Two In The Think Tank - 304 - The New England Vampire Panic
Episode Date: August 18, 2021In 1990 some children uncovered an unmarked New England cemetery dating back to the 1800s. One of the graves was different from all the others and it's discovery was another piece in the puzzle of the... New England Vampire Panic of the 18th and 19th centuries, tune in to hear the story!Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Get a ticket to our show at the Great Australian Podcast Festival on Nov 6: https://bit.ly/DGOgapfFor tickets to Matt's Live Shows: https://www.mattstewartcomedy.com/Buy tickets for our screening of The Mummy on September 10: https://www.lidocinemas.com.au/mummyStream our 300th episode with extra quiz (and 16 other episodes with bonus content): https://sospresents.com/authors/dogoon Check out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​ Check out Matt’s Beer show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ej4TUguJL58 Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: dogoonpod@gmail.com Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/the-great-new-england-vampire-panic-36482878/https://history.howstuffworks.com/history-vs-myth/new-england-vampire-panic.htmhttps://newengland.com/today/living/new-england-history/new-england-vampire-history/https://www.sciencehistory.org/distillations/podcast/vampire-panichttps://www.history.com/news/vampires-tuberculosis-consumption-new-englandhttps://www.history.com/topics/folklore/vampire-historyhttps://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/article/vampires-europe-new-england-halloween-historyhttps://www.britannica.com/topic/vampirehttps://www.historyextra.com/period/medieval/were-vampires-buried-with-a-stake-through-their-heart/https://www.livescience.com/24374-vampires-real-history.htmlhttps://www.rimonthly.com/vampire-hunter/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go Onon. My name is Zévoon. He and his eyes. I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins.
Howdy, Dave. Howdy, Jess.
Howdy.
Howdy.
Big fan. Hello. Howdy.
I'm not normally... I feel like I say that all the time, don't I? Or maybe not.
I've never, never what? Her'd you say, howdy. Yeah, right.
And now you're like, what do you mean?
I say that all the time.
Do I not say that every episode?
No!
I thought that's just how I talked.
I love it!
And I encourage it.
I don't usually wear that cab I had either, but you know.
It looks good on you.
It works.
It works.
Now, howdy partner, Matt.
Can you explain to possible new listens how this show works? Darn good on you. It works. It works. Now, how do you partner, Matt?
Can you explain to possible new listeners
how this show works?
Don Tutten.
Oh, I don't mose you on over here
and have a little explain in the saloon, but...
Yeah, I'll have a whiskey, thanks.
And while you're putting that together,
I'll let them know that,
well, normally one of the three of us goes away and we research a
topic that has been suggested by the listeners and then we bring it back and then we tell the other
to all about it and they don't know what the topic is and we get onto the topic with a question.
This week I'm doing the topic so I get to ask the question, yes and
Dave don't know what the topic is but they will soon when I ask the question, yes and Dave don't know what the topic is, but they will soon. When I ask the question,
yes and Dave. What's supernatural being caused a pack in 18th and 19th century New England
in the United States? Supernatural being. New England. Okay, this is before David Attenborough's time.
David Attenborough's time. Who else?
We got.
Is it like a werewolf type thing?
Yes, you're very close.
Werewolf aka Likens.
AKA Vampires.
It is vampires.
Well done Dave.
Thank you very much.
So today we're going to be talking about the New England vampire panic
This was suggested by Ben Ward of Southampton in the UK
Peter C. Kinslow from Wilmington North Carolina in the USA quick fact about North Carolina that I went recently
Oh here we go
Apparently their fire engines over there are blue they're not red real Shelbyville type situation
Wild yeah, I'd also love to engines over there are blue, they're not red. Real Shelbyville type situation. Wild.
Yeah, I'd also love to shout out Sophie from North Caduce suggested it as did Christian
Evry from Victoria and Ellie Nicholas from Summers hat in England. A bunch of great
suggestions there. I want to kick it off with the opening of this great article, Abigail Tucker
wrote for the Smithsonian. I think this is one of the key articles about this whole scenario
and I really brought people's attention to it. It's from about nine years ago this article
and it starts thusly. Children playing near a hillside gravel mine found the first graves.
One ran home to tell his mother,
who was skeptical at first,
until the boy produced a skull.
Because?
So that's like,
your mom's going,
yeah, sure, you found a grave
and the boy's holding a skull
behind his back, right?
Which hand, mom?
Left or right?
Is if you're not gonna late with that, look, mom, I found a skullborn who's back, right? Which hand, mom? Left or right? Is if you're not going to lead with that, look, mom, I found a skull.
Where'd you find that? In a grave.
I was hanging out, I was playing on a gravel hill.
Different time in 1990. So that's when this was.
1990 in Connecticut in Griswald.
And police initially thought the burials might be the work of a local serial killer named Michael Ross
as they taped off the area as a crime scene. But the brand-of-cang bones turned out to be more than a century old.
The Connecticut State archaeologist Nick Bellentoni soon determined that the hillside contained a colonial era farm cemetery.
New England is full of such unmarked family plots, and the
29 burials were typical of the 1700s and early 1800s. The dead, many of them children,
were laid to rest in thrifty Yankee style and simple wood coffins without jewelry or
even much clothing. Their arms resting by their sides or crossed over their chests. That
is, except for burial number four.
Bellentoni was interested in the grave even before the excavation began.
It was one of only two stone crypts in the cemetery,
and it was partially visible from the mind face.
Scraping away soil with flat edge sort of shovels,
and then brushes and bare-boost sticks.
The archaeologist and his team worked through several feet of earth
before reaching the top of the crypt.
When Ballantine lifted the first of the large flat rocks that formed the roof,
he uncovered the remains of a red painted coffin and a pair of skeletal feet.
So this is the only one I think that was painted red.
All the other ones were just simple wooden crypts and they were much easier to access.
This one was really buried under a lot of stone.
It took a lot more effort to get to
and then when he found it, it was painted red.
But it is a cemetery.
It is a cemetery.
It's just, it's an old school farm cemetery.
So it's been covered over over the years.
All right, it's all that they...
They...
They were surprised to find bodies in a cemetery.
Yeah.
But there's another one.
It must have been a serial killer.
This is guys, you'll live a believe it.
I've found another one.
I think I know this one's name because it says right here who it is.
I've started a figure out of this.
This serial killer was organized.
This serial killer would love a label maker.
I think this serial killer was a bear goat.
So we find these feet and they're in perfect anatomical position.
But when he raised the next stone, Bellentoni saw that the rest of the individual had been
completely rearranged.
The skeleton had been beheaded.
The skull and thigh bones rested atop the ribs and vertebrae.
And it looked like a skull and cross bones motif
for a jolly Roger.
I'd never seen anything like it,
Bellentoni recalled.
So they found this one grave different from all the others,
even before they opened it up.
And then once they opened it up,
the bones of all being, it's all being messed with in a way
that looks kind of like it's a warning or something. Yeah, something's going on here. The other
skeletons in the grave, the Gravel Hill side were packaged for rebarial but not JB which is what
this one grave came to be known as. They think it was a 50-ish male from the 1830s,
and it was known as JB because they were the initials
that were spelled out in brass texts on the coffin lead.
It was shipped to the National Museum of Health and Medicine
in Washington, D.C. for further study.
Meanwhile, Balantoni started networking.
It invited archaeologists and historians
to tour the excavation soliciting theories,
simple vandalism seemed unlikely as did robbery
because of the lack of valuables at the site.
In the course of his far flung research,
Balontoni placed a serendipitous phone call
to Michael Bell, a road island folklorist,
who would devoted much of the previous decade
to studying New England vampire estimations.
The Griswold case occurred at roughly the same time
as the other incidents Bell had investigated,
and the setting was right.
Griswold was rural, agrarian, and bordering southern Rhode
Island, where multiple estimations had occurred.
Many of the other vampires, like JB, had been disinterred,
grotesquely tampered
with and re-barried. In light of the tale's belltold of violated corpses, even the posthumous
rib fractures began to make sense. JB's accusers had likely rummaged around his chest cavity,
hoping to remove and perhaps to burn his heart. Pretty full on.
Well rummaging around is like a funny way.
I almost got it.
There it is.
Yep.
Yeah, like you're in the dark trying to find something in the back of a cupboard.
My keys, I know they're down the back of this cap somewhere.
Another back of this ribcage somewhere.
Yeah, this vampire.
Just keep rummaging.
So Michael Bell started investigating vampires of the New England area in the early 1980s.
In the first 30 years of his career,
he documented around 80 axiomations
dating from the 18th and 19th centuries,
most of which took place in the regional areas of New England.
He's like the pre-aminent expert
in this sort of folklore vampire field.
One thing to be, Tucker describes him saying,
he wears hair in a sleek silver bulb,
and he has a strong Roman nose.
He favors black sweaters and leather jackets,
and on sombre, he can easily accentuate
with dark glasses to fit in with the goth crowd
if research requires it.
It's an adaptable outfit.
Yeah.
Check on the sunnies. you're a goth god.
Oh, you've got a goth now.
To goth swear sunglasses, is that a thing?
Dave, come on, everybody knows.
Haven't you seen the Matrix?
You're gonna be a goth.
You check on some sunnies.
Yeah, well, when it's sunny, when it's sunny,
when it's sunny, when it's sunny.
I mean, go head to Toby, but you put sannies on your
Goth. You know, there's so many Goths down at the beach in their bodies and
sunnies. Oh my God, Goths everywhere in summer. Goths on the road on a
glary day. Goths everywhere. I myself have been known to be a Goth sometimes.
Some are the Goths time to time.
Black sweater and leather jacket, that's a strong, already.
Yeah, he sounds like a real bad boy.
Yeah.
He's the bad boy of academia.
Oh, wow.
He's a bad boy of folklore.
Oh, yeah.
And his business card says vampire hunting. Yeah. He's a bad boy at folklore. Oh yeah.
And his business card says vampire hunter, all right? Yeah, that's true.
He is described in a,
because he's in any article about this topic,
he is the key featured expert.
He's the one,
either he's just very available to chat to journalists
or he is the guy, one of the two.
I think it's, I think it's a bit of a column,
maybe a column B.
Yeah.
Yeah, this is, can't say it's vampire hunter,
you flip it over, it says, I'm very amount of please.
Please, please call me.
Don't have to say please.
Sunglasses are optional.
Vell, it doesn't really appreciate how fictionalised vampires
have become pop culture darlings in shows
such as Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the Twilight films, saying vampires have become pop culture darlings in shows such as Buffy the Vampire Slayer
and the Twilight films, saying, vampires have gone from a source of fear to a source of entertainment.
Maybe I shouldn't trivialize entertainment, but to me, it's not anywhere as interesting as what
really happened. Okay, well, I mean, if you've seen the Twilight saga, it's pretty interesting.
Saga, it's pretty interesting.
Sounds like someone who's like offended at their portrayal on screen. Is this man about?
Yeah, that's right.
Oh, you could be unassuming here.
Yeah, I'm hunting him.
I'm tracking him down.
I'm an expert in him.
Yeah, just call me, call me.
And he kept me, because he's all, he's like,
no, no, they're not real.
That would be so because he's like no, no, they're not they're not real That would be so that's like crazy that you think that they're real but
No, I can't meet you for lunch during the day, but I can hang out anywhere from
Sundown to sunrise
Wearing sunglasses
That's just because I'm a god. Yeah, I'm a God.
I'm a God.
I'm a God.
So you guys might be wondering, what are vampires?
Is that what you're wondering?
No, I wasn't wondering that at all.
Yeah, I wasn't because I've seen pilots right now.
I've seen all the toilets.
Yeah.
Okay, well, for the listeners at home who don't know, this is from history.com.
Vampires are evil, mythological beings who roam the world at night
searching for people whose blood they can feed upon. They may be the best known classic monsters of all.
Most people associate vampires with Count Dracula, the legendary blood sucking subject of
Bran Stoker's epic novel Dracula, which was published in 1897. Same year that VFL football began. But the history
of vampires began long before Stoker was born. Vietnam, Brahm Stoker is Dracula for Bookcheat yet
though? No, is commonly requested, I've got a copy on the shelf, I was just going through my bookcheat
hat the other day and I think I might be up there in the top three. Most requested books, I reckon,
I'm going to get to it this week. Yeah. You should get to it soon because people look after this episode, people are going to
go vampire crazy.
They're going to be, I want to kind of feed on the blood of your book.
I would just say, so to speak, it's lost control of that.
A little bit in there.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Dracula are aristocrats who live in castles. Some of those things are like, I think with vampires in popular culture
and generally speaking, the rules change from text to text,
but they are a lot of the common ones.
I think sometimes they can see themselves in mirrors.
And I was reading the whole
counsemen mirrors and about
because the people, you know,
trying to take a document and they'd be like,
oh, I tried to take a photo,
but they just don't appear in it.
Mm. That's sort of like a loophole there. It's pretty fun. document them and they'd be like, I tried to take a photo but they just don't appear in it.
That's a little like a loophole there. It's pretty fun. Little goes on, but vampires didn't start out so clearly defined. Scholars suspect that the modern conception of these Halloween monsters
evolved from various traditional beliefs that were held throughout Europe. These beliefs
centered around the fear that the dead once buried could still harm the living. And vampire-like beings have had a long and varied history, according to Alison Eldridge,
writing for Britannica,
creatures with vampiric characteristics have appeared at least as far back as ancient
Greece, where stories were told of creatures that attacked people in their sleep and
drained their bodily fluids.
I think that's a bit vague and not blood necessarily but bodily fluids sucking their piss. Oh god. Suck this piss dry.
Suck it their piss. I mean, it's a weirdest thing, Barbara. Usually I go to bed, I've got
to get up to take a piss two, three times, but last night, I didn't have to get up at all.
What? What can you believe?
Something was sucking out my piss.
It's the last of it. I'm sucking my piss.
It's the only effect.
As it goes on, vampire myths.
Vampire myths were especially popular in Eastern Europe, and the word vampire most likely originates from that region. Digging out bodies of suspected vampires was practiced in many cultures throughout Europe and it is thought that
the natural characteristics of decomposition such as receding gums and the appearance of
growing hair and fingernails reinforce the belief that corpses were in fact continuing
some manner of life after death. That idea that your hair and fingernails keep going, but it's really your body is receding rather than those things going. That's what it makes sense. You know,
the vampires with sharp fingernails and big protruding teeth, that's just people saying
corpse that's half decomposing going, holy shit, I don't understand how this stuff works.
The only explanation. Yeah, how it tastes so big.
Yeah.
Also, possibly contributing to this balloon and belief
was the pronouncement of death for people who were not dead.
Because of the constraints of medical diagnosis at the time,
people who were very ill or sometimes even very drunk
and in a coma or in shock,
were thought dead and later miraculously recovered.
Sometimes too late to prevent their burial.
Believe in vampires led to such rituals
as staking corpses through the heart before they were buried.
In some cultures, the dead were buried face down
to prevent them from finding their way out of their graves.
I love that one.
You know what, I'll trick a vampire,
but I'm still dead.
So they're trying to dig their way out,
but they're digging their way further deep down in the ground. Got them. That's pretty fun.
That's interesting. That whole staking, I never thought about it before. I never sort
of connected it, but the idea of staking them through the heart wasn't necessarily started
as a thing to the moving around vampires come and at ya.
It was about a real human was buried, they were worried was a vampire.
They'd bang a wooden stake into them so that it sort of tethered them to the
gram so they couldn't get up. And then that sort of...
Oh, right. So it's like a...
Yeah, exactly. Isn't that interesting?
Wow. And gross. I never thought of that either.
Yeah, because obviously all these things have some origin
and it's a weird one to come about you.
Obviously you kill a vampire with a wooden stake through a tarp.
That's just what they would have had as a tool at the time
and they were worried that these...
You're like if they'd waited a couple of centuries
like they'd be handcuffing the body to the coffin.
And then you'd be like, all right, just heck out of vampire,
you've got to handcuff it.
You've got to handcuff it.
All right.
According to history, extra.com,
the idea of staking the undead to pin them to their grave
originates as a medieval southern Slavic practice
associated with vampire epidemics.
In these cases, exhumed bodies were considered to be unnatural
because they were undercade, bloodied, or apparently fatter than in life,
and hence not truly dead.
Again, this is today usually attributed to a poor grasp of the processes of decay.
Sometimes they'd be fatter because sort of gases were growing inside them or whatever,
so they look like they're bigger.
But apparently, often these are natural things.
Sometimes they'd move, the gases would fill up,
so sometimes they'd even sit up, the corpse.
They weren't sitting up when we buried them.
So, vampire, I think that's what I mean.
Even today, if I saw one without reading that,
I'd be like, well, that corpse sitting up,
there's something in this, that doesn't feel well.
Yeah, something's a bit off there.
Something's a bit off there. Something's a bit odd.
I just can't quite put it in there.
Yeah, it doesn't seem quite right.
Did he die sitting up?
Was it some sort of L-pine,
toboggan accident or something?
He died doing what he loved.
Tobogganing into a tree.
Tobogganing.
Tobogganing's fun.
Fun word anyway.
Fun word,. Back to semi-div-
Fun word, fun activity.
Not often you can get the double there.
Usually if it's a fun activity, not a fun word.
Yeah, a grade.
Yeah.
Like cricket.
Puzzle.
Fun word, not a fun activity.
Puzzle.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fun word, not a fun activity.
All vice versa, I'm not sure.
A little writing for national geographic
continues on this same writing.
As a corpse's skin shrinks,
its teeth and fingernails can appear to have grown longer.
And as internal organs break down,
a dark purge fluid can leak out of the nose and mouth.
People unfamiliar with this process would interpret this fluid to be blood
and suspect that the corpse has been drinking it
from the living.
Bloody corpses weren't the only cause for suspicion.
Before people understood our certain diseases spread,
they sometimes imagined vampires behind the unseen forces
slowly ravaging their communities.
The one constant in the evolution of vampire legend
has been its close association with disease, writes Mark Collins Jenkins in his book Vampire Forensics.
Trying to kill vampires or prevent them from feeding was a way for people to feel as though
they had some control over disease. Because of this, vampire scares tended to coincide with outbreaks of the plague. In 2006, archaeologists unearthed the 16th century skull and Venice, Italy,
that had been buried among plague victims with a brick in its mouth.
The brick was likely a burial tactic to prevent straga, Italian vampire's or witches,
from leaving the grave to eat people.
It's interesting, depending on the culture, depending on the time and the place in history, these similar ideas about corpses coming back from the dead
to kill or hurt people. That's saying it seems to be an idea that survived through centuries,
but depending on where it was, they deal with it in different ways. Either they turn them
upside down, or they put a brick in their mouth, or they'd stake them to the ground with a wooden stick
interesting.
How big are their mouths in Italy?
Well, how small are their bricks?
You get a full brick in there?
Little continues, not all vampires were thought to physically leave their grave in Northern
Germany, the Naxe-Zera.
You familiar with these days?
You're German heritage?
No, I never heard that.
They don't talk about these at family.
They get together? Well, it hasn't come up yet. But I'll bring it up with the next
re-era in our Deutschland. So they're the NACCH-Zero or after devourers.
They stayed in the ground these ones chewing on their burial shrouds.
Again, this belief likely has to do with purge fluid, which would cause the
shroud to sag or tear, creating the illusion that a corpse had been chewing it.
These stationary masticators were still thought to cause trouble above ground, and were also
believed to be most active during outbreaks of the plague.
In the 1679 tract on the chewing dead, a Protestant theologian accused the Naxira of harming their surviving
family members through occult processes. He wrote that people could stop them by
exhuming the body and stuffing its mouth with soil and maybe a stone and a coin for good
measure. Without the ability to chew, the tract claimed that the corpse would die of
starvation.
Tales of vampires continued to flourish in southern and eastern European
nations in the 17th and 18th centuries to the chagrin of some leaders.
By the mid-18th century, Pope Benedict XIV declared that vampires were philatious fictions
of human fantasy, and perhaps Bergrulla, Maria, Teresa condemned vampires beliefs as superstition
and fraud. Yeah, so for a long time they've been around, but for a long time,
people like this is silly, but you know, even like the pope and stuff.
Oh, I found that interesting that apparently it became big issue in New England
because of what are those areas weren't very religious.
So they had they use these superstitions to explain things instead.
But as I always sort of connected vampire stuff with
Christianity, because you know they use the crucifix to ward them off and stuff like that. It sounds
like the Pope even, you know, centuries ago the Pope was like, now this is silly, this is silly
everyone, stop believing in vampires. Yeah, it was interesting that the way the German guy would stop the knack zeroes by filling
their mouth with soil is pretty clever.
Easier than a brick I would have thought.
Yeah, and more adaptable, like it really, you know, like if you have a small mouth and
they're trying to put a brick in there, it can't fit, but, you know, soil, you just put
as much as you can.
Yeah, exactly.
If it was done today in Australia, it would have been,
fill it with sellies no more gaps.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That'll just fill to whatever the space is required.
Yeah, yeah.
That's what's so good about sellies no more gaps.
Yes.
Lean for a couple of hours and you're ready to go. Very
product. And if you have a Nazi problem, if you have a vampire problem, or an
Nazi problem, or not a problem, or not a vampire problem.
Maybe a similar. Honestly, there's very few problems.
A cell leaves no more gaps. Can't fix. Name some problems. What about the gender?
Sally's no more.
Sally's on the lawn. We'll have this sorted out within the hour.
Thank you, Sally's.
Nax zero. Not Nazi. Nax zero. Sorry. Very different words.
There are a lot of German words with Annenzett in them.
Yeah. There's two right off the top of my head.
There's many, many, many words. There are. What was the letter definition?
Many words out there. That's what's so interesting. That's what I think German, as a language,
as a language German has lots more. But what's the translation?
Translation. Yeah, translation. That's beautiful.'s the translation of translation? The translation of towers. Beautiful.
They're love to slam two words together.
They're beautiful language.
Beautiful language.
So obviously, it wasn't the end of it.
Even when Pope Benedict XIV and Maria Theresa
were condemning vampire beliefs,
it was still kicking on in the United States.
I have vampire folklore made its way
to America is still debated.
History professor Brian Carroll believes the anti-vampire rituals were introduced as a
medical procedure at the time of the American Revolution by German doctors.
And as such, he thinks the New England vampires were based on the German knack-zero.
The ones we were talking about before, the underground munchers.
But our man Michael Bell disagrees.
According to Little, he believes anti-vampire practices
in New England came from many places
and that the suspected New England vampires
were actually more akin to Romani and vampires
than the Naxeera.
Whatever the source of the beliefs in New England,
they were driven by the same social concerns
as those before them, a fear of disease and a desire to contain it.
And it seems that the disease at the center of the New England vampire panics was tuberculosis.
I was familiar with tuberculosis. I knew the term and I knew it was bad, especially in the sort of, you know, century plus a go.
But I didn't know that much about it,
but this was, yeah, it was a big one.
It was a big one, one of the big ones back then.
According to Tucker,
though scholars today still struggle to explain
the vampire panics, a key detail unites them.
The public hysteria was almost invariably
in the midst of savage tuberculosis outbreaks.
Indeed, the medical museum's tests ultimately revealed
that JB had suffered from tuberculosis
or a lung disease very likely.
Remember JB, the Scaling Crossbones corpse from earlier?
Yeah, so it sounds like it's amazing
that they can figure that out from bones
from 150 odd years earlier.
Yeah.
So you may be wondering what is tuberculosis?
Well, it's a disease caused
by bacteria that usually attacks the lungs. It was a leading cause of death in the US back in those times.
Also known as consumption, it began to poison New England in the 1730s and by the 1800s,
according to Rhode Island Monthly, the highly contagious epidemic was to blame for nearly 25%
of all deaths in the northeast.
The name arose because the disease began to consume the physical being.
With their action and withered bodies, victims resembled walking corpses, much the way vampires
are portrayed in folklore.
In fact, the afflicted was said to be in the vampires' grasp.
They coughed up blood with an incessant hack their breath was starved of oxygen.
It felt as if someone was sitting on their chest. The healthier family members had appeared
that someone was sucking the blood from their loved ones. Until a drug trade member was available
in the 1940s, the diagnosis was a death sentence. The quack doctors would say they could cure
it, bell notes, while the honest ones declared cleared, it's in the hands of God.
These dubious doctors were primarily Slavic and German immigrants who touted a remedy from
Eastern Europe.
Some were astrologers or herbalists, they were showmen who went from town to town, bell
explains.
In the early days, few people were educated so medical advice was not scientific.
It was a role of the DAS.
What these docs proposed, he says, was an
antidote more terrifying than Dracula's fangs draining the living.
Yeah, so consumption, had you heard of consumption? I don't think I knew that those were the
same thing.
No, I didn't know that were the same, but I'd heard of consumption, yeah.
Yes, I did. And it's also called TB. Do you know what that stands for?
No.
I've a, we're going to No. No. I reckon I could have guessed.
I couldn't guess.
Well, never know.
I think it's never know.
The bug.
No, no one knows.
The bug.
That would be my best guess.
This boy, the point of the day, said, it's this kid's fault.
He did it.
He did it.
Which boy did it?
TB, an appointing at this boy.
TB.
Oh, which is only one letter away from JB.
And is there a possibility that they just misread the letter J?
It's possible.
Capital J and a capital T.
But really it was saying, don't open this coffin.
Don't open this coffin because he died of TB and you'll get it.
Hmm.
Hmm.
According to Nathan Chandler, right, for how stuff works.
No one understood how diseases spread back then.
All they knew was that consumption victims perished, and their surviving family members would
begin to fall ill one by one.
Neighbors would be afflicted too.
So frightened villages began to believe that the first to die were perhaps vampires of
sorts.
At night, those sharp toothed blood suckers would wriggle out of their graves, stalk their
families, and slowly but surely suck the life out of their graves, stalk their families,
and slowly but surely suck the life out of them, till they too died or understeaths.
Terrified, villages reasoned there was only one way to halt the vampire attacks, but first
that to dig up the bodies and examine them.
If the corpse appeared to be less decay than expected, they'd slice the bodies open and
sift through their internal organs.
Have a rummage. Oh.
If the organs contained liquid blood, the person was deemed possessed.
The theory seems sort of been that the corpse was being inhabited by some sort of evil spirit
that was sustaining itself by draining the lifeblood from the living says bell.
This spiritual possession had to be destroyed and the evil bond between the living and dead
needed to be broken, usually by burning the infected organ and sometimes feeding the ashes to those who were ill.
To be extra sure that the vampire wouldn't rise again,
sometimes the corpses were beheaded, some of their bones shattered and rearranged
in a skull and crossbone symbol, as with the case of JB.
As Tucker continues, the particulars of the vampire exhumations vary widely.
In many cases, only family and neighbors participated,
but sometimes townfathers voted on the matter,
or medical doctors, and clergymen gave their blessings
or even pitched in.
The bodies would be dug up and inspected
for signs of vampiric activity.
If they found supposed evidence,
they would go about making sure the undead
was proper dead again.
Just like in Europe, how the excumations were conducted very depending on the region.
For instance, Tucker writes,
some beheaded suspected vampire corpses,
while others bound their feet with thorns.
It's hard to walk as a vampire if you got thorns bound around your feet.
It's hard to walk as a person if you've got thorns bound around your feet.
That's a point.
Yeah, that would suck.
In New England, some communities in Maine and Plymouth,
Massachusetts opted to simply flip the exhumed vampire face down
in the grave and leave it at that.
In Connecticut, Rhode Island and Vermont,
they frequently burned the dead person's heart,
sometimes inhaling the smoke as a cure.
Often these rituals were clandestine,
lantern lit affairs, but particularly in Vermont,
they could be quite public,
even festive.
One vampire heart was reportedly torched in 1830
on the town green and would stop Vermont.
Your favorite state, that day.
Yeah, I mean, were any of the hearts turned into cremings?
Maybe that's where the cremings started.
They ran out of hearts, and they started using
dairy products instead.
Just so creamy.
How the, depending on the state,
some places were, you know,
the graves were all these little farm graves
so they could do it with a small group at night.
You don't have to get the whole town involved.
But I think Vermont was more like communal graves
so they kind of had to get everyone on board to do it.
You couldn't sneak in there.
Or up in the center of town so you have had to get everyone on board to do it. You couldn't sneak in there. All right, in the center of town, so you have to just get everyone on board, make a fucking
mega party of it. Oh, right. It's a festive event. In Manchester, hundreds of people flocked
to a 1793 heart-burning ceremony at a blacksmith's forge, and this is written at the time. Timothy
made a fishhead at the altar in the sacrifice to the demon vampire
who was believed was still sucking the blood of the then living wife of Captain Burton.
It was a month of February and good slaying, playing as in tobogganing.
Oh, not as in the vampire slaying. Or is it different spelling?
But I mean the English language has changed, it's a bolt. Maybe the two came from the same place.
I used to do it around Christmas time.
Santa's annual sly.
Oh no, Santa's coming.
Yeah, it used to be very different tradition.
Santa, vampire sly.
Oh what fun, it is to ride, slaying song tonight.
Is that what it is?
Santa. Yeah this is a slang song.
Santa please. Santa. Stop digging your mom.
But you're making Santa feel like. I saw the cults of mommy kissing Santa Claus. Santa what are you digging up my relatives?
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Probably the most famous story of the New England Vampire Panic
was the case of Mercy Brown.
You guys familiar with Mercy Brown?
No.
No.
Sometimes known as America's first vampire.
Mercy Brown, known as Lena Tour family, lived in the farming community of Exeter Rode Island
in the late 1800s.
According to Tucker, in the late 19th century, Exeter, like much of Agrary in New England, was even more
sparsely populated than usual. Civil war casualties had taken their toll on the community,
and the new railroads and the promise of richer land to the West's fluid young men away.
By 1892, the Yellina died, Exeter's population had dipped to just 961
from a high of more than 2 and a half thousand in 1820.
And tuberculosis was harrowing the remaining families. People dreaded the disease without
understanding it. Though Robert Koch had identified the tuberculosis bacterium in 1882,
news of the discovery did not penetrate rural areas for some time, and even if it had drug
treatments wouldn't become available till the 1940s.
So it was actually, it was known they'd figured out exactly what tuberculosis was at this point,
but even still some areas were still thick nards, fanpires, either they hadn't heard or
they didn't understand the medical discovery I guess.
Nineteenth century cures included drinking brown sugar dissolved in water and frequent horseback riding.
I mean, that cure is anything, doesn't it?
I mean, if you're down on your luck, I mean, I have a better fun.
And it's going to be frequent. You don't think you can have the occasional horseback riding cure
this thing. You've got to be doing a nonstop.
Freaky a frequent like yours. yours. Take to the back.
You are now living on horseback.
I'm gonna live forever on this horse.
So, on this horse, I live.
I'm feeling better.
If they were being honest, Bell says the medical establishment would have said
there's nothing we can do and it's in the hands of God.
That's something he said, everybody's like they were giving false hope and they sort of quack different people giving these different
possible ways to fix it. I guess they're offering hope but really they were offering false hope
because they just had no way of treating it. And like I said, there would be no way to treat
properly until the 1940s. The Brown family, living on the eastern edge of town,
began to succumb to the disease in December 1882.
Lena's mother, Mary Eliza, was the first.
Lena's sister, Mary Olive, a 20-year-old dressmaker,
died the next year.
Attender, a bitry from a local newspaper hints at what she endured, writing,
The last few hours she lived was of great suffering.
Yet her faith was firm and she was ready for the change. The whole town turned out for a funeral.
Within a few years, Lena's brother Edwin, a store clerk, second two, and left for
Colorado Springs hoping that the climate would improve his health.
Basically just going to a warmer climate. Lena who was just a child, when her
mother and sister died, didn't fall ill until nearly a decade after they were buried.
Betabercalosis was the galloping con.
It's a whole stuff, isn't it?
Can't trust him.
And that means that she might have been infected
but remained asymptomatic for years,
only to fade fast after showing the first signs
of the disease.
When it came on fast.
She was like a carrier.
Yeah.
Kind of. Honestly, that sounds like a better way to go. Yeah, I think so, like a carrier. Yeah. Kind of.
Honestly, that sounds like a better way to go.
Yeah, I think so, that's true.
I guess, yeah.
Well, the other people linger in.
It's also one of those diseases
that some people just had a natural shield
against for whatever reason.
And their dad never got it.
I think I've got that.
Yeah, you've got that.
Naturally TB proof.
I've never been consumed.
Right.
Yeah, honestly, and I've scared of horses, hot riding horses, so if I get it, I TB proof. I've never been consumed. Right. Yeah. Yeah.
Honestly, and I've scared of horses, hot riding horses.
So if I get it, I'm fucked.
Best of the galloping car.
Why are you scared of riding horses?
I got bucked off as a child.
At a rodeo.
I didn't.
I didn't.
No.
When I was in prep, so 60 years old here, we all went to the local farm.
There's like a small local farm in Elham
and everyone got to take an intense ride on a horse
being led around the circle.
And then when it was my turn, the horse cracked it.
And then you saved your horse, Dave.
And then the lady, yeah, I was whispering,
you're a piece of shit.
You were a horse at the disadvantage.
You're a horse.
I was saying, donkeys.
I'm a horse. You're more like a piece of shit. You're always hot out there, just like that. You're a piece of shit. You're always hot out there, just like that. You're a piece of shit.
You're always hot out there, just like that.
You're always hot out there, just like that.
You're always hot out there, just like that.
You're always hot out there, just like that.
You're always hot out there, just like that.
You're always hot out there, just like that.
You're always hot out there, just like that.
You're always hot out there, just like that.
You're always hot out there, just like that.
You're always hot out there, just like that.
You're always hot out there, just like that.
You're always hot out there, just like that.
You're always hot out there, just like that.
You're always hot out there, just like that.
You're always hot out there, just like that.
You're always hot out there, just like that.
You're always hot out there, just like that.
You're always hot out there, just like that.
You're always hot out there, just like that.
You're always hot out there, just like that. You're always hot out there, just like that. You're always hot out there, just like that. You're always hot out there, just like that. You're always hot out there, just like that. You're always hot out there, just like that. I'm happy to get the farmer. That horse got shot because of you.
I'll have to get the farmer.
Because of my whispering.
Get the farmer and he's gun.
No, they told us they just took him to the farm.
So.
So the full size horse.
But over that means?
I imagine it was a small horse.
It was a shetland pony and.
It was probably a shetland pony and I was bucked.
The only other time I rode a horse was in grade six at a camp.
So it's been a while.
It's been a while, but I respect them too much to ride them.
And I'm so scared that they weren't listening to me.
Well, they will listen to you.
It is mostly about talking to them, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, the thing is, when you panic,
they tell you like, oh, don't dig your feet in.
Like that makes them want to go faster.
But of course, like when you're freaking out,
you're like, oh, tensing up.
And then it's just, it's like saying saying like if you're out of control in a motorcycle
do not hit the accelerator, but then just just freaking out and just revving it. It won't stop the summary.
That's why Dave scared of motorbikes as well. Yeah, that's what I'm So, so, so, Mercy slash Lena Brown, she had the galoping kind of consumption or TB.
And a doctor attended her in her last illness and newspaper said and informed her and informed
her father that further medical aid was useless.
So they told it told him straight at this point.
And she died.
Who told her, sorry?
A doctor. Oh, sorry. You said it.
Sorry, you were talking about coiting from Newspaper. I thought you said a newspaper visited and said,
look, she's gotten a home. No, no, no. Yeah, that was the Newspaper road at the time.
Then listening to the local tabloid. The town doctor did seem to be one of those science doctors
it seemed to be one of those science doctors who knew what was going on with tuberculosis. So she died, she was 19. Her January 1892 obituary was much closer than her sisters, writing
Miss Lena Brown, who was suffering from consumption died Sunday morning.
It was a lot colder.
Oh yeah.
Maybe because they think they're riding
about a vampire at this point. Maybe. I'm not sure, or not sure. Maybe it was just a different
person wrote it. Maybe Lena was the one who wrote the last one and she was the one with the talent
for the pros. As Lena was on her deathbed her brother was after a brief remission taking a turn for the worse
Edwin had returned from Exeter
I've returned to Exeter from the Colorado Resorts in a dying condition
According to one account if the good wishes and prayers of his many friends had been realized
Friend Eddie would speedily recover and be restored to perfect health another newspaper wrote but some neighbors
likely fearful for their own health,
weren't content with prayers.
Several approached George Brown, the children's father,
and offered an alternative take on the recent tragedies.
Perhaps an unseen diabolical force was praying on his family.
It could be that one of the three brown women
wasn't dead after all, instead secretly feasting
on the living tissue and blood of Edwin
as the Providence Journal later summarized. If the offending corpse, the Journal uses the term
vampire in some stories, but the locals seem not too. So yeah, that's something that the people
who are talking about this aren't calling them vampires. They're just thinking it's like this,
this other thing. Vampires, that'd be silly. But they're trading them like vampires,
and it's just easy to talk about it in that way now, yes.
I gotta say this is not that long ago.
Yeah, that's the wild thing, isn't it?
Like George Brown.
It's not that long.
George Brown lived until 1922.
My grandparents were kids then,
or you know, it'd just been born.
Some of them. Wow. So I've
mercy brown live she you know if she lived a full life she would have lived to like 1950 or something
or a lot of labor even you know isn't that yeah. So this is what they were saying. The locals are
going we find the offending corpse we destroy it then Edwin the brother, he'll recover.
The neighbors asked to exume the bodies in order to check for fresh blood in their hearts.
George Brown gave permission, and on the morning of March 17, 1892, a party of men dug up
the bodies as a family doctor and a journal correspondent looked on.
George was absent, for unstated, but understandable reasons.
So obviously he didn't want to be there.
He actually didn't want to do it.
He didn't believe in the vampire stuff, which is wild.
But according to the Providence Journal,
he asked the doctor to perform an autopsy at the graveyard,
and he only authorised the exclamation to satisfy the neighbours
who were according to another newspaper account
worrying the life out of him.
He basically just got pressured into it.
Yeah. So anyway, the group dug up the bodies of Lena
as well as a sister Mary Oliver and her mom, Mary Eliza.
As the Mary's had been dead for nearly a decade,
they were understandably a long way decomposed.
Lena on the other hand was looking similar
to the day she died.
Some sources even say that her body had turned over in the grave.
Though unlike her sister and mother, she'd only been buried for a couple of winter months.
And as the ground was extremely cold, it was as if she had been preserved in a cool room. So it made
a lot of sense that she didn't look decomposed because she was buried a lot more recently and it was freezing cold though in the ground.
The doctor conducted an autopsy
and he found that her lungs showed clear signs
of tuberculosis which he told the villages,
but they weren't convinced.
They found that when the heart was removed,
blood was inside.
Liquid blood in the heart of an exhumed corpse
was viewed as unnatural since it was interpreted as Liquid blood in the heart of an exhumed corpse was viewed as
unnatural since it was interpreted as fresh blood, says Bell. People understood the blood
coagulates following death, but they didn't know it can liquefy again, depending on the circumstances
of death. For example, the blood of a person who died suddenly has a tendency to re-liquify.
Convince she was a vampire, the villagers took her heart and liver and burnt them
on a nearby rock before mixing the ashes into a tonic for a brother Edward to consume,
believing this would save his life. So his brother not only is on his deathbed, he's
now being made to drink or eat his sister's heart. It didn't work and he died a couple months later. I'm shocked.
Yeah, I really thought that was going to do it.
It was so recent.
You know, the Saints were already a football club at this point.
You know, that's what they were already at half time.
Yeah. Yeah, it was a while before they thought about cut up oranges.
So 120 years after this grim occurrence, Tucker and Belle went out to
visit Mercy Brown's final resting place, and she wrote, he lies beside her brother who ate her heart
and the father who let it happen. Other markers are freckled with lichen but not hers. The stone
looks to have been recently cleaned. It has been stolen over the years and now an iron strap anchors
it to the earth. People have scratched their names into the granite. They leave offerings, plastic vampire teeth, cough drops. Once there was a
note that said, you go girl, today there's a bunch of trampled daisies and a dangling butterfly
charm on a chain. People still believe that she was a vampire, you know, there's still this,
that's why some people visit and they noticed that hers is the only grave
where the grass doesn't grow. And they're like, that's sure, that's proof. And bells
like, no, that's just because that's the only grave everyone's visiting. And they're walking
on top of it. So it grasses and it's going to grow there.
Walk over. Yeah. Tucker finished her story on mercy, Lena Brown writing, Lena hasn't
left entirely. She is said to frequent a certain bridge, manifested
as the smell of roses. They're fun. People find you as a see you as a ghost, but they don't see you,
they smell you, and they don't smell you, they smell roses. There she is.
It has nothing to do with the fact that roses are nearby.
Yeah, the bridge is over a rose field. But that's got nothing to do with it.
She still appears in children's books and paranormal television
specials. She murmurs in the cemetery, say those who leave tape record is there to capture a voice.
She's rumoured to visit the Terminal Yil and to tell them that dying isn't so bad, which is nice.
It's a nice way to use, like, you know, it's not you see a lot of hauntings, but if you're haunting people to say hey
To comfort the dying that's that's alright. Yeah, you'd freak out though death ate so bad
Join us
Don't worry darling, it's not so bad over you
You're gonna eat eat that, you've been jelly.
You've got a love jelly.
You said before that they leave cough trops at a grave side.
I guess because you cough so much during tuberculosis, but it's like, leave some fucking
antibiotics.
Yeah, that's right.
Help us out.
Yeah, come on.
Yeah, come on.
Yeah, that's funny, isn't it?
It's interesting that people are leaving tape recorders out
and hearing, why wouldn't she, if she was there,
she'd probably say words, murmuring.
She's sort of murmurs.
All my sounds like the wind.
I don't know how she does it.
Yeah, she sounds a bit like a goat.
There is a goat, lives in the flybar.
I think that's coincidental.
It's all coincidental.
The story lives on in many other ways.
She's referenced a lot in pop culture, including in previous topic, HP Lovecraft's The Shandhaus.
Lovecraft himself was born in Rhode Island in the late 1800s.
So he was living in Rhode Island when this happened as a young child.
But these stories, I guess, would have been swirling around somewhat.
It's interesting, because at the time this area is right near, like, a lot of intellectuals
would go around there to a new port nearby for summer holidays. And this is like,
you know, intellectual times. And they're so strange that nearby, you know, just down the road,
people are digging up what they think of vampires while like the great minds of the era
drinking shandys by the beach. So, what, that into like a pool of food? Big shandy drinks. Oh yes. So I've heard.
You might be wondering Dave and Jess even possibly as well.
Was Brown any influence on the most famous vampire story of all?
Brown Stoker's Dracula. Is that why you guys were wondering?
I was personally wondering that a lot. Yeah, Jess, to a lesser extent?
To a lesser extent, yes. I was thinking about it, but also thinking about cheese, so.
Yeah. Oh man. I was thinking about cheese too, yeah.
Well, the answer to your question is maybe a clipping of an 1896.
Yes, I don't know, I didn't look into that.
Why'd you ask?
Yes, sub-buggin' me.
So a clipping from an 1896 article about Mercy Brown
was later found amongst Stoker's things.
Stoker was touring America that year's
a theater company's stage manager
and his gothic masterpiece Dracula
was published the following year in 1897.
According to Tucker, some scholars have said that there wasn't enough time for the news
accounts to have influenced the Dracula manuscript. Yet others see Lena in the character of Lucy,
her name being a very tempting amalgam of Lena and Mercy. A consumptive, seeming teenage
girl turned vampire who is exhumed in one of the novel's most memorable scenes.
Fascinatingly, a medical doctor presides
over Lucy's disentermen, just as one oversaw leaners.
So there's definitely parallels there.
And he definitely knew about the case,
because he was found that he had a clipping
of a news article about it,
whether or not there was time for him
to write that into the book or not, people disagree.
I did see somewhere else, someone said that he was actually
touring the year that it happened,
so which was about five years earlier,
which would have given him heaps of time
to write it into the story and be influenced by it.
But I think either way that makes sense.
You could write, you could rewrite something,
even if it was a year out, surely.
How long does it take to rewrite?
Yeah, for me, minutes.
And I've written quite a few Gothic masterpieces.
With sunglasses on, obviously.
Very hard to see the page with sunglasses on.
Interestingly, Stoker has thought to have found inspiration
into other historical figures that we've done previous reports on,
including Vlad the Impaler and the Blood Countess.
They were episodes 1755 if you're interested.
According to Little, vampire panics died down in the 20th century as these fictional monsters
replaced folk beliefs and also medical knowledge improved.
However, there was a strange resurgence in the late 1960s when Sean Manchester, the president
of the British Occult Society, said that a vampire was causing people to see strange things in London's high-gate cemetery.
This story, I already told back in episode 162, the show was called Unbelievable Urban Legends.
So I didn't realize I've all done a lot of vampire-related stuff over the years.
Yeah, wow, it's amazing.
We have vampire podcasts.
I think we want to see a vampire podcast.
What the hell?
Is there a category for that on iTunes?
There should be.
Yeah, we're top of the vampire charts.
Imagine that we weren't.
Yeah, that's a suck.
So anyway, that's basically the end of this report.
But I did want to finish with a possible fun fact
for new listeners.
Some reason only Jess has allowed to decide if a fact is fun or not.
I don't remember why that is.
Because I'm the only one who can.
It's my cross to bear.
You write a thesis on that, Matt, and you get to be the expert.
Yeah, yeah, I got that for some reason.
But anytime you're like, is that fun, you're not sure.
I know.
But every time there's a vampire panic,
that bloke turns out,
every time there's a fun fact,
our Jess Perkins turns out.
Yeah.
She says, in all the dockos,
all the articles they reference her on fun fact.
Yeah, that's on my business card.
Fun factologist.
Very available.
I'm very available.
All right, so let me know, Jess,
what do you think about this one?
This comes from a live science article written by Benjamin Radford.
I assume live science could be live science.
It's one of those words.
It's about how to find a vampire.
So this is what you need, according to Benjamin Radford's research.
According to one Romanian legend, you'll need a seven year old boy and a white horse.
The boy should be dressed in white, placed upon the horse,
and the pair set loose in a graveyard at midday.
Watch the horse wander around,
and whichever grave is nearest when it finally stops
is a vampire's grave.
Do you think that's what happened when I was in prep?
Yeah.
We all went back to that horse,
and then I was bucked off because they found a vampire.
Yeah, that's the only explanation.
Right here, get him off.
Just wherever the horse stops.
Yeah, where the horse stops.
That's dumb.
You really hope that your loved ones haven't dropped a bouquet of delicious flowers on your grave.
Yeah, awesome apples.
It would make sense why Brown's grave has no grass on it though. The horse keeps stopping
there. Oh, that makes sense. Dave to say and holy shit. Holy shit. You've cracked this case
wide open Dave. So that is the end of my report on the New England vampire panic. Love that.
And was that a fun fact? Yes, we didn't get a ruling. Yeah. It's pretty, it's a, I don't know if I'm allowed to claim a new category because I've got boring facts,
but to me that's a funny fact.
I was going to say it is funny.
Which I guess, I guess, you know, half of the word funny is fun.
So, all right, I'll allow it. It's a fun fact.
Right. We did it.
That's a great, great tale there, did it. That's a great tale, Emma.
It is amazing that multiple reports of ours have crossed over.
Yeah.
And something that a lot of people mentioned
was that it wasn't far from the area of the Salem Witch Trials,
but it was a couple of hundred years later.
That mercy brand story. Amazing that such things
were still happening. Although someone did mention, I think our man Michael Bell said,
one of the key differences was at least this time they were only accusing dead people,
you know, whereas in the witch trials, they were killing people for being witches. So it wasn't as full on, I guess.
That's arguably worse, arguably.
Yeah, but yeah, just fascinating stuff.
Very much so.
All right, well now it's time for everyone's favorite section of the show,
where we thank a few of our supporters, and you can become a supporter
by your own Patreon.com such do go pod, or do go on pod.com.
And there's a bunch of different levels,
all sorts of different rewards.
You get bonus episodes, you get to vote on topics.
Like this week's episode was voted on.
I should say it was so close.
It won by one vote against another topic,
which I have to put up for another vote.
And I'm talking like hundreds of votes,
and it came down on margin of one.
So yeah, one of the big rewards you can get
is on the Sydney Shamburg Deluxe Memorial
edition level resting piece,
you get to give us a factor quote or a question.
This section has a little bit of a jingle
that goes something like this.
Factor quote or question.
Ding.
Anyways, remember the ding.
And so yeah, you go to the,
you sign up on that Sydney Shamburg level,
you give us a factor quote or a question,
you also get to give us,
or get to give yourself a title,
and I read four of a amount,
I read a amount for the first time on the show,
that we all get to live, learn and laugh together.
This first one comes from Soth Waldron,
and Soth has given herself a title,
photographer of live shows long past. So for Zer, I think Soth must have, photographer of live shows, long past.
So for that, I think Sophas must have been
a more live shows than anyone else.
I think the world record is held, absolutely.
Because she's been to nearly every Australian
one we've ever done, and didn't we see her in England
or somewhere?
Yeah, in London I believe.
So that's how she got that title.
And Sophas given us a a quote here it is. I'm currently
reading John Green's The Anthropocene Reviewed. I highly recommend it by the way. And in it,
he quoted a poem by Paige Lewis that I can't get out of my head. Here is that quote. I feel as if
I'm on the moon listening to the air hiss out of my space suit and I can't find the whole. I'm the Here is that quote, life and I can't help but agree. That's great. So, I love that. Should I try and read it again
more fluidly? I feel as if I'm on the moon listening to the air hiss out of my space suit and I
can't find the hole. I'm the vast president of panic and the president is missing. That is really
great. I love it. I like that. Reminds me of one of my favorite Troy McClure movies, The President's Neck is Missing.
LAUGHTER
That's good stuff.
Thanks so much, sir.
The next one comes from Tom Goodall,
who's given himself the title of fact-checker and chief
who knew it with Matt Stewart.
LAUGHTER
Checker and chief of who knew it with Matt Stewart.
Which is my spin-off podcast,
which is it's band-a- to come out. I'm going to start
making it sometime this year, I reckon. So it's good to have a chief fact checker ready to go
and Tom Goodall. Yeah, very important, yeah. All right. Tom's also, oh no, he's offered us a fact
and his fact is. It better be right, Tom. Oh, and I wonder if it'll be fun. We'll find that out.
We'll find both those things out soon. The two most played songs ever by the BBC are, I don't know if you guys want to have a guess of these.
I don't think you'll get them.
Oh, yesterday by the Beatles?
No, I think they're both British, but one of them is a previous topic.
Or the band was a previous topic.
Queen.
Yes.
Sucked in, Dave.
That's not the upper thumb.
A Hemi-Rhapsody?
Yes, Dave. Oh, Jess.
You delivered it to him on a platter.
No, I'm taking that point.
All right, just take it.
Is the other one like the BBC theme song?
No, it's a wider shade of piles.
That is a good guess, though.
And I reckon you might have a monotecticality there, surely.
LAUGHTER He's asked me to pause while you sing both.
Yes.
No.
Both songs were jointly also voted best pop songs by the Brita
Awards, are in the Grammy and Rock and Roll Hall of Fame,
and feature in the Rolling Stone top songs of all time.
But the weirdest thing they have in common
is that both songs reference the Fandango dance.
That's fun.
That's fun.
What are the odds of that?
Yeah.
I mean, the BBC know what the people want.
Fandango.
All Fandango.
I didn't see that coming.
Thank you very much, Tom.
This next one comes from Rachel Johnson.
It would also, she'd be up there with the record for most live shows or a film.
Rachel's given herself the title of President of Pops and Pavlova.
A couple of very important roles there.
And Rachel has offered a sequoit short one here, what if I fall?
Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?
That's from Aaron Hansen, Australian poet, great quote, love that.
Are you familiar with that work, Dave?
Aaron Hansen?
No, but it does also sound like famous last words, doesn't it?
Yeah, someone's egging you on, jumping off a cliff.
What if I fell?
No, that one if you fall.
What if you fall?
Hi.
Oh, no, she's fallen, yeah.
Yeah, no, she was right up front.
Straight up front.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think it's a more powerful part for me for next time.
It's a bit, yeah. I recognise her quite. Are you know that one? Yeah, I know that one. I didn it's a more popular point for me for next time. Yeah. I recognise the quote.
Are you know that one?
Yeah, I know that one.
I didn't know who it was.
So that's nice.
Yeah.
Thanks for that Rachel.
Finally, last one we've got here is from Daniel Headley, whose title is It Me, The
Dickhead.
And Daniel has asked us a question.
His question is,
Jess recently had a segment on Triple J,
during the weekday show, Pover and Hing,
where she got people to call up and tell us
they're absolutely useless shit skill.
What are yours?
Oh, oh, this was like, this was last week.
This was fresh, yeah. So Daniel, he didn't do the, I normally
say, if you're asking a question, you've got to answer your own question, which is Daniel
and his partners.
Do you want some context on what I was doing on radio? So what we were doing, what I was
doing was, because the Olympics were on, and I was like, yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm sick
of saying I was joking. It was tongue in cheek, but it was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm sick of saying I was joking. It was tongue-in-cheek, but it was like,
the Olympics is all about people, you know,
but they are the best in their field.
They are achieving athletic greatness.
They are the least.
They're like a Michael Bell of sport.
Exactly, a perfect analogy, thank you.
But I was like, whatever, let's celebrate the useless skills
that we have. So the producer I was working with, can I identify where someone is from in
the UK with 90% accuracy based on their access? That's very good. That's great. That's
how hard, are they English? No. Wow, that's an amazing skill. Very impressive.
I've said to people before like I'm like, well, we're in Scotland,
and they've been from Newcastle or vice versa. And it's always embarrassing. And I don't even guess
anymore. If you're asking a Scottish person,
whereabouts in England they're from,
that is a faux pas.
That do not happen.
That's not going to go well.
I'm Irish.
Yeah, I get Irish and Scottish confused sometimes.
I normally have to really stop and think and concentrate.
And these are like the big, famous broad accents,
let alone regional ones.
So that producer, that is a great skill. Yeah. And 90% is Hawaii. with the big, famous broad accents, let alone regional ones.
So that producer, that's a great skill.
And 90% is high.
Yeah, my mum can always look at left overs
and pick the perfect Tupperware container
for those leftovers.
She'll lay it every time.
It's those kind of useless skills.
I'm pretty good at catching things in my mouth.
Skittles specifically.
Yeah.
That's a good party trick.
Yeah.
And from a distance as well, like, you know, if somebody threw...
If somebody throws Skittles at me, I'll catch him.
Impressive.
So that's just some context there if that helps.
All right, Jess, what about this skill?
Whenever someone's talking a little bit, a little fragment of what they've said,
we'll start my brain singing a song with a similar lyric.
Like you just said from a distance, and then my head started singing.
I think bad middle.
That's a pretty good skill.
Yeah, it's pretty shit.
Like it's useless.
It's useless. But yeah, you didn't say you, skill. It's pretty shit, like it's useless. It's useless.
But you didn't say unique.
It's just, no, no, that's great.
It doesn't have to be, how could it be?
I mean, like, it doesn't have to be unique.
I mean, none of the Olympians are unique.
Are they?
There's a bunch of them there doing the same thing.
That's right.
Oh, I'm actually really good at jumping over a stick.
Yeah, so's like 10 of these other people
and you're all gonna have a crack at it.
Okay, is.
That's a good point.
So it doesn't have to be unique.
Just something that's probably a bit useless.
Yeah, I've got a really loud click.
Oh, me too.
Why?
And very consistent.
Pfft.
Pfft. Pfft. That's my left hand.
Yeah, I can't click left hand pretty useless.
Right hand on my K.
We could save Go.
So it's my visual.
Yeah, it's going to be very confusing to tell who is clicking.
Who was clicking?
You're all very good or very maybe it's me
Yeah, the other one that I don't I think it's faded a bit
But I'll say Tromba Bertrand used to always get me to do this
he go. He found it interesting that I could remember where I was the first summer sort of movies.
Yeah, he used to get me, be like, uh, the Lion King, I'll be like, oh, my 10th birthday party,
if so with Damon, Damon bought me a block of Cabri Hayes on a chocolate
for for my president and
Yeah, he stayed over that night. That's sort of stuff. I love that. It's a very wholesome skill It's cute wholesome skill. Yeah, I've been I think as time goes on my memory is fading a bit
And I can't I'm losing those memories unfortunately
Try me try it. give me an old movie.
Armageddon.
Haven't seen it.
What?
You gotta say Armageddon.
Oh really?
Jurassic Park?
Jurassic Park, so with Nicholas in content with his dad,
I was back visiting content for for a dream school holidays.
I love it because we can't fact check it. That's my favorite.
Yeah, that's true too. You could be making all this up.
I wasn't actually in Conte, I don't think Conte had a cinema, but I was staying in Conte.
We went to the closest cinema there.
I actually saw the Jurassic Park plot.
The lies unravely.
So that's the fact quoting questions section for this weekend.
Any other ones Jess?
What was the best one that a caller in came up with?
Um, that's a good question.
I can't really remember.
Not one of your skills.
I can't remember at all.
Yeah, remembering, not up there with mine, with my skills.
Oh, this is actually quite visual, so don't.
I can do that thing where,
and I've never met anyone else who can do that,
where you put your arms out like this,
and then lock your arms in like this.
And then,
yeah, you're out of this quite visual, isn't it?
But then you can put your head through the hole in the middle.
I can put a photo up if we need to.
And all you've said is where you can put your arms like this,
and then you can do this,
and then you turn them around like this.
It's when you lock your arms and then you bring them back to what you're self.
And then there's a little hole formed in between your four arms and usually it's really
quite small.
And I've heard people say no one could put their head through there, but I can.
That is.
That's what I think you'll have to escape. Something.
That's why I think you should vote for me.
I should be the next prime minister.
Thank you.
Maybe you'll have to be reborn sometime.
You'll have to get your head out of small.
All right.
So the other thing we like to do is thank a few of our other
Patreon supporters and
Jess, you normally come up with a little game here that's related to the topic.
Any thoughts on this one?
Yeah, I'm struggling a bit with this one.
Could give them a different mythological creature?
Yeah, that's good.
Yeah.
Or, or a rock.
And they're part of a, like the something else panic.
Yes, panic.
Right. All right, well, it's there, panic. Right.
All right, shall I kick us off?
Yeah.
All right, I'd love to thank from Rockdale and New South Wales,
Beck Lehman.
Beck Lehman, what about the slug girl panic?
Slug girl.
Slug girl.
Yeah, slug girl.
So we're not starting with any,
that are already known.
We're just making ones up, are we?
What do you mean?
No, we're going with like, this is like top five.
Slug girl.
Slug girl, probably the fifth most famous
cryptid creaturey type thing.
Yep, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What does a slug girl do?
Slugs around.
Slugs around.
Please, please, like the horrible trail. And you're like, oh my God, the slug girl's been here. Slugs around. Slugs around. Slugs around. Slugs around. Slugs around.
Slugs around.
Slugs around.
Slugs around.
Slugs around.
Slugs around.
Slugs around.
Slugs around.
Slugs around.
Slugs around.
Slugs around.
Slugs around.
Slugs around.
Slugs around.
Slugs around.
Slugs around.
Slugs around.
Slugs around.
Slugs around.
Slugs around.
Slugs around. Slugs around. Slugs around. Slugs around. Slugs around. Imagine a full human stars version of that. Yeah, oh, there'd be, oh yeah. Take of the whole hallway.
I just fucking washed that last weekend.
I just washed that hallway.
I'd also love to thank from Inglewood
in Western Australia, Bonnie Larson.
What's she panicin' about, Jess?
The Demon Horse.
Oh yeah.
Laura.
Panic. Lucifer. Yeah, yeah. Lucifer yeah Lucifer yeah
Damon horses with glowing eyes and they will back small children off them
It's like I'm trying. Oh, she's a real Damon horse in the sack
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but that's not a good thing
It is not good.
You will die.
Thank you very much, Bonnie.
And finally, for me, I'd love to thank
from Hamilton Hill, also on Western Australia,
Jesse Wormold.
Jesse Wormold.
It's got Worm in the name there.
Yeah.
It being Jesse, sorry, didn't really, it you.
Jesse Wormold.
Um, I reckon Jesse was a part of the upside down cupboard panic.
Oh no, you're quite as a topsy-turvy.
And ever like they didn't know why it was happening,
but all the cupboards were upside down.
Wow.
Until, like, buried a small set of drawers,
the curse was then broken.
Wow.
Yeah, confusing one.
But they all are completely correct. They are exactly, yeah. They're all
complicated and you know with the with hindsight we go, oh, how kooky. But back then, this was 15
years ago. It was a different time. That's almost the mid-term. It's very strange. Strange time.
That's all my, the mint on the outside. It's very strange.
Strange, John.
Would you like to thank a few people, Jess?
Yes, I would love to thank from Clinton, M-A, Massachusetts.
Is that right?
Yeah, surely.
No, probably not.
No, there's also a main.
No, Massachusetts.
Possibility.
M-A, Massachusetts.
It is Massachusetts. It is Massachusetts.
It is Massachusetts.
Yes, Jess, never doubt yourself.
From Clinton, I would love to play in New England.
Which is in New England.
I think.
I would love to thank Katie McEwan.
Katie McEwan, the sinkhole witch.
Oh.
Causing all those sinkholes. Yeah. And a
which. Yeah. Yes. There's a few things on the go. There isn't there. That's a
bring it back. There's a lot happening in that one. Yeah.
Famous history. With the sinkholes and witches, I believe. Yeah. Wow. How did they fix that one? They filled the sinkholes with bricks and dirt.
Right.
That's a nice...
Well, what...
Top'd it off?
Keep making more sinkholes.
Well, they topped it off with a bit of cellies.
Oh.
Problems are off.
Yeah, and that'd be fun then, yeah.
No, which can get around cellies.
No one can.
I would also love to thank from Bell Park in Victoria, Brianna Nash.
Brianna Nash. Brianna Nash, obviously, or famously involved in the Swarada bottle panic.
Yeah, but I know, have I swallowed a bottle, they would say.
Everyone thought they'd swallowed bottles.
They weren't sure.
That's why it was a panic. There was one missing bottle in the town and they thought,
well, someone swallowed it.
Someone passed it.
There's no other possible explanation of where this bottle could go.
So somebody's bloody swallowed it.
Who swallowed the bottle?
Who was it?
Dennis and mechanic found, oh, hang on.
I put it in the wrong bin.
Here it is Dennis
Fucking out of this you started a swole a bottle panic. We've cut Again half the town
Dennis
Okay
Fucking Dennis
So yeah a big a big panic there in Bell. And I would also love to thank from Westfield, I-N.
Indiana.
I want to say Indiana, yeah.
We've been watching a lot of parks and recs, so Indiana is on the brain.
Westfield, I would love to thank Ronaldo, Scalzi.
Ronaldo, Scalzi.
Fantastic, name the Ronaldo.
What are they panicking about in Indiana, Dave? Yeah. Nauticality. Fantastic. Nany, you're another.
What are they panic in about an Indiana dive?
It is the fly fishing coyote.
Panic.
Panic.
Panic.
That's right.
No one could quite get their fly fishing technique working.
And the morning, the last time someone did a good one, they'd seen a coyote.
So they figured that the coyote, so they figured
that the coyote must have cursed their fly fishing technique, so they had to go around
and kill every coyote in the state.
I'm afraid.
Oh my God.
Geez.
Or coyotes.
It's a sad story, Dave.
Well, it has a happy ending.
Oh yeah.
The fly fishing technique returned to full ability
and everyone had a great day fishing.
So that is good news.
That's great news.
There you go.
Hey, hey, there you go.
Ronaldo Scalzi, thank you so much for your support.
I'd love to thank now from Columbia in Maryland,
Jocelyn Cravitz. Jocelyn Cravitz.
Jocelyn Cravitz.
Thank you so much for your support.
The...
The... Picture frame bandit, panic.
Oh!
Okay.
Picture frame bandit.
Is it someone stealing picture frames or like making them off center, or?
Both.
They would steal them from one person's place,
put them up at somebody else's place, crooked.
Very weird, you'd wake up in the morning
and on your wall would just be family portraits
of strangers, and it would be crooked.
It was very unsettling.
Oh my goodness, crooked portrait.
You're like, who's this family?
Why are they all in the same colored jeans and white t-shirts?
It's weird.
You are this weirdo.
It looks so staged and unnatural.
Well, thank you so much, Jocelyn Crabbitts.
I'd love to thank now from location unknown
and I can only presume that means it is deep
within the fortress of the malls.
And that is big thank you to Sarah Horton.
Malt people panic.
The Malt people panic.
Which was a dance craze.
We're all doing.
Everybody do the Malt people panic.
Bamp, bamp, bamp, bamp, bamp, bamp, bamp, bamp.
Ooh.
It was actually quite similar to the Fendango.
That the original lyric,
Can you do the Mold-People panic?
Doesn't quite fit.
Yeah, so that to rework it.
Wow, it's a great name, Sarah Horton.
A lot of great names here today, yet again.
One final to think, and that is from Florenceville Bristol,
that's a half-natter place in Canada,
I would like to thank James Allison.
Where Wolf Bannock?
James out.
The Where Wolf Bannock.
Yeah.
How are we spelling Where on that one?
W-E-A-R.
W-A-R.
Is it a fashion panic?
Yeah.
We're all wearing clothes. We're, fashion panic. Yeah. Wolves, wolves are gone around wearing everyone's clothes.
Oh, this is part of the panic though, because people couldn't work out what they were panicking about.
Yeah. One day the town woke up and all the humans were wearing wolf skins and all the wolves were wearing
human skins and clothes.
It was weird.
That's weird.
No good.
Oh, that's.
That would make me panic.
Yeah, that's cause for panic.
Yeah.
It's the only one that we've listed that I'm like, I understand the panic to be honest.
What?
Up to the encubbers.
You know, panic. No, I What? Up to the encubbers. You know, panicking?
No, I'm going, that's a bit odd. But waking up in a wolf skin and seeing a wolf wearing
my skin, yeah, I'm panicking because that's fucked.
Yeah, that's very good.
Yeah, that's no good at all.
No good at all. That's crook.
That is crook, but a beautiful tribute to James Allison and the support you've given us
over the years.
So, thanks again to James, Sarah, Jocelyn, Ronaldo, Brianna, Katie, Jesse, Bonnie and Beck.
The only thing we're left to do now is to induct a few people to our tripage club,
just a small
handful today.
The way this works is if you support us on the shout out level or above the three straight
years, you get inducted into the club.
It's a beautiful space.
You can always, you want to remember, you're always a member.
And it's just a fun place.
Physically, it's located this week in Pittsburgh,
Pennsylvania, but it is also always located in our hearts.
So welcome in and butts, thank you.
To these five inductees this week,
I'm standing on the door, I've got the velvet robe,
ready to lift it, I've got your name written down
on my clipboard.
I'm gonna say your name,
then Dave's gonna hype you up
because you're being welcomed in this club,
it's important that you feel right
at home straight away.
And then,
because that takes a bit of effort
from Dave,
Jess then gives Dave a little bit of a hype himself.
Jess is also behind the bar,
normally comes up with a little cocktail,
anything this week?
Jess?
Yeah, lots of vampire themes, obviously. So we've got garlic bread, we've got steak,
we've got cocktail wise, we have blood orange, mimosas.
Oh, delicious. And Dave normally books a band who you booked this week, Dave.
We've actually got a rotating lineup of every artist on the Twilight soundtrack.
Wow. Oh, we're going to get Muse.
I'm Muse is there.
Muse. We've also got Paramore. I'm looking at a list here. Robert Pattinson,
that's obviously a spoken word bonus on the belief that he's going to do it.
Collective Soul, mute math, Lincoln Park, and more.
Whoa, that's pretty good.
All right, well, the inductees this week are from Cooper Pety in South Australia.
It's Chris McDougall.
Oh, come on in and grab yourself a Cooper Pety.
Yes!
Yes!
Yes! It is thanks. Woo!
From the Greensboro in Victoria, Australia, it's Toby Gawl.
Oh, the Gawl of this guy, because he's so cool.
From Jalong in Victoria, Australia, it's Jamie Boros.
Oh, one of the Boros.
Boys, Boros, it looks better written down.
I'm sorry, I realized I just nodded at you at the last one.
I was like nodding approvingly, but it wasn't,
it wasn't audible. Sorry about that.
He gave me nothing.
He gave me nothing.
No, I'm,
audibly, audibly.
Yeah, okay.
But yeah, Jamie Boros, one of the boros, I should have said,
Boros, I love that, love that.
The third Victorian inducted in a row here,
representing the big V from Burmara's Victoria Australia.
It's Peter Holberton. Holberton? Well Holbert, hold my beer Holberton and come on in.
Yes, that was something alright. Yeah. And finally from Cologne in Deutschland, Germany, it is
from Cologne in Deutschland, Germany. It is Berina Limpa.
Oh, can you smell that?
A beautiful Cologne from Berina Limpa.
Come on in.
Yes, he's done it.
He's done it again.
Thank you so much, everybody.
You're all my burrows.
So welcome in Berina, Peter, Jamie, Toby and Chris.
And that brings us to the end of the episode. Dave, you want to book this baby home? So welcome in, Verena, Peter, Jamie, Toby and Chris.
That brings us to the end of the episode. Dave, you want to book this baby home?
Yes, I do.
Thank you so much for everyone who has listened
to this episode.
We will, of course, be back next week with another episode.
But to keep yourself occupied in between,
you could support the show on Patreon
or dogoonpod.com and unlock all those bonus episodes
or you could buy some merchandise
or you could suggest a topic or follow us on social media and there's links to all those bonus episodes, or you could buy some merchandise, or you could suggest a topic,
or follow us on social media,
and there's links to all those things on dogoonpod.com.
We also have an email dogoonpodatgmail.com.
But I guess, until next time,
I'll say thank you for listening, and goodbye.
Lighters.
Lighters.
Lighters.
Lighters.
Lighters.
I would just say light is!
Yuck!
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