Do Go On - 29 - Former Turkmenistan President Saparmurat Niyazov and His Crazy Antics

Episode Date: May 11, 2016

I think a lot of the information you need is in the super long title of this episode. It's about former Turkmenistan president Saparmurat Niyazov and his crazy antics. Enjoy! #2DaycoupdetatTwitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] the show and get rewards like bonus episodes:www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serengy Amarna 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there. Canada, we are visiting you in September this year.

If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. And welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnocky and I am joined by two of my bestest buds. And they are... Oh, come on, guys, you're my best buds.

It's Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart. Hello, buds. Hello, bud. Hey, bud. Bud, bud. Well, that's very nice. No, we're not laughing at you. Is the best bud not reciprocated?

No, it definitely is. No, you guys are the best buds for sure. Oh. If this was still 2004, you'd be in my MySpace top eight. I'll tell you. Oh, man. That is very kind of you. Like, oh, so you wouldn't reciprocate.

Maybe top 16, can I have? Oh, no, you'd definitely, you'd be in my top eight. I just think, like, that's a great way of judging it. It is, isn't. I often think about that with people. It was always big, like, who's your top friend, you know? It was number one. Kind of a brutal way of conducting sort of friendships.

Ranking friends. It's very hard. You know what as well? Because, like, that was all while I was still in high school. So as soon as somebody got a boyfriend, then he would be the top. Straight to one. Straight to one. And you know what?

Like, that needs to take some time. I don't think any... I don't think a boyfriend should be jumping the queue straight up. Straight up. Like, don't discount your friendships like that. No. I reckon you'd slowly work them up one by one. Take down your friends one by one.

Maybe month by month. A month, so a re-evaluation at the end of every month. Are you? And then it's just head to head. I'm so glad that feature isn't on Facebook. I don't think, I think it's part of the reason why MySpace died. Everyone just turned on each other My top friend, if we still had them

My top friend would be my best friend Deb But her top friend would be her boyfriend And then so it's like I'm not her number one You know? That hurts And her boyfriend's not you

Just to confirm I am not her boyfriend So close The thing there are like adult life things That are like that Like weddings Where people will pick Three friends

To be in their bridal party Or four or two or whatever I never understood weddings If I get married, I'm allowed to have a best man, is that right? So I have a number one pick. But then I can also have, what are those other dudes? Groomsmen. Yeah, they're like your second and third best man.

I don't think there's a cap. And are they ranked? So would you know I'm number two groomsmen? No. It's just groomsmen in a group. Anyway. I would definitely let my groomsmen know who's number one. Mate, you're lucky to be in the fourth groomsman.

I'll tell you that. Well, it's a bloody honor to be a fourth groomsman. Totally. Well, with that attitude, you're down to five, Fifth groomsman. But I'm still in? Yeah, you still. We've got on a weird tadge early.

Let's get out of this. If I had 16 groomsmen, you'd be in, bud. That's what I'd say to my friends. If I had the 16 to choose from. All right, guys, this is a show where we choose the topic. It's not. MySpace has been suggested as a top. We might come back to that.

It's in the hat. We might come back to groomsmen. But this week, one of the reasons why I never want to get married. I don't want to have to pick a grooms party or whatever they're called. I'm stressful. Yeah. Yeah, I'd have to rank my friends. It's going back to the MySpace 8.

Yeah, no good. No good. My mom told me at a very young age that you shouldn't play games like that. Ranking people. Yeah, she's a primary school teacher and apparently she sees it a lot or she did back then like where people would be like, you're my best friend. You're my number two friend. Yeah.

You're my number five friends. I feel like I probably had conversations like that in primary school. you can fuck off. I can't just be number 10? No. It only goes to 9. It goes to 9 and that's it. Fuck off, Stacey.

Yeah. So yeah, I think it is like it's an unnecessary. Matt, we were trying to get out of this conversation and into the actual podcast. Well, the fun thing is that it's only me who suffers. Yeah. Well, I'm suffering right now.

Okay, good point. It's only all of us. You are the one doing a report this week, Matt. best man on the show. Oh, you're my best man on the show. So. Oh, but how do I choose a best man on the show? Yeah, don't.

Oh, God. Well, you can choose a best man and the other one you'd have to marry. Well, that works. Well, today, when I got here, Matt jumped out of his chair and gave me a hug because I have been away for a couple of weeks. So would a husband do that? I'm the best man. I feel like that's husband material.

Oh, thank you. I'm the best man. I'm too best man. You hugged you way out of this problem. Matt, you've got a topic for us this week. I do, yeah. You'll start with a question that you agonised over for 40 minutes before we said the show. This is a topic out of the hat, and I'd never heard of it.

So I don't know how to ask a question that you guys can answer a topic that I'm not sure you would even know. Okay, that's already sounding complicated. So I've made it fairly specific, and you'll either know it or you won't, I'm guessing. Okay. Question is this. Yep. Which Central Asian country's president had the craziest antics? Okay, well, look, the point is that we do not know who you're speaking in that.

So you can just tell us who it is. I want to say, the biggest central country I know is Kazakhstan. Central Asia. Central Asia, Kazakhstan. Yeah, that's what I mean, I didn't, so I was thinking, so Middle Eastern Central Asia is the same thing. Is that right? Or is that not the Middle East? Well, the Middle East is part of Asia, but then some part of it is part of Europe, like Turkey, is both Asia and Europe.

Oh my God, my brain is exploding. There is a small border between Kazakhstan and this country, Turkmenistan. That's Turkmenistan. Oh, I understand. And, all right, rephrate, do the question one more time. So we're talking about their president. Which Central Asian country's president had the craziest antics? Well, on what scale are you recording these antics?

I've gone through them all, all the presidents of all the Central Asian countries. I'm very excited. This is so exciting. Like, real crazy? Because you have to be real crazy to take the cake. This is going to be a fun story. No, yeah, it's true. I've definitely set the standard high because, I mean, if you're thinking super crazy, it's not super crazy.

I'd say maybe quirky. Quirky. And the other thing is like, he's like he was kind of a full-on. guy as well in parts. So it's like, well, let's laugh of these funny things he did, but also just remembering that he,

like, people suffer because of this guy. Yeah, most dictators do some pretty bad stuff to stay in power. Okay. So would we have heard of his name? What's his name? His name. Oh, no, you're going to say it.

It's Super Marat Nyazzov. Okay. So his name is Supermarat Nyazzov. I love it. And he's the president of Turkmenistan. Ah, he was. So. Oh.

Some might happen to Superme a cat. Turkmenistan. And, yeah, so at a guess, when do you reckon his sort of ruling time? 96 to 2001. I reckon, that took in, yeah, that was it plus a few more years. Yay! You were like, you, yes, crazy, well done. So was it 90s?

90s into the naughties. Oh, wow. So we were alive when this guy was in, I've never heard of it. Yeah, I know, that's what I was saying. I'm thinking too. Oh, I should mention that the suggestion came in by someone whose Twitter name is Venobli and with the Twitter handle at Rewan Turtle, which is kind of cool. Thank you, Rewind Turtle.

Great suggestion. I honestly never heard of this guy. She actually, the request that went into the hat, it was a big piece of paper was former Turkmenistan president Super Marat Nyazov and his crazy antics. Oh, wow. Is that what this episode is going to be called? That's what this episode is probably going to be called. Former Turkmenasani president, Supermarat in the house off, and it's crazy antics.

I'd like to know how she knows about him. Yeah, well, I guess she's just, you know, better read, more culture than us. Spent more time in Central Asia. Yeah. Knows where Central Asia is. Oh, boy. I'm going to probably edit some of that out to make Jess and I sound less dumb, but... Good luck.

It will start this conversation and be the first sentence of the podcast. So, Nyazov was born on Feb, 19th, 1940 in Kipchak, in the Turkmen Soviet Socialist Republic in the USSR. So back then, they were part of the big Soviet Union. Great, 1940. Yep. Which is what, during the Second World War. It's not a great time for the Union. Not a great time.

Although, I mean... It's what they called the World War. I mean, they did win it, though. Yeah, but five years later, it took a long time. Yeah, it took a while. There was some tough times there. Lost millions of people. Correct.

So I was reading through his entry on one of my favorite online sources, the Britannica. Oh, trusted. Well trusted. And it talked a bit about his younger years, saying that when he was young, his father, who was a teacher, was killed while serving in the Red Army in World War II. Oh, see, I told you it was a bad time. It was a bad time, yeah.

So obviously, before he was five, I guess. Yeah. His mother and two brothers died in an earthquake in 1948. So with no immediate family left, he grew up in a state-run orphanage. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. And he grew up to lead the country, okay. There is sort of a bit of an asterisk about a lot of his early history, because he became known a bit to,

he kind of had a history of rewriting history. A lot of dictators do that. Yeah, so... It's called like cult. Cult of personality. Cult of personality. Yeah, this guy is like the... He's like the poster boy for the cult of personality.

Oh, really? Yeah, one of them. But he, um, so there is some dispute over these things, but I mean, that was straight off Britannica. And I, that's what I was saying. I trust him. I trust him. Dr. Britannica. Yeah, the duck.

I always trust what the doc says. In 1967, so, you know, a few years later, he... He graduated from the Lennon-Grad Polytechnic Institute with a degree in engineering and returned to the Turkmen SSR to work at a power plant in Bezmain near Ashkabat. Cool. I'm not laughing at the names of these places. I'm laughing at your face. My attempts. Yeah.

That's good. So he's 27. He's got an engineering degree. He's working at a power plant. Good on him. I salute you. Soon after this, he's not. He went to work full-time for the Communist Party,

where he climbed the ranks there, and in 1980 he was appointed the head of the Ashgabat City Party Committee. And then five years after that, he was selected by Mikhail Gorbachev to head the Turkmen Republic Communist Party and carry out a clean-up campaign against corruption and mismanagement. So this is still under the USSR, and which Mikhail Gorbachev was...

Top dog. Top dog. So he was sort of like a bit of a puppet leader for the USSR state. I can't read my bloody writing. It's not handwriting. It's a little joke there, Dave. Jesus, Dan. How long have you been doing comedy?

Dick Hand. I retire. In January... On top. In January 1990, Nyazov was elected chairman of the Republican Supreme Soviet. It's a good gig? Yeah, that sounds well paid. 1990, what a good year that was.

For everybody. And then when the post of executive president was created in October 1990, Niazov received 98.3% of the vote. With a 1.7% margin of error. Yeah. That's kind of, that was these early years up until, I mean, that's, I've really skipped through quite a few years there. Five decades of his life. Bang, bang, bang.

Great. So now he's the top dog of just Turkmenistan. Yeah, which is still part of the USSR. Okay. But like I say, some of those early facts especially have been disputed by some people. Some people, I read somewhere that there is theories that his dad actually, um, was, the didn't, uh,

was a ghost. Didn't go to the, didn't go to war and was punished. Like it was as a coward sort of thing. Oh. But, you know, that, I mean,

it's hard to know. From both sides, they're sort of, I honestly thought you might as say that he, he claimed that there was rumour that his dad was God. That was an immaculate conception. Yeah. Well,

I mean, that's the kind of thing this guy's about to claim. Oh, he never quite goes that far, but he, you know, he gets, he tiptoes around that sort of,

area. In August 1991, there was a failed coup against the Soviet president, Gorbachev. We remember that. Where were you? Where were you? You were bloody just being... We were one. Oh, yeah, you were one.

Oh, you were... That's why I just said 90 was a good year because both of us were born. Yeah, you missed that. I don't know, it's weird that I do. I mean, you bang on about it every time we talk. It was a weird thing to be proud of. I know. Every time you mentioned the year in 1990, I'm like, oh my God.

We're the only two people born in that year. I'm connected to that year. Talk about an immaculate conception. Only two people born in the whole year. So in 1999, there was a failed coup against Gorbachev. Nyazov, I'm pronouncing that story from every time. Sorry about that. Nyazov supported the coup.

Oh. Controversial. The coup failed after only a couple of days. Oh, two-day coup. It's the name of our band. Two-day coup. That's not bad. Jess Perkinson to the two-day-tah.

Two-day-Cud-day-ta. Oh, man. Two-day-Cud-Dat. That broke my brain. I don't have a very... Hashtag, coup-2-day-tta-ta-ta. Hashtag, shut up, I can do this. Hashtag...

Two-day-co-day-ta. That's so good. If anyone is able to put that into a hashtag, I will give them. Hashtag, too-day-day-co-a-tack. bonus points in our new point system i also think there was a hashtag in there that was hashtag shut up i can do this he did say that he did say that can do this i may communicate and hashtag we've um so after the the coup failed uh our man niazov started moving towards bringing independence to turkmenistan i see like well if i can't take over everything i'll just do my

own little bit yeah i think he was sort of like well i don't like how it's going i there so we'll either fix it and all do it together or going it alone i guess i mean that's my reading of it so all of a sudden now he's leading uh his own independent state because he's still the leader and so was it hard for him to break away or as he suddenly decided i think it i yessr was starting to yeah they're in trouble becoming pretty fragile and it was falling apart so i think it was it was pretty easy to do it so they just make they're cutting i wouldn't even It was only a couple months later after the failed coup that they were independent, so it happened pretty quickly. It was only a couple months after the two-day coup?

Yeah, the two-day coup. Two-day coup data. Oh, man, that's so satisfying. But it also makes them a brain ache. Later in that year, 91, his government granted the free use of water, gas and electricity and refined salt to the people of Turkmenistan. Free. Salt? 10 years.

That's my kind of government. I also love that he's put a 10-year thing on it, so you would just start stockpiling, because you know there's a date where you have to start paying for salt. And salt does not go off. When it expired, he extended it to 2020. And I believe that might have been extended again to 2030. So you'd feel a bit embarrassed if you had two tons of salt in the back shed. Fuck.

I really thought it was going to stop. Now we look like idiots. Now I can't sell this to anyone because they'll get ever free. What you need in a... in a desert country, salt. Salt. I love salt. I need someone to really make me thirsty for water.

I love salt. Big fan of salt. When I was a kid, I used to just hide in the pantry and lick the salt shakers. Really? Yeah, and then mum would be like, why is the salt shaker wet? So then I would just put it into my hand and eat out. Before that, you were just licking the actual salt shaker. The end of the shaker.

So good. I love salt. Yeah, right. That's a full on. That's a, that feels like a, an advanced palette for a child. I was all about sugar as a kid. Oh yeah.

Give me the sweetness. A spoon full of sugar. The sugar dispenser, I was looking at it in the country. Although I wasn't from the affluence. We couldn't hide in our pantry. Ours was just a cupboard. Couldn't get in there. The bloody shelves were in the way.

And the home brand cans. It's all we had. Home brand cans and sugar. Talking about a third world country, and I'm complaining. about my. Hey, well, that third world country has free salt. That's true.

They're doing okay. So, yeah, there were a couple of things I'm like, oh, that makes him sound like he wasn't okay for you. My parents paid for the salt I used to leak. Is it gas, electricity and salt? Is that what you said for free? Water, gas, electricity and refined salt. All right, that's pretty good.

Man, I'd be, I imagine if you had a salt pool. What a combo. Another early active... Because of the water. Yeah. Oh, very good. It's not full of gas. Though if you did that, that'd be pretty cool.

It is sometimes if you get in the pool after having Mexico. Do they have free Mexican Piped in? Imagine how happy you would have been if you had a gas-heated salt water outdoor pool. Oh my God. It would have been such a good day.

That had lights in it. Yeah. And then you got like a pie warm on the side, electricity powered, of course. Fuck, this guy sounds like... I like it. Look, I don't want to predict... I don't want to predict...

You're probably about to tell us that he shot people up against a wall and stuff like that. But before that, he sounded like, good guy. Free salt, you got Jess's vote. Honestly, I don't, I don't probably don't go into enough how bad he was. Right, we just look at the antics.

That wasn't the question. Yeah, the question, they wanted antics. They didn't want reality. They all wanted antics and free salt. Apparently, it was, yeah, in the prisons was not a good place to be. And you might go there for trumped up charges if you were seen to oppose him in any way. Did they not get the salt in prison?

No salt in prison. hashtag no salt in prison That's the real prison You don't want to drop the soap Or the salt No because you won't Because it's pretty competitive Someone else is going to grab it

Oh that'd be the worst Some people would scrapping around the salt They don't even need like a physical prison They just cut off your salt ration And you feel like you're in prison Oh that's prison enough And that was and that was also Yeah because I was saying

It was pretty full on torture in there And so that so No salt I imagine There were some sad stories I read about people opponents getting thrown in jail and then being dead within a year just from unexplained circumstances.

But what we're looking at is the crazy antics. It makes it harder to laugh at him, right? When you're like... Yeah, let's not look at that. I hate reality. Another early act of the new president was to abolish the death penalty.

He also granted official human rights to the people. Sorry. That goes against what you just said. Though they were not respected in practice with his government being criticised as one of the world's worst human rights violators in the world. But he officially gave him to him to.

I'm officially giving human rights. That's weird. Will not be enforced. God, no. And you will not be having self. But I got you this certificate. And it's got some sweet clip art on it. Oh.

Made that myself. Wait, that took me 10 minutes. Yeah, I'm a man in my 50s. It's pretty good. There's a homemade video of him on YouTube. greeting people onto a plane, just going around shaking people's hands and stuff. What's he used to saying,

hello, welcome to the plane. Welcome to the plane. Great to have you here on the plane. Welcome to the plane. You want some salt on those nuts? I carry a shaker. Welcome to the plane. Don't offer me salt, Mr. President.

I'm going to come out my bloody ears. That's it. You go on a present for a year. Ah, no one. Thank you for the salt. In 1992 at the nation's first presidential election, Niazav was elected with 99.5% of the vote.

Wow, he's gone up. He's really popular. He was the only candidate. What? What? He's the only candidate. I won. Oh, you want me?

Yes, I did. Oh, oh, I couldn't. Oh, my goodness. It's all right. But I love that still, even though he was the only one who put, who was allowed to be out for it. There's one box to check

and some people still stuff. that up. Invalid collected. 0.5% of the vote. Which I think was a great effort by them. That's great. The following, actually,

it said against and invalid. So some people were allowed to tick against, which I imagine was a balsy move. You'd have to really believe that no one was... Yeah, you'd tick against, and then you'd hand it in. They'd say, you'd probably want to rethink that choice.

Oh, oh, yes. No, they'd nod to the go out the door, and as they were leaving, they'd... Hand you some more salt? Hand you some more salt. Yeah. No, take away your salt.

Oh. Salt. Hey, if we got salt taken away from us for donkey votes, I'd be leading a very salty, saltless life. Have you really donkey voted? No. Oh, you don't have to disclose that. That's a very personal question, Dave.

The following year, 1999... What do you want next? My bra size? You pervert. Is that what you want, Dave? Is that where this is going? One or the other, I'll take what I can guess. Answer the donkey

Brod question Are you give me your bra size Come on Two options 99.5% of the people Or choose the same one Yeah And I imagine

It is 99.5 A voted brass size So 99.95 Nyazov declared himself Turcan Barshi

Turcum Barshi Oh Turkumbashi That's a good title Is that actually it Or The following year Nyazov

Decled himself Turcan Barashi Um That one's a hard one because it's got a couple of, a couple of them, um, uh, um,

um, is that how it's pronounced? Um, is that like his title. I'm, I'm the Turk and Bashi. Yeah. Well,

and that's pretty much what he, he was known as from then. And that pretty much meant something like great leader of all Turkmen. What a guy. Can I ask you, what sort of facial hair is this guy? Oh my God. Can we guess?

Yes. I am thinking. Strong mustache is what I think. No, I do know. Strong mustache is what I think. Yeah. Definitely strong mustache.

but I think there's a beard. Oh, that's very interesting. You make me want to jump forward to one of the fun facts. Oh, okay, no, you don't have to do it. No, no, it's okay, yeah, you can hold off. No, no, we'll get there. I'm excited to this. All right.

A bit of sizzle, bit of sizzle. Bit of a bead-based sizzle. Mmm. Why did they make that notice? Well, that sizzle is quite salty. Mm-hmm. Oh, Mama. Mama likes a beard.

I do like facial hair. Do you? Mm-hmm. That's where you're the best man. You're the husband. Look at that beard. In 1999... Crawl up and live in that beard.

It's the beard of a Turkumbarti. I've ever seen one. No, no. Matt's got a beard. In 1999, the parliament declared Niazov, President for Life. This guy's the best. President for Life, but Turkumbashi sometimes?

Okay, so you didn't have... He's not being, you mean, was he getting called present for life? That was just to say, you got their job as long as you want it, mate. Because that's what you told us to say. And is he like, again, me? Yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Okay.

Well, for life, all right. That seems like a big commitment. But if you love me that much. Me? Imagine that the ceremony acts like that. And everyone else at the building's like, you bastard. You organise this. If I said something, you'd take me out the back and shoot me.

Like winning an award? Like, oh my God, he's doing that every time. Oh, my God. I did not prepare a speech. Rolls out like 30-page scroll. He still writes not a scroll. Yeah, that's... He'll like me.

He's a Turkumbashi, please. Good point. I think you're totally around the right mark there. He was... He saw himself as being a very good speaker, very good writer. He did. Which brings me to the next thing. That's why he said of welcoming people on a plane.

Hello, welcome to a plane. Shit, I forgot the... I've got the... Damn it. As president... Burn this plane. I don't want to... Get rid of all evidence of me missing the word.

Set fire to it. Set fire to the plane. So do we... Said fire to plane. Shit, you're going to have to set fire to yourself as well. Do we evacuate the people? I said, said fire to plane. There's no time for that.

No time. Fire, plane, now. Sorry, Matt, you were about to say, he considers himself a great what speaker and writer actually leads to what. So as president, he took on the task of strengthening Turkmenistan's independence and national character, right? Their identity. Which we all know quite well.

Well, that's the thing. He saw it because... They were under the Soviet rule for so long that he thought they'd lost a lot of their own... What identity? Identity, right? So he wrote a book called Ruknamar, which is a collection of his thoughts on Turkmen. identity, history and destiny. It is a semi-autobiographical and includes moral guidance,

the stories, and poetry. Poetry. I love the word semi. He's admitted that this is embellished. Is that right? Well, I don't think he described it as semi-Oratory. I think that was thrown in by people's... Because apparently, it's a lot of revisionist history in there.

Poetry, that's great. He's a poet. I love that. You love poetry and beards. What a combo. Give me a beady poet any day. Oh. He had a...

No, don't. Please don't. Please don't. Big salty beard. They all are in the end, are they? You don't have a really strict shampoo and conditioning regime. Do you shampoo your beard? Oh, yeah.

My word, you must. Oh, my word. Because I've got no idea if you have... Otherwise, you're just like you're not washing part of you. Do you leave a big chunk of your face unwashed? Yeah, but I don't shampoo my face. I don't shampoo my face. I don't shampoo my face.

eyebrows in there so you'd think I'd just put so body soap on it no I just thought you might rinse it rinse it okay wouldn't that make it kind of oily I don't know because with your hair you shampoo that every few days but with your beard do you do that every few days as well yeah no it's a similar thing you know you wouldn't want to do it too much some of those some of those natural oils are good do you both the hair on the head and and on the face do you do at the same time is what I mean no I I'm a one-on-one off oh But I don't know what that means.

I'm not that at all. Okay. Conditioner? Do you put conditioner in? Oh, you must. You must. You must. Oh, you must.

Oh, my word, you must. Is this included in the Turkambashi's manuscript? It's all in the book. No, that is not in the book. So he doesn't have a beard? He does not. He's fully clean shaven. Yeah, I know.

You would picture some sort of a... Like some sort of sweet. I think I'm just picturing Stalin. I'm also thinking of it. Well, he's moving on from Stalin, I think, and them bad boys, them other bad boys. He's totally different from those other guys. I guess is how he justifies everything he does.

I'm making things better. I'm going to beard. So, anyway, so this book, he wrote this book, right? What's it called? The Rook Nama. I care about beard Nama. Beard Nama. I think you will like this book, Jess, after I read this next sentence.

Okay. A large mechanical. The mechanical statue version of the book was erected in Ashgabat that opened Knightley, along with a light and sound show featuring a passage of the book being read. Maya Christmas windows of his book. You're right, man. I do like this book now. What do you mean? A giant mechanical version of the book?

Yeah, that doesn't make sense. I know. I'm imagining a mechanical bull. Like, people can ride the book. It's just, it's a big, it's just a huge book. I mean, I could find, I've watched a video all. Oh, fucking, we'll tweet that. That is fantastic.

And it just slowly opens up. It's got his picture on the front. And then there's one side of it's got, it looks like his handwriting. And then the other side has like a video projected onto it. Oh, my God, it's so great. And it's, this is in our lifetime. Yeah. This is not that long ago.

This decade, this century. Maybe when you were over visiting Disneyland, you should have probably turned left when you turned right there. Should have seen the Ashkenet mechanical book. haven't we all seen the mechanical book? Yeah, it's way about than Space Mountain. So every night at 8 o'clock, the... Prime time. For the lasers.

The laser show. Had the book well in advance. Fireworks. Gold class tickets. But yeah, so he really thought that this book was going to help the people. He was showing them who they really were. He was putting a mirror up to the society. Putting a mirror up as well as his own face.

Yeah. This is what you look like. it isn't. He was putting a mirror up to his face. Yeah, I like what I see. Yeah, this has got legs. No beard, but it's got legs. School children would talk passages at school, obviously.

Oh. But one full day of the week was dedicated to the book. You're fucking kidding. One full day. That's what you did for the six hours. One fifth of the week, yeah. And you also needed to be familiar with it to get your driver's license as it formed part of the test.

That makes no sense. It makes no sense. Turn left at the roundabout. What's your favourite passage? Fail. That's amazing. In the early 2000s, he built Central Asia's largest mosque.

It held up to 25,000 prayer people. What do you call them? Worshippers. 25,000 people inside one building. Yeah, one church. And it was called the spirit. Sorry, no, no, no. Prayer people.

Potentially. Very wrong. Welcome prayer people. Yeah. I reckon that's a direct translation. Very quote. What do you reckon he called this place? Prayer Palace.

Spirit of Turkmenbashi. Turkmenbashi, which is him. He is the Turkmenbashi. I love him. At a reported cost of more than $120 million. Yeah, that's about right. Oh, my God. That's all right?

Yeah, sorry. They haven't been ripped off. Good deal. They did well. Bargain. Absolutely. Bargain. Mates rights.

Of this mosque, the external walls feature passages from the Quran, obviously. Oh, predictable. And also some of his favourite passages from his own book. From the Ruknamah. Yeah, from the Rukhna. That other holy text that we all know. I love him. I don't know why I didn't realize that you would.

For some reason, yeah, I thought he's, yeah. You thought I was going to hate him? I did, but yeah. Of course you'd love him. I think... It's very funny for us, but if this was your life, it would be pretty awful. Oh, he's awful, and I can totally see where this is going, and he's going to be a horrendous person. But right now, this is hilarious, because he's like a cartoon character.

It's very funny that he's obviously taking this very seriously. This is not a joke to him at all. He thinks he's a god. Yeah. He thinks he's the Taken Bashi. Yeah. When the Imam of Turkmenistan... He refused to preach the Rukhnaama in the mosque.

He was sentenced to 22 years jail. No, again, that's about right. Not just fired. 22 years. And this is like a top Muslim cleric. Yeah, very high up in the church. It's like putting the Pope in prison. Yeah, basically.

I'm like, oh, because you won't give a shout out to your little poem every week. Your little poem. Your little riddles. Hey, I don't want to jump ahead here, but isn't he? I'm dead. Because I'm just a bit worried that he's obviously a very powerful man in this way. I don't want to. We're putting out a lot of...

And we've already got the curse of the pharaoh. Luckily, Dave, he pretty much cut the internet out from... Oh, cool, cool. So he's not hearing it. Yeah, yeah. Something like, I think the percentage was like less than 10% actively. use the internet. Right, good.

And the only, they close down any internet providers outside of the state run-ons. He also closed down all internet cafes. Hey, but you know what? Oh. I bet they do a lot more communicating. That's right. So who's the real winners? So, you know, they sit down at the do-a-table at night and they talk.

No one's going to get off the damn tablet device, young man. Hey, hey, no phones at the table. And they're like, sorry, this is actually a tablet and it's a rock with the Ruk-Nama inscribed into it. Thank you very much. Paid for them. Oh, well, then please, read aloud to the whole family. And keep eating your salt.

I enjoy imagining him closing down the internet cafes and then sending his secret police in there and they're like, this is closed and they're like, oh, we could just cut the internet. No, close the cafe as well. You blew your chance. We're burning this down. This cafe.

Oh, we can just serve coffees. No, you're done. I like that you assume all internet cafes also act as cafes. I think internet cafe is just a term for a place that has internet. I'm sorry, Jess. Have you seen the word written down, internet followed by cafe? Yeah.

Am I the fool for assuming that I could order a flat white whilst cruising yahoo.com? Yeah. Oh, fuck. I bet you still use fucking ask Jeeves. If I was the tuck-in-bache, I would set fire to you, right? 24 years jail. I think setting fire is my favourite threat. I reckon Dave's a Bing man.

I've heard him say before. Bing? Let me just bing it. Let me just bing. I'm just going to bing it. How to set fire to Jess. Oh, hang on. Bing.

He also closed down all libraries outside of the capital. Oh, what, did he close down the cafeteria is associated with the library or just the books? You're a dickhead. You can't get a sandwich in a library. I'm sorry for assuming you had good service. Half of you. No food near the books. Oh, I just wanted a ham.

I just wanted a ham. I love a ham. He's got a whole leg of ham. Is that what? I just keep imagining what it would have been like growing up in the Athl and East. Your libraries just have full ham. We had so much ham. My mom is a retired, like, professional librarian.

That was her job. You should know a lot more about libraries. She was also a pig lady. She does not. She doesn't. What does that fucking mean? She dealt with all the hams. Yeah, she loves a ham.

No, my mom doesn't eat ham or bacon. That didn't be all right calling your mum a pig lady. Anyway, do go on. So he closed the libraries outside the capital. Yeah, so I guess it's like he really was controlling the capital. So I guess outside of that, he just wanted to close him down. Because he thought there's only two books that need to be read, no need for a library. Quran, Rooknama.

That's all you need. This one's pretty good if you didn't think those other ones were. No, I hated him. I hated imagine Dave in the library with a leg of ham. Did you want a hand? So you, I mean, you guys are on board with the rules. Rook Nama right. Absolutely.

And it should be celebrated in any way possible. One of the two best texts in the library. Well, our man, the Prez, he took the month of September and renamed it Ruknamar. Is that a lie? You're making that up? Also, how did he decide which month? Because he finished writing it in September 2001. 2001?

Yeah. I'm applauding him. This is recent. Yeah. That's what I'm making. It's so recent. This is so recent. Wait, what?

He wrote... Oh my God. He renamed September, Ruknamar. January, February, Fj. April, May, June, July, August, September, Rooknama, November. 30 days with Rooknama. April June. He's got rid of the wrong one.

You fucked it. Did I? What did I? What did I? You said, September, Rooknama. I did I? Yes. In my defence, I'm jet lagged.

18 years jail. Wait, where have you? You've come from a one hour different. I came from Brisbane. Is that one hour different? No, it's not even anymore. Same time zone. In the summer months it is, Dave.

Don't look at me like that. I had to watch a film in a comfy chair. What was the film? I watched Kingsman. Should have been the Rook Nama. Should have read the Rook Nama. The stage musical. Did I really say September?

September. Rook Nama. October. But you said it with such joy. I was entirely willing to let that slide right. It was coming up and I got to August. I was like, here we go. That makes that even sillier. When's your birthday?

Rooknama 18th. Happy birthday. September, Rooknama. That was probably the best of the points about the Rukhnauma. But this one's also pretty good. This final one I got about the Rukhnalma. now. In 2006, he made reading the Rukhnamar a requirement for entry into heaven. Apparently, he made a deal with God.

Yeah. Oh, so this is at the gates. Yeah, he made a deal with God saying, if I get him to read it three times, you're going to give them entry? And God's like, yeah. Was there a fair deal? Three times, if you read it three times, you're in. What about the billions of people already in heaven? Do they get kicked out if they have to get a copy? I don't know. He didn't go into that part of the conversation. Yeah, is there like a cutoff date? Like, as of January 1, 2008, when you die. But, okay, but you're saying they also have to study it at schools.

Yeah, but they've already read it. They're not sitting there reading it. Cover to cover. You've got to cover three times. Oh, you didn't make that three times up. No, no, I read that. So I read those facts in two separate places. How would God know? What if you'd miss? So a test.

Oh, God knows. What if you skim read and you missed one sentence of the three times? Is that it? But how do you miss the same sentence three times? No, you miss it once, but you just haven't completed the book, technically, three times. Miss it once, shame on you. Shame on you. Was it twice.

You're not going to heaven, mate. Miss it three times. Why'd you bother the third time? Don't, don't. Just don't. What about if... Rooknama to you, sir. A good moral to thee on this Ruknama day.

And that's the news. This Rooknama the ninth, 2015. September Rooknama. Cool. So that's the Rooknamar. Probably one of my favorite things about this whole story. Here's some less good things. In 2004, 15,000 public health workers were sacked. 15,000.

This country's got a population of 5 million. Oh, you can spare 15,000 jobs. And then in 2005, all hospitals outside of Ascabat were shut down. What the fuck? And that was because he believed that the six should be. be treated in the capital. Oh. He's actually bad shit crazy.

Yeah. I still love him though. This one is one of the more like the just weird quirky guy things. Here we go. Turkmenistan physicians were ordered to swear an oath to the president rather than the Hippocratic oath. You know, the classic. Because he is the governing body of everything.

Well, yeah, the thing that's saying we're going to definitely look after the patient. you'd know the Hippocratic oath wouldn't you Dave? Well, word by word for word Yeah, you know it, don't you? Bavitum. I swear to, I swear to all mighty God to Oh, the podcast cut out there, guys, sorry about that one, never get back back.

Well, you nailed it though. I was surprised. Thank you, Dave. That was actually really moving. Thank you. I promised to do no harm. That's in summary, in summary. He did, yeah, he...

I won't slice and dice unless I hafta. That's the oath. Is that the O? You pledged that to Niascov. Yeah. Niaska, his name is... If I cut you open, I won't... Is his name not Niaz?

He was Niazov? In 2006, a third of the country's elderly had their pensions cut entirely. This is so recent. Oh my God. A third. And another 200,000 had theirs reduced. Pensions received during the two years prior were ordered to be paid back. What?

He reversed it. It's like... Jokes. You can have it. No, no. He... he no no there was no reverse he said i'm taking it you're not you're not getting it anymore and pay back the last two years i've paid you oh you need to give it for me i thought it was the other way

around he was like oh fucked up whoops you can have it no you have to pay us back you're saying that stuff the money that you may have been living on for the last two years every cent you've spent in the last two years give it back there's so much money and i'm poor and if i had to give back the amount of money i mean you're on a pension because you are poor right so that would be imagined oh oh I don't have any facts to back this up, of course. I'm only imagining that people are on a pension because they need it. Elderly people.

Ah, I just go get a job. Our economy's not that good in terms of work and stuff. And I used to be a nurse, but now there aren't any hospitals. Yeah, anyway, moving along. I love this guy still. He hasn't lost me yet. I reckon there's some good at him. You might like some of this stuff, as well as renaming September after his book.

He also renamed... It's like I'm calling it Harry Potter. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Escobar. August, Harry Potter is in Prisoner of Escobar. The book, I think it translates to something like something of the soul, like Book of the Soul or something like that. But it just is a weird. But that wasn't the only month you renamed.

He renamed all of them and all the days of the week as well. Oh my God. Can you give any examples? Are they all Rognama? No. That would be very confusing. Rognama, Rognama. He changed.

19 Rooknama He also changed all numbers And words To Rooknama Rooknama Rook Nama Rook Nama He changed His wife's name to Rooknama

But No I will not let you finish this sentence So the I know I will not let you finish this Ruk Nama He changed Sorry Matt Do Rook Nama New title

New title of the show Hashtag Duroknamar. He changed January. Obviously, also, I mean, September wasn't called September. They had a different word for it. Seng, you know, I'm just saying to... Sure. Mainly so I can pronounce him and you know what I'm talking about.

He changed January to Turkmenbashi, which is his name. So January became just his name. Great. He changed... Some of them were like... Like, he changed February to the word for flag. Sure. And that was,

and his birthday was also in, in flag month. I thought he was going to be January because he made, this is a leap flag. He made, he made a day in Feb called the Turkmenistan Flag Day

and that was celebrated on his birthday. Up himself. He changed April to Gerben Salton, which was his mother's name. Gerben Salton. It sounds like a nurturing lady. Sounds like he loves salt. Who doesn't?

This country's salt crazy. He changed Monday to Sunday. What? He changed the names of all those days. Sorry not the... You thought they changed. He's like, all right, Monday will now be called Sunday. And then his advice is like, sorry, what, do you find this?

Fusing, do you want to spend 22 years in jail? No, Monday's now Sunday. Rognaman to you. Rognaman, Rognom, Rukhna, ma. What do you reckon a good name for Mondays? Not Sunday. Buddy Garfield. First day.

Make some sense. First day. The word was Bassoon or something like that. It means first day. Tuesday, young day. Wednesday, favorable day. Thursday, Justice Day. Friday, Mother Day.

Saturday Spirit Day. Sunday rest day. So a few of those are classic religion things. Well, rest day. Mother Day. Spirit Day is, you know, Sabbath, I guess. Mother Day, I'm not sure. Just everybody hug your mum. I like the old name for Saturday was, or for Friday was Anna.

Does that that one sit there? I wanted to see how long we could be quiet for. Apparently there's a, I don't get this, but apparently there's a sales technique. Like you might come across this. Salesmen believe, or they're taught that the first, if you're in a some sort of one of those high, pressure sales sort of situation, you want a client, potential client. If you leave a science, whoever, if they speak before you, you've got the sale. Basically, they believe that that means you've got them.

Even if they interrupt with, this isn't going well, I believe you. Could you get out of my house? That price is ridiculous and why aren't you wearing pants? You spoke first, I've got you contractually obligated to sign this deal. Yeah, no, it does seem weird. Also, can I borrow some pants? Rooknama to you. I have no money.

Rooknummer. This is my son Ruknama. So, as I said, he changed April to Gervyn Sultan, which is... Salt? He's a mother's name. You know what else he changed the word to Gurbán Sultan? Mother? Bread.

Could you cut me off a bit of Guban Sultan or the president's mum's name? So weird. That's weird. The word for bread. What would you know? name, what would you name after your mum? Oh, what if I had to? Yeah.

I don't know, something small. Yeah. Well, maybe, maybe. Like a type of flour or something? Yeah, maybe, oh, that's nice. Maybe she really liked bread. Maybe it was like a nice tribute. That is probably what it is.

But it's so, like. What is your mom like? And you reckon the people? Me. She's like, my mom likes me. I'm named myself Annie. Five million people going, yeah, we're going to call bread your mom. Okay, mate.

And how is he announcing these things? And how do you find out each day? Also, he's got three state TV stations. Great. Rooknaman, everybody. Just a couple more notes. What the news repreader just brings out a loaf of like a bag get and goes, this is now Gorbeth Sultan.

Any questions? I can't hear you. Thank you. Good night, Ruknaman. Back to the news. See you tomorrow night for more of this bat-shit crazy. I mean, this is Ruknama. The news reporter is just like,

I can't believe what it comes up on the teleprom. every night. It's just insane. I went to Rooknama school for this. It's like, which good Rook Nama or a bad Rooknama? They're all the same. I can't tell the difference at him all. Ruknama.

I don't think this fact probably won't surprise. He had heaps and heaps of statues made in his likeness and portraits just plastered around everywhere. Made out of gold, usually. Including one, right in the same. center of Ashgabat, which was set to rotate so that it always faced the sun.

Wow. Even when the sun was not there. Yeah, I think it just fell to the top of it. It just fell over and the next, the sun came out and went, whoo- Big morning glory. It rotated to face the sun.

So that's where morning glory came from. But then he renamed Morning Glory to Rooknama. Rukkah. Got my bloody morning-Rukkahmoy. Now, he changed it to his mum's name. He definitely can't hear this podcast, can he? No. Well, I mean, unless he read the book Nama three times.

Oh, alluding to something there. He did. He definitely read it. You'd read it, but didn't read it. I didn't have time. I did not have time to read that back. It's not, honestly, it's not a bit, it's not like a spoiler any. He just died as a heart attack.

Yeah, he was born in 1914. Oh, he's still, he around. Good bit. He wrote the National Anthem, which referenced... He wrote. Well, he had it written. He wrote, and he was tone deaf. And it referenced Turkmen Bashi several times.

It also referred to... Well, it's nothing else rhymes with Turkman Bashie. So once you get into that, you're stuck in that loop. And my favourite guy is Turkman Bashie. And his favorite guy is also Turkman Bashie. I drive a car It's what he doing himself It's a Turkman Bashi car

Rognama to you Rooknama to you He sang it three once and was like great Publish that Nailed it Get the state Simprenomered it Fucking Rooknambed it

Dozens of streets and schools Across the country Had their names changed to Turkmenbashi Obviously It's confusing Very confusing Especially if several streets Are called the same thing

Can you meet me Atchman Bashi and Turkmenbashi? Which one? Which one? The one across from the Rookmana place. The one across from the gold statue facing the sun. Oh.

Which one? In 1998, a 670-pound meteorite landed in Turkmenistan. Oh, I bet he thought saw that as a sign of God. What do you reckon they named it? Did he call it the Turkmenbashi? Was it great? Turgman-Bashy. Oh.

I was pretty sure it was Greg. The name... I'll just call it Greg and everyone's like, what? He's like, just kidding, Turkmenbashi. What are you a fuckhead? Come on. The name of the port city Krasnovovchk was changed to Turkmenbashi. Well, it's easy for me to pronounce.

The image of Turkmenbashi's face was used as the logo of all three state-run TV stations. So we all have the same logo. And was legally required to peer on every clock and watch face, as well as on every bottle of Turkmenbashi brand vodka. Is he said vodka? When I go out on the town, I like to drink Turkman Bashi. It goes well with the Gurkens salt bread. The salt bits free.

Every watch, though. So every watch. Every watch has his face. Has to. Holy shit. Otherwise, jail. The Magtam Guli International Prize is an award given by Turkmenistan to those who help achieve the aim of Magtemgoorlie, who was an 18th century poet who wanted to establish an independent Turkmenistan. In 2003, Niazov won this award for his books.

This was awarded by Turkmenbash. He awarded himself. And the winner is? Oh my God, it's me. Oh, my. Do you want me? Okay, okay. You love me.

You really love me. This guy is terrifying. Lee wonderful. It's more corrupt than the Academy Awards. Even more. Can you imagine? But are people on board with him, or are they just like this guy's bad shit? Publicly, they're on board with him.

Really? Probably terrified. Publicly, because, yeah. Oh, yeah, okay. That brings me to opposition. Oh. After an alleged assassination attempt on November the 25th, 2002, thousands of suspected conspirators and members of their families were arrested.

There is a theory that they staged this so that they could crush any opposition. Oh. Which is fucking, like, just so paranoid and crazy. A couple of years later, in 2004, there was a leaflet campaign in Asgabat, and that was calling for the overthrow and trial of Niazov. of um in 2004 did you say yeah of mag

of uh what's his name took mannbashi I've said it that many times um so what happened so just a leaflet campaign people just chucking leaflets out uh so the president

that'll do it oh god I'm worried the president goes look um fine you got to the end of the week to figure out who did this uh and um

they couldn't they didn't figure it out So he fired his interior minister and the director of the police academy on national television. He fired them out of a cannon. Oh, sorry, I didn't say it. Did I not say the cannon of it?

He fired them at... Rooknobu! But he fired them on TV. Yeah. This guy's crazy. This is making me think of the Hunger Games and the capital. Yeah.

And just the creepy. It is without the beard on the leader. Oh, thanks for reminding me. I know, I know about it. I have not seen it. I've seen all but the last one. Don't tell me. Doesn't know well, I imagine.

I thought everyone would get a good meal to finish off. That's happy ending. That's how the... I haven't seen the movie, but I imagine it doesn't finish with them eating in a night. The disappointment in Jess's face. Oh boy. The hunger games. 22 years, jail.

I deserve that. Yeah, imagine what the open mic seems like in. are going to be great Hagergertrude Tertmendashi Yeah Everyone's great Hey I was reading Rooknama the other day Ever heard of it

So the Yeah the He accused the minister of incompetence And declared I cannot say that you had any great merits Or did much to combat crime That's what he said on the TV Niyazov later announced

That surveillance cameras Would be placed in all at all major streets and sites in Turkmenistan, an apparent precaution against future attempts. At flaring, I guess. He really hates flying. I've written a whole sentence about his death. A whole sentence.

On December 21st, 2006, it was announced on state television that Nyazov had died from a heart attack. Oh, man. I don't reckon he's dead. Nothing will kill the Turkmen bas. When was that, 2006? Yeah, he's not dead.

He's not very old. I don't reckon. No, it's 66. No, he's not dead. Okay. My theory is, my theory is he faked his own death. And he's going to come back and be like, Rukmala, riband.

Guess who's back? Back again. Oh, we're fucked if he does come back. Yeah, we're well fucked. I got all this from the internet. I think that's fine. So this next segment, we're almost done, but it's called Other Decrees slash Fun Facts.

Yes. Well, decrees. Mixed him with fun, some of his crazy antics in the form of decrees. I decree. Amazing. Yep, bring it on. So now, obviously, these fun facts are pretty fun. But the flip side is that while Niazov was able to indulge himself on the back of the world's fifth largest reserves of oil and gas,

it was at the expense of his country's 5 million strong population. Disastrous mismanagement of the economy by his National Democratic Party meant that 35% of the world, population lives in poverty. And although housing is cheap and fuel is all but free, healthcare and education is sparse. That's my, that's my little caveat at the start of the fun facts. So fifth largest oil reserves and they're still not doing well. Well, yeah, it's just, I mean, there's a lot of gold statues though. Well, I mean, you've got to spend your money somehow.

He built a huge man-made lake in, you know, in the desert, which is the whole country. also an ice skating rink with like penguins and stuff. Like he spent the money. He found ways to spend it. Just not on ice skating rink. But then you so casually said like with penguins. Because they all have penguins. I think there was a zoo there with penguins and stuff.

Sure. No, that's fair. Yeah, sorry. I did cut out that. All right. So anyway, yeah, keeping that in mind. So that's the caveat. Here are the fun facts.

Okay. He banned presenters wearing makeup on TV. What? I found a couple of. different reasons why this might have been, or why people said this was. One was because a Turkmen are naturally beautiful enough and they don't need it. Okay, well, p. Yeah, I've seen pictures, that's not true.

And the other, not, I mean, it's just like any society. You've got your beautiful people like us. And you've got everyone else. You've got the everyone else, the scum. The yuckies, I call them. The yuckies. No, no, then don't touch. I don't want to think about that.

Ah. Nut, Nat. And the other one was a bit weirder. It was because he said he couldn't tell the difference between male and female news readers. And that made him feel uncomfortable. And that's why they can't wear makeup? Yeah. I can't tell the difference.

Well, that would help you tell the difference. I feel uncomfortable. Oh, yucky. Oh, yucky. I think I'm going to be sick. I feel sick. I don't know. We're going to tell us you got under the difference.

I can't listen to the newsletalists I don't want to end up The worst Rook Nama ever If only I hadn't changed everyone's name to Ruk Nama I'd know who they were Here's one He'd banished dogs from the capital Because of their unappealing odour

I hate the smell of dogs Get rid of them all Get them out So a lot of them were on the whim of like something I don't like this Get it Get it away Stop it

It makes me feel weird. After having to quit smoking in 1997 due to his heart surgery, he banned smoking in all public places and ordered all government employees to follow suit. Chewing tobacco on Turkmen's soil was later banned as well. In 2000, he ordered that a giant lake be created in the desert along with a huge forest of cedar trees, which he said would help moderate Turkmenistan's climate. He doubles in science as well I understand all science

Hmm You want to change the climate Chuck in a lake A little lake Problem solved Anything for you baby Anyway What was your name again

Manna A woman Are you a man or a woman? I'm confused And I feel sick What genitals do you have Quick Show them to me

Show me your genitals I believe you Goodbye Show me your Ruknamah I'll show you my Rognama Did you have family? Yeah, he had a wife and a couple of kids Are the kids in power now?

Are the kids called Rognama? Oh, thank God He gave power to his dentist Are you fucking kidding? Yeah, the dentist is now the president What do you mean? Well, he was his dentist and now his president I don't know

I didn't read into it enough But yeah, now that you react like that I probably should have dealt deeper The head advisor is My dentist. He always did a good job But now he can leave the country. I hate my...

I haven't been to the dentist for a very long time because I hate the dentist. Wife and kids got nothing. In 2004, he ordered that a giant ice palace, as I was saying before, a giant ice palace be built in the middle of the same desert as the lake. The Karakum,

which is the hottest location in Central Asia. And so they built an ice palace. Yeah. Probably, you know, to help moderate... What happened to the Ice Palace? It moderated the climate. Yeah, it melted into the earth and it moderated the climate. Puddle.

He outlawed opera, ballet and circuses in 2001 for being unturkman-like. Yeah, the stand-up comedy scene, though, I reckon it's booming. This one seems weird. I only found it in one spot. He banned men from listening to car radios. Men. It only said men. For listening to...

And radios are fine, but not in the car. Yes. It's distracting you from the drive. It would have been like he would have been in a car one time And the driver would have been like Slightly distracted or something He's like, that's it Duh, that's it out

No car radius Racing for the dial You're out To encourage physical activity Niazzov installed a 45 kilometre Concrete Pathway Including Staircases In the Copepet Dag Mountains

All government employees Had to walk 37 kilometres Of this path once a year He timed everyone and at the finish line he would let them know if they didn't get there as fast as he thought they should

he flew to the finish line via a helicopter but hang on in that sentence as well I like to imagine that it's not like he's set okay you got 37Ks I'm going to give you this amount of time

it's like you finish Jerry I reckon you could have done better you get to the finish line and he's like oh I finished my steak that takes a while and the way I read it

took too long he was standing there as each person with a stock watch No, no, no. But then he gets back in his helicopter. Yeah. Welcome to the helicopter.

Never walked a meter in his life. Not since the orphanage. In February 2004, he decreed that men should no longer wear long hair or beards. Beards are out. Yes, you would be. Oh, you'd hate it. The beards would make it easy to tell the difference between men and women. Let them wear makeup and let them have facial hair.

The problem that he has. I mean we all have that problem I can't tell Right There was that fact that made me turn Boy Girl Girl

Are you a girl? What are you? Show me your genitals Show me Show me Rognamas That's some good Rooknama Hey nice Rognamas Baby

In 2005 Nyazov banned the use of Lip Sinking At Public Concerts Ha Ha ha ha Nah that one's fair Lipsinky

He saw Britney's Beazering on SNL and he was like, nah. No, that made me feel very uncomfortable. What happened? Nyazov introduced the practice of Melenday. It was a harvest festival celebrated on the second Sunday of August. Sorry, what's the real name of that month? The one before. Alp Asian.

Alparasian. The second day of Alparsen. Melendale. What's Melend day? It was just to celebrate. Of melons. Melon is my favorite fruit. It is, but that is one of the few,

a lot of the things he did didn't kick on after he died. This was one of the few things. They've cut Melan Day. No, Melan Day survive. Oh my God. They still celebrate Melend Day. Everybody liked Melend Day. Here's the last of these decrees and fun facts I've got.

Ford talking a little bit about his successor to finish us off. Gold Teeth were banned. Oh, the dentist. And those with existing gold teeth had to have them extracted. Oh, fuck off. I found a quote in a few places. At first on Wikipedia and I had to find it somewhere else to make sure it was right. But of course it was.

When saying, talking about making people get their gold teeth out, he said, this is a direct quote. I watched young dogs when I was young. They were given bones to nor to strengthen their teeth. Those of you whose teeth have fallen out Did not chew on bones This is my advice You're into the gold Get on a bloody bone

Aren't you a dog And yet he trusted his dentists Oh yeah Oh man Oh sorry his dentist was also a kelpie A ban from the city Calpy dentist Treating your teeth

He kicked How many confusing things in there He kicked dogs out Says be like a Be like a dog. Don't listen to my dentist. My dentist is your own president. Whoa.

Confusing. Oh my God. And do you have any idea what the country's like now? Well, I've got a little, I don't have a huge idea. I mean, I don't have a huge idea at the place at all. But his successor is President Kulbanguli, Bird Dime, Muck Hammadov. And he began pretty quickly to, he began introducing reform. forms to start winding back the cult of personality that was going on.

He has erased rules on the use of internet. So I've got the internet now. And he began to open the country to foreign investment. He got to the anthem with all the... All the praising... Turkmenbashi. Since his death, since Nyazov's death, Turkmenbashi's death, he got rid of all his portraits around everywhere

Oh gone Apparently though he's replaced them with his own He changed back all the names of months and days In 2008 back to what they were And he restored pensions to more than 100,000 Italy citizens So he did some good stuff Oh yeah, it's great stuff But he's now

The new guy, but he's still In power now He's in power, this is the new guy So this is what he did That's what he's done since he's been in power in 2006. So he's done some okay things. So he's been in power that whole time?

Oh no. There's a butt. Look at his face. No, no, the butt. I haven't looked into what fucked up things he's done, which I'm sure there are. But I'm finishing on a fun fact about this guy.

Hopefully it's not as fun as some of the other stuff. But it's still a little, it's got a little bit of quirk. It shows that he's got a, he's got a couple of antics of his own. He's a big fan of Akal Tik horses, which is the Turkmen So this new president has also written a book.

And it's called The Flight of Celestial Race Horses, and it opens with the words, I won't call you horse. I will call you brother. You are dearer than brother. And in 2011, he decreed that the nation would host an annual beauty contest for horses. So this guy, He's got a little bit of the quirks about him as well.

I know where I'm moving. You've got to see videos and photos of this capital city. It's just a crazy, shiny golden place. Obviously, with just people pretending that everything's okay. Sounds terrifying. Yeah, it is a... It's... Anyway, look, that's us really breezing over a horrible thing.

But just some of that, weird stuff. So thanks again for the suggestion. That one came. straight out of the hat from at Rewan Turtle on the Twitters. Thanks, Rewan Turtle. That was very interesting. I never heard of this guy. So that was a really, and now I'll never forget him.

I'll never forget. Turkmenbashi. Turkmenbashi, I still forget his name between sentences. Super Morat Nyazov or Turkman Bashi. Turkmen Barshi's got a great rig to it. It does, yeah. Amazing. Good, well done, Matt.

Thank you, Matt. That was so great. Well, thank Rewan Turtle. Thank you, Rewan Turtle. And we will, yeah, we'll post some of those. links to different videos and stuff. You've got to see him greeting people on the plane. Oh man.

Well, hello, welcome to plane. Hello, welcome to plane. Burn it down. Actually, you don't need to see. Dave did a good enough theater of the mind for that one. Thank you. Thank you very much. Yeah, so that's pretty much wrapping it up.

Hey, Dave, I'd love to thank everyone who's been tweeting in and giving us sweet five-star reviews. Oh, yeah, it's very, very nice. We've got quite a few new listeners lately, so if you're enjoying the show, it helps to get it out there up on the charts and that kind of stuff if you give us a sweet review it always feels nice to read those words too and if you want to start we've getting heaps of suggestions but if you want to throw something into the hat yeah you can do it in three ways uh you can find us on facebook

we don't talk about that a lot but we do have a facebook page where we post all links and extra stuff do go on pod do go on pod i believe it is our twitter we're at do go on pod and email do go onpod at gmail dot com so get in the hat get your suggestions in the hat or just uh write in with You know, ask what do you reckon Dave's weight is? Have we talked about that? It's very low. But if you want to write in and have a guess, you'll win everything in the jelly danger.

Have we? Okay. Yeah, but if they're listening. Yeah, that's right. They'll know. But they don't know about fluctuations. We don't know about fluctuations. We did break to have an Indian meal during this.

Did you notice that listener? Probably not. Probably not. I sound a lot less depressed than I did at the start. It picked us up. Jet lag. I'm jet lagged. jetlight from that no time difference.

Thanks for listening, everyone. We'll be back with another report next week. But until then, take it easy. And bye. Rakhnaama. Later, Racknama. Racknama. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are

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