Do Go On - 302 - The Cherry Sisters ; The Worst Show in Vaudeville

Episode Date: August 4, 2021

Let's go back to the late 1800s, where a group of sisters decided to see if they could make some cash by putting on a stage show. If you like 'The Room' and anything that's so bad it's good, you'll love the Cherry Sisters.Stream our 300th episode with extra quiz (and 16 other episodes with bonus content): https://sospresents.com/authors/dogoon Get a ticket to our show at the Great Australian Podcast Festival on Nov 6: https://www.livenation.com.au/greataustralianpodcastfestivalFor tickets to Matt's Live Taping at Stupid Old Studios: https://www.mattstewartcomedy.com/ Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPodBuy tickets for our screening of The Mummy on September 10: https://www.lidocinemas.com.au/mummy Check out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​ Check out Matt’s Beer show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ej4TUguJL58 Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.npr.org/sections/npr-history-dept/2015/06/27/417439984/the-cherry-sisters-worst-act-everhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cherry_Sistershttps://www.ripleys.com/weird-news/the-cherry-sisters/https://www.avclub.com/the-cherry-sisters-vaudeville-act-was-so-bad-it-set-le-1798256939https://longreads.com/2016/10/06/the-shaming-of-the-cherry-sisters/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Willie_Hammerstein Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. Welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Wadikey and, as always, I'm here with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart.

Hi, I'm Matt. Sorry, I was trying to do Dave's breathing, which is pretty good. I'm Jess. And I did that last week and I got nothing for it. Nothing. I'm sorry, Jess. What did you want money? You've been holding on to that all week.

Good on you, mate. Nah, good on you, mate. For listeners, Dave actually starts every episode underwater. And just as we press record, he comes out. He's been underwater all week. So that's what that big gasp of air is. What I actually do is I don't do that. I don't do the breathe in or the breathe out.

I actually did that on week one and I just sample it every week. Oh, right. Insert it in. So how do you breathe underwater? It's just gills. Old girls Oh, girls. Come on old kills.

I need this one. Need this oxygen. So the way this show works, so we need to tell people about things. We've got a few things coming up. They'll be linked in the show notes. We're going to do a few. We've got some live Brendan Fraser films,

including The Mummy. We've got a live podcast at the Palais, the world famous in Melbourne, Palais. Beautiful old theatre, which we're going to be performing. Next two in November. And details for all that are in the show notes. It would be so good to have you along.

And I'll be doing a show in Perth not too long from now. A bit of stand up if you're over there. You can check out do go onpod.com for the do go on shows and Matt Stewart comedy.com for... The Matt Stewart shows. Yeah. Now that makes sense. I needed a jingle to remember which is which. Do go on for the dogo on shows.

And Matt Stewart. Don't go for the Mad Stuart shows. That's great. Except you got Matt's website a little bit wrong there, but still, who cares? Imagine if I got Matt's sure.com. I'm sorry. That was a first draft, and I think it was actually pretty fucking cute. We're going to workshop it.

Of course you are. Dave, get back in the water. Jess and I have to talk. We sent Dave to his room, but his room is a kiddie pool. Face down. I love summer. I hate winter. Dave, get back out.

explain this show for new listeners. Okay, so what we do here is we take it in turns to report on a topic usually suggested by a listener, go away, do a bit of research, bring it back to the others who have no idea what the topic is going to be. So it's surprise every time. And to get us onto topic,

it's Jess's turn to report, so she's going to ask a question. Have you written a question? Yes. Question is, which family who shared their name with a stone fruit were a vaudeville sensation of the late 1800s. The apricots.

Peach family. No. The nectarines. The Adams family. The avocados. Smaller. The plums. Smaller.

Smaller. Lichies? No, they're not nuts. They're the opposite. Are they? I don't know. Stone. They're not stones.

Have any of the things I've said been stone fruit? Yeah. And I've said apricot. Smaller than an apricot. Bloody hell. I didn't know that. Nanotechnology? You're given one on a little, on a little stalk?

Grapefruit. No. No? No? No. Similar to a grape? Oh. Cherry.

Cherry's a stone fruits. Yeah, I had to Google it. They are a stone fruit. Bloody hell. Wow, we've learned a lot here today. Learned a lot already. It's about all we've got time for. Thank you so much for joining us.

The cherry family. The cherry family, yes. Great name. More specifically, the cherry sisters. Okay, that's a great name. This has been suggested by Scy. Sophie and it's a pretty fun story. So in the mid to late 1800s, the Cherry family lived on a farm in Marion, Iowa.

Thomas and Laura Cherry had eight children, six of whom survived infancy. The names were Ella, Lizzie, Addie, Effie and Jesse and their brother Nathan. Poor old Nathan. They were raised on a farm in Lynn County. Their mother Laura died in 1875, leaving the kids in the care. of their father and all the family, the whole family, dad and all the kids, tended to the 40-acre farm. Big farm. They were quite a poor family, but Thomas told his children's stories of how they were descendants of English nobility. I think the sisters accepted this story because as writer Jack

L. High writes, and he has an amazing story that I will draw from a lot, he writes, These poorly dressed barefoot and socially awkward sisters needed an ego boost and they accepted their father's family embroidery. That's kind of nice. That's nice. I mean, can we all order an ego boost and we need one? Yeah, do you want one? Yes.

Dave, you are so great. Thank you. How do you feel? Well, about the same. I wish we took a photo before and after you. Yeah, that would have been better actually. He looked exactly the same. Do you want to give it a go?

Because I didn't do a very good job, it seems. Hey, Dave. Yes. Your hair no longer looks ridiculous. Oh, thank you. Delays the gratification there. I mean, it's about 10 years since it did, but I still thank God every time I say it. Thank God.

I thought I don't have that hair anymore. It's such a weird thing that makes you feel physically sick. No, you've always had great hair, Dave. No, I don't lie to me. Sick because I was jealous. Dave. That's beautiful, flowing main. Thank you.

You are probably a descendant of someone who did something pretty impressive. Now you're talking. Yeah, German. What are some big things Germans did in the past? Poor. There's some big inventions, surely out of Germany. I think the printing press counter Germany didn't know. The Luftwaffe?

Is that them? I don't even know what that means. Is that a blimp? That's the Air Force. Okay. Is that then then? You didn't answer the question. It sounds like a dessert.

I'll have one double scoop luff-waffe. Loft waffer to go. Yeah, I'll have the luff-waffles, please. Oh, damn, I know I want sweets. Their father Thomas died in 1888 when Jesse, the youngest, was 17. Nathan, having gone off to work in Chicago, never returned. Oh, too windy. Yeah, it was like, I cannot get out of this city.

Every time I try, the wind just blows me back inside. I'm thinking, bloody hell. Imagine living in a city where the wind blows you. I guess that's probably most cities. Yeah. But it blows you back into your own house. Yeah. You are like trapped by the wind.

You are a prisoner of the wind. Wow. Wind prison. Whoa. I didn't know about that. So that's when they call it the windy city. It's sort of like, it's like a police town. Yeah.

It's like a cry for help. Yeah. and the wind cries. Get back inside. That's how wind sounds. So Nathan never came back. No, he, well, there's like, Cup.

Hey, you know, there's all these horror movies lately. There's like that one where there's no sound. And there was that one with birds. That one's a bit further ago. Yeah. But maybe this one is where the wind is the baddie. Oh. I'm a kill you.

And Adam Sandler plays the wind. Oh, you've got to get a key. It's not a very good Adam Sandler, is it? Shant man. But it's Wind Man. Okay. The wind man. But how do you escape the wind?

You can't. Whoa. You shoot people trying to shoot guns at it. Shooting each other. Yeah. And really, aren't they? Because you shoot through wind. Yeah.

That's how it ends. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, okay. I think so spoilers. No, I don't have to see that movie that I didn't want to see anyway because I'm scared. So thanks.

Yeah, Nathan, he didn't come back. The way it's written in a few places is that he like, he disappeared. Others were sort of like, he was kind of like, I don't want to work on this farm. I don't want to just live in poverty. Peace out. So whichever way it was, he didn't come back. So Effie wrote later that he had left his sisters, orphans to battle our way through life alone. So the sisters banded together.

They scraped by on what they could make from the farm's dairy output, and they made a pact to stick together. They would never marry or do anything to threaten their sisterly bond. Yeah, right. Like, it's just us against the world. Nathan was the brother, though. So he didn't really leave them orphaned. Orphans to battle our way through life alone.

Yeah, right. So they were like... I mean, he's also an orphan, yeah. They regretted, they held it against him that he didn't come back. Yeah, yeah. That he should have probably stuck with them or, yeah. So yeah, they're sticking together. Reading a description of them sounds a bit like putting a group of superheroes together,

except their skills are really, I mean, much less full on. So it's like, this is how it was written. It was like, Ella, the eldest, was fond of physical work, small and stout. Lizzie, the next oldest, was taller, blonde and a skilled painter. Addie, brown-haired and mathematically adept. Brown-haired? Yeah. That's pretty super.

She's brown-haired. Effie, the musician of the family and the tallest, was often told she had an apple blossom complexion with dark brown hair and mild blue eyes, she wrote of herself. What kind of blue? Mild. Just a mild blue. A lot of their names seem like they just got them out of the alphabet.

There's Adi. Well, that's not really letter. Effie, what was the first one? Ella. Ella. Yeah, yeah. Is it Emma? Is there a Zeti?

Let's note, sadly there is no Zeddy. Gigi? The baby of the family was Jesse, the delicate and babyed beauty of the family in both face and soul. Oh. So she has no skills. No skills, but she's gorgeous and everybody just does stuff like because she's the baby. Look hot. Yeah.

Well, I don't think he said hot. Like a baby. Well, she's going to grow up. Oh, okay. Yeah. Babies grow up, Matt. Sorry, Matt. Oh, my.

God. Why do we have to keep explaining this to you? When have you ever seen a baby girl? Adults are babies once. Have you ever seen a big baby? I haven't. I've never seen a big baby. Okay, so what happens to babies? I assume, you know, they...

Oh, you don't know. Don't know where babies come from? Don't know where they go. They get taken back away by those big birds. So they just drop them here for a bit? Yeah. Okay. To look after them until they're big babies and then they go back to baby town.

Oh, and then they just live as babies in baby town. Yeah, well, big babies. And what's a big baby? A baby that's much like a really big baby. Uh-huh. So, I mean, they're just babies as big. How many? I can't put that any simply.

How many months or years would a baby have to live to be a big baby? After two, they become big. Okay. They go through their, babies have a gross spurt in their two to four period. Right. I thought you went to school. Okay. Well, I mean, I'm just asking questions.

I mean, the whole point of this podcast is to learn. Yeah. And I'm trying to do so. And I feel like this should be a safe place for me to ask questions about big babies. Sorry. Yeah, I mean, that's how it goes. You know, they didn't teach us that in Catholic school. Okay, we didn't learn about big babies.

Oh, yeah. I wouldn't want you to know about that in Catholic school. I don't know about big babies at Catholic school. Yeah. So I didn't know. So how old is this big baby now, like in this period? Well, Jesse was the younger. and when her dad died, she was 17.

Oh, thank goodness. So they were all, like, young women. So at 17, she's quite a big baby. She's a massive baby. You could almost say she's like a, she's probably like a young, like adult. I'm not a baby. I would say. Not yet a big baby.

All I need is. That awkward period. That awkward period between baby and big baby. I hate that. You sit at the dinner table and you can't understand. what the big babies are talking about, but the babies... You don't only go to the baby table. Yeah, it's like, oh, you're stuck in between.

It's sort of just standing up to eat. It's difficult. It's just awful. I do feel for them. So they did what they could to get by. By the early 1890s, Ella was managing the farm and at six cows on her own, while Addy was working in a friend's boarding house in Marion. Jesse was at attending school,

and Effie and Lizzie had moved into town to operate a dairy store. Okay, attending school sounds like that's the kind of school I passed with flying colors. Actually, I didn't always attend. But it feels like a low bar. We teach you how to attend. She's attending school. You're doing it.

You're here, you learn, and you're doing it. Well done. You're not here. Well, that's a shame because you're the ones who need this lesson the most. One morning in January of 1893, Effie was out doing milk deliveries and stopped by Addie's school. They just say good-day. She said, Addy, I've just said, Addy, I've just said, Addy, I've just. excited. We're going to put on a concert at the opera house.

It's just so crazy in my word. And he's like, I don't know. But if he's like, the people will love it. The Cherry Sisters on stage. It'll be fun. This is in the Iowan town? Yes, in their town. So they've got an opera house in that. It's a pretty big town? I think, well, it must have been like a, it might have, oh, actually I don't know.

I think it was a fairly small town. Do they call the Scout Hall the Opera House? Yeah, I don't think Sydney Opera House. Okay. I think more like any kind of theatre, maybe would have been called an opera house at the time. That's a good question. I'm not 100% sure, but they're doing it in an opera house.

So Addie was worried about the reaction to some of the people in the town. She thought it might make their lives a little harder if people decided to mock them or dislike them as a result of them putting on a show. It's sort of like being scared of putting yourself out there. Yes. Tall poppy syndrome's alive and well in Iowa. Bloody hell. But Effie had a reply locked and Lockton, load it. It's like she was ready for this

objection. Shut the fuck up. I said so. She starts punching her. Any more questions? What's it called? The Horse bite on your knee? Was that what it was called? Does that have another name as well? Or just called the Horse bite?

I don't know the horse bite. Yeah. Wow, my brother was so good at those. Back of the car. I could get every time and I could never do it. My little hands. My little delicate hands. The other one that was big in primary school was the

elephant fuck. What's that? I never heard of someone someone had sort of knee you in the butt. Elephant fuck. Maybe that was just

specific to our school. Why was it called elephant fuck though? I think it's elephants I guess have a real big dick. It's like a size of a leg or a knee.

Yeah, right. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. That was, thinking back, that was just one guy and he only did it to me. And was it your brother? It was a real

specific tradition in our house. Elephant fuck And do they Do you yell elephant fuck while It's doing it? Yeah He'd say it as he did it

Is this primary school? High school? Primary school Oh wow Saying elephant fuck in primary school too Sounds like we need to call the principal Jesus Christ

Hey all good fun guys No you were bullied Everyone's going Are you alright man of Hannah We're all We're equally having fun I'm only crying Because I'm laughing so hard

No he got me He got me real good I have to go in the bathroom Unrelated Oh, anyway, that's not what Effie said. Effie did not elephant fuck her. Well, what was her response? Locked and loaded.

She said, it doesn't bother me in the least, Daddy. I'm not afraid of them. That's what she said. She's like, I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit of that whole town elephant fucks us. Let them form a line to elephant fuckers. Honestly, you've never heard of that. That concept, man.

I did it because I could imagine the feeling. Yeah. I can, so I know it's happened, but it was never called an elephant fuck. So that's very funny. So I quickly put together a show, naming it something good, something sad. Oh. Okay. And selling tickets at the local drugstore with a hand-painted sign that read lovely costumes, rare and sweet music, laughter by the yard.

Okay. A bit of fun. What's the sad bit? Why are you hamming that up? Maybe it's like a play on something good, something bad. something good, something sad. That's what that phrase, bad. That's what our show is.

You know, like the counterpoint to sad is good. They're not really selling themselves there, are they? Good. Something good. Something good. Something okay? Something it'll make you cry. They're not over-promising.

Yeah, that's true. So that's all right. I mean, it's your fair show. You don't want to sell yourself to, you don't want to be like, the greatest show in the entire universe. That's true. That's a good point. So maybe like underplay it and exceed expectations. Maybe that's the aim here.

I don't know. And then only a couple of weeks later, the big night was upon them. January 20th, 1893, an audience gathered to see the show. And we've had two weeks later. Yes. So that's right the show, rehearse the show, promote the show, sell the ticket. But also, Dev promised, what were the costumes? Lovely.

Oh, okay. I thought they promised even bigger than that. No, lovely costumes, rare and sweet music. And laughter by the yard. The biggest promise, I think, is laughter. Yeah. By the yard. Which sort of contradicts the sad part of the total. But pathos.

Imagine they said, sadness by the yard. Yeah. Come on down. You can't sell that. So, yeah, there's a crowd coming to see the show. The opener. Set the tone. Ella, performing a self-written ballad called Old Sam Scratch in Blackface.

Okay. Jesse was up next, playing the harmonica and sang a song called, Oh, why did they dig Mars Grave so deep, little Nelly? Is she trying to break into her mother's tomb? Yeah, that's what it says, and why? Oh, why is it so deep? I just want to get the jewels out of there. Jesus.

Oh, why did they dig Mars Grave so deep, Little Nelly? Little Nelly. Why are you asking Nelly? Why is this Nellie's problem? Oh, why did they dig Mars Grave? So deep little Nelly! That's funny. All right.

So far, have we had laughter by the yard or the sadness? Hard to say. Very hard to say. And I will mention as well, there is no further mention of Blackface. So just to let the cringe go. But not great, is it? Not good at all. Not a good start.

Not a good start, no. Throughout the show, the sisters performed a series of skits and musical numbers, poetry, mouth harp playing. I mean they couldn't get a harp? Is that harmonica? Yeah, maybe. Or is there a separate thing? Yeah, it must be.

There's probably a separate thing. Essay reading, fake hypnosis and other artistic expressions. Fake hypnosis. We don't want to do that. Real hypnosis. But if you come up here and we tell you to do something, you just do it. And now you're hypnotized. Like a chick.

Yeah. Yes, good. You're way ahead of me. So a variety show's a big thing at the time, or is this pretty revolutionary? No, it's big, yeah. And so at the end of the night, they'd made a little over $200, which this is like the late 1800s. That's heaps of money. Yeah, good on them. So they made really good money, and they thought, we're onto something here.

Are you looking at Mouth Harp? Yeah. Have you heard of Jues Harp? Mouth. It's also known as Jues Harp. Vargan, mouth harp, Giu-Gor, Gumbard,

Combus, Trump, Ozark harp, Galatian harp, Burimbao di Bokoa or Murchanga. It's a lamellophone instrument consisting of a flexible metal or bamboo tongue

or reed attached to a frame. I imagined it is something you sort of, yeah, yeah, that's more what I was imagining. I was imagining something you have in your mouth and you move your mouth, I think. to change the note and then you press that little thing and it bounces a bit

and makes a sound. It looks like a torture device. Yeah, a little bit, yeah. Yeah, get your nuts in there. So different to a harmonica. So that is important. Yeah. So yeah, they make good money.

First shows at success and they're onto something. So they decide to take the show on the road. The nearest city was Cedar Rapids. But it seems that the sisters had performed mostly to friends and well wishes in their hometown who maybe had been too generous an audience. It's easier to smash opening night at the comedy festival

with your family and friends in there. Exactly, because the city folk of Cedar Rapids hated them. Little Nelly, come on. They hated them. The crowd threw cigars, food, and anything else they could get their hands on as the sisters sang and bowed from the stage.

All I've got is money. I'll peg them with it. That's heartbroken. So obviously they weren't good singers. No. You hadn't mentioned that yet. I know. And literally, I knew that this would be your reaction, so my next sentence covers this.

The elevator pitch of this story made me laugh. A group of sisters travel around doing a terrible show. But then in reading more about them, I felt a bit bad, and I didn't want to mock them. But one part of a really great story about them really turned it around for me. And so, again, it's from Jack El High. He says, no reasonable person could see the audience respond. as I could see the audience's response as adulation. The cherries were taunting the public and performing badly

was essential to their formula. So essentially, there's arguments all through it, but pretty much they were in on it. They were playing the villains sort of. Yes. They were like a parody of a show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that sounds funny.

They sort of went, I don't know if it, I don't think it started in that way. Right. But they kind of went, well, we're doing this show and we're like, and we're getting good audience. audiences and we're making good money and we'll just keep doing it. This is a classic Tommy Wiseo. Oh, I meant the room to be bad.

It's terrible. Now a tour of the world showing you how bad it is. So Sophie who suggested it. Her pitch was it's the original The Room. That's great. So that's the tone to look at it with. Did Sophie have a surname? No, just said Sophie.

I'm not sure which Sophie it was. Anonymous. So, yeah, because I sort of thought the same thing. Originally I was like, this is so funny. and then I read more about them. I'm like, they seem quite nice. I don't like just hearing about a group of young women getting stuff thrown at them,

but they do very well out of it. So I think I believe that they were very much in on it. He also writes that after rioters began breaking up furniture, the management darkened the lights and told everyone to leave. As the press portrayed the event, the cherries misinterpreted this tumult as an eruption of enthusiasm for their talents. But of course the crowd had a different intent

and the sisters could not have failed to realise it. So it's the same sort of thing. Like they're aware of the audience not loving them, but it was sort of the original, it's so bad, it's good. Yeah. And so they lent in. Yeah. It's very, very funny.

But the press are writing stuff like the sisters thought that they were tearing the room apart because they loved it. Yeah, exactly. You're tearing the room apart. Who is he said to? You're tearing me apart, Lisa. You're tearing the room apart, Lisa.

Oh, hi, Mark. The editor of the Cedar Rapids Gazette said, if some indefiable instinct of modesty could not have warned them that they were acting the part of monkeys. It does seem that the overshoes thrown at them would convey the idea. Okay. So people were throwing stuff at them. It's back in the days they wore undershoes as well.

Double shoes. Double shoes. Or was that what they called socks back? Maybe that was the old man for socks. Yeah, must be. You're under shoes and your overshoes. Get your other shoes. I was just being pegged in the face with a sock.

So they got this terrible mean review from the Cedar Rapids Gazette. and they saw it as an opportunity for more publicity and to really milk the attention that they were getting. That was so... Sort of wiling. Yeah. They're just onto it. They disputed the Gazette review of their show,

claiming it was libel, and agreed to take part in a sham trial in front of an actual judge and in front of an audience the next night. So essentially get a judge down, we'll have this whole courtroom scene play out in front of an audience. We'll charge tickets for it, obviously.

Oh, great. They're marketing geniuses. Yeah. So there they... Imagine being able to get people out for that the next night. Yeah. Hey, town, we're doing a show. It's a weird new show where it's a fake court case.

I know you saw... If you saw us last night and threw stuff out of us, but come to the court case. It'll be fun. It'll be different. So there at that show, they argued that editor Fred Forks had written maliciously, and he was convicted, in inverted commas, and sentenced to hard labour on the cherry farm, plus an additional penalty of having to marry one of the cherry sisters.

there's no worse penalty He's like, oh, I've got to pick one! So he's in on this as well, he's coming to be part of the trial? Yeah, he came to be part of it. He's not like, he's not in on the show or he's not really, I don't know, but he agreed to, he's like, if you're going to sue me, then you've got to have to do it, like, in your show. And so that's what they did.

He did not marry any of them. He didn't they already have a pact where they wouldn't get married? Yeah, it was, but that was. But that wasn't them saying you've got to marry one of us. It was the judge saying you've got to marry one of them. Which, I mean, like, that's weird. I guess it's that he or she is a regular judge. Dave, it's the 1800s.

He's a regular judge. That was my feeling. Anyway. But thank you. He or she could be an 1800s judge. You get the feeling that usually the judge has to follow the letter of the law. But in a fun mock trial, you're like, this is the kind of stuff that I've been wanting to try out in my corner.

He's at living. Yeah, making up some wacky stuff. He's like, you got to, you've got to work on their farm. You've got to marry one of them. You've got to pull your pants down for three months. Yeah, and put your shoes on backwards. How about that?

You're out of shoes. Yeah, put your undershoes on backwards. I don't usually get to say this kind of stuff. Power's gone to my head. God, it's good you went loose. So the Cherry Sisters returned home, having made a decent lot of cash over a very short period of time. Awards the best kind of amount.

Oh, could not agree, yeah. Could not agree. I'm so sorry, I could not agree. Especially a decent ward. Yeah, decent one. Made an absolutely decent ward of cash. How much that set you back? Well, half a decent ward.

Decent bunsen burner this one. Yeah. After some thought, a couple of months later, they were back out on the road. They were sort of like, do we want to keep doing this? Yeah. One of the sisters' worry was, we might get ridiculed two nights later in a new town. People are throwing cigars and socks at you, booing you. She's like, this is what I warned you about.

She's like, this is exactly what I didn't want to happen. And they had no, it sounds like no real history of performing, apart from one was a musician. Yeah, one was a painter. And then the rest, they're just like, oh, I'm normally a farmer, but... Love a go. I'm usually a professional baby, but I guess I could sing a song. Professional baby.

I've looked up undershoe as well. It's a covering for the foot, sturdier than a sock, worn under the outer shoe. Why was shoes in so many parts? Guys, just figure out shoes. layers were shoes back then. Anyway. It's like a thick sock. Right.

So yeah, they're back out, heading out on the road. Effie later wrote, No doubt, dear reader, you will ask why we continued in the entertainment field when we had such heavy odds to contend with.

She mused in her memoir. That's a fun sentence too. The reason she says was simple. We were alone in the world and had our own way to make. Father had left no money at his death and it was hard work sometimes to make ends meet.

And when we saw the crowds we could draw, and we knew we gave a very pretty and refined entertainment, why should we let them down us? So they're kind of like, well, fuck them. If they're going to give us their money, and we can support ourselves on it, well, like I don't care what they think of us.

Yeah. It's like they're playing the heel in a wrestling match. Yeah, yeah. Only there's no, what's the other, there's no face. So off they weren't performing around Iowa. In Davenport, a newspaper critic lamented their unutterably rank show. Rank is so funny. That is rank.

Unutterably rank. Couldn't possibly utter how rank this show was. I love it word rank. Yeah, rank's great. So good. In Dubuque, management banned the crowd from bringing rocks greater than two inches in diameter. Brickin hell. Guys, come on, let's not go crazy with the rocks.

So on the way in, with security, empty your pockets and they get out the ruler and go, Yep. Yep. Well, you're trying to get a small boulder in here, mate. Piss off. Yeah, get that one out. I hope they got the chicken wire up. They did. Yeah, right. They were protected.

Oh, wow. Blues Brothers style. Getting hit with a rock. Like even a two inch diameter rock. Just how funny that sentence starts with like they banned the crowd from bringing rocks. Greater than two inches in diameter. Like last week when Dave was telling us about the snooker ball jewel. Yeah.

The same thing. You get hit flush in the middle of the head. You'd be dead. Yeah. Hit hard enough. But, you know, just because you can't bring in big rocks doesn't mean you can't bring in turnips, cabbages and other objects you could throw onto stage. So they weren't measuring the cabbages. No, you could bring any size cabbage you want. Yeah, that'd be great. So they're getting paid. They're also getting all this free food. Exactly. They're walking around on the stage of the big boiling pot. Yeah. Catching it.

We got soup for days. Apparently one time someone sprayed a fire. extinguisher at the stage. Because they were too hot. This actor's on fire. Take that as a compliment. There were police there and they still did that. It's like, oh.

This is from El High again, which is a great read. It'll be listed in the show notes. It says thus emerged the Cherry Sisters routine of giving a performance, seeing good ticket sales, enduring audience misbehavior, expressing outrage and returning right back to the stage. So they just kept going. give it back to the crowd too. I'd be annoyed by it.

I don't know. I don't think so. Oh, you just go on with... But they'd storm off. Is that what you're saying? Maybe it was like, when he says expressing outrage, it might be like being frustrated behind the scenes. Yeah, right.

Obviously, it's not a nice thing to endure. But on stage, she's singing, why is my mother's grave so deep? Little nearly. It'd be interesting because any pressure of it being good would be off. So the art would become being bad at it. So you'd sing further off key and... Yeah.

Yeah. I guess it'd be a fine. line, you can't make it too ridiculous. Yeah, it's got to be, it's hard. That line is actually surprisingly hard. The audience of the time, and like you were saying, was Vortaville, that kind of variety show big, it was, but it wasn't a particularly refined or cultured audience. They were often hostile and disliked women performers, especially ones who flattered

traditional female roles. Very few Vortavill acts found success despite all of these challenges. I should say female Vortovolax. but the Cherry Sisters were one of the lucky few. For the next three years, the sisters toured the Midwest. As word spread, other towns clamoured to get tickets to see for themselves just how bad the Cherry Sisters were. So funny.

Reviewers also tried to one-up each other, just writing the worst reviews. In fact, in 1930, Time magazine noted, in every town that the Cherry Sisters played, it was an invariable custom for the editor of the local paper, to review their act with a column and a half of humour, satire, parody and biting sarcasm. So it was kind of part of the game, is that reviewers would be over the top mean about their show as well. Right.

Which I guess in turn then drums up more publicity and popularity for them. Yeah. Very strange. The Cedar Rapids Gazette, as we mentioned before, their review said, They were simply awful. At one minute the scene was like the incurable ward in a sane asylum. The next it was like a camp meeting. Cigars, cigarettes, everything was thrown at them.

Yet they stood there awkwardly bowing, their acknowledgements and singing on. Imagine getting a cigarette thrown at you. Whilst bowing. Would you even notice? Because it was lit, landed in your hair. If it's like a fresh one, you'd be like, sweet. Fucker that. I could use that as a car.

currency in prison. Could have a plan B? Put that in the old prison pocket? Prison pocket. We'll go on. That sounds like a euphemism for a vagina. I think it's your ass. The prison pocket.

That's good stuff. A few years later in 1896, a man named Willie Hammerstein was managing his father, Oscar Hammerstein's, Olympia Theatre in New York City. The theatre was new but struggling And Willie had heard of the crowds

That the Cherry Sisters were pulling In an interview he said I've been putting on the best talent And it hasn't gone over I'm going to try the worst So the cherries hit Manhattan In November of that year And the New York Times was there

For the momentous occasion They wrote It was a little after 10 o'clock When three length figures And one short and thick Walked awkwardly to the centre of the stage They were all dressed in shapeless red gowns made by themselves almost surely and the fat sister carried a bass drum.

They stood quietly for a moment, apparently seeing nothing and wondering what the jeering laughter they heard could mean. The fat sister. I know. So much of it is just so unnecessary. In their Manhattan debut, Jesse performed a solo rendition of the song Corn Juice. As delicious as corn. juice.

Delicious as corn juice, for I'm corn juice. The twist of the end is that they're corn juice. Hit in the face for the lit cigarette. A critic wrote about corn juice, a sentimental song that convulsed to the audience. Yeah, I can say that happening. Corn juice. Coon juice. Well, it was probably a delicacy of the time.

Corn juice. How do you juice corn? Mush it up. I'd have called it corn milk. Yuck. Addie and Lizzie crooned an Irish ballad and Addie read The Mystery of the 19th Century, an essay she wrote.

Oh, that's fun. I like going out and seeing an essay read. Yeah. By an amateur writer. There was also a sung quartet and a critic wrote, a sad piece, but not as the cherries did it. The audience roared. I laughed at them doing a sad song.

Very confusing. The act climaxed with one of the sisters' signature entertainments, a short play called The Gypsy's Warning, in which Effie played a soothsayer who warns the innocent maiden, played by Lizzie, of the evil intentions of a crude and mustachioed suitor, played by Addie. The Gypsy's warning soon attained the status of theatre legend.

The skits opening line, Lady, in that green grave yonder lies the gypsy's only child, became a popular punchline. How is that a punchline? I don't know. It's so long. Say it again. Lady, in that green grave yonder lies the gypsy's only child.

Yeah, that sounds real sad. No, Matt. It's a very popular punchline. Oh, now I get it. Baffling. It's just this skit they end on, it's like people are coming to the show like, do it, do it line. Oh, that's their big closer.

The gypsy and the grief going yonder, yeah. Do it, yeah, do the gypsy's warning! She said the thing. The Times concluded their review by referring to the sisters as four freaks from Iowa and four wretched women. And that it is sincerely to be hoped that nothing like them will ever be seen again. I should have mentioned earlier, much earlier, probably, that one of the sisters, Ella, I think, she stopped performing with them. Yeah, because there's more than four at some point. Yeah, there's five of them.

after the first few shows she was like yeah I'm just going to stay at the farm My self-esteem is not up for this Yeah I don't want to do this But it's so funny that the Reviewers didn't cotton on It's like it's

You haven't read any other reviews Like this is kind of what it is now So you should be There should be some sort of a change A shift in how you're In the review suddenly They're like Not as bad as I hoped

One star Yeah Or like beautifully awful or whatever You know Yeah. They've decided not to change. They're not still going out there going, we'll kill again with this.

Yeah. They're aware of the reviews they're getting, of the audience reactions, and they're still doing it. It feels like that review, but I guess like now they'd be more talk of it between the towns, probably. But you'd think now they'd be like,

everyone was going to see this famously awful show, and it did not disappoint. It was terrible. Yeah, exactly. But again, maybe it's sort of like what we were saying before about their reviewers trying to kind of one up each other with their terrible mean reviews. So I think they're like they're trying to be dicks about it or something. I don't know. It's hard to know.

It is rank beyond words. What was it? Unutterably rank. It's fucked. Apparently, fresh produce was said to be scarce in New York City because of the demand for projectiles. Wow. People like rocking up with like full backpacks. They're ready to go, yeah. New York was already a pretty big city by then, I'm guessing. Yeah. Is the Hammersmith, did that go on to be a famous theater? Hammerstein. It's not there anymore. But I believe

this one, or maybe it was another one that he built shortly afterwards, is like where Times Square is now. Right. Yeah. Oh, cool. So I was right in the heart of old New York. So even with all those reviews and fresh produce being just sold out everywhere, the show ran for six weeks, drawing in big crowds and saving the theatre from bankruptcy by the 12th day. Wow. So in under two weeks, they've saved this theatre from, and it's only, the theatre had only opened the year before. It was a new theatre, it was struggling, he was probably going to go bankrupt. Under two weeks of having the sisters performing, he's in the club.

That's ridiculous. That's amazing. Before that, he just had, like he said, world-class talent. Yeah, he'd been booking the best. That's a massive hit show. Yeah, it's huge. Like, they're running for six weeks in New York selling out. What year did you say this was?

Was 1888 or just after? This was 86. 1896, 1896, sorry. So in 1890, it was already, yeah, pushing up towards 3 million. people in New York City. So it was a big place. And they sold out of fresh produce in a city of 3 million people.

How much produce are they all bringing individually? Too much. They're bringing enough. Like, how big is the theatre? A couple of thousand or something? Like, you think the first few shows people would just be like,

all right, what have I got on me to throw? Yes. You know? And for me... Jacket. Top hat. Half a pumpkin. Why do you have that on you?

I take it everywhere I go. Take it my pumpkin everywhere. cigarettes in my present pocket. My pumpkin is my best friend. I get hungry. All lonely. I'm going to fuck them hungry. You better believe me.

After New York, the Cherry Sisters began what the New York Times called a triumphant tour of the United States and Canada that lasted for several years. Whoa! They must be, are they making serious coin for themselves? Yeah, they're doing very well. Oh, thank goodness. Nathan's like, God, I wish I could be part of this shit show. All of a sudden he's rocking up.

back said, hey, I reappear. Do you guys need a manager? I'm also a terrible actor. I can suck. So yeah, they're on the road for several years, but they still had their disputes with critics along the way, of course. In Odebolt in 1898, the editor of the local paper

wrote their long skinny arms equipped with talons at the extremities swung mechanically and soon were waved frantically at the suffering audience. Their mouths opened like caverns and sounds like the wailing of the damned souls. He accidentally went to the sloth enclosure at the zoo. Speaking of horror movies. Yeah. Sounds like, yeah, he's gone and accidentally seeing some howler monkeys.

With their mouths opened like caverns. Wow, always eating some really strong cheese before bed. Yeah. That's a nightmare. Sounds like wailing of damned souls. issued there from not a lot of that one actually has anything to do with the show and feel

super sexist. So the sisters sued the paper for defamation as well as another paper. You don't have talons? Yeah, I reckon you'd be able to prove that pretty quick. Well, they had them on the night, though. They've gotten rid of them since. They've trimmed their talons.

They've trimmed their talons. Yeah, they sued the paper and another one in Des Moines. Des Moines, Iowa, where Bill Bryson. from. His first book said, or his first book about America said, I come from Des Moines, Iowa. Someone has to. Amazing.

God, he was so bitter, so early. He was. Yeah, a paper in Des Moines had reprinted the review as well, so they sued both papers. In a landmark case, the Iowa Supreme Court eventually ruled in favor of a newspaper's right to freely criticize public performances, stating the editor of a newspaper has the right, if not the duty of publishing for the information of the public, fair and reasonable comments. That's right. It's their duty to warn people of your talents.

Yeah. And when you open your mouth, it's like, the souls of the damned. That was a typo. We said you've got long arms with talent at the end. Your fingers are very talented. And it goes on to say, surely, if one makes himself ridiculous in his public performances, he may be ridiculed by those whose duty all right it is to inform the public regarding the character of the performance.

Apparently, this case is still frequently held up as a precedent and contemporary court cases. Wow. Yeah, that's interesting. It's very interesting. Yeah. So... Can I still listen to these Bill Bryson books?

There was one anecdote he told, and when I was listening last night, about how funny English people are. And it's this long run-up. It was paragraphs long, how the trains went running and stuff. And then he got on this train and it hadn't gone. It was just sitting there.

And he was the only one on there. And this guy with a big bushy beard. So bushy, it could fill a mattress, he said. And then he goes, and I asked the man, I said, how long have you been waiting here for? And the guy goes, well, put it this way. When I got here, I was clean shaven. And then he goes, I like that very much.

That was it. He's like, English people are so funny. Check out this long story. Well, fun time was worth the payoff. Yeah, which ends in a very funny way. I mean, nothing to, nothing, not having to go up, this bearded man. It's a funny little quip on the train.

Just answer the question. How long? Ten minutes? Longer? But he said it was a decade. He's got this memory. He's carried it around with him for a decade or so. I think ultimately what you're remembering there, Bill,

is just a nice human moment. Yeah. You and that guy had a little laugh. It wasn't particularly funny. Not probably worth retelling verbatim, but it was a nice moment of connection. And he was talking, he's like, you know, they just wouldn't understand

that kind of irony in America. Irony. Or he might have even said anywhere else in the world. Another example he gave was buying a ticket for the bus, he said. And I said, how much is that? He said, can I get a receipt? And the guy goes, well, the ticket's free.

but it's $18.50 for the receipt. And it goes, if they said that in America, they would be confused. So he's not, like, he's kind of, well, he's wrong, firstly. But also, does he think he's above all Americans because he does get it? Yeah, I'm not sure. But I'm like, America's got a fair history of comedy as well. I know England does as well. But I think both countries get jokes.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't know. I haven't spent that much time in either, so maybe not. It's so funny. Oh, you're going to say that anywhere else. Yeah, like, would not get it. They wouldn't get it. Any other country in the world would not get that kind of level of comedy.

Would not have a clue. Maybe, I mean, this was from the mid-90s. Maybe we wouldn't have got it back then. Maybe Americans have only just caught onto comedy. Yeah. They did. Yeah, anyway, whatever. I'm still listening.

I'm still enjoying it, but there's so much of it, I'm like, Bill. No. Why you're still listening. Is it a hate listen now? No, I fall asleep to it every night. But the guy reading and his voice is so irritating. He's got a...

He's very talented, the voice actor, I reckon. Very talented, how so? Well, he does a lot of accents. There was one recently that was a questionable accent. But mainly like American and English accents. He does quite well. But what you don't know is he is dressed up in costumes of them. Yeah, he's doing a little play in his soundproof boots.

It's just audio. Stop it. You don't have to do a costume change. I can't do the voice without the costume. I refuse. Hello, Squire. Hello. Took me 30 minutes to get ready for that line.

Now I've got a big hat on. He's wearing a big fake beard. Let's put it this way. Sorry to our regular listeners who have, over the last few weeks, had to start hearing me talk about Bill Bryson a lot. I love it. I don't. I hate it.

After a few more years of touring and making great money for themselves, by the turn of the century, the taste of theatre goers was changing. Theatre goers. People didn't want vaudeville shows anymore, and they weren't being offered, the sisters weren't being offered theatres in big cities to big audiences anymore. While they were doing shows in Hot Springs, Arkansas, in 1903, Jesse, the baby of the family, became quite ill.

She'd contracted malaria and typhoid. shit and passed away at the age of 33 Oh shit Effie later wrote All the joy of our life Was gone with the death of our little sister For she was one of God's most perfect flowers

Was she the baby? Yeah Jesse was the youngest Without Jesse the remaining sisters I mean it's equally sad If any of them died Not the baby Oh not the little one I'm picturing a real big baby

Yeah 33 I know a guy who died of 33 Not Bill Bryson now another bearded man but he rose again much like Bill Bryson Bill Brison has written the books are really like it is short history

of everything Stop bringing him up How does he bring him up? I just talked about one of them dying You're like the thing about Bill Bryson He daved it at that time Dying that's something that Bill Bryson hopefully won't have to be

He actually said it in this book That was you that time He had to hear that was you He said he's going to live forever. He did say that. Love you, Bill. We're going to come in one day, Matt's going to have like a Bill Bryson T-shirt on. I was just going to slowly, he's going to morph into Bill Bryson,

and then he's just going to hand us a pamph for one time to join a Bill Bryson cult. Yeah, you want to join the hook? It's a good word of Bill. Our Lord and Savior. So with the Hatt, Jesse, the one who died. Are they down to three now? On the tour? On the tour?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, maybe they can get the fifth sister back? No, they decided to stop performing and they returned home. So they'd made really good money in their heyday, up to $600 a week, the equivalent of more than 17 grand in today's money. That's like, you know, in their peak. I'm sure it fluctuated, but, you know. Yeah, especially the New York run.

Yeah, six weeks of that. They're making really good, really good cash. And did they put any aside? Yeah, yeah. So with their savings, the sisters opened a bakery in Cedar Rapids, specialising in cherry pies. Oh, great. Love that. Warrant sang a song about that later on.

Is that too old of a song for you guys? It was before you were born. Anyway. Is that cheese by? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Who was it? Warrant.

Warrant. One hit wonder. Where do I know that? I know it from a 90s movie, I think. Could be Wayne's World. Anyway. Yeah, the very Wayne's Worldy sort of sound. Yeah.

I'm loving some of the. city names in this story. Cedar Rapids is great. There's a movie, I think, called Cedar Rapids. Yeah, I thought... A comedy movie, maybe with Will... Will... Guy used to be on Saturday Night Live.

Farrell. Oh, no, maybe not Will then. He's the last man on Earth? I think he's in it. Will Arnett. Not Will Arnett. How many funny wills are there? He's in last man on this, isn't he?

Oh, it could be. Who's the main guy, though? Doesn't matter. Yeah. And the other... Hot Springs. Hot Springs sounds cool as well. Hot Springs, yeah.

Hot Springs, Arkansas. Yeah, sign me up. That is fun. I want to go there. Fuck, now who am I thinking of? Doesn't matter. Will Forte. Will Forte, thank you.

So, yeah, they had their bakery. They lived in Cedar Rapids in a house decorated with a, like, they had their family coat of arms. They had souvenirs from their theater career and a large portrait of Jesse. It sounds like they fucking nailed it. Yeah, they did pretty well. Absolutely, they got in, made a living, like, sort themselves out for the rest of their life,

set themselves up with the bake. Having a bakery in Cedar Rapids just makes me feel happy. Yeah, it sounds lovely, isn't it? Amazing. Yeah. Effie struggled a little bit with her now relative anonymity.

And so she decided to run for Mayor of Cedar Rapids. Oh, I do say. I do say, Miss Mayor. This is some of her initiatives. Have a think about if you would vote for her as mayor. Okay. 9 p.m. Winter Curfew for adults.

No. Closing public parks to eliminate them as tristing spots for the young. All right, I'm on boarded. Requiring swimmers to use more modest bathing suits. And the outlawing of profanity on the street. Makes fucking sense. What? No, what?

I don't like any of those things, I don't think. You do love a skimpy bathing suit, don't you? You do love banging in a part? Well, I like the, I think anyone should be able to skimp out if they want. And talking about back in these days, Skimpy would have meant showing your ankles. Yeah. She's like, I want full-on skirt suits.

I'm drowning under the weight of these board shorts. I want you to wear over socks in the water. He was not in that film anyway. After all that, there's not a single will in the film. Ed Helms, John C. Reilly, the big two. Sigourney Weaver. Oh, my God. Anne Hesh.

Isaiah Whitlock, Jr. There you go. Fun facts. It's all good fun. So yeah, she's run for Mayer, and she received 8% of the votes cast. Okay. Two years later, she repeated her campaign and snagged less than 5% of the vote. Less than 5.

About half of last time. But if there was like hundreds of candidates, is that enough to win? Yeah, no. They did perform a few more times over the years, although with their advancing age, audiences no longer threw vegetables at them. Oh. They were older ladies. They threw mushy pees.

Chew them down. Soups. Throwing ladles of soups. She's really fucking flicking it up. Splat. I got a whole big pot of it. I could go all day, ladies. I got like 80, 90 ladles here.

Slap. That's fun. In a real display, I have do it a 180. After one appearance in Cedar Rapids, the city's paper, which was not very kind to them many years before, called them distinguished local artists. Oh, that's nice. That's nice. They had a brief renaissance in 1934, touring New York, Chicago, and Minneapolis, and a couple of other places as well.

And L. High said they had hardly changed their act at all and their costumes now qualified as antiques. They just kept everything the same. They didn't have that drive to like write new. What are the classics? Let's keep what works. I mean, that sounds kind of fun. Like it's all original stuff for the true fans. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, be great. Yeah, and yeah, they became sort of popular again. So they did a few more shows. But all good things must come to an end. No. Can't be a surprise for people that were alive in the late 1800s. No, tell me, no. Ella passed away in 1934.

and Lizzie in 1936. Effie, she was, the, oh no, Effie and Addie were left, and Effie spent her time writing a play and short novels that bore such titles as the blacksmith's daughter and nobody's child. They were all fairy tales in which poor and beautiful young women often described as barefoot and pure of soul,

survived abandonment and the petty envy of others before finding a real home and true love. Which is very nice. Addie passed away in 1942 and Effie in 1944. Still to this day, the true motivations of the cherries remains a mystery.

I mean, I've done this whole report very much with the tone of like they were in on it, but some people kind of wonder if they intentionally put on horrible performances simply for the money, well aware of their lack of talent, or did they actually think they were good

at what they did and the negative reviews were unwarranted? Some have argued they wouldn't have gone to the effort to sue different people if they weren't taking themselves seriously. But others say that they absolutely knew what they were doing and were in on it the whole time. Yeah, that could just be seen as extra publicity. Yeah, exactly.

They did the full fake courtroom thing. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like they were in on it quickly. And that was after their second show. Yeah. A reporter for the Des Moines Register wrote, either the Cherry Sisters are completely sincere

and take themselves seriously or they are the most accomplished actresses. The world has ever known. Okay. So they were probably believed in themselves, according to them. I choose to believe the latter. They are the most accomplished actresses. The world has ever known.

And they took the secret to their grave. Yeah. Oh, that was a fun story. Yeah. The saddest part of it was the last sister died in 1944 when Fitzroy won their last premiership. She went to her grave thinking, Fitzroy are going to be a power forever.

And now they don't really even exist as a job. team anymore. I know. Makes you think. Doesn't it? Doesn't it make you think? Does it? Oh, bloody hell, doesn't that make it?

If that doesn't make you think with something wrong with you, that's what I always say. I'd have a brain check if it was you. But yeah, that is my report on the Cherry Sisters. Oh, fantastic. I'm not sure what to call the episode. Cherry Sisters, the worst act of all time. Don't know.

Oh, yeah. Something like that's pretty fun. I like to hope that they're in on it Yeah, I think I think it makes it more fun to laugh at That was great, great fun I mean When you said Blackface

I thought this was going to take a I didn't have to mention it It's probably good that I did Anyway Different time Oh yes, 1800s It's not okay but Yeah

Great report Jess I love when people suggest a topic like that. Thanks so much to Sophie. And then one of us is a report on it. I had never heard of them. I'm likely to have gone through my entire life without hearing about the Cherry Sisters. So, yeah, great report, great suggestion. Don't forget, you can always suggest a topic by going to our website do go on pod.com. And anyone can suggest a topic.

And, yeah, if you know any sort of obscure stories. Let us know. Even it might be from your country where it's only known in your part of the world. We'd love to hear about it. Yeah. And, yeah, I mean, they're often the best ones. So many of the ones we do have been suggested by dozens of people. But the ones, often the great ones, are only suggested by a solo Sophie, for instance, today.

And yeah, I think they're great because they're the kind of stories you just never would. Or I mean, we wouldn't. I'm guessing in Iowa, they're very well known. I bet one Bill Bryson knows their story well. Someone has to. Fuck you love Bill Bryson. You got a funny relationship. It's a real love-hate relationship.

Mostly love. So that brings us to everyone's favorite section on the show, which is where we get to start thanking some of our great Patreon supporters who support us via patreon.com. Or do go onpod.com or do go onpod.com. And there's all sorts of levels you can support different prices, depending on what you want to do. And depending on the level, you get different rewards.

Like right at the lower one, you get to at least vote on top. So at the moment, they're my topic. So I think one next week will have been voted on by them. Oh, pretty much everyone. And then you've got bonus episodes and a Facebook group, exclusive to the supporters, and a newsletter and... Pre-sales for shows we do. Yeah, you get pre-sales.

Usually you get discounts. We forgot to do that on one recent show. But we regret it and we'll fix that next time. I hope someone got fired for that, Blunder. Dave put it up without a discount. People had already bought tickets and then we felt guilty. We can't put a discount on now. Because then the people who bought the first tickets won't get the Disney,

and that's unfair. Really threw Dave under the bus too. He deserves it because it was his fault. But all those people who attend that show will be there with a few. A couple of come up to me. I'm going to come up to Dave and he'll give you a few coins back. Yeah, that's right. I carry a lot of coins.

In his prison pocket. Give me a second. I've got a $2 out here somewhere. Is that? I didn't get it at first, but is that a real term? Yeah, you never, prison pocket. I've never heard of the prison pocket as your butt. Smuggle shit in.

Well, not shit, other stuff. Yeah, the shit, you don't put it in there. But one of the things, of all the rewards... You're doing it wrong if you put it in the shit in. Don't do that. Oh, I read it, I read a... Anyway, there's a... And just in case it's a topic one day, but there was one story I read

looking at topics recently where a woman was putting, anyway. So, a bit of sizzle. I don't think I want to hear that topic to the eyes. I read it through it. I'm like, I won't put that one up for the vote. I'm going to delete that one from the hat. So one of the big rewards you can get by supporting us on the Sydney Shineberg level is the fact quote or question section of the show.

has a little jingle that goes like this. Fact quote or question. I'm doing it like the Cherry Sisters. He's got hit in the face with a bit of cabbage. He always remembers the cabbage. You get to give us a fact, a quote, or a question, and you also get to give yourself a title. This week, just looking ahead, we've got three facts and a quote.

So here we go. The first one comes from Jamie Griffiths, who's given himself the title of President of the Perth, do go on fan club. prestigious title you're holding there. Jamie. Self appointed too, which is very brave. Well, I can only assume there was a vote.

Oh, yeah. And we just weren't notified. I mean, why would we have been? Yeah, you're right. It's not our business. So Jamie has offered us a fact, and that is, did you know, I reckon Dave might not, might know this. Okay.

Did you know Michael Cain's real name is Maurice Joseph Micklewhite, Jr.? And you assumed I wouldn't know that. Unfucking believable. You don't fill your brain with... Mush. Only important information in this noggin. Was it Maurice or Morris? Oh, confess that I did not know that.

I did not know it. I knew it was Maurice. I couldn't... I wouldn't remember the rest of it. What's the full title again? It's a beauty. Maurice or Maurice, I reckon. Joseph Micklewhite Jr. What a classic.

Micklewhite is fun. Morye. M.J. MJ. Yeah, that's good. Hello. My name. That's Maurice. Michael White, something.

Don't know. Great fact. Thanks, Jamie Griffiths. The next one comes from Tessa Chilcott, who's given herself the title of assistant to the undersecretary of the Secretary of Secretaries. Oh, an important job. And Tessa has offered us a fact, which reads, Victoria's first act on becoming queen was to ask for an hour alone.

I love that. That's so good. God, you've got to take some me time. 18 year old Victoria had been raised under the strict Kensington system which kept her sheltered, isolated and controlled. She was accompanied everywhere by governesses and slept in the same room as her mother until the day she became queen. It's according to historypress.

com. Was she already married? Or history press UK. I'm not sure. No. No, she was, wasn't she? She was very young. She was 18.

Wasn't she in Africa with? That's Queen Elizabeth. Second, this is Victoria. Yes. Oh, yeah. I was like, no, I'm sure I'm there. I'm sure I saw the crown. I did.

She was in Africa, she was. Victoria, my apologies. I hope they take the crown back. I know they're not going to do another, are they doing one more season or something? I love them to reboot it. A bit of Victoria. Yeah.

I know there are already seasons about that sort of that. That's a cool fact that she'd never been alone and she went, you know what's amazing. Now I'm in the top job. Everyone will do what I say. I'd like to be alone for an hour. It's a great use of it. And Tessa writes,

can't blame her for an hour alone. She was 18 when she became queen. Not an hour alone until she was 18. Wow, I imagine that she must have done the most horrific fart. She had holding it in that whole time. Oh my God. Just really let her rip. Which makes more sense

based on Tessa's emoji that she used there. That's definitely I'm holding in a fart. Yeah. Two vomiting faces. We're holding in vomit. Thank you. so much for that great fact tessa the next one comes from vincenzo giovanni bonadonna i always look forward to that name and uh vincenzo's title is the mandela man because i enjoy making them

check out my insta at vigny's underscore mandala's what's man what's a mandela it's like a um i don't know how to explain it um it's like a very intricate sort of i love how he worked to plug into his title yeah very good really good stuff i don't know it is either. I know what they are. I just don't know how to describe them. Can you give us a broad thing? Is it a sound? Like an intricate drawing kind of thing. Oh, okay. Gotcha. So Vinnie's or Vincenzo's quote is, I hate it when people say I'm lollygagging when I'm clearly dilly dallying. Oh, that's a good quote. Oh, they're fun. That's fun, fun illustrations. He said, I saw this as a tweet. Very funny stuff. That is good. Now I'm on the

great man's Instagram and, oh, that's not a good review. Sorry, it's asked me

to log in. I can't remember my password. That's what's happening every year. Really good stuff,

really intricate. Yeah. Great work because I wasn't sure what a Mandela was. So you've educated me.

Yeah, I thought it might have been Nelson related, but that's a different kind of about. No,

these are really great. Good stuff. All right. Cheers, Finchenzo. And finally, from Derek Brigham,

who has given himself the title of ambassador to all the dogs. Oh, that's a big, an important job. Oh, love them. Derek has offered us a fact, which is, in popular culture, the term going critical is often used in a sense of things going wrong. However, this is not the case in regards to nuclear reactors.

Nuclear. What's on that right? People used to always make fun of George W. Bush for how he said it. And I'm like, yeah. Yes, it's always... It's funny, isn't it how he said it? because now I think of that. Because he might have said nuclear.

Nuclear. Right. So nuclear is all right? Or nuclear? Nuclear? Nuclear. Nuclear. Nuclear.

But he said nuclear. Right. Yeah. Okay. Great. And then Homer also says that too. Nuclear. It's pronounced nuclear.

Anyway, sorry, Derek, to get sidetrack there. Critically, critically is reached when the nuclear reaction is self-sustaining. So in other words, going critical is turning the thing on. It's when the reactor goes super critical that you're in trouble, which we probably heard about in a previous report. Yeah, I think I tried to explain how those reactions work.

Maybe I didn't do a good job. Well, it certainly didn't stick in my head. But that, I think that makes, I think Derek is really... Yeah, it's when the chain reaction gets out of control and he can't slow it down. Yes. Awesome. That was maybe on the one where the guy kept it open with a screwdriver. Yes, the demon core.

Demon core. And then also a bit on the Chernobyl episode too. Well, that brings us to the time where we thank a few of our other great supporters. Justin comes up with a little game with something to do with the episode topic. Can we name their vaudeville show? Yeah, great. Something good, something sad. Okay, fantastic.

Maybe. Yeah, I think that's a... Or their incredibly long song title. Yeah. Yeah, I reckon that's fun. Incredibly long song title is great. We can do like one word each. All right, I'm looking forward to it. What was that noise?

I'm excited. I think Jess has gone super critical. Okay, so if I may kick us off, I would love to thank from Barz Scrub in Queensland, Australia, Matt Stafford Okay Really long song

So what's the example song? Oh, why did they dig Mars Grave so deep Little Nelly All right so probably a few words each I'll say, I fucking three each Dear Lily Pal man A few words each Yeah, yeah

Dear Miss Daisy Why'd you leave? Eat my lunch That's a beautiful Beautiful lament. Beautiful lament. Is that a bracket? Yeah.

Eat my wife. Thank you, Matt. I also love to thank from Heathfield in Essex in Great Britain, George Moody. I look to the sky and feel sadness. Oh, my God. You go so many words. Dave, you go. But then I fell down a well.

Eat my dinner. Beautiful. We're doing a trilogy here? Yeah. I look to the sky, see sadness, and then I trip down a well, eat my dinner. They seem to like connect slightly from one to two, and then three takes a real left-down turn.

Hey, we're not, I mean, we don't make the rules. This is just how songs went out in the day. Yeah, I mean, exactly. Who the fuck was Little Nally? Finally, I'd love to thank from Dayton, Dayton, Ohio in the United States, Lee Agna, or Agni. up in my house attic.

I like to eat spiders. Don't tell mum. That's great. A beautiful, a beautiful song. Classic oh high in tune. Yes. I love beautiful. Just lovely.

Don't tell mum. Can I thank a few people? Please. I would like to thank from what I believe is Germany. from Lemgo, it is Frederick Heinen. Frederick Heinen. Okay. So do I kick this off? Yeah, go on.

Tying up my shoe. Feeling a deep sadness. Don't tell Mom. Yeah, Mom's frail. We want to protect it. Yeah, I don't want it. It's hard to be vulnerable. Don't want to know that we're having bad thoughts. We'll pick up. What is happening?

Frederick Heinen. Love that. Thanks so much. I would like to thank now from Croydon Hills in Victoria. It's Claire Heslemons. Heslemans. Knock, knock, knock. Someone's at the door.

I'm caught in a sack. Where are my keys? Plenty of problems there. One. Someone's a bad day. One, you're stuck in the sack. Two, even if you're out of the sack, you don't have your keys to open the door to let someone in. It's not even clear, maybe the sacks locked as well with a key.

I can't buy my sack key or my house key. Oh, your sack key, your sack lock. Oh, fuck. Claire Hessell. Having a time. I would finally like to thank from Winter Garden in Florida. It's Lauren Nasser. Okay.

Things be good. Things be great. Things be popping. That's good. Things be good. Things be popping. No, things be great. Things be popping. That sounds like... That's a joony number. That's like an encore.

Yeah. All right. We've got time of one more. Everything else be long to that one. Thanks be good. Thanks be great. Things be popping. Yeah. Thanks so much for coming out, everybody. Thank you so much. Oh, fuck it hell. I would love to thank some people too, if I may.

Please do. From Salem in New Hampshire. Is that where the witch trials are from? That might have been Massachusetts. A couple of salons. Similar sort of area, right? Yeah, all that old school region. Northeast?

Yeah. Vaguely. Both called Salem. I would love to thank Dylan Hooper. Oh, do I have to start it? Yeah, you started. Sometimes at night. Oh, I drink the candle.

The lion roars. That's their tummy being like, what the fuck? They call their tummy the lion. Don't drink candles. I would also love to thank from Sue Falls, South Dakota. Dempsey, Tapley. Oh, fuck, it's me again. Look it around.

Damn it! I have a thirst. Pass the beef. There are scratch marks from inside the coffin. I have a thirst. Past the beef. There are scratch marks from inside the coffin. That's lovely.

My goodness. It's more of a, like a metal track, I'm imagining. And finally, I would love to thank, not that I want this to end, I would love to thank from Tomball or Tomball in Texas, Alan Peach. Oh, Pete. Great name.

This fruit has a stone. Feeling fruity. Sooten. Sootin. That's the most chupish one of all. Mm-mm. So I'm feeling fruity locked and loaded before you said fruit.

So what will you recap that one? This fruit has a stone. feeling fruit and fruity mm-mm-mm-suiting I think Alan's having a breakdown Is that what he says When he's putting on a suit He's wearing a suit

Okay Yeah we lost a little bit there That was really fun That was a true segment for the real The true believers No Not even for him First time I'll be going

What the fuck is going on That was for us Yeah Nobody else enjoyed that And the other thing, the final thing we like to do is thank a few of our great long-term supporters and we welcome them into the Triptage Club. The way you get involved in this is being a subscriber or a supporter on the shout-out level or above for three years straight and then you get inducted into the Triptich Club,

which exists both in our hearts and Jess. Where is the physical location this week? It is in Salem. Salem. But you have to figure out which one. And you only, well, only the,

uh, the, uh, the real inductees find out. Yeah, yeah, uh, so,

yeah, to be involved in this, you give us, uh, what do you do? You sign up on the Sydney Scheinberg. No.

I forgot what we're talking about. It's the shoutout level above. You're on there for three months. Then, three years. Uh, mm-mm, so you.

So you. Uh. If you get him stay on board for three years, then what happens is, I'm standing at the door. I got the list. This week we've got, it looks like, seven inductees. I'm on the door, I'll read out your name, open the velvet rope, you jump in, Jess is there greeting you with a tray of new cocktails. She's come up with related to the show.

Dave's booked a band. Who's the band this week, Dave? Oh, we actually have the Cherry Sisters. Yeah, it's got to suck. And Warren. But don't worry. But we've got the chicken wire up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we must.

So feel free to bring a cabbage or two. But make sure the rocks are no bigger than inches. Feel free to buy all the projects in all of New York City and bring it down. Yeah, that'd be good. And Jess, do you have some sort of a cocktail? Yeah, yeah, we're having cherry cocktails. What's cherry in? It's a cherry liqueur probably?

Surely, yeah. What is that? What's a shombot or something? Shambord, is that cherry? Shambord, isn't it? Yeah. Is that cherry? That's what you put in a jammed donut shot, right?

Shambord. Fuck, it's so young. Shamboard. Raspberry. Sorry. Sorry, sorry everyone. But we've got, yeah, we've got plenty of cherry stuff. We've got cherry ripes.

Cherry pie. Mm-mm. Suiting. Yeah, heaps of stuff. Come on down. Holy shit. I've just seen one of the places someone's from. You're going to love it.

All right. So, are you ready? So the way this works is, I shout him out I welcome you in you run in all the previous inductees are lining up either side

slow clapping Dave's on the mic he revs you up then Jess because it takes a lot for Dave to rev someone up Jess then boosts up Dave with a little support from your side So first up from address unknown

It's Will Ross Oh there's a Will there's a Ross From Wellard in Western Australia It's Kate McGilvray Oh McGilvray That's a good time Yes! From San Diego, from San Diego in California in the United States, it's Janet Allendor.

Oh, welcome to Planet Allendor. Yes, yes, yes, yes. How about this one? From Cedar Rapids in Iowa. It's Devin'Revon Bruns. Oh, Cedar rapidly into our hearts, Devon. How cool is that? That's great.

That is really cool. From Denver in Colorado in the United States, it's Maverick Valdez. Oh, we got ourselves a maverick here tonight. From Austin, Texas, stay weird. In the United States, it's Tim La Fuente. Oh, La Fuente. We've got to have a good time with that. Yeah.

And finally, from Brighton in Essex and Great Britain, it's William Hughes. Oh, this guy's real Brighton. Yeah. Yes. What's that made? Smart, bright. Okay. Well, that brings us to the end of the episode.

Dave, you want to boot this baby home? Thank you so much before we go to. William, Tim, Maverick, Devin, Janet, Kate and Will. Maybe that's got to be up there with some of the best crop of names I've ever had. Some of them were so good. I couldn't even do anything with them. It was just the man who just spoke for itself. Back to back, Maverick Valdez and Tim LaFuente.

Oh, incredible. Not forgetting Janet Allendorf, Devin Bruns, Kate McGilray, Will Ross, William Hughes. Sorry, William. Ah, Hughie. He's really bright on. He's really bright on. Home of Nick Cave.

Well, that does bring us to the end of the episode. Dave, do you want to boot this baby home? Thank you so much for listening. As always, you can get in contact with us. At do go onpod.com, where you can find links to the aforementioned Patreon. We can support the show. Got merchandise that also supports the show, and you can get to rock some sweet threads while you're doing that. You can check out our gig listing as well as, yeah, just getting contact with us.

At do go on pod on all the social medias. We're on YouTube. We're investigating TikToks. We're doing it all. living large. Until next time, we'll say thank you so much for listening. And goodbye.

Bye. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester. We were just in Manchester. But this way you'll never miss out.

And don't forget to sign up, go to our Instagram, click our link tree, very, very easy. It means we know to come to you and you'll also know that we're coming to you. Yeah, we'll come to you. You come to us. Very good. And we give you a spam-free guarantee.