Do Go On - 351 - The Greatest Ever Beer Run

Episode Date: July 13, 2022

In November 1967 John ‘Chickie’ Donohue went on the most epic beer run of all time, from a New York Bar to the Vietnam War, tune in to hear the story! Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: dogoonpod.com or patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/ Check out our new merch! : https://do-go-on-podcast.creator-spring.com/ Stream our 300th episode with extra quiz (and 16 other episodes with bonus content): https://sospresents.com/authors/dogoon Check out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​ Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:The Greatest Beer Run Ever by John Chick Donohue and J. T. Molloyhttps://allthatsinteresting.com/john-chickie-donohuehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4WAUmyKDq0&t=6shttps://nypost.com/2020/11/07/meet-the-man-who-brought-his-buddies-beer-in-the-vietnam-war/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfoaFasHN2Y Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Just jumping in really quickly at the start of today's episode to tell you about some upcoming opportunities to see us live in the flesh. And you can see us live at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2024. We are doing three live podcasts on Sundays at 3.30 at Basement Comedy Club, April 7, 14 and 21. You can get tickets at dogo1pod.com. Matt, you're also doing some shows around the country. That's right. I'm doing shows with Saren Jayamana, who's been on the show before. We're going to be in Perth in January, Adelaide in February, Melbourne through the festival in April, and then Brisbane after that. I'm also doing Who Knew It's in Perth and Adelaide. Details for all that stuff at mattstuartcomedy.com.

We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Love to go on. My name is Dave Warnke and as always I'm here with Matt Stewart and also Jess Perkins is here. Hello.

Hey Dave, how's it going? Well, thanks. How are you? Yeah, really good thanks. Really good. You did quite a violent gesture when you pointed to me saying Matt Stewart and then you full hand point to Jess saying Jess Perkins like you weren't sure we would know who you were talking about. I actually meant to slap both of you but I missed both times. Oh, that's so Dave.

So I'm glad you, I was hoping you wouldn't bring her. That is so Dave. Tries to slap and misses. Yes, twice. Oh, damn it. Let's get little arms. So good to be here at Jess's house recording this podcast. This beautiful, sunny winter's day.

You're giving away too much information about the location of my house. That's right. They'll be able to pinpoint. She does have windows. information about the location of my house. That's right. They'll be able to pinpoint. She does have windows. Pinpoint the location of the sun. Matt, stop speaking. I can see a tree. Oh, no, I've said too much.

You piece of shit. Sorry. I need all of that beeped. Redacted. Redacted. Hey, Jess, you know, while I'm beeping that stuff out, can you explain to the listeners, especially new listeners, what this show is all about? Absolutely.

This is a show called Do Go On. And there's three of us. And we take it in turns to research a topic. We bring it back to the other two who don't know what we're going to talk about. We talk about it. And they make jokes. And, look, we all have a good time. That's the most important part.

It's often suggested by a listener. And we always get on to the topic with a question. And question and matt it is your turn to do a report this week so what is your question my question is according to historian max nelson who wrote this in like 2005 or something what so it might not be true anymore but i think it was at least to him that's why i put his name in there because someone's probably like, oh, actually, I don't think that is. But anyway. What is the current year? 2005. Sorry, Max Nelson, what is the third most popular drink? Milk.

Seawater. No, neither of those are correct. Third most popular. Third most popular. Tea. Tea is number two. Okay. Coffee.

Coffee's not in the top three. Water's number one. What's number three? It's not soda. It is beer. Well done. Fuck you, Dave. Oh, sorry.

We went for different. I went competitive and you went supportive. Good work. Thanks, Dave. Because I was thinking Coca-Cola's got to be up there, but we've done it. Was Cola on the list? Cola wasn't on Max Nelson's list from 2005. I'm deeply offended coffee's not there.

Yeah, it's interesting. So tea, yeah, I guess. I'm not a huge tea drinker myself, though. I love tea. I don't mind an herbal tea. I love a peppermint. I love an Earl Grey. I think you know that's about me.

I do know that's about you. But yeah, no, I love tea. I love coffee, too. Don't get me wrong. You're drinking one right now. You also love beer. I also love beer, I love tea. I love coffee too. Don't get me wrong. You're drinking one right now. You also love beer. I also love beer. I love liquid.

I think you love liquid. I love liquid. How do you feel about smoothies? I love smoothies. How do you feel about soupies? Soupies are pretty good. We're starting to get a little bit further away from liquid than I would feel most comfortable with. So they're like, because you don't like a thick liquid.

No, I mean. What about like a thick shake? Thick shake's okay. Better than a milkshake or worse than a milkshake? A thick shake. Oh. No, yeah, I prefer a smoothie. Is that an option?

Okay, what about a blended cheese and tomato sandwich? What about that? No, that sounds gross. Okay. Okay, that's interesting. We just got to find the level here. Put a little bit of milk in there

and make it a bit more... I don't know why, but I feel disgusted by that. You prefer water? Come on, mate. Get your head out of your ass. I'd fucking smash at water right now. This topic, which I don't even think I'll tell you what it is.

I don't know. You can help me call it something later. But it was suggested by Johnny Dawson from Leicester in the UK, Tyler Edwards from Canton in Georgia in the United States, and Lisa from Germany. And it's a story about... And beer is at the centre of it. Okay, great. It's not the story of beer, but it's a beer-related story. Okay.

And it begins now. Wow. In November 1967, John Chicky Donahue. Chicky. Chicky's the nickname. That's what I'm going to refer to him for the rest of the report. Chicky. Chicky.

Spelled how? C-H-I-C-K-I-E. Chicky. Chicky. Love nickname. That's what I'm going to refer to him for the rest of the report. Chicky. Chicky. Spelled how? C-H-I-C-K-I-E. Chicky. Chicky. Love it. Thank you. Me too. So November 1967, John Chicky Donahue was at his local pub, Doc Fiddler's, in Inwood,

which is a neighbourhood of Manhattan in New York City. Oh, NYC. The Big Apple. Sitting there asleep. Exactly. You know what i'm talking about uh the bar was run by an army vet named george lynch but everyone called him the colonel oh he only ever reached the rank of private first class when he served demanded to be called colonel

though yeah just in that bar the the regulars loved him they respected respected him. He was a big army. He loved the army. Apparently, he put up an American flag outside his pub every morning and took down every night, like, you know, like... Yeah, right. Almost ceremoniously. At this time, there was growing anti-Vietnam War sentiment in America. So, this is... It's really heating up the war in Vietnam at this point.

And the evening news that they were watching, the six o'clock news in the pub, was showing coverage of an anti-war protest at Central Park in New York from that day. The colonel and others at the bar were unhappy that the protesters were turning anti-soldier as opposed to just anti-war. I think they were like, you know, be anti-war,

but don't take it out on the soldiers. Yeah like surely take it out on the politicians who are drafting the soldiers to send over there but you know these soldiers as far as they were concerned they're just doing their duty they're just people they're serving their country some of them are you know what they're being drafted it's not even their choice um since lyndon b johnson had taken over the american presidency from jfk the number of american Johnson had taken over the American presidency from JFK The number of American troops had increased in the conflict from 16,000 to half a million Wow Lyndon B. conscripting

Yes Lyndon B. conscripting Dave That was amazing Thank you I had to say it because people at home were like Is he going to They're going to make a joke about Lyndon B. after a JFK episode last year

I'd written Mine wasn't as good I'd written People at home are like, is he going to make a joke about Lyndon B after a JFK episode last year? I'd written, mine wasn't as good, I'd written, Lyndon be sending lots of troops. The worse the better with Lyndon B. That's why I figured. That's why you wrote that. Just for the comedy effect. You're shit.

Have you ever thought something I said was dumb? Let me just say, I meant it. I meant it to something I said was dumb? Let me just say I meant it. I meant it. That should be dumb. That's true for me as well. The colonel knew many locals who had served or were currently serving in Vietnam and he felt the anti-soldier sentiment was unfair. He thought news of this would be demoralising to the young soldiers

if they caught wind of it and he wanted to somehow show them they were supported. I guess he was thinking about the ones coming back He thought news of this would be demoralizing to the young soldiers if they caught wind of it. And he wanted to somehow show them they were supported. I guess he was thinking about the ones coming back as well as the ones over there. If they're seeing this news with banners saying, GIs are murderers and this sort of stuff. Yeah, you often see in movies and stuff, them coming back and people spitting on them in the streets.

Is that true? Yeah, I believe so. That's how bad the sentiment was. And you're right. A lot of them are like they've called your birthday and you have to go over and you're like a 19-year-old kid. Young kids. I don't think the lottery had happened at this point,

but that did start happening a couple of years later. It got changed. But at this point there was a draft still. And it sounds like it was kind of you could sort of wriggle your way out of it, especially the more privilege you had. You know, like if you had someone who knew someone, they could write a letter and you'd get out of the draft. Gotcha.

But in this neighborhood, apparently for the most part, if you got drafted, you'd go. So in his bar that night, the colonel suggested a plan. There's some things i'm quoting uh throughout this report and it's from a book written by chicky about the event um so in the book it quotes uh it quotes the colonel saying this out to all the the punters in the bar he said somebody ought to go over to nam track down our boys from the neighborhood and bring them each a beer. Bring them excellent beer. Bring them messages from back home.

Bring them encouragement. Tell them we're with them every step of the way. That was his idea. That's what the colonel was thinking. And this is where John Chicky Donahue comes in. Chicky was a US merchant mariner, a civilian seaman who worked on tankers and other commercial ships. Jess, if you could just explain to the class why you're having a giggle there i tried to conceal the giggle what are we giggling about please seaman

sorry i tried to not and then dave made it obvious i laughed sorry i laughed because you laughed i was being very mature. And then... I brought the whole tone down. I'm sorry. That's right. Now the whole class has to stay back. Damn it.

Right. You're going to write semen on the board a hundred times. In what? What colour chalk? Oh, thank God, chalk. So, Chickie was a merchant mariner let's say and prior to this he served in the u.s marine corps for four years from the late 50s into the 60s as a seaman yes he joined at the age of 17 they rejected his application to rejoin in 1967 citing his old age he He was 26. Too old.

So he tried to re-up, as he said, but they're like, nah, you're too old. All right, old man. Wow. Come on, Grandpa. Jog on, mate. Okay, keep going. Oh, sorry, you probably can't jog. I'm going to break a hip.

How about you just waddle on gently, okay? Fucking hell. Which is interesting because they needed so many. Yeah. Right, so you've had a couple of years, they're like, please come back. Take a 26-year-old. That's a young person. And they've been in before so you've had a couple of years, they're like, please come back. Take a 26-year-old. That's a young person. And they've been in before.

They've got a bit of maturity now. He's seen the world. Come on. I would kill to be 26. Yeah. Kill. Kill. Well, Vietnam, a war might be the exact place for you.

Yeah. But you come home and you're even older than when you left. This is bullshit. This is... What the fuck? I said I'd kill to be 26. Not for this. Many locals were drafted in the military out of high school at the age of 18.

Oh, God, that's so awful. You could even join at 17, though your parents would have to sign a permission slip. Like a field trip in school, a 9,000 mile field trip from which they might never return, as Chicky later wrote in his book. Yeah. I mean, I guess any field trip could be something you don't return from, can't it, you know? That's why you've got to just live every day. That time that we lost four people at the Ballarat Sound and Light show

at Sovereign Hill. Grim day. You didn't go look for them? No, they just didn't make it up back on the bus. But we hear that they set up a new lives there. That's good school up in Ballarat. Oh, that's really nice. Yeah, it's lovely actually.

Good sized town. We did a head count. Yeah. We were short a few. What are you going to do? 14 is basically 18. Yeah. We'll be right.

We ran it up. So, yeah, I'll quote this book a little bit. It's called The Greatest Beer Run Ever. And it's a great book. I read it both in word form on the page and also noise form in the ears. Is there a third way you're planning to consume it? I also printed out the pages and ate them. Fantastic.

But, yeah, obviously I don't go into the story in as much detail as the book. Fantastic book. Hot tip. Beautifully read on the Audible version. Is it read by Chicky? It's not read by Chicky, but it's read beautifully. I will say that. By late 1967, 28 inward locals, and this is only a small neighborhood,

28 inward locals had been killed in Vietnam, most of them in their late teens or early 20s. So real brutal. So I think this is all, all of this wrapped up into them being like, and the protesters have been pretty rough on the soldiers. Chiggy thought the Colonel was joking with his idea, going over for a beer run to war.

He's like, you can't be serious. By then he realized, no, he was dead serious. Wow. And the colonel, he was like, I'm going to do it myself. He asked Chicky for his semen pass, semen card. Look, don't ask any questions, but I need your semen card. Which is like, it's an ID that was pretty much used as a passport and for people who were qualified could get work on ships,

travel around the world, they didn't even need a passport. But it was a photo ID and stuff and Chicky's like, I mean, it's not going to work. Firstly, you don't look like me. He's like, I've got red hair and you're 10 years older and even if you did get a job, you don't know how to do that work. So he's like, that's not going to work. And then he thought about it a little bit more, maybe had a few more beers and he started to think maybe he was the man for

the job after all he was a merchant mariner and he had his seaman's card uh he could get a job on a ship heading to vietnam and make this audacious plan a reality by the following day word of the plan gotten gotten around the community. Chicky went back to the bar, got a big cheer from the crowd as he entered. They were like, he's going to do it. He's going to go say hi to our boys for us. He was having second thoughts, though. He's like, what did I fucking sign up for?

When the bar starts cheering, you're carried up onto the bar. Chicky, you can't say, I've had second thoughts. I actually think this might not be a good idea. We love you, Cheeky. Yeah. And, you know, when you wake up with a bit of a regret. I woke up the other week. I'd sent a nice email to someone I don't know that well.

But I'd had a few drinks. And I think I was, like, overly nice. And I woke up the next day like oh no what did i do imagine and i woke up with big regret about sending a nice email i can't imagine waking up having suggested you would sneak into a wall you thought you were too nice what's the consequence of that oh just you you know, when you open up a bit too much. Yeah. To someone who you don't know that well yet.

I love to be earned. No, I don't at all. It's gross. Yeah. I mean, I thought at the time I was being whatever. Yeah, just the right amount of nice. Yeah. But you were too nice.

Oh, yeah, that's the fear. But I think that part of the hangover is also like, that's a dropping away of self-confidence and other things as well. Yeah. So the locals are excited. They're cheering him on. So he's like, all right, I guess I'm going to do it. And he started compiling a list.

So there were a few people with, you know, their sons were over there. It's like, you got to go say hi to my son. And he knew all these people. He compiled the list and they also gave him, you know, their unit numbers or whatever. And that's all he had. So the list was Tommy Collins, Joey McFadden, Rich Reynolds, Kevin McLoone, Rick Duggan, and Bobby Pappas.

Oh, some good names in there. Yeah, I love them all. It was a small, close-knit community. Chicky knew all of these guys well. Bobby Pappas, for instance, was one of his best mates growing up, but he knew them all it was a small close-knit community chicky knew all of these guys well so bobby pappas for instance was one of his best mates growing up but he knew he knew them all some of them were younger brothers of his mates and whatever um so he was now up for the mission but he had great doubts that he'd even be able to pull it off like what are the odds that i can you know i can get to vietnam on a ship probably if I get the right job,

but what are the odds that I can just walk into a war zone? Oh, my God. The next day, he went down to the National Maritime Union Hall to go about getting a job on a Vietnam-bound ship. In the hiring hall, a board listed the ships that were in the port and what positions were vacant. So, you know, a big chalkboard or whatever, lists of the different boats.

I don't even think it said the destinations, but it said, oh, we need an oiler or we need a, you know, whatever. Any podcast jobs going? We need a podcast... Trio? Trio. We only go as a three. That's right.

I'll never leave you. Dave, you do have to leave my house at some point today. I will not okay i'll get the fold out bed for you thank you please hold it every time i try so accommodating bob well this is why he doesn't get paid rent in months i don't know how to say i don't know how to say no to him he's so cute all this stuff's in storage i don't think he has a home. Yeah, I do. Right here. For the three of us. Where do you think I go at night?

You go for a long walk. For about a week at a time. So, yeah, he's got this big board showing jobs that are vacant, what ships are in. Then he went in and there was also someone who'd come out and call out for ships. Ships! There's ships for ships. Ships! There's ships in there.

Ships! There's ships docking. Ships, do you want them? We got them. We got ships. You get a ship. So someone came out and the call came out. The Drake Victory is short an oiler.

And this was a job that Chicky was qualified for. He was qualified for a few different jobs. He'd done a few different jobs. An oiler was one of them. Basically just working in the engine room. Lubing. Lubing it up. Keeping it oiled.

Just a lubing seaman. Yeah, exactly. The Drake was a refurbished World War II ship. Its job was delivering ammunition to the American forces in Vietnam. Okay, that's where he wants to go. Exactly. Okay. But the ship was leaving imminentlyently and Chicky got the gig.

They were about to leave short one oiler and he goes, I can do that. And they're like, all right, but we're going now. You'll have to swim. They left half an hour ago. Someone get the dinghy. How fast can you canoe? Just watching a man canoe after a big tanker No, what they do is

They put him on a missile And they shoot him to the boat from another boat So they shoot a missile at the ammunition filled boat It's a blank one though It's filled boat. It's a blank one though. It's a blank one. It's a blank one. And also they shoot it just to the left and he just has to jump off at the right time. And he veers a little bit

left to really make sure. He puts his, he's still got an oar and he just he paddles to the left to make sure he's paddling. He's got a paddler on hand what, a six pack for the boys on the other? A six pack for the boys. I'm coming Tommy Donahue.

Yeah, he forgot that he said one of his friends first names and his surname. He was losing it. I'm coming Tommy Donahue. I'm a seaman and I'm... So he got the gig, but he didn't have enough time to head home to pack, so he quickly rushed to a nearby shop and bought a razor and some socks.

What more do you need? That's how I travel. Well, yeah, he purchased one other thing. He went to a bar and bought a mixed slab of local New York beers, including brands such as Pabst Blue Ribbon, Schaefer, Schlitz, Peels, Ballantyne, and Rheingold. He then saw a pay phone and made a quick call to his parents to let them know he was heading off for a while.

When they asked where he was going, he replied vaguely saying Asia. He'd been to vietnam before he didn't want to let his he didn't want to worry his parents were saying oh i'm just sneaking into a war um and even when he was there he never when he served he never really saw action he was on the perimeter of the war he was sort of i think yeah i don't know maybe he he just stayed on the boat or whatever, but he didn't go inland at all. Anyway, with that, he hopped on the Drake and less than 48 hours after the colonel floated this wild idea, set sail for Vietnam.

Wow. Isn't that wild? That is. With a pair of socks and a razor. Yeah. That's all, like, the clothes on his back. He takes them out. They're like... One spare pair of socks now and a razor to have a shave. No clothes on his back he takes them out they're like one spare

pair of socks now and a razor to have a show no spare jocks yeah spare jocks where's your change of clothes i don't have any stuff and then he's got this slab of beers and then doesn't drink them it's funny there's he's told the story differently a couple times already because sometimes he says he drank them on the way over but but I think officially in his book anyway, he stores them right at the back of the ship's fridge and he leaves them there for the... Oh, so they're cold. That's good.

Nice. Can he... Like, surely he could buy clothes and stuff on the boat. Warships have... Yeah, it's a P&O warship. Yeah, there's like a kiosk. There's like a little clothing shop. A little gambling area.

Exactly. It might not be his taste, but he'd at least be able to get a couple of T-shirts. He might have to wear a magnet or something. He might have to wear a magnet. Yeah. Or a tea towel or something. Yeah, that's right.

But tea towels can make very good underwear. They're good fashions. Only extra small or extra, extra large Hawaiian shirt. Yeah. So, up to you. Yeah, that'll do. So, after a brief stop over in Panama, I think they went across the Panama Canal. Oh.

I said that right. Yes. You didn't say canal this time. I can't help. If I read it and I read it in this book a few times, my brain just wants to say canal. Maybe it's because you also heard it in this book a few times. Yeah, that helped. Maybe I'm learning.

Proud of you. i'm like a learning robot that's what i think of myself as yeah so after a brief stopover in panama they sailed across the pacific ocean to vietnam the trip was relatively excitement free apart from when the ship caught fire and when you're sailing on a ship carrying 10 000 tons of ammunition fire is not ideal yeah especially if you're the oil guy yeah you're sailing on a ship carrying 10 000 tons of ammunition fire is not ideal yeah especially if you're the oil guy yeah you're probably covered in flammable liquid so there was smoke coming out and they were trying to figure out where it was coming from apparently before that they were fighting over who did what duties and stuff but he's like when we saw that

fire we all worked as a team to put it out and there were no there were no arguments after that for the rest of the trip uh the crew worked in shifts four hours on eight hours off four hours on eight hours off over and over for weeks on end and chicky pulled many double shifts so he was doing eight hours on eight hours off or whatever or probably eight hours on four hours off he's on double shifts then on january 19th 1968 after eight weeks at sea the drake victory dropped anchor in south vietnam's quignon harbor despite being docked in the harbor the seamen were still required to work their shifts because they had to keep the ship maintained he had to keep oil in that engine had to be keep oiling keep oil in it but with all his double shifts,

he'd banked up enough favors to cover three days away if he could get permission. Chicky naively thought three days would be enough time for him to find his friends. Okay. Yeah, that sounds all right, three days. How big can Vietnam be? Half a day.

It's only South Vietnam as well. What is it? We're talking about half a day per person? Yeah. Easy. You come to Australia, you're in Victoria, second smallest state. Easy peasy. You've got three days to find six people, no problem.

No fucking problem, mate. Yeah. Easy. I mean, you know their regiment numbers or whatever. Yeah. How hard can it be? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. No, I take back that question. I think it's easy. Two days. He was taking a leisurely stroll. Yeah. Yeah, third day's for vacation. For rest.

Yeah. That's when he buys souvenirs. Magnets, et cetera. Yeah. He needs new clothes. So there was no plan. He didn't know where they were. I mean, he knew they were in South Africa.

Great. I mean, he's narrowed down. You know, there's about 200 other countries they're not in. Yeah. That's right. Ready to go. Doesn't have enough waste time there. I'm in the right area.

Yeah. He also didn't have a change of clothes, as we've discussed. All he had was what he was wearing, a pair of jeans and a short-sleeved button-up checked shirt. He's been wearing it for eight weeks. Yes. In the book, he wrote, i'd thrown on clothes i knew would be cool in the ship's engine room and i hadn't really planned out a travel wardrobe for vietnam i just hadn't really thought about it i mean it happened really quick since he got the job

to he just didn't have a lot of time to think about it he sought permission from the ship's captain to take three days leave he had to spin a story about how his stepbrother was in Vietnam serving and he needed to give him some sad news and wanted to do it face to face. The captain grilled him, gave him a bit of a hard time, thought he was maybe full of shit. But in the end, he said, you can go on the strict condition, you're back on the ship in three days' time, 8 a.m. sharp. Okay.

He's like, and don't get killed. I can't be bothered with the paperwork. Love that. That's a great scene. So with his backpack, with beer, socks, and a razor, Chicky headed out into Vietnam. The first Americans he saw were some military police whose job it was to guard American ships in the harbour.

He noticed that their helmets had the insignias of the 127th MP Company. Checking his list, he realised it was Tommy Collins' unit. No. He asked the soldiers if they knew Collins, and they did, saying they were about to relieve his shift. Are you kidding me? So, like, so freaking lucky. Due to security reasons, the seamen on the Drake victory weren't told where they'd be docking in Vietnam.

But out of pure coincidence, they landed right on the doorstep of the first man on his list. Top of the list, Tommy Collins. He found him within... Seconds. Yeah, that's right. He couldn't believe it. And when he called out to his New York buddy, Tommy Collins couldn't believe it either.

He asked what the hell Chicky was doing there. And Chicky handed him a beer saying, quote, this is from the Colonel and me and all the guys in Doc Fiddler's. We all talked about it. And we decided that somebody ought to come over here and me and all the guys in Doc Fiddler's We all talked about it And we decided that somebody ought to come over here And buy you guys a drink In appreciation for what you're doing Well, here I am

You'd be like, okay, I've died and I'm in a dream This is, what the hell Apparently Tommy was gobsmacked He was like, what the hell is going on? I think that's a fair reaction Then he opened the beer Knocked it down in one go. And is Tommy having a beer with him like she is?

Chicky. Chicky, sorry. Is Chicky having a... Yeah, I think, yeah, they're sharing the beers. And then Chicky took Tommy and some of his soldier mates out to a bar that night and they drank and caught up until the bar closed. Then they went back to the barracks and drank

and sang Irish folk songs into the wee hours. Then all of a sudden, in the middle of the night, you know, they're causing a bit of a ruckus. A lieutenant comes out yelling at them, asking, what the hell are you doing? People trying to sleep. You're all drunk here. What's going on?

Tommy and the others snapped to attention as well as they could in their inebriated condition but chicky was feeling cheeky and he snapped back lieutenant on what authority are you questioning these men we're on a we're on a particular mission here tonight and i suggest you return to your barracks chicky you cheeky bastard somehow to the surprise of all involved, this worked. Oh, my God. Chicky had no idea why, but later, after other high-ranking officials paid him similar unearned respect, someone explained to him, they think you're CIA.

Because why the hell else would you be here? In jeans and a plaid shirt, no less. You couldn't be some sort of... You're not a tourist, are you? So, they're all thinking he's on some secret business. He's undercover sort of just getting around. And that's so, it happened on numerous occasions that high-ranking soldiers just let him go about whatever he was doing.

And that was a big part. He just sort of lucked onto this, but that was a big part of how he was able to make his way around Vietnam. That is amazing. Bright and early the next morning, Chicky continued on his journey. Amazingly, while at the bar the night before, he noticed a big Texan sergeant who wore a similar insignia of one of the other men on his list, Rick Duggan.

The Texan didn't know Duggan, but knew his Bravo company was up in Arnkay, and he offered to fly Chicky up there on a mail run the next morning. What? Which was now when it was. He's like, hey, I can fly you up. And he's like, I don't have any papers because you needed to show papers to travel inside Vietnam and especially on army planes and whatever. Look fair.

And he didn't have those, obviously. But the Texan was like, that's all right. I'll take up anyway. They flew around 40 miles northwest and Chicky jumped out with the bags of mail before the Texan took off again. So he just jumped out. The mail was dumped.

And the Texan sergeant flew. Unfortunately, the Bravo company in Duggan had already left Arnkay that morning, though. So his luck had run out a little here. Damn. Yeah, so it was so close to just going bang, bang. But yeah, he'd missed them by a couple of hours. Chicky was told they'd headed north closer to the demilitarized zone at the North Vietnam border. This was around 200 miles away from where chicky found

himself there were still a few soldiers around packing down the camp including a tent with a sergeant who was about a mile away he was told so chicky hiked up there and he found a sergeant who took pity on him when he spun a story about duggan being his stepbrother and that he needed to talk to him that was the story he told generally. He would be more honest with lower privates and lower race soldiers. Yeah, just here for a couple of beers with the boys. And then, yeah, no, he's my stepbrother. I've got terrible news that I simply must tell him.

So the sergeant agreed to let him fly up to see Duggan, despite the fact he didn't have the right papers, obviously, or any business being in the war zone at all. All Chiggy had to do to get on this plane was hike back to the airfield before it took off within an hour. So he had to sort of rush back now. And he was hurrying along in the recently abandoned area, which to me is like, that's pretty eerie in itself.

He's down a dirt road in the jungle. Was he on foot? On foot. And he's, you on foot on foot and he's you know he's no one knows he's there really yeah um he's all alone he doesn't know what's going on in the areas around him either he doesn't know why everyone's abandoned that space you know he doesn't know anything um so he's he's sort of doing a power walk down the dirt road to try and catch this plane when a Jeep approached. And so Chickie asked if he could hitch a ride.

This is how we got around. It was all hitching, either cars or planes or helicopters. The driver said, holy Christ, Chick, what the hell? Get fucked. It was Kevin McLoone, another friend from the list. Get absolutely fucked This is true This is amazing

Have you read a novel? It was in the fiction section Which I thought was weird Wow He explained the trip And handed Kevin a beer Kevin's like I'm driving

Okay so I'll hold the beer for you let me know when you want to sip i think kevin said something like oh do i dare drink and drive and then laughed and i don't know if i could just kidding i'm in an in a war and what's the worst could happen is everyone else in the jeep like the beers for us yeah they all the other two guys got beers and they were like what the fuck what the hell's going on they couldn't believe it either like yeah they were like what and he tells the story and they're like you're kidding like everyone it's this isn't like some oh in the 60s this sort of stuff was done everyone there was like this is fucking wild yeah uh so they had a bit of a catch-up uh chicky was able to fill in kevin

on what was going back home and uh but chicky was starting he's like the clock's ticking now he'd been there a day by this stage and he only had two more days yeah but he'd already found he'd already found two a third of his list third on the way yeah and um but he's like i i've really got to keep going i've um i need to catch this plane would would you be able to get me there and he's like no worries and kevin fang took another plane they said their goodbyes and like oh amazing this is real cool uh so he got on the plane two young g GIs were also on board, and he asked if they knew his friend Rick Duggan. They did.

They were in the same company. I mean, this is less of a coincidence because he knew this plane was going to where Duggan was. But then, so they were a couple of privates, I think, or, you know, lower-ranking soldiers. So he told the truth. He's like, I'm over here. I'm delivering a beer to Duggan.

And one of them was like, that is sick, man. But the other one, who was quite young, he apparently didn't want to have anything to do with him after that. He's like, this sounds like trouble. I'm not involved in this. Yeah, I can understand that, I guess. Once they landed, they were still a fair way from the final destination but he knew that if he followed the two gis they'd lead him straight to duggan when he tried to catch a helicopter to landing zone

jane a corporal asked for his rank they're like you gotta sign in a document to get on the planes he said my name's uh chicky donahue and he's like and rank he said oh uh civilian and the corporal was like what and he got suspicious like why would you be here and he said oh look you're gonna have to i'm not the highest ranking officer here i can't okay this you're gonna have to talk to the major he's sort of like going oh this isn't my problem i don't want to deal with this so i'll let chicky take the story up from here from his book the major turned to me and said you want to go to lz jane landing zone jane where are you coming from from down south sir i said i've got to see someone at lz jane i wasn't keeping it vague on purpose but it worked in my favor i see he said

the major and he gave me a knowing look it was the cia effect working its magic again oh my god i gotta see someone wink wink it's like all he's saying i need to shit gotta see a man about it i've got to see someone at landing zone jane ah say no more it's a code brown sir roger that So the major replies, okay, right, I understand. And he turned to the corporal, said, corporal, put Mr. Donahue on the list. And then he turned back to Chickie, said, did you eat yet? And I said, I hadn't. So the major put his arm around me, led me to the mess tent, and we dined together.

What? During the meal, he told me about what they'd been up to up there. I couldn't believe I was sitting there dining with a major. I went into the Marines of Private, and four years later, I came out of Private. But I was a four-star general when it came to slinging BS. At one point, he leaned over and asked furtively, Can you tell me a little bit about what's going on?

Sure, I'd be glad to, I said. See, I have a stepbrother, Rick, who's in Bravo Company and I'm going to bring him a beer. With that, the major burst into laughter and shook his head. You guys from Saigon are all alike, he said. You keep everything to yourselves.

Yeah, you see, I came here all the way from New York to give a guy a beer. Yeah, sure. If you don't want to tell me, you don't want to tell me. I shouldn't have asked. I shouldn't have asked. Don't have to make up crazy stories. That's a good one, Sarah. That's amazing.

So I guess CIA is based in Saigon or what's now Ho Chi Minh City. Saigon was the capital of South Vietnam. Yeah. From dinner, Chickie headed straight to the helicopter to catch his flight. On board, another little quirky tale occurred, and I'll let Chickie tell this one too. This one's pretty silly, but I thought worth telling. I thought you'd get a little kick out of it.

Okay, we'll see. But let's see. I want to get a little chick out of it. So this is Chickie. You fly with the doors wide open, and I have to admit, about halfway to Pleiku, I was scared. We were headed to Heilang up in Kuangtri province, less than an hour away from the demilitarized zone.

We were not over friendly territory. Now, a little thing I did not know about choppers is how much the wind rushes inward, and I must confess, I passed gas. The pilots and the GIs made a big deal out of it i guess it was bad so the pilot cut off the engine he yelled okay everybody out now this is unbearable and we started to drop what i thought we were going to crash into enemy territory i was totally freaking out then the pilots looked at each other and started roaring with laughter they turned the

engine back on and we swooped up. They'd been busting my chops. I mean, how bad is... Prank! I thought we were going to die. Prank. How bad does your fart have to be? The air rushing in from the outside doesn't blow.

You know, when you pull down the window in the car and it's enough. But that's a hell of a fart. I think he shat his pants. I think maybe some of that dinner he had with the major was it. Yeah, that's right. Didn't sit right. No, in fairness, this is a man who's been wearing the same underwear for 10 weeks at this point. And he's also living on a diet of beer.

Yeah. Yeah. It'd be pretty, pretty rough stuff, I think. Prank. But also, like, pretty rough stuff, I think. Prank. But also like, you're in a war. Should we, should we be pranking?

You know what I mean? It's actually like, let's not turn the engines off. Let's not. Just plummeting from the sky. Prank. All right, that's it.

This part is so bad, I'm going to kill us all. Everybody out. Everybody out is funny. Yeah, that is good. All right, everybody out. That's good stuff. That part. Everybody out is funny. Yeah, that is good. All right, everybody out. That's good stuff. That fart has made me welcome death.

We've all had farts that have made us welcome death, okay? Well, on that fun note, we'll be back right after this message. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. this message. York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. All right, so he's caught the plane, done a big fart. That is chops busted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when they arrived in Quang Tri province, a sergeant major greeted them and they asked the two GIs he was with,

who's this guy? Who's this stinky man? Who the fuck is this? Who's this increasingly stinky guy? This guy smells like shit. Who the fuck is he? Did you fart? The young, wary GI replied,

I don't know. I don't have anything to do with him. He's just been following us. She was like so emotional. I've never seen that man in before in my life. Luckily, when Chicky told his story and how he was there to give Duggan a beer, the Sergeant Major found it hilarious

and wanted to play along. Yeah. You CIA boys. Okay, give a beer. All right. Despite now being in a particularly dangerous part of the war zone, so they're right up north, getting a lot closer to the border of north and south of Vietnam, the sergeant major called Duggan back to the base.

He was out on patrol, and he radioed. He said, hey, come back. There's someone who needs to see you. I need you back here. And then he got Chickie to hide in a foxhole put a tarp over him when duggan got back he was like you needed to see me and sergeant major said i don't need to see you and he pulled the canvas off he said but he does oh my god another prank so many places you could hide and then apparently everyone cracked up.

And Duggan was like, what the hell, chicky? What are you doing here? Yeah, I don't understand it. Duggan was like, what am I meant to do with him? And Sergeant Major replied, take him with you. He's your problem now. All I know is he can't be here. Rick looked at chicky and handed him a poncho and said,

put this on. That outfit is like wearing a sign that says, shoot me, I'm from New York. That night, Chicky slept in a foxhole on the very outer perimeter of their base. Through the night, Duggan and the others took turns keeping watch. So this is like real serious business. They were out there checking the perimeter in in shifts chicky didn't he was

he was like i'm a civilian i can't mate i can't one of the others handed him a gun and like just in case and chicky's like i don't i don't want that you know i'm more likely to accidentally shoot someone than don't he good with it yeah and. But he was like, I can't sleep. He's like, when they hand him the gun, like the gravity of it all sunk in. He's like, holy shit. It took him that long to realize that he'd actively gone to a war zone to deliver beers. Some of these other soldiers are like, hang on a second. You don't have to be here and you are?

What are you doing? So, yeah, anyway he he couldn't sleep whereas his mate rick dug and he's like how do you sleep here knowing what's going on and duggan's like you get four hours at a time to sleep so you sleep and he like fell asleep straight away it just he just uh knew he had to i guess guess. And I guess it gets normalised in time. And he was probably just a badass as well. In the night, members of the North Vietnamese army were spotted on the perimeter and Duggan and the other soldiers snapped into action.

Chiggy was handed the only spare weapon they had, a grenade launcher. Seconds ago, he's like, if you give me this gun, I probably, I don't know what to do. I might hurt somebody, I couldn't. He's a grenade launcher. And he was in the Marines for four years. That's not true, yeah.

He knew how to use a gun, but yeah, he was just, I think he was a lover, you know, he didn't want to. I'm a beer delivery boy, okay? The only weapon we've got, here's the keys to that tank. Do you know how to drive a stick? Yeah, it's a little sticky in third gear. Oh, my God, a grenade launcher. Sorry.

That's very funny. That's so good. But he didn't use it. He just laid low and let the gunfight happen, which it did. There was machine gunfire coming in both directions, and it raged on. He was like, it went on for ages. But they all made it through to the morning alive,

at least people on his side. I guess he didn't know what happened on the northern side. Then Chickie went out with Duggan and his crew as they did an inspection around the area to make sure no one was there or whatever, then hiked back to the base. That night they shared some of the beers. So Duggan was like, glad you're here, but we can't drink the beers out here.

We've got to do some pretty important work and we can't be a little tipsy. But the next night they were back in the centre of the base and others were on the perimeter. But is that the final night? And he in the centre of the base And others were on the perimeter But is that the final night? And he's only found three of them Which in hindsight Incredibly he found anyone at all Oh my god

And how quickly he found them Insane Yeah The next morning Duggan was being sent off to another location So they said their goodbyes Duggan's like You can't come with me this time

And you probably don't want to anyway because it's only getting more hectic from here. It had now been four days since Chicky left the ship and it was meant to be back in three. So he jumped on the only available helicopter. Duggan hooked it up. He's like, I need to help get this guy out of here. And he's like, where's this one heading? And it was heading east. He's like, I need to go south this guy out of here. And he's like, where's this one heading?

And it was heading east. He's like, I need to go south to get back to my ship. And Duggan was like, well, beggars can't be choosers here. Yeah, get on the helicopter. Just get the hell out of here because this is going to be. It's what he said. Yeah, that's right. It's not a tumor.

That doesn't make any sense. So he jumped on that plane, headed east. It's not a tumour. That doesn't make any sense. So he jumped on that plane, headed east, then he got on another plane and ended up in Phuket. Now getting desperate to get back to his ship, he decided to walk the final 17 miles. It was night time. Oh, my God.

The base he arrived at, they're like, you can't make it there tonight. You can grab a bunk and sleep. He went to the bunk. He's like, I could not sleep. I was too nervous about getting back to the ship. So he got up and in darkness, he headed off down a dirt road. What the fucking hell?

He only made it about a mile down there. And a woman saw him and did a blood curdling scream. Jesus and he's like oh this doesn't feel right it doesn't feel right a woman sees you and screams yeah okay that's an interesting uh instinct he's had and uh so he decided to turn back he said he he's never forgotten that scream and and the feeling that he was the reason for the scream like he feels awful about it um the next day he was glad he turned back he went back slept in the bunk he's like all right i'll have to try in the morning he hitched a ride in a jeep down that same dirt road and he was glad he didn't carry on on foot the night before because he realized and he was told that at night time the Viet Cong owned that strip. Like they're all over it at the night time.

No Americans go down that. It's sort of a no-go zone at night time. And as he went down, he's like, oh, I'm just looking at all these spots where I could have easily been captured. Oh, my God. He's like, if I got caught, at best I don't get killed and I'm a prisoner of war for years after that.

Yeah. So he's like just thanking his lucky stars. Oof. So he headed back to the Queen Non port in the relative safety of the jeep, but when he arrived he found that the Drake Victory had left without him. No, they didn't wait even a day. It was ahead of schedule and apparently it's the biggest no-no to do is to go missing from your ship

and not come back on time. Right. They're like, they wait for no man sort of thing. Luckily he didn't leave all of his clothes and everything on there because he didn't have anything anyway. He's still got his socks. He's got his socks and a razor.

They did a head count. They counted 17 semen and like that's basically 18 yeah uh he found out that his ship was on its way back to america via manila in the philippines so he went about figuring out a way to catch up with it unfortunately though he was about to get bogged down in bureaucracy he was told he needed a visa to be able to leave the country and that to get a visa he needed a passport which he didn't have he's like how quickly can i get this i'm trying to catch up with my ship they're like it takes as long as it takes could be two three four days

we don't know and he's like all right so by this point he had to get to saigon or ho chi minh city the capital to get all this done that That's where the American embassy was. He tried to catch a ride down on a plane but was refused as he didn't have the right papers, as he never did. This hadn't been an issue much before, but that was mainly because of the whole CIA effect. But what if I told you I work for the CIA? That's not what a CIA person would say. They'd say they were delivering a beer to a friend.

I know the code. He reckons that the mistake he made was he said, oh, I've got to get to the embassy. And they're like, the embassy? That's a weird thing for a CIA person to say. And he reckons that's what made them think he was actually just a weird civilian. Luckily, he found a pilot that took pity on him. The pilot was like, look, don't tell anyone,

but once I board the plane, there's a bunch of other people getting on. If I give you a signal, a hand signal, come on, don't say anything, sit down and shut up. Okay. What was the signal like? Fuck off. Don't. Get on.

Don't get on the plane. Flipping the bird. Don't. Don't. And he's like, the signal. Great. Don't get on the plane. Don't get on. Flipping the bird.

Don't. Don't. And he's like, the signal. Great. As he boarded the plane, the pilot whispered to him, just do me one favour. When you get to Saigon, have a bath. He said that?

Yeah. And he said, okay, thank you so much. He must have smelled so bad. Yeah. Like it's a very sweaty sort of jungle climate that he's been walking through. Oh, my God. And he does not have any clothes. No.

Two pairs of socks, though. Yeah. So, at least he's got a sock rotation. So, he's not getting trench foot. Do you think you're putting, like, one pair of socks on your feet and a sock on your dick? Sock on your cock. Damn it! Why did I say dick?

Red Actually Pepper style. Yeah. Sock cock. Cock sock. Red October style Yeah Suck cock Cock suck Once in Saigon

Slash Ho Chi Minh Ho Chi Minh City He went to the American embassy And started the slow process Of getting a passport Which would then allow him To get a visa Which would then allow him

To make it back Fly to Manila And catch his ship home Catch up with his ship As he was in the maritime union He received $40 a day While he was in the maritime union uh he received 40 a day while he was stranded there so he could at least afford basic food and rent in the time there so he was like so glad i was in the union yeah if he was there not being part of the union he would have

had to find work or or you know battled way to survive however so yeah in this case he could actually have a bath. Yes. Thank God. Yeah, I think he said he did that. He kept his promise and he had a bath. That's good. He settled into life in the South Vietnam capital,

socialising, enjoying the bars. He talked a bit about this bar that was run by Australians. He had a great time there. And, yeah, he sort of spent his time all around the city. Eventually found a less touristy part of the city where he could get cheaper rent. And, you know, he's like, it was beautiful. It was an amazing, colourful city. Then he started the process of getting his visa.

He had to first wait for the passport. Took a week, but it arrived. Then he went, got the visa. He had to first wait for the passport. Took a week, but it arrived. Then he went, got the visa. The guy at the embassy who was helping him was like, it costs 900 bucks to get a visa. Four. And it kind of sounded like it was basically like an official bribe to the South Vietnam government.

And he's like, I don't have 900 bucks. And the guy at the embassy went and got the cash. Apparently the US embassy would give the cash. He didn't give him the cash, but someone from the embassy went with him to pay for the visa. Whoa. Which was lucky, obviously. I guess they were like, we'd prefer you to get out of here as well.

Frankly, we're embarrassed you made it in. Yeah, it does not look good for us. Please don't write a book about this. He wanted to find the other guys on his list, but unfortunately he needed to check in with the consulate each day to find out when his visa got there to have any chance of getting to Manila and catching up with his ship.

So he had to stay local. Finally, after checking in at the consulate each day, his visa arrived. The clerk then said, that's the good news. Unfortunately, the bad news is your ship has already left Manila. And he was like, yeah, I probably could have guessed that. This took fucking ages. This red tape.

Thanks a lot. Luckily, though, the clerk said another ship was going to be leaving Manila in a few days and he'd organised with the captain to take Chicky on and they had a flight booked to Manila for him the next morning. So he was... Brilliant. Again, a bit of luck. He's had a couple of bits of bad luck, but mainly he's had a very lucky run.

Yeah, he's had a bit of a dream run. And people have been quite helpful. Yeah, that's right. Sounds like he's a bit of a friendly and fun guy. People like him straight away. Apparently in his neighborhood in New York, he's just known by everyone and everyone seems to really like him. He's just that kind of guy, I guess, which, yeah, is probably what helps get you around in these sort of scenarios.

So he was very relieved. He's like, all right. So I just said, I've got to sleep tonight, get up in the morning, I'm on my way home. I didn't see all the guys, but I saw some and, you know, it's amazing what I've done. Great. He decided to go out to celebrate his last night in Vietnam.

By chance, Saigon was ready to party with him as it was their new years according to chicky it was the lunar new year which lasts for days they told me it was called tet and that it's a bigger deal than ours the vietnamese travel back to their home villages and visit family and honor their ancestors the reporters hanging out at the caravel bar that's the aussie one i think had told it so yeah he reporters hanging out at the Caravelle Bar, that's the Aussie one, I think, had told it. So, yeah, he'd hang out with the journalists who were there covering the story and all that sort of stuff. They talk about this as the TV war

because I think the US Army has now stopped that from happening, but there the reporters were sort of roaming free and there was a lot of coverage going back into America. So, talking to the journalists at the bar, they told us that Ho Chi Minh and General Jap had sought a Tet holiday truce and that President Johnson had agreed to it. Lyndon B agreeing to a truce.

Chicky got back to his accommodation at 3am. He'd organised for a wake-up call at 5am. Oh no, Chicky. So we went out partying. It was New Year's Eve You know there was a bit of atmosphere around What do you want him to do Dave? Go to bed early?

Get a good night's sleep? Have a bath? Come on you're being unreasonable I don't know chicky I mean he got back two hours before he was meant to wake up Yeah That's something So yeah he had a wake up call at 5am

And was going to get a lift to the US Embassy for his flight to Manila He tried to get a couple of the U.S. Embassy for his flight to Manila. He tried to get a couple of hours of sleep before having to head off, but the New Year's Eve fireworks were so loud he was unable. They're still going at 3, 4 a.m. Yeah. He tried for an hour and he's like, it's so loud I can't even sleep. Then something shattered through his window.

With that, he jumped up. He's like, if the New Year's Eve parting is this wild, the traffic's going to be a nightmare. So he's like, I'm just going to get up and go now. When he found the hotel manager, he seemed flustered. He yelled something in Korean, which Chicky didn't quite understand. Then the manager started yelling in French, Chicky was confused.

He knew it meant something like a lot of vietcong vietcong were sort of on the other side to the americans but he'd been out only hours before and seen no vc anywhere no vietcong anywhere and anyway they're in the middle of a truce well it turned out the truce was bogus What Chicky didn't know was he was now right in the middle of the Tet Offensive. Oh, my God. According to Britannica, the Tet Offensive consisted of simultaneous attacks by some 85,000 troops under the direction of the North Vietnamese government. The attacks were carried out against five major South Vietnamese cities,

dozens of military installations, and scores of towns and villages throughout South Vietnam. The offensive was a crushing tactical defeat for the North, but it struck a sharp psychological blow that eroded support for the war among the American public and political establishment. So it was sort of, as an offensive in itself, it was a failure. Yeah. A lot of people died on both sides, it was a failure. Yeah. A lot of people died on both sides, more on the North Vietnamese side. But it did end up sort of, it's seen as one of the big things

that ended up starting the Americans on the path to leaving the war or trying to organise peace or whatever. I felt like the Tet Offensive feels like it's a whole episode. Yeah, I've heard of that. Even maybe, yeah, it did make me think. I don't know that much about it. I knew even less about the Vietnam War before now. It might make an interesting episode, perhaps.

It's obviously very complicated, like every war is. But I did knock out world war one in a couple of episodes yeah how hard could it be so there was chaos on the streets but the gravity of the situation hadn't really sunk in with chicky he didn't realize still that what had actually happened he was making his way to the embassy and in his mind all he had to do was get there and he'd be on his way to manila then back home but he soon found out the embassy had been taken by the vietcong there would be no flight to manila for chicky shit so the the embassy was this it was like he talked about it like it was a guarded like a castle he's like it had everything but a moat so you would

have thought it was impenetrable yeah but it was it was pretty lightly guarded and uh yeah that's i think it was like 17 vietcong soldiers were able to take it over whoa uh chicky spent the night on the streets hiding behind trees and other nooks and crannies. His hotel and that area around it had also been taken by the Viet Cong. Shit. So he was sort of now, had nowhere to go, nowhere safe to go. So he's hiding. He found this spot in a, this little nook in a wall and he stayed there for hours as he's hearing gunfire going back and forth.

And were there fireworks that he was hearing before actually gunfire? Yes, that's right. So he's not being able to sleep because he thinks it's fire. He's like, jeez, they're partying hard. Not realising it was actually gunfire. Whoa. He somehow made it through the night and with his plans to escape via Manila now dashed,

Chicky was destined to live in Saigon a little longer. The US military knew something was happening prior to the Tet Offensive, apparently. According to Chicky, the US military leadership had received intelligence that something big was about to happen, but it underestimated how big. Apparently, there was the Tet Offensive,

the communications were a bit off and some cities were attacked the night before. There was confusion about what night it was meant to happen. And even still, apparently, the US Army were underprepared for it, even though they kind of had this tip off. They were like, oh. Anyway, still better party for New Year's Eve. Yeah, apparently they only put one extra soldier on the US Embassy to guard it.

Good. Even though they knew something was about to happen. I mean, this is all from Chickie. Who was there? He goes on, The death toll in the two-month period of Tet from January 29 through March 31, 1968, was 3,895 American servicemen, 14,300 civilians, 4,954 South Vietnamese soldiers, 214 allies, and 58,373 North Vietnamese and Viet Cong forces.

Fucking hell, that's so many people. Yeah. In a two-month period. That's right. And apparently it was quite a departure for the North Vietnamese tactically. It was really they were doing guerrilla warfare. This was them going out in the open, and this was the first time that so many of them died.

And, yeah, so it was really just they were sending them out there for the slaughter, hoping for the tactical win of, like, the propaganda war almost. They were hoping that the the south vietnamese would uprise and join the communist side of the battle which didn't didn't happen but i think that was one of the uh one of the hopes of the north vietnamese uh one silver lining of having to remain in vietnam was that chicky was now able to tick one more name off his list no Bobby Pappas was one of Chicky's best mates from back home and he had found out where he was stationed at the Long Bin army base that was only an hour's drive from Saigon

the Tet Offensive fighting continued but the US forces had secured the main road going northeast and Chicky saw this as his opportunity to visit his old mate. Like they got the embassy back within hours. And so a lot of those, a lot of the Tet Offensive, you know, was undone pretty quickly. Yeah. But the fighting went on. Yeah, wow.

But it was still like there was footage of this going back into America and Americans, apparently the public was starting to go like, holy shit, this this is we were told that we were winning this war but this doesn't look like that's the uh it's going in the right direction like we've been told so according to Chicky back out on the road I hitched a ride northeast to the Longbin base when we arrived I couldn't believe the huge scale of the place about 50,000 soldiers were stationed there as well as some of the top army generals in charge of planning the logistics of the war long bin had restaurants stores an olympic-sized

swimming pool tennis courts basketball courts a golf driving range a bowling alley classrooms theaters tennis courts and nightclubs hectic chicky approached some military police and told them he was bobby pappas's stepbrother they're like really if you're really his stepbrother why don't you tell us some of the wild stories he tells us about new york and he's like oh yeah like this one or that one like holy shit he's never said that one before yeah they're like all right let's we'll we'll yeah we'll take it to him i'll prove you know bobby peppers he talks about a lot of the stories he sort of scatters through the book as well a lot of them are pretty fun um anyway they took him to bobby uh no problems from there and the two had a great reunion with chicky giving his old

mate one of new york's finest before the two headed to a bar for the night and chicky was able to catch bobby up on how his wife and his baby were doing oh it's nice they also reminisce about old times so these are 26 year olds but they're reminiscing like yeah i forgot he's 26 yeah no fucking hell that's wild and a lot of the people that he's catching up with already they've been like 20 years old yeah so this i haven't gone through many of his uh old neighborhood stories but this one i thought was short and a bit of fun um so this is one of the stories apparently they reminisce about they used to live in an apartment together and one story in the book was that they let someone stay in their apartment because

he had worn out his welcome everywhere else he's like i can't know where else to go i'm a real pest they're like all right you can say i'm a real pest. They're like, all right, you can stay with us. I'm a terrible house guest. And it sounds like he really was. So this guy, Jimbo, his name was, I think. Jimbo. He got so hot. He's like, it's too hot.

So he broke every window in the apartment to let cool air in. What? But then it became so freezing. So Bobby and Chickie went to a bar to warm up. And when they came home, firefighters were putting out a fire Jimbo had set because he was too cold. Has Jimbo somehow like Brendan Fraser style traveled from the past? Doesn't know how to open a window. It's Encino, man.

And then he started a fire because he was too cold because he'd smashed all the windows. Incredible. A great story. Hey, Jimmy, just come over here. See this latch? You can just push that window up and if you get too cold, you push it back down. You can control how much air can get in. That's what's crazy. Yeah, he set fire to like

a gas heater. It's too cold. Anyway, so Chicky stayed with Bobby on the base for the next few nights he now didn't he didn't have this deadline anymore um he thought he was going to be flying back to flying to manila you know the day before yeah but that couldn't happen so he stayed for a few nights before heading back to saigon uh when he was back there the next night, he was at a rooftop bar talking with journalists again. Rooftop bar.

Lovely. Yeah. Apparently, they moved all the bars to the rooftops because there were a bunch of bar explosions on ground floors. So, for safety, all the bars in Saigon ended up being moved up to the rooftops. Why are they exploding? Why are they exploding? Like enemy bombs.

Oh, gotcha. They're in a war. They're in a war, Dave. But does the rooftop not explode? I think that, I guess it's just, I don't know if they were like, you know. If you're on top of a building and the bottom of the building explodes, are you not also in danger? But it's a lot harder, I guess it's a lot harder to get a bomb.

It's a lot easier to go through a front door and chuck a bomb in i was thinking that there was like terrible bar people like accidentally you know like making moonshine explosions in the basement they need it yeah need a no roof on top because of all the awful putrid gases that were being created open air that was cheeky cheeky it was because cheeky has fucking dropped his guts again we're to need to get this guy to one of our outdoor areas. Drop your guts is such a funny euphemism for a fart. Dropping your guts. In my head, I was like thinking van bombs and stuff, you know,

on the front doorsteps. But, yeah, I don't know why I jumped to that conclusion. But, anyway, apparently that was why the rooftop bars were more popular. But anyway, so he's up on the rooftop bar when all of a sudden there was a massive explosion to the northeast and the night sky lit up orange. He said it looked like a mushroom cloud. Then there was a series of further explosions getting louder and louder.

And he knew straight away this was at Long Bin where he'd just spent the last few days with his mate Bobby Pappas. Chicky was obviously worried sick about his friend, and he got the first available ride back up there to check on him. When he got there, he was relieved to find that Bobby was safe and sound, and they spent the night in the bar once again. This would prove to be the last leg of Chicky's epic beer run. As soon after, he found himself a gig as an oiler

on a ship called the SS Limon. There was a lot more to the story of Chicky Donoghue's time in Vietnam, and I would again recommend reading his book if you're interested. I believe the story is also being made into a feature film. Oh, cool. I think Russell Crowe might be in it. Playing Chicky, the 26-year-old. Chicky is being played by a heartthrob, though, I believe.

A Hemsworth? No. Okay. Chalamet. Yeah, maybe a bit younger. A bit older than Chalamet, I reckon. A Taron Egerton. Not Taron Edgerton

I can't Yeah I can't remember One Like I'd know his name If I I can't think of a single thing He's been in He's got a name

Got an E in it Ian McKellen His name has an E in it Edgar Alan Poe His name His name has an E in it His name might have a vowel Starts with an E.

Zac Efron. That's cheeky. Zac doesn't start with an E. That's disappointed me. I won't watch it. You're not a Zac head? Not really, I don't think. I wonder who Rusty's going to play.

Maybe he'll play one of the old Aussies at the bar. Yeah, get on, mate. Welcome to me bar. Good old Aussies at the bar. Yeah, get on, mate. Welcome to me bar. Good to see you at the bar. We call it a pub in Australia where I'm from. That was my audition. That's good. You got the job.

I'm going to be a bar wench. I think that would be fantastic. Polishing glasses, saying something sassy, and everyone's like, nah, she's all right. I think that would be fantastic. Polishing glasses, saying something sassy, and everyone's like, nah, she's all right. There was a whole bit that I skipped over where he started,

he met a mate who was another seaman, merchant seaman, who was docked at the port, and they had this, the boat was loaded up with frozen perishable goods, and Chicky started smuggling them out and delivering them to people who were starting to struggle the ted offensive meant that getting food was harder so it was feeding people then he like he the animals at the zoo needed food so he it was yeah so like there's heaps more to this story but do we believe this guy and then i started feeding starving animals and I was saving all these kids. And then the lion said, thank you, chicky. I was so hungry before.

I dressed up as Santa and started handing out presents to all the kids. And then their mums were like, you're the best guy I've ever met. And the hottest. And then I heard something behind me and I turned around and it was a grenade and I caught it and I threw it back. I piffed it back and so on and said, wow, you're great. Would you like a contract with a major league baseball team? I piffed it back. I piffed it back, and someone said, Wow, you're great. Would you like a contract with a Major League Baseball team? I piffed it back.

I piffed it. Well, I mean, I feel like if he was making it all up, when he was handed the grenade launcher, he would have shot it and taken someone out. Not said. I was too scared to use it, and I laid low. That night, I killed 40,000 enemy soldiers. I ended the war.

My farts are really gross. All right, mate. Check this braggadocious guy. This fucking guy. So in the end he had beers with four? He had beers with four, yeah. So I'll start the wrap up here. So he jumped on and worked on the SS Limon,

which arrived back in Seattleattle he said he was he reckons he was the first one to disembark then he literally kissed the ground when he got back on the soil land back to the book according to chicky i headed straight downtown for the first department store i could find which turned out to be a jc penny there i bought underwear socks a pair of pants and a shirt i also picked up a pair of pants and a shirt i also picked up a pair of shoes even a jacket i asked him to clip off the tags i walked into the fitting room put on the new clothes and threw out my old ones the jeans the madras shirt that i'd basically been wearing for four months into the garbage can cheeky it's a shame he didn't he didn't have

the foresight to frame them put them up at the uh Fiddler's Bar. Yeah, that'd be great. Oh, yeah. And then he bought a ticket on a plane back to New York City. Arriving home, according to Chickie, I hailed a taxi and told the driver to head straight to Inwood, Manhattan, more specifically to Doc Fiddler's Bar. I was lucky to be coming home when others hadn't. I hoped my buddies would come home soon, too. As the taxi wended its way into Inwood,

I was thinking about whether what I'd done was as totally reckless and crazy as some had said to me. Then the cab pulled up in front of Doc Fiddler's, where it all began. I walked in and the bar was nearly full. Somebody spotted me and yelled out, Colonel, it's Chickie! The Colonel yelled out,

Holy shit, Chick, you're alive! Yeah, I'm alive. And so are Tommy and Rick and Kevin and Bobby. There was pandemonium. I didn't care anymore whether it had been reckless or not. The Colonel, who never drank on duty, poured himself and everyone else a beer and raised it. To Chickie, he said,

Who brought our boys beer, respect, pride and love. God damn it. Sick. Sadly, Chickie never found two of the men on his list richie reynolds was killed the day after chick arrived in quinone harbor oh wow uh he also didn't find joey mcfadden but this was for a less tragic reason uh although not a great one before he could find him joey had been sent home after twice contracting malaria oh chicky returned apparently joey mcfadden he got home and he he hung out with his brother that night and told him all about his experiences of war and then never mentioned the war again for the rest of his life holy shit

chicky returned home a changed man he didn't see vietnam the same way he thought of those who had died and the families that that had destroyed, all because of egos and miscalculations at the top. He found himself broadly agreeing with the Vietnam War protests. He went over basically going, I'm going over in sort of his own protest against the protest. And he came back and he's like, I'm with you. I think they're right, yeah.

And he also said what they didn't realise before was that some of their brothers and sisters and friends were at those protests already. And in the end, like, return servicemen were joining the protests. And in the end, he just wanted his friends to return home safely. And gladly, I can tell you that Tommy, Kevin, Rick and Bobby all did. And they still catch up for a beer to this day. No, they don't.

There's photos of them from a couple of years ago all catching up having a beer together. That's great. So that's the story of what is normally dubbed the greatest beer run ever. That is great. What a tale. I'm so amazed that he got out of there safely,

that all but one of the boys did as well. Like that's statistically pretty impressive. And, you know, an uplifting story. So often our stories are a bit bleak. That was a great story. Yeah, it's set on the backdrop of a lot of bleakness, but it's sort of like a little positive story amongst a pretty grim backdrop. Is there a little part of you as well that was listening to that story, Dave,

and being like, and this was all before Google Maps. Oh, my God. All before smartphones. And I don't mean to sound like a fucking millennial. I can read a map. I'm just saying, like, how much easier it is now to be like okay i'm not fully sure where i am gps okay that's where i am how do i get out of here oh that's how i get out of here you know but he was extremely fortunate chick what the hell are you doing yeah yeah

straight off the boat and then found one straight hitching a ride and the driver like i i abbreviated that story the way he told it was He jumped in And the driver didn't even look back And they were driving for a while And he was telling his story And then the driver was like Turned around and went

Wait what the hell Are you kidding Slams on the road Yeah That's wild Great story Matty Yeah that was a ripper Bit of fun

So yeah I think Yeah like I say Great audio book I've really enjoyed it. Listening to it the last week or so of an evening. Yeah. Thanks to everyone that suggested that because that is.

Yeah, I'd never heard of it. No. So, yeah, one of those great stories. And what an obvious story to turn into a film. Oh, yeah, yeah. You hear it, you're like, oh, this is. I was thinking this has already got to be one, surely. That's great.

So it'll be interesting to see how much of that, what they do with that, do with the story. Cool. Yeah, but it is also one of those ones that you worry that in the film it'll be so, like, everyone will be like, as if. But it's like, no, sometimes stories are unbelievable. Yeah, can you tone down this script a bit? It's a bit far-fetched, mate.

So that brings us to the part of the show where we like to thank some of our great Patreon supporters. You can support us at patreon.com slash dugongpod or dugongpod.com. And yeah, there's a bunch of different rewards you get for supporting us. Dave, you got a few examples there? Hey, we have a fantastic Facebook group

that you can be a part of. It's honestly one of the nicest and possibly only 100% nice corner of the internet. Like-minded Doogal One people get together and post some funny stuff, which I really enjoy being a part of that group, as well as our three bonus episodes every single month. So nearly every week you get to listen to this show we put out,

but also a bonus episode, as well as 150 other bonus episodes that are already there. As soon as you sign up on that level, you get access to all of them. That's right. Yeah, so much good stuff. And there's even more than that. It's all listed if you go to one of those websites. Many things.

One of the things you can do if you sign up in the Sydney Schoenberg level or above, you get to be involved in the fact, quote, or question section of the show, which is where you get to give us a fact, a quote, or a question, even a brag or a suggestion. It can be anything you want it to be. And I read them out for the first time as I read them out on the show. And I do four each week. And this week, we're going to start with Kelly Clark,

and you also get to give yourself a title, I should say. And Kelly's title is Deputy Official Secretary to the Official Secretary of Do Go On. Okay. And Kelly has asked a question. The question's always the hardest. I've noticed we've been finding lately that questions without notice are harder, so maybe I should pre-read these, but I'll never think that far ahead.

Just the questions, maybe, yeah. Kelly's question is, what's the weirdest place you've ever slept? Oh, that's pretty appropriate coming off this one. I think Chicky might say a foxhole on the outer edge of the perimeter. And Kelly's go-to answer is the middle of the racetrack at Randwick Racecourse

after a 10 or something kilometre walk and then hanging out with the Pope. Oh, my God. That's a wild sentence. That is a sentence that leads to questions. I didn't even know the Pope was into gambling. But, yeah. I wonder what that was. Was that the Golden Slipper?

I wonder what event that was. Weirdest place I've ever slept. Jeez, I don't know if I've slept in that many weird places. Slept on a trampoline on Millennium Eve. Oh, Millennium. I've slept on a trampoline as well. That's great. But not on Millennium Eve.

Well, is it a story then? No. Yeah. Was yours just like a Tuesday? Yeah. It was a fucking day. No, it was worse. It was a Wednesday. Hump day. Yeah. Was yours just like a Tuesday? Yeah. You fucking nerd. No, it was worse. It was a Wednesday.

Oh. Hump day. Am I right? Who gives a shit? No one cares. What about... Different airports? You know, just on the floor at airports.

Yeah, floor at airports. I did have to sleep outside when I was travelling because I... Yeah, I'm like a... It's not that wild. I slept in a park because I was in Salzburg, I think, in Austria and I got there early, too early the night before when I wasn't checking until the next day. Yeah, right.

But, yeah, that's not that weird. And the Pope wasn't involved. I don't think I can beat your story, Kelly. You can't beat that. One time after a uni play that we put on, it was the final night, you know, have a cast party afterwards in the theatre and then someone found that in the room next to the theatre

was like a room full of mattresses and the mattresses were like used for people that slept on campus but we were like, great, let's just sleep on these mattresses. And so we just put them all out, lied next to each other on this massive bed, like just like filled the room. And then this is the sound of someone pissing and some guy's just pissing in his sleep,

just pulling his pants off, just pissing. And then when he woke up, he tried to blame it on someone else. And you'd filmed the whole thing. You said, look, I've got footage. Yeah. Okay. You can see why you'd have passed the blame.

Bit of embarrassment there. Yeah. But blame it on a cat or something. Yeah, I think it was a cat. This was like cat piss to me. Mate, we saw you pissing. We all saw you, mate. I think this was...

Oh, I've heard this place is haunted by a pissing ghost. Yeah, a pissing ghost. And then they make it look like someone else did it. Yeah. You guys haven't heard that story? Yeah. Okay. Okay. pissing ghost yeah pissing ghost and then they make it look like someone else did it yeah you guys haven't heard that story yeah okay um i remember i yeah i mean i fall asleep on planes and buses and cars all the time do you sleep very well uh uh like sleep uh you know some people sleep very easily in different places you're one of those yeah i think so i remember um one time

towards the end of year 12, falling asleep in a classroom, and it was like we were doing our drama performances that night, like a showcase. So we were at school late rehearsing and stuff, and we'd stopped for a dinner break, and I fell asleep, curled up on a little box like a cat, curled up on a box just against a wall. And I kind of came to, as my teacher said, shh, just leave her.

And I fell asleep. You're like, okay. All right. Let her have a little kip. It's not that weird, though, is it? And again, Pope. Can't beat Pope. But Kelly, you beat us.

You beat us. This time. Yeah, that's a win. God damn it. That's hard. Once the peep drops in, hard to beat that. Hard to beat the peep. Thank you, Kelly.

Next one comes from Katie Clays, aka the Lizard Queen. I am the Lizard Queen. Thank you, doctor. Oh, I'm not a doctor. I can see the music. I can see the music. I can see the time. Katie's got a question as well, which is, what is your favorite way to listen to podcasts?

Katie also answers her question, as we always encourage people to do, saying, I love to pop the wank pods in and do my housework. It makes... What does that mean i love to pop the wank pods in and do my housework it makes the chores much funnier and when my daughter asks what i'm laughing at i can reply the voice is in my head wank pods is that what people call like the well i've just googled wank pod and the first thing that comes up company offers employees pods to masturbate in while at work as an employment benefit i'm guessing that's sort of lingo to mean like maybe that's you know they're wanky because they're airpods yeah maybe uh wank or maybe specifically for wanking while you do the chores uh favorite way to listen to

podcasts i think it's so i'm normally in the car or running yeah not that i've run for a long time but yeah i'm either on a walk or in the car and in the car for a while like i've got a long drive because my drives to work are short so it's just music or the radio but long drives i'll chuck a pod on yeah i'm definitely in the car or on the wank pods whilst cleaning honestly i like the wank pods in while i'm cleaning up the car or on the wank pods whilst cleaning. Honestly, I like- Pop the wank pods in. While I'm cleaning up the kitchen at the end of the night, like chucking it on.

Because I often think, is this worth it? It's only going to take 10 minutes. But then- It takes you four hours. Honestly, so many times I'm like, I'm glad I listened to something because that took 45 minutes. Yeah. I reckon dishes and cleaning up a kitchen Can be very deceptive My god

Yeah you think Oh how long Can I wipe down A couple of benches I'll be right But other times You're like This is going to take me ages

And you're done quickly And you're like Huh So I guess it's all relative Isn't it I have time to relax In my wank pod Ah

To the wank pod Great work Katie Clays I hope you continue To enjoy your Wank pods The next one comes from Danielank pods. Wank pods. The next one comes from Daniel Ryan, a.k.a. Tiny Balls. Tiny Balls.

And Daniel's got a fact. And he writes, this is mainly for Matt. Sorry. Hey, you don't have to be sorry for that, Daniel. That's okay. That's fantastic. That's fine. It's great.

Unless it's like really brutal criticism. Then please continue. Daniel writes, one of your last primates episodes was a Q&A app from Umbrella Academy. And you said you were going to do one more. So I submitted a fact in response to the potential episode. It never ended up happening. So I want to give you my fact here. Oh, it doesn't sound like something I would do.

I always follow through. Don't I? No. I always follow through, don't I? No. What is that? I reckon I feel like I did do that. Did I forget to put it out? Anyway, so I submitted a fact in response to that potential episode. Here is my fact.

That being said, I don't know what you said way back then that prompted this, but here it is. Okay. In all primates, the size of the male's balls directly relates to the promiscuity of the women. If a man of a species has big balls, it means he has to compete with all the other sexual partners his partners may have. If he has tiny balls, it means his partner will most likely be very loyal. So basically, the bigger the balls, the bigger the cuck. Really? And I've said many times, I have very big balls.

So the primates find the smaller balls more attractive? Yeah. Or can they change the size of the balls? They don't need the balls more attractive. Yeah. Or can they change the size of the balls? They don't need the balls to be that big. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Or maybe the balls, because all the semen's not in there anymore. Oh, God.

Sorry, the merchant. Sailors. The mariners. Mariners. So the balls shrink. Right. I'm not, I should say I'm not a scientist. Really?

Daniel says, thank you for everything you do. And if I remember, didn't they say your nickname was Big Balls? Yes, Daniel. I've come clean to that. I'm a cuck with big balls. So that means you've got to compete a lot You're not even big balls in the group chat anymore You're Miranda from Sex and the City

What are you two? I don't know what I am One of the other characters surely Yeah Is that why we said someone's Mr. Big maybe? Dave's Mr. Big Am I Mr. Big this whole time? Because obviously you don't see your own nickname

Who am I? I don't know. Whatever it is, I just see them as your names now. Dave's Mr. Dig and you're Carrie Bradshaw. Carrie Bradshaw. Whenever I've got my wank pods in and I'm walking the dog, the AirPods announce everything. So it'll be like, and she also has an Irish accent

because it felt less jarring so she goes from messenger miranda from sex and the city matt says because we had to put your name afterwards because you got too confused right that's right so we must have changed that back when we did the sex and city which i wasn't even on that That was a long time ago. Yeah. Really kind of something new. Yeah, are we due for something? Can I be chicky? Yes. Oh, chicky, that's good. I'll be the colonel. Yes.

Dave, you can be... Can I be your spare pair of socks? Socks. Just socks. Just socks. Socksy. Socks. That's fun.

And the last Fat Quota question this week comes from Lisa Viana, or Lisa Viana, who is the occupational therapist of the pod. Thank you so much for the work you do, Lisa. Thank you. And as we discovered last time, a very important job. Very important job. Which we already knew,

but it was established last time. This is another question, which is how popular were Mad Libs when you guys were growing up? I don't know what that, I don't know if I know what that means. Me either, I don't think. You guys have said

you are up for anything in this section, including recipes, brags, compliments, etc. So, get ready for a Mad Lib. Okay. Because this may come out around the 4th of July.

Oh. I thought it would be fun to have an American Independence Day themed Mad Lib. Matt, if you would be so kind as to fill in the story with dave and jess's answers oh yeah cool oh yeah okay and then we can all learn a little bit of history together wait hang on so i've got oh oh wow okay so you have to fill it in okay you just tell us whether it's a noun A verb Whatever

And we give you those Ah so you Yeah you've heard of this And then you build the story from there This sounds like improv Is it? Yeah it's like Yeah it's a give me an occupation

I'm gonna need occupation Um Uh Wank pod seller Wank pod salesman Alright so I need an adjective Remind me need an adjective. Remind me what an adjective is. It's a describing word, I think.

Hot. Hot. Need a plural noun. Jess, obviously you know what that is. Cats. Hot cats. Need a noun and a number. Noun and a number.

Okay. You do the noun. I'll do a number. Okay. Box. One million. Need another adjective. Slimy.

Good one. Need a proper noun. What's a proper noun? It's like a place or a name. Oh, yes, yes, yes. It's something you capitalise. Oh, okay. I'm loving this.

Chicago. The Windy City. That's good stuff. That's good stuff. And a noun number. Noun and number? Wait, it says noun comma number Does that mean I need both?

Because that's what I did last time Yeah It'll all make sense Alright great Okay you do the number this time You do the noun I'll do the number Okay Dave

69 The first number that came to my head Don't ask me why Adjective Shiny Nice Verb Jump

Jump Jumping Whatever yeah Wow Is it jump or jumping? Jumping I think it's jump isn't it? I think both of them are.

Okay, great. I bet one is some version of that. Don't at us. And then a noun number again. Okay, you do the noun. I don't know. Is that noun or... No, it's got to be both, right?

We'll see when we put it all together, I guess. Disc man. 1975. 1975 We need an adjective Oh my god, this is so long Yeah Another adjective Tall

Tall, good one Need a proper noun And a name Proper noun and a name I Proponoun and a name. I reckon, I don't know. Anyway. President. Barry.

And just two verbs to finish. Okay. Sweat. Okay. Sweat. Glisten. Is that a verb? Yeah.

Something glistens. Okay. Well, here it is. This is with thanks to Lisa Vianna. You have, this is for sometime around New York Independence Day or whatever. Fourth of July, is that Independence Day? Mm-hmm. Where Will Smith beat the aliens.

The Declaration of Independence is a hot document because it means the cats of the box, one million colonies decided to be slimy from Chicago. In the year Dave 69, the shiny Congress decided to jump Discman. 1,975 leaders to write the Declaration of Tall. They agreed to have President Barry Jefferson sweat the document and glisten it to Congress after that. The end.

I love it. Did that work? Maybe tall felt like it was wrong, but that's okay. You think glisten at the end there worked better? I think it worked. That was great. They glistened it to Congress. Fantastic work. That's good stuff. That's my first it to Congress. Yeah. Fantastic work.

That's good stuff. That's my first ever Mad Lib. That's my first ever Mad Lib. Aw. I've heard the term Mad Lib, I think, but I didn't know what it meant. Yeah. Fantastic. All right.

Well, that brings us to the next part where we'd like to thank a few of our other great Patreon supporters. Yep, absolutely. And Jess, you know, I'm going to come up with a game based on the topic? Yeah, I was thinking what they could deliver to their friends. Fantastic. At the Vietnam War or anywhere? Anywhere, but preferably at the Vietnam War.

Okay. Well, if I could kick us off, I'd love to thank from Houston, Texas in the United States, Kevin Moyer. Kevin Moyer delivered gingerbread bickies. Oh, homemade? Homemade. Oh, thank you.

Home decorated. And Kevin actually tailored each little packet. Each little packet had like five gingerbread people in them. And Kevin decorated them all individually to that person, which I think is nice. That's amazing. Yeah, it's really sweet. Beautiful work, Kevin.

Really heartwarming and spirit lifting. Yes. Yeah. Fantastic. I'd also love to thank from Port Allen in Louisiana, the United States, Jay Cormack. Jay Cormack delivering oysters. Ooh, aphrodisiac.

Aphrodisiac. Aphrodisiac, yes. By the time he gets them there, they may be very off, but still it would be rude for the people to not shuck them with Jay. Yeah, and then fuck them with Jay. Yeah, and then get really sick with Jay because these things are putrid. But what is more intimate than... Sharing a toilet.

Sharing a toilet when you've both got food poisoning? Just going back to back on a can. There's nothing more beautiful and more intimate than that. That, you know, some people say like sex is intimate. Whatever. What the hell? Sex shmicks, I say. Very impersonal.

Oh, yeah. But for me I knew he was the one When we shat ourselves together Oh my goodness When you filled that bathtub at the same time Phil Thank you so much Jay

For your support Matt just gritting his teeth through that whole thing Stop it you fucks I'd also love to thank from Warrington In New South Wales, Australia, Julie Page. Julie Page. Julie Page. What's Julie wanting to deliver?

Delivered a rocket. Whoa. As in like a message, you know, like at halftime in a game. They delivered a rocket. They really put a rocket up them. Oh, right. So she went over there and she revved them up. Whoa.

Like a halftime speech. Like a pep talk. Halfway during the war. Yeah. You boys, you've got to go out there. Give 110%. We've come this far. There's no turning back now.

If you get through this, we can all shit in a bathtub together. Stuff like that. You're going to get back up and give us everything you've got. Yeah. Don't think, do. And stuff like that. Wow, Julie. That's got. Yeah. Don't think, do, and stuff like that. Wow, Julie, that's amazing. Yeah, powerful stuff.

Yeah. Great work. Incredible stuff there. Do you want me to thank some people? That'd be a lovely gesture. I would love so much to thank from Milton Keynes in Great Britain. I would love to thank Chris and Sadie. Chris and Sadie.

Thank you so much for supporting the show. Great Britain. I would love to thank Chris and Sadie. Chris and Sadie. Thank you so much for supporting the show. Obviously, they are delivering one million rubber dinghies. That's a lot of dinghies. That's heaps, actually. How are they delivering them? Or you mean boats? No, boats.

Dinghies, not dinghers. One million rubber dinghers. If you look, inside each dinghy is a dinger. That's nice. You can fuck in your a dinger. Oh, that's nice. You can fuck in your boat. Sorry. There's no surname there. Do you think it's Chris DeBerg?

Could it be? Could it be Sade? The best brows in the biz? I think it could be Sadie the Cleaning Lady. Oh, that's better. ChrisDeBerg. It's Sadie the Cleaning Lady. Oh, yes.

Sade didn't have the I pardon me wrong spelling same spelling for Chris de Burg so that hasn't been debunked yet because it's Chris this could be Chris de Burg and Sadie the cleaning lady those rubber dinghies

are going to come in really handy yeah what are they going to use them for it's basically the you need to evacuate the war real quick yeah right okay imagine that that's very cool

10 to a boat. Yeah, everybody hop in. Hop in. One lucky couple gets to share the other thing we had in there. Everybody else, avert your eyes for three to five minutes. Lock away. Three to five. Jeez, that's a lifetime.

It's been a while. And I'd also love to thank from Newstead in Queensland. Oh, where the brewery is. Newstead Brewery. Fantastic. I'd love to thank a fellow Jess, Jess Newman. Do you like when you meet another Jess? Oh, I mean, it happens quite often, but yes.

Or do you mean Jess? I was at a wedding recently, and my good friend Mitch met another Mitch for the first time in his life. No, not possible. Had never met another Mitch. No. And I was like, it's not that uncommon a name. Mitch Buchanan from Baywatch.

He hasn't met Mitch Buchanan. That's the thing, though. He's heard of other Mitches. Mitchell Johnson from the Australian cricket team. Yeah, again, he's heard of Mitches. Did they immediately start arm wrestling because there can only be one? They were arguing a bit. Mark Mitchell from Comedy Company.

That's right. And they were talking about. I thought you were talking to a three-year-old and yelling at someone. Very good, Matty. Well done. Like when, yeah, a toddler interrupts a parent's conversation. They go, mm-hmm. Sorry about that.

And. What about the suburb of Mitchells? That's right. That is a place. Good one. Sorry, he's so fucking annoying. They're terrible at this stage. Sorry about that. What about the suburb of Mitch? That's right. That is a place. Good one. Sorry, he's so fucking annoying. They're terrible at this age.

At least it's somewhat relevant to what we're talking about, which is impressive developmentally. Mitch Lewis, the Hawthorne player. And everyone was joking about how there can only be like one person of each name at the wedding, and I didn't want to tell them my name because there were three other Jesses. Sam Mitchell, the hawthorne coach that's right did we say what jess newman was uh jess newman is delivering a 60 mile an hour bouncer bouncer there's a short stuff okay yeah yeah yeah fantastic so she comes over 60 miles which is quite slow for a bouncer it's 100k an hour 160 kilometers an hour nice i was getting my because i try i said i'm i was trying

to say once i wanted to say 100 but i'd already start with the six yeah and i thought i could convert it to miles mid-sentence but you're right that would be a slow bouncer. Shane Warne's bouncer. Slow short ball. Strangers get absolutely dunked. That's out of the stadium. I don't understand. Jess is delivering a very fast ball. A bit of sweet chin music. Yeah, a bit of chin music. Bouncing up that could hit the batsman in the face.

Chin music. Yeah. Love that. You know what I'm talking about? Yes. Well, I mean, great work there, Jess. Great work, Jess. I think.

And finally, to me, I would love to thank from Roland in, okay, Oklahoma. My goodness. Can you believe it? How exciting. Oklahoma where the dum-dum drummers and the brains. I'd love to thank Ashley Addington. That's a good name. Ashley Addington?

Love that. Ashley Addington is... Delivering... Delivering bad news. Oh, no. To bad people. To bad people. Oh, yay.

They were about to kill a kid. But the news distracted them and the kid got away. It distracted them, yeah. It was kids saving bad news. So sorry I had to say that, but. It's a wild tactic by Ashley, but it came off. It was bold. It was brave, but it was a success.

No one actually gets results. Yeah. Great work. Good job, Ashley. I'd like to thank from Essendon in Victoria. I'd like to thank Anna. Anna. Great work, Anna.

Thanks for supporting this show. I think Anna is delivering presents. Oh. Santa is unwell. Oh. Ate some bad oysters or whatever and but yeah

Anna was like I will do it can I put on the funny little suit Santa Claus sort of universe or is this more like the Christmas Chronicles style? Yes Forget you two Scrooges Oh yeah or is this the Chronicles of Riddick?

Yep. It's all of these. Fantastic work, Anna. Delivering presents to the troops and the kids. You're a legend. Pretty impressive stuff. Hey, I'd like to thank... And in Vietnam, those two things are basically the same.

Yeah. The troops and the kids. They were very young. Sorry to get political. Yeah. Hey, I'd like to thank from Sinclair in South Australia. It's Nickybiss. All one word in.

Nickybiss. Nickybiss. Nickybiss is delivering, what about cans of soft drink to replace in the vending machines? Oh, an important job. Is Nickybiss driving a Black Thunder? Yeah. Yeah. I've given out ice cold cans of Coke.

Enjoy that for me. Answer this question. Where's the craziest place you've ever been to sleep? Enjoy that for me. Name the secret sound. It's the sound of Chicky just absolutely packing his dicks. And then an engine being turned off. They're always very specific.

That sounds like a suicide-inducing fart. Is that right? That is correct. That was at Vietnam. Have a bit of Coke. Have a bit of Coke. Not the whole can. Not the whole can.

Just a sip. Have a sip of that Coke. We're also doing the taste test. Can you tell the difference between this and Pepsi? I reckon I absolutely can. I feel like I could. That one's easy. One time at the Eltham Festival growing up,

they had a stall that was near the blind taste test. Yeah. And I reckon I went about 15 times just to get a free bit of Coke and a free bit of Pepsi as a nine-year-old. Oh, yeah, that's pretty clever, actually. I keep lining up going, all right, I'll have another shot of each. All that caffeine. By the end of the day, I've had about three litres of each.

Yeah, you're fucked. Coke's sort of crisper and Pepsi's sort of round, like slightly rounder or something. Yeah, Pepsi's got more of a lemon kind of... Yeah, I can only explain it in shapes. Yeah, I think that's good. I reckon I could tell the difference between regular Coke, Diet Coke and Coke No Sugar.

Wow. Really? Yeah, I reckon I could. Different mouthfeels for sure. Can't handle a regular Coke anymore Do I want a soft drink still have that same slightly odd flavour? Yeah, but after a while you get really used to it And then you want it

You get addicted to that odd flavour Give me that odd, I say Give me a bit odd Get some odd into me Give me a bit of that odd I love it odd I want a bit of strange Hey, well

That's what I say anyway That's what I say I go to the bar and say Get a bit of strange in my mouth I need a bit of strange. Hey, well. That's what I say anyway. That's what I say. I go to the bar and say, I need a bit of strange. Pour the strange right on my mare. The good news for both of you is that Nickybis is restocking that machine with whatever you want. Perfect. It could be Nick Ibis.

It's probably Nickybis. Oh, it could be Nick Ibis. You're right. Could I get Portello? Absolutely. Or Lyft? Oh, yum. Or Deep Spring Passion Fruit and Orange?

What about Pachiona Kirk's Pesito I like that Either of those Hey Nick Ibis Nickybis You're doing Absolutely God's work there And finally I would like to thank

From Brunswick Here in Victoria as well It's Zoe Milne Or Zoe Milne Zoe Milne Zoe Milne What's Zoe delivering Bob Alright this is a three-worder.

Yep. What do you want, noun? Adjective, noun, and I'll see what happens after that. All right, here we go. Massive. Monkey. Heads. Whoa.

Okay. Massive monkey heads. That's just good stuff. Like paper mache ones for dress ups. Oh, and for parties. So they do a pageant. They can do like an army pageant. Oh, that's good.

Yeah. That's good. Where every character's a big monkey. That's fun. That's fun. Time for the annual monkey competition. Yay. Who's the best monkey?

Zoe Milne. Wow. She's designed all of them. They all look the same. Zoe Who's the best monkey? Zoe Milne. She's designed all of them. They all look the same. Zoe's kept the best one for herself. Well, fair enough. Make all the others a little bit shit. Yeah, maybe it's like an army monkey swimsuit competition. So everyone's wearing a swimsuit,

but they don't want to favour anyone. They don't want any bias, so everyone has to cover their face Oh, that's good, yeah Thank you so much Zoe, Nicobus Anna, Ashley, Jess, Chris, Sadie, Julie, Jay and Kevin Last thing we need to do is Welcome a few people into our Triptych Club

There's three inductees this week The way this works is If you're signed up on the shoutout level or above For three straight years you get welcomed in you get a lifetime pass to the triptych club now i'm standing at the door this is theater of the mind stuff i've got my clipboard out i got the names on the list i'm going to read them out lift up that velvet rope welcome you in dave's up on the stage as is everyone who's already a member in the club they're cheering you along they're chanting they're excited dave's up

there hyping them up as we speak and he's gonna welcome you in with a bit of weak word play based on your name or your place of residence and then jess will uh give dave a bit of a boost because he'll probably be low on confidence after sort of failing with his job and dave i zoned out i zoned out for a second i I assumed that was negative. Yeah, it always is. I did not hear what he said. Honestly, he doesn't have a nice word to say about anything or anyone. He's a real piece of shit.

You're a negative Nancy. Dave normally books a band as well for the after party. He's good at listening, Dave. Dave, you're absolutely not going to believe this. I booked these guys weeks ago, and we have actually got Vietnam, the band, capital N on Nam. Rock band from Brooklyn. Been rocking since 2004.

A lot of different members coming and going, but obviously they are still rocking and rolling. Are they going to be playing their hits from The Concrete's Always Greyer on the Other Side of the Street? That's my favourite of their albums. I love that album. 2004? Yeah, of course.

Jeez, you do love music. I love music. Triple J. Jess, you do love music. I love music. Triple J. Jess, you normally come up with a cocktail. I just looked at the discography of this band. Are you really hoping that they play Apocalypse, spelt capital A, then pock, then capital L-A, like L-A, Los Angeles apocalypse.

That's clever. That's the kind of thing you'd like because it's pretty weak sort of wordplay stuff. Honestly, the weaker the better. You love that shit. Bob, you normally come up with a bit of a cocktail. You're behind the bar. What are you mixing up this week? Well, this one's in tribute of the topic and being all about sort of, you know,

bringing beers to the friends. Well, I made a beer cocktail. It's just a shandy really isn't it but i can add cordial to it to give it different colors if you want food dye or something yeah i think i can put it in a glass red white and blue yes god bless america probably how will i do white not in a healthy like i don't you can't drink that one yeah okay i'll put a little bit of milk in there i'll just put some yogurt in it yeah perfect just chuck some yogurt in it. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Yeah, perfect. Yeah, just chuck some yogurt in it. Perfect. Okay, great. And then I'll just- You could. What about semen?

What about them? Yeah, they can order the drinks, I guess. Great. Yeah, I just want to double check that- Everybody's in- I don't exclude based on occupation. And I'll put a little American flag on toothpicks in it as well. Instead of umbrellas, I'll put little American flags.

That's beautiful. That'd be nice. Awesome. All right, Dave, you ready to welcome in this week's inductees into the club? Are you feeling supported and loved, Dave? No, I'm not feeling supported and or loved. Can I get some pre-hype going here? Of course you can.

From both of you? Dave, you do a great job. I think you... Actually, do you know what, Dave? Do you know what I can do that can actually help you? Is I can shut him down. Matt. Matt. I don't want to break kayfabe here. Look at me.

Dave, I'm just, I'm doing a bit. I think you do fine work. It's not as bad as I make it. It's pretty bad. But it's not that bad. He's just unstoppable. Somebody's a bit of a grump today. I think he's got his period Read some names you miserable fuck

Alright here we go First up from your mum's butt in Brighton In Great Britain It's Mr. Heggie Mr. Heggie Doing an eggy with Heggie Yeah Eggy with Heggie

Welcome Mr. Heggie All the way from your mum's butt We love you So good to have you Mr. Heggie She's done so much your mum's butt. We love you. So good to have you, Mr. Heggie. He's done so much great artwork for us. Was it last year's Christmas card or the year before? Yes, it was last year before. Year before, yeah.

Love Mr. Heggie's work. Big, big fan. I'm looking at one of his stickers on the back of Dave's computer right now. There's one on Jess's computer as well. Yeah, I've got one too. Oh, shit. Mine says, life sucks. I'd also love to thank from Tainmouth.

I think it's Tynmouth. Tynmouth in Devon. Tynmouth in Devon. Tynmouth in Devon. We've lost him. This could take a while. Tynmouth. How do you do it in Devon accent?

Devon. Not sure. Oh, he snores. You, I'm a combine orister. Applesome. All right. From Tynmouth in Devon, Great Britain, he's knows you. I'm a combine orister. Applesome. All right. From Tinmouth in Devon, Great Britain, it's Alex Mallon. More like from Wynmouth.

Yes. Because we're Wynmouth. Wynmouth. And I bet Alex does Sconserat Way. Cream first in Devon. It's the Devonshire Way. And finally, from New Farm in a great spot in Brisbane in Queensland, Australia, it's Murray Somerville.

Holy shit. Another one of our Christmas Cups. How weird is that? Those are amazing, two of the artists that we love so, so much. And I thought tonight, honestly, I looked out, I thought this could be the first bad night we've had in ages. This could be a bum-a-ville. But then I saw Murray Somerville and everything got better. Thank you so much, Murray.

You do have fantastic artwork. You can also purchase stickers and a jumper of our merch that Murray has designed. That's sick. It's pretty freaking cool. I love that. Thank you so much, Murray, Alex, and Mr. Heggie. That brings us to the end of the freaking show. Anything we need to tell people, Jess, Bob Perkins?

You've just let them know about Snickers. Yeah, we've definitely got some merch available. If you want to go check that out, you can find the link on our website, dogoonpod.com. It's also on our socials as well. And our socials are dogoonpod. And you can suggest a topic also on our website or in a link in the show notes.

Hell yeah. Couldn't have said it better myself. Thank you. Dave, boot this baby home. Hey, we'll be back next week with another episode. But until then, I will say thank you so much for listening. And until then, goodbye. Later.

Bye. Bye. We can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future.