Do Go On - 338 - A Brief History of Aviation (with Midflight Brawl)

Episode Date: April 13, 2022

This week we have a special episode of Do Go On, as we do a crossover with Luke Heggie and Nick Cody from Midflight Brawl. We start with a brief history of aviation, and see what it's all inevitably built towards... Biffs and brawls in the sky!Come to our live podcasts in April: https://www.trybooking.com/BXSIVSee our quiz show live in Melbourne: https://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2022/shows/the-quiz-showSee Matt and Alasdair live in Melbourne (with discount code 'dogoon'): https://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2022/shows/honk-honk-hubba-hubba-ring-a-ding-dingSupport the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: dogoonpod.com or patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.space.com/16657-worlds-first-commercial-airline-the-greatest-moments-in-flight.htmlhttps://www.budgetairlineguide.com/low-cost-airlines-history-how-it-all-got-started/https://gizmodo.com/what-international-air-travel-was-like-in-the-1930s-1471258414https://www.usatoday.com/story/travel/roadwarriorvoices/2016/01/10/this-is-what-it-was-like-to-fly-in-the-1930s/83283086/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Just jumping in really quickly at the start of today's episode to tell you about some upcoming opportunities to see us live in the flesh. And you can see us live at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2024. We are doing three live podcasts on Sundays at 3.30 at Basement Comedy Club, April 7, 14 and 21. You can get tickets at dogo1pod.com. Matt, you're also doing some shows around the country. That's right. I'm doing shows with Saren Jayamana, who's been on the show before. We're going to be in Perth in January, Adelaide in February, Melbourne through the festival in April, and then Brisbane after that. I'm also doing Who Knew It's in Perth and Adelaide. Details for all that stuff at mattstuartcomedy.com.

We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Death is in our air. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. To show your true heart is to risk your life. When I die here, you'll never leave Japan alive.

FX's Shogun, a new original series, streaming February 27th exclusively on Disney+. 18 plus subscription required. T's and C's apply. Hey, everyone. Just Dave here dropping in at the top of the episode to say that you're about to hear a very special edition of Do Go On. We've done a crossover episode with Midflight Brawl, our great friends Luke Heagy and Nick Cody. So it's a normal report coming up just with a little bit of a spin on it.

But we've also got some live shows coming up. This Sunday, April 17 and April 24, we're doing two live podcasts at the European Beer Cafe. We'd love to see you there. Also, we've been moved to a bigger venue for our quiz show, the final one of the run, Monday, April 18th. And we have some very, very big surprise guests booked in. So we'd love to see you there. You can find the links to the tickets in the show notes,

as well as some details about Matt Stewart's comedy shows that he's doing with Alistair Trombley-Burchell at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. That show is, of course, Honk Honk, Hubba Hubba, Ringer, Ding Ding. Oh, I'm so glad you said it. And I'm also coming to Canberra, Sydney and Brisbane. Check out mattstewartcomedy.com for details. I'm here too.

Okay, now on with the special episode. Hello and welcome to the Do Go On Mid-Flight Brawl. Oh God, this is a mouthful. Crossover Spectacular. Spectacular? Yeah. I like that. Why not? Geez, I'm so happy you got to name it.

What would you have gone for? Mid-Flight Brawl plus guests. And then never mention names. Yeah, no, I think we've done all right there. You can have a name check. It's spectacular. It's great. My name's Dave, for people who don't know me.

I'm here with Jess. We do a podcast called Do Go On with our esteemed colleague, Matt Stewart. Yep. But Acast have said only one ranger on a show at a time, so he's on the bench until I tuck myself out and we'll get him in. How long will that be? Oh, I don't know. At Brekkie Radio, I could go for seven, eight minutes.

Okay. Then if you play a song, I'm all right for a bit longer. Repeat. I'm going to say mashups for me. Are you going to say your name? I'm Nick Cody. And I'm Luke Heggy. And we're from Midflight Brawl for the people,

most people who are listening to this who don't know who the fuck we are. But I'm into mashups. In terms of music, if I like a song, I'll just listen to it and then I'll listen to another song and enjoy them both. I'm widely known minds with mashups. In terms of music, if I like a song, I'll just listen to it and then I'll listen to another song and enjoy them both. I'm widely known for my open mind. Hopefully this works. As I said, commercial radio, I think every second song, you go, fuck yeah, Fleetwood Mac.

Hold on. What's this bloke done to it? That's a motto of commercial music, isn't it? Fuck yeah, Fleetwood Mac. My favourite at the minute is Toxic. There's a song called Toxic Pony, which is a genuine Britney Spears match-up. Yeah, no, I could have guessed that one, I reckon, yeah. If I had to have a stab.

Is it genuine? Wasn't it genuine? Genuine. Genuine. Yes. I don't know. You're the 40-odd-year-old from Queensland. If anyone was going to know R&B from the 90s, early 2000s.

I know it a lot. It's not rum and bourbon, by the way, just so you know. All right. Anyway, thanks, guys, for having us on your podcast. Thanks for having us on your podcast. We're putting it out on both feeds to capture the beautiful listeners of both podcasts. So for people who don't know Midflight Brawl, tell us what it is.

Well, it's a podcast each week where we cover a different scrap on a plane pretty much. There's a lot of people fighting on planes, on the ground, in the air, sometimes in the airport. We just did a Spirit Airlines episode recently and sometimes you don't even get to the plane before you think, fuck this. I'm belting everyone. And people always ask.

It's like, well, you're doing a thing where you cover plane fights or plane incidents. They don't necessarily have to be fights. People, what are they normally doing? What's their excuse? There's a lot of yelling. There's breakdowns. There's feigned illnesses.

There's, you know, trying to get free stuff. Nothing is ever anyone's fault. It's a major overriding theme. It's generally nothing is anyone's fault. I tried this sleeping tablet for the first time and I had, you know, 86 beers plus I'm anxious. And the lawyer also said to tell you that I have depression. It's just whatever you need except to say I fucked up on a plane.

We've done 100-odd episodes. Never has someone just put their hand up. Grant Hackett put his hand up. Oh, yeah. Pretty much no one else has. It wasn't me. Hackett put his hand up on the plane and reached forward to the seat in front and nipple crippled a bloke.

So he put his hand up before he had to put his hand up. Reaching across is very funny as well. Allegedly. We say that a lot. There was one episode I've been listening to a lot of your show lately. One that really stood out in my feed. I think it was called Homemade Parachute. Oh, man, yeah.

I was like, I'm listening to that one. It was just a tent from Kathmandu or something this bloke put together with a curtain sash off the plane and tried to hijack it. Look up everyone and jump out. Oh, my God. Yeah, Filipino MacGyver slash DB Cooper. I don't want to spoil it for Jess, but imagine how it ends.

I'm going to guess not well. Well, yeah, I don't want to spoil it for anyone, but it's just like a knuckle and a knee hanging out of the mud. Yeah. I don't want to give much away, but they didn't find DB Cooper and that's quite the opposite of what happened with our bloke. Yeah. They definitely found him.

Yeah, but that's good. I like a resolution, you know. DB Cooper, you're like, what? It gives you closure. Exactly. I'm like, where is he? What's happened? This guy, no question. gives you closure. Exactly. I'm like, where is he? What's happened? This guy?

No question. Did you just have a Warnie episode? Yeah. Come out? Was that recorded before? Because we did a, we've got a spin-off podcast for our Patreon subscribers called Land Larrikins and we did a cricket special. All-time grab 11.

Filled every position. Who else was in the 11? That's great. Well, not many Aussies. Terry Jenner, Warnies coach, funnily enough. Another spin bowler from the 70s. He's done time. A few subcontinental murderers and stuff.

Oh, okay. So properly crook. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Like drug traffickers from West Indies, English grubs. Only a couple of proper lovable larrikins like your Warnies and your Ben Stokes. Yeah.

Just bashing and, you know, philandering, what have you. But some of them are quite sinister. But you can't leave a murderer. Like there is a suggestion that murder is quite high on the list of crimes. So you can't leave them out of the leather. You can't, no. You're the 12th man and you're the murderer. You're like, come on.

What are you going to do? Come on. He didn't date Liz early, though. Sorry, mate. Sorry, mate. You've got to wait for an injury. Sorry, mate. That's just how it works.

No, we did do that after the fact, luckily. So it wasn't like we were like, yeah, he's the best. He's going to live forever. Oh, man. Ours was on the day. Oh, wow. Like ours before. Yeah.

Then the next week we'd done something on a wrestler who died the week after forever. Oh, man. Ours was on the day. Oh, wow. Like ours before. Yeah. Then the next week we'd done something on a wrestler who died the week after that. Oh, yeah. Things aren't looking good for you two. We need an air podcast. Stay home. I am home. So how's this mashup going to work?

Well, so you guys do mid-flight incidents or airport incidents as it is. We have a more broad sort of topic choice. We pick something from history and take it in turns to do a report on it basically. We have done some brawly type stuff. I've been looking back because we've done over 300 episodes. We've covered quite a few topics. You've covered history.

Now you've got to look forward to the future. Yeah, we do a lot of reports on hoverboards. Just guess. 300 episodes. We've covered quite a few topics. You've covered history. Now you've got to look forward to the future. Yeah. We're doing a lot of reports on hoverboards. Just guess. Yeah. I reckon they're going to be sick. End of report. I have to say I'm disappointed in the present because when I was a kid,

the future was presented as everyone gets their own fucking robot. Yeah. Where's mine? No robot. That was 2000 was a magical towards 2000. That was beyond 2000. What's the next thing? It's just a Roomba.

That's fucked. It doesn't even vacuum properly. It runs into shit. It's not kind of a shop square, is it? Real shit robot. That's all I've ever said. We'll have a really bad robot. Cheap labor replaced robots.

Got a pair of shoes for four bucks. Thanks, robots. Yeah. Got a pair of shoes for four bucks. Thanks, robots. Thanks, little robots. Jesus. How's he sleep at night if you call him robots? So we've done a couple of, we've done the Malice at the Palace. Yep. Oh, yeah.

I know this one. Yep. We had Josh Earl come in and tell us about that. Big NBA fans. That was fun. Do you remember this one, Jess? We did the Toronto Clown Riot. Absolutely not.

Do you know that? No. What, like an affair? It was circus clowns versus a bunch of firefighters. Did I do that before? Yeah. Was it organised, like a back of the sheds sort of thing, or they just kicked off?

It just sort of erupted. Great. Even better. Wow. You'll remember more about it, Jess. That's so good that it's your report. You've written a report on Toronto clowns punching on with firefighters. You're like, I don't know.

I don't remember anything from this podcast. When we started six years ago, I thought this is great. This is going to make me a lot smarter. I'm going to get better at pub trivia. Nothing. Turn off the mics. It's all gone. It's useless. What's your favourite, next question,

favourite Toronto clown fight? Dunno, that sounds better. Anyway, next. That's a trick. No clue. Is it lunchtime? We having lunch? That's me. So, but for this sort of mashup, I thought Hagi and I have been coming up with a little plan here and that is maybe that I could talk a little So, but for this sort of mashup, I thought,

Higgy and I have been coming up with a little plan here, and that is maybe that I could talk a little bit about the history of flight. Ooh. Beautiful. The good old days. Oh, all the romance. When it was, you know, gentlemen working out how to get into the air. Yeah.

Oh, that far back. Yeah. The wrong route. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, even further back, my friend. Wow. Oh, my God. How we basically got to where you are now,

where people are kicking the shit out of each other. Yeah, just a descent into what it is today. That's probably what it was. It was probably someone saw the Wright brothers, can't wait until they're bigger, I'm going to fucking bash them. Just biding their time. When we can all get on. Look at these pricks.

Showing off. I'm going to bash them. Just that sentence their time. When we can all get on. Look at these pricks. Showing off. I'm going to bash them. Just that sentence is funny. I'm going to bash them. See, and I'm one of those people too. I would not be on the first. A lot of people. No.

I don't want the first round of vaccine. I don't want the first plane. I don't want this SpaceX. You want to go out there with Pete Davidson? No. No, thank you. I'll wait until it's a regular, like there's 10 leaving Melbourne airport a day.

Yes. Then I'll go into space. Absolutely, yeah. Not before. The first five, no. And also any aircraft where it's like it's going to leave at 4.17 and then they see two clouds and go, fuck, it's off. You go, well, if you're that worried.

If it can't hang around for a bit and then take off, I don't buy it. I don't trust it. We'll come back every day for five weeks. Clear the schedule. So, yeah, well, we'll get there, but I have gone way back. Yeah, go on. It turns out mankind has wanted to fly for ages. Okay.

Like a long, long time. But it was just jumping. It was just fly for ages. Okay. Yeah. Like a long, long time. But it was just jumping. It was just known as jumping. Seriously. Seeing what happens. And to be honest, for a long time it didn't go well. Even Greek mythology has the legend of Daedalus and his son Icarus. Oh, I didn't know.

I just know Icarus. Yeah. Too close to the sun. What's his dad's name? Daedalus. Oh, Daedalus. Da Icarus. Yeah. Too close to the sun. What's his dad's name? Daedalus. Oh, Daedalus. Daedalus. I thought you said Daedalus, which just sounds like a rough nickname

to give a bloke that died from fucking old Daedalus over here. And you said it way too soon. It's like he's just died and everyone's like, come on. He hasn't hit the ground yet. Check out Daedalus. It's going to be a big impact. He might pull through. No, he won't. Daedalus. It's going to be a big impact. He might pull through. No, he won't.

Daedalus. So, yeah, he wanted to, he created wings by combining leather, leather probably, feathers and wax. Icarus was told by his dad not to fly too close to the sun and not too close to the water below. Okay. It could either melt or you get clogged up with water. Sure.

He went, you know, you're talking about the... Yeah. I'll have a crack at this. Ignored him and he flew too close to the sun, the wax melt, and son of Daedalus, Icarus, gone. And similar stories are apparently found across Europe, India, and in China as well. In terms of mythology?

Mythology, yeah. And sort of how people have wanted to fly for ages. There's loose units everywhere. Yeah, yeah. It's not a. Mythology, yeah. And sort of how people have wanted to fly for ages. There's loose units everywhere. Yeah, yeah. Seriously. Yeah. It's not a bogan with a monster energy hat thing. They're all over the world.

It doesn't matter. It is a defect of humanity. I want to get up there. But even after it's been perfected, people are still trying to do their makeshift. They can fly a fucking lawnmower or, you know, a guy's car took off because he put rocket fuel in it and drove too fast.

We did once a report on Lawn Chair Larry, you know. Oh, yeah. Who stuck a bunch of heli-boos all over the airport space. Like up. Yeah. But like in the 70s. And Larry. They had to let radio pilots to watch out for him

and not run into him. Yeah. He was in LA over the airport for a while. Yeah, and then you get up high enough and then he goes, how am I going to come down? Then some of the balloons start popping and you go, uh-oh. Yeah. Icarus, the new Icarus.

I should have listened to my dad. He said not too high. I saw a YouTube video the other day of a guy that took one of those big, almost like fan type things, really high up. He went proper high. Gloves on. He was like 30,000 feet, 40,000 feet. Got up there.

Or just holding on to the fan. Yeah. I forget the exact. Whoa. It was three weeks ago and I've had a lot of beers between then and now. But how'd it go? Did he stay up there? Yeah, and then he came down He's still there, he's stuck

Only affordable real estate I live up here now I'm on the clouds Wow, at what point can't you breathe? Like surely Maybe he wasn't that high then That's crazy He went proper high though, Like, he did have to

watch out for aircraft. You can still breathe. It's all well and good to watch out for aircraft but what are you going to do? They're coming at you pretty quick. You can turn your fan around. Here comes one. Get off the road. Stop flapping.

Well, the earliest example of man-made flight probably can be traced back to China where they flew kites several hundred years BC. Large kites were developed, some big enough to carry people. Wow. Which I read they're used for military movement sometimes but also for punishment. They just hook you up to a kite and say, see you later.

They'd just kill you. Yeah. Well, they'd hope you'd get killed, but like if you landed. That's awesome. In a better country. Great. Got away from the people trying to kill me. That's pretty great, though, to be strapped to something.

It's like you might die as punishment or you're a hero. Yeah. You've got to take part in flight. That's just life. You might have a beautiful experience soaring through the air. To me, that's like the hot air balloons that take off around Melbourne. I just look at every one of those as a 50-50 proposition, even though I assume they're a lot safer.

But how many do you hear about? It's probably once a month you hear one just coming down in someone's backyard in Greensboro or something. Yeah. They're always coming down there. Coming down, deflated, coming down. Yeah, there's crash landing. Really?

You kind of have to crash land them. Did you know that? Oh, I'm misremembering. I went in one years ago and to land them, they don't just sort of land nicely. You sort of have to brace and ideally the basket tips over and you're like sideways. What happens to all your champagne and strawberries when that happens? You've got to finish them before you land.

You're absolutely shit-faced by the end. That helps you with the fall. Stay loose. You know what I mean? Just roll out. Let's go again. Progress was stunted for centuries by mankind's obsession with the flight of birds, thinking that if they can do it like that,

why can't we? We don't have wings. That's fair enough. That's before TV. You're just looking out the window going, fuck, that looks sick. That looks really good. No footy on. Look at that budgie having a ripper of a time.

And for hundreds of years, inventors from around the world focused on ornithopters, which are machines in which flapping wings generate both lift and propulsion that emulated the way birds fly. Sadly, these often did not end very well. That was in the curly moustache era, I reckon. It's a penny farthing. They should have stuck to boxing, polite boxing. The Notre Dame fighting Irish logo.

Well, it goes back really far because in 852 AD, Armand Furman, which is a great name, placed feathers all over his body and attached wing-like garments to his arms. Then he just jumped from a tower hoping for the best. Was that Birdman Rally? Yeah, the original Birdman Rally. He jumped off Dimeroo.

Did he get the best? Well, his attempt was unsuccessful. His efforts slowed his descent just enough to allow him to survive. So maybe that is the reason. No, that's worse. Yeah, it's worse, isn't it? That's even worse. Because he survived, but every bone in his body is broken.

Right? He survived to feel the pain. Yeah. His conclusion was he didn't fly far because unlike birds, he didn't have a tail. That was what he thought was right. Yeah. Next time.

They're like, mate, there will not be a next time. Yeah, it's got nothing to do with power to weight ratio or the fact that you're just a man with feathers on. I don't think it's the feathers that are doing all the work, you know. It's like just putting glasses on a bird and go, why didn't he pass uni? You go, well, it's more than that. It's like just putting glasses on a bird and go, why didn't he pass uni? You go, well, it's more than that. It's not just the thing on him.

Look at this really smart bird. Why doesn't he have a medicine degree? Then some really smart people from all over Europe were absolutely thinking about this too. So Leonardo da Vinci, Galileo Galilei in Italy, Christian Huygens in the Netherlands, and Isaac Newton in England all contributed to an understanding of the relationship between resistance or drag and such factors as the surface area of an object, like you're talking about.

They're actually using science rather than, I reckon I'm missing a tail. Yeah, it's a tail, I reckon. Christian Huygens sounds like a Meyer suit brand. Yes. I'll have worn that to my formal. Exactly. What are you wearing?

Christian Hugen. It would have been buy two shirts, get a free tie or something. Yeah. But even Da Vinci was focusing on birds and bats. So we can look at Da Vinci like an idiot. He was not thinking about jets. Yeah, come on, mate. Get a jet. It's rocket fuel like an idiot. He was not thinking about jets. Fuckhead. Yeah, come on, mate.

Get a jet. It's rocket fuel, you idiot. English engineer George Cayley is sometimes referred to as the father of aviation along with about five other guys. People are vying for this title. But his claim is in 1799 he identified the four forces which act on heavier-than-air flying, which are weight, lift, drag and thrust. He was also the first experimenter to focus on fixed-wing aircraft

and designed the first glider reported to have carried human aloft. So he did well. He's done very well. He's figured out the four big ones. And then he's, stop flapping your arms. You look fucking stupid. I'll just fix the wings. We're better than birds. It's embarrassing when you do it.

Gary, stop flapping your arms. You look like an idiot. But a few years before this in 1783, Jess, you'll be interested to hear that the Montgolfier brothers in Versailles in France showed off their invention of a hot air balloon. Montgolfier. That's a fun name. It also sounds like a polo branded shirt. Is that right?

Montgolfier? The horse is backwards. I got that at the Vic market. It's a Montgolfier. The first flight of a hot air balloon had the world's most confused sheep, duck and rooster on board. Oh, shit. What a weird combo.

How'd they go? They make it back? They made it back. They were worried that humans couldn't survive that high up in the air, so they went chucking the farm animals. Yeah. And they survived. Oh, there you go.

It's not working. I thought they were going to make some weird Tadak and the flames just fucking cooked them all. They dropped back. You go, well, it smells good. It doesn't work. This is great. Lunch is on.

So what was it? A sheep, a duck. And a rooster. A rooster. Okay. It's like a puzzle. Yeah. They all ate each other.

For the next century, this was the closest humans or roosters got to fly. People tinkered away with theories, experiments, and new designs. The first wind tunnel built way back in 1871 in England. Again. As in a wind tunnel like the thing you can do near the airport here where you put on the Red Bull suit and pretend to parachute. Indoor skydiving. Yeah, indoor skydiving.

You get manhandled by the guy trying to show you what to do. He's trying to correct you. Sorry. Awkward for everyone. Have you done that? No. No. I asked Cody and then I looked at Hickey.

I was thinking maybe Nick's done it. Yeah. I didn't think you would have. No, not my thing. Have you done it? No. Nah. I don't think it's my thing.

I could walk out of there with a broken neck. Just turn it off. You want to have power outages or something? You're up nice and high and this power goes out. Well, you want indoor skydiving? We'll go to you. They're really trying to make near Melbourne airport the place to go. Yeah.

But it's like the new docklands. There's urban surf where you can go out. Have you seen urban surf? Oh, yeah. Just a proper beach almost but with massive waves and you can learn how to surf near the airport. Yeah, inland surfing. Yeah.

You can do inland surfing and indoor skydiving. You can do anything in Melbourne. Come on down. Fifth most liveable city. Yay. Otto Lilienthal from Germany was dubbed the Flying Man after he made a series of successful flights with gliders. He made over 2,000 documented flights with gliders,

including his final flight, which stalled and he fell 15 metres to his death. Ooh. Hold on, that's not. 15 metres? Oh, no. You'd die from five. Oh, on, that's not. 15 metres? Oh, no. You'd die from five. Oh, no, you're fucked. I was just hoping for higher.

Yeah, I would have thought higher, yeah. Yeah, he was probably dead. Yeah, actually, you're right because he didn't die straight away. He died the next day. So if you added the zero. Oh, no question. Yeah, absolutely dumb. As he's falling, his final thought is, I wish I was higher.

And this is pre-opium, I reckon. Like pre, they haven't figured out the heroin compound yet. He's just sitting there going, oh. Feeling everything. Just trying to bite onto a belt. I wish I was higher. Give me some fucking oxys. I'm in a bad way.

His tombstone has the words, sacrifices must be made, inscribed on it. Sacrifices must be made. Oh, my God. Wow. Different time. Sacrifice yourself for progress. Progress applied.

He also has the honour of being on my favourite Wikipedia page, which is a list of inventors killed by their own inventions. Oh, superb. Wow. He's on there. Very good. That's good to know. That's a page because Higgy's a big fan of Murderpedia.

Of Murderpedia. That's a great website. You're on Murderpedia? Oh, I'm all over it. Yeah, great. Glad to meet someone else who looks at it. It's fucking sick. I get lost in it.

It's amazing. How long is this inventors killed by their own inventions? Is it quite a – It's quite extensive, yeah. It's divided by centuries. That's how long people have been dying by their own inventions. My second favourite page is a list of sexually active popes. Very good. Are these ones who haven't had the fix or they're just sort of?

Yeah, a lot of them were real bad. Real bad dudes. Real bad. That's what the inventors are. The more modern ones would be very interesting. Like inventors killed by something now. It's just like a fucking sex machine or something. Yeah.

Modern popes, any of them? When was the last one who was calling himself sexually active? It's not for a while now, sadly. Bezos will be underpaid warehouse employees. That's an uprising. Yeah. Bezos will be underpaid warehouse employees. This bloke, Otto, is also listed as the father of aviation.

He's another one. Got a lot of dad's aviation. Where's the mum? Where's the fun aunt of aviation? Honestly, I feel like if you'd gotten ladies involved earlier, you probably would have worked it out rather than just going, I reckon I need a tail. Yeah.

Thanks. Is there a creepy uncle of aviation? If you've got your dick and balls out, you go further. I need heaps of kids to push me off this cliff. I also can't be wearing pants. The science. The science. The science. Well, in the same way that two brothers took balloons to the next level,

two more brothers took modern aviation one step further, the Wright brothers, who we actually have a whole episode on. Do you remember that one, Jess? Vaguely. Probably remember that. I talked about that way back on episode 85. Okay. It's been a long time ago.

That is two of our whole shows ago, Heggie. We've done over 300. Yeah, I know. Oh, fuck. We're going to have to kill them. To overtake them, yeah. Man, in terms of fighting, like a lot of brothers involved in early flight. You can't tell me the Wright brothers didn't punch on with each other. They must have punched on, right?

That's a good point. Fuck that. Like you couldn't work with a brother and not have a punch up, especially back then. Plus, they're in Kitty Hawk in North Carolina. The home of grubbery. That's not right. That's a good point. Fuck that. Like you couldn't work with a brother and not have a punch up, especially back then. Plus they're in Kitty Hawk in North Carolina, the home of grubbery, as we've discovered. Oh, North Carolina. The absolute epicenter of grubs, North Carolina.

When we started mid-flight brawl, we thought it was just going to be Gold Coast, Bali, bit of Manchester, but North Carolina comes up more than anything. Yeah, they're ready to fight. Yeah, there's something. I don't know. Something about the joint. I don't know. Big connecting hub for an airlock. Something than anything. Yeah, they're ready to fight. Yeah, there's something. I don't know. Something about the joint. I don't know.

Big connecting hub for an airlock. Something's happening. Yeah, I don't know. Just a central sort of spot for fighting. I mean, the Wright brothers, there was just no snivelling little turd filming it. So, of course, they had biffs. They must have.

Yeah, for sure. But we love those snivelling little turds for filming it because now you have content. Well, yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely. We appreciate it now. Now, they're playing the Wright Brothers plane. Were they sitting one in front of the other?

Because that is, I'm trying to think about their aircraft. I think it's your Cropex over the back. Yeah. Ear flick. That's how the cockpit was invented. I had my little brother sit behind me in a fucking nightmare. Punched me. Got to keep an eye on the bastard, yeah.

I think it might be even worse in that it was one at a time, so they're probably fighting over who gets to go. I think it was funny. They did have a passenger. I remember Thomas Selfridge that Orville took up and fucking killed. What? Orville Wright took up a passenger like an army lieutenant, Thomas Selfridge.

And the propeller split, plane crashed, Orville Wright took up a passenger like an army lieutenant, Thomas Selfridge. That's right. And the propeller split, plane crashed, Orville survived. So did Thomas, but the next day he died. But then no one gave a fuck. It was like, oh, you're still a hero, Orville. Look what you've done. The next year, ticker tape parades, whatever. What about Thomas?

Who cares? Who cares? Who cares? Don't worry about it. It's not unlike when your hero and God, like a footy player here, like actual God just kills a teenager in his house in a pool or something, you go, bloody good kicker though. He's all right.

It never makes the real. Jolly good show. Never makes the YouTube highlights package. The yellow tape going around the pool in the kitchen. The yellow tape going around the pool in the kitchen. So, yeah, they're out there. Each brother flew their wooden gasoline-powered propeller biplane, the Wright Flyer, twice, four flights in total,

with the shortest lasting 12 seconds and the longest sustaining flight for about 59 seconds. Wow. And that's actually the world's, I think the world's shortest flight is around that mark. It's somewhere in the world's, I think the world's shortest flight is around that mark. It's somewhere in the UK to a little island. Oh, yes. It's like a Scottish island or something like that. It's like a minute, minute 13.

Proper plane takeoff and landing. They almost did it. The Wright brothers. They almost did it. Build a bridge, wouldn't you? Yeah. For a minute. Yeah.

For a minute flight. That's crazy. Someone hates driving there. Yeah. Only planes. Do they still do like the safety demonstration at the start? Serve up a drink. Just a snack.

Just a snack. Just a short flight. Just a muffin. I flew from Sydney to Canberra and the steward, they were panicked. You're in the air for such a short time. They're like throwing cookies to people. Oh, yeah. You can't get it done.

Oh, I've done that on a little one of them. Yeah, they just stand at the front, it's a fucking scapegoat, just boiled sweets, chucking them down the aisle. Yeah, I flew Canberra to Melbourne last weekend on Qantas. They said we're only in the air for 32 minutes. And I said, okay, where's the booze? Yeah. They said it's only 32 minutes.

Two then. Just the two things. I'll just have two then. Thank you. I felt like a dog, just the head on an angle. Why? Yeah, you said 32 minutes. Yeah, no, I'm not hearing you.

You're not hearing me though. It's strange. Also, I don't want to create a. You're not hearing me, though. It's strange. Also, I don't want to create a scene, but the TV in my headrest isn't working. Can you get that going? I want to watch a movie. So they're the first to do it, probably. There's a bit of debate over who did it first, but most people think the Wright brothers are some Brazilian guy

that we always get messages from. Brazilian people are taught that another guy did. Do you know this? Let me guess. A Brazilian? Yes. There we go. It's a bit first fleety, isn't it?

Alberto Santos Dumont. Okay. That's right. So I apologise to any Brazilian listeners. We then, but I looked into it, look how the Wright brothers pipped him. We then entered the pioneer era of aviation that lasted until World War I broke out, and there's a lot of experimentation going on during this time.

But by 1914, the tractor configuration biplane had become the most popular form of aircraft design and will remain so until the end of the 20s. A tractor configuration refers to an aircraft constructed in this standard configuration with its engine mounted with the propeller in front of it so the aircraft looks like it's pulled through the air rather than jet engines, I guess. That's one of the – they'd start it spinning it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get it going. Terrifying. The flight I took from Canberra to Sydney, it had propellers. Yeah. Once we took a flight from – do you remember this, Jess? From Dublin to Glasgow? We were on the time.

No, she doesn't remember. She doesn't remember what happened. Yeah, yeah. Do you remember I turned to you and said, it's got propellers? Yeah, you were quite panicked. I was panicked. Oh, really? That would have been a bit of Stobart air or something,

one of those little Aer Lingus. It was Aer Lingus. Aer Lingus, yeah. We missed the first flight because Jess was buying a magnet. I was filling up my bottle of water. Wow. Yeah, we missed it. That's all it took.

That's all it took. You must be the first sober people to miss a flight in Dublin. They're like, no, no, no. Look, breath on me. I'm fine. Yeah, I'm fine. But I've got this adorable magnet now. I can't get this magnet.

I can't have this left without you when these fucking nerds look at me. Three Australians leave them. Water magnets piss off. They leave anyone dumb enough to go to the airport gift shop. They can have this left without you when these fucking nerds look at you. Three Australians, leave them. Water, magnets, piss off. They leave anyone dumb enough to go to the airport gift shop. Propellers are good though. There was a Rex flight the other year that just dropped one off on Melbourne to Wagga or something, just dropped a propeller over Aubrey, just kept going.

Landed. We'll come back to that. Didn't know. Pick it up on the way back. Didn't know. I think some people in the cabin let them know that something bad had happened, but you can land it on one. So every flight in the world has to be within three hours of one engine.

So that's why sometimes you fly overseas, you go, what the fuck are we going this way? And there's all these little airports just in case engines fail, you can get there on one. Ah, that's good to know because sometimes you're watching the map, as I do, while I watch a film when I can watch where we are, and you go, why are we going out there and then turning left? Is our pilot lost?

Yeah. Oh, that's cool. I was sitting in the traffic lights recently in this motorbike with a big cube of food on the back, going the other way pretty quick, hit a pothole. Lots of potholes in Sydney at the moment and just fucking lost its cube of food. Kept going, didn't notice. What are we having for dinner tonight, kiddos?

That's like a video game. It's like Mario Kart. Just fucking knocked a tick of masala at it. Bang. I'll pick that up. Thank you very much. Then World War I kicks off and it often is a way, that means more development in technology.

People throw money at the war. So planes really took off and became an aerial arms race of sorts, according to the Illustrated Encyclopedia of Military Aircraft. Are you familiar with this website? It's my home page. For interest. France was the war's leading aircraft manufacturer, producing nearly 68,000 planes during World War I.

Of those, nearly 53,000 were shot down, crashed or damaged. Wow. So. Still buy cheap, buy twice. Yeah. Buy cheap, buy twice twice put more money in yeah fine

what a time though to be pumping out planes World War 1 under pressure it's when you work the best we're just like the world's biggest plane just got wrecked

in the Ukraine oh yeah yeah they just blew it up bummer that huge thing it looks like anytime you see like this is a video game

they flew it to Perth the other year. It can fly massive aircraft parts around. It can fly tanks, everything. And it was just sitting there in the Ukraine and, you know, it's like when any looting happens, they're just going to fucking burn it. You go, well, just leave it alone. It's not doing anything. It's not a war plane.

It's just a big plane. Just take the plane. Yeah. Even the Taliban just kept the helicopters and stuff. a big plane. Just take the plane. Yeah. You know what I mean? Even the Taliban just kept the helicopters and stuff. They're like, cheers, lads. Yeah. Thanks for leaving the keys in the ignition.

Yeah, we'll figure this out. There's got to be a YouTube video of this. I love planes, but I'm not at the point. I hope it's not an age thing. I hope it's more a personality thing to turn up to an airport to see one arrive. Yeah. Like I'm not, hey, kids, the world's biggest plane is coming to Geelong.

So you reckon if that big one had come, you wouldn't have bothered? No, I think it did come to Melbourne. Melbourne or Perth it came to a few years ago. People were wrapped. Oh, no. Not for you? No. It would feel like wartime.

Like it's just a weird thing to do. Yeah. Get your kids in the car and go and watch a plane coming in. Yeah, like when people used to turn up to see a train arrive. Yeah. We've evolved past that. We had that the other week where I left somebody handwritten a note, and they're not in our street, so they must have dropped it

at all these streets near our train station. Hey, Victoria Steam Rail Society has a steam train running past this station every half an hour on Saturday. Get around. We're all meeting on this side. It's like I think you're putting wear in to try and get more people to your fucking solo venture to watch the steam train. And did you go?

No. I asked my three-year-old. He was like, I'm okay. I'm fine. Same one on television. Yeah. Fuck it. It's okay.

Fine. Same one on television. Yeah. Fuck it. It's okay. Fine. And it was just before and during the First World War that people started to look ahead and fantasise about the idea of commercial travel on aircraft.

And according to History.com, the first commercial flight was on New Year's Day 1914. Pilot Tony Yannis transported a single passenger, the Mayor Abe Field of St. Petersburg, Florida, across Tampa Bay via his flying boat, the St. Petersburg-Tampa Airboat Line. Okay. Wow. So he named the airline for the first flight.

The flight was 23 miles, mostly along the Tampa Bay shore, in case something went wrong. Yeah. Cost $5. 2,000 people watched the flight. Yeah, of course. There we go. Well, it charged the mayor.

Yeah. Wow. The mayor paid for it. $5. Wow. Did he or did he just pinch the money off the people? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The plane flew no higher than 50 feet or 15 meters over the water.

That's not enough. Halfway to Tampa, the engine misfired and he touched down in the bay, made some adjustments and took off again. Oh, wow. A fibre back. Yeah. Yeah, surely. Amazingly, this would lay the foundation for the commercial airline industry.

How? That's where it started. And I also love that they've heard the stats out of France in World War II Airline industry. How? That's where it started, huh? Yeah. And I also love that they've heard the stats out of France in World War II that 90% of the planes have just smashed or fucking been shot down and they're like, we should get a lot of people in our family on these and go somewhere.

We should use these for holidays. Should you? From all the sort of glitz and romance of early flight though, when the world had hope for the future and people were wearing their best clothes to get on a plane and calling each other sir and madam, being polite for the sake of it, not just to fucking get something for free. Through to now where you can just have an actual fight at a boarding gate and when they say you've got to have more than your undies on to get on a plane,

that you're not allowed to have 18 beers and start screaming at strangers or you don't get to sit there and call the flight attendant slags. All this has just come about because it's too fucking easy for a long time. I think we need another war. Okay. Victimhood is such an attractive prospect. People are lining up to be one now. They are some of my favourite stories, the influences that aren't allowed

on a plane. Yeah. They're like, why? Because of this? I'm like, yeah, maybe. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not a prude, but it's a, why would you want your bare back on a fucking plane seat?

Yeah, yeah. That's the number one to me. That is gross. Just skin on plane seat. Yeah. It's like, this isn't for the other person. This is for your health and safety. Put a top on.

I'm doing you a favour, mate. I used to get away with those string muscle singlets though. Gross. On Jetstar? Yeah, on Jetstar. You'll see like a muscle man get on with those. Might as well not have anything on. Hold on.

You don't have to get in a suit, but still, fuck, do something. One slight bit of turbulence from two nipples showing. I won't even wear a track suit on the plane. No, you won't. Dave travels in jeans and boots. I travel in jeans. I wouldn't go that far. What are you wearing on a plane?

This. I wear shorts. Shorts and shoes and stuff. Yeah. Jeans is too uncomfortable for a long plane. You're not long-haul flight jeans. Yes, we're talking when we've flown to the UK. Wow.

Yeah, he'll be in jeans. I ask, economy? Economy. Economy jeans. It's called respect for your fellow passengers. Can I loose around the crotch jeans? How do you adjust for 24-hour hours? Absolutely not.

Just sit there and suck it up. Oh, man. Get off in London, pull them off, put them in the bin, go to passport control. These cannot be cleaned enough. Don't worry, I've got a fresh pair in my carry-on. I like your way of doing it though because everyone, you know, you try and find more comfortable ways to fly but you just go the opposite.

You're like, I'm putting jeans on so now this chair doesn't feel so bad. I'm in jeans. Yeah, I love feeling shit. Yeah. I'm feeling shit. Just embrace it. Jeans on a long-haul flight, far out. Yeah, no.

I've had to switch to trousers for long hauls because I wear those socks, you know, the compression socks. Yeah. I wear them. I've reached that stage of my life. So those and shorts, not great. Yeah, no fair. Did they just give you that in the prostate exam show bag?

On the way out, here's some compression socks. I went to France about five years ago. My feet just blew up the day I got there. I couldn't walk. Mine do that, but that's just from the sheer amount of booze I can chew on a lot of flights. My head's bigger, my legs, my gut. I'm a fucking disaster.

They had to roll him off the plane. I try and drink the ticket value. I try and come out ticket value. Yeah. I try and come out financially in front. Physically years behind, but financially in front. It's worth it. I find the tighter your jeans are, you can get away with the compression. The tight down.

Compression machine. Skinny jeans on a long flight. Like a lunatic. My legs are blowing up. Are you just bursting out of them like the Hulk at the other end? I look at the end of a long-haul flight. Have you seen Interstellar? Now when they go to that water planet and come back,

it's been seven years for the bloke. That's me. I get off on a glass as a cane. My kids are grown up. My kids are grown up. Dad left when I was three. I've missed his 21st. That's a lot of beers.

Well, I'm getting to the modern age of the more commercial airlines we know. The three oldest airlines that still exist, you know where they are? British Airways. No. Qantas. Qantas is third. Okay. That's the Australian carrier. American Airlines.

No. Number one is KLM from the Netherlands. 1919. So it pips Qantas by a year. And Columbia's Avianca, also 1919. Still going. so it pips Qantas by a year, and Columbia's Avianca, also 1919. Oh, wow. Still going. Avianca, one of the world's largest air crash investigations, I think,

was an Avianca plane. Yeah. I think Avianca may have been a run out of petrol in the sky or a… From that era? Oopsie-daisy, I didn't know someone was on this runway as well. Right. Maybe 70s or 80s. That's interesting. They were both 1919 and 70s or 80s. That's interesting.

They were both 1919 and then Qantas in 1920. That's cool. That's bad. Yeah. It's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think news just got out here?

Well, fuck it. We've got to join in. It'll be up in the air. They had it ready in 1918 and they just got the telegram through. Well, in 1919 they were basically using converted wartime bombers, And they just got the telegram through. Well, in 1919, they were basically using converted wartime bombers, 14 passengers lounging in comfortable wicker chairs. Wicker. Oh, wow.

Yes. Oh. Had a different idea of comfort back then. In a suit on a wicker chair, is it? Yeah. That's bad. That's bad. They had footage of theatres back then, like movie theatres and shit.

It fucking looked terrible. Yeah. It does not look comfy. Oh, man. You'd want the movie to be nice and short. Yeah. Especially if people just punch in durries next year the whole time. Yeah.

Smoking inside as you're up. But it was the 30s when it really took off, especially in the USA, because just 6,000 people travelled commercially by aeroplane in 1930 in 1930 four years later that number would multiply by 75 times wow 450 000 passengers in 34 and then a couple years later 1.2 million were traveling by air every year and what was it like well very expensive for one a flight from london to brisbane in aust Australia would, for instance, which was the longest route available in 1938, took 11 days and included two dozen scheduled stops. Wow. Poor.

Like a cruise ship. Sky cruise. Yeah. Oh, that's a lot of takeoffs and landings. You might as well just fucking jump. When he says jump, you just walk there. Do leapfrog with a bunch of other people. You can fucking get in and play with those.

Because my grandparents, my mum's parents were the 10-pound tourists, you know, the 10-pound poms. I think that took months. Yeah. But having heard that, it's like, who cares? It's not that much longer. Yeah. 24 stops.

And it would cost $20,000 US in today's money for that. Wow. It's very, very expensive. Holy shit. When you got to Brisbane from London, you'd spent your 20 grand. Yeah. And you're in Brisbane. There's nothing to do here.

Well, 22-day trip isn't bad. Just back to London. Turn it around. And then World War II accelerated the introduction of jet engines, which at first were used for military aircraft, but then were used by passengers too. And they were able to fly much higher, faster, and further than older piston-powered propolinas.

Or propolinas. Anyway, don't worry about that. Mr. Propolina. They're going to change that song now. War. What's it good for? What's it good for? Innovation. Fantastic. Mr. Propelina. They've got to change that song now, War. What's it good for? What's it good for? Fucking flying real far.

You can go and buy a boat if people didn't punch on. And then in the 50s, it really took off again. That's when the jet age took a big step forward. The Boeing 707 debuted in 1958. And Pan American Airways became the first commercial carrier to take delivery from the elongated swept wing planes launching daily flights from New York to Paris. It became a modern symbol of post-war modernity.

So that's when. There we go. Starting like this, we're hearing Boeing. We're hearing words like Boeing. Yeah. We're on the up and up. Yeah. Unless it's a 737 MAX and then whoopsie daisy,

we've got to fix some of that software. Sorry, everyone. And, yeah, that's when people dressed up and flight attendants reflected the epitome of chic. Yeah. We still do. No, now it's fake buns and stuff. Yeah.

I've seen that, you know. Yeah. Yeah. I've seen someone put on a, like, clip in a fake bun, put the jacket on at the end. They're just tricking everyone outside. Yeah. Like, you are yelling at me.

I'm going to grab another bourbon. That's like, enjoy your trip, sir. Hold on. Hang on a second. You're very different on the ground. What is ground attitude? I imagine on your show you talk at least a little bit about low-cost carriers.

A little bit, yeah. Yes, we do. Well, the largest one in the world is Southwest Airlines, which was founded in Texas way back in 1967 by Herb Kelleher and the incredibly named Roland King. Sick. Roland King. I also think you don't hear enough Herbs now. Yeah.

There's not a lot of dudes called Herbs. Herb will come back. It should. I've never heard of another Roland. That's fair as well. Roland? Not Roland. Roland.

Roland King. Roland King. Roland King. That is good. I will be having a third child. My wife and I were talking about it, but now I know that combo is on the table. And, yeah, basically I mentioned that just because I wanted to say Roland King, but they started the low-cost thing by they're from Texas and the price controls and market regulations imposed by the federal

aeronautics board, he decided they won't apply to me because we're just flying in Texas. And people tried to sue and stop him because undercutting everyone else but they couldn't stop him and then he just built an empire from it. And basically people like Richard Branson and Ryanair's Michael O'Leary

EasyJet have all acknowledged their debt to the Southwest and its inspirational business model. So we can thank Roland King. Michael O'Leary, he's great. He's someone that's like we're trying to figure out if people can just stand. Yeah. We're trying to get 10p for the toilet, you know. He doesn't give a shit.

I don't give a fuck. But he's like it's 40 minutes. Who cares? Do a wee beforehand or pay your 10p or whatever. And just stand and hold on to something. Just stand. And people would. Yeah.

If you can make it happen, people would do it. Yeah. If it was dirt cheap. Yeah. Yeah, you'd do it. All the way through to today, we haven't looked back from that and it's been a fucking absolute burn for us more than anything. Way through to today, if you can cast your mind back, mate,

to February 6, 2018. New York City to Syracuse. Delta Airlines, fairly cheap, not quite as, you know, Ryanair-ish. They're good, Delta. Yeah, I don't know. They were Virgin-ish. They're good, Delta. Yeah, I don't know. They were Virgin's partner. They're good for America. Yeah.

I think Americans come over here and hop on our, you know, Qantas and Virgin and they're blown away. It's like the olden days. Yeah. Susan Perez was the last passenger on board, a graduate from NYU with a degree in international trauma studies. They're just fucking making shit up now, aren't they? Do an entire degree on nearly anything.

I don't know what you've got. Have you studied degrees on stupid shit? Yeah, drama. Okay. Well, duh. First thing I studied. Love that you're like, international trauma, no. Drama.

Yeah, I'm listening. That exists. That's a thing. Yeah. International trauma after covering two world wars in the last ten minutes. Bullshit. Let me set the scene. The first degree I got into out of school was,

it was a Bachelor of Arts, but it was Creative Arts and Culture. Okay. I dropped out of that. What a waste of time. It was. I left Creative Arts and Culture. The only culture jobs are in the NRL. Okay. I dropped out of that. Oh, waste of time. It was. I left creative arts and culture. The only culture jobs are in the NRL.

They need a head of culture. They need to fix the culture. All right, guys, let's do some clay stuff. Maybe calm down a bit. Do some painting. You guys want to do a puzzle? Hey, let's do a puzzle. It'll be fun.

19-year-old Marissa Rundell was on the plane with her 8-month-old son, Mason, for the 1-hour, 15-minute flight. Susan, she wasn't happy about her backseat allocation. She began muttering to herself. And I used to actively seek out the backseat when I was, you know, booking a flight. You can sit there picking your nose, flicking it, whoever you want. Right, 30.

Put your fucking seat back. Yeah. You aren't near kids though, generally. Yeah, they will put kids down there. One downside though, the FAA still comes through and wake you up and go, put your seat forward. Fuck, why? Do you guys sort of put them all back so that maybe they don't notice? But sometimes they still do.

Have you ever had the moment where you get back there and you can't move the seat back? Yeah, I have. The wall? It's a mistake. Yeah. That is rough. That's not happening ever again. I'm on Seat Guru. Have you ever had the moment where you get back there and you can't move the seat back? Yeah, I have. The wall? It's a mistake. Yeah. Oh, that is rough.

That's not happening ever again. I'm on seat guru before every long-haul flight. I love it. I'm reading reviews, not only on airlines, on specific seats, on specific aircraft. So do you ever do any reviews? No, I don't leave them. D-13, absolutely loved it. Had a great time in D-13.

Yeah, well. Oh, by the way Susan appeared to have Three seats to herself In the back row And was doing some muttering And whinging What's she upset about?

Back seat It's called Bogan business class If you get a whole row That's the best She's saying Happened to me once Was the greatest flight of my life

Yeah She's muttering Up the fucking bitch ass Back of the plane Was her quote Marissa Asked Susan Not to swear in front of her child. We've got to protect the children.

Eight months old, rack off. They don't know anything. Yeah. They're not hearing that. They've got little faces. They don't know a fucking thing, man. You don't have to stop swearing in front of your kids until you get a phone call from Kindy.

They don't pick it up. They'll let you know. They don't even know fear eight-month-olds. I've got one in my house right now and I run at him full speed and throw a karate kick. He goes, what's up, motherfucker? He just laughs. It's the best age.

If I do it to the three-year-old, he'd freak out. I don't know, at some point. Somewhere in between eight months and three. That's how I used to wake one up, just start the chainsaw over the cock. Well, I'm trying to get up. But is this lady worried that her eight-months first words are going to be fucking back of the plane? Fucking back-ass bitch of the plane, yeah.

Sorry, what, Timmy? I'd be quite proud of that, actually. Good sentence structure. Yeah, that's my full sentence. Susan. I don't want to judge, but she's a teen mum with a son named Mason. Yeah. I don't reckon Susan's swear word is the first one that's been heard.

Yeah. Susan immediately put reckon Susan Swearword is the first one that's been heard. Susan immediately put her other degree into practice, a BA in European History and Romance Languages. Fucking waste of time. Her reply to Marissa was, shut the fuck up and shove it. Baby didn't say a thing. Is that French? Beautiful language.

Language of love. So right there. Then she said, I'm not sitting here crying, baby. And Marissa said, he won't cry the whole time. Flight attendant Tabitha came over. Tabitha was clearly born in about 1965, part of the Bewitched TV series. And the exchange involved her going, you know, stop swearing, stop being a dickhead. And Susan just said, you know, I'm not having this. What's your name?

You're not going to have a job tomorrow, Tabitha. That's what she said. Susan's not having a good day, is she? She's having a shit one. Yeah. Also, if you're in row 30, you don't have the power to take anyone's job. No. Next to the toilet at the back.

Yeah. And Tabitha, for that, she said, I want this woman off the plane. And then Susan has just fallen apart knowing that she's getting chucked off the plane. She's like, no, I'm sorry. If I don't, I can't get home. I've got to take this plane. I'm sorry.

I apologise. I was stressed out, crocodile tears, that sort of shit. Too little, too late. I mean, the plane took off without incident or Susan. See you, Susan, last in, first out. Marissa took some footage just to show her family. It went viral. It's not that good.

But she's like, this lady thought she was going to be rude to me and Mason. Now she has no way home today, Marissa said triumphantly. She later removed it among the furor, though. They should have kicked her out. She should have said Mason and I. Yeah. You're out too. I don't think anyone has ever said Mason and I. Yeah. You're out too. I don't think anyone has ever said Mason and I.

Doesn't happen. Brayden and myself, we're heading out. To whom are you talking, Jaden? No. She felt bad a woman may lose her job just for being a fuckhead. And that's a fairly rare trait these days for the youth. Yeah. They want to, you mob ever ruin someone, You mob ever ruin someone's life on a whim?

Not on a whim, no. Because you're having a bad day, you can. Very much planned. Get amongst it. You've got to vendetta at least. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. You must.

Susan, she was working for the NY Council of the Arts on 95K a year. Thank you very much. Even stated mid-tanty that she worked for the governor. Not for long. Sacked because of her behaviour off the clock. I don't know if I can get behind that. You see people on Twitter say things like, oh, you know, these are my views, not my employer.

How does that work? You can't just go and have a tant in real life then, get filmed and fucking you get sacked. Yeah, that's true. Usually it's the employer saying everybody has to put that in their Twitter bios, to be fair. Just a couple of emails I've received. After some sus tweets.

Yeah, you know me. Here's my vengeance list. I'm coming. I've used my own. I happen to know one, Nicholas J. Cody, lost his blue tick status for all the fist pumping MRA stuff and the pro guns sort of thing. I think it was that, wasn't it? No, I didn't.

Somebody tried to get into my Twitter account. I got locked out of it, tried to get back in. It was linked to an old email address. I didn't know the thing to that. Channel 9 got me back in and then I had a look around Twitter and went, oh, no, this was as fucked as I remember it. Just logged out, never went back in and the blue tick just went away. It just disappeared.

Don't tweet for long enough. It just goes. Ah. Yeah. Okay. So keep it up. Keep tweeting. Susan, she works somewhere else now.

Never heard a peep out of her since. Her social media has gone dead. She is on LinkedIn though. You'd be happy to know. She works for, now she works for Foxhole Productions, a TV company like every American company. It's like a converted warehouse situation, one of those where not much happens.

It looks innovative and cool. They definitely rip people off to pay the rent so they can brainstorm in beanbags all the lifelong day and fucking play ping pong or whatever it is you people do. Not to be confused though with the different Fox whole productions. This one's with two Xs because it's owned by one of your biggest comedy influences. Jamie Foxx?

Yes. Life after being cancelled or shamed like this I reckon it's going to be tough on my family when it happens it's not easy I know people talk about it but comedians are held

to a fairly high standard here imagine if we were allowed to fucking just bash actors that'd be sick I'd be in Hollywood every holiday just laying these little men out back to la la land dad that's tom cruise no way he says he's

an action hero he's five six that can't be him in in heels he played jack reacher there's no way he played that was the greatest casting you know know that? I believe Tom Cruise bought the rights to Jack Reacher so he could play Jack Reacher who in the book is like a six foot four fucking redundant. Yeah, yeah. Tom Cruise is like, well, I own it. I'll stand on a box and bash people. Whatever.

Just let me get my Apple box. I'm going to slap you. My mum loves Leslie Child books. She was furious when Tom Cruise was cut. Oh, yeah. She was like, what? It should have been Dolph Lundgren. Yeah.

Oh, wow. Wow. That'd be good. Is he still in great shape, Dolph? I reckon Susan's done the best thing here. Just shut up and got on with her life. She didn't feed the trolls or anything. Marissa Rundell, she now works as an office administrator

at New York Icons where you can install your child in a tumbling or cheer class and they'll all win first prize. Oh, wow. Until they reach much later. They realise that being told you're the best all the time may not be a good idea. Icons, their motto is we are iconic and we don't give up, except in adulthood when we're worn out.

They'd spend all their money on a therapy to explain why mum wanted us to train 12 hours a day instead of go to actual fucking school. What do you think the success ratio is? Is it higher on like a voice or X factor or a child, what are they called? Gymnast, a cheerleader. Yeah, what are they called, the little parades? Like a pageant? Yeah, like a pageant a cheerleader. Yeah. What are they called? The little parades? Like a pageant? Yeah, like a pageant.

Pageantry. Yeah. JonBenet. Who's pumped out more actual successful people, pageants or an X Factor voice? Probably pageants. You reckon? Pageants with the modelling industry or something? Yeah, and I reckon a lot of actors and singers and stuff,

I think a lot of them would have been in pageants as a child. That's my guess. Oh, you're doubling up. Double threat, triple threat. But an X Factor or a voice, it's like being a 26-year-old gymnast. It's too late. Yeah. You know what they've never managed to do, though,

from all the pageants? They haven't managed to crack this world peace thing they all keep talking about. No, but God, they're passionate about it, aren't they? They all want it. Do they want it bad enough? Yeah, I don't think so. Nobody's doing

anything about it we're not solving the Iraq oh gosh the Iraq so I don't know how we finish this up

sorry Rad we're going to have to wrap it up there was that there yeah that's the end of my fucking little bit of it's great

this is why I love Heggie. It just stops. Yeah, all right. Wouldn't spend an hour. It's well over an hour. No, this is spot on an hour. Oh, okay. Yep.

Hey, Ripper. Bang. That's it. That brings us to the end of the Do Go On slash Midflight Brawl remix. Spectacular. Spectacular. Spectacular. Yes.

I don't mind remix. Remix is allacular. Spectacular, yes. Spectacular. I don't mind remix. Remix is all right. Breakfast radio really in my head. I'll jump straight in from there. Remix. DJ Khaled. Sorry, everyone.

I didn't mean to yell that. He's toxic and pony played at the same time, but we'll call it a remix. Does it work, though? Does it work? They do fit in. Yeah. Great. Yeah.

There's a lot of songs being played on that station where someone's gone, hold on, it's the same beat, sort of. Yeah. That's got the same timing. Mash those up. There you go. Boom. Oh, someone at your station made that.

No. Oh, right. Okay. Just songs on the station. Someone sent it in, two massive songs, and said, this is mine now. Yeah. Sometimes these fuckheads just talk over an existing song. Yeah.

Call it theirs. Yeah. Brilliant. Kid Rock with Sweet Home Alabama. Yeah. Springs to mind. Just actually talking over the top of Sweet Home Alabama. Million bucks, thank you.

Well, they died in a plane crash, didn't they? Yeah, a lot of them did, yeah. Yeah. It's easy. You don't have to put in effort. They're not going to, thank you. Well, they died in a plane crash, didn't they? Yeah, a lot of them did, yeah. It's easy. You don't have to put in effort. They're not going to come after you. Should we just play Sweet Home Alabama quietly underneath this entire thing? Oh, yeah, Conrad. Get off Sweet Home Alabama to send us out.

We talk over him talking over Sweet Home Alabama. Do you have live shows coming up? Yeah, we actually do. So we're doing some shows at the European Beer Cafe on Sunday nights in April. Yes. There's a couple of those left, I believe. Yep. Sunday nights at 8.45.

We'll be doing Do Go On Live, which is good fun. How about you guys? You guys are doing shows at the Comedy Festival, some stand-up stuff? Yeah, I am. I'm doing a show every night at European Beer Cafe, no less. It is rolling on for fucking ever. Because you do it every night, right? Yeah, I do it every night.

Amazing. And then back after Melbourne, Sydney, Perth, Brisbane. Beautiful. Yep. And I've got ten shows only at Melbourne Comedy Festival, which I think are done by the time this comes out. But then Brisbane, Sydney, Newcastle, Perth, and then we're doing live mid-flight brawls in Hobart and Launceston

in the middle of the year. So midflightbrawl.com for that. Beautiful. Great fun. And, of course, your podcast comes out every week, and you can find that on all the podcast apps, mid-flight brawl for more. Yeah, we're not exclusive. Mid-flight shenanigans.

Yeah. And, Matt, you're fired. So rough way to find out. Luke and I are taking over. Sorry, mate're not exclusive. We're polite shenanigans. And Matt, you're fired. So, roughly to find out, Luke and I are taking over. Sorry, mate. So awkward. We'll give you that next week, right? Weird. Well, thanks very much for having us, guys.

Oh, thank you for having us. Yeah, thank you for having us. This is like a real polite see you later standoff. I'll just do it. Yeah, let's usually see you. Bye. Bye. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water.

We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Death is in our air. This year's most anticipated series, FX's Shogun, only on Disney+. We live and we die. We control nothing beyond that.

An epic saga based on the global best-selling novel by James Clavel. To show your true heart is to risk your life. When I die here, you'll never leave Japan alive. FX's Shogun, a new original series, streaming February 27th exclusively on Disney Plus 18 plus subscription required T's and C's apply

and now it's time for everybody's favourite section of the show the part where we invite Matt Stewart to join us again Matty Stewart he's back from the loo that was a long shit

gentlemen never shit I was just I just never Gentlemen never shit I was just I just never Taunted myself He was just farting I Yeah I

You know We only have the four mics And you two said Apparently Haggy and Cody Are more important than me So I subbed out

Well where would you Put yourself In the level of importance Yeah the same Yeah So it made sense Yeah no you're right I don't know why You're getting all sassy at us But now that they've gone I'm back You put yourself in the level of importance. Yeah, the same. Yeah, so it made sense. Yeah, no, you're right.

I don't know why you're getting all sassy at us. But now they've gone, I'm back. It feels good. You're back and you're on two microphones. That's right. He's showing his power. And so I'm back mainly because this is everyone's favourite section of the show. That's right. Including my favourite part of the show.

It's the section of the show where we thank a bunch of our great supporters. If it wasn't for these people, this show would not exist. And we thank them in a bunch of ways. If you sign up at dogoandpod.com or patreon.com slash dogoandpod, there's all these different levels. You get all sorts of different rewards. Bonus episodes. We do three every month.

Or you get access to the Facebook group or shout outs you get to vote on topics all sorts of different things but the things we like to do at the end of the episode is a few shout outs

the first one's called the fact quote or question section you can be involved in this if you sign up at the Sydney Sheinberg level and this section has a little jingle goes something like this fact quote or question

he always remembers the ding fucked that note sorry And this section has a little jingle, goes something like this. Fact, quote or question. He always remembers the ding. Fucked that note, sorry. So on this one, people get to give us a fact, a quote or question or a brag or a suggestion or whatever they like, really. And first up this week comes from Lisa David, soon to be Lisa Vianna. And Lisa has, you also get to give yourself a title. Lisa's got the title of Personal Occupational Therapist for the Dooga One crew.

Oh, my God. Thank God. These chairs are not ergonomical. Is that what an occupational therapist does? Cool. And Lisa has offered a brag, which is... I have a braggy fact for you.

I'm an occupational therapist therapist and I recently became... We get it. I recently became a director of rehabilitation at an assisted living center where I get to help the elderly recover from injury or illness, regain independence and improve their quality of life. Hell yeah. You may have just figured out from context clues what an occupational therapist is it was me saying my chair wasn't economical

actually that helped as well for me um my job is to not find you a job but instead it is to find creative ways to make life better i work with older folks with a range of issues from recovering from a stroke, hip fracture, and even anxiety and depression. I've been doing this for seven years and it's not easy, but it is so much easier ever since I started listening to you. You make a real difference every week in people's lives across the world, many of them like me who give their all to other people every day. I hope you realize how special you are listening to this podcast every week makes me feel strangely like i know you guys like we are pals is it bizarre

to to you that you have so many genuine admirers of you as people and as a podcast well i just want to say it feels to you like we're friends but that is not reciprocated wow i reciprocate at least uh i couldn't even get through that that is so nicely i believe that you are really good at your job because you've just made me feel really good just with an email yeah so thank you so much that's lovely and it's really cool that you do work that is uh you know it's rewarding and that you're um is a very tangible way of saying you're work that is, you know, it's rewarding and that you're, it's a very tangible way of saying you're helping people sometimes. And, you know, you've just said we help people,

but it doesn't always feel like that. When we're sitting in my living room talking into microphones, it doesn't feel like we're helping people. So that's really cool. Yeah. And the question, is it bizarre? Is it still bizarre that you have many genuine admirers? Yeah.

I'm like, I mean, it just doesn't, I don't think, I just don't think my brain believes that. Yeah. So it doesn't feel bizarre because it doesn't. Does it just blow your mind every time we do a live show then and people turn up? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how I'm able to, I don't know.

You just sort of think that people have accidentally wandered into a room and are too polite to leave Think that people Have accidentally Wanted into a room And are too polite to leave Yeah this thing It's a room of nice people Who are supporting Me Yeah

And us And they're like Hey we're just They're doing us a favour Okay yeah yeah You know what I mean Yeah Like hey we just want to

Come so you can do this Have fun Have fun And hang out with your friends And we'll pretend to laugh Is that what you think Is happening They're relatively convincing Sometimes Yeah they are pretty convincing Have fun. Have fun. And hang out with your friends. And we'll pretend to laugh. Is that what you think is happening? They're relatively convincing sometimes.

Yeah, they are pretty convincing. Yeah, no, of course, it's completely mind-blowing. It's very strange in the best possible way. It's a very surreal thing to experience. Thank you very much for your message there, Lisa. The next one comes from Kel Wacholtz, who's got the title of official US expert on pie and other desserts. Oh, please. Kel is offering a suggestion, writing,

Jess said this was open to recipes a few episodes ago. Yeah. So I figured I'd share a good pie recipe with y'all. This one's for sweet red bean hand pies and Thai tea glaze. Make pie crust. Get your pens out. Oh my God.

Make pie crust. Mix together flour, butter, and a little sugar, salt, and apple cider vinegar. Once cooled, cut into three inch squares. Make red bean paste. You do this by cooking red beans or azuki and blend with coconut oil and sugar.

Then you assemble the pies by putting a small amount of red bean paste on one pie crust. Place another pie crust on and seal. Press coarse sugar into the pie crust. Throw in the oven and bake. Let cool thoroughly once the pie crust throw in the oven and bake let cool thoroughly once the pie crust is golden brown make glaze with thai tea and generously top yum wow that sounds great final step oh enjoy enjoy i've added that in but i reckon that was kel's first fact quota question for us and i got a suggestion for recipe for us. And for recipe, thank you.

Kel, you've nailed it. Thank you so much. Also, like, simple. You know how a lot of recipes, and there's a lot of jokes stand-ups are doing, or it's jokes on the internet about people where you go to find a recipe and it's like, I grew up in the summertime. You're like, ah, goddammit. Straight to the point.

Easy to follow instructions. Loved that. Thank you so much love it thanks cal apparently they do all those long ones it's for there's some sort of reason what do you call like the suv or whatever not suv yeah the suv the sports utility vehicle seo the suv the. Where it's sort of like internet stuff, algorithms and stuff. They do them longer and it's sort of like those blogs make advertising revenue and that's what... Because I remember someone complained about it on Facebook or Twitter or something and someone replied like, how hard is it to scroll down? This is how they make their money, you know.

All right. I'm just, I never, yeah. It makes sense. I'm like, why does everyone do that? It makes sense that there's a reason for it. This next one comes from Eric Morales, or Morales, aka Junior Vice President of Productive Procrastination,

such as cleaning my room at 11 p.m. when I have a homework assignment due at midnight. What are you doing? Good luck fitting that on your business card. Yeah, that is lengthy. I'd make that an acronym. But Dave, you're assuming the assignment isn't done. I reckon it's done.

It just hasn't hit submit. That made me genuinely concerned for you. Yeah. There was a bit in the middle that said it sounded like suck my something. It really did, didn't it? Suck my... Because I was... Some of them I was just doing the first letter. Some of them I forgot and was saying the word. Parts of it. So, I was... Some of them I was just doing the first letter. Some of them I forgot and was saying the word.

Parts of it. So I had... Sacre bleu. I had moved on and was saying something else today. I've turned around and Matt's doing that with his face. And I was like, oh no. I was like, something's wrong. Took me a bit to figure out.

We've got to reboot Matt. You're doing the acronym. I was like, oh dear.. It took me a bit to figure out. You've got to reboot Matt. You're doing the acronym. I was like, oh dear. Try turning him on and off again. I was going to just turn him on his side. I was going to get Dave to call an ambulance, but we're okay. Who smells toast? So, Eric has a brag writing to Matt, Jess and the rest.

Love a brag. Oh, a rest? Suck dude. Haha, a rest? Suck dude. Haha, gotcha Dave, writes Eric. He did, because I was on his side for the brag and he immediately cut me deep. Because people love that rule of three bit. Often in tweets and stuff, people say to Matt, Jess and the shit one

or to Jess, Dave and the ugly guy. Yeah. It's like, oh. Jess, you're nearly always included by name. Yeah, because people know not to bully me. Because I'll fuck them. Matt and I are always... Fuck them up, I'll fuck them up.

And they do not want that. They don't want that. Matt and I are often thrown under the bus for the gag. Yeah, because you can't make jokes about a lady. Too delicate. Too delicate. As a feminist, I know that. Too fragile.

Look at me. I'm made of glass. Nah, but don't make jokes about me, thank you. I can't handle it. I'm made of glass. I don't want it. And I will fuck you. And you don't want that. You don't want that. And I will fuck you. And you don't want that.

You don't want that. I'm very bad. Eric writes, To Matt, Jess and Dave, First of all, I would like to say thank you very much for all your hard work and all the laughs that you have given us

through your various podcasts and other works. I started listening to the pod in my fourth year of uni in 2016 and found you all through Maceo Plugging, the Elvis episode. I listened and loved it and had to go back to the first episode and try to find the explanation for Dave being away at a neo-Nazi university. Oh, God.

Studying abroad for the semester. Sorry about that, Dave. Hopefully. Did we ever tell you that's what we said you were doing? Here's the brag. I am now in my final semester of graduate school and will be getting my Master's Degree in Electrical Engineering in May of 2022.

I've been blessed with a full-time job offer at the place that I interned at and am now able to contribute to the Patreon of my favourite podcast. Is that us? That's us. This is Eric's first fact, quote or question or brag or suggestion.

Well done, Eric. Come on, Eric. Thanks again for all the laughs that you have given us and thank you for making these reports easy to follow without the help of visual aids. Oh. Eric M. Hey, no worries, Eric.

It's because we paint a picture with our words. Congratulations, Eric, on the gig. Yeah, that's amazing. Congrats. And the final one this week comes from John Hopper. Hopper. John Hop. Is it Hop or Hopper?

Well, it's H-O-P-P-E. Oh, Hoppy. Hoppy? Hoppe. Hoppe. Hop. Could be any or all of them. I love all of them.

But I think, you know, where's John from? Do we know? No. So if he's Australian, definitely gets called Hopper. Hopper, yeah. Big time. I'd be calling him Hopper. I've got a cousin-in-law who's got that name.

I'm sure it's pronounced Hopper. Love it. That's what he's known as. So John is the VP for Pastry Appreciation, not Pasty. Those are different. Okay. Whenever I travel, I like to try the local version. What's a pasty?

Not a pasty. Well, it's pasty. Hang on. So it's pasty with a Y, not pasty with an IE. They're different. Oh, I think it's pasty like the pasty is like nipple tassels. Oh, which one's which? Why is the food? Right. The pasty is like nipple tassels. Oh, which one's which? Is John an appreciator?

Why is the food? Right. Isn't IE the food as well? I think it sort of depends. Pasty. Pasty. Wait, pasty. Pasty.

Oh, my God. And John has offered us a fact. Dave's now Googling pasty nipple. Well, it's P-A-S-T-Y for a nipple pasty. Oh, so he's into the nipple pasty. And he likes having the local delicacy. What does that mean? What was that noise you made?

Too hot to handle. Spicy. So John's offered a fact, writing, I heard someone on your show mention that Maine was the easternmost state of the US. As an Alaskan, that got me curious. I looked it up and may I humbly offer the fact that the easternmost part of the United States is a small island. I do believe we said in the continental USA.

We did. I remember that as well. Dave, I'm actually and I'm actually. Yeah. Yes, you love to see it. I do. Yeah, I think that was on my episode about the Stranger of the North Pond. That's right.

And yeah, I do recall specifying it was mainland. But let's hear non-mainland. So the easternmost point in the United States is a small island out on Alaska's Aleutian chain called Semisopiconol Island. It is 15km west of the 180th meridian, making it the easternmost point of the United States. It is covered with volcanoes and although it has no human residents, up to 1 million birds call it home from time to time. Looks amazing on Google Earth too. Now, how does someone get there? So, what was the story about? Did Heggie

talk about some sort of an incident on a plane? We talked about the history of aviation. I talked about that, how planes developed. And then they talked about how violence on planes developed. Well, I think, yeah, those two go hand in hand and i yeah i think john i reckon that's my best bet is some sort of a plane yeah which i think is sort of like some sort of craft yeah air or sea submarine i guess thank you very much john yeah that's that's interesting yeah i i believe the northern western and southern most parts of parts of the US are all in Alaska. There's some fact about that.

And southern might be Hawaii. Or is Hawaii the westernmost? Anyway, I don't know. There's some fun fact about that. Yeah, I don't know. All right. That brings us to the other thing we like to do, a shout-out to a few of our great supporters.

Jess, you normally come up with a bit of a game based on the topic? Yeah, how about why they've been asked to get off a plane? Fantastic, I love that. First up, I'd love to thank from Centennial in Colorado in the United States, Cheryl I. Engelsman. Cheryl was wearing a pants as a top and her shirt as pants. Okay. Can't do that.

They said, no pants and you're not wearing pants. I am, just on my top. Are there rules about that on planes? Well, she was in first class. Cheryl was in first class. You do have to dress the part in first class. Yeah, that's right. You've got to be wearing a suit or, she was in first class. Cheryl was in first class. You do have to dress the part in first class. Yeah, that's right. You've got to be wearing a suit or formal attire in the correct fashion.

God, they are real sky Nazis, aren't they? They should know about that. None of that. I'd also love to thank from Nottingham in Great Britain, Bethan Brown. Ooh, baby! Bethan. Bethan Brown. Ooh, baby. Bethan. Bethan Brown kicked off a plane for starting a food fight. Wow.

To be fair, it was a lot of fun. Someone had a peanut allergy. Yeah. Some satay got rogue. And there was an EpiPen on board. That person is fine, but obviously not happy. You know, you got all that effort to make sure that your meal caters to your dietary requirements.

And then somebody throws satay sauce at you. No good. No good. That's a faux pas where I come from. That's a faux pas, Bethan. But people did say it was a bit of fun, but you were asked to leave the plane. And finally for me, I'd love to thank, from Blair Gowrie in Great Britain, I reckon that is in Scotland, Liam Burge.

Oh, what a name. I love the name Liam. Liam Burge. I was going to be Liam. Did you know that? If I was a boy? And I was going to be Beth or Bethan. Were you?

Bethany, I think. That's nice. Back to back. What Bethany, I think. That's nice. Back to back. What are the odds of that? That's crazy. Dave, were you going to be a Cheryl by any chance? I was. Yay!

And that is my middle name. We did it! David Cheryl! What about Liam was kicked off the plane for... He dropped his passport down the toilet and they were like, well, when you get to the other side, what are you going to do? Yeah, so they just kicked him off. Kicked him off.

He wasn't actually in his home country either. So he was stranded regardless. But they said, not our problem. I'm willing to go get it. Tom Cruise made a film based on it. Tom Hanks. Fuck. Yeah, Top Gun.

Toms are all the same to me. All toms are the same That was going to be my name Okay If I looked like a tom Now I can't figure out What's the truth Can I thank some people?

I'd love it if you did I would love to thank From deep within the fortress Of the moles Location unknown Dora Buckle Oh my god That is right up there

With best names ever Dora Buckle Dora Buckle I'm obsessed with that Oh my. Dora Buckle. Dora Buckle. I'm obsessed with that. Oh, my God. I love it so much. Dora, already good. Yes.

Buckle. Buckle is so good. I think Buckle is one of those names that goes with nearly any first name. Yeah. Matt Buckle. Matt Buckle. Holy shit. Dave Buckle.

Wait for this. Jess Buckle. That's good. What about Bucky Buckle? That's too much. You had fun one. Bucky Buckle. No, actually. What about Bucky Buckle? That's too much. Knew I'd find one. Bucky Buckle. No, actually, I don't hate it.

Back in my air conditioning days, I hooked up Phil Buckle with a heating system. Did you? And when I was measuring up his basement, I started noticing a lot of ARIA awards and gold records. And it turned out he was in John Farnham's band. I probably told this story before. I don't think so.

Or maybe. And yeah, he co-wrote like Burn For You and stuff like that. And then, so I had his number and we got on pretty well. He was a lovely guy. And then I was drinking up in a country pub and I put Burn For You in on the jukebox. I messaged him, you know, like midnight. I said, hey, Phil, just put on, I'm up at the par, but I've put on Burn For You.

And he replied real quick. He goes, but that was a dance floor clearer. Beautiful song, though. Phil. What a guy. That's good stuff. Phil Buckle. What a beautiful.

What a great name. Dora Buckle. Dora Buckle. But Dora Buckle kicked off a plane. What a great name. Dora Buckle. Dora Buckle. But Dora Buckle kicked off a plane. What for? Playing Burn For You. Too loud. On her phone.

Yeah. And people couldn't concentrate on their movies because they were like, oh, what a beautiful love song. Yeah. All that I want to do, burn, burn for you. Burn, burn for you. Oh, burn for you Oh, burn for you What am I going to do, burn?

You're really singing with your head My tone isn't changing But my hand is doing what Farnsey's voice would have done So it's a lot of theatre around there Love you, Farnsey That's such a good name Yeah, Dora Buckle And you did the right thing in playing Burn For You repeatedly on that flight.

Next for me, I would love to thank, from Preston here in Victoria, Edward Gunning. Oh, that's good too. That's a great name, Gunning. That's fun. Oh, again, it's just been banger after banger these days. Yeah. Dave, what did Edward do?

Edward kicked off the plane for turning the aisle into a giant slip and slide. Oh, so fun. I mean, people applauded as he was taken off. They were like, you're a legend. Yeah, they were protesting him being removed. They were like, we were all up for this. What's my crime? Bringing fun to the flight?

It's a hot day in the sky and it's a long flight. We're all a little bored. It's always hot in the sky close to the sun. You've got to get up and stretch your legs so you don't have deep vein thrombosis. And he thought, what? But you also feel like a bit of a loser just walking up and down a lot.

But if you're slipping and sliding. Now you're feeling like a real winner. Even the captain was embarrassed to kick him off. I was like, ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain. It's just like one killjoy. I just want you to know that it wasn't my choice to kick Edward off. Obviously, it's those absolute wet tails at corporate

that made me kick him off. But I salute him and will be exiting the plane via the slide myself. Thank you very much. I'm getting my boardies on as we speak. Dave, have you considered a career change? I've thought about it. Because sometimes it's like, at least that part would come so easily to you.

You know what I mean? You've got a head start. How hard can it be to learn to fly? I mean, the rest of it, basically, the planes fly themselves these days. These days. But the planes don't make their own announcements themselves. No, they don't.

Can't be far away. Yeah. But will they still have that charm? Hopefully. I hope so. Thank you, Edward. Finally, for me, I'd love to think from Greenville, South Carolina. I think.

Oh, no, you haven't said anything. You said their name. I would love to think. Is their name Greenville, South Carolina? No, I would love to thank Ryan Zika. Oh, Ryan Zika. I think they were kicked off the plane for ordering a succulent Chinese meal. What's the crime?

They were confused. What's the charge? Ordering a succulent Chinese meal? Oh, my penis. Ah, yes. Congratulations to Ryan Zika. Ah, yes. Congratulations to Ryan. Ah, yes. Democracy manifest.

We went through such a phase of saying that so much. We loved it. It was when we were overseas one time when we just kept saying it. Ah, yes. Ta-ta and farewell. It was any time any of us suggested anything. You guys ready for breakfast?

Ah, yes. That was the best bit. Underrated part of us suggested anything. You guys ready for breakfast? Ah, yes. That was the best bit. Underrated part of that whole thing. Ah, yes. See, you know your judo well. This is the man that got me on the penis. Apparently, as soon as the cameras had gone, he just said he'd stop fighting.

Like, once he was in the car, the cop said he really backed right off. Sorry about that, but obviously you've got to perform for the camera. You simply must. Sorry about that. Understandable. I am guilty. Dave, do you want to thank a few?

From one Ryan to another. This one's from Columbus, Ohio, and it's Ryan McCarthy. God's country, Ohio. Ohio. Oh, God's country, Ohio. Ohio. Ryan was kicked off for bringing a live Bengal tiger onto the flight. Yeah, he did book a seat for it, and it sat quite politely, I've got to say.

It was a well-trained tiger. That's good. But people were still like, that is actually bigger than you're allowed to have. Yeah. Would that fit in the overhead compartment? It wouldn't. It wouldn't be comfy anyway. Would that fit in the overhead compartment? It wouldn't. It wouldn't be comfy anyway. It'd be inhumane to put it up there.

And when they approached him, he said, what? What's the problem? What? What? What do you mean? What? I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about.

And I'm with him. That tiger was beautifully behaved. Thanks, Ryan. Good luck with the tiger, mate. I'd like to thank now from Horsham here in Victoria, Nicole DeMorton. Great name. Anything with a D. What about Nicole was kicked off for performing an entire version of Guys and Dolls solo.

Playing both the guys and the dolls. Every character. That's a complex role. They waited until the end of the standing ovation before she was removed. They gave her the respect. Yeah. Pretty hypocritical if you ask me. I'm not sure.

Because I mean, you know, the flight crew are happy to perform musicals all the time if that's what that is. That is a musical, Dave. When there are... Cars and Dolls? Yeah, sorry. I thought you were saying,

is that what they do when they're showing us how to put on the Life Fest? Is that a musical? Yeah, that's what I thought you meant too. I think of it as that, yeah. It's art. That's what I think. Yeah.

And a one, and a two, and a... Thanks, Nicole. And finally, I'd like to thank from Keensburg in... New Jersey! In New Jersey, it is Michael Will. Michael Will be kicked off a plane for the things he said. Uh-oh.

Incredibly inappropriate things he said while having a nightmare. He was screaming in his sleep. You can't pin that on him. Yeah, but, I mean, people were offended. Oh, yeah, interesting. You know what I mean? sleep you can't pin that on him yeah but i mean people were offended oh yeah interesting you know what i mean like it was like we understand you're asleep but wow i can't i don't know how to explain to my kids what uh what you were saying michael i know it's not you but you know you've you've scared some children dare we repeat no oh no no mich Michael. Michael will be cancelled if he keeps falling asleep on planes.

You got to stay awake on planes, mate. I know a lot of people try and take things to help them go to sleep on a plane, especially long flights. I'm going to need you to do the opposite. Please stay awake. You're going to need to stay awake for the full 24-hour flight to London. Thank you very much. All right.

Well, that brings us to the last thing we like to do, welcome some people into the Triptych Club. The way this one works is people who have been supporting us on the Triptych, on the shout-out level or above for three straight years, get welcomed into this club. Bit of theatre of the mind. I'm standing on the door. I've got the clipboard.

I've got the list of names, the guest list. I'm going to lift the velvet rope. I'm going to read your name out, tick you off. In you go. Inside the venue, inside the club, Dave's on the stage. He's your hype man. He's going to say he's going to really hype you up as you come in. The whole crowd of Triptych Club members is going to applaud and cheer.

Oh, we're going to go wild. Jess will hype Dave up because he's not very good at it and she just feels he needs a little extra encouragement. Honestly, fucking sick of him. That's not at all. There was no negativity in the main episode without you. Yeah, got to say that. I got a lot of praise from Heggie and Cody Hewitt who are not cynical in any way, especially

Heggie. And Dave, you normally book a band? Yes, I've actually booked Phil Buckle to perform solo. You got Phil. Oh, Matt, you'll get to see your friend again. Yeah, so good. He's great. And I have obviously confirmed with him that the venue is air-conditioned,

as his requirements. You remember those, I'm sure. So, yeah, Phil Buckle will be performing both solo and John Farnham hits. Wow. That's great. And I think he was also in the Southern Suns. be performing both solo and John Farnham hits. Wow. That's great. And I think he was also in the Southern Suns. Will he be playing any of their work? Yes.

Oh my God. A couple of those tracks. That's fantastic. And Jess, you normally have a cocktail. What's your on-flight brawl cocktail? My, yeah, what gets people really violent on a plane? It's got bourbon in it. It's Long Island iced teas and espresso martinis,

two things that are guaranteed to fuck you up. Mixed together? Yeah, it's quite bad. Just put it in a jug. Actually, Bob, even though there are multiple alcohols in a Long Island iced tea, it's still the same amount as a normal cocktail because they just put less of each in.

You are no fun. They're not going to hear. There'll be full shots of everything. These ones will kill you. And I'm your first mate, okay? But I don't want one. Well, I don't care. I don't want this negative attitude.

And when we say one, we mean one bottle of each goes into this liquid. You are fucked. Oh, no. All right, well, we've got four inductees this week. one we mean one bottle of each yeah into this liquid you are fucked oh no all right well we got four inductees this week before i drink my final drink uh firstly from dubbo in new south wales australia it's katherine barn oh barnstorming into the venue barnstorming is a plane thing so that's pretty good from fedrick in maryland in Frederick in Maryland in the United States, it's Victoria Brun. Oh, I'll get Phil to play Brun for you.

I brun for you. That's what it sounds like. That works better written down because it looks like Brun. But anyway. From Paisley in Scotland, it's Craig Mowat. Oh, Paisley or from Praisley. Yes. And finally from Stanwood in Washington in the United States, it's Bailey.

Bailey. We'll never fail you to make this party crazy. Got you back, brother. Thank you so much, sister. Welcome into the club, Bailey, Craig, Victoria and Catherine with a Z. I'm going to start doing that. Jess went for the finger out first, then changed to a fist pump. So then I just had the index finger and I poked her fist.

I'm going to start doing that from now on. Good to see you. Like you're pushing the button for a lift. Ding. Thank you. Well, that brings us to the end of the episode. Jess, is there anything we need to tell people before we go? That we love them and we support them

and that if you want to support us, you can do so at patreon.com or dogoonpod.com. And dogoonpod.com is also where you can suggest a topic. There's also a link in the show notes and anybody can do that. So if you've got a topic that you think would make for a great Do Go On report, send it to us. Hey, how about we also tell them

that we've got a couple of live shows left at the Comedy Festival and around. Matt is doing his show, Hong Kong Hubba Hubba Ring-a-Ding-Ding with LSA Trumbulley Virtual. We have got two more live podcasts, Sunday, April 17, and Sunday, April 24 at the European Beer Cafe. And one big quiz show left on Monday, April 18. This Monday, if you want to come on down, 9 o'clock, we've got some big, big guests booked in for the final show. Yeah. show left on Monday April 18 this Monday

if you want to come on down 9 o'clock we've got some big big guests booked in for the final show yeah very exciting and I also

I'm coming up to do some stand up in Sydney Canberra Brisbane and the Gold Coast maybe in the next month or two

hell yeah and I think there'll be details for all of that on mattstuartcomedy.com. Hell yeah. Thank you so much for listening. We'll be back next week with another episode. Hit us up at dogo1pod.com.

But until then, I'll say thank you so much and goodbye. Later. Bye. Bye. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge Indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from Indigenous voices.

We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future.