Do Go On - 348 - The 1907 Peking to Paris Motor Race

Episode Date: June 22, 2022

The week's episode is about the wild story of the Peking (now Beijing) to Paris motor race. Joining us for this epic adventure are Cass Paige and Joel Duscher from Sans Pants Radio, enjoy!Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: dogoonpod.com or patreon.com/DoGoOnPodSee us live in Sydney in September: https://dogoonpod.com/live-shows/  Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/ Check out our new merch! : https://do-go-on-podcast.creator-spring.com/Check out Cass and Joel's podcasts: https://www.sanspantsradio.com/Check out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​ Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:Geoff Tibballs ‘Motor Racing's Strangest Races’https://www.motorsportmagazine.com/archive/article/september-1997/57/1907-a-race-odysseyhttps://www.grunge.com/586510/peking-to-paris-the-crazy-true-story-of-the-1907-motor-race/https://peking2pariscar96.com/https://www.thevintagenews.com/2019/03/05/peking-to-paris/?chrome=1https://www.endurorally.com/peking-to-paris-1907/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenjai Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. Welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnocky and as always I'm here with Matt Stewart.

Hey Dave, so good to be here. Great to be here with you and also this week we are joined by Cass Page and Joel Dusha. Hello, hello. Hello, hello. Hello, we're in Sanspans HQ. Yeah, welcome. We're at your home. Yeah, I live here. This is my bedroom.

This is our crib. Yeah, welcome to MTV cribs. Yeah, no, thanks so much for having us. but also you're welcome for us having you. Yeah, we appreciate it. We're having each other at once. It's a podcast 69. It's a full-on podcast 69.

A podcast for two. It's a rare podcasting experience, but it does happen. Yeah. And you're listening to history right now, listeners. Dave, it's been quite a while since the douche has been on, probably to a lesser extent, Cass. When were you last on Cass? Ah, many moons, but only moons.

Yeah, only a few months, I reckon. But doosh, it's been years since the Ryan Gosling episode. Yeah, that was, It was like around episode 50 of Dugo and I think. Oh, we're closing it on 350. Jesus Christ. So, yeah, it's been a while. So your Gosling report really broke the internet.

You have to wait for a tour heal itself. But it's healed enough and we're back now. And Matt is going to tell you how this show works. Okay, so how it works, douche is one of Jess, Dave and I usually, Jess isn't here, so that's all fair around. Oh, no, I'm already up to a bad stuff. But one of us chooses a report, a topic based on us, usually a listener suggestion. And we'll go away and we'll learn about it.

We'll write up a little old school school report. And then we'll come back and we'll share it with the class, which in this case is the three of you. I'm doing the report this week. Great. Honestly, one day we'll get it really succinct by 350. That was one of my worst in a while. But to get on the topic, we ask a question. And the question this week is,

anyone can answer. Yep. And someone we believe is keeping score at home. So you could be on the... Yeah, you could get a point. You could be on a spreadsheet. Why? I'm my first ever point.

Because I don't think I've been on and do go on except when I did my own report. Which means... You had your own question. Had my own question. Yeah. So the question is, back in 1907, what was Beijing known as in Western Europe? Oh, Peking. Correct.

God damn. I had one chance and I blew it. Sorry. Well, you were scared off by the year. He wasn't around then. That's right. Oh, man, I wasn't alive then. So much trouble.

Fortunately, I was. So I remember that. It was back when Essen and were winning most of their premierships. Yeah. Very, very touchy subject at the moment. So let's move on. All right. So we're talking today about the 1907 Peking to Paris automobile race.

Oh. Oh, that's great. I'm not great with geography, but I'm good enough for geography to know that that's a long race. And 1907, not famous for having good cars. That's right. Or good roads. Now, I also am not good with geography.

The cars didn't have to be boats at any stage. No, they didn't know. Good, okay, I didn't think so. But I just wanted to check. No, I mean, it's the same question I asked when I saw the topic. I'm like, wait, hang on. That is all land, right? They're different countries, and our country is an island.

Everyone's country should be an island. Yeah. Russia connects Asia and Europe. I'm confidently saying, even though again, I am... That seems right from that as I'm remembering. You're bang on. They have to go through Russia. That's huge.

That's how they got there so fast. Ha ha. Russia. So this topic was suggested by Denzel Aravallo from Prontiprid, who has described this story as a romp. Oh, we love a rome. I love nothing more than a romp. But would you agree, is it a delightful romp? I think it's, well, yeah, it's definitely a...

Oh, no. It's falling. It's not delightful, but it's a pretty fun romp. If I had to guess, I would say that this is probably more, rather than a delightful romp, maybe a chaotic romp. It's chaotic. Yeah. Comedy of errors.

Are we in for a ride? Is it some sort of rat race? Yeah, it's a bit of a rat race energy. But, yeah, normally people who suggest topics, will write out a long description. They're the only two words Denzel gave us. Just a romp.

And I put up three topics, all different kinds of races. A horse race, a car race, and a plane race. And this is the one the patrons selected. Shout out to the do-go on patrons.

Car race, probably the most exciting of those three races, I would say. Especially when you're looking at 1907. Yeah, that's true. Well, I mean,

1907 plane race would be... The plane race was the most deadly option. Yeah. Yeah. Obviously, they didn't want to go that way. Neither did the planes. So I will, I think, throughout, refer to Beijing as Peking or Beijing, depending on the source or whatever, but it's the same place.

Apparently, it came from, it was one of those words that was, I think it was the Portuguese or someone like that. Yeah. Had a word that was similar to Peking and evolved in a Peking. And then after a while in the, I think in like the 80s or something, China was like, hey, why? It's Beijing. Yeah. And then finally, like, America and England started calling it Beijing in the 80s and 90s.

China might have been talking about it before then. I was always thinking it's such a funny, a funny thing where, and we've talked about it on the show before, the people are like, you can call your city whatever you're like. We're calling it this. It's so weird, right? It's strange. Yeah, it feels like it's their city. Let's just call it what they call it.

Ask what their name is. I feel like I want to call Germany, Deutschland, but I feel like you become, you seem like a bit of an asshole. It immediately feels like you're going to follow it up with it. Yeah, I've traveled. Yeah, I've been to

Barcelona. I've been abroad, studied. Go to like a, really lived. You should try it. A pizza hut restaurant or something. A margarita for me, please. A cappuccine. No.

Sorry? What? So. It says the 15-year-old behind the counter. The Peking to Paris race. I'm calling it a race. It sort of started out.

It wasn't necessarily meant to be a race. They called them raids. There was this French. Oh my God. That sounds way worse. It was more like the journey. They were just driving from point A to point B. If you made it, you succeeded.

It wasn't like first place. Second place. So it was more like a challenge. An insurance challenge. That's right. But this one sort of became a, a race. Some people still think of it more of a rate. Whatever. I'm calling it a race. So at this point in 1907, cars were only just starting to become popular in Europe.

You know, they'd been around for a few decades, but they're only things for the wealthy, really. Yeah. And this race was the first time cars made their way across some regions of Asia. So there were places they were going through where people were like, the fuck is that? Holy shit! Well, our map ends here, so I assume I'm going to be driving to the void. There's people here. The race or the course was a distance of around, depending on the source, 14 and a half miles or, sorry, 14.5 to 16,000 kilometres, which is around 9 to 10,000 miles.

Originally, because of the way you said it, I thought you weren't going to add the zeros. And I was like, I am really bad at geography if it turns out Paris and Beijing are 14 miles upon. Many city-to-city motor racers had been run over the previous few decades, but circuit racing was growing in popularity at this point. According to Britannica, the first Speedway purpose built for automobile racing was constructed in 1906 at Brooklyn's near Weybridge and Surrey, England. That was a 4.45 kilometre circuit.

Wikipedia, though, slightly contradicts this. I only bring this up for patriotic reasons. Because Wikipedia says that while Brooklyn's was the first purpose-built banked motor racing venue, Aspendale racecourse in Melbourne, Australia. A pear-shaped track was close to a mile in length was the world's first purpose-built motor racing circuit, which opened in January of 1906.

I'm believing Wikipedia. I love that. We did it. I thought I was braced myself for you to mention Bathurst or something. It turns out the first race track was in Bathurst. Yeah. Mount Panorama. It was like

Moses came down from Man Panorama It was chipped into like tablets Yeah The Conrod Strait The idea for the We bring up Bathurst so much on the show That's come up a lot, isn't it? It must baffle a lot of listeners

Yeah Well It'll baffle them Baffle Hirst No I reckon, yeah It's close enough to something

Any chance to bring up Brockie or Dick Johnson. I'll do it. I mean, Dick Johnson, come on. Great names. Penis, penis. Yeah. The idea for this race seemed to come as a response to these kind of new circuit race tracks.

The challenge was laid down in the Paris newspaper, or I should say, Paris. Yes, you've traveled. There you go. Spent some time abroad. Ah, yes. The newspaper Le Matta, which, or Le Matta, something like that. I think it means the morning. Dave's been in Paris recently.

Yeah, yeah, I remember a lot. But it's spelled La Matin, so I might say that wrong a few times. Anyway, so in LaMatta on the 31st of January 9-07, they wrote, probably in French, but anyway, the translation is, The supreme use of the automobile is that it makes long journeys possible. But all we have done is make it go round in circles. Also in pairs. Yeah. Yeah, in Australia, we were driving round in pairs.

What needs to be proved today is that as long as a man has a car, he can do anything and go anywhere. Is there anyone who will undertake to travel this summer from peaking to Paris by automobile? That was the challenge laid down. That is a very funny statement to read in the newspaper. Yeah. Do you reckon you would have taken things more personally back in the old times? Like if I read that, I would have been like, he is talking to me, but I'm saying no.

Yeah. But if someone was to say that in the magazine, magazine now, I'd be like, who cares? It's like a very powerful speech being like, almost talking like a car is like an animal, being like, this beast is caged.

Are you the man to set it free? And also like, claiming that a car can take you anywhere. It's like, all right, well, there's a reason you're going from Beijing to Paris rather than Beijing to L.A. Good luck going the other way. It's not going to happen.

But, heck, no one had done something like that before, had they? I don't think in this kind of length, there had been ones across Europe and stuff. But I don't think anything like this. So the race was sponsored by Le Matter, and the winner would receive a relatively modest prize of a magnum of mum champagne. Oh, okay, I was hoping it was going to be one ice cream.

A magnum. Now, am I saying that, right? Is it mum? Mum. Mum. I've always called her mom. We all say mum. I say mum. I'm so paranoid. I don't know why. More than anyone, French people correcting me on pronunciation. Because when I was in France, they were, everything was like, what do you?

It's not how we see it. But I guess. I had the exact opposite experience in my very short tenure in France where. You've traveled. Yeah, I traveled. Yeah, I went to. So I've been to France for one day. And that entire day, I spent at Disneyland Paris. I didn't see the Apple Tower. For the authentic experience.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I wanted to make sure I got as French as possible. So you'd like to see like a European castle built by Americans in Paris? Yes, that's exactly what I was looking for. So me and I think former guest of Dugo One at some point, Jackson Bailey, one of my co-hosts on Plumbing the Death Store and other podcasts, went to Disneyland. and he would just walk up to people. Anytime we had to interact with someone who'd just be like, oh, hello,

or I would try and be like, oh, bonjour, et cetera. And they would just immediately launch into French with me and I was like, you can clearly tell. Come on. So every time I have to be like, oh, in English, please. I'm trying to be polite, but I actually don't know what I'm doing. Yeah, it was good. So yeah, I wish instead they were like, mm-mm.

So have you learned how to say Splash Mountain in French? No, there was, so we had the purpose. So we had the perfect day in Disneyland. Montsblosch. Oh my God. Where were you? You would have been the perfect guide. Yeah, it rained all day prior to I was getting there, so there was no one there.

We didn't have to talk to anyone, really, except for when we're ordering food, and then it was always a disaster. Le turkey leg. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, hamburger? Buf. Best word in French. Boof, yeah, I love buff. That's where we got beef as well, I think, isn't it?

I think they brought it over. Buf. Buf. All right, so they get the magnum of champagne. Big race for, and they have to pay for the privilege of entering as well. Where's that money going if not to the price? Yeah, I'm not sure. Because you've got to, anyway.

Yeah, it's getting sponsored. Is this laundering? Yeah. It does feel a bit like, because, you know, you're probably paying for your own car as well. Yeah, that's right. You pay for your petrol. Yeah, you pay for everything. You pay to enter.

You pay to travel. You pay the funds going to. Oh, tracking them probably. Yeah. How? I don't think, I don't know. How? Was there someone else there that was like, I'm not in the race.

I'm just driving alongside you so I could keep pay attention to who's winning the race? But I guess there's not really. I guess you can't cheat. How do you cheat in that instance? Cars, they don't know they can do that yet. Well, no, I mean. You jump on a train. Jump on a train.

That almost feels like foreshadowing. Yeah, but then you get on the other side and you're like, fuck, I forgot the car. This is going to literally sussing on across the finish line. You're miming it. Everyone's just like doing the thing with their hands for wheels. And they all feel too silly to point it out. And prison you close stuff. This is what cars look like in Paris or Beijing.

I can't remember which way we're going. So there were no set rules. And each team... Oh, okay. Well, then that's fine. Each team had to organise oil, fuel and tyre supplies independently. Jesus. According to Jeff Tibbles writing in his book, Motor Racing's Strangest Races,

Tibbles is great. That's a great name. Is it a name of a mouse in a movie or something? It should be. Or like Tibbles cat food. Yeah. Yeah. So Tibbles wrote,

Although 25 teams would eventually consider taking part, many were scared away by the entry fee of 2,200 franc. Jesus. I couldn't figure out. I could not figure out on Google how much that meant. If it's enough to put off wealthy types. $2,500? $2,500.

$2,200 in 1907. I just couldn't, I don't know why I couldn't figure that out. So as the day drew nearer, the sheer enormity of the task also put off others. Although I also read that 40 teams had entered and paid the fee. There seems to be a lot of contradictory info on little details about this. race. So just with the Franks conversion, I don't know if it's going to be important, but to help the listeners paint a picture currently, 2,200 francs is $2,283 US dollars. Right, even though that Franks aren't used anymore.

Yeah, what are they like Swiss francs? Oh wait. Is that Swiss francs? Is that C.M. Yeah. Okay, let's have a look. How much was the French Frank worth in 1910? Close enough. So. We're nodding this out for the listeners. Uh-oh. It's written in French. Your Google skills are better than mine.

Over 12,000. $12,427.42. Pretty expensive to pay the privilege. That's so much money. Yeah, that's just the redjo fit. Then you're going to pay for the car. You've got to get to Beijing with your car and your ties and your oil. Also, something that hasn't been considered by presumably the people entering this race

is this drive is going to fuck your car up. You're going to get to Paris or Beijing and your car is going to be pretty much totaled. Like, I wouldn't trust myself. to drive to like, I wouldn't drive my car currently from here to like North Queensland because I'm like, I don't know if, I don't know what damage that's going to do. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, 100%. And that's with roads. And GPS. Will it even make it? And this is when cars are more popular so that you will have a service station for your car every bit. Yeah, and my car is like a hundred years newer than these cars. Whoa. Yeah. But our cars aren't built to last. God damn it. There's a lot to

I'm going to be thinking about this all episode. Would I have entered this race? Yeah, well, I'd love to hear your answer by the end of it. So, yeah, so they reckon between 25 and 40 teams wanted to enter. Either way, only five teams ended up getting their cars down to the starting line in Beijing in time. Five. Five cars. Okay.

Whoa, started in Beijing. They had to get their car to Beijing. That means it doing the drive pretty much twice. Well, you could ship it out there or, you know, take other transport. Are they from Europe mostly or are they American? Yes, they're all from Europe, yeah. Put car on boat. Do you reckon some people intending to do the race and the boat just didn't show up?

Yeah, that's possible. Like, oh, I'm here for my boat. They're like, boat, car on boat? No. That was, it was originally planned to go the other way. Yeah. The weather meant that it would get to, they would have got to, Beijing in wet season and that's that half of the race or less roads like roads.

Yeah. That would have been a nightmare. So they ended up switching around the other way. That's this already is so, so like, I mean, I understand that I've got a lot of, like, hindsight is powerful and starting a giant race after you just had to ship your car to a place that doesn't usually have cars and therefore won't have roads and that's where you're starting the race. Seems like a bad idea.

Yeah. Well, but I guess you're less tired because it's the start, so maybe it is a good idea doing the hard bit first. Yeah, the hard bit first, yeah. Just imagine getting into Europe with, I assume, more roads, if you were saying that Beijing just had fewer roads down there. I don't know, I think Beijing was okay. I was sort of outside of.

No, that makes more sense. Yeah. The more rural areas. Yeah, so it was really, yeah, the big middle part, you know. Between major cities. Yeah, that makes sense. Going through Mongolia and Siberia, apparently, is a lot of. rough stuff.

I can obviously imagine it, but it just seems so rude to drive through somewhere that doesn't have a road. Cars are so destructive. Imagine getting in the car and it's like, okay, so you pretty much go, like you're aiming your compass. You're like that way for 30 days. Yeah. They didn't have roads, but most places had train tracks. So they did a fair bit of driving on train tracks. Jesus.

Get to in a bit. Chugga, chugger. So who were the five contestants? I'd love to know. According to Tibbles, the first one to respond was Count de Dion. Doyen of the French motor industry who replied in heroic terms, quote, it is my belief that if a motor car can get through, the Dionne Buton will get through. I take up this challenge here and now.

So he provided cars. He didn't drive himself. So driving two identical... He didn't drive. No, he didn't drive. Very heroic stance for a man that's just buying two cars. Well, that were his cars. So he provided two, two-cylinder deion-button cars.

One driven by Georges Cormier. I'm having a real stab. I'm just saying these like, I think a French person might say. I think you're allowed. So they were two French drivers. Then we add in a four-cylinder 7.4-liter Italo. car. Gee, there's a lot of latest.

Was Chippione Borghese. So this guy had the best car. Oh, the most powerful car, at least. Yeah. I'll give you his full name because it's a bloody beauty. Prince Luigi, Mark Antonio, Francesco, Radoffo, Chippione, Bogasi. That sounds like you're being so rude. Borghesee is in like the car?

Yeah, is it modern day? Oh, no, that's a... A Bogazi? No. Borgardi. Bagardi. Not a Bagardi. So Bagasy was an Italian aristocrat, industrialist, politician, explorer and mountain climber from the prominent Italian Borgasey family.

Prince Luigi's doing it all. This family, the Borghese family, stretches back centuries. So there's a bunch of notable people from it, including from the 15 and 1600s. Pope Paul V. I don't know if you're familiar with his work. Top five balls for me. And the lineage stretches all the way to current day with Lorenzo Borgesi, who was the titular Bachelor on the ninth season of American dating show The Bachelor.

Whoa. Yeah, so big powerful family through the ages. They've never weakened. Like the modern day pope, like our Pope is the Bachelor. Yeah. Season 9. Is Pope the Pope also? No.

The Pope's not. The Pope from back then, way more powerful than current Pope, I reckon. Oh, I thought you meant the Italian Pope is different to the Australian Pope, and I was like, ah! I mean, if there was an Australian Pope. You reckon, like Andrew Gays or something? Yeah. Oh, Gaze.

Pope Gaze the first. Oh, no, he'd be Pope Gaze the second, because his dad, Lindsay would have... The first. ...the first. Stint, no doubt. Maybe the most interesting entrant in the race was Dutchman Charles Godard, Goddard, a former jockey and stunt motorcyclist. He was a smooth talking type who found himself without a car when his original manufacturer

pulled their car from the race. So he was meant he had a car set up, he was ready to head down and then they're like, no, we're actually, we're not going to let you have a car. If he enters on a horse, I'll be so strong. Oh, my God. I like the idea that he's a smooth talk. I see he's talking his way into a car for sure. You are correct.

Undeterred, he travelled to Amsterdam to speak to Jacobus Spiker, the head of Spiker cars, convincing him to provide one of his four-cylinder automobiles and filled it up with spare parts, spare tires and all that sort of stuff. He also convinced him to pay the entry fee, which Goddard promised he would pay back, though seemingly he never had any intention of doing that. got out as it turned out was a bit of a grifter. He probably sold all the spare parts and used that money for his ticket to Beijing. So he didn't even have a way of getting there at this point.

Oh, okay. So I thought that he got to Beijing, realized he didn't have a car, then went back to Amsterdam, then went back to Beijing with a car. No, no, he was still in Europe, went to Amsterdam. And then, yeah, but he didn't have, he got a car before having a way of getting to the start line. But luckily he was able to, but the spot. The guy whose car it was. He's like, obviously you'll need all this stuff for this hot, he's

like, obviously, no worries, I'll give you all the spares you need. Yeah. Because you won't make it without him. I'm clever. I figured out a loophole. He's my favourite of the entrance so far. And I didn't think anyone was going to pit Prince Luigi, but Goddard the smooth talker. According to Andrew Frankel writing for Motorsport magazine,

Goddard arrived in China on the 16th of May with the spike. but otherwise he was penniless. While the other competitors had spent considerable time and money organizing the necessary on-route infrastructure, and in particular the crucial petrol dumps, so they'd all figured out, you know, along the way how they're going to get petrol, he didn't have any money for that, let alone time to plan any of it. So he had no cash until he managed to prize 5,000 francs

from the Dutch consular official in Peking, promising that non-existent letters of credit would soon arrive, to meet the expense. This provided enough fuel for perhaps one-fifth of the 10,000-mile journey. The rest he would have to beg, borrow, or if needed, spirit away from the other competitors. So he was just winging it. He was just hoping it'll come across the hose

and he'll have enough breath left in him. If the moment comes down to it. Goddard is maybe my hero for this point. Like at any point, he could have turned around and be like, I won't do the race then. Got the car, could, and he's, sold all the spare parts. It could have just sold the car.

Take the money, leave. What's he going to do, follow him back to wherever he lives? Was it? I wonder what his plan was here. I don't think he had one. We'll find out after he wins this race. Yeah. I think he just loved, he just loved the adrenaline rush.

I guess stealing is also an adrenaline rush. He loves to grift. Yeah. He was born to grift. Feeling one step ahead of anyone you've dealt with must feel great. going being able to like so he hustles a car uses that car to then hustle a ticket to Beijing then in Beijing hustles 5,000 francs

that's huge that's massive he's a genius he's winning the hustle race yeah he's he's coming first already before the races started so that's the first four competitors finally the fifth competitor was another Frenchman august pons great name in a one cylinder three wheel contal not a car Are he in the Mr. Bean's enemy's car?

Oh, he wishes. Is it, yeah, one wheel in back or one wheel in front? One wheel in back. So it's... Like a rudder. Yeah, it's kind of, it looks more like a... And it is basically a primitive motorbike. Yeah.

The good news is you only have to replace three tires. That's true. That's a tricycle. The good news is that I don't think he probably needed to worry about that because I really, really struggling to think how a one-cylinder three-wheel car is going to fare. at any point in this race. Yeah, does it start?

It does start. All right, but that's surprised me. It probably also stops, I imagine. I mean, you're not confident, but he was. Prior to the race, Pons insisted that, quote, a flyweight three-wheeler was indeed the very car to take on a 6,000-mile journey across two continents. I love how everyone's got wildly different ideas of how far it is. You said 10,000 before.

Yeah. But if you only got three wheels, you don't have to travel as far. Yeah, so I'll post photos on our social media, but yeah, it really just looks like, so it's sort of, it almost looks like a, you know, there's a big seat in the front and a motorbike at the back. So it's sort of a two-seater. Is he inside a vehicle? No, it's not enclosed. He's open.

Yeah. Oh my God. I'm kind of imagining it looks like a very old plane but with no wings. I should pull up a photo. Come around on this guy. I love it. Just go for it. Pons.

Maybe it wins and that's where Ponzi scheme comes from, even though it's not related. Fun fact, first Ponzi scheme was done by a woman. It wasn't Ponzi. Whoa. It was a woman who lived in the same town. So, women can do anything. Women can be scam artists too. So there's some photos over there.

That is absolutely a bike. That's a bike! Oh my God. That looks more like one of those lie-down bikes that people have to do the big flags on. I don't get hit by a car. Yeah, it's that mix with like a rickshory type sort of... Yeah, yeah. Sort of vehicle.

It seems like a people mover, but like to the next town. Yeah, not to the next continent. No. According to Tibbles, it was a vehicle so small that it had no room for serious rations or bedding. Something of a handicap when planning to spend the next three months traveling across the wilds of Mongolia and Siberia. The drivers didn't race alone, driving it with at least one other person in the vehicle, either a journalist, mechanical, both. Was it in like three or you're a journalist slash mechanic?

No, one of them, one of them had votes. The race was set out along a telegraph line, meaning journalists were able to publish stories back in Europe as they went. I'd love to know how telegraph polls work. What are you, you just go, beep, beep, beep, beep. You're boss coding it or what? Or you can plug in your phone to each poll? I don't, or is it like email.

I don't know. Telegraph or telegram? Oh, I've written telegraph, but that's possibly wrong. Yeah. Telegraph's also the Morskode type thing, isn't it? Telegraph is... You got some on the other end sort of translating what you're saying? The three-wheeler is battling.

It's Morescode. It's Morscode. Okay, great. Oh, fun. See, there for about three hours dictating your story. Yeah, just... Hang on, no, made a mistake. Hang on. Backspace, backspace. The first message was probably just race going bad. Send help. We dying. So Goddard and Cornier traveled with journalists.

Colin Young and Pons drove with mechanics, while Borghese had both a journalist and a mechanic. Of course he did. Yeah. It seems like Borgazzi's mechanic, Etaure Guizardi, also was his chauffeur doing most of the driving. Okay. So when I read that, I'm like, oh man, this guy's in a race, but he's just kicking back. Yeah, look, the more you say about Prince Luigi, the more I'm like, how much is he a mountain climber? Or did he ride on a surfer?

Yeah, that's right. He was chauffeered up a mountain. Yeah. By another human being. But while he did have the most powerful car and a driver, it was hardly a luxurious trip for Borghese. His car was open-topped and they drove through all sorts of conditions. So quickly recapping, we have the Italian Prince Borghese in an Atala, the most powerful car on the race. Yep.

Which is a 40 horsepower four cylinder. He was accompanied by journalist Luigi Bazini and mechanic Etore Guizardi. So there's two Luigi's in that car. Hang on, have I said too many. Oh, you're right, yeah. I mean, he has every name, though. I don't think of him as a Luigi, but, yeah, that's true. He is also a Luigi.

Two Luigi's one car. Prince Luigi and not a Prince Luigi. Then we have the 15 horsepower four-cylinder Dutch Spiker, driven by the jockey and stunt motorcyclist Charles Goddard. That's our grifter. That's the grifter. And he was in there with Jean Dutali, one of Le Matters chief journalist.

So one of the journalists of the sponsoring newspaper. The journalist that got in that, like, that journalist is like, this is going to be the best story easily. Yeah. Like, he would have just heard, like, how. the race started and been like, oh, I'm with you for sure. Oh, yeah, absolutely. We could starve to death out there, but it'll be worth the story.

Then we had the two 10-horsepower, two-cylinder, de Dionne-Bouton, French cars driven by George Cormier, with Edgaro Longini as passenger, and the other one with Victor Collignon and Jean Bizzac as a mechanic. And finally, the six-horsepower, one-cylinder, cycle car contal, driven by August Ponce with Oscar Foucault as mechanic. Every description of this triggers my brain to just think of wacky races. Oh, yes, loved it.

Like, it just feels like a wacky races race. Short dig Dastedly's not there too. Motley. According to Tibbles, from Peking, the route was to take them northwest to Mongolia and Siberia. across the barren goby desert, over the uncharted plains of Siberia and eastern Russia to Moscow, and then via more recognizable roads to Warsaw, Berlin and Paris. Even getting to Peking in the first place was an ordeal.

Orgazi being obliged to cross Asia on a horse, camel and foot. So like you were saying before, knackered by the time you get there. And he travelled on a foot. Yeah, on a foot. Incredible. That big Monty Python. They're rare these days. The race hit trouble before it even began.

The Chinese government was skeptical of the race. They thought it was a ruse to suss out local terrain to plan a future invasion. That's, to be honest, fair enough. Yeah, fair enough. So because of this, the Chinese authorities confiscated the contestants' passports. But not the cars. Not the cars. So that you can leave.

Yeah, it was sort of strange. I read somewhere that they were like, we want you to get these cars out of here as quick as possible. No, we don't want you in your cars here. We've got some great news for you because we're going to try and leave as quick as possible. Yeah, they're undeterred by losing their passports

and they all decided to race anyway. Tibbles continues. Given the unpredictable nature of the route through China, the quintet of drivers agreed to stay in convoy until they reached Arcusk in Russia, after which the race could begin in earnest. It was an admirable notion, but one which founded,

almost immediately, when barely a quarter of a mile out of Peking, Collignon and Pond's both succeeded in getting lost. A quarter of a mile? A quarter of a mile. Oh my God. They lived their life a quarter of a time, and they get lost after that. That's like, you could almost see a quarter of a mile. Yeah, you can see a quarter of a mile.

That is a visual distance. How? Bad directions. Yeah. You got to understand in 1907. Very stupid. All right. Tibbles goes on.

Goddard fared little better. Unable to read a map, he had only the vaguest idea of geography. His spike was decorated in vertical stripes of red, white, and blue, and along the body were painted the words Siberia, Russia, Germany. This was supposedly to inform passers-by of the route. But there was also the suggestion that it served to remind Goddard which way to go. The hopelessly inadequate three-wheel-a-consul...

was struggling so badly on the uneven Chinese roads that Pons decided to retrace his steps and complete the first leg by train. What? How is allowed? Well, I don't think it was. There's no rules, remember? Oh, yes.

They weren't very specific about how there were no rules for the car race. The other four pressed on, but took seven days to cover the initial 200 miles, or 322 kilometers. So very slow going. You could almost outwalk them. That seems really slow. Right?

Yeah. I guess they're getting lost and then getting back on track and getting lost. Oh. What was the top speed of a car back then, though? Because like 40 horsepower was the most powerful one, right? Yeah, I think I read that that most powerful one could go up to like 96Ks per hour. Oh, okay. So that's still pretty, I mean, that's fast.

Yeah, but I guess you have to have a good flat road to be able to do that on. But even then, like, if they're driving it like 50 kilometers an hour, that's a lot quicker than walking. You'd think, but the statistics you've given us. 50 kilometres an hour and they were covering, what, under 400 a day? In seven days? Yeah. So that should have been a day. Right.

That should have been a day. Took them a week. So three months. Yeah. They set out to prove that with a car they could go anywhere, but really they just proved that without a car they could go anywhere. As a result of the rough condition on road services, the cars were not able to run unaided until the Mongolian plan.

plateaued been reached. So there were rough roads and they needed to have their cars dragged by mules over ancient bridges. Oh my God. Through gorges and over mountains heading towards the Great Wall. The local people were just like, what the hell? This is the future? A car being dragged by a mule is the funniest thing. Upper mountain.

A car being dragged by a mule up a mountain. That's so annoying to anyone who lives there like, Ah, you, I must abscond your mule. What? To prove that cars can go anywhere. Cars can go anywhere. I don't have to work anywhere. There were technically no rules.

According to Marina Manukian writing for Grunge, throughout the 907 Beijing to Paris race, local people and their animals ended up being frequently enlisted to help push or toe the cars along the driver's journey. They found boulders and stones often blocking them, meaning they had to use a pick axe to smash a path. When the cars were working their way through the Gobi Desert, so they slowly but surely were making their way,

the Gobi Desert proved to be even trickier. Oh, you reckon? That's shocking. How do old cars go on sand? Yeah, I'm just thinking about the sand. Especially with the little narrow wheels. Ponds in his three-wheel of contoll had gotten lost again. on a train

well behind the others his car is literally a point yeah oh no sail away isn't it there's a wheel at the back yeah one wheel at the back never mind then points at the back

yeah you think you're just like driving into the sand I was thinking more like it is a point how do you stray from your course you just follow a compass right yeah that's all right

that's all right howdy fare in there they're also meant to be following each other and the and the The telegraph poles. The telegraph poles. I don't fully get out.

I guess there's some areas they can't ride right next to them. So I have to detour off and then lose it. Yeah. I'm thinking that every single time they get back together and they're all in the same path, someone's like, I know a shortcut, immediately gets lost. And then there's just like everyone scatters for a bit, makes no distance, then comes back together. The same thing just keeps happening for seven days. I think there was a bit of that. Yeah, so Pons got lost again.

He fell well behind the others And was massively underprepared for the journey anyway It was relying on the help of the other four teams To this point the other drivers in particular Godard Had helped Pons out with fuel and carrying his supplies It was amazing seeing as Godard didn't have enough fuel himself But Godard carried a lot of his supplies in his car Apparently Godard even though he was a grifter

Had a real collegiate sort of teamwork vibe about him He grifted Well he forged a sense of community Yeah I guess that's like I guess a key part of being a grifter Being a trustworthy guy being like Goddard wouldn't fuck me

He gave me some fuel Yeah Goddard would fuck you Goddard has fucked you If you're wondering if Goddard's fucked you He's fucked me It's too late Yeah

So there in the Gobi Desert The Three Wheel of Contole Run out of fuel and supplies Too far behind the other teams Apparently Goddard had been, you know, making sure the three-wheeler was still going okay. But then the other, the two French guys in the identical cars, they said, no, no, he's fine. Yeah. Apparently.

So he moved on. And Pons and the three-wheeler was stranded in the desert without fuel and he had no food or anything. I am wondering if this is where the first. count of death comes in. Well, let's see. So to survive... Okay, that's a good start. All right, to survive.

They had to drink water out of the radiator. Well, just be glad that radiator fuel hadn't been invented then. Or to coolant. According to Manukian, they walk 20 miles out from their vehicle and 20 miles back, finding no water, food or people. Pons later tried to dig his car out, believing he could still somehow make it to Paris. It was in trying to dig... She just drained the radiator.

It was in trying to dig and push out the car that the two of them collapsed. It was only by sheer stroke of luck that a group of nomadic people passed by before the end of the day. Upon coming across the two unconscious men, they took them back to their camp and nursed them back to health. The contal was left in the desert where it's believed to still remain. Whoa. Let's find it. Do go on patrons. I'll meet you there.

Let's go. We're doing the Gooby Desert. We're finding this car. Yeah, we're digging it out. I reckon it can still get to Paris. All we need is coolant. Yeah. Coolant and we've got Google Maps now.

We'll be fine. So they survived. They're out of the race. Only because they were saved. By pure luck. They would never have woken up. like a lot. Oh yeah, this is sounding pretty.

You would have found their skeletons. Well, maybe not, because if the car's still out there, no one found their skeletons. I guess the report would be different then. It was just like, and then, yeah, the Ponzi car fell behind and then no one knows. No one knows what happened. Yeah, they could still be out there.

Yeah, they could be racing still. Well, that journalist has got a sweet article to write, though. That's true. Well, yeah, that's the other thing. If we wouldn't have known any of that stuff if they weren't found. Yeah. Luckily, yeah, the story was able to be told.

Back to Tibbles, the abysmal lack of preparation by the Contal team was in stark contrast to Borgazi's crew. In advance, they had sent camel caravans out into the desert to lay down supplies of fuel, tires and provisions at strategic points. That's huge. That's like the first pit stops. Yeah, that's right. They did it. The extra power of the Atala gave it a considerable advantage in terms of speed,

but its weight proved a handicap when crossing Mongolian marshland. At one point, the car suddenly sank in a bog, and they would have been in big trouble, but by a stroke of good fortune, a team of Mongolian horsemen appeared on the scene. There's so much luck involved in this group. Oh, gosh. They wedged planks under the wheels and got their oxen to pull, but this had no effect until someone had the bright idea of starting the engine.

Oh my God. Borghesey's journalist Barzini recalled at the sudden noise, the four terrified beasts pulled desperately. Oh. And suddenly the car came out of its furrow with one bound. So yeah, it wasn't even just the engine. It was the noise. The noise.

The noise. The noise. Literal horsepower. Before that, the ox were like, I can't be fucked. Holy shit. Ron, fellas, let's get out of here. Let's make it look like we're pulling.

Activate the adrenaline and the ox. After this, Borghesey's crew carefully checked any suss terrain before driving over it. Learning. That's one thing that pretty much every other racer in this race has lacked. Learning and common sense.

That's right. Yeah, totally. When they reached the river Iro, which I couldn't find it in Google Maps or anything. There's a few places I'm like, they must have changed their names in the last hundred years. They again needed the help of oxeners.

to drag the car through the waist-high water. I think there's photos of this as well. Of oxen dragging Borgazi's open-top car through the river. And it was... Waste high with an open-top. Yeah. Oh, my Lord. So it wasn't even floating.

No. I'm so glad they figured out cars. Cars were done. Now that they float, so much better. When Borghese reached the Russian border, they were a day ahead of the rest of the field. So there was this agreement that they'd all stick together. but for whatever reason, Borghese had just lost them in my rearview mirror.

He recalled later that our faces literally black with dust and over our clothes, a thick crust of the different kinds of mud with which we had come in intimate contact all along the way. So they were, the open top, they were just, they were wearing. You know, when your car was driven through, you know, a river, and through a dusty area and it's just caked in mud. Yeah. That was poor gazing. Back in the Gobi Desert,

the Dutchman Goddard and his journalist companion, Jean de Talley, had their own troubles. Oh, no. Also getting stranded without fuel, which was surprising, seeing as they did not have enough fuel. Yeah. Yeah. I'm surprised it took that long.

Yeah. And especially because they were giving fuel to the Ponzi team. Hmm. Ponzi. Are they more than a fifth of the way in? Yeah, the go-be... Yeah, I would say so. So they've done pretty well.

That's actually really impressive. Yeah, I think they've been... They've drifted fuel out of thin air. Exactly. Maybe every time they were giving Ponzi fuel, they would steal siphoning it. Goddard had tried to uphold his end of the bargain of driving in a convoy until Russia. And for the most part, had been sticking with Cormeier and Collignon in the DiDion cars. he'd also done his best to keep ponds and his three-wheeler going until they lost contact.

As Cormier and Cullion drove on from the stranded Goddard, they promised to send fuel back from Ood, the next town along, which was 120 miles away. They're like, they gave him a little bit of fuel to get Kimgump for a little bit. But they're like, you'll run out soon. But from the next town, we'll send a few camels back with fuel. According to Frankel, Godard and Dutalis, Dutali, had two liters of water, a few blocks of concentrated soup, which could not be heated without petrol to start the stove, a cold maggot infested and stinking chicken. I don't know why they kept that.

And some chocolate liquid and similarly inedible in the 47 degree Celsius heat. So it's fucking hot. Why do they need to reheat the soup then? Yeah, surely just leave it out in the sun. Yeah. But it's concentrate blocks of concentrated soup. Oh, so like you dissolve a bit in hot water. Okay, that would make sense as to why you can't.

You've only got two liters of water. Blocks of concentrated soup makes me feel like that's a fancy way of just calling it like chicken stock. I reckon that's probably what it's going to end up being. Just did a quick, so that's for the Fahrenheited people out there. That's 116 degrees. Yeah. Pretty hot. Pretty hot.

The fuel, though ordered, never arrived. They sat for two days in the desert. They had drunk all the water in the radiator. Oh. And Jean de Talley had become too weak with both dysentery and malaria to move. Jesus. Oh, one of those is too much. Yeah.

So that's his journalist. He's just become a liability, basically. Goddard, however, probably keeping his head high. Oh, yeah, he's fine. He's just looking for the next grift. Goddard realized that if they were to survive, he would have to leave his friend and walk off into the desert to find help. He came back within two hours leading an army of locals.

Yes, God. Yeah, of course he did. He can't even speak their language in his smooth-talking. Being a charismatic smooth-talking type, Goddard talked them into riding into Oud to bring back fuel. Once refueled, he drove 23 hours non-stop to catch the two de Dillones, who were 385 miles away. He just went on a hectic drive Is the general still like shitting himself in the back seat?

Put him in the boot. Give him a bucket. Goddard's still in this race. Yeah, he's fine. He's fine. This is a romp. I'm having a romp. Back to the prince, Borgazi.

It's just quickly with Goddard. It's crazy they both almost died. And then immediately after that, he goes into a town, convinces everyone to come back and help, then drives for 23 hours without stopping. Yeah, if you... I wasn't even a town. Remember, when Ponds couldn't find anyone walking 20 miles,

but Godard just somehow stumbled upon a group of people out in the middle of nowhere. You know how, like, the further you go back in time, it still happens a bit now, but the further you go back in time, when people have excessive privilege and wealth, the general belief is that it's because God picked him. Right. They must be feeling. Yeah, like you, how do you get out of this race and be like, well, thank God I'm God's favorite.

Like, thank God I got all this nice stuff in the world. That's so lucky. Yeah, you must be. That's crazy. Yeah, of course. How does it happen that many times in a road? Every single race car in this race has had some kind of, like, insane good luck. Even like, at this point, even though like one of the drivers almost died but then, like, pulled out of the race and the car was lost forever or whatever.

the luck of being found whilst unconscious is already crazy. And people giving a shit. Yeah. You know, not just going, oh, they're dead. Yeah. Strangers. You know. Like to go up and check 1907, see a body in the desert.

Not my business. Maybe you just assume they're dead because, like, I don't know, you've got stuff to do. You're busy. You're a nomad. You're moving. That's crazy. Yeah. All of these people have been so lucky.

And it's all because of locals through the different areas they passed through have lent them their animals and their help or their, you know, just food and everything, you know, amazing. It's good stuff. Except Goddard. He earned everything he did. He worked hard for it. He got everything he deserved. Give to the silver tongue, baby.

What a guy. He had a vision board. Yeah. All those things on it. Yeah, one of them is not dying in the desert. So let's go back to Prince. He's well ahead. Yeah.

He's a day ahead when we left him. And yeah, he's only pulling away. Yeah. So he has a commanding lead. According to Tibbles, the 6,000 mile journey across Siberia and Russia was distinctly uncomfortable for Borgazi and his men, traveling in an open car in what was often torrential rain. To make matters worse, follow...

Just get a roof, mate. You're a prince. I think there's some photos with like a tarp over the top. Really. I don't think that's doing the job. Absolutely not. It's so funny. Because the cars had, like, the other.

cars have roofs, don't they? I... I thought two or four had roves. Yeah, I think maybe they did. Half of the car. It just like... So the three-wheel drive didn't. No, that definitely did.

The, yeah, the Bagasi car doesn't have one. But then, like, if you're thinking I'm traveling for three months, surely, like, having my head protected, probably smart. That's not how cars were back then. You wouldn't even think of it. You're lucky. God picked you. And what is where...

He's wearing this, you know, those old pointy-style safari hats? Oh, yeah. The prince is wearing that the whole way around as well. Right. He's like, that'll protect me from the torrential Siberian run. It'll keep the sun off your head, that's for sure. Back to Tibbles. To make matters worse, following the construction of the Trans-Siberian Railway,

much of the Siberian highway system was in a state of chronic disrepair, deteriorating into a series of bumpy tracks and treacherous bogs. At Lake Baikal I've done a few of those in my time She's a treacher as a book At late Becal The road and bridges were impassable So Borgazi obtained permission to drive

On the railway track When forced to make a hasty detour by road Because of an approaching train The Atala fell foul Of a rickety wooden bridge Which collapsed under the car's weight Almost crushing Borgazy And his two men crew

He can hold a train But it can't hold a car No, he had to detour off and go on this little rickety. And so, and what was the outcome? The car fell and everyone was fine. Everyone was basically fine. Yeah, there we go. And the car could still go?

Yes. Okay, yeah. They lifted it back up, dragged the back. How did they lift the car off a broken bridge? Probably with a, you know, a local mules. Yeah, a team of locals. Nomads they found. No, it was actually winched to safety from the ravine

by a gang of Siberian railway workers. Oh, shush. I've always depended on the kindness of strangers. And return back to the railway track, only to endure another near-miss seconds later when surprised by a freight train. That's like, they're railway workers. They're like, oh, yeah, we'll put you back on the track.

Good luck. Oh, shit. Darker. I thought about it. Later when they were passing through the Ural Mountains, one of their wheels collapsed. The wooden spokes having been weakened by all the muddy roads and river crossings. Luckily, they found a local wagon builder,

the only one for hundreds of miles who was able to make a replacement. Just otherwise, they would have been fucked, but it happened near the only guy anywhere around who could fix the problem. Also, wooden spokes for this journey. Also bold move. Yeah. The only move, it sounds like. Yeah, all moves are bold here.

So by now, though, they are weeks ahead of the rest of the field. They're flying. Let's go back and find out why the other... Apart from having a more powerful car, the other races, especially our man Goddard, hit trouble again. Oh, no! Come on, Goddard. It's just so we can get back up again.

He did that long drive, 23-hour drive caught up with him. Well, soon after he did, his car started struggling again. The rear axle was hit by a stone and had an oil leak. And sort of thinking on his feet, he repaired it by stuffing raw bacon into the hole. Greasing? He is a genius, yeah, tactical genius. He stuffed the bacon in the hole and ate that maggot-infested chicken. He could have desperately used some of the spare parts that he had sold back in Europe.

Yeah. But then he wouldn't have been there. He wouldn't have even made it to the start. And to be honest, I'd be thinking, I wish I wasn't here. That would be great. Well, now the journalists going with the dysentery and malaria. It's not much more mentioned about it. It's like, you know, probably got better or died and we don't talk about it.

We're hearing about it, which means journalism happened. Oh, that's true, actually. Exactly. You're clever. I am. So by now they were struggling through the harsh Russian terrain. Yep. In part with the help of horses, I think partly wild horses, which I don't know what that means.

Oh my God. Semi wild horses. You were able to grift a horse. He charmed a horse. Wild horse. Smooth talking a horse. Yeah. You're there.

You're there. Come on. And the horse's like, br-h-h-h-ha. My God. The most attractive human I've ever seen. But eventually his car conked out. once more, and he was stranded yet again. But he was still there with the De Dion cars.

And according to Frankl, Frankl, the Deion's carried on while Goddard telegraphed Spiker to request a mechanic be sent across Siberia with all the necessary spares. I don't know how he's already gone through all those spares. Too long of a story, don't ask you. Spike, you fucked me, the spares, they didn't last. I need more spares. I am now your problem again. I'll sit here for four weeks waiting for someone to arrive.

Was the plan to catch up? Was he like I did 23? I can do 46. Yeah. That was his hope. But, you know, each time he had to do it was a little more unrealistic. The car was a little more fucked. Yeah.

I've got enough stuff baking him. What else's going to do? Spiker dispatched a 20-year-old office boy, Bruno Stephan. Shouts to Bruno Stephan. This is the mechanic he sent out, an office boy. You there, office boy. Well, we can't send it any mechanics out. So he sent him from, but he was, he had mechanical knowledge.

Yeah. He sent him from Amsterdam with the equipment while Goddard put the inert spiker on a train and traveled west to meet him, dropping off Dutali, the journalist, who's shitting himself, en route to be collected by the de Diance. As Dutali was a journalist from La Mata, the sponsor of the race, his editor wanted him to stay with the bulk of the company. Oh my gosh, this poor man. Yeah, so he would have been happy, I think, to stick with.

I'd like to go home to my family after the dysentery and malaria. No. Yeah, we'll put you in another car, though, I reckon. Yeah. Go with the winners. The De Dion team, shocked that Goddard would cheat so blatantly is to put his spiker on a train, telegraph the officers of LeMatta to demand Goddard's disqualification. Whoa.

There's no rules here, baby. Yeah, there's no rules. Cheating, however, according to Frankl, couldn't have been further from our man Goddard's mind. Oh, nothing he does counts as cheating because he gets away with it. That's right. I don't think he's ever been accused of cheating in his life. What are you? How dare you?

But he really wasn't trying to cheat in this instance. He, because he went, he was on the train. He got the ignition repaired, but he wasn't able to wait for Stefan, who'd become delayed by bureaucracy in Moscow. So he's like, I can't wait any longer. So he climbed back on the train, heading east 1500 miles back to the same place where the spike had conked out.

So he didn't get any advantage. He took the car to get, got the ignition fixed, came back, took ages. And then started from that spot. Started from that spot. So it was the 25th of July, 19 days after the Dejons had left the same spot and the same day that 4,000 miles away in Moscow,

So Stefan finally boarded the Trans-Siberian Express. So he's back in the same place where he conked out. He hasn't got any advantage. No. Okay. But he is now 19 days behind. Yeah, 19 days behind, but his car turns on. Those twins.

Yeah. Those dutely twins. They, he keeps trusting them and they keep fucking him every time. So he's now wanting to catch up with Stefan. And it took him five days of driving solo in 20 hours since with four-hour sleep breaks. for him to catch up with Stefan. Stefan serviced the spiker, fitted the new gear ratios,

better suited to the terrain. Yep. Uh-huh. But Stefan was unable to drive. I think maybe because he was 20. He was, he jumped in the passenger seat. So now that he's got a,

okay, so he's got to find him a guy. He's got to co-pilot again. So he caught up to someone that was previously 5,000 miles away in five days. Yeah, 4,000 miles away in five days. Oh, he was. also jumped on a train. But that's still insane. And how do they know where to meet each other?

I know, yeah. Even with phones, sometimes it gets confusing where to meet someone. Yeah, for sure. I'm near the McDonald's in the 7-Eleven. Which side? Yeah. Yeah. I'm on the corner of the street. Which way are you facing? Why would I know? It's a square. Towards a grey building. Where our boy got on is just like, yeah, I just drive five days, 20 hours a day. Meet you there. Meet you in the middle.

saw you out. But he's still way behind the twins. So they're 19 days ahead. Oh, no, now they're 24 days ahead. Well, yeah, because he's also had to stop to, he had the car service, but, you know, he's not stopping for ages. He's not dropping into five-star hotels or anything like that. No, no silly business.

Fuel stops aside, it would be 29 hours before the spiker stopped again. Goddard was drawing on every scrap of his mental and physical resources to close the gap to the Ddeans and nothing could stop him. A broken spring was patched up with wooden blocks. At another point, a newborn baby flung from a riderless wagon was collected and delivered to a local priest.

What? I'm not stopping for nothing. All right, maybe and baby. Flung from a wagon. I'm just glad he didn't use the baby to plug a hole. That's where I thought that was going. This is still according to Frankl. So he saved a baby's life.

Yeah, saved a baby's life on the way. I'm so glad I got on Goddard at the start of this without knowing anything about him. What a guy. I think we could all afford to be a bit more Goddard. Yeah. Frankl continues. Goddard drove ceaselessly day and night, night and day. And when the headlamps gave out, Goddard made Stefan walk out in front of the spiker at night with a white towel tied to his back.

So, but he could... So you're only traveling at walking pace. Yeah, just traveling at walking pace. Following the boy. Following a boy who... The office boy. The office boy. So the boy can see nothing ahead of him.

No, what? Well... So the... I mean... But if the boy runs into a wall, you stop. He's doing it a lot slower, I guess. Yeah. Yeah.

So it's just like hands out in front of him being like, I hope I don't hit a rock or a... A car can, you know, avoid it. A bug that's going to bite you. That's true. Yeah. We didn't think about Stefan. getting bitten by bugs whilst being the torch.

Well, the last boy got malaria. That's true. The last boy did get malaria and dysentery. But he got that while he was riding in the car. So maybe he's safer. In this story cast. You can only assume that that passenger seat was absolutely full of muck. Oh, my God.

So maybe best was to be out the front. So maybe they still had a towel that was white. With that much dysentery and malaria, it's shocking that the car is just, not just making everyone sick, just solely from covet and shit. Do you, do you reckon perhaps Goddard is some sort of... Maniac? No, like maybe he sucks luck out of other people.

Right. He sucks luck out of people, makes it his own? Yeah. Well... He feeds on other people's good fortune. I love him. And if that ends up being true... Does the boy die?

Does the boy die? No, but... Oh, uh-oh. By the end of this marathon, on, this long, ceaseless day night, day night drive. Stefan was so sick with utter exhaustion and dysentery. That Goddard telegraphed Spiker and told him he did not expect him to make the end of the race. Just letting you know, the boy, you might need to get another office boy.

So it wasn't even come get him. He was like, oh, he's gone. He's on the way out of record. He's still walking out of the front, man. He's got to start feeding his companions that rotting chicken. Yeah. It's so, like, it's so funny, like, is Goddard okay, or does he also have dysentery at this point? Yeah, he must, is it, what is dysentery?

Is it a contagious kind of thing? Yeah. So you think it was a bacterial thing. Don't you get it from, like, contaminated water and things like that? Yeah, which means that if everyone that he's traveling with is getting it, chances are he's exposed to whatever is giving it to them. Yeah, especially they're sharing water bottles, sharing radiators. Yeah. We sucked water out of the same radiator, bro.

Should get tested. In Kazan in southwest Russia, the Spiker caught the Deons, which had enjoyed an untroubled run. Oh, my God. So they were just cruising along and he's caught him up by just driving like a wild amount. It would be so funny from their point of view, just having a cruising drive. And then all of a sudden, like, just a wild maniac man and his very sick. Sickest boy. Nearly dead boy, catch up.

I've never met that boy either. They're like, When did you get the boy? Who's that boy? He's unwell. What happened to your other guy? I traded him for a boy. Not because the other guy's with them.

Yeah, they've got the other guy. The other guy's like, oh, so I'm replaceable? So you're going to give him another boy dysentery? So they've caught up. So the main packers all caught up again. Goddard entered Kazan at 4 o'clock in the morning of the 8th of August, having covered in 14 days. the same distance the Dedeons had managed in over a month.

Jesus Christ! Goddard's last 24-hour stint saw more land travel under the wheels of the Spiker than the De Diodons had seen in the previous four days. He'd traveled three and a half thousand miles, not one inch of it on anything recognizable as road. As you're forgetting that this whole time has been on like dirt tracks and... This is unbelievable. Yeah.

Wild. But I do believe it got it. I do believe it. Because our boy. By this stage, our man, the Prince Borgesi, was still weeks and weeks ahead of the chasing pack. And he was nearing the finishing line. He was so far ahead that the Ital went on a lengthy detour from Moscow to attend a party in their honour in St. Petersburg. Oh, this is rabbit and the hairstyle hubris.

Yeah. He's taken a nap. He's taken a nap of the last leg. I checked it on Google Maps. It's around eight hours each way today. We saw what I imagine are real roads. Oh my God. Wouldn't you just want us to end?

I just want to get to the finish line. I guess at this point he's so confident. I guess would he somehow be getting information how far behind everyone else is? Yeah, I guess if they're all contacting. And they're on the telegraph poll, yeah. Then I guess he'd be like, whatever, I've already won. So might as well take it at my own pace. make it more enjoyable.

But wouldn't you also be like, why can't they have a party for me in Moscow? I'd say party in Moscow, how about a party at the finish line in Paris? Yeah, but do you know what? There have been situations in my life where I would have driven eight hours for a shower. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I hear that idea. That's true. Probably it was like, oh, decent food.

Like, why not? If you find out that it took them a month to travel a certain amount of distance that you've already cleared, you're like, well, they're not catching up to me. Yeah, that's true. You don't know the god out of it. at all. And apparently it was a feast. Oh, and probably a bed. Yeah.

Old school. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. And they were caked in dirt and everything. Probably even a shower. Oh, imagine that. Probably even could wash their car. When were showers invented, Dave? I don't know why I'm asking you that. I'll have to Google that.

I would, I mean, they would surely. Yeah, 1907's pretty close to World War I, and I'm pretty sure they had showers. They weren't washing in 1906. 1767. Yeah. Okay, so we're all good for a shower. Yeah.

So, as I said, I drive eight hours for a shower. I have no idea about things. Oh, no, I get it too. Yeah. History is a mystery to me. I absolutely adore that you were thinking cars and you're like, have we nutted out the shower yet? I didn't know.

We got a car. Do you reckon we figured it out? Yeah, but that's a fair call. Cars probably came after shells. So in the end, it took Borghese's attention. Taylor two months to the day to reach Paris. You think about all these times we've been talking about the others. Yeah.

The whole trip for Morghese was two months. Including, including a detour for a party. Yeah. His traveling companion journalist Luigi Bazini said, I cannot convince myself that we have come to the end that we have finally arrived. Yeah, I can't believe it. It was such a struggle for us, the two Luigi's.

But can you imagine being the journalist and this prince is like, like, yeah, let's go to this party and he's like, oh, my fucking God, we are so close. We're so close to home. Arriving in Paris, Borghazy was hailed as a hero. It was big news this race. Yeah. It makes sense. Interviewed by reporters, Borghazy said, quite modestly, every day when we awoke,

we concentrated on nothing but getting the day's stage done well. Such a journey requires more patience than daring. I don't know about this. Your speeches are insane. Speak to the other guys, I reckon. I think, well, maybe they should have been concentrating on doing one day's stage well as well. Yeah, that's true. It does also sound like he probably had the superior car, which is maybe the main advantage.

And a chauffeur. And an extra, there was three of them. Yeah, there was three of them. They had the better car. And he also brought heaps of spare parts, knowing for well. And had the thawcite to the camels of fuel. So he basically won because he just thought about it enough. Yeah.

Yeah, I wonder if that was a wealth thing or if that was a forethought thing. Because Godard doesn't... Other people thinking for him. Yeah. Goddard doesn't think ahead. He's just very good of thinking at the now. Yeah. Seed of the pants kind of guy.

Yeah. Yeah, you wonder if Borghazy hit real bad trouble. Yeah. If he would have had the luck of bumping into locals who could fix him up. While the race had been run, the other three cars forged on. Then on August the 30th, 20 days later, the final. three cars arrived together in Paris. Ending the 1907

Peking to Paris motor race. So only one car failed of the five. And no deaths. And no zero deaths. And that means it was two months of the day for the first place. Equal second for cars, two, three and four. Did it in two months and 20

days, which is less time than they said, because originally it was a three month race. That's right. And your man Goddard is said to have come second. Oh, I mean, in spiritually he came first. There were too many victories to count for him. But one thing I will say is he wasn't in the car when it crossed the finish line. He wasn't in the car?

What do you mean? Where was he? Well, in the final stages, the Dutchman's dramas continued. The money he obtained from the Dutch consul in Peking finally caught up with him when a Paris court found him guilty in absentia for obtaining the money by deception and sentenced him to 18 months in prison. He got arrested? At this point, he was still racing while this court has was going on. According to Frankel,

just outside Berlin, Le Mata had him arrested, ostensibly because of his conviction, but some also suggested to make sure a French car was first into Paris after the Italo. Oh! Spiker placed a works driver

named Johann Frilling in the driving seat for the last leg of the journey, leaving Goddard in Germany, facing an extradition. order. But Goddard was not yet done. Yes! Yeah!

Eight miles from Paris, the convoy stopped to regroup and Goddard was there. They were ready for the final procession. He'd been extradited to Paris. Yep. As Freeling, the replacement driver bent down over the starting handle. Gets that wind-up thing? Yeah. For the last time, there was a disturbance in the crowd.

A man burst forward, stumbled, fell, stood and ran to the Spiker's vacant driving seat. Goddard temporarily. beyond the clutches of the law had come to drive his spiker into Paris. It took a swarm of police to forcibly remove him. No! Shouting as he went to his old friend,

Dutalas, to take over the spiker. He'd never driven, providing him with gear-changing tuition as he was carried away. He's like, Dutalas, you've got to be the one to drive it. Then we've done it as a team. Not this new guy.

It won't feel right. If it's not you, please, Dutelelan. And it's like, the gear shifts a little shaky. You've got to twist. No, you've got to twist it. Do the movements I know. Twist it.

That's it. I think exactly it's a little finicky. And the key, it'll turn. It'll feel a bit wee, but you're just got to hold on. And what are you going to do? Don't let go. Just out to the crowd. Oh, I love that.

I just so wild that he was able to break out of custody. To almost try, like, what did he think was going to happen? Well, the same thing that always happens to him. What he wants. Yeah, that's true. No, it's sad that consequences finally caught up to him. Yeah, that is sad. Well, sort of, because Frankel concludes Goddard being Goddard, talked his way out of prison.

Yes. Our boy! But little of his life is known thereafter. Though he did enter another race or raid the following year, which I might do as a topic in the future, the 1908 New York to Paris race. Oh, I think I've heard about this one. that one they would have had to get on a blow they they're yeah I think is that the one where they

look I know that this will be entered in another report but wasn't the plan to drive through winter so that the like parts of the I'm pretty sure in the 1908 New York to Paris race and I know that this is and I could be wrong and I probably won't be back for the next episode so maybe we could really not the same team

the race car well um yeah because I'm pretty sure what they did at points was they were like, well, a car can't drive on water, but it can drive on ice. Oh, God. So I think they go like up and yeah, things go real bad. I only read about a brief. I didn't see that, but that's great sizzle. Well, let's see how the people like this one.

They might hate this. They could hate more of this. Everyone loved Goddard, but fuck Goddard. So we're coming up to the end here. Obviously, the race is over. according to Tibbles, following its remarkable victory, the Italar was in great demand and was shown in London at the 1908 Olympia Motor Show.

However, the car met an untimely end when, en route to being shipped to New York for another exhibition, it rolled into the dockside water at Genoa. The car was eventually salvaged but was badly damaged. The Atala thus went down in history as being the only car to survive a 10,000 mile race, but not the subsequent exhibition. It survived everything.

Yeah, except being displayed. Yeah, the view of the public. The last thing I was going to tell you about, there's been a few tribute races run in the years since. And according to this great resource I found called Wikipedia.org. In 2007, the Endurance Rally Association staged a rally to celebrate the centenary of the original 1907 race. Unlike other tribute races,

this one followed more faithfully to the route taken by Prince Burgesey in the 1907 race. Even heading to St Petersburg where... Paul Gaze attended his great banquet. Had a party. 126 veteran vintage and classic cars took part, the oldest being in 1903 Mercedes. Four!

The major challenge of the rally proved to be Mongolia and the Gobi Desert with no conventional roads. Despite this, 106 across the finishing line after the rally covered 12,642 kilometres in 36 days. So it wasn't even that much quicker. No. I mean, and they were using old cars, but they had a lot more support. And they knew to bring the stuff.

More roads. Really, to me it holds up that. Yeah, it's still. Orgazy's original. And all the four of them who finished it. Yeah, with all that to go through. It is crazy that not a single person died. Yeah, isn't that incredible?

Yeah, so much luck involved and the goodwill of people. The kindness of strangers. Yeah, really was. Yeah, he was. Yeah, he was. Your boy will be dead. But then he probably didn't die. Yeah, I don't think he died, did he?

Well, no, as far as I know, everyone survived. He didn't die in the race. Yes. It's hard to go back to an office job after that. Yeah. He's just dead in the eyes with that middle distance stare. This means nothing. You haven't seen what I've seen.

Yeah, happy 21st birthday. You can get your license now or whatever. No thank you. Yeah. You never drove again. Well, that brings me to the end of the report. Thanks so much, Dush and Cass,

for joining us. Before you go, we've got a little thing. We've got everyone's favorite section of the show, but Dave and I'll do that in our own time. Yeah, that's fine. If you don't mind. That's a sacred point of time.

I get that, I understand. But before we get on to that, listeners who aren't familiar with Sanspants, where can they find all your, you're on, both of you're on multiple Sanspants' Pants podcast? Yes, so you can find me on Plumbing the Death Star, which is a comedy pop culture podcast,

baseless speculation, which is a comedy pop culture podcast, where we speculate on what we think is going to happen in upcoming pop culture releases. Kind of like, think of like a YouTube video where it's like 10 things you missed, but imagine everything. everyone involved in the podcast, he's very stupid and doesn't really know what they're talking about.

And it's not about what you miss. It's about what you don't know yet. Yeah. And it's one of those things where every now and then we're surprisingly right about one thing and then people tell us that we're right and then it makes us feel good even though we're wrong about 150 times before that one right. I'm also the host of Thumbcrams, which is a video game review podcast. Yeah, that's the big three I do. They're all in the Sanspence Radio Network. or you can find me on Twitter at Douche 13, D-U-S-C-H-1-3. Yeah, you can also find me on the Sanspans Radio Network. I'm on D&D as for nerds,

but I'm also on Shut Up a Second, which is a wonderful, silly little thing where you'll learn one to two things each episode. And a lot of it's just fun little chats. I have a great time on there. Joel's been on it. I have. It's a great podcast.

It's fun. Come listen. Thanks so much for having us. Speaking of fun podcasts, do go on. How can we not mention? Thank you so much for having us. and you're welcome for us having you at the San Spence Radio Studio in this podcast, 69.

No, one else I'd rather do a pod 69. Always pod 69. It's beautiful. It's beautiful. What a way to. Thank you so much. Thank you. Welcome to everyone's favorite section of the show

where we get to thank some of our great Patreon supporters who help make this show happen. I was going to be doing it with Dave, but unfortunately since then, I've hit the road. recording a new show called Good Tucker with Seren Jayamana as host. Hello, that's me. Yes, very good to be here. So we're driving from Malacuda in the Far East East.

It's apparently, I found this out the other day, it's the northernmost coastal town in Victoria. That's right. So it's about halfway between Melbourne and Sydney. Yeah, so it's about, I mean, we say halfway, using that term quite liberally, because it's about seven hours from Sydney and about six and a half hours from Melbourne. Yeah, so maybe Melbourne Edge is out of Sydney there for convenience. But it's closer to halfway between the two that Camberra.

That's true, yeah. Our so-called capital city. Yeah. So yeah, we just did an episode there in Malacuda, where I surrounded, Lucy, who runs a restaurant there in Malacura at a great time. It's called Lucy's. It's a restaurant called Lucy's.

You didn't ask her how she came up with the name, but... That would have been a good... Oh, that's a voiceover. Yeah, I could be a voice of a question. This is a little peek behind the curtain. Yeah. The listeners. We went out on the boat yesterday.

What else do we do? We fell down a sand dune. Felt down a sand dune. We ate a lot of good food. Talk to the former captain of the CFA, who obviously got a hero here in Malacuda. Yeah. From the bushfires a couple years ago.

Rod. Rod. Rod. Yeah. Anyway, that's not what we're here for. He loves a bit of fishing, rod. He loves a bit of fishing. Oh, dear.

You've come to the right section of the show. Great. That's what I want to hear. Wordplay is king. And without, you're filling in for Dave, who is the pun master. It's big shoes to fill. Big shoes to fill. Not literally he has small feet.

So, Serren, you haven't been on the show before. So I'll explain as we go. But basically, if you want to support the show, not you, Surren. you don't want to. But if so... This is sort of supporting it. You are in a way. That's true.

So if you go to Patreon.com slash studio on pod, you can support our show there on a bunch of different levels. The first one that we normally talk about is the fact quote or question level. And if you sign up on the Sydney-Shaunberg level, you can get involved in this. Has a little jingle.

It's called fact-quota question. The jingle just says those three words or four words, fact-quote or question. You want to sing a little jingle for that. Jess normally does that. Fact-quered. Quote or question. Yeah. That wasn't the jingle. I was going to say, yeah, a bit more melody would be a idea. Fact quote or question. It's a fact or quote a question.

Ding. Fact quote a question. It's the fact or quote or question. That was fantastic. Ding. He always remembers the ding. And the way to get involved in this, go to the Sydney-Shonberg level, you get to give us a fact of quota question. You can also give us a brag or a suggestion or whatever you like really. It's blown out a bit since it began. But I read out four each week, Serran. So if you're ready, I'm going to read out some to you right now. Okay, let's do it.

The first one comes from Miguel Acosta, who you also get to give yourself a title. Okay. Do we make it clear we're in the back of a car? Well, we said we were driving from Malacucoona. Okay, so that was pretty good. The assumption, it's not a go-car. Yes. It was implied.

It's fair to, yeah. So in case there's any car-like sounds, we're going around a very windy road. This is the windy road that leads into Malacurta, and there's only one. Yeah, it's also the windy road that leads out of Malacuda. That's true, and that's the way we're heading. Yes. So Miguel Acosta has given himself the title of Big Boy, McGie Seaman. Is that a verb, Acosta?

Acosta. What's a surname in this case? Okay, not someone who accosts. Yeah, I'm an Acosta. Yeah. I've accosted you. I'm an accosta. This is the type of puns that Dave would do?

I think so. They're big shoes? They have big shoes to fill my little feet. Miguel has offered a suggestion writing. My name's Wiggy. My name's Miggi, and I'm here to say, I'm giving a suggestion that do go on way. I'm about as happy as everyone else to see the world slowly emerge.

Okay, I don't think he's doing there. No, the rapid ended, I think. I think they're right for the end. I was impressed by the way you committed to the rhythm. I'm about as happy as everyone else. To see the world slowly emerge from the COVID chrysalis we've been in for the past two or 400 years. I can't tell anymore.

And I'm beyond happy to see that my favorite factie boy is getting real-life live shows underway. The only thing that makes me a bit sad is that I can't actually be there for the live shows the way that I could for the digital live shows made me feel like I was actually there supporting my number one favourite podcasts. Now enough fapping about from me.

My suggestion slash question is what are the chances that you'd implement a digital live stream element to your live shows for your fans outside of Australia? Let me throw my money at you please. Anyway, love you, call your mums. Dave, congrats on getting married and Matt and Jess, congrats on waking up every day.

one last thing how'd you like to eat my shit well that's very beautiful Miguel thank you so much for that message that was a beautiful message that was a beautiful message it's quite a roller coaster had a lot in it yeah and I presume that that's a is that sort of a running joke or an in joke that the oh the how do you like to eat my shit that Dave getting married oh Dave came married yes yeah obviously he is a virgin as not married but yeah A little running joke. We've got going that Dave got married, yeah.

It was pretty... You went to great lengths, he even got photos taken. Someone to model as his why. The giveaway was the big shoes. Yeah. With the big feet. Thank you for that suggestion and question, Miguel. I think we could probably do another live stream one at some point.

But Miguel would like you to incorporate some sort of digital element into the live shows. Oh. I think it wasn't that the question. Yeah, maybe it was. Or the suggestions. Yeah, which we did in their live streams we did during COVID, which is the main reason we did those because people weren't allowed to come out.

Yeah. Add the bonus of people from outside of Australia being able to watch as well. Yeah, good. I'll pass that on to Dave and Jess. I think that we could do another live stream at some point later in the year, I reckon. Thanks, Miguel. The next one comes from Sophie Shooter. Sophie Chuter.

Can't believe I still get your name wrong. So if you apologies for that. Sophie's got the title of group mum. Be nice to your sister. It's her birthday. And hers is a brag. This is it. Sophie writes, not really a brag, more of a mention.

It's my sister's birthday today. Oh, that's right. Sophie messaged me saying that, asking if I could say this one on this particular episode. And I said, I'll forget, almost definitely. But it looks like I, you've nailed it. Looks like I now didn't, if I've done this in the right date anyway. For Christmas, I bought her bracelet with beads that signifies Morse code. I gave her until her birthday to work out the code and she hasn't got it yet.

So, Kaff, if you don't want to know, stop listening now. There's a long-running joke in my family that she is adopted. So when I saw this bracelet, I just had to get it for her. So please say a big happy birthday. to my quote, this is what the Morse code says, unbiological sister, Catherine, you don't look at day over 38. That's a beautiful message, a beautiful birthday message.

That's a beautiful message. And I would suggest probably one of the most complicated Morse code messages to decode in the history of Morse code. I hope she's been able to do. I really, I believe in Catherine. I think she would be able to crack their code. She probably has cracked her, but she's a bit in denial.

Yeah, yeah, but I think it's time to face facts. Catherine, you're adopted. Nothing wrong with that. Thank you, Sophie. Happy birthday, Catherine. Next one comes from Daniel Headley. He's also got a brag, but Daniel's given himself the title of Resident Dickhead of the Pod. It's obviously a few candidates for that role, but Daniel has the title, and Daniel's brag is,

Every time I give myself this title, you three fight over who the actual resident dickhead is. Hopefully, I just did it again. No fighting here, Daniel. It's you. You're it. We're finally coming to terms with it. You are the official dickhead of the podcast. And we bowed down to you.

And finally this week, we've got Kate Hopner. It took me a while to read the spelling. Yeah, you've been through it a few times in you. There was a spelling go out and it took me a couple of guys. And I think you've not actually, you have to pretend that. Oh, the O's there. Hepner. Yeah, yeah.

That's funny. Like Hugh Hepner. Took me a few reads and I still got it wrong. And Kate is the acting director of panicking department, the panicking department. An important department. And Kate's question is, any chance of a sneaky trip to Brisbane soon? Yeah, I reckon there's a chance. announced a Sydney show last week or this week so surely Brisbane's next on the list I reckon

your answer to that should be that we went there but it was a little too sneaky yeah it was very sneaky so you did probably should let people know okay yeah we were just we're there right now no one no one really came because we didn't tell anyone about it but now that's a great idea Kate thank you so much for the suggestion next thing we like to do in this great section of the show Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, I told you it goes about 30 to 40 minutes. So, you know, we got...

I saw us get to the end of that spreadsheet and I was like, well, that was a breeze. No. I'm happy to be here. Well, I mean, we've got about six hours the hour on this drive, so... The next thing we like to do is thank a few of our other great supporters who have been on, mostly people have been on, I think, for about a year and a half supporting the show. Yeah, lovely. And normally just comes up with a little bit of a game to do.

Normally it's like a word-based game based on the... A wordle-based game. Based on the topic. So this week's episode was about the picking to Paris car race. So, you know, in a past episode, we might have done like, you know, about Bigfoot then each person got allocated a different kind of cryptid or something. Okay. So maybe in this car, maybe they could, you could give them each a kind of automobile to race in.

There were five cars in this race, and one of them was like a three-wheeler, one horse bike that did not make it very far. Okay. Very under-prepared for the race. So maybe you could give everyone their own, you know, automobile of any style. Yep. Okay. And I'll go through the names.

Happy. Let's do it. All right. Awesome. Well, first up from Albuquerque and New Mexico in the United States, is Nathan Swap. What's Nathan driving in all-riding? Nathan, I think you'll be driving in a Honda-C-R-V. Honda? Yeah.

Yeah, that's sort of like an all-roads kind of all-old. Yeah, I think, you know, Nathan, you're coming from the US. So, you know, you might have to, you probably be driving on the wrong side of the road. So I didn't want to give you too challenging a vehicle. You've got the Honda CME. Yeah. It's a good car. It's a reliable car.

That's all I think, I think. Am I playing this game right? I think so, yeah. I mean, you could go. It could be anything. I'm looking at the list and it's long. And so I've got to give yourself somewhere to go. Yes.

Exactly. So we're starting with the CFR. You finish with the flying elephant or whatever. Exactly, exactly. Thank you very much, Nathan, for all your support. I'd also love to thank from Amos Fort in the Netherlands, Nicol Rolink. Do you recommend that Rolink? I think you drop the O, so I think it's Rilink.

Rilink, yeah, okay, good. If Cape Hepner has anything to go by it, I think you've got to drop the O. You always drop the O. That's the Dutch way. Thank you so much, Nicole. What's Nicole? I think Nicole you're going to be driving a John Deere ride-on tractor. Oh that's good. Yeah. The iconic green and gold. Yeah, the green and gold with the

deer on the side and the words John Deer. Yeah. As opposed to a non-ride-on tractor? Some tractors are push. They've got a push tractor. That's Bo the sound guy by the way. Making a little cameo-o-comio. I think even there's a, it's good to know someone's listening. Yeah, that's right. So, yeah, I think it's a ride on tractor. Ride on mower is what I meant to say. Thanks for pulling me up on that, Beau. Save you getting the tweets.

John Deer also make ride on mowers. I'll have you know. And it's lucky because that's what Nicole Reelink will be riding, driving. And looking very smart. I mean, that's going to be a great front runner, Nicole, for the other races. Yep. that could be really just sort of mowing a path for the races to come in

getting rid of all that long grass. Thank you so much, Nicole. I'd also love to thank from Pittsfield in I reckon Massachusetts in the United States. Joe Martin. It's actually G, Martin. Because you've got to drop the O. If there's an O followed by an E,

you always drop the O. O before E drop the E, you see. Oh before E only keep the E, you see. Yeah. that's right yeah so what's Joe I'm Miggie Wiggy and I'm here to say now I I just sorry to jump off Joe because it's Joe's moment in the Patreon but the miggy wiggi we just assumed that that was meant to be read as a rap I would like to revisit it at some point it could have just been hey it's Miggie Wiggy and I've got

something to say you know oh you don't think he was actually yeah that's True. I hadn't really considered that. So Joe, and what was Joe's surname? Joe's surname was Martin. Joe Martin. Or G. Martin. G. Martin. He's coming from Massachusetts. I'm going to say G. Martin.

Your vehicle is a 1972 Ferrari, but it's a matchbox car Ferrari. So is he being shrunk down to drive it or? Or he's just, he's really walking with the car in his pocket. I'm not in charge of the logistics. Okay, but that's what he's got to work with. But I will say this, it's a collector's, it's still in the box. Still the box, okay. So yeah, you got a decision to make if you do have Ant Man style shrinking powers.

Hey, you might lose the race, Joe, but you definitely got something very valuable. You get to keep the car. So, you know, that's a win, I think. I'd also love to thank from Fairfield in Queensland, Australia, Alexandra Munster. Alexandra Munster. Alexandra Munster. And you're from Fairfield in Queensland.

Alexandra, I think the vehicle that you will be in charge of is a IGA trolley from the eager. They call it eager in Queensland. But it's an IGA trolley. Make sure you bring some coins, Alexandra, because you're going to have to put a coin in to get To get it, get the troll, you pick it up from. But yeah, I think hopefully Alexandra's, her leg of the race is down a concrete hill.

You can, if you get a bit of momentum going on foot ahead of time, you can sort of jump into the trolley and that momentum will carry you from picking to... All the way to Paris. Paris. Jeez, you know, yeah, you'd have to get a pretty good head start. Yeah, start on a downhill. Yeah, because you've got to go through the Gobi desert. And that's hard to get traction on a trolley.

There's a lot of dunes there. Yeah. Yeah. But we wish you all the best. At least you don't have to worry about fuel. A few of the races, a few of the competitors had some real fuel issues running out of fuel and whatnot. I promise you this, Alexandra, you will, with an IGA trolley, never have to worry about fuel. Never have to worry about the field.

That's good. A couple of people survived by drinking the water out of their radiators, but she also won't be able to do that. Guess what you've got in a trolley? Plenty of water. Oh, see, that's a stocked trolley. Yeah, I mean, take it. Just been from the supermarket.

Don't take the trolleys. You're already at the IGA. Yeah. Wander the aisles a little bit first. Yeah. That's true. Good point. Thank you, Alexandra.

I'd also love to thank from Idaho Falls in Idaho. Which makes a lot of sense in the United States. Big Stupid Jeff Big Stupid Jeff in Idaho Falls Beautiful name for a boy or girl I'd say Big Stupid Jeff Yes Big Stupid Jeff

I think that your vehicle is probably my favourite vehicle of all the races in this event and it's actually a hot air balloon It's a hot air balloon Hot air balloon.

Yeah. So, yeah, that's, that's a might have mean if the breeze is blowing the right way. You can, you can get from Piggy to Paris. Do you think, as a, because it is a motor race, do you think the organizers would allow that? Or do they have to just, like, chuck wheels on just to, you know, in technicality, there's a, like, an airbud scene where the boss is, like, going through the rulebook. Well, there's nothing here to say that an air balloon can't enter the race. Maybe the, so the, okay. The wheels are...

You know, there's like there's a tax loophole, at least in Victoria, where it's cheap, but you don't have to pay certain land tax or something if you're, if it's a caravan at a caravan park? Yes. So there's concreted in caravans at caravan parks just to get through the loophole. So they've got to have the wheels on them, even though they're clearly never going to be towed behind a car again. Yeah.

And I think the wheels, Big Stupid Jeff, actually has, you know, I think they're training wheels. Right, yeah. I think they're training wheels because when he's pretty, he's big, he's stupid, no one's going to trust him with an actual hot air balloon straight away. Yeah. You've got to learn the ropes. The first. You got to roll before you can fly. Exactly.

When you're learning how to fly a hot air balloon, they actually come with training wheels. Yeah. I don't know if you know that. know that that's fascinating thank you very much big stupid Jeff nine nine is a long list of competitors normally it's three each well jess and davy here oh yes so yeah um but i thought let's stick with it yeah no i'm i'm having fun i'm getting slower but i'm having fun you're giving more detail each time i'd also love to think from manchester in great britain keenan Hinchcliff. Kenan Hinch-Liff.

Hinch-Liff. You're right. Yes. Jeez. You're reading over my shoulder better than I can read. In front of my shoulder. I know I've just been trapped as I tripped up by this before. Right. I have a friend and his surname is Hinch Liff. And for the longest time I thought he was a cliff but he's a leaf. Yeah, I've never heard of Hinch Cliff. I've only heard of Hinch Cliff. I've got a cousin called Hinchcliff.

Yeah, well you should double check that, I reckon. Maybe I should. You should go back and just make sure he's not a hitch lift. So what's Keenan in? Keenan is keen as mustard, I think. Which is why he is in a converted... It's one of those... Back in the day when they were promoting Red Bulls in Australia anyway,

they used to have these cars that would go around and they do promos. They have a big can of Red Bull on the back. Yes. He's in one of those, but it's a, it's a mustard bottle. Oh, yeah, Colonel Mustard. Yeah, it's probably also similar. It's probably also a Honda C-R-V, to be honest,

but it's got attached to it. A bottle of Keen's mustard. Wow, I love that. Big mustard fan. Big, yeah. Love mustard. Thank you very much Keen, and I think that's a sick ride,

especially if you've got, like, all the mustard samples in the back. Yeah, because you could be you could survive on mustard first but you also have a bit of responsibility throughout the peaking to paris race in that you have to be handing out samples you're spreading the good word of mustard yeah yeah yeah i think that's awesome so yeah it's almost like a it's like a missionary for mustard yes and it's going to make it hard to win the race you kind of have to get out in front early of the peloton depends on what you mean by winning because if winning is winning the hearts and minds of new people with mustard.

Well then, Kenan, you are in the box seat. And the driver's seat have a Honda CRV with a mustard bottle on top. What is the box seat? I think it's at the theater when you go to the theater. Oh, yeah. And the box.

Right. Behind, backstage there's a box and there's a seat in it. Yeah. And if you're... At the theater? Yeah. Wow.

Thank you, Keenan. I'd also love to thank from Avalon Beach in New South Wales. Australia. Chauvorn, single name there, kind of like your Shurs or your Madonna's. Yep. Everyone knows.

If you say Chavon, you're like, oh, you mean from Avalon Beach? Yes. Yeah, I know Chavon. Yeah. She's not big and she's not stupid. I'll tell you that much. Yeah.

She leaves that to Jeff. So, Chavon, you're from Avalon Beach in New South Wales. It's a beautiful part of the world there at Avalon Beach. Actually, the play Avalon Beach. It's a place where the airplane was invented. Really? Yep. That's why Avalon Airport outside of Avalon Airport in Melbourne is named after the Avalon Beach because that's where the airport, that's where the airplane was invented.

This sounds like a real fact. It's a true fact. So there was that Wright brothers or pre-Wright brothers? They, I wouldn't say they were right or they were wrong. But they were brothers. And they were having a go. And that's the main thing. go and that's the main thing. Ava go Avalon.

Avalon. Do I remember when Toyota try to launch a competitor for the Falcon and the Commodore and that it was called Avalon and the campaign? What was Sir Leslie Patterson? Oh yes. He did these ads and the catchphrase was Avalon drive and you'll never look back. Beautiful. And I thought that was brilliant.

Yeah, that's a lot of people forget that ostentatious really just doing Lesbuner. There's Patterson. So we've got to tell Chavon what she's driving. And I assume a Toyota Ravol. Well, I love that you brought up Toyota, Matt, because that is, you, I didn't even have to do any work there because you, you exactly. Sir Les co-pilot? What I was going to say.

I think that would be a dream team. I think his surname is Patterson, not co-pilot. Okay, sorry. Pallogies. Bit of respect for the sir, for the Lord. Thank you, Chavon. And I'd also love playing from Godstone. In Surrey, I reckon in Great Britain, it's Zander Bryce.

Okay. Zander Bryce from Godstone in Surrey right near the Oval. Ah. I don't know if it is, but Surrey, I think the Oval is... Yeah, closer than we are now. Exactly. And that's, it's all relative distance. Which is why, Zander, you will be...

It is relative and so you shouldn't feel too disadvantage that your vehicle... is Puffing Millie. Wow. That's a great get. The train. Are there tracks laid down from Peking to Paris? Do you, for your international listeners, need to provide any context as to puffing millis?

I normally overdue context for Australian references to the point that it annoys Dave and Jess. But yeah, so they're not here, so I may as well. It's like a weird little, sort of a quaint tourist attraction in the suburbs of Melbourne. Yeah, it's a train. Which I don't believe was ever a functional train. Oh, it's only ever made for... Yeah, it's sort of in the hills. Yeah, and sort of in the...

Forest Hills. Forest Hills. Forest Hills. Just outside of Melbourne. Yes. And it's like an old steam train. Yeah. And it's not like international tourists.

It'll just be like Melbourne kids and their families, mainly, I think. That's where I went out there. Do you ever go as a kid? I've never actually been on Puffington. Yeah, right. I'm hoping Xander will take me for a... Five or something. For a ride.

And, yeah, they do an annual race where you can run against Puffing Billy, and humans regularly beat it. And so this time's end of the race, unfortunately, you won't be racing people on barefoot. No. You'll be racing a guy in a hot air balloon and a couple of Honda C RVs. But he's going to be the only one on tracks. That's true. Yeah.

Because a lot of the peeking to Paris race was they drove along train tracks. Really? Yeah. Also, the track's already late. I was worrying. I started to drift because I was thinking about how we're going to have to build tracks. The only issue might be. Through the desert?

Through the goby desert? Yeah, maybe the gauge is wrong. That'd be the only issue. Yeah, what is? Maybe they'll have to adapt the puffing Billy's wheels. They're almost certainly the gauge would be wrong because the gauge between Victoria. And New South Wales is different. That's so strange.

Thank you, Zander, enjoy having a puff. And finally, From Palmyra, maybe in New York. Zanda, I wouldn't recommend it. I think you should be sober when you... Okay. But I mean, it's on tracks. What could go wrong?

True. Puff away. From Palmyra, maybe in New York in the United States. It's Ethan McLean. Ethan McLean. I love Palmyra in New York. It's one of my favorite... I think it's Palmyra.

Palmyra? Palmyra. Palmyra. Palmyra Ethan McLean son of John Yeah McLean

Hippie Kaya motherfucker And your vehicle actually is going to be The A lot of people don't know this But the Empire State Building Which

Which has wheels They've got that up on wheels That's how do you think they got it in there? Yeah, real I did not know that Yeah it was built in the French built it and then as a gift to America

upon independence they wielded it in I think that was actually the inspiration for Donkey Kong and Mario Kart was the King Kong ending of the movie because that didn't end with him riding a racing around a track

on the Empire State building? Yes yeah exactly that's exactly right yeah I didn't cross over there with Prime Prime mates yeah And I mean, if you're a primates podcast lover, there's a couple episodes of Saran that you should really go back and listen to.

This voice might be familiar. Yeah, so that's the last thing left for us to do. I should just say once again, thank you very much to Ethan Zander, Chavorn, Keenan, Big Stupid Jeff, Alexandra, Joe, Nicol and Nathan. The last thing we need to do is... Thank you and good luck.

And good luck, yeah. All the best in the race. We'll see you at the finish line. See you there. At the awful tower, is that we're going to finish? Or the Arc de Triumph? Yeah, I think at the Arche de Triumph. I didn't realize you spoke a little French.

No, sir, just clearing my throat. We will meet at the Ars de Triomph. The last thing we need to do, sirand, is welcome some people in the Tribute Club. It's all theory of the mind here. Okay. So you get a ticket in and you're in for good. It's a lifelong membership in this exclusive club. This must be the hottest ticket in town.

It is a hot. Hot ticket, yeah. All it takes is three years of support. And what happens is I'm standing at the door. I've got the clipboard out. I've got the guest list. I'll read out the names. You're going to have to play the role of Dave Warnocky here, the pun master, who normally does a little pun as he hipes them up into the room. Okay. So you're up on stage. You've got the mic, you're emceeing the event. Everyone who's been welcomed into the club before is standing, slow clapping as they're welcoming the men. You're up on stage, giving them the thing that really makes a feel most welcome and that is a weak pun on their name okay or city yeah and uh you also normally

book a band or dave does but you're in his place okay some often it's coincidentally to do with the topic but it could be about it could be any band okay living or dead who have you got booked tonight oh just the one band yeah yeah great um tonight we have the uh um um Dave Matthews and the Little River Band. Whoa, that's a super group. Have I brought together two different things then? Yeah. No, okay.

I think you brought together Dave Matthews and the Little River Band. Great, that's what I wanted. And they're playing an acoustic set before the food comes out, and then after the food, they're going to come back on, and they're going to go Acapella. Oh, wow, they got offal.

They're going to come out electric, but they went backwards. They lost their intramers. Fantastic. I think Little Riverbant could do it if anyone can't. What about Dave Matthews? Dave Matthews should be involved as well, yeah. Saying if he's here, we may as well utilize him.

We have booked them both. It was a double booking and I regret that. You've made it work though. I regret that. But, you know, from accidents come solutions. Yeah, that's true. It's beautifully put. Thank you.

Accidents of the mother of invention. That's the action. Yeah. That's not either. And the other thing Jess does, normally she makes up a cocktail on the show title. So what's the Peking to Paris cocktail involved? The Peking to Paris cocktail is... I know one ingredient I know it has is water from the car's radiator.

Yes, and from the trolley. Oh, yeah. From the IGO trolley. So the cocktail that will be present at the event this evening is the... H2 go-go and that H-2-Gogo is

water you get a little bit of water from the tap and as well as that some water from the Mount Franklin a bottle shake it up together and then to that you add a spritz

well that sounds delicious and I think people are going to really look forward to those. I mean, they can get any other drink, but that's the specialty for tonight. So I want to welcome in two names. This is the last thing we need to do before we say goodbye. So you're ready? You're ready to hype them up? Yes. I'll throw the names out you. You can't look ahead, please. You just got to go. You've got to work with either some sort of a pun or wordplay on the city or the name. And just really rev them up here. Okay. If you do it like Dave, they're always awful. But he says that him and Jess like him. But anyway, first up from,

Alexandria in Virginia in the United States, it's Christine Walk. Okay, Alex, ladies and gentlemen, please, bang your hands together, make some noise, tap those forks on those tinnies and get some hype in the room. Please, ladies and gentlemen, that's not good enough. I need more energy from you, lovely. Welcome to experience her very first time here at the Stryptych Club. But please, ladies and gentlemen, lose your minds, go crazy for, it's not Christopher Walken. It's not Christine Nixon.

It's, and no one else can do, it's not a jog, it's not a run. It's a Christine Pristine Walk. Is that sort of what Dave does? I mean, that was way more than what Dave does. Okay. That was great. You really value out of it. Christine Walk got the VIP service there.

And secondly, and finally, into the Triptitch Club this week. Thank God there's only two of this. From, yeah, sometimes there's way too many, but it's from Vancouver in Washington in the United States. Terry Lynn. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, you did it for Christine Walk. You've only got to do it one more time tonight. And then we're going to get stuck into the H2Go-Gos, and we're going to hear from the Dave Matthews and Little River Band off mic.

please bang those hands together. A little bit started over here with the golf clap. Thank you. Yes. And bring it around the room all the way to the back. Go Crazy for please, ladies and gentlemen, she's not wearing a Terry towel shirt. And she definitely isn't wearing linen.

But that's because it's Terry. Ladies and gentlemen, go crazy for Terry Lynn. Welcome. Terry and Christine. Saran, you've done a fantastic job there. Thank you. I'm going to talk to Dave, get him to listen to this tape and see if he can improve and learn. That's all we ask, you know.

You didn't only fill his shoes. You exploded them. Your toes are poking through the end. Thank you, Saran, so much for helping me out with everyone's favorite section of the show. I didn't have much choice, to be honest. Is there anything you want to tell people about, anywhere people can find you or whatnot? Yeah, I'm making a television show at the moment with Matt Stewart from the Do Go On podcast. It's called Good Tucker.

And it should be hitting your screens, whether they be the 60 inch or six inch screens. Size doesn't matter when it comes to screens. No. Or anything. True. Or anything. And it should be hitting that around circa September. That's right.

And is your special still available to watch? Oh, you can listen. I have a comedy special that was recorded in 2018, and you can hear that on the ABC Podcasts podcast. And I also was on an episode of Primates. You're on two. Two episodes, but we don't talk about the first one. What was the first one?

I can't remember, but I think it was a mighty boosh. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's hard to talk about something that's already funny. be funny. Yeah. Yes. Anyway, thank you so much

for having me. No worries, thanks for having me. If people want to find us online where do go on pod. com is the website and do go on pod is on all the social media as well.

Get in contact. There's a link in the show notes to suggest topics. Anyone can do that. Like I said before, if you want to support the show, patron.com. And there's merch now as well.

We're doing t-shirts and stuff again. And they're available via the website too. So get involved in all that if you want to. Tea towels? We should do tea towels. It's a good tip.

Terry, Terry Tao. We could go do Terry Lynn Towes. Terry Lynn towels. I think that's a good idea. I'll have to talk to Terry first, but if she's up for it, we've got to run that past Terry. Awesome, all right. Cheers.

And what is, Jess says, bye, at the very end. So I'll say goodbye, ladies, and bye. You know that. Thanks. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are. and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester.

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