Two In The Think Tank - 342 - Grace O'Malley ; The Pirate Queen of Ireland

Episode Date: May 11, 2022

Grace O'Malley (real name Gráinne Ní Mháille) was a badass Pirate Queen and an Irish folklore legend, and is one of the most influential people of the 16th Century in Ireland and England. Strap in for a wild ride!Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: dogoonpod.com or patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/ Check out our new merch: https://do-go-on-podcast.creator-spring.com/ Check out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​ Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodEmail us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.historyireland.com/early-modern-history-1500-1700/grainne-mhaol-pirate-queen-of-connacht-behind-the-legend/https://www.worldhistory.org/Grace_O'Malley/https://www.mayo-ireland.ie/en/about-mayo/history/grace-omalley-the-pirate-queen.htmlhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Y4oNGHv7BAhttps://irishfolklore.wordpress.com/2021/01/08/grainne-mhaol-irelands-pirate-queen/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grace_O%27Malleyhttps://www.rmg.co.uk/stories/grace-o-malley-pirate-history-fact-fiction-legend Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Just jumping in really quickly at the start of today's episode to tell you about some upcoming opportunities to see us live in the flesh. And you can see us live at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2024. We are doing three live podcasts on Sundays at 3.30 at Basement Comedy Club, April 7, 14 and 21. You can get tickets at dogo1pod.com. Matt, you're also doing some shows around the country. That's right. I'm doing shows with Saren Jayamana, who's been on the show before. We're going to be in Perth in January, Adelaide in February, Melbourne through the festival in April, and then Brisbane after that. I'm also doing Who Knew It's in Perth and Adelaide. Details for all that stuff at mattstuartcomedy.com.

We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On.

My name is Dave Warnke and as always I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. Hello Dave, hello Matt. It is me, your best friend Jess. I'm ready to do a podcast with you. I loved it. Beautiful. That was beautiful. That was fantastic. Why won't you look at me? You've heard me say that I don't like many musicals, but I know what I like. And I loved that.

Yeah, that was fantastic. You've won me over. Holy moly. Are you going to do the whole episode in song? Fuck no. Absolutely not. Can you imagine? Oh, insufferable.

Really? Especially with, like, I mean I have no musical training. Self-taught. Self-taught. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, I just felt like putting in a little brag there. I'm naturally talented, yes. Jess, can I ask you to sing an explanation

of what this show is? Yeah, sure. But now I only have the one melody in my head. That's more than i've got oh give me a song give me a melody and i'll sing it okay welcome to do go on we are a podcast where we each research a different topic each week we take it in turns and we research a thing And we tell the others about it

We start with a question And I'm going to do that right now. That was great. Was it? Yeah. There was a real chance for a rhyme of as well at one point, which is where I thought you were going. Rhyming as well with as well?

Yeah. And I didn't. Fuck. I blacked out. I have no idea. Wow, how did you miss that? It was a real opportunity. When you put as well in a song, you've got to use it again.

You've got to use it again. Yes, we do. These topics are often suggested by a listener and voted on by people who support us at patreon.com or dogoonpod.com. My question for you is, Grace O'Malley is best known as the Irish Queen of what? Pirate Queen. Yes. What? Good job.

I've put her up for the vote a few times as well. Really? And they haven't gone for her? She's, like, come second a bunch of times. Interesting. Yeah, apparently I never looked into her too much, but, like, a real folk hero in Ireland, I believe. Absolutely, yes.

And a few people have suggested it. And Ola McGrath suggested it and was like, I've seen this in the vote um so i i you know you're probably going to do it at some point um but it's been suggested by all uh patrick ryan uh padrig nicola jillian and evan ralph so quite a few people suggested this topic and yes you're absolutely right uh a real sort of folklore legend in Ireland. Really? Hearing those names back, that didn't sound like they were

originally anywhere. Patrick Padrig. Orla. Orla McGrath. Love it. Now, I didn't copy it down. Orla made a very good point and a bit of a plea, Orla, which I hear you, because Grace O'Malley is the anglicised name

and not an actual close translation. Gronja, it doesn't mean Grace. So, her actual name is Gronja. And so, Ola was sort of like, to mention that there's like an American TV presenter or something that was like making a show about Grace O'Malley and was like, you know, we'll just call her Grace because it's easier. And Orla was understandably like, that's kind of frustrating, especially if you know the history between Ireland and England. It's a bit frustrating. You can just say their name properly.

Yeah, that's true. But if you know the issue of D go on, pronouncing words is difficult. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll often love an easy way out. But no, I think that's a good point. Yeah. Gronja, what's the full name? Gronja Niwalia.

Niwalia. Yeah, I've read that a bunch. Most people who suggested it have both versions of it. That's right. And I think like, and yeah, I will definitely be saying things not quite right. And I'm going to really do my best. I've put in, you know, phonetic translations wherever I can so I get it as close as possible. But I do find it frustrating when you're trying to look up, you know,

how to say an Irish name or something. And the only videos that come up are like talk show hosts interviewing Saoirse Ronan and getting her to read like Irish names and the audience is just like, it's so crazy. How is that Niamh? And you're like, because it's a different language. It's not that interesting or funny. You're just laughing at another language.

It's very confusing. So I am going to be referring to her the whole way through as Gronja. If you want to look up more information about her, you probably do need to Google Grace O'Malley. Even the Wikipedia page is Grace O'Malley. It's like graceomalley.com. Oh, sorry. I found this great website, which I'll

mention a couple of times in here. It's like, I think it's mostly about like Irish folklore. Right. Do you know the pronunciation of that? Because Saoirse Ronan said it on Jimmy Kimmel or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wasn't sure otherwise, but it's Wikipedia. Okay. Yeah. I would not have thought that. Yeah, I know. So, if you want to look it up, it's wikipedia.org. It's got a whole bunch of information there about Irish folklore.

Very cool. Very cool stuff. But yeah, so this is, to start, a little quote from one of the many, many fantastic resources I found about this Irish legend. Few historical characters have made such an imprint on Irish folklore and legend as Gráinne Niwalia, anglicised as Grace O'Malley. Luckily, outside of the oral tradition, we have a number of historical accounts, almost all from English sources, detailing the life and exploits of this extraordinary woman. So she was born in Ireland around 1530, so quite some time ago.

Is she still alive? We'll find out. No spoilers. This is when Henry VIII was King of England and held the title of Lord of Ireland as well. And a bit of historical context from historyisland.com. I trust this. Yeah.

Any attempt to glimpse the woman behind the legend must consider the period in which she lived, the forces arraigned against her, and the society which gave rise to her. Ireland in the early decades of the 16th century consisted of two distinct cultures. Dublin, its bordering counties, and the coastal cities were technically English and regarded their hinterland with fear. It was a frontier society. The rest of the country was composed of the gaily-sized Old English

and native Irish. Living within autonomous territories, they enjoyed traditional pastimes such as stealing cattle, poaching castles, feuding, intermarrying and vying for domination. That's a list of pastimes. Just some traditional pastimes, basket weaving, intermarrying, you know, the fun stuff. Stealing cows.

Stealing cows. A system of clientship existed. Weaker families aligned themselves to powerful ones, and bonds were cemented by means of tribute, military aid, marriage, and fosterage. Strict laws governed all formal aspects of these relationships. A complex interdependency bound the families together in a hierarchical society, in which status and pride were of paramount importance.

So, look, there's sections of this story where researching it, I'm like, okay, to explain what's happening here, I need to look into, and you know how like you and you do medieval history in high school and you understand you learn what Barons do and it's it's so completely different to have we how things work now sections of this I'm like not really sure what's going on it's quite confusing it was honestly a very long time ago okay and a different country to where I live. Where's that?

Ireland. You live in Ireland? No, no, no. I live in Australia. Oh, where's that? Just here. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And because of the time difference, it's not 1530 where you live. It's not 1530 where I live. Is that a daylight savings thing? It's a daylight savings thing, mostly just a time zone. Yeah. Time zone.

Right. Oh, yeah. The time zone. Time zone? Right. The arcade. Yeah. So, okay. So, Gronja was the only child of Maeve and Owen Dovdara. Walia is their surname, which is spelt O-M-A-I-L-L-E. That's Walia. And the family was based in

Clue Bay, County Mayo Not much is known about her early life But it's believed she most likely lived at her family's Residence of Belle Claire on Claire Island Which is like a little island guarding the Entrance to Clue Bay So they had a castle on an island in a bay That's my dream life

Very cool, yeah Castle in a bay Castles, when I think of castles I think dank island in a bay. That's my dream life. Very cool, yeah. Castle in a bay. Yeah. Castles, when I think of castles, I think dank. Oh, yeah, okay. Okay, castle, hear me out, with underfloor heating. Now what do you reckon?

Think that's dank? Do you reckon the Queen of England has that? Yeah. Do you reckon she's got underfloor heating? What do you reckon? Well, you reckon the Queen's walking into her bedroom going, oh, a bit chilly and has to go turn on like a fucking furnace? I picture her wearing slippers. I reckon Buckingham Palace is like an incredibly expensive bill

to heat the whole thing, but it is cosy everywhere. Really? It must be. Not in the kitchens or like anywhere that the staff would be. Yeah, but anywhere where she might be. And that's our money. Is that right? I think that's how taxes work.

They go straight to the Queen. Our taxes go all the way up to the Queen. I think so. Hey, you know, you pay the Queen tax. What else are we paying taxes for? Roads and hospitals. Get your head out of your ass, Matt. It's for the Queen.

She's on all our cash. That's right. Yeah, and you, Monica, are pretty happy about that. Love it. Love Lizzie. Love seeing her face, Monarchus, are pretty happy about that. Love it. Love Lizzie. Love seeing her face every day, reminding me of who's in charge. Off with her head from our cash is something I say. Okay, but not her physical head.

You wish no harm against her. Hey, look. Matt. Why not both? Lop it off. Oh, my God. I reckon they should get a second head of hers on there. Yeah, get another head.

Two heads. Well, the way their family breathes, it was always a danger. So, yeah, they reckon she most likely grew up on that family's castle, but there's also a chance that she was fostered to another family, which is apparently very common for Irish nobility at the time. They'd send their kids off to live with somebody else. And I think, based on that sort of quote from before of

how their society kind of worked, I think that was maybe a way of forming allyships with people. Sort of like, well, you can't attack the family. You grew up with that kid. That's nice. Oh, come on. He's like a sibling to you.

You couldn't. Yeah, don't dog Daryl. Yeah, you love Daryl. You love him. Under no circumstance can you dog Daryl. Don't dog him. Don't you low dog Daryl. I like that system of using marriage as a way to form an alliance.

Yeah. I think it's the perfect system, I think, that if you just get everyone to marry everyone, so there's one big marriage, no one would want to kill anyone. You might have like a bit of a tiff here and there. But that, okay, Dave, based on what you're suggesting, three of us sitting here are all married to each other. Exactly.

And we'd never, I wouldn't kill Matt anymore. I wouldn't want to kill him. But wouldn't you be jealous if I was like spending more time with Matt than with you? Or you've got so many other wives, you don't care. Yeah, but we go into counselling together. Well, three of us. Yeah, well, everyone. Everyone goes into, Dave, you've not thought this through at all.

You thought through your shit. I reckon maybe you just stick to your marriage. Just to one person. Oh yeah, you're in a marriage. Exactly. And that was to form an alliance. And I'm trying to get more people into the alliance. I do not want to be in that alliance, please.

So far, it's just two of us. Yeah. And the dog. Exactly. That's how you get them. Because then he forms alliances with the neighbours. They get along. Okay.

Speaking of Polly, back to the pirate. Like the bird on the... That's not bad. It was a bit of a stretch, but sometimes that's clever. Not in this case, but sometimes. So her family were accomplished seafarers, with her father known to have travelled often between Ireland, Scotland and Spain.

They controlled most of what is now the barony of Morisc in southwest County Mayo, meaning they controlled the land and the sea in their territory. Yeah, you gotta. If you're buying a beachfront property, you gotta know a little bit of that ocean's yours. Exactly. Mine. Also, you now own a little bit of erosion. Good luck. That just own a little bit of erosion. Good luck.

That just means a little more sea. A bit more sea for me. Keep it coming. The interest rate on my sea levels is, oh my God, give it 10 years, I've got more sea. This meant that each year, 50 English ships would have to pay a great tribute to the clan in order to fish there. And the fertile waters were filled with herring, cod, ling, salmon and shellfish. And that provided an important source of income for the family. So they'd just charge people for being in their water.

Honestly, I think if you were like, you know, if your business was like trading by ship, you'd have to be really thinking about where you're going because every time you're in somebody's water, they're like, pay up. You're in my water. Yeah. It's like going around a Monopoly board. Yeah.

200 bucks again. We're on Kent Street again. Bloody hell. This is killing me. And I guess if you say no, what do they do? Sink your ship. Yeah, they just pillage it. Right.

No, they say, oh, can't. Come on. No fair. I own this water. This is my water. I said so. So. It's mine. My dad owns it. It might not be perfect. It's the only system we've got. I can't see it changing ever. So

get used to it. So the family also made fishing nets and built fishing boats so very much you know uh they lived by the sea and they supplemented their bank accounts with a little bit of piracy there's a fairly famous story about a time when gronya was a child and wanted to join her father on a on a trading expedition to sp, but she wasn't allowed to go because as we all know, women are bad luck on boats. Oh, still to this day. Can't get,

can't go on a cruise ship. Still a thing. Yeah. You can't get on a boat. Not allowed. Bad luck. Bad luck. Come on.

That's right. Cause there was a woman on the Titanic, wasn't there? Yeah. Rose. That fatal mistake. Yeah. Rose.

They thought, they thought maybe that's just a bit of like, you know, like a superstition. Yeah. How could a woman be bad luck on a band? Well, now we know. Yeah. Now we know.

Where's the Titanic now? Yeah. Bottom of the ocean. That's where that is. Okay. So does that answer your question? It is still in the bottom of the ocean. We haven't picked it up.

Has nobody gone and picked it up? I'm pretty sure you did a report about it. You would know. Yeah. I remember James Cameron went down there. That was six years ago. I don't remember last week's episode, truly. You truly don't.

I don't. Why do they put on boats, there's often like a carving of a woman on the front. Yeah. That feels like they're playing with fire. I think that's the only woman allowed. Putting a permanent woman on the boat? Maybe it's because they usually don't have a

top on maybe maybe covering a woman's body is bad luck and women are like i don't really want to be nude on a boat with a bunch of dudes yeah would you prefer to die honestly everyone's safety take it off we hey we're as upset as you oh yeah I don't want to I'm trying to eat my breakfast You're there naked Yuck It's cold We're worrying about you We want to have a cardigan on

I just want to put a shawl on you But I can't for the safety of everyone I went on a day cruise over Christmas And the captain, let's call him Skipper The skipper was worried that my mother-in-law had brought a banana on board. He was worried that she'd brought a banana. Apparently he was saying that's bad luck.

He said he was tapping a sign saying, look, it said no bananas. What? I don't know if that's a personal thing for him or if that's also like a ship thing. I've never seen that in my life and that is incredible. Why banana specifically? I'm guessing he does not use banana broat sunscreen. Yeah. He must think that's really spitting in the face of bad luck.

That's really poor taste. So what did she do? Eat it to get rid of it? She just went, oh, don't worry about it. Back of the handbag. Because she was offering it to another lady we were on the ship with who was getting a bit seasick. She said, oh, would you like a little banana?

And he goes, banana? Didn't you see the sign? Tapping it. Yes, eating the banana wouldn't have helped. It still would have been on the boat. True. It doesn't disappear when it goes in. Eat the banana and then immediately shit off the side of the boat.

I need to know it's gone. The only way we'll survive. Can I just throw it into the water? No. It'll come back. It's boomerang shaped. That's truly baffling. I suppose if you are somebody listening who is, you know,

you've grown up around boats, you work on boats, please let us know if that's a thing. Is that a thing? That's so strange. are somebody listening who is you know you've grown up around boats you work on boats please let us know if that's a thing is that a thing that's so strange no bananas on boats have you had a sign but like and it's not even like when you're crossing state borders and you have fruit on you and you you know you shouldn't because of fruit flies i was assuming it was a fruit fly issue but how's that an issue at sea i mean it, it was like a 30-minute cruise out to... And it's not like no food or vegetables, no fruit. It's just no bananas. Yeah.

That's so strange. You know what? This guy sounded a little bananas. And you didn't think at the time, I need to ask a lot more questions about this. Oh, no. There was a mutiny on board. This was a madman.

We locked him down below and then I was the captain. And I said, bananas for all. And the boat sank. Yeah, he was down there. You don't know what you're doing. You're going to kill us all. And Dave did. Dave did kill them all.

Anyway. Should have married him. Should have married him. Exactly. Formed an alliance. So, yeah, she wanted to go on this expedition to spain with her dad she wasn't allowed to go so she snuck on board and by the time they realized she was on the boat it was too late to turn back and they stuck with her but another version of the story though says she's not allowed

to go because her long hair would catch in the ship's ropes so she cut off most of her hair and i think like it says to embarrass her father into taking her, but I think it's also sort of like, well, what's your excuse now? Yeah, that's great. So she's like cut all her hair off. It's really short. She's essentially bald. And that's where she earned her nickname,

as a lot of people would know her as Gronya Whale. And the whale sort of comes from the word that means bald in Irish. Classic stuff. Yeah. Take Granya's name out of your mouth. Granya whale. So, yeah, okay. That's funny when you know how just through history you never know what the hair fashion is.

Yeah. Because men's hair, unlike olden days, men's hair would be long as well, but obviously just not at that period. Yeah. It comes and goes. Yeah, you're right. It's a bit odd. And because this happened in the 1500s and she was sort of like,

she was a bit written out of Irish history for a period there. It's bad luck to write women into history. It's bad luck to write women into history. No, don't. Don't acknowledge they were here. It's bad luck to write with resistors. No, don't. Don't acknowledge they were here.

So there's definitely gaps in like, you know, there's no hard evidence for some things. No, there's definitely that she existed. But it's like there's people have sort of had to, I guess, fill in some gaps a little bit. So there's a lot of the time there's different versions of stories and you're like, it's one of them or a bit of both. So evidence suggests that she was formally educated. They were like a noble family.

They lived in a castle. Yeah, so she would have been well educated as women were back then and then we went through a period of time where they weren't. It's funny, in my head like like, we're just, you know, as time goes on, everyone gets more rights and equality becomes more achieved. But unfortunately, it's not like that. Yeah, it's really interesting.

There's some points I make later around, like, land ownership and stuff for women and it felt progressive reading about it. You're like this is the 16th century um so yeah she was formally educated but her real education happened on the sea so she spent a lot of time she did she had like a tutor yeah on a boat no she spent a lot of time as a child with their father on his trading and fishing voyages helping hone her skills on the sea which taught her how to travel by star or by compass,

how to predict weather patterns, and how to navigate the treacherous waters. And this intimate knowledge of the hard-to-navigate and largely uncharted inlets of her own territory certainly made her a force to be reckoned with. In 1546, she married Donal O'Flaherty, the heir of the O'Flaherty clan. And politically, this would have been seen as a good match.

They were, I think, a similarly powerful family with control of another large section of land. So, yeah, it was definitely like a... An alliance. Great. And then if they married their other neighbours, who married their other neighbours, who married their other neighbours? Who married Dave.

You see, suddenly, world domination. This is starting to make sense. And I hate it when he makes sense. But I like it because everyone's married. In one way, you dominate. But also, it's just like, everyone just lives again. You know? It feels like such a stressful time when people are fighting for territory and stuff.

Totally, yeah. It's like, I just... How about you just have yours? Does everyone have a little bit? Everyone have a little bit. If everyone could just have a little bit. If you've got none, let's chat it out. Let's see what we can do. But if you've got heaps, do you need heaps more? Come on. Glad this

conversation's no longer relevant and everything is nice and evenly distributed. It's nice to look back and laugh. Yeah, those fools. What were they thinking? What were they thinking? This is from historyis distributed. It's nice to look back and laugh. Yeah, those fools. What were they thinking? What were they thinking? This is from historyisland.com again. As the daughter of a chieftain,

Gronja would have brought a substantial dowry to the marriage. Under Gaelic law, the dowry, although available for use by the husband, had to be returned intact to the wife on dissolution of the marriage. Women retained control of any personal property they brought to the wife on disillusion of the marriage women retained control of any personal property they brought to the marriage and were entitled to acquire additional property independently of their husbands such property could include troops ships and a plethora of other goods so like uh in later and even in like english rule i think at the time, if you got married, everything that you owned was now your husband's. And if the marriage broke down or if he died, you don't even get your stuff back or you

don't even get the full estate when your husband dies. You get like a third of it. You get like, there's like a little bit to keep the widow okay, but you don't own anything. So, but in this society and in Ireland at the time, she could have her own stuff and he'd have his own stuff and she could keep buying things and she could keep building her own wealth which is very interesting this is a 1500 that's crazy and if they split up she gets to keep whatever she brought yeah and whatever was already hers yeah she keeps yeah. So, she's kind of set up regardless. And although she was the only child of Dovdara and Maeve, she also had a paternal half-brother, also called Donald, like her husband.

Oh, it would have been awkward in the boudoir. Oh, half-brother. I mean, husband. Oh. It's so confusing. It's so confusing. And although typically during this period, sons would inherit,

Gronja was considered to be the legal retainer of the family land and seafaring activities. So she's essentially the head of her own family and apparently also assumed the mantle of chieftainship of the Ophlarides. Most tellings of her story say that due to the ineptness of her husband, who was reportedly a hot-tempered and impestuous man.

That's a hot combo. Yeah, that's a good one. He was quick to take offense and seek retribution. How dare you? He was, for example, engaged in constant feuding with the Joyces. Just another clan. Oh, the fucking Joyces. He's like, those fucking Joyces.

I hate those bricks. Yeah. Their dog always shitting on my lawn. And I say, stop your dog from shitting on my lawn. And they say, mate, it's not our dog. It's not our dog. It must be somebody else's dog. That's a good boy.

They look me in the eye while their dog looks me in the eye and shits on my lawn. Nah, never seen that dog before in my life. I've never met that dog. What dog life. I've never met that dog. What dog? What dog? Come on, boy. You're wearing a T-shirt with a dog on it.

The dog's wearing a collar with your address on it. I don't even know what a dog is. What are you talking about? What is a dog? That's a ferret. Donald, you're crazy. You've gone nuts, man. No wonder your wife has to run everything. You're crazy. You've gone nuts, man. No wonder your wife has to run everything.

You're crazy. Those fucking joists. He's like, those fucking joists. Slamming doors. I can't win with these joists. Every time they outsmart me. Dogs are real, aren't they? I'm sure dogs are real.

That wasn't a ferret. I've seen them. They're small. To the library. He just goes to a public library. I need your dog books. And a ferret book, and I need to contrast and compare. But the librarians are joyous.

What's a dog? What's a dog? What's a book? You've gone crazy. They're just gaslighting him. That's where gaslighting started. Yeah, yeah. Joyous with big gaslighting him. That's where gaslighting started. Yeah, yeah. That's where it is.

Joyce is a big gaslighter. So together, Gronja and her husband had three children. Owen, named after her father. Maeve, named after her mother. And Moora. I've probably said that wrong and I'm sorry. Moora, who I'll talk a bit more about the kids later on as well. But they had three kids.

When she was about 30, Gronja was widowed. Donald was killed in an ambush while... Not those freaking joists. Oh, don't tell me it was the joists. Well, it was an ambush while hunting in the hills surrounding Loch Corub. This was undoubtedly part of Donald's wider struggle with the joists for his control of Hen's Castle on the

loch. So he's killed in an ambush. Those fucking joists! I don't know if it was them that killed him or just the fact that he was he was so obsessed with getting something anyway yeah i'm picturing the joyces like remember uh in uh billy madison the o'doyles. Yeah. O'Doyle rules! Joyce's rule! Yeah, that's a big Joyce vibe. Yeah, yeah. O'Doyle rules! So, Gronja was unable to inherit O'Flaherty's land, so she returned to and settled on Clare

Island, her family's land. This is often portrayed as her being forced out, despite her leadership abilities, owing to misogynistic laws. But under the same laws laws a woman was entitled to complete control of her own property in contrast under english common law any property belonging to a woman automatically became the property of her husband on marriage and the wife was granted a life interest in a percentage usually a third of all property following his death so that's what i was saying before so at least she had her family's land to go back to i think this is why england

was so keen to take over ireland because they just weren't doing it right yeah they kept like letting people own stuff rather than letting the queen own everything we're just not really comfortable with this so we're gonna invade this is a little bit icky i don't like it you're just like i don't know you're just like living your lives and like building your wealth and that's like cool, I guess, but also, oh, I'm uncomfy. Yeah, we're going to put a stop to that. We're going to put a stop to that.

I think really what should happen here is the Queen should own all this and kindly rent it to you. I think that's the only fair thing to do. It just seems the most fair, so. She needs underfloor heating. She's cold. In like a thousand rooms. She's only in one at a time.

For fuel, we'll use some of you. Just the poor ones though. Just the poor ones. Which is going to be all of you after what we do. Honestly, what an honour for you. You're so lucky you're hating the Queen's feet. The Queen's tootsies are warm,

thanks to your bones. So she went back to the place she'd grown up and continued the family business of piracy. Gay. Feels like it's a second career, second stage in life. Yeah, except if you're 30. You know, you're so close to death.

You may as well take up some piracy. You're now alone. This is the 1500s. Hothead's gone. This is another quote. I like how it describes it. It says, An unsophisticated and opportunistic form of piracy was endemic in Ireland,

comprising of short-distance raids along the coast or to the islands, levying tolls on passing shipping and plundering any vessel foolish enough to be unprotected. So they're just like, you're in my water, give me some money. You don't have any protection, I'm going to take all your stuff. So a bit of fun. It's hard to know exactly how much piracy she got up to in this time, but one story I read was pretty damn funny.

There's a tale that pertains to a refusal of hospitality by the Earl of Howth. She arrived at Howth Castle one evening and was refused hospitality, which was a very serious slight in Irish culture. As she was leaving, she encountered the heir and subsequently kidnapped him. She was said to have been offered a significant amount of gold and silver that she turned down.

Her terms were, leave a side door to the castle open and always have an extra place at the table because she was like hey i'm just you know passing by and they're not the proper thing to do would be to you know feed them um and they were like no and she was like okay i'll kidnap your kid and okay we will we'll pay for the trial please she. She's like, no. Just always have a table. I just want my own key. And apparently the door is said to still be open to this day. It's like they've left it open. I don't know how true that is now.

It's a security risk. Yeah, big old risk. Love that. But I like that, that she's like, okay. I love that, that she was willing just to kidnap a kid. Didn't hurt the kid. And then was she like, honestly though, once I give the kid back, you might lock the door. So what I'm going to do is keep the kid forever.

Yeah. That's my kid now. But let me in or he gets it. Yeah. But don't lock me in. Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's why the door's left open.

Yeah. It feels like the gamble there, right? Yeah. The door's open. There's a seat at the table. And then they kill you while you're eating. After all that, do you want to sit at the table and share a meal with them? Terrible company.

That'd be so awkward. Especially if the boy is there. Yeah, and he's still a bit shaken. He's just looking at you like, oh no, she could grab you at any second. Understandably quite nervous and upset. Because you kidnapped him. She has short hair. Yeah, that is scary. She's just like, wow wow isn't this pheasant

delightful yeah yum yum yum more potatoes please ridiculous um another thing we don't really know for sure is the size of the fleet she used estimates vary from 5 to 20 vessels at any one point most would have been small fast maneuverable oar and sail driven craft, perfect for hugging the coast but unsuitable for the open sea. And that's sort of the main type of sailing she did was sort of hugging the coast there. But when I say like five to 20 small ships, I think based on other reading, these were ships that held 100 people.

Like she'd have 100 soldiers or sailors on board each ship. It doesn't sound that small. No, it's pretty big. I'm picturing a little speedboat. Yeah, I was thinking a little tinny or something. No, no, no. She's got a fleet of ships. Going up with a baseball bat saying,

I could hit this boat pretty hard. Yeah. If I were you, I'd give me a lot of money. I was initially picturing bigger ships, but then you said they were just little ships. So then I overcorrected and went too small. Yeah. But now I've gone back to where I was at the start.

Yeah, just start there. Just stay there, I reckon. Big. Big ship. You know, pretty big. Not like a cruise liner. Okay. You know?

There's no pool deck? There's no pool deck. How many water slides did she have? She did have three water slides, though. Yeah, okay. On each ship. Amazing. And they were all different.

So as a crew member, you really wanted to, like, you know, spend a bit of time on each ship. Yeah, you never get bored. Yeah, it's very exciting stuff. She allegedly took a shipwrecked sailor as her lover somewhere around this time as well. I love that phrase. Took him as her lover. Took him. Which is exactly.

I've taken a lover. She would have literally probably taken him. Did he have any choice in the matter? Yes, I think so. Okay. She didn't kidnap his son. Do you want to stay shipwrecked or I'll take you as my lover? I've got a wife.

This rock. Yeah. Well, then shipwrecked it is. Bye. Start sailing off. No, oh, I've got a wife. Kiss rock. Yeah, well then, shipwrecked it is. Bye. Start sailing off. No, no, no. Sorry, babe. Kiss his rock goodbye.

I love you forever. Coconuts and, yeah, pretty anatomically correct, this rock. Coconut boobs. Coconut boobs, yep. Full coconuts, half coconuts? Half coconuts, yeah. Okay, okay. A modest lady.

So the affair only lasted a brief time as he was killed by the McMahons of Ballyvoy. What? Those dastardly McMahons. Those McMahons. Seeking vengeance, Gronya attacked the McMahons castle of Doona in Black Sod Bay. That's fun to say. And killed her lover's murderers on Cahir Island. But she wasn't completely satisfied with her revenge over her murdered lover.

And she sailed for Ballyvoy and attacked the garrison at Doona Castle, overpowering the defenders and taking the castle for herself. Yeah, I think that's fair. Her attack on Doona Castle, overpowering the defenders and taking the castle for herself. Yeah, I think that's fair. Her attack on Doona Castle earned her the nickname Dark Lady of Doona. Oh. Is that where Doonas come from? I would assume so. That's cool.

And we thank them for that. Bloody hell, they're snuggly. Lady of Doona. That sounds a little bit sexy. Dark Lady of Doona. Yeah, it's a bit sexy, isn't it? Doonas and duvets the same? Yeah.

It's two different words for it, really. What a beautiful language. Isn't it? It's fascinating. Where do they call them, duvets? Is that England? I think so. And Ireland, they call them doonas, maybe.

I don't know what Americans call them. Probably call them flippity flaps. Probably. No, they'd call them something like bed coverings or something. It's not a quilt, but you'll get a quilt cover which is a doona cover. Hmm.

Hmm. That's a thinker. That is a thinker. Two questions on this episode. Why can't you bring a banana on a boat? Yeah And what do people from North America call duvets slash dooners? Yeah

If only there was some way we could find out No No We must be told by our listeners It's the only way In 1566, Gronja married for the second time Her new husband was Richard Burke, another nobleman. And one of the more persistent legends states that Gráinne's marriage

to Richard was provisional for one year. And at first I was like, I'm not sure what the benefit to either of them is with this arrangement. But I think from what I've read, this was sort of a thing you could do back then. It was like trial of marriage. Right. You could sort of get married because you probably didn um date for many years and then get married it was sort of you know it

was more of like a transaction kind of arrangement so they'd get married and they'd see how it goes try before you buy exactly love that little trial marriage a bit of fun um so there's a story about him coming home to his castle a year after uh they married to find his clothes packed and the doors locked. But other stories of their later life says they presented themselves as a married couple all the way up until his death. And upon his knighthood, she took the title Lady Burke and accompanied him to official functions. Historyisland.com says,

It is possible, given the fiery personalities of both partners that richard upset gronya and found himself temporarily barred from the house so it could have just been a bit of a lover's tiff and she's like nah you're out you're out mate i've packed your clothes fuck off that's so funny i love burke as a name lady burke i don't know if this is a common thing but i remember as when I was a kid living in country Victoria, adults would call sort of no good people Burks. Oh, the Burks down the road. Yeah, that rings a bell.

Yeah. But I haven't heard that in such a long time. I don't know where that came from. Yeah, that's the thing. Oh, you're Burke. Stop being a Burke. You're a Burke. I wonder where that comes from.

Yeah, I haven't heard that in ages. The, that's the thing. Oh, you're Burke. Stop being a Burke. I'm a Burke. I wonder where that comes from. Yeah, I haven't heard that in ages. The Burkes down the road. Yeah, that'd be right. A couple of Burkes. Those Burkes. Actually, it turned out to be the Burke family. Your family just had a feud with them. Every town had a Burke family.

Oh, no, the Burkes have moved in. Oh, the lady Burkes here. I mean, it is a very common name, I suppose, too, isn't it? So, maybe your family just didn't like the Birks down the road. Impossible. How weird. That's something that was so deep in the back of my brain, I've completely forgotten it. I don't think I've heard anyone say it for decades.

No, no. How funny. So, the birth of the couple's only child, Tibbet, is also the stuff of legend. Apparently he was born on one of Gráinne's galleys, on one of her ships. The following day the ship was attacked by Algerian pirates and Gráinne is said to have risen from her bed

and headed into battle. Day after giving birth. So she has three kids. Sorry, four kids. During Gráinne's's lifetime island underwent tremendous social and political upheaval the old gaelic laws and customs present at her birth was swept away by the time of her death as the tudor reconquest of ireland took hold queen elizabeth i feared her enemies including king philip ii of spain and pope pius v V, would use Ireland as a backdoor to attack England.

This doesn't make sense. They're not attached. But I guess you get Ireland first. Yeah, you set up in Ireland. Yeah, you get like a beautiful port going. Yeah, then you're nice and close. You can just get in there. I mean, yeah, it's so sad.

Yeah, it really is. English magistrates were carrying out Queen Elizabeth I's policy of divide and conquer in Ireland. These magistrates would reward one chieftain with land and various gifts for help in suppressing another clan the English considered troublesome. So they'd bribe and manipulate. For Gráinne, the reconquest of Ireland resulted in immense personal hardship and loss. In 1577 or 78, the Earl

of Desmond took it upon himself to advance Elizabeth I's agenda and managed to capture Gráinne and imprison her in Limerick for over a year. Des, you dog. Des, you fucking dog. My family used to talk about, oh, you bloody Desmond. Fucking Desmond over here. Desmond down fucking dog. My family used to talk about, oh, you bloody Desmond. Fucking Desmond over here.

Desmond down the road. The dirty Desmond. Fucking Desmond. So she's imprisoned in Limerick for a year, then moved to Dublin where she remained a captive. She was finally released owing to good behaviour, but more likely there's two different versions here. It was either through the efforts of Sir Henry Sidney, who was the Lord Deputy of Ireland,

who had met Gráinne years before and admired her, or it might have been that she was aided by others such as Sir John Perrott, an English aristocrat who objected the harsh treatment of the Irish, which was a bit of a... He was in the minority for being an English who was objecting to that treatment of the Irish. So one of those two men helped her and she was released.

In 1584, the English naval commander, Sir Richard Bingham, was appointed governor of the area where Gráinne and her extended family were located. Bingham was one of the new breeds of puritan military men in the service of the queen um says author ann chambers ann chambers has written a big biography she's sort of like i think probably still considered the leading expert on uh grace o'malley on gronya's story so she's written a big book about it so i've got a few quotes from her throughout this now but yeah bingham he's like he's a bit of a dick to be honest his mantra was the irish were never conquered by words but by swords and he put

that into action um key to complete control lay in undermining the traditional social structure of the irish which was based on the concept of the clan and independent chieftain so bingham came in and began systematically dismantling the old structure through ruthless military campaigns, bribery and pitting one Irish lord against another. So he's just manipulating it. Going in there saying, oh did you hear what Desmond said about you last week?

That's embarrassing. I thought the Flaherty's were friends of yours but not by how they're talking about you. Oh my goodness. Let me tell you what the Berks down the road have been up to. He was especially antagonistic to Gronja, a woman, as he wrote, who had overstepped the part of womanhood. It was particularly upsetting that Bingham had it out for her because Gronja's eldest son, Owen, had been murdered

following a dispute with Captain John Bingham, the governor's brother. So her son was murdered by this guy's brother and this guy's got it out for her as well. Oh, the Binghams are all, they're shit ass. Binghams are no good. Not in this story. Punch up pricks. So determined to avenge the murder of her son,

Gronja went into rebellion. She was captured by Bingham and later testified that he caused a gallows to be built where she thought she would end her days. So he's just been a real piece of shit. Such was Gráinne's importance as a leader that on hearing of her capture, the Irish chieftains came together and gave hostages to ensure her release. So they did like a swap to get her out. We can wait for clean water solutions.

Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Bingham retaliated by confiscating Gronja's extensive cattle and horse herds,

driving her off her land and forcing her to live on her ships. Cow stealing, that's nice. Doing a bit of Irish culture. Yeah, a bit of a pastime that we can all... Drove her off her land, took her castle. that's nice. Doing a bit of Irish culture. Yeah, it's beautiful. A bit of a pastime that we can all... Drove her off her land, took her castle. That's nice. I'm doing this as a tribute to you. Yeah, I'm just trying to assimilate.

I'm new here. I'm English, you guys are Irish. I'm just trying to be like, what are you? But the tipping point for Gráinne occurred in 1593 when her youngest son, Tibbett, was captured by Bingham and was charged with treason and imprisoned in Athlone Castle. In order to save her son's life, Gráinne decided to embark on the most dangerous voyage of her career, a journey which involved sailing around the south coast of Ireland, through the Straits of Dover and up the Thames to Greenwich Palace to seek a meeting with Queen Elizabeth I. I read elsewhere that her other son and her half-brother were also captured, so a lot is at stake for Gráinne right now.

And she is pissed. Obtaining an audience with the Queen was no mean feat, and Gráinne had to utilise her shrewd political skills in order to successfully navigate the channels of the Tudor court. English state papers from the period gave an insight into the administrative process Gráinne had to go through. So she had to write a petition to the Queen, which was written on Gráinne's behalf by a scribe in July of 1593, because Gráinne didn't speak English and the Queen doesn't speak Irish, so it had to be sort of written for her.

And Elizabeth I sent Gráinne a list of questions, which were then answered in return. So there's like all this paperwork she has to fill out. What? A bit of a pre-interview? Yeah. That's fun. It was something like 15 or 18 questions or something like that. It was one of them like, what do you consider your greatest weakness?

Yeah, where do you see yourself in five years? So Gráinne then met with the Queen at Greenwich Palace wearing a fine gown, and the two of them were surrounded by guards and the members of elizabeth's royal court a few kind of badass things happened at this meeting number one gronya refused to bow before the queen because she didn't recognize her as the queen of ireland and she's like i'm not fucking bowing is that one of the questionnaires will you will you bow will you bow yes or no tick? No. Okay, I'm assuming that's a typo.

It's a language barrier thing. No one ever ticks no. Why would you say no? I'm the queen, bow. It's also rumoured that she had a dagger concealed about her person, which guards found upon searching her. It's probably why she didn't want to bow. Stab yourself.

But Gráinne was like, oh, queen, I'm not here to hurt you. This is for my own protection. That's a letter opener. Yeah. I thought I might need to open a letter. And the queen was like, all your guts. All your guts, Lizzie. I don't know.

I'm just trying to speak your language. This is what you sound like to me. Her interpreter is Jason Statham. But yeah, so she had a knife on her and she's like, oh no, this is just for my own protection. And the Queen's like, fair enough. You can have it. So the Queen's fine with it.

She's not troubled by it. The third thing, some also reported that Gráinne had sneezed and was given a lace-edged handkerchief from a noblewoman. She apparently blew her nose into it and then threw the cloth into a nearby fireplace, much to the shock of the court. And then she was like, oh, in Ireland, a used handkerchief is considered dirty and you destroy it, which seems wasteful.

Used tissues. You know what I mean? Yes. Where's the Kleenex? Come on, you guys. Anyway, so like I mentioned before, Gronja doesn't speak English. Queen Elizabeth doesn't speak Irish.

So their conversation was conducted in their shared language, Latin. Oh, yeah. No. And that's another thing where people like Gráinne must have been

pretty well educated then to speak Latin. To be conversational Latin. Yeah. Fortius quo fidelius. Yep.

Strength through loyalty. The saint's motto. That's nice. The extent of the Latin Oh no So if you said that to the queen Strength through loyalty She'd probably be like Oh

Oh I'm impressed Okay You're saying that we should be You're loyal to me Thank you Oh an ally Or she'd say

Sorry That sort of sounded Latin Yeah what Said it a bit weird though What are you saying I actually go for Essendon That's so That essendon after much talk the women came to an agreement that included that elizabeth would remove bingham from his position in ireland and gronya would stop supporting the irish lord's rebellion pledging 200 men to her of her and her fleet to elizabeth to elizabeth the first service in

keeping peace in ireland so's like, I'll back off. Stop fucking shit up. And Liz is like, thanks so much. I'll get Bingham out of there. You can have your stuff back. Oh, Bingham's going to hate this. Oh, yeah, of course. Is he like, Elizabeth I,

I think you're actually overstepping the boundaries of womanhood. Okay. Elizabeth I, have you got your period? You're acting crazy. This arrangement obviously didn't last long. Several of Gráinne's other demands, including the return of cattle and land that Bingham had stolen from her, remained unmet and Bingham took his sweet-ass time releasing the prisoners.

He was certain that Gráinne would not keep her side of the bargain and she proved him right by lending her ships to the Irish rebels at the outbreak of the Nine and she proved him right by lending her ships to the irish rebels um at the outbreak of the nine years war in 1593 although contrary to the 20th century claims there is no evidence she fought in that war herself on either side but she definitely provided them with ships and she seemed to have encouraged her sons at least tibbett to fight for el I against the Irish. So they're not really sure. They think she gave boats to one side and her son to the other side. And that sort of soured her reputation amongst later Irish historians

and I think partly that might be why she was sort of a bit written out of Irish history but a lot of English records had mention of her. Yeah. And so it sort of came out much later, all the things that she'd done. I had such deja vu going on when you were talking about that meeting with the Queen. Have you told that story in another episode for some reason? No. No.

Not this particular meeting, no. Yeah. I just remember there being an Irish... I don't know, maybe I've... I mean, it's also possible I've done this exact report before. I wouldn't know. I have no idea. Yeah, maybe I'd just heard that story before.

Yeah, maybe. I do have a book at home that's about... It's called Rebel Women. And I think there is a chapter on her. Maybe I'm starting to think. I was thinking you were going to say, I've got a book at home of people who have fucked over the queen because you hate the queen and you would love to read those stories.

I think you're about to say you had a book on Rebel Wilson. Yeah. So we all had different thoughts. Yeah, we all had different thoughts. You really just think I love a non-sequitur so much. Anyway, I've been dying to tell you about this Rebel Wilson book. This feels like a good opportunity as I'll get. It's fucking great.

I love it. So Bingham proved reluctant to comply with his monarch's wishes. Realising that his adversary had been granted leave to return to sea without having to provide hostages or good behaviour. He ordered troops to accompany her and stationed a detachment on her land, obliging her to feed them. So he's just put like a bunch of troops on her land and now they're there so she's, you know, as per custom at the time,

she has to provide for them all, which put her on the brink of poverty. So Gráinne again appealed to elizabeth her friend the queen in 1595 she sailed to london where she requested to be allowed uh to secure my life a commission was appointed to investigate her claims and bingham fearing new charges which had just been laid against him fled to england and was imprisoned. So she kind of went and, I guess, dobbed on him. Yeah, good. And again, it's one of those things where it's kind of hard to fill in a lot of these gaps because it is so long ago

and it's not like we don't have diary entries and we don't have pictures and stuff like that. So it's an interesting one. I'm not surprised Dave was a fan of dobbing. He's got big dobbing energy. Yeah. Fuck yeah. You would have been a dibber-dobber.

Dobbing. That's okay. Snitching. Snitching's all right, but then... Snitching's all right, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, that makes sense. You dob on this guy who's being a dick,

but then his plan of having charges laid against him and then going to the country. That's laying charges. That's laying charges to get imprisoned. Yeah, he's a bit dumb. What a dumb shit. If you're going to flee, go somewhere else. Yeah. Where are you thinking?

Mexico? Maldives. Oh, that'd be nice. Beautiful. Very expensive though. Yes, it is. But worth it. Those views.

I'd love to do that just once. Do you want to go? Do you want to go? Only if you marry me. Okay, maybe for our honeymoon. I'll book out 600 sweets. 600 sweets for my sweets. I've got 600 of them. I'm very tired.

So not too much is known about the final 10 years of her life. She continued to be a target by both the English and those fighting the English. It's believed that she died of natural causes in 1603, which would mean she made it into her 70s. Which is a great inning. So when she had that second career at 30, she wasn't that close to death, but she didn't know that, obviously. No, I mean, yeah, her husband had already gone.

Yeah, no guarantees. Following her death, Gráinne's accomplishments were written out of the historical records and only folklore kept her memory alive. Anne Chambers explains, Succeeding generations of Irish historians wanted to portray Gaelic womanhood in a certain way. Gaelic women had to be patriotic usually roman catholic and charitable grace o'malley as she says however uh who had challenged the social religious and political conventions and who did and who did not readily conform to

the patriotic god-fearing and dutiful picture of gaelic womanhood promoted by later generations of historians was consequently airbrushed from history so she didn't match what what felt good so they were sort of like no don't worry about her but there were however records of her in english state papers without which the detail of the details of gronya niwalia life would not have been survived so we wouldn't know this story in the past 40 years grja's life has received increasing attention from both commercial and academic sources. Anne Chambers' book has played no small part in reviving interest in the so-called pirate queen, who has since inspired songs, artwork,

plays, a short film and numerous videos about her life. And she is regarded today as one of the most significant figures of the 16th century irish history here's what ann chambers says about her findings about gronya she says i set out to find the woman behind the image of the pirate queen and what a woman she was as well as a leader of a private army by land and sea intrepid seafarer rebel pirate political tactician grace o'malley was also a daughter, wife twice over, mother of four children, divorcee, lover, a grandmother, and a matriarch.

One would have to say, some woman for one woman. That's pretty good, but she was padding there. Yeah. A daughter? Oh, that's pretty unique for a woman. Divorcee. A human. Mother. Grandmother. Person pretty unique. A divorcee. A human. Mother.

Grandmother. Person. Person. Brunette. Pisser, shitter. Yeah, she did all those. She ate food. She did it all.

It's a lot of woman for one woman. What's the final line again? Some woman for... Oh, hang on. What was it? It was some woman for one woman. Some woman for one woman? It was some woman for one woman. Some woman for one. That's some woman for one woman.

Not sure that quite works. I think a lot of women for one woman makes more sense, doesn't it? Yeah, that's a lot of women for one woman. Yeah, you know, like that's a lot of things to accomplish and it was just one person. Yeah. Even though the last seven were daughter, divorcee, mother. Lover. Liker.

Other things. Dog owner. Ferret owner. Ferret owner. Bracket ferret owner. I guess at some point she probably bought milk. Milk buyer. Yeah.

Shopper. Shopper. Shoppy. Shoppy. Shper. Shoppy. Shipper. Shipper. Skipper. So, there you go.

That is the story of Grace O'Malley, the Irish pirate queen. That's some woman for one woman. That is fantastic. I think you should call this episode Some Woman for One Woman. And I think people go, oh. Oh, I know. Is it Gronja? Is it Gronja?

Sounds like Amelia Dorder. I'll have the Some Woman for One Woman. I hope, to our Irish listeners, I hope that, you know, at least in part was, you know, a tribute you wanted. It is a tough one. You know, when that's a story that's passed down in folklore, it's something that you probably know more intimately than what is sort of available online. And for somebody who hasn't grown up there, I don't know.

I'm very interested to hear if that was a story you knew quite well or if it's just sort of a name that is, you know, quite familiar to you. And again, apologies for probably butchering a few of those Irish places and names. But you had a go. I really tried. And I'm not laughing at you like American talk show hosts. I don't think it's funny. I think it's a beautiful language. Just works in different

ways to the language I speak. Very cool. I thought it was a great report. I thought it was fantastic. So glad to hear. I really wanted to do that episode. That's why I kept putting it up for the vote. I thought it was fantastic. So glad to hear. I really wanted to do that episode. That's why I kept putting it up for the vote. Yeah, it won with like 50-something percent in the vote this time. Yeah.

Really took it out. Well, so glad to finally hear about her life. But I think that brings us to everyone's favourite section of the show. Where we thank a bunch of our supporters who make this show possible. Without them, I don't think we'd exist. We couldn't. So I really enjoy spending the last half an hour or so of each episode. 30 to 40 minutes.

Giving them the love they deserve. 30 to 40 minutes each time. Some people say it's getting longer and longer it's not getting longer it's always been 30 i'm saying it is getting longer because you have to put this at the start of everyone now it's getting seven seconds longer uh but if you want to get involved you can sign up at patreon.com slash do go on pod or do go on pod.com and uh yeah there's a bunch of different levels depending on your budget and all those sort of things and different rewards uh different levels what are some of the rewards you can get there dave we're doing three bonus episodes a month at the moment and have for a

while so if you support us straight away you get 104 at a certain level 140 bonus episodes we've already put out you can listen to all of those back catalogue and then we'll put out three more every single month. We'll also welcome you into the private Facebook group. What many have described as the nicest corner of the internet. The internet's lounge. Yeah. It's a beautiful spot. Very gentle energy

in there. That's right. You get to vote for topics and a topic like this that we want to do a lot. We'll put up a few times because we really want to get it in there. Yeah. Oh, isn't that funny that Matt had put it up before and I, yeah, and then I put it up this time because we don't know what the others are. No, that's right.

We keep it a secret. I actually had never seen this one on the hat, so that's why I was so interested to hear it. Yeah, cool. I knew nothing of that story. But I kind of like it when it's happened before where it's been something I've put up and so you've read, like, the elevator pitch of it and then one of you has done the topic

and I'm like, oh, I know about this. And then I'm i'm like no i know one tiny bit of it so it's cool um yeah we love it and you get to control not control but you get to contribute and what we what we talk about exactly um and another thing you get to do if you're on the sydney scheinberg level you have to give us a fact a quote or a question that's the section we're going to do right now i think this one actually even even has a little give us a fact, a quote or a question. That's the section we're going to do right now. I think this one actually even has a little jingle, goes something like this. Fact, quote or question. He always remembers the ding.

It's a long ding. For this section. Thank you. Not the first time I've heard that. Subscribers on the Sydney Scheinberg level get to give us a fact, a quote or a question or a brag or a suggestion or whatever they like, really. They also get to give themselves a title. I read them out for the first time on the show, so yeah.

Be gentle is what you're saying. Yeah, I don't know why I'm so defensive about that. I'm like, hey, in case it sounds like I don't know what I'm talking about. All right, so the first one comes from Gary J from the UK. Gary J. Gary J. Dave, do you want to say Gary J? Hi, Gary J.

And Gary's given himself the title of Amateur Alternative Fact Finder. Ooh. And Gary J. So is that like a new category? Like I get to say if something's a fun fact, does he get to say if it's an alternative fact? Oh, maybe, yeah. I like it.

That's fun. So Gary has given us a fact, writing, just a new fact for NC, possibly short for North Carolina. Probably. If you wanted to mix up the blue fire engine one. Okay, okay. So he's saying that they have blue fire engines in North Carolina.

That's very interesting. Gary goes on to say in North Carolina there's a golf club where you can get llamas to caddy for you. What?

Scenic Sherwood Forest Golf Club is a 2260 yard par 3 18 hole layout that is one of the best-maintained courses in western North Carolina. Plus, there's shitloads of llamas around.

What? But when paying for the caddy, make sure you don't get fleeced. Stop me if you've heard this before. He spelt herd, H-E-R-D. Oh, my God, Gary, yes. And then said sorry for the puns never apologize for puns i love to hear them because i think each time it brings me a little bit closer to understanding what a pun is um that's that's great presumably they've gone for a sherwood forest or robin hood

themed yeah and then they've gone with llamas. I love that. I don't remember seeing llamas in the animated Robin Hood. It was foxes for sure. Yeah.

Foxes. In both senses of the word. Oh my god. Robin Hood could get it. That is very cute. I'm just looking it up. They've got a 4.7 star

rating on google.com. That's pretty good. From 70 reviews you can trust that. Looks good. From 70 reviews it's not bad. That's pretty good. From 70 reviews, you can trust that. Looks good. From 70 reviews, it's not bad. That's a bloody bad man. And then the second image you'll see.

Llama? Is it a llama? You better believe it. Llama! It's a llama caddy. Carrying your shit. What if like while you're taking a swing, llama just wanders off?

Yeah. I'm assuming you've got to walk the llama around. And I've never had a caddy, but because, like, that's only at fancy clubs, I think. You're not fancy? No. Do you want me to come caddy for you? Yes. Okay.

But one of the things caddies do is, like, give you help. They give you advice and stuff. Yeah. Like, what iron to use. Yeah, what club, how far to go and all that sort of stuff. But, yeah, I wonder if the llamas are that well trained. Stomp three times for a three iron. Would you say a caddy is a bit like a coach?

Yeah, I think so. Like an assistant coach kind of thing. I don't think caddies get enough respect. No, the word caddy sort of puts them down a bit. Totally. Oh, you're just a caddy just carrying my clubs. But you're right, especially at a pro level. They're your teammate.

Yeah. Yeah, I know the guy who was, I think it was an Aussie guy, was Tiger Woods caddy for a lot of his wins. And then he started caddying for Adam Scott, and Adam Scott won the Masters. It's like, I don't think that's a coincidence. Would you get paid all right as a caddy? Just looking it up now.

I think you get a cut like 10% or something. Get fucked. I actually have no idea. That's a guess. Top five highest paid caddies for 2020. Jimmy Johnson, $500,000. Oh, that's not bad at all. To spend your life touring around and walking on some of the most pristine golf courses.

Yeah, every day is just a nice walk in the woods. Bloody hell, God. Imagine you got your Fitbit on. Count those steps. Thank you very God. Imagine you've got your Fitbit on. Count those steps. Thank you very much. Thank you. Love that. It's sort of like when you're – because people will either volunteer

or they get paid very little to umpire or ref, social sport, kids sport, stuff like that. But then if you're in the big leagues, imagine if you're one of the best tennis umpires and you just tour the world you're in the big leagues, imagine if you're one of the best tennis umpires and you just tour the world umpiring the big tennis championships. What a joy that would be. That would be fucking sick. That would be cool until you get yelled at,

tennis racket thrown at you. Oh, yeah, it's a terrible job, actually. And then I'm thinking of football umpires. They run so far in a game. They run so much. God, no, no thanks. I like my sedentary job. Yeah.

Well, you're unlike Jimmy Johnson who's been inducted into the Caddy Hall of Fame. Are you fucking kidding me? In August last year. Any llamas in there? Or alpacas or whatever they were? Not that I'm seeing. Okay, well, not yet.

Exactly. Are you sure Jimmy Johnson's not a llama? Have you confirmed? What species is Jimmy Johnson? That's one of the most searched terms, actually. That's fascinating. Gary J, you started a beautiful little tangent there. I enjoyed that very much.

I'd call my llama caddy Arnold Llama. Like an Arnold Palmer? That's great. And the drink? Yeah. Which is named after him. I immediately went

to drink and forgot it was after a golfer. Arnold llama is very good. That's good. I would go llama dama ding

dong personally. That's even better. Easily. Llama dama ding dong. Pass us the five.

I love you llama dama ding dong. You are my the five. I love you, Llama Dumba Ding Dong. You are my best friend. I'd call mine Jimmy Johnson. Oh, that's good. Okay, that's good too. A tribute. Jimmy the Llama Johnson.

What would you call your llama? Let us know in the comments below. The next one comes from Colin Wright, a.k.a. Actually Lee Wright, part two Lee Wright Part 2 of the Bragg Brothers. Bragg Brothers. Loving it. Bring it on. Love a brag.

Colin Wright. A little while ago, my brother updated you on getting into grad school for marriage and family therapy. Now I would like to add a brag of my own. I work at a professional theatre in Sandy, Utah. I've been a stage technician for the last year and a half, but before the pandemic, I worked in lighting and I'm studying lighting design in college. a lighting position I didn't get,

and seriously considering leaving this job several times, I started work as a lighting board operator and day crew lighting tech last week at the same theater. Yes. It's been awesome. I love every minute of lighting and legitimately can't believe I'm getting paid to do it sometimes. Yes. That's great.

That's so good. So that's Lee writing that? That's Colin. So was it Colin that bragged last time and this is Lee? What was the title was actually Lee? Oh, my gosh. It is actually Lee. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cool. So you understood what that meant. Yeah. So Colin was the one who was studying, got into the course and was really excited about that. I remember that. And Lee doing lighting design. That's sick. Finally, Lee says, an additional fun fact,

my first lighting internship was when I first started listening to Do Go On and my first episode was the Wright Brothers for semi-obvious reasons. I think he's a fan of flight. That makes sense. That's so cool. Lee Wright, fan of flight. Congratulations, Lee. That's huge.

That's really exciting. Congratulations, Lee. That's a really cool, like, I always like, every time you go to the theatre and stuff and you're like, well, there's lighting cues and all the, I'm actually always very interested in the stagecraft. Yeah. I mean, imagine without them.

You'd hardly see anything. Yeah. That's so true. I'm just looking on Google.com and Sandy, Utah. There's multiple theatres with a 4.9 star rating. Wow. I can only assume. Have they had at least 70?

Yeah, one of them's had 6.9 thousand reviews. Whoa! That's enough to get a good gauge. That's so many reviews yeah that's the hail center theater is that your one we'll never know that's awesome let us know lee great job lee there's many with many with high start thank you lee next one comes from betsy n aka captaining the charge of the lighten up brigade lighten up Brigade.

Lighten up. Betsy is asking a question. Writing, I guess this is a special one. I haven't read them until I've read them in case we don't have any good answers. This question stems from Matt's post in the Facebook group, the nicest corner of the internet, about favorite flowers. This is the kind of stuff we get up to in there. It's very gentle.

Because one of my favorites is the giant lilac in my garden, particularly during the spring bloom when it's just alive with honey and bumblebees. I love to sit under the bush listening to and watching the bees, despite being slightly terrified since I'm allergic to being stung. Oh, gosh. My question to you is, do any of you have something silly like this that you have a love-hate relationship with?

Oh. I really thought this was going to go favourite flower. And I had answers locked and loaded. That you have a funny love-hate relationship with. Why? I mean, so many things, just depending on if I've eaten or not. You know, then I can be very grumpy.

Yeah. Suddenly hate things I love very much. I've got, you just made me think that because when you're grumpy, you want a coffee. I've got a love-hate relationship with coffee. Yeah. I really enjoy the taste. Makes you shit yourself.

I love the feeling. Well, a gentleman never shits. Make you shit yourself. You love the feeling of shitting yourself? No, no. I think you're misunderstanding. I just like a bit of a buzz. Gotta love this feeling. Here it comes. God, I love shitting myself.

You've been very uncouth today, you two. I can't see any negatives so far, Matt. Yeah, so far. So we've got the love. But the crash. I get a big coffee crash. Do you just have more coffee, idiot? That's a good point.

Never stop drinking coffee. Keep the buzz going. Yeah. When you crash, go to bed. I'd say the Saints, they're another one. I love them, but man, they hurt me sometimes. Yeah. I would say the same for having a puppy.

He's fine now, but there's a solid year there of, oh my God, you're trying to kill me, but I love you so much. That's very interesting. I don't think, I can't think of any,

I can't think of anything else. I can think of one way you think, and that is there's a bakery near where I work and I love their pies so much but so does everyone else and they sell out often before midday and i have this thing where i just think just put more on make more pies this happens every fucking day it's just it's the it's a terrible business model yeah you're right they could make so much more money i find it so frustrating that they just don't put like there there is clearly a supply and demand going on.

You've found out what the demand is, increase the supply. So I don't get there at 11.55 and they go, sorry, we're all out of hot food. Would you like a sandwich? No. No, I wanted a pie. I wanted a pie. That's what I came for.

When I get the pie, because it is sort of 50-50 whether you get one, it is kind of more satisfying. Yeah. And just yesterday, I got the last pie. The last pie. Which was great. But then, as I'm walking out, someone said, do you have any pies? And the lady pointed to me and said, he just got the last one.

Okay, no. Don't, don't. I'm going to get tackled in the street by this man. That's not fair. What kind of pie was it? It wasn't my second favourite. My favourite is their beef. Beef.

It's sort of like a stroganoff type thing in a pie, but I got the chicken and mushroom. Okay. Which was very good. But yes, I find it so frustrating that they sell that... Beef stroganoff. They sell that every day. I mean, I don't know what beef stroganoff is, but it's a great name.

Sounds fun to say, isn't it? Beef stroganoff. Yeah. Oliver Clarke uses it in one of his classic routines. Beef stroganoff. That's right. Thank you. That was a good question, Betsy.

Great question. Glad we had it. Sometimes the questions like that, we battle to come up with anything because we haven't done any pre-thinking. But I think we gave you something there, Betsy. All right? You're welcome.

Okay? Okay. Thank you so much for the question. I love the question. I'm a big fan of the questions something there, Betsy. All right? You're welcome. Okay? Okay. Thank you so much for the question. No, I love the... I'm a big fan of the questions. Yeah, me too. I'm a fan of all of it.

I like it when they brag. I like the variety. Yeah. Well, if you like a brag, I'm going to love this last one. It's from Jacob Hiron. Is that a soft G? I think we do this every time.

Every time. The softest G. Jacob Giron. Jacob Giron. Jacob Hiron. Jiron. Jiron. Jiron, son. To Jiron. Jacob Giron. Jacob Giron. Giron. Giron. Giron, son.

To Giron. Jacob is a.k.a. JFK's long-lost son, Mr. Resident. Mr. Resident. I don't think I get it, but I love it. It's taken the pay off. Okay. Mr. Resident.

Happy birthday, Mr. Resident. Jacob, I'm so tired and I'm losing my mind Jacob brags hey guys I am once again hoping Matt said my name the French way

which once again is the best way I'm here with a brag this time by the time you're reading this my fiance and I will have completed our first ever

LA marathon congratulations 26.2 miles alright Reading this, my fiancé and I will have completed our first ever LA marathon. Oh! Congratulations. 26.2 miles. Far out. Dave, what's that in Ks? It's 42 something for a marathon.

Yeah. Which I reckon that's even more, right? Yeah, we do 42 point something, right? Yeah, I think so. 26 miles is... Oh, no. I don't know. No, it's less whatever um because it's 1.6 times yeah uh anyway i will confirm that it is the same distance okay 26.2 is 42.195

kilometers oh yeah great i do not understand maths i was doubling it in my head, and that was equaling 42 when it's actually 52. And I'm like, it's less than... Whatever. No one needs to hear my working out for some I got wrong. Do you want to know how many nanometers it is? Yes, please. No, you don't. That's big for me.

Jacob goes on. Training has been grueling, and I will never be running again. Yep, fair. I listen to you guys a lot on my runs because the laughter dulls the pain. Oh. Wanted to say congrats to Dave on his marriage. Thank you.

My invite must have been lost in the mail. Well, the good news is that soon I'll be marrying you as well as everyone else. Wow. Surely Matt and Jess can stop with the V jokes. Absolutely not. How dare you? You're making a real assumption there, Jacob. Yeah, really.

I honestly wouldn't be making that assumption. It's going to happen, guys. I believe in him. No, that's a nah. Anyway, sorry for such a long message. Keep doing what you guys do. And most of all, keep it saucy. Cheers.

Keep it saucy. Cheers to you, Jacob. Love your catchphrase of keep it saucy. Thank you guys do. And most of all, keep it saucy. Cheers. Keep it saucy. Cheers to you, Jacob. Love your catchphrase of keep it saucy. Thank you, Jacob. LA Marathon. Well, congratulations. Yeah, huge. That's an amazing effort.

Well done. Another thing we like to do, Bob, is shout out to a few of our other great supporters. You normally come up with a bit of a game, something to do with the topic. Maybe what they're the queen of. Yeah, that's with the topic. Maybe what they're the queen of. Yeah, that's what I was thinking, what they're the royalty of. Great. Love that very much. Well, if I can kick it off, if you don't mind.

Please. I'd love to thank from High Wycombe in Western Australia, Tamara Potts. Tamara Potts is the queen of Paper. Oh, Paper Queen. Oh, okay. A bit of origami going on here? Yep. A bit of everything.

A bit of collage on the go. Sort of like the Jeannie Pratt of Western Australia. If you're like, think of the many different types of paper. Queen of all of them. Wow. Toilet paper. Crepe paper. Tissue paper different types of paper. Queen of all of them. Wow. Toilet paper, crepe paper, tissue paper. Printing paper. Printing paper, money.

Low GSM, high GSM. Yes. All of those things. Yep. So it's actually... Paper mache, that's correct too. So yeah, it's actually a pretty big deal. Not magazines though.

Not magazines. Liquid paper. Liquid paper, yes. Yep. Paper weights? No. Absolutely not. How fucking dare you.

Got a new tomorrow box. Paper view. Sorry, I just saw a box of paper up there and I saw it. I panicked and neither of you were helping. It was fun to watch you panic. It is fun, actually. It was fun to watch you panic. It is fun, actually. It's fun to panic. I'd also love to thank from Triorchi, apologies for the pronunciation,

in Great Britain, Chris Williams. Chris Williams, king or queen of the desert. Oh, that's good, actually. Yeah, got a real mummy vibe about that. Yeah, love that. Could just go with monarch of the desert. Yeah, the monarch. That's good.

Otherwise it goes king or queen is too long. Yeah, let's just make a monarch. Bow down to me. I am the monarch of the desert. King and queen very gendered also. You know,

let's go with monarch. Yeah, they should have called him the scorpion monarch. Oh, that's fucking good. Because I was thinking do you remember that? There was like a Sunday night

ABC kind of program called Monarch of the Glen. Yes. What was it? Yeah, it was like a prodigal son kind of thing, having to come back to look after his country estate. And it was a wacky group of misfits, that kind of classic. It feels like a go before or after Foyle's War. Yeah, yeah.

And finally for me, I'd love to thank from, ooh, address unknown, can only assume deep within the fortress of the moles, Chris Smith.

Back to back Chris's, that feels good. Monarch of the Brick. Just names things she sees. But it sounds fun. Monarch of the Brick. Monarch of the Brick. Just names things she sees. But it sounds fun. Monarch of the Brick. Monarch of the Brick.

Should I stop? Should I stop contributing? Is that just a single brick? Or does that mean something else? Well, the single brick is a special brick. And it's more of a symbolic brick. Yes. But it symbolises all brick.

Wow. Do you have to bow to or kiss the brick or something? No, they put a hat over the brick. A small hat. And the brick is technically the monarch, but somebody has to carry that brick around. My lord. Lord Brick.

Lord Brick. Chris Smith, monarch of the brick. I'm so sorry, Chris. It was a bit of fun, wasn't it? Thank you, Chris. I'd love to thank some people, if I may. I'd love you too. I would love to thank from Swanston in Great Britain, Chris Heather.

Another Chris. Three Chris's in a row. Three Chris's. How old is that? That's amazing. All right, let's see. Monarch of the sky. Monarch of the sky. Monarch of the Sky.

Sky Monarch. Yeah, yeah. That's a big jurisdiction. They're huge. Do you know what? You know how, like, Dave, you might notice this. If you're walking your dog and they, like, come across another dog's shit, they'll piss on it.

What? They pee where other dogs pee to sort of like mark their territory and sort of be like overpower that smell. So they piss on shit. Sometimes my... No, Humphrey won't piss on shit. He'll sniff shit and then go, oh, oh yeah, and then keep walking. Okay, Goose will piss all over that.

But sometimes Goose will stop and he always pees on bird shit and I'm like, are you trying to dominate the sky? Wow. You can't. I mean, you've named him after a bird. That's true, actually. Maybe he's confused. Oh, he's probably confused.

He probably thinks he's a bird. Or does he think it's like, is he sort of like a Big Kev cleaning kind of guy? You know how white wine cleans red wine? Maybe he thinks piss cleans up shit. Yeah, and he's just trying to clean up the footpath. Yeah. So this is embarrassing. Big Kev.

I'm excited. I'm excited. Big Kev.'m excited I'm excited Big Kev Rest in peace So Chris Chris Heather The monarch of the sky Monarch of the sky

It's a big territory Yeah But an important one Yeah yeah Does that include space Or is there like a A point where No it's up to the

Just the atmosphere Yeah the sky's got a ceiling Come on Stratosphere maybe The question is What happens When the sky's over the desert Because we've got two Chris's

Both vying Yeah as monarchs. Yeah, yeah. Obviously, there's a border between the two. That's right. Yeah, where is that? Where's the border? I know Alistair Trombo-Birchall and Andy Matthews in one of their shows had a joke about the sky starts like a centimeter off the ground. Is that one of their engineering shows?

Yeah. They're so funny. Very funny. Who else would you like to thank? Poppa? I would love to thank from Margaret in MA, Massachusetts. I reckon. Margaret.

I would love to... Oh, wait. Is it Maryland? No. Oh. I think that's MD, Maryland. Yeah. I think it's MA.

I would love to thank Margaret Krupp. Maine, maybe? Margaret Krupp. What a name. Sorry, we missed that, didn't we? Margaret's from Margaret. Well, I'm thinking, because I'm trying to Google Margaret MA, and I don't know if it's a place.

Margaret from Margaret. It's Massachusetts. Yeah, and that's what I fucking said. And you never trust me. It's interesting because alphabetically it should have gone to Maine, but obviously Massachusetts was more powerful. Massachusetts. Margaret Krupp.

How good is that name? Margaret Krupp. I'm going to bow out a little bit of my naming things because I am just giving them shit things from around this room. Monarch of the Beasts. Ooh. Is that like all kind of animals or is this about a monarch of the beasts? Ooh. Yeah. Is that like all kind of animals

or is this in a sort of a parallel world? Just beasts. Okay. So I'll think of an animal and I'll tell you if it's a beast. A cow. Okay, a big one. Yeah, a big cow is a beast.

Small cow, fuck off. Lion? Beast. Bear? Beast. Dog? One bat. One bat.

Too cute. Okay. Echidna? No. Okay. So just big animals. They. One bat. Too cute. Okay. Echidna. No. Okay. So just big animals. They're quite big. What about Knuckles the echidna from Sonic the Hedgehog?

Okay, that's a beast. What about Sonic the Hedgehog? Beast. Okay. Simba the lion. Small beast. When he's small. When he's a child.

He will become a beast. Future beast. Nala The lion When she's hot Beast Yeah Fuck she was hot Tell you what

Geez Their chemistry just popped right off the screen I had A Simba and Nala toy Like the Two plush animals And they had magnets in their noses And you could stick their noses together

Like they're kissed That was a toy for children. It's weird. Make them kiss. Why? That's super weird. Why'd you do that? Make those lions kiss.

May those children lions kiss. Oh, they're the children version. Yeah, it's just like kid version. That's fucking weird, isn't it? It's got weird. Just thought of that. Yeah, why did I have that? Well.

What a strange toy choice. That explains why you've turned out how you have. You can also make them kiss the fridge and hang on. It's like a lion coming out. That's all we all wish we could do, kiss that fridge. You can stick a magnet on your lips, make them kiss you. Thank you to Margaret Krupp. And finally for me, I would love to thank, from Dublin,

in Ireland, Graham Monaghan. Oh, this is great. Obviously, we had a very Irish theme this week. And I think, Graham, you've got the Monaghan spelling of my family as well. Ooh, could be a rello. Graham Monaghan, monarch of the seas. Which ones? All of them. Sea or seed? Seeds. Which ones?

All of them. Sea or seed? Seeds. Okay, cool. Just checking. And seeds. Seed and seeds. Okay.

Oh, my God. Both. Yeah. Because there's so many types of seeds. So a lot of Graham's jurisdiction includes bird shit. What's the seed in there? A lot of seed in there. But also, like...

Tops of bread. Does Graham's jurisdiction end when a seed becomes a plant or does he then also sort of have jurisdiction over all crops? No, no, that's where it gets... Yeah. He has it.

He can take cash off you if you're trading seeds. Yeah. But not crops. Interesting. Okay. Yeah. I wonder who's got the crops.

Well, let's find out. Thanks, Graham. I would love to thank now also from Location Unknown. Surname Unknown. Big shout out. You know who you are. Callum. Callum.

What about Monarch of Internet Privacy? Whoa. Obviously, very good at their job. Yeah. Maybe they have a VPN. They have two. Wow. At the same time.

Whoa. Double VPN. It's how they cancel each other out. Yeah, it goes back to where they are. Your data is very accessible. Callum. Data's actually more accessible. Or is that what Callum wants you to think?

Yeah, that's right. Because there's actually a third VPN. Wow. So good, Callum. That is good. The master. Good work, Callum. I would now like to thank from...

Is this... From Wirral. Remember we had... I had someone who was Worrell from Wirral in a report once. Wirral in Great Britain. Worrell from Wirral. Are you related? We don Wirral in Great Britain. Worrell from Wirral. Are you related? We don't know because the surname is again unknown.

It's Steph. Steph. Monarch of your mum. Fucking got ya. It's hard to know exactly what that means. No, but mums know. Yeah. So Steph's just the monarch of...

Just of Steph's mum or of all mums? Yeah, I guess. No, she... Because that's what Steph calls herself. She's, I'm the monarch of your mum. What are you, the monarch of Steph? Your mum. I'm the monarch of your mum.

So, it's all mums? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah. That's a lot of people. Uh-huh. That's a big job there, Steph Hope you're up to the task

Great work, Steph Now I think maybe Worrell from Wirral was another shout-out we did And I just loved it Anyway, that name has stuck with me forever And finally, I would like to thank from British Columbia in Canada From the city of Victoria It is Brandon Smith Brandon Smith

Second Smith today Three Chris's, two Smith's. What a time we're having. All right, I'll alley-oop you. Jump back in, fine. Oh, okay, okay. No, I don't think I can. All I've got is like water bottle.

All right, one. So you can't think of anything that's not in this room. Yeah. One bit each. All right, Dave, I'll meddle it in. Okay, I'll do Monarch. All right. Of the.

Go on, Dave, I'll meddle it in. Okay, I'll do monarch. Of the. Go on, Dave. Monarch of the Blue Fire Brigade. That worked out well. Were you going there already? I was already going to fire brigade. That's weird. Just like in North Carolina. That's crazy.

That's right. And every fire brigade needs a monarch, as we all know. Another fun fact about North Carolina I learned recently was that there's a golf course there called Scenic Sherwood Forest Golf Course, and their caddies there are llamas. Matt, that's a crazy fact. Where did you hear that? It sounds made up. I can't remember.

Okay, wow. That sounds like an alternative fact. I will not credit the source. Credit the source. What song is that? Cherish the thought. Cherish the thought. Oh, Madonna.

Yeah. Love that. All right. Well, there's no triptych inductees this week. So, that brings us to the end of the episode. Well, you never book a band. I know. Don't worry about it.

So, yeah, I think there will be some triptych inductees next week. So, Dave, hopefully you didn't book a band either. Is there a band sitting out? No, there's a band every week for the people that are already here. Who did you book this week? I booked Boyzone. Wow. Irish?

I believe so. You just went to Irish? Yeah, I was trying to think of an Irish band that wasn't U2. Yeah. They hate U2. What a beautiful tribute to the Pirate Queen. Pirate Queen. Boyzone with Ronan.

Couldn't even get Enya. I think we've had her before. Or Bewitched. Couldn't get Bewitched. Some people say I look like me dad. Or The Cause. Or The Cause. Poison opening for Bewitched.

Fuck yeah. Say you will. Say you won't. Say you'll do what I won't. Say you will. Say you'll be. Say you'll be. you will Say love me And they also have another one.

The rain goes on On and on again It's a good one. That sounds great. Great work. And they're back together. They were together from 97 to 2002, but in 2012 they reunited.

Oh, that's good to hear. I'm glad they sorted this shit out. About time. Come on, Bewitched. And their album in 2014 was called Champagne or Guinness, which I believe is what we have on tap tonight. Yes, I've either got Champagne or Guinness. Both on tap.

Always a tough choice. I like to mix the two. Yeah. Guinness Shandy. Yeah. Is that what a Shandy is? No. Shandy's beer and lemonade,

but a Guinness Shandy is champagne and Guinness. So yes. There would be a name for that. Don't at me. Don't drink it either. Yuck. Jess, is there anything we need to tell people before we go? Just that we love them.

If they want to suggest a topic, they can do so. There's a link in the show notes and also on dogoonpod.com. If you want to support the show, you can do so at patreon.com forward slash dogoonpod or dogoonPod.com. If you want to support the show, you can do so at Patreon.com forward slash DoGoOnPod or DoGoOnPod.com. Apparently Guinness and champagne is called a black velvet. Oh, that's good. Black velvet. That sounds gross.

Like that's a thing. It doesn't sound good. Then again, people at the moment on TikTok are drinking coffee and orange juice together. Oh, that's worse. Yeah. So I mean. What is it? Coffee and orange juice.

Who's drinking that? People on TikTok. You've got to get on TikTok, Bryce. That sounds awful. It does sound awful. Being on TikTok, I mean. Follow me on TikTok, Matt's short comedy. How are you going on there?

You were doing one a day for a while? Since I smashed my phone, I haven't logged in. And that was about... That was a month ago. Okay. I've just got my phone fixed. So you don't even know how many followers you've accrued. Oh my God, Matt.

Imagine while you're not posting anything. You could be an influencer. So you don't even know how many followers you've accrued. Oh, my God, Matt. Imagine while you're not posting anything. You could be an influencer now and you don't even know. Fucking hell, Matt. Does that M mean million? One M. He's got one M followers. Oh, my God. That's amazing.

Now, Dave, put this baby home. Thanks so much for listening. Get in contact with us at dogoonpod.com have a click around enjoy yourself I really just wanted to say the show's over

so on our website you can also find links to we'll be back next week with another episode but until then

I'll say thank you so much so much and goodbye later bye So much. And goodbye. Later. Bye. Bye. from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change

for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future.