Do Go On - 358 - The 1908 New York City to Paris Motor Race

Episode Date: August 31, 2022

After the success of the 1907 Peking to Paris Race (discussed in episode 348) an even more outrageous car race was organised, this is the wild story of the 1908 New York City to Paris Motor Race! We are joined by Sanspants Radio's Cass Paige and Joel Duscher!Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: dogoonpod.com or patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/ Check out our new merch! : https://do-go-on-podcast.creator-spring.com/Check out Cass and Joel's podcasts: https://www.sanspantsradio.com/ Stream our 300th episode with extra quiz (and 16 other episodes with bonus content): https://sospresents.com/authors/dogoonCheck out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​ Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasREFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:‘Race of the Century: The Heroic True Story of the 1908 New York to Paris Auto Race’ by Julie M Fensterhttps://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/paris-or-bust-the-great-new-york-to-paris-auto-race-of-1908-116784616/https://www.thegreatautorace.com/race.htmhttps://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/10/automobiles/10RACE.htmlhttps://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/story?id=132033&page=1 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Just jumping in really quickly at the start of today's episode to tell you about some upcoming opportunities to see us live in the flesh. And you can see us live at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2024. We are doing three live podcasts on Sundays at 3.30 at Basement Comedy Club, April 7, 14 and 21. You can get tickets at dogo1pod.com. Matt, you're also doing some shows around the country. That's right. I'm doing shows with Saren Jayamana, who's been on the show before. We're going to be in Perth in January, Adelaide in February, Melbourne through the festival in April, and then Brisbane after that. I'm also doing Who Knew It's in Perth and Adelaide. Details for all that stuff at mattstuartcomedy.com.

You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs and mozzarella balls, yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats, get almost, almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water.

We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On My name is Jess Perkins and as always I'm here with Matt Stewart Hello Matt

Hey Jess, so good to be here Obviously Dave is still missing We continue our half-hearted search to find him Stuart, hello Matt. Hey Jess, so good to be here. Obviously Dave is still missing. We continue our half-hearted search to find him and we wish him well wherever he is in Oh, we wish him all the best. All the best. Dave, if you're listening, get in touch little buddy. Yeah. If you want to.

If you want to. Hey, no pressure. And also remember to get me a magnet from wherever you are. That'd be fantastic. That's the rule. But Matt, we are not alone. Thank God, because that would end so badly. Dave left his two tiny shoes here and we've got, because they're tiny in size, but they're

large in spirit. That's right. So we've got two large spirited, but small hooved guests today. It narrows down who we can get. Yeah, it does. Yeah. There was in the end only two that fit the bill That's right

And they are Joel Dushan, Cass Page from the Sands Pants Radio Network Welcome Oh it's lovely to be in this here shoe I feel like Cinderella Yeah it's great to be here collectively We could be known as Dave too Yes Yeah

Or New Dave we will also answer to New Dave Yeah Yeah I might just collectively refer to both of you as new dave yeah that's fine and we respond yeah in unison absolutely nothing creepy about that um yeah thank you so much for coming um look i mean you return guests you guys know how this show works but i'll explain how it does anyway fantastic for new listeners who maybe you're like who are this matt and Jess? I wish they'd shut up.

More Cass and Dusha. Yeah. Who's Dave? Should we be worried? No. No is the end. No. Everything's fine.

Well, you love him, so you've let him go. Yeah. Exactly. If he comes back, he was yours. We're hoping that he'll come back. Because... Well, he hopes strong. Yeah.

I mean, we'd be fine if he came back. We'd be all right with that. I'm not against the idea. Yeah, I'm not against him coming back. You'd be medium on his return. It has been fun, though, to meet new people. It has been fun to meet new people. Speaking of new people, two returning guests.

Yeah, exactly. We've had all strangers come on to replace him. That's not true. We've gone for great friends and colleagues. Unlike Dave. Bad friend, bad colleague. He's fucked off for six weeks. Here we are trying to do everything. We didn't realise how much he did. He does so much.

We are panicking non-stop. Please don't come back. I'm so fucking tired, Dave. Dave. Dave. We're trying to play cool, but we need you, Dave. We need you, Dave. We need your tiny tush.

New Dave's trying their best, but we can fit the shoes, but not the tush, Molls. Nobody can fit that tush. Anyway, how this show works is one of the three of us, Dave's the third one usually, we go away, we research a topic, usually suggested by a listener. We come back, we report to the other two, and they sit quietly and listen respectfully,

and we don't go on any silly riffs. I'm excited to have four of us on the podcast today. A rare treat. So I might shut up a little bit as well. Yeah. And just let you guys enjoy. Yeah, that was my plan too. Okay. I thought you were more like yeah, Jess. No.

No, no, no, no. If anything, less Matt, more Jess. Okay. I really don't want the three of you to shut up at all. Please all get involved. We'll riff you to death. Good luck getting this story out. Yeah. Hey, that's how I want it to be.

So normally we ask a question to get on topic. You three kind of know what the topic is already because it's a sequel to the last time you're here. But I'm going to ask another question just because there's still points up for grabs. Oh, yeah. As far as we know, there is someone still keeping score on a Reddit thread somewhere or something. Yeah.

We just get an email update every now and then saying, hey, here's the scores. Yeah. That's what I assumed Reddit was, an email update every now and then. Oh, buddy. Are you gaslighting me right now? I'm not gaslighting you. He doesn't know what gaslighting is.

Okay. All right. So, the question is... Our names are buzzers. Just whoever starts talking. Jess's name is my buzzer. Question is... My buzzer is Dave.

Okay. My buzzer is also Jess. Question is, New York City is known as the Big Apple. What are three of the common nicknames for Paris? These are the three that topped all the lists. I found all these listicles. Yes, that's one. Jay Pari.

No, you're out. All right. Damn it. Cass. City of Lights? Yes. Oh. City of Light.

Yep, I'll pay that. La Baguette Grande. Is that one? I think she was clearing her throat. Go on again. Yeah, City of Love, City Lights. What else is there for us? They're all in English, these three as well.

Is it another city of? It's not a city of. I'm going to throw it over to Douche with a clue. It's also the nickname of one of Melbourne's famous shopping centres. Oh, the fashion capital. The fashion capital, that's right. Oh, the Fashion Capital. The Fashion Capital, that's right. Oh, that's good. I never would have got that.

Can you believe Chadston ripped it off? I thought that was Milan. Yeah, I always think of Milan as the Fashion Capital. Yeah, Milan is where it's happening. I'll never let go of the fact that Chadston gave themselves that title. So good. That's like their tagline. What do you call yourself? You can pick. What are you calling yourself?

Fashion capital. I call myself the city of love. Yeah, yeah. I get that. I get that. That's nice actually. It's a vibe I'm radiating constantly. I'll be the fashion lowercase. I don't have the time. Yeah, yeah. That's good. I'm so busy. That's good. The fashion casual.

Oh, that's better. That'm so busy. That's good. The Fashion Casual. Oh, that's better. That's so much better. Damn, I wish I was clever like Matt. Unfortunately, he's locked in lowercase. Yeah, and the fashion lowercase. Oh, well. So, on episode 348, when Jess was away, we had Dusha and Cass come in

and hear about the 1907 Peking to Paris motor race. This week, we're doing the sequel about the 1907 Peking to Paris motor race. This week we're doing the sequel about the 1908 New York to Paris motor race. Dusha sort of alluded to it. I don't know how much I knew about it. And I think you knew a little bit about it. And you mentioned at the end of that episode. Yeah. So I actually said this to you off mic, but I'll repeat it to the audience.

It's important that you give context. We have heard this before. BTS. Yeah. This is just so important that you give context. Yeah, yeah. We have heard this before. BTS. Yeah, this is just so they know that we knew. Yeah, yeah. So you knew and now the listeners know and now they're also getting a peek behind the curtain that we did start talking before we hit record. This is something they teach you in radio, but obviously not at Sands Pants.

You don't have to let people know that you spoke about it off air first. No, definitely not. Yeah, it's a waste of time and words. Yeah, yeah. But what you should do if someone does do that. You use that information to your advantage. So if somebody was just like, oh, yeah, I've just come from Milan, the fashion capital, on air, you'd be like, and where have you come from?

Yeah. And they go, oh, I've come from, oh, amazing. Yeah, it's more efficient. Totally. Yeah, so it makes for better radio and entertainment. You've got to make sure you're not saying things that don't need to be said. Yeah, yeah, that's right. At Sandspancer, gotta make sure You're not saying things That don't need to be said Yeah yeah That's right At Sandspence

They just simply teach us To zig when the People are expecting you To zag So therefore It's constantly Causing conflict Which is

You threw to me Because you knew I'd already answered this I included that It was Great great podcasting But I think The most important thing

Is that I Told everyone about that And we're still talking about it now. That's right. That's true. We're on topic and that's rewarding for every listener. So back to your question, Matt. As I did answer before.

You're giving me no chance to edit that last minute of bullshit out. I would say that I probably, out of 10, know this story between a one and a 1.5. Okay. So I just knew that it happened and that I think my knowledge of it range from reading of like reading that a race happened and me thinking that's a long distance and seems like a bad idea. Did they have cars in 1908? Yeah, probably.

Wow. I don't know history. And then moved on. Yeah, right. I like that reading about a car race and being like, wait, did cars exist? Probably. Yeah. That's a nice thing. Same thing racing them.

It's a nice thing to Google, but I won't. Yeah. So this is the year after the peaking to Paris. Yes, it's the following year. They were like, great idea, round two. Yeah, let's do that again. So this was suggested by Travis Alexander from Gulfport in Mississippi in the United States. Kendrick Doob or Joob from Hanover in Germany.

Alana Antunes from Brampton, I'm not sure where. And Karen Breheimer from Portland. I'd just like to personally say thank you to every single one of those people. Yes. I mean, I'm always say thank you to every single one of those people. Yes. I mean, I'm always surprised by how great our listeners' names are. Another good- Kendrick Jube. Oh, my God.

That's so good. That's really good stuff. Yeah. Holy frickin' hell. Someone's got clever parents. Yeah. Yes. So, you might have noticed that both of these races finished in Paris.

Yeah, City of Love, City of Lights, Fashion Capital. That's right. That's where you want to end a race. Then you can find love, see some lights and get a new fit. Yeah. And this is because France was really at the centre of the world's automaking in the early 1900s. You think of France, you think of cars. Big time.

That's why it should be called the fashion carpital. That's what I would have done. That would make way more sense. If they're the car, if they're the fashion carpital, why not start there? Yeah. Wouldn't you want to get a good car from Gay Paris? Wait, Grand Prix is a French term, isn't it? Yeah.

Hi there, Grand Prix. Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I guess I'd never actually put two and two together. Yeah, I didn't either. You think of Germany and these cars. And America. Australia. Ford v. Holden.

Bathurst. Mount Panorama. Rocky King of the Mountain. Dick Johnson. Any chance to bring him up? All of this came up in the last episode. Yeah, great. Which I've just been listening to try and catch up.

Is it good to live the episode now? It's fun. Well, Dick Johnson definitely had Casco. That's two penises. That was fun. Yeah, all that was going through my head. I think I've said this. People haven't heard it.

Yeah, definitely listen to 348 first As Jess has just done And you'll get to hear What just happened then Again but in the past It'll all make sense It'll be so fun So in France the idea of city to city races

Was very popular Julie M Fenster has written a great book about the event Called Race of the Century The heroic true story of the city races was very popular julie m fenster has written a great book about the event called race of the century the heroic true story of the 1908 new york to paris auto race so they just completely discounted the one before they're like yeah because i personally i i mean this one is a longer boulder race but i think the 1907 peaking to paris was a better romp. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Higher romp factor. Yes.

But, I mean, it's also good. So, yeah, race of the century, huge call. Calling it heroic is also good because it's like these drivers are heroes for volunteering to do this thing they didn't have to do. Yeah, exactly. The benefits, them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Heroes.

Yeah, and really it benefits the car industry. And I think a lot of people now go, oh, cars being dominant around the world maybe isn't the best thing, but. I mean, what do you want to do? Go back to horse and car. Yeah. Kind of. Original horsepower. Actually, that would be sick.

Yeah. Have you seen Brendan Fraser's horse? It's freckly. It's a beautiful beast. His name is Pechas, which is Spanish for freckles. Oh, it's so cute. What a freaking steed that is. Man, I hope someone describes me as a freaking steed one day.

Anyway, according to Fenster, in these early 1900s city-to-city races in France, competitors drove at a frantic pace from one point to another, from Paris to the city of Bordeaux, for example, in some of the most sizzling race action ever seen. That is a great sentence. I will also say Bordeaux, great word. Anytime something is like a dark red, I describe it a bordeaux and it it amplifies my conversation it makes me a better person to talk to takes it up a notch like if i'm like oh i love your shoes like could i grab one in the bordeaux please oh yeah shut up yeah i love that but don't please keep talking yeah it's better than like

oh the wine colored one is that Does it come in Bordeaux? Bordeaux. Oh, that's good. Fencer continues. French roads were exceptionally good due to the country's mild weather and engineering tradition. So, drivers lived the dream of going as fast as they wanted or could over varied terrain. City of roads. They don't call it that for no reason. That's right.

Auto races were hailed as pioneers for going 30 or even 40 miles per hour. Jesus Christ. But 19th century cows, dogs and pedestrians proved less successful in facing traffic at those speeds. Race fans enthusiastically judged city to city races according to the average miles per hour of the winner. Everyone else, however, judged each race by how many bystanders had been killed along the way. What? That's how we should judge everything. What's the body count?

Is it golf rules? Well, yeah, I guess. I mean, it depends. Basketball rules. Yeah, imagine if it was basketball rules. Two points for every day. Three if it was basketball the most points for every day three if it was a long range from downtown the perimeter uh yeah that's a grim factor i think yeah that is it is tricky to figure out if it would be

goal for basketball rules though because if it is because look if you distance yourself from the loss of human life if lots of people die it is i would say again not personally but that does add an excitement factor like 10 people died 100 people died my god what a race so it's bowling rules there's there's a pedestrian on either side of the road. They're like, how are we going to get a spare here? You got to drift around. Only the most skilled drivers can...

Okay. Anyway, unsurprisingly, France outlawed these city-to-city races within its borders, which is why racetrack racing came into vogue. Just in case the mics are picking up those power tools. I reckon they might be at this point. Yeah, it was a bit more subtle before. We're in the new Stupid L Studios and finishing touches are happening. We were told it would be a quiet day in here today,

which I guess it's all relative. Well, it is. The power tools are not in this room. No. They're not even on this floor of the building. It's upstairs immediately above us. In terms of being in an active construction zone, yeah, this is pretty quiet.

Yeah, this is bad. I listen to podcasts all the time where the hosts talk about noises that you can't hear. So I'm always like, will they pick it hosts talk about noises that you can't hear. So I'm always like, will they pick it up? But, yeah, that is pretty loud. That one I think maybe. Because I'm sitting next to you and when that goes, sometimes I can't quite hear you.

And the couch we're sitting on is moving from the vibration. That bit I'm okay with. We started on the other side of the room. Having our own rest. God, we miss Dave. Yeah, we've found that we get a bit looser without Dave. He's in some sort of anchor point. Dave has never stared at this.

We miss you, Dave. Come back, point dave knows where to end silly yeah and we don't always know yeah you've invited two terrible guests if you want to tone down the silly um there is something at work known as the doucher goodbye um which do you know about this oh yeah i do okay on another podcast which is you know where if so joel will go to say goodbye to someone and then you might come into the room 15 minutes later he's still there yeah he might be out the door with his bag i found out what the douche goodbye was because i was told that i did it oh you're in trouble. You need a Dave. We need a Dave. Our little tush won't save you now. We've got two feet in the shoes.

In that exact instance, I'm the anti-doucher in that. I'm a hero out the door. Yeah. I respect that greatly. Yeah, I can't do it. Can't do it. I understand. Cass and I once got stuck saying goodbye to each other for nearly two hours.

It was just us two. Yeah, we got stuck in a loop. I think maybe once during COVID, we ended a Zoom work call and we got stuck on the Zoom for two more hours. That's amazing. It was pretty good. It's nice to catch up. We connect.

Nice chat by the sounds of it. Yeah, you just stand in a doorway or on the Zoom call, holding your bag, holding the keys in your hand. Hovering over the end call button. Yeah, the whole time. Anyway, yeah. Get a bit of RSI. Anyway, Matt, I'll be a Dave. Do go on.

Oh, thank you so much. So, yeah, so unsurprisingly, France has outlawed these races. The body counts were getting too high. They're like, let's try this new idea, these tracks. Which, as we learned in the last episode, the first one was in Melbourne. Whoa. I remember it was in Mordialloc or something, I think. Yeah.

So, yeah, these race track races came into vogue. And this is what the Parisian newspaper Le Matin was railing against when it set up and sponsored the Peking to Paris race in 1907. In 1908, Le Matin was ready to sponsor an even bigger race. That's when they paired up with the New York Times to sponsor this one. It's funny that looking at the 1907 race, they're like, fuck, great call, everyone. Let's do it again, but bigger. This is Jurassic Park would happen. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's not. The future is exciting. I'll tell you that. But I guess if previous to 1907, everyone was just dying all the time, every time they raced a car. In 1907, everything went wrong and there was no deaths. Maybe I guess it was a step up.

Like, I didn't even realize that. Like, if you're measuring races on how many people die, and then in 1907, you go cross-continent in a car and no one dies, you're like, this must be the future of racing. Yeah, that's actually really good. If you're playing golf rules, yeah, that's like an impossible round. What did you score, zero? Whoa. Didn't take a single shot. Lame.

It just kept going in the hole. The wind blew it from the first tee into the first hole into the second tee. It was crazy. I kept running after it. Wish I had my camera on me. It was crazy. I know we're doing great, but I'd like to be involved.

I'd love a swing. Greg Norman's running it down. Wait, does this still count for me? So, yeah. So, La Mata, the Parisian newspaper, they heard the idea from one of the guys who ends up in the race, who I'll talk about soon. And they're like, yeah, great idea. This is outrageous.

Let's do it. And then after hearing about it a bit, the New York Times were like, we want to be involved in this as well. Even back then, it was meant to be like a bit more of a serious newspaper. And they normally wouldn't create their own news like this which is basically what's going on they're like we're gonna make this event and then report on it every day for months um which was a bit tacky and tabloidy but uh for this yeah we're still talking about it now yeah my god according to karen abbott who i'll mention she wrote an article for the Smithsonian, which a lot of the people who suggested it said this is a good article on it.

So I quote her quite a bit. And she wrote, the proposed route would take the drivers across the United States, including through areas with very few paved roads, and then head north through Canada, then through Alaska. She and a lot of the other through Canada, then through Alaska. She and a lot of the other resources said, turn left at Alaska. I think the book, she wrote that in the book.

Fenster wrote that in the book and everyone's just quoted it. I'm like, you mean go west? Left. It's so weird to turn left. What if they're coming in from a different angle or something? No, turn left. Turn left. But I've seen Alaska. Wouldn't – I guess it depends on where you're standing.

But to me, left is the ocean. Yes. Oh, well, yeah, that's – that was probably the most audacious part of this idea of the race. So, yeah, they turn left at Alaska. Okay, if you see Alaska, turn left. If you hit the ocean, you've gone too far. No, but, you know, there's that, at the smallest part, you'll get to the Bering Strait,

the smallest gap between Alaska and Russia. And the racers, organisers started the race in winter so that the cars could drive over the frozen water connecting North America to Russia. Yeah. That, I think, was the 0.5 of the 1.5 I knew. I knew that driving on ice was involved. Right. Which seems-

Driving on ice means something different now. A lot of truck drivers do that. Ice truckers. Yes. Ice truckers. Yeah, of course. Yeah, that's what you mean Yeah

You can watch it on Seven Mate Yeah I love Seven Mate It's my favourite channel My favourite channel I love Seven Mate It's made just for me And the boys

Mate What's the girl channel? Gem Gem Lots of renovation shows on Gem There's Ten Peach I fucking love it Ten Peach Yeah The only thing of nine life Am I? Which is the reno show channel Which I love Gem, lots of renovation shows on Gem. There's 10 Peach. I fucking love it. 10 Peach.

The only thing of 9 Life. Am I? Which is the Renault show channel, which I love. I love 9 Life. You know my favourite show is House Hunters, preferably international. Well, that's handy for you because that's on at all times. Yeah. Every day.

I know. So, amazingly, the initial idea for this race was to travel from New York to Paris without the use of a boat. Firstly, if you think of New York to Paris, you go, oh, you mean heading east. That's the sort of the quickest route. But that's all ocean. Yeah. It's like, no, no, we're going the long way, the land way. Oh, there's still water to cross.

No, we're going to wait till it freezes. Oh. Briefly and theoretically. Yeah. Yeah. until it freezes. Oh. Briefly and theoretically.

Yeah. Because when I think ocean, I don't think it's frozen unless I'm thinking top of the globe or bottom of the globe, like ice caps. Yeah. If I'm thinking frozen bit of ocean, I'm like,

but not all the way down. Like that's just a little shell in the Cadbury cream egg of the globe. That's right. Yeah. So easy to crack open. That's the creme brulee. It is, you know.

It might feel firm, but just a little tap of a spoon will crack it. Simply a tap will shatter it. These are cars. The gooey deliciousness. I know. It's so good. So anyway, we've crossed the Bering Strait. Oh, they did it.

No, no. This is- Oh, we've crossed it. Hypothetically. We've covered it. Oh, imagine. Yeah, they're pretty much on the home straight now. So they crossed it.

That was fine. Nothing happened. Nothing happened. No one died. We were boring. In fact, no the home straight now. So they crossed it. That was fine. Nothing happened. Nothing happened. No one died. We're boring. In fact, no names are even listed. It just went well. It just went really well and everyone had a good time.

Not really noteworthy in many ways. I'm not sure why we're talking about it. Everyone does it now. They're driving across ice. Ice that is only partially ice because obviously they're either on icebergs which can float or it's frozen connecting. But cars are hot. Cars are hot and they have hot coming out the back of them.

Which means ice is going to make the car stop working or the cars are going to make the ice stop working. They're natural enemies, the hot and the cold. Aren't they? God, isn't that beautiful? Cass, you're getting bogged down in some ways. They just get across it. Sorry, I missed that.

Somehow they're going to get across it. And Abbott continues, from there, the course led through Siberia, so it gets easier. Oh, yeah. Through areas that no one had ever travelled by car. Yeah, I mean, how hard can it be? Where we're going, we won't need no roads, or whatever that quote is.

Great Scott. Before heading into the final stretch, where it gets a little easier moscow st petersburg berlin and paris yeah the further they go the better the roads get yeah overall 22 000 miles jesus christ uh 35 000 k's uh a trek in an age when the horse was considered more reliable than the horseless carriage which is what cars were known as at the time. A horseless carriage. So they were saying a horse would be better to cross the ocean. At the average person.

Horses can swim. They can swim. Cars can't swim. I think. Horses can swim. No. Yeah. Really?

Yeah. How? It's like little sticks under a potato. How would you do that? That's a good point. I thought that horses swam kind of like a dog swims. Yeah. I'm thinking I've seen horses in water,

but it's probably them crossing rivers where they can walk. Yeah, maybe it's more like a hippo swims, which is just walk on the bottom of the water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But hippos have little chunky legs. Like, I feel like a hippo's leg would push a fair amount of water back Whereas a horse I feel would Just slash through the water

We're thinking of seahorses No that's where we went wrong Damn it Not again Probably what I'm thinking of is them walking through rivers That are not as tall as them I thought waters were scared of horse You know

No I don't think they are You can take a water horse that are not as tall as them. Yeah. I thought waters were scared of horse. You know what I mean. Waters are scared of horse. No, I don't think they are. You can take a water of horse, but you can't make it not fear of cats, Kath. I reckon cats are scared of water, right? First thing is, can horses swim? The next thing is, can horses eat bananas? So, obviously, I'll be looking that up next. Okay, yep.

The answer is yes, horses can indeed swim. In fact, they're actually very competent swimmers due to their huge lungs, which enable them to naturally float. Ah, there you go. That's sick. I was focusing on the wrong bit. I was thinking of the kickers, not the floaters. And they, just by instinct, when they hit sort of deep water where their hands,

their hooves aren't on the bottom of a river, they instinctively, like they do like a paddle, which isn't too dissimilar to a trotting action. So they paddle like dogs, you know. Gorgeous. Now, can they eat bananas? Yes. Let's have a look. Can horses eat bananas?

Let's find out. Almost any fruits and many vegetables are safe treats for healthy horses. Apples and carrots are traditional favorites. You can safely offer your horse raisins, grapes, bananas, strawberries, cantaloupe, or other melons. So, yeah. Big melon fans. I think when an animal gets bigger, more food is allowed.

I was looking up, there was a possum I was trying to become friends with. It kept trying to jump into my room, but I didn't want that, but I wanted it to still like me. It kept slamming into my bedroom window trying to get in my room, but I didn't want that. But I wanted it to still like me. Yeah. It kept slamming into my bedroom window trying to get in, which was not good. That's scary. But trying to look up what I could feed them. And I found like something from Hillsville Sanctuary.

And they were like, okay, one almond every three days. They're too small. They can't handle a lot of extra food. But if you get too small, then they can eat anything again. Rats, ants. Oh, it's because they can only have one little nibble. They're like, oh, I couldn't possibly have any more. That's what the rats in my house say.

So you're saying bigger the animal, not only larger variety of food they can eat, but also quantity. Quantity of treat more similar to that of a human. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're learning so much today. Anyway, back to the horseless carriages. Oh, that's right. That's why we got into horses. Anyway, back to the horseless carriages.

Oh, that's right. That's why we got into horses. So the New York to Paris race was supposed to be and is still largely considered the greatest race of all time. Even surpassing the prior year's Peaking to Paris competition in which the winner, Italian Prince Scipione Borghese, who enlisted donkeys and mules to pull his car and sipped oily water from its radiator to relieve his thirst. His reward, as discussed in episode 34 348 was a magnum of champagne um yeah so and i i can't help but feel that maybe i mean the distance definitely is plays a huge part yeah but i also

think what plays a big part in it that an american's involved in this one. Yeah. And it starts in New York. And, you know, the internet, everything is, you know, all the stuff I'm reading from is American sources and stuff. It's more relevant to them as well. Yeah. And that's why I think this is the more famous of the races. Because like I say, I think the peaking race, like babies were saved and all sorts of wild things happened. A man scammed his way into coming second.

Oh, the greatest. That is the best thing I've ever heard. That man is, we need to study him. Yeah. Well, you're going to hear about him again soon. What? He's back? Oh my God, I'm excited.

Have you heard of like modern day stuff like on TikTok is getting big. They're talking about like being a siren and tapping into dark femininity. And they're like, I'm on a weird side of TikTok. They're like, women, take your power back. You can do this look and then anyone will fall for you. And it's like, I feel like it's the same thing of trying to pull a Goddard. But they're just reframing it. I think it's just confidence.

Yeah. They're like, people being like when Marilyn Monroe could do that thing where she could turn it on and people would notice her and she could turn it off. They're like, I can do that. I can Marilyn Monroe Could do that thing Where she could turn it on And people would notice her And she could turn it off They're like I can do that I can teach you

Download my ebook It's $30 They just want to be Goddard Everyone wants to be Goddard Yeah Now the test If that works or not Is did you buy the book

Not yet Well If you didn't buy the book How alluring were they Yeah They clearly didn't turn it on For the TikTok No

Which is either a big mistake Or they're full of shit Imagine they do Oh yeah If you didn't buy the book. How alluring were they? Yeah, they clearly didn't turn it on for the TikTok. No. Which is either a big mistake or they're full of shit. Imagine they do. Oh, yeah. Should I have turned it on for that shit? Yeah. That's embarrassing, isn't it? I mean, I did watch a lot of the TikToks just being like,

I just want to know a bit more about it. I'm not going to do it. Yeah. Oh, did they get me? Seems like they did. To put the undertaking in perspective, just how ridiculous it was, a New York importer at the time named Carlton Mabley said, The cars will have to climb mountains several times to an altitude of over 10,000 feet

and drop down the sides of mountain ranges on passes and roads that are well nigh impassable, even to the sure-footed beast of burden the drivers will have to go through rivers which in many cases will completely cover the wheels and flooring of the car and the motor will have to do its work at a temperature of 100 degrees as well as at at 50 below zero oh wait that's in fahrenheit's otherwise i would be dead i guess yeah but if that's in Fahrenheit, that's going very low, right? I think it's a weird system. Let me just check what that means.

Because 50 below Fahrenheit, I think, is... Their zero is now zero. Yeah. I had to learn that. Sorry. Negative 50 is negative 45. So it's pretty similar. Yeah. Wow, that's super cold. And 100... That's chilly. Bring a that, sorry. Negative 50 is negative 45, so it's pretty similar. Yeah. Wow, that's super cold.

That's chilly. Bring a jacket, guys. It's 37, so not that hot, but very hot to be in a car with a primitive car. Yeah. I'm starting to think that horses, like I agree now, could you ride a horse across a river? If horses can swim and they float. If they're swimming, can you be on them? Yeah.

Probably. I mean, that's be on them? Yeah. Probably. I mean, that's how people cross rivers. With horses. Do you have any bananas at the moment? Hold one in front of the horse? Yeah, I got to dangle it in front of the horse. And it'll be like... Yeah, people ride horses across rivers.

You can lead a horse to water with a banana, but can you make it swim across with you on its back? As the old adage goes yeah we never got to the bottom of that no um while this journey today would be incredibly tough back then it was seen as suicidal american congressman jefferson m levy said man can overcome nature to a certain point beyond that he is helpless the difficulties of the proposed race are so great that i doubt if human beings can surmount them he's like it's i don't think this is even possible a lot of people going this is ridiculous they opened up for people to apply and it got attention

but everyone was like that's a funny idea yeah obviously, wow. Obviously, we won't do it. And some car companies are like, they said, yeah, we're going to do it. Then the papers would write them up. And then they'd be like, we're obviously not going to do it. They'd just get the free publicity. And that kept happening over and over. That's crazy. Could you imagine if we announced a big race and then we had, like, a very high up politician release, like, some sort of eloquent statement to the same thing? Yeah.

That must have been very big. Do we have an eloquent politician at the moment? Not at the moment. Not ATM. But, you know, there's another election in a few years. Yeah, we can dream. Only a handful of people had been able to even cross the United States in a car at that point. And none of them had done so in winter, which is when this race was occurring because they needed that ice.

This was the time they picked the hardest time to do this race. Yeah. Just so they could. The ocean would be frozen. The ocean would be frozen and they could drive across it. This is just like, did anyone actually think the race was going to happen at this point? I reckon probably from Paris, you know, where they're making all these calls. Yeah.

The committee's over there. They probably don't fully understand it. They just did this race the year before that went through Siberia. Yeah. Actually, it was even months before because all this talk was happening in 1907 still. So they were pretty quick on to it. They were like, that was great.

Let's go again. That was unreal. Not everyone was like that. That Borghese, the guy who won the last race, was like, fuck that. I'm never doing anything like that again. Fuck that and fuck you for asking me. I would honestly, I would deter you from having a crack at this. If it's too good for a prince, it's too good for you.

Yeah. And apparently Italy wanted another racer, so they're going around going, well, last year we won with this prince. So they're going around asking all these noblemen and stuff, and they're like, no, no way. Probably going to just stick around and eat these Italianian feasts yeah i think i'm busy that yeah and you can that year go get fucked yeah how about yeah let me just check with my secretary yeah no she says i can't and fuck you how about that yeah not my words actually sorry yeah a bit rude I'll have a word Yeah Performance

Bit of an attitude Sleeper a hundo Good job Good thank you I love you So the race was to kick off On a snowy winter's morning As it turned out

On February the 2nd 1908 From Times Square In New York City Does every car this time Have a roof Because that was Something that didn't happen last

time. No. Perfect. Yeah, smart. That would have been crazy, pulling up at the first thing and just having snow falling onto your lap, being like, ooh. Should we have? No, not in the first year. None of them had hard roofs anyway. Some of them had like

canvas sort of covers. Well, canvas would have stopped snow, but then when the snow melted, that would not have stopped the water. Yeah, that would suck. And also, they hadn't figured out glass technology for windshields. It was seen as dangerous to have a windshield because glass didn't, like, you know, now it'll shatter in a safe way. Then it would shatter into shards.

So they're like, it's not a good idea to have a glass. So there were no windshields. Just have whatever hit you, hit you. Yeah. That's why racing goggles and stuff were a thing, I guess. That makes sense. But one of the cars did have a leather windshield. Oh, what?

Which only went up to chest height. So it shielded the wind, but it didn't block their vision, at least. So they just would have been, I would imagine they'd be getting blasted almost harder with the top bit of wind, right? Because it's bouncing off the little slope. It was like just sitting straight into their face. Yeah, it was angled right into their face.

There was a gap from either side. It was funneling it directly into their eyes. It's kind of flapping a bit. I never knew this. This might be obvious. It might be funnish. But do you know where Times Square got its name?

I don't. I don't know. I didn't realise either. This is from Fenster's book. Times Square wasn't yet a theatre district like it is now. Was it billboards? It wasn't all billboards. At the time, it was all hotels and there was only one skyscraper there,

the New York Times building, and that's where it got its name. So the newspaper, that was where it was headquartered. So Times Square is short for New York Times. There you go. That makes sense, I guess, doesn't it? Yeah, that's a very sensible answer. That's the kind of thing, it's like, why would we know? Yeah, that's just like-

It feels like such a famous place. Good to know. Good for trivia. Because, you know, I retain everything we talk about on the podcast. Oh, you simply must. That will serve me well in the future. Yeah. Yeah.

You have the very normal experience of people who've listened to the show reference something you've said and you remember everything. I remember everything. It's not confusing at all when people say, remember when you said this and you think, are you gaslighting me? Yeah. Are you gaslighting me? And then they say that's what gaslighting is. I don't know what gaslighting is. Like a lot of these

old timey events, even though they're quite famous, every article you read has conflicting information. Yeah, good stuff. So, you know, I'm picking and choosing a little bit. You gotta. There were you know, about picking and choosing A little bit You gotta There were You know about There's all these

Entrants coming and going A lot of them Never really being serious Apparently But according to Jerry Garrett Writing for the Times That's a trustworthy name

Jerry Garrett And he wrote an article For the New York Times Yeah that's fair I have not done that So No and I wouldn't trust you As far as I can throw you

Yeah that's fair enough Yet is also Very important That's true So according to him 13 cars were entered I have not done that. No, and I wouldn't trust you as far as I could throw you. Yeah, that's fair enough. Yet is also very important. That's true. So, according to him, 13 cars rented, but only six arrived at the starting line. Seven were no-shows. Ghosted. Of the six cars, three were from France. So, there could have been 13.

Could have been 13. But it was six. But it was six. I'm happier with six than 13. Yeah, half D. Yeah. Just an even number. But it was six. I'm happier with six than 13. Yeah, half D? Yeah. Just an even number. Or a BD.

BD. Yeah. HD or BD? BD. What's the B? Bakers? BD is 13. BD 13.

Got it, got it, got it, got it. HD. HD half does. Half does. Yep, I got it. HD, please. So, of the six cars Three were from France

Makes sense They made up half the race That was They were the ones Who liked the idea Yeah they wanted to go home Yeah And then

You know It's fun to have to Catch a ship Yeah To the starting line It's fun to leave The finish line To go to the start

To then immediately Go back to the finish line Yeah In the slowest possible way Yeah One was from Germany One to leave the finish line, to go to the start, to then immediately go back to the finish line. Yeah. In the slowest possible way. Yeah. One was from Germany, one from Italy, and one from the United States. I reckon, though, maybe there is some logic to that, because then when you finish the race, you're home.

That's true. You don't have to then travel home, and you're already exhausted. You know, you're already home, so you just, like, get an Uber back to your apartment. Yeah. And go to bed. Or you cross the finish line and just keep driving, and then park, and then get out, and you just leave. Just wave. Thanks, guys. already home. So you just like get an Uber back to your apartment and go to bed. Or you cross the finish line and just keep driving and then park and then get out. Just wave. Thanks, guys.

See ya. Cheers. Maybe that's the point of holidays. Like we get so far away so that we've got a good journey home. Oh, yeah. It's all about the journey, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah.

Probably when this comes out, I'm on holiday and I cannot wait for the flight home. Yeah. I'm just killing time. You get there day one, you're like, oh, home in a week. Couldn't come soon enough, am I right? Can't wait to relax. The perfect length holiday is when you're a little bit looking forward to home at the end.

You're not dying to get home, but you're like, oh, there's a few things that I'm looking forward to doing, like lying in my bed. Fuck, I love my bed. It's so good. Apparently it's very good for your brain to be bored. Is it? I think that's why you have your good ideas in the shower

because your brain can actually go gooey and nice and then it'll tickle itself into having cool ideas. That's why you're most creative. The younger generation, I say this as someone older than a boomer, The younger generation I say this as someone older than a boomer That's why the younger generations Just are lazy Yeah

They don't want to work Yeah Yeah Etc It's because they don't get bored They're always on their bloody phones And I'm looking at three of them right now. I'm going to text my TikToks.

I'm going to... Let me do it, man. Yeah, we're all famously Gen Z. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gen Z. Gen Z. I hate everyone older than me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's responsible to hate anyone older than you. I can't be bored, which means I have no new ideas. It's responsible to hate anyone older than you. I can't be bored, which means I have no new ideas. I saw a month or so back, I saw this great Twitter thread, which is what old people use as social media. I know, be real. Someone had collated all these newspaper articles going back a decade or more at a time with the quote,

no one wants to work anymore, going back into the 1800s. It's just been something that, you know, the older generation has always said about the younger generation. That's very funny. Same as they're lazy and they don't respect their elders and all those things. They've just been – and it's so funny that we just keep repeating the same things.

Yeah. And you hear it when you're a kid, right? Yeah. And you go, that's ridiculous. And then you get older and then you say it about the same things. And you hear it when you're a kid, right? And you go, that's ridiculous. And then you get old and then you say it about the younger generation. You're like, how do you not remember how annoying that was? They do the same thing. You can also go back and search for articles of people talking about how media is getting too short.

Like people saying people aren't reading books anymore. They're only reading articles in the journal. They're going to get stupid and people aren't reading books anymore they're only reading articles in the journal they're gonna get stupid and oh people aren't reading journal articles anymore they're reading magazine articles and they're getting shorter too and people are becoming stupid and our attention span is getting too short and people are we're not a tweeter and now they're gone at vines and they're tiktoks and they're too short no one's watching the video essays anymore they're just watching the clickbait videos we always say say it. And I think it's cool that we're becoming more efficient

and we shed a lot of what we need. Will it kill us? Absolutely. I think we're destined to die. But we'll do it so quick. Yeah, we'll do it efficiently. Yeah. And that's important.

Blast ourselves into the sun precisely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is true as time goes on, our life expectancy has shortened, hasn't it yeah famously it makes it does make sense they're right it has definitely all that stuff but if we're becoming so much more efficient our lives are getting so much longer oh man what look at what we're

packing in look how many tiktoks you could pack into a lot so many maybe by the end of our lives we'll get bored and find the meaning of life finally we'll finally get bored enough to relax and have a thought. I love that we haven't got to the start of the race yet. No! So we've got three French cars, one German, one Italian, and one American. And a partridge in a pear tree. Apparently the British didn't have any interest in the race. They had a bunch of their own races over there.

Oh, we've got cups of tea to drink. Thank you so much. We're too busy visiting the king. They had a bunch of their own races over there. Oh, we've got cups of tea to drink. Thank you so much. We're too busy visiting the king. Hello, king. Good day, peasants. Okay, see you tomorrow. They do that every day. Yeah, it's important.

It's cute, though. Good morning, Big Ben. Actually, I can't see Big Ben from the streets. Not from the streets of Paris. How can I be expected to live Actually Big Ben is the bell Not the tower Cass that was pretty embarrassing Big Ben is the bell

Yeah Big Ben is the bell of the tower The tower is actually called something else What's it called Big clock Benjamin Big Ben and Jammin The tower's actually called something else What's it called? Big clock Big clock Benjamin Yeah

Mr. Clock To you please Yeah no that were like I like how you like English so posh The French though you know There's a knockabout where I can remember in France Famous battle is the French Yeah

And the Italian princes We have no problem with any of them. But yeah, apparently they, whatever, I think it was the Fenster book, she's like, and they had no real desire to drive from anywhere to France. Sure. That makes sense. So representing France was a Dédion, which you might recall from the last episode. There were two Dédillons in the last one.

A Motoblock and a Césaire Noudin. One of the person's name was Motoblock? One of the car's name. Motoblock. The German entrance was a Protos. The Italian was a Zust. I'm possibly not saying any of these right. I reckon you've nailed all of them.

You're 100% so far. The American was a Thomas Flyer.'m possibly not saying any of these right. I reckon you've nailed all of them. You're 100% so far. The American was a Thomas Flyer. I'm not sure about that one. Yeah, it was American. The Thomas Flyer. Let's talk about the contestants. Firstly, a couple of names you'll remember from the Peking to Paris race were involved again. Do you recall August Pons?

I do. I do. In 1907, he drove the three-wheeler Contal. It didn't make it out of the Gobi Desert. Yeah, that's the one. Dropped him early. He had this theory that lighter, lower-powered vehicles were the best for these long-distance races. But that meant he didn't have a lot of the stuff that he needed, right?

That's right. He wasn't carrying much. For these long distance races. But that meant he didn't have a lot of the stuff that he needed, right? That's right. He wasn't carrying much. And was he the one that was basically going to die along with the car and then was rescued by some locals? Yeah.

Lucky. No ponds in the desert. And then so, but obviously he learnt, obviously light cars are not the way to go. Heavy. Or did he go, hmm, there's mountains this time. Lighter cars, upper mountain, desert, bad mountain, light car, three wheels. Let's go again. He stuck with a light one cylinder car, but he did add a fourth wheel.

Oh, huge. All right. Imagine the egg on our face if he wins. I know. And we're like, look at this fucking idiot. One gallon car, dickhead. Oh, he thinks four wheels, that's going to be the kicker that fixes him. And then he just has a smooth ride away.

Oh, never mind. So he drove the Césaire Nordin. It sounds like it was an upgrade, but only a slight upgrade. Garrett described the ride as tiny and ill-prepared. Okay, ill-prepared doesn't fill me with a lot of hope. He's giving the game away a little bit. I'm going to be real. That was fully Ponds' MO.

He's like, I'm the ill-equipped guy. That's what I'm famous for. Why wouldn't you just be like, God, I'm so lucky those locals found me. Not going to be that silly again. Yeah, the guy who won was like that. Yeah, and this guy who nearly died

is like, I'll have another crack. Do you know what? If you were nearing death in the most improbable scenario you could have fathomed and you just get, I don't know, like deus ex machina out of there. He was like, yeah. He's like, well, I'm God's favorite. I can't die. I'm invincible. Yeah.

If you were already a believer, that would just confirm it. Yeah. You're right. Also, what are the chances of it happening again, even if you were already a believer, that would just confirm it. Yeah, you're right. Also, what are the chances of it happening again, even if you do put yourself in exactly the same situation? I know. You've got four wheels this time. It can't go wrong.

Yeah, you've got a whole extra wheel. Yeah. That's 33% more wheel. Yeah. And many, many thousand miles more to travel. Well, yeah, that's why it's got an extra wheel. That's what the extra wheel is for. If the car hadn't have broken down, he would have made it.

So he was pretty much fine. It's just the car breaking down, which won't happen again. No, what are the chances? He certainly won't make any comical mistakes right off the bat. Oh no! Oh no, I left my keys at home! Wait, I was meant to put

petrol in this thing? He's left the car at home. He's walking for ages before he realises. Just clicking a little key, being like, has anybody seen it? I just had that feeling you'd forgotten something. Oh, it's the car. These other cars are really fast. He took the boat all the way to the starting line

and then was just patting around his pockets. The car's gone. The car's gone. I drank the petrol. Hang on. I've got my backpack. starting line and then was just patting around his pockets the car's gone the car's gone i drank the petrol um hang on i've got my backpack so i was in the garage all right and i started walking out the door and ah see where i've gone there it is all right it is can we pause the race give me like two months i'll be back so so we have ponds then we have the great man charles goddard yeah no way and uh fresh out of jail yes i think i called him dutch in the last episode

like which i confused with because his car was done but he was actually a frenchman so apologies to la la i didn't get to the end of it. He went to jail? Yes. Just for his crimes. Don't worry, he's fine. He got pulled out of his car pretty much right towards the end of the race. Then he broke out of jail and almost made it back into the car to be dragged back in. Because he got right to the end and wanted to finish the race himself. But he couldn't, unfortunately.

He was an absolute mad dog. Yeah. A true badass. love this guy so he busted out of jail and went directly to the starting line yeah he was he was just yeah a vagabond yeah i've just listened to the part where i fell in love with oh yeah yeah yeah so i'm up to i'm listening to it i'm up to the part part where they were stuck in the desert and somebody said, we'll go to the next town and send back some petrol. Petrol doesn't come for two days.

He walks off because his journalist is dying. He's like, I've got to go get help. He comes back two hours later with an army of people. Two hours it took him. Incredibles. And at that point in the last episode, Dusha was already Very much in love with him So it only got better

It happened the moment That he sold all of his Spare parts to I can't remember What he used that money for Just to fund his journey Oh yeah That's right

He sold all the spare parts To get to the start of the race So he Yeah He had a lot of luck Will his luck Continue in this race He just needs to do

One more impressive thing And he's my guy This race as well Yeah great I mean The fact he got out of jail To do this race, I'm already pretty won over. So, he got out of jail, but then he still had- He went to jail because he conned his way and he owed a lot of money.

Yeah. He fraudulently borrowed money. So, he got out, but he paid those debts. Having some success in that race did his reputation as a car man a lot of good. And he got investors to back him. And his new company was called Motoblock. Oh! As made famous by earlier in this episode.

That's cool. I would have called them the Goddardmobiles, personally. Yeah, nice. God squad. God squad. We're part of the God squad. So he was again in debt to his investors. Of course he is.

Yes! But obviously his plan was to win this race. Yeah. I love Goddard and I love the skin of his teeth because that skin has held on so hard. He just gets out of jail, becomes weirdly successful enough, and it's like, I'm on the cheese again. Yeah. But he's like, yeah, he's always like,

oh, the next thing will pay for the last thing. I admire that in other people because I give up so quickly. Like, I would never even contemplate doing this race. Yeah, the reward of this is just a brutally awful time. This whole race for all of them is horrendous. Absolutely not. I mean, I don't go through it, but you can read that book and just hear in small details how every day is hell.

Just nonstop over and over. You could not pay me enough. You could be like, do this. And at the end, you get a billion dollars. I'd be like, have fun, everyone. I'll live my sad little life. Well, at the end of this, you get a trophy and maybe a thousand dollar prize. Absolutely not. No. Well, at the end of this, you get a trophy and maybe a thousand dollar prize.

Absolutely not. No. So I'm on the other side of the coin for Jess, where if you encourage, if you're just like, here's a really stupid idea, like you can just do it. I'd like for, I'd probably get pretty good stories out of it. I reckon I'll do it. And that's why I have no stories. I'm a very boring person. The other week, I know for a fact that Joel Dusha was made to do something because his

friend said, nah, just imagine you're on Jackass. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, that's what works. I'm in the right age bracket for that to be like. I'd be like, what would Johnny Knoxville do? He'd do it. I did it.

I think reverse psychology works on me. You have to tell me I couldn't possibly do it and then I'll have a crack. But the thing that's really putting me off with this race is that it's quite cold and we're currently inside in a warehouse with a heater and I'm adequately dressed and I'm uncomfortable. So, and I'm feeling sooky about it. That's because Dusha's got no pants on. Dusha's just putting

the heater right on me. Yeah. Now I'm thinking about this race. Well, you're thinking about the cold parts, but you're not thinking about how it's also going to be very warm. Yeah. And a tan. How people are going to later call you heroic.

Okay, I'm coming around to it. I would enter this race, and even if I broke down in the first hour, I'd be like, well, yeah, I'm a hero for doing it, though. Yeah. You didn't need any encouraging, though. You were in. I'm in, yeah. At the moment, they're like, hey, remember though. Yeah, you were in. I'm in.

Yeah, at the moment they're like, hey, remember that fucked up race from last year? I'm like, yeah, we're doing it again. I'm in. Like, whoa, okay. So, yeah, his whole plan was I'll win the race. Then I'll make a lot of money. Then, you know, I'll be able to pay all these people.

It is a pretty solid plan because he didn't win the race last time but still got a lot of attention. So I guess like if you're thinking like that, he's like, well, worked last time and I didn't even win. Imagine if I still got a lot of attention so i guess like if you're thinking like that he's like well worked last time and didn't even win imagine if i win yeah it's gonna be gonna i would i would put my money on him uh so uh he traveled with a mechanic named arthur hugh and he's like who else would be important some a guy with a video camera so he's like we need to document this and video cameras of the time as well very compact

yes very compact easy to travel with i mean just like today you could essentially just take an iphone yeah um so that would that's a good call i think yeah because that would have been film reel which is also famously very flammable okay great uh so that feels like a good idea In 37 degrees Celsius That would almost be hot enough For the film to combust Yeah Well, I'm sure They'll be running their AC

Yeah Of course So how much of the storage In the car was dedicated to film? All of it Okay That to remove part of the engine No

No, yeah, I mean I I think they had a decent, like all these cars were packed to the rafters with gear and supplies and stuff. Big, heavy, well, not all of them were big and heavy. One of them in particular wasn't. The Thomas was apparently a little bit lighter as well. But yeah, the cameraman's name, not that I'm bringing up again, but let's give him his moment. Yeah.

He lived so that we could tell this tale. That's right. Maurice Liviaire. Great name. But I just wanted to say his name to be honest. Maurice. Prior to the race, a boy asked Goddard if he'd make it to Paris. So when he was in New York driving past, a boy goes, What a brutal heckle.

Will you make it to Paris, sir? And Goddard quickly replied, sure will. Or just sure. I added the will. Sure isn't very. Well, he's French. He would have been like, oui. No, he said sure.

And then he turned to his teammates and in French said, what did the kids just say? And they said, oh, he asked if we'd make it to Paris. It turned out the only English word he knew was sure. Sure. He's a real yes man. Maybe that's why he's in all the races. Do you want to race again?

Sure. Sure. Sure. You might also remember the carmaker De Dion from their two entrants in the last race. Yes. We didn't talk about who De Dion was, the man behind the brand. It was Albert De Dion. He was a pioneer of the automobile industry in France.

He entered the game at a time when automobile enthusiasts were regarded as juvenile. A childish pursuit. Oh, silly little car boy doing their engineering. You think you're going to make a big machine? We got a horse, okay? Okay. It can go through a river. Yeah, you go build a car while I make these two horses fuck.

Then I've got another horse. Can your car do that? Wait, can cars fuck? Can cars fuck? Can cars fuck? Can cars do that? Because I'm all of a sudden a little enraged. That'll change my mind actually quite a lot. According to Fenster, when de Dion, a French count,

announced his intention to build automobiles in France in the 1880s, his family committed him to a rest home. They're like, you've lost it. You're too old to be making decisions with our family money. But he had the last laugh. Can I do that to you? Now? Yeah.

Yeah. I'd love to be in a rest zone. That sounds like the best place. Those little communities. A home for rest. All your friends. My favourite thing to do is rest. Big rec room.

Yeah. Movie night every night? Every night. Every night probably.. Big rec room. Yeah. Movie night every night? Every night. Every night probably. I don't know. Yeah. You've got a TV in your room to watch a movie. And you're going to pay for it?

Well, you're going to pay. That's what the way you're going to pay is you're going to send me there and then, how am I going to earn money to stay there? That's not my problem, mate. So you're offering me a lift? Yes. I'll help you move.'s kind that's real friendship okay moving is actually a big deal matt that's actually very kind of jess yeah it was the last

time someone moved house it sucks oh it's the worst i did it i did it during one of the big lockdowns last and it was nice to have something to do yeah that's fair i also moved during a lockdown we kept saying that we were going to make our prison our palace. And so we just spent the whole time doing up the place. Oh, lovely. It was really pretty. It was. What have you done since?

I moved again during the next lockdown. Yeah, you know how to party. You're addicted. I am. I'm getting to the stage where it's like, usually when a lockdown would happen and I'm like, I gotta move. It's time to go. I keep looking up different furniture so I can at least pretend I've moved. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Smart. Clever. So, his family sent him to a home. But he had the last laugh as he had not only outlived his doubting relatives a couple of decades later, but he inherited his father's title of Marquis along the way. I said that like I didn't know if that... Is that how you say it? I don't know if it is.

I think it's Marquis. I think it's Marquis. In 1907, Marquis de Dion was a highly respected businessman presiding as a founding father over French automaking and racing. How old is he? I think he was in his 50s or something so they put him in in his 30s or like yeah i think he was i think he wasn't that old maybe he was in his 60s maybe he's in his 40s oh my that's wild that's also embarrassing for the

family to put a member of your family into a rest home and then die before they die yeah i'm cringing. It's very cringing. Cringing themselves to death. Cringing. His nephew, Boursier Saint-Chaffre. I think you're just making sounds. I am, certainly. That's French, isn't it?

That's all words, actually, in any language. Just making sounds. Just a collection of sounds. Hang on. Sorry. How did he get out of the... Did he have to be committed to the rest home? That's as... I mean, that sorry i how did he get out of the is it did he have to be committed to the rest home that's that's as i mean that's how did he get out when the people

that put you in a rest home die you're free yeah oh it's like a genie's curse but i guess i guess he inherited the title and he had more power all of a sudden he's like um i can actually pay myself to be sane again they're like oh sorry you've got enough money to be normal. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're fine. Go for it. Normal, Cass. What kind of language are you using here? Their language.

Okay. I'm pretending I am the people at the rest home. Oh, well, then it should be normal. Yeah, normal means something very different in French. What does it mean? It means normal. It means normal. So, yeah, his nephew, this Saint Chaffray,

according to Fenster, was compact and dapper, a lively Frenchman and a very witty one. Compact and dapper. That's Dave Warnocky. Dave, where are you? He's at a rest home somewhere. And when we all die, he may be free again. This compact and dapper man is also the one who came up with the idea for the race.

And he was given the title of Commissioner General of the race. For Commissioner General Dave. This wasn't the first race he'd helped organise either. According to Abbott, St Chaffray once organised a motorboat race from Marseille to Algiers that resulted in every single boat sinking in the Mediterranean. What? Every single boat?

So he has good form for good races. That's attainment. He's got a good rep. So this is the guy who's like, yeah, we'll just drive across the ocean. What's the worst thing that'll happen? Clearly boats don't work because they all sunk. So we'll just drive. I know the

mistake we made with these boats. This race will be... Specified no boats. I didn't put that together. He's like, I'll never make that mistake again People associate me with sinking boats So I'm trying to shed that

No boats this race Oh me I'm a wheels guy Always been a landlubber His teammate But he can't resist the sweet call of the ocean He's gotta get back Well drive across it this time The sirens

His teammate was Hans Hendrik Hansen. Hans Hansen. Hans Hendrik Hansen. Hans Hendrik Hansen. Triple H. Whoa. He was- His initials were essentially white noise.

Trying to call in. I think he might be your new favorite maybe. Oh, that's a big call. I don't talk about him that much, but- Every time he pops up, Triple H does something incredible. Yeah, he's just sort of doing badass stuff. And he's described by Abbott as a swashbuckling Norwegian who claimed to have sailed a Viking ship solo to the North Pole,

which I feel like- I wonder if he even came up in your report about that- There's the report on people that have- Shocking Viking from a month or so back. Do you remember a few people falsely claimed they'd gone to the North Pole before someone actually did? He might have been one of them. Anyway-

Did they think they did? Was it just that they went to the wrong spot or did they lie? I imagine so. As far as I know, he seems like he was actually some sort of a badass. Badass. But yeah, so it's hard to know if he seems like he was actually some sort of a badass. Badass. But yeah. So it's hard to know if he was just maybe talking a bit of shit. Yeah.

Or if he just thought he got there. Well, this is the coldest I've ever been. I know where I am. And listeners, that's also something you can also do if you're looking to spice up a conversation. You can just claim you've been somewhere you haven't been. The person you're talking to is not going to know. Yeah. They're not going to care. Hey, Cass, remember last year when i went to brazil i do it was wild yeah it was crazy i went to brazil he's a brazil boy now it's a fun

thing you can just do brazil what was the best thing you ate in brazil brazil nuts yeah see he wouldn't be able to answer that question if he wasn't there that's true yeah great weather great weather in brazil yeah great weather well i've never, I've never been, so I wouldn't know. So I can't dispute that. How did you shave your pubes when you're over there? Well, they actually have a very particular type of waxing over there. Oh, okay. Didn't fall for my trap.

Waxing. So Triple H declared that he and his companions would reach Paris or, quote, our bodies will be found inside the car. And has everybody in the car agreed to that? He says that as he's locking the door. And he was like, I'm happy to be airlifted out, actually, in an emergency. Is that what he said about the boats? We'll reach the other side?

This wasn't Saint. Chaffray. This was Hendrick Hanson. Yeah, Triple H. I got confused between the two greatest men I've ever heard on Back to Back. I was like, surely it can only be one man. Yeah, well, I mean, I don't know if you can foreshadow anything here knowing that two alpha males are sharing a car. I imagine they'll work well together.

Carrying a car I imagine they'll Work well together H H H Okay Triple H Lived in Siberia And spoke

English Russian Chinese German French And Spanish Chinese isn't a language Okay

Well Cut that fencer Let's say Mandarin Yeah Do you know Was that true in 1908 Yeah that's what I mean Like

Or Triple H lied again. Oh, my God. Yeah, God. He's like, I speak Chinese. Who's checking? Fenster was like, so he could speak pretty much every language along the whole route. He would be able to talk to locals. He's quite handy.

Yeah. He's a handy person to have. Quite handy. And they weren't even going through Spain, just in case there were any Spanish people out of the way. Just tourists. Yeah. Well, that one you can just throw in because yeah yeah maybe there was like a burrito stall along the way yeah well i mean last race last race there was a team that was so far ahead that they went to a party for a week and then

came back so maybe he was thinking the same thing if i'm far enough ahead might finally get to check out grab an empan, get back on the road. Yeah. What's that famous Spanish dish where they're just all mixed in together? Paella? Paella. Yum, yum. Paella!

It's little John's favorite meal. Oh, that is a cute bit of fun. Which is what I love to have the most. He does love a cute bit of fun. In a connection to the previous episode, our swast buckling Norwegian was hired by the Russian government to find Salomon Andrii, who was attempting to reach the North Pole by balloon in 1897.

That was episode 211. You won't remember it, Jess, but I won't talk about it in case people haven't heard that episode. But yeah, he was- I haven't heard that episode. Was I there? I think we did it live somewhere. Okay.

Hanson packed a sail for the car, which he thought would help propel them across the Arctic tundra. That's actually... Look, it is stupid. But I also think in some ways it's maybe a bit clever. Okay, I want to share what I was going to say in reaction to that. That sounds like an idea we'd have. Because if you put the car in neutral because fuel is of the essence

it is the car's essence yes i reckon look it's not the cleverest idea but i mean i'm on board unfortunately unfortunately the team implodes before they get to try it out. It's cool that a race- I really wish they- Yeah, I really wish that the Dion made it so we would know. It's also great to know that in this race of incredible stamina that one team doesn't make it because they have a fight. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Sounds like it could be potentially, and I don't know this, because they have a fight yeah yeah yeah yeah well it sounds like it could be potentially and i don't know this one hell of a fight yeah sort of i don't want to talk it up to now it feels like now you're expecting too much okay i'm expecting murder it's a quarrel yeah uh you're telling me there's a fight with Triple H involved? Yes. Yeah, well, my expectations are there. Yeah. Triple H and the guy who sank all the boats in a race. Look, I'm giving him too much credit there. We still haven't started this race and we're over an hour into the episode. Oh, my God.

Emilio Sitori was the driver for the Italian Zust, which is spelt Z-U with an umlaut, S-T. Smiley face. What do you reckon? Does that make it U? It's a U. The U is a smiley face. Yeah. I am a smiley face.

U is a smiley face. Zust. Zust. That is a happy car brand name. I'd say Zust. Zust. Zust. Zut, zut.

Zut, zut. Zost. Zost. Zost. Zot, zot. Zot, zot. Traveling with Satori was a 21-year-old poet who was the son of an important guy who ran a newspaper, I think. And so he went along as the journalist.

Right. But he was also a poet. That rules that we've got a filmmaker and a poet in this race as well. I need somebody to paint portraits of me as we go. Yeah, the whole thing is taken up by an easel. With oil on canvas. The entire race is just told through tasteful nudes. Yeah, but it's beautiful. Oh, yeah.

Very tasteful. Very beautiful. The still life is just the end of the race. Like, let's see what you did. It's just lines across the thing. Like what you'd see out of a car going past. Their mechanic was German born, a man named Henry Hager. And he couldn't speak Italian.

He was on the Italian team. So the long journey to the start line, they spent a lot of it in silence. And apparently all of them were like, oh, my God, are we going to make it? They were all dreading it. Just because apparently all of them were like, oh my God, are we going to make it? They were all dreading it. Just because you can't chat. Well, yeah. I mean, being the one there who doesn't speak the languages of the other two, you'd be like, this is going to suck. But he's also the one who does speak the language of the car.

He's the mechanic. Oh, that's nice. So, he can't be going to them like, yeah, I reckon we'll make it. They're going, oh, I hope we make it. Language of the car. That's beautiful. Yeah, that's stunning. Prussian army officer Hans Koppen was the German entrant driving the Protos.

This guy really wanted to do it. He was the only one who had to put up his own money because the race was, they're like, it's going to cost at least 50 grand. It's just supplies and everything you have to put into it. And everyone else had sponsors and the car manufacturers were backing him. He's like looking for a car manufacturer just to give him a car. He wanted the money as well.

He ended up getting the Protos, but the guy was like, I'll give you, and then he found a newspaper who would pay him a bit to write articles on his journey. So he's got to drive and write articles. But he's got a typewriter on his lap. He's got to write the articles and he's got to front up the rest of the cost. Oof.

He reportedly regarded the race as an opportunity to raise his rank from lieutenant to captain. He's an army man, but he'd been an army man in peacetime. But he'd been an army man in peacetime So he spent a lot of his time Just reading about past failures And trying to learn from history And also you know just Kind of getting ready but he felt like I want to go and do something

His battlefield was Higher ranked Yeah that's right Copen didn't previously have an Also 1908 You don't need to wait long body Yeah What a shame that he didn't know Didn't previously have an answer. Also, 1908, you don't need to wait, long body. Yeah.

What a shame that he didn't know. Yeah, Germany? You're going to be pretty involved in a couple of little conflicts coming up. I think you might get your captain title if you live. It's great that he saw the car race. It's like, oh, okay, the race two. He didn't know war two was coming. Yeah, that's right.

Can't wait for the sequels, buddy. He didn't. war two was coming. Yeah, that's right. Can't wait for the sequels, buddy. He didn't. Yeah, war one was coming, I guess. Oh, I'm pretty behind. Well, actually, you're in the future. Yeah, I mean, you're still right. War two is coming. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I mean, there had been war before.

Oh, yeah. We've warred for centuries. Yeah, it was kind of weird that he was just landed in this little bit of peace yeah that must be nice uh so he up until that point had no interest in cars in fact he didn't know how to drive one and was much happier riding a horse um that's war war animal yeah yeah but he wasn't going to be the driver He was going on to be the captain He was the one leading the charge

From the back seat He's in charge of snacks He has curated a playlist Yeah he's got the orc squad He's downloaded a few podcasts that everyone will enjoy Yeah he's got the maps And which Yeah

Doesn't come up but there aren't many. So, they get maps whenever they can, but most of the... Yeah. I feel like earlier in the episode when you said they're driving through a part of the world that no one had ever driven before, I was thinking, yeah, a map's going to be pretty tricky.

Certainly no GPS. So, it's like a vibe smith. And his motivation was sort of career Yeah. Certainly no GPS. So, he's like a vibe smith. Yeah. Of the land. And his motivation was sort of career-based, but also patriotic. According to Fenster, the frustration in Germany was that no German car had participated in the arduous Peking to Paris race, which had captured the attention of Europe over the summer of 1907.

The whole idea for the New York to Paris race grew out of the excitement left over by the peaking race. The Italians had been in it, the French, and even the Dutch, with thanks to Goddard, who just went and talked a Dutchman into giving him a car, but not the Germans. And they're like, we're a big, proud car country. They made great cars. They made, you know, some of the earliest viable cars.

The car industry was still super young at the time. It's only a couple of decades old and most people didn't really drive still. Horses were still the main mode of transport. Apparently Germans built a lot of cars, but they didn't drive a lot in Germany. They exported a lot of them. But anyway, that was still like, it's weird that we didn't drive a lot in there in germany they exported a lot of them but anyway that was still like it's weird that we don't have we didn't have a car in that race we

need a car in this next race um and that's what copen um what motivated him he's like we're going to be representing this next one i'm the man to do it uh protest wasn't a big company the ones who ended up getting the car from. And they saw it as an opportunity to grow their business, which is what all the car manufacturers are like. What a great chance to... It's a gamble though. If you fail, it's like a high profile failure. If you succeed, it's a high profile success. Yeah, I reckon your car probably just needs to get, I would say minimum 50%.

Because then like as a buyer of a car you look at that you're like yeah but like I'm not going to be driving it over a frozen ocean. I'm going A to B Yeah and that's good like that's gone to A to D minimum so far but good. Sounds like yeah that's enough for me. Yeah. This was

quite influential even in the idea of cars going from A to B at this stage for the most part. I hadn't invented that of cars going from a to b at this stage for the most part i hadn't invented that yet cars went from a to a genuinely they like um they like towns in america had um car parks which were they people who had cars we still love those you know which are normally wealthy people. They'd go to a park and just drive around in circles. It was like a hobby.

It wasn't a mode of transport. It wasn't a mode of transport. It wasn't flex, yeah. Yeah, right. Much like, I mean, people have boats now just to go out and sail around and then you put them back in the dock, get in your car and drive home. Yeah, going from A to A. Yeah. and then you put them back in the dock, get in your car and drive home.

Yeah, going from A to A. Yeah. So Protos was a small company. They didn't have an inventory of cars in a big warehouse to choose from. They had to build each car to order. And that's what they had to do for our man Copen. HK. Yes, HK. Yeah. Copen. He uh them to make a car for him specifically only problem is it normally took them like five weeks if everything went to plan to build one of

their cars that's not bad that's a pretty fast he had about 16 days okay all right so quicker turnaround yeah do it in under half the time yeah How long would it take to make a car now? I know they turn them out a lot quicker. Yeah. But it's not like a day, is it? This is before, like only just before Henry Ford had really made the, started making the Model T and the, what do you call it? The production line.

So they were about to make it a lot quicker. What if this was influential? They're like, fuck, it used to take five weeks. This guy's about to make it a lot quicker. But yeah. What if this was influential? They're like, fuck, used to take five weeks. This guy's about to do it in 16 days, hopefully. The only thing is it took around 600 men to do it. And even then they were working right up to the last minute. So back in the day, so when you wanted a car in old times of old, would they have to custom make literally every single piece of the car? Yeah, I guess so.

Or could you – are there parts of the car that you could just buy from Bunnings? Or, you know, times of old equivalent. Ye old Bunnings. Yeah, you're like, well, I'm using the tools available to me, so half of the engine you can buy at, yeah, ye old Bunnings. No, this is in Germany. It would have been Das Bunnings. Yes, can you buy them at Das Bunnings? What is Das, mate? I don't know, but it was a good joke. No, this is in Germany. It would have been das bunnings. Yes. Can you buy them at Das Bunnings?

What does das mean? I don't know, but it was a good joke. The. Yeah. From the bunnings. Yeah, das boot means the boot. I googled how long does it take to build a car, and it says 18 to 35 hours.

Right. But it contains about 30,000 parts. Jesus. Yeah. Cars seem hard. Yeah. Maybe it's big Lego. Maybe it's fun to build a car.

Maybe we should all have a go. Mechanics. Cass has said maybe we should have a go. Like it's building Lego. It could be kind of fun. And Matt just goes, mechanics. Isn't that the Lego where you build cars? Is it not?

And I thought your reaction was, let's be mechanics. Yeah, let's be mechanics. That's a mechanics job. Isn't it fun that that's how the mechanics live? Mechanics. Yeah. I got all of that from the excited mechanics. Is it Lego Meccano?

Meccano. Oh, that would have been awesome. Mechanics. Yeah. I got all of that from the excited mechanics. Is it Lego Meccano? Meccano. Meccano. That would have been awesome. Mechanics. He is very tired. Yeah. Mechanics. Mechanics, yes.

Mechanics. Yes, man. We will be mechanics. Yes. It's exciting, isn't it? You're just walking me to the home now. Come on, bud. Yeah, you'll have a great rest.

Yeah, I don't have the worst car in it. So, HK's effort to join the race looked doomed as he, the car was under the pump just to get completed. He also hadn't applied for leave from his job in the army, which normally would take weeks as well. So, he was putting that in at the last minute. And apparently everyone wanted him they're all like yeah we support you to do this but unfortunately the process is the process and

this is going to take quite a while oh ditch uh and he got the army is always fine yeah they let you i just think i'm coming down with something i'm probably gonna need a couple of months off. 1908 Spanish flu. What kind of rules? Was it up to the stage where they cared? When was that thing in the European country where people started being like, I'm feeling too gay to come to work? Because they kept listing gayness as an illness. So people kept calling into work gay.

I'm too gay to work. Too gay. And then they were like, fine, okay, it's not a sickness anymore. You're allowed to be gay. The best protest, ditching rules. That's good. Love a rule ditch. And last minute he gets a letter back saying, or a telegram or whatever saying, your leave hasn't been approved.

And he's like, oh, shit. And calls were made and they figured it out. And then Kaiser Wilhelm II personally granted him permission. like oh shit and and calls were made and they figured it out and then kaiser wilhelm the second personally granted him permission saw it as a a way the kaiser was like i think it would be good for us to have a car in this race i think it would help our relationship with america yeah well hopefully nothing else comes along and fucks that up yeah it should be good should stay chill for the foreseeable future yeah yeah yeah i mean we did a couple episodes about world war one and yeah like the cars are like he didn't really want america like they wanted to be

buds with america and stuff anyway so um but yeah spoiler alert it doesn't end up uh then we had the american and this guy only entered the race right last minute. Even though America was the starting line, they didn't have a team until right at the end. All these teams are going, yeah, we're going to do it. And then like, nah, just joking. Thanks for that article, though. We've sold heaps of cars thanks to that article, but we're going to pull out now, I reckon. I will not be doing that.

Yeah. We've sold heaps of cars thanks to that article, but we're going to pull out now, I reckon. I will not be doing that. Yeah. Thomas, Mr. Thomas, the man behind the Thomas Flyer, was a real conservative sort of guy. He was from Buffalo, New York, and apparently, you know,

they were like, took a conservative route with everything. They're like, I just don't know if this makes sense for us to do this. Yeah. But when the Europeans and their cars arrived in town, apparently, and all the fanfare he saw around it, they were basically celebrities getting around New York. That sort of convinced him. He was like, nah, this feels like this would be good for business.

And he got Monty, Montague, Monty Roberts to drive. Oh, Monty. Oh, I like that. He was 25, but already relatively well known as a race car driver. 25 is old. Yeah, that's middle-aged in 1908. Funnily enough, that was seen as quite young as a race car driver at the time. Yeah, well, that means that he can actually drive a car that's not his. Yeah, that's true.

Insurance doesn't go up. Just made it. It's not his. Yeah, that's true. He just made it. Just made it. He was a race car driver and he was one of the first to like physically train, do weights and do aerobics to train for racing. He also worked part time delivering Thomas motor cars.

Okay. As well. How do you deliver them? Drive them. Exactly. Presumably. How do you get back yeah bus apparently after delivering one car um the customer asked him to teach his son how to drive

it that son was franklin roosevelt who went on to become president of the united states of america he also entered a 24-hour race at one point cars were meant to have teams of two alternating drivers and he said fuck that i'll do it myself right no he is shit no we need three he said i'm looking forward to my uh partner arriving but they never did so he had to drive the whole race himself which he did and. And he won. And he set a new record. And he got a lot of new fans. And this is what helped build some of his fame. Was that the- Who?

I was trying to think of a 24-hour race. Le Mans? Yeah. Oh, my God. It wasn't Le Mans, but it's like Le Mans. Fuck. I thought it was Le Mans. Le Mans is a 24-hour race.

Yeah. We learned that on this show. Remember when Dave told us about that? Was I there? Oh, no, you weren't there. I was there. That's what's good. He was one of you.

And I know it from that Christian Bale movie. Was that Le Mans? Yeah, Ford versus Ferrari. Monty's teammate was George Schuster, a 35-year-old mechanic from the Thomas Motor Company. Over the hill. He only got the call up the night before the race. Yeah.

Hey, do you want to yeah we need you for about six months yep for dropping everything and he's like great he had to jump on a train that night yeah get to new york imagine having no plan no commitments for the next six months that you could do that oh i'd be like i'm working tomorrow yeah but alternatively it's six months so your life's gonna be wildly different anyway, so maybe fuck it. Ditch? Just ditch. He was a married man. I'm learning a lot from you guys. If

something sucks, hit the bricks. Who cares? You can quit anything. You'll get a good story out of it. Well, I mean, this was his boss was asking him to do this job. He was a mechanic for the Thomas Madison. So he wasn't ditching. He was sucking a boot.

Hey, Jess, you've got work tomorrow. Unfortunately, your shift ends in six months from there. Yeah, that's different. I'd be like, of course, boss. Yeah, thank you. No worries, boss. Sorry that you had to call me. Get this, Jess.

This is going to be close to a record for this show. According to Abbott, Schuster was one of 21 children. No, no. That is way too many. be close to a record for this show according to abbott schuster was one of 21 children no no that is way too many and honestly too much fucking yeah fucking yeah really it's part yeah i guess the only question i have is do they know what's causing it great question um that is too many children yeah that's a bit money what's the What's the age gap between young and old? Yeah. Do you have that info handy?

Yeah. Make it up. Make it up. 21 years. Wow. That's true. Every year. 18 years.

I imagine there would triple and some double it. Yeah. You've got to have some doubles in there. Surely. Well, yeah. If it's 21. If it's 18 years in 21. Unless that was a joke.

It was. Oh, okay. Wow. Never mind. It could have been true. But 21. But nine months Oh, okay. Well, it could have been true. But 21- But nine months at a time? Yeah.

They could have just been- Just never leave the hospital. Yeah. I watched a video of a woman who was going through, like, she had like 10 kids or something. And then she was going through all of her kids, maybe fewer than 10 kids, showing all of them, showing all their ages and like how old they were. And they were all really close in age. And she's like, wow,

I just realised I've spent like nearly 90% of the decade pregnant. I'm like, oh, no. Yeah. What would that do to your brain? Yeah. My grandma had nine children. Just, yeah, I've done the maths before about how many years grandma spent pregnant. Terrifying.

Yeah. And it changes your body so much. Yeah. It makes your tummy real big. I've seen it. Yeah. Apparently, when some people get pregnant, it permanently changes the shape and size of your feet.

So your shoes don't even fit for the rest of your life anymore. Yeah. And what about the other person involved? Their balls would have been so sore. Yeah. We don't think about the dads enough. So much coming. My God.

Yeah, I don't think your balls should hurt. I think maybe. Depends how much. Oh, no. If you're coming, what, once every nine months? Yeah. Oh, that's too many. Douche, are you going to take that woman-splaining your balls?

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So Schuster's dad's name was great, Casper, and he was a German immigrant. George was a handyman. He was an expert radiator soldier, a chassis inspector, a motor tuner and a test driver. So he's a real... He can do everything. A nods and ends fellow. The chassis inspector is funny. Just be like, something's wrong with the car and he's like, hmm, yes, there is.

Yeah, the chassis is fine. It's got to be something else. Hmm, something's wrong with this chassis actually. Oh, can you fix it? No. That is not the work of an inspector. Did I say I'm a chassis repair it? No. That is not the work of an inspector. Did I say I'm a chassis repairman? No.

Apparently, Monty liked Schuster as a copilot. Obviously, he was a very handy guy, but also he liked that he wasn't too high a profile to steal attention away from himself. That's a good one to add, but anyway. Along with Schuster and Monty was T. Walter Williams, a reporter for the Times. Monty Roberts' Thomas Flyer was a stock car from the Thomas Motor Cars range. It was a powerful automobile for the time at 60 horsepower. It was about 50% more powerful than Prince Borghese's Etala from the Peking to Paris.

Wow. peek into paris wow in fact most of them had a relatively powerful uh cars and engines with speeds capable uh capable of doing speeds up to around 70 miles per hour assuming they could ever find a decent enough road for long enough to hit that mark which they rarely would uh the zust and the protos were 40 horsepower the de dion and the Motoblock 30 horsepower, and of course, Pons' single cylinder Césaire Nodin 15 horsepower. The hype around the race was large. So before that, apparently, it was like everyone was hyped about it in New York. They were going,

all the racers were just trying to prep their cars, but they had so many events they had to go to in the lead up, feasts and all these things. So they were just like instant celebrities. And apparently people were like, if I knew this was going to happen, I would have entered the race. This is sick. Like it's such, it's way bigger than anyone was expecting it to be.

Is it because no one actually expected it to happen? I reckon that's probably part of it as well i wonder if there's any benefit to like the short-term game long-term i guess issues with that of like entering the race and then just feigning a breakdown like you know when you get sick of it yeah i've been like cars fucked gotta go home because you've still got all the feasts and stuff people and then i guess like if you go long enough people still beasts and stuff people and then i guess like if you go long enough people still be like oh you had a crack i guess like i'm not impressed yeah but i'm neutral on it you just gotta you gotta walk that line because if you you know two days in people would lose respect for you i guess yeah or just forget about it because they're

worried about the cars forgetting about you though is fine yeah because they didn't know you before yeah it's just like if people actively feel, you know, negatively towards you. You are so Gen Z, man. Yeah. Yeah. 15 minutes. That's a thing that Gen Z started. Yeah.

Yeah. Before, we didn't need our 15 minutes of fame. We'd be embarrassed to get 15 minutes of fame. I was born in 2006. Yeah. I only know TikTok and Be Real. I don't even know what Be Real is. It's time to be real.

Got it. You wouldn't know, grandma. So, lining the street, the street, aka Broadway, to see the start of the race was 250,000 people. Jesus Christ. There wasn't that many people back then. No, they got back to create new ones oh that's why they were even having horses fucking they were like we need to make up the numbers here some of those people were foals i just told them to stand on the back legs yeah yeah that it's so there were two horses... One horse made like a two people suit.

Yeah. Like the reverse of a pantomime horse. Doesn't matter. According to Abbott, the race was scheduled to begin at 11 a.m. sharp when Mayor George B. McLennan Jr., son of Union Civil War General, planned to fire the starting pistol. A golden pistol. No.

Fancy. But he was late. A man with a golden gun. No. Oh, fancy. That's cool. But he was late. A man with a golden gun. Yes. He was late. Characteristically, apparently. Classic mayor shit.

The cars were stuck on the starting line with their engines revving. You know, they have to wind up the cars. So they're just sitting there going vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom. But no, the gun's sitting on a table. Why did they get in the cars? Well, yeah, they were like, weroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom. But no, the gun's sitting on a table. Why did they get in the cars? Well, yeah, they were like, we're meant to start at 11, so we'll get ready. Yeah, they probably need a while to warm up, I guess, don't they? But still, I'd be like, okay, mayor's here, let's warm up.

And a lot of them, you know, didn't speak English, I guess. So they were just sort of waiting. They're going, what? Looking at their pocket watches, being like, suck it in, blah. Yeah. So they're like, vroom, vroom, vum, vum, vum, vum. 14 minutes later, railroad financier Colgate Hoyt in the VIP section of the Crown went over, grabbed the golden gun off the table and shot it into the air, kicking it to the waist.

He's like, oh, shoot this gun. Which is fair enough. He's like, why are we waiting for some guy? But I'm also imagining he didn't sort of go, hey, guys, let's just get this started. You know, you've been waiting around. I like that he just walked over and went, bang. And everyone went, oh, yeah, okay. Fair enough.

He did shoot the golden gun. Shot the gun. Time to go. So what are we? We're an hour and a half in and the race has begun. Yeah. Yeah. Bang. The man with the golden gun has a, well, a different man, but he got it done.

A man who got a golden gun. There were so many people there. They're like, they're going to be blocked from driving. 250,000 people. People were crowding the streets. We're back to bowling rules again. We're getting a high score today. Can we get everyone to just assemble in a triangle kind of layout?

We're going for a perfect game. After the starting shot, the cars moved forward. Scafoglio, the Italian poet, wrote, Between two thick hedges of extended hands amidst a roar of a falling torrent. I mean, this is the kind of shit you get. Yeah. Scarfoglio then blew a kiss to the crowd and they were off. King shit. Yeah.

As it was the middle of winter, even horse-drawn sleighs were unlikely to travel in regional areas of america in that weather the roads for that reason were invisible they were just packed with snow when there was roads you couldn't see the roads uh strangely fencer writes american highways were much better in 1808 than they were in 1908 in the first decades of the 1800s on the eve of the railroad era, a good many commercial turnpikes and plank roads smoothed the way between cities because horse and carts was the big way of traveling. Smart, yeah. But by 1908, the railroad ruled city to city travel and all the roads had fallen into disrepair.

Yeah. Fuck roads. We've got trains. Yeah. Trains are much better. And that's in the summer when driving conditions are at their best. This is the opposite of that. What was the tyre situation like?

Oh, really good. Yeah, phenomenal. Phenomenal stuff. They had multiple choices of tread from- They figured out chains. Yeah, put a chain. They were making thin wheels, right? Yeah, and they were now using round wheels, which was good. They had just invented them.

The square wheels had started to go out of order. That's interesting. Well, they're getting back, I say. Clunk, clunk, clunk. Can I ask a silly question? Were the tyres full of air by this point? I'll be editing that out because I have no idea. Trains...

Don't talk... i don't i mean probably i have no idea they look like you know in the pictures they look like bike wheels basically so i imagine they were that little tubes in there. How's tube technology back then? Yeah, I don't know if it's tube or if it's just because sometimes you see the rubber around a wheel. Yeah. I would be equally unsurprised with either answer. For all I know, they were filled with feathers.

Warm. I'm a bit cold. Get under the wheel. Get under the wheels. Get under the wheels. That'll warm you right up. So, trains were how Americans got around and cars were really only play things for the rich, like I said before. For instance, in Poughkeepsie, is that how you say it? Poughkeepsie?

Poughkeepsie? Poughkeepsie. Poughkeepsie. They had a driving park, for instance, which is one of the towns they went through. And every town they went through, they pretty much got great ovations. Even though it was freezing cold, people would go out and be like, holy shit, look at this.

Look at them go by. Some of the towns they'd stop and they'd have it put on a feast. So they were like brutal through the day. But the ones who were up for it, all of them were Some of them were just Head in the game the whole time Working on the car overnight But some of them Especially the ones

Who didn't know how to drive And didn't understand cars Loved to go and socialise in the towns And just eat the feast And just be celebrities It is the journey Not the destination Yeah and

As I would definitely have entered this race You can also firmly put me in category B. Oh, yeah. Party boy. Yeah, big time feasts. Driving with a hangover every day would, I reckon, be the dream. Our German man, HK, definitely fell into that category. JD and HK.

Two Ps in the same pod. And his teammates who were doing all the work. Oh, yeah. Sort of. There you are. Yeah. They started to dislike him a bit because if they ever read an article, it said HK and team are travelling because he's the only one going to town to talk to everyone.

Yeah. They're just the ones doing the work. Yeah. But not doing the PR. And he's obviously not really mentioning them that much. It's all about networking. And they're not doing it. He's also being reported on as the driver,

even though he does not know how to do that. That's right. So they're loving it, his teammates. Who I'm now not mentioning very much. Joel, how did Matt go about picking your new favourite man? He has done well, but. You reckon Copen is going pretty well now? But we haven't heard what Goddard's up to.

That's so. Yeah. Look, I'm being reserved. I don't want to overplay my hand too early. I don't want to come on too strong. There's quite a few. There's a few characters involved. Yeah.

This one, like everyone's kind of got their own. Because in the first race, there's a couple of people you're just like, whatever. Congratulations to the prince that won. I don't remember you doing anything exciting except for that time where you went to a feast. That's funny. This time, everyone. Everyone's good. Everyone's a character.

Yeah, they're doing stuff, aren't they? Schuster, even, like, his main thing is just being good with car related things. Yeah. And his teammate, the driver, is famous for being a good driver. So that's almost boring.

Yeah. But, you know, and then everyone else is like, I don't know how to drive, what's a car? Yeah. Which is fun.

I've got a poet. Yeah, yeah. I've got a film crew. That's got to. Just push the button and turn the wheel two steps baby anyone can do it the other thing i don't i don't think i mentioned anywhere is obviously power steering is nowhere near oh yeah so the driving conditions are awful but they're feeling every

inch of it in the steering wheel and they're having to use genuine strength just to keep the car going straight have you ever driven without power steering? Yes. I learned in a car without power steering. It's amazing how many rotations of the wheel to turn left when you hit Alaska. How about you? Oh, yeah. My power steering stopped working one day.

Brutal. That's amazing. How does it just stop working? That's two problems because it means you would have had to turn heaves but also pay up yeah and all the the main problem not looking cool when you're reversing and turning with the the ball of your hand whatever that bit's called oh yeah like just like whacking a finger underneath the bars that connect the wheels to the central like the central turning point just like just flick it around. I had to grip the wheel and pull.

It didn't feel like turning. It felt like pulling a rope. Like I was trying to ring the bell at Notre Dame or something. Yeah. Important job. Actually, the bell at Notre Dame is called Big Ben. The fact I think I know is that all bells are called Big Ben. But if the bell's called Big Ben,

a name is bestowed upon the recipient, right? Yeah. So then the tower's called Big Ben too. Oh, honestly, it's just one of those tedious facts that tedious people say all the time. You know, like Frank Stein's monster and those sort of ones. Yeah. Well, now you know that the tower's called Big Ben too. I don't think anyone genuinely, like, they've all become, like,

a cliché joke to say it ironically now. A bit of a parody. I don't think anyone actually does those I'm Actually's that much. Well. I'm going to start. Actually, I think they do. You'll find that there are insufferable people in the world. I would love to tell you all how our man,ust ponds begins the race does he all is he

does okay uh he got off to a bad start so this is a man whose big theory is light cars ill-prepared ill-prepared not too powerful yep everything in moderation slow and steady wins the race he'd just come equipped but he didn't even do that, you know? No. Yeah. So, Gordon Offenster, soon after he started the race, he realized that something was very wrong. Not with his car.

So, you were wrong when you guessed that he forgot his car. He did bring his car. Nothing was wrong with his car, but something was wrong with the sun. It was on his right when it should have been on his left. Either it was an historic anomaly or he was heading south. Back to New York City. This is as the race has just started. He made it out of town.

He was following the other cars, but he lost track of them. And then all of a sudden found himself going the wrong way. And didn't remember Chuck and a Yui. Yeah found himself going the other way and didn't remember chuck and a ue yeah but luckily the sun was out that day it was overcast you know what though i wouldn't have even known it oh my god i found new york too do you know what i did that once i was driving out in the country and there was a road to my right it was like you know straight road with just a road to the right and i remember the road had a funny name like Sugar Gum Lane or something. I was like, oh, cute.

And then an hour later, I'm like, why can't I find this place? And all of a sudden Sugar Gum Lane was on my left. And I was like, no, I've done a loop, gone all the way around this suburb and come to the other side of Sugar Gum Lane. Yeah, if you've got a gentle bend. Be careful. Then that's, yeah, that's a diabolical design. I didn't even know it had done it. Like, and I'd gone around the entire suburb. That is a very gentle bend. careful then that that's yeah that's a diabolical i didn't even know it had done it like and i'd gone around that is a very gentle bend that's impressive so look i don't

know how this guy all of a sudden found the sun on the other side because sugar gun lane was a shock to me yeah yeah he did a u-turn that he didn't notice did a three-point turn but he just blanked it you know when you're doing a long drive and you're like oh fuck did i just do a three-point turn, but he just blanked it. You know when you're doing a long drive and you're like, oh, fuck. Did I just do a three-pointer? Yeah, yeah. Did I just fang a Yui? That's weird. That's odd.

So, obviously, he was off to a bad start. But anyway. Did he ride himself? Yeah, he rode himself, got going in the right direction. But before long, the engine died and poor old Pons had to drop out of the race. What? On the first day. Got the car fixed, tried to keep going,

but by the end of the race, he was out for good. Didn't even get out of the state of New York. Wow. That is impressive. He got lost in New York. The state of New York. I think New York, you know, there's a lot of rural areas there. You're right.

That's much more impressive. And it's very snowy. Yeah. He got out of New York City, just not New York. I mean, I'm giving him shit, but he's driving an ill-prepared car without a roof or a windshield. So he should have been able to see the sun the whole time. Oh, good point. At one stage, he should have been like, hmm, I'm driving into the sun.

I'm going toward it. Yeah, he did a grease ending. And that was when he realised, hang on. I shouldn't be driving into the sun. I think I might have died. Is that what the movie is? Did they die? Yeah, everyone dies.

It was all a dream. Yeah. She goes back to Australia in the sky. Yeah, that's how you get to Australia. The big Australia in the sky. Yeah, the big Australia in the sky. That's heaven. That's part of the proof that Australia doesn't exist.

So, of the five remaining cars, there's the French de Dion, the Italian Zust, and the American Thomas Flyer. They're all doing the best. They're sort of sticking together relatively. And then further back, we've got the German Protos and Goddard's Motoblock battling back at the rear. I mean, they're just already just spending more time digging snow than driving. They're going so slowly and they're just like stopping, digging, then driving a bit, then stopping, digging, driving.

It's just like an absolute fucking nightmare. Sounds shit. Yeah. They'd be ripped though. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Whenever I go somewhere where there's lots of stairs, I'm like, okay, this will be torture, but my bum's going to look amazing when I finally make it up there.

Well, that's the good thing about the new Stupid Ol' Studios. There's more stairs than the old one. So, I didn't think of that positive. Thank God. You're going to be tush pushing. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You're going to be caked up.

God. You're going to be tush pushing. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You're going to be caked up. Check out these Georgia peaches. I don't know. Please no one look at my butt.

Don't comment on these Georgia peaches. Don't think. So, yeah, they're plowing through snow a foot deep or higher in parts. They're using planks of wood to help gain traction. The Thomas Flyer was leading by a little bit, but that turned out to be a bit of a curse because they're also the ones out in front trying to figure out where the road is for starters. They're also the ones digging the most snow.

Just copping it first. Yeah. Just, yeah, going like, where is the road is for starters they're also the ones digging the most snow just copying it first yeah just you're going like where is the road i mean they are the locals they're from america in their team uh there's a guy who kind of knows this area a bit monty's driven around this area a bit so there's a bit of an advantage there schuster the mechanic, who knows his chassis, walked in front of the car, poking through the snow with a stick. So you know cars, mate. Here's a stick. You jump out in front. Can you poke that snow for a bit?

See if you can find road. It's like macheting the jungle as the rest of your crew walks through. Poking the snow. It's funny to me, like, hey, you know cars. Can you just go stand in front of the car? I'm like, well, I do know cars, and that's like the you know cars can you just go stand in front of the car? I'm like well my limited I do know cars and that's like the one place you're not meant to stand in front of. Yeah especially when

it's going forward. It's like opposite of horses. Yeah. I reckon surely I would imagine between them they've got at least three brain cells. There are methods of plowing whilst using the car. Why not just use those? Whoever if a plow company had ended the race, they'd be fucking killing it.

They'd be doing all right. Yeah. Although the other cars would just be just getting in that slipstream. And then just at the finish line, just overtake them. The plough would hit the ice. Imagine doing this in a barina. Honestly, it would probably be better. Yeah.

Barinas have heating. And a roof. And a roof. And a windshield. And they're zippy. Imagine doing this in a barina Honestly it would probably be better Yeah Brings some heating And a roof And a roof And a windshield And they're zippy Oh they're very zippy And you look cool And a pretty good fuel economy

Yeah This episode brought to you by The Holden Barina A defunct car Oh we miss it Bring it back Defunky car more like Something I should also mention is

That after the debacle with fuel in the last race uh the paper lametta organizes fuel deposits along the race for all drivers so you don't have to source your own fuel like you did in the last race yeah they didn't have that um that option last time that last time. How did they do that? Yeah, because they would have had to drive there. Yeah, no, it's interesting. I think they dropped it off at little general stores and stuff along the way. Oh, they probably could have used a train.

Yeah, that's true. Train was king back in 1908. I was going to say camels, but it went out in the desert this time, so probably polar bears. Snow camels? Which is what I call polar bears. Snow camels. Some sort of working dog. Huskies. Dog sleds. Dog with job. Snow camels. Which is what I call polar bears. Snow camels. Some sort of working dog. Huskies. Dog sleds.

Dog with job. Dog with job. No dog unions. What's that about? Sad. So like I said before, I'm going to sort of jump through a lot of the horror, which is just a lot of digging snow. Yeah.

Sounds awful. Honestly, couldn't blame you enough. That sounds like how you would have a nightmare. That sounds like a form of torture. Preparing themselves for something that's going to happen in a couple of years. They're getting very good at digging trenches. Oh, true. Goddard within, you know, not too long was 70 odd miles behind the leaders in the Thomas Flyer.

He landed in a ditch that was hidden by snow. So he didn't have a guy with a stick out the front checking for depth and he just like – it's like a booby trap. The snow was covering it. He drove and just into a ditch and fucked up his car. He held himself. He and his team were left till 1 a.m. digging it out that night, so all day into the night.

And because the car was deep in there, they struggled to get to their supplies. All they could find for sustenance were two bottles of champagne that were earmarked to be drank at the finish line to celebrate. Oh, no. But they're like, well, this is all we have. And they drunk the bottles of wine. For sustenance. Well, that's right.

I mean, I might be. Oh, I absolutely would have pulled that excuse. Yeah. Yeah. Something in the belly. Yeah. Grapes. It's a fruit. Yeah. Lying your belly. Yeah. Grapes, it's a fruit.

Yeah. Lying your stomach with champagne. Yeah, you're right. So the trio drank them for dinner. They got better at digging. Finally, the next day they got to the hotel they were meant to get to, which for the most part, certainly through America, they were stopping at hotels most nights.

Okay. That is so funny that they haven't even cleared like the hotel zones. Yeah. And it's going to get so much worse. Yeah, I reckon. And then slightly better. Yeah. But then worse again.

Yeah. Yeah, because you're in Paris. Unless you're one of the ones who's then home. Yeah. And you just get to drive straight to your house, have a shower, hit the sack. Sorry, hit the sack. The leading team spent more time digging snow than driving. And the teams at the rear also.

All of the teams spent more time digging snow than driving. Many times only to heartbreakingly find that they'd taken a wrong turn and were digging in the wrong direction. Jesus. One day they spent 10 hours digging in the wrong direction only to have to dig back because it was still snowing. Oh, my God. Just like there's so many times I'm like, and they kept going.

Next hotel, I'm calling it a day. I'm moving into that hotel. Why not? Why not just reverse the car? Yeah. What do you mean? Well, the stuff coming out of the car is hot. It'll melt the snow.

Just reverse the car. Back it up the whole way through the snow. The smog is going to eat that snow. The snow doesn't know what smog is yet, so the snow is going to be extra. Oh, yeah, standoffish. Yeah. We don't know about pollution. Not like modern day snow.

Yeah, very resilient. It just changes colour and says, yeah. Like a monkey in one of those towns. Just like that. I guess it's technically still wild, but he knows how to, you know, open a purse. And smoke cigarettes. Yeah. Yeah, it's got a real taste for chips.

They don't occur naturally in the wilderness. How'd they get a taste for them? Monkeys can navigate plastic and several kinds of foils now. But do you reckon that would have worked? I don't know. Maybe. Blast and smog at the snow. Depends how deep the snow is.

Because what might happen is it melts the snow and then the snow on the side just fills the hole that you've just melted. because you're also making the sides hot yeah yeah this race was not a clever no this is a terrible race great yeah i mean i'm glad they did it it's fun to talk about yeah it's sick uh cordner abb, the driver's settled into a routine, rising at 5 a.m. and driving till 8 p.m., with the mechanics tinkering with their cars until midnight to repair cracks in the chassis and drain the radiators to keep them from freezing.

So they're working on the car until midnight, going to bed, getting up at 5, start again. Yeah. That's not good or sustainable. To meet their hungover teammate who'd just been at a feast. Catch up with your old pal Joel Dusha. Absolutely not. The catch up with Dusha part of it.

Sensible, you've made the right decision there. They stopped at hardware stores to fill up on gasoline, one bucket full at a time. Bucket. The cars all had multiple gas tanks, and they were all separate to sort of avoid one of them. Like a cow's stomach. Yeah.

Because if one cow's stomach leaks, the cow loses all the fuel. And then they just stop going there. You know, whenever you see one of those cows that just stopped in a paddock. They tip over. Yeah, they've had a fuel leak. Yeah. Been there, cow. I don't know what a fuel leak is for a human, but I don't want to get into it.

The teams forged a tense agreement that they would alternate leadership every five hours, but this spirit of cooperation quickly dissolved as they began to distrust each other, fearing that their opponents would sneak off in the middle of the night. Oh, you're leading. What's to say you won't get up early? And yeah, some of them, they really started to go, did you get up early to drive further? What's going on here? And they were sounding really paranoid.

St. Chaffray, who's one of the racers, but also kind of the boss of the race, the guy came up with the race, was feeling a bit comfortable in his position and was barking orders to the other teams, telling them that they needed his permission if they wanted to go into the cities for supplies and stuff. After being told that, Monty Roberts didn't like it. He didn't like the chute of St. Chaffray and said, from now on, you will know this is a race. That was his sort of polite threat.

That is a huge, huge statement. I assume he pulled off his racing glove and slapped him on the cheek. It all sounds super draining and tense. One thing that would have cheered him up were these local towns and these celebratory dinners for the ones who had any time to attend them but not all of them appreciated it including surprisingly the italian poet scarfolio i would have been like this poet man he'd love a feast oh yeah but i mean that's very reductive of me oh yeah you're a poet you love face someone who sees a beauty in life will see beauty in this. Oh, they all love feasts. Every poet I've ever met, they love a feast.

Maybe it was one of those poets, you know, like depressing ones. Yeah, he's like, there's actually no beauty in the world. I just write. It's, you know, it's a living. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cass, you were so right. This guy, he was a downer. He did not enjoy his time.

And I think less than feasts as an idea he Didn't like Americans as a whole all Right I brace myself for you to say Living rather than living yeah so he Wrote this so that a lot of them are Keeping journals so we've got a lot of Translated of course but he wrote I do Not like the Americans as a whole just As I do not like the cheesemonger

whom a prize in a lottery or a sudden rise in the price of potatoes has made wealthy. There is still too much of the herdsmen about them. It's kind of weirdly put, but I think he's sort of saying they're like their new money, you know, someone who made a lot of money from luck or from business. Not like me, a man who's got generational wealth. These uncouth Americans.

These Americans, they earned their money and my daddy gave it to me. I'm allowed to write and writing has not become cooler at all in recent years. When I could be centuries off, when was the Boston Tea Party? When did America throw all the tea in the sea? Because if that was in like 100 years, could be why they distrust America. You didn't want to be part of the queen and the king.

But this is an Italian guy. That's true. Is that relevant? It's 1773, the Boston Tea Party. Yeah, that's also probably way too early. But this is an Italian guy. That's true. Is that relevant? 1773, the Boston Tea Party. Yeah, that's also probably way too early. It's also bricks. It wasn't just loose tea.

It was bricks of tea. Okay. I'm like, what's the protest here? We're throwing bricks into the sea. I'm thinking tea bags. I've always imagined tea bags. No, bricks of compressed tea. Wow.

And so I guess the tea would have gone like a brownie colour. So here's what I was asking the other day because I was talking about all that tea that went in the sea. If you have, okay, we've got a cup of tea right now. Yep. Big cup of tea. I drink a gulp of the tea and then I top it up with hot water. Still tea? Yeah.

How many more times do I do that until it's not tea or or is it always still gonna have a little bit of tea in there yeah is this like that guy on his ship no because the ship every single spot was replaced yeah this is more like sourdough yeah yeah how much is still mum's dough or whatever mother's yeast what's it called the mother the super mum the super nanny yeah i think it's just increasingly weak tea yeah so i my argument was it's increasingly weak tea which means the ocean is a big cup of tea but the in that if that's the that also means that the the sea is still dead bodies and piss and i also agree with that yeah okay you're right It's more of a soup. It's a soup.

It's a fucked up minestrone. But do you think of a pool with a dead body in it as a dead body? It's still a pool, right? I guess. Whereas a cup of tea is a cup of tea. You can drain a pool. Cass is through. Can't drain the ocean. Yeah.

It's where we're going for two hours. I love where the, oh, yes. No, no, that's true. You can't drain the ocean. Well played. So it is just a big cup of tea. Maybe it's one of those fancy cups of tea where they also infuse spices, but the spices are piss shit and dead bodies.

Yeah. What about this? There must be a point, right? Because, you know you know non-alcoholic beers yeah they do have some percentage of alcohol yeah because i have to remove the alcohol from it and even like orange juice has some apparently has some percentage of alcohol well anything fermented that's the process it's like this small amount but legally it's not alcoholic but it's there is some so maybe there is a point when tea legally is tea free.

Alcohol rules, I see. Interesting. Yeah, alcohol does rule. Alcohol rules. Yeah, we're a pro-drinking podcast. Pro-feast, pro-alcohol. Look, I'm pro-choice. If people don't want to drink, that's fine as well.

Yeah, You're allowed Dooja's making everyone drink Yeah that's He's that annoying guy At the party Uh you know cool We're doing beer bongs You actually 100%

Are that guy I'm sure No No no no You were born in 2004 Or whatever Yeah 2006 2006 so

Yeah I'm youthful But I do look a little bit older. Gen Z, they're way more responsible with alcohol. They're not drinking as much. The kids of today. You know what I mean? They don't even drink anymore. And smuggle and drink.

You've seen the health issues. Okay. And they're lazy too. Yeah, lazy. Never writing off days with hangovers But I do think it's good and right to generalise huge groups of people Agreed Back to these pesky Americans

So leaving Leaving Leaving Dave Are we out of America yet? I miss Dave Leaving This episode would have been finished if it were here Leaving. Leaving. Are we out of America yet? I miss Dave. Leaving.

This episode would have been finished if it were you. Oh, no doubt. But I think I'm only telling this little part of the story because, you know, it was a little hardship they hit. But also the town name is so good. Leaving the town of Shenickety, they realized the road was impassable. So a bridge needed to be built over a ravine to give them an alternative route out of town. They didn't construct a bridge. And Triple H apparently was like, sick. Easy.

He had to knock down, like he had to fell a part of a forest to make way, then collect stones to build the foundation, timber bridge. Jesus. And then they were into like an orchard or a paddock on the other side and that was meant to be one of the locals said, yeah, there should be a route out this way. Build a bridge, cross the bridge, the three leading cars, realise, no, that is also a dead end. Yes.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So, does that mean they have to build a second bridge? Yes. Yes. So, they come back and then they're stranded for a while and another local goes, no, there's a towpath down here and that should give you a pretty decent run for a while.

It's a towpath. I guess it was just as a path that maybe. You could go on your tippy toes. I imagine that farmers towed. Tow. Stuff. I was thinking like you have to sort of put your feet out of the car and Flintstones it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's the sound it made. Yeah, that is the sound it made. Yeah. So, they're like, oh, that sounds like a good idea. Where is it? Oh, we're going to have to build a bridge to get to that. So, I had to build another bridge. Triple H is like, this is my lucky day.

He's just like bad-assing his way around. He's like, great. Things to do, loving this. Apparently, he just loved hard work. Oh, my God. See, no. I hate it. He lived in Siberia.

Did I mention that before? Yeah, you did, yeah. He's the one- does he speak many languages? Yes. Yeah. We're taking his word for it. Yeah, definitely Chinese, definitely Spanish. No one can prove otherwise.

So, yeah, so they build a second bridge and they're on the road again. Yep. Really not making any great gains in terms of distance But they're rolling Yeah As they headed west, eventually the weather started warming Which would seem like good news But it just led to melting snow and mud

So it's just like now they're driving through sludge Oh god And they're just sliding as the sludge is moving side to side. They're just sloshing around. Yeah, exactly. It's just Goo City. Yeah, when they're not getting bogged, they're slipping and they're sliding. Goo City.

In the Goo. Oh, welcome to Goo City. Population you. Population Goo. On Feb 25, Goddard and the Motoblock team stopped for the night in an Indiana village. And they parked their car inside this, like, a barn or something. And when they returned to the car in the morning, they found that everything but the car had been stolen. Cameras, guns, films.

So, I think all the film footage was lost um even all their changes of clothes were taken so they had they had nothing left apart from the clothes on their back and the car and he so he wrote all that in his journal that night, like, shit. Yeah. I think we've fucked it. Yeah. So you remember how lucky he was in the Peking to Paris race? Yeah. Nothing but bad luck. They didn't steal the car. I think that's pretty lucky.

Yeah, that's true. So he could drive home. I think it's because people didn't, not many people knew how to drive cars. Yeah. Probably didn't see much value in them. Yeah, they're just like yeah rich people this is a joke apparently um fenster wrote that regional uh americans some of them just hated cars they're like loud and disruptive yeah and they didn't trust them and stuff scary horses so

they they would like sabotage ones not necessarily in this race but uh in general they would sabotage cars when they see some farmers apparently would shoot them from a distance that's so weird awful though like to have your nice peaceful peaceful farm everything going lovely the most noisy vehicle makes is yeah and then all of a sudden you've got a big. That's a relaxing sound. And it's so nice. That was a good horse. You know what? Thank you.

You know, those times where you hear someone with no muffler. Oh, yeah. And it's just too loud and it just like rattles your brain a little bit. That would have been every car. Yeah. And it would have been cutting over not the sound of a hundred other cars. Yeah. They would have all been getting canaries from there back then.

The unroadworthy stickers. Big time. That's not street legal, mate. Too loud. They're too loud, they might. Too low, too loud. So much like the Peking to Paris race, locals played a big part in moving these cars along with help of horses and mules and whatnot. The American team were first to utilize horses, getting locals, and locals were happy to help the Americans.

Yeah. And the Europeans, some of them made an official complaint about it, which they basically reneged on or took back a couple of days later when they started using horses as well. They're like, actually, yeah, I see that this is a good idea. We're not moving otherwise. So the locals were often quick to help for free the American team. They would charge exuberant prices to the Euro teams for the same service. They're like, we'll help you, but we're going to make a little cash out of this if they'll help them at all.

Because, you know, they were sort of, some of them were like, oh, our patriotic duty is to help our fellow Americans. The American team. Goddard's bad luck continued in the following days. Fuck. As the cops couldn't help him find his stuff. He's like talking to cops and he, know he only knows the word sure so i don't know how he really i communicated it but apparently he was like they're looking at me like i've done something wrong he's sort of yelling at them

in french i guess but and they're and all of a sudden i'm the criminal? But then the next time he saw a cop, it was bad news because he'd agreed to pay a farmer, Calvin Fisher, $3 per mile to have horses drag his car along. This was about $3 per mile more than Fisher had earlier charged the Americans for the same service. $3 back then, that's a fair bit per mile. Yeah, per mile. Yeah, totally.

And apart from overcharging him, he also just went, I'll go get the horses and just never came back, leaving Goddard to wait. And just basically as a con. Yeah. The con man got conned. Yeah, so Goddard ended up being like, all right, I'm going to have to find someone else.

He found another farmer who did the service for him. Yeah. Then when he got to the next town, he got stopped by a cop. He might have thought, oh, have they found my stuff? But no, the farmer Fisher dobbed him in for welching on the deal. He says, he owes me 21 bucks. We agreed that I was going to take him 7 miles Which was the con I think He didn't have to do the work And he got the money

But he was going to try and get the money What? You know welching on a deal was illegal Oh man we found some wild things were illegal In an episode set in England Not that later than this Someone went to jail for lying to a landlord What was the fib?

That they were married. This couple staying there were married. They weren't married. They weren't married at all. The landlady was pissed. How dare they? You know, when someone lies to you, straight to the cops. Yeah.

They'll settle this. This will amend the scene you've done. Because the guy didn't do the job. He didn't do the job, yeah. And he didn't get his money, but he didn't do the job. Goddard protested and the cop said something like, hey, it's not my job to settle disputes. My job is to arrest you.

I think it kind of is your job. Okay. He's like, we'll let the courts decide. What leg do you have to stand on that you didn't do anything for him and you go into the cops like, hey, I didn't do anything for this guy and he didn't give me any money. But we agree. And I did nothing.

I went and got the horses eventually. I was going to calm this guy and he left. Oh, I certainly shouldn't have said. Please ignore that part, officer. The officer's like, wait, you're in that big race. Yeah, but you're not American. big race yeah but you're not american so yeah you're right yeah yeah jail the the next town was where the court was yeah so he called ahead to the cop called ahead to the next town going hey so i've got this guy and the luckily

the cop in the next town was a bit of a motor enthusiast he's like let him go send him up to me we'll sort it out um but in with making a little bit of a silly decision, Goddard just sped through the town. And the cop who was like, I think the cop saw that. He was sort of following. He's like, licking his lips going, my time to shine. On the horseback, galloped after him, stopped him. And then like he was rounding up sheep. Herded him back.

Herded him back to town. Maybe through a lasso. Yeah. So eventually Goddard, he had to come up with the cash to be able to leave. Oh my God. For nothing. He paid actually a little bit more because he had to pay for the extra time that the cop had to put in chasing him.

But nothing – that's bullshit. Yeah. Yeah. Well. Goddard is innocent. He got conned. Yeah, that's true. So it seems that he should be at the other end.

It's a bit of poetic justice, I suppose. We haven't left America yet. Oh, my God. No, I do get more speed as we go um hopefully the cars do too uh some of them do by dropping out in an attempt to garner more local support some of the so they're gone geez the locals seem to not be on our side we thought we're coming to do a great race what come on america come on hey why aren't we all in this together? This is for cars.

Go cars. So in an attempt to garner more local support, some of the Europeans sent a letter to the president of the Chicago Automobile Club writing, quote, we're discouraged. The peasants demand $3 per mile for helping us. I mean, that language already shows that they're- Oh, my God. I don't know why they're not supporting them.

Hey, peasants. These disgusting, poor, poor, poor people. Smelly people. No matter what we do, we throw dirt at them. They won't accept our own shit as payment. We kick them and nothing will work. Kicked by a royal and they are not even slightly motivated. Not one, thank you. The peasants demand

$3 per mile for helping us. They charge $5 each to permit us to sleep on the ground, which is brutal. Yeah, you can have that little bit of ground, but it's going to cost you. Peasants along the way, doubling down, love that, have filled up roads dug by leading

cars, with the leading car being the the american thomas car uh would it be possible to influence public opinion to aid us they're like can you get the word out to the locals that we're all right we're all right we're car people like you and but just remind them that they're peasants and we're above them and so like they owe us a certain level of respect we can can afford a car. It's just simple. It's maths. Yeah. Do they not know maths?

Oh, no. Do you not teach the person's maths? Can you explain the maths? How do you reckon? Do you reckon this would have worked? I think so. I think they went really positively. Yeah.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say no. No. Okay. Always a contrarian classic douche. Somebody's got to play devil's advocate. Yeah. But you are correct, douche. Their plea fell on deaf ears and the Chicago Automobile Club leaked the letter to the press.

Oh, my God. That's not a deaf ear. That is an evil ear. I never thought of it. Maybe the Tribune was like, hey, can you write an article to garner support? Maybe, but. Doesn't. Either way, it didn't work that way.

The Tribune wrote a derisive article quoting the letter with the headline, Foreigners Pathetic Appeal. That's incredible. That's a good headline. Losers keep losing. It sucks to suck. St. Croix. That's a good headline. Losers keep losing. Sucks to suck. I almost feel sorry for these fucking losers.

The body of article. Anyway, so they will accept $2 and be grateful. Yeah. I thought that was very funny. Cuff that off. Cuff that, you European swines. In late Feb, Hendrik Hansen, the swass-buckling Norwegian, triple H, quit his team.

The two alphas started butting heads. De Dion, the De Dion got stuck in the snow. And triple H, the Siberian, the guy who'd been to the North Pole, he was the Arctic expert he knew snow he knew how to extract automobiles unfortunately it even though he was working hard and working for a long time he couldn't do it this led French teammates since Chaffray make a few snide remarks this ended out escalating according toster, into an all-out screaming match on the verge of throwing punches until they agreed to settle the fight with a duel.

The only gentlemanly way to settle an argument. Ah, kill each other. No, no, no. Only the loser dies. Sorry. So, um... They couldn't even duel properly. Triple H is like, done.

I'll go get the guns. They're somewhere down there buried in the snow with a car. So he was heading for the pistols when St. Chafferet went, actually, you know what? You're fired. Coward. Didn't want to duel. Yeah, I knew he was going to lose.

He was bluffing. Not to duel with the army man. Yeah. This isn't the army man. This is the solo Viking ship. Oh, no, that's right. Yeah. HK is the army man, not Triple H.

But still, I think probably the smart call. Yeah. It's the outdoors man versus the guy whose uncle's rich and owns a car company. Just the idea like, oh, well, let's duel. I'll kill you. I'll really kill you. All right.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Hey, you're fired. No, no, no, no, no, no. Then in a classic move, Hanson gave it the old, you can't fire me. I quit. That's where this started. That trope.

Yeah, that's right. Soon after. Actually, wait. If you fire me, do I get like a, do I get a payout? What's the difference? Okay, yeah, you fire me. That's fine. My pride has a value.

Yeah. A few days later, the three lead cars, the Thomas Flyer had got there earlier, but the Zust and the De Dion were all now in Chicago. The Thomas Flyer was spending a few days there, but they were all attending this banquet when Hanson's like, anyway, got a little tale to tell here. And he said, I'm off the team. And everyone went gasping.

Scandalous. They gasped a lot more back in the day, didn't they? And he said, Saint-Chaffre said, you're the only one who's not French on the team. You're off the team. And Saint-Chaffre, he looked at Saint-Chaffre at the dining table and Saint-Chaffre nodded. He said, yeah, that's pretty much it. That's pretty much it, I pretty much it I guess which is weird but anyway

so he's announcing their breakup at a dinner table hey everyone ding ding ding ding ding just a little announcement we have decided to well I mean one of us more than the other has decided to part ways and we're fine

and we don't really want to talk about it but I suppose if you had questions I will answer them. Yeah that's totally right and then he's quoted as saying doesn't even matter because like I could go by foot over the Siberian route and beat the Dedeon car anyway.

I'd walk it better than the Dedeon. Okay I don't want to jump too far ahead but does he try that? No, this is one of the things that seems to be inconsistent. But the bloody Abbott article says that he joined the American team. Oh. But in the book, I don't remember it. There was no audio book version,

so I just had to read this entirely manually. I'm sorry. That's hard. And, you know, with my TikTok generation brain. Yeah. Can't take it in. I read it six seconds at a time. See, I'm not TikTok.

I'm actually Vine. Oh, wow. I miss Vine. It is a huge move though to get Fired by the losers and then join the winners Smart Good call The

Thomas Flyer led you know driven By Monty He was there going let's I just want To continue on on the race Yeah I'm loving this But the Thomas team and he was there with the the local chicago salesman he's like nah stay this is really good for business we're moving units come to another banquet tonight so he's staying for days he just wants to he's like repairs and

rest for a day or so and then go but they're like no no no and i think he ended up saying for like three days or something um meaning everyone everyone sort of caught up to him, and then the Italians sort of zoomed off ahead for a bit. Yeah. But anyway, so they're hitting the road again. According to Fenster, as of Feb 29, when Monty Roberts and Schuster crossed the Mississippi, they were already more than a week behind schedule

with little hope of arriving in Seattle by March 5, which was their goal and a crucial pivot point in the interest of reaching Alaska in decent weather and making it for that brief time when the ice was bridging between Alaska and Russia. Pretty crucial. Yeah. Russia. Pretty crucial. Yeah. 17 days had passed since they left Times Square in New York by this stage and they were driving for something like 12 hours each

day and the leading car, the Thomas at this stage, was averaging about 7 miles per hour. Speedy. So, it was mainly they were stopping and digging so much. Yeah, that's... Maybe they were driving 20 Ks or 20 miles per hour at times. But on average.

Yeah, because I think six or seven kilometers an hour is walking pace. Right. So it's faster than walking on average. It's about four is an average. Four? Four Ks an hour. So yeah, like triple walking speed. So running speed.

Light jog. Yeah. It running speed. Light jog? Yeah. It would be a light jog because- Yeah. That would just be a- No, it's a power walk. Seven miles an hour. Yeah.

Anyway, slow for a car. Fencer says, though, it was an excellent record given the roads and the weather. That's not a good sign. And the amount of time devoted to digging. At that rate, rate though the Thomas would Take a century to reach Paris Or so it would seem to the men inside And this is

This is the leading car And they're like fucking hell By the time they were in Iowa the American team's Travelling journalist T Walter Williams had had Enough of shoveling snow so he was He was kind of expected to help with a lot of the manual labour. He's like, I'm a tippity-tap on the typewriter.

I'm a thinker, you know. And according to Garrett, he left in a huff, calling the event insanity. Another reporter, George McAdam, replaced him in Seattle and travelled the rest of the way. McAdam sent back daily reports by telegraph, telephone, and carrier pigeon, which helps date it a little bit. When the flyer was due to arrive in Boone, Iowa, three kids, led by Willie Johnson, Another double dick.

Another double dick. Yeah! Oh my God. Borrowed their dad's car, put flags on it And wore thick winter clothes and goggles Pretending to be adults And drove into town to rapturous applause Everyone's just thinking that's the flyer And then the town's like

It looks a bit shitter than in the photos Oh they've come a long way And then they took off their outfits And went That's Willie Johnson and the boys. You know us. We're local town kids. And they were pissing themselves.

And apparently the townspeople were like, that is a pretty good one. That is pretty good. Another great prank from Willie Johnson and the boys. Those rascals. You little scamp. They're rascals, but they don't hurt anybody. It's been a good wholesome fun.

Yeah. It's just kids driving a car. They're not damaging anything. They got us good. They took out a few pedestrians on the way, but. Kids will be kids. Kids will be kids. Kids will be kids.

The American team made it into town soon, and they also got a very good response. I imagine everyone was like yeah they're like making willie stand in the crowd so they know it's definitely not him again apparently a few people took advantage for a bit of fun uh while the race was in town according to fenster when a pair of motorists were pulled over for speeding they told authorities that they were the french entrance in the New York to Paris race. We're just on our way to Seattle.

And for good measure, they complained about road conditions. Imagine they're doing their best French accent. Oh, this road condition. No good. It's how you say bad. But in this case and many others, the speeding charge was dropped

and the sheriff wished them well as they sped off again. And apparently this happened to a bunch of cops during these times. By the time they made it to Wyoming, they'd gained a decent lead on the field. The Americans, the Zust was back in Omaha, the De Dion in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. They were stuck there for a while for repairs. Apparently it was noted somewhere that St. Chaffray started eating puff rice, which had become, you know, was becoming popular and was being mass produced

in the recent years. He's like, oh, what is this? And I got on a tangent reading about it and the guy who industrialised puff rice, it had been around for centuries, but he'd made it, you know, a factory thing. He exhibited it at a world fair and called his machine the eighth wonder of the world,

the puff rice machine. A rice puffer. So good that is good around this time monty roberts uh leading the race was like ah actually i'm due to compete in the paris grand prix soon so i'm gonna head off and he handed driving duties uh over to another guy so he just people just started meeting him at the next town he's like we're going to switch over the only constant was uh schuster the mechanic the chassis expert so according to abbott elin matthewson the son of general agent for thomas cars in the midwest was to drive the flyer through wyoming to utah then professional driver harold brinker

would take command in ogden uh george schuster would finally get he wanted to drive and he would finally get his crack from alaska through siberia just the easy bit oh yeah you want to drive you want to you want to drive you want to fine you can drive drive Alaska to Siberia. Let's go. And then just to spit in his face a bit, when they got back to the European roads, Monty would get back in the saddle. Oh, delicious. Yeah. So it's like, yeah, he didn't love that idea. But anyway, that was the sort of plan.

It's like letting your sibling play the water level of Mario. Yeah, that's right. And he's been there the whole time. They're off rested and stuff. And the water level is brutal. That's underground. I can never think of the water one. Yeah, that is it.

In the meantime, Schuster continued to sacrifice himself for the journey when no one else would or could. Walking 10 miles in the dead of night to find gasoline and navigating the car out of gullies they couldn't avoid. So this happened to all the cars along the way. They had to dig themselves out of holes, basically. So it's like a shoveling contest at this stage. Just non-stop.

They're like, oop, we're in a hole again. They would have come back so ripped. Love the silver lining, glass half full attitude you have. Yeah. Tanks. Yeah, their minds would have been fucked, but physically never looked better. Yeah, peak of the shoulders and pecs. Abbott continues, by the time the Americans left Wyoming,

they were leading by two states. The Italians were starting across Nebraska from Omaha. St. Chaffray still in Iowa, awaiting for parts of the De Dion. While Lieutenant Copen, what are we calling him? HK. HK, yeah.

In the Protos and Charles Goddard in the Moto Blank were just entering Iowa. The Moto Block was having mechanical trouble. It was battling. It had just like stacked so many times that, you know, falling into holes and just like it had done bad damage. Yeah. It's like slapstick stuff happening to that gun. How many states would you fall behind before you quit?

One. Well, it's hard when I wouldn't start, but yeah. I reckon two. Because I'd be like, oh, one. I mean, if they got that far at once, then I could catch up at once. And if they got two, I'm like, okay, not a fluke. Yeah. Actually, I feel like I'm stubborn enough if I did start, I wouldn't quit.

I would have to be ruled out. Yeah, actually, there's a chance you could tortoise in the hair. Yeah, exactly. A couple of states. If they're in a different country, I reckon I'd probably bail. Yeah. If they made it across the ice, yeah, I'm out. Yeah.

I believe that that was the De Dion strategy. Like, they let the American and the Italian cars zoom off at times especially the Italian car would just zoom off at times even when it was kind of unsafe to do um and they were like we're just rabbit and herring it we're gonna take it so I think the American car to a similar degree but they were just a faster car yeah um so Goddard Batlin he's like the car is is dead now he's like i'm gonna have to get it fixed decided to send it on a train to a bigger city where he could get it fixed yep and then it would have it returned to iowa so he could continue the race but then he had a better idea why not just

send the car all the way to san Francisco, right to the West Coast? That's where we're going anyway. Cut out the middleman. Cheat? This was a blatant violation of the rules. Okay. Yeah. So, the plan was to do it and not be caught.

Yeah. Okay. Unfortunately, loading up the car on a train with his, you know, there's his name, I think, is on the side. Yeah, it's quite obvious. Louis Vuitton's on the back. They sponsored the luggage. So he apparently got reported in some of the presses

them thinking his name was Vuitton. So he's jumping on the train and this old school cameraman with his old school slow to set up camera is setting up as the train's been loaded. And Goddard spots him. And he's like trying his best to say no. And then an interpreter comes and starts translating. He's saying stuff like, no, no, the car's private right now.

Don't take a photo. The car's in private. No photos. It's getting changed. The cameraman's just ignoring him him saying stuff like yeah things are going well here we go setting up the camera it sounded like kind of kind of nutty but yeah he's yeah he's yelling and and uh one of his teammates grabs a pickaxe and he's threatening to smash the camera and the cameraman's just unflappable then all of a sudden these railway workers these locals

came and started standing behind the cameraman going you keep you keep setting up the camera it's fine don't don't worry we got your back so they were outnumbered the god on his team and they ended up having a back down they ran over tried to start putting a tarp on the camera still so being set up they're trying to cover the car with a tarp. Do comedy stuff. And then they heard a flash. Yeah. The photo was taken.

He's like, we're done. We're done. And they were out of the race. I guess it's true that luck can run out. Yeah. The lucky streak was officially over. Yeah. It wasn't even just like over. It's like an incredible lucky streak followed by nothing but bad luck.

Yeah, that's off a cliff face. Nightmare stuff the whole way through. And he couldn't, like he cheated in ways that worked. Yeah. Like he bent the rules quite a bit, I think, in the last race. I don't think he ever quite, did he get this blatant? I can't remember, but. He was cheeky before.

Now he's just full on cheeky. Yeah. Cheeky. According to Abbott, he received a cable from the owners of his car. Quote, quit race, sell car, come home. Motoblock was finished, leaving only four cars. So, I mean, it was kind of his car, but his financiers were like, we're cutting our loss here, mate.

Yeah. Yeah. It was funny, the poet. So, that was how cables normally went. It cost per word. And apparently, the poet at one point to the marvel of, maybe it was Cedar Rapids. There was one town. He was like, this is a great town.

He had a really good mood. Oh. And he sent a cable that was hundreds of words long. It cost like a hundred bucks in those days money. Jesus. And everyone was like, what the fuck is going on? I've never seen a telegram that goes on this thing. He's just still talking.

I couldn't believe it. Wow. And he's going every third word's peasants. The peasants are looking at me. Why don't you just post a letter? Yeah, pigeons. Pigeons. Grab a pigeon.

Get yourself a pigeon. Oh, they'd be too bogged down with a letter that long. Yeah. Pigeons. Grab a pigeon. Get yourself a pigeon. They'd be too bogged down with a letter that long. Yeah. A pigeon can't take off. Sorry, we have a weight limit. It takes off, but then the bottom of the scroll is just scraping along the American desert. So, Harold Brinker is now behind the wheel of the Thomas Flyer from Utah to Nevada. And around the border of Death valley arriving in san francisco the

third week of march 900 miles ahead of his closest competitor the zoost so they're they're a long long way ahead now i'm saying san francisco in full because i just saw a comment on a one of our really old episodes where a local san francisc like, you pronounce a lot of local things right, but you lost local San Franciscans when you said San Fran. So, I'm not, I don't know, but they don't like San Fran. Okay. Which is weird. So, what a gift you've got in your name there. What about Cisco?

Yeah. Cisco? The Siskins? Cisco Kid? Sisk. The song song? Down to the Sisk. Yeah.

San Sisk. Yeah. Have you tried that? i think that's our natural instinct yeah the australian english is very like compress it crush it why would you say san francisco but i think i sort of get i try not to care and i genuinely i'm like i don't it doesn't worry me and i'd certainly you know when people like it's melbourne not melbourne i don't care about i love it when an american say melbourne it makes my ears feel ticklish it are like, it's Melbourne, not Melbourne. I don't care about that. I love it when Americans say Melbourne. It makes my ears feel ticklish.

It's like, ooh, that's not right. But the one that makes me feel a bit weird is when Americans call Australia Aussie. Yeah, we're heading over to Aussie. So weird. I mean, it doesn't worry me. It just feels funny. But I've never seen an Australian call us Aussies like O-Z-Z-I-E. We don't do that.

But I've seen like listicles of people talking about things I've noticed in Australia and calling us Aussies. Yeah. I guess that makes sense, right? It was A-U, isn't it? It's A-U. A-U-S-S-I-E. That's Aussie. Yeah.

Yeah, but I think why maybe Americans say Aussie, because they read, they would read, because I think Americans would spell that with a Z, and that's why they write it as a Z. So it makes sense. We're not so different, but I love these cultural differences. It's beautiful. They're much better at spelling things phonetically over there than we are.

I think I prefer. Because we get a lot of our shit from England, right, who don't know how to spell things phonetically no what's the sheer and stuff yeah yeah i think i prefer americans saying melbourne rather than melbourne just sounds wrong in their accent it is it is very nice when they put in the effort but then it's like if it's their accent is so different yeah yeah it's so noticeable it's so like you said the word wrong and then if they nail it, you're like, that's scary too. Just say Melbourne. If people can nail a Melbourne accent, it's scary, right?

Yeah. If you see someone, like I know someone who's British and if they pronounce Australian words correctly, I'm like, how did you do that? You're not meant to be able to do that. Witchcraft. I'm allowed to do your one. You can't do mine.

I'm allowed to do your one, governor. I'm allowed to do your one You can't do mine I'm allowed to do your one Guvda I'm allowed to do your one Gorgeous We've just lately Started loving Saying gorgeous In an English accent Gorgeous

Only I can say it What do you say Matt sounds creepy When he does it You're all gorgeous Gross Well I thought the point of it Was to be gross

You sound like a pirate Jess you do it I was doing it on an episode We did recently Where I was just going What was it? Hello, gorgeous. Hello, gorgeous.

You're right there, gorgeous. Really different vibes coming from two of you. He's creepy. Oh, no. It's how a pirate would say it to a captive maiden. You are gorgeous. Walk the plank of me gorgeous. So, yeah, Harold Brinker is now behind the wheel of the flyer.

We got Zust ages behind, and they're, you know, the next in line. According to Garrett, after San Francisco, the task of driving the flyer fell to Schuster. Finally gets his go. finally gets his go the the figure of schuster was so unheralded that the times the official newspaper of the race uh if they ever mentioned him they misspelled his name in every way possible um but his mechanical acumen kept the car running through blizzards sub-zero temperatures and sandstorms at At each overnight stop, he returned to the flyer and repaired fresh damage. The flyer had no heater and no top, not even a windshield as discussed before. He was actually just super skilled.

Yeah. Yeah, he's a genuine badass. The record of the Thomas car from New York to San Francisco was a remarkable feat, the New York Times said at the time. Many skeptics declared when the New York to Paris races started out from New York to San Francisco was a remarkable feat, the New York Times said at the time. Many skeptics declared when the New York to Paris races started out from New York in the dead of winter, none of them would get across to Wyoming until summer. Some of them would not reach Chicago

and a few that they could not even leave the state of New York. And that was true for one of them. One of them, they knocked that out of the park. But they were like, this is impossible. It's still of New York. And that was true for one of them. One of them, they knocked that out of the park. But they were like, this is impossible. It's still in New York. So, yeah, they're going, it can't be done. Not in the wintertime. So, they were just like, holy shit, even just to make it here,

which is not even really halfway of the race or anything. Just to get nominated, you know. The Americans then prepared to ship the flyer on a freighter to Seattle. After a two-day trip there, it would be transferred to a cargo ship headed to Valdez in Alaska. Brinker begged Schuster to let him continue driving with the team. Even as an assistant, he's like, just let me come along. This is so much fun. But Schuster's like, no, this is my time to shine.

Fuck off. Oh yeah. Abbott continues. On Wednesday, April 8th, the flyer touched alaskan soil the welcoming committee consisted of the entire population of valdez few of whom had ever seen a car schuster wasted no time investigating the valdez fairbanks trail this is how they were going to move on try to make it over to the bloody strait to get across to Russia. And within a day, it's like the only way we can get through Alaska even

would be to fully dismantle the car and put it on the back of a dog sled. He let the Parisian race committee know this and they abandoned the idea of Alaska and the Bering Strait crossing. They didn't even make it to try the Bering Strait to see if they could. The whole reason for them doing it in winter and having to shovel all this snow was to get to

They didn't even get to the strait to test the wild theory that they could drive across. I'd just like to say, cowards. Yeah, agreed. Doing a dog's job. So, I mean, 114 years have passed since. Has anyone been able to cross the Bering Strait?

According to the ABC News, for just a few weeks each year, the 56-mile channel fills with enough ice to make a passage feasible, but the ever-shifting flows and the dangers of being crushed between giant icebergs or slipping into the freezing waters have so far defeated every attempt to make the crossing. So it hasn't happened. So people have given it a crack and died? I guess so.

I know I did see one guy- Sucks to suck. Sucks to suck. I believe one guy has finally made it across in a land vehicle, but that was like a Toyota Land Cruiser converted into a boat. So it floated across. So I think technically he got through that loophole. It is a car.

It's got land in the name. So what did they do? So they got to Alaska and they were like, oh, no, actually, plan's fucked. Well, yeah, the committee, including St. Chaffray, who's still in the race, they're like, oh, we've got to figure out a new route. The new plan. So, well, firstly, the committee told the American team to head back to Seattle.

So they've cost themselves a lot of time. Oh, my God. The protest was in trouble back in Ogden, Utah, when Copen received word that the new plan was for the cars to sail from Seattle straight over to Vladivostok. I think in the end they went via Japan, doesn't matter, and then drive to Paris from there. This news wasn't good for Copen and the Protos team with HK,

Copen, riding. The situation was almost impossible. We're not ready. I could only keep from completely falling out of the race, but it was impossible without catching the train. So he contacted St. Chaffray with his predicament. Chaffray has been in contact with him about the New Year's, and I think he maybe feels a bit silly, Chaffray,

about this whole plan coming. And he's like, the only way I can make it is by catching the train to the coast and then starting again with you all. Yeah. He's like, but the New York Times is seeming to say that that's against the rules. And Chafrae apparently wrote back, I'm the leader of this race. I was appointed by La Mata.

What the New York Times says is nonsense. Let your car come by railroad. So he was given permission and he did. He chucked his car on the train and they all met in Seattle. So he didn't see anything la meta with that. That's right. Fucking hell, Cass. Fucking hell.

This deep into an episode. She's still singing. Nearly three hours in. She's good. Meaning that while the Americans were still heading back from Alaska, the rest of the field arrived in Seattle and set sail for Russia. So now the American team went from well in front to behind. Yeah, second boat.

They slipped further behind as they struggled to organise their Russian visas. Why didn't they do that before? Yeah, that seems like an oversight. They literally were having a car ride for months and they didn't think to- Nobody could jump online and sort that out? Phone ahead. Or I wonder if the rotating drivers, if they ever knew who would be driving at the time. Alternatively, did they think that because they were driving a fucked way that no one

would stop them and therefore didn't need a visa? Oh, very good point. They were never- Yeah, they weren't getting on a boat and having to go through customs. No, they were just going across ice. They just drove in. Yeah, very good point.

Did you come by boat? No. I've been here this whole time. According to Abbott, the Italian and French teams were forging across Japan when the race committee made another decision. You can't keep doing that. Oh, they can.

No, this was, they're like, this does seem unfair. So in recognition of the time the Flyer lost detouring through Alaska, going the way they were told to go, the American team was given an allowance of 15 days, which meant essentially that the Zouste and the De Dion could beat the Flyer into Paris by two weeks and still lose. So the time got subtracted from their time at the end of the race. That's so funny because like you win the race and you just feel nothing because you haven't actually won the race.

You have to wait two weeks to see if they cross it. This committee should committee to a solid set of rules, I reckon. I mean, they don't call it the greatest race of all time for nothing. It's the greatest organized race, greatest executed race. Everything is spot on. The protest was also penalized 15 days for taking the train across Western States. They asked for permission. You said, yeah, no worries, but you'll be penalized.

Yeah, which I think is probably reasonable, obviously. So if they win, they're going to wait a month to find out if they won. Your man Goddard, he was disqualified for doing the same thing, but he didn't seek permission. They were given permission, but they're like, I mean, if they were told you can get on the train, but we're going to sub you 15 weeks, they would have been like, good deal, because we won't.

We'll have to leave the race. Oh, yeah, 15 weeks would have been a bad deal, but 15 days, though, very, very reasonable. Do you know what I reckon? I was saying how long I thought this episode would be going for. I would say, knowing God on us, I do as we all do, if they said, hey, if you ask permission, we'll only give you a 15-day penalty, he would have been like risking it.

Yeah, that's right. I'm not going to ask. I'm simply going to be there 15 days faster. He's a man who will roll dice. Give him some dice. He'll roll them. Oh, jingle jangle. What's that?

Is that the click clacker dice in a pocket? Yeah. Baby needs a new pair of pants. Stuff like that. Yeah. Actually, you just say, sure. He'd say baby needs a new pair of pants, but it would be in French. Yes, that's true.

I don't know what that is. And he'd say what and he'd say sure. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, so they weren't disqualified, but they were penalised. In Russia, the poet Scarfoglio wrote that the great men of the Russian government, all covered with gold lace, told us all the reasons our trip was a bad idea. Did we listen? No.

And some of this was far-fetched, but just to put, if they weren't already going, this is going to be hard. Russians told them that they would be met. I didn't even look up what this means. They would be met by Chinese brigands, Manchurian tigers, fever, plague, pestilence, famine, to say nothing of the mud after three months of rain, mosquitoes as big as locusts, and other similar delights.

That sounds really fun. That's a holiday I'd like to take. Sounds good. Being told you're going to be met with pestilence is ominous. Yeah. Just in your car with no roof, no eyelids. Sorry, windshield. no eyelids. Sorry, windshield.

No eyelids. Sorry, windshield. I guess, I guess the, yeah, the windshield is the eyelid

of the car. And also after driving in the snow for that long, potentially no eyelids. that's right. Yeah. Frost,

they just snap off. Blink your last blink one day. Blink your last blink. Never thought about that. Yeah. Yeah. Jeez. There will be a last blink. There will be a last blink. Blink your last blink. Never thought about that. Yeah. Yeah. Jeez.

There will be a last blink. There will be a last blink. There will be a last blink. Oh, my God. I don't remember my first. You won't remember my last either. God, you don't appreciate blinks. Yeah.

I'm so aware of them now as I'm doing them. I feel like I'm overdoing it. Now I'm underdoing it because I was scared I was blinking too much. Do you feel it counting down? Yeah. My eyes are drying out. As long as you savor each one, it counting down? Yeah, my eyes are drying out. As long as you savour each one, it's fine. Oh, yeah, that was good.

A little counter appears above our head and we're like, what does that mean? It turns out it's how many blinks we have. That's why the number's so big. And I'm like, wow. Oh, yeah, yours is big. Mine. Yours says ten.

Why does mine say four? Matt, finish the report. That's important. Don't go tell people you love them. Finish the report. No, fuck that. There's no time. I can't give you your phone back to make some phone calls.

Finish the report. So in Vladivostok, it was decided that the cars would all restart the race together. When Schuster arrived at the hotel, he, as well as the Italian team, were summoned to St. Chaffray's room. As it turned out, his de Dion was toast and he wanted to make a deal saying there's no petrol. There is no means of getting any petrol. What there was, I've got.

And I can offer it to the car which will agree to take me on board. So he's wheeling and dealing. Yeah. The Italians sort of see that as blackmail and it pisses them right off. Yeah, fair enough. They storm out of the room going, how dare you? How dare you insult us with this? Shouting it since Chaffray.

And they weren't saying molto bene, let me tell you that. Oh, my God, cosi cosi. They were getting warmer. it since chaffray and they weren't saying molto benny let me tell you that oh my god cozy cozy getting warmer since chaffray was unperturbed swimsuit swimsuit that was my favorite that was my as a you did you do a few years of italian yeah that was my favorite cozy cozy means like so so come. Come to Kiami? Cozy, cozy. Come to Kiami is what is your name? Cozy, cozy.

How do you say how are you again? Come stay. Come stay. Cozy, cozy. Thank you. I'm glad you said that before my trip to the fashion capital. Chadston. Chadston.

Yes, I'm going to meet one of my Italian friends there. Hopefully you know their Kami already. Swimsuit. So he's making this deal, right? St. Chafferet, his wheel and deal, he's invited people into his room. The Italians did not like it. He was unperturbed. Then he stated that he could get a seat in the German machine easy.

I could get on the protest, no worries. I want a seat in the German machine. Almost too easy. Almost too easy. But Schuster, I want to be with you because I think you're going to be the winner. Schuster, can I sit next to you? I want to sit next to you. Apparently, Schuster replied that he would think about it.

And he said, I'll get back to you. Quietly left the room. As soon as he and the journalist who was with him, McAdam, were alone, he let his fury fly. Schuster was like, what the fuck? How dare he? This dog. What a dog. What a low dog.

But he would have been saying in old-timey language like, What the fuck? What an old canine. So he's like, there's no way. He said he would prefer to live the rest of his life in Vladivostok than travel with St. Chaffray in the fly. This is so dramatic. You will find us in our cars it's so cool to just make huge huge huge aggressive claims like this and know they're on the record because he's talking to a journalist

yeah yeah that's right rather die than have that motherfucker sit next to me yeah are they also some of the the american draw i think it was Schuster or Monty, would be like leaving towns going, oh, this one guy, this mayor of a town, spent so much time making the roads around his town perfect. And he's like, I just want to make a really great impression. And he made them all so perfect. And then Monty apparently, or maybe it was Schuster, said to him, oh, these are the best roads we've driven on since we left New York. And apparently the mayor or whoever like visibly beamed.

But then apparently. Gust up. And then like he said to the journalist as he's leaving the town or another town, he's like, oh, this whole, that whole state is a hole in the ground sort of thing. It's just like, it's like you're saying that on the record. Oh, my God. Yeah. Baffling. Just zip it. You're being that on the record. Oh, my God. Yeah, baffling. Just zip it.

You're being charming to the face. Yeah. I guess when you're shoveling through snow and stuff, you're probably not thinking into the future and hurting people's feelings. They also didn't have the internet, so maybe that was fun. Yeah. Just talking shit and seeing what happens. You don't have Candy Crush, so maybe just putting it out there,

like planting a seed of hate in the world and watching it bloom is a bit nice. Bit of a laugh. There was one, Little Town's Hotel put up one of the teams and then that journalist, I think it was the guy who quit the race in a huff, he wrote that it was, that town didn't even have a hotel, it was so bad. And the woman who ran the hotel read it and was heartbroken.

Oh. She's making their meals and she's thinking, I'm putting on the best for these guys. And then she's like, oh, that's brutal. Luckily, the local paper came to a defence and did this article going, if this is what he thinks of this hotel, which is a fine establishment with the best dinners in the area, then I don't think you can trust anything he says.

That was just kind of nice. That makes me want to cry. Oh, me too. Yeah, it made me feel so heartbroken. So glad that the local journalists had her back, but fucking hell. It's making me glad that I'm not in charge of a newspaper because I would easily get hot-headed over something like that

and be like, race car driver can get fucked. Yeah, so anyway, so Schuster's peed right on. Let me put it that way. But he just wasn't ready to say it to St. Chaffray yet. They figured, so now they're like, we don't have gasoline. St. Chaffray's got it all. We've got to go and figure it out. So Schuster went to work.

He made his way around the town. He went to the docks. He begged for gas. Any of the boats had any spare he took it uh he bought it if they would sell it to him then he went to a department store called kunsten albers uh and they had some spare gas in the storeroom he took that as well and he he got a fair bit of gas and he's like great now i know I don't even need him. Fuck him anyway.

But I'm not even desperate enough to need him anyway. So the next morning, since Chaffray knocked on Schuster's door thinking, all right, let's make arrangements. I got the gas. I'll give it to you. Let's go. I've made a playlist.

Shotgun? Do I get shotgun? Yeah. Instead, Schuster said in as few words as possible that he had all the gas he needed. Do you reckon he said that? I've got all the gas I need. Yeah.

Got gas. Fuck you. That's less words. Yeah. Even talking cost money at the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And while St. Chafferet is trying to sort of talk his way out of it She used to just shut the door in his face

That's the best God gas fuck you Yeah it wasn't just word economy in like telegrams That's just how they talked back then I hope the door closing was just as slow as the Trying not to get a photo taken Of a car being loaded onto a train. So slow.

He had so many opportunities. Like, he just was leaning across. Huh? Huh? Are we leaving? Lots of gasoline. I got what you need. So, on the evening of May the 21st,

St. Chaffray quietly transferred the rights of all the gasoline to the Italian ZUS team. I guess he's like, well, that guy shot the door in my face the italian yelled at me i guess i'll give it to them so yeah he gave it to them and um he's with he sort of collected his stuff and jumped on the trans-siberian railway the way it was written in the book was When the heating in the train started to thaw his feet He knew that his race was finally over I can feel my feet, I guess Far out

I can feel my toes again That's crazy The New York to Paris race had been born in his mind But that didn't mean anything in Vladivostok He boarded the train and his race was over Schuster received a telegram from the Thomas factory in Buffalo But that didn't mean anything in Vladivostok. He boarded the train and his race was over. Schuster received a telegram from the Thomas factory in Buffalo asking, do you want us to send Monty Roberts to help you when you get on the good roads of Europe?

Which is about really rubbing it in. Like, you know, like we planned, we'll grab Monty, the real popular guy. He'll jump back in and just do the bit over the finish line, go have a few feasts and that sort of stuff. Yeah. Give Monty a go. Privately, Schuster stuff. Yeah. Keep them on to your go. Privately, Schuster said he was so mad he could have eaten nails. Oh, my God.

We should be that dramatic. Yeah. I'm so mad I could eat nails. Originally, I started as a Goddard guy. Quickly became a Triple H guy. Yeah. This could be my new guy. Yeah.

You on board, Schuster? the Schuster train? Schuster. See if you can, I mean, he was a man of few words. And one emotion, anger. Yeah. But he disguises it, I think pretty well. So the question came, do you want us to send Monty Roberts to help you when

you get on the good roads of Europe? And Schuster replied, July 9, arrive today. Expect to reach Paris on July 24. Schuster didn't even answer. He's like, I got it. I'll be there. See you soon. God gasp, fuck Monty.

There's a real between the lines, fuck you there, right? Oh, yeah. Ignoring the question. See you in Paris. I'm guessing that was a joke. I won't even answer. According to Abbott, the suggestion that he was good enough to drive the flyer through the bogs of Siberia, but not through the capitals of Europe, impelled him. Despite deadened nerves and aching limbs, he was now only a day ahead of the protest and determined to maintain his lead it was a day

ahead but also kind of a month plus a day because of penalty yeah uh there was one problem schuster kept getting lost the russians couldn't understand his hand signals and the americans couldn't understand russian one wrong turn he took cost the americans 15 hours that's a brutal wrong turn driving in sydney once i took one left-hand turn that added 15 minutes to my journey, and it was the journey from Melbourne to Sydney, and I reckon that was almost breaking point. Yeah, yeah. 15 hours. Yeah.

Have you ever missed the turn off before the Westgate? Oh, yeah. Yes. When they changed that off-ramp to make it like a K earlier than it was initially. And if you just, you know, you're auto-piling and you're like, oh, wait. And then you've got to go over the bridge. Oh, my God. Once I got stuck in the wrong lane twice and went back.

So, went over the Westgate, back over the Westgate, got back to where I wanted to go and then had to go back over the Westgate. You would have thought about doing a hard vlf yeah yeah do you remember one time i was like half an hour late to the podcast because i had missed the turn and we were recording late at night so i just sent them a voice memo of me going just start without me and then i i got off at their first exit over the west gate it was closed so i had to keep going to the second and then turn around and come back. It was a nightmare.

I was half an hour late. So you can imagine how Schuster felt. Yeah, yeah. 15 hours. After driving for so long. I reckon he's ready to eat nails again. Time for his favourite snack. I mean, at this point, just carry a bag of nails with you.

Yeah. Back to Abbott. W mean, at this point, just carry a bag of nails with you. Yeah. Back to Abbott. Worse than the wrong turn, the flyer sunk into a mud hole and needed days' worth of repairs. Schuster heard that Lieutenant Copern had left St Petersburg the same day and was on his way to securing a three-day lead. The Italians remained 3,000 miles behind. Abbott continues.

The Italians remained 3,000 miles behind. Abbott continues. At 6.15 p.m. on Sunday, July 26, five and a half months and 21,933 miles from the start in Times Square, Lieutenant Copen arrived in Paris. A delegation of editors from the La Mata greeted him with tepid enthusiasm and served a cold buffet at his reception because they knew of the penalties. Yeah. But amazing. It still made this wild journey. And everyone's like, oh, we can't celebrate you as the winner yet.

Yes. Let's not heat up the food. Let's not heat up the food. You're right. That seems like the appropriate level of excitement. What about leftovers? Just put them out. HK, welcome.

We'll be celebrating in 15 days. Now just eating shit. With those canapes. Yeah. So, Schuster had finally started getting back on track. Yeah. And at the same time when Copen was crossing the finishing line, he was having breakfast at the Imperial Automobile Club of Berlin

where several people congratulated him on his good showing. Hey. Hey. You're still in the race. You've done pretty well. What an effort. Yeah. I imagine that would have made him absolutely want to eat nails. Yeah. He would have been like, actually, I'm still technically, if you look at the time between

now and the finish line, I'm fucking coming first. Yeah. Still, technically. But because communication was not his strength, he didn't bother telling them that the Protos ultimately would be docked two weeks for using the train in the American West and that the Flyer was allotted two extra weeks for attempting the trip to Alaska. Schuster had a month to get

to Paris and still win the race. He didn't tell them that. He didn't need to. Yeah. Or he just didn't know how. He was so full of rage. He couldn't get the words out. He couldn't speak for himself. That's true.

There was a lot of scars in his gums. He didn't need anywhere near that much time, though. Schuster and his crew arrived four days later on July 30th. Then, all of a sudden, when the finish line was within reach, drama hit once more. It was against the law for cars to drive at night in France without headlights, and he did not have any. That is so funny. According to Abbott, a crowd of Americans rushed from a nearby cafe and tried to explain, but the officer waved them away. The law is the law, and without

headlights, the driver had to be placed under arrest. Why are there so many finish line arrests? That's the second race in a row. Except this time it's the winner being arrested. Well, almost the winner. Well, he's got 26 days to figure

out how. He's got to get out of jail and get the car across the line. From his jail cell, he's looking out the window figure it out. Get out of jail. He's got to get out of jail and get the car across the line. From his jail cell, he's looking out the window at the finish line and a clock that's slowly ticking. No, luckily it didn't come to that because a cyclist rode up and saw what was going on. Punched the cop. Punched the cop and said, go, go, go.

He's not looking. You're illegally allowed to do this now. The cyclist had a light on his bike. He chucked his bike in the car next to Schuster, and that was enough to placate the policeman. He said, all right, you got a light now. But it's coming from a bike. Yeah, perfect.

Don't take the light off the bike. Yeah, perfect. That's hanging over the dash. Great. So if your headlights ever go out, listeners, just turn on a torch in the driver's seat, and that's enough. That's hanging over the dash. Great. So if your headlights ever go out, listeners, just turn on a torch in the driver's seat and that's enough. That's fine. Good to go.

You're good. That's advice you can take to the bank. Yeah. Take to a cop. Cops allow it. Yeah. So finally, after 169 days, the flyer crossed the finish line to win the race.

Apparently, though, the organizers still took weeks to calculate the winner. What? Yeah. I don't quite know why. There must have been more to it. Yeah, I don't know if the penalties hadn't been fully decided or what, but yeah, for some reason it took a while to figure it out.

But eventually they said the flyer beat the Protos by 26 days, the Zust, which trailed the flyer by 48 days, was third, and the final car to complete the race so three of the six cars made it all the way which really is incredible and again no death so death isn't that amazing it's too long time could have just potentially killed someone accidentally yeah that's what I'm saying

six months who knows oh we don't know that's not our business, to be honest. How many blinks have we got? Oh, my God. Matt, not many. Stop putting that back in my mind. What am I up to?

I can't see. Don't worry about it, mate. Just keep reading. While Schuster didn't want Monty Roberts to swan in for the glory at the end of the race, he graciously insisted that he be present for the Flyers' triumphant return to Times Square on August 17, 1908. So, yeah. So, that's the moment Schuster thought he was getting arrested. It would have been so funny for Monty just to run in from the sidelines, jump in.

Yeah, just roll the last little bit. I'm not the one who committed a crime. I can finish. He still doesn't have any lights on, but the cop's like, I don't see any issue with you driving it. The victory was the first time an American car won an international competition, and it had immediate consequences. Consequences? World War I. According to Schuster's great grandson, Jeff Marl, the race proved the automobile to be a reliable and dependable form of transportation.

Oh, yeah. That's my one takeaway from this. It's amazing. Yeah. It's so funny that the takeaway wasn't don't drive in the snow, whatever you do. It was like, wow. It works. As long as you've got lights on them.

Cars work. And if worst case scenario, just bring your horse in. Horse will fix it. Yeah. If your horse has a headlight. Yeah. It also marked the rise of the American automobile to prominence.

Before 1908, most people thought Europeans built the better cars, but this race was seen to prove that the Americans could build a good car. According to Garrett, indeed sales of American cars soared in the following years. The race also generated scathing editorials

decrying the state of American roads. Improvements began immediately. Asphalt was invented in 1910. Ground was broken for the Lincoln Highway, the United States' first transcontinental road in 1912. So things quickly changed after the race. Yeah, over the next few years.

And not coincidentally, this big road, this transcontinental road, went from Times Square to San Francisco. So they're like, let's build a road. Yeah. So the next time we do one of these. Coast to coast. Yeah. Wow.

According to Schuster, E.R. Thomas, the boss of Thomas Motor Company, asserted that the race cost him $100,000 and that we just don't have that kind of money. Thomas Motor Company, asserted that the race cost him 100 grand and that we just don't have that kind of money. And that was his justification for not paying Schuster the 10 grand to which he felt entitled for six months worth of 24-hour round-the-clock work. But you know what? So he just didn't get paid.

He didn't get paid. He won the race and got fuck all. And Thomas was like, this costs a lot, actually. So, yeah. It was a bit spino. Yeah. The machines cost money. The machine get money.

Not you. Man get no money. But instead. But I did pay Monty. Oh, yeah. Monty got paid. I paid Monty, obviously. Oh, yeah.

It was the face of it. We love Monty. Instead of getting paid, Schuster was instead promised a job for life at the thomas company which was thank you for your hard work here's work unfortunately that didn't turn out to be very long as they went into receivership four years later so i guess he was right that they couldn't afford to pay. Yeah, yeah. So in the end, you'd think, oh, so good for the company, but it cost them so much that it ruined them. Yeah.

And they didn't sell enough more cars to make up for it. Brutal. They did great for the industry as a whole, but their company was the sacrificial lamb sort of. Oh, God. I can imagine that Schuster died mad. With nails in his mouth. What do you reckon?

Long life or died bitter soon after? Died bitter soon after. I reckon, and look, I know I've brought this up a lot, but I reckon he dies in World War I. I reckon old age. I reckon the ones in his mouth were the ones in his coffin. Or alternatively, survives long enough, dies in World War II. Okay.

Schuster was also never paid the $1,000 prize that he was supposedly meant to claim from the Automobile Club of America. But 60 years after the race, the New York Times made good on the debt at a banquet honoring Schuster, then 95 years old. Holy shit!

He expressed appreciation, but noted that the Grand did not have the same buying power in 1968 as it would have in 1908, which is a fair call. They didn't adjust it. Oh, my God. Thanks very much for this gesture, but you know I'm not an idiot. Like, $1,000 is not that much now. Yeah.

Get the abacus out. Figure out a bit of inflation. Just because, like, it's been 60 years or whatever, that's actually fuck all per day. And he just, it's a wad of cash, and he just throws it in their face. Like, I literally, I could wipe my shit with it. The media, like, the New York Times would have been doing well in the 60s, I guess. They probably couldn't have spared any more cash. No, you're right.

But, I mean, the tone wasn't really in. They had a whole square named after them, but they were square named after them. Yeah, but they had the cash. I read it as a bit of a tongue-in-cheek joke, but now thinking back to all his sort of dramatic lines, it was probably being straight up. Yeah. He's like, this is fucked. Yeah.

This makes up for nothing. And also, I'm 95. Yeah. This does nothing for me now. Well, he did live on for another four years he died in 1972 at the ripe old age of 99 he would have been ripe didn't quite make it to 100 and all good things must come to an end and as does my report right now which i believe is now officially the longest by some margin of all time. I'll edit as much of it as I can. Yeah.

Wow, this episode's just mad. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. They introduced guests, but they didn't talk. And joining us today, and they've started the race. They did. 100 years later, they did another race, and his great-grandson was involved in all of that. 2008.

You're going to tell us about that? Do you have time? Yes. And preparations began. That was good fun and they used some really old school cars. And the Thomas Flyer, when they went out of business... Matt, save this for your next report. We'll get Cass and Deja back.

Round three. If we don't find Dave In time Put back together I don't know if I ever Want to talk about this again Alright Thank you so much

Cass and Douche No worries For taking us Through that journey In the sidecar Well yeah Thank you so much For bringing us

Alongside your journey And Look This was a long episode But it was a long race So thematically it's relevant yeah it's accurate it's it was good to be in the car that was pulled by you the stallion at the front of the house and it was great to have douche you're out the front with a

stick yes yeah this is good this is good oh no this is whole you can avoid this as the chassis expert oh that's a chassis and and Jess enjoying the feasts as we got to the town and forgetting to mention that the three of us are involved first in line at the buffet so if people do want to find you where can they it

stands but the website is the best spot I know that sanspence radio.com that's it you can just head to buyers and there'll be a photo of me and a photo of Cass. You click on us and all the shows are there. But the shows I'm on are Plumbing the Death Star, Thumb Cramps, which is a video game review podcast, Baseless Speculation, and How Good's Footy. So four weekly podcasts.

It's a lot. And Cass, what shows are you on? I'm on Shut Up a Second. That's a weekly one. It's a silly one. It's very fun. I'm on some D some dnds for nerds i don't think i'm on the current season um so go back so you can hear a girl all the boys are nervous i don't know what to do when everyone sounds shy

um there no if you go back further enough The girl won't be me Just have a look Yeah that's where I And sometimes I'm on Random pods talking about video games I've played Mostly it's just whatever Mark Zuckerberg

Has Decided that I might like I jump onto Instagram and he's like, you want brain dom? I'm like, yeah. Yeah, I want that. Thanks, Mark. I reckon you're pushing towards official, what, fifth Beatle level on this episode?

Oh, yeah, definitely. Mesa is our fourth Beatle. You might be a fifth. No, Ringo's a fifth Beatle. You might be our sixth Beatle. Yeah. And I was just thinking, like, I'm having deja vu having this conversation,

but Dave and I said it to Cass the last time she was here was when you weren't here. That's right. Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Beetle, beetle. Absolutely taking over Mace. And people I always see, people love having you on. No one's mentioned digit button.

I've just happily announced now that me and Mason are going to go head to head for do go on guesting A duel? Yeah a duel Bring us both on and we'll fight Mason doesn't know about this Mason fires you before the gun does that No I quit actually Anyway thank you so much for joining us

I'm so sorry but you are not allowed to Stay here for the Patreon rate We will not do that to you Hey thank you so much and to all of your patreons i hope the shout out part is excellent yeah um to any patreon who skipped ahead to the shout out you go back you missed some good stuff a lot of people do it's everyone's favorite section of the show anyway laters bye and now it's time for everyone's favorite section of the show well done getting through this far,

already longer than maybe any episode we've done before. But I'm so excited to welcome back for the first time in, I think, six weeks, it's Master David Warnocki. Hello, everybody. I'm back. I'm alive. Just completed a race from New York City all the way to Peking. Paris.

No. Paris. On New York to Paris this one. Which is where you were. I actually was in Paris for a couple of nights on my travels. So that's where the race ended. We learnt that France was a powerhouse of early motor car. Fantastic.

Well, I mean, in many ways, we continue with Le Mans. Yeah. And Grand Prix, as Dusha mentioned, is a French term. Oh, my goodness. They're all over it. They've got their prints all over it, the French. I was there all along. It was right in front of us.

Yes, but great to be back with you. Thank you so much for holding the fort down. I've been listening to a lot of the episodes. I haven't heard this one yet because it hasn't come out,. I've been listening to a lot of the episodes. I haven't heard this one yet because it hasn't come out, but I've been listening to the episodes. You've done a fantastic job, can I just say. Oh, that's very nice of you to say. It's been enjoyable just listening to the show as a listener.

It's very fun. I had the same one, the Chow Chiller episode. I really enjoyed listening to that. I'm like, ah, this is a fun show to listen to when I'm not on it. I know. It's a lot harder when you've got your own annoying voice in the mix, but without it, oh, it's fun. I see what the fuss is about.

There's a lot of fuss as well. Oh, it's too much. Stop making such a fuss. Stop fussing, everyone. So do you want to fill people in on where you've been and what you've been up to? I've been travelling. I went on a holiday with my wife.

And then for a while there, we were with her family too, which was great. We did a bit of Italy. Went to Prague for the first time. Loved it. You've been to Irish pub in Prague, I assume. I've been to Prague a few times. Love Prague. Fantastic.

Beautiful city. Is Prague the one? I went to this bar a couple of times I was there. Okay. Who was playing? No one was playing, but it was like the whole thing was sort of made out of robotic parts. It's a pretty vague memory, but it was like, felt like it was just out of town and everything was sort of mechanical and it was sort of like a bit of a labyrinth. Oh, that sounds great.

I missed the robot bar. Yeah, possibly making that up. But yeah, no, it's funny because half the time you were away, I was away as well. But we just recorded a bunch of episodes in the weeks before. Yeah, you were smashing them out. Yeah, but after you leaving, before me leaving, we recorded a bunch of these. But yeah, I was up in, I went from Adelaide to Darwin in that same time.

Long journey. While you were in the desert, I was in the desert. I was in Morocco and the Sahara whilst you were there, so that was kind of cool. Yeah, you rode a camel. There was some plan for me to ride a camel. It never happened. I ended up mopping a crocodile.

I did not mop any crocodiles, so that's something – That was something I did not expect to happen. That's quite the experience, I imagine. Yeah, it was very surreal. Mop to crock. Mop to crock. Yeah, just another day. And then, yeah, and then I finished, you know,

I went to a couple other places in Europe, Amsterdam, which is great, and Copenhagen. Oh, yeah, what did you get up to in Amsterdam? 420 somewhere. Yeah, all right. Bit of fun there. And then I walked along the canals, as you would call them. Oh, the canals.

The canals. Love a canal. And also a canal. Oh. Copenhagen, love that. I could live there. Oh, wow, okay. If there are any Danish people out there who are willing to adopt me,

I'd love it. Maybe their queen or princess. Yes, that'd be great. I'd love to. Is they're queen or princess. Yes, that'd be great. I'd love to. Is she a queen there yet? There's a queen there. Fantastic. And the royal household.

Tasmanian one? Oh, Princess Mary, no. Is that a different country? No, that is there. Not a country, but she's there. She's just waiting in the wings. Absolutely. And I saw where they live.

Once she takes over, I imagine Australia takes over Denmark. I think that's how it works. Yeah. And then finally finished up in London where I met a bunch of listeners at the book cheat live show that I did, a one-off. Fantastic. So cool. People came up at the end.

I've got to say the number one thing people said was, when are Matt and Jess coming back? When can you get all three of you back? So I'm just putting it out there. People are very keen in at least London town to see us. I'm very keen. Yes. And yeah,

hopefully we can get something together. It's hard to get all of our schedules lining up. Because we're always away traveling or working

and doing bits and pieces at the moment. But yeah. But rain, hail or shine, the podcast will continue to come at us. We have proven. That's right.

There's always good understudies waiting in the wings. Anyway, we should probably start everyone's favorite section of the show. I'm so excited to be back. Maybe. I don't know if you can just litter in some details of your trip as we go. Let's do it. But the first thing we like to do, Dave, it's been a while for you, but we normally, this whole section of the show is all

about celebrating our fantastic supporters. You can support us at patreon.com.com.com. Thank you so much to everyone that does that. You know, the show exists because of you and we really appreciate it very much.

But there's all sorts of things you get in return for your support. Dave, what are some of those things? You can get three bonus episodes every single month, which are a lot of fun. There's a mixture of reports and quizzes and all sorts of different things, like Phrasing the Bar podcast about Brendan Fraser movies. And if you subscribe, as soon as you do so, you get access to over 150 in the back catalogue as well.

So plenty of bonus stuff. Be in the Facebook group, which so plenty of bonus stuff be in the facebook group which is a lovely place where like-minded people hang out the nicest thing i gotta say the book cheat show was a it was great fun but afterwards meeting so many patreon people that are now friends literally people from all over europe were hanging out together in a bar and i was having a few beers with people so and that's all because of this facebook group that you can become part of which is very cool. And also you get access to tickets before anyone else and you vote for the topic.

So you literally tell us what we should talk about. So much good stuff on there. And one of the other awards is on the Sydney Scheinberg level. If you sign up there, you get to give us a fact or quote or a question in a section of the show. We like to call fact, quote or question, which has a jingle.

I think it's something like this. Fact, quote or question. Ding, ding, ding, ding. Oh, you remember the ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And the way this works is if you're on the Sydney Schoenberg level, you get to give us a fact, quote or question or a brag or a suggestion or really whatever you like. You also get to give yourself a nickname and then I read them out on the show.

First up this week, we've got one from Roshni Ray, aka most likely to regret listening to a serial killer episode. Matt, your title is most likely to regret reporting on a serial killer episode. Yeah, it's funny. I think whenever I do one, I always get messages from people like going, oh, sorry, you don't have to do it. Sorry, you's funny. I think whenever I do one, I always get messages from people like going, oh, sorry, you don't have to do it. Sorry you didn't. I'm like, I wouldn't do it if I wasn't okay with it.

I'm probably, I wear my heart on my sleeve a bit too much about how upsetting some stuff is. But, you know, it's what it is. I feel like it'd be weird if it wasn't upsetting. I love it. But, I mean, I still find them very interesting but i i imagine roshni's maybe talking about uh you know you listen to it and then maybe all of a sudden the dark feels a little bit yes there is it's a morbid fascination while it's happening as soon as it finishes you

think oh no why is that thought of it because yeah can i can i get to bed before that is a hat stand right oh no can i get there before the lights turn is a hat stand, right? Oh, no. Can I get there before the lights turn out? Roshni, you've got to get rid of that hat stand in the corner of your room. Who's that knocking at my door with a machete? Is that the delivery driver delivering a machete? Or the raven? Wrap, wrap, wrapping on my chamber door?

Never more. Quoth to the raven. Fantastic use of the word quoth. I'm a big fan of quoth Anyway, Roshni has got a quote We don't get a lot of quotes Love a quote Roshni writes

I suppose I'm quoting myself Love that Love a technicality Love that I wanted to say thanks I started listening to Do Go On When I started medical school And four gruelling years later

I've finally graduated Thank you for all that you guys do It takes talent and time started medical school and four grueling years later, I finally graduated. Thank you for all that you guys do. It takes talent and time and I appreciate all the work you guys put into it. What a beautiful quote. That's a lovely quote and congratulations. You did it. Medical school. That's very cool.

Someone that's graduated medical school to tell us that it takes talent for what we do. It's very funny. Roshni, does medical school, does that make you a doctor? I think there are different things. Yeah, you're probably on the ward now, learning in person. Maybe, I don't know how it works,

especially different parts of the world, but great work. In my heart, you're definitely already a doctor and you're at least well on the way, if not already a doctor. Congratulations. Congratulations, Roshni. So cool. If that's what you're going for. Yeah. way, if not already a doctor, congratulations. Congratulations, Roshni. That's so cool. If that's what you're going for. Yeah.

Not your value, but also very cool. And thank you so much for that beautiful quote. Next one comes from Mark Wen, a.k.a. official do-go-on geologist. Suck it, Kevin, in brackets. Sorry, Kevin. Sorry, Kevin. And Mark's written a question, which is, I love certain phrases you each often say and wait to hear them each week.

For Jess, it's, what am I like? Matt, as the feminist of the podcast. And Dave, boof. My question is, what are your favorite phrases from each other? Oh, love the podcast. Hope you come to Canada someday and I can finally go to a live show oh man we really i mean i don't i shouldn't say it because i've said it and been wrong so many times but we think 2023 that's right is our north american year final last time you said that you caused a worldwide pandemic so that's on you man

we were so close up in 2020 about to lodge the application for a visa and all sorts of things um favorite phrase jess doesn't say it much anymore but i love still love a good year oh good year fantastic love a good year yeah i occasionally try and bring it back but yeah you get shut down she does not like it when i say it hey it's not your place move on matt your place yeah no it's it's one of those I'm, they're never really front of mind, but I. You do enjoy when we're on the road quoting me saying, just a bit of fun.

Just a bit of fun. I'm a big fan of that. You love saying that. That's a good one. I remember my famous catchphrase that really caught on when I say, isn't it nice to be alive or something like that. Trying to think. Oh, what about I had one and now I've absolutely lost it that you say.

Oh, a gentleman never shits. Would you try and cram in at any? Well, something you've got to remember is a gentleman never shits. I thought that was just such a funny idea to me. You know, anything that a gentleman never does, well, a gentleman would never. But to be something that's obviously gross, but obviously also humanly impossible, I think.

I mean, maybe Roshni might have learnt about this in medical school. Maybe there's a loophole somewhere. One of my favourites, and I know it's controversial. A lot of people love it, which we've heard from, and you are the pioneer of us referencing a little website called wikipedia.org. And any time you say a.org, I really enjoy that. I can't remember where that started.

I think I might have even started on primates. You just started saying.org. .org. That's funny. And I think I've started saying wikipedia.org. Even better. Soon it's just going to be George, George, George. Thank you very much Mark.

Hopefully that was satisfying. Any other bop ones? There's so many things I love but none of them are coming into my brain. Yes. I find it funny when Jess refers to me as

a little boy. Little boy. That makes me laugh. Not a value. Very good laugh. Not a value. Very good one. Not a value. Next one comes from Shay, aka Secretary of Bops and all those who never got a nickname's dynasty.

Secretary of Bops dynasty, but in brackets in between there and all those who never got a nickname. Remember Bop, Jess wasn't happy that she didn't have a great nickname, and now she's got multiple Bop, little skipper on her other podcast. So dream big. Shay, if you've never had a good nickname, you know, it could happen. Yeah. I was going to say don't force it, but then Jess did ask to be called Bop,

and it's worked, so maybe you should force it. And I think of you as Cobra now, and you forced that. Thank you so much. What about Mful? Shay Mful. You can even Shay a little nickname there. Where does that come from? Shameful.

Mful. Oh, okay. So she's provided, well, they've provided the Shay without the mful. Mful. I think that is awful. I mean, mful. That's some of your best work. Hey, just people who know about ideas.

Shay has a fact writing, hope this hasn't already been submitted, but Catherine Howard, fifth wife of Henry VIII, while locked away in a tower awaiting death, requested the block she'd be beheaded on so that she might know how to place herself because she was so nervous about being beheaded, which is about the saddest and wildest fact I've learned.

Wow. Gosh, that's awful, isn't it? So you want to like... She requested the block. Get a good look at the block. I don't want to muck this up. Gosh, that's awful, isn't it? So you want to like. She requested the block. Get a good look at the block. I really want to. I don't want to muck this up. Oh, my God.

Is that why they call it blocking when you're working out the stage movements? Yeah. That's Catherine Howard started blocking. Got to block this show. Got to block this out. So I'll walk up. I'll bow to the crowd, obviously. Wave my right hand.

I'll place my head here. And then you know the rest I don't think I've heard that before Shay I've never heard that fact it is

that's grim that's a grim fact is that grim yeah but it also it's so endearing somehow isn't that weird

I'm like I don't want to mess this up I don't want to embarrass myself you were too good for Henry VIII I think they all were

yeah yeah that's fair thank you very much for that fact Shay and finally this week You were too good for Henry VIII. I think they all were. Yeah. Yeah, that's fair. Thank you very much for that fact, Shay. And finally this week from Siraj Peiris. You say Peiris like penis. That's how I still, Siraj told me that once. Penis, Peiris.

Peiris, penis. Okay, fantastic. Siraj is one of the people catching up within the London bar. Oh, so good. I don't know how he does it, but Suraj seems to be at every live show. I pop up somewhere in the world, he'll be there. I really, I think he's got porthole technology. Yeah. Or, you know, like, what do you call it, where you zap through a thing

and you end up somewhere else. I like porthole technology. Is that what it's called? Yeah, sure. Sure, why not? I was thinking that maybe he's got, Yeah, sure. Sure, why not? I was thinking that maybe he's got like some sort of diplomatic immunity, multiple passports. Diplomatic immunity.

Is that Jason Statham? I don't know. Jason Statham was in Bleed the Weapon. Diplomatic immunity. Immunity. I don't speak real good. And then he turns a key. It's a keeper. He puts the key in the ear of someone and then he turns a key it's a key button

he puts the key in the ear of someone and then turns it sorry judge sorry judge I've got diplomatic amunikey and then he kills him with a key and then does he start going starts doing the engine noise yes

anyway Siraj aka bingo enthusiast and real piece of shit, has offered a fact, which is dolphins identify their friends by their special whistles and the taste of their piss. What a great use of the dot, dot, dot. A fantastic use of the dot, dot, dot. A fantastic use of the dot, dot, dot. And does the best come from the extra special whistle?

Yeah. That's what I'm calling it. Sorry, I've got to go have a special whistle. I've got to go give her the one-eyed whistle or something. When I was in China, one of the tour guides told us that they sometimes refer to going to the bathroom as singing a song. Oh, yeah. Because back in the day they-

Gentlemen don't shit. Gentlemen doesn't shit. And also the toilets didn't have locks on the door. So to let someone know you're in there, you just- La, la, la, la, la, taking a shit. I'm spinning around. Get out of my way. What is that?

Kylie? Kylie. It's funny the song that comes to mind. Thank you very much, Saraj, Shay, Mark and Roshni. Piss Whistle. Piss Whistle. Another thing we like to do is thank another bunch of our great supporters. Normally with a bit of a game based on the topic at hand,

Jess normally comes up with the topic of the game. Dave, do you have any thoughts here? Car related. Can we give them a make of car or something? I don't know. You tell me. I wasn't here for the episode. What were some of the... So, yeah. So the car manufacturers,

people coming from all around the world. We give them a car we could oh this oh what about a phrase

there was something later in the episode which we were really enjoying was one of the guys when he got

angry he'd say he'd be like I'm so angry I could eat nails so maybe they're so angry they could and whatever it is.

That's fun. Did he eat nails? I don't think so. But, I mean, if we take his word for it, then, yeah, I guess he did. So if I, maybe we'll go one for one. How about that, Dave? Mano y mano. I'll read the name out and I'll say,

he's so mad that they could and you say the thing. All right? Bit of stream of consciousness stuff here. First up, I'd love to thank from Western Supermare. I think that might be where John Cleese is from. Really? Listen to his autobiography not too long ago. Oh, fantastic.

Western Supermare in Great Britain. I'd love to thank Jake Middleton, who is so mad he could... Win a pillow fight. That's mad. That's mad. That's mad. And when I say win, I mean kill the other opponents. Yeah, with a pillow.

Yeah. Freaking hell, that's mad. Oh, my gosh. That's mad. That's bad. That's Jake Middleton from Western Supermare. Supermare. I love that.

Never heard of it. I love it. So, now I'm going next? Yeah, now you go. Yeah. Okay. I would like to thank from Kensington in Victoria. This is all one word, this name.

Amanda Geddon. Amanda Geddon. Amanda Geddon is so mad they could punch themselves in the face that's mad that's mad that's mad that's so mad

it's stupid it's pretty stupid man normally when you're mad you are a bit stupid I think alright I'd love to thank from

Mount Vernon in God's country Ohio in the United States it's old friend old friend is so mad they could All right. I'd love to thank from Mount Vernon in God's country, Ohio, in the United States, it's Old Friend. Old Friend is so mad they could eat a six-pack of yogurt. Whoa, that's mad. Without even snapping them off, like the containers are still there, ripped off the top and just going spoon, spoon, spoon, spoon, spoon.

I'm angry. Spoon, spoon until it's gone. Jeez, that's angry. That's such a vivid image of an angry person that's anger old friend maybe you need

to talk to yeah a new friend a new friend I think so I would like to thank now from Los Angeles the city of angels

in California it's Emily Keene Emily Keene these names are so nice they're making us so angry Emily Keane. Emily Keane. These names are so nice. We're making her so angry. Emily Keane, so mad she could scull a full bottle of hot English mustard. No. Yes.

Grey Poupon? Grey Poupon. Oh, my goodness. I think that's a different thing, but Grey Poupon Chaser. Yeah, well, yeah. I'm still angry better get some grapefruit

Emily keen that's angry and also ill-advised yeah it's sort of it's just like tastes like a yellow wasabi

yeah I reckon I don't know if I wonder if I could tell the difference when a blindfold test

the color is stands out okay but in a blindfold test. The colour stands out. Okay, but in a blindfold test you have to eat a bottle of this and then a bottle of that. So which one was which? I would love to thank from Ascot Vale right here in Melbourne, Australia, Calla Blues. Calla Blues are so angry they could smash a guitar. Oh.

But a very expensive one. Really? Not that they forgot to switch the pop one? Yeah, there was like there's two there. They're like, I'm so angry, I'll just grab this one. It's their grandpa's old one from 1949. They smashed it. No, no, no.

Whoops, next to it was a plastic one. So you really could have told, should have told the difference. But when you're angry, you know, you just, you go blind rage. Yeah, the other one had a, I can't think of a toy company. Hasbro. Hasbro. Gibson or Hasbro.

Oh, I don't know. I don't know. I'm so mad. I'm smashing the Gibson. I'd like to thank from the Netherlands, I believe this is. Oh, where you were recently. What was your funnest experience in the Netherlands I believe this is oh where you were recently what was your what funnest experience in the Netherlands

apart from obviously the brownies you probably had I met up with my dad's uncle so my great uncle has lived in Amsterdam

for over 50 years and I caught up with him that was just stay on the run from well I'd rather not say no he just and I caught up with him. That was... To stay on the run from. Well, I'd rather not say. No, he just went over to a trip to Europe when he was in his 20s. I never came back.

Loved it so much he just moved over there. That's so cool. And I've seen him a few times because he's come out to Australia before, but I've never been over there before. So it was great to catch up for a beer. And then also there's a place there that sold basically exclusively apple pie. Oh, wow. So I had to go there.

Cafe Winkle. Oh, what a lovely city. It's just nice. Very walkable. Very nice. Yeah. All the canals. Love a canal.

I saw the OCs there. It was such a great gig. The OCs. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. But this person isn't from Amsterdam. They're from. Did you not even get to their name?

No, I just said Netherlands. It's from Enschede. I'm definitely almost saying that incorrectly. I apologize to Norskierboom. Norskierboom. Holy shit. That's a fantastic name. Oh, my goodness. It's so good, isn't it? Norskierboom. Nor Skierboom. Holy shit, that's a fantastic name. Oh, my goodness.

It's so good, isn't it? Nor Skierboom. So mad they could take the top bunk and piss all night on drizzling down on the person below who wronged them. And are they like, is the wee going up and then down like a fountain and stripping through? That's how mad they are. It's funny, like all these sentences,

you never know where they're going to end. You never expect them to end there. I appreciate that. Thank you so much, Noor. I'd also love to thank from address unknown. I can only assume from deep within the fortress of the mole. It's Katie Tipton. Katie Tipton is so freaking angry that they could slap an entire AFL team.

Whoa. Slap them one after the other. Smack. Victoria A-team one after the other. Smack. Victoria 18 players on the field. Are we talking about the four on the bench as well? 422 plus the sub, plus the coach, plus the assistant coach. Holy shit. That's how mad.

Obviously, it's an AFL related anger. So the senior assistant, not the other line coaches? No, and the water boy is being left alone because he's done it. You know, he's suffered enough. Yeah. Katie Tipton. I think you've got to talk to someone. You're going to get a sore hand.

Yeah. Slapping them all. Yeah, they'll be regret. Slapping sense. You're going to have slap regret for sure. Yeah, absolutely. But I don't know, maybe it inspires them to, you know, pull their socks up next season.

Actually make the date. You know? Who else should we thank here, Dave? Oh, we're going now to Glasgow. We love Scotland. Did you get to Scotland? No, no. Only a few days in London this time.

But I'd love to go back to Scotland. Anytime. Anytime I'll go there. I'll tell you about the time I met this lovely Glaswegian man on my travels. I think I was in, might have even been in Prague. We shared maybe a hostel room or something. And he was so nice. Shared a bunk bed, pissed on him all night.

And he had this hat that he traveled around with and he gave it to me and I was so dumb. I'm like, oh, I'll take, I'm going to, he was like, come stay with me when you're in Glasgow. I'm like, oh, I'll take, I'm going to, he was like, come stay with me when you're in Glasgow. I'm like, great. He's like, while you're traveling, get a few photos with the hat around the place. I'm like, oh, fantastic.

So I took a few and then we're drunk one night drinking, you know, being a bit silly. Drunk drinking, do you know what that is? Yes. And then one of my friends for some reason was naked and he took a photo covering his chop with the hat. Must have been a big hat, 10-gallon. It was a 10-gallon hat, yeah.

And, you know, he thought it was a bit of fun, you know. It sounds silly, but yeah. A bit of silly fun. I understand what you're doing. We're all 22-year-olds or whatever. And then so I went to Salem and showed him the photos and he was like, he was disgusted. No.

Did he expect the hat back? Yeah, he didn't want it back after that. Oh, so you were meant to take some photos and then give the hat back. Yeah, I can't remember if he was expecting it, but I still had it. And he's like, I don't want it back. The hat's ruined. You've ruined the hat. And has it ruined the –

I think about it all the time. Did it sour the relationship between the two of you? I think it did, yeah. I think it might have. Because were there a few other photos? Like, oh, here we are from the Eiffel Tower. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Fantastic, very innocent, nice.

And then covering his dick in your – Yeah. Why was he so uptight? I don't know. I mean, I could sort of get it. Yeah. He just thought it was a... We were just on different wavelengths.

I don't want it back. But it just breaks my heart to think about it. No, he's so upset. Oh, why'd you do that? Yeah. I'm sorry. I thought you'd find it funny. Well, I wonder if this person from Glasgow would find it funny.

It's Ben Oliver. Ben Oliver was so mad that he punched a hole through a hat, Mary Poppins style. You know, he'd lost it. He'd quit the bank like Mary Poppins' dad, whoever it was. Remember that bit? Yeah. He had a bowler hat or a top hat and he punched a hole in it.

They're the best kind of hats to punch a hole through. Oh, yeah. Made a great sound. Try to punch a hole through the cap you're wearing now. Impossible. No. Good luck. Good luck.

Thank you so much, Ben. And finally, I'd love to thank thank from Wanganui in New Zealand, Amy Holly Kogis. Amy, so angry that they built the world's largest sandcastle. Whoa. Sometimes you're so angry, like, I've got to do something, so they just start digging. That's a quiet, intense rage.

Yep. And then they saw the sand. Amy's like, I've been digging. There's a few ton of sand there. All right, I'll shape this into something. Yeah. Still furious. Yeah.

And it stood the test of time, actually. Still a testament to rage. Yep. Fair enough, too, Amy. I'd love to get back to New Zealand. I've never been. I'd love to go. I love New Zealand.

I want to go back. Maybe we could do a gig there. I would love to do a gig there. Can we, Dave? Okay. We're doing these ones in Brisbane. If they turn out to be fun, maybe we can, you know, we've got a bit of flexibility. Take the show on the road.

A bit of comedy in one of our pods or something. But I think Jess will be keen too, hopefully. Jess is just, she's the only one who's got real work anymore. Yeah. Or like tied to a time. Dave and I still do real work, but it's just a bit more flexible. And we're men of leisure. Anyway, thank you so much to Amy, Ben, Katie, Noor, Calla, Emily,

old friend Amanda Geddon, and Jake. And the last thing we do, Dave, I don't know if you recall this, we welcome some people into the Triptych Club. Absolutely. Now, do you know how the Triptych Club works? It's been a little while, but I believe these are the people that have been on the shout out level for three consecutive years, never dropped off. And for their unwavering support, we welcome them into a Hall of Fame slash club slash nightclub slash restaurant slash whatever you want it to be.

A clubhouse. Yeah. Bar, pub. You've got lifetime membership. Absolutely. And you can get a, there's a tattoo parlor out back if you want to ink the celebration yeah obviously you don't have to but a bunch of people have which is quite cool and mr heggie one of the greatest tattoo artists in the world is already a member i believe so he's out the back but he's not on the clock no no nor should he be but he might appreciate it if you want to show him yeah check this out check out. Check this out. That's what I got. What do you think?

And he, as far as I know, will be kind. Yeah. It's shit. Next. I don't know what Mr. Higgy looks like or sounds like. No. But we know what he acts like and it's a gentleman. Yeah. Hey, that's a gentleman. Yeah.

Hey, that's fucking lovely. I'm not sure where in England he's from. Have a few goes. I believe he's at. Oh, that's fucking lovely. Operating out of Brighton. Oh, Brighton. Nick Cave's hometown.

That's my only fact about it. Beautiful pier. Love the pier. Oh, my goodness. Anyway, so we've got two inductees this week, Dave. Fantastic. Normally, Jess has got a drink behind the bar that's, you know, a cocktail based on the episode.

What is the race of the century cocktail, Dave? It's oil. Okay. Mixed with vodka. What are you talking, Valvoline? Yeah. You know what I mean. You know what I mean. I know what you mean.

It's a tiny bit of oil, like enough that you can get the taste of it, but it's not going to kill you. Then it's got some very cheap vodka and it's topped up with cola. Beautiful. So hopefully, you know, get it in you. And we call it the engine revver. Yeah. Trevor's engine revvers. Trevor's engine revvers. That's And we call it the engine revver. Yeah. Trevor's engine revvers.

Trevor's engine revvers. That's what we call it. Trevor behind the bar, of course. Trevor Marmalade. What else do we normally do? Do you normally book to band? I normally book to band. Yeah.

And I have booked the band, the New York Dolls. Whoa. So. In honor of the. New York's. So, or was that a coincidence? Absolutely. It's always a coincidence. It's always a coincidence. But yeah, can you believe I've- New York's. So, or was that a coincidence? Absolutely. It was always a coincidence.

It's always a coincidence. But yeah, can you believe I've got New York dolls on the bill? I don't think you slipped up there, Dave. No, I actually met them in Copenhagen. I said, can you do a little gig for us? They said, no worries. The New York dolls were in Copenhagen? Yeah.

I think, am I right in thinking one of the New York Dolls was in A Very Murray Christmas? Oh, you would know because you're probably the only person on earth who's seen them all at once. Yeah. Big fan. That is funny. Let's see. David Johansson.

This is the guy I was thinking. Yeah, he was. That's the main. He's best known as a member of the seminal proto-punk band, the New York Dolls. Yeah, he's. He plays the barman. He sings a little bit.

Or maybe he could come back behind the bar with Trevor. Oh, my God. Guest appearance. Fantastic. New thing. We have to talk about who's behind the bar. This gets longer and longer.

But it's going to be a great night out. Going to be a great night out. Going to be a great night out. Great night out. And so the way this works is I'm on the door. I'm going to lift the velvet rope. I've got a clipboard. I've got a door list. Only two names on it this week.

I'm going to call them out. If your name is read out, run in. Everyone who's already in is there clapping along, chanting your name. Dave's up on stage. He's hosting the evening before the New York Dolls play the after party. Of course, every great band needs a great MC. So Dave's going to hype you up as you come in, and he does a beautiful job of it.

And as Jess isn't here, I'm going to boost Dave up as best as I can. Thank you. Appreciate it. Honestly, I've been away for a little week, so I need to work back in positivity and courage. All right. So are you ready to go? Absolutely.

First up from, and we've just heard from them, from Seattle in Washington, the United States, home of Dr. Frasier Crane, it's Roshni Ray. Roshni Ray's the roof. And from Austin, Texas,

stay weird, it's Brianne Wharton. Wharton, here's a who. Wharton, here's a who. That's pretty good. Yeah. What does it mean in a hyped up way? Okay.

Brianne. What about Wharton, here's a boo-yeah. Okay. That's pretty good. Wharton, here's a boo-yeah. I don't know if that's good. It's harder than it looks. It's difficult.

Welcome in, Brianne and Roshni. Thanks so much for joining us. Make yourselves at home. Grab yourselves a drink from Trevor. Absolutely. Trevor's Revers. I think that brings us to the end of the episode, Dave. The longest one we've ever done.

Wow. By quite a margin, I reckon. I was here for about 8% of it. So thank you so much for having me back appreciate that if people want to get in contact with us Matt where can they do that well there's a beautiful new website

we've got that our great web designer put together called dogoon.com no dogoonpod.com dogoonpod.com absolutely and we've also got an email address dogoonpod at gmail.com. We're DoGoOnPod on all social medias. Apart from TikTok for some reason, I think Jess opted for DoGoOnPodcast.

Did someone get DoGoOnPod? I'm not sure. I just think Jess thought TikTok, they're a bit more sophisticated. Yes, for sure. I've signed up for TikTok. I haven't put anything on there, but I was annoyed because at Dave Warnke, which is what I'm on, everything was taken. Really?

God damn it. Are they using it? Then I, yeah, I tried to look into it and then I realized that it was me. I took it six months earlier. I was going to say, what's that one of the Dave Warnke's? Got the handle. I think I've also got Dave.Warnke just in case. That's good to have a backup there.

Yeah, so get involved wherever you can. You can buy some merchandise. We've got hoodies and other bibs and bobs. That's right. Do we sell bibs? No, I don't think we do sell bibs. But there's stickers, there's mugs, there's T-shirts, there's sweats. Yeah.

All sorts of stuff through the website. You can pay for Dave's sweat. Absolutely. A little vial of Dave's sweat. And it is vial. I'll tell you that. But it will make you live longer. So it's worth the swallow. Thank you so much for listening to the show,

supporting the show. I'll be back next week with my first report in a long, long time and cooking this one up, being voted for by the Patreon supporters. So very excited to be back in the studio. Thank you so much. But until then, I'll say thank you and goodbye. Laters.

Yeah, just to see what it's like. Because you might be a con man, get conned once and be like, oh. Con me once. Then you can do it. Shame on me. Yeah. Yeah con man, get conned once and be like, oh. Con me once. Then you can do it. Shame on me. Yeah. Yeah. Can't get conned again. Timely reference.

Can't get conned again. I'm never not finding that funny. He gets so lost in it. Can't get conned again. I don't find that funny. He gets so lost in it. I think we've had some great prime ministers for like- Sculling beer. And putting their foot in their mouths at times. Tony Abbott at that time said something about being the suppository of knowledge. It's good stuff.

There's been some classics. I think Abbott had a lot of them yeah but america just keeps giving yeah all of the presidents in my lifetime and the current one man some of those clips are wild yeah where you're like what what's happening what's happening well the videos i've seen people say that a lot of them start they speak like they're being fed words through an earpiece of someone who's watching them talk. Yeah. And it does. They're always like two words behind in what they're saying.

Right. It sounds like someone's watching them and then giving them the lines. I mean, I do this podcast, edit it, and I still have so many flubs that make it through. Doing it live all the time when you're always on camera, I would gaffe nonstop every day. I'd gaffe so hard all time. All time. All time you'd gaffe.

Good example. But, yeah, I just find it is pretty fun. But, yeah, I would be hopeless trying to talk on record all the time. It's hard. But yeah, apart from, you know, obviously a lot of world leaders do bad things all the time. If you take that out of the equation, fuck the American presidents have been entertaining. He died like a dog. That's one of my favorites from Trump.

That's a Trump? Oh, that's great. Oh, God. Who was he talking about? That's a great question. A war hero or's a Trump? Oh, that's great. Oh, God. Who was he talking about? That's a great question. A war hero or something? No, no, no, no. Like a, yeah, an enemy.

Okay. At the time where, this was pre-presidency when he was tweeting about how Robert Patterson should leave Kirsten Stewart. Oh, that's great. Oh, my God. Yeah. That's so funny. He did so many tweets about him being like, she'll do it again, man. You got to get out. That's so funny He did so many tweets about him Being like She'll do it again man

You gotta get out That's so funny Wait were they together Or is he talking about The characters in the movie No when they went together And then she cheated on him Would have been way better

If he thought Twila was real No I think it had just come out That she cheated on him And he was like Robert has to get out Of that situation Once a cheater Always a cheater

Snow White and the Huntsman era Where Kirsten Stewart and the director of the film had an affair. Donald Trump was weighing in heavily. Was it Biden who forgot Morrison's name? Yeah. Is it that? Oh, no, yeah.

And good on you, that fella over there. Interesting credit. Someone forgot Albo's name the other week. I think it was Biden. No, I thought that was somebody else. Oh, Trudeau. Was it Trudeau? Why not just say Mr. Prime Minister or something?

Say mate. Mate is so handy. Yeah, mate. That's, you know, it feels like holding out a little like to a kangaroo or something. Again, I'm never more anxious, I don't think, in my whole life than the start of doing podcasts with guests. People I know really well, I get so nervous about fucking up your names. Yeah, that's fair enough. Well, you didn't introduce today's episode.

I introduced you though and I'm like, fuck. I want you to know that you could get my name wrong to my face and I'd be fine. I would never correct. I would also be often fine, but I still just feel, I don't know, mortified somehow. When I've worked other jobs and you have to say your name over the phone or whatever, people will be like, I spoke to a cat today.

And I'm like, yes, you did. That was me. And I get to be someone else. It's exciting. They're like, are you Cathy? Did I speak to you? I'm like, 100%. Sure did.

My name's Cathy. I'm often Max. Max. Which I like. I get Jeff. That's not did. My name's Kathy. I'm often Max. Max. Which I like. I get Jeff. That's fun. So that's not good. My name Jeff.

Yeah, my name Jeff. One time I spoke to a customer. I answered the phone and I said, you're speaking with Jess. And they said, what was your name? I said, Jess. He goes, Catherine, was it? And I went, yep. That's a leap.

Were you talking to Biden? Yeah. Hello, Mr. President. This is Jess speaking. Catherine, yes. Yes. I think it's nice for Australia to see that because I think occasionally the news will

show our Prime Minister meeting with the President and be trying to make it out like they're equals. And it's good that quite regularly they'll show that that is not the case. That's not the case. Well, they're never at our house.

It's always, oh, come to mine. It's like, oh, do you want to come over? Nah, my house is bigger. Actually, I would love to, but yeah. Yeah. Mum says, well, it's just because we've got the big TV and the Xbox is here. So, like, we could go to yours. But, like, if you wanted to play Xbox, you'd have to come to mine.

What would we do at your shitty little boring house? Yeah. I mean, I guess we, like, we could go to yours, but, like, if you wanted to play Xbox, you'd have to go to mine. What would we do at your shitty little boring house? Yeah, I mean, I guess we, like, you've got the Wii, yeah? Like, did you want to play Wii? We could. It's just that, like, Wii hasn't been relevant for, like, ten years. So if you want, like, the nostalgia element, sure, but if you want a good game and a pool. I still think of the Wii as a new futuristic technology.

And it is, buddy. Yeah, it's so fun, isn't it? And they've got this at the home. It's like bowling, but on the TV, but it feels like you're bowling in real life. Yeah, you can do a little Wii Fit, step up on the little platform. That's fun. Ever wanted a machine to tell you you're obese?

Yeah. Because you are. Everybody is. Well, the characters on there don't have necks or arms. They've got hands. They've got little balls for hands. So, like, you sit on the little wee thing and it, like, has your little me and then you put in your height and everything that it weighs you and if you account it as obese, it gives you a little tummy.

Oh, that's great. And it's based on BMI, which is definitely real and should be taken. Yeah. It takes all the important health factors into account. Yeah. Not just two of them. It's all encompassing. That head.

Yeah. So you hold the two Wii remotes either side of your temple, and then it tells you how big your brain is. And then it makes your head big or small. Yeah. Elephants are geniuses on Wii. But they are obese. They are definitely you can get anything you need delivered with uber eats well almost almost anything so no you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs, mozzarella balls, and arancini balls?

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