Do Go On - 337 - The History of April Fools Day

Episode Date: April 6, 2022

Why did April 1 become the day of pranks? It's been around for a long time, but no one knows for sure - in today's episode we explore some of the theories before going through some of history's most memorable April Fools Day pranks, enjoy!Come to our live podcasts in April: https://www.trybooking.com/BXSIVSee our quiz show live in Melbourne: https://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2022/shows/the-quiz-showSee Matt and Alasdair live in Melbourne (with discount code 'dogoon'): https://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2022/shows/honk-honk-hubba-hubba-ring-a-ding-dingSupport the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: dogoonpod.com or patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.britannica.com/topic/April-Fools-Dayhttps://blogs.loc.gov/folklife/2016/03/april-fools/https://edition.cnn.com/2019/04/01/us/best-april-fools-day-pranks-trnd/index.htmlhttp://hoaxes.org/worstaprilfools.htmlhttp://hoaxes.org/aprilfoolhttps://www.bu.edu/articles/2009/how-a-bu-prof-april-fooled-the-country Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. Hey, mate's just Matt here dropping in before we start the show to let you know that we have moved our quiz show

at the Comedy Festival to a bigger room. We sold out the whole run, so they've offered us a larger room at the town hall. And yeah, the next two Monday nights, we've got more tickets available now, which is really exciting. Pleasie do come along. We had a great time for the first show

with Reese Nicholson and Michelle Brazier on Monday. And Sunday as well, we had a great time doing it. our live podcast. There's three more of those to go. Tickets still available. Links below. Also, if you want to come see me at the Comedy Festival, come to Hong Kong, Carba Hubba, Ringa Ding, Ding, Ding, and use the discount code, Do Go On. And is all one word. And hopefully we'll see you at one, two or all of those shows. That'll be amazing. Now, let's get on with the show. I say that, it makes it sound like we've been on some massive international tour. Yes. How you going?

All right. Thank you so much for coming out. Welcome to another episode of Do Go One. My name is David Warnackie and, well, not as always. I'm standing alone on stage right now. But could you please put your hands together and welcome to the stage, Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart. Yes.

You're normally the theme song start and they start clapping. I had to start it this year and that doesn't feel good. You started the clapping. Yeah. I did a woo. That sounds awful. I felt like a piece of shit. You did that to me.

And you're really going to have to work. work hard to win my love back. That's how you get it. Yeah. Yeah, be a real k-a-kunt. Yeah. Yeah, that'll get them. I remember there's a boy over there. Sorry about that. Sorry to you, boy. It's probably the first time you've heard such language.

And I apologise. Damn it. Rounder, applause. Any other boys in tonight? I sort of like to meet the audience. Did I see a boy? The boy has left. Oh. Okay.

I'm quite old. There are any 20-year-old boys. Oh, thanks for coming out. You're here, we're here. We may as well do a podcast. Oh, who's heard the podcast before? Great. Who hasn't heard the podcast before?

That's okay. Was that the boy? Was that the boy? That was the boy. That was the boy. That was a 20. 20-year-old boy. Thank you, little boy.

Thank you. Thanks for coming, boy. Thanks for taking a chance on us. And we won't pick on you, but other than most of the night. Nah, no, no, no, you'll be right. Help me. Great.

Do you want to explain how it works? Is that good? No, you can... No, no, I feel like Jess should explain it. Yeah, okay. She feels like she's in hot form. So if you could explain how the show works, Jess? Of course.

easily. So there's three of us, hello, and we take it in turns researching a topic and telling each other about it. The other two, listen very politely, don't interrupt, and we all laugh, learn out of here in a tight one hour. Love that. The three hours. Well, I mean, Matt's doing it. There's going to be an hour, Matt. Well, if we have to leave in that time, then yes. But he just finished this with two big and ten. And you'll go on. How exciting.

We always start with a question as well. Matt, have you written a question? I have written a question. You just got to scroll back your 18 pages. Don't look. Don't look at it. Don't look at it. You're right there? You're right with that?

Would you like this? Oh, actually. Before we get started, you know, for a while there, people were sending us songs I were making about the show. Someone emailed this week, Dusty Sandanay, and, he spelled it out phonetically, which was meant to help me say it more fluently, and I don't know if I nailed it,

but... Hand-a-na. I'd love to see you in a language class. Repeat after me. It's hand-a-noe. So he sent it through and I listen to it and I don't understand it. Normally they're like, hey, this is a do-go-on song

and da-da-da. But this one is stranger. So I thought we'd play it and then maybe everyone here can explain it to me, or can be baffled along with me. Great. So, Do you want to hit that tune?

Pump it up a little? I said he was inspired by your bass, growing in it as well. That's us, isn't it? Who a team? What's interesting, Matt, is that you and Dave have blue eyes and I have green eyes.

What? That's true. So it's like, you and I should swap, but it just works. Like, I'm ripping it out. I know. Am I a wanker for like he blue then?

Yeah. essentially you're just saying I love my own eyes They're beautiful That's us I just don't understand I don't get it That's good art

I love it I don't know what I mean You don't get it But it made me feel something I couldn't hear Most of what we were saying I think it was mostly me talking about Eye colour

And the songs are meant to sort of describe how the show works And in a way, it's not bad. Every time Matt came in, I was like, is that mad or is that Barry White? Yeah. Isn't anybody else if you're feeling that? I love the snakes. Sexy swither.

One of his famous lines. So I thank you to Dusty Sandinay for... How did you do that without notes? That's ridiculous. God, he's good. Jeez, that's good. God, he's good. All right, so I'm going to get us onto a topic with a question.

Great. The question is, on what day of the year might you hear someone say, you couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine? Oh, Christmas Day. You idiot. It's Halloween. No. I thought this was an easy one.

Is it the first of April? Wacking Day. Very white. Very good. Yeah, right. Okay. No, it's April Fool's Day. Yes, April the First.

Is that what you said? Yeah. I drifted off. Very briefly. This was suggested by Lisa from Brisbane. Okay. Lisa, you win? They never are.

It hurts so much. They never are. We got a little seat reserved for her. She never came. So I'm going to kick off with some words from Britannica. She's like a compendium of information online. Although the day has been a bit of. For centuries, its true origins are unknown and effectively unknowable.

I would say that most days have been observed for centuries. There you go. It's called a calendar. All right, there's a bit of padding in this. April. What does it mean? It resembles festivals such as the Hilaria of Ancient Rome held on March the 25th and the Holy Celebration in India, which ends on March 31st.

Some have proposed that the modern custom originated in France in August 1564 when Charles the 9th decreed that the new year would no longer begin on Easter as it had been common throughout Christendom, the Christian world, but rather they were moving the start of the year to January 1st. The Pope did that, do you know that? I didn't know that.

Used to start on Easter whenever that was. That fucking tricky is. that. See in the new year, whenever that is. Someone who were the moon. Yeah, because it was a movable day, those who clung on to the old ways were the April fools.

That's one theory. Oh, you're still doing New Year's at Easter. You fucking fool. You're a dog, you're a fool. We laugh at you. I feel like we don't use fool enough anymore. Well, we are tonight. Others have suggested that the timing of the day may be related to the vernal equinox,

a time when people are fooled by sudden changes in the weather. Got me again. You're getting wet, you're fool! Someone said that so stupid, I can't agree more. There are variations between countries in the celebration of April Fool's Day, but all have in common an excuse to make someone play the fool. In France, for example, the fooled person. is called, I know your French is better than mine, I'll have a crack.

Poisson de Avril. I mean, I don't speak French, but that sounds perfect. Poisson de Avru. That's very good. Is that an April croissant? Is that what you're saying? It means April fish. Poisson means fish.

And I learned that on an old TAB. ad but doesn't matter it was a guy just wanted a lot of money at the tab and he ordered he went to a fancy

restaurant and he goes I'll have a steak and poison for the wife and then the guy the waiter

goes filaminion and the poisson and I've finally been able to use that information hit or not great ad

great great ad so yeah apparently this April fish thing might be in reference to fish being abundant at this time of year in France. So they're very easily caught.

So they're like, oh, these fish, they're such fools. Look at me catch them. You little idiots? Yeah. And all wriggly fuckers. These fucking morons. Foolish fish. But I also imagine no one's around.

And he's saying all this just to no one. You fucking idiot. Apparently it's still common for French children to pin a paper fish on. the backs of unsuspecting friends. Oh, that'll get on. They've got a lot of great culture in France, aren't they? Their friends would look like such a fool. The next bit sounds a bit like Britannica is fooling me.

But anyway, let's have a crack at it. In Scotland, the day is gokey day for the goke or kaku. A symbol, kuku. A symbol, well, you will wait. A symbol of the fool and the kakold, or cuck, which suggested it may have been associated at one time with sexual licence. I don't know what that means. I thought I had to read it out because puck is so fun to say.

And people have called it, called me it a bit. It's a good reason. I'm a big old, big old soy boy cuck. So, according to Stephen Winnick, writing for the American Folklife Centre, another theory placed in the origin of April Fool's Day in the Roman Empire dates it to the reign of Emperor Constantine. According to this story, a group of fools or jesters

convinced Constantine to make one of them king for a day. Constantine obliged, and one of the jesters, named Coogle, was appointed to the position. He decreed that it would be a day of Joliti and thus created what came to be called April Fool's Day. The only problem with this story is it was an April Fool's hoax in itself, started by history professor Joseph Boskin. Gotcha.

In 1983, Boskin was working at the Boston University. Boskin was working at Boston. Yeah. That's good. That would have been a nightmare. Yeah. So he was contacted by the AP, the Associated Press, a reporter there who wanted to ask about the history of April Falls.

He was a history guy. So he thought he was a good guy to ask. According to the Boston University website, Boskin recalled, I said, I don't know anything about the holiday, and I really can't be of help to you. The reporter said, don't be so modest. When the reporter kept pushing,

Boskin says, I created a story. One of Boskin's closest friends had always loved the Jewish noodle pudding, Kugel. That is quite a sentence. So say it again? One of his friends had always enjoyed. One of his closest friends. What are we?

weird thing to pop in your mind when you come up with a story but one of his closest friends that always loved the Jewish noodle pudding Coogel could be cuggle, Coogel no it's Coogel just because it makes that sentence so good that popped into his head and he decided to tell the story

of a jester who became King, King Coogel one of Boskin's fields was medieval history so he concocted a convincing tale since I was calling New York where Coogel is famous and it was April Fool's day I figured he would catch on Boskin recalled. Instead, he asked

how to spell Coogle. As he was telling the outlandish story, he kept expecting the reporter to wise up to what he was doing, but all he heard was the clatter of a typewriter on the other end of the phone. When AP published the story, Boskin got calls from the Today Show on other reputable news outlets

asking him to go into more details about the origins of King Coogel and the story was born. The truth came out when he was teaching a class a few days later going, all right, you really can't be a sucker. Like, when you're working in media, you know, there's going to be, you just got to use your brain, basically. And in that class was an editor of another newspaper, and

they published the story about it the next day, and the AP was very embarrassed. And furious, they rang up and yelled at him. Did they feel like they looked like a bit of a, I don't know, what's the word? A poisson. The Avru? I think so. Yeah. I think so. The first certain reference to April Fool's Day,

according to when it comes from a 1561 flamish poem by Edward Dedeen. In the poem, a nobleman sends his servant on crazy fruitless errands, and the servant recognises that he's being sent on fools errands because it's April the 1st. Edward Dedean's trick in which someone is assigned an errand to find a non-existent object. or person was still a popular April Fool's joke centuries later. A 1902 article in the Akron Daily Democrat details some of the common pranks of the day, writing,

one of the most popular amusements of April to 1st is the sending of persons on fruitless errands. Unsophisticated persons are sent to the bookstores for a copy of the history of Eve's grandmother or to the chemist shop for pigeons' milk. that is good stuff Eve doesn't have a grandmother She's the first one

She's the first one How could she have a grandmother Don't understand The pigeon's milk well though That doesn't make any sense Oh because you go to a chemist A chemist is not going to have it That's true

You want to go to Straight to the wholesaler That's right The pigeon What you want to do is you want to catch a pigeon You want to squeeze it real hard Oh yeah I didn't say it's dead or anything

maybe it likes it. Grab of nerds, yeah. Oh, be nice to the pigeon. Nobody wasn't being nice to the pigeon. God. It tells us nice to be squeezed. He loves it. Like a little cuddle for the pigeon.

Should I? I might shut up for a little bit. Yeah. Who doesn't like a good old squeeze to your produce milk? I'm the first to admit it. That's real virgin talk, though. Real, real real.

Somebody. Dave ruined it. Please squeeze me. In 16... We definitely remember how to do these shows. We're doing really well. Yeah, it's feeling good. Yeah, I'm going to fight someone.

In 1698, the first April Fool's Day prank on record occurred. The prank, this is a good. You're going to love this. This can't be better than pigeon milk. It's maybe one level up from pigeon milk. Yeah, yeah. The prank had people tricked into going to the Tower of London in England to see the, quote, annual lion washing ceremony.

When they arrived, they were disappointed to find there were no lions being washed at all. That's so funny to me, but... Apparently thousands of people like... Turned up to watch a lion get washed. We'll get this. This is from hoaxoex, hoaxes.org. Hoaxes.org. So this is from that. website saying...

I mean, you can't trust anything on that website. For well over a century after this prank, the prank of sending unsuspecting victims to see the washing of the lines of the Tower of London remained a favourite April Fool's Day joke. A century, for a century. Every year, this continued. In the mid-19th century,

pranksters even printed up official-looking tickets that they distributed around London on April 1st, promising admittance to the non-existent annual lion washing ceremony. So when did they wash the lines? Oh, imagine they do it on April 2nd every year. Oh, my God, I miss it. But the lions get to have a bath in peace. That's nice, actually, isn't it?

But yeah, so anyone, if you're from out of town, that was the old con. Oh, you don't get it, this is big. Everyone goes to see the lions get washed. Thousands of people. Okay, let's say you're a local and you see a tourist walking past and they're like, what should I say, no, I'm doing an English accent, they're not English, I won't do an accent. They say, no, no, no, no, they say, what should I do while I'm here? And you say, oh, well, I mean, go check out.

But then you don't go with them, so you don't know if they go, you don't, like, what's the payoff for you as the person be like, go, have a look at that? You know what I mean? I think it's beautiful. I don't know why you're trying to unpick it like that. Yeah, that's true. They thought they were going to be lions washed. I don't know if you get it or not. I don't think I get it.

It's very funny. The saddest thing for me to imagine is that it was every year for 100 years, but the 101st year, imagine being the only person to turn up. That's the saddest thing. And asking you about it. Oh, no. This isn't even a joke anymore. It's just sad.

There's a... The first written down record of it happening in America that I saw was in 1771 in a diary entry by Anna Green Winslow in Boston. This entry seems to suggest that Winslow's prank is either trying to get her mum

to remember something that didn't happen, which is funny, or get her mum to remember being pranked by her dad, which is also very funny. And this is what she wrote. Will you be offended, Mama? If I ask you, if you remember the flock of wild geese, the papa called you

to sea flying over the blacksmith's shop, day three years I hope not I only mean to divert you note it is the first of April he he he I did add I added the he I added the he I added the he you added the he wow that thought I needed a little something very of the time so that was actually very good yeah I didn't I didn't understand a word of that yeah I think she's writing a letter to her mum yeah being like remember that time that you the dad told you to go look at those geese flying They didn't have much to do back then, did they?

Three years later. So she was either going, remember that funny prank that did on you? They weren't any geese. Or the prank is her going, hey, remember this thing? Didn't happen, but... Anyway, gotcha. He-he. But he-he.

Gotcha. You fool? I had the thought to not read that bit out because I thought it was a bit baffling. And then you... Oh, the bit you just read. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, and then you read it. I read it out anyway.

One of the bits where before the show you were telling me, there's a few bits that I might not read. And I just actually started it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's too far I knew it, but definitely could have probably chopped that bit. Nah, I reckon it's fine. It was fine.

I mean, you didn't. Yeah, yeah. I think that's all right. I'd say just move on. Okay, I can edit out later. Yeah. You're swinging your myth sometimes. That's all right.

I'm going to keep referring to it throughout the next demo. He-he. Winick writes that by the late 8th, In the 1800s, April Fool's Day tricks are developed into more elaborate forms that you're going to love these ones. These are, now we're starting to get to the juicy skin. Wait, it's going to be better than, hey, remember when dad said, look, there's some geese, and you looked and there were no fucking geese, mum, you idiot?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You looked like such a dumb bitch that day, Mom. Dad and I laugh about that behind your bad while I remember, Mom, but she was a dumb bitch. It's going to be better than that is what you're telling me. And then the arrogance to write a letter three years later. Remember? You suck, Mom. So, yeah, so they, by the late 1800s, they were really coming along.

There were three big ones. That were so common that they were written in comics in the newspapers and stuff. The first one was when they put a brick under a hat on a sidewalk. So wait. Way, way, away, way, away, way, away. What's going to happen? What will happen? What are you?

Hang on, there's a brick and a hat on top. And then if someone come along, they pick up the hat. That's pretty funny. But no. And then they apologize to the brick. I'm so sorry. I didn't realize someone was wearing this. I'm so sorry.

My apologies, sir. Today to you, Mr. Brick. Lord Brick. Ah, Lord Brick. That's not what it is. No, that's not what it is. I would have. Yeah, it would have back then.

Okay, I'm on board now. I like this. All right, so you're picturing a brick with a mustache. Yeah, and a hat on top. Hat on top. Okay, so this is... Wait, is it a human-sized hat or a hat that fits just on top of the brick?

That's so fun. You're punching up this prank for sure. That's cute. No, according to Winnick, the idea being that someone would eventually succumb to the urge to kick the hat and thus stub his toe on the brick. First thing I would do, kick a hat. Oh or off ahead, I don't care. You can get your leg up really high.

Yeah, again. Who kicks a hat? What? What would happen is people are picking up a free hat and say, oh, I'm so sorry. Man, that sucks. Kicking a hat. But it was so common. Where's the pigeon sympathiser now?

Just worried about that poor brick getting kicked. You draw a line in weird places. The second one's more of a classic, I think. So it involved leaving a supposedly lost desirable object, like a wallet or cash. A hat. Or a hat. In plain view with a string tied around it.

The other end, the string was... By a hidden prankster. It's got a brick on the other. Yeah. They're all brick-faced. It's all they had. Bricks and hats. That's all they had.

Yeah. So it's just the classic sort of drawing away. Also people actually did that. Yeah, apparently that was real common. Wow, that sucks. Remember, people used to go to watch a train go past. And then the third one was called the smoking coin, which was where... Can you leave a coin with a little cigarette next to it?

Someone bicks it up. I'm so sorry. I didn't realize someone was smoking this. Yes, the coin. has a mustache. So what would happen is people would light the coin up with a match or a cigar until it was smoking hot, put it down so people would burn their fingers on it.

It would have to happen pretty quick, I guess. And then they go, fuck, full jar! And they're going to the hospital. That's good stuff. They're pretty good. I'm going to now move on to some more elaborate. ones from history if you do not mind. These are all from this great website

hoaxes dot org I might have said that wrong again so it's just it's like it's a whole a hoax compendium there you've got to if you like hoaxes that's your spot. This first one

happened on April 1st would you believe 1974 the residents of Sitka Alaska woke to a disturbing sight. Clouds of black smoke were rising from the crater

of Mount Edgecombe. They've edged too far. You've got to be really careful. Yeah, I hadn't noticed that until just then, but that's good fun. I don't have the patience for such things, but... The long...

So Mount Edgecombe, long dormant... Well, you'd relate to this, Dave. Long, dormant volcano. Which are you in a town. Oh, yeah. It only makes the payoff even bigger. People spilled out of their homes...

The whole town! They're all edging. People spilled out of their homes onto the streets to gaze up at the volcano. Terrified that it was active again and might soon erupt. Calls poured into local. Local authorities, the Coast Guard commander radioed the Admiral in Juneau, who ordered a chopper be sent out to investigate.

As the Coast Guard pilot approached Mount Edgecom, a plume of smoke grew in size. Finally, he was right above it, and he peered down into the crater. At first, he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Stacked in the cone of the volcano, burning with a greasy flame, was a huge pile of old tires. Spray painted in the snow beside the tires in 50-foot-high black letters were the words, April Fool. The fake eruption of Mount Edgecombe It could be Edgum It could be Edgham

It could be but who's to say Who's to say? It could be I don't know with the Alaskan accent But The fake eruption at Mount Edgecom Was the work of a local prankster 50-year-old Oliver Porky Bicker

The idea to ignite the volcano What occurred to him in 1971 As soon as he thought of the idea He knew he had to do it. It took him three years of planning? Well, so he collected 70 old tires that he kept in an aeroplane hangar. But he had to wait three years

until April Fool's Day in 1974 when the visibility conditions were just right for the prank. So he woke up every April the first. I was like, oh, too overcast. Have to wait till next year. That's amazing. Porky, get a lie.

So when Porky woke up that morning, he looked out his window, He could see right across to the volcano. He's like, yes, this is the day. He looked at his wife, Patty, and he said... Paddy and Porky. Batty and Porky. He looked at Patty and he said,

I have to go do it today. She said, it is 4 a.m. He's been talking to Patty about this for three years. That is a patient woman. Apparently, Patty replied, just don't make an ass of yourself. Porky recruited his mates, Harry Salsa, Ken Stedman, and Larry Nelson to help.

Harry Salsa. Yum. Was his friends named Cam? Sorry. Cam or can? Oh, Ken. That's on me, I'm guessing.

Salsa can. I thought that's what you said. It was... Oh, Harry Salsa, Ken Stedman, Larry Nelson. Nelson means dick as well, isn't it? No. No. Okay.

In certain circles. Prove me wrong. What does the full Nelson mean? That's a wrestling move, isn't it? That's a different. That is different. Not giving the full thing. He has a half Nelson, a full Nelson?

So if someone says I've got a half Nelson. You get mine now. I think I've been confused for a while there. Thank you, Dave. No, no. You've given me a half Nelson. I thought, I thought in the wrestling move I was giving him,

it was making them feel. All right. But now I understand. I accidentally stumbled upon something else. What a web we weave. What a wet we weave? I'm really just got to get this done. Fucking hell.

The pranksters had taken the precaution of notifying the FAA, the Federal Aviation Administration, controller of their plan. As the group returned to Sitka, the controller radioed them saying, you have clearance. And by the way, the son of a gun looks fantastic. They were on board.

I love that. The prank succeeded beyond Porky's wildest dreams. News of it got picked up by the Associated Press, those fucking gullible. Gallible fucking fools. I never trust them again. And ran in newspapers around the world. The reaction of people in Sitka once they realized the volcano

wasn't really erupting was almost uniformly positive. Which is interesting because a lot of these stories I've read, people did not enjoy these sort of pranks. Even the Coast Guard wasn't too mad about the stunt. When Porky was later at a 4th of July party, the Admiral walked over to meet him. Porky was afraid he was about to get chewed out, but instead the Admiral told Porky he thought the prank was classic.

Nays. High-fives all round. Porky's favourite response to the prank came in 1980. He received a letter from the attorney in Denver, inside of which was a clipping from the... the Denver post with a photo of Mount St. Helens erupting. Tatch was a note that read, This time, you little bastard, you've gone too far.

Bit of fun. Yeah, so that's that one. The next one's another one from the hoax's website. This one happened in 1965 with the BBC TV. They were interviewing a London University professor who had perfected a technology called smeller vision that allowed the transmission of smells over the airwaves. Viewers would be able to smell

aromas produced in the television studio in their own homes. The professor explained that his machine broke scents down into their component molecules, which were then transmitted through the screen. The professor demonstrated by placing some coffee beans and onions into the smeller vision machine. He asked viewers to report whether they had smelled anything. Numerous viewers called in from across the country to confirm that they had distinctly

experienced these scents. Some even claimed the onions made their eyes water. So, like, yeah, England, pretty clever country there. Yeah, that's, I mean, I definitely would have probably fallen for that too.

Do you reckon? Yeah, like in the olden days when everything just seemed possible. I wouldn't fall for it now. Yeah, but back then. But in 19, you know. 65 This next one happened in

1985, we're getting more modern This one was from Sports Illustrated when they published an article by George Plimpton that described an incredible rookie baseball player who was training at the Mets camp

in St. Petersburg, Florida. The player was named Sid Finch and he could reportedly pitch a baseball at 160 miles per hour with pinpoint accuracy. The fastest previous recorded speed for a pitch was 103 miles per hour. So that's a big jump.

The article wrote that Finch had been raised in an English orphanage before he was adopted by the archaeologist Francis White Finch, who was later killed in an airplane crash in Nepal. Finch briefly attended Harvard before he headed to Tibet, remembering this is all bullshit. Yeah. It was a wild backstory. I think they were trying to make...

Often these pranks are trying to be so ridiculous. Yeah. That no one could believe it. But... Surprisingly, Sid Finch had never played baseball before arriving at the Mets, but he had mastered the art of the pitch in a Tibetan monastery. Yeah. That's where they send you.

Yeah. Finch showed up at the Mets camp in Florida and so impressed their manager that he was invited to attend training camp. Finch wore a hiking boot on his right foot while pitching and his other foot was bare. He's a quirky character. His speed and power was so great that the catcher would only hear a small sound,

which was like this. Boom. Before the ball would land in his glove, knocking him two or three feet back. One of the players declared that it was not possible to hit Finch's pitches. Unfortunately for the Mets, Finch had not yet decided whether to commit himself to a career as a baseball player

or to pursue a career as a French horn player. He told the Mets management he would let them know his decision on April 1st, according to the article. Metz fans couldn't believe they're good luck and accepting at face value the peculiarities of Sid Finch's past flooded Sports Illustrated with requests for more information. But of course, the amazing player only existed in the imagination of author George Pinch's.

Plimpton, who had left a clue in the subheading of the article, which was, he's a pitcher, part yogi and part recluse, impressively liberated from our opulent lifestyle since deciding about yoga and his future in baseball. The first letter of each of these words taken together spelled, Happy April Fool's Day, a fib. That's pretty good. Pretty good one. It's no pigeon milk, but...

Yeah, you shouldn't have started with the best one. It's funny because they've evolved so much that now they're like, these days April Fool's Pranks are Tim Tam are doing Vegeamite flavour. Like I don't, yeah. The company I get dog food from

said they are releasing a candle that smells like wet dog. Apparently people tried to buy it. I also get that dog food and I thought that was real. Tell you someone who wouldn't have wanted to buy that. Daddy Warbox.

Now you have to do it. There was a movie in the olden days where there was a billionaire and he had one point there was a wet dog in his house but he couldn't see it but he could smell it. And then he said,

Why do I smell wet dog? It was a great It's probably my favorite cinematic moment. This one is a quick one from 1992. This one was from, on NPR's Talk of the Nation, when host John Hockenberry announced that Richard Nixon was running for US President again,

31 years after resigning in disgrace. His new campaign slogan was, I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again. Which is very good stuff. That's good stuff. The announcement was accompanied by audio clips of Nixon delivering his candidacy speech listeners responded by flooding the show

with angry calls. People were furious. Like, he could, he should never run again. This is ridiculous. Later in the show, host Hockenberry revealed that the announcement was an April Fool's joke. Nixon's voice was impersonated by a comedian Rich Little. So, yeah, sucked

in. He's fucking idiots. Rich Little was like a, you know, he'd made caricatures of their voices. It's funny that people bought it, but As we're learning, people are real stupid. So now we're going to get to this. This is the one that when the person who suggested it,

Lisa from Brisbane, she mentioned this one in particular when she suggested the topic. Perhaps the most famous one. I hadn't heard of it, so I don't know how true that is, but it was the brainchild of Charles de Jager. De Jager. De Jager was a cameraman on the respective. BBC news show Panorama.

Panorama was the BBC's flagship news program in 1950s boasting a viewership of 10 million. On April 1st, 1997, they ran a story about how spaghetti is made on the Swiss-Italian border. Hey?

A few prank fans in the front. Where my prank heads at. Or spaghetti fans. Yeah, which is it? Spaghetti. She's a fan of spaghetti. History of spaghetti. And I love that this is set where my ancestors lived on the Swiss-Italian border. They're one-16th of my ancestors now.

At the end of the weekly episode, the audience heard Richard Dimbleby, the show's highly respected anchor, discussed the details of the spaghetti harvest as they watched video footage of a Swiss family pulling pasta off spaghetti trees and placing it into baskets. They were told that the mild winter had resulted in an exceptionally heavy. heavy spaghetti crop. The segment concluded with the assurance that

for those who love this dish, there's nothing like real homegrown spaghetti. When the three-minute package was over, Dimblebee reappeared and said, now we say goodnight on this first day of April, really emphasizing the joke. But no one noticed that. They were too busy running around the house going,

oh my God. Did you know? It's a tree. It's a tree. We could buy in a packet on it. Oh my God. So a huge number of viewers were fooled, and the BBC phone lines rang hot with people wanting to know how to grow spaghetti themselves.

I'll call the network. Later that evening, the BBC broadcast a statement in which it informed viewers of the hoax. Despite this confession, calls continued to come in. The BBC operators eventually came up with a stand to reply for those. seeking information on how to grow their own spaghetti tree, which was, quote, Fuck off. Next.

Hello, is this about the spaghetti? Yes, fuck off. Next. Fuck off, you know. And also, don't breathe, you idiot. Fuck, hell. Like that, was it that? It's close, but it's slightly more polite.

They started saying, replying, what you've got to do is place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best. now fuck off part of the reason for the confusion was that spaghetti was not a widely eaten food in Britain during the 50s

although its popularity had been increasing since World War II many still considered it to be an exotic foreign dish its origin was evidently a real mystery to some among those fooled was Sir Ian Jacob the director general of the BBC who later admitted apparently he was sent a note

saying, hey, by the way, we're doing this prank tonight. But he didn't see the note. And he was watching the show, and he was like, freaking hell. And he later admitted that he went to his bookshelf, got the encyclopedia down, tried to find spaghetti. And he's like, I can't, there's nothing in here about it. Despite having fallen for it, Jacob, Sir Jacob, was a big fan.

He sent Charles de Jager a congratulatory note saying, quote, congratulatory. Some of them you're just going to let slide. I think, you know, I mean, you knew what I meant. Yeah.

Otherwise, you would have been able to correct me. So I think, really, you're the fool in this interaction. So this is what the congratulatory congratulatory.

Note. All right, let's go around the room. Everyone says one word. We'll get through this sentence. So the note said, Quote, the spaghetti harvest was a splendid idea, beautifully shot and organized. This item has caused a great deal of delight one way or another. Thank you very much indeed.

It was real sweet. I thought he'd be like the big sir boss guy. You'd be like, you made it full of me. You're fired. A lot of people get fired for April Fool's Day pranks. None that I'm mentioning. Anyway, I'm going to finish with three final April Fool's Day pranks. These ones are a little different though, because these ones,

April Fool's Day pranks gone wrong. I love a prank gone wrong. This sub-topic was suggested specifically by Sophie Shooter from Adelston in the UK. For the listeners, Jess is looking out into the crowd. It's not here.

No. Okay, so I've picked these out again from hoaxes.org. Keep in mind when I tell you these that I left out the grimest ones. These are going to be fucked They're not that They're not that bad They're not that bad

But the first one is called the dead dog What you do is you get a dog But it's not one of the grim ones You put the dog on top of a brick Someone's going to kick the dog I mean sure you kill the dog But the person who kicked There's also got a sore foot

So it's pretty fun Pretty good Pretty funny So I don't know if you remember the scene in National Lampoon's vacation where Chevy Chase ties a dog to the bumper of his car then forgets the dog is there and drives away. You know that scene?

So Paul... Another great name. Paul Gooby. Gooby! Gooby! Oh, that's good. Was inspired by this scene and he tied a dead chihuahua to the bumper of his co-worker's car.

Where did he get it? Where did he get it? Already dead. Already dead. Well, just according to the story, yeah. Where do you get a dead door? Oh, I don't know. And he tied it to a co-worker's car.

Co-worker's car. His co-worker was Kevin Malloy, and he got in the car and drove off unaware that the Chihuahua was there. Well, you're not doing a dog check before you get in the car, Kevin? Come on, Kevin. You bring him this upon yourself, man,

if you don't do a dog check. I'm going to do a dog check. Always do a dog check. You always do a dog check. so he's dragging the chihuahua behind the car and passing motorists were horrified but what made the it's so fun

what made the situation even worse was that Malloy was deaf so he couldn't hear the other motorists frantically honking at him happily he drove on for miles until someone was finally able to get his attention. Police charge Gooby with unlawful disposal of a dead animal.

We've all gone down for that one. Was there like a trail? Dave, why'd you take it there, mate? Come on. We're here having fun. Man, I'm definitely going to go on hoaxes.org later just to see what the grim ones are. If that's one of the upbeat, fun ones.

Man, I'm certain the way that they reacted to that, I should have done some of the real grim ones. They were, I could tell they were loving it. I loved it. I loved it. This one's less grim, but, you know, it's...

I don't know if I trust your measuring of grim now. Yeah. Yeah, all right. Well, this one happened in 2003. So, there's thousands of American-led coalition troops stormed across Iraq. The Iraqi ambassador... Oh.

Joke, there were never any weapons of master. Got you! Got you! Woo! Hilarious! You guys look so stupid right now. Oh my God. So the American-led coalition troops were storming across Iraq

when the Iraqi ambassador to Russia Abbas Khalaf Khunfush held a press... That only seems fucked if you laugh. You're laughing at... I think I nailed that, but... So... So Kunfuth held a press conference

in Moscow, many were expecting him to announce that Iraq conceded defeat. Instead, he chose this moment to hold a gag press conference. Holding up a piece of paper that he identified as a newsflash from Rooters, he read a loud from it. That's Reuters. Royders. I never get that one right. Reuters. From Rooters.

In your defence, the spelling is. it looks like Rooters Sorry, Reuters Sounds very fancy When he said like that Newsflash from Rooters And babe do you want to Roiters? Newsflash from Reuters

And he read aloud from it So he's called a press conference They're all going Oh, he's going to announce It's their conceding defeat But he holds this up And he reads it The Americans have accidentally

fired a nuclear missile Into British Forces Killing 7 Immediately the room the room full of reporters went silent with shock. Then Kunguth grinned and shouted, April Fools! Only a few days after the unexpected moment of levity,

the Iraqi government completely collapsed. He's having fun till the end. Just a bit of fun. Just a bit of fun. Guys, lighten up. I can imagine him saying that afterwards. Oh, come on. Do nuclear missiles often kill seven people?

The last one I'll read is it's sort of grim But it's not it's not that grim It's not dead dog grim I actually I pick this one I'm like this would be a nice way to finish But thinking about it It's not fucked But it's just it's kind of

Anyway whatever So It's got to be fucked Okay so Glenn Howlett's colleagues At London City Hall Thought they had dreamed up a great gag They sent him a memo

informing him that the really big report he was working on was going to be due early in just two weeks. So he thought he said months to go, but they're like, it's due in just the two weeks. The tip-off was that the memo was dated April 1st, huh? So if he was paying attention, he would have seen that. Except how it didn't realize it was a joke. He received the memo while on vacation

and immediately cut his vacation short and phone the office to tell everyone to start getting busy. But as he contemplated the new deadline, He worked himself up into an increasing state of panic until soon he began to experience heart palpitations. Finally, he collapsed from the stress and had to take leave from work. As he was recovering, recovering, see, not that grim.

He realized it just wasn't worth risking his health to finish the report, so he filed for early retirement. At which point, someone told him the early deadline was just a joke. He responded by suing for damages. As a consequence of the lawsuit, City Hall banned employees from pulling any more pranks. And that is the end of my report.

Yeah. Yeah, when I read that the first time, I'm like, oh, he's going to die, isn't he? Yeah. So I think that's why I thought it wasn't that grim because he survived it. But everybody else was going, he's going to die. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, fuck.

But a bit of fun. Suit him for damages. That's good. Yeah. I like it. Like he retired early because of a joke. They definitely could have told him sooner, you know? Yeah. Oh, no, no, don't cancel your holiday.

I'm so sorry. It's just a joke. Poor, didn't think it through. Sorry. Yeah, they waited until he retired. Yeah. Not even till like he took time off. He recovered from heart palpitations.

They're still going, no, I don't think it's the right time. But, you know, it's like you're too far in. Yeah. Oh, that's brutal. And very funny. Very funny. I reckon I never would have told him. Yeah.

Yeah, well, we wish you well in your retirement, and we got you a cake. Bye. Any questions? Dave, I reckon wrap it up. I feel like I nailed the timing there. Yeah, you're well there. Good job. I think they put that clock forward instead of backwards.

Forward instead of backwards. Oh, yeah. Otherwise, I went an hour over. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, I think they just didn't put it backwards. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's the smart ones.

That makes more sense. It's very worrying. When he does something dumb, it's like, oh, we're fucked. We really sweat then. Well, the time in my car became correct as of yesterday, so... Not relevant. Wrap it up, I reckon. I reckon David would definitely kick a hat.

I'm not a hat kicker. I reckon David kick a dog. On a brick. On a brick. On a brick. We'll be up the back signing bricks on the way out. So thank you. Thank you so much for coming out to our first live show here at the European Beer Cafe.

Of course we'd like to say thank you to the European Beer Cafe, which is hosting lots of shows for the Melbourne Comedy Festival. We've got Andrew Doody Doodoozen on sound. Thank you so much. We'll give me around and forth. And we'll be back here the next three Sundays. Yeah. Anybody else coming to more of them?

Me too. See that? That was an easy one. They are a pack of fuckheads. Oh, let's see if you can remember the title. Matt, you're doing a show at the comedy festival. What's it called? Ah, yes, yes, yes.

It's called Poisson. It's called hunk. No. Hunk, honk, fuck. It's called honk, hubber, hauber, ringer ding ding. And there's a discount code for you all, which is do go on, I believe. No space.

Is that do go on I believe? I'm bad at this. No. Just do go on, but not with the just. All that bit that I said it then. God, that's so long. It's impossible. It's impossible.

How do you do it? So the discount code is do go on. Cheering for a discount code. Yeah. I love saving three bucks. Well, thank you so much for coming out. We really appreciate you coming out on your Sunday night. We'll be back next week.

But until then, we'll say thank you so much and goodbye. Bye. Bye. Wow. Another incredible live performance. How does he do us? Wow. That was so good.

That was so good. What was your favorite part? Oh, probably the standing ovation. Yes, I loved the standing ovation. Well, it's one of the things where I liked it at first. Then it became awkward. but then I appreciate it again because I thought 10 minutes have passed

and these people are still applauding. Still going and you're like, you were begging them to sit down. Please, please, come on. There's another show after us. Yeah. And the person who's coming on after us actually came on stage and said,

no, you deserve this. Yeah, please. I'm going to cancel my show tonight. And that was a good call because they did applaud for another 45 minutes. It was very kind of Will Anderson to do that before us.

Thank you. And also that knocked out Arj Barker who was doing a late late show but Ard said, no. This is your moment. Yeah. We probably faded it out on the recording. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But if you were in the room, you'd know, obviously. But yeah, so that was obviously a highlight for us. We're back in the room now. It was such a big night for Matt that he had to go over lie down. Yeah, he's not here. He's not here. It's just just just Jess and Dave. But that's okay.

We're going to just do the Patreon stuff. We'll soldier on. Yeah, bravely. That's right. Because some people say that it's time now for, everyone's favorite part of the show. Yes. Which is the fact, quote, or question, brag or suggestion.

Correct. Which I think, I recall, has a little jingle and it might go something like this. Fact quote or question. Ding! Ah, he always remembers the ding. That I do. Now, this is the section where we thank and also just create a bit more content based on some suggestions, etc. From people that support the show on Patreon.

That's right. or through do go onpod.com or patreon.com such dogo on pod. And basically these are the people that have been supporting the show, some for many years now, which we absolutely appreciate. Chuck in a few bucks every single month. And in exchange for different levels we give out, three bonus episodes. Some of the most recent bonus episodes we just did a report on,

The Crash at Crush, which was what is a late 19th century organized train crash. Yeah. Where they had two old trains that didn't know what to do with. Yeah. So decided to. to crash them together. And charge admission.

And it went just as well as you would think it would go. Yeah. It went wrong. It was bad. So stuff like that. And also phrasing the bar, our monthly show, where we go through the films of Brendan Fraser,

the world's greatest actor in order. And we've recently done one of his most iconic film roles, the sequel to The Mummy, The Mummy Returns. Oh, man. And it's good. It's good fun. It's good fun.

I had the Mummy Returns game on Game Boy Color. Did you? So it was bringing back a few memories. Was it like a little platformer or like... Oh gosh, you're such a gamer now. What does that mean? You know the ones where it's like you're just running a long jump. It's like Mario.

Exactly. You're moving along, jumping over things and being attacked, shooting back at things. But it's moving from left, right, right to left. And yeah, and you also, we give shoutouts. You get to be part of a Facebook group also, which actually is a much nicer place than you think. You think your Facebook group. That's going to be, what's that going to be toxic? Yeah, Facebook group's always terrible.

Yuck. No, not this one. It's a very, very nice corner. It's beautiful. And we also have people on the fact quota question level who we get to give us a fact quota question each week. And we do four each week. And as I'm struggling, because I'm feeling in for Matt here on this section, I'm trying

to find the bit where. I've got them. I've got them. Do you want me to do it? Okay. I can do it. Please do. So, yes, you get to.

give yourselves a title. Our first fact quarter of question comes from Derek Brigham, Brian. Oh. Brianem. Brian. And Derek's given themselves a title that favourite scientist Matt keeps banging on about. That's funny. A bit of fun. And Derek has given us a fact. And Derek's fact is, light leaving the sun takes about eight minutes to reach Earth. But the process for those photons to get there took quite a bit longer. The sun is so dense, you can't say that. Don't be mean.

The sun's a real fool. I'm so dense that photons generate in the core, generated in the core, run into the tightly packed atoms over and over again, being absorbed and emitted in a random direction. All in all, the time it takes for light to get from the sun's center to its surface can be upwards of 100,000 years. What? Wow. Wow.

That's good. So the last eight minutes, that's a breeze for the photons. Yeah. Wow. Would you say that's obviously a very nerdy fact, but would you say it's fun? I don't know that I understand it. But yes. I think that's really fun.

Great. So thank you for that fact, Eric. I thought he was going to say like 100 minutes or something. 100,000 years. Yeah, wow. Whoa. Next time we have a suggestion from Drew, Foresberg, Drew's giving themselves the title,

Senior, Junior, Junior, Senior, Officianado of the Pod. Thank you very much. Drew, and I must say, I love a suggestion. Me too. And Drew's suggestion is, Get it up, yeah. Just kidding. As an American, I have taken a liking

to various Aussieisms over the years due to listening to this and many other podcasts out of Melbourne. How Goods Blank is probably my favourite. That's good. Like, how good's the sunshine? Oh, right. I thought he was saying how good's footy is the podcast.

How good. From Sand's fantasy, like. How's good. How good's blank. My actual suggestion is suggestible. Mr. Sunday's much less successful podcast that he does with his wife, Claire. Good day. Yeah, a fantastic podcast.

Yeah, a lot of fun. And I mean, how do you measure success, Drew? You know, that's, you know, oh, it's much less successful, but, you know, is it more rewarding? Then I'd say it's more successful. Yeah. Mr. Sunday's much more successful podcast, suggestible. Yeah, because he does it with Claire, who of her own right is an amazing podcaster and human being.

So, yeah, I would say it's more successful. Yeah. Thank you, Drew. Cop that mason, by the way. Next we have Dominic Stevenson. And Dominic has given himself the title, Locksmith. Very important. Very important.

Often. Often required. I like that a lot. We get locked out of the trip ditch club. Dominic's given us a quote. We don't get quotes as often, so this is exciting. But he starts with a bit of a preamble. Hello, lovely people.

Here is a silly joke from the world's oldest known joke book written in ancient Greek dated to the fourth century called Philogulus. Or love of laughter, philogulus. Here goes. An intellectual caught sight of a deep well on his country estate and asked a nearby farmhand if the water was any good. The farmhand assured him that it was good.

In fact, his own parents used to drink from that same well. The intellectual expressed his amazement. How long were their necks if they could drink from something so deep? Seems like that intellectual, bit of an idiot. Or maybe that farmhand's parents were giraffes. That's true. That's possible. Yeah, that was longest necks?

That possible? Or the intellectual was like, I'll set this one up And finally for the fact quote of question Nick Fidion Nick is giving themselves a title Senior junior senior vice president of being a junior fact bringer

Wow And after that you would really hope that Nick has brought a fact Yeah I hope so And in fact Nick has Thank goodness And that fact is the inventor of the Pringle's can Frederick Bauer Is now buried in one

He was so proud of his invention that he passed on this burial wish to his family. When he died at age 89, his children stopped at a shop on the way to the funeral home to buy the can. My siblings and I briefly debated which flavour to use, but I said, look, we need to use the original, has said his eldest son Larry of the burial. Do you reckon they ate the chips or just pour them out? You'd have to eat. It would feel wasteful otherwise. What flavour Pringles can do you want to be buried in?

Well, original was my favorite, but they've changed the flavor. And also, they've changed the size of the can. I wonder how annoyed the inventor would be if you knew that you can no longer get your hand in there. It's impossible. So I've gone right off Pringles. Yeah, fair enough. You used to be absolutely mad for them. I also felt that they were quite a premium special, maybe a couple times a year chip.

Yep. But now you're a millionaire. Exactly. They could be an everyday chip if you wanted them to be. But I'm a millionaire and they've changed the flavor. So it's like, what's the point of my mind? money. Yeah. I don't want to spend it on this. I'm not supporting this. This is awful. Yeah. What do you have a flavour? Um, I go through phases where I'm, I think there's

pringles in the house right now. Um, and it would be sour cream and onion. Good for you for having self control. Yeah. There's prinkles in the house. Yeah. I do like the salt and vinegar though. And they always come out with all sorts of fun flavors too, don't they? They go a bit wacky. Yeah. I'm never, I never try. Yeah. Not for me. Thanks. Cheeseburger flavor. No, thank you. I'm not going to spend $6 on a wrist. because yeah if this doesn't work out I'm going to be grumpy I believe now just it's time to thank a few more Patreon supporters yes absolutely

this is what we like to do for people who support us on the ass prod and above level I believe that's right we give him a shout out give him a little shout out say their name God they froth it oh they love it they said it they said Greg they said my name that's me and look fair enough because you've earned this by supporting us on Patreon,

which we absolutely adore you for. And we couldn't do it without you. That sounded sarcastic. That's true. Do you reckon anyone's ever got a free shout out before because they've got a very common name, like John Smith or something? And they've gone, I'll just pretend that's me.

Oh, that's good. Well, we do often say where they're from, but sometimes people don't say where they're from, and that's very understandable. Yes. So, yeah, I think, like, if it was that case, where they haven't specified location as well, then you could definitely take it.

And that's the benefit of having a really basic bitch name like me. But I mean, most of Jess Birkins is a great name. Great. Oh, I didn't say it. It's a fantastic name. Is it basic and very common? Yeah. I see what you're saying.

But I feel like our supporters really have very common. We have a, we have, our supporters have the most incredible names. So we shout out their names. Yes. And we also usually tie it back to the topic somehow. Oh, yes. And Jess,

I've actually forgotten. What was Matt's report on? Matt's report, which was recorded, obviously, before we've done this part, obviously, was about something sporty. Oh, he loves sport. He loves sport. So it was probably sport, you know? How are we going to tie the shout out back to a sport topic that we don't know what it was?

Okay, you might have put together by now that we are recording this ahead of time because we will not all be together again. Ever. Ever. This is how we're announcing it. No. We are recording this on a Thursday. We're doing the live show on a Sunday.

It's going to come out on a Wednesday. So we don't know what the topic was. Yes, because it's up to Matt. Matt's chosen the topic. He's put together the report. We don't know. And he's not here right now. He is here for the whole episode you just listen to.

It's going to get confusing for you. Yeah. Anyway, so we don't know what the topic is. is. So it's pretty hard to make the game relate back to the topic. So maybe we, what can we do for them? Like, we could just make up any kind of game or we could, we could be like what sort of topic they think it is. Okay, yes. Can we think of enough potential? Yeah, I'm sure we can. Yeah, okay. All right, great. So let's do it. So that's what they think the topic of. Yeah, exactly. This is their guesses on the topic that they've just listened to.

You retain information less than Jess. Imagine if we got it right, though. Wouldn't that be spooky? That would be spooky. Whoa. Well, there's only one way to find out. Or if the thing happens, we've talked about where what if Matt can't write the report for Sunday and I have to do it or something.

Yeah. Oh my God, yes. It is a topic. I know what it is. Because Matt's not here right now because he's feeling unwell, not COVID. And we're doing the live show in a few days. So we're hoping that it'll be recovered enough to write and report a topic before. You're right.

It could be you. This is wild. Sorry, everyone. We've become unhinged, but what do these people think the topic is? Yeah, that's what we're going to do. Do you want to kick it off? Please, I would like to thank from Mesa or Mesa in Arizona.

Paige Carroll. Page Carroll. Fantastic name. Page reckons that Matt's topic or Dave's topic was about something that happened in Baltimore. Oh, a Baltimore crime. Yes, a Baltimore crime, but like a funny crime. You don't want to do like a serial killer or a murder at a live show. It'll probably be a funny crime.

Funny crime. Like stealing cars and then making them better and giving them back. That's funny. Yeah. Oh, that's a good crime. If you like gets like someone's normal Nissan Pulsar hatchback from 1999, great car. Steal it to your grandmas.

Yep. You steal it, you put Noss in the car and then give it back. Granny doesn't know. Grady doesn't know, she nosses it up on the highway. A victimless crime. You know, a funny cry. A funny cry. Paige, I wish that that was the topic.

I hope it's true. I hope it's true, Paige. I hope that's what we just heard an hour of. I would also like to thank from Footscray in Victoria, in Australia. Bridget Jolly. Ah, Bridget. I'm pretty sure Bridget and I went to school together. Oh, okay.

Well, is Bridget a fan of Nicholas Cage movies? Absolutely. Bridget is, yes. I think that Bridget thinks that Matt just did an hour of the life and times of Nicholas Cage. Wow. Yeah. That would make for a good live show. That would be fun.

That would just be a great show. That would just be a great moment in my life. Just hearing about Nick Cage. I was struck down with the COVID recently and I went into the Nicholas Cage movie marathon. How many movies did you watch? I watched three. So it's not that many. That's a marathon still.

It was gone in 60 seconds. Yep. The Rock. Yeah. And Conair. Okay. If I could round that out, I would add in Face Off. Okay.

I haven't seen Face Off in such a long time. I think I'm well overdue for a viewing. They're acting when they, him and John Travolter, do impressions of each other. It's very funny. Because it's bad. Oh, it's so over the top. Yeah. Nick Cage goes full Nick Cage.

Well, you don't say. Which I appreciate. And I would like to thank from Chicago, Illinois. It's Alyssa Holland. Elissa Holland. Betts. Big money. that Matt does a report on looking around the room on the rubber glove murders.

Is that because you looked over and saw her in the apartment next door that someone was being murdered with a pair of... Instead of doing anything to help them, I've continued to do the podcast because I'm a professional. That's right. We will call the police when we hit stop. It'll be another 20-ish minutes. Stop waving your arms at me.

Yes, I see you. I see you. Do you see this microphone in my hand? I'm busy. Rude. Thanks, Alyssa. I wait. I hate my neighbors.

Well, one of them won't be there for much longer. I would like to thank from location unknown. Fortress of the Mall. We can only assume it is deep within the Fortress of the Moles. Claudia Covini. Ooh. Claudia Coveny. Coveny, yeah, that's, that might be it.

And Claudia reckons that Matt has just done a report on the much acclaimed Australian series starring Claudia Carvin. Oh, great, which one? Love my way. Love my way. Fantastic. Yes, yeah. Yeah, one of those. Yeah.

One of those ones I was just too young for. Yeah, same. But very influential here in Australia. Huge. Huge. So that's pretty cool. Well, I hope that Matt is old enough to report on Love My Way. Yeah, big time.

So hopefully we... He didn't even need to do any research. He just told us the whole plot. It was a real Michelle Brazier move and it paid off in a big way. People love the Michelle episode. Why would Matt not do it? It's because people are smart and that episode was fantastic. It was great.

Hey, how about I do one more than I throw it over to you? Okay. I'd like to think from Tolassian or Tolest to Leson in Arizona as well. Do you know each other? Arizona, how big could it be? How big could it possibly be? Nick Penna. Nick Penna.

Or Nick Peena. No, probably Penna. Nick Penna is hoping we will that Matt has done a report on the history of ice. Ooh, how did they first make it? Where's it from? How did the cavemen make it if they didn't have little ice things for the freezer? Exactly. What do they do?

What did cavemen do before ice mould? How did you keep your drink cold? I would like to know about how they, first started making ice. Yeah. Well, yeah, how did we do it before freezers? Yeah, you know what I mean? I do know what you mean.

That's why I asked the question. Well, hopefully. I asked a question and you said, do you know what I mean? Well, do you? Do you know what I mean? I feel like you don't know what I mean. No.

I think that would have been a good report, actually. History of Vice. History of Ice. Nick Penner, you're on to it. That's pretty good. I'd write that down for future reports, actually, Dave. I'll thank some people as well. I would absolutely love to

from Chicago, Illinois, Rory McSweeney. Rory McSweeney. Fantastic name. Godzilla. That'd be a good report. Yeah, it would be pretty good. Rory's hoping for a full report on Godzilla,

the many different versions that have been made of Godzilla. There's like dozens of movies. Yeah, heaps. Are there comic books as well, maybe? Probably. Probably. Yeah. Well, I don't know.

Look it up. I had some Godzilla pajamas in the 90s when the... Did you? Like the thing was 97-98 movie. Yeah. Godzilla. I love that movie. I didn't say that they did a similar-ish one a couple of years ago.

Yes, they did. Did you see that? It was just a bit more serious. But I saw it. It can't be. But you have to see Godzilla versus Kong. Oh, is that good? It's horrendous.

Awesome. Like it's so fun to watch because it's terrible. Are they the same size? Yep. Similar. Yeah, very similar. And it's so. stupid. I'm sorry if you're listening and you love that movie. I saw it in the cinemas as well.

I think we were like out of a lockdown and we hadn't been to the movies in a long time and I just wanted popcorn and I wanted to watch a shit movie. Oh my God, did it deliver. That sounds fun. It's so good. So definitely check it out. Um, awesome. Actually, like this could be a report. Keep. Yeah. Stay tuned. We're coming out with some great ideas here. I think so too. I would also love to thank from Victor Harbour in South Australia, Crystal. Hello, Crystal. How about, I know you're a fan of a house plant. You are sitting in a room at my house, surrounded by plants.

What about some sort of like house plant movement. Oh, okay. Yeah. What do you mean by house plant movement? I feel like they've become more popular. Yeah. Over the last decade or so. Yeah, I would agree with that.

I don't think there were that many plants inside the house when I was growing up. Why not? An investigation. had a house and a backyard full of plants. You didn't need this. Didn't need it inside. I live in an apartment on the third floor. I can see trees out my window, but a bit of green inside the house.

It's good for the soul. So the answer is generational housing inequality. Exactly. So, you know, the report will be pretty heavy, to be honest. Yeah. You thought you're going to get some fun house plans? What would it be just Matt listing types of houseplants? You got a Monsterra.

You got a snake plant. aloe vera, etc. Thank you, Crystal. A couple more. I would love to thank from East Fremantle, East Friot in W.A. Bree, Finlay. Bre finlay. Beautiful name.

Love that. Bree Finlay. West Friot. Beautiful part of the world. Ooh, Bree Finlay. Oh, okay. Ooh, does that give you anything? Bree Finlay.

It made me think of a fillet of fish. Okay, yeah. We've already done McDonald's. but what about um well it's a brie like a big old chunk like a large slice of brie cheese cooked like a fillet of fish then that's a report so now yes okay it's not good if you have something else go for it but no i think there is something in brie i feel like we could talk about history of cheese yeah and specifically soft cheeses Who fucking milked a cow and then thought we can make some stuff out of that.

Do you know what I mean? No, that's a bit. Who thought of that? Who saw that liquid coming out of a cow and went yum yum? Let me put this away in a cave for a few months. You know, some cheeses are made in caves. What do you think of that? Yeah, I'm just going to leave this for a bit.

See what happens. Come back. Huh. It's cheese. It's moldy. So it this tastes like. This is very nice. Disgusting.

That's so delicious. So delicious. But also gross. Discussing me thinking about it too much, but I love Bluetooth so much. Almost anything is disgusting when you think about it too much. Yeah. How humans exist is weird. Mm, yuck.

Thank you, Bree Finlay. Sorry about everything. And finally, I would love to thank from Fortitude Valley in Queensland. Jack Daly. Jack Daly, good advice. Oh, Jack. You must get that all the time. I'm so sorry.

But it's very funny, sir. History of low-hanging fruit. Jack Daly wishes. The report was on Betty Crocker. Okay. Betty Crocker and me. Yes, that's right. I feel like I know very little about Betty Crocker.

Well, exactly. Because Betty Crocker isn't actually a person. I was going to say, is it even a person? No. I read this recently. It's a fictional character. But for a while there, people thought she was a real person because I think they, I think they're the right person.

They hired, like, actors to portray her on TV and stuff. This is already a good report. So it's just a character, maybe a mini report. I don't know how much info is there. But, you know, a fun cake mix. And cake mix is great because it's easy. And anybody can do it.

So that's a bit of fun. Looking up, Betty Crocker founded 100 years ago last year. Wow. So if Betty was still alive, she would be quite old. She would be so old. And it would be like, Betty, retire. Do you know what I mean? like give it just it's okay that's what i'd be saying so on on television and radio broadcast betty crocker

was portrayed by several actresses on radio by marjorie hustled for 20 years 20 years on radio wow and she still got all dressed up in the uh the betty crocker look every time for radio nobody explained what radio was to her that's impressive she also wrote her own radio scripts there you Wow. She lived to be 94. Whoa. Why don't you look for 20 years? Stay in the game.

Forever. You have to stay in one job forever, do you, Dave? Get your head out of your ass, Dave. I'm not sure of this is real. We are basically doing a report now, but until recently, this is from Marjorie Husted's Wikipedia. Until recently, when the company admitted she was not a real person, Husted answered to the name Betty Crocker for visitors to General Mills, which is the, I believe, the multinational manufacturer market.

in charge. So she'd just kind of wander around to the office. Oh yes. It's, I'm Eddie Crocker here. Oh, hello. I'm very busy. You're thinking up cakes. I've just thought of a new one.

It's an orange and gravy cake. Ooh, they're not all good ideas. Tud-to-do. I think this is for a hauteur's legs. Hopefully Matt did it. I think we're just losing our fucking minds. If we got any of those even vaguely close, you have to be pretty proud of us.

Let us know. Please. But that brings us to the final part of everyone's favorite section of the show. And that is where we thank some of our long-term patrons and we welcome them into the Trip Ditch Club. This is where you have supported the show on the... It's not Sydney Shyberg. What is it?

Is it? I believe this is the Sydney-Symburg Deluxe package. Is it for three years? Oh no. Sorry, it's the shout-out level and above for three years. Yeah, that's right. You're right. If you've been on the chat at that level, sorry.

For three consecutive years, which is an amazing effort. And we thank you for it. And if you reach the Dizzy Heights, then you are welcome to the Tripitch Club, which is like a cool, exclusive club, but not in a dickish way. And once you're in, you can't leave. But not in a scary way. Not a scary way. And we have hors d'oeuvres and cocktails and a band playing and Matt's at the door,

and he welcomes you in. I organize cocktails This one is the Insert name here Cocktail And that is just Whatever this show was about It's that

Cocktail And it's made with Raspberry Um Lemonade And Whiskey And it is bad Whoa

It's pretty bad Um Dave you usually book a band Have you booked anybody for this week? Yeah, amazing I have booked, I assume that it relates to the episode somehow. Ferrell Williams.

Yes. We'll be stopping by. Great. Because I'm happy. Yeah. Aren't we all? Farrell. That Farrell's here.

So there you go. All right. We're going to thank some people. How do you want to do this, Dave? Oh yeah. So basically we welcome these people into the club. Usually Matt reads out the name. I hype them up as the hype man.

And then Jess hipes me up as my hype woman. Yeah. So I will read the names. You can hype them and I'll hype you. Thank you. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because, and I'll keep the momentum going because Matt always ruins the flow.

Yeah, for sure. By criticizing you. And it's like, well, you can't do any better. So, firstly, from Ottawa in Canada, I would love to thank Erica, Paradise. Is it Paradise? Parody. In fact, it's Paradise. when you're here.

That's my. Yes. Woo, Erica, yeah. I think you're right. It might be parody. Sorry, Erica. I would also love to thank from Kenilworth. That sounds like a fake place from England.

Kettleworth. In Great Britain, Jason Ran. Jason ran into the club and made everyone's nice. Jason ran. Thank you, Jason. I would also love to thank from Taupo in New Zealand, H.C. H. H.C.

Standing for Happy. Chappie. Happy Chappie. From London, I would love to thank Chloe Edwards. Chloe, you make me feel glad I'm not Deadwoods. It's one of my favorite things that's ever happened. And from Las Vegas, I would love to thank Vinnie Giovanni Bonadonna. What a great name.

More like Winchenzo Winnie. Yes. Win. Yes. Yes. Because it's a win that he's here. And he's a winner. You are a winner in our eyes.

And finally, from Tingalpa. Tingelpa in Queensland? Brett Lee. Brett Lee. Happy me. Yes. To see thee. Brett Lee.

It's Shakespeare for you, Brett. Incredible. Thank you. Brett. Vinnie, Chloe, Jason and Erica. And H.C. of course. Happy Chappy. Happy Chappie.

And welcome to the Tripitch Club, you lucky, lucky little devils. Who are all so lucky. So lucky. Have you on? to join them or anyone else we shout it out and you want to get these bonus episodes or just help out the show. You can go to patreon.com slash do go on pod or do go onpod.com. And that's the same place, Jess, where you can suggest a topic. Yes, you can. Just like the fantastic one Matt did today. Oh, God, it was good, wasn't it? What a story. And you don't have to be, you know, supporting us in any

financial way to suggest a topic. Anybody can do that. So yeah, there's a link in the show notes to the suggestion form or yes, on our website. If you want to get in touch with us, you can do so at dogoonpod.com. and do go on pot at gmail.com and do go on pot on all social media. So bloody get in touch. That is absolutely right, Jess. And we should say that if you enjoyed today's episode and you're in Melbourne or you can get to Melbourne

the next three Sunday nights at 8.45pm at the European Beer Cafe. We will be recording some live episodes. And this Sunday, April the 10th, 2022 if you are in town, you will see us on stage with the fifth Beatle himself, Nick Mesao Mason. Yeah. You're the hero that we all needed. We're so excited for to share the stage once again,

or for him to share his stage with us. Yeah, exactly. So you can get tickets for that at do go onpod.com. And we would love to see you there. Man, it would be so good. Thanks to everyone that did come out to the show. We really appreciate it. But I guess that's it, Jess.

That's it. So again, thank you so much for listening. We'll be back next week with another episode. But until then, I'll say thank you so much. And goodbye. Ladies. Bye. Very badly indeed.

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