Do Go On - 353 - Eurovision

Episode Date: July 27, 2022

It's the longest running TV Music Competition, but how much do you know about Eurovision? Michelle Brasier joins us for an introduction to Eurovision for people who have never watched the show, or are intimidated to start!Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: dogoonpod.com or patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/ Check out our new merch! : https://do-go-on-podcast.creator-spring.com/ Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://eurovision.tv/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_the_Eurovision_Song_Contesthttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eurovision_Song_Contesthttps://www.bbcamerica.com/blogs/what-is-eurovision-10-things-to-know-about-the-weird-and-wonderful-song-contest--1016148https://www.aussievision.net/post/when-eurovision-winners-didn-t-host-the-contest-a-look-back-in-historyhttps://eurovisionworld.com/esc/eurovisions-most-memorable-interval-actshttps://www.rte.ie/brainstorm/2022/0504/1295914-eurovision-controversies-israel-jordan-pingpong-maneskin-dana-international-conchita-wurst-cliff-richard/https://metro.co.uk/2021/05/22/eurovision-2021-12-of-the-contests-biggest-controversies-of-all-time-14575912/https://www.bustle.com/p/10-famous-eurovision-competitors-who-made-it-big-after-the-song-contest-27619259 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. Hello and welcome to Do Go on. I am your host, Dave Warnock.

And I'm joined this week by Jess Perkins. Hey Jess, so good to be here with you. Hello, Dave. It's nice to be here with you. Oh no, I said the wrong now. I'm Matt. Oh, okay. So Matt and Jess are here.

Dave's not. Jess, we have a very special guest in Dave's seat. We do have a very special guest. We have, honestly, I might cry. One of my favorite people in the entire world. actor, singer, comedian, all-round icon. What's a quadriple threat? Yeah, yeah.

She can dance. She can cook. She can drive a car. It is Michelle Brazier. Tutu! I'm listing things you can do when you're like, yes, I suppose, that's true. No, I really liked it. I really liked all the stuff that you said I can do.

Yeah. And it was based on my purpose. personal experience. Like, you have cooked for me. Uh-huh. So I was like, I know she can do that. Yep. And not, you know, it wasn't a woman thing.

It was just, I know that you can cook. I can cook. I'm glad you clarify that. Can cook. People were getting pretty furious. And as the feminist of the pot, I thought, geez, that's not on. She's more than that. She's more than a cook.

Didn't mean to upset you, Matt. Sorry about that, mate. Thank you. Sorry about that. I'll try to be a bit more sensitive. We'll be more sensitive. Thank you. That's all I'm asking for.

We'll be better. Yeah. We're allies. We're allies. I appreciate that. Thanks for letting me lean in there. Yeah, Dave is currently having a jaunt around Europe. Can't believe it.

Having an awful time, I'm sure, missing us terribly, thinking about us constantly, and probably barely even enjoying the sights or the nice weather, I'm sure. Every time looking in a museum thinking, oh, that museum looks like Jess. Yeah, that's what he thinks about the museum. Oh, look at that museum. This bus looks like Matt.

Oh, what a dopey looking bus. Oh, I miss my bus-shaped friend, Matt. Somebody please photoshop this. I'm a museum. Toot-toot, and I'm saying tut-toot now. Oh, my God, you can't take tutute-toot. There's so little I have. Sorry.

You drive a car, you cook. But what am I going to say when dinner is served? What am I going to say when I get into my car? Okay. You can have Toot-toot back. Thank you. So Dave's in Europe, but Michelle, I believe you're about to be in Europe as well. I am. I absolutely am. I'm going to the Edinburgh Fringe for the first time since the pandemic.

I think you, I think maybe, did I even meet you at the Edinburgh Fringe? Probably in like 2014. 14, yeah, probably. That makes sense. A gilded balloon or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely true. It's funny. Actually, nobody remembers where they met Michelle. That is true. That is true. I have no idea. Yeah, most people have no memory. I remember walking through a park with you and Auntie Donna and Demi maybe. I remember also walking through that park and that was one of the first times.

You don't remember you. I've just wedged myself into it. But it's lovely to meet you, Matt. I was walking through that park alone. No, I do remember walking through that park. We got stopped in that park and that was one of the first times that I was like, oh, people watch Auntie Donna overseas because people watch. would come up to me.

And at the time, I think we'd done a video where I played a person called Susan, and I yelled about a Kodak disposable camera. And people were yelling Kodak disposable camera and Susan at me. And I was very confused because I was like, we're not in Australia. Why do you know me? Do you get the internet over here? I didn't know they had the internet, but they do. They've got it.

Yeah. They've got it pretty quickly, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it only took them through a four years after us. I think so too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. That's great.

Europe needs the internet, I think. I agree. It's like, they don't know this, but the world's getting smaller. Mm-hmm. And the internet's doing that. We can connect. We can connect. On the World Wide Web.

We can connect on the World Wide Web. Yeah, the information's super highway. I dubbed it. We can. Yeah, as I was saying to Jess, we'll be a part for her birthday, but I will promise to write on her wall. Yeah, I have. I have made that very clear.

You must write on my wall. Well, that's so good that there's internet over in Edinburgh. So you're going to Edinburgh, not as a punter. I'm going as a performer. I'm going as a perform mad. And I'm not. If you will. Fantastic.

Which show are you taking over there? Average bear. The award winning. Yes. Just a few weeks ago won the Green Room Award. The best writing. Yes. Thank you very much.

Thank you for notice. Which feels like a little backhand about the performance. It doesn't do anything? Best writing. Performance. Ooh, yucky. Yuck. But do you feel okay about that because you also wrote it?

I do feel good because I wrote it. Yeah. It got nominated for best show, best writing. I got nominated for best artist. Oh, that's good. and best musical direction. Wow. And I won one of four.

So I don't know how that. But I also won director's choice at Sydney Comedy Festival. And I got nominated for Best Show at Melbourne, but I didn't win that. So it's hard to know if I'm good or no. I'm getting nominated surely. I think if you don't win bad. I think if you don't win bad. I think it's just an honor.

It's going to be so bad. Just an honor to be nominated where I come from because I haven't been. That's what losers say that. That's what a loser say. Oh, what an honor to be nominated. That's easy for you to say because you're a loser. Do you know what I mean? I mean, I wish I could.

reach the height of losing a Green Room award. I know you do, but that's because you're a loser, man. Yes, I got that mentality. I don't like to be. I would say of those awards, though, if you win best writing, like what is a show if it's not written? Yeah, that was the one that I wanted. Okay, great.

It was best writing because I was up against my beautiful friend, Ruben Kay, also going to Edinburgh. And he had said to me, if you get best artist, I will super glue you to yourself. Okay. Which he does do often as a fun joke. So I don't know why he threatened it because I know he'll do it anyway. But it was a threat.

So, yeah, it was good that he took it out. I was quite concerned. Yeah, quite worried. So if people are in the UK and, you know, in the Edinburgh region, they can come see you. Where are you on it? Assembly. Assembly in the box at George Square Gardens, I think it is.

At like 5 or 6pm. Love it. It's a very, very good show. Thank you. It really is. I would say it's a great show. It's a great show. It's an amazing show.

Oh, thanks. I'll take your great. I think it's an exquisite show. I think it's an extraordinary show. I think it's the best show that has ever been written. Now we sound sarcastic. It is genuinely a very good show. I've seen it a few times.

It was filmed for Paramount Plus. It was, but it will be slightly different when you see it live because there are certain things that, you know, you cut for the filming and things. So it would be good to see it. Yeah, Michelle can't touch you on Paramount, but she will touch you if you come to the assembly. Every audience member in the United Kingdom. And Jess, I'm assuming you'll put a link to the tickets in the show notes.

Nah, probably not. But I can Google it then. Yeah, figure it yourself. God. I'm really excited. I'm excited to go back to Scotland. I love Scotland so much. So good.

I love it so much. Beautiful place. I really hope, Jess, can we go there later this year and do some podcasts? Nah. Damn it. I'm in a no mood today. I would absolutely love to, but I would urge you not to say that on the podcast. Well, you've got editing the rights.

You'll be promising. If I mean, if you don't edit it out, then people can assume we're going. If this is in, we'll see you soon. But it depends on how many tickets I sell. Yes. If I'm the canary and the cold. We're not going to say what it is. Yeah.

But if Michelle hits a certain threshold, which is 100%. Then you'll come. And we'll make some calls. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Very good. I know there are some listeners who have all got tickets to the same night to see your show. Oh, really? Yeah, some of our Patreon supporters. I'll say hello to you in person. Then that's so exciting. Thank you. I'm going to see them.

I'm going to be like, hey guys. And they're going to be like, we'll listen to do go on. I'm going to like, oh, my God, thank you for your support. They're going to be like, yeah, but just like as a general, like, for my friends. It's like, you know, Melbourne comedy is like a whole. And they're going to go, you're owning something, it's not for you. And I'm like, no, I'm just trying, like, thanks for supporting my friends. And, yeah, it's just to be uncomfortable.

Supporting Australian comedy. Supporting Australian comedy. They love your Fast and Furious episode. Oh, yeah. Oh, I was so worried about that. I was, I didn't say it to you, but I was also worried. I'm like, this could definitely go either way. People, are they ready for this?

Thank God, I'm charming. They loved it. They had such a good time. Went for six years. But just looking at the light leave all of your eyes was really funny. That was my favourite part of it. As we all just started to get hungry. Yeah, because we'll get lunch after the pod and then it was 4pm.

It's too late for lunch. Still the longest ever episode, I believe. I think so. Well. And look, you know, if you have seen Michelle's name in the description of this episode, just to let you know, it's not Michelle doing the report today. She's taking the place of Dave. Please don't panic.

While I do the report. And we know mine. lately have been like bang on an hour. I don't know how I keep doing it. The word count is different for each of them, but they're like bang on an hour. Good job. Well, I don't know if it's, am I efficient? Am I lazy?

I don't know. But yeah, I'll be doing the report today. And Matt, do you want to explain how this show works? Yeah, sure. So one of the three of us here this week, Jess, goes away and research is a topic usually suggested by our listener. And then they bring that research back and sort of give us a little. old school report like we're in a classroom and it's a little oral presentation.

That's right. And then Michelle and I politely listen and you probably won't hear much of us. We certainly won't make any. Just a couple of, mm. Yeah. Is that right? Is that right? I don't think so.

I don't think I'll be chatting. I'm very shy. And you're in a pretty, pretty serious shy mood today. Yeah, I don't have this. She's a bit of a grump. I'm drinking. I'm a coffee as well. well.

Yeah, that's never good. That makes Matt very quiet. And Jess, normally, and I don't know if she will today, but normally starts the report with a question to get us on a topic. Do you have a question today, Bob? I do, and I actually wrote one. I'm very happy with myself. My question is,

what was recognised by the Guinness Book of World Records in 2015 as the longest running annual TV music competition? Eurovision? Eurovision. Oh, I'm so excited. So we were supposed to record this episode a few weeks ago with Dave before he left. And then it obviously got bumped. And when we were like, oh, let's get somebody on.

And you agreed? I was like, I think this might go well. Oh. Is Eurovision? I'm so glad I didn't have a chance to guess because I was going to say Australian Idol. And that's obviously not right. But it's not even the most longest running version of Idol. No.

Just the first one. Ex Factor. And you said Eurovision. Oh. Yeah, that makes sense. That's definitely it. 2015 is the longest running annual TV music competition. It's quite a specific category, isn't it?

It's specific. It's an annual TV music competition. It's been suggested by so many people. Amelia Lennox, Didi, Keeley, Billy, Samuel Sebastian. Evie Morris, Faiz and Moe, Brayden Douglas, Laura Lane, Sheridan Hillman, Steph Da Bourne, Ute-Martins, Chris Williams, Haley Davidson and Philip Glasgow, Galsgard, have all suggested Eurovision. I think quite a few of these suggestions came in around the time of the Will Ferrell movie. I love that movie.

That was a romp. That was a fun romp. And people need to stop taking themselves so seriously. Enjoy the romp. Romp's fun. Oh, that got chat on a bit. Yeah, it did. Oh, that's fine.

I loved it. It was such a, I was in an isolation, I think, at the time. And I'm like, this is exactly what I need. It was so perfect. Perfect for sick. Yeah. I watched it one night when I was making homemade frozen margaritas, got completely shit-faced. Do not remember most of the film.

And it was one of the nights. Remember when we had, like, our web series was coming out? It was also in a lockdown. And we had, like, the episodes came out. on YouTube and we would jump in there and do like chats with people as we watched an episode. Yeah. I was wasted. I have no idea.

I don't know if what I said. I was very drunk. I don't think I noticed. I gave myself alcohol poisoning that night. Did you really? Yeah, it was really bad. That's amazing. Thank you so much.

Wow, Jess. Cool. Yeah, I'm pretty cool. That's actually really badass. What I mean is I did not remember the movie very much and then I started to rewatch it the other day and I was like, this is a romp. That's a romp. I'm sure I enjoyed this the first day. even though I didn't remember what had happened.

So fun, I'm going to have to watch again after hearing this report because I imagine I didn't get a lot of references and stuff. Yeah, quite possibly, yeah. Did you notice all the cameos? No, well, I don't. You don't watch it? I haven't really seen, I've seen, you know, the highlights. I can remember the Viking metal band.

Yes, yeah, yep, Voltron or something. Age of Ultron. Age of Ultron, yeah. And, yeah, there's a lot, yeah, there's a lot, yeah, there's a lot. of um look it's been going for quite some time there's a lot of some pretty wild and fun things that have happened um michelle you're you're a urovision fan i love it and um we've lost him in thought what is it someone im and us you know dammy im australia having princess and my beautiful friend uh montaigne yes oh montaigne's a couple of times yeah absolutely robbed by the lockdown year because that was a

cracking song and a cracking yeah yeah anyway i'm fine about it although we probably shouldn't be in it It's not fair. It's weird. It is weird. But, you know, they're just being inclusive and nice. Yeah, it's lovely. They're like, oh, you guys like it? You can be in it.

Do you want to have a go? It's so nice to give us a go. Thank you. We love to have a go here. Oh, we love to have a go. I'd love to know, maybe this will come up, but I remember reading on Twitter, some Europeans were saying there's going to be backlash.

You're not going to get many votes this year after the Jockovich, Australian Open tennis. Oh, really? Oh, the vaccine thing. Oh, I forgot about that. Did that anything come of that? No, I don't think so. That's really funny.

You'll pay on the Eurovision stage. Eurovision gets very political at times. Very political. Yeah, apparently England never does well because everyone hates them in Europe or something. Or have I made that up? No, that is fair to say. But it was a different year this year.

Different year. But then, anyway, Jess, you please, you tell. This is a long preamble. I'm not going like through the results year by year. Oh, what are we even doing? What is this? Not and Michelle Brazier blow by blow? Fuck is this. 1972.

I want to get every competitor from every year. So, I mean, Eurovision, obviously, a massive topic spanning several decades. And you could just choose one small part of it and do a full report on it. And it's also a bit of a cult favorite. People are incredibly passionate. It's been happening for such a long time that it can be a bit daunting to try and dip your toes in as a new audience member. If you've never watched Eurovision, and I've never, I don't think I have, like, sat down and

watched an entire Eurovision or I've just seen lots of bits and pieces and, but that's the thing. It feels daunting. It's intimidating because of the gatekeepers like Michelle. Yes. I'm not a gatekeeper. Do you name the last three winners of Eurovision? Otherwise, you're not coming to my Eurovision party.

Exactly right. That's what Michelle said last time. Dress up as an iconic Eurovision act or get the fuck out of my house. Name three of the cameos from Will Ferrell's movie. I don't know that much about it. Our friend Rosie knows more than me. She's really good at it. She's good at.

That's the thing Rosie will invite you to a Eurovision party. And I'm always like, I would love to. But I'm scared. It's okay if you don't know. You just come and you just watch it and you enjoy it. I've found that with most of those intimidating worlds. The people who love something, they're normally, once you try, they love inviting new people into their passion.

Yeah, that's what a cult is for. It's happened so many times where I've been like, I'm so sorry. Like when I did this show about beers, I'd say that to all the brewers. I'm like, I really, I'm doing this show. I'm slightly embarrassed that. I'm not really a beer expert. They're like, no, it's fine, you know. And I'm like, oh, you know, I don't know what, I can't tell you what tastes these are.

They're like, it doesn't mean you like it or you're not. That's what's important. Yeah, exactly. Like that happens everywhere. The art show, we've just been filming. Everyone, I'm like, I'm so sorry. I'm talking to this art expert. And like, it's fine.

It's great that you're taking an interest. Yeah. Like, yeah, it's fine. I have to learn that lesson every time. Yeah, you just got to go for it. I'm just, I'm very much one of those people who just ask. I'm just like, come on, I want to learn about the thing. And they're like, I'm just an 11 year old.

That's my general approach. And I think it helps. It's a good approach. And also, I think, you know, what I learned on the Riverdance episode of this podcast is that sometimes when you care, too deeply about something or it is tied so strongly to nostalgia that sometimes you can feel a little defensive or attacked when people make jokes about it. So just to any people out there who are like Eurovision diehards, you absolutely love it. It is very important to you. We are talking

about this as two people who know nothing about it and one person who knows a fair bit and we love it, but it will be lighthearted. I just say that every time now because that river dance really broke me. So yeah, I think what I've done. I don't remember that at all. People still bring it up as it was like traumatic to listen to hearing your heart slowly break. Yeah.

But I just don't remember being like that. Why would you remember it? Why would you remember my heartbreaking? Yeah, I feel like I have some empathy, but I don't think. think I noticed or something. It was such a long time ago. And it was such a long time ago. It was six-ish years ago.

I don't really remember it either. But so what I've done with Eurovision is I've split it into a bunch of subcategories and I'll explain how it started and how it's changed over the years and some fun stories about the drama and controversy and triumph and I'm going to get in as much bonkers as I possibly can. So hopefully this will be a pretty good introduction to people who haven't gotten around Eurovision and for passionate Eurovision viewers. I hope you can find some joy in hearing.

us who have never watched it, learn about it for the first time. Hell yeah. It's an interesting name. Looking forward to finding out how they got to that. Because it's like music competition. Euro, you're like, yeah, Europe, even Australia's involved. But Vision, you feel like that'd be a movie festival or something. A silent movie festival at that.

Because it's on telly. Is it? I'm learning so much already. It's going to be very exciting. So the idea to organise a pan-European musical competition was born at a meeting of the European Broadcast Union in Monaco in 1955. They wanted to unite European countries after World War II and inspired by the San Remo Music Festival in Italy,

it was decided that the first ever Eurovision Song Contest would be hosted the following year in the Swiss Resort of Lugano. I don't know how to say that. I should have looked at it up, but that's how I'm saying. Well, I'm actually one-quarter Swiss Italian. Yep. So one-eight Swiss. Say it again.

It's L-U-G-A-N-O. L-U-G-A-N-O. Lugano. Yeah, perfect. With an Italian accent, that's how you say it. It's close to the border of Italy, I think, Lugano. I'm all right? Yes, yep.

There you go. There would have been probably Italian speakers there in Lugano. Okay, okay, okay. 1956, still very early days for TV. So the first ever contest was primarily a radio broadcast. And it was called Eurovision. Well, yeah, well... What the fuck is going on here?

It's had a few different versions of the names across the... I didn't think you'd be quite so obsessed on the name. So I saw that bit of information. It was like, not as relevant. Okay. But it's been called a few different things, but yeah, it's been called Eurovision for a while. So seven countries participated in the first ever Eurovision.

Do you want to have a stab at who participated? It's got to be Germany. Yes. I think Germany and I think Eurovision for some reason. Yes, Germany. Sweden? No Sweden? Italy?

Italy, yes. England? Nope. Switzerland? Yes, because it's in Switzerland. Okay, that's good. That's good. What else is around there?

Austria? No. France? Yes. That's a good one. And what about Singapore? Singapore, not that year. Okay, that was a wild...

Brisbane. Brisbane did participate. Now, we also had Belgium. Belgium. Netherlands. And, and... and Luxembourg. Good job, everybody.

So yeah, that was the first seven that participated in the first year. Each country submitted two entries. The songs were not to exceed three and a half minutes, and the performers were just having a very big drink of water. He likes to do that when I'm on a telehealth psychology appointment. I really have the mic pick that up, because that was some vicious slurping. And he doesn't just have a little bit of a drink.

He goes for like a solid 10 minutes. And you're like, okay, mate. You got, you're all good? Okay. It's like Jess making frozen margaritas, am I right? He doesn't know when to stop. She can't just have one. So, yeah, each country had two entries and the songs couldn't be longer than three and a half minutes.

And the performers were accompanied by a 24-piece orchestra. 24 is a lot of orchestra. That's a nice orchestra. Yeah. That's nice. That's big enough. That's full enough. Timpany in there.

Probably a timpany, yeah. A couple of trombones, first trombone, second trombone. Yeah, you've got to have two. You have the harmonies. I love a trombone harmony. I'll take second chair. Okay. Second chair trombone.

Okay. Do you play trombone? That way I can sort of just mime it. Yeah, the first really do. Heavy lifting. I'll just move my microphone over to theirs so they get double mic. I literally did that. I played second trombone for a long time.

I would always mime and then once I tell the story my new show, but I once I dropped in a performance, I dropped the slide into the audience because they're not, like, it just flew off. And I was like, oh well, and I started crying. I was 12. And I started crying and I kept miming. That's a performer. Show must go on. That's showbiz, baby.

Still weeping? Yeah, still weeping. Weeping and miming. She's good. That's fun. That's fun. So funny Your parents were so proud

So you may have noticed What I said in there Two entries Each country had two entries This was the only time in which multiple entries Per country was permitted That's amazing So there's only seven of them

So I suppose once you do seven songs You're like, okay So maybe you beef it up a little bit Everyone gets to do two Now the show goes for a couple of hours Yeah That's nice. It was also the only time when voting was held behind closed doors.

We leave the doors open now. Well, with only the winner being announced on stage, all participating countries sent two jury members in order to vote secretly on the songs. They should have got like music execs, not jury members. Yeah, Dicko. Get Dicko in there. Yeah. Not people who were supposed to be busy in the courts.

Yeah, that's right. That's no good. Yeah, that is a mistake. A good point. And the jurors? Yeah, they could, what did you think? Do you think criminals were left out on the streets? Yeah.

Well, they were certainly released. Probably on a rampage. So we don't have enough jurors this week. That's where the purge came from when they got all the jurors. Let that murderer out. Let him tell him to go back to that primary school. Yeah. Honestly.

He didn't get all the children last time. This is, I think that's not on. I'm glad they changed that the following year. Same. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the other thing that seems a little bit silly is that the jurors were allowed to vote for whatever country they wished, including their own. So was it a, everyone was two.

By the next year, the use of a scoreboard and public announcement of the voting, inspired by the BBC's Festival of British Popular Songs, was introduced and has been used ever since. So they're kind of, yeah, that very public, the scoreboard and you've got all the different votes and it all gets tallied up. That's been happening since the second year. Inspired by the BBC's really well-titled festival of British popular the songs.

I think the BBC, they know how to party, don't they? They know how to really go wild. What do we name it? Let's describe it in a lot of words. Make that the title. The winning song for the first ever Eurovision was Refrain, performed by Liz Asia from Switzerland. Ah, very proud of my compatriot.

Am I saying that right? Yes. I think if the BBC named Eurovision, it would have been called the European Festival. of music and vision. Yes. Contest. That's nice.

That's nice, actually. Colon. Enjoy yourselves out there. Yeah, everyone. This is for fun. All credit to the boys. All credit of the boys. Go out, give 110%.

Doing our best. Had a couple of difficult decisions from the ref out there, but good on you for staying civil. The boys. I love the boys. Not making excuses, but, you know, A few didn't go our way this week. So, yeah, the host was Switzerland, the winner was Switzerland,

and Liz is the only Swiss contestant to have ever won the Eurovision Song Contest. As Switzerland's only other winner was a French-Canadian performer, who I'll talk a little bit more about later. Okay. French Canadian? Who could it be? Could it be? Tips and gravy.

It's protein. It's protein. It's routine. I didn't want to spoil it. Just on the stage. But yeah, routine one. Everyone looks at putteen for a bit. Poutine for Switzerland.

Poutine for Switzerland. Everyone's saying it in streets. It was actually really beautiful. It was a very moving performance. Yeah. The orchestra doing a lot of the heavy lifting on that one, but yeah, beautiful piece. So a lot of changes were made in the early years of the competition. And it grew quite quickly.

The second year, 1957, Austria, Denmark and the UK joined the contest for the first time, along with the seven who'd competed the year before. And the contest was held in Frankfurt in Germany. I've got to why I said it like that, but I did. While TV was on the rise, this contest was still primarily broadcast on radio. And in contrast to the year before, duos were now permitted in the contest. Exciting stuff. We're going to have the white stripes?

White stripes were in there. Black keys. Black keys are in there. Sunny and Cher were in there. Popular comedy duo Annie and Lena. Annie and Lena were in there. Martin Malloy. Martin Malloy were there.

Steve, Martin, Martin Short. Yes, they were there. Bert Newton, second bananaing to the king, Graham Kennedy. Yeah, they were there. Darrell Summers and the puppet. Ozzy Osbourne, or Aussie ostrich. Ozzy Osbourne and the bat. And the bat were there.

That's why you're thinking. But they were both there, yes, but in separate duos. Anyway, so you're lots of duos. Tony Walker kicking it. Nikki Wimar kicking to Tony. Locket. Yeah, and that was their performance. It was beautiful, actually.

Beautiful, poetry and motion. God, they're good. History was set that year by Danish duo, Bertha Wilkie and Gustav Winkler, incredible names, who shocked the audience with a passionate kiss at the end of their performance. Ooh, Mama.

Remains the longest kiss in the history of Eurovision. Whoa. I love that. It's a second year. How European. They had a passionate kiss at the end of their song. I'm obsessed with that. Hopefully it was a love song.

Otherwise, it was so out of context. It was like funny and silly. Yeah, hopefully it was like a song trying to incite war. Yeah. Then they kissed at the end of something. Yeah. Like a sexy, sexy war. Yeah.

Which would have been great around that time. Let's have. Trying to make a war sexy. War with our mouths. Yeah. I miss the year. This is 57. 57.

Oh, good year. A great year. Australia got TV the year before. That's right. But yeah, like, we had TV. They had TV. but it still wasn't like one in every household, you know. It blew up quickly, but not that quick.

Yeah. So, yeah, it is being, it is being filmed, but it's only being broadcast on like one or two, in one or two countries, and it's mostly radio at this stage. I read that the long kiss happened because a member of the production staff forgot to signal that the kiss should end.

Oh, is the choreograph kiss? Got their eyes open and they're looking at it, is it, no, no, keep on. Good, okay. No, it said, keep going. The producers doing that stretch motion. They're like, do we do that with our saliva? Yeah, with the tongues? Is that a tongue thing?

Okay. Germany's entry, performed by Margaret Heischler, featured a telephone during the performance. The first gimmick to appear in the hearing of some context. I didn't know they did gimmicks. The first of many. Telephone, what a gimmick. It'll never take off.

Yeah, they're like, look at this. The first time, um, this time the rules on the length of song were also loosened so there's quite a contrast in length of songs the UK entry was like a minute 52 whereas the Italian it's like a punk song was it yeah the Italian one went for five minutes love it and even though the rules suggested that the show and even though the rules suggested that a song shouldn't exceed three minutes the Italian entry wasn't disqualified despite heavy protests Yes. The incident led to the restriction of each song to last a maximum of three minutes.

And unlike the previous year, national juries could not vote for their own song, a rule that still applies today. You can't just all turn up and vote for yourself. I think that's a good rule. I'm going to give all of my points to Australia, I think. Yeah. Just thinking about it.

They were really good. They were just very good. I like the little dancers. I like the jackets. I got good jackets. I just think they're good jackets. I came here with an open mind. I was really thought, you know, I wouldn't be voting for Australia.

Yeah, if anything, I, as an Australian, hate Australia. But if any, I'm harder on Australia than anyone else. But, yeah, they were just easily the best in my opinion. They moved me. Yeah. And they're my housemate. And my son. I didn't want to make it awkward.

The Netherlands won the second Eurovision Song Contest and Dutch TV was the proud host in 1958. It was the first time that the winning country from the previous year had hosted the contest and that's been a tradition over the six decades with a few exceptions. So there have been six previous occasions in which a different nation has stepped up to host

and it's often for a very similar reason each time. So as the inaugural winner of the contest, Switzerland was invited to host in 1957 as well. However, they declined because they just held the first one in 1956, and they didn't want to host for a second time, so Frankfurt took it. Similar reason why in 1959, the Netherlands didn't host the 1960 contest. They'd hosted only a couple of years earlier. So the UK steps in and hosts in 1960.

The BBC in the United Kingdom stepped up again just three years later, when in 1962 winner France declined to host due to the financial constraint of having just hosted in 1959 and 61. So a lot of the time they're like, we just keep winning. Yeah. We just hosted it. You just want to share it around if that's okay. Yeah, there's a lot of, there's like a lot of criteria and it's a lot of money goes into hosting

and having a place big enough to facilitate. Is it like a tourist thing? Do people come from around the world to visit it? Yeah, right. And also it brings a lot of, like, it's not just performers coming over. Then you've got, like, all the TV crews from every country. You've got judges from every country. It's like, it just brings a lot of people.

So you've got to have the infrastructure to hold the show, but then also accommodate all those people. And, yeah. Is it the telecast live these days? Like, if you go there, would you just, would it feel like you're just enjoying a show? Or is it more like a TV production where they're like, all right, hold there?

No. Another round of applause. I don't know. I don't think it would be like that. When they do like, well, when we were filming mad as hell, it didn't feel the same as the Eurovision vibe. Right. No. I think it is live.

I think so, yeah. Or, you know, potentially a slight delay because you have to watch it at like 2am. Yeah, yeah. In Australia. That's not just because that's the only time SBS can squeeze it in. It's quite a long show. So we've got a really. I wish you'd given us a little more warning.

Going to wiggle some stuff around. In 1971, the winner Monaco were unable to meet the demands of hosting the competition, including finding a suitable venue. So the 1972 contest took place in the Scottish city of Edinburgh. I love Edinburgh so much. The best. So you could go, what's the venue? You could go get a photo at the front.

Probably assembly, George Square Garden. Probably the box. Whoa. 80-seater would probably do it. I'd say. Yeah. This was the first time that the BBC had chosen a venue outside of London to stage Eurovision. Oh, so the network's choosing.

Yeah. So it's, yeah, so it's not the country. It's not the government making the call. It's probably a bit of both. Yeah, of course. It'd have to be, right? So if Montane won. Yeah. She'd have it at her house. Oh, Montaigne would have to have it. At her house, yeah, yeah, yeah. I imagine she's got a pretty big place. It's an apartment, but I think there's a couple bedrooms.

I'm not sure. Yeah, I think that should be fine. One of those could be used for, you know, all the tech. Totally. Hang out out the front and then just come in when it's your turn or something. Yeah, come in when it's your turn. One is a green room. That'd be good.

That'd be good. And does it say, what, six, seven thousand? Probably. Yeah, I'd have to check. I'd have to check. It's a bit deceptive, isn't it? You know, because you look around this apartment, you go, you couldn't fit six, seven thousand people in it. But I have.

Yeah, okay. I've done it before and I'll do it again. Do it again. Ah, no. No. Some seated. Less seated. But definitely standing room up the back.

I've just looked it up and the place in Edinburgh where it was, I've been there. Where is it? Usher Hall. Usher Hall. Mm. I don't know that I've been, but that's cool. Yeah. Well, yeah, and the early days it was, it was smaller.

There weren't as many countries participating and so it was probably a little easier in the early days, but now it's huge. So having won the contest in both 1972 and 1973. Luxembourg declined to host for a second success of year. Luxembourg. I couldn't tell you a thing about Luxembourg. Or now I could. Back-to-back winners of Eurovision.

That's right. And it's a fantastic number of a country. It's great. Luxembourg. So good. They're like, we can't host it again. We're busy. So BBC again took over.

And then this time they hosted in the seaside town of Brighton. Oh, Broughton. Israel declined to host the contest for a second year. in a row due to financial constraints after winning in both 1978 and 1979 and the United Kingdom, who is a go-to plan B, also declined. So Dutch broadcasters hastily agreed to stage the event in the Netherlands. So yeah, a lot of the time it's like we just did it. Yeah.

We cannot afford it. And then somebody else will step in. But for the most part, there's only like six times or something in the last 60 years, for the most part if you win you you host. And a lot of them are saying, no, we just hosted because we keep winning. Yeah. So I wonder if, uh, knowing that the winner is going to host at the next summer, I wonder if any of the judges are like, no way, I want to go next year.

I want to go, I want to go hang out on a beach. So I'm going to pick. Yeah. Is Hawaii, do they got a team? Fiji. Fiji. Fiji. I want a beach.

There's also an issue. interesting bit of drama after the 1969, nice contest. The contest which was held in Madrid famously had joint winners. And not just two joint winners, but four. Oh, la la. That's, yeah, that's kind of half-assing

your job as a judge. Four out of who? Four out of how many do you are? No, I don't know. It would be so many. It's like a quarter of the field or something. By this time, this is 1969. What an asshole you'd feel like if you didn't win.

Oh, honestly, I was at the Green Room Awards, ceremony the other night. There was like a category where there was only four nominated and there was a three-way tie. Oh, that's brutal. I was like, how dare you? I was so mad. That is, I'm going to write a letter about this. This is no good.

That's no good. That sucks. Oh my God. So you're, someone's there. Yeah. And they're going, oh my God, it's a three-way tie. And so they're reading the names. Hopefully they brought all the four nominees onto the stage.

No, absolutely not. No, a crown. And then through Poo at the ball. Idiot, idiot, idiot, yeah, yeah. Push them off the stage. You go over there. Disgrace. So yeah, four joint winners.

The UK, Spain, Netherlands and France all finished with 18 points at the conclusion of voting. And none of them wanted to host them. Well, that's exactly right. The UK had hosted in 1968. Spain had hosted in 1967. So they drew a ballot between the Netherlands and France. and the Netherlands was chosen as the host country for the 1970 show. Only 12 countries participated as Finland, Norway, Portugal, Sweden and Austria,

all boycotted in protest of the four-way tie. Oh, wow, that's weird. And this led to the creation of a tiebreaker rule to avoid a repeat of events. We don't like it when everyone wins. How funny though that five countries are like, we're not fucking coming. Yeah. How dare you. They were all ones who weren't in the four.

Is that right? Yeah, that's right. It wasn't, they were like, we don't want to share our win. Yeah, we should have won. We want more losers with us. Yeah. This is bullshit. We're coming here to win not to tie.

You see that video that started going around again, but it was from maybe the last Olympics. We're two high jumpers, or pole vaulters or something. High jump. And they were like, they did a few tie rounds or something. I was still on a tie. And they're like, we can go on another tie round. And one of the competitors was like, can we just share it? And the guy's like, well, there's nothing in the rule books that said you can or whatever.

Oh, yeah. I remember crying my eyes out about that. It's the best. And then they're just both. It's lovely. Oh, like all friendship. I remember at the time reading that they like good friends and they train a lot together. Isn't that so nice?

So it's just like, and yeah, I think the guy who suggests, she's going to cry again. The guy who suggests sharing it, I think, like, was in the lead, kind of, like, if, I think, from memory. So it's really good sportsmanship. And they're both crying. I was thinking, would have been... I was crying. So nice. I really like it.

Would it mean a bit of fun if the guy suggested it and the other guy was like, nah, let's go on. I'm going to go for it. And then he loses. You would say that coward. That's what you get. But not being nice. Yeah, you don't get that at Eurovision, though. You get people boycotting because people tied.

Not on. Not happening. Beautiful. By the late, by the 1960s, between 16 and 18 countries were regularly competing each year. So it's definitely growing. So when you say four tied, probably 16 and 18 countries were competing. Countries from outside the traditional boundaries of Europe began entering the contest. And countries in Western Asia and North Africa.

Africa started to compete in the 70s and 80s. And following the breakup of the Soviet Union, more countries wanted to join in the 1990s. Let's have it. Let's have a sing. You know what? Let's have a play sing. I'd love to have a sing.

What a shame they box themselves in with the name. They just called it singing comp. Yeah, rather than Eurovision. It hasn't affected it in any way. It's true. We keep doing it. So yeah, African country. Singing comp would have done better?

Yeah. Singing comp. Comp. Singing comp The next singing comp winner is And then instrumentalist It would be like Oh great

Yeah Fantastic Tommy Emanuel's like Fuck me Yeah What am I then I'm chopped liver over here Yeah

I'm funny Tommy fucking Emmanuel I'm Tommy fucking Emmanuel He is like that And he hits you with his guitar Yeah He smashes his guitar He says

Oh great Now my guitar is Yeah Hey You got a very clumsy face I can't I can't I'm talking

Tommy Emmanuel seems very nice He should have to just have a lot of singing. It's very unlikely to smash you in the head. Yeah, I don't think he does that at all. He loves his guitars too much. So they're his children. Can't pick a favourite.

In 93 and 94, a then record of 25 countries took part. In 96, a pre-qualification heat was organised to reduce 29 participants to 23, while host country Norway automatically qualified for the contest as the 24th country. So we've got too many people wanting to participate now. It's too many. We're going to have to do pre-qualify. So some people had a go and did not make it to Eurovision. Devastating.

Some countries would just say, no. I bet those countries love that Australia is in it. They would love it so much. This challenge was solved in 2004 when a semi-final was introduced. Hell yeah. So growing interest led to the introduction of a second semifinal in 2008. As a result, a record number of 43 countries took part in 2008 for the first time. And this also occurred in 2011.

and 2018. 43 countries. It's awesome. How many in the world? Like a thousand? That's a big percentage. I think it's about a thousand countries. I have no idea how many countries there are.

Dave would know for sure. He'd know the exact amount. It's like 160 or something like that. Is it? 160 countries. Is that right? I've got the number 127 in my head. And I think that might be from 127 hours.

27 hours. It's 195 countries. 195. That's heaps. This total comprises 193 countries that are members states of the United Nations and two countries. that are non-member observed states. The Holy See and the state of Palestine.

Okay. Yeah, I was going to say there's other ones. Yeah, there's like... Does that include the Vatican? Yeah, because like Palestine. Yeah, the Vatican. Yeah. What do you do when there's like...

Does it count sea land? Yeah, or New Zealand. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Tasmania. Doesn't include Tasmania. It says people also ask which country is number one in world. I wonder who's asking that. And the answer is United States.

The United States of a... America is a North American nation that is the world's most dominant economic and military power. Number one. Which country is number one? U.S. They're so special. They're special. I love that.

I love them. I love them. I want to go there. I want to experience the number one country. I'm going in a week. What's this trip? So you're going to Edinburgh and you're going to the United States of America? I'm going to the United States and I'm going, well, listen, I can't, before I get to Edinburgh,

I am doing something that is a secret. When does this come out? 20, yeah, late July. No, yeah, late July. After the 25th of July? Yeah. I'm doing Montreal. Montreal Festival.

It's not called Montreal Festival. That's not what it's called. I'm doing Jasper laughs, Montreal. That's so exciting. Yeah, but it's embargoed currently. Yeah. So close your ears, Matt. I'm sorry, I've just tweeted it in real time.

Close your ears, Jess's dog goose. I'll be there for just for laughs, which is an absolute honour. I'm going to, they're opening up new faces to international place people. New faces is like a big showcase where they're like, these are the new cool faces of comedy. It launched like Amy Schumer and Kevin Hart and like Pete Davidson.

So you're going to be, while the time this episode comes out, you're going to be launched. I'm going to be launched and I hope I land safely. I'm going to New York before that. What level of fame do you have to get to before you will ditch me? Never. No, don't say that.

Don't say that, though. Jess, if I get to a level of fame where I would ditch you, I would hire you to just be around. I'd be like, I'll pay for you and I'll pay for your friends to come and do the podcast in the house. Your friends. I'm not going to list the two people, but I'll... Who are they? What are they?

And the rest. The boys. The boys. I'll bring the boys. Or any two boys you wish. Okay, great. Yeah. Okay, that's good to me.

Which I'm sure I will reach those dizzying heights. You can be like... I'll be your turtle. I could just be your little friend that you pay to like be my friend with you. Yeah, I'd love that. I'd love that. Oh, that'd be so fun. All right, great.

It's good to get that on the record for when you do inevitably get far too famous. Jess, you can be Johnny Drama. It's really easy to get that famous. Alby Turtle and Dave can be, I haven't seen entourage on time. I haven't seen entourage at all. Okay. I understand the reference. There's another one in that group.

Yeah, the other one. Dave can be the other one. Turtle's the real reference that I got. Yeah. Turtle's the one that comes straight to mine. I've seen the program on the ads. Yeah. It's a good show, isn't it?

No issues. Dave's E, that makes sense. Yeah, it makes sense. The manager. Yeah, God, he loves admin. Does he? I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. Never met him. I haven't met him. And to be honest, I love admin. So who am I to judge? Anyway, back to Eurovision. Okay. Let's go.

No turtles in this. Or are there? Not yet. They open it up to the sea When I get to represent Australia in Eurovision I'm going to have turtles in my act That's a gimmick A telephone and a turtle

And not people dressed as turtles Real turtles in a big pool And I'm swimming and I'm swimming and I'm singing And I'm swimming with my turtles But the turtles are fine with it Oh they love it They love it, they're fine with it And then the turtles

And then we raise enough money to save all the turtles Yeah And the turtles are really happy that they did that I think that would be so... And we get local turtles. We are definitely going to employ local turtles. We're not importing turtles. I said twirls.

So whatever the... Local twirls, yes. Local turtles, yeah, absolutely. These twirls are local. So wherever you're performing, you'll... Local turtles. You'll get local turtles. Bolivian turtles.

And I always do. For Edinburgh Fringe, I'll have the local turtles. I won't be importing turtles. I believe in employing local jobs for local turtles. Yeah. She's always said that. I've always said that. Even before she was mega-franchis.

famous she said that. This makes me sound racist. I was trying to sound like supportive of, but now I'm starting to think that I sound like one of those, they took our jobs. People, you know, those people who are afraid of migrants. So I'm going to, I'm going to employ local migrants turtles. Okay. Which I think is all turtles. I think they're migrant, yeah, local migrant turtles that come from lower socioeconomic backgrounds. Wow. Lift them up. Yeah. And empower them. They're all female turtles. They want to empower them to educate their families and get another go. Because successful women raise up other women.

Do you know what? That is the best thing that you can do. If you're like trying to improve a country's economic, whatever, the best thing you can do is empower the women. Educate the women and empower the women. Yeah. Because they're better. They're just better.

It's just a better use of resources. They just gets us done. Michelle, you're really stepping on my toes. I'm the feminist part. Okay. Do you want to get, just get you clean saying because they're better? Because they're better. Women are better.

That's, oh, yes. Thank you. Great job. Thank you. You're so right. It's good having an ally on the podcast. I'll take this one. Women are better.

And yeah, I'm willing to go anywhere. I'll speak at any event for a price and say that. Yeah. Okay. If there are any big feminist events that are on, I'll be on your panel. Julia Gillard's doing her speech, I think, at the Arts Center. Yeah, great. Well, I mean, to me, that feels a little inappropriate.

Oh, does it? Yeah, I think I should be doing it. You could go and do it. You could go and do the speech. When has Julia Gillard ever publicly shown any sort of feminist credentials? That's true. It's funny. Oh, I used to be prime minister.

Now I want to take jobs from other feminists. Local turtles. Working in the field for, you know, years. Yeah. Yeah. We're so lucky to have you. I'm not going to take that. I'm not going to take that kind of misogyny from her.

Not now, not ever. Anyway, so technological developments have transformed the contest. Color broadcast began in 1968, satellite broadcast in 85, and streaming in 2000. Does 2,000 feel early for streaming? That's an early stream. Well, yeah. Feels early. I'd say yes.

It would have been in 8 bit, probably. Was Mario Mario on that year for Italy? Probably. I think it's live streaming? Yeah. Like seeing things live, is that streaming? Or do they think that maybe they got Netflix? really early.

Because it was YouTube around that early? YouTube is a streaming service. Yeah. Not 2000. I feel like YouTube was like 2006. Oh, do you know what? I have no idea. Maybe it was 2000.

I don't know. I'm not a scientist so I wouldn't want to say. It was like Google 99? Didn't we learn that one of their live shows? I believe that. Gone of the days as well of a show that lasts a couple of hours. Since 2008, each contest is typically formed of three live television shows held over one week.

Two semifinals are held on Tuesday and Thursday, followed by the final on the Saturday. All participated countries compete in one of the two semifinals, except for the host country of that year's contest and the contest's biggest financial contributors known as the Big Five. France, Germany, Italy, Spain and the UK. Do you buy your way into the final? They all automatically make it into the final every year. This taints the whole enterprise for me. The Big Five plus the host country are always in the final.

the final. Jeez. Interesting. Isn't that? The remaining countries are split between the two semi-finals and then the 10 highest scoring entries in each qualify to add up to 26 countries competing in the final. It's amazing. Okay, so a little bit about how the show and voting works.

So to answer some questions about what happens at a Eurovision show and how does voting work, I turn to a Eurovision appreciation website I found called Wikipedia.org. Okay. It says each show typically begins with an opening act consisting of music and or dance performances by invited artists, which contribute to a unique theme and identity created for that year's event. Themes that have been in place since 2002, some of my favorite themes include 2008's Confluence of Sound and 2012's Light Your Fire. Oh yeah, come on, baby. I also really enjoy the contrast between years.

Like 2017's theme was Celebrate Diversity, and then the next year was All Aboard. T-to-do! Can't believe they didn't ask me to perform that year. I just really love the ones like, hey, let's make the theme celebrate diversity. The next year it's like, let's make it boats. Or plates. It's very funny.

I think of trains when I hear all aboard. Oh, do you? I think there could be so many things. All the board is actually quite broad. That's a boat thing. Is it normally a boat thing? All aboard. They say it in Titanic. They say it in Titanic.

Oh, man. But also I think it means any, I could say getting into my car. Two toot. I could say it, you know, hopping into bed and then inviting my partner into bed. I can say, all aboard. All aboard bed. Yep. Tim hops on.

The dog hops on. And then I say, too, toot. And off we go. Everyone is aboard. Everyone's a board. And I say, careful when I're lighting the bed. Mind the gap. It was a bit of fun.

YouTube was founded in 2005. Okay, there you go. It's for people who are... Who are yelling at their iPods? Yeah, or I'd just been like, when? When? When was it? Because he could be driving in your car.

That's when I listened to this podcast. All right. You couldn't be Googling because you shouldn't be on your phone. No, absolutely not. This is something I loved very much as well. Since 2013, the opening of the contest's final has included a flag parade with competing artists entering the stage behind their country's flag in a similar manner to the Olympic Games.

Love it, love it, love it, love it. Love that. Love that so much. Viewers are welcomed by one or more presenters who provide key updates during the show. They're like the hosts. They conduct interviews with competing acts in the green room. They guide the voting procedure in English and French. They need to be able to speak both.

That's one of the criteria for the hosts. You have to be able to speak English and French. I love that. I love that about French people, that they're like, no, it's the language that we speak and you will all speak it. Absolutely not. As they should. I love it. so much.

And then English-speaking people are like, oh, can't you speak English? And they're like, yes, can you speak French, please? Fuck you. Like, I love that attitude. I love the, yeah. I also don't speak French. So, like, I obviously suffer from it.

But I'm trying to learn. Well, yeah, I think, like, I think as English speakers, we go anywhere in the world and we're like, you will figure out to. It's like, you'll figure it out. It's like, no, you came to me. Yeah. You figure it out.

I think that's very fair. Yeah. I did find in France, they, if you aren't very, good at French. They don't want you to even try. I think it's insulting to them that you... I think with particular types of Australian accents, Matt, in particular, maybe yours, might be upsetting for you to try a bit of French.

Bonjour. Oh, that's actually quite nice. What I was told was to like, to try and, yeah, say bonjour and then be like, uh, these are English? And then they'll usually be like, yes, I'm speaking. It's what do you need? But it's like, if you just try, if you walk up and go, hello, they're like, uh, no, I don't speak English.

Yeah, just have a bit of respect. Yeah, have a crap. Just have a go. Have a go. We were really shocked one time in, where were we? Amsterdam? And we sat down at a cafe and the guy just brought over English menus. And we were like, how did you know?

He goes, yeah, right. You were wearing an Australian flag cape. Well, yeah. It was chilly that day. And a core cat. It's got to be cold. Take your cap. So after all the songs we've performed, each country will give

two sets of maybe this is not explained the best. So each country gives, they have two sets of points. Two points. One sets given by a jury of five music industry professionals

and one set given by viewers at home. And so you essentially go, like, I want to give this person one point all the way up to eight and then you have 10 and 12, which are you like, you want to give the most points to your favourite. And yes, so there's two sets of that coming from each country.

The public vote comprises 50% of the final result alongside the views of a jury, obviously. The results of the voting are subsequently announced. In the semifinal, the 10 highest ranked countries are announced in a random order, with the full results undisclosed. In the final, the presenters calls upon a representative spokesperson for each country to announce their jury's points, while the results of the public vote are subsequently announced by the presenters. So it's just like it's one of my favorite parts of the show.

It sounds like it goes for a while. It goes for ages, but it's one of my favorite parts. And is it normally everyone kind of knows which way it's going by then? It can be a real surprise. Yeah, wow. It can be a surprise because it's 50-50. If your audience thinks completely different to your jury, which has happened, it can just be like, it's definitely going this way, it's definitely going this way.

And then it can go a different way. I mean, it's a pretty good indication, but like it is absolutely, you know, kerfballs, kerfels, kerfels. And I'm guessing that the popular vote, you can't vote for your own. country as well? Yeah. I don't think so, no. I think so, yeah.

So big expat communities would help you. Oh, yeah, true. Yep. Definitely. Yeah. Definitely. But I think people vote with respect in Eurovision. Yeah, they take it as it's their honor.

It's their privilege. They'll take it seriously. Yeah. I think so. And when you win, you brought on stage, you get a trophy. And it's usually given by the previous year's winner. And then you do your winning song again. Yeah.

you get to do it again, which is great, because you've just been crying. Because you just weren't, you're like, and you have to do it again. But less pressure on it. It'd just be maybe a bit more joyous or something. It's very joyous, but it's always very like, oh, gosh, and if they have dances, the dancers are really tired. Like, just like, oh, it's so exciting.

And you're all so, I cry, I cry, I cry, I cry, I cry, I cry, I cry, I cry. I cry a lot. But it rarely turns into like a big break. Like, usually they don't go on to be household names. Is that right? Well, I think it's, it can. And I think it's, changes. It changes. It depends.

The rules have changed a little bit over the years. The main vocals of the competing song must be sung live on stage. However, other rules on pre-recorded musical accompaniments have changed over time. So the orchestra was really a prominent feature for the contest from 1958 to 1956 to 1998. Pre-recorded backing tracks were first allowed in the contest in 73, but under this rule, the only instrument which could be pre-recorded had to also be seen being performed on stage. So like if you had a drum track pre-recorded,

you had to have somebody on stage miming playing the drums. Wacking away at the drums. Which I don't, yeah, which is a bit interesting. In 97, this rule was changed to allow all instruments to be pre-recorded. However, the host country was still required to provide an orchestra. In case someone wanted to use it. Yeah. I think that's good.

It keeps the orchestra employed. I love orchestras. Oh, that's true, actually, yeah. Local migrant orchestra. Yeah. Women. Women. Women.

Or women orchestras. Yeah. Or just all... The most ethical orchestra you can have. Yeah, yeah. Whatever that is. Yep. But present day rules of the contest now specify that all instrumental music

should be pre-recorded and there's no live instrumentation allowed. So it's changed a lot. It's not allowed. Wait, what? Everything has to be live. Then it was like you could have a backing track, but there's an orchestra there if you want it. And now it's like, It's all.

That means like that metal band that won it. I didn't know this. They were just miming or the singer is singing live. Singing's always live. But they would have pre-recorded. But I mean, it does help any technical difficulties not happen. Because imagine like the technical team trying to get on one band and then another and then another. When we did that ABC radio show earlier in the year, didn't you have some weird technical playback issue?

Oh, that was horrendous. Yes. I was like, what is this? but I've blocked it from my mind. Yes. I'm glad to bring up that trauma. No, it was okay, because it was a live broadcast on the radio. And so they were playing my track on the radio.

And this was the same. I couldn't, I didn't have a musician. I just had a track. And usually I would have a musician, but I just had this track because it was just going to be easier for them. And they played the track on the radio, but they didn't play it in my ballback speakers. So the radio could hear the track.

I could not hear the track. The audience could hear some of the track. but I just had to sing and it was live and I was like I don't know what's going on I have no I cannot help you and I just had like halfway through the song I just had to be like I listen this is it's not coming out of these speakers that you can like I can't do this I'm really sorry it was horrendous it apparently heads rolled over that the other brutal thing about it is that any other show just a straight music show people would be like okay she's obviously being sincere but that kind of show they're like it's a comedy show yeah and so they're like oh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

no it's awful it's really awful and then i had to hang around for ages because everyone was like oh my god are you okay and i was like i had to stay and prove that i was okay yeah like i couldn't just leave immediately i was in the green room as because they're yeah all the producers they were saying there's a few of them they were saying on the it might not have sounded right to you but at home it sounded so perfect and you were like no no no that don't you don't lie to me. That's not true. You can't, I can't just, I'm not singing in time or in tune. I can't hear the song. I didn't finish it. Yeah, heaps of people being like, no, no, it was fine. It was actually really good. No one could tell. I was like, I addressed the issue verbally.

They could all tell. There was no way you couldn't get around it. It was really, it was really bad technical issue. Very, very bad. So yeah, when things are live, I can understand why they've done that. Yeah, maybe. But it's sad. It is a bit, isn't it? It's interesting how, and I love an orchestra so much. Interesting how it's changed. But they'll still be paying to pre-record them and they'll pre-record them specifically for the show and yeah, you'd think they'd be like a super well machine. Yeah. I mean, music festivals do it, but then sometimes things go wrong.

There's a big change over time at music festivals. There's no change over time at Eurovision. Yeah, that's right. There's a lot of time to set up. So, yeah, and before 2020, all vocals, all vocals were required to be performed live. even like backing tracks and stuff you couldn't have any vocals on a backing track it could just be instrumentation

and then ahead of the 2021 contest in an effort to make it a little more flexible to change following because it had been cancelled in 2020 they were sort of like what if people turn up and their backing dancers got COVID the singers got COVID or something and backing vocals are hard to replace

totally so they're like okay you have the option you can have pre-recorded backing vocals yeah that's a very slope I'm going to tell you Well for my show This comedy festival Because I had a full band I had pre-recorded tracks of each Each instrument

In case anyone went down Would not of me Because they would have noticed I wasn't there Because they were paying to come and see me Just a band with the pre-recorded I would happily watch the show And every bit where you're talking

Is just the boys standing there in silence Just waiting Just Tim smiling At you Tim smiling Giggling a little bit Yeah And then he'll say his line

still and the music still comes in. That would be a bit of fun. Or you have a big box on the stage with a question mark on it. Like a Michelle size box. And then you've pre-recorded everything. Small, petite. And at the start you say, this festival, some nights I'm here and some nights I'm not. Am I here tonight?

Anyway, enjoy the show. It'll be revealed at the end. It opens the door and it's empty. And everyone applauds. Wow. They'll be like, wow. Because like your charm and stage presence is like a tiny bit of why the shows. It's about it.

It's about the writing. It's about the writing. Writing that's good. You don't even have to turn it up. Yeah, no, you're right. I'm not coming in, bro. I don't reckon I'll go. Send the box.

Yeah, I'll send a box. Send a box and a tape. Send a box to the box. That's my venue. That's good. Okay. Now next is language. So all competing entries must.

include vocals and lyrics of some kind. Purely instrumental pieces have never been allowed. Tommy Emmanuel is spinning in his grave. He's very upset. He's alive, isn't he? Yes. But he will spin in his grave one day. I think you can still spin in your grave.

You can get in and have a little spin and then you can hop back out. You want to take your grave through a little spin? Yeah, yeah. It's good to take it for a spin because you don't know if it's comfortable. Got a test drive it. Two, two. Yeah, two. You're going to be there for eternity.

You're going to be there for eternity. That's what I always say. Always try before you buy. You do say that. Specifically about graves. It is weird. Yeah. I'm really into them.

Go on Edinburgh, heaps of churchyards. Kirkyards. Go check them out. Love it. Greyfriar bobbies. Love it. Looking forward to it. Love an old Scottish graveyard.

Oh, gorgeous. Went to one where my ancestors were and I was just like full of stewards. I'm like, this is sick. Yeah, it's so cool. Last guy, we killed for, like capital punishment there was the steward. Wow. What did he do?

No, no worry. I don't want to know. Was there something bad? I think he was maybe too charming. Too charming, too sexy. We got to kill this guy. It's too much.

None of us other fellas have got a chance. That's really tough. They put him in a box. Yep, that's right. Didn't even let him test it out first. So language, from 56 to 65, there were no rules in place to dictate

which language a country could perform in. However, all entries up until 1964 were performed in one of the country's national languages. In 65, Sweden broke this tradition by performing in English, and a new language rule was subsequently introduced for the 66 contest for all competing countries, preventing entries from being performed in any other language other than one, like other than one of their recognized national languages. So, like, Sweden, the rules changed because Sweden was in English, and they're like, nah, it's got to be one of your languages.

That's crazy. It's very weird. They didn't want Sweden poaching all the English-speaking votes. Yes. Shut up. If Sweden can speak English. Let them sing in English. Yeah, that's very strange.

It's very strange. And that happened to say me that the Saints won their one-and-only premiership. I know. Wild coincidence. The language rule was abolished in 73, allowing all participating countries to sing in their language of their choice. Okay, so I want to make a case for Tommy Emanuel. His language of choice. is the guitar.

Yeah, you're right. You're not wrong. He makes it sing. He does. That's true. Live. So, yeah. Well, okay, so they got rid of the rule.

Then they brought it back in 1977 saying, no, you can't be, it's got to be one of your national languages. It's so weird. And then they abolished it again in 99. And since the abolition of the language rule, the large majority of entries at each year's contest are now performed in English. Yeah, I think I guess that the, I sort of get it then why they, it feels like they were stopping it from being all English, which probably maybe does take something away from the international vibe.

Yeah, yeah. Well, you can still, like, people usually will sing in a combination. Yeah. Except for the English people. Yeah, they've... Although sometimes it's very just like, ding dong, ding bidong, dong, dong, you know, English. Yeah, yeah. Love English.

It seems, it does Evan Floo a little bit nowadays at the 2017 contest, contest only four songs didn't contain any English lyrics. And one of those songs actually won. Tut tut. It's fun. Portugal's Salvador Sobrales victory in that year's contest was a song in Portuguese, which meant in the 2018 contest saw an increased number of entries in languages other than English. Hell yeah.

A trend which is repeated in 2019. So it's like more recently countries are like, oh, we'll sing in our language. Yeah. Whatever. Like it really doesn't matter. sing in whatever language you want to sing in. Yeah. You do you.

Oh my God, yes. Thank you. Thank you for summing it up. That's exactly what I meant. You do you. In 2021, the first, second and third places were all won by non-English songs for the first time since 1995. 2021. Isn't that cool?

Who won 2021? I don't know. Michelle, no, that was last year. No. No. Secret. I'm starting to wonder if you're the same. I never think of a big shi-a-nato.

I just said I like it. No, I do know who won in 2021. Hang on. She knows. She's just got to look it up on her phone. Normally, like it makes the news here, the winner normally. It'll be on the next day's news. Yeah.

But I don't watch the news. Oh, I do. No, yes, it was Italy. And it was, yeah, that was amazing, actually. As the winner bloody should be. That was very good. Did they sing, etka la bocca, bocca. I don't know what that means.

That was the song we learned in... No, they did not do that. I'm so sorry. I think they had, I guess, fake instruments, I think, if I'm remembering them correctly. But I could be wrong, so don't be mad at me. Don't be mad. Wish they would stop being mad at Michelle.

Yeah, cut it out. Don't be mad at me. Stop it. Another big show, a big part of the show is the interval act. Half time, half time. What, do they have little kids go out there play kick to kick? It often includes like a well-known personality from the host country. It'll be like a bit of a local celeb.

Sometimes it'll include surprise performances from previous winners. Sometimes it'll be completely different. In 2010, the interval was very time appropriate. It was a flash mob. Oh, strippers. That what that means? Yeah. That's very funny.

There's people in the audience like dancing, but then it also cut to videos of people all over Europe performing the dance. Oh, I remember that. Yeah. I remember this video. So good. One year they did planking. In 94, Ireland had won the year prior and was hosting the contest in Dublin. And that was the year that 300 million people tuning in got to see Michael Flatley and Gene Butler

takes to the stage for a seven-minute performance that changed Irish dancing forever. That's pretty cool. Oh, that was where it took off. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Well, that's where River Dance took up, not Irish dancing, but that's been around for a while. But I took this part directly from my River Dance report. The performance went off without a hitch

and was met with a standing ovation from the 3,000 people in the audience. An audio recording of Riverdance entered the Irish singles chart at number one on the 5th of May, 1994. Love it. And remained there throughout the summer, keeping Wet Wet Wet's love is all around off the top. Sucked in, wet, wet, wet, you can't dance. I love it. I love Riverdance. I love, yeah, good fun, very good fun.

In Edinburgh, they had a half-time show that I think was the military tattoo, which is the most, like, that's very Scottish thing to do. But they're like, we've got it right here. Yeah, like, it's ready to go. We're in Edinburgh. What do you think Australia would have? Husey, man. Boot man.

Boot man. Oh, very exorted. No, you're a great crowd. It's good to be here. I love it. Housy. I love him. He's the best.

He's so good. He's such a nice. man. He's very funny. He's great. Yeah, I reckon Husey and the Bootman would be a great. Husey and the Boot Man. I'd have Adam Garcia.

I'd bring him back. Yeah, bring him back. Bring him back. From Coyotey Ugly. Bring back Adam Garcia. I wish there was Nicole Kidman doing that song that she did in Milan Rouge. Yeah. Which one, diamonds are a girl's best friend.

Yes. A kiss on the hand maybe quite continental. That's my. Nicole Kidman singing. I think that would make sense. The diamonds are a girl's friend. Yeah, Hugh, Hugh Jackman, Farnsey. Farnsey.

Farnsey. Farnsey, Barnsey. Fancy, Bansy, Olivia Newton, Jansy. The victory. The victory. If you had like Yotho Yindi, that would have been amazing. Remember Yotho Yindi performing at the Paralympics or the Pan Pacifics or something? That was one of the best performances I ever saw at might.

Oh, live. Very cool. The singer's passed away, I think, unfortunately. Yes, yes. Well, that's what we should have done. No, so we should. Well, I don't think we were even in Eurovision. I think when we're going to have to host it soon, you know, with that, you know, the...

Everyone has to come here. The drift. Everyone from Europe. Like, all the continents are drifting. Yeah. How long before we're touching Europe. Yuck! Can't be far.

Yucky! We're edging towards Europe. It's taken a while. Faking a while. But we have the patience. And yeah, when we get there, um, yeah, maybe the tin lids. Tansies. Tansies kids.

Yeah, bring back the Tant. Lids. I like to think that one year they'll let Auntie Donna do it and that I'll be able to do that. That would be really funny. And I imagine Australia being upset at that. Oh, very much so. Oh, whatever's chosen. I can't imagine.

Australia will be so upset. Who's that? I've never heard of them. The AFL and Grandfinite entertainment every year has people complaining. Do you remember when, um, was it jet that played are you going to be my girl twice? Was it Jed? It was somebody who played their hit twice. And I was like, this is great.

That's what they want. Yeah, yeah. They just want your hit. They don't want to hear your other songs. Just give them that. I saw vanilla ice do that at a festival. I think it was like V festival or something. Vanilla Ice started and finished with Ice Ice Baby.

Yeah, so you should. It's fine. Who cares? That's what people want. I love it. I love it. Encore. Encore.

I'm going to talk. about some Eurovision controversies now. Oh, Mama. There's some fun ones. It's, you know, Eurovision is certainly not without its drama. Johnny drama. Johnny Drama.

That's you, Jess? Me, yes. Drama is, like, it's very much part of the fun. And a controversial, political gesture played out at the Eurovision stage in 2000 when Israel's entrance, ping pong, finished their song, Be Happy, by unfurling Syrian flags

and calling for peace to the shock of many in their home country. Israel's broadcasting authority disowned the entry, but the truth eventually emerged that two of the group were journalists who wrote about cultural affairs for a newspaper, or a newspaper, and they confessed that they entered Eurovision as a joke,

although they ended up beating 83 other entries along the way. Yeah, that's amazing. With their song, Be Happy. Be happy. Ping pong. Ping pong. Yeah, wow. I think... I like using it for political things. I think that's nice. I don't like how they don't. into it.

Your vision isn't into it. Like that guy on Big Brother who taped his mouth. Yeah. Free the refugees. Yeah. That was great. And Gretel Colleen was so funny. She tried her absolute best.

She was like, well, do you want to speak about it? And he was like, no, I've got tape on my fan. But she was like, you can speak about the issue now. You've got the platform. You can speak. Now would be the time. And he was just like, I've committed to this. Yeah, I know.

The tape will hear if I take it off. I didn't shave before I put the tape on. Yeah. It's going to pull out hair. Yeah. It's going to be all red and it's going to look bad. Yeah, this is very funny in that particular time as well where, you know, yeah, just he probably should have spoken. He probably should have, but he did a good, good thing.

Yeah. And it's very interesting how, like, I was watching a documentary. It was a BBC documentary, so it was very much focused on the English entrance of each year. But they were kind of talking about, like there was footage of this old guy, and it was black and white footage. It was ages ago. And he was talking about how like, you know, Eurovision used to be about music and now it's just all... It was very much like the same vibe that Triple J gets of like, Triple J was good when I was within the age bracket. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's no good anymore because I'm older. And you're like, uh-huh? This is everything. Of course. They do that at footies or what? People think the 90s and people hear this now being like, but it was better in the 90s. Like I think, well, in other ways it's just changed. and it's still very good and kids today love it like you loved it in the 90s.

Yeah. But they're like, no, that's not why. Yeah. But it used to just be like, you know, one person would walk out on the stage and sing their song with the orchestra and off they'd go. And then it became more like, and somebody summed it up really well that it's like there's, you know, 40 different countries participating and you get to the final this 26. That's a lot of performances.

You need to be memorable. It's exciting. And so having a gimmick, having an anchor, as he called, it was just something memorable. So you're not just going to be like, I really liked Italy's song. You're going to be like, oh, that's right. Yeah, the woman in that bright red dress. She was on fire. Yeah, and she could fly.

Exactly. Yeah. Like, yeah, I remember that performance. Yeah. And it's also why it's become more and more popular, surely. It's drag. It's all camp. It's very camp.

And I love it. I love high concept. Yeah, and people love it. But it's different to what I like. Yeah. Okay. And it's different to how it was when it started 50 years. ago.

Yeah, tough. It's hard, isn't it? People like that even with individual bands. You know, they'll go in a different direction. Yeah. And we're like, what the hell is this? I liked the songs they wrote when they were 14 and I was 14. They should do the same thing forever and never grow as artists.

They're like, Daniel John's silver chair, I think had exactly that a lot. Yeah, all the time. I watched a documentary he was on when straight lines was out. And he was like, I was sitting in a park and someone came up to me and went, Frogstomp, what's happened? And he's like, oh, I'm an adult. I was 14 at the time. Now I'm 20 something.

That's wild. Why aren't you still doing the same thing I liked once? I was listening to Triple J on the way over and... They're loving every second of it. And loving every second of it. And the presenter actually said something like that. It was a feeling guy. I'm not sure it was, but he's like,

I don't really understand that when people just want a band to sound the same every album. They don't like them exploring. It's like, you've still got those other albums. You can listen to them as much as you like. Well, I feel the same about sequels. When people are like, oh, you ruined it with a sequel or with a remake. It's like, no, it's the same. They didn't like cut it up and then paste it in a different, it's the same.

You can still. They didn't take the movie you like and delete it from Netflix. Yeah, it's still, get it on DVD. Unless you're talking about the original Star Wars trilogy and I think, didn't the guy go back and like reanimate things and change things? and that pissed off people. Oh, I guess that's probably... It may Jabba the Hut bigger or something.

That's probably upsetting if you do change it. But I don't care about. But either way. I tell you, if there's one thing Star Wars fans hate, it's fucking Star Wars. They hate it. They hate it so much. There's like there's so many Star Wars things and they like two of them. Yes.

You don't like Star Wars and you just have to accept that. Yeah, move on. Try Marvel. Try Marvel. It's fun. A bit of fun. Another controversy. another Israel one as well was in 1998 when transgender singer Dana International

was set to represent Israel in Eurovision. Her inclusion in the contest led to some conservative religious groups in Israel protesting in the streets of Israel. She received death threats, had a police escort and security on hand during her time in the UK at the contest. However, she didn't give a shit, won the contest in 1998, cementing Eurovision as a celebratory space for the LGBTIQA plus people. 1998 yes that's awesome huge that's amazing yeah they were from uh Israel yeah so their

own country was protesting it yeah I guess it would be probably not all her own country that everyone in Israel was protesting every single but how do they coordinate that yeah they're really organized wow pretty amazing kind of like mandatory voting I guess like right mandatory protesting exactly right but yeah 98 it feels like it feels early doesn't it I guess. It is early. Yeah, it's great. That's, you know, the language around it then is pretty rough.

International is a great surname. Yeah. It really feels like if you're born into the international family, you're destined for big things. Surely. Travel for starters. Travel airports. That is absolute nominative determinism. Down international.

Never left the country. Real homebody. Hello, Jess International. Like international roast sort of thing. You only ever see that in the pantry. Rarely see that. Patry. God, it sucks. One of the most iconic winners in recent years has been a bearded drag performer Conchita Worst,

who won for Austria in 2014. She was, that was, oh. Conchita was like Chita Worst. That's an act I reckon broke through to the mainstream. Yeah, totally. Absolutely. Part of the zeitgeist. Great voice.

Incredible voice. An incredible performance. Yeah. It's one of those performances I still remember where I was, like I remember watching it and I remember I've been like, I've sung that song at events. I love the song. I'd say beard a little overrated though. Great voice.

People talk about the beard a lot. Yeah. It was a well-maintained beard. It was a well-maintained beard. It was a well-maintied beard. The hair was more impressive than the beard. The hair was stunning. Very sleek.

Stunning gown. Definitely used a leave-in conditioner, I reckon. Absolutely. Using products. There's a dice and air wrap in that for sure. Oh, big time. I used to work at a supermarket and, The manager had like really silky sort of long hair.

And he, very nice guy. I remember someone came through and he was over the other end and the guy whispered to me and goes, but he uses a leave-in conditioner. It's such a funny comment. I just thought it was so funny. It's so funny. Like I'm just like, yeah, somebody's seeing somebody else and thinking so much about their hair. It's very funny.

Oh, you're a bloody labouring conditioner. I didn't know what it meant, but I'm like, yeah, I reckon. So, yeah, Conchita Worst won the contest by 52 points, despite initial expectations that the act would be too controversial in socially conservative countries. In fact, in a doco I saw, apparently some countries said they wouldn't show Conchita's performance on TV. And apparently the governing body of Eurovision said,

yes, you are. You either broadcast the entire show as it is, or you don't broadcast at all. Hell yeah, Eurovision. And they took their ground on that, which is kind of cool. A lot of controversies are political. Either contestants make political statements or countries refuse to broadcast

or support contestants from countries that they're currently fighting with. So Jordan broadcasts a Eurovision song contest for the first time in 1978. One of several low points in their relationship with Israel, Jordan refused to broadcast the Israeli entry, switched the signal off while they were performing, and instead showed pictures of

flowers. So pictures of flowers. Here's some pictures of flowers. Later when voting showed that Israel was winning, they cut the transmission and announced to their local audience that Belgium had, was the winner. Wow. Belgium came second, but they're like, no, Belgium won.

Oh my gosh. Belgian one. So I'm guessing that they would have had the rights taken off from the next year? I don't know. I don't know. I'm not sure. What year did you say they? That was 1978.

And the other time was more recent or something when they said. Oh yeah. The other time was. when Israel said they wouldn't show it or something. Didn't you just say the thing just before this was about Eurovision saying, no, you show it all, you don't show it at all? Yeah, that was in 2014. Right, so maybe back then they didn't put their foot down so much.

I mean, yeah, they couldn't put their foot down at the time. They don't know at the time that John's just in their country choosing to just... But maybe the next year they'd be like, one more chance. No more flowers. No more flowers. And it feels like it would have been quite obvious that they're... They're cutting in going, and sorry, yeah, we're here to tell you the winner. Don't worry that I'm a different guy from the guy that was just on.

Yeah. The winner's Belgium. Yeah. Israel looked like they were about to win, but they weren't. But they didn't. They lost all their points. Yeah. Lost them.

They had them in a bucket and they lost the bucket. They don't get them. So that, because that would have hurt their chances a little Israel because, I mean, I don't know if Jordan would have voted for them anyway, but not seeing them, they wouldn't have been able to. Well, I think they weren't. The public wasn't voting back. that.

Oh, were they? 78, I don't know. Good year, 78. 78. I don't know. Georgia also found themselves embroiled in controversy in 2009 with their attempt to send a disco number

by band Stefan and 3G. It was in the aftermath of the Russian Georgian War. The song was entitled, We Don't Want to Put In. It was questioned for its very clearly political lyrics, taking a step at Putin. Oh, yes, Putin. We don't want to put in.

tin. We don't want a putane. No, putt. What's the food we were talking about before? It doesn't matter. Georgia was given the chance to submit an alternative song, but they just chose to withdraw from the competition altogether. They're like, you can't have this one.

It's clearly a stabit. Do you want to put in a different song? And George's like, no. No, bye. Don't think it's quite funny. Don't worry about I'm busy. I actually can't come. I was joking.

Despite being one of the longest ever participants in your Revision. Belgium has only ever won the contest once with Sandra Kim's Jaim Lavi back in 1986. I've not heard that. It caused a minor stir after it was revealed that she was in fact only 13 years old. Oh Jesus Christ. Not 16 like had been reported at the time, but she was a 13 year old kid. 16, still normal. That's normal. That's fine. Explit her. Yeah, 16. That's fine. 13. Absolutely not. 16. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you said caused the stir where you like everyone was going, wow, she's 13 so talented or they were like, How dare you.

Was it a sexy song? Well, no, it wasn't a sexy song. It was just that they had the... Oh, they'd lied to get her across the board. I don't even... I don't know. I don't know if Belgium had... Yeah, I guess they must have.

I probably did, yeah. But Switzerland, who'd finished second, petitioned to have the song disqualified, unsuccessfully. And to this date, Sandra remains the youngest ever contest winner. Wouldn't you feel like rubbish if that protest worked? I was like, oh, you've won now.

Yeah, you might... Because we took it off the child. Yeah, exactly. And then you're like tearing it out of her hands. Here you go. You feel good about that. Well, done. You're the big winner.

Her performance inspired other youngsters as well. In 89, the contest had two contestants representing Israel and France, who were aged 11 and 12 respectively. Oh, my gosh. So young. And this caused controversy owing to the pressure the competition placed on the children to perform at such a massive stage. And following an outpouring of complaints,

the minimum age was set at 16 years old. So Sandra will hold that title of youngest, person to win probably forever that's awesome well done i don't see them going you know what let them let them in let him in we should get nicky webster to perform next time yeah yeah it'd be great to we could have our own kid well she's in her 30s now australia's kid Nikki webster Nikki webster no Nikki webster what Nikki webster the kid from yeah remember she was on the Sydney olympics no i do remember her yeah we should get her up yeah no i get her up We should get her up.

We should get her up. She's probably one of our best kids. Yes, yeah, yeah, she is. One of the best kids we've got. We should send her out. Ship her out. Ship her out. Get her in.

All aboard, too, too. Is she a bit young, though? She bit young. She was like, I think she's about 14. She's probably about 14. 13, 14. Well, if we get those, we change the rules to 14 and up. And we send out Nikki Webster.

Deploy the troops. That just means send out Nikki Webster. Yeah, send out. Nikki Webster to deploy the troops, please. That's our Nicki Webster and her hit song, Strawberry Kisses. They're the troops. Mishin' Wishing Kissin' Your Strawberry Kisses. What does it mean?

Strawberry Kisses? Yeah. They're my, that's, I've said this before. That's, no, that's the nickname of my nipples. Nipples, yeah, so that's why I thought it was something sexy. It is a sexy thing. I remember when it came out and everyone was like, oh, strawberry kisses. It was like a, it was like a, a,

fun euphemism for when someone has their period and then you have it do a sex on their mouth, a mouth sex on there on there. Really? Yes. And Nikki Webster had a hit song about that. Yes. That has to be one of those backdated sort of. Well, when it came out, it was everyone at my school was like, oh my God, yeah.

Oh, everyone at your school. Well, that's definitely true. My school. My school, the center of culture. my school in the teen pregnancy capital of Australia, my school. Yeah,

yeah, and it's also very true that someone was so stressed in an exam that they put pencils in their nose. I've never heard that. I don't know. That was a big school one.

Maybe that was just at my school. Yeah, maybe it was just at your school. Okay, I'm being accused of lying. No, I'm not accusing you of lying. Shut up, Matt,

I've got to wait. I'm accusing you of believing children and you should never do that. I was a, I, oh my God. Never believe children. If any children ever confide in you, do not believe them, especially not Nikki Webster.

They're conniving. They're full of shit. I do not believe them. I don't trust them. There's a few big names that you might not realize with contestants at Eurovision in the early days of their careers, including Cliff Richards. Cool.

I didn't know that. Representative the UK singing congratulations in 1968. He was the bookmaker's favourite to win, but Spanish contestant Massiel pipped him to the title by one point. One point. Oh, that's tight. Yeah. Now, remind me Cliff Richards.

What's one of his songs? Hey, it's me, Cliff Richards. Okay. I think that's one of his... Is he the living doll go? Living doll. I actually don't know that song. I've never heard this before in my life.

Living doll. Big fan. Big fan of that song. We don't talk anymore. We don't talk any more. a living doll. Yeah. You got it.

That's the one. That's Cliff Richards. So he's not living doll guy. I don't know that song. He, like he's saying it with the young ones, whoever that was. Don't know. Someone whose name is like Cliff Richards. Okay.

All right. I believe you. Did a child tell you that? A child told me that at your school. There was also Katrina and the Waves. The band is best known for their 85 heat walking. Walking on Sunshine? Walking on sunshine.

Let me finish a sentence and you might know the name of the song. So imagine the surprise of the audience at the 1997 Eurovision contest when the group won the contest for the UK with love shines a light. So they were like their big hit, the biggest hit was in 85.

They were in Eurovision in 97. I love that. I love that. Huge. Katrina and the waves is what we said? Yes. There's somebody else who did that but I'm not going to bring it up

because you'll bring it up. But keep going. Do you reckon? What if I don't? You've got to bring it up. I can see it on your page. Okay, great. I'm like, oh no, have I missed a big one?

No, I've had a little squeeze. Okay, great. Yeah, so Katrina and the Waves won, and they won by, like, a record at the time, margin of 70 points. Whoa. Huge. Bonnie Tyler. Incredible.

Is she total clips of the heart? Yeah. Welsh singer, best known for hits like Total Clips of the Heart, holding out for a hero, represented the UK in 2013. She's an 80s star. I heard that as 1913. I was like, how old? But you clearly said 2013.

You're like, wow. Holy shit. I thought this started in the 50s. I've been listening, I swear. Yeah, 2013, believe in me. Coming 19th out of 26 entrance. Incredible. So star power doesn't necessarily

give you an edge. No, it doesn't. Unless you're you too. Ooh. The edge. That's a fun gag. That's a fun gag. Is that the one you thought I was going to say?

No. Okay, great. Unless your regional FM station 90.5 The Edge. There was also Tartu. Russian teenagers. They'd already. Is that the song that was famous of theirs? Yeah.

There was that and, um... Oh, yeah, yes, I do remember that. You got to... They're not going to get us is my favorite. You can't hear women. That's that high. I'm not, I'm not a dog. Do you be like, a bit shrill.

How can you tell which girl's talking? I, um, uh, I also love Not Gonna Get Us. Do you know that one? Oh. They're not gonna get us. Yes, yes. And they're like driving a truck. One of my favorite songs still to do.

Weren't they controversially not actually sisters or something? No, they were set up as lesbians but they weren't, well, okay, so here's the thing. They were set up as a couple and sold to us as like young lesbians. And then when one of them got pregnant, everyone was like, they're not lesbians, but nobody's ever, like, that was a while ago as well. And no one's ever gone, oh, hang on, maybe she was by. Like, because it was at the time of like, oh, now we're okay with lesbians, but if you're by, then we don't believe you. Yeah. There was that in that time period.

Lesbians can't get pregnant. Lesbians can't get pregnant. How would a lesbian do that? It's not possible. And also, I don't think people were fully okay with lesbians at the time either. No, that's probably true. That is probably true. But I remember because, yeah, I'm being very excited by it when I was little.

I was like, oh my God, I'm there. Yeah. It's a girl that I used to date a bit when I was young and we used to listen to this song. Because we were like, this is us. We're there. We're saying. Should we start a band? Yeah.

No, we didn't start a band. and we didn't stay together at all. And now I've got a boyfriend. So we were fake. It was fake. It was for publicity. It was all fake. You have to choose.

Everyone knows. You have to choose. There are two sexualities and two genders. Everyone knows that. I'm just joking. So, you're mad at me. Tartu had already attracted a lot of attention in 2002 with their song, all the things she said.

It hit the top of the charts in Australia, Denmark, Germany, Ireland, Italy, Japan, New Zealand, Norway, Switzerland and the UK. Incredible. massive. The music video caused controversy due to the members kissing behind a fence. But people also now, I think, kind of go, it's because they were 17 at the time. That was the main issue we had with it. It wasn't the, but it's like that was not what was reported at the time.

Yeah. 17-year-olds. You can kiss. You can kiss. If one of them was 178, then issue. Then it's a little issue. Then he better be a billionaire. Let me tell you.

I was a long way into. saying 17 again. 17. No, I mean, we got that, but I think you said it very well. No, good. I was trying to pick any number that was... 17. How?

17. That's what you're faced here. So, yeah, they were, they'd caused like, they were, they weren't to number one, caused a bit of controversy. They represented Russia at Eurovision in 2003, and they placed third. That's not bad, I suppose.

I remember being sad, and I remember the performance not being that good. They didn't sing very well live. That was great, yeah. But I was very excited that they were on there, and then they didn't do... Their backing track was spot on, though. Back track was spot on. Yeah, it didn't miss a beat.

In 1988, a little-known French-Canadian 20-year-old singer named Celine Dion. Shut up. I've heard of her. Sang on behalf of Switzerland. She won the contest by a single point. Went on to become one of the best selling female singers in the world. Did she win it with a song? people know now?

It's a fucking good song. I don't know. It wasn't like one of her famous ones or anything. It's in French. Is it mostly in French? And then it might have a bit of English. Don quichenne. Darling, don't quesha.

Is that German? Hmm. Yeah. That's not French. But it's like it starts as a bit of a ballad. I watched this on YouTube and stuff. I wanted to play like clips of the songs. I thought that would really add.

to your appreciation of your vision, but you need licenses to do that. But definitely go check out the Celine Dion song because it starts kind of balladie and it's still really beautiful. And then it gets to the chorus and it gets like, the pace quickens a little bit. And even she starts to like click a little bit more disco and dancing. And it really, it shows off her voice. I love a clicker. It's really good.

I love a big clicky song. Low click's my favorite kind of click. Yeah. She's kind of doing a side click, which I quite like to. Side click's pretty good. It's not bad. It's very casual. It's very casual.

It wasn't planned. She's just sort of doing it. She's not even planned this quick. And the wings going, what is she doing? Did she clear this with you? We did not rehearse this. She's throwing it away. Another one that I did not know,

Olivia Newton-John. What? Although Australia rightfully claims her, she was actually born in the UK, moved to Australia as a kid, and she represented her country of birth in the 74 contest with a song called Long Live Love,

which is a great message. Long live love. Long live in Newton, Jarnsey. Khan, Jansy. She placed fourth and perhaps she would have ended up in a higher position had it not been the same year

that Abba competed. Toot, toot. Solidifying themselves as a poster children and most famous group to come out of Eurovision. Do either of you know what song they said? Yes. What is it?

Waterloo. Correct. I don't know why I know that. It is Waterloo. Yeah, so that's a great question with the Saline Dion. Like, was it a song we know? Because Abba, we do know Waterloo.

Still one of their most famous songs would be Waterloo. And that was their 1974, three, 1974. God. And was that the English one that caused controversy? Nah, I don't think so. Because one of the Sweden did an English one at some point. Yeah, I think that was early. This is after that.

This is after. I don't know. Doesn't matter. But, yeah. And like, I've watched the performance as well. And, I mean, I mean, Waterloo is a great song and it starts like, I don't know, it's like, it just, it comes out swinging Waterloo has a song.

It's like, dun da, dun da, da, dun. And then they're straight in and it's like, oh, it's really good. That's a song about war. Did they do a big kiss at the end? It's really good. It's a fucking great song. Ab is very good. They're so good.

Like musically, I went on, I was listening to Waterloo as I was researching this topic and I had to interrupt my partner sitting next to me. He's just trying to work. And I was like, shut up for a second. I need to talk to you about Abba for a bit. Because musically, there's so much going on in every song. There's so many amazing things. The harmonies are good.

The winters are all is one of the best songs in the world. When all it said and done, oh my God, oh my God. It's just so beautiful. So many good ones. Do you hear the drums, Fernando? Absolutely. Yes, I do. Thank you for asking.

Thank you for checking in. Thanks. Yeah, no, I do. Are they too low on the mix? Have you got them? Yeah, can you hear it? Turn up the stare in my drums. In my cans.

Fernando is the sound check at the back of the ring. Can I get more drums in my cans, Fernando? And then he said, wait, say that again. Now sing it. That's good. So yeah, they won Eurovision for Sweden, and the group went on to become one of the most popular record d'ers of all time. Although, much like the Beatles, they had a relatively short sort of career span.

Did they? I think it was like 10-ish years. Oh, I didn't realize. And then they officially split up. Gimme, Gimme, that's a banger. I didn't realize

until recently that Madonna has a song and the whole good thing about her song is the bit that she's taken from Gimme, Gimme,

yeah. Every little thing that I'm hung up. I'm hung up. I mean, it's a good song, but so much of the works being done by that sample.

Exactly right. Yeah, they're very good. And I think it's a bit like a lot of the music of that time, same with like, share and like, even I would say Dolly Parton,

even though that's sort of a different genre of music, went through a phase where people were like, it's lame to like it, or it's like it's a bit naff or whatever. It's very good music. Yeah. It's great stuff. Yeah.

It's amazing. Yeah. That happens with a lot of, I wonder if that'll happen. I reckon the one, the kind of genre of that at the moment is like you two and stuff. I wonder if that'll bounce back. I don't know.

Because everyone loves to hate you two these days. I think it'll bounce back. I think it'll bounce back too. It's just a cold play. Cold play. It's about the people. Fix you's stunning. Fix you're.

I think it's the people who are of a certain age, maybe slightly old than it was meant for. And they're the ones who are like, that's lame. Yeah. Yeah. And then they grow out and the young kids who weren't too cool for it, when they get older, that's when it bounces back. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. When you never went through the phase where you made fun of it.

Yeah. And you hear it and you're like, this is cool. Yeah. This is vintage. This is cool. We quite recently had like a version, King Stingray came in and did a cover of Coldplay's yellow and like yeah the reaction is sort of like fuck it's actually a very good song I've done an amazing cover I've really made it their own but it's actually yeah

it's actually great I think so I think that what didn't that go high on the hottest 100 at the time yellow but yeah it did become I'm not sure they did become very uncooled yeah it's one of the best concerts I've ever seen in my life was Coldplay that makes sense I reckon the BG is another band that that's happened to they were they were seen as been very lame but now I think they're yeah you're a bit naff and then you're cool yeah that's the way it goes the people who think

they're too cool for certain kinds of music are probably the least cool people such yeah you're just babies shut up just listen to what you like it you're actually really uncool it's actually cooler to be not cool well the the penultimate thing I have to share with you is of course

Australia's involvement We love a link to Australia Australia's long been a fan of Eurovision SBS has broadcasts the show every year since 1983 and Australia were initially invited to take part in Australia were initially invited to take to the Eurovision stage as the non-competing interval act in the second semi-final of the 2014 content.

That's when Tommy Emmanuel got his go. Yeah. Does that when Tommy got to go? Tommy got to go. Yeah, it was very. exciting. No, Jess Malboy. Jessica Malboy.

From Australian Idol, tying it back. Was she from one of the other ones? The two great song contests. She's from X-Files. No, she might have been the voice. She was from X-Files. You're right. She's from X-Files.

There's so many of these freaking shows. Pop stars? No, it was Australian Idol. Was she in Bardot? She was in Bardot with Sophie Monk. Jessica Malboy performed the song, See of Flags. In 2015, Australia were invited to compete for the first time.

So exciting. To commemorate Eurovision's 60th. anniversary sending Guy Sebastian. Classic. Who performed a song called Tonight Again. Initially it was like a one-off participation just for the 60th anniversary. Hey, let's let Australia in. That'll be fun and cute.

Just as a one-off. But then they kind of extended it. We're confirmed to participate until at least 2023. So we might get one more go or we might get more. We do pretty well. Yeah, we do all right. And we're such a big audience for the competition. That's true.

Yeah. Yeah, I wonder if they're... Financial way. And they're also... Yeah, they're like, oh, if we take it away from them now. Yeah. They might be upset. They'll be upset.

They'll start watching... Yeah, you can't let us in and then be like, no. Yeah, I mean. Because like, why did... Oh, the rules? You just changed them to let us in. Yeah, change them again. Dumb.

In 2016, Dammy M came runner up with her performance of Sound of Silence. Absolutely stunning. Incredible song. Yeah, she was amazing. She's got an incredible voice. Great voice. It was the highest in Oz. the actors ever reached, which is pretty cool.

Have all of them been, because all of our contestants been to this point, reality show contestants? To this point in the report, yes, to this point. Oh, Guy Sebastian and Jessica Malboy. Because I know Montaigne, I don't know, has Montaigne been on any of those shows? No, no.

But, yeah, but those first three were all. Was Damien? Yeah, I didn't know that. She was the voice. Right. I don't know. I don't know that for sure, isn't. I don't watch the shows because they make me Um, cross.

Dami M was the voice, I'm 90% sure. That probably makes sense. Anyway, she is the voice. What a great voice. Absolutely stunning vocals. Cop that fancy.

TV show The X Factor. I beg you pardon. X Factor. X Factor. Okay. X Factor. Muldron Scully. Love those guys.

I want to believe. And then in 2017, Isaiah performed Don't Come E. easy. That's also reality. Yeah. Was he expected it?

One of them. They're all the same. Yeah. But yeah, reality TV. That's crazy. I wonder where that is. I guess they're just used to that world already. Maybe.

Or maybe it's like they want it to be somebody recognizable to the Australian audience. But then you can't go to. Yeah. Oh, right. Yeah. But you can go big. So like why not send?

I don't know. No. Nicole Kidman. Listen to me. send her let her do her little songs she's so good she's so tall we should have why haven't we sent farnzy got to send farnsy farnsey's busy 2018 jesska malboy returned with we got love so there's no rules about uh going back well she just performed in the first one yeah that was that was uh an interval right this one she actually got to compete

2019 we had kate miller heidke which was stunning incredible and that performance took the um you know the polls that they were like swinging on that's from a show that is made by an Australian theatre company. It's not Sucatia Soleil, I don't think, but it is something similar. I want to say like... Yeah, it was one of those big Spiegelton shows. Yeah, cool. By like, I think Strut and Frette or could be Le Cleek, one of those shows, I'm not sure.

But yeah, pretty amazing. Burrowed from that design, I think, or used to same designer. A song was Zero Gravity. Yeah, I mean, her voice is incredible. So cool. And then in 2020 and 2021, we had Montaigne. with Don't Break Me and then Technicolor. So obviously you can go back then.

Well, that was because Montaigne had Don't Break Me in 2020 or 21. 2020, I think. It was the year when it was like the pandemic had stopped. She couldn't perform live or maybe it was cancer. Yeah. So she got a second go, but she had to do a new song. But then in 2021 for Technickels, you didn't get to go still, did you? No, because the pandemic was still going.

It was very annoying. So she had to perform. Cursed run. Like, I think it was live, but it was in a studio, a TV studio in Australia. So it didn't have that live audience. Yeah. Really suffered, but it was an incredible performance. Oh, yeah.

Another amazing voice. Like all of these performers that they've chosen have. A standout voice. I wonder why they haven't sent any duds over. The average Australian. Send me. There's a bit of like a running joke because one of my fun, I have fun facts coming up for you. Ooh.

and one of them is that Island has won at the most and there's like a bit of a running joke sometimes that Ireland purposely send duds because they don't want to host it. We're so sick of winning. That's very funny. It's very good.

2022, Sheldon Riley performed not the same. Australia also holds the distinction of being the first nation to compete remotely, which we're just talking about Montaigne having to do. So what a privilege we have there for not being able to get there because of a pandemic. Yeah, I do have some fun facts, which I haven't done for a little while. I used to always have fun facts at the end.

You did it in your last episode, but yeah, before that you hadn't done it for a while. Yeah. I haven't done that for three weeks, is what you're saying. Two, three weeks. But this is just sort of like little tidbits that I thought were fun. So over 1,500 songs have taken part in the Eurovision Song Contest. If you were to listen to all the songs without a break, you would be sitting there listening. for 72 hours.

Ooh. That's a fun fact. That's a good road trip. Yeah. That's a lot. I'm going to listen to them all on my planes. I don't know if I'm 72. With a layover.

Big layover. I'm going to New York. Okay. So I've got to go to find Melbourne to San Francisco. San Francisco to New York. New York to Montreal. Montreal back to San Francisco or Washington. Washington to Edinburgh.

And then I've got to turn around and come back home. Okay. So, Jay. Yes, before you speak, maybe have a little think. Sorry, Matt. A bit of privilege. I'm so sorry. Oh, Matt.

I'm so sorry. Just imagine. Oh. In 2001, the largest audience ever attended the Eurovision Song Contest. Almost 38,000 people gathered at Copenhagen's Parkin Stadium, which is kind of funny. Wow. So I went to the footy earlier this year, and it was a very quiet game, and there was about 38,000. at the MCG.

And we had our pick of seats, the place was empty. It was like 38,000. That's a lot. Yeah, there's a lot, isn't it? We got the MCG. That said, TV and online viewership is obviously massive. This year, 2022, an estimated 161 million people watch the contest, which is actually a drop of about 20 million from previous years.

Oh, wow. But I mean, that's also they don't know, because when they're counting views, it's always, they still use like the TV. Numbers, they're like, oh, this is how many people tuned in. It's like, what are you talking about that? They extrapolate from like 17 people's houses. Yeah, for TV. It's 2022.

Like, look how many streams it's been done. Streams it's been done. I won't be repeating for yourself. That's true. If you're having a Eurovision party, it might only be one stream or one TV, but you've got 20 people there. Exactly. I watched the final at our friend Rosie's house with a few people.

Did you not come? Were you too intimidated? I don't think I was, I would have been there. I'm not just because of the intimidation. I must have been working. But anyway, that's probably working. I think you were working. You'll feel like you've got all the info now.

I know, I definitely feel ready for the next one. You can go around quizzing everyone there. But you know, I forget everything. Yeah. And this is like a year away. That's okay. You can print this off. I mean, I've been asking you questions about things from this report during the report that you can't remember.

That's right. Because I wrote it three weeks ago. I, there's probably something wrong with me, I think. No, I know. There's just no time to. Hey, but there's a lot right with you as well. With seven victories, Ireland is the most successful country at the contest. That's a lot of victories.

Sweden has won six times, while Luxembourg, France and the Netherlands, oh, and the UK have won five times. Oh, Luxembourg has won five times. Yeah, pretty good. Holy shit. Yeah. And on the other end of the scale, Norway could be found at the bottom of the scoreboard as many as 11 times.

Oh no, Norway. They came last in 63, 69, 74, 76, 78, 81. 90, 97, 2001 and 2004, and in the grand final of 2012. They really don't want to host. They keep sending darts. They won three times and they're like, that's enough. That's good. The most covered Eurovision song is Nelblu di Pinto de Blue,

also known as Volare, which you might hear at weddings. Volare. The song's been covered by famous stars such as Dean, Martin, Cliff Richard, David Bowie and many, many more. We just did it. We just did it then. Jess Perkins, Michelle Brazier have also covered it. That's a big hit.

Featuring Matt Stewart. Yeah, it's huge. Dear blue, deep into the blue. I did not know that that's what they were saying. And what does that mean? I don't know. I don't know. It's about beans, pinto beans.

It's about pinto beans. Blue pinto beans. Probably. We got blue a pinto beans. It's just an ad show. And Valore is the brand. The brand of a super beans. Mark?

Yeah. Come to Crazy Valores. We got blue pent open. If they're on the floor, they're out the door. Everything must go. Johnny Logan has won the contest three times. In 1980 and 87, he represented Ireland as a performer and he won both times. Withhold me now and what's another year.

And in 1992, he wrote Linda Martin's winning entry, Why Me? So he's made. Why me? Why not Johnny Logan? Johnny Logan. I saw in one of the docker I watched, somebody was like, Johnny Logan should be like as big as Elvis. Wow.

But it's just sort of how Eurovision's viewed as like, you know, just a bit silly, a bit of a laugh. They're not taking as seriously. But like he could have been as big as Elvis. That's so annoying. It's almost like a kiss of death winning it. But I mean, I guess it sort of depends. Like depends on what you want out of your singing career, I suppose.

It depends on what you say yes to you after you do it, I think. Yeah, that's probably a good point. Until 1998, each act was supported by a live orchestra like we talked about before, and every country brought its own conductor. That's smart. As a musician, that's very smart. Makes sense. Who would we?

Who's Australia's best conductor? I like Isaac Haywood. He's young, but I think he's a genius. I reckon we get him over there. England probably had the fat controller. Toot. I also like a lot of the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra guys. They're really good.

There's a guy. There's a conductor. I cannot think of his name. I think it's Nick. Oh, I can't remember his name. I do know him and he looks like Sammy Jay. Ah, okay. I would trust him then.

Yeah, I'd trust Sammy Jay with my life, I think. Same. Not me. And of those... Trust him as far as I can throw him, which is pretty far. Quite light. He's a light man, I assume. Yes, every country brings their conductor, which is so fun.

Noel Kellahan conducted the orchestra of five winners in 80, 87, 92, 93, 96. Only three women conducted the orchestra at the Eurovision Song Contest. Wow. Only three. Hate that. Nuret Hirsch conducted the Israeli entries of 73 and 78. Monica Dominique conducted the Swedish 1973 entry. And Anita Kerr appeared in front of the orchestra for Switzerland in 85.

So the most recent time we've had a woman conducting as 85. But now that don't have a year. Exactly. But yeah, only three. But wow. Is that a normal thing? Is it normally a male? It doesn't feel like it...

Being a conductor. If I'm picturing a conductor, it is an old guy. It's very... Yeah, it's male-dominated. It's white-dominated. I wonder why that is. I'm picturing the head of music from my high school and she was a woman. So, yeah, well, good for you.

I'm picturing the music teacher from the Simpsons. Okay, that's a man. That's a white man. Yeah, that's a yellow man. That's a yellow man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I was, yeah. Do you guys, did you ever see the year when it was Lithuania and they had a song called We Are the Winners of Eurovision? Oh. Did you think it was like, we are the winners of Eurovision? Really? We are. We are.

Did they win? It's incredible. That's amazing. It was just repeated and repeated. But no, they didn't win. But it was fantastic. I'll never forget it. There's so many like really strange and amazing performances.

There's like, yeah, Vikings, there's like people dressed as. like monsters, there's puppets, there's one, there's one UK entry. I can't remember what it's called now, but they're all dressed as flight attendants and it's, the singing is so off key. And then one of them, he just keeps like, like throwing in like airplane jargon. Like sometimes he'll go, duty free, madam. He's just saying stuff like that and then like, oh my God, it's horrendous and so fun. I said there was, um, I was watching Spy, which is also a fun romp movie with Melissa McCarthy and um she runs in she's like overseas somewhere and she runs into this big public place where a Eurovision performer is performing and he he does this song actually

I don't know what their gender is but they they have this song that's I think it's called dancing and it's like Zeben Zeben Zebun Ilulu lehu Zeben Eileen Einds Eben Einds Fe and it's really dancing it's such a good One of the Eurovision's best, and it was a real treat to see them in Melissa McCarthy's spy. That sounds like a banger. It's great. It's an absolute banger. I'll play it to you after this. Verka.

Seduca. I'm going to play you the... Lasha Tambai. That's what it is. I want to see Lasha Tumai. It's a great song. I'm definitely going to be playing you the Celine Dion. Because it's amazing.

I'm excited to hear that. But that is my report on Eurovision. And it didn't go for bang on an hour. I did it. Thank you. I went slightly longer for once. Well done, Jess. Well done.

Honestly, thank you to you guys. There was a lot of tangents. And I think that really... A couple of decisions from the RIFs didn't go our way. That's right. From the Rifts? A couple of the Rifts. A couple of the Rifts.

You gave a 110% and I respect and love you so much for that. Thank you. Just get out on the ground and, you know, just make the most of what we got. I should say fantastic report there, Jess. Thank you. much. Now that brings us to everyone's favorite part of the show where we get to thank a bunch of our great supporters.

The first thing we like to do, well, I should say, if you want to support the show, you can go to patreon.com slash digonopod or digonpod.com. And yeah, there's a bunch of different levels. What are some of the rewards you can get, Bob? You can get up to three bonus episodes a month, early access to tickets to live shows. There used to be a newsletter that'll, it's making a comeback. and you get to vote on a bunch of different topics. Like every, you get to vote on like two out of three.

Yeah, on average two out of three. Yeah. Was this one, this one would have been a vote. Yes, this was voted on, yeah, and in a landslide. Oh, right. Yeah, which I think I've put it up before and it hasn't won. I'll put it up before a few times as well. But they were in the mood for it this time.

They must have been because it really won by a clear margin. Love that. Yeah. So the first thing we like to do is a little section called, fact, quite a question. Has a little jingle go? something like this. Fat quote or question.

Ding. She always remembers the ding. Great ding there, Michelle. Thank you so much. As an honor to be here for the ding. I was ready with the second verse, but I felt it was the time for the ding. Yeah.

Yeah, so Jess sometimes drops the second verse, sometimes doesn't. I'm an artist. Yeah. Let me, with my music theater troughs, brag or suggestion. Ding. Ding.

Always remembers the ding. And the way this works, if you sign up on the Sydney-Shaunberg level or above, you get to give it a factor quote or a question. And I read four of them out each week. And I read them out on the show as I'm reading them out for the first time. So apologies for any whatever, you know. So I don't know why I say that, but I'm just in case people are like, why did he read that so awkwardly?

Is that a good excuse? I'm only reading it for the first time. What are you going to read the first time? You were saying that because you were saying it's not like this doesn't reflect my views. I haven't chosen this to repeat. That's also true as well. Maybe that's why I started saying it. We do get a lot of really fucked opinion.

Yeah. So when I read out like a real crook thought. I couldn't help it. That wasn't me. They're not good people. The first one comes from Nathan Swap. They also get to give themselves a title. Nathan's got the title,

a giver of potentially boring facts. Okay. Well, we'll strap in. Well, we'll leave. I was going to say, we'll be the judge of that, and then I went to say, we'll decide, and I just went, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. Caught a glitch.

So we've got to evacuate the building. Whoop, whoop. So Nathan's fact reads like this. The US state of New Mexico is often believed to be named after the country of Mexico. However, New Mexico is 250 years older than Mexico's, name origin. Mexico comes from the tribes of people, the Mexico, that's settled in the valley of modern Mexico City. The Spanish conquistadors named that valley, the valley of the Mexico, within the viceroy of New Spain in 1521. In the 1580s, conquistadors went, I love the word

conquistadors. I don't know what it means. I love the word conquistadors, which is a similar word. Oh, similar or the same. Spelled the same and it is the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's the same. And How do I, should I say it? Conquistadors. Conquistadors. I love that even more. In the 1580s, conquistadors went... Almost.

Oh, damn it. No, keep going. I'm sorry. Just being demonstrably Spanish. Went north into modern New Mexico and named the large valley of the Rio Grande, New Mexico after the valley of Mexico City, hoping it would be as rich in gold and silver as the first. Skipping ahead to 1821, when the territory of New Spain became its own independent empire, the first emperor named the country Mexico after the capital city and as a mirror to Rome and the Roman Empire.

The empire didn't last a year, but the name Mexico stuck. 240 years after the small territory turned American state got its name of New Mexico. Side note, the first and second Mexican empires would be awesome topics. Thank you very much for that, Nathan. The other reason I reckon I say I don't read him so I read him is because I haven't fact-checked him. So I'm reading, I trust Nathan that he hasn't stuffed me there. Hasn't simply lied to you. New Mexico is named after Mexico.

You fall. I would have definitely assumed it was named after Mexico. So that's great. That's fun. Or actually, Jess, is that a fun fact? Yeah. That's the energy of someone who's just had fun. It would be a cool topic.

That is right. That makes it good. It would be cool. Yeah, I agree. Next one comes from Derek Brigham, aka the giver of cursed blessings. Oh no. I don't want this. Don't give it.

Nobody's forcing you to give it. No, this isn't a curse as a question. We'll see. Derek writes, magic is struck. Oh, it seems like a curse. Suddenly, no matter what food you eat, it tastes like one thing, the same thing every time. You must choose what that one thing is. What do you pick?

The texture and temperature stay the same as whatever the original food was. For example, if you chose burger, ice cream would taste like cold, creamy burger. And I always ask the question asks us to answer their own questions. And Derek has done that saying, If I were stuck with this curse, I would pick the Taco Bell cheesy gordita crunch and ate mainly boiled chicken and steamed broccoli. Turn the curse into a blessing by being the healthiest eater in the world. Oh, that's clever.

That's clever work from Derek Brigham. Do you have an answer here, Michelle? I mean, there's so many options. I really like guacamole as a flavor palette. I also like the flavor of sumac. And that doesn't have a temperature or a texture, so it could be wherever you want to put it. I don't know.

Also, just like salt on, like, olive oil and salt. on bread. Oh, yeah. That's pretty good. Yeah, I was going to say bread. Yeah, the sourdough from oven street bakery specifically. Yum. Imagine if the, yeah, the flavor works really well in bread

and all of a sudden I'm eating loaves every day. I mean, I almost do that anyway, but it would be, that'd be tricky. But I think he makes a good point. It could just eat broccoli all the time. Yeah, I quite like broccoli. Yeah, I like broccoli. I eat a lot of broccoli.

Maybe broccoli flavor. Oh, my God. Pesto. Basel Pesto. Yeah, Pesto. Very good. Yeah, delicious. Cold, hot. Give it.

Give it. But yeah, it's one of those things because... I'm hungry. It's always, you know, the curse is that it's going to make any flavor not that good because... I don't think that's true. I simply don't believe it. How could one get over pesto? I've never gotten over pesto in my life.

The amount of pesto I've had. Hummus. Hummus is good. Hummus is good, yeah. Oh, I'm going to go with hummus. Good suggestion. Pretty good. Uh, thank you like...

Hot hummus? You've just given yourself a hot. Hummus curse. Oh no, it's Hot Hummus bad. I've never had Hot Hummus. I don't know. Well, we're going to find out. Welcome to the stage of the hot hummus dances.

Thank you very much for that question, Derek. The next one comes from Eric E. Morales, aka the talent. And Eric is asking a question as well, writing, hi, all. Question for you all. What are your guilty pleasure movies that may be trashed but you love regardless? some of mine include the second Pink Panther movie with Steve Martin Not Trash And Looney Tunes Back in Action

Not Trash, excellent, bro. Yeah, we watched that recently for phrasing the bar And I thought it was good fun I grew up with these and love revisiting them Whenever I get the chance, best regards A Did you have an answer there? Yeah, like the nostalgia plays into it for sure

Like Wayne's World is a big one for me My brother and I used to watch that all the time Yeah, I haven't sound in ages but isn't that a good movie? I don't know. Well, I mean, I've had friends who watched it the first time as adults and sort of went, this is done. Oh, okay.

But I watched it as a kid and watched it a lot. Very silly. It's very silly, but it's fun. But a more recent movie that I think is a guilty pleasure of mine is What's Your Number? It's an Anna Farris, Chris Evans movie. Oh, I started watching it recently on Netflix. Yeah, I watch it a bit. It's fun.

It's a rom-com. It's silly. Just because something's not a good film doesn't mean it's not a good film. doesn't mean it's not a good movie. Yeah, not a good watch. You know, I think you can still have it. Like, for example, 2001, a Space Odyssey is a beautiful film, but as a movie, not much going on plot-wise.

Like, you know, different. Different strokes for different times, different folks for different rhymes. That's right. Different blokes and different dimes. And that's the way about it. I love watching bad stuff. Like, I love to watch a made-for-netflix movie. where an American woman goes to Australia to try and win the wine,

the wine maker so she can sell the wine. That's a genuine one that just came out. And it's terrible. But it's really fun to watch and go, this is so dumb. Why are you doing this? It's so silly. This is terrible. But at the same time, it served its purpose of I wanted to watch something dumb.

Yeah. I love those kind of movies. Love them. There was one that was another like lockdown movie. movie that I watched. I haven't gone back to it, but I really enjoyed it. It was like Adam Levine and it was like a time travel movie where he had to go to a Halloween party.

When we first met. Sounds great. It was obviously not a good film. But just it was the perfect film that day. It was escapism and it was, yeah, I don't know. It was just fun. Yes man's another one that I think people will think is shit that I think is really good and I've watched a bunch of times.

I think it's fun. And yeah, the one you mentioned is. when we first met. And it's got a nice energy to it. It's all very positive. I love a romp as I talk about all the time. So I obviously love the Fast and the Furious franchise. And I'm aware that like there are writing issues,

but that's why I like it. I love the Jumanjis. Yeah, Jammanzis are fun. I love the spy who dumped me, but I think those are all good movies. I don't think any of these are bad movies. I think I guess maybe cruel intentions is my, is the closest to an answer to this question.

Like I know it's like problematic and blah, blah, blah, but I'm like, I have such a nostalgia. Yeah. And I love how camp it is. Oh, yeah, that is currently on in the town we're in. So good for us. It's very camp, which I love.

Yeah, Clueless is the same. Oh, Clueless, very good. Bad, but I love it. Very fun. Mean girls, that's genuinely good. Mean girls, genuinely good. I watched one last week that I thought, you know, it was sort of silly fun. It was Tom Cruise and Cameron Dia.

Yes. Oh, they're spies? He's like a spy. He's like a spy and she's sort of as a mechanic and she's brought along for the ride. Love it. Do you know what I love, Keeping Up with the Joneses? I haven't seen that. Oh, it's great.

Zach Galafinakis and Isla Fischer maybe? Oh, yeah, Isla Fisher, yeah. And. Ed Helms and Isla Fisher confused. And Galgado and. Galgado was in the... Hot Man. That Tom Cruise on us.

I was just saying. Yeah. She's great. Made her screen debut in Passing the Furious. Oh, that's right. Yeah, these, I need more of these movies. So that's a good. Keep up with the Jones.

I got to watch that. Oh, I've got a whole list. And once I put on Twitter, because I was trying to find more, put up on Twitter, I want to watch movies like this, this, this, this, and I got a whole list of more.

One of them was Encino Man, which I still haven't seen. Have you guys watched that? Yeah, yeah. I loved as a kid. So watching it again, I was like, oh. Yeah.

But like if I just went in with a better attitude And not thinking it was going to be so good Because I loved it Yeah yeah you got to I love Adam Sandler And Jennifer Aniston's murder mystery one Is said to be a really bad film But I thought that was pretty fun

I was just like a I love murder mystery It's not bad, it's great Yeah I thought I love murder mystery I've watched it three times There's a really funny guy in it He's really good I can't ruin I don't want to ruin

What happens But it's really good Yeah, the real up-and-comber, and I think he's got to do... Do things. Yeah, he's going to be amazing. I think we've given Eric a lot of options. Sorry, Bob, I think I spoke over you before when you were saying the Adam Levine movie name.

When we first met. Right. I should try that. Was it, have you seen it? I think I started it. Okay, couldn't get through. Immediately picked out what was going to happen. Yeah, yeah.

And then I said that this is what's going to happen to my partner and I left the room and then he finished the film. and when I saw him later he was bashful and I said I was right wasn't I and he said yes I think that's someone about those rom-comy films I mean knowing exactly what's going to happen is probably a bit too tedious but you always know vaguely what's going to happen for sure like they're going to unlikely duo going to be forced to spend time together what's going to happen you're actually all right conflict Sandra Bullock and you're actually with your ex I was into the wrong person after all and yeah all that sort of stuff

right in front of my eyes and the final fact quote a question this week unless anyone had any more movies I feel like we could have to talk about that for so long Teen Wolf the original Teen Wolf I haven't seen that as an adult but I love that as a kid and I watched that so many times we'd go to the milk bar around the corner and rent it a lot

I haven't seen it And their collection of like three movies they had at the milk bar. The last one this week comes from Drew Foresburg. Oh, can't hardly wait. Keep going. Oh, that's it. Yes. Disturbing behavior.

The faculty, please keep going. Drew Foresberg, okay, the hate mailer. Oh. And that's hate spelled with an eight. His question is, oh, very brief. What do you reckon? Ooh. I reckon they're going to have to get,

definitely keep him safe. I mean, to get him out from, or maybe if they ship a really safe sound booth. I assume the question is, what do you reckon they're going to do so that the president of the Ukraine can still voice Paddington for Paddington 3 with the ongoing conflict. Right, yes, yes, yes. So, yeah, I'm not 100% sure, but I am thinking about it and I'm thinking about it a lot. Did he voice Paddington?

He fucking dubbed, yeah, he dubbed Paddington in the Ukraine. Isn't that incredible? I did not know that. I love him. I'm obsessing him. That is a fun fact. I'm just obsessed with the fact that he did that. I love Paddington so much.

And I think he's so great. I saw another, I love the Paddington films, but I think they are quite loved. Yeah. So they're not like a better. No, they're not. No.

But apparently I saw a quick review of a new film, Michelle the Shell or someone the shell. Marcel the Shell. Apparently it's got some real Paddington vibes about it. Yeah. Have you read the books? No. It's great.

It's a great. It's an 824. Yeah, Jenny Slate. Yeah. It's going to be great. I didn't know as a book. So it's got a whole thing. Is there a fandom that hate it?

No, no. They've ruined the Shell character. The Shell never would have done that. What do you reckon? What do you reckon? Probably maybe Ava want toast or a veggie pasty. Is what I'll have for lunch. Yeah.

I reckon let's play it by year. But yeah, if you end up knocking off early enough, I'll meet you there after. Yeah, okay, great. And that brings us to the next section. I know, Michelle, you might think, that must be it. But no, we get more people to thank.

Yeah. These great people have been supporting us for a little while. And Jess only comes up a little game to play, usually based on the topic. Let's come up with their Eurovision song title. Okay. The song titles are always fun. Yes.

Great. Do you want to read out some names, Michelle? Or maybe Jess and I'll just and I'll. I'll just go back and forth and you can help us with the songs. I'll do some songs. Great. Well, if I may kick us off. Yeah.

I would love to thank from Address Unknown, can only assume, from deep within the fortress of the Moles. And I for one, want to be the first see out in here and say, I welcome our new mole overlords. And they're representative James Harrison. James Harrison representing Fortress of the Moles with James's song, What's That? What's that? With an exclamation mark.

So I just want to make sure you were pronouncing the exclamation. It reads like a question, but it's actually an exclamation. Should I read a few more? Do you want to do half and half sort of thing? Let's go back and forth. I'll do the next one. I would love to thank from Milwaukee. I'm Milwaukee.

Kristen. Oh, Shulred. Kristen Shulrod. representing the powerful country, the number one country of the United States of America. Michelle, what song is Kristen performing? Believe. Believe. Believe.

That's good. That is good. What's the message of it? It's about 9-11. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Everything changed that day.

Holy shit. Yeah. Is it about the beams? Yeah. The backup dances are dressed. as Twin Towers and it's very insensitive. It is incredibly insensitive and she really should have rethought it. But I think it's good to give it a go.

Read the room, Kirsten. I think they did a great job. Oh, it's a fantastic song. A beautiful performance. Really great performance. And I think in time, people are going to look back on it and say, yeah, actually one of the greats. Yeah. Well, mate, I think from London in Great Britain, Rachel Ball.

Rachel Ball. with the song If you water the plant It will grow That's got a beautiful message I would think It's hidden in there It's hidden in there

It's a very literal song Talking about quality of soil I think if you dig a little Don't over water it Below the surface You might want to put some fertilizer in there For the springtime And you obviously have to dig a little below the service

To put the roots in And then you put more soil on top I think there's a little extra There's a little extra there if you really read between the lawns. Put some mulch on top. Yeah. Okay. That's the second verse, third verse forward.

You're reading a lot into this song, huh? It's great to disagree. I would also love to thank, again, from a location unknown, deep within the fortress of the moles. Maddie. Oh, Maddie singing a rousing tune with a big marching band intro. Get it up, your, brigadier. Yeah. Which is also about 9-11.

And planting flowers. It's about both, actually. Get it up there talking about growing a beautiful big vine on a lattice. Yeah, yeah. That's nice. Thank you, Maddie. Stunning. Yeah, fantastic work, Maddie, representing the moles.

I'd also love to thank from Harvard in Massachusetts. Harvard. Harvard. Haveid. Haveid. Harvard. Yeah, that's right. Harvard.

In the number one country. States, it's Alex Hill. What's Alex singing, Michelle? Alex is singing blue eyes, big, big butts. Blue eyes, big butts. You didn't want to say butts the first time, did you? No, I was nervous. I was shy.

The song's a bit risque. Blue eyes, big butts. Blue eyes, big butts. Brackett, big eyes, blue butts. Oh, it was going to be blue eyes, big tits, but, or big dicks. Blue eyes, big dicks. Yeah. Multi-dict.

That's what my brain said to say. Blue eyes, big tits. Yeah. It's a beautiful ballad from Alex. About 9-11. I would also love to thank from Italy. Say the city. That is Quartu Santellena.

Oh, yes. I would love to thank Vitale Sbarcello. Oh, I just had an eargazling. That's beautiful. That was so nice to hear. Fantastic. Vitali. Sparcello.

What are you once Vitao is singing, representing Italia? Put your dishes in the sink. La la la la la la la la la la la. It's that's in the brackets. So Vita L's gone with English. Love that. Well, the chorus is in English, but the rest is in Italian. Yeah.

It's really nice. Molta bany, motto bany. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Star Cozy, cosy. Buany, bwant. Fades out. It's got a fade out.

Yeah. It's old school. It's a bit of a throwback. A bit of a throwback, what I like that about. It's hard to make an orchestra fade out, but they did it. Yeah. Very impressive. Could I think from Stone's Corner in Queensland, in Brisbane, I reckon, in Australia, Amber Fielder?

Amber Fielder said, you are like a magnet to my heart. You're like a magnet to my heart. You're like a dreamer to my soul. I remember the song. Like an 80-style power. Is that a power ballad? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, I love that.

Oh, man, I'm into that song. Can you write and record that? Yeah. Well, at least write it. We'll maybe leave someone else to record it. She's a great writer. Great writer. I'm really good at other stars.

No, no, no. Finally for me, I'd love to thank from Address Unknown. Shuming also from The Fortress of the Mole. Interesting, we've got three mole people in today. It's Carl Bernson. Carl Benson. What's Carl Searle? again, Michelle.

Secrets, my daddy told me. A bad 11th. Your secrets my daddy told me number one. Jetfield can't mount steel beams. It's a really beautiful song. That's a beautiful secret too. It's nice to share those secrets that daddy told you. Son, listen.

Why did that break you about? You loved that. It's just very funny. Very good. I'm picturing that being like a country Yeah. Sort of tune as well. Something that my daddy told me.

Yeah. We've got to get lunch. We simply have to get lunch. I would love to thank finally from Leon Gathar in Victoria, Levi Odges. Oh, great name. Levi Odges. Michelle, you're on a hot streak here. What did Levi sing?

This song is called She Set It, Open Bracket. Go away from here. That's not your trolley. bracket. That's good. It's about being in love with a Coles worker. Yeah.

It doesn't work out. It doesn't work out. Because she does not 11. Because yeah, she does it. Yeah, because if you really listen to it, there's a deeper meaning. There's a meaning.

The trolley is the Twin Towers. The trolley is the planes in the... Thank you so much of Levi, Carl, Amber Vitale, Alex, Maddie, Rachel, Kristen and James. The last thing we have to do, Michelle. Can you believe it? We're going to welcome in

three people into the triptych club or the triptych club which is apparently how you say triptych you're an artist it's triptych once double denim we did all three of our shows and we called it triptych and we spelled it D I CK and it was really funny that's fun it was a fun joke that's unknowably fun that's fun so the way to be involved here is if you are a supporter of our show on the shout out level or above the three straight years you get Welcome to the Triptitch Club.

I'm standing on the door. I'm about to read out your name. Lift up that Velvet Road. Welcome you into the club. Michelle's standing on the stage. She's emceeing the show tonight. She's going to really hype you up. Jess is behind the bar,

but she's sort of like the Paul Schaefer to Michelle's David Letterman. She's backing Michelle up, giving her a bit of support if needed. But Jess has also come up with a cocktail. What's the Eurovision cocktail we're serving? It's a shot of liquor from each participating country in a pint glass. A full shot. This is like 40.

It's called 9-11. This is horrendous. I'm so sorry, everybody. And Michelle, I wouldn't recommend it. You've got Dave's band booking diary. Who have you booked to perform the after-party here? Dave Matthews Band. You've got the Dave Matthews Band in.

Holy moly. I think that might be a repeat entry into the TripTitch Club. They might be the first band who's performed twice. And rightly so, that was so good the first time. They absolutely dominated. People said bring them back and we said, yeah, right, okay. My worries, we root. So we're welcoming three inductees in and Michelle.

You make some sort of, you're on the stage hyping them up. I'm reading their name. And as they come in, the whole crowd's doing a slow clap. You're on stage and you're making some sort of weak pun if you're like Dave or whatever you like with their name or where they're from. So you're ready to go? Making a weak pun. Yeah, well, that's what Dave does. You can do whatever you like.

Yeah. But you're just hyping them up as they come in anyway. Yeah, hyping them up. So firstly, I'm lifting up the Velvet Rope here and welcoming in from Emsworth in England. It's Adam. Oh, everybody. We've got a real treat for you. tonight coming in from Emsworth.

We've got him. You got it. It's you go. That is good stuff. Welcome, Adam. And from Sydney in New South Wales, Australia, it's Ainsley Tooms. Ainsley Tooms is coming in the front door. Everybody buy a drink for Ainsley.

Ainsley doesn't want the 9-11 cocktail. Get Ainsley something nice like a whiskey. I'd like this better than Dave's week. This is so much better. I don't do it. puns. I'm really sorry. No, I appreciate that. This is easily better.

This is way better. This is way better. Like quite a long margin. And finally from Harrod in Ohio, God's country in the United States. It's Dean Coley. Oh, some say it was too cool for us, but here it comes. Dan Cooley. I tried to do a pun by.

That is totally what Dave would have. No, you deserve a song. Here it comes. It's Dan Cooley. Get him a drink. He wants a night of less. Oh, Dean, no. Don't, Dean, don't drink it.

It's not good for you. And it's probably insensitively named. Don't support it. Welcome into the club, Dean, Ainsley and Adam. And that brings us to the end of the episode. Michelle, thanks so much for joining us. Thank you. Please, listeners, go see Michelle, if she's coming to your country,

Edinburgh Festival, French Festival, especially, but also, will they be able to see you in New York? No, you can't see me in New York. I'm doing secret things, but you can, I don't think this will come out in time for you to see me in Canada either. So, but just look and see if I'm in your country because I could be. At any given moment, I can pop up in any country. You really don't know. It's crazy.

There's no way of knowing. She's crazy like that. But do come in Edinburgh. Please do come. Please. And yeah. Some people are like, are you coming to like Glasgow? And I'm like, no, I'm not coming to Glasgow, but I'm coming really, really far.

Like, just please if you want to see me, just get on the train. Like, so close. Your accents are really different. But it's so close. Yeah. And yeah, send us, I'd love to see selfies there. Tag us in on the Dogo on social media. It's Dogo On Pod on Instagram, Twitter.

TikTok now? No, it's something else on there, is it? No, it's Dogo on Podcast, maybe on TikTok. But surely if you start typing in Do Go On Pod, it will come up. Jess, anything else we need to tell people before we go? Just that we love them and that anybody can suggest a topic. There's a link in the show notes. It's also on our website, dogoonpod.com.

We've got merch you can buy on dogoonpod.com as well. and I guess I'll do the Dave and I'll boot at home. Yeah, great. If you think you know any friends who might like it, please share us. Yeah, absolutely. Share it around. Give us a hot recommend. Put it on your little Instagram story.

All your big ones. Don't patronise them. How dare you? I only want little ones. Okay. Sometimes there's too many. Too many long stories. Too many.

Just, yeah, short and sweet. But until next week, we will say thank you and goodbye. Later. Bye. I'd do Dave and me. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later,

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