Two In The Think Tank - 312 - The Life of JFK

Episode Date: October 13, 2021

John F. Kennedy is the youngest person to be elected as President Of The United States. On this episode we track his meteoric rise from a childhood racked with illness through to becoming the most powerful man in the world. On next week's episode we'll cover his assassination and the conspiracy theories tied to that tragic event. Get tickets to our Chrish-Mish live show (or add your now to thewait list as more tickets will be released soon when restrictions are lifted)https://tccinc.sales.ticketsearch.com/sales/salesevent/16186 Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: dogoonpod.com or patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Stream our 300th episode with extra quiz (and 16 other episodeswith bonus content): https://sospresents.com/authors/dogoon Check out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​ REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:JFK, four part series:https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3154424/ https://www.history.com/news/joseph-kennedy-wealth-alcohol-prohibition https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/americanexperience/features/kennedy-wealth/ https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-kennedy-idUSKBN18M0CH https://www.specialolympics.org/stories/news/rosemary-kennedy-inspiration-and-revelationhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosemary_Kennedy#Later_life https://www.britannica.com/biography/Joseph-P-Kennedy  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_P._Kennedy_Sr.https://allthatsinteresting.com/rosemary-kennedy-lobotomy Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Just jumping in really quickly at the start of today's episode to tell you about some upcoming opportunities to see us live in the flesh. And you can see us live at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2024. We are doing three live podcasts on Sundays at 3.30 at Basement Comedy Club, April 7, 14 and 21. You can get tickets at dogo1pod.com. Matt, you're also doing some shows around the country. That's right. I'm doing shows with Saren Jayamana, who's been on the show before. We're going to be in Perth in January, Adelaide in February, Melbourne through the festival in April, and then Brisbane after that. I'm also doing Who Knew It's in Perth and Adelaide. Details for all that stuff at mattstuartcomedy.com.

We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On.

My name is Dave Warnke and as always I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. Hello. Hey, how's it going? Good. Good, thanks. Happy block, guys. It's week two of block. I can't believe it.

I am on a month-long block bender. Block bender. I have not been home since our last episode. I'm wearing the same clothes. I got glow sticks. I don't even know where from. Probably from one of the many block festivals happening around the country and the world.

Yeah. And you're saying month long. What, are you cutting it short? Because this block is two months long. I think of block as one month and that block month can go for any amount of time. Yeah, because essentially a month is a social construct, you know. Time is meaningless.

And money. No, money is filled with meaning. Okay. Money has so much meaning. Money is power. Ah, first you get the women, then you get the power, then you get the honey. Exactly right. No, sugar. sugar oh i fucked that up anyway so uh new listeners block is the time of year where we do the most voted for most requested topics of all time before we get into that though

uh we've got a quick plug to make we're back live for our christmas special we do one of these every year last year i think it was just a live stream. We weren't able to have a live audience. But this year we're allowed a live audience again. We're back, babies. We are so excited. It's happening on December the 19th in Melbourne town at the Comedy Republic. There will be a link in the show notes for you to come along. Last time I checked, there weren't many tickets left.

I'm recording this ahead of time. This isn't live, this podcast. Are you in the future or am I in the future? We're both in the past, Dave. Oh, my God. But, yeah, if there are still tickets available, check it out via the link in the show notes. It's going to be so much fun.

We wish you all a Merry Christmas. Well, we will wish you a Merry Christmas at that time. That's right. Right now. It's blockness right now. Yeah, right now we only have eyes for block. That's right. Dave, can you quickly explain how this show works?

Well, thank you, Matt. What we do here is we take it in turns to report on a topic often suggested to us by one of the listeners. We go away, do a bit of research, bring it back to the class in the form of a report, and it is my turn to do the second most requested topic for Blockbustertober 2021. That is not true. The second least requested topic of Blockbustertober. That's also not true. There's eight episodes. Okay. And this is the second of those. But if I'm correct, Block's a weird time because normally we don't know what the topics are going to be.

But during Block, I put the vote up. I help Jess and Dave know what topics they're going to do. I might have to sit out of this question because I know what this is going to be. And Dave and I have talked. And it's part of the reason why Block's going for two months is because this one is a special blockbuster massive episode. Is that right, Dave?

That's right. We'll get to that in one minute. But before we do that, Jess, my question for you is who is the youngest person to be elected as President of the United States of America? The youngest. Youngest person. I can't not vote. It's Ronald McDonald.

No. He went from Hollywood and then he somehow transitioned into politics. People said, how could it be done? Ronald McDonald? Ronald Reagan. Sorry, Ronald Reagan. Okay, okay. And he's the oldest, isn't he, not the youngest?

The oldest is, in fact, Mr Joe Biden. He's the oldest because that was my answer for youngest. So that is embarrassing. Yeah, that's the opposite end of the scale. Youngest. Age is just a number to me though. Do you know what I think? Age is a social construct.

I think age is meaningless. Once again, I think all meaning comes back to money. Well, this person had a shitload of money, so it makes sense. Okay. A Richie Rich type. Was it Macaulay Culkin? It's his dad. His dad. JFK. His dad. John F. Kennedy. Yes. He was the youngest ever. That's surprising. For some reason, I assumed back when people died young, it must have been back then, you know, 200 years ago. Yeah. Back when people died at 32. He was 14.

Yeah. He was already a bit old for the job, but they thought, he's got the experience. AFK. He was 43 years old when elected. Did you know that to be President of the United States there is a rule that you have to be 35 or older? Ah.

Oh. How old was Barack Obama? Do you know? Late 40s? Yeah, okay. To be president, yeah, and that's always been the rule as well. Since the time of George Washington, a presidential candidate must be a natural-born citizen of the United States, a resident for 14 years, and be 35 years of age or older.

Oh, Dave, can I, on a point of order, I've just looked up a list here which suggests Theodore Roosevelt was the youngest president at the start of their presidency. Oh, my God. He is the youngest ever president but not the youngest ever president to be elected. Oh. Hang on a second.

I need to explain what we just saw. A very early fact check from one Matt Stewart thinking of gotcha, little Dave, and Dave coming straight back with a left hook and a fuck you. Sorry to say, Matt, that our mate William McKinley was assassinated in 1901 and Teddy Roosevelt took over at 42. Oh, there you go.

And Bill Clinton seems to come in at number three or two if you're going for the time of election. Yeah, right. Yeah. How interesting. All right, JFK, a big topic. A very big topic and suggested by many people, including a big shout out to these people that have suggested I, JFK, a big topic. A very big topic and suggested by many people, including a big shout out to these people that have suggested

I cover JFK in one way or another. Jack Lassure, Amelia Ulmer, Max Palumbella, Jessica Villareal, Will Schoenmaker, Therese Peterson, Augie Romo-Kattig, Daniel from Thousand Oaks, California, just so you know who you are. We've got Muley, David Malofsky, Ari Katz, Elvin Nienger, Sam Jones, Hussain Mehdi, and this is all one name, Nicholas Columbus Flanders Farmer. Holy moly. Get out of town.

Amazing. I appreciate it. Because, honestly, this is such a blockbuster topic. But only the second time in the history of this podcast i'm going to split this into two separate reports it's that big it's too big for block for one the only time i've ever done that before was the world war one arguably also a pretty big topic bit to. Bit to cover. He lived 11 times as long as World War I. That was quick maths.

Holy shit. That's some quick maths right there. Well, let me tell you, he lived 11 times longer. So, you know, it is such a big topic. Obviously he's a very, very famous figure from the 20th century and this week we'll focus on JFK's early life and rise to the presidency. The next week we'll, spoiler alert, look at his assassination. Wait, what?

Sorry to jump ahead. What? I'm afraid it doesn't end well, this one. Well, congratulations, Dave. Now I'm not paying attention to this whole fucking report. The early stuff's interesting, I swear. Yes, you've really got to understand Dave's an auteur of podcasting. He'll often, one of his trademarks is he'll start with the end

and then he'll work his way back to that. I don't hate it when movies do that, especially when there's, like, a little bit of a twist. But other times you're like, well, I know you die because you told me at the start, you know? Yeah, how are you still narrating if you're dead? Yeah, okay. Yeah.

That's me yelling at the screen and being asked to leave the cinema. That's me being asked to leave the lounge room. You're really going to try a cinema one time. You'll love it. And not Gold Class where you order a curry. Okay, like that's a weird thing that only I've done even though I've asked a lot of people. We all do it.

It's a very cultural thing down here in Australia. A movie curry. Before Dave starts, I need to reset a little bit. Of course, it's a Dave report, which means Matt and Jess become the sass twins, and I've given you a bit of sass already tonight, Matt, so I need to apologise, reset, and now if you'll have me, can we gang up on Dave, please? I do not agree to this. You don't have to,

you little bitch. Oh, okay. We're recording quite late at night and I'm already losing it. All right, so John Fitzgerald Kennedy. Okay, I thought it was John Felicia Kennedy. So that's the first thing I've learnt today. I always thought it was John fucking Kennedy. All right. Smacked you in the face. That would have been so good.

I always thought it was John Fauga Kennedy. So, you know, we've all learnt something today, I guess. They were like, it's a bit wordy. Let's shorten it. They're like, I's a bit wordy. Let's shorten it. They're like, I don't know if it's entirely appropriate for a president. We're going to have to change your name. So, John Fitzgerald Kennedy. It's a good one for trivia, honestly.

We want to know if people write Frederick or whatever. Fitzgerald. All right. He was born on May 29, 1917 in Brookline, Massachusetts. How do I say it properly, Matt? Massachusetts. Thank you. I say it properly, Matt? Massachusetts. Thank you. Great to have you here.

You've got to pronounce some letters that aren't there and some that are and then leave some out. Yeah. I think that's the key. Come on, Dave. That's such an easy thing to remember. Hey, I don't have to remember it because I'm always with him. You two are.

Yeah, joined at the hip. It's very sweet and also a little excluding. Sorry, do you feel excluded? Yeah. Our hips are joined at the hip. It's very sweet and also a little excluding. Sorry, do you feel excluded? Our hips are joined? Oh, you guys are going to the toilet. Can I come? All you have to do is ask. We'd say yes.

We're very weird. Okay, so before we get to the life of John fucking Kennedy, we have to talk about his parents who would have a profound influence on John and the whole Kennedy clan. This is the beginning of an empire, honestly, the closest the USA will ever get to having a royal family. JFK's mother, Rose Fitzgerald, born in 1890, was a staunch Catholic and grew up in a wealthy and political Irish-American household.

Her father, John F Fitzgerald, was the mayor of Boston nicknamed Honey Fitz. Honey Fitz. Yeah. I think I love it. That is a great, yeah, it sounds like a great drink to have at a little cocktail bar. Sweet but refreshing.

Make man a Honey Fitz. Yeah. But am I noticing there that neither of them have Kennedy as a surname? Oh, so that's his mother. That's why. So Fitzgerald is the mother's maiden name. Sorry, I thought that was his two parents. No.

No, so his grandfather was Honey Fitz, his mum's dad. We're getting bogged down in important stuff early. As we always do. Hey, if you're confused, there's probably someone else out there thinking the same thing. Yes, but what star sign was he? Oh, Gemini maybe, I'm guessing. His father, this is the dad, this is the Kennedy,

Joseph Patrick Kennedy, was born in Boston in 1888 and was the son of a Bay State politician and a grandson of an Irish immigrant. So there's Irish and politics on both sides of the family and Catholicism. Very important, actually. Politics runs in my family. That's right.

No, sorry, Irish. Prime Minister blood. Irish and, oh, yeah, fuck yeah. And Catholicism too, right? Yes, yeah. Big time. Whoa! I was actually elected into the Year 9 Student Body Council, or whatever it's called.

Congratulations. Did you run on that platform? I'd like to be elected to whatever this thing's called. Yeah, I think that's what I was. Yeah, there was another guy in there who got in on saying he'd get a deep fryer in the can was. Yeah, there was another guy in there who got in on saying he'd get a deep fryer in the canteen. It never happened.

Never happened. Mate, you're a blowhard. That's what I said at the SRC meetings. You're a blowhard, mate. No, I honestly would not have ever said a single word at one of those council meetings. When I was in year seven, a guy that was running for school captain said, if I become school captain, I'll grow an afro.

And he won. That's good stuff. And he grew an afro, so he followed through. Okay, good, good, good, good. Did not put a deep fryer in the canteen, though. I managed to be elected to leadership positions in both primary and secondary school without having to stoop to false promises or novelty. I was elected based on merit and my peers could see I had natural

leadership skills, which I, of course, have lost as an adult. Real follower. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, what do you guys want? All right. That's because I developed anxiety, okay? All right, sheeple. Okay, so it's the making of a dynasty and it will become one because Rose and Joseph, who are JFK's parents,

married in 1914 after a long courtship which may have had something to do with Rose's father's disdain for Joseph Kennedy. Oh, disdain. Yeah, did not like him. That's not good. And if you're wondering what kind of animal Joe Kennedy looks like, well, to quote from the long-trusted and respected source. Oh, can we guess?

Yes. Beaver. Llama. Moose. Coyote. Skunk. This is in the words of Britannica. What would Britannica compare a man to?

A horse. Aunk. This is in the words of Britannica. What would Britannica compare a man to? A horse. A horse. Lion. A... Oh, no, but I think he's... Is he ugly? Britannica. So you're saying it's a British animal?

No, I'm just saying that this is like supposedly a trusted and respected source and still they use this, which I love. It says, Kennedy was a freckled, vigorous man whose horn-rimmed glasses gave him a slightly owl-ish look. Owl. Owl. Wise old owl. He looks like an owl.

Ironically, owls are real stupid apparently. Yeah, apparently they're dumb. But he could twist his neck many, many degrees. Because their eyes are real long. That's why they need the neck thing. They don't have round eyes apparently. Is that something we learned on this show? What a pack of absolute freaks.

A freak show. Well, he looks like one. I think we learned that on the fact, quote, or question section of the show. Yeah, we might have, yeah. In recent times. Long-eyed owls. You long-eyed freaks. Well, this owl was an extremely successful businessman.

The Harvard graduate became the youngest president of an American bank at just 25 and he was a millionaire by 30 and from there he just kept making millions. Wow. And this is back when a millionaire meant something. Not like today. We're all millionaires now. Back when a million was an impressive amount of money

and that could, you know, buy you multiple properties and not just one fixer-upper. Not just one, quote-unquote, piece of shit. And that's what the real estate agent said. So you know it's bad. It's just a drop toilet. But it's in Richmond. I'd love to live in Richmond.

You can see the MCG. It cost me money to sell this piece of shit. live in Richmond. You can see the MCG. It cost me money to sell this piece of shit. But the Al, Joe Kennedy, made money on the stock market, mastering the art of stock exchange manipulation.

Still don't know what that is, but he was real good at it. Sounds dodgy. Yeah, I think it was a little bit dodgy. Sort of making stocks crash, all that sort of stuff. Shorting things. The stock market crashed in 1929 and lots of people lost their fortunes. Huge, huge crash. Started the Great Depression, all that sort of stuff.

But not Joseph Kennedy. He'd already taken his money out by then. He foresaw... That's sounding very shady. He foresaw that stocks were overpriced and that everyone was buying in and that a collapse was on the horizon. Supposedly, he said that he knew it was time to get out of the market when he received stock tips from a shoeshine boy.

Oh, wow. He went, well, everyone's talking about this. I'm getting out. So he sounds like he's pretty smart because I've tried to understand stock and I don't get it. But I am an idiot. You've just got to buy low and sell high or something like that. Or the other way around.

What does that mean? Look, Jess, I'll explain this to you, little lady. What you've got is stocks, like little bits and bobs you buy on the internet. Sorry, can you, like, use the metaphor of shoes, something I understand? Shoes. Okay, there you go. You want to buy a pair of stocks, buy a pair of shoes, okay? Want to make sure they're the right fit.

Yes. Is that your toe? Is that your big toe? Yes. Well, this stock needs to be a little bigger. I'll get you. I'll see. I've got another pair out the back.

Okay. Another pair of Birkin stocks out the back. Yes. And we'll try these on for now you've got a little bit of room to grow. Oh. Importantly. I can't walk in these. Because that's what stocks are all about.

You need to be able to walk in these. You don't want to have sore feet at the end of the day. You get it? Yes. Because I want this to be over. I think I'm going to buy stocks in Foot Locker. That's what I get for this. I guess.

Yeah, I don't understand stocks. Well, I was going to say like Matt, Joe Kennedy. He did understand stock. Because to quote from History.com, when everyone else lost their shirts on Black Tuesday, Kennedy walked away richer than ever. He had like six shirts. Yeah. He was like, I've nearly

got one for every day of the week. I'm shirt wealthy. Sundays I tend to just like, I don't know, stick to like a singlet. I'm nude on Sunday. Yes, if it's warm. This is going to be such a long report and we are fucking around so much. Sorry, this is the preamble, everybody.

Tits out Tuesday for me. If I've got a shirt for mass, it's tits out Tuesdays. Yeah, you're absolutely right. Tits out Tuesdays. So the profits he made from stock set him and his family up for the rest of their lives and, to be honest, many generations to come. He bought a failing Hollywood movie studio in the 20s and pumped out inexpensive B movies, making even more money.

But even before Jerry Seinfeld. Seinfeld is a hack. He ripped off Kennedy. In the fall of 1933, when it became clear that Prohibition was soon going to be overturned, Joe Kennedy used his already substantial wealth and political connections to land exclusive contracts to import high-end Scotch whiskey and gin from the United Kingdom.

He knew that when Prohibition ended, everyone would be lining up for a drink and he'd be there to exclusively sell it to them. Fucking hell. So even more money was made there, tens of millions. He's good. Just to give you an idea of his wealth, which sort of propels this whole story, he owned the largest privately owned building in the United States of America, Chicago's Merchandise Mart, this giant art deco factory,

which is so, so big. And they only sold it in the 90s. When he died in 1969, the New York Times estimated that his net worth was $500 million, which is almost $4 billion US today. Wow. He was very rich. That's a lot of moolah.

In the 1930s, he set up trust funds for all of his children, meaning they'd inherit $10 million each, which is equivalent to $100 million today. Not a bad start. Nice little Bunsen burner. I think the good thing about that is the kids will learn the worth of money and hard work and all that sort of stuff. Like you help them, but they still have to help themselves.

Yeah, don't give them too much. If you give them a big head start, they'll be nightmares. As a parent, you obviously want to help your child in any way you can, but you want them to be a fully rounded person. Yes. So if you just give them an easy 100 mil, they can put a deposit down on their first house. Enrichment.

Look at starting their families and then build from there. You know, you've given them like a boost without just handing everything to them. And I think that's the absolute dream for a parent. Good work, Joe the owl. Well, I mean, you commit to giving each kid $10 million or $100 million in today's money. But then does it get a little awkward when him and Rose go on to have nine children together? So you're looking at a billion dollar outlay. You're like, fuck, this is a lot of money. Wouldn't that be something in the back of your mind when you're, you know, you're in the boudoir? Yeah. Can we afford this? This is a

very expensive route. This route just cost me a hundred million. Absolutely worth it. That was fantastic. Thank you, Rose. Thank you. Thank you so much. Up the butt no billions. But no billions. So there was nine of these kids. First there was Joe Jr. Our main character, John, came next, JFK's number two. Okay. So far every name has been a J-O name.

Yeah. He's running out soon, surely. Yeah, sadly. Then it was Rosemary. Then Kathleen, known as Kick. Don't love her. Kick. Oh, I like that. Kick.

Kick's great. Not Kit, Kick. Kick. Fuck, that's great. Then we have Eunice. No, terrible. That's how she got out of the womb. She kicked her way out.

Eunice, that's shocking. She unicycled her way out and they went, close enough. You go from like Rosemary. Rosemary was the other one? Yeah, Rosemary's number three. Rosemary, John, Kick, Eunice. Sorry, Eunice. Sorry, Eunice.

Eunice. Then we've got Patricia. Okay. Then Robert or Bobby Kennedy. Yes. Also known as RFK. Then we've got Jean, second youngest, and finally Edward or Teddy Kennedy. So looking back, we've got five daughters and four sons for the Kennedys.

And when John came along in 1917, he was the second oldest after Joe Jr. PBS sums up the four things that defined the Kennedy family. Fantastic wealth, Roman Catholicism, democratic politics, and patriarchal control. Oh. Joe Sr. obsessed over every detail of his kids' lives, a rarity for a father at the time. So positive in one sense that he actually took some interest,

but negative that it was almost certainly toxic input. Yeah, really controlling. Very. What, he's got to get something back for his 10 mil. True. I's true. I own you. If I'm going to invest, all my children are my little businesses. He does a little bit of like a Shark Tank episode with his kids.

They're pitching their lives to him. So you want to be a teacher? No. No. How are you going to afford the upkeep on that Richmond shithole? Get out of my sight. That literal shithole. So Joseph demanded intense physical and intellectual competition amongst his nine children.

They would play sports and debate politics at the dinner table. He wanted to instil in them that winning was everything. At the end of the school year, the Kennedy children would go to their summer home, popularly called the Kennedy Compound at Hyannis Port on Cape Cod, where they enjoyed swimming, sailing and playing touch football,

which sounds majestic and fun for a family, but it wasn't all fun and games. Biography.com writes, he entered his children in swimming and sailing competitions and chided them for finishing in anything but first place. John's sister Eunice later recalled, I was 24 before I knew I didn't have to win

something every day, end quote. I mean, Eunice, obviously a large part of that is your father, but I mean with the name Eunice. Sorry, Eunice. You lose something every day. Really did well to win something every day with the name Eunice for so long. Keep that straight up to 24. I think that I'm just realising why my life hasn't been a success. My parents didn't instil in me that winning is everything. I recall them mentioning that it's something, but they never said it was everything.

That's the difference. That's why I'm the never said it was everything. That's the difference. That's why I'm the loser you see before you. I remember seeing an ad for like a documentary about stage mums or like parents that have really pushed their kids to do big things and I commented to Dad, I was like, you should have done that to me and I could have been something. And he was like, Jess, you know that wouldn't have worked. You have to be tricked into doing things.

And he's absolutely right. I have to be told, no, you couldn't possibly do that. And I'm like, oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? But if you say, Jess, I believe in you, you can do anything, I'm like, ah, get fucked. So I would not have done well with the Kennedy kids. We did trick you into doing this podcast.

Yeah, you told me I couldn't possibly do it. Jess Perkins or podcast? Doubt it. Bet you couldn't do 312 episodes in a row of this shit. And I haven't. That's right. You've missed a couple. PBS describes Joe Senior as he drove his nine children to compete

and to win with the same relentlessness that he pursued money and beautiful women, also a bit of a sleazebag. His wife, Rose, had her own obsession, and that was maintaining the Kennedys' image as the perfect family, despite her husband's indiscretions and infidelities. And honestly, when you combine relentlessness with a perfect image and you cap it off with unimaginable wealth, surely you have a recipe for political success. And on paper, there is no arguing that the political recipe paid off

because at least one Kennedy has held the role of congressman, senator, ambassador, mayor, SEC chairman, state representative, city councilman,, of course, President of the United States of America. But sadly, the combination of ambition for wealth and success also turned out to be a bit of a vector for tragedy. Joseph, who pushed his family so hard, would outlive four of his children and needlessly ruin the life of another. Fuck. So we're going to talk about the Kennedy family focusing on JFK.

Oh, outliving four of your kids. Fucking hell. Yeah. I guess that's why you have nine. Yeah. Five backups. Just in case. My mum's one of nine, and I'll tell you who the backups are.

On or off pod? My parents listen, so. We'll make that a Patreon bonus episode. My uncle is a patron of ours, so. So you can't do a Patreon bonus episode. Ranking my uncles and aunts. No, I love them all very much. Okay, so JFK was known to his family and friends not as John but as Jack.

Everyone called him Jack Kennedy. And despite his list of many privileges, it wasn't an easy childhood, suffering from a myriad of illnesses and ailments. At two, he nearly died of scarlet fever. Then he also caught a whooping cough, measles, chicken pox, and a couple of other things, which were all pretty much deadly 100 years ago. So he was in the wars. Imagine if there was some sort of medicine you could give to prevent those sorts of diseases. Tell him he's dreaming. He was later diagnosed with a rare endocrine disorder

called Addison's disease, which plagued him for his whole life. He was frequently in pain and often spent months in hospital and a couple of times came close to death. Holy shit. He sounds like, yeah, it's amazing that he had so many illnesses, but obviously pretty tough to be able to deal with them all. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. A couple of people in his later life say that, you know, people would give him shit or whatever, but they didn't like, you know, as they do to any candidate for anything, but they don't know how hard it is for him just to get out of bed in the morning, let alone.

He becomes a relentless campaigner with so much energy given. It is impressive. I guess it is that drive probably instilled by our old allies. Well, success is everything. No, winning is everything. Money. Success is nothing. Sorry, yeah, the Kennedys think winning is everything,

but Perko, all about the cash. Damn right. To quote from JFK's presidential library, Jack was never very healthy and because he was always suffering from one ailment or another, his family used to joke about the great risk a mosquito took in biting him. With some of his blood, the mosquito was almost sure to die. That's a good bit.

That is a good bit. That's from the official presidential library. Don't you... These ailments would not affect just his childhood, but his entire life. He carried them through. His biggest rivalry was with his older brother, Joe, who he would often compete against and wrestle with.

Joe, being two years older than the sickly Jack, would almost always get the upper hand. So that was a source of tension. And despite having obvious intelligence, during the rare times Jack applied himself, he wasn't exactly a model student. He went to Choate, which I heard on a documentary with someone with an accent. I thought they kept saying that he went to Choate, and I thought that's really funny. That's where I went.

Yeah, big time. I studied at Choate. The wider the better. So he went to Choate, which is an elite preparatory boarding academy in Connecticut where he was a magnet for troublemakers. Often acting out to make others laugh, the young Kennedy infuriated the school's headmaster by organising pranks as a member of the unofficial school club called the Muckers.

The Muckers. The Muckers. That suckers. I bet they really stuck it up, that crusty old dean. That crusty old dean. The Muckers took its name from a speech in which the principal told off the pranksters using the label applied to Irish immigrants whose only work was shoveling up horse manure.

Ah. So they're called muckers. But rather than being offended, the boys embraced the name, commissioning gold shovel pins and hatching a plot to pile horse manure in the school gymnasium. So he's a bit of a prankster. Pages from a teenage scrapbook were exhibited in celebration of what would have been his 100th birthday in 2017. And one entry from when he was 17 reads,

got shot at today for calling an old farmer a bad name. Almost got hit, end quote. Beautiful. And despite his later fame as an incredible public speaker, he never got higher than the middle of the road grade of C plus in public speaking, which is, you know, funny for someone who would go on to be one of the best of the 20th century.

My brother failed woodwork. And what does he do for a job now? He's one of the best carpenters of the 20th century. Often the way. I failed sex ed and what can I say? Still a virgin. Still don't know how it works. But, no, I know everything about it, but I've never done it.

Imagine getting your kid's, like, report card home. It's straight A's except for sex ed where it's like D. Yeah. You want to get the D in sex ed. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. In fact, Jack got pretty mediocre grades across the board and his father worried that Jack wasn't going to achieve

his true potential. His brother Joe, however, who is in competition with everything, was a much better student getting better academic results. The other distraction in JFK's life that would continue until his last day was his romantic pursuits. He was always chasing girls and to quote one historian that I saw in a documentary, quote, even in high school his roster of conquest was a source of wonderment.

I thought that was a weird way to talk about a teenager's love life. Yeah, it feels weird for teenagers, doesn't it? Yeah. Who's this historian? I understand now why you didn't name them. Yeah. Let's just say he went to Chode. So he's a real player with the ladies, shall we say,

and even this was encouraged by his father, himself a well-known philanderer who had many affairs. He reportedly told his sons to get laid as often as they could and Jack Kennedy really listened to this advice. Remember? Whatever Dad says goes. And he listened. Imagine your dad telling you that. Yeah.

And you're looking at your dad going, no one kids, Dad. Apparently his dad would flirt with their girlfriends too. Creepy. Oh. Oh, wow. Allies. Oh, allies. After Jack graduated from short, he briefly attended Princeton,

but eventually went to Harvard in 1936 where Joe, his brother, was already a student. Haven. Haven. He went to Haven. So I'm picturing him with like a sweater tied around his shoulder, pop color on the polo shirt. Big time. Yeah. That's what we're thinking. Yeah. Yeah. Playing a bit of polo on the weekends. Yeah, real Ken doll hair. And because of like, you know, the wealth of the family, when I've watched so many documentaries this week, but there's lots of great footage of him when he's young because I imagine that in the 30s, the 40s,

the 50s, not many people have a home video camera, but they did. Yeah. They didn't have a home video camera. Steven Spielberg himself shot their videos. He worked for the family. And the Academy Award for Best Home Video goes to... That's how Steven Spielberg got his start. Not many people know that.

JFK inspired Jaws. We have to get a bigger boat. Something he'd once said. That's true. And also the only thing I know about Jaws. Oh, you got it. Hopefully I quoted that right. You nailed it.

Thank you. That's beautiful stuff. Oh, you got it. Hopefully I quoted that right. You nailed it. Thank you. That's beautiful stuff. A great impression. Honestly. Yeah, but it's funny. Like you say, Matt, this home video that I've seen quite a bit of this week, he is wearing exactly what you're imagining, driving like sports cars with the top off, that kind of stuff.

His shirt off. Must be Tuesday. Yeah. Shirts in the wall. So he went to Harvard 1936 to compete against his brother, the guy he's living in the shadow of. And like his brother Joe, Jack played football, but he was not as good of an athlete as Joe,

but he had a lot of determination and perseverance. Unfortunately, one day whilst playing, he ruptured a disc in his spine. Oh, man. Jack really never recovered from this accident, and this gave him back pain for the rest of his life. Oh, man. Holy shit. I've never heard of Joe, I don't think, which makes me feel like he might be one of the four. Had you heard of Eunice? No, I hadn't heard of Eunice either, actually.

What about Kathleen? But at this point of his life, it's Joe and Jack competing and Joe's winning everything and Jack's just getting, like, collecting injuries and illnesses. That's what they award the presidency based on. Sickest kid wins. Did you say thickest or sickest? Yes, that makes sense.

He's also thickest based on his score results. He went to Chode. Yes, that makes sense. He's also thickest based on his score. He went to Chode. Chode's not an Australian term, is it? No. That's a universal one. Is that a universal?

I think that might be a universal one, Chode. Even though I don't look it up, but do not hit images. You don't want to see Dave's private collection. I've got a monopoly on chode. They're mine. Get away. Get away. Copyright.

Don't look at them. They're mine. My little chodes. My little chode army. My little chodes. We're in discussion with Mattel about it. My little chode. My little chode.

They've all got fun little eyes and mouths on them. Yeah. Some of them have wings and fly. Herpy doves. That's right. We did a whole episode on My Little Pony's way back. I wish I could remember more of their names. I remember nothing.

Oh, they've only just got herpy doves. The Spurs are very good. I'm on delay over here. I'm on delay over here. On delay, on delay. On delay. I hate myself. No, I applaud you.

Guys, we've got a few new listeners that were serious political operators, okay? We've got to be on our best behaviour. They just want to hear about a tragic life and we are having a little too much fun. Again from JFK Library. It was Joe, remember the older brother, who had announced to everyone when he was a young boy that he would be the first Catholic to become president.

No one doubted him for a moment. Jack, on the other hand, seemed somewhat less ambitious. He was active in student groups and sports and he worked hard in his history and government classes, though his grades remained only average. That's a really interesting one, Dave, the first Catholic. Because you think, so what, are the presidents prior not religious or are they Protestants or are they from other Christian churches or other churches?

A lot of Protestantism was rife. It's so interesting that, yeah, that the further back you go, how the lines that are divided are more like you go, wait, you'd have to explain to me the difference between Protestants and Catholic, and I grew up Catholic. Yeah. I think Protestants call it reverends and Catholics call it priests, but it's vaguely the same.

It's all Jesus. That's so funny. It's like we're not going to elect a Catholic. Yeah. They call their reverends priests. No way. Yeah. Not on my watch.

But, yeah, that's interesting. So right up until what, the 60s or something or 50s there hadn't been a. Yeah, never a Catholic president. And I think even since then there haven't been a heap of them. Yeah, I'm looking at Joe Biden is. Oh, that's right. That's why it was. That's why I heard about that.

Yeah, he might be the first one since JFK even. Yeah, it looks like those two are the only in history. Wow. And it looking like, yeah, it looks like those two are the only in history. Wow. And it's looking like, yeah, it's like 80% Protestant. A couple of others and then no affiliation or none specified early on for Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln and Andrew Johnson. Is that why, you know, like you were talking about how Irish Catholics were being called muckers?

Yeah. Is it like there used to be and maybe still is some prejudice against Catholic people in politics? In the United States, especially this time, it was seen as the biggest thing between the Kennedys and the presidency. Yeah, right. There you go.

Big, big deal. In 1937, Joe Senior, the patriarch of the family, was appointed United States ambassador to England and moved the whole family to London. Only Joe and Jack stayed behind as they were still studying at Harvard. Harvard. And this is when Franklin D. Roosevelt was president. This prestigious post for their dad opened new social avenues

to the Kennedy family. Europe was a very politically fraught and interesting place during the late 1930s with Hitler already in power and worrying many with what he had planned. Full-scale war was on the cards. And Jack's father's appointment as ambassador to England gave him a front row seat to all of this

and really stoked in him an interest in European politics and world affairs, both international and marriage. He visited his father in his freshman year and visited Mussolini's Italy and Hitler's Germany. He questioned refugees from the Spanish Civil War about conditions under their dictator Franco. Then two years later, as things were heating up even more, he travelled to France, Poland, Latvia, Turkey, Palestine,

Russia and Germany. Wow. Using his father's connections, JFK was able to stay in ambassadors' homes for the majority of his trip and he sent detailed reports to Joe Senior from every stop. So sort of became his guy on the ground in Europe. World War II broke out in 1939. JFK was in London, only just having left the continent.

He returned to Harvard to write his senior thesis. Harvard. During his last semester at... Harvard. Thank you. Most of Europe had been crushed by the Nazis and Britain lay under siege. Jack wrote his thesis on Britain's unpreparedness for war, the thesis being particularly critical of UK Prime Minister

Neville Chamberlain's lenient dealings with Hitler. And these were well received academically, in part because not many students writing their thesis get to report on places they're referring to with first-hand accounts. Not many students were fortunate enough to write about World War II days after visiting everything and where it all takes place. So I think these professors were like, oh, you were there. That's really interesting. Joe Senior pulled strings in the publishing industry hired a newspaper reporter to edit and polish the prose and the thesis was published as a book called why england

slept in 1940 uh the title was a reference slash pun on winston churchill's 1938 book while england slept oh is that a pun day one for the pun king there. Because it sounds a bit similar. Right. Like wordplay. Yeah. Is that what a pun is? Sometimes. Kennedy's book was a bit of a hit, selling 80,000 copies and giving him a taste of celebrity.

Although people joked that his father had bought 30,000 of those copies and had them stored somewhere in the family compound. I mean, would it surprise you? No. I like that joke. Probably only sold 50,000, so sucked in. Pretty sure. And, yes, and your parents were really supportive.

Loser. Joe Senior was very pleased with his son's success. After the publication, he sent him a cablegram from London. This is all in caps. It just says says two things i always knew about you one that you are smart two that you are swell love dad swell that's how i describe a chode um i can picture his dad doing a lot of sitting on a throne with his thumb sideways yeah and his kids going oh which way is he is he going to go? Oh, Dad.

You can live another day, thumbs up. Oh, thank you, Dad. So his father was a very influential man, but he had to take a back seat on politics and live through his sons when he got himself into hot water just before World War II. Remember, he's an ambassador to England, and as ambassador, Joseph Kennedy was a staunch supporter of appeasing Hitler and doing whatever

it took to prevent war between England and Germany. Kennedy rejected the belief of Winston Churchill that any compromise with Nazi Germany was impossible. In 1940, he told the Boston Sunday Globe, democracy is finished in England. It may be here as well, referring to America. In November 1940, he resigned from his post as he was convinced that Britain was doomed to Nazi conquest and believed America's only hope lay in isolationism, so keeping away from everyone else. History would not agree with him and the USA joined World War II at the end of 1941 and sort of made him look like a bit of an idiot.

After that, it made it difficult for him to hold political office because he'd been quite critical of the US president. It all kind of backfired on him. Right. It's interesting. According to Spark Notes, Joe Kennedy Sr. was anti-Semitic as well. Apparently he once told his sons, never do business with Jews, which is ironic bigotry for a man who had himself been the victim

of such anti-religious sentiment since he was Catholic. Yeah. He's shunned by a lot of people because of his religion, but he's doing the same thing to others. Jewish people believe Jesus came in a different part of the history. It was important but not. See, that's the difference. Catholics, they believe Jesus was the God.

Jesus, numero uno. Jewish people, I think, just thought of Jesus as like an important player in Jerusalem and those days. Look, it's been a while since I did religious studies, but. Seems like a lot of it stuck. Yeah. Was that one of the classes you got an A in? Yeah.

I did pretty well at school, I've got to tell you guys. It shows. And look at you now. Here with this dickhead who did pretty well at school, I've got to tell you guys. It shows. And look at you now. Here with this dickhead who did pretty average at school. Talking about Dave, I obviously did incredibly well. Yeah, I was like, are you pointing at me? No, I did pretty shit. You know what my underscore was?

69. Oh, nice. How do I not remember that? Yeah. Point 69? I don't know. It was point something. Nice. Yeah, I not remember that? Yeah. 0.69? I don't know. It was 0.something. Nice.

Yeah, I feel real good. Nice. So after all this, Joe Kennedy had to be involved in politics through his son. So even more now he's living through his two oldest sons. Jess, but just quickly, Jess, that means you were in the top third of the state in your year. So that's pretty good.

Oh, that is pretty good. I never thought of it like that because I did not care. All I cared about was that I got a perfect score on my drama exam. And? And look at me now. I ooze drama. Yeah, you are very dramatic. Yeah.

How dare you? There you go. For example, yeah. So great to see up close. Shock me to the core. I heard that Jess actually pulled up her carpet so she could tread the boards daily. My landlord is pissed.

Are you trying to pay him in the form of a monologue? Yeah. I was like, what if my dad's for you? Interestingly, Dave assumed the landlord was a male. As a feminist, I think women can be landlords too. There you go. I just want to put that out there. But in this case, it is a man.

I refer to them as landladies. Thank you so much. Landladies. Dave, please do go on. All right. Both JFK and his older brother Joe registered for the military draft. Jack was keen to get involved but his health problems persisted. He had stomach troubles, was far too thin and failed physicals

for both the Army and the Navy. Sounds like Captain America. I was just going to say, is this who Captain America's based on? This is Captain America. Well, I haven't seen Captain America. You was just going to say, is this who Captain America's based on? This is Captain America. Well, I haven't seen Captain America. You tell me if this comes next. You haven't seen Captain America. No.

For the Marvel films, I've only seen Iron Man 1, 3, and the one with Chris Pratt. Dave, can we please watch Captain America together? Okay. Chris Pratt. He's in Guardians of the Galaxy. Yes, seen the first one of those. Captain America I remember being pretty good. It's great. Let He's in Guardians of the Galaxy. Yes, seen the first one of those. Captain America I remember being pretty good.

It's great. Let's do a little watch party. We can watch Captain America. That actually sounds really lovely. Let's do it. If they're about to give JFK the secret soldier serum, whatever it's called, then holy shit. All right, well, let's find out.

Again, his father's connections prevailed and a friendly doctor gave JFfk a fake clean bill of health that's basically the same that's what happens has he got a rich dad no jfk didn't get given uh the super soldier serum but he did have a bit of his own super soldier semen i couldn't even get through it. It was amusing me so much, but only me. What did he do with that seaman? Well, it sounds like he had, Dave was just saying before,

he was rooting and tooting all over the country. He was reffing and jeffing like you wouldn't believe. Jeffing, rooting and tooting. Well, like any good seaman, he joined the Navy two months before the attack on Pearl Harbour brought the USA into World War II. He was made a lieutenant and assigned to the South Pacific as commander of a patrol torpedo boat, the P2-109. A good boat.

Well, I actually mispronounced it there. It's actually the PT-109. Is that still good? No. Sorry. Sorry, Jack. The P2 is the better boat. I know my boats, starboard, et cetera.

His father knew about Jack's health and tried to use his connections to make sure his son never got too close to any dangerous action. But his father wasn't always there to protect him, and in August 1943, whilst on a night patrol near the Solomon Islands, a Japanese destroyer suddenly appeared and before they could take any action, it struck JFK's much smaller craft, splitting it right down the middle. Two men were instantly killed and the rest were in the water and clinging to wreckage on a dark, moonless night.

Kennedy himself had been thrown hard back against the deck and had badly hurt his already shoddy back. I cannot get a break. Or no, it's having several of them, maybe. Too many breaks. That's the problem. Under young Lieutenant Kennedy's leadership, 11 men, several badly wounded, managed to hang on to the half of the PT boat that was still afloat and wait for help. None came came and after nearly 15 hours, they came to a crossroad. Dawn had broken and with no sign of a rescue,

Kennedy gathered the men and democratically took a vote on their next move. He asked them, if the Japanese come after us, do you want to fight or do you want to surrender? That is recalled by Ian Martin in his book, In Harm's Way, JFK World War II. And the crew said, it's up to you, boss.

That's when JFK reasserted his command. It's sort of like, okay, well, I just asked you what you want to do and you're just like, oh, whatever you want. And it's like I get that I'm the lieutenant here, but the mental load of being a lieutenant is sometimes a little exhausting. I'm asking you, I want your honest opinion because honestly, I'm at a crossroads. JFK loves sharing his load, didn't he?

That's the one about him that I know. A load shared is a load halved. Like any good seaman. So JFK, he led the men on a gruelling swim to a nearby island. Apparently, love this, Kennedy himself towed a badly burnt crewman through the water to the island with a life jacket strap clenched between his teeth. Whoa, like a dog.

Like a dog. That's sick. Wow. It took five hours to take the man to the island. He just did apparently breaststroke because he was a very good swimmer in school. Five hours. That's a long paddle.

When he finally crawled ashore, Kennedy became violently ill from all the seawater he'd swallowed and collapsed in exhaustion. Holy shit. That is, that's a wild story. Yeah. Our Spark Notes writes, from there he and his subordinate ensign, Ross, made various forays through the coral islands searching for help.

It was days with barely any food before they found a group of local islanders. They were sympathetic to the men but didn't speak any English. Kennedy grabbed a smooth shelled coconut and roughly carved into it with a pocket knife. Now Roo ISL commander, native knows position, he can pilot, 11 alive, needs small boat, dot, boat dot dot dot kennedy so he just wrote his name on a coconut sure improbably the shell made its way into the hands of a new zealand infantry patrol who helped jfk get in radio contact with his pt base wait can you explain to me how the shell got around he just chucked it into the sea and hoped it would no so he gave it to a local islander who didn't speak any english but obviously had access to a small boat and they took it to someone out you know in another boat from the new zealand navy who then

gave it to the english who then picked picked up jfk he would hold on to that shell through throughout the war and had it made into a paperweight that he kept on his desk in the Oval Office, which is pretty cool. There's no greater honour for a shell than being a White House paperweight. Could not agree more. Yeah, that's the top tier of honour for a shell. And, you know, also on that list of top honours would be as decoration in a beach house. Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God. Yeah, that is a very decorated shell. Well, speaking of decorated shells and people, JFK, who was now the shell of a man from his injuries, but he received... Seamless. He received the Purple Heart as well as the Navy and Marine Corps Medal. Wow.

So he was now a war hero. And JFK's father, of course, capitalised on this, made sure his son's survival story was picked up by the press. So he was now famous as a writer for selling a bestseller but also as a war hero. I did not know any of this stuff about him. No, me either. Brains and brawn.

It's so funny that his dad's like, yep, always knew the Americans would save this war and him. No, me either. Brains and brawn. It's so funny that his dad's like, yep, always knew the Americans would save this war and my son was there doing it. Forget what you heard before. He wanted nothing to do with the war. That's right. And interestingly, for the first time, Jack had done something that his older brother Joe was jealous of.

He too wanted to be a war hero. That might have been one of the reasons that led him to volunteer on what has been described as a suicidally dangerous mission. Joe Kennedy Jr. had been flying missions against the Nazis for some time, even turning down a chance to return to the USA in order to keep flying. This extra dangerous mission consisted of dropping 10 tonnes of high explosive TNT on a German target in France. Sadly, he would never make it there. The plane exploded over England and Joe Kennedy was instantly killed on August the 12th, 1944.

Yet. Were you proud of yourself, Matt? You called that? No, not at all. I was hoping it was going to be Eunice. No, sorry. it was going to be Eunice. No, sorry.

I mean, we knew four were going to die young. Yeah, that definitely sucks. But it just made sense that it seemed like his brother was on the trajectory to the presidency more than JFK at that point. Yeah, that's really sad. That sucks, especially, you know, suicide mission, if that's what it's been described as. Well, it's just many people have described it as him wanting to make his mark in the military.

All sounds like, I mean, my small knowledge of it makes it seem like it all goes back to his dad making them all want to win. So he's got to beat his brother, which is such an awful way to bring up a family, I would think. Although others would say, what are you talking about? They're such a successful family. Yeah. Mainly Tiger mums would argue that.

At what cost though? Yeah. Tiger Woods' mum, I'm talking about. Oh, okay. Had him golfing at a very young age. He was two when he first played golf on TV, Tiger Woods. What? Oh, yeah, the clip is, and he's very good, right?

Yeah. Wow. I didn't know that. There you go. So the Kennedy family was united in grief, and now JFK was the oldest surviving child. Jack's back only got worse and was honourably discharged from the Navy in 1945.

Returning to his family, JFK soon found himself the focus of his father's thwarted ambitions. According to History.com, a grieving Joe Sr. told Jack it was his duty to fulfill the destiny once intended for Joe Jr. to become the first Catholic president of the United States. Wow, that's a lot of pressure to put on your war hero son. I know. Like that's not enough. Your war hero best-selling author son. Yeah. Okay, yeah, you think that's going to win my love? Think again.

Yeah, nice try. Yeah. Next. And, by the way, your name is now Joe Junior Junior. Joe Juju. Joey Juju. That's the worst name I ever heard. Joe now channeled all of his energies and ambitions

into a political career for his second-born son. JFK later described it, quote, it was like being drafted. My father wanted his oldest son in politics. Wanted isn't the right word. He demanded it, end quote. And as far as the scale of fucked up things Joseph did to his children go, moulding them for politics isn't even on the scale compared to Jack's younger sister, Rosemary. Oh no. Sorry about this next bit, everyone. But

Rosemary Kennedy was the oldest daughter of Joseph and Rose. She had a difficult birth where she was deprived of oxygen. And according to History Extra, a BBC page, as Rosemary grew, it became apparent that she had both behavioural and educational difficulties. Accounts of Rosemary's life indicated that she was intellectually disabled, although some have raised questions about the Kennedys' accounts of the nature and scope of her disability because basically to avoid the stigma of the time, the Kennedys

tried to keep it all a secret. So it's very difficult to know about her health and exactly what was going on. But what we do know is Rosemary moved to England with a family when they all went to London and she was placed in a Catholic school run by nuns and she made great improvement and was being trained up to be a teacher's aide. So things were very positive for her in England. But when they returned to the USA, her education was abandoned and she experienced convulsions and reportedly had violent outbursts. At the same time, Jo was grooming his two oldest boys for a career in politics. Rose and Jo, the parents, worried that Rosemary's behaviour could create a bad reputation, not just for herself, but for the whole family, and eagerly searched for something that would help her.

So when Rosemary was 23 years old, doctors told her father that a form of psychosurgery known as a lobotomy... Oh, my God. ..could help her mood swings and stop her occasional violent outbursts. Without consulting his wife, Joseph P Kennedy authorised Dr Walter Freeman and James W Watts to perform a lobotomy on Rosemary.

Fuck off. Yeah, it's really awful. That's awful. Freeman had personally performed possibly as many as 4,000 lobotomy surgeries in 23 states, of which 2,500 used his ice pick procedure, despite the fact that he had no formal surgical training. This is a very controversial medical man. Wow.

Yeah. Because it's a now extremely discredited procedure. Yes. But up to 5,000 lobotomies a year were performed in the United States during the 1940s, the majority on young women. And this doctor had no surgery qualification experience. I believe he was a doctor but no surgical training. What the fuck?

Fucking hell. Yeah, there's probably a fucked up report in there somewhere. And I don't want to go into too much detail because it's so awful, but they botched the procedure and Rosemary lapsed into unconsciousness, of which she'd never really recover. Her mental capacity diminished to that of a two-year-old child. Oh, my God. She couldn't walk or speak intelligibly for the rest of her life.

Because he thought it might embarrass the family or bring down the reputation of his boys, who he was so desperate to get into politics. And he didn't even talk to his wife about it. No. That's fucked. I mean, all of it's fucking brutal. Also, she's 23 years old.

She's an adult. It's like, oh, awful stuff. She was, this is Rosemary, was institutionalised and her mother didn't visit for 20 years and her father never visited her again. What? And she lived to be 86 years old and only died in 2005. Just put her in a facility and forgot about it.

Yeah. Oh, that is horrendous. The worst. And then didn't tell the family where she was so no one could facility and forgot about her. Yeah. That is horrendous. The worst. And then didn't tell the family where she was so no one could really go speak to her. In 1961, after Joe Kennedy Sr. suffered a stroke that left him unable to speak, Rosemary's siblings were made aware of her location so they were able to start visiting her. But the lobotomy only became public in 1987,

so they just quietly brushed her aside for decades. Oh my God, that's awful. The only good thing that I could see that came out of it was Rosemary's younger sister, Eunice, who we've been talking about, Eunice Kennedy, started the Special Olympics in 1968. I'm a big fan of Eunice. I would just want to put that on the record. Love Eunice, love her name, love what she's about. Big fan of Eunice. Wow. Holy shit, Eunice started the Special Olympics. Yeah, and the

Special Olympics website states that her sister Rosemary was her inspiration. It's gone on to become the world's largest sports organisation for children and adults with intellectual disabilities and physical disabilities, providing year-round training and activities to 5 million participants and unified

sports partners in 172 countries. So that's become a massive deal. That's the only positive I could find from that. Yeah. I feel like not enough people know about that story and it is horrific. That's awful. I had no idea about that. Yeah.

Sorry, everyone. It's not very nice. Joe sounds like a bit of a monster. Oh, my God. He's awful. I didn't think he was a great dad, to be honest. But now. I was actually edging towards bad dad.

But I think I might even go stronger than that. What? What's stronger than bad dad? Real bad dad. Oh, my God. Sorry. I don't think it's true. That's a hot take.

Wow. What a piece of shit. He was responsible for this surgery. Yeah. So he did that to her. It obviously didn't work. So he just put her in a home and just locked her away. Tried to forget about her. That's fucking horrendous. Awful stuff. So Jack Kennedy's father, this terrible monster, was intent on his sons getting involved in politics politics and his dad literally made way for John. At the urging of Kennedy's father, US Representative James Michael Curley

vacated his seat in the strongly Democratic 11th Congressional District of Massachusetts in order to become Mayor of Boston in 1946. So he convinced the current guy to step aside so his son could have a go at the job. Can't let my could have a go at the job. Can't let my son have a go. Can't. Can't. Can't give him a go.

Come on. I'll be your friend. Huh? You can be mayor. Mayor. You can be mayor. How do they say mayor in Massachusetts, I wonder? Jess would know.

She does a good, you do a good Boston accent. Yeah. Okay, let me get into it. Harvard. Car keys. Mayor. There it is. Beautiful.

There it is. Wow, the warm-up, the drama. How do you get into character? Harvard. Harvard. Harvard car keys get you into Boston. That's a perfect score from me. You can't park your car, you know?

Yeah, yep, yep. You can't park your car there. That's the mayor's parking spot. There it is. Is there good parking at Harvard? At Harvard, you can't there good parking at Harvard? At Harvard? You can't park your car at Harvard. I've never been to Boston, but I feel like I don't need to go now.

That was absolutely amazing. Oh, man. I blacked out for a second there. What do you think of the Yankees? I don't know. I think I trapped her there. Do I not like the Yankees? You hate the Yankees.

As far as I know, Boston. I hate the Yankees. No, there's no words in there that sound Boston. Right. You know what I mean? Do you wish them harm? I wish them harm. That's nonsense. At least we've got those serious political types loving it.

Yeah, they are. That's right. They love it. If you love politics, you'll love terrible Boston accents. Damn, I'm just kidding. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge Indigenous cultures. Or we can learn access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures.

Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. yorku.ca slash write the future. So his father financed and ran Jack's campaign under the slogan, the new generation offers a leader. And using his connections in the Boston newspapers,

his father played up his family's charitable work, their staunch Catholicism, which they're able to use that as a positive spun thing because in that area there's a lot of Catholics, and JFK's status as a war hero. A fortune was poured into streetcar advertising for the young candidate and local politicians were mobilised to lend their support. So he's getting in everyone's ear saying, hey, go back, my son. Or else.

Yeah, honestly. JFK campaigned like no other and was sick with fever and exhausted when all was said and done, but Jack Kennedy won the Democratic primary with 42% of the vote, defeating 10 other candidates. Oh, wow. His father joked after the campaign, with the money I spent, I could have elected my chauffeur. What a dick.

What? Fucking hell. This guy's a dick. What? Fucking hell. This guy's a prick. That's so weird. Celebrate the wins, you douchebag. It's all about winning for you, then you win. It was easy. I spent that much money anyway.

Who cares? That's the outcome you wanted and you got it, so what's the issue? Yeah, bit of a dick. What a piece of shit. What an absolute piece of shit. Give him that, you fucking piece of shit. I hate this piece of shit. Honestly, this piece of shit. What an absolute piece of shit. Can't even give him that, you fucking piece of shit. I hate this piece of shit. Honestly, this piece of shit.

It's offensive to owls to call this guy owl eyes. Could not agree more. They might be stupid, but they're not pieces of shit like this guy. He's not owl eyes. This guy's shit eyes. Shit eyes. He's a shithead. His whole head is just shit.

Yeah, full of shit. Big shithead. I think you might have been right there, Matt. I'm sorry for not backing you immediately. He's got big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, point at him and say, really bad dad. Oh, I'm not very confrontational, so I would probably just be kind of polite, to be honest. Right. Would you send him like a text or something later? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, Jess, you've called me out there.

Yes, I would also probably just be polite. Yeah. We suck. We are just absolute sheeple. We are she-heads. We are just absolute sheeple. We are shitheads. We're no better than him. We're no better than him because the, you know, what you accept is what you.

The shitheads you accept are the shitheads you step on, step on over. Step on over, yep. Yeah, that's exactly the saying I was trying to find. Thank you. Exactly. So JFK was elected to the US House of Representatives, which is in the lower house in the United States.

He was just 29 years old and immediately attracted attention for his youthful appearance and relaxed, informal style. However, some of Washington's establishment noticed and criticised him for exactly the same things. So it was a positive and a negative. Picture him going around sort of clicking. Yeah. Hey, guys.

Hey. Hey. What's going on, boss? I'm picturing him with a hacky sack. I think I've gone too far. We're going to pass some legislation here today. All right. We're going to really make some friends along the way.

He gets around with a, he's got a band behind him. Yeah. Like the house band's got a band behind him. Yeah. Like the house band. Like a full jazz band. Ooh, Hepcat. So he was now a full-time politician on the way to living the dream, right? Well, biography.com writes, however, after the glory and excitement of publishing his first book and serving in World War II,

Kennedy found his work in Congress incredibly dull. Despite serving three terms from 1946 to 1952, Kennedy remained frustrated by what he saw as stifling rules, rules man, and procedures that prevented a young, inexperienced representative from making an impact. He later recalled, we were just worms in the house nobody paid attention to us nationally so he already had his eyes set on bigger things but uh more personal tragedy struck the kennedy clan when in 1948 jfk's younger sister kathleen known as kick died in a plane crash whilst flying to the south of france while on vacation with a new partner, the 8th Earl Fitzwilliam. Oh, no. Kick.

Kick. Again, devastating for the family. Yeah. If you're keeping count, we've lost two now. Yeah. Frustrated in the lower house, JFK set his sights even higher and in 1952, seeking greater influence and a larger platform, Kennedy challenged Republican incumbent Henry Cabot Lodge

for his seat in the US Senate. Just in case you're not aware, and I certainly wasn't, this little website that I came across could explain that a little bit and that is wikipedia.org. Okay. Tell us about it. I think it's some sort of political website. It explains sort of terms.

Oh, that's so handy. That's what I found. Great. That's so handy. Great. That's really handy. That's a real gap in the market that I'm really glad wikipedia.org can follow. Thank you. Because I wasn't that aware of the structure of the US system, but the Senate, I was like, why isn't he happy in the lower house?

Apparently the Senate is widely considered both a more deliberative and more prestigious body than the House of Representatives due to its longer terms, smaller size, there's only 100 versus I think 480-something of the lower house, and statewide constituencies, which historically led to a more collegial and less partisan atmosphere. So you're representing more people.

I think there's two per state rather than based on population per state where you might be one of many people. So you become one of two senators. And JFK's like, great, I'll be more influential in the political stage. That's where I want to be. His opponent, Henry Cabot Lodge Jr., was a Republican and a member of the wealthy Anglo-Saxon and Protestant elite of New England. A WASP.

The opposite of JFK except for the wealthy, except for the rich part. I was going to say the opposite. Except for the rich part. There's like this say the opposite. Except for the rich part. There's like this tiny little difference, but back then that was the opposite. Oh, we're opposites, yeah. He's wealthy. I'm wealthy.

Wealthy, go Anglo-Saxon and he goes to a church with a priest. Me, on the other hand, the exact opposite. So yeah, on the other hand, left opposite. Well, that's what it's like. So, yeah, we've got JFK, wealthy, yes, but Democrat, Catholic, his opponent, Protestant, Republican, and his family is just as famous as the Kennedy family.

So there was a famous toast given in 1910 that sums up the Cabot's family. It says, and the toast is, and this is good old Boston, the home of the bean and the cod, where the Lowells talk to the Cabot's and the Cabot's talk only to God. So they're a very powerful family. So they're almost like they were seen as being like the Pope, like the Protestant Pope, whatever that's called. What's the Protestant Pope called?

Archbishop or something? Henry Cabot. I'll look this up. Apologise. Basically, JFK was told he was delusional taking on the established Cabot Lodge dynasty. But Jack never shied away from a challenge. He hired his brother, Robert Kennedy, a.k.a. Bobby Kennedy, a.k.a.

RFK. Bobby. Bobby. Thank you. To run his campaign and Robert Kennedy put together what one journalist called the most methodical, most scientific, most thoroughly detailed, most intricate, the most disciplined and smoothly working statewide campaign in Massachusetts history and possibly anywhere else.

They came up with this awesome campaign where they hired a billboard specialist who put up 90 billboards around Boston. Wow. And most campaigns at the time cost around $25,000. Joe Kennedy Sr. spent 10 times, possibly 20 times that amount. So he just threw money at his son to be elected. Wow. And JFK's campaigning was relentless and he was very personable and popular everywhere he went,

all despite battling his sore back and Addison's disease. Sore back is a real understatement, but anyway. In the end, it was a very tight race and Jack won by a margin of less than 70,000 votes, so it's very tight, to become state senator for Massachusetts in 1953. He was 35 years old. Yeah, but his dad bought 30,000 of those votes.

Yeah, that's right. And they're all in Cape Cod somewhere under his mattress. Do not look. Did you look up the Protestant Pope? I've done some Googling and I cannot figure out what the Protestant version of the Pope is. I don't know if he is sort of their, I don't know.

I can't figure it out. All right. Do Protestants have a leader? That's what I, I mean, that's what I Googled. Yeah, but Dave's got a fancier Google. Well, I've got Safe Search off and it says here, though the Protestants have a founder called martin luthic they don't have a common leader or head for their functioning okay well

that's probably why i couldn't find it yeah yeah because it doesn't exist unless this website's lying to me yeah right oh there you go is reverend lovejoy from the simpsons a protestant i don't know what his that's all I'm basing off the differences of priest to reverend, but that might not be Protestants. Anyway, it does not matter. I really don't know. I mean, it probably matters to them. It doesn't matter to you, is what you're saying.

No, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter in this exact moment of time where we're talking about the life of JFK. Well, I've looked up that as well, and the church's denomination on The Simpsons is identified as the Western branch of American reform presbyterianism. Okay.

Oh, my goodness. So I believe that they're just combining a few different ones there for a bit of fun. Gotcha. Right, I see. Those pesky writers. Do you get it? It's just a bit of fun.

Pastors, ministers and reverends are some of the terms that can be used. There's going to be some religious people out there absolutely yelling at their iPods right now. And rightly so. Honestly, that sounds like a sin to me. Thou shalt not yell at

thy iPod. So we're up to 1953 where he's just been elected to the Senate and it was also in 1953 that JFK married Jacqueline Bouvier. Whoa. That's a Simpsons connection maybe. Yeah, absolutely. So in his day most men got married at about 22,

but when John got to 35 and was still unmarried, his father told him that his image had to change. If you're ever going to be president, you've got to be a family man. What a reason to get married, am I right? For political gains? Yeah. Yeah. That's number one.

Number two, love. Number three, consolidation of wealth. Yeah, that's right. Number four, so you don't die alone. Yes. And number five, bit of a party. Yeah, love a party. Good to have a bit of fun.

Until this point, he'd been seen as Washington's most eligible bachelor and dated many, many women. And even when married, the affairs would never stop for JFK. But he first met Jackie at a dinner party and in his own words, quote, leaned over the asparagus and asked her for a date. Very romantic. She was actually engaged to another man but quickly broke it off. Oh, Jesus.

She wrote in her diary that she had an intimation that Jack would have a profound and possibly disturbing effect on her life. Disturbing? Yeah, and I guess she was right. She's absolutely right but disturbing is not the word I would want to use for a potential suitor. Not the sexiest of words, is it? No.

Oh, this guy is going to disturb some shit. Let me disturb you. The two got engaged and were featured on magazine covers as a golden couple, so they very much got together in the public eye, probably his dad again. When Jack's best friend warned his wife-to-be that Jack engaged in lots of affairs and was unlikely to stop when married, rather than be put off, Jackie saw it as a challenge apparently.

Fix him. I can fix him. We love a fixer-upper. Spoiler, she couldn't. They were married on September 12, 1953 in newport rhode island spark note sums up jackie writing beautiful and glamorous she had studied at vasa and the sorbonne and brought an element of culture and class to the marriage that would become one of the defining traits of the kennedy presidency the press went absolutely wild for the couple and Jackie would become a symbol of glamour

and probably the most famous First Lady in US history. Yeah. People still talk about her outfits and her design, all that sort of stuff. I should say, probably worthy of her own report. Yes. Very interesting person. But Jack's back continued to trouble him

and despite his father's advice, he chose to have a risky and potentially deadly operation to fix it. Jack thought he'd be in a wheelchair without the surgery and opted to take the risk. It did not go well. He got an infection and was read his last rites as he was that close to death. Oh, my God.

It took him eight months to recover. And during this time away from the Senate, Jack wrote another bestselling book called Profiles in Courage, which won the Pulitzer Prize for Biography in 1957. What? He's actually the only US president to win a Pulitzer Prize. I did not know that. I will say, less impressive when you find out that years later,

the book was revealed to be mostly the work of Kennedy's long-time aide and speechwriter, Teddy Sorensen. Okay. That makes a bit of sense. Apparently Jack came up with the idea for the book and... Teddy did the work. I mean, come on. You come up with the idea.

What's that, 80%, 95% of the book? Yeah. That is a big, big, big part of it. So what was the idea for the book? Profiles in Courage. It's basically politicians acting against the party and what was expected of them to do, very brave things, and then when you look back on them going,

they did the right thing, standing up to everyone else. Right. Both Democrats and Republicans, I believe. And it was a hit and you won the award for it. But it was years later we found out it was someone else. Anyway, when he was healthy enough to be in the Senate, JFK didn't do that much work and was derided by a Democratic House leader, another famous name here, Lyndon B. Johnson. All the way.

All the way with LBJ. LBJ didn't like that he couldn't rely on the young and flashy Kennedy to vote with the party and saw him as someone who liked to pick and choose what he did in the Senate. He made jokes about Jack behind his back saying that he looks like he had rickets and joked about his puny ankles. That's because he, like everyone else, didn't know about Jack's frail health. The family worked very hard to keep his Addison's disease a secret and every time he had back trouble the family would claim it was the result of an old war wound and sort of play up the fact that he was a war hero

rather than admit, oh, he's actually got a congenital disease. Yeah, well, I mean, that's a socially acceptable illness if he got it in the war. If the public found out that he had an illness, that they wouldn't vote for him. Different time. Yeah, unless he earned it in battle. Yeah, that's right.

Did he earn the illness? Yeah, in battle. He swam a man like a dog with something in his mouth. He swam a man. I swam a man. You wasn't here. I swam a man. I swam a man.

In 1956, it was suggested to Kennedy that he could run as vice president under Democratic hopeful Adlai Stevenson. His father told him to not go for the job because Stevenson had no hope of winning the election. But again, Jack didn't like backing down to a challenge and it was so close it went down to a party vote, which Jack just lost to Estes Kefauver. Probably a reason I'd never heard of that name. JFK was gutted to have lost, so the other guy was on the ticket.

The other guy would be vice president if Adlai Stevenson won. His brother Bobby, who was his right-hand man in everything, said, let's call Dad. He always cheers us up. And the Kennedy patriarch apparently said, after JFK lost, well done. I don't know how you did it, but you did it, making it look like you were interested and then losing. There's no way Adlai Stevenson is beating President Eisenhower.

That ticket would have been suicide to be on. So he was like, great work. And JFK's like, yeah, yeah, I meant that. Yes, yeah. Yeah. Thank you. So he actually did make him feel better. He actually did because it turned out his father was right.

Dwight D. Eisenhower beat Stevenson in a landslide and it was the second time Stevenson had been the party's candidate. So he'd been at two elections and lost horribly both times. So that meant the Democrats were wide open for their candidate at the 1960 election. So JFK set his sights on that. Fast forward to just before that election, the Democrats had to pick who they were going to put forward as their presidential candidate.

John F. Kennedy had two main rivals, Hubert Humphrey and Senate leader slash old nemesis Lyndon B. Johnson. I feel like I know all those names. That's because you were alive back then. Yeah. Well, it's because I was a personal friend to Hubert. Personal assistant? Yeah. You wrote his book, he won a Pulitzer Prize, didn't you? Yeah, but I'll never take the credit for it. So JFK was much younger and dynamic, particularly with the old school Lyndon B. Johnson, who felt that he deserved the nomination after his years leading the party in the Senate. He was like a senior figure in the Democratic Party. But the whole Kennedy family went into bat for JFK,

his attractive brothers, sisters and wife, Jacqueline. You've got my hot siblings on the case. Hey, if you want to win a presidential campaign, get those hot siblings out on the forefront. Get the hot ones out there. And, of course, his wife, Jackie, combed the state for votes. At one point, Humphrey memorably complained that he felt like an independent merchant competing against a chain store.

Oh, wow. Which is a way of describing it. And despite doctors telling him to slow down, JFK travelled tirelessly all over the country, winning support with his charisma wherever he could. But the biggest thing standing in JFK's way of the presidency was his religion. And as wild as it seems now, we've talked about it a bit here, there'd never been a Catholic president and many struggled to think that there ever could be. Apparently the biggest worry was that people thought that a Catholic president would be

bound to act in accordance with the Pope rather than its people. Gotcha. And a fact that I learnt sometime recently, Protestants don't really have an official head like a Pope. So there you go. Just going to fact check that. Yeah, that is interesting. Yes.

They're worried that they wouldn't be able to separate church and state. Yes, very well put because Jack had to make a number of speeches in which he asserted his faith. My faith will have nothing to do with this. I'm a very hot man. No, his faith would have no impact on his handling of the presidency, that he would make sure that church and state remained safely separate. In the end, JFK won the nomination over Humphrey and Johnson. And despite his campaign manager slash brother Bobby's surprise, he chose to ask Lyndon B.

Johnson, the man known for making fun of him, to be his running mate and hopefully his vice president. Oh, wow. Was Bobby hoping it would be an old Kennedy ticket? Yeah. Sorry, are you forgetting someone? What about Bobby? Eh? Eh? This was a calculated move by Kennedy who knew that Lyndon B. Johnson was popular in the south and might win him crucial votes down there

because he was a famous Texan. So the 1960 US election was JFK versus Republican nominee and current vice president, a certain Richard Nixon. I am not a crook. Kennedy ran on the idea that he was running for the new frontier, representing a new generation born in the 20th century. Can you believe? The Cold War was a dominant issue during the campaign for the presidency. JFK accused the Republicans of having allowed a missile gap to grow between the United States and the USSR, warning that the Soviets had pulled ahead in the nuclear arms race. This was totally exacerbated by the fact that in 1957, the Soviets had launched Sputnik,

the first satellite, and they appeared to be well and truly winning the space race. So JFK very much played on that fear. Kennedy and Nixon engaged in the first ever televised presidential debate. Nixon was a champion debater but didn't present as well on camera as Kennedy, who's quite natural, very charismatic. And hot. Yeah, he's hot. And Nixon. And much hotter's hot. And Nixon.

And much hotter. Yeah. And much hotter. In the end, the majority, this is quite interesting, the majority of those who watched on television thought JFK had won, but those that listened on radio gave it to Nixon. Ah. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah, that makes you think Nixon probably actually won because of his words. Yeah, that's right. He's not deceived by it. But look at his hair. How does he do that? JFK's nice to look at. He's got stage presence.

I'll give him that. Didn't hear a word he said. He kept saying car. What the fuck is that? Park the car. I went to Harvard with my brother Barbie. How weird would it be to speak without pronouncing your R's? Yeah.

You sound so ridiculous. Such a silly accent. How far to go anyway, Dave, on this report? It's been great so far. Far. How far to go? Oh, God. Far.

Oh, God, it hurts the back of my throat. Plenty of time for you guys to perfect the accent. There's room in my car. Oh, car. You've got to really pull your tongue back. Our accent halfway between, like, the broader American accent and the Boston one, or are we the other side of the Boston accent? No, Boston's close to us.

Car, car. They say car and we say car. Is that right? They say car and we say car. Yeah, Boston's close to us. Car, car. They say car, and we say car. Is that right? They say car, we say car. Yeah, yeah. Car, car. Car, car. Car, car. Car, car. Car, car. Car, car. Keep going.

Please don't. Car, car, car. Car, car, car. Car, car, car. Having fun, Dave? I've well and truly lost control of this reporter. You lost it a long time ago. For the listeners at home, Dave is doing that thing where his hands

are under his glasses and he is really rubbing hard on the temples. So we're well and truly in campaign mode here. JFK also gave a secret but sympathetic phone call to the wife of Martin Luther King Jr., the civil rights leader, who was in jail for civil disobedience. The symbolism of the phone call was crucial in helping improve JFK's image in the black community. So they really turned out for him. And King wasn't the only high profile person to give Kennedy his backing. Frank Sinatra changed the lyrics to his song High Hopes to Support JFK, which is a bit of a banger as far as presidential songs go.

That's exactly the kind of music I was picturing when he's going into the Senate clicking his fingers. Yeah, yeah. It's Frank Sinatra. Him and Blue Eyes were good pals. Yeah, right. I didn't know that. And it was a tight race up until the end.

Again, JFK was out there hitting the bricks, shaking hands, talking to anyone that would listen to him, kissing babies, doing it all, getting out there. Like when you say hitting bricks, are you talking about like in a show of strength? Yeah. Karate chopping? You're doing a karate demonstration.

That is sick. How many bricks can Nixon break with his bare hand? I would vote for that guy. Just because you know it's going to be an interesting presidency. Also, he promised to grow an afro if we vote for him. He said he'd get a deep fryer for us. On election night, it was still too close to call. The polls had opened and closed.

Everything was being counted. But, you know, it was too close. The Kennedys had set up the Kennedy compound and JFK eventually went to bed. The next morning his advisor heard him moving around upstairs in his room and the housekeeper said, I think he's awake, you should go up and talk to him and he knocked on the door.

Jack said, yeah, come on in and he he said, good morning, Mr. President. Oh, that's so good. I was hoping I was going to, what a way to find out. What a way, yes. Imagine not being able to stay up to find that out. I thought that was so wild as well. Apparently everyone else stayed up and watched the TV coverage and listened to the radio, but he's like, no, I'm tired.

I've got to get my eight hours. I'll be a kid on Christmas Eve sort of thing. Most important night of your life, no, I'm tired. I've got to get my eight hours. A bit kid on Christmas Eve sort of thing. Most important night of your life, yeah, amazing. But that is such a great way to wake up. The other way that would have been quite fun is if he was woken up by saying, morning, loser. Morning, Mr President, is what I would have said if you'd won. Nixon got it. Morning, Mr President, is what I would have said if you'd won. All right.

Nixon got it. Is what I'm saying to a guy called Richard Nixon. Laters. So JFK and his running mate Johnson won by fewer than 100,000 votes and that's out of 70 million. So it was really, really close. Wow. But they did well in the electoral college.

They captured 303 electoral votes to 219 for Nixon. With the difference coming in the populous states of Illinois and Texas, Lyndon B. Johnson's home state. So backing his rival to be his vice president totally paid off. There you go. And John F. Kennedy became the 35th president at the age of 43, as we said at the start. And by the time he was elected, JFK and Jackie had two children,

Caroline, born in 1957, and John Jr., born just weeks after the election. Oh, wow. The family themselves had also gone through years of tragedy. This was after they'd had a miscarriage in 1955 and a stillborn daughter, Arabella, in 1956. So lots, lots of tragedy for this family. But the Kennedys brought youth to the White House. JFK was 27 years younger than the outgoing president, Dwight D. Eisenhower. So, you know,

more than a generation apart. In his inaugural address, given on January 20, 1961, the new president called on his fellow Americans to work together in the pursuit of progress and the elimination of poverty, but also in the battle to win the ongoing Cold War against communism around the world. And this is when he famously said, ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country. Say it properly, Dave.

Ask. Ask not. There it is. What you can do for your country. Ask. Ask. Nah. There it is. What you can do in your country. Oh, God. I fucked up. This is actually the real speech.

Line. I didn't realise that was in his debut. Yeah. I think that was his final line. That's a hot stuff. A bit of a mic drop moment. That's good. Yeah, that's real good.

Again, probably written by speechwriter Teddy Sorensen. 100%. Delivered very well. Yeah. I wonder if many people are like, what? Why would I ask that? Yeah. Why?

Why ask that? I want to ask the other one. What can my country do for me? Better health care? That's what I'm interested in. No, no, no. Sorry. I should ask? I want to ask the other one. What can my country do for me? Better health care? That's what I'm interested in. No, no, no, sorry. I should ask what I should do for America. He was actually a very good speaker.

Apparently he was one of the first presidents to speak off the cuff. A lot of the time he would, like, go on talk shows or do interviews and his advisors would freak out because he's going on there without notes or lines and he'd just conversationally get on there and be very funny, be very natural. No one really hit that height until Donald Trump many years later. Also, I think, did a lot of work off the cuff. No, there's no way that is off the cuff.

It would be baffling to see that written down. Are you kidding me? You can. You can see his transcripts. No, I know, but I mean like handed to him to read. I reckon that's what happened. We want you to say I'm negative, I'm

positive in the negative sense. Yeah. And he died like a dog. His speech writer was a dog. Do you think that, what's the current guy's name? Joe Biden. Do you reckon Biden had it written down when he was talking to our Prime Minister, Scott Morrison? Do you think it was written down for him to say,

and also thank you to that fella down under over there. Cheers, champ. Cheers, champ. Cheers, pal. Fuck, that was funny. So good. Very funny stuff. Very fitting. You've got to remember.

I'm like, yeah, I think that must have been written down. ScoMo is pretty forgettable. Yeah, I was hosting a thing, like I was hosting a bingo competition last week for like some sort of a corporate day, just a Zoom bingo competition last week for like some sort of a corporate day, just a Zoom bingo thing. I'm available if anyone listening wants me to host their company's annual bingo tournament. Hit me up.

But at one point a thing came up where I was meant to know the current Prime Minister and I could not remember who it was. So I don't know if that necessarily says anything about Scott Morrison. Because he keeps fucking off. But I think it's more to do with me. I'm just like, I cannot remember who the current, I couldn't remember any of them. I'm like, I know Harold Holt was in there at one point.

Do you like 1313, that little fella from Down Under? That's why, because, yeah, one of the bingo calls was it was number 10 uh current prime minister's den my current prime minister number 10 all right um and i had to ask the there was like a like this um finance company i'm like who's our prime minister There's like 20 finance types going, who have we got here? I'm sitting in my lounge room looking like an absolute bozo. But anyway, I reckon I'll get more work from them for sure. So he's elected. He's achieved the family dream of getting someone in the White House.

And despite his youth and optimism for a new age, there were certainly some pretty scary moments in JFK's presidency. One of the things the president worried about most was the possibility of nuclear war between the United States and the Soviet Union. He knew that if it came to that, that hundreds of millions of people could die. An early crisis in the foreign affairs arena occurred in April 1961, known as the Bay of Pigs, which I think we may have referenced last week or the week before pretty recently. Kennedy was worried about the island country of Cuba. On January the 1st, 1959, a young Cuban nationalist named Fidel Castro

drove his guerrilla army into Havana and overthrew General Batista, the nation's American-backed president. Also there was president report topic Che Guevara. Within six months of Castro's overthrow of Batista's dictatorship in Cuba, relations between Castro's government and the United States began to deteriorate. For the next two years, officials of the US State Department and the CIA attempted to covertly remove Castro. In 1960, President Eisenhower authorised the CIA to recruit 1,400 Cuban exiles living in Miami and begin training

them to overthrow Castro. But then Eisenhower left the Oval Office and JFK inherited this plan from the previous administration. The last thing he wanted, he said, was direct overt intervention by the American military in Cuba, because the Soviets would likely see this as an act of war and then might retaliate and then the nuclear thing would be on. However, the CIA officers told him they could keep the US involvement in the invasion a secret. And if all went according to plan, the campaign would spark an anti-Castro uprising on the island. They'd basically get the revolution going and then they'd just sit back and watch the fireworks and they'd have plausible deniability.

Wow. This is the kind of stuff you love to hear about, you know, just countries undercover. Yeah, man. Destabilising powers around the world. You love to hear that. It feels good. It feels nice and safe and I'm sure never backfires in any ways

my next line honestly it should be its own report but the crux of it is it was a massive failure the plan was to quietly invade an area of cuba called the bay of pigs but it was intercepted and nearly all of the exiles were captured or killed it was linked back to the u.s government and was extremely embarrassing on the world stage. Not to mention that I think 1,200 out of 1,400 were captured and killed. Kennedy was distraught and deeply embarrassed that he'd listened to the CIA and the military

who convinced him that the plan would be a success and vowed to not let that happen again. Well, I'm not listening to the CIA or the military. Well, honestly, I think the military's answer is always how about a bit of war? We're pretty good at that. Yeah, right. I think war will fix this.

How do we fix this war? A bigger war. A bigger war. I don't know. You think that we talked about that last week, the Bay of Pigs, but I don't think that came up in the Killer Clown episode. What did come up was not a Bay of pigs but a bucket of chicken. Are you confusing those two?

No, you know what? I've just realised we talked about the thing that's coming up next, the Cuban Missile Crisis, on the Patreon bonus episode about Phrasing the Bar film Blast from the Past. Blast from the Past. Ah, yes. That's right. That's right.

So that's what we said. And I think even at the time one of you said, I don't know what the Cuban Missile Crisis is, and I was like, I'm going to tell you in a couple of weeks. But just ending on the Bay of Pigs, it was a real fuck-up, and JFK said that if it had been a prime ministership rather than a presidency, a mistake like that would have cost him his job straight away.

It was really embarrassing. Kennedy's Soviet rival was the Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev. The two met in Vienna in 1961 to discuss the city of Berlin, which had been divided after World War II between Allied and Soviet control. Each were keen to get the upper hand on the other and Khrushchev didn't give in to Kennedy's charm. Not surprisingly. After the Bay of Pigs disaster, he thought that Kennedy was young, dumb and an inexperienced president. That's not how that phrase only ends.

Well, he was full of something. The Soviets were worried about the massive waves of emigration from Soviet-dominated East Germany to American ally West Germany via the divided city of Berlin. Basically, anyone that wanted to leave would just cross over into an Allied-controlled side of Berlin and then they'd fly, you know, somewhere away from the Soviets. Two months after their meeting, Nikita Khrushchev ordered the construction of the Berlin Wall, which became the foremost symbol of the Cold War. A lot of stuff that, you know, impacted the 20th century really came up early in his presidency. Kennedy would later deliver one of his most famous speeches in West Berlin in June 1963 when he said,

or attempted to say, Ich bin ein Berliner. I am a Berliner. Two massive applause. Khrushchev and Kennedy clashed again in the following year, October 1962. This is another incident worthy of its own report, so I won't give away too much,

but this is the Cuban Missile Crisis. I'll just give you the dot points. It's very, very interesting because it's the closest the world has ever come to all-out nuclear war. In October 1962, an American U-2 spy plane secretly photographed nuclear missile sites being built by the Soviet Union on the island of Cuba. Jack's brother, Bobby, whom he'd appointed as his attorney general,

so he always gave his brother a job. Bobby woke up to the news and apparently said, oh shit, shit, shit, those sons of bitches Russians. So he was freaking out. The missiles were thought to be able to strike the USA and instantly kill hundreds of millions of people. So a bit of a worry for a president. On October 22nd, President Kennedy spoke to the nation about the crisis in a televised address. For 13 days, the world tensely watched and waited to see what would happen. JFK had to weigh up his options. The army, like we said before, wanted to strike first

and bomb and invade Cuba, and he was under intense pressure about whether he should do this or not. It was later revealed that he said, these brass hats have one great advantage in their favour. If we listen to them and do what they want us to do, none of us will be alive later to tell them that they were wrong. Who were the brass hats? Oh, that's the generals telling him,

we should just bomb the shit out of them. Bomb them first. And he's a bit like, look, if we miscalculate and they figure out we're bombing them, they'll launch nukes at us and then we'll have to launch nukes at them and then the Soviets will launch nukes in Europe and it's all over. Yeah, if we, like the last time I listened to you, if it's a disaster, it will be a real disaster this time.

Yeah, he didn't want to rush into anything after the botched bay of pigs. JFK banked on his Soviet opposition to Kyrgyzstan being as horrified and opposed to nuclear war as he was. Because back then, I found this amazing, they didn't have a phone line to each other, so they couldn't directly communicate. So it could have easily spiralled out of control if they misinterpreted each other's aggression

and, you know, quickly become nuclear. Eventually, the two superpowers publicly agreed to a deal in which the Soviets would dismantle the weapon sites in exchange for a pledge from the United States not to invade Cuba. In a separate deal which remained secret for more than 25 years, the United States also agreed

to remove its nuclear missiles from Turkey. But JFK didn't want to look weak, so he never let anyone know this. That was kept a secret, that part. Hopefully I'll get into a full report one day because it's a super tense time and it's an amazing, yeah, 13 days where half of America thought they were not going to exist.

Dave, could I request that report from you now? I mean, not to do now, but if you ever do it, can you read my name out as one of the people who suggested it? Yeah, I'll give you the shout out. Well, hang on, if Matt gets one, I want one. Well, you've got to suggest it. Hey, Dave, I suggest that as a topic. Every listener should put it in the hat now so when Dave ends up doing it,

there's like hundreds of names. Don't you do this. Don't do that. Don't. The hat is already at like, last time I looked, 8,000 suggestions or something. And 7,000 of those are already the Cuban Missile Crisis. Most of them put in by Joe Senior.

We'll have to make it a double episode and then the first half is just thanking people for suggesting it and we'll get to the report next week. Honestly, he did a lot during his presidency, some good, some bad, a lot influenced by the Soviet Union. They're very worried about communism spreading around the world and the domino theory was that if one South East Asian country a lot influenced by the Soviet Union. They're very worried about communism spreading around the world. And the domino theory was that if one South East Asian country fell to communism,

many others would follow around them, which caused Kennedy to increase US aid and troops in Vietnam, which, as we all know, became a massive disaster. The US government supported a military coup in 1963 that toppled the unpopular President Diem of South Vietnam and replaced him with a military dictatorship. The US hoped that the new government would increase stability in the nation. In fact, it had the opposite effect, and soon tens of thousands of American troops would be on their way to the war-torn country. And for the next decade, they were there. More positively, another of the young president's initiatives was the creation of

the Peace Corps, a service organisation that sent young Americans overseas to do volunteer work in less developed countries. Still in existence today, the Peace Corps stands as one of JFK's most enduring legacies. Oh, wow. That's nice. Yeah, I didn't know that. One of JFK's principal foreign policy successes was the signing of the Limited Nuclear Test Ban Treaty, forbidding atmospheric testing of nuclear weapons, which was agreed to by the US, Britain and the Soviet Union and would soon be eventually signed by most of the world's nations and stopped a lot of nuclear testings that were honestly getting out of control.

He also pledged to put a man on the moon before 1970. Of course, this would be achieved in 1969, as I talked about on a very early episode of the show, but sadly Jack would not be around to witness it. Wait, what? Oh, do you have something else on? Yeah. He's on holiday. He just looked away at the wrong time.

Oh, I hate that. Oh, I missed it. I hate that. Oh, rewind. Oh, it's live. That technology doesn't exist yet. He was acutely aware that image was everything and sadly this held him back when it came to the issue of civil rights.

The president was sympathetic to the civil rights movement but he was wary of political risk enacted only when absolutely necessary. To quote from Sparknotes, only after a horrific scene in Birmingham, and they say Birmingham, not Birmingham, well we'll say Alabama, in the spring of 1963 during which black demonstrators were attacked with fire hoses, cattle prods and police dogs,

did JFK go on television to declare that the country faced a moral crisis on the civil rights issue? All through 1963, JFK worked to pass a moderate civil rights bill. But again, he would not be there to see it through. Wait, what? You keep alluding to

something, David. He just took a lot of holidays, Jess, all right? Well, played a lot of golf. Yeah. The fiction book he wrote before was about a politician standing up for things against necessarily the party and stuff, but he never, sounds like he didn't really do that necessarily himself. Not too much. He didn't want to go out on a limb if he thought he would lose lots of voters in the south. Then his daddy would be mad at him. Yeah, even though they were doing a lot of segregation and a lot of horrific stuff down there, it really had to go out of control.

They had to send in the army to break up stuff. It was really, really awful. And honestly, I could have made this three reports. Such is the life of one of the most famous and most documented individuals of the 20th century. So much is written about him. There's like 3,000 documentaries. I only watched 2,000, so hopefully I didn't miss anything good. Oh, my God, Dave.

It's like you don't even care about this podcast anymore. Get your full ass on this pod, Dave. I've still got another week to watch another thousand, so I reckon I'll get there. Despite being the youngest person to ever be elected US President, despite the fact that he was in charge when the world came the closest it's ever come to nuclear destruction, and despite

his undeniable charisma, his charm and his unparalleled celebrity as the world's most powerful man, he's the perfect Venn diagram of wealth, privilege and personal drive. But John F. Kennedy will always be manly remembered for one day, and tragically, it would be his last, November 22, 1963, a day that will live in infamy.

An assassination-marted conspiracy, the most famous home movie in history, the Umbrella Man, the Babushka Woman, and, of course, the famous grassy knoll. All that and more on the next exciting instalment of Do Go On. I love that, Dave. Love that sizzle. That is the first time I've felt like we are a legit podcast. That was scintillating.

Thank you. I got my inner Dan Carlin hardcore history on there. He always ends his episodes with a little thing that sucks you in and I was like, going to do a bit of that. Love that. Well, consider me sucked in. Sucked in. I'll be back.

Consider me sucked off. All right. That's another famous JFK quote. Yeah. I have been sucked off. I have been sucked off well that's my report on the life and presidency of JFK but honestly there's so much more to go through we will go through the assassination a few of the conspiracy theories in the aftermath what happened after JFK was assassinated on that day next week are you gonna uh cover stuff that

was looked at in the umbrella academy about how some of their sort of time travel stuff affected the assassination? Yes, I'll also look at the Red Dwarf episode where they did the same thing. Umbrella Academy, ha-ha. Yeah, I've always said that. It's just a rip-off of Red Dwarf. I watched the James Franco TV show about that time. Oh, yeah. Bloody hell. I've the James Franco TV show about that time. Oh, yeah. Bloody hell.

I've watched it all, guys. I just haven't watched the last 2,000 or 1,000 documentaries. Well, get on it. You've got a week. Well, that was a great half a report, Dave. Well done. Are you happy that I didn't make you sit here for four hours and do it all in one go?

No, I mean, I was loving it. I could have kept going. But, yeah, I think it makes a lot of sense. This is already probably the longest report we've done in in a month or two so uh definitely worth breaking it in half um that brings us now to everyone's favorite section of the show where we get to thank a few of our great uh supporters who can get involved at patreon.com slash do go on pod or do go onpod.com and there you've got a bunch of different levels to support us on, different rewards at different levels.

Some of them include bonus episodes. We do three per month. You get voting rights on topics, all sorts of things. But the first one we like to do is on the Sydney Schoenberg Deluxe Memorial level and it is called the Fact, Quote or Question section. It has a little jingle that goes like this. Fact, quote or question. Ding.

He always remembers the ding. So once you sign up to the Sydney Schoenberg level, you get to give us a fact, a quote or a question. On that level, you also get pretty much all the other rewards, including bonus episodes and voting and all that sort of stuff. But I read out four of the facts, quotes and questions each week and the first one comes from Paul McNally, who I think normally when I read out Paul's name I say something

about Rand McNally. Rand McNally. And I refuse to stop that. And Paul's given himself the title of of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck as an early Christmas present. That's his title. That's the title.

I guess title of a book. Is that a pun? I mean, or is it just a non sequitur? Maybe his question or fact or quote will. Oh, it normally does. Yeah. This trips me up every time. I'm thinking that this might just be like a cry to his family

for what he wants for Christmas and he's just hoping that his mum or dad or partner is listening to this episode. Or he thought he might have been messaging book cheat instead. Paul is offering us a fact here and here it is. Matt's report on the vampire panic and the non-existent effective treatments of tuberculosis until the late 1950s reminded me of a medical fact. I don't know if that was the decade I said. It might be.

Anyway, fact check. The last treatment that was widely used before antibiotics were found for TB was plumbage. I don't know if I'm saying that right. Plumbage. As TB usually starts in the upper lobes of the lungs before spreading, the logic was that shutting them off, the disease would spread. The plumbage, this involved filling the gap between the ribs

and the upper lung with inert objects to collapse them, thereby sealing them off. Oh, God. The objects? Ping pong balls. Oh, my. I have x-rayed two or three people with this in my career. Holy shit.

And they did live on. Though I'll probably never see another as the youngest they'd be now is in their 80s. All right, I'm guessing my fact check is not required. This guy knows what he's talking about. Still was fairly interesting to see. Small side fact is that when the surgery was invented in the early 1930s, patients were encouraged to take up smoking afterwards

as part of the recovery process. Hope this was semi-interesting and you're all keeping well. Holy shit, Paul, that's an amazing fact. That's incredible. Crimp fact. Honestly, for like so many centuries, we were just frigging around with stuff, weren't we? I mean. Leeches, we probably still are.

You know, there'll be stuff that we do now that doctors will look at in 100 years and go, what the fuck were they doing? Yeah. Yeah. Like, got to be. It'd be interesting to find out what those things were. I always think that about like laser hair removal and stuff like that. The Simpsons did a pretty good joke in one of their future episodes where Ned Flanders was blind and he, like Homer

asked why or something and he said, I had that laser eye surgery and after about 20 years, my eyes just fell out. Oh God. You had that done, have you Dave? No, I haven't thankfully, but I, and I definitely won't now. Thanks thanks ned imagine having a laser eye surgery on an owl would take forever such a long freaking eyes thanks so much for that uh fact paul that was fantastic i would call i don't jess i don't know if that's fun it's certainly grim it's very grim yeah i don't think it's fun but it's so interesting yeah certainly not dull. No. The next one comes from Drew Forsberg, who's given himself the title of unofficial head shit poster of the Fat Quota Question slash Do Go Oniverse.

And Drew has asked us a question. I should say I only read these out as I'm reading them out, so these are without notice to Jess and Dave and to me. out as I'm reading them out. So these are without notice to Jess and Dave and to me. But yes, so Drew's question is, can I please be the official? I love this version of a question. It's more of a plead. A fat quota question slash brag slash plead. Can I please be the official head shit poster of the fat quota question Question slash Do Go Oniverse? I mean, you've already given yourself that title. You don't have to ask us.

Your work has given me so many laughs over the years. I cannot repay you that my silly contributions to Fat Quota Question have occasionally made your chortle has been both affirming and fulfilling. Thank you from the bottom of my liver. Oh, Drew. Drew, stop. Drew. And no. You you from the bottom of my liver. Oh, Drew. Drew, stop. Drew. And no. You're bringing a tear to my eye.

Oi, you're saying no? Can't be called that? No. All right, well, that's the best of three. I'm giving him permission. Dave, you've got the deciding vote here. Well, I'm just thinking that, like, often shitposting is, like, tinned with a lot of irony.

So does he actually like us? That's a good point. Hey, I'm going to give it it's all your shit poster uh thanks for that drew uh drew's been i reckon drew's been a supporter since nearly the beginning he's been around long term uh next one comes from miguel acosta who's given himself the title of heir apparent of coastal nominative determinism. I lost control of that a bit. Nominative determinism. And Miguel is offering us a fact, which is, Howdy, friends.

You think you have free will? Since I learned to speak Portuguese, I came to realize that my path might have been paved since my paternal ancestors got the last name Acosta. Acosta in Portuguese literally means the coast. My great-grandfather was adopted in Brazil and taken to the small island of Puerto Rico called Vieques, where he lived on the coast. My grandfather moved from Vieques to the coastal city of Fajardo where my father was raised. My entire paternal family lives and breathes surfing, fishing, boats,

kayaking, swimming, et cetera. If it's on the water, it's our jam. My dad later joined the Coast Guard when he was four, when I was four. Oh, my God, that would have been impressive. And is still in active duty after 20 years. I've never lived anywhere far from the coast or the water, no matter where we moved along the East Coast. Now, in the year of our Lord, 2021,

I am joining the Coast Guard as a marine science technician with the goal to clean our waters and make sure that the future generations can enjoy the ocean as much as my family has. Nominative determinism or have I lost my mind? Who knows? Sorry for the long and wanky fact on my last name, but it's been itching my brain for a while and I had to tell you three lovely people.

I love that. How would you like to eat my shit? Goodbye. Laters. Bye. Fade out. Thanks, Miguel. I think that's nom would you like to eat my shit? Goodbye. Laters. Bye. Fade out. Thanks, Miguel. I think that's nominative determinism, sure.

Yeah. The next generation will just literally be coast. Yeah. And then fish. That would be a brutal birthing process. I'm giving birth to a coast. Thank you, Miguel. And finally, from David Loring with the title,

the guy who lives under your floorboards and every now and then you put your keys in a different place to where you left them. Okay, that's a creepy title. I always put my keys in the same spot, so. And I live in an apartment, so you're not under shit david's question goes like this hey parasocial friends you all seem like an even-keeled people so i'm curious what is slash is there a thing that people could do or say that would make you look them dead in the eyes say go fuck yourself and walk away or you're less

less controversial variant as need be uh david has answered that question there drop me down i'll give you his answer before you guys have a go david says mine is if i'm talking about something i'm interested in or something i've done and someone says either you need a hobby or you have too much time on your hands. So fundamentally dismissive that I'm not polite in my rebuke. Yeah, that does sound frustrating. You've got too much time on your hands. Yeah.

I would definitely feel like saying fuck you. Yeah. Depending on how much I knew him would depend on how much I let them have both barrels. I think for me the phrase that pisses me off so much, God, I hate how unoriginal and annoying it is, and that is when someone drops a glass and someone says, Taxi! You hate that.

I hate that. Oh, Dave, we can never go to a pub together. You yell that? I don't yell it. No. Often it's like a poor waitstaff member who's just dropped something and it's just some drunk idiot yelling. It's like, fuck off, mate.

I've got to go clean this up now, you dipshit. I hate it. I hate taxi. It's like, yeah, you should get a taxi and leave and never come back to this fucking establishment. Your alcohol rights are taken away. There you go. That's what I feel like saying, but really I just, I think it.

Yeah, good one. Yeah, what about you, Bob? Is there anything that makes you irrationally angry like Dave? Oh, yeah, but what do I get irrationally angry about? This is the kind of one I wish I asked you earlier because it probably needs a little bit of thinking time. Not for me, mate. My anger is always there.

You're like the Hulk. You're always angry. You'd get that if you'd watched the fucking Marvel movies. Is the Hulk from Marvel? Are you fucking? Oh, my God. Maybe this is the thing that pisses you off, huh? That was a fucking, I, oh, my God. See, maybe this is the thing that pisses you off, huh? That was a joke from me but maybe this is.

Because I kind of hate it when people will say, you've never seen this movie? Like, or you don't like this food? I'm like, yeah, who cares? That's something that always pisses me off. It's not going to make me say, fuck you, storm storm away but it'll make me roll my eyes at him and if i'm gonna like cut someone down it's gonna be pretty sarcastic as a lot of our live show audiences have experienced um i'm gonna do it in a sarcastic and sort of snarky way rather than actually just confronting what's pissing me off.

Yeah, I guess maybe that. Also, just genuinely anytime, and it's an obvious one, anytime people are like just overtly sexist or homophobic, transphobic, anything like that, I'm not, I can't, I can't not tell them to shut up, you know? Yeah, but it's worse when someone says taxi though, isn't it? 100%. Totally kidding, totally kidding. You're absolutely right.

Your one actually matters, but mine is. Thanks for clarifying that, Dave, because, yeah, I was about to write a pretty strongly worded letter to you. I just couldn't face that letter. Dear Dave, it is me, Matt. Yeah, if we're not, if we're taking out serious ones like that, I think maybe you both have said this to me even on this podcast

at different times. I'll say, I'll mention a band or something, or something, a movie or something, you'll be like, I wasn't even born when that came out. You can know things from before you were born. Like, have you heard of the Beatles? Yeah.

I wasn't even born then. Why would I know? I wasn't born then. Yeah. I don't know. It's possible things were written down, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Recordings do still exist.

Henry VIII, I wasn't even born then. Never heard of him. But, yeah, that does, I think after your answer, Jess, mine and Dave's feel pretty silly. I was just thinking of anything that would actually make me arc up at someone and that's about it. Other than that, I would just like silently judge them and walk away going, wow, that person's a fuckhead, you know?

Yeah. I think the example from David about people just dismissing your interests as if, oh, they're not mine, so you've obviously. Well, people used to do, I remember there was a bit of a wanky stereotype and I heard people say it for real at times, like, oh, I don't even own a TV, that sort of stuff. Ugh. You're like, oh, okay, well, that's okay.

Do you know one that does annoy me a bit, and this is a very specific to me pet peeve, but because I work weekends on radio, any time I tell somebody you knew that, whether it's like a doctor or like any time that comes up, people say, oh, but you've got to work weekends. And I have had jobs for about 16 years now. And six months of that was a Monday to Friday, nine to five job. I have always worked

retail call centres. But then even when I had like office jobs, I was working weekends on podcasts and radio and comedy and stuff, I still have time off. And because you work a Monday to Friday and weekends are precious to you, like what do you do on a weekend? You go to like a cafe. Who's fucking running the cafe? Someone who's working. Oh, some prick dropping a glass taxi, am I right? I always find that really very specific to me.

No, but that is, yeah. Yeah, people work on the weekends. I have my fucking dream job and I have Monday to Thursday off. Yeah, that is a funny idea that I really love my weekends. Yeah, my weekends on some different days too. Yeah, and I can go to the shops and it's not packed and I can park the car right by the front door of the shopping centre. People, I mean, now we're just having a whinge session,

but like people who are like, oh, sleeping in, are you? Yeah, I mean, I work at night time. Yeah. It's not lazy to sleep in when you're working. Later. Or whatever. I don't finish work at 5pm. I finish later than that, so I'm going to sleep in when you're working. Later. Or whatever. I don't finish work at 5 p.m. I finish later than that, so I'm going to sleep later.

A bit lazy. It's 12.30 right now. I'm not going to be up at 5 a.m. It's not happening. A bit lazy. I'm having a sleep in tomorrow. Kids of today, am I right? Always sleeping in, never getting anything done i find that funny

to just generalizing a whole group of people yeah which we probably do for laughs on the show a bit but it is like when people do it seriously it is pretty you're like how how can it possibly be true that you're just like sweeping up so many people into oh they all are the same yeah because they're of their age or where they're from or whatever. Or just projecting your life experience onto everyone else. Yeah, making it universal. This is what I did when I was younger. Yeah, I've never experienced racism, so I guess it doesn't exist.

It's like, oh, nah. I never had Ebola. Probably doesn't exist. Okay. I've never dropped a glass in a pub, so. No one does. No one ever does. Dave's crazy.

The other thing we like to do, unless you have any more. Oh, I could go all day, baby, but, yeah, let's move on. We like to thank a few of our other supporters. Jess only comes up with a bit of a game based on the topic of the day. We thank three Patreon supporters each for the game this week. We are going to name your eight siblings. That's not true. They're not doing that.

Oh, tough one. I'm not sure. Could're not doing that. Oh, God. Oh, tough one. I'm not sure. Could give him a nickname like Kick. Oh, I was going to say who would be your running mate in a campaign for the presidency. Mine would always be LBJ, but, you know, to capture the vote in the South. I'm right here. That's what I call you.

LBJ. The J is Jess. And L and B are for? Little bit. LBJ. The J is Jess. And L and B are for? Little bit. Don't worry. Actually, never mind. Little bit of Jess. All right, moving on.

Little brilliant Jess. Yes. Is that what you were going to say? You don't have to be shy about calling me brilliant. That's okay. That's a compliment. I love that. Thank you, Matt.

Okay. And I call you a piece of shit. PSM. So what this running, we're giving everyone a running mate. Yeah. And I'm guessing a real person. Well, Jess, you do the first one so I understand this bit a bit better. Yeah, great.

So first up, I'd love to thank from, I'm not going to say this right, Reigate in Great Britain, Jonathan Withers. Jonathan Withers, his running mate, is the Hulk. Oh, whoa. To really capture that Marvel and also instil fear in people who don't vote for him. Yeah, well, I mean, he's not going to get my vote because I don't like Marvel and also instil fear in people who don't vote for him. Yeah, well, I mean, he's not going to get my vote because I don't like Marvel and I'm very brave.

Dave, at least one of those things isn't true. Yeah, both of them are. I think Marvel's cool. I just don't really watch the movies that much and I'm not very brave. No. And you don't even own a TV. Taxi, get him out of here. I don't mind people not owning a TV, I should say.

It's fine. It's just a funny, whatever. All right, so they say, what have you been up to? Oh, I've been really enjoying this TV show. Oh, yeah, well, I don't even own a TV, that sort of thing. Yeah, exactly, yeah. In the sort of judgy way. Yeah.

Anyway, thank you so much, Jonathan. I'd also love to thank, from Christchurch in New Zealand, Imogen Wiggins. What about Imogen's running mate is Winnie the Pooh. Ooh, okay. Imogen Winnie. Never-ending supply of honey, though Winnie will eat most of it. Winnie is also going to appeal a lot to children who cannot vote. Have you heard of pester power?

No. Mum, Dad, please vote for Imogen, please. Okay. And can I have a chopper chop? That sort of thing. Kids of today always wanting chopper chops. In a Boston accent, that sounds like... Hey, ma, pa, give me a chopper chop.

Nah, I can't do that one. No, you nailed it. Ask what your parents can do for your country. Vote for Winnie. Thank you, Imogen Wiggins. And finally, I'd love to thank from Loveland, Colorado. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my God.

Cindy Fernandez. Wow. I think there's no way you're going to beat my three names here today. So who's Cindy's running mate? Oh, Lucy Lawless. Oh, good one. Okay, Xena. Xena, warrior princess.

Yeah. Diane in Parks and Rec. Great. What a combo. Cindy and Xena. That's a great combo. That's really good. I see them going all the way.

With E-X-N-A. No, X-N-A. No, fuck. Anyway, I fucked up how to spell Xena. That's really good. I see them going all the way. With E-X-N-A. No, X-N-A. No, fuck. Anyway, I fucked up how to spell Xena. Move on, everyone. Oh, thanks to people. Thanks, Jess. You can sit in your shame for a bit there.

X-N-A would be her number plate. X-N-A 69? Yeah. I would love to thank from location unknown, so we can only assume deep within the fortress of the moles, David Perez. Who's someone who's got a bit of mystery? Carmen Sandiego.

Fantastic. Yes. Great suggestion. I mean she's not showing up to campaign day. Yeah. Running, mate, more like running away, mate. Am I right? Am I right? Am I right?

See? It is getting later as time keeps moving on. We are losing our minds. Thank you, David. I would also love to thank from Seattle, Washington. Oh, baby, I hear the blues are calling. I would love to thank Robert Thomas. Rob Thomas?

Rob Thomas. Oh, my goodness. I mean, you've got the best number two man in Seattle. It's got to be between. Niles Crane. It's got to be between Niles and Dave Grohl. I think, yes, let's go with Niles Crane. Yeah, Niles.

It's got to be Niles. Niles and Dave Grohl. Who would be the number two man in Nirvana? Maybe it's Chris. Well, then what does that make, Dave number three or Kurt number three? Dave's number three. Yeah. Never really rated Kurt's work in Nirvana.

Yeah, what I do is I turn the bass up and I take everything else out. Yeah, I don't like the songwriting or the guitar or the lyrics. But that rhythm section. For the drums. Oh, all the lyrics. I really hit it for the drums. Ba-da, ba-da-da, ba-da-da. Oh, that is good. Yeah, you just looped the first five seconds of Smells Like Teen Spirit. I love Nirvana.

Finally for me, I would love to thank from Brighton in Essex, Great Britain, Lottie Hardeman. The only person I think I know who lives in Brighton is Nick Cave. Okay. What a great running mate he would be. Oh, that's great. I mean, you don't need Frank Sinatra to write your campaign songs. You've just got Nick Cave.

Got Nick Cave to write sad songs. That's great. He's popping up in everything I'm watching lately. He had a song in Doom Patrol, I think it was, that I watched this week. He had a pretty, a song in Harry Potter. I've been re-watching some Harry Potter. And he's the theme song for Peaky Blinders.

Oh, there you go. And there was one other one. He just kept popping up. He's obviously very loose with letting films and TV. You sent me that trailer, Matt, of that upcoming movie that he's got a small role in. Yeah, that's right, which is about he's playing an author or something. That's what I thought.

A couple of your worlds collide in there. Nick Cave. He's playing H.G. Wells, isn't he, in the news? Oh, wow. A Benedict Cumberbatch film. Oh, that's cool. So, yes, we think Lottie, your best running mate, would be Benedict Cumberbatch film. Oh, that's cool. So, yes, we think Lottie, your best running mate, would be Benedict Cumberbatch.

We got there in the end. Well, I would love to thank a few people now if I can, and that is we're actually going to stay in Essex. This person is from Eastbourne. They're simply known as Tom. I think, Dave, I'll hold you up there. I think it's pronounced Eastbourne. Eastbourne. they're simply known as Tom. I think, Dave, I'll hold you up there. I think it's pronounced Eastbourne. Eastbourne.

Thank you. And Tom, can only assume they founded MySpace, this person, but maybe not. Wow, that's cool. Tom from MySpace. Exciting. Great to have you here, Tom. I'm going to say, I mean, I'm being hog on these. Why doesn't someone else say one? Okay.

Their running mate is, I'm just thinking Aussie people, they'll never know. Okay. How about the Jeremy Clarkson from Top Gear? Oh, that's good. Is it? Yeah. I think he definitely would bring in some voters.

Yeah. You're right. He is prolific. You know how many books that guy has? Oh, my God. So many books that guy has? Oh, my God. So many books that guy. So many books. My dad has most of them.

They're all written by Ted Sorensen. A JFK joke there, everybody. Not many people on the board for that one, but still pretty good, pretty good stuff. And Tom Jeremy Clarkson all the way with Clark A. Okay. Thank you so much to Tom. And I would like to thank from Glendalough or Glendalough.

The Jeremy Clarkson campaign bus would be hotted up and would be made to sort of drive through the water or something. They always did like these challenges. Am I saying that right? Yeah, challenges, yes. Oh, I'm fucking losing this. It is so late, but we're going to keep going. From WA in Australia, Glendalough.

Did you say, Jess, is that how I say this? Well, yeah. I would assume it's named after the Irish counterpart, which would be Glendalough. Well, big shout out to Suze, S-U-Z-E, Suze. Suze. Captain Snooze. Oh, Suze. Captain Snooze. Oh, Suze and Captain Snooze.

Great work. Wow, Rod Quantock would be a great running mate. Oh, yeah. You'd probably have to be running on a pretty far out sort of platform. I think I've seen him say eat the rich on stage before and talked about how he did this great long bit about how which kind of rich people would be better eating and that sort of stuff.

Pretty fun. I mean, it'll be interesting to see if that matches with your political ideology, Suze, or if you're, you know, coming from two different fronts of the spectrum there. Which, you know, as we learned from JFK, not a bad thing. Anya Suze, thank you so much. And finally, I'd like to thank, from Edinburgh in Scotland, Thomas

Perrett. Thomas Perrett. I mean, for me, the ultimate running mate would be someone who's good at running. How about Mo Farah, champion Olympic runner from Great Britain? Okay. Great suggestion. You can't keep up with him, but honestly, he'll carry you across the line.

I think you are being quite literal in running, mate, but I love that. Yeah. I went straight to Poirot. Perrot and Poirot. Oh, yeah, that's good. Oh, I mean, David Suchet would be a fantastic backup. Yeah. Yeah, he's three, I see.

Rather than running, he's waddling. Matt Shervington is the backup, backup. Amazing stuff. What a reference. I haven't thought about Matt Shervington in a long time. Haven't thought about Shermo in a long time. You've got to get out more or less. You've got to get yourself a hobby.

Well, thanks so much to Thomas Suess, Tom, Lottie, Robert, David, Cindy, Imogen and Jonathan. The only thing left to do is thank and welcome in three, four of our long-term supporters into the Triptych Club. The Triptych Club is a beautiful place that exists to support and welcome long-term supporters of this show, being supporting us on the shout-out level or above for three years straight. And Dave normally welcomes them in with a real big hype up.

I'll read their name out. I'm standing on the door. I welcome in. Dave hypes you up. Then Jeff and Jess hypes Dave up. Thanks, Jeff. Because Dave, honestly, he is low on self-confidence with this. Dave normally also booked a band.

We are so lucky, everyone. We have booked Frank Sinatra, but he's only playing campaign songs, famous campaign songs. Get on your feet. Can you name any others? It's Time. It's Time for, is that Gough Whitlam's one? Yeah, maybe he's doing that one.

He's doing, I think, well, Bill Clinton used the Fleetwood Mac song, Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow, so maybe he does a bit of that too. So there's some popular songs too. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Ronald Reagan had Born in the USA, I think. Great. All right.

Well, there's four here. Oh, Jess, you normally have a little cocktail. Is there a JFK cocktail? Yes, it has juice, fruit and Kahlua. Oh, my goodness. It is. Which one's Kahlua? Coffee?

Not good. Fruity Kahlua. Sounds interesting. We do have a full bar. You can order anything else, but you can have the JFK. All right, so there's four names I'm going to read out. Dave, you ready to go? Oh, absolutely.

Hit me with these legends. Come on in, everybody. Now, Dave, I still want to hype you up, but it is late at night and people are sleeping, but I'm going to do my best. Okay. All right. So first up from Grange in South Australia, it's Paddy Harrington. Oh, nothing strange about Paddy H from Grange.

Yes! From Address Unknown, can only assume deep within the Fortress of the Mole, it's Ginny Stephens. More like Winnie Stephens. Hell yeah. Ginny Stephens sounds like a rock star name. From Lexington in North Carolina, quick fact about North Carolina, their fire trucks are actually blue. He's ruining the momentum. From Lexington in North Carolina. Quick fact about North Carolina. Their fire trucks are actually blue.

He's ruining the momentum. From Lexington in North Carolina in the United States, it's Rene Lazar. Ooh. Or Lazar. Ooh, Lazar. It's Rene Lazar. Fuck yes.

And finally, from Melbourne in Victoria, Australia, Alexandra CK. Ooh, what does the CK stand for? Cool cat? Yes. Yes. Yes, I think it does. So thank you so much to Alexandra, Renee, Ginny and Paddy. Legends, one and all.

And that brings us to the end of the episode. Anything else you need to say, Jess or Dave, before we boot this baby home? I just want to say that I love you. I love you too. No, not you. Oh. Nah, just kidding, you.

I've never felt such shame. I love you. I love you too. No, not you. Oh. Nah, just kidding. You. I've never felt such shame. I gotcha. I finally put my heart on the line. Dave being very quiet here. Who do you love, Dave? JFK. All right. I'm going to talk about him next week.

Yeah. Looking forward to that. If you want to follow us on social media and that sort of stuff, please do, uh, do go on pod on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. Uh, the website's do go on pod.com. All those sort of links are in the show notes anyway, including tickets for the upcoming Krish Mish live special. And, uh, yeah, if you want to, you can support us at dogoonpod.com

or patreon.com slash dogoonpod. Or just tell a friend. If you know a friend who might enjoy this JFK episode or one of the recent ones, pass it along to them and let them know there's a little bit of bullshit to get through. But once they do, they'll have a pretty good time. All right, well, that's the end. Jess, please finish this off.

And I will finish it off by saying, Dave, please finish this off. Thank you so much for listening. Until next week, I'll say thank you and goodbye. Later. Bye. Trying to get me to say goodbye first. That's not going to fly, buddy. I say goodbye last.

Goodbye. No. Goodbye. No! Goodbye. Wait. Bye. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge Indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from Indigenous voices. We can demand access to clean water. We can acknowledge Indigenous cultures.

Or we can learn from Indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future.