Do Go On - 352 - The Chowchilla School Bus Kidnapping

Episode Date: July 20, 2022

School bus driver Frank Edward "Ed" Ray has been buried alive. Worse, he's been buried alive with 26 children. Can Ed keep these kids alive? Can the police foil one of the largest mass kidnapping plots in US history before it's too late? Featuring special guest Cass Paige.Get tickets to see us in Sydney in September, and see Dave do Book Cheat live in London August 10:https://dogoonpod.com/live-shows/ Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: dogoonpod.com or patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/ Check out our new merch! : https://do-go-on-podcast.creator-spring.com/  Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/22570738/chowchilla-school-bus-kidnappinghttps://www.mentalfloss.com/article/589819/california-school-bus-kidnappings-1976https://www.cbsnews.com/pictures/chowchilla-bus-kidnapping-frederick-woods-rare-photos-from-one-of-the-largest-kidnappings-in-u-s-history/33/https://edition.cnn.com/2022/04/02/us/chowchilla-bus-kidnapping-victim-trauma/index.htmlhttps://www.cityofchowchilla.org/216/Interesting-Facts-About-Chowchilla Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Just jumping in really quickly at the start of today's episode to tell you about some upcoming opportunities to see us live in the flesh. And you can see us live at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2024. We are doing three live podcasts on Sundays at 3.30 at Basement Comedy Club, April 7, 14 and 21. You can get tickets at dogo1pod.com. Matt, you're also doing some shows around the country. That's right. I'm doing shows with Saren Jayamana, who's been on the show before. We're going to be in Perth in January, Adelaide in February, Melbourne through the festival in April, and then Brisbane after that. I'm also doing Who Knew It's in Perth and Adelaide. Details for all that stuff at mattstuartcomedy.com.

We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On.

My name is David Warnke and as always I'm here with Jess Perkins. Hello Jess. Hello David. Jess, you know, we're joined by someone special this week and that someone special is Cass Page from Sam's Pants Radio. Hello, Cass. Oh, my God, do you think I'm special? No, we know you're special. Oh, Jess.

Did a little zig and zag there. Yeah, well, it's a secure stitch. It's a secure stitch up, I feel secure. Cass, I think that there's a chance that you're coming for the title of Do Go On's fourth Beatle, which historically has been taken by one Nick Mason. But you've been on a lot of episodes lately. We love having you on.

You're a fan or listener favourite. Aw, thanks, guys. I'm not sure of the numbers, but you could be neck and neck with most episodes ever as a guest. I'll tell you what, I'll start a beef. I'm coming for his spot. I'm going to start driving trains. That's how serious I am.

Yes. Okay, take it up one notch. Yeah, I'm going to come for his entire life. Love that. I reckon surely Cass has been on more episodes now yeah i'm sure someone's doing the maths out there as we speak let us know we don't know i can think of like five or six yeah you've been on a fair few and also i've loved every moment i'll tell you that much i think in our heads it's even it's a smaller number because we might record two in a day with you and and so we just think it's like one day but that's a smaller number because we might record two in a day with you and so we just think it's like one day, but that's a couple of episodes.

That has happened before. But anyway, yes, a delight to have you here. Maddie's away, but, you know, but the pod will still play. Damn right. So our cast usually when it's my report, as it is this week, Jess and Matt play the Sass Twins. They give me a bit of sass. If you could step up to the plate this week and sort of sass me. Are you in need of some sass, Dave?

Yes, please. I need a good sassin'. You're about to get some Cass sass, I tell you that much. Dave, you're fucked. I don't know if I can handle Cass sass. Can I handle Cass sass? That's the sassiest sass there is, Cass sass. Straight from the sores. Well, Jess, remind Cass and everyone what this show is. It would be my pleasure. So what this show is, is it's a bit of fun. One of the three of us go away, research a topic often suggested by a listener. And we come back, we bring that information that we've learned and we educate our best friends. And look, it's fun along the way. We live, we laugh, we learn. And we always get onto

the topic with a question. Dave, what is your question? I have a question where you can both definitely get a point for this because it's specific to everyone. A bit of an open-ended question. The question is, how did you used to get to school? How do you used to get to school? How did you used to get to school? How did you used to get to school? How do you used to get to school? Answer it. I personally sometimes, mostly

car, sometimes bus. In my older years, sometimes mostly bus. Fantastic. Jess, were you a bus taker? Do you just move into school nearly every day, Cass? Yes. Every single day. Actually, do you know what?er? Do you just move into school nearly every day, Cass? Yes, every single day. Actually, do you know what? It was probably more likely a bus home. I can't think of a time I would have bused to school.

That's all right. That's not bad. Oh, I was kicking it sweet. Yeah, you got really good living. Kicking it sweet in the back seat, paying zero attention. Found out in year 12 that I couldn't actually direct anyone from my house to the school. But, yeah, having a great time brain empty that is very funny and such a late time to

learn that you had no idea how to get to school that's very funny i couldn't direct anyone my little brother was like what are you saying to us now i'm like i don't know where to go why would i know they're like what do you mean why would you know you do this every time i'm like, I don't know where to go. Why would I know? And they're like, what do you mean? Why would you know? You do this every time. I'm like, I'm not doing anything. I close my eyes for 25 minutes and when I open them, I'm at school. What's the problem? I look up at the trees and all trees look the same and different. I can look at the same tree twice. You know, that's wind.

I'm not responsible for that. That's wind, baby. That's wind. How did you get to school? Yeah, Jess. How do I used to get to school uh primary school i was driven or but in grade six i was allowed to ride my bike or walk but i didn't do that all that often fantastic fancy and uh in high school for the first year of high school i caught

a bus it was like a private bus so it was just for my school because i lived quite far from school then at the end of year seven we moved a five-minute walk from my school so I walked. And I was late every day. I need to do a bit of a rewind here. A private bus. What are we talking, like a jacuzzi in there? Yeah, it was like a tour bus for the Rolling Stones.

No, it was just that my school would hire a few buses and they did specific routes and if you lived on those routes, you could get on the bus. And it was easier, especially because I was a kid who lived in the outer suburbs where trams did not exist. Train was really, I didn't even know where the closest train station was. So my only option would have been public buses and it would have

taken hours to get to school. So the private bus was to get to school. So the private bus was just straight to school. But then after that I was like, don't need you. I'll walk. Nice. I reckon if I had lived closer to school, I knew a girl who lived two minutes from school.

I think she practically lived across the street. Latest. Every time. Latest person. I reckon that's how it is because she'd be like, well, I'm five i don't need to rush who cares you never need to account for traffic you just account you for your own footsteps and then that's hard i feel like i'd always be in my head i'm like five minutes away and i'm like well if i'm running that i could run exactly and i never would no god no and also i had a friend um her name was elise and we got mistaken for each other constantly people

thought we were the same person. People thought we were twins. Could not tell us apart. We looked quite different. But they could not tell us apart. So in year 11 and year 12, we were in the same homeroom and she used to just change seats or not even change seats and just say here for both of us and I would rock up eventually.

Oh, that's fun. It was the best. That's good. Yeah, someone on the inside looking out for you. She'd be like here and they'd just sort of glance up and look at her and be like. Oh, that's fun. It was the best. That's good. Yeah, it's someone on the inside looking out for you. She'd be like, here, and they'd just sort of glance up and look at her and be like, yeah, that's Jess. This is awkward because I feel like I've been podcasting with Elise for seven years.

I didn't realise that this was Jess. Unfortunately, you've got Jess. Elise is busy. Oh, my God. This is really sad. Elise is very busy. To answer my own question, I took the bus, and the worst thing that ever happened was it broke down

on the first day of Year 7, which I thought was a really ominous sign for the rest of us. Oh, no. That's stressful. That happens Year 10, 11, 12. You're like, whatever. Year 7, you're like, I'm going to get detention for a year. Oh, no.

You're like, I've seen every high school movie. This is going to mean something. So that's the worst thing that ever happened on the bus, but that is nothing compared to the story that I'm going to tell you about today. This topic, which I will reveal the title in just a minute, but it's been suggested by a few people, including Aaron Sanderson

from Doncaster, England, Jessica Hampton from Vista in California, John Danias from Denham Springs in Louisiana, and a big, big shout out to Peter C. Kienzler from Wilmington, North Carolina, who wrote down such a compelling pitch.

You see, Cass, people can suggest these topics to us and then we have a little pitch as to why we should do it. Sometimes we read those intently and I went through and found four great topics all with good pitches. His was so good that when I shared it with the Patreon supporters to vote on, out of four topics, it got about 60% of the vote. I'll read you the pitch at the end to show you what I'm talking about. Yes.

It's so good. I might even use it as the episode description to suck in other people. Oh, so good. Okay. It was so good. But our story takes place in Chowchilla, California. Oh, Chowtown. Yeah, Chow,illa, California. Chowchilla. Yeah, Chowchilla, which is such a great name.

That sounds like my ideal life. I just want to chow and chill. I want to be a Chowchilla. I want to recline and someone feeds me chocolate biscuits. I want to be a friendly Italian man who calls all my friends chillers. Hey, Chowchilla. That would be nice. Unfortunately, I'm not a friendly Italian man.

Aw. I am a gruff Australian woman. Yeah, you're so gruff. Oh, God, I am just unpleasant. You are rude. Oh, yeah, she's so rude, they say. Oh, goodness gracious. Get Elise back on the line. Where's Elise? We miss Elise. Oh, she's a rude, they say. Oh, goodness gracious. Get Elise back on the line.

Where's Elise? We miss Elise. Oh, she's a chow chiller. So chow chiller, it's in California. It's found about 150 miles southeast of San Francisco. These days the population is about 20,000, but back in the 1970s where this takes place it was only 5,000, so quite small.

They have an official city website and they have an interesting facts about Chowchilla section. Would you like me to regale you with some of their interesting facts? Regale us. I'm going to guess maybe they're not that interesting. Well, there's a bit of a theme, see if you can see it. All right. Here we go.

These are all direct quotes. The famed Chowchilla Arch, built in 1913, was built to attract attention to the land colonising efforts taking place. It quickly became a trademark beacon to many travellers. It burned down. No one's sure how. Fire, probably. That's one interesting fact.

Here's a second one. Hotel Chowchilla, a landmark that established Chowchilla as the location of one of the finest hotels in the state, suffered through several fires in its existence. Okay, that's number two. All right. Finally, that's number two. All right. Finally, fact number three. The first custom grain elevator in California was built in Chowchilla

in 1916 by Cully and Browning Elevator Company. It was reported that the elevator met its demise through fire. Okay. That's three out of three. Three out of three on the official website. How are all of them so, they're so casual and it's, yeah, we're not really sure what happened. We think it was, sure you get to fact number three

and you just confidently say fire. Like the first one would be like, yeah, we burnt down, we don't really, like no one checked why. Yeah, there was another fire and there was an elevator that, yeah, I mean someone's saying something about a fire but, yeah, just, you know, how can you really tell? How can you be sure? How can you tell when there's a fire?

How can you tell why there's a fire? It's really no one's business. So there's lots of fires down there but apart from that, it's a sleepy little town and in 1976 this sleepy town made national and international news and not for a good reason or for a fire. Ooh. That's my first shock of the day. Yeah.

I started to branch out. Flood? The day this happened, no, it wasn't a flood. It wasn't a flood. Thursday, July 15, 1976, the last day of summer school. Did you guys ever go to summer school where you go to school during the school holidays and do activities and that sort of stuff? Absolutely not.

My parents loved me. No. Why would I do that? Well, some kids in 1976 did. Frank Edward Ray, known as Ed, on this day, July 15, 1976, is driving 26 students from Dairyland Elementary School back from a summer class trip to the Chowchilla Fairgrounds swimming pool. On board is a mixture of kids aged from about 5 to 14.

Mm-hmm. Standard age for children. Okay. Yeah, pretty good. That checks out. Checks out so far. Yeah, yeah. I'm on board.

Kids love starting fires. We know that. Ed the driver is a 55-year-old farmer, but also part-time bus driver, which he's been doing for 23 years. Okay, so he's pretty good at driving a bus. Oh, well, part-time, so really he's been doing it for, what, 11.5 years? Yeah, that's right. Still a pretty long time. That's still a pretty long time to drive a bus. I don't usually drive for more than a couple of hours at a time, so fair enough. I'm not a tall man. Ed is five foot seven and described as being stocky. Dave, you're about five foot seven. Yes, I am. I am very stocky. You are a stocky boy.

But you're saying not a tall man. It's not a short man either. That's not a short man. He'd be tall to me. I like how now we've got a stocky and a grff. Yeah. We've got a Stocky, we've got a Gruff, we've got them all. That's our breakfast radio show name. Welcome back to Stocky and Gruff. Breakfast. He's Stocky, she's Gruff. All right, Gruff, what's got your knickers in a twist this morning? Oh, well, I just can't.

I keep running out of Vegemite. All my kids eat all my Vegemite. Graf's got a lot of kids and she hates them. So he's stocky. He's average height, let's say. The kids love Ed and his bus is often a bit rowdy but all in good fun, especially on the way back from the pool. Some of the kids, they're singing songs.

It's been a fun day out. Everyone's having a good time. Great. Yeah, you've gotten wet then dry. It does things to the mind. Yeah, that's right. It puts you in silly mode. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know how after a swim you're just so hungry? Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, everything feels so calm and then you get out and you're like, I could eat three horses. Yeah. I'm starving, I'm a bit tired and I'm dry now. But remember earlier when I was wet?

Oh, my God. Crazy. Life is so confusing. Why do I need food and why was I wet? Do you know something cooked? Apparently, you know how we can feel when something's wet? Apparently, we can't actually feel when it's wet. Apparently, our fingers and body can only tell temperature.

We don't actually have a wet-dry sense. It's only temperature sense that we can feel. And that's why it's so hard to tell if your clothes are cold or wet because your body's like, oh's somewhere on the on the it gets so confused it's like looking at it being like it's like looking at words and being like that's a word but i don't know if i speak the language like have you ever looked at a word and you're like i don't know what that word is and it turns out it's a word you've used before and you just read it wrong the first time oh yes yeah wow it's spontaneous oh my god spontaneous jesus yeah so when you're in water

your body's like i know this one wet and in the background it's like yes different temperatures call it wet that's so fascinating because i'm thinking about like if you were touching like a tree that was a bit moist or a bit damp, you know, in like a rainforest, you'd be like is this, is it wet or is it cold? Because I think the other things as well, like we know the way that liquid sort of spreads or will move around us. So if you poke something and it encompasses you, you're like, well, I'm not just cold

because that's not the way cold works. You know, you can't dip your finger into cold. So your body's like, wet, clocked it. If you touched a tree, you'd be like, ha, bark soft, bark wet, done, next tree. That's fascinating. Yeah. So no wonder we all go silly after water.

Yeah. That's right. We have no idea what's happening to us in a shower. Oh, God. I don't know the best of times. What am I doing in here? How have I been trapped? I'm in a glass box and it's cold or wet.

I don't know. All right. So the kids, they're wet, they're dry, they're having fun. Ed's driving them. The bus drives down the narrow Avenue 21. When up ahead, Ed spots a white 1971 Dodge panel van blocking the road and it's got its door open. What year is this again?

This is 1976. Okay, so relatively new car. All right. Yeah, and first Ed thinks about just going around, but then he wonders, oh, what if they need help? But before he can act on either of those thoughts, a man wearing overalls and a stocking over his head jumps in front of the bus.

And if that wasn't full on enough, the man is brandishing a revolver. Oh, not. This is some children coming back from the pool. What the hell? Did he mean to jump out at a different bus? Yeah. Oh, this is embarrassing. Keep driving.

Oh, sorry. Oh, thank God I'm wearing this stocking. Could you imagine? I would not be able to show my face in town. I thought this was the president's bus. This is really embarrassing. Confidently, the man holding the gun asks Ed, would you open the door, please?

And, of course, the bus driver complies. Of course? Is this an of course moment? I think I would hesitate a little on that one. Yeah, I'd be like, hmm, give me two secs to think about this. I'm trying. I can't remember which lever it is to open the door. I'm new.

It's my first day. Hang on. I've just got to push this lever on the floor's my first day. Hang on. I've just got to push this lever on the floor with my right foot. Hang on. Oh dear. It starts like jolting forward. Is this working? Is the door open on your end? It looks open from my end. You got to pull. You got to pull. Don't push. Oh God. It says push. I can't hear you. Do you want to take the stocking off? I can't. I'm sorry.

What was your name again? Then two more men in matching outfits and matching stockings, obscuring their features, appear, one of whom is holding a rifle. He points it at Ed, the bus driver, and everyone is told to go to the back of the bus. The third man without a weapon starts driving the bus and the original man with a revolver gets out, starts driving the van that was blocking the road.

Hmm. This is so little is, like, obviously a lot's happening, but it seems very nothing at the moment, which is, I think, the most suspicious thing. Yeah, it's unnerving. Yeah, it is unnerving. Also, if they're all wearing a stocking, if they're all wearing a stocking over their head,

then where's the fourth guy? Because there's one leg of pantyhose somewhere unaccounted for. It's like that trick where you, like, release pigs and label them, like, one, two, and four. Everyone spends their time looking for three. Maybe they're throwing us off. That's good. That's really good, Kes.

I must admit I hadn't thought about that. Of course you hadn't. You hadn't thought about pantyhose. I know. The science of the pantyhose. This is why we need women in STEM. So they drive in convoy for about one mile until they come to a thicket of bamboo where the bus, the school bus is parked. So it's hard to see. A thicket of bamboo. This whole time the kids are silent. No one is yelling or screaming out. Everyone's like, what the hell's happening? Yeah, I probably would be on the kids' wavelength. I'm not going to scream then. Also parked at this location is another van. This one

is green. The stunned children are herded from the bus into the backs of the vans. They're forced to jump from the bus to the van so that they won't leave behind any footprints. Twelve being put in the white van and Ed, the driver, and 14 kids are made to go into the green van. I don't like how much they've thought about this. Both vans' windows are blacked out and the walls and behind the driver's seat are lined with wood,

essentially making it into a large soundproof box. No one can see in or out and there's also no ventilation on board so it's super hot and cramped. Oh, God. And they could feel like they're in a different pool now. Yeah, they're like... Temperature's different, it's all muffled. Am I wet?

Am I wet? Am I just hot? Is it sweat wet or is it, you know? Have I peed myself? Am I wet? Am I just hot? Is it sweat wet? Or is it, you know? Have I peed myself? Oh my God, you just could. I would have. I think there would be some situations in life

where maybe you won't think of it consciously, but maybe on looking back you're like, if I had pissed myself, I think it would have been fine. I think this is one of them. Is it a situation where you look back and you wish you'd done it because you're like, when else am I going to get away with it? I mean, look, I don't know how the rest of their day is going to go. Maybe that would be annoying later down the track.

Yeah, good point. But this is definitely a situation in which forgivable. Yeah. If you had told me every single person on the bus, including the drivers, had a piss, I'd be like, yeah. Fair enough. Especially if you left the pool and you're like, I probably could go to the toilet before we leave,

but it's like I'm not desperate. I'll wait until we get home. Oh, my God. And now you're in this situation and you're like, I'm going to let her rip. Yeah. I should have gone to the pool. Yeah.

They do say that you're not meant to drive or get in the car if you need to pee because if there is a collision and you sort of get inertia against your seatbelt and the seatbelt stops you, it corrupts your bladder. Oh, shit. Yeah. I mean, maybe this is another reason to pee before you leave.

What if you get kidnapped and then you have to make the decision on whether or not to piss in a van? Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Although you could always use it as self-defence. Like if someone's trying to do something and you do let it rip, I personally, yeah yeah i can't imagine grabbing someone like who didn't want to get got but i do know in any situation if even if

the person did want to get got i would stop grabbing um if they pissed on me yeah yeah yeah i'd at least take a moment you'd have, you know, the gamble would be that the person who's trying to get you likes being pissed on. But I think statistically you'd probably be safe to just start pissing. Yeah. And they'd probably let you go. Yeah, it's a numbers game. It's a numbers game and it's like, you know, it's a gamble, as we say.

But, you know, I reckon it would pay off. Yeah, roll the dice. If you're in that situation, roll them. Roll them bones. So you said it yourself there, Cass, they have been kidnapped. This story is the Chowchilla school bus kidnapping. That's what the story is called. Oh, this is not Chilla, if you know what I mean.

Oh, no. Almost immediately when the kids don't arrive home on time as predicted, parents begin to worry. Something doesn't feel right because Ed is always on time. So even a few minutes off is a bit of a worry. Wow. Ed could control traffic. Yeah, Ed's amazing.

It's a very small town. It's a very small town. I reckon if you saw a school bus, like if it was a small enough town and I saw a bus, I mean you're meant to let the bus pass anyway, but you're like, oh, yeah, I'll let the kids get home faster. It's important. Yeah. I feel like it's the kind of town that everyone's waving at Ed.

Hey, Ed. Hi, Ed. Ed's a hero. I love Ed. I mean, should have hesitated more on letting those guys with guns onto the bus, but, you know, I wasn't there. I don't know how I would have reacted. I guess I can't take the show.

He's a bus driver, Cass. It's his job to let people on and off the bus. Oh, my God. It's instinct for him. Dave, do you have any information? This isn't technically a stop. Yeah, he should have pulled rank. I am not allowed to stop this bus in a non-designated bus stopping zone.

Do you reckon they said thank you when they got off the bus? Oh, man. All the kids, thanks, Ed. Thanks, Ed. The kidnapper, thanks, Ed. As the minutes pile up, the parents jump into action and start driving around looking for the kids. They drive through the woods.

They get a spotlight out. The local sheriff takes the report seriously and within two and a half hours there's a plane in the sky looking for the kids. Wow. Oh, my God, that's great. Why didn't anybody text their kid? Hey, you up?

Be like, where are you? Question mark. Why didn't anybody text their kid? Hey, you up? Where are you? Question mark. Yeah. Who is this? Mum. Okay. Oh, hey, Mum. Lol.

Just kidding, Mum. It's just a bit of a funny joke, Mum. Anyway, I have been kidnapped. Have been kidnapped. Probably not on time for emojis, but I appreciate your emojis, Mum. The school bus is found in the bamboo a few hours later, but there's obviously no sign of the kids or any clues of where they are. Yeah, no footprints.

No footprints. They just find an empty bus. The police and parents now know something has happened to them, but they don't know what it is. The parents gather together to hold a public vigil, waiting for news, just trying to stay as positive as they can. Meanwhile, Ed and the kids in the back of the hot and dark vans are driven around for 11 hours.

What? 11? 11 hours. People are definitely pissing themselves. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we've passed that threshold. Are they passing around icy cold cans of Coke or? Yes, they are in the back of a triple M Black Thunder.

They have no idea where they are, but eventually they come to a stop 100 miles away at a rock quarry in Livermore. By this time it's 3.30am. Oh, my God, you'd get so car sick in the back of a kidnap car. Oh, my God. Yeah, big time. And it's completely dark.

There's no fresh air. No ventilation. Yeah, I'd be vomiting everywhere and pissing myself. Yeah, it would just be a hot bucket of liquid. It would be soupy. Yes. Just when I thought the kids' day couldn't get any worse. The van doors swing open and Ed, the bus driver,

is ordered out first and told to remove his pants and his boots and go down a ladder that goes into a hole into the ground. What the fuck is going on? I know. It's pretty mysterious, guys. Don't go down a ladder with bare feet. I know. That's not safe ladder practice.

No. OH&S, guys. Come on. The men demand the names of the kids along with their addresses, phone numbers and a small article of clothing like a piece of shirt or a baseball cap. For ransom purposes? Yeah, probably for a bit of ransom we're thinking.

One by one the children are made to climb down the ladder into what turns out to be a trailer from the back of a truck which has been placed in a 12-foot hole and then covered under several feet of dirt. So it's like a little bunker in the ground. Holy shit. That is terrifying. Also, there's not enough air in there.

Not enough air in there. And I'm, in a way, a little bit of admiration for the admin ability of these kidnappers. I'm like, okay, I'm going to need everyone's name and addresses, going to pop them down in a spreadsheet, I'm going to need an article of clothing from each of you, I'm going to go find your parents and I'm going to blackmail them. This is so much planning.

It's like could you imagine, you know, in the week leading up to it, all of them being like, come on, people, we've got to get everything sorted. Yeah. Having weekly meetings. Okay. Now, Dave, how's it coming with the underground bunker? Pretty good. We just hit six feet.

Obviously, there's a bit of a rock slab through there, but I've hired a jackhammer and I reckon I'll be through that rock within the day. Wonderful. And what name did you put the jackhammer under? Can we just get that for just like admin purposes? Well, obviously, I put under my name. All right. And which state was this in?

Was this close by or? Yeah, it's just around the corner. Alright. Tim's Tools. Okay, so can we get someone on contingency for this one? He asked what it was for and what did you say? He asked what it was for and I told him it was for a big 12 foot bunker. Okay, okay.

So I was kidnapping some children. Oh my god. Would you like to join in? He said no, that's disgusting and I said, just kidding. So I don't I think I got away with it. Okay. Said I was kidnapping some children. Oh, my God. Would you like to join in? He said no, that's disgusting. And I said, just kidding. So I think I got away with it. Okay. Dave, we did have a meeting with you last week. I would love if we could just reconnect on that one.

Just another one-on-one, keep you on track. We obviously want you to have growth within this team. We do have to be a team. You know? Check in with the team of kidnappers. Obviously, we've got a three-strike policy. You're on your second strike. That's okay.

We all strike out sometimes, you know? But we do need team players. Sorry, Cass. I think I can actually contribute something that might actually make up for Dave's fuck-ups if that would help at all. I would love that. It's time for an open space meeting. Yes, go, Jess.

Can I just say that that is a very strong description of what I did? It wasn't a fuck up? Sorry. Sorry, Dave, for Dave's cock up or something. I don't know. Is that better? Yeah, slightly less offensive. Thank you. Okay. Sorry about that. Anyway. I don't care if we're dealing in crime. It doesn't cost anything to be polite. All right? That's true. That's true. The only crime I'm seeing here is rudeness. And I think it's really antithetical to what we're trying to do here. So now I'm the problem even though Dave's just identified us.

No, I don't think anyone is a problem and that's the point. I don't think anyone is a problem. Okay. Teamwork makes the dream work. Please go. I was joking anyway. It's funny. All right.

All right. Anyway, well, now I feel less enthused to tell you what I've done, but a neighbour around the corner was selling a secondhand pool table and I got a really good deal on it and I thought we could put it in the bunker. That's all. That's all. Just trying to do something nice. Do you know?

Okay. No. Okay. Let's give a little round of applause for everyone today. Everyone's contributing. Everyone's contributing. Yep, there we go. There we go.

There we go. Now, I personally, I love the pool table idea. Thank you so much. And Dave, I'm so sorry. I'm glad we're six feet deep in this. You know, that's six more feet than we had last week. So I think that's great. I think that's great.

Now we've got entertainment. The kids can be entertained. You know. Perfect. Kidnapping doesn't have to be a nightmare. You know, we're just trying to get paid here. Let's not get caught up in the culture of it, you know. Perfect. Kidnapping doesn't have to be a nightmare. You know, we're just trying to get paid here. Let's not get caught up in the culture of it, you know. Yeah.

I can only imagine that that is exactly how it went down. Yeah. Yeah, I reckon so. We can't prove that's not how it happened. We can't. And I'm so sad that we didn't get team meeting audio recordings of what happened in deciding what happened with the last leg of the pantyhose as well.

Yeah, what happened? Now, after the last student enters, remember they've all gone down the ladder, the kidnappers remove the ladder and a steel plate is placed over the opening, sealing the children and their bus driver inside. I'm concerned about oxygen. Yeah. The plate is also weighed down with heavy 100-pound tractor batteries

and this is covered again with plywood and dirt. So they've really sealed it up. Holy shit, that's not good. This seems like a problem that I'm shocked that they overlooked, to be honest, with all the immaculate planning. Inside the hole, the children find mattresses and containers filled with water for them to drink. They also find boxes of cereal, peanut butter and loaves of bread.

They're given a flashlight for light, a torch, but apart from that it's pitch black in there. Also, I mean, you've given them loaves of bread and some peanut butter. You're giving them a knife? How are you going to put that on there? No knife. Oh, that's fucked. No knife because they thought it could be a weapon, but they gave them a peanut butter. You're giving them a knife? How are you going to put that on there? No knife. Oh, that's fucked. No knife because they thought it could be a weapon,

but they gave them a peanut butter filled gun and they thought that was fine. Oh, that would make my morning so much more fun. Jess is just making breakfast. Oh, no, crunchy. A medium impact gun where the peanut butter's already a little bit soft, I feel like that would disperse beautifully over a hot toast. Yeah.

I think you're right. Big fan of that. Like Marge Simpson's makeup gun. Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking. I was also thinking I think it could be really fun as a little treat for my dog because he loves it when I have like a water squirter and I squirt him in the face and he's like, ha, ha, ha, ha. Imagine if it was peanut butter.

He'd be so happy. How fun would it be to play that with your dog and it's like a one for you, one for me system? Like he'd also get to see you having a beautiful time. That would be a beautiful bonding moment for us, I think. Yeah. Aw. And I also like that they've just left out containers of water

like dog bowls. That's what I'm imagining. I'm imagining empty ice cream tubs. Just full of water. But it's probably more like big bottles or something, hey? Yeah, I think it's like big sort of like three litre milk jug type things. Yeah, it's probably okay. The toilets are pretty questionable.

They're made out of boxes in the wheel wells of the tractor trailer. So it's hardly sanitary. Oh. You don't have much air. Don't yuck it up. Well, Ed begins to worry that underground they'll suffocate, but two 12 feet pipes to the surface provide some ventilation. Okay.

All right, so they did think of everything. Which is a relief, but he can see, this is Ed, in some sections, the roof of the truck is buckling under the weight of the dirt. And he wonders how long it will hold out. Oh my God, Ed is just, he's just a part-time bus driver slash farmer. And he's just trying to take these kids home from the pool. Now he's like responsible for all of them in this awful situation. And he's probably trying to keep them calm because he sounds lovely. But also this is awful. Oh my God. Yeah, absolutely right. He is just trying to stay positive, but it is difficult.

Back in town, police are at a complete loss. They have no idea where the kids are. They quickly realised though that they are probably dealing with the largest kidnapping in US history, which it is. Oh my God. Holy shit. Assigned to the case is Madeira County Sheriff Ed Bates, who sounds like a bad ass.

Looking into him, he lied about his age to sign up for the Marines when World War II started. He was only 16, but he said he was older. And Vox recalls a story about how the Hells Angels were rumoured to be coming to town one day when he was sheriff. So Sheriff Bates parked his car across the only bridge in town and sat on the bonnet with a shotgun in his hand and just waited.

Oh, my God. Needless to say, the Hells Angels never made it to their town. So he scared them off. But even Bates is at a loss as to what he's dealing with because they just have no idea where these kids are. I suppose if you'd done war at 16, you'd be like, oh, like what, five guys on bikes? Oh, no, I'm so scared.

Oh, no. You've got bikes and big jackets? I was born in a big jacket. They'd run out of blankets at the hospital. The only jacket I respect is a full metal one. The story quickly spreads, though, the fact that it's probably a kidnapping the largest in US history that two dozen kids are missing and a media storm

engulfs the small town Again according to Vox which have a great piece on this written by Caleb Horton that I'll link to. It's very very long but very in depth. Great piece. This is from the article. Caleb writes Months later people could still remember the New York reporter who got off a plane in Los Angeles and took a cab all the way to Chowchilla.

It was a seven-hour drive that cost between $400 and $1,000 depending on who you heard it from. Oh, my God, and that's old-time money. The article adds the median annual salary income there is just over $6,800 a year. So that puts into perspective how much a reporter is willing to spend to get to this town because it is such an intriguing story. Wow.

And many theories abounded where the hell the kids are. Could it be terrorism, some people said. Also, years earlier, the Zodiac Killer in San Francisco, which is not that far away, remember, had once threatened to kill a busload of schoolchildren. Ooh. We know that from a previous episode that he was never caught and some press reminded the cops of this fact

and the police said they refused to rule anything out. So, you know, they're like, oh, it could be. Shit. God. An out-of-town news reporter starts to point the finger at Ed the bus driver asking, could he be involved in this bizarre crime? Of course it was an out-of-towner.

They don't know Ed. I don't want it to be Ed. This severely angers his family who are equally worried about his safety and know that Ed couldn't possibly be responsible. He would never. He would never, they say. He would never. There are many false leads, people calling in to both the police

and media to report suspicious people they come across and useless stuff like a shoe found on the side of the road. Could that be suspicious? Each false lead making it harder to work out what is actually going on. It would just rattle. If that town is only 5,000 people, I feel like you would, you couldn't know everyone well but you might actually

have seen everyone before and you'd just be terrified. You'd want to help in any way you could. Yeah. Yeah. The kidnappers had actually scattered items of clothing on nearby roads in an attempt to confuse anyone on their trail. The kidnapping had obviously been planned meticulously, but what was the motive?

Money, of course, always. Well, yeah. The kidnappers had planned to ask for $5 million for the safe release of the children. Their ransom note had been written and it said, put $2.5 million in each of the suitcases, total $5 million. This is all in bullet points. Use old bills.

Have ready at the Oakland Police Station. Further instruction pending until 10.05pm Sunday. So they would just, like, get it ready? Yes, get the money ready. And then they sign off, but this is misspelled. We are Beelzebub, but they've misspelled it. Or maybe they were trying to put their own spin on it. Oh, yes, maybe.

How did they spell it? They spelled it B-E-E-L-Z-E-B-U-B, Beelzebub. Okay. Okay. Why would you want the money ready at a police station? Why would you go pick it up at a police station? I think the further instructions were going to say where to put the money. But unfortunately, Jess, unfortunately they hit a small snag

when they weren't actually able to get through to the police who were also fielding calls from the parents and media all night long. It turns out the local phone system is completely jammed so the kidnappers cannot get through. Oh, my God. That's pretty funny. All their meticulous planning. Yeah, them sitting there trying to call, not getting through.

They're like, what the fuck has got, what's going on that's so important that they can't answer the phone? I mean, come on. This is ridiculous. I mean, what if there was a crime that I needed to report? Yeah. What if I was in danger? What if I'd put some children in a bunker? What if I needed five million dollars? What if I'm bills above?

What about that? Can't get through? Fuck it. Tax payer money. Tax money is going. Yeah, good. Fantastic. I can't wait to see what the... I'm not voting. I'm not voting. I'm done. I'm not voting. It's all corrupt. They're a bunch of crooks. I might write to the paper.

I'll use a different name. I don't care. It doesn't matter who I am. It's the idea that's important. And the fact that I can't get through right now is an obstruction of justice. I'll say it. Do you think just because I've made some mistakes in my life, I don't deserve access to the police? I don't deserve to be protected? Ridiculous. Ridiculous. I just want my

$5 million and I'll let the stinking kids go. There are literally children here. Literally think of the children. Think of the children that I've put in danger. So they can't get through so the kidnappers, all three of them decide to have a sleep and try again in the morning. That's good. They've had a big day.

They've had a big day. Yes, it's like 4am, 5am by this time. They've been up all day. Get a feed and I'd hit the hay. So this is day one still. Day one, yes. So they've dropped them off in the bunker at 3.30 in the morning, gone to their hideout, got the phone out,

got the message ready to dictate it and then they cannot get through. Blower's blown up. Someone's blown up the blower. Can't get through. Meanwhile, by this time the FBI have been called in and up to Someone's blown up the blower. Can't get through. Meanwhile, by this time, the FBI have been called in and up to 50 agents appear on the scene. So people are taking this extremely seriously. But even they had no idea what the heck's going on.

So there's just all sorts of law officials going, I don't know. Nothing happens this quickly anymore, right? No way. And they're also thinking, we think it's a kidnapping, but by this time we've usually heard from the kidnappers. It's kind of weird. We don't know what's going on. Why aren't they calling us?

Everyone else is. Sort out your phone system, okay? They're trying. They're trying, okay? I feel like things do happen this quickly if kids are involved. Yeah. Yeah, they do, don't they? Authorities don't fuck around when it comes to kids.

Thank goodness for that. We've passed it, haven't we? No one's helping us. Yeah. If we go missing, they're going to be like, how long's it been? Nah, sorry, not long enough. Under a month, whatever. Have you started calling her?

No, no, no. Did she have her phone with her? Did you call? You can't get through? Is the phone blowing up? Oh, so she didn't answer you? Maybe she's busy. Maybe she's mad at you.

What did you do? Yeah, did you do something? Yeah. But if I was 11, maybe out there. Sorry, did I mention my wife is 11? Oh, okay. Oh, my God. Sorry, sir.

So you're interested now, okay, and you're arresting me. As soon as you say my wife is 11, it's just like a helicopter coming over. We'll find her. Give us 10 minutes. Meanwhile, in the truck buried underground, according to CBS, after being in the hole for almost 12 hours, conditions start to deteriorate, which is not surprising. I would feel so bad for needing to piss in the bunker.

I would at this pace being like, I should have done it in the van. Yeah, I should have just pissed in the van. I should have gone in the van. We were only in the van. I would at this pace being like, I should have done it in the van. Yeah, I should have just pissed in the van. I should have gone in the van. We're only in the van for 11 hours. Now we've been in here longer. We should have pissed in the van. I'd be the one, I'd have to go, but I'd make someone stand in front of me and then I'd be yelling, don't look at me.

Somebody sing something. I want you to hear it. The roof starts to cave in a bit under the weight of the dirt. Oh, God. And the small amount of food that they were given is running out. That's so many kids. They're growing boys and girls. How many kids is it again?

About two dozen. Oh, and they've been given a couple of loaves of bread. Yeah, honestly, I think I read in a couple of places it was enough for like sort of one meal type thing, one, you know, between them. Oh, it's not. No. I mean, they would have thought, be like, well, we've kidnapped a bunch of kids.

This will be pretty quick. Yeah, they'll take our call immediately and then that's it. They would have had a thing at like their little meeting room being like, okay, snacks for the kids? Like give them a meal. Give them a meal. If it's a full meal, they shouldn't need more than one. It's going to be, you know, it's going to be like a 20 hour operation. We'll be fine.

It's going to look sus if they go to the supermarket and get like a lot of bread and a lot of cereal and like kid snacks, you know? Just yelling at the cashier, I need two dozen meals for small children and one bus driver, please. Is this enough? Will this be enough?

Just going to get those little six packs of the little cereals. Yeah. I just want them to feel like it's a holiday. Oh, they're going to fight over the fact that there's two packets of Cocoa Pops in there. Oh, no. Some kid's going to know what a Frosty Flake is and go for that and then every other kid's going to be bummed.

You get the other one where there's like one sustain. Oh, poor kid. Poor kid's getting that. Yeah. I mean, they're going to be the wellest. Yeah. No, but probably the most fibre. So they're probably going to have to be visiting the bunker toilet sooner.

Yeah, no one's that. You don't want that. You want something to clog you right up. Do you reckon you'd designate one of the wheels for twos? Oh, great call. Maybe. Or just fair game. Because you don't, like, I

spreading the smell out in theory, good. But maybe blocking off a quadrant better. Well, speaking of smells, it's hot in there. It smells terrible. Frankly, the conditions are awful. Oh, no.

Ed tries to stay positive still but it's pretty hard. Remember, some of the kids are only five years old, so they're pretty confused, pretty upset. They've never been in a bunker before. They don't even know what a bunker is. No one told them. And Ed tries to keep morale up,

but he has no idea what the kidnappers have planned. And as the hours go by, he starts to worry that they might never get out. He's like, what is going on? Oh, my God. It on oh my god are these just psychopaths that are just little evas here which is the same thing going through the mind of 14 year old michael marshall he's one of the oldest kids and he's decided that he's not going to die without at least trying to get out michael oh michael marshall starts stacking mattresses on top of each other to build a platform to reach the hatch that they entered through because it's quite high up.

Remember, they came down through a ladder. The ladder's not there. He's building a little platform. At first, Ed, the bus driver, is hesitant because he's worried that a gunman might be waiting on the other side and shoot whoever pokes their head out. Fair. But with this thought in mind,

eventually he starts helping 14-year-old Marshall and another kid, 10-year-old Robert Gonzalez, and they start stacking the mattresses higher and higher. They make it to the roof, but realise that there's something heavy on top of the hatch. Using wooden slats from the bed springs on their mattresses, Marshall tries to pry it open, but it's not budging. Ed, who is a farmer and by all accounts a strong and burly man, lies on his back and pushes at it with his strong farmer legs. They keep going for an hour, two hours more. They're just not giving up. He's pushing, pushing, pushing. Eventually, Marshall has enough room for his fingers and he's able to grip the plate.

He's able to get a grip on it. He keeps shoving, pushing with all his might, and with Ed and his friend Robert's help, he's able to dislodge the tractor batteries and he begins to dig through the dirt on top. Oh, my God. Wow. It is. This kid's 14 years old.

What a brave kid. So they don't really know what's on top. No, they just know there's something up. They can feel there's something on there and they keep pushing and pushing until the batteries sort of move enough that they fall off. But they're still under heaps of dirt. Yeah, then there's still dirt on top of them. So they're able to push through the dirt and he starts digging.

It's not as much in this place as it is everywhere else. Oh, my God. That's insane. Good on him. So he keeps digging and digging. Marshall, an absolute hero, 14-year-old kid, opens the hatch at 7.30 p.m. It's still daylight and thankfully no one is standing guard

on the other side. Oh, my God. The great fools. They're probably still on the blower. Yeah. Call them again. Hit redial. By this point, they've been missing for over 27 hours,

16 of which have been in this underground truck. Oh, my God. Nearly that whole time in complete darkness. One by one, the children are helped up the mattresses until they are all out. Get the fuck out. That is insane. So amazing.

According to Mental Floss, still acting the hero, Marshall, the 14-year-old, runs into the woods, intentionally separating himself from the group in case they run into the kidnappers, and then he can go and run and get help. Smart kid. That is actually the only situation in which we should split up is clever. Yeah, because like, you know, if the kidnappers appear and round him up again, he's just

going to go for it and go get help. Yeah. Oh my God. But that doesn't need to happen because at 8pm, Ed, the driver, leads the kids down the nearby dirt road where they stumble upon a man working at the quarry. The quarryman hits the alarm button assuming that they're trespassers which is weird to see 25 people together with a bunch of kids small children you're just seeing 25 shadowy figures being like oh this is not good oh this is not good oh oh no that five-year-old's stealing our rock

no you're not old enough to mine. You have to be six. So the guys hit the pounding button but Ed emerges. Remember, he's still in his underwear without shoes. Oh, my God, yeah. He says, we're the ones from Chowchilla. And the response from the man is, oh, the world's been looking for you. Oh. Are they quite far away?

Yeah, so they're 100 miles away. Oh, that's right. You did say that, yeah. Oh, my God. Because at first I was like maybe Ed knows where they are and can get them home, but they're, yeah, 100 miles away. Well, they thought of that because they know Ed knows the area. Yeah, because he's a fucking bus driver. Oh, my God.

11 and a half years equivalent of bus driving. That means he's paying attention to where he's going, Cass. Yes. Yeah, I know that now. I know that now. I know that now. I wasn't driving the car. That's fair. I didn't know you were meant to look.

Well, the good news is Ed and the kids are all safe. What? And Ed is given his favourite soda, a Pepsi, and also some overalls to cover up his shame. Great call. Great call. That's good. Giving overalls a good name again because they were having a bad name for a bit there. Yes. Soon police arrive at the quarry

and photos are taken of each of the children as evidence and making sure they're okay. The good news spreads quickly back in town. The kids have been found. They're okay. By midnight, hundreds gather at the police and fire stations waiting for Ed and the children to return. Don't tell me they make Ed drive the bus back. Give the men a break. Well, they are loaded onto another bus, but thankfully Ed doesn't have to drive. Let him lie down on the back row.

Oh, my God. I know that's the cool spot, kids, but let Ed have a lie down for a bit, okay? Where's Michael? Yeah, he's there as well, isn't he? Oh, yeah, they're all together. Michael's still with them, isn't he? Yes, they're all safe now. Yeah, he's regrouped with them once they're all safe.

So they're all back. And they're taken to the closest place that can hold them all, which is the Santa Rita Rehabilitation Centre, which is a local jail. It's the only place that can get them all together. Oh, the San Riri, of course. You know it. They're given apples and sodas and all examined by doctors. They're going to need a bit more than an apple. That's why they got the sodas. And a fucking soda. Oh, yeah, you're given apples and sodas and all examined by doctors.

They're going to need a bit more than an apple. That's why they got the sodas. And a fucking soda. Oh, yeah, you're right. Sorry, that'll fill you up. Apple for health, soda for energy. And they're looked at by doctors. Incredibly, none of the kids have been physically injured.

Neither has Ed. Sick. Almost just as incredible is that at 4am, after being awake for about two days straight, because he would have gotten up to do the farming the morning of the bus. Oh, my God. The bus trip. Under some of the worst conditions imaginable, he's been up for two days.

Ed agrees to speak to the media on one condition, no questions. Oh. He goes out there and he makes a statement. He says, in his fantastic accent, me and a couple of the older kids figured the only way out was the way we came in. But we didn't have no ladder. We stacked up those mattresses and box springs to reach the hole.

They put a piece of plywood over the hole. We tried to push it off. It was too heavy, but we could tell there was some dirt showing around the edges. That's what he said. He's just super casual. Wow. Also, me and some kids figured it out.

Yeah. Ed, come on. I feel like some kids figured it out. Some kids. Some kid and some kids figured out yeah ed come on i feel like some kids figured some kids some kid and some you figured it out you know kid and and kid started to try and you went i've got some strong legs yeah well initially you were like nah and then you were like oh yeah right and we've all been there. There's no shame in that. Yeah, that's okay. Just admit it, though.

Credit where it's due, you know? Yeah. And now the media reports that had questioned him earlier portrayed Ed for what he really was, a hero. Good. I mean, where's Michael's, you know, where's his hero status? Were they nice to him? Media report, good?

Yes, yes. And, yeah, he's always praised as a big hero. And there's one photo of him that I've seen and even at 14, he looks like a little badass. What a legend. A little HR tough and stuff. Yeah, he just looks confident and cool. Yeah.

But what about the kidnappers? Well? Yeah. What about them? Well, the town and the sheriff were stoked the kids were alive and well, but they also wanted to catch whoever was responsible for putting them in that horrible situation. Investigators unearthed the truck trailer that had been the children's

underground tomb, hoping they would find clues that would lead them to the kidnappers. According to Mental Floss again, Ed was put under hypnosis and was able to recall one of the licence plates and the vans used to shuttle the victims out of the quarry. Get the fuck out. He even remembered most of the plate on the other van too. Ed, I would kiss you.

What a guy. Are you kidding me? He got hypnotised into remembering. Remember. Oh, my God. That feels like hypnotised into remembering. Remember. Oh, my God. That feels like going back in time. Yeah. That feels like going back in time.

Be like, okay, I'm putting you under a spell. What can you see? That's amazing. Also love that it sounds like they went straight to hypnosis too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you remember it all? Actually, don't worry. Don't worry.

Don't answer until you've watched this watch really closely. That's amazing. Authorities matched the numbers to vans found in a San Jose warehouse that had been leased by a man called Fred Woods, whose father also happened to own the quarry. Oh. A little bit sus. Very sus.

A warrant was executed on the estate of Woods' father and their police recovered one of the guns used in the kidnapping. Why aren't we hypnotising people all the time? I know, it sounds like it works. I've only ever heard of it once and it worked every time. Genuinely, every single time I've heard of someone getting hypnotised, it has worked to, like, help them mentally. Yeah.

I've had a friend do it recently to quit vaping and it's worked. It's worked. I know someone who got it to quit smoking. I know someone who got it to stop grinding their teeth in their sleep. Wow. Yeah. Pretty amazing. I don't understand it.

Me either. I'm all for it. And even if it's a placebo, like even if it's bullshit, right, if it works, who cares? Yeah, like it's not bullshit. Placebos count. If someone can be like, I'm going to talk to you for a bit and then you're going to break a habit that you otherwise

have not been able to break with everything else you've tried, that works. That works. That's a hit rate right there, yep. That's magic. Totally. I love magic. I love it.

Big fan, love magic. The human brain rules. We are idiots. Big fan. Love magic. The human brain rules. We are idiots. So dumb. We're so trickable. And I love how trickable we are because it means that we, you know, for all the harm it causes us, it means we can do cool shit like this. Yeah.

We can remember license plates from the most traumatic day of our life. Yep. Which then leads to baddies getting caught. Love that. Coming in and being like, hey, my brain has become addicted to cigarettes or vapes or, hey, my brain has decided to channel all of my stress into my jaw. It got tricked.

Can you trick it back? And someone's like, yeah, I'll trick it back. And then you're like, thanks. Done. You tricked my trick. I'm normal again. How is that bullshit? That rules.

Desired outcome has been achieved. Amazing. Do you want to go get hypnotised? Yes! There's actually nothing wrong with me though, which is a bit disappointing. That's such a bummer. Yeah, I can't think of anything I need fixed.

I know, because I'm perfect. I wonder if you can be hypnotised to be less perfect so you could be more relatable. Oh, okay, yeah. Yeah. We'll see. I mean miracles happen I suppose. Yeah.

Can I be hypnotised to be less hot? Yeah. It's distracting, Dave. People can't take you seriously. I know. That's all I think about. They're dressing you with their eyes. I'll hypnotise them to redress me with their eyes.

They'll dress you up more. Put a jacket on him. Give you a scarf. So, yeah, in this instance, hypnosis has worked. They've found the kidnapper's hideout, but the kidnappers were gone. Oh, you don't say. The three men had awoken from their nap to hear the news that the children were safe and they'd all fled.

So hang on, they got saved from having a big sleep? Yeah. So if they had just been awake a bit earlier. If one of them, if they'd taken turns like guarding the hole, this would have been avoided. Yep. That's crazy. They can't get out. Whatever, it's fine. I closed it. You put the battery on yet? Yeah, I put have been avoided. Yep. That's crazy. They can't get out. Whatever. It's fine.

I closed it. You put the battery on yet? Yeah, I put the battery on. Did I lock it? Fuck. Should I go back and check? No, man, I saw you lock it. Okay. Okay. You sure? Yes. Go back to sleep. We've had a big day. No wonder you're stressed. It's winter and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs, mozzarella balls, and arancini balls? Yes, we deliver those.

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Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. So they're gone, but they're left behind a lot of incredibly damning evidence. The vans were both found soon after and 4,000 other pieces of evidence were logged. 4,000? Yeah. I don't think how that was, it was 20, it was what, like under 30 hours?

Yeah, it's so much. Are there even 4,000 seconds in 30 hours? Dave's doing maths in his head. I can see that. Are there even 4,000 seconds in 30 hours? Dave's doing maths in his head. I can see that. Are there? Yeah. Yeah, surely, right? 30 hours would have divided by 60 minutes.

Anyway, yep. It's 30 times 60 times 60, is it? Yeah, it's more than surely. Anyway. We're looking at 100,000 seconds here. Oh, okay. Okay. I was very off.

But still. But still. Is it even 4,000 minutes? Don't. Please stop. I'm sorry. You're very good. It is not.

Ah. Can I be hypnotised to be smart? That would be so good. Make me good at maths. Oh, yes, please. So there's 4,000 pieces of evidence logged, but one important piece of evidence was a document that simply says plan.

Get stuffed. Are you kidding me? It sets out how they were going to commit the kidnapping and what they would do if something went wrong. So their organisation was their demise ultimately. Yes. Well, honestly, it was absolutely amateur error in that respect that they left the plan to sitting there.

Yeah, they fled and then were like, just leave it. We don't have time. So Fred Woods, his dad owned the quarry. He was on the run and it was soon discovered that his accomplices were two other men also in their early to mid-20s, so they're quite young men. The other two were brothers, Richard and James Schoenfeld. So there was four of them.

No. Wait, three. That's three. Oh, no. We're going to need that hypnotist. Yeah, can we get someone in? So it's Fred and then also Richard and James are the brothers. James and Fred went to school together

and they all moved in the same extremely wealthy circles. Fred Wood's father owned real estate and various businesses, including California Rock and Gravel Quarry in Livermore in California where the kids were buried. And the brother's father was a well-to-do podiatrist. They're all very wealthy. Oh, God. Despite their wealthy backgrounds,

things hadn't been looking good for the trio lately. This is again from Mental Floss. James Schoenfeld worked as a busboy to put himself through college. His father had given him money to buy a Jaguar, but he was unable to afford the insurance premiums for it and had to sell the car. The car, not the cat. Yes.

Oh. Tragic. That's so, yeah, I can really see. Some people have it tough, you know. It's tricky. Yeah. Do you think the insurance premiums on a Jaguar cat would also be quite expensive?

I, oh. the insurance premiums on a jaguar cat would also be quite expensive i oh so are you in are you ensuring nothing happens to your cat and then if something does happen to your cat you get a new cat or is it like vet insurance party yeah third party damage the cat does to other things yeah in case it like like runs into the back of a ferrari or something okay if it's third party. Damage the cat does to other things, yeah. In case it like runs into the back of a Ferrari or something. Okay, if it's third party, exceptionally high. Right, yeah. Because I reckon if it's not third party and it's more like damage to your cat, I reckon they would whack a clause in there that says if the cat has to be put down for something the cat did, not covered.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If it can be proven that it's like, you know, yeah, some sort of congenital issue, then, yeah, the breeder should be replacing the cat. Yeah. The insurance company coming up being like, yeah, I mean, this would be us but it is a you problem. So it's a thing in the US where insurance companies sue each other

and then sue different things it's always legal battles it's like oh do you remember that story ages ago where there was that the story came out saying this woman is suing her nephew for giving her a hug and it was like the this this kid had given his aunt a hug and squeezed so tight it cracked a rib and so she went to her health insurance and was like, can I get my rib fixed? They're like, absolutely not. It's your nephew's fault. He should pay for it.

So the insurance companies on behalf of the, you know, the claimants were suing each other. What a country. Land of the free. Amazing stuff. Incredible stuff. Having a nephew is actually a pre-existing condition. Yeah.

You were born into a family with a sister and you didn't disclose that. You had the nephew before the cracked ribs. Yeah. We don't actually cover that. That was an existing issue. And as a result, we actually have to raise your premiums. You've disclosed that now. We can't go back.

Okay. You can't be trusted. How many nephews have you got? Okay. Oh, nieces as well. You're fucked. Oh, my God. You're riddled with them.

Yeah. That's awful. That's what you get for coming from a big family. Sorry. Sorry about that. I don't make the rules. We're not going to insure you anymore. You are a liability to us.

Yeah, you will need to pay a cancellation fee. Because we've had to cancel it because of you. Yeah, that's not on us. It's not on us at all. We've done everything we could. We're perfect. If you don't want to pay it, then you should have gotten the insurance insurance.

That's not on us. It's your choice. It's not on us. That is incredible. So this trio of bandits, they've turned to crime because stuff hasn't worked out for them financially. So they tried to invest in real estate but ended up losing tens of thousands of dollars. He went to buy a car and it didn't work and he's like,

I'm going to steal children. Yeah. The world's so unfair. The world's so unfair. I can't buy a car. My houses that I bought are losing me some money. Crime. Doing crimes.

Before crime, they had a logical step. They thought, how about we get into the movie business? Oh my god. What do you mean they turned to the arts? They came up with the idea for a screenplay for what they thought of as the perfect crime. But they decided it was so perfect

they'd be stupid to not just do the crime. You're kidding. These are the dumbest men I've ever heard of. Three wealthy men in their early 20s. Three wealthy fucking rats is what they are. Do you know what? No wonder it was so planned out.

They just wrote a screenplay. They were following a script. They were inspired by the 1971 Clint Eastwood classic Dirty Harry. Sure. And I've seen it maybe 15 plus years ago with my dad. So this is a plot summary from Wikipedia, a website I found that I think is devoted to Clint Eastwood movies. It's got a lot of them on there.

Maybe not all of them, but some of them, which is cool. I think the W stands for wood, Clint Eastwood. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Cool. That does make sense, yeah. And this describes the plot from Dirty Harry. See if you can see that there's any similarities. So Scorpio, which is the bad guy in the movie,

steals a Walter P-38 pistol from a liquor store owner and hijacks a school bus. Ding, ding, ding. I'm hearing bus. That's right. He contacts the police with another ransom demand. Oh, ding, ding, ding. I'm hearing bus. That's right. He contacts the police with another ransom demand. Oh, ding, ding, ding. I hear contact.

Actually, that's not a similarity. They couldn't contact the police. They couldn't do it. His demands include a flight out to the Santa Rosa airport. So, yeah, they've taken that bit and gone school bus. Fantastic. School bus, call the cops. I mean, the kids did end up at San Riri and the movie did have San Ros Air,

but that's not quite as similar already, is it? And you'll see there's another bit here. Harry, Clint Eastwood's character, waits for Scorpio, then jumps onto the roof of the bus from an overpass. Scorpio crashes the bus into a dirt mound and flees to a nearby quarry. Huh? And they've gone, great, the dirt mound. The bus basically disappeared in there.

We'll make the kids disappear in the quarry. My daddy's got a quarry. Oh, Papa, may I borrow your quarry per chance? Not that I'm talking to Daddy after he didn't give me enough money for the jag and insurance. I hate my Daddy. Oh, you expected me to cover my insurance? Well, I may as well not have a car and go into crimes. Is that what

you want, Daddy? Do you reckon it worked? Do you reckon Dad loves him more now? I think so. Yeah, well, that's good. Finally a win for the little guy. So they're inspired by Dirty Harry. Their target, the Californian government, had recently reported a billion-dollar surplus.

So they figured the state could easily afford to shell out $5 million. Right. Sure. And their end game was buying really fast and expensive cars. That was their end game. So they just still wanted – this is all about the car. It's all about having a nice expensive car, yes. Yeah.

$5 million, it's a little unsatisfying for me because they want 5 mil and there's three of them and I don't like that split. Go for six, have two each. Come on. Yeah, I agree. Maybe they actually sat down, did some maths, men in STEM, we love to see it, and they were like, this is how much a Jaguar and the insurance will cost. And maybe it wasn't like a nice round number.

He's factored it in this time. Yeah. And they probably didn't want to be greedy and like ask for more than they needed for their Jaguar and insurance. So, yeah. Okay, yeah, that probably makes more sense. Yeah, it makes more sense because they're like, well, this is deal you know yeah we would have made five million from the movie and this is just going to be a lot quicker yeah this would have cost them a lot to set up as well maybe the

five million includes like you know they're paying themselves an hourly wage that's decent and they're also paying themselves for like you know materials used they're also putting aside a bit for tax and for super as well that's probably it it's like it's like the artist maths where you're like okay my time plus materials plus you know paying yourself a super you've got your tax thing like just a bit more just to make sure that you don't have to pay anything at the end if you do and then then you've got your profit on top of that because you still do deserve to you know earn something for your for your time but then you also got you also have to make some that will cover the cost of the next project so maybe maybe the five mil was to cover the next kidnapping as well like new car pay for pay them for their time tax super insurance next

project yeah yeah i think i think you're spot on there that's how if anything five million is a pretty decent amount they weren't asking for too much. They've been conservative, but it's like it's their first kidnapping. Yeah. Well, you've got to get the word out there. Yeah. Exactly right, yeah. We do talk a big game about how, you know, you can't, you shouldn't charge someone exposure, but, like,

the reality is you do, like, when you're starting out, you kind of do have to eat it a bit. And you want exposure. You want people to be able to have access to your things so that more people can see it. Like, no, okay. God, it's hard out there. I know.

I'm kind of on their side now. Yeah, it's so sad that it's just another story of a failure in the arts. Yeah. Small business owners. I feel like they should have just written the movie because these are notes on the kidnapping that were also found and I'm like, this would have made a cool movie. It says, conceal the kids, hide the vans,

go somewhere else to collect the money. From there, Rick will get a plane to take James to a small uncontrolled airport like Lodi. They'll meet Fred who will hijack the plane. Then Rick and Fred load the dummies into the plane with parachutes and an extra parachute, of course. So they were planning to parachute the kids out of a plane? I think they were going to parachute some dummies out of a plane.

I don't know. Oh, so they were going to distract people and make people think that kids were flying out of a plane. I think maybe. There's lots of scribblings that were found. Or do you think it was their getaway? What, in the plane? And then you throw the dummies out?

The dummies are them. Faking their own death kind of thing. Maybe it's a faking their own death. Maybe it's just like a tech run just to be like, well, we obviously don't want to place anyone in danger. We need to make sure we do it properly. Let's just run it with dummies first. You've got to be safe.

Add another $500,000 to our end fee. I think this is very important. Yeah. They also had a to-do list which included, buy Ronald Reagan bumper stickers to put on their car to fit in. Okay. They really were in the arts. They were like, okay, we've got

to make ourselves, we've got to method act this. They also had a note to burn the notebook that they were currently writing in. Which of course, they didn't, so it was now evidence. That's so good. There are notes to get infrared to see at night,

to get an X-ray truck with gas masks and lead vests. I don't know if an X-ray truck exists. And my favourite line of all is, pick up the money using an illusion in brackets like magic. Oh, my God. Truly incredible. They were writing a heist movie forgetting that heist movies are like not real.

No. And so doing this stuff in IRL probably wasn't going to be as smooth as they were hoping. I love saying use an illusion like magic because that's half a thought. Yeah. Yeah, and it feels like they haven't worked it out yet, but they're like, oh, we'll think of it. We'll do it on the day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The adrenaline will get us through. And why did they choose kids? Well, they thought what kind of fight would they put up? It'll be like taking candy from a baby. But they didn't count on badass kids like Marshall, and now they were on the run and a nationwide manhunt was

launched with the three kidnappers' faces plastered everywhere. Wow. They bodged it up, didn't they? Proper cooked. Stick a fork in them, I'm done. Yeah. After about a week on the run with his face everywhere, Richard Schoenfeld decided to turn himself in. Being from a very wealthy background,

he arrived with a very expensive lawyer in tow. Yeah. How did he afford to pay him? Daddy. Papa. Papa. You know that money for the Jaguar? Yeah.

I think I've decided what I want to spend it on instead. Yes, boy. The other two, Fred and James, were together at a safe house in Reno, but Fred had actually thought ahead and he'd arranged a fake passport earlier, so he flew out to Vancouver leaving poor James behind. Piece of shit. Yeah, he just abandoned his mate. See ya.

James tried to drive over the US-Canadian border but was turned back when he was very nervous and had a car full of guns. The idea of someone driving so nervously and you can just hear pistols rattling. You're like, ooh, I hope they don't look at the car. So he thought, I'll have another go at this. He went to a shop, sold the guns, then had another go at crossing the border,

but he'd missed four guns that Fred had put in the centre console and in the boot. So, again, he was denied. I got rid of the guns, all of them. Oh, shoot. And they're, like, searching the car going, what about this, what about this, this and this? And he's guns, all of them. Oh, shoot. And they're like searching the car going, what about this? What about this? This and this?

And he's like, oh, no. There's still far too many guns. Yeah, you still have four. You said you had no guns, but we found four. Four is too many guns. It feels like when you're at the airport and someone's going through your bag and they like find like a, I don't know, like a bottle or something.

They're like, this is 110 mil. You're like, oh, really? Damn it. I can't take something. They're like, this is 110ml. You're like, oh, really? Damn it. I can't take that. They're like, no, it's over 100ml. You can't take this on a plane. You're like, oh, I guess throw it out. That's so annoying though.

You know, I wanted to drink that or use that on my face. That's my conditioner. Yeah. Oh, hey, you've got guns in this cart? And you have to take them? Come on, that's my peanut butter gun. Come on. I thought you were allowed to have four guns but no more than four.

Yeah, no more than four with six bullets each. Nah, the limit's four bullets. Did that change? Let me fly off a couple of these. Yeah, if I shoot them off now, no, it's the size of the bullet chamber. You could have the capacity for six bullets, so we can't let you take it in. Oh, but you can tell that I've not got six in there.

Like, surely that's fine. It isn't. It's not okay. We were flying to Sydney recently and my boyfriend had scissors in his carry-on. Oh, dear. But it was in, like, a little kit with, like, nail clippers and maybe some toys or something. Oh, dear. But it was in like a little kit with like nail clippers and maybe some toys or something.

Oh, yeah. Anyway, so it set off the X-ray and they come over and they're like, have you got scissors? And he was like, shit, I completely forgot I had this little kit in my bag. If you've got to throw it out, you've got to throw it out. They pull it out, they look at the nail clippers and they look at the scissors and they're like, nah, it's fine. Because they like were so tiny and shit that it was like if you stabbed

someone with this, they would go, hey. Hey, stop that. Like it would be worse to use the fork that they give you with your meal. Definitely. Do you know what I've just realised? I flew the other week. I have a knife on my keys. Oh.

I forgot. I mean, it's tiny. What kind of knife have you got on your keys, Cass? It's like a pocket knife but really small, like really small, like maybe a centimetre long. Oh, shit. It's so tiny. It's really only good for if you've got to cut a plastic label off

of something or if you need a shotgun of beer. But not shotgun a person. No. It will not pierce skin. i reckon it's a centimeter long and like three mil wide or something it's tiny but i completely they once took um you know those credit card size things that are like made of metal and some parts of it are a screwdriver and some part of it is a little nut turner and a bottle opener. They took that off me at the airport. They were like, you can't travel with this.

But not your tiny, tiny little knife. Not my tiny little knife. They didn't even notice my, I forgot about my tiny little knife. Got away with it. Got away with it. I'm so glad they didn't take it. I love my little knife. It was a gift.

Yeah, my knife. It was a birthday present. Well, think about that next time you fly. Yeah. I'll have to. It wouldn't de-escalate the situation by being like, oh, no, think about that next time you fly. Yeah. I'll have to. It wouldn't de-escalate the situation by being like, oh, no, I only use that for shotgunning. Please, it's just if a tag is annoying me or if I need a beer real quick.

Prove it. They pull out a can. Show us how you use it. Oh, no, I'm not good at it. I'm still learning. I never said I was good it's a hobby not a profession a hobby it's on your like dating profiles for what are your hobbies shotgunning beer yeah i i shotgun beer but only recreationally it's just for fun for fun. I only do it for me. I don't do it in front of anyone.

I don't perform. Oh, so we left Fred with four guns in his car being denied. They didn't take the guns away from him. They're just like, you just, they're like, no, you're not allowed in here with your guns. Yeah, I think that's basically they're saying you can't bring them into Canada but you can have them over there. And he went, oh, fine. And he went back.

So he drove to Idaho, sold his car and traded to a van, trying to cover his tracks. But it's all falling apart. Eventually he was nicked when he was recognised in Menlo Park in California because his face was everywhere. Wow. Leaving only Fred on the run in Vancouver. But he too was soon arrested.

And when he was told his bail was set at $1 million, he replied, huh, it seems kind of high. Oh, my God, these guys suck. Yeah. Oh, jeez. So they were all arrested and all three men pleaded guilty to kidnapping for ransom as part of a deal to drop 18 counts of robbery. And that's important.

Mental Floss explains they maintained a plea of not guilty to charges of kidnapping with bodily harm and passed on a jury trial. Prosecutor David Minier convinced Superior Court Judge Leo Deegan that the crime carried with it bodily harm since three of the children reported some combination of nausea, nosebleeds and fainting. That charge carried a mandatory sentence of life in prison without parole.

All three were found guilty. Each man received 27 such sentences, one for each of the kidnapped victims. Oh, my God. So it boils down to life without the possibility of parole. Holy shit. Jesus. However, this ruling changed in 1980 when an appeals court ruled

that it shouldn't be considered bodily harm. The sentence stayed the same, but the lack of any possibility of parole was withdrawn. Meaning, in theory, the kidnappers, it's life in prison, but one day they could apply for parole. And that's exactly what they've done. At first, they were all denied a couple of dozen times, but this changed in 2012. Richard Schoenfeld, one of the brothers, was released. His brother, James, followed in 2015. By this time, they'd served 36 and 39 years respectively. Jesus.

Both brothers had a blemish-free record in prison, so that really helped them. I guess offence. They weren't good at crime. I can't imagine they would have given another go. No, they were really bad. Yeah. I can imagine even if they tried to do a crime in prison,

it wouldn't have worked. So they might have had a couple of goes at doing crime in prison, but the police are like, blemish free. Damn it, again. Their accomplice, Fred Woods, had apparently gotten into some trouble whilst behind bars. At the time of recording, he still is in jail, having served 46 years. CNN reports that he's next up for parole in 2024.

Do we have any info on how the kids are doing? Oh, yes, we've got a little bit on that. Just finally on Fred Woods, Vox writes that he's considered the architect of the crime and that's why his parole's been denied 15 times. They write, he keeps getting caught with contraband, pornography and cell phones. Also, Vox adds, he recently bought a mansion on the coast. You see, his parents both since died and he inherited their large fortune.

So he probably could have just waited to get that expensive car. So now he's in jail with lots of money. And just with the kids, just after the kidnapping, there was a parade in town for Ed the bus driver and all the kids. Good. Ed rode afloat with all the kids hugging him, apparently. Aw. Which is very nice. And then they were all invited to Disneyland.

Yeah! Which is cute. That's adorable. That's so good. I mean, I'm sure there were a lot of rides at Disneyland that probably would have been a bit re-traumatising. Well, the ones where you go through a tight corner in a mountain, probably not great. But maybe to help rewire their brains to be like,

darkness not always evil. Can be fun. Allowed to be fun in small space. Notice how it doesn't smell of piss and shit. Are they doing okay? Well, I will say that many of the kids that were kidnapped that day are still alive and even though they weren't physically injured, they carry a life sentence of their own bearing many mental scars

and a few of them have done interviews over the years, even decades later, saying that it's still with them. There's stories of adults having to sleep with the light on and others too afraid to sleep because they have horrific dreams. So many are still deeply affected by the traumatic day. Ed went back to work for the Dairyland Union School District just two months after the incident, driving Dairyland bus number one, the same one he'd been hijacked on.

He just went back and started working. Yeah, straight back on the horse. Ed Ray died in 2012 at the age of 91. Oh, Ed, good innings. Great innings. Good on you, Ed. In the weeks before his death, almost everybody who was buried in the van with him came to his bedside to say goodbye.

Oh, that's nice. And his birthday is now seen as a local holiday. Oh, yeah. So what a tribute. Yeah, it was so lovely. That's the story of the Chowchula school bus kidnapping and I'll just give you the pitch now from Peter C. Kintzler, which made everyone vote for it and also made me go,

I've got to talk about this. Yes, yes, yes. This is the pitch from Peter. School bus driver Frank Edward Ed Ray has been buried alive. Worse, he's been buried alive with 26 children. Can Ed keep these kids alive? Can the police foil one of the largest mass kidnapping plots in US history before it's too late?

How good is that? Oh, that is so good. Well done, Peter. That rules. Look it up and then I realise that none of the kids die and I'm like, oh, this is perfect. Yeah. I do appreciate, and pulling the curtain back a little bit here,

I do appreciate you telling Cass and I before we started recording, you said, I'm not going to tell you anything about this topic but everyone is okay, which is why Cass and I felt okay fucking around a little bit because this is one of those stories where it's apparent early something bad has happened. Unlike topics we've done recently where we've been going la, la, la, la, la, la, la, and then an entire family is massacred

and we did not know the whole time. That's right. But this is within five minutes. You're like, oh, this is a kidnapping of children. Okay. Yeah. So, yes, no, I did let you know that it wasn't going to be an episode where lots of people die, thank goodness.

Yeah, nah. I don't think we could handle those kind of eps. No. No. That would not be great. Imagine we're like, Cass, thanks so much for coming on. Anyway, here's a story about a bunch of kids, some as young as five, being brutally killed.

Well, guys, thanks for having me on. I think I'm going to go. I'd like to be off now. I guess it's also a good sign for people. Anyone can suggest a topic at any time at our website, dogoonpod.com, and it just shows we do read the little pictures that people put in. So if you've got a cool story out there and you really want us to talk about it, make it sizzle a bit, make it jump off the page because

there is what about 8,000 suggestions, no joke at the moment. There's so many. And also, I think a good thing to remember as well is that like, if you are suggesting this topic because you've just read a really interesting article about it, or you've seen an interesting documentary or whatever, there's also a spot in the suggestions where you can recommend like a source or something like that. And that can be really, really handy as well. I often will go through and check just to see if anybody's had an article or a book or a movie or whatever that I haven't come across yet. And that can be really, really handy. So yeah, absolutely. Do a little elevator pitch for us and get saucy.

Get saucy. Great. Well, Cass, thank you so much for joining us again on the show. It's great to have you as our fourth and or fifth Beatle. Thank you. It's lovely to be beating with you guys. On the beat, Beatling. Yep, I didn't need to add anything.

Fourth or fifth beetle is already a fun little joke. And that guy at the airport, like, what's a, you know, two feet from fame or something? That last beetle, one of the beetles was sick. Yeah, six feet from fame, baby, yeah. Yes. Called in another beetle and he was world famous for two weeks and then went back to his normal life.

That's me. That's you. I love when everyone's commenting on the Twitters and the Instagrams being like great ep guys and everyone's interacting. I love how involved all your fans are. It's really lovely. People being like loved this bit, loved this. And I'm like, oh, yeah yeah for a week at a time baby yeah

it's nice it's nice and it's actually very handy because i forget everything as soon as we stop recording so it is nice when they're like hey i like this joke and i'm like oh yeah i love when people do that because sometimes it'll be a joke i've made like this podcast and other ones and i'll be like i didn't remember making that so as i was reading and i was like this podcast and other ones, and I'd be like, I didn't remember making that. So as I was reading it, I was like, funny. And I don't know, it's me. And then I'm like, oh, that was like unbiased. Sometimes I'm funny. Yeah, every time. There's a DoGoOnWisdom Twitter account that just tweets out of context quotes from us. And it often makes me cackle. And then I'm like, that was me.

I said that. Do we know the handle for this one? I think it's DoGoOnWisdom. Is that what it is, Dave? I think it is at DoGoOnWisdom. I think so. Go check it out, Cass. It's still a mystery as to who runs the account. We don't know.

I never want to know, but maybe on my deathbed. They'll all come to you. Okay. I've followed. It is funny. It is. Just no context. This is good. It is... Just no context. Yeah, it's good stuff.

Oh, well, that's my afternoon story. Yeah, you can go back through that. Enjoy that randomness. And Cass, if people want to hear more of you, what are the great podcasts you're on every single week? Ah, Shut Up a Second. That's the pod I'm on every single week. Oh, I thought you were just telling me to shut my mouth.

Just for one second, Dave, while I give a little plug of something close to my heart. No, no, jump on Shut Up a Second. I'm on the Sands Pants Radio Network. Guess it on a bunch of pods. Sometimes I'm on D&D. Every now and then we would change characters and seasons. So if you like Dungeons & Dragons and Silly,

I can provide you that. And if I'm not on it, it's still a great pod. But, yeah, shut up a second, fun little comedy pod. I'm on that every week so jump on. Shut up a sec on Twitter. Would love to see you there. Yeah, thank you so much for joining us and I'm sure you'll join us again very, very soon.

Oh, I've got to take my first spot. I've got to just throw in the bed. Well, that brings us to everyone's favourite part of the show where we like to thank a few of our supporters who support us on patreon.com slash do go on pod. You may notice that I sound different and you may also notice that Cass and Dave are not here. I'm recording this a couple of weeks later and solo.

So, look, going to do my absolute best. A thank you again to Cass for, I mean, always being so up for coming and doing Do Go On when one of us is away. We really appreciate it. In this case, I don't even remember if we talked about it on the pod, but we gave her so little notice, like literally I think it was an hour's notice or something.

And she was like, yeah, of course I'll do that. Like an absolute goddamn legend. So we appreciate her coming in, doing the podcast for us. And we also, I just want to say as well that we appreciate you because this whole year has just felt like we're constantly playing catch up. And you probably feel a bit the same too. It seems to be a bit of a universal thing where it's like after a couple of years of being stuck in your houses or just life,

not being normal to all of a sudden be doing stuff again, it feels like a bit of a slap in the face. So thank you for sticking with us and supporting everything we've done as we've had to make strange changes and have more guest reports and and guests coming on the podcast there's a couple more to come um in the following weeks because dave's away on a holiday matt's away filming something i'm away on a holiday you know we're we're trying to get stuff done around also having lives so um and you guys have just been so great and so supportive and,

and just, and listen to the pod and love us this all the same. So appreciate you very much. Okay. Let's get into it though. Your favorite part of the show. Why am I puffed? I'm just sitting here at my desk. Is this middle age? Okay. So first thing we do is we read some facts, some quotes or some questions. Now this is for the Sydney Scheinberg deluxe package level of Patreon where you get to submit a fact, a quote or a question. It also has a little jingle that I think goes something like this. Fact, quote, or question. Ding. She always remembers the ding.

You feel like a fucking psychopath doing that alone. But we do what we got to do. Okay. Our first fact, quote, or question comes from Wheat Wheatington. Love that very much. And you also get to give yourself a title. Wheat Wheatington has given themselves the title of Curator of Useless History, which I love very much.

And Wheat has given us a fact, and that fact is, founded in 1929, the Soviet city of Magnitogorsk, nailed it, was built from the ground up. As they could design it however they wanted, they based it on the greatest city in the world, Gary, Indiana. Both the city and steelworks were patented after Gary, meaning you could call this the Gary of the East. Wheatington, what a fantastic Gary, Indiana fact. Do I know if that's true or not? No, we never fact check, but I want to believe it's true because Gary, Indiana, of course, the greatest city in the world. Why wouldn't you want to base any other city on it? Like top, top priority, top choice, I should say. So thank you, Wheat Wheatington.

Our next fact-quota question comes from Aidan Corlin. And Aidan's given themselves the title Recruitment Officer for Krusty Old Deans. It's a tough job, Aidan, but somebody's got to do it. And Aidan's given us a question. Aidan's question is, what's a topic you feel would make a great report but is just too small,

or there's just not enough available detail to flesh it out into a story? I know you might need a moment to think about this, so I'll give you two. Aiden, read my goddamn mind. Also, this is a question we get quite a bit, and I find it really hard because there's been a few cases where I've looked into something and I've gone, Oh, that's a good story, but there isn't really enough on it. And I guess that's why I'm we're lucky that we get to do like the bonus episodes for our Patreon and yeah, our supporters,

because sometimes when there isn't enough information on something, you sort of like, well, I'll make it a bonus. So I don't have a go-to answer. I wonder if the guys do, because every time I do a uh like Q&A on Instagram which is probably something I do too often um this always gets asked and I never really have an answer for it but uh what we love is when you

ask the question you answer the question yourself and Aiden's given us two says number one the time in the 90s where the sugar in Power Rangers ice pops accidentally fermented during the production process. This led to the kids' treat having alcohol content of between 5% and 10% by the time they were purchased. And more importantly, an outbreak of drunk children across the UK and Ireland. That is wild.

Absolutely wild. Would have made for a fun time as a kid though. Actually, no, a very confusing time. Because if you accidentally get drunk, it's confusing. You're like, what's happening to me, especially as a child. But that is a pretty, pretty big blunder. I hope somebody got fired for it. Number two that Aiden has suggested is the Time Winter Nightclub in Wrexham, Wales ran a promotion called Free Till You Pee. Oh I've read about this one before where all drinks were free until the first person went to the bathroom. It was described in one tweet as absolute carnage. People pissing everywhere and people getting beaten up for going to the toilet and in another as if the dumbest guy in your hometown got to design the Stanford prison experiment. Maybe I saw that tweeted

fairly recently. Maybe that's why that rings a bell. Um, truly wild. What a stupid promotion that could only end badly. Like what were you thinking? People will do so much for free drinks. Um, that is great. I didn't thank you so much. I also want to just shout out to you, Aiden, thank you for explaining how your name is pronounced. I've definitely been saying it wrong the entire time you've been supporting us. So I can't guarantee I'm going to remember that it's calling, but I'm going to just try and really lock that away in my brain. But you know, my brain is like a sieve. So we'll see um thank you Aiden another fact quota question we have is from Soph Waldron Soph's given herself the title honestly I think I peaked

with retired ass man how am I supposed to come up with something better than that true and for a long time Soph was the official photographer of Do Go On because Soph comes to so many of our live shows and is always hanging about always up for a chat. So people get her to take pictures and she's great at it. But yeah, I think maybe you did peak with retired ass man Soph. But Soph's asked a question and something very close to my heart. Soph has said, what's your go-to coffee order and where's your favorite coffee place? I can answer this probably for all three of us, actually. Um, Dave doesn't drink coffee. He'd have, he'll have an orange juice if we go out for brunch. Um, Matt is usually a, uh, he's more of an Earl gray tea with soy milk kind of man. But when we have a bit of coffee, he'll have, he'll have usually a soy, soy flat white. And I am a,

uh, I think I talked about this recently on my Instagram again. God, I'm tedious. If I'm having a takeaway, a skinny latte or an oat latte, depending on the oat milk, I don't like some brands. They taste like dirty water. Some brands are great. But if I'm sitting in, I get a flat white because, and I don't know if this is a universal thing, but a latte always comes in a glass and then it's hot to pick it up. It's in a glass.

Stupid. Why would you put a hot drink in a glass? But you get a flat white, which is basically the same thing, just ever so slightly less foam. And now it comes in like a proper coffee cup and you can just pick it up and enjoy your coffee. You don't have to be like, oh, I'm burning my hands, but I want a sip of coffee. So there you go.

But then again, Soph, took myself out for some lunch today, ordered a coffee, ordered a flat white because I was dining in. He brought over a latte and I was like, this is why I have this system. But the system just cannot possibly account for other people's stupidity. No, he was a nice guy, but I'll never go back there again. As for favorite coffee places, there was a place, why have I forgotten what it's called? Honor? Next to our old, the old warehouse, stupid old studios. And yeah, good coffee, pretty good, like good food.

But there was one particular waiter there and we only saw him like two or three times, but he was just so warm and so charming and just like just the right level of familiar and friendly. You know, it's like a fine line. He was like really familiar and friendly, but not like, uh, I don't know. He didn't overstep and I loved him. Um, and then he wasn't there a few times and I was like, this place is dead to me.

And then I made stupid old studios move locations because I was like I can't I can't work next to this in this cafe I can't do it I won't I won't do it so that's why we've moved uh and finally for the fact quote a question uh we have a question from Jacob Yeron Yeron we say this every time oh actually I think you're on. You're on. We say this every time. Oh, actually, I think you're about to explain. Okay. This is fantastic. Anyway, Jacob's given themselves the title of the future Frenchman and has asked a question. Says, I'm back with a question, but first I will finally put Matt out of his misery on how to pronounce my last name. Here's the issue. Matt's not here. Again, as I said to Aiden, Colin, who I've always called Coglin um I'm gonna forget this but I'm you know what I'm gonna try and I was gonna say I'm gonna copy and paste this into a

message to Matt as soon as I'm done here that's gonna be in another 10 minutes all right it's gone but gonna be gone I'm not gonna remember at all but anyway okay here's how to pronounce your last name it is pronounced Heron with the rolled R, but knowing how difficult that can be without the roll works just fine. Thank you. Anyways, on to my question. If you could live anywhere in the world that isn't Australia, where would that be and why?

And as we like people to do, Jacob has answered their own question. It says, my fiance and I plan on moving to paris as soon as possible so that our children could grow up and experience the great culture france and the surrounding countries have to offer well that explains the title of future frenchman thanks so much for the entertainment you bring each week and getting a shout out at the end of the episode is always a highlight for me cheers oh jac, Jacob, you're an absolute legend. That is so nice. What a great, what a beautiful idea to do. Move to Paris, let your kids. I mean, I don't know exactly where you're from currently, Jacob,

but the mere concept to Australians to be able to like live in Europe and even just go to a different country for a weekend is mind-boggling like that's so amazing you can just like live in London and go to Paris for a weekend that's crazy because it takes us 14 days to get anywhere um where would I live that isn't Australia I mean I've spent uh I wanted to do like a exchange year, my last year of uni. And I looked at London, but it just timing wise with like the different school years meant that it would like extend my study. And I'd already been at uni for so long.

So I didn't do that. And then I looked at New Zealand because I mean, New Zealand felt especially at like what, 21, 22, maybe it sort of felt like it was a different country and sort of different cultures, but also very similar. So it felt a bit safer and less scary. But I think for me, it would be, it would be Ireland. It would be Dublin, which I now say with like a bit of, I don't know, I hesitate a little bit because one time I was working in an office and I was training somebody and she'd just joined the business and she was from Dublin.

And I was like, oh, you're from Dublin. It's one of my favorite places in the whole world. And she laughed at me. She scoffed at me and said, why? And I was like, okay. I just really like it. I don't know. I've been a few times.

It's a beautiful city. I like the Irish people. They're a lot of fun. The culture and the music is, you know, you go to a bar, a pub here, and there might be music, but we're not really paying attention to it, whereas the music is really a big part of the culture over there, and I really love that. You know, I'm trying to justify my own feelings.

But yeah, probably for me it would be Dublin, I reckon. Love that place. Okay, well, I'm sorry that we can't get answers to those questions from Matt and Dave. Let's say Dave would probably... Where are pies good? Don't scream at your iPods. It's late at night and I'm very tired.

don't scream at your iPods it's late at night and I'm very tired um I reckon Dave Dave Dave spent a fair bit of time in in Paris his wife is fluent in French I would I could see I could see Dave living in in Paris Matt hmm where would Matt go I wonder That's a tough one, actually. I could see Matt, like, living somewhere like, you know, like New Zealand. I'm thinking like Hobbiton, but obviously he's quite a tall man. But I mean just like, you know, a real place in New Zealand. I'm going to stop guessing, I reckon. Don't guess, Jess. That's not fair.

The next thing that we like to do is give a shout out to a few of our listeners who support the podcast. Now, I've got a few people to get through today because I'm doing this myself. So normally I come up with a little bit of a game as well. And this topic doesn't really lend itself all that well to games. So I'm going to say, like, well, we remember that the kidnappers provided loaves of bread and some peanut butter. So I'm going to say what you're providing for lunch. You haven't kidnapped anyone.

Just want to make that nice and clear. No one's been kidnapped. You've invited some friends over for lunch, and this is what you're providing. Okay, nice and safe and gentle. Um, so the first person I would love to thank from Canada, Saskatoon. So much fun to say. Oh my God. I would love to thank Jacqueline Chayton. Uh, thank you, Jacqueline. You've also, um, provided the pronunciation. So thank you so much. Chayton? I reckon I might have said Chayton. Anyway, Jacqueline is providing Canadian delicacy poutine. Is that Canadian? Have I just... Yeah, that's Canadian. I'm sure of it.

So thank you so much. Delicious. Can't go wrong. The next person I would love to thank to thank for their support uh from location unknown so we can only assume deep within the fortress of the moles sean on stank on stank what a name sean oh my god um sean is i'm looking around the room providing a pizza. Got a wood fire oven in the backyard and just installed it. So wanting to really take it for a test run. So we're going to be making some wood fire pizzas. Got some side salads, of course.

And what else? What else? No, that's enough. Pizzas and a bit of salad. Delicious. My favorite food, pizza. Yum. Thank you so much, Sean.

I'd also love to thank from Preston in Victoria, Luke Ockenden. Ockenden. Luke Ockenden. Luke, Preston. I've got an auntie who lives in Preston. And, oh, yeah, my Uncle Tim, who listens, made a delicious, like, meat-free meatloaf for Christmas a couple of years ago. I was thinking about it just the other day. And he looked surprised when I said, this is delicious, Tim.

Thank you so much. He was like, really? Is it? It was yum. Made of all sorts of, like, grains and just delicious stuff, vegetables there and also some roast you're putting on a christmas spread luke in christmas in july and i and we love that you got some roast potatoes you got some chicken you got um i don't know whatever other people have for christmas i don't want to you know um be too vulnerable and expose too much of myself. If I say something that's like a normal Christmas dish for me and you're all like, what?

So thank you, Lou. Christmas in July. Also from deep within the fortress of the moles, I would love to thank Will Vickery. Will Vickery is fun. I'm thinking for you, Will, it's less of a lunch and more of like an afternoon tea. So I'm thinking some scones with jam, then cream, some little finger sandwiches, like cucumber sandwiches. I'm thinking like just like little mini desserts and a few other sort of savory dishes as well.

Absolutely delicious. You got some great coffee brewing, nice big teapot ready to go. Everyone's just having a beautiful time. So thank you so much for your hospitality will uh i would also love to thank from rye in victoria down in the beautiful mornington peninsula i would love to thank mitchell grenfell mitchell grenfell you got the double the e double L at the end of both names there, Mitchell. Love it. Mitchell, Grenfell and Rye. So by the, by the seaside, I'm thinking you're doing a homemade fish and chips. You know, you've got some nice crispy, well-seasoned chips, got a beautiful bit of fish of your choice. I don't eat fish, so I don't know. Flake? Is that good?

I don't know. Beautiful bit of fish. Some gorgeous side salads. The white wine is flowing. It's one of those lunches that turns into an afternoon tea, that turns into a boozy dinner. And it's, you know, you just make memories. You make your memories. It's a night that you and your friends will talk about for years to come.

And then you're kind of known as the party house. So that's fun. Good for you. That sounded sarcastic. Genuinely good for you. And feel free to invite me next time you're having one of these nights. I'd also love to thank from Ohio, Athens, Ohio. I would love to thank Chris.

No last name here, Chris. Athens. I'm thinking a Greek feast we've got uh you know like a beautiful Greek salad with the cucumber and onion and the tomato and the feta we've got some beautifully slow cooked meat oh my god delicious a Greek feast from Chris once again nobody's been kidnapped just want to just clarify that again. Everyone's there willingly. They've driven themselves. They can leave whenever they want. Just putting that out there again. Thank you, Chris. I'd also love to thank from Burlington, North Carolina, and there's no one here to tell me a boring fact about North Carolina. That makes me so happy. I would love to thank Lisa Vianna.

Lisa Vianna, again, look at, yeah, yeah. Lisa Vianna. Love it. Great name, Lisa. Thank you so much. Burlington, North Carolina. You know what, actually, Lisa, you are, and you're quite humble about this. So this isn't something that you would normally tell everybody but you are a bit of a wizard when it comes to cake decorating and you have actually prepared a life-size blue fire engine cake like it looks real you put them together it's like an episode of is it cake and the local burlington fire department from a distance have to decide which one is their truck and which one is cake and honestly lisa they cannot tell because you're that good incredible stuff i think i've lost my mind a little bit here okay uh another person person from Deep Within the Fortress of the Moles,

Suzanne Rolfe. Suzanne Rolfe, you are cooking underground. So what I'm imagining is like when you go to a luau and they cook a pig in the ground, that's what you've done. You are putting on a luau at your house, which is actually very cool. You've got a pig, lots of salads, beautiful bread, an assortment of meats. And I'm assuming during dinner you'll also be dancing for us, which is pretty cool.

And fire twirling. Some pretty impressive stuff from Suzanne. Thank you so much. Finally, I would love to thank from South Frio in WA, Andy Goldsmith, Andy Goldsmith. Okay. What do I know about Frio? Frio, been there once, beautiful place. Okay. Maybe it doesn't have to be Frio related. Cause I don't know if I have, okay. Oh, I don't know why I've gone Oreos. Okay, maybe it doesn't have to be Frio related because I don't know if I have. Okay. I don't know why I've gone Oreos.

I've gone Oreos. So Andy's actually having like, you know how sometimes you go to a wedding and they have like a dessert table, like a dessert bar where it's just like all this sort of candy and like all sorts of fun stuff. So Andy's having that. It's after lunch. It's been a light lunch served and then it's just like wheels out a candy table and it's after lunch. It's been a light lunch served. And then it's just like wheels out a, a candy table. And it's honestly amazing.

He's got everything like stuff that you've forgotten about from your childhood. You're like, what the hell? I love that. He's got it. And he's got it. So thank you so much to Andy,

Suzanne, Lisa, Chris Mitchell, will Luke, Sean and Jacqueline. You are absolute legends. Um, Suzanne, Lisa, Chris, Mitchell, Will, Luke, Sean, and Jacqueline. You are absolute legends. I'm sorry that your shout-out has come just from me as I, you know, do my best. And the last thing that we need to do is welcome a few people into the Trip Ditch Club.

We've got a few people today, two, four, six people being inducted into the trip ditch club um i'm gonna pull the curtain back a little bit what i've seen dave do um when he's coming up with a band is sometimes he will just like put the topic into spotify and see what comes up um so far all that's coming up when i put in chow chilla is of course other podcasts about about this topic um funnily enough there have been heaps but um I have booked uh Ash Bricky an artist who has a song called Chowchilla song so I think I've saved that pretty good. Looking at some other stuff Ash has done. I don't know.

We'll see. Anyway, also, yes, we are doing peanut butter sandwiches today as well. I'm behind the bar and I'm in charge of sort of snacks. That one feels a little insensitive, but that wasn't on purpose. That's just sort of all that they had at the shops this week been sort of some food shortages and like lettuce was like $15 or something. So I didn't have, I didn't have a lot in the budget. So I just thought we could do some peanut butter sandwiches, but it does feel a little on the nose now, but, um, yeah, not on purpose. So what we normally do here is Matt will read out a name, Dave will hype him up, I'll hype up Dave, Matt will say something mean, Dave and I will tell

him to fuck off. So how am I going to manage this this time? I can't read all the names and hype you. I'm going to do my best. I don't think this is going to go well, but let's give it a crack. Okay. Our first person that i'm welcoming into the trip ditch club which i should explain is uh for people who have supported the podcast on patreon.com forward slash do go on pod for three consecutive years which is crazy like what an amazing effort and we we thank them so much we welcome them into this club. Once you're in, you cannot leave. You are in the club forever. And you have access to the entire back catalogue of drinks and food options. It's honestly, the menu is too big at this point.

But you're welcome to it. And that's your reward. And we thank you. So, firstly, I would love to thank, from Address Unknown, Deep Within the Fortress of the Moles, DH. And I don't have a lot to go on for DH, but I'm going to say DH, dance harder. Yes.

From Endicott, New York, Austin Horst. My voice is going to be a little bit hoarse after screaming at Austin in a good way because he's dancing so great. Thank you, Austin. From Bristol in the UK, I would love to thank Marisol Forbes. Add Marisol to the Forbes 30 under 30 because Marisol's awesome. Nailed it. I would also love to thank from Pensacola, Florida.

I've heard of Pensacola. I didn't know where it was. Pensacola, Florida. Anyway, Melissa Pisarski. Melissa Pisarski. I'm gonna pisarski my pants after all this Pensacola I've been drinking. I'm so sorry. I'm sure you've had that most of your life and it's a bit of an eye roll for you. Sincere apologies. From Rustberg, VA. Vancouver? No, US. V, V. Oh God, that's going to drive me crazy. Rustberg, Rustberg, VA. Virginia, Jessica, you stupid bitch. Of course it was Virginia. From Rustberg, Virginia, I would love to thank Parker Riley.

Well, Parker, right next to me. I've got some questions for you, Parker. Like, what's it like in Rustburg, Virginia? And finally, from Roseville, Minnesota, it's Jessica English. The rose in my thorn. I'm the thorn and you're the Roseville. Thank you so much to Jessica,, Melissa Marisol Austin and DH. A pleasure to have you in the Trip Ditch Club. Sorry for my shit hyping.

And that I think brings us to the end of another cracking episode. Thanks once again to Cass for just being an amazing guest, filling in, slipping in so easily into the pod. We love her and we appreciate her and we'll probably have her on again soon in the coming weeks. If you would like to suggest a topic, you can absolutely do so. There's a link in the show notes. It's also over on our website, dogoonpod.com and anybody can, you don't have to be a patron or support us. If you don't have the money to, um, you know, to, to be a patron, we totally understand that you can leave a review,

leave a five-star review on Apple podcasts. I think you can leave reviews on Spotify now and, um, and tell a friend about it. That is how a lot of you have found the podcast is through your friends talking about it. So do that for somebody else. We love you. We will see you again very soon. And until next week, I will say goodbye. Laters. Bye. for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices.

We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future.