Two In The Think Tank - 323 - The Theft of the Irish Crown Jewels

Episode Date: December 29, 2021

In 1907, precious jewels were taken from one of the most impregnable, well-defended, and heavily guarded buildings in Ireland. But who took them, and how the bloody hell did they pull it off?Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: dogoonpod.com or patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Stream our 300th episode with extra quiz (and 16 other episodes with bonus content): https://sospresents.com/authors/dogoon Check out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​ Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/irish-crown-jewels-theft.amphttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irish_Crown_Jewelshttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arthur_Vicarshttps://www.irishtimes.com/culture/the-mystery-of-the-missing-crown-jewels-1.1055099 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Just jumping in really quickly at the start of today's episode to tell you about some upcoming opportunities to see us live in the flesh. And you can see us live at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2024. We are doing three live podcasts on Sundays at 3.30 at Basement Comedy Club, April 7, 14 and 21. You can get tickets at dogo1pod.com. Matt, you're also doing some shows around the country. That's right. I'm doing shows with Saren Jayamana, who's been on the show before. We're going to be in Perth in January, Adelaide in February, Melbourne through the festival in April, and then Brisbane after that. I'm also doing Who Knew It's in Perth and Adelaide. Details for all that stuff at mattstuartcomedy.com.

We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnke and as always I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins.

Hello. Hey Dave, I love how your eyes said Matt. Shut the fuck up. Be serious. No, my eyes actually said I'm loving this. Loving that energy you bring in. Yes, bring that in. Some laughs.

I'm living, I'm laughing, I'm loving. Oh, okay. You're living for you. Yes. You're laughing at Dave. Yes. You're loving me? Yes.

Okay. Some for everyone here. And I'm lamenting, sharing, all of that. Yeah, fair enough. I feel too vulnerable now. Yeah, I'm going to lord that over you. Remember that time you loved me? Hey, would I blow anyone's mind if I told you that this is the last episode for the year?

I would not blow my mind, Dave, because I told you that. Hang on, Matt. Did you hear Jess say that? I mean, yeah, for the point of this conversation, no. No. Wow. Exciting, isn't it? Another year under our belts, eh?

Honestly, 2021, though. Can fuck right off, can't it? Because people said 2020, what a great year. And I'm like, well, 2021 said hold my beer and it was even better. Yeah, exactly right. So you think we're on an upwards trajectory? I think we're going upwards to the sky. Yeah, when I say can fuck right off, I just mean because I'm so exhausted from all the fun I've had.

Give me a restful year. Oh my God, the travel I've done. It just, I haven't stopped. I've barely been home. Couch to the kitchen, back again. Oh, back again. Into the study, going, what am I coming here for? And then I leave and then five minutes later I go,

I still get the stapler. And then I go, what do I need a stapler for? And on and on it goes. You walk into the study, you're like, I need my passport to go in here. Yeah. Bit of fun. It's fun to be in that little nook between Christmas and New Year.

Oh, my God. What a time. What a time. It's a beautiful time. It's a very chilled out time. Feels luxurious. Doesn't it? Like we've just got endless space and time.

You're still in a bit of a food coma from Christmas. Oh, yeah. But you're gearing up for a big New Year's. I know you love to party on a New Year's, mate. Yeah. It's you. Well, what about me? I party.

Yeah, the countdown. The countdown at midnight is a countdown to me starting to party. Yeah, Dave. Some people say that is the end of the night. Dave is a big boy. He stays up for the children's fireworks at 9 p.m. And then... Well, straight to bed.

My goodness. It's too much. It is. It's too exciting. Too much excitement for the little fella. We cut the crusts off his bread and then he just bed. My goodness. It's too much. It's too exciting. Too much excitement for the little fella. We cut the crusts off his bread and then he just... Off he goes. Yeah, he gets a bit over...

What am I saying? Stimulated. Stimulated. It's the one night of the year we let him have a little bit of red cordial. Very diluted, but he loves it. A couple of red frogs. Always ends in tears. It does, but he loves it.

Love to start the new year in tears. Happy New Year. I hate the idea that I'm... Happy New Tears. Oh, maybe that's been my problem all along. You know how people say like what you're doing at midnight on New Year's is sort of like sets the tone for your year? I'm just always tired because it's late.

Maybe that's why I'm always tired. What a funny tone to set. Sort of like feeling a little disappointed. It's always a letdown. What are we here to do today? Something a little different, I think. Well, if you want, I can explain how this show works for any new listeners. Please.

Because no doubt it's some fantastic topic and we've got a few new listeners in today. The way it works is one of the three of us reports on a topic. We've gone away, we've researched it, usually based on a listener suggestion. And then we come back and we do sort of like a little school report, almost like a high school oral presentation. Only the class are a couple of absolute douchebags who will not shut up and stop interrupting.

Oh, if it was real life, we'd be straight to detention. Go to the Mr. Belding's office right now. Don't let Krusty or Dean. Mr. Belding. Yeah, it'll say by the bell reference there. Screech is there. Bell ding.

Oh, my God. Bell ding. He always remembers the ding. Like a bell goes ding. That's right. That show had so many levels. We always start the report with a question. The other two don't know what the topic is.

Jess, you're doing the report this week. Do you have a question? Yes, I wrote it just before. And the question is, what was reportedly stolen from Dublin Castle on the 6th of July, 1907? Stone of scone. It's not the stone of scone.

It's stone in some ways. The drawbridge. Not the drawbridge. That's like you'd be stuckone. The stone in some ways. The drawbridge. Not the drawbridge. That's like you'd be stuck inside. Some sort of tablet. A tablet, no. Maybe the Last Crusade. What's that thing they're looking for?

iPad mini. iPad mini, that's it. It was a full-size iPad actually. Oh, okay. So close. A pro. Now, what could be stolen from a castle? Oh, a throne of scone.

What's like, yeah, think of like the really... Crown jewels. Yes. The scepter. No, the crown jewels. The crown jewels. But is it the scepter? It is not a scepter, unfortunately.

The Irish crown jewels. Correct. Ooh. Correct. Exciting. So this has been suggested by four people. Vinnie Policastro, Jen B, Brie, and Victor Gamino de Manuel. Oh, you saved the best for last there. Name-wise.

The others understand. They're all fantastic. The others understand that. But it did feel like you would... Jen B gets it. The way that read was like a bit of a short like a poem you read them again just quickly no uh mostly because i've definitely butchered the pronunciation of a few of them gen b gen b am i saying that right did i do it gen b

what gen b brie um brie's the next one, so the story became famous as the theft of the Irish crown jewels, but they weren't actually referred to as such prior to their disappearance. Oh, was it like the Irish chamber pot before that? It was the Irish chamber pot. They decided to sort of jazz it up a bit. There's a really, really great article. It's like when they're talking to the insurance company. Like, oh, yeah, no, no, no, not chamber pot.

It's what we call it. It's actually crown jewels. Really expensive and important. It's worth several hundred rubles. Priceless. Rubies and the blue one and the green one. It definitely wasn't something that we shat in the middle of the night. No, no, no.

It was very precious. There's a really great article written on Atlas Obscura. I'll link it in the show notes, but I refer to it quite a bit. It's really great. It's written by Dan Nosowitz. Oh, what a man. Dan the man. Dan the man.

And Dan writes, The Irish crown jewels were an insignia of the most illustrious order of St. Patrick, the most important chivalric order in Ireland. They were worn by the most important person in the order, which was usually the sovereign, at the order's most important ceremonies. Are you getting the word important coming up a fair bit here? Yeah, this feels important.

It was a members-only club founded in 1783 with the English sovereign as its head, and it was made up of the highest-ranking members of the Irish aristocracy. The jewels that were stolen were two heavily jeweled items. There was a star that was, how specific is this, four and five-eighths by four and a quarter inches, consisting of eight points, so four big points

and then four smaller ones in front of it. And in the centre was a cross of rubies and a trefoil. I didn't look up how to say that word, but of emeralds. It's like a three. It's almost like a Mickey Mouse. It's like a three. It's a three. What am I trying to say here?

It sounds like a three-leaf clover. Yeah, yes, exactly right. Surrounded by a sky blue enamel circle with words Disneyland. TM. Property of Walt. It says Queer Seperabit MDCCLXXXIII. Rose diamonds. I got the kisses there.

I, I, I. That's what kisses there. I-I-I. That's what a lot of those, yeah, those years are in Roman numerals. It's just like. Yeah. Too many. 2000 and kiss, kiss, kiss. Like just fucking use numbers. Yeah.

What's wrong with them? What is going on? These are letters. They're for words. Oh my God. Years are numbers. Don't get me started on algebra. So that was one of them.

It was a star. The other one was like an oval-shaped badge. It was set in silver, again, containing that clover in emeralds on a ruby cross and had the same saying, the same... What was that saying? Queer, sepahrabbit, MDCCLXXXIII. Do you have any idea what that means? It just sounds separebit, M, D, C, C, L, X, X,

X, I, I, I. Do you have any idea what that means? It just sounds like you're summoning a demon. I did read it at some point. Mickey Mouse. It was the,

what's the word I'm looking for? Like the Latin, like a, it was like the motto. Yeah. Fortius, no, Forteus,

quo, Fidelius. Yes. Meaning? Strength through loyalty. It's the St. Kilda Football Club motto. In brackets, shove this up your ass. Yes. Meaning? Strength through loyalty. It's the St Kilda Football Club motto. In brackets, shove this up your ass. Yeah.

What? Ours was Ecclesiae Filii, daughters of the church. Oh, that's a school motto? That's a school motto. Fortius. Am I saying that right? Fortius Quo Fidelius. I remember on an earlier episode I once said,

and I'd always pronounce this way, Fortius Quo Fidelius. And I got a message from someone saying, that is not right. Fidelius. That is not how you say that in a dead language. Do they write it in Latin, the letter? You had to Google translate it? I remember one time, apparently my old man had to, like when he went to church as a kid,

they had to know how to say the mass in latin and i was an altar boy i don't know if i've told you this before uh but i did not really enjoy it and uh tried to quit and they sort of wouldn't take no for an answer them but they called the house dad's talking to like the person who organizes them all and i'm like dad can you get me out of this sort of thing and they the whole family sitting around the table and he's having this like conversation in the kitchen trying to be like oh you know i was an older boy as a kid as well i understand all this but he really doesn't want to do it anymore and he and he goes you know i used to say the lass in matting and he didn't realize he sort of spoonerized it and we're pissing ourselves and he's trying to sound all intelligent and stuff.

It's such a funny thing. We gave him shit about that for so long. Even though he's in there. You were doing the last in Matten. Well, he came back and said, yeah, you'll be there Sunday again. If he came back with the goods, maybe he wouldn't have copped the shit about it.

How much longer before you... You are taking no for an answer? Okay. Okay, then. How much longer before you were out? I can't remember. I remember at one point there was a deal made that I could stop going to church if I joined the tennis team. And I'm like, I will join that team.

That is a good deal. Yeah. That's so funny. They play tennis at the same time. It's also, yeah, it's very funny, like, giving your parents shit for stuff and it's like, I was helping you. Yeah, I was helping you and it was just like a slip of the tongue. I taught you to talk.

You couldn't say anything. And now I say one thing a bit muddled and, oh, talk of the town. Like 12-year-old, oh, dad, you said that funny? Yeah. You can't even. You big square head? Or some sort of real big 12-year-old slur like that. Yeah.

Oh, you dingus. What a slur. You thought you haven't roasted chicken for dinner, but you roasted him that night. No, I roasted dad. Anyway, so that's the two jewels that have been stolen. They sound majestic. They're very, yeah, they're something special. There's that have been stolen. They sound majestic. Yeah, they're something special. There's a lot going on.

They sound gaudy. There's a lot going on in this entire story. In the early 1900s, the jewels mostly stayed locked in a safe at a jeweler's in Dublin. That jeweler had been the official watchmaker for Queen Victoria. Bevels. Please, Michael Hill. And had tight security in place to protect the precious items they were trusted with.

If the king, queen or their representatives were visiting Ireland and wanted to wear the jewels, they would be moved to a safe. This is so funny. I request to wear the jewels. I'm stopping in. Can you get the jewels ready? Get the jewels out. I want to chuck them on for a bit.

Yeah, well, they would. They'd be like, hello, I'm going to need my jewels, please. They would be moved to a safe that sat in Dublin Castle. Sorry, sir, can you just fill out this 16-page form, show me some ID? No, I'm the king. The queen doesn't have a passport. Yeah, that's right. No passport needed.

She's a queen. Face is a passport. Imagine asking the queen for ID. Sorry, young lady, I don't know No passport needed. She's a queen. Face is a passport. Imagine asking the queen for ID. Sorry, young lady, I don't know if I'm able to serve you alcohol. I'm 95. My face is on the money. That's how she sounds. So they'd be moved to a safe that sat in Dublin Castle,

an ancient complex that then served as the seat of the government in Ireland. The castle was full of military and police, serving as the headquarters for the Dublin Metropolitan Police. And the safe that held the jewels only had two keys. These keys were held by a man named Arthur Vickers. Arthur Vickers was the Ulster King of Arms. How good is that title? Yeah.

It's the highest of three levels of officers of arms how good is that title yeah it's the highest of three levels of officers of arms and they usually enjoy uh jurisdiction over a geographical area so dan nosowitz explains it here he says this put him in charge of the rules and regulations regarding heraldry and family trees a very important position in early 20th century ireland He was the arbiter of inheritance. Most land, power and wealth were vested in the hands of the aristocracy, says William Durnham, a curator at Dublin Castle. And the question of who was the legitimate heir to an estate and a title carried with it the question of who would inherit a great deal of money.

Because, you know, back then it was like your title, you inherited a title from your dad and with that came like a position in government. Right. Yeah. Good system. Makes a lot of sense. Yeah, it does, doesn't it?

Obviously, you'd be passing on to your children your titles from Sealand. Yes, that's right. Of course. So. Lord and Lady of Sealand. We're pretty important people. My son is going to have to take the name Lady Jessica Perkins.

Jess's deed is right there. Yeah, sitting behind Dave there. Mine's also out on display in a cupboard. I just have to find the right spot for it. Yeah, thank you. Are you going to pass on Master to your children?

Does your card still say master? One of them does, yes. Oh, my God. Dave, bank card. Still says master. You're 31. 31 years old. And I even wrote to them once and said,

can I get a new card that says mister? And they said, no worries. We'll cancel that card. Then they sent out a new one that still said master. Something one letter off. Maybe they thought you were saying master. What does it even say for master mstr no way which is fantastic so they sent out a new card and all i got was the privilege of having to update my uh auto debits yeah that's so thank you that's really mstr could be mister it could be but then i've also got other cards that

say mr what's that mean? Surgeon. Surgeon. Exactly. That's one of the gifts they gave to Jesus. I've gone one beyond doctor. It's very funny that surgeons insist on being mister. They insist on it. They insist on it. Doctor, mister.

Please. So, yeah, they... My father was a surgeon. He had a... Vickers had this important job um and from his spacious office in dublin castle he was well paid well respected and passionate about heraldic history and genealogy now what's heraldic if i know um people it's harold's people named harold people know harold's no it's like harold so Harold. So it's a bit like genealogy.

I think it's sort of like, it's I think that idea of like the titles moving down. Right. Your origin, stuff like that. In two words, absolute wank. Yeah, big old parlor wank. Absolutely. The real wank fest.

The real wank fest. And I can imagine that he's also open to corruption. No, no, no, no. Give the title to me. All right. Yeah, maybe. But he takes it very seriously. Is that what corruption is to you?

Someone going, come on. Come on. And then going, yeah, right. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. Ugh, corruption. He's also easily corrupted. Fucking hell.

Ugh, corruption these days. Hey, hey, take this bribe. All right. Okay. What do I have to do for it? Nothing. Just take it. Okay.

So, Arthur Vickers, he was 45 years old, and in the summer of 1907, he was going to have a very bad day at work. Oh! 1907. Yes. Gotcha. So, as I mentioned, the safe that held the jewels had two keys.

Vickers, almost universally described as a pedant and nitpicker, wore one on a chain around his neck or in his pocket at all times. The other one? Around his cock. Come and get it. Okay. What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do?

They try to get the one around his neck. He swallows that and says, you want to know where the other one is? One left. So is it the same key twice or is it one of those you need to lock them both at the same time? No, I thought that and that was very cool. But no, it's the same key twice. He's just got like the spare.

When you put them both in and say, turn on three. One, two, three. And they both turn. That's so cool. That's the dream. When we have a new office at Stupid Old Studios, which will happen in a couple of months, can we have a lock on our door that is like that? Yeah.

I'd love that. But three locks. We can't enter alone at any time. We have to wait out the front for the other two to arrive. Guys, come on. Mesa's filling in for one of us. It's like, well, no recording today. Can't record.

So thanks for filling in. But unless you want to do some admin. Nice to catch up. No, the other key was not around his penis, David. The other one was hidden in his home in Dublin. Which is what he called his butt. His home? My home.

Sorry to take the episode so blue so early. Sorry, everyone. It's a very gentle blue, though, isn't it? Yeah, it's a gentle blue. It's like a sky blue. It's like very gentle blue, though, isn't it? Yeah, it's a gentle blue. It's like a sky blue. It's like a soft blue. Baby blue. The castle was considered one of the most impregnable,

well-defended and heavily observed buildings in Ireland. Also what he called his butt. Impregnable. In the butt, no babies. Something he would say. He would say, not you. Love that it's like... Don't look at me like I oh, I'm saying that.

It is an impregnable system. I keep the key somewhere in my house. It's under some papers. I've got one. There's another one somewhere. Somewhere. If they get either of those, they'll be able to get it. Impregnable.

Impregnable. From the New York Times in 1907, Bedford Tower, which it'll come up again in a sec, is the one building in the castle into which the most enterprising burglar would find it hopeless to effect an entrance unobserved. That's real 1907 language. I love it. King Edward VII, Queen Alexander and Princess Victoria

were due to visit on July 10 to make an appearance at the Irish International Exhibition, a grand world fair that ran from May to November, and perform some various royal duties while they're at it. Dan Nosowitz writes, the political relationship between Ireland and Great Britain was fraught with a rising tide of Irish nationalism competing with unionists who wanted to remain loyal to the crown. There had already been debate about how Irish or British the international exhibition should be.

There were separate pavilions for Ireland and Great Britain and the Irish War of Independence would erupt just over a decade later. So things are tense. On top of that, the king's nephew, Kaiser Wilhelm II of Prussia, had just months before endured a massive political scandal, which I'll talk more about later as well. Ooh. A little sizzle.

King Edward was sensitive to controversy. He needed this visit to go smoothly. Now, good. It did not. Ooh. Now, Edward, who's he to the current queen? Grandfather or? It's her grandfather, right?

Because Edward VIII is the son that abdicated. Right. Then George V? I think so. George VI. Played by Firth. Colin Firth, yes. In King's Speech.

And then Lizzie. Right. I think that's right. I think so, yeah. So he was the bearded one. That's Edward, right? I don't know. I tried to look into it.

It is hard to sort of. It's a pretty messy family tree, you know what I mean? There's so many of them. The thing about how much messier it would have been if Queen Elizabeth II hadn't been around for so, so long. Yeah, that's right. Or if they didn't inbreed. Because, I mean, it's not as complicated as most people's family trees, is it?

True. And they have a lot of the same names. So, like, there was a princess victoria just then and i was like oh is that the queen victoria no queen victoria was king edward's mom i think right please don't yell your iPods please don't i'm doing my best we're in a hot room we're trying we're in the middle of summer. We're doing our best. I'm drinking a large milk. I've been forced to drink this milk. For the podcast.

I'm drinking milk for the podcast. So we need to go back a few years to set a bit of context as well. So in 1901, six years earlier, the office of Ulster King of Arms was moved deeper within Dublin Castle, from Birmingham Tower to Bedford Tower. Vickers suggested he get an apartment in the new building, with free rent, obviously, and also that the safe should be housed in a strong room,

which is a fireproof, burglar-proof room in which valuables are kept. The Board of Works at Dublin Castle rejected the apartment idea, but did agree that a strong room was a good idea. He's like, I should probably live here for free. Yeah, don't you reckon? Shouldn't you give me an apartment with that for free? Maybe like with a cinema room and, you know, for the safety of the... For safety of the films.

Yeah. Don't you think? Don't you think? Don't you guys think? Hey, guys, don't you think? Don't you think? Just a free apartment. This actually wasn't my idea.

It was just something I thought would be good for the country. Good for the country. Good for the arms that I'm in charge of. I got a lot of work to do. Be good to be close. You know, reduce my commute. So they're like, um, no. But a strong room is a great idea.

Let's do that. Love that. There is a slight fact check I've got to give myself here. Please. We're talking about Edward VII. Yes. Who is the son of Queen Victoria or the heir to Queen Victoria. Then after him, it's George V.

He's the bearded one. Then it goes Edward VIII who abdicated. Then George VI who is Queen Elizabeth's dad. That's what you said. I think I might have skipped over George V. Oh, okay. Oh, man. Easy to do. Sorry about that, everyone. He's the bearded. I think I might have skipped over George V. Oh, man. Easy to do. Sorry about that, everyone.

He's the bearded one, right? Dave. Dave, don't... Are you fucking looking up now who's bearded? They're all bearded at some point. They are both bearded, Matt.

They're bearded. So don't waste your time. Thank God. The only one without a beard, Queen Elizabeth II. Well, yet. Actually, that's not true. Oh, yeah, exactly. She's got time. She's got time to grow a beard. Imagine if she just did like a full fashion revamp. Queen Elizabeth II Wow Actually that's not true Oh yeah exactly

She's got time She's got time to grow a beard Imagine if she just did Like a full fashion revamp Don't you limit her I would love if she just like Shaved half her head That'd be sick

That'd be so cool Yeah Just started wearing Really bold glasses Like a very cool frame Oh man that'd be cool Lots of bright colours She just went like

Full eccentric old lady I would love that So much Hell yeah Just wearing Bono style glasses Yes The fly She dresses as the fly

Or cream Cream I'm cream Irish listeners tuning in Will be So stoked to hear Furious Oh

Furious what Oh no they love Bono Talking about their Their patron saint God they love Bono so much Remember when he drove The rats out of Ireland? So, anyway, they're like, yes, a strong room's a great idea. It would be handy for other valuables and manuscripts.

All sorts of stuff can be stored in a strong room. Fantastic. Let's do that. So, they went about building one in Bedford Tower. And when they went to move the safe in, they realised that an error had been made. Uh-oh. Oh, it didn't fit through the door.

Correct. I love that. Measurements were all off. The safe would not fit through the door. Oh, happened with my fridge. Yeah. Yeah. They measured it incorrectly.

The process had already taken ages and it was too much paperwork. It's taken ages. It's taken so long. It was a lot of paperwork and effort to fix the problem right away. So they opted to place the safe in the library and have a sentry guard it. So now they've got a strong room with nothing in it. A strong room with other stuff in it, but not these crown jewels. So the safe was going to go in the strong room.

So it's like double security. That's very funny. But then the safe would not fit in. So they've just put that in the library. And they said, just have somebody watch it. Have somebody keep an eye on that safe. Terry, stand in front of that for me. Terry, go stand.

Well, stand close to it. Centurion. Now, what is that? I didn't say that. Picturing like a guy with a broom on the top of his head? Yes. Like the old Roman guy? Is that what we're talking about?

It's a sentry. Yep. And it's just a guard. Oh, 100 years. Yep. And it's just a guard. Oh, 100 years, yep. I'm going to kill you. So this is a temporary move. Sorry, what? Nothing, I love you.

This is a temporary move, obviously, just until they could figure out the best way to get the safe through the door. And it was totally not going to still be sitting in the library six years later. That's a weird thing to say then, but okay. Besides, the safe was burglar proof or so wrote the chairman of the board of works so they're like it's fine just leave it in the library it's all good so in 1905 vickers wrote some revised statutes for his office which included stipulations that the jewels must be kept in a safe which must be kept in a strong room a few different writers

talk about how vickers really seems to dislike this part of his job, like being in charge of the jewels. Didn't really... So it didn't happen, though, in terms of the safe being moved. It wasn't moved from the library. I feel like, well, I'm not going to get my private residence, then why are you going to get your fucking private safe? It does feel like a permanently stressful thing to always be, you know, the last one responsible for this precious thing really

really important precious thing that's basically pointless because someone wears it what once every three years who cares exactly you can't even look at it it's in a safe and then they want to put it behind another door well the safe is um still in the library but when i say library the library also kind of served as a waiting room for Vicar's office, meaning people were coming and going all day. There's a pile of new ideas from years ago in there. The fish tank. There's a steady stream of visitors in the exact space

that some incredibly precious jewels are being kept. The library also apparently had several doors, none of which were guarded, and the position that the sentry was placed in means he couldn't actually see the safe at all times. Oh, not an ideal spot. He was facing the wall. I would have had him sitting on it.

Yeah, that's good. And he'd be heavy. Yeah, whilst with like a baseball bat in hand. Yeah. Clubbing it. Tapping it, yeah. That's good. I wouldn't steal.

Come and get it. Anyone walked in, he'd say, come and get it. I'd say, I'm actually here to see Vickers. Oh, go in there then. I'm actually here to just get a book from this library. Okay. Well, come and get it then. Come and get it Anyone walked in He'd say come and get it I'd say I'm actually here to see Vickers Yeah Oh go in there then I'm actually here to just get a book From this library Okay

Come and get it then Come and get it Come and get that book Can you stop Threatening me with that bat I'm just getting a book Yeah that's fine Yeah yeah get a book

See how you go And then he just flinches at him And you're like Ha And he's like Nah I'm just fucking with you I'm bored I'm bored

Nobody comes down this aisle It's boring Nah you're alright No one comes down here And. It's boring. You're all right. No one comes down here and anyone who does, I bully them. Go have a book. Go on. Go on. Get it.

Hey, get two books. Yeah. How many books do you want? Many as you can carry, I bet. How many books can you carry? I can carry eight. I've been practicing. He's very bored.

The nights are so long. They have not been relieving him. He is trapped there. So we come to the summer of 1907. A series of odd incidents happened, but they were all ignored, thought to be nothing major, until much later. On June 28th, Vickers gets to the front door of Bedford Tower, only to realise his key to the front door is missing.

What? A guard lets him in, obviously knowing who he is, and Vickers thinks very little of it. He like i forgot my key that doesn't sound like vickers to me no july 3rd a staff member named mrs farrell found the front door to bedford tower was unlocked when she arrived and on july 6 mrs farrell found that the outer door to the strong room was unlocked. It had like two doors. The outer door's unlocked. Inner door was still locked, but the key was still sitting in the lock on a key ring with other keys. So a key is in there.

It'd be quite easy to get in. Yeah. That seems pretty obviously sus. Yeah. She told a sentry whose name was Stivey. That's a good name. Who looked around the strong room but found nothing amiss. Later that same day, on July 6th, a messenger from the jewellers arrived.

They'd been doing alterations to one of the gold collars used by a member of the Order of St Patrick, which was stored with the rest of the crown jewels. Vickers was busy with his work and he handed Stivey a key and told him to go down to the library and place the collar in the safe. Stivey placed the key in the lock and was confounded. The key would not turn the direction he expected

it to. He turned the key the other way and tried the handle. The safe wouldn't open. It was locked. Realisation came to him. This is Dan Nosowitz again. If turning the key that way had locked the safe, then that must mean that before he arrived

he ran back to vicar's office and told him that the safe had been unlocked when he got to it together they rushed to the library opened the safe and discovered that everything was gone oh how long was he gone for sounded a bit sus this sus, this guy. Stivey. It was unlocked when I got to it. Why have you been gone for three days? What's that in your back pocket? I got lost. Some sort of star? Nothing.

No, no, that's a star I already had. Yeah, that already had the... Went to Disneyland. Mickey Mouse diamond. That's fine. Vic is immediately called the police and it was found that the front door of the tower, the strong room door and the safe had not been forced open.

Either the locks had been opened by professional copies or someone had the original keys. They said like if somebody had sort of hastily made a copy of the key, there would be certain marks on the lock that would sort of indicate a key that didn't quite fit. It was none of that. So they're like, these are professional copies that have taken, you know, a while to make or they've got the original keys somehow.

And the cops, you were saying, are in the castle already. Yeah. So they're pretty quick. Yeah. I had to, as it said, Vickers immediately called the police and I had to Google like when were phones around. 9-10-07, do they have phones? I think yeah so that's just that's a little bit of my own fact checking man that's good fact checking it's like hang on a second oh yeah they had phones

they texted the cops yeah sent out an MMS of an open safe with a question mark. What the fuck? WTF. And an emoji shock face. But so they like, okay, it's a professional copy or someone has the original keys. But from all accounts, all the keys were accounted for. Dublin police investigation quickly dried up. So they called in the big guns. Right.

So they found all the keys, the one around his neck and around his. Penis. Oh, wow. They're both still there. Imagine that, him looking down. Oh, I they found all the keys to one around his neck and around his penis. Oh, wow. They're both still there. Imagine that, him looking down. Oh, I didn't notice it had gone. Oh, look at you down there. Have a quick look. Still there. Everything's in order.

There's your father. I'll see you later. You talking to your penis? No, no, his. That's not I'll see you later You talking to your penis? No no he is That's not Me Jess That's not something you would do That would be odd

So Scotland Yard gets called Inspector John Kane arrived on July 12 And it's not very clear How long he investigated for But when he was done He sent a report to the Dublin police identifying the person he believed to have committed the theft. Kane's report was roundly rejected by Dublin police

and Kane and his team were sent back to London immediately. The report has never been released. Oh, right. So it just said the name of his enemy and they were like, no. No, it said that it's been suppressed. That's funny. So he's accused someone important and they've gone, no, no one can see this. He just wrote.

That seems dodgy AF. He just wrote the king on a piece of paper and handed it over. Whoa. Well, newspapers speculated that this was a cover-up. Kane had found too much and was convinced it was an inside job. And this is from an article in Irish Times. What quickly became apparent after the initial discovery of the jewel's absence

was that their theft had taken place sometime earlier, possibly even weeks before, but no one had noticed. It seems the thieves were so keen to have their work discovered that they had returned more than once in order to leave behind successive, more obvious clues that a break-in had occurred.

So it's like they stole it, nothing happened, and they're like... Oh, so it was a protest. They were doing this to be seen. Potentially. Because it would be hard to sell a crown jewels, I imagine. Yeah, so those events that I'd mentioned before where a door was open or a key was missing, they were probably because the thief came back to get them to actually check to realize

the jewels are gone and they still didn't. They kept coming back going, did I actually steal the jewels? Let me go and have a look. No, still not there. Still not there. I definitely, and checked my pocket. Yes, definitely still got them on me walking around here. I'm wearing the jewels and nobody's noticed anything

so the crown what are crown jewels something that just sits on top of a crown it's it's the jewels that belong to the crown right so it's like a necklace not literal hat crown no so this one's the royal hat no but the crown is in the position of correct or whatever yeah the the family. That's funny. I never put that together before. Yeah. Crown jewels, I just assume were the jewels on the crown. Yeah.

This one was for, like, you know, that long-named order. I wish I could hear and see people going, oh, Matt. Oh, Matt. So naive. Everyone knows about crown jewels. Everyone. If that is you, lean into your iPod right now, because this is a message for you, and you

alone. Fuck off. Fuck right off. I'm sorry I've been busy getting on with my life. I don't have time to sit around thinking about you, and your crown jewels, and all this bloody nonsense, okay? I'm out here in the real world.

Yeah, that's for you. So some people, as I mentioned before, thought it was an inside job. Vickers denied that anyone on his staff would do such a thing and staunchly denied having anything to do with it himself. I hope he said something like, frankly, I'm offended by the insinuation. What are you saying, Poirot?

I always get so offended at the end. What are you saying? William Durnham, the curator from Dublin Castle, says, politically, it was a huge embarrassment. These things were emblematic of British rule in Ireland, so their loss became symbolic of the disappearance of the British reins of Irelandish reigns of ireland so it's a big deal so that's why it feels like maybe it's some uh independence seeking

irish people potentially yep there's lots of different some treasure seeking irish people there's lots of different theories some sort of pirates land pirates Yeah, I got me some crown jewels there. I'll bury me treasure under an XR. An XR? An XR, yeah. Wow. XR, which is one of the early falcons. Oh, no, that's an XV.

Fuck. That's embarrassing, Dave. Oh, my God. Did you hear what Dave just said? There's probably a few people that are annoyed right now, and if that's you, just lean into your room. There's probably a few people that are annoyed right now And if that's you, just lean in to your role Honestly, just a blanket rule

If at any point you're annoyed, just lean in And just know we are doing our best And we are just three people going about our lives And if you don't like that and like the work we put into this Then fuck off Fuck off, we're just cruising through to the end of the year. Come on. Come on.

No, good on you. Thanks so much for all your support. Thanks for listening. Really appreciate it. We're trying really hard. Just having a bit of fun here. We're in a very hot room. I'm halfway through this milk.

Yeah. And I commit to it. I know it's, I mean, the milk's almost warm now. And the thing is, that's your second one of the recording session. Okay, yes. The the thing is, that's your second one of the recording session. Okay, yes. The second one is 750 mil. Yeah, I've got a lot of milk in me right now. There's so much milk.

Plus, in between podcast recordings, we had a spiced ginger beer with our lunch. So that's in the middle of your two milks. I love it. As well as a burrito. I don't want to be thinking so much about Matt's guts right now, to be honest. Oh, great. Oh, here love it. As well as a burrito. A milky sandwich. I don't want to be thinking so much about Matt's guts right now, to be honest. Oh, great. Oh, here we go.

No one's thinking about Matt's guts. Yeah, so now what? Yeah, my guts are just here. What are they, chopped liver? Give them a thought, spread them a thought. It's just regular liver, mate. So anyway, back to the theft. A reward of 1,000 pounds was issued, which was a hefty sum at the time.

Right, I was going to say, that sounds like an offensively low amount to find the crown jewels. We will give you a voucher to our library. This is in 1907. That was probably a fair bit of cash, you know. If you find these crown jewels worth upwards of $200 million, we will give you a free packet of chips. We will publicly thank you.

We will give you a Pret-a-Monger gift card for $15.35. When I say publicly, I mean we'll go out at some point onto the front porch and we'll say thank you very much to Jess Perkins who found and recovered the crown jewels. This is a public thank you for you. And there you go. Well done. Thanks so much. Enjoy your meal at Pret-a-Monger.

Publicly thanked. So, yeah, it's a big amount of money for this reward. So, no surprise, I received a lot of tips and a lot of dead ends. What's one of the tips? Tips fuck off. Fuck off. All right, thanks. Got a few prank tips.

Thanks to all the super sleuths out there who thought it would be funny to prank our suggestion box. I've got a tip for you. My dick. Thank you very much. Well, we will be searching. We'll be searching your dick and following up with all loose ends. We will be searching your dick.

Sorry about that. Who's laughing now, huh? You're patting down a dick. Just a finger on his arm. Why's it getting bigger? Wait, isn't that what all dicks do? Get bigger at the end?

Uh-oh. Sorry, just going to make a quick call. Yeah, doctor. Yeah, I'm going to need you to have another look. Something is not right. Vickers himself received a tip from a woman stating that her daughter had had visions about the theft. Unsure about the spiritual side of things, but intrigued and probably a little desperate,

Vickers had his friend, Francis Shackleton... Any relation? Yes. What? To Ernest Shackleton? Set up a meeting. Yes. So this is Dan Nosowitz describing Francis.

Francis Shackleton was the brother of Ernest Shackleton, who was a mega celebrity in Britain at the time for his voyages to the Antarctic. Francis was an incredibly charming man, handsome and clever and witty, and operated as a man about town in the upper echelons of both Dublin and London society. He was a stockbroker of sorts, but it's unclear whether he was actually good at it. He'd gone bankrupt at least once. Partying seemed to interest him more.

Nice. That's Dan writing about him. But yes, one of the people who suggested this topic was like, this is a little bit of a sequel because I don't know if we mentioned Francis, but we've obviously done Shackleton and his expedition. This is his brother. Wow.

Isn't that wild? Yeah. That's amazing. If people haven't listened, that's an episode people often cite as one of our good eps, one of our few good episodes. What's it called, Dave? The Shackleton's Endurance? Shackleton's Endurance, the name of the ship. It's a of our few good episodes. What's it called, Dave? The Shackleton's Endurance?

Shackleton's Endurance, the name of the ship. It's a very good episode. There's a whole riff about slugs. It's really fun. Episode 68. Whoa. While back now? I'm going to go back and listen to that one.

I've got a summer road. I'm on a summer road trip right now. Oh, loving that. I'll be listening to that. I'm on a summer road trip right now. Oh, loving that. So I'll be listening to that. I love that you are able to listen back. Not if it's my report. Right. Yeah, no, that's a good point.

Yeah, they're brutal. And even then, I spend a lot of the time, any time I talk, I'm like, shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. But it is fun when I say that I have the same thought now that I did five years ago. I'm like, oh. That's awesome. It's funny when I say that I have the same thought now that I did five years ago.

That's awesome. It's funny when I'm listening back and you guys are talking and all I'm thinking is shut up and let the other man speak. Get back to Dave. He's so good. Yeah, we agree. Yeah. So we're all thinking the same thing.

We're all thinking the same thing. Dave's amazing. Jess and Matt, shut up. We are very similar, Jess. I definitely cringe. Don't worry. When, man? Yeah, yeah. What are we doing here? I don't know. We are very similar Jess I definitely cringe Don't worry When Yeah yeah

What are we doing here I don't know I've thought about that Going Dave Do you want to Just do the reports each week Yeah Would you want to

Would you want to do that No Okay Your reports are great Okay I think I don't think that's actually The reason why

It's been a great year Honestly you guys have brought Some of the best topics No I just forget the best topics. No, I just forget the best topics. Anyway, so Shackleton will come up in the story more as we go, but he sets up a meeting with the woman and her daughter who was having visions. She told Vickers that the jewels had been buried in a cemetery

in a small town outside of Dublin. Unfortunately, her visions could have been applied to either of two cemeteries. that's unfortunate they're gonna have to dig up two entire cemetery because of a dream Vickers traveled to each and dug around several tombstones no jewels were found but the story did make it to the press making Vickers a greater subject of mockery than he had already become. Oh, no. So even back then, I was like, was this long ago enough that people were like,

visions can be things, but not really? I think he was definitely sceptical. He was a bit like, oh, yeah, this will be bullshit. Worth a try. But you did say he's really desperate. Yeah. They were lost under his watch, weren't they? He was intrigued by it. Yeah, exactly right.

But it's also like part of you might be like well maybe this is just a weird way of someone coming clean oh yeah like i can't admit to it so i've got someone to say oh we had a vision yeah yeah yeah maybe we can wait for clean water solutions Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future.

So before we get to some theories, some characters to note. So we have Shackleton, Frank Shackleton spent most of his time in London, but he did come to Dublin sometimes and had arrangements with Vickers to stay at his house. In fact, despite only spending a month or so per year in Dublin, Shackleton paid half of Vickers' rent and bills. They were good friends. And was he quite wealthy? Yes, he's quite wealthy and I think there's a part

like some people sort of say that he kind of liked that he could do stuff like that. Like he was flashy with his money. Yeah, great. If people want to be flashy with their money with us, that'd be fantastic. Somebody wants to pay half my rent, all of it.

That'd be fine. I already pay half of the rent here. So if you could pay my entire half, that would be ace. That'd be so flashy if you did that.

But is the catch... That'd be so flashy. The catch is that I have to spend one month a year with you. And this house is haunted. This house? This house. This one we're in? Is. And this house is haunted. This house? This house.

This one we're in? Is it not? Is it haunted? Yeah. I always felt that. Yeah, I felt a presence. Of what? Well.

Of whom? Some sort of horny ghost. A horny ghost. I'm not a horny ghost. You've got to spend one night in a haunted, horny house. That would be pretty. So did you say haunted house? No. No. Haunty. What do you mean? I like

the Shackleton's parents. They obviously were a straight to the point kind of family. Frank and Ernest are the names. My children. No mucking about here. Their sister's name was Sincere. Beautiful name. That's really good

Have you thought about Ernest? Bringing Ernest into the fam? Anybody want to name a kid Ernest? Yeah Shuck or not Yeah, great Great little brother for Straight Shooter Straight Shooter Shackleton

Nossowich writes Shackleton was also widely known to be gay at a time when it was completely taboo in Irish society, not to mention illegal, but says Durnham, you can get away with most things if you have money, he was pleasantly human in polite society, Shackleton's lover

was a man named Captain Richard Gorges oh my god, Dick Gorges. Oh, my God. Dick Gorges. Oh, my God. I didn't even put that together. Dick Gorges. Dick Gorges.

Dick Gorges by name. Gorges Dick by pantaloon region. His service in South Africa was described as violent, bullying and criminal by an Irish member of parliament. Gorges, as a somewhat prominent military man, would have been known to the security forces at Dublin Castle. Okay. He was a well-known... Yeah.

So that's just one of the characters, Francis, and of course his lover, Richard. Gorges. Big Gorges. And then there was, check this name out, Pierce Gun Mahoney. That's gotta be fake. Gun! No, I think his mother's maiden name was Gun.

And it's just G-U-N, it's not double N. Pierce Gun Mahoney. He was Arthur Vicar's nephew and he was given the honorary position of Cork Herald by his uncle, which granted him status in Dublin. See, there he is, giving away titles. Yeah, yeah.

Dodgy as, I knew it. He really liked Arthur Vickers had like a couple of half-brothers and he like was very close with them and Pierce was the son of one of them and he was like, I'll help you out. Pierce was also one of the key holders of the Outer Strongroom door but spent a lot of his time in England but felt a great deal of loyalty towards Vickers for the gift of this job and title,

so he probably wasn't sus. Hey, thanks for this job. I'm not going to be here, but thank you so much. Yeah, a lot of them, like, and a lot of the people working there weren't paid. It was, like, honorary to be part of, like, it's very odd. It's like, is it a job? And they weren't around a lot, but they had these titles. It's like being a college team mascot.

Do it for the glory. Do it for the glory. Another character is Francis Bennett Goldney. Goldeneye? G-O-L-D-N-E-Y. Goldeneye? I'm going to say Goldeneye because it sounds badass. Let's call him Goldeneye.

We've got Pierce. O-L-D-N-E-Y. Goldeneye? I'm going to say Goldeneye because it sounds badass. Let's call him Goldeneye. We've got Pierce. Francis Bennett Goldeneye, who descended from a line of antiquities scholars. He displayed much of his collection in a museum in Canterbury. He even ended up the honorary director of the museum as a result of donating so much. And he moved to Canterbury where he joined the town's upper echelons. He was elected to town council, then became mayor,

and eventually was elected to the House of Commons. Bennett Goldeneye met Vickers in 1905 and outright asked Vickers for a position within the office of the Ulster King of Arms. He was like, hey, give me a job. Give me a title. Oh, one, please. Come on. Vickers is sort of like Well you need

Recommendations And This guy Francis Is very well connected So he's like No problem But it took a little while But he was officially sworn in

In May 1907 Just two months Before the theft Okay Huh So that's I'm thinking like These titles don't mean anything

They're just giving them away Not like you know The titles that are given to you From your parents Not the real ones Way more meaningful Obviously you've earned those Yeah of course

By being born Which he chose to do He chose to born He chose to born Wow He chose to born Oh I choose to born So those are just some characters To keep in your mind And we'll get to some theories Involving some of those characters He chose to born. Oh, I choose to born.

So those are just some characters to keep in your mind and we'll get to some theories involving some of those characters in just a sec. That's a bad sign that I'm saying stuff like he chose to born. He chose to born. I'm feeling unravelling. Maybe have a little bit more milk. Yeah, you've stopped nursing your milk. Yeah, are you okay? Is your milky not good?

Is it too cold? Do you want me to warm up that milk for you? Yeah, check it in the microwave for me. Oh, gross. Hearing of the theft just a few days before his visit, the king was pretty pissed. Oh, so he is about to want to wear them. Yeah, and they're gone.

Oh, this is the worst possible time. Like we were saying before, it doesn't look good politically yeah yeah this is the visit he wants to go perfectly he wants this to be very smooth he needs it to be smooth where would he be wearing them like as a necklace sort of thing i guess so like one's a little badge and another is a star and i don't know where you wear that i'm not gonna be able to wear my badge my visit is ruined the kingdom is falling apart people will definitely not respect me without my to wear my badge. I'm not going to be able to wear my little badge. My visit is ruined. The kingdom is falling apart. People will definitely not respect me without my little badge. I need my little badge. My name is King Edward.

It has so many little jewels on it. It's so sparkly and I feel like a fancy boy. So the king demanded that Vickers resign, but Vickers refused. Vickers demanded the king resign. He's like, I'm not quitting. You quit. Without your badge, what are you? What are you?

Oh, nothing. Wear your little hat. He said that he'd done nothing wrong and he blamed the Board of Works for their screw-up with the safe not fitting in the strong room. Vickers wanted his story to be heard and to defend himself in as public a venue as he could create. So he asked for a royal commission, which would mean a trial that would allow him to call witnesses to support him,

and it would be in front of the public, and he could clear his name a bit. But this was refused. He was instead given a vice regal commission trial, which allowed no witnesses, barred the public and press, and took as its mandate not an investigation of the crime, but a vicar's performance of his duty.

So it's like it's personal. So they're not even looking for the jewels really? No. That sounds like a lot worse than what he wanted. Yeah, it is. But what he wanted did sound like a bit of a waste of time maybe. But he just wanted to clear his own name and this is back in a time when like status was everything.

He didn't care how much money it cost. He didn't care. He refused to attend the trial they did give him and the commission found Vickers delinquent in his duties based on the statutes he himself had written in 1905, including the one that stated the safe must be located in the strong room. But I mean, it's not his fault. But because the safe was never moved to the strong room

and remained in the library, Vickers had failed the duties he himself had set out. It sat there for six years, mate. He was fired. You walk past it every day for six years. I feel nothing for this man. He sounded awful. Just widen the door frame.

Not the door. That wouldn't help. Now the door doesn't fit. Why don't you... We've tried everything. We took this door off the hinges, added three metres To either side of it

And you're never going to believe it I can't get it in I cannot get it in there I mean What else can I do? This is witchcraft I've consulted that woman Who has visions

I've waited six years I've done everything by the book I thought that naturally The door would expand over time It hasn't Doesn't that happen in summer time? A bit warmer The doors expand

Just waiting for a really hot day. The Irish summer. Blistering heat. So Vickers was offered a full pension, but only if he stopped asking for a public trial. So why were they so keen to let this blow over? Well, Vickers' nephew, Pierce Gunn Mahoney, had been trying to use his connections to get help for his uncle's case,

but no one would help, and he was told that Vickers was known to have associated with men of undesirable character. Gay. A massive scandal had just occurred in Germany, where Kaiser Wilhelm II, who was the king, Edward's nephew, had repeated claims made that members of his cabinet and social circles had been involved in homosexual acts. Accusations bounced back and forth

and many in the Kaiser's inner circle were forced to resign. King Edward did not want to suffer a similar scandal himself. Mahoney even tried to clear his uncle's name by telling a newspaper publisher that Vickers was a bit of a drinker and one time passed out in his office and woke up wearing the jewels. I don't know how you thought that would clear his name.

Nothing, sus. He just drank on the job. He drank on the job, woke up, jewels were on him. He's like, oh, lol. Who put them there? She's baffling. And this is the man you're blaming? This man?

He was fully nude and they were on his penis. They were on his penis and he could not get them there. Which is baffling. And this is the man you're blaming? This man? He was fully nude and they were on his penis. They were on his penis and he could not get them off. Is crown jewels a euphemism for your cock and balls? Yeah. Maybe that's where it came from. Probably. Him wearing them around his penis. Yeah.

Knowing this, the newspaper writer said, is it so hard to believe that somebody could have swiped the key to the safe for a real theft because there was like stories that he would be because he'd be drinking with his friends and his friends would like um go they'd take the keys steal the jewels and like hide them and then he'd wake up and be like oh those jewels and they'd be like here they are and they'll go so then like his nephew's trying to clear him by telling this story and the newspaper's like, so it's incredibly easy to access these jewels. He's quite incompetent.

His friends just did like treasure hunts on the weekend with him. Yeah, it seems like his friends were incredibly disrespectful to his job and so was he. It actually sounds like a really toxic relationship he has with his friends. Agreed. Get new friends. Do you know what I mean? I know what you mean. Like just get new friends. Agreed. Get new friends. Do you know what I mean? I know what you mean.

Like, just get new friends. Like, get different and new friends. Yeah. Different to the ones you have. Exactly, yeah. I know what you mean. Do you know what I mean? I'm not saying that of you.

Okay. I don't think you... I hadn't interpreted it that way. Okay, great. I just want to make sure you were not leaving me because that will not go well for you. I know where you live. Okay.

I will be out the front. Okay. In the rain. Holding a boombox. Of course, with you and your new friends. And I'll say, I enjoy him now, new friends. He'll be tossed to the side. I'm drunk at this point as well so the government tactic

of china sort of breeze over it a bit eventually worked the story faded out of the headlines the reward was never claimed the tips became increasingly preposterous and the jewels remain missing over a century later whoa it's a mystery episode they're still missing they're still missing the irish crown jewels they're missing which weren't really until they're so they've never been the crown jewels whilst someone's had them no that's just sort of how they came to be spoken about so what they actually were was uh an insignia of the most illustrious order of saint patrick the most important chivalric order in Ireland. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

That's definitely a thing that makes sense to me. Like the head of which was the king or queen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they just called them crown jewels. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chivalric. Chivalric and Ireland and Patrick. Yeah.

Pickle Rick, Chivalric. I get it. I get it. Pickle Rick, Chivalric. Yeah, it's all the same thing. I get it. That's good stuff. So get it. Pickle Rick, shivel Rick. Yeah, it's all the same thing. I get it. That's good stuff. So, some theories.

Hit me. Number one. Do you want to go first or should we? Well, do you have a theory so far? Well, it feels like either Vickers took them, Pickle Vic, as I call him. Pickle Vic. But it feels like it's

but it feels like there's a cover up so someone important's taken them yeah and I reckon it's someone who doesn't like

Pickle Rick Edward in that okay yep probably doesn't like Pickle Rick because they're all in the same Pickle Vic because they're all

in the same sort of genre of loving England but I don't know who maybe is St. Patrick's of the Life? No. Okay. So I'm ruling him out.

Dave, any theories? Let's see what Dave and you have to say. But I think I've pretty much done most of the work there and see if you want to finish it up. Dave, anything to add? I think it was probably the guy who installed the safe room and then got yelled at for not making the door big enough and went, you know what? I'll get back at you in six years.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that would be annoying if someone yelled at you for that. And you wouldn't remember who you yelled at six years ago. No, because it sounds like this guy yells at a few people. So he wouldn't be like top of mind for revenge. I mean, you don't remember who you yelled at six years ago. I can't.

Who was that guy who yelled at... Who yelled at so many people since? How do I remember them all? How many people are you yelling at, Bob? I mean, that was the joke. I don't understand jokes. You just then were Twitter and I was you. Wait, hang on a second.

You keep tweeting. You don't know who you yelled at. I mean, I've never yelled at anybody. I think the problem was it was believable. Me yelling? Yeah. How dare you? How dare you?

Number one. Francis Shackleton is the mastermind Behind the theft He somehow gets One of Vicar's keys And makes a copy He does have access To Vicar's house Where the second key sits

So it's not that hard Oh that's right Because he fucking Pays for that house Yeah he pays the rent And he stays there For a month He then goes out of town

To London Making it a point To meet with London aristocracy To cement an alibi His lover George Gorgeous His his lover Gorgeous. Dick Gorgeous.

Dick Gorgeous commits the theft as he's able to get in and out of Dublin Tower without suspicion. Right, because he's a military man. Exactly, everybody knows him. The crown jewels are then broken apart and melted down and sold. From Nosowitz, he says, this, some believe, was the conclusion of the report from Kane, the Scotland Yard inspector.

But the king and his cronies, fearful of scandal, allow him to get away with it. Kane is sent back to London, while Shackleton is too politically radioactive to be the subject of a public trial. Can't get out that, like, there's rumours of orgies in cabinet. Right. So then the king and his inner circle will be targeted.

It feels like that would make... Wouldn't that make people a bit excited about the crown again? They're having orgies. Now it would, wouldn't it? Yeah. Can you imagine? Prince Charles orgy. Can you imagine like... Imagine Prince Charles married to a dude.

That would be the best. Do you know what I mean? I think that would be good PR for them. Exactly. It's like, what are the times? Oh, the entire family straight. Okay. Statistically, I don't think so.

Anyway, it would just be a bit more fun. But this is 1907. It's a different time. So who? I don't think so. Anyway, it would just be a bit more fun. But this is 1907. It's a different time. So who... I missed the very start. This is John Cain, I reckon, did it? It's Shackleton. Oh, Shackleton did it?

Yeah. Holy shit. Yeah. And he got his lover, who's a military man. Love it, actually steal it. Dick Gorgeous. Oh, Dick Gorgeous. Oh, my God.

But then there's too much heat to pin it on him and they don't want to look embarrassed that they let someone come in to steal their jewels. They just go, oh, whatever. Honestly, this sounds like a victimless crime to me. I agree. A victimless crime. He was not involved.

Number two still involves Shackleton, but it's that he was blackmailed. His homosexuality is widely known in polite society, but he relies on a delicate balance of silence, risk, elitism to survive. So in exchange for not exposing him to newspapers, Shackleton uses his access and knowledge to procure one of Vickers' keys but does not participate in the crime beyond that.

He does his best to help Vickers track down the thief. So when he's trying to help Vickers, he's genuinely trying to help. That's another theory. Right. Don't know how I feel about that one. Theory number three is a group of unionists did it theory number four is a group of nationalists did it yeah i was thinking more nationalists than unionists why would the unionists do it um it was like a very complicated paragraph that i couldn't quite follow so i left it to one dot point i can't really remember but both essentially were

trying to like embarrass the other or make the other look bad or like you know so there's a lot that can go into it and a lot of different theories within those theories yeah maybe quite dribble it's very confusing theory number five is uh only after his death is it discovered that antiques lover and mayor Francis Bennett Goldeneye was in fact a thief. While preparing the late Bennett Goldeneye's belonging for auction, ancient manuscripts stolen from the city of Canterbury were found in his house. Including the Irish crown jewels. But mostly we were interested in the manuscripts. Irish crown jewels. But mostly we were interested in the manuscripts.

So, yeah, stuff stolen from Canterbury where he was living were found in his house along with a fairly valuable painting. Only he could have taken the manuscripts owing to his privileged position as mayor. Like, he would have had access. There were some of the early manuscripts, like for the part for Friends, for the Joey characters' autobiography, the actor who played him, Matt Friends. Yeah. For the Joey character's autobiography. Yes.

The actor who played him, Matt LeBlanc. Also the manuscript for Phoebe's songs about cats. Yep. Other Friends things. Yeah. My brain's not thinking outside of that for some reason. You just went straight to Friends and stayed in Friends. I'm not sure why I got stuck in Friends.

It's okay. Because we're friends? Yeah, that's it. It was not the concept of friendship. No. So then perhaps Bennett Goldeneye obtained the key either by himself or with the aid of Shackleton. He creates an alibi, heads out

of Dublin and orchestrates the theft just a few months after joining Vicar's crew of honorary assistants. When questioned, he is coy and ambiguous and points investigators towards Shackleton. He's like, maybe you should be talking to Shackleton about it. I don't know. I don't know anything.

The jewels are gone? Crazy. I love the idea that a few of these series are that people made an alibi, made up an alibi. It's like they have an alibi. So what they would have done is made an alibi, made up an alibi. It's like they have an alibi. So what they would have done is made an alibi. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They would have made that.

They would have made it look like. Would have had to create an alibi. Yeah, you've got to look for the guy who doesn't have an alibi because he didn't make one up. Clearly didn't do it. Yeah, I mean, that's not your guy. That's not your guy. That's not your guy.

If you've got an alibi, exactly. Again, it's a double bluff. You've got an alibi, it's's the guy no alibi no guy that's yeah the age-old rhyme that actually makes a lot of sense i think we can all agree yeah if anyone was there had access uh no alibi then yeah rule them out it's too obvious next if you're watching poirot that is definitely yeah exactly the person you think it is It's definitely ain't them I watched an episode

Recently Where it was an apparent suicide Well there was a A guy Who died He was on his desk Gun in his hand And I go

Tell you what Jap's gonna come in and say Open shut case Poirot This is a suicide And that's exactly what he did And Poirot's like I'm not so sure, mon ami. It's like, Jap doesn't know he's in a shot.

Why would he ever question Poirot? Nothing's ever open shot when Poirot's in a shot. What we got here, Poirot, is another open shot case. Let's go get some lunch. Honestly, every week he's saying this to Poirot. I'm in the mood for a chip butty. Is that what they're called? A little butty? Yeah, a little chip butty. Is that what it's called? A little butty?

Yeah, a little chip butty. Sandwich with chips. Great decision. I love to double up on the carb. Double carb. Hey, who doesn't? Potato pizza. Fuck me, I love a double carb.

Oh, I love a potato pizza. I love a potato pizza. Okay. My Italian, Swiss Italian ancestors rolling over in their... You know I love a classic authentic margarita. That's number one. Potato pizza? Hey that's a special occasion pizza. So those are just some of the theories

none of which have gained very much traction. The jewels nor any other piece of incriminating evidence has been found. But you know we love a curse that do go on. And these characters that I've mentioned certainly seem to have a bit of bad luck. Follow them.

These summaries are from Dan Nosowitz again. Honestly, it's a great read and a lot more in-depth and also easier to follow than anything else. So, love you, Dan. Does he have a couple of people being annoying throughout his article? Like every now and then someone's coming in going, oh, I shouldn't be drinking milk

and stuff like that. Like right when he's about to drop a bomb, they go like. Penis. That guy's name sounds funny. No, that doesn't happen in this article. But it could have happened while he was writing. He just didn't type it down. In his writing, didn't point out that dick gorgeous is funny.

No, he didn't. So like, how good are you, Dan? Dan, what is wrong with you? Yeah, well. Missed opportunity there. And this was only written, like, Dan's article was in November of 2021. So, it's fresh. That is fresh.

Thankfully. Hot off the presses. Hot off the presses. So, anyway, these are what happened to some of these characters. The beauty of, you know, this is going to get solved in 2022. Oh, big time. Yeah. And I'm happy to be a part of it

We're like a reverse curse We're an anti-curse We fix stuff We're like Bob the Builder Or it'll be turned into a movie One of the two So Francis Shackleton declared bankruptcy in 1910 Owing the truly astounding amount of £85,000

When you were talking about a thousand being heaps back then. £85,000. Well over 10 million today he was in debt. He fled to Portuguese West Africa, but was there accused of cashing a widow's cheques. He was sent back to London and sentenced to 15 months of hard labour. In 1913, he was charged with conspiring to steal hundreds of thousands of dollars from his old friend,

Lord Ronald Gower, by purchasing stocks that didn't exist and pocketing the money. Now there's curses and there's just doing crimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been cursed. Oh no, it's not me. I'm not defrauding my friends and family. It's the curse.

Some of the others feel a little more cursey. But in this one, he changed his name, moved in with his sister and died broke. Oh, the curse. The curse changed one he changed his name moved in with his sister and died broke oh the curse the curse changed my name made me move in

with my sister I don't like her cooking oh I'm cursed Pierce Gunn Mahoney moved in moved to a family home in County Kerry

where he remained close with Vickers a book by Francis Bamford and Viola Banks, it's called Vicious Circle, claims that the 1908 Sherlock Holmes story, The Adventure of the Bruce Partington Plans, was a thinly veiled riff on the theft of the Irish crown jewels.

This is only a year later. In it, a character who may or may not have been based on Mahoney is murdered in an extraordinary way, which at first appears like suicide relating to the theft of priceless government property. Open shut case, Poirot. That's what I was just like when you said it before. I was like, huh.

So that was like, that was the story. That was the Sherlock Holmes story. This character's loosely based on him, I reckon, and that's how he dies. In 1914, Mahoney was due to have tea with some neighbours. He planned to get there by rowing a boat across a pond. As the pond had many waterfowl, Mahoney took a shotgun with him. His body was discovered the next day.

Oh, no, the fowl shot him. The fowl wrestled the gun off him. He'd been shot through the heart. Oh, shit. Fowl play had often been suggested. That's good stuff. Foul play has been suggested, but nothing's been proven. Yeah, right.

So he died in a kind of mysterious way. How do they get their wing in the little... But they're saying that he's roaming across a pond and then the kayak rocks up and they're like, oh, hello. Oh, no. And they just see seem slumped over with a bullet through the heart yeah and he had a shotgun yeah so he couldn't have done it

himself no it's gotta be one of the birds gotta be a bird foul play oh boy is that a pun yes that's a pun so then we have francis bennett goldeneye he was elected he was elected to Parliament in 1910 and in 1917 was appointed attaché in Paris. In 1918 he was involved in an unspecified motoring accident and died of renal hemorrhage. A year later his secret life as a thief was revealed.

And then we have Arthur Vickers. He was disgraced, fired from his job that was his life's work and left penniless after he refused a pension that seemed like him to hush money. He relied on money from his brother in law and a bit of cash that he got from suing the Daily Mail for libel. The paper had the paper admitted that it invented a story about Vickers mistress being behind the theft. He married, but yeah, the Daily Mail... Daily Mail has a long and proud history, obviously.

Long history. They made up this whole story about a mistress getting the key and stealing it and then he's getting the money and they admitted they made the whole thing up and this person didn't exist. That's wild. Anyway, he insisted on his... I love how people talk about tabloid papers these days.

You can't trust the news anymore Not like back in 1917 Back in the day When the Daily Mail had integrity Just fully invented stories Fucking crazy Lamestream media

You know what I'm talking about He insisted on his innocence Until his death And even in his will He like Left something in his will That was like I didn't do it

Even in his will And he died in like a A not was like, I didn't do it. Even in his will. And he died in like a not great way, which I didn't write down. Right. But like in his will, who did he leave the diamond and crust? He was Walt Disney. And he's like,

this gives me an idea. He was essentially like taken. He was killed, I gives me an idea. He was essentially taken... He was killed, I think, by the IRA. And they broke into his house and he was held at gunpoint while they attempted to break into the house's strong room. And then they torched the house and shot him in front of his wife.

Did they think... Maybe they thought the crown jewels were there? Oh, who knows? But it's interesting. That's not a nice way to go. No. But it's interesting that you said it was his life's work, but you also said before that he was drunk on the job all the time.

He was really into the heraldry bit and the genealogy. He was very... Right. He was obsessed with it. genealogy. He was very... Right. He was obsessed with it. He loved it. He was so interested in it. But the part of the job that entailed being in charge of the jewels, he didn't like that part.

So, it's still a mystery. The jewels have never been found. I really hope it comes up soon. Right? That would be so good. Like it's going to be found in a vault somewhere. Like can you melt down emeralds and stuff? You could break them apart and make other jewels out of those.

So they could be just out. And would there be any way to know? I don't know. I'm asking you like you're a jewel expert now. If they're massive, you could probably cut them up into smaller bits. Right. Yeah, I wonder if people would be able to tell. I don't know.

You've done the report on diamonds. But if it's still... Would people be able to tell? I don't know. If it's still one of the five largest rubies ever found, it's pretty obvious where it's from. I'm thinking of Ocean's 8, where Mindy Kaling takes the fancy jewels

and makes them into other jewels and then they just wear them out. Oh, that's clever. Hidden in plain sight. That's the Met Gala. Favourite place to hide. Plain sight? Yeah.

Okay. Mine's under the couch. Very high-legged couch. Yeah. It's terrible to be honest. It's a nightmare to get onto. But that is my report on the theft of the Irish crown jewels. The last report of 2021.

Wow, there it is. I think it's been the year of the heist this year for us. We've had quite a few, which have been good fun. It's funny, actually. I put that one up to the vote, and a couple of people commented, like, let's see out the year with another heist. They were all for it.

Yeah. Well, I think, if I'm not mistaken, that brings us for the last time for the year to everyone's favorite section of the show where we thank a bunch of our great supporters. You can support us at dogoonpod.com or patreon.com slash dogoonpod. And once there, there's all different levels you can go on

depending on budget and what kind of reports, bonus things you want to get i think what level do you have to be able to get the crown jewels of ireland that's one of the higher levels yeah that's the top level that's only one available for that yeah that's right it's like what have we said that four million pounds four million pounds a month you have to ask no questions obviously yeah yeah you're gonna need £4 million a month for six months and then they will be shipped to you. Yeah, bit by bit.

Bit by bit. So you've got to stay on that level. Stay on. We've got Mindy Carlin involved. Have I said that name right? No. Mandy Patinkin? Mandy Patinkin.

Mandy Patinkin involved. The people that support the show, honestly, you make it possible for us to do this show for now six years in a row without missing a week, and we will be back next week, so we're not even going to miss a week because of these people. Yeah, I should just say, see you guys next year. No, Dave just said we have a report next week. Yeah, so I'll see you next year.

We haven't discussed you taking a year off from the podcast. That seems ridiculous. Yeah. What do you mean? I'll just say you next year. Like next Thursday. Oh, I get it. See you next year.

See you, Auntie Donna. It's not that hard. Jeez, we took the humour out of it. But back to the supporters. Wait, I was playing the straight man. That was all on you.

You get a bunch of bonus episodes. We put out three a month, including next week I will be putting out the famous annual Do Go On Awards, the Do Go Onners, the

Golden Shiny Garys, where we crown the best episode of the year, the most popular guest host. Yep we crown the best episode of the year, the most popular guest host. Yep. The best bonus episode of the year. The most brutal one is, of course, best presenter. Yes, but also the other one that Jess and I tend to love,

the best other two people. Yeah. The best combination of listeners. Let's do best sass twin combination. I'll put that up this year And yeah so that's voted for by the Patreon people But as well as that That's a win for us

We've put out two other bonus episodes a month And there's over nearly 130 bonus episodes now That you can unlock and you can get them all straight away As soon as you sign up Ridiculous So that's pretty cool This is the best live show we normally do as well Have we done any live shows?

We did. Oh, yeah, Comedy Fest, yep. And we did the 300th live as well. Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, so it's a bit of fun. I love it. I love getting in a tux. Yeah.

And just, you know. Oh, it's a podcast night of nights. Walking that red carpet. Have I picked mine up from the dry cleaner? Better check that. Thanks for the reminder. Yeah, you better. No worries.

Don't want to look a fool. And who did we get to host this year? Oh, we'll be hosting for the first ever time. We got the Dave Warnke. It's my first ever time. That is exciting. It's huge. That's a boon.

It's huge. That is huge. Anyway, the first thing we normally like to do, so you get all sorts of different rewards for supporting us, but the first one we normally like to do is the fact, quote or question section which has a little jingle I think goes something like this fact, quote or question

bing he always remembers the ding and for this one you get to give us a fact, quote or question if you sign up on the Sydney Schaumburg level I read out four of them each week I read them out for the first time on the pod no censorship here, we're not, this isn't Kaka Stan. Anyway, so I so desperately want to be a shock jock. But so the first one this week comes from Stefan Hedley. Stefan's

got the title, you also get to give yourselfedley. Stefan's got the title. You also get to give yourself a title. Stefan's got the title of President of the Make America More Mole Man. Okay. I agree. Yeah. And Stefan has offered us a quote, which is from the greatest character in history. My quote is, there is no escape from the kingdom of the moles well except that that's a mole man baby that's a mole man baby so like a baby mole yeah baby mole that's cute

that's a great quote great quote that's the simpsons mole man quote is that right dave absolutely for a little while there i was thinking that was you in character as a mole, and that was a quote of you as Mole Man. But no, it is a Simpsons Mole Man quote. They got there first, somehow. Thank you so much, Stefan. Next up, we've got Nathan Swapp, whose title is Aluminium Emperor. No, Aluminium Emperor. It must be in Americans.

And Nathan's fact this week is aluminum. Yes, aluminum. We put in an extra vowel, I think. Aluminium. Or they took one out. Aluminium. So Nathan's fact is, while aluminum is the most abundant metal on earth,

it used to be more valuable than gold in the 19th century. Emperor Napoleon III of France had many decorations made of aluminium and gave an aluminium... Oh, sorry, aluminium. And gave an aluminium bracelet to Queen Victoria. Even the Washington Monument in DC is tipped with an aluminium capstone. Jeez, that's hard to say.

So when Dave inevitably time travels to become a medieval warlord, don't forget a few rolls of aluminum foil. I'll be wrapping my body in head to toe in that precious, precious metal. That sounds great. I mean, you already wrap your head in it with all your bloody theories. God, you're a kook. Don't steal my thoughts.

Thank you very much, Nathan. That is fascinating. I had no idea about that. I didn't know that. Isn't it funny if you timed it just wrong that it lost its value just like a week after you'd bought this aluminum bracelet? Here you go. And then people went, actually, I'm just going to wrap fish in it.

Just going to make real thin sheets of it and wrap shit in it. Thank you very much, Nathan. The next one comes from Logan Husky. Fantastic name, of course. Great name. Logan has the title Token Bitter Furry Listener. Okay. And Logan asks a question, which is,

One of my favorite scenes from Doctor Who is from an episode called Vincent and the Doctor, where at the end, as a kind of epilogue, the Doctor takes Vincent Van Gogh from 1890 into the future, 2010, to show him how revered and inspirational his works are 120 years later. Van Gogh is brought to tears as he realises that people would eventually understand him and even if it wouldn't be in his lifetime, and that his art and legacy would endure for generations to come.

Very touching scene. Yeah, it's very nice. You've both seen this? Yeah. I didn't know you guys were nerds. I've never watched it, but I've seen that particular part on TikTok. It's on Instagram. I've seen that shared around a lot.

Yes, millions of views on YouTube as well. Oh, no kidding. Lovely. Very well done. Yeah, that's great. Millions of views on YouTube as well. Oh, no kidding. Oh, lovely. Built by. Very well done. Yeah, it's nice. Yeah, it's almost like a historical fan fiction. Yeah. Love that idea.

Is Doctor Who, have you watched the show Doctor Who? No. Yeah, I used to watch it as a kid because my granddad was really into it. I've heard it's really good. And then in the reboot, I watched the first with Christopher Eccleston and then David Tennant, but I haven't kept up with the other ones. Right. Something, yeah.

I feel like it's one day I'll probably try and go and watch it all. I've never seen an episode. Goes on to say, my question is, if you could go back in time and take anyone to the present day to show them the influence they had

on society or popular culture, who would you pick and what would you show them doesn't just have to be a creative figure can also be social or political and uh logan answer the question do you want i'll read out while you're thinking that's a fantastic question logan awesome question for me i would love to show john lennon how his songwriting still influences music today some 60 years after the fact and i'd also love to show John Lennon how his songwriting still influences music today some 60 years after the fact. And I'd also love to show J.R.R. Tolkien the Peter Jackson films of his books and just watch his reactions the entire time.

Thanks for the great show. Looking forward to seeing you live in Brisbane one day once all of this has blown over. Oh, awesome. Great one, Logan. That's so good. This feels like one of those questions you sort of need a fair bit of time to contemplate.

I think, yeah, John Lennon's a fantastic one. I think maybe there's so many of those artists that died not knowing, but maybe Emily Dickinson, the poet, who sort of just wrote in her own room and sort of never really got out there or rarely published and then is now seen as one of the greatest American poets of all time. After her manuscripts and handwritten things were found and published after she died, maybe something like that. It's quite heartbreaking to think about that.

Yes. Yeah, that somebody died thinking they hadn't really achieved much. Someone was telling me recently about a movie or something they watched about that yes yeah that somebody died thinking they hadn't really achieved much someone was telling me recently about a movie or something they watched about the guy who wrote rent yes and he died like the night of the opening night of rent right so or the night before i think it was dress rehearsal or something yeah without knowing that story he sounds like someone worthy of a yeah obviously that's still a... I mean, I've heard of...

I've never seen it, but I've heard of... It's a pretty influential musical parent. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's the one where they play... 525,600 minutes.

I've heard that. I was going to say that's the one where they tap on the bins and stuff. No. And wear steel cap boots. That's... Stomp. Is that tap dogs? You're thinking of boots that's uh that's uh stomp is that tap dogs you're thinking of tap dogs you're thinking of stomp i'm thinking of stomp am i thinking of well i mean rent probably influenced all these i think that was the first one to tap on the rent

is the one that was it's based on lab om the opera that we did for book cheat but i didn't realize at the time because i don't know anything about musicals. A few people said, why didn't you mention Rent? Sorry, I didn't know. Yes, that was funny because I was just hearing about that movie this week. So, yeah, I can't think of... I don't know why I can't think of... No, I can't really think either.

I guess, you know, like all the 27 Club. Yeah. You know, Jimi Hendrix. Amy Winehouse. Yeah. Kurt Cobain. They would know. I mean, he was pretty aware at the time.

But I wonder if it would blow their minds to see that they, like all of them, I think died pretty massive already. Yeah. I wonder if that, but to know that they're still thought of a lot would be interesting. Yeah, it's really cool. It's a great question. And the kind of one that I, yeah,

I feel like I'll think of better answers. For sure. Over the coming weeks. Absolutely. Great question. Thanks, Logan. I'll have to track down that Doctor Who scene. Sounds awesome.

Yeah, it's nice. Because he would have been the one I probably would have thought of. He's the most famous who died without knowing that his work was going to become so loved. Maybe what about... Who's that comedian who went to jail a lot for swearing and in America in like the fifties.

Went to jail for swearing? Yeah. And he died quite, I think he died in his thirties. Um. I have no idea. Dave, does that ring a bell for you at all? Um. Do you know his name?

I reckon if you heard it. In the fifts. Lenny Bruce. Ah. So, he died in 66, so I think he was already, you know, pretty, he was well regarded while he was alive, but I think his legacy's gone on

and I think people talk about him like he paved the way for a lot of people. So, yeah. Hmm. That's cool. John Belushi, another past... I mean, he was huge, but... Yeah.

There's an American writer, John Kennedy Toole, who took his own life and then 11 years later, his book, A Confederacy of Dunces, was published, I believe, after his mum pushed hard for it to be sold and it sold millions of copies and is now seen as one of the great comedy novels of the 20th century. And he died without knowing any of that. Wow, yeah, that's amazing. And he was only about 30 years old, 31. Just looked at, I found a list here.

Oh, and it won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction after he died. Whoa! So, pretty amazing. Apparently, Herman Melville died before he was a household name. Franz Kafka. Emily Dickinson's on this list. Johann Sebastian Bach. Wow, that's an influential one.

Yeah, cool. Yeah, great question. Really good question. Yeah, one that you'll keep mulling about. Yeah, maybe if one of us remember, we should do a post and get people to put their answers in there. I reckon on the Patreon group, someone will start a thread about that.

Thank you so much for that question. Great one, Logan. Finally, this week, for the Fat Quota question, we've got Julian Barnes, who's got the title of guy in charge of turning up the radio when Natalie Imbruglia's turn comes on. Turn or torn? Torn.

Did I say turn? But when she's played it, it is her turn. It is her turn. I'm turn. I'm already turn. Because it was a cover. This is how I turn. She changed that one letter and got a Ryan credit.

Yeah. Sorry, Julian. Julian has a question as well, which is, what is your most treasured piece of junk? He has answered the question. Mine is a beautiful hardback copy of 101 Dalmatians. That was chewed up by my Dalmatian when he was a puppy. He had the whole bookshelf to choose from,

and he grabbed that one book. I've kept it on the shelf all chewed up. That is a great piece of junk. That's cute Junk Yeah good question It's funny what people What others would consider to be junk

Like I've got a childhood teddy Yes Would mean absolutely nothing to anyone else But you know On the open market Probably wouldn't fetch that much money Not yet Not until after you die

Yeah And then I'm selling everything. And then you can bring me back to show me my influence and also how you crossed me by selling my stuff. Yeah, and how much money I made by selling all your stuff. I get your stuff if you die, right? Yeah, sure, sure, sure. Yes.

You're in my will. I've got things I keep like old... I've got like old ticket stubs for concerts I saw a long time ago back when you used to use physical ticket stubs. Old footy records that would not be worth much, but just looking at Send Me Back to being six years old, at Robin Footy Ground and stuff like that. That's nice.

Yeah, I've got like old Game Boy Pocket games for the Game Boy, which, you know, if you sold them on eBay, I'd probably get about $8. But I'm still like, oh, it's fun to see the packet of the James Bond game that I got in 1996. Love that. Yeah. Yeah, it's funny.

It's just those things that just bring back memories. Yeah. Yeah, great question, Julian. I can't think of anything. Everything for you is worth so much. Yeah, I have no junk. You're looking around this room, Matt, looking for junk. There's none.

The second you point at something and say, what about that? I'll be like, how dare you? What about that photo of you graduating? Yeah, that could fucking go. Graduating uni, looking uncomfortable because the little hat I'm wearing is too tight on my big head i thank you very much to julian logan nathan and stefan for those facts those quotes and those questions and we did get we got a factor question that time yeah uh the other people we'd love to thank uh at the end of the episode our other supporters are on the shout out level i think

the ass prod level or above and uh jess we normally come up with a little game based on the topic of the day. Do you have anything for today? Where they store the key. Oh, yes. Love that. Obviously, Arthur Vickers around his dick. Or in his house. If I could kick us off, I'd love to thank from Pakenham in the Australian Capital Territory,

Beau Stephen. Beau Stephen keeps the key in his left shoe. I'd love to thank from Pakenham in the Australian Capital Territory, Bo Stephen. Bo Stephen keeps the key in his left shoe. Well, he did until I exposed him. By grabbing his shoe? Yeah. He's cleverly putting it in his right shoe. Yeah, now I'll never find it. He's hopping after you.

Hey, come back. Oi, come back here. Oh, Bo, you have been foiled and I apologise for that. Hopefully that key doesn't open any important safes. I'd also love to thank from Forest Lake in Queensland, Australia, Millie B. Millie B. Millie B keeps her key. In a birdhouse in her soul.

Okay. Yes. So hang on. Location-wise, it's in her soul. Okay. Yes. So hang on. Location wise, it's in her soul. Yes. And then it's inside a birdhouse. A birdhouse. In her soul.

In her soul. Fuck, that's better than a shoe, isn't it? But also a soul. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. I'm not sure. Am I getting that from a They Might Be Giants song, I think?

Oh, okay. It did sound like it just fell out of your mouth. Yeah, I was thinking that at first, but I think I've just taken it. Birdhouse in Her Soul is fantastic. That's real good. Also got a little bit of Doom Patrol. There's a character who's got like a birdhouse in his chest. Oh, really?

Which I think is where one of the characters puts a key for safekeeping. So I'm absolutely unoriginal. What an absolute hack over here. I thought you'd been really interesting. Now I don't feel so bad about saying shoe. When you said birdhouse, I was like, this is really impressive. Yeah, in a soul, okay. We're getting kind of spiritual at this level.

This is interesting. And finally for me, I'd love to thank From. And Dave, you recently looked up... Jess, you are quick. Poughkeepsie in New York. Or Poughkeepsie. Poughkeepsie in New York. Oh, so does it Poughkeepsie?

Yeah, which is a great name. Poughkeepsie, apologies. The United States. Garrett Oakley. So we've had two Poughkeepsies lately. Poughkeepsie. Yeah. Good on you, Garrett Oakley, who keeps his key taped to the back of a large novelty check

Because no one ever looks at the back side Yeah, you're right Everyone's like, whoa, look at those big letters And big numbers Whoa, it's a big check Check the back, there's a key there There's a key for treasure To a Maserati

Something else you won May I thank some people? Sure I would love to thank from Bedford in Great Britain. That came up today. Bedford Castle. Bedford, yes, that's true. Or Castle.

I would love to thank Lucas Sheard. Lucas Sheard. Better Sheard and not her. So Lucas, I reckon, keeps his key in, right in the lock. Can't lose it if it's already in the lock. Exactly. Never lose it. That's good.

That's actually incredibly smart. Yeah. And everybody should do that. And then send me your address. Never get locked out that way. Never get locked out. So thank you, Lucas. I would also love to thank from Tidworth, also in Great Britain, Danny Charlotte.

Danny Charlotte keeps the key at the back of a vending machine behind those apricot slice sort of biscuits. So you've got to buy a bunch. Who in their right mind would buy one of those? So no one's ever getting it. But to get it back, you need to buy like 10 apricots. Yeah, so it looks a bit suspicious, but no one's doing that. Every time you want to get into your house. I've just got a craving for an

apricot bicky! Yeah, I need 11. Oh, that would annoy me. Genius, Danny. That is genius work. That's very good, Danny. A little closer to home from Geelong West here in Victoria, I would love to thank Mahima and Tom. Mahima and Tom. Mahima and Tom.

Mahima and Tom are keeping their key in the amazing maze. James Sherry's there. Oh, great. The siren's about to go off. They're going down the slide. Super Nintendo is up for grabs. Oh, my goodness. What a great show from our childhoods.

I saved it for people from Geelong, just so there'd be some chance of knowing the reference. Know what it is. There you go. Thank you, Mahima and Tom. Those are radio clowns that go like this. You put balls in their mouths and you get keys. Yeah.

You got to time the order of the Donkey Kong's ride or something. Yeah. Very vague memories of that show. Great show, though. A lot of fun. I always wanted to do the maze. Yeah, it looked likes ride or something. Yeah. Very vague memories of that show. Great show. A lot of fun. I always wanted to do the maze. Yeah. It looked like a lot of fun.

Yeah. It looked amazing. Hey, I would like to thank... I just got it. I would like to thank, I believe from one of the Twin Cities, from St. Paul, Minnesota, Tyler Daughters. Tyler Daughters. Would you believe that moments before recording i checked our patreon

message bank and tyler message asking if uh the shout out was due anytime soon i'm like you know what tyler we are literally about to record isn't that wild that's amazing timing absolutely amazing and where's tyler they've waited a long time. Absolutely amazing. And where's Tyler? They've waited a long time for this shout out, but where's their key kept, Matt? Well, they're from St. Paul and Minnesota, Twin Cities. Minnesota, Minneapolis. Yeah, Minneapolis, St. Paul is the Twin Cities.

Tiger Wolves is one of the things I know about them. And I believe that Tyler's key is in the belly of the mascot. Oh, as in the person inside. The person inside. Oh, wow, they've swallowed the key. Yes. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

No, no, you can't get saved from that. Are they going to be okay, though? But then they're going to have to poop it. And then what do you do with it? Swallow it again? Yeah. Oh, they've got to swallow their poop. This is a horrible cycle.

Sorry, Dave. I think you misunderstood something there. They've got it in a little plastic baggie. They poop it out, put it in a fresh plastic baggie, swallow it again. Great. And the plastic bag tastes delicious. Yeah, it's really nice. It's like how they make flavoured condoms.

This is like a flavoured baggie. Yeah. We should just use a flavoured condom. Oh, yeah. But it's too late for that. We had to invent a flavoured baggie. Swallowing it, so. Ooh, lightning.

That's fun. That's fun, isn't it? That is fun. Can't wait for some thunder. It is storming up a storm, would you believe, outside. I would like to thank a couple more people. Whoop, there it is. Whoop, there it is.

I'd like to dedicate that thunder to, from Melbourne, they're probably hearing this right now, Jim Jam Flim Flam. You don't have for a boy or a girl. They look out the window and it's sunny and they're like, that's not thundering. Almost like we recorded this ahead of time. Jim Jam Flim Flam keeps the key in a jam flan. Oh.

Oh, okay. Baked in. Baked in. But what if people Help themselves Well the thing is Jim Jam is in the big house Okay So Jim Jam

A friend of Jim Jam Flim Flam Has baked it into a Jam Flam And delivered it To prison Yeah And that key

Is going to get Jim Jam Out of the big house And when they deliver it To Jim Jam Say thank you ma'am Yeah Jim Jam Thank you ma'am

Flim Flam Hey Jim Jam Appreciate, thank you, ma'am? Yeah. Jim Jam, thank you, man. Flim flam. Hey, Jim Jam. Appreciate your support. And finally, I would like to thank from a place that honestly I thought was used as a comedy name, Fort Bragg in California, Marshall Carr. Marshall Carr. Marshall Carr. Glove box.

I mean, it's brilliant. Because you can also lock the glove box These days Yeah exactly You know what I'm talking about Perfect Seen this Heard about this Where do you put that key

Yeah An even bigger glove box Yeah Whoa It's a series of glove boxes What is a car If not a glove box A bushka glove box

You know what I mean Exactly Finally the biggest keys Inside a monster truck's Glove box Yeah that's sick The whole car Is in another

Car's glove box That's fantastic. Oh, thank you very much to Marshall, Jim Jam, Tyler, Mahima and Tom, Danny, Lucas, Garrett, Millie and Beau. The last thing we need to do as the storm is really coming in. It's funny when you listen to a podcast and people are talking about the weather and it's not coming through on the mics at all. I feel like this is coming in.

This one has to be. This is wild. I'm really thankful that I bought batteries to back up this recorder because I reckon the power could go. The last thing we like to do is thank, or welcome a couple of people into our Triptych Club. These are people who've been signed up

to support us on the shout-out level or above for three straight years. And they're welcomed into the club. I'm standing on the door. I've got the guests that's ready. I'm going to read out your name. Once you go inside the club, Dave is on the stage hyping you up. Jess is hyping Dave up.

Jess, you've also got a cocktail normally ready? Yeah. It's Irish. Yes. It is Guinness. Yes. Oh, yeah. But it's got green food colouring in it, like St. Patrick's Day.

Love that. Green beer. Green beer. And then we've got Irish food. We've got some soda bread. We've got a beef stew. Soda bread's the bread you both liked. Oh, that was such nice.

That was such great bread. I was thinking about it recently. I have to remind you every time you go, what's that soda bread? That bread you had. You loved it. So, yeah, Irish delicacies today. Delicious. And they had, because we sat. So yeah, Irish delicacies today. Delicious. And they had, because we sat in Airbnb in Dublin and we arrived,

and they had the soda bread, but also a pot of jam and a pot of cream. Oh my goodness. Just beautiful. What a spot. That was such a lovely spot to be. Gorgeous. Gorgeous. And Dave, you normally booked a band?

Yes, and you're not going to believe it. Oh my God, Dave. Oh my goodness. Is it another crazy coincidence? I've been on fire. We've been talking about the Irish Crown Jewels. We've actually booked by accident the Crown Jewel in Irish music, Westlife. No, we haven't. Can you believe it?

Can you believe it? I asked Dave two years ago. I said, Dave, book me Westlife. And he suggested it's impossible. And here he's done it. Are they reunited? Is this Ronan Keating's band? Wow. No, this is Brian McFadden's band.

Brian McFadden. He became very popular in Australia for some reason. Because he was dating Delta Goodrum. Yeah. Of course. You're thinking of Boyzone. Common mistake. Often thinking of Boyzone.

Yeah. So we've got two inductees this week. Dave, you ready to give them a big old hype as we welcome them in? There's only two. Three. Three. I apologize. Three.

So excited. Okay. And that's a very good point, Jess. It would be weird to re-induct last week's inductees. ready uh i'd love to induct from let's say mackins beach in queensland australia it's dylan burns oh this guy's so hot he burns from swindon in great britain it's christian lincoln or swindon more like wind yeah because christian's here. Yeah, yeah. Woo! Finally from Glasgow in Scotland, it's Alec Mungle. Glasgow on in! Yes, Glasgow on in.

We love you, Alec. Do Glasgow on. Do Glasgow on! Jess is giving me a strong no there. Come on, mate. So welcome into the club, Alec, Christian and Dylan. Like I say, if you want to be involved in that, just sign up on the shout-out level or above and wait three years.

Yeah, we'll see you in three years' time. It's the hottest ticket in town. So that brings us to the end of the episode and the end of Do Go On for the year. Yeah. Anything we need to tell people? Well, big news. We will be returning in 2022.

James Bond, I mean, do go on. We'll return. I know you were a bit like, are they coming back? Yes, you can't get rid of us. We are very much in a habit now of doing this. A happy habit from my point of view. We will see you next week

because we do not take breaks. Only the weak do. Unless we do one day down the track, take like a break in which case it's there's nothing wrong with taking breaks after yourself taking a break out of power exactly right power break but yeah

as always you can find us on social media at do go on pod you can email us at do go on pod at gmail.com and you don't have to be a patreon or support us in any financial way to suggest a topic you can anybody can do that there's a link in in any financial way to suggest a topic. Anybody can do that. There's a link in the show notes and also on our website. So you can absolutely go do that.

Tell us a cool story you want to hear more about. That'd be awesome. Yeah, so really that brings us to the end of the year of episodes. Dave, boot this baby home. What an absolute pleasure it's been podcasting with you in 2021, and I hope to continue this tradition in 2022. But until then... Actually, Dave's contract has not been

written. Oh god it hurts. There will be a new Dave. The podcast is going to be pretty shit. Yeah I've gone from doing all the reports to none of the reports. Hey I promise you I'll be back. I will blackmail them into letting me come back but until then I will say thank you so much and

goodbye! Happy New Year! Bye! I will say thank you so much and goodbye. Happy New Year. Bye. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge Indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from Indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth.

Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future.