Do Go On - 348 - The 1907 Peking to Paris Motor Race

Episode Date: June 22, 2022

The week's episode is about the wild story of the Peking (now Beijing) to Paris motor race. Joining us for this epic adventure are Cass Paige and Joel Duscher from Sans Pants Radio, enjoy!Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: dogoonpod.com or patreon.com/DoGoOnPodSee us live in Sydney in September: https://dogoonpod.com/live-shows/  Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/ Check out our new merch! : https://do-go-on-podcast.creator-spring.com/Check out Cass and Joel's podcasts: https://www.sanspantsradio.com/Check out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​ Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:Geoff Tibballs ‘Motor Racing's Strangest Races’https://www.motorsportmagazine.com/archive/article/september-1997/57/1907-a-race-odysseyhttps://www.grunge.com/586510/peking-to-paris-the-crazy-true-story-of-the-1907-motor-race/https://peking2pariscar96.com/https://www.thevintagenews.com/2019/03/05/peking-to-paris/?chrome=1https://www.endurorally.com/peking-to-paris-1907/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Just jumping in really quickly at the start of today's episode to tell you about some upcoming opportunities to see us live in the flesh. And you can see us live at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2024. We are doing three live podcasts on Sundays at 3.30 at Basement Comedy Club, April 7, 14 and 21. You can get tickets at dogo1pod.com. Matt, you're also doing some shows around the country. That's right. I'm doing shows with Saren Jayaimana, who's been on the show before. We're going to be in Perth in January, Adelaide in February,

Melbourne through the festival in April, and then Brisbane after that. I'm also doing Who Knew It's in Perth and Adelaide. Details for all that stuff at mattstuartcomedy.com.

Death is in our air. This year's most anticipated series, FX's Shogun, only on Disney+. We live and we die. We control nothing beyond that. An epic saga based on the global best-selling novel by James Clavel.

To show your true heart is to risk your life. When I die here, you'll never leave Japan alive. FX's Shogun, a new original series streaming February 27th exclusively on Disney+. 18 plus subscription required. T's and C's apply. We can wait for clean water solutions or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On.

My name is Dave Warnke and as always I'm here with Matt Stewart. Hey Dave, so good to be here. Great to be here with you and also this week we are joined by Cass Page and Joel Duchar. Hello, hello. Hello, hello. Hello, we're in Sandspan's HQ. Yeah, welcome. We're at your home.

Yeah, I live here. This is my bedroom. This is our crib. Yeah, welcome to MTV Cribs. Yeah, no, thanks so much for having us, but also you're welcome for us having you. Yeah, we appreciate it. Yeah, we're having each other at once. It's podcast 69.

It's a full-on podcast 69. Full-on podcast for two. Yeah. It's a rare podcasting experience, but it does happen. Yeah. And you're listening to history right now, listeners. Dave, it's been quite a while since The Douche has been on, probably to a lesser extent.

Cass, when were you last on Cass? Oh, many moons, but only moons. Yeah, only a few months, I reckon. But Douche, it's been years since the Ryan Gosling episode. Yeah, that was like around episode 50 of Do Go On, I think. We're closing it on 350. Jesus Christ. What?

It's been a while. So your Gosling report really broke the internet. We had to wait for it to heal itself. But it's healed enough, and we're back now. And Matt is going to tell you how this show works. Okay, so how it works, douche, is one of Jess, Dave and I usually. Jess isn't here, so that's all fair. I'm already up to a bad start.

But one of us chooses a report, a topic, based on usually a listener's suggestion. And we'll go away and we'll learn about it. We'll write up a little old school school report, and then we'll come back and we'll share it with the class, which in this case is the three of you. I'm doing the report this week. Great. Honestly, one day we'll get it really succinct by 350.

That was one of my worst in a while. But to get on the topic, we ask a question, and the question this week is, anyone can answer? Yep. And someone, we believe, is keeping score at home, so you could be on the- Yeah, you could get a point. You could be on the spreadsheet. This could be my first ever point, because I don't think I've been on Do Go On except

when I did my own report, which means- Yes, you had your own question. Had my own question. Yeah. So the question is, back in 1907- Oh, I'm in trouble. What was Beijing known as in Western Europe? Oh, Peking. Correct.

God damn it. I had one chance and I blew it. Sorry. Well, you were scared off by the year. Oh, yeah. He wasn't around then. That's right. Oh, man.

I wasn't alive then. I was in so much trouble. Fortunately, I was. So I remember that. It was back when Essend. Fortunately, I was, so I remember that. It was back when Essendon were winning most of their premierships. Yeah. Very, very touchy subject at the moment. So let's move on.

Okay. All right. So we're talking today about the 1907 Peking to Paris automobile race. That's great. I'm not great with geography, but I'm good enough at geography to know that that's a long race. And 1907, not famous for having good cars. That's right.

Or good roads. Now, I also am not good with geography. The cars didn't have to be boats at any stage. No, they didn't. Good. Okay, I didn't think so, but I just wanted to check. No, I mean, it's the same question I asked when I saw the topic. I'm like, wait, hang on.

That is all land, right? They're different countries and our country is an island. Everyone's country should be an island. Russia connects Asia and Europe. I'm confidently saying, even though, again, I am. That seems right from what I'm remembering. Bang on. They go through Russia.

That's huge. That's how they got there so fast. Russia. So this topic was suggested by Denzel Arevalo from Prontiprid who has described this story as a romp. We love a romp. I love a romp. I love nothing more than a romp.

Do you agree? Is it a delightful romp? I think it's, well, yeah, it's definitely a romp. Oh, we love a romp. I love nothing more than a romp. Do you agree? Is it a delightful romp? I think it's, well, yeah. It's definitely a... Oh no, it's falling. It's not delightful, but it's a pretty fun romp. If I had to guess, I would say that this is probably more of a delightful romp, maybe a chaotic romp. It's chaotic.

A comedy of errors. Are we in for a ride? Is it some sort of rat race? Yeah, it's a bit of a rat race energy. But, yeah, normally people who suggest topics will write out a long description. They're the only two words that Denzel gave us. Just a romp. And I put up three topics, all different kinds of races.

A horse race, a car race, and a plane race. And this is the one the Patreons selected. Shout out to the DoGoOn Patreons. Car race? Probably the most exciting of those three races, I would say. Especially when you're looking at 1907. We hadn't figured... Well, I mean, 1907 plane race would be...

The plane race was the most deadly option. Yeah. Obviously, they didn't want to go that way. Yeah. Neither did the planes. So I will, I think, throughout refer to Beijing as Peking or Beijing. Yeah. Depending on the source or whatever.

But it's the same place. Apparently it came from, it was one of those words that was, I think it was the Portuguese or someone like that. Yeah. Had a word that was similar to Peking and evolved into Peking. And then after a while in the, I think in like the 80s or something, China was like, hey, it's Beijing. Yeah. And then finally like America and England started calling it Beijing in the 80s and 90s.

China might have been talking about it before then. I always think it's such a funny thing where, and we've talked about it on the show before, that people are like, you can call your city whatever you like. We're calling it this. It's so weird, right? Isn't that strange? Yeah, it feels like it's their city.

Let's just call it what they call it. Ask what their name is. I feel like I want to call Germany Deutschland, but I feel like you seem like a bit of an arsehole. It immediately feels like you're going to follow it up with, yeah, I've traveled. Yeah, I've been to Barcelona. I've been abroad. Studied.

Really lived. You should try it. A Pizza Hut restaurant or something. A margarita for me, please. A cappuccino. Sorry, what? Says the 15-year-old behind the counter. The Peking to Paris race.

I'm calling it a race. It sort of started out, wasn't necessarily meant to be a race. They called them raids. There was this French. Oh, my God. They called them raids. There was this French Oh my god, that sounds way worse. It was more like the journey. They were just driving from point A to point B. If you made it, you succeeded.

It wasn't like first place, second place. It was more like a challenge. An endurance challenge. That's right. But this one sort of became a race. Some people still think of it more of a raid. Whatever. I'm calling it a race. At this point in 1907, cars were only just starting to become popular in Europe.

They'd been around for a few decades, but they were only things for the wealthy really. And this race was the first time cars made their way across some regions of Asia. So there were places they were going through where people were like, what the fuck is that?

Holy shit! Well, our map ends here, so I assume we're going to be driving to the void. Oh, there's people here. The race or the course was a distance of around, depending on the source, 14.5 miles or, sorry, 14.5 to 16,000 kilometers, which is around 9,000 to 10,000 miles or, sorry, 14,500 to 16,000 kilometers, which is around 9,000 to 10,000 miles. Originally, because of the way you said it, I thought you weren't going to add the zeros, and I was like, I am really bad at geography,

if it turns out Paris and Beijing are 14 miles apart. Many city-to-city motor races had been run over the previous few decades, but circuit racing was growing in popularity at this point. According to Britannica, the first speedway purpose-built for automobile racing was constructed in 1906 at Brooklands near Weybridge in Surrey, England. That was a 4.45-kilometre circuit. Wikipedia, though, slightly contradicts this. I only bring this up for patriotic reasons.

Because Wikipedia says that while Brooklands was the first purpose-built banked motor racing venue, Aspendale Racecourse in Melbourne, Australia, a pear-shaped track that was close to a mile in length, was the world's first purpose built motor racing circuit which opened in January of 1906. I'm believing Wikipedia. That's so fun. I love that. We did it. I thought I was bracing myself for you to mention Bathurst

or something. Turns out the first race track was in Bathurst. Mount Panorama. Moses came down from Mount Panorama. It was chipped into like tablets. Yeah. The Conrod Strait.

The idea for the, we bring up Bathurst so much on the show. Bathurst come up a lot, doesn't it? It must baffle a lot of listeners. Yeah. It'll baffle them. Bathulhurst. No. I reckon, yeah. Bathelhurst. No. I reckon, yeah.

It's close enough to something. Any chance to bring up Brockie or Dick Johnson, I'll do it. I mean, Dick Johnson, come on. One of the great names. Penis, penis. Yeah. The idea for this race seemed to come as a response to these kind of new circuit racetracks. The challenge was laid down in the Paris newspaper, or I should say, Paris?

Yes. You've traveled, I see. Spent some time abroad. Ah, yes. The newspaper Le Matin, or Le Matin, something like that. I think it means the morning. Dave's been to Paris recently. I'm looking it up.

Yeah, yeah. I remember it a lot. Remember it a lot. But it's spelled Le Matin, so I might say that wrong a few times. Anyway, so in Le Matin on the 31st of January, 1907, they wrote, probably in French, but anyway, the translation is, the supreme use of the automobile is that it makes long journeys possible, but all we have done is make it go round in circles.

Also in pairs. Yeah. Yeah, in Australia we were driving round in pairs. What needs to be proved today is that as long as a man has a car, he can do anything and go anywhere. Is there anyone who will undertake to travel this summer from Peking to Paris by automobile? That was the challenge laid down.

That is a very funny statement to read in the newspaper. Yeah. Do you reckon you would have taken things more personally back in the old times? Like if I read that, I would have been like, he is talking to me, but I'm saying no. Yeah. But if someone was to say that in the magazine now, I'd be like, who cares? Yeah. It's like a very powerful speech being like,

almost talking like a car is like an animal, being like, this beast is caged. Are you the man to set it free? And also like claiming that a car can take you anywhere. It's like, all right, well, there's a reason you're going from Beijing to Paris rather than Beijing to LA. Good luck going the other way. It's not going to happen. But no one had done something like that before, had they?

I don't think in this kind of length. There had been ones across Europe and stuff, but I don't think anything like this. So the race was sponsored by La Mata, and the winner would receive a relatively modest prize of a magnum of mum champagne. Oh! Okay, I was hoping it was going to be one ice cream.

A magnum. Now, am I saying that right? Is it mum? Mum. I've got to... I've always called her mum. We all say mum. Okay, great.

I say mum. I'm so paranoid. I don't know why more than anyone, French people corrected me on pronunciation because when I was in France, everything was like, what are you, this is not how we say it. Yeah. But I guess. I had the exact opposite experience in my very short tenure in France where.

You've traveled? Yeah, I traveled. You've been abroad. Yeah, I went to. So I've been to France for one day. And that entire day I spent at Disneyland Paris. I didn't see the Eiffel Tower. For the authentic experience.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I wanted to make sure I got as French as possible. So you'd like to see like a European castle built by Americans in Paris. Yes, that's exactly what I was looking for. So me and I think former guest of Do Go On at some point, Jackson Bailey, one of my co-hosts on Plumbing the Death Star and other podcasts, went to Disneyland,

and he would just walk up to people. Anytime we had to interact with someone, he'd just be like, oh, hello, or I would try and be like, oh, bonjour, et cetera. And they would just immediately launch into French with me, and I was like, you can clearly tell. Come on. So every time I had to be like, oh, in English, please. I'm trying to be polite, but I actually don't know what I'm doing.

Yeah, it was good. So yeah, I wish instead they were like. So have you learned how to say Splash Mountain in French? No, there was. So we had the perfect day in Disneyland. Mont Splash. Oh, my God. Where were you? You would we had the perfect day in Disneyland Mont Blanc Oh my god, where were you? You would have been the perfect guide Yeah, it rained all day

Prior to us getting there So there was no one there We didn't have to talk to anyone really Except for when we were ordering food And then it was always a disaster Le turkey leg Hamburger. Buff.

Best word in French. Buff. Yeah, I love buff. That's where we got beef as well, I think, isn't it? I think they brought it over. Buff. Buff. All right, so they get the magnum of champagne.

Big race for, and they have to pay for the privilege of entering as well. Where's that money going if not to the prize? Yeah, I'm not sure because you've got to, anyway. Yeah, it's getting sponsored. Is this laundering? It does feel a bit like, because you know, you're probably paying for your own car as well. Yeah, that's right.

You pay for your petrol. Yeah, you pay for everything. You pay to enter. You pay to travel. It also gets sponsored. Yeah, that's right. You pay for your petrol. Yeah, you pay for everything. You pay to enter. You pay to travel. It also gets sponsored. Where the fuck's going to- Oh, tracking them probably. Yeah.

I don't think, I don't know. Was there someone else there that was like, I'm not in the race, I'm just driving alongside you so I can pay attention to who's winning the race? But I guess there's not really- No one's cheating? I guess you can't cheat. How do you cheat in that instance?

Cars, they don't know they can do that yet. Well, no, I mean... You jump on a train. Jump on a train, yeah. That almost feels like foreshadowing. Yeah, but then you get on the other side and you're like, fuck, I forgot the car. It's going to literally suss when I cross the finish line.

You're miming it. Everyone's just doing the thing with their hands for wheels And they all feel too silly to point it out A prison you closed off This is what cars look like in Paris or Beijing I can't remember which way we're going So there were no set rules And each team

Each team had to organise Oil, fuel and tyre supplies independently Jesus According to Jeff Tibbles, writing in his book Motor Racing's Strangest Races, Tibbles is a great name. That's a great name. Is it a name of a mouse in a movie or something?

It should be. More like Tibbles cat food. Yeah. So Tibbles wrote, although 25 teams would eventually consider taking part, many were scared away by the entry fee of 2,200 francs. Jesus. Which I couldn't figure out.

I could not figure out on Google how much that meant. If it's enough to put off wealthy types. Hang on, 2,500 francs? 2,200 francs in 1907. I just couldn't. I don't know why I couldn't figure that out. So as the day drew nearerer the sheer enormity of the task also put off others uh though i also read that 40 teams had entered and paid the fee

uh there seems to be a lot of contrary contradictory info on yeah on little details about this race so just with the franks conversion i don't know if it's going to be important, but to help the listeners paint a picture, currently 2,200 francs is 2,283 US dollars. Right, even though the francs aren't used anymore. Franks are used. Yeah, what are they like? Is that Swiss francs? Swiss francs? Is that CHF?

Okay, let's have a look. How much was a French franc worth in 1910? Close enough. We're nutting this out for the listeners. Uh-oh. It's written in French. Your Google skills are better than mine. Over $12,000.

$12,427.42. Pretty expensive to pay for the privilege. That's so much money. Yeah, that's just the rego fee. Then you've got to pay for the car. You've got to get to Beijing with your car and your tires and your oil. Also, something that hasn't been considered by presumably the people entering this race is this drive is going to fuck your car up.

You're going to get to Paris or Beijing and your car is going to be pretty much totaled. I wouldn't trust myself to drive to like, I wouldn't drive my car currently from here to like North Queensland because I don't know what damage that's going to do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A hundred percent. And that's with roads.

And GPS. And GPS. Will it even make it? And this is when cars are more popular so that you will have a service station for your car every bit. Yeah. And my car is like a hundred years newer than these cars. Whoa.

Yeah. But our cars aren't built to last. God damn it. There's a lot to consider. I'm But our cars aren't built to last. God damn it. There's a lot to consider. I'm going to be thinking about this all episode. Would I have entered this race? Yeah, well, I'd love to hear your answer by the end of it. So, yeah.

So, they reckon between 25 and 40 teams wanted to enter. Either way, only five teams ended up getting their cars down to the starting line in Beijing in time. Five? Five cars. Okay. Whoa, started in Beijing. They had to get their car to Beijing. That means they're doing the track pretty much twice.

Well, you could ship it out there or take other transport. Are they from Europe mostly or are they American? Yes, they're all from Europe. Put car on boat. You don't take other transport. Are they from Europe mostly or are they American? Yes, they're all from Europe, yeah. Put car on boat. Do you reckon some people were intending to do the race and the boat just didn't show up? Yeah, that's possible. They're like at the docks like, oh, I'm here for my boat.

They're like, boat? Car? Car on boat? No. It was originally planned to go the other way. Yeah. But the weather meant that it was getting to, they would have got to Beijing in wet season.

And that half of the race, there were a lot less roads. Like, built roads. Yeah. That would have been a nightmare. So they ended up switching around the other way. That's, this already is so, so, like, I mean, I understand that I've got a lot of, like, hindsight is powerful, and starting a giant race after you've just had to ship your car

to a place that doesn't usually have cars and therefore won't have roads, and that's where you're starting the race, seems like a bad idea. Yeah. Well... But I guess you're less tired because it's the start, so maybe it is a good idea doing the hard bit first.

Yeah, the hard bit first, yeah. Just imagine getting into Europe with, I assume, more roads, if you were saying that Beijing just had fewer roads down there. I think Beijing was okay. It was sort of outside of Beijing. No, that makes more sense. The more rural areas. Yeah, so it was really the big middle part.

Between major cities. Yeah, that makes sense. Going through Mongolia and Siberia apparently is a lot of rough stuff. I can obviously imagine it, but it just seems so rude to drive through somewhere that doesn't have a road. Cars are so destructive. Imagine getting in the car and it's like, okay, so you'd pretty much go like you're aiming your compass like that way for 30 days. Yeah. They didn't have roads, but most places had train tracks.

So they did a fair bit of driving on train tracks. Jesus. Get to in a bit. Chugga chugga. So who were the five contestants? I'd love to know. According to Tibbles, the first one to respond was Count de Dion, a doyen of the French motor industry, who replied in heroic terms,

quote, it is my belief that if a motor car can get through, the Dion Buton will get through. I take up this challenge here and now. So he provided cars. He didn't drive himself. So driving two identical. He didn't drive himself. So driving two identical. He didn't drive. No, he didn't drive.

Very heroic stance for a man that's just buying two cars. Well, they were his cars. So he provided two two-cylinder De Dion Bouton cars, one driven by Georges Cormier. I'm having a real stab. I'm just saying these like I think a French person might say. I think you're allowed. And Victor Collignon.

So they were two French drivers. Then we add in a four-cylinder 7.4-litre Italo car. Gee, there's a lot of litres. Was Sipione Borghese. So this guy had the best car. The most powerful car car at least. Yeah. I'll give you his full name because it's a bloody beauty.

Prince Luigi Marcantonio Francesco Rodolfo Scipione Borghese. That sounds like you're being so rude. Borghese is in like the car? Yeah. Is it modern day? Oh, no. That's Borghese. No. Borghese. Borghese is in like the car? Yeah. Is it modern day? Oh, no. That's a- A Borghese? No.

Borghese. Borghese. Not a Borghese. So Borghese was an Italian aristocrat, industrialist, politician, explorer, and mountain climber from the prominent Italian Borghese family. Prince Luigi's doing it all. This family, the Borghese family, stretches back centuries. So there's a bunch of notable people from it,

including from the 1500s and 1600s, Pope Paul V. I don't know if you're familiar with his work. Top five balls for me. Yeah, yep. And the lineage stretches all the way to current day with Lorenzo Borghese, who was the titular bachelor on the ninth season of American dating show, The Bachelor.

Whoa. Yeah, so big, powerful family through the ages. They've never weakened. Like the modern day Pope, like our Pope is The Bachelor. Is Pope the Pope also? No, the Pope's not. The Pope from back then, way more powerful than current Pope, I reckon. Oh, I thought you meant the Italian Pope is different to the Australian Pope,

and I was like, ah! I mean, if there was an Australian Pope. You reckon like Andrew Gaze or something? Yeah. Oh, Gaze-y. Pope Gaze the first. Oh, no, it'd be Pope Gaze the second. Of Yeah. Oh, Gaze. Pope Gaze the first. Oh no, he'd be Pope Gaze the

second because his dad Lindsay would have done the first stint, no doubt. Maybe the most interesting entrant in the race was

Dutchman Charles Goddard. Goddard. A former jockey and stunt motorcyclist. He was a smooth talking type who

found himself without a car when his original manufacturer pulled their car from the race. So he had a car set up. It was ready to head down, and then they're like, no, we're actually not going to let you have a car. If he enters on a horse, I'll be so stoked. Oh, my God. Well, I like the idea that he's a smooth-talker.

He's talking his way into a car for sure. You are correct. Undeterred, he travelled to Amsterdam to speak to Jacobus Spiker, the head of Spiker Cars, convincing him to provide one of his four-cylinder automobiles and filled it up with spare parts, spare tyres and all that sort of stuff. He also convinced him to pay the entry fee, which Goddard promised he would pay back,

though seemingly he never had any intention of doing that. Goddard, as it turned out, was a bit of a grifter. He promptly sold all the spare parts and used that money for his ticket to Beijing. So he didn't even have a way of getting there at this point. Oh, God. So I thought that he got to Beijing, realized he didn't have a car,

then went back to Amsterdam, then went back to Beijing with a car. No, no. He was still in Europe, went to Amsterdam, and then, yeah. But he got a car before having a way of getting to the start line. But luckily he was able to. But the spiker, the guy whose car it was, he's like, obviously you'll need all this stuff for this hot, hectic journey.

Obviously, no worries, I'll give you all the spares you need. Yeah. Because you won't make it without it. I'm clever. I figured out a loophole. He's my favourite of the entrance so far, and I didn't think anyone was going to pip Prince Luigi, but Goddard the smooth talker. According to Andrew Frankel, writing for Motorsport magazine,

Goddard arrived in China on the 16th of May with the Spiker, but otherwise he was penniless. While the other competitors had spent considerable time and money organising the necessary en route infrastructure, and in particular the crucial petrol dumps, so they'd all figured out along the way how they're going to get petrol, he didn't have any money for that, let alone time to plan any of it. So he had no cash until he managed to prize 5,000 francs from the Dutch consular official in Peking,

promising that non-existent letters of credit would soon arrive to meet the expense. This provided enough fuel for perhaps one-fifth of the 10,000-mile journey. The rest he would have to beg, borrow, or if needed, spirit away from the other competitors. So he was just winging it. He was just hoping it would come across a hose and he'll have enough breath left in him if the moment comes down to it. Goddard is maybe my hero from this point on.

Like at any point he could have turned around and been like, I won't do the race then. Got the car, and he sold all the spare parts. He could have just sold the car. Take the money, leave. What's he going to do, follow him back to wherever he lives? I wonder what his plan was here. I don't think he had one.

We'll find out after he wins this race. Yeah. I think he just loved the adrenaline rush. I guess stealing is also an adrenaline rush. He loves to grift. Yeah. He was born to grift. Feeling one step ahead of anyone you've dealt with must feel great.

Being able to... So he hustles a car, uses that car to then hustle a ticket to Beijing, then in Beijing hustles 5,000 francs. That's huge. That's massive. He's a genius. He's winning the hustle race. Yeah, he's coming first already before the race has started.

So that's the first four competitors. Finally, the fifth competitor was another Frenchman, Auguste Pons. Great name. In a one-cylinder, three-wheel Contour. Not a car. No, no. Is he in the Mr. Bean's enemy's car? Oh, he wishes.

Is it one wheel in back or one wheel in front? One wheel in back. Like a rudder. Yeah, it looks more like a... And it is basically a primitive motorbike. The good news is you only have to replace three tires. That's true. That's a tricycle.

The good news is that I don't think he probably needed to worry about that because I really, really struggled to think how a one-cylinder, three-wheeled car is going to fare at any point in this race. Yeah, does it start? It does start. All right. That surprised me. It probably also stops, I imagine.

I mean, you're not confident, but he was. Prior to the race, Pons insisted that, quote, a flyweight three-wheeler was indeed the very car to take on a 6,000-mile journey across two continents. I love how everyone's got wildly different ideas of how far it is. I was going to say, you said 10,000 before. Yeah. But if you only got three wheels, you don't have to travel this far. Yeah.

how far it is. You said 10,000 before. Yeah. But if you only got three wheels, you don't have to travel this far. Yeah, so I'll post photos on our social media, but yeah, it really just looks like,

so there's sort of, it almost looks like a, you know, there's a big seat in the front and a motorbike at the back. So sort of a two seater. Is he inside a vehicle? Like is he got?

No, it's not enclosed. He's open. Yeah. Oh my God. I'm kind of imagining it looks like a very old plane, it's not enclosed. He's open. Yeah. Oh, my God. I'm kind of imagining it looks like a very old plane, but with no wings. Yeah. I should pull up a photo. Come around on this guy.

I love it. Just go for it. Pons. Maybe he wins, and that's where Ponzi scheme comes from, even though it's not related. Ponzi, fun fact, first Ponzi scheme was done by a woman. It wasn't Ponzi. Whoa.

It was a woman who lived in the same town. Women can do anything. Women can be scam artists too. So there's some photos over there. That is absolutely a bike. That's a bike! Oh, my God. That looks more like one of those lie-down bikes that people have to do the big flags on

so they don't get hit by a car. It's that mixed with like a rickshaw-y type sort of vehicle. It seems like a people mover, but like to the next town. Yeah, not to the next continent. No. According to Tibbles, it was a vehicle so small that it had no room for serious rations or bedding. Something of a handicap when planning to spend the next three months traveling across the wilds of mongolia and siberia the drivers didn't race alone driving it with at least one other person in the vehicle either a

journalist mechanic or both uh as in like there's three or you're a journalist slash mechanic the race was set out along a telegraph line, meaning journalists were able to publish stories back in Europe as they went. I'd love to know how telegraph polls work. What do you, do you just go beep, beep, beep, beep? You're post-coding it or what? Or you can plug in your phone to each poll? I don't, or is it, it's like email.

Yeah, I don't know. Telegraph or telegram? Oh, I've written telegraph, but that's possibly wrong. Yeah. Telegraph is also the Morse code-y type thing, isn't it? Telegraph is... You got someone on the other end sort of translating

what you're saying? The three-wheeler is battling. It's Morse code. It's Morse code. Okay, great. Oh, fun. So you're there for about three hours

dictating your story. Hang on. Made a mistake. Hang on. Backspace, backspace. The first message was probably just race going bad. Send help. We dying.

So Goddard and Cormier traveled with journalists. Colin Young and Pons drove with mechanics, while Borghese had both a journalist and a mechanic. Of course he did. Yeah. It seems like Borghese's mechanic, Ettore Guisardi, also was his chauffeur doing most of the driving. Okay.

So when I read that, I'm like, oh, oh man this guy's in a race but he's just kicking back the more you say about Prince Luigi the more I'm like how much is he a mountain climber or did he ride on a Sherpa yeah that's right he was chauffeured up a mountain by another human being

but while he did have the most powerful car and a driver it was hardly a luxurious trip for Borghese. His car was open-topped and they drove through all sorts of conditions. So quickly recapping, we have the Italian prince Borghese in an Atala, the most powerful car in the race. Yep. Which is a 40 horsepower four-cylinder.

He was accompanied by journalists Luigi Bazzini and mechanic Ettore Guizzardi. So there's two Luigis in that car. Hang on, have I said too many? Oh, you're right, yeah. I mean, he has every name though. I don't think of him as a Luigi, but yeah, that's true. He is also a Luigi. Two Luigis, one car.

Prince Luigi, not a Prince Luigi. Then we have the 15 horsepower, four cylinder Dutch Spyker, driven by the jockey and stunt motorcyclist, Charles a Prince Luigi. Then we have the 15-horsepower, four-cylinder Dutch Spyker, driven by the jockey and stunt motorcyclist Charles Goddard. That's that grifter. That's the grifter. And he was in there with Jean Dutali, one of Le Matta's chief journalists, so one of the journalists of the sponsoring newspaper. The journalist that got in that, like, that that journalist is like this is going to be the best

story easily. Like he would have just heard like how the race started and been like oh I'm with you for sure. We could starve to death out there but it'll be worth the story. Then we had the two 10 horsepower two cylinder

Dian Bouton French cars driven by George Cormier with Edgardo Longhini as passenger and the other one with Victor Collignon and Jean Bizac as a mechanic. And finally, the six-horsepower, one-cylinder cycle car Contour driven by Auguste Ponce with Oscar Foucault as mechanic. Every description of this triggers my brain to just think of wacky races. Oh, yes. Loved it.

It just feels like a wacky races race. Short Dick Dastardly's not there too. Motley. According to Tibbles, from Peking, the route was to take them northwest to Mongolia and Siberia, across the barren Gobi Desert, over the uncharted plains of Siberia and eastern Russia to Moscow, and then via more recognisable roads to Warsaw, Berlin and Paris.

Even getting to Peking in the first place was an ordeal, Borghese being obliged to cross Asia on a horse, camel and foot. So like you were saying before, knackered by the time you get there. And he travelled on a foot. Yeah, on a foot. Incredible. That big Monty Python foot. They're rare these days.

The race hit trouble before it even began. The Chinese government was sceptical of the race. They thought it was a ruse to suss out local terrain to plan a future invasion. That's, to be honest, fair enough. Yeah, fair enough. So because of this, the Chinese authorities confiscated the contestants'

passports. But not the cars. Not the cars. So that you can leave. Yeah, it was sort of strange. I read somewhere that they were like, we want you to get these cars out of here as quick as possible. And they were like, same. No, we don't want you and your cars here.

Absolutely same. We've got some great news for you, because we're going to try and leave as quick as possible. Yeah, they were undeterred by losing their passports, and they all decided to race anyway. Tibbles continues. Given the unpredictable nature of the route through China, the quintet of drivers agreed to stay in convoy until they reached Arkusk in Russia,

after which the race could begin in earnest. It was an admirable notion, but one which founded almost immediately when barely a quarter of a mile out of Peking, Collignon and Pons both succeeded in getting lost. A quarter of a mile? A quarter of a mile. Oh my god, they live their. A quarter of a mile? A quarter of a mile. Oh, my God. They live their life a quarter of a mile at a time,

and they get lost after that. That's like you could almost see a quarter of a mile. Yeah, you can see a quarter of a mile. That is a visual distance. How? Bad directions. Yeah. You've got to understand, in 1907, very stupid.

All right. Tibbles goes on, Goddard fared little better. Unable to read a map, he had only the vaguest idea of geography. His spike was decorated in vertical stripes of red, white, and blue, and along the body were painted the words Siberia, Russia, Germany. This was supposedly to inform passers-by of the route, but there was also the suggestion that it served to remind Goddard which way to go. The hopelessly inadequate three-wheeler console

was struggling so badly on the uneven Chinese roads that Pons decided to retrace his steps and complete the first leg by train. What? How is that allowed? Well, I don't think it was. There's no rules, remember? Oh, yes. They weren't very specific about how there were no rules for the car race. The other four pressed on but took seven days to cover the initial 200 miles

or 322 kilometers. So very slow going. You can almost out-walk them. That seems really slow, right? Yeah. I guess they're getting lost and then getting back on track and getting lost. What was the top speed of a car back then, though? Because, like, 40 horsepower was the most powerful one, right?

Yeah, I think I read that that most powerful one could go up to, like, 96 k's per hour. Oh, okay. So that's still pretty fast. I mean, that's fast. Yeah, but I guess you have to have a good flat road to be able to's per hour. Oh, okay. So that's still pretty, I mean, that's fast. Yeah, but I guess you have to have a good flat road to be able to do that on. But even then,

if they're driving at like 50 kilometers an hour, that's a lot quicker than walking. You'd think, but the statistics you've given us. 50 kilometers an hour

and they're recovering, what, under 400 a day in seven days? Yeah. So that should have been a day. Right. That should have been a day. It should have been a day took them a week so three months yeah yeah they set out to prove that with a car they could go anywhere but really

they just proved that you can just go anywhere as a result of the rough condition on road services the cars were not able to run unaided until the mongolian plateau had been reached so they were Oh my god. The local people were just like, what the hell? Yeah. This is the future? A car being dragged by a mule is the funniest thing I think I've ever heard. Up a mountain. A car being dragged by a mule is the funniest thing I think I've ever... Upper mountain. A car being dragged by a mule up a mountain.

That's so annoying to anyone who lives there. Like, ah, you, I must abscond your mule. What? To prove that cars can go anywhere. Cars can go anywhere. They don't have to work anywhere. There were technically no rules. According to Marina Manoukian, writing for Grunge,

throughout the 1907 Beijing to Paris race, local people and their animals ended up being frequently enlisted to help push or tow the cars along the driver's journey. They found boulders and stones often blocking them, meaning they had to use a pickaxe to smash a path. When the cars were working their way through the Gobi Desert, so they slowly but surely were making their way. The Gobi Desert proved to be even trickier. Oh, you reckon?

Yeah. That's shocking. How do old cars go on sand? Yeah, I'm just thinking about the sand. Especially with the little narrow wheels. The big wheels, yeah. Pons in his three-wheeler Contour had gotten lost again. On a train.

Well behind the others. His car is literally a point. Yeah. Oh, no, sail away, isn't it? There's a wheel at the back. Yeah, one wheel at the back, two at the front. Points at the back. Yeah, you think it's just like driving into the sand.

I was thinking more like it is a point. How do you stray from your course? Right. You just follow a compass, right? Yeah. That's all right. That's all right. Howdy fair in there.

They're also meant to be following each other. And the telegraph poles. I don't fully get it. I guess there's some areas they can't ride right next to them, so they have to detour off and then lose them. Yeah. I'm thinking that every single time they get back together and they're all on the same path, someone's like,

I know a shortcut, immediately gets lost. And then it's just like everyone scatters for a bit, makes no distance, then comes back together. The same thing just keeps happening for seven days. I think there was a bit of that. Yeah, so Pons got lost again. He fell well behind the others and was massively underprepared

for the journey anyway. He was relying on the help of the other four teams. To this point, the other drivers, in particular Goddard, had helped Pons out with fuel and carrying his supplies.

It's amazing seeing as Goddard didn't have enough fuel himself. But Goddard carried a lot of his supplies in his car. Apparently Goddard, even though he was a grifter, had a real collegiate sort of teamwork vibe about him. He grifted. He forged a sense of community. I guess that's like I guess a key part

of being a grifter being a trustworthy guy being like Goddard wouldn't fuck me he gave me some fuel yeah Goddard would fuck you Goddard has fucked you

if you're wondering if Goddard's fucked you he's fucked you it's too late yeah so there in the Gobi desert the three wheeler contour run out of fuel and supplies.

Too far behind the other teams. Apparently Goddard had been making sure the three-wheeler was still going okay. But then the two French guys in the identical cars, they said, no, no, he's fine. Apparently. So he moved on. I was like, oh, okay. And Ponds in the three-wheeler was stranded in the desert without fuel, and he had no food or anything.

I am wondering if this is where the first count of death comes in. Well, let's see. So to survive. Okay, that's a good start. see So, to survive Okay, that's a good start Alright, to survive They had to drink water out of the radiator Well, just be glad that radiator fuel hadn't been invented then Or radio to cool it

According to Manoukian They walked 20 miles out from their vehicle and 20 miles back, finding no water, food, or people. Pons later tried to dig his car out, believing he could still somehow make it to Paris. It was in trying to dig... He just drained the radiator. It was in trying to dig and push out the car that the two of them collapsed. It was in trying to dig and push out the car that the two of them collapsed.

It was only by sheer stroke of luck that a group of nomadic people passed by before the end of the day. Upon coming across the two unconscious men, they took them back to their camp and nursed them back to health. The Contal was left in the desert where it's believed to still remain. Let's find it. Do go on Patreons. I'll meet you there. Let's go. We're doing the Gobi Desert.

We're finding this car. Yeah, we're digging it out. I reckon it can still get to Paris. All we need is coolant. Yeah. Coolant, and we've got Google Maps now. We'll be fine. So they survived.

They're out of the race. Only because they were saved. By pure luck. They would never have woken up, it sounds like. Oh, yeah, this is sounding pretty... You would have found their skeletons. Well, maybe not, because if the car's still out there, no one found their skeletons.

I guess the report would be different then. It would just be like, and then, yeah, the Ponzi car fell behind and then no one knows. No one knows what happened. Yeah, they could still be out there. Yeah, they could be racing still. Well, that journalist has got a sweet article to write, though. That's true.

Well, yeah, that's the other thing. We wouldn't have known any of that stuff if they weren't found. Yeah. Luckily, yeah, the story was able to be told. Back to Tibbles. The abysmal lack of preparation by the Contal team was in stark contrast to Borghese's crew. In advance, they had sent camel caravans out into the desert to lay down supplies of fuel,

tires, and provisions at strategic points. That's huge. That's like the first pit stops. Yeah, that's right. They did it. The extra power of the Atala gave it a considerable advantage in terms of speed, but its weight proved a handicap when crossing Mongolian marshland. At one point, the car suddenly sank in a bog, and they would have been in big trouble, but by a stroke of good fortune, a team of Mongolian horsemen appeared on the scene. There's so much luck involved in this. Oh, gosh.

They wedged planks under the wheels and got their oxen to pull, but this had no effect until someone had the bright idea of starting the engine. Oh, my God. Borghese's journalist Barzini recalled, at the sudden noise, the four terrified beasts pulled desperately. Oh. And suddenly the car came out of its furrow with one bound. So yeah,

it wasn't even just the engine, it was the noise. The noise, scaring the ox. Literal horsepower. Before that, the ox were like, I can't be fucked. Holy shit! Run! Fellas, let's get out of here! Let's just make it look like we're pulling. Activate the adrenaline in the ox.

After this, Borghese's crew carefully checked any sus terrain before driving over it. Learning. Yeah. That's one thing that pretty much every other racer in this race has lacked. Yeah. Learning and common sense. That's right. Yeah, totally.

When they reached the river Iroh, which I tried to which I couldn't find it in Google Maps or anything. There's a few places I'm like, they must have changed their names in the last hundred years. Right. They again needed the help of Oxen to drag the car through the waist-high water. I think there's photos of this as well. Of Oxen dragging Borghese's open-top car through the river. And it's waist-high with an open top. Yeah.

Oh, my Lord. So it wasn't even floating. No. I'm so glad they figured out cars. Cars were done. Now that they float, it's so much better. When Borghese reached the Russian border, they were a day ahead of the rest of the field.

So there was this agreement that they'd all stick together, but for whatever reason, Borghese had just lost them in my rearview mirror. He recalled later that our faces literally black with dust and over our clothes a thick crust of the different kinds of mud with which we had come in intimate contact all along the way. So they were the open top, they were just, they were wearing. You know when your car is driven through a river and through a dusty area and it's just caked in mud?

Yeah. That was Borghese. Back in the Gobi Desert, the Dutchman Goddard and his journalist companion, Jean de Talley, had their own troubles. Oh, no. Also getting stranded without fuel, which was surprising seeing as they did not have enough fuel. Yeah. I'm surprised it took that long.

Yeah. And especially because they were giving fuel to the Ponzi team. Ponzi. Are they more than a fifth of the way in? Yeah, the Gobi. yeah, I would say so. So they've done pretty well. That's actually really impressive. Yeah, I think they've been. They've grifted fuel out of thin air.

Exactly. Maybe every time they were giving Ponzi fuel, they were steel siphoning it. Yeah. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge Indigenous cultures. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices.

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18 plus subscription required. T's and C's apply. Goddard had tried to uphold his end of the bargain of driving in a convoy until Russia and for the most part had been sticking with Cormier and Collignon in the de Dion cars. He'd also done his best to keep Pons and his three-wheeler going until they lost contact. As Cormier and Collignon drove on from the stranded Goddard,

they promised to send fuel back from Oud, the next town along, which was 120 miles away. They gave him a little bit of fuel to get Kim Gump a little bit. But they're like, you'll run out soon. But from the next town, we'll send a few camels back with fuel. According to Frankel, Goddard and Dutali had two liters of water, a few blocks of concentrated soup, which could not be heated without petrol to start the stove, a cold maggot-infested and stinking chicken. I don't know why they kept that.

And some chocolate liquid and similarly inedible in the 47 degree Celsius heat. So it's fucking hot. Why do they need to reheat the soup then? Yeah, surely just leave it out in the sun. Yeah. But it's blocks of concentrated soup. Oh, so like you dissolve a bit in hot water. Okay, that would make

sense as to why you can't drink it. Blocks of concentrated soup makes me feel like that's a fancy way of just calling it like chicken stock. I reckon that's probably what it's going to end up being. Just did a quick so that's for the Fahrenheit people out there. That's 116 degrees.

Yeah. Pretty hot. Pretty hot. The fuel, though ordered, never arrived. They sat for two days in the desert. They had drunk all the water in the radiator. Oh. And Jean Dutali had become too weak with both dysentery and malaria to move.

Jesus. Oh, one of those is too much. Yeah, so that's his journalist. He's just become a liability, basically. Goddard, however, probably keeping his head high. Oh, yeah, he's fine. He's just looking for the next grift. Goddard realized that if they were to survive,

he would have to leave his friend and walk off into the desert to find help. He came back within two hours, leading an army of locals. Yes, Goddard! Yeah, of course he did. He can't even speak their language in his smooth talk, can he? Being a charismatic smooth-talking type, Goddard talked them into riding into Oud to bring back fuel. Once refueled, he drove 23 hours non-stop to catch the two Didions, who were 385 miles away.

He just went on a hectic drive. Is the journalist still shitting himself in the back seat? Put him in the boot. Give him a bucket. Goddard's still in this race. Yeah, he's fine. He's fine. This is a romp.

I'm having a romp. Back to the prince, Borghese. It's just quickly with Goddard. It's crazy they both almost died, and then immediately after that, he goes into a town, convinces everyone to come back and help, then drives for 23 hours without stopping. It wasn't even a town, convinces everyone to come back and help, then drives for 23 hours without stopping. It wasn't even a town. Remember when ponds couldn't find anyone walking 20 miles,

but Goddard just somehow stumbled upon a group of people out in the middle of nowhere. You know how the further you go back in time, it still happens a bit now, but the further you go back in time, when people have excessive privilege and wealth, the general belief is that it's because God picked them. Right.

They must be feeling. Maybe, because, yeah, like, how do you get out of this race and be like, well, thank God I'm God's favourite. Like, thank God I got all this nice stuff in the world. That's so lucky. Yeah, you must be. That's crazy. Yeah, of course.

How does it happen that many times in a row? Every single race car in this race has had some kind of like insane good luck. Even like at this point, even though like one of the drivers almost died, but then like pulled out of the race and the car was lost forever or whatever. The luck of being found whilst unconscious

is already crazy and people giving a shit yeah you know not just going oh they're dead they're strangers you know like to go up and check 1907 see a body in the desert not my business maybe you just assume they're dead because like i don't know you've got stuff to do you're busy you're a nomad you're moving that's great yeah all of these people have been so lucky. And it's all because of locals through the different areas they've passed through have lent them their animals and their help or their, you know, just food and everything. You know.

Amazing. It's good stuff. Except Goddard. He earned everything he did. He worked hard for it. He got everything he deserved. Give to the silver tongue, baby. What a guy.

He had a vision board. Yeah. All those things on it. Give to the silver tongue, baby. What a guy. He had a vision board and all those things on it. Yeah, one of them is not dying in the desert. So let's go back to Prince Borghese. So he's well ahead. Yeah, he's a day ahead when we left him. And yeah, he's only pulling away. Yeah. So he has a commanding lead.

According to Tibbles, the 6,000-mile journey across Siberia and Russia was distinctly uncomfortable for Borghese and his men, traveling in an open car in what was often torrential rain. To make matters worse- Just get a roof, mate. You're a prince. I think there's some photos with a tarp over the top of it. Really? I don't think that's doing the job like a tarp over the top of it. Really? I don't think that's doing the job.

Absolutely not. It's so funny because like cars had, like the other cars have roofs, don't they? I thought two or four had roofs. Yeah, I think maybe they did. Half of the car. So the three-wheel drive didn't and the yeah, the Bugatti car

doesn't have one. But then, like, if you're thinking I'm traveling for three months, surely, like, having my head protected, probably smart. That's not how cars were back then. You wouldn't even think of it. You're lucky. God picked you. And what he's wearing, he's wearing this, you know,

those old pointy style safari hats? Oh, yeah. The prince is wearing that the whole way around as well. He's like, that'll protect me from the torrential Siberian rain. It'll keep the sun off your head, that's for sure. Back to Tibbles. To make matters worse, following the construction of the Trans-Siberian Railway, much of the Siberian highway system was in a state of chronic disrepair, deteriorating into a series of bumpy tracks

and treacherous bogs. At Lake Bekal... I've done a few of those in my time. Treacherous bogs. At Lake Bekal, the road and bridges were impassable, so Borghese obtained permission to drive on the railway track.

When forced to make a hasty detour by road because of an approaching train, the Italo fell foul of a rickety wooden bridge which collapsed under the car's weight, almost crushing Borghese and his two-man crew. It can hold a train but it can't hold a car? No, he had to detour off and go on this little rickety... And what was the outcome? The car fell and

everyone was fine. Everyone was basically fine. And the car could still go? Yes. Okay, yeah. They lifted it back up. How did they lift the car off a broken bridge? Probably with a

mule. Nomads they found. No, it was actually Lift the car off a broken bridge. Probably with a local mule. A team of locals. Nomads they found. No, it was actually winched to safety from the ravine by a gang of Siberian railway workers. Oh, shush. I've always depended on the kindest of strangers. And returned back to the railway track, only to endure another near miss seconds later

when surprised by a freight train. That's so... Like, they're railway workers. They're like, oh, yeah, we'll put you back on the track. Good luck. Oh, shit! Duck! I feel like I forgot about that.

Later, when they were passing through the Ural Mountains, one of their wheels collapsed, the wooden spokes having been weakened by all the muddy roads and river crossings. Luckily, they found a local wagon builder, the only one for hundreds of miles, who was able to make a replacement. Just otherwise, I would have been fucked, but it happened near the only guy anywhere around who could fix the problem.

Also, wooden spokes for this journey. Also bold move. The only move, it sounds like. Yeah, all moves are bold here. So by now, though, they are weeks ahead of the rest of the field. They're flying. Let's go back and find out why the other... Apart from having a more powerful car,

the other racers, especially our man Goddard, hit trouble again. Oh, no! Come on, Goddard. It's just so we can get back up again. He did that long drive, 23-hour drive, caught up with him. Well, soon after he did, his car started struggling again. The rear axle was hit by a stone and had an oil leak. And sort of thinking on his feet, he repaired it by stuffing raw bacon into the hole.

Greasy. He is a genius, yeah. Tactical genius. He stuffed the bacon in the hole and ate that maggot infested chicken He could have desperately used some of the spare parts That he had sold back in Europe But then he wouldn't have been there And to be honest I'd be thinking

I wish I wasn't here That would be great Well now the journalist is going with the dysentery And malaria There's not much more mentioned about it. It probably got better. Or died and we don't talk about it. We're hearing about it, which means journalism happened.

Oh, that's true, actually. You're clever. So by now they were struggling through the harsh Russian terrain. In part with the help of horses, I think partly wild horses. Which I don't know what that means. Semi-wild horses. He was able to

grift a horse? He charmed a horse. Smooth talking a horse. You there. You there. Come on. The most attractive human I've ever seen. But eventually his car conked out once more

and he was stranded yet again. But he was still there with the De Dion cars and according to Frankel, the De Dion's carried on while Goddard telegraphed Spiker to request a mechanic be sent across Siberia with all the necessary spares. I don't know how he's already gone through all those spares.

Too long of a story, don't ask me questions. Spike, you fucked me. The spares. I don't know how he's already gone through all those spares. Too long of a story. Don't ask me questions. Spike, you fucked me. The spares, they didn't last. I need more spares. I am now your problem again. I'll sit here for four weeks waiting for someone to arrive. Was the plan to catch up?

Was he like, I did 23, I can do 46? Yeah. That was his hope. But, you know, each time he had to do it, it was a little more unrealistic. The car was a little more fucked. I've got stuff baking in. What else can I do?

Spiker dispatched a 20-year-old office boy, Bruno Stephan. Shouts to Bruno Stephan. This is the mechanic he sent out, an office boy. You there, office boy. You're going to Siberia. Yeah. So he sent him from, but he was, he had mechanical knowledge. Yeah.

He sent him from Amsterdam with the equipment while Goddard put the inert spiker on a train and traveled west to meet him, dropping off Dutali, the journalist, who was shitting himself, en route to be collected by the de Dion's. As Dutali was a journalist from La Mata, the sponsor of the race, his editor wanted him to stay with the bulk of the car. Oh, my gosh. This poor man. Yeah, so he would have been happy, I think, to stick with.

I'd like to go home to my family after the dysentery and malaria. No. Yeah, we'll put you in another car, though, I reckon. Yeah. Go with the winners. The De Dion team, shocked that Goddard would cheat so blatantly as to put his spiker on a train, telegraphed the officers of Le Matta to demand Goddard's disqualification. Whoa!

There's no rules here, baby. Yeah, there's no rules. And cheating, however, according to Frankl, couldn't have been further from our man Goddard's mind. Oh, nothing he does counts as cheating because he gets away with it. That's right. I don't think he's ever been accused of cheating in his life.

What are you talking about? How dare you? How dare you? But he really wasn't trying to cheat in this instance. Because he went, he was on the train, he got the ignition repaired, but he wasn't trying to cheat in this instance. Because he went, he was on the train, he got the ignition repaired, but he wasn't able to wait for Stefan, who'd

become delayed by bureaucracy in Moscow. So he's like, I can't wait any longer. So he climbed back on the train, heading east 1,500 miles, back to the same place where the spiker had conked out. So he didn't get any advantage. He took the car, got the ignition fixed, came back.

Took ages. And then started from that spot. Started from that spot. So it was the 25th of July, 19 days after the de Dion's had left the same spot, and the same day that 4,000 miles away in Moscow, Stefan finally boarded the Trans-Siberian Express. So he's back in the same place where he conked out. He hasn't got any advantage.

No. Okay. But he is now 19 days behind. Yeah, 19 days behind, but his car turns on. Those twins. Those dastardly twins. He keeps trusting them and they keep fucking him every time. So he's now wanting to catch up with Stefan.

And it took him five days of driving solo in 20 hours since with four-hour sleep breaks for him to catch up with Stefan. Stefan serviced the Spiker, fitted the new gear ratios, better suited to the terrain. Yep. But Stefan was unable to drive. I think maybe because he was 20. He jumped in the passenger seat.

So now he's got a... Okay, so he got a body. Yeah, he's got a co-pilot again. So he caught up to someone that was previously 5,000 miles away in five days. Yeah, 4,000 miles away in five days. Oh, he also jumped on a train. But that's still insane. Yeah.

And how do they know where to meet each other? I know, yeah. Even with phones, sometimes it gets confusing where to meet someone. Yeah, for sure. I'm near the McDonald's and the 7-Eleven. Which side? Yeah. I'm on the corner of the street.

Which way are you facing? Why would I know? It's a square. Towards a grey building? Where our boy Goddard is like Yeah I'll just drive Five days

Twenty hours a day Meet you there Meet you in the middle Alright Sort you out But he's still Way behind The twins

So they're 19 days ahead Oh no Now they're 24 days ahead Well yeah Because he's He's also had to Stop To

He had the car service But You know He's not stopping for ages. He's not dropping into five-star hotels or anything like that. No, no silly business. Fuel stops aside, it would be 29 hours before the spiker stopped again. Goddard was drawing on every scrap of his mental and physical resources to close the gap to the De Dion's, and nothing could stop him. A broken spring was patched up with wooden blocks.

At another point, a newborn baby flung from a riderless wagon was collected and delivered to a local priest. What? I'm not stopping for nothing. All right, maybe a baby. Flung? Flung from a wagon? I'm just glad he didn't use the baby to plug a hole.

That's what I thought that was going to be. This is still according to Frankl. So he saved a baby's life. Yeah, saved a baby's life on the way. I'm so glad I got on Goddard at the start of this without knowing anything about him. What a guy. I think we could all afford to be a bit more Goddard.

Yeah. Frankel continues, Goddard drove ceaselessly day and night, night and day, and when the headlamps gave out, Goddard made Stefan walk out in front of the spiker at night with a white towel tied to his back. Sorry, but he could... So you're only travelling at walking pace Yeah just following the boy Following a boy The office boy

So the boy can see nothing ahead of him No But if the boy runs into a wall You stop He's doing it a lot slower I guess Yeah so it's just like hands out in front of him being like, I hope I don't hit a rock or a car can, you know, avoid a bug that's going to bite you.

That's true. Yeah. We didn't think about Stefan getting bitten by bugs whilst being the torch. Well, the last boy got malaria. That's true. The last boy did get malaria and dysentery. But he got that while he was riding in the car. So maybe he's safer.

In this story, Cass, you can only assume that that passenger seat was absolutely full of muck. Oh my God, curse. So maybe that's what to be out the front. So maybe they still had a towel that was white. With that much dysentery and malaria, it's shocking that the car is not just making everyone sick, just solely from covered in shit. Do you reckon perhaps Goddard is some sort of

leech? Maniac? No, like maybe he sucks luck out of other people. Right. He sucks luck out of people, makes it his own? Yeah. He feeds on other people's good fortune. I love him. And if that ends up being true. Does the boy die?

Does the boy die? No, but by the end of this marathon, this long, ceaseless day-night, day-night drive, Stefan was so sick with utter exhaustion and dysentery that Goddard telegraphed Spiker and told him he did not expect him to make the end of the race. Just letting you know, the boy, you might need to get another office boy. So it wasn't even come get him. It was like, oh, he's gone. He's on the way out.

He's still walking out the front. He's going to start feeding his companions that rotting chicken. It's so funny. Is Goddard okay or does he also have dysentery at this point? He must. What is dysentery? Is it a contagious kind of thing? Yeah.

I thought it was a bacterial thing. Don't you get it from contaminated water and things like that? Yeah, which means that if everyone that he's traveling with is getting it, chances are he's exposed to whatever is given to him. Yeah, for sure. Especially the sharing water bottles, sharing radiators. Yeah. We sucked water out the sharing water bottles, the sharing radiators. Yeah. We sucked water out of the same radiator, bro.

Should get tested. In Kazan in southwest Russia, the Spiker caught the Dedeons, which had enjoyed an untroubled run. Oh my God. So they were just cruising along and he's caught them up by just driving like a wild amount.

It would be so funny from their point of view, just to have been having a cruisy drive. And then all of a sudden, like I just, a wild maniac man. And he's very sick. Nearly dead boy. Never met that boy either.

Who's that boy? He's unwell. What happened to your other guy? I traded him for a boy. No, because the other guy's with them now. Yeah, they've got the other guy. Yeah, that's right. The other guy's like, oh, so I'm replaceable?

Are you going to give him another boy dysentery? So they've caught up. So the main packers all caught up again. Goddard entered Kazan at four o'clock in the morning of the 8th of August, having covered in 14 days the same distance the De Deons had managed in over a month. Jesus Christ! Goddard's last 24-hour stint saw more land travel under the wheels of the Spiker than the De Dion's had seen

in the previous four days. He'd traveled three and a half thousand miles, not one inch of it on anything recognizable as road. As you're forgetting that this whole time has been on like dirt tracks and... This is unbelievable. Yeah. Wild. But I do believe it, Goddard.

So I do believe it because our boy. By this stage, our man, the Prince Borghese was still weeks and weeks ahead of the chasing pack. And he was nearing the finishing line. He was so far ahead that the Ital went on a lengthy detour from Moscow to attend a party in their honor in St. Petersburg.

Oh, this is rabbit in the hairstyle hubris. Yeah. He's taken a nap. He's taken a nap at the last leg. I checked it on Google Maps. It's around eight hours each way today, which are what I imagine are real roads. So it would have been like a day. When you just want it to end.

So confident. I just want to get to the finish line. Well, I guess at this point, he's so confident. I guess, would he somehow be getting information how far behind everyone else is? Yeah, I guess if they're all contacting. And they're on the telegraph pole, yeah. Then I guess he'd be like, whatever, I've already won, so might as well take it at my own pace and make it more enjoyable.

But wouldn't you also be like, why can't they have a party for me in Moscow? Yeah, I'd say a party in Moscow. How about a party at the finish line in Paris? Yeah, but do you know what? There have been situations in my life where I would have driven eight hours for a shower. Yeah, okay. I hear that. Yeah, that's true.

Probably it was like, oh, decent food. Like, why not? If you find out that it took them a month to travel a certain amount of distance that you've already cleared, you're like, well, they're not catching up to me. Yeah, that's true. You don't know the God art of it all. And apparently it was a feast. Whoa. And probably a bed. Old school. Yeah, that's right. Yeah.

And they were caked in dirt and everything. Probably even a shower. Oh, imagine that. They could probably even wash their car. When were showers invented, Dave? Don't know why I'm asking you that. I'll have to Google that. I would I mean. They could probably even wash their car. When were showers invented, Dave? I don't know why I'm asking you that. I'll have to Google that. I mean, 1907's pretty close to World War I

and I'm pretty sure they had showers. They weren't washing in 1907. 1767. Okay, so we're all good for a shower. As I said, I'd drive eight hours for a shower. I have no idea about things. Oh no, I get it too. History is a mystery to me. I absolutely adore that you were thinking cars and you're like,

have we nutted out the shower yet? I didn't know. We got a car. Do you reckon we figured it out? Yeah, but that's a fair call. Cars probably came after showers. That's a fair call. Cars probably came after shells.

So in the end, it took Borghese's Italo two months to the day to reach Paris. You think about all these times we've been talking about the others. Yeah. The whole trip for Borghese was two months. Including a detour for a party. Yeah. His traveling companion, journalist Luigi Barzini said, I cannot convince myself that we have come to the end, that we have finally arrived.

I can't believe it. It was such a struggle for us, the two Luigis. But can you imagine being the journalist and this prince is like, yeah, let's go to this party. And he's like, oh my fucking God, we are so close. We're so close to home. Arriving in Paris, Borghese was hailed as a hero. It was big news, this race.

Yeah. Makes sense. Interviewed by reporters, Borghese said, quite modestly, every day when we awoke, we concentrated on nothing but getting the day's stage done well. Such a journey requires more patience than daring. I don't know about that.

Speak to the other guys, I reckon. I think, well, maybe they should have been concentrating on doing one day's stage well as well. Yeah, that's true. It does also sound like he probably had the superior car, which is maybe the main advantage. And a chauffeur. And an extra, there was three

of them. Yeah, there was three of them. They had the better car, and he also brought heaps of spare parts, knowing for well, and had the Thor side to the Camel's Fuel. So he basically won because he just thought about it enough. Yeah. I wonder if that was a wealth thing or if that was a forethought thing. Because Goddard doesn't think ahead. He's just very good at thinking at the now.

Yeah, seat of the pants kind of guy. Yeah, you wonder if Borghese hit real bad trouble. Yeah. He would have had the luck of bumping into locals who could fix him up. While the race had been run, the other three cars forged on. Then on August the 30th, 20 days later, the final three cars arrived together in Paris. Ending the 1907

Peking to Paris motor race. So only one car failed of the five. And no deaths. And no zero deaths. And that means it was two months to the day for the first place. Equal second for cars two, three and four did it in two months and 20 days,

which is less time than they said because originally it was a three-month race. That's right. And your man Goddard is said to have come second. Oh, I mean, in spiritually he came first. He won. Yeah. There were too many victories to count for him.

But one thing I will say is he wasn't in the car when it crossed the finish line. He wasn't in the car? What do you mean he wasn't? Where was he? Well, in the car when it crossed the finish line. He wasn't in the car? Where was he? Well, in the final stages, the Dutchman's dramas continued. The money he obtained from the Dutch consul in Peking

finally caught up with him when a Paris court found him guilty in absentia for obtaining the money by deception and sentenced him to 18 months in prison. He got arrested? At this point, he was still racing while this court case was going on. According to Frankel, just outside Berlin,

Le Matta had him arrested, ostensibly because of his conviction, but some also suggested to make sure a French car was first into Paris after the Italo. Oh! Also suggested to make sure a French car was first into Paris after the Italo. Oh. Spiker placed a works driver named Johann Frilling in the driving seat for the last leg of the journey, leaving Goddard in Germany facing an extradition order. But Goddard was not yet done. Yes.

Yeah. Eight miles from Paris, the convoy stopped to regroup and Goddard was there. They're ready for the final procession. He'd been extradited to Paris. Yep. As Freeling, the replacement driver, bent down over the starting handle. I guess that wind-up thing. Yeah. For the last time, there was a disturbance in the crowd. A man burst forward, stumbled, fell, stood, and ran to the spiker's vacant driving seat. Goddard, temporarily beyond the clutches of the law,

had come to drive his spiker into Paris. It took a swarm of police to forcibly remove him. Shouting as he went to his old friend Dutalus to take over the spiker, he'd never driven, providing him with gear-changing tuition as he was carried away. He's like, Dutalus, you've got to be the one to drive it. Then we've done it as a team.

Not this new guy. It won't feel right if it's not you. Please, Duke Talos. And he's like, the gear shift's a little shaky. You've got to twist it. Do the movements I know. Twist it.

That's it. I think exactly what it is. It's a little finicky. And the key, it'll turn. It'll feel a bit wee, but you've just got to hold on. And what are you going to do? Don't let go.

Just into the crowd. Oh, I love that. I'm just so wild that he was able to break out of custody. To almost drop. Like, what did he think was going to happen? Well, the same thing that always happens to him. What he wants. Yeah, that's true.

No, it's sad that consequences finally caught up to him. Yeah, that's true. It's sad that consequences finally caught up to him. Yeah, that is sad. Well, sort of. Because Frankel concludes, Goddard being Goddard, talked his way out of prison. Yes! Our boy! But little of his life is known thereafter. Though he did enter another

race or raid the following year, which I might do as a topic in the future, the 1908 New York to Paris race. Oh, I think I've heard about this one. That one, they would have had to get on a boat? They did.

Yeah, I think. Is that the one where they look, I know that this will be entered in another report, but wasn't the plan to drive through winter so that the parts of the... I'm pretty sure in the 1908 New York to Paris race, and I know that this is... And I could be wrong,

and I probably won't be back for the next episode, so... Maybe we could reunite the same team. The race car bunch. Yeah, because I'm pretty sure what they did at points was they were like, well, a car can't drive on water, but it can drive on ice. Oh, God. So I think they go, like, up.

And, yeah, things go real bad, real fast. I only read about it briefly. I didn't see that, but that's great sizzle. Well, let's see how the people like this one. They might hate this one. They could hate this. No more car. Everyone loved Goddard, but fuck Goddard.

So we're coming up to the end here. Obviously, the race is over. According to Tibbles, following its remarkable victory, the Itala was in great demand and was shown in London at the 1908 Olympia Motor Show. However, the car met an untimely end when, en route to being shipped to New York for another exhibition, it rolled into the dockside water at Genoa. the car met an untimely end when, en route to being shipped to New York for another exhibition,

it rolled into the dockside water at Genoa. The car was eventually salvaged but was badly damaged. The Italo thus went down in history as being the only car to survive a 10,000 mile race but not the subsequent exhibition. It survived everything. Yeah, except being displayed. Yeah, the view of the public. The last thing I was going to tell you about, there's been a few tribute races run in the years since.

And according to this great resource I found called Wikipedia.org, in 2007, the Endurance Rally Association staged a rally to celebrate the centenary of the original 1907 race. Unlike other tribute races, this one followed more faithfully to the route taken by Prince Borghese in the 1907 race. Even heading to St. Petersburg where Borghese attended his great banquet. Had a party. 126 veteran, vintage and classic cars took part, the oldest being a 1903 Mercedes.

Four. The major challenge of the rally proved to be Mongolia and the Gobi Desert with no conventional roads. Despite this, 106 crossed the finishing line after the rally covered 12,642 kilometres in 36 days. So it wasn't even that much quicker.

No. I mean, and they were using old cars, but they had a lot more support. Yeah. And they knew to bring the stuff. More roads. Really, to me, it holds up that... Yeah, it's still impressive. ...Forghese's original, and all four of them who finished it.

Yeah. With all that to go through. It is crazy that not a single person died. Yeah, isn't that incredible? Yeah. So much luck involved and the goodwill of people. The kindness of strangers. Yeah, really.

Most of Van's family are getting that news. Your boy will be dead. But then he probably didn't die. Yeah, I don't think he died, did he? Well, no, as far as I know, everyone survived. He didn't die in the race. Yes. It's hard to go back to an office job after that.

Yeah. He's just dead in the eyes with that middle distance stare. This means nothing. You haven't seen what I've seen. Yeah, happy 21st birthday. You can get your license now or whatever. No thank you. Yeah, he never drove again. Happy 21st birthday. You can get your license now or whatever. No thank you.

He never drove again. Well, that brings me to the end of the report. Thanks so much, Douche and Cass, for joining us. Before you go, we've got a little thing. We've got everyone's favorite section of the show, but Dave and I will do that in our own time. Yeah, that's fine. If you don't mind. That's a sacred point.

Your own time. I get that. I understand. But before we get on to that, listeners who aren't familiar with sans pants where can they find all your you're on both of you're on multiple sans pants podcasts yes uh so you can find me on plumbing the death star which is a comedy pop culture podcast baseless speculation which is a comedy pop culture podcast where we speculate on what we think is going to happen in upcoming pop culture releases. Kind of like think of like a YouTube video where it's like 10 things you missed.

But imagine everyone involved in the podcast is very stupid and doesn't really know what they're talking about. And it's not about what you miss. It's about what you don't know yet. Yeah, and it's one of those things where every now and then we're surprisingly right about one thing, and then people tell us that we're right, and then it makes us feel good, even though we're wrong about 150 times before that one right. I'm also the host of Thumb Cramps, which is a video game review podcast.

Yeah, that's the big three I do. They're all on the Sandspence Radio Network. Or you can find me on Twitter at douche13, D-U-S-C-H-1-3. Yeah, you can also find me on the Sandspence Radio Network. I'm on D&D is for Nerds, but I'm also on Shut Up a Second, which is a wonderful, silly little thing where you'll learn one to two things each episode. And a lot of it's just fun little chats. I have a great time on there. Joel's been on it. I have. It's a great podcast. It's fun. Come listen. Thanks so much for having us. Speaking of fun podcasts, do go on. How could we's fun come listen thanks so much for having us this is speaking of

speaking of fun podcasts oh yeah do go on how can we not mention oh thank you so much for having us and you're welcome for us having you at the sanspence radio studio in this podcast 69 it's beautiful it's beautiful what do i do thank you so much thank you welcome to everyone's favorite section of the show where we get to thank some of our great patreon supporters who help make this show happen uh i was going to be doing with dave um but unfortunately since then i've hit the road recording a new show called good tucker Saren Jayamana as host. Hello, that's me.

Yes, very good to be here. So we're driving from Mallacoota in the Far East. It's apparently, I found this out the other day, it's the northernmost coastal town in Victoria. That's right. So it's about halfway between Melbourne and Sydney. Yeah, so it's about, I mean, we say halfway using that term quite liberally because it's about seven hours from Sydney and about six and a half hours

from Melbourne. Yeah, so maybe Melbourne edges out Sydney there for convenience. But it's closer to halfway between the two than Canberra. That's true, yeah. Our so-called capital city. Yeah. So, yeah, we just did an episode there in Mallacoota where Saran met Lucy who runs a restaurant there in Mallacoota had a great time it's called Lucy's yeah you didn't ask her how she came up with the name but that would have been a good

oh that's a that's a voiceover yeah I could be a voice this is a little peek behind the curtain for the um the listeners we went out on the boat yesterday what else we do we fell down a sand dune fell down a sand dune we ate a lot of good food talked to the uh former captain of the cfa who obviously got a hero here in malakuta yeah from the bushfires a couple of years ago. Rod. Rod was great. Rod. Rod's work.

Anyway, that's all we're here for. He loves a bit of fishing, Rod. He loves a bit of fishing. Oh, dear. You've come to the right section of the show. Great. That's what I want to hear. Wordplay is king.

And without, you're filling in for Dave, who is the pun master. Big shoes to fill. Big shoes to fill. Not literally. He has small feet. So, Seren, you haven't been on the show before, so I'll explain as we go. But basically, if you want to support the show, not you, Seren, I know you don't want to.

I'm just sort of supporting it. You are in a way. In my own way right now. That's true. So, if you go to patreon.com slash do go on pod you can support our show there on a bunch of different levels the first one that we normally talk about is the fact quote or question level uh and if you sign up on the sydney schoenberg level you can get involved in this has a little jingle it's good it's called fact quote or question the

jingle just says those three words or four words fact quote a question you want to sing a little jingle for that just on without that fact quote a question yeah that wasn't the jingle i'm just gonna say yeah a bit more melody would be ideal fact quote a question it's the fact or quote or question. That was fantastic. Thank you. Ding, he always remembers the ding. And the way to get involved in this, go to the Sydney Schomburg level, you get to give us fact or quote or question.

You can also give us a brag or a suggestion or whatever you like really. That's blown out a bit since it began. But I read out four each week Saran, so if you're ready I'm going to read out some to you like really. It's blown out a bit since it began. But I read out four each week, Saran. So if you're ready, I'm going to read out some to you right now. Okay, let's do it. The first one comes from Miguel Acosta, who you also get to give yourself a title. Okay.

Do we make it clear we're in the back of a car? Well, we said we were driving from Malacuna. Okay, so that was pretty good. The assumption, it's not a go-kart. Yes, it was implied. It's fair to, yeah. So in case there's any car-like sounds, we're going around a very windy road.

This is the windy road that leads into Malacuta. There's only one. Yeah, it's also the windy road that leads out of Malacuta. That's true, and that's the way we're heading. Yes. So Miguel Acosta has given himself the title of Big Boy Miggy Seaman. Is that a verb? Acosta?

Acosta. It's a surname in this case. Okay. Not someone who accosts. Yeah. I'm an Acosta. Yeah. I've accosted you.

I'm an Acosta. Is this the type of puns that Dave would do? I think so. They're big shoes. They are big shoes to fill. A little feet. Miguel has offered a suggestion, writing,

my name's Wiggy, my name's Miggy Wiggy, and I'm here to say, I'm giving a suggestion that do go on way. I'm about as happy as everyone else to see the world slowly emerge. Okay, I don't think he's doing that. No, the rap had ended, I think. I think the rap the rap yeah i was impressed by the way you committed to the rhythm

i'm about as happy as everyone else to see to see the world slowly emerge from the covid chrysalis we've been in for the past two or four hundred years i can't tell anymore and i'm beyond happy to see that my favorite facty boy is getting real life live shows underway. The only thing that makes me a bit sad is that I can't actually be there for the live shows the way that I could for the digital live shows. Made me feel like I was actually there supporting one of my favorite podcasts. Now enough fapping about from me. My suggestion slash question is is what are the chances that you'd implement a digital live stream element to your live shows for your fans outside of

australia let me throw my money at you please anyway love you call your mums dave congrats on getting married and matt and jess congrats on waking up every day one last thing how'd you like to eat my shit? Well, that's very beautiful, Miguel. Thank you so much for that message. That was a beautiful message. That was a beautiful message. Quite a rollercoaster.

Had a lot in it. Yeah. And I presume that that's a, is that sort of a running joke or an in-joke? Oh, the how'd you like to eat my shit? The Dave getting married. Oh, Dave getting married. Yes. Yeah, Dave getting married, yes. Yeah, yeah, obviously he is a virgin as not married.

But yeah, a little running joke. We've got going that Dave got married, yeah. It was pretty, he went to great lengths. He even got photos taken. Someone a model as his wife. The giveaway was the big shoes. with the big feet uh thank you for that uh suggestion and question Miguel I think we could probably do another live stream one at some point um but Miguel would like you to incorporate some sort of digital element into the live show oh I think it wasn't that the question yeah maybe it was yeah or the suggestions

yeah which we did in the live streams we did during covid which is the main reason we did those because people weren't allowed to come out yeah add the bonus of uh people from outside of australia being able to watch as well yeah good i'll uh i'll pass that on to uh dave and jess i think that we could do another live stream at some point down later in the year, I reckon. Thanks, Miguel. The next one comes from Sophie Shooter. Sophie Shooter. Can't believe I still get your name wrong, Sophie.

Apologies for that. Sophie's got the title of group mum. Be nice to your sister, it's her birthday. And hers is a brag. This is it. Sophie writes, not really a brag uh this is it sophie writes not really a brag more of a mention it's my sister's birthday today oh that's right sophie messaged me saying that asking if uh i could say this one on this particular episode and i said i'll forget almost definitely but it looks like you've nailed it looks like i nailed it and if i have done this on the right date anyway um for christmas i bought her a bracelet with beads that signifies morse code i gave her until her birthday to work out the code and she hasn't got it yet so calf if you

don't want to know stop listening now there's a long-running joke in my family that she is adopted. So when I saw this bracelet, I just had to get it for her. So please say a big happy birthday to my, quote, this is what the Morse code says, unbiological sister Catherine. You don't look a day over 38. That's a beautiful message, a beautiful birthday message. That's a beautiful message. That's a beautiful message, a beautiful birthday message.

That's a beautiful message, and I would suggest probably one of the most complicated Morse code messages to decode in the history of Morse code. I hope she's been able to do it. I really believe in Catherine. I think she would be able to crack that code. She probably has cracked it, but she's a bit in denial. Yeah. Yeah.

I think it's time to face facts. Catherine, you're adopted. Nothing wrong with that. Thank you, Sophie. Happy birthday, Catherine. Next one comes from Daniel Headley. He's also got a brag, but Daniel's given himself the title

of resident dickhead of the pod. There's obviously a lot of few candidates for that role, but Daniel has the title, and Daniel's brag is, every time I give myself this title, you three fight over who the actual resident dickhead is. Hopefully, I just did it again. No fighting here, Daniel.

It's you. You're it. We've finally come to terms with it. You are the official dickhead of the podcast, and we bow down to you. And finally this week, we've got Kate Hopner. It took me a while to read the spelling. Yeah, you ran through it a few times in here. There was a spelling guide, and it took me a while to read the uh the spelling yeah you ran through it a few times in here there was a spelling guide and it took me a couple of days and i think you've not actually

you have to pretend that oh the o's are there hepner yeah that's funny like you hepner took me a few reads and i still got it wrong and kate is the acting director of panicking department the panicking department. An important department. And Kate's question is, any chance of a sneaky trip to Brisbane soon? Yeah, I reckon there's a chance. We just announced the Sydney show last week, or this week. So surely Brisbane's next on the list.

I reckon your answer to that should be that we went there, but it was a little too sneaky. Yeah, it was very sneaky. So you didn't know, Kate. Yeah. We were there right now. No one really came because we didn't tell anyone about it. But that's a great idea, Kate.

Thank you so much for the suggestion. The next thing we like to do in this great section of the show. We'll just go. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I told you it goes about 30 to 40 minutes. So, you know, we got... I saw us get to the end of that spreadsheet and I was like, well, that was a breeze.

No. I'm happy to be here. Well, I mean, we've still got about six hours to go on this drive. The next thing we'd like to do is thank a few of our other great supporters who have been on. Most of these people have been on, I think, for about a year and a half supporting the show yeah lovely and uh normally just comes up with a little bit of a game to do normally it's like a word based game based on the a wordle based game based on the topic so this week's episode was about the picking to paris car race so you know in a past episode we might have done

like you know about bigfoot then each person got allocated a different kind of cryptid or something okay so maybe in this car maybe they could you could give them each a uh a kind of automobile to race in there were five cars in this race and one of them was like a three-wheeler one horsepower bike that did not make it very far okay very under prepared for the race so maybe you could give everyone their own uh you know automobile of any style yep okay and i'll go through the names happy let's do it all right awesome well first up from albuquerque in new mexico in the united it's nathan swap what's nathan uh driving in all right nathan i think you'll be driving in a honda crv on the crv yeah yeah that's sort of like an all

roads kind of automobile yeah i i don't i think um you know nathan you're coming from the us um so you know you you might have to you probably be driving on the wrong side of the road so i didn't want to give you too challenging be driving on the wrong side of the road. So I didn't want to give you too challenging a vehicle. You've got the Honda CR-V. Yeah. It's a good car. It's a reliable car.

That's all I think. I think. Am I playing this game right? I think so. Yeah. I mean, you could go, it could be anything. I'm looking at the list and it's long. And so I wanted to just.

There's nine names. Yeah. You've got to give yourself somewhere to go. Yes, exactly. So I start with the CR-V. You finish with the flying elephant or whatever. Exactly. Yeah. You've got to give yourself somewhere to go. Yes, exactly. So I start with the CR-V. You finish with the Flying Elephant or whatever. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Thank you very much, Nathan, for all your support.

I'd also love to thank from Amersfoort in the Netherlands, Nicole Rowlink. Do you reckon that Row, would you say that, Rowlink? I think you dropped the O, so I think it's Relink. Relink. Yeah, okay, good. If Kate Hepner has anything to go by, I think you've got to drop the O. Always drop the O. Ah, it's relink really yeah okay if if kate hepner has anything to go by i think you got to drop the oh draw always drop the oh ah that's the dutch way ah thank you so much nicole what's nicole driving i think nicole you're going to be driving a john deere ride on tractor oh

that's good yeah the uh the iconic green and gold yeah the green and gold with the deer on the side and the words john dear yeah as opposed to a non-ride-on tractor some some tractors are push they've got a push tractor that's beau the sound guy by the way making a little cameo i think even there's uh it's good to know someone's listening yeah that's right so yeah, I think it's a ride on tractor. Ride on mower is what I meant to say. Thanks for pulling me up on that, Beau. Save you getting the tweets. John Deere also make ride on mowers.

I'll have you know. And it's lucky because that's what Nicole Reelink will be riding, driving. And looking very smart. I mean, that's going to be a great front runner, Nicole, for the other races. Yep. That could be really just sort of mowing a path. Yes.

For the races to come in, getting rid of all that long grass. Thank you so much, Nicole. I'd also love to thank from Pittsfield in, I reckon, Massachusetts in the United States, Martin it's actually G Martin because you got to drop the O you got to drop the O if there's an O followed by an E you always drop the O O before E drop the E you see yeah O before E only keep the E you see yeah that's uh so what's joe i'm miggy wiggy and i'm here now i i just sorry to jump off joe because it's joe's moment in the patreon but miggy wiggy we just assumed that that was meant to be read as a rap i would like to revisit it at some point it could have just been hey it's miggy wiggy and i've got something to say

you know oh you don't think he was actually yeah that's true i haven't really considered that uh so joe and what was joe's surname joe's joe's surname was martin joe martin or g martin g martin coming from Massachusetts. I'm going to say G. Martin. Your vehicle is a 1972 Ferrari, but it's a matchbox car Ferrari. So is he being shrunk down to drive it, or he's really walking with the car in his pocket i'm not in charge of the logistics okay but that's what he's got to work with but i will say this it's a collector's it's still in the box still in the box okay so yeah you got a decision

to make if you do have ant-man style shrinking powers hey you might lose the race joe but you you definitely got something very valuable you get to keep keep the car. So, you know, that's a win, I think. I'd also love to thank from Fairfield in Queensland, Australia, Alexandra Munster. Alexandra Munster. Alexandra Munster. And you're from Fairfield in Queensland. Alexandra, I think the vehicle that you will be in charge of

is a IGA trolley from the Eager they call it Eager in Queensland but it's an IGA trolley make sure you bring some coins Alexandra because you're gonna have to put a coin in to get to get it get the trolley pick it up from but yeah I think hopefully alexandra's her leg of the race is down a concrete hill you can if you uh get a bit of momentum going on foot ahead of time you can sort of jump into the trolley and that momentum will carry you from picking to all the way to paris paris jeez you know yeah you'd have to get a pretty good head start yeah start on a downhill yeah because you got to go through the goby desert

and that's hard to get traction on a trolley there's a lot of dunes there yeah yeah uh but we wish you all the best at least you don't have to worry about fuel. A few of the races, a few of the competitors had some real fuel issues, running out of fuel and whatnot. I promise you this, Alexandra, you will, with an IGA trolley, never have to worry about fuel. Never have to worry about fuel. That's good. A couple of people survived by drinking the water out of their radiators,

but she also won't be able to do that. Guess what you've got in a trolley? Plenty of water. Oh, see, that's a stocked trolley. Yeah, I mean, take it. It's just been from the supermarket. Don't take the trolley. You're already at the IGA.

Yeah. Wander the aisles a little bit first. That's true. Good point. Thank you, Alexandra. I'd also love to thank from Idaho Falls in Idaho, which makes a lot of sense in the United States, Big Stupid Jeff.

Big Stupid Jeff in Idaho Falls. Beautiful name for a boy or girl, I'd say, Big Stupid Jeff. Yes. Big Stupid Jeff, I think that your vehicle is probably my favorite vehicle of all the races in this event. And it's actually a hot air balloon. It's a hot air balloon. Hot air balloon.

Yeah. Yeah, that's a mutt. I mean, if the breeze is blowing the right way, that's... You can get from Peking to Paris. Do you think as a, because it is a motor race, do you think the organizers would allow that? Or do they have to just like chuck wheels on just to, you know, in technicality there's like an air bud scene where the boss is like going

through the rule book. Well, there's nothing here to say that an air balloon can't enter the race maybe the so the okay the wheels um are you know there's like there's a tax loophole at least in victoria where it's cheap but you don't have to pay certain land tax or something if you're if it's a caravan at a caravan park. Yes. So there's concreted-in caravans at caravan parks just to get through the loophole. So they've got to have the wheels on them, even though they're clearly never going to be towed behind a car again. Yeah.

And I think the wheels, Big Stupid Jeff actually has, you know uh i think they're training wheels right yeah i think they're training wheels because when he's pretty he's big he's stupid yeah no one's gonna trust him with an actual hot air balloon straight away yeah you gotta learn the ropes the first you gotta roll before you can fly exactly when you're learning how to fly a hot air balloon they actually come with training wheels yeah I don't know if you know that

I didn't know that that's fascinating thank you very much big stupid Jeff nine is a long list of competitors well normally it's three each

when Jess and Dave are here oh yes so yeah but I thought let's stick with it yeah I feel like we were

up to the challenge I'm having fun I'm getting slower but I'm having fun. I'm getting slower, but I'm having fun. You're giving more detail each time. I'd also love to thank from Manchester in Great Britain, Keenan Hinchcliffe. Keenan Hinchcliffe.

Hinchcliffe. Hinchcliffe. You're right. Yes. Jeez. You're reading over my shoulder better than I can read. In front of my shoulder. I know. I've just been tripped up by this before.

Right. I have a friend, and his surname is Hinchcliffe. Hinchcliffe. And for the longest time, I thought he was a cliff, but he's a leaf. Yeah, I've never heard of Hinchcliffe. I've only heard of Hinchcliffe. I've got a cousin called Hinchcliffe. Yeah, well, you should double check that, I reckon. Maybe I should.

You should go back and just make sure he's not a Hinchcliffe. Yeah, well, you should double check that, I reckon. Maybe I should. You should go back and just make sure he's not a Hinchcliffe. So what's Keenan in? Keenan is keen as mustard, I think. Which is why he is in a converted...

It's one of those... Back in the day when they were promoting Red Bulls in Australia anyway, they used to have these cars that would go around and they'd do promos. They have a big can of Red Bull on the back. Yes. He's in one of those, but it's a mustard bottle. Oh, yeah.

Colonel Mustard. Yeah. It's probably also a Honda CR-V, to be honest, but it's got attached to it a bottle of Keen's Mustard. Wow, I love that. Big Mustard fan. Yeah. Love Mustard.

Thank you very much, Keen, and I think that's a sick ride, especially if you've got, like, all the Mustard samples in the back. Yeah, because... You could survive on Mustard for months. But you also have a bit of responsibility throughout the peaking to paris racing that you have to be handing out samples you're spreading the good word of mustard yeah yeah yeah i think that's awesome so yeah it's almost like a it's like a missionary for mustard yes and it's going to make it hard to win the race

you kind of have to get out in front early of the peloton. Depends on what you mean by winning, because if winning is winning the hearts and minds of new people... Well, Keenan, you are in the box seat. Yeah. And the driver's seat of a Honda CR-V with a mustard bottle on top. What is the box seat? I think it's at the theatre when you go to the theatre.

Oh, yeah. You have a box. Right. Backstage, there's a box and there's a seat in it. Yeah. And if you're... At the theatre. Yeah.

Wow. Thank you, Keenan. I'd also love to thank from Avalon Beach in New South Wales, Australia, Siobhan, single name there, kind of like your Scherz or your Madonnas yep everyone knows if you say Siobhan you're like

oh you mean from Avalon Beach yes yeah I know Siobhan yeah she's she's not big and she's not stupid

I'll tell you that much yeah Siobhan she leaves that to Jeff so Siobhan you're from Avalon Beach in New South Wales

it's a beautiful part of the world there at Avalon, you're from Avalon Beach in New South Wales. It's a beautiful part of the world there. Beautiful part of the world. At Avalon Beach. Actually, Avalon Beach is the place where the airplane was invented. Really? Yep. That's why Avalon Airport, outside of Melbourne. Avalon Airport in Melbourne is named after the Avalon Beach

because that's where the airplane was invented. This sounds like a real fact. It's a true fact. So was that Wright Brothers or pre-Wright Brothers? I wouldn't say they were right or they were wrong, but they were brothers. And they were having a go, and that's the main thing. Have a go, Avalon.

Avalon. Do you remember when Toyota tried to launch a competitor for the Falcon and the Commodore? And it was called Avalon. And the campaign, what was it? Sir Leslie Patterson. Oh, yes. He did these ads and the catchphrase was, Avalon drive and you'll never look back. Beautiful.

And I thought that was brilliant. Yeah, that's, a lot of people forget that ostentatious, really just doing Sir Les Patterson. Yeah. So we've got to tell Siobhan what she's driving. And I assume a Toyota Ravalon. Well, I love that you brought up Toyota, Matt, because that is...

I didn't even have to do any work there because you knew exactly... Sir Les Copilot? What I was going to say. I think that would be a dream team. I think his surname is Patterson, not co-pilot. Okay, sorry. Apologies. A bit of respect for the Lord.

Thank you, Siobhan. And I'd also love to play from Godstone in Surrey, I reckon, in Great Britain. It's Xander Bryce. Okay, Xander Bryce from Godstone in Surrey, right near the Oval. Ah. I don't know if it is, but Surrey, I think the Oval is in Surrey. Yeah, closer than we are now. Exactly.

And it's all relative distance, which is why, Xander, it is relative, and so you shouldn't feel too disadvantaged that your vehicle is puffing billy. Wow. That's a great get. The train. Are there tracks laid down from Peking to Paris? Do you, for your international listeners,

need to provide any context as to puffing billy? I normally overdo context for Australian references to the point that it annoys Dave and Jess. But yeah, so they're not here, so I may as well. It's like a weird little sort of a quaint tourist attraction in the suburbs of Melbourne. Yeah, it's a train which I don't believe was ever a functional train. Oh, it was only ever made for... Yeah, it's sort of in the hills. Yeah, it's sort of in them in this in the hills yeah sort of in the country victoria forest hills forest hills just outside of melbourne yes and

it's like an old steam train yeah and it's not it's not like international tourists it'll just be like melbourne kids and their families maybe i think that's where i went out there do you ever go as a kid i've never actually been on Puffing Billy. Yeah, right. I remember going. I'm hoping Xander will take me for a ride. Five or something. For a ride. And, yeah, they do an annual race where you can run against Puffing Billy. And humans regularly beat it. Yes.

And so this time, Xander, the race, unfortunately, you won't be racing people barefoot. No. You'll be racing a guy in a hot air balloon and a couple of Honda CRVs. But he's going to be the only one on tracks. That's true. Yeah. Because a lot of the Peking to Paris race

was they drove along train tracks. Really? Yeah. Also, the tracks are already laid. I was worrying. I started to drift because I was thinking about how we're going to have to build tracks. The only issue might be...

Through the desert? Through the Gobi Desert? Yeah, maybe the gauge is wrong. That'd be an issue. Yeah, what is... Maybe they'll have to adapt the Puffingbillies wheels. Almost certainly the gauge would be wrong because the gauge between Victoria... And New South Wales is different, isn't it?

That's so strange. Thank you, Xander. Enjoy having a puff. And finally, from Palmyra, maybe in New York. Xander, I wouldn't recommend it. I think you should be sober when you drive. Okay. But, I mean, it's on tracks.

What could go wrong? True. Puff away. From Palmyra, maybe in New York, in the united states it's ethan mclean ethan mclean i love palmyra in new york um it's one of my favorite i think it's palmyra palmyra pal palmyra palmyra ethan mclean uh son of john yeah mclean hippie kia motherfucker and your vehicle actually is going to be uh the a lot of people don't know this but the empire state building which uh is on which has wheels they've got that up on wheels that's how do you think they got it in there yeah yeah it was built in uh

the french built it and then as a gift to america upon independence they wielded it i think that was actually the inspiration for uh donkey kong and mario kart was the king kong ending of the movie. Because that didn't end with him riding, racing around a track on the Empire State Building. Yes. Yeah, exactly. That's exactly right. I didn't ever put that together. He crossed over there with Prime.

Prime Bats. Prime Bats, yeah. And I mean, if you're a Prime Bats podcast lover, there's a couple episodes that's just around that you should really go back and listen to. This voice might be familiar. Yeah, so that. There's a couple episodes that's just around that you should really go back and listen to. Yeah, this voice might be familiar. Yeah, so that's the last thing left for us to do. I should just say once again,

thank you very much to Ethan, Xander, Siobhan, Keenan, Big Stupid Jeff, Alexandra, Joe, Nickel and Nathan. The last thing we need to do is... Thank you and good luck. And good luck, yeah. All the best in the race. We'll see you at the finish line.

See you there. At the Awful Tower, is that where we're we're gonna finish or the Arc de Triomphe yeah I think at the I didn't realize you spoke a little French sorry just clearing my throat we will meet at the Arc de Triomphe the last thing we need to do is welcome some people to the Tribute Club it's all fear of the mind here okay so you get a ticket in

and you're in for good it's a lifelong membership in this exclusive club this must be the hottest ticket it is a hot ticket yeah all it takes is three years of support

and what happens is I'm standing at the door I've got the clipboard out I've got the guest list I'll read out the names you're going to have to play the role of Dave Warnicer here the pun master who normally does a little pun as he hypes them up into the room okay so you're up on stage you got the mic you're emceeing the event everyone

who's been welcomed into the club before is standing slow clapping as they're welcoming you're up on stage giving them the the thing that really makes them feel most welcome, and that is a weak pun on their name or city. And you also normally book a band. Well, Dave does, but you're in his place. Okay. Often it's coincidentally to do with the topic, but it could be any band. Okay.

Living or dead, who have you got booked tonight? Oh, just the one band? Yeah. Yeah, great. living or dead who've you got tonight oh just the one band yeah yeah great um tonight we have the uh um uh dave matthews and the little river band whoa that's a that's a super group have i brought together two different things then yeah okay i think you brought together dave matthews yes and the little river band great That's what I wanted. And they're playing an acoustic set before the food comes out. And then after the food, they're going to come back on and they're going to go a cappella.

Oh, wow. I thought they were going to come out electric, but they went backwards. They lost their instruments. Fantastic. I think Little River Band could do it if anyone can. What about about dave matthews dave matthews should be involved as well yeah saying he's here we may as well utilize him have booked them both it was a double booking and i regret you've made it work though i regret that but you know from accidents come uh solutions yeah that's true it's beautifully put thank you uh accidents are the mother of invention

that's that's the action yeah that's not either but um and the other thing jess does normally she makes up a cocktail on the show title so what's the peaking to paris cocktail involved the peaking to paris cocktail is i know one ingredient I know it has is water from the car's radiator. Yes, and from the trolley. Oh, yeah. From the IGA trolley. So, the cocktail

that will be present at the event this evening is the H2 Go-Go. Oh. Yep. And that, the H2 Go-Go, is water.

Yep. You get a little bit of water from the tap and as well as that, some water from the Mount Franklin bottle. Uh-huh. Shake it up together. And then to that, you from the Mount Franklin bottle. Shake it up together. And then to that, you add a spritz. Well, that sounds delicious.

And I think people are gonna really look forward to those. I mean, they can get any other drink, but that's the specialty for tonight. So I wanna welcome in two names. This is the last thing we need to do before we say goodbye. So you're ready? You're ready to hype them up? Yes, yes, yes.

I'll throw the names at you. You can't look ahead, please. Okay, sure. You to go. You got to work with either some sort of a pun or wordplay on the city or the name and just really rev them up here. Okay. If you do it like Dave, they're always awful, but he says it. Him and Jess like them. But anyway, first up from Alexandria in Virginia in the United States, it's Christine Walk. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, please bang your hands together, make some noise, tap those forks on those tinnies, and get some hype in the room, please. Ladies and gentlemen, that's not good enough. I need more energy from you.

Lovely. Please, ladies and gentlemen, that's not good enough. I need more energy from you. Lovely. Welcome to experience her very first time here at the Strictic Club. Please, ladies and gentlemen, lose your minds. Go crazy for it's not Christopher Walken. It's not Christine Nixon.

It's, and no one else can do, it's not a jog. It's not a jog. It's not a run. It's a Christine, Pristine walk. Is that sort of what Dave does? I mean, that was way more than what Dave does. That was great. You really value at it. Christine walk got the VIP service there. And secondly and finally into the Triptych Club this week.

Thank God there's only two of these from yeah sometimes there's way too many but it's from vancouver in washington in the united states terry lynn okay um ladies and gentlemen you did it for christine walk you've only got to do it one more time tonight and then we're going to get stuck into the h2 go-go's and we're going to hear from the dave matthews and little river band off mic please bang those hands together a little bit started over here with the golf clap thank you yes and bring it around the room all the way to the back go crazy for please ladies and gentlemen, she's not wearing a Terry towel shirt and she definitely isn't wearing linen. But that's because it's Terry. Ladies and gentlemen, go crazy for Terry Lynn.

Welcome, Terry and Christine. Saran, you've done a fantastic job there. Thank you for having me. I'm going to talk to Dave, get him to listen to this tape and see if he can improve and learn. That's all we ask. You know, you didn't only fill his shoes, you exploded them.

Your toes are poking through the end. Thank you, Saran, so much for helping me out with everyone's favourite section of the show. I didn't have much choice, to be honest. Is there anything you want to tell people about? Anything, anywhere people can find you or whatnot? Yeah, I'm making a television show at the moment with Matt Stewart

from the Do Go On podcast. It's called Good Tucker and it should be hitting your screens, whether they be the 60- or six inch screens no or anything true or anything and and it should be hitting that around circa September that's right and if is your special still available to watch oh you can listen I have a comedy special that was recorded in 2018, and you can hear that on the ABC podcast. And I also was on an episode of Primates.

Yeah, you were on two. Two episodes, but we don't talk about the first one. What was the first one? I can't remember. I think it was A Mighty Boosh. Oh, yeah. It's hard to talk about something that's already funny. Already funny.

Yes. Anyway, thank you so much for having me. No worries. Thanks for having me. If people want to find us online, we're dugongpod.com is the website. And dugongpod is on all the social medias as well. Get in contact. There's a link in the show notes to suggest topics.

Anyone can do that. Like I said before, if you want to support the show, patreon.com.au. And there's merch now as well. We're doing T-shirts and stuff again, and they're available via the website too. So get involved in all that if you want to. Tea towels?

We should do tea towels. It's a good tip. Terry, Terry, Terry. We could do Terry Lynn towels. Terry Lynn towels. I think that's a good idea. I terry terry lintels terry lintels i think that's a good idea i'll have to talk to terry first but if she's you gotta run that past terry awesome all right cheers and uh what is jess says bye at the very end so i'll say goodbye laters and bye you nailed that thanks we can wait for clean water solutions

or we can engineer access to clean water we can acknowledge indigenous cultures or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future.