Two In The Think Tank - 309 - The FIFA World Cup (with Michael Hing)

Episode Date: September 22, 2021

Michael Hing (triple j, Dragon Friends, Celebrity Letters and Numbers) joins us this week to tell us about the FIFA World Cup, and some of the wild stories that have happened in the long history of the Cup.Stream our 300th episode with extra quiz (and 16 other episodes with bonus content): https://sospresents.com/authors/dogoonFor tickets to Matt's Live Shows: https://www.mattstewartcomedy.com/ Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPodBuy tickets for our screening of The Mummy on November 26: https://www.lidocinemas.com.au/mummy Check out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​ Check out Matt’s Beer show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ej4TUguJL58 Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everybody, Jess and Dave, just jumping in really quickly at the top here to make sure that you are across all the details for our upcoming Christmas show. That's right, we are doing a live show in Melbourne Saturday December the 2nd, 2023, our final podcast of the year, our Christmas special. It's downstairs at Morris House, which usually be called the European beer cafe. On Saturday December the 2nd, 2023 at 4.30pm, come along, come one, come all, and get tickets at dogoonpod.com. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now.

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You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. Hello and welcome to another episode of Doogawon. My name is Dev Woniki and as always I'm here with Jess Perkins, hello Jess. Hello days. We are joined by a very special guest. Please welcome to the show Michael Hing. Hello Jess, hello Dave. Hello, Doog hello, Dave. Hello. Do go on listeners. What a thrill.

Wow, we don't usually clap people in, so congratulations. Oh, man, I'm thrilled to be here, frankly. Yeah, normally we sit in stony silence for our guests. LAUGHTER As a welcome. Yes. LAUGHTER I wasn't sure I'd have had a clipboard and was sort of mucking me,

but now I can't get the'd Dave had a clipboard and was sort of mucking me, but now I kind of get the vibe. Well, yes, it's so great to have you on. Matt Stewart is not here, so you've got those big BD shoes to fill. How do you feel about that? It's good. I mean, I would have felt worse about having to fill Matt's boots, but I murdered him, so that's why he's not here. And there are highlander rules with that's to it,

if you kill him, you become him. Yeah. So if I just need to complete the illusion, I like monkeys, and here's a craft beer for each of you. Pervy. That's all we know about him. All you really have to do on this show is every now and then drop a pun and then go, is that a pun?

And then you've pretty much, now pretend you don't know what a pun is, but nail puns every time. Great, okay, okay. We will be furious listening back to this. I don't know what they are! What is a pun? No one will tell me! Now, Michael, this feels like a bit of a big get that we get you on the show because we

feel like you are about to explode into Superstarton because you have just been announced as the new host of a fantastic TV show. Yes. Well, thank you so much. It's so nice of you to say it could be, need that to explain to Stardom, or it could be, this could be the final thing before it all fucking blows up in a bad way, you know. It could honestly be like, oh, wow, this is the start of him, you know, having his own TV show, or it could just be like, he was writing a manifest

over the whole time. And nobody knew. You just did this one podcast where he talks a lot about his manifesto. Anyway guys, that's what my report is on. It's 8,000 words, all about the problem with the banks. No, anyway. So I've got this new show on, if you're in Australia, it's on SPS. It's called Celebrity Letters and Numbers. It's, if you're, you might be familiar with an international show

known as Countdown, we do sort of let us a numbers puzzles in Australia, we call it Letters and Numbers because we're very simple people. And there's this like a comedy version of that show that I'm doing, yeah, and it goes to air October the second, 830 on Saturday nights on SBS. And it's just a lot of fun. I mean, you guys like puzzles, right? Who doesn't love puzzles?

Yes. We love them. And can we consider this an invite to be one of your celebrity guests? Yeah. Well, hey, if borders were open, you were definitely on the list because we were like, who were the biggest nerds in Australian comedy? What about those freaks who do that? What about those freaks who do that podcast where you've got to write a 5,000 word report

to be on it? Oh, man. Yeah, you were definitely considered. It's so sad, Dave, because my first thought was, what level of celebrity are we talking? Because I mean, if he's hosting it and I do a podcast with him, that's right. I mean, surely I'm up there, you know. But unfortunately borders are closed and we shot it all in Sydney so you weren't able to get you guys in.

That's a good excuse for you Matt. Yeah, I feel very convenient. Very convenient. And the government letting people travel into state. This feels like the type of show is going to run for a solid 20 years though. So I cannot wait to be on season 18. Man, it's so funny that like, I've just been doing a bunch of podcasts and other media into state media via the internet to promote the show.

And it's been really lovely and everyone's been really great. But I've had this conversation of like, yeah, absolutely. If we do another season and, you know, we're allowed to have people from Interstated, definitely why not? Why not? Everybody's doing the same thing. Everybody's going, oh yeah,

could you get me in there? How can I? Jesus shit. You're inviting so many people. It's fucking comedy, you know? Half of Melbourne have to be on the next season. We get it. We get it. Yeah.

But also, don't. I'd be shocking. David be great. I'd be horrendous. No, that's too much pressure. There was too much pressure. LAUGHTER But I have written a report for today's episode. Now, we love that. Is it somehow word-based?

You can do the history of Scrabble or something like this. It's got, actually, it's in many ways the opposite of puzzles. I have a little, I know you guys have a little question at the top. Yeah. And I was wondering if you can answer this. Cast your minds back to 2010. Do you remember the year 2010? Oh, I like the way you say it.

What were you doing in 2010? 2010, like what you're doing in 2010. 2010, 2010, I would have been sitting in your uni? No. No, no, no. Didn't start until 2015. What were you studying at uni in 2010? I just, I would have been my second year

of studying media and communications by doing in journalism. Oh, you're Mikko Gal. Yes. Classic Mikko Gal. Dave, what were youiko Gow. Yes. Classic Miko Gow. And Dave, what were you doing in 2010? Had we met in 2010? I can't remember.

I don't think quite. I don't, I think we've probably met a couple of years after that. But I was just starting out in comedy. I was absolutely peaking in looks. It's the best I've ever looked. I feel like in 2010, maybe I was a fan of your band that you were in back then. Oh, yeah, I was definitely playing in bands back then.

For sure, that was in me. Yeah, there was a band of yours that I played on a radio show I had on an FBI. But anyway, this doesn't matter. We don't need to talk about that, but I'm pretty sure. Anyway, in 2010, that's what, sorry. There are porthies on Dave's band. With a song, Animal's House, anyway, it doesn't matter.

Well, remember, in 2010, the country of New Zealand went undefeated at an international sports tournament. Do either of you remember what that was? 2010, the country of New Zealand, very good rugby. Very good rugby. I was gonna say they had incredible rugby. They could give everyone's ass at rugby. They're very good at rugby, aren't they?

But is that too obvious an answer? You know, I feel like he's gonna be sneaking out of it. Quite good at crickets with Daniel Vittori. Okay. You just know, do you just know a list of sports who also have glasses today? Yeah, let's give him a say. He was my favorite because in my house,

while growing up, we named him nerd because he does not look like he should be an athlete, but he was the captain of the team and their best baller. So what a very clever nickname to so witty. Look at this nerd. Would you like the answer? Or do you want to guess? Is it an obscure sport? Definitely not an obscure sport. It's not like, I don't know, chess rugby or something. It's not like some fucking Whatever it's a regular sport that you would know Dave gone. Is it the people's game? Oh the people's game

Yeah, so I'm in the world game the people's public of China I was like what's the people's game? I was trying to make a people's republic of China joke, but I didn't get there quick enough. I was like, what's tape do? You are correct. It was the 2010 South African world cup. New Zealand went undefeated, but it's because they got a bunch of drawers. It's a, they didn't make it out of the good stage, but did go under the feet of the tournament.

And that's what we're going to be talking about today, the World Cup, the Men's World Cup. Oh cool. FIFA World Cup. Now, yeah, I mean, look, at this point, I imagine many of your business would be like, I'm going to turn off because I hate sport, but don't worry. I've tailored this report for the non-sports fan and for the people who aren't necessarily huge football heads. Look, our listeners have listened to a Don Bradman report and then a follow-up mini report

which was just explaining the rules of cricket because Don Bradman report was so confusing for a lot of people. So don't worry, you haven't lost that many people, they'll be on board. And I'm gonna say the follow-up report probably confused people even more, particularly people in North America. Yeah, it was baffling.

All right, well, shall we get into it? Yes. Okay, I've written a little intro, so we'll get, but I've tried to make it like a little bit of a mystery, I've tried to track you in some way. Oh my goodness. In December 2015, a 79 year old Swiss man was forced out of a job he had just been reelected

to. Six months earlier, in a victory speech, he had declared himself president of everybody. But now, but now he was resigning a disgrace in what has become a well-documented scandal encompassing modern slavery, $150 million in bribes to corrupt officials, and a cat with its own apartment. His name was Seth Blatter, and he had been the president of the Federal Assion International de Football Association, football's governing body FIFA for around 17 years, despite the fact that his entire tenure was dogged by financial, ethical, and criminal allegations. However, he ran in power because at FIFA,

every member nation gets one vote, and everyone's votes are equal, and the new Hatter campaign. Incidentally, FIFA as an organization represents more countries than the United Nations, which is wild. What? Yeah, isn't that wild?

And this is often pointed to in order to illustrate just how international and democratic fee for is, but I looked into this and when you actually do a comparison of all the other different countries, it turns out that really it's just an administrative quirk because places like the UK count as one place in the U.N., but in fee for their like four separate countries. Okay. So it's really a numbers game more than a democratic game. Anyway, set bladder realized that FIFA members were really one issue voters, and that issue

wasn't gun rights or housing prices. It was basically the only good thing FIFA do, even though it is good in spite of FIFA not because of it. Bladder promised traditionally ignored parts of the football world that he would bring them the biggest sporting event on the planet. Watched by over half the world's population, I am, of course, talking about the men's world cup. The world cup managed to keep one of the all-time corrupt European sport accrats in powerful almost 20 years, and it is the topic of my report today. Love it. You guys all, you kind of brought it. You excited. You sucked me in,

Love it you guys all you kind of brought it you excited you sucked me in Sep flatter incredible name obviously amazing. I want to imagine a cat with its own apartment like how does it get in How's it open the door is it just all cat flaps lots of logistical questions for me on that one But I'm guessing we're not gonna not gonna go into that in too much detail But I'm gonna be giggling that later we're not going to go into that in too much detail, but I'm going to be giggling that later. Okay, good to know. I mean, I love the World Cup. I mean, I love the World Cup, but I also hate the World Cup because it basically is bad for most people who are involved with it, right? It bankrupts countries. It's been used by some of the world's most horrible oppressors to stroke their regos and avoid scrutiny. And the actual games, the actual football games that

apply at the World Cup are usually actually pretty shit. The stakes are so high that the players and the teams routinely crumble under the expectation of the pressure they put on themselves and from their countries, from their fans. And they all have, like the teams have relatively little time to train together. So the actual quality of the football isn't all that high. And the early rounds often involve completely turgid games between players who have never met or played against each other. And if it wasn't for the three or four billion people watching it, it'd be fundamentally ignorable.

But I also love the World Cup because it's a completely wonderful circus. Roger Bennett, a football podcaster, I like, often quotes this saying where he says that two nations, when two nations play each other in football, their nations' histories take the field alongside them. And I think that's kind of interesting because it means like the politics and the history and the relationships are so much bigger than the game itself. And just on that, the World Cup is a football soccer tournament held every four years. Everyone knows that. The men's tournament began in 1930 with FIFA creating a women's World cup very soon after that in 1991.

Just took a while to get the paperwork through. 60 ideas a talk. I'll do the law. 90-1 is actually early for a lot of sports. That's true. It's true. Is it true that they were waiting for the birth of Jess Perkins? No, actually.

The chosen one has not been born yet. Well, just on that to bring back our friend, Seth Blatt, who I mentioned before, to really paint a picture of who he is as a person. I want to read a quote from something he said about how to popularize women's football. So he was asked, what should we do to popularize the women's game around the world? And he said, let the women play in more feminine clothes, like they do in volleyball. Oh, dear God. They could, for example, have tighter shorts. Female players are pretty if you excuse me for saying so. And they already have some different rules to men such as playing with a lighter ball. That decision was taken to create a more

female aesthetic. So what I'd do it in the fashion. And set flat to talking about women's football. And everyone, and I mean everyone is on board with volleyball players in bikinis. Even the volleyball players like this is a great idea. And it makes a lot of sense. And we all love it. We love it. We love it. We love it. Yeah. And then my old counterparts are like, yeah, I wish I could play in a bikini, but this short and single that I'm wearing, it just so in the way. And I don't mean to fact check, except except the latter the whole time, but I did a little research and I don't think women actually do play with a lot of ball.

Like it's just, it's the same football that it's just a, he's a very confused old man. That's so funny. Yeah, anyway, the World Cup. Like I said, about half the world's population is set to tune into the men's world cup every four years. It is the most watch-watch-watch-even on the planet, and people love it. Brings a little joy, for example, in Germany, after they hosted the World Cup in 2006, birth rates spiked 10%.

People are horny for football. Well, it comes really, getting people sexy. But I'm sure you're asking how did it begin? Well, in the 19th century, the football world championship was a club competition that was played between the best British teams. So I didn't really actually involve the world's teams. But by the 20th century, football had gained popularity around the world, including South America. And in 1900, football was played at the Olympics for the very first time.

By 1906, recognizing the popularity of international competition, FIFA tried to organize their own competition away from the Olympics. But in FIFA's own official history that I read, they describe this as a complete failure. There were not the details, but they said it was a failure. I don't know what happened there. We don't want to talk about it.

Exactly. Stop asking. The formulation of FIFA in these early years is documented in the wonderful 2014 film United Passions. I don't know if you've guys have seen it. It stars Tim Roth, Sam Neal, and the now cancel French human parade flight, Gerard Deber Duque. And that film has something to do with Seth Blader, right?

Is that his? Yeah. He sort of funded it. And he kind of is involved as well towards the end. It was produced. This film, United Passions was produced and funded by FIFA, the story of the formation of FIFA. It cost about $30 million to make.

Do you guys want to have a guess how much it took in the box office? I'll let you have it. Give you some context, though. It was released in 2014, 2015. It was made in 2014, released in 2015. In the midst of the FBI corruption inquiry where a lot of fee for people were being arrested. So a lot of people being arrested when it comes out, big release day, it costs $30 million to make.

How much do you think it took at the box office? Well, obviously Tim Roth, a great actor. I'm gonna say $3 billion. So, right? I mean, it's the world game. It's the world game. It's a world game. It's a very popular.

Okay, thoughts? I can't tell if the FBI and corruption is going to make it more appealing, or people are going to turn on them. Sure, sure. I want to say it made like, I'm going to say they didn't even break even, it made like 15 million. 15 million dollars? It cost 30 million dollars to make.

Perk and says 15 million dollars. It took in 186 thousand000 of the box office. I mean, I just want to, I mean, that's, you were closest. You were closest. I was okay. That's what I wanted. Yes. Crosses right, right. Crosses was that going over. It's a draw here. It's classic museum wall I break in.

It's a monumental failure, right? It's on Rotten Tomatoes. It has a score of 0%. Alongside films like Jim Carrey's crime thriller Dark Crimes and Police Academy 4. But let's, sorry, I'll leave that. If you want to find out about the formation of FIFA, go watch United Passions some European sport or crap. How have you seen the film? I have.

I have. It is. Is it terrible? Yeah, it's incomprehensible in parts. And the bits you can't understand are such ego stroking maniacal bullshit made by people who are so out of touch with reality that it's like, yeah, it's truly wonderful. It's just a bunch of people sucking their own dicks for 90 minutes, metaphorically. It was, it'd be impressive if it was, if it was little, but it's it. Yeah, it's going to sound at least impressive, yeah.

Let's head back to the past though, to the 1930s. So this is swell and interest in football at the Olympics, but at the 1932 Olympics, which are being held in Los Angeles, football or soccer, was badly played in the US. So the organizers didn't include it in the program. And I want to do it on a side here to say instantly America's failure to fall in love with football remains to this day. The major league soccer, the American league, MLS, is mostly seen as a place for aging players who can no longer cut it in Europe to do a victory lap around North American relative

comfort. This is for a lot of different reasons. You know, there is competition from other, more traditionally American sports. There's a racist media market that has previously seen soccer as a South American game that white people would never enjoy. And also, just, and this is the best thing. The incredible corruption in competence

throughout America's soccer infrastructure, which is best epitomized by a man called Chuck Blazer, an American sports administrator who was on the FIFA executive committee from 1996 to 2013. He had the nickname Mr. 10% because he, as an individual, negotiated a contract with Conquer Caff, which is sort of the sports administration body of North Central America and the Caribbean. So that area's, you know, Socrates, he negotiated a contract with them where he, an individual person, would take 10%

of everything they brought in. What? 10% of, yeah, because it was just a fucking corrupt nightmare. That's what we're talking about. This guy took 10% of every dollar, with 10 cents in every dollar, but Conquer Cap took brought in. He was so rich, right?

That he lived in Trump Tower. Conquer Cap's offices took up the entire 17th floor of Trump Tower, but he would often work from home where he had two apartments in the tower on the 49th floor, including a $6,000 a month apartment just for his cat. That's the cat guy. That's the cat guy. Yeah, that's the cat guy.

I don't know how much monthly rent you got, you guys are paying at your apartments, but what do you reckon you can get for $6,000 a month in Melbourne? Shhh. Oh. A bit, I reckon, six grand a month. Yeah, it's heaps, that's so much. That's so much.

I mean, I've got city views right now and I'm paying a fraction of that. It's definitely something you can get for a cat. Like a cat would be quite comfortable, you'd think. Yeah. Now I'm thinking about like how much of this apartment, I actually kind of allocate to the dog. Oh sure.

What do you reckon you're paying? What do you reckon you're paying every month to keep your dog out of the state of your pocket? Just for housing. I mean, if we're looking at like vet, Bill's food and everything, he's a handful. But if we're looking at like how much of the house he takes up. Is it quite a bit?

He has a bed in nearly every room. Who doesn't? Yeah, I mean, anything's a bed if you try hard, no? It's true. Anyway, that's just how it comes. But let's go back to the 1932 Olympics, right? There was to be no soccer at the Los Angeles Olympics, but the organizers did see fit to hold an exhibition match of American football between two all-American teams. So no soccer, but we will do American football,

in keeping with America's inflated sense of how much the rest of the world cares about their terrible bullshit game that I still haven't learned the rules to, even though I watched all five seasons of Friday night lights. Tim Riggins. Anyway, so they lead up to the 1932 Olympic Games. FIFA decided to put on their own international tournament to replace what would have been football of the Olympics. So in 1930, in the home of the then current best team in the world, Uruguay, that won the previous two gold medals in football, they decided to put on a world cup.

13 countries attended, mostly from South America, taking part in the world cup, held in Montevideo in the capital of Uruguay. Now, if you don't know your geography, I don't know, Dave, I know you're a bit of a geography nerd. Do you remember where Uruguay is? Yes, sort of on the southeast coast of South America, below Paraguay. Yes, correct. It's nestled between an Argentiner in Brazil and Montevideo, Perco, obviously, Euro-Soy geography nerd. Yes, it's not. Montevideo is real strength of me. Is it, no, I don't know.

No, Montevideo is a mouth of this giant river called the Rio de la Plata, or in English, the River Plate. And it's sort of opposite the Argentinian border on that river. And there was a small European contingent traveling by boat over about two weeks to Uruguay for the World Cup, including a Romanian team that was personally selected by the then King of Romania, King Carol II. Like, he literally the king went around and picked the players to the team, which is kind of interesting.

Did they even play soccer? Well, here's the thing. When he picked them and sent them to the World Cup, he also had to talk to all their employees to guarantee that they would have jobs when they came back from the World Cup. So I'm imagining they weren't full time soccer players back in 1930. They had, they were like plumbers or whatever as well, you know. Wow.

Just imagine him walking down the street just being like, you look, you know, you look tall, grabbing it, it's like, you look fast, great. Take you. Yeah. He walks by like a bakery and sees a baker like kicking a bread roll into a bit and he's like you on the team. It's a real Disney feel about it. Yeah, and anyway, so only your handful of European teams made the trek. Most of them just looked at it and were like, no, it's too far to go to the

old cups. They just didn't go, right? One fun story from the very first World Cup was that American went the US, even though they weren't playing soccer at the Olympics. They did feel the team for the 1930 World Cup. And American player went down with an injury and the team Fisio ran onto the pitch, right, talking about. And while he was running on, the Fisio accidentally dropped his bag. And when he picked up his bag, he immediately fainted in the middle of the pitch. And apparently what had happened was he had a bottle of chloro in his medical bag and when he's tripped, it

had fallen and smashed. And when he let down to pick up the bag, he just had a huge whiff of chlorform and it just affected the middle of the pitch. Very, very, very, very, very cool. Why didn't he have chlorform? What did they use it for? I, I, is, yeah, I actually don't know what the medical use of chloroform is. Aside from making people pass out, maybe if someone's in a lot of pain, you use it to like put them out of the misery. Yeah, I don't, not put them out of the misery.

Put them to sleep. No, not put them to sleep. How do you say? Sedate. Sedate it, okay. Okay, sorry, fuck off. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha Why are you also doing that killing people? Euthanized, is that the word of Euthanized? Tip, tip, tip, murder them. No.

Anyway, the tournament was won by the home nation of Uruguay, who defeated Argentina in the final four to two, and that was the very first World Cup. The next World Cup was held in Italy, and I think you'll enjoy this. Defending champion's Uruguay refused to go to the 1934 World Cup because not enough European teams have made the effort to go to South America for their World Cup. Okay. Classic politics, you don't know. Okay, you want me to come to you.

All right. It sounds like my family navigating who's hosting Christmas. Yes. Where were you last year? Huh? Yeah. Yeah, we're not going to ballerite again. Okay. Which way the conversation? I love that you remembered ballerite. Thank you. I think I knew that

because you had two grandma's growing up. I don't know if you talked about this in the podcast before, but Perko had two grandmother's growing up. Perko, and how did you refer to them? Not by name, but by location. So we had Hawthorne grandma and Balarite grandma. Pretty cute stuff. Neither of them wanted to be called anything other than grandma. So that's how we had to. Yeah, so you had to. To decide.

And whether they would. Standing. Yeah. So the second World Cup was won by Italy. Again, home grand of vanish. It was in Italy, they won it. And it was considered something of a controversial victory because Italy, it's 1934, who's in power? None other than Benito Mussolini, the littlest dictator. I don't know if that's actually true, but that's just my little name for him.

So this is 1934. So this is 11 years before he was shot and strung up at a petrol station as he deserved. Fascist dictator Padeira Mussolini also organized a World Cup, right? And he saw this real opportunity to bring a bit of national pride to Italy, to Bel Paesa, the beautiful place. And he used the World Game to provide his fascist ideology. So in 1934, the Italian team, Boa, they considered pretty good, right? They would go on to win a few other tournaments, but there is no getting around the fact that Breda Mussolini personally selected all the referees for the Italian games, including Swedish referee Ivan Eklund, who refereed Italy semi-final and final, and also met with Mussolini before those games, and was seeing walking over the large bag of cash.

Just like, imagine the local dictator being like, hey, you're going to referee these games. You know, it's just, it's coming. Let's have lunch. Yeah, exactly. In the 1940s, the World Cup gets cancelled because of the little think of World 2. And so Italy got to keep the trophy from 1934 until the next World Cup in 1950, which is the longest anyone's ever held onto it, but you know, was because of a war. But do they claim that, but then just don't say the second half of that sentence? Honestly, if you've on some football websites, I was reading. Yes.

Longest ever holders of the World Cup, so we're pretty good. So, you know, back off everyone. There was this Italian football federation guy, Oterino Barisi, who was worried that Italy's Nazi allies, if they found the trophy, they would want to keep it for themselves because of a falling out that Germany had had over the World Cup previously. So he went to the bank where they kept the trophy and just took it out like he withdrew it. He just and he just kept the trophy. He took it home and he hit it so that no one would ever find it and he and he hit it in a shoe box under his bed. The last place you'd look for the World Cup trophy, sure. Exactly.

So I like the most famous trophy in sporting history, just lived in a guy's bed for 16 years or whatever it was. Fast forward to 1950, it's a World Cup. And this time England, they haven't had a World Cup in ages, but England, this is the first country to professionalize the football. They're going to take part in the World Cup in ages. But England, this is the first country to professionalize the football. They're going to take part in the World Cup for the very first time. They had previously not taken part in the first three World Cups because they didn't want

to play countries like Austria and Hungary who they'd previously been at war with. And they also had like a paid dispute going on. But when England turned up, everyone's like, oh shit, England's here. England's here. You know, it's the first time they've participated in the World Cup, huge anticipation. They're going to be so good. And then they went out in the World Cup, huge anticipation. They're going to be so good. And then they went out in the group stage, losing to America because England, the only thing they love more than football is their own indignity.

Italy, who had won the last two World Cups, were invited to Brazil to take part in the night of two World Cups, so now we're in Brazil. But, a year earlier in 1949, a plane carrying an Italian football team had crashed into the side of a church and had killed everyone on board. So when it came time for the Italian squad to travel to Brazil for the 1950 World Cup, they didn't want to go by air because everyone was a bit afraid of planes and whatnot. So they they elected to travel by sea. Of course, this made traveling in preparation extremely difficult because

they were on a boat for two weeks and they arrived incredibly unfit and went out the group stage as well. Back on the boat, another few weeks. Yeah, second of the vote, not two weeks. The 1950 World Cup was also the only World Cup that India has ever qualified for because all the other teams qualifying from that region withdrew. So India kind of got in by default. But then the Indian team themselves withdrew. Actually, this point heaps of teams didn't want to go to Brazil for World Cup. So Brazil offered to pay for India's travel, but the team didn't go because they were like, oh, by this point, we haven't had enough time to practice and prepare. But that was their only opportunity. Since then, India has never even come close to qualified for the World Cup. So they really should have...

But they said next time. Next time, no worries. That's you. 70 years later, still haven't made a World Cup. One of the theories, the interesting theories about the Indian team, why they were the true, was that FIFA had just implemented a ban on playing soccer barefoot. And the Indian team had taken to the field in the 1948 Olympics with several of the players playing in bare feet. And when they're asked about this at the Olympics, the Indian captain apparently said, well, you see, we play football in India, whereas you play bootball. And you can't fall this ludge again. You can't fall this ludge. Fucking golem.

I've been, he went back to the, the chain dream and just high five. Yeah. He's like, yeah, yeah. That was so good. He's like, you hear that? Like, what would you say? So I was like, you guys play, we play football. You play bootball. They're like, what? play, we play football, you play bootball.

They're like, what? I got on this stupid chase. Anyway, sorry, you're members of the 1950 Indian World Cup squad have denied that the therefore the thing had you do with their withdrawal, but that's just a roomy going around. They have been 21 World Cups, and in that time Brazil has participated in every single one of those World Cups. They've only time, only Brazil has participated in every single one of those World Cups. They've only been seven winners of the World Cup.

Brazil, Germany, Italy, Argentina, France, Uruguay, England and Spain. Australia, our beautiful country. It's qualified for the very first time for the World Cup in 1974, where we did not score a single goal and went out in the group stage. Yes. Australia would not qualify for another World Cup until 2006. So we went 32 years without going to the World Cup. That's 30 years of bad luck. And that is down to the story goes, a witch's curse. Have you heard about this witch's curse? No, but we love a curse.

No, we love a curse. We love a Curse. No, we love a Curse. Okay. We love a Curse. So in 1969, Australia had gone to Mozambique to play in a World Cup qualifier for the 1970 World Cup, right? So before you go to the World Cup, you got to play qualifiers to get in. In 1969, they went to Mozambique to play against Zimbabwe, which was then known as Rhodesia. It was the first, it was a best of two series and because it's football, both games were a draw.

So they planned a third match, right? In order to give themselves the best chance they could, a local journalist told the Australian team to visit a local witch doctor or Nyanga, who would put a curse on the Rhodesian team. And that night, so the story goes, the Nyanga went with the team to the stadium and buried a bunch of bones underneath the opposition's goal to curse the Australia's opposition. And Australia went on to win that match 3-1. But

the Australian team, like left without paying the, the younger the witch doctor. Come on. Yeah, I don't fucking Australians. Australians are great in Australia. And once they travel, aren't they fucking annoying? Oh, the worst. You hear the voice coming in and you go, oh no, oh no. Yeah, get out. And you're like, oh boy.

Oh boy, I don't know them. I don't know them. It's a big country. Yeah, so this younger one at $1,000, and the Australians just left for that paying. And so he said that he put a curse on the Australian team. And that curse lasted for 30 years, right? Like Australia, there's like lots of, I won't go through them all, but there's lots of very clear fail.

Moments where Australia should have won football matches and just lost, right? But the curse was lifted in the early 2000s. And do you have, do either of you guys, you've never had this story before? You don't know how the, because it's an intersection of the football world and also kind of broadly speaking, the Melbourne comedy world. Oh, I'm so intrigued. So do you remember the comedian John Safran? Yes.

Oh, okay. So as part of his SPS TV series, John Safran versus God, John Safran flew to Mozambique in the mid 2000s and got a different witch doctor, a different younger to kill a chicken and smear John Safran with chicken blood to override the curse. He did it for TV, right? And then like two years later, Australia qualified for the 2000 and six more cars. That's incredible. Jolt's never having nothing to do with the Australian soccer team. Yeah.

And then, yeah, anyway. He really took one for the team, didn't he? He co-wish, I just watched the video for this report. And he's like really upset and covered in chicken. Like they slit the chicken's neck and they have like a little laundry bucket and they're just like flicking blood on him and rubbing it all.

And it's, he's really upset. Oh my God. As you would be, it's awful. Yeah, it's fair, yeah. That's the same series where you got a fat whop, put on robe. Yes, yes, it is. It's the job.

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Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. Yeah, it's all about spooky, but people do take the World Cup very seriously. During the 1994 World Cup in the US, Colombia were playing the US, and the Colombian center back, Andres Escobar scored an own goal. Colombia went on to lose the match and were eliminated from the World Cup in the groupstages. And upon returning to Colombia, Escobar was murdered by thugs who allegedly shouted,

goal six times as they shot him six times, murdered for an own goal. The man who was convicted for the murder had ties to a Colombian drug cartel and one of the members of which had apparently lost a lot of money gambling on the World Cup. Oh my god. Yeah, but it's not just fans, players as well. In the lead up to the 1990 World Cup, Chile were playing Brazil in Rio de Janeiro. Chile were down 1-0 and were not going to qualify for the World Cup. It was not looking good for Chile. That's 70 minutes into the match. The Chilean goalkeeper, Roberto Rojas, fell to the pitch, holding his forehead as a firework had been thrown onto the pitch by a Brazilian fan. And Rojas was bleeding from the head, stretched off the pitch, and the whole game was abandoned

as the Chilean team declared they weren't safe, right? So football officials then went and reviewed the video evidence and saw that the firework that which was thrown onto the pitch that he claimed it hit him landed like, you know, 30 feet away. It didn't go anywhere near him, right? And they were like, hang on, that couldn't possibly hit the goalkeeper. What's going on here? They asked a few people about it and it turned out that the goalkeeper had cut himself.

What? All of his forehead with a razor blade that he concealed in his own football glove, in his own goalkeeping glove, right? And that he'd been instructed to do this by the Chilean coach who was like, hey, if I losing, get the game canceled by cutting yourself in the fart with a razor blade. Sorry, you're both looking really shocked right now. I mean, we were just told that a man was murdered for an own goal, but we're more distressed by this news.

Oh, my, but that is so outrageous. Yeah. Yeah. So the team get the score off of that, like that's obviously not on. Yes, that would have scored a lot. And, yeah, that was suspended from international football for two years. And Rojas was given a lifetime band by FIFA, which was, he was pardoned from that in 2001. But he was banned from many years. How many years later was that?

He's like, well, you're now 69 years old. All right, we're lifting the band. Speaking of which, though, what happened to the Brazilian fan? Their name was Rosemary Meijel, or Mello. I don't know if I'm pronouncing that, a 24-year-old Brazilian woman. She's the one who threw the firework onto the pitch. And she would go on to pose on the cover of Brazilian playboy by the end of the year.

I was sort of, she became faint, like a sort of fun sensation around Brazil, and then pose for playboy. And then one article I read suggested that she then went on to own her own fireworks shop. But honestly, I was translating it from the Brazilian Portuguese and it's unclear as to whether or not that was a joke in the magazine. It would be good. If you get to get your fireworks from anyone, you kind of want it to be. You want to bring from the lady through the firework onto the famous floor. She knows their fireworks. I mean, pressure doesn't just come from the players and the fans. Sometimes pressure also comes

from political powers. In 1974, the World Cup in Germany, Zaire, the country that is now known as the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Zaya was playing Brazil, and Zaya had had a really rough tournament, a really, really rough tournament. With their first war cup, they had lost a Scotland in their opening match to a Nile, they had then lost to Yugoslavia, 9 Nile, and their final match was against the most successful nation in football history, Brazil, right? So this is Zaya versus Brazil, 78 minutes into the third game. Brazil are awarded a free kick just out of the box. So Zaya lined up defensively. You know how they make the little wall in football?

Yeah. And Zaya did that. But when the referee blew for Brazil to take the kick, Ilongam Wepo, a Brazilian defender, he sprinted forward and kicked the ball, which is like before the Brazilians had even resuppened play, right? So he's just taken their free kick and booted it down the other edge, right? And just if for anyone who's confused about the rules, that's definitely against the rules.

It's never happened in the world. He hasn't found a loophole that no one else has ever thought of. He's like, he has discovered something. Why don't you wear it in the rule book? It says, I can't do that. Huh? Football, I've got to put this a ball.

Let's go. What's the problem? Yeah, go. So, that's definitely get through all, and it's never happened to the World Cup before or since, and this ziotein became an objective ridicule, right? For this kick, for this moment of the taking the wrong free kick more than for that nine year defeat against Yugoslavia, people called them clowns, and whenever you watch one of these like World Cup highlight shows, you know, history of the World Cup, they always play this thing as like, it's wacky.

One of the commentators referred to it as quote, African naivism, which was a bit, it's a bit crook. So, that was sort of an object of ridicule for this. But the reason Weppu had taken the illegal free kick was because he didn't understand the rules, wasn't because he was trying something, you were discovered something new. He did it because he was a desperate man. At the time, Zaya was controlled by the dictator, the babuto, Ceci Soko. And he had sent his own personal attachadays and dignitaries to the World Cup with the team,

right? So he sent the team, he sent his friends along with the team. And these tag-longs had spent their way through the stipend that they'd been given, and it had also then begun helping themselves to the players' wages and bonuses. And so the players had gone on strike, and that is what had led to the 9-0 dropping by Yugoslavia. So when Zaya lost 9-0 to Yugoslavia, it wasn't because they weren't necessarily terrible at footballs, because most players were like, well, I'm not going to fucking play if the fucking, if these guys are going to steal our money. But after that nine-year-old drumbing,

the dictator sent his security forces from Sleye to visit the team and told them that if they lost another match like that, they would not be allowed to return home. Oh, like he threatened them with becoming stateless people if they lost another match that badly. So his free kick was, when he took that free kick, it was a moment of protest for him.

And if he was trying to explain to the world this awful thing that was happening, but because everyone just looked at it, it was like, ah, this weirdo African name's doing something crazy. Anyway, as it turned out, Zaya only lost three Nile in that game to Brazil and they were allowed back into the country. But the dictator soon off that lost interest in football and turned his attention to boxing instead. He stopped being interested. He's so... We've talked about him before.

Yeah. He died in 1997 after looting the national treasury so much that his regime popularized the term kleptocracy. So anyway, he was a bad dude. People spent a lot of time arguing who the best player ever played in the World Cup is. Obviously, there are modern players like Cristiano Ronaldo and Lattel Messi. They consider greats, but they have never won a World Cup. So if you're talking about the best player in the World Cup, you're looking at the classic greats to familiar famous football names. Pele from Brazil. You guys might know from the erectile of this function ads. He , um, front of the familiar years. Do you remember those? At all? No.

Sort of. We nasal spray thing where he, where he, like, Pele, one of the greatest sports people of all time would be like, and sometimes my dick doesn't work. Can I use this? He's like, I'm the best ever, but we didn't get paid that well back in the day, so I've really got to cash in now. So Pellet is one of them, and the other person who's also considered the best is a guy called Mara Donner, whose soccer skills were only at Wade by his ability to cheat and do drugs in the most charming way possible. I'm sorry, where's David Beckham in that list? He never won the World Cup, you know?

Yes, but who else could bend it like him? I think there was like a man in a film about that anyway. Yes, Minda. I've seen a film a lot of times. I was like, I don't remember any of the character's names, but Dave's like, oh, you don't remember any of the character's names. But Dave's like, oh, you're a magician. Is that your, I should have asked you before this, you guys, how, when you said, Dave, you had a passing interest in football. Is your passing interest in football that you've seen the film, pendant like Beckham, about 80 times? Is that it? That's part of it.

No, when I was, so that film, it's actually, it came out the same year. Which is 2002, when the World Cup was on, and I was in grade six in primary school, and our school became obsessed with it. And Australia wasn't there. So I wanted England to win back then for some reason. This is also the year when David Beckham was huge. So I was into it for about four and a half weeks.

Right, okay. Ben DeLogue Beckham. Yeah. But I have seen that movie many times, which is a movie that goes for about 90 minutes and is about 50 minutes of musical montage. Absolutely amazing. Yeah.

Ben DeLogue Beckham is the closest I've ever become to understanding the offside rule. Great, okay, good. And even then, I'm sketchy on it. I'm watching Ted Lasso now and I even then, I'm sketchy on it. I'm watching Ted Lasso now and I'm like, I still don't get it. As a young woman, did you find David Beckham like a heart throb at all, Perkow? No. No, it did nothing for you. No. But I love him. I love posh and becks. Good on, am I say? All right, well, here's a couple of interesting

facts about Pele. I'll do a little comparison, then you guys can decide which one you like better, Pele, or Maradona. It's a classic sort of impoverished childhood to global sports stardom story. Pele was so poor when he was young, but he couldn't afford a soccer ball, so he'd play with a sock that was stuffed with rags. Oh, that's so sad. Yeah, it's similar. It's kind of similar to that, to the Don Bradman story, I know you guys are a fan of,

of the cricket stump and the golf club and the water tank when you're hitting around the soccer rags. What a guy. Exactly. But he became so beloved in his home of Brazil that in the 1960s, when Rich European clubs were trying to sign Pelle, the Brazilian government in order to stop him from going to Europe, they declared him a literal national treasure. I just sort of like, oh, Pelle is a national treasure, he's like, okay, I'll stay here then. He was so beloved that in the 90s, in the 90s, Pelle actually became a minister in the

Brazilian government. He was sort of made, the government made him like a special sports minister, which is, I guess, I was like, what is the Australian equivalent of that? And I'm like, I guess that'd be like if we made like a warning, a special advisor. Like, can you imagine minister Warnie, like, he's the, he's in the government? I don't know. That's what we, what do we call him if he's a minister? Shane. Politics, Shane.

That's a little cricket check for anyone who's interested in cricket. Anyway. And just to give you a fun insight into how beloved Pele was globally. In 1967, during Nigeria's brutal civil war, the government, on both sides, called a 48-hour ceasefire in the country so that Pele could play a football match in Lagos. They're in a civil war and they stopped civil war to watch Pele play. Wow.

Which is why. No one, David, I mean no one, is stopping a civil war to watch us podcast. Oh, oh. Yet. Yes. I hear you guys are big in England and that's honestly is on the verge to watch us podcast. Yet. Yeah, I I hear you guys are big in England and that's honestly is on the verge of being a failed state. So um, it could be civil war any day of the UK.

If it does, maybe they'll stop it for um, for the do go on live show tour. We do a podcast live from Greg's on the border of Scotland in England and uh, we'll stop that. Stop that. The referendum before it. That was. In fact, speaking of England, Quinoa is about the second has knighted Pele. Wow. Yeah, he's not even English. He's definitely Brazilian. He's not English. But in 1997, the Queen made him a knight commander of the British Empire. Yeah, he played from the

1950s through into 1970s. His first World Cup was in 1958. It was in Sweden. He was 17 years old. Wow. And Brazil won the World Cup. He scored two goals in the final. And it's kind of interesting because it's like the 1950s and suddenly there's this young kid is one of the most famous sports people in the world. And it's like a genuine world superstar.

And it's also the 1950s and he's black. And it's the first time that a black player is like the most famous football player in the world. And it's kind of, it kind of is the, I don't know, like you read reports at the time and it's like people commenting on that in a way that is weed and gross, but also very patronizing and yeah, I think it was bad at the time, it became a very positive thing because obviously times get better. Brazil returns to the World Cup in 1962. They win again. Brazil lose the World Cup in 1966, but Brazil won the World Cup again in 1970 with Pele, right? So this is, he's the only person to ever win the World Cup three times, and he's the youngest player to ever win the World Cup. So that's Pele. He's one of the, maybe one of the greatest players ever to play the

World Cup. On the other side of the debate is Diego Maradona from Argentina. I'm sure you've heard this name as well. So Maradona was born in 1960. You've probably seen videos if you're imparting and just being Maradona. If whatever reason you don't know anything about Maradona, he's just one act don't about him that sort of gives the vibe of Maradona. In 1986, he was seen doing lines of cocaine on the field during a match. That is all I'm. What is he doing? He's doing, he had a little train, he's doing lines of coke

and then through the trial. That's incredible. I'm actually just giving so few fucks about consequence. That's not care about anything. Who cares? So Maradona played in four World Cups, 82, 16, 90 and 94. He only won the one World Cup in 1986, but basically he's thought to have basically won it by himself. Like do you know what I mean? There's obviously 10 other players on his team, but he was sort of an incredible mix of skill and determination and cheating. And cocaine. Yes, and cocaine.

Obviously playing against England in the $9.86 quarter final, he scored what is considered the goal of the century, which is thought of as the greatest individual goal ever scored in football in it. He dribbles past four separate England players. He covers about 60 yards in 10 seconds. He finally gets to the keeper and then he kind of fakes out the keeper, tricking the English goal he does one way and he slots the ball in. And it's just, if you ever see it, it's completely mesmerizing, it's truly beautiful.

It happened about four minutes before Maridon was other famous goal, which is often referred to as the Hand of God, where he basically jumps and punches the ball into the back of the net. But he does so, holding his hand close enough to his head, so that it looks like he's heading the ball, but he's actually just hitting it with his fists. It's very funny to watch, right? And remember what I said about football, not just being about the match, but itself but being about the political context of the national team. So in 1986, it is four years after the Falcons War, where the English had basically humiliated

Argentina, right? So in 1986, when Maradona scores these two incredible goals against England and Doxamau of the World Cup, it's like, you know, Maradona is now running rings around the English team at the national sport in front of the world's largest audience. Like, I'm trying to think of modern equivalent. Imagine Iraq beating the US at baseball in 2009. Like, you know what I mean? Like, that's the kind of vibe, right?

I could talk about Maradona forever. I love Maradona. Later World Cups. Again, this is how little he gave a shit about anything. He tested positive for performance enhancing drugs and was suspended and he just burnt out by partying too much and stuff. Though he did claim that the positive drug test was because his trainer gave him an energy drink called Rip Fuel, which is a wild name.

Rip Fuel. And he usually drank the clean, what he said was the clean Argentinian version of it, but because he was in the US at the time, he drank the US version, he said it was filthy and had drugs in it. But he's just an incredible character. He went on to be the manager

of the Argentinian football team in the 2000s. And in 2009, when Argentina beat your Guano-Wolca qualifier, he was the coach of the team and he took the opportunity to respond to some of his critics in the press conference. I thought I might read a couple of quotes from enduring this. Now, I will say this is not the kind of language

that I approve of, but I'm just, I'm using it to illustrate how much he did not give a fuck and was, what a, just, this is an official World Cup qualifier press conference that he's saying this, okay? Incredible. So he points to the journalists and he starts it off by saying, you lot take it up the arse. That's his opening.

That's his opening to the press conference, right? Everything, oh boy, this is not good. What are you doing, Maridot? What's happening? He goes, I want to dedicate this to the whole of Argentina, to my family too, but there's one group who do not deserve this win because they have treated me like rubbish. I don't usually read the newspapers or listen to sports programs, and my daughters do. And they told me what had been said about me, and I appealed to all those that said anything against me, keep eating your words.

But certain people who have not supported me, you know who you are, you can suck it and keep on sucking it. This is for everyone in Argentina except the journalists. Just in many ways the worst guy, but also a spirited character. He kicks down the door into that press conference. He's already flipping the door. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. That's big fuck you.

But his opulent corrupt yet popular spirit lives on in Thief from the World Cup. The World Cup is just a constant source of greed and largeness and wasteful crop spending. It gets more and more expensive to hold every year. The thing is Thief it takes most of the profits of the World Cup every year. So there's been this trend of countries like Russia using the World Cup as a bit of a PR boost, losing huge amounts of money to launder the public image. But how much money will, for example, in Brazil, it's been about about 14, between 11 and $14 billion to run the World Cup in 2014. Again, FIFA takes all the profits of this. So they just put the money to build the stadium stuff. Russia, spent a bit more

than that, 20 to 25 billion dollars for 2018. Qatar, who it must be said, have been accused of using slave labor to organize their world cup in 2022. They are spending around $200 billion. No, no. $200 billion. And to be clear, they're not even paying people properly. The Qatar world cup is one of the most definitively, one of the most corrupt decisions FIFA has ever made.

Katari has never qualified for a World Cup before. The country has ranked 139th in the world in football. Wow. They don't even have enough stadiums to a World Cup. There's this huge amount of building going on for the World Cup because they don't have the necessary sports infrastructure. They're building, in one instance, they're building an entire new city for the World Cup, right? But all this construction is mostly done by migrant labor, mostly from Bangladesh and Nepal.

And the workers are often held in captivity, they're passports are confiscated, they're unable to get home or afford exit fees. At one point, there was one point during construction where a Nepalese worker was dying on a construction site in Qatar every day, unable to leave passports taken. It's probably fucked. There is evidence that millions of dollars has been paid by Qatar officials to thief officials to ensure that Qatar got the World Cup. One estimate is that about $150 million worth of brides has been paid.

This is, yeah, just to buy votes. And people are going to present for this, the decision to hold the World Cup in couldn't entire, it's so bad. It's such a poorly suited venue for a World Cup. The country often reaches temperatures up to 50 degrees Celsius, right? And so they're going to be playing football matches, you know, so they can't even do it during the summer when they usually do that. I've got to do it during the winter. When is this supposed to be? 2022. So this is next year. Oh my goodness.

Next year. Yeah. And even then, they're going to do it in the winter. But even then, it's so hot that all the stage is going to have these huge giant solubhoud fans installed to cool it down. But many players now who are these giant fans will cause wind that will affect the gameplay because they're just going to be blowing wind everywhere. Even set bladder, the headhunt show of corruption in the world game has said awarding the World Cup to Qatar was a mistake. Wow.

And he's going to go to prison if he lives long enough to go to prison, you know. All right. Anyway, we're getting towards the end of this, but I want to tell you a couple, what are the little anecdote? That's all right. Berkho, this is getting towards the end of this, but I wanted to tell you a couple, or what are the little anecdotes? That's all right. Berkho, this is the one you might enjoy. Okay, so when you said this is one you're gonna enjoy, I knew it was gonna be piss or shit related.

And for context for people who don't know why, that is because Michael and I do it, other podcasts together, it's a segment on Triple J called Simple The Gest. And we get people's stories about all sorts of different topics. And I personally tend to love people's stories about them pissing or shitting themselves. And it's, it did it start as a genuine love of piss and shit? No, but it was more in Lewis's discomfort for those

stories. And Hingen, I really jumped on board and the like, these are the best stories in the world. So when you say now, Perk, are you going to like this one? Is it piss or shit related? It is shit, really. I didn't know that you only turned that on for us. I assumed that you lived your life. No, my character on this podcast is a little cutie pie. Oh, how interesting. Why wouldn't you guys see the real Jess Perkins?

The subscribe to see for the Jessed. Really see what a monster she can become. It's 1990. England are playing the Republic of Ireland in their first match. This World Cup is in Italy. And there's quite a famous sports broadcast in now called Gary Linnaker, but at the time he was the strike of the England team. And he'd been suffering with a stomach ache before the match.

And he said, this is this is quite a grim. I had a bit of a dicky stomach ache. I don't know where it came from. I managed to get through the first half despite terrible, terrible stomach cramps. And you know, it's the World Cup. You can't say, excuse me, ref, is it all right if I pop off to the Louvre for five minutes? I was not very well. I was poorly in half time, but I carried on.

The ball went down the left hand side. I did try to tackle someone. And as I stretched out and then relaxed. Yeah, that's what it's going to get you. Something went down his left hand side of his shorts. I was very fortunate at the rain that night and I could do something about it, but it was messy. It just came out. It happened. How much detail do you want? You can see me rubbing the ground like a dog. It was the most horrendous experience of my life, but I tell you, I never found so much space in

a game that I did after that. I remember Gary Stevens coming up to me and he's looking over me, said, you all right? And I said, I've just shit myself. What do you do? What do you want me to do? Anyway. Matt's going to be so glad he's not here for this. Anyway, look, I hate the World Cup, obviously. But it is the only global football tournament we have.

And football is, in my opinion, the most important, least important thing. And the World Cup is just the worst possible version of the best possible thing. And that is my report. Great work, Michael. Thank you so much. Do you guys have any questions? I feel like, I feel like sorry, I got a bit nervous and I just kind of bowed through it. I didn't leave enough time for questions during the report. I'm sorry. No.

You've got any questions or any other things you want to revisit? Yeah, I've heard, is this true? You're quite good at the video game fee for us, is correct? Yeah, so I'm, I don't even like soccer that much of our modest. I've got a lot of stuff. Did you have, like, do you follow club teams and all sorts of stuff? I peripherally follow. This is so silly.

So I grew up a little bit of my life in the UK. And my parents would always have the radio on. And they weren't really into football, but if you live in the UK just, and you have the radio on, there's just football on all the time, right? And so when I came back to Australia, I remember trying to find football just because it was sounded familiar and it was just the thing I knew. But obviously it's how it's on a weird time. You can't just get to little bits of football media.

And so when I was in like United in your 10, I used to seek out like internet streams of British football call in shows. And I never watched the games. I just love listening to the shows because I liked it when I was a kid. I like to do the voices along with the different callers. People just call that calling and complaining about the England manager or like certain struckers or lazy or certain defenders that go overpaid or whatever. And I would just sit it. I would sit. This is real sad. I would sit sometimes in the computer rooms at lunch and listen to the podcast.

I mean, listen to the streams of radio shows and do the voices along with them. Very popular kid, very popular. Well, is he going to see the computer and go, hello. No, honestly, yes. A fry-Odson, what's that tell me? A bit like just me.

Wow. Little like 14-year- old, hitting in the computer labs. And my friend at the time, this is one where I was in year eight, he said to, he noticed I was doing it and he became friends with me because he actually genuinely liked football. As opposed to me, I just like listening to the radio shows about football. He then introduced me to FIFA, which is the computer football game. And the first time I sat down and watched like a proper football match, it was in year nine when I'd been playing FIFA for about a year and kept getting beaten by my friends. And I thought that if I started watching proper football, it might make me better at FIFA. And so that's when I started watching football.

And did it work? Yeah, got pretty good after a while, but now I just watched YouTube videos of people playing FIFA instead of actual football. And I listened to Heaps of Football podcast now, because I know, because the problem is... It seems like you do like it. LAUGHTER

I love football media. This is so stupid, but I love football media more than I love football. I love how it makes everyone crazy, like, and everyone lose their minds over something that absolutely doesn't matter. I love how it's a metaphor for the horrors of capitalism. I love how it's everything bad about the world,

but also it's just this thing that people feel pure joy over. Yeah, and I also love that it's like, I think, for a certain kind of man, it's the only time that they allow themselves to feel emotion. And there are a lot of football commentators who I love watching because they're clearly going through very severe mid-life crises.

But the only way they express their emotions are when Liverpool lose three nil to Manchester, United or whatever. And that to me is always very fun to, to observe. Um, but yeah, I, I, I watch a lot of, I listened to a lot of football radio on a, yeah, but I don't actually watch a lot of actual soccer. That's really interesting. I'm also not even really a fan of footballers because footballers are usually like mostly tell, oh, not mostly.

There's a lot of, there's a lot of terrible people. You know, I was a lot of terrible people in any industry and also professional sports. But I really love, I'm more of a fan of football managers. I can't even have a favorite team. I have favorite managers that I follow around from club to club because I'm like, oh wow, they're implementing a, like he's using a false nine.

That's an interesting strategy. Like it's, a false nine. That's an interesting strategy. What am I like? It's just really cerebral. But then there are, so I'm like, I'm like, probably what people consider like a fake football fan, but kind of a nerdy cerebral football fan. There's people who are, I think are even nerdy even me. And those are people who don't even enjoy managers.

Those people who follow certain tactical formations. Oh. And so they'll who don't even enjoy managers. Those people who follow certain tactical formations. And so they'll be like, oh man, I'm a big fan of team X or team Y because they are implementing this style of play that I want to like devoid of any human interaction. But if that team gives it up, will they find a new team that does their formation? Yeah, yeah. That's so weird. That's amazing. I love it. Yeah, that, yeah. That's so weird. That's amazing.

I love it. Yeah, that's kind of that's kind of where I spider me eventually. That should be on the test for serial killers. I was like, that's something I think. Just watch, watch some football and tell me what appeals to you. What's interesting about this? You tell me.

See what they say. If they're like, I like the color of the uniforms or that was a fun game, okay? Yeah, you're right. I like the technical play, okay. All right. You're a psycho. Mostly, most of this was taken from the official FIFA history and then a series of Guardian articles by Philippe O'Clair and Barney Rone. Barney Rone. Fantastic name. Those were the main sources. Now, can I just ask Michael, now I'll set Bladder as out of the picture.

But you said possibly going to jail, is the hope that FIFA will be less corrupt or is there no chance of that? Is that not going to happen? Oh, naive day. naive day. What a thing. So when set blatter stepped down, Slash was booted out in 2015.

Now, I remember that specifically because I was out that night with my friend Josh, and we went to a trivia night. And we thought it would be funny to have a trivia name that pund on Set bladder and then right trivia hosts proceeded to read out 10 of 12 names all who had Bound names on septic bladder Everyone did it everyone Okay, so when he was booted out, a bunch of people went for the job again because he'd been in for 17 years. So there was quite a few people waiting in the

wings to go. One of the guys was Michelle Platini, who was also at UIFA, which is the European one. He has since been arrested and has been caught up in scandals. But the person who won, the election, was Gianni Infantino, who's a Swiss Italian football administrator. Now, just looking at his Wikipedia page, just to give you a vibe of who he is, one of the segments is on the Panama Papers. So he's that kind of guy. And so he got the job in 2015. By mid 2016, he was suspected to have broken the fee for code of ethics. Incredible.

He's basically had his hand in all kinds of corruption. And just as an idea, there was like this document that revealed all of his personal expenses that he charged to fee for or whatever. One of them was I think for a 9,000 pound, also that's like a what a $20,000 mattress that he charged fee for for. He'd also charged them, I think, for he, basically he's one of those guys who we like charged to the work account, but it was like, it was something like a treadmill, a $20,000

mattress, and a tuxedo, I think. And I was like, well, these are not work expenses. Like, this is not good. Anyway, so he's in a lot ofedo, I think. And I was like, well, these are not work expenses. Like, this is not good. Anyway, so he's in a lot of trouble now as well. Oh, I'm sorry. Do I not need, do I not need to be well rested in order to do my job? Can you imagine, Jess Perkins, if you charge $1,000 tuxedo

to the do-go-wanna count, how would Dave and Matt react? They'd say, um, put on that tux girl, give us a spin. Maybe like finally she's getting dressed appropriately for the podcast. Finally, we've been wearing tuxes for nearly six years that she turns up in anything she wants. So no, Dave, unfortunately, it is unlikely that FIFA is going to

be cleaned up anytime soon. It remains. It's tragic. What, like, what of the worst sports organizations on the planet? And, unfortunately, it's just happened to be in charge of the best sport. So it's not good. Incredible. Well, it's an amazing story, Michael, and we appreciate so much. You're coming on, do go on, and telling us all about the FIFA World Cup.

It's not long now, obviously, then, until the next one. So. Yeah. Which, you know, you're, I guess, you're allowed to watch, but you have to do so sort of fully aware of how fucked and awful the World Cup and FIFA is. Unfortunately, they have something of a monopoly on the World Cup, so if you want to watch the World Cup,

you have to watch their World Cup, but, you know, it's bad. Wow. I don't think we should start. I genuinely have an ethical con, because It's genuinely an ethical quandary, because if you're someone who loves football, and this is sort of the most exciting time for football, you have to kind of decide whether or not, you know, I guess people make up their own minds

about these kinds of things. But yeah, I came pretty close to not watching the Russian World Cup. So there's a chance I won't watch the Cataw world cup. Love that. Love the ethics of, I almost didn't watch this. So that's how that's how that's how I did turn down a job.

I was offered a job. This is how I, this was the, I think, and to be clear, this is like how everyone makes their own moral negotiations in their head. I was working somewhere at the time that offered to send me to the World Cup, and I said to myself, Michael, you can't go to the World Cup because that's a step too far. But, and then when I was in Australia, I was like, well, I didn't, I was telling myself, well, I didn't go to the World Cup.

So I maybe I can't watch a couple of games. And that was how I just about it to myself, which is not good. I know, I know it's not good. But you know, we all make our own, um, um, hypocritical deals with the devil. You, you in three billion other people it seems all right. Exactly yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're not the problem. Yeah. Okay. Actually I don't know. I really am my friend, Ceplano. I think you seem to think the pun. I am. Well fantastic report. If we want to hear more of uh Michael Hing and Jess Perkins, Hing

and Perko together, you've got your own podcast that we've talked about a bit there. Simply the jest. Where we have callers call in from people call in from all over Australia to tell stories on a topic and Jess Perkins judges them to find the best story on a topic and it's a lot of fun. It's a real fun podcast. The stories are wild. It's people like sitting fight of themselves and shitting themselves. We had a guy who died once, call in because he came back to life. It's like really wild stories because we work for a radio station called Triple J and the people who listen to and that station are loose fucking units. We have no fiat.

Yeah, or control of their bells. Yeah, so we tapped into that for our own podcast and broadcast games. But like every comedian I have a million podcasts, I do another one called Freedom of Good Home with comedian, Bed Jenkins, where we go through the week's internet classified and find really good ones to hang out and chat about. Perkos been a guest on up before. It is very filthy. It is a podcast exclusively for perverts. So unless you're a real,

you know, a little internet pervert, don't subscribe to it. But if you're a nerd, you might also enjoy my Dutchers Dragons podcast, Dragon Friends, that is the most popular thing I do, despite the fact that it's just us playing Dutchers Dragons. It makes no sense to me that it's as big as it is, but people seem to enjoy it.

Nodes seem to enjoy it. And also, yeah, like I said at the top of the show, my TV show, Letters and Numbers, if you're in Australia, you want to watch it October 2nd on SBS. We are looking forward to it. We can't wait. Oh, I'm serious. It's a great show. It's a lot of fun. Oh, thank you. Thank you. And, Hing, thank you so much for joining us. We really appreciate it. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. I'm such a, yeah, such a fan of what you guys do, even though as I said, I don't know if I just said

this on-mic or off-mic. I've listened to a lot of episodes of this podcast, but they are longer than any drive I ever do, so I often don't hear the ends of them. Yeah. Yeah, no one's listening to us talk right now, so it's fine. Exactly. It's, we see the stats on the podcast. Starts real high

and then drops off around 45 minutes in. We'll still do a two hour. The first 30 minutes, we've got to put all the fun stuff in. Yeah. Yeah. The last 45, that's for us. That's what we do. A little thing called personal therapy between all the world. Thank you for having me. It's been a real fun and I'm sorry that wasn't here tonight. I'm sorry for murdering that. Well we will try and resuscitate him. In fact, we might hear from him very soon.

But anyway, thanks so much. See you next time. Bye, mates. Well, now it's time for everybody's favorite section of the show. A little thing that we like to call the fact quote or question, which I believe has a little jingle that goes like this. Fact quote or question. Ding. Oh, we've brought him back to life.

Welcome back, Matt Stewart. How do you feel? Always remembers the ding and always is the one that just killed Hing. Oh, I heard that Hing killed me to get on the show so I had to come back from the dead and killed him to get back on Tehran's sofa part of the show. Yeah. So it is so good to be here. What an honor to have Michael Hing on the show. It's a shame that he contractually only would agree if I wasn't here, but still

nice to know that he's been involved. So I'm looking forward to listening to that. But this last little bit of the show is us thanking our great supporters. They help keep the show running. They have done so for quite a few years now. We appreciate them very much. The first ones we like to shout out to, and I should say if you want to get involved in this, you can go to patreon.com, such do go on pod or do go on pod.com. And if you sign up on the Sydney Sharnberg level, Memorial Rest in Peace edition, you get to give us a factor quote or a question. And I'll read a few of those out each week. This week, the first one comes from Sam Cross, who's given themselves the title of the one true saint supporter of the podcast.

I bow down to you there, Sam. That's cool. I don't mind. I'm so nice to have another saint are involved. It kind of seems like you do mind. I mean, I might a little bit. I think that maybe there's two true supporters. No, it seems like we can be only one. Sam's offered us a question this week, and it is, what is your favorite song from your childhood or teenage years

that you still rock out to when nobody else is listening? Hey now, you're an old star. Get together. Get together. Jess, I'm gonna eat an answer. I mean, genuinely it's probably the darkness. That first album, Push and To Land, is a fantastic album. I believe it's a thing called Love.

Incredible. So yeah, that's probably, I discovered them, my friend Sophie, who I thought was very cool and it still is very cool, but I was just like, wow, she's friends with me and she's very cool. She introduced me to the band in the year 9 and have been a fan ever since. That's mine. That's a good one. Yeah, I guess when no one else is listening,

sort of suggests it's maybe like a slightly guilty pleasure-ish sort of selection. And you should be guilty about that selection. You've also seen the darkness. I love, no, I liked it. We're pretty sure we were at the same gig one time. Yeah, I love those things. I wish there was like, sometimes a wish big brother was around. Yeah. So you could just go to the tape and see, well, look, we brushed past it. Yeah. That gig. That'd be so cool. Whatever it was. Yeah. Amazing. Dave, how about you? I mean, you're always cool. You probably don't have any guilt. Guilty ones, but is there anything you still rock out to from those days? Yeah, totally Matt, I think for me it is my... I wouldn't say it's a guilty pleasure, I would say, but I still absolutely rock out to breathe

by the prodigy. Love that song. I think I found it out. I was like a childhood band, absolutely loved. Come play my game, old testger.. Yeah. Yeah. That's so good. That's one of those songs that I used to sing along to, and I still would know very few of the lyrics. Soko, somatic, got a good fame. Yeah. And then that sound effect. Wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh Yeah, so yeah, some sort of that's a great suggestion. Yeah, love that. When I was in the Greek islands, I was this bar. It wasn't that song was fire starter, but every hour or something,

they'd play fire starter and then all the bartenders would get up on the bar and start doing like a lighting their cocktails and fire serving like fiery cocktails. Every hour, it gets to 9.59, they're like, oh no, it's happening again. It's happening. It's a fire, has it every hour on the hour? Yeah, that's great. I think one that I hadn't thought about in a long time, Dave, but I sent you a clip of recently, what was that song? That really took me back to like Year 7 seven or I don't know when it was.

Oh, the the Atari's. Yeah. It was a real pop punk. Sandemus high. That's called football rules. Yeah. Great track. Yeah. That sort of genre of music really reminds me of like a certain summer in maybe like your 10 or something, somewhere around then. And it was just, you know, those songs are so summery sounding, just happy, even though you listen to lyrics and it's always sad boys, wishing someone else's girlfriend was their girlfriend. It's all nearly all of those songs. And you listen back, oh, they're actually like, man, you need to stop trying to break up your friend's relationship and just go live your

life. But yeah that song is kind of fun. I think you know Pennywise a lot of Pennywise tracks from back then. If I catch one of them they get me going. Great question thanks Sam Cross letting us get a bit nostalgic for a second. Next one comes from Kate Mallory, a.k.a. big boss lady who can now afford to go up a Patreon tier. Love that. Hello. Welcome aboard. Kate says, asking the important questions here. Do you like your Milo cold or hot? Oh, that is an important question. Controversial question though, it is. Yeah, is it a divisive one? I'm nervous to answer. Because I would say instinctively, I say cold, but I also quite like it hot. So, I mean, that's a bit of a cop out. But yeah, generally, I can't have it in the house,

because I would have 89% of my mug would be full of Milo. And then just like a skreet of milk on top. And then I just like, sort of just dunk the spoon underneath. So little bits pop up and I scoop them out and eat them. That milk is just for show. Yeah, really, it's just cover. Now Mum, there's milk in here. Yeah, exactly.

Well, I'm wondering what Jess's controversial answer is going to be. But I will say that I am on team cold 110%. Not a big fan of really any hot drinks, but cold Marla. I love it. My only problem is that I like any milk drink. I love flavoured milks. I drink it too quick and then instantly feel sick and then feel sick for about two hours. But how do you do it, Dave? Do you stir it all up and have a chocolate milk? Great question. So that's also a divisive thing. But what I do is I get my cup.

I put three heaped teaspoons of Marlowein. I fill the milk up about a quarter of the way. Whiz it up till it's sort of semi-paste-like. Top it up to the top, and then spin it round again. And that way you've got a chocolatey drink, but you've also got the crumbly bits over the top. Interesting. And then you drink it down at the top. You can sort of see. And then you drink it down at the end,

you spoon out the bottom and it's like a dessert. Oh, hold it. Okay, that's an interesting way to go. Also on team cold, growing up, we had specific cups that my brother and I would always use as my low cups. They were plastic mugs that he had when he was a kid that once upon a time had the ninja turtles on them. But by the time I was around we only had orange and purple left. They

might have been red for a while, but there was only two for a while. They had no stickers left on them. They were just these crappy little plastic mugs. And yet it would be a heaped thing of Milo. You say three teaspoons, a thousand tablespoons, and then milk, and then you leave it, and then you put the spoon in, you stab the bottom, and it comes up in like bubbles of Milo, and then you eat those.

Oh, that sounds good too, actually. Oh, so good. Both of the ways you have it is in the same ballpark as me, and it's making me real hungry and thirsty which is I think the mile I only can do. But I was just thinking I'm like, is my universal thing? I just looked it up, but apparently it's an Australian invention. Yeah.

So it's possibly, it's possible that a lot of people don't know what we're talking about right now. And I refuse to explain it. I think there's a bonus episode in this. It was launched at the Sydney Royal East to show in 1934. Wow. It's like a malt. It's a chocolate malt.

Yeah, but made from melted barley. Oh, it's delicious. Oh, it's so good. They do a plant-based one. Now, I haven't had Milo. I mean, definitely not since I've moved out of home, but even then, we hadn't had it for a really long time. And I'm so tempted to go get a tin had Milo. I mean, definitely not since I've moved out of home, but even then, we hadn't had it for a really long time and I'm so tempted to go get a tin of Milo.

Maybe a small one that I would get demolished in a day. I had a tin on my desk at work. Oh, that's a good call. Because in the afternoon, you know, you want a little snack and like you said, Matt, you can be hungry and thirsty at the same time and it takes it down, so that was good. But I was having it every day and I had to just throw, you know, finish it and go. That's it. No more. That's enough. Don't replace that team. I didn't.

I've just found actually it's sort of taken over the world a little bit. It's also apparently popular in New Zealand Malaysia, Singapore, Brunei, Pakistan, Philippines, Vietnam, Indonesia, Hong Kong, Sri Lanka, the Maldives, Thailand, Jamaica, Colombia, and countries in Southern Africa, Central Africa, East Africa and West Africa. Wow, popular in those places. Get vague once they go to Africa.

How interesting. Yeah. I think we've got an answer from Kate, because I like to get an answer. If someone asks the question, I love when they answered as well. Kate says, I'm a cold Molo person personally, and also water has no business being near Molo.

I agree with that. Discussing, yeah, no, get it out of there. It's got to be milk. I don't care what kind of milk you drink. It can be any kind of milk, but it can't be water. Yeah. That's where you draw the line. Draw the line. I know, I should say Sam Cross also had an answer

for the song that they still rock out to when no one else is listening. And their one is standout from the goofy movie soundtrack. Oh. I watched that film in the last few years I reckon. And I think it helped it up all right, because it was always like one of the ones that I think it was like, you know, the critics thought it was pretty good. It was sort of an underrated Disney film. And yeah, I was a bit nervous going back to it, but I thought it was

a held up all right. You're a bit nervous? Yeah, and I think I've probably first watched it when I was an adult. So, a boop of nose, here we go. Oh, please, please goofy. I don't want to be let down by the goof. Thanks for that question, Kate, and also Sam. The next one comes from James Cox. It's got the title of the Master of Matching Outfits 2, Electric Bougaloo. And they're offering us a fact, which is,

how do you guys hope you're all coping with the current apocalypse? I thought I'd treat you with a funky, appending gess as approval, of course, animal fact. I don't really dabble in funky facts. Did you think they've been mishearing it all this time? Fun facts, they're here in love monkeys and I love fun. So between us we're funky. Fungus definitely somewhere between fun and grim. I think.

So anyway, the fact from James is did you know that ours are not balls like you would expect, but are actually elongated tubes? Because of this strange eye structure, they can't roll their eyes like humans. They can only look straight ahead. Because of this, these feathered friends had to evolve to be able to turn their heads almost entirely around. I learnt this fact a little while ago and it blew my mind. I just had to share it. Thanks again for all the wonderful entertainment in these less than ideal times and I hope one day in the future we can see live again up in Sydney.

I thanks James. That is a funky fact as far as I'm concerned. And what a shame for ours that they they can never sort of sarcastically roll their eyes in conversation. They can't give sass to their mum who won't let them have a roll-up or go to sleep over. Which is a real amount, what a tease that is, they can't have a roll-up and they can't roll their eyes out at all for them. Oh, it's not like kicking the teeth. Do they have teeth? it. Oh no. Oh, it's awful. It's not like kicking the teeth. Do they have teeth? Yeah, our teeth. Specific our teeth. They're not like normal teeth. They're more like their gums. They do have gums. They have gums. Yeah. I mean, which more like a beak. Yeah, have they got a beak. No. The last one this week comes from Heather Carey, who's given herself the title of most committed

Vegemite pusher in Portland, Oregon. Oh. Important roll over there. Well, next you've got to start pushing the Milo as well. Oh, I get on the Milo. I think Milo would go down very well over in Portland, Oregon. Heather has a question as well. Did you have nicknames as kids?

If so, what and where do they come from? Well, we know Dave's, Cobra. Cobra, thank you. And where did it come from? And I came from. I'm straight from the top of my dime. Thank you so much. Well, what kind of age group we're talking when you say kids?

Hmm. Yeah, I guess we're anything that comes to mind. I was called Routing by uncles, and who still call me that today, because I was an ironic nickname, so I just would sit quietly at big family functions. I was like, oh, I didn't realize that you were so out of control.

The opposite. Like, you know, when you're in your teens and you sort of have to kind of go to the family things and you kind of wanting to be other places and you, you know, you've been a bit of a dickhead probably just just quietly waiting it out. I think that's kind of our remember it. Or maybe I was, I don't know, I was just a bit laid back for whatever. Yeah, right. I'm not sure. Because now I like, I love going on those things. I'll talk to anyone but yeah back then just be a bit way back I've already settled down rady that sort of stuff and yet funny there's still a there's still a bunch of

Michael's will call me and their mates so there's a whole heap of people who who call me that without knowing the origin of it and they probably think you're Rady. Yeah like a lot of them are I never said music festivals and stuff and I, yeah, that fits as a nickname, but little do they know. If it's humble beginnings. Is that a done, Rady? Yeah, really. Do you have any nicknames as a kid other than the ones you gave yourself? Yes, before I rebranded it as Cobra. In primary school, I was known as Mr. Chips.

Mr. Chips goes to Hollywood. Yeah, yeah. It's your favourite movie. The one that you didn't watch at your nands house. Yeah. Which isn't real? Is that right? I merged two together, didn't I? It was good night, Mr. Chips. Or good bye, Mr. Chips. And Mr. Smith goes to Hollywood. That's right. That's so funny that in my memory, I'd made up your nickname. Yeah.

It was because I had just eight chips every day. That's so funny that in my memory I'd made up your nickname. Yeah, it was because I had just eight chips every day. That's honestly my... Mr. Chips. Mr. Chips. There's no twist at all. Is there irony in it? Yeah, I'm sorry that's my... It's not clever.

My when I run it. It was like the Danish kid, uh, extransured from our school's nickname was Denmark. Similar to that. Yeah. Maybe that's even worse, but Mr. Chips I quite like. The Canadian girl at my school was called Canada. Yeah, no one learnt their names.

Great culture over here, don't we? Nickname and culture. We're very strong at it. I haven't been to a fun story with one of my nicknames. It's a, I'm being generous when I call it a nickname. My brother would often call me dopey. Um, because he thought I was it a nickname. My brother would often call me dopey because he thought I was a bit dumb. And when I started uni, like we had to go around the room in one of my English classes and say three interesting things about yourself. And I panicked one time

and I said a couple of things and I was like, my brother calls me dopey and they got a laugh. And this guy in my class called Jim was spent the whole semester calling me Dopey after that. Cut too, a few years later, Jim turns up to like family Christmas because he's dating my cousin Shivan and they're getting married next year. What?

Jim. Yeah. What are you up to see? What are you doing here, Dopey? I don't even know if he actually remembered, but I was like, I remember you because you called me dopey. I'm a whole semester. Isn't that crazy?

We had a class together. Now he's in the fam. Welcome to the fam. Don't ever call me dopey again, I'll fucking kill you. Big brother was real. You could go back and watch those tapes. Amazing. Amazing.

Love that. Thank you so much for those facts and questions from Sam Kate, James and Heather. Now we'd like to thank a few of our other patron supporters. Jess, something that comes up with a little game to do with the topic from today. A bit of a tough one. Could you help me out here, Dave, with this one? So the topic was World Cup. Yeah. And I don't know, like maybe... What about a different world receptacle?

Well, no. Jesus Christ, I'm actually going to do it. I don't say this enough, but I love you. So much. Let's give them a different world receptacle. Let's go. I love those ones. We like, I don't know which way she's going. I don't know. I don't know what she knows. I actually love the energy in the room when you guys don't know which way I'm going

to go. It makes me happy. I thought Matt was about to get kicked off the podcast. I thought I wanted him to. No, I love it, let's do it. All right, well, if I can kick us off, I would love to thank from address unknown, Kyle Williams. Oh, can we only assume it's steep within the fortress?

Can I only assume deeper than the fortress of the moles? Well, uh, down within the fortress of the moles, you know what they need. The world salad bowl! That's good. That's good stuff. That's great. That's a fantastic receptacle. It'll eat a lot of salad down in the fortress, I imagine. Oh yeah, you think? I see.

Salad would be such a tough thing to keep underground. Yeah, I just assumed that there are like rabbits or something needed a bit of roughage. Oh, that's true. And yeah, I guess, wait, is that where salad grows? No, it's just above the ground. Is that where salad grows? I think of salad as big just lettuce of the...

Is salad near the core of the earth? Is that where salad's from? Where's salad come from? Kyle? He can call me Dobie. Kyle enjoy that bowl. That salad bowl. Yeah, right.

Salad bowls are actually that we're so versatile for other things as well. You don't have to just use them for salad. Like having a movie night, track some popcorn in there. Oh my goodness, a popcorn salad. It's just a big bowl. No, Dave, it could just be popcorn. It's just a bowl. Yeah, for salad.

And then you pop popcorn on the top. I love it. Great idea. Oh, it's fucking good. Always thinking. It's fucking good. And the next person I would also like to thank is from, again, the fortress of the malls, I believe, Sven Arance.

Ben Arance. Sven World Bucket. The World Bucket. Pasta World Bucket. Well, I'm feeling a bit sickly. Sven, I'm feeling a bit sickly. Bands best fan feeling a bit sickly. Can you pass the world bucket? Pass the world bucket. Would you?

That's a very good one. I like the world bucket. Yes. No, I was just double checking on the Patreon because I've seen with two in a row. And with the next on three in a row, address unknown. But yeah, it seems to be right. My third one in a row today from the fortress of the mole I'd love to think Hayden Liddell. Actually Hayden Ladel, the world ladle. Oh beautiful. Love a ladle. This is one of the dumbest ones I've ever done, but it's really fun.

The world, the world ladle, I mean, can I have a good stuff? Yes. Do you want to thank some people, Dave? Please, I would like to thank someone from location unknown. Forges of the Mals. Can I only assume deep within the fortress, and that is Justin Holscher, Justin Holscher, who is, of course, possessor of the world ramacan. Oh, yeah, love a ramacan.

You know what, you like ramacans, Dave? Often hold pies. Yes, pies. Oh, is that what a ramacan is? And I like to bake eggs in them too. Oh, yeah. The world ramacan. Have you pulled that out of your head,

or have you Googled some sort of a receptical listicle? Oh, let me come clean. I tried to Google it and would you believe that one doesn't exist? And then I remembered that I love having eggs out of my ramachin. Oh yeah. I don't know what a ramachin is but I love the sound of it. Oh, it's beautiful. It's fun to say.

The world-ramachin. I would like to thank now from Hopkins in Minnesota. I would like to thank Jacob Smith on your Jacob Smith from the world vase vase. That's good. That help you. That's good. He looked at me blank when I said vase. Yeah.

What the hell is that? All of a vase. Vase. I say vase. Yeah, I say vase. Yeah. What the hell is that? Oh, a vase. A vase. I say vase. Yeah, I say vase too, don't worry. Yeah, that's a good one. I mean, that's a good one. How many anything can be a vase? I just googled receptacle and apparently in North America

that's also an electrical socket. Oh. So confusing. I was wondering why all this nine volt stuff was coming up and I was like, piss off, give me the list. What's the illuminati lock me out come on? What about vessel Dave? If you search for liquid vessels or something It's really confusing list of liquid. Am I misusing receptacle? No, no, no

It is the the first definition is a hollow object used to contain something Okay, but then number two is North American and electrical socket. Oh, I've got the list, guys. I've got the list. I've got one ready to go, Dave. Hit me with someone. Uh, finally for me, I would like to thank from Edmund in Oklahoma. It's Jason Wells.

The world hollowed out skull of the slain. Whoa, that's good. That's good. It's not on my list. It's very good. I'm lying to you, I'm thinking like,ain. Whoa, that's good. That's good. It's not on my list. That's very good. I'm lying to you, I'm thinking like, you know what? A viking.

You know, a viking. Yes. One of those viking mugs. Yeah. Brilliant. Love that. Good stuff. Who was that for?

Was that for Jacob? That was for Jason Wells on the Jason. Have you noticed or we've just gone Justin Jacob Jason? Oh, what does it mean? Triple J Jess, that's who you work for. Oh, I'm a night. Confirm. Confirm. Don't leave it or not. When at the end of the episode's den came we just say, believe it. And then walk away slowly. God, that was great. Great show. Good stuff. Is that was that in Lois and Clark? Yeah. Yeah.

And Lois would be like, what? What? Every time. What do you say every time? Believe it. Who are you talking to? Can I thank some people? Yes, please. I would love to thank from Brighton in Minnesota, I'm guessing. Am I? Is that correct? Oh to thank from Brighton in Minnesota, I'm guessing, am I? Is that correct? No, we just had Minnesota, which was MN. Could be Missouri or it could be Michigan. Or Michigan.

Michigan. It's probably Michigan, Oregon. So that'd be the first one alphabetically. It's Michigan. Brighton, Michigan. Glen J. Sims. Ah, Glen J. Sims. The world barrel. Ooh, that's good. You could store Sims. The world barrel.

Oh, that's good. You could store hapsin' a barrel. Yeah, that's fun to say. Yeah. Wow. So, and are these all different soccer tournaments? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yes. They're all these off-brand soccer tournaments. They're like, oh yeah, FIFA, you've got your little World Cup over there. Well, over here, we're playing for the world barrel. Hmm. Which I think we can all agree bigger than a cup. Yep.

So you're keeping a cute little cup. But we're playing for a barrel. Okay. We have emailed Pele. He hasn't replied yet, but we're hopeful. All right. Okay. I would also love to thank from SmiteStale in Victoria.

I've never heard of SmiteStale. SmiteStale. I would love to thank Nicola Loeder. Nicola Loeder. Do you want me to read one from the list? Yeah. What are you loading? What kind of vessel are you loading up?

The world measuring jug. Ooh. How big. One metric cup. Oh, no, three cups in there, at least, Matt. Come on. Oh, it's a jug, sorry. It's a jug.

It's not fucking measuring cup. It's kind of a jug smaller than a cup. You fit about four and a half pots of beer in there. Yeah. What's our knowing that little extra bit of beer? Jolly you'd figure it out to be exactly four or five pots. I mean, frickin' hell. God, my hell.

Freakin' hell, I was like. Yeah, this goes all the way up to the top. Oh, frickin' hell. Freakin' hell, you dogs. And finally, for me, I would love to thank from London in London Rachel hunt Hunt on Rachel hunt for London hair. Oh, yes getting the character. We're kind of receptacle of you got I just want to

Rat barrel oh no Of the years barrel again Where it wrapped to the top is that that enough? The world slightly larger barrel. Rap barrel. I'm coming in cold. You guys have had a hold lineup of an episode. I'm just warming up. Honestly, it's not worse than what I had from the list.

What does you have? The World Cetamentation Tank. I had sack. Oh, sack's good. Yeah, a world sack. Is it, or is rat barrel, oh no, better? Oh no. Oh no. Rat barrel, Oh no. Oh no. Right, that roll. Oh no. My brain said a thing. I just

saw. No. So the only thing we got to do now is to thank our long term tripditch club inductees. The way this normally goes is people who've been on the shout out level for three years straight, shout out level or above, they get entered into the triptage club. So normally, I'm standing at the door of the guest list, I'm going to welcome them in, Dave, hops them up, some of our basing and pun on their place or name, and then just pump them up a little bit as well. Jess, you normally have a cocktail ready? I do, yes. I have a pretty exclusive and a really extensive menu of cocktails or derves, food and services available, but you do have to bribe me in order to have access to them today in fitting with the theme of the episode a lot of corruption.

If you want access to this exclusive list of or derves cocktails services, I'm going to need some big old bribes. This is the first week that I haven't bribed, yes, and that's why she's a lot older. Normally cost me quite a pretty penny. For me to come up with these hypothetical snacks. Yes, Davey normally have a band. Yes, we have, we've got Ricky Martin singing The Cup of Life on repeat. Okay, can I tell you that it was a career highlight of mine

that I played that on Triple J only a few weeks ago. What how? So this is of course the 1998 World Cup song by Rocky Martin. How is it on the Australian National Youth Broadcast? Oh, you mean the ones focused on Australian and new music? On Fridays? Almost anything goes on a Friday. I was doing drive.

And at the start of the drive show on a Friday. I was doing drive. And at the start of the drive show on a Friday, they do what's called the Tree of Dips. And it's like three just like really fun songs back to back. And I ended on, it was like Olympics. I was like, we need sports themed songs. So I ended on that. And it was like, oh, wow, it was so fun.

Well played. Yeah, I felt real good. Very well played. All right, so should I start reading out the names? I should just quickly go back for the other ones we brought in with the shout out before. Rachel, Nicola, Glenn, Jason, Jacob, Justin, Hayden, Sven and Kyle.

But I'm going to read out the names now of the new triptych club inductees. There's a few today, Dave, so you got those pipes warmed up. You ready to go? Oh, let me have a bit of water. Here we go. I've been stretching all episode. Here we go.

I'm ready to hype you up, Dave. You've got this. I believe in you. Let's pump through them. These all deserve all the energy you've got. Here we go. Firstly, from Rochester, New York, in the United States, it's Christopher J. Ford.

Let's go Ford! Not backwards. Yeah, it's like forward, but slightly different. Yes. From Long Beach in California, United States, it's Vanessa Hacke. Oh, not everyone can hack it in here, but Vanessa can. Oh, it's right there for you, perfect. From Hope Town in Victoria, Australia, it's Emily Teesdale. Oh, you know, I was feeling a bit off tonight, but now with you here, Emily, this place feels like Hope Town to me.

Yes. From Beelaya in Western Australia, it's Calum Neverland. Oh, this guy ain't been no liar. He's a truth, though. Yeah, but in the positive sense. Yeah, truth. From Subwitted New South Wales Australians, Halbeth Haywood. Oh, Halbeth, no fury like Halbeth Haywood.

Yeah. Oh my God, incredible stuff. Are you kidding me? From Abbott's Ferd in British Columbia in Canada. It's Matt Peters. Oh, Matt Peters, great to meet you. Oh my God, okay, you lost it a little, but still so good. From Columbus in Georgia in the United States,

it's Detective Herbert Cuffington. Oh, I'd like to report a murder. Oh, hang on. On the dance floor or something? On the, I don't, let's try that again. I'd like to book a murder. On the dance floor. Detective Herbert Carrington coming in. Oh, you're booking a murder. Hello, I like to book a murder

for 9 pm. Yes, a murder for two. I was going to say book him. And I fuck it. At the home, you didn't. It was great. Good job. And finally from New York, New York, the city soon I'll see. Never twice in the United States. It's Camilla Jones. Oh, we've been Jones and Camilla, yeah. Yeah. We did it. Thank you so much to Camilla, Detective Herbert,

Matt Helbert, Calum, Emily, Vanessa and Christopher. Welcome to the club. Welcome to the club one and all. Thank you so much for your support over the years. Much appreciated now. Get in there and start seeing it along to the club. Welcome to the club one and all. Thank you so much for your support over the years. Much appreciated now. Get in there and start singing along to Ricky Martin. If you don't know the lyrics, you will after he sings it on repeat for four or five hours. Here we go.

Etc. Etc. We don't know. We kind of fold the rights here, but in the club we can. So yeah, thanks to everyone that supports us on dogoon pod.com or patreon.com slash do go on pod. It is much appreciated. You get a bunch of bonus stuff, including our three bonus episodes a month of you would like to hear more of us talking. But I guess until next week, that is the end of us talking. You can hit up that website if you want to get links to our Facebook, Twitter and

Instagram, which is at do go on pod or do go on pod at gmail.com. But I guess until next time, is there anything left to say? Yeah, well, blocks coming up so quick now, it's only one. Yeah, next week, I don't think next week's going to be block or might be, maybe we will. We don't know. The voting might still be open. We're not sure, but block is happening starting next week of the week after. We're not sure if we're annexing the end of September or not this year.

It is the most wonderful time of year. Happy block, everyone. Happy block, a beautiful time. Well, until next time, we'll say thank you so much for listening and goodbye. Later. Bye. Bye!

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