Do Go On - 358 - The 1908 New York City to Paris Motor Race

Episode Date: August 31, 2022

After the success of the 1907 Peking to Paris Race (discussed in episode 348) an even more outrageous car race was organised, this is the wild story of the 1908 New York City to Paris Motor Race! We are joined by Sanspants Radio's Cass Paige and Joel Duscher!Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: dogoonpod.com or patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/ Check out our new merch! : https://do-go-on-podcast.creator-spring.com/Check out Cass and Joel's podcasts: https://www.sanspantsradio.com/ Stream our 300th episode with extra quiz (and 16 other episodes with bonus content): https://sospresents.com/authors/dogoonCheck out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​ Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasREFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:‘Race of the Century: The Heroic True Story of the 1908 New York to Paris Auto Race’ by Julie M Fensterhttps://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/paris-or-bust-the-great-new-york-to-paris-auto-race-of-1908-116784616/https://www.thegreatautorace.com/race.htmhttps://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/10/automobiles/10RACE.htmlhttps://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/story?id=132033&page=1 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amana, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Jess Perkins.

And as always, I'm here with Matt Stewart. Hello, Matt. Hey, Jess. So good to be here. Obviously, Dave is still missing. We continue our half-hearted search to find him. And we wish him well wherever he is in the world. Oh, we wish him all the best.

All the best. Dave, if you're listening, get in touch, little buddy. Yeah. If you want to. If you want to. Hey, no pressure. And also remember to get me a magnet from wherever you are. That'd be fantastic.

That's the rule. But Matt, we are not alone. Thank God, because that would end so badly. Dave left his two tiny shoes here. And we've got, because they're tiny in size, but they're large in spirits. That's right. So we've got two large spirited but small hooved guests today. It narrows down who we can get.

Yeah, doesn't it? Yeah. There was in the end only two that fit the bill. That's right. And they are Joel Dushu and Caspage from the Sandspan. Radio Network. Welcome. Oh, it's lovely to be in this here, shoe. I feel like Cinderella. Yeah, it's great to be here collectively. We could be known as Dave too. Yes. Yeah. Or New Dave, we will also answer to. New Dave. Yeah, I might just collectively refer to both of you as New Dave.

Yeah, that's right. And we respond. Yeah. In unison. Absolutely. Nothing creepy about that. Yeah, thank you so much for coming. Look, I mean, you're returned, guests. You guys know how this show works, but I'll explain how it does anyway. For new listeners. For new listeners who maybe you're like, who are this Matt and Jess? I wish they'd shut up. More Cass and Dusha. Who's Dave?

Should we be worried? No. No is the end. No. Everything's fine. Well, you love him, so you've let him go. Exactly. If he comes back, he was yours.

We're hoping that he'll come back. Because. Well, he hopes strong. Yeah. I mean, we'd be fine if he came back. We'd be all right with that. I'm not against the idea. Yeah, I'm not against him coming back.

You'd be medium on his return. Yeah, it has. It's been fun, though, to meet new people. It has been fun to meet new people. Speaking of new people, too returning gas. Yeah, exactly. We've had all strangers come on to replace him. That's not true.

We've gone for great friends and colleagues. Unlike Dave, bad friend, bad colleague. He's fucked off for six weeks. Here we are, trying to do everything. We didn't realize how much he did. He does so much. We are panicking nonstop. Please, Dave.

I'm so fucking tired, Dave. Dave. Dave. We're trying to play cool, but we need you, Dave. We need your tiny tush. New Dave's trying their best, but we can fit the shoes, but not the tush mold. Nobody can fit that tush. Anyway, how this show works is one of the three of us.

Dave's the third one, usually. We go away. We research a topic. usually suggested by a listener. We come back. We report to the other two and they sit quietly and listen respectfully

and we don't go on any silly riffs. And I'm excited to have four of us on the podcast today, a rare treat. So I might shut up a little bit as well. Yeah. And just let you guys enjoy. Yeah, that was my plan too. Okay.

I thought you were like, yeah, Jess. No. Yeah, Jess. No, no, no, no. Pop down. If anything less, Matt Morge, yes, I really don't want the three of you to shut up at all. Please, all, get involved.

We'll riffy to death. Good luck getting the story out. Yeah. Hey, that's how I want it to be. So normally we ask a question to get on topic. You three kind of know what the topic is already because it's a sequel to the last time you're here. But I'm going to ask another question just because there's still points up for grabs. Oh, yeah.

As far as we know, there is someone still keeping score on a Reddit thread somewhere or something. Yep. We just get an email update. every now and then saying, hey, here's the, yeah, here's the scores, yeah. That's what I assumed Reddit was, an email update every now and then. Oh, buddy. Are you gaslighting me around? I'm not gaslighting.

He doesn't know what gaslighting is. Okay. All right, so the question is, our names are bozzers. Just whoever starts talking. My, Jess's name is my buzzer. Question is. My buzzer is Dave. Okay, my buzzers is also Jess.

Question is, New York City is known as the Big Apple. What are three of? the common nicknames for Paris. These are the three that topped all the lists. I found all these listicles. Yes, that's one. Jay, Paris. No, you're out.

All right. Damn it. Cic. City of Lights. Yes. Oh. City of Light. Yep.

I'll pay that. La Baguette. Is that one? I think she was clearing her throat. Yeah. City of Love, City Lights. What else is there for us? They're all in English, these three as well.

Is it another city of? It's not a city of. I'm going to throw it over in a douche with a clue. It's also the nickname of one of Melbourne's famous shopping centres. Oh, the fashion capital. The fashion capital. Oh, that's good. I never would have got that.

Can you believe that Chatson ripped it off? I thought that was Milan. Yeah, I was think of Milan as the fashion capital. Milan is where it's happening. Yeah. I'll never let go of the fact that Chadston gave themselves that title. So good. That's like their tagline.

What do you call yourself? You can pick. What are you calling yourself? Fashion capital. Yeah. I think. See, I call myself the city of love. Yeah, yeah.

I get that. I get that. It's a vibe I'm radiating constantly. I'll be a fashion lowercase. I don't have the time. Yeah, yeah. That's good. I'm so busy.

That's good. The fashion casual. Oh, that's better. That's so much better. Damn. Unfortunately, he's clever like mad. He's locked in lowercase. Yeah, and the fashion lowercase.

Oh, well. So on episode 3-48 when Jess was away, we had Doucher and Cass come in and hear about the 1907 peaking to Paris Motor Race. This week we're doing the sequel about the 1908 New York to Paris Motor Race. Dusha sort of alluded to it. I don't know how much I knew about it. And I think you knew a little bit about it and you mentioned at the end of that episode. Yeah, so I actually said this to you off mic, but I'll repeat it to the audience. It's important that you give context.

Yeah, yeah, so we have heard this before. BTS. Yeah, this is, just so they know that we knew. Yeah, we knew. So you knew, and now the listeners know, and now they're also getting a peek behind the curtain, but we did start talking before we hit record. This is something they teach you in radio, but obviously not at Sand's pants. You don't have to let people know that you spoke about it off air first.

No, definitely not. Yeah, it's a waste of time and words. Yeah, yeah. But what you should do if someone does do that. You use that information to your advantage. So if somebody was just like, oh, yeah, I've just come from Milan, the fashion capital. On air, you'd be like, and where have you come from? Yeah.

And they go, I've come from. Oh, amazing. Yeah, it's more efficient. Totally. Yeah. But do she doesn't know. Makes for better radio and entertainment. You've got to make sure you're not saying things that don't need to be said.

Yeah, yeah. That's right. At Sand Spence, I just simply teach us to Zig when the people are expecting you to zag. So therefore, it's constantly causing conflicts. Yeah. Yeah. You threw to me because you knew I'd already answered this. I alluded the.

It was great, great podcasting. But I think the most important thing is that I told everyone about that and we're still talking about it now. That's right. That's true. We're on topic and that's rewarding for every listener. So back to your question, Matt. As I did answer before. It's giving me no chance to edit that last minute of bullshit out.

I would say that I probably out of 10 know this story. between a one and a 1.5. Okay. So I just knew that it happened and that I think my knowledge of it ranged from reading like reading that a race happened and me thinking that's a long distance and seems like a bad idea. Did they have cars in 1908? Yeah, probably. Wow, I don't know history and then moved on. Yeah, right.

I like that reading about a car race and being like, wait, did cars exist? Hmm. Probably. Hmm. Yeah. That's a nice thing. Racing them. It makes a thing to Google, but I won't.

So this is the year after the peaking to Paris. Yes, it's the following year. They were like great idea round two. Yeah, let's do that again. So this was suggested by Travis Alexander from Gulfport in Mississippi in the United States. Kendrick Doob or Jube from Hanover in Germany, Alana Antunes from Brampton, I'm not sure where, and Karen Brayheimer from Portland.

I just like to personally say thank you to every single one of those people. Yes. I mean, I'm always surprised by how great our listeners names are. Kendrick Jube. Oh, my God. That's really good stuff. Yeah. Holy frickin hell.

Someone's got clever parents. Yeah. Yes. So you might have noticed that both of these races finished in Paris. Yeah, city of love, city of lights, fashion capital. That's right. That's where you want to end a race. Then you can find love, see some lights and get a new fit.

Yeah. And this is because France was really at the center of the world's automaking in the early 1900s. Do you think of France? You think of cars? Big time. That's why it should be called the fashion carpital. That's what I would have done. That's what I would have done.

That's what I would make way more things. If they're the fashion carpital, why not start there? Yeah. Wouldn't you want to get a good car from Gay Paris? Wait, Grand Prix. Three is a French term, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, the grand pricks.

Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I guess I'd never actually put two and two together. Yeah, I didn't either. I think of Germany and his cars. And America. Australia, Ford v. Holden. Bathurst. Mount Panorama.

Rocky King of the Mountain. Dick Johnson. Any chance to bring him up? All of this came up in the last episode. Yeah, great. Which I've just been listening to try and catch up. Is it good to live the episode now? It's fun.

Yeah. Well, Dick Johnson definitely had Cascoe. That's two penises. That was fun. Yeah. That, all that was going through my head. I think anyways. I think I've said this.

People haven't heard it. Yeah, definitely listen to 348 first. Yeah. As Jess has just done. And you get to hear what just happened then again. But in the past, it all makes sense. It would be so fun. So, in France, the idea of city to city races was very popular.

Julie M. Fenster has written a great book of. about the event called Race of the Century, the heroic true story of the 1908 New York to Paris auto race. So they just completely discounted the one before. They're like, eh. Yeah, because I personally, I mean, this one is a longer bowl to race, but I think the 907 peaking to Paris was a better romp. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Higher romp factor. Yes. But, I mean, it's also good. So yeah, Frace of the Century, huge call. Calling it heroic is also good, because it's a lot. It's like, these drivers are heroes for volunteering to do this thing they didn't have to do. Yeah, exactly. The benefits them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Heroes. Yeah, and really it benefits the car industry. And I think a lot of people now go, oh, cars being dominant around the world, maybe isn't the best thing, but. Me, what do you want to do? Go back to horse and car. Yeah. Kind of.

Original horsepower. Actually, that would be sick. Yeah. Have you seen Brendan Fraser's horse? It's freckily, it's a beautiful beast. His name is Petchus, which is. Spanish for freckles? Oh, it's so cute.

What a, what a freaking steed, that is. Man, I hope someone describes me as a freaking steed one day. Anyway, according to Fenster, in these early 1900s city-to-city races in France, competitors drove at a frantic pace from one point to another, from Paris to the city of Bordeaux, for example, in some of the most sizzling race action ever seen. It is a great sentence. I will also say Bordeaux, great word.

Oh, yeah. Anytime something is like a dark red, I describe it as a Bordeaux. And it amplifies my conversation. Yeah. I feel like it makes me a better person to talk to. It takes it up a notch. Like, audibly aesthetically, if I'm like, oh, I love your shoes. Like, can I grab one in the Bordeaux, please?

Oh, shut up. Yeah, I love that. But don't, please keep talking. Yeah. It's better than like, oh, the wine-colored one. Is that, does it come in Bordeaux? Bordeaux. Oh, that's good. Fencer continues.

French roads were exceptionally good due to the country's mild weather and engineering tradition, so drivers lived the dream of going as fast as they wanted or could over varied terrain. City of roads, they don't call it for that for no reason. That's right. Auto races were hailed as pioneers

for going 30 or even 40 miles per hour. Jesus Christ. But 19th century cows, dogs and pedestrians proved less successful in facing traffic at those speeds. Race fans enthusiastically judged city-to-city races, according to the average miles per hour of the winner. Everyone else, however, judged each race by how many bystanders had been killed along the way.

What? Yeah, that's how we should judge everything. What's the body count? Is it golf rules? Well, yeah, I guess. I mean, oh, it depends. It depends. Yeah, imagine if it was.

basketball rules. Two points for every day. Three if it was a long range step. From downtown. From the perimeter. Yeah, that's a grim factor, I reckon. Yeah, that is, it is tricky to figure out if it would be goalful basketball rules, though, because if it is, because look, if you distance yourself from the loss of human life,

if lots of people die, it is, I would say, again, not personally, but that does add an excitement factor. to like 10 people died, 100 people died, my God, what a race. So it's bowling rules. There's a pedestrian on an either side of the road.

They're like, how are we going to get fled to spare here? You got to drift around. Yeah, that's drifting. Only the most skilled drivers are okay. Anyway, unsurprisingly, France outlawed these city-to-city

races within its borders. which is why racetrack racing came into vogue. Just in case the marks are picking up those power tools. I reckon they might be at this point. Yeah, it was a bit more subtle before. We're in the new Stubildo's studio and finishing touches are happening. We were told it would be a quiet day in here today, which I guess it's all relative.

Well, it is. Like the power tools are not in this room. No. They're not even on this floor of the building. It's like upstairs immediately above us. In terms of being in an active construction zone, yeah, this is pretty quiet. Yeah, this is bad.

I listen to podcasts all the time where the hosts talk about noises that you can't hear. So I'm always like, will they pick it up? But yeah, that is pretty bad. That one I think, maybe. Because I'm sitting next to you and when that goes, sometimes I can't quite hear you. And the couch we're sitting on is moving from the vibration. That bit I'm okay with.

We started on the other side of the room. Having our own race. God, we miss Dave. Yeah, we've found that we get a bit looser without Dave. He's in some sort of anchor point. Dave is down. Dave never stared for this. We missed you, Dave come back, please.

Dave knows where to end silly. Yeah. And we don't always know where they're going to end silly. Yeah, you've invited two terrible guests if you want to tone down the silly. There is something at work known as the douchea goodbye Which do you know about this? Oh yeah I do. I imagine, yeah.

On another podcast. Which is, you know, where if, so Joel will go to say goodbye to someone and then you might come into the room 15 minutes later is still there. You might be out the door with his bag. I found out what the douchea goodbye was because I was told that I did it. Oh, okay. You're in trouble. You need a Dave.

We need a Dave. A little tush won't save you now. We got two feet in the shoes. In that exact instance, I'm the, I'm the anti-ducia in that. I'm a hero out the door. Yeah. I respect that greatly. Yeah, I can't do it.

Can't do it. I understand. Cass and I once got stuck saying goodbye to each other for nearly two hours and it was just us too. Yeah, we got stuck in a loop. I think maybe once, was it, once during COVID, we ended a Zoom work call and we got stuck on the Zoom for two more. That's amazing.

It was pretty good. It's nice to catch up. Yeah, you have a nice chat by the sounds of it. Yeah, you just stand in a doorway or on the Zoom call. Yeah, holding your bag, holding the keys in your hand. Hovering over the end call button. Yeah, the whole time. Anyway, yeah.

Get a bit of RSI. Anyway, Matt, I'll be a Dave. Do go on. Oh, thank you so much. So, yeah, so unsurprisingly, Francis outlawed these races. The body counts were getting too high. they're like, let's try this new idea, these tracks, which as we learned, and the last episode,

the first one was in Melbourne. Whoa. It was in Morde Alec or something, I think. Yeah. So, yeah, these racetrack races came into vogue. And this is what the Parisian newspaper, Le Mata, was railing against when it's set up and sponsored the Peking to Paris race in 1907.

In 1908, Le Mata was ready to sponsor an even bigger race That's when they paired up with the New York Times to sponsor this one. It's funny that looking at the 1907 race, they're like, fuck, great call everyone. Let's do it again, but bigger. This is, Jurassic Park would happen. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's not, the future is, it's exciting. I'll tell you that.

But I guess if previous to 1907, everyone was just dying all the time, every time they've raced a car. In 1907, everything went wrong and there was no deaths. Maybe I guess it was a step up. Like, I didn't even realize that. Like, if you're measuring races on how many people die, and then in 1907 you go cross-continent in a car and no one dies, you're like, this must be the future of racing.

Yeah, if you're playing golf rules, yeah, that's like an impossible round. What, do you score zero? Whoa! Didn't take a single shot. Lime. It just kept going in the hole. The wind blew it from the first tee into the first hole, into the second tea,

and kept running after it. We should have my camera on me. It was crazy. I know we're doing great, but I'd like to be involved. I'd love a swing. Greg Norman's running a day. Wait, did this still count for me? So, yeah, so Le Mata, the Prisian newspaper,

They heard the idea from one of the guys who ends up in the race, so I'll talk about soon. And they're like, yeah, great idea. This is outrageous. Let's do it. And then after hearing about it a bit, the New York Times, like, we want to be involved in this as well. Even back then, it was meant to be like a bit more of a serious newspaper.

And they normally wouldn't create their own news like this, which is basically what's going on. They're like, we're going to make this event and then report on it every day for months, which was a bit tacky and tabloid. but it's like I pulled it off. We're still talking about it now. Yeah.

My God. According to Karen Abbott, who I'll mention it. She wrote an article for the Smithsonian, which a lot of the people who suggested it said this is a good article on it. So I quote her quite a bit. And she wrote,

the proposed route would take the drivers across the United States, including through areas with very few paved roads, and then head north through Canada, then through Alaska. She and a lot of the other resources said turn left at Alaska. I think the book, she wrote that in the book, Fencer wrote that in the book and everyone's just quoted it. I'm like, you mean go west?

Left. It's so weird a turn left. What if they're coming in from a different angle or something? Turn left. But I've seen Alaska. I guess it depends on where you're standing. But to me, left is the ocean. Yes. Oh, well, yeah, that's, that's, that's, that was probably the most audacious part of this, of this idea of the race.

So, yeah, they turn left at Alaska. Okay, if you see Alaska, turn left. If you hit the ocean, you've gone too far. No, but you know, there's that, there's, at the smallest part, you'll get to the Bering Strait, the smallest gap between Alaska and Russia. and the races organized started the race in winter so that the cars could drive over the frozen water connecting North America to Russia

Yeah, that I think was the 0.5 of the 1.5 I knew I knew that driving on ice was involved Right. Which seems... Driving on ice means something different now. A lot of truck drivers Ice truckers. Yes.

Yeah. Ice truckers. Yeah. That's what you mean. Yeah. You can watch it on 7 mate. Yeah. I love 7 mates. My favorite truckers. Shows about it. My favorite channel. I love seven mates.

Made just for me and the boys. My. What's the girl channel? Well, there's... Gem. Lots of renovation shows on Gem. There's 10 peach. Fucking love it.

10 peach. Yeah. The only thing of 9 life. Am I? Which is the Renault show channel, which I love. I love. I love. You know my favorite show is house hunters.

Preferably international. Well, that's handy for you because that's on... At all times. Yeah. Every day. I know. So amazingly, the initial idea for this race was to travel from New York to Paris without the use of a boat. Firstly, if you think of New York to Paris, you go, oh, you mean heading east.

That's the sort of the quickest route. But that's all ocean. Yeah. It's like, no, no, we're going the long way, the land way. Oh, they're still watered across. No, we're going to wait until it freezes. Oh. Briefly and theoretically.

Yeah. Because when I think ocean, I don't think it's frozen unless I'm thinking, top of the globe or bottom of the globe, the ice caps. If I'm thinking frozen bitter ocean, I'm like, but not all the way down. Like that's just a little shell in the Cadbury cream egg of the globe.

That's right. That's so easy to crack open. That's the creme brulee. It is, you know? It might feel firm, but just a little tap of a spoon. We'll crack it. Simply a tap will shatter it.

These are cars. Goofy deliciousness. I don't know. It's so good. So anyway, we've crossed the bearings straight. Oh, they did it. No, no, this is. Oh, we've crossed it.

Hypothetically. We've covered it. Oh, imagine. Yeah, they're pretty much on the home straight now. So they crossed it, that was fine. Nothing happened. Nothing happened. No one died.

We were boring. In fact, no names are even listed. It just went well. It just went well. And everyone had a good time. Not really noteworthy in many ways. I'm not talking about it. Everyone does it now.

They're driving across ice. Ice it is only partially ice because it, obviously, like, they're either on icebergs which can float or it's frozen connecting. But cars are hot. Cars are hot and they have hot coming out the back of them. Which means ice is going to make the car stop working or the cars are going to make the ice stop working. Yeah. They're natural enemies.

It's the hot and the cold. Aren't they? God, isn't that beautiful? Cass, you're getting bogged down in someone. They just, they get across it. Sorry, I missed it. Somehow they're going to get across it. And Abbott continues.

From there, the course led through Siberia, so it gets easier. Oh, yeah. Through areas that no one had ever traveled by car. Yeah. I mean, how hard can it be? Where we're going. we won't need no roads or whatever that quote is. Great Scott.

Before heading into the final stretch where it gets a little easier. Moscow, St. Petersburg, Berlin and Paris. The further they go, the better the roads get. Yeah. Overall, 22,000 miles. Jesus Christ. 35,000 Ks. Oof.

A trek in an age when the horse was considered more reliable than the horseless carriage, which is what cars were known at the time. A horseless carriage. So they were saying a horse would be better To cross the ocean Horses can swim They can swim I think

Horses can swim No Yeah Really? Yeah How? I appreciate it It's like little

sticks under a potato How would you do that? I thought that horses Swam Kind of like a dog swims Yeah I'm thinking I've seen horses in water But it's probably them crossing

Rivers where they can walk Yeah maybe it's more like A hippo swims Which is just walk on the bottom of the Yeah, yeah. But hippos have little chunky legs. Like, I feel like a hippo's leg would push a fair amount of water back, whereas a horse I feel would just slashed through the water.

Where are you have sea horses? Yeah. Oh, that's where we're wrong. Damn it. I'm going to just go to good can horses swim, but probably what I'm thinking of is them walking through rivers that are not as tall as them. Yeah. I thought waters were scared of horse.

You know what. Waters are scared of horse. Yeah, yeah. You can take a water at a horse, but you can't make it not inferior at cats, Kath. First thing is, can cats are scared of water, right? Can horses swim? The next thing is can horses eat bananas? So obviously I'll be looking that up next to.

Okay, yep. The answer is yes, horses can indeed swim. In fact, they're actually very competent swimmers due to their huge lungs, which enable them to naturally float. Oh, there you go. That's sick. I was focusing on the wrong bit. I was thinking if the kickers, not the floaters.

And they, just by instinct, when they hit sort of deep water where they, their hands, their hands, their hooves aren't on the bottom of a river, they instinctively, like, they do like a paddle, which isn't too dissimilar to a trotting action. Oh. So they paddle like dogs, you know it. Gorgeous. Now, can they eat bananas?

Yes. Let's have a look. Can horses eat bananas? Almost any fruits and many vegetables are safe treats for healthy horses. Apples and carrots are traditional favorites. You can safely offer your horse raise. raisins, grapes, bananas, strawberries, cantaloupe, or other melons. So, yeah.

Big melon fans. Do you right? I think when an animal gets bigger, more food is allowed. I was looking up, there was a possum I was trying to become friends with. It kept trying to jump into my room, but I didn't want that, but I wanted it to still like me. Yeah. It kept slamming into my bedroom window trying to get in, which was not good. No, that's scary.

But trying to look up what I could feed them and I found like something from Hillsville Sanctuary, and they were like, okay, one almond every three days. They're too small. They can't handle a lot of extra food. But if you get too small, then they can eat anything again. Rats, ants. Oh, it's because they can only have one little nibble. They're like, oh, I couldn't possibly have any more.

That's what the rats in my house say. So, you're saying bigger the animal, not only large a variety of food they can eat, but also quantity. Quantity of treat more similar to that of a human. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're learning so much today. Anyway, back to the horseless carriages. Oh, that's right. That's why we got into horses.

So the New York to Paris race was supposed to be and is still largely considered the greatest race of all time. Even surpassing the prior years peaking to Paris competition in which the winner, Italian Prince Shipione Borgesi, who enlisted donkeys and mules to pull his car and sipped oily water from its radiator to relieve his thirst. His reward, as discussed in episode 348, was a magnum of champagne. Yeah, so, and I can't help but feel that maybe, I mean, I mean, the distance definitely plays a huge part. Yeah. But I also think what plays a big part in it,

that an American's involved in this one. Yeah. And it starts in New York. And, you know, the internet, everything is, you know, all the stuff I'm reading from is American source and stuff. So it's more relevant to them as well. Yeah. And that's why I think this is the more famous of the races.

Because like I say, I think the peaking race, like babies were saved and all sorts of wild things happen. A man scammed his way into coming second. Oh, the greatest, that is the best thing I've ever heard. That man is, he, we need to study him. Yeah. Well, you're going to hear about him again soon. What?

He's back! Oh my God, I'm excited. Have you heard of like modern day stuff like on TikTok is getting big? They're talking about like being a siren and tapping into dark femininity and they're like, you're on a, I'm on a weird side of TikTok. They're like, women, take your power back. You can do this look and then anyone will fall for you. And it's like, I feel like it's the same thing of trying to pull the Goddard.

But they're just reframing it. I think it's just confidence. Yeah, they're like essentially what it is. People being like when Marilyn Monroe could do that thing where she could turn it on and people would notice her and she could turn it off. They're like, I can do that. I can teach you. Download my e-book at $30.

They just want to be Goddard. Everyone wants to be Goddard. Now the test, if that works or not is, did you buy the book? Not yet. Well, if you didn't buy the book. How alluring were they? Yeah, they clearly didn't turn it on for the TikTok. No.

Which is either a big mistake or they're full of shit. Imagine they do, oh, yeah, should I ever turn it on for that shit? Yeah. That's embarrassing, isn't it? I mean, I did watch a lot of the TikToks just being like, I just want to know a bit more about it. I'm not going to do it. Yeah. Oh, did they get me?

Seems like they did. To put the undertaking in perspective, just how ridiculous it was, a New York importer at the time named Carlton Mabley said, the cars will have to climb mountains. several times to an altitude of over 10,000 feet and drop down the sides of Mount ranges on passes and roads that are well nigh impassable even to the shore-footed beast of burden. The drivers will have to go through rivers which in many cases will completely cover the wheels and flooring of the car and the motor will have to do its work at a temperature of 100 degrees as well as at 50 below zero. That's in Fahrenheit's.

otherwise I would be dead, I guess. Yeah, but if that's in Fahrenheit, that's going very low, right? I think it's a weird system. Let me just check what that means. Because 50 below Fahrenheit, I think, is... Their zero is an L zero. Yeah, no, yeah. I had to learn that, sorry.

Yeah, negative 50 is negative 45, so it's pretty similar. Yeah. Wow, that's super cold. And 100... That's jelly. Bring a jacket, guys. 137. So not that hot, but very hot to be.

in a car with a primitive car. Yeah. I'm starting to think that horses, like I agree now, could you ride a horse across a river? If horses can swim and they float. If they're swimming, can you be on them? Yeah.

I mean, that's how people cross rivers. Horses. Do you have any bananas at the moment? No, I got to dangle it in front of the horse. And it'll be like, oh, people ride horses across rivers. You can lead a horse to water with a banana, but can you make it swim across

with you on its back as the old adage goes. Yeah. Yeah. We never got to the bottom of that. No. Um, while this journey today would be incredibly tough back then, it was seen as suicidal. American congressman Jefferson M. Levy said, man can overcome nature to a certain point. Beyond that, he is helpless. The difficulties of the proposed race are so great that I doubt if human beings can surmount them.

He's like, it's, I don't think this is even possible. A lot of people going to. this is ridiculous. They opened up for people to apply and it got attention but everyone was like that's a funny idea. Yeah, wow. Obviously we won't do it and some car companies are like they said yeah, we're going to do it. Then the papers would write them up and then they'd be like, we're obviously not going to do it. They just get the free publicity and that kept happening over and over. That's crazy. Could you imagine if we announced a big race and then we had like a very high politician released like some sort of eloquent statement to the same thing.

Yeah. That must have been very big. Do we have an eloquent politician at the moment? Not at the moment, not ATM. But, you know, there's another election in a few years. Yeah, we can dream. Only a handful of people had been able to even cross the United States in a car at that point.

And none of them had done so in winter, which is when this race. of course was occurring because they needed that ice this was the time they picked the hardest time

to do this race just so they could The ocean would be frozen The ocean would be frozen and they could drive across it This is

just like Did anyone actually think the race was going to happen at this point? I reckon probably from Paris You know where they're

making all these calls Yeah The committee's over there They probably don't fully understand it. They just did this race the year before that went through Siberia. Actually, it was even months before because all this talk was happening in 907 still. So that were pretty quick on to it. They're like, that was great.

Let's go again. That was unreal. Not everyone was like that. Borghazy, the guy who won the last race was like, fuck that. I'm never doing anything like that again. Fuck that and fuck you for asking you. I would honestly, I would deter you from having a crack at this. If it's too good for a prince, it's too good for you.

Yeah. And apparently Italy wanted another racer, so they're going around going, well, last year we won with this prince. So they're going around asking all these noblemen and stuff. And they're like, no. No way. Probably going to just stick around and eat these Italian feasts. Yeah. I think I'm busy that year.

Go get fucked. Yeah. Let me just check with my secretary. Yeah, no, she says I can't. And fuck you. about that yeah not my words sorry I'll have a word

yeah performance bit of an attitude sleeper a hondo good good thank you I love you so the race was to kick off on a snowy

winter's mornings as it turned out on February 2nd 1908 from Times Square in New York City Does every car this time have a roof because that was something

that didn't happen last time no Perfect. Yeah, smart. That would be crazy, pulling up at the first thing and just having snow falling onto your lap being like, ooh, should we have... None of them had hard roofs anyway.

Some of them had like canvas sort of covers. Well, canvas would have stopped snow, but then when the snow melted, that would not have stopped the water. Yeah, that would suck. Also, they hadn't figured out glass technology for windshield. It was seen as dangerous to have a windshield because glass did.

didn't like, you know, now it'll shatter in a safe way, then it would shatter into shards. Ah. So they're like, it's not a good idea to have a glass. So there were no windshields. Just have whatever hit you hit you. Yeah. That's why racing goggles and stuff were a thing, I guess. That makes sense.

But one of the cars did have a leather windshield. Oh, which didn't go, only went up to chest height. So it shielded the wind, but not there, it didn't block their vision at least. So they just would have been, I would have been, I would. imagine they'd be getting blasted almost a harder with the top bit of wind, right? Because it's bouncing off the little slope. It was like just sitting there straight into their face. Yeah, it was angled right into their face.

There was a gap from either side. It was funneling it directly into their eyes. It's kind of flapping a bit. Did, um, do you, I never knew this. I don't know, this might be obvious. It might be funnish. But do you know where Times Square got its name? I did, I don't.

I don't know. I didn't realize either. This is from Fenster's book. Times Square wasn't yet a theater district like it is now. Was it billboards? It wasn't all billboards. At the time, it was all hotels and there was only one skyscraper there, the New York Times building. And that's where it got its name.

Oh. So the newspaper, that was where it was headquartered. So Times Square is short for New York Times. That's... That makes sense. Yeah, that's a very sensible answer. Yeah. That's the kind of thing is like, why would we know?

Yeah. That's just like a such a famous place. Good to know. Good for trivia. Because you know, I retain everything we talk about on the podcast. Oh, you simply must. That will serve me well in the future.

Yeah. Yeah. You have the very normal experience of people who've listened to the show, reference something you've said, and you remember everything. I remember everything. It's not confusing at all when people say, remember when you said this and you think,

are you gaslighting me? Yeah. Are you gaslighting me? And then they say, that's not gaslighting. I don't know what gaslighting is. Like a lot of these old-timey events, Even though they're quite famous, every article you read has conflicting information. Yeah, good stuff.

So, you know, I'm picking and choosing a little bit. You got to. There were, you know, about all, there's all these entrants coming and going. A lot of them never really being serious, apparently. But according to Jerry Garrett, writing for the time. That's a trustworthy name. Jerry Garrett. And he wrote an article for the New York Times.

Yeah, that's fair. You know. I have not done that. No, and I wouldn't trust you as far as I can throw you. Yeah, that's thrown off. Yet is also very important. That's true. So according to him,

13 cars rented, but only 6 arrived at the starting line 7 when no shows. Ghosted. Of the six cars, three were from France. Could have been 13. But it was 6. But it was 6.

I'm happier with 6 and 13. Yeah, half D. Yeah. Just an even number. Or a BD. BD. Yeah. HD or BD?

B. What's the Bakers? BD. 13. Got it. Got it. Got it. G. HD. HD. H.D. Half does. Yep, I got it. H.D. Please. So of the six cars, three were from France. Makes sense. They made up half the race. That was, they were the ones who liked the idea. Yeah. They wanted to go home. Yeah. And then, you know, it's fun to have to catch a ship. Yeah. To the starting line. It's fun to leave the finish line to go to the start. to then immediately go back to the finish line. Yeah. In the slowest possible way. Yeah.

One was from Germany, one from Italy and one from the United States. I reckon, though, maybe there is some logic to that because then when you finish the race, you're home. That's true. You don't have to then travel home and you're already exhausted. You know, you're already home. So you just like get an Uber back to your apartment and go to bed. Or you cross the finish line and just keep driving and then park and then get out and you just live. Thanks, guys.

See you. Cheers. Maybe that's the point of holidays. Like we get so far away so. way so that we've got a good journey home. Oh, yeah, it's all about the journey, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, I'm probably when this comes out, I'm on holiday.

Yeah. And I cannot wait for the flight home. Yeah. That's the, I'm just killing time. You get there day one, you're like, oh, home in a week. Yeah. Couldn't come soon enough, am I right? I'm not, what?

Can't wait to relax. The perfect length holiday is when you're a little bit looking forward to home at the end. Yeah, yeah. You're not dying to get home, but you're like, oh, there's a few things that I'm looking for to doing, like. Flying in my bed. Fuck, I love my bed. Apparently it's very good for your brain to be bored.

Is it? Very good. I think that's why you have your good ideas in the shower because your brain can actually go, ah, and like go gooey and nice, and then it'll like tickle itself into having cool ideas. Which is why you're most creative. The younger generation,

I say this as someone older than a boomer. That's why the younger generations just are lazy. Yeah. We love our TikTok. They don't want to work. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, yeah, et cetera.

It's because they don't get bored. They're always on their bloody phones. Yeah. And I'm looking at three of them right now. Oh, blah, blah, blah, blah. I've been text my tick shocks. I got a thing. What me do it, man.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Gen Z. Gen Z. Yeah, and I hate everyone older than me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's responsible to hate anyone older than you. I can't be bored, which means I have no new ideas.

I saw a month or so back I saw this great Twitter thread, which is what old people use is social media. I know Be Real. Someone had collated all these newspaper articles going back a decade or more at a time with the quote, no one wants to work anymore going back into the 1800s. It's just been something that the older generation has always said about the younger generation, the same as they're lazy and they don't respect their elders.

And all those things. They've just been, and it's so funny that we just keep repeating the same things. Yeah. And you hear it when you're a kid, right? Yeah. And you go, that's ridiculous. And then you get old and then you say it about the younger generation. Like, how do you not remember how annoying that was?

They do the same thing. You can also go back and search for articles of people talking about how media is getting too short. Like people saying people like, people are. aren't reading books anymore. They're only reading articles in the journal. They're going to get stupid and oh, people aren't reading journal articles anymore. They're reading magazine articles and they're getting shorter too and people are becoming stupid and our attention spans getting too short and people are Twitter and now they're gone at vines and they're TikToks and they're too short. No one's watching the video essays anymore. They're just watching the clickbait videos. We always say it. And I think it's

cool that we're becoming more efficient and we shed a lot of what we need. Will it kill us? Absolutely. I think we're destined to die. But we'll do it so quick. Yeah, yeah, we'll do it efficiently. Yeah. And that's important. Blass our cells into the sun precisely. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It is true as time goes on. Our life expectancy has short, hasn't it? Yeah, famously. It does make sense. They're right. It has definitely all that stuff. But if we're becoming so much more efficient, our lives are getting so much longer.

Oh, man, look at what we're packing in. Look how many TikToks you could pack into a life. So many. Maybe by the end of our lives we'll get bored and find the meaning of life. We'll finally get bored enough to relax and have a thought. I love that we haven't got to the start of the race yet. No!

So we've got three French cars, one German, one Italian and one American. And a partridge in a pear tree. Apparently the British didn't have any interest in the race. They had a bunch of their own races over there. We've got cups of tea to drink. Thank you so much. We're too busy visiting the king. Hello, King.

Good day, peasants I'm okay, see it tomorrow They do it every day Yeah, it's important It's cute though Good morning, Big Ben I can't see Big Ben From the streets

Not from the streets of Paris How could I be expected to live? The Bell, not the Tower So, Cass, that was pretty imperative Yeah Big Ben is the bell Yeah Big Ben is the bell of the tower

Yeah, the tower's actually called something else What's it called? Big clock. Big clock. Benjamin. Yeah. whatever, I think it was the fenced-a-book, she's like, and they had no real desire to drive from anywhere to France.

Sure, that makes sense. So representing France was a de dillon, which you might recall from the last episode. There were two de dions in the last one. A motobloch and a caeser nudin. One of the persons's name was motorblock? One of the cars' name. Motobloch.

The German entrance was a protos. The Italian was a Zust. I'm possibly not saying any of these right. I can you've nailed all of them. You're 100% so far. The American was a Thomas Flyer. I'm not sure about that one. Yeah, it was Americans.

Thomas Flyer. Let's talk about the contestants. Firstly, a couple of names you'll remember from the Peking to Paris race were involved again. Do you recall August Pons? I do. I do. In 9-107 he drove the three-wheeler contal.

It didn't make it out of the goby desert. That's right. It's the one. Dropped him early. He had this theory that light or lower-powered vehicles that were the best for these long-distance races. But that meant he didn't have a lot of the stuff that he needed, right? He wasn't very much.

And was he the one that was basically going to die along with the car and then was rescued by some locals? Yeah. But obviously, you know, obviously light cars are not the way to go. Heavy. Or did he go, hmm, there's mountains this time. Lighter cars, upper mountain, desert, bad mountain, light car, three wheels, let's go again. He stuck with a light one cylinder car, but he did add a fourth wheel.

Oh, huge. All right. Imagine the egg on our face if he wins. I know. And we're like, look at this fucking idiot. One gallon car, dickhead. Oh, he thinks four wheels is going to be, that's going to be the kicker that fixes him. And then he just has a smooth ride and we're like, oh.

Oh, never mind. Okay. So he drove the Césaire Nordin. It sounds like it was an upgrade, but only a slight upgrade. Garrett described the ride as tiny and ill-prepared. Okay, ill-prepared doesn't fill me with a lot of hope for... It's given the game away a little bit. I'm going to...

Old mate, Pons. That was fully Pons as M.O., though, wasn't it? He's like, yeah, I'm the ill-equipped guy. That's what I'm famous for. I'm scrappy. Why wouldn't you just be like, oh, I'm so lucky those locals found me. Not going to be that silly again. Yeah, the guy who won was like that.

Yeah. And this guy who nearly died is like, I'll have another crack. Yeah. I'll go again. If you were nearing death in the most improbable scenario you could have fathomed and you just get, I don't know, like, Deus S. Mackin it out of there. He was like, yeah. You're like, well, God's my, I'm God's favorite.

I can't die. I'm invincible. Yeah. If you're already a believer, that would just confirm it. Yeah, you're right. Also, what are the chances of it happening again, even if you do. put yourself in exactly the same situation. I know.

You've got four wheels this time. It can't go wrong. Yeah, you've got a whole extra wheel. Yeah. That's 33% more wheel. Yeah. And many, many thousand miles more to travel. I just, well, yeah, that's why he's got an extra wheel.

That's what the extra wheels were. If the car hadn't have broken down, he would have made it. Yeah. So he was pretty much fine. Yeah. It's just the car breaking down, which won't happen again. No. What are the chances?

He certainly won't make any comical mistakes right off the bat. Oh no. Oh no. I left my keys at home. Wait, I was meant to put petrol in this thing? He's left the car at home. He's walking for ages before we realised. Just clicking a little key being like,

has anybody seen it? I just, you had that feeling you've forgotten something. Oh, it's the car. These other cars are really fast. He took to the boat all the way to the starting line and then he was just patting around his pockets. The car's gone. The car's gone.

I drank the petrol. Hang on. I've got my backpack. So I was in the garage, all right. And I started walking out the door. And see where I've gone off. There it is. All right.

Can we pause the race room? Give me like two months. I'll be back. So we have Pons. Then we have the great man Charles Goddow. Oh, he's back. Yeah. No way.

And I... Fresh out of jail? Yes. Yes. I think I called him Dutch in the last episode, which I confused with because his car was Dutch. but he was actually a Frenchman so apologies to

I didn't get to the end of it he went to jail yes he got just he got pulled out of his car pretty much right towards the end of the race incredible and he broke out of jail

and almost made it back into the car to be to finish second because he got right to the end and wanted to finish the race himself but he was an absolute mad dog a true badass I love this guy

so he busted out of a and went directly to the starting line? Yeah, he was just, yeah, a con man, a vagabond. I've just listened to the part where... Dush of tell in love with him. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm up to, I'm listening to it, I'm up to the part where they were stuck in the desert and somebody said, we'll go to the next town and send back some petrol.

Petrol doesn't come for two days. Yeah. He walks off because his journalist is dying. He's like, I've got to go get help. He comes back two hours later with an army of. two hours it took him Incredibles And at that point in the

In the last episode Dusha was already Very much in love with him Yeah it happened The moment that he sold all of his spare parts To I can't remember what he used that money for Just to fund his journey Oh yeah

He sold all the spare parts To get to the start of the race Yeah he had a lot of luck Will his luck Continue in this race He just needs to do one more impressive thing And he's my guy this race as well Yeah great

I mean the fact he got out of jail To do this race I'm already pretty won over. So he got out of jail, but then he went to jail because he conned his way and he owed a lot of money. He fraudulgently borrowed money. So he got out, but he paid those debts. Having some success in that race did his reputation as a car man a lot of good. And he got investors to back him.

And his new company was called Motoblock. Oh, as made famous by earlier in this episode. That's cool. I would have called them the Goddardmobiles personally. Yeah, nice. God Squad. God Squad. We're part of the God Squad.

So he's again in debt to his investor. Of course he is. Yes. But obviously his plan was to win this race. I love Goddard and I love the skin of his teeth because that skin has held on so hard. He just gets out of jail becomes weirdly successful enough and it's like I'm on the cheese again. Yeah. But he's like, yeah, he's always like, oh, the next.

The next thing will pay for the last thing. I admire that in other people because I give up so quickly. Like, I would never even contemplate doing this race. Yeah, the reward of this is just a brutally awful time. This whole race for all of them is horrendous. Absolutely not. I mean, I don't go through it, but you can read that book and just hear in small details how every day is hell.

Just nonstop over and over. You could not pay me enough. You could be like, do this and at the end, you get a billion dollars. I'd like have fun everyone. I'll live my sad little life. Well, at the end of this, you get a trophy and maybe a thousand dollar prize. Absolutely not, no. So I'm on the other side of the coin for Jess, where if you encourage, if you're just like,

here's a really stupid idea, like, you can just do it. I'd like, for, I'd probably get pretty good stories out of it. I reckon I'll do it. And that's why I have no stories. I'm a very boring person. The other week, I know for a fact that Joel Dushie was made to do something. because his friend said, no, just imagine you're on jackass. Oh, yeah, okay.

Yeah, that's what works. I'm in the right age bracket for that to be like, I'll be like, what would Johnny Knoxville do? He'd do it. I did it. I think reverse psychology works at me. You have to tell me I couldn't possibly do it and then I'll have a crack. But the thing that's really putting me off with this race is that it's quite cold and we're

currently inside in a warehouse with a heater and I'm adequately dressed and I'm uncomfortable. So, and I'm feeling sooky about it. That's because Dush has got their pants. Dish is just putting the head. to write on me. Yeah. Now I'm thinking about this race.

Well, you're thinking about the cold parts, but you're not thinking about how it's also going to be very warm. Yeah. Yeah. And how people are going to later call you heroic. Okay. I'm coming around to it. I would enter this race.

And even if I broke down in the first hour, I'd be like, well, yeah, I'm a hero for doing it though. Yeah. A national treasure perhaps. Yeah. You didn't need any encouraging though. Yeah. Yeah, at the moment they're like, hey, remember that fucked up race from last year?

I'm like, yeah, we're doing it again? I'm in. Like, well, oh, okay. So, so yeah, his whole plan was, I'll win the race, then I'll make a lot of money. Then, you know, I'll be able to pay all these. It is a pretty solid plan because he didn't win the race last time, it's still got a lot of attention. So I guess, like, if you're thinking like that, he's like, well, worked last time and didn't even win.

Imagine if I win. Yeah. Which I'm going to be. I would put my money on him. So, he traveled with a mechanic named Arthur Hugh. And he's like, who else would be important? Some of a guy with a video camera. So he's like, we need to document this.

And video cameras of the time as well, very compact. Yes. Very compact, easy to travel with. I mean, just like today, you could essentially just take an iPhone. Yeah. So that would have, that's a good call, I think. Well, yeah, because that would have been film reel, which is also famously very flammable. Okay, great.

So that feels like a good idea. In 37 degrees Celsius, that would almost be hot enough for the film to combust. Well, I'm sure they'll be running their AC. Yeah, that should be fine. So how much of the storage in the car was dedicated to film? All of it. Okay. That's a removed part of the engine.

No. No, yeah, I mean, I think they had a decent, like all these cars were packed to the rafters with gear and supplies and stuff. Big heavy, well, not all of them were big and heavy. One of them particular wasn't. The Thomas was apparently a little bit lighter as well. But yeah, the cameraman's name, not that I'm bringing up again, but let's give him this moment. Yes, you know, he lived so that we could tell this tale. That's right.

Maurice Livia. Great name, thanks Maurice. But I just want to say his name, to be honest. Maurice. Prior to the race, a boy asked Goddard if he'd make it to Paris. So when he was in New York driving past, a boy goes, We're a brutal heckle. Will you make it to Paris, sir?

And Goddard quickly replied, sure will. Or just sure. I added the will. Sure isn't very... Well, he's French. He would have been like, we. Yeah. No, he said, sure.

And then he said, turned to his teammates, and in French said, what did the kids just say? And they said, oh, he asked if we make it to Paris. It turned out the only English word he knew was sure. Sure. He's a real yes, man. He's all in all the races. Do you want to race again?

Sure. Yeah, sure. You might also remember the carmaker De Dion from their two entrants in last race. We didn't talk about who De Dion was, the man behind the brand. It was Albert de Dion. He was a pioneer of the automobile industry in France. He entered the game at a time when automobile enthusiasts were regarded as juvenile. No, a childish pursuit.

Oh, silly little car boy doing their engineering. You think you're going to make a big machine? We got a horse, okay? It can go through a river. Yeah, you go build a car while I make these two horses fuck. Then I've got another horse. Can your car do that? Wait, can cars fuck?

Can't wait, can cars fuck? Can cars do that? Because I'm all of a sudden a little in reality. That'll change my mind, actually, quite a lot. According to offence to when de Dion, a French count, announced his intention to build automobiles in France in the 1880s, his family committed him to a rest home. They're like, you've lost it.

You're too old to be making decisions with our family money. But he had the last laugh. Can I do that to you? Now. Yeah. Yeah. I'd love to be in a rest time. That sounds like the best place.

Those little communities. for rest. All your table tennis. All the favorite thing to do is rest. Big rec room. Yeah. Movie night, every night. Every night.

Every night probably, I don't know. Yeah. You've got a TV in your room to watch a movie. And you're going to pay for it? Well, you're going to pay for. How am I going to earn money to stay there? That's not my problem, mate. So you're offering me a lift?

Yes. I'll help you move. That's kind. That's real friendship. ship. Okay. Moving is actually a big deal, Matt. That's actually very kind of Jess.

Yeah. What's the last time someone moved house? It sucks. Oh, it's the worst. I did it during one of the big lockdowns last and it was nice to have something to do. Yeah, that's fair enough. I also moved during a lockdown. We kept saying that we were going to make our prison our palace and so we just spent

the whole time doing up the place. Oh, lovely. It was really pretty. It was. I moved again during the next lockdown. Yeah, you know how to party. You're addicted. I am.

I'm getting to the stage where it's like, usually when a lockdown would happen and I'm like, I got to move. It's time to go. I keep looking up different furniture so I can at least pretend I've moved. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Smart. Clever. So they, so his family sent him to a home. But he had the last laugh as he had not only outlived his doubting relatives a couple of decades later,

but he inherited his father's title of marquee along the way. I said that like I didn't. No, is that anything said? I don't know. I don't know. It was a Marcus. I think it's Marquis. It is Marquis.

It's Marquis de Dion. Was a highly respected businessman presiding as a founding father over French automaking and racing. How old is he? I think he was in his 50s or something. So they put him in his 30s or like? Yeah, I think he was, I think he wasn't that old. Maybe he was in his six, maybe he's in his 40s. Oh my.

That's wild. That's also embarrassing for the family to put a member of your family into a rest home. and then die before they die. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can the rest home get them safe? I'm cringing, yeah. It's very cringe. Cropes are.

Cringing themselves to death. Cringing. His nephew, Borsier-San-Chaffre. I think you're just making sounds. I am certainly. But that's French, isn't it? That's all words, actually. In any language.

Just making sounds. Just a collection of sounds. Hang on, sorry. How did he get out of the, is it? Did he have to be committed to the rest home? How? That's as, I mean, that's as...

How did he get out? When the people that put you in a rest home die, you're free. Yeah. It's like a genie's curse. But I guess he inherited the title and he had more power all of a sudden. He's like, um, I'm leaving. I can actually pay myself to be sane again. They're like, oh, sorry, you've got enough money to be normal.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're fine. Go for it. Normal, Cass. What kind of language you're using here? Their language. Okay. I'm pretending I am the people at the rest home. Oh, then you should be numoo.

Yeah, normal means something very. very different in French. What does it mean? It means normal. So, yeah, his nephew, this Saint-Shaffre, caught an offence that was compact and dapper, a lively Frenchman and a very witty one. Compact and dapper. That's Dave.

Yeah. Dave, where are you? He's at a rest home somewhere. And when we all die, he'd be free. This compact and dapper man is also the one who came up with the idea for the race. And he was given the title of Commissioner General of the race. For Commissioner General Dave. This wasn't the first race he'd helped organise either.

According to Abbott, St. Chaffray once organized a motorboat race from Marseille to Algiers that resulted in every single boat sinking in the Mediterranean. What? Every single boat. So he has good form for good races. That's attainment. He's got a good rep. So this is the guy's like, yeah, we'll just drive across the ocean. What's the worst thing that will happen?

Clearly, boats don't work because they all sunk. So we'll just drive. I know the mistake we made with boats. This race will be, no. That's right. Specified, no boats. I didn't put that together. He's like, I'll never made that mistake again.

People associate me with sinking boats. I'm trying to shed that. No boats this race. Oh, me. I'm a wheels guy. Always been a landlubber. His teammate... But he can't resist the sweet call of the ocean.

He's going to get back. Well, drives across it this time. His teammate was Hans Hendrick Hanson. Hans Hanson. Hans Hendrick Hanson. Hansen, Hansen. Triple H. Whoa.

He was... His initials were essentially white. trying to call him. I think he might be your new favourite maybe. Oh, that's a big call. I don't talk about him that much, but... Every time he pops up, Triple H does something incredible. Yeah, he's just sort of doing bad-ass stuff.

And he's described by Abbott as a swash-buckling Norwegian, who claimed to have sailed a Viking ship solo to the North Pole, which I feel like, I wonder if he even came up in your report about that up there. was the report on people that... Shark King Viking from a month or so back. You know, remember a few people falsely claimed they'd gone to the North Pole before someone actually did? He might have been one of them.

Anyway, did they think they did? Was it just that they went to the wrong spot? Or did they lie? I imagine so. As far as I know, he seems like he was actually some sort of a badass. Bad ass. But yeah. So it's hard to know if he was just maybe talking a bit of shit.

Yeah. Or if he just thought he got there. Well, this is the coldest I've ever been. I know where I am. And listeners, that's also something you can also do if you're looking to spice up a conversation. You can just claim you've been somewhere you haven't been. The person you're talking to is not going to know. Yeah, they're not going to care.

Hey, Cass, you remember last year when I went to Brazil? I do. It was wild. Yeah, it was crazy. I went to Brazil. He's a Brazil boy now. It's a fun thing you can just do. Brazil boy.

What was the best thing you ate in Brazil? Brazil nuts. Yeah. See, he wouldn't be able to answer that question if he wasn't there. That's true. Yeah, how would you know? Great weather. Great weather in Brazil.

Yeah, great weather in Brazil. Well, I've never been. so I wouldn't know, so I can't to dispute that. How did you shave your pubs when you're over there? Well, they actually have a very particular type of waxing over there. Oh, okay, didn't fall for my trap. Waxing. So, uh, Triple H declared that he and his companions would reach Paris or, quote,

our bodies will be found inside the car. And has everybody in the car agreed to that? He says that as he's locking the door. And he was like, I'm happy to be airlifted out actually in an emergency. Is that what he said about the boats? What is the other side? This wasn't St. Chaffray. This was Hendrick Hansen.

Yeah, Triple H. I got confused between the two greatest men I've ever heard on back to back. I was like, surely it can only be one man. Yeah, well, I mean, I don't know if you can foreshadow anything here knowing that two alpha males are sharing a car. I imagine they'll work well together. H-H, okay, Triple-H, lived in Siberia and spoke English, Russian, Chinese, German, French, and Spanish. Chinese isn't a language.

Okay, well. Come that fencer. Let's say Mandarin. Yeah. Was that true in 1908? Yeah, that's what I mean. Like, or Triple H lied again. Oh, my God.

Just like, yeah, I can speak Chinese. Who's checking? Fencer was like, so he could speak pretty much every language along the whole route. He would be able to talk to locals. He's quite handy. Yeah. It's a handy person to have. Quite handy.

And they weren't even going through Spain, just in case there were any Spanish people out of the way. Just tourists. Yeah, well, that one you can just throw in because, yeah. Well, maybe there was like a burrito stall along the way. Yeah, well, I mean, last race. Barito store. Barreto? Last race, there was a team that was so far ahead that they went to a party for a week and then came back.

So maybe he was thinking the same thing. If I'm far enough ahead, might finally get to check out to Spain. Yeah, grab an empanata, get back on the road. Yeah. What's that famous Spanish dish where they're just all mixed in together? Paella? Paella. Yum.

Yum. Yum. Yeah. Pallia. It's a little John's favorite meal. Oh, that is a cute bit of fun. Which is what I love to have the most. He does love a cute bit of fun.

In a connection to the previous episode, our swast-buckling Norwegian was hired by the Russian government to find Salomon Andri, who was attempting to reach the North Pole by Balloon in 1897. That was episode 2.11. You won't remember it, Jess.

But I won't talk about that in case people haven't heard of that episode. But yeah, he was... I haven't heard that episode. Was I there? I think we did it live somewhere. Okay. Yay.

Hansen packed a sail for the car, which he thought would help propel them across the Arctic tundra. That's actually... Look, it is stupid, but I also think, in some ways, it's maybe a bit clever. Okay, I want to share what I was going to say in reaction to that. Ah, that sounds like an idea we'd have. Because if you put the car in neutral,

because fuel is of the essence. It is the car's essence, yes. I reckon, look, it's not the cleverest idea, but I'm on board. Unfortunately, unfortunately, the team implodes before they get to try it out. It's cool that a rate. I really wish they, yeah, I really wish that the de Dionne made it so we would know. It's also great to know that in this race of incredible stamina that one team doesn't make it because they have a fight. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Sounds like it could be potentially, and I don't know this, one hell of a fight. Yeah, sort of. I don't want to talk it up to now. It feels like now you're expecting too much. Murder. I'm expecting murder.

It's a quarrel. Yeah. You're telling me there's a fight with Triple H involved. Yes. Yeah, well, my expectations are there. Yeah. Triple H and the guy who sank all the boats in a race. Look, I'm giving him too much credit here.

We still haven't started this race and we're over an hour into the episode. Emilio Sittori was the driver for the Italian Zust, which is spelt Z, U with an umlaut, S-T. Smiley face. What do you reckon? That makes a, does that make it you? It's a U, it's a U is a smiley face. Yeah. I am a smiley face.

You is a smiling face. Zoust. Zus. That is a happy car brand name. I'd say Zost. Zost. Zut. Zoot.

Traveling with Sitori was a 21-year-old-old poet, who was the son of an important guy who ran a newspaper, I think. And so he went along as the journalist. Right. But he was also a poet. That rules that we've got a filmmaker and a poet in this race as well. Next is got, I need somebody. to paint portraits of me as we go.

Yeah, the whole thing is taken up by an easel. With oil on canvas. The entire race is just told through tasteful nudes. Yeah, but it's like, it's beautiful. Oh, yeah, very tasteful, very beautiful. The still life is just the end of the race. Like, let's see what you did. It's just lines across the thing.

Like, what you'd see out of a car going on. Their mechanic was German-born, a man named Henry Hager. And he couldn't speak. Italian. He was on the Italian team. So the long journey to the start line, they spent a lot of it in silence and apparently all of them were like, oh my God, are we going to make it? They were all dreading it. Just because you can't chat. Well, yeah, I mean, being the one there who doesn't speak the languages of the other two, you'd be like, this is going to suck. But he's also the one who does

speak the language of the car. He's the mechanic. Oh, that's nice. So he can't be going to them like, yeah, I reckon we'll make it there going, oh, I hope we make it. language of the car. That's beautiful. Yeah, that's stunning. Prussian army officer Hans Koppen was the German entrant driving the protos. This guy really wanted to do it. He was the only one who had to put up his own money because the race was, they're like,

it's going to cost at least 50 grand and just supplies and everything you have to put into it. And everyone else had sponsors and the car manufacturers were backing him. He's like looking for a car manufacturer. manufacturer just to give him a car. He wanted the money as well. He ended up getting the protest, but the guy was like, oh, give you, and then he found a newspaper who would pay him a bit to write articles on his journey. So he's got to drive and write articles? But he's got a typewriter on his lap. He's got to write the articles and he's got to front up the rest of the cost. He reportedly regarded the race as an opportunity to raise his rank from lieutenant to captain.

He's an army man, but he'd been an army man in peacetime. So he spent a lot of his time just reading about past failures and trying to learn from history and also, you know, just kind of getting ready. But he felt like, I want to go and do something. His battlefield was a higher rank. Yeah, that's right. Copen didn't previously have an answer. 1908, you don't need to wait long body.

Yeah. What a shame that he didn't know. Yeah, Germany? You're going to be pretty involved in a couple of little conferences. I think he might get you captain title if you live. It's great that he saw the car race. It's like, oh, okay, the race two. He didn't know war two was coming.

Yeah, that's right. Can't wait for the sequel, buddy. He didn't, yeah, war one was coming, I guess. Yeah. Oh, I'm pretty behind. Well, actually, you're in the future. Yeah, I mean, you're still right. War II is coming.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, I mean, there had been war before. Oh, yeah. We've warred for centuries. It was, yeah, it was quite weird that he was just landed in this little bit of peace. Yeah, that must be nice. So he up until that point had no interest in cars. In fact, he didn't know how to drive one and was much happier riding a horse.

That's war animal, yeah. But he wasn't going to be the driver. He was just, he was going on to be the captain. He was the one leading the charge from the backseat. He's in charge of snacks. He has curated a playlist. Yeah, he's got the Yorkscored. Yeah, he's downloaded a few podcasts that everyone will enjoy.

Yeah, he's got the maps and which, yeah, doesn't come up, but there aren't many. So where they get maps whenever they can, but most of the... Yeah, I feel like earlier in the episode when you said they're driving through a part of the world that no one had ever driven before I was thinking, yeah, map's going to be pretty tricky. Yeah, yeah. Certainly no GPA. So it's like a vibe smith. Yeah. And his motivation was sort of career-based but also patriotic.

According to Fenster, the frustration in Germany was that no German car had participated in the arduous Peking to Paris race, which had captured the attention of Europe over the summer of 1907. The whole idea for the New York to Paris race grew out of the excitement left over by the Peking race. The Italians had been in it, the French, and even the Dutch. with thanks to Goddard who just went and talked a Dutchman into giving me a car. But not the Germans. And they're like, where we're a big proud car country? They made great cars.

They made, you know, some of the earliest viable cars. The car industry was still super young at the time. Yeah. It's only a couple of decades old. And most people didn't really drive still. Horses were still the main motor transport. Apparently Germans built a lot of cars, but they didn't drive. a lot in Germany.

They exported a lot of them. But anyway, that was still like, it's weird that we didn't have a car on that race. We need a car on this next race. And that's what Copen, what motivated him.

He's like, we're going to be representing this next one. I'm the man to do it. Protost wasn't a big company, the ones who ended up getting the car from. And they saw it as an opportunity

to grow their business, which is what all the car manufacturers. They were like, what a great chance to, it's a gamble. if you fail, it's like a high profile failure. Yeah. If you succeed, it's a high profile success.

Yeah, I reckon your car probably just needs to get, I would say minimum 50%. Because then, like, as a buyer of a car, you look at that, you're like, yeah, but like, I'm not going to be driving it. Yeah. Over a frozen ocean. I'm going A to B. Yeah. And that's good. Like, that's gone to A to D minimum so far.

But good. Sounds like, yeah, that's enough for me. Yeah. This was quite influential even in the idea of car. going from A to B. At this stage, for the most part, they hadn't invented that yet. Cars went from A to A.

Genuinely, like, they, like, towns in America had car parks, which were they'd, people who had cars. We still love those. You know, which are normally wealthy people. They'd go to a park and just drive around in circles. It was, it was like a hobby. It wasn't a motor transport.

In flex, yeah. Yeah, right. Much like, I mean, people have boats now just to go out and sail around, and then you put it back on the dock, get in your car and drive home. Yeah, going from A to A. Yeah. So Protos was a small company. They didn't have an inventory of cars in a big warehouse to choose from.

They had to build each car to order. And that's what they had to do for our man. Copen. HK. Yes, HK. Copen. He needed them to make a car for him specifically. The only problem is it normally took them like five weeks

if everything went to plan to build one of their cars. That's not bad, is that? He had about 16 days. Okay. All right. So quick a turnaround. Yeah, do it in under half the time. How long would it take to make a car now?

I know they've turned them out a lot quicker. Yeah. But it's not like a day, is it? This is before. Like only just before Henry Ford had really made the, uh, the, started making the model T and, and the, what do you call it?

The production line. So they were about to make it a lot quicker, but, yeah. What if this was influential? They're like, fuck, used to take five weeks. This guy's about to do it in 16 days, hopefully. The only thing is it took around 600 men to do it.

And even then they were working right up to the last minute. So back in the day, so when you, when you wanted a car in old, times of old, would they have to custom make literally every single piece of the car? Yeah, I guess. Or could you, are there parts of the car

that you could just buy from bunnings? Or, you know, times of old equivalent. Ye old bunnings. Yeah, you're like, well, I'm using the tools available to me, so half of the engine you can buy it. Yeah, ye old bunnings. No, this is in Germany, it would have been Das Bunnings.

Yes, can you buy them at Das punnings? What is Das man? I don't know, but it was a good joke. The. The, yeah. From the bunnings. Yeah, DOS boot means the boot. I googled how long does it take to build a car?

And it says 18 to 35 hours. Right. But it contains about 30,000 parts. Jesus. Yeah. Cars seem hard. Yeah. Maybe it's big Lego.

Maybe it's fun to build a car. Maybe we should all have a go. Mechanics. Cass said maybe we should have a go. Like it's building Lego Like it could be kind of fun And Matt just goes Mechanics

Isn't that Lego Where you build cars? Is it not? And I thought your reaction was Let's be mechanics Yeah, let's be mechanics That's a mechanics job Isn't it fun that that's

How the mechanics Mechanics? Yeah I got all of that Is it Lego Maccano? Mechano? Mechanics. Mechanics.

He is very tired. Yeah. Mechanics. Mechanics, yes. Mechanics! Yes, man, we will be mechanics. Yes. It's exciting, isn't it?

You're just walking me to the home now. Come on, bud. Yeah, you'll have a great rest. Yeah, it's not the worst car in it. So, HK's effort to join the race looked doomed as he, the car was under the pump just to get completed. He also hadn't applied for leave from his job in the army, which normally would take weeks as well. So he was putting that in at the last minute. And apparently everyone wanted him.

They're all like, yeah, we support you to do this. But unfortunately, the process is the process, and this is going to take quite a while. Oh, ditch. Uh, yeah. Ditching the army is always fine. Yeah, they let you. I just think I'm coming down with something. I'm probably going to need a couple months off. Uh, 1908 Spanish flu. All kind of rules. Were we, it was up to the stage where they cared? Could, when was that thing in the European country where people started being like, I'm feeling too gay to come to work because they kept listening gayness as an illness. So people kept calling in to work gay.

Sorry, I'm too gay to work. Too gay. And then they were like, fine, okay, it's not a sickness anymore. You're allowed to be gay. The best protest, ditching rules. That's good. Love a rule ditch. And last minute he gets a letter back saying, or telegram or whatever saying,

you believe hasn't been approved. and he's like, oh shit, and calls were made, and they figured it out. And then Kaiser Wilhelm the second personally granted him permission. He saw it as a way the Kaiser was like, I think it would be good for us to have a car in this race. I think it would help our relationship with America. Yeah, well, hopefully nothing else comes along and fucks that up. Yeah, it should be good. Should stay chill for the foreseeable future.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, we did a couple episodes about World War I. And yeah, like the cars are, like, he didn't really want America. Like, they wanted to be buds with America and stuff. Anyway, so. But, yeah, spoiler alert, it doesn't end up. No. Then we had the American, and this guy only entered the race right last minute.

Even though America was the starting line, they didn't have a team until right at the end. All these teams are going, yeah, well, yeah, we're going to do it. And then like, nah, just joking. Thanks to that. article though. We've sold heaps of cars thanks to that article, but we're going to pull out now, I reckon. I will not be doing that. Yeah. Thomas, Mr. Thomas, the man behind the Thomas flyer was a real conservative sort of guy. He was from Buffalo, New York, and apparently, you know, they were like, took a conservative route with everything. They're like, I just don't

know if this makes sense for us to do this. Yeah. But when the Europeans and their cars arrived in town, apparently, and all the fanfare he saw around it. They were basically celebrities getting around New York. That sort of convinced him, he was like, nah, this feels like this would be good for business. And he got Monty, Montague, Monty Roberts to drive. Oh, he was Monty. Oh, I like that. It was 25, but already relatively well known as a race car driver. 25 is old. Yeah, that's middle aged in 1908. Funnily enough, that I was seen as quite young as a race car driver at the time. Yeah, well, that means that he can actually drive a car that's not his.

Yeah, that's true. Insurance doesn't go up. Just made it. He was a race car driver and he was one of the first to like physically train, do weights and do aerobics to train for racing. He also worked part-time delivering Thomas motor cars. Okay. As well. And how do you deliver them?

Drive them. Exactly. Presumably. How did he get back? Yeah, bus. Apparently after delivering one car, the customer asked him to teach his son how to drive it. That son was Franklin Roosevelt, who went on to become president of the United States of America. Wow.

No big deal. He also entered a 24-hour race at one point. Cars were meant to have teams of two alternating drivers. And he said, fuck that. I'll do it myself, right? No, he is... Shit. No, we need three.

He said, I'm looking forward to my partner arriving, but they never did. So he had to drive the whole race himself, which he did. And he won. And he set a new record. And he got a lot of new fans. And this is what helped build some of his fame. Was that the... I was trying to think of a 24-hour race.

Lamont? Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's like Lamont. Fuck. I thought it was a 24-hour race. Yeah.

We learned that on this show. Remember when Dave told us about that? Was I there? Oh, no, you went there. I was there I was there. I knew one of you. And I know it from that

Christian Bell movie. Was that Luoy? Yeah, Ford versus Ferrari. Monty's teammate was George Schuster, a 35-year-old mechanic from the Thomas Motor Company. Over the Hill. He only got the call up the night before the race.

Yeah. Hey, do you want to, we need you for about six months. Yep, for dropping everything. And he's like, great. He had to jump on a train that night. Yeah. Get to New York. Imagine how.

having no commitments for the next six months that you could do that. Or? I'd be like, I'm working tomorrow. Well, yeah, but alternatively, it's six months. So your life's going to be wildly different anyway.

So maybe fuck it. Just ditch. He was a married man. I'm learning a lot from you guys. If something sucks, hit the bricks. Who cares? You can quit anything.

You'll get a good story. Yeah. Well, I mean, this was his company, his boss was asking him to do this job. Oh. He was a mechanic for the Thomas Macon. So that's the opposite. So he wasn't ditching.

He was sucking a boot. He's got work tomorrow. Unfortunately, shifts ends in six months from there. Yeah. That's different. I'd be like, of course, boss. Yeah, thank you. Sorry that you had to call me.

Get this, Jess. This is going to be close to a record for this show. According to Abbott, Schuster was one of 21 children. No. No. That is way too many. And honestly, too much fucking. Yeah.

Yeah, really. parents part. I guess the only question I have is, do they know what's causing it? Oh, great question. That is too many children. Yeah, that's a bit money. What's the age gap between young and and olden? Yeah, do you have that info handy? Yeah. Make it up. Make it up. Wow. That's true. Every year. 18 years. Well, there's, I imagine there would tripled some doubles. Yeah, you've got to have some doubles in there, surely. Well, yeah, if it's 21, if it's 18 years in 20 unless that was a joke.

It was. Oh, okay. Well, I mean, it might have caught up. Could have been true. But nine months at a time. They could have just been. Just never leave the hospital. Yeah.

I watched a video of a woman who was going through, like she had like 10 kids or something. And then she was going through all of her kids, maybe fewer than 10 kids, showing all of them, showing all their ages and like how old they were. And they were all really close in age. And she's like, wow, I just realized I've spent like the nearly 90% of the decade pregnant. I'm like, oh. No. What would that do to your brain?

Yeah. My grandma had nine children. Just, yeah, it's, it's, I was, I've done the maths before about how, how many years grandma spent pregnant, terrifying. Yeah. Just the, and it changes your body so much. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It makes your tummy real big. I've seen. Yeah. Apparently when some people get pregnant, it permanently changes the shape and size of your feet. Whoa. So your shoes don't even. fit for the rest of your life anymore. And what about the other person involved?

Their balls would have been so sore. Yeah. We don't think about the dads enough. My God. Yeah, I don't think your balls should hurt. I think, I may... Oh, no, if you're coming once every nine months? Yeah.

Oh, that's too many. Dush, are you going to take that woman splaining your balls? I leave, I'm... This is too much. I've got to go. So, Schuster's dad's name was great, Casper. And he was a German immigrant. George was a handyman.

He was an expert radiator, soldierer, a chassis inspector, a motor, tuner, and a test driver. So he was a real... You can do everything. A chassis inspector is funny. Just be like, something's wrong with the car and he's like, hmm. Yes, there is. Yeah, the chassis is fine. It's got to be something else.

Hmm, something's wrong with this chassis actually. Oh, can you fix it? No. That is not the work of an inspector. Did I say I'm a chassis repairman? No. Apparently, Monty liked Schuster as a copal. Obviously, it was very handy guy.

But also, he liked it. He wasn't too high a profile to steal attention away from himself. That's a good enough. That's a good enough. Along with Schuster and Monty was T. Walter Williams, a reporter for the Times. Monty Roberts's Thomas Flyer was a stock car from the Thomas motor cars range. It was a powerful automobile

for the time at 60 horsepower. It was about 50% more powerful than Prince Borgazes, Itala, from the Peking to Paris. Wow. In fact, most of them had a relatively powerful

cars and engines with speeds capable of doing speeds up to around 70 miles per hour assuming they could ever find a decent enough road for long enough to hit that mark, which they rarely would.

The Zust and the Protos were 40 horsepower, the Deion and the Moto Block 30 horsepower. And of course, Ponzi's single cylinder, Césaire Nodarn, 15 horsepower. The hype around the race was large. So that before they were, apparently, there was, like, everyone was hyped about it in New York.

They were going, all the races were just trying to prep their cars, but they had so many events that to go to in the lead-up, feasts and all these things. So they were just like instant celebrities. And apparently people were like, well, if I knew this was going to happen, I would have entered the race. This is sick. Like it's such, it's way bigger than anyone was expecting it to be.

Is it because no one actually expected it to happen? I reckon that's probably part of it as well. I wonder if there's any benefit to like the short term game, long term, I guess, issues with that of like entering the race and then just feigning a breakdown like, you know, when you get sick of it. Yeah. And they'd be like, well, cars fucked. go home because if you've still got all the feasts and stuff people and then I guess like if you go

long enough people still be like oh you had a crack I guess like I'm not impressed yeah but I'm neutral on it you just got to you got to walk that line because if you you know two days in people would lose respect for you I guess yeah or just forget about it because they're worried about the cars forgetting about you though is fine yeah because they didn't know you before yeah it's just like if people actively feel you know negatively towards you you are so gen Z man yeah yeah The big time. 15 minutes. That's a thing that Gen Z started.

Yeah. Yeah. Before, we didn't need our 15 minutes of fame. We'd be embarrassed to get 15 minutes of fame. I was born in 2006. Yeah. I only know TikTok and Be Real. I don't even know what Be Real is.

It's time to be real. Got it. That helps. You wouldn't know, Grandma. So, lining the street, the street, okay Broadway, to see the start of the race was 200. 50,000 people. Jesus Christ.

There wasn't that many people back then. They had to create new ones. Oh, that's why they were even having horses fucking. They were like, we need to make up the numbers here. Some of those people were foals. I just told them to stand in the back legs. Yeah. So there were two horses in, one horse made like a two people suit.

The reverse of a Panama horse, doesn't matter. According to Abbott, the race was scheduled to begin at 11 a.m. sharp when Mayor George B. McLennan Jr., son of Union Civil War General, planned to fire the starting pistol. A golden pistol. No. Oh, fancy. But he was late.

Man with a golden gun. He was late. Characteristically, apparently. Classic mayor shit. The cars were stuck on the starting line with their engines revving. You know, they're just sitting there going, V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-B. But no, the gun's sitting on a table.

What did they get in the cars? Well, yeah, they were like, we're meant to start at 11, so we'll get ready. Yeah, they probably need a while to warm up, I guess, don't they? But still, I'd be like, okay, mayor's here, let's warm up. And a lot of them, you know, didn't speak English, I guess. So they were just sort of waiting. They're going, right.

Looking at their pocket watchers being like, it's so good time. Yeah. 14 minutes later, railroad finance air, Colgate Hoyt in the VIP section of the crown. Colgate Hoyt went over, grabbed the golden gun off the table and shot it into the air, kicking up their waist. He's like, oh, shoot this gun. Which is fair enough.

He's like, why are we waiting for some guide? But I'm also imagining he didn't sort of go, hey guys, I'm just, let's just get this started. You know, you've been waiting around. I like that he just walked over and went bang. And everyone went, oh, yeah, okay. Fair enough. He did shoot the golden gun. He did shoot the golden gun.

It's time to go. So the, what are we? We're an hour and a half in and the race has begun. Yeah. Bang, the man with the golden gun has a, well, a different man, but you got it done. A man who got a golden gun. There were so many people there. They're like, they're going to be blocked from driving.

250,000 people were crowding the streets. We're back to bowling rules again. How many can you get? We're getting a high score today. Can we get everyone to just assemble in a triangle kind of layer? We're going for a perfect game. After the starting shot, the cars moved forward. Scarfoglio, the Italian poet, wrote,

between two thick hedges of extended hands amidst a roar of a falling torrent. I mean, this is the kind of shit you get. When you get a higher. Yeah. Scalfoglio then blew a kiss to the crowd and they were off. King shit. Yeah. As it was the middle of winter, even horse-drawn sleighs were unlikely to travel in regional areas of America in that weather.

The roads for that reason were invisible. They were just packed with snow. When there was roads, you couldn't see the roads. Strangely, fenced the rights, American highways were much better in 80s. In 1908 than they were in 1908, in the first decades of the 1800s on the eve of the railroad era, a good many commercial turnpikes and plank roads smoothed the way between cities because horse and carts was the big way of traveling. But by 1908, the railroad ruled city to city travel and all the roads had fallen into disrepair. Yeah, fuck roads. We've got trains. Yeah, trains are much better.

And that's in the summer when driving conditions are at their best. This is the opposite of that. What was the tyre situation like? Oh, really good. Yeah, phenomenal. They had multiple choices of tread from... They'd figured out chains. Yeah, they were being thin wheels, right?

Yeah, and they were now using round wheels, which was good. They'd just invented them. The square wheels had started to go out of it. That's interesting. Clicking it back, I say. Can I ask a silly question? Were the tires full of air by this point? I'll be editing that out.

because I have no idea. Trains, don't talk, I don't, I mean, probably, probably I have no idea. They look like,

you know, in the pictures, they look like bike wheels, basically. So I imagine they were that little tubes in there. How's tube technology? Yeah,

I don't know if it's a tube or if it's just because sometimes you see the rubber around a wheel. Yeah. I would be equally, unsurprised with either answer. For all, I know they were filled with feathers.

Warm. I'm a bit cold. Get under the wheels. That'll warm you right up. So trains were how Americans got around and cars were really only play things for the rich, like I said before. For instance, in Pekipsi, is that how you say it?

Pekipsky? Perkepsky? Pekipsy. Pekipsy. they had a driving park, for instance, which is one of the towns they went through. And every town they went through, they pretty much got great ovations.

Even though it was freezing cold, people would go out and be like, holy shit, look at this, look at them go by. Some of the towns they'd stop and they'd have it put on a feast. So they were like brutal through the day, but the ones who were up for it, not all of them were.

Some of them were just head in the game the whole time, working on the car overnight. But some of them, especially the ones who didn't know how to drive, drive and didn't understand cars, love to go and socialise in the towns and just eat the feast and just be celebrities.

It is the journey, not the destination. As I would definitely have entered this race, you can also firmly put me in category B. Oh yeah, party boy. Yeah, big time feasts. Driving with a hangover every day would I reckon be the dream. Our German man, HK was definitely fell into that category. JD and HK. Two P's in the same pod.

And his teammates who were doing all the work. Oh, yeah. Sort of... There you are. Yeah. They started to dislike him a bit because if they ever read an article that said HK and team traveling. Because he's the only one going to town's talk to everyone. Yeah.

They're just the ones doing the work. Yeah. But not doing the PR. And he's obviously not really mentioning them that. It's all about networking. They're not doing it. He's also being reported on as the driver, even though he does not know. how to do that. That's right.

So they're loving it, his teammates, who I'm now not mentioning very much. Joel, how did Matt go about picking your new favorite man? He has done well, but... You reckon Copen is going pretty well now? But we haven't heard what Goddard's up to. So, yeah, look, I'm being reserved. I don't want to overplay my hand too early. They don't want to come on too strong.

There's quite a few. There's a few characters involved. Yeah, this one, like, everyone's kind of got their... Because in the first race, there's a couple of people, you're just like, well, whatever. Congratulations to the Prince that won. I don't remember you doing anything exciting, except for that time where you went to a feast. That's funny. This time, everyone...

Everyone's a character. Yeah, they're doing stuff, aren't they? Schuster, even, like, his main thing is just being good with car-related things. Yeah. And his teammate, the driver, is famous for being a good driver. So it's almost boring. Yeah. But, you know, and then everyone else is like, I don't know how to drive, what's a car, which is fun.

I've got a poet. Yeah, yeah. I've brought a film crew. That's got out. Just push the button and turn the wheel. Two steps, baby. Anyone can do it. The other thing I don't think I mention anywhere is obviously power steering is nowhere near.

Oh, yeah. So the driving conditions are awful, but they're feeling every inch of it in the steering wheel. And they're having to use genuine strength. just to keep the car going straight. Have you ever driven without power steering? Yes. I learn in a car without power steering. It's amazing how many rotations of the wheel to turn left when you hit Alaska.

How about you? Oh, yeah, my power steering stopped working Monday. Brutal! It's amazing. How does it just stop working? That's two problems because it means you would have had to turn heaves but also pay up. Yeah. And the main problem, not looking cool when you're reversing and turning with the ball of your hand,

whatever that bit's called. Oh yeah, like just whacking a finger underneath the bars that connect the wheels to the central, like the central turning point, just like flick it around. No, I had to grip the wheel and like pull really. It didn't feel like turning. It felt like pulling a rope. Like I was trying to ring the bell at Notre Dame or something. Yeah.

Important job. I'm actually, the bell at Notre Dame is called Big Band. The fact I think I know is that all bells are called Big Ben. But if the Bell's called Big Ben, a name is bestowed upon the recipient, right? Yeah, don't know. So then the tower's called Big Ben too. Oh, honestly, it's just one of those tedious facts that tedious people tell, say all the time. You know, like Frank Starn's monster and those sort of ones.

Yeah, well, now you know, the tower's called Big Ben too. I don't think anyone genuinely, like, they've all become like a cliched joke. say it ironically now, but I don't think anyone actually does those um-actually that much. Well, I'm going to start. Actually, I think they do. You'll find that there are insufferable people in the world. I would love to tell you all how our man, August Ponds, begins the race. Does he?

All is. He does. Okay. He got off to a bad start. So this is the man whose big theory is light cars. Ill-prepared. Ill-prepared. Not too powerful.

Yep. everything in moderation. Slow and steady wins the race. If he had just come equipped, but he didn't even do that, you know? No. Yeah. So, Gordon a fenceder.

Soon after he started the race, he realized that something was very wrong. Not with his car. So you were wrong when you guessed that he forgot his car. He did bring his car. Nothing was wrong with his car, but something was wrong with the sun. It was on his right when it should have been on his left.

Either it was an historic anomaly or he was. heading south back to New York City. This is as the race as he started. He made it out of town. He was following the other cars, but he lost track of them, and then all of a sudden found himself going the other way and didn't remember Chuck and a Yui? Yeah. But luckily the sun was out that day.

It was overcast. You know what, though? I wouldn't have made it down to Brazil. He was like, oh my God, I found New York too. Do you know what? I did that once. I was driving out in the country and there was a row. road to my right. It was like, you know, straight road with just a road to the right. And I remember the road had a funny name like sugar gum lane or something. I was like, oh, cute. And then an hour later, I'm like, why can't I find this place? And all of a sudden sugar gum lane was on my left. And I was like, no. I've done a loop gone all the way around this suburb and come to the other side of sugar gum. Yeah, if you've got a gentle bend. Be careful. Then that's, yeah, that's a diabolical design. I didn't even know it had done it. Like, and I've gone around. That is a very gentle bend.

That's impressive. So look, I don't know how this guy all of a sudden found the sun on the other side because Sugar Gunlain was a shock to me. Yeah. Yeah, he did a U-turn that he didn't notice. Did a three-point turn? But he just blanked it? You know when you're doing a long drive and you're like, oh, fuck?

Did I just do a three-point-up? Did I just hang a U-I? That's weird. That's odd. So obviously, he's off to a bad stuff. But anyway, did he ride himself? Yeah, he right at himself, got going in the right direction. But before long, the engine does.

died and poor old Ponds had to drop out of the race. What? On the first day, got the car fixed, tried to keep going, but by the end of the race, he was out for good. Didn't even get out of the state of New York. Wow. That is impressive. The state of New York. I think New York, you know, there's a lot of rural areas there.

You're right. That's much more impressive. And it's very snowy. Yeah. He got out of New York City, just not New York. I mean, I'm giving him shit, but he's driving. An ill-prepared car without a roof or a windshield in snow. So he should have been able to see the sun the whole time.

Oh, good point. At one stage, he should have been like, hmm, I'm driving into the sun. I'm going toward it. Yeah, he did a grease ending. And that was when he realized, hang on. I shouldn't be driving into the sun. I think I might have died. Is that what the movie is?

Did they die? Yeah, everyone does. It was all a dream. Yeah. She goes back to Australia in the sky. Yeah. That's how you get to Australia. The big Australia in the sky.

Yeah, the big Australia in the sky. That's heaven. That's part of the proof that Australia doesn't exist. So of the five remaining cars, there's the French de Dieme, the Italian Zeus and the American Thomas Fly, they're all doing the best. They're sort of sticking together relatively. And then further back, we've got the German Protos and Godard's Moto Block battling back at the rear. I mean, they're just already just spending more time. digging snow than driving.

They're going so slowly and they're just like stopping digging, then driving a bit, then stopping digging, driving. It's just like an absolute fucking nightmare. Sounds shit. Yeah. They'd be ripped though. Oh yeah. Whenever I go somewhere where there's lots of stairs, I'm like, okay, this will be torture

but my bum's going to look amazing when I finally make it up there. Well, that's a good thing about the new Stupid Al Studios. There's more stairs than the old one. So I didn't think of that positive. Thank God. You're going to be tush pushing. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I'm going to be caked up. Check out these Georgia peach. I don't know. Please no one look at my butt. Don't comment on his Georgia peaches. So, yeah, they're plowing through snow. A foot deep or higher in parts. They're using planks of wood to help gain traction.

The Thomas Flyer was leading by a little bit. But that turned out to be a bit of a curse because they're also the ones out in front trying to figure out where the road is, for starters. They're also the ones digging the most snow. Just copping at first. Yeah. this area a bit so there's a bit of an advantage there. Schuster, the mechanic,

who knows his chassis, walk in front of the car, poking through the snow with a stick. So as you know cars, mate. Here's a stick. You jump out in front. Can you poke that snow for a bit? Say if you can find road.

It's like macheteing the jungle as the rest of your crew walks through. Poking the snow. It's funny to me like, hey, you know cars. Can you just go stand in front of the car? I'm like, well, my limited, I do no cars. And that's like the one place you're not meant to stand it from. Yeah, especially when it's going forward. It's like opposite of horses.

Yeah. I reckon surely I would imagine between them they've got at least three brain cells. There are methods of plowing whilst using the car. Why not just use those? Whoever, if a plow company had ended the race, they'd be fucking killing it. They'd be doing all right. Yeah. Although the other cars would just be just getting in that slipstream.

And then just at the finish line, just overtake them. Yeah. The plough would hit the ice. Imagine doing this in a barina. Honestly, it would probably be better. Yeah. Brides have heating. And a roof.

Yeah. And a roof and a windshield. And they're zippy. Oh, they're very zippy. And you look cool. And a pretty good fuel economy. Yeah. This episode brought to you by the Holden Barina.

A defunct car. Oh, and we miss it. Bring it back. Defunkey car more like. Something I should also mention is that after the debacle, with fuel in the last race. The paper, LaMatta, organizes fuel deposits along the race for all drivers. So you don't have to source your own fuel like you did in the last race.

Yeah, they didn't have that option last time. That's, so that, how did they do that? Yeah, because they would have had to drive there. Yeah, no, it's in a, I think they dropped it off at little general stores and stuff along the way. Oh, they probably could use a train. Yeah, that's true. Train was king back. in 1908.

I was going to say camels, but it went on the desert this time. So probably polar bears. Snow camels? Which is what I call polar bears. Some sort of working dog. Huskies. Dog sleds. Dog with job.

Dog with job. No dog unions. What's that about? Sad. So like I said before, I'm going to sort of jump through a lot of the horror, which is just a lot of digging snow. Yeah. Sounds awful.

Honestly, couldn't damn enough. That sounds like how you would have a nightmare. Preparing themselves for something that's going to happen in a couple of years. They're getting very. very good at digging trenches. Oh, true. Goddard within, you know, not too long was 70-odd miles behind the leaders in the Thomas Flyer.

He landed in a ditch that was hidden by snow. So he didn't have a guy with a stick out the front, checking for depth. And he just like, like a booby trap. The snow was covering it. And he drove and just into a ditch and fucked up his car. I hold himself. in his team were left till 1 a.m digging it out that night.

So all day into the night. And because the car was deep in there, they struggled to get to their supplies. All they could find for sustenance were two bottles of champagne that were earmarked to be drank at the finish line to celebrate. Oh no. But they're like, well, this is all we have. And they drunk the bottles of wine.

For sustenance. Well, that's right. I mean, I might be. Oh, I absolutely would have pulled that excuse. Yeah, something in the belly. Yeah. Grapes, it's a fruit. Yeah.

Lying your stomach. with champagne. Yeah, you're right. So the trio drank them for dinner. They got better at digging. Finally, the next day they got to their hotel they were meant to get to. Which for the most part, certainly through America, they were stopping at hotels most nights. That is so funny that they haven't even cleared like the hotel zones.

Yeah. And it's going to get so much worse. Yeah, I reckon. And then slightly better. Yeah. But then worse again. Yeah. Yeah.

because you're in Paris. Unless you're one of the ones who's then home. Yeah. You just get to drive straight to your house. Have a shower. Hit the sack. Sorry, hit LeSack. The leading teams,

the leading teams spent more time digging snow than driving. And the teams at the rear also. All of the teams spent more time digging snow than driving. Many times only the heartbreaking. find that they'd taken a wrong turn and were digging in the wrong direction. Jesus. One day they spent 10 hours digging in the wrong direction only to have to dig back because it was still snowing.

Oh my God. Just like, there's so many times I'm like, and they kept going? Next hotel, I'm calling it a day. I'm moving into that hotel. Why not? Why not just reverse the car? Yeah. What do you mean?

Well, the stuff coming out of the car's hot. It'll melt the snow. Just reverse the car. Back it up the whole way through the snow. The smog is going to eat that snow. The snow doesn't know what smog is yet, so the snow's going to be extra. Oh, yeah, standoffish.

Yeah. We don't know about pollution. Not like modern day snow. Yeah, very resilient. Yeah. It just changes color and says, yeah. Like a monkey in one of those towns. Just like that.

I guess it's technically still wild, but he knows how to, you know, open a purse. And smoke cigarettes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's got a real taste.

for chips. They don't occur naturally in the wilderness. Monkeys can navigate plastic and several kinds of foils now. But you reckon that would have worked? I don't know. Blast and smog at the snow. Depends on deep the snow is.

Because what might happen is it melts the snow and then the snow on the side just fills the hole that you've just melted. Because you're also making the sides hot. Yeah. This race was not a clever. No, this is a terrible way. I'm still seeing race.

Great. Yeah, I mean, I'm glad they did it. It's funny to talk about. Yeah, it's sick. Cornyn Abbott, the drivers settled into a routine, rising at 5am and driving till 8pm, with the mechanics tinkering with their cars until midnight to repair cracks in the chassis and drain the radiators to keep them from freezing. So they're working on the car until midnight, going to bed, getting up at 5, start again. Yeah, to meet their hungover teammate who'd just been at a feast. Catch up with your old pal Jol Dusha. Absolutely not. They stopped it.

The catch up with Dusha part of. Sensible, you've made the right decision there. They stopped at hardware stores to fill up on gasoline, one bucket full at a time. Bucket. The cars all had multiple gas tanks and they were separate to sort of avoid one of them. Like a cow's stomach. Yeah. Because if one cow stomach leaks, they lose the whole cow loses all the fuel.

And then they just stopped going. You know, whenever you see one of those cows are just stopped in a paddock. They tip over. Yeah, they've had a fuel leak. Yeah. Been there, cow. I don't know what a fuel leak is for a human, but I don't want to get into it. The teams forged a tense agreement that they would alternate leadership every five hours,

but this spirit of cooperation quickly dissolved as they began to distrust each other, fearing that their opponents would sneak off in the middle of the night. You know, oh, you're leading. What's to say you won't get up early? And yeah, some of them, they really started to go, did you get up early to drive further? What's going on here? And they were sounding really paranoid.

St. Chaffray, who's one of the races, but also kind of the boss of the race, the guy came up with the race, was feeling a bit comfortable in his position and was barking orders to the other teams, telling them that they needed his permission if they wanted to go into the cities for supplies and stuff. After being told that, Monty Roberts,

didn't like it I didn't like the chude of Chaffray and said from now on you will know this is a race that was this sort of That is a huge huge statement

I assume he pulled off his racing glove and slapped him in the on the cheek and all sounds super draining and tense one thing that would have cheered him up were these local towns and these celebratory dinners

for the ones who were had any time to attend them. But not all of them appreciated it, including surprisingly the Italian poet Scarfolio. I would have been like, this poet, man, he'd love a feast. Oh, yeah. But I mean, that's very reductive of me.

Oh, yeah. You're a poet, you love face. Someone who sees a beauty in life will see you in this. A good poet. Oh, they all love feasts. Every poet, oh, me, my, man. I love a face. Maybe it was one of those poets, you know, like the depressing ones.

Yeah. He's like, there's actually no beauty in the world. right. It's, you know, it's a living. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cass, you were so right. This guy, he was a downer. He did not enjoy his time. And I think less than Feasts as an idea, he didn't like Americans as a whole. All right. I braced myself for you to say living rather than America. He didn't like living. Yeah. So he wrote this. So a lot of them are keeping journals. So we've got a lot of translated, of course, but he wrote, I do not like Americans as a whole.

Just as I do not like the cheesemonger, whom a prize in a lottery or a sudden rise in the price of potatoes has made wealthy, there is still too much of the herdsmen about them. It's kind of weirdly put, but I think he's sort of saying they're like, their new money, you know, someone who made a lot of money from luck or from business. Not like me, a man who's got generational wealth. Yeah. These uncouth Americans.

These Americans, they own their money and my daddy gave it to me. I'm allowed to write and writing has not become cooler at all in recent years. When I could be centuries off, when was the Boston Tea Party? When did America throw all the tea in the sea? Because if that was in like 100 years, could be why they distrust America. You didn't want to be part of the queen and the king. But this is an Italian guy. That's true.

Is that relevant? 1773, the Boston Tea Party. Yeah, that's also probably way too early. It's also bricks. It wasn't just loose tea. It was bricks of tea. Oh, okay. I'm like, what's the protest here?

We're throwing bricks into the sea. I'm thinking tea bags. Oh, yeah. I've always imagined tea bags. Not bricks of compressed tea. Wow. And so I guess the tea would have gone like a browny color. So, here's what I was asking.

the other day, because I was talking about all that tea that went in the sea. If you have... Okay, we've got a cup of tea right now. Yep, big cup of tea. I drink a gulp of the tea and then I top it up with hot water. Still tea?

Yeah. How many more times do I do that until it's not tea? Or is it always still going to have a little bit of tea in there? Yeah, is this like that guy on his ship? No, because the ship every single spot was replaced. See, this is more like sour dough.

Yeah, yeah. How much is still mum's dough or whatever mother's yeast? What's it called? the mother, the super mum, the super nanny of the salad. Yeah, I think it's just increasingly weak tea. Yeah, so my argument was it's increasingly weak tea, which means the ocean is a big cup of tea.

But if that's the, that also means that the sea is still dead bodies and piss and a lot of things. I also agree with that. Yeah, the ocean is piss. Okay, you're right, it's more of a soup. It's a fucked up minestrone. But do you think of a pool with a, the dead body in it as a dead body.

It's still a pool, right? I guess. Whereas a cup of tea is a cup of tea. So when Cass... You can drain a pool. Cass is through. Can't drain the ocean. Yeah.

It's where we're going for two hours. I love for the... Oh, yes. No, no, that's true you can't drain the ocean. Well played. So it is just a big cup of tea. Maybe it's one of these fancy cups of tea where they also infused spices, but the spices.

Spices are Pishit and Dead Bodies. Yeah. What about this? There must be a point, right? Because, you know, non-alcoholic beers? Yeah. They do have some percentage of alcohol. Yeah, because they have to remove the alcohol from it.

And even like orange juice has some, apparently has some percentage of alcohol. Well, anything fermented, that's the process of fermentation. It's like this small amount, but legally it's not alcoholic. But it's, there is some. So maybe there is a point when tea legally is tea free. Alcohol rules, I see. Interesting. Yeah, alcohol does rule.

Alcohol rule. Yeah, we're a pro-drinking podcast. Pro-feast, pro-pro-alcohol. Yeah. Look, I'm pro-chose. If people don't want to drink, that's fine as well. Yeah, you're allowed. Doge is making everyone drink.

Yeah, that's... He's that annoying guy at the party. You're not cool? We're doing beer bongs. You're actually 100% are that guy, I'm sure. No, no, no. You are. You were born in 2004 or whatever.

Yeah, 2006. 2006, so. Yeah, I'm youthful. But I do look a little bit older. Actually, Gen Z don't, they're like, they're way more responsible with alcohol. They're not drinking as well. The kids of today. Yeah.

You know what I mean? They don't even drink anymore. And smoke or don't drink. Oh, you've seen the health issues. Yeah. Okay. And they're lazy to. Yeah, lazy.

Never riding off days of with hangovers. But I do think of. It's good and right to generalise huge groups of people. Agreed. Back to these pesky Americans. So leaving. Leaving. Dave.

Are we out of America yet? I miss Dave. Leaving. This episode would have been finished if he were here. Oh, no doubt. But I think I'm only telling this little part of the story. Because, you know, it was a little hardship they hit. But also the town name is so good.

Leaving the town of Shinikady, they realized the road was impassable. So a bridge needed to be built over a ravine to give them an alternative route out of town. That's a structure bridge. And Triple H apparently was like, sick. Easy. He had to knock down, like he had to fell as part of a forest to make way, then collect stones to build the foundation timber bridge. Jesus. And they were into like a orchard or a paddock on the other side

And that was meant to be one of the locals said, Yeah, there should be a route out this way. Build a bridge. Cross the bridge. The three leading cars. Realize, no, that is also a dead end. Yes. Oh my God.

So does that mean they have to build a second bridge? Yes. Yes. So they come back and then they're stranded for a while. And another local goes, no, there's a tow path down here. And that should give you a pretty decent run for a while. It's a tow path. I guess it was just as a path that maybe...

You could go on your tippy toes. I imagine that farmers towed... Toe. I was thinking like you have to sort of put your feet out of the car and Flintstones it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the sound it made. Yeah, that is the sound of me. Yeah.

So they're like, oh, that sounds like a good idea. Where is it? Oh, we're going to have to build a bridge to get to that. So I had to build another bridge. Triple H is like, this is my lucky day. He's just like bad-assing his way around. He's like, great, things to do, loving this. Apparently he just loved hard work.

Oh my gosh. No, I hate it. He lived in Siberia. Did I mention that before? Yeah, he did, yeah. He's the one, is he speak many languages? Yes. Yeah.

And we took it. We're taking his word for it. Yeah. Definitely Chinese, definitely Spanish. Yeah. No one can prove otherwise. So, yeah. So, yeah.

They build a second bridge and they're on the road again. Yep. Really not making any great gains in terms of distance, but they're rolling. Yeah. As they headed west, eventually the weather started warming, which would seem like good news, but it just led to melting snow and mud. So it's just like now they're driving through sludge. Oh, God.

And they're like, they're just sliding as the sludge is moving side to side. They're just sloshing around. Yeah, exactly. Gooo City. Yeah, when they're not getting bogged, they're slipping and they're sliding. Goo City is fun. Oh, welcome to Goo City. Population you.

Population goo. On Feb 25, Goddard and the Motto Block team stopped for the night in an Indiana village. And they parked their car inside this like a barn or something. And when they return to the car in the morning, they found that everything but the car had been stolen. Cameras, guns, films. So I think all the film footage was lost. Tools, supplies.

Even all their changes of clothes were taken. So they had nothing left apart from the clothes on their back and the car. And so he wrote all that in his journal that night, like, shit. Yeah. I think we've fucked it. Yeah. So you remember how lucky he was in the Peking to Paris race? Yeah.

Nothing but bad luck. Entirely. They didn't steal the car. I think that's pretty lucky. Yeah, that's true. So you could drive home. I think it's because people didn't, not many people knew how to drive cars. Yeah.

Yeah. Probably didn't seem much value in them. Yeah, they're just like, yeah, rich people. This is a joke. Apparently, Fenster wrote that regional Americans, some of them just hated cars. They're like loud and disruptive. And they didn't trust them and stuff. Scare our horses.

So they would like sabotage ones, not necessarily in this race, but in general they would sabotage cars when they say them. Some farmers apparently would shoot them from a distance. Jesus Christ. That's wild. That's so weird. That would have been awful though. Like to have your nice peaceful, peaceful farm, everything going lovely.

The most noisy vehicle makes is phton. Yeah. And then all of a sudden. Oh, that's a relaxing sound. It's so nice. That was a good horse. You know what? Thank you.

You know, those times where you hear someone with no muffler. Oh, yeah. It's just too loud and it just like rattles your brain a little bit. That would have been every car. And it would have been cutting over not the sound of a hundred other cars. They would have all been getting canaries from there back then. The unroadworthy stickers. Big time.

That's not street legal, mate. Too loud. They're too loud. Too low, too loud. So much like the Peking to Paris race, locals played a big part in moving these cars along with help of horses and mules and whatnot.

The American team were first to utilize horses getting local, and locals were happy to help the Americans. And the other, the Europeans, some of them made an official complaint about it, which they basically reneged on. or took back a couple days later when they started using horses as well. They're like, actually, yeah, I see that this is a good idea.

We're not moving otherwise. So the locals were often quick to help for free, the American team. They would charge exuberant prices to the Euro teams for the same service. They're like, we'll help you, but we're going to make a little cash out of this if they'll help them at all. Because, you know, they were sort of, some of them were like, oh, our patriotic duty is to, to help our fellow Americans. The American team. Goddard's bad luck continued in the following days.

Oh. As it, the cops couldn't help him find his stuff. He's like talking to cops and he, you know, he only knows the word sure, so I don't know how he really communicated it. But apparently he was like,

they're looking at me like, I've done something wrong. He's sort of yelling at them in French, I guess. And all of a sudden, I'm the criminal. But then, the next time he saw a cop it was bad news

because he'd agreed to pay a farmer Calvin Fisher $3 per mile to have horses drag his car along this was about $3 per mile more than Fisher had earlier charged the Americans for the same service $3 back then

that's a fair bit per mile yeah totally and apart from overcharging him he also just went, I'll go get the horses and just never came back, leaving Goddard to wait. And just basically as a con. Yeah.

The con man got conned. Yeah, so Goddard ended up being like, all right, I got a, I'm going to have to find someone else. He found another farmer who did the service for him. Yeah. Then when he got to the next town, he got stopped by a cop. He might have thought, oh, have they found my stuff? But no, the farmer Fisher dobed him in for welching on the deal. He says he owes me $21.

bucks. We agreed that I was going to take him seven miles, which was the con. He didn't have to do the work. And he got the money. But he was going to try and get the money. What? Didn't know welching on a deal was illegal. Oh man, we found some wild things are illegal. And an episode set in England, not that later than this, someone went to jail for lying to a landlord. Oh, oh. What was the fib? That they were married. This couple staying there were married. They weren't married. They weren't married. Landlady was pissed.

How dare they? You know, when someone lies, you straight to the cops. Yeah. They'll settle this. This will amend the scene you've done. But this is baffling because the guy didn't do the job. He didn't do the job. And he didn't get his money, but he didn't do the job.

Goddard protested and the cop said something like, hey, it's not my job to settle disputes. My job is to arrest you. I think it's kind of is your job. Okay. He's like, well, let the courts decide. What leg. do you have to stand on that you didn't do anything for him and you go into the cops like, hey, I didn't do anything for this guy and he didn't give me any money.

We agree. And I did nothing. I went and got the horses eventually. I was going to call this guy and he left. Oh, I certainly shouldn't have said. Please ignore that part officer. The officer's like, wait, you're in that big race. Yeah, but you're not American.

So yeah, you're right. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, jail. The next town was where the court was. So he called ahead to the cop called ahead to the next town going, hey, so I've got this guy. And luckily the cop in the next town was a bit of a motor enthusiast. He's like, let him go, send him up to me, we'll sort it out.

But with making a little bit of a silly decision, Godard just sped through the town. And the cop who was like, I think the cop saw that. He was sort of following. and he's like, uh, licking his lips going, my time to shine. On the horseback,

galloped after him, stopped him. And then like he, like he was rounding up sheep. Hearded him back. Hearded him back to town. What? He threw a sous.

Yeah. So eventually Godd, he had to come up with the cash to be able to leave. Oh my God. He paid the 23. For nothing. He paid actually a little bit more

because he had to pay for the extra time that the cop had to put in chasing him. But nothing happened. That's bullshit. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Goddard is innocent. He got conned.

So it seems that he should be at the other end. It's a bit of poetic justice, I suppose. We haven't left America yet. Oh my God. No, I do get more speed as we go. Hopefully the cars do too. Some of them do by dropping out in an attempt to garner more local support. Some of the, so they're going,

the locals seem to not be on our side. We thought we're coming to do a great race. Come on, America. Hey, why aren't we all in this together? This is for cars. Go cars. So in an attempt to garner more local support, some of the European Senate sent a letter to the president of the Chicago

Automobile Club writing, quote, we are discouraged. The peasants demand $3 per mile for helping us. I mean, that language already shows that they're, I don't know why they're not. not supporting them. Hey, peasants. These disgusting, poor, poor, poor people.

Smelly people. Not what we do, we throw dirty. They won't accept our own shit as payment. We kick them and nothing will work. Kicked by a royal and they are not even slightly motivated. Not one, thank you. The peasants demand $3 per mile for helping us. They charge $5 each to permit us to sleep on the ground, which is brutal.

Yeah, you can have that little bit of. Grand, but it's going to cast you. Peasants along the way, doubling down, love that, have filled up roads dug by leading cars, with the leading car being the American Thomas car. Would it be possible to influence public opinion to aid us? They're like, can you get the word out to the locals? That we're all right. We're all right.

We're car people like you. But just remind them that they're peasants and we're above them. And so, like, they owe us a certain level of respect. We can afford a car. It's just simple. It's maths. Yeah. Do they not know maps?

Oh, no. Do you not teach the person's maths? Okay, can you explain the maths? How do you reckon this would have worked? I think so. I think they went really positively. Yeah. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say no.

No, okay. Always the contrarian classic douche. Somebody's got to play devil's advocate. Yeah. But you are correct, Dusha. Their play fell on deaf ears. And the Chicago Automobile Club leaked the letter to the press. Oh.

Oh my God. That's not a deaf ear. That is an evil ear. I never thought it. Maybe the Tribune was like, hey, can you write an article to Garner support?

Maybe, but it doesn't. Either way, it didn't work that way. The Tribune wrote a derisive article quoting the letter with the headline,

Foreigners pathetic appeal. That's incredible. That's a good headline. Loses keep losing. Yeah. Sucks to suck. I almost feel sorry for these fucking losers. The body of article.

Anyway, so they will accept $2 and be grateful. Yeah. I thought that was very funny. Cough that you European swines. In late Feb, Hans Hendrick Hansen, the swass buckling Norwegian, Tweet his team. The two alphas started budding him. heads. De Dion, the De Dion got stuck in the snow. And Triple H, the Siberian, the guy had been to the

North Pole. He was the Arctic expert. He knew snow. He knew how to extract automobiles. Unfortunately, even though he was working hard and working for a long time, he couldn't do it. This led French teammates, St. Chaffray, make a few snide remarks. This ended out escalating, according to Fenster, into an all-out screaming match on the verge of throwing punches until they agreed to settle the fight with a jewel. The only gentlemanly way to settle an argument.

Ah, kill each other. No, no, no. Only the loser dies. Sorry. So... They couldn't even jewel properly. Triple H is like, done. I'll go get the guns.

They're somewhere down there buried in the... snow with a car. So he was heading for the pistols when St. Chafferre went, actually, you know what? You're fired. Coward. Didn't want a jewel. Yeah, I knew he was going to lose.

He was bluffing. Not to duel with the Army man. Yeah. This isn't the Army man. This is the solo Viking ship. Oh, no, that's right. Yeah. HK is the Army man, not Triple H.

But still, I still think probably the Smart Corps. It's the outdoors man versus the guy whose uncle's rich and owned a car company. Just the idea like, oh, well, less jewel, I'll kill you. I'll really kill you. All right. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. Then, in a classic move, Hansen gave it the old, you can't fire me. I quit.

Yeah. Got to hear this started. That trope. Yeah, that's right. Actually, wait, if you fire me, do I get? get like a, do I get a payout? What's the difference? It's different.

That's my pride. It has a value. Yeah. A few days later, the three lead cars, the Thomas Flyer had got there earlier, but the Zust and the De Diem were all now in Chicago. The Thomas Flyers was spending a few days there, but they were all attending this banquet when Hanson's like, anyway, got a little tail to tell here. And he said, I'm off the team.

And everyone went, gasping. Scandalous. They gasped a lot more back in the day, didn't they? And he said, he said, Sinschaprae said, you're the only one who's not French on the team, you're off the team. And St. Chaffray, he looked at St. Chaffray at the dining table and St. Chaffray nodded. Yeah, that's pretty much it.

That's pretty much it, I guess, which is weird. But anyway, so. So he's announcing their breakup at a, at a, at a. table. Hey everyone. Ding-de-D-D-D-D-D. Just a little announcement. We have decided to, well, I mean, one of us more than the other has decided to part ways.

And we're fine and we don't really want to talk about it, but I suppose if you had questions, I will answer them. Yeah, that's totally right. And then he's quoted as saying, it doesn't even matter because, like, I could go by foot over the Siberian route and beat the Dedi-Di-on car anyway. I walk it better than the De Leon. Okay, I don't want to jump too far ahead, but does he try that? No, this is one of the things that seems to be inconsistent. But the bloody Abbott article says that he joined the American team. But in the book, I don't remember it.

There was no audio book version, so I just had to read this. entirely manually. I'm sorry. And, you know, with my TikTok generation brain. Yeah. Can't take it in. I read it six seconds at a time. See, I'm not TikTok.

I'm actually Vine. Oh, wow. I miss Vine. It is a huge move, though, to get fired by the losers and then join the winners. Smart. Good call. The Thomas Flyer led, you know, driven by Monty. Yep.

He was there going, let's, I just want to continue on on the race. Yeah, I'm loving this. But the Thomas team, and he was there with the local Chicago salesman, he's like, nah, stay. This is really good for business. We're moving units. Come to another banquet tonight. So he's staying for days.

He just wants to, he's like repairs and rest for a day or so and then go, but they're like, nah, no, no. And I think he ended up to say for like three days or something. Meaning everyone's sort of caught up to him, but. and then the Italian sort of zoomed off ahead for a bit. Yeah, but anyway, so they're hitting the road again. According to Fenster, as of Feb 29, when Monty Roberts and Schuster crossed the Mississippi, they were already more than a week behind schedule with little hope of arriving in Seattle by March 5,

which was their goal and a crucial pivot point in the interest of reaching Alaska in decent weather and making it for that, you know, that brief time when the ice was bridging between Alaska and Russia. Pretty crucial. Yeah. 17 days had passed since they left Times Square in New York by this stage. And they were driving for something like 12 hours each day. And the leading car, the Thomas at this stage, was averaging about seven miles per hour. Speedy.

So it was, because mainly they were like they were stopping and digging. Soma. Yeah, that's... Maybe they were driving 20 Ks or 20 miles per hour at times, but on average. Yeah, because I think six or seven kilometres an hour is walking pace. Right, so it's faster than walking on average. Yeah. It's about four as an average.

Oh, four? Four. So, yeah. So, yeah, like triple walking speed. So running speed? Hmm. Light jog? Yeah.

It'll be a light jog because... Yeah. It would just be a... No, it's a power walk. seven miles an hour anyway slow for a car Fencer says though

it was an excellent record given the roads and the weather well that's not a good sign and the amount of time devoted to digging at that rate though the Thomas would

would take a century to reach Paris or so it would seem to the men inside and this is this is the leading car and they're like fucking hell

by the time they're in Iowa the American team's travelling journalist T. Walter Williams had had enough of shoveling snow. So he was kind of expected to help with a lot of the manual labor. He's like, I'm a tip-dip-ty-tap on the tie-product. I'm a thinker.

And according to Garrett, he left in a huff, calling the event insanity. Yeah. Another reporter, George McCadam, replaced him in Seattle and traveled the rest of the way. McCadam sent back daily reports by telegraph, telephone and carrier pigeon, which helps date it a little bit. When the flyer was due to arrive in Boone, Iowa, three kids led by Willie Johnson. Another double dick. Oh, my God.

Borrowed their dad's car, put American flags on it and wore thick winter clothes and goggles, pretending to be adults, and drove into town to rapturous applause. Everyone's just thinking that's the flyer. And then the town's like, it looks a bit shitter than in the photos. Oh, they've come a long way. They've come a long way. And then they took off their outfits and went, huh,

that's Willie Johnson and the boys. You know, I swear local town kids. And they were pissing themselves and apparently the townspeople were like, that is a pretty good one. That is pretty good. Another great prank from Willie Johnson and the boys.

Those rascals. They're rascals, but they, you know, like they don't hurt anybody. Yeah. It's been a good, wholesome fun.

Yeah. It knows what a prank truly is. Just kids driving a car. They're not down. damaging anything. They took out a few pedestrians on the way, but... Kids will be kids. Kids will be kids.

The American team made it in town soon and they also got a very good response. I imagine everyone was half going like, yeah? Will are my kids again? They're like making Willie stand in the crowd so they know it's definitely not him again. Apparently a few people took advantage for a bit of fun while the race was in town. according to fencer, when a pair of motorists were pulled over for speeding, they told authorities that they were the French entrance in the New York to Paris race. We were just on our way to Seattle.

And for good measure, they complained about road conditions. I imagine they're doing like their best French accent. Oh, these road conditions. No good. It's how you say bad. But in this case and many others, the speeding charge was. dropped and the sheriff wished them well as they sped off again and apparently it's happened to a bunch of cops during these times. By the time they made it to Wyoming, they'd gained a decent

lead on the field. The Americans, the Zust was back in Omaha, the De Dion in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. They were stuck there for a while for repairs. Apparently it was noted somewhere that St. Chaffray started eating puff rice, which would be. become, you know, was becoming popular and was being mass produced in the recent years. He's like, oh, what is this? I got on a tangent reading about it. And the guy who industrialized puff rice, it'd been around for centuries, but he'd made it, you know, a factory thing. He exhibited at a world fair and called his machine the eighth wonder of the world.

A rice puffer. Oh, so good. That is good. Around this time, Monty Roberts leading the race was like, actually I'm due to compete in the Paris Grand Prix soon. So I'm going to head off. And he handed driving duties over to another guy. So people just started meeting him at the next town.

He's like, oh, we're going to switch over. The only constant was Schuster, the mechanic, the chassis expert. So according to Abbott, E. Lynn Matthewson, the son of General Agent for Thomas Cars in the Midwest was to drive the flyer through Wyoming to Utah. Then professional driver Harold Brinker would take command in Ogden. George Schuster would finally get, he wanted a drive and he would finally get his crack from Alaska through Siberia. Just the easy bits. Oh yeah.

You want to drive? You want to drive? Fine. You can drive Alaska to Siberia. Let's go. And then just to spit in his face a bit. they got back to the European roads, Monty would get back in the saddle.

Oh, delicious. Yeah, so it's like, yeah, he didn't love that idea. But anyway, that was the sort of plan. It's like letting your sibling play the water level of Mario. Yeah, that's right. And he's been there the whole time. They're off, rested and stuff. And the water level of brutal.

Do no, no, no, no, no. That's underground. Yeah. I can never think of the water one. Um. Yeah, that is it. In the meantime, Schuster continued to sacrifice himself for the journey when no one else would or could,

walking 10 miles in the dead of night to find gasoline and navigating the car out of gullies they couldn't avoid. So this happened to all the cars along the way. They had to dig themselves out of holes, basically. So it's like a shoveling contest at this stage. They're like, oh, we're in a hole again. They would have come back so ripped. Love the silver lining, glass half,

full attitude you have. Yeah. Tanks. Yeah. Their minds would have been fucked, but physically never looked better. Yeah. Peak of the shoulders and pecks. Oh.

Abbott continues, by the time the Americans left Wyoming, they were leading by two states. The Italians were starting to, across, was starting across Nebraska from Omaha, St. Chaffray still in Iowa, are waiting for parts of the Deion. while Lieutenant Copan what are we calling him HK Ah HK yeah In the Protos and Charles Goddard

In the Motto Blank Were just entering Iowa The Motto Block Was having mechanical trouble It was Batlin It had just like stacked so many times You know falling in a hole And just like

It had done bad damage Yeah It's like slapstick stuff Happening to that gun How many states Would you fall behind before you quit? One Well, it's hard when I wouldn't start, but yeah.

I reckon two. Because I'd be like, oh, one. I mean, if they got that far at once, then I could catch up at once. And if they got two, I'm like, okay, not a fluke. Yeah. Actually, I feel like I'm stubborn enough. If I did start, I wouldn't quit. Oh, I would have to be ruled.

Yeah, actually, there's a chance you could tortoise and the hare it. Yeah, exactly. A couple of states. If they're in a different country, I reckon I'd probably bail. Yeah. If they made it across the ice. Yeah, I'm out. Yeah.

I believe that that was the De Dion's strategy. Like, they let the American and the Italian car zoom off at times. Especially the Italian car would just zoom off at times, even when it was kind of unsafe to do. And they were like, we're just rabbit and hearing it. Yeah. So I think the American car to a similar degree, but they were just a faster car. Yeah.

Yeah. So Godard, Batlin. He's like, the car is dead now. He's like, I'm going to have to get it fixed. He decided to send it on a train to a bigger city where he could get it fixed. Yep. And then it would have it return to Iowa so he could continue the race. But then he had a better idea.

Why not just send the car all the way to San Francisco right to the West Coast? That's where we're going anyway. Cut out the middleman. Cheat? This was a blatant violation of the rules. Okay. So the plan was to do it and not be caught. Yeah.

Oh, okay. Unfortunately, loading up the car on a train with his, you know, there's his name, I think he's on the side. Yeah, it's quite obvious. Louis Vuitton's on the back on the, they sponsored the luggage. So he apparently got reported in some of the presses. Yeah. Them thinking his name was Vuitton. But so he's jumping on the train and all this old school cameraman with his old school slow to set up camera is setting up as the train's been loaded.

And Goddard spots him. And he's like trying his best to say, no, no, no. And then an interpreter comes and starts translating. He's saying stuff like, no, no, the car's private right now. Don't take a photo. The car's in private. No photos. It's getting changed.

The cameraman's just ignoring him, saying stuff like, things are going, well, here we go, setting up the camera. It's like, it's kind of nutty. But he's yelling and one of his teammates grabs a pickax. and he's threatening to smash the camera. And the cameraman's just unflappable. Then all of a sudden, these railway workers, these locals came and started standing by the cameraman going,

you keep setting up the camera, it's fine. Don't worry, we got you back. So they outnumbered the got on his team and they ended up having a back down. They ran over, tried to start putting a tarp on. The camera's still being set up. They're trying to cover the car with a tarp. Do comedy stuff.

And then they heard a flash. Yeah. He got him. He was taken. He's like, we're done. We're done. And they were out of the race. I guess it's true that luck can run out.

Yeah. Yeah. The lucky streak was officially over. Yeah. It wasn't even just like over. It's like an incredible lucky streak followed by nothing but bad luck. Yeah. That's off a cliff face.

Nightmare stuff the whole way through. And he couldn't, like he cheated in ways that worked. Yeah. Like he bent the rules. quite a bit, I think, in last race. I don't think he ever quite, did he get this blatant? I can't remember, but... He was cheeky before, now he's just full it and cheating.

Yeah, cheaty. According to Abbott, he received a cable from the owners of his car, quote, quit race, sell car, come home. Motoblock was finished, leaving only four cars. So, I mean, it was kind of his car, but his financiers. Yeah, we're cutting our loss here, mate. Yeah, yeah. It was funny, the poet.

So that was how cables normally went. It cost per word. Apparently the poet at one point to the marvel of, maybe it was Cedar Rapids. This was one town. He was like, this is a great town. He hit a really good mood. And he sent a cable that was hundreds of words long. It cost like a hundred bucks in those days money.

And everyone was like, what the fuck is going? I've never seen a telegram that goes on this long. He's just still talking. They couldn't believe it. Wow. And he's going, every third word's peasants. The peasants are looking at me. Just post a letter.

Yeah, pigeons. Pigeons. Grab a pigeon. Get yourself a pitch. Oh, they'd be too bogged down with a letter that long. A pigeon can't take off. Sorry, we have a weight limit. But then the bottom of the scrolls just scraping along the American desert.

So Harold Brinker is now behind the wheel of the Thomas Flyer from Utah to Nevada. And around the border of death vassette. arriving in San Francisco the third week of March, 900 miles ahead of his closest competitor, the Zost. So they're a long, long way ahead now. I'm saying San Francisco in full because I just saw a comment on one of our really old episodes where a local San Franciscans like, you pronounce a lot of local things right, but you lost local San Francisco when you said San Fran.

So I'm not, I don't know, they don't like San Fran. Okay. Which is weird. What a gift you've got in your name there? Yeah. Cisco, the Siskins? Cisco kids. Sisk.

The song song? Down to the Sisko. Yeah. San Sisk. Yeah. Have you tried that? I think that's our natural instinct. Yeah.

The Australian is very like compress it, crush it. Why would you say San Francisco? Too long. I think I sort of get, I try not to care. And I generally am like, it doesn't worry me. And I'd certainly, you know, when people are like, it's Melbourne, not Melbourne. I don't care about that. I love it when an American say Melbourne.

It makes my ears feel ticklish. It's like, ooh, that's not right. But it does, the one that makes me feel a bit weird is when Americans call Australia Aussie. Yeah, we're heading over to Aussie. So weird. I think that, I mean, it doesn't worry me. It just sort of feels funny.

You're like. But I have, I've never seen an Australian call us Aussies like, OZ, Z, I. We don't do that. But I've seen like listicles of people talking. talking about things I've noticed in Australia and calling us Aussies written with an O. I guess that makes sense, right? It was A-U-U-S-S-I-E. It's A-U-S-S-I-E.

That's Aussie. Yeah. Yeah, but I think why maybe Americans say Aussie, because I read, they would read, because I think Americans would spell that with a Z, and that's why they write O-Z. So it makes sense. We're not, we're not so different, but I love these cultural differences. It's beautiful. But yeah, so.

They're much better at spelling things phonetically over there. We are. I think I prefer... Because we get a lot of our shit from England, right? Who don't know how to spell things phonetically? No. Worcestershire and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah.

I think I prefer Americans saying Melbourne, rather than Melbourne. It is very nice when they put in the effort, but then it's like if their accent is so different. Yeah, yeah. It's so noticeable. It's so like, you said the word wrong. And then if they nail it, you're like, that's scary too.

Just say Melbourne. If people can nail a Melbourne accent, it's scary, right? Yeah. If you see someone, like, I know, someone who's British and if they pronounce Australian words correctly, I'm like, how did you do that? How did you, you're not meant to be able to do that. I'm allowed to do your one.

You can't do mine. I'm allowed to do your one, gufda. In the way, all right. In fact, all right. We've just lately started loving saying gorgeous in an English accent. Gorgeous. Only I can say it. What do you say?

Matt sounds creepy when he does it. You're all gorgeous. Oh, gross. But I thought the point of it was to be gross. You sound like a pirate. Jesse, do it. I was doing it on an episode we did recently, but I was just going, what was it? Hello, gorgeous.

They're really different vibes coming from three new. He's creepy. Oh, no. It's how a pirate would say it to a captored maiden. Yarr, gorgeous. Walk the pack of me, gorgeous. So yeah, Harold Brinker is now behind the wheel of the flyer. We got Zust ages behind and they're, you know,

the next in line. According to Garrett, after San Francisco, the task of driving the flyer fell to Schuster. Finally gets his go. The figure of Schuster was so unheralded that the Times, the official newspaper of the race, if they ever mentioned him, they misspelled his name in every way possible. But his mechanical acumen kept the car running through blizzards, sub-zero temperatures and sandstorms. At each overnight stop, he returned to the flyer and repaired fresh damage. The flyer had no heater and no top, not even a windshield, as discussed before.

He was actually just super skilled. Yeah. Yeah, he's a genuine badass. The record of the Thomas car from New York to San Francisco was a remarkable feat the New York's Times set at the time. Many skeptics declared when the New York to Paris races started out from New York in the dead of winter, none of them would get across. to Wyoming until summer.

Some of them would not reach Chicago and a few that they could not even leave the state of New York. And that was true for one of them. They knocked that out of the park. But they were like, this is impossible. It's still in New York. So yeah, they're going,

it can't be done. Not in the wintertime. So they were just like, holy shit, even just to make it here, which is not even really halfway of the race. Just to get nominated, you know.

The Americans, then prepared to ship the flyer on a freighter to Seattle. After a two-day trip there, it would be transferred to a cargo ship headed to Valdez in Alaska. Brinker beg Schuster to let him continue driving with the team. Even as an assistant, he's like, just let me come along. This is so much fun. But Schuester's like, no, this is my time to shine.

Fuck off. Oh, yeah. Abbott continues. On Wednesday, April 8th, the flyer touched Alaskan soil. The welcoming committee consisted of the entire population of Valdez. few of whom had ever seen a car. Schuster wasted no time investigating the Valdez Fairbanks Trail. This is how they were going to move on, try to make it over to the bloody straight to get across to Russia.

And within a day is like the only way we can get through Alaska even would be to fully dismantle the car and put it on the back of a dog sled. He let the Parisian race committee know this. and they abandoned the idea of Alaska and the Bering Strait crossing. They didn't even make it to try the Bering Strait to see if they could. The whole reason for them doing it in winter and having to shovel all this snow. Yeah, was to get to, yeah. They didn't even get to the straight to test the wild theory that they could drive across. I'd just like to say, cowards.

Yeah, agreed. Yeah. Doing a dog's job. So, I mean, 114 years of past since. Has anyone been able to cross the Bering Strait? According to the ABC News, for just a few weeks each year, the 56-mile channel fills with enough ice

to make a passage feasible, but the ever-shifting flows and the dangers of being crushed between giant icebergs or slipping into the freezing waters have so far defeated every attempt to make the crossing. So it hasn't happened. So people have given it a crack and died? I guess so.

I know I did see one guy... Sucks to suck. I believe one guy has finally made it across in a land vehicle, but that was like a Toyota land cruiser converted into a boat. So it's floated across. So I think technically you got through that loophole that there's, it is a car. It's got land in the name. So what did they do?

So they got to Alaska and they were like, oh, no, actually plants fucked. Well, yeah, the committee, including St. Schaffray is still in the race. Yeah. They're like, we've got to figure out a new route. The new plan. So, well, firstly, the committee told the American team to head back to Seattle. So they've cost themselves a lot of time. Oh, my God.

The protest was in trouble back in Ogden, Utah, when Copen received word that the new plan was for the cars to sail from Seattle straight over to Vladivostok. I think in the end, they went via Japan, doesn't matter. And then drive to Paris from there. this news wasn't good for Copen and the Protost team with HK Copen riding the situation was almost impossible we're not ready I could only keep from completely falling out of the race but it was impossible without catching the train so he contacted since Chaffray with his predicament Chaffray has been in contact with him about the new year's and I think he maybe feels a bit silly Chaffray about this whole plan coming and he's like the only way I can make it is by

catching the train to the coast and then starting again with you all. He's like, but the New York Times is seeming to say that that's against the rules. And St. Chaffray apparently wrote back, I'm the leader of this race. I was appointed by Lamatta. What the New York Times says is nonsense. Let your car come by railroad. So he was given permission. And he did.

He chucked his car on the train and they all met in Seattle. So he didn't see anything LaMatta with that. That's right. fucking out, Cass. This deep into an episode. She's still on. She's good. Meaning that while the Americans were still heading back from Alaska,

the rest of the field arrived in Seattle and set sail for Russia. So now the American team went from well in front to behind. Yeah, second boat. They slip further behind as they struggled to organize their Russian visas. Why didn't they do that before? Yeah, that seems like an oversight. I mean, they literally were having a car ride for months and they didn't think to... Nobody could jump online and sort of out.

Phone ahead. Or I wonder if the rotating drivers, if they ever knew who would be driving at the time? Alternatively, did they think that because they were driving a fucked way, that no one would stop them and that's what didn't need a visa? Oh, very good point. They were never, yeah, they weren't getting on a boat and having an grocery custom. No, they were just going across ice. Yeah, good point. Yeah, very good point.

Did you come by boat? No. I've been here this whole time. According to Abbott, the Italian and French teams were forging across Japan when the race committee made another decision. You can't keep doing that. Oh, they can. No, this was, they're like, this does seem unfair. So in recognition of the time the flyer lost detouring through Alaska, going the way they were told to go, the American team was given an allowance of 15 days, which meant essentially that the Zust and the De Dion could beat the flyer into Paris by two weeks.

lose. So the time got out and subtracted from their time at the end of the race. That's so funny because like you win the race and you just feel nothing because you haven't actually won the race. Yeah, you have to wait two weeks to see if they're going to find. This committee should committee to a solid set of rules, I reckon. I mean, she does it again. The great, greatest race of all time for nothing.

It's the greatest organized race. Yeah. Greatest executor race. Everything is spot on. The protost was also penalised 15 days for taking the train across Western Saints. They went to... They asked for permission. You said, yeah, no worries, but you'll be penalised.

Yeah, which I think is probably reasonable. Obviously... So if they win, they've got to wait a month to find out if they won. Your man Goddard, he was disqualified for doing the same thing, but he didn't seek permission. Yeah. They were given permission, but they're like, I mean, if they were told, you can get on the train, but we're going to, sub you 15 weeks. They would have to be like, good deal,

because we won't. We'll have to jump, like, leave your race. 15 weeks would have been a bad deal, but 15 days though. Very, very reasonable. Yeah. Sorry,

I was saying how long I thought this episode had been going off. I would say, knowing God out as I do as we all do. Yes. If they said, hey, if you ask permission, we'll only give you a 15 day penalty. He would have been like risking it. Yeah, yeah, that's right.

I'm not going to ask. I'm simply going to be there 15 days faster. He's a man who will roll dice. Give him some dice. He'll roll. Oh, jingle, jangle, what's that? Is that the click, clack of dice in a pocket? Yeah.

Baby needs a new pair of pants and stuff like that. Yeah. Actually, you just say, sure. He'd say baby needs a new pair of pants, but it would be in French or something. I don't know what that is. And he'd say what and he'd say sure. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, so they weren't disqualify, but they were panellised.

In Russia, the poet Scarfoglio wrote that the great men of the Russian government all covered with gold lace told us all the reasons our trip was a bad idea. Did we listen? No. We, and some of this was far-fetched, but this is, just to put, if they weren't already going, this is going, this is going to be hard. Russians told them that they would be met, I didn't even look up what this means, they would be met by Chinese brigands, Manchurian tigers, fever, plague, pestilence, famine, to say nothing of the mud after three months of rain, mosquitoes as big as locusts, and other similar delights. That sounds really fun That's a holiday I'd like to take

Sounds good Been told you're going to be met with Pasterolence is ominous Yeah Just in your car with no roof No eyelids Sorry

Windshield No eyelids I can't have eyelids I guess I guess the Yeah The windshield is the eyelid of the car And also after driving in the snow

For that long Potentially no eyelids That's right Frostby they just snap off It might be You'll be eating that One day Blink your last blink.

Never thought about that, yeah. Yeah. There will be a last blink. There will be a last blink. Oh my God. And I remember my first. You won't remember my last, I don't.

God, you don't appreciate blinks. Yeah. I'm so aware of them now as I'm doing them. I feel like I'm overdoing it. Now I'm underdoing it because I was, I was scared I was blinking too much. Can you feel it counting down? As long as you save it.

As long as you savour each one, it's fine. Oh, yeah, that was good. A little counter appears above our head and we're like, what does that mean? It turns out it's how many blinks we have. It's why the number's so big. And I'm like, it's, wow. Oh, yeah, yeah, yours is big.

Mine is it? Your says 10. Matt, finish the report. That's important thing. Don't go tell people you love them. Finish the report. There's no time. I can't give you your phone back to make some phone calls.

Finish the report. So in Vladavostok, it was decided that the cars would all restart the race together. When Schuster arrived at the hotel, tell, he as well as the Italian team, were summoned to St. Chaffray's room. As it turned out, his de Dion was toast, and he wanted to make a deal, saying, there's no petrol. There is no means of getting any petrol. What there was, I've got.

And I can offer it to the car, which will agree to take me on board. So he's doing, he's wheel and a dealing. Yeah. The Italians sort of see that as blackmail. And it pisses them right off. Yeah, fair enough. They storm out of the room going, how dare you? How dare you insult us with this?

Shouting at St Chaffray. And they weren't saying Maltobeni. Let me tell you that. Oh my God, cosy, cosy. They were getting warmer. Since Chaffray was unperturbed. Swim suit, swimsuit. That was my favourite.

That was my, as a, did you do a few years of Italian? That was my favourite. Cozy-cozy. It means like so-so. Commer to Chiami? Cozy-cozy. Comit-Cami is what is your name. Gousy-Cozy.

How do you say, how are you again? Commer-Stai. Coma-Ci. Cozy-cozy. I'm glad you said that before my trip to the fashion capital. Chadston. Chadston. Yes, I'm going to meet one of my Italian friends with.

Hopefully you know their Kiami. Did I a swimsuit? So he's making this deal, right? St. Schaffre is willing to deal. He's invited people in his room. The Italians did not like it. He was unperturbed. Then he stated that he could get a seat in the German machine easy.

I could get on the protest, no worries. I want a seat in the German machine. Almost too easy. But Schuster, I want to be with you because I think you're going to be the winner. Schuster, can I sit next to you? I want to sit next to you. Apparently, Schuster replied that he would think about it. And he said, I'll get back to you, quietly left the room.

As soon as he and the journalist who was with him, McCatum, were alone, he let his fury fly. Schuster was like, what the fuck, how dare he? This dog, what a dog, what a low dog. But he would have been saying in an old timely language like, this year old fuck. What an old canine? So he's like, there's no way.

He said he would prefer to live the rest of his life in Vladivostok than travel with St. Chaffray in the fly. People are so dramatic. You will find us in our cars. It's so cool to just make huge, huge, huge, aggressive claims like this and know they're on the record. He's talking to a journalist. Yeah.

Yeah, that's right. Rather die than have that motherfucker sit next to me. Yeah, are they also, some of the American draw, I think it was Shuster of the, or Monty would be like leaving towns going, oh, this one guy, this mayor of a town, spent so much time making the roads around his town perfect. And he's like, I just want to make a really great impression,

and he made him all so perfect. And then Monty apparently, or maybe Oshuster said to him, oh, these are the best roads we've driven on since we left New York. And apparently the mayor, whoever, like, visibly, beamed. But then apparently... Gust up. And then, like, he said to the journalist

he's leaving the town or another town, he's like, oh, this whole, that whole state there's a hole in the ground sort of thing. It's just like, you're saying that on the record. Oh, my God. Yeah, baffling. Just, why not... Just zip it.

You're being charming to the face. Yeah. I guess when you're shoveling through snow and stuff, you're probably not thinking into the future and how... Yeah. And hurting people's feelings. They also didn't have the internet, so maybe that was fun. Yeah.

Just talking shit and seeing what happens. Yeah, you don't have candy crush. So, like, maybe just putting it out there, like, planting a seat of hate in the world and watching it bloom is a bit nice. Yeah. Bit of a laugh. There was one. This little town's hotel put up one of the teams.

And then that journalist, I think it was the guy who quit the race in a huff. He wrote that it was, that town didn't even have a hotel. It was so bad. And the woman who ran the hotel, read it and was heartbroken. Oh. She's like, you know, she's making their meals and she's doing, like, thinking, I'm putting on the, you know, the best for these guys. And then she's like, oh, that's brutal. Luckily, the local paper came to a fence and did this article going.

If this, what he thinks of this hotel, which is a fine establishment with the best dinners in the area, then I'm, I don't think you can trust anything he says. Oh, that makes me want to cry. Oh, me too. Yeah, it made me feel so. Heartbroken. So glad that the local journalists had her back, but yeah, it's making me glad that I'm not in charge of a newspaper because I would easily get hotheaded over something like that and be like, race car driver can get fucked.

Um, yeah, so anyway, so, so, so Schuster's pee, peed righto. Yeah. I mean, put it that way. Yeah. Um, but he, he just wasn't ready to say it to, St. Chaffray yet. They figured, so now they're like, we don't have gasoline. St. Chaffray's got it all. We've got to go and figure it out. So Schuster went to work. He made his way around the town.

He went to the docks. He begged for gas. Any of the boats had any spare. He took it. He bought it if they would sell it to him. Then he went to a department store called Kuntzunelbers. And they had some spare gas in the storeroom. he took that as well

and he he got a fair bit of gas and he's like great now I know I don't even need him fuck him anyway but I'm not even desperate enough to need him anyway so the next morning

since Chaffray knocked on Schuster's door thinking all right let's make arrangements I got the gas I'll give it to you let's go wait a playlist Oh shotgun Do I get shotgun or instead

as Schuster said in as few words possible that he had all the gas he needed. Do you reckon he said that? I've got all the gas I need. Yeah. Got gas. Fuck you. That's less words.

Yeah. Even talking cost money at the time. Yeah. And while St. Chaffray is trying to sort of talk his way out of it, she used to just shut the door in his face. That's the best. That's got gas.

Fuck you. Yeah. It wasn't just word economy in like telegrams. That's just how they talk. I hope the door closing was just as slow as the trying not to get a photo taken. Yeah. Car being loaded onto a train. So slow.

He had so many opportunities. Like he just was leaning across. Huh? Ah? Are we leaving? A lot of gasoline. I got what you need. So on the evening of May the 21st,

St. Chaffray quietly transferred the rights of all the gasoline to the Italian Zuss team. I guess he's like, well, shot the door on my face. The Italian yelled at me. I guess I'll give it to them. So yeah, he gave it to them and he sort of collected his stuff and jumped on the trans-Siberian railway.

The way it was written in the book was when the heating in the train started to thaw his feet, he knew that his race was finally over. I could feel my feet, I guess. Far out. I can feel my toes again. That's crazy. The New York to Paris race had been born in his mind But that didn't mean anything in Vladivostok

He boarded the train and his race was over Shuster received a telegram from the Thomas factory in Buffalo asking do you want us to send Monty Roberts to help you When you get on the good roads of Europe Which is about really rubbing it in Like you know like we planned We'll grab Monty the real popular guy He'll jump back in and just do the bit over the finish line

Go have a few feasts and that sort of stuff Yeah. Keep one to you go. Privately, Schuster said he was so mad he could have eaten nails. Oh my God. We should be that dramatic. Yeah. So originally.

I'm so mad I could eat nails. Originally I started as a Goddard guy. Quickly became a Triple H guy. Yeah. This could be my new guy. Yeah. You're on board the Schuster train? See if you get, I mean, he was a man a few words.

See if you get. And one emotion. Ango. Yeah. But he disguises it, I think, pretty well. So the question came, do you want us to send Monty Roberts to help you when you get on the good roads of Europe? And Schuster replied, July 9, arrived today. Expect to reach Paris on July 24.

Schuster. Didn't even answer. He's like, I got it. I'll be there. See you soon. God gasped. Fuck Monty. There's a real between the lines, fuck you there, right?

Oh, yeah. Ignoring the question. Yeah. See you in Paris. I'm guessing that was a joke. I won't even answer. According to Abbott, the suggestion that he was good enough to drive the fly through the bogs of Siberia, but not through the capitals of Europe, impelled him.

Despite deadened nerves and aching limbs, he was now only a day ahead of the protos and determined to maintain his lead. It was a day ahead, but also kind of a month plus a day because of penalties. There was one problem. Schuster kept getting lost. The Russians couldn't understand. his hand signals and the Americans couldn't understand Russian. One wrong turn he took cost the Americans 15 hours. That's a brutal wrong turn.

Driving in Sydney once I took one left hand turn that added 15 minutes to my journey and it was the journey from Melbourne to Sydney and I reckon that was almost breaking point. 15 hours. Have you ever missed the turnoff before the Westgate? Oh yeah. Yes. Yeah. They changed that off ramp to make it like a.

K earlier than it was initially. And if you just, you know, you're auto piling and you're like, oh, wait. And then you've got to go over the bridge. Oh my God. Once I got stuck in the wrong lane twice and went back, so went over the Westgate, back over the Westgate,

got back to where I wanted to go and then had to go back over the Westgate. You would have thought about doing a hard veer left off the Westgate at some point. Do you remember one time I was like half an hour late to the podcast because I had missed the 10? And we were recorded late at night.

So I just said them a voice. by me going, just start without me. And then I got off at their first exit over the Westgate. It was closed. So I had to keep going to the second and then turn around to come back. It was a nightmare. I was half an hour late. So you can imagine how Schuster fell. Yeah, yeah. 15 hours. After driving for so long. I reckon he's ready to eat nails again. Time for his favourite snack. I mean, at this point, just carry a bag of nails with you.

Yeah. Back to Abbott. Worse than the wrong turn, the flyer sunk into a mud hole and needed days' worth of repairs. She used to heard that Lieutenant Copern had left St. Petersburg the same day and was on his way to securing a three-day lead. The Italians remained 3,000 miles behind. Abbott continues at 6.15pm on Sunday, July 26, 5 and a half months and 21,933 miles from the start in Times Square. where Lieutenant Copan arrived in Paris. A delegation of editors from the Lamatta greeted him with tepid enthusiasm and served a cold buffet at his reception because they knew were the penalties.

Yeah. But amazing. It still made this wild journey. And everyone's like, oh, we can't celebrate you as the winner yet. Yes. Let's not heat up the food. Welcome. That seems like the appropriate level of excitement.

What are we got leftovers? Just put them out. HK. Welcome. We'll be celebrating in 15 days now just. Yeah. Cheers. With his canapes.

Yeah. So Schuster had finally started getting back on track. Yeah. And at the same time when Copan was crossing the finishing line, he was having breakfast at the Imperial Automobile Club of Berlin, where several people congratulated him on his good showing. Hey, you're still in a race, you've done pretty well. What an effort.

Yeah. I imagine that would have made him absolutely want to eat nails. Yeah. He would be like, actually, I'm still technically. If you look at the time between now and the finish line, I'm fucking coming first. Still, technically. But because communication was not his strength,

he didn't bother telling them that the protests ultimately would be docked two weeks for using the train and the American West and that the flyer was allotted two extra weeks for attempting the trip to Alaska. She used to had a month to get to Paris and still win the race. He didn't tell him that. He didn't need to. Yeah. Or he just didn't know how.

He was so full of rage. He couldn't get the words out. He couldn't speak for him now. There was a lot of scars in his gums. He didn't need anywhere near that much time though. As Schuster and his crew arrived four days later on July 30th. Then all of a sudden, when the finish line was within reach, drama hit once more. It was a law, it was against the law for cars to drive at night in France without headlights.

and he did not have any. That is so funny. According to Abbott, a crowd of Americans rushed from a nearby cafe and tried to explain, but the officer waved them away. The law is the law, and without headlights, the driver had to be placed under arrest. Why are there so many finish-light arrests? That's the second race in a row. Except this time it's the winner being arrested.

Well, almost the winner. Well, he's got 26 days to figure out of jail. He's got to get out of jail and get the car across the line. From his jail cell, he's looking out the window at the finish line and a clock that's slowly ticking. No, luckily it didn't come to that because a cyclist rode up and saw what was going on. Punched the cop. Punched the cop. And he said, go, go, go, go.

He's not looking. You're illegally allowed to do this now. The cyclist had a lot on his bike. He chucked his bike in the car next to Schuster. And that was enough to pickate the policeman. It's all right, you've got a light now But it's coming from a bite Yeah, perfect

Don't take the light off the bike Just yeah perfect That's hanging over the dash Great So if your headlights ever go out, listeners, just turn on a torch In the driver's seat And that's enough, that's fine

Good to go That's right worthy That's advice you can take to the bank Yeah Take to a cop Yeah So finally after a 169 days The fly across the finish line

To win the race Apparently though the organisers still took weeks to calculate the winner They don't quite know why There must have been more to it Or yeah I don't know if the penalties hadn't been fully decided or what But yeah For some reason it took a while To figure it out

But eventually they said the fly beat the protest By 26 days The Zust which trailed the fly by 48 days Was third And the final car to complete the race So three of the six cars made it all the way Which really is incredible Very impressive

And again no death So death. Isn't that amazing? Yeah. It's too long. Time could have just potentially killed someone accidentally. Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. Six months? Who knows? Oh, we don't know. That's not our business, to be honest. How many blinks have we got?

Oh, my God. Matt, not many. Not many. What are we up to? I can't see. Don't worry about it, mate. Just keep reading. While Schuster didn't want Monty Roberts to swan in for the glory at the end of the race, he graciously insisted that he'd be present for the Flyers' Tramphant return to Times Square on August 17, 1908. So, yeah.

So that's, the moment Shuster thought he was getting arrested, it would have been so funny for Monty. Just to run in from the sidelines, jump in. Yeah, just roll the last little bit. I'm the one who committed a crime. I can finish. He still doesn't have any lights on, but the cops like, go, I don't see any issue with you driving. The victory was the first time an American car won an international competition, and it had immediate consequences.

According to Schultz, World War I. According to Schuster's great grandson, Jeff Marl, the race proved the automobile to be a reliable and dependable form of transportation. Oh yeah, that's my one takeaway from this. It's amazing, yeah, it's so funny that the takeaway wasn't, don't drive in the snow, whatever you do. It was like, wow. It works.

It's always got lights on them. Cars work and if worst case scenario, just bring your horse in, horse and fix it. Yeah. If your horse has a headlight. It also marked the rise of the American automobile to prominence. Before 1908, most people thought Europeans built the better cars, but this race was seen to prove that the Americans could build a good car. According to Garrett, indeed, sales of American cars soared in the following years.

The race also generated scathing editorials decrying the state of American roads. improvements began immediately. Asphalt was invented in 1910. Ground was broken for the Lincoln Highway, the United States first transcontinental road in 1912. So things quickly changed after the race. Yeah, over the next few years. And not coincidentally, this big road, this transcontinental road,

went from Times Square to San Francisco. So they're like, let's build a road. So the next time we do one of these. Coast to coast. Yeah. Wow. According to Schuster, ER Thomas, the boss of Thomas Motor Company, asserted that the race cost him 100 grand and that we just don't have that kind of money.

And that was his justification for not paying Schuster the 10 grand to which he felt entitled for six months worth of 24 hour round the clock work. So he just didn't get paid. He didn't get paid. He won the race and got fuck all. And Thomas was like this cost a lot actually So yeah It was a bit spinnow

Yeah the machines cost money The machine get money Not to you Man get no money But instead But I did pay Monty Oh yeah Monty got paid Oh yeah it was the face of it

Will I'm Monty Instead of getting paid Shuster was instead Promised a job for life At the Thomas company Thank you for your hard work Here's work More work

Your reward is work Yeah Unfortunately that didn't turn out to be very long as they went into receivership four years later. So I guess he was right that they couldn't afford to pay. Yeah, yeah. So in the end, you'd think, oh, so good for the company, but it costs them so much that it ruined them. Yeah.

And they didn't sell enough more cars to make up for it. Brutal. They did great for the industry as a whole, but their company was the sacrificial lamb sort of. I can imagine that Schuster died mad. With nails as male. What do you reckon? Long life or died bitter soon after? I reckon, and look, I know I've brought this up a lot, but I reckon he dies in World War I.

I reckon old age. I reckon he's the ones in his mouth were the ones in his coffin. Alternatively, he survives long enough, dies in World War II. Okay. Schuster was also never paid the $1,000 prize that he was supposedly meant to claim from the automobile club of America. But 60 years after the race, the New York. York Times made good on the debt at a banquet honoring Schuster, then 95 years old. Holy shit! He expressed depreciation, but noted that the grand did not have the same

buying power in 1968 as it would have in 1908, which is a fair call. So it's like, thanks very much for this gesture, but you know I'm not an idiot. Like $1,000 is not that much now. Yeah. Get the abacus and figure out a bit of inflation. Just because like it's been 60 years or whatever, that's actually fuck all. And he just, it's a wad of cash and he just throws it in their face. Like I literally, I could, fuck you. I wipe my shit with it.

The media, like the New York Times would have been doing well in the 60s. I guess they probably couldn't have spared any more cash in. But I mean, the tone wasn't really mean. They had a whole square named after them. Yeah, they were doing it tough. I was sort of, I read it as a bit of a tongue and cheek joke, but now thinking back to all this, all this sort of dramatic. It's a fuck you.

He was probably being straight up. Yeah. He's like, this is fucked. Yeah. This makes up for nothing. And also, I'm 95. Yeah. I go.

This does nothing for me now. Well, he did live on for another four years. He died in 1972 at the ripe old age of 99. He would have been ripe. Didn't quite make it to 100. And all good things must come to an end. And as does my report right now, which I believe is now officially the longest by some margin of all time. I'll edit as much of it as.

I can. Wow, this episode's just Matt. Yeah, that's all that. We introduced guests, but they didn't talk. And we're joining us today, and they've started the race. They did, 100 years later, they did another race, and his great-grandson was involved in 2008. Oh, you're going to tell us about that?

Do you have time? Yes. And preparations began. That was good fun, and they used some really old. school cars, but and the Thomas fly when they went out of business. Matt, save this for your next report.

Yeah. We'll get Cass and Douche back. Round three. Yeah. If we don't find Dave in time. I don't know if I ever want to talk about this again. Thank you so much, Cass and douche for taking us through that journey

in the side car. Well, yeah, thank you so much for bringing us alongside your journey. And look, this was a long episode, but it was a long race, so thematically it's relevant. It's accurate. It was good to be in the car that was pulled by you, the stallion, at the front of the house. And it was great to have doucheer out the front with a stick.

Yes. Poking in the snow. Yeah, this is good. This is good. Oh, no, this is whole. You can't avoid this. As the chassis expert. Shashi inspector.

And Jess, enjoying the feasts as we got to the towns. Yeah, that's me. And forgetting to mention that the three of us are involved. First in line at the buff. So if people do want to find you, where can they? The website is the best spot. I know that. SanspansRadio.com.

That's it. You can just head to BIOS and there'll be a photo of me and a photo of Cass. You click on us and all the shows are there. But the shows I'm on, Plumbing the Death Star, thumb cramps, which is a video game review podcast, baseless speculation, and how good's footy. So four weekly podcasts, it's a lot. And Cass, what shows are you on? I'm on shut up a second

That's a weekly one It's a silly one It's very fun I'm on some D&Ds for nerds I don't think I'm on the current season So go back So you can hear a girl All the boys are nervous

I don't know what to do When everyone sounds shy No If you go back further enough The girl won't be me So just lose a look in the show Just have a look Yeah

Yeah that's where I And sometimes I'm on random pods talking about video games I've played thumb cramps. Mostly it's just whatever Mark Zuckerberg has, Zuckerberg has decided that I might like, I jump onto Instagram, he's like, you want brain dom? I'm like, yeah, yeah, I want that. Thanks, Mark. I reckon you're pushing towards official, uh, what, fifth beetle level on this.

Oh yeah, definitely. Yeah. So is our fourth beetle. You might be a fifth. No, Ringo's a fifth beetle. You might be our sixth beetle. Yeah. And I was just thinking like I'm having Deja over having this conversation, but Dave and I said it to Cass.

The last time she was here was when you weren't here. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Whoa. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah.

Beas and people. I always see people love having you on. No one's mentioned digit butt. I'm just happily announced now that me and Mason are going to go head to head for, uh, do go on guesting. So yeah, get me a jewel. Yeah, a jewel. Bring us both on and we'll fight. Mason doesn't know about this.

Actually, no, it makes it too far as you for the gum. No, I quit, actually. Anyway, thank you so much for joining us. I'm so sorry, but you are not allowed to stay here for the Patreon rate. We won't allow it. We will not do that to you. Yeah, no. Hey, thank you so much.

And to all of your patrons, I hope the shout-out part is excellent. Yeah, to any Patreon who skipped ahead to the shout-out. Go back. You miss some good stuff. A lot of people do it. It's everyone's favorite section of the show. Anyway, later's... Bye.

Bye. Now it's time for everyone's favorite section of the show. Well done getting through this far, already longer than maybe any episode we've done before. But I'm so excited to welcome back for the first time in, I think, six weeks. It's Master David Warnocky. Hello, everybody. I'm back. I'm alive.

Just completed a race from New York City all the way to Peking. Paring. No. Parui. On New York to Paris, this one. Which is where you were. I actually was in Paris for a couple of nights on my travels. So that's where the race ended.

We learned that France was a powerhouse of early motor car. Fantastic. Well, I mean, in many ways, continue with Le Mans. Yeah. And Grand Prix, as Doucher mentioned, is a French term. Oh, my goodness. They're all over. They're all over there.

I was there all along. It was running fun of us. Yes, but great to be back with you. Thank you so much for holding the fork down. I've been listening to a lot of the episode. I haven't heard this one yet because I haven't come out, but I've been listening to the episodes. You've done a fantastic job, can I just say.

Oh, that's very nice to you say. It's been enjoyable just listening to the show as a listener. It's very fun. I had the same one, the Chow Chiller episode. I really enjoyed listening to that. I'm like, ah, there's a fun show to listen to when I'm not on it. I know. It's a lot harder when you've got your own annoying voice in the mix, but without it,

Oh, yeah. It's fun. I see what the fuss is about. There's a lot of fuss as well. Oh, too much. Stop fussing. Stop fussing. Stop fussing everyone.

So do you want to fill people in on where you've been and what you've been up to? I've been traveling. I went on a holiday with my wife. And then for a while there were with her family too, which was great. We went to did a bit of Italy. Went to Prague for the first time. You've been to Irish pub in Prague, I assume. I've been to Prague a few times.

Love Prague. Fantastic, beautiful city. It's Prague, the one, I went to this bar a couple of times I was there. Okay, who was playing? No one was playing. But it was like the whole thing was sort of made out of robotic parts. It's a pretty vague memory, but it was like, it felt like it was just out of town, and everything was sort of mechanical, and it was sort of like a bit of a labyrinth.

Oh, that sounds great. I missed the robot bar. Yeah, possibly making that up. But, yeah, no, it's funny because half the time you were away, I was away as well. But we just recorded a bunch of episodes in the weeks before. Yeah, you were smashing them out. Yeah, but after you leaving before me leaving, we recorded a bunch of these. But, yeah, I was up in, I went from Adelaide to Darwin in that same time.

Long journey. While you were in the desert, I was in the desert. I was in Morocco and the Sahara whilst you were there. So that was kind of cool. Yeah, you rode a camel. There was some plan for me to write a camera but never happened. I ended up mopping a crocodile.

I did not mop any crocodile, so that's something. That was something I did not expect to happen. That's quite the experience, I imagine. Yeah, it was very surreal. Mop to crock? Mop to crock. Yeah, just another day. And then, yeah, and then I finished,

you know, I went to a couple other places in Europe, Amsterdam, which is great, and Copenhagen. Oh, yeah, what did you get up to in Amsterdam? 420 some, yeah, all right. Bit of fun there. And then I went, walked along the canals, as you would call them. Oh, the canals. The canals.

Love a canal. And also a canal. Oh. Copenhagen, love that. I could live there. Oh, wow. Okay. If there are any Danish people out there who are willing to adopt me, I'd love it.

Maybe they're queen or princess. Oh, yes. That'd be great. I'd love to. Is she a queen there yet? There's a queen there. Fantastic. And the Royal Household?

Oh, Princess. Is that a different country? No, that is there. Yeah, she's there. She's just waiting in the wings. Absolutely. And I saw where they live. Once she takes over, I imagine Australia takes over

Denmark. I think that's how it works. Yeah. And then finally finished up in London where I met a bunch of listeners at the book sheet live show that I did. A one off fantastic. So cool.

People came up at the end. I gotta say the number one thing people said was when I'm at and Jess coming back. When can you get all three of you back? So I'm just putting it out there. People are very keen. in at least London town. I'm very keen.

Yes. And, yeah, hopefully we can get something together. It's hard to get all of our schedules lining up. Because we're always away traveling or working and doing bits and pieces at the moment. But, yeah. But rain hail or shine, the podcast will continue to come at us. We have proven. That's right.

There's always good understudies waiting in the wings. Anyway, we should probably start everyone's favorite section of the show. I'm so excited to be back. Maybe I don't know if you can just litter in some details of your trip as we go. Let's do it. But the first thing we like to do, Dave, it's been a while for you, but we normally, this whole section of the show is all about celebrating our fantastic supporters. You can support us at patreon.com slash dugongpod. Or dogonpod.com.

Thank you so much to everyone that does that. You know, the show exists because of you and we really appreciate it very much. But there's all sorts of things you get in return for your support. Dave, what's some of those things? You can get three bonus episodes every single month, which are a lot of fun. There's a mixture of reports and quizzes and all sorts of different things about phrasing the bar podcast about Brendan Fraser movies.

And if you subscribe, as soon as you do so, you get access to over 150 in the back catalogue as well. So plenty of bonus stuff. Be in the Facebook group, which is a lovely place where like mine are people hang out. The nicest thing I've got to say, the book sheet show was a great fun, but afterwards, meeting so many Patreon people that are now friends, literally people from all over Europe were hanging out together in a bar and I was having a few beers with people. And that's all because of this Facebook group that you can become part of,

which is very cool. And also, you get access to tickets before anyone else and you vote for the topic. So you literally tell us what we should talk about. So much good stuff on there. And one of the other awards is on the Sydney-Schenberg level. If you sign up there, you get to give us a fact, a quote, or a question. In a section of the show, we like to call fact quote a question, which has a jingle, I think, goes something like this. Fact quote or question. Oh, you remember the ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And the way this works is if you're on the Sydney-Shonberg level, you get to give us a fact or a question or a brag or a suggestion, or really whatever you like. You also get to give yourself a nickname, and then I read them out on

the show. First up this week, we've got one from Roshney Ray, aka most likely to regret listening to a serial killer episode. But that's, Matt, your title is most likely to regret reporting on a serial killer episode. Yeah, it's funny. I think whenever I do one, I always get messages for people like going, oh, so you don't have to do it. Sorry, you didn't.

I'm like, I wouldn't do it if I wasn't okay with it. Yeah. I'm probably, I wear my heart on my sleeve a bit too much about how upsetting some stuff it is, but, you know, it's what it is. I feel like it'd be weird if it wasn't. upsetting. I love it. But I mean, I still find them very interesting, but I imagine Rochney's maybe talking about, you know, you listen to it and then maybe all of a sudden the dark feels a little bit. Yes, it's a morbid fascination while it's happening as soon as it finishes, you think, oh no,

why is that thought of me? Because, yeah, can I get to bed before? That is a hat stand, right? Oh, no, can I get there before the lights turn out? Roshney, you've got to get rid of that hat stand in the corner of your room, mate. Who's that knocking at my door with a machete? Is that the delivery driver? Delivering a machete? Or the Raven? Wrap, wrap, wrapping on my chamber door.

Never more. Quoth to the raven. Fantastic use of the word quoth. Big fan of quoth. Anyway, Roshney has got a quote. We don't get a lot of quotes. Love a quote. Roshney writes, I suppose I'm quoting myself.

Love that. Love a technicality. Love that. I wanted to say thanks. I started listening to Do Go on when I started medical school and four grueling years later, I've finally graduated. Thank you for all that you guys do. It takes talent and time and I appreciate all the work you guys put into it. What a beautiful quote. That's a lovely quote. And congratulations. You did it. Medical school.

That's very cool. Someone that's graduated medical school to tell us that it takes talent for what we do. It's very funny. Rushney. It's medical school. Does that make you a doctor? I think there are There's different things. Yeah, you're probably on the ward now, learning in person. Maybe I don't know how it works, especially different parts of the world. But in my heart, you're definitely already a doctor. And you're at least well on the way, if not already a doctor. Congratulations.

Congratulations, Roshney. So cool. If that's what you're going for. Yeah. Not your value, but also very cool. And thank you so much for that. Beautiful quote. Next one comes from Mark Wend, aka official do-go-on geologist.

Suck it Kevin in brackets. Sorry, Kevin. Sorry, Kevin. And Mark's written a question, which is, I love certain phrases you each often say and wait to hear them each week. For Jess, it's, what am I like? Matt, as the feminist of the podcast. And Dave, bov! My question is, what are your favorite phrases from each other?

Oh, love the podcast. Hope you come to Canada someday and I can finally go to a live show. Oh, man. We really, I mean, I don't, I shouldn't say it because I've said it and been wrong so many times. But we think 2023 is our North American year final. Last time you said that, you caused a war-bide pandemic, so that's on you, man. We were so close up in 2020. About to lodge the application for a visa and all sorts of things.

Favorite phrase, Jess doesn't say it much anymore, but I love, still love a good year. Oh, good year, fantastic. Love a good year. Yeah, I occasionally try and bring it back, but. Yeah, do you get shut down? She does not like it when I say it. Hey, it's not your place. She's like, move on, Matt.

It's your place. Yeah, no, it's one of those ones. They're never really front of mind, but I, um. You do enjoy, uh, when we're on the road quoting me saying, just a bit of fun. Just a bit of fun, Matt. Yeah, a big fan of that. You love saying that. That's a good one.

Uh, remember my famous sketchphrase that really caught on when I say, isn't it nice to be alive or something like that? Um, trying to think. Oh, what about? I had one and now I've absolutely lost it that you say oh a gentleman never shits

would you try and cram in at any well something you got to remember is a gentleman never shits I thought that was just is such a funny idea to me you know anything that a gentleman never does well a gentleman would never but to be something

something that's obviously gross but obviously also humanly impossible I think I mean maybe Roshney might have learnt about this in medical school, maybe there's a loophole somewhere. One of my favorites, and I know it was controversial.

A lot of people love it, which we've heard from. And you are the pioneer of us referencing a little website called wikipedia.org. And any time you say a dot-a-org, I really enjoy that. I can't remember where that started. It was a bit of fun. I think I might have even started on primates. But you just started saying dot-a-org. Dot-a-org.

That's funny. And I think I've started saying, wikipedia. Dot org. Even better. Soon it's just going to be a judge, dodge, dodge. I think very much Mark. Hopefully they were satisfying. Any other Bop ones?

There's so many things I love, but none of them are coming into my brain. Yes. I find it funny when Jess refers to me as a little boy. Little boy. That makes me love. Not her value. Very good one from Pop Art.

Next one comes from Shea, aka Secretary of Bops, and all those who never got a nickname's dynasty. Secretary of Bob's dynasty. But in brackets in between there and all those who never got a nickname. Remember, Bob, Jess wasn't happy that she

didn't have a great nickname and now she's got multiple Bob, little skipper on her other podcasts. So, Dream Big. Shave, you've never had a good nickname. You know, it could happen. Yeah. I was going to say don't force it, but then Jess did ask to be called Bob and it's work, so maybe you should force it. And I think of you as Cobbara now and you

that. Thank you so much. What about mful? Shea mful. Shea, mful. Where does that come from? Shameful. Mful. Mful. So she's provided, well, they've provided the Shay. Well, they've provided the Mful. Mful. I think that is awful. I mean, mful. That's some of your best work. Hey, just people I know about ideas. has a fact writing. Hope this hasn't already been submitted. But Catherine Howard, fifth wife of Henry VIII,

while locked away in a tower awaiting death, requested the block she'd be be beheaded on so that she might know how to place herself because she was so nervous about being beheaded, which is about the saddest and wildest fact I've weren't. Wow. Gosh, that's awful, isn't it? So you want to like...

She requested the block. Get a good look at the block. I don't want to muck this up. Oh my God. Is that why they call it blocking when you're working out at the stage movements? Yeah, that's Catherine Howard started. Got to block this show. I've blocked this out.

So I'll walk up, I'll bow to the crowd, obviously, wave my right hand, I'll place my head here, and then you know the rest. I don't think I've heard that before, Shea. I've never heard that fact. It is, that's grim. That's a grim fact? Is that grim? Yeah.

But it also, it's so endearing somehow. Isn't that weird? I don't want to mess this up. I don't want to embarrass myself on the block. You were too good for Henry the 8th. I think they all were. Yeah, that's fair. Thank you very much for that fact show.

And finally this week from Saraj Pyrrhus. You say Pyrriss like penis. That's how I still, Saraj told me that once. Siraj, penis, Pyrus. Peerous penis. Okay, fantastic. Saraj is one of the people who's catching out within the London bar. Oh, so good.

I don't know how he does it, but Sarajah. I just seems to be at all. Every live show, I pop up somewhere in the world, he'll be there. I really, I think he's got porthole technology. Yeah. Or, you know, like, what do you call it? Or you know, like, zap through a thing and you end up somewhere else. I like porthole technology.

Is that what it's called? Yeah, sure. Sure, why not? I was thinking that maybe he's got like some sort of diplomatic immunity, multiple passports. Diplomatic immunity. Does that Jackson's statement? I don't know.

Jason Satan was in Leather Weapons Dramatic Immunic Key Immunity I don't speak real good And then he turns a key It's a key He puts the key in the ear

Of someone And he turns it Yeah, it like Sorry judge It's a judge Sorry judge I've got diplomatic Immunea key

And then he kills him With a key And then he says like Whambrbub Rubb R Start doing the engine noise Yes As they're dying

Anyway Sarage Okay Bingo Enth and real piece of shit has offered a fact, which is dolphins identify their friends by their special whistles and the taste of their piss. What a great use of the dot dot dot.

A fantastic use of the dot dot dot dot. And does the piss come from their extra special whistle? That's what I'm calling up. Sorry, I've got to go over there have a special whistle. I got to go Give her the one-eye whistle Or something Do you know when I was in China

One of the two guys told us That they sometimes referred to Going to the bathroom as singing a song Oh yeah Because back in the day they Gentleman don't shit Gentleman doesn't shit And also the toilets

Didn't have locks on the door So to let someone know you're in there You just la la la la la I'm spinning around Get out of my way What is that? Kylie Kylie

It's funny the song that comes to mind. Thank you very much. Saraj, Shay, Mark and Rochnie. Piss Whistle. Piss Whistle. Another thing we like to do is, I think, another bunch of our great supporters. Normally with a bit of a game based on the topic at hand, just normally comes up with the topic of the game.

Dave, do you have any thoughts here? Car-related. Can we give them a make of car or something? I don't know. You tell me, I wasn't here for the episode. What was some of the... So, yeah, so the car manufacturers, people came from all around the world. This is good stuff.

We give them a car. We could, oh, what about a phrase? There was something later in the episode which we were really enjoying was one of the guys, when he got angry, he'd say, he'd be like, I'm so angry, I could eat nails. So maybe they're so angry they could and whatever it is. That's fun. Did he eat nails?

I don't think so. But, I mean, if we take his word for it, then yeah, I guess he did. So if I, maybe I'll go one for one. How about that, Dave? Mano, Imano. I read the name out and I'll say, is so mad that they could and you say the thing. All right?

Bit of stream of consciousness stuff here. First up, I'd love to thank from Western Supermare. I think that's that where, I think that might be where John Cleese is from. Really? Listen to his autobiography, not too long ago. Oh, fantastic. Western Supermare in Great Britain. I'd love to thank Jake Middleton, who is so mad he could win a pillow fight.

That's mad. That's mad. When I say win, I mean kill the other opponents. Freaking hell that's mad. Oh my gosh. That's mad. That's bad. That's Jacob Middleton.

That's Jake Middleton. That's from Western Supermare. Supermare. I love that. Never heard of it. I love it. So now I'm going next? Yeah, now you go.

Yeah. Okay. I would like to thank from Kensington in Victoria. This is all one word of this name. Amanda Geddon. Amanda Geddon. Amanda Geddon is so mad they could punch themselves in the face. That's mad.

That's mad. That's mad. That's so mad. It's stupid. It's pretty stupid, man. Normally when you're mad you are a bit stupid, I think. All right, I'd love to thank from Mount Vernon in God's country, Ohio in the United States. It's Old Friend.

Old Friend is so mad they could eat a six pack of yogurt. Whoa, that's mad. Without even snapping them off, like the containers are still there, ripped off the top and just going, spoon, spoon, spoon, spoon, spoon, spoon. I'm angry, spoon, spoon, spoon, until it's gone. Jeez, that's angry. That's such a vivid image of an angry. angry person. That's, that's anger. Old friend. Maybe you need to talk to.

Yeah, a new friend? A new friend. I think so. I would like to thank now from Los Angeles, the city of Angels in California. It's Emily Keane. Emily Keynes. These names are so nice. We're making it so angry. Emily Kane, so mad, she could skull a full bottle of hot English mustard. No. Yes. Grapeepin? Gray poop on?

Oh my goodness. I think that's a different thing, but a gray poop on chaser. Yeah. I'm still angry. Better get some grape pawn. Emily Keane. That's angry and also ill-advised. Yeah.

It's sort of, it's just like a yellow wasabi. Yeah. I reckon. I don't know if I'd, I wonder if I could tell the difference. In a blindfold test. The color is stands out. Okay, but in a blindfold test, you have to. to eat a bottle of this and then a bottle of that.

Say which one was which. I would love to thank from Ascot Vale right here in Melbourne, Australia. Cala Blues. Calab Blues are so angry they could smash a guitar. Oh. But a very expensive one. Really? Not that they forgot to get the switch to the pop one.

Yeah, there was like, there's two there. They're like, I'm so angry. I don't know. I'll just grab this one. It's their grandpa's old one from 1949. No. They smashed it. No, no, no.

Whoops, next to it was a plastic one. So you really could have told, should have told the difference. But when you're angry, you know, you just, you go blind rage. Yeah, the other one had. I can't think of a toy company. The Hasbro. Hasbro. Written on the side.

Gibson or Hasbro. Oh, I don't know. I don't know. I'm so mad. I'm smashing the Gibson. I'd like to thank from the Netherlands, I believe this is. Oh, where you were. recently. What was your, what funnest experience in the Netherlands, apart from obviously, the

brownies you probably are? I met up with my, um, uh, dad's uncle, so my great uncle lived in Amsterdam for over 50 years and I called out with him. That was just, just, stay on the run from. Um, well, I'd rather not so many. No, he just, uh, he just went over to a trip to Europe when he was in his 20s and loved it so much. He just moved over there. That's so good. Um, and I've seen him. him a few times because he's come out to Australia before, but I've never been over there before. So it was, yeah, great to catch up for a beer. And then also, there's a place there that sold basically exclusively Apple Pie.

Oh, wow. So I had to go there. Cafe Winkle. Oh, what a lovely city. It's just nice, very walkable, very nice. Yeah. All the canals and. Love a canel.

I saw the OCs there and it was such a great gig. The OCs. Yeah. Cool. But this person isn't from Amsterdam. They're from... Did you not even get to their name?

No, I just said Netherlands. It's from Enshede. I'm definitely almost saying that incorrectly. I apologize to Nor Shkirboom. No shkir boom. Holy shit, that's a fantastic name. Oh my goodness. It's so good, isn't it?

Nor Skiabum. So mad. They could take the top bunk and piss all night on drizzling down on the person

below who wronged them and are they like is the the wee going up and then down like a fountain is tripping through

that's how mad they it's funny like all these sentences is you never know where they're going to end I never expect them down there I appreciate that

thank you so much nor I'd also love to thank from address unknown I can only assume from deep within the fortress

of the mole it's Katie Tipton Katie Tipton is so freaking angry that they could slap an entire AFL team slap them one off the other

smack We're 18 players on the field or we're talking about the four on the bench as well and the sub plus the sub plus the coach plus the assistant coach

Holy shit That's how I'm mad. Obviously, it's an AFL-related anger. So the senior assistant, not the other line coaches? No, and the Waterboy is being left alone because he's done it. You know, he's suffered enough. Yeah. Katie Tifton, I think you've got to talk to someone.

You're going to get a sore hand. Yeah. Slaping them all. Yeah, they'll be regret. Slapping sense. You're going to have slap regret for sure. Yeah, absolutely. But, I know, maybe it inspires them to, you know, pull their socks up next season.

Actually, make the, make the eight. Anyway Who else should we thank you, Dave? Oh, we're going now to Glasgow. We love Scotland. Did you get to Scotland? No, no, only a few days in London this time. But I'd love to go back to Scotland.

Anytime, I'll go there. I'd tell you about the time I'd met this lovely Glazwegen man on my travels. I think I was in. Might have even been in Prague. We shared a, maybe a hostel room or something. And it was so nice. She had a bunk bed, pissed on him all right.

And he had this hat that he traveled around with and he gave it to me. And I was so dumb. Just don't, I'm like, oh, I'll take, I'm going to, he was like, come stay with me when you're in Glasgow. I'm like, great. He's like, while you're traveling, get a few photos with the hat around the place. I'm like, oh, fantastic. So I took a few.

And then we're drunk one night, drinking, you know, being a bit silly. Drunk, drinking, don't know that is? Yes. And then one of my friends. for some reason was naked and he took a photo covering his chop with the hat. It must have been a big hat, 10 gallon.

It was a 10 gallon hat, yeah. And, you know, he thought it was a bit of fun, you know, I think, you know, the... Yeah, sounds silly, but yeah, a bit of silly fun. I understand what you're doing. We're all 22-year-olds or whatever. And then, so I went to Salem and showed him the photos

and he was, like, he was disgusted. No. Oh, did he expect the hat back? Yeah, he didn't want it back after that. Oh, so you weren't meant to take some photos and then give the hat back? Yeah, I can't remember if he was expecting, but I had it, still had it. And he's like, I don't want it back. Hats ruined, you've ruined the hat.

And as it ruins the, like, I think about it all the time. Did it sour the relationship between the movie? I think it did, yeah. I think it might have. Because where there are a few other photos, like, oh, here we are from the Eiffel Tower. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Very innocent, nice. And then covering it.

his dick and your why why was he so uptight I don't know I mean I could sort of get it he just thought it was a we were just on different wavelengths I don't want it back but it just breaks my heart to think about it he's so upset

oh why did you do that yeah I'm sorry I thought I thought you'd find it funny well I wonder if this person of Glasgow would find it funny it's Ben Oliver Ben Oliver was so mad that he punched a hole through a hat,

Mary Poppin style. You know, he lost it. He'd quit the bank. Like Mary Poppins' dad, whoever it was. Remember that bit? Yeah, it was like at a bowler hat or a top hat and he punched a hole in it. They're the best kind of hats to punch a hole for it.

Oh, yeah. Made a great sound. Try a punch hole to, you know, the cap you are now, impossible. No. Good luck. Good luck. Thank you so much, Ben. And finally, I'd love to thank from Wanganui in New Zealand,

Amy Holly Koges. Amy, so angry that they built the world's largest sandcastle. Whoa. And sometimes you're so angry, like, I'm just, I've got to do something, so they'd start digging. That's a quiet, intense rage. Yep. And then they saw the sand. Amy's like,

I've been digging. There's a few ton of sand there. All right. I'll shape this into something. Yeah. Still furious. Yeah. And it's do the test of time, actually.

Still a testament to rage. Yeah. Fair enough, too, Amy. I'd love to get back to New Zealand. I'd never been. I'd love New Zealand. I want to go back. Maybe we could do a gig there.

I would love to do a gig there. Can we, Dave? Okay. we're doing one these ones in Brisbane if they turn out to be fun maybe we can you know we've got a bit of flexibility take the show on the road

a bit of comedy in one of our pods or something but I think Jess will be keen too hopefully Jess is just she's the only one who's got real work anymore or like tied to a time Dave and I still do real work but it's just a bit more flexible

and we're men of pleasure Anyway, thank you so much to Amy Ben, Katie, Nor, Kala, Emily, old friend, Amanda Geddon and Jake. And the last thing we do, Dave, I don't know if you recall this, we welcome some people into the Triptitch Club. Absolutely. Now, do you know how the Triptich Club works? It's been a little while, but I believe these are the people that have been on the shadow level for three consecutive years, never dropped off. And for their unwavering support, we welcome them into a Hall of Fame slash club, slash nightclub, slash restaurant, slash whatever you want it to be, a clubhouse, bar, pub.

You've got lifetime membership. Absolutely. And you can get a, there's a tattoo parlor out back if you want to ink the celebration. Yeah. Obviously you don't have to, but a bunch of people have, which is quite cool. And Mr. Heggy, one of the greatest tattoo artists in the world, is already a member, I believe. He's out of the back. But he's not on the clock.

No, no. Nor should he be. But he might appreciate it if you want to show him. Yeah, check this out. Check this out. sure, that's what I got. What do you think? And he, as far as I know, will be kind.

Yeah. It's shit. Next. I don't know what Mr. He looks like or sounds like. No. But we know what he acts like and as a gentleman. Yeah. Hey, that's fucking lovely.

I'm not sure where anything is from. Have a few goes. A few goes. I believe he's... Oh, that's fucking lovely. Operating. Out of Brighton. Oh, Brighton.

And it caves. That's my only fact about it. Beautiful pier. Love the pier. My goodness. Anyway, so we've got two inductees this week, Dave. Fantastic. Normally, Jess, has got a drink behind the bar that's, you know, a cocktail based on the episode.

What is the race of the century cocktail, Dave? It's oil. Okay. Mixed with vodka. What is it on, Valvaline? Yeah. You know what I mean. You know what I mean?

Oh, I know what you mean. It's a little, it's a tiny bit of oil, like enough that you could get the taste of it, but it's not going to kill you. Then it's got some very cheap vodka and it's topped up with cola. Beautiful. So hopefully, you know, get it in you. And we call it the engine rever. Yeah.

Trevor's engine reveres. Trevor's engine rivers. That's what we call it. Trevor behind the bar, of course. Trevor Marmalade. What else do we normally do? Do you normally book to ban? normally booked a band.

Yeah. And I have booked the band, the New York Dolls. Whoa. So. In honor of the New York's. So, or was that a coincidence? It's always a coincidence. It's always a coincidence.

But yeah, can you believe I've got New York Dolls on the bill? I didn't. No, I meant them. I actually met them in Copenhagen. What? I said, can you do a little gig for us? The New York Dolls were in Copenhagen. Yeah.

I think, am I right in thinking one of the New York Dolls? was in a very Murray Christmas. Oh, my, you would know, because you're probably the only person on Earth who's seen him all than once. Yeah, big fan. That is funny. Let's see. David Johansson, this is the girl's thing.

Yeah, he was. That's the main main. He's best known as a member of the seminal protopunk band in New York Dolls. He, yeah, he's, he plays the barman, these things a little bit. Or maybe he can come back behind the bar with Trevor. Oh my God. Guest appearance. Fantastic.

So new thing. We have to talk about who's behind the bar. It gets longer and longer. But it's going to be a great night out. It's going to be a great night out. Great night out. And so the way this works is I'm on the door. I'm going to lift the velvet rope.

I've got a clipboard. I've got a doorless. Only two names on it this week. I'm going to call them out. If your name is read out, run in. Everyone who's already in is there clapping along, chanting your name. Dave's up on. stage. He's hosting the evening before the New York Dolls play, the after party.

Of course. Every great band needs a great emcee. So Dave's going to hype you up as you come in and he does a beautiful job of it. And as Jess isn't here, I'm going to boost Dave up as best as I can. Honestly. Honestly, I've been away for a little weeks. I need to work back in positivity and courage. All right. So are you ready to go? Absolutely. First up from, and we've just heard from them from Seattle in Washington, the United States, home of Dr. Frazier Crane. It's Rocheonie Ray. Rushney Raise the roof.

And from Austin, Texas, stay weird. It's Brianne Wharton. Oh, Wharton, here's a who. That is, Hawton is a Who. Pretty good? Yeah, what does it mean in a hyped up way? Okay, yeah. Brian.

What about, Wharton, here's a boo, yeah. Okay, that's pretty good. What is a boo-ya. I don't know if that's good, but it's harder that it looks. It's difficult. Welcome in Brian and Rochnie. Thanks so much for joining us. Make yourselves at home.

Grab yourself a drink from Trevor. Absolutely. Trevor's Revers. I think that brings us to the end of the episode, Dave. The longest one we've ever done. Wow. By quite a margin. I was here for about 8% of it.

So thank you so much for having me back. Appreciate that. If people want to get in contact with us, Matt, where can they do that? Well, there's a beautiful new website we've got that our great web designer put together called dogoon.com. No, dogoonpod.com. Do on pod.com, absolutely. And we've also got an email address dogo on pod at gmail.com. We're do go on pod on all social media. Apart from TikTok for some reason, I think Jess opted for do go on podcast. Did someone get do go on pod? I'm not sure. I just think

Jess thought TikTok, they're a bit more sophisticated. Yes, for sure. I've signed up for TikTok. I haven't put anything on there, but I was annoyed because at Dave Warnocky, which is all I meant and everything was taken. Really? God damn it. Are they using it? Then I, yeah, I tried to look into it. And then I realized that it was me.

I took it six months earlier. I was going to say, that was not all the Dave Warnockies. Got the handle. I think I've also got Dave. Don't wantonike just in case. That's good to have a backup there. Yeah, so get involved wherever you can. You can buy some merchandise.

We've got hoodies and other bibs and bobs. That's right. Do we sell bibs? No, I don't think we do. But there's stickers, there's mugs, there's t-shirts, there's sweats. Yeah. All sorts of stuff through the website. You can pay for Dave's sweat.

Absolutely. A little vial of Dave's sweat. And it is vile. I'll tell you that. But it will make you live longer, so it's worth the swallow. Thank you so much for, yeah, listening to the show, support in the show. I'll be back next week with my first report in a long, long time in cooking this one up, up doing Vodafor by the Patreon supporters.

So very excited to be back in the studio. Thank you so much. But until then, I'll say thank you. And goodbye. Later. Yeah, just to see what it's like, because you might be a con man, get conned once and be like, oh. Con me once? Shame on me.

Yeah. Yeah. Can't get con again. Timely reference. Can't get con again. I'm never not funny. He gets so, like, he just, he gets so lost in it. Can't get caught again.

I think we've had some great prime ministers for, like, Skulling beer. Well, and just, and putting their foot in their mouths at times. Tony Abbott at that time said something about being the, suppository of knowledge.

Pretty funny. There's been some classics. Yeah, I think Abbott had a lot of them. Yeah. But America just keeps giving. All of the presidents in my lifetime. And the current one,

man, some of those clips are wild. Yeah. Where you're like, what? What's happening? What's happening? Well, the videos, I've seen people say that a lot of them start, they speak like they're being fed words to an earpiece of someone who's watching them talk.

Yeah. So it, and it does. They're always like two words behind in what they're saying. Right. It sounds like the person, someone's watching them and then giving them the lines. I mean, I do this podcast, edit it and I still have so many flubs that make it through. Doing it live all the time when you're always on camera, I would. Gaff nonstop every day.

I'd gaff so hard all time, all time. All time. All time. All time. Good example. But, yeah, I just, I find it, it is pretty fun. But yeah, I would be hopeless trying to talk on record all the time. It's hard.

But, yeah, apart from, you know, obviously a lot of world leaders do bad things all the time. If I have heard that out of the equation, fuck the American presidents have been entertaining. He died like a dog That's one of my favourites from Trump That's a Trump Oh that's great Who was he talking about? That's a great question

A war hero or something? No no no no like a yeah An enemy Okay At the time where This was pre-presidency When he was tweeting about how Robert Patterson should leave Kirsten Stewart

Oh that's great Oh my God Yeah That's so funny He did so many tweets about him Being like should do it again man You gotta get out That's so funny.

Wait, were they together or is he talking about the characters in the movie? No, when they went to get it and then she cheated on him. Would have been way better if he thought Twilier. No, I think it had just come out that she'd cheated on him and he was like, Robert has to get out of that situation. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Snow White in the Huntsman era. Oh, that's good.

And the director of the film had an affair. Donald Trump was weighing in heavily. Was it Biden who forgot Morrison's name? Yeah. Is it that? Oh no. Yeah. And good on you, that fella over there.

Someone forgot Albo's name the other week. I think it was Biden. No, I thought that was somebody else. Oh, Trudeau. Was it Trudeau? Why not just say Mr. Prime Minister or something? Say, mate. Mate is so handy.

Yeah, mate, that's, you know, it feels like holding out a little like to a kangaroo or something. I'm never more anxious, I don't think, in my whole life than the start of doing podcasts with guests. people I know really well I get I get so nervous about fucking up your names yeah that's fair enough every time

I introduce today's episode I just now but and I'm like I'm like I want you to know that you could get my name wrong to my face and I'd be fine I would never correct I would also be often fine

but I still just feel I don't know mortified somehow when I've worked other jobs and you have to say your name over the phone or whatever people would be like I spoke to a cat

today and I'm like, yes, you did. That was me. And I get to be someone else. It's exciting. Like, are you Kathy? Did I speak to you? I'm like 100%. My name's Kathy. I'm often Max. Max. Which I like. I get Jeff. My name Jeff. Yeah, my name Jeff. One time I spoke to a customer, I answered the phone and I said

you speaking with Jess. And I said, what was your name? I said, Jess. He goes, Catherine, was it? And I went, yep. Catherine. That's a leap. Were you talking to Biden? Yeah. Hello, Mr. President. This is Jess speaking. Catherine, yes.

Yes. I think it's nice for Australia to see that. Because I think occasionally the news will show our prime minister meeting with the president. Yeah. And be trying to make it out like they're equals. And it's good that quite regularly they'll show that that is not the case. That's not the case. Well, they're never in our house.

It's always, oh, come to mine. It's like, oh, do you want to come over? No, my house is bigger. Actually, I would love to. But yeah. Mum says, well, it's just because we got the big TV and the Xbox is here. So, like, we could go to yours. But, like, if you wanted to play Xbox, you'd have to go to mind.

What would we do at your shitty little boring house? Yeah, I mean, I guess we, like, you've got the Wii, yeah? Like, did you want to play Wii? We could. It's just like, like, Lee hasn't been relevant for, like, 10 years. So if you want the nostalgia element, sure. But if you want a good game. I still think of the Wii as new futuristic technology.

Wow. And it is, but yeah, it's so fun, isn't it? And they've got this at the home? Yeah. It's like bowling, but on the TV, but it feels like you're bowling in real life. Yeah, you can do your little Wii fit, step up on the little platform. That's fun. Ever wanted a machine to tell you you're obese?

Yeah. Because you are. Everybody is. Well, they're characters on they don't have necks or arms. Hands. They got little balls for hands. So like you set on the little wee thing and it like has your little me and then you put in your height and everything that it weighs you. And if you accounted it as obese, it gives you like and gives you a little tummy.

Yeah. Oh, that's great. And it's based on BMI, which is definitely real and should be taken. Yeah. It takes all the important health factors into account. Yeah. It's all encompassing. That head.

Yeah. So you hold the two wee remotes either side of your temple and then it tells you how big your brain is. and then it makes your head big or small. Yeah, elephants are geniuses on we. But they are obese. They are totally obese. That's right. Bloop.

Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester. We were just in Manchester. But this way you'll never miss out. And don't forget to sign up, go to our Instagram. Click our link tree.

Very, very easy. It means we know to come to you, and you'll also know that we're coming to you. Yeah, we'll come to you. You come to us. Very good. And we give you a spam-free guarantee.