatever. I don't care. I'm fine. Hopefully the listeners aren't feeling that way right now, although they probably are. Yeah. There are definitely some topics that I've thought about before

and I've thought, that's too big. Yeah. Couldn't do that. Yeah. So maybe if people are up for the two-parters, it can become an occasional thing. Oh. Yeah, sweet.

I mean, yeah, this is halfway through and we're well over an hour into it. And we've, I don't know if anyone's noticed, but we stopped talking bullshit for 15 minutes at the start. Fun little thing we've done. Yeah, now we just talk a little bit more bullshit right here. But I've got to say, Matt, you're doing. Beth man really got me.

Beth man, sorry. I thought I was going to throw up. I was laughing so hard. And then I, like, my, I was. my eyes were closed, I was laughing, and when I opened them, I was scared I was going to faint. Something about it really got me. He really had a medical emergency over there. Yeah, it wasn't good.

Wow. I am, Justin Dave, you both are students of history. Am I doing an okay job so far? I think you're doing a fantastic job. I'm across it all. I'm understanding the different power. Obviously, there's so many different moving parts, multiple countries and empires, and you're doing a great job. Oh, thanks, Dave.

I consider myself more a student of life. Yeah, of now. Yeah, I'm a student of now. I look back. Actually, I'm a big old planner. I'm always looking ahead. Yeah. Very goals-oriented as well.

You're a futureologist. Yes, I am a futureologist. So none of, all of this is new to me and riveting, especially the U-boat stuff. I know you love a, you love a sub. God, they're dumb. No, you find them annoying. Is it annoying or is it strange?

I don't know, I just think they're a bit silly. I think we're like, ooh, submarine, but it's like, it's a, what are you talking about? They're so silly. Yeah? They brought America into the war. That was silly, actually. That was pretty silly.

That was a bit silly. It does seem like, I mean, you always look back on, on the losers and go, ooh, that's a big tactical error. Yeah. And then the other side makes big tactical errors as well. And you're just saying to think about them as much. Yeah, exactly right. But that tactical error led to our victory.

You know, you really spin it. But I've got to say, when he's, Some of the things it does feel like there were a couple of foolish choices. See, like I look at the map to see how hard it would have been to go around Belgium. It wouldn't have been that hard. Yeah, right. Yeah, it seems unnecessary to just go and start blowing shit up. Yeah.

It's like they were the ones going, no, thank you. If they really wanted this quick, quick win, then don't bring in other powers. Yeah, twice they've brought in two big powers by accident. And they still was, I mean, they were still pretty, it shows how powerful they were. Yeah, it's amazing. They gave it such a great run already. It's like, whoa. It's amazing.

Imagine if they hadn't brought in these powers. Yeah, that's right. Might have got the job done for their side. All right. Well, that brings us to everyone's favorite section of the show, the fact, quote or question section. It has a little jingle, I think. It's something like this. Fact quote or question.

Ding! A little early on the ding. Always early on the ding. Thank you. Sometimes I nail it, come on Yeah, you do normally now Sometimes I go One, I do

And I know what to do That's what I do usually Okay I didn't canon this time, sorry You went with your heart I was wrong I was Mario and Mario Cats And I hit the accelerate too early

I thought I was gonna get a boost And I absolutely I uh You fucked it Yeah, I stole it Sorry everyone So the way you get involved in this Is you go to

DoGonpod.com Or Patreon.com slash sugar on pod. And you sign up on the Sydney-Shonberg Deluxe Memorial Edition package, rest in peace. And you get a bunch, on that level, it's one of the higher levels of middle. You get a bunch of different rewards.

You get all the ones from the other lower levels, including voting rights on topics. You get to get three bonus episodes per month. You get, including a bonus report. You get this month, they've read a childhood book to Jess and I. show that we now call My Dave Rota Poirot.

That's right, because it was a self-penned book from when I was 12. And a bit of mystery. Do you want to give the sizzle of what you found during the week? Oh, Lord, let me just tell you that I was doing a bit of cleaning out of old stuff at my parents' house, and I may have found another short story written

at an even younger age. Oh, prequel. It's even younger. It is prequel, yeah, it is an even earlier Poirot. That is exciting. So hopefully, I'll be able to read that out soon as a Patreon on the episode. You get other things like get access to the exclusive Facebook group

and many other things. So get involved if you want to. But this is the main one for that level. You get to give a fact, a quote or a question. You also get to give yourself a title. And first up this week, the great Rachel Johnson, who's given herself the title, official human slash emuliazon. Oh, great.

God, we needed that. That is very handy. Thank goodness. We learn our lesson. We need one of those. We don't want to kick off again. And Rachel is asking a question. And here's the question.

I don't read them until I read them. Here it is. If you each had to compete on a reality TV show, which one would it be? Dancing with the stars. That is a great question. Dancing with the stars. It's the only one I do. So a reality show.

So game shows obviously don't count. Oh, yeah. I don't think they can. Yeah. Okay. So it's got to be like a formatted. Different genre. We'll not do, like, I'm a celebrity, get me out of here.

Survivor. None of that. No, thank you. What are the amazing race? Still the crazy challenges. Very much depends on who with. I mean, you get a choice. You're not being a pet up with a good friend or a partner, don't you?

Yeah, that's a fucking nightmare. You wouldn't go with your partner? No. No. Really? But you guys travel together? Yes. And we've learned.

That's right. The watermelon challenge. The easiest person to fluster. Like sometimes just like a supermarket will fluster him. Really? The supermarket challenge would really get him. Yeah, it's no good. You want somewhere in between because you don't want them to be too unflustered either.

Because you're like, come on, get up, we're going to race to do. Yeah. Nah, it should be right. Yeah, exactly. Maybe my brother for an amazing race, I reckon. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be fine. What about you and you've already selected another show?

I know, I said Dancing with the Stars. I was just wondering with your brother. Because I'd like to dance. He's pretty strong. He could lift me, I reckon. But I don't think he has the hips. Ideally, one of you would be a professional. Exactly.

So probably not, probably not with my brother that one. I hadn't thought of Amazing Race that. So I think that's one I'd go for. I'd pretty much do any of them. With who? Any of you? Either of you? I'd go with you.

Yeah, I'll do it with you. Yeah, I'll do it with that. You guys go. I would go with you. I would also go with you, Matt, on the block. Oh, yeah. Because I have no practical experience. Like, I can't even paint a fence.

We would be real underdogs on that, I think. Yeah. We need, maybe I need someone like your brother who's got a trade. Yeah. I need someone who's got a trade. Yeah, I would again do the block with my brother. I'll get either of your brother's with me on the block. Yeah.

My brother has been on the block. Really? Yeah, it was like one of the tradies. Oh, right. Because they bring, what I love about that is that, yeah, they, obviously, if people overseas, I don't know if this is an international thing. But I think it might be one of the few. Yeah, it's my.

It's massive here, and it has been for over 10, 15 years. Yeah. Every year they get different couples to renovate homes, and it's a competition. And it's massive here. Yeah, we're Andy Saunders, comedian was on a few scenes ago. But a friend of mine and supporter of this show, Matt Funnigan, was also a chippy on there for a while.

Very cool. He said it was funny watching the episodes and going, ah, it's not quite how I remember. Yeah, a bit of editing there. A little bit. Unless he signed an NDA and shouldn't have told me that, then obviously just joking. Kidding, ha ha. Got you.

Yeah, and I'm not saying dancing with stars because I consider myself a star, just because I would like to learn how to dance properly. Oh, okay, cool. That'd be nice, you know, and it's for charity. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Yeah, I'd pretty, like, I'd do any of it. They all seem like a fun, easy way to spend some time.

I mean, I'm not putting myself up for it, but. if I ever was a celebrity, I don't think I can do, I'm a celebrity get me out of the last. I don't think I actually get celebrities on that one. Yeah, so you think I'm qualified? You probably are qualified, yeah. You probably could get on there.

The snakes. Yeah, no thank you. This season, there was, I think it was Tony Pieran, got bitten on the face by a snake three times and kept going in the challenge. Even though it's non-venomous, when you're getting bitten by a snake on the face.

Yeah. It's time to go. No good. For me, I don't like them. A couple of people got bitten by snakes this season. Yeah. It's fucked. It's fucked.

I don't know. It seems like a bit of fun. Anyway, great channel 10th program. The thing I would keep thinking was they're not going to let me get badly hurt. Right? Sure. So a snake biting you on the face?

So a snake on the weekend? Did you? On your face? No, on the ground. Was it a venomous one? Do you reckon? Trous? I don't know.

I'd go out a wide berth. Yeah, good call. Probably say. to assume that it is. Yeah, I think it's smart. I just assume. That's a fun question. That was a great question.

Yeah, good work. Rachel Johnson. This one comes from Jessica English, who's given herself the title of Maritime Attorney International Waters or Bust. Brackett, we've hit a bit of a snag. May take a while. Farrant, for those you don't know, this is Dave's dream is to do a podcast in international. Yes.

Or on international waters. It's not in a sub. No. No, we would love to be like in a floating zeppelin. Barge. A barge. I'd love to be on a barge. A zebeline-sized barge.

Jessica has given us a fact. Here's the fact. A zebrae is a cross between a zebra and any other member of the family Equidae. Pronounced Equidae. Got it. He did it. Which besides zebras includes donkeys, ponies and horses. A zonky is a cross between.

a zebra and a donkey. A zoni is a cross between a zebra and a pony. A zorse. Is it a cross between a zebra and a horse. I got that one. Good work. Thank you. She said, I don't know why, but I thought Jess would get a kick out of this.

Yes. She nailed it. I did. Yeah, wow. I did a lot. It's fun. Thank you for everything. I'm eagerly awaiting a US or Canadian tour post-COVID.

So we! Oh my goodness. Cannot wait. Thanks so much, Jessica. I was caught up with mates over the weekend for a buck and we were a couple of them, we went on a box a few years back, which was in Vegas. And we're already talking about a 10-year reunion. We're still a few years away, but the dream is real.

That sounds like a back. We're planning it out. We're deep into talking it out. I love a 10-year reunion of a box party. Essentially, it's their 10th anniversary you're talking about. Wow. And he's going to be like, sorry, hon. No, I mean, there was a gap between the box on the wedding.

Yeah, as there should be. You shouldn't do the bucks like the same day That's a terrible idea Yeah I think that's how they used to do them Like the night before What are you fucking thinking And then like people getting eyebrows shaved off Yeah exactly

What are you doing? You idiot I'm so sorry Don't ever do that A week or two ahead A week is even pushing it Yeah I reckon two weeks Two weeks

I mean How much can an eyebrow grow in two weeks Yeah not that much They're slow growers eyebrows Been in a few bucks Thank you Jessica English Another fantastic Entry

This one comes from Paloma Velesquay or Velazquez. Love it. And Paloma is given themselves the title of Deputy Assistant Wombat Wrangler. Bloody love wombats. My favourite animal. Great job. Great work, Paloma. If you know any help, I'm happy to help Wrangles.

The question from Paloma is, as both a religious studies teacher and a Simpsons fan, this is a Homer Simpson's question that I've posed to my students every year and I'm curious to hear your thoughts. Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that even he could not eat it? I mean, what do you students answer into that? That is tricky.

That's a great. It's like a paradox, right? Yeah, is this a test? I mean, he turned water into wine. Yes. So he's quite powerful. Yes. But also if you're that powerful, you should be able to handle any heat.

Yeah. That's fun. Great question. I'm going to say no. As a Simpsons fan, I'm going to answer your question with a question. What's the sound of one hand clapping? Yeah, great question. I'm going to say, wow, microwave a burrito is so hot.

I don't have a microwave. What? This is weird, isn't it? Why don't you have a microwave? I don't know I said the other day when I entered a microwave something. Like, I don't have one of them. I don't have one either at the moment. What?

Three months clean. I don't think I've had one for years. I can't remember the last one I've had one. So what were you needing one for, heating up food? Yeah, the burrito bread. The pitter bread. Oh, do you have to chuck it in a pan? A tortilla.

Tortilla. Did you have to put in a pan? Pan seared it? Yeah, just pan seared it. There you go. Why don't you have one? Do I need to buy you both microwaves? I moved to a place with a kitchen where it doesn't fit in the cupboard anymore.

So. I'm going to have in a cupboard. Got to get a small one. You put the sauce and microwaves in the cupboards. You are a weirdo. I love hot sauce. I put my microwave in the fridge. Yeah.

Like a normal person. All right, quick answers. Yes or no. Can he make it so hot that he can't eat it? Yes, I think it's one of the only... Quick answers, Dave. Yes. No.

I'm a tie-break. Got to say no. Well, you doubt in the big man, guys. Well, the problem is he'll always be able to eat it. He can eat anything. He's Jesus. Thank you so much, Paloma. That's one of the famous things in the Bible.

Jesus can eat anything. Menu. He'd be great. It'd be great on I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here. Oh, yeah, yeah. All the challenges. He's like slugs, no worries.

Fantastic. Easy, well. Easy, peasy. Balls. That snake's biting me. I'm going to eat it. I'll eat that snake. I'll let you.

All right. I'll show you. No, fuck you. The final one this week comes from Paul McNally, who's given himself the title of country music sensation. Oh, right. Brilliant. I love it.

The Paul Macnall. How many golden guitars? You reckon he's won? Countless. Too many. Yeah. Well done, Paul. Great title.

That's great. Paul's given us a fact. Here it is. In July 1855, a fight between a crew of firemen and a troop of clowns in a brothel. You're facting this fact back to us. I'm pretty sure I just did an episode on this, or am I wrong? Yeah. A fight between a crew of fireman and a troop of clowns and a brothel in Toronto descended into a huge riot that lasted for hours.

This directly led to the firing of the entire. police force of that city of Toronto. This was the most random pair of sentences of red in weeks. That's so funny that he was able to break down your whole report. Was that a bonus? No, that was a, it was called the... Toronto Clown Riot. Yeah, something like that.

You did that, Jess. You don't remember? I vaguely remember it, yeah. What's wrong with me? You're always thinking of the future. Yeah, I'm thinking ahead. You're not... I mean, I've done that report in the past.

You don't look in your mirrors. For people playing at home I want to check it out Because it is an interesting story That is episode of 153 From September 2018 Okay All right

That's long enough ago That it's okay I don't remember it I do I do When Matt started I was like Hang on we've done this story

Yeah And I knew I'd done it But I would have thought It was a bonus But I did a whole report on it Cool And thanks for bringing it to our attention Again everyone

Because It's good to remember Well that wasn't everyone That was Country Music sensation. Paul McNally. Oh, thank you so much. Thanks, Paul. And that takes us to a few more shoutouts where we thank a few of our supporters

from the DB Cooper level. Ars prod. Ask prod level. And above, including some DB Cooper level people, Jess. Don't turn it back on me. And Jess, you know when we come up a little game, we give him a nickname or a something, something to do with the topic somehow? It's hard because our topic has been World War I. That's true.

So I'm not sure what we can give them. What if we give them a superpower? Oh, much like. No, I mean, as in like which country or nation or empire? Because there are more than... All right, let's see what Dave does with this. Yeah. Yeah, you start us off, Dave.

We definitely get it. We know exactly what you mean. It's not going to be very fun. It would be like representing the Russian Empire. Oh, that's fun. Are they nine? Yeah, I guess they're all. Can you think of nine?

Of all time. Yeah. All right. Well, first from Taupo in New Zealand, it is Hugo Cameron. Hugo Cameron, come on down, representing the Ottoman Empire. Oh. Is that what Ottomans like the footstools are named after? It's got to be, right?

Gotta be. Gotta be. Gotta be. Gotta be. Gotta be. Gotta be. I reckon maybe once every month. month there'll be a tweet, I see, that joins those two things together.

Yeah, but has anybody confirmed it? No. I don't think so. Okay. No one's looking at out. Thank you so much, Hugo. Cameron representing the Ottoman Empire with 600 years of domination. I'd also love to thank from Henderson in Nevada, the United States, Kelly Parish.

Kelly Parish representing Japan. All right. What was their full title when they were? Or just current super, are they a current superpower? Or are you talking like World War era superpower? Oh, I guess it's just, I'm just nations, empires. Yeah, great. Anyone who was part of World War I, it was the Empire of Japan.

Empire of Japan. Ah, that is good. You've taken one from each side so far. Love that. Love that balance. Ah, that is good. That is good. And finally from me,

I'd love to thank from Oldham in England, Paul Meller. Paul Meller, come on down, representing, entering the war in 1915. It was Bulgaria. Oh, okay. What point were they power? The Zardom of Bulgaria, also known as Kingdom of Bulgaria. Zardom is good. Also, some of these are more powerful than others, but still.

Because they did, yeah, Bulgaria has had some, yeah, sometime at the top of the pops, I'm sure. When I was in Bulgaria, I was there traveling by myself and I was walking through a market one time and I've probably told this story on here before. Have I? A group of guys sort of corralled me into an alleyway and then circled me and were talking to me in Bulgarian, I guess.

And I didn't speak Bulgarian. But I was sort of talking quite threateningly. And then I'm going, oh, I'm sorry, I don't understand. And I'm like, oh, Oh, no. Well, I don't know. They're not talking English either. I'm just sort of like apologising.

It was about 12. Oh, my God. Circling me. So, fully, like, literally circling me. And then I was just clearly shit myself because I'm like, I'm here. I'm in this country by myself. I don't know anyone here. Oh, man.

Have you disappeared? No one would. Yeah, exactly. It's the kind of thing. It's like, uh, and this is, you know, this is, uh, more than 10 years ago. Internet's kind of primitive and stuff. People would have barely known I was in Bulgaria. area and then they started laughing and then sort of just let me go and I have no idea

you don't know what the joke was no idea it was just like they were either like going to they sort of felt like a mugging yeah and I'm like going I don't have anything and then but then when they said a lot of them I'm like were they just trolling me I don't know I just I still don't know if I was in danger if they were just fucking with me have you know Having a bit of fun. That's baffling. Yeah. Wow.

But there was, there was a little bit of time there where I'm like, well, this is how it ends. So riddle me this, though. When you've been hanging out with groups of your friends, you've done the same thing to an innocent bystander, right? As a funny joke. Yeah, we all have a laugh. You know, the boys, boys. We circle a guy who. Yeah, it doesn't speak the language.

Bit of fun. And then we say really nice things to him, but our tone is really wrong. We say, do you need directions, mate? Welcome to Melbourne. It's a beautiful city. Enjoy our cafe culture. Then we watch him shit himself for a bit and then we just leave. Bit of fun.

Bit of fun. Boys, boys, boys. Anyway. Had a great time there, apart from that. Apart from that, I reckon that would be enough for me to ruin that place for me. Like I didn't have a great time in Spain because my wallet got. stolen and now I'm like, bloody Spain.

Because of that. You had a very scary encounter and you're like, had a great time. I had a bloody great time. Yeah, I mean, I reckon that afternoon was a bit of a damper. Yeah. I probably just wandered back looking bewildered.

And thought, I should check in with someone. I've got to get to a dorm. Yeah. Get some people around me. I got to get some people. Anyway, what are we talking about? We're thanking some people. And I'd like to do that now as well, if I may.

Dave, you're going to keep, You're going to keep... Yeah, I got a list here. Okay. All right. Let's keep working off that list. I would love to thank from San Bernardino. I don't know where that is, but it sounds awesome.

California. Oh, California. I love to thank Daniel B. Sawyer. Oh, Daniel B. Sawyer, He be, representing New Zealand. Oh. A bit of sizzle. That's, yeah, great. The land of the long white cloud.

That's a great title. So good. So good. Beautiful place. Beautiful place. Can't wait to go back. Yes. Oh, and it seems like possibly that our bubble with them is reopening.

That would be nice. I haven't done the North Island. So I love to do that. So, I mean, isn't that classic sort of imperialist stuff? Haven't done the North Island? You want to go and conquer the North Island? Yeah. You want to plant your flag, do you?

Is that what you want to do? Yeah. I'm going to take my army over. Plan a flag. Say mine. Shot card. I do believe their army is pretty small. I can take them.

I can like leg press a lot. An entire army, that's awesome. Easy, peasy. Are you going to invade neutral New Zealand? Yes. That does feel like a bit of a faux part. Can you stop giving away my plan? Sorry.

Anyway, I would love to thank from Derbyshire, also in Great Britain, Alex Caldron. Oh, I believe it. Is that Derbyshire? I was going to say, only because the people there would find out. Yeah, they're going to know it. And also because that was my grandmother's her name. Darbyshire. Darbyshire.

And it would annoy her as a teacher to be called Derby Shire. Mrs. Derby Shire? I read this not too long ago because I was, I'm like, what is it meant to be? Because Americans and Western Australia say Derby and East Coast of Australia and England say Derby. But I think it's, I think I read that it started out as Derby. and then something happened where they started saying Derby, but it had already made it to American or it was Derby or something like that. Right.

So I think Derby is actually the original, which is funny. There you go. Bit of fact, if true. Bit of fun. Bit of fact. A bit of fact. A bit of fact. Oh, no.

A little bit of facts. A little bit of fact. Make it. I believe it. Who are we thinking from Derbyshire? Alex. Alex, not representing Darbyshire this time, but representing a client state of the German Empire, the Ukraine.

Okay. Oh, the Ukraine. I reckon that's one of the funner country names, the Ukraine. Yeah, yeah, I like it. I like a lot. It's fun. Especially if you think of it as like the third brother to Fraser and Niles. Uke.

Yuk. Yook. Also the capital being Kiev, letting his name to be a delightful chicken meal. Yeah. I went to school with a guy called Richard Kiev. and you better believe his nickname was chicken. Not even chook. Chicken.

Garlic, garlic sauce. Garlic. Not even saucy boy. My parents... Your saucy, sausage boy. My parents have, like, is he the accountant? Who has also looked after, like, their will and their soup fun and everything. And when they were going overseas one time, they were like, all right, we'll leave you, like, any documents and stuff in case anything happens to us.

And I was like... In case we get encircled in Bulgaria. Yeah. And... Because I was like, yeah, actually, I don't know who to contact. Like, I know your accountant's name is Chook, but... But I don't think I can find him that way. We trusted Chook with everything.

I know. And I was like, what's Chook's name? They're like, Ray. I'm like, why? Puck twice. For yes. Chook. Chook knows every...

Chook knows so many family secrets. Yeah. Chook has... Chook has it all. Chook has, he knows my name, that's for sure. He's got the case of the kingdom, Chook. Bloody Chook, he's in charge. Anyway, finally for me, I would love to thank,

from another place I'm sure to mispronance, Brinst... Brinsthen. And where's that? Also in Great Britain. Brinston. Brinston. Beautiful.

Just rolls off the tongue. I would love to thank Jack Evans. Well, Jack Evans. Thank you. Step away from Brinsland, because you are now representing. the good people of Canada. Oh, Canada. Love that.

Fantastic. Thank you so much for your support. Oh, thank you so much. Jess is handing me so I can, her laptop, so I can thank people and also read out countries at the same time. Hard on the one phone. All right, I would love to thank, if I could, from Beedle. Also in Great Britain.

Bidal? Biddle, probably. Bidale? B. B. Dale, that's probably it. B Dale. B. Dale. I would like to thank Jamie Chisholm. Jamie Chisholm. Fantastic name there. Jamie Chisholm.

I'm getting good vibes, so I'm going to assign you the big dog of the Central Powers. Germany. Germany. Fighting wars left, right and center. Thank you, Jamie Chisholm. I would now like to thank from Tempe in Arizona, Adrian. Hernandez Arista Tempe, Tempe.

Love it. Oh, what a name as well. I mean, as all these are. Absolutely fantastic. I mean, we had cauldron just before, but Adrian Hernandez Arista is magnifique. Adrian Hernandez Arista.

We might be hearing from your country in the second half of this report and that is you are representing Italy. Italy. Italy does, we'll get a mention. Does and will. Sorry. A little sizzle. A little sizzle for your steak there.

I don't eat steak. And finally from me, I would love to thank you. Sorry, I couldn't see you because I'm holding up a laptop. From Winterhaven in Florida, mainly that comes up a lot. A great support of the show. That is Odie Matthews. Odie.

Odie. Thank you so much, Odie Matthews. And it started with the Ottoman Empire. It's going to end with the Ottoman Empire. Also, the Ottoman Empire, I think, will end. At the end of the next episode, but Odie Matthews. You've given two Ottoman empires out.

No, no, it's the first, that was my example one. I don't think I assigned it to someone. Is that right? No, you assigned it. He definitely did. Did I? Yeah. Fine.

Fantastic. Well, I still have, to be honest, the list for Central Powers is a lot shorter. So that's why I'm going to give you listed as a supporter from 1915 to 1916. And that is the Ethiopian Empire. Oh. So didn't you need too much fighting? I don't think. We did Austro-Hungary, Great Britain, the United States.

Yeah, but they're on the... Well, apart from Austria-Hungary, you're right, I didn't do them. But the others are on the other side. I was trying to go one than the other. Oh, you go for one for one. Bit of a bit of, you know, not playing favourites in this war of war. But did leave out the one that started at all. Yeah, well, I don't want to cast a dispersion.

Fair enough. So I'm bringing in the Empire of Ethiopia for you, Odie Matthews. Onya, Odie. Thank you so much, Odie. Adrian. Jamie, Jack, Alex, Daniel. Paul, Kelly and Hugo. And the last thing we like to do

before we wrap up this week is invite a few of our long-term supporters into the Triptitch Club. Have you been supporting us at the shout-out level or above for three years? You get invited into the Triptitch Club. A beautiful lounge area.

Very exclusive. There's a velvet rope separating you from the plebeians. Plebians? Plebs. Plebs. Plebs. Plebians.

Thank you. Sounds stupid. And it's a great, I love that way. It's so, fun to say. I hate it more than the submarines. I'm standing at the door with a list of names. Checking off the list, once you go in, Dave's standing there to hype you up

to make you feel good. This club's all about feeling good, Dave, will make you particularly feel good. As you went to the club, Jass then makes Dave feel good because this club's all about feeling good. Yeah. Jazz has also organized a few hors d'oeuvs,

a few drinks, cocktails. Dave's got a band going. Dave, who you got playing this week? We've got Simon Andor Garf uncle. Oh, and all. But refusing to perform together, I'm afraid. Right. So it's one set than the other.

But there's a fierce game of rocks as a paper as to who goes out first. Yeah, okay. Fair enough. I'm looking forward to that. Love the boxer. Great tune. Hopefully. Lai la la la.

La la la. La lie. La lie. La lie. La lie. Lai. Lai la lie. Lai.

Do you reckon they couldn't let me do the ksh? I reckon they could. That'd be fantastic. Maybe I'll bring them back together with the power of my kush. That'd be great if they did solo sets and then they worked it out and came together. Yeah, the big finale. Did a bit of bridge over troubled water together or something. Like a fruit.

No, I'm not going to do it. So there's a dirty half D coming in today. Jess, what are they going to be enjoying in terms of drinks and? World War I themed. Yes. Rations. Oh, great. Oh, okay.

Rations of bacon? No. Okay. You can have one potato. Half a biscuit. One potato, two potato, three potato four? No. One potato.

Okay. Yes. Whenever you say that, it starts me out, one potato, two potato. Stop it. Will you stop saying one potato? You're making yourself hungry. There will be a singular potato. Singular, doubler.

Tripulata. Four. Quot. Yeah, anyway, so it's rations this week. Luckily there is still a full menu. you of the previous week. It's just if you want to stick to the theme. Awesome.

All right, so let me bring him in. Dave will then hype them up with their name. Jess will hype Dave. All right, here we go. So there's six? There's six. You can do this. Easy peasy.

We're going to bang. Try not to pick early. Here we go. All right. First up from Hampton in Victoria, Australia. Sam, Macalind. Marsleon. Marchillan.

One of those. Which one? Just go with Sam. Okay, yeah. Sam. Sam, I am. Yes, there he goes. Sam, Bam, thank you, ma'am.

Stop trying to help. Just get on with the fucking names. You just said, bang, bang, bang, we're going to get some momentum. And what was that? Sam Bam? Come on, Sam I am. Shut up, man. Sorry, yep. From Espanoela in New Mexico in the United States, it's Carlos Arolano.

Something about loss. That's their loss. Oh, yeah. We will not be feeling a loss tonight. Yes. Carlos. Uh-huh. Welcome in.

Also from Shamburg, Illinois in the United States, is Nathaniel Gingrich. Oh, Gingrich. I feel Gingrich with your presence. Yes. Incredible.

Thank you. Try not to peek early, but that might have been it. That's okay. We're halfway. Okay, great. Awesome. Oh, no, we're actually,

there's only five, sorry. Okay, but are you the halfway? Matt, if you let me know, I probably would have calculated this slightly differently, but okay. From Eliminate in Victoria. I think he's from Ballarat. Wait, no, Coburg.

No, Colac. Sorry. But maybe more specifically, eliminate in Victoria. It's Loll Radio. Oh, Loll Radio. Eliminating the bad times. Amazing. Shut up and read a name.

Isn't the name, you just said eliminate or something like that. Oh, yes. Eliminating bad times. It's not for you to say whether it's good or bad. It's just for you to read a name. If you'd prefer me to say, we'll be laughing out loud with you here. Thank you so much. That's Jophe from Lull Radio.

Jop. You're a legend. Three years. Jesus gone. Thanks, Joff. And finally, this week, from Riverstone in New South Wales, Australia. It's Blake Fishburn. Oh, well.

This fish will be perfectly cooked. He's got lake, fish, and river in his thing. You couldn't come up with anything. Oh, no, I got something, but then we just went off track here. Dave were all waiting I just came up with something It was pretty funny It was fantastic

And I hype you up Dave laugh Yes Jess When Jess gets involved It's all great is it Yes a hype man Can hype up a fellow hype man Okay

What am I You shut up You're a guy That's what you are You're a shatter-up You're a master of ceremonies You read out names mate I'm the gay

You're the Copeland sort of thing I'll set you up You do the dunks I'm the Michael Jordan Yeah you've got lots of assists Jess is Magic Johnson Thank you Actually got all sorts of records

actually the greatest. Stop trying to make this about you. Okay. Try, but it's hard. Sorry, are you feeling like you've been fish burned over there? Thank you so much. Good night. Thank you so much to Blake, Jof, Nathaniel, Carlos and Sam.

You're all legends. Welcome into the Triptych Club. Make yourselves at home. Enjoy a bit of... What's his name in the other girl? Simon and Orga Funk. Simon and Orgarfunkel. pride.

Califong is such a good man. All right. It's so good. And his name's art. Art. Everything about it's fantastic. So Dave, wrap this up.

Well, we will be back next week with the thrilling conclusion. World War I part two. They said it couldn't be done. I said it couldn't be done. But Matt is proving me wrong. And I'm very happy that you've done so.

Thank you so much for listening to the episode. Get in contact with us at do go onpod.com. There's links to our Patreon. We can support the show. Our merchandise. We can wear something nice while supporting the show. We've got a Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, all that sort of stuff at Do Go On Pod for all those things.

And even an email, you know, while you're looking nice and you do go on merchandise, email us Do GoOnPod at gmail.com. But until next week, when we'll finish off World War I, I'll say thank you and goodbye. Later. Bye. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

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