Two In The Think Tank - 29 - Former Turkmenistan President Saparmurat Niyazov and His Crazy Antics

Episode Date: May 11, 2016

I think a lot of the information you need is in the super long title of this episode. It's about former Turkmenistan president Saparmurat Niyazov and his crazy antics. Enjoy! #2DaycoupdetatTwitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] the show and get rewards like bonus episodes:www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everybody, Jess and Dave, just jumping in really quickly at the top here to make sure that you are across all the details for our upcoming Christmas show. That's right, we are doing a live show in Melbourne Saturday December the 2nd, 2023, our final podcast of the year, our Christmas special. It's downstairs at Morris House, which usually be called the European beer cafe. On Saturday December the 2nd, 2023 at 4.30pm, come along, come one, come all, and get tickets at dogoonpod.com. Are you working way too hard for way too little?

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Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. See you! All right, hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Wanakie and I am joined by two of my bestest buds and they are... What? Oh come on guys, you're my best buds, it's just Perkins and Mats Chua, hello buds! Hello bud! Hey bud! Hey bud! Bud bud bud! Bud?

Yeah, well that's very nice. No, we don't want to laughing at you, it's just me. It's the best bud, not reciprocity. No, it definitely is, definitely is. No, no, you guys are the best buds for sure. Oh. If this was still 2004, you'd be in my MySpace top eight. I'll tell you that.

Oh man, that is very kind of you. Like, oh, so you wouldn't reciprocate, maybe top 16 can I have? Oh no, you'd definitely, you'd be in my top eight. I just think like, that's a great way of judging it. Goody as a son, I often think about that with people. It was always big like, who's your top friend, you know? It was kind of a brutal way of conducting sort of friendships.

Ranking friends, it's very hard. You know what, as well, because that was where I was still in high school. So as soon as somebody got a boyfriend, then he would be the top friend. Straight to one. And you know what, like, that needs to take some time.

I don't think any, I think so. I don't think a boyfriend should be jumping the queue straight up straight up like don't discount your friendships like that. No I reckon you'd slowly work them up one by one. Take down your friend one by one maybe month by month. A month so a re-evaluation at the end of your month. Are you and then it's just head to head. I'm so glad that feature is in on Facebook. I don't think I think it's part of the reason my my space died. Everyone just turned up to that. Because my top friend, if we still had them, my top friend would be my best friend Deb.

But her top friend would be her boyfriend. And then so it's like, I'm not her number one. That hurts. And her boyfriend's not used to confirm. Just to confirm. I am not her boyfriend. So close. There are adult life things that are like that.

Like weddings where people pick three friends to be in their bridal party. Or four or two or whatever. I never understood weddings. If I get married, I'm allowed to have a best man. Is that right? So I have a number one pick. Then I can also have what are the others like to do?

Grimsmen. Yeah, they're like your... Is there a cap on that? No, there's a cap. I don't know if there's are they ranked so would you know? I'm number two groomsman. No, it's just groomsman in a group anyway. I would definitely let my groomsman know Who's number one? Mate you're lucky to be in the fourth groomsman. I'll tell you that. I said well

It's a bloody honor to be a fourth groomsman totally Right well without it you you're down to five fifth groomsman. Oh, we've grown up. Still in? We've got a lot of weird tattoos really. It's getting out. It has 16 groomsmen, you'd be in bud. That's what I'd say to my friends. If I had the 16 to choose from, all right guys, this is a show where we choose a topic.

It's not, my space has been suggested to the top. Oh, yeah. We might come back to that. Oh. We might come back to groomsmen, but this week out. It's one of the reasons why I never want's a top. We might come back to that, see that? We might come back to grooms men, but this week out. One of the reasons why I never wanna get married, I don't wanna have to pick grooms party

or whatever they call them. It seems stressful. Yeah, I'd have to rank my friends. It's now that I'm in a good place. My space date. Yeah, no good. No good. My mum told me at a very young age

that you shouldn't play games like that Ranking people. Yeah, she's a primal teacher and she apparently she sees it a lot or she did back then like where people be like You're my best friend. You're my number two friend. Yeah You're my number five friend. I feel like I probably had conversations like that. And stacey you can fuck off I feel like I probably had conversations like that in front of you. And Stacy you can fuck off I can't I just mean number 10 no No, it goes tonight. It goes to nine and that's it fuck off Stacy Yeah, so yeah, I think it is it is like it's I'm not necessarily Matt. We were trying to get out of this conversation and into actually actually the actual podcast

Well, the beauty of it and the fun thing is that it's only me who suffers Suffering right now. Okay, good point. Only all of us you are the one doing a report this week Matt my best man on the show Oh, you're my best man on the show so oh, but how do I choose a best man on the show? Yeah, don't Well, you can choose a best man the other one you'd often marry Oh God. Well, you can choose the best man and the other one you'd have to marry. Well, today when I got here, Matt jumped out of his chair and gave me a hug. Because I have been away for a couple of weeks. So, what a husband do that.

I feel like that's husband material. Oh, thank you, I'm the best man. I'm stupid. I'm stupid. I'm stupid. I'm stupid. I'm stupid. I'm stupid. I'm stupid. I'm stupid. I'm stupid. my hug again. Yes, you hugged you out of this problem. Matt, you've got a topic for us

this week. I do, yeah. You start with a question that you agonized over for 40 minutes. What? This is a topic out of the hat, and I've never heard of it. So I don't know how to ask a question that you guys can answer a topic that I'm not sure you would even know. Okay, that's all you're standing complicated. So I've made it fairly specific and you'll leave the null it on, you won't like guessing. Question is this. Which central Asian country's president had the craziest antics? What the hell? Okay, well the point is that we do not know who you're speaking about.

No, I don't. So you can just tell us who it is. The biggest central country I know is Kazakhstan. Central Asia. Central Asia, Kazakhstan? Yeah, that's what I mean, I didn't. So I always think it's so Middle East and Central Asia is the same thing. Is that right?

Or is that not the Middle East? Well, the Middle East is part of Asia, but then some part of it is part of Europe, like Turkey, is both Asia and Europe. Oh my god, my brain is exciting. There is a small border between Kazakhstan and this country, Turkmenistan. That's Turkmenistan. Oh, I understand. So, and all right, rephrase, do the the question one more time so we're talking about their president Which central Asian countries president had the craziest antics? On what scale are you Recording these antics. I've gone. I've gone through them all all the all the presidents of all the Central Asian country

I'm very excited. This is so exciting. Like real crazy, because you have to be real crazy to take the case. This has been a fun story. No, yeah, it's true. I've definitely set the standard high because I mean, if you're thinking super crazy, it's not super crazy. I'd say maybe quirky. Quirky.

And the other thing is like, he was kind of a full-on guy as well in parts. So it's like, it's one of a full-on guy as well in parts. So it's like... Well, most of the time... It's one of these funny things he did, but also just remembering that he... Yeah, most of the guys do some pretty bad stuff to stay in power. Okay. So, we have heard of his name. Ah, his name?

Oh, no, you don't know how to say it. You don't know how to say it. It's Super Morat Niasov. Okay. So, his name is Super marat Niasov. I love it and he's the president of Turkmenistan. Ah, he was. So, I might happen to super-meerkate.

Turk- Turkmenistan, okay. And, yeah, so, at a guest when do you reckon he's sort of ruling time like that? 96 to 2001. Oh, I reckon that took in, yeah, that was it plus a few more years. Yeah, you were like, you'd, you'd, yes, crazy. Well done. So was it 90s? 90s into the 90s.

Oh, wow. So we were alive when this guy was, I've never heard of it. Yeah, I know, that's what I was thinking too. Oh, I should mention that the suggestion came in by someone whose Twitter name is Vanoblie and with the Twitter handle at Rewon Turtle, which is a kind of cool. Thank you Rewon Turtle. Great suggestion. I honestly never heard of this guy. She actually the request that went into the hat, it was a big piece of paper was The request that went into the hat, it was a big piece of paper, was a former Turkmenistan president, Supermerat Niasov and his crazy antics. Oh wow. Is that what this episode is going to be called?

That's what this episode is probably going to be. Former Turkmenistan president, Supermerat Niasov and its crazy antics. I'd like to know how she knows about him. Yeah, well I guess she's just, you know, better read more culture than I. Culture than I. Spent more time in central Asia. Yeah, no Central Asia is Boy, I'm gonna probably edit somebody out to make just my sound less dumb, but good luck It'll start this conversation will be the first sentence of the book

So Niazov was born on February 19, 1940 in Kipchak in the Turkmen Soviet Socialist Republic in the USSR. So back then they were part of the big Soviet Union. Great, 1940. Yep. Which is what during the Second World War, it's not a great time for the Union. Not a great time for the Union. Or the World War.

I mean, it's what they called the World War. They did win it, though. Yeah, but five years later it took a while. Yeah, it took a while. There were some tough times there. Lost millions of people. Correct. So I was reading through his entry on one of my favorite online sources, the Britannica.

Oh, trusted. Well trusted. And it talked a bit about his younger years. Saying that when he was young his father, who was a teacher, was killed while serving in the Red Army in World War II. Oh, see, I told you just a bad time. It was a bad time, yeah. So obviously, before it was five, I guess.

Yeah. His mother and two brothers died in an earthquake in 1948. So with no immediate family left, he grew up in a state run orphanage. Oh wow. Oh wow. He grew up to lead the country, okay. There is sort of a bit of an asterisk about a lot of his early history because he He became known a bit to to kind of he kind of had a history of rewriting history a lot of de-tatasties that yeah, so it's called like cult

You called a personality a lot of personality. Yeah, this guy was like the He's like the post-boy for the cult of personnel. Oh really? Yeah, one of them. But he, so there is some dispute over these things, but I mean, that was straight off Britannica, and I saw Santa trust him. I trust him. Dr. Britannica. Yeah, the doc, I always trust what the doc says.

In 1967, so if he's later, he graduated from the Lennon Grad Polytechnic Institute with a degree in engineering and Return to the Turkmen SSR to work at a power plant in Besmain near Ashkrabat I'm not laughing at the names of these places and laughing at your face. My attempts. Yeah.

No, that's good. So he's 27 and he's got an engineering degree. He's working at a power plant. Good on him. Yes. I salute you. So after this, he went to work full time for the Communist Party, where he climbed the ranks there.

And in 1980, he was appointed the head of the Ashkrabat City Party Committee. And then five years after that, he was selected by Mikhail Gorbachev to head the Turkmen Republic Communist Party and carry out a clean-up campaign against corruption and mismanagement. So this is still under the USSR, which Mikhail Gorbachev was top dark top dog And so it was sort of like a bit of a puppet leader for the USSR state Read read my bloody writing He's explaining about how we you been doing comedy dig hand? In January?

On top. In January 1990, Niazov was elected chairman of the Republican Supreme Soviet. It's a good gig. Yeah, that sounds well paid. Yeah. 1999, what a good year that was. For everybody. And then when the post of executive president was created in October 1990, Niazov received

98.3% of the vote. With a 1.7% margin of error. That's kind of, that was these early years up until, I mean, that's, I've really skipped through quite a few years ago. Five decades of his life. Bang, bang, bang. Great, so now, so now he's the top dog of just Turkmenistan. Yeah, which is still part of the USSR.

Okay. But like I say, some of those early facts, especially, I've been disputed by some people. Some people, I read somewhere that there is theories that his dad actually didn't... Was it ghost? Didn't go to the... didn't go to war and was punished like it was as a coward sort of thing. But you know that, I mean it's hard to know from both sides there sort of... I don't see that you met it so that he claimed that there was rumor that his dad was God. That was on a macular conception.

Yeah, well, I mean, that's the kind of thing that this goes about to claim. Oh, he never quite goes that far, but he, you know, he gets, he tipped those around that sort of area. In August 1991, there was a failed coup against the Soviet president, Gorbachev. We remember that. And where were you?

You were bloody just being... We were one. Oh yeah, you were one, aren't you? So I just said 90 was a good year because both of us were born. Yeah, you missed that. I don't know, it's weird that I do. I mean, you bang on about it every time we talk. It's so weird thing to be proud of. I know, every time we mentioned the year 1990, I'm like, oh my god.

We're the only two people born in that year. Yeah, yeah. Talk about a non-machaelic conception. Only two people born in the whole year. So, in 1991, there was a failed coup against Gorbachev. No yasov, I'm pronouncing it so they've been retouched. So that, niyasov supported the coup. Oh!

But the coup failed after only a couple of days. Oh, two day coup. So, it's an over a band. Two day coup, that's not bad. Just back in from the two day coup. Two day coup, data. Oh, two day coup, data. That's not bad. Just broken from the two day coup. Two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup, two day coup d'état. That's so good. If anyone is able to put that into a hashtag, I will give that. Hashtag two day coup d'état. Bonus points in our new point system. I also think there was a hashtag in there that was hashtag shut up. I can do this. You did say that. Can do this.

Can I make a communicate in a hashtag? So after the coup failed, our man Niazov started moving towards bringing independence to Turkmenistan. I think he was sort of like, well I don't like how it's going up there, so we either fix it and all do it together or I'm going it alone, I guess. I mean, that's my reading, I mean, so all of a sudden now he's leading his own independent state because he's still the leader. And so was it hard for him to break away? I was he suddenly decided to say up. I think USS R was starting to, it was becoming pretty fragile and it was full on a part. So I think it was, it was pretty easy to do it. So I just make the cutting.

Oh, I wouldn't even put it in. I mean, it took me a couple months later after the failed crews that they were independent. So it happened pretty quickly. Was only a couple months after the two day crew? Yeah, the two day crew data. Oh, man, that's so satisfying. But it also makes my brain ache.

Yeah. In later in that year, 91, his government granted the free use of water, gas and electricity and refined salt to the people of Turkmenistan to clean up. Free salt? Ten years. That's my kind of government. And I also love that he's put a ten-year thing on it, so you would just start sockpiling, because you know there's a day where you have to start paying for salt.

But salt does not go off. When it expired, he extended it to 2020. And I believe that might have been extended again to 2030. So you feel a bit embarrassed if you had two tons of salt in the backshared fuck. I really thought it was going to stop. No, we look like idiots. No, I can't sell this to anyone. You never get it for free.

You need in a desert country, it's salt. Salt. Not, I mean, I need something to really make me thirsty for water. I love salt, big fan. Big fan of salt. When I was a kid I used to just hide in the pantry and lick the salt shakers.

Really? Yeah, and then mom would be like, why is the salt shaker wet? So then I would just put it into my hand and I'd ate it out. Before that you were just licking the actual salt shake out. The end of the shake out. I love salt.

Yeah, right. That's a full on. That's a, that's a, that feels like an advanced palette for a child. I was all about sugar as a kid. Oh yeah, I did. I didn't suck sugar in. I didn't suck sugar in. Yeah, the sugar dispenser. I was licking it in there,. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I So we had home brand cans and sugar Talking about a third world country and I'm complaining about my well that third world country has free salt so that's true

We're doing okay, so yeah, that was there were a couple things I'm like oh that makes him sound like My parents hate for the salt I used to lick is it is it gas electricity in salt? So is it for free water gas electricity and refined salt? All right. That's pretty good. I'd be Imagine me at a salt pool. I've got a combo. Another early active. Is it a water? Yeah.

Oh, very good. It's not full of gas. Though, if you did that, I'd be pretty cool. It is sometimes if you get in the pool after having Mexican. Oh, do I have pretty Mexican piped in? Imagine how happy you would have been if you had a gas-heated saltwater after a pool. Oh my god! I would have been such a good dad.

With this head, the head, like lights in it. Yeah. And then you got like a pie warm on the side. I look like electricity pilot, of course. Yeah. Fuck this guy sounds like... I like it. Look, I don't want to predict...

I don't want to predict, like, you're probably about to tell us that he like shot people up against some wall and stuff like that. But he's... Before that, he sounded like a good guy stuff like that, but he's before that He sound like a good guy free salt you got Jess's vote honestly. I don't I don't probably don't go into Enough how Okay, we just get the antics We just don't have a question. Yeah, the question they they wanted antics

I don't want reality they all wanted antics and free salt apparently It was yeah in the prisons was not a good place to be. And you might go there to trumped up charges. Oh, did they? We're seeing to oppose him in any way. Did they not get the salt in prison? No, salt in prison. Ah, hashtag, no salt in prison.

That's the real prison. No salt. You don't want to drop the soap or the salt. No, because you won't. Because someone else is going to grab it. Oh, that'd be the worst. They don't even, they don't even need like a physical prison. They just cut off your salt ration and you feel like you're in prison enough. Oh, that's pretty much what it was.

And that was also, yeah, all the, because I was saying it was, it was pretty full on torture in there. Oh. So no salt time. There were some sad stories I read about. People, you know, opponents getting thrown in jail and then being Dead within a year just from unexplained circumstances and But what we're looking at is the crazy

Yeah, makes it harder to laugh at him right when you're like yeah, let's not look at that Another early act of the new president was to abolish the death penalty What he also granted official human rights to the people? Another early act of the new president was to abolish the death penalty. What? He also granted official human rights to the people. Sorry. It turns against what you just said. Though they were not respected in practice with his government being criticised as one of the world's worst human rights violators in the world. But he officially gave him to.

I'm officially giving you human rights. We're not being forced. God no. And you will not be having self. But I got you this certificate. And it's got some sweet clip art on it. Oh, made that myself. We've that took him in 10 minutes.

I'm a man of my 50s. It's very good. There's a homemade video of him on YouTube greeting people into a plane just going around shaking people's hands and stuff What's he saying? Hello, welcome to the plane. Welcome to the plane. Great to have you here on the plane Welcome to the plane you want some salt on those nuts. I carry a shake and welcome to the plane Don't offer me salt Mr. President. I gotta come out my bloody ears That's it. You're going to present very soon. Oh no, thank you for the salt.

In 1992 at the nation's first presidential election, Niasov was elected with 99.5% of the vote. Wow, he's gone up, he's really popular. He was the only candidate. What? What? He's the only candidate. I won!

Oh, you want me? Oh, I couldn't. Oh, my goodness, all right. But I love that still, even though me, he was the only one who put it with the ladder to be up for it. There's one box to check and still stuff that up.

Invalid collected. 0.5% of the vote. Which I think was a great effort by them. That's great. The following, oh actually there was, it said against and invalid. So some people were allowed to tick against, which I imagine was a ballsy move. You'd have to really believe that no one was... Yeah, you see, you tick against and you'd hand it in. They'd say, you probably want to rethink that choice. Oh, yes. No, they nod to the go at the door and as they were leaving, they... Hand you some more salt.

Hand you some more salt. Yeah. No, take away your salt. Oh! Salt! Hey, if we got salt taken away from us for donkey votes, I'd be leading a very salty, saltless life. Have you really donkey voted? No. Oh, you don't have to disclose that. That's a very personal question, Dave. The following

year, 1990, 1990. What do you want to be next, my brass size? You're pervert. Is that what you want, Dave? Is that where this is going? One or the other. I'll take a look at this. Answer the donkey vote question. You give me your your brass house. Come on, two options. 99.5% of the people will cheat the same one. Yeah, I imagine it is a... The vote in your name. 99.5% of voted brass house. So 993 Nihazov declared himself a...

Token Bashi? Token Bashi? It was a good title? Is that actually it or? The following in the yards of Declate himself, Tercan Bashi. That one's a hard one because it's got a couple of umlaats in there and a few other things, but I think that's how it's pronounced. Tercan, is that like his title on the Tercan Bashi? Yeah, well that's pretty much what he he was known as from then and that Pretty much meant something like great leader of all Turkmen

Can I ask you what sort of facial hair is this guy? Oh my god. I can we guess. Yes, I don't know strong No, strong mustache. I think yeah, definitely strong mustache, but I think there's a beard Mustache, but I think strong mustache definitely strong mustache, but I think there's a beard That's very interesting you you make me want to jump forward to one of the fun facts. Oh, I can know you know That's okay. Yeah, you can hold off. No, no, we'll get there. I'm excited Okay, I'll let you sit a little bit of sizzle a bit of a beady base sizzle mm-hmm Why did I make that? Well, that sizzle is quite salty mm-hmm Mama mama likes a beard Why did I make that, Lily? Well, that's sizzle is quite salty. Mm. Mm. Oh, mama. Mama likes a beard.

Ha, ha, ha. I do like facial hair. Do you? That's where you're the best man. I'm the husband. I'm the husband. Look at that beard. In 1999.

I'm cruel. I've been living that beard. God. It's the beard of a Turk and party of a year, isn't it? Yeah, I'm good. Ha, ha, ha. Not it. No, no, no. If you're not, Matt's got a beard. In 1999, the parliament declared Nihazov president for life.

This goes the best. President for life, but Turkambashi sometimes or? OK, so he's not been, you mean was he getting cold prison for life? That was just to say, you got the job as long as you wanted mate. Because that's what you told us. I mean, you're like again, me? Yeah, yeah. Oh my god.

Okay mate. Well, for life, alright. It seems like a big commitment. But if you love me that much. Me? Imagine that. This year I remember the acts like that. All right, it seems like a big commitment, but if you love me that much. Me? Oh, imagine that, the ceremony acts like that. And everyone else at the building's like,

you bastard. You organize this. If I said something, you take me out the back and shoot me. Like winning an award and they're like, oh my god, he's doing that every time. Oh my god, I did not prepare a speech, rolls out like 30 page scroll. He, yeah, I think this is scroll.

Yeah, that's, let me sit there,'s still right now. This is scroll. That's, let me sit there and bash you, please. Good point. I think you're totally around the right mark there. He was, he saw himself as being a very, very good speaker, very good writer. He did, oh. He brings me to the next day.

That's why I said welcoming people on a plane. Hello, welcome to a plane. Welcome to a plane. Shit, I forgot the, I forgot the, as president, to a plane. Welcome to a plane. Shit, I forgot the... As president. Burn this plane. I don't want to... Give it a full effort. I've been missing the word.

So far to the point. So far to the point. So far to the point. Yes, so far to the point. Shit, you're going to have to say goodbye to yourself as well. Do we evacuate the people? I said, said bye to the police. There's no time for that. No time. Bye, I'm playing now.

So Matt, you were better. He considers himself a great what speaker and writer actually do. So as president, he took on the task of strengthening took Manestan's independence and national character. They're identity. So he- Which we all know quite well. Yeah. Well that's the thing he thought because...

Man, a stag. They were under the Soviet rule for so long that he thought they'd lost a lot of their own identity. Identity, right? So he wrote a book called Ruknama, which is a collection of his thoughts on Turkmen identity. Oh, this is great and destiny It is semi-autobiographical and includes moral guidance stories and poetry poetry. I love the word Semi He's admitted that this is embellished. Is that right? Well, I don't think he described it as semi-autical I think I think that was thrown in by people because apparently it's a lot of revisionist history in that I think that was thrown in by people. Because apparently it's a lot of revisionist history in that. Oh.

Um. Power tree, that's great. It's a power. I love that. They love power tree and beards. Oh, what a combo. Give me a beady power any day. Oh, he had a,

No, I don't. Please don't. Please don't. Big salty beard. They all are in the end, are they? They don't have a really strict shampoo and conditioning regime. Do you shampoo your beard? Oh, yeah, my word you must Oh my word, because I've got no idea of you. I thought you're just like you're not washing part of you Do you leave a big chunk of your face unwashed? Yeah, but I don't shampoo my face

I don't shampoo my eyebrows, no. So you think I just put so, body soap on it? No, I just thought you might rinse it. Rinse it. OK. Wouldn't that make it kind of oily? Well, I don't know, because with your hair, you shampoo that every few days, but with your beard,

do you do that every few days as well? Yeah, no, it's a similar thing. You wouldn't want to do it too much. Do you do that? Some of those natural oils are good. Do you double the hair on the head and on the face? Do you do at the same time? That's what I mean? No, I am a one-on-one off. Oh I don't know what that means. I'm not that at all. Oh Conditioner. Do you put conditioner? Oh, you must you must. Oh, you must oh my where do you might? Oh?

Oh, is this included in the Tercan Barshi's In the soul in the book. No, that is not in that is not in the book. So he doesn't have a beard He does know he's fully clean chave Full yeah, no, you would picture you'd picture some sort of a some sort of sweet. I think I'm just picturing Stalin I'm also thinking he's moving on from Stalin, I think, and then bad boys, then other bad boys. He's totally different from those other guys. I guess is how he justifies everything he does. I'm making things better. So anyway, so this book, he wrote this book, right?

What's it called again? The Roop Nama. The Roop Nama. The Roop Nama. The Roop Nama. The Roop Nama.. Bid Nama. Bid Nama. I think you will like this book just after I read this next sentence. Okay.

A large mechanical statue version of the book was erected in Ashkabat that opened nightly along with a light and sound show featuring a passage passage of the book being read. He's done the fucking My Christmas Windows of his book. You're right, man. I do like this book now. What do you mean? A giant mechanical version of the book? Yeah, that's a giant book. I'm imagining a mechanical ball.

Like, people can ride the book. It's just, it's a big, it's just a huge book. I mean, I can find, I've watched a video of it. Oh fucking poor tweet that that is fantastic and it just it open up it's got his picture on the front and then there's one side of it's got it looks like his handwriting then the other side has like a video projected onto. Oh my god it's so great and it, this is in our lifetime. Yeah. This is not that long ago. This decade, this century, maybe when you were over visiting Disneyland, you should have probably turned left 2010, right there. Should have seen the Ashken Bat mechanical book.

Haven't we all seen the mechanical book? Yes, way better than Specs Mountain. So every night at 8 o'clock, the mechanics. We met in the specs mountain. So every night at 8 o'clock, the... Prime time. For the lasers. The laser show. The book Well in advance. Fireworks.

Go on, class tickets. But yeah, so he really thought that this book was going to help the people. He was showing them who they really were. He was putting a mirror up to the society. Putting a mirror up as well as his own face. Yeah. This is what you look like. No, it isn't. He was putting a mirror up to the society. Putting a mirror up as well as his own face. Yeah, this is what you look like. No, it isn't. He was putting a mirror up to his face.

Yeah, like what I see. Yeah, this has got legs. No beard, but it's got legs. School children were taught passages at school, obviously. Oh. But one full day of the week was dedicated to the book. You're fucking kidding. One full day. That's what you did for the six hours full of it.

One fifth of the week, yeah. And you also needed to be familiar with it to get your driver's license as it formed part of the test. That makes no sense. That makes no sense. Turn left at the roundabout. What's your favorite passage failed? That's amazing. In the early 2000s he built Central Asia's largest mosque. It held up to 25,000 prayer people. What do you call them? Worshipers? 25,000 people inside one building. Yeah, one to church. and I was called the spirit. Sorry, no, no

Potentially Very wrong welcome prayer people Yeah, I reckon that's I reckon that's a direct translation Require What do you reckon he called this place prayer palace spirit of What do you reckon he called this place? Priya Palace. Spirit of... ...Turkman Bashi.

Tukman Bashi was the same. He's the Tukman Bashi. I love him. And a reported cost of more than $120 million. Yeah, it's about right. God. The... Sorry.

I've met Riddoff good deal. They did well. Bargain. Absolutely. Bargain, my trites. Of this mosque, the external walls feature passages from the Quran, obviously. Oh, predictable. And also some of his favorite passages from his own book.

From the Rukh Nama. Yeah, that other holy text that we all know. I love him. I don't know why I didn't realize that you would. I've some reason, yeah, I thought he's, yeah, no you. You thought I was gonna hate him? I did, but yeah, of course you'd love him I think it's very funny for us, but if this was your life would you be pretty awful and I can totally see where this is going

And he's gonna be a horrendous person, but right now this is hilarious because he's like a cartoon character It's very funny that he's obviously taking this very seriously. It's not a joke to him at all He thinks he's a god. Yeah. He thinks he's the Taken Bashi. Yeah. Um, when the Imam of Turkmanistan, he refused to preach the Rukhnaama in the mosque. He was sentenced to 22 years Jail. Like in, that's about right? Not just fired or 22 years jail. No, like in, that's about right. Not just fired or... 22 years, and this is like what a top Muslim cleric.

Yeah, they talk. Very high up in the church. Just like putting the Pope in prison. Yeah, basically. I'm like, oh, because you won't give a shout out to your book. Your little poem. That's so great. Your little poem.

Your little riddles. Hey, I don't want to jump ahead here, but isn't he, as I did? Because I'm just a bit worried that he's obviously a very powerful man. Oh, yeah. I don't know. We're putting out a lot of... And we've already got the cast's... The cast's the Pharaoh.

Luckily Dave, he pretty much cut the internet out from... Oh cool, cool, so he's not here on this. Yeah, yeah. Something like, I think the percentage was less than 10% actively used the internet. And they closed down any internet providers outside of the state run-ons. He also closed down all internet cafes. Hey, but you know what? Oh. I bet they you know what? Oh.

I bet they do a lot more communicating. That's right, so who's the real witness? So you know, they sit down at the dinner table at night, and they talk. No one's going to get off the damn tablet device, young man. Hey, no phones at the table. And they're like, oh, sorry, this is actually a tablet, and it's a rock, with the Rook Nama inscribed into it. Thank you very much, Peter. Oh, well're pleased. Read aloud to the whole family.

And keep eating your salt. I don't enjoy imagining even closing down the internet cafes and the sending use like secret police in there and they're like, this is closed and they're like, oh, we could just cut the internet. No, close the cafe as well. Yeah. You blew your chance. We're burning this down. This cafe, oh, it's just so coffees. Now, you're done. I like the USM all internet cafes also act as cafes. I think internet cafes just a term

for a place that has internet. I'm sorry, Jess. Have you seen the word written down? Internet followed by cafe. Yeah. Am I the fool for assuming that I could order a flat white whilst cruising Yahoo dot com Yeah, I'll be so you fucking ask jives

If I was if I was the talking about she would sit fire you 24 years jail Sitting fires my favorite threat. I'm gonna Dave's a Bing man. I'm gonna sit fire to you I've heard him say before let me just let me just Bing it. it gonna be? I'm just gonna be out to sit five to just. Oh hang on. Bing. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession resistant career and a rewarding field with plenty of growth opportunities and often, flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation.

You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. He also closed down all libraries outside of the capital. Oh, what? Did the close down the cafeteria is associated with the library or just the books? You're a dickhead. Sorry. You can't get a sandwich in a library. I'm sorry for assuming you had good service.

How have you... No, so do the books. Oh, that's what I'm Oh, I just wanted a hand. I just wanted a hand. He's got a whole leg of hand. Is that what I just keep imagining what it would have been like growing up in the affluent East. Your library is just have full hands.

My mom is a retired like professional librarian, that was a joke. She was also a pig lady. She does not, she does not have fucking means. That was all the ham. Yeah, she loves the ham. No, my mom does not need a ham or bacon. That didn't be all right, Coney, my mom. A pig lady.

Anyway, do go on. So you close the library outside the capital? Yeah, so I guess it, do go on, too. Close the library. He's outside the capital. Yeah, so I guess it's like he really was controlling the capital. So I guess outside of that, he just wanted to close them down. Because he thought there's only two books that need to be read, no need for a library. Karan,

Brooke Nama. Brooke Nama. So you need. This one's pretty good, if you didn't think those's other ones were no hated them I had to imagine David alive with a legged hand But I have to do an I mean you guys are on board with the Rook Nama right? Absolutely, obviously should be celebrated

Obviously, I'm possible one of the two best texts in the library well Our man the prayers he Took the month of September and renamed it Rooknama. Is that a lie? How did he decide which month? Oh, because he finished writing it in September 2001. 2001? Yeah, I'm applauding you.

This is recent. Yeah, that's what I meant. It's so recent. This's so recent. We what He's oh my god September Rooknama January 5th March 8th, May

June, July, August September Rooknama, November But it's 30 days It's also skipped October 2 He's got a romma You fucked it Did I? What did I do? You said September, rug brahmer

Did I? Yes In my defense, I've jet lagged To your 18 years jail Where have you come from a one hour different? I came from Brisbane Is that one hour different? No, it's not even a morphe

It's the same time zone I had to watch In the summer months at his day I came from Brisbane. Is that one hour difference? No, it's not even a walk. Same time zone. I had to watch. In the summer months of his day, don't look at me like that. I had to watch a film in a comfy chair. What was the film? I watched Kingsman. Should have been the Rug Nama.

Should have read the Rug Nama. The Rug Nama. The stage of musical. Did I really say September? I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, September. Rug Nama, October. You said it was such joy. I was entirely willing to let that slide go.

It was coming up and I got to August. I was like, here we go. That's a sit. That makes that even sillier. I went to your birthday. Rooknam, 18. Oh, happy birthday. It's a dimper, Rooknam. That was probably the best of the points about the Ruknama, but this one's also pretty good.

This final one I got about the Ruknama for now. In 2006, he made reading the Ruknama a requirement for entry into heaven. Apparently he made a deal with God. Yeah. Oh, so this is at the gates. Yeah, he made a deal with God saying, um, if I get him to read it three times, you're going to give him entry and and God's like, yeah, yeah, that's a fair deal. Three times, if you read it three times, you're in. What about the billions of people already in heaven do they get kicked out? I should get a coffee? I don't know. He didn't go into that part of the conversation.

Yeah, so like a cut off date, like as of January 1st, 2008, when you die. But okay, but you say they also have to study that schools. Yeah, but not everybody read it. They're not sitting there reading it. Cover the cover. Yeah, cover the cover three times. Cover the cover three times.

How would God know? You didn't make that three times up that's no I read that so that I read those backs into separate places. Now would God know what if you'd miss their test. Oh God knows. What if you've you've skimmed red and you missed one sentence of the three times. So that's all right. But how do you how do you miss the same sentence three times? No you miss it once but you just haven't completed the book. Oh, miss it once shame on you. Shame on you. Was it twice? You're not going to heaven mate. Missed three times, why'd you bother the third time?

Don't, don't, just don't. What about you, though? Rukinama to you, sir. Ha ha ha. A good moral to the on this Rukinama day. And that's the news, this Rukinama the 9th, 2015. It's a 10th bar Rukinama. Cool, so that's the Rooknama

Probably one of my favorite things about this whole story Here's some less good things in 2004 15,000 public health workers were sacked He's got a nowhere 15,000 This country's got a population of five million so you can spare 15,000 jobs and then in 2005 all hospitals the outside of basketball shut down What the fuck oh and that was because he believed that the sick should be treated in the capital

He's actually bad shit crazy. Yeah, it's just I still love him though This one is one of the more like there's just weird quirky go things. Here we go. Turkmenistan physicians were ordered to swear an oath to the president rather than the hypocritical. The classic. Because he is the governing body of everything. Yeah, the thing that's saying we're going to definitely look after the patient.

You'd know the hypocritical, wouldn't you Dave? Well, word by word for word. Yeah, you know, don't you? Bebeid him. That's where I swear to almighty God to all the podcast cut out there. Can I say about that? Well, never get that.

Why are you nailed it though? How was the price? I got that. That was actually really moving. Thank you. I promise to do no harm. That's in summary, in summary. He did. Yeah, he, he, he, I won't slice and dice unless I have to do no harm. He did. Yeah, he

he. I won't slice and dice unless I have to. That's the the. Yeah, you played that to near as golf. Yeah. Yeah, I won. If I cut you open, I won't. His name not near as he was in the as of in 2006. A third of the countries elderly had their pensions cut. So recent. Oh my god. A third of the countries elderly had their pensions cut. This is so recent. Oh my god. A third. And another, another 200,000 had theirs reduced. Oh. pensions received during the two years prior were ordered to be paid back.

Oh. What? Who reversed it? It's like... That money you're paying for living off. You can have it. No, no, he... He... No, no, there's no reverse.

He said, I'm taking you not you're not getting it anymore And the last two years I paid you you need to give I thought I was the other way around he was like ah fuck that. Well, so you can have it now It was no you have to pay that stuff the money that you may have been living on for the last two years Every cent you've spent in the last two years give it back There was so much money and I'm poor And if I think you've backed me, I'm gonna be mad about you Yeah, I mean you're on a pension because you are poor, right? So that would be

Imagine I don't have any facts to back this up of course. I'm only imagining that the pen people are on a pension because I need it elderly people. I just gotta get a job our Economies like they're good in terms of work and stuff. I used to be a nurse, but now there aren't any hospitals. Ooh. Yeah, anyway, moving along. I love this guy still. He hasn't lost me yet.

I reckon this is my name. You might like some of this stuff as well as renaming September after his book. He also renames... I'm going in every part of the... Fritzer Vescapa. Fritzer Vescape. August Harry Potter is the Fritzer Vescape. The book, I think the Translaces is something like something of the soul, like book of the soul or something like that, but it's just so weird. So that wasn't the only month you renamed.

You renamed all of them and all the days of the week as well. Oh my god. Can you give me an example of that? Are they all Ruknama? No. That'd be very confusing. Ruknama Ruknama? He changed.

19 Ruknama. He also changed all numbers. Ed Words. It's a Ruknama. Ruknama Ruknama Ruknama. He changed. His wife's name to Ruknama. Rooknama, Rooknama, Rooknama. He changed... his wife's name to Rooknama. No, I will not let you finish this sentence. So then... I know I will not let you finish this Rooknama. He changed... Sorry Matt, do Rooknama. New title, New title of the show. H.T.A.G.D. Rock Nama.

He changed his January. Obviously, I mean, September wasn't called September, but they had a different word for it. S.N.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T. to Turkmen Vashi, which is his name. So January became just his name. He changed, some of them were like, he changed February to the word for flag. And that was, and his birthday is also in flag month. And that was, and his birthday is also in, in, in, in flag month. I thought he was going to be January, so he made a dream. And he made, he made a, he made a day in February called the Turkmenistan flag day,

and that was celebrated on his birthday. Happy himself. his birthday. He changed April to German Sultan, which was his mother's name. German Sultan. He was like a nurturing lady. So there were, he doesn't. I can't believe it. He changed Monday to Sunday What all of the he changed the names of all those days. Sorry not the Monday will now be called Sunday and then his advice is like sorry

What do you find this confusing do you want to spend 22 years in jail? No Monday's no Sunday? No, man to you. You're right. No, man. What are you? I'm gonna good name for Mondays. Not Sunday. But he garfields. First day. Like something. First day. Or the word was bas-bas-goon or something like that.

Means first day. Tuesday, young day. Wednesday, favorable day. Thursday, just this day. Friday, Mother Day. Saturday, Spirit Day. Sunday, Rest Day. So I feel there's a classic religion things. Well, Rest Day, what are the other...

Mother Day. Spirit Day is, you know, Sabbath. Okay. I guess. Mother Day, I'm not sure. Just everybody hugged your mom. I like the old name for, for Saturday was, off of Friday was Anna.

So that one's in there. I wanted to see. Oh my, we could be quite poor. Cool. Apparently there's a. I don't get this, but apparently there's a sales technique. You might come across this salesman believe or that a thought that the first, if you're in some sort of one of those high pressure sales sort of situation, you want a client, potential client, if you leave a science, whoever, if they speak before you, you've got the sale. Basically, they believe that means you've got them. Even if they interrupt with, this

isn't going well, I'm leaving. Could you get out of my house? That price is ridiculous. Why aren't you wearing pants? You're, you spoke first. I've got your contractually obligated to sign the deal. Yeah, I know. It's the same weed same weird one. So can I borrow some pants? Look at him to you. I have no money. Look at number. This is my son. So, so as I said he changed April to Gobern Sultan, which is... Salt? He's a mother's name. You know what else he changed? The word to a Gobern Sultan? Mother? Bread! Oh my god!

The word for bread! What would you name after your mum? Oh, what if I had to? Yeah, maybe like a type of flower or something. Yeah, maybe, oh had to? Yeah. There's something small, like a flower or something. Yeah, maybe, oh, that's nice. Maybe she really liked bread. Maybe it was like a nice bread.

That is probably what it is, but it's so weird. What is your mum like? And you reckon the people? Me, she's like, my mum likes me, I'll make myself Annie. Five million people going, yeah, we're gonna call Brad your mum, okay mate. And how is he announcing these things? Oh, how do you find out he's got 3 state TV stations. Great.

Rooknama, everybody, just a couple more notes. What the news would be just brings out a loaf of like a baguette and goes, this is now Gorbid Sultan. Any questions? I can't hear you. Thank you. Good night, Ruknama. Back to the news.

See you tomorrow night. Tomorrow there's Batchit Crazy. I mean, this is Ruknama. The news reporter is just like, I can't believe what it comes up on the teleprompter every night. It's just insane. I went to Ruknama school for this. Which good Ruknama or bad Ruknama, they're all the same.

I can't tell that difference anymore. Ruknama. I don't think this fact probably went surprise. Heaps and heaps of statues made in his likeness and portraits just plastered in every way. No, that does surprise me. Made out of gold usually. Including one right in the center of Ashkabat, which was set to rotate so that it always faced the sun.

Wow, even when the sun was not there. Yeah, I think it then just fell the top. It just fell open the next sun came out. It went, Big morning glory Oh it's like that's when morning glory came from But then he renamed morning glory to Rukunama Rukunama got my bloody morning glory Morning glory

And he changed it to his mums man He's definitely can't hear this podcast Kenny No, well I mean I must see red the Rooknoma 3 times, and they're good. Oh, he did. He's bleeding to something there. He did. He definitely read it. He read it if he wrote it, but didn't read it.

I didn't have time. I did not have time to read that fact. It's not, honestly, it's not a bit. It's not like a spoiler, and he just died as a heart attack. He was born in 1944. Oh, I saw him. He's still here, yeah.

Good bit. He wrote the in 1944. Oh, I saw him. He's swimming around. Good boy. He wrote the National Anthem, which referenced Rome. Well, he had it written, you know. And he wrote, he was, he was tone deaf. And it referenced Turkmen Basis several times. It also referred to the... Well, it's nothing else rhymes with Turkmen Basis. So once you get into that, you track it out.

You track it out. And my favorite guy with Turkmen Bashy. So once you get into that, you track it out. You track it out. And my favorite guy is Turkmen Bashy. And his favorite guy is also Turkmen Bashy. A driver. A car. It's what you do, stuff. It's his Turkmen Bashy car. Rugna mater you.

Rugna mater you. He sang it to me once and was like great, published that. Nailed it! Get the state simple, you're... I'll acknowledge it. Fucking Ragnarma that. Dozens of streets and schools across the country had their names changed to Turkmenbashi. Obviously. Very unique.

Especially if several streets are called the same. Can you meet me in the corner of Turkmenbashi and Turkmenbashi? Which one? Which one? Which one? The one across from the... Rookum one of place. The one across from the Gold statue facing the sun. Which one?

In 1998, 670 pound meteorite landed in Tukumena Stan. Oh, bet he thought so that is a sign of God. What do you reckon they named it? Did you correct the Turkmen Bashe? Was it correct? That's a pretty short question. The name... Well it's called the Greg and everyone's like,

what? It's like just kidding Turkmen Bashe. What do you were fuck it? The name of the port city Crasnovvodch was changed to Turkambashis. What's the name of the native pronounce? The image of Turkambashis face was used as the logo of all three state-run TV stations. So we all had the same logo. And was legally required to appear on every clock and watch face as well as on every bottle

of Turkmen, Bashy brand vodka. I'm so fucking scared. Is he so fucking scared? It's getting cold. When I go out on the towel, I like to drink Turkmen, Bashy. It goes well with the Gorken Salt Bread. The salt bits free.

Here's a word. Every watch, so every watch, every watch has his face. Has to. Holy shit. Otherwise, jail. The Magtum Gully International Prize is an award given by Turkmenistan to those who help achieve the aim of Magtim Goole who was an 18th century poet who wanted to establish an independent Turkmenistan. In 2003, Niasov won this award for his books. This was awarded by Turkmen Bashin.

He awarded himself. And the winner is, oh my god it's me! Oh my ridg- did you want me? Okay, okay. You love me, you really love me. This guy is terrifying. That is wonderful. It's more corrupt than the Academy Awards. Even more. Can you imagine? But if people on board with him or they just like this guys batch it? Publicly they're on board with really Terrified publicly cuz yeah, oh yeah, okay, that brings me to opposition. Oh After an alleged assassination attempt on November the 22,000 of suspected conspirators and members of their families were arrested

There is a theory that they staged this so that they could crush any opposition two thousands of suspected conspirators and members of their families were arrested. There is a theory that they staged this so that they could crush any opposition, which is fucking like just so paranoid and crazy. A couple of years later in 2004, there was a leaflet campaign in Asuka Bay and that was calling for the overthrow and trial of Niasov. In 2004, did you say that? Yeah, what's his name? Took Man the Bachelors.

I've said it that many times. So what happened? So just a leaflet campaign. People were just chucking leaflets out. So the president. No, no, no, no to the end of the week to figure out who did this and they couldn't they didn't figure it out so he fired his interior minister and the director of the police academy on national television He fired them out of a cannon Sorry I didn't say it did I not say the camera He fired them in of a cannon. Sorry, I didn't say it. Did I not say the camera bit?

He fired them in... Rooknobbark! But he fired them on TV. Yeah. He's gonna be crazy. This is making me think of the Hunger Games and the capital. Yeah. And just the creepy. It is... Without the beat on the leader.

Thanks for reminding me. I know, I know about it. I have not seen it. It is without the beard on the on the leader I know about it. I have not seen it. I've seen all but the last one Don't tell me doesn't it? Well, I imagine I thought everyone would get a good meal to finish off That's how I haven't seen the movie but I imagine it doesn't finish with the meeting this woman in jess's face Oh boy, the hunger games 22 years I didn't see the movie, but I imagine it doesn't finish with the meeting in that form. But this is why I'm in a jess' space. Ooh boy. That's a hungry game. 22 years, Jail. How does that have that? Yeah, I'm actually going to open my scenes like it.

Oh, I'm taking a step. Are we going to be great? Haggards take a turn in the action. Yeah, everyone's ready. Hey, I was reading Look Normal the other day. Yeah, the heard of this. Uh, so the, yeah, the, he accused the minister of incompetence and declared, I cannot say that you had any great merits or did much to combat crime. That's what he said on the TV.

The hours of later announced that surveillance cameras will be placed in all, at all major streets and sites in Turkmenistan and apparent precaution against future attempts at flaring I guess. He really hates flaring. This is, I've written a whole sentence about his death. The whole sentence. On December 21, 2006, it was announced on state television that Niazov had died from a heart attack. Oh man. I don't reckon he's dead Nothing will kill the techman. When was that?

2006. Yeah, he's not dead. He's not very old. No, 66. Yeah, he's not dead Okay, my theory is my theory is he faked his own death. So he's gonna come back and be like Rukmala Back Back again can be like, rock mama, robot! I'm just gonna get you back. I'm just gonna get you back. Back again. Oh, we're fucked if he does come back. Yeah, we're well fucked.

I got all this from the internet, I think it's fine. So this next segment, we're almost done, but it's called other decrees slash fun facts. Yes. Well, decrees, we're just gonna find facts. We're just gonna find facts. We're just gonna find facts. We're just gonna find facts. Yes, well, decrees. Yeah, some of his crazy antics in the form of decrees. I decree Amazing. Yeah, bring it on So now obviously these fun facts are pretty fun But the flip side is that while Niazov was able to indulge himself on the back of the world's fifth largest reserves of oil and gas

It was at the expense of his country's 5 million strong population. Disasterous mismanagement of the economy by his national democratic party meant that 35% of the population lives in poverty, and although housing is cheap and fuel is all but free, healthcare and education is sparse. That's my little caveat at the start of the fun facts. So fifth largest oil reserves and I still not doing well. Well, yeah, it's just, I mean, there's a lot of gold statues though.

Well, well, I mean, you know, it's been made somehow. He built a huge man made a lake in, you know, in the desert, which is the whole country. Also, and I asked skating rink with like penguins and stuff. Like he spent the, he found ways to spend it. Just not on on his people. I asked SkatingRink, but then you so casually said like with penguins.

Because I all have penguins. I think there was a zoo there with penguins and stuff. Yeah. Sure. No, that's fair. Yeah, sorry. I did cut out that. All right.

So anyway, keep in that in mind. So that's the caveat. Here are the fun facts. He banned presenters wearing makeup on TV. What? I found a couple of different reasons why this might have been, or why people said this was. One was because Turkmen are naturally beautiful enough and they don't need it. Okay.

Well, yeah, I've seen pictures. That's not true. And the other, not, I I mean it's just like any society you've got your beautiful people like us. And you've got everyone else. You've got the everyone else, the scum. The yucky's I call them. No no no don't tell anyone to think about that. Ah, not not. And the other one was a bit weirder. It was because he said he couldn't tell the difference between male and female newsreaders. And that made him feel uncomfortable.

And that's why they can't make up. Yeah. I can't tell the difference. Well that would help you tell the difference. I feel uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable. Oh, yucky. I feel uncomfortable. Oh, yucky. I'm gonna be sick. I can't listen to the news unless I know what you're doing.

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Stop it. It makes me feel weird. After having the quit smoking in 1997 due to his heart surgery, he banned smoking in all public places and ordered all government employees to follow suit. Chewing tobacco on Turkmen soil was later banned as well. In 2000 he ordered that a giant lake be created in the desert along with a huge forest of cedar trees, which he said would help moderate Turkmanistan's climate. He does a bit of, he doubles in science as well. Man, understand all science.

You want to change the climate? Chuck in a lake. A little lake. Probably a little. Anything for you, baby. Anyway, what was your name again? Man, I'm a man. You're a man. You're a man. I'm confused and I feel sick. Anything for you baby anyway hold you on it again

I'm confused and I feel sick Maybe I'm feeling comfortable. What generals do you have? Quick show them to me Show me your genitals. I believe you show me your Rooknama He my Rooknama Did you have family? I see my rock n'a-ma. A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a- Well, he was his dentist and now his president. I don't know. I didn't read into it enough But yeah, now that you react like that. I probably should have My most trusted advisor is my dentist. Yeah, I always did a good job, and now he can lead the country I hate my I haven't been to the dentist for a very long time because I hate the dentist wife and kids got nothing In 2004 he ordered that a giant ice palace as I saw before a giant giant ice palace be built in the middle of the same desert as the lake,

the Caracom, which is the hottest location in Central Asia. And so they built an ice palace? Yeah. Probably do, you know, to help moderate... What happened to the ice palace? It moderated the climate. Yeah, it melted into the earth and it moderated the climate. It's a puddle.

He outlawed opera, ballet, and circuses in 2001 for being un-Turkman-like. Yeah, the stand-up company seen though, I reckon it's booming. This one seems weird. I only found it in one spot. He banned men from listening to car radios. Men. I'd only said men. And it's radios are fine, but not in the car. It's a sexy to turn the drive. It would have been like he would have been in a car one time and the driver would have been like slightly distracted or something like that's it. No car radios. Racing for the dial. To encourage physical activity,

Nihals have installed a 45 kilometer concrete pathway, including staircases, in the Copa Dag Mountains. All government employees had to walk 37 kilometers of this path once a year. He timed everyone and at the finish line, he would let them know if they didn't get there as fast as he thought they should. He flew to the finish line via a helicopter. Oh my god! In that sentence as well, I like to imagine that it's not like he's set. Okay, you've got 37k, so I'm going to give you this amount of time. It's like you finished Jerry. Sorry, I can't do you could have done better.

You get to the finish line and he's like, oh, I finished my steak. That takes a while. And the way I read it was like he was standing there as each person got behind his leg. With a stopwatch. No, no, no. But then he gets back in the helicopter. Welcome to the helicopter. Never walked a meter in his life.

Not since the orphanage. In February 2004, he decreed that men should no longer wear long hair or beards. Beards are out! Yes, you would be. Oh, you'd hate it. The beards would make it easy to tell the difference between men and women. Yeah.

Let them wear makeup and let them have facial hair. The problem that he has. Yeah, right. I mean, we all have that problem, I can't tell. That's right. There was that fact that made me turn. Boy. Girl.

Girl, what are you? Show me your genitals. Show me. that fact that made me turn. Boy! Go. Go. What are you? Show me your genitals. Show me your... Show me your ergonomics. That's some good ergonomics. Hey, nice ergonomics, baby. In 2005, Niazo banned the use of lip syncing at public concerts.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Nah, that one's so unfair. Lip syncing. This one. I'm thinking this one. He saw Britney's beijing on SNL and he was like, no. No. Oh, that made me feel very uncomfortable. That made me.

Niasa introduced the practice of Melonday. It was a harvest festival celebrated on the second Sunday of August. Sorry, what's the real name of that month? The one before. Alpacian. Oh, yeah. Al. The wonderful. Alpacin. Oh yeah. Alpacin. Alpacin.

The second day of Alpacin. Yeah. Melandade. What's Melandade? It was just a celebration. Of Melandade. Melandade is my favorite fruit. It is, but that is one of the few,

a lot of the things he did, didn't kick on after he died. This was one of the few things that... They've cut Melenday. No Melenday survived. Oh my god. They still celebrate Melenday. Everybody liked Melenday.

He's the last of his decrees and fun facts I've got for talking a little bit about his success at the finish was off. Gold teeth were banned. Oh, the dentists. And those with existing gold teeth had to have them extracted. Oh, fuck off. I found a quote in a few places. At first, when we could be here, and I had to find it

somewhere else to make sure it was right. But of course it was. When saying, talking about making people get their gold teeth out, he said, this is the direct quote, I watched young dogs when I was young. They were given bones to know or to strengthen their teeth. Those of you whose teeth have fallen out, did not chew on bones.

This is my advice. You're out of the gold. Get on all bloody barn Aren't you a dog and yet he trusted these dentists Oh, sorry, his dentist was also a kelp The band from the city Dentist He kicked he kicked haven't a confusing things in there he kicked dogs out. He kicked, how about it? Confusing things in there. He kicked dogs out.

Says, be like a dog. Be like a dog. Don't listen to my dentist. My dentist is your new president. Whoa, confusing. Oh my god. And do you have any idea what the country's like now? Well, I've got a little, I don't have a huge idea.

Like, I mean, I don't have a huge idea where it at the place at all. But his successor is president Cool Bangouli Burdheim Muck Hammedov and he began pretty quickly to, he began introducing reforms to start winding back the cult of personality that was going on. He is

Aray's rules on the use of personality that was going on. He has raised rules on the use of internet. Oh, fuck. So, I've got the internet now. And he began to open the country to foreign investment. He got rid of the anthem with all the... Call the praising the... Tuck my bashi. Since his... since Niaz of death

Tuckabashi's death He got rid of all his portraits around everywhere Oh gone Apparently though he's replacing with his own Uh-huh Uh-huh He changed back all the names of months and days Two

In 2008 back to what they were Oh damn And he restored pensions to more than 100,000 at all he citizens. Oh. So he did some good stuff. Oh, yeah, it's great stuff. But he's now. The new guy, but he's still like.

He's in power now. He's in power. This is the new guy. So this is what he did. That's what he's done since he's been in power in 2006. Mm-hmm. So he's done some OK things. He's been in power that whole time, 10 years.

Oh, no, there's a bar. There's a bar. Goody's face. No, no, the bar. I haven't looked in there. What fucked up things he's done, okay things. He's been in power that whole time, ten years. Oh, no, there's a bug. There's a bug. Goody's face. No, no, the bug. I haven't looked in there what fucked up things he's done, which I'm sure there are. But I'm finishing on a fun fact about this guy. Hopefully it's not as fun as some of the other stuff,

but it's got a little bit of quirk. It shows that he's got a couple antics of his own. It is a big fan of Akal Teek Horses, which is the Turkmenistan's National Animal Emblem. So this new president has also written a book. And it's called The Flight of Celestial Race Horses. And it opens with the words, I won't call you horse.

I will call you brother. LAUGHTER You were dearer than brother. And in 2011, he decreed that the nation would host an annual beauty contest for horses. So this guy, he's got a little bit of work to bet him as well. I know where I'm moving. You got to see videos and photos of this capital city. It's just a crazy, shiny, golden place. Obviously, with just people pretending that everything's OK.

It turns terrifying. Yeah, it is a, it's, ugh. Anyway, look, that's a some really breezing over a horrible thing. But just some of that weird stuff. So thanks again for the suggestion that one came straight out of the hat from at Rewind Turtle on the Twitters. Thanks Rewind Turtle, that was very interesting. I never heard of this guy, so that was a really nice gift.

I'll never forget him. I still forget his name between sentences. Super Morat Nialsov or Turkman Bashi. Turkman Bashi is a great ring to it. Amazing. Good well done Matt. Thank you Matt. That was so great.

We'll thank Rewan Turtle. I think you're Rewan Turtle. And we will post some of those links to different videos and stuff. You've got to see him greeting people on the plane. Oh man. Hello, welcome to plane. Hello, welcome to plane. I'm burning it down. Actually, you don't need to see.

Dave did a good enough theater of the mind for that one. Thank you. Thank you very much. Yeah, so that's pretty much wrapping it up. Hey, Dave, I'd love to thank everyone who's been tweeting in and giving us sweet five-star reviews. Oh, yeah, it's very, very nice. We've got quite a few new listeners lately.

So if you're enjoying the show, it helps to get it out there enough on the charts and that kind of stuff. If you give us a sweet review, it always feels nice to read those words too. And if you want to start, we've getting heaps of suggestions. But if you want to throw something into the hat, yeah, you can do it in three ways. You can find us on Facebook.

We don't talk about that a lot, but we do have a Facebook page where we post all links and stuff. Slash, do go on pod. Do go on pod, I believe it is. A Twitter, we're at do go on pod. And email do go on pod at gmail.com. So get in the hat.

Get your suggestions in the hat or just ride in with anything. You know, ask what, ask what, what do you reckon Dave's weight is? Have we talked about that. It's very low But if you're only writing and have a guess you can win everything. I think we've mentioned it before Are we okay? Yeah, but if they're listening. Yeah, that's right. They're nice But they don't know about fluctuations. They're in that current way. Oh sure We did break to have an Indian meal during this. Did you notice that list? No probably not probably noticed I Sound a lot less depressed than I did at this time.

It picked us up. Jet lag, I'm jet lagged. Jet lagged from that, no time difference. Oh, thanks for listening everyone. We'll be back with another report next week, but until then, take it easy and bye. Rock Nama. I hate it as rock Nama. Rock Nama! Why did it just rock Nama? Rock Nama! Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT.

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