Do Go On - 35 - The Green Children of Woolpit

Episode Date: June 22, 2016

Two green children appeared in near the small village of Woolpit in rural England in the 12th Century... who were they? Why were they green? Where did they come from? It's a bit of a bloody mystery, really. Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] the show and get rewards like bonus episodes:www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serengy Amarna 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. And you are listening to me And I am accompanied by Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart, the duo,

that flew, well, one of them flew in tonight. Hello, Matt, that's you. You've come straight from the airport, sir. Hey, Dave, how's it going? Someone, like, we just read about half an hour ago, someone compliment my rhyming skills, and I was like, I'm going to open with the rhyme. Nothing rhymes with duo.

Matt's duo, damn it. Oh, no. Stop the tape. No, Matt, you genuinely have fluo in here tonight. Yeah. And you also have Colton Fluo. Yep. I'm on the...

You can hear my... Walsinge. That's my... That's a logginsge I've got going on. Yeah, is this two episodes in a row? I've been sick in one way or another. No, no, you've recovered, but two weeks ago, you had the horrible hangover. Right.

Which, again, not that much sympathy. And also, we didn't make such a fuss when I had come straight from the airport. When you flew... When I flewo. But your name doesn't run with fluo. Good point. That's true. Good point.

But if I ever come straight from a Gurkin festival, then we can talk about it. I'll be rhyming all night. When you come from a nothing rhymes with Warnakey. That's right. Or Dave. Cave. That's right.

When I come from the... That one, Dave is well known for his rhymes. I reckon he could give us a good rhyme for both Dave and Warnocky. Dave? Cave Staunerke. Yeah, great. Stornich. I'm not so sure.

No, that's very good. Dutch. Dutch word. Oh, okay. What does it mean? What does it sound like it means? Place to store your key. Correct.

Yeah. Can you imagine? I can. Got it in a cave where you store your key festival. That makes sense. That makes sense. So elaborate. It's just, I mean, it's just a little cave.

I just put mine on the table. I might, you know. You know, you have like a spare key. You have a spare one and some people hide under a fake rock. I don't do that. I dig a cave. Yeah. Batman style.

But just for the key. Because I don't have money for a Batman bill. Are you judging me for having my keys, just here on the table like an idiot? Well, silently, yes. Fair enough. Well, you just did it out loud. All right, I'm thinking out loud.

Oh, look. A wall. Can't he think some boring things. Oh, look, a wall. Great. Oh, so early for a pause arm. What else? And you don't edit those out in your episodes.

You leave like... The paws arms. Yeah. You leave the paws as well. whereas I cut them. Early on I was brutal with my editing. If there's a pause, I cut it so we seem really sleek. Yeah, I've been getting pretty slack on my edits.

I heard one episode where I left in a thing that clearly wasn't meant to be you. Yeah, like our Indian takeaway being delivered. Yeah, mate, be there in five minutes. Did I leave that in? Fuck. Probably. Probably. I did leave in a thing saying me going, hey, can you say that again?

We could use that. Well, now this is the second time you've left this in. Yeah, and you'll leave it in, too. You won't even edit this out. Oh, Matt. Oh, Matt. Sorry, guys. I set a high standard.

Hey, look, if you don't want it in the show, don't say it. That's a great point. That is a great point. If you don't want to leave a pause, don't leave a pause. I wanted to leave that pause. Okay, great. I wanted to leave that pause. Yes?

Yeah, I wanted to leave it, too. I nearly giggled, and I'm glad that Dave spoke, because I need to settle down with my giggling. Please settle down. Settle down. Anyway, yeah. So Matt, it is your turn to do a report. It is, yeah.

You've been researching this at the Sydney airport. On the plane, in the taxi ride here, when you got here, made us wait an hour. Now here we are. So we're expecting greatness from Stuo. With the Fluo. Stuo with the fluo. Yeah, so my question to you, did you just say how we used to start? the question?

No, well, we do start with the question. Guys, if you haven't caught up as episode 35, come on. Yeah, why are you starting at 35? What about the new listeners? Well, because they've read this topic. Oh, true, because they might have set this topic. Yeah, okay, fair enough. Dave, do the spiel.

Explain what the podcast is. If they haven't already turned off based on us talking about nonsense. Well, we take it in turns to do a report, talk the talk on a certain topic that the other two don't know what is going to be said about. Matt, it is your turn. You always go into our hat, which is our listener suggested sort of compile. A little archive of what you guys have tweeted emailed in. I'm wearing the hat.

I always wear the hat. It makes it very difficult for me to get in there. Yeah, I can never get in the hat. I'm a hat hog, but you guys are always welcome to come by. I'll dips my lid, lift the lid and let you in. And we start with a question to get on topic. So that was from Matt was going to go into. Matt.

Take it away. Yeah, you're ready for the question? I'm ready. So ready. Here's the question. Okay. And you know how my questions are often great. Well, tonight's today.

This time's no exception. What? Great question. First word for a question. Yeah. I've got to say. What was the biggest mystery in rural England in the 12th century? Oh.

Obviously. Arguably, I should say. What was arguably? Because there's so many spring to mind. Angels in the Outfield. Was it The mystery of... Why they cast Mel Gibson.

What? Coolean Wallace. I'm trying to think of things that happened in rural England in a vaguely 12th century. Wow. Brave art? Yeah, it's a brave art. That's not even England.

Scotland. But, but... Freedom! It's so rural England that it becomes a new country called Scotland. Are you right? Saved it, thank you. I love when he does that.

smug that smug eyebrow raise like a egg hole yeah he loves it the brows are down now but they're coming back all right matt we obviously have no idea 12th century is it any hints that we'll get or is it like a thing that we probably won't have heard of well i don't know how much you've been looking at the hat you may have heard of it from the hat i i told you i can't get a glimpse in there oh yeah right that's true he's dipping his lid he's lifting the lid i can see so many secrets i can't say anything from the 12th century i can see the light coming out yeah Dave don't go towards the All right. This week's topic is the green children of Woolpit. The Green Children of Woolpit. I don't know what that means. I don't either, but I'm assuming it's something, was this parodied on the Simpsons?

Come on, there's got to be. What is a parody of a Simpsons? Was it? No, they did enough. Anyway, okay. Are you, you keep promising a Simpsons episode coming up. Is that still coming? This pen doesn't work because Matt. Keep asking for one. And then Matt, you tell me that I should do it. But, all right, I will do it. I will do one. You're feeling too much pressure. I feel the pressure now, because I'm a big Simpsons fan.

I think you'll do it justice. I believe in you. I just love the jokes, though. I don't know that too much of the back. But maybe that'll be the fun part. That'll be the fun. I'll tell you, I was down in Tassie and we caught up with a couple of listeners. Oh, let's give him a shout out.

Dan, who put the Simpsons in the hat, and he was asking when you were getting onto it. I said he's, I told him, and I thought I wasn't lying. I said you were working on it. Oh dear. All right, Dan. This is a real kick up the house. Yeah, good. And also Russell, who's a super nice guy as well, he's sent in some good.

So I think it was nice to get down there. And Lonnie? They came for you guys to get down. Yeah. You guys should go down. Get down. I think we might do our first ever live episode from Launceston. That'd be cool.

Yeah, why not? That would be cool. We could do Launceston as the first topic, or Tazzy. Oh, that would be cool. Which is a state in Australia for the... Yes, so it's an island state off the big main mainland. Which we do kind of need to mention because a couple weeks ago we asked people to let us know where they were listening from and we've had huge responses. Oh my goodness.

And people are scattered all over the place, which is so exciting for us. We're ticking most continents. Yeah, it's really cool. No Antarctica. What the fuck. What the fuck penguins? There aren't penguins there. Yeah, they're penguins.

And Antarctica? Yeah. Definitely penguins. Yeah, Arctic they're not. That's where the polar bears are. Okay. Maybe I'm thinking no polar bears. No polar bears.

Well, they're not really anywhere anymore. Poor bastards. Well, fair enough. And I just realized this topic, this is the first one we've had a double. This is their second suggestion that's had an episode done. This is Venably at Rewind Turtle. Oh, Rewind Turtle. Who also had the Turkmenistan, Turkmen Bashir.

Oh, wow. Which was a great topic. A brilliant topic. So based on the... Expecting great things. Yeah, based on previous recommendations. And also, congratulations on the first repeat suggestion, making it to the pod. Amazing.

Sentences are hard, aren't they? Yeah, they are. Well, let's just rewind that turtle. So what's the topic again? Green children. The green children of wool pit. Of wool pit. I'm running it down because it's confusing.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I would definitely say this is a better topic than it is going to be an episode. But it's... What makes to say that? Well, I mean, it's just, it's a bit loose on information. So I reckon if we were there for it and we could have chatted to the kids themselves.

Sure. In the whole century. Yeah. But hey, isn't that the case with all of our podcasts? You know, if we were there. Yeah. You know? Like if we could have, if we were in the Beatles, my Beatles report would be a lot better.

Well, you've got to have had a couple of stories to tell, I reckon. Right? But instead I didn't. I had nothing to tell. No, when you put it like that, that does make me feel a little better. Good. Because I was coming in here, kicking myself, literally. I know, I watched you.

I was like, what are you doing, buddy? Why are you kicking yourself? I went you there in the 12th century talking to the green children. I know. You piece of shit. Yeah, you dog, you sick dog. You sick, low dog. Anyway.

So tell us about the green children of Woolpit. Well, in around mid-12th century, during the troubled reign of King Stephen of England. King Stephen. Yeah, I've never heard of that guy. That's a shit king name. Question number one, is that with a V or a pH? P-H. P-H.

King Stephen of England. Is that like Stephen the first or is he the last, first and last? I think he might be the first and last. Yeah, because King Stephen is a dumb name. I think there was just... Not Stephen. I don't have a problem with Stephen at all. I quite like the name Steve.

King Stephen. King Stephen. Yeah, he would have been played by... Somebody was a woosey. If there was a movie remake, he would. have been made by like Jim Carrey. Yes. That sort of thing.

King Stephen. Look at him. He's an American and he's the king. I'm pretty much just doing the storyline of King Ralph, but he's an American and he's a king because all the other family died in a weird photo accident. That's perfect. Yes. You're spot on.

Good. So I'm sorry to Eddie Stevens out there. I remember him with your name. I quite like your name, but not as a king. It's like Queen Jess. sounds dumb. Yeah, it does sound a bit silly. Sounds dumb.

Yeah, yeah, it does. See, King David. Whoa. Thank you, even King Matthew, pretty sick. Yeah. King Jessica, not a thing.

Yeah, not yet, but bloody hell. He's to tell you what. Those bloody... The PC police. Those bloody greenies get their way in my own. Yeah. What a queen, King Jessica's... Well, I'll be King Jessica.

Yeah. We'll all have one name and no one will get offended. And Jessica will be a dog as well Because the dogs will end up Being allowed to be kings If we If we let this rot set in If we let women be kings

Next is the bloody dogs So in the During the troubled reign of King Stephen I love the The uh The uh The preface that with the troubled rain I'm already

We were already down in King Stephen Now it's a troubled rain Well look at He's lost me I think I've I've taken that directly off a man who I'm leaning on relatively heavily for this report. The biography of King Stephen. He described his reign as troubled, which is troubling, I'm honest.

And he was talking it up, so. But I like to imagine, like, the trouble is just that he just can't get rid of all the snakes in his castle. It's like, no, I've got snake issues. Another one! Every cupboard he opens up, there's just flying out of there. So you said castle or castle? I say castle, but I just said castle then. Castle, castle.

Castle. I'm a castle, man. Yeah. The castle. The castle. The show. And I say Newcastle for a city. New Castle.

Yep, it's Castle. I'm sorry that I said Castle, everybody. So the guy, I'm, of Brian Horton's a guy I read a bit of. Is he Brian with a Y or an eye? He's a, he spells it wrong. No, what? I think that's sort of the... But he described, he describes Stevens Rain as troubled, so I'm only basing it on that.

Great. That and the fact that he had... Too many snakes. But other sources have actually said that it was during the reign of King Henry II. It was the following king. And that's a perfectly good king name. You're happy with that? Yeah.

Happy Henry. Have it to have that eight times, are you? Yeah. That's how good that is. That's weird. But is it only because it's been eight times that you're happy with it? Maybe I'm just used to it. And maybe I just hadn't heard of King Stephen.

Maybe it'll grow on me. Ask me at the end of the episode. King Steve. Stevie. Steve, you boy. Steve, boy. Steve. King Steve!

I'm sorry. During the harvest, Reapers work in the local fields of Woolpit, which is the small town in Suffolk. Suffolk. It was in Suffolk. Right. The Reapers found two children, a boy and a girl. They found him by a wolf pit,

which is where the town got its name. Woolpit. I don't wonder why it wasn't called Wolf Pit. What's a wolf pit? Good question. What do you reckon? I was thinking a... pit of wolves

basically I think if the pit has done its job then it will be a pit of wolves Is it supposed to cat is it a trap them yeah Ah I kind of thought more like where wolves would make their home Yeah I guess they do Once they're trapped

As they starve to death I don't know what they do with the wolves I don't wonder if it was To catch them to use them For mate fur Or It's probably to stop them from eating their sleds Or yeah just to

Pulling sleds probably. Yeah, you reckon? Yeah. Yeah. So... So, but inside the wolf pit, they found two kids. Two kids.

Inside the wolf pit. No, beside it. Beside it. These two kids looked completely normal except for a couple of things. The first one, which I reckon you could probably guess from the title of the show. Oh, okay. Hang on. Let's guess, Dave.

They looked happy that they hadn't fallen in the wolf pit. Yeah. Oh, one of them had one brown eye, one blue eye. No. No. Okay. Now we get this. Oh, potentially.

One of them was bigger than the other because they had a growth for it. Or they were different ages. Oh, they were twins. No. Okay. Now we're closer though, I reckon. Are we getting close? Uh, no.

Jaundice. It's more yellow. Yeah. First one, their skin was completely green. Completely green. Completely green. So I'm just surprised. Yeah.

But I'm wondering what kind of, like, do they look painted? Were they? Yeah, well, I mean, because it's so long ago that it's not known 100%. Some people reckon that maybe even the languages change over the years and that green back then might have been a bit more yellowy than what it means now. But also people say green like a leaf. Wow, that's quite green. Which is quite green. Unless, of course, we're talking like a red leaf.

Yeah, it's not green at all. Or a skin-colored leaf. Yeah. Or it's autumn and they're kind of a yellow. It sounds very confusing. Yeah. God, there's so many different factors here, isn't there? Second, their clothing was nothing like the Reapers had ever seen before. It was like it was not of their time or earth, their place or time.

It was just weird, weird clothing. And thirdly, they did not speak English. In fact, they spoke a language that was completely unknown to the local residents. Wow, this is intriguing, I'm going to say. And I'm also, we're recording this at night. And I hope it doesn't get too. spooky. Nah.

Is there like a description of their clothes? What are they wearing? I don't know. Is it like a, you know, like a... Just a tinfoil suit. Tinfoil. Yeah, they were... Hawaiian shirt.

Matching Hawaiian shirts. Wow, that's crazy. That would have... And Joppers. It would have quite crazy. Just went until the 90s because this is going to slay. Yeah, no, that's, that's what they were wearing. Cool.

Good job, Dave. The children wandered around, bewildered for quite a few minutes. Once the Reapers saw them. So the reaper, that's a very terrifying name. It is, isn't it? It's not just a far. It's just a far. Yeah, they're just reaping the harvest.

The crops. Wow, this sounds... Reaper. Yeah, the grim. It sounds pretty grim. It sounds pretty grim. So they, yeah, the reapers sort of observed them wandering around for a bit before they got them and took them to the village.

They got them. They got them. They got them. I reaped them. We got them. We got them. Put them in a sack and they took them to the village. took them to tan

because no one could... He just checked them over their shoulder in a sack and they're just speaking like some unknown language it's all gobbledy gooke to me mate Sorry Dave

Could you repeat that I didn't quite care All right mate Are you having a good time in the sack? I don't know I don't know I think he's saying he's loving it He loves the sack He loves the sack.

I think we could all learn a thing or two from Prupup. What's the girl saying? Oh, okay, similar. She loves the sack as well. Maybe we can put him in the same sack. Save on sacks. Please do go on.

Or, as he would say, because no one could understand the language that they were speaking, they were taken to Sir Richard de Karni. perhaps. They thought he might be the man with the answers. Because he also spoke. Well, maybe.

But, no, he didn't. He also didn't understand. He didn't recognize language either. And he... But is he sort of like the town genius. He was just a knight.

He was your local night. He's a local night. We better take him to the night. I just got to pop down to the night. From, From one account I read that they actually They had to pass through a few other like elders and stuff to get to him So there must have been some reason why they thought he

He might be the guy to take him to. You have passed the first test Now you may speak to the priest What are the steps? The first one's just like a town elder Then a priest Yeah then a priest You've got to get the blessing of the priest

And then is there another step before you get to Sir Richard? Yeah, it's a snake woman A snake woman I'm made of snakes. Made of snakes. Wow. She is part of the problem with King Stephen. Yeah, fair enough.

And then you get to speak to Sir Richard. Yep. Cool. Wow. Well, they really wanted to solve the case of these green kids. You go to a room with a really long table and he's just sitting at one end. I've been expecting you. And he's reading like a little book, taking notes.

He's got a fluffy cat and he's stroking it. No, that's a Bond villain. Sorry. Well, he was before his time. I'm picturing Sir Richard Branson for some reason. Probably the Sir Richard thing. For some reason. I can't figure out what it is.

It was the Richard Branson of his day. When they got there, the kids broke into tears and refused to eat any food that was brought to them. So they're fussy. Yeah. Fussy eaters. Fuck. We gave him the best mash we've got.

What did they say? You can probably hear it, but he's shaking his head as he says that. That's a definitely. I hate this mash. Yeah. Fuck your mash. Fuck your mash. My mum made the mash better.

No, it looks, it looks great, but I just ate. I just ate by the wolf pit. Yeah. Thank you. Couldn't have another bite. Thanks so much. Oh, you're so generous. What a great host.

Wow, this kid is really rude. It's so rude. Thar rude. Don't say that in front of Sir Richard Branson, please. How embarrassing. How embarrassing. Actually, I flew with Virgin today, so that makes sense. Maybe that's why he's in May.

Clang. You got Richard on the. The brain. Yeah, dick brain. He called himself a dick brain. Got him, got himself. So he offered all the different kinds of food and they wouldn't take anything over several days. Scolish potatoes.

Mashed potatoes. Just a steamed potato in a jacket. Raw potato. Raw potato chips. Again, ahead of their time. These kids... They were just waiting for a kosher meal. So far, I'm hungry because all of those things sound bloody delightful.

And if I was at somebody's castle and they were offering me any of those items, I would be more than happy. You know? Wow. These kids. I mean... The secret is that they're on a carb-free diet. But they couldn't communicate that.

Calm after carb after calm. You'll never hear just say... Blu-blop-blop. when someone offers a potato gem. Definitely not. I'm not a monster. And I'm always, I've never been on a carb-free diet. And I'm going to go on record now and say,

I will never be on a carb-free diet. Hey, you stay strong. Thank you. Good on you. Carp's my favourite food. Thank you. I will. You know how when you eat too much,

there's like a thing if you eat too much carrot, you turn orange. I would bring these kids green food because maybe that's why they're green. See, that's very clever. It's very clever, Dave. A bit of green jelly. Frog in the pond.

That's what they wanted. Tote in the hole. But the frog would have to be a peppermint pro. Now you're thinking. But like skinned it. Yeah. Just the goo. Just the goo.

Just got a little thing of goo in the middle of the jelly. For any international listeners, should we explain what a frog in a pond is? I think that's quite. Yeah, I thought that might have been in it. Is that thing? I think that's English. I thought that was something we did. No, that's an English thing, isn't it?

No, that's a, are you thinking of a toad in the hole? What's that? I don't know. The same thing? It might be the same thing. You said that. A Fredo Frog's not Australian? I thought they are Australian.

It's a chocolate frog inside some jelly, so it looks like there's a frog in a pond. Is that a horrible... And I hated it because it makes the chocolate weird. Yeah, none of that's good. I hated frog in a pond. I love jelly. Love jelly. And love Fredos.

Keep them separate. Can I have my frog on the side? Hold the frog. Hold the frog at the pond, but can I have the frog on the side? Just a... Can I get a... Just a one pond. Just a pond.

Just a pond. I would like a pond that's suffered under global warming, please. I will have a pond, sands, a frog. Okay. All right, hey, well. I really thought that would get more from you guys. Sons. Sons laughter, please.

I'll have my joke, Sands laughter. Thank you. I think we can do that for you, Jess. So, yeah, I took them over days and days. They wouldn't eat anything. Wouldn't eat anything. Shit. It's not good.

But then, Dave, as you said, eventually they were offered fresh produce in the form of raw green beans. Oh, my. Including the stalk and everything. And they apparently grabbed them and tried to eat the stalk. I was sort of like, I was a mucking round. I was sort of trying to pill the stalk and stuff. And eventually they were shown like the beans are in here.

And they'd eat the beans. They love the green beans. Beans in here. Loving. Loving it. Yeah. Love beans. Shit, this kid loves beans.

I shall call him beans. Bean. Mr. Bean. Is this about Mr. Bean? He's, because he's like an alien. Yeah. You know at the start of the episode? He sort of comes from, in that spotlight.

And people think about, is he from outer space? He could be, right? He's like an alien sort of like an outside character. Wow. He's like a fish out of pond. Frog out of the pond. He's like a frog out of pond. Thanks for the sand's laughter, Jess.

I'm just trying to settle down. I'm happy that they're eating... So they're eating green. And they actually supposedly survived on the green beans for weeks. Wow. That's got to explain the green skin. Yeah. Well, not necessarily.

I didn't know how to eat the green beans until they were showed here. True, but maybe they'd eaten something else green. Yeah, they were like, oh. This looks familiar. This reminds me of... What I was eating. Broccoli. Yeah.

Matt. As time passed. Jess, the boy who was believed to be the younger of the two, became what they, I think, translates to being depressed. And he died. What? Oh no. He didn't survive too long.

Well, yeah. Turns out of bean diet's not so good for you. Aw, but like it's so sad that he just got depressed and died. Yeah, it's like a sad animal. Without it's been able to be understood by the majority of people in a weird place. Is there like sort of estimates or getting? guess is it how old they are vaguely? Like, they're sort of like six.

Like quite young. From the, from the artist's impressions that I've seen, they look like, you know, like, yeah, under 10. Oh, wow. Quite young. That is sad. That is so sad.

And so strange. He did, he died after just starting to, he just started trying some other foods, apparently. Oh, should have stuck to the beans. Yeah. But his sister, she, she, She was made of tougher stuff, some of said, and she was able to adjust to her new life.

In time, she got baptized, so she got Christianified. Her skin slowly lost the original green color, and she became a healthy woman. What? Yeah, that's what happened. I mean, that's pretty normal for a girl to become a woman in time. Hang on, no, no, no, back that up. I'm not a girl.

Not yet a woman. There's a lot of pauses here. Was this the sound? All I need is time. A moment that is mine. Matt, do you know that this is British Spears? Yeah. Oh, cool.

It was from a movie she was in. Crossroads. I'm not a girl to make me what to believe. I don't remember the words. Funny that you're singing them. All right. All right. She was taught to speak English.

Oh, an interesting choice on their part. Mm-hmm. And... No, no, no, no. It's pronounced pineapple. Pine. Oh, she's got... You might be wondering, how do we know all this? How do we know all this? Matt? Well, there were two main sources, and they were both from the 12th century, which makes sense.

The first is William of Newburgh, who was an English historian and monk. From Yorkshire, Yorkshire, Yorkshire. Yorkshire. So he's a monk. What's his name? His name is William of Newburgh. Newburgh. Or New Borough, Newburgh.

If it's Edinburgh, it'd be a New Borough, right? Yeah. His work is a history of England from 1066 to 1198, and it was called Historia Rirum Anglicarum, which I think is Latin for History of English. Affairs. Oh, that sounds saucy. Yeah. So apart from the story about the grandchildren,

it was mainly just like about Fergie and Charles. He's real gossipy. A lot of backdoor shenanigans. Fody Alphiad. Fodi? Doty. Doty. Great.

Good old Fodie. Rest in peace. The other source is Ralph of Coggers Hall. Great. who was also a monk. They all were back then, I think. Who was it? Monk it up.

I do enjoy the name Ralph. Do you? Ralph. Yeah, we were talking about King Ralph just before. You like the name Ralph? I really like it. Is it because it's a vomit word? What's a vomit word?

Ralph! Like it's, I'm going to Ralph. Oh, a word for vomiting. I said it weird, but I probably gave you enough to piece that together. It's a vomit word. I wasn't sure if that was the thing I just didn't know. So it's a synonym for vomit. Synonym is what we were looking for.

Yeah, please. Or if I'm speaking in the green child language. And I just love the name. Ralph. It's just a cool name. Okay. Well, we can... Is it... Is it Ralph Magazine?

Yeah, is that it? Oh, Dave. You associate with Ralph Magazine. That's it. You dirty boy. Give me that hand. Oh, not again. Ow! He's Ralphed me.

I like how we don't have to do that for a podcast. I could have just clapped at myself, but it felt good to hit you. It felt... It felt good to watch it. It felt painful to have it. So Ralph, the other monk, his work also talked about the green children, and it was called Chronicon Anglicanum, which means English Chronicle. Oh!

I would have just called it that if I was him. Nah, Chronicon's pretty sick. Yeah, and I don't, maybe those words. I am Chronicon. It's a great word. Chronicom, Anglicanum. Because it's the Transformer, by the way. Some sort of Japanese anime.

Yeah, Chronacom. Both authors did record the incident many years after it was supposed to have taken place. Not hundreds of years, but years, like decades. So, you know, it's like often, you know, when stories take a little while to be written, it's... You lose some of the deets. I think they'd just get better with age. Like a wine or cheese or Matt Stewart.

Oh, thank you. Wait, what are you saying about... Matt, are you blushing? Young me. He was shit. Yeah. Ralph lived in Essex, which was a neighbouring county to Suffolk. I like a...

English, like, England invented English right, but they... Oh, boy. They don't pronounce words right, for the most part. Suffolk should be pronounced suffolk, but they say Suffolk. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Et cetera. Very good.

You're building a strong argument. That's an observation. Wow. What do you think about that? I think that's... Well, I mean, we live in Melbourne. And it should be probably pronounced Melbourne. Yeah.

So maybe that's just a thing people do. Yeah. I take it all back. Sorry, England. So yeah, Ralph lived just over from Suffolk. So he had direct access to the people involved. Because he was, you know, there was overlap in the time. He could just pop over.

And he... Hello! Hello, I'm Ralph. In his chronic on Anglicanum, he stated that he heard the story from, Richard de Carme himself. Oh, Richard Branson. Yeah.

Sir. Sir. Sir Dick. And, but William of Newburgh was living in the remote Yorkshire monastery, which would have made it a lot harder for him to have any firsthand knowledge

of the events. But he did use contemporary historical sources, and in his work he stated that I was so overwhelmed. by the weight of so many and such competent witnesses. Mm-hmm. That's a very good impression. Thank you.

I know, that's exactly how he sounds. It's a great impression of someone we can never, ever hear what they sound like. Oh, Dave. I'm sorry about him, Matt. What do we say before we started rolling? Check your attitude at the door or fuck off. Such a dival lately, isn't he? Yeah, more deviant with his bloody Ralph magazine.

Good one. but he's little his little hands around his little pecker Oh no Oh no No This is a family podcast I do like how on iTunes

Every episode has the E for explicit Mainly because of you Jess You're swearing Right do they listen and rate it individually We choose that I think we just chose that Just in case To give us the licence

To talk about my peckes We put the ear on. Well, that's a little bit. No, no, no. No, no. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, it's mostly my swearing, because the lady shouldn't swear. Or speak over the gentleman.

Or be a king. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Lady-like. What's me? I remember hearing that as a kid on occasions, you know, teachers. Not ladylike? That's not very ladylike. What a fucking, doesn't that sound like it from another, I mean, it was another.

the century it was in the 90s but still very bizarre that was so recent it's not very ladylike anyway you used to hate it when they told me that God that was really offended well put your pecker away

well that I was just proving you that I'm not bloody lady like can a lady do this woo woo woo woo impressed yes you are Mrs Field my grade two teacher why did you have to make it so real Why are you sexually assaulting your teacher? Oh, no.

Oh, no, no, no. You Nazi sympathiser, with your little pecker. Only one of those things is true. And I'll let the listener decide. Well, imagine, not decide. They're not going to decide my opinion or penis size. You don't have the right. No, too late, Dave, we had a poll.

On your poll. We have another. That's the next Twitter poll on my poll. Oh, no. I don't like this. Who do you reckon has the biggest speaker on the podcast? I win again. From the sound of her voice, Jess wins.

Alrighty. Sorry to send us down there. Into Dave's pants. I regret nothing. I regret at all. So having learned how to speak English, the girl, not yet a woman. Oh, maybe she was. I have no idea.

She was later questioned about her past. Who are you? She was only able to relate vague details about where they'd come from. I mean, it takes a while to learn a language, so there must have been some time that had passed. Yeah, good point, because I was about to say, like, I like it, they assimilate her into their little gang. They're like, by the way, what the fuck? Yeah, that thing back there where you're all green. Remember when we found you?

That was kind of weird. Care to elaborate? I mean, we're the ones with the wolf pits. Okay, we'll take that. But you were green. So, I mean, we both had some stuff going on. I wonder what they named her. Ah, well, they don't know for sure, but there's someone recently, I had a theory on that.

Someone recently had a guess. And they reckon... Toby? They reckon that... They went through names that it wasn't. Toby, I reckon it wasn't Toby. I reckon it wasn't Trent. Probably not Trent.

Probably wasn't Christopher. Probably. They reckon they figured out who she might have been and that person was named. Queen Elizabeth I. What's it start with? A. Abigail. No.

Amelia. No. Alice. A. Ariel. Alice. A. Ariel.

It's a Simpsons character's name. Anastas. No. That was my three guest before the Simpsons. Oh, no. No. Abraham. No.

It's a lady. Ah. I can't think of any other A names. older Agnes Yes Oh damn it Well done Dave

Agnes Now there's a name you Don't hear anymore You know that sounds like a vomit word You know that sounds like a vomit word That sounds like a vomit word Agnes I've got to chucking Agnes

Oh boy I just had a big old egg So But that's a modern interpretation Yeah that's a relatively recent Guess at it Or you know Gestimate

Is it based on any... Well, yeah, they think they figured out based on that time and... Oh, like people referencing each other and she was probably the Agnes. Probably. But it'd be hard to know. I think it's just very hard to know for sure. But let's call her Agnes to make it a bit more. Yeah, great.

It's just a bit easy to talk about it. Great. So, having learned how to speak English, Agnes was later question... Can you spell Agnes? A-G-N-E-S? Yes. Important. We're stopping the show for

We've already established English as hard Sorry Do go on So having learned how to speak English Agnes was later questioned about her past She was only able to relate vague I've said all this She was only able to relate vague details

About where they'd come from How they arrived in Woolpit She said That the boy was her brother Which they didn't know for sure Obviously until she could tell them And that they had come from the land land of St. Martin, where it was perpetually twilight, and all the inhabitants were green.

She was not sure exactly where her homeland was, but it was just over from what she described as luminous land that could be seen across a wide river separating the two places. Okay, so you've only just learnt English, but you drop in words like luminous. Yeah, it's pretty impressive, Agnes. I can't think of a time I've ever dropped luminous in a sense. sentence, you know, just casually describing something. Oh, bloody luminous it was. Okay, I'm starting to understand why people see that I turn on things ago, because I've just, sorry, I guess.

I thought you ripped Agnes in here one. No, I think she had it coming. I don't think anyone ever goes, they don't deserve it. I think they say, geez, just turns, but just the right amount. Yeah, she says what we're all thinking. Right time, right amount of turn. 180 degrees. Great.

So people at the time or since do they sort of get those things and put them all together and be like, oh, she's from? Yeah, well, I'll talk about those, some potential explanations in a sec. According to Ralph, Agnes recounted... You're ruining Ralph for me, I'm going to be honest. According to Ralph Agnes recounted that one day they were looking after their dad's livestock, cattle or whatnot, in the fields. followed them into a cave. From there, they heard a loud sound of bells. Following the sound, they wandered through the darkness until they arrived at the mouth of the cave, where they were blinded by the glaring sunlight which they'd never seen before. In a daze, they lay down for a long time

before they were snapped out of it by the noise of the reapers. Scared they rose and tried to escape, but they couldn't find the entrance of the cavern again, and they were caught by the reapers. Wow. Yeah, that's quite a story, right? Williams' account is slightly different. It doesn't have the bells. And it says that while they were tending to the animals, they heard a loud noise,

and basically the next thing they knew they came to by the wolf pit. But did he talk about a cave? I don't think he mentioned the cave. Wow. There were caves in that area, so, yeah. This place says everything. I've got caves. They got wolf pits.

They got wolves. They got green kids. They got potatoes. We got Ralph. I got Ralph. What more do you need? Honestly, nothing. Technically, I don't have Ralph, Ralph.

Ralph lives elsewhere, but... God, you're a kill, Joy. You're about to kill Ralph. Yeah. Yeah. Here is some... Fuck Ralph. Yeah, fuck Ralph.

With your little pecker, Dave. We're going to have to put two explicit signs on this episode. Sorry everyone who we're being too silly for. I'm not that sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not at all. I'm not at all. Hey, here are some potential explanations.

There's been a lot of theories. Obviously, something weird like this is going to have a lot of theories over 800 years, whatever it's been. Some of them are that the children originated from a hidden world inside the earth. Okay. That's kind of been a theory. I mean, that would be like the cave being the entrance, like somehow. And they, like, some of them are pretty fanciful.

Just give you that bloody heads up. But, you know. All right. Well, when you start talking the fantasy one, so I'll... But please, do go on about this middle of the earth one. Well, they, because the idea, I guess, is that they'd never seen sunlight properly, right? Sure. So that was kind of where that theory came from.

Yeah, fair enough. And they're like, where's... The only place where there's no sun. The middle of the earth. Still doesn't explain why they're green. Well, I think, I mean, that one also just thinks that there are different race of people, different species. Yeah, but a different race of people, like, their skin wouldn't then change to... Because then she just went not green as she grew up.

Yeah, so, I mean, maybe not race or whatever. They're different... It's a different civilization, and they, whatever they do in their diet, Maybe their lack of light or whatever their diet is, I guess, probably would be what. Fact. Nobody nutted that one on the head. Next question. Science, boom.

Another theory is that they had somehow stepped through a door from a parallel dimension. Okay. Well, we're getting a little bit more fanciful. No, I'm interested to hear this from another dimension. Yep, that's the end of it. So, I mean, they step through, like a door. from another dimension. I mean, that's kind of, that's pretty much the theory.

Great, well, I see zero flaws in that, so we're going to pick that one? Well, can you, maybe you could fill it out a bit. What do you, what are you thinking? I don't know. I don't know. I'm about alternative dimensions. Well, fortunately, I am an expert. Great.

Excellent. That's why I was asking Dave, Jess. I'm sorry. There's no way. I'm so sorry. Obviously. I'll let the men speak. I'm so sorry.

You reckon that maybe, um, in another dimension, this girl was the fifth beetle. Dave. That's my theory. That's probably right. It's not a bad theory. Or she was Gumby's... Dad.

Dad. Weird dimension this one. Weird one. It's weird. It's like that old series Sliders. You ever see that? Yeah, I remember Sliders. Oh, I read the bell.

Was that guy from Stand By Me? Oh, yeah. And Jerry Connell? Jerry O'Connell. Yeah, was Jerry O'Connell? And I remember, one episode, and so every episode was them sliding through into different dimensions, and they're all like similar to Earth. The catch is, they're all New York City.

But they're not necessarily, but yeah, they were sort of... Science fiction on a budget, that is. But one of the worlds I remember they went to, I don't think they spent the whole thing in that they went there, and everything was pretty much exactly the same. Only the women all had goatees. I told you the budget was pretty small for this show We blew all our budget But we do have This packet of goatees that I found backstage

This packet of goatees There's like 10 Oh 10 bloody hell There's 10 godies We could have up to 10 women in a scene Which is pretty good Oh yeah Because otherwise if it's different scenes

You could just drop and change Which seems healthy That seems pretty fine by OHNS Was Jerry O'Kone I just can't handle it I want to kiss these women, but they've got goadies. What's going on? Your face is very animated just then.

I got to jump it back to the slide. Did they go down a slide? No. No, I think it was more just like a wormhole or a portal. Super fun, happy slide. Woo! But I can't tell you for sure. That joke was signs laughed, wasn't it?

Well, you talked over it, but at home, they would have probably singled out the audio and they're playing it back. In another dimension, am I right? Oh, Jess, how did you give him that? Thank you. He didn't have given him that. Matt was trying to be like, give him nothing, give him nothing. I cracked her.

You did, you've got a cracker. Am I the code? I've always wanted a cool nickname. Is it the code? Yours is Bop. Sick. Bop's pretty good. Bopper's a great pick.

Or J.P. Where's this Bob from again? The big bopper. The big bopper. Right. That's a good nickname. Good solid foundation for a nickname that one. Here's another one.

one, I just listened to an hour long interview with this guy, this Scottish astronomer Duncan Lunan. Great name. He had, he has a theory, he's a current guy. As in he's alive now. He's currently a, yeah, he's currently a human. At the time of recording, he was alive. His theory is that they were aliens and they accidentally arrived on Earth.

Yeah, that's what I'm guessing. So, and this guy's a proper astrotect. Yeah, I believe so. Well, I just, yeah, that's what makes the most sense to me. Yeah. I mean, something in that just clicks, right? That just, it just seems right. I love the accidental part.

Yeah, that's what they weren't. They fell out of the spaceship because they were playing too close to the door, and their mother kept saying, don't play so, sorry, translated as, yeah, don't play so close to that door, you'll slip out, oh, they're gone. He, um. Into the wolf pen. So he thought, and I think this probably will get you over the line if you weren't fully on board.

Oh, you're already on board. But I'm not. Okay. I'm still another dimension, Matt, but I could be won over. So he suggested that children were transported to Earth from another planet in error by a malfunctioning matter transmitter. He's so specific this guy. I don't you love that? It's like, this thing I'm making up?

Yeah. Storn the details. Well, I mean, look at bloody Harry Potter, you know, the detail, created our own world. That's true. Same thing. That's true. Except that this is real. What?

The madder thing happened. Yeah? Yeah. You know. So did Harry Potter. Possibly in another dimension. No, that's true. Boom.

Yeah, definitely. Like, isn't, because there's all the other dimensions, everything that is ever possible has happened. That, I think about that way too much, because then I think everything is the same, except one of your beard hairs was in a different position. And then I think, but then every beard hair in every position

and everything else is exactly the same as this reality, except for a billion years, the only thing that's different is that beard hair was up a bit. What a theory. That freaks me out so much. And then I think about all the different things.

But every second they're in different spots as well. Yeah, every single second or like, this episode cuts out for a split second. But this second cuts out. in a different reality than this second and then this second and this second and in another reality I didn't even mention this sentence and it was probably better.

But in another reality you mentioned every other possible sentence. In another reality does Jess give a fuck? Yes. Yeah. Wow. Two different realities. He, um, so in the interview I listen to, which I listen on the plane on the, on the way back here. Oh, I was on a plane.

On the virgin plane. I was on the plane. I travel for work. I'm on a plane. I met. I travel. Look, you know, Jess, it's true, thank you. It's amazing that you were sort of on the plane hearing to him say that out loud.

Yeah, it was weird. I was like, Matt, if you could just keep it down. We're all on this plane, right? Hello, welcome to plane. And the guy, it was great. He sounded like a really smart guy. So he sounded, this theory about the matter thing, he put that across really well. Well, if I'm being 100% honest and I'd like to be, I fell asleep during it.

So you found him soothing rather. than clever. I was very tired. I'm very tired from my traveling. But from what you heard and what you remember, he sounded pretty good. And he offered some great theories. He reckons that the king was probably involved. I think the king...

No, that's you. So King Stephen. Yeah, he reckons that the king probably was, you know, working on some alien thing or something and um right which is a classic king like the mistake like I think alien stuff was meant to be happening but this thing was a mistake like it wasn't meant to be a couple of kids but their king was involved somehow he reckons he reckons he reckon it went all the way to the top probably the pope as well really okay I kind of feel like when you come up with a theory you can convince yourself that it's true

and then any sort of evidence he would find he could point it towards what he wants it to suggest. But have or did he point to any evidence or did he say? Yeah, he did. I just can't like I couldn't put my finger on any of it right now. Sure, fair enough. But I think... That sounds like the interview with him. So, do you have any evidence of this?

Yeah, I have. I just can't put my finger on it right now. Oh, I've got heaps. He did talk a lot about like he did a lot of delving. I've delved into something. He's got to scoffice. He was the one who had the Agnes theory as well. Oh, right.

So you know that probably bang on. Yeah. He also believes that Agnes may have had a love child with the king. Oh, geez, Louise. Well, yep, good. Okay, he had me for a bit. He never had me. Apparently the king came and visited...

Also, the king was a duck. The king... Stephen the Doug. Yeah, yeah. Have you heard this podcast? No, not Brian. Oh, it's not Brian. Oh, it's not Brian, sorry.

What's this guy's there? This is, uh, what's it? He had that cool name. Is it Chris Carter, the creator of the X-Files? Is that what this guy's name? But what's this is... Duncan Loonan. Duncan, okay.

The fact that he has the word Loon in his surname does worry me slightly. Agreed. Duncan Loonan. Um, there's a theory. another theory is that arsenic was the reason for the children's green skin. Does that make you green? Apparently. Do you know the

Babes in the Wood Folk Tale? No, please enlighten us. It concerns a medieval Earl who was the uncle and guardian of two young children, a boy and a girl. I'm seeing some similarities, please. Me too. In order to

inherit their money, the uncle hires two men to murder them in the woods, but the hit man are unable to to go through with it and they abandoned them in the woods. More like shit man. Yeah. That was a high five. Where they eventually die of starvation.

Oh. The hitman did their job. Just didn't get paid for it. Maybe they did. They just told me I killed them. It's probably a more brutal way to go, really. Yeah. Starvation. Jeez, shit man. Thanks a lot, shit man. There's a local variation of this spoke tale for,

from the Walpit area Sorry Do all folk tales have to have a mural Because what's the moral there? Yeah There is a one Well it's fucking

Yeah Good, okay So what's the That's what Nike That's Nike Slocan Sorry, it's all day I dream about sport Is that it?

It's a Puma runners It's um It's no fear Mamba farting dog It's a dog farting It's a dog farting

A dog trumpet What's the local variation The local Of just do it The local variation Have a go Has the children surviving Stop putting it off would you

The local variation Has the children surviving An attempted arsenic poisoning and emerging into the Woolpit Heath where they're found by the Reapers, right? So it's kind of a similar story. Yeah, yeah. So the Hitman take them out

and try and poison them with the arsenic. That turns them grain. Yeah. And then they go crazy, so they start speaking like this. Yeah. So that means they're some saying, it's like, I guess there's some people don't even believe it happened at all, right?

Oh, so they're saying like, well, we're talking about that folk tale and everyone, just because you say the word folk tale, you know what didn't happen. So how about this could also be a folk tale? Maybe. I don't know. This one is probably the most popular explanation.

It has been put forward by Paul Harris, also in only the last couple of decades. He was suggesting that the kids were children of Flemish merchants who would move to England. The Flemish are from North Belgium. At that time, there were many Flemish migrants during King Henry II's time. He persecuted the immigrants, which culminated a battle where thousands were slaughtered. And the theory is that the children had lived near the village of Fornum St. Martin, which is where they said they were from St. Martin. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right.

Which was a nearby town. So that's what his theory is that they were children of Flemish, migrants, their parents have been killed, so they'd been orphaned, and they were living in a near-year-old. nearby town. The village, which was only a few miles from Woolpit, is separated by the River Lark. Oh, river ticking the boxes. Which is, you know, what this theory says is probably the wide river mentioned by Agnes. After their parents have been killed in the conflict, the two Flemish children escaped into dense woodland of Thetford Forest.

They hid there for a while without enough food and they could have developed Chlorosis due to malnutrition Which can give a greenish tinge to your skin So that's a real condition that people still Yeah Okay, chlorosis And he believes that they You know

Then they could have By the sounds of the church bells Of Barry St Edmonds Which is a church Eventually emerging at Woolpit And here in their undernourish state With their strange Flemish cloverished state with their strange Flemish clothes

and speaking in the Flemish language they would have seemed alien to the villages who would not have had any contact with Flemish people so that's that theory That seems the most plausible That does seem quite plausible Yeah Yeah that totally sounds like a good explanation

But then... Oh no And then he's like, and then the aliens came Oh yeah, no Paul, come on, come on Paul, you had us, you really had us There were some holes in it And that is still seen as like one of the most popular explanations.

According to Paul Harris.net. Yeah. One of the problems with it is that Flemish merchants had lived in England for generations around that area. Meaning their language and clothes. Oh, it wasn't like that far away. It wouldn't have been. It was like, oh yeah, that's just those, those Flemish pants everyone's wearing. They're quite popular.

Especially to Sir Richard Branson and those sort of guys were, you. you know, relatively educated and world. Yeah, so Richard would have been like, oh yeah, they're just Flemish guys, relax. Yeah. But he didn't say that. He didn't say that. He said, fuck, what do we do? Get some beans.

I don't know what's happening. Get him some beans. Stat. Another issue is that Barry St. Edmonds is 40Ks away from Setford Forest. It's a crazy walk for a couple of little kids. That's a crazy walk for it. I'm an adult. I would not do that.

And they also... In any of these times, I would surely die. And also... Yeah, you would be long dead. Oh, my God. I think about that all the time. I watch TV shows like Game of Thrones, and I think, I would just lay down and give up.

It's awful. It looks horrible. Why are they all struggling to... Like, they're fighting so hard. No. Just give up. Give up. It sucks.

Peace. Just everlasting peace. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I'm so tired. Good night. Good night, yeah. Let the blood drain from a me. Is that how they talk in Gamma Thrones?

Oh. Don't like that. Okay So, but also over the 40Ks You're unlikely to hear Church bells ringing What's that? Church bells

I got pretty good hearing Yeah Can you get to hear a church bell from 40 kilometres Even with green If you too Shut up for long enough And got me some peace and quiet I reckon

Well I reckon So the theory there is The hole that I found in the hole Is that They don't have to First start walking Because of the bells They probably just wandered

through a forest and then when they're about two kilometres away they're, oh, there's some bells, let's walk over there. Yeah. It's not like you've heard them

the whole time. And you've followed the sound of the bells. Could have been walking for weeks through the forest. Could be true. Eating nuts and berries. And green stuff.

Green stuff. Grass. Trumes. And another thing, the river lark is pretty narrow. And did the kids say wide river? Yeah,

they, oh, what did she say? She called it. She described it as a considerable river. Ah. Yeah, but considerable to who? Like, how old are you by now? Have you seen that many rivers?

She's dropping luminous. Yeah, exactly. She's grown up since then, right? So maybe she's misremembering. That's true. But how do you explain the Flemish stuff? It not being alien. Maybe there was a weird local dialect or something.

See, this is another, like, D.B. Cooper episode in that it's so fascinating, but it's so frustrating. Yeah, unsatisfying. It's perfect because there's no, there's no. there's no resolution. Okay, well, hopefully that's why I thought I'd finish with something that was, you know, slightly more resolutiony. Not to the mystery, but...

So in no way. Well, I mean, no one's 100% sure what happened to Agnes. I think, well, Duncan Loon thinks he's a 100% sure. What happened to Agnes? But, yeah, Duncan Loonen, he researched Dekarney's history and apparently found that she was given the English name of Angus and married a royal official called Richard Barry or Barr. So who's Dacani? Dacani's Sir Richard.

Oh, right, sorry. I keep calling him Branson in my mind. So he discovered that she married him. No, he looked in a Dacarney's history and found the person he thought most likely to be her. Oh, to be Agnes and what happened to it? And she married a royal official named Richard Barr or Barry, B.A. and became Agnes Bar. She eventually led a normal life,

and according to Ralph, was a servant. Ralph magazine, that is. Yeah, according to Ralph. She was on a centerfold. According to Ralph, she's a double D. Hey, I don't like the... Put your bloody little pecker away, mate. Oh, no.

They keep slipping it out. Oh, no, no. It's funny that, yeah, it's just... It's funny that you think that's appropriate. Three explicit eats Please So according to Ralph She became a servant

In Sir Richard Branson's household On one of his Fijian islands And she was described as very wanton and impudent I don't know what does that mean Is that a way to finish She was trying really hard to master these new words And that's pretty much it Have you looked at what imputed

I don't even know what impudent means Google that for me. What's wanton mean? Oh, you look at both. What just means you want something? Like I've got a wanton craving. I don't think. So what is that?

I mean, what is that? She's very wanton. No, I don't think that's what it means. And what was the other word? Wanton and... Oh, man. My computer is so slow. Impudent.

Yeah, sorry. It's not, it's not the best formed episode before. Who's captioned? That's very good. What a face. Sammy, just tested positive for gorgeous. Should we sort of redo that end bit so it doesn't just trail up into this? That's probably a good idea. Wanton, deliberate and unprovoked, or especially of a woman, sexually immodest and promiscuous.

She's a ho. I don't want to finish. on that. Impudent, impudent, not showing due respect for another person. Impertinent. All right, we won't finish with that. What do you want to finish on? Do anything else?

Just say that, like, what we think happened. Yeah, I think we'll go through there. So, yeah, so, so that's Duncan's theory that she became, you know, she married a royal official. What do you reckon? I love that, Roy, which, in what society is, especially, in an old society like that where everyone's got rankings and things like, what sort of royal official is marrying the green woman they found in a field? Maybe she was a babe.

Wow. Maybe she had a great personality. She was in the woods. It was in Ralph magazine. Maybe she was really funny and they just clicked. There's something about her that's like for the first time in his life he felt like he could really open up to someone. And he can make himself vulnerable and he could connect with somebody.

And, uh, and you know, they formed a trust and a bond. Yeah, laugh at romance, Dave. I'm a little bit disappointed with your attitude through the whole show. I mean, you've got your little bloody pecker in your hand. And you're making these weird calls about how love is dead and royals don't have any feelings. Well, he's a body... And she's not good enough for him. Well, you know what?

She is good enough. She is good enough for him. He can see past her weird hideous green skin, which is cleared right up by this thing. Cleared right up. She's a normal skinned person. Well, what would you call normal? Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no.

Now, what do you think, mate? You've done the research on this. I reckon there's got to be, there's just got to be an explanation. I reckon, I reckon something like the Flemish thing is right. Yeah. Only they... What are there another culture? Yeah, I feel like another...

Another culture or they... Just that town hadn't had before. Because obviously, in the world now, such a glorious... global society. Yeah. 800 years ago, they probably only ever saw the town next door and that's about it. Yeah,

if that. And then, well, and maybe they, you know, they, they were. Oh,

who's fascinating? They weren't super educated. Maybe they spoke a local dialect from a small town in a, in a European country. Maybe they just had like a really chabby voice. They couldn't understand their, their accent. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe they had really fat faces. Is that what you said, chubby? No, chabby, you know, chab.

Oh, like chab. Yeah, they were wearing fake burberry clothes. Is that what that's all I know what to be chav to be? Our English listeners will know if that's right or not. Tweet in. Tweetin. And chav's like a bogan, right?

Yeah, it's just like the attempt for bogan, scummy and. Cool. Tweet in if you're a chav and you listen to this show. Always punching down, Dave. Guy, he's just all at it. And it's hard for someone so small. Chavs can also feel like. I was like to say, are chavs below me?

Oh. Hmm, that's right. A little bit of modesty for one. I'm always punching up. Nah, when he's this good looking, you can say whatever you like. And there he is again. Okay. Well, we have to have a talk to you after the podcast.

Hey, Dave, what are people's, people have described you as looking like as somebody. Oh, no, no, no. Who was that? Yeah. I've got a nickname at the office. Uh-huh. It's, um, it's cheese. Sure.

Cheese. Because, um, um, Beschemel saw. sauce is cheesy and Bessimel sounds a bit like Bishimi and I'm told it looks like Steve Boshimi. Jesus, that's a long stretch for a nickname. That's pretty good. You know what you look like?

You look like... Oh no. I hate, this is... I get this sentence a lot. Hey, you look like, and I'm like, this is never... It's never like, you know what you look like? Ryan Guzzling on a bad day, which I would take. Yeah, of course it would.

Fucking hell. Maybe that's what I was about to say, Dave. Dave. Good day? Bad day. Average day. Average day. Average day.

The last day of a cold. Dave? Last day of a cold. See, I often get mid-cold. No, last day of a cold. He's on the stretch, just wants to have a bit of a lie down. Matt, please don't unpack what I said. What you're saying is that you would be okay if someone said you look like someone who is often described as one of the hottest people in the world.

You'd be okay with that. On a bad day. He's still beautiful. No, no, what I'm saying is I... You're a real piece of work day. No. What I'm saying is, I never get that. Yeah, no shit.

Because you know what you do look like? The bad guy from Monsters Inc. The purple dot monster thing. I don't know what that looks like. I don't know what that looks like. Is he Billy Crystal or the other guy? No, not Billy's a good guy. So, anyway, long story.

You look like a cartoon monster. I look like a monster. It's the summary there. Slash Steve Bishimi. I think that character was played by Steve Bishimi. Oh, that adds up. This is. Let's find out.

Well, Dave, I mean, you, I mean, you can have a go back at Jess. Who's she was like for him? On Gosley? On a good day. Randall, played by Steve Boshimi. Oh, fucking hell. That is a...

What does it look like? Show me the phone. This can't be a positive. What do you reckon? I think it's just the Steve Bishimi game. Maybe more adult. Is that the same character? Yeah.

The first one was him as teenager in Monsis II. Munster's University. It's the Bishimi connection. I watch that. In Las Vegas. Oh, yeah, I see that. How did this podcast go from the green children to what does Dave look like? Well, you started it, mate.

Did I? Yeah, because you started talking about how hot you are. Great. Cocky. That always happens. Anyway. That always happens. I just part into a conversation.

I talk about how good looking I am and then everyone tears me down. I think mainly because they're threatened. Oh, God. Stop it. Well, for another unsatisfying episode. That's a very interesting. interesting story though. Yeah.

I'd never heard of it. Did you know about that? No, I'd never heard of it at all. Thank you very much at Rewind Turtle. Another excellent suggestion. People, I'd love to hear listener theories. That's where they came from if anyone's got anything. Because I do feel empty with that lack of bloody closure.

Find us on Facebook and let us know what you think. Because I say Facebook because Twitter limits your characters, you know? Yeah, we want us. Facebook really tell us your thoughts. We want book length answers. I want dot points. Or even just a link to a thing that probably gives a better answer than what I found. Which could be anything.

Oh. A link to a picture of a sponge. But of course. It was there all along. I'll probably solve that mystery. Yeah, cool. And if you do have a mo, just a little moment. I'm glad you.

Just define what Moe means. Well, yeah, because it also means my stash. I don't have a little Mo stash. But I do have many little moments for you, Maddie. Well, Jess, if that's the case, do you mind giving us a little five-star review on iTunes? Well, I mean, I'd be bloody delighted. Follow us on Twitter, like us on Facebook.

What else, Dave? You can also, so we're at Do Go On Pod is the handle. But we should also email us, because I know some people aren't on Twitter, so it's do go on pod at gmail.com. But of course, Rewan Turtles had some great suggestions, but you could have some great suggestions too. Me? Can I?

No. Well, you've never had a good suggestion. You always go from the Hat because you don't need good suggestions, right? Boom. Wait, I did that episode about, I chose Burke and Wills myself. Yeah, that was fun, wasn't it? That was great. I really was.

I enjoyed it. Actually, it was a great episode. I enjoyed that a lot. Go back and listen to that. If you haven't listened to our old episodes, they're all fantastic. But yeah, you're tweeting. It is genuinely great to hear people making suggestions. And the hat is filling up.

But you know what? We're going to keep going forever. I propose that we don't stop this podcast until the hat has run dry. Wow, okay. 600 years. I might want to family or travel? No. Okay.

So what I'm saying is, if you want to keep this show going, keep the suggestions happening because then we can't stop. We'll come in here and go, please stop tweeting. Oh, that would be a sad day. Please stop making suggestions. Please. I love to see my grandchildren. I enjoyed doing this. Yeah.

It is the highlight of my week. It's going to say, that's the highlight. I have a great time. So please do keep listening and tell a friend. That's honestly I think how we're getting out there is people just telling their friends. So thanks so much for listening, guys.

We'll see you next week with a brand new report. And before that, I will say a goodbye. Bye. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later,

oh, you should come to Manchester. We were just in Manchester. But this way you'll never, will never miss out. And don't forget to sign up, go to our Instagram, click our link tree. Very, very easy.

It means we know to come to you and you'll also know that we're coming to you. Yeah, we'll come to you. You come to us. Very good. And we give you a spam-free guarantee.