Two In The Think Tank - 317 - Lit For Clit, The History of The Clitoris (with Alasdair Tremblay Birchall)

Episode Date: November 17, 2021

Following his episode on Keen For Peen, The History of The Penis, our dear friend Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall tells us about the history of the clitoris. This is the second most voted for topic in Block 2021!Watch/listen to Al and Andy's 300 sketches from their show Two In The Think Tank:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EdFAFB1wRS0 https://play.acast.com/s/two-in-the-think-tank Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: dogoonpod.com or patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Stream our 300th episode with extra quiz (and 16 other episodes with bonus content): https://sospresents.com/authors/dogoon Check out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​ Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Just jumping in really quickly at the start of today's episode to tell you about some upcoming opportunities to see us live in the flesh. And you can see us live at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2024. We are doing three live podcasts on Sundays at 3.30 at Basement Comedy Club, April 7, 14 and 21. You can get tickets at dogo1pod.com. Matt, you're also doing some shows around the country. That's right. I'm doing shows with Saren Jayamana, who's been on the show before. We're going to be in Perth in January, Adelaide in February, Melbourne through the festival in April, and then Brisbane after that. I'm also doing Who Knew It's in Perth and Adelaide. Details for all that stuff at mattstuartcomedy.com.

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FX's Shogun, a new original series, streaming February 27th exclusively on Disney+. 18 plus subscription required. T's and C's apply. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnke and as always I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. Hello Dave. Hello Matt. Hey Jess.

And joining us this week is a very special guest. It is Mr Alistair Tremblay-Burchell. Holy moly. I can't believe I got to return. Oh, you're back. Happy block out. Hey, thank you. Happy block to all of you.

Thank you so much. It's a special time of year. Absolutely. For me, this is Christmas in my religion. Yeah. In my religion. And that religion is? Dugoanity. Yes.

Well, we were always worried that our Facebook groups were becoming more and more cult-like and there it is. Dugoanity. I wasn't worried. No. It was all falling into place.

Exactly. So it's very nice. I appreciate that, you know, I did so well with Keen for Peen that you had me back one or two years later. Honestly, I was thinking, was it this time last year?

Was it three years ago? I can't tell you. I have no idea. Me neither. Time has become a blur. We are all hurtling towards death. It's just good to have a moment with you before the end. It is, isn't it?

I think so. I think this is good i'm not sure anymore we'll soon find out yeah yeah yeah um but with this you're coming to tell us about the second most voted for topic in block that's right yes this topic i don't know if you know this but you have listeners and this topic was suggested by a listener by one of those listeners uh katherine conrad katherine conrad no relation really no relation to me to conrad straight at the at bathurst yeah no relation to me or to the restraint do you say no relation when you're talking about anyone do you just you fear nepotism? Yeah I fear people will think that I'm involved

in some kind of conflict of interest. Hey whoa whoa this is totally above board I am not related to this person. That's right. Yes.

And the topic that they have suggested now I'm going to create a question for that. Oh okay. What would you get if you were celebrating

if you the birthday? Yes. The birthday. The birthday. Yes. The birthday. The birthday. Okay. A cake? That's right.

For the pleasure center of the female body. What would you get? So let's say with the cake, right? You got the cake. Yeah. Right? And you're about to celebrate the pleasure center of the female body. Sure.

What would you get? What would you get? With the candles. of the female body, what would you get? What would you get? With the candles. With the candles. I think I know the answer. And even still, I'm struggling to connect it. Is this how the questions usually go? Is it lit for clit?

It is lit for clit. It is lit for clit. The candles would be lit for the clit. Or they would be literous for the clitoris. Yes. And so that is your topic. Wow. So good.

So you didn't come up with that. That was the title being come up with by Conrad Strait. I believe it is the massive Dugo honors. Yeah. Dugo onity. Christians. Dugoinians. I can't remember. Oh, yeah. That's not bad. Dugoinians. Yes Dugo-onity, Christians, Dugo-inians. I can't remember exactly.

Oh, yeah, that's not bad. Dugo-inians? Yes. Yeah, I like that. So this is really a follow-on from your previous report you did, which was, what was it? Keen for pain. Keen for pain.

Keen for pain. The history of the penis. That's right. And so this will be lit for clit, the history of the clitoris. Wow. I don't think we've explained the show. Dave, can you quickly explain the show for new listeners? Because I know big clit heads will be searching for podcast episodes about the clit.

Hello, clit heads. Hello, clit heads, one and all. Basically, what we do here is we take it in terms of report on a topic often suggested by a listener. This one by Catherine Conrad Strait. No relations. No relations. a report on a topic often suggested by a listener this one by Catherine Conrad Strait no relations no relations and we're doing our most requested

topics our biggest ones for the year basically we put a big poll out over 100 topics and we've done the top 7

this is the second most requested topic so no pressure Albert people love the idea it's fine yeah yeah and I want to be

up front here and admit that I don't have a clitoris not on my person at least yeah and I don't have a clitoris. Not on my person, at least. Yeah. And I don't own any in jars or anything like that. Okay.

And I also want you... You're saying that like it's a bad thing, but I reckon you come out looking pretty good. Yeah, great. Well, that's cool. That's great. But I mean, I want you to know that a lot of people with clitorises have died over the years, and some of them may have been happy to donate their clitorises to science to a jar to a jar science jar i think of those things as the same thing um anyway but i

don't have any and so like that's a defense when people like well actually uh i do own a clitoris look over here they point to a shelf that's right there is a jar just one jar it's the only jar on the shelf i waited for this day and it feels so good is the rest of the shelf empty or it's a it's a lone jar like on a bookcase i was making a completely empty shelf and i love that the clitoris having a clitoris made that person feel so good because that as you will discover is the purpose of the clitoris. I've always wondered. And I want to also... It's funny. This is the third mythical episode in a row. We had the...

Atlantis. Atlantis. We had the money pit and now the clitoris. And now the clitoris. Next week, I swear, we'll do something based in reality. Something that actually exists. based in reality. Something that actually exists.

I want to also be up front by saying that the history of our knowledge of the clitoris has been hampered over the sort of five to two thousand years that we've been fully aware of it in written form

by the fact that only men have been in charge of discovering and communicating information about the clitoris, and they have done a terrible job for a long time, and I hope to continue that tradition. So, but, you know, I'll do my best. But let's begin.

Before, do you want to read out Conrad's... That's what I wanted to do. Oh, sorry. So that's what I wanted to do sorry so that's what I wanted to know that's what I was about to skip it so thank you very much for the reminder so please here is Catherine Conrad's words seriously

please do an episode on the clitoris there's a hilarious and frustrating history of medical science ignoring or dismissing it altogether widespread mistaken understandings of what it actually is, including the size and shape, and half the population of the planet has one,

but even most thorough sex ed classes tend to skip over it. That last fact might not be true. I don't know. Maybe you should do an episode about it. Well, that last fact is also true. From what I've researched, it seems like not only do sex ed classes skip over it, but also many scientific anatomy books

that teach doctors about anatomy. Right. Skip over it. So, what is the clitoris? Well, people may know it as a nub. At the top of the vulva. So for many people, some people name that whole package

that women have the vagina. But actually, the whole package is called the vulva. So let's just start there. What do you call it? The whole package. The whole package. Great. i call it little dynamo that's great matt uh it's the little man the boat isn't it so i guess that's the boat the boat that's right okay great noah's uh um so the so it's a little it's a little knob at the top of the vulva that is the source of female sexual pleasure.

That bit, that little bit that we can see, is called the glans clitoris. It has a hood on it. And that's mostly all that we've known about it for about 2,000 years. We now know that 90% of its bulk lies beneath the surface. Look at the iceberg. And we now know that it% of its bulk lies beneath the surface. Oh, look at the iceberg. And we now know that it's also made of ice. Yes. That's right.

It's pretty cold. Notoriously cold. But we're going to go into that a little bit later. People think that the word clitoris comes from the Greek clitoris. I don't know how to speak Greek, so I don't know how to pronounce that. But which has been translated as both little hill and to rub, which they think is a play on words. Right. So it's like a play on words if the word penis came from the Greek words for pen and to whack off.

It'd be similar. So is clitoris a pun? I think clitoris could be a pun, a Greek pun. Like that. Yeah. So it may be a funny, a Greek pun. That's so great. So it may be a funny joke. That's amazing. I call this my hill to rub.

Little hill. Little hill. If only you knew how deep this hill went. That's right. They didn't know at the time there was a whole tunnel. There was a whole tunnel system. Okay. So here's a little bit about our history of our knowledge of clitorides apparently there's a plural of clitorises and it's not clitori it's not clitori

i don't know this is what i saw i'm not 100 sure because it's such an uncommon word that you can't even find a pronunciation thing um except for one of those There's only one that was done by like a YouTube robot. Yeah. And it just goes clitorides, clitorides, which sounds awful. And I think if it was

probably of Greek origin, then I think, I know with octopuses, clitoridi or something. The Greek, the Greek pluralization is octopodes. Yeah.

That's nice. That is real good. So clitorides maybe could be. Yeah, that's, that's much nicer. Because you told us the plural for penises is peenies. That's right. Which I love.

Peenies. Peenies. I think about that every day. Yeah, that's so nice. Well, now you've got a second thing to think about every single day for equality. Yeah, come on, Dave. And how many clitorides does a set of octopodes have? Well, I think one for every finger.

And I think they have eight fingers. I don't know. I'm sorry. I don't know. That's how they get the oct in the name. Oct clitorides. That's the second name for... I don't know.

They might actually have heaps. They might have none. Clitorides does make it sound like an old warrior. Oh, that's a great hero. Absolutely. They destroyed the sort of the multi-headed chimera, maybe. A chimera? It was like Hercules, Clitorides, and Agamemnon.

The three. And Agamemnon was a man in a boat, I think. I think he was the guy in Homer's Odyssey. So, you know. And at the time, that was the best way of getting from country to country. And so, being a man in a boat. Well, if you listen to our Atlantis episode, you would know that briefly in Atlanta,

they had nuclear-powered airships that could seat two to four people. That was a million years ago, though. So that technology has gone away. Much like a Toyota Echo. It was like cramped with four, comfy with two. That's nice. Yeah, yeah. Three was fine.

You could probably just have the back seats with a couple of sandwiches and stuff like that to get you through that long, long journey. A small dog or something. Yeah, yeah. To eat lighter. That's a good eating dog. The clitoris has been poorly understood for a long time. A lot of men throughout history have wondered what it was,

but not been able to put their finger on it. That's good stuff. A lot of articles have little jokes in them, and I thought I would try to put that kind of stuff in there, you know. So in 150 BC, physician Claudius Gallon professed that the clitoris was the female body's

failed attempt at a penis. He professed that? Failed attempt. Look at these weak little things. They can't even form penises. I assume that that's just penises. I mean, that implies, I suppose, that all humans should have penises,

but women were not quite able to. Too weak and pathetic. They had a try. Isn't it cute when they try? It was nice that you tried. Nice little hills. Not like our big hills. Our bloody mountains.

Some people say it's too big. Like everyone says that. Everybody is constantly saying that. Listen to me, I'm saying it. It's like I'm a parrot, I'm just repeating what they say. I'm quoting other people right now. It's all I know because I've just been raised listening to people saying that. sign that.

A 1486 guide to finding witches declared that the clitoral tissue on a woman was the indication of a witch.

So if you found some clitoral tissue. So if you had a clitoris, you're a witch? I think so. Unless it was

that people had tissues for their clitoris. Yeah. Very small tissues. And what is this? Holding up a smallis. Very small tissues. And what is this?

Holding up a small tissue. Ignore that sound. There's a lot of pollen in the area. Yeah. A lot of pollen in my pants. Somebody's happy to sneeze at... I don't know what that's supposed to mean. And this guide also called the clitoris the devil's teat, right?

Which I find, for some reason in my mind, I'm picturing the devil has used portal teleportation technology to put his nipple or teat through that and then come out at the top of a woman's vulva. Okay, I see. I guess so that people could put it in their mouths and then drink the devil's milk.

I'm not sure. So that's just my picture. The devil's teeth. You painted a beautiful picture. Thank you. When a French physician Charles Etienne dissected this organ, the clitoris, for the first time in 1545, he named it Membre Entu, the clitoris, for the first time in 1545.

He named it Membre Entu, the shameful member, and declared its sole purpose to be urination. To be urination. Yeah, that's right. But this will be our first technical bit of information about the clitoris. It doesn't have a urethra in it.

Disappointing. The urethra in it. Disappointing. That's because it's a teat. That's right. It's the devil's teat. It has a milk duct. No, no. The urethra is beneath the clitoris. Yeah, the clitoris is above that nonsense.

Exactly. Way above. I don't deal with urination. I'm above that. And so as you see, I'm just currently just going through a bunch of people who've mistaken what the clitoris was over the centuries, right? In the 16th century, oh, Italian anatomist. How did he dissect it? Yeah, he dissected it. And he found that it was a pee hole.

He might have dissected it. Without a hole. Yeah, he might have dissected it. He put the hole in it probably. Yeah. Was that there already? Yeah, that's where the pee comes from. Oh my God, people pee out of this scalpel-sized hole.

Interesting. I mean, maybe it was just blood coming out of it and he thought blood was pee. That's pee. He was calibrized. That's pee. That's pee. You know how people think that female ejaculate is pee?

They think that any fluid that comes out of a woman's vulva is pee. or it doesn't even matter their eyes why are you pissing on your eyes right now yeah that's pee ew why is there piss all over your face at your dad's funeral let me get you the latrine what's that toilet yeah okay great thank you i only know about clitorises i don't know about anything else another word for uh the toilet of course is the john and we're saying john and h episode of block this year for some reason the theme for block 2021 which we don't decide on the way in the thing no it chooses us and this year it is john that's so good i'm so glad we got to get it out early i gave the female name for the toilet, Latrine.

Yes. Beautiful name. Beautiful name for a girl. Have you seen Robin Hood Men in Tights? Yes. And the woman's name's Latrine. And he's like, beautiful name. She's like, it used to be shithouse.

It's a good change. It's a good change. Yes, that's exactly it. It's a good change. I remember at the end that Prince John got turned up, whatever, and he said, John, forevermore your punishment will be that toilets are now known as John's. Yeah. I didn't realize that was the original.

No, that was cool. I love a historical story. Wow. So the 16th century Italian anatomist Rialdo Colombo claimed to have discovered the clitoris. He raised a flag. Where's he from? Italian.

Yeah, the Europeans loved it. The Europeans loved claiming things that were already long discovered. Discovered it. Prove you were here first. Yeah, that's right. And so he pushed the native people off the,

sorry, the native people, the First Nations people off of the clitoris and set up camp. But he described it as, a certain small part, which is elevated on the apex vaginae, above the foramen from which urine exits. So he knows it's above the urethra, right?

And this, dearest reader, is that it is the principal seat of women's enjoyment in intercourse, so that if you not only rub it with your penis, but even touch it with your little finger, the pleasure causes their seed

to flow forth in all directions swifter than the wind this is a brag not a science paper yeah even if they don't want to i don't want to understand what he's talking about here um since no one since no one else has discerned these processes and they're working if it is permissible to give a name to things discovered by me it should be called the love or sweetness of venus it cannot be said how much i am astonished by so many remarkable anatomists that they not even have detected it on account of so great advantage this so beautiful thing formed by so great art wow so. So basically this guy fucks. That's what he's telling us.

He goes, I fuck. Dr. Fuck. Yeah, Dr. Fuck. Rialdo Fuck. He's basically... When is this? The 16th century. So then you got a minus one, 1500s.

He obviously didn't discover it, but in science, he was, you know, in Western science, he was the first one to... Like all the other virgin scientists scientists are like no it doesn't i've never heard of that yeah he that's what he's trying to claim but but people have basically known about it since like the ancient greeks and that's basically but i think where we've got most of our early writing from so they probably knew about it before that so it's basically me writing a blog now going guys you never believe what I've found. I've just discovered the piss hole.

And it is awesome. It is awesome. It is the centre of pleasure for men. If you just touch it with your pinky finger, from which the wind will carry pleasure throughout your body, even if you don't want to. You can try to resist the pleasure, but you cannot. You cannot.

If you just put a small pencil in it. I'm not sure. Yeah, that would be great if a scientist, this is like a real niche fetish. Yeah. He thinks he's discovered the secret to coming, but it's because it's the only way he can come. You put a pencil, particularly sharpened.

All the way in. All the way in. Eraser as well. Eraser. I'm coining the phrase eraser deep. It should be almost impossible to get out again. In fact, you should be able to ejaculate it out. That is where the real joy comes from.

That is, I believe, how people can get an erect penis. By putting a pencil inside of it. By ejaculating a pencil out of their penis, then you will be rock hard. I'm sorry, that probably got too descriptive. But anyway, so apparently... At what point, Al? Yeah, no, you're right. Come on, Al.

So apparently Rialdo was having a... He was actually having a bit of a... Let's see, he was feuding with Gabriel Fallopio. Of Tube fame? Of the Tubeio. Of tube fame? Of the tube fame. The Gabriel tube. Gabriel tube. But apparently Fallopio actually didn't even call the Fallopian tubes tubes.

He called them Fallopian tubas. Tubas. Tubas. But I think that it was actually the Italian word, even though it's tubas, I think that might be the Italian word for trumpet because they kind of just come out to a horn. I think the it was actually the Italian word, even though it's tubas, I think that might be the Italian word for trumpet because they kind of just come out to a horn. I think the tubes.

Right. Which are tubas. Which are called the Philippian horns. Yeah, the Philippian horns. Honk, honk. I don't know that area above the mom's pubis, whatever it is. Anyway, forget it. I love what you think of as a horn as a clown horn.

Honk, honk. But they're feuding. They're feuding, yeah. They're feuding over the clitoris? Yeah, I think he found, you know, this guy was, you know, throwing shade at him with this thing. It's like,

all other anatomists can't find it. They have not got a clue. They don't know what it's all about. I do, right? So, but, you know, I don't know. Nobody wins have not got a clue. They don't know what it's all about. I do. Right? So... But, you know, I don't know. Nobody wins in fights like in war. You know? So...

They moved on from that. Oh, actually, I think Gabriel thought that he also found the clitoris. I found it first. The Dutch anatomist Reynier de Graaf did a comprehensive job of describing it in the 17th century the clitoris even discussing

the crucial clitoral bulbs right which we don't know about yet we don't know about this yet so this is kind of a sneak peek the clitoris may have bulbs oh my goodness like an onion sort of similar

buried below or like a light do onions grow underground? Yeah. Yeah. Well, if you think of the woman's skin as the ground. Yes. And I do. The bulbs.

The bulbs. I'm so sorry. And I'm sorry to all female listeners. And I apologize. And please correct me at any point and tell me to shut up at all points. No, no, no. I will never do that. Al, don't just be sorry to female listeners.

You should be sorry to all listeners. All listeners. Thank you very much. But also they wanted this. Yeah, this is what you wanted. It was the second most voted for topic. This is great. Thank you very much.

And you're the only scientist we know. Who else would we get to do this? You are a scientist. You're the only engineer we know. You're the only close thing to a scientist that we know. You know Andy. I know Andy. You're the only close thing to a scientist that we know. You know Andy. I know Andy and he knows stuff about Newton. Yeah.

I think you're also one of the few people who would be up for doing this. Great, doing the thing about the clitoris. I mean, personally, I'm like, I wouldn't know where to begin. That was the penis one. We had it in the hat for so long. Yeah. Hot for cock or whatever it was called. Hot for cock.

Hot for cot. Hot for cot. But yeah, we were like, it'd be great to do it, but how the fuck would you do this? And then we asked you to and you nailed it. Yeah. I love a bit of biological history because I'll be going into some biological history after this. Oh, bloody Tom.

Right now, I'm going more into the history. I really hope we hear about primordial soup. Yeah. I skipped to the soup because I feel like I did soup. I might have touched on soup in the penis. Oh, a lot of soup. Might have touched on the soup in the penis.

Jesus Christ. I just call that the penis. Yeah, I don't get it and that's not for me to say. The Keen for Pe got to have one together. I just call that the penis. Yeah, I don't get it, and that's not for me to say. The Keen for Peen episode of Do Go On, I just call it the penis. That's what I think of as the penis. And my next episode about the penis will be about that episode. Anyway, so that Dutch guy... Oh, yeah, the bulbs.

Described the clitoral bulbs. And in the 1840s, a German anatomist, George Cobalt, published an extensive account of female genitalia, their spongy tissues, muscles, and nerves, and blood supply. But he didn't connect all the internal bits as one structure. The clitoris, fed by one nerve complex and a blood supply. Is that because he wasn't an engineer? This could be. It could be that he didn't think like an engineer. An engineer would describe all bits as one clitoris.

I don't know what's happening over there. I'm like going, onions are bulbs, right? Yeah, I looked over and I could see on Matt's computer he'd Googled onion. They definitely are because I'm like, I'm so paranoid about people going like getting upset and annoyed and and being frustrated through that not being able to concentrate again he called onions bulbs he means i can't listen anymore i'm so furious he meant

tulips tulips. Tulips come in bulbs. Sorry. It's okay. Sorry, Googling. I put glasses on. I'm tapping a pencil on my mouth. Onions. I'm going to Google onions. And the answer is?

Yes. Onion bulb. A short modified underground stem surrounded by usually fleshy modified leaves that contain stored food for the shoot within. An onion bulb or a tulip bulb. Al, you know your bulbs. Yeah, I'm a big bulb guy.

That's why I chose this topic on the clitoris. So that was the 1840s. And then there wasn't really much more. And part of that is because of Sigmund Freud. Because in the early 1900s, he declared that clitoral orgasms were immature. It was like a childlike thing. And that vaginal orgasms were mature and womanlike. So a man decided that.

Yeah. He's still having clitoral orgasms. How immature. Like a child. Pretty much a hack stuff. I only date women who have vaginal orgasms. Exactly. I'm single.

Haven't been able to find one yet. And it's not me. It's certainly not date. I'm single. Haven't been able to find one yet. And it's not me. It's not me. It's certainly not me. It's them. It's them. And the vibe that I'm getting is that because he was just such a high profile guy with such an authoritative voice on stuff.

I've heard of him. A lot of science was like, oh oh we better not spend any time on that yeah that seems like it's a childish pursuit or whatever and so in 1948 the 25th edition of the seminal gray's anatomy never heard of it uh removed 19 wow yeah well that's season 25 that early well they removed the clitoris completely even even from their anatomical book. Why? Just because I guess they didn't feel like it was important. Oh, because Freud said it was... Maybe because of Freud.

But can they do that with other things? They're like small toe. What's it do? Don't even draw it. Yeah. Who cares? And when the clitoris did make a comeback in later editions, the only part you could see... Don't call it a comeback.

The glands was there. It was a huge comeback. you could see I call it a comeback the glands was there it was a huge comeback so what would like so young doctor

like people training to be doctors would be using these books what would they do when they would come across a clitoris on a patient oh

whoa a tumor you've got some sort of cancerous growth there obviously it's a little nub oh my god your body's so gross yeah

like this well it's funny that youub. Oh, my God. Your body's so gross. Yeah. Like this. Well, it's funny that you should mention that because it wasn't until a effing legend known as Professor Helen O'Connell came along, right? And she is Australia's first female urological surgeon in australia australia in australia but um okay and she i think graduated from that in about 1994 wow so 1994 and she was angered by a book she was angered by last's, which was the book that she had to study for her exams. And in the 1985 edition,

it had almost no mention of the clitoris, and it had no illustrations, and yet there were two pages on the penis. But to top it off, aspects of female genitals were described as a failure of male genital formation.

In 1994? Yeah, yeah. So that was the 1985 edition. And I think that's what she was still studying. Yeah. And it was basically what some of the earliest men had said about the clitoris. It was basically still opinion then. It was like an arrow that said failed penis.

Failed penis. There was also a chapter about how ribs were removed to create Eve. Eve, yeah. But as we discovered in the Keen for Peen episode, that may have been the baculum or baculus

that they removed. The missing penis bone that made Eve. Which badgers still have? Which badgers still have and most mammals, I think, still have. So how did they make badger women? Oh, good. Well, maybe there was just never a badger Eve.

Or maybe the badger's penis was massive and they just cut it in half. Oh, good point. They just removed, like, you know, like there's the bone leg and the thigh bone. Yeah. But then there's the knee and then there's the other leg bone. That's probably what it is. They just removed the knee. The penis knee.

The penis knee. The penile knee. Yeah, that's right. The penile elbow. That's why it doesn't bend. Yeah. And that's how you get women badgers. Women.

That was common belief until 1985 that's right and so then helen who by the way i've discovered grew up in preston really close to where i live and i'm i don't know there's just this thing and you'll you'll see why i like this lady so much but i know you're climbing really close to where you live but i mean it's really close to where we are now as well al you don't have to take that for yourself hey i'm like we're all close to helen and i just want people to know i live near people where people grow up who are cool right um so she but then she also came across another book a uh a university of melbourne social scientist showed it to her a few months after finally passing her surgical exam oh no so i don't know she passed her surgical exam in 1989 but i can't remember what happened

1994 she maybe became a professor or something like that something at that point but it was called a new view of a woman's body and it was published by the u.s federation of feminist women's health centers and it was full of drawings of vulvas and for the clitoris chapter the researchers who wrote the book the female researchers took off their pants and basically compared themselves with illustrations in respected anatomy texts and then they masturbated observed each other to and took notes on the many parts of the internal and external clitoris that were changed by or contributed to sexual pleasure or orgasm, right? Wow, wanking the science. Yeah, well, Helen O'Connell found it really cool.

And even though this technically wasn't official science, it was like valid. It was more science than like scientists had done in thousands of years on the clitoris to try and learn more about it. So and she noticed that in the book, these researchers had had no access to dead bodies or dissection rooms. So they had to just rely on old anatomy texts. And that's when Helen realized she had access to dead bodies and dissection rooms at the University of Melbourne. Oh, thank God. I've got heaps. Yeah. I've got a basement.

And so where she was studying her Masters of Medicine in Women's Health. So she led the first comprehensive anatical study of the clitoris. Masturbating corpses? And it was led by... I think for some reason while you said that,

I then pictured it was like somebody going... Said to Helen, they go, somebody's done a little bit of... Done an episode of a podcast on your research. Sorry, Helen, if you are listening. Fantastic. I want you to know that even if that did happen, I want you to know I think it's a valid way of doing it. research. Sorry, Helen. If you are listening, fantastic. It's amazing. I want you to know that even if

that did happen, I want you to know I think it's a valid way of doing it. You've got to figure out if dead clitoris still stimulates. It's science.

That is science. Yeah. Well, otherwise, yeah. We still wouldn't know. Well, that's right. And so... And we know, right? And now we know.

Now we know. The clitoris dies with the body. Yes. We were worried that it was still sentile. Sentile. What's the...

Sentient. Sentient. Sentient. Senile. It's lost its mind. Along the way. It's lost its brain. Along the way in the research for this,

you know, it came across some stuff. One, and I think that this is false and I'm pretty, I would say 95% sure that this is false. But one, somewhere they claim,

someone claimed, the clitoris does not age. Well, that's because there's a picture of it in the attic. That is, of course, getting really old. Yeah, real haggard. Do not go up there. This is like, this ain't your grandma's clitoris. It's up in the air.

I don't know what that was trying to say then. This ain't your grandma's clitoris. It's up in the air. I don't know what that was trying to say then. This ain't your grandma's clitoris. No one said that before. Anyway, again, thanks so much for listening, Dr. Helen. Dr. Helen O'Connell. So she, yeah, the first comprehensive and ethical study of the clitoris and was published in 1998. clitoris and was published in 1998 and so that was the first time that people got an actual clear view of how big 1998 1998 how big and how deep how deep this really goes i had to wait for windows

98 before the computer and and then she did another study in 2005 and examined it under MRIs in living people. Wow. Living women, right? So she found that modern medical science was mistaken about the clitoris. The small button or glands that you can see is just the tip of the iceberg. Exactly. I'll point it to me. So she found...

I didn't just butt in. So she found that the organ actually looks like this, right? iceberg. Exactly. I'll point it to me. I didn't just butt in. So she found that the organ actually looks like this. So here's a couple of models of it. So we have the glans clitoris here, which is the bit that is exposed. Is that made of plasticine? Some people wear them as

necklaces and earrings. Some of these are now just available on Etsy. You can just click search for clitoris anatomical and you will find all sorts of stuff. I think a bunch of different companies just sell them so that people can... Or even I think there's files that are like for 3D printers and they just go, hey, make this at home. And so this was only known in the last, what, 30 years?

In the last 20, 23, 24 years. That's amazing. And Dr. O'Connell was still part of this research? This was all her. This was all her? This was all her. Like, literally, she was just frustrated. She was like, Jesus, I can't believe this is missing.

Jess talks about it sometimes that whenever we get in a report and there's some vague mention of Australia or in Melbourne, we're like, holy shit, this is wild. Did you know that? A Melbournian scientist. That's massive. This lady, she's also the... This is actually just something she does.

Was she Australian of the year that year? This year, I think she got an Order of Australia. Wow. Is she on the $20 bill? She should be. She should be. Or just like the tip of her nose. And they go, there's actually more of her on the other side.

And then on the other side, you see the other bit where she's just sticking her face through the... That's very good. But she's the director of surgery and head of urology at Western Health. So just like a hospital in the west of Melbourne. She's the director of surgery and head of urology at Western Health, so just like a hospital in the west of Melbourne. She's working now. She's only in her late 50s or something. What? And I'm hoping that I get some kind of urethral obstruction

just so I can meet her. Yeah. I hope that for you. I hope that for you. She's a surgeon. Like a pencil? A sharpened pencil, maybe? This is just stuff she does on the side basically.

And she, like most of the time she just spends like, you know, unclogging people's urethras and like doing like fine little, like she's busy. She's busy. She ain't got time for this. She ain't got time to listen to this. That's why I think we're safe. Yeah.

Right. That's me playing in the surgery. She's playing it in the surgery. And also how there'd be so many podcasts out about her you know after you've listened to a hundred you're like i'm over it exactly and probably a lot of them have her interviewed on it yeah you know they can probably go like we'll just call her yeah but she's heard those ones exactly she hasn't heard this one she wants to hear three straight white dudes talk about that's right. And a woman. Don't consider yourself a white dude.

Thank you so much. I would never. I think she did consider herself nothing at all there. She said just three. I'm not here. You know, you deserve better than that. Thank you. You know, the most important relationship is the one with the voice inside your head.

And you got to let it know that you are alive and exist. And I'm here in this room. So, let's try and describe what the clitoris looks like. He's just talking over me. Yeah, that'd be right. When a feminist talks, he just talks right over me. Sorry, I was just trying to... I realised that I've maybe made this episode too long.

He was trying to do go on. No, you can't do that do that no you can't make it too long no sorry no we did what was the episode recently atlantis last week was a bit or two weeks ago was like almost three hours okay you're okay thank goodness and you're doing great how would you describe i mean look this is how i would do my first attempt at trying to describe the clitoris. I would say it's like the middle bit of the three-pronged bit of the Mercedes-Benz logo. So let's say somebody badged your car. It's a Mercedes-Benz. Then they take the circle bit out and you've got those three prongs. It's one at the top and two down the bottom.

Oh, yeah. Like that? Yep. And then you bend the top bit down and create kind of like a little bird beak. Yep. Right? And that's where the clitoris, that's the bit that comes out. Yep.

So you see the beak. You see the beak. See the beak. That's the devil's tip. And then on the inside, there's two, there's these long things, those two long prongs. They're called the crura. And then underneath, there's just like two big sacks two bulbs right

which are known as the bulbs they also have another name Al leaned in to read that yeah just to confirm

just checking my notes here bulbs yeah some of these wait one of these isn't labeled properly but look but then you can also see

I would also say it kind of looks like a futuristic supersonic plane. Yeah. But due to the, you know, maybe what we've done to the environment, that has to carry big bags of water underneath it at all times to put out all the fires. Yeah, so many fires.

That looks, as an engineer, would that work as like a building or a tent or something? Would that be structurally sound? Structurally sound? If you put a canopy over the top of it? Maybe if you had two clitorises interlocked. Yeah. Like that. And you get a triangle.

If you sort of scissored two together somehow. Yeah, if you scissored two clitorises together, you could maybe get shelter underneath it. If you maybe put like a clitoral hood over the top. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, maybe multiples. To me, it looks like it would be able to, one, float, and two, swim quite well.

Yeah, it's like the Muhammad Ali of genitals. That's right. I would say that. Floats like a butterfly. Yeah. Swims like a bee. Swims like a bee. Sort of floating on the top.

Yeah, you've got to help it out And then it's got to spend time drying itself It dies anyway But you felt like you did the right thing But you can see here So this here is actually like the vaginal hole That one was for me I know the B, honestly I've probably prolonged your pain

But I feel better In the end isn't that the main thing? What you should have done is just picked up more water In your hand Cupped more water And put it straight on top Or got a Tiny little pillow

Just I'm sorry Set up a little hospice It's okay A little hospice scenario Sending a priest I'm not religious The bee would say

I don't want this Sorry We're forcing a priest on you. Amazing last words. Just in case. Last words of a bee. I'm not religious. I'm not religious.

Look at that. Look at that croak to the buzz. As its sort of, those weird eyes roll into the back of its head. I don't know if you can see that. But you can see here, look. So this is the thing. This is the urethra. But then you

can see like on the inside here, this is the vaginal hole, right? So the walls of the vaginal hole are basically lined with this, these huge bulbs. So any pleasure that is experienced on the inside is

actually through access to the clitoris. Cop that, Freud. You fraud. You stupid idiot. All orgasms are clitoral. They're all mature. Clitoral.

They're all mature orgasms. No, they're all immature orgasms. Yes. Oh, yes. I know I have a lot of very mature orgasms. Yes, I know. They're old and dusty. Yeah, they've got subtitles.

yes i know like old and dusty there's no dialogue i do it into a book um you know i tip my hat at the end i put my monocle back on um yeah and so there's but most of the nerve endings are on the glands clitoris. It has something like three to five times more nerve endings than the penis. Cop that. Cop that. So really a penis is a failed clitoris. In many ways, it's not achieved the heights.

Dave, you don't have to put penises down to lift clitorises up, mate. But you can. Oh, you can. Yeah, you don't... You put penises down to lift clitorises up, mate. But you can. Oh, you can. You can do it. You certainly can. Yeah, I mean, I suppose if you put down enough clitorises, then you could lift a penis up with it. Forget it.

Okay. I'll try. So like I've basically just explained, under the pubic bone, the organ looks like a wishbone uh with a body of up to four centimeters long coming out of it are kind of legs or crura up to nine centimeters long and also these kind of bulbs that are about seven centimeters long if someone wanted to just quickly go i imagine a lot of people already have but what would be the search term you put in a google that diagram if you just um if you write if you write clitoris

real shape or clitoris and anatomical i think i tried to type in just before when i was in the car trying to finish this off uh i typed in while driving uh just in the drive in the parking lot okay i i wrote i did write in clitoris real and all shots were just of vaginas. I want to see the scenario where you're driving and researching clitoris and a police officer pulls you over and you have to explain that. Why have you got books open? There's an encyclopedia Britannica open on your lap. Chances are that officer would learn something.

Absolutely. Well, exactly. And that, whatever the fine was, I could deduct uni fees from that. From his uni fees from that. And so all of these are sensitive areas that are made of spongy tissue and become erect, just like the penis. So they're erectile tissues that fill with blood and just plump up. Honestly, this is a classic man scientist everything's through the lens of the penis this is this is quite uh in nominal but seriously like

there's a lot when you're when you're reading about this they keep using this word it's the homologue of the penis i think homologue was the word they use it's homologous to the penis right and it's basically saying it it has the same position homologue's the word they used. It's homologous to the penis. Right? And it's basically saying it has the same position. Homologue is not a bad euphemism for a penis. Yeah. Jeez. Homologue. Because homme would be man from the French or the Latin.

And log would be wood. Like lumber. Yeah. From the trees. Yeah. Oh. From the trees. That's their word.

That's their word. That's their word. So, O'Connell's discovery was important for like really practical reasons, right? It gave surgeons a map

of key nerves, blood vessels, and connecting parts of the clitoris so they could try to avoid destroying sexual sensitivity during any pelvic area operation 1998 1998 so like

people have just been like things like that right just like not knowing what there's that there's just stuff going on in there like this is like so it's basically like she what she's done is create like dial before you dig. You know that? I'm about to use a jackhammer in my front lawn. Is there any pipes or anything under there like that that I should check? And then they send you a map of the pipes and then you go, oh yeah, I shouldn't. I shouldn't stick a scalpel in this part of the garden. Dial before you dig. That's got to be an international thing.

And if it isn't, what are you missing out on? That's why I attempted to describe it in a sort of pretext to get people's context. Surely it is. Yeah. You need something like that, right? Like a little stud finder. A little stud finder, but for sort of water mains. You know, I was visiting my folks the other day, first time in ages, back to the old childhood home.

And I had this flashback to when I locked myself out when the family was away one time and I tried to break in with a chisel like trying to like wrench open a window which I couldn't do and in frustration I threw the chisel down it was one of those chisels

that had like a sharp point at one end into the ground and it burst a water pipe holy crap the odds of that like a water pipe. Holy crap. The odds of that, like a small copper pipe. Wow. I just threw it down

and the water spurred out. And I'm like, what has happened? Were you like, I found a well. Liquid gold. So, I mean, I need to know.

Water. Apparently that pipe hadn't been buried as deep as it should have been. And what did you do? Did you have to turn the water off and then? I mean, honestly, it turned out to be an awful, not really, but I walked to my Nana's place, which was about a half an hour walk away, and she was in the garden, and I'm in my pyjamas being locked out.

I walk up. She's guarding in the front yard, so I'm there to go. I need to call a plumber or whatever. I get there and she goes, Matt, you remembered my birthday. Oh, no. And you were so excited to see me over that you walked here in your pyjamas. Yes. Yes, Nana.

Happy birthday, Nana. Can I use the phone? Oh, and then Helen, did you have to have, you had a full like Devonshire tea. And then finally told her? The house is flooding, but Nana's happy. We got to save Nana's feelings. You explain to your parents, they're like, you've done the save Nana's feelings. You explain to your parents,

they're like, you've done the right thing for Nana. That's incredible. Were you able to fix the pipe? Yeah. Before your parents got home, did you cover it up? Yeah, eventually, yeah, called a plumber. I obviously at some point found a way to work it into the conversation and Nana recommended a plumber and and we got it fixed

but um that is so great yeah that's so funny matt you remembered my birthday how old were you i would have been like 16 or something so i'm imagining so it's daytime nana's in the garden but you're in your pajamas so it's got to be like early afternoon or something knowing how you love a sleep in oh i bought those for you for christmas i thought you'd wear them as pyjamas but that's all right that's pretty cool street wear i love grandmas that use the word street wear street wear my grandma says street wear what do you reckon that's just pretty cool she's in a relationship so forget about it

I know what you're thinking forget about it can't date my nana she's taken death is in our air this year's most anticipated series FX's Shogun

only on Disney Plus we live and we die we control nothing beyond that an epic saga based on the global best sellingselling novel by James Clavel. To show your true heart is to risk your life. Will I die here?

You'll never leave Japan alive. FX's Shogun, a new original series streaming February 27th exclusively on Disney+. 18 plus subscription required. T's and C's apply. Hey, while we're just having a quick break from the report I just thought it'd be cool to tell the listeners about An epic thing you did this week Or last week

I thought it was quite epic And Dave, Jess and I were involved as well Yeah we I'm a part of a podcast called Two in the Think Tank Where we come up with sketch ideas It seems like it's a niche idea But it's itself a niche idea But then we come up with sketch ideas. It seems like it's a niche idea, but it's itself a niche idea.

But then we come up with even more niche ideas. And it's you and Andy Matthews, a famous scientist. Famous scientist. And he's done a couple of reports on this show about Matthew Brady, the gentleman Butcher Andrew, which I imagine Jess would remember that one. Very well.

And the Isaac Newton episode. That's right. In which, this was a couple years ago you all had a nice funny conversation about isaac newton's two lost years during the great plague and you're like and i suppose like i suppose there's this kind of thing where like you know everything gets very plaguey and uh and you just kind like, you stay in your house a bunch and things like that, and you all laugh like, those olden days were so hilarious. Imagine losing two years of your life. Imagine that.

Oh, gosh. And every one of those years still counts towards your age. Yeah. How crazy. That's so unfair. A couple of phrabies? I think it should be phrabies. You think of them as phrabies?

I think they should be deducted off. Chuck them at the end. Yeah. So any plague years, you just go, you know, you remove them. And that way you get your accountant to do your age, basically. I mean, as this works, does that mean you're on your deathbed, you die, and you're in horrible pain and you get two more years of that? That's right.

That's right. I don't know. They tack them on to the end. Anyway, so with Andy. Oh, yeah. Sorry. We did our 300th episode. Now, every 100 episodes,

we celebrate by challenging ourselves. Usually on a regular episode, we come up with five sketch ideas. But on the 100th episode, we came up with 100 ideas. And that took 11 hours to do. Then we did the 200th episode and that took 16 and a half

hours right and so that was already a huge and we got guests on things like that then we had the the third one which was 300 episodes we had to come up with 300 sketch ideas and somehow we managed to do it in uh 18 and a half hours right so you were all involved that was only a couple days ago there's a YouTube clip of it on a stupid old channel. The whole thing. There's also it on my Alistair TB Twitch stream. It's also there.

That's your favorite way of getting videos. And then it's also going to be on our Two in the Think Tank podcast if we can manage to upload the file. I watched before I came the file I was I obviously I watched before I came on and I was on

so I watched quite a few hours of it and I'm like as you were counting down towards the end I'm like I've got to watch till the end now

you finished you got your 300th and then you said and now to recap the three and you've talked for another 45 minutes I'm like

on the couch with my eyes sort of like... We have to read through the 300 sketches. I was watching and I thought you were joking when you said, now to read the 300. I went, good one. He's going to read out the 300 sketches. And then you're like, number one, blah, blah, blah.

Number two. And I'm like, oh, he's doing it. But it was great. It was like, I mean, it's very funny to hear them all condensed down to that one line pitch. Yeah, exactly. And I think it kind of makes you feel, because I mean, during the episode, I'm going like, oh boy, this is slow. This is slow, and I don't know if anybody could possibly enjoy this.

But then when you read it back, you kind of go, ah, there's some stuff in there that could be used as potential comedy. So yeah, how much of that ends up forming your next festival show with Andy, do you think? It depends. It's like, look, it all just goes in a big pile. Yeah. And then we just, we use them every now and then. We think, we go, well, like next year's comedy festival, we're doing a show.

It's kind of a lawyer-based show. It's like a courtroom-based show. And so any ideas that we've come up with over the last seven, eight years or whatever, we can just go, what court cases have we come up with, sketch ideas, and then we can just use it. Sometimes it becomes one line or sometimes it becomes

like, you know, a five, ten minute bit. That's sick. That's pretty cool. That's cool. So yeah, there'll be a link in the show notes

where people can watch that or if you want to listen to it on the whole back catalog of podcasts. Obviously, there's 300 of them now. Some people have, yeah,

there's like 312 because it was going to happen in August, but then lockdown six happened and then we were like, oh boy. And we were very happy to delay it. But yeah, thanks very much for letting me know. I should say while we're plugging things,

I lived out some sort of a dream this week. I've got a little cameo on Damien Cowell's new song. He's a singer from TISM, Humphrey B. Flaubert. I'll sing a little cameo on Damien Cowell's new song the singer from Tism Humphrey B. Flaubert I'll sing a few verses on the new song Hamster Grammar Rocks Your Party

it's very cool yeah so I can't believe it so I'll put a link to that in the show notes as well it's like part of a web series he's animated the whole series himself as well

it's released weekly but the song in it starts about two minutes in, but I'm pointing downwards. I'll put that in the show notes as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then now you just need to let Gary Ablett play in one of his family games of football, right?

And then all your dreams come true. Gary Ablett? Yeah. No, no, not Gary Ablett. The one that you like. Frankie Peckett. Yeah, Frankie Peckett. All right.

But you wouldn't say no to... Plugga Lockett. Hey, Peckett. All right. But you wouldn't say no to... Plugger Lockett. Plugger. Plugger. You wouldn't say no to a game of kick to kick with Gary Ablett though. Yeah, I don't think so. But it wouldn't be a dream come true.

No. Well, I don't know. There's definitely... Gary Ablett Jr. Yeah, I think he might be a better person. That's what I... It's you, Piggy in the middle, the two Gary Ablets

And then they're kicking it over your head And you're going Oh stop Stop Stop Gary One of you is really mean I think Yeah I mean Being between two Garys

Now that's a dream That's whether they're Ablets or not Absolutely Alright Anyway We should get back into this Report Because I tell you what I'm absolutely lit for clit right now Yeah Great Absolutely. All right. Anyway, we should get back into this report. Because I'll tell you what, I'm absolutely lit for clit right now.

Yeah. Great. Are you guys all, everybody lit? Oh, yeah. Pretty lit. Great. Well, let's go to the formation of the clitoris in utero, right? So we're not going back to the soup, but we are going back to the womb.

Well, we are going to go back even further later, but I just wanted to kind of do a bit more of this. Because I feel like it's important to get a good clitoral context i think so this is kind of like hmm that's me you're probably wondering how i got here yeah exactly i'm doing that in about three different chunks like that right so now all babies regardless of whether they are going to become a boy or a girl um they begin development in the womb with a tiny little bulge called a genital tubercle. A genital tubercle. Which tubercle sounds like what you would get if you combined my last names, Trombley and Birchall.

Yes. That would be, yeah, for efficiency, we should start calling you Alistair Turbacle. Yeah, Alistair Tubercle. I like it. Yeah, it's not too bad. I like it better. Yeah, because I've always thought, if I was going to combine it, would it be like Alistair Berlay?

Oh, that's pretty good too. Lounge singer, Alistair Berlay. Alistair Berlay. Alistair Tromchal. Okay, that one's bottom of the list for me. Yeah, Alistair Tromchal. But no bad ideas. Hello, I'm Alistair Tromchal. Alistair Tromchal, and I'm here to fuck.

As opposed to, hi, I'm Alistair Burleigh, and I'm here to fuck. That's right, and I'm here to fuck. You're always here to fuck. No matter what. Except for Alistair Tromchal. Alistair's just here to discuss options on what we can do. He's here to learn. And none of those are fucking.

I apologize. I'm swearing so much. So that's... Sorry, Dr. O'Connell, if you're still listening. At like 10, 11 weeks, basically all fetuses have the same nub. They have the exact same nub. It's kind of like...

It's a bit folded. There's kind of folds around it. You can almost, right? There's like a, there's a kind of folds around it. You could almost see something that kind of looks a little labia, you know, labia majora-ish around it, but it's kind of just like mostly like, like this. And there's kind of like an underlying little kind of like gap like that. But anyway, it's just a nub, right? But then if the developing fetus is going to become a male, the fetal testes will produce a male hormone, like testosterone, and the genital tubercle will develop into a penis.

If, on the other hand, it's going to become a female, the fetal ovary will not produce any hormones, and instead the genital tubercle will develop into the clitoris. So it's the same thing turning into a penis and a clitoris. But that makes me think that if you don't add anything to it and it becomes a clitoris, then we should always be saying that the penis is a homologue of the clitoris,

which feels like it's the default. Right. Yeah, that makes sense. I don't know. That's just me. Yeah. If we get like, next time one of you says

the clitoris or the penis is a homologue of one or the other let's get it right yeah please because i'm hearing people say it all the time yeah well when you're in the world that i'm in which is in the world of rapidly trying to research the clitoris um and over a couple of days and science my connection to andy um you do see it a lot on web pages and things like that on facts about the clitoris right that the wrong way around hey i see it the other way around yeah yeah right and they keep saying oh it's a homologue of the penis like that's like like stop trying to contextualize it via the penis for me um and i only say that because we don't try and contextualize the penis

via the clitoris you go if you want to get context on the penis, just think of it as like a homologue of the clit. Yeah. Okay. So now since the penis and the clitoris both develop from the same structure, they share many similarities. The clitoris has a hood in humans, right? And this is the same as the foreskin in males. And the clitoris has glands, which is the same structure as the head of the penis. And both the penis and the clitoris become engorged with blood when stimulated.

And both structures are full of nerves, which, at least in humans, provide a pleasurable sensation when stimulated. Now, this is another thing I've noticed, is that scientists are very careful. They don't want to just say that all animals, clitorises, cause pleasure. They're just like, I don't want to... I don't want to speak for giraffes. I don't want to speak for giraffes.

We haven't asked bats. You know what? I'm not one to speak for marmots, but the clitoris may or may not cause... I mean, they only discovered the human stuff in 1998. So there hasn't been enough time to catalog all the... Give them a chance. Yeah, exactly.

But I have discovered that all mammals have clitorises. Female mammals. Now, though both organs function to transmit and receive sexual sensation, the penis contains the urethra, which provides the means for expelling sperm and urine from the body, which we learned in the... Sperm and what?

Sperm and urine from the body. I thought you said urine. Urine. I probably should have been able to piece that together. That's what we call it back where I'm from. Sperm and urine. I'm going to go expel some urine. I just thought there was...

Because now when I was flinched on, I'm like, there's another fluid? I thought like sperm came out. Anyway, whatever. The third fluid. You don't need to know what my, those two seconds, what my brain did there. Holy shit, everything I've known is a lie.

Urine? Urine. Sperm and urine. P, sperm and urine. Which is urine sperm. That's the mixture of the two. That's not good. Yeah. I've been listening again to Alan Partridge's autobiography.

Yeah. And he meets his first wife. They connect because he says, I've always thought that there should be a third caffeinated drink. Why has tea and coffee got it all? And he goes, well, what am I doing? I've had this idea for 10 years and no one's ever agreed with me. Why am I saying this to her?

And he said, but she agreed. And they sort of hit it off after that. What about Coke? Coke's got a caffeinated drink. And they sort of hit it off after that. And what about Coke? Yeah. Coke's kind of a... Might have been hot caffeinated drink. Yeah, you're right. I apologise.

But then he said he went for... He suggested that there should be a third standard condiment apart from salt and pepper. And he said, but I lost her at that point. What would it be? Paprika? Yeah, maybe paprika paprika nutmeg or cinnamon chicken salt if you get a certain italian restaurant you'll get parmesan yeah parmesan yeah that's right that dry long long life cheese um but okay but the clitoris is only function only known function is to give sexual pleasure to a woman doesn't push out

any germ it contains two to three times as many nerve endings as the penis so we already know this okay

so where does the clit come from you don't mind me calling it clit right now do you yeah I'm lit not at all I mean it's in the episode title

I know I'm just checking in otherwise it's what is it consent is an ongoing thing alright so if at some point it kind of becomes too yucky. Yeah.

We could call this episode literature for the clitterature. That's a great idea. Is it? That classes it up a bit. Yeah. Exactly. That's a more of a mature orgasm. A more mature orgasm.

So now this is where I'm going to get technical for a little bit. And I know in the first episode, I got real technical really early on and Matt's face scrunched up. But it'll get technical for just a little bit with this one. Because I'm going as close to the soup as I can get with this. Okay. So the beginning of the clitoris starts when we evolved the sexes for having sex. Right? So at some point, there were no sexes at all.

Right? Humans have two sexes for making babies. Some organisms have more 100 100 for some pond swimming protozoans and mushrooms use 30 000 and can mate with any of them but their own wow that's sick that's what a great fact yeah yeah that's pretty cool imagine you fall in love with you got a one in 30 000 chance of falling in love with a mushroom you can't have a kid with. I know. Isn't that crazy?

I'm sure there's other options. That's fine. Some mushrooms will just choose not to have kids. That's true too. That's a valid choice. Well, you can actually live a very full life. Very happy. And it's actually probably going to be a bit easier.

Except for having that conversation with people. You don't have to wait for your 50s or 60s to travel. Yeah. You can do that throughout your life. Absolutely. And you won't have to pay for two or three extra plane tickets. Anyway, but before any of that, the first thing you could

call a kind of sexual intercourse occurred between two things that were neither male nor female. These things would mix sex cells of the same size, right? Now, the reason why I say that is because the difference between males and females is that males produce a small sex cell, the sperm or pollen, right? And females, their female counterparts produce big ones like eggs, right? Now, basically the theory goes, and I'm trying to tell you the origin of sexes here.

The theory goes that inside each of our cells, we have a little thing called mitochondria, which is like a little bit of machinery that helps convert food into energy, right? And that happened a long time ago. A single cell had basically a small friendly parasitic bacteria that came in and started living in a symbiotic relationships with our cells, with cells, right?

And they propagate as our cells divide and in animals pass from mothers to their offspring through eggs, right? And while they seem to be working for us, these mitochondria, they have actually no reason why they need to continue to do so because they can carry their own DNA and they can mutate if they breed, right? So they could, in theory, get a new strain of mitochondria that's very good at replicating but not very good for humans. And one way to prevent such a spread is to avoid mixing mitochondria when you have sex, which is basically starving them of a partner.

And the way that we do that is, the way to avoid that is that males simply shed most of their mitochondria when they make sperm so that you only get mitochondria from your mother through the egg. So I know this is very complicated, but basically I'm saying if the mitochondria inside your mother through the egg right so i know this is very complicated but basically i'm saying if the mitochondria inside the cells interbred then they could potentially become a new organism that isn't good for living for for the big living organism a human or you know a badger or whatever but we've avoided that the two. By creating sexes that have different sized sex cells. And the sperm doesn't carry the mitochondria. It just basically sheds it or sheds most of it and then interbreeds.

So that means that your mitochondria is, I think, basically the same going through your mother line. If you follow through the mother line, you can go all the way. It'll be the DNA that goes all the way back to the first the first woman wow I believe that's amazing

I think I'm not 100% sure is that why some some religions they it passes on through the

mother's side is that right maybe Judaism yeah yeah I think so I wonder if that's based on that

mitochondrial DNA maybe and so that's why on that. Mitochondrial DNA, maybe. And so that's why we have sexes. Anyway, if you were ever wondering. That's why we don't just like go like that and split into two and just have a copy of ourselves or whatever like that. That would be good.

I mean, it'd be cool, but I think... You'd skip like the toddler stage, you know? Yeah, that's right. You would only make, I guess, increasingly old versions of yourself. I think I need a part a friend a partner oh i've double booked myself you rock up to a tennis court or something like oh it's doubles day that would be useful that would be handy okay so But then your double splits off and says,

we're friends now. Oh, so we don't like you, mum. Oh my God, brutal. Kids can be so brutal. Oh, shit. My kids are very, they're getting to that age. My age. My age. So where in nature do we find clitorides right well where do we last leave our hero

some science scientists suspect that orgasms originated 150 million years ago right now i think that's when they found that's when they found the first fossilized O-face. That's a joke. I don't know how they actually know that the first orgasms may have originated 150 million years ago. Can you just, for me and anyone like me, explain what that means? What's an O-face? An O-face. I think it's supposed to be the face that somebody makes while they're orgasming.

You have to ask. I fell for a trap. You have to ask. That tells us everything for a trap. You have to ask. That tells us everything we need to know. O-face. O-face. Oh, I call it something else. Yeah, well, mine's actually so good,

I call it O-weak. Actually, my person, when I cause orgasms in another person, their face contorts so much and it becomes an M face. That's what they're... Oh, fuck. That's like, that's an F face.

That's their mouth makes an M face. That happened. Right, it's like Mount Vesuvius was erupting on you and then you're stuck like that forever. Someone picks you up. Oh, hello. Dad doing what he loves. M face.

M-ing. M-ing M-ing M-ing other people so yeah like I said all female mammals have a clitoris the clitoris also exists

in turtles ostriches crocodiles and in bird species where the male has a penis a lot of birds have cloacas and so they just

they have what's known as cloacal kisses in order to, in order to procreate like that. Yeah. But think of that coming from the butt. I am. A butt,

a butt that has a hole that, first of all, cloacas are my favorite thing. I was going to say, you are, you are, I hadn't heard of cloacas before you told me about them.

And you're the only person I ever hear talking about cloacas. Well, you'll find out about it when I come back for the third episode in this series wacker for cloacas oh i think the campaign starts now so while a ton not a ton is known about animal clitorides, we know that they can be hugely varied. Most clitorises or clitorides, I don't know, in animals are inside the vagina.

There'll be more on that later. That's quite interesting. Recent studies have found that dolphins have large and well-developed clitorises, quite interesting recent recent studies have found that dolphins have large and well-developed clitorises which make scientists believe that sex may be pleasurable for female dolphins through clitoral stimulation right yeah i've heard i heard that for a long time that they're the only other animal that bones for fun they do it for fun yeah uh and they think that perhaps i'll skip to here but there is a thing here that they think that oh I can't skip ahead because it's a mess. We'll talk about that a bit more later.

Female hyenas have unbelievably huge clitorises. Like, they have... I see it, but I don't believe it. Half foot long clitorises. What?

That look basically exactly like penises. So I'm picturing, obviously I'm picturing half a sub, a subway sub. Exactly. Six inch sub. That is.

You're seeing a meatball sub. Holy shit. Because they actually look, that's a big clit. They appear, they also look with what appears

to be testicles or testicles. I'm not sure how to pronounce it. Which is the other Greek hero. Testicles. Which actually, what looks like testicles

is actually their folded labia and their folded and fused labias. They also get erections and they also give birth through their enormous clitoris. What? They also give birth through their enormous clitoris. What? They also give birth through their enormous clitoris. Apparently, they give birth to two-pound pups,

and there's a high rate of unfortunate, in first-time mothers, tearing and them dying, because it's a lot of pup to push through. I did not remember David Attenborough telling me about this. Glitterous. No. Yeah, the Lion King

didn't go into this either. Yeah. It's so great that I can laugh about it afterwards. You know hyenas? Hyenas, I don't know if it's all hyenas, but spotted hyenas

are a matriarchal society. Is that true? And the females are like the big aggressive ones. Right? And it might be, I don't know if it's linked to the size of their clitoris, but when mating, the female will retract the penis-like clitoris, like, I think like pushing up a shirt sleeve.

So like, I imagine that it kind of bunches up and then slides up into kind of what is like a just a sort of a you know it's creating a sort of something that is a bit more opening like rather than a sleeve which the male inserts his own penis which they think this is the kind of weird crazy thing a lot of these aggressive matriarchal moms have a lot of like kind of testosterone. I think they're called androgens. Yeah. Those kind of males that they're called androgens.

And the really tough ones like pass on a lot, pour in a lot of like androgens into their young. And apparently that is, is important for them, for their babies because it makes them more aggressive and more. And when they live in like packs of like 60 or 80 hyenas and you're fighting over food that gives you a huge advantage to be hugely aggressive like that and it makes them more likely to try at a younger age to have

sex with with females which apparently they need a lot of practice at because the female genital is so insane that you just need a lot of practice to just be able to get it in. Whoa. So these ones are more likely to be, I think, successful because they come from like real aggressive moms and they get all this stuff. Oh. This is, yeah, just kind of, anyway, real crazy. I was just thinking in The Lion King, isn't the Whoopi Goldberg hyena the head of the pack?

Maybe, yeah. So that makes, that's interesting. So they got that right that it was sort of a matriarchal. Thank goodness. Yeah.

Elton John wrote that movie, right? Yeah. Elton John and Tim Curry Rice. Tim Curry, Tim Rice. Tim Curry, Tim Rice. I forget which part of the dish. Which part of the dish wrote that one.

They work so well together. And Tim Yogurt actually is. Yeah. He added a little something. Tim Mango Lassie. Yeah. Yeah, they got that right, but the wise monkey is incorrect.

Yeah, right. Monkeys aren't wise. No. Well, no. I'm trying to think of the character's name. Rafiki. Rafiki, yeah. So it's just not anatomically correct.

Right. It's got a tail and it shouldn't or vice versa. It's supposed to be a mandrill? It's meant to be a mandrill. a tail when it shouldn't or vice versa. It's supposed to be a mandrill? It's meant to be a mandrill. And mandrills at like not long before that, maybe five years before that

mandrills were discovered to be a separate species. Before that they were sort of all in under baboons. So I think the Disney animators were using old information. And they kind of merged two animals together.

It's like, do your research. Do some research. Hopefully they'll listen to this before they bloody make a Lion King 2. Well, they fixed it up, I believe, for the live action one. Yeah. I believe they fixed it up. That's good. How funny to think that man or humans discovered the mandrill

before they discovered the clitoris. Yeah, that's right. Well, it's got man in it. Scientists were interested. Oh, Aries picked up a little here. We've got to figure out this mandrill. Sounds kind of badass. So here is another thing.

Many animals have bones in their clitoris um like i mentioned in the penis episode most mammals have a baculum well this stop using the penis episode as a tree trunk or whatever i know i'm sorry what was it i can't remember uh homologue homologue homologue to this one well the reason why is because i'm trying to set up a joke. This one. Shut up. This one is because, so this one is called the Bobellum. It has another word. I think they also just have it as like Oz clitorides or something like that.

But it's the same thing with the Oz penis. You can call that the baculum. But I think this one's called the Bobellum. And it made me think about that guy who, you know, if Eve was created from Adam's penis bone, then the missing penis bone in Eve suggests that God may have created a third person, possibly non-gender specific, right? That we don't know about yet. I'm just suggesting wow you know and and whether or not that person has a bone in their genitals will will suggest how far this how deep this goes where do you think will that will be discovered i you know i think it's about it's

it's for bible scholars to look into this but. But I'm just suggesting there could have been three people in the Garden of Eden. And they might have been in a throuple. I'm just suggesting that it's a real reimagining of it. I'm just saying if that penis bone is missing. Wow, that will change everything in terms of the teachings. Absolutely. Because they do talk a lot about i grew up catholic they talked a lot about the traditional yeah i don't remember them actually talking about

that a lot the traditional throuple the traditional throuple this this is gonna this is gonna be big think how much more accepting people will become yeah you know they'll be like well you know i mean i'm a bit conservative i'm just in a in a couple you know, it's also fine in God's eyes to be in a throuple. More than fine. That's how he intended it. Yeah, that's the way God intended it. If anything, I'm the sinner. Well, God's in the throuple.

The God. That's true. The Holy Son. The Son. And the Holy Ghost. And the Father. And the Holy Father. Yeah.

I mean, is it fine? He is a throuple. He is in a throuple. All right. Hopefully we are not edging too close to blasphemy here. Ah, yes. Ah, yes. Ah, yes.

Yes. Ah, that thing that I'm always very worried about. Non-human primates almost certainly do have orgasms, but they're still not sure whether all mammals experience orgasms. There's a guy called Steve who swears they do. He's working hard in the labs. God bless you, Steve. With some labs.

It's because it's very difficult to measure pleasure in animals. A lot of times when it looks like they're smiling, it's just their mouth is open. Yeah, we put our thoughts on animals a lot, don't we? I know when I'm orgasming, I always smile. I always open my mouth. Yeah, I always pant with my tongue out which is what i call my q face very good i like that all right it's a mountain erupting freezing it in

place um capital q you see what i'm saying um okay oh little q still works now um this these kind of last few bits are going to be a you know, my positioning of text is going to be a little bit all over the place. But the interesting thing is that, like I mentioned earlier, the clitoris is inside the vagina for most creatures, right? But the human one isn't, right? And so why is that? The clitoris is coming from inside the vagina. The pleasure is coming from inside the vagina. The pleasure is coming from inside the vagina. I don't know.

I've been watching some horror movies lately. Hello? Do you like scary vaginas? What's your favorite scary vagina? Literal fact. So, one thought is that ovulatory cycles, ovulation cycles in women, that's when they release an egg. Females of the species. Ovo, dive, bang, the Latin for egg, probably. And is the plural ovules, maybe?

I'm not sure. Eggs. I think that's where the eggs, eggs might. Eggs. The word you're looking for is eggies. Eggies. So what we have, which is ovulatory cycles, they have only evolved in a few lineages of mammals, right?

So it's actually quite rare to just have eggs coming out on a timer. Egg time. That's what I call it. Egg time. They just come out in cycles like that. Because our ancient mammalian ancestors originally relied on ovulation triggered by sex with a male. So those ones developed clitoris inside the vagina because you're just walking around. You're walking around the bush, the jungle, the savannah, the winter one.

What's the winter one called? Tundra. The Arctic tundra. The Arctic tundra. And you might not encounter males that much, right? And so it would be crazy for you to just be ovulating at random times like that and then just like, oh, miss the cycle again, you know? So what would happen is that these ones had developed with a clitoris inside the vagina.

And so when there was sex, that would release hormones from the clitoris or the clitoral stimulation would release hormones, which would then signal the body to release an egg. And so then when the sperm would start climbing up would then signal the body to release an egg and so then when the sperm would be start climbing up then the egg would have come out

and then does that sound like a better system or a worse system it's a way better system that's a way better system that's what I thought oh my god

yeah although we would probably have more accidental pregnancies yeah because now we can have occasional although you shouldn't yeah

if you're I'm not going to give any advice here you're right it would be I'm not going to give any advice here. You're right. It would be more. Hard cut to Alan Court. Being sued for people having babies. A class action. There's like a thousand people who have got the answer.

We heard on a podcast. There's the do-go-on baby bump. A scientist apparently. There's the bloody. The do-go-on baby bump. Because after the Lit for Clit episode everyone had unprotected sex in what they thought was

a sort of a no-egg time of their cycle. Alistair, he went into great detail about the rhythm method. Yeah. I do love rhythm. I'm a drummer. You like that hun the best form the best form of contraception is just drumming in front of your lady oh man um so wow so then so it's only inside mammals that have evolved these cycles in

which the clitoris has moved away, right? Outside of the vagina. So it might not even get any contact during penetration, right? Which, for me, right? This evolutionary moving out like that makes me wonder, where do you think the clitoris is going? You're going to kind of keep moving up and out? Where is it hidden? I mean, we know with whales, right?

You're going to kind of keep moving up and out? Where is it hidden? I mean, we know with whales, right, their nose evolved over time from when they were land creatures to the top of their head to become their blowhole. Yeah. Right? Yeah, we know that. Where's the clit going?

I think it could be going to the tip of the finger, could be going on top of the head. So what's the clit's end game? What is the end game? Well, autonomy, I reckon. It could become its own creature. It's eventually going to sort of bud off from the body

and just maybe sort of swim. Yes, it's a great swimmer. Float like a butterfly and swim like a bee. As we mentioned earlier. And you'll probably just find them in your sort of, in your common, you know,

your garden, your garden ponds and things like that. You'll be able to... Oh, look, honey. Oh, look at that little family of clitorises. Maybe they'll grow into frogs or something like that, whatever the clitoris version of a frog is. A very happy animal. A very happy animal. And then women will, of course course no longer have any pleasure at all

Sounds about right Any pleasure at all They can still enjoy a nice game of Scrabble or something like that You don't need a clit for that Al No you do actually, you need a clit for that Do you really need a clit for that? Matt you need a clit to drive a car I'm wondering how you did it hands free

Now while they don't know whether other animals a car. I'm wondering how you did it hands free. While they don't know whether other animals You know I'm a very good driver. Yeah, that reverse path makes way more sense now. She got the biggest van I've ever been in, into the smallest park, with this sort of move.

One hand, palm on the wheel, round once, round the other way and we're in. I'd had a go. Yeah. I reckon for half an hour. That kind of practice. She had first go just whoomp, whoomp. I don't even, I was starting to believe it wasn't possible.

To get that kind of big thing into such a small space, your mum's got to pass on a lot of androgens to you in birthing time. Yeah, thank you, mum. Thank you, mum. Now, while we don't know whether or not other mammals have orgasms, what is certain is that females who stick around longer during the act of mating are much more likely to become pregnant and produce more offspring. So if a clitoris does enhance enjoyment,

then it would be strongly selected for in nature through increasing the female's chance of having offspring. So if a clitoris does enhance enjoyment, then it would be strongly selected for in nature through increasing the female's chance of having offspring. So we don't know for sure whether, you know, other animals, it creates pleasure, but this is kind of the theoretical argument for that it probably does. Wow. Right. And although the clitoris is not well studied, there is evidence of larger clitorides, yes, in animals in which sex plays an important part in relationship building. Examples include the matriarchal hyena, the bonobo chimps, humans,

and of course the dolphins, who we know now have huge clitorises. So maybe more pleasure then plays more of a role. So I'm kind of coming to the end here, but what I've noticed is amongst all the research, I'll just read what I said, but amongst all the research, I'll just read what I said. But amongst all this research, I know that there's so many questions, so many articles that are like asking, what is the evolutionary purpose of the female orgasm? Do women even need them?

Actually, it's a fluke that women have orgasms because they're pointless from a breeding point of view. Right. And they should be thankful that they get anything. Right. Yeah. So there's so much of that kind of stuff out there. point of view right and they should be thankful that they get anything right yeah so there's so much of that kind of stuff out there and it kind of seems like it just because it's not needed for you know popping out an egg or whatever like that and it kind of seems to like a lot of the time

ignore it feels almost like oh you know like it ignores a lot of stuff about um when this is kind of my opinion right but and it's not scientific but this is my of my opinion, right? But, and it's not scientific, but this is my reason why I think, of course, women would have orgasms. Some people are saying, it's like,

oh, it's like male nipples, right? It's just a leftover thing from, that women have, that we don't need, but, and they say,

well, it's just a thing that men have that women don't need, but they just get it as a gift, right? I think that that's stupid, right? I think that there's probably evolutionary reasons. You think the idea that there as a gift right i i think that that's stupid right i think that there's

probably evolutionary you think the idea that there's a gift yeah body that is kind of it's just like oh it's just a nice thing and blah blah but it's i think it seems silly to think that there's no evolutionary reason and these are my own but non-specific evolutionary reasons right firstly when do we use our clitorises, right? Usually to chill. When it's not for reproduction, we just masturbate to relax and cut stress and clear our heads. That's when I use mine, right?

Basically, I'm saying that we know that it can have some kind of therapeutic effect, right? And I reckon in nature, not that I can imagine people masturbating just alone in nature, but it must happen, right? Back in the day. That there would be some evolutionary advantage to not being stressed out and feeling good. That would be one thing. And then I would say that the other one is that it would also be useful in figuring out if a mate that you currently have especially long-term mates is

is actually willing to put time and care into you like because firstly everybody deserves to come and you shouldn't always have to do it no i'm just joking but you know like but i'm just saying that like there is an evolutionary uh higher level mate selection thing that goes on where you find out more about a person if they're willing to do things that they don't have to do and they just do it as a kind act towards somebody because they care about them. I feel like that helps in select and partner selection and not just for breeding, you know,

and I think that can play a good role in long-term survival and i think that but these are just my own things and so i'm ending with this pseudoscience of my own you are a pseudoscientist i am a fake scientist and so i think everything that i say should be fake science um and so that i would say is the history of the human clitoris great work fantastic stuff but obviously there's one question left and that is do you think it exists yeah we always ask about the mysterious yeah after all your research obviously we've heard a bit today it sounds like it exists yeah but like i'm skeptical you've been we also had a lot of scientists who don't believe it exists. I think that the human clitoris is actually just urine. So that's my opinion,

but I'll leave it to the scientists to make the actual decision. I think it's mole people. Mole people? I think mole people are involved somehow. That's just them sticking their nose out? Yeah. So is that not actually the devil's teeth? No, it's the mole's nose.

Mole's teeth. No, it's the mole's nose. Mole's nose. That's how they feel their way around. They're blind. Like the clitoris. Yeah, you never said anything about the clitoris having a side or not. Hair had eyes. No. As far as I know, it doesn't have an eye.

You're thinking of the anus. You're looking right into the eye of the anus. And the eye of the anus. You're looking right into the eye of the anus and the eye of the anus stares back. If you look long enough. Wow. Again, Al, I think I never learn any more than when you come in here and talk science. I'm sure you do.

I'm sure you learn about Atlantis. You learn about all the murderers that you cover. The blowhole being a nose, that seems to be the thing that's stuck in my mind the most. That's what I hoped on an episode of The Clitoris. This is how much men don't want to know about female bits. They only remember things about whales' noses. That bit where you mentioned a whale was interesting.

The rest didn't hear a bit yeah just didn't connect to it for whatever reason that's cool you did say something right at the end which I

feel like will be quoted out of context you said something like everyone deserves to come yeah I think everybody does

deserve to come I think that one will be on t-shirts I think the important thing is also knowing that like some people who are listening to this have not been raised

to feel okay with any kind of sex stuff and that you know you should know that basically the only reason that you're here is because of sex stuff and you should at least be able to enjoy it and knowing more about your body will aid that in some

sense. Hopefully. that is beautiful al please don't feel bad about it there's so many things to feel bad about yeah so many but right now we're all i don't know if i want to speak for you all but i'm feeling lit for clear yeah yeah the we are illuminated for clituminate dave's finally ready for his first time yeah all right oh my god it's gonna be to be great. Wish me luck everyone. When you put your penis into that first clitoris, it's going to be so hot.

We find Dave in a hyena. No, no, Dave, no. No, Dave, no. Thank you so, so much, Al. That was our second most requested topic and I think only you could do it justice. Thanks a lot. Thank you very much for having me. And if you got dirty jobs,

dirty science jobs or dirty, you know, any kind of topics that you don't want to get your hands dirty with, please allow me to plunge my hands into it and pull it out so that I can show you. Well, I look forward to whackers for whackers whackers for whackers is so good so good i think the other big thing i learned was that we have a science legend in the neighborhood yeah dr helen o'connell yeah amazing absolutely and so

so funny that she's not like well i mean maybe mean, maybe she is very well known. She's well known in clit circles. Right. But she's getting, you know, everybody should know about it. It's almost like living near Einstein. Yeah. She's like the clit Einstein. I mean, like, I would say, how many anatomical scientists are still alive now who have made gigantic breakthroughs? I'm so surprised

it happened in our lifetime. That's amazing. It happened too recently. Yeah. That sounds Nobel Prize worthy to me. Yeah, absolutely. Was she in the conversation?

I hope so. I don't know. I don't know. But she should be in the conversation. You said she got an Order of Australia. She got an Order of Australia.

They didn't say for clitoris, for clitoris stuff, for clit stuff, but they should. It was for singing or something. They said the community and stuff like that. It's a lot of the surgery stuff. But I reckon it should just be like the clitoris stuff should just be up top.

People are still thinking, like a lot of doctors are like, why do you study the clitoris? Isn't that a bit obscene? There she is. There she is. So good. She's so cool. She's very cool. She's like, yeah good she's so cool she's very cool

she's like yeah she's still young yeah I'm half expecting a black and white photo I know yeah

she would have been like in her late 20s or 30s when she did the first research what a cool cool person absolute legend

and you are an absolute legend Al and we can hear more of you on 2 and the think tank of course the podcast we talked

about you can check out the video or hopefully the podcast of the 18-hour 300 sketches. And if they want, they can listen to the Pop Test, which is me and Andy's science quiz show that we get through the ABC Radio National. But also, there's going to be another season

we're going to be recording in December. And so if you listen to it and you go, oh my God, I actually do enjoy this. And you know, like that, well then you could, there's going to be more coming. That's very exciting. Any chance of a Clit-based episode? At the moment, you know, the national broadcaster is more conservative than the national do-go-honor.

Yeah. So, no, but not yet. But, you know, I use up all my good stuff on you guys. Thank you so much. But honestly, that show is so funny. And also you learn a lot. You and Andy packing so many facts about a certain science topic each week. It's awesome.

Thank you so much. It's not, yeah, it comes in seasons. But, yeah, but it's very fun to make. And much more difficult. Do go on. You have to like, no you don't know for like two and i think they can just show up and you record yeah or is this you're gonna actually do heaps of research yeah even probably more than we do here because then somebody we have to have a fact

check or look over it oh my god yeah we don't have that no yeah yeah we've got twitter for that yeah and it keeps us humble i think so yeah people should go back and listen to the, I keep saying Hot for Cockles, actually. Keen for Peen. Keen for Peen. Keen for Peen episode. And yeah, and stay tuned. Maybe if you're listening to this in the future,

also check out the Whackers for Klawhackers episode. Thanks so much for joining us, Al. We'll let you move on with your life, and everyone else should hang around and we'll uh get into everyone's favorite section of the show what a great report from alistair but um yeah now he's gone so let's move on forget about it forget about it it's in the past i don't know why you're getting bogged down in it. Yeah, God. Oh, everyone's yelling at their iPod, oh, I wish Alistair was still here. Well, he's not. No, he's not.

And that's okay, all right? Life goes on. But it's now time for everyone's favourite section of the show, like I said, and yeah, I love it because we get to thank the supporters who make this show possible. Without their support, there'd be no Do Go On, so yeah, you can get involved as well if you like uh at

do go on pod.com or patreon.com slash do go on pod and there's a bunch of different levels you can sign up to um depending on your budget and what kind of bonuses you'd like to get what are some of the things that they can get popper access to a newsletter a Facebook group, early access to tickets to live shows and tours that we do. Which we're going to be doing more of. Yeah. And, yeah, three bonus episodes a month, including Phrasing the Bar, where we have a deep dive into the filmography

of everybody's favourite actor, Brendan Fraser. Jess, I love that you invite Dave and I onto your podcast each month to chat about the films of phrase. I'm generous like that. Another thing people get to do is if you sign up on the Sydney Scheinberg level, you get to give us a fact or quote or a question or a brag or a suggestion. Fact. Yeah, it goes fact, quote or question, brag or suggestion.

That's the new jingle, is it? We'll see. I'm sorry. Do you want me to start with, Hello, everybody, my name is Jess. Now we know. Yeah, now we know who we're talking to. Everybody. Yes.

So is that the jingle? Have we lost the ding? Fact, quote, or question? Braggle Suggestion, ding! He always remembers the ding in the end anyway. Jess had to do it twice from before he actually did a ding. I just don't think dings just aren't as rap appropriate. No, that's probably true.

So, on the fact, quote, or question section, I think we keep calling it that even though there's more options now. You get to give us a fact, a quote, or question, or a brag, or a suggestion. You also get to give yourself a title. I read four of them out each week. I read them out for the first time on the show. So here we go.

The first one comes from first time fact, quote or questioner, Anthony Leclerc, which means Leclerc in French. And Anthony has given himself the title of Regional Brand Tribal Liaison of Afro-Indigenous Mess Around. Okay. And often becomes more clear in the fact quota question what the title means. Not always. Sometimes they leave us guessing.

Yeah. This one from Anthony, he writes as a quote, quote, I wish all to know that I do not propose to sell any part of my country. That's a quote from Chief Sitting Bull. As of today, roughly 1.5 billion US dollars sits in an account designated to the Oceti, sorry, Oceti Shaqowin for our claim to the Black Hills, which includes Mount Rushmore. Wow.

Which I put on the Mount Rushmore of cliff face sculptures. Yeah, big time. That money has yet to be touched as the hills are sacred to the tribes of the nation. Oh, shit. The spirit of Chief Sitting Bull lives on to this day.

P.S. Mount Rushmore is ugly anyway. They carved in those four presidents into a sacred cliff face. Holy shit. Yeah, I think it's actually quite controversial. I had no idea. I appreciate you bringing that to my attention, Anthony. Takes a lot of the fun out of my running Mount Rushmore jokes. But anyway, maybe they end today.

It's a pretty like, it's a dumb thing anyway. Do you know what Mount Rushmore just is a concept? As in like carving some... It wasn't just meant to be the faces as well apparently apparently it was meant to be full bodies and stuff they ran out of money or something like that and then so that's already pretty dumb when you think about it but then when you add that it's on land that is very sacred and you're like okay well this is ridiculous and chief sitting bull have been quoted as saying i wish all to know that i do not propose to sell any part of my country wow yeah that i would call that a grim quote and 1.5 million us dollars sits

in an account thank you so much for that quote anthony. Love a quote. We don't get many quotes. No. That was a quote with a fact tacked on, which I like. Yes. Context for the quote. That's right. And, yeah, interestingly, I do have a pie chart that shows which one has more, and quotes is in the minority. Questions, slightly bigger. And then facts, be right, quotes is the smallest.

I've never seen this pie chart. I love the idea of it. Yeah, where are you keeping this pie chart? It's in the survey app we use. Are you hiding a pie from me? You know how he feels about pies. Dave, what's your favourite kind of chart? Mine's a scientist.

Scientist chart. I guess a lot of charts are scientist charts. The next one comes from Murray Somerville. And Murray, who we know in the Dugong community as one of the great animators.

We've got quite a few great animating listeners, but Murray does a bit of art based on the episodes most weeks. And they're always so good. Yeah, great. Love the style, Murray. Great style.

Murray's given himself the title of casual artistic doodler. Ooh. And Murray asks a question, which is, my partner put spoons, forks, or knives away in the wrong section of the cutlery drawer. It drives me mental. Is that unreasonable? What's some little thing that unreasonably annoys the crap out of you? I love this.

I love settling domestic squabbles on podcasts. Look, it happens like every now and then. And with our cutlery drawer, you can't always see the tops of it tops of the cutlery so i can understand things go back in the wrong places but generally we know which goes where and can you remember that order without looking right now yes no fork spoon knife oh it's wrong it's wrong no i think no i think it should go spoon, fork, knife. Ours goes fork from left to right. Fork, knife, spoon. Yeah, I think fork and knife should be next to each other.

Because you grab those two as a pair. Spoons. I have no idea the order. I do try and put them in the right spot because I just, you know, I'll put it in the... If I'm holding a spoon, I'll put it with the spoons. Yeah. But you're at a point where you don't even have to look well that's because i can't like you can't see the

tops of the cutlery you have to really pull the drawer all the way out it's gonna secret cutlery secret cutlery we like to have a lucky dip and you go whatever you got so you get soup and you pull two knives out yeah you're like all right that's it well figure it out committed to it um but something that just makes you really annoys you uh there's hundreds of things i just can't think of i do one that really annoys my partner and that is i leave the bathroom cupboard open a lot interesting yeah leaving doors open or drawers or anything like that i don't walk away and then i go in my mind i close that yeah um Okay, one for me is that the way my partner stacks dishes sometimes is guaranteed to smash something.

So the other day I sent him a video while he was at work. It was a glass perched on top of a spatula. So the spatula's on its side, glass is on on top and the other side of the the room of the glass was resting on just a so a tupperware lid but just the clasp side of and i was like this dishes jenga yeah it's like a rube goldberg machine ready to go it was an absolute nightmare some people i've had old housemates and possibly i was a housemate like this who would do a similar thing with the bin. You know, you're just like... I do that very slightly.

Whoever's filled it should be taking it out. So people are just like balancing. Like on The Simpsons and he's like, he staples a banana skin to the side of the bin. Yeah, yeah. It's that sort of vibe. Exactly. I reckon my one, the first one that came to mind is,

and did Murray say that to be irrational? Because I think this is rational. And I think most people who say would think their own ones are rational. But I get quite annoyed when I let someone in on a narrow street, you know, they're coming the other way and they don't give you the wave. Oh, no, that's not, that's completely rational. That is psychotic behaviour. I live for the wave don't give you the wave. Oh, no, that's not. That's completely rational. Absolutely. That is psychotic behaviour.

I live for the wave. I live for the wave. The other day, I let in four cars kept coming through. First one waved. No, five of them. The other four, no wave. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. You all wave.

This is the wave tactic. He doesn't wave for all of you. You all wave. You either wave or I ram. I like mutter to myself under my breath, you fuck what the fuck are you doing? But they could literally T-bone the side of my car. As long

as they put the wave up, it'd be like, oh, no worries, mate. Isn't that funny? That does seem irrational though, right? If you're like, I'd prefer you to damage my car than not wave. You're gonna wave. How dare you not wave? I pulled behind a parked car to let you just come on you don't know i could be late for work i could be on my way to the hospital people could be dying

i think people the the first one waving is the most important one i would say because the ones falling behind maybe they just think you're a parked car maybe they don't realize yeah but if the first one especially they've seen you pull over yeah they know what's going on you yielded to them. I say, and I caught myself saying it yesterday and that's what made me think of it. And I think I say this every time. They don't wave and say, no worries, cunt.

Yeah. Oh, no worries, cunt. No worries. Yeah, no worries. Oh, it's okay. That's all right. No worries. Sometimes I turn the table

and give them a passive aggressive wave. Yeah. No worries. Yeah. Yeah, that's good too. Yeah. That's a fantastic example. Because it doesn't matter.

It doesn't, but it does. Yeah, and isn't it weird? It doesn't matter, but it does. But yeah, I've noticed that where I'm living, it's just not a part of what people do. You're not in a waving community. No, it's not a waving community. You've got to get out.

You've got to get out. You've got to move. I think I'm going to have to move again. You just moved, but you're going to have to do it again. I'm going to keep searching for that wavy community. Yeah, well, next time you're going to have to drive around for about five or six hours before you decide to move somewhere. Just waving at people.

Are they going to wave back? Yeah. That's a good point. What kind of community am I going to be living in? Exactly. It's disgusting. I think that's the sort of canary in the

gold mine kind of thing is that what the saying is yeah it's not a gold mine is it a mine whatever in the mine doesn't matter what they're mining

yeah oh oh your sayings are all about gold mines are they that's how you know someone's doing well yes I'm doing well

I include gold in all my adages great question murray thank you so much and great artwork the next one comes from soph waldron uh soph who we know from as did we realize that she was one of she's been a more show live shows than anyone else yeah she's our official photographer and uh soph has now given herself the title of true believer of the lost city of atlantis okay and i'm just looking at the when that was submitted that was months before we did the episode that's isn't that funny whoa how did she know

amazing great work maybe her fact quote question brag or suggestion might give us some information that's a good point uh so his question is i know we don't talk about the current global event on the pod but given we've recently gotten out of three months of lockdown what was the thing you did after 80 percent uh that made you just stoked to be back out again. 80% for international listeners, that was we were allowed out of the house again when 80% over 16-year-olds were vaccinated in our state. What was the thing you did after 80% that made you just stoked to be back out again?

And she's answered her question, which I always love it when people do that, which obviously Murray did as well um what's so if do so says for me it was going for dinner and to the movies with my friends to see shang chi on our first weekend of freedom dinner and a movie a classic combo what a great way to re-announce yourself to society. Yeah. I also, I think I went out for dinner with some friends. I kept it fairly, like I went to the pub. You went to the pub too, I think. I went to the pub, had a fish and chip meal.

Yeah, that's so good. And then I made like a bunch of appointments for things I couldn't get done beforehand. Like I got a haircut, I got my brows done, I got a tattoo. Like I just went nuts. That's awesome. You're like a new person. Yeah. I still haven't gone to a pub.

You simply must. I'm trying to think. Probably the thing I've done, which hasn't happened yet, it's coming up, or will have just happened when this comes out. I've been stocking up on interesting beers. Yep. And I'd invited my dad uncle and cousin around like days before the lockdown was announced i'm like i've got these these beers for a soil try out

um we'll play some tunes and drink these beers and then lockdown so i've collected more now i've got maybe too many beers and i've invited a yeah fight them around this weekend i believe you play some records and let's drink some beers. I believe in you guys. I think you can get through those too many beers. So I think that's going to feel like a back out because, you know, just so much time spent at home. Yeah.

I mean, we even had a curfew for a lot of that, didn't we? For most of that, yeah. So going for a run and not having to look at the time yeah like you know basic things that used to you wouldn't even think twice about what i did on the last day of lockdown after 270 something days in lockdown last one we're free i bought a paint by number what is wrong with me paint by number you can go do anything now and i was like no i'm gonna stay inside but i think there's a difference between staying in because you want to and staying in because you have to.

Oh, yeah, I love to stay in. I'm a big fan of the stay in as well. I like having options. I also played golf with my mum and dad this week, which was really nice. Obviously, I hadn't seen them for three months. It's just nice to get out into the bloody bit of nature in the middle of the suburbs. How did you go?

I hit them all right. Great. I'm a pretty good first up for some reason. If I play a few times in a row, that's when it goes downhill. Yeah, right. When I start to believe in myself again. That's me with bowling. Yeah, right.

Real good in the first round. Isn't that interesting? Or is it the other way around? It doesn't matter. But that is a good question, Soph, and I'm glad that you got to get out and about. And you've totally made... Yeah, I've got to go out for a pub dinner and a movie. That's a great idea.

Thank you for that question. Our next one comes from Frank West. He's given himself the title of Romeo on the Horse with the Rainbow Mane and Tail. Okay. And Frank's got a quote which starts, Howdy, partners. Which is exactly what someone on a horse would say.

Howdy, partners. Firstly, mad on the issue of my card being declined. Oh, this probably isn't required to be read out. But, I mean, I'm in here now He says I'm just a poor man Who spends with reckless abandon Mainly on food

But maybe I can be more disciplined As a patron And keep that money coming in Thank you for keeping us up to date Frank hey May you continue To spend with reckless abandon Is that the end of the quote?

No he says I present you three with... I mean, he put it all in. I imagine he wanted me to read that out. So I present... Because everyone knows I only read them out on the show. There's evidence right there. So Frank writes, I present you three with this quote. And it begins,

In nature's infinite book of secrecy, a little I can read. That's the quote. In nature's infinite book of secrecy, a little I can read. Do you make sense of that? He's written more after. Out of all the infinite things in nature, if it was a book, I could only read or comprehend. It's a small part. Thank God Dave's here.

Yeah, that's right. A little I can read. There's so many. The universe is mysterious. Yes, as we just found out about the fucking hyena clitoris on this week. That's right. Amazing. You go, oh, wow. And does it say where the quote's from? Yes, he says

this quote comes from the soothsayer in Anthony and Cleopatra. I've slowly been making my way through the complete works of Shakespeare on Audible, and I still have 93 hours to go. While I may not be completely understanding what is happening due to how they speak, I thought this was a great way to advertise one's abilities, but also makes those abilities sound kind of disappointing.

I reckon you've taken the glass half empty version of that, Frank. I think that's just someone saying, hey, look, there's a lot out there and isn't the world beautiful? Yeah. That's how I read it. Beautiful and complex. That's how I read it after Dave Cohn explained it to me. But honestly, listening to Shakespeare is, for me,

seeing it's the best way to understand it, but listening to it is much easier to understand than just reading it off the page. You get a lot more context from the actors. You hope the reader is reading it with knowledge of the text. Yes, I'm hoping that it is done by a cast. As opposed to how I just did it.

With ums and long pauses where they shouldn't have been. Because there's no punctuation, but the A is capitalised. That's what maybe you might have heard me being thrown. It'd be on a separate line. In nature's infinite book of secrecy, a little I can read. That's better.

Thank you very much for that, Frank. Thanks, Frank. And, yeah, thank you to Anthony, Frank, Soph and Murray for this week's Fact, Quote or Questions. Pack of legends. We also like to shout out to a few of our other great supporters. These would be signed up on the shout out level or above, which I believe is the Ask Prod level or above.

Of course, you are associate producers of the program. Yes, that's right. And I normally, if I can, I normally start off with the first three. Is that okay? Of course. And Jess, you normally come up with a game, something like last week's one, how we gave them all nicknames. Yeah, a little hard when we've spoken for an hour and a half about clitorises.

So I'm a bit stumped. What about we give them a Greek hero name? Yeah, I was thinking that. All right, let's do that. That's going to... Immediately we're going to regret that, but let's give it a crack. Well, yeah.

We give them a name. We just put a cleese at the end. Yeah, perfect. And then give them like a... A power. A power, yeah. Yeah, great. They're the god of whatever, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. put a cleese at the end and then give them like a a power a power yeah great they're the god of whatever maybe

yeah yeah yeah alright so first up I'd love to thank from Victoria Point in Queensland Australia Charmy Zielinski ooh Charmy Zielinski Charmy Cleese

Charmy Cleese is real good and power or like god of yeah I think whatever you're feeling god like charm yeah like I think it's sort of like it's a god of? Yeah, I think whatever you're feeling. God, like charm. Yeah. Like I think it's sort of like it's a god of sales.

God of sales. You know, really charms and sucks them in. And they upsells and it works. Oh, yeah. King of the upsell. Hey, yeah. Looking for anything you need? Just browsing?

Is it that kind of thing? Just browsing or, yeah, you're interested in making a purchase today. Yeah. I think it's like the type of sales where it's not even that. It's not like, hey, are you just looking? I'll leave you to it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is a salesman that just transports you

to a world of possibilities. For just the low, low price. I'm picturing sort of Simon the Likeable from Get Smart. I don't know if you've watched much of that show. I think I've referenced it a couple of times the last few weeks there. But there was this character who was a bad guy who worked for Chaos, Simon the Likeable. And you couldn't escape his charms.

So as soon as he looked you in the eye, they do a glint effect on his eye from memory, and then you'd just be under his spell. Yeah, it's that. Charming the likable. Charmy. Charmicles the likable. Brilliant.

God of sales. I think we're using the Homer Simpson rule of Greek godifying your name. Homicles cares not for beans. Homer Simpson rule of Greek godifying your name. Homocles cares not for beans. Which I don't... I reckon I've quoted that my whole life. And I didn't get it for the first 20 years of that. The next one.

Ooh, local. Brunswick, Victoria, Australia. Siobhan Galea. Ooh. Siobhan-ocles? Galeocles. Galeocles. I like Galeocles. Galea? Galea. Ooh. Siobhan Eccles? Galea Eccles. Galea Eccles. I like Galea Eccles.

Galea? Galea sounds like an ancient Greek city. So Galea Eccles? Siobhan of Galea. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. Siobhan of Galea. God of salad ratio. Okay. Always gets it spot on.

You know what I mean? You know, you can get salads. I mean, I'm not a big salad guy, but you can get salads that are too lettuce heavy, not enough feta cheese or beetroot balls or whatever, you know, whatever the hero of the piece is. The Greek hero of the salad. That's probably where I was thinking Greek salad is definitely what my brain did there.

I'm like, how did I get there? But yes, so Siobhan just knows exactly what to do. So she'll come to a party. There'll be a barbecue happening. There'll be a salad. She'll scoop a barbecue happening, there'll be a salad, she'll scoop a bit out, have a bite and go, needs more balsamic or whatever.

Needs a splash of lemon. Yeah, knows exactly. And you're like, what, lemon? Okay, and you do it and you're like, holy shit, yes. Siobhan, why do we keep doubting you? You do this every time. When will I learn?

Thank you so much, Siobhan. And finally for me, I'd love to thank another Aussie from Tennant Creek in the Northern Territory in Australia. Robs in the NT. Robs in the NT. All one word. What about... Robocles. I was just thinking of...

Gone blank on the... Jess and I are just watching a master at work here. Dave's looking in the middle distance. I mean, I've already made a suggestion. It's obviously no good. Let's hear something later. Are you thinking of the God of? Or are you trying to...

I had a title and a name. But I will bow to the master. It was Rob Sipides. Oh, Rob Sipides. That's pretty good. That's good. I like that. Are you sure?

Yeah, I love it. Rob Sipides, king of the Crocs, Northern Territory. He's like the Croc king. So he appears... God of Crocs. God of Crocs. So he's sort of like... Is there a god that can just, yeah, like the sea god, like Aquaman. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or Triton or whatever. Poseidon. Poseidon, thank you. So, you know, like how Aquaman or Poseidon sort of like can travel standing on dolphins? Yeah. Well. He can do that with Crocs. Robocles does that with Crocs. Fuck, that's cool. That's where the Crocs came from, his footwear. Yeah. Well, Roboclease does that with Crocs.

Fuck, that's cool. That's where the Crocs came from, his footwear. Yeah. He wore the original Crocs. And Crocs are actually in talks with Rob and the NT about doing a bit of a collab. Yeah. So that's exciting.

And Rob's like, honestly, I'm glad you came to me finally because I've been looking to sue your asses. Yeah. I don't know why I said it like that. How dare you. Sue your asses is probably how we would have said it. So thank you to you, Rob Oakley. I would love to thank some people if I may.

Sure can. From Copenhagen in Denmark, Philip Galsgaard. Oh, it sounds more like your sort of Viking. Yeah. What about the Norse, more of a Norse vibe? What about Philippius Galsgaard? Oh, I like that. That's good.

And god of surfboards. Hello. I was going to say the classic one, Scott of Thunder. But this, surfboards. So does he still have a hammer? Yeah So he has a hammer But

Aqua hammer His aqua hammer Is used for Do they have to Chiseling out some gnarly waves Because you know Like in cricket You've got a hammer

Or you used to have to Knock in your bats right Yeah Do you have to do something Like that with surfboards? You've got to wax them You've got to wax it With a hammer

With a hammer It's a wax hammer. With my hammer made of wax. That's actually... And my wax. And that character's name is... Good giblets? Every time.

I haven't seen it and I love the idea of giblets. It's giblets or giblets. I forget. It's gibly but it's giblets or giblets, I forget, but it's one of those two. It's ghibly, but it's very funny. So thank you so much, Philip. I would also love to thank, from South Yarra in Victoria, Hannah Barth. Hannah Barth.

Hannah Barth is a good friend of mine. Oh, really? Who I did not realise was a Patreon. Thank you so much, Hannah. Love those surprises. What about Hanopities Bothopities? Ooh, that's fun. Hanothopies?

Say it again. Hanothopies? Yes. Barnothopies? Yes. No, Bothopies. Bothopities. Yeah, Hanopities.

Bothopities. Oh, yes. It's difficult, but... Can you just sum up your friendship with Hannah or what you know of Hannah in three words? Okay. Actor. Yes.

Funny. Yes. I mean, three words. That's enough. I think that's enough for me. Three words is hard. God of laughter. Oh, that's a good one Three words is hard. God of laughter. Oh, that's a good one.

That's fun. Goddess of laughter. We love that. So it just wields the power kindly. But if you need a little boost of laughter, you get Hanathopis in the game. That's so funny. Hanothopies.

Thank you, Hannah. I'd also love to thank from Melbourne, Victoria. Jeez, there's been a lot of Aussies today. Alex Stewart. Oh, well, if you think you're close friends with Hannah Barth, I think I can help you one here. You can top that? Yes, Alex is my sister.

Yeah, but is she a close friend? And I would call her my sister and close friend. Fuck. All right, yeah, you have upped me and Hannah then. I just saw her the other day. Hannah and I could play sisters. Oh, that's so cool. Alex, all right, if I could sum you up.

Damn it, why did I set that up? Yeah, now you've got to do it. Alex in three words. And a name? Oh, well, Dave, you've been on fire with these. What about, I love X in this. Alex Xerxes. Alex Xerxes?

Alex Xerxes. Alex Xerxes. That's fun. I think the ancient Gaelic or Scottish for Stuart is Stilbard. Alex Xerxes Stilbardios. Oh my god, this is so good, Alex. Oh my god. Gaelic or Scottish for Stuart is still barred. So I don't know if we can work that in. Oh, Alex Erkson's still barred-ios. Yeah, that's good.

Oh, my God. This is so good, Alex. Oh, my God. So, yes. Alex B. I know, big lover of live music. Yes. So I wonder if we can work that in.

Okay. Loves family. She's a fan of uh hanging out with the fam going on holidays yes i'm so sorry alex that i'm i'm breaking you down to these yeah it feels weird very surface level things uh has worked in in uh in in real estate the real estate world uh very intelligent is there some sort of god of brain in real estate, the real estate world. Very intelligent. Is there some sort of god of brain? No.

No. Well, you've met Alex a few times. Yeah, I know Alex. And like something about like live music, I was thinking of like... God of rock. Are you laughing at me? I was going for like... Obviously of rock. Are you laughing at me? I was going for like... Obviously, the live music is very important,

but we leave that to the artists. But what can make a live show even better is like light and sound design. Oh, yeah. Okay, great. You know, smoke machines, lasers. God of light and sound is awesome. That is sick, actually. That is very good.

I was hoping you were going to say God of smoke machines. We'll go with light and sound, but that does include smoke machines. You know Evan is the God of, Evan Monroe Smith is the God of smoke machines. Oh, he loves them. I've been in rooms that he's not been in with a dormant smoke machine that'll just go, I don't know how he does it. God, he's good. I don't know how he does it. Thank you,'s good. I don't know how he does it.

Thank you, Alex. Thanks so much, Alex. That's so cool. So cool you're involved. Did you know Alex was a patron? I think I did. I think I did, yeah. But I didn't realise for so long

because these people have been on board for about a year and a half. Yeah, that's really nice. Can I thank a trio of people? I would love to thank... Oh my goodness, you're never going to believe this. You thought you were close with the last two. From Maryland in the United States, Catherine Hildebrandt,

who of course is a stranger to me, but I love you so much for your support, Catherine. Catherine Hildebrandt, no relation. You do love Maryland though, don't you? Am I right in saying the first state? It's definitely not my favourite state though. No. No, no, Catherine. Katharine Hildebrand, no relation. You do love Maryland, though, don't you? Am I right in saying the first state? It's definitely not my favourite state, though.

No. No, no, no. But it's in that sort of region, isn't it? Yeah, it's great. I'm pretty sure I go for the Maryland college basketball team.

You're pretty sure. Maybe the Torpins or something like that? I'm pretty sure. Big, big fan. Yeah, it's not that far from God's real country of Vermont.

But I would love to thank Catherine Hildebrand, who is, of course... Terrapins. The Terrapins. Not the Bernie Torpins. I thought they were named after Elton John's writing partner, but no. What about Catherapin Hildebrand? Oh, I like that a lot. Catherapin Hildebrand. Oh, I like that a lot. Catherapin Hildebrand.

God of embroidery. Oh, okay. God of embroidery. Have you seen... You need to be to make their flag. It's so intricate. Have you seen the Maryland flag? No, I can't say I have seen the Maryland flag.

I've just looked up Maryland, the first state, and it says, according to this... I think it's from wikipedia.org, which is a website you can find things on. So you've got, among its occasional nicknames, Old Lyon State, the Free State, and the Chesapeake Bay State. It was named after the English queen Henrietta Maria, known in England as Queen Mary, who was the wife of King Charles. That's where Maryland comes from.

Well, I hope you enjoy living there, Cath Terrapin. Hildebrand. Love that. I would love to thank also from... Just quickly, here's the flag. Oh, shit. Imagine embroidering this. There's a lot going on there.

Yeah, there's too much going on, to be honest. Sorry, Maryland. That's a mess. Bad colours, too. Imagine embroidering this. There's a lot going on there. Yeah, there's too much going on, to be honest. Sorry, Maryland. That's a mess. Bad colours, too. Yuck. Good luck to you. What a shit flag. I like it.

Thank you. How? I like it. It looks like, you know, a test pattern on a TV. That's fucked. If you're from the 60s. Dave, please keep going or I'm going to throw up. And it's going to look a little something like this.

I did just eat a banana. I would love to thank from Ventura in California, Christina Gonzalez. I love Gonzalez as a surname. Christina-cleese. That's really good. Christina-cleese, Gonzalez-cleese. I like it. Ventura.

Yeah. I obviously go straight to ace. So, animal. Some sort of animal related. Thinking like, yeah. God of. God of. God of.

What do you call it? Stampedes. Oh, wow. That's good. Sorry, Mufasa.edes. Oh, wow. That's good. Sorry, Mufasa. Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, I don't know if Christina was the reigning monarch or god at the time,

but if she was, she could have stopped it. Yeah, it might have been before her four-year term. Yeah, that's right. Four more years. Like we always say for Christina Cleese. Four more years, please. Four more years, Christina Cleese. Gonzalo Cleese. Thank you so much.

And finally, I would like to thank from Mawson Lakes in South Australia, Tessa Weber. Tessa Weber. Tessa Cleese. Tessa Cleese. Tessa Cleese. Tessa Cleese. Tessa Cleese.

Web Soccer, please. Web Soccer, please. Pass the soccer, please. Of course, from South Australia, beautiful wine country. Oh, yes. Oh, the Barossa. Goddess. Home of the big reds.

Goddess of partying. Oh. Partying up or down? Partying up. Oh. Hell yeah. God of party. Yeah.

God of pre-drinks. But like a wine and cheese party. Yes. yeah god of party yeah god of wine and cheese party yes classy party took the actually took the title from van wilder yes yeah the god of party um tessa classed it up a bit you know the movie van wilder i can never remember the you know he's become quite a famous actor that guy ryan reynolds ryan reynolds but i can only ever think of him his name as van wilder he's quite famous yeah i just can never remember his name that's funny oh my god i loved you in van wilder thanks i've been in so many things oh yeah yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. Three guys, a girl and a pizza place. Yeah, loved that too. Loved that. It was fun.

It was fun. Thank you so much. I love that character you do. Very good at it, he is. Well, we've only got one thing left to do here. And that's to see if there's anyone that's going to be inducted into the Trip Ditch Club. Oh, that's right. Dave's looking at me going, nodding.

This is where we love to give a second thank you to people that have been on the shout-out level or above for three consecutive years. These people, the true believers of the podcast, never dropped off. And to thank them, we induct them into a bit of a Hall of Fame slash Memorial Clubhouse. Where inside, it's a club.

It's a disco. It's a bar. It's a chill-out zone. It's a pillow palace. Yeah. It's a pillow palace. Yeah. There is a ball pit. And we always welcome in some new people, but also checking to see what kind of snacks we've got this week.

Yeah. Well, I mean, Matt mentioned earlier the man in the boat. I have constructed a canoe, and I'll be serving his snacks out of that. It's like a grazing board in a canoe. Very fancy. Yeah, it's really nice this week. Some Barossa area cheeses.

Absolutely, of course. Only the finest. Sounds delicious. All right, and Dave, you normally book a band? Yes, I've actually got the Californian punk band Clit 45. Oh, fantastic. Who haven't been active since 2016, but I've got them to reform. Fuck yeah.

And again, I booked these months in advance, so it's just amazing. I don't know how you do it. Do they have a, where are you, do they have a song, a big song? Because I imagine they'd have some great song titles somehow. Some good stuff, yeah. Discography, Tales from the Clit was their debut album. That's good. Then Self Hate Crimes, 2005.

Final album was called 2468, We're the Kids You Love to Hate. Oh. Oh, okay. There's a bit of self-hate there. And sadly for them, they announced that they had officially disbanded on Christmas Day 2007 on their MySpace page. Oh, that's what I always wanted. It was someone's Ask Santa for it. Could Clit 45 break up? Please. I that's what I always wanted. It was someone's... Ask Santa for it. Could Clit 45 break up?

Please. I'll see what I can do. They've toured with a lot of great bands. Bad Religion, Dropkick Murphys, a bunch of other punk bands. So, yeah. I imagine it's got the vibe

of a band who was formed as a bit of a joke and they're a super group, you know, with... Yeah, it does sound like it. I bet you that's what they are. All right. So I've got five names to induct.

The way this normally works is I'm standing at the door. I've got the clipboard. I read out the name. And Dave, to welcome you into this exclusive club, Dave really boosts you up. I know you're probably already feeling fantastic anyway, but Dave wants to lift you up even higher. He's your hype man. fantastic anyway, but Dave wants to lift you up even higher. He's your hype man. And then Jess, of course, is Dave's hype man too, because every hype man needs a hype woman.

Of course. So, first up, are you ready for this? Ready. From Wellington in New Zealand, it's Mel Cleary. Oh, let me be Cleary. We're so happy you're here. Did you say we're so happy you're here-y? No. All right.

I should have though. Yeah. I thought you did. And I'm like, I don't know if I love it or hate it. I love it. But it turns out I love it. From York in Great Britain, home of the Vikings. It's Johnny Ollis.

Oh, more like Christmas time in Ollis. It feels like Christmas when you're here. Yes. My favorite day of the year. I don't get it, but I love it. Yes, Dave. Christmastime in Hollis. That Run DMC song.

From London in Great Britain, it's Larissa Murray. Oh, Larissa, I miss you when you're not here. Yes. God, he's good. From Leamington Spa in England, it's Simon Morgan. Oh, my face is Beamington Spa to see you, Simon. Oh, my God. Come on in.

Another one of our great listener artists. A great illustrator to the stars. Thank you, Simon. Thank you, Simon. And finally, from Wakefield in Great Britain, it's Catherine Groom. Oh, let me. Make some room. Make some room for Catherine Groom.

I think there's... I assume they're related for some reason, but I think we've got three great Groom supporters. They're all our greatest Grooms. Thank you so much, Catherine Groom, Simon Morgan, Larissa Murray, Johnny Ellis, and Mel Cleary. Much love to you all, and make yourselves at home. That's all we need to talk about here today.

But can you believe it? This is nearly it for Block. My God. They said it couldn't be done. Wow. Episode 8 of Block 2021, the most voted for, most suggested, most popular topic. Yeah, the biggest, the baddest. The biggest, the best and the baddest topic

we've got it coming up next week and yeah we can't wait to share it with you so we'll see you then anything else we need to say before we go

I guess in the meantime just want to get in contact with us or check out any of our merchandise or previous episodes links to our Patreon or supporting us directly through our website

you can go to dogoonpod.com. Lots of links there for Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, all at dogoonpod. It's all there. And I guess that's it, isn't it? Yeah, yep. So thank you so much again to Alistair Trombley-Birchall

for his fantastic report. But we will be back next week with the number one requested topic for Block 2021. But until then, I'll say thank you so much and goodbye. Later. We can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow.

Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future.