Do Go On - 353 - Eurovision

Episode Date: July 27, 2022

It's the longest running TV Music Competition, but how much do you know about Eurovision? Michelle Brasier joins us for an introduction to Eurovision for people who have never watched the show, or are intimidated to start!Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: dogoonpod.com or patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/ Check out our new merch! : https://do-go-on-podcast.creator-spring.com/ Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://eurovision.tv/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_the_Eurovision_Song_Contesthttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eurovision_Song_Contesthttps://www.bbcamerica.com/blogs/what-is-eurovision-10-things-to-know-about-the-weird-and-wonderful-song-contest--1016148https://www.aussievision.net/post/when-eurovision-winners-didn-t-host-the-contest-a-look-back-in-historyhttps://eurovisionworld.com/esc/eurovisions-most-memorable-interval-actshttps://www.rte.ie/brainstorm/2022/0504/1295914-eurovision-controversies-israel-jordan-pingpong-maneskin-dana-international-conchita-wurst-cliff-richard/https://metro.co.uk/2021/05/22/eurovision-2021-12-of-the-contests-biggest-controversies-of-all-time-14575912/https://www.bustle.com/p/10-famous-eurovision-competitors-who-made-it-big-after-the-song-contest-27619259 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Just jumping in really quickly at the start of today's episode to tell you about some upcoming opportunities to see us live in the flesh. And you can see us live at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2024. We are doing three live podcasts on Sundays at 3.30 at Basement Comedy Club, April 7, 14 and 21. You can get tickets at dogo1pod.com. Matt, you're also doing some shows around the country. That's right. I'm doing shows with Saren Jayamana, who's been on the show before. We're going to be in Perth in January, Adelaide in February, Melbourne through the festival in April, and then Brisbane after that. I'm also doing Who Knew It's in Perth and Adelaide. Details for all that stuff at mattstuartcomedy.com.

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We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Hello and welcome to Do Go On

I am your host Dave Warnock And I'm joined this week by Jess Perkins Hey Jess, so good to be here with you Hello Dave, it's nice to be here with you. Oh no, I said the wrong name. I'm Matt. Ah, okay. So Matt and Jess are here. Dave's not. Jess, we have a very special guest in Dave's seat. We do have a very special guest. We have, honestly, I might cry.

One of my favourite people in the entire world. Actor, singer, comedian comedian all-round icon what the quadruple threat yeah yeah she can dance she can cook she can uh drive a car it is michelle brazier i'm listing things you can do and you're like, yes, I suppose that's true. No, I really liked it. I really liked all the stuff that you said I can do. Yeah. And it was based on my personal experience.

Like you have cooked for me. So I was like, I know she can do that. Yep. And not, you know, it wasn't a woman thing. It was just, I know that you can cook. I can cook. I'm glad you clarified that. I can cook good with spices.

People were getting pretty furious. And as the feminist of the pot, I thought, geez, that's not on. She's more than that. She's more you can cook. I can cook. I'm glad you clarified that. Can cook good with spices. People were getting pretty furious. And as the feminist of the pod, I thought, geez, that's not on. She's more than that. She's more than a cook. Didn't mean to upset you, Matt. Sorry about that, mate. Thank you. Sorry about that.

I'll try to be a bit more sensitive. We'll be more sensitive. Thank you. That's all I'm asking for, a little sensitivity. We'll be better. We're allies. We're allies. I appreciate that.

Thanks for letting me lean in there. Yeah, Dave is currently having a jaunt around Europe. Can't believe it. Having an awful time, I'm sure. Missing us terribly. Thinking about us constantly. And probably like barely even enjoying the sights or the nice weather, I'm sure. Every time looking in a museum thinking, oh, that museum looks like Jess.

Yeah, that's what he thinks about the museum. Oh, look at that museum. This bus looks like Matt. Oh, what a dopey looking bus. Oh, I miss my bus-shaped friend, Matt. Can somebody please Photoshop this? I'm a museum. Toot toot, and I'm saying toot toot now. Oh, my God I'm a museum. Toot toot.

And I'm saying toot toot now. Oh, my God. You can't take toot toot. There's so little I have. Sorry. You drive a car. You cook. But what am I going to say when dinner is served?

What am I going to say when I get into my car? Okay. You can have toot toot back. Thank you. So Dave's in Europe, but Michelle, I believe you're about to be in Europe as well. I am. I absolutely am. I'm going to the Edinburgh Fringe for the first time since the pandemic.

I think you, I think maybe, did I even meet you at the Edinburgh Fringe? Probably in like 2015, 14. Yeah, probably. That makes sense. At Gilded Balloon or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Absolute treat.

It's funny. Actually, nobody remembers where they met Michelle. That is true. That is true. I have no that. Yeah. Yeah. Absolute treat. It's funny. Actually, nobody remembers where they met Michelle. That is true. That is true. I have no idea. Yeah. Most people have no memory. I remember walking through a park with you and Auntie Donna

and Demi maybe. I remember also walking through that park and that was one of the first times. You don't remember? I don't remember you. I've just wedged myself into it. I've never met you. But it's lovely to meet you, Matt.

I was walking through that park alone. No, I do remember walking through that park. We got stopped in that park and that was one of the first times that I was like, oh, people watch Aunty Donna overseas because people would come up to me and at the time I think we'd done a video where I played a person called Susan and I yelled about a Kodak disposable camera and people were yelling Kodak disposable camera and Susan at me.

And I was very confused because I was like, we're not in Australia. Why do you know me? Do you get the internet over here? I didn't know they had the internet, but they do. They've got it. They've got it. They got it pretty quickly, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think it only took them three or four years after us. I think so too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. took them three or four years after us. I think so, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. That's good. Europe needs the internet, I think. Yeah. I agree.

It's like, they don't know this, but the world's getting smaller. And the internet's doing that. We can connect. We can connect. On the World Wide Web. We can connect on the World Wide Web. Yeah, the information superhighway, I dubbed it. We can.

Yeah, as I was saying to Jess, we'll be apart for her birthday, but I will promise to write on her wall. Yeah, I have. I have made that very clear. You must write on my wall. I'll write on the wall. Well, that's so good that there's internet over in Edinburgh. So you're going to Edinburgh not as a punter.

I'm going as a performer. An artiste, if you will. Oh, fantastic. Which show are you taking over there? Average Bear. Average Bear. The award winning. Yes.

Just a few weeks ago won the Green Room Award for best writing. Yes. Thank you very much. Thank you for noticing. Which feels like a little backhand about the performance, doesn't it? The best writing. Performance. Oh, yucky.

Yuck. But do you feel okay about that because you also wrote it? I do feel good because I wrote it. Yeah. It got nominated for best show, Best Writing, Best – I got nominated for Best Artist. Oh, that's good. And Best Musical Direction.

Wow. And I won one of four. So I don't know how that – but I also won Director's Choice at Sydney Comedy Festival and I got nominated for Best Show at Melbourne, but I didn't win that. So it's hard to know if I'm good or no. I'm getting nominated, surely.

I think you're bad. I think if you don't win, bad. I think so. Don't come. I think it's just an honour. if you don't win, bad. I think so. Don't come. I think it's just an honour. It's going to be so bad. Just an honour to be nominated where I come from because I haven't been. That's what losers say.

That's what losers say. They say, oh, what an honour to be nominated. That's easy for you to say because you're a loser. Do you know what I mean? I mean, I wish I could reach the heights of losing a Green Room Award. I know you do, but that's because you're a loser. Yes, I've got that mentality. I don't like to be me.

I would say of those awards, though, if you win Best Writing, like what is a show if it's not written? Yeah, that was the one that I wanted was Best Writing because I was up against my beautiful friend, Ruben K, also going to Edinburgh, and he had said to me, if you get best artist, I will super glue you to yourself. Okay.

Which he does do often as a fun joke. So I don't know why he threatened it because I know he'll do it anyway. But it was a threat. So, yeah, it was good that he took it out. I was quite concerned. Yeah, it was close. Quite worried. So if people are in the UK and in the Edinburgh region,

they can come see you. Where are you on it? Assembly. Assembly in the box at George Square Gardens, I think it is, at like 5 or 6 p.m. Love it. It's a very, very good show. Thank you.

It really is. I would say it's a great show. It's a great show. It's an amazing show. Oh, thanks. I'll take your great. I think it's an ex great show. It's a great show. It's an amazing show. Oh, thanks. I'll take your great. I think it's an exquisite show. I think it's an extraordinary show. I think it's the best show that has ever been written.

Now we sound sarcastic. It is genuinely a very good show. I've seen it a few times. It was filmed for Paramount+. It was, but it will be slightly different when you see it live because there are certain things that, you know, you cut for the filming and things. So it would be good to see it in the flesh.

Michelle can't touch you on Paramount, but she will touch you if you come to the assembly. I'm going to touch every audience member in the United Kingdom. And Jess, I'm assuming you'll put a link to the tickets in the show notes. Nah, probably not. I can Google it then. Yeah, Google it yourself. God. I'm really excited. I'm excited to go back to Scotland. I love Google it then. Yeah, Google it yourself. God. I'm really excited.

I'm excited to go back to Scotland. I love Scotland so much. So good. I love it so much. Beautiful place. I really hope, Jess, can we go there later this year and do some podcasts? Nah. Damn it.

I'm in a no mood today. I would absolutely love to, but I would urge you not to say that on the podcast. Well, you've got editing rights. You'll be promising. Get people's hopes up. I mean, if you don't edit it out, then people can assume we're going. If this is in, we'll see you soon. But it depends on how many tickets I sell.

Yes. If I'm the canary in the coal mine. There's a threshold. We're not going to say what it is. Yeah. But if Michelle hits a certain threshold, which is 100%, then we'll make some calls. Yeah. Okay? Yeah. Yeah. But if Michelle hits a certain threshold, which is 100%, then we'll make some calls. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Very good. I know there are some listeners who have all got tickets to the same night to see your show.

Oh, really? Yeah, some of our Patreon supporters. I'll say hello to you in person then. That's so exciting. Thank you. I'm going to see them. I'm going to see them. I'm going to see them. I'm going to be like this.

Hey guys. And they're going to be like, we listen to do go on. I'm going to be like, Oh my God, thank you for your support. They're going to be like, it's not your podcast.

I'm going to be like, yeah, but just like as a general, like for my friends, like, you know, Melbourne comedy is like a whole, and they're going to go,

you're owning something. It's not for you. And I'm going to be like, no, I'm just like, thanks for supporting my friends. And yeah, it's just be uncomfortable.

Supporting Australian comedy. Supporting Australian comedy. They love your Fast and Furious episode. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, it'd just be uncomfortable. Supporting Australian comedy. Supporting Australian comedy. They love your Fast and Furious episode. Oh, yeah. Oh, I was so worried about that. I didn't say it to you, but I was also worried. I'm like, this could definitely go either way. Are they ready for this?

Thank God I'm charming. They loved it. They had such a good time. Went for six years. But just looking at the light leave all of your eyes was really funny. That was my favourite part of it. As we all just started to get hungry. Yeah, because we'll get lunch after the pod and then it was 4pm.

It's too late for lunch. Still the longest ever episode, I believe. Yeah, I think so. Well. And look, you know, if you have seen Michelle's name in the description of this episode, just to let you know, it's not Michelle doing the report today. She's taking the place of Dave. Please don't panic. While I do the report.

And we know mine lately have been like bang on an hour. I don't know how I keep doing it. The word count is different for each of them, but they're like bang on an hour. Good job. Well, I don't know if it's – am I efficient? Am I lazy? I don't know. But's, am I efficient? Am I lazy? I don't know. But yeah, I'll be doing the report today.

And Matt, do you want to explain how this show works? Yeah, sure. So one of the three of us here this week, Jess, goes away and researches a topic usually suggested by a listener. And then they bring that research back and sort of give us a little old school report like we're in a classroom. And it's a little oral presentation. That's right.

And then Michelle and I politely listen. And you probably won't hear much of us. We certainly won't make any. Just a couple of, mmm. Yeah. No tedious riffs from us, that's for sure. I think so. I don't think I'll be chatting.

I'm very, I'm shy. And don't think I'll be chatting. I'm very shy. And you're in a pretty serious shy mood today. Yeah, I don't have the serious mood. She's a bit of a grump. I'm a grump. I'm drinking a coffee as well. Yeah, it's never good. That makes Matt very quiet.

And Jess normally, and I don't know if she will today, but normally starts the report with a question to get us on a topic. Do you have a question today, Boppa? I do, and I actually wrote one. I'm very happy with myself. My question is, what was recognised by the Guinness Book of World Records in 2015 as the longest running annual TV music competition?

Eurovision? Eurovision! Oh, I'm so excited. So we were supposed to record this episode a few weeks ago with Dave before he left and then it obviously got bumped and when we were like, oh, let's get somebody on and you agreed, I was like, I think this might go well. It's Eurovision.

I'm so glad I didn't have a chance to guess because I was going to say Australian Idol and that's obviously not right. It's not even the longest running version of Idol. No. Just the first one. X Factor. And you said Eurovision.

I'm like, oh, yes. Yeah, that makes sense. That's definitely it. 2015 is the longest running annual TV music competition. It's quite a specific category, isn't it? It's specific. It's an annual TV music competition. It's been suggested by so many people.

Amelia Lennox, Deedee, Keely, Billy, Samuel Sebastian, Evie Morris, Faze and Moe, Brayden Douglas, Laura Lane, Sheridan Hillman, Steph de Born, Ute Martins, Chris Williams, Hayley Davidson and Philip Galsgaard have all suggested Eurovision. I think quite a few of these suggestions came in around the time of the Will Ferrell movie. I love that movie. That was a romp.

That was a fun romp. And people need to stop taking themselves so seriously. Enjoy the that movie. That was a romp. That was a fun romp. And people need to stop taking themselves so seriously. Enjoy the romp. Romps are fun. Oh, did that, that got chat on a bit? Yeah, it did. Oh, that's fine. I loved it.

It was such a, I was in an isolation, I think, at the time. And I'm like, this is exactly what I need. It was so perfect. Perfect for sick. Yeah. I watched it one night when I was making homemade frozen margaritas got completely shitfaced do not remember most of the film and it was one of the nights remember when we had like our web series was coming out it was also in a lockdown and we had like they

the episodes came out on youtube and we would jump in there and do like chats with people as we watched an episode yeah I was wasted I have no idea I don't know if what I said I was very drunk I don't think I noticed I gave myself I gave myself alcohol poisoning that night oh did you really yeah it was really bad um that's amazing thank you so much wow Jess cool yeah that's actually really badass what I mean is I did not remember the movie very much and then I started to re-watch it the other day and I was like, this is a romp. I'm sure I enjoyed this the first time, even though I didn't remember what had happened.

So fun. I'm going to have to watch it again after hearing this report because I imagine I didn't get a lot of references and stuff. Yeah, quite possibly, yeah. Did you notice all the cameos? No. Well, I don't. You don't watch it? I haven't really seen. I've seen, you notice all the cameos? No. Well, I don't. You don't watch it?

I haven't really seen. I've seen, you know, the highlights. I can remember the Viking metal band. Yes. Oh, yeah. Voltron or something. Age of Voltron. Age of Voltron, yeah.

And, yeah. There's a lot, yeah. There's a lot of, look, it's been going for quite some time. There's a lot of some pretty wild and fun things that have happened. Michelle, you're a Eurovision fan. I love it. And we've lost him in thought. What is it?

Someone im. Dami im. Dami im. Australia having contestants. And my beautiful friend Montaigne. Yes. Represented Australia a couple of times. Yeah, absolutely rub robbed by the lockdown

year because that was a cracking song and a cracking yeah yeah anyway i'm fine about it although we probably shouldn't be in it it's not fair it's weird it is it is weird but you know they're just being inclusive and nice yeah it's lovely they're like oh you guys like it you can be in it you do you want to have a go it's so nice to give us a go thank you we love to have a go here oh we love to have a go did i Oh, we love to have a go. I'd love to know, maybe this will come up, but I remember reading on Twitter some Europeans were saying there's going to be backlash.

You're not going to get many votes this year after the Djokovic Australian Open tennis. Oh, really? Oh, the vaccine thing. Oh, I forgot about that. Did anything come of that? No, I don't think so. That's really funny.

You'll pay on the Eurovision stage. Eurovision gets very political at times. Very political. Yeah, apparently like England never does well because everyone hates them in Europe or something. Or have I made that up? No, that is fair to say. But it was a different year this year.

A different year. But then, anyway, Jess, please, you tell us. This is a long preamble. I'm not going through the results year by year. Oh, what are we even doing? Why, what is this? Not a Michelle Brazier blow by blow? What the fuck is this? Okay, 1972.

I want to hear every competitor from every year. So, I mean, Eurovision, obviously, a massive topic spanning several decades. And you could just choose one small part of it and do a full report on it. And it's also a bit of a cult favorite. People are incredibly passionate. It's been happening for such a long time that it can be a bit daunting to try and dip your toes in as a new audience member. If you've never watched Eurovision, and I don't think I have sat down and watched an entire eurovision or i've just seen lots of bits and pieces and but that's the thing it feels daunting it's intimidating because of the gatekeepers like

michelle yes i'm not a gatekeeper do you name the last three winners of eurovision otherwise you're not coming to my eurovision party. Exactly right. That's what Michelle said last time. Dress up as an iconic Eurovision act or get the fuck out of my house. Name three of the cameos from Will Ferrell's movie. I don't know that much about it. Our friend Rosie knows more than me. She's really good at it. That's the thing. Rosie will invite you to a Eurovision party.

And I'm always like, I would love to, but I'm scared. It's okay if you don't know. Yeah. You just come and you just watch it and you enjoy it. I've found that with most of those intimidating worlds, the people who love something, they normally, once you try, they love inviting new people into their passion. Yeah, that's what a cult is for.

It's happened so many times where I've been like i'm so sorry like i when i did this show about beers i'd say to all the brewers i'm like i really i'm doing this show i'm slightly embarrassed that i'm not really a beer expert like no it's fine you know and i'm like oh you know i don't know what i can't tell you what tastes these are and they're like it doesn't matter you like it or you're not that's what's important yeah exactly like that happens everywhere the art show we've just been filming I can't tell you what taste these are. And they're like, it doesn't matter. You like it or you're not. That's what's important. Yeah, exactly. And that happens everywhere. The art show we've just been filming, everyone, I'm like, I'm so sorry. I'm talking to this art expert.

And they're like, it's fine. It's great that you're taking an interest. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, it's fine. I have to learn that lesson every time. That's right. Yeah, you've just got to go for it. I'm very much one of those people who just ask.

I'm just like, come on, I want to learn about the thing. And they're like, I'm just an 11-year-old. That's my general approach and I think it helps. It's a good approach. And also I think, you know, what I learnt on the Riverdance episode of this podcast is that sometimes when you care too deeply about something or it is tied so strongly to nostalgia that sometimes you can feel a little defensive

or attacked when people make jokes about it. So just to any people out there who are like Eurovision diehards, you absolutely love it. It is very important to you. We are talking about this as two people who know nothing about it and one person who knows a fair bit and we love it, but it will be light-hearted just i just say that every time now because that river dance really broke me um so yeah i i think

what i don't remember that at all people of course you don't bring it up as it was like traumatic to listen to hearing your heart slowly break yeah but i just don't remember being like that why would you remember it? Why would you remember my heart breaking? Yeah, I feel like I have some empathy, but I don't think I noticed or something. It was such a long time ago. And it was such a long time ago.

It was six-ish years ago. I don't really remember it either. But so what I've done with Eurovision is I've split it into a bunch of subcategories and i'll explain how it started and how it's changed over the years um and some fun stories about the drama and controversy and triumph and i'm going to get in as much bonkers stuff as i possibly can so hopefully this will be a pretty good introduction to people who haven't gotten around eurovision um and for passionate eurovision viewers i hope you can find some joy in hearing us who've never watched it, learn about it for the first time.

Hell yeah. It's an interesting name. Looking forward to finding out how they got to that because it's like music competition. Euro, you're like, yeah, Europe, even Australia's involved. But Vision, you feel like that'd be a movie festival or something. A silent movie festival at that. Because it's on telly.

Is it? I'm learning so much already. This is going to be very exciting. So the idea to organise a pan-European musical competition was born at a meeting of the European Broadcast Union in Monaco in 1955. They wanted to unite European countries after World War II and inspired by the San Remo Music Festival in Italy, it was decided that the first ever Eurovision Song Contest I don't know how to say that. I should have looked it up, but that's how I'm saying it.

Well, I'm actually one-quarter Swiss-Italian. Yep. So, one-eighth Swiss. Say it again. It's L-U-G-A-N-O. L-U-G-A-N-O. L-U-G-A-N-O. Lugano.

Yeah, perfect. With an Italian accent, that's how you say it. It's close to the border of Italy, I think. Lugano, am I right? Yes, yep. There you go. There would have been probably Italian speakers there in Lugano. Okay, okay. Okay.

1956, still very early days for TV. So the first ever contest was primarily a radio broadcast. And it was called Eurovision? Well, yeah. What the fuck is going on here? It's had a few different versions of the names across. I didn't think you'd be quite so obsessed on the name. So I saw that bit of information and was like,

not as relevant. Okay. But it's been called a few different things, but yeah, it's been called Eurovision for a while. So seven countries participated in the first ever Eurovision. Do you want to have a stab at who participated? Oh, it's got to be Germany. Yes. I think Germany when I think Eurovision

for some reason. Yes, Germany. Sweden. No Sweden. Italy. Italy be Germany. Yes. I think Germany when I think Eurovision for some reason. Yes, Germany. Sweden? No, Sweden. Italy? Italy, yes. England? Nope. Switzerland?

Yes, because it's in Switzerland. Okay, that's good. That's good. What else is around there? Austria? No. France? France?

Yes. That's a good one. And what about Singapore? Singapore? Not that year. Okay, that was a wild choice. And what about Singapore? Singapore, not that year. Brisbane. Brisbane did participate. Now, we also had Belgium, Netherlands and Luxembourg. Good job, everybody.

So, yeah, that was the first seven that participated the first year. Each country submitted two entries. The songs were not to exceed three and a half minutes and the performers were just having a very big drink of water. He likes to do that when I'm on a telehealth psychology appointment. I really hope that Mike picked that up because that was some vicious slurping. And he doesn't just have a little bit of a drink.

He goes for like a solid ten minutes. He's like, okay, mate. You got it? You're all good? Okay. It's like Jess making frozen margaritas. Am I right? Doesn't know when to stop.

She can't just have one. So, yeah, each country had two entries and the songs Couldn't be longer Than three and a half minutes And the performers Were accompanied by A 24 piece orchestra

24 is a lot of orchestra That's a nice orchestra Yeah That's nice That's big enough That's full enough Timpani in there Probably a timpani

Bit of timpani Couple of trombones First trombone Second trombone You gotta have two You have the harmonies I love a trombone harmony I'll take trombone, second trombone. Yeah, you're going to have two. You're going to have two. For the harmonies. I love a trombone harmony. I'll take second chair.

Okay. Second chair trombone. Okay, yep. Do you play trombone? That way I can sort of just mime it. Yeah, the first really good one. In my... Heavy lifting.

I'll just move my microphone over to theirs so they get double mic. I literally did that. I played second trombone for a long time and I would always mime. And then once... I tell the story of my new show, but I once I dropped in a performance, I dropped the slide into the audience because they're not playing. It just flew off. And I was like, oh, well, and I started crying.

I was 12 and I started crying and I kept miming. That's a performer. Show must go on. That's showbiz, baby. Still weeping? Yeah, still weeping. Weeping and miming. Oh, God, she's good. George of the Jungle.

So funny. Your parents were so proud. So this You may have noticed what I said in there Two entries Each country had two entries This was the only time in which multiple entries per country was permitted That's amazing

So there's only seven of them So I suppose once you do seven songs you're like Okay So maybe you beef it up a little bit Everyone gets to do two Everyone gets two songs Now the show goes for a couple of hours Yeah

That's nice It was also the only time when voting was held behind closed doors with only the doors open now well with only the winner being announced on stage all participating countries sent two jury members in order to vote secretly on the songs the jury they should have got like music execs, not jury members. Yeah, Dicko. Get Dicko in there. Yeah. Not people who were supposed to be busy in the courts. Yeah. That's no good.

Yeah, that is a mistake. That is a good point. And the jury's off. Yeah. What did you think? Do you think criminals were left out on the streets? Well, they were certainly released, yeah. Probably on a rampage. So we don't have enough jurors this week.

That's where the purge came from from when they got all the jurors. Let that murderer out. Tell him to go back to that primary school. Yeah. Honestly. He didn't get all the children last time. This is, I think that's not on. I'm glad they changed that the following year.

Same. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the other thing that seems a little bit silly is that the jurors were allowed to vote for whatever country they wished, including their own. So was it a... Everyone was to... To sever my tie.

By the next year, the use of a scoreboard and public announcement of the voting, inspired by the BBC's Festival of British Popular Songs, was introduced and has been used ever since. So they kind of...

Yeah, that very public scoreboard and you've got all the different votes and it all gets tallied up. That's been happening since the second year. Inspired by the BBC's really well-titled Festival of British Popular Songs. I think the BBC, they know how to party, don't they? They know how to really go wild. What do we name it?

Let's describe it in a lot of words and make that the title. The winning song for the first ever Eurovision Was Refrain Performed by Liss Assia from Switzerland Very proud of my compatriot Am I saying that right? Yes I think if the BBC named Eurovision It would have been called the European Festival of Music and Vision.

Yes. Contest. Contest. That's nice. That's nice, actually. Colon. Enjoy yourselves out there. Yeah, everyone have a good time.

This is for fun. All credit to the boys. All credit to the boys. Go out, give 110%. Doing our best. Had a couple of difficult decisions from the ref out there, but good on you for staying civil, the boys. I love the boys.

Not making excuses, but a few didn't go our way this week. So, yeah, the host was Switzerland, the winner was Switzerland, and Liz is the only Swiss contestant to have ever won the Eurovision Song Contest. As Switzerland's only other winner was a French-Canadian performer who I'll talk a little bit more about later. Okay. French-Canadian? Who could it be?

Could it be? Chips and gravy. Chips and gravy. It's poutine. It's poutine. Poutine. I didn't want to spoil it. We're just on the stage.

But yeah, poutine won. Everyone looks at poutine for a bit. Poutine for Switzerland. Poutine for Switzerland. Everyone's saying it in the streets. It was actually really good. It was a very moving performance. Yeah. The orchestra are doing a lot of the heavy lifting on that one.

But yeah, beautiful piece. So a lot of changes were made in the early years of the competition and it grew quite quickly. The second year, 1957, Austria, Denmark and the UK joined the contest for the first time along with the seven who'd competed the year before and the contest was held in Frankfurt in Germany. I don't know why I said it like that but I did. While TV was on the rise, this contest was still primarily broadcast on radio

and in contrast to the year before, duos were now permitted in the contest. Exciting stuff. We're going to have the White Stripes. White Stripes were in there. Black Keys. Black Keys were in there. Sonny and Cher were in there. Sonny and Cher would have been there as well.

Popular comedy duo Annie and Lena. Annie and Lena were in there. Martin Molloy were there. Martin Molloy were there. Steve, Martin, Martin Short. Yes, they were there. Steve Martin, Martin Short. Yes, they were there. Burt Newton, second banana-ing to the king, Graham Kennedy. Yeah, they were there.

Daryl Summers and the puppet. Ozzy Osbourne. No, Ozzy Ostrich. Ozzy Osbourne and the bat. Ozzy Osbourne and the bat were there. That's why you're thinking. But they were both there, yes, but in separate duos. Separate duos.

Anyway, so lots of duos. Tony Lockett kicking it. Nicky Wimar kicking to Tony Lockett. Yeah, and that was their performance. On the lead, yeah. It was beautiful, actually. Beautiful poetry in motion. God, they're good.

History was set that year by Danish duo Bertha Wilkie and Gustav Winkler, incredible names, who shocked the audience with a passionate kiss at the end of their performance. Yes. Ooh, mama. Which remains the longest kiss in the history of Eurovision. Love that.

I love that. It's the second year. How European. They had a passionate kiss at the end of their song. I'm obsessed with that. Hopefully it was a love song. I hope it wasn't. It was so a love song. I hope it wasn't. It was so out of context.

I hope it was like funny and silly. Yeah, hopefully it was like a song trying to incite war and then they kissed at the end of the song. Yeah, then they made out. Yeah. That'd be fun. Like a sexy, sexy war. Yeah.

Which would have been great around that time. Let's have war. Trying to make a war sexy. War with our mouths. Yeah. I miss the year. This is 57. 57. Oh, good year. A great year. Australia got miss the year. This is 57. 57.

Oh, good year. A great year. Australia got TV the year before. That's right. But yeah, like we had TV, they had TV, but it still wasn't like one in every household, you know. It grew up quickly, but not that quick. Yeah.

So yeah, it is being filmed, but it's only being broadcast on like one or two, in one or two countries, and it's only being broadcast in one or two countries and it's mostly radio at this stage. I read that the long kiss happened because a member of the production staff forgot to signal that the kiss should end. Oh, the choreographed kiss? So they just got their eyes open and they're like,

is it? No, no, keep going. Okay. No, it said keep going. The producer's doing that stretch motion. And they're like, do we do that with our saliva? With the tongues? Is that a tongue thing?

Okay. Germany's Entry, performed by Margaret Heischler, featured a telephone during the performance. The first gimmick to appear in the Eurovision Song Contest. I didn't know they did gimmicks. The first of many. The first of so many. Telephone, what a gimmick.

It'll never take off. Yeah. They were like, look at this. The first time, this time the rules on the length of song were also loosened. So there's quite a contrast in length of songs. The UK entry was like a minute 52, whereas the Italian. It's like a punk song, isn't it?

Yeah. The Italian one went for five minutes love it um and even though the rules suggested that the show and even though the rules suggested that a song shouldn't exceed three minutes the italian entry wasn't disqualified despite heavy protests yes the incident led to the restriction of each song to last a maximum of three minutes. And unlike the previous year, national juries could not vote for their own song, a rule that still applies today.

You can't just all turn up and vote for yourself. I think we did really well. I'm going to give all of my points to Australia, I think. Just thinking about it. They were really good they were just very good I like the little dancers I like the

I like the the jackets they've got good jackets on I just think they've got good jackets I came here with an open mind I was really thought you know

I wouldn't be voting for Australia yeah if anything I as an Australian hate Australia but if anything I'm I'm harder on Australia than anyone else.

But, yeah, they were just easily the best, in my opinion. They moved me. Yeah. And they're my housemate. And my son. I didn't want to make it awkward, so... The Netherlands won the second Eurovision Song Contest and Dutch TV was the proud host in 1958.

It was the first time that the winning country from the previous year had hosted the contest and that's been a tradition over the six decades with a few exceptions. So there have been six previous occasions in which a different nation has stepped up to host and it's often for a very similar reason each time. So as the inaugural winner of the contest Switzerland was invited to host in 1957 as well however they declined because they just held the first one in 1956 and they didn't want to host for a second time so Frankfurt took it similar reason why in 1959 the Netherlands didn't host the 1960 contest they'd hosted only a couple of years earlier

so the UK steps in and hosts in 1960 the BBC in the United Kingdom stepped up again just three years later when in 1962 winner France declined to host due to the financial constraint of having just hosted in 1959 and 61 so a lot of the time they're like, we just keep winning. Yeah. We just hosted it.

We just want to share it around if that's okay. Yeah, there's a lot of criteria and it's a lot of money goes into hosting and having a place big enough to facilitate. Is it like a tourist thing? Do people come from around the world to visit it? Yeah. Yeah, right. One day I'll go. like a tourist thing do people come yes yeah from around the world to visit it yeah right and also it brings a lot of like it's not just performers coming over then you've got like all the tv crews

from every country you've got judges from every country it's like it just brings a lot of people so you've got to have the infrastructure to hold the show but then also accommodate all those people and yeah is it what is the telecast live these days like if you go there would you just would it feel like you're just enjoying a show or is it more like a tv production where they're like all right hold there no another round of applause i don't know i don't think it would be like that when they were like when they do like well when we were filming mad as hell it didn't feel the same as the eurovision vibe right um no i think it is live i think so yeah or you know potentially a slight delay because you have to watch it at like 2 a.m yeah yeah in australia that's not just because that's the only

time sbs can squeeze it in it's quite a long show so we've got to really... I wish you'd given us a little more warning. Got to wiggle some stuff around. In 1971, the winner Monaco were unable to meet the demands of hosting the competition, including finding a suitable venue. So the 1972 contest took place in the Scottish city of Edinburgh. I love Edinburgh so much. It's the best. So you could go...

What's the venue? You could go get a photo out so much. It's the best. So you could go, what's the venue? You could go get a photo out the front. Probably Assembly George Square Garden. Probably, yeah. Probably the box. Whoa. ADC would probably do it. I'd say.

Yeah. This was the first time that the BBC had chosen a venue outside of London to stage Eurovision. Oh, so the network's choosing. They've had it a few times, yeah. So it's not the country, it's not the government making the call? It's probably a bit of both. Yeah, of course. It'd have to be, right?

So if Montaigne won... Yeah. She'd have to have it at her house. The SBS. Oh, Montaigne would have to have it. At her house, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I imagine she's got a pretty big place.

It's an apartment, but I think there's a couple bedrooms. I'm not sure. Yeah, I think there's a couple of bedrooms. I'm not sure. Yeah. I think that should be fine. One of those could be used for, you know, all the tech. Totally. Hang out out the front and then just come in when it's your turn. Periodically.

Yeah, come in when it's your turn. One is a green room. That'd be good. That'd be good. And does it say, what, 6,000, 7,000? Yeah. Probably. Yeah. I'd have to check. I'd have to check. It's a bit de,000, 7,000? Yeah, probably. Yeah, I'd have to check. I'd have to check.

It's a bit deceptive, isn't it? It is. Because you look around this apartment and you go, you couldn't fit 6,000, 7,000 people in here, but I have. Yeah, okay. I've done it before and I'll do it again. Seated? Do it again.

No. No. Some seated. Less seated. But definitely standing room at the back. I've just looked it up and the place in Edinburgh where it was, I've been there. Where is it?

Usher Hall. Usher Hall. I don't know that I've been, but that's cool. Yes. Well, yeah, in the early days it was smaller. There weren't as many countries participating. So it was probably a little easier in the early days, but now it's huge. So having won the contest in both 1972 and 1973,

Luxembourg declined to host for a second successive year. Luxembourg. I couldn't tell you a thing about Luxembourg. Me either. Well, now I could. Back-to-back winners of Eurovision. That's right. And it's a fantastic name for a country.

It's great. Luxembourg. So good. They're like, we can't host it again. We're busy. So BBC again took over. And then this time they hosted in the seaside town of Brighton. Oh, Brighton.

Israel declined to host the contest for a second year in a row due to financial constraints after winning in both 1978 and 1979. And the United Kingdom, who is a go-to plan b also declined so dutch broadcasters uh hastily agreed to stage the event in the netherlands so yeah a lot of the time it's like we we just did it yeah we cannot afford it and then somebody else will step in but for the most part it's only like six times or something in the last 60 years for the most part if you win you you host and a lot of them are saying no we just hosted because we keep winning yeah so i wonder if uh the top knowing that the winner is gonna host it the next time i wonder if any of the judges are like no i want to go next year i want to go i want to go hang out on a beach, so I'm going to pick. Yeah.

Is Hawaii, have they got a team? Hawaii got an entrant? Fiji? Fiji? I want a beach. There's also an interesting bit of drama after the 1969 NICE contest. The contest, which was held in Madrid, famously had joint winners. And not just two joint winners, but four. Ooh la la.

That's, yeah, that's kind of half-assing your job as a judge. Four out of who? Four out of how many, Tina? I don't know, I don't know. It would be so many. Like a quarter of the field or something. By this time, this is 1969, there's a few. What an arsehole you'd feel like if you didn't win. Honestly, I was at the Green Room

Awards ceremony the other night. There was like a category where there was only four nominated and there was a three-way tie. I was like, how dare you? I was so mad. I'm going to write a letter about this. This is no good. That's no good. That sucks.

Oh, my God. So someone's there and they're going, oh, my God, it's a three-way tie. And so they're reading the names. Hopefully they brought all the four nominees onto the stage. No, absolutely not. A crown? And then threw poo at the four. Idiot, idiot.

Pushed them off the stage. You go over there. Disgrace. So, so yeah four joint winners the uk spain netherlands and france all finished with 18 points at the conclusion of voting none of them wanted to host well that's exactly right the uk had hosted in 1968 spain had hosted in 1967 so they drew a ballot between the netherlands and france and the nether Netherlands was chosen as the host country for the 1970 show. Only 12 countries participated as Finland, Norway, Portugal, Sweden and Austria all boycotted in protest of the four-way tie. Oh, wow.

That's weird. And this led to the creation of a tiebreaker rule to avoid a repeat of events of the previous year. We don't like it when everyone wins. How funny though that five countries are like, we're not fucking coming. Yeah. How dare you?

They were all ones who weren't in the four. Is that right? Yeah, that's right. It wasn't they were like, we don't want to share our win. Yeah, we should have won. We want more losers with us. Yeah. Oh, this is bullshit. We're coming here to win not to tie

there's a do you see that video that started going around again but it was from maybe the last olympics where two yes high jumpers or pole vaulters or something jump and they were like uh they did a few tie rounds or something they were still on a tie and they're like we can go on another tie round and one of the competitors was like can we just share it and the guy's like

well there's nothing in the rule books that says you can't or whatever I remember crying my eyes out about that it's the best bawling my little eyes out

lovely like all friendship I remember at the time reading that they're like good friends and they train a lot together isn't that so nice? I think the guy

who suggests... She's going to cry again. The guy who suggests sharing it, I think was in the lead. I think from memory. So it's really good sportsmanship and they're both crying because they're so happy.

Raz is crying. It's so nice. I really like it. Would have been a bit of fun if the guy suggested it and the other guy was like, nah, let's go on. I'm going to go for it. And then he loses. You would say that, coward.

That's what you get for not being nice. Yeah, you don't get that at Eurovision though. You get people boycotting because people tied. Not on. Not happening. Oh, beautiful. By the 1960s, between 16 and 18 countries were regularly competing each year. So it's definitely growing.

So when you say four tied, probably 16, 18 countries were competing. Countries from outside the traditional boundaries of Europe began entering the contest and countries in Western Asia and North Africa started to compete in the 70s and 80s. And following the breakup of the Soviet Union, more countries wanted to join in the 1990s. Let's have a sing.

You know what? Let's have a bloody sing. I'd love to have a sing. What a shame they boxed themselves in with the name. They just called it Singing Comp. Yeah, rather than Eurovision. Well, it hasn't affected it in any way. It's true.

We keep doing it. So, yeah, African country. And do you think Singing Comp would have done better? Yeah. Singing Comp. Singing Comp 2022. The next Singing Comp winner is... And then Instrumentalist would be like, oh, great.

Yeah. Fantastic. Great. Tommy Emanuel's like like, oh, great. Yeah. Fantastic. Great. Tommy Emanuel's like, well, fuck me. Yeah. Fuck you. What am I then? Oh, chopped liver over here.

Yeah, bloody hell. I'm Tommy fucking Emanuel. I'm Tommy fucking Emanuel. He is like that. And he hits you with his guitar. Yeah. He smashes his guitar. He says, oh, great.

Now my guitar's smashed. Yeah. Hey? You've got a very clumsy face, don't you? I can't enter singing comp. Tommy Emanuel seems very nice. He should have just had a go at singing. He's very unlikely to smash you in the head with his guitar.

Yeah, I don't think he'd do that at all. He loves his guitars too much. He loves his guitars, so are these his children? Can't pick a favourite. In 93 and 94, a then record of 25 countries took part. In 96, a pre-qualification heat was organised to reduce 29 participants to 23 while host country Norway automatically

qualified for the contest as the 24th country. So, like, we've got too many people wanting to participate now. It's too many. We're going to have to do pre-qualification. So, some people, like, had a go and did not make it to Eurovision. Devastating. Some countries would just say no. I bet those countries love that Australia's in it now.

They would love it so much. This challenge was solved in 2004 when a semi-final was introduced. Hell yeah. So, growing interest led to the introduction of a second semi-final in 2008. As a result, a record number of 43 countries took part in 2008 for the first time. And this also occurred in 2011 and 2018. 43 countries. That's awesome.

How many in the world? Like 1,000? That's a big percentage. I think it's about 1,000. 2,000 countries? I have no idea how many countries there are. Dave would know for sure. He'd know the exact number.

It's like 160 or something like that. Is it? 160 countries. Is that right? I've got the number 127 in my head and I think that might be from 127 hours. It's 195 countries. That that right? I've got the number 127 in my head. And I think that might be from 127 hours. It's 195 countries. That's heaps.

This total comprises 193 countries that are member states of the United Nations and two countries that are non-member observed states. The Holy See and the State of Palestine. Okay. Yeah, I was going to say there's other ones. Yeah, there's like... Does that include the Vatican? Yeah, because like Palestine, the Vatican.

Yeah. What do you do when there's like conflict? Does it count Sealand? Yeah, or New Sealand. Yeah, yeah, exactly. This is interesting. Tasmania. Does it include Tasmania?

It says people also ask which country is number one in world. I wonder who's asking that. And the answer is United States. The United States of America is a North American nation that is the world's most dominant economic and military power. Number one. Which country is number one? USA.

They're so special. They're special. I love that. I love them. I love them. I want to go there. I want to experience the number one country. I'm going in a week.

What's this trip? So you're going to Edinburgh and you're going to the United States of America? I'm going to the United States and I'm going – well, listen, I can't – before I get to Edinburgh, I am doing something that is a secret. When does this come out? 20 – yeah, late July. No, yeah, late July.

After the 25th of July? Yeah. I'm doing Montreal Festival. In French Canada. It's not called Montreal Festival. That's not what it's called. I'm doing Just for Laughs Montreal. That's so exciting. But it's embargoed

currently. So close your ears Matt. Close your ears Jess. I'm sorry, I've just tweeted it in real time. Close your ears Jess's dog Goose. I'll be there for Just for Laughs, which is an absolute honour. I'm going to do that. Opening up new faces to international people. New faces is like a big showcase where they're like,

these are the new cool faces of comedy. And launched like Amy Schumer and Kevin Hart and Pete Davidson. So you're going to be, by the time this episode comes out, you're going to be launched. I'm going to be launched and I hope I land safely. I'm going to New York before that. What level of fame do you have to get to before you will ditch me? Never.

No, don't say that. Don't say that though. Jess, if I get to a level of fame where I would ditch you, I would hire you to just be around. I'd love that. I'd be like, I'll pay for you and I'll pay for your friends to come and do the podcast in the house. Your friends.

Your little friends. I'm not going to list the two people. Who are they? What are they? And the rest. The boys. Jess and the rest. I'll bring the boys.

Those two boys or any two boys you wish. Okay, great. Yeah. Okay, that's good to know. Which I'm sure I will reach those dizzying heights. You can be like- I'll be your turtle. I could just be your little friend that you pay to like...

Be my friend. ...riff with you. Yeah, I'd love that. I'd love that. Oh, that'd be so fun. All right, great. It's good to get that on the record for when you do inevitably get far too famous. Jess, you can be Johnny Drama.

No, it's really easy to get that famous. I'll be Turtle and Dave can be... I haven't seen Entourage in a long time. I haven't seen Entourage at all. Okay. I haven't seen Entourage at all. Okay. But I understand the reference. There's another one in that group. Yeah, the other one.

Dave can be the other one. Turtle's the real reference that I got. Yeah, Turtle's the one that comes straight to mind. I've seen the program on the ads. Yeah. It's a good show, isn't it? E. No issues.

Dave's E. That makes sense. Yeah, makes sense. The manager. Yeah. God, he loves admin. Does he it? E. No issues. Dave's E. That makes sense. Yeah, makes sense. The manager. Yeah. God, he loves admin. Does he? I don't know.

I don't know him. Never met him. I haven't met him. And to be honest, I love admin. So who am I to judge? Anyway, back to Eurovision. Okay. Let's go.

No turtles in this. Or are there? Not yet. They opened it up to the sea. When I get to represent Australia in Eurovision, I'm going to have turtles in my act. That's a gimmick. Yeah, turtles.

A telephone and a turtle. And not people dressed as turtles. Real turtles. Real turtles in a big pool and I'm swimming. And I'm swimming and I'm singing and I'm swimming with my turtles. But the turtles are fine with it. Oh, they love it. They love it the turtles are fine with it. Oh, they love it. They love it.

They're fine with it. Yeah. And then the turtles, and then we raise enough money to save all the turtles. Yeah. So. And the turtles are really happy that they did that. I think that would be so good. And we get local turtles.

We are definitely going to employ local turtles. We're not importing turtles. I said twirtles. So whatever the. Local twirtles, yes. Local twirtles. Yeah, absolutely. These twirtles are local. So wherever you're performing, you'll. Local turtles. You'll the local turtles yes local turtles yeah absolutely these turtles are local so wherever you're performing you'll local turtles you'll get local turtles bolivian turtles and i

always do for edinburgh fringe i'll have the local turtles i won't be importing turtles i believe in employing local jobs for local turtles yeah she's always said that i've always said that even before she was mega famous she said this is making me sound racist i was trying to sound like supportive of but now i'm starting to think that i sound like one of those they took our jobs people you know those people who are afraid of migrants so i'm gonna i'm gonna employ local migrants turtles okay which i think is all turtles i think they're migrant yeah local migrant turtles that are come come from lower socioeconomic backgrounds. Wow. Lift them up.

Yeah. And empower them. And they're all female turtles. They're female turtles. I want to empower them to educate their families and get another go. Because successful women raise up other women. Do you know what? That is the best thing that you can do. If you're trying to improve a country's economic whatever,

the best thing you can do is empower the women. Educate the women and empower the women, yeah. Because they're better. They're just better, Matt. It's just a better use of resources. They just get stuff done. Michelle, you're really stepping on my toes here. I'm the feminist of this pod.

Okay, do you want to just get you clean saying because they're better? Because they're better. Women are better. Great job, Matt. Great job. Thank you. You're so right. It's good having an ally on the podcast. i'll take this one um women are better and um and yeah i'm willing to go anywhere i'll

speak at any event for a price and say that yeah okay if there's any big feminist events that are on i'll be on your panel julia gillard's doing her speech i think at the art center yeah great well i mean to me that feels a little inappropriate um oh does it yeah i think i should be well yeah you could go and do it you could go and do when is julia gillard ever publicly shown any sort of feminist credentials that's true it's funny oh i used to be prime minister now i want to take jobs from other feminists local turtles working in the field for, you know, years. Yeah. Yeah.

We're so lucky to have you. I'm not going to take that. I'm not going to take that kind of misogyny from her. Not now, not ever. Anyway, so technological developments have transformed the contest. Colour broadcast began in 1968. Satellite broadcast in 85 and streaming in 2000. I love streaming.

Does 2000 feel early for streaming? That's an early stream. Well, yeah. Feels early. I'd say yes. Would have been in 8-bit probably. Yeah. Was Mario on that year for Italy?

Probably. I think in live streaming, like seeing things live, is that streaming? I guess so. things live? Is that streaming? I guess so. Do they think that maybe they got Netflix really early?

Was YouTube around that early? YouTube is a streaming service. Yeah. Not 2000. I feel like YouTube was like 2006 or something. Oh, do you know what? I have no idea.

Maybe it was 2000. I don't know. I'm not a scientist so I wouldn't want to say. Wasn't like Google 99? Didn't we learn that on one of our live shows? Yeah, I believe that. Gone are the days as well of a show that lasts a couple of hours.

Since 2008, each contest is typically formed of three live television shows held over one week. Two semi-finals are held on Tuesday and Thursday, followed by the final on the Saturday. All participating countries compete in one of the two semifinals, except for the host country of that year's contest and the contest's biggest financial contributors, known as the Big Five. France, Germany, Italy, Spain, and the UK.

Do you buy your way into the final? They all automatically make it into the final every year. This taints the whole enterprise for me. The Big Five plus the host country are always into the final every year. This taints the whole enterprise for me. The big five plus the host country are always in the final. Jeez. Interesting. Isn't that? The remaining countries are split between the two semifinals

and then the 10 highest scoring entries in each qualify to add up to 26 countries competing in the final. That's amazing. Okay, so a little bit about how the show and voting works. So to answer some questions about what happens at a Eurovision show and how does voting work, I turn to a Eurovision appreciation website I found called wikipedia.org. Okay.

It says each show typically begins with an opening act consisting of music and or dance performances by invited artists, which contribute to a unique theme and identity created for that year's event. Themes that have been in place since 2002. Some of my favourite themes include 2008's Confluence of Sound and 2012's Light Your Fire.

Oh, yeah. Come on, baby. i also really enjoy the contrast between years like 2017's theme was celebrate diversity and then the next year was all aboard can't believe they didn't ask me to perform that year i just really love the ones like hey let's make the theme celebrate diversity the next year, hey, let's make the theme celebrate diversity. But this year it's like, let's make it boats. Or planes. It's very funny. I think of trains when I hear all aboard. Oh, do you?

There could be so many things. All aboard is actually quite broad. That's a boat thing. Is it normally a boat thing? All aboard. They say it in Titanic. They say it in Titanic. Oh, man. But also I think it means any, I could say, getting into my car.

Toot toot. I could say it, you know, hopping into bed and then inviting my partner into bed. I could say, all aboard. All aboard bed. Yep. Tim hops on. The dog hops on. And then I say, toot toot, and off we go.

Everyone is aboard. Everyone's aboard. And I say, careful when alighting the bed. Mind the gap. This is a bit of fun. YouTube was founded in 2005. Okay, there you go. It's for people who are...

Who are yelling at their iPods? Yeah, or just being like, when? When? When was it? Because you could be driving in your car. That's when I listened to this podcast. And you couldn't be Googling because you shouldn't be on your phone. No, absolutely not.

This is something I loved very much as well. Since 2013, the opening of the contest's final has included a flag parade with competing artists entering the stage behind their country's flag in a similar manner to the Olympic Games. Love it, love it, love it, love it. Love that. Love that so much.

Viewers are welcomed by one or more presenters who provide key updates during the show. They're like the hosts. They conduct interviews with competing acts in the green room they guide the voting procedure in english and french they need to be able to speak both that's one of the criteria for the hosts you have to be able to speak english and french i love that i love that about french people that they're like no it's the language that we speak and you will all speak it yeah absolutely not as they should i love it so much.

Yeah. And then English speaking people are like, oh, can't you speak English? And they're like, yes. Can you speak French, please? Fuck you. Like, I love that attitude. I love the, yeah. I also don't speak French.

So, like, I obviously suffer from it. But I'm trying to learn. Well, yeah. I think, like, I think as English speakers, we go anywhere in the world and we're like, you will figure out how to communicate with me. It's like, you'll figure it out. It's like, no, you came to me. Yeah.

You figure it out. I think that's very fair. Yeah. I did find in France, if you aren't very good at French, they don't want you to even try. I think it's insulting to them that you attempt it. I think with particular types of Australian accents, Matt, in particular, maybe yours might be upsetting for you to try a bit of French. Bonjour.

Oh, that's actually quite nice. What I was told was to try and say bonjour and then be like, are these in English? And then they'll usually be like, yes, I speak English. What do you need? But if you just try. If you walk up and go, hello, they're like, no, I don't speak English. Yeah, just have a bit of respect. Yeah, have a crack.

Just have a go. Have a go. We were really shocked one time in, where were we, Amsterdam? And we sat down at a cafe and the guy just brought over English menus and we were like, how did you know? He goes, yeah, right. Nah, fair enough. You were wearing an Australian flag cape.

Well, yeah. It was chilly that day. And a cork hat. It's going to be cold. It flies around. Take your cap. So, after all the songs will be performed, each country will give two sets of...

Maybe this is not explained the best. So, each country gives... They have two sets of points. Deux points. Two points. One set's given by a jury of five music industry professionals and one set given by viewers at home. And so you essentially go, like, I want to give this person one point all the way up to eight and then you have 10 and 12,

which you're like, you want to give the most points to your favourite. And, yeah, so there's two sets of that coming from each country the public vote comprises 50 of the final result alongside the views of a jury obviously the results of the voting are subsequently announced in the semi-final the 10 highest ranked countries are announced in a random order with the full results undisclosed in the final the presenters calls upon a representative spokesperson for each country to announce their jury's points while the results of the public vote are subsequently announced by the presenters so it's just like it go it sounds like one of my favorite parts of the show it sounds like it goes for a while it goes for ages yeah but it's one of

my favorite is it normally everyone kind of knows which way it's going by then or it can be a real surprise yeah it can be a surprise because it's going by then? It can be a real surprise. Yeah, wow. It can be a surprise because it's 50-50. If your audience thinks completely different to your jury, which has happened, it can just be like, it's definitely going this way, it's definitely going this way, and then it can go a different way. I mean, it's a pretty good indication,

but it is absolutely, you know, kerb balls, kerb balls. And I'm guessing that the popular vote, you can't vote for your own country as well? I don't think so, no. I can't vote for your own country as well? Yeah. I don't think so, no. I don't think so, yeah. So big expat communities would help you, maybe? Oh, yeah, true.

Yep, definitely. I think so, yeah. Definitely. But I think people vote with respect in Eurovision. Oh, that's great. Yeah, they take it as it's their honour, it's their privilege. They'll take it seriously. Yeah, I think so.

And when you win, you're brought on stage, you get a trophy, and it's usually given by the previous year's winner and then you do your winning song again. Yeah, you get to do it again, which is great because you've just been crying because you just won. You're like, you have to do it again. There's a bit less pressure on it, just be maybe a bit more joyous or something. It's very joyous, but it's always very like, oh gosh,

and if they have dancers, the dancers are really tired. They're just like, oh, it's so exciting and you're all so... I cry, I cry, obviously cry, I cry, I cry, I cry. I cry a lot. But it rarely turns into like a big break, does it? Like usually they don't go on to be household names. Is that right? Well, I think it can and I think it changes.

It changes. It depends. The rules have changed a little bit over the years. The main vocals of the competing song must be sung live on stage. However, other rules on pre-recorded musical accompaniments have changed over time. So the orchestra was really a prominent feature for the contest from 1956 to 1998.

Pre-recorded backing tracks were first allowed in the contest in 73, but under this rule, the only instrument which could be pre-recorded had to also be seen being performed on stage. So, like, if you had a drum track pre-recorded, you had to have somebody on stage miming playing the drums. Whacking away at the drums. Which I don't... Yeah, which is a bit interesting. In 97, this rule was changed to allow all instruments to be pre-recorded.

However, the host country was still required to provide an orchestra in case someone wanted to use it. Yeah. I think that's good. It keeps the orchestra employed. I love orchestras. Oh, that's true, actually, yeah. Local migrant orchestras.

Yeah. Yeah. Women. Women. Or women orchestras yeah yeah women women or women orchestras yeah or just all the most ethical orchestra you can have yeah yeah whatever version whatever that is yep um but present day rules of the contest now specify that all instrumental music should be pre-recorded and there's no live instrumentation allowed so it's changed a lot it's not allowed

everything has to be live then it was like you could have a backing track but there's no live instrumentation allowed. So it's changed a lot. It's not allowed. Wait, what? Everything has to be live. Then it was like you could have a backing track, but there's an orchestra there if you want it. And now it's like it's all. That means like that metal band that won it, they were just miming. Or the singers singing live.

Singing is always live. But they would have pre-recorded. But I mean, it does help any technical difficulties not happen. Because imagine like the technical team trying to get on one band and then another. When we did that ABC radio show earlier in the year, didn't you have some weird technical playback issue? Oh, that was horrendous. Yes.

I was like, what is this? But I blocked it from my mind. Yes. I'm glad to bring up that trauma. No, it was okay so because it was a live broadcast on the radio and so they were playing my track on the radio and this was the same i could i yeah i couldn't i didn't have a musician i just had a track and usually i would have a musician but i just had this track because it was just going to be easier

for them and they played the track on the radio but they didn't play it in my fallback speakers. So the radio could hear the track. I could not hear the track. The audience could hear some of the track, but I just had to sing and it was live. And I was like, I don't know what's going on. I have no, I cannot help you. And I just had like halfway through the song, I just had to be like i i listen this is it's

not coming out of these speakers that you can like i can't do this i'm really sorry it was horrendous um apparently heads rolled over the other brutal thing about it is that any other show just a straight music show people would be like okay she's obviously being sincere but that kind of show they're like it's a comedy show yeah and so they're like oh ha ha ha ha and i was like ha ha ha no it's awful it's really awful and then i had to hang around for ages because everyone was like oh my god are you okay and i was like i had to stay and prove that i was okay yeah like i couldn't just leave immediately i was in the green room because the producers are they were saying there's a few of them they were saying on the it might not have sounded right to you but at home it sounded so perfect and you were like don't lie to me that's not true you can't i

can't just i i'm not singing in time or in tune i can't hear the song i didn't finish it yeah heaps of people being like no no it was fine it was actually really good no one could even tell i was like i addressed the issue verbally they could all tell there was no way you couldn't get around it it was really it was really bad technical issue very very bad so yeah when things are live i can understand why they've done that yeah maybe but but it's sad it is a bit isn't it it's interesting i love an orchestra interesting how it's changed but they'll still be paying to pre-record them and they'll pre-record them specifically for the show. Yeah, you'd think they'd be like a super well-oiled machine.

Yeah. I mean, music festivals do it, but then sometimes things go wrong. There's a big change over time at music festivals. There's no change over time at Eurovision. Yeah, that's right. There's a lot of time to set up. So, yeah, and before 2020, all vocals were required to be performed live um even like backing tracks and stuff you couldn't have any vocals on a backing track it could just

be instrumentation and then ahead of the 2021 contest in an effort to make it a little more flexible to change following because it had been cancelled in 2020 they were sort of like what if people turn up and their backing dancers got COVID? Yeah. Singers got COVID or something. Yeah, and backing vocals are hard to replace. Totally. So they're like, okay, you have the option.

You can have pre-recorded backing vocals. Yeah. It's a debris slope, I'm going to tell you. It's a debris slope. Well, for my show, this comedy festival, because I had a full band, I had pre-recorded tracks of each instrument in case anyone went down. Would not have me because they would have noticed I wasn't there

because they were paying to come and see me. I would happily watch the show and every bit where you're talking is just the boys standing there in silence, just waiting, just Tim smiling at you. Tim smiling, giggling a little bit yeah and then he'll say his line still and the music

still comes in but there's no that would be a bit of fun or you just you have a big box on the stage with a question mark on it

like a Michelle sized box and then you've pre-recorded everything small petite and at the start you say this festival

some nights I'm here and some nights I'm not. Am I here tonight? Anyway, enjoy the show. It'll be revealed at the end. It'll be revealed at the end. And at the end it opens the door and it's empty. And everyone applauds. Wow.

They'll be like, wow. Wow. Because your charm and stage presence is like a tiny bit of what the show's about. It's about the writing. It's about the writing.'s about the writing it's not the performance you don't even have to turn up yeah no you're right i'm not coming in bro i don't reckon i'll go send the box yeah i'll send a box send a box and a box to the box that's my venue um okay now next is Language

So all competing entries Must include vocals And lyrics of some kind Purely instrumental pieces Have never been allowed Tommy Emmanuel Is spinning in his grave He's very upset

From He's alive isn't he Yes But he will spin in his grave One day One day I think you can still spin in your grave You turn in your grave

You can get in And have a little spin Oh that's true And then you can hop back out and just go get a coffee. Yeah, yeah. It's good to take it for a spin because you don't know if it's comfortable.

You've got to test drive it. Two, two. Yeah, two, two. You're going to be there for eternity. You're going to be there for eternity. That's what I always say.

Always try before you buy. You do say that. Specifically about graves. It is weird. Yeah. I'm really into them. Go on Edinburgh. Heaps of churchyards

Kirkyards Go check them out Love it Greyfriar Bobbies Love it Looking forward to it Love an old Scottish graveyard Oh gorgeous

Went to one In Where my ancestors were And it was just like Full of Stuarts I'm like this is sick Yeah it's so cool So good

Last guy Killed for Like capital punishment there was a Stuart. Wow. What did he do? No, don't worry. I don't want to know. Was it something bad? I think he was maybe too charming.

Too charming, too sexy. We've got to kill this guy. It's too much. None of us other fellas have got a chance. It's really tough. They put him in a box. Yeah, that's right. They put him in a box. Yeah, that's right. Didn't even let him test it out first.

So language. From 56 to 65, there were no rules in place to dictate which language a country could perform in. However, all entries up until 1964 were performed in one of the country's national languages. In 65, Sweden broke this tradition by performing in english and a new language rule was subsequently introduced for the 66 contest for all competing countries preventing entries from being performed in any other language other than one of like other

than one of their recognized national languages so they like sweden the rules changed because sweden was in English and they were like, nah, it's got to be one of your languages. That's crazy. It's very weird. They didn't want Sweden poaching all the English-speaking votes. Shut up. If Sweden can speak English, let them sing in English.

Yeah, that's very strange. It's very strange. And that happened the same year the Saints won their one and only premiership. I know. Wild, wild coincidence. The language rule was abolished in 73, allowing all participating countries to sing in the language of their choice. Okay, so I want to make a case for Tommy Emanuel.

His language of choice is the guitar. Yeah, you're right. You're not wrong. He makes it sing. He does. That's true. Live. So, yeah.

Well, okay, so they got rid of the rule. Then they brought it back in 1977 saying, no, you can't be, it's got to be one of your national languages. It's so weird. And then they abolished it again in 99. And since the abolition of the language rule, the large majority of entries at each year's contest are now performed in English.

Yeah, I think, I guess that's the... Or like partially English. I sort of get it then why they, it feels like they were stopping it from being all English. Which probably maybe does take something away from the international vibe of it. Well, you can still, like, people usually will sing in a combination. Yeah. Except for the English people.

Yeah. Although sometimes it's very just like ding dong, ding bidong dong, you know, English. Yeah. Although sometimes it's very just like ding dong ding be dong dong. You know English. Yeah. Love English. It seems it does ebb and flow a little bit nowadays. At the 2017 contest only four songs didn't contain any English lyrics and one of those songs actually won. Toot toot. It's fun.

Portugal's Salvador Sobral's victory in that year's contest was a song in Portuguese, which meant in the 2018 contest saw an increased number of entries in languages other than English. Hell yeah. A trend which is repeated in 2019. So it's like more recently countries are like,

all right, we'll sing in our language. Yeah. Whatever. It really doesn't matter. Sing in whatever language you want to sing in. Yeah. You do you. You do you, babe.

Oh my God, yes. Thank you. Thank you for summing it up. That's exactly what I meant. You do you. I'm in 20. You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything.

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were all won by non-English songs for the first time since 1995. 2021. Isn't that cool? Who won 2021? I don't know. Michelle, no, that was last year. No.

No. Secret. I'm starting to wonder if you're the super fan. I just said I like it. No, I do know who won in 2021. Hang on. She knows. She's just got to look it up on her phone.

Normally, like it makes the news here, the winner normally. It'll be on the next day's news. Yeah. But I don't watch the news. Oh, I do. No, yes, it was Italy. And it was, yeah, that was amazing, actually. As the winner bloody should be.

That was very good. Did they sing, Ecca la bocca, boka, boka? No. I don't know what that means but that was a song we learned in... No, they did not do that.

I'm so sorry. I think it was like a band. I think they had, I guess, fake instruments, I think, if I'm remembering them correctly. Ah.

But I could be wrong so don't be mad at me. Don't be mad. Wish they would stop being mad at Michelle. Yeah, cut it out. Don't be mad at me. Stop it.

Another big show, a big part of the show is the interval act. Half-time. Half-time show. What, do they have little kids go out there, play kick-to-kick? It often includes a well-known personality from the host country. It'll be a bit of a local celeb. Sometimes it'll include surprise performances from previous winners. Sometimes it'll be completely performances from previous winners sometimes

it'll be completely different um in 2010 the interval was very time appropriate it was a flash mob oh strippers yeah that's very there's people in the audience like dancing but then also cut to videos of people all over europe performing the dance oh i remember that remember that. There were flash mobs. Yeah, I remember this video. So good. One year they did planking. In 94, Ireland had won the year prior and was hosting the contest in Dublin.

And that was the year that 300 million people tuning in got to see Michael Flatley and Jean Butler take to the stage for a seven-minute performance that changed Irish dancing forever. That's pretty cool. Oh, that was where it took off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow.

Well, that's where Riverdance took off, not Irish dancing, but that's been around for a while. But I took this part directly from my Riverdance report. The performance went off without a hitch and was met with a standing ovation from the 3,000 people in the audience. An audio recording of Riverdance entered the Irish singles chart at number one on the 5th of May 1994. Love it.

And remained there throughout the summer, keeping Wet Wet Wet's Love Is All Around off the top. Sucked in Wet Wet Wet, you can't dance. I love it. I love Riverdance. I love, yeah, good fun. Very good fun. In Edinburgh, they had a halftime show that I think was the military tattoo.

Ah. Which is the most, like, that's a very Scottish thing to do. But they're like, we've got it right here. Yeah. It's ready to go. We're in Edinburgh. What do you think Australia would have? Husey, maybe?

Husey, yeah. Bootman. I'm very excited. No, you're a great crowd crowd It's good to be here I love it Husey I love him He's the best

He's so good He's such a nice man He's very funny He's great Yeah I reckon Husey and the Bootman Would be a great Husey and the Bootman

I'd have Adam Garcia I'd bring him back Yeah bring him back Bring him back for Bootman From Coyote Ugly Bring back Adam back for boot band From Coyote Ugly Bring back Adam Garcia Is there even a Coyote Ugly guy? I wish there was Nicole Kidman

Doing that song that she did In Moulin Rouge Yeah Which one? Diamonds are a girl's best friend Yes A kiss on the hand maybe Quite continental

That's my Nicole Kidman singing I think that would make sense Diamonds are a girl's best friend Yeah Hugh Hugh Jackman F, Hugh Jackman. Fonzie. Hugh Jackman.

Fonzie. Olivia Newton-John. Fonzie. Fonzie. Olivia Newton-John. The victory. The victory. If we had like Yothu Yindi, that would have been amazing.

Remember Yothu Yindi performing at the Paralympics or the Pan Pacifics or something? That was one of the best performances I ever saw in my whole life. Very cool. The singer's passed away, I think, unfortunately. Yes, yes. But that's what we should have done. That's what we should have done. Well, I don't think we were even in Eurovision.

I think we're going to have to host it soon. You know, with that... Everyone has to come here. The drift. Everyone from Europe has to come here. All the continents are drifting. Yeah. How long before we're touching Europe?

Yuck. Can't be far. Yucky. We're edging towards Europe. It's taken a while. Taken a while. But we have the patience. And yeah, when we get there, yeah, maybe the tin lids.

Tin lids. Farnsies kids. Yeah, bring back the tin lids. I like to think that one year they'll let Aunty Donna do it and that I'll be able to do that. That would be really funny. And I imagine Australia being upset at that. Oh, very much so.

I imagine me enjoying it quite a lot. Whatever's chosen, I can't imagine. Australia would be so upset. Yeah. Who's that? I've never heard of them. The AFL, Grand Final Entertainment every year has people complaining. No matter what.

Was it Jet that played Are You Gonna Be My Girl twice? Was it Jet? It was somebody who played their hit twice. And I was like, this is great. That's what they want. They just want your hit. They don't want to hear your other songs. Just give them that.

I saw Vanilla Ice do that at a festival. I think it was like V Festival or something. Vanilla Ice started and finished with Ice Ice Baby. Yeah, so you should. It's fine. Who cares? That's what people want. I love it.

They don't give a shit. I love it. Encore. Encore. I'm going to talk about some Eurovision controversies now. Ooh, mama. There's some fun ones. It's, you know, Eurovision is certainly not without its drama.

Johnny Drama. That's... Johnny Drama. Is that you, Jess? Me, yes. Drama is, like, it's very much part of the fun. And a controversial political gesture played out at the Eurovision stage in 2000 when Israel's entrance, Ping pong, finished their song Be Happy

by unfurling Syrian flags and calling for peace to the shock of many in their home country. Israel's broadcasting authority disowned the entry, but the truth eventually emerged that two of the group were journalists who wrote about cultural affairs for a newspaper and they confessed that they entered Eurovision as a joke, although they ended up beating 83 other entries along the way. Yeah, that's amazing.

With their song Be Happy. Be Happy. Ping pong. Ping pong. Yeah, wow. I like using it for political things. I think that's nice. I don't like how they're not into it.

Eurovision isn't into it. Like that guy on Big Brother who taped his mouth. Yeah. Free the refugees. That was great. And Gretel Colleen was so funny. She tried her absolute best. She was like, well, do you want to speak about it? And he was like, no, I've got tape on my

face. But she was like, you can speak about the issue now. You've got the platform. You can speak. Now would be the time. And he was just like, I've committed to this. The tape will hurt if I take it off. I didn't shave before I put the tape on yeah it's gonna pull out hair yeah it's gonna be all red and it's gonna look bad yeah this is very funny in that particular time as well where you know yeah just he probably should have spoken he probably should have but he did a good good

thing yeah and it's very interesting how like I was watching a documentary. It was a BBC documentary so it was very much focused on the English entrance of Egypt but they were kind of talking about like there was footage of this old guy and it was black and white footage so it was ages ago and he was talking about how like, you know, Eurovision used to be about music and now it's just all – it was very much like the same vibe that Triple J gets of like, Triple J was good when I was within the age bracket that it's designed for.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's no good anymore because I'm older. And you're like, uh-huh. This is everything. Of course. They do that at footies or what? People think 90s. And people hear this now being like, but it was better in the 90s.

I think, well, in other ways it's just changed and it's still very good and kids today love it like you loved it in the 90s. That's right. But they're like, no, that's not why. Yeah. But it used to just be like, you know, one person would walk out on the stage and sing their song with the orchestra and off they'd go and then it became more like, and somebody summed it up really well

that it's like there's, know 40 different countries participating and you get to the final this 26 that's a lot of performances you need to be memorable it's exciting and so having a gimmick having an anchor as he called it was just something memorable so it's you're not just going to be like i really liked italy's song you're going to be like, oh, that's right, yeah, the woman in that bright red dress. She was on fire. Yeah. And she could fly. Exactly.

You're like, yeah, I remember that performance. Yeah. And it's also why it's become more and more popular. Totally. It's drag. It's all camp. It's very camp. And I love it.

I love high concept. Yeah, and people love it. But it's different to what I like. Yeah. Okay. And it's different to how it was when it started 50 years ago. Yeah. Tough.

It's hard, isn't it, change? People like that even with individual bands. You know, they'll go in a different direction. Yeah. And they're like, what the hell is this? I liked the songs they wrote when they were 14 and I was 14. Yeah, yeah. They should do the same thing forever and never grow as artists.

Never. Like Daniel Johns' Silverchair, I think, had exactly that a lot. Yeah, all the time. I watched a documentary he was on when Straight Lines was out and he was like, I was sitting in a park and someone came up to me and went, Frogstomp, what's happened? And he's like, oh, a lot. I'm an adult.

I was 14 at the time. Now I'm 20-something. That's wild. Why aren't you still doing the same thing I liked once I was listening to Triple J on the way over and

and loving every second of it and loving every second of it and the presenter actually said something like that it was a fill in guy I can't

not sure who it was but he's like I don't really understand that when people just want a band to sound the same every album they don't like them

exploring it's like you've still got those other albums you can listen to them as much as you like i feel the same about sequels when people are oh you ruined it with a sequel or with a remake it's like no it's the same they didn't like yeah cut it up and then paste it in a different it's the same you can still they didn't take the movie you like and delete it from netflix yeah it's still uploaded And upload it on DVD. Unless you're talking about the original Star Wars trilogy. And I think...

Didn't the guy go back and reanimate things and change things? And that pissed off people? Oh, I guess that's probably... It made Jabba the Hutt bigger or something? That's probably upsetting if you do change it. But I don't care about... But either way... If there's one thing Star Wars fans hate,

it's fucking Star Wars. They hate it. They hate it. They hate it so much. It's like there's so many Star Wars things and they like two of them. Yes. You don't like Star Wars and you just have to accept that. Yeah, move on.

Try Marvel. Try Marvel. Good fun. There's so many of them. Oh, a bit of fun. Another controversy, another Israel one as well, was in 1998 when transgender singer Dana International was set to represent Israel in Eurovision.

Her inclusion in the contest led to some conservative religious groups in Israel protesting in the streets of Israel. She received death threats, had a police escort and security on hand during her time in the UK at the contest. However, she didn't give a shit, won the contest in 1998, cementing Eurovision as a celebratory space for the LGBTQA plus people. Is that 1998? Yes.

That's awesome. Huge, right? That's amazing. And they were from Israel? Yeah. So their own country was protesting it. I guess it would be weird. Probably not all her own country. Everyone in Israel was protesting. So their own country was protesting it. I guess it would be weird. Probably not all her own country.

Everyone in Israel was protesting. Every single person. How did they coordinate that? Yeah, they're really organized. Wow. Pretty amazing. Kind of like mandatory voting, I guess. Right.

Mandatory protesting. Exactly right. But yeah, 98. It feels early, doesn't it? I guess. It is early. Yeah, it's great. The language around it then is pretty rough.

International is a great surname. Yeah. Stana International. It really feels like if you're born into the international family, you're destined for big things. Surely. Travel, for starters. Travel, airports.

That is absolute nominative determinism. Stana International, never left the country. Real homebody. Hello, Jess International. Like international roast sort of thing. You only ever see that in a pantry. Rarely see that travelling. God, it sucks.

One of the most iconic winners in recent years has been a bearded drag performer, Conchita Wurst, who won for Austria in 2014. She was... That was... Conchita Wurst. It was stunning. Conchita Wurst. It was stunning.

That's an act I reckon broke through to the mainstream. Yeah. Totally. Absolutely. Part of the zeitgeist. Great voice. Incredible voice. An incredible performance.

Yeah. It's one of those performances I still remember, like I remember watching it and I remember being like, I've sung that song at events. I love the song. It's incredible. I'd say beard a little overrated though. Great voice. People talk about the beard a lot.

Yeah. It was a well-maintained beard. It was a well-maintained beard. It was a well-maintained beard. The hair was more impressive than the beard. The hair was stunning. Very sleek. Stunning gown.

Definitely used a leave-in conditioner, I reckon. Absolutely. Using products. There's a Dyson Airwrap in that for sure. Big time. I used to work at a supermarket and the manager had like really silky sort of long hair. And he, very nice guy,

but I remember someone came through and he was over the other end and the guy whispered to me, he goes, but he uses a leave-in conditioner. That's such a funny comment. I just thought it was so funny. It's so funny. Like, I'm just like, yeah, somebody's seeing somebody else

and thinking so much about their hair. It's very funny. He uses a bloody leave-in conditioner. I didn't know what it meant, but I'm like, yeah, I reckon. You use a bloody low-end conditioner. I didn't know what it meant, but I'm like, yeah, I reckon. So, yeah, Conchita Wurst won the contest by 52 points, despite initial expectations that the act would be too controversial in socially conservative countries.

In fact, in a doco I saw, apparently some countries said they wouldn't show Conchita's performance on TV. And apparently the governing body of Eurovision said, yes, you are. You either broadcast the entire show as it is or you don't broadcast at all. Hell yeah, Eurovision. And they set their ground on that, which is kind of cool.

A lot of controversies are political. Either contestants make political statements or countries refuse to broadcast or support contestants from countries that they're currently fighting with. So Jordan broadcast the Eurovision Song Cont contest for the first time in 1978 um one of several low points in their relationship with israel jordan refused to broadcast the israeli entry switched the signal off while they were performing and instead showed pictures of flowers two pictures of flowers here's some pictures of flowers later when voting showed that israel winning, they cut the transmission and announced to their local audience

that Belgium was the winner. Wow. Belgium came second, but they're like, no, Belgium won. Oh, my gosh. Belgium won. Wow. So, I'm guessing that they would have had the rights taken off them the next year? I don't know.

I'm not sure. What year did you say they... That was 1978. And the other time was more recent or something. I don't know about Jordan. Oh, yeah, the other time was when Israel said they wouldn't show it or something. Didn't you just say the thing just before this was about Eurovision saying, no, you show it all, you don't show it at all?

Yeah, that was in 2014. Right, so maybe back then they didn't put their foot down so much. I mean, yeah, they couldn't put their foot down at the time. They don't know at the time that Jordan's just in their country choosing to just... But maybe the next year they'd be like, one more chance. No more flowers. No more flowers. And it feels like it would have been quite obvious that they're cutting in going,

and sorry, yeah, we're here to tell you the winner. Don't worry that I'm a different guy from the guy that was just on. Yeah. The winner's Belgium. Yeah. Israel looked like they were about to win, but they weren't. But they didn't. They lost all their points.

Yeah. Lost them. They lost them. They had them in a bucket, and they lost the bucket. So they don't get them. They lost the bucket. They don't get them. Because that would have hurt their chances a little, Israel.

Because, I mean, I don't know if Jordan would have voted for them anyway, but not seeing them, they wouldn't have been able to. Well, I think the public wasn't voting back then. Where were they? 78, I don't know. Good year, 78. 78, I don't know. Georgia also found themselves embroiled in controversy in 2009

with their attempt to send a disco number by band Stefan and 3G. It was in the aftermath of the Russian-Georgian War. The song was entitled We Don't Wanna Put In. It was questioned for its very clearly political lyrics, taking a stab at Putin. Oh, yes, Putin. We don't wanna put in. We don't wanna putain.

What's the food we were talking about before? It doesn't matter. Georgia was given the chance to submit an alternative song, but they just chose to withdraw from the competition altogether. They're like, you can't have this one. It's clearly a stab at point. Do you want to put in a different song? And Georgia's like, no.

No, bye. Which I think is quite funny. Don't worry about it. I'm busy. Actually can't come. I was joking. Despite being one of the longest ever participants in Eurovision, Belgium has only ever won the contest once

with Sandra Kim's Je M'Avis back in 1986. I've not heard that. It caused a minor stir after it was revealed that she was in fact only 13 years old. Oh, Jesus Christ. Not 16 like it had been reported at the time. She was a 13-year-old kid. Oh, 16, still normal.

That's normal. That's fine. Exploit her. Yeah, 16, that's fine. 13, absolutely not. 16, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When you said cause a stir, were you like everyone was going, wow, she's 13, so talented?

Or they were like, how dare you? Was it a sexy song? Well, no, it wasn't a sexy song. It was just that they had the – Oh, they lied to get her across the board. I don't even... I don't know. I don't know if Belgium had...

Yeah, I guess they must have. They probably did, yeah. But Switzerland, who'd finished second, petitioned to have the song disqualified unsuccessfully. And to this date, Sandra remains the youngest ever contest winner. Wouldn't you feel like rubbish if that protest worked? Like, oh, you've won now. Because we took it off the child. Yeah, exactly. And then you're like rubbish if that protest worked? Like, you've won now because we took it off the child.

Yeah, exactly. And then you're like tearing it out of her hands. Here you go. You'd feel good about that. Well done, you're the big winner. Her performance inspired other youngsters as well. In 89, the contest had two contestants representing Israel and France who were aged 11 and 12 respectively.

So young. And this caused controversy owing to the pressure the competition placed on the children to perform at such a massive stage. And following an outpouring of complaints, the minimum age was set at 16 years old. So Sandra will hold that title of youngest person to win probably forever. That's awesome. Well done.

I don't see them going, you know what? Let's have 10-year-olds in. Let them in. Sandra did it. Why don't we get going, you know what? Let some 10-year-olds in. Let them in. Sandra did it. Why don't we get Nikki Webster to perform next time? Yeah. Yeah. It'd be great.

We could have our own kid. Well, she's in her 30s now. Australia's kid, Nikki Webster. Nikki Webster's kid. No, Nikki Webster. What? Nikki Webster, the kid from, don't you remember? She was on the Sydney Olympics.

No, I do remember. The kid from the 2000 Sydney Olympics. Yeah, we should get her up. If Olympics. Yeah, we should get her up. If they like kids, we should get her up. We should get her up. She's probably one of our best kids. Yes, yeah, she is. One of the best kids we've got.

We should send her out. Ship her out. All aboard, toot toot. Is she a bit young though? She's a bit young. I think she's about 14. She was probably about 14. I think she's too young.

13, 14. Well, if we get to host it, we change the rules to 14 and up. And we send out Nikki Webster. Deploy the troops. That just means send out Nikki Webster. Yeah, send out Nikki Webster. Deploy the troops, please. That's Nikki Webster and her hit song, Strawberry Kisses.

They're the troops. Mission, wishing, kissing your strawberry kisses. What does it mean? That's our Nick Webster and her hit song Strawberry Kisses. They're the troops. Mission Wishing Kissing Your Strawberry Kisses. What does it mean? Strawberry Kisses? Yeah. They're my... I've said this before. Is that like strawberry chapstick on?

No, that's the nickname of my nipples. Nipples, yeah. So that's why I thought it was something sexy. It is a sexy thing. I remember when it came out and everyone was like, oh, Strawberry Kisses. It is a sexy thing. I remember when it came out and everyone was like,

oh, strawberry kisses. It was like a fun euphemism for when someone has their period and then you have to do a sex on their mouth, a mouth sex on their... Really? Yes. And Nikki Webster had a hit song about that. Yes. That has to be one of those backdated sort of well when it came out it was

everyone really was like oh my god yeah oh everyone at your school well that's definitely true my school my school the center of culture my school in the teen pregnancy capital of australia my school yeah yeah and it's also very true that someone was so stressed in an exam that they put pencils in their nose i've never heard that i don true that someone was so stressed in an exam that they put pencils in their nose. I've never heard that. I don't know if that was a big school one. Maybe that was just at my school. Yeah, maybe it was just at your school.

I'm being accused of lying. No, I'm not accusing you of lying. Shut up, Matt. I've got a wee. I'm accusing you of believing children, and you should never do that. I was a – oh, my God. Never believe children. If any children ever confide in you,

do not believe them. Especially not Nicky Webster. They're conniving. They're full of shit. I do not believe them. I don't trust them. There's a few big names that you might not realise were contestants at Eurovision in the early days of their careers,

including Cliff Richards. Cool. I didn't know that. He represented the UK singing Congratulations in 1968. He was the bookmaker's favourite to win, but Spanish contestant Maciel pipped him to the title by one point. One point. That's tight.

Yeah. Now, remind me, Cliff Richards, what's one of his songs? Hey, it's me, Cliff Richards. Okay. I think that's one of his. Is he the Living Doll guy? Constantly will sink. Living doll. I actually don't know that song. of his songs um hey it's me cliff richards okay i think that's one of his living doll guys will sing living doll i actually don't know that song i've never heard this before in my life big fan big fan of that song we don't talk anymore

we don't talk anymore than a living doll. Yeah, you got it. That's the one. That's Cliff Richards. So he's not a living doll guy. I don't know that song. He sang it with the Young Ones, whoever that was. Don't know.

Someone whose name is like Cliff Richards. Okay. All right, I believe you. Did a child tell you that? A child told me that at your school. There was also Katrina and the Waves. The band is best known for their 85 Heat Walking on Sunshine. Walking on Sunshine.

Let me finish a sentence and you might know the name of the song. So imagine the surprise of the audience at the 1997 Eurovision contest when the group won the contest for the UK with Love Shines a Light. So their biggest hit was in 85. They were in Eurovision in 97. I love that. I love that. Huge.

Katrina and the Waves, is that what you said? Yes. There's somebody else who did that, but I'm not going to bring it up because you'll bring it up, but keep going. Do you reckon? What if I don't? You're going to bring it up. I can see it on your page.

Okay, great. I'm like, oh, no. Have I missed a big one? I've had a little squeeze. Okay, great. Yeah, so Katrina and the Waves won, and they won by like a record at the time margin of 70 points. Whoa.

Huge. Bonnie Tyler. Incredible. Is she Total Eclipse. Incredible. Is she Total Eclipse of the Heart? Yeah. Welsh singer, best known for hits like Total Eclipse of the Heart, Holding Out for a Hero, represented the UK in 2013. She's an 80s

star. I heard that as 1913. I was like, how old? But you clearly said 2013. You're like, wow. Holy shit. I thought like, how old? But you clearly said 2013. You're like, wow. Holy shit. I thought this started in the 50s. I've been listening, I swear.

Yeah, 2013, Believe in Me, coming 19th out of 26 entrants. Incredible. So star power doesn't necessarily give you an edge. No, it doesn't. Sometimes people... Unless you're U2. give you an edge. No, it doesn't. Sometimes people... Unless you're U2. Ooh. The edge.

That's a fun gag. That's a fun gag. Is that the one you thought I was going to say? No. Okay, great. Unless you're regional FM station 90.5 The Edge. There was also Tattoo.

Russian Teenagers. Is that the song that was famous there? Yeah. There was that and Oh yeah, yes. I do remember that. They're not going to get us as my favourite. Up the octave.

You can't hear women. That high. I'm not a dog. Do you remember? I do remember that. They're Not Gonna Get Us is my favourite. Up the octave, you can't recognise the song. That high. I'm not a dog. Do you remember? A bit shrill. How can you tell which girl's talking? I also love Not Gonna Get Us.

Do you know that one? Oh. Maybe. They're not gonna get us. Not gonna love ya. It does ring a bell. Like driving a truck. One of my favourite songs still to this day. Weren't they controversially not actually sisters or something?

No, they were set up as lesbians, but they weren't. Well, okay, so here's the thing. They were set up as a couple and sold to us as young lesbians. And then when one of them got pregnant, everyone was like, they're not lesbians, but nobody's ever, like, that was a while ago as well, and no one's ever gone, oh, hang on, maybe she was bi right like because it was at the time of like oh now we're okay with lesbians but if you're bi then we don't

believe you yeah there was that in that time period and lesbians can't get pregnant lesbians can't get pregnant how would a lesbian do that it's not possible and also i don't think they were people were fully okay with lesbians at the time either no that's probably true that is yeah that is probably true but i remember because yeah i'm being very excited by it when i was little i was like oh my god i'm there yeah it's a girl that i used to date a bit when i was young and we used to listen to this song because we were like this is us we're them should we start a band yeah and um no we didn't start a band and we didn't stay together at all. Now I've got a boyfriend.

So we were fake. It was fake. It was for publicity. It was all fake. You have to choose. Everyone knows. You have to choose. There are two sexualities and two genders.

Everyone knows. Everyone knows that. I'm just joking. I'm joking. You're mad at me. Tatu had already attracted a lot of attention in 2002 with their song All The Things She Said. It hit the top of the charts in Australia, Denmark, Germany, Ireland, Italy, Japan, New Zealand, Norway, Switzerland and the UK.

Incredible. It was massive. The music video caused controversy due to the members kissing behind a fence. But people also now I think kind of go, it's because they were 17 at the time. That was the main issue we had with it. It wasn't the – but it's like that was not what was reported at the time.

17-year-olds are allowed to kiss each other. You can kiss. If one of them was 78, then it's a little issue. Then he better be a billionaire. Let me tell you. I was a long way into saying 17 again. 78. No, I mean, we got that, but I think you saved it very well.

No good. I was trying to pick any number that was. 17. How have I landed on the. 78. That's what your face did. So, yeah, they'd caused like, they weren't to number one, caused a bit of controversy.

They represented Russia at Eurovision in 2003 and they placed third. So it's not bad, I suppose. I remember it being sad and I remember the performance not being that good. They didn't sing very well live. I don't think it was great, yeah. But I was very excited that they were on there and then they didn't do... Their backing track was spot on though. Backtrack was spot on.

Yeah, didn't miss a beat. In 1988, a little-known French-Canadian 20-year-old singer named Celine Dion... Shut up. I've heard of her. ...sang on behalf of Switzerland. She won the contest by a single point. Went on to become one of the best-selling female singers in the world.

Did she win it with a song that people know now? Oh, it's a fucking good song. I don't know. It wasn't like one of her famous ones or anything. It's in French. Is it mostly in French? And then it might have a bit of English. It was at Don Quixote, darling, Don Quixote.

Is that German? Mm. Yeah. Yeah. That's not French. But it's like it starts as a bit of a ballad. I watched this on YouTube and stuff. I wanted to play like clips of the songs.

I thought that would really add to your appreciation of your vision, but you need licenses to do that. But definitely go check out the Celine Dion song because it starts kind of ballady and it's still really beautiful and then it gets to the chorus and it gets like the pace quickens a little bit and even she starts to like click a little bit it's more disco and dancing and it really it shows off her voice it's great i love a clicker it's really good clicky song low clicks my favorite kind of click yeah she's kind of doing a side click which i quite like it's not bad it's very casual it's very casual it's like it wasn't planned she's just

sort of doing it she's not even planned this and the casual. It's very casual. It wasn't planned. She's just sort of doing it. Her producer's off the side in the wings going, what is she doing? Did she clear this with you? We did not rehearse this. She's throwing it away. Another one that I did not know, Olivia Newton-John. What? Although Australia rightfully claims her,

she was actually born in the UK Moved to Australia as a kid And she represented her country of birth in the 74 contest With a song called Long Live Love Which is a great message Long Live Love Olivia Newton Jarnsey Kahn Jarnsey She placed fourth

And perhaps she would have ended up in a higher position Had it not been the same year That ABBA competed. Solidifying themselves as a poster children and most famous group to come out of Eurovision. Do either of you know what song they sing? Yes. What is it? Waterloo.

Correct. I don't know why I know that. It is Waterloo. Yeah. So that's a great question with the Celine Dion. It's like, was it a song we know? Because ABBA, still one of their most famous songs would be Waterloo and that was their 1974 three 1974 god and was that the English one that caused controversy nah I don't think so because one of the Sweden did an English one at some point yeah

I think that was early this is after that this is after i don't know doesn't matter but um yeah and like i've watched the performance as well and i mean i mean waterloo is a great song and it starts like i don't know it's like it just it comes out swinging waterloo as a song it's like and then they they're straight in and it's like oh it, it's really good. It's a song about war. Did they do a big kiss at the end? It's really good. It's a fucking great song. ABBA's very good. They're so good.

I'll say it. Like musically, I was listening to Waterloo as I was researching this topic and I had to interrupt my partner sitting next to me. He's just trying to work. And I was like, shut up for a second. I need to talk to you about ABBA for a bit. Because musically, there's so much going on in every song there's so many amazing things the harmonies are good harmonies are stunning the winner takes it all is one of the best songs in

the world when all is said and done oh my god oh my god it's just so many good ones do you hear the drums fernando absolutely yes i do thank you for asking thank you for checking in thanks yeah no i do are they too low on the mix or Have you got them? Yeah, can you hear it? Turn up the snare in my drums. In my cans. Fernando is the engineer. Can I get more drums in my cans, Fernando? And then he said, wait, say that again.

Now sing it. That's good. So, yeah, they won Eurovision for Sweden And the group went on To become One of the most popular Record artists Of all time

Although Much like the Beatles They had a relatively short Sort of career span Did they? I think it was like Ten-ish years Oh I didn't realise

And then they Officially split up Gimme gimme gimme That's a banger I didn't realise Until recently That Madonna has a song and the whole good thing about her song is the bit that she's taken

from Gimme, Gimme, Gimme. Every little thing that I say to you, I'm hung up. I'm hung up on you. I mean, it's a good song, but so much of the work's being done by that sample. Exactly right. Yeah, they're very good. And I think it's a bit like a lot of the music of that time,

same with like Cher and like even I would say Dolly Parton, even though that's sort of a different genre of music, went through a phase where people were like, it's lame to like it or it's like it's a bit naff or whatever. It's very good music. Yeah. It's great stuff. Yeah.

It's amazing. Yeah, that happens with a lot of, I wonder if that'll happen. I reckon the kind of genre of that at the moment is like U2 and stuff. I wonder if that'll bounce back. I don't know. Because everyone loves to hate U2 these days. I think it'll bounce back. I think it'll bounce back too.

It's just a... Coldplay. Coldplay, yeah. It's about the people... Fix You's stunning. Fix You's incredible. I think it's the people who are of a certain age, maybe slightly older than it was meant for.

Yeah. And they're the ones who are like, that's lame. Yeah. Yeah. And then they grow out and the young kids who weren't too cool for it, when they get older, that's when it bounces back maybe. Yeah, maybe, yeah. Yeah, when you never went through the phase where you made fun of it.

Yeah. And you hear it and you're like, this is cool. Yeah. This is vintage. This is cool. We quite recently had a like a version uh king stingray came in and did a cover of cole plays yellow and like yeah the reaction is sort of like it's actually a very good song it's an amazing cover they've really made it their own but

it's actually yeah it's actually great i think so i think that what didn't that go high on the hottest 100 at the time maybe yellow. But yeah, it did become... I'm not sure. They did become very uncool. Yeah, it would have. Yeah. But it's one of the best concerts I've ever seen in my life was Coldplay. That makes sense.

I reckon the Bee Gees is another band that that's happened to. They were seen as being very lame, but now I think they're... You're a bit naff and then you're cool. Yeah. That's the way it goes. The people who think they're too cool for certain kinds of music are probably the least cool people such yeah you're just babies shut up just listen to what you like do you like it you're actually really uncool it's actually cooler to

be not cool well the the penultimate thing i have to share with you is, of course, Australia's involvement. We love a link to Australia. Australia has long been a fan of Eurovision. SBS has broadcast the show every year since 1983. And Australia were initially invited to take part in, to take, Australia were initially invited to take to the Eurovision stage as the non-competing interval act in the second semi-final of the 2014 contest. Shoot for the stars.

Tommy Emanuel got his go. Yeah. Is that when Tommy got a go? Tommy got a go. Yeah, it was very exciting. No, Jess Malboy. Jessica Malboy. Oh, from Australian Idol, tying it back.

There we go. Or was she from one of the other ones? The two great song contests. She might have been from X-Files. No, she might have been The Voice. She was from X-Files. You're right. She's from X-Files.

There's so many of these freaking shows. Pop stars. No, it was Australian Idol. Was she in Bardo? She was in Bardo with Sophie Monk. Jessica Mowboy performed the song Sea of Flags. In 2015, Australia were invited to compete for the first time. So exciting.

To commemorate Eurovision's 60th anniversary, sending Guy Sebastian. Classic. Who performed a song called Tonight Again. Initially, it was like a one-off participation just for their 60th anniversary. Hey, let's let Australia in. That'll be fun and cute just as a one-off.

But then they kind of extended it. We're confirmed to participate until at least 2023. So we might get one more go or we might get more. We do pretty well. Yeah, we do all right. And we're such a big audience for the competition. That's true, yeah. So it's a good financial way.

And they're like, oh, if we take it away from them now, they might be upset. They'll be upset. They'll start watching. Yeah, you can't let us in and then be like, no. Yeah, I mean. Because like, why? Oh, the rules?

You just changed them to let us in. Yeah, change them again. Dumb. In 2016, Dami Im came runner up with her performance of Sound of Silence. Absolutely stunning. Incredible song. She was amazing. Sat on a big box.

She's got an incredible voice. Great voice. It was the highest an Aussie actor's ever reached, which is pretty cool. Have all of them been, because have all of our contestants been, to this point, reality show contestants? To this point in the report, yes. To this point. Or Guy Sebastian and Jessica Mowboy. Because I know Montaigne, I don't know, has Montaigne been on any of those shows?

No. But yeah, but those first three were all. Was Dami in? Yeah. I didn't know that Has Montaigne been on any of those shows? No. But those first three were all... Was Dami Im? Yeah. I didn't know that. She was The Voice. Right. I don't know.

I don't watch the shows because they make me cross. Yeah, Dami Im was The Voice, I'm 90% sure. That probably makes sense. Anyway, she is The Voice. What a great voice. Absolutely stunning. Vocals. Cop that Fonzie.

TV show The X Factor. I beg your pardon. X Factor. X Factor. X Factor. Okay. X Factor. Mulder and Scully.

Love those guys. I want to believe. And then in 2017, Isaiah performed Don't Come Easy. That's also reality. Yeah. Was he an X Factor? One of them. They're all the same.

Yeah. But yeah, reality TV. That's crazy. I wonder what that is. I guess they're just used to that world already. Maybe. Or maybe it's like they want it to be somebody recognisable to the Australian audience.

But not internationally huge. Oh, right. And they're known. But you can go big. So, like, why not send, I don't know. Nicole Kidman, listen to me. Send her. Let her do it.

Let her do it. She's so good. She's so tall. Why haven't we sent Farnsie? We've got to send Farnsie. Farnsie's busy. 2018 Jessica Maboy returned with We Got Love. So there's no rules about going back.

Well, she just performed in the first one. Oh, yes. That's right. Yeah, that was an interval. Right. This one she actually got to compete. 2019, we had Kate Miller-Heidke, which was stunning. Incredible.

And that performance took the, you know, the poles that they were like swinging on. That's from a show that is made by an Australian theatre company. Cirque du Soleil. It's not Cirque du Soleil, I don't think, but it is something similar. Cirque du Australie. Yeah, it was one of those big Spiegel tent shows. Yeah, cool.

By like, I think Strut and Fret or could be Le Clique. One of those songs, one of those shows, I'm not sure. But yeah. Pretty amazing. Borrowed from that designer, I think. Or used the same designer. Zero Gravity. See?

Yeah. I mean, her voice is incredible. So cool. And then in 2020 and 2021, we had Montaigne with Don't Break Me and then Technicolor. So obviously you can go back then. Well, that was because Montaigne had Don't Break Me in 2020 or 21. 2020, I think. 2020.

It was the year when it was like the pandemic had stopped. She couldn't perform live or maybe it was cancer. Yeah. So she got a second go, but she had to do a new song, which I think is wild. But then in 2021 for Take Me Close, you didn't get to go still, did you? No, because the pandemic was still going, which was very annoying. So she had to perform live.

I think it was live, but it was in a studio, a TV studio in Australia. So it didn't have that live audience. And yeah, really suffered, but it was an incredible performance. Oh, yeah. Another amazing voice. Like all of these performers that they've chosen have standout voices. I wonder why they haven't sent any duds over. The average Australian.

Send me. There's a bit of like a running joke because one of my fun, I have fun facts coming up for you. And one of them is that like Ireland has won at the most. And there's like a bit of a running joke sometimes that Ireland purposely send duds because they don't want to host it. We're so sick of winning. That's very

funny. It's very good. 2022, Sheldon Riley performed Not The Same. Australia also holds the distinction of being the first nation to compete remotely, which we were just talking about Montaigne having to do. So what a privilege we have there for not being able to get there because

of the pandemic. Yeah, I do have some fun facts, which I haven't done for a little while. I used to always have fun facts at the end. You did it in your last episode, but before that you hadn't done it for a while. Yeah. I haven't done that for three weeks, is what you're saying.

Two, three weeks. But this is just sort of like little tidbits that I thought were fun. So over 1,500 songs have taken part in the Eurovision Song Contest. If you were to listen to all the songs without a break, you would be sitting there listening for 72 hours. Ooh. That's a fun fact. That's a good road trip.

Yeah. I'm going to listen to them all on my planes. I don't know how many planes I go on. 72. With a layover. With planes. Big layover. I'm going to New York.

Okay, so I've got to go from Melbourne to San Francisco, San Francisco to New York, New York to Montreal, Montreal back to San Francisco or Washington, Washington to Edinburgh, and then I've got to turn around and come back home. Okay, so Jess, before you speak, maybe have a little think. Sorry, Matt. Bit of privilege. I'm so sorry. Oh, speak, maybe have a little think. Sorry, Matt. Bit of privilege.

I'm so sorry. Oh, Matt, I'm so sorry. Just imagine. Oh. In 2001, the largest audience ever attended the Eurovision Song Contest. Almost 38,000 people gathered at Copenhagen's Parken Stadium, which is kind of funny. So I went to the footy earlier this year and it was a very quiet game

and there was about 38,000 people at the MCG. And we had our pick of seats. The place was empty. It was like 38,000. That's a lot. Yeah, it is a lot, isn't it? We got the MCG. That said, TV and online viewership is obviously massive.

This year, 2022, an estimated 161 million people watched the contest, which is actually a drop of about 20 million from previous years. Oh, wow. But, I mean, that's also they don't know because when they're counting views, it's always they still use, like, the TV numbers. They're like, oh, this is how many people tuned in. It's like, what are you talking about? They extrapolate from like 17 people's houses.

Yeah, from TV. It's 2022. Like, look how many streams it's been done. Streams it's been done. I won't be repeating myself. That's true. If you're having a Eurovision party, it might only be one stream or one TV, but you've got 20 people there.

I watched the final at our friend Rosie's house with a few people. Did you not come? Were you too intimidated? I don't think I was. I would have been there if I, not just because of the intimidation. I must have been working. But anyway. You were probably working.

I think you were working. You'll feel like you've got all the info now. I know. I definitely feel ready for the next one. You can go around quizzing everyone there. But you know, I forget everything. Yeah. And this is like a year away.

That's okay. You can print this off. I mean, I've been asking you questions about things from this report during the report that you can't remember. That's right. Because I wrote it three weeks ago. There's probably something wrong with me, I think. No, I know. But there's just no time to look into it.

Hey, but there's a lot right with you as well. Hey! With seven victories, Ireland is the most successful country at the contest. That's a lot of victories. Sweden has won six times, while Luxembourg, France, and the Netherlands... With seven victories, Ireland is the most successful country at the contest. That's a lot of victories. Sweden has won six times, while Luxembourg, France and the Netherlands, oh, and the UK have won five times. Luxembourg has won five times.

Yeah, pretty good. Holy shit. Yeah. And on the other end of the scale, Norway could be found at the bottom of the scoreboard as many as 11 times. Oh, no, no way. They came last in 63, 69, 74, 76, 78, 81, 90, 97, 2001 and 2004 and in the grand final of 2012. I still believe in them. They really don't want to host.

They really don't. They keep sending duds. They've won three times and they're like, that's enough. That's good. The most covered Eurovision song is Nel Blu di Pinto di Blu, also known as Volare, which you might hear at weddings. Volare. The song's been covered by famous stars such as Dean Martin,

Cliff Richard, David Bowie and many, many more. We just did it. We just did it then. Jess Perkins, Michelle Brazier have also covered it. That's a big hit. Featuring Matt Stewart. Yeah, it's huge i did not know that that's what they were saying and what does that mean i don't know it's about beans pinto beans it's about pinto beans blue pinto beans probably we got blue a pinto bean it's just an ad for it. And Valare is the brand name.

The brand of a supermarket. Come to Crazy Valare's. We got blue pinto beans. If they're on the floor, they're out the door. Everything must go. Johnny Logan has won the contest three times. In 1980 and 87, he represented Ireland as a performer and he won both times with Hold Me Now and What's Another Year?

And in 1992, he wrote Linda Martin's winning entry, Why Me? So he's made... Why me? Why not Johnny Logan? Why not Johnny Logan? I saw in one of the doco I watched, somebody was like, Johnny Logan should be like as big as Elvis. Wow.

But it's just sort of how Eurovision's viewed as like, you know, just a bit silly. Bit of a laugh. They're not taken as seriously. But like he could have been as big as Elvis. Oh, that's so annoying. It's almost like a kiss of death winning it. But I mean, I guess it sort of depends.

Like depends on what you want out of your singing career, I suppose. It depends on what you say yes to after you do it, I think. Yeah, that's probably a good point. Until 1998, each act was supported by a live orchestra, like we talked about before, and every country brought its own conductor. That's smart. As a musician, that's very smart.

Makes sense. Who would we... Who's Australia's best conductor? I like Isaac Haywood. He's young, but I think he's a genius. I reckon we'd get him over there. England probably had the fat controller. Toot toot.

I like a lot of the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra guys. They're really good. There's a guy, there's a conductor. I cannot think of his name. I think it's Nick. Oh, I can't remember his name. I do know him and he looks like Sammy J. Ah, okay.

I would trust him then. Yeah. I'd trust Sammy J with my life, I think. Same. Not me. Trust him as far as I can throw him,. Yeah. I'd trust Sammy Jo with my life, I think. Same. Not me. And of those... Trust him as far as I can throw him, which is pretty far. Quite light.

He's a light man, I assume. Yes, Every Country Brings Their Conductor, which is so fun. Noel Callaghan conducted the orchestra of five winners in 80, 87, 92, 93, 96. Only three women conducted the orchestra at the Eurovision Song Contest. Wow. Only three. Hate that. Nurit Hirsch conducted the Israeli entries of 73 and 78.

Monica Dominique conducted the Swedish 1973 entry. And Anita Kerr appeared in front of the orchestra for Switzerland in 85. So the most recent time we've had a woman conducting is 85. But now they don't have it yet. But yeah, only three. But wow. That's interesting. Is that not a normal thing?

Is it normally a male? It doesn't feel like it. Yeah, I don't know. Being a conductor. If I'm picturing a conductor, it is an old guy. It's very, yeah, it's male dominated. It's white dominated. I'm picturing the head of music

from my high school and she was a woman. So, I'm picturing the music teacher from the Simpsons. Okay, that's a man. That's a white man.

Or a yellow man. That's a yellow man. Yeah. Yeah. I was, yeah. Do you guys, did you ever see the,

the year when it was Lithuania and they had a song called We Are The Winners of Eurovision? Oh. Did you guys, did you ever see the year when it was Lithuania and they had a song called We Are The Winners of Eurovision? Oh. Did you see that? It was like, we are the winners of Eurovision. Really? We are, we are, we are, we are.

Did they win? No. That's amazing. It was just repeated and repeated, but no, they didn't win. But it was fantastic. I'll never forget it. There's so many like really strange and amazing performances there's like yeah vikings there's like people dressed as like monsters there's puppets there's one um there's one uk entry i can't remember what it's called

now but they're all dressed as flight attendants and it's the singing is so off key. And then one of them, he just keeps like, like throwing in like airplane jargon. Like sometimes he'll go duty free, madam. He's just saying stuff like that. And then like, oh my God, it's horrendous. It's so fun. I said there was, I was watching Spy, which is also a fun romp movie with Melissa McCarthy.

And she runs in, she's like overseas somewhere and she runs into this big public place where a eurovision performer is performing and he he does this song actually i don't know what their gender is but they they have this song that's i think it's called dancing and it's like zeben zeben i lulu, lü, sieben, sieben, eins, zwei. Sieben, sieben, ein, lü, lü. And it's really, and dancing. It's such a good song. One of Eurovision's best, and it was a real treat to see them in Melissa McCarthy's Spy. That sounds like a banger. It's great.

It's an absolute banger. I'll play it to you after this. A lot of good stuff. Verka, Suduka. I'm going to play you the. Laschetumbai. That's what it is is i want to see lashatumbai it's a great song i'm definitely going to be playing you the uh celine dion one because it's amazing i'm excited to hear that but that is my report on eurovision and it didn't go for bang on an hour i did it thank you i went

slightly longer for once. Well done, Jess. Well done. Honestly, thank you to you guys. There was a lot of tangents. And I think that really... A couple of decisions from the refs didn't go our way. That's right. From the refs?

From the refs. A couple of the refs didn't go our way. You guys went out there, you gave 110%. And I respect and love you so much for that. Thank you. Thank you. Just get out on the ground and, you know, just make the most of what we got. I should say, fantastic report there, Jess.

Thank you so much. Now, that brings us to everyone's favorite part of the show, where we get to thank a bunch of our great supporters. The first thing we like to do, well, I should say, if you want to support the show, you can go to patreon.com slash digonpod or digonpod.com. And, yeah, there's a bunch of different levels. What are some of the rewards you can get bob

you can get up to three bonus episodes a month uh early access to tickets to live shows there used to be a newsletter that'll it's making a comeback um and you get to vote on a bunch of different topics like every you get to vote on like two out of three yeah on average two out of three yeah was this one this one would have been a vote yes this was voted on yeah and in a landslide all right yeah which i think i've put it up before and it hasn't i'll put it up before a few times as well but they were in the mood for it this time they must have been because it really won by a clear margin love that yeah um so the first thing we like to do is a little section called

fat quota question has a little jingle go something like this fat quota question ding she always remembers the ding great ding there michelle thank you so much it's an honor to be here for the ding i was ready with the second verse but i felt it was the time for the ding yeah yeah so just sometimes drops the second verse, sometimes doesn't. I'm an artist. Yeah. Let me,

with my music theatre traps, brag or suggestion. Ding. Always remembers the ding. And the way this works, if you sign up on the Sydney Schoenberg level or above, you get to give us a factor quote or a question and I read four of them out each week and I read them out on the sydney schoenberg level or above you get to give us a factor quote or a question uh and i read four of them out each week and i read them out on the show as i'm reading them

out for the first time so apologies for any uh whatever you know so i don't know why i say that but i'm just just in case people why did he read that so awkwardly is that a good excuse i'm only reading it for the first time what are you gonna read i always thought that you were reading you were saying that because you were saying it's not like this doesn't reflect my views i haven't chosen this to repeat that's that's also true as well yeah maybe that's why i started saying it that makes sense we do get a lot of really fucked opinion yeah so when i read out like a real crook thought. I couldn't help it.

That wasn't me. They're not good people. The first one comes from Nathan Swap. They also get to give themselves a title. And Nathan's got the title, A Giver of Potentially Boring Facts. Okay. Well, we'll strap in.

Well, we'll leave. I was going to say, we'll be the judge of that. And then I went to say, we'll decide. And I just went, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll leave. I was going to say, we'll be the judge of that. And then I went to say, we'll decide. And I just went, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll. Caught in a glitch. So we've got to evacuate the building. We'll leave. We'll leave.

So Nathan's fact reads like this. The US state of New Mexico is often believed to be named after the country of Mexico. However, New Mexico is 250 years older than Mexico's name origin. Mexico comes from the tribes of people, the Mexica that settled in the valley of modern Mexico City. The Spanish conquistadors named that valley the Valley of the Mexica within the Viceroy of New Spain in 1521. In the 1580s, conquistadors went...

I love the word conquistadors. I don't know what it means. I love the word conquistadors, which is a similar word. Oh, similar or the same? Spelled the same and it is the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And how do I...

Should I say it? Conquistadors. Conquistadors. I love that even more. In the 1580s, conquistadors went... Almost. Oh, damn it. No, keep going. I'm sorry80s conquistadors went almost oh damn it no keep going i'm sorry just being demonstrably spanish uh went north into modern new mexico and named the large valley of the rio grande new mexico after the valley of mexico city hoping it would be as rich in gold and silver as the first. Skipping ahead to 1821, when the territory of New Spain became its own independent empire,

the first emperor named the country Mexico after the capital city and as a mirror to Rome and the Roman Empire. The empire didn't last a year, but the name Mexico stuck. 240 years after the small territory turned American state got its name of New Mexico. Side note, the first and second Mexican empires would be awesome topics.

Thank you very much for that, Nathan. The other reason I reckon I say I don't read them until I read them is because I haven't fact-checked them. So I'm reading, I trust Nathan that he hasn't stuffed me there. Hasn't simply lied to you. New Mexico is named after Mexico.

You fool. You fool. I would have definitely assumed it was named after Mexico. So that's great. That's fun. Or actually, Jess, is that a fun fact? Yeah. That's a fun fact.

That's the energy of someone who's just had fun. That would be a pretty cool topic. That is right. It would be cool. Yeah, I agree. Next one comes from Derek Brigham, aka the giver of cursed blessings. Oh, no. I don't want this.

Don't give it. Nobody's forcing you to give it. No, this isn't a curse. This is a question. We'll see. Derek writes, magic has struck. Oh, it seems like a curse. Suddenly, no matter what food you eat, it tastes like one thing.

The same thing every time. You must choose what that one thing is. What do you pick? The texture and temperature stay the same as whatever the original food was. For example, if you chose burger, ice cream would taste like cold creamy burger if i and i always ask the question askers to answer their own questions and derrick has done that saying if i were stuck with this curse i would pick the taco bell cheesy gordita crunch and ate mainly boiled chicken and steamed broccoli turn the curse into a blessing by being the healthiest eater in the world oh that's clever that's clever work from derrick

brigham do you have an answer here michelle i mean there's so many options i really like guac guacamole yeah as a as a flavor palette i also like the flavour of sumac. And that doesn't have a temperature or a texture. So it could be wherever you want to put it. I don't know. Also just like salt on like olive oil and salt on bread. Oh, yeah. That's pretty good. Yeah, I was going to say bread.

Fuck, I love that. Yeah. Sourdough from Oven Street Bakery specifically. Imagine if the flavour works really well in bread and all of a sudden I'm eating loaves every day. I mean, I almost do that anyway, but it would be, that'd be tricky. But I think he makes a good point.

You could just eat broccoli all the time. Yeah, I quite like broccoli. Yeah, I like broccoli too. I eat a lot of broccoli anyway. Maybe broccoli flavour. Pasta's good. Oh my God. Pesto. Basil pesto. Yeah, pesto. Very good. Yeah, I like broccoli too. Broccoli and lemon would be pretty good. Maybe broccoli flavour. Past is good. Oh, my God. Pesto.

Basil pesto. Yeah, pesto. Very good. Yeah, delish. Cold, hot, give it. Give it. But yeah, it's one of those things because it's always, you know, the curse is that it's going to make any flavour not that good.

I don't think that's true. I simply don't believe it. How could one get over pesto? I've never gotten over pesto in my life. The amount of pesto I've had. Hummus is good. Hummus is good, yeah. All right, I'm going to go with hummus.

Good suggestion. Pretty good. Hot hummus? You've just given yourself a hot hummus curse. Oh, no. Is hot hummus bad? I've never had hot hummus. I don't know.

Well, we're going to find out. Welcome to the stage of the hot hummus dancers. Thank you very much for that question, Derek. The next one comes from Eric E. Morales, aka The Talent. And Eric is asking a question as well, writing, Hi all, question for you all. What are your guilty pleasures?

What are your guilty pleasure movies that may be trash, but you love regardless? Some of mine include the second Pink Pantherther movie with steve martin not trash uh and looney tunes back in action not trash excellent yeah we watched that recently for phrasing the bar and i thought it was good fun uh i grew up with these and love revisiting them whenever i get the chance best regards a yeah like the nostalgia plays into it for sure like wayne's world is a big one for me my brother and i used to watch that all the time yeah i haven't seen it in ages but isn't that a good movie i don't know well i mean i've

i've had friends who watched it the first time as adults and sort of went this is done oh okay but i watched it as a kid and watched it a lot very silly it's very silly but it's fun. But a more recent movie that I think is a guilty pleasure of mine is What's Your Number? It's an Anna Faris, Chris Evans movie. Oh, I started watching it recently on Netflix. Yeah, I watch it a bit. It's fun. It's a rom-com.

It's silly. Just because something's not a good film doesn't mean it's not a good movie. Yeah, not a good watch. You know, I think you can still have it. Like, for example, 2001 A Space Odyssey is a beautiful film, but as a movie, not much going on plot-wise. Like, you know, different. Different strokes for different times, different folks for different rhymes.

That's right. Different blokes and different dimes and that's the way about it. I love watching bad stuff. Like I love to watch a made-for-Netflix movie where an American woman goes to Australia to try and win the winemaker so she can sell the wine. That's a genuine one that just came out and it's terrible and but it's really fun to watch and go this is so dumb why are you doing this it's so silly this

is terrible but then yeah but at the same time it served its purpose of i wanted to watch something dumb yeah i love those kind of movies love them there was one that it was another like a lockdown movie that i watched i haven't gone back to it, but I really enjoyed it. It was Adam Levine and it was like a time travel movie where he had to go to a Halloween party. When we first met. Sounds great. It was obviously not a good film.

But it was the perfect film that day. It was escapism and it was, yeah, I don't know. It was just fun. Yes Man's another one that I think people will think is shit that I think is really good and I've watched it a bunch of times. I like Yes Man. I think it's fun. Rhys Darby.

And yeah, the one you mentioned is when we first met. And it's got a nice energy to it. It's all very positive. I love a romp as I talk about all the time. So I obviously love the Fast and the Furious franchise and I'm aware that there are writing issues, but that's why I like it. I love the Jumanji's.

Yeah, Jumanji's are fun. I love The Spy Who Dumped Me, but I think those are all good movies. I don't think any of these are like bad movies. I think, I guess maybe Cruel Intentions is my, is the answer, the closest to an answer to this question. Like I know it's like problematic and blah, blah, blah, but I'm like, I have such a nostalgia.

It's more closer for the musical of it. And I love how camp it is. Oh yeah, that is currently on in the town we're in. So good for us. It's very camp, which I love. Yeah, Clueless is the same. Oh, Clueless, very good. This is bad, but I love it.

Very fun. Mean Girls, that's genuinely good. Mean Girls, genuinely good. I watched one last week that I thought was sort of silly fun. It was Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. Oh, they're spies? Or he's a spy? He's like a spy and she's sort of a mechanic

and she's brought along for the ride kind of thing. Do you know what I love? Keeping Up With The Joneses. I haven't seen that. Oh, it's great. Zach Galifianakis and Isla Fisher maybe. Oh, yeah, Isla Fisher, yeah. I get Ed Helms and Isla Fisher confused.

And Gal Gadot and – Gal Gadot was in the – Hot Man. That Tom Cruise one I was just saying. Yeah. She's great. Made her screen debut in Fast and the Furious oh that's right

yeah these I gotta I need more of these movies so that's a good keep me up with the Jones I gotta watch that oh I've got a whole list

and once I put on Twitter because I was trying to find more put up on Twitter I want to watch movies like this this this this this and I got a whole list of more one of them was Encino Man

which I still haven't seen have you guys watched that yeah I loved it as a kid them. One of them was Encino Man, which I still haven't seen. Have you guys watched that? Yeah. I loved it as a kid, so watching it again, I was like, but if I just went in with a better attitude and not thinking it was going to be so good because I loved it. Yeah, yeah.

I love Dungeons of the Jungle. Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston's Murder Mystery one is said to be a really bad film, but I thought it was pretty fun. I love Murder Mystery. It's not bad. It's great. I love Murder Mystery.

I've watched it three times. There's a really funny guy in it. He's really good. I can't ruin, I don't want to ruin what happens. Adam Sandler. But it's really good. He's a real up and comer

and I think he's got to do things. He's got to be amazing. I think we've given Eric a lot of options Sorry Bob I think I spoke over you before When you were saying the Adam Levine movie name When we first met Right I should try that

Was it Have you seen it I think I started it Okay Couldn't get through And then immediately picked out What was going to happen Yeah yeah

And then I said That this is what's going to happen To my partner And I left the room And then Yeah, yeah. And then I said that this is what's going to happen to my partner and I left the room and then he finished the film and when I saw him later, he was bashful and I said, I was right, wasn't I? And he said, yes. And that's something about those rom-commy films.

I mean, knowing exactly what's going to happen is probably a bit too tedious, but you always know vaguely what's going to happen. For sure. Like they're going to, unlikely duo, going to be forced to spend time together. What's going to happen? You're actually all right.

Conflict. Sandra Bullock and Lewis McCarthy. You're actually with your ex. I was into the wrong person after all, and yeah, all that sort of stuff. Right in front of my eyes. And the final fact quota question this week, all that sort of stuff. Right in front of my eyes. And the final fact quota question this week,

unless anyone had any more movies. We're just talking about the best movies. Yeah, the best to wrap us up. I've got to have a lunch. Teen Wolf,

the original Teen Wolf. I haven't seen that as an adult but I loved it as a kid and I watched that so many times. We'd go to the milk bar around the corner and rent it a lot.

I haven't seen it. And their collection of like three We'd go to the milk bar around the corner and rent it a lot. I haven't seen it. And their collection of like three movies they had at the milk bar. The last one this week comes from Drew Forsberg. Oh, can't hardly wait. Keep going. Oh, that's it. Yes. Disturbing behavior.

The faculty, please keep going. Drew Forsberg, aka the hate mailer. And that's hate spelled with an eight. His question is, oh, very brief. What do you reckon? I reckon they're going to have to definitely keep him safe. I mean, to get him out from, or maybe if they ship a really safe sound booth.

I assume the question is, what do you reckon they're going to do so that the president of the Ukraine can still voice Paddington for Paddington 3 with the ongoing conflict? Right, yes, yes, yes. So, yeah, I'm not 100% sure, but I am thinking about it

and I'm thinking about it a lot. Did he voice Paddington? He fucking dubbed... Yeah, he dubbed Paddington in the Ukraine. Isn't that incredible? I did not know that. I love him. I'm obsessed with him.

That is a fun fact. I'm just obsessed with the fact that he did that. I love Paddington so much. And I think he's so great. I saw another... I love the Paddington films, but I think they are quite loved. Yeah. So they're not like a...

No, they're not. No. But apparently I saw a quick review of a new film, Michelle the Shell or Someone the Shell. Marcel the Shell. Marcel the Shell. Apparently it's got some real Paddington vibes about it. Yeah. Have you read the books?

No. It's great. And it's an A24. Yeah, Jenny Slate. It's going to be great. I didn't know it was a book. So it's got a whole thing. Is there a fandom that hate it?

No, no. They've ruined the Shell character. The Shell never would have done that. What do you reckon? Just quickly. I reckon probably maybe avo on toast or a veggie pasty is what I'll have for lunch. Yeah.

I reckon let's play it by ear. But yeah, if you end up knocking off early enough, I'll meet you there after. Yeah, okay, great. Okay. year um but yeah if you end up knocking off early enough i'll i'll meet you there after yeah okay great okay and that brings us to uh the next section i know michelle you might think that must be it but no we get more people to thank yeah uh these great people have uh been supporting us for a little while and just normally comes up a little game to play usually based on the topic we let's um come up with their Eurovision song title, because the song titles are always fun.

Yes. Great. Do you want to read out some names, Michelle, or maybe Jess and I will just go back and forth, and you can help us with the songs. I'll do some songs. Great. Well, if I may kick us off,

I would love to thank, from Address Unknown, I can only assume from deep within the fortress of the moles. And I for one want to be the first to get in here and say, I welcome our new mole overlords and their representative, James Harrison. James Harrison representing fortress of the moles with James's song. What's that? What's that? What's that?

With an exclamation mark. Sorry, I just... I just want to make sure you're pronouncing the exclamation mark. It reads like a question, but it's actually an exclamation. Should I read a few more? Do you want to do half and half sort of thing? Let's go back and forth. I'll do the next one.

I would love to thank from Milwaukee. I'm Milwaukee here. Kristen Shulrod. Kristen Shulrod. Representing the powerful country, the number one country of the United States of America. Number one. Michelle, what song is Kristen performing?

Believe. Believe. Believe. That's good. That is good. What's the message of it? It's about 9-11. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. Everything changed that day. Being an inside job. Holy shit. Yeah. Is it about the Beams? Yeah. The backup dancers are dressed as Twin T towers and it's very insensitive.

It is incredibly insensitive and she really should have rethought it, but I think it's good to give it a go. Read the room, Kirsten. I think they did a great job. Oh, it's a fantastic song. Fantastic song. And a beautiful performance. Really great performance.

And I think in time, people are going to look back on it and say, yeah, actually one of the greats. Yeah. Well, mate, I think from London in Great Britain, Rachel Ball. Rachel Ball with the song, If You Water the Plant, It Will Grow. That's got a beautiful message, I would think. It's about looking up plants. It's hidden in there.

No, Matt, it's a very literal song. It's talking about quality of soil I think if you dig a little Don't overwater it Below the surface You might want to put some Fertiliser in there For the springtime

And you obviously have to Dig a little below the surface To put the roots in And then you put more soil on top I think there's an extra There's a little extra there If you really Read between the lines

Put some mulch on top Yeah Okay That's the second verse third verse forward but yeah you're reading a lot into this this song it's great to disagree uh i would also love to thank again from a location unknown deep within the fortress of the moles maddie or maddie singing a rousing tune with a big marching band intro. Get it up, ya brigadier. Yeah. Which is also about 9-11.

And planting flowers. It's about both, actually. Get it up there, talking about growing a beautiful big vine on a lattice. Yeah. Yeah. That's nice. Thank you, Maddie. Stunning.

Yeah, fantastic work, Mad you, Maddie Stunning Fantastic work, Maddie Representing the moles I'd also love to thank From Harvard in Massachusetts Harvard Harvard Am I saying that right? Harvard

Harvard, Massachusetts Yeah, that's right Harvard In the number one country United States It's Alex Hill What's Alex singing, Michelle? Alex is singing

Blue Eyes Big Big butts Blue Eyes Big butts You didn't Blue Eyes, Big Butts. You didn't want to say butts the first time, did you? No, I was nervous. I was shy. The song's a bit risque.

Blue Eyes, Big Butts. Blue Eyes, Big Butts, bracket. Big Eyes, Blue Butts. Oh, it was going to be Blue Eyes, Big Tits or Big Dicks. Blue Eyes, Big Dicks. Yeah. Multi-dicks. That's what my brain said to say. Blue Eyes, big dicks. Yeah. Multi-dicks. That's what my brain said to say.

Blue eyes, big tits. Yeah. That was a beautiful ballad from Alex. About 9-11. I would also love to thank from Italy. Say the city. That is Quarto Sant'Elena. Yes. city uh that is quarto santelena oh yes i would love to thank vitale i just had an ear guzzling that was so nice to hear fantastic uh vitale

what do you want vitale singing representing Italia. Put your dishes in the sink. La, la, la, la, la, la, la. La, la, la, la, la, la, la. That's in the brackets. So Vitaly's gone with English. Love that. Well, the chorus is in English, but the rest is in Italian. Yeah.

It's really nice. Molto bene, molto bene. Yeah, I think so. Sta cosi cosi. Buoni, buoni. Fades out. It's got to fade out. Which is old school. It's a. Buen y buen. Fades out. It's got to fade out. Which is old school.

It's a bit of a throwback. Bit of a throwback. But I like that about it. It's hard to make an orchestra fade out, but they did it. Yeah. Very impressive. Could I think from Stone's Corner in Queensland, in Brisbane, I reckon, in Australia, Amber Fielder.

but I reckon in Australia, Amber Fielder. Amber Fielder said, you are like a magnet to my heart. You're like a magnet to my heart. You're like a dreamer to my soul. I remember the song. Like an 80s style power, is that a power ballad? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, I love that. Oh, man, I'm into that song. Can you write and record that? Yeah. Well, at least write it. Maybe leave someone else to record it. She's a great writer. Great writer.

The best writer. I'm not good at other stuff. No, no, no. Finally, from me, I'd love to thank from Address Unknown, assuming also from the Fortress of the Mole. Interesting, we've got three mole people in today. It's Carl Burnson. Carl Burnson. What's Carl singing, Michelle?

Secrets my daddy told me. I'm at 9-11. Secrets my daddy told me. Number one. Jet fuel can't mount steel beams. It's a really beautiful song. That's a beautiful secret too. It's nice to share those secrets that daddy told you.

Son, listen. Why did that break you, Matt? You loved that. I don't know. It's just very funny. It's very good. I'm picturing that being like a country sort of tune as well. Something that my daddy told me.

We've got to get lunch. We've got to get lunch. We simply have to get lunch. I would love to thank finally from Leangatha in Victoria, Levi Odgers. Great name, Levi Odgers. Michelle, you're on a hot streak here. What did Levi sing? This song is called She Said It, open bracket,

Go Away From Here, That's Not Your Trolley, open bracket, go away from here, that's not your trolley, close bracket. That's good. It's about being in love with a coals worker. Yeah. It doesn't work out. It doesn't work out. Because she does not love it.

Because, yeah, she does it. Yeah, because if you really listen to it, there's a deeper meaning. There's a meaning. The trolley is the Twin Towers. The trolley is the Twin Towers. The trolley is the planes in the... Thank you so much to Levi, Carl,

Amber, Vitale, Alex, Maddie, Rachel, Kristen and James. The last thing we have to do, Michelle, can you believe it? We're going to welcome in

three people into the triptych club or the triptych club which is apparently how you say triptych. Whatever. You're an artist? It's triptych. or the Triptych Club which is apparently how you say triptych. Whatever. You're an artist?

It's triptych. Once, Double Denim, we did all three of our shows and we called it triptych and we spelt it D-I-C-K and it was really funny. That's fun.

It's funny. It was a fun joke. That's undeniably fun. That's fun. So the way to be involved here is if you are a supporter of our show on the shout out level

or above for three straight years, you get welcomed into the Triptych Club. I'm standing at the door. I've got the clipboard. I'm about to read out your name. Lift up that velvet robe. Welcome you into the club.

Michelle's standing on the stage. She's emceeing the show tonight. She's going to really hype you up. Jess's behind the bar, but she's sort of like the Paul Schaefer to Michelle's David Letterman She's backing Michelle up Giving her a bit of support

If needed But Jess has also come up with a cocktail What's the Eurovision cocktail we're serving? It's a shot of liquor from each participating country In a pint glass And you will die This is like 40 It's called 9-11.

This is horrendous. I'm so sorry, everybody. And Michelle. I wouldn't recommend it. You've got Dave's band booking diary. Who have you booked to perform the after party here? Dave Matthews Band. You've got the Dave Matthews Band in.

Holy moly. Yeah, we've been trying to get the rages. I think that might be a repeat entry into the Triptych Club. They might be the first band to perform twice. And rightly so. They were so good the first time. They absolutely dominated. People said, bring them back.

And we said, yeah, righto. Okay. No worries. We're good. We're going to twist our arm. So we're welcoming three inductees in, and Michelle, you make some sort of – you're on the stage hyping them up. I'm reading their name in.

As they come in, the whole crowd's doing a slow clap. You're on stage, and you're making some sort of weak pun, if you're like Dave, or whatever you like, with their name or where they're from. So you're ready to go? Making a weak pun? Yeah, well, that's what Dave does. You can do whatever you like. But you're just hyping them up as they come in anyway.

Yeah, hyping them up. So firstly, I'm lifting up the velvet rope here and welcoming in from Emsworth in England, it's Adam. Oh, everybody, we've got a real treat for you tonight. Coming in from Emsworth, we've got him. You got it. You guessed it right. It's Adam.

That is good stuff. Welcome, Adam. And from Sydney in New South Wales, Australia, it's Ainsley Toombs. Ainsley Toombs is coming in the front door. Everybody buy a drink for Ainsley Tombs. Ainsley Tombs is coming in the front door. Everybody buy a drink for Ainsley. Ainsley doesn't want the 9-11 cocktail. Get Ainsley something nice like a whiskey. I like this better than Dave's.

This is so much better. I don't do puns. I'm really sorry. No, I appreciate that. This is easily better by quite a long margin. And finally from Harrod in Ohio, God's country in the United States, it's Dean Cooley. Oh, some say he was too cool for us, but here he comes, Dan Cooley.

I tried to do a pun, but it was really hard. That is totally what Dave would have. Dan Cooley. No, you deserve a song. Here it comes, it's Dan Cooley. Get him a drink, he wants a night of land. Oh, Dean, no. Don't, Dean, don't drink it.

It's not good for you. And it's probably insensitively named. Don't support it. Welcome into the club, Dean, Ainsley and Adam. And that brings us to the end of the episode. Michelle, thanks so much for joining us. Thank you. Please, listeners, go see Michelle, thanks so much for joining us. Thank you. Please, listeners, go see Michelle if she's coming to your country,

Edinburgh Festival, French Festival especially. But also, will they be able to see you in New York? No, you can't see me in New York. I'm doing secret things. But I don't think this will come out in time for you to see me in Canada either. But just look and see if I'm in your country because I could be. At any given moment, I can pop up in any country. You really don't know.

It's crazy. There's no way of knowing. She's crazy like that. But do come in Edinburgh. Please do come. Please. And yeah. Some people are like, are you coming to Glasgow?

And I'm like, no, I'm not coming to Glasgow. But I'm coming really, really far. Just please, if you want to see me, just get on the train. It's so close. Your accents are really far. Like, just please, if you want to see me, just get on the train. Like, so close. Your accents are really different, but it's so close. And yeah, send us, I'd love to see selfies there. Tag us in on the Do Go On social media. It's Do Go On Pod on Instagram, Twitter.

TikTok now? No, it's something else on there, is it? No, it's Do Go On Podcast, maybe on TikTok. But surely if you start typing in Do Go On Pod, it'll come up. Jess, anything else we need to tell people before we go? Just that we love them and that anybody can suggest a topic. There's a link in the show notes. It's also on our website, dogoonpod.com.

We've got merch you can buy on dogoonpod.com as well. And I guess I'll do the Dave and I'll boot at home. Yeah, great. If you think you know any friends who might like it, please share us. Yeah, absolutely. Share it around. Give us a hot recommend. Put it on your little Instagram story.

Or your big ones. Don't patronise them. How dare you? I only want little ones. Okay. I wasn't going to patronise you. Sometimes there's too many. Too many long stories.

Too many. Yeah, short and sweet. But until next week, we will say thank you and goodbye. Laters. Bye. I had to do Dave and me. It's hockey season and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything.

So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. We'll be right back. Everyday Essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth.

Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future.