Two In The Think Tank - 337 - The History of April Fools Day

Episode Date: April 6, 2022

Why did April 1 become the day of pranks? It's been around for a long time, but no one knows for sure - in today's episode we explore some of the theories before going through some of history's most memorable April Fools Day pranks, enjoy!Come to our live podcasts in April: https://www.trybooking.com/BXSIVSee our quiz show live in Melbourne: https://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2022/shows/the-quiz-showSee Matt and Alasdair live in Melbourne (with discount code 'dogoon'): https://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2022/shows/honk-honk-hubba-hubba-ring-a-ding-dingSupport the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: dogoonpod.com or patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.britannica.com/topic/April-Fools-Dayhttps://blogs.loc.gov/folklife/2016/03/april-fools/https://edition.cnn.com/2019/04/01/us/best-april-fools-day-pranks-trnd/index.htmlhttp://hoaxes.org/worstaprilfools.htmlhttp://hoaxes.org/aprilfoolhttps://www.bu.edu/articles/2009/how-a-bu-prof-april-fooled-the-country Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Just jumping in really quickly at the start of today's episode to tell you about some upcoming opportunities to see us live in the flesh. And you can see us live at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2024. We are doing three live podcasts on Sundays at 3.30 at Basement Comedy Club, April 7, 14 and 21. You can get tickets at dogo1pod.com. Matt, you're also doing some shows around the country. That's right. I'm doing shows with Saren Jaya Mana, who's been on the show before. We're going to be in Perth in January, Adelaide in February,

Melbourne through the festival in April, and then Brisbane after that. I'm also doing Who Knew It's in Perth and Adelaide. Details for all that stuff at mattstuartcomedy.com. hey mates just matt here dropping in before we start the show to let you know that we have moved

our quiz show at the comedy Festival to a bigger room. We sold out the whole run, so they've offered us a larger room at the Town Hall. And, yeah, the next two Monday nights, we've got more tickets available now, which is really exciting. Please do come along. We had a great time for the first show with Rhys Nicholson and Michelle Brazier on Monday.

And Sunday as well, we had a great time doing our live podcast. There's three more of those to go. Tickets still available. Links below. Also, if you want to come see me at the Comedy Festival, come to Hong Kong, Carver Hub, or Ring-a-Ding-Ding and use the discount code DOGOON. That is all one word.

And hopefully we'll see you at one, two, or all of those shows. That would be amazing. Now let's get on with the show. Hello, Melbourne. Yeah. All right. If I say that, it makes it sound like we've been on some massive international tour. Yes! How are you going? Alright.

Thank you so much for coming out. Welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is David Warnocki and, well not as always, I'm standing alone on stage right now. But could you please put your hands together and welcome to the stage Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart. Yes. Woo! You know how normally the theme songs start and they start clapping? Yeah.

I had to start it this year and that doesn't feel good. You started the clapping? Yeah. I did a woo. That sounds awful. I felt like a piece of shit. You started the clapping. Yeah. I did a woo. That sounds awful. I felt like a piece of shit. You did that to me. And you're really going to have to work hard to win my love back.

That's how you get them. Yeah. Yeah, be a real c**t. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that'll get them. Oh, I remember there's a boy over there. Sorry about that.

Sorry to you, boy. It's probably the first time you've heard such language. And I apologise. Damn it. Round of applause. Any other boys in tonight? Sort of like to meet the audience. Did I see a boy?

The boy has left. Oh. He's 20. Okay. I'm quite old. They're only 20-year-old boys. Thanks for coming out. You're here, we're here.

We may as well do a podcast. Who's heard the podcast before? Great. Who hasn't heard the podcast before? Great Who hasn't heard the podcast before? That's okay Was that the boy? That was the boy I sound like a 20 year old boy

Thank you little boy Thanks for coming boy Thanks for taking a chance on us And we won't pick on you Other than Most of the night. Nah, nah, nah, you'll be right. Help me. Great.

Do you want me to explain how it works? Is that good? No, you can... No, no, I feel like Jess should explain. Yeah, okay. She feels like she's in hot form. So if you could explain how the show works, Jess. Of course, easily.

So there's three of us, hello. Of course. Easily. So, there's three of us. Hello. And we take it in turns researching a topic and telling each other about it. The other two listen very politely, don't interrupt, and we all laugh, learn, out of here in a tight one hour.

Love that. The three L's. Well, I mean, Matt's doing it. Is it going to be an hour, Matt? Well, if we have to leave in that time, then yes. But Peter's finished this with to be continued and we will go home. How exciting. We always start with a question as well. Matt, have you written a question? I have written a question. You've just got to scroll back your 18 pages. Don't look at it. Don't look at it. You alright there? You alright with that? Would you like this? Oh actually, before we get started, you know we, for a while there were people sending us songs they were making about the show. Yeah. Someone emailed this week Dusty Sandane and he spelled it out phonetically,

which was meant to help me say it more fluently, and I don't know if I nailed it. Sandane. I'd love to see you in a language class. Repeat after me. Sandane. So he sent it through and I listened to it and I don't understand it. Normally they're like, hey, this is a Do Go On song and da-da-da.

But this one is Stranger. So I thought we'd play it and then maybe everyone here can explain it to me. Okay. Or can be baffled along with me. Great. So Doody, do you want to hit that tune? Pump it up a little. Okay.

Getting Golden girls vibes Yeah I said he was inspired by your bass Growing in it as well Blue I think that's us isn't it Blue That's us To a T

That's us I think that's us isn't it What's interesting Matt Is that you and Dave have blue eyes and I have green eyes. What? That's true. So it's like you and I should swap, but it just works. I know.

Am I a wanker for looking blue then? Yeah. Essentially you're just saying I love my own eyes. They're beautiful. I know. That's us. Oh! Like don't get me wrong, I love it.

I just don't understand it. I don't get it. Yeah, that's good art. I love it. I just don't understand it. I don't get it. Yeah, that's good art. I love it. I don't know what I mean. I don't get it, but it made me feel something. I couldn't hear, like, most of what we were saying. I think it was mostly me talking about eye colour.

Yeah. And the songs are meant to sort of describe how the show works, and in a way, they're not bad. Every time Matt came in, I was like, is that Matt or is that Barry White? Yeah. Did anyone else have a good feeling there? I love the snakes. Sexy slither.

One of his famous lines. So thank you to Dusty Sandinay for... How do you do that without notes? That's ridiculous. God, he's good. Jeez, that's good. God, he's good. All right, so I am going to get us onto a topic with a question.

Great. The question is, on what day of the year might you hear someone say you couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine? Oh, Christmas Day. You idiot. It's Halloween. No.

Thought this was an easy one. Is it the 1st of April? Whacking Day. Very white, very good. Yeah, right, okay. No, it's April Fool's Day. Yes, April the 1st Is that what you said?

Yeah I drifted off Very briefly This was suggested by Lisa from Brisbane Okay, Lisa, you win They never are It hurts so much They never are

We had a little seat reserved for her She never came So I'm going to kick off with some words from Britannica, which is like a compendium of information online. Although the day has been observed for centuries,

its true origins are unknown and effectively unknowable. I would say that most days have been observed for centuries. There you go. It's called a calendar Alright, there's a bit of padding in this April What does it mean?

It resembles festivals such as the Hilaria of Ancient Rome Held on March the 25th and the Holy Celebration in India, which ends on March 31st. Some have proposed that the modern custom originated in France in August 1564, when Charles IX decreed that the new year would no longer begin on Easter, as it had been common throughout Christendom, the Christian world, but rather they were moving the start of the year to January 1st.

The Pope did that. Do you know that? I didn't know that. It used to start on Easter whenever that was. How fucking tricky is that? See, in the new year, whenever that is, it's going to be with the moon. See, in the new year, whenever that is, someone will be with the moon.

Yeah, because it was a moveable day. Those who clung on to the old ways were the April fools. That's one theory. Oh, you're still doing New Year's at Easter? You fucking fool. You're a dog, you're a fool. We laugh at you. I feel like we don't use fool enough anymore.

Well, we are tonight. Others have suggested that the timing of the day may be related to the vernal equinox, a time when people are fooled by sudden changes in the weather. You got me again. You're getting wet, you fool! Someone said that so stupid.

I can't agree more. There are variations between countries in the celebration of April Fool's Day, but all have in common an excuse to make someone play the fool. In France, for example, the fooled person is called... I know your French is better than mine.

I'll have a crack, Poisson d'Avril. I mean... I don't speak French, but that sounds perfect. Poisson d'Avril. That's very good. Is that an April croissant? Is that what you're saying? It means April fish

Poisson Means fish And I learnt that on an old TAB ad But Doesn't matter There was a guy He just wanted a lot of money at the tab And he ordered

He went to a fancy restaurant And he goes I'll have a steak And poison for the wife And then the guy The waiter goes went to a fancy restaurant and goes, I'll have a steak and a poison for the wife. And then the waiter goes, filet mignon and poisson. And I've finally been able to use that

information. Here tonight. Great ad. Great, great ad. So, yeah, apparently this April fish thing might be in reference to fish being abundant at this time of year in France. So they're very easily caught. So they're like, oh, these fish, they're such fools.

Look at me catch them. You little idiots. Yeah. Little wriggly fuckers. You fucking morons. Foolish fish. Can I just imagine no one's around? Yeah.

And he's saying all this just to no one. You fucking idiot. Apparently it's still common for French children to pin a paper fish on the backs of unsuspecting friends. Oh, that'll get them. They've got a lot of great culture in France, haven't they? Their friends would look like such a fool The next bit sounds a bit like Britannica is fooling me

But anyway, let's have a crack at it In Scotland the day is Gokey Day For the goke Or cuckoo A symbol Cuckoo? A symbol Well, you will wait.

A symbol of the fool and the cuckold, or cuck, which suggests that it may have been associated at one time with sexual licence. I don't know what that means. I thought I had to read it out, because cuck is so fun to say. And people have called me it a bit. It's a good reason. I'm a big old... Big old soyboy cuck, so...

According to Stephen Winnick, writing for the American Folklife Centre, another theory placing the origin of April Fool's Day in the Roman Empire dates to the reign of Emperor Constantine. According to this story, a group of fools or jesters convinced Constantine to make one of them king for a day. Constantine obliged and one of the jesters, named Kugel, was appointed to the position.

He decreed that it would be a day of jollity and thus created what came to be called April Fool's Day. The only problem with this story is it was an April Fool's hoax in itself, started by history professor Joseph Boskin. Gotcha. In 1983, Boskin was working at the Boston University. Boskin was working at Boston. Yeah. That's good. Thatkin was working at Boston. Yeah.

That's good. That would have been a nightmare. Yeah. So he was contacted by the AP, the Associated Press, a reporter there who wanted to ask about the history of April Fool's. He was a history guy, so he thought he was a good guy to ask. According to the Boston University website, Boskin recalled, I said, I don't know anything about the holiday and

I really can't be of help to you. The reporter said, don't be so modest. When the reporter kept pushing, Boskin says, I created a story. One of Boskin's closest friends had always loved the Jewish noodle pudding, Kugel. That is quite a sentence. So say it again. One of his friends had always enjoyed. So, say it again. One of his friends... One of his friends had always enjoyed...

One of his closest... What a weird thing to pop in your mind when you come up with a story, but one of his closest friends had always loved the Jewish noodle pudding Kugel. Could be Kugel? Kugel, I think. No, it's Kugel. Just because it makes that sentence so good. That popped into his head and he decided to tell the story of a jester who became king, King Kugel.

One of Boskin's fields was medieval history, so he concocted a convincing tale. Since I was calling New York, where Kugel is famous, and it was April Fool's Day, I figured he would catch on, Boskin recalled. Instead, he asked how to spell Kugel. As he was telling the outlandish story, he kept expecting the reporter Kugel. As he was telling the outlandish story, he kept expecting the reporter

to wise up to what he was doing, but all he heard was the clatter of a typewriter on the other end of the phone. When AP published the story, Boskin got calls from the Today Show and other reputable news outlets asking him to go into more details about the origins of King Kugel. And the story was born.

The truth came out when he was teaching a class a few days later going, all right, you really can't be a sucker. Like when you're working in media, you know, there's going to be, you've just got to use your brain basically. And in that class was an editor of another newspaper and they published the story about it the next day and the AP was very embarrassed. And furious.

They rang up and yelled at him. Did they feel like they looked like a bit of a, I don't know, what's the word? A poisson. De avril. I think so. Yeah. I think so.

Oh, God. The first certain reference to April Fool's Day, according to Winnick, comes from a 1561 Flemish poem by Edward de Deen. In the poem, a nobleman sends his servant on crazy fruitless errands. The servant recognises that he's being sent on fool's errands because it's April the 1st. Edward de Deen's trick in which someone is assigned an errand

to find a non-existent object or person was still a popular April Fool's joke centuries later. A 1902 article in the Akron Daily Democrat details some of the common pranks of the day, writing, one of the most popular amusements of April the 1st is the sending of persons on fruitless errands. Unsophisticated persons are sent to the bookstores for a copy of the history of Eve's grandmother

or to the chemist's shop for pigeon's milk. That is good stuff. Eve doesn't have a grandmother. No. She's the first one. She's the first one. How could she have a grandmother? Don't understand the pigeon's milk one though. That doesn't make any sense. Oh, She's the first one. She's the first one. How could she have a grandmother? Don't understand the pigeon's milk well, though. That doesn't make any sense.

Oh, because you're going to a chemist. A chemist is not going to have it. That's true. You want to go straight to the wholesaler. That's right. The pigeon. What you want to do is you want to catch a pigeon. You want to squeeze it real hard.

Oh, yeah. I didn't say it's dead or anything. Maybe it likes it. Crab and nerds. Oh, be nice to the pigeon. Nobody wasn't being nice to the pigeon. God.

It's nice to be squeezed. Like a little cuddle for the pigeon. Should I? I might shut up for a little cuddle for the pigeon. I might shut up for a little bit. Who doesn't like a good old squeeze to your produce milk? I'm the first to admit it. That's real virgin

talk, Dave. Real, real virgin. Dave ruined it. Please squeeze me. In 16... We definitely remember how to do these shows. We're doing really well. Yeah, it's feeling good.

Yeah, I'm going to fight someone. In 1698, the first April Fool's Day prank on record occurred. The prank... This is a good one. You're going to love this. This is... It's maybe... This can't be better than pigeon milk. It's maybe one level up from pigeon milk. Yes, yes.

The prank had people tricked into going to the Tower of London in England to see the, quote, annual lion washing ceremony. When they arrived, they were disappointed to find there were no lions being washed at all. disappointed to find there were no lions being washed at all. That's so funny to me, but... Apparently thousands of people, like... Turned up to watch a lion get washed. We'll get this.

This is from hoaxes.org. Hoaxes dot org so this is from that website saying I mean you

can't trust anything on that website they wrote for well over a century after this prank, the prank of sending unsuspecting victims

to see the washing of the lines at the Tower of London remained a favourite April Fool's Day joke. A century. For a century. Every year this continued. In the mid-19th century, pranksters even printed up official-looking tickets that they distributed around London on April 1st, promising admittance to the non-existent annual lion washing ceremony.

So when did they wash the lions? Imagine they do it on April 2nd every year. Oh, my God, I miss it. I miss it. But the lions get to have a bath in peace. That's nice, actually, isn't it? But, yeah, so anyone, if you're from out of town, that was the old con. Oh, you're not getting it.

This is big. Everyone goes to see the lions get washed. Thousands of people. But as, like, okay, let's say you're a local and you see a tourist walking past and they're like, what should I say? No, I'm doing an English accent. They're not English. I won't do an accent.

They say. No, go on. No, no, no. They say, what should I do while I'm here? And you say, oh, well while I'm here and you say oh well I mean go check out

but then you you don't go with them so you don't know if they go you don't like what's the payoff for you as the person

being like go get have a look at that you know what I mean I don't I mean it's I think it's beautiful I don't know why

you're trying to unpick it like that yeah it's beautiful. I don't know why you're trying to unpick it like that. Yeah, it's true. They thought they were going to be lions washed. I don't know if you get it or not. I don't think I get it. It's very funny. The saddest thing for me to imagine is that it was every year for 100 years, but the 101st year, imagine being the only person to turn up.

That's the saddest thing. And asking about it. Oh, no. Oh, mate. This isn't even a joke anymore. Yeah, this is just sad. It's over. The first written down record of it happening in America that I saw was in 1771 in a diary

entry by Anna Green Winslow in Boston. This entry seems to suggest that Winslow's prank is either trying to get her mum to remember something that didn't happen, which is funny, or get her mum to remember being pranked by her dad, which is also very funny. Okay. And this is what she wrote. Will you be offended, Mama, if I ask you if you remember the flock of wild geese that Papa called you to see flying over the blacksmith's shop

this day three years? I hope not. I only mean to divert you. Note, it is the 1st of April. Hee hee. I added the hee. You added the hee? I added the hee.

Wow. That felt very of the time. So that was actually very good. Yeah, thank you. I thought I needed a little something. It felt very of the time. So that was actually very good. Yeah, thank you. I didn't understand a word of that. Yeah, I think she's writing a letter to her mum being like, remember that time that Dad told you to go look at those geese flying? God, they didn't have much to do back then, did they?

Three years later. So she was either going, remember that funny prank Dad did on you? There weren't any geese or it's her the prank is her going hey remember this thing didn't happen but

anyway gotcha he he but he he gotcha you fool I um I did

I had the thought to not read that bit out because I thought it was a bit baffling and then you oh the bit you not read that bit out because I thought it was a bit baffling. And then you, oh, the bit you just read. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then you read it. I read it out anyway. Is that one of the bits where before the show you were telling me

there's a few bits that I might not read? And I just accidentally started it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was too far into it. Yeah. But definitely could have probably chopped that bit. Nah, I reckon it's fine. It was fine.

I mean, you didn't. Yeah, yeah. I think that's all right. I'd say just move on. Okay. I can edit it out later. Yeah. You swing and you miss sometimes.

That's all right. I'm going to keep referring to it throughout the next demo. Hee hee. Winnick writes that by the late 1800s, April Fool's Day tricks had developed into more elaborate forms. You're going to love these ones. Now we're starting to get to the juiciest part. Wait, it's going to be better than, hey, remember when Dad said,

look, there's some geese, and you looked and there were no fucking geese? Mum, you idiot! Yeah, yeah, yeah. You looked like such a dumb bitch that day mum dad and I laugh about that behind your back

while I remember mum but she was a dumb bitch it's gonna be better than that is what you're telling me

and then the arrogance to write a letter three years later going remember you suck mum so yeah so they by the lates, they were really coming along.

There were three big ones that were so common that they were written in comics in the newspapers and stuff. The first one was when they put a brick under a hat on a sidewalk. So, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What's going to happen What will happen What are you Hang on

There's a brick Yeah And a hat on top Yeah yeah yeah And then if someone Come along They pick up the hat That's pretty funny

But no And then they They apologise to the brick I'm so sorry I didn't realise Someone was wearing this I'm so sorry. I didn't realise someone was wearing this. I'm so sorry. Oh, my apologies, sir.

I'm so sorry. Good day to you, Mr Brick. Yeah, Lord Brick. Ah, Lord Brick. That's not what it is. No, that's not what it is. Does the brick have a mustache? It would have. Yeah, it would have backed me.

Okay, I'm on board now. I like this. All right, so you're picturing a brick with a mustache. Yeah. And then a hat on top. Hat on top. Okay, so this is... Wait, is it a human-sized hat or a hat that fits just on top of the brick?

That's so funny. You're punching up this prank for sure. That's cute. No, according to Winnick, the idea being that someone would eventually succumb to the urge to kick the hat. And thus stub his toe on the brick. First thing I would do, kick a hat. Or off a head, I don't care. You can get your leg up really high.

Yeah, I can. Who kicks a hat? What? What would happen is people are picking up a free hat and say, oh oh I'm so sorry Man that sucks Kicking a hat But it was so common Where's the pigeon sympathiser now?

Just worried about that poor brick getting kicked If you draw a line in weird places The second one's more of a classic, I think. So it involved leaving a supposedly lost desirable object, like a wallet or cash. A hat. Or a hat in plain view with a string tied around it. The other end, the string was held by a hidden prankster.

It's got a brick on the other end. Yeah. They're all brick-faced. That's all they had. Bricks and hats, that's all they had. Yeah, so that's just the classic on the other end. Yeah. They're all brick-faced. That's all they had. Bricks and hats, that's all they had. Yeah, so that's just the classic sort of drawing away. Also, people actually did that. Yeah, apparently that was real common.

Wow, that sucks. Remember, people used to go to watch a train go past. And then the third one was called the smoking coin, which was where... Leave a coin with a little cigarette next to it. Someone picks it up. I'm so sorry. I didn't realise someone was smoking this. Yes, the coin has a mustache.

So what would happen is people would light the coin up with a match or a cigar until it was smoking hot. Put it down so people would burn their fingers on it. It would have to happen pretty quick, I guess.

And then they go, fuck, full jar! And they go into the hospital. That's good stuff. They're pretty good. I'm going to now move on to some more elaborate ones from history, if you do not mind. These are all from this great website, hoaxes.org.

I might have said that wrong again. So it's like it's a whole hoax compendium there. If you like hoaxes, that's your spot. Wow. This first one happened on April 1st,

would you believe? 1974. The residents of Sitka, Alaska, woke to a disturbing sight. Clouds of black smoke were rising from the crater of Mount Edgecumbe. They've edged too far. You've got to be really careful. Yeah, I hadn't noticed that until just then, but that's good fun. I don't have the patience for such things, but...

The long... So, Mount Edgecombe, long, dormant... Well, you'd relate to this, Dave. Long, dormant volcano. Which neighbour? Oh, yeah. Decades. Oh, yeah.

It only makes the payoff even bigger. People spilled out of their homes onto... The whole town. They're all edgy. People spilled out of their homes onto the streets to gaze up at the volcano, terrified that it was active again and might soon erupt. Calls poured into local authorities. The Coast Guard commander radioed the admiral in Juneau who ordered a chopper be sent out to investigate.

As the Coast Guard pilot approached Mount Edgecombe, a plume of smoke grew in size. Finally, it was right above it and he peered down into the crater. At first, he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Stacked in the cone of the volcano, burning with a greasy flame, was a huge pile of old tyres. Spray-painted in the snow beside the tires in 50 foot high black letters were the words april fool the fake eruption of mount edge come my it could be edge come uh it could be it could be but

who's to say who's to say it could be I don't know the Alaskan accent, but... The fake eruption at Mount Edgecombe was the work of a local prankster, 50-year-old Oliver Porky Bicker. The idea to ignite the volcano had occurred to him in 1971. As soon as he thought of the idea, he knew he had to do it. It took him three years of planning? Well, so he collected

70 old tyres that he kept in an aeroplane hangar, but he had to wait three years until April Fool's Day in 1974 when the visibility conditions were just right for the prank. So he woke up every April the 1st and was like, ugh, too overcast. Have to wait till next year.

Porky, get a life So when Porky woke up that morning He looked out his window He could see right across to the volcano He's like, yes, this is the day He looked at his wife Patty and he said Patty and Porky Patty and Porky

He looked at Patty and he said I have to go do it today And she said, it is 4am. He's been talking to Paddy about this for three years. That is a patient woman. Apparently Paddy replied, just don't make an arse of yourself. Porky recruited his mates, Harry Salsa, Ken Stedman and Larry Nelson to help. Harry Salsa.

Yum. Was his friend's name Cam? Sorry Cam or Can? Oh, Can That's on me, I'm guessing Salsa Can I thought that's what you said

Oh, Harry Salsa Ken Stedman Larry Nelson Nelson means dick as well, doesn't it? No, okay In certain circles Prove me wrong Someone

What does the full Nelson mean? That's a wrestling move, isn't it? Yeah, that's different. What does full Nelson mean? That is different. Not giving the full thing. He has a half Nelson, a full Nelson. So if someone says I've got a half Nelson.

You can get mine now. I think I've been confused for a while there. Thank you, Dave. No worries. You've given me a half Nelson. I thought... Yeah. I thought in the wrestling move I was giving him,

it was making him feel... All right. But now I understand. I accidentally stumbled upon something else. What a web we weave. What a wet we weave? I've really just got to get this done. All right.

Fucking hell. The pranksters had taken the precaution of notifying the FAA, the Federal Aviation Administration, controller of their plan. As the group returned to Sitka, the controller radioed them, saying, you have clearance. And by the way, the son of a gun looks fantastic. They were on board. I love that.

The prank succeeded beyond Porky's wildest dreams. News of it got picked up by the Associated Press, those fucking gullible, gullible fucking fools. I'll never trust them again. And ran in newspapers around the world. The reaction of people in Sitka once they realised the volcano wasn't really erupting was almost uniformly positive. Which is interesting because a lot of these stories I've read,

people did not enjoy these sort of pranks. Even the Coast Guard wasn't too mad about the stunt. When Porky was later at a 4th of July party, the Admiral walked over to meet him. Porky was afraid he was about to get chewed out, but instead the Admiral told Porky he thought the prank was classic. Nays. High fives all round. Porky's favourite response to the prank came in 1980.

He received a letter from the attorney in Denver, inside of which was a clipping from the Denver Post with a photo of Mount St. Helens erupting. Attached was a note that read this time you little bastard, you've gone too far. Bit of fun. Yeah, so that's that one.

The next one's another one from the Hoaxes website. This one happened in 1965 with the BBC TV. They were interviewing a London University professor who had perfected a technology called smell-o-vision that allowed the transmission of smells over the airwaves. Viewers would be able to smell aromas produced in the television studio in their own homes. The professor explained that his machine broke scents down into their component molecules, which were then transmitted through the screen. The professor demonstrated by placing some coffee beans and onions into the smell-o-vision machine.

He asked viewers to report whether they had smelled anything. Numerous viewers called in from across the country to confirm that they had distinctly experienced these scents. Some even claimed the onions made their eyes water. So, like, yeah, England, pretty clever country there. Yeah, that's, I mean, I definitely would have probably fallen for that too. Do you reckon? Yeah.

Like in the olden days when everything just seemed possible. I wouldn't fall for it now. Yeah. But back then. But in, you know, 1965. This next one happened in 1985. We're getting more modern. This one was from Sports Illustrated when they published an article by George Plimpton

that described an incredible rookie baseball player who was training at the Mets camp in St. Petersburg, Florida. training at the Mets camp in St. Petersburg, Florida. The player was named Sid Finch and he could reportedly pitch a baseball at 168 miles per hour with pinpoint accuracy. The fastest previous recorded speed for a pitch was 103 miles per hour. So that's a big jump. The article wrote that Finch had been raised in an English orphanage

before he was adopted by the archaeologist Francis White Finch, who was later killed in an airplane crash in Nepal. Finch briefly attended Harvard before he headed to Tibet, remembering this is all bullshit. It was a wild backstory. Often these pranks are trying to make, like often these pranks are trying to be so ridiculous that no

one could believe it. But. Surprisingly, Sid Finch had never played baseball before arriving at the Mets, but he had mastered the art of the pitch in a Tibetan monastery. That's where they send you.

Yeah. Finch showed they send you. Yeah. Finch showed up at the Mets camp in Florida and so impressed their manager that he was invited to attend training camp. Finch wore a hiking boot on his right foot while pitching and his other foot was bare. He's a quirky

character. His speed and power were so great that the catcher would only hear a small sound, which was like this. Pfft, pfft, boom. Before the ball would land in his glove, knocking him two or three feet back. One of the players declared that it was not possible to hit Finch's pitches. Unfortunately for the Mets, Finch had not yet decided whether to commit himself to a career as a baseball player

or to pursue a career as a French horn player. He told the Mets management he would let them know his decision on April 1st, according to the article. Mets fans couldn't believe their good luck and accepting at face value the peculiarities of Sid Finch's past flooded Sports Illustrated with requests for more information. But of course the amazing player only existed in the imagination of author George Plimpton,

who had left a clue in the subheading of the article, which was, he's a pitcher, part yogi and part recluse, impressively liberated from our opulent lifestyle, Sid's deciding about yoga and his future in baseball. The first letter of each of these words taken together spelled Happy April Fool's Day, a fib. That's pretty good.

Pretty good one. It's not pigeon milk, but... Yeah, you shouldn't have started with the best one. It's funny because they've evolved so much that now they're like, these days April Fool's pranks are Tim Tam are doing Vegemite flavour. Like I don't, yeah. The company I get dog food from said they are releasing a candle that smells like wet dog.

Apparently people tried to buy it, so... I also get that dog food and I thought that was real, so... I'll tell you someone who wouldn't have wanted to buy that. Daddy Warbucks. Now you have to do it. There was a movie in the olden days where there was a billionaire and at one point there was a wet dog in his house

but he couldn't see it but he could smell it. And then he said, Why do I smell wet dog? It was a great... It's probably my favourite cinematic moment. This one is a quick one from 1992. This one was from... On NPR's Talk of the Nation

when host John Hockenberry announced that Richard Nixon was running for US president again, 31 years after resigning in disgrace. His new campaign slogan was, I didn't do anything wrong and I won't do it again. Which is very good stuff. That's good. That's good stuff. The announcement was accompanied by audio clips of Nixon delivering his candidacy speech. Listeners responded by flooding the show with angry calls.

People were furious. Like, he should never run again. This is ridiculous. Later in the show, host Hockenberry revealed that the announcement was an April Fool's joke. Nixon's voice was impersonated by comedian Rich Little. So, yeah, sucked in. You fucking idiots. Rich Little was like a,

he made caricatures of their voices. It's funny that people bought it, but as we're learning, people are real stupid. So now we're going to get to this. This is the one that when the person who suggested it, Lisa from Brisbane, she mentioned this one in particular when she suggested the topic. Perhaps the most famous one.

I hadn't heard of it, so I don't know how true that is. But it was the brainchild of Charles de Jaeger. De Jaeger was a cameraman on the respected BBC news show Panorama. Panorama was the BBC's flagship news program in the 1950s, boasting a viewership of 10 million. On April 1st, 1957, they ran a story about how spaghetti is made on the Swiss-Italian border. Eh?

A few prank fans in the front. Where my prank head's at. Or spaghetti fans. Yeah, which is it? Spaghetti. She's a fan of spaghetti. History of spaghetti. And I love that this is set where my ancestors lived

on the Swiss-Italian border. They're one-sixteenth of my ancestors lived on the Swiss-Italian border. They're one-sixteenth of my ancestors. At the end of the weekly episode, the audience heard Richard Dimbleby, the show's highly respected anchor, discuss the details of the spaghetti harvest as they watched video footage of a Swiss family pulling pasta off spaghetti trees

and placing it into baskets. They were told that the mild winter had resulted in an exceptionally heavy spaghetti crop. The segment concluded with the assurance that, for those who love this dish, there's nothing like real home-grown spaghetti. When the three-minute package was over, Dimbleby reappeared and said,

now we say goodnight on this first day of April. Really emphasising the joke. But no one noticed that. They were too busy running around the house going, oh my God. Did you know? It's a tree. It's a tree. We've been buying a packet

of it. Oh my God. So a huge number of viewers were fooled and the BBC phone lines rang hot with people wanting to know how to grow spaghetti themselves. I'll call the network. Later that evening, the BBC broadcast a statement in which it informed viewers of the hoax. Despite this confession, calls continued to come in.

The BBC operators eventually came up with a standard reply for those seeking information on how to grow their own spaghetti tree, which was, quote... Fuck off. Hello, is this about the spaghetti? Yes, fuck off. Fuck off. Next.

Fuck off, you idiot. And also, don't breathe, you idiot. Fucking hell. Like that? Was it that? fuck off you idiot and also don't breathe you idiot fucking hell like that was it that it's close but it's slightly more polite they started saying

replying what you gotta do is place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best now fuck off part of the reason

for the confusion was that spaghetti was not a widely eaten food in Britain during the 50s. Although its popularity had been increasing since World War II, many still considered it to be an exotic foreign dish. Its origin was evidently a real mystery to some. Among those fooled was Sir Ian Jacob, the Director General of the BBC, who later admitted... Apparently he was sent a note

saying, hey, by the way, we're doing this prank tonight. Yeah, we're doing a little prank. But he didn't see the note and he was watching the show and he was like, freaking hell. And he later admitted that he went to his bookshelf, got the encyclopedia down, tried to find spaghetti and he's like, I can't, there's nothing in here about it.

Despite having fallen for it, Jacob, Sir Jacob, was a big fan. He sent Charles de Jager a congratulatory note saying, quote, congratulatory. Some of them you've just got to let slide. I think, you know, I mean, you knew

what I meant. Yeah. Otherwise you wouldn't have been able to correct me. So, I think really, you're just got to let slide. I think, you know, I mean, you knew what I meant. Yeah. Otherwise you wouldn't have been able to correct me. So I think, really, you're the fool in this interaction. So this is what the congratulatory note. All right, let's go around the room. Everyone says one word. We'll get through this sentence. So the note said, quote,

the spaghetti harvest was a splendid idea, beautifully shot and organised. This item has caused a great deal of delight one way or another. Thank you very much indeed. It was real sweet. That's very nice. I thought he'd be like the big sir boss guy. Yeah. He'd be like, you made a fool of me. Yeah.

You're fired. A lot of people get fired for April Fool's Day pranks. None that I'm mentioning. Anyway, I'm going to finish with three final April Fool's Day pranks. These ones are a little different, though, because these ones are April Fool's Day pranks gone wrong. I love a prank gone wrong. This subtopic was suggested specifically by Sophie Shooter

from Adelston in the UK. For the listeners, Jess is looking out into the crowd. Not here. No. Okay, so I've picked these out again from hoaxes.org. Keep in mind when I tell you these that I left out the grimmest ones. These are going to be fucked. They're not that bad.

Nah, they're going to be fucked. They're not that bad but the first one is called the dead dog. What you do is you get a dog But it's not one of the grim ones. You put the dog

on top of a brick. Someone's going to kick the dog. I mean, sure, you kill the dog, but the person who kicked it has also got a sore foot, so it's pretty funny. It's pretty good. Pretty funny. So I don't know if you remember the scene in National Lampoon's Vacation

where Chevy Chase ties a dog to the bumper of his car, then forgets the dog is there and drives away. You know that scene? So Paul... Another great name. Paul Gooby. Gooby? Gooby.

Oh, that's good. Was inspired by this scene. And he tied a dead chihuahua to the bumper of his co-worker's car. Where did he get it? Where did he get it? It was already dead. Already dead. Well, that's according to the story, yeah.

Where do you get a dead dog? Oh, I don't know. Oh. And he tied it to a co-worker's car. Co-worker's car. His co-worker was Kevin Malloy And he got in the car and drove off Unaware that the chihuahua was there Well you're not doing a dog check before you get in the car Kevin

Come on Kevin You're bringing this upon yourself mate If you're not doing a dog check You're not doing a dog check You're not doing a dog check So he's dragging the chihuahua behind the car and passing motorists were horrified. But what made this...

It's so fun. What made the situation even worse was that Malloy was deaf so he couldn't hear the other motorists frantically honking at him. Happily, he drove on for miles until someone was finally able to get his attention. Police charged Gooby with unlawful disposal of a dead animal. We've all gone down for that one. Was there, like, a trail? Dave, why'd you take it there, mate?

Oh, come on. We're here having fun. Man, I'm definitely going to go on hoaxes.org just to see what the grim ones are. That's one of the upbeat, fun ones. Man, I'm sorry. The way they reacted to that, I should have done some of the real grim ones.

They were, I could tell they were loving it. They loved it. They loved it. They loved it. This one's less grim, but, you know, it's... I don't know if I trust your measuring of grim now. Yeah. Yeah, all right.

Well, this one happened in 2003. So as thousands of American-led coalition troops stormed across Iraq, the Iraqi ambassador... Joke! There were never any weapons of mass destruction. Got ya! Got ya! Woo!

Hilarious. You guys look so stupid right now. Oh, my God. So the American-led coalition troops were storming across Iraq when the Iraqi ambassador to Russia, Abbas Kalaf Kanfouf, held a press... That only seems fucked if you laugh. You're laughing at...

I think I nailed that, but... I think I nailed that but so so Kung Fu held a press conference in Moscow many were expecting him

to announce that Iraq conceded defeat instead he chose this moment to hold a gag press conference holding up a piece of paper that he identified

as a newsflash from Reuters he read aloud from it that's Reuters. Reuters. I never get that one right. I never... Reuters.

From Reuters? In your defence, the spelling is... It looks like Reuters. Sorry, Reuters. Sounds very fancy when you say it like that. Newsflash from Reuters. Reuters. Sorry, Reuters. Sounds very fancy when you say it like that. Newsflash from Reuters. Babe, do you want a Reuters? Fuck.

Newsflash from Reuters. And he read aloud from it. So he's called a press conference. They're all going, oh, he's going to announce their conceding defeat. But he holds this up and he reads it. The Americans have accidentally fired a nuclear missile into British forces, killing seven. Immediately, the room full of reporters went silent with shock.

Then Kung Fu grinned and shouted, April Fools! Only a few days after the unexpected moment of levity, the Iraqi government completely collapsed. He's having fun till the end. Just a bit of fun. Just a bit of fun. Just a bit of fun. Guys, lighten up.

I can imagine him saying that afterwards. Oh, come on. Do nuclear missiles often kill seven people? Yeah. The last one I'll read is sort of grim, but it's not that grim.

It's not dead dog grim. It's going to be fucked. I actually, I picked this one, I'm like, this will be a nice way to finish, but thinking about it,

it's not fucked, but it's kind of. Anyway, whatever. It's going to be fucked. Okay, so Glenn Howlett's colleagues at London City Hall thought they had dreamed up a great gag. They sent him a memo informing him that the really big report he was working on was going to be due early, in just two weeks. So he thought he said months to go, but they're like, it's due in just the two weeks.

The tip-off was that the memo was dated April 1st. So if he was paying attention, he would have seen that. Except Howlett didn't realise it was a joke. He received the memo while on vacation and immediately cut his vacation short and phoned the office to tell everyone to start getting busy. But as he contemplated the new deadline, he worked himself

up into an increasing state of panic until soon he began to experience heart palpitations. Finally, he collapsed from the stress and had to take leave from work. As he was recovering, recovering, see, not that grim,

he realised it just wasn't worth risking his health to finish the report, so he filed for early retirement. At which point, someone told him the early deadline was just a joke. He responded by suing for damages. him the early deadline was just a joke. He responded by suing for damages.

As a consequence of the lawsuit, City Hall banned employees from pulling any more pranks. And that is the end of my report. Give it up for Matt Stewart, everybody. Yeah, when I read that the first time, I'm like, oh, he's going to die, isn't he? So I think that's why I thought it wasn't that grim,

because he survived it. But everybody else was going, he's going to die. Yeah, fuck. But a bit of fun. Suit him for damages. That's good. Yeah, I like it. Like he retired early because of a joke.

They definitely could have told him sooner, you know? Yeah. Oh, no, no, don't cancel your holiday. I'm so sorry. It's just a joke. Didn't think it through. Sorry. Yeah, they waited until he retired.

Yeah. Not even until like he took time off. He recovered from heart palpitations. Yeah, yeah. They're still going, oh, I don't think it's the right time. But, you know, it's like you're too far in. Yeah. Oh, that's brutal think it's the right time. But, you know, it's like you're too far in. Yeah. Oh, that's brutal and very funny.

Very funny. I reckon I never would have told him. Yeah, yeah. Well, we wish you well in your retirement and we got you a cake. Yeah. Bye. Any questions? Dave, I reckon wrap it up

I feel like I nailed the timing there Yeah, you did well there Good job I think they put that clock forward instead of backwards Forward instead of backwards Oh yeah, otherwise I went an hour over So Yeah

Yeah, yeah No, I think they just didn't put it backwards Yeah He's the smart one. That makes more sense. It's very worrying. When he does something dumb, it's like, oh, we're fucked. We really sweat then.

Yeah. Well, the time in my car became correct as of yesterday, so. Not relevant. Wrap it up, I reckon. I reckon Dave would definitely kick a hat. I'm not a hat kicker. I reckon Dave would kick a dog. On a brick.

On a brick. On a brick. You know? We'll be up the back signing bricks on the way out. So thank you. Thank you so much for coming out to our first live show here at the European Beer Cafe. Of course, we'd like to say thank you to the European Beer Cafe,

which is hosting lots of shows for the Melbourne Comedy Festival. We've got Andrew Doody Doodson on sound. Thank you so much. Thank you, Doody. And we'll be back here the next three Sundays. Yeah. Anybody else coming to more of them? Sick, me too.

See, that was an easy one. They are a pack of fuckheads. Let's see if you can remember the title. Matt, you're doing a show at the Comedy Festival. What's it called? Ah, yes, yes, yes. It's called Poisson.

It's called Hunk. It's called Honk. No. Honk. Honk. Fuck. It's called Honk Honk Hubba Hubba Ring-a-ding-ding. And there's a discount code for you all, which is DoGoOn, I believe. No space.

Is that DoGoOn, I believe? Fuck, I'm bad at this. No. Just DoGoOn, but not with the just all that bit that I said God that's so long that's so long

it's impossible how do you do it so the discount code is do go on cheering for a discount code yeah I love saving three bucks cheering for a discount code yeah I love saving three bucks well thank you so much

for coming out we really appreciate you coming out on your Sunday night we'll be back next week but until then we'll say thank you so much and goodbye bye

bye wow another incredible live performance how does he do it Wow Another incredible live performance How does he do it? Wow That was so good That was so good What was your favourite part?

Probably the standing ovations Yes I loved the standing ovations It's one of the things where I liked it at first Then it became awkward But then I appreciated it again Because I thought 10 minutes have passed and these people are still applauding still going and you're like you were begging them to sit down please please come on

this there's another show after us yeah and the person who's coming on after us actually came on stage and said no you deserve this yeah please i'm gonna cancel my show tonight and that was a good call because they did applaud for another 45 minutes. It was very kind of Will Anderson to do that for us. Thank you. And also that knocked out Arj Barker who was doing a late, late show. But Arj said, no, this is your moment. Yeah. We probably faded out on the recording.

You might not have heard all nine minutes. But if you were in the room, you'd know, obviously. But yeah, so that was obviously a highlight for us. We're back in the room now. It was such a big night for Matt that he had to go have a lie down. Yeah, he's gone have a lie down. He's not here.

It's just Jess and Dave, but that's okay. We're going to just do the Patreon stuff. We'll soldier on. Yeah, bravely. That's right, because some people say that it's time now

for everyone's favorite part of the show. Yes. Which is the fact, quote's favorite part of the show. Yes. Which is the fact, quote or question, brag or suggestion. Correct. Which I think. Yes. I recall. Yes.

Has a little jingle and it might go something like this. Fact, quote or question. Bing. Ah, he always remembers the ding. That I do. Now, this is the section where we thank and also just create a bit more content based on some suggestions etc from people that support the show on patreon that's right or through do go on pod.com or patreon.com such do go on pod and basically these are the people that

have been supporting the show some for many years now which we absolutely appreciate uh chuck in a few bucks every single month and in exchange for different levels we give out three bonus episodes. Some of the most recent bonus episodes we just did a report on. The Crash at Crush. Yes. Which was what is a late 19th century

organised train crash. Yeah. Where they had two old trains they didn't know what to do with. Yeah. So decided to crash them together. And charge admission. And it went just as well as you would think it would yeah it went wrong it was bad so uh stuff like that and also

phrasing the bar our monthly show where we go through the films of brendan fraser the world's greatest actor in order and we've recently done one of his most uh iconic film roles the sequel to the mummy the mummy returns man and uh it's uh it's good it's good fun it's good fun i had the uh mummy returns game on game boy color did you it was bringing back a few memories was it like a little platformer or like oh gosh you're such you're such a gamer now what does that mean uh you know the ones where it's like you're just running along jump it's like yes mario exactly you're moving along jumping over yeah over things and being attacked shooting back at things but yeah it's moving from left right or right to left and

yeah and you also uh we give shout outs you get to be part of a facebook group also um which actually is a much nicer place than you think you think your facebook group that's gonna be what's that gonna be toxic yeah facebook group's always terrible y No, not this one. It's a very, very nice corner. It's beautiful. And we also have people on the fact, quote, or question level who we get to give us a fact, quote, or question each week. And we do four each week. And as I'm struggling, because I'm filling in for Matt here on this section, I'm trying

to find the bit where- I've got them. I've got them. Do you want me to do it? Okay. I can do to find the bit where... I've got them. I've got them. Do you want me to do it? Okay. I can do it. Please do. So, yes, you get to give yourselves a title.

Our first fact portal question comes from Derek Brigham. Brigham. Ooh. Brigham. Brigham. And Derek's given themselves a title, That Favourite Scientist Matt Keeps Banging On About. That's funny.

Bit of fun. And Derek has given us a fact. And Derek's fact is, light leaving the sun takes about eight minutes to reach Earth. But the process for those photons to get there took quite a bit longer. The sun is so dense. You can't say that. Don't be mean. The sun quite a bit longer. The sun is so dense. You can't say that. Don't be mean. The sun's a real fool.

What an idiot. So dense that photons generated in the core run into the tightly packed atoms over and over again, being absorbed and emitted in a random direction. All in all, the time it takes for light to get from the sun's centre to its surface can be upwards of 100,000 years. What? Wow. That's good. So the last eight minutes, that's a breeze for the

photons. Yeah. Wow. Would you say that's obviously a very nerdy fact, but would you say it's fun? I don't know that I understand it, but yes. I think that's really fun. Great. So thank you for that fact, Eric. I thought he was going to say like 100 minutes or something. 100,000 years.

Yeah, wow. Whoa. Next up, we have a suggestion from Drew Forsberg. Drew's given themselves the title Senior, Junior, Junior, Senior Aficionado of the Pod. Thank you very much drew and i must say i love a suggestion me too um and drew's suggestion is get it up yeah just kidding as an american i have taken a liking to various aussie isms over the years due to

listening to this and many other podcasts out of melbourne uh how good's blank is probably my favorite that's good like how good's the sunshine oh right i thought he was saying how good's footy is the podcast from sam's fantasy like how's good how good's blank my actual suggestion is suggestible mr sunday's much less successful podcast that he does with his wife, Claire. Good day. Good day. Yeah, a fantastic podcast. Yeah, a lot of fun. And I mean, how do you measure success, Drew? You know, that's, you know, oh, it's much less successful, but, you know, is it more rewarding?

Then I'd say it's more successful. Yeah. Mr. Sunday's much more successful podcast, suggestible. Yeah, because he does it with Claire, who of her own right is an amazing podcaster and human being. So, yeah, I would say it's more successful. Yeah. Thank you, Drew.

Cop that Mace over the way. Next we have Dominic Stevenson. And Dominic has given himself the title Locksmith. Very important. Very important. Often required. I like that a lot we get locked out of the trip ditch club dominic's giving us a quote we don't get quotes as often so this is exciting um but he starts with a a bit of a preamble hello lovely people here is a silly

joke from the world's oldest known joke book written in ancient Greek dated to the 4th century called Philogolus or Love of Laughter. Philogolus. Here goes. An intellectual caught sight of a deep well on his country estate and asked a nearby farmhand if the water was any good. The farmhand assured him that it was good. In fact, his own parents used to drink from that same well. The intellectual expressed his amazement. How long were their necks if they could drink from something

so deep? Seems like that intellectual, bit of an idiot. Or maybe that farmhand's parents were giraffes. That's true. It's possible. Yeah, that there was long as necks. Is that possible? Or the intellectual's like, I'll set this one up.

And finally, for the fact quota question, Nick Fidian. Nick has given themselves the title Senior, Junior Senior Vice President of being a Junior Fact Bringer. Wow. And after that, you would really hope that Nick has brought a fact. Yeah, I hope so. And in fact, Nick has. Thank goodness. that you would really hope that nick has brought a fact yeah i hope so and in fact nick has thank goodness uh and that fact is the inventor of the pringles can frederick bauer is now buried in one

he was so proud of his invention that he passed on this burial wish to his family when he died at age 89 his children stopped at a shop on the way to the funeral home to buy the can my siblings and i briefly debated which flavor to use but i said look we need to use the original uh has said his eldest son larry of the burial do you reckon they ate the chips or just pour them out you'd have to eat it would feel wasteful otherwise yeah um what flavor pringles can do you want to be buried in well original was my favorite but they've changed the flavour. And also they've changed the size of the can. I wonder how annoyed the inventor would be if he knew that you can no longer get your hand in there.

It's impossible. So I've gone right off Pringles. Yeah, fair enough. I used to be absolutely mad for them. I also felt that they were quite a premium special. Yes. Maybe a couple of times a year chip. Yeah.

But now you're a millionaire. Exactly. They could be an everyday chip if you wanted them to be. But I'm a millionaire and they've changed the flavor. So it's like, what's the point of my money? Yeah. I don't want to spend it on this. I'm not supporting this.

This is awful. Yeah. Do you have a flavor? I go through phases where I'm, I think there's Pringles in the house right now. And it would be sour cream and onion. Good for you for having self-control. Yeah. There's Pringles in the house right now. And it would be sour cream and onion. Good for you for having self-control. Yeah. There's Pringles in the house.

Yeah, I do like the salt and vinegar though. And they always come out with all sorts of fun flavours too, don't they? They go a bit wacky, which I never try. Yeah. Not for me, thanks. Cheeseburger flavour, no thank you.

I'm not going to spend $6 on a risk. Because, yeah, if this doesn't work out i'm gonna be grumpy i believe now just it's time to thank a few more patreon supporters yes absolutely um this is what we like to do for people who support us on the ass prod and above level i believe that's right we give them a shout out give them a little shout out say their name god they froth it oh they love it they said it they said they said my name that's me um and look fair enough because you've earned this by supporting us um on patreon which we which we absolutely adore you for and we couldn't do it

without you that sounded sarcastic that's true do you reckon anyone's ever got a free shout out before because they've got a very common name, like a John Smith or something, and they've gone, I'll just pretend that's me. Oh, that's good. Well, we do often say where they're from, but sometimes people don't say where they're from, and that's very understandable.

Yes. So, yeah, I think like if it was that case where they haven't specified location as well, then you could definitely take it. And that's the benefit of having a really basic bitch name like me. But I mean, most of Jess Perkins is a great name. Great. Oh, I didn't say it's a fantastic name.

Is it basic and very common? Yeah. I see what you're saying. But I feel like our supporters really have very common. We have our supporters have the most incredible names. So we shout out their names. Yes. And we also usually tie it back to the topic somehow.

Yes. And Jess, I've actually forgotten. What was Matt's report on? Matt's report, which was recorded, obviously, before we've done this part, obviously, was about something sporty. loves sport he loves sport so it was probably sport you know how are we going to tie the shout out back to a sport topic that we don't know what it was okay you might have put together by now that we are recording this ahead of time uh because we will not all be together again uh ever ever this is how we're announcing it no um uh we're we are recording this on a thursday we're doing the live

show on a sunday it's going to come out on a wednesday so we don't know um what the topic was yes because it's up to matt matt's chosen the topic he's put together the report we don't know and he's not here right now he is here for the whole episode you just listen to it's gonna get confusing for you yeah anyway so um so we don't know what the topic is so it's pretty hard to make the game relate back to the topic so maybe we um what could we do for them uh like we could just make up any kind of game or we could that we could be like what sort of topic they think it is okay yes can we think of enough potential yeah i'm sure we can yeah okay all right great so let's do it what they think the topic yeah exactly this is their guesses on the topic but they've just listened to

you you retain information less than jess imagine if we got it right though wouldn't that be spooky that would be spooky. Whoa. Well, there's only one way to find out. Or if the thing happens we've talked about where what if Matt can't write the report for Sunday and I have to do it or something. Yeah. It sounds like we're talking. Oh, my God. Yes.

It is a topic. I know what it is. Because Matt's not here right now because he's feeling unwell. Not COVID. And we're doing the live show in a few days. So, we're hoping that he'll be recovered enough to write and report a topic. You're right. It could be you.

This is wild. Sorry, everyone. We've become unhinged. But what do these people think the topic is? Yeah, that's what we're going to do. Do you want to kick it off? Please. I would like to thank from Mesa or Mesa in Arizona, Paige Carroll.

Paige Carroll. Fantastic name. oh page carol page carol fantastic name page uh reckons that matt's topic or dave's topic was about uh something that happened in baltimore oh a baltimore crime yes a baltimore crime but like a funny crime you don't want to do like a serial killer or a murder at a live show. It'll probably be a funny crime. Funny crime. Like stealing cars. Oh, that's a victimless crime. And then making them better and giving them back.

Yeah. Oh, that's a good crime. If you like get like someone's normal Nissan Pulsar hatchback from 1999. Great car. Steal it to your grandmas. Yeah. Steal it. You put NOS in the car and then give it back. Granny doesn't

know. Granny doesn't know. She NOSes it up on the highway. A victimless crime. You know, a funny crime. A funny crime. Paige, I wish that that was the topic. I hope it's true. I hope it's true, Paige. I hope that's what we just heard an hour of. I would also like to thank from Footscray in

Victoria, in Australia, Bridgetray in Victoria in Australia Bridget Jolly ah Bridget I'm pretty sure Bridget and I went to school together okay well is Bridget a fan of Nicolas Cage movies absolutely because I think that Bridget thinks that Matt just did an

hour of the life and times of Nicolas Cage wow yeah that would make for a good live show that would be fun that'd just be a great show that would just be a great moment in my life just hearing about nick cage i had uh i was struck down with the covid recently and i went into the nicholas cage movie marathon oh how many movies did you watch i watched three so it's not that many that's a marathon still was Gone in 60 Seconds yep The Rock

yep and Con Air okay great movies and if I could round that out I would add in Face Off

okay I haven't seen Face Off in such a long time I think I'm well overdue for reviewing their acting

when they him and John Travolta do impressions of each other is very funny because it's bad oh it's just so over the top

yeah Nick Cage goes full Nick cage well you don't say which i appreciate and uh i would like to thank from chicago illinois it's alissa holland alissa holland uh bets big money that matt does a report on looking around the room on the rubber glove murders. Is that because you looked over and saw in the apartment next door that someone was being murdered with a pair of gloves?

Instead of doing anything to help them, I've continued to do the podcast because I'm a professional. That's right. We will call the police when we hit stop. It'll be another 20-ish minutes. Stop waving your arms at me. Yes, I see you. I see you.

Do you see this microphone in my hand? I'm busy. Rude. Thanks, Alyssa. God, I hate my neighbors. Well, one of them won't be there for much longer. I would like to thank from location unknown Fortress of the Moles We can only assume it is deep within the Fortress of the Moles

Claudia Covini Claudia Covini Covini, yeah, that might be it And Claudia reckons that Matt has just done a report On the much acclaimed Australian series starring Claudia Carvin. Oh, great. Which one? Love My Way.

Love My Way. Fantastic. Love My Way? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. One of those ones I was just too young for. Yeah, same.

But very influential here in Australia. Huge. Huge. So that's pretty cool. Well, I hope that Matt is old enough to report on Love My Way. Yeah, big time. So hopefully we... He didn't even need to do any research.

He just told us the whole plot. It was a real Michelle Brazier move and it paid off in a big way. People love the Michelle episode. Why would Matt not do it? It's because people are smart and that episode was fantastic. It was great. How about I do one more then I throw it over to you. Okay.

I'd like to thank from Tolleson in Arizona as well. Do you know each other? Arizona, how big could it be? How big could it possibly be? Nick Penner. Nick Penner. Or Nick Pena. No, probably Penner.

Probably Penner. Nick Penner is hoping we will, that Matt has done a report on the history of ice. Ooh, how did they first make it? Where's it from? How did the cavemen make it if they didn't have little ice things for the freezer? Exactly. What did they do? You know?

What did cavemen do before ice molds? How did you keep your drink cold? I would like to know about how they first started making ice. Yeah. Well, yeah. How did we do it before freezers? Yeah. You know what I mean?

I do know what you mean. That's why I asked the question. Well, hopefully. I asked the question and you said, do you know what I mean? Well, do you? Do you know what I mean? I feel like you don't know what I mean. No. I think that would have been a good report, actually. History of ice. History of ice. Nick I feel like you don't know what I mean. No.

I think that would have been a good report, actually. History of Ice. History of Ice. Nick Penner, you're onto it. That's pretty good. I'd write that down for future reports, actually, Dave. I'll thank some people as well. I would absolutely love to.

From Chicago, Illinois, Rory McSweeney. Rory McSweeney. Fantastic name. Godzilla. That'd be a good report. Yeah, it would be pretty good. Rory's hoping for a full report on Godzilla. The many different versions that have been made of Godzilla. There's like dozens of movies.

Yeah, heaps. Comic books as well, maybe? Probably. Probably. Yeah. I don't know. Look it up. I had some Godzilla pajamas in the 90s.

Did you? Like I think it was 97 98 movie yeah godzilla i love that movie i didn't say that they did a similar ish one a couple years ago yes i did did you uh it was just a bit more serious but i saw it it can't be but you have to see godzilla versus kong oh is that good it's horrendous awesome like it's so fun to watch because it's terrible are they the same size yep similar yeah pretty very very similar and it's it's so stupid i'm sorry if you're listening and you love that movie i saw it in the cinemas as well i think we were like out of a lockdown and we hadn't been to the movies in a long time and i just wanted popcorn

and i wanted to watch a shit movie oh my god did it deliver that sounds fun it's so good so definitely check it out um awesome actually like this could be a report keep yeah stay tuned we're coming up with some great ideas here too i would also love to thank from victor harbour in south australia crystal hello crystal how about i know you're a fan of a house plant uh you are sitting in a room at my house surrounded by plants what about some sort of like house plant movement oh okay yeah and what do you mean by house plant movement i feel like they've become more popular yeah over the last decade or so yeah i would agree with that i don't think there were that many plants inside the house when i was growing up why not an investigation probably because we had a house and a backyard

full of plants you didn't need this didn't need it inside i live in an apartment on the third floor there i can see trees out my window but a bit of green inside the house. It's good for the soul. So the answer is generational housing inequality. Exactly. So, you know, the report will be pretty heavy, to be honest. Yeah. You think you're going to get some fun houseplants? What would it be?

Just Matt listing types of houseplants? Yeah. You got a monstera. You got a snake plant. Aloe vera, et cetera. Thank you, Crystal. A couple more I would love to thank from East Fremantle, East Frio in WA.

Bree Finlay. Bree Finlay. Beautiful name. Love that. Bree Finlay, West Frio. Bree Finlay. Beautiful part of the world. Oh, Bree Finlay.

Oh, okay. Oh, does that give you anything? Brie finlay. It made me think of a fillet of fish. Okay, yeah. We've already done McDonald's. But what about... Well, it's a brie, like a big old chunk, like a large slice of brie cheese cooked like a fillet of fish.

And that's a report somehow? Yes. Okay. It's not good. If you have something else, go for it. There is something in Brie I feel like we could talk about. History of cheese. Yeah.

And specifically soft cheeses. Who fucking milked a cow and then thought, we can make some stuff out of cheese. Yeah. And specifically soft cheeses. Who fucking milked a cow and then thought, we can make some stuff out of that. Do you know what I mean? No, that's a bit. Who thought of that? Who saw that liquid coming out of a cow and went yum yum?

Let me put this away in a cave for a few months. You know, some cheeses are made in caves. What do you think of that? Yeah, I'm just going to leave this. I'm going to leave this for a bit. See what happens. Come back. Huh. It's cheese.

It's moldy. That's what this tastes like. It's very nice. Disgusting. But so delicious. So delicious. But also gross. Disgusting me thinking about it too much,

but I love blue cheese so much. Almost anything is disgusting when you think about it too much. Yeah. How humans exist is weird. Yuck. Thank you, Brie too much. Yeah. How humans exist is weird. Yuck. Thank you, Brie Finlay. Sorry about everything.

And finally, I would love to thank from Fortitude Valley in Queensland, Jack Daly. Jack Daly. Good advice. Oh, Jack. You must get that all the time. I'm so sorry. But it's very funny sir um history of low

hanging fruit jack daily wishes the report was on betty crocker okay betty crocker and me yes that's right i feel like i know very little about betty crocker well exactly because betty crocker isn't actually a person is it even a person say, is it even a person? No. I read this recently. It's a fictional character. But for a while there, people thought she was a real person. Because I think they're the right person. They hired like actors to portray her on TV and stuff. This is already a good report.

This is just a character. Maybe a mini report. I don't know how much info is there. But, you know, a fun cake mix. and cake mix is great because it's easy and anybody can do it so that's a bit of fun looking up uh betty crocker founded 100 years ago last year so if betty was still alive she would be quite old so old and it'd be like betty retire do you Do you know what I mean? Like give it just, it's okay. That's what I'd be saying. So on television and radio broadcasts,

Betty Crocker was portrayed by several actresses on radio by Marjorie Husted for 20 years. 20 years? On radio. Wow. And she still got all dressed up in the Betty Crocker look. Every time. For radio.

Nobody explained what radio was to her. That's impressive. She also wrote her own radio scripts. There you go. Wow. She lived to be 94. Whoa. Why'd she only live for 20 years?

Stay in the game. Forever. You have to stay in one job forever, do you, Dave? Get your head out of your ass, Dave. I'm not sure if this is real. We are basically doing a report now. But until recently, this is from Marjorie Husted's Wikipedia. Until recently, when the company admitted she was not a real person,

Husted answered to the name Betty Crocker for visitors to General Mills, which is, I believe, the multinational manufacturer market in charge. So she'd just kind of wander around the office. Oh, yes. It's I, Betty Crocker here. Oh, hello. I'm very busy thinking up cakes. I've just thought of a new one.

It's an orange and gravy cake. Oh, they're not all good ideas. Toodle-oo. I think this will report us legs. Hopefully Matt did it. I think we're just losing our fucking minds. If we got any of those even vaguely close, you have to be pretty proud of us.

Let us know. Please. But that brings us to the final part of everyone's favourite section of the show. And that is where we thank some of our long-term patrons and we welcome them into the TripDitch Club. This is where you have supported the show on the – it's not Sydney Scheinberg. What is it? Is it –

I believe this is the Sydney Scheinberg Deluxe Package. Is it? For three years. Oh, no, sorry. It's the shout-out level and above for three years. Yeah, that's right. You're right. If you've been on the shout-out level, sorry.

For three consecutive years, which is an amazing amazing effort and we thank you for it and if you um reach the dizzy heights then you are welcome to the trip ditch club which is like a cool exclusive club um but not in a dickish way and once you're in you can't leave but not in a scary way scary way and uh we have uh hors d'oeuvres and cocktails and a band playing and matt's at the door and he welcomes you in uh i organize cocktails this one is the insert name here cocktail and that is just whatever this show was about it's that cocktail and it's made with raspberry um lemonade and whiskey and it is bad whoa it's pretty bad um dave you usually book a band have you booked anybody for this week yeah i'm actually i have booked uh i assume that it relates to the episode somehow pharrearrell Williams. Yes. Will be stopping by.

Great. Because I'm happy. Yeah. Aren't we all? Pharrell. That Pharrell's here. So there you go. All right. We're going to thank some people.

How do you want to do this, Dave? Oh, yeah. So basically we welcome these people into the club. Usually Matt reads out the name. I hype them up as the hype man. And then Jess hypes me up as my hype woman. Yeah, that's right. So I will read the names.

You can hype them and I'll hype you. Thank you. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Because, and I'll keep the momentum going because Matt always ruins the flow. Yeah, for sure. By criticizing you.

And it's like well you can't do any better so firstly from ottawa in canada i would love to thank erica paradise is it paradise parody in fact it's paradise when you're here that's fine yes woo erica yeah i think you're right it might be parody sorry erica I would also love to thank from Kenilworth. That sounds like a fake place from England. Kenilworth. In Great Britain, Jason Ran. Jason Ran into the club and made everyone's night.

Jason Ran. Thank you, Jason. I would also love to thank from Taupo in New Zealand, HC. HC standing for happy chappy. Happy chappy. From London, I would love to thank Chloe Edwards. Chloe, you make me feel glad I'm not dead words. It's one of my favorite things that's ever happened.

And from Las Vegas, I would love to thank Vinny Giovanni Bonadonna. What a great name. More like Winchenzo Winnie. Yes. Win. Yes. Instead of Vin. Yes.

Because it's a win that he's here. And he's a winner. You are a winner in our eyes. And finally, from Tingalpa. Tingalpa in Queensland? Brett Lee. Brett Lee. Brett Lee. Happy me to see thee.

Brett Lee. Bit of Shakespeare for you, Brett. Incredible. Thank you, Brett, Vinnie, Chloe, Jason, and Erica. And HC, of course. Happy chappy. Happy chappy. And welcome to the Triptych club you lucky lucky little devils

who are all so lucky so lucky hey if you want to join them or anyone else we shouted out and you want to get these bonus episodes or just uh help out the show you can go to patreon.com slash do go on pod or do go on pod.com and that's the same place jess where you can suggest a topic yes you can just like the fantastic one matt did today oh god, God, it was good, wasn't it? What a story. And you don't have to be supporting us in any financial way to suggest a topic. Anybody can do that. So, yeah, there's a link in the show notes to the suggestion form.

Or, yes, on our website. If you want to get in touch with us, you can do so at dogoonpod.com and dogoonpod at gmail.com and dogoonpod on all social media. So, buddy, get in touch. That is absolutely right, Jess. And we should say that if you enjoyed today's episode and you're in Melbourne, you can get to Melbourne the next three Sunday nights at 8.45 p.m. at the European Beer Cafe.

We will be recording some live episodes. And this Sunday, April the 10th, 2022, if you are in town, you will see us on stage with the fifth beetle himself nick maso mason yeah you're the hero that we all needed we're so excited for to share the stage once again or for him to share his stage with us yeah exactly so you can get tickets for that at do go on pod dot com and we would love to see you there man it'd be so good thanks to everyone that did come out to the show we really appreciate it but i guess that's it jess that's it so again thank you so much for listening we'll be back next week with another episode but until then i'll

say thank you so much and goodbye laters bye That'll end very badly indeed.