Two In The Think Tank - 325 - Joan Of Arc

Episode Date: January 12, 2022

This week we look at the life of the French Heroine, Joan of Arc. This French peasant came from no where to lead an army that flipped the script on The Hundred Years War.Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: dogoonpod.com or patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Check out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​ Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasREFERENCES AND FURTHER READINGhttps://www.britannica.com/biography/Saint-Joan-of-Arc/ https://www.livescience.com/38288-joan-of-arc.html https://www.worldhistory.org/Hundred_Years'_War/ https://www.history.com/topics/middle-ages/siege-of-orleans https://www.history.com/topics/middle-ages/saint-joan-of-arc#section_1 https://www.history.com/topics/middle-ages/hundred-years-war https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joan_of_Arc  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Just jumping in really quickly at the start of today's episode to tell you about some upcoming opportunities to see us live in the flesh. And you can see us live at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2024. We are doing three live podcasts on Sundays at 3.30 at Basement Comedy Club, April 7, 14 and 21. You can get tickets at dogo1pod.com. Matt, you're also doing some shows around the country. That's right. I'm doing shows with Saren Jayamana, who's been on the show before. We're going to be in Perth in January, Adelaide in February, Melbourne through the festival in April, and then Brisbane after that. I'm also doing Who Knew It's in Perth and Adelaide. Details for all that stuff at mattstuartcomedy.com.

We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is David Warnakey and as always I'm here with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart. Hello, Dave Warnakey.

Hello, Matt Stewart. Hi, Jess Perkins and hello to David Warnakey. Great to be here with a man who's known me for many years and still doesn't know my name. Sorry, can you just say it one more time? Warnakey. Warnakey. Thank you so much. So, David Warnakey.

David Warnakey. So good to be much. So, David Varnakay. David Varnakay. So good to be here with you, David Varnakay. Hey, now we're all here and friends and know each other's names. Yes. Jess Parkins. Can I please ask you to explain what this show is? It would be my absolute pleasure. What this show is, is it's a rockin' good time.

Hell yeah. That's the tagline. The three of us take it in turns reporting on a topic usually suggested by a listener. We go away. We research that topic. We bring it back. We tell you, the listener, all about it

and ask our co-hosts all about it. You listen politely, listeners, maybe laughing along. Co-hosts, really more of a interrupting, heckling kind of vibe. Yeah, yeah. We have some fun. We have some laughs. We learn some facts. We live, laugh, love. Borderline obnox vibe. Yeah, yeah. We have some fun, we have some laughs, we learn some facts, we live laugh love.

Borderline obnoxious. Yeah, borderline though, but like... But always on the right side of that line. Exactly, and it's kind of like the fun obnoxious rather than the... You know, it's sort of like... Usually. I mean, there was the Irish dancing episode, which people talk about still.

Yeah. I don't remember it being so brutal, but apparently people listen to it and they're weeping by the end because dave is being such a real mean man you've been a real mean man that was me i was gonna say the c word but i changed it to a real mean man and i think they're interchangeable yeah i think i still got the the the hatred in your voice a real clarence hunt honestly i'm more offended mean man mean man what do you mean by that i don't think you're a mean man i just haven't hatred in your voice. Yeah, a real Clarence Hunt. Honestly, I'm more offended. Mean man. Mean man. What do you mean by that? I don't think you're a mean man.

I just haven't listened back to it ever again. Sorry about that. I left the hatred on that episode. No, I love everything. Riverdance, I love it. Love it. It's fun. Musicals, I love them.

And I also love this topic. It is my turn to report on. We will start with a question. And my question to both of you is, you have no idea what this topic is, which saint is known as La Pucelle or the Maid of Orléans? This is good

because you're asking the two people who went to Catholic school. Yeah, definitely spent a lot of time focusing on saints. Who was your confirmation saint? Elizabeth. I went with Paul. Did you go with Paul because that's your dad's name? Yes, I did.

Elizabeth is my mum's middle name, and I already have mum's name as my middle name, so I wanted her entire name in my name. Oh, that's sick. That's funny. And my brother, Michael, chose Michael. Yes. So he wouldn't forget it. Michael, Michael.

Yeah, he's Michael John Michael. Chad Michael Michaels. Is that somebody? Is that your brother? My brother's Chad Michael Michaels. Pretty cool. Yeah, I think that's exactly... I'm like, oh, it felt like some sort of an homage to my dad.

Yeah. I don't even know. He's a classic Saint Paul. He's the one who was a sinner named Saul and then he got blinded on the road to Gethsemane. I have no idea. This is all right in the back of my brain. I might be saying some of that wrong.

And that was God blinding him. And that day he became Paul, changed his name because he was good now. Wow. Hey, thanks so much for blinding me. Really appreciate it. God works in mysterious ways. Never liked the name Saul. So, thank you for that.

Yeah, what did Elizabeth do? No idea. Now, is it Paul or Elizabeth? Oh, no, you haven't happened upon the name yet. So it's La Pucelle or the Maid of Orléans. Oh, the maid. So French? It's a French, come on.

It's a famous French maid. Or maid. Oh, Maid Marian. Yeah, no, not Maid Marian. Is it Joan Made. Oh, made Marian. Yeah, no. Not made Marian. Is it Joan of Arc? It is Joan of Arc. Yes! Congratulations.

I got one. You went from like hating me for not having any idea to suddenly, I know it. Well, I was like French. Who's French? The other one, the French, was the kid, I think we talked about it recently, the kids who saw maybe Mary, and then crowds would come to watch them looking at Mary appear to them, and then the water has become holy, and now people, you can go visit that city,

and they sell so much Jesus merch. It's exactly how I'm sure Jesus would have wanted it. As intended. There's like jugs in the shape of Jesus And you go fill up your Jesus jugs with the holy water And people go there to cure their cancer And I have a funny feeling it doesn't work Interesting

It's always been about the match That's lords or lords or something Are you allowed to bring that back into the country? Oh You know, what are the customs rules? Bring the water back Yeah, I suppose it depends on how many mills it is.

And couldn't you take that jug to 7-Eleven day and fill it up with as much Slurpee as you want? Is that what Jesus would have wanted? Add that to the holy water

and slurp it down. Yeah. That'll cure everything. That's the best tasting holy water you'll ever find. Oh, yeah. Well, it depends on what flavour you get.

If you like that flavour. Like frozen raspberry, yes, please. I take sacrilege. Yeah. Sacrileges. This topic has been voted on by the Patreon supporters. I put out four topics in this one.

All Saints? Not All Saints. Sorry, I was just naming my favourite band. I prefer Atomic Kitten. Kitten. No, I put out four different ladies from different centuries, all very famous for very different things. And Joan of Arc won in a bit of a landslide.

And it's been suggested by three people. So thank you to Sarabi from Ontario, Marissa from London, Toby Gall from London and Cade Frazier from Minneapolis. Amazing. I'm surprised it hasn't been suggested by more people. Me too, to be honest. And to be fair, I obviously know the name Joan of Arc. I think I know a few basics, but I don't know the whole story.

Matt, how are you feeling? I reckon I'd know more than that. Because of The Simpsons? Yeah, the Leonard Cohen song. He talks about fire, and I think that's involved probably late in her story. And I know she died pretty young young and she was in an army and she maybe led an army a lot of spoilers yeah i mean edit all that out you are ruining everything sorry but i mean i've left some gaps to fill i believe this woman from five or six hundred years ago is dead. Dave Selly, no more gaps.

We'll fill in the rest. I will attempt to do that. Oh my gosh, should we call Dave Selly? Selly's? I like that. Selly's. Is that a nickname? Selly's?

Selly's. You're pretty desperate for a nickname, so I'd be taking anything if I were you. You're filling in the gaps. Appreciate that. And you do do that. Every time we're like, Dave, what's that thing called? And you know, you fill in the gaps. Also, I'm very handy on the tools.

Yeah. You're a bit of a tool. Sorry, that's what I meant. Sorry, that is what I meant. You are very handy on the tools. If the tools is, I don't know, Google? Yeah. A dictionary?

Yeah, a dictionary. Calculator? I was going to say a knife and fork, but even then I can't operate it properly. No. Abacus? Spoon. He's all right with a spoon. Oh, great with a spoon.

Our little boy with his beans. Call him Spoon Man. What about spoons? One of my first ever nicknames was Spoonie, given to me by my bass guitar teacher because, God, this is embarrassing. Why did I bring it up? I wore a chain on my wallet at the time, 2003, and I was a bit of a punk rocker. In the sort of Avril Lavigne style? Exactly. Sorry, yes. Again, Matt with the corrections. on my wallet at the time, 2003, and I was a bit of a punk rocker. And on the chain...

In the sort of Avril Lavigne style. Exactly. Sorry, yes, again, Matt with the corrections, absolutely nailing it. And I had some padlocks on the chain. You're a real skater boy. And I also... You said, see you later, boy. I was not good enough for her.

There was an ache in there for some reason. I was not good enough for her. And I... So, padlocks on the chain. And I also had a set of measuring spoons. Why? Because one time I bought a tub of ice cream to sneak into Hoyt Cinema at Eastland

and for some reason I couldn't find anywhere that sold cutlery and we couldn't find spoons. So I bought just some measuring spoons. And then I put them on my chain and then my guitar teacher, Ben, said, I'm going to call you Spoonie. Spoonie sucks. Spoons would have been better, I reckon.

Spoons. Spoonie. Oh, Spoonie's all right. But also measuring – I mean, supermarkets have cutlery. Probably where you got the ice cream. But the beauty of measuring spoons, they come on a ring and they can link on the chain. Yeah, but they're like a weird shape. I've got the big one

and then my friends have an increasingly smaller amount of ice cream. Perfect. You kind of want somewhere in the middle. You maybe want like, I'm thinking, you want like quarter of a cup at most because they can be quite deep.

It's going to be annoying to eat out of. They look, well, they're more like an ice cream scoop. Yeah, but then you need another. You don't eat out of the ice cream scoop. You scoop it into a bowl or into a cone. Oh, and sticking with the theme of Christianity, apologies to Ben all those years ago

who was in a Christian band and gave me an album of his band if I promised that I would go and see the Mel Gibson movie, The Passion of the Christ, at the cinema. I took the CD and I did not see the movie. He was trying to bribe one of his students to go see The Passion of the Christ. Did he think Mel Gibson would convert you? I think that that was his hope.

Wow. Wow, that sounds like you had a close call. I got a free CD. Close Call with Christ, which would have been the name of your first Christian album. Yeah. Instead, I released the Weed Hornet EP. Anyway, okay, so Joan of Arc, to start this story,

we have to talk about the Hundred Years' War. How long did that go for? Well, that's my question for you. For between England and France, how long do you think it actually went for? It's either way more or way less. I'm going to say 64 years 69 years

I'm going to say 95 Five I wanted to say four You reckon that they had a 69 year war And they didn't call it the 69 year war They called it the war for two England and France coming together at last It was 116 years.

Oh, come on. Which, honestly, Jess, I thought that you would like that because they've taken that number and rounded it down to 100. Yeah, I don't. But I think Jess, I don't want to speak for Jess, but I will speak for Jess. I think she would have preferred if they just stopped the war. Yeah, that would have been better.

For, I think, everyone, not just me. I don't think there's many people that were involved in that war that were like, oh, we've been going for 100 years, but I'm not ready to finish, you know? I'm bad at goodbyes. Yeah. And it should be known that historians have since taken that number and rounded it down to 100.

At the time, they weren't referring it. Imagine starting it being like, we're starting the 100 years war. Yeah. I know that historians have since taken that number and rounded it down to 100. At the time, they weren't referring it. Imagine starting it being like, we're starting the 100 years war. Or you get to 99 and you're like, you know what, let's go just round it up. Let's do it. That would be me as a leader going,

I know things are wrapping up, but if we could just hold on, then we do 100, then we have a party. And then you go one day over, you're like, all right, we've got to go another 10 years. I'm so 100. Then we have a party. And then you go one day over. You're like, all right, we've got to go another 10 years. Let's do this. I'm so sorry. Sorry, everyone.

If we had a 99-year war, I'd call it the Barbara Feton? Felden. Felden War. She played 99. Anyway. Agent 99. Dave. Bit of a get smart joke there. I really felt like we got right into the episode this week

and then have just faffed for 10 minutes. We introduced what this show is at the 30 second mark. Whoa. And we're now 11 minutes in. Fuck, sorry. Taking place between 1357 and 1453, the Hundred Year War was a series of conflicts fought between England and France involving several disputes,

a big one of which was the question of the legitimate succession to the French crown. Multiple people claiming that, hey, I'm the king. Was Louis one of them? No Louis in this story. What? No Louis. No Louis.

No. Wow. Okay, Dave. Sorry, everyone. I don't know any other French names. Any Napoleons? Not yet, no. I don't know any other French names. Any Napoleons? Not yet, no. What?

What? Remind me of these years again. 1357 to 1453. It is a long time ago, isn't it? It is a long time ago, yes. Do you think they had mix masters back then? Yep. They also had Mix Master Mike from the Beastie Boys.

He was, yeah. He's an old soul. He's an old man uh there was a series of truces but overall it lasted for five generations of kings from the two sides who were fighting for the throne of the largest kingdom in western europe and it was a bit of conflict with both sides hating each other's guts and the conflict permanently changed warfare in europe because it went for so long it is hardise, but it all began principally because King Edward III

of England and King Philip VI of France escalated a dispute that became a battle for the French crown. When King Charles IV of France died in 1328, the nearest male relative was his nephew, King Edward III

of England. Oh, that's good. I thought it was going to be Ralph of Wisconsin. No, that's a couple of years later. Okay. But the French nobility preferred Charles' cousin, Philip, and they were both like, I'm the king. But the English king is already king? Yeah, king of England.

So give it to someone else. You've got England. Give him a go. Give someone else a go. Oh, I've got to be king of both, are you? Yeah, king of England. So give it to someone else. You've got England. Give him a go. Give someone else a go. Oh, I've got to be king of both, are you? How fucking rude. Does that mean that they would have brought the two kingdoms together? Yes.

Wow. And that's basically what the English are pushing for for this 100 years. They both wanted the top job and it kicked off all the fighting. And after several decades of relative peace, the English resumed the war in 1415. So I've skipped over a lot, but that's the start of why it kicked off. Then there's a few other disputes, but then we got a bit of peace. But then the English resumed the war in 1415

amid the failure of negotiations with the French. By this time, they were led, this is England, by King Henry V, who himself was a great warrior and led his army at a very famous battle, the Battle of Agincourt. Ah, yes. Very famous battle. Yeah, I love that one. Very.

Be my top three battles, I reckon. Yeah, yep, yep, yep. Well, I wonder if the other two are coming up, because it took place in northern France on the 25th of October, 1415, which is St. Crispin Day. Ah, Crispin Day. Ah, St. Crispin Day. Tis replied Aunt Helga. The same day on which other famous battles have taken place, including the Charge of the Light Brigade in the Crimean War in 1854, which I...

Great song. Will definitely do a report on one day. Is it? Is that a song? Or a great battle. Great charge. Oh, great charge. definitely do a report on one day. Is it? Is that a song? Or a great battle. Great charge. Oh, great charge. There's a famous poem.

Great poem. Great poem. I believe it's a bit of Tennyson. Great poet. Great poet. Great poet. Also taking place on that day is the Battle of Lake, the Battle of Lake Gulf in 1944.

Oh, I've got to make your tea off time. Considered to be the largest naval battle of World War II. Possibly the largest naval battle ever. Wow. So all three of these things took place on the same day, which is pretty cool. Same day. Well, all on St. Crispin Day. St. Crispin Day.

Celebrating Crispin Glover's performance in Back to the Future 1. Great work. I prefer to celebrate his work in Charlie's Angels. Also great work. In which he hated the dialogue so much because it sucked that he said, I'm actually just going to play this character quiet. This character is not going to speak. Love it. And he doesn't.

Wow. That's a beautiful choice. That is a not going to speak. Love it. And he doesn't. Wow. That's a beautiful choice. That is a weak director. Okay. Yeah, sure. No worries. Alright. Yeah, let's not worry about it. Shakespeare also immortalised the war. This is Argent Core. In the St Crispin's Day speech in his play,

Henry V, where the title character pumps up his men who are vastly outnumbered the night before the battle. And the title character is? Henry V. where the title character pumps up his men who are vastly outnumbered the night before the battle. And the title character is? Henry V. Oh, okay. Also known as Henry V. Henry V.

V for victory. It's the one. Oh, spoilers. Well, it's such a great speech. Just a couple of the lines here. He says, so they're outnumbered. He says, the fewer men, the greater share of honour. Oh.

That's badass. That's badass. That is badass. I like that. And if it is a sin to covet honour, then I am the most offending soul alive. Oh. Okay. I'm proud of it, which is another sin. Yeah, exactly.

And we few, we happy few, we band of brothers. And that's where the phrase band of brothers comes from. Ah. Which went on to be a Dire Straits album. Is it? Is that a thing? It's a movie? It's a movie.

An HBO series. An HBO series. Brothers in Arms is the Dire Straits album. But also in this speech he says, we three sultans of swing. Honestly, very influential. Well, dire straits joke. Did not know I had that in me. Anyway, so it's just a cool speech.

Anyway, in the play, in the play, Henry V pumps them up. Whether he did that or not, we're not sure. But he did win the Battle of Argentor, which resulted in

an unexpected English victory against the much larger French army and boosted English morale and prestige and resulted in a crippling of France and started a new period

of English dominance in the war. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Well done, Band of Brothers. Henry V then conquered Normandy in 1417 to 1418

and then attempted to have himself crowned as the future king of france by the treaty of troy definitely saying that wrong which was an agreement that stated that henry would become king of france when the current king charles the sixth died okay and then charles the sixth is like easy i just never die yeah i'll live forever which honestly uh he's known as the mad king because of his serious mental illness and psychotic episodes that plagued him so he probably believed that easy peasy it's a funny deal to make those like they just fought us for control of stuff why would we trust yeah that's right now when i die you can have it

yeah why would you trust that and he did henry then married king charles's daughter katherine de valois he was like all right i'll marry your daughter and then in like five to ten years when you've all right fine i'll marry your daughter i'll be king she'll be queen and and i'll be king of both places that was the plan so it was agreed that henry would inherit the throne and he probably would have and it probably would have possibly ended i say probably, possibly, ended the entire Hundred Years' War if something major didn't happen. Okay. He died. Oh, that's major.

Yeah, I'd call that relatively major. In his life. In his life, yeah. That's right, yeah. For somebody else that day, they were having a great day. You know, someone on the other side of the planet, it was the best day of their life. You know, isn't that crazy?

Yes. Right now, we're sitting in my living room It's a nice day But somewhere Someone Is having the worst day of their life Someone's sitting in the living room Having a shit one

Yeah Having a terrible time Probably no blue skies for them Sitting there with their two enemies Unlike us Two friends We're sitting with Right here

What if I told you that I was the one sitting in the living room With two enemies That's not possible Dave You're here with us Dave What told you that I was the one sitting in the living room with two enemies? That's not possible, Dave. You're here with us. Dave, what have you got against the pot plants? Yeah, I've really tried to incorporate some greenery. You hate these monsteras?

Yeah, all right. Great work. Yes, thank you. Great work. I thought you were talking gibberish. I got that from a comic book, a comic. You follow on instagram i forget what it's called but it's about like it's all about heads heads thoughts and stuff okay and they had like dressing up your pot plants for halloween and i said like frankenstein's

monster ah that's good yeah and now i'm like, oh, that's what those things are. That is a pun. That's a pun. Oh my God, we finally got there. Finally. Finally a practical example in your life. So, Henry V died suddenly of dysentery before he could become king of France. Dysentery's not a good way to go.

Oh, no. You're shitting yourself. Shitting yourself to death in a trench. And his heir was his son, Henry VI, who was crowned King of England at just nine months of age. What? A nine-month-old king, and we don't have a cartoon series about that?

Baby King. Are you kidding me? We have Boss Baby, but not King Baby? The original Boss Baby. That's fun, and, you know, a lot of pressure. I imagine, yeah, are they taking orders from the baby? Yeah, they are. Because isn't the idea that it's a divine thing?

It's coming from God? Yes. So they'd be like, oh, we've got to do what this baby says. And the baby wants nom-noms. Baby needs tummy time. That's what I guess. Everyone, tummy time. Tummy time for all.

While still a child, several others ruled for him as a regency council. So he had like a team of advisors, a lot of relatives. They were the ones giving him skin-on-skin contact. Very important in those early days. That's right. That's actually when he was a teenager, they were still doing it. That's where the saying, you rule, comes from. Because it's what he said to them.

So you guys rule. And then that sort of caught on. That's the power of a king. Yeah. It's gone out of fashion now, but big in the 90s. It peaked in the 90s, but it started in the 1400s.

That's right. It took 500 years to peak. It was a slow curve up. Yeah. Now a rapid dip down. Yeah. Really dark. You hardly ever hear anyone say that things rule.

Yeah. Let's bring it back. Bring it back. I'm bringing it back. Yeah. Dave, that rules. Thank you. Jackson Bailey from Sands Pants Radio

Is still a big User of that rules That rules He's been I feel like Jackson Can pull that off Yeah only Jackson But I reckon maybe

Strength in numbers We can I'll try But you know No promises Not quite that level of cool You know what You trying

Would rule Oh I hated that. And that rules. I love that one. Okay. Wow. The graph's going up and down.

That's progress. So he's a baby king. Other people are ruling for him, making his decisions. He properly inherited the crown at the age of 16 in 1437. Still young, hey. Still young, hi. Hi. And would it surprise you that he was a terrible king?

That does surprise me. I think I would have been an excellent ruler at 16. I was making good choices. I've got to tell you, I'm loving this report on Joan of Arc. Yeah. Mate, this is all context. That's what I mean. I love context.

I think context rules. He was a terrible king. Unlike his father, who was confident and a great fighter, Henry VI was an absolute useless wuss. A real wussy boy. Dave, are you sort of starting to relate a bit more? That's why I'm bringing this character up. Bring wusses back.

That's what I'm trying to bring back. Let wusses rule. But importantly, he was also crowned King of France. But this was, of course, disputed by his mother's brother, Uncle Charles VI. Uncle Charles. Who said that he... Unky Chunky. Unky Chunky said, I should be king. Unky Chunky.

He couldn't say Chucky. He couldn't. He was a baby. He was a baby king. Baby king. At 16, he still couldn't speak properly. Un say Chucky. He couldn't. He was a baby. He was a baby king. Baby king. At 16, he still couldn't speak properly. Chunky, chunky. So he's crowned king of France.

He's like, all right, I'm king of France. And then Charles is like, no, I'm the other king's son. I'm king of France. So it was back on in the Hundred Years' War. Wait, but they're both on the same side. Oh, right. So the France guy. The French guy wants to be in charge of France.

The French uncle comes in and goes, no, I'm in charge. Yeah, because his dad said, oh, when I die, the English can have it. But now the guy he said, Henry V, who could have it, died. So Charles' son is like, no. I imagine France would not have loved their king going,

yeah, we'll stay French as long as I'm alive. And then whatever. Yeah, then after, who cares French as long as I'm alive. And then whatever. Yeah, then after, who cares? Who cares? I'm dead. Yeah. And France is like, well, a lot of us will still be alive. Don't care. I'm dead. I'm dead.

And I'm going to heaven because I'm king. So it's back on for the Hundred Years' War because now they're both claiming that they are king again. And for a while after the Battle of Agincourt, the tide went the way of the English. It's almost like the French needed a secret weapon. Oh, okay. Bazooka?

Yes. Is this when atomic bombs were invented? Yes, it is. No. Enter one of the most famous names in all of human history, Joan of Arc. Okay. I mean, you say that we know what the topic is, so we were expecting Joan to be mentioned at some point.

Here she is. How does the name work? Is the surname Ark, middle name of, or is surname of Ark, or first name Joan of? It's actually very difficult to say because they didn't use surnames as commonly as they do now. So there's debate about, because she's not from Ark. Right.

They're like, is her surname Ark? So there's actually quite a She's not from Arc. Right. They're like, is that her surname is Arc? So there's actually quite a bit of debate over that historically. Okay. When was it first used as a name, Joan of Arc? Joan of Arc. For a long time, she's been known as Joan de Arc, but she just called herself La Pucelle or The Maid. That was her name for herself.

So where'd Joan come from? Well, that is her birth name though Yeah Born around 1412 So she was like you Trying to start a nickname She was like Hey what's up

I'm the maid And they're like Alright Joan The maid's a pretty good nickname Alright Joan And you're like Hey it's me Cobra

And everyone's like Whatever Dave Whatever Spoons Alright Joan Can I call you Joan? So she's born around... Yes, you absolutely can call me Joan. Love that.

Better than Spoons. Spoonie. Oi, Spoonie. Born around 1412, Joan d'Arc, or in English, Joan of Arc, was the daughter of a tenant farmer with an incredible name, Jacques d'Arc. Oh, that is good.

Jacques d'Arc. So her dad was of Arc Yeah So maybe that's why she got the of Arc Yeah but then there's also debate about that Jacques d'Arc Whether he's from of Arc or not Whether he's a Jacques or a Jacob or

Jacques My favourite version Jacques d'Arc Jacques d'Arc It's very good They lived in the village of Domremy In north eastern France And owned a 50 acre farm Domremy in northeastern France and owned a 50-acre farm.

Domremy, far, so, la, ti, do. Farm. What note was that? Farm. That's me going, I'll go high, then going, no, go low, and then my voice being like, nah, you'll go low. I fucked you there right because you're meant to do that so far thing up and down maybe and i just kept going up and then you

no that's how it goes it's all i mean it's a scale is it's right well i'm you know i'm self-taught with music stuff so And then you either go Also Reading my report I've written They lived in Northeastern France And owned a 50 acre arm That's a big arm That's fucking huge mate

That's huge You should get that checked What 50 My god And what a weird measurement For an arm. It's a 50-acre arm. Okay.

Farm. That's ridiculous. Joan never learned to read or write, but her mother, Isabelle Remy, was extremely pious and instilled in her daughter a deep love for the Catholic Church and its teachings. These beliefs would drive her entire life. Okay.

Henry VI, the baby king, took the throne in 1422 at nine months when Joan... The potty, Dave. Yeah. Babies don't use thrones. Straight to the potty. It's solid gold, though. We're doing, like, training.

Don't we do that? Throne training. Sorry, we're just... We're throne training at the moment, so it might be an accident or two. We're getting him to shit into a crown. But he's doing all right. He's doing pretty well. He's doing pretty well.

I can read him. I know when he needs to shit. Apparently when he was a baby, like, his teachers and advisors had to get a special law written by the Regency Council to say that they wouldn't get in trouble later for telling him off because they were worried that like later like i'm telling this eight-year-old i'm his teacher i've got to teach him how to be a king or basically all basic school stuff but i've also got to be able to punish him yeah i'm worried that later on he'll come back and

cut my head off for this so there's a special special thing saying, oh, no, no, you can tell the king off. Wow. Because he's a child. He's a baby king. He's a baby. I mean, yeah, that's amazing. They were that afraid they had to change the laws. Then they're probably not going hard on him anyway.

No, yeah, three plus three, 17. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, close enough. Well done. You are the smartest boy alive. Set fire to my cloak. That's fine. I love this game. In fact, it's not okay. that's great. Close enough. Well done. You are the smartest boy alive. Sit fire to my cloak. That's fine. I love this game.

In fact, it's not okay. It's wonderful. I actually, yeah, I was hoping it would get ashy. Thank you, my lord. Thank you. Thank you, but may I have another? So, the baby king took the throne at nine months old in 1422, and that was when Joan was around 10.

So, I've gone back in time just a little bit. Yep. During this time, England occupied much of northern France, and many in Joan's village were forced to abandon their homes under threat of invasion. Oh. The English were allied with the Duke of Burgundy, or Duchy of Burgundy, and they had control of the north of France. Henry's armies were in alliance with those of Philip the Good, who's the Duke of Burgundy and they had control of the north of France. Henry's armies were in alliance

with those of Philip the Good who's the Duke of Burgundy. You're going to have to trust this guy. His father was John the Fearless. Oh!

Pretty cool. John the Fearless is fantastic. Yeah, love that. John the Fearless had been assassinated in 1419 by... He needed a bit more fear.

Well, he was taken out by people associated with Charles VII. So, that's why they hate... That's why they're like, we're on the side of the English even though we're closer to France

because you killed my dad. Right. That's interesting. Yeah. So, I wonder what kind of ongoing effect the English occupation

has on current France because I know the French and the other way when the Normans came over to England, it changed a lot of their language. The English language changed a lot.

I wonder if there was some sort of effect in reverse. Probably not something you've looked into, but... Well, I imagine the effect would be much more if the war didn't turn out a certain way, which we'll find out about. Sizzle. Most of Jones Village, however, favoured... So, there's the English are an ally with the Burgundians.

Yep. Most of Joan's village, however, favoured the Armagnac faction and Charles VII, who claimed to be the king, and they ruled the south. So there's sort of a divide in France at this time. Joan and her village was right in the middle of the conflict zone. She later said her village was, quote, a place where children literally fought children some of them coming back wounded and

bloodied it's not ideal is it so yeah it's a pretty tumultuous place to be the main problem for the guy she favors favors favors charles the seventh was despite claiming to be king for five years, by 1427, he still hadn't been crowned. This is because in Rome, or Reims, as English people say, the traditional place for the investiture of French kings was well within the territory held by his enemies. So as long as he remained unconsecrated, the rightfulness of the claim to be king of france was open to challenge so but he couldn't be crowned king because the place where you get crowned is in enemy territory and there's someone else who's the king right the baby well he's claiming he's claiming to be king as well yeah yeah so and the baby has been crowned i mean the baby crowned early on you know hopefully very after not too long of a a uh what do you call it oh i

don't know when someone gives birth labor labor crownings when the head pokes out that would have been better if i could have got to the labor word don't worry i'll fix it in post thank you yeah so henry the sixth he has declared himself king in his way, but the French way... Cuckoo, cuckoo. But the French way, we've got to go to this special place to be consecrated, but we can't get there. Right.

And so everyone else is like, well, mate, you haven't even been to the place where you'd be crowned king, so I guess you're not even king. Yeah, that would... I mean, that's true. It's like, oh, yeah, I'm also king. I just haven't made it also king i just haven't made it there yet we're all king yeah yeah and they're like because you got to go there so um because it's like a holy place where god basically declares you king and they're like well mate you can't even get here to be declared king so i don't think you've got god

on your side yeah that's exactly wouldn't that be like, oh yeah, God? Yeah, God's with you. Yeah, he's just for some reason working in mysterious ways again, is he? All right, mate. Yeah, and that really leaves you open to like a lot of challenge. Yeah. People really only say God works in mysterious ways when bad things happen, don't they? Like nobody wins a billion dollars and goes, bloody hell, God works in mysterious ways, does he? They say, yeah, I guess you could say, well, God looked after me today.

It's only when someone dies too young and people say, well, he works in mysterious ways. Yeah. It's like it's a comforting yourself kind of thing. I think, yeah, I think we should start saying it for everything. Yeah. Most of the mysteries, I think. God works in mysterious ways. Yeah. Wonder why that could be. Maybe because think. God works in mysterious ways. Yeah.

Wonder why that could be. Maybe because you haven't eaten for a while. Nah. No. It's a mystery. Mystery. We'll never know. At the age of 13, the extremely religious Joan of Arc started to hear voices.

The first time she was in her garden and later described it as, the voice came from the right, from the direction of the church, and was accompanied by a bright light. Oh, this is just like Paul, who was Saul. Heard the voice? Yeah, he heard the voice and got the light in his eyes. You'd hear that, and you'd be like, oh no, I'm about to go blind. Yeah.

Yeah, because this isn't a post-Saul world. Yeah. This isn't a post-Saul. Paul. After Paul. This is ages after Saul's time, I think. Saul was early days. Yeah. This is a PSW.

Pro-Saul world. Yeah. Sometimes the ringing of church bells seem to encourage the visions to speak or voices to speak through visions to Joan. Okay. The first voice she heard was that of St. Michael. And soon she began to hear from St. Catherine and St. Margaret as well. Wow.

And did they introduce themselves to her? Hey. Hey, Michael here. You know, like they do when after a footy game and the commentators back in the commentary box are interviewing the footballer. Like, hey, Gerard Waitley, waitley um great game is it like that only yeah totally michael here um love what you're doing in the garden maybe it's more like when you have a dream and you are somebody else or there's like a face you don't know but you know that's your mom in your dream maybe it's like that

yeah that makes sense i know that st michael well if st michael's contacting you you'll't know but you know that's your mum in your dream maybe it's like that yeah that makes sense i know that's saint michael well if saint michael's contacting you you'll just know imagine if saint catherine and saint margaret had very similar voices and you're like sorry which one's speaking now i can't tell sorry but from what you heard joan determined they'd been sent by god to give her an extremely important mission okay that is joan's purpose on earth was to save France by expelling its enemies, i.e. the English and the Burgundians, and then install Charles VII as the rightful king of France. Wow. She took a vow of chastity at that moment and apparently avoided a marriage her father attempted to arrange when she was 16.

Yeah, well, that makes sense. If you're told by St. Michael, etc. to not get married, I think that overrules dad. Sorry, dad. Sorry, dad. I'm sorry, are you St. Dad? Yeah, last time I checked, you're not St. Dad. You're not St. Dad. You're not St. Anything.

I will not go to my room because St. Michael didn't tell me to. You are irrelevant. Oh, hang on. St. Michael's telling me to go to my room because St. Michael didn't tell me to. You are irrelevant. Oh, hang on. St. Michael's telling me to go to my room. Sorry, Michael. Sorry, Michael. Off I go right now.

According to Live Science or Live Science, never sure which way to say that one. Modern day medical doctors... Genuinely? Surely it's Live Science.

But these people are so obsessed with science. Maybe they live science. Oh, my God. I've never considered that What's live about it? Oh my god Maybe it's live science

It's like in excesses Live baby live or live baby live They sing live baby live But the live album is called live baby live, right? That's confusing Or is it live baby live still? I don't know It should be live Baby Live Live.

That would clear it up. Live Live Baby Live. Can it be Live Baby Live? It could be. Or Live Baby Live? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. My brain hurts.

Anyway, according to Live Life Science, modern day medical doctors have speculated that Joan may have suffered from a medical condition such as schizophrenia or a form of epilepsy, which made her hear voices. But people always try and speculate and diagnose historical figures centuries after their deaths. I choose to believe.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, if she didn't back it up, then maybe. But it feels like everything that they tell her is right, isn't it? Well, let's find out. In 1428, at the age of 16, one of Joan's visions told her to leave her village and go deep into France to meet the Dauphin, which is the title given to Charles VII. It's kind of like heir to the throne.

It's given to the king's oldest son. Did you say the dolphin? The Dauphin. Oh, Dauphin. But it's very similar to... What does that mean? It's very similar to dolphin. In fact, when you... Very intelligent animals. Beautiful animals, very

intelligent. Heirs, yeah, they are very intelligent. They also have sex for fun. It's just them and humans. And when you translate dolphin... And others as well. I think they're finding more and more all the time. When you translate dolphin into French, it is dauphin.

Can you believe that? And dauphine, the feminine. So it does mean dolphin. Yes, but then it also means this title. Yeah, okay. But I'm not sure if that's related. That's a linguistics question. Holy shit.

I know French and I didn't even realise it. Isn't that amazing? You heard dauphin and thought dolphin. Yeah. because of questions. Holy shit. I know French and I didn't even realize it. Isn't that amazing? You heard dauphin and thought dolphin. Yeah. Isn't that wild? That is pretty wild. Actually, Sir Michael said, yeah, I know French.

So that's sick. That's awesome. Thank you. Imagine if you were speaking English to her this whole time. She's like, hang on, hang on. Got to go get Google Translate. Yeah, I have no idea what you're talking about. Why are you speaking English to her this whole time. She's like, hang on, hang on. Gotta go get Google Translate. Yeah, I have no idea what you're talking about. Why are you speaking English, Michael? You are from

not England. Yeah, that's right. So, um... I know my saints. Not England, that's for sure. Yeah. I'm ruling out England. I'll rule out Australia. Yeah. New Zealand. Nah. Put a line through that. Yep. I reckon Michael's probably from somewhere. He was one of the apostles, that Michael?

Michael was an apostle. Was he? I think so. I mean, there's probably more than one St. Michael there. But I'm guessing he's from the Jerusalem region. Yeah. And they spoke very little English back then. Very little English.

Back in the year zero. Yeah. To 33. Yeah. Whatever part of that period it was. I thought I was talking to the religious slash French expert here. Well, I did do religious education all the way to year 10. All the way to year 10?

There was a time, I've told this story before, there was once in primary school, the teacher said, everyone put a name in this hat. We need more priests. So everyone put a name in this hat of someone you think could be a good priest and we'll all pray that these people become priests.

And it was people in your lives or people in the class? I think it was just people in our lives. So, and I, and I was, and there was sort of, there was a bit of a,

there was some, they were, it did feel like they were saying, put your names in there. And so I put my name in there and prayed that I'd become a priest. But I mean, it feels like the kind of thing you don't need to pray. You just, I'm in control of that. You can absolutely decide on that. But that day, I think I wanted. What a strange recruitment choice.

Yeah. Well, it's similar to making, giving people a CD and making them watch a movie. Yeah, true. Can I ask what your job is now? Priest. Well, that would be good. Holy shit, I never connected the two. Yeah, you did that.

Yeah. You prayed that. Holy shit is right. And you can say that. We can't say that. Sorry, sorry. I was quoting you. Yeah, otherwise it's sacrilege. So in 1428, the age of 16, Joan's vision told her to leave her village,

go to France, deep into the country to meet the Dauphin. Dolphin. Meet the Dolphin. She'd been practising for ages. Man, a thousand noises strikes again. Rub his blowhole and see what happens. Anyway, led by the voices of her saints joan traveled on may or in may 1428 from her village to the nearest stronghold where the

military still loyal to the dauphin was stationed she asked the captain of the garrison robert de baudricor for permission to join the dauphin he laughed off the 16 year old's claims of visions and her divine purpose and joan went back home very sad he just laughed it off yeah she's like i need to talk to the king i've been sent by god i've had visions and he's like okay all right kid that would be brutal go back home how old is she at this point she's 16 yeah okay but joan had a higher purpose in life and wasn't going to take no for an answer and she went back to the garrison in january 1429 because i mean if if you're getting if saint michael and others yeah margaret included yeah are coming to you you don't just go well this guy laughed at

me i'll give up you go well this is my divine yeah right or my like this is this is my divine right. This is what I'm meant to do. You can't really go back to those saints and be like, it didn't go well. It didn't pan out. So thank you. I did try. But bye. So are you guys often wrong?

Yeah. Because it seems you might be wrong here. Could you stop talking to me now? Could you? No, I tried. You can't do that. No. You go, saints, I've let you down, but I'll go again.

You'd assume they'd say something like, hey, we saw that coming. That's all part of it. It's part of it. Yeah. Gotta work in mysterious ways. Yep. Yes. For some reason, part of the plan is you get laughed at.

Yeah. But that makes you stronger. I mean, knowing that means you probably aren't going to be made stronger. Anyway, whatever. So, just go again. Or, you know, Dave, you take it from here. But, yeah, that's basically it. And she went again in genuine to quote from Britannica here,

which, Matt, I'm sure you've read this article. Well, this is a bit one-sided. I want to hear from French Attica. Let the record show Jess has given me a thumbs up. And I'm backing up. It doesn't look patronising, though. No, it wasn't patronising has given me a thumbs up. And I'm backing up. It doesn't look patronising though. No, it wasn't patronising. That was a good one.

It's a quote from Britannica, with apologies. But I've actually got a French website coming up. Fantastic. Fantastique. How did you read that? You do know French. I know a little. La little.

Oh, no, a little. La little. Oh, de little? It's a quote from Britannica. This time her quiet firmness and piety gained her the respect of the people and the captain, persuaded that she was neither a witch nor feeble-minded, allowed her to go to the Dauphin at Chinon. That's the only two things women could be. Feeble-minded. Yeah.

No, I don't think so. Or a witch. Which one are you? Feeble-minded. Okay. Come on, mate. Whatever. Me a witch.

That's what a witch would say. Damn it. Got ourselves a witch. All right. Chuck her into the water. Let's see if she floats. Joan was able to attract a small band of followers

who believed her claims to be the virgin who, according to a popular prophecy, was destined to save France. So they're already like, alright, this kid could be the real deal. Oh, that's fantastic.

So it had been foretold. Yeah, apparently in that part of the world they were waiting for this and they were like, I think this could be her. So she was allowed to go. It's at this point that Joan famously cropped her hair and began to dress in what was traditionally men's clothing.

Accompanied by six armed men, she travelled for 11 days on horseback, often through enemy territory. How big were the arms? About 50 acres. Wow. Really big. Honestly, I'll say it again. Get that checked. That's massive.

You can't live like that. Yeah, that's swelling there. Yeah. It's not a tremor. Might be a cyst. Not a tremor. We'll put a leech on that. Yeah.

We'll get that sorted for you. Really nice. What size arm are you hoping for? We'll either save your life or you will die tomorrow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Choice is yours. Better than having a 50-acre arm. What are these men's clothes

she's wearing? Sort of like cut-off cargo shorts? Yeah. Kaki? Boots. Boots are like a... A Cobra. A bingtang singlet?

Bingtang singlet. This is what I think men wear traditionally. One of the male ones. You can get women's size bingtang singlets. She's wearing an Oakleys or Folkleys. A wraparound. A wrapar Oakleys or Folkleys. Wrap around. Wrap around.

Speak up, Sonny. This is what men means to me, apparently. This is what my brain goes to when I think, men. Okay, men. Now, what do men... What's a man? I'm looking across at Dave. You can look at yourself. I look down at myself.

You're both wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Men. Now. What do men wear? What do men wear? What do men wear? Button up shirts. Yes. Hold a briefcase.

A tie. Yeah. What's this sort of thing? Dress shoes. Some mix of these two. Was it businessman or was it weekend men? Yeah. Was it barley man?

It was barley man. Barley man. Bintangs and boardies. Yeah. What a superhero that would be. And knock off Haviana flip flops. Oh, she was flipping and flopping all over that horse. Terrible horse riding shoes.

Oh, yeah. Not good. It was clipping and clopping. She was flipping and flopping. I saw a woman the other day on a bike with one of those little trailers on the back that had two kids in it. Two? So, she's on a bike, two kids in a little trailer in the back, and she's wearing flip-flops.

She's wearing thongs. Wow. On a bike. That's good work. Towing some kids. That's badass. I was like, yeah. Towing with the toes out.

That's absolutely wild. I was like, you are my hero, but also I hate you. Those toes go on the spokes. You're losing a toe. Yeah. What are you doing? Happened to a friend of a friend of mine. No. Yeah. No. Yeah. Lost a toe. Lost a toe on the spokes, you're losing a toe. Yeah. What are you doing? Happened to a friend of a friend of mine. No.

Yeah. No. Yeah. Lost a toe in the spokes. Lost a toe in the spokes. I got double. Have you ever been double unplugged? I got double.

I was walking up a wet hill. He's talking about wearing thongs. Double unplugged. Yes, I'm with you now. Yep. And. For some reason, wet hill got me there. Both.

Wet hill and thongs. No. Yeah, no. It was already silly. And both came out at once and I face planted. That's impressive, actually. Yeah, you get one. But you know how sometimes you can't get them back in?

Could you get them back in? Could you recline? Good, but they're weakened. It's like dislocating a shoulder. Yeah. After you do it once, it's going to go again. Yeah. Ironically, did you dislocate your shoulder?

Yes. You weakened everything that day. Double unplugged. Yeah, it never happened to go again. Yeah. Ironically, did you dislocate your shoulder? Yes. You weakened everything that day. Double unplugged. Yeah. It never happened to me before. I'm like, I'd fallen. I'm like, that's embarrassing. But what a beautiful moment.

Yeah. Double unplugged. I've only been unplugged once and it was recent. Right. And only one, sadly. But yeah, I was like, it finally happened. Finally, I was so excited couldn't fix it

had to buy new ones that is annoying actually full blowout yeah and a blowout double blowout double blowout this doesn't need explanation

flip flops thongs yeah I've used flip flops fairly interchangeably there so people and they've got the little jandals jandals yeah

because yeah I know Americans in the past have been confused, I think, when we're talking about G-strings. I've also had a double blowout on a G-string. That's hard to do. Anyway, so accompanied by six Iron Men, she travelled for 11 days on horseback through enemy territory, travelling over 300 miles in total. They only moved at night, avoided towns, and at times went through the wilderness. But finally, they reached the castle at Xinyon.

This was a time when a woman wearing men's clothing or vice versa was considered to be a big sin. Many have speculated why Jane would cut her hair and wore what was traditionally men's clothing, because, like I said, it's a very famous part in their story. Imagine that being a sin, like clothing that you wear. Yeah. What do you think this benevolent God is about? Yeah.

You think they're worried about clothes? You have to wear clothes that match your genitals. It's super odd. It's so weird, isn't it? I've heard people speculate why. A couple of reasons. One is it might have been easier to ride a horse dressed in those clothing. Oh, God's worried about that.

But it's fairly recent where women have been acceptably able to wear trousers, like pants of any kind. Not in my house. If you ever rock up in pants to my house, Jess. Matt does make me wear a little petticoat every time. And a big skirt. You'll have to put on the house skirt. So keep by the door.

Help myself to one of the house skirts. But those pants are off, young lady. You know what I mean? Like, it's fairly recent. So, this is 500 years ago or whatever. Like, it is pretty wild that she's wearing men's clothing. I have heard many speculations. Some people say she might have done it for the horse,

maybe just to blend in because she was going through a treacherous journey. Also, possibly to avoid being assaulted by men that they come across. Also the men that she's traveling with. Yep. I've heard a few. Oh, great. Yeah. So I'm not assaulted by the enemies or the people I'm with.

Seriously. Awful. Oh, my God. What do the church bells mean to her? She can hear from St. Michael. I'm not sure if the mics are picking up, but there is a church bell ringing very close to us right now. It's St. Anthony.

What's he saying? Saying, please do go on. That's what I'm hearing. Yeah, please do go on. You're getting that please do go on? Please do go on.

Stop faffing about and get on with it? Something like that? I don't know if that's what you're getting. Yeah. It's in French, but I understand it. Sanna, I'm loving this report.

Could you two stop interrupting? It's annoying. I love all of you. I feel nothing but love. And wear whatever you like. Yeah. Also, St. Michael's a hack. Yeah, he did add that.

All right, mate. Yeah. There's rivalries amongst the saints. Oh, he's're saying please call me tony yeah on your tony anthony was my father i'm saying tony okay so she got to the castle and her mission was to see the king and convince him of her missions we will never know what happened at chignon is one of the it is one of the abiding mysteries of history writes marina warner professor of university of essex in her book joan of arc the image of female heroism

but there is a common story told a few different ways but it goes a little something like this the dauphin charles was initially uncertain whether to receive her when she first arrived his counselors gave him conflicting advice but two days later he granted her an audience some people were like don't see her she's the devil and other people were like the prophecy is being foretold so eventually he's like all right send her in but as a test to see if she was the real deal charles hid himself amongst his courtiers and a different man was presented to her as king This feels like a Shakespeare script. Pretty cool.

Being like, no, you're an imposter. They're like, no, that's the king. She said, this is the king. And they said, no, this is just a normal man. And then she bowed at his feet and he was like okay i am the king oh that's great i think queen amidala pulled a thing like that in one of the star wars prequels as well wow yeah i ripped off joan of arc that's sick that's i mean and it's not like now you'd be like yeah well i've seen him on the telly. Obviously, that's not him.

That's him. But back then, she probably would have only ever seen paintings at most. Yeah. And maybe not even. No, to be honest, probably not even. No. Yeah. You wouldn't know.

So for her to know that is pretty, I mean, that's another sign that she's legit. She's sent. And to them, that would have proved it. But Charles was still uncertain. Okay, not quite. On the Dauphin's order, she was interrogated by ecclesiastical authorities and examined to prove that she was still a virgin, which is horrific. She was then taken to Poitiers for three weeks, where she was further questioned by eminent theologians to verify

her morality so like gave her a bunch of questions to prove that she was the real deal what what any what kind of question you think about what would you question me to check my morality oh dave what would you what would you What kind of questions would you ask Are you the devil No Okay Any follow ups Are you evil

Nah Are you good Yeah How good Real good Real good Okay Do you want to kill the king with me right now

Yep Nah Got her Take her away Also take me away Because I said I'd kill the king. I got distracted looking up because I was pretty sure it was Keira Knightley who played. Keira Knightley and Natalie Portman. They looked so similar at the time.

Yeah, it's a pretty good double. Actually, yeah. God damn. Really similar. It looked really similar. Yeah, right. I didn't realize. I didn't realize that was pre-Kira Knightley fame.

So that's where I went. I was like, I'm pretty sure it's Kira Knightley, but I don't want to say it's Kira Knightley. Because you were looking at me while I asked the question and I thought you were listening. Nah. I was not listening. So Jess, what you've mainly missed is they interrogated her to prove she's the real deal.

She said, she answered their question, but she said she would give proof of her claims of divinity, not with them now, but in Orléans, a city in north central France, that for months had been under siege by English forces. The consensus at the time was that if Orléans fell to the English all of France would fall very important strategic city so it was really really important in the scheme of the decades long war and at this point the English had been winning for months it looked like they were going to take the city

again from Britannica in their report the churchmen suggested this is the people that have been interviewing her that in view of the desperate situation of Ollion which had been under siege by England for months, the Dauphin would be well advised to make use of her. Okay, basically, shit is so bad,

we may as well roll the dice on this teenage kid. Honestly, let's give her a go. Give her a go. She seems all right. She seems all right. We don't really have any other plans. She could identify the king. Yeah.

That's impressive. Pretty good. She said she wasn She could identify the king. Yeah. That's impressive. Pretty good. She said she wasn't bad when I asked. Yeah. I don't think the devil would be able to lie. No. I think the devil's like a cop. They got to tell you if you ask them.

Yeah, if you ask. You undercover cop? You undercover devil? Fuck. You got to say. They've got to say. You got to say it. If they say it later, it's like massive dick move.

It was really annoying when that happened for this cop who uh was undercover in the mafia for seven years and then they never thought to us i never thought and then uh the don finally went you cop and he had to say yeah sorry what i can't don was looking through his paperwork and he was like oh we've actually not got a form saying you're not a cop yeah you know i asked on day one i'm really embarrassed so yeah i'm so sorry let's just get this out of the way obviously formality we've known each other for years like you are uh i'm the godfather and you're the godfather to my grandchild so this is very nice uh so are you a cop oh no well sorry what the rules are i have to answer this yeah it's a bad day for everyone. You're going to kill me though, aren't you? Damn it. All right, you got me.

Don Vito, I am a cop. I am a cop. I got so close to the end. Oh God, we've got to kill him. Take him out. I'm so disappointed. Anyway, it's been fun. Been fun playing Mafia with you.

All right. All right. Mafia pop. So she said, I want to go to Orleans. And then she asked for an army And the Dauphin gave it to her She was also given a military How big was the army?

50 acres She was given a military household Of several men And a squire So your dad John Would be happy to I forgot you were very much aware Of dad calling everybody squire

I think he's not good with names Yeah squire I forgot you were very much aware of Dad calling everybody Squire. I think he's not good with names. Yeah, Squire. You know what Squire is? A young nobleman acting as an attendant to a knight before becoming a knight himself. Oh, I didn't know that. It's not a bad thing. Kind of a junior knight.

Yeah, right. So next time, John, if you're listening, if you call me Knight, that would be very nice. Sir. Sir Dave. No, Dave, you're still Master. Yes, I am. So you are a squire I'm definitely a squire A young squire

Matt is a sir Sir Dave a lot You are a lot Of Dave You're a bit much Sir Dave a bit much Sir Dave a little less Would be great

Sir Dave got you about A nine or a ten Could we get you down to about a four? Yeah. So Joan had her standard, which is a little image that she takes with her, painted with an image of Christ in judgment and a banner made bearing the name of Jesus. She was asked if she would like a sword

and she declared that it would be found in the church of St. Catherine de Fabois and Britannica records that one was in fact discovered there. Pretty cool. They said, do you want a sword? She goes, check that church. That's where you'll find my sword. And they're like, ah, we've actually got one, yeah. That's pretty cool.

Pretty cool. And churches would normally just have a sword handy. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. It's sort of like saying, did you want a Bible? Oh, well, go have a sword handy. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. It's sort of like saying, did you want a Bible? Oh, well, go have a look in that church over there.

I think you'll find one. A Bible, yeah? Mine's in that motel's top drawer on the bedside table. Bedside table. Either side. There's also a couple of bickies. Yeah.

It once belonged to the Gideons. Several hundred men were mustered and they set out for Olyon which had been besieged for six months and was almost

totally surrounded by a ring of English strongholds. One story from Live Live Science recounts that she wasn't in charge of the force

but rather it was led by Count Dunois who initially ignored Joan's advice. She wanted to attack, but he was keen to sneak his force around the English. Oh, ring around the ringer. Sort of play it cool for a while, see what's going on.

Joan succeeded in making a believer out of the Count when he found his force stranded beside a riverbank, unable to bring supplies to Ollion across barge because the wind was against them. She also said, is this your card? And he said, oh my god, it is. Is this your bard? Is that a pun?

That's a pun. Yes. She told the count, I am bringing you better help than ever you got from any soldier or any city. It is the help of the King of Heaven. That's great. I always find it interesting when God will take sides in country v. country battles. Actually, that's a good point. He's got a problem with the English at this point, obviously.

Yeah, well, obviously there's only one rightful king. Yeah, okay. He's only chosen one. That's true. You've got to choose a side. And he's chosen, in her mind, Charles VII. So she said, I'm bringing you help of the king of heaven. The count later claimed that at that moment,

the wind changed direction, allowing his force and supplies to cross into Orléans. Right. It's just another story. And then from then on, he was like, all right all right she's legit i'll listen to this woman i'm saying he for god because the most recent representation of god i've seen was in uh the film bedazzled yes and in that it was god was played by man if i just recently seen dogma yeah i'd be saying she because alanis morris you always go through the most recent movie yeah that's right well god works in. Yeah, that's right. And I appreciate that. Well, God works in mysterious ways.

That's right. However, he or she... God is omnipresent. ...shows themselves to me. Yeah. Like, why would... If it was a he, why would he let you watch Dogma? If it was a she, why would she let you watch Bedazzled?

Exactly. That's a question. I don't have an answer. That's a question. Just a question. Thank you for identifying me with that. That was a question. There's probably some theists, theologists out there who could answer that.

Love to hear from some fellow theologians. Theologians. Great word, isn't it? Yeah. If a real one. Is that the one I said? What's a theist? That's nothing.

Yeah, someone who believes in one God, isn't it? Right. See, this is why you are Sally's No More Gaps. Yep. No more gaps in my knowledge. It's a person who believes in the existence of a God or gods, specifically a creator who intervenes in the universe. That's the dictionary.

So not Nick Cave because he doesn't believe in an interventionist God. That's how he starts one of his songs. But I know that you do. Yes. Is he talking to me? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm a theist then.

History.com makes the note that although she, this is Joan, would be later remembered as a fearless warrior and there was no doubt that she was absolutely fearless, which we'll absolutely talk about. Joan never actually fought in a battle or killed an opponent. So you say there's no doubt she was absolutely fearless. How did she come across a cockroach? About a little creepy crawly.

Oh my God. Big spider. There was a cockroach? About a little creepy crawly. Oh my God. Big spider. There was a cockroach in our office yesterday. Did you evacuate the building? I was surprised at how cool and calm and collected I was. You're lying. Yeah, I only broke one window. I only leapt from a third story building.

Oh my God. Usually I... Usually I really overreact. But that was completely fine. That was actually very cool. See? Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge Indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from Indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth.

Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. So, Janie's fearless. Okay. But she never fought in a battle or killed an opponent. Instead, she would accompany her men as a sort of inspirational mascot, brandishing her banner in place of a weapon. So, they gave her a sword, but she's not out there stabbing men in the face.

So, she's just a flag bearer. Yeah, she's like a... Is that the whole time? I pictured her just like going around swinging the sword, chopping heads and stuff. She's got her banner going, come on, come on. And it worked because everywhere she went, Joan was an immediate morale boost. Whoa, much like our own little Joan over there. Thank you.

Stop trying to make Joan happen. So she was just a mascot, kind of. Yeah, but saying, I'm sent here by God to encourage you. Okay. Yeah. Well, I mean, that makes some sense. If you're believing that God's sending her, that would be a real morale boost.

You're like, I will win this fight. Exactly. I've got God on our side. Yeah. But she's not like a Stallone or like Van Damme, like breaking people's necks and like throwing grenades. That's my Stallone. Is that good?

That's pretty good Stallone. Now let's hear your Van Damme. I can't do Van Damme. I've not seen enough Van Damme to be able to do a good Van Damme. He always plays his own twin. Ah, yes. Always. Yeah, that's good.

I think there's at least three movies where he is playing the dual role. Fuck, that's good. I think there's at least three movies where he is playing the dual role. Fuck, that's good. Which is fantastic. The only Van Damme story I know is he was in Melbourne promoting something and it was at an event where Steve Quartermain, the sports commentator, was at as well. And Van Damme was trying to chat up Steve Quartermain's wife and Quartermain went over to him

and maybe knocked him out or something. No. Really? Steve Quartermain. Steve Quartermain. Is that true? Something like that. He knocked out Van Damme.

I might be out. Maybe I'm adding a little bit extra there, but it's something like that. That's amazing. Yeah. Also, like, what a weird way to behave. Someone's talking to your wife. Don't knock him out.

Just go over and say hello. I may be retelling the story badly. Maybe he was, either Van Damme was like going beyond just talking or Quartermain didn't knock him out or, yeah, Quartermain really overreacted to two people having a conversation or maybe you like you play a little

rougher than usual because it's Van Damme and then it turns out oh no I've knocked him out you have to you have to play a big game because it's Van Damme

so so Quartermain comes in with a spinning roundhouse yeah I know the only language Van Damme speaks

well apart from you know English and a few other languages, is action. That's a great story. So, Joan, she's a morale boost. Everywhere she goes. On the evening of May 4th, when Joan was resting, she suddenly sprang up, apparently inspired, and announced that she must go and attack the English. Arming herself, which is basically grabbing her sign, she hurried to an English fort east of the city

where she discovered an engagement was already taking place. Ah, that's nice. That's an engagement party. Congratulations. Now die. In fact, the Armagnac soldiers which were on her side were retreating when she got there. Her sudden appearance caused the soldiers to give out a cheer and engage in another assault and they took the fortress. So they were giving up.

But then Joan came and I think that they were like, all right, either we're ashamed or God's on our side. Let's go back in there. Wow. She really inspires them. Yeah. Seriously. How cool. aside let's go back in there wow she really inspires them yeah seriously how cool on the morning of may 6 she crossed to the south bank of the river and advanced towards another fort

the english immediately evacuated in order to defend a stronger position nearby but joan and her french commander leher attacked them and took it by storm oh wow joan like gazey when he was the flag bearer at the Olympics. Yeah, very motivating. Just like Australia had one of its best ever Olympics.

Yeah. Because they just saw Gacy inspirational with the flag. Had nothing to do with it being a Sydney Olympics. Yeah, home Olympics.

Thorpey was actually thinking of retreating from the pool but then Gacy came out from the changing room with the flag and he jumped in and like broke the world record

Gacy took it too seriously if I can be honest he would not give back that flag and he did turn up at most events to motivate the

Australians but I mean the results you cannot argue with speak for themselves exactly right he played

all his games holding a flag it was quite a feat one handed yeah and he was holding it in his right hand. So he's playing left-handed the whole time. And still made a couple of layups.

Incredible. Pretty good. Yeah, couple. Bit of an understatement there, mate. How many layups have you ever made in your life, mate? A couple, literally. Joan inspired the locals and the troops. And with French confidence growing, the soldiers attacked one besieged fort after another so she just the ball just started rolling because joan was there that's

amazing on may 7 joan was injured by an arrow between the neck and shoulder while holding her banner in a trench but she kept on fighting regardless and from her example the commanders kept fighting what felt like a losing battle eventually Eventually, the English folded and the next day they were seen to be retreating. However, because it was a Sunday, a day of rest, Joan refused to allow them to be pursued. So she said, let them go. It's Sunday. We don't fight on Sunday.

That's right. I'm having a sleep in. I'm having a sleep in. I'm going to have a little mass and then we'll have a roast. We'll watch Insiders. Okay, everyone, snuggle up. She was interested in Australian politics back then. She also watched Offsiders.

And then Offsiders following on. Barry Cassidy was still the host of Insiders at the time. Oh, yeah. God, this was a while ago. Yeah, it was a while back. In her book, Joan of Arc, A Spiritual Biography, Siobhan Nash Marshall, what a great name, points out that the morale boost Joan gave cannot be underestimated.

This is a quote. French morale was so low before Joan appeared that they even lost the battles in which they outnumbered the Anglo-Burgundians on a massive scale. Wow. More often than not, they simply preferred to stay off the battlefield. She really kicked their butts. In their French way, they went, oh, we don't want to fight.

But I am retired. Exactly. But Joan gets in there and they're like, hang on, we can fight even when we're outnumbered. Yeah. The sudden and unexpected victory at Ollion opened up a number of strategic possibilities. And many Armagnac leaders pushed to invade Burgundy basically strike whilst the iron is hot. But Joan advocated that the Armagnac forces should advance without delay towards Reims, Oran,

so the Dauphin could be crowned. Because remember, he's got to go to this holy place. To do so, first Joan had to clear the English out of other towns along the Loire River. She did, capturing three bridges on the river. In Jardu, the English retreated to hide in the town's walls, and Joan wrote them a letter asking them to surrender. But they refused.

So by the end of the day, the town was taken, and the English were utterly defeated. She wrote them a letter. Yeah. Strongly worded? Yeah, she actually wrote a lot of trash-talking letters saying, God's on my side, surrender on our side, you're heretics, surrender now, and you'll be forgiven.

But otherwise, you've got the wrath of God coming. She wrote heaps of letters, trash-talking, saying... Whoa! The G-Man is with me. Yeah, you dumbasses. Dumbasses, come on. Again from Britannica, the French and English armies came face to face at Patay

on June 18th, 1429. Joan promised success to the French, saying that Charles would win a greater victory that day than in any he'd won so far. The victory was indeed complete. The English army was routed, and with it, finally, its reputation for invincibility. Wow.

So, like, it's in a couple of weeks or a couple of months like the war has fully flipped wow and it's and like no coincidence it's been exactly as soon as she came on board yeah and everything she said so far has come true wow amazing but some people were still doubting her at this point for sure they. They always are. But she's been pretty on the money so far. The armies marched across enemy territory and they encountered surprisingly little resistance, actually gaining the support of several towns held by the enemy on the way. Wow.

So really that was like a rolling ball, like just gathering speed. And the ultimate goal and prediction came true when the Royal Army got to the city of Ream, which opened its gates to the Dauphin. That is despite supposedly being under control of their enemies, the Anglo-Burgundians. So they just opened the gate and said,

come on in. Wow. Charles VII was consecrated as King of France on July 17, 1429 with Joan of Arc standing with her banner not far from the altar. After the ceremony, she knelt before Charles, calling him her king for the first time.

Joan of Arc's bold prediction had come true. She did it. That's amazing. I don't know if I'm... It feels like I'd always believed... I'm picturing her with the sword chopping off heads. Yeah. I feel a little bit like.

You're disappointed. Yeah, somehow it's like, ah, she's just sort of, she was around with them. She wasn't as violent as I'd hoped. No, isn't that weird? But it's like, yeah, I'm with you. She was with a banner. I don't know. It's still cool, but.

You've watched too many action movies. Yeah. I would have liked to have seen her Van Damming it a bit more. Or Steve Kortenmaning it a bit more. I was going to say, what, hitting on other people's wives? I should double check that story before the episode's over. Well, I googled it and the only... Yeah, it's like a...

It's a story that goes around. It hasn't been... I couldn't find genuine reports. Britannic hasn't got a page on it. So her prediction had come true. Charles VII, crowned king. She'd been there for him, but he wouldn't always be there for her.

Oh my God. Momentum was surely on the side of the French king by this point. There was mounting pressure on him to march to Paris, which even then was the capital of France, and reclaim it. Joan and other commanders pushed for this, but the king hesitated and instead he actually agreed to a 15-day truce

with his enemies, which turned out to be a mere ruse to give them time to fortify Paris. So they were like, oh no, let's have a truce. Really, it was just to give them time to get to Paris, make it way more difficult to take, and then they're like, oh, no, let's have a truce. We're all good. Really, it was just to give them time to get to Paris, make it way more difficult to take. And then they're like, actually, fight's back on.

Sorry. Oh, did I say truce? I meant fuck yous. Sorry, did you mishear me? Because I was yelling fuck yous. I was yelling fuck yous. So that's on you if you missed that. Oh, sorry, guys. Over to Owen Jaras for Live Life Science, who writes,

When the attack on Paris finally happened, the king was hesitant to commit the bulk of his forces to it, and it ultimately failed. Furthermore, it happened on September the 8th, which is the birth of the Virgin Mary, something that hurt Joan's image is no fighting is supposed to take place on this holy day. Right.

So, you know. Virgin Mary wasn't born that day. It was like the anniversary of the celebration, right? Yeah, probably. I'm not 100% sure. She's Jesus' mum. So, she's been around. I mean, yeah.

Oh, anniversary. Sorry, I know what you mean. Yes. It's like a... But she was born into the world. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, I assume so. Sorry, I thought you were saying that her birth was also divine.

No, I don't think so. But I think if I'm remembering right, she went up to heaven without dying, I think. I think she's the only person who ever did that. Really? According, you know, according to the beliefs. So, Joseph... The ascension?

Am I saying that right? So Joseph's wife... We've got a few Christian listeners and they're probably absolutely screaming at their iPods right now. Because I don't know that part of the story. So Joseph's wife is suddenly pregnant and then suddenly just goes to heaven. He's left going,

what the hell is going on? For fuck's sake, Mary. What the hell? You left me to raise the son of God on my own? You were honestly so cool when we were dating. This is after, I think this is after Jesus dies. Oh, okay. So this is, you know, I think Jesus is left home by this point,

as in gone to heaven. Left home. Moved out. The earth. Got a job. Oh, sorry. Did he ever get a job? Carpenter.

Carpenter. Carpenter. Fisherman. Fisherman. Alcohol a job? Carpenter. Carpenter. Carpenter. Fisherman. Fisherman. Alcohol distiller. Delivery man. His methods were a little unusual. Jane wanted to push on, but her hopes were set back

when King Charles actually called a truce with the Burgundians, their enemies, who were the allies of the English. And this lasted until Christmas of that year. From this point on, despite what she had achieved for him, the king would never again back Joan of Arc's efforts. You son of a bish. By this point, he seemed more determined to be more diplomatic with his enemies and consolidate what he had so far achieved.

She's like, let's crush him. And he's like, let's make a truce. I'm king, which is what I wanted. I'm all good. So he was like, I'll form truces now. And she's like, no, we shouldn't. Right. God's saying.

Yeah, no, we've got. Surely you'd stick with her. Well, yeah, he backed her until it was convenient for him to get what he wanted. Get what he wanted. Feels like he's playing Beat the Bomb, but he's going out early. That ticking clock hasn't got... Or Beat the Bomb or the bong game. This was referenced on the

Who Wants to Be a Millionaire episode. Where on the radio game, where they'd say, $10. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. $20. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. $13 $100

You've been crowned king And was it like Money Mountain? Yeah, Money... No, Money Mountain was the early version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Anyway I don't know why I've taken this there I apologise

Let's relive some other recent reports the early version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Anyway, I don't know why I've taken this there. I apologise. Let's relive some other recent reports. At one point, King Charles even disbanded his army. He's like, we're good now. Yeah, right.

And it turns out even when you're sent by God and everyone reveres you, if you don't have the king on your side, it's pretty impossible to raise armies for major attacks.

That's what Joan found. In 1430, Joan heard that John of Luxembourg, the captain of the Burgundian company, who's their enemies, had laid a siege to the city of Compignan, and Joan and a few hundred soldiers rushed to defend it. But the Anglo-Burgundian forces were far larger than her own, because she's got no official army backing now. She tried to aim the town's defenders by launching hit and run guerrilla attacks but joan and her soldiers were

eventually forced to retreat but she was thrown from her horse and was left outside the town's gates as they closed what the burgundians under john the duke of luxembourg took her captive and from here joan was imprisoned by the Burgundians at Beauvoir Castle. So she's riding into town on a horse, gets thrown from the horse, and they just close the gates. Yeah. And nobody thinks, oh, Joan's just outside the gates there. Joan's outside, but it's as the enemy is basically getting there.

Everyone's retreating. It's absolute chaos. And unfortunately, yeah, the's closed and she's got nowhere to run. So she's taken captive. Yeah. Whoa. And a website I found, Matt, you'll be pleased with this. I'm guessing it's French. I think it's pronounced, and

apologies for all the French mispronunciations. I looked up a lot. I did Google this one. I think it's wikipedia.org. Yeah, that sounds quite French. I assume it's a French website. A lot of information on this French person. Oh, awesome. In Englishorg. Yeah, that sounds quite French. I assume it's a French website. A lot of information on this French person. Oh, awesome. In English, though.

Oh, that's so convenient. So it translated it for you. Yeah, and they write, Joan made several escape attempts on one occasion jumping from her 70-foot or 21-meter tower, landing on the soft earth of a dry moat, after which she was moved to another Burgundy impound. I would still be breaking every bone in my body.

Yeah, apparently she was uninjured. What? Can you believe that? 21 metres. Oh, well, I feel like, you know, God's on her side. Yeah. God cushioned that fall. Yeah, I think that too is amazing.

But it's... Yeah. What was... I mean, was the fall softened by any sort of cushions? Yeah. The cushion of God. Oh. Landed in God's cushion factory.

The softest cushion factory of all. And you're thinking, she's captured. Surely, Charles VII, the king, the man whom she'd basically made king, surely he'll do whatever he can to rescue her. Don't tell me what I'm thinking. But I was thinking that. Well, by this time he was working towards a truce with the Duke of Burgundy

and he made no attempts to save her. He sounds like a real dog. Yeah. Like a low dog, real French dog. French bulldog. No lower dog than that. There's a dog on the throne. Dashands would be lower. Yeah.

To the ground. There's a Daxie on the throne. John, the Duke of Luxembourg, who'd captured her, he was initially reluctant to hand her over to the English, but he was eventually paid a small fortune and went, all right, that's my price. They gave him $10. Stop.

Let's hear it play out. $20. $10 million. Damn it. Oh, damn it. Hey, that's still $10 you didn't have at the start of the day, you know? I came here with nothing. It's 10 extra bucks.

You always hear people say that before they lose a lot of money. I came here with nothing. But you've got money now You always hear people say that before they lose a lot of money. I came here with nothing. But you've got money now. If you leave now without money, $10. Yeah. Oh, no, I couldn't possibly walk away from this, Eddie, with $32,000. That would be so embarrassing for me. I came here with nothing.

I'll leave here with nothing. Dave, did you apply for Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? No, there was a call out, though. I really thought you were going to do it Dave please You should do it Dave For all of us If I fail on the first question

It'll be highly embarrassing Yeah We won't tell anyone if you fail No Well who would you take As your person in the audience Genuinely It doesn't have to be one of us

Would you want to come Sure It would be more fun if one of you came For me We'd probably do a Tossing of the coin Would you want to come? Sure. It would be more fun if one of you came for me. Well, we'd probably do a tossing of the coin. Or you'd want, I'll go in because you want Jess on the phone a friend. Oh, yeah, because I can type fast. They don't let you do that anymore.

Can you believe? They don't do it? There's no phone a friend. No, I think there's one lifeline, which is like you can switch out a question. Right. I think you only get that if you're the fastest finger first, maybe. I don't know. Oh, you've got fast fingers too, Dave. like you can switch out a question right i think you only get that if you're the fastest finger first maybe i don't know oh you got fast fingers too dave but you can't game is made for you you can't uh find a friend and the person in the crowd they don't have to

answer anything eddie would say uh good day uh dave great to have you here and you're here with your business partner matt business partner that's how you see me. Yeah. Well, I mean, do you want him to say you're here with your podcast co-host? No. That's what I was thinking, my podcast co-host. No. What about friend? What? Sorry, we're not making up terms here.

Matt, no one's going to believe that. No one's going to look at you two and say, oh, they're clearly friends. Obvious friends. We say, oh, they're clearly friends. Obvious friends. We say, oh, Dave, you're here with your grandpa. That's nice of you to bring in your grandpa on his last days. Here with your grandfather, Matt. Close to death. If you introduced, if I wrote on the form, you're my grandpa,

do you reckon a producer would take you aside and say, sorry, are you really his grandpa? Yeah, I had Dave's father at a very young age. I have a great skincare routine. Yeah. I'd love to share it with you. I just dress young. This would be so funny.

I dye my beard. But under here it is Wrinkle City. Yeah, don't look at my back. It's all pinned back. He's just got a bunch of little clips, bulldog clips all the way back. French bulldog clips. And we're back. And we're back in France.

So, she's been handed over to the English. Yeah, so good. She's caused a lot of trouble for them. Yeah, they'd hate her. Oh, yeah. Because, I mean, she's also proof that God's not on their side. Yeah, so they are hell-bent on proving that she wasn't acting on the behalf of God

and that she's, in fact, a heretic and that God's on their side. Right. So they put her on trial, which was funded by the English crown and was only ever going to go one way. Yeah. In the words of British...

I'm sorry, could you give us the phone number for god if you guys are so close didn't think so proved it proved it put him on put him on put him on so what it sounds like is i mean if god could prove it right in this court case but it sounds like like the king did now god's kind of leaving her hanging out to dry. This whole time she's thinking, God's going to come in and save me. Yeah, why wouldn't... But I guess even if God did some sort of miracle, the English would be like, no, that was just... Wind.

Yeah, that was special effects. Yeah. It's actually got really advanced these days. You've got people with puppets. That's a deep fake. Yeah, that's Jim Henson. That's not God, even though he's really good. I mean, he's great.

He's the God of puppeting, sure, but we're talking more like Big Guy in the Sky. The God of Gods. Like the God. Can't believe I have to say that. Yeah, God. Sorry, were you talking about Jim Henson this whole time? Yeah, Jim Henson was telling me where this sword would be.

He saw it there the other day. In the words of British medievalist, which is a great title, Beverly Boyd. Beverly Boyd! The trial was meant by the English crown to, quote, be a ploy to get rid of a bizarre prisoner of war with maximum embarrassment to their enemies. That's all

they want. Illegal proceedings kicked off in January 1431. Her two judges were Cauchon, Bishop of Beauvoir, and Jean Lemaître, the Vice Inquisitor of France. She was interrogated nearly a dozen times. They considered torture to get her to confess, but decided against it because she was so steadfast in her beliefs,

they thought it would be pointless. Okay. So where do you go when you start with torture they're like uh we've ruled out torture yeah exactly like wait so if you're okay we're gonna torture no it's not gonna work what's what's above that yeah we'll skip that and just call her guilty yeah no they actually tried uh to outsmart her they tried to because she's very she's got great answers for why she acts on behalf of God. It'd be so good if it ends up...

They're like, I see you really are with God. We probably should not have you captured anymore then. Is there any chance you could be on our side? Yeah. Because if God's on your side, then you're on our side, then God's on our side now.

That'd be awesome. We'd love that. If you could put in a good word. Wouldn't you be... I've done some bad shit. Wouldn't you be scared that this person who... Yeah. It seems there's been a lot of really good evidence that God is on her side.

Why would you be awful to her? Because then God's going to punish you. But then maybe you're the devil. They don't want to... No one wants to believe that they're the evil ones. Wait, are we the evil ones? No. We couldn't be. No, I'm so nice.

No, we've said our king's got God on his side. My whole life I've been told that I'm on the right side and they're on the wrong side. Yeah, that can't be right. Judge Cauchon forbade her to leave her prison to go to mass, but Joan insisted she was morally free to attempt escape. So she several times tried to escape. Guards were then assigned to remain always inside her cell

and she was chained to a wooden block and sometimes put in irons. So she had pretty bad conditions. To properly describe her charges i will quote from britannica which does have a great article on joan will of course link to in the show notes but they write when the trial proper began a day or so later it took two days for joan to answer the 70 charges that had been drawn up against her these were based mainly on the contention that her behavior showed blasphemous presumption in particular that she claimed for her pronouncements the authority of divine revelation

prophesied the future endorsed her letters with the name of jesus and mary remember she's always writing letters thereby identifying herself with the novel and suspect cult of the name of jesus but perhaps the most serious charge was of preferring what she believed to be in the direct command of God to those of the church. Basically, they're saying, you can't say that you're talking to God. You're not. Yeah. That's a lie.

So that's one of the charges. Wow. The judges tried to catch her out in the trial. And yet, despite the fact that she was an illiterate peasant, they thought they could easily outmaneuver her. But she was able to evade the theological pitfalls the tribunal had set up to entrap her. Look over there.

God, she's good. She's very good. An example of which is published on that French website, wikipedia.org. They're right. The transcript of the trials are still around, which is amazing. There's still first sources on this. That's amazing.

Amazing. There's a lot of info on Joan of Arc, which is one of the reasons that she's – because she's super famous, but that also adds to her fame because there's a lot of resources on it. Yeah, wow. The transcript's most famous exchange is an exercise in subtlety. Asked if she knew she was in God's grace, she answered, If I am not, may God put me there, and if I am, may God so keep me.

I should be the saddest creature in the world if I knew I were not in his grace. So this question is a scholarly trap. Church doctrine held that no one could be certain of being in God's grace. So if she answered yes then she would be charged with heresy because you're not allowed to say that if she answered no then she would have confessed her own guilt because she knows that she hasn't been acting on behalf okay so she says if i am not may god put me there if i am may god so keep so she doesn't say she didn't say yes or no yes she's good wow yes or no. Yes, Joe. Damn it. Damn it.

She's good. Wow. So she's really good at sort of outmaneuvering their manoeuvres. And they've got teams of scholarly people and religious leaders all trying to catch her out because they need to prove that she's a heretic. Do they think that she's just doing that instinctively or she is outsmarting them back? Or God's telling her that i guess i

guess and she's just so religious that she knows the right the right answer because she's so religious like what she just couldn't even be any more religious than she she's super religious and what i mean by that is like she i guess it is instinctively knows because in her heart she's never acted never done anything wrong right she's always been acting acting on what she believes is the is the right way and what god would want her to uh the trial continued and because she handled herself so well the 70 charges had to be reduced to 12 wow that's a big drop because they're like all right uh we can't get her on all these things because she's really smart uh we'll just reduce it to 12 and then her own tax evasion uh speeding in a in a school zone

Honestly one of the biggest things Because she couldn't really deny it Was that she'd been Dressing in men's clothing Yeah that's right I mean she was wearing khaki at the time Yeah that was one of the They got her on that

It is a bit like tax evasion Or that stuff Not because you said You were acting on behalf of God But because we've got proof That you're in men's clothing And that is a sin. And she can't really get out of that one.

That's baffling. Wild. Joan fell sick in prison and was attended to by two doctors. She received a visit on April 18 from Cor Sean and his assistants who exhorted her to submit to the church. They keep saying, just say that you're wrong, say that you're wrong. Joan, who was seriously ill and thought she was dying, begged to be allowed to go to confession and receive Holy Communion

and to be buried in consecrated ground. They continued to badger her, receiving her only constant response, which is, I am relying on our Lord. I hold to what I have already said. She just kept saying that. And they kept saying, Admit it. Admit it. And she thinks she's dying.

She just never, never drops. Joan was informed that if she persisted with her answers and denials, she would be turned over to the secular authorities. Only they, and not the church, could carry out the death sentence of a condemned heretic. So they're like, all right, if you're not going to play ball with us, we'll give you to them and they will execute you. Oh, they wanted to play ball.

Just play ball with them. She hates ball games. Take a break from all this stuff and to play ball. Just play ball with them. She hates ball games. Take a break from all this stuff and just play ball. Go have a kick. It's fun. Have a chuck. Have a chuck. Go and have a chuck.

It'll do you the world of good. They keep throwing balls at her, hoping that she'll just catch one. Got her. Got her. She caught it. Got her. She played ball. But instead it just keeps hitting her in the face.

How old is she? Is this still the year she was 16? She's now 19 years old 19 So she Crammed a lot in All her famous stuff happened so quickly Yeah

So she's not cracking but finally she does When her judges began to read out the sentence Abandoning her to the secular power Saying alright fine you're going to go to them Fine That's cool whatever Hey we'd love to help you Rogers began to read out the sentence, abandoning her to the secular power, saying, All right, fine, you're going to go to them? Fine. That's cool, whatever. Hey, we'd love to help you, but you've got to help yourself. Yeah, you've got to help us or we won't help you.

Upon hearing this, Joan called out and then said that she would do all the church required of her. Understandably, she was probably afraid of being executed, which at this time means being burnt to death. That's not a good one. This whole time she's had faith in God that God will intervene and save her and now she's basically told, all right, you're going to be murdered. She was presented with a form of confession and although she hesitated in signing it, eventually she put her name on the condition that it was pleasing to our Lord.

She's like, all right, well, God's not saving me. Maybe this is the right thing to do. So instead of the death sentence, because she signed, she was condemned to what we would call life imprisonment. Wow. All right, they say, we won't kill you, but you are never leaving jail. Is this in England or this is in English France? This is in English France.

Right. The vice inquisitor had ordered Joan to put on women's clothes and she obeyed the command. But two or three days later, this is after the confession, when the judges and others visited her and found her again in male attire, she said she'd had a change of her own free will, preferring men's clothes. This has actually been disputed. Others claimed that they actually took away her female clothing

and left only men's clothes so they could set her up. Yeah, right. Why? They've already got her. Why do they want to? Yeah, like what more do do you want because it's been speculated that some people like no no we've got to kill her we've got to kill this woman yeah okay it's not enough to imprison her for life we have to make sure she dies yeah in case that she inspires future rebellion but the common narrative is and probably the most widely believed is that she she'd heard the voices of saint catherine and saint margaret who told her off for signing her name and admitting she acted improperly.

Right. So she basically went back on her own signing and said, I withdraw my confession. Yeah, it doesn't make sense that her staying alive would inspire people. Don't they normally try and avoid martyring someone on the other side because that's what really inspires them? Yeah, you would think so. Yeah, that's true.

Though she might come back and lead another army. Who knows? Sadly for Joan, so she said, actually, I withdraw my confession. The voices have come back and I was wrong.

I was right, basically. I was wrong, I was right. I was wrong to sign I was right. Sadly for Joan, this was the final straw and she was handed over to the dreaded secular officials. The next day, she was wrong to sign i was right sadly for joan this was the final straw and she was handed over to the dreaded secular officials the next day she was condemned to death tied to a tall

pillar she was burned at the stake that day but yeah the next day after she was handed over beforehand a member of the roman catholic order comforted joan and she asked him to hold a crucifix high enough for her to see from the platform and to shout out the assurances of salvation so loudly that she could hear them over the roar of the flames as the fire was lit and spread she uttered her last words which were jesus jesus jesus repeating christ name several times before her death and like i said she was only 19 she was only 19. Can you believe it? You're only meant to blow the bloody doors off. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. I mean, yeah, it's hot.

Jesus, that's hot. I think mine would be a little stronger, but sorry, didn't mean to laugh at a woman being burnt to death. That is horrendous. It is absolutely. After she died, the English raked back the coals to expose her charred bodies and no one could claim that she had escaped. Oh, my God.

They then burnt the body twice more to reduce it to ashes and to prevent any collection of relics and then cast her remains into the Seine River so no one could ever have like a burial spot or place for people to gather. Gotcha. I mean, you can still have those even without the body being there, you know? A little plaque. That's true.

But I think it's the same with Hitler. They're like, burn the shit out of it, throw it in a river so no one can be like, this is where his body is. Yeah. Now it's just in the water. Now it's everywhere. Yeah. Probably out to sea.

Yeah, he's spread that all around the world by this point. The ocean's full of Hitler. Well, I'm swimming in Hitler. I'm swimming in Hitler. Right. Now everything's ruined. I'm up to my bloody eyeballs in Hitler. Well, I'm swimming in Hitler. I'm swimming in Hitler. Right, now everything's ruined. I'm up to my bloody eyeballs in Hitler.

Thanks a lot, Hitler. Just wanted to see some tropical fish. They're just surrounded by Hitler. God, I've just swallowed some Hitler.

Oh, so salty. Having a Hitler break, sorry, drinks break. So, the Hundred Year War raged on

for 22 years after Joan of Arc's death. Charles VII, the king she'd helped and who'd done nothing to help her, retained legitimacy as the king of France. He's my least favourite French king now. You hate him? Yeah. He's a dog. So he retained legitimacy despite the rival coronation of Henry VI,

who was once a baby, like many of us. Some skip that stage. He was actually crowned at Notre Dame Cathedral. Notre Dame. In 1431. With the halfback. Can you believe it? Notre Dame.

There's lots of contributing factors, but like I said earlier, Henry VI, the baby baby king grew up to be a terrible ruler and was a big reason that england ultimately lost the hundred years war to the french even marrying charles vii's niece margaret of anjou didn't stop charles from taking back more and more of france he kept going until the French victory at the Battle of Castillon in 1453, by which time Charles VII had control of most of France. Through conquest and marriage alliances, Charles VII was able to bring such regions as Burgundy, Provence and Brittany together into one nation-state that was richer and more powerful than ever. Wow. That's the end of the Hundred Years' War, but soon back in England,

Henry VI would have to deal with another influential series of events on his own doorstop, the so-called Wars of the Roses, which is another epic topic that I'd love to do someday. Maybe my next two, if not three,

part arts. What? Maybe block 2022. It's only months away now, people. Yeah, that's right. If people vote for it, I'll do it. Battle of the Roses. But what about the legacy of Joan of Arc?

I guess despite turning his back on her, Charles VII was still thinking about her because almost 20 years after her execution, on his entry into Rouen in 1450, Charles VII ordered an inquiry into the trial. The trial that had found her guilty and executed her. The conviction of Joan of Arc in 1431 was posthumously investigated on appeal

at the request of Joan's surviving family, her mother Isabella and two of her brothers, Jean and Pierre, and the appeal was authorised by the then Pope, Pope Calixtus III. Calixtus? Never heard of him, but I love it. No.

The purpose of the retrial was to investigate whether the trial of condemnation and its verdict had been handed justly and according to ecclesiastical law. The Inquisitor's final summary of the case in June 1456 described Joan as a martyr and implicated the late Pierre Courchon, who was the judge, with heresy for having convicted an innocent woman in pursuit of a secular vendetta. Wow. So the court declared her innocent on July the 7th, 1456.

And they said the guy that found her guilty, he's actually the guilty one. Right. So did he get burned alive? I'm actually not sure if he was... I'm sure he was dead by this point, but let's look him up because I forgot to do that. So this is 1456. He died in 1442, so he never got his comeuppance. I mean, here I am like, oh, damn it.

He still died. Yeah, he still died. But, you know, you want him to hear that he's wrong and he's guilty. Yeah, he was posthumously excommunicated. But he did not die. There you go. Well, he did die, but not for that crime. Joan of Arc, so she was found not guilty in 1456, a long time ago.

She became a symbol of the Catholic League during the 16th century, but it wasn't until 1920, almost 500 years after her death, that she was canonised. Wow. I mean, they do take ages. It takes ages. Admin red tape. So much red tape.

A lot of paperwork. You've got other stuff to do. It's not like top of the list. Wow, 1920. Her feast day is May 30. The French Parliament on June 24, 1920, decreed a yearly national festival in her honour that is held the second Sunday in May.

And in France, she is known as La Pucelle d'Orléans, a.k.a. The Maid of Orléans. That's awesome. So much of the original source... I've just had a look over your shoulder there, Dave. So, Orléans is... that's where New Orleans is named after, is it? I imagine so, because it is spelt Orleans

with an accent on the E. Yeah, right. There you go. So much of the original source material of her trial survives that it's been said that no person of the Middle Ages, male or female, has been the subject of more study. Yeah. So there's heaps of actual first sources stuff that survived. The fascination with this teenage peasant that came from absolutely nowhere

who changed the course of one of the most influential wars in history, has captured the human imagination for centuries. During World War I, French troops carried an image of her into battle with them. And three separate vessels of the French Navy have been named after her, including a helicopter carrier, which I think we can all agree is the best tribute she could ever hope for. I think that's why she did it all. Number one, for God.

Number two. For the helicopter carrier to be named after her. That is my report on La Pucelle, the Maid of Oléon, Joan d'Arc. Well done, Dave. Great stuff. Firstly, question for you two. What vessel would you want to have named after you? Vessel?

Oh, like a pint? Jug? Tugboat. Oh, that's a good one. That is good. You want a jug? Do you want it to be shaped like you? Like the Jesus jugs?

Yes, I want it to be like one of those Toby jugs with your face on it. That'd be great. That'd be sick. All right, I'll arrange that for you. If you could get onto that tugboat, that'd be sick all right i'll arrange that for you if you could get onto that tugboat that'd be good thank you i will i'll uh absolutely call 1-800-TUGBOAT for the theists out there who were yelling at their ipods i've looked up the assumption well i think i called it the ascension assumption of mary versus dormition oh no to assume it makes an ass out of you and me Exactly, this is on that French page

This might be French related Christianity But it says Many Catholics believe that Mary first died before being assumed But they believe that she was miraculously resurrected before being assumed Assume I think means going up to heaven Others believe she was assumed bodily into heaven without first dying either understanding may be legitimately held by catholics with eastern catholics observing the feast as the dormition which is her dying first i think so let me just

say that you can't be wrong because no one can agree yeah even inside catholicism it looks like it's disputed i'm sure i'm guessing i must have been taught that she went up full-bodied i'm sure a war has been fought over that fact yeah important stuff important stuff um but yeah thanks so much for that reply i was great i think i wish it wasn't my main takeaway that she was a flag bearer and not a fly. In my head, she was like, she was out in front chopping heads. So, like, you'd heckle her, honorary flag bearer. No, I don't know. I don't know why.

It just feels like, I mean, it's amazing what she did anyway, just to talk her way into kind of going around with the army. It is like a 16-year-old can just rock up and be like, oh, I've spoken to the saints, and then march into an unwinnable battle, and then they actually end up winning, even if that's just amazing. It did change the course of the war,

which was a massive event in European history. Yeah, so I imagine people would believe in that. The other side of it is it's possible like the Space Jam Michael's Special Juice or whatever it was called, where he'd... That might be confusing slightly. Michael Jackson's much more awful thing.

But in the Space Jam, Michael had a bottle and he said, this is my special drink. This is why I play so well and all the Looney Tunes drink it. But it turns out it's just water, but they all play better because of it. She might have been their Michael Jordan special water. A i can know it also happens in harry potter just watched all the harry potter movies people have spoken about this uh lady for 550 years and i don't think anyone's ever put in those terms before so well done nobody's ever made the space gem analogy putting it into new uh into a's beautiful. Well, that brings us to everyone's favorite section of the show

where we thank a lot of our great supporters. You can support us, keep this show running, keep the lights on, if you will. It gets dark in here without them. Flickr, flickr. So you can go to patreon.com slash dogoonpod or dogoonpod.com and you can support us on a bunch of different levels.

There's all sorts of different rewards and bonuses you get by supporting us, including three bonus episodes a month, some that have come out recently. Dave, you're doing them this month? Yes, well, we just had our annual DoGoHonours go out. Oh, the shiny Golden Garrys. That's right, where we get our Patreon supporters to vote for best episode of 2021, best host

reporter, our best guest host, which we heard from them. Yeah, it's a lot of fun. It's really do go on podcasts night of nights. It is. It's so good. And there's every month we do a Phrasing the Bar or about another Brendan Fraser movie, including one a couple of months ago was a live one, which was a lot of fun. Yeah, which was recently.

We're in the golden age. Recently, we've had George of the Jungle, Dudley Do-Right, The Mummy, and Bedazzled. It's a good run. It's amazing. The big four. The big four. We're hitting the peak.

We're not far from The Mummy 2, so pretty good. Oh, my God. But yeah, so there's all sorts of things. One of the, I mean, the Facebook groups is the nicest corner of the internet. Oh, my goodness. Get involved there if you sign up. But if you sign up on the Sydney Scheinberg level,

you get to give us a fact quota question as well as all those other things I just mentioned. And you also get to give yourself a title. I read these out for the first time on the show. First one this week comes from, oh, sorry, before I say that, I think this section has a little jingle,

doesn't it? Of course. I don't know if it does. Oh, maybe it doesn't. Fact, quote, or question. Farm. Ding. He always remembers the farm.

So, this week, the first one comes from Katie Hopner. And this is Katie's, oh, sorry, Kate, Kate Hopner. Kate's first time in, no, it isn't. Oh, because I've just seen her title. You have to give yourself a title as well.

And Kate's title is previously known as Kate Mallory. Oh. So I believe Kate Mallory's been in here before. Anyway, so yeah, if you get to give us a fact, a quote, or a question, that's what Kate's done. Or, sorry, or a brag or suggestion these days as well. A compliment was also an option. Please, we need them.

Kate has been in the fact, quote, or question before, but this is the first time. Welcome in as Kate Hopener. Congratulations on the name change. Love it. For whatever reason. I hope it was just decided to turn a new leaf. That'd be fun.

Yeah. Just try something new. Nothing wrong with Mallory, but Hopener, that's a great one. It's great. Both good. Both very good. Well done.

Hard to hyphenate. So, yeah, you made a call. Yeah. Well, I mean, she could be going back to her name after a divorce. Exactly. Or it could be just a change of whatever reason it is. That's right.

I feel like they're all good reasons. All good reasons. There's no bad reason to change your name. Witness protection. Yeah, I was going to say. All good. All good, yeah. All good reasons.

Fleeing, danger. Joined the Screen Actors Guild and they've said, sorry, there's already a Kate Mallory. Hope not. Love it. Anyway, Kate has offered a question, which is, what is the weirdest food combination you've ever tried? Kate has answered the question, as I always ask people to do if they ask one.

Do you want to hear hers first? Yeah. A little bit of thinking time. Thanks. When I was younger, my grandma introduced me to sandwiches with peanut butter, raw sugar and salt and pepper oh it sounds awful but it's pretty tasty a lot of it is not brilliant yeah pretty tasty i think my sister-in-law eats peanut butter and peanut butter tomatoes raw sugar

and salt and pepper that does sound like a monstrosity yeah that's that's not for me thanks yeah i think it's for me it's the sugar. Yeah. Take that out. I'd be like, I can see it. Yeah, I'm into the rest. I can see it working. And the rest.

This one, I don't think it's seen as weird, but it seemed weird to me before I first had it. Avocado, Vegemite, Cheese and Tomato. It's the Vegemite that some people might make that seem weird but I think avocado and Vegemite go so well together. That works.

Dave, can you think of any weird combos? I can't think of a weird combo. People find it weird that I put sour cream and cheese on my baked beans.

That's not weird. But people find that sour cream and oh, okay on baked beans. I don't think that I think that works. I know it, but people find that... Sour cream and... Oh, okay. On baked beans. I don't think that works. I think that...

I know it works, but I think that... Oh, I know. No, that's... But I meant more... I was on your side, mate, but I got... Thanks. No, but some people say... At a music festival or something, they'll...

You know, the humble spud sort of vans? Yeah. They do like a baked potato. Yeah. And one of the combos is pretty much that, and that works really well. Yeah, I don't think that's weird. Okay. I've had people be like, are you doing mate well i mean like it's not you putting like i think sour cream is a like a fairly neutral i love it kind of product i don't think it's

you know what i mean like you're just putting it... I think putting it on something, that's fine. Dave, it's fine. Next time somebody has a go at you for that, you just say, hey, fuck you. I'm trying to think of a better answer. The only time I remember someone being like, what are you doing? I was staying... I was younger.

I was like 19. I was staying at a family's friend in the country in Charlton, back where I used to live. And we got up, it was Charlton show day, so we were about to go to the show. And I was having a bowl of Coco Pops with milk and then a bit of beer on the side. And the dad, Mick, came in.

He's like, what are you doing? Just putting milk and beer inside your stomach at the same time. Yeah, it is weird. I'd say I wouldn't do it now, but back then it just felt like I was living the dream. It's because you're 19 and you're bulletproof. Yeah. It was child show day.

I was so pumped. Yeah. Now you're like, that's immediately going to upset my stomach. I'm going to shit myself. You know, I have to think about what I'm eating now because I'm like, oh, that usually gives me acid reflux. Okay. You're not as bulletproof as you were.

Yeah. That doesn't ring any bells for you, Dave. That's a bit cruel. K-pop and beer is pretty good. I'm actually, I mean, summertime here in Australia, I might give it a go one morning. Yeah, give it a crack. I can't think of many, because i was a quite a fussy

eater as a kid and weird combos of foods it was never going to happen still a little i think i'm the same i'm pretty basic sorry yeah on the stupid old i don't did either of you watch the i mean you were both on it but the stupid old uh fundraising telethon yeah towards the end reese nicholson came on to make a jaffa that's right and so he's making it with bolognese and cheese and stuff and andy's hosting andy matthews is hosting at the time and he and he's like oh this is a weird combination i haven't heard of anyone putting bolognese in a jaffa and everyone else is like well that's pretty standard yeah he's like what are you talking about normal jaffa's got grated cheese and grated carrot. And I was like, what?

Oh, okay. Andy, Andy, Andy. Grated cheese and grated carrot. Yeah, I think that's what he said. A carrot sandwich. Just everyone, and then cook it. Everyone was like, what? And he's like, that's what we did on our holidays.

Your family's wrong. And then someone's like, he's, Rhys was like, where did you grow up? And Andy said, Tasmania. Oh. That makes sense. I mean,

you can still watch that if you want to see that beautiful moment on the stupid old channel on YouTube. The only thing I can think of that I ate a lot as a kid that I don't think I'd really want to eat now was just a sandwich that just had cheese,

mayonnaise and lettuce. It's not that ridiculous. It's basically like a McChicken without the chicken. It's not that like it's not that ridiculous it's basically like a mcchicken without the chicken you know like it's not a crazy combo but now i'm like i'm gonna put a bit more substance in that sandwich it sounds like that's a fresh summer sandwich um great question kate you've really got us thinking there um if uh if anyone out there's got some tweet at us and see if we remember this conversation if you're in the Patreon group

especially get a thread going thanks for that question Kate next one comes from Isaac Spirat and I believe I was wrong when I said it about Kate but I believe this is Isaac's first time welcome Isaac and Isaac has given himself the title assistant chief I said it about Kate, but I believe this is Isaac's first time. Welcome, Isaac. That quoted question.

And Isaac has given himself the title, Assistant Chief Dugo on Petting Zoo Attendant. Very important. Good to have you here. In case that little baby goat gets a little bitey. It's another food-related one. Isaac has asked the question, what's your favourite chicken piece from kfc if you're vego i think bop is shit now i'm not sure what's your favorite vego junk food

ah so favorite chicken piece my favorite fast food if i want if you want me to jump in while you're thinking uh is subway i reckon that's my go-to. Subway. Subway, dark rye, all the salads, avocado. That's probably my... That's your favourite fast food. Oh, no, not fast food, my favourite chain. Oh, chain. Okay, okay, okay. Still, that's still surprising.

I do like maybe the Hungry Jack's Whopper. Okay. Because I'm... Oh, Zach, I'm a veg as well. Sorry to bang on about it, but... How do you... They do a... I love the Rebel Burger at Hungry Jack's as well. Sorry to bang on about it. How do you buy it? I love the Rebel Burger at Hungry Jack's as well. I know, yeah, that's probably my go-to bad food.

But fast food in general, pizza, fish and chips. Chippies. Fish and chips is my number one. Been getting right back into Friday night fish and chips. Oh, that's fun. Reliving my childhood. Very nostalgic. What about Thursday afternoon lunch fish and chips. Oh, that's fun. Reliving my childhood. Very nostalgic. What about Thursday afternoon lunch fish and chips,

aka after this episode? Love that. Love that as an idea. Don't mind that one bit. Don't mind that one bit. Okay, as the one of the three that does eat chicken at the moment, I am a fan of popcorn chicken. Oh, yeah.

That sounds like that would probably be good. I haven't had that for a very long time. My favorite thing that KFC ever did was potato mashies. Oh, yeah. Which is basically fried balls of mashed potato. Oh, that's nice. KFC is one I just never, I never really ate KFC. No, me either.

McDonald's was a treat as a kid. Yeah, and it was. And I had junior burgers. I would eat, which is like the nothing burger, but I would go and when I was like a teenager, go see a movie or whatever, and I'd go to the McDonald's and I'll say, five junior burgers, chips and a strawberry thick shake, I think it was my go-to.

That's a good combo. It's just like, can I just have a loaf of bread? Yeah. Give me all your bread. And five patties of beef. Yeah, same. We would have like chips you'd go through the mcdonald's drive-thru on the drive home from ballarat visiting family and you'd get like a little you'd get a little fries that was about it and then as a teen as my friends ate

more sort of junk food stuff but kfc wasn't one that i got around a lot either and now not eating meat i like their chips a lot good chips yeah i think just hot chips is probably my hot chips my fave not fussy where they're from just give them to me had a country road trip recently and yeah the country fish and chip chips i don't know how they taste different it's like the potatoes creamier or something i don't know how they do it it's magic yeah it's your secret out there in the country tell us tell us i used to be one of you huh come on not you've been a city boy for too long since the last millennium uh thank you very much for that question isaac i think chips, we can all agree. Yeah, chips, number one. My goodness. Next one comes from Tom Quinders.

I believe another first timer. And Tom has given himself the title of background dancer for performances at the Triptych Club. Oh, that's fun. Every good band needs a backup dancer. Yeah, agreed. Tom has offered a fact.

Hi, Jess, Matt and Dave. While listening to the Who Wants to Be a Millionaire episode, something happened that made me upgrade to this level just to tell you this fact. Oh, wow. In Germany... You can just email us. I thought you could tweet it,

but this would take a couple of tweets. Yeah. It says, in Germanyany we also have who wants to be a millionaire which is hosted by gunther george daviel the german of the group whatever you pronounce that absolutely nailed it tom is yelling at his iPod right now sorry tom uh in 2015 a man named leon windshield no winded, won the million dollars during the show. He said that if he won enough money, he was planning to buy a party boat and operate it as a business in Munster. Leon had promised Gunther during the show that he was going to name the boat after him.

And Gunther, in turn, promised to be the boat's godfather since he himself was born in munster am i saying munster right yeah i think so it's got the umlaut over the u i think it changed it from munster to munster yeah didn't we have maybe isn't this when your brother-in-law yelled out during the uh munster rebellion show live show yeah someone yelled out yeah that's right. She says, this plan was made reality in 2016 and now the MS Gunther docks in Munster's harbour. That's nice. That's so good. I love that.

I bring this up because I live in Munster and while biking to dance training, I love that sentence. Love this. I was listening to the Who Wants to Be a Millionaire episode and passed the boat at the bridge crossing. Then on my way back from training an hour later, still listening to the Who Wants to Be a Millionaire episode and passed the boat at the bridge crossing. Then on my way back from training an hour later, still listening to the episode,

I passed it in the same spot again, this time coming from the other side. I took it as a sign of fate and decided I must tell you this fun question mark fact. That is a fun fact. Love you all. That's so good. That's actually, that's quite wholesome too. That's a nice interaction that happened. Yeah, I love it. Like, I'm going to name a boat after you? Well, consider me the boat's so good. That's actually, that's quite wholesome too. That's a nice interaction that happened.

Yeah, I love it. Like, I'm going to name a boat after you? Well, consider me the boat's grandfather. That's so nice. I love it. Oh, that's so nice. I think I want Gunther George as our host. Yeah, that's good.

Get Gunther over here. Get him on. I feel like he's a can-do guy. He'd be like, yeah. Of course. I'll come over. No worries. Are you ever going to host Australia?

Sure. All right. Fuck Andy McGuire, he said. Not my words. Not my words. Never my words. Thank you very much, Tom. That is a fantastic debut or debut into the fact, quote, or question, fact, or suggestion.

You nailed it. No. Brag. Finally, this week, this one's from Returner Jeremy Swade Which I think We've said in the past What a name

Incredible What a smooth name Yeah Jeremy's title is Grand Dugong Ambassador Extraordinaire Plenipotentiary To California

What's a plenipotentiary? It's a cool word That's what it is I don't know Maybe Will they explain? Maybe. Let's find out.

Jeremy's offering us a fact, which is California is home to the porn capital of the world, the San Francisco Valley, also known as Porn Valley, Silicon Valley, or San Pornado Valley. What's the Silicon Valley pun? Porn Valley, Silicon Valley or San Pornado Valley? What's the Silicon Valley pun? Porn Valley, Silicon Valley? Is that different how you spell Silicon? Yeah, it's different spelling. Silicon. Oh, maybe it's meant to be Cillabone Valley?

No, whatever. All right. San Pornado Valley is very funny. Although the number has declined in recent years, at one time nearly 90% of all legally distributed pornographic films made in the US were produced in San Fernando Valley based studios. The film Boogie Nights starring Mark Wahlberg explores many aspects of the area and is very true to the nature of the industry during the 70s and 80s. So I guess this is kind of a fact and a brag because where I live, Woodland Hills, is part of the San Pornando Valley.

Lucky me. Nice one. Jeremy Swade. I mean, that does sound like it could be a porn name. That's a good porn name. Thank you very much for that fact, Jeremy Swade. Do you want me to look up planet potentially? Yeah. Yes, please. Silicon and silicone are two very different things. Jeremy Swade Do you want me to look up Planet Planet Potentiary Yeah Yes please

Silicon and silicone Are two very different things So that was a good That was a play What is silicone In short Silicon is a natural occurring element Whereas silicone

Is a synthetic substance Oh Maybe some of them might A dildo might be made out of it Yeah I think that's what he's I get it Going for it there

Planet Potentiary Is a diplomat Diplomat A dildo might be made out of it. Yeah, I think that's what he's going for there. Planner Potentiary is a diplomat who has full powers, authorization to sign a treaty or convention on behalf of his or her sovereign. There you go. Hey. Pretty important. Love that. That's a big role. Happy to cede those powers over, mate.

Thank you so much, Tom. Another thing we'd like to do is thank a few of our other supporters. Jess normally has a little game based on the topic at hand. What are you thinking this week, Boppa? I'm not sure. I was thinking of who is talking to them in their head. Oh, yeah. Could be anyone.

Could be a celebrity. Great. All right. Well, if I may kick it off, I'd love to thank from Three Hills in Canada, Jesse Malps. Jesse Malps and Ralph Malf from Happy Days. Ralph Malf? Ralph Malf, I think, is one of the characters.

Yeah. Okay. Maybe the whole cast. The Fonz is there as well. The cast of Happy Days. Yeah, the cast of Happy Days. And then when Ron Howard's speaking it would feel like Arrested Development.

Yeah. You'd be like, oh my God, Arrested Development. No, Happy Days. There's Henry Winkler. Hey. Hey. Chachi.

Thank you very much, Jesse. And I'd also love to thank from Surrey, also in Canada Michael Dio or in Michael's head Michael is hearing the voice of Sylvester Stallone which sounds a little something

like this Hey Michael you should go and get a get a slice of pizza That's good advice I think I lost that That's good advice

I lost it a little bit that time Pizza I watched an interview with Stallone recently I lost it a little bit that time. I watched an interview with Stallone recently. It was from way back and he was talking very seriously about Rocky and how he really held off until he was allowed to star in it. Like the studio bought his script. Yeah, that's right. Yeah.

So, yeah, he's just really gambled on himself. Love it. Hey, Michael, you've got to believe in yourself. He's like, don't give in for no one. Yeah, you'd want that guy in your head, wouldn't you? Yeah, that's great. Finally, from me, I'd love to thank, from Fitzroy here in Melbourne, Australia, Nick Kavanagh. Nick Kavanagh has Mr. Ed.

Whoa. Talking horse You got a talking horse Peanut butter, gums and all When removed from the horse it's slightly less impressive Because it's just a voice But if you know it's a horse And they probably talk about horsey things Yeah it's probably like oh go have an apple

Well Nick Get me some hay I hope you are having a good day. That's good. Do you want to thank a few of these fine people, Dave or Jess? I would love to jump in. Go for it. Hey, let's give a big shout out from Midlothian in Virginia in America, Kareem Rimawi.

That's such a great name. Kareem is one of my favorite names. Kareem'sawi. That's such a great name. Kareem's one of my favorite names. Great name, isn't it? Kareem's lovely. It's a really nice name. Rimawi. I'm sorry if I'm getting that wrong, but from Midlothian, that's very close. The obvious would be to say Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, who's got a great voice and would be...

Yeah. He's one of the highest scorer of all time. Yeah. And Kareem's got to stick together. Is Kareem the skyhook? Is that the signature move? Oh, yeah. Popping it up. Yeah. Yeah. And Kareem's got to stick together. Is Kareem the skyhook? Is that the signature move? Oh, yeah, popping it up. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, popping it up. I don't know why I'm asking Dave. There's a basketballer in the room. Yes. Also writes, like, not books and scripts and stuff. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar does it all. I believe, I think I was watching, have you seen Dave?

It's like a sort of a comedy about a rapper guy. And yeah, there was an episode where he was in it and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was very funny. Very funny man. Awesome. I would also love to thank from Gig Harbour. Very cool. In Washington, it is Joe Renkley. Joe Renkley is also a great name.

Renkley. Okay. What about... Obviously, you'd love to get some narration in your head from the greatest actor of their generation, Meryl Streep. Could do it all. Could do it all. I wasn't sure if you're going to go Helen Mirren or Meryl Streep there.

Meryl, most Academy Award nominations. And I think she'd be great because she does do different accents too. She'd really mix it up. You like her Australian one? Yeah. Oh, g'day. Oh, dear. Now it's a dingo.

Took my old baby. She's master of accents. I actually think that we're wrong. Yeah, I know. Meryl is right. Did make me question it. We're doing it wrong. We should be changing our accents immediately.

Joe's got Meryl going all day long. And it is exclusively the Aussie accent. And finally, I'd like to thank from Raleigh in North Carolina. North Carolina. North Carolina. Quick fun fact about that. Do you know how most jurisdictions will have red fire engines? Yeah, that's the colour of fire engines. Well, not in North Carolina.

What? Yeah, they have blue fire engines. What kind of blue? Like a sky blue? An electric blue? A red blue? A navy blue? Electric blue.

Yeah, I think electric blue. Yeah. Probably. Probably. Electric blue? Yeah, I think electric blue. Yeah. Probably.

Of course, Emmy Howell has Bruce McIverney's voice. Emmy Howell. I'm not sure if I named the person yet. Okay. Emmy Howell. Sorry, I paused after North Carolina. Do you want to do it again? No.

Great. Emmy, you're a legend. I've got to stop peeking over your shoulder, Dave. Love your support. You are from North Carolina. Does that give you any inspiration? Yeah, well, I was... I have already gone Bruce McIverney, but I think you're right.

Emmy will have no idea who that is. Emmy won't know who Bruce McIverney is. Who's there? Who's America's Bruce McIverney? Nobody else has a McIverney. What about John Chen? No, John Chin? Who's the guy from E.T.? Bruce Buffer? Bruce Buffer.

Let's get ready to rumble. Yeah, let's go Bruce Buffer. Possibly his brother is Michael Buffer. Very motivating. Can't remember which is which. That would be really, like, that would be fun in your head. It's Mike, his brother Mike. They both do.

Bruce does the UFC. Michael Buffer does Let's Get Ready to Rumble That would be great to hear that all day long, wouldn't it? The Buffer Brothers The Buffers You got the Buffer Brothers in your head Yeah Yes, both

That's really good John Tesh is who I was thinking I don't know how I got to John Chin But anyway John Tesh I don't know who that is Well, that's good that we've gone with Who have we gone with?

Bruce and Michael Buffer Bruce and Michael,er Thanks Emi May I thank some people? That would be fantastic I would love to thank from Hamilton in New Zealand Lee McIntosh Lee Mac I think Yeah

A lot of quips Hello I'm Lee Mac, every day is a bonus It's one of my favourite Lee Mac jokes A lot of quips. Hello, I'm Lee Mack. Every day is a bonus. It's one of my favourite Lee Mack jokes. A lot of fun. Great. Out of context, especially. Can I just ask, the voices that Lee's hearing, is Lee Mack giving advice or just doing bits? He's doing bits.

You just hear stand-up from his specials? Yeah, he's doing stand-up bits. That would be so annoying. You're hearing just his line from sketches, so his long pauses and then Lee will say something. Oh, you're out for dinner trying to concentrate, meeting your partner's new parents. Yeah.

He's getting the... Partner's new parents. I got some new ones. They're upgraded. Singing the wrong lines from California Dreaming. Yeah. Very funny stuff. All the leaves are brown. But only his bits. So you're hearing like the wrong backup singing. All the leaves are brown that's very

funny all the leaves are brown all the leaves are brown thank you lee mcintosh i would also love to thank from norwich great britain david kingfisher it feels like Norwich's most famous son has to be involved here. Alan Partridge. Aha! I'd love to hear him. I'm Alan Partridge. What is it? From the Oast House. But what does he say in the old

talk show? Knowing me, Alan Partridge, and knowing you, David Kingfisher. Aha! I would love his voice in my head. That'd be fun. So good. Which you often do, pumping your head while you're asleep. I do, yeah.

I've listened to a few of his audio books twice now. So good. Just give that a listen. So thank you, David Kingfisher. And finally, I would love to thank from Brisbane, here in Queensland,land finn dawn french oh great one that'd be great one have you been looking at the bookshelf yes i just looked at dawn french and i and i thought i'd like to have dawn french in my head yeah that'd be a good one in character as the vicar of dibbly yes exactly exclusively i think that's might be the only character verse I can think of.

It's a big one. It's one of the big ones. It's one of the big four. Big four of French. I mean, very appropriate. Exactly. It all ties together. We're very good.

Thank you very much, Finn, David, Lee, Emmy, Joe, Kareem, Nick, Michael and Jesse. And the last thing we need to do is welcome a few people into our Triptych Club, which of course now has a dancer. We have Tom Quinder's background dancing as well. So just picture that in your mind as well. As we bring in just, what have we got? Five inductees in the Triptych Club this week. So if you're new to the TripDitch Club,

people who have been on the shout-out level or above for three straight years get inducted into this club. It's a beautiful spot in your mind and in your heart. And I'm there at the door. I've got the velvet rope. I'm about to lift it. It might even be the Jeremy Suede rope this week. I lift it up and read your name off the door list.

Happy with that to be a permanent addition. And once you come in, Dave really bigs you up. He's your hype man. He's on the stage. Everyone else is already in the club. They're cheering you along. Jess is hyping up Dave because it takes a lot of energy to be a hype man. Jess, you normally have a cocktail.

What's the Joan of Arc cocktail this week? Well, I mean, before I knew the topic, I was actually planning this cocktail, so it does feel a little in poor taste now because it is a flaming cocktail. Oh, my God. But I just thought that would be kind of cool. I learned how to do that,

and then I was like, yeah, cool, I'll take that. And now, obviously, it feels... As soon as I said Joan of Arc, were you like, fuck? Yeah, a little bit. Fuck, I think she of cool. I learned how to do that. And then I was like, yeah, cool. I'll take that. And now, obviously, it feels... As soon as I said Joan of Arc, were you like, fuck. Yeah, a little bit. Fuck, I think she gets better. But I've been trying to send some emails while the report was being done. And I was like, I cannot get this menu changed in time.

This is the opposite of Dave. Dave normally books a nicely coincidental band. Dave, who have you booked as a bandist? You're never going to believe it. Oh, my God. Who? I've actually booked Joan of Arc, the Chicago band. Dave, who have you booked as a band this week? You're never going to believe it. Oh, my God. Who? I've actually booked Joan of Arc, the Chicago band. Of course, the indie rock band, they broke up last year,

but they're reforming just for us, one night only. Yes. The Triptych Club has power. If you get a call from Dave, the booker of the Triptych Club, you answer that call. Oh, you answer. So, we've got five inductees here. Are you ready to go?

Dave, you ready to hype? Oh, absolutely. Yes, yes. So we've just got a flaming cocktail. We've got Dranabark. Everyone is absolutely pumped up. Let me hype you. Dave, can you just get the crowd going?

Oh, absolutely. Yeah, yeah. Let's just... Let's hear. Can we get some noise out there? Yeah, that feels good Alright Alright, hopefully none of this falls flat

Alright, firstly from Miami Sorry, wrong button From Miami in Florida, United States Grant M. Bitisnik Let me grant you entry to the club Yes From Leicester in Great Britain It's Kieran Foster.

Oh, let's foster a good vibe. From Rockville in, I think, Maryland in the US, it's Insigniate. Rockville population, you Insigniate. From West Sacramento, born and raised California US, it's Betsy. Oh, you can bet on Betsy. Yes. And finally from Akron, Ohio. I think it might be the first time I've said it nearly right in the US.

It's Rachel Leslie. Leslie. Less you is a bad time. Yeah. But more you is a great time. Akron, Orkron, however you say it, we love it. Welcome, Rachel, Betsy, Insignia, Kieran, Grant, Tommy and James. No, Tommy and James last week.

I've gone back too far. Hey, they're still here. Everyone's in the club. That's true. Shout out to them once again. Hey, let's go through them all. Alec, Christian, Dylan, Ryan, Nick. Only joking.

All right. You know how I... Because, you know, whoever runs the... I think it's the DoGoOnQuotes Twitter account or whatever it's called. DoGoOn On Wisdom. Oh, Do Go On Wisdom, yes. Their pinned tweet is like a picture thing to show you how to pronounce.

And I think it's a Wren bird. And I forget what the... I think it's Akron. Akron. Akron, Ohio. God's country either way. So, welcome in, everybody. That brings us to the end of the episode. Anything else we need to say just before we let people go um just that you can suggest a topic over on our

website do go on pod.com or there'll be a link in the show notes um you can uh find us on socials at do go on pod and you can email us do go on pod at gmail.com nice one absolutely we'd love to hear from you dave boot this baby. Thank you so much for listening, and we will be back with another week, same time, same channel, brand new topic. But until then, I'll say thank you so much and goodbye. Later. Bye.

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