Do Go On - 325 - Joan Of Arc

Episode Date: January 12, 2022

This week we look at the life of the French Heroine, Joan of Arc. This French peasant came from no where to lead an army that flipped the script on The Hundred Years War.Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: dogoonpod.com or patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Check out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​ Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasREFERENCES AND FURTHER READINGhttps://www.britannica.com/biography/Saint-Joan-of-Arc/ https://www.livescience.com/38288-joan-of-arc.html https://www.worldhistory.org/Hundred_Years'_War/ https://www.history.com/topics/middle-ages/siege-of-orleans https://www.history.com/topics/middle-ages/saint-joan-of-arc#section_1 https://www.history.com/topics/middle-ages/hundred-years-war https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joan_of_Arc  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amana, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnocky and as always I'm here with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart.

Hello, Dave Warnocky. Hello, Matt Stewart. Hi, Jess Perkins and hello to David Warnockay. Great to be here with a man who's known me for many years and still doesn't know my name. Sorry, can you just say it one more time? Varna K. Varnake. Thank you so much.

So David Varnak. David Varnackay. So good to be here with you. David Varnaca Kaye. Hey, now we're all here and friends and know each other's names. Jess Parkins, can I please ask you to explain what this show is? It would be my absolute pleasure. What this show is, is it's a rock and good time.

Hell yeah. That's the tagline. The three of us take it in turns reporting on a topic, usually suggested by a listener. We go away, we research that topic, we bring it back, we tell you, the listener all about it, and ask our co-hosts all about it. You listen politely, listeners, maybe laughing along. host, it's really more of a interrupting, heckling

kind of vibe. Yeah, yeah. We have some fun, we have some laughs, we learn some facts, we live laugh, love. Borderline, obnoxious. Yeah, borderline though,

but like... But always on the right side of that line. Exactly, and it's kind of like the fun obnoxious rather than the, you know, it's sort of like... Usually.

I mean, there was the Irish dancing episode which people talk about still. Yeah. I don't remember it being so brutal, apparently people listen to it and they're weeping by the end because Dave is being such a real mean man.

You've been a real mean man. That was me. I was going to say the C word, but I changed it to a real mean man. And I think they're interchangeable. Yeah, I think I still got the hatred in your voice. A real Clarence Hunt.

Honestly, I'm more offended. Mean man. Mean man. What do you mean by that? I don't think you're a mean man. I just haven't listened back to it ever again. Sorry about that. I left the hatred on that episode.

Now I love everything. Riverdance. I love it. It's fun. Musicals, I love them. And I also love this time. It is my turn to report on. We will start with a question.

And my question to both of you is, you have no idea with this topic is, which saint is known as La Pusel or the maid of Ollion? This is good because you're asking the two people who went to Catholic school. Yeah, definitely spent a lot of time focusing on saints. Who was your confirmation saint? Elizabeth. I went with Paul.

Did you go with Paul because that's your dad's name? Yes, I did. Elizabeth is my mum's middle name. and I already have mum's name as my middle name, so I wanted her entire name in my name. Oh, that's sick. That's funny. And my brother, Michael, chose Michael.

Yes. So he wouldn't forget it. Michael Michael, Michael. Yeah, he's Michael John Michael. Chad Michael Michaels. Is that any? Is that somebody? Is that your brother?

My brother's Chad Michael Michaels. Pretty cool. Yeah, I think that's exactly, I'm like, oh, as like a, they felt like a, some sort of an homage to my dad. Yeah. I don't even know. He's a classic Saint Paul.

He's the one who was a sinner named Saul, and then he got blinded on the road to Gethsemini. I have no idea. This is all right in the back of my brain. I might be saying some of that wrong, and that was God blinding him, and that day he became Paul, changed his name because he was good now.

Wow, hey, thanks so much for blinding me. I really appreciate it. God works in mysterious ways. Never liked the name Saul, so thank you for that. Yeah, what did Elizabeth do? No idea. Now, is it Paul or Elizabeth? Oh, no, you haven't happened upon the name yet.

So it's La Pucel or the maid of Ollion. Oh, the maid. So French? It's a French, come on. It's a famous French. Oh, is it? Made. Made, maids.

Oh, maid, Marion. Yeah, no. Not made Marion. Is it Joan of Arc. It is Joan of Oz. Yes. Congratulations. Oh, I got one.

You went from, like, hating me for not having any idea to suddenly, I know it. Well, I was like French. Who's French? The other one, the French, was the kid, I think we talked about recently, the kids who saw maybe Mary and then people, crowds would come to watch them looking at Mary appear to them, and then the water has become holy. Now people, you can go visit that city,

and they sell so much Jesus merch. It's exactly how I'm sure Jesus would have wanted it. As intended. There's like jugs in the shape of. Jesus and you go fill up your jugs of Jesus jugs with the holy water and people go there to cure their cancer and I have a funny feeling it doesn't work but interesting it's always been about the match. That's lords or lureds or something.

Are you allowed to bring that back into the country? Oh. You know, what are the customs rules? Bring the water back. Yeah, I suppose it depends on how many mills it is. And couldn't you take that jug to 7-11 day and fill it up with as much slurping as you want? Is that what Jesus would have wanted? Add that to the holy water and slurp it down.

Yeah. That'll cure everything. That's the best tasting holy water you'll ever find. Oh, yeah. Well, it depends on what flavour you get, if you like that flavour. Like frozen raspberry, yes, please. I take sacrilege. Sacrilegious.

This topic has been voted on by the Patreon supporters. I put out four topics in this one. All saints? Sorry, I'll just name me my favourite band. I prefer atomic kitten. Kitten. No, I put out four different ladies from different centuries, all very famous for different things.

And Joan of Arc, one in a bit of a landslide. And it's been suggested by three people, so thank you to Sarabi from Ontario, Marissa from London, Toby Gould from London, and Cade Frazier from Minneapolis. Amazing. I'm surprised hasn't been suggested by more people.

Me too, to be honest. And to be fair, I obviously know the name Joan of Arc. I think I know a few basics, but I don't know the whole story. Matt, how are you feeling? You're an expert? I reckon I'd know.

More than that. Because of the Simpsons? Yeah, the Leonard Cohen song. Okay. He talks about fire. And I think that's involved. Probably late in her story. And she was, I know she died pretty young, and she was in an army, and she maybe led an army.

A lot of spoilers here. Yeah, I mean, I had it all that out. You are ruining everything. Sorry. But I mean, I've left some gaps to fill. I don't believe this woman from five or six hundred years ago is dead. This is unbbed. Dave Selleys, no more gaps will fill in the rest.

I will attempt to do that. Oh my gosh, should we call Dave Selly? Sellie. Sellies? I like that. Sellies. Is a nickname? Sellies?

Because... You're pretty desperate for a nickname, so I'd be taking anything if I were you. You're filling in the gaps. Appreciate that. And you do do that. Every time we're like, Dave, what's that thing called? And you know, you fill the gaps. I'm very handy on the tools.

Yeah. A bit of a tool. Sorry, that's what I meant. That is what I meant. You are very handy on the tools. If the tools, if the tools. is, I don't know, Google? Yeah.

A dictionary? I was going to say a knife and fork, but even then I can't operate it properly. Abochus? He's alright with a spoon. Oh, great with the spoons. Our little boy. I call him Spoon Man. What about spoons?

One of my first ever nicknames was Spoonie given to me by my bass guitar teacher because, God, this is embarrassing. Why to bring it up? I wore a, of course, I wore a chain on my wallet at the time, 2003, and I was a bit of a punk rocker. And on the chain... In the sort of Avrilavine style. Exactly.

Sorry, yes. Again, Matt, with the corrections, absolutely nail it. And I had some padlocks on the chain. You're a real skater boy. And I also... You said see you later, boy. I was not good enough for her. I was not good enough for her.

And I... So the padlocks on the chain. And I also had a set of measuring spoons. Why? Because one time I bought a tub of ice cream to sneak into Hoyt's cinema at Eastland and for some reason I couldn't find anywhere that sold cutlery and we couldn't find spoons so I bought just some measuring spoons and then I put them on my chain and then my

guitar teacher Ben said I'm going to call you Spoonie Spoonie sucks spoons would have been better I reckon Spoonie. Spoonie's all right so but also measuring spurs I mean supermarkets have cutlery probably where you got the ice cream but the beauty of measuring spoons they come on a ring and they can link on the chain. Yeah, but they're like a weird shape. I've got the big one and then my friends have an increasingly smaller amount of ice cream. Perfect. You kind of want somewhere in the middle.

You maybe want like, I'm thinking, you want like quarter of a cup at most because they're like a, they can be quite deep. It's going to be annoying to eat out of. They look, well, they're more like an ice cream scoop. Yeah, but then you need another. You don't eat out of the ice cream scoop. You scoop it into a bowl or into a coat.

You don't eat out of the ice cream scoop. Oh, and so, you need out of the ice cream scoop. with the theme of Christianity, apologies to Ben all those years ago, who was in a Christian band and gave me an album of his band if I promised that I would go and see the Mel Gibson movie, The Passion of the Christ at the cinema. I took the CD and I did not see the movie. He was trying to bribe one of his students to go see Passions of the Christ.

Did he think Mel Gibson would convert you? I think that that was his hope. Wow. Wow, that sounds like you had a close call. I got a free CD. Close call with Christ. Which would have been the name of your first Christian album. Yeah.

Instead, I released the Wheat Horned EP. Anyway, okay, so Joan of Arc, to start the story, we have to talk about the 100 years war. How long that go for? Well, that's my question for you. For it between England and France, how long do you think it actually went for? It's either way more or way less. I'm going to say 64 years, 69 years. I'm going to say 95.

Five? I wanted to say four. You reckon that they had a 69-year war and they didn't call it the 69-year war. They called it the war for two. England and France coming together at last. It was 116 years. Oh, come on. Which, honestly, Jess, I thought that you would like that because they've taken that number and rounded it down to 100.

Yeah, actually, I don't. But I think Jess, I don't want to speak for Jess, but I will speak for Jess. I think she would have preferred if they just stopped the war 100. Yeah, that would have been better. For I think everyone, not just me. I don't think there's many people that were involved in that war that were like, oh, we've been going to go for 100 years, but I'm not ready to finish, you know? I'm bad at good boys.

Yeah. And it should be known that historians have since taken that number and round it down to 100. At the time, they weren't referring it. Imagine starting it being like, we're starting the 100 years war. Or you get to 99 and you're like, you know what, let's go just one more, round it up. Let's do it. That would be me as a. as a leader going, I know things are wrapping up,

but if we could just hold on, then we'd do 100, then we have a party. And then you go one day over, you're like, all right, we've got to go another 10 years. I'm so sorry. Sorry, everyone. If we had a 99-year war, I'd call it the Barbara Feetton? Felden War.

She played 99. Anyway. Agent 99. Dave. A bit of a get-smart joke there. I really felt like we got right into the episode this week and then have just faffed for 10 minutes. We introduced what this show is at the 30 second mark.

Whoa. And we're now 11 minutes in. Mark, sorry. Taking place between 1357 and 1453, the 100-year war was a series of conflicts fought between England and France involving several disputes, a big one of which was the question of the legitimate succession to the French crown.

Multiple people claiming that, hey, I'm the king. Was Louis one of them? No Louise in this story. What? No Louise. No. No. Wow.

Okay, Dave. Sorry, everyone. I don't know any other French names. So. Any Napoleons? Not yet, no. What? What?

What? Remind me of these years again? 1357 to 1453. It is a long time ago, isn't it? This is a long time ago, yes. Do you think they had Mix Masters back then? Yep. They also had Mix Master Mike from the Beastie Boys.

Yeah. He's an old soul. There was a series of truces, but overall it lasted for five generations of kings from the two sides, who were fighting for the throne of the largest kingdom in Western Europe. And it was a bitter conflict with both sides hating each other's guts, and the conflict permanently changed warfare in Europe. Because it went for so long, it is hard to summarise, but it all began principally because King Edward III of England

and King Philip the 6th of France, escalated a dispute that became a battle for the French crown. When King Charles IV of France died in 1328, the nearest male relative was his nephew, King Edward III of England. Oh, that's good. I thought I was going to be Ralph of Wisconsin. No, that's a couple of years later. Okay.

But the French nobility preferred Charles's cousin Philip, and they were both like, I'm the king. But the English king is already king? Yeah, King of England. So give it to someone else. You got England. Give him a go. Give someone else a go.

Oh, I've got to be king of both, are you? That fucking rude. Does that mean that would have brought the two kingdoms together? Yes. Wow. And that's basically what the English are pushing for for this 100 years. They both wanted the top job and it kicked off all the fighting. And after several decades of relative peace,

the English resumed the war in 1415. So I've skipped over a lot. That's the start of why it kicked off. Then there's a few other disputes. But then we got a bit of peace, but then the English resumed the war in 1415 amid the failure of negotiations with the French. By this time, they were led,

this is England, by King Henry V, who himself was a great warrior and led his army at a very famous battle, the Battle of Arjun Corps. Ah, yes. Very famous battle. Yeah, I love that one. Very...

Be in my top three battles, I reckon. Yeah, yep, yep. Well, I wondered the other two were coming up because it took place in northern France on the 25th of October 1415, which is St. Crispin Day. Ah, Crispin Day. Ah, St. Crispin Day. Tis replied, and Helga.

The same day on which other famous battles have taken place, including the charge of the Light Brigade in the Crimean War in 1854, which I... Great song. We'll definitely do a report on one day. Is that a song? Or a great battle. Great charge.

Oh, great charge. There's a famous poem. Great poem. Great poem. I believe it's a bit of Tennyson. Great poet. Great poet. Also taking place on that day is the Battle of Late,

the Battle of Lake Golf in 1944. Oh, you've got to make your tea off time. Considered to be the largest naval battle of World War II, possibly the largest naval battle ever. Wow. So all three of these things took place on the same day, which is pretty cool. Same day. Well, all on St. Christman Day.

saying Crispin Day. Celebrating Crispin Glover's performance in Back to the Future One. Great work. I prefer to celebrate his work in Charlie's Angels. Also great work. In which he hated the dialogue so much because it sucked. But he said, I'm actually just going to play this character quiet. This character is not going to speak.

Love it. And he doesn't. Wow. That's a beautiful choice. That is a weak director. Okay. Yeah, sure, no worries, all right. That's all right.

Yeah, let's not worry about it. Shakespeare also immortalised the war. This is Argentin. In the St. Crispin's Day speech in his play, Henry V, where the title character pumps up his men who are vastly outnumbered the night before the battle. And the title character is... Henry Five. Oh, okay.

Also known as Henry V. Henry V. V for Victory. It's the one. Oh, spoilers. Well, it's such a great speech. Just a couple of the lines here. he says, so they're outnumbered it.

He says, the fewer men, the greater share of honour. Oh. That's badass. That is badass. I like that. And if it is a sin to covet honour, then I am the most offending soul alive. Oh. Okay.

I'm proud of it, which is another sin. Yeah, exactly. And we few, we happy few, we band of brothers. And that's where the phrase band of brothers comes from. Oh. Which went on to be a dire straits album. Is it? Is that a thing?

It's a movie? My movie. A HBO series. Brothers in arms. It's the Dias Straight album. But also in this speech he says, we three, Sultans of Swing. Honestly, very influential. Well, Dyer Strait's joke, did not know I had that in me.

Anyway, so it's just a cool speech. Anyway, in the play, in the play, Henry V pumps them up. Whether he did that or not, we're not sure. But he did win the Battle of Argentor, which resulted in an unexpected English victory against the much larger French army and boosted English morale and prestige

and resulted in a crippling of France and started a new period of English dominance in the war. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Well done, Band of Brothers. Henry V then conquered Normandy in 1417 to 1418 and then attempted to have himself crowned as the future king of France

by the Treaty of Troy, definitely saying that wrong, which was an agreement that stated that Henry would become king of France when the current king, Charles X, died. Okay, and then Charles X is like, easy, I just never die. Yeah, I'll live forever.

Which, honestly, he's known as the Mad King because of his serious mental illness and psychotic episodes that plagued him, so he probably believed that. Easy peasy. It's a funny deal to make, because they just fought us for control of stuff. Why would we trust?

Yeah, that's right. Now, when I die, you can have it. Yeah. Why would you trust that? And he did Henry then married King Charles's daughter, Catherine de Valois. He was like, all right, I'll marry your daughter. And then in like five to ten years when you've picked it. I'll marry your daughter.

I'll be king, she'll be queen and I'll be king of both places. That was the plan. So it was agreed that Henry would inherit the throne. And he probably would have, and it probably would have possibly ended, I say probably, possibly ended the entire 100 years war. If something major didn't happen. Okay. He died.

Oh, that's major. Yeah, I'd call that relatively major. In his life. In his life. That's right, yeah. For somebody else that day, they were having a great day. Yeah. You know, someone on the other side of the planet, it was the best day of their life.

You know, isn't that crazy? Yes. Right now, right now, we're sitting in my living room. It's a nice day. But somewhere, someone is having the worst day their life. Someone sitting in the living room having a shit one. Yeah. Terrible time.

Probably no blue skies for them. Sitting there with their two enemies. Unlike us. two friends who we're sitting with right here. What if I told you that I was the one sitting in the living room with two enemies? That's not possible, Dave. You're here with us. Dave, what have you got against the pot plants?

Yeah, I've really tried to incorporate some greenery. Yeah, all right. Great work. Yes, thank you. I thought you were talking gibberish. No, I got that from a comic book, a comic, follow on Instagram, I forget what it's called, but it's about, like, it's all about heads. Heads.

And they had, like, dressing up your pop plants for Halloween. And I said, like, Frankenstein's Monsteria. Ah, that's good. And now I'm like, oh, that's what those things are. That is. That is a pun. That's a pun. That's a pun.

That's a pun. That's a pun. Finally, we finally got there. Finally. And finally a practical example in your life. So, Henry V's died suddenly of dysentery. before he who become king of France. Dysentry's not a good way to go.

Oh, no. You're shitting yourself. Shitting yourself to death in a trench. And his heir was his son, Henry the 6th, who was crowned king of England at just nine months of age. What? A nine month old king. And we don't have a cartoon series about that?

Baby king. Are you kidding me? We have boss baby, but not king baby? The original boss baby. That's fun and, you know, a lot of pressure. I imagine, yeah, do they, are they taking? orders from the baby? Yeah, they are. Because isn't the idea that

it's a divine thing, it's coming from God. So they'd be like, oh, we've got to do what this baby says, and the baby wants numb-n-num, so... Baby needs tummy time. Everyone, tummy time for all. While still a child, several others ruled for him as a regency council, so he

had like a team of advisors, a lot of relatives. They were the ones giving him skin-on-skin contact. Very important in those early days. That's right. That's actually when he was a teenager, they were still doing it. That's where the saying, you rule comes from, because it's what he said to them. So you guys rule, and then that sort of caught on. That's the power of a king.

Yeah. It's gone out of fashion now, but big in the 90s. It peaked in the 90s, but it started in the 1400s. That's right. It took 500 years to peak. It was a slow curve up. Now, a rapid dip down. You hardly ever hear anyone say that things rule.

Yeah. Let's bring it back. I'm bringing it back. Dave, that rules. Thank you. Jackson Bailey from San Francisco. Pants, Radio, still a big user of that rules. That rules?

He's been keeping that... I thought Jackson can pull that off. Yeah, only Jackson. But I reckon maybe strength in numbers, we can. I'll try, but, you know, no promises. You know, quite that level of cool. You know what? You trying would rule.

Oh, I hated that. And that rules. I love that one. Okay. Wow. The graph's going up and down. You know, that's progress. So he's a baby king

Other people who were ruling for And making his decisions He properly inherited the crown at the age of 16 In 1437 Still young, hey And would it surprise you that he was a terrible king That does surprise me I think I would have been an extra ruler at 16

Was making good choices I gotta say loving this report on Joan of Arc Yeah This is all context That's what I mean I love context I think context rules he was a terrible king

Unlike his father who was confident and a great fighter Henry the 6th was an absolute useless wuss A real woozy boy Dave were you sort of starting to relate a bit more That's why I'm bringing this character up Bring Wusses back That's what I'm trying to bring back Yeah

Let Wusses rule But importantly he was also crowned king of France But this was of course disputed by his mother's brother Uncle Charles the 6th Uncle Charles Who said He said Unkey Chunky said I should be king.

He couldn't say Chucky. He couldn't. He was a baby. It was a baby king. Of 16 he still couldn't speak properly. Unkey Chunky. So he's crowned King of France. He's like, all right, I'm King of France.

And then Charles is like, no, I'm the old other king's son. I'm King of France. So it was back on in the 100 years war. Wait, but they're both on the same. Oh, right. So the France guy... The French guy wants to be in charge of France. The French uncle comes in and goes, no, I'm in charge.

Because his dad said, oh, when I die, the English can have it. But now the guy he said, Henry V who could have it, died. So Charles's son is like, no. I imagine France would not have loved their king going, yeah, we'll stay French as long as I'm alive. And then whatever. Yeah, then after, who cares? Who cares? I'm dead.

Yeah. And France's like, well, a lot of us will still be alive. Don't care. I'm dead. I'm dead. And I'm going to heaven because I'm kidding. So back on over the 100 years war Because this now they're both claiming that they are king again And for a while after the Battle of Arjunctur

The tide went the way of the English It's almost like the French needed a secret weapon Oh Okay, bazooka? Yes Is this when atomic bombs were invented? Yes, it is. No, enter one of the most famous names

In all of human history, Joan of Arc Okay I mean you say that we know what the topic is So we were expecting Joan to be mentioned at some point. Here she is. How does the name work? Is surnames Arc, middle name of? Or is surname of Arc or first name Joan of?

It's actually very difficult to say because they didn't use surnames as commonly as they do now. So there's debate about, because she's not from Arc. Right. They're like, is that her surname is Arc? So there's actually quite a bit of debate over that historically. Okay. When was it first used as a name, Joan of Arc? Drona Bark.

For a long time, she's been known as Joan De Alck. But she just called herself La Pusel or The Maid. That was her name for herself. So where Joan come from? Well, that is her birth name, though. Born around 1412. So she was like you trying to start a nickname. She was like, hey, what's up?

I'm the maid. And they're like, all right, Joan. The maid's pretty good nickname. All right, Joan. And you're like, hey, it's me, Cobra. And everyone's like, whatever day. All right, Joan. All right, Joan.

Can I call you Joan? So she's born around... Yes, you absolutely can call me Joan. I love that. Better than spoons. Spoonie. Oh, he spoon it? Born around 1412,

Jean de Arc, or in English, Joan of Arc, was the daughter of a tenant farmer with an incredible name. Jacques de Arc. Oh, that is good. Jacques de Arc. So her dad was Avark. Yeah. So maybe that's why she got the Avark.

Yeah, but then there's also debate about that. Whether he's from Avark, He's a Jacques or a Jacques Orb or... Jack. My favourite version, Jacques de Arc. Jacques de Arc.

It's very good. They lived in the village of Dom Remy in northeastern France and owned a 50 acre farm. Dom Remy, Fasolati do. Farm. What note was that?

Farm. That's me going, I'll go high, then going no, go low. And then my voice being like, nah, you'll go wrong. I've fucked you there, right?

You meant to do that so far thing up and down maybe? And I just kept going up and then you... No, that's how it goes. It's all up. I mean, it's a scale. Right. Well, I'm, you know, I'm self-taught with music stuff, so... Do ramie fasto latido.

Oh, it does look good. And then you either go down. Also, reading my report, I've written... They lived in North East and France and I owned a 50-acre arm. That's a big... Wow. That's fucking huge, man. That's huge.

You should get that checked. What, 58, my God. And what a weird measurement for an arm. It's a 50-acre arm. Okay. Farm. That's ridiculous. Joan never learned to read or write.

But her mother, her mother, her mother, Isabel Ramey, was extremely pious and instilled in her daughter a deep love for the Catholic Church and its teachings. These beliefs would drive her entire life. Okay. Henry the 6th, the Baby King, took the throne in 1422 at nine months when Joan... The potty, Dave. Babies don't use thrones.

Straight to the potty. It's solid gold, though. We're doing like training. Do we do like... Throne training. Sorry, we're just... We're throne training for the moment, so it might be an accident or two.

We're getting into shit into a crowd. But he's doing all right. He's doing pretty well. He's all pretty well. I can read him. I know when he needs to shoot. Apparently when he was a baby, like his teachers and advisors had to get a special law

written by the Regency Council to say that they wouldn't get in trouble later for telling him off because they were worried that like later, like I'm telling this eight-year-old, I'm his teacher, I've got to teach him how to be a king or basic school stuff, but I've also got to be able to punish him.

But I'm worried that later on he'll come back and cut my head off for this. So there's a special thing saying, oh no, no, you can tell the king off. Wow. Because he's a child. A bit fun? He's a baby king

He's a baby If they're I mean, yeah That's amazing They were that afraid They have to change the laws Then they're probably not going hard on him anyway No yeah

Three plus three 17 Yeah that's great Yeah Well done You are the smartest boy alive Sit fine on my cloak That's fine

I love this game In fact It's not okay It's wonderful I actually Yeah I was hoping it would Get ashy Thank you my lord

Thank you May I have another So the Baby King took the throne at nine months old in 1422 And that was when Joan was around 10 So I've gone back in time just a little bit Yeah Now during this time England occupied much of northern France And many in Jones Village

Were forced to abandon their homes Under threat of invasion The English were allied With the Duky of Burgundy Or duchy of Burgundy And they had control of the north of France Henry's armies were in alliance with those of Philip the good

who's the Duke of Burgundy You're going to have to trust this guy But his father was John the Fearless Oh That's pretty cool John the Fearless is fantastic John the Fearless had been assassinated in 1419

By needed a bit more fear Well he was taken out by people Associated with Charles the 7th So that's why they hate That's why they're like We're on the side of the English Even though we're close to France Because you killed my dad

Right That's interesting Yeah, so I wonder what kind of ongoing effect the English occupation has on current France because I know the French and the other way when the Normans came over England it changed a lot of their language. The English language was changed a lot.

I wonder if there was some sort of effect in reverse. Probably not something you've looked into, but... Well, I imagine the effect would be much more if the war didn't turn out a certain way, which we'll find out about. Sizzle. Most of Jones Village, however, favoured. So there's the English

An ally with the Burgundians. Yep. Most of Joan's village, however, favoured the Armagnac faction and Charles VIII, who claimed to be the king, and they ruled the South. So there's sort of a divide in France at this time.

Joan, and her village was right in the middle of the conflict zone. She later said her village was, quote, a place where children literally fought children, some of them coming back, wounded and bloodied. Jeez. That's not ideal, is it? So, yeah, it's a pretty tumultuous place to be. The main problem for the guy she favours,

Favours, Charles V the 7th, was despite claiming to be king for five years, by 1427, he still hadn't been crowned. This is because in Rham or Reims, as English people say, the traditional place for the investiture of French kings was well within the territory held by his enemies. So as long as he remained unconsecrated, the rightfulness of the claim to be king of France was open to challenge. But he couldn't be crowned king because the place where you get crowned is in enemy territory.

And there's someone else who's the king, right? The baby. Well, he's claiming to be king as well, yeah. Yeah, so, and the baby has been crowned? I mean, the baby crowned early on, you know, hopefully. Very early on. After not too long of a, what do you call it? I don't know. When someone gives birth? Labor?

Labor. crowning is when the head pokes out. That would have been better if I could have got to the labour word. Don't worry, I'll fix it in post. Thank you. Yeah, so Henry the 6th, he has declared himself king in his way, but the French way... Cool, garca. But the French way, we've got to go to this special place to be consecrated, but we can't get there.

Right. And so everyone else is like, well, mate, you haven't even been to the place where you be crowned king, so I guess you're not even king. Yeah, that would, I mean, that's true. It's like, oh, yeah, I'm also king. I just haven't made it there yet. We're all king, sure. Yeah.

And they're like, because you've got to go there. So, because it's like a holy place where God basically declares you king. And they're like, well, mate, you can't even get here to be declared king. So I don't think you've got God on your side. Yeah, that's exactly. Wouldn't that be like, oh, yeah, God? Yeah, God's with you. Yeah, he's just for some reason working in mysterious ways again, is he?

All right, mate. Yeah. And that really leaves you open to like a lot of challenge. Yeah. People really only say God works in mysterious ways when bad things happen, don't they? Like nobody wins a billion dollars and goes, bloody hell, God works a mysterious way or something. They say, yeah, I guess you're like, well, God looked after me today.

It's only when, like, someone dies too young and people say, well, he works in mysterious ways. Yeah. It's like it's a comforting yourself kind of thing. I think, yeah, I think we should start saying it for every. everything. Yeah. I'm hungry. God works in serious ways.

Yeah. What do I that could be? Maybe because you haven't eaten for a while. No. It's a mystery. Mystery. We'll never know. At the age of 13, the extremely religious Joan of Arc started to hear voices.

The first time she was in her garden and later described it as the voice came from the right, from the direction of the church and was accompanied by a bright light. Oh, this is just like Paul, who was Saul. He heard the voice. Yeah, he heard the voice and got the light in his eyes. You'd hear that and you'd be like, oh no, I'm about to go blind. Yeah. Yeah, because this isn't a post-saw world.

Yeah. This isn't a post-saw after Paul. This is ages after Saul's time, I think. Saul was early days. Yeah. This is a PSW. Post-Saw wars. Yeah.

Sometimes the ringing of church bells seem to encourage the vision to speak or voices to speak through visions to Joan. Okay. The first voice she heard was that of St. Michael. And soon she began to hear from St. Catherine and St. Margaret as well. Wow. And do they introduce themselves to her? Hey.

Hey, Michael here. You know, like they do when after a footy game and the commentators back in the commentary box are interviewing the footballer and they're like, hey, Jared Waitley, great game. Is it like that? Only St. Michael here. Love what you're doing in the garden. Maybe it's more like when you have a dream and you are somebody else

or there's like a face you don't know but you know that's your mum and your dream. Maybe it's like that. Yeah, that makes sense. Where she's just like, well, I know that's St. Michael. Well, if St. Michael's contacting you, you'll just know. Imagine if St. Catherine and St. Margaret had very similar voices and you're like, sorry. Which one's speaking now? I can't tell.

Sorry. But from what you heard, Joan determined they'd been sent by God. God to give her an extremely important mission. That is, Joan's purpose on earth was to save France by expelling its enemies, i.e. the English and the Burgundians, and then installed Charles VIII as the rightful king of France. She took a vow of chastity at that moment and apparently avoided a marriage her father attempted to arrange when she was 16.

Yeah, well, that makes sense. If you're told by some Michael, et cetera, to not get married, I think that would be married. overalls dad. Sorry, dad. Sorry, dad. I'm sorry,

are you saint dad? Yeah, last time I checked, you're not Saint dad. Yeah. You're not St. Dad. You're not saying anything.

Yeah. I will not go to my room because St. Michael didn't tell me to. You are irrelevant. Hang on. St. Michael's telling me to go to my room.

Sorry, Michael. Sorry, Michael. Off I go right now. According to live science, never sure which way to say that one. Modern day medical doctors. Generally?

Sure. lot of science. But they're so obsessed with science. Remember, they live science. Oh, my God. I've never considered that. What's live about it? Oh, my God.

Maybe it's live science. It's like in excesses live baby live or live baby live. They sing live baby live, but the live album is called live baby live, right? That's confusing. Or is it live baby live still? I don't know. It should be live baby live live live live. That would clear it up.

But can it be live live live? Baby Live. Can it be Live Baby Live? Oh, it could be. Or live baby live. Oh my God. Oh, my brain hurts. Anyway, according to Live Life Science, Live Life Learn.

Modern day medical doctors have speculated that Joan may have suffered from a medical condition such as schizophrenia or a form of epilepsy which made her hear voices. But people always try and speculate and diagnose historical figures centuries after their deaths. I choose to believe. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, if she didn't back it up. then maybe.

But it feels like everything that they tell her is right, isn't it? Well, let's find out. In 1428, at the age of 16, one of Jones' visions told her to leave her village and go deep into France to meet the Dolphan,

which is the title given to Charles the 7th. It's kind of like heir to the throne. It's given to the king's oldest son. Did you say the dolphin? The dophan. The dophan. But it's very similar to... What does that mean?

Dolphin. It's very similar to dolphin. In fact, when you... Very intelligent animals. Yeah. Beautiful animals, very intelligent. Ears, yeah, they are very intelligent. They are, they also, they also have sex with fun. It's just them and humans.

Yeah, so... And when you translate dolphin... And others as well. I think they're finding more and more all the time. When you translate dolphin into French, it is Dauphin. Can you believe that? And Dauphine, the feminine. So it is...

It does mean dolphin. Yes, but then it also means this title. Yeah, okay. But I'm not sure. sure that's related. That's a linguistics question. Holy shit. I know French and I didn't even realize it.

Isn't that amazing? You heard Dauphin and thought dolphin. Yeah. Isn't that wild? That is pretty wild. Actually, Sir Michael said, yeah, I know French. So that's sick. That's awesome.

Thank you. Imagine if you were speaking English to her this whole time. She's like, hang on, hang on. Got to go get Google translate. Yeah, I have no idea what you're talking about. Why are you speaking English, Michael? You were from not England. Yeah, that's right.

So, I know my sense. Not England, that's for sure. Yeah, I'm ruling out England. I'll rule out Australia. Yeah. New Zealand, put a line through that. Yep. I reckon Michael's probably from somewhere.

He was one of the apostles. Is that Michael? Michael was an apostle? Was he? I think so. I mean, there's probably more than once than Michael, though. But I'm guessing he's from the Jerusalem region. And they spoke very little English back then.

Back in the year zero to 33, whatever part of that period it was. I thought I was talking to the religious slash French expert here. Well, I did do religious education all the way to year 10. All the way to year 10. There was a time, I've told this story before. There was once in primary school, the teacher said, all right, we want to put it. Everyone put a name in this hat.

We need more priests. So everyone put a name in this hat of someone you think could be a good priest and we'll all pray that these people become priests. And it was people in your lives or people in the class? I think it was just people in our lives. See, what? And I was sort of, there was a bit of a, there was some, they were, it did feel like they were saying, put your names in there. And so I put my name in there and prayed that I'd become a priest. But I mean, it feels like the kind of thing you don't need to pray.

you just, I'm in control of that. You can absolutely decide on that. But that day, I think I wanted. What a strange recruitment choice. Yeah. Well, it's similar to giving people a CD and making and watch a movie. Yeah, true. Can I ask what your job is now?

Priest. Well, that'll be. Holy shit, I never connected the two. Yeah, you did that. Yeah. You prayed that. Holy shit is right. And you can say that.

We can't say that. Sorry, sorry. I was quoting you. Yeah, that's, otherwise it's sacrilege. So in 1428, age of 16, Jones' vision told her to leave her village, go to France, deep into the country to meet the dauphin. Dolphin.

Meet the dolphin. She'd been practicing for agents. Mad a thousand noises stuck again. Rub his blowhole and see what happens. Anyway, led by the voices of her saints, Joan traveled in May 1428 from her village to the nearest stronghold where the military still loyal to the dauphin was stationed. She asked the captain of the garrison, Robert, Baudricor for permission to join the Dofan.

He laughed off the 16-year-old's claims of visions and her divine purpose, and Joan went back home. Very sad. He just laughed it off. Yeah, she's like, I need to talk to the king. I've been sent by God. I've had visions, and he's like, okay. All right, kid.

That would be brutal. Go back home. How old is she at this point? She's 16. Yeah, okay. But Joan had a higher purpose in life, and it wasn't going to take no for an answer, and she went back to the garrison in January 14, Because I mean if you're getting, if St. Michael and others, Margaret included, are coming to you,

you don't just go, well, this guy laughed at me, I'll give up. You go, well, this is my divine right or my, like, this is what I meant to do. You can't really go back to those saints and be like, it didn't go well. Didn't pan out. So thank you. I did try. But bye. So you got, are you guys often wrong?

Yeah. Because it seems you might be wrong here. Could you stop talking to me now? Could you know? I dried. You can't do that. No. You go, Saints, I've let you down, but I'll go again.

You'd assume they'd say something like, hey, we saw that coming. That's all part of it. It's part of it. Yeah. Got to work some mysterious ways. Yep. That's ex. Yes.

For some reason. They laughed out of a garrison. Part of the plan is you get laughed at. Yeah. But that makes you stronger. I mean, knowing that means you probably aren't going to be made stronger. Anyway, whatever. So just go again.

Or, you know, Dave, you take it from here, but yeah, that's basically... And she went again in January to quote from Britannica here, which, Matt, I'm sure you read this article. Well, this is a bit one-sided. I want to hear from French Attica. Let the record show. Just give me a thumbs up. And I'm back in...

It doesn't look patronising, though. No, it wasn't patronising. That was a good one. So a quote from Britannica with apologies. But I've actually got a French website coming out. Fantastic. Had you read that. Had you read that.

You do no French. I know. I know a little. La little. Oh, the little. To quote from Britannica, this time her quiet firmness and piety gained her the respect of the people and the captain persuaded that she was neither a witch nor feeble-minded,

allowed her to go to the dofarn at Xenon. That's the only two things women could be. Feeble-minded? Yeah. No. I don't think so. Or a witch. Or a witch.

Which one are you? Fable mind. Okay. Come on, mate. Whatever. Me, a witch. That's what a witch would say. Damn it.

Got ourselves a witch. All right. Chuck her into the water. Let's see if she floats. Joan was able to attract a small band of followers who believed her claims to be the Virgin who, according to a popular prophecy, was destined to save France. So they're already like, all right. This kid could be the real deal.

Oh, that's fantastic. So it had been foretold. Yeah, apparently in that part of the world, they were waiting for this, and they're like, I think this could be her. So, she was allowed to go. It's at this point that Joan famously cropped her hair and began to dress in what was traditionally men's clothing. Accompanied by six armed men, she travelled for 11 days on horseback, often through enemy territory. How big were the arms? About 50 acres?

Wow. Really big. Honestly, I'll say it again. Get that checked. That's massive. You can't live like that. Yeah, that's swelling there. That's, yeah.

It's not a tumour. Yeah. We put a leach on that. Yeah. We'll get that started for you. Real nice. What size arm you're hoping for? We'll either save your life or you will die tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Choice is yours. Better than having a 50-acre arm. What are these men's clothes she's wearing sort of like cut off cargo shorts? Yeah. Yeah, like... Boots. Boots.

A cobra. A bingtang singlet. This is what I think men wear. Yeah. One of the male ones, you can get women's size, tin tanks. She's wearing oakles or folklease. A wraparound. Wrap around.

Why? She just... This is what men means to me, apparently. This is what my brain goes to when I think, men, okay, men now, what do... What's a man? Look, I'm looking across a Dave. You could look at yourself. You're both wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

Men, now. What the men wear? Men wear. Button-up shirts. Yes. Hold a briefcase. A tie. Yeah.

Was this sort of thing? Dress shoes. Some mix of these two. Was it businessman or was it weekend men? Yeah. Was it Barley Man? He was Barley Man. Barley Man.

Bintangs and Borties. Yeah. What a superhero that would be. And knock off Haviana flip flops. Oh, she was flipping and flopping all over that horse. Terrible horse riding shoes. Oh yeah, not good. It was clipping and clopping.

She was flipping and flopping. I saw a woman the other day on a bike with one of little trailers on the back that had two kids in it. Two. So she's on a bike, two kids in a little trailer on the back, and she's wearing flip-flops. She's wearing thongs. Wow.

On a bike. That's good work. Towing some kids. That's badass. I was like, yeah. Towing with the toes out. That's absolutely wild. I was like, you are my hero, but also I hate you.

Those toes go on the spokes. You're losing a toe. Yeah. What are you doing? I have no a friend of a friend of mine. No. Yeah. No.

Yeah. Lost a toe. Lost a toe. on the Spokes. I got double... Have you ever been double-unplugged? I got double. I was walking up a wet hill.

He's talking about wearing thongs. Yes, I'm with you now, yep. And... Some reason a wet hill got me there. Both. Wet hill in thongs, no. Yeah, no. It's already silly.

And both, like, both came out at once, and I face-planted. That's impressive, actually. Yeah, you get one... But you know how sometimes you can't get them back in? Could you get them back in? Could you reclunk? Good, but they're weakened. It's like dislocating a shoulder.

Yeah. After you do it once, it's going to go again. Yeah. Ironically, did you dislocate your shoulder? Yes. You weakened everything that day. Double unplugged. Yeah, it never happened to me before.

I'm like, I'd fallen. I'm like, that's embarrassing. But what a beautiful moment. Double unplugged. I've only been unplugged once and it was recent. Right. And only one, sadly. But yeah, I was like, it finally happened.

Finally, I was so excited. Couldn't fix it. Had to buy new ones. That is annoying actually. Full blowout. Yeah. That's a blowout, double blowout. This doesn't need explanation.

Flip-flops, thongs. Yeah, I've used flip-flops fairly interchangeably there. And they've got the little jandles. Jandles, yeah. Because, yeah, I know Americans in the past have been confused they're thinking we're talking about G-stream. I've also had a double blowout on a G-blower. That's hard to do.

Anyway, so accompanied by six-armed men. she travelled for 11 days on horseback through enemy territory travelling over 300 miles in total they only moved at night avoided towns and at times went through the wilderness but finally they reached the castle at Shignon

this was a time when a woman wearing men's clothing or vice versa was considered to be a big sin many have speculated why Jane of cut her hair and wore what was traditionally men's clothing because like I said it's a very famous part in her story imagine that being a sin like clothing that you wear Yeah, what do you think this benevolent god is about?

Yeah. You think they're worried about clothes? You have to wear clothes that match your genitals. It's super odd. It's so weird, isn't it? I've heard people speculate why. A couple of reasons. One is might have been easier to ride a horse dressed in those clothing.

Oh, God's worried about that. But it's like it's fairly recent where women have been acceptably able to wear trousers, like pants of any kind. Not in my house. If you ever rock up in pants of my house, Jess. Matt does make me wear a little petticoat every time and a big skirt.

You'll have to put on the house skirt. So keep by the door. Help myself to one of the house skirts. But those pants are off, young lady. You know what I mean? Like, it's fairly recent. So this is 500 years ago or whatever. Like, it is pretty wild that she's wearing men's clothing.

I have heard many speculations. Some people say she might have done for the horse, maybe just to blend in because she was going through a treacherous journey. Also, possibly, to avoid being assaulted by men that they come across. Also, the men that she's traveling with. Yep. I've heard of females. Oh, great.

Yeah. So I'm not assaulted by the enemies or the people I'm with. Yeah. Seriously. Awful. Oh my God. What did the church bells mean to her? She can hear from St. Michael.

I'm not sure if the mics are picking up, but there is a church bell ringing very close to us right now. What's he saying? Saying... To go on. Please do go on. That's what I'm hearing. Yeah, please do go on.

Stop faffing about and get on with it. Something like that. I don't know if that's what you're getting. Yeah. It's in French, but I understand it. Saying I'm loving this report. You two. Stop interrupting.

It's annoying. I love all of you. I feel nothing but love and wear whatever you like. Yeah. Also, St. Michael's a hack. Yeah, you did have that. All right, mate. Yeah.

There's rivalries amongst the saints. Oh, he's saying, please call me Tony. Yeah. On your train. St. Anthony was my father. I'm St. Tony. Okay, so she got to the castle, and her mission was to see the king and convince him of her missions.

We will never know what happened at Chignon. It is one of the abiding mysteries of history, writes Marina Warner, Professor of University of Essex in her book, Joan of Arc, the image of female heroism. But there is a common story, told a few different ways, but it goes a little something like this. The Dofan Charles was initially uncertain whether to receive her when she first arrived. His counsellors gave him conflicting advice, but two days later he granted her an audience. Some people were like, don't see her, she's the devil. And other people were like, the prophecy is being foretold.

So eventually he's like, all right, send her in. But as a test to see if she was the real deal, Charles hid himself amongst his courtiers and a different man was presented to her as king. When she met the imposter, she immediately pointed out, no, that is not the king. She then went up to the real King Charles, dressed as a normal man,

and introduced herself possibly bowing at his feet. This feels like a Shakespeare script. Pretty cool. Being like, no, you're an imposter. They're like, no, that's the king. She said, this is the king. And they said, no, this is just a normal man. And then she bowed at his feet and he was like, okay, I am the king.

Oh, that's great. I think Queen Armadala pulled a thing like that in one of the Star Wars prequels as well. Wow. Yeah. I'll ripped off Joan of Arc. That's sick. I mean, and it's not like now you'd be like, yeah, well, I've seen him on the telly. Obviously, that's not him.

That's him. But back then, she probably would have only ever. seen paintings at most? Yeah. And maybe not even? At most, no. To be honest, probably not even, no. Yeah.

You wouldn't know. So for her to know that is pretty, I mean, that's another sign that she's legit. She's sent. And to them, that would have proved it. But Charles was still uncertain. Okay, not quite. On the Dofans order, she was interrogated by ecclesiastical authorities and examined to prove that she was still a virgin.

Oh my God. Horrific. She was then taken to Portier for three weeks where she was further questioned by eminent theologians to verify her morality. So like gave her a bunch of questions to prove that she was the real deal. What kind of question you're thinking about? What would you question me to check my morality?

Oh Dave, what would you? What would you? What kind of questions would you ask? Are you the devil? No. Okay. Any follow-ups? Are you evil?

No. Are you good? Yeah. How good? Real good. Real good. Okay. Do you want to kill the king with me right now?

Yep. Nah. Got her. Take her away. Also take me away because I said it'll kill the king. I got distracted looking up because I was pretty sure it was Kira Knightley who played. Kira Knightley and Natalie Portman. They looked so similar at the time.

Yeah, it's a pretty good double. Actually, yeah, goddamn. Really similar. It looked really similar. Yeah, right. I didn't realize, yeah, I didn't realize that was pre-Kirinitelly fame. Yeah. So that's where I went.

Just then, I was like, I'm pretty sure it's Kieranightly, but I don't want to say it's Kieran-Otly. Because you were looking at me while I asked the question, and I thought you were listening. Nah. And then you just sort of get... I was not listening. So Jess, what you've mainly missed is they interrogated her to prove she's the real deal. She said, she answered their question, but she said she would give proof of her claims of divinity,

not with them now but in Ollion, a city in north central France that for months had been under siege by English forces. The consensus at the time was that if Ollion fell to the English, all of France would fall. Very important strategic city. So it was really, really important in the scheme of the decades-long war, and at this point the English had been winning for months. It looked like they were going to take the city.

Again from Britannica. In their report, the churchman suggested, this is the people that have been interviewing her, that in view of the desperate situation of Ollion, which had been under siege by England for months, the Dofahn would be well advised to make use of her. A.K.A. basically, shit is so bad, we may as well roll the dice on this teenage kid.

Honestly, let's give her a go. She seems all right. She seems all right. We don't really have any other plans. She could identify the king. Yeah. That's impressive. Pretty good.

She said she wasn't bad when I asked. Yeah. I don't think the devil would be able to lie. No. I think the devil's like a cop. They got to tell you if you ask him. Yeah, if you ask. You're undercover a cop?

You undercover a devil? You got to say. They've got to say. They've got to say it. If they say it later, it's like massive dick move. It was really annoying when that happened for this cop who was undercovering the mafia for seven years. And then... They never thought to ask.

They never thought. And then the Don finally went, you're a cop? And he had to say, yeah. Sorry, what? The Don was looking through his paperwork. He was like, oh, we've never thought. We've actually not got a form saying you're not a cop. Yeah.

Isn't that funny? You're asking on day one. I'm really embarrassed. Yeah, I'm so sorry. Let's just get this out of the way. Honestly, formality. We've known each other for years like you are. I'm the godfather and you're the godfather to my grandchild.

So, this is very nice. So are you a cop? Oh, no. Well, the rules are I have to answer this. Yeah, it's a bad day for everyone. You're going to kill me though, I know. You got me. You got me.

Donvito. I am a cop. I am a cop. I got so close to the end. I got so close to the end. Oh God, we've got to kill him, take him out. I'm so disappointed. Anyway, it's been fun.

Been fun playing mafia with you. All right. So, she said, I want to go to Ali on, and then she asked for an army, and the dofahn gave it to her. She was also given a military... How big was the army? Fifty acres. She was given a military household of several men and a squire,

so your dad, John, would be happy, Joe. I forgot you were very much aware of Dad, Cooley. Everybody's Squire. I think he's not good with names. You know, Squire? You know what Squire is a young nobleman acting as an attendant to a knight before becoming a knight himself? Yeah.

I didn't know that. It's not a bad thing. Kind of a junior knight. Yeah, right. So next time, John, if you're listening, if you call me Knight, that would be very nice. Sir, Sir, Dave. No, Dave, you're still master. Yes, I am.

So you are a squire. Definitely a squire, a young squire. Matt is a sir. Sir Dave a lot. You are a lot. You're a bit much. Sir Dave, a bit much. So Dave, a little less would be great.

So Dave, got you about a nine or a ten. Could we get you down to about a four? So Joan had her standard, which is a little image that she takes with her, painted with an image of Christ in judgment and a banner made bearing the name of Jesus. She was asked if she would like a sword and she declared that it would be found in the Church of St. Catherine de Fabois and Britannica records that one was in fact discovered there. Pretty cool. They said, do you want a sword?

She goes, check that church. That's where you'll find my sword. And they're like, ah, we've actually got one, yeah. That's pretty cool. Pretty cool. And churches would normally just have a sword handy. Yeah, maybe. I don't know.

But it's sort of like saying, did you want a Bible? Oh, well, go have a look in that church over there. I think you'll find one. A Bible, yeah? Mine's in that motel's top drawer In the bedside table I decide There's also a couple of bickies

Yeah It once belonged to the Gideons Several hundred men were mustard And they set out for Ollion Which had been besieged for six months And was almost totally surrounded By a ring of English strongholds One story from Live Live Science

Recounts that she wasn't in charge of the force But rather it was led by Count Dunaire who initially ignored Jones' advice. She wanted to attack, but he was keen to sneak his force around the English. Oh, ring around the ringer. Sort of play it cool for a while. See what's going on. Jones succeeded in making a believer out of the count

when he found his force stranded beside a riverbank, unable to bring supplies to Olyon across barge because the wind was against them. She also said, is this your card? And he said, oh my God, it is. Is this your bard? That's a pun. Yes. She told the count,

I am bringing you better help than ever you got from any soldier or any city. It is the help of the king of heaven. That's great. I always find it interesting when God will take sides in country v country battles. Actually, that's a good point. He's got a problem with the English at this point, obviously. Yeah, well, obviously there's only one rightful king. Yeah, okay.

He's only chosen one. That's true. You've got to choose a side. And he's chosen in her mind, the Charles of 7th. So she said, I'm bringing in help of the King of Heaven. The Count later claimed at that moment the wind changed direction, allowing his force and supplies to cross into Allion. Right.

It's just another story. And then from then on, he was like, all right, she's legit. I'll listen to this woman. I'm saying he for God, because the most recent representation of God I've seen was in the film bedazzled. Yes. And in that it was God. was played by a man. If I'd just recently seen dogma,

I'd be saying she, because Alanis Morris said played God. You always go through the most recent movie. Yeah, that's right. Well, God works in a serious way. That's right. However, he or she... God is omnipresent.

Shows themselves to me. Yeah. Like, why would... If it was a he, if it was a she, why would she let you watch dogma? If it was a she, why would she let you watch bedazzle? That's a question. I don't have an answer.

That's a question. Just a question. Thank you for identifying about that was a kind of question. There's probably some theists, Theologists out there You could answer that Or either of those Theologians

Theologians Great word, isn't it? Yeah, if a real one Is that the one I said? What's a theist? That's nothing. Yeah, someone who believes in one God, isn't it?

Right. See, this is why You are Sully's no more gaps. Yep. No more gaps in my knowledge. It's a person who believes in the existence of a god or gods,

specifically a creator who intervenes in the universe. Oh. That's the dictionary. So not Nick Cave because he doesn't believe in interventionist God. That's how he starts on his songs. But I know that you do.

Yes. Is he talking to me? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm a theorist then. History.com makes the note that although she, this is Joan, would be later remembered as a fearless warrior

and there was no doubt that she was absolutely fearless, which we'll absolutely talk about. Joan never actually fought in a battle or killed an opponent. So you say there's no doubt she's absolutely fearless. How does she come across a cockroach? Ooh. About a little creepy crawly.

Oh, my God. There was a cockroach in our office yesterday. Did you evacuate the building? I was surprised at how cool and calm and collected it was. You're lying. Yeah, I only broke one window. I only leapt from a third-story building. My God.

Usually I really overreacted. But that was completely fine. I was actually very cool. So Joan is fearless. Okay. But she never fought in a battle or killed an opponent. Instead, she would accompany her men as a sort of inspirational mascot, brandishing her banner in place of a weapon.

So they gave her a sword, but she never actually, she's not out there stabbing men in the face. She's just a flag bearer. Yeah, she's like a... Is that the whole time? I pictured her just like going around swinging the sword, chopping heads and stuff. She got her banner going, come on, come on. And it worked because everywhere she went, Joan was an immediate.

morale boost. Whoa, much like our own little Joan over there. Thank you. Stop trying to make Joan happen. So she was just a mascot, kind of. Yeah, but saying, I'm sent here by God to encourage you. Okay. Yeah.

Well, I mean, that makes some sense. If you're believing that God sending her, that would be a real moral boost. You're like, I would win this fight. I've got God on our side. Yeah. But she's not like a Stallone or like Van Dam, like, take, breaking people. breaking people's necks and like throwing grenades. God's over, go out, kick your ass.

That's my Stallone. Is that good? That's pretty good sign. Now let's hear your Van Damme. I can't do Van Dam. I've not seen enough Van Damme to be able to do a good Van Damien. He always plays his own twin. Ah, yes.

Always. Yeah, that's good. There's at least three movies where he is playing the dual role. That's good. Which is fantastic. The only Van Damme story I know is who was in Melbourne. promoting something and it was at an event where Steve Quatermane, the sports commentator was at as well and Van Dam was trying to chat up Steve Quatermain's wife and Quatermain went

over to him and maybe knocked him out or something. No. Really? Steve Quaterman. Is that true? Something like that. He knocked out of Van Damned. I might be out. Maybe I'm out of a little bit extra there.

but it's something like that. That's amazing. Yeah. Also, like, what a weird way to behave. Someone's talking to your wife. You don't knock him out. Just go over and say, hello. I may be retelling the story badly.

Maybe he was, either Van Dan was, like, going beyond just talking, or Quartermain didn't knock him out, or, yeah, Quartermain really overreacted to two people having a conversation. Or maybe you're like, you play a little rougher than usual, because it's Van Dam. Yeah. Oh, no, I've knocked him out. You have to play a big game because Van Dam, so.

So a quarterman comes in with a spinning roundhouse. Yeah. I know the only language Van Dam speaks, well, apart from, you know, English and a few other languages, is action. Well, that's a great story. That's a great story. So, Joan, she's a morale boost. Everywhere she goes, on the evening of May 4th, when Joan was resting, she saw. suddenly sprang up, apparently inspired,

and announced that she must go and attack the English. Arming herself, which is basically grabbing her sign, she hurried to an English fort east of the city where she discovered an engagement was already taking place. Ah, that's nice. In fact... Engagement party. Congratulations, now die.

In fact, the Armanac soldiers, which on her side were retreating when she got there. Her sudden appearance caused the soldiers to give out a cheer and engaged in another assault and they took the fortress. Whoa! So they were giving up, but then Joan came and I think that they were like, all right, either we're ashamed or God's on our side, let's go back in there. Wow, she really inspires them. Yeah, seriously.

How cool. On the morning of May 6th, she crossed to the south bank of the river and advanced towards another fort. The English immediately evacuated in order to defend a stronger position nearby, but Joan and her French commander, Leher, attacked them and took it by storm. Wow. He's like Gazey when he was the flag bearer at the Olympics.

Yeah, very motivating. Just like Australia had one of its best ever Olympics for you. Because they just saw Gaze. Inspirational. With the flag. Had nothing to do with it being a Sydney Olympics. Yeah, home olympics. You know that Thorpey was actually thinking of retreating from the pool, but then Gasey came

out from the chamber with a flag and he jumped in and like broke the world. He took it too seriously, if I can be honest. He would not give back that flag. And he did turn up at most events to motivate the Australians. But, I mean, the results you cannot argue with. Speak of themselves. Exactly right. He played all these games holding a flag.

Yeah. Quite a feat. Yeah. One-handed. Yeah, and he was holding his right hands. He's playing left-handed the whole time. And still made a couple of layups. Incredible.

Pretty good. Yeah, couple. Bit of an understatement there, mate. How many layups you've ever made in your life, mate? A couple, literally. Joan inspired the locals and the troops And with French confidence growing The soldiers attacked one besieged fought after another

So she just The ball just started rolling because Joan was there That's amazing On May 7th Joan was injured by an arrow between the neck and shoulder While holding her banner in a trench But she kept on fighting regardless And from her example

The commanders kept fighting What felt like a losing battle Eventually the English folded And the next day They were seen to be retreating However because it was a Sunday A day of rest, Joan refused to allow them to be pursued. So she said, let them go.

It's Sunday. We don't fight on Sunday. That's right. I'm having to sleep in. Having to sleep in. I'm going to have a little mass. And then we'll have a roast. We'll watch insiders.

Okay. Everyone's snobled up. She was interested in Australian politics back then. She also watched Offsiders. And then Offsiders, following on. Barry Cassidy was still the host of Insiders at the time. Oh, yeah. God, this was a while ago.

Yeah, it was a war book. In her book, Joan of Arc, a spiritual biography, Chivorn Nash Marshall, what a great name, points out that the morale boost Joan gave cannot be underestimated. This is a quote. French morale was so low before Joan appeared that they even lost the battles in which they outnumbered the Anglo-Burgundians on a massive scale.

Wow. More often than not, they simply preferred to stay off the battlefield. She really kicked their butts. In their French way, they went, Oh, we don't want to fight. But I'm let tired. Exactly. But Joan gets in there and they're like, hang on, we can fight even more outnumbered.

Yeah. The sudden and unexpected victory at Olion opened up a number of strategic possibilities. And many Armagnac leaders pushed to invade Burgundy basically strike whilst the iron is hot. But Joan advocated that the Armagnac forces should advance without delay towards Ream or Iran to, so the Dofant could be crowned. because remember we've got to go to this holy place. To do so, first Joan had to clear the English out of other towns along the Loire River. She did, capturing three bridges on the river. In Jadju, the English retreated to hide in the town's walls,

and Joan wrote them a letter asking them to surrender. But they refused. So by the end of the day, the town was taken, the English were utterly defeated. She wrote them a letter. Yeah. She actually wrote... Strongly worded? Yeah, she actually wrote a lot of trash-talking letters saying,

God's on my side, surrender on our side, your heretics, surrender now, and you'll be forgiven. But otherwise, you've got the wrath of God coming. She wrote heaps of letters, trash talking, saying, Whoa! The G-man is with me. Yeah, you dumbasses. Dumbasses, come on.

Again from Britannica, the French and English armies came face at Pate on June 18th, 1429. Joan promised success to the French, saying that Charles would win a greater victory, that day than in any he'd won so far. The victory was indeed complete. The English army was routed and with it, finally its reputation for invincibility. Wow.

So like it's in a couple of weeks or a couple of months like the war has fully flipped. Wow. And it's like no coincidence. It's been exactly as soon as she came on board. Yeah, and everything she said so far has come true. Wow. Amazing. But some people were still doubting her at this point.

For sure. They always are. But she's been pretty on the money so far. The armies marched across enemy territory and they encountered surprisingly little resistance, actually gaining the support of several towns held by the enemy on the way. Wow. So really that, it's like a rolling ball, like just gathering speed.

And the ultimate goal and prediction came true when the Royal Army got to the city of Ream, which opened its gates to the Dauphin. That is, despite supposedly being under control of their enemies, the Anglo-Burgundians. They just opened the gate and said, come on in. Charles the 7th was consecrated as King of France on July 17, 1429,

with Joan of Arc standing with her banner not far from the altar. After the ceremony, she knelt before Charles, calling him her king for the first time. Joan of Arc's bold prediction had come true. She did it. That's amazing. I don't know if I'm... I feel like I'd always believe... I'm picturing her with the sword.

chopping off heads. I feel a little bit like... You're disappointed. Yeah, somehow it's like, ah, she's just sort of, she was around with them. Oh, she wasn't as violent as I'd hope. No, that weird.

But it's like, yeah, I'm with here. I'm like, oh, she was a, she was with a banner. I don't know. It's still cool, but... You've watched too many action movies. Yeah. I would have liked to have seen her Van Damning it a bit more.

Or Steve Quatermaning it a bit more. I was going to say, what, hitting on other people's wives? I should double-check that story before the episode's over. I googled it and the only, yeah, it's like a, it's a story that goes around. It hasn't been, I couldn't find like genuine reports. Britannic hasn't got a page on it. So her prediction had come true, Charles' seventh, Crown King. She'd been there for him, but he wouldn't always be there for her.

Oh my God. Momentum was surely on the side of the French king by this point. There was mounting pressure on him. to march to Paris, which even then was the capital of France, and reclaim it. Joan and other commanders pushed for this, but the king hesitated, and instead he actually agreed to a 15-day truce with his enemies, which turned out to be a mere ruse to give them time to fortify Paris. So they were like, oh no, let's have a truce.

Sweet ruse. Really, it was just to give them time to get to Paris, make it way more difficult to take, and then they're like, actually, fights back on. Sorry, oh, did I say truce? I bet fuck use. Sorry, did you miss hear me? Because I was yelling fuck you. I was yelling fuck use.

So that's on you if you missed that. Oh, sorry, guys. Over to Owen Jarus for live life science. Who writes, When the attack on Paris finally happened that the king was hesitant to commit the bulk of his forces to it and it ultimately failed.

Furthermore, it happened on September the 8th, which is the birth of the Virgin Mary, something that hurt Jones' image as no fighting is supposed to take place on this holy day. Right. So, you know. Virgin Mary wasn't born that,

it was like the anniversary of, the celebration of it, right? Yeah, probably, I'm 100% sure. She's Jesus' mum. So she's been around. I mean, that, yeah. Oh, anniversary, sorry, I know what you mean, yes. Yeah.

It's like a, but she was born into the world. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, I assume so. Sorry, I thought you're saying that her birth was also divine. No, I don't think so. But I think if I'm remembering, right, she went up to heaven without dying, I think. I think she's the only person who ever did that. Really?

According, you know, according to the beliefs. So Joseph. Am I saying that right? So Joseph's wife first. I know we've got a few Christian listeners and they're probably absolutely screaming at their iPods right now. Because I don't know that part of the story. So Joseph's wife is suddenly pregnant and then suddenly just goes to heaven. He's left going, what the hell is going on?

For fuck sake, Mary. What the hell? You left me to raise the son of God on my own? You were honestly so cool when we were dating. This is after, I think this is after Jesus dies. Oh, okay. So this is, you know, I think Jesus is left home by this point, as in going to heaven. Left home is the earth.

Got a job. Oh, sorry. Did he ever get a job? Carpenter. Carpenter. Fishermen. Fishermen. Alcohol.

Delivery man. His methods were a little unusual. Joan wanted to push on, but her hopes were set back when King Charles actually called a truce with the Burgundians, their enemies, and who were the allies of the English. And this lasted until Christmas of that year. From this point on, despite what she had achieved for him, the king would never again back Joan of Arc's efforts.

You son of a bitch. By this point he seemed. more determined to be more diplomatic with his enemies and consolidate what he had so far achieved. She's like, let's crush him. And he's like, let's make a truce. I'm king, which is what I wanted. I'm all good. So he was like, I'll just, I'll form truces now.

And she's like, no, we shouldn't. Right. God's saying. Yeah, no, we've got. Surely you'd stick with her. Well, yeah, he backed her until it was convenient for him, like to get what he wanted. Get what he wanted. It feels like he's playing beat the bomb, but he's going out early.

That ticking clock hasn't? Or beat the bomb or the bong game. This was referenced on the... Who Wants to be a Millionaire episode? Yes, that's cool. Where on the radio game where they'd say, $10, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. $20, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

Thirteen. Burn. A hundred dollars, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. You've been crowned king. Tick, tick, tick, tick. And, tick. And was it like Money Mountain? Yeah, Money Mountain was the early version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

Anyway, I don't know why I've taken this there. I apologize. Let's relive some other recent reports. At one point, King Charles even disbanded his army. He's like, ah, we're good now. Yeah, right. And it turns out, even when he's sent by God and everyone reveres you, if you don't have the king on your side, it's pretty impossible to raise armies for major attacks.

That's what Joan found. In 1430, Joan heard that John of Luxembourg, the King, captain of the Burgundian company, who's their enemies, had laid a siege to the city of Compignan, and Joan and a few hundred soldiers rushed to defend it. But the Anglo-Bugundian forces were far larger than her own, because she's got no official army backing now. She tried to aim the town's defenders by launching hit-and-run guerrilla attacks, but Joan and her soldiers were eventually forced to retreat.

But she was thrown from her horse and was left outside the town's gates as they closed. What? the Burgundians under John the Duke of Luxembourg took her captive and from here Joan was imprisoned by the Burgundians at Beauvoir Castle So she's riding into town on a horse

gets thrown from the horse and they just close the gates Yeah and nobody thinks Oh Joan's just outside the gates there But it's as the enemy is basically getting there Everyone's retreating It's absolute chaos

And unfortunately yeah The gates closed and she's got nowhere to run. So she's taken captive. And she's, yeah. Whoa. And a website I've found, Matt, you'd be pleased with this. I'm guessing it's French.

So I've got some of it. It's a, I think it's pronounced, and apologies for all the French mispronciations. I looked up a lot. I did Google this one. I think it's Wikipedia.org. Yeah, that sounds like French. Assume it's a French website. A lot of information on this French person.

Oh, awesome. In English, though. Oh, that's so convenient. So it translated it for you. Yeah. And they write, Joan made several escape attempts on one occasion, jumping from her 70 foot or 21 metre tower, landing on the soft earth of a dry moat,

after which she was moved to another Burgundy in town. I would still be breaking every bone in my body. Yeah, apparently she was uninjured. What? You believe that? 21 metres. Oh, well, I feel like, you know, God's on her side. Yeah.

Do you think... Yeah, I think that too is amazing. But it's, yeah. What was, I mean, was the fall... softened by any sort of cushions? Yeah, the cushion of God. Oh, landed in God's cushion factory. The softest cushion factory of all.

And you're thinking, she's captured, surely Charles the 7th, the king, the man whom she'd basically made king, surely he'll do whatever he can to rescue her. Don't tell me what I'm thinking. But I was thinking that. Ooh. Well, by this time he was working towards a truce with the Duke of Burgundy,

and he made no attempts to save her. he sounds like a real dog yeah like a low dog real French dog French bull dog there's a lower dog there's a dog on the throne

dashounds would be lower yeah to the ground there's a daxy on the throne John the Duke of Luxembourg who'd captured her he was initially reluctant to hand her over to the English but he was eventually paid

a small fortune and went all right that's my price they gave him ten dollars Stop. Let's hear it play out. $20. $10 million. Damn it!

Oh, damn it! Hey, that's still $10 you didn't have at the time of the day, you know? I came here with nothing. It's 10 extra bucks. You always hear people say that before they lose a lot of money. I came here with nothing. But you've got money now. If you leave now without money, $10.

Yeah. Oh, no, I couldn't possibly walk away from this, Eddie, with $32,000. that would be so embarrassing for me. I gave me with nothing. I'll leave you with nothing. Dave, did you apply for who wants to be a millionaire? No, there was a call-out though. I really thought you were going to do it.

Dave, please. You should do it, Dave. For all of us. I fail on the first question, I'll be highly embarrassing. Yeah. We won't tell anyone if you fail. No. Well, who would you take as your person in the audience?

Genuinely. It doesn't have you want to come? Would you want to come? Sure. It would be more fun of one. of you came for me. Well, we'd probably do a tossing of the coin. You'd want, I'll go in, because you want Jess on the phone a friend.

Oh, yeah, because I can type fast. They don't let you do that anymore, can you believe? There's no, there's no, there's no, I think there's one lifeline, which is like, you can switch out a question. Right. I think you only get that, if you're the fastest finger first, maybe, I don't know. Oh, you've got fast fingers too, Dave. But you can't.

Game is made for you. You can't, uh, phone to friend. And the person in the crowd, they don't have to answer anything. Eddie would say, good a day, Dave, great to have you here. And you're here with your business partner, Matt, or something like that. Business partner, that's how you see me. Yeah. Well, I mean, you don't, do you want him to say you're here with your podcast co-host?

That's what I was thinking my podcast co-host? No, what about friend? What? Sorry, we're not making up terms here. Don't, Matt, no one's going to believe that. No one's going to look at you to and say, oh, they're clear. Clearly friends. Obvious friends.

We say, oh, Dave, you're here with your grandpa. That's nice of you to bring in your grandpa on his last days. Here with your grandfather's wish. Close to death. If you introduced, if I wrote on the form you or my grandfather, do you reckon a producer would take you aside and say, sorry, are you really his grandpa? Yeah, I had Dave's father at a very young age.

I have a great skincare routine. Yeah. I'd love to share it with you. I just dress young. I dye my beard, but under here it is Rinkle City. Yeah, don't look at my back. It's all the wrinkles. He's just got a bunch of little clips, bulldog clips all the early back.

French bulldog clips. And we're back. And we're back in France. So she's been handed over to the English. Yeah, that's not good. who have, she's caused a lot of trouble for them. Yeah, they'd hate her. Oh, yeah.

Because, I mean, she's also proof that God's not on their side. Yeah, so they are hell-bent on proving that she wasn't acting on the behalf of God and that she's in fact a heretic and that God's on their side. Right. So they put her on trial, which was funded by the English crown and was only ever going to go one way. Yeah. In the words of British...

I'm sorry, could you give us the phone number for God if you guys are so close? Didn't think so. Proved it Proved it Put him on Put him on So what it sounds like Is I mean

If God could prove it Right In this court case But it sounds like Like the king did Now God's kind of Leaving her hanging out to draw This whole time

She's thinking God's gonna come in And save me Yeah well I wouldn't But I guess Even if God did Some sort of miracle The English

You'd be like No that was just Wind Wind Yeah that was special effects Yeah It's got really advanced These days

You've got people with puppets. That's a deep fake. Yeah, that's Jim Henson. That's not God, even though he's really good. I mean, he's great. He's the God of puppeting, sure, but we're talking more like big guy in the sky. God of God's.

Like the God. I can't believe I have to say that. Yeah, God. Sorry, we're talking about Jim Henson this whole time? Yeah, Jim Henson was telling me where this sword would be. He saw it there the other day. In the words of British medieval, which is a great title, Beverly Boyd.

Beverly Boyd. The trial was meant by the English crown to, quote, be a ployed to get rid of a bizarre prisoner of war with maximum embarrassment to their enemies. That's all they want. A legal proceedings kicked off in January 1431. Her two judges were Corshon, Bishop of Bova, and Jean Le Maitre, the Vice Inquisitor of France.

She was interrogated nearly a dozen times. They considered torture to go. get her to confess, but decided against it because she was so steadfast in her beliefs, they thought it would be pointless. Okay. So where do you go when you start with torture? They're like, uh. We've ruled out torture.

Yeah, exactly. Like, wait, so if you're, okay, we're going to torture. No, that's not going to work. Whits, what's above that? Yeah, we'll skip that and just call her guilty. Yeah. No, they actually tried to outsmart her. They tried to, because she's very, she's got great answers for why she acts.

It'd be so good. It ends up, they're like, I see, you really are with God. We probably should not have you captured any more than. Is there any chance you could be on our side? Yeah. Because if God's on your side, then you're on our side, then it'll be on our side now. That'd be awesome. We'd love that.

If you could put in a good word. Wouldn't you be scared that like this person who, it seems, there's been a lot of really good evidence that God is on her. side, why would you be awful to her? Because then God's going to punish you. But then you're the devil. They don't want to, but no one wants to believe that they're, yeah.

The evil ones. Wait, are we the evil ones? We couldn't be. No, I'm so nice. No, we've said our king's got God on his side. My whole life I've been told that I'm on the right side and they're on the wrong side. Yeah. So, yeah.

That can't be right. Judge Koshan forbade her to leave her prison to go to mass, but Joan insisted she was morally free to attempt to escape. So she several times tried to escape. Guards were then assigned to remain always inside her cell, and she was chained to a wooden block and sometimes put in irons. So she had pretty bad conditions. To properly describe her charges,

I will quote from Britannica, which does have a great article on Joan, will of course link to in the show notes. But they write, when the trial proper began a day or so later, it took two days for Joan to answer the 70 charges that had been drawn up against it. These were based mainly

on the contention that her behaviour showed blasphemous presumption. In particular, that she claimed for her pronouncements to the authority of divine revelation, prophesised the future, endorsed her letters with the name of Jesus and Mary, remember she's always writing letters, thereby identifying herself

with the novel and suspect cult of the name of Jesus. But perhaps the most serious judge was of preferring what she believed to be in the direct command of gods to those of the church. Basically, they're saying, you can't say that you're talking to God. You're not. Yeah. That's a lie. So that's one of the charges.

Wow. The judges tried to catch her out in the trial, and yet, despite the fact that she was an illiterate peasant, they thought they could easily outmanoeuvre her. But she was able to evade the theological pitfalls the tribunal had set up to entrap her. An example of... Look over there. God, she's good. Okay, she's very good.

An example of which is published on that French website, Wikipedia.org. They're right. The transcript of the trials are still around, which is amazing. There's still first sources on this. That's amazing. Amazing. There's a lot of info on Jonah Bart, which is one of the reason that she's because she's super famous,

but that also adds to her fame, because there's a lot of resources on it. Yeah, wow. The transcript's most famous exchange is an exercise in subtle. asked if she knew she was in God's grace, she answered, if I am not, may God put me there. And if I am, may God so keep me. I should be the saddest creature in the world if I knew I were not in his grace.

So this question is a scholarly trap. Church doctrine held that no one could be certain of being in God's grace. So if she answered yes, then she would be charged with heresy. Right. If she answered no, then she would have confessed heresy. own guilt because she knows that she hasn't been acting on behalf of God. So she says, if I am not, may God put me there. If I am, may God so keep me. So she doesn't say yes or no. Yes. Jammer. She's good. She's really good at like sort of outmaneuvering their maneuvers.

And they've got like teams of like scholarly people and religious leaders all trying to catch her out because they need to prove that she's a heretic. Do they think that she's just doing that instinctively or or she is outsmarting them back or God's telling her that, I guess. I guess, and she's just so religious that she knows the right answer. She's so religious. You couldn't even be any more religious than she. She's super religious. And what I mean by that is like she, I guess it is instinctively knows

because in her heart she's never done anything wrong. Right. She's always been acting on what she believes is the right way and what God would want her to. The trial continued And because she handled herself so well The 70 charges had to be reduced to 12 Wow, that's a big drop Because they're like, all right

We can't get her on all these things Because she's really smart We'll just reduce it to 12 We've got her on tax evasion We're in a school zone Honestly, one of the biggest things Because she couldn't really deny it Was that she'd been dressing in men's clothing

Yeah, that's right I mean she's wearing khaki at the time Yeah, that was one of the sins They got her on that It is a bit like tax evasion or that stuff, not because you said you were acting on behalf of God, but because we've got proof that you're in men's clothing and that is a sin. And she can't really get out of that one.

That's baffling. Wild. Joan fell sick in prison and was attended to by two doctors. She received a visit on April 18 from call Sean and his assistants who exhorted her to submit to the church. They keep saying, just say that you're wrong, say that you're wrong. Joan, who was seriously ill and thought she was dying, begged to be allowed to go to confession and receive Holy Communion and to be buried in consecrated ground.

They continued to badger her, receiving her only constant response, which is, I am relying on our Lord, I hold to what I have already said. She just kept saying that. And they kept saying, admit it, admit it. And she thinks she's dying. She just never drops. Joan was informed that if she persisted with her answers and denials, she would be turned over to these secular authorities.

Only they, and not the church, could carry out the death sentence of a condemned heretic. So they're like, all right, if you're not going to play a ball with us, we'll give you to them and they will execute you. Oh, they want her to play ball. Just play ball with them. She hates ball games. Take a break from all this stuff. Yeah, go and have a kick. It's fun.

Have a chuck. Have a chuck. It'll do you the world of good. We keep throwing balls at her, hoping that she'll just catch one. Got her. Got her. She caught it. Got her.

She played ball. But instead it just keeps hitting her in the face. How old is she, is this still the year she was 16? She's now 19 years old. So she came to Lord in. All her famous stuff happened so quickly. Yeah. So she's not cracking, but finally she does.

When her judges began to read out the sentence, abandoning her to the secular power, saying, all right, fine, you're going to go to them, fine? That's cool, whatever. Hey, we'd love to help you, but you've got to help yourself. Yeah, you've got to help us, so we won't help you. Upon hearing this, Joan called out and then said that she would do all the church required of her.

Understandably, she was probably afraid of being executed, which at this time means being burnt to death. It's not a good one. This whole time she's had faith in God that God will intervene and save her, and now she's basically told, all right, you're going to be murdered. She was presented with a form of confession, and although she hesitated in signing it, eventually she put her name of the condition that it was pleasing to our Lord. She's like, all right, well, God's not saving me.

Maybe this is the right thing to do. Right. So instead of the death sentence, because she signed, she was condemned. to what we would call life imprisonment. Wow. All right, they say, we won't kill you, but you are never leaving jail.

Is this in England or this is in English France? This is in English France. The Vice Inquisitor had ordered Joan to put on women's clothes and she obeyed the command. But two or three days later, this is after the confession, when the judges and others visited her and found her again in male attire,

she said she had a change of her own free will preferring men's clothes. This has actually been disputed. The mother's claimed that they actually took away her female clothing and left only men's clothes so they could set her up. Yeah, right. Why? They've already got her. Why do they want to?

Yeah, like, what more do you want? Because it's been speculated that some people are like, no, no, we've got to kill her. We've got to kill this one. Yeah, okay. It's not enough to imprison her for life. We have to make sure she dies. Yeah, in case that she inspires future rebellion. But the common narrative is, and probably the most widely believed, is that she'd heard the voices of St. Catherine and St. Margaret, who told her off for signing her name.

admitting she acted improperly. Right. So she basically went back on her own signing and said, I withdraw my confession. Yeah, it doesn't make sense that her staying alive would inspire people. They normally try and avoid martyring someone on the other side because that's what really inspires them? Yeah, you would think so.

Yeah, that's true. Though she might come back and lead another army, who knows. Sadly for Jones, so she said, actually, I withdraw my confession. The voices have come back and I was wrong. I was right, basically. I was wrong, I was right. I was wrong to sign I was right. Sadly for Joan, this was the final straw

and she was handed over to the dreaded secular officials. The next day, she was condemned to death. Tied to a tall pillar, she was burned at the stake. That day? Yeah, the next day after she was handed over. Beforehand, a member of the Roman Catholic order comforted Joan, and she asked him to hold a crucifix high enough for her to see from the platform.

And to shout out the assurances of salvation, so loudly that she could hear them over the roar of the flames. As the fire was lit and spread, she uttered her last words which were Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. Repeating Christ's name several times before her death, and like I said, she was only 19. She was only 19. You're only meant to blow the bloody doors off. Jesus, Jesus. I mean, yeah, it's hot.

Jesus, that's hot. I think mine would be a little stronger, but sorry, it didn't mean to laugh. at a woman being burnt to death, that is horrendous. It is absolutely. After she died, the English raked back the coals to expose her charred bodies and no one could claim that she had escaped. Oh my God. They then burnt the body twice more to reduce it to ashes

and to prevent a collection of relics and then cast her remains into the Sen River. So no one could ever have like a burial spot or place for people to gather. Gotcha. I mean, you can still have those even without the body being there, you know? A little plaque. That's true.

I think it's the same with Hitler. They're like, burn the shit out of it, thrown in a river, so no one can be like, this is where his body is. Yeah. Now it's just in the water. Now it's everywhere. Yeah. Probably out to sea.

Yeah, he's spread that all around the world by this point. The ocean's full of Hitler. Great. I'm swimming in Hitler. I'm swimming in Hitler. Right. Everything's ruined. I'm up to my bloody eyeballs in Hitler.

Thanks a lot, Hitler. Just wanted to see some tropical fish. They're just surrounded by Hitler. God. I've just swallowed some Hitler. Oh, so salty. Having a Hitler break, sorry, drinks break. So the 100-year war raged on for 22 years after Joan of Arc's death.

Charles VIII, the king she'd helped, and who'd done nothing to help her, retained legitimacy as the king of France. He's my least favorite French king now. You hate him? Yeah. Dog. So he was, yeah, he retained legitimacy, despite the rival coronation of Henry the 6th, who was once a baby.

like many of us. Some skip that stage. He was actually crowned at Notre Dame Cathedral. Notre Dame. With the halfback. Do you believe it? Notre Dame. There's lots of contributing factors,

but like I said earlier, Henry VI, the Baby King grew up to be a terrible ruler and was a big reason that England ultimately lost the 100 years' war to the French. Even marrying Charles the 7th's niece, Margaret of Anjou didn't stop Charles from taking back more and more of France. He kept going until the French victory

at the Battle of Castellan in 1453, by which time Charles I had control of most of France. Through conquest and marriage alliances, Charles the 7th was able to bring such regions as Burgundy, Province and Brittany together into one nation state that was richer and more powerful than ever. Wow.

That's the end of the Hundred Years' War, but soon back in England, Henry the 6th would have to deal with another influential series of events on his own doorstop, the so-called Wars of the Roses, which is another epic topic that I'd love to do someday. Maybe my next two, if not three-part arts. What? Wow. Maybe block 2022. It's only months away now, people. Yeah, that's right.

If people vote for it, I'll do it. Better the roses. But what about the legacy of Joan of ours? I guess despite turning his back on her, Charles the 7th was still thinking about her because almost 20 years after her execution, Oni's entry into Ruan in 1450, Charles the 7th ordered an inquiry into the trial. Oh. The trial that had found her guilty and executed her.

The conviction of Joan of Arc in 1431 was posthumously investigated on appeal at the request of Joan's surviving family, her mother, Isabel, and two of her brothers, Jean and Pierre, and the appeal was authorised by the then-Pop, Pope Calixtus the third. Calixtus. Never heard of him, but I love it.

The purpose of the retrial was to investigate whether the trial of condemnation and its verdict had been handed justly and according to ecclesiastical law. The Inquisitor's final summary of the case in June 1456 described Joan as a martyr

and implicated the late Pierre Corson, who was the judge, with heresy for having convicted an innocent woman in pursuit of a secular vendetta. So the court declared her innocent on July the 7th, 1456. And they said, the guy that found her guilty, he's actually the guilty one. So did he get burned alive? I'm actually not sure if he was, I'm sure he was dead by this point, but let's look him up because I forgot to do that. So this is 1456.

He died in 1442, so he never never, never, God, his comeuppance. I mean, here I am, like, oh, damn it. He still died. Yeah, he still died. But, you know, you want him to hear that he's wrong and he's guilty. Yeah, he was posthumously excommunicated. But he did not die.

There you go. Well, he did die, but not for that crime. Joan of Arc says she was found not guilty in 1456, long time ago. But she became a symbol of the Catholic League during the 16th century. But it wasn't until 1920, almost 500 years after her death, that she was canonised. Wow. I mean, they do take ages. It takes age.

Oh, admin, red tape. So much red tape. A lot of paperwork. You got other stuff to do. It's not like top of the list. Wow, that 1920. Her feast day is May 30. The French Parliament on June 24, 1920, decreed a yearly national festival in her honour that is held the second.

Sunday in May. And in France, she is known as La Pusel de Olion, aka the maid of Olion. That's awesome. So much of the original source... I've just had a look over your shoulder there, Dave. So Ollion is where New Orleans is named after, is it? I imagine so, because it is spelled Orleans with an accent on the E.

Yeah, right. There you go. So much of the original source material of her trial survives that it's been said that no person of the Middle Ages, male or female, has been the subject of more study. Yeah. So there's heaps of actual first sources, stuff that survived. The fascination with this teenage peasant that came from absolutely nowhere,

who changed the course of one of the most influential wars in history, has captured the human imagination for centuries. During World War I, French troops carried an image of her into battle with them. And three separate vessels of the French Navy have been named after her, including a helicopter carrier, which I think we can all agree, is the best tribute she could ever hope for. I think that's why she did it all. Number one, for God.

Number two. For the helicopter carrier to be named after her. That is my report on La Poussel, the maid of Ollion, Jean d'Arc. Well done, Dave. Great stuff. Firstly, a question for you two. What vessel would you want to have named after you?

Vessel? Oh, like a pint. Jug? Tugboat. Oh, that's a good one. That is good. You want a jug? Do you want to be shaped like you?

Like the Jesus chugs? Yes, I want to be like one of those Toby jugs with your face on it. That would be great. That would be sick. All right, I'll arrange that for you. If you could get onto that tugboat, that'd be good. Thank you, I will. I'll absolutely call 1-800 tugboat.

For the theists out there who were yelling at their iPods, I've looked up the assumption. Well, I think I called it the Ascension. Assumption of Mary versus Dormition. No, to assume it makes an ass out of you and me. Exactly. This is on that French page. This might be French-related Christianity,

but it says, many Catholics believe that Mary first died before being assumed, but they believed that she was miraculously resurrected before being assumed. Assume, I think, means going up to heaven. Others believe she was assumed bodily into heaven without first dying. Either understanding may be legitimately held by Catholics, with Eastern Catholics observed. serving the feast as the Dormition, which is her dying for something.

So let me just say that you can't be wrong because no one can agree. Yeah, even inside Catholicism, it looks like it's disputed. I'm guessing I must have been taught that she went up full-bodied. I'm sure a war has been fought over that fact. Yeah, important stuff. Important stuff. But yeah, thanks so much for that reply. I was great.

I wish it wasn't my main takeaway that she was a flag there and not a fine. In my head, she was like, she was out in front chopping heads. So like your, you'd heck alert, honorary flag bearer. No, I don't know. I don't know why. It just feels like, I mean, it's amazing what she did anyway, just to talk her way into kind of going around with the army as well. Like a 16-year-old can just rock up and be like,

oh, I've spoken to the Saints, and then march into an unwinnable battle. And then they actually end up winning, even if that's just amazing. It did change the course of the war. which was like a massive event in European history. Yeah, so I imagine, you know, people would believe in that. The other side of it is it's possible like the Space Jam, Michael's special juice or whatever it was called. Where he'd, that might be confusing. slightly Michael Jackson's much more awful thing.

But in the Space Jam, Michael had a bottle and he said, this is my special drink. This is why I play so well and all the Looney Tunes drink it. But it turns out it's just water. they all play better because of it. She might have been their Michael Jordan special water. A bit placebo. I can know it. Also happens in Harry Potter.

Oh, does it? Just watched all the Harry Potter movies. People have spoken about this lady for 550 years. And I don't think anyone's ever put in those terms. Yeah. So well done. Everybody's ever made the space jam analogy. Putting it into new territory.

It's beautiful. Well, that brings us to everyone's favorite section of the show where we thank a lot of our great support. As you can support us. Keep this show running. running, keep the lights on, if you will. It gets dark in here with Adam. Flickr, flicker. So you can go to patreon.com slash dogoonpod or dogoonpod.com and you can support us on a bunch

of different levels. There's all sorts of different rewards and bonuses you get by supporting us, including three bonus episodes a month, some that have come out recently, Dave, if you're doing them this month. Yes, well, we just had our annual dogo honors go out. Oh, the Dugo on award. Shiny Golden Garries. That's right, for where we get our...

Patreon supporters to vote for best episode of 2021, best host reporter, best guest host, which we heard from them. Yeah, it's a lot of fun. It's really do go on podcasts, Night of Nights. It is. It's so good. And there's every month we do a phrase in the bar about another Brennan Fraser movie, including one a couple of months ago, was a live one, which was a lot of fun. Yeah, which we've recently, we're in the golden age. Recently we've had Georgia the Jungle, Dudley Doaright, the Mummy and Bedazzled.

It's a good run. It's amazing. The big four. The big four. We're hitting the peak. We're not far from the mummy too, so pretty good. Oh my God. But yeah, so there's all sorts of things.

One of the, I mean, the Facebook group is the nicest corner of the internet. Oh my goodness. Get involved there if you sign up. But if you sign up on the Sydney Shineberg level, you get to give us a fact quote a question, as well as all those other things I just mentioned. And you also get to give yourself a title. I read these out for the first time on the show. So first one this week comes from, oh sorry, before I say that, I think this section has a little jingle, doesn't it?

I don't know if it does. Oh, maybe it doesn't. Fact quote or question. Farm. Ding. He always remembers the farm. So this week, the first one comes from Katie Hopner. And this is Katie's, oh, sorry, Kate.

Kate Hopener. Kate's first time in... No, it isn't. Oh, because I've just seen a title. You get to give yourself a title as well. And Kate's title is previously known as Kate Mallory. Oh. So I believe Kate Mallory's been in here before.

Anyway, so yeah, if you get to give us a fact, a quote or a question, that's what Kate's done. Or sorry, or a bragg or a suggestion these days as well. Compliment was also an option. Please, we need them. Kate has been in the in the in the in the fact quarter question before but this is the first time welcome in as Kate Hopner congratulations on the name change for whatever reason I haven't just decided to turn in your leave that'd be fun yeah just a deep poll thing nothing run with Mallory but Hopner that's a great one it's great both good both very good well done hard to hyphenate so yeah you made a call yeah well I mean she could be going back to her name after a divorce

exactly could be just a change whatever reason it is that's right I feel like they're all good reasons. All good reasons. There's no bad reason to change your name. Witness protection. Yeah, I was going to say. All good. All good.

All good. All good reasons. Join the screen actors guild and they've said, sorry, there's already a Kate Valerie. Hopener. Love it. Anyway, Kate has offered a question, which is, what is the weirdest food combination you've ever tried?

Kate has answered the question, as I always ask people to do if they ask one. Do you want to hear hers first to talk your memory? Yeah. When I was younger, my grandma introduced me to sandwiches with peanut butter, tomatoes, raw sugar and salt and pepper. It sounds awful, but it's pretty tasty. I love it, it's not brilliant. It's pretty tasty. I think my sister-in-law eats peanut butter and tomato.

Peanut butter, tomatoes, raw sugar and salt and pepper. That does sound like a monstrosity. Yeah, that's not for me, thanks. Yeah, I think for me it's the sugar. Yeah. Take that out. I'll be like, I can see it. I'm into the rest.

I can see it working. And the rest. This one is, I don't think it's seen as weird, but it seemed weird to me before I first had it. Avocado, vegemite, cheese and tomato. It's the vegamite that might make that same weird. But I think avocado and vegamite goes so well. That works. Dave, can you think of any weird combos?

I can't think of a weird combo. People find it weird that I put souring. cream and cheese on my baked beans. That's not weird. There's not, but people find that. Oh, okay. On baked beans. I don't think that works.

I think, I know it works, but I think, I think that, oh, I know. No, that's amazing. But I meant more. I was on your side, mate, but I got. Thanks. At a music festival or something, they'll, you know, the humble spud sort of vans. They do it like a baked potato. Yeah.

And one of the combos is pretty much that. And that works really well. Yeah, I don't think that's weird. I've had people be like, what are you doing, mate? Well, I mean, like, it's not, you're putting, like, I think sour cream is a, like, a fairly neutral kind of product. I don't think it's, you know what I mean? Like, you're just putting it, I think putting it on something, that's fine. Dave, it's fine.

Next time somebody has a go at you for that, you just say, hey, fuck you. I'm trying to think of it. I will. I remember, the only time I remember someone being like, what are you doing? I was staying, I was younger, I was like 19, I was staying at a family's friend in the country in Charlton, back where I used to live, and got up,

it was Charlton Show Day, so we were about to go to the show. And I was having a bowl of cocoa pops with milk, and then a bit of beer on the side. Oh. And the dad, Mick, came in, he's like, what are you doing? Just putting milk and beer in at the same time.

It is a weird. I'd say I wouldn't do it now But back then it just felt like I was living the dream It's because you're 19 and you're bulletproof Yeah Now it was like It was so pumped Yeah

Now you're like That's immediately going to upset my stomach I'm going to shit myself You know I have to think about what I'm eating now Because I'm like Oh that usually gives me acid reflux Yeah

You're not as bulletproof as you were Yeah That doesn't ring any bells for you day That's a bit cruel Kho pops and beer is pretty good Yeah I'm actually It's actually I mean, summertime here in Australia, I might give it a go one morning.

Yeah, give it a crack. I can't think of many, mostly because I was quite a fussy eater as a kid, and weird combos of foods. It was never going to happen. Still, a little. I think I'm the same. I'm pretty basic, sorry. On the stupid old, did either of you watch the, I mean, you were both on it,

but the stupid old fundraising telethon. Towards the end, Reese Nicholson came on to make a jaffled. That's right. And so he's making it with bolognaise and cheese and stuff. And Andy's hosting, Andy Matthews is hosting at the time. And he's like, oh,

this is a weird combination. I haven't heard of anyone putting bolognais in a jaffel and everyone else is like, well, that's pretty standard. Yeah. He's like, what are you talking about? Normal jaffel's got grated cheese and grated carrot.

And I was like, what? Oh, okay. Andy, Andy, Andy, Andy. Grated cheese and grated carrot. Yeah, I think that's what he said. A carrot sandwich. Just everyone, and then cook.

it. Everyone was like, what? And he's like, that's what we did on our holidays. Your family's wrong. And then someone's like, he's, race was like, where, where did you grow up? And Andy said Tasmania, everyone, oh. That makes sense. I mean, you can still watch that if you want to see that beautiful moment on the stupid

old channel on YouTube. The only thing I can think of that I ate a lot as a kid that I don't think I'd really want to eat now was just a sandwich that just had cheese, mayonnaise and lettuce. That's not that, like, it's not that. It's not that ridiculous. It's basically like a McChicken without the chick, you know? Like it's not a crazy combo. But now I'm like, I can't put a bit more substance in that sandwich?

It does sounds like that's a fresh summer sandwich. Great question, Kate. You've really got us thinking there. If anyone out there's got some tweet at us, and say if we remember this conversation. We won't, but send it away. If you're in the Patreon group especially, get a thread going. Thanks to that question.

question, Kate. Next one comes from Isaac's spirit. And I believe, I was wrong when I said about Kate, but I believe this is Isaac's first time. Welcome, Isaac. That quote a question. And Isaac has given himself the title, Assistant Chief Do Go on Petting Zoo Attendant. Oh, very important. Good to have you here in case that little baby goat gets a little bitey. It's another food related one. Isaac has asked the question, what's your favorite chicken piece from KFC. If you're vejo, I think Bob is, shit. Now, I'm not sure.

What's your favorite vejo junk food? Ah. So favorite chicken piece? My favorite fast food, if you want me to jump in what you're thinking, is Subway, I reckon. That's my go-to. Subway. Subway, dark rye, all the salads, avocado.

That's probably my... That's your favorite fast food. Oh, no, not fast food, but my favorite chain. Oh, okay. Okay, okay. Still, that's still surprising. I do like maybe the Hungry Jack's Whopper. Because I'm, Isaac, I'm a veggie as well.

Sorry to bang on about it. How do you, I love the rebel burger at Hungry Jacks as well. I know, yeah, that's probably my go to bad food, but fast food in general, pizza, fish and chips. Fis and chips is my number one. Been getting right back in a Friday night, fish and chips. Oh, that's fun. reliving my childhood.

Very nostalgic. What about Thursday afternoon lunch, fish and chips, aka after this episode? Love that. Love that as an idea. Don't mind that one bit. Don't mind that one bit. Okay, as the one of the three that does eat chicken at the moment,

I am a fan of popcorn chicken. Oh, yeah, popcorn chicken. Oh, that sounds like that would probably be good. I haven't had that for very long time. Everything that KFC ever did was potato mashies, which is basically fried balls of mashed potato. Oh, that's nice. This one I just never, I never really ate KFC.

No, me either. McDonald's was a treat as a kid. Yeah, and I had junior burgers. I would eat, which is like the nothing burger, but I would go and when I was like a teenager, go see a movie or whatever, and I'd go to the McDonald's and I'll say five junior burgers, chips and a strawberry thick shake, I think it was my go-to.

That's a good, that's a good combo. It's just like, can I just have a loaf of bread? Yeah, give me all your brains. patties of Yeah, same. We would have like chips. You'd go through the McDonald's

Drive-thru on the drive-thru on the drive home from Ballarat visiting family and you'd get like a little, you'd get a little fries. That was about it. And then as a teen, as my friends ate more sort of junk food stuff. But KFC wasn't one that I got around a lot either. And now not eating meat.

I like their chips a lot. Good chips. Yeah. I think just hot chips is probably my favorite. Not fussy. Good. Where they're from? Just give them to me.

Had a country road trip recently and, yeah, country fish and chip chips. I don't know how they taste different. It's like the potato's creamier or something. Yeah, I don't know how they do it. It's magic. It's your secret out there in the country. They won't share it with the city folk. Tell us.

Or used to be one of you. Huh? Come on. You've been a city boy for too long. Since the last millennium. Thank you very much for that question, Isaac. I think chips we can all agree. Yeah, chips.

Number one. My goodness. Next one comes from Tom Quinders. I believe another first timer. And Tom has given himself the title of background dancer for performances at the Triptych Club. Oh, that's fun. Every good band needs a backup dancer. Yeah, agreed.

Tom has offered a fact. Hi, Jess, Matt and Dave. While listening to the Who Wants to Be a Millionaire episode, something happened that made me upgrade to this level just to tell you this fact. Oh, wow. In Germany, we... You just email us. I don't think you could tweet it, but this would take a couple of tweets.

Yeah. Says, in Germany, we also have who wants to be a millionaire, which is hosted by Gunther George. Dave, you're the German of the group. What are you pronounced that? Absolutely nailed it. Good. Tom is yelling at his eye on air.

Sorry, Tom. In 2015, a man named. Leon Windshield, no Windsheed, won the million dollars during the show he said that if he won enough money he was planning to buy a party boat and operate it as a business

in Munster. Leon had promised Gunther during the show that he was going to name the boat after him and Gunther in turn promised to be the boat's godfather since he himself was born in Munster. Might say Munster right?

Yeah, I think so. It's got the umla over the U. I think it changed from Munster to Munster. Yeah, didn't we have... Isn't this when your brother-in-law

yelled out during the Munster Rebellion show, live show? Yeah, someone yelled out. Yeah, that's right. She says, this plan was made reality in 2016

and now the MS. Gunther docks in Munster's Harbour. That's nice. So good. I love that. I bring this up because I live in Munster and while biking to dance training,

I love that sentence. I love this. I was a lot of. listening to the Who Wants to Be a Millionaire episode and passed the boat at the bridge crossing. Then on my way back from training an hour later, still listening to the episode, I passed it in the same spot again. This time coming from the other side, I took it as a sign of fate and decided I must tell you this fun question mark fact. That is a fun fact. Love you all.

That's so good. That's actually, that's quite wholesome too. That's a nice interaction that happened. Yeah, I love it. I'm going to name a boat after you. Well, consider me the boat's godfather. That's so nice. I love it.

Oh, that's so nice. I think I want Gunther George as our host. Yeah, it's good. Get Gunther Rovery. Get him on. I feel like he's a can-do guy. I'd be like, yeah. Of course.

I'll come over. No, you know, Australia. Sure. All right. Fuck, Andy McGaw. He said, oh, not my words. No, my words. Guntzer said it.

Thank you very much, Tom. That is a fantastic debut or debut into the fact quota questions. You nailed it. You nailed it. No. brag finally this week this one's from

Returner Jeremy Swade which I think we've said in the past What a name. Incredible. What a smooth name. Jeremy's title is Grand Dugorn Ambassador Extraordinaire

Plenipotentiary to California. What's a plenipotentiary? It's a cool word. I don't know. Maybe will they explain? Maybe let's find out. Jeremy is offering us a fact, which is California is home to the pawn capital of the world,

the San Francisco Valley, also known as Porn Valley, Silicon Valley, or San Pornado Valley. What's the Silicon Valley pun? Porn Valley, Silicon Valley. Is that different how you spell Silicon? Yeah, it's different spelling. Silicon.

Or maybe it's meant to be Cilibone Fally. No, whatever. All right. San Pornado Valley is very funny. Although the number has declined in recent years at one time, nearly 90% of all legally distributed pornographic films made in the US were produced in San Fernando Valley based studios. The film Boogie Knight starring Mark Wahlberg explores many aspects of the area and is very true to the nature of the industry during the 70s and 80s. So I guess this is kind of a fact and a brag because where I live, Woodland Hills, is part of the San Pornando Valley. Lucky me.

Nice one. Jeremy Swade. I mean, that does sound like it could be a porn name. That's a good porn name. Thank you very much for that fact, Jeremy Swade. Do you want me to look up planet, planet potentially? Yeah, yes, please. Silicon and silicone are two very different things, so that was a good place.

What is silicone? In short, silicon is a natural occurring. element whereas silicone is a synthetic substance. Oh, maybe some of them might, a dildo might be made out of it. Yeah, I think that's what he's a... I get it. No one for there.

Planet Potentiary is a diplomat who has full powers, authorization to sign a treaty or convention on behalf of his or her sovereign. There you go. Hey. Pretty important. Love that.

That's a big role. Happy to cede those powers over, mate. Thank you so much, Tom. Another thing we like to do is thank a few of our other supporters. Jess normally has a little game based on the topic at hand. What do you think in this week, Boppa? I'm not sure. I was thinking of who is talking to them in their head.

Oh, yeah. Could be anyone. Could be a celebrity. Great. All right. Well, if I may kick it off, I'd love to thank from Three Hills in Canada, Jesse Malps. Jesse Malps and they had Ralph Mouth from Happy Days. Ralph Malf.

Ralph Mouth, I think, is one of the characters. Yeah. Okay. Maybe the whole cast. The Fons is there as well. That would be, because there's quite a lot of them. Yeah, the cast of happy days. And then when Ron Howard speaking, it would feel like a rest of development.

Yeah. You'd be like, oh, I got arrested development. No, happy days. There's Henry Winkler. E. Chachi. Thank you very much, Jesse. And I also love to thank from Surrey.

also in Canada Michael Dio Or in Michael's head Michael is hearing the voice of Sylvester Stallone which sounds a little something like this Michael he's a guy I get a slice of pizza That's good advice

I think I lost it a little bit that time I watched it interview with Stallone recently It was from way back and he's talking very seriously about Rocky and how he really held off until he was allowed to star in it. Like the studio bought his script. Yeah, that's right, yeah.

So, yeah, it's just really gambled on himself. Love it. He's a, is a, what a sub-al-like, Yeah, Michael, you gotta believe of yourself. He's like, oh, you know, don't give him for no one. Yeah, you'd want that guy in the head, wouldn't you? Yeah, that's great.

Finally, from me, I'd love to thank from Fitzroy here in Melbourne, Australia, Nick Kavanaugh. He's, what, Nick Kavanaugh has, Mr Ed Talking his head Talking horse You got a talking horse

You got a talking horse Peanut butter Gums and all Remove from the horse It's like less impressive Because it's just a voice Yeah that's right But if you know it's a horse

If you know That's right And they'll probably talk about horsey things Yeah It's probably like Oh go go have an apple Well Nick Get me some hay

I Hope you are having a good day That's good Do you want to thank a few Of these fine people Dave or Jess I would love to jump here. Go for it.

Hey, let's give a big shout out from Midlothian in Virginia in America. Kareem Rimawee. That's such a great name. Karim's one of my favorite names. Great name, is it? Kareem's lovely. It's a really nice name. Rimawe.

I'm sorry if I've gotten that wrong, but from Midlothian, that's very close. The obvious would be to say Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, who's got a great voice and would be... Yeah. It's one of the highest scorer of all time. Yeah. And Kareem's got to... The Green, the Skyhook? Is that the signature move?

Oh yeah, popping it up, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, oh yeah, popping it up. Yeah. I don't know why I'm asking Dave. There's a basketballer in the room. Yes. Also writes like not books and scripts and stuff.

Kareem Abdul Jabbar does it all. I believe, I think I was watching, have you seen Dave? It's like a sort of a comedy about a rapper guy. And yeah, there was an episode where he was in it in Kareem, Abduljublj. Jabbar was very funny. Very funny man. Awesome. I would also love to thank from Gig Harbor.

Very cool. In Washington, it is Joe Renckley. Joe Rankley is also a great name. Rankley. Okay. What about, obviously, you'd love to get some narration in your head from the greatest actor of their generation, Meryl Streep.

Could do it all. I wasn't sure if you're going to go, Helen Mirren, or Merrill Street there. Merrill, most Academy Award nominations, and I think she'd be great because she does do different accents too, so she'd really mix it up. Have you like her Australian one?

Yeah. Oh, good I. Oh, dear, no, the dingo took my, boy. She's master of accents. I actually think that we're wrong. Yeah, no. Meryl is right.

Did make me question it. We're doing it wrong. We should be changing our accents immediately. Joe's got Merrill going all day long. And it is exclusively the Aussie accent. And finally, I'd like to think from Raleigh in North Carolina. North Carolina, quick fun fact about that. Do you know how most jurisdictions will have red fire engines?

Yeah, that's the colour of fire engines. Well, not in North Carolina. What? Yeah, they have blue fire engines. What kind of blue? Like a sky blue, an electric blue? A red blue? A navy blue?

Yeah, I think it's a lot of. electric blue. Yeah. Probably. Of course, Emmy Howell has Bruce McAvaney's voice. Emmy Howe. I'm not sure if I named the person yet,

but I've paused after North Carolina. Do you want to do it again? No. Great. Amy, you're a legend. I've got to stop peeking over your shoulder, Dave. I love your support. You are from North Carolina.

Does that give you any inspiration? Yeah, well, I was, I have already gone Bruce McAvaney, But I think you're right. Emmy won't know who Bruce McAvaney is. Who's there? Who's America's Bruce McAvaney? Nobody else has a McAvaney. What about John Chen?

No, John Chin? Who's the guy from E.T. What? Bruce Buffer? Bruce Buffer. Let's get ready to rumbo. Yeah, let's go Bruce Buffer. Possibly his brother is.

Very motivating. Michael Buffer. Can't remember which is which. That would be really, like, that would be fun in your head. It's Mike, his brother, Mike. They both do. Bruce does the UFC. Michael Buffer does.

Let's get ready to rumble. That would be great to hear that all that long, wouldn't it? The Buffer Brothers. The Buffers. You got the Buffer Brothers in the air. Yeah. Yeah, that's really good. John Tesh is who I was thinking.

I don't know how I got to John Chin. But anyway, John Tesh. I don't know who that is. Well, that's good that we've gone with. Who have we gone with? Bruce and Michael Buffer. Bruce and Michael. Bruce and Michael, the Buffer Brothers.

Thanks, Amy. May I thank some people? That would be fantastic. I would love to thank from Hamilton. in New Zealand, Lee McIntosh. Lee Mac, I think he's in... A lot of quips.

Hello, I'm Leamack. Every day's a bonus. It's one of my favourite Leamack jokes. A lot of fun. Great. Out of context, especially. The voices that Lee's hearing, is Leamack giving advice

or just doing bits? He's doing bits. You just hear stand-up from his specials. You're hearing just his line from sketches. So there's long pauses and then Lee will say something. Oh, you're out for dinner trying to concentrate. Meeting your partner's new parents. Yeah.

New partner's parents. He's getting the... Partners' new parents. I got some new parents. I've got some new ones. They're upgraded. Singing the wrong lines from California dreaming. Very funny stuff.

But only his bits. So you're hearing like the wrong backup singing. All the leaves are brown. That's very funny. All the leaves are brown. All the leaves of brown. Thank you, Lee McIntosh. I'd also love to thank from Norwich, Great Britain.

David Kingfisher. It feels like Norwich's most famous son. Yeah, that's right. Has to be involved here. Alan Partridge. Aha. I'd love to hear him in New York. I'm Alan Partridge.

What is it? From the Oldst House. From the old. But what does he say in the old talk show? Knowing me, Alan Partridge, knowing you. you David Kingfisher. Aha.

I would love his voice in my head. That would be fun. So good. But you often do pump in your head while he's asleep. I've listened to a few of his audio books twice now. So good. Just give that a listen. So thank you, David Kingfisher.

And finally, I would love to thank from Brisbane here in Queensland, Finn. Dawn French. Oh, great one. That would be nice. Have you been looking at the book? shelf. Yes, I just looked at a dawn French. And I thought I'd like to have Dawn French in my head.

Yeah, that'd be a good one. In character as the vicar of Dibley? Yes. Exactly. Exclusively. I think that might be the only character of hers I can think of. It's a big one. It's one of the big ones.

It's one of the big four. Big four of French. I mean, very appropriate. Exactly. Beautiful. Oh, it all ties together. We're very good. Thank you very much.

Finn, David Lee, Emmy, Joe, Kareem. Nick, Michael and, and, Jesse. And the last thing we need to do is welcome a few people into our Triptitch Club, which of course now has a dancer. We have Tom Quinder's background dancing as well. So just picture that in your mind as well as we bring in just what have we got? Five inductees in the Trip Ditch Club this week.

So if you're new to the Trip Ditch Club, people have been on the shoutout level or above for three straight years get inducted into this club. It's a beautiful spot in your mind and in your heart. And I'm there at the door. I've got the velvet rope. I'm about to lift it. It might even be the Jeremy Swade Rope this week. I lift it up and read your name off the door list.

Happy with that to be a permanent edition. And once you come in, Dave, really bigs you up. He's your hype man. He's on the stage. Everyone else is already in the club. They're cheering you along. Jess is hopping up Dave because it takes a lot of energy to be a hot man. Jess, you normally have a cocktail?

What's the Joan of Arc cocktail this week? I mean, before I knew the topic, I was actually planning this cocktail. So it does feel a little in poor taste now because it is a flaming cocktail. But I just thought that would be kind of cool. I learned how to do that. And then I was like, yeah, cool, I'll take that. And now obviously it feels... As soon as I said, Joan of Arc, we're like, fuck.

Yeah, a little bit. Fuck, I think she gets better. But I've been trying to send some email. while the report was being done and I was like, I cannot get this menu changed at time. This is the opposite of Dave. Dave normally books a nicely coincidental band. Dave, who have you booked as a band?

You're never going to believe it. Oh my God, who? I've actually booked Joan of Arc. The Chicago band. Of course, they, indie rock band they broke up last year, but they're reforming just for us one night only. The Triptage Club has power. If you get a call from Dave, the booker of the Triptage Club,

You answer that cool. Oh, you answer. So we've got five inductees here. Are you ready to go? Dave, you're ready to hype? Oh, absolutely. Yes, yes. So we've just got a flaming cocktail.

We've got Drenabark. Everyone is absolutely pumped up. Let me hype you. Dave, can you just get the crowd going? Oh, absolutely. Yeah, yeah. Let's just... Let's hear.

Can we get some noise out there? Yeah, that feels good. All right. All right, hopefully none of this falls flat. All right. Firstly, from Miami. Sorry, wrong, button. From Miami in Florida, United States.

Grant M. Vitiznick. Oh, let me grant you entry to the club. From Lester in Great Britain, it's Kieran Foster. Oh, let's foster a good vibe. From Rockville in, I think, Maryland in the US, it's insinient. Rockville population you. Iraq. From West Sacramento, born and raised California, US, it's Bets.

Oh, you can bet on Betsy. And finally from Akron, Ohio. I think it might be the first time I've said it nearly right in the US. It's Rachel Leslie. Less you is a bad time. But more you is a great time. Akron, Orchron, however you say it, we love it. Welcome, Rachel, Betsy, Insignate, Kieran, Grant, Tommy and James.

No, Tommy in terms of last week, I've gone back too far. Hey, they're still here. Everyone's in the club. That's true. Shout out to them once again. Hey, let's go through them all. Alec, Christian, Dylan, Ryan, Nick, the only joking. All right.

You know how I, because you know the, whoever runs the, I think it's the Do Go On Quote Twitter account or whatever that's called. Do Go On Wisdom. Oh, do go on Wisdom, yes. Their pin tweet is like a picture thing to show you how to pronounce. And it's a, I think it's a Renn bird. And I forget what the, I think it's Akron. Akron, Ohio. God's country.

either way. So welcome in everybody. That brings to the end of episode. Anything else do we need to say just before we let people go? Just that you can suggest a topic over on our website, dogo onpod.com, or there'll be a link in the show notes. You can find us on socials at DoGoOnPod. And you can email us.

Dogo on Pod at gmail.com. Nice one. Absolutely. We'd love to hear from you. Dave, boot this baby home. Thank you so much for listening. And we will be back with another week, same time, same chance. brand new topic.

But until then, I'll say thank you so much and goodbye. Later. Bye. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world

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