Do Go On - 305 - Sea-Monkeys

Starting point is 00:00:00 Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Starting point is 00:00:17 Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. Welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave O'Ankie, and as always, I'm here with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart.

Starting point is 00:00:50 Hello, everybody. My name is Dave. Oh, that's how I should have started it. Go again. I've been saying that literally for years, and you've never started it the way I've suggested it. Well, let me start it again. Thank you. Hello, everybody.

Starting point is 00:01:05 My name is Dave. I'm here with Jess and Matt and my best friend Ray. Hello, Ray. That's you, Matt. Hello. Hello. Great to be here with Jess, Matt and Ray. And can I ask, not Ray, not Matt, but Jess, how the hell does this show work? Oh, that is bullshit and unfair.

Starting point is 00:01:24 Just because before we started recording, Matt reminded you that he had to explain it last week. And so now you're like, oh, keep it fair. Look, I'll tell you how this works, only because I'm a professional. What we do here at DoGo on Headquarters is we take a... it in turns going away, we fuck right off. We go to our own homes. We research a topic, usually suggested by a listener. We bring that research back to the other two who politely listen slash interrupt slash riff slash make some jokes. And throughout the process, we live, we laugh, we learn. And we usually get onto topic with a question. Absolutely beautiful words there,

Starting point is 00:02:05 Jess. Thank you. And my question for both of you is, what product was marketing? Was with the tagline. Margarine. Selly's no more gaps. Two great inventions. I'll give you that. Interchangeable as well. That's the beauty of those two.

Starting point is 00:02:20 Graturing will fill gaps. Sallies is a beautiful spread. Well, you've both had an answer so you get to come back in. What product was marketed with the tagline, the real live fun pets, you grow yourself. Sea monkeys. It is sea monkeys. Fuck.

Starting point is 00:02:39 Well done. How could you possibly have a topic about sea monkeys? Well, that is the thing. It is quite a story. Really? Surprisingly so. Yes. It feels like the kind of thing I only know from The Simpsons or something like that.

Starting point is 00:02:55 Have you guys ever had sea monkeys? No, I don't know what they are. I've had them. That's what stood out to me in the hat. Yes, I got the Sea Monkeys Showbag when I was in maybe prep or grade one. Bring back to Showbag. Did you have Sea Monkeys fever? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:03:10 Yes. I also definitely had them at an age-appropriate time and not in my late teens. Did you wasn't get the show bag? No, I think I purposely sought out sea monkeys. Oh, and how'd you go? Did you grow them? I think I got bored. Oh, no.

Starting point is 00:03:27 Yeah. Did you flush them? I think they probably got flushed, yeah. I don't really remember, but I remember sort of being like, ah, these are a bit weird looking, aren't they? And I flushed them. Right. You know, I wish them well, wherever they are now.

Starting point is 00:03:40 Yeah, yeah. So are they like, I mean, Dave's probably going to explain this, but I'm picturing small aquatic monkeys. Yes. Yeah, you've absolutely nailed it. Yeah, they are small aquatic monkeys. What you've stumbled on there, Matt, is exactly what they want you to imagine. Okay.

Starting point is 00:03:55 That's good marketing. Honestly, it is incredible marketing, which we will get to. And surprisingly, this topic has been suggested by multiple people. So I'd like to shout out to Bernard, Antonio, Vera. McCaffrey. What a name. From Bristol. Megan Power from Sydney.

Starting point is 00:04:12 Wait, that was all one. That was all one. That is one person. Bernard Antonio Vera McCaffrey. Oh my goodness. That is a fantastic name. Wow. I was wondering why you both didn't react to it.

Starting point is 00:04:23 I'm like, that is one of the best we've ever had. You gave him nothing. That is a Hall of Fame name. I thought that was four people. Yeah, I did too. I thought you were just ripping through names. I thought none of them had given a surname. These were just first names only.

Starting point is 00:04:35 And they were all incredible. first names. Yeah. So that's one person from Bristol. Also, Megan Power from Sydney. Also a good name. Look, now I'm going to feel guilty if I don't tell everyone's going to go. That is a great name.

Starting point is 00:04:47 Megan Power, fantastic. Julie Bay from Iowa. Oh, Julie Bay, my Bay. Yes. Matt Ridley from Newcastle. Oh, the Riddle. I love this guy. Love his work.

Starting point is 00:04:59 Love his name. This has become the end of the show where I give bad reactions to people's names. And finally, from Essendon and Hatfield in the United Kingdom, Adam Stamford. I'll stand for you, Stamford. I'm your Stam, man. All right, now we get onto the show from here. Is that right, Dave?

Starting point is 00:05:17 Yeah, that's right. People, fear not, if you're researching Sea Monkeys and you want the info, here it starts. And it all starts with Harold von Braun Hut, who was born in Memphis, Tennessee, on March 31st, 1926. Good year. Is there anything good about that year?

Starting point is 00:05:36 The AFL-related facts. 1926. Oh, that was in the middle of one of the Saints big premiership droughts. We've had two. One was from 1890, well, really from 1873 to 1996, or 1996, sorry. And then the other one was from 1967 till today. So, yeah, 1926 was right in the heart of the first one.

Starting point is 00:06:05 It's mostly drought, though. I actually zoned out. Okay, well, all you need to know, Jess is there's a guy called Harold von Braun Hut. It's from Memphis. His mother's family was in the toy business. His father had a printing shop. Okay. And amazingly in his life, he will combine both professions in a way.

Starting point is 00:06:25 But he moved to New York City where he stayed until the 1980s. And to be honest, apart from that, little is known about his career before his discovery of the humble sea monkey. Oh, discovery. Not even an invention. He discovered them in their natural habitat. It's a real King Kong kind of thing, isn't it? And he found him. He wanted to take him back to the big city, make a pretty penny off them.

Starting point is 00:06:47 Oh, my God, Harold, what's your face? You are a real piece of shit. He wanted a giant sea monkey to fight a giant ape. Sadly, never got there. But he did dabble in a few outlandish careers. These are a few dot points on his life that we know about him. He worked as a magician called The Amazing Teleppo. Teleppo.

Starting point is 00:07:09 Yes. The Amazing Teleppo. Would I buy a ticket to see The Amazing Teleppo? Probably. Yeah, strongness. You love magic. I wouldn't have had much else on. Well, back in those days, I used to just go and look at the train going past.

Starting point is 00:07:27 You know, that was entertainment back then. Yeah. There was a magician. I'd be like, yeah, you had me at Amazing. The train now, his platform was deserted that day. He raced motorcycles under the name the Green Hornet. Oh, that's a cool name. Was that before Marvel or DC or whoever came up with the character, the Green Hornet?

Starting point is 00:07:50 That's a DC, I think. It's hard to say because these things, little is known about it. Dave, I don't know why you're answering this. I was asking our local superhero expert, Jess Perkins. A.k herself. I would say it is after. Right. And so therefore he is a big old rip-off.

Starting point is 00:08:17 What a dog. Yeah, just another strike against this guy. Personally, so far, I hate him. And you're right, Jess. The Green Hornet was a fictional character created in 1936 by George W. Trendle and Fran Stryker. I mean, there is a chance being born in 1928. that he raced as a seven or eight-year-old under that name.

Starting point is 00:08:37 That is true. There is a chance. There is a chance. He also worked as a TV producer. That's you, Dave. Thank you. That's why I really saw myself in this guy. Actually, I shouldn't be saying that.

Starting point is 00:08:50 As we'll learn later on, he was an agent. Hang on, is my initial instinct about this guy pretty accurate? We'll find out together. See monkey work. is a pretty good euphemism for the sea bomb as well. What a sea monkey this guy is. What a sea monkey. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:09:11 That's an apt description of this guy. He was also an agent, though. He knows a good idea. He knows a good act for a guy called Henry Le Moth. That means the Moth in French. He was. One of those guys who high dived from great heights, like 40 feet. Oh, like a moth wood.

Starting point is 00:09:28 Why would you call yourself the moth for a high diving act? They flutter about. They don't jump into water from a height. Makes no sense. Doesn't make it, he said. This guy's an idiot. He's one of those guys, though, that jumped really, like 40 feet and then belly flopped into a blow-up kid's pool with like 30 centimetres of water in it.

Starting point is 00:09:49 Yeah, but was there a bright light that he was attracted to? That's a... In the pool? Or balls. Also attracted to balls. What do you mean? Oh, moth balls. Specifically moth balls.

Starting point is 00:10:01 Not my balls, which I found out the hard one. Come here. Put them on display. Peanut butter? Please. You like that? No, Dave. You've got to light them up.

Starting point is 00:10:11 You've got to put some fairy lights around those bad boys. Fairy lights. Well, I wish I'd thought of that when he said light him up because that's not what I did. Very painful discovery. Yeah, so he managed a guy who every year would jump in front of the Flatron building in New York City on his birthday. and each year decrease the amount of water continuing until his 70th birthday in 1974. He jumped into one single drop of water. He died that day.

Starting point is 00:10:47 The day before when it did two drops, fine. But it turns out that second drop was really important. Really soften the blow. Every man has his limits. This guy, he got a Guinness World Record for his efforts. He died in 1987 at the age of 83. He'd only suffered one high-diving injury in his life, according to his wife, Burgett, who said,

Starting point is 00:11:12 once he hurt his nose. He hurt his nose, did he? Yeah. Okay. So anyway. Hey, who was that? This isn't the monkey man. This is a guy managed by the monkey man

Starting point is 00:11:24 because he knows a good idea, he knows good talent when he sees it. But then, in the 1950s and 60s, von Braun Hut began the career that would make him his fortune. He became an American mail order marketer, taking out patents on 196 different inventions, gadgets and toys that he marketed at the back of comic books. That was, before it all took a very, very dark turn.

Starting point is 00:11:50 He wasn't the X-ray specs guy, was he? He is the X-ray specs guy. I'm serious. That's amazing. Before we get to the dark turn, Some of the other novelties that he invented over the years and marketed to kids were, number one of written here, Matt, is X-Race bags. No kidding.

Starting point is 00:12:09 Incredible. That's another thing from what the Simpsons, right? Bart had it on the back of his comments. He ended up buying something that maybe even X-Race Beck. Yeah, he sent away and then it was really shit. Yeah. Which often I think is what happened to kids. Because the advertisement claimed that the wearer could see through clothing and flesh.

Starting point is 00:12:26 The product has appealed to generations of curious adolescent boys, okay, Purves! It was marketed as, quote, loads of laughs and fun at parties. How? How so? What does it do? Not much.

Starting point is 00:12:44 It doesn't do anything. So how is it fun at parties? Well, what about this? He had another invention called Crazy Crabbs. Yeah, been there. Yeah. They were simply hermit crabs in a cardboard box sent to your house. Oh, my God.

Starting point is 00:13:00 Just a crab delivery service. Poor crabs. Oh no, poor crabs. How about amazing hair-raising monsters? A card with a printed monster that would grow hair, aka mineral crystals that sprouted when water was added. Seems like the first one that's something. Yeah, I guess.

Starting point is 00:13:20 Hypnospex. Oh, yeah. Which promised to put people under your control. Yeah, yeah. And he got patents on all of these things. Yeah, yeah. They were pretty loose with. Patens back then, I think.

Starting point is 00:13:31 Because in reality, they were just spinning discs on the front of a pair of glasses. No, Dave. They would put people under your control. With your spinning discs. All right, all right, I get it. My favourite of his inventions was Invisible Goldfish. That's clever. Oh, my, that is incredible.

Starting point is 00:13:50 All it was was a glass bowl that was empty except having a few plants in it and a sign that said, Invisible Goldfish, do not feed. That's very good. good. The whole thing came with a printed guarantee that you'd never, ever see them. That's fine. That's pretty funny.

Starting point is 00:14:07 Do you have to add water yourself? Yeah, you have to. It doesn't come with water. B-Y-O-O-W-Water. How are the fish alive then? Ha, ha, yes. That is a good call. I'm starting to doubt this guy.

Starting point is 00:14:22 It finally answers Millhouse's question, why to have the bowl, but why to have the bowl? Invisible goldfish. But his most successful novelty was, of course, sea monkeys. He realized that it was all about having a good idea and then implementing smart marketing to sell that idea. The product initially called Instant Life and sold for 49 cents a pop. That sucks.

Starting point is 00:14:48 Instant Life. The bad first draft. No, that's not going on my Christmas wish list, is it? What do you want for your birthday, little Jesse? I want some instant life. I want instant death. That's your little goth sister. Kill me.

Starting point is 00:15:09 She's a bit full on, honestly. She's a little bit full on. He was inspired by the success of Uncle Milton's Ant Farm. And von Braunhut came up with the idea of marketing and mailing instant life to kids. Okay. According to Mentor Floss in 1957, Von Braunhut walked into a pet store and noticed a bucket filled with brine shrimp. It was meant to be used as fish food technically called artemia salina,

Starting point is 00:15:38 which is a species of brine shrimp found in salt lakes. Now, the thing about this species of shrimp is that they can exist in a state of suspended animation known technically as cryptobiosis. What happens is they shut down their metabolic processes in the absence of water, basically nature's version of carbonite freezing. And the purpose of this is they can survive in this state for years and years if a lake dries up. Wow, that's some sweet evolution. Yeah, so like, you know, the lake dries up.

Starting point is 00:16:11 They just go, they hibernate basically and hibernation for years and years until it rains again and then they sprout new life. Wow. But when water is reintroduced, the shell hatches and the creature with one eye emerges. That's cool. as they mature they develop a second eye. Oh, okay. You're happy now?

Starting point is 00:16:31 Jess was disgusted. That'd be a fun way to grow. Like, you know, if humans went that way, we'd be like, oh, as a teen, his arms are coming in. Yeah. Yes. Look at our big boy with his arms. He's growing ears.

Starting point is 00:16:52 He's going to start knowing what we were saying all these. He is. Oi, you got no ease. But we can't, you know, can't bother really saying that anymore. Yeah, we'll have to go up with new jokes. I guess, that's fun, isn't it? Personally, I'm still waiting for my arms to come in. Well, we know, buddy.

Starting point is 00:17:09 Any day now. Any day now, this biceps will pump out. Never skip arm day, Dave. My legs are huge. So the idea hit Harold, what if he could mail these creatures in their suspended animation to kids who add water at home, and then the creatures would come to life before their very eyes.

Starting point is 00:17:27 A recalling the flea circuses of his youth where people would willingly believe in talented fleas that obviously didn't exist, von Braunhut immediately saw a potential for selling the tiny translucent shrimps as instant pets, which could easily be sent through the post without any concern about the animal's welfare. So that's the idea.

Starting point is 00:17:48 But he actually wasn't the first to market an idea like this, a big company called Wham-O, which I love. Very good. Sold similar products before this called instant fish, but it was a massive dud. They used African killy fish, which didn't really come back to life when they should have. The kids got them in the mail and added water,

Starting point is 00:18:10 and they didn't really come back. That's, yeah, that's a brutal gift. Here's a dead fish. It just had water, and it'll stay dead. they've got a wet dead fish. Hey, happy birthday. Just checking, actually, this little goth sisters list actually included a dead fish for Christmas. Yeah, she is honestly a concern.

Starting point is 00:18:35 She's stoked. Yeah, we are worried about it, but it's the happiest we've seen her in months. So off you go, play with your dead wet fish. Throwing a dead wet fish around there. She's like, yes. That's our little freak. So instant fish was a dud, but von Braunhut had a better product. These weren't just any brine shrimp.

Starting point is 00:18:56 No, he only works with the best. For example, that man that jumped off a ladder into a bucket. Yeah, only the best. Quoting from a great New York Times article by Jack Hitt, that I'll, of course, link in the show notes, he worked with a marine biologist named Anthony Di Agostino, and using a process that he flamboyantly called super homogenation, They created a hybrid brine shrimp that could easily survive

Starting point is 00:19:23 the United States Postal Service would be more likely to flourish after reanimation. I like that as a specific thing you have to survive. The US Postal Service. It doesn't get more brutal than that. What do you mean I can't ship a dog? They worked with the brine shrimp species, Artemia Salina, the one from the bucket.

Starting point is 00:19:44 And because they made the breakthrough at Montauks, NYOS, the New York Ocean Sciences Laboratory. They called their new hybrid artemia NIOS, NYOS. They were selectively bred in the early 70s so that they would have this extra long dormant cycle in their egg state, and they were able to slowly increase that. So that meant over time they created a super sea monkey.

Starting point is 00:20:11 Super sea monkey. And the super sea monkey becomes too powerful. Too self-aware. Too dormant. The Super Cimock is like, Father, what am I? Oh no. Oh, God. You're just supposed to be something fun I can ship to kids.

Starting point is 00:20:30 What am I picturing? So this is, is this still krill or whatever it was? What was it? Brille? Brian. No, what was it? Brian, yeah. Right.

Starting point is 00:20:38 They're very small. And they grow to a couple of centimetres max. Yeah. Which is probably why Jess was disappointed in her 20s. I imagine them more like, tiny little sea horses. And they don't look like that. Yeah, I guess they're like their little fairly seethrough.

Starting point is 00:20:57 Yeah, they're just, they're very small. They just kind of scoot around. How did you get to monkeys? Ah, that's all in the marketing, Matthew. Because he's got the product. What about the marketing? Well. It's all in the marketing, my good man.

Starting point is 00:21:09 He's got a great product. That's what he said. First, you've got to get a great product, which is. He's got a product that will survive in the mail. All right, I can give that to kids. Now I've just got to get them. to want this piece of shit. Now I've got to market the shit out of it.

Starting point is 00:21:22 Unlike the toy companies that were selling in toy shops, he decided to market directly to children, taking out ads in the back of comic books. He would later say, quote, I did 303 million pages of advertising a year. Of advertising. Advertising a year. Wow.

Starting point is 00:21:40 Advertising and advertising. Far out. This guy covers all bases, yeah. This was much cheaper than the expensive TV commercials that the larger toy companies at the time were making. All people had to do was send the money to the address in the comic book ad and their instant life would arrive in the mail. What kids would get in the mail was two sachets.

Starting point is 00:22:00 That's where fun always comes from sachets. Kids always very excited when something that looks like a KFC refresh a towelette arrives in the mail. One was the so-called nutrient pack. The other was the eggs. The instructions stated that they, should first put the nutrients in the tank, a tank of water, should add, and then 24 hours later, then add in the eggs.

Starting point is 00:22:25 That's not a military tank. Is that what you? I have to stress, do not put the nutrients in a military tank. That is how we will lose our civilisation. These things are already self-aware and they've given them a weapon. This is where our super soldiers began. So you put the nutrients in first. That's interesting.

Starting point is 00:22:46 Yes, is it? There's a reason for that, Jess. Okay. The first packet, which is called the nutrients, he said they won't live without this. The first packet actually had a few eggs in it. And the second had more eggs, but then also dye in it. And that made the first eggs that hatched suddenly more visible. So you add the eggs in, and it looks like it instantly comes to life.

Starting point is 00:23:08 But really for 24 hours, it's been quietly bubbling away. But you only see it because he's added dye to the water. Sneaky. Sneaky. You feel like a god because it's coming to life before your very eyes, but really they've been hatching over the last 24 hours. Very clever. And so then you're adding eggs, you're adding more eggs,

Starting point is 00:23:26 so then more will hatch. Yeah, that's right. Over the next couple of days, you'll have heaps more. But you'll get a few at first to capture your imagination. Instant gratification because kids and teenage Jess don't have an adult Jess, don't have a lot of patience for these things. So if it's not happening immediately, it's like, well, I hate this thing. Throw away the tank.

Starting point is 00:23:49 I hate this pet. It's dumb. Where would these little guys normally be existing, Dave? Are they confused when they come to and they're in a kid's bedroom? What level of consciousness do they have, Dave? Rather than in a lake. Yeah. Let's get on here.

Starting point is 00:24:07 Why am I died a certain colour? Hang on a second. When I fell asleep, I was in New York. And now I'm in Washington. What's going on? Yeah. In 1964, Von Braun Hut changed the name from Instant Life to Sea Monkeys, calling them that because according to him, they have a tail that looks like it could belong to a monkey.

Starting point is 00:24:26 Okay. It could. Hey, it could. That tail looks like it could belong to a monkey. So. Not in the way that that monkey could have that kind of tail. They might just buy a tail like that. and then own that kind of tail.

Starting point is 00:24:46 Yeah, it could if the monkey worked really hard and saved up its money and went to the tail shop and bought a tail that looked like that. Okay, there's a world in which a monkey could have a tail that looks like that. So... One of his 196 patents was a fake monkey tail that you could send away for. Wait, now, is it? Is that true? That is not true, but it could be.

Starting point is 00:25:16 It could be true. It could be true. Honestly, that would be one of his better ones. Now, I just want to check in briefly with our resident amateur primatologist, Matt Stewart. How do you feel about him calling a monkey? Well, I don't like throwing around the O word, but I am offended. I was like, what is the I? I am having an orgasm.

Starting point is 00:25:42 Unrelated to what Dave is asked. asking me. If everyone could just give me five to ten minutes. Honestly, on primates, we did get pretty loose with the definition. We did a whole episode about the Mandalorian and Star Wars because briefly there was an alien character that was called a, I can't even remember, a monkey lizard or something. It was like a puppet. And we said, that's enough.

Starting point is 00:26:09 But I think even I draw the line at these sea monkeys. Is there an abomination? I am offended. Yeah, no, Dave, is that what you're expecting? Yeah, honestly, I thought you were going to flip a shit. I am furious. Have you ever seen me this mad before? No.

Starting point is 00:26:24 I'm scared. Me too. It's okay. Matt, it's all right. It's okay. Hey, hey. Kids deserve better. Hey.

Starting point is 00:26:36 Monkeys deserve better. Monkeys deserve better. Tails deserve better. Yeah. Whatever these little bacteria things are, deserve better. Yeah. Well, so he's changed the name, Sea Monkeys.

Starting point is 00:26:46 He had Comic Book Illustrator and Future Vice President of DC Comics. Oh, okay. I thought it was going to be Future Vice President of America. Future Vice President Al Gore. Just web up a little doodle for you. Future Vice President of DC Comics, a guy called Joe Orlando, draw up some illustrations of Sea Monkey characters that helped bring the fantasy to life.

Starting point is 00:27:12 Joe Orlando. Great name. Fantastic name. Very cool. Joe Orlando. Oh, fucking hell, that's good. That is so good. Not real.

Starting point is 00:27:23 No, that can't be real. No one's born into such a good name. It would be unfair. Yeah. I'd call him Joe Lando. Sounds like the quarterback at a very, very successful high school football team. Oh, yeah. And then he gets a college scholarship and he gets, you know, first round draft into the NRA.

Starting point is 00:27:42 He's not saying he has a NRL. Yeah, he switches codes. That's how talented he is. He can play a completely different guy. He's actually very talented. I was expecting that story just stayed positive. I thought you were going to say he did his knee.

Starting point is 00:28:00 No, I was just going to say he was going to be on an incredible contract, millions of dollars. Yeah. Now he's retired. He's part-time coaching the national squad as well as doing special comments. for ESPN. But also just a really good dad. Great guy. He retired and he's still obviously a big, big in the community

Starting point is 00:28:24 and obviously still involved in the sport because he loves it. It's his passion. But number one, family. Very hands-on dad. Does the school drop off? He started playing golf because his son was keen and then he ended up becoming a great golfer as well. Just everything he touches, tends to gold.

Starting point is 00:28:42 Just have a good attitude about it as well, you know. It's just a real sort of very grateful for the life that he has and doesn't take it for granted, really down to earth. And yeah, like his sons do ballet. And so he was like, I'm going to do ballet too because like fuck gender norms. You know what? And that's beautiful. And now you can curtsy like nothing else.

Starting point is 00:29:07 Oh my God. Does the curtsy the one where they spin around? No. I mean, no. But it's unrelated, but he can pirouette. And he does that. And he's amazingly, something Jess and I haven't mentioned, incredibly beautiful.

Starting point is 00:29:25 But it's not the first thing you notice because he has such a beautiful energy. Yes, he's warmth. You might not notice because he's constantly pirouetting so you don't quite get a good look of his face. And curtseying. And he's not like, you wouldn't hear any of this from him. No, certainly not. You know, you meet him and you're like, oh my God, that's Joe Orlando.

Starting point is 00:29:44 And all he wants to talk about is you. He just wants to hear all about your interests, your family. He doesn't even really talk straight away about, like, what you do for work, because he knows what we're all so much more than our job titles. You aren't what you do. And that's what's so cool about him. You aren't what you do. It's one of his catchphrases.

Starting point is 00:30:04 He's really something else. Anyway, Dave, what were you talking about? We love Joe Orlando. We love Joe Orlando. The 11th or 12th most impressive thing he did was, of course, do the original drawings for the sea monkeys. That's right. He won't tell you that.

Starting point is 00:30:23 In his spare time, he's a very good artist. But he's more into cooking. He loves Italian as his specialty, but he can do almost anything. But a very good artist as well, yeah. So what he drew was they've been described as humanoid. And he's a great husband. So two. his husband. Boom. Incredible. What a guy.

Starting point is 00:30:49 What a guy. Sorry, we're all meant to do double takes there. A war? Yeah. Boom. Boom. The real magician, hey? The amazing perko. Boom. Sorry, Dave, do go on. They've been described as humanoid animals that bear no resemblance to the actual

Starting point is 00:31:13 crustaceans and drawn in a 1950s, style. Yeah. They look like aliens. And they still have this sort of image if you go and buy Sea Monkeys now, which you still can. Still can get them. There was a disclaimer that said, caricature was shown not intended to depict Artemia Salina.

Starting point is 00:31:31 But believe it or not, kids often didn't read that fine print. So interesting. The kids wouldn't necessarily read that. It's fascinating. Oh, wow. I'm just looking at a picture of them. They do, they look like sort of like skeleton aliens. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:31:46 Skeleton aliens, you know, those things? I was trying to find the cartoon version. Oh, yeah, I see. Yeah, right. Yeah, they don't look like that. No, sadly not. But in the marketing and packaging, he took some more liberties with what kids who bought the product could expect.

Starting point is 00:32:01 The marketing said, anyone who enjoys the company of pets will adore sea monkeys. They're great company. Yeah, they're sort of like a cat. They'll rub up against your leg. It's like a dog, they'll play fetch, like a horse, you can ride them, whatever you like. Well, he wrote a 32-page handbook that is still included in most sea monkey kits to this day, which states that the creatures can be hypnotized, play baseball.

Starting point is 00:32:32 If you have the right glasses, they can be hypnotized. They respond to commands, race on a speedway, and can even rise from the dead. Wow. This is a quote from that handbook. without a doubt here is the true case of science fiction becoming science fact newly hatched sea monkeys are no larger than the period at the end of this sentence all stop as they mature they will not only change their shape and appearance they will grow incredibly large larger than their size at their moment of birth by comparison if human babies grew

Starting point is 00:33:06 so many times as large you might be 200 feet or 60 meters tall Whoa. Think about that. How big was the full stop at the end of that sentence, Dave? Yeah, was it a particularly big one? Well, I'm writing an 18 point, but... That's pretty big. It also says, it seems that at mating time of the annual kingdom, the male engages in combat to win the fin,

Starting point is 00:33:32 poor, flipper, hoof, wing, or what have you, of their lady love. Can't believe they got lazy at the end there. Name all of them. Or whatever. Or whatever. Oh, whatever. That's more the tone, I think. It starts fun and then it's like, oh, whatever.

Starting point is 00:33:54 Come on, move on. Fuck, what do you want from me? Shut up. I love, so that's all the stuff it's claiming. And then to quote from the Sydney Morning Herald, which is reviewing the product, the biggest Artemia Nyos ever grows is two millimeters. And the most interesting thing it does

Starting point is 00:34:11 is follow a beam of light up and down its tank. Mostly, it does nothing. Wait, didn't they say they could drive speedboats and do a flip and... Play baseball? Play baseball and make you lots of money. Huh? Can't you train them to be financial investors for you? That's right.

Starting point is 00:34:30 They're mining Bitcoin in the tank. Trying to get my dog to be my financial advisor. I think they're just waiting to die. instant life, craving inevitable death. Kill me. But the outlandish marketing worked and pretty soon he was getting five sacks full of mail a day. Each of people sending in letters asking and paying $1 a piece for their Sea Monkey orders. So he started making a pretty penny straight away.

Starting point is 00:35:02 And he was able to make even more money with extra products like vitamins, mating powder that was supposed to encourage the sea monkeys to get freaky in the tank? Why would you sell that to children? Horny goat weed for kids. The thing is, the way their reproductive systems work, the female of the species doesn't even need the male to create.

Starting point is 00:35:27 No, no, no. I tell you what, it does need the male, but it does need this powder. As a woman, Dave, I think I know what a lady needs. to reproduce. I think I know a little thing I'll do about powder. Mark, I, don't tell me about powder.

Starting point is 00:35:46 They're in a powder spain you there. Apologna. You could buy banana treats, sea gems for them sea monkeys to play with in the tank. To play with. They don't have hands. They've got one possibly two lives. I know you don't have to have hands to play.

Starting point is 00:36:07 I know that. But what are you supposed to do with these gems? What are they supposed to do with them? Who knows? It's all bullshit. What are you supposed to do? Watch them play catch. Oh, wow.

Starting point is 00:36:21 What? I even saw these in the 90s, a wristwatch that was a portable tank so you could take a few sea monkeys with you. That's fucking bonkers. So it's like, I think you could take a couple for up to like, you know, 24 or 48 hours and then you need to put them back in the tank. but you could, you know, take them on this little, this tiny little dome of water on your wrist.

Starting point is 00:36:44 That's so stupid. It's really dumb. There was also Sea Monkeys Space Kit, Sea Monkeys Ski Trial, Sea Monkeys Fox Hunt, and the Sea Monkeys' Mystery Robo Diver. I don't know what it is. What's a fox hunt?

Starting point is 00:37:07 I actually saw the 70 toy toy commercial for that one. It's like a, you put sea monkeys on one half of, what looks like an obstacle course, but of water. Like it's like a little river that sort of darts across a little half table sized field. And then you put them on one side and then you try and race them to the other side. Oh my God. I mean, we did some lame shit to entertain ourselves, but that just seems sad. All of a sudden, I'm wishing I was going to watch the train go past. Yeah. I think I want to, you know, pile the family into a car and go check out a train. Yeah, I don't know how he got away with this.

Starting point is 00:37:52 Like how it was... Matt. It feels like some level of false advertising is going on here. Matt, you could get a watch. Yes. To put a couple of them in. So you could take them around places. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:38:09 Not that they could see anything or knew that you were taking them somewhere new. It's just so you could wear your sea monkeys on your wrist. Amazingly, this idea made him incredibly rich. It became a multi-millionaire of the back of this idea. Wow. At a dollar a pop. At the height of the craze, yeah, he was selling millions a year. Wow.

Starting point is 00:38:33 He married twice and met his second wife, Yolanda Signorelli. A sea monkey? They can do anything. You can marry them. It's good enough for me. It's good enough for your kid. He's like on the wedding night, he got out some of that mating powder and he said,

Starting point is 00:38:51 come here, honey. Come here. Took her out of her little dome. He put on the portable sea monkey's underpants. A little tank. And then he took him off again. He met her, this is Yolanda, his second wife, when she happened to be in the audience for a taping of a television program

Starting point is 00:39:15 he was producing for the magician Joseph Dunninger. She was an actress and starred in many racy 1960s bondage films. What's a bondage film? They're quite sexy at the time, but by modern day standards, they're very soft-core movies. They're not that sexy anymore. Is that by modern day? Modern-day standards or a Dave Wartickley's standards?

Starting point is 00:39:40 That's from the New York Times who interviewed her and she said, at the time they were very racy, but by modern standards, I don't think anyone were about an island. But at the time, they're considered bondage films. So she'd show a bit of shoulder. Yeah. Everyone was like, geez, louways. Put it away.

Starting point is 00:39:56 Put them away. Put them away. The shoulders, the collar bones. Put them away. Oh, I'm not married to that woman. I should be said, Matt, put your collarbone. Like, good heavens. Oh, my God.

Starting point is 00:40:09 Put away those clavicles. Showing a little bit of bone. In a different universe where that's sexy. And someone's just had a bad motorbike accident. Oh. Thy bone sticking out. Oh, hello. Hello, mister.

Starting point is 00:40:28 Put it away. Ew. You get the paramedics slash sensor out. Put it away. I'm in a lot of pain, but I feel. Myself has seen the on through the roof. I'm in so much pain. I'm also real horny.

Starting point is 00:40:44 So she's in many movies. I enjoy the titles of them. So these movies were called Venus in Furs. All women are bad. True. Death of a nymphette. Cool it, baby. Great advice.

Starting point is 00:40:59 And finally, assignment, colon, female. All right. Now, is that the symbol colon or the word? We got a symbol here. Okay. Good to check. Very good to check. All women are bad is obviously my favourite.

Starting point is 00:41:17 Matt, you probably have an issue with that. Yeah, well, honestly, it's probably true, but I don't think you can make sweeping statements like that. As a feminist, I think that's wrong. Yeah. I think all women probably are bad, but I haven't met all of them. So how do I know? Let me just say to you, cool it, baby. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:41:34 I've also read that Yolanda claimed her mother was one of the inspiration. for Lois Lane. So what a claim. I don't know if you'd want to be. Lois is a bit of a fucking idiot, isn't she? Because of the glasses thing. Yes. She doesn't recognize.

Starting point is 00:41:50 The whole of Metropolis's in that case is also pretty silly. Yeah, that's true. Is that the right city? Yes. On fire today. Killing it. You are killing it today. I'm so proud of you.

Starting point is 00:42:04 Thank you so much. And I look cute. So we're just having a great day. She's in these movies, but she didn't really like showbiz and the attention and acting, all that sort of stuff. So she was attracted to Von Braun Hut and his success and his idea for the sea monkeys. He's cash. He's cash. Well, she went to work with him at first, and later on they married.

Starting point is 00:42:27 Sure. Yeah, yeah. She was like, oh, I don't like showbiz, but he's got money. No, he's got sea monkeys. He's got hundreds of millions of eggs. I don't like eggs. That's so yuck, isn't it? I hate eggs.

Starting point is 00:42:44 Von Braun Hunt himself continued to invent and sea monkeys continued to capture the minds of generation after generation. So they were massive at the start. And then, you know, even when I was in the 90s, I was like, oh, SeaMonkey Showbag, I've got to get this. In 1992, actor and future deal or no deal host, Howie Mandel, created a live action TV show based on the franchise called The Amazing Live Sea Monkeys.

Starting point is 00:43:08 Howie Mandel. I know that name. He's like an 80s stand-up. Yeah, he's a comedian as well, that's right. He's very famous as a host in the US. Yeah, you'll know his face for sure, yeah. Yeah, I saw a clip of him on Carson a while back because he was on a podcast talking about it.

Starting point is 00:43:27 Yeah, I had no, I knew his face because I think he's one of those big American celebrities that isn't really famous outside of America. Yeah. Or at least not in Australia. I'm extrapolating there a bit. But he, yeah, he, It was kind of like a, like just a loose unit, oddball comedian in the 80s,

Starting point is 00:43:43 prop comic sort of thing. But it apparently was massive, like selling out Madison Square Garden and stuff. Oh, damn. Did you see the show at all in the 90s? Apparently, Matt, it aired in the US and Australia. So it was 92. Right. What was it called?

Starting point is 00:43:59 The Amazing Live Sea Monkeys. Let me tell you about it. He got the idea for the show after his daughter wanted to get some Brian Shrimp pets, known as Sea Monkeys, which he'd also. had as a child and he thought, great. I've got an idea here. The plot revolved around the notion that the professor in the show had accidentally enlarged three sea monkeys to human size.

Starting point is 00:44:20 Uh-oh. CBS said it was one of the most expensive kids shows to ever air on Saturday morning. He was pumped about the idea, this is Mandel, and at the time said, this could be bigger than the Ninja Turtles. Oh no. It lasted 11 episodes. There's clips on YouTube

Starting point is 00:44:38 It looks extremely wacky Yeah, well that sounds like his kind of style I'm just looking at that photo rings a bell that press shot rings a vague bell But yeah, I never saw it That is wild In 1998 astronaut John Glenn

Starting point is 00:44:56 Took 400 million sea monkeys' eggs Into space with him They were exposed to space as many different elements And then taken back stuff that would definitely kill us, and then taken back to Earth, the eggs were hatched after returning from space, and they were fine so they can survive in space.

Starting point is 00:45:15 Wow. The future of civilization is sea monkeys, I'm telling you. Oh, I don't like that, and I don't like eggs. Keep saying eggs. Eggs. Michael Binbaugham's Empire Pictures bought the film rights to Sea Monkeys in 2006, hoping to develop an animated movie,

Starting point is 00:45:34 but it's yet to be made, but I'm hanging out for it. Any day. So back to Ivan Braun Hut, though. He kept inventing, but not always whimsical things like sea monkeys and x-ray specs. You got into guns. Not far off, Jess. Oh, well, no. He also invented a weapon called the Kyoga Agent M5,

Starting point is 00:45:55 which is a pen-sized, coil-springed weapon that unfurled a metal whip at the flick of a wrist. What? And it's marketed as, quote, If you need a gun but can't get a license. Oh, cool. Because they're pretty tight with licenses, so. It's pen size, but it uncoils to like a whip. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:46:17 That's fucked. It's a pretty nasty little thing. It was used by Bert Reynolds in the 1981 film, Sharky's Machine. Sadly, I have not seen. Wow. What was it called? Sharky's Machine. Apparently it was a flop.

Starting point is 00:46:33 And the weapon? The Cayoga. Chioga. Chioga's fun to say. As a concept, I don't love it. Oh, yeah, I see. That's pretty cool. Like a baton sort of thing.

Starting point is 00:46:48 Yeah, it flicks out from a very small size. You can take it anywhere. According to Mental Floss in 1979, von Braunhardt was actually arrested for bringing this type of weapon through LaGuardia Airport. I was just thinking about airports. I was like, Okay.

Starting point is 00:47:06 Specifically with this pen weapon. I wasn't just randomly thinking about airports. I'm not nostalgic. Well, I'm a little nostalgic for airports. But no, I was just thinking like if it just looks like a pen, bloody hell, that makes it hard for the airport security, you know? And you're right, because he was arrested for it. Though the charges of possessing an illegal weapon were dismissed

Starting point is 00:47:26 when prosecutors realized it was too new and too strange to fall under any relevant legislation. I got the old strange loophole. Never even, what the fuck is that? Keep going, whatever. Wow. What they should get for security at airports are some sort of x-ray specs where they can sort of see through things.

Starting point is 00:47:49 For their interrogation, if they are asking someone, like if they have anything on them and they don't really believe that that person's being truthful, they should get hypnosis. Oh, yes. And make them tell the truth. Imagine when they're interviewing him, he just keeps putting on different sets of sunglasses. You are going to release me now.

Starting point is 00:48:11 They are going to release you now. Fantastic. How does he keep slipping through our fingers? He also knows what type of underwear all the cops are wearing. He's not wearing any at all. Now, if going from Sea Monkeys to a weapon that stood in for a gun seems like a bit of a dark turn, Well, that weapon soon revealed something about its creator that was even darker.

Starting point is 00:48:36 In the late 1980s, a man named Richard Butler was head of the Aryan Nations, which at the time was the United States' most dangerous white supremacist group. Dick Butler, you say. Dick Butler. Or Dick Butt. Dick Butt. He was, this is Richard Butler, was facing sedition charges in a federal court and needed to raise money for his case. In his appeal for funding, he included.

Starting point is 00:49:01 a brochure for von Braunhut's Kyoga weapon. The white supremacist explained that the manufacturer has pledged $25 to my defense fund for each one sold to Aryan nation's supporters. Jesus. Well, that's a twist. I know. Holy shit. But surely, the inventor of one of the nation's most celebrated children's toys

Starting point is 00:49:23 couldn't be a hate-pedaling racist, right? Well, the story got picked up by the media, and Butler, the racist who's raising money, soon confirmed to a paper in Spokane, Washington, that von Braunhutt was an old pal and a member of the Aryan race who has supported us for quite a few years now, end quote. What? I know. This is the first people have heard about,

Starting point is 00:49:46 and then all these newspapers start digging into his background because everyone's like, what? When I was a kid, I had this guy's toys. What's going on? The Washington Post started to dig into his background and published this in 1988. Quote, he's linked to some of the most extreme racist and anti-Semitic organizations

Starting point is 00:50:01 in the country. He has a reputation of being a generous contributor. But it turns out he was involved with lots of racist organisations, sometimes giving speeches at their conventions. Really? So it wasn't even private about it. No, but no one had ever spoken about it, like sort of publicly in the media. Floyd Cochran, a recovered racist, told the LA Times in 2000

Starting point is 00:50:22 that von Braunhot was something of a misfit. He said, quote, he'd give long speeches about numerology and he'd make references to the pyramids. It just didn't play very well. But even they were like, who's this, who's this wacko? Pyramids and numerology, is that, wasn't that sort of all wrapped up in, that conspiracy theory, the triangles and stuff? What are they called?

Starting point is 00:50:49 Illuminati. Is the Illuminati guy? He's got some pretty, yeah, odd views. Mate, look, we asked you here to talk about why white people are real good. let's just drop the number stuff, okay. Okay. I don't care if numbers are good unless they're white numbers. And the pyramids don't think they were white people building those.

Starting point is 00:51:11 So if we could just keep that down as well, please. Let's talk about things white people built, you know. Like, um. Like, uh, like systems to oppress everybody else. Oh, geez, Jess. What a girl. I just could think of a building A white person had built.

Starting point is 00:51:35 What's the famous white? Big Ben. Technically, actually, that's the bell. To make this story even more complicated, the term Aryan is used by Nazis to mean a Caucasian of non-Jewish descent. Well, it turns out, von Braunhardt himself was Jewish. His parents were Jewish.

Starting point is 00:51:55 He was raised in a Jewish community and they are buried in a Jewish cemetery. and according to the Daily Telegraph, he added the Vonn's so his name sounded more Germanic. That's not even his real name. The news of this heritage came to light in 1988 and when questioned about his background, von Braunhardt refused to comment.

Starting point is 00:52:12 The L.A. Times speculated that he was allowed to stay in Aryan circles after this because he was very wealthy. Geez, oh, okay. No, we're very strict, very strict. He's got how much money? He can stay. Okay, well, yeah, obviously. this is different.

Starting point is 00:52:30 Willing to make an exception so far. Someone's so sad about it. I mean, it's bonkers. Anyone thinks one racist appear to another and all that sort of stuff. Of course. But when they are including you or excluding you from that and you're still supporting, I don't really, there's something even sadder about that. You know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:52:50 Yeah, definitely. The news of his racism did affect his bottom line for a while. Laramie Limited, who held the license to make Sea Monk. he's at the time dropped the toy after receiving a flurry of phone calls and complaints. Oh, you don't want to hear of flurry. That is, that's a lot of phone calls. A muck flurry now we're talking. That's a good term.

Starting point is 00:53:11 So he got dropped, but then he found a new licensee after telling them that it was a lie to Tarnas' reputation, but they too dropped him in 1995 when the New York Times identified von Braunhut as a featured speaker at the July 1995 Aryan Nations Congress. So he's like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. They were just saying that about me. I'm not a racist. I'm not.

Starting point is 00:53:32 And then he continues to speak at racist events. Yuck! He was able to find a new company after that. So it's all a bit messy, very, very gross, but sorry to say he was a massive racist, which is quite surprising for me buying the showbag in 1996. Yeah. And it was already known at this point.

Starting point is 00:53:51 Yeah, that's right. I don't know why I just can't picture a racist person coming up with something so whimsical. It's like I think the two can't coexist, whimsy and racism. I don't know why. I like that. This can't possibly be. He drove a red corvette and then moved to an estate in Maryland,

Starting point is 00:54:17 a 70-acre property full of animals that he and his wife, Yolanda, called the Montrose Wildlife Conservation. And he was involved with sea monkeys until the end. any decision regarding the appearance of Sea Monkeys had to be vetted by Harold von Braunhut, even in his 70s. He was also very protective of his creation. According to the LA Times,

Starting point is 00:54:39 he once refused to do business with the company desiring to make Sea Monkeys refrigerator magnets after he discovered risque magnets in their catalogue. His wife used to be in softcore porn. I know, but he's like, you're not allowed to make my magnets. You can't make my magnets because you also

Starting point is 00:54:57 make, unrelated to mine, my potential magnets, you also make magnets that are a little bit risky. And that offends me. P.S. I'm a massive racist. I may be a racist, but I'm also approved, so best of both worlds. I just don't like anyone is essentially what he's saying. Well, Jess, sadly, all good things must come to an end. Isn't it funny how sometimes, sometimes.

Starting point is 00:55:27 I'm a sadder than others. Well, I've got here written, even the life of a horrible racist. On November 28, 2003, Harold von Braun Hut died at his home in Maryland. He was 77. When he died, he was said to be working on a pet lobster and an instant frog. Instant frog. No more details than what that meant.

Starting point is 00:55:52 Instant frog. And a pet lobster. What does that mean? It's just a lobster in a. a cardboard box mail to your house. I can't stop thinking about his pen whip invention and how he thought it was if you can't get a gun. He's a little whip thing.

Starting point is 00:56:11 I'm just picturing his followers go on a gun fights, going to a jewel. One guy's got a gun. I couldn't get a gun in time. But I've got this weird little pen whip. But don't stand too far away from me. Hey, yeah. Come here.

Starting point is 00:56:28 Let me whip you. He was survived by his second wife, Yolanda, and by a son and daughter. But the story doesn't quite end there. You might be wondering, what happened to the Sea Monkey Fortune? Of course. Well, it was left to his wife Yolanda, and despite SeaMonkey sales still being $3.4 million in 2006, things have not been smooth sailing. Her lawyer described a situation to the New York Times as

Starting point is 00:56:56 She was now isolated, cash starved, often without electricity or running water on a palatial estate. Having retreated to a single room in the old mansion, she was prepping for her second freezing winter, barricaded by thick quilts, her bed next to a fireplace stocked with split wood. I reckon sell the mansion. I reckon downsize. Dumbass? This is because in 2003, this is because in 2013,

Starting point is 00:57:23 Three, Yolanda licensed out part of the labour of her husband's multi-million dollar sea monkey enterprise, mostly packaging and distribution to a large toy company called Big Time Toys. The deal she set up was big time toys would supply everything like packaging, tanks and all that sort of stuff and that Yolanda would continue to supply the actual sea monkeys to send out to kids. You see, the exact formula her husband came up decades ago is only known by her and is locked away in a bank vaulted. in Manhattan. Oh, wow, that's funny. What?

Starting point is 00:57:55 And fun. The secret herbs and spices. It's a quote from the New York Times, which has an article based purely on the legalities of this case, which is very good. Quote, also in the contract was a second deal to buy the company, including the secret formula. It allowed big-time toys to pay a straight-up $5 million fee and then $5 million more in installments.

Starting point is 00:58:17 That was their deal. But then Yolanda launched legal action against big-time toys in 2013. when they stopped paying her, as they claimed, that already paid the required fee to own the company outright. They were like, we've given you $5 million, we own the company now. In the ensuing court documents, big time toys revealed that they were no longer using von Braun Hut's patented sea monkeys

Starting point is 00:58:41 because she wasn't giving them to them anymore. They were now using shrimp that they imported from China. That's how they kept making it. The two parties settled out of court in 2017, that the details of the agreement haven't been made public. Yolanda continues to sell sea monkeys as the original sea monkeys online. You can order them. There's an Aussie website too,

Starting point is 00:59:02 including a premium super-sized 21-piece kit for the perfect office pet, as well as a T-shirt that says, Sea Monkeys lover. She's also reportedly making a documentary about sea monkeys. So I'm looking forward to seeing that. Oh, I mean, a lot to be told in this story. I wonder if she'll go into the racist past of her husband. Apparently she said she didn't know.

Starting point is 00:59:29 Oh, I'm just out. I'm just off again. Why are you wearing that schwaisticker? No reason. I reckon you'd pick up on a vibe. You reckon? Yeah. Just finally, the About Us section on the website states,

Starting point is 00:59:46 Yolanda is now putting much of the proceeds from Sea Monkeys. into a nature preserve that she and Harold created in Maryland. An ardent vegan and animal rights activists, Yolanda believes in the interconnectedness between all life forms. Yolanda is truly the guardian and mother of the sea monkeys. And that's where we'll end today's story, sea monkeys. An animal lover, animals rights activist, it seems like a strike.

Starting point is 01:00:12 She's obviously drawn the line between sea monkeys and animals. Otherwise, you probably, it's not the business you'd be in, I'm guessing. What? What do you mean? Shipping animals to children across the world. What? You think an animal lover wouldn't want to just shove some animals in an envelope and send them up? But I mean, are they, am I being ridiculous?

Starting point is 01:00:38 Are they, like, clearly they're not going to be, they're not feeling kind of animals? Yeah, I don't know. I don't think so. But, yeah, I agree. It's a weird line to sort of draw. You know the feeling kind of animals. Yeah. Can they feel?

Starting point is 01:00:53 Dave, that is a, I did not expect that story to go that way. That was amazing. And being a white supremacist. Yeah. And then by buying those products back in the day, inadvertently probably supporting that sort of stuff. Yeah. It's just so awful to think about, isn't it?

Starting point is 01:01:13 Yeah. It's very surprising. What a twist. What a twist. Well, I think that actually brings us to everyone's favorite section of the show, the fact quote or question section where we get to thank a few of our Patreon supporters. To get involved in this, you can go to patreon.com slash do go on pod or do go onpod. And there's a bunch of different levels you can get involved in.

Starting point is 01:01:34 Depending on the level, you get different rewards like bonus episodes. We do three bonus episodes a month. there's you get to vote on topics you get to get tickets early you get discounted tickets to live shows all sorts of things like that but also if you're on the Sydney-Shaunberg level you get to give us a fact of quote or a question

Starting point is 01:01:56 this section has a little jingle I think you go something like this Fact quote or question Yeah he always remembers the ding And once you're on this level You get to give us a fact of quote or a question or a brag which is a no one's taking us up on that so far but you also get to give we need the brags you also get to

Starting point is 01:02:16 give yourself a title um so firstly this week and before i should say um last week there was an old reward we used to have a golden hat do you guys remember the golden hat no yeah which was the old sydney schoenberg level and you'd get to pick a topic well uh just cane had a golden hat topic which was the New England vampire panic that we never did. And then we did it last week and we didn't shout him out. So I'm just going on the record here, writing that wrong. Thank you very much, Mr. Justin McCain. Coincidentally, this first fact quote or question comes from Mr. Justin McCain,

Starting point is 01:03:01 who's given himself the title of official mailman of the show, and he's offered us a quote. And the quote is this. In honor of the upcoming June movie, here's the most favorite quote, I guess my most favorite quote from the whole series. It goes like this. I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.

Starting point is 01:03:25 I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear is gone, there will be nothing. Only I will remain. You guys know what June is? I've heard people talk about June. I don't know what it is, though.

Starting point is 01:03:44 Yeah, it's like an epic sci-fi. But yeah, I don't know much about it. I tried to watch the original film once and it was the worst movie I've ever seen. Wow. Even worse than some of the Brennan Fraser movies we've watched. Yeah, honestly, I think I put this June movie, I'm not saying the new one's expected to be fantastic. It's got a great cast, but it's the original one,

Starting point is 01:04:05 including the starring Sting in one of his acting. acting roles. Fantastic. Oh, I think I've seen a photo of Sting in a sci-fi role. It's probably that one. Yeah. I think it's David Lynch directed it too very early on. But yeah, it was not for me, but maybe I'll see the new one and really enjoy it.

Starting point is 01:04:24 Thank you so much for that quote. Justin McKenna. I think it was a good quote. This next one comes from Craig Mowett, or Mowett, whose title is trivia management technician. That might come in handy. That's right. You've got to keep those facts greased. And Craig is asking us a question.

Starting point is 01:04:46 Here it is. Do any of you have a cartoon character you particularly identify with? He's answered his question, which I always ask people to do. But I'll ask you guys first. I don't know if I do have one necessarily. It's always hard off the top of your head, isn't it? Yeah. Cartoon character.

Starting point is 01:05:08 All right. Animation. Tom and Jerry. Okay, drawn pictures. Yes. It feels like moving on TV. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. You reckon Tom or Jerry, though, Dave? No, I feel like I'm Tom.

Starting point is 01:05:23 I'm constantly being tormented by a little mouse. Am I the mouse? Yes. Aw. I would say, what a, Barney Gumble. I'm already dead. It didn't die. That is hard.

Starting point is 01:05:41 Yeah. Captain Planet, obviously. Of course. You love to recycle. Yeah, exactly. I love to die my hair green. You love it. Matt's got a mullet like great Captain Planet actually, so.

Starting point is 01:05:53 Lute and Plunder. Another great character from that show. Animated, animated, animated. I'm trying to think of any. Lisa Simpson, you know, real whiny. That's me. But also, beautiful heart. He plays the sacks like nothing else.

Starting point is 01:06:09 No, I'm not a lot like her actually. Yeah, but when you play the sacks. Dragon Ball Zed, obviously always going super saun. Oh, yeah. Pokemon, because I am a pocket monster. Oh, yeah. I live in a tiny ball. The World Watcher.

Starting point is 01:06:24 I like to watch the world and I can shape shift. I think the thing is we like cartoons, but I don't know if I see myself as a country. Yeah. I'm trying to think of like Disney. but all of those Disney characters. Can we hear the answer as a bit of inspiration to see if we're on the right track here? Well, I just had a thought,

Starting point is 01:06:45 maybe Simba when he's an angsty teen. That's me. Yes, okay, you're Simba and Dave and I are Timoan and Pumba. Yeah, that's right. You're helping me on my life quest. Realistically, and realistically, and I don't love this, but I'm Pumba. And Dave is Timoid. Well, I smell worse, though.

Starting point is 01:07:04 That's true. That's actually true, yeah. All right, I'm Timoen. Craig's answer is... I'm sassy. He identifies with Fry from Futurama, a great character. Oh, yeah. He said, I might be out of my depth at times, but I always try and do the right thing.

Starting point is 01:07:22 Good answer there. That's a great answer. Yeah, I love... I don't know if that's true of Fry all the time. No. But that's a nice thing to see in yourself. That's good. Yes.

Starting point is 01:07:33 Thank you very much, Craig. Next one comes from Nathan Swop, giving himself the title of Grant. Grand Admiral of the New Mexican Navy. What hell. Okay. Grand Admiral. I'd like to apply for the job of rear Admiral. Nathan's offered us a fact here, which is,

Starting point is 01:07:52 US states differ from Australian states by having their own independent militaries called both the National Guard and the State Guard. This includes Air Forces and Navy's, and that means there's nothing stopping New Mexico from building battleships besides budget and being landlocked. But nothing else stopping them. That's it. Wow.

Starting point is 01:08:15 And Nathan's taken charge as well. I guess he's just going to get the budget going first. But that's an interesting fact. Did not know that. No. I don't think I ever really understood what the, like you hear about like the National Guard and stuff. Didn't know what that was.

Starting point is 01:08:33 There you go. Yeah, neither. And the final one this week comes from. Kate Rue. I think this is a first-time fact-quoted question from Kate Rue who's given herself the title of Meat Coach, M-E-A-T. So I don't know if she's coaching the meat or she's coaching you on how to cook and eat meat.

Starting point is 01:08:54 I'm not sure, but whatever it is, an important role, Kate Rue. Thank you so much. And often, I've noticed that often when the title's a bit confusing, the fact quota question will shed a bit a lot. We'll clear it up, yeah. How this goes. Kate Rue asks, what is the pettiest reason you've ever dumped someone or been dumped? He said, I'll go first.

Starting point is 01:09:21 I didn't like the way he walked. Oh my God. That's pretty petty, Kate Rue. There's no light shed on the meat coach thing. Eddie. I don't know if. I don't think I've ever been in any petty breakups. No.

Starting point is 01:09:41 I mean, not that I know of. They've always given me strong reasons. Yeah. But who knows what? Secretly, the real reason was quite petty. But every time Matt's gone, ha, makes sense, I get it. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:09:56 When really they're going, geez, I don't like the way he walks. God, he walks like an idiot. Do have a pretty goofy walk too. Do I have a strange walk, so maybe that's... You, Dave, I will kill anyone who criticises your walk. Thank you, anyone who dumps me for my walk. I'll kill them.

Starting point is 01:10:14 Thank you. Do you guys have an answer? I really don't think I have one, I'm afraid. I don't really, no. No, sorry? No. Yeah, I... Any you've heard of from friends or anything?

Starting point is 01:10:29 Ooh, again on the spot is hard, isn't it? I was just going to say that, I've been quite lucky in that I haven't, haven't, like, you know, dated heaps. You are lucky. And that I've just, I've nailed it every time. It being your boyfriend.

Starting point is 01:10:49 Yeah, I've just, just met real good people. No, I can't think of petty ones from friends either. Oh, they're so disappointing. Okay, it's so funny. Sorry, Kate Rue. You got a fantastic name, by the way. Thank you so much for your question.

Starting point is 01:11:05 I hope you've found a partner who walks just the way you want them to. Yeah. I hope they've walked a pass right into your heart. We also like to thank a few Patreon supporters. And Jess only comes up with a little game based on the topic. Yeah. I was thinking either like what they've in like an invention of theirs or what they've sent in the post.

Starting point is 01:11:33 Great. What about a postable? invention. There you go. A postable invention. Postable invention. Or a just add water invention. Oh yeah. Fantastic. Love that. All right. If I can kick us off, I'd love to thank from

Starting point is 01:11:47 Chemnitz in Deutschland, Dominic Linda. What do you got? Dave, go. What about some sort of small jug? You just add water and then you've got water and you can pour it from the jug. Oh, that's clever. Your invention is taking an existence.

Starting point is 01:12:05 invention, a jug, and making it smaller. Yes, but adding water. Yes. When you add water, does the jug grow? No. Or is it, it's literally just a small jug? It's a small jug. I don't know that you've understood the mission.

Starting point is 01:12:22 Right off the top. All right, Jess, I think Dominic could be stoked with that. No, no. He's nailed it. You've got the next one though. But you're telling me that that is not the kind of thing that Braun Hut would try and market it to people. And people go, yeah.

Starting point is 01:12:35 Actually. What's happened here is Jess has just put a lot of pressure on herself for this next one. Okay. Which I'll nail. Thank you. Jess, I'd love to thank from Hook and I think Hampshire, Great Britain, Kieran Marshall. Grow your own letterbox. Just add water.

Starting point is 01:12:54 So what you do is they send you a very small letter box. It's about six centimeters. You haven't thought it's true, Jess. How do they get it delivered? It's got an A letterbox. They've got to, it gets taken to the post office. They have to go pick it up. They have to go sign for it.

Starting point is 01:13:13 But that's why they have to order this product for future packages. Right. So you order it, you place it in the position you want your letterbox to be, and then you water it. And in just three short years, that letterbox will grow to a full size letterbox that can accept letters and packages up to A5. Wow, A5.

Starting point is 01:13:41 A5. Pretty good. That's pretty good size. And can I just ask just, how are you watering this every day? Do you need some sort of small jug, perhaps? A little bit more useful than you're talking. Fuck, you got me. And finally for me, I'd love to thank from Glasgow in Great Britain.

Starting point is 01:14:03 And I'm going to say Scotland, probably, to be more precise, Matt Stockham. Matt Stockham. You do one, Matt. All right. He's got a little game. You just add water. It comes in. It's like the size of a stamp.

Starting point is 01:14:19 You add water. And then it grows to be Rockham Stockham robots. And it's just like Matt Stockham. Yes. Like they look like little Matt Stockums, but they punch each other. Yes. Yes. It's pretty, you know, and it's a real niche interest,

Starting point is 01:14:37 but anyone who wants to fight like Matt Stockham or see Matt Stockham get punched, they will love this. Wow. That is awesome. That's actually awesome. That is actually awesome. Yeah, I know. Dave, do you want to thank some people?

Starting point is 01:14:58 I'd love to thank some people now. I would love to thank. St. Charles in, what's this, Missouri? M.O. What are we talking about here? M.O. You keep talking, I'll look it up. Sarah. I'm going to say Montana. Just a guess. Sarah or Sarah, Rayfield. Sarah Sassar, what about grow your own sub-lease?

Starting point is 01:15:23 So it comes as a doll's house, but if you add water... The fuck is wrong to you. It is Missouri, Dave. Thank you so much. Missouri. Obviously, I'll be dead in the cold, cold, hot ground before I recognise Missouri, but grow your own sub-lease. So you live in an apartment, you get a small doll's house delivered to you,

Starting point is 01:15:41 but you add water every day for three months, and by the end of those three months, you'll have an entire giant life-sized doll's house, to be honest, just a house, inside your own house that you can now sub-lease, and now you can make money whilst living in your own house. So I've got a house inside my house. Yes, but people live in that house.

Starting point is 01:15:58 So how do I get around my house? Well, obviously there's sections. Sure. So where do I set up the dollhouse? Like, I would, for example, I'd put it in my living room. Yeah, exactly. Obviously, your house remains untouched. How?

Starting point is 01:16:11 Because you're outside the doll's house. The doll's house is its own little thing. It's like a granny flat sort of thing. Yeah, so grow your own granny flat inside your house that you can then lease out and then make a profit. But it is inside your house. But it is inside my house. So you're losing a room. Well, I mean, you're losing a room, but you're gaining a tenant.

Starting point is 01:16:30 Sure. Why not just sublet that room? What? What? How much does this doll house cost? 1699. It's very affordable. 1699 for essentially a tiny house investment property.

Starting point is 01:16:43 Yes, exactly. It's very, very good. All you have to do is add water. Is there any way you could do it in the backyard or on a paddock or something like that where there's a bit more space? Well, sadly, it's ironic. It can't be anywhere, you add water, but it can't be anywhere that is affected by rain. Okay. Interesting.

Starting point is 01:16:59 Because it'll keep growing, I guess. Yeah. Obviously, I'll keep getting bigger. Oh, no. Yeah, okay. So it needs to be indoors. Gotcha. That feels like you might be onto something kind of magical,

Starting point is 01:17:10 but your price point is far too low. Oh. For what is essentially a house, you're selling a house for $16.99, was it? Hey, people not profit. That's what I say. Okay. Yeah, and I respect the hell out of that. Okay.

Starting point is 01:17:26 So thank you to Sarah Rayfield. Sarah Rayfield. Good luck with your new tenants. Hopefully they're not a nightmare. Because they are living inside your house. Yes, they are living inside your house. But not your house. They've got their own house.

Starting point is 01:17:39 No, I understand. But their house is inside your house. Technically. You want to get technical? I definitely do, yes. I would like to thank now from Wingfield in Great Britain, Jack Leswear. Oh, my God. Or Jack Lesseuer.

Starting point is 01:17:59 Very, very nice name, Jack. Beautiful name, beautiful product. And it is a just-add-water sponge. Arrives real tiny, really hard. Yes. At water, big... A big sponge. You can use it to wash a car.

Starting point is 01:18:14 I've often needed a big sponge to wash the car. Like a sham-wow sort of thing. No. Okay. And we went to court... That's right. I remember that. To clear that up.

Starting point is 01:18:25 And I'm getting pretty sick of that. Sorry. That kind of comparison, actually. Your product's called Shamwheel, and I don't know why people confuse it to. Ours is called Sham, woohoo! And it's a very small rock hard sponge. Yeah. And you add it to water, it absorbs the water because it's a fucking sponge.

Starting point is 01:18:50 Oh. So you add it to water rather than the water to it. Look, I mean, you can do either. You can do either. That's versatile. Oh. Yeah. And then it becomes a big sponge and you can wash shit with it.

Starting point is 01:19:03 Or befriend it. Can you wash your butts? You can wash your butts with it if you want. Why do you have so many butts? Oh, I don't know how many you have. I've got a couple. Can you wash your butts? Well, I can't, do you, wait, do you not call each individual cheek a butt?

Starting point is 01:19:22 No. Huh. Culture, I love how culturally different we are from each side of Melbourne. Well, it's just that my particular butts went through Federation a little while ago, so they consider themselves one butt now. Two states of one butt. Two states with the capital territory in the middle. Obviously.

Starting point is 01:19:49 Take that, Canberra. You're a butthole. What has happened to us? All right, that was Jack Lassois. Thank you so much, Jack. And finally from me, I would like to. to thank from Union in Ohio, God's Country. It is David Nelson.

Starting point is 01:20:06 Thank you, David. David Nelson. Well, what does this term mean? The full Nelson. What does that mean? Is that anything? I don't think it's good. A half Nelson, isn't that some sort of block type move?

Starting point is 01:20:19 It's a wrestling move, is it? Yeah. Give him a half Nelson. Oh, that's a full. What is a full Nelson? Maybe we're about to find out. Yeah, it's a wrestling hold gained from behind an opponent by thrusting the arms under the opponent's arms and clasping the hands

Starting point is 01:20:35 behind the opponent's head. Oh, my brother used to do that to me, always. And that's a full Nelson or a half Nelson? That says full Nelson. Oh, right. So half Nelson is half of that, I imagine. There was a movie called Half Nelson in 2006 with X topic Ryan Gosling. Oh, yeah, I remember that at the time, Dusha mentioning that one.

Starting point is 01:20:58 But what do we think? David Nelson, what's he adding water to? A new product, it's called the double Nelson. It's two full Nelson's. It's somebody holding you from the back and a second person holding you from the front. So it's a little necklace when you get it. You put it around your neck. Then you add water. Two fully grown wrestlers taking you from both angles.

Starting point is 01:21:28 Is this sold in a sex shop? Yes. Well, it can be bought from multiple different locations, but normally it's just mailed to you. It doesn't have to be sexual. That's really up to a conversation you have with the two fully grown wrestlers and what you all consent to.

Starting point is 01:21:44 But most of the time it is, it is full penetration, yeah. Full, full. Full. Emphas on full. So David Nelson, thank you so much for your support. Thank you so much. Oh, Ohio. What a great place.

Starting point is 01:22:04 Finally, I would love to thank some people, if I may. Yes, please. I would love to thank from, what's PR in the US? Oh, let me check that out. Because there's only Pittsburgh. I'm guessing it's a territory. Puerto Rico? Puerto Rico.

Starting point is 01:22:21 Yeah, I think it is Puerto Rico. Awesome. From Puerto Rico, would love to thank McGill. Agosta. Miguel, thank you so much for your support. Thank you, Miguel. Puerto Rico, a free associated state of the US. Hmm.

Starting point is 01:22:38 All right, so what's Miguel's just-add-water invention? What about grow your own dentures? Oh, that's good. Does saliva count as adding water? Like, just by putting them in your mouth, do they grow automatically? Well, they start really, really, really small. So you've got to be careful not to swallow them at first. And so what's the point of having them so small, just to cut back on shipping costs?

Starting point is 01:23:02 Well, you're right, if you grow them in your own mouth, then they can also like adapt to your face. You can grow around, grow around your gums. You will have to, of course, surgically remove your teeth first. Get a blank canvas. Yeah. I hate this one. I hate this. Would they continue to grow, though, because of the saliva?

Starting point is 01:23:21 Or do they have like an upper limit? Unfortunately, they will continue to grow. So you'll just have big old horse teeth. There will be a few days, though, where you look fantastic. And I suggest... A few days. And you've already removed your teeth. I suggest taking some profile pictures during that period.

Starting point is 01:23:35 Getting married in just those few days. Eventually, you'll be in the big book of British smiles. Thank you, Miguel. Thank you for that. Dentistry masterpiece, Miguel. I'd also love to thank from Manila. The Philippines. You've been talking?

Starting point is 01:23:58 Yeah. Ah, that's cool. Yeah, cool. How awesome. I'm going all over the map today. I'd love to thank Nathan Rink. Oh, Rinky Dink. Obviously, the first thing you'd think of was some sort of a ice rink that you just add water to,

Starting point is 01:24:14 but I don't know if that makes any sense. Well, honestly, it would get bigger. Yeah. Would it get bigger? Would it get thicker? Every ice rink's going to start somewhere. You start with a small block of ice from a tray and then you just add water slowly. until you've got an ice rink.

Starting point is 01:24:29 Is that how you think ice rinks are made? Yeah. Well, it is in this case. Okay. And we're pouring it from a small jug. Jeez, that jug's coming handy. Yeah, actually, I'm really having to eat my words here because that jug has been handy for just about all of these.

Starting point is 01:24:47 Coming around to the jug. So are we going with an ice rink for Nathan? Yes, but it's not just an ice rink. It's got two adult ice hockey. teams as well. So they all, you add the water and you've got two fully grown professional ice hockey teams. And you get that all in the one transaction? In the one transaction. And only the one amount of water. One small jug of water is all you need. It feels like that would be where like a big business who doesn't care about its customers. So not you, Matt, would be like you can

Starting point is 01:25:22 have like half a team. Yeah. But if you want them to have anybody to play against, still need to pay extra for the other team. You just give them both teams. That's beautiful. Yeah. That is beautiful. How long does it take to grow the teams? It's instant.

Starting point is 01:25:37 Instant life. Get out. Yeah. Wow. And then they just play hockey. Uh-huh. And you just get to watch hockey. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:25:44 You get your own stand there. Are they hot dogs? There's hot dogs, yeah. There's a hot dog guy in there as well. Wow. Just have water. You got hot dogs. Is Gordon Bombay there?

Starting point is 01:25:54 Yeah. Gordon Bombay is there. He's one of the coaches or manages it. I don't know what they call them in hockey. But he's doing that because of, yeah, because the judge said, you've got to do community service. We're going to want you to work with this professional hockey team. Yeah, that makes sense, that happens in court cases.

Starting point is 01:26:11 Yeah, definitely. You've got to work with some kids. That's just how it happens. Yeah. So there you go. That's very impressive, Nathan. Congratulations on that invention. I'm sure you are a bajillionaire, I think, is the only really appropriate term.

Starting point is 01:26:27 And finally, I would love to thank from location unknown, but presumably somewhere incredibly interesting and probably also a mole person. People in the fortress. Ethan Goodwin. Goodwin. Ethan Goodwin. Dave.

Starting point is 01:26:43 What's this one? What about... Come on, Dave. Instead of water, it comes as a hot wheels car. Very small. You're like, what? How did I pay half a million dollars for this small hot wheel car,

Starting point is 01:27:00 but just had water, and that car will grow to be twice the size. So you're selling a house for 1699, and now you're selling a still very small toy car for half a million dollars. It's all about scalability, Jess. What does that mean? Add water.

Starting point is 01:27:26 You think, oh my God, this scale. car's so small and never be able to get in it. It doubles in size. Just once. It doubles once. Yeah, it doubles. That's amazing. Like that science fiction becoming science fact.

Starting point is 01:27:38 You'll never get in that car. Yeah, but you just watch the car double in size. And wasted half a million dollars, but bought a house for under $17. Yeah, there's a lot of moving parts in a car. Can you imagine you've got to double the carburetor and the... Dave, you haven't talked about the other sasho though. there's another sashay in there, and if you eat that sashay, you shrink down to the size that can fit in that double-size match.

Starting point is 01:28:03 Now I'm listening. I thought you were going to say, it's for mating and you can fuck the car. Why do you want to shrink down to its size for, Jess? Whoa. Is that worth half a million dollars? Yes. Thank you. God, you should have led with that, though.

Starting point is 01:28:26 I was so mad at you. Our friendship, Dave, our friendship was on thin ice just then because the rink has only just been bored. All right, so that brings us to our last thing we like to do is thank a few of our long-term supporters as we welcome them into the Triptitch Club. Actually, there's quite a few in today, Dave. Are you ready?

Starting point is 01:28:55 You got the pipes warmed up? Oh, no. Well, do you get them warmed up while I explain a little further. So anyone who's been on the shoutout level supporting this show for three straight years, you get inducted into the Triptitch Club. I'm standing at the door. I've got the clipboard. I've got your name written down.

Starting point is 01:29:13 I'm going to read it out. I'll lift up the Velvet Road. Welcome you in. And to really make you feel at home, Dave will hype you up with some sort of, I think they're puns from the pun master. He will say something about it. He'll say something about your name. It's kind of like the top of the show when Matt the pun king did this exact thing

Starting point is 01:29:30 about the people that suggested the topic. And then I don't know what a pun is. And then Jess gives Dave a little compliment as well just to keep him feeling fresh because it takes a lot out of you to hype people up. So every hype man needs a hype woman or something like that. And then Jess also is behind the bar. You got some food and drinks usually.

Starting point is 01:29:50 Jess, what do you got today? Jelly. Oh, yes. Jelly shots. I've put sea monkeys in it. They are not vegetarian. And Dave, you've normally booked a band as well? Yes, tonight on stage we've got Hey, hey, weather, sea monkeys.

Starting point is 01:30:09 Wow, like a cover band who changes all their songs to like under sea related. Yeah, and they dress up like those horrific creatures from the 90s show, Sea Monkeys. I'm a believer who's under the sea. Everything is just, they'd say, under the south of this. Then I saw her, see Monkey Face. They're very good. All right, so Dave, if you're ready, let me start reading out some of these names. Come on, Davey, boy.

Starting point is 01:30:44 All right, here we go. From the home of Rambo in Galban, New South Wales. It's Peter Grant. Oh, let me grant you entry to this club. from Toronto in Canada. It's Sicily Thomas. Sicily, come on down. Yes, very good.

Starting point is 01:31:04 Shut up, Matt. Keep going. From Essonon in Victoria, Australia. It's Claire Aldridge. Oh, I've been waiting all day, Aldridge for this. All day, Aldridge. Yeah. Good to see you, Claire.

Starting point is 01:31:18 Great to see you there. Less idea of what a fun is. Yes, that's great. week. From Lang Warren in Victoria, Australia, it's Alana Sizio. Oh, been a lot of Sizio about your appearance tonight. Sizzle, Sizzle. He's back.

Starting point is 01:31:34 He's back. From Overton in North Lancashire in Great Britain, it's Ross Garrard. Oh, I'm Gahard right now. Yes. From Stony Batter in Dublin, it's Emma Cougan. Oh, this night just gets Stoney better and better. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. From Leeds, lead, lead, lead, leads in the UK, it's Jimothay, Miller.

Starting point is 01:32:03 Oh, Jim Jim, Jim Jemothay, Jim Jammothay, Jim Jim Jee, Zhu. From Sheffield in Great Britain, it's Hannah McCaffee. Oh, you make me McHapty. Yes, Hannah. From Cranbourne West in Victoria, Australia. It's Ashley Bougure Latchford. Ooh, I'm going to latch onto that fantastic name. Yes, Dave.

Starting point is 01:32:28 Thank you. From Alexandria in New South Wales, Australia, it's Amelia Rice. Oh, Rice to see you. To see you, Rice. From Carrick-onsour in Tipperary in Ireland, it's Ian Miga. Or Ian Maher, I'd reckon. Ian Ma. Which one are we going with?

Starting point is 01:32:49 Ma. Ma? Ma. Come, jump in my Ma. A bit of a Ted Mulry game reference there. Come as you, Ma. Oh, yes, thank you. Jump in my Ma.

Starting point is 01:33:04 Didn't see you from Amar. Yes, okay, okay, now we're getting it. From Mount St. Thomas in New South Wales, Australia. It's Maddie Selvey. Oh, we're going to salvage this night with your presents. Yes, because Maddie's here now. And finally, from Regina in Canada. Maybe even from Saskatchewan, I hope.

Starting point is 01:33:23 It's a Clayton Bender. Oh, we are going to go on a big night with you, Clayton. Yes. Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave. Don't chant your own name. Just let me do it. It seems weird if you do. People at home don't know it's me.

Starting point is 01:33:40 They think that the masses are chanting it. Oh, that's true. Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave. Dave, Dave. Dave. Dave. I mean, that was some of your finest work there. Well, done.

Starting point is 01:33:50 Yeah, that was truly remarkable stuff. That was... Did you black out? Are you alright? That hurt. Yeah. Yeah. So thank you so much to Peter, Sicily.

Starting point is 01:34:01 Cicely? Why am I not saying that name right? Cessaly. Claire... What about... I should have said, let's get Cicely. Yeah. Alana, Ross, Emma, Jimithay,

Starting point is 01:34:13 Hannah, Amelia, Ian, Maddie and Clayton. Welcome to the club. And Ashley. What time is Ashley? Sorry, Ashley. I think that brings us to the end. of the show, does it not? It bloody does, you little Ripper.

Starting point is 01:34:27 Hey, thank you so much. I love that you keep hyping me up, even in the, even the credits. This is great. Can't help it, can't help it. Now I'm hyped myself. If you want to be one of these legends and get access to all the stuff like the bonus episodes that we mentioned, you can go to do go onpod.com or patreon.com slash do go on pod right now.

Starting point is 01:34:46 We'd appreciate that. You'd be the bloody best. But even if you just want a suggested episode or find where to, I'll find a, follow us on social media. You can go to that same website. Do go onpod.com, but we've also got a bit of birch and dice. And yeah,

Starting point is 01:34:58 just check it out, all sorts of little stuff. Links to our web series. You know, we're worldwide on the web. Finally, you can email us, do go on pod at gmail.com. But until next week, I guess I'll say thank you so much for listening. And until then, it's goodbye. Later's. Bye!

Starting point is 01:35:23 Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester. We were just in Manchester. But this way you'll never miss out. And don't forget to sign up, go to our Instagram, click our link tree, very, very easy.

Starting point is 01:35:42 It means we know to come to you, and you'll also know that we're coming to you. Yeah, we'll come to you, you come to us. Very good. And we give you a spam-free guarantee.

Do Go On - 305 - Sea-Monkeys

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