Do Go On - 298 - The Disappearing Parliamentarians (Lord Lucan & John Stonehouse)

Episode Date: July 7, 2021

In 1974, two members of the Parliament of the United Kingdom DISAPPEARED! The first, Lord Lucan lived the high life, and was seen as a real life James Bond. He was also accused of murder. The other, John Stonehouse was in financial ruin after being accused of spying on his country. Within 12 days of each other, both men vanished. So what the hell happened to them?Get a ticket to our 300th episode live stream, Saturday July 10: https://sospresents.com/programs/dogoon-300thGet tickets to be in our 300th episode live studio audience: https://www.trybooking.com/BSKYC Get a ticket to our show at the Great Australian Podcast Festival on Nov 6: https://www.livenation.com.au/greataustralianpodcastfestivalFor tickets to Matt's Live Taping at Stupid Old Studios (and shows in Adelaide and Brisbane): https://www.mattstewartcomedy.com/ Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPodBuy tickets for our screening of The Mummy on September 10: https://www.lidocinemas.com.au/mummyBuy tickets to our streamed shows (there are 16 available to watch now! All with exclusive extra sections): https://sospresents.com/authors/dogoon Check out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​ Check out Matt’s Beer show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ej4TUguJL58 Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat:

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnocky and as always I'm here with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart.

Hey Dave, how's it going? Do you? I always edit it out but your big inhale before you start the intro is fantastic. I made it even bigger than usual today, didn't I? Really just to get the words out. I leave it in and I turn it up. So it always starts to... Give me seconds.

Great to be here. Obviously, ran here. Yeah, I'm training for a marathon. No, you're not. That's not true. It's not true, everyone. That is recording on a treadmill. No, I'm not training for a marathon,

but I have been training for our 300th live episode. The segways on this guy. Where was he going? I've been training for 299 weeks with you guys. And I think we're finally ready to live stream, our 300th episode, this Saturday night, July the 10th. and you can watch it from anywhere in the world. You can watch it live as it goes out, comment along with other people,

or you can watch it on catch up. I like that as a selling point. You can comment along. Well, some people really get in there, and then often they get to the end of the episode and say, no idea what they said. Yeah, they've just been having a chat. I'll have to listen to it.

Which is lovely. Yeah, that's great. It's a social way to watch it. If you're interested, or you can just watch it any other time on catch-up on demand. And yeah, yeah, yeah, we'd love to, love to see you there. Obviously we won't be seeing you there, but you'll be seeing us there. We'd love for you

to see us there. Yeah, that would be great. There's like an exclusive extra show at the end that you only get if you get tickets to the stream. And that's even on catch up. Even on catch up. And there's also, there's tickets for people in the room, but they're all gone, aren't they Dave? There's a few tickets left. We've been

able to increase. We just had a few Patreon people in the room. But we've increased capacity just slightly, so there's a couple of tickets and I literally mean a couple of you want to come see us in the room. Saturday night, This Saturday, 10th of July, at 8.30pm, Melbourne time. But, you know, you can work it out. There's actually a listing on the SOSPresents.com ticket link where it says,

what time it will be for you all around the world. I'm so excited for that. People can also come to see us if they want to wait a bit longer. In November, we're at the Palais for the Great Australian Beer Spectacular. No, that's not right. The Great Australian Podcast Festival. That's right. We are doing it.

That's another big Saturday night show. Yeah. Like you said, at the Palais. Lots of great other podcasts of being a part of this. You know, you've got our friends at the Dum Dumm Club. Tofot with Will Anderson. Can we call them our friends? Tofop.

Actually, I went to the footy with Charlie. Yeah. That's something you do with friends. You can't go to the footy with a stranger. He did keep saying, okay, acquaintance. It's interesting. He said a little further away. It's interesting that he said that.

Yeah, it is interesting. Okay. I think it's just Charlie being a Charlie. A little bit further. Fuck off. Fuck off. And you were like, Ah, Tava.

Love banter between mates. Friends, best friends. So, yeah, tickets for that are available right now. The Great Australian Podcast Festival.com. And if you're in the mood for seeing stuff, why not come see me do some stand-up comedy? I'm coming to Brisbane on the 14th of July. I'm pretty sure that's sold out, though.

New show is in Adelaide on the 15th of July. There are tickets available to that. I haven't been Adelaide for a while. Adelaide notoriously don't buy tickets to things. So prove them wrong. And hey, what a great chance. We haven't been to do a do-go-on over there for a while. If enough people say to me after the show,

hey, why don't you bring do-go on? I'll get right on the phone of Jess there and say, Jess, book it in. And I'll say, who is this? I'll say, fuck off. Over there, no. How did you get this number? But the biggest one I'd love people to grab tickets to is I'm doing a taping.

I'm going to tape the show. so that people can see it in other places who haven't been able to get to in recent times around the world. So if you want to be in that, if you want to immortalise the back of your head, maybe even your laugh, ideally. Ideally, you're laughing.

Is he got a really funny head? Yeah, I want to immortalise your funny-looking head. So you can come along to that on Thursday, the 29th of July. There's two sessions, 630 and 830. The 631 is getting close to selling out. and the 8.31's got tickets available. Come to both if you want to.

Going back to back. Yeah. See how many words I say differently. Wow. Good. It's normal. It could be as many as seven or eight. And at the end, approach Matt and say, it was nine tonight.

Yeah, let him know. But yeah, that'd be really cool to see you at those. That one, the taping is at this very studio, Suburiel Studios. A beautiful studio. Absolutely beautiful. A second home, third time. What's second for you? Second, it'd probably be like my parents' place, I guess.

Third would be like the holiday home I've gone to my whole life. And then this is probably four. The holiday, I know. Yeah, the half. Oh, wow. My grandparents, a little wooden shack. Stubral Jers was literally my only home for a while when I lived here. But anyway.

Anyway, he can get tickets to all those shows, the 300 of the episode, the Great Australian Podcast Festival, all of Matt's fantastic stand-up gigs. and we've put a link in the description of this episode to all of those. Just click through, very easy. It's too easy, if anything. Matt Stewartcom is my one if you can't be bullied scrolling. If that's not easy enough. All right, let's crack in to this episode.

And you know what? I want to ask Matt, what do we do here? What are we doing here? Geez, I normally am the one who throws that question out, so I haven't had to answer it in a while. He's been throwing me under the bus a lot lately, so you have a go. Which is fun. and I can see now how it's also mean.

So what happens is one of the three of us gets a topic, usually suggested by a listener, often voted by Patreon supporters. We go away, we research it, we read about it, we watch some docos about it, we just bathe in it, bathe in the knowledge. Oh, yeah. And then we bring that knowledge back in the form of a report

and we read it out to the other two who don't know what the topic's going to be until the report starts. And it always starts with a question. This week, Dave is, doing the topic. I'm still wet from the knowledge bath. I've just come straight in. I hated that so much. I forgot.

Oh, Jess, you didn't need to say so. It was clear. In my silence and my disappointment. I came straight. I didn't even have time to grab a towel and I apologize. But the knowledge is fresh. Look there's some. Just splash Jess in the face. Stop it. No. Anyway,

the question that we start with. The report starts with the question. What's this week's question now? All right. My question for you is John Stonehouse. And John Bingham, the seventh Earl of Lucan, were both members of British Parliament, and in 1974, they both what? Became? Wait, Lucan, isn't that like,

that's werewolves or vampires? Isn't it? No. What's the word I'm thinking of? Wicked. Wicked? I have no idea. They both. Do you think of Lupin, is that?

Lupin, probably. Oh. Is it? Doesn't matter. I just think they both became werewolves That's my guess Matt's looking in werewolves I'm saying in what years is 74?

1974 I think they both did a come Oh they became dads Cannot confirm Nor deny You can pretty much assume They went the whole year So I think I think I got you on a fucking

But they did it doggy style Because they were were were wolves A bit of regret face early on there Let me just tell you There's a clue Wait, what So Is this something we would know

Would we have heard? No, but you can get No, you wouldn't probably know the story But you can probably guess They died They disappeared. They disappeared! Fuck you!

Matt, Fuck you. That was great, honestly. Praise you. Like you should. Matt, Fuck you. Okay, fair enough, like you should.

That's right in 1974 I want to fuck you like I should Oh my own Uh huh Uh huh In 19794 John Stonehouse and John Bingham Both members of British Parliament

And they both disappeared Wow 74 74 174 Wow that's weird This one was voted for by the Patreon supporters A Sydney Scheinberg

Deluxe Memorial Package members So thank you so much for choosing this topic And it's been suggested because it is essentially two different topics here. Oh. Suggested by a few people. Lord Lucan, the first guy. He suggested it himself.

Wow. Talk about me. Please. A bit desperate, mate. Come on. And he's even, like, in the suggestion listed his location. He's like, please find me. Suggested by Dan Smith from South End on Sea in the UK.

Chris Williams from South Wales. James Edwards from London. Scott Coventry from Greenick. Holly Franklin from Yorkshire Julie Bay in Iowa and Ben Whittingham in Liverpool And then the other guy, John Stonehouse suggested by two people

Ella Robinson Clark from Melbourne And Hannael Gersinski From Urfatt in Israel Oh awesome So it's a worldwide topic Yeah a lot of It seemed like there was quite a few Brits in there It might be a big topic over there

They'd probably be a bit more familiar Yeah So you guys don't know either of those students Is it their kind of Harold Holt maybe Well, let's find out. That feels like a yes. She's answer the fucking question, Dave. It's honestly...

Fuck's sake. Not. You can't answer the question. Jeez, you're dropping a few Fs today, Jess. Yeah. Too many? Have I... Have I met my quota already?

I'm afraid so. Damn! We really have a PG rating. I'm not quite past the watermark yet. John Thompson's Stonehouse was born on the 28th of July 1925 in Southampton on the south coast of England

and when I googled Southampton Scones it looks like they did them correctly put the jam on the bottom. Thank you Google Images So that was Maybe that puts you off this guy already Matt But It is funny that you're so proud of this thing

That everyone does You mean everyone does it correctly Well I mean if you think mainstream Dream is correct, then sure. Enjoy listening to Coldplay and having your jam on first. So do you like underground scones? Yeah. I like scones you've probably never even heard of it.

Like, it's fine that you don't get it, but that's just how... You probably never even heard of the combinations I use. It's pretty embarrassing, but... Dirt and bricks. It tastes good. You wouldn't get it. John Stonehouse was born into quite a political family. His mother, Rosina, was a former mayor,

and counsellor in Southampton and his father was a trade unionist. It seemed that young John was destined for a political life and at the age of 16, he joined the Labour Party. He was conscripted into the Royal Air Force in 1944 and after the war was educated at the London School of Economics. He was a very smart guy and boasted about having an IQ of 140. How he boasts about it.

Sounds cool. Sounds like a cool guy. I'd love to hang around with a 16-year-old politician. He boasts about his IQ. Sounds like a real cool guy. It sounds like a cool guy. I would have seen at train stations in my youth. Eating a scorn correctly, though, mainstream.

What's a high IQ? Well, Jess, I'm glad you asked because I wanted to put that into context with other famous people, and I came across two articles. The first was called Celebrities with Surprisingly High IQs. And another one was called Dumb as a Box of Hammers, celebrities with low IQs. Great. Well, I can't wait to find out which list I'm on. The answer may shock you.

I just went with a high IQ's page for context. If that scale is right, one forward you would make John Stonehouse slightly smarter than Arnold Schwarzenegger, who was 132 to 135, but not as intelligent as Lisa Kudrow, who's listed as 154. Does that put that into context? She's studying science, I believe. I guess you've got to be pretty smart for that.

154 is. That's genius level. Wow. He's very intelligent. 140 is near genius. Anything above 140, you are off the chart. Oh, shit. So he's a very, very smart guard.

Okay. You're also off the chart, but... The other way. I've got emotional intelligence. I've got street smarts. What's your street IQ? Street IQ? 200.

Wow. Yeah. Max points. That's way more than Lisa Kutrow's Street RQ. Yeah. She gets mugged all the time. Not me. She gets mugged by me.

Mostly. I mug Lisa Kudra all the time. Is Streetaki your success as a criminal? Yes! Nerd? What is street smarts? Is it to do with mugging? If you have to ask.

Yeah, you don't have. Sorry, mate. You don't got it. Hey, I'm not smart in the streets, but I'm smart in the sheets. Just saw they're coming a long way. I fucking knew it. Sheets smarts, oh God. The time he said, you were menser in the sheets.

One of the funniest things I've ever seen And a whole crowd just like laughing But also going, no, you're not I know you check out the list of all right Celebrities who are surprisingly smart in the shape Stonehouse served as director And then president of the London Cooperative Society But his dream was to be a politician

And he ran in the 1949 County Council election And lost He then contested the seat of Twickenham in 1950 and lost. Okay. Then in Burton in 1951, he lost.

Okay, all right. Seeing a pattern. But finally, in 1957, he stood for the seat of Wensbury in the West Midlands and was elected to the House of Commons, which is the UK Parliament's lower house at the age of 32.

He's just trying every seat. I'm imagining, do you have to live in the area? Is he moving house a lot? He's moving all the time. He's like, okay, struck out there, next. I'm a local

I'm campaigning on local values I love it here in Check notes You know down at the local shops in the Quarry Is that what that is? Is that a quarry?

You guys got Bunnings? That famous tree That we all know and love Oh you don't know the tree You call yourself a local Welcome to town He's just gas-lighting people What a dick

Yeah Real piece of work this guy Do we like this guy or not? I can't tell. Well, you tell me. I just asked you. I mean, he's got the... I'm asking you to tell me. That he's boasting about.

He's hanging out at train stations apparently. I like him a lot. He's contesting election after election. Yes. In February 1959, Stonehouse traveled to Rhodesia, which is now Zimbabwe, on a fact-finding tour, which sounds fun. But it wasn't that fun of him because within two years, he was expelled from Rhodesia.

after criticizing the white minority government of southern Rhodesia and encouraging black residents to stand up for their rights. Oh. So maybe we do like this guy. But according to the Shropshire Star, his stance on ethnic minorities won him good support back home and his career began to take off. Oh, okay.

So it kicked out, but it looked good for him. Right. Interesting. And in 1967, he became the Minister of State for Technology and he was the last holder of the post of Postmaster General and oversaw the introduction. of second-class stamps in 1968, and if that's not a big claim to fame.

Wow. I'm sick of being treated like a second-class stamp. Second-class tramp. Oh, sorry. Well, politically, he seemed destined for great things. Apparently, he wanted to be Prime Minister, and looking at his trajectory here, it probably didn't seem like too far-fetched of an idea.

And around this same time, another star was on the rise, albeit in a different echelon of UK society. John Bingham. Our other character today was born in Marleybone in London on the 26th of August, 1934. Matt can never remember which one of us. Oh, that's one, yeah. Very important date on the calendar.

Thank you. Happy birthday to one of you. Happy birthday to John Bingham, please. He was born to George, Charles, Patrick, Bingham, the sixth Earl of Lucan, and Baroness Caitlin Elizabeth Ann Dawson. Elizabeth Ann Dawson. Caitlin, okay, yeah, there's a lot in there. Yeah, a lot of names.

I feel like that's them being like, right, I've got to pay tribute to you and you and also Aunt Caitlin. Yeah, I hadn't heard many Caitlin's back then. That's interesting. I'm probably wrong. I just haven't heard of that many Caitlin's back in the day, you know? Back in the 30s. Well, he was born in the 30s, so she was probably born in what the 20s? Yeah.

Had him young back then. They did have him young. The tens. She's really born in the tens. Big Em, this is the young one. Was born into an Anglo-Irish aristocratic family that had once owned vast estates. He had some famous relatives, including the third Earl of Lucan, who was commander of the British cavalry and when acting on Lord Raglan's orders,

ordered the fateful charge of the Light Brigade during the Crimean War, which is a comedy of errors that is definitely worthy of a report one day. Is that a song as well? Yes, it's a Tennyson poem, I believe. A poem. Charge a little light brigade. Yeah, I know nothing about that, but that phrase sounds very familiar. Yeah, and it was like immortalised by that, yes.

Yes. Yeah, so it was. Tennyson, it was. By the 1930s, the family had lost its lands, though, and most of its fortune. I should say that was still very well off. They just were, before that had. just excesses amounts of money. Oh dear.

According to the Irish times, Luchin's father was a socialist, but his son would grow up with no such sympathy for left-wing politics. Instead, he would grow up to embrace an old-fashioned, aristocratic lifestyle, drinking, gambling, and spending money that he didn't have.

Oh, that's the way to do it. Live fast. Yeah. Do go on way. Live fast. Regret it. Yeah. Die real old.

crap. Crap. Live fast diarrhea. Classic vandalist chune. And I think we live by that. It's a bit of fun. I do love to live fast and diarrhea. Despite his perceived privilege,

the young lord didn't have the easiest childhood. It should be said it. During the Second World War, at the age of six, he was evacuated to Wales and North America and was separated from his parents for five years. Oh, no. And on his return, they sent him straight to boarding school at the very expensive Eton College.

So I didn't have a great relationship with this. Aidan College comes up a bit in, I think in past reports, watching the Crown. I think that's where Prince Charles and a lot of Prime Ministers went. Yes. I was looking at up. The school fees there is equivalent to over $100,000 a year. Uh-huh.

Very expensive. Okay. I'm sitting in the office going, uh-huh, uh-huh. Yep, yep, yep. Okay, well, I'll have a look into that. Yes. Thank you. Is that my phone ringing?

Sorry. Just that. I just want to, because my dad does listen to this podcast, so I just want, Dave, if you could just say those school fees just one more time. $100,000 per year. So dad, maybe stop telling me how much my schooling cost. I turned out fine and, you know, could have been worse.

Is that really something that comes up a bit? Dad loves to tell me how much it costs to raise kids. Wow, I mean, that's a good lesson to learn. Well, it costs more to raise royal kids. Yeah. Dad. If you're thinking about becoming a lord, Lord John. Which I was.

I was thinking about becoming a lord. In fact, you made us at night. I'm not a lord and a lady. And now I've got to raise royal kids. I assume you'd be sending your children both to Eaton College. A hundred grand is there? Yeah. And I have eight children.

Oh, God. Oh, no. Sending the dog there? Is that just eating school for dogs? I must send the dogs. The scholarships are available. There's even a bunch of people there that don't pay any fees. So if you have a gifted child, maybe?

Maybe one who's bragging about it. You know me. Of course she's having her. I don't have a gifted child. Well, maybe you were marrying a Mensa in the sheets and? I got happy little dickheads. Woo! They're so dumb!

Look, I've got to tell you, I'm about to brag about how good Eaton can be for the young lad. It was that eaten that John developed a taste for gambling. He supplemented his pocket money with money he earned through bookmaking. He was regularly seen leaving school to attend horse races. He's a little bookie. He's a bookie. That's so cute. John, we spent 100 grand this year and you haven't made to do any classes.

You've just been at the track. Picture him with his little tote bag and whatever they called. I'm imagining a very small kid, you know, with all the other bookies at the races. that's why it's cute. Last cold? Yeah, that's fun. But he's like really tough.

You know, he's a tough thing. Yeah, yeah. He doesn't take any crap. Oh, it's very friendly. Very friendly while you're making the bets. Yeah, yeah.

But if you owe money, thumbs will be broken. And that's just the first step. Knee caps next. The teacher looks around the room and half the kids have broken thumb. Miss I can't hold a pencil. Yeah.

The principal's wheeled in. I'm sorry, John. I'm sorry, I'll pay you back. I'm good for it. I'm on a teacher's salary. I know I've been eaten, but the fees don't really filter back into the teachers. I'm still on a very basic wage. You watch yourself, sir.

You would think if it's a hundred grand a year per kid, the teachers are being very well compensated, right? They should be, right? I mean, they should be the best teachers that money can get, right? Yeah, and they should be compensated for having to deal with those absolute turds. It's also not even the most expensive. I think I read it's the third or fourth most expensive.

So heaven knows what the most expensive school is costing. Yeah, I bet you some of the teachers there probably even went to Eaton. And they're going, well, not quite earning back the sunk cost there. It's, it was Lichen is the werewolf thing. Lichen. That took you a while. Well, I wasn't looking all the time, but I just knew there'd be people yelling at their iPods. You know that

When you're getting to Werewolves and vampires There's some very passionate people When I go loop and werewolf Which is what I thought you're referring to Remus Lupin I thought you're referring to from Harry Potter Oh

Oh wow That's what I think you're saying too So I've combined the two maybe Two levels Yeah I'm also looking forward to the tweets Being like Does Jess have eight kids

You'll never know Does Jess need financial help With those eight kids Those eight little dickets Let's get a A go fund me going to send Jess's kids to eat. All eight of them. All we need is $800,000.

Okay. Oh, yeah. Is it a primary to 12? Yeah. You go there and board forever. Okay, we're going to need quite a lot of money. That's okay. How many girls have you got?

I'm assuming they don't take girls. Yeah, I'm assuming they don't take girls. Because what's the point? You know, why would a girl need a prime minister's education? Yeah, you put them to work straight away. Kids, go to school. A girl. Go go to school.

No, she'll be in the factory. Okay. No, my girls are all going to be elite sports women. Wow. I'm going to learn that. That's the fact on the factory school. My boy's going to be bakers. Wow.

Wow. Even if none of them want any of that, don't care. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Do as mommy says. Like when people force her kids like to like, you know, hold a golf club or a tennis racket at the age of one, I'm just getting the kid to start baking.

Yeah, in you go. I'd no idea why, but the day you were born, I decided you'd be a baker and bake you shell. Bake you shell. You bake until you're 18, and then you're not my problem anymore. You're on your own kid. No, that's when they're making it to the top of the baking world,

and you're always there in the background. It's a real stage mum of baking. I'm still, look, I'm looking after the finances. I'm actually the baker manager, so. I'm actually going to change my, no, I'm not even going to change my name, but all my kids will have the surname Baker. Yeah. Nominative determinism. That's great. They're making a lot of bread, but I'm making all the dough.

Have you changed the name? Is that determinative nomitism? That makes no sense. Bit of fun. A bit of fun. All right. Well, so he left Eaton, actually, to undertake national service, which at the time everyone was quite to do, during which time he added poker to his arsenal of gambling. Of course. When he left the army a couple of years later, he joined a London-based merchant bank on an annual salary of 500 pounds, which wasn't heaps.

This led him to meet a wealthy stockbroker who introduced him to backgammon, which he also bet on. An annual salary of 500 pounds. His school costs a hundred. No, that's currently. Currently, yeah. And I was still like, that doesn't add up. Okay, sure. Well, I'll put that 500 pounds into perspective in a second because he was pretty good at gambling and won lots of money playing.

backgammon and bridge, so he's main things. The only problem was that he often lost even more money playing. So he'd win a small fortune, but then lose like a medium fortune. Shit. On one occasion, Lucan lost 8,000 pounds. Remember, his annual salary is 500. Which is two-thirds of the money he received annually from various family trusts. Okay.

So he lost nearly all of that in one go. Another time he lost 10,000 pounds in one night. He had to borrow money from family members to borrow him, to bail him. Oh, he's that family member. So hang on. So he's making £500 a year at his job, but he's also getting... Like 10,000 plus pounds a year from family trusts. So he doesn't need the job.

Not really. The job is like pocket money, but not even. People like to work. Oh, I'm not saying, I'm just saying like he doesn't need the job. He loves it. He works for the passion of course. He loves merchant banking. But it's like a, it's an absolute blip in the ocean of money he has.

But one big win. is all you need to keep you going. And Lucan gave up his job at the merchant bank after winning 10 times his annual salary in one night by playing Shaman Defer. Maybe he doesn't love working that much. Which is a, that's a form of baccarat that's James Bond's favorite card game.

Oh, okay. He said after the win, why should I work in a bank when I can earn a year's money in one single night at the tables? Yeah, that's clever. Yeah, great point. Which makes sense. If you don't lose.

The success earned him the nickname Lucky. Lucky Luka. Fuck, that's a good nickname. Lucky. Oh, great. He began to really live the highlight after this. Gambling, playing golf, driving power boats,

sipping the best Russian vodka, and driving an Aston Martini. Shagin'Oxed. Well, driving at Aston Martin, is what I was going to say, because he's been described as debonair, wealthy, charismatic. He was six foot two

and rocked a quote, luxuriant mustache. Luxuriant. Luxuriant mustache. Love that. What does that mean in terms of mustache? Obviously, luxuriant is a word I use quite frankly. I'm not in terms of. I haven't come across it.

I'm picturing it. That must mean big, right? It means fancy. Fancy. So does it have a curl to it? It's this, what year is this? Like the 60s? I'm looking for, yes, this is the 60s.

I'm looking for the dictionary definition, Luxuriant, thick and healthy. Okay, he's got a thick moustache. And known for it. So he gambles, drinks expensive vodka, drives and Aston Martin. Sound like anyone else you know. Yeah. Matt.

And you said he was like six foot. Six foot two? Yeah. And look at Matt's luxuriant mustache. That's right. Attached to his even more luxuriant beard. Oh. Yeah, I got a lot of luxuriants on my face.

Yeah, he's a luxuriant guy. That's why I say I use that word a lot. It's in relation to my good friend, Matt. I was thinking that he reminded me of a certain character. Yeah, me. Remus Lupin. Is that what you're talking about? Remus Lupin?

Yeah, the werewolf. Did Bond ever have a moustucker? I don't remember a Bond with a moustache. It feels like they must have toyed it. Could have. Don't you reckon he could have if you wanted to? That's something about Bond. I forget you're a big Bond fan, Dave.

I'm a Bond fan. And this guy, John Bingham, was actually considered. for the role of James Bond. Really? No way. But he declined producer Albert Rockerley's invitation to do a screen test. Because he's not an actor, right?

Is that part of the reason? But he looks the part. Okay. Wow, that's cool. So he got an invitation, which is... And the Aston Martin. That helps. Yeah, well, they're like, you could...

Can we use your car as well? That'll save us a bit on hiring, please. B-Y-O car. Yeah. And, yeah, he already plays Bond's favorite game. Yeah. Was Bond based on him at all?

No, Bond was around before this. Was he based on Bond, I think, was maybe a better question. Wow. Yeah. Good question. What character have you based yourself on? Lupin. Mm-hmm.

I see that. I know one character at a time. Yeah. Lupin, Charles Lupin or whatever? Remus. Remus. Remus. In 1963, John Bingham, James Bond,

married Veronica Duncan in a star-starched. studded wedding and they had an extravagant honeymoon on the Orient Express. Veronica Duncan is a fantastic name. That sounds like a character as well. Veronica Duncan. Oof, that's good. And then the Orient Express is where Poirot solved a murder. Speaking of luxuriant mustaches.

Yes. The groom's father gave him a large gift for the wedding, which was very welcomed by his son. He was supposed to spend it on a house, but he used a lot of it to pay back his creditors. Oh my God. He did buy house. She's marrying into this. I mean, that's good that he paid back some creditors. Yeah.

Things are on the out. If you said, use it to gamble more, that would have been worse. You know, first thing Barefoot a Vessa tells you to do is just wipe your debts, you know. Right. So, I'm getting rid of your debts and he's doing that. Call up your creditors. I'm wiping this. Yeah, I'm wiping this.

I'm not going to wipe this anymore. I'm over it. There's actually been pretty stressful. I'll pay you back all this money. I'm not going to do it anymore. Okay. I'll wipe up. Hurro.

Consider yourself wiped. Doodles. So yeah, don't get on me anymore because this is done. We're done here. Okay. It's been fun, but it's over. The gravy train is pulling out of the station, buddy. The best 12 bucks I ever spent on the barefoot investor.

Save me millions. Honestly, I didn't realize it was that simple. Jeez, he's good. Bingham got an even larger financial injection when his father, the sixth Earl of Lucan died two months after the wedding. Leaving his son are reported 250,000 pounds. Huge money. It's quite a lot.

When he's making 500 bucks a year. I'm not going to work anymore. I'm done. The younger Bingham also acquired his father's titles. Earl of Lucan, Baron Lucan of Castle Bar. The title in the peerage of Ireland dates back to 1691. So he was named the 7th Earl of Lucan. Right.

There'd only been 7th Earl of Lucan. of them. It's 1600s. Got longevity in their genes. Bloody out. Yeah, they live a long time. Maybe they were were wolves. Do they live long?

That's a weird thing to assume. I guess so. You kind of assume they wouldn't, right? I mean, they're out all night, eating goats? That's got to take a toll. They're out all night eating goats. Eat and eating. Get some sleep, did you?

That sleep schedule. Out all night. Bloody hell, that'll wreck you. I think, I'm sure, having good sleep cycles and all that does. help with health and living a long life. So I think the werewolves need to take stock of that. Maybe limit the all-night goat eating. Yeah.

You know, maybe we can schedule that for brunch goat eating. Yes. Oh, that's good. Yeah. I don't know why you... Why you're obsessed with nighttime going to be? Yeah. Why are you letting the moon rule, you know, your schedule?

Have you heard of the sun? Yeah. You idiot. The sun, you know how the moon's brought when it's a full moon? That's the sun. Try the sun. Maybe if you like the moon, give the sun to go.

You'll love the sun. Oh my God. We're going to blow your mind with the sun. Oh, the moon's not quite full yet, not bright enough. Oh, my God. Oh, really? I'll stop you right there. Have I got the thing for you?

Matt, getting a lecture to a nocturnal animal? What are you doing? What are you? Sleeping all day. You're wasting your day. What are you? teenager.

Bloody, wasting your days away. Wake up, be productive, okay? Let's get up at 6am, go for a job. Okay, get the heart rate going. Yeah. Then we'll do a brunch. We'll have a goat for brunch. Yeah, then you can have your goat.

You've earned your goat. I personally won't have a goat, to be honest. I might have avocado toast or some ricotta hotcakes. Rikota hotcakes. Skinny latte. But you can have a goat. whatever you want. Oh, I don't know if it's on the wolf's going.

Ricardo hot case. Yum, yum, yum. I'm so sorry, Dave. But that was a tangent we needed to have for our werewolf listeners. It needed to be said. Yeah, I'm sick of him. I'm sick of him. So he was named the seventh Earl of Lucan,

and with great title comes great responsibility. He feels like the kind of guy is going to step up to responsibility. Now, back during this time, and until 1999, which is pretty wild to me, an entitlement of all hereditary peers, which is Lords, all that sort of stuff, was membership to the House of Lords. Like Australia's federal parliament,

the United Kingdom is divided into two houses. There's the House of Commons, the Lower House, which is made up of voted in members of Parliament, like our old mate John Stonehouse, where I talked about the start of the episode. Boris Johnson, the current Prime Minister, all those sort of people, they come from there.

And then there's the upper house, which is the House of Lords, which like I said, until 1999 was made up of peers like Lord Lucan and hundreds of other people. People just born in the world. Unlike those commoners like Boris Johnson. True, true. But at least you've got a campaign and stuff. Back until 1999, these people, you know, his dad dies. Suddenly he's just a member.

Wow. That feels right. I mean, the Queen is our head of state. I don't know. Very similar deal there. Yeah, it's a bit... Who's their head of scent? I never asked them.

Let she get their own queen. Anyway. Yeah, we got the screen. She's actually English, though. You should get one of... Have you met her? Yeah, you should get one of them. She got a queen.

I think she spends quite a bit of her time in the UK. She's got a holiday house in London. Yeah, she's got her home there. Yeah. I'm sure of it. She definitely has a bit of an accent. I think she's got a bit of an English twang to her. But you know, when you move here, a post to the age of like 15,

and you don't lose the accent. accent. I think she's, you know, yeah. She's like 90 something. She might even have a dual citizenship. Yeah, I think so. Wow. I don't know what passport she has, but she's probably got a couple. Fun fact. No passport? No passport. The Saints won, the Premiership in 1966. Wow. No, no, she does not have a passport. I just knew the people out there one of that said. Did you feel that sometimes? That's why I said I don't know which passport she has. Yeah, I know. And that's why I'm like, oh, people are going to be bristling. I'm actually

Sometimes people don't like to read between the lines And I appreciate that If it could be said Let's say it So yeah He's just inherited this title And he's now a member of the House of Lords And he's got a lot of responsibility

And his dad gave him all that money to buy a house And he paid off his creditors So I assume now with all this responsibility He's going to like settle on down And just be a really good A really good lord whatever Barron someone I'm dude.

Well, Lord Luchin and his wife, Veronica, they had three children, Francis, George and Camilla. Good names. And he seemed to be on top of the world. For a while there, it was going really well. He had money, a title, and his gambling was actually profitable for a bit. He was on a winning streak. That's what... Lucky Lukin.

Yeah, things were going well for Lord Lucky Lukin. I mean, Lord Lukin is. What a name. Very good. Lucky Lukin, it's all good. Lord Lucky, it's all good. Lucky my name, but how long? with this luck last.

I assume forever. I mean, you've already told us he disappears. I still think he became a werewolf. Yeah. Well, in 1969, our other... Look, if it could, can be said. Our other mate, the other John, John Stonehouse, became Minister of Posts and Telecommunications

under Prime Minister Harold Wilson. So he's up in the cabinet. He's doing very well for himself. He's a minister. Harold Wilson, he's from the Crown. Is that a coincidence? I think not. There was a Prime Minister character on the crown called Harold Wilson.

Wow, maybe it was, um... An homage. Yeah, it could have been an homage. Yeah, yeah, tribute. Now, a random name generator. Yeah, wow, what are the odds of that? There's only so many names, you know? Hope Lichen had some cash on that.

The Werewolf Larkin, that is. So he also a gambler? Also a gambler. Right. So he's a minister, John Stonehouse, but in 1969, he also found himself in hot water when he was accused. He's having a bath? What's this? I've fallen in the bath.

I love it when we're in sync. And we're crushing it today. Look at us going. I prefer it when you're in bath. Bit of fun there. In sync. Remember when we're in bath? That was nice.

We were in bath together. I've been listening to, I'm listening to another Bill Bryson book where he's going around England. And he's still whinging about everything. I think I mentioned this on a recent episode. I was listening to Winnipe. He's old before his time. Old Bill.

Yeah. Everything's like, oh, this town's changed. Now there's a bloody hungry jacks there when it used to be a cornerstone. There's a lot of that. I've never even been here before, but this town has changed. But, yeah, it is making me go, I want to tour around the UK again. There's this one line in it, and I've been laughing about it ever since. I need to talk to you and see, is this funny?

It may be well so much. The guy who reads it isn't him. It's another guy. He does a great performance, but he says something like, there's something marvelous about catching a double-decker bus the way you see a town you see it from a different angle you can't see from any other mode of transport as people get on the bus

you see the tops of their heads and then as they come past you to sit down you look at them as if to say I've just seen the top of your head what I've just seen the top of your head is that funny Oh, it's wild.

Baffling that you, that Bill Bryson wrote that. Yeah, great line. And then he read it back and went still good. And then an editor read it and went, that's great. I mean, it's so. And then in the audio booth, when that, the person reading has read it out, they're like, can you give us another one? Yeah. It's fucking so funny.

What a choice to make. Was he, like, short on words or something? I've just seen the top of your head. I don't, yeah, I mean, I think because it's. seems like it's like what that's what's just so funny what a funny thought and then oh man i love it that's really cool russ in the kind of stream of consciousness writer that just writes any thought that comes into his head maybe but i was so i only just thought of him because when we're in bath and we did the tour of the old roman baths one of the audio tours you could do was with bill brison

anyway this is a side track and it said i've just seen the top of your head seen the top of your Roman heard. If you ever meet Bill Bryce and everyone out there knows Bill Bryson, maybe he's a neighbour of him. Just bend down. Let him have a... He loves it. Let him have a look at the top.

Let him have a look at the top. I want to inspect a crown. So John's found himself in some hot water. Hot water. Not a bath. Oh my God. Well, he could have been in the bath. When he found out the news that he was accused of spying for Czechoslovakia.

Oh. Now, communist Czechoslovakia had been occupied throughout the Second World War by... Occupado! Occupado! Hang on. Hang on. Hang, I'm taking. Someone is knocking on communist Czechoslovakia there.

And it was that your Czechoslovakian? That's the Czechoslov. Occupado. And Hitler's like, oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll leave you to it. Is that what you say if somebody knocks on the toilet door? Yeah, oh yeah, big time.

Yeah, big dab. They'd been occupied by Nazi Germany. I'm never in the toilet because a gentleman. The gentleman never shit. Stop trying to make it a thing. said this report's actually quite long. Yes. And we are having a good time.

Sorry, Dave. Dave, he's starting to have the sort of the look of a guest reporter. Yeah. Who's just trying to get through it when the three of us are absolutely taken to. We're going to shut up for a little bit. No, you don't need to. I enjoy hearing things like Bill Bryson's takes on the toss of people's head. That is genuinely very funny.

I'd listen to it laugh, laugh, hot, put the bed. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Did you get Eddie sleep? No. I was almost drifting off and that sparked me right back up. So funny. I'm enjoying this one more than his first one. But yeah, it's still some stuff in it.

It's like, oh, this is some 30-year-old takes. This one's from the 90s, but anyway. Obviously, the take of seeing the top of someone's head, that's well, how to that's time. What is this from the early 90s? Anyway, Dave, please do go on. So he's been accused. of spying for Czechoslovakia, who became part of the Soviet Union's eastern bloc on Europe

was divided after 1945. As America and the Soviets tussled for world dominance during the Cold War, Britain, an ally of the US through NATO sided with the former, with America. So Czechoslovakia, you should not be sharing any information with them, and that's what he's accused of. A cabinet minister, he was. He was accused of leaking information to the enemy, a serious allegation, and one that John Stonehouse strenuously denied.

Oh, that would be frustrating. Is there any proof of this? Well, it's got to be part of the story here. Like, obviously you get into that. Well, why don't you shut up and let me talk about it. I wanted to try to allude to it without giving anything else. I could answer it now, but that would kind of destroy this whole thing I've written. why are you asking

why are you skipping to that now what's wrong with you have you ever done this show before I'm trying to create an intertwining narrative between these two shots here Dave sorry can we just get to the point guilty no doubt did he do it and why did he disappear

why are we wasting all this time if you know the answer already just tell us you are just yammy yeah could this not be a paragraph give us the elevator pitch of this story from the Shropshire Star, which has an article about this part, the MP was left fighting for his career,

but remained calm under questioning by MI5's infamous Cold War officer Charles Elwell in the presence of Prime Minister Harold Wilson. So we got called him for a grilling with the Prime Minister watching on. He was questioned twice and extensively so, but he denied all the allegations. He said, I am not a spy. The Prime Minister himself, Harold Wilson,

denied the allegations in the House of Commons, And Stonehouse was never charged, but his political career was severely damaged. Oh, no. It's hard to be associated with that kind of thing and do well afterwards. He fell out with the Prime Minister Harold Wilson. And when Labor, his party lost the 1970 election. He was kicked out of the shadow cabinet. So he lost his portfolio, which meant he also lost the extra money that went with being in that position.

So he basically got a bit of a demotion because of the allegations. So he decided to try and make money for himself. outside of politics. Okay. Remember, he's got an economics degree, a high IQ and a pocket full of dreams. Right. And he's also got a horse. He's going to do pony rides.

Yes. He's a thinker. Yes. What could possibly go wrong? You look around your house, you go, what can I use here? Yeah, all right. Okay, I've got a kettle. I can make cups of tea for people.

Yes. I got a horse. 10 p a pot. What could I do for that? 10 p a pot. 10 p a pot. That's catchy. All right.

All right. Making progress. 10 p. But if you want a horse and a tea, 15 p. Yeah, there we go. Hors and T, 15P. That's how I remember. He's a thinker.

He's a thinker. Well, he set up a bunch of businesses around the world, including an investment bank in Bangladesh. They all failed and he got into massive, massive debt. So they can obviously agree. It's not done well. I set up a lot of businesses. Spent no time on any of them.

But I set a lot of them up. I spread myself very few. And weighted. I'm sure one of them is going to become a billion. playing the odds here, playing the odds. Just have to wait for Google to knock on the door and try and buy me out. Hyperglobal mega debt. No, that's not a good name for business.

Don't put debt in the business. Well, have I said too much? Well, according to the independent newspaper, a fund he set up to help Bangladeshi victims of a hurricane had 600,000 pounds missing from its accounts. All up, he was, so that's terrible, obviously. Oh. Does no one comment it? I was like, we have to say.

Wait, is that good? That's great. 600,000 pounds missing. Great, you've sent that to people who need it. Great. An all-up, Stonehouse was left with debts that were rumoured to be about 800,000 pounds, which is equal to about 10 million pounds today. Okay, that's a lot of pounds.

So he's in serious debt. Put that in AUD for me. That's like 20, 20 million. Yeah, just under 20 million dollars. Think about how many kids you could send to Eden with that. I can't even do that math. I carry it two, seven, eight. Two?

It's not much, actually. Yeah, not that many. Jess, half her kids. Just pick the... Pick your boys. Okay, the boys. To cover his debts, he had to do a lot of creative accounting,

which created another house of cards ready to fall on him at any moment. He created a house made out of cards. Yeah, that was one of his investments. That's a bad idea. He thought, I'll be able to... Airbnb this experience. Would you like to sleep in the King of Hearts room or on the Ace of Clubs?

That's good. I like that actually. Oh, you're all too of Spades kind of guy, right? It's a discount room. What room would you choose? Queen of Hearts over here. Oh, I can't. Ace of Spades.

With Lemmy. You're a Lemmy. Dave. I'm a real Nine of Diamonds kind of guy. Yeah. Nine of diamonds. I like the specificity. Yeah.

Me too. So he's got, he's in debt, he's doing this dodgy accounting, he's accused of spying. He was also having an affair with his secretary, Sheila Buckley. So his personal life's also in a bit of turmoil. He asked her to forge documents and listed her as director on the majority of his companies. An affair. Was he married? Yeah, he married. He did marry and have kids.

Yeah, right. So now he's in debt. Having an affair, the politician's life was crumbling down around him. He was certainly in a bit of. of a tight spot. Wow. And this is all, this is all,

this is all, came about because he was accused of being a spy. A spy and it sort of ruined his political career.

Which is, there's no proof of it by the sounds of it. At the moment, no. No, no proof. And he's denied it.

His boss has said, no, it's bullshit but then the boss has said, I can't have you being in my cabinet anymore. Right, you're tainted. So he's still an MP, but he's just tried

to branch out and make a bit of money. I mean, MPs, I have no idea. They get paid okay probably. Yeah. But he was used to the high life.

The high life. And he thought he could make the really high life. Yeah. Now he's $20 million in debt. Yeah. It's really backfired. I'm just so lazy and not money motivated. So I'd be like MP salaries still?

All right. But you know, the thing is with that attitude, Jess, you'll never be $20 million in debt. So. Oh, I really thought you were going a different way there of like I'll never be anything. Yeah. That's what he meant. You never be. $20 million in death.

Yeah, you're right. Because I'll never care enough. Good for me. Look at me go. Both the people I'm talking about in this story, both kind of people that are like attempted to risk it all to get more. Yeah. And let's see how that works.

Gambling in the game of life. Yes. And in the game. And on the table. So back to Lord Luke and our other guy. When we left him, things seemed to be going for this real life, James Bond. Yeah. The Lord and his lady, Veronica, passed every evening at the Clermont Club, an upmarket gambling den on Barclay Square, run by eccentric zookeeper John Aspinel.

Everything about that was on. You went upmarket and then den, gambling den? Yeah. Upmarket gambling den. Run by an actual roller coaster. Run by the eccentric zookeeper. I know you hadn't even got to the zookeeper at that point. Accentric zoo.

Zookeeper, pretty straight down the line. Come to Zookeeper. Oh, no. Oh, he's eccentric. Oh, yeah. He's got long hair. He runs a gambling den. Not to be confused with his tiger den. You only made that mistake, one.

Left for the Tigers, right for the gambling. All right for the Tigers, left for the gambling. Oh, fuck. While Lukan gambled and ate the same dinner of smoked salmon and lamb chops at the Claremont. Every night, same dinner. Oh, it's very close to goat, isn't it? Yeah. I'm thinking this guy's a werewolf.

Salmon plus lamb equals goat. You get a real goat-like consistency. I get it when you find something, you know, a particular restaurant, you're like, that was so good. I'm going to get that again. But every night, mix it up a bit. I didn't read this, but I get the feeling... I get the feeling that he probably won the first night he ate that.

And it was like, well, I've got... My luck charm is the salmon plus the lamb job. I forgot he's a... Probably a gambler, yeah. It absolutely plays havoc with my guts, but... But I won that one time. I haven't shit, noinks. So he gambled often all night.

His wife was relegated to an El Cove called... Dave, all night? This is a werewolf. I did read that he got up very late because the gambling, back in the day, it only opened late in the afternoon. So he would sleep majority of the day. Yes. Yes, he's a werewolf.

Confirmed. Crack this code. Wow, Matt. You call that... early. Good for you. God, you're gifted. Just get a sense for these things. Yeah. And I never trust you. And that's my mistake. So he gambled. His wife relegated to an alcove in the club called the Windows Bench. What? That's in quotation marks here from The Guardian. As times went on, Lady Lucan became

unhappy. Why? Because she has to, what? Because she has to go with him and just sit in a bench. Yes. It's boring. Why are you going with him? Boring life. Also, it's a very up and down life. You know, sometimes he's up, sometimes he's down. You have a house. Stay there. Read a book.

I mean, how long, but you've got to be there in case he bets the house. Right. Hey, John. No, no, no, no. Like when the dog's going to piss on the bike. Leave it. Leave the house for me and my three kids. John?

John. John. Sometimes you give you a warning and if they're not listening, John. Yeah, that scares him. The couple became increasingly estranged. Veronica suffered from postnatal depression, and Lucan's gambling addiction, and waning finances really put pressure on their marriage.

And in 1973, he moved out of the family home. Lucan feared that his wife would win custody of their children in a divorce and deny him all access. Well, yeah, you sleep all day, gamble all night. I reckon probably, like, when are you going to feed him? I'll say it. Bad dad. Wow.

Oh, okay. I didn't want to say it. I didn't want to say it, but I agree. Okay. Bad dad. Well, according to the Guardian, his obsession with getting his children away from his estranged wife had led to him spying on her in a desperate attempt to discredit her. Why doesn't he just make a bet with her?

If he wins, he gets the kids. I bet the kids. Not Francis. He's my favourite. I love Francis. The other two. Camilla, whatever, who cares? Camilla and George.

Put him on the table. She'll never make it an eat. Yeah. There was a messy court case involving private detectives and many of their friends. On the advice of his lawyers, Luken conceded and custody of the children was awarded to Veronica with Lucan allowed access on the weekends. Losing the court case was a devastating blow to Lord Lucan, who, because of his gambling losses, was already struggling.

The court case cost him another £20,000 and he was forced to borrow money from many different people, and all his bank accounts were overdrawn. Shit. And yet he continued to gamble. Of course he did. Chase your losses, people. Yeah. Number one rule of gambling.

And to be fair, it was his job. Yeah. So he technically was working harder than ever. I don't want to put a guy down for working hard for his family. Dave, I just got a terrifying flash of you as a problem gambler saying that to your wife. Oh, babe, it's my job. If anything, I'm actually working harder than that. Dave, please never start.

I remember a bad feel. I got to flash forward as well there. Seeing David. Yeah. David. Sweating. Middle the night. Yeah, most people,

if they pulled a 36-hour shift, would be praised. But I've shapped myself six times at a table. Lost my life savings. And I come home and you're like, where have you been? I've called the police. Why have you got three shits in your parents?

That's a lot of shit. It's all I've got left, babe. Is it all right? Is there anything to eat, please? I've got to replenish. I've shat everything out. Also, we need to move the stuff out. The house is no longer ours.

To be honest, neither is the stuff. But we do get to keep the kids. So he lost a lot of... Not Camilla. We're not going to get much. It's been estimated that between September and October 1974 alone, alone. The Earl What are you loving?

Other people do 36 hour shift, they'd be braced. That's just very funny. You also had it too quickly. You know, you drew that... I've thought about it. Anyway, sorry. I admire his work ethic.

To be honest, you have to be working pretty hard to, in one month of 1974 alone, run up debts of around 50,000 pounds, which is equivalent these days to half a million pounds. So, immediately. Nearly a million Aussie dollars he lost in a month. That is very impressive.

That's impressive. You are pulling six in our days. That's huge. And you are just dedicated to the loss. Or he's just putting half a million on black and then having a nap. And then walking into the ocean. Fuck. Fuck.

We then come to a very fateful day in the story. November 7, 1974. Lord Luchin had plans to meet. conservative politician Greville Howard Who when I looked him up He's still alive Greville

Greville Howard At the Claremont Oh lot Greville Greville Greville Beautiful and ever boy or girl Greville

Greville Come on Shoes on please Grevee Greville Street Peran I bet you too You should go out there

Oh fantastic Fine for a street Bad for a child I love it Grevel One of our favourite cafes But Grevell Howard He was going to meet him

at the Claremont Club, which remembers the upmarket den at 11pm. But Lord Lucan never showed up. Well, he's finally gone to bloody bed. Hopefully. At a reasonable time. Be who he's eating a goat. Rappaging him.

Left his watcher, I'm. Yeah. No idea what David is. Over in Belgradea, Lady Veronica was at home with her three children. Francis, who was now 10. George, who was 7 and Camilla, who was 4. Oh, they were their real names.

I missed that. I thought you were riffing on the names. I like these ridiculous names Francis and Camilla That's what he's named him That's what he's gone with Really you're going with Well is the other one George Francis George and Camilla

Yeah right Camilla's the worst Yeah Francis and George are okay I don't know Late 60s names I only know one other Camilla A neighbour down the road

No Camilla Johnson Oh Oh yeah Plays long balls Lovely lady Love three doors down Lovely lady Yeah

Who's it Pack a boughs. Packer balls. Sorry, I don't know what. Pack of balls? What do they sense? No, I was saying, Camilla, pack your balls. Pack your balls.

We go to the club. Oh, she'll be out of the jiff. She'd be so happy. She'd be out of the juice. She's got a little balls bag, their special balls shoes. Girls! Which one is Camilla Parker? I get her confused with.

She, She married to Charles? And then who's the one who's married to... Kate Middleton? No. Sarah Ferguson? Fergie. Yes.

She's married to someone else. No longer married to... Andrew. You break the news to me like this? Gosh, that's not the only use I've got about Prince Andrew. He doesn't sweat. Unbelievable. She's at home with Francis 10, George 7, Camilla 4.

Also in their house was their nanny Sandra Rivet. The court had ordered that she had to have a nanny in the house. Why? I don't really know why, but that was part of the conditions. The 29-year-old Sandra had been with the family for about nine weeks at that point. November 7 was a Thursday, and Sandra usually had Thursday nights off to see her boyfriend John, but she swapped that to see him the day before. but the two spoke on the phone at 8 o'clock.

She then put the two youngest kids to bed and then at about 8.55pm she asked Veronica if she would like a cup of tea before heading downstairs to the basement kitchen to make one. Veronica was watching the news on TV with her daughter Frances on the bed, the oldest one, in the master bedroom and wondered what was taking Sandra so long with the tea?

She considered sending her daughter down to check but decided to go down herself. this turned out to be probably a very fortunate decision. Uh-oh. Because Lady Veronica got to the kitchen above the basement and noticed that it was completely dark down there, which she found very odd. She called out to Sandra, the nanny from the top of the basement stairs,

and rather than a response heard noises coming from down below. Then someone hit her, Lady Veronica, on the head at least four times. As she screamed out, her attacker told her to shut up, and she recognised the voice as belonging to her husband, Lord Lukan. Wow. Classic werewolf ammo. A couple of wet noodle. He snuck in and he'd, did he know the nanny?

I wouldn't know who she was. Yeah. So you assume he's also done the same to the nanny as well. Well, yeah, because she's in the kitchen up at the top of the stairs and has been hit on the head four times. Oh my God. Lukan says, shut up. He tried to push her down the stairs.

into the basement, but she fought back, managing to grab his testicles. Yes. That's where I would have gone for, too. Straight for the goolies. Run and the nads. Come on. Capow.

Nice try, weirwolf. Do weirwolves have nads? Big nads. Okay. So big. Okay, all right. They're a real hanging target. She got his testes.

And he let her go. And a great article... You guys are very precious about your knuck. Ow! Ouchy! Oh, don't. Hey. Unfair.

That is unfair. That's not in the rules. Foul. That's a no-no. That's a no-no. It's a no-no. A great article from Medium.com picks up the story here, and I'll link to all my sources in the description. It says she, that's Lady Veronica, said she begged him not to kill her saying, please don't kill me, John.

She asked where Sandra was, this is the nanny, and he responded that Sandra was dead and told Lady Lucan not to look. Fuck. She tried to go along with him by asking what they should do with the body. She tried to convince him that no one would miss Sandra, that the nanny had few friends. She told him that she would stay inside the house until her wounds at heel and no one would ever see them. Lady Lucan said he seemed to accept this and he asked her if she had sleeping pills. She told him yes and he took her upstairs back to the bedroom where he told Francis to leave and go to her own bed. That's the end of the medium bit. Lady Lucan lay down on the bed

and her attacker, Lord Lucan, gave her some sleeping pills. He also made her lie on a towel to avoid staining the bed. But she thought if she fell asleep, he would continue to kill her. So when he went into the bathroom, she made a break for it.

She ran down the street to the plumber's arm pub. She was covered in blood and screamed, he's in the house. He's murdered the nanny. By the time the police got to the house, Lord Lucan had vanished. She, oh, what about the kids? Well, with Lord Luke and nowhere to be found

They did find the kids They were all safe Oh god But they also found the dead I was like good on you for making a break for it But you've left the kids in the house with him But they did find the body of Nanny Sandra Rivet Who'd been killed with a lead pipe

With a bandage wrapped around it It was a grisly scene with blood everywhere Seen some photos looks awful Rivet's body had been placed by her attacker Into a canvas mail bag So clearly he'd attacked her And then when Lady Lucan had come downstairs, she'd surprised him putting the body into a bag.

And the theory is that because it was dark, he thought he was attacking his wife. Because it was completely dark in the basement. The light bulb had been taken out. Oh, what a fucking, what a brutal story. What a twist this has taken. Yeah, I know. We're thinking it was such a silly goofball,

just a rich, I didn't think, you know, thought he was just eating goats. Well, after the attack, Lord Lucan is known to have driven 42 miles. Possibly to eat some goat. I see. Yeah. To the home of friends in the Sussex village of Uckfield, which is very funny. Uckfield.

It's Fuckfield without an F. Leaving them in the early hours of the morning. Fild, baby. He recounted to them and to his mother and other friends in a phone call and notes immediately after that he had happened across his wife being attacked by a stranger in the house. So I drove across the country. Yeah, oh yeah, that makes sense, yeah. And before he left Susan Maxwell's Scott's house, he wrote two letters to his brother-in-law, Bill Shand Kit.

One was short and about money an upcoming sale that would satisfy his debts, and the other was more personal detailing what happened, saying that. that he interrupted a fight and that now his wife was likely to accuse him of hiring a hitman, but it wasn't him. Wait, what? And that he asked the brother-in-law if he could take care of the children rather than leave him with his wife. What the fuck? I've just killed someone.

Going to write a couple of letters. The missa, your sister, she's going to say, is that her sister's, her brother? So your sister's going to say it was. me. I've hired a hit man. She's crazy. Anyway, don't listen to her, your sister. Listen to me in a letter. I fled.

But I'm right. Like most innocent people do. We love to flee. I interrupted somebody attacking my ex-life. Yeah, so he's tried to plant the seat. And he even wrote, the circumstantial evidence against me is strong in that Veronica will say it was all my

doing. That's not, why would you be talking? like that, I mean, obviously, it wouldn't be. If that's what happened, you would hang around. It's baffling. Absolutely baffling. Why would you, well, does that make any sense that he would have fled?

Hang on, oh, I, I, I accuse me. I accuse her. She, for some reason, she's going to accuse me. So. But it wasn't, it was just some random. I saw it and I ran away. I think it's safe to say he's not thinking rationally at this point. That is a good point.

Three days later, Lord Lukin's borrowed blood splank Ford Corsa was found abandoned with a section of bandaged lead piping in the boot at the cross-channel port of New Haven in East Sussex. So it's right near, right near the channel. And the media went absolutely bananas for this story. It was massive in Europe and right around the world. An aristocrat, known for being the real life James Bond, a member of the House of Lords, had probably killed someone and then disappeared.

So like, huge tabloid story. Back to our other friend, John Stonehouse. who had marriage troubles, money troubles, and just troubles in general. So he went on holiday to Miami. On November 20, 1974, just 12 days after Lord Lucan had disappeared, John Stonehouse went for a swim at a Miami beach. He left his passport and his money in his hotel room, and he just went out for a swim.

But he did not come back. Oh, you said Harold Holm. Yeah, the way you reacted to that was like, there must be something similar. Geez, that's really similar. His clothes and tower were found on the beach And a full scale search was launched But no sign of John Stonehouse was found

The difference is that Harold Holt Didn't, as far as I can remember Didn't have huge debts And a reason to disappear It's just a passionate swimmer Yeah Like Lord Lukan It was another media frenzy

Had he drowned Had he been killed by a shark Was it more sinister Had he been murdered Did it have anything to do with Lord Luchin These two MPs Disappearing within 12 days? of each other? Right. Yeah, that's really

I didn't realize it was so close. And at the time, the New York Times wrote an article that said, quote, at various times, newspapers have published innuendos linking him to the mafia, a Czechos LeVarque spiring, and the United States Central Intelligence Agency. Like Howard Hold, did anyone suggest that a

mini sub took him away? Chequettelevaq's sub. Some submarines. Stonehouse's wife, I know. What a weird motor transport. Stonehouse's wife Barbara, who was the mother of their three children, spoke to the media and said that she thought it was a tragic drowning incident. Despite the fact that no corpse had been found, obituaries were published.

In the House of Commons, a ceremonial silence was held to mark the passing of the Honourable Member for Warsaw North. So everyone's like, he's gone. So he went on holiday by himself. Yes. Didn't even take the kids. Yeah, without knowing much about it. Yeah. Well, kids don't want to go to Florida.

Is this episode going to be called Two Bad Dads? Oh, I'm sorry. Kids, I'm just going to go to Disney World without you. I would argue one of them is worse, but they both seem pretty bad. The one we went to Disneyland. Well, I'd say, yeah, the murderer also very bad. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But so, yeah, okay.

So this feels like without really knowing anything apart from the things Dave said today. It feels like he's faked his own death. Yeah, it does feel that way. Wow. So two very high profile members of British Parliament, different houses, disappeared in under two weeks. What the hell had happened to them? Well, they disappeared, Dave. Dave, you just said it.

You just said it, Dave. Oh, Dave, you okay? Oh, wait, there's more written here. Wow. Oh, cool. I'm reading off a scroll and I just unfilled it a bit more. That's the trouble with scrolls, isn't it?

You never know where the scroll ends. What's this please turn over? Oh my God. Back of the scroll! Kids that I always scroll. You always scroll. Back of the scroll. The story picks up five weeks later on Christmas Eve,

1974, right here in Melbourne, Australia. Get the fuck, eh. Yeah. I love it when Melbourne's involved. I know, I know Jess loves it. I love it. Loves a reference.

I love it. to feel included. Yeah, this guy's born on your birthday. That's nuts. A policeman was tipped off to a newcomer in town who'd been behaving strangely. The man was using the name of Clive Mildoon. This makes me laugh.

Like, a fake name. You can pick any name. Clive Mildoon. I think you can go too obvious John Smith or something. That's us. But a name like Clive Mildoon, but what'd you? actual day.

What are you hiding? There's somewhere in the middle, you know, Michael Schwartz. Mildoon. Yeah, you can't put Clive and Mildoon together. Michael Mildoon. Michael Mildoon. Yeah, that's good.

That's got like that. Or Clive Johnson. Don't wish Michael with you. Michael Michelson. Michael Michael Mildes. I'm Greek. Hello? Hi, I'm Greek.

I mean Michael. I'm Greek, Michael. They call me who you? That's a nickname. They give me, around the places, but I'm known. Them, they give it to me. Anyway, good day. Good day.

So, the man was using the name of Clive Mildoon, upper-class Englishman. Hello, Clive Mildoon. Charmed, I'm sure. He'd been noticed depositing $21,500 in cash at the Bank of New Zealand. The teller, who handled the money, later spotted the same man at the Bank of New South Wales. Wales. What's just

Tell her doing? Yeah, it's weird. Checking out of the banks on their lunch break? Go ahead and check out the competition. Are you moonlighting at the Bank of New South Wales? That is not on. It was discovered that this deposit was made in the name of Joe Markham. Okay.

Yeah, that's a better. Is that better than Clive Mildoon? Joe Marker. That doesn't stand out to me. Yeah, whatever. So it's a reporter to the police. It's a bit weird. They've got two different names depositing large amounts of cash in two different banks.

So Melbourne police got in contact with Scotland Yard and asked if they were missing, quote, any well-spoken upper-class businessman in suits. Wow, I mean, come on, Melbourne police. Do a little more digging before you're like, you guys missing anyone kind of fancy? Scotland Yard's like, fuck, we've got Australia

on the phone again. We've got this bloke, yeah. He's got quite a bit cash on him and he seems like probably a bit British. Do you know who is? We've also got in contact with Nider and asked if there's anyone who's good at doing an English accent. Scotland Yard sent a cable back saying that it was likely to be one of two men.

Either Lord Lucan or John Stonehouse. And the Aussies asked how they could quickly tell the men apart. And they were told that Lord Lucan had a six inch long scar. Okay. On his dick. Well, on his right thigh. Right. In a dick.

And Stonehouse did not. Okay. This is how they could quickly identify him without rousing suspicion. They couldn't just send back a photo. Well, no, this is before times as hard to just like... Send a phone. You know, email over a picture. But they both look about the same then, obviously.

One of them, like, six foot tall. Probably you could just grab a newspaper from the last month because there was a big story. Yeah. It's also like, so if he doesn't have a scar on his leg, he's definitely... Imagine it's like, it's not one of them. Yeah, but that doesn't...

It doesn't prove that it's the other guy. Definitely not Lord Lurkin. Luckily. It could be Johnstone House or any other man without us. Luckily, it's a hugely, it's a big part of our culture

to DAC people. It was actually quite easy. Dacked here. Cops love DACM. Welcome to Melbourne. And on the cover, Dacking. Welcome to Melbourne.

And then the ruler out straight out. Oh, five and a half inches. Now let's do the scar. Ha ha ha ha. So the man calling himself, Clive Milden was arrested And the officers ordered him to quote, Pull down your trousers. Welcome to Australia.

Oh my God. Got him to dack himself. Yeah. Not even doing the dacking. Self-dacking. What do you reckon? humiliating. So.

Any guesses on who this might be? I reckon. Oh. Well, the pot. Were they both posh? Both posh. Okay. I don't know

One of them went out to sea I mean that's how you get to Australia back then You could have swum Did I mention he was Took it five weeks That's probably about right Yeah about right I mentioned he was the world's greatest swimmer

Five weeks to swim from Florida to Melbourne That's probably about right Yeah that sounds about right okay A couple of rest stops But I'm gonna say it's the murderer Well I guess I'll say it's the other guy The swimer Well the quiz will be one by one of you

Ooh They pull down his pants It's one of them then It's not just some other random guy They pulled down his pants and they found he did not have a six-inch scar. He didn't have six inches of anything. Am I right? They had just arrested John Stonehouse, the guy who disappeared in Miami.

Yeah. So the police officer said, you must be John Stonehouse. And according to his lawyer, Jeffrey Robertson, John Stonehouse pulled up his trousers, stood tall and proud and declared, yes, I am. I am a member of Her Majesty's Privy Camus. and I demand my rights. You suck. You just had your pants down, you idiot.

I'm glad he, as he's pulling up his pants, and I have a 140 IQ. I demand my rights and a cup of tea. And can you let me know what my rights are? What are my rights down here? What are my rights? So what are they? Yeah, I demand them, and I also demand to know what they are.

Thank you. It became clear that Stonehouse had faked. his own death in Miami and then secretly traveled to Australia via Hawaii, Singapore and Malaysia. It's a good way to do. A beautiful way to see the world. And he'd used a false passport and had met up with his mistress, Sheila Buckley. She's going to fit in here. Well, come on in. Why? I don't know. Australia does not feel like a good place to come to, I don't think.

Why? Nah, good call. It just feels like, I mean, it sounds like they've got a good relationship cop to cop in the Victorian police over there and all that. sort of stuff. I don't know. It just feels like... Yeah, but what about the laneways? Oh, coffee culture. He loves a coffee. He loves a coffee. He loves a coffee. The graffiti laneways. Gorgeous.

Gorgeous. And the weather would probably be, you know, similar to the UK. Maybe a bit warmer, but not too... It's not Queensland, you know, where that would just be blistering for... Yeah, too hot. For a pom. And what about trams? We're one of only several dozen cities in the world that have trams. And we're very proud of that.

Yeah, absolutely sold a lie as a kid. But, yeah, and I would also say, how about you just deposit the money slower? Yeah. What, is it burning a hole in your pocket? And this isn't, like, you know, now we live in a fairly cashless society. Back then, just pay stuff in cash. He's just forever. Live on your cash.

That's all right. He's made a, come on, he's an economic scale. He doesn't want to miss out on these sweet, sweet interests. He did it once. He deposited one big chunk, and they're like, oh, that's interesting. But then he did it again with a different name. But isn't your mistress with you? you? Get her to deposit some.

She's not getting the attention. Can't trust it with the money. This guy is... Women. Absolute cock up. Glad he sent her to the bank. She'll come back with a new pair of shoes. Send him to the bank.

It will come back with another failed business. Come back without his pants. I lost him. But he does have his rights. Yeah, it just sounds like he's made a mess of this. It turned out he'd also taken out a £170,000 life insurance policy.

His wife back home in England, however, was surprised as anyone that he was still alive. She had no idea. Yuck. He considered resigning as an MP. Considered resigning. But what? He considered resigning. He's faked his own death and moved to Australia.

No, this guy was... He's got it all backwards. Maybe politics isn't really. for me. I'm going to work remotely from Melbourne. Can you imagine in those five weeks that they thought he's dead? They've probably started, they've had like a by-election or whatever, trying to fill that seat.

And now he's gone, I am still an MP. Oh my God. But there's a rule in the UK that I was not aware of, that an elected MP has no right to resign. Unless they die or are expelled, they must become disqualified if they wish to retire before the end of a parliament. Okay, now what qualifies you for disqualification? faking your own death.

That doesn't count? So since there's a rule, another rule that... So you can't quit basically. You can't just go, I quit. You can't quit me. That's what the Queen says to him. You can't quit me. In Australia, absolutely can quit the Parliament if you want to.

You should be able to quit any job. But there's also another rule that an appointment to an office of profit under the crown disqualifies an individual from sitting as a member of Parliament. That's confusing. I don't understand. So if you get another job where you're making money from the Crown, you can't be an MP because there's a conflict of interest. So if you become the Queen's personal bodyguard, you can't also be an MP.

So what they do is they have a position called Crown, Steward and Bayliff of the Chilton Hundreds, which is an amazing title. And if someone wants to resign, they can apply to be appointed to this position. And heaps of people have done it, including former Prime Minister Tony Blair when he was in 2007 when he wanted to resign. So change the rules. Isn't that so weird? So it's just this little like sort of. of dance you have to do to be like, I'd love to apply to be that. And they go, yeah, sure, no worries. And once you're there, they go, oh, actually, because you're that position, you

can't be an MP anymore. Now you can leave. And then you quit that job as well. Yeah. And then often, if multiple people want to quit in one day, you might have it for the morning. And then Matt will have it in the afternoon. It's such a strange person. Just rewrite that rule. Who's got to, the queen will approve that, won't she? Or whoever asked to? That's baffling. And John Stone has he got the paperwork to be appointed to the Chilton Hound hundreds and considered resigning, but decided against it. Oh my God.

He was too proud. Too proud. He just wanted to keep collecting the check. According to the Independent, he came up with a shallow defence. He said that he rapidly said about constructing a defence, claiming he'd been facing blackmail from South African business partners and had suffered a brainstorm in Miami. So he basically said, I had a breakdown. But I'm still an MP. He tried to avoid extradition, so he still wants to be an MP but stay in Melbourne.

I mean, yeah, the laneways. The coffee culture. But he got six months of the trams, because he's eventually taken back to the UK to face trial. But he still refused to step down as a member of parliament. And you ask what it takes to get sacked. His party who were in government couldn't get rid of him because Stonehouse held the balance of power in Britain. If he resigned or was fired, the government would lose their majority. They only had a one-seat majority, so they had to be.

Basically, he could call the shots. As long as he wanted to be and they were like, we can't get rid of you. Despite being imprisoned in Brixton, awaiting trial for 18 charges, he was still a member of Parliament. He was bailed in August 1975 and gave a speech in Parliament two months later,

although he was shunned by the other members. No one wanted a piece of him anymore. He went to trial, which lasted 68 days. His lawyer, Jeffrey Robertson, who would later go on to be a very successful human rights barrister, advised his client to plead guilty and get a lesser sentence. But Stonehouse was again too proud. He fired his lawyer and decided to represent himself. Of course, he did.

He's got a high IQ. That always ends well. Love it. And rather than be cross-examined, so he didn't want to take questions. Instead, he gave a statement that went for over 30 hours. What? He filibustered. He just kept talking shit.

I hate him. What? A 30-hour statement. What else? What else I want to talk about? What else do you do? What are you doing? I'm the judge.

What do you know? Okay? What's your name? I have to be a crowd look. Oh yeah. Judging. You look pretty judging. You get a laugh out of you.

All right. What about you? What do you do? Bayliff. Oh, okay. but yeah but yeah all right nothing there

all right who else we got who's in the audience tonight Ah jury number one Not surprisingly The judge was not impressed With this arrogant man And when he was inevitably found guilty

He was sentenced to the full Seven years in prison I'd be a horrendous judge As soon as anybody Vagely arrogant came in I'd be like Death With his head

I thought, Jess, we don't do that anymore. Okay. Death. Death to you as well. And death to you. Life in prison. He's just, like, he, it's just a little bit of tax fraud. Death.

Get out of here. Next. Just be a nice person. So, he's found guilty. Seven years, he could have got two, the lawyer reckons, if he'd, if he'd just pled guilty. Too proud for his own good. It still took him. 11 days after the conviction to resign as a member of the Privy Council.

So he tried to hang on as an MP despite being sentenced to seven years jail. This forced Prime Minister James Callaghan to form the Liberal Labor Pact to stay in power because they lost the majority. And then Margaret Thatcher later took over. His wife Barbara, who despite the fact that he'd faked his own death to be with another woman, sat quietly by him during the trial. Barbara. Barbara. Barbara. Barbara cut him loose.

But she did quietly divorce him when he was jailed. So I heard an interview with the lawyer years later saying that he was like, she was one of the most impressive stoic women I've ever seen. That just sounds very British to me. She just quietly supported and hang out. She's sitting going, you fucked up. Because I think also his lover, Sheila was also in the courtroom. So how awkward.

Oh, that sucks. I don't know if this is actually true because the only place I saw it was on this new website. called Wikipedia.org. But apparently, whilst in prison, he complained that the prison workshop where he worked played pop music on the radio station. Didn't like that.

1970s pop, what were in glam? What are we hearing? I want to rock and roll all night. Make it stop. And party every day. That's fun. That guy's got no soul. Fuck this guy.

He did write, his brother wrote an unanswered letter to the Home Secretary complaining about John's state. He said, quote, now it is a sad fact that John is put to work cleaning out the lavatories, a job considered light duties, and he carries out these tasks with his usual thoroughness, no doubt. So he cleaned a toilet

real good. He's proud. He's going to clean that bowl. Suffering, increasingly from a heart condition, Stonehouse served three years of his seven-year sentence before being released from prison early on grounds of health, after which he married, his secretary Sheila Buckley. So she stuck by him.

Stand by your man. Even when he's in prison. I think that's how that goes. Yeah. It's beautiful. Beautiful song. I got nothing against staying with people while they're in prison. I'm just saying this guy sucks.

In the final years of his life, he wrote three novels and made media appearances mostly to discuss his disappearance. That's what he was most famous for. to be on chat shows and they're like, oh, the man who faked his own death? I was a spy for Czechoslovakia. Ask me about that. I wrote three novels. I'm interesting.

I'm cool. You know that when someone's doing a press tour for a book and people just want to ask them about this thing they were famous for in the 80s, they're like, do the voice. I just want to talk about the book. My publicist is making me do this. Kind of don't do that voice.

anymore. I'm quite a serious artist now. Yeah. Yeah, like Steve Martin promoting like a bandro tour or something. Have you ever thought of going back to comedy? Yeah, yeah. Fuck. On the 25th March, 1988, Stonehouse abruptly collapsed on set during an edition of Central Weekend in Birmingham

during the filming of a program about missing people. So that's, they'd always wheel him out. He was hospitalized, discharged, but three weeks later, he suffered another massive heart attack and he died. For real, this time. Okay, are we sure? The Guardian ran a headline that said, Stonehouse, twice born, twice dead.

Twice born? Honestly, if we wanted to link it back to James Bourne, it should have said, James Bourne, you only live twice. Oh, yes. That would have been quite good. That would have been way better. I would have been out by then too, so.

Come on, guys. Come on. Twice born, twice dead. Yeah, no, I don't know. I don't know. Don't get it. Because what are they saying, he was reborn in Melbourne? Yeah.

Oh, okay. As, it's loose, isn't it? It's tenuous. Yeah. He only lived twice is better. Yeah. Yeah. I reckon I want to won the pitch that day.

Yeah, they thought. Yeah, well. Yeah, that's good. Maybe. No, it's not. No, but that implies he's dead. I like it. He is dead.

It's not an implication. So that's John Stonehouse. But what happened to our old mate, Lord Lucan? Yeah. Beating goats. Well, he went missing at midnight, November 8th, 1974. He left without his passport. Checkbook.

license and his bank accounts were never touched again. A large search was undertaken. Tracking dogs were used locally and it became an international manhunt. But despite this, no definitive sign of Lord Lucan has ever been found. That's right. This is a mystery episode. Wow. Justice was not done in this case.

He's the one you really wanted to be found. That's a shame. Over the decades, hundreds of sites. writings have been reported. He's been spotted as a waiter in San Francisco, managing a clothes shop in South Africa, living in a neo-Nazi colony in Paraguay, living as a hippie musician called Jungley Barry in Goa in India, backpacking on Mount Etna, working on a sheep station in the Australian outback, or being fed to tigers named Zora at his old mate Aspinall Howlitz Zoo. Being fed to tigers are like that.

Yeah, I mean, all of those. especially being becoming food would be a real change of direction for him. It's a real change of. He's never been food before. Aspinold, who owns the zoo and also the upmarket den, reportedly responded when questioned about this,

he said, My Tigers are only fed the choicest cuts. Do you really think they're going to eat stringy old lucky? That's great. A little fun. Yeah, great. Cop that.

Quality of your meat. No good. No good. Not enough for my tigers. No, thank you. Honestly, he's been spotted all over and even now people have these little theories and investigations

and periodically he still makes the news Roger Woodgate an Englishman who lived in a land rover in New Zealand with a goat called Camilla what and also it's called Camilla his daughter's name what was accused to that man was accused

of being Lord Lucan in 2007 although he was 10 years younger and 5 inches shorter Well, I mean, they can fake that. They can definitely fake that. You shrink as you age. And you can lop off five inches. And he might have had good moisturiser, good skincare routine.

But he was found living with a goat. Wow, that's wild. You know the phrase blow goats or something like that? Go blow a goat. Is that a saying? In Wayne's world it is. Wayne's world, right. Do you remember he holds up a sign that says, this guy blows goats?

Yeah. I have proof. I'm saying it's a saying It was used once in Wednesday I knew it was familiar somehow So he's still being spotted As recently as 2020 So last year

There was a report That he was alive and living in Perth And the discovery was reported Byriemann Who it turns out is the son Of the nanny Sandra Rivet Who Lord Lucan had murdered How?

Neil found out about his birth mother's death Only after his adopted mother died So he'd been adopted Right And he never knew And now he's trying to And now he's like he found out and he's cracking it, you're right.

Neil claims that he had discovered his mother's murderer living in Perth as an elderly Buddhist man in a sharehouse. If he was still alive, he'd now be 86 years old. Wow. So it's possible. Wow. It's not the first time he's been linked to Perth. A book published in 2003 by a former Scotland Yard detective

claimed the fugitive aristocrat was a long-haired alcoholic banjo player called Barry Helpin who had played in a Perth group called the Mucky Duck Bush Band Mucky Duck Bush Band. So is there any way that they'd be able to prove? Do they have his DNA on file or anything like that? Probably not.

It's never been definitively proved. His wife Veronica, Luke, and dismiss all the claims over the years as nonsense reiterating that her husband was, quote, not the sort of Englishman to cope abroad. Oh, my God. An incredible burn. So good.

That's great. Oh yeah, he's going to go to Australia, is he? Okay. Yeah, he's on a sheep station. Yeah, sure, yeah. Oh, yeah, he's living as a Buddhist. Okay, sure. He's got long hair.

Okay. She always thought that he'd probably jump to his death from a ferry and that his body had just never been found. That was her theory. Yeah, I suspect that he's died somewhere. An inquest was held in 1974 and named Lord Lucan as the murderer of Sandra Rivet. So they had an investigation. It's not quite a trial because he's not there.

But most people's theory is that he mistook the nanny for the wife, bludgeoned the wrong person, and then realize that, you know, the net was closing in. And his motive was... Getting his kids? I'm a bad dad. Yeah, paranoia that she would take the kids away from him. But the court had said,

you can see your kids on the weekend. And all of his behavior was, I don't... I'm not in this, you know? Like, it's not like... It wasn't her fault that he was gambling all day and night. No. I want these kids because I love my kids. So I'm going to traumatise them by killing their mother.

Yeah. He was declared dead in 1999, but a death certificate wasn't issued, which meant his son couldn't inherit his father's titles. Oh. This changed in 2016 with a death certificate was finally issued, and his son, George, was able to become the eighth Lord of Lucan, and he's still alive as the eighth Lord. Was it 99 a coincidence that that was also when the House of Awards was ended?

Is that what you said before? Yes, I think no, just over the years that his son had, because he'd become an adult in that time, kept pushing to say, look, you know, he's probably dead. And apparently they did keep it open. They didn't issue a death certificate for a while, I think, to help out Lady Veronica so that she was able to get financial support. Yeah, okay, right, yeah. And then once.

the kids are grown up. So, yeah, his son speculated in 2016 after being, you know, he went to court lots of times to try and get a death certificate issued. And when it was, he thinks his father died that night probably ending his own life. He remarked, to hear that your father is racist, a snob, a poster boy for the aristocracy in the 70s didn't sit very well with a rather charming, rather lovely and kind man that I knew. Nevertheless, people, if they leave a party early, get to be speculated about, don't they? That's what he said.

So he's now living as the eighth Earl of Lucan. And just as post script on the other guy, John Stonehouse. Remember how he was accused of being a spy for Czechoslovakia? Yes. Well, it wasn't until 2010, 22 years after he died, that declassified documents revealed that he was in fact a spy. It was revealed that then Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher had agreed in 1980 to cover up revelations that Stonehouse had been a Czech spy since the 60s,

as there was insufficient evidence to bring him to trial. When he was junior minister for aviation, it is alleged he was paid £5,000, the equivalent of nearly £71,000 in today's money, for crucial information on Britain's planes and future aviation plans. Wow. Was he motivated by just the money, or was he trying to support the Chequess of Arcane calls? No, he was always just looking for a way to make extra money.

Right. And then so Margaret Thatcher knew about it, But then look, what's the point in now? He's an old dying man, and also we don't have enough evidence to give him to trial. So she agreed to hush it up, and there was only we found out decades later. And he, oh, amazing that he, yeah, and he was already in jail for other things at that point, right? Yeah, he'd already been to jail, yeah, and had been released from prison because of his heart condition, yeah. So she thought, let's not create a scandal.

I mean, that's the big, that's another, well, he was he the gambler? No, he was the businessman. But that's a gamble that didn't pay off, right? If it was just for that five grand, I mean, it cost him his job and everything. Yeah, that's what spy on everything out of control. Like, surely in your head somewhere you're going, is this the right thing to do? Is it? It's worth it?

The confirmation that Stonehouse was a paid spy for the checks also makes him the only British politician to have acted as a foreign agent whilst a minister. So that's probably a claim you don't want to have. Is he in the Guinness? Yeah, good for him. What a title to have. So there it is. That is my report on the two disappearing MPs, two very different guys who just both happened to disappear within the same fortnight in 1974. Yeah, amazing that, I mean, that feels like two full reports. Yeah, I did try and put two stories together there. Yeah, great work, Dave. Yeah.

It just the coincidence of it blew my mind when I discovered. Hang on, because Lord Luchin. If I say, John, right? Yeah. That is wild. Lord Luchin's been suggested a whole bunch in the hat, because that's quite a fair. famous story, especially in the UK, the fact that he murdered the nanny and disappeared. But when I found out about the other guy, I was like, well, I've got to mention him as well. And then it sort of blew out of control and I just reported on the phone. That's amazing. Great job, Dave.

Thank you. Thank you so much. Really tragic stories. Yeah. But, yeah, wild stories too. Great stuff. And now it's time for everyone's favorite section of the show where we have to thank our supporters. And you can get involved there at Patreon.

or dogoonpod or dogoonpod.com and there's all sorts of rewards you get for supporting the show, including three bonus episodes each month. We do an extra report, much like the normal show. We also do a quiz or some other such thing, and we do an episode of our Phraising the Bar podcast, which is a podcast that goes through the films of Brendan Fraser, the greatest actor of all time. Uh, oh, that's what we thought when we started the series. Hey, don't worry, we've got George the Jungle coming up this month. We're all good. Actually, I just watched it the other day.

I was bored. I was home alone. I was looking for something to watch. I was on Disney Plus and I was like, fucking I'm going to do it early. I'm going to do it. Still good? It is still good. You love to hear it.

The first thing we like to do, though, when we thank our supporters is do the fact quote or question section, which has a little jingle to go something like this. Fact quote or question. He always remembers the ding. And the way to get involved in this is to go to one of those websites, get involved on the Sydney-Shineberg level. Then you get to give us a fact, a quote or a question. You also get to give yourself a title,

and then I read four of them out each week. I don't read them out until I read them out, so I don't know what's coming. No one else does. No one else knows. No one sees it coming. So just sit on the edge of your seat with me. As I read out this one from Michael Derizzi.

who's given himself the title, Chiefs Halftime Hopeful. Oh, okay, makes more sense on TV. I'm like the Chiefs, they're an NFL team. Kansas City? Kansas City Chiefs, they're the champions. He's given us a fact here, and the fact is, I'm writing this during half-time of Super Bowl 55.

So this is from a while ago. I've started trying to separate them, so it's not, it's not when they come in. I'm trying to sort them out so that everyone gets a go before we go back around or whatever. So Michael's prolific fat quote of question. I love your work, Michael. So he writes, I'm writing this during half time of Super Bowl 55. My chiefs are down by a score of 21 to 6.

I might be having a mat-like day tomorrow if things don't turn around. I will always strive for the crunch. It's the year before. My team, the 49ers, lost the Super Bowl. And in the, I mean, either way, I was having a few beers and then I had to rush here and do an episode about the fabulous. Cook. Mm-hmm. Julia, child.

Very good. Child. Child. Children would be the plural. Thank you so much for that fact, Michael. Fantastic fact. They didn't win, though, did they? No, they didn't.

Oh, dear. But they won the year before. Great. The year that I did Julia Child, they won that day. And didn't they give that young, um, unknown Tom Brady a go at winning? No, Tom Brady beat him. That's what I mean.

Oh, yes. They gave him a go of winning. Rather than going, rather than selflessly going back to back, they let this young up start have a ring for the first, possibly his first ring. Give it a go, mate. Hey, you'll love it. A bit of fun there. You'll love a win.

Try to do an NFL joke didn't quite work. Sorry, I'll stick to my lane. It did. I just didn't understand. Matt missed it. Even I got it. I didn't understand basic English there. When you said they let him have a go, I thought you meant on.

Their team. But that was silly by me and I'm embarrassed by it. Yeah, you should be. Thank you so much, Michael, for that fact. The next one comes from Colin and Lee Wright, who have given themselves the title of Patreon, fact quote or question, well repair technicians.

Oh, fixing the well. Oh, we need that. We need water. I'm so thirsty. Thank you, Dave. It was funny. That is funny. That's funny.

Colin and Lee have written a question. And it goes like this. I don't know if you've already been asked this, but if each of you wrote a book, what would it be about? Sometimes I, Colin, think about writing a book about family and how crazy family life dynamics and drama can be. I live somewhere for a while where folks would have to leave their family for long periods of time as migrant workers in another country.

They would sometimes start whole other secret families and have kids in both countries. often the families would find, are you talking about other people here, Colin? Or is this a confession? Often the families would find out about each other and I think there are a lot of poignant stories to be told there through the lens of a fictional novel.

But then I'd be appropriating other people's experiences and profiting of them so maybe not. Colin, I think you're allowed to find real life. I don't understand. I actually don't know what the, What the rules are? It feels like you're allowed to be inspired by real stories, but we're not. I, Lee, would write about Spanish colloquialisms

and all the different regional and cultural sayings. I learned Spanish and lived around a lot of native speakers from all over the world and the different turns of phrase are fascinating. For example, some people from Mexico told me how when you see a girl you find attractive, you ask what time she goes for bread. which I think is beautiful. I do.

Thank you so much to Colin and Lee for answering their own question. That's something we ask. If you do ask a question in the fact quote a question section, you answer. They're two very different books suggestions. Dave, you must have thought about this. You're a book lover. You've got a book show. Oh, gosh, I don't know.

Maybe, you know, they often say, write what you know. Yeah. You know? So you're writing about having a little dick? It's called My Life with a Tiny Diff. A novella. Halfway through, I was like, are you going to say it, Jess? Are you going to say it?

The opening line is, it's really small. Like, really small. That's funny. Sorry. I'm all meant, like, I don't know, like playing in a band or something. Yeah. I don't know. The Wheat Hornet Horn is story.

Like the Wheat Horn. Story. Or would you be a fictionalized version? What about my tiny dick, in brackets, the Wheat Hornet Story? That's what you call you here. A little weed hornet down there. What about you, Bopper? Bananas.

Oh, a book about banana facts? No. Oh, like a fictional. Yes. Life of the banana. I'm not giving too much away because you're going to steal it. Okay. But it's going to be a best seller.

Banana. It's an allegory. Oh. That's really clever. Thank you. Have you read, rang the course? Hotline recently. Story.

Here are some words that rhyme with Corey. Story. Laurie. Aligory. That's good fun. What about you, Matt? Book. Book about...

I had a note. I thought it was such a good idea for a book at one point. I had this note written down. I'm like, one day I'll write this book. And I saw it in it. I was going through notepads recently. I'm like, that's not anything. And I was like...

And I said, it's good. called In a Loop. And it was about a guy who was caught in a loop. Everything. He had songs looping through his head. But his life was also in a loop. Oh. He could, every day, back around at the same spot.

Oh, it feels like that, doesn't it? I mean, you do, because you go back to your bed. Right. I mean, a lot of ways, life is a loop. Yeah, life is a loop. He also worked in a noose factory. I'm just riffing here. But,

He was a cowboy. A lot of subtext there. Yeah. He wore big dangly earrings. There were loops. Okay. Yeah, okay, gotcha. Oh, they're hoops, aren't they?

Hoops, yeah. But it's similar. I get it. They're both oops. Yeah, and he made a lot of mistakes. Yeah, all right. I'll write a book about the history of the St. Goodell Football Club Club.

All right, thank you so much, Colin and Lee. This one's from Sophie. tutor or shooter. I always get it wrong and I always second guess myself. Sophie, I'm sorry. Sophie is giving herself the title. Group mum, hydrate, get an early night and for goodness sakes, quiet down.

Quiet down or I'll make you go next door and apologise for the noise. Mom! Thank you, Sophie. Sophie's asked a question as well. Sophie's question is, do you have a quote from a TV show you use all the time? I use a few, but the grandpa Simpson quote, a little from column A

and a little from column B comes out my mouth several times a week. Can I come to as one? Yeah, that's a big one. Oh, good question. Oh, I definitely do. I can't think straight off the top of my head. But yeah, heaps.

Yeah, I do too, and I can't think of any now either. Yeah. Dave, kick us off. I always just say, no, my son is also named Port. That's no context. It's like saying it. That comes in handy all the time.

on. Yeah, that's good. No, I'll also have a son-name bought. It's so funny. What about you, Bob? No, I can't think of any. Definitely, yeah, Simpsons ones.

You'll have to speak up. I'm wearing a towel. It's got to be stuff from Parks and Rec that I say a bit. From Pugwall Summer. Sometimes I'll say, we'll give them the old key change trick. That'll get them. No one knows. They, in this episode, they were

It was a kid show in the 90s about an Aussie band of teenagers, and they were called the Orange Organics. And at one point, their school principal wanted his nephew to sing in the band, and he was awful. He was a real dork. So they go, we use the old key change trick. That'll get him. And they play this song, and they just keep looping it around.

Looping. Oh, my God. Can I use this? Are they upper key? time and he's going, there was something, there was something, there was something.

I'm sorry, I can't go on. And they got him and then their singer came back in and then they started rocking in it. Yeah, they got him. I don't know why that came to mind. I would never say that. Do you reckon I could use that in The Wheathorner story? Yeah.

But I will not be using it in banana. Yeah. You don't need our ideas. I don't need it. I'm going to fucking, I'm going to be rich. Oh, yeah, that's the kind of one. I'll notice them all the time. Yeah, yeah, heaps.

From now on. One that my brother and I used to say a bit was like, cross the T's and dot the lowercase eyes. That's from Waynesworld. Waynes or two? Yes. Wayne's world. Hey, I'm in Delaware.

Yeah, I love saying, excuse me? Yeah, begging powder. Yeah, that's full of them. Yeah. Creep of harm. I never got that. I saw that ad. Years and years later.

I always found it very funny. I thought it was very funny until I saw the ad. What about when Garth, he sleeps with that beautiful woman and he comes out in the robe the next one. He says, good morning, darling. I trust you slept well. And he's blowing a little bubble. I'd say that a bit too.

Good morning, darling. Yeah, oh, Wayne's worth so full of them. Yeah. Mean girls in there a lot too. Anyway. Lots. There's a Dana Carvey stand-up bit that gets in my head sometimes when I'm cooking dinner. He talks about, I can't remember what the vegetable is.

So it's not worth saying. There's one where Garth does a big drum solo in the shop. And somebody's like, that was amazing. And he's like, I like to play. I say I like to play a lot too. Yeah, that's good one. Okay, so Wayne's World. Yeah.

Yeah, we've gone off track a bit. Did they ever do a TV version of that? anti-dentire. They ever do a TV version of that. It was adapted from the TV SNL sketch. Yeah. Oh, really made a fool of myself there, Dave.

I'm glad you found that so I'm using this fool. I didn't even realize it came from an SNL sketch. Come on, that's pretty funny. Got him. Fuck you. You thought you were sassing me on the sass twin episode.

And let that go. That was really embarrassing a few, Dave. All right. And the next one. is from... Excuse me? Suraj Pyrus, which is said like penis.

And that's how he told me it's pronounced. And I have to think of that every time. Pyrus, penis. Okay. As in it said like penis, as in it's pronounced penis? Oh, I always assumed he meant penis with an R. But, yeah, maybe... I think it's probably penis with an R.

He's just... Serage penis. So, Saraj, finally, he's got a quote. But his title is, possible record holder for dialing the Victorian vaccination booking hotline. Oh. Yeah, that sounds frustrating. I work with someone who says that she called 300 times before she got through.

Oh, geez. What? I work with someone who said they called 300 times before they got through to the vaccination hotline. Just redar. Redar. Redar. I'm not doing that 300 times. Yeah, that sucks.

All right. So, Sarage has a quote, and it is, if you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. That's the Dalai Lama. Yeah, that's great. See, Dave, you tell that to your penis. Doesn't that, it does sound like,

it does sound like the Dalai Lama is like saying, fuck a mosquito. Yeah, the Dalai Lama has absolutely banged a mosquito. Yeah, that is. Sleeping with a mosquito. I find that inspirational. That's beautiful. At least the mosquito prick would make yours look big.

Or would it? What? No. I don't know how we got here. We all know Dave's got a huge shlong. Too big. Edit all of that out if you need to and probably do. All right.

Nah. So the next thing we love to do is thank, sorry, I should say thank you so much to Saraj, Sophie, Colin Lee and Michael for their facts, their quotes and questions. Get on at dug onpod.com or patreon.com slash dugonpod pod if you want to get involved in that. You can also, if you're on the, the shout-out level, get a little shout-out, which we'll do now. Jesse, you normally come up with a little game for us here.

Where have they fled to? Where have they fled to? Fantastic. No, or their fake name. What was the fake name day? When they're trying to open a bank account. Oh, is it Clive Mildoon? Clive Mildoon.

I don't know. Is there something better there? Probably. I think fake names is fun. Fake names. All right. So first, I'd love to thank from Nagata in Japan. Tom Jenkins.

Tom Jenkins. Tom Jenkins is already a pretty good. It's a great name. How's your Japanese, Dave? No, good. I mean, I did the five years of primary school. Yeah. I remember pinku and orangey, pink and orange.

Okay. So what's double I? Do you know what double I would do? Do a place name? I'm not sure if it's negat. I don't know. Okay. Well, anyway, thank you so much.

Tom, Jenkins, or fake name? Gary. Sunday. Nice. Spell E or Y on the end. Sounds delicious. E. I'll have a Gary Sunday, yes please.

Gary Sunday. Welcome. I panicked. Thanks so much. I like it. It's good. Gary Sunday. I think Tom will be stoked with that. Sounds fake I like it.

Thank you so much to you. Tom. I'd also love to thank from Upper Hut in New Zealand. Cat. No so name. Dog. Oh, just one name. Cat dog. Dog Johnson.

Dog Johnson. Wow, Dog Johnson. How's it going? Doug Johnson, nice to meet you. It's a complete opposite of cat, so. I love it. And the opposite of not having a last name? Johnson.

Some and Dave doesn't know. Dog Johnson. How are we here? The opposite of not having a last name is Johnson. That's a. great. And finally from me, I'd love to thank from Austin, Texas.

Beautiful Austin, Texas. Stay weird. I think that's what they say. Justin Leach. Brandon Thunder. Oh, Brandon Thunder. Race car driver. That is hot.

That's what, that's his cover. Yeah, I drive cars. He's real bad at it. He's like, yeah, I'm a championship race car driver. Give me a car. Here a car. I'll drive it. Oh, stacked it again.

Stacked it in a car. Stacked it in a car. car is very funny because that's like fell off a scooter like a little rolling scooter yeah he's he's intact you can't say oh no

wild beast the car is so funny ow my stomach okay who's taking some people now I'd love to if you don't mind I'd love to thank from Great Britain in

Great Britain My good Atto Exeter. I don't know what that is. Thomas, surname withheld. Okay, so Johnson. Something Johnson. What's the opposite of Thomas?

Frog. Johnson. Umarame. Frog amamey. Frog amame Johnson. Frog amame Johnson. That's great. I'd like to open an account.

All right, what's your name? Frog. Amamey Johnson. Why? The opposite of Thomas. What, are we doing opposite? Well, that's what he said. What's the opposite of Thomas?

And you said frog and then he just went, Amame. I was in his own. I thought we were just doing like that free, that free brain things. So I freed my brain so much that I missed. Frog. Very clear instruction.

Frog amamee Johnson. Oh, the opposite of tongue. I love it. Honestly. I love it. I'm here for that. Oh, big time. Obsessed with it.

Frogamamee Johnson. Frogamame Johnson is incredible. Good luck to you. Frog a mama is the episode. Next I would like to thank from address withheld. I can only assume it's deep within the fortress of the moles. We should shout out the mole people there. Oh,

Paul people, praise be. I would like to thank Trent Bartlett. Okay, Trent Bartlett. What about Bruce? Yes. Hotloaf. Oh, yeah. He sounds delicious as well. Bruce Hotloaf. Put it there.

Put it there. Put it there. He's got a really good handstroke. Bruce Hotlo! He always looks for me Oz when he gives you a handshake. Bruce Hotloak. If you give him a dead fish, he would. We'll crush that finish. Wait, I'd change his name.

Hot Lake, what was it? Hotloaf. Bruce Hotloaf, pleasure to meet you. Good on your. Trent from within the Fortress of the Malls. Finally, I would like to thank from Toronto in Canada. It is Christian Pearson. Christian Pearson.

The opposite, of course, being heathen apple dad. Heathen apple. That's the opposite of a pair being an apple. Heathen Appleton And his son be your dad Adventist Heathed Love it

Christian Pearson Heathed apple dad Can I thank some people as well Please I would love to thank From Nunda in Queensland Gabby and Ivy Gabby and Ivy

So I guess two names We've got to come up with Yeah So Gabby I think Gabbo We don't know their surname So it's Johnson So it's Johnson

Both Johnston Both Jop I think Gabby Gabbo, Dave, so maybe Krusty and... Ivy. Ebony. Krusty and Ebony. Beautiful. Johnson.

Johnston. The Johnson. Or the Johnson's as they normally know. Yeah. Welcome the Johnsons. Krusty and Ebony. Johnson. Beautiful couple men.

What would their celebrity couple man be than Jess? Krusty and Ebony. Krebbony. Krebbony. Oh, the grubbony is good. Beautiful. Oh, yeah. Just gorgeous.

Oh. From Abbotsford in British Columbia, Canada. Aaron, Dawson. Okay. Okay, okay, okay. The opposite of Dawson is, of course, Craig. Pacey. Okay, yes, Pacey.

And the opposite of... Aaron. A name that starts with Zed? Yeah. Zelda Pacey. Or Zelda, yes. Zelda, Pacey. Zelda Pacey's a beauty.

That's a nice name. That's good. Zelda Pacey. Look, I like Aaron Dorson, but... Zelda Pacey is fantastic. Who's Aaron Dawson? I only know Zelda Pacey. There we go.

And finally, I would love to thank from Newark in D.E. Is that? That would be. Is that Delaware? It is Delaware. The only D-State. I'm in Delaware. I would love to thank Joel Hannan Crop.

Oh, did not really need a fake name. It's incredible. Joelle Hannan Crop. Joel, I say this about a lot of names. That is one of the best I've ever heard. Joel Hannan Crop is incredible. I would buy a ticket to your TED Talk like that. I wouldn't even need to see the topic.

Should we? I know the surname is a well-known drought. What's the first name? Anon anonymous, well-known. Crop. Drought. Yes. What's the opposite of Joelle?

Jack and Jill, no, Joe and... Cup of Joe's coffee. Yes. So T's the opposite of coffee. Yes. So an L. Earl. Gray.

Earl Grey, well-known drought. We've done it! We've absolutely done it. We nailed that. Joelle, did you just consult a random word generator? So thank you so much to the people previously known as Joel, Aaron, Gabby, Ivy, Christian, Trent, Thomas, Justin, Kat and Tom. All legends, and I think you'll all enjoy your new idea.

identities. And the last thing we like to do is welcome a few people into our TripTitch Club. So we've got five inductees this week. These people have been on the shoutout level for three straight years, shoutout level or above. And they're welcomed into the Triptich Club with a bunch of other people who have welcomed in over the last, of the previous, probably, I don't know how long, maybe a year now. And everyone's in there, milling about having a great old time. This place exists in our hearts, but also physically, where is it? Where is the physical location this month, Jess? It is on an island, which I will not disclose.

And underscores island, otherwise people will find. Exactly, everybody would turn up. Yes. So, I'm on the door. I've got the clipboard. I've got the guest list. I'm going to read out the names. Jess is inside. She's made some drinks. What's the cocktail this week? Cocktail is. Of course. I've forgotten most of the story. Lost at Sea. What does it include?

It includes blue caracao. Yes. That's how everybody always said it. Salty rim. Speak for yourself. And a little edible shark in there. Oh, delicious. A bit of fun.

And Dave, you've booked a band? Who's playing tonight? In honor of the story today, Lord has been booked. Whoa. Okay. I was Lord Luke. I was going to say in honour of Lord. I didn't want to say that because he's obviously a piece of shit.

But we got Lord in. And she's great. She's amazing. Okay. And now I'll bring the people in. I'll read out your names. Open up the Velvet Rope here. Dave will then hype you up because you're welcomed into the club.

You want to feel good. Dave will make you feel good. And then it takes a lot of effort for Dave to make people feel good. So Jess will then build up Dave as well. In case you'll listen to the first time and it's confusing. That is what's going on. So we've got five inductees this week. Right, hit me.

Let's go through from Falls Church in Virginia. It's Mike Schubert. Oh, Schubert. We want to be falling over tonight. Yes. From Vancouver in British Columbia, Canada. It's Horage Fernando. Do you hear the drums, Horage Fernando?

Oh, come on. The high. The high. Hoping is off. Yes. Is that a hype or a ghost? Yeah. Ooh.

Honestly, keep it up. It's very funny. It's very funny. Your heart's not in it and I love you. From Edinburgh in Great Britain, it's Dylan, Harvey, Elvis Humphrey. Oh my God, the best name I've ever heard. Well, we had the King Elvis is in tonight. I'm a lot.

Slow clap. From Dulwich Hill in New South Wales, Australia, it's Sean. Sean Dunn. Oh, I thought this night was done, but it's only getting started. And finally, oh my God, from Rancho, Cuckermonga in California. In the United States, it's Aaron Butler. Oh, Cucamonga, let me be your butler. That is very rancho.

That is the best city name I have ever heard. Rancho cookamonga. And it definitely reminds me a little of Rancho Relaxo from the Simpsons. Honestly, it does sound like a made-up place. I love it. All right, welcome in.

Aaron, Sean, Dylan Haraj and Mike. So glad to have you in. Party away to Lord. And drink some of those Lost at Sea cocktails. Thanks so much for joining us. Nothing else to do but boo this baby home. Who wants to do it?

Daveo? Hit up Diggo onpod.com for links to all our stuff. We're at Do Go on, Potter, and all the social media. It's always good to hang out with people online. But also, you can watch us this Saturday night if you're listening hot off the press is, our 300 of the episode, Live Spectacular. Tickets at SOSPresents.com.

But find the link in the description of this episode. Matt's out on tour, as we said, also links to all of his shows. Matt's show atcombe.com. But until next week, I guess we'll say thank you so much for listening. And goodbye! Bye! Bye! Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where

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