Do Go On - 342 - Grace O'Malley ; The Pirate Queen of Ireland

Episode Date: May 11, 2022

Grace O'Malley (real name Gráinne Ní Mháille) was a badass Pirate Queen and an Irish folklore legend, and is one of the most influential people of the 16th Century in Ireland and England. Strap in for a wild ride!Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: dogoonpod.com or patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/ Check out our new merch: https://do-go-on-podcast.creator-spring.com/ Check out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​ Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodEmail us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.historyireland.com/early-modern-history-1500-1700/grainne-mhaol-pirate-queen-of-connacht-behind-the-legend/https://www.worldhistory.org/Grace_O'Malley/https://www.mayo-ireland.ie/en/about-mayo/history/grace-omalley-the-pirate-queen.htmlhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Y4oNGHv7BAhttps://irishfolklore.wordpress.com/2021/01/08/grainne-mhaol-irelands-pirate-queen/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grace_O%27Malleyhttps://www.rmg.co.uk/stories/grace-o-malley-pirate-history-fact-fiction-legend Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there. Canada, we are visiting you in September this year.

If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go One. My name is Dave Warnacki and as always I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. Hello Dave. Hello Matt.

It is me, your best friend, Jess. I'm ready to do a podcast with you. I loved it. That's fantastic. Why won't you look at me? You've heard me say that I don't like many musicals. but I know what I like. And I loved that.

Yeah, that was fantastic. It won me over. Holy moly. You're going to do the whole episode in song? Fuck, no, absolutely not. Can you imagine? Oh, insufferable. Really?

Especially with, like, I mean, I have no musical training. Self taught. Self taught. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, I just felt like putting in a little brag there. Jess?

I'm naturally talented. Yes. Can I ask you to sing an explanation of what this show is? Yeah, sure. but now I only have the one melody in my head that's more than I've got give me a song give me a melody and I'll sing it

Eleanor Rigby Okay Welcome to do go On we are a podcast where we each research A different topic Each week We take it in turns And we research a thing and we tell

The others about it we start with a question and I'm going to do that right now That was great Was it? Yeah There was a real chance for a rhyme of as well At one point

Which was where I thought you were going Rhyming as well with as well And I didn't Fuck I blacked out I have no idea Wow how did you miss that It was a real opportunity

When you put as well in a song Yeah gotta use it again You gotta use it again Yes We do. These topics are often suggested by a listener and voted on by people who support us at patreon.com or do go on pod.com. My question for you is, Grace O'Malley is best known as the Irish queen of what? Pirate queen. Yes.

Good job. I've put her up for the vote a few times as well. Really? And they haven't gone for her. She's like come second a bunch of times. Interesting. Yeah, apparently, I never looked into it too much, but like a real folk hero in Ireland, I believe. Absolutely, yes. And a few people have suggested it.

And Ola McGrath suggested it and was like, I've seen this in the vote. So, you know, you're probably going to do it at some point. But it's been suggested by Ola, Patrick Ryan, Padrig, Nicola, Gillian, and Evan Ralph. So quite a few people suggested this topic. And yes, you're absolutely right. a real sort of folklore legend in Ireland. Really? Hearing those names back,

that didn't sound like they were... Patrick Padrig. Ola. Ola. Now, I didn't copy it down. Ola made a very good point that... And a bit of a plea, Ola, which I hear you, because Grace O'Malley is the anglicised name

and not an actual... close translation. Gronia doesn't mean grace. So it's, his actual name is Gronia. And so Ola was sort of like, to mention that there's like an American TV presenter or something that was like making a show about Grace O'Malley and was like, you know, we'll just call her grace because it's easier.

And Ola was understandably like, that's kind of frustrating, especially if you know the history between Ireland and England. It's a bit frustrating. You can just say their name properly. Yeah, that's true. But if you know the issue of do go on, pronouncing words is difficult. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll often love an easy way out.

But, no, I think that's a good point. Yeah. Gronia, what's the full name? Gronia Nia Niawale. Right. Because, yeah, I've read that a bunch. Because most people who suggested it have both versions of it. Yeah.

That's right. And I think like, and yeah, I will. definitely be saying things not quite right. And I'm going to really do my best. I've put in, you know, phonetic translations wherever I can so I get it as close as possible. But I do find it frustrating when you're trying to look up, you know, how to say an Irish name or something. And the only videos that come up are like talk show hosts, interviewing Chersharonin and getting her to read like Irish names and the audience is just like, it's so crazy. How is that Neve and you're like, because it's a different language. It's not that interesting or funny.

You're just laughing at another language. It's very confusing. So I am going to be referring to her the whole way through as Gronia. If you want to look up more information about it, you probably do need to Google Grace O'Malley. Even the Wikipedia page is Grace O'Malley. It's like graceomalley.com. Oh, sorry, I found this great website,

which I'll mention a couple of times in here. It's like, I think it's mostly about like Irish folklore. That's right. Do you know the pronunciation of that? Because Sersheron and set it on Jimmy Kimmel or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wasn't sure otherwise, but it's Wikipedia. Okay.

Yeah. I wouldn't have thought that. Yeah, I know. So if you want to look at it was Wikipedia.org. It's got a whole bunch of information there about Irish folklore. Very cool. Very cool stuff. But yeah, so this is, to start, a little quote from one of the many, many fantastic resources I found about this Irish.

legend. Few historical characters have made such an imprint on Irish folklore and legend as Gronia Niwalia, anglicised as Grace O'Malley. Luckily, outside of the oral tradition, we have a number of historical accounts, almost all from English sources, detailing the life and exploits of this extraordinary woman. So she's born in Ireland around 1530, so quite some time ago. Is she still alive? We'll find out. No spoilers. This is when Henry, 8th was King of England and held the title of Lord of Ireland as well. And a bit of historical context from history island.com. I trust this.

Yeah. Any attempt to glimpse the woman behind the legend must consider the period in which she lived. The forces arraigned against her and the society which gave rise to her. Ireland in the early decades of the 16th century consisted of two distinct cultures. Dublin, its bordering counties and the coastal cities were technically English and regarded their hinterland with fear. It was a frontier society. The rest of the country was composed of the gaolacized Old English and native Irish.

Living within autonomous territories, they enjoyed traditional pastimes such as stealing cattle, poaching castles, feuding, intermarrying, and vying for domination. That's a list of pastimes. Just some traditional pastimes, basket weaving, intermarrying, you know, the fun stuff. Stealing cows. Silling cows. A system of clienthip existed. Weaker families

aligned themselves to powerful ones and bonds were cemented by means of tribute, military aid, marriage and fosterage. Strict laws governed all formal aspects of these relationships. A complex interdependency bound the families together in a hierarchical society

in which status and pride were of paramount of importance. So look, there's sections of this story where researching it, I'm like, okay, to explain what's happening here, I need to look into, and you know how like you, and you do medieval history in high school and you learn what barons do? And it's so completely different to how things work now.

Sections of this, I'm like, I'm not really sure what's going on here. It's quite confusing. It was, honestly, a very long time ago. Okay. And a different country to where I live. Where's that? Island. You live in Ireland?

No, no, no, I live in Australia. Oh, where's that? Just here. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. And because of the time difference, it's not 1530 where you live. It's not 1530 where I live. Is that a Dalit Savings thing?

It's a Dalaiot Savings thing. It's a dayland saving thing mostly, just a time zone. Right. Oh, yeah. The arcade. Yeah. So, okay, so Gronia was the only child of Mave and Owen Davdara. Walia is their surname.

which is spelled O-M-A-I-L-E. That's Walia. And the family was based in Clue Bay County Mayo. Not much is known about her early life, but it's believed she most likely lived at her family's residence of Belclair on Clare Island, which is like a little island guarding the entrance to Clue Bay. So they had a castle on an island in a bay. That's my dream life.

Very cool, yeah. Castle in a bay. Yeah. Castles, what I think are castles, I think, dank. Oh yeah, okay. Okay, Castle, hear me out, with underfloor heating. Now what do you reckon? The Queen of England has that?

Yeah. Do you reckon she's got underfloor heating? What do you reckon? Well, you reckon the Queen's walking into her bedroom going, oh, a bit chilly, it has to go turn on like a fucking furnace? A picture in her wearing slippers. I reckon Buckingham Palace is like, it's an incredibly expensive bill to heat the whole thing,

but it is cosy everywhere. Really? It must be. Not in the kitchens or, like, you know, anywhere. that the staff would be. Yeah, but anywhere where she might be. And that's our money. Is that right?

I think that's how taxes work. Our taxes go all the way up to the queen. I think so. Yeah, you know, you pay the queen tax. What else will we be paying taxes for, roads and hospitals? Get your head out of your ass, Matt. It's for the queen. She's on all our cash.

That's right. Yeah, and you monicus are pretty happy about that. Love it. Love Lizzie. Love seeing her face every day, reminding me of who's in charge. Off with her head. from our cash is something I say. Okay, but not her

physical head. You wish no heart against her. Hey, look. Matt. Why not both? Lop it off. Oh my God. I reckon they should get a second head of hers on there. Yeah, get another head. Two heads.

Well, the way their family breathes, it was always a danger. So yeah, I think they reckon she most likely grew up on that family's castle, but there's also a chance that she was fostered to another family, which is apparently very common for Irish. nobility at the time and send their kids off to live with somebody else and I think based on that sort of quote from before of like how their society kind of worked I think that was maybe

a way of like forming ally ships with people sort of like well you can't attack you know the family you grew up with that kid yeah you know how could you know you can't oh come on he's like a sibling to you could it don't dog darrell yeah you love darrell you love him Under no circumstance, can you dog Daryl? Come on. Don't, dog, fuck. Don't you, fuck. I like that system of, like, using marriage as a way to form an alliance.

Yeah. I think that it's the perfect system, I think, that if you just get everyone to marry everyone, so there's one big marriage. No one would want to kill anyone. You might have, like, a bit of a tiff here and there. But that, okay, Dave, based on what you're suggesting, three of us sitting here are all married to each other.

Exactly. And we'd never, I wouldn't kill Matt anymore. I wouldn't want to kill him? But wouldn't you be jealous if I was like spending more time with Matt than with you? Or you've got so many other wives, you don't care. Yeah, but we go into counselling together. Well, three of us. Yeah, well, everyone.

No, everyone goes into, Dave, you've not thought this through at all. You sought through your shit. I reckon maybe you just stick to your marriage. Just for one person. Yeah, you're in a marriage. Exactly. And that was to form an alliance. And I'm trying to get more people into the alliance.

I do not want to be in that alliance, please. So far, it's just two of us. Yeah, and the dog. Exactly. That's how you get them. Because then he forms alliances. Exactly. The neighbours, they get along.

Okay. Speaking of Polly, back to the pirate. Like the bird on the... That's not bad. It's a bit of a stretch, but like sometimes that's clever. Not in this case, but sometimes. So her family were accomplished seafarers with her father known to have traveled often between island, Scotland and Spain.

They controlled most of what is now the barony of Murriss in southwest county Mayo, meaning they controlled the land and the sea in their territory. Yeah, you got to. You got to, if you're buying a beachfront property, you've got to know a little bit of that ocean's yours. Exactly.

Mine. Also, you now own a little bit of erosion. Yeah. That just means a little more sea. A bit more sea for me. Keep it coming. The interest rate on my sea levels is, oh my God, give it 10 years. I got more sea.

This meant that each year, 50 English ships would have to pay a great tribute to the clan in order to fish there. And the fertile waters were filled with herring, cod, lings, salmon and shellfish. And that provided an important source of income for the family. So they'd just charge people for being in their water. Honestly, I think if you were like, you know, if your business was like, trading by ship, you'd have to be really thinking about where you're going

because every time you're in somebody's water, they're like, pay up, you're in my water. Yeah, it's like going around a monopoly board. Yeah, like, oh, 200 bucks again. Lent on Kent Street again, bloody hell. This is killing me. And I guess if you say no, what are they to sink your ship? Yeah, they just pillage it.

Right. No, they say, oh, can't. Come on. I own this water. This is my water. I said so. It's mine. My dad owns it.

It might not be perfect. It's the only system we've got. I can't see it changing ever, so get used to it. So the family also made fishing nets and built fishing boats. They're very much, you know, they lived by the sea. And they supplemented their bank accounts with a little bit of piracy. There's a fairly famous story about a time when Gronia was a child and wanted to join her father on a trading expedition to Spain,

but she wasn't allowed to go because, as we all know, women are bad luck on boats. Still to this day. Can't get on a cruise ship. That's still a thing. Yeah, yeah, can't get on a boat. Not allowed. For bad luck.

What bad luck. Come on. That's right, because there was a woman on the Titanic, wasn't there? Yeah. Rose. That was their fatal mistake. Rose. They let her on.

They thought maybe that's just a bit of like, you know, like a superstition. Yeah. How could a woman be? bad luck on a bandwell now we know yeah now we know where's the titanic now yeah bottom of the ocean that's where that is okay so is that does that answer your question it is still in the bottom of the ocean isn't we haven't picked it up has nobody gone and picked it up

I'm pretty sure you did a report about it you would know yeah I remember James Cameron went down there six years ago I don't remember last week's episode truly you truly don't I don't what do they put on boats there's often like a carving of a of a woman on the front yeah that feels like They're playing with fire. I think that's the only woman allowed. Putting a permanent woman on the boat. Maybe it's because they usually don't have a top on.

Maybe covering a woman's body is bad luck. And then women are like, I don't really want to be nude on a boat with a bunch of dudes. Yeah, would you prefer to die? Honestly. This is for everyone's safety. Take it off. Hey, where is upset as you?

Oh, yeah. I don't want to, I'm trying to eat my breakfast. You're there naked. It's cold. We're worrying about you. We want to have a cardigan on. I just want to put a shawl on you, but I can't for the safety of everyone. I went on a day cruise over Christmas and the captain, let's call it. The skipper.

The skipper was worried that my mother-in-law had brought a banana on board. He was worried that she'd brought a banana. Apparently he was saying that's bad luck. He said he was tapping a sign saying, look, no, it said no bananas. I don't know if that's a personal thing for him or if that's also like a ship thing. I've never seen that in my life and that is incredible. Why banana specifically?

I'm guessing he does not use banana broat sunscreen. Yeah. He must think of that's really spitting in the face of bad luck. That's really poor taste. So what did she do? Eat it to get rid of it? She just went, oh, don't worry about it. Back in the handbag.

Because he was offering it to another lady who was on the ship who was getting a bit seasick. She said, oh, would you like a little banana? He goes, banana, didn't you see the sign? Tapping it. Yes, eating the banana wouldn't have helped. It still would have been on the boat. True.

It doesn't disappear. Eat the banana and then immediately shit. Off the side of the boat. I need to know it's gone. The only way we'll survive. Could I just throw it into the water? No. It'll come back.

It's boomerang shaped. That's some. That's truly baffling. I suppose if you are somebody listening who is, you know, you've grown up around boats, you work on boats, please let us know if that's a thing. Is that a thing? That's so strange. No bananas on boats.

Have you had a sign? But like, and it's not even like when you're crossing state borders and you have fruit on you and you, you know, you shouldn't because of fruit flies. I was assuming it was a fruit fly issue. But how's that an issue at sea? I mean, it was like a 30 minute cruise out to it. And it's not like no food or vegetables, no fruit. It's just no bananas.

Yeah. That's so strange. You know what? This guy sounded a little bananas. And you didn't think at the time, I need to ask a lot more questions about this. Oh, no, we, there was a mutiny on board. This was a madman. We locked in down below and then I was the captain.

And I said, bananas for all. And the boat sank. Yeah, he was down there, you don't know what you're doing. You're going to kill us all! And Dave did. Dave did kill him all. Anyway, she should have married him. Should have married him.

Exactly. Formed her life. So yeah, she wanted to go on this expedition to Spain with her dad. She wasn't allowed to go. So she snuck on board. And by the time they realized she was on the boat, it was too late to turn back and we're stuck with her. But another version of the story, though, says she's not allowed to go because her long hair would catch in the ship's ropes. So she cut off most of her hair.

And I think, like, it says to embarrass her. her father into taking her. But I think it's also sort of like, well, what's your excuse now? Yeah, that's great. So she's like, cut all her hair off. It's really short. She's essentially bald. And that's where she earned her nickname, as a lot of people would know her as Gronia whale.

And the whale sort of comes from the word that means bald in Irish. Classic stuff. Yeah. Take Grunia's name out of your mouth. Gronia whale. Yeah, okay. That's funny when you know how just through. history you never know what the hair fashion is.

Yeah. Men's hair, I'm like, olden days, men's hair would be long as well, but obviously just not of that period. Yeah. It comes and goes. Yeah, you're right. It's a bit, um, it's a bit odd. And because this happened in the 1500s and, uh, she was sort of like, she was a bit

written out of Irish history for, for a period there. It's bad luck to write women into history. It's bad luck to write women. She's, no, don't, don't acknowledge they were here. Um, so. So there's definitely gaps in like, you know, there's no hard evidence for some things. No, there's definitely that she existed. But it's like there's people have sort of had to, I guess, fill in some gaps a little bit.

So there's a lot of the time there's different versions of stories and you're like, it's one of them or a bit of both. So evidence suggests that she was formally educated. They were like a noble family. I lived in a castle. Yeah. So she would have been well educated as women were back then. And then we went through a period of time where they weren't.

It's funny, in my head, like, where just, you know, as time goes on, everyone gets more rights and equality becomes more achieved. But it's, unfortunately, it's not like that. Yeah, it's really interesting. There's some points I make later around, like, land ownership and stuff for women. And it's, it felt progressive reading about it. You're like, this is the 16th century. So, yeah, she was formally educated, but her real education happened on the sea. So she spent a lot of time...

She did. She had like a shooter. Yeah, on a boat. No, she spent a lot of times a child with their father on his trading and fishing voyages, helping hone her skills on the sea, which taught her how to travel by star or by compass, how to predict weather patterns, and how to navigate the treacherous waters. And this intimate knowledge of the hard to navigate and largely, uncharted inlets of her own territory

certainly made her a force to be reckoned with. In 1546, she married Donnell O'Flaherty, the heir of the Flaherty clan, and politically this would have been seen as a good match. They were, I think, a similarly powerful family with control of another large section of land. So yeah, it was definitely like a... An alliance. Great. And then, if they married their other neighbours,

who married their other neighbours, who married their other neighbours, who married Dave? You see, suddenly, world domination. He's starting to make sense And I hate it when he makes sense But yeah I like it because everyone Everyone's married

So he feels in one way you dominate But also it's just like Everyone just lives again You know It feels like such a stressful time When people are fighting for territory and stuff Totally yeah I just

How about you just have yours Everyone have a little bit Everyone have a little bit If everyone could just have a little bit If you've got none Let's chat it out Let's see what we can do But if you've got heaps, do you need heaps more?

Come on. Glad this conversation is no longer relevant, and everything is nice and evenly distributed. It's nice to look back and laugh. Yeah, those fools. What are they thinking? What are they thinking? This is from History Island.com again.

As the daughter of a chieftain, Gronia would have brought a substantial dowry to the marriage. Under Gaelic law, the dowry, although available for use by the husband, had to be returned intact to the wife on disillusion of the marriage. Women retained control of any personal property they brought to the marriage and were entitled to acquire additional property independently of their husbands. Such property could include troops, ships and a plethora of other goods.

So like in later and even in like English rule I think at the time, if you got married, everything that you owned was now your husbands. And if the marriage broke down or if he died, you don't even get your stuff back or you don't even get the fullest stuff. date when your husband dies, you get like a third of it. You get a like, there's like a little bit to keep the widow okay, but you don't own anything. So, but in this society and in Ireland at the time, she could have her own stuff and he'd

have his own stuff and she could keep buying things and she could keep building her own wealth, which is very interesting. This is a 1500. That's crazy. And if they split up, she gets to keep whatever she brought. Yeah. And whatever was already hers, she keeps that. So, yeah, so she's kind of set up regardless.

And although she was the only child of Davdara and Mave, she also had a paternal half-brother, also called Donnell, like her husband. Oh, it'd be an awkward in the boudoir. Oh, half-brother, I mean, husband, oh. It's so confusing. So confusing. And although typically during this period sons would inherit, Gronia was considered to be the legal retainer of the family land and seafaring activities.

So she's essentially the head of her own family and apparently also assumed the mantle of chieftainship of the afflaredes. Most tellings of her story say that due to the ineptness of her husband, who was reportedly a hot-tempered and impestuous man. That's a hot combo. Yeah, that's a good one. He was quick to take offence and seek retribution. How dare you? He was, for example, engaged in constant feudal.

with the joyses. Just another clan. The fucking joys. You're like those fucking joan. I hate those bricks. Yeah. They dog always shitting on my lawn. And I say, stop your dog from shitting on my lawn.

And they say, man, it's not our dog. It's not our dog. Must be somebody else's dog. That's a good boy. They look at me in the eye while their dog looks me in the eye and shits on my lawn. Nah, I never seen that dog before in the life. I've never met that dog. What dog?

What dog? Come on boy. You're wearing a t-shirt with a dog on it. The dog's wearing a collar with your address on it. I don't even know what a dog is. What are you going about? What is a dog? That's a ferret.

Donald, you're crazy. You've gone nuts, man. No wonder your wife has to run everything. You're crazy. Those fucking joysers. He's like, no, these fucking joyses! Slamming door. I can't win with these joysers.

Every time they outsmart me. Dogs are real, aren't they? I'm sure dogs are real. That wasn't a ferret. I've seen them. They're small. To the library. He's goes to a public library.

I need your dog books. And a ferret book and I need to contrast and compare. But the librarians are joy as a dog. What's a dog? What's a book? You've gone crazy. They're just gaslighting. It's where gaslighting started.

Yeah, yeah. Joyce's a big gas loaders. So together, Grunier and her husband had three children. Owen named after her father, Maeve, named after her mother, and Moora, I've probably said that wrong, and I'm sorry, Mura, who I'll talk a bit more about the kids later on as well, but they had three kids. When she was about 30, Gronia was widowed.

Donald was killed in an ambush while... Not those freaking Joyce. Oh, don't tell me it was the Joices. Well, it was an ambush while hunting in the hills surrounding Locke Corrib. This was undoubtedly part of Donald's wider struggle with the Joices for his control of Hens Castle on the Lock. So he's killed in an ambush. Those fucking Joyce's.

I don't know if it was them that killed him or just the fact that he was so obsessed with getting something. Yeah. I'm picturing the Joyce is like, remember in Billy Madison, the O'Doyles? Yeah. O'Doyle rules! Joyce's rule! Yeah, that's a big Joyce vibe.

Yeah, yeah. O'Doyle rule. So Gronia was unable to inherit O'Flaherty's land, so she returned to and settled on Claire Island, her family's land. This is often portrayed as her being forced out, despite her leadership abilities owing to misogynistic laws. But under the same laws, a woman was entitled to complete control of her own property. In contrast, under English common law, any property belonging to a woman automatically became the property of her husband on marriage, and the wife was granted a life interest in a percentage, usually a third of all property following his death. That's what I was saying before.

So at least she had her family's land to go back to. I think this is why England was so keen to take over Ireland because they just weren't doing it right. Yeah. They kept like letting people own stuff rather than letting the queen own everything. We're just not really comfortable with this. So we're going to invade. This is a little bit icky.

I don't like it. You're just like, I don't know. You're just like living your lives and like building your wealth. And that's like cool, I guess. but also, oh, I'm uncomfy. Yeah, we're going to put a stop to that. We're going to put a stop to that. I think really what should happen here is the Queen should own all this

and kindly rent it to you. I think that's the only fair thing to do. It just seems the most fair. So. She needs underfloor heating. She's cold. In like a thousand rooms. Yeah.

She's only in one at a time. Yeah. For fuel, we'll use some of you. Yeah. Just the poor ones, though. Just the poor ones. Which is going to be all of you after what we do. Honestly, what an honour for you.

You're so lucky you're hating the Queen's feet. The Queen's Tootsies are warm, thanks to your bones. So she went back to the place she'd grown up and continued the family business of piracy. Gay. It's like it's a second career, second stage in life. Yeah, except when you're 30. You know, you're so close to death. You may as well take up some piracy, I guess.

You're now alone. This is a 1500. Hot-heads gone. This is another quote, and I like how it describes it. It says an unsophisticated and opportunistic form of piracy was endemic in Ireland, comprising of short-distance raids along the coast or to the islands, levying tolls on passing shipping and plundering any vessel foolish enough to be unprotected. So they're just like, you're in my water, give me some money.

You don't have any protection. I'm going to take all your stuff. So, a bit of fun. It's hard to know exactly how much piracy she got up to in this time, but one story I read was pretty damn funny. There's a tale that pertains to a refusal of hospitality by the Earl of Houth. She arrived at Houth Castle one evening and was refused hospitality, which was a very serious slight in Irish culture.

As she was leaving, she encountered the air and subsequently kidnapped him. She was said to have been offered a significant amount of gold and silver that she turned down. Her terms were, leave a side door to the castle open and always have an extra place at the table because she was like hey I'm just passing by and the proper thing to do would be to

feed them and they were like no and she was like okay I'll kidnap your kid and they're like hey we'll pay for the child please she's like no just always have a table I just want my own tea and apparently the door is said to still be open to this day

it's like they've left it open I don't know how true that is now but It's a security risk. Yeah, big old risk. Love that. But I like that, that she's like, okay. I love that that she was willing just to kidnap a kid. Didn't hurt the kid.

And then was she like, honestly, though, once I give the kid back, you might lock the door. So what I'm going to do is keep the kid forever. Yeah. That's my kid now. But let me in or he gets it. Yeah. But don't lock me in. Yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa.

That's why the door's left open. Yeah, it feels like the gamble there, right? Yeah. The door's open. There's a seat at the table and then they kill you in while you're eating. After all that, do you want to sit at the table and share a meal with them? Terrible company. That'd be so awkward.

Especially if the boy is there. Yeah, and he's still a bit shaken. He's just looking at you like, oh no, she could grab me at any second. Understandably quite nervous and upset. She has short hair. Yeah, that is scary. She's just like, wow, isn't this pheasant delightful? Yeah, yum, yum.

More potatoes, please? Ridiculous. Another thing we don't really know for sure is the size of the fleet she used. Estimates vary from 5 to 20 vessels at any one point. Most would have been small, fast, maneuverable, awe and sail-driven craft, perfect for hugging the coast but unsuitable for the open sea. And that's sort of the main type of sailing she did,

was sort of hugging the coast there. But when I say like, oh, 5 to 20 small ships, I think, based on other reading, These were ships that held 100 people. Like she'd have 100 soldiers or sailors on board each ship. It doesn't sound that small. No, it's pretty big. Pictureing like a little speedboat.

Yeah, I was like a little tinny or something. These are like, these are big, she's got a fleet of ships. Going on with like a baseball bat saying, I could hit this boat pretty hard. Yeah. If I were you, I'd give me a lot of money. Like I was initially picturing bigger ships, but then you said they were just little ships. So then I picked her. I over cracked it, went too small.

Yeah. Somewhere in between. Yeah, just start there. I just stay there, I reckon. Big, big ship. You know, pretty big. Not like a cruise liner. Okay.

You know? There's no pool deck. There's no pool deck. How many water slides did she have? She did have three water slides, though. Yeah, okay. On each ship. Amazing.

And they were all different. So as a crew member, you really wanted to like, you know, spend a bit of time on each ship. Yeah, you never get bored. Yeah, it's very exciting stuff. She allegedly took a shipwrecked sailor as her lover Somewhere around this time as well I love that phrase

Took him as her lover Took him I've taken a lover She would have literally probably taken it Did he have any choice in the matter Yes I think so Okay She didn't kidnap his son

Do you want to stay shipwrecked Or I'll take you as my lover She's like I've got a wife This rock Yeah well then shipwrecked it is Bye Start sailing off.

No, no, no. Sorry, babe. Kisses to the... Kisses rock, goodbye. I love you forever. Coconuts and... Yeah, pretty anatomically correct this rock. Coconut boobs.

Coconut boobs, yep. Full coconuts, half coconuts. Half coconuts. Okay, okay. A modest lady. So the affair only lasted a brief time as he was killed by the McMans of Ballyvoy. What? Those dastardly McMans.

MacMarns. Seeking vengeance, Gronier attacked the McMarns Castle of Duna in Black Sod Bay. That's fun to say. And killed her lover's murderers on Kehir Island. Cahir Island. But she wasn't completely satisfied with her revenge over her murdered lover. And she sailed for Ballyroy and she sailed for Ballyvoy and attacked the garrison at Duna Castle, overpowering the defenders and taking the castle for herself.

Yeah, I think that's fair. Her attack on Duna Castle earned her the nickname Dark Lady of Duna. Oh. Is that where Duna's come from? I would assume so. That's cool. And we thank them for that.

Bloody hell they're snuggily. Lady of Duna. That sounds a little bit sexy. Dark Lady of Duna. Yeah, it's a bit sexy, isn't it? Duna's and duvay is the same. Yeah. It's two different words for it, really.

It's a beautiful language. Isn't it? It's fascinating. Where do they call it? call them duvets? Is that England? I think so. And an island they call them Dunas maybe. I don't know what

Americans call them. Probably call them flippity flaps. Probably. No, they'd call them something like Bair coverings or something. But it's not a quilt, but you'll get a quilt cover which is a doona cover. Hmm.

Hmm. That's a thinker. It's a thinker. Two questions on this episode. Why can't you ring a banana on a boat? And what are people from North America are called Duvee slash Dunes? Yeah. If I think there was some way we could find out.

No. We must be told by our listeners. It's the only way. In 1566, Grosnia married for the second time. Her new husband was Richard Burke, another nobleman. And one of the more persistent legend states that Gronia's marriage to Richard was provisional for one year. And at first I was like, I'm not sure what the benefit to either.

of them is with this arrangement. But I think from what I've read, this was sort of a thing you could do back then. It was like trial a marriage. Right. You could sort of, you'd get married because you probably didn't date for many years and then get married. It was sort of, you know, it was more of like a transaction kind of arrangement. So they'd get married and they'd see how it goes.

Try before you buy. Exactly. Love that. Little trial marriage. Bit of fun. So there's a story about him coming home to his castle a year after they married to find his clothes packed and the doors locked. But other stories of their later life

says they presented themselves as a married couple all the way up until his death and upon his knighthood she took the title Lady Burke and accompanied him to official functions. History Island.com says it is possible given the fiery personalities of both partners that Richard upset Gronia and found himself

temporarily barred from the house. So it could have just been a bit of a lover's tiff. She's like, nah, you're out. You're out, mate. I've packed your clothes. Fuck off. That's so funny. I love Burke as a name.

Burk's good. Lady Burke. I don't know if this is a common thing, but I remember when I was a kid living in country, Victoria, adults would call sort of no good people burks. Oh, the burke's down the road. Yeah, that rings a bell.

Yeah. But I haven't heard that in such a long time. I don't know where that came from. Yeah, that's the thing. Oh, you're Burke. Stop being a burke. I wonder where that comes from. Yeah, I haven't heard that.

than ages. The burks down the road. Yeah, that'd be right. That's burks. Actually, it turned out to be the Burke family. Yeah. Your family just had a feud with them. Every town had a Burke family.

Oh, no, the Burks have moved in. Oh, the lady burks here. It is a very common name, I suppose, too, isn't it? So maybe it is. Maybe your family just didn't like the burks down the road. It's possible. How weird. That's something that was so deep in the back of my brain.

I've completely forgotten it. I don't think I've heard anyone say it for decades. No, no. How funny. So the birth of the couple's only child, Tibot, is also the stuff of legend. Apparently he was born on one of Gronia's galleys, on one of her ships.

The following day, the ship was attacked by Algerian pirates, and Gronia is said to have risen from her bed and headed into battle. Day after giving birth. So she has three kids. So four kids. During Gronia's lifetime, Ireland underwent tremendous social and political upheaval.

The old Gaelic laws and customs, present at her birth, was swept away by the time of her death, as the Tudor reconquest of Ireland took hold. Queen Elizabeth I feared her enemies, including King Philip II, the Second of Spain, and Pope Pius V, would use Ireland as a back door to attack England. This doesn't make sense. They're not attached.

But I guess you get Ireland first. Yeah, you set up in Ireland. Yeah, you get like a beautiful... port going yeah then you're nice and close you can just get in there it's so sad

yeah it really is um english magistrates were carrying out queen elizabeth the first's policy of divide and conquer in island these magistrates would reward one chieftain with land and various gifts

for help in suppressing another clan the English considered troublesome so they'd sort of they'd bribe and and manipulate for gronia the reconquest of Ireland resulted in immense personal hardship and loss. In 1577 or 78, the Earl of Desmond took it upon himself to advance Elizabeth the first's agenda and managed to capture Gronia and imprison her in Limerick for over a year.

Desi, dog. Desi, fucking dog. My family used to talk about, oh, you bloody Desmond. Fucking Desmond over here. Desmond down the road. The dirty Desmond. My fucking Desmond. He's imprisoned in Limerick for a year, then moved to Dublin.

where she remained a captive. She was finally released, owing to good behaviour, but more likely, there's two different versions here. It was either through the efforts of Sir Henry Sidney, who was the Lord Deputy of Ireland, who had met Gronier years before and admired her, or it might have been that she was aided by others such as Sir John Perrett,

an English aristocrat who objected the harsh treatment of the Irish, which was a bit of a... He was in the minority for being in English, She was objecting to that treatment of the Irish. So one of those two men helped her, and she was released. In 1584, the English naval commander Sir Richard Bingham was appointed governor of the area where Gronier and her extended family were located. Bingham was one of the new breeds of Puritan military men in the service of the queen, says author Anne Chambers. Anne Chambers has written a big biography.

She's sort of like, I think, probably still considered the leading expert on. Grace O'Malley on Gronia's story. So she's written a big book about it. So I've got a few quotes from her throughout this now. But yeah, Bingham, he's like, he's a bit of a dick, to be honest. His mantra was, the Irish were never conquered by words, but by swords. And he put that into action. Key to complete control lay in undermining the traditional social structure of the Irish,

which was based on the concept of the clan and independent chieftain. So Bingham came in and began systematically dismantling the old structure through ruthless military campaigns, bribery and pitting one Irish lord against another. So he's just manipulating it. Going out and saying, oh, did you hear what Desmond said about you last week? Oh, that's embarrassing.

I thought the Florida's were friends of yours, but not by how they're talking about you. Yeah, let me tell you what the burks down the road have been up to. He was especially antagonistic to Gronia, a woman, as he wrote, who had overstepped the part of womanhood. It was particularly upsetting that being had it out for her because Gronia's eldest son Owen had been murdered

following a dispute with Captain John Bingham, the governor's brother. So her son was murdered by this guy's brother and this guy's got it out for her as well. The Bingham's are all, they're shit-house. Bingham's are no good. Not in this story. Punch a pricks. So determined to avenge the murder of her son, Gronia went into rebellion. She was captured by Bingham and later testified that he caused a gallows to be built

where she thought she would end her days. So he's just being a real piece of shit. Such was Gronia's importance as a leader that on hearing of her capture, the Irish chieftains came together and gave hostages to ensure her release. So they did like a swap to get her out. Bingham retaliated by confiscating Gronia's extensive cattle and horse herds,

driving her off her land and forcing her to live on her ships. Cow stealing, that's nice, doing a bit of Irish culture. Yeah, it's beautiful. A pastime. that we can all... Drove her off her land, took her castle. That's nice.

I'm doing this as a tribute to you. Yeah. I'm just trying to assimilate. I'm new here. I'm English. You guys are Irish. I'm just trying to be like, one are you.

But the tipping point for Gronia occurred in 1593 when her youngest son, Tibot was captured by Bingham and was charged with treason and imprisoned in a flown castle. In order to save her son's life, Gronia decided to embark

on the most dangerous voye voyage of her career, a journey which involved sailing around the south coast of island through the Straits of Dover and up the Thames to Greenwich Palace to seek a meeting with Queen Elizabeth I read elsewhere that her other son and her half-brother were also captured, so a lot is at stake for Gronia right now. And she is pissed. Obtaining an audience with the Queen was no mean feat, and Gronia had to utilise her shrewd political skills in order to successfully navigate the channels of the Tudor court. English state papers from the period gave an insight into the administrative process

Gronia had to go through. So she had to write a petition to the Queen, which was written on Gronia's behalf by a scribe in July of 1593 because Gronia didn't speak English and the Queen doesn't speak Irish. So it had to be sort of written for her. And Elizabeth the first sent Gronier a list of questions which were then answered and returned. So there's like all this paperwork she has to fill out.

What? A bit of a pre-interview. Yeah. That's fun. It was something like 15 or 18 questions or something like. It was one of them like, what do you consider your greatest weakness? Yeah, where do you see yourself in five years? So Gronia then met with the queen at Greenwich Palace wearing a fine gown

and the two of them were surrounded by guards and the members of Elizabeth's royal court. A few kind of badass things happened at this meeting. Number one, Gronia refused to bow before the queen because she didn't recognize her as the queen of Ireland. And she's like, I'm not fucking bowing. Is that one of the question is, will you bow? Will you bow? Tick yes or no. No, okay, I'm assuming that's a typo.

Yeah. It's the language barrier thing. No one ever ticks no. Why would you say no? I'm the queen, bow. It's also rumoured that she had a dagger concealed about her person, which guards found upon searching her. It's probably why she didn't want to bow.

I'll stab yourself. But Groni was like, oh, queen, I'm not here to hurt you. This is for my own protection. That's a letter opener. Yeah. I thought I might need to open a letter. And the queen was like, All your guts.

All your guts, Lizzie. I don't know. I'm just trying to speak in your language. This is what you sound like to me. Her interpreter is Jason's statement. But yeah, so she had a knife on her, and she's like, oh no, this is just for my own protection. And the queen's like, fair enough.

You can have it. So the queen's fine with it. It's just not troubled by it. And the third thing, some also reported that Grongia had sneezed and was given a lace-edged tankerchief from a noblewoman. She apparently blew her nose into it and then threw the cloth into a nearby fireplace,

much to the shock of the court. And then she was like, oh, in Ireland, a used handkerchief was considered dirty and you destroy it. Which seems wasteful. Use tissues. You know what I mean? Yes, where's the Kleenex? Come on, you guys.

Anyway, so like I mentioned before, Gronia doesn't speak English, Queen Elizabeth doesn't speak Irish. So their conversation was conducted in their shared language, Latin. Oh, yeah. No. And that's another thing where people like,

Gronia must have been pretty well educated then to speak Latin. To be conversational Latin? Yeah. Fortius quo Fidelius. Yep. Strengths through loyalty. The saint's motto. That's nice.

The extent of the Latin, oh no. So have you said that to the Queen, strength through loyalty, she'd probably be like, oh, cool thing. Oh, I'm impressed. Okay, you're saying that we should be loyal to me. Thank you. Oh, an ally. Or she'd say, sorry, that sort of sounded Latin.

Yeah, what? Said it a bit weird though. What are you saying? I actually go for Essendon. It's so embarrassing. After much talk, the women came to an agreement that included that Elizabeth would remove Bingham from his position in Ireland, and Gronia would stop supporting the Irish Lord's rebellion, pledging 200 men and her fleet to Elizabeth, to Elizabeth the first service in keeping peace in Ireland.

So she's like, I'll back off. stop fucking shit up and Liz is like thanks so much I'll get Bingham out of there and you can have your stuff back Oh Bingham's gonna hate this Oh yeah of course

Is he like Elizabeth I think You're actually overstepping the boundaries of womanhood Okay Elizabeth I first have you got your period You're acting crazy But this arrangement obviously didn't last long Several of Gronia's other demands Including the return of cattle and land

That Bingham had stolen from her remained unmet and Bingham took his sweet-ass time releasing the prisoners. He was certain that Gronia would not keep her side of the bargain, and she proved him right by lending her ships to the Irish rebels at the outbreak of the nine years war in 1593. Although contrary to the 20th century claims, there is no evidence she fought in that war herself on either side.

But she definitely provided them with ships, and she seemed to have encouraged her sons, at least Tibbet, to fight for Elizabeth won against the Irish. So it's, they're not really sure. So I think she gave boats to one side and a son to the other side. And like, and that I think is, um, that sort of soured her reputation amongst later Irish historians. And I think partly that might be why she was sort of a bit written out of Irish history, but a lot of English records had mention of her.

Yeah. And so it sort of came out much later that all, all the things that she'd done. I had such deja vu going on when you're talking about that meeting with the queen. Have you told that story in another episode? For some reason? No. Not this particular meeting, no. Yeah, I just remember there being an Irish...

I don't know, maybe I've... I mean, it's also possible I've done this exact report before. I wouldn't know. I have no idea. Maybe, yeah, maybe I'd just heard that story before. Yeah, maybe. I do have a book at home that's about... It's called Rebel Women.

Ah. And I think there is a chapter on her. Maybe I'm saying. starting to think. I was thinking you were going to say, I've got a book at home of people who have fucked over the queen because you hate the queen and you would love to read

those stories. I think you're about to say you had a book on Rebel Wilson. Yeah. So we all had different thoughts? Yeah, we all had different thoughts. You really just think I love a non-sequitur so much. Anyway, I've been dying to tell you about this. Rebel Wilson book.

This feels like a good as opportunities I'll get. That's fucking great. I love it. So Bingham proved reluctant to complete. with his monarch's wishes, realizing that his adversary had been granted leave to return to sea without having to provide hostages or, you know, good behaviour, he ordered troops to accompany her and stationed a detachment on her land, obliging her to feed them. So he's just put like a bunch of troops on her land and now they're there, so she's, you know, as per customer at the time,

she has to provide for them all, which put her on the brink of poverty. So Grunier, again appealed to Elizabeth, her friend, the queen. In 1595, she sailed to London, where she requested to be allowed to secure my life. A commission was appointed to investigate her claims, and Bingham, fearing new charges, which had just been laid against him, fled to England and was imprisoned.

So she kind of went, I guess, dobed on him. Yeah, good. And again, it's one of those things where it's like, it's kind of hard to fill in a lot of these gaps because it is so long ago and it's not like we don't have diary entries and we don't have pictures

and stuff like that so it's an interesting one. I'm not surprised Dave was a fan of dobing like a big dobing energy. Yeah. You would have been a dibba-dobber. Dobbing, that's okay. Snitching?

Snitching's all right, but then... Snitching's all right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I'm like, that makes sense. You dobb on this guy who's being a dick, but then his plan of having charges laid against him then going to the country that's laying charges to get imprisoned. Yeah, he's a bit dumb. What a dumb shit.

If you're going to flee, go somewhere else. Yeah. Where are you thinking? Mexico. Meldives. Oh, that'd be nice. Very expensive though. Yes, it is.

But worth it. Oh, worth it. I'd love to do that just once. Do you want to go? Do you want to go? Only if you marry me. Okay, maybe for our honeymoon. I'll book out 600 sweets.

600 sweets. for my sweets. I've got 600 of them. I'm very tired. So not too much is known about the final 10 years of her life. She continued to be a target by both the English

and those fighting the English. It's believed that she died of natural causes in 1603, which would mean she made it into her 70s. Great. Which is a great innings. So when she had that second career at 30,

she wasn't that close to death, but she didn't know that obviously. No, I mean, yeah, Her husband had already gone. No guarantees. Following her death, Gronius' accomplishments were written out of the historical records, and only folklore kept her memory alive.

Anne Chambers explains, succeeding generations of Irish historians wanted to portray Gaelic womanhood in a certain way. Gaelic women had to be patriotic, usually Roman Catholic and charitable. Grace O'Malley, as she says, however, who had challenged the social, religious and political conventions

and who did not readily conform to the patriotic, god-fearing and dutiful picture of Gaelic womanhood promoted by later generations of historians was consequently airbrushed from history so she didn't match what felt good so they were sort of like, no, don't worry about her.

But there were, however, records of her in English state papers without which the details of the details of Gronya Nuala life would not have been survived so we wouldn't know this story. In the past 40 years, Gronia's life has received increasing attention from both commercial and academic sources.

Anne Chambers' book has played no small part in reviving interest in the so-called Pirate Queen, who has since inspired songs, artwork, plays, a short film and numerous videos about her life. And she is regarded today as one of the most significant figures of the 16th century, Irish history. Here's what Anne Chambers says about her findings about Gronia. She says, I set out to find the woman behind the image of the pirate queen. and what a woman she was.

As well as a leader of private army by land and sea, intrepid seafarer, rebel, pirate, political tactician, Grace O'Malley was also a daughter, wife twice over, mother of four children, divorcee, lover, a grandmother and a matriarch. One would have to say, some woman for one woman. That's pretty good, but she was patting there. Yeah. A daughter?

A daughter. That's pretty unique for her. A human. Mother. Grandmother. Person. Person. Brunette.

Pisser, shitter. Yeah, she did all those. She ate food. She did it all. It's a lot of women for one woman. What's the final line again? Some woman for... Hang on, what was it?

It was some woman for one woman. That's some woman for one woman. I think a lot of women for one woman makes more sense, isn't it? a lot of woman for one woman. Yeah, you know, like, that's a lot of things to accomplish, and it was just one person. Yeah. Even though the last seven were daughter, divorcee, mother, lover, um, uh, lica. Other things.

Uh, dog owner. Ferret owner. Ferretona. Ferretona. Um, uh, I guess at some point she probably bought milk. Uh, milk buyer. Yeah. Shopper.

Shoppy. Shipper. Shipper. Shipper. So there you go. That is the story of Grace O'Malley, the Irish Pirate Queen. That's some woman for one woman.

That is fantastic. I think you should call his episode Some Woman for One Woman. And I think people go, oh. Oh, I know. Gronia? Is Gronia? Sounds like Amelia.

It sounds like a meal you're order. Groniwomen. I'll have the Some Woman for One Woman. I hope, to our Irish listeners, I hope that, you know, at least in part, was, you know, an attribute you wanted. It is a tough one. You know, when that's a story that's passed down in folklore, it's something that you probably know more intimately than what is sort of available to online

and for somebody who hasn't grown up there. I don't know. I'm very interested to hear if that was a story you knew quite well or if it's just sort of a name that is, you know, quite familiar to you. and again, apologies for probably butchering a few of those Irish places and names. But you had a go. I really tried. And I'm not laughing at you like American talk show hosts.

I don't think it's funny. I think it's a beautiful language. It just works in different ways to the language I speak. Very cool. I thought it was great report. I thought it was fantastic. So glad to hear. I really wanted to do that episode.

That's why I kept putting it up for the vote. Yeah, it won with like 50. something percent of the vote this time. Yeah. Really took it out. Well, so glad to finally hear about her life. But I think that brings us to everyone's favorite section of the show. Where we thank a bunch of our supporters who make this show possible without them, I don't think we'd exist.

We couldn't. So I really enjoy spending the last half an hour or so of each episode. 30 to 40 minutes. giving them the love they deserve 30, 40 minutes each time. Some people say it's getting longer and longer. It's not getting longer. It's always been 30. I'm saying it is getting longer because you have to put this.

This is the best of the start of everyone. It's getting seven seconds longer. But if you want to get involved, you can sign up at patreon.com slash dogoonpod or dogoonpod.com. And, yeah, there's a bunch of different levels depending on your budget and all those sort of things and different rewards. different levels what are some of the rewards you can get there Dave we're doing three bonus episodes a month at the moment and have for a while so if you support us straight away you get a hundred and four at a certain level 140 bonus episodes we've already put out you can listen to all of those the back

catalog and then we'll put out three more every single month we'll also welcome you into the private Facebook group what many have described as the nicest corner of the internet the internet's lounge yeah it's a beautiful spot very gentle energy in there. You get to vote for topics and a topic like this that we want to do a lot. We'll put up a few times because we really want to get it in there. Yeah. Oh, isn't that funny that Matt had put it up before and I, yeah, and then I put it up this time

because we don't know what the others are. No, that's right. We keep it a secret. I actually had never seen this one on the hat, so that's why I was so interested to hear it. I knew nothing in that story. But I kind of like it when it's happened before where it's been something I've put up and so you've read like the elevator pitch of it and then one of you's done the topic and like, oh, I know about this.

And then I'm like, no, I know one time. tiny bit of it. So it's cool. Yeah, we love it. And you get to control, not control, but you get to contribute on what we talk about. Exactly. And another thing you get to do, if you're on the Sydney-Shaunberg level, you get to give us a fact, a quote or a question.

That's the section we're going to do right now. I think this one actually even has a little jingle go something like this. Fact quote or question. D-D. He always remembers the ding. It's a long ding. For this section. Thank you.

Not the first time I've heard that. Yes, it is. On the city of Schoenberg level, get to give us a factor quote or a question or a brag or a suggestion or whatever they like, really. They also get to give themselves a title. I read them out for the first time on the show. So, yeah.

Be gentle, is what you're saying. Yeah, I don't know. I'm so defensive about that. I'm like, hey, in case it sounds like I don't know what I'm talking about. All right. So the first one comes from Gary J. from the UK. Gary J.

Gaddy J. Dave, do you want to say Gary J? Hi Gary J. And Gary's given himself the title of amateur alternative fact finder. Ooh. And Gaddy J's...

So is that like a new category? Like I get to say if something's a fun fact. Does he get to say if it's an alternative fact? Oh, maybe, yeah. I like it. That's fun. So Gary has given us a fact writing just a new fact for

NC, possibly short for North Carolina. Probably. If you wanted to mix up the blue fire engine one. Okay. Okay. Is he saying that they have blue fire engines in North Carolina? That's very interesting. Gary goes on to say, in North Carolina there's a golf club where you can get

llamas to caddy for you. What? Scenic Sherwood Forest Golf Club is a 22-160-yard par three, 18-hole layout that is one of the best maintained courses in western North Carolina. Plus, there's shitloads of llamas around. What? But when you, when paying for the caddy, make sure you don't get fleeced. Stop me if you've heard this before.

He spelt heard, H-E-R-D. Oh my God, Gary, yes. And then said sorry for the puns. Never apologise for puns. I love to hear them because I think each time it brings me a little bit closer to understanding what a pun is. That's great. Presumably they've gone for a

Sherwood Forest, a Robin Hood themed. Yeah. And then they've gone with llamas. I love that. I don't remember seeing llamas in the animated Robin Hood. It was foxes, for sure. Yeah. Foxes.

In both senses of the word. Oh my God. Robin Hood could get it. That is very cute. I'm just looking up. They've got a 4.7 star radio on Google.com. That's pretty good. From 70 reviews, you can trust that.

Looks good. From 70 reviews, it's not bad, that's a bloody bad man. And then the second image you'll see. Lama, is it a llama? You better believe it. Lama! Carrying your shit. What if the, what if like while you're taking a swing,

Lama just wanders off? Yeah. I'm assuming you've got to walk the Lama around. And I've never had a catty, but, because like that's only at really, at fancy clubs, I think. You're not fancy? No. Do you want to come catty for you? Yes.

Okay. But no, one of the things caddies do is, like, give you help. Yeah. They give you advice and stuff. Yeah.

Like, what iron to use? Exactly. What club? How far to go and all that sort of stuff. But, yeah,

I wonder if the llamas are that well trained. Stomp three times for a three iron. Would you say caddy's a bit like a coach? Yeah, like an assistant coach

kind of thing. Yeah. I don't think caddies get enough respect. No, like the word caddy sort of puts them down a bit like it. Totally. Oh,

you're just a catty, just carrying my clubs. You're right, especially at a pro level. They're like, they're your teammate. Yeah. Yeah, I know the guy who was, I think it was an Aussie guy who was Tiger Woods caddy for a lot of his wins. And then he started cadding for Adam Scott

and Adam Scott won the Masters. It's like, I don't think that's a coincidence. Would you get paid all right as a caddy? Just looking it up now. I think you get a cut like 10% or something. Get fucked. I actually have no idea. That's a guess.

Top five highest paid caddies for 2020, Jimmy Johnson, $500,000. Oh, that's not bad at all. To spend your life touring around and walking on some of the most pristine golf courses. Yeah, every day, just a nice walk in the... But how God, imagine you got your Fitbit on.

Count those steps. Thank you very much. Love that. It's sort of like when you're... Like, because, you know, people will either volunteer or they get paid very little to like umpire or ref social sports, kids sports, like that but then if you're in the big leagues

imagine if like you're one of the best like tennis umpires and you just tour the world umpiring the big tennis championships what a joy that would be fucking sick that would be cool until you get yelled at tennis racket thrown at year oh yeah it's a terrible job actually and then I'm thinking of like football

umpires they run so far in a game they run so much god no thanks I like my sedentry job yeah well you you're Unlike Jimmy Johnson, who's been inducted into the caddy Hall of Fame. Are you fucking kidding me?

In August last year. Any llamas in there? Or alpacas or whatever? Not what I'm seeing. Okay, well not yet. Exactly. Are you sure Jimmy Johnson's not a llama? Well.

Have you confirmed? What species is Jimmy Johnson? That's one of the most searched terms, actually. That's fascinating. Gary Jay, you started a beautiful little tangent there. I enjoyed that very much. I'd call my llama caddy Arnold Lama. Like an Arnold Palmer?

That's great. And the drink? Yeah, which is named after him. I immediately went to drink and forgot it was after a golfer. Arnold Lama is very good. That's good. I would go Lama Dama Dama Dying Dong. Personally.

That's even better. Easily. Lama Domington Deng Deng. Pass us the... I love you, Lama Dama Dama. Dingdom. You are my best friend. I'd call mine.

Jimmy Johnson. Oh, that's good. That's good, too. Tribute. Jimmy the Lama Johnson. What would you call your llama? Let us know in the comments below. The next one comes from Colin Wright,

aka actually Lee Wright, part two, of the Bragg Brothers. Bragg brothers. Loving it. And... Take it on. Love a brag. Colin Wright's. A little while ago, my brother updated you on getting into grad school for marriage and family

therapy. Now I would like to add... a brag of my own. I work at a professional theatre in Sandy, Utah. I've been a stage technician for the last year and a half, but before the pandemic, I worked in lighting, and I'm studying lighting design in college. So I'm very happy to announce that after many emails and an in-person interview for a lighting position, I didn't, a lighting position I didn't get, and seriously considering leaving this job several times, I started work as a lighting board operator and day crew lighting tech last week

at the same theater. It's been awesome. I love every minute of lighting and legitimately can't believe I'm getting paid to do it sometimes. That's great. That's so good. So that's Lee?

Writing that? That's Colin. So was it Colin that bragged last time and this is Lee? What was the title was actually Lee? Oh my gosh. It is actually Lee. Is that right? Yeah.

Yeah, cool. So you understood what that mean. Yeah. So Colin was the one who was studying, got into the course and he was really excited about that. I remember that. And Lee doing lighting design. That's sick. Finally, Lee says, an additional fun fact.

My first lighting internship was when I first started listening to DoGo on and my first episode was the Wright brothers for semi-obvious reasons. I think he's a fan of flight. That makes sense. That's so cool. Lee Wright, Fan of Flot. Congratulations, Lee. That's huge. That's really exciting.

Congratulations, Lee. That's a really cool, like, I always like, every time you go to the theatre and stuff and you're like, all those lighting cues and all the, I'm actually always very interested in the stagecraft. Yeah. I mean, imagine without them, you'd hardly see anything. Yeah, that's so true.

I'm just looking on Google.com and Sandy, Utah, there's multiple theaters with a 4.9 star rating. Wow. Yeah, you're on them. Have that at least 70. Yeah, one of them has had 6.9,000 reviews. Whoa! That's enough to get a good gauge.

That's so many reviews. Yeah. That's the Hale Center Theatre. Is that your one? We'll never know. That's awesome. Let us know, Lee. Great job, Lee.

But there's many with high start. Thank you, Lee. Next one comes from Betsy N. Okay, captaining the charge of the lighten up brigade. Lighten up. Betsy is asking a question. writing. I guess this is a special...

I haven't read them until I've read them in case we don't have any good answers. This question stems from Matt's post in the Facebook group, the nicest corner of the internet, about favourite flowers. This is the kind of stuff we get up to in there. It's very gentle.

Because one of my favorites is the giant lilac in my garden, particularly during the spring bloom when it's just alive with honey and bumblebees. I love to sit under the bush, listening to and watching the bees, despite being slightly terrified since I'm allergic to being stung. Oh, my question to you is, do any of you have something silly like this that you have a love-hate

relationship with? Oh, I really thought this is going to go favourite flowers. And I had answers locked and loaded that you have a funny love-hate relationship with. Why? I mean, so many things, just depending on if I've eaten or not. Um, you know, then I can be very grumpy. Yeah. Suddenly hate things I love very much.

I've got, you just made me think that because when you're grumpy, you want a coffee. I've got to love a hate relationship with coffee. Yeah. I really enjoy the taste. Makes you shit yourself. I love the feeling. Well, a gentleman never shits. Make you shoot yourself.

You love the feeling of shitting yourself? No, no. I think you've misunderstood. I just love a lot. I like a bit of a buzz. Got a lot of this feeling. Here it comes. I love shitting myself.

But I, um, you've been very uncouth today, you too. I can't see any negative so far, Matt. Yeah, so far. So we've got the love. But it's the, and then, but the crash. I get a big coffee crash. Do you just have more coffee, idiot? That's a good point.

Never stop drinking coffee. Keep the buzz going. Yeah. When you crash, go to bed. I'd say the saints, they're another one. A bit of a love. I love them, but man, they hurt me sometimes. Yeah.

I would say the same for having. a puppy. He's fine now, but there's a solid year there of oh my God, you're trying to kill me. But I love you so much. That's very interesting. I don't think, I can't think of anything else.

I can think of one way you think. And that is there's a bakery near where I work and I love their pies so much. But so does everyone else. And they sell out often before midday. And I have this thing where I just think, just put more on. Make more pies.

This happens every fucking day. It's the terrible business model. Yeah, you're right. Because they could make so much more money. I find it so frustrating that they just don't put more. Like there is clearly a supply and demand going on. You've found out what the demand is. Increase the supply.

So I don't get there at 1155 and they go, sorry, we're all out of hot food. Would you like a sandwich? No. No, I wanted a pie. I wanted a pie. That's what I came for. When I get the pie, because it is sort of 50-50 whether you get one,

It is kind of more satisfying. Yeah. And just yesterday, I got the last pie. The last pie. Which was great. But then, as I'm walking out, someone said, do you have any pies? And the lady pointed to me and said, he just got the last one. Okay, no.

Don't. Don't. I'm going to get tackled in the street by this man. That's not fair. What kind of pie was it? It wasn't my second favourite. My favourite is their beef. Beef, that's sort of like a stroganov type thing in a pie.

But I got the chicken and mushroom. Okay. Which is very good. But yes, I find it so frustrated that they sell out. They sell it every day. I mean, I don't know what beef stroganoff is, but it's a great name. Sounds fun to say, isn't it? Beef stroganoff.

Yeah. Oliver Clark uses it in one of his classic routine. He does. Beef stroganoff. That's right. Thank you. That was a good question, Betsy. Great question.

Yeah, we had. Sometimes the questions like that, we battle to come up with anything because we haven't done any pre-thinking. But we, I think. I think we gave you something there, Betsy. All right? You're welcome. Okay. Okay.

Thank you so much for the question. I love the... I'm a big fan of the questions. Yeah, me too. I'm a fan of all of it. I like it when they brag. I like the variety. Yeah.

Well, if you like a brag, and I love this last one. It's from Jacob Hiron. Is that a soft Gerey? I think we do this every time. Every time. The softest Giron. Jacob Giron.

Jacob Jiron. Jiron. Jiron. Jiron, son. Two Jiron. Jacob is a K. JFK's long lost son, Mr. Resident. Mr. Resident.

I don't think I get it, but I love it. He's taken the payoff. Mr. Resident. Happy birthday. Mr. Resident. Um. I'm so tired and I'm losing my mind. Jacob Braggs.

Hey guys. I am once again hoping Matt said my name the French way, which once again is the best way. I'm here with a brag this time. By the time you're reading this, my fiancé and I will have completed our first ever LA marathon. Oh! Congratulations.

26.2 miles. Far out. Dave, what's that in K's. It's 42 something for a marathon? Yeah, which I reckon that's even more, right? Yeah, we do 42. Something right? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I think so.

Oh no, I don't know. No, it's less. Whatever. Because it's 1.6 times. Yeah. Anyway. I will confirm that it is the same distance. Okay. 26.2 is 42.195 kilometers.

Oh, yeah. Great. I do not understand maths. I was doubling it in my head. and that was equaling 42 when it's actually 52. And I'm like it's less than, whatever. No one needs to hear my working out for some I got wrong. Do you want to know how many nanometers it is? Yes, please.

No, no, you don't. That's big for me. Jacob goes on. Training has been grueling and I will never be running again. Yep, fair. I listen to you guys a lot on my runs because the laughter dulls the pain. Oh. I wanted to say, congrats to Dave on his.

marriage. Thank you. My invite must have been lost in the mail. Well, the good news is that soon I'll be marrying you as well as everyone else. Wow. Surely Matt and Jess can stop with the V-jerk's. Absolutely not. How dare you?

You're making a real assumption there, Jacob. Yeah, really, I honestly wouldn't be making that assumption. It's going to happen, guys. I believe in him. No, that's a, nah. Anyway, sorry for such a long message. Keep doing what you guys do, and most of all, keep it saucy. Cheers.

Keep it saucy. Cheers to you, Jacob. Love your catchphrase of keep it saucy. Thank you, Jacob. Lally Marathon. Congratulations. Yeah, huge. That's an amazing effort.

Well done. Another thing we like to do, Bob, is shout out to our other great support. As you normally come up with a bit of a game. Something to do with the topic. Maybe what they're the queen of. Yeah, that I was thinking. What they're the royalty of. Great.

Love that very much. Well, if I can kick it off, if you don't mind. Please. I'd love to thank from High Wickham in Western Australia. Tamara Potts. Tamara Potts is the queen of paper. Oh, paper queen. Oh, okay.

A bit of origami going on here? Yep, bit of everything. Bit of collage on the go. Sort of like the genie Pratt of Western Australia. If you're like, think of the many different types of paper, queen of all of them. Wow. Toil paper.

Crape paper Tissue paper Printing paper money Low GSM, high GSM Yes All of those things Yep So it's actually

Paper mashet That's correct too So yeah it's actually a pretty big deal Not magazines though Not magazines Liquid paper Liquid paper Yes

Yep Paper weights No Absolutely not How fucking dare you Got new tomorrow ball Paperview. Sorry, I just saw...

It's a box of paper up there and I saw it. I panicked and neither of you were helping. It's fun to watch you panic. It is fun, actually. It's fun to panic. I'd also love to thank from Trierki. Apologies for the pronunciation in Great Britain. Chris Williams.

Chris Williams, King or Queen of the Desert. Oh, that's good actually. Yeah, I've got a real mummy vibe about that. Yeah, I love that. I could just go with Monarch of the Desert. Yeah, the Monarch. That's good. Otherwise it goes...

King or queen is too long. Yeah, let's just make a monarch. Bow down to me. I am the monarch of the desert. King and Queen very gendered also. You know? Let's go with monarch. Yeah, they should have called him the Scorpion monarch.

Oh, that's fucking good. Because I was thinking, do you remember that? There was like a Sunday night ABC kind of program called Monarch of the Glen. Yes. What was? Yeah, it was like a... That's sort of like a prodigal son kind of thing, having to come back. to look after is country estate.

And it was, you know, a wacky group of misfits. That kind of classic. It feels like I could go before or after Foils War. Yeah, yeah. And finally for me, I'd love to thank from, ooh, address unknown. Can I assume deep within the fortress of the moles. Chris Smith. Back to back, Chris, is that feels good.

Monarch of the brick. Just names things she sees. But it sounds fun. Monarch of the brick. Monarch of the brick. Should I stop? Is that just a single brick? Or does that mean something else?

Well, the single brick is like a special brick. And it's more of a symbolic brick. Yes. But it symbolises all brick. Wow. Do you have to like bow to or kiss the brick or something? No, they put a hat over the brick. A small hat.

And the brick is technically the monarch. But somebody has to carry that. Yes. Brick around. My lord. Lord Brick. Lord Brick. Chris Smith, Monarch of the Brick.

So sorry, Chris. It was a bit of fun, wasn't it? Thank you, Chris. I'd love to thank some people, if I may. I'd love you too. I would love to thank from Swonston in Great Britain. Chris, Heather. Another Chris.

Three Chrises in a row. Three chrises. That's amazing. All right, let's say. Monarch of the Scott. Monarch of the sky. Sky Monarch. Yeah, yeah, that's a big jurisdiction.

They're huge. Do you know what? You know how, like, Dave, you might notice this? If you're walking your dog and they, like, come across another dog's shit, they'll piss on it. What? They pee where other dogs pee to sort of, like, mark their territory and sort of be like, overpower that smell. Something piss on shit. No, Humphrey won't piss on shit.

He'll sniff shit and then go, oh, yeah, and they keep walking. Goose will piss all over that. But sometimes Goose will stop and he always pees on bird shit. And I'm like, are you trying to dominate the sky? Wow. You can't. I mean, you've named him up for a bird. That's true, actually.

Oh, he's probably confused. He probably thinks he's a bird. Or does he think it's like, is he sort of like a big kev cleaning kind of guy? You know how white wine cleans red wine? Maybe he thinks piss cleans up shit. Yeah, and he's just trying to clean up the footpath. Yeah. So this is embarrassing.

Big Kev. Oh, I'm excited. I'm excited. Oh, be careful. Rest of peace. So Chris, Chris Heather, the monarch of the sky. It's a big territory, an important one. Yeah, yeah.

Does that include space or is there like a point where... No, it's up to the, just the atmosphere. The sky's got a ceiling, come on. Stratosphere, maybe. The question is, what happens when the sky's over the desert? Because we've got two chrises, both vying as monarchs. Yeah, yeah. Obviously, there's a border between the two.

That's right. Yeah, where is that? Where's the border? No, Alastair Trombo, Bertrandall and Andy Matthews in one of their shows had a joke about the sky starts like a centimeter off the ground. Is that one of their engineering shows? They're so funny. Very funny. Who else would you like to thank, Popper?

I would love to thank from Margaret in MA, Massachusetts. I reckon. Margaret. I would love to, oh wait. Was it Maryland? No. Oh. I think that's MD, Marilyn.

Yeah, I think it's MA. I would love to thank Margaret Krupp. Maine, maybe? Margaret Krupp. What a name. Sorry, we missed that, didn't we? Margaret's from Margaret. Well, I'm thinking, because I'm trying to Google Margaret M.A.

And I don't know if, I don't know if it's a place. Margaret from Margaret. It's Massachusetts. Yeah, and that's what I fucking said. And you never trust me. It's interesting because alphabetically it should have gone to Maine, but obviously massachusetts it's was more powerful Margaret Krupp, how good is that name?

Margaret Krupp, I love it. I'm going to bow out a little bit of my naming things because I am just giving them shit things from around this room. What about? A monarch of the beasts. Ooh, yeah. Is that like all kind of animals or is this in a sort of a parallel world? Just beasts. Okay.

So I think of an animal and I'll tell you if it's a beast. A cow. Yeah, okay, big one. Yeah, big cow is a beast. Small cow, fuck off. Lion? Beast. Bear.

Beast. Beast. Dog. One bat. Too cute. Okay. Echidna? No.

Okay. So just big animals. They're quite big. What about Knuckles the Echidna from Sonic the Hedgehog? Okay, it's a beast. What about Sonic the Hedgehog? Beast. Okay.

Simba, the lion. Small beast. When he's small. When he's a child. He will become a beast. Future beast. Nala the lion when she's hot. Beast.

Yeah. Fuck, she was hot. Tell you what Geez Their chemistry Just popped Right off the screen I had

A Cimbra and Nala toy Like two plush animals And they had magnets in their noses And you could stick their noses Together like they're kissed That was a toy for children It's weird Make them kiss

Why? Why'd you do that? Make those lions kiss Yeah May those children Lions kiss Oh they're the children Yeah it's just like kidvirt

That's fucking weird Isn't it? It's not weird Just thought of that. Yeah, why did I have that? What a strange toy choice. That explains why you've turned out how you have. You also make them like, you just make him kiss the fridge and hang on.

It's like a lion coming out. That's what we all wish we could do. Kiss that fridge. You can stick a magnet on your lips, make them kiss you. Yeah. Thank you to Margaret Krupp. And finally for me, I would love to thank from Dublin in Ireland, Graham Monaghan. Oh, this is great.

Obviously, we had a very Irish theme this week. And I think, Graham, you've got the Monaghan spelling of my family as well. Ooh, could be a Ralello. Graham Monaghan, monarch of the seeds. Oh. Which ones? All of them. Sea or seed?

Sees. Okay, cool. Just checking. And seeds. Seed and seeds. Okay. Oh my God, both. Yeah.

Because there's so many types of seeds. So a lot of Graham's jurisdiction. includes bird shit. What's the seed in there? A lot of seed in there. But also, like, tops of bread. Does Graham's jurisdiction end when a seed becomes a plant?

Or does he then also sort of have jurisdiction over all crops? No, no, that's where it gets, yeah. He has it. He can take cash off you when it's, if you're trading seeds. Yeah. But not crops. Interesting. Okay.

Yeah. I wonder who's got the crops. Well, that's fine. Thanks, Graham. I'd love to thank now. Also from Location Unknown. Surname Unknown. Big shout out.

You know who you are. Callum. Callum. What about Monarch of Internet Privacy? Whoa. Obviously, very good of their job. Yeah. Maybe they have a VPN.

They have two. Wow. At the same time. Whoa. Wow. They cancel each other out. Yeah, it goes back to where they are. Your data is very accessible.

Calum, hey? Data is actually more accessible. Or is that what Callum wants you to think? Yeah, that's right. Because there's actually a third BPA. Wow. So good. That is good.

That is good. Good work, Callum. I would now like to thank from... Is this... From Wirral. Remember we had... I had someone who was Worrell from Wirral in a report once. Oh.

Wirral in Great Britain. Warl from Wiral. Are you related? We don't know because the surname is again unknown. It's Steph. Steph, monarch of your mum. Fucking got you. It's hard to know exactly what that means.

No, but mums no. Yeah. So, Steph's just the monarch of... Just of Steph's mum or of all mums? Yeah, I guess. No, she, because that's what Steph calls herself. She's, I'm the monarch of your mum. What are you the monarch of step?

Yeah, I'm the monarch of your mum. So it's all mums? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah. That's a lot of people. Uh-huh. Oh, that's a big job there, Steph.

Hope you're up to the task. Great work, Steph. I think maybe War off and Wirral was another shout-out we did, and I just loved it. Anyway, that name is stuck with me forever. Okay. And finally, I would like to thank from British Columbia in Canada. From the city of Victoria, it is Brandon Smith. Brandon Smith.

Second Smith today. Three Chris's, two Smiths. What a time we're having. All right, I'm going to, I'll... Jump back in, fine. Oh, okay, okay. No, I don't think I can. All I've got is, like, water bottle.

All right, one... So you can't think of anything that's not in this room. Yeah. One bit each, all right, Dave. I'll middle it here. Okay, I'll do monarch. All right. Of the...

Go on, Dave. Monarch of the... Blue Fire Brigade. Whoa. Well, did you... Were you going there already? I was already going to fire brigade. That's weird.

Just like in North Carolina That's crazy And every fire brigade needs a monarchs We all know Another fun fact about North Carolina I learned recently Was that there's a golf course there Called scenic Sherwood Forest

Golf course And their caddies there Are llamas Matt, that's a crazy fact Where did you hear that? Sounds made up I can't remember Okay wow

That sounds like an alternative fact I will not credit the source Credit the source What song? Cherish the foot. Cherish the... Oh, Madonna. Yeah.

Love that. All right. Well, there's no triptage inductees this week. So that brings us to the end of the episode. Well, you never book a band. I know. Don't worry about it. So, yeah, I think there will be some triptych inductees next week.

So, Dave, hopefully you didn't book a band either. Is there a band sitting out? No, there's a band every week for the people that are already in. Right. Who did you book this week? I booked, um, uh, Boyzone. Wow. Irish?

I believe so. You just went to Irish. Yeah, I was trying to think of an Irish band that wasn't you too. Yeah. They hate you too. What a beautiful tribute to the pirate queen. Pirate Queen. Pirate Queen, Boysone.

Couldn't even get Enya. I think we've had her before. Or be witched. Couldn't get be witched. Some people say I look like me dad. The cause. The cause. Boys are an opening for bewitched.

Fuck yeah. Say you will. Say you won't. Say you'll do what I want. Say you will. Say you will. Say you'll be. Now I also have another one.

The rain goes on and on again. It's a good one. That sounds great. Great work. And they're back together. They were together from 97 to 2012. but in 2012, they're reunited. Oh, that's good to hear.

I'm glad they sort of their shit out. About time. Come on, bewitched. And their album in 2014 was called Champagne or Guinness, which I believe is what we have on tap tonight. Yes, I've either got champagne or Guinness. Both on tap. Always a tough choice.

I like to mix the two. Guinness Shandy. Is that what a shandy is? No. Shandy's beer and lemonade, but a Guinness shandy is champagne and Guinness. So yes. There would be a name for that. Don't at me.

And... Don't drink it either. Yuck. Jess, is there anything we need to tell people before we go? Just that we love them. If they want to suggest a topic, they can do so. There's a link in the show notes and also on do go onpod.com. If you want to support the show, you can do so at patreon.com.

Forward slash do go on pod or dogoonpod. Apparently, Guinness and Champagne is called a black velvet. Oh, that's good. That sounds gross. Like, that's a thing. That doesn't sound good. Then again, people at the moment on TikTok are drinking. coffee and orange juice together.

Oh, that's worse. Yeah, so, I mean, coffee and orange juice. Who's drinking that? There's people on TikTok. You've got to get up TikTok worse. That sounds awful. It does sound awful. Being on TikTok, I mean.

Follow me on TikTok, Matt's your comedy. How are you going on there? You were doing one a day for a while? Since I smashed my phone, I haven't logged in. And that was about, that was a month ago. Okay. I've just got my phone fix. So you don't even know how many followers you've accrued.

Oh, my God, Matt. Imagine while you're not posting anything, they... You could be an influencer now, and you don't, even know. Fucking hell, Matt. Does that M mean million? One M. He's got one M followers.

Oh my God. That's amazing. Now Dave, but this baby home. Thanks so much for listening. Get in contact with us at do go onpod.com. Have a click around.

Enjoy yourself. I really just wanted to say shows over. So on our website, you can also find links to. We'll be back next week with another episode, but until then, So thank you so much, so much.

And goodbye. Later. Bye. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester. We were just in Manchester.

But this way you'll never miss out. And don't forget to sign up, go to our Instagram, click our link tree. Very, very easy. It means we know to come to you and you'll also know that we're coming to you. Yeah, we'll come to you. You come to us. And we give you a spam-free guarantee.