Do Go On - 361 - The Hollywood Bandit

Episode Date: September 21, 2022

This week we look at Scott Scurlock AKA the 'Hollywood Bandit', a bank robber named after his use of elaborate disguises. Prosthetics, fake chins, moustaches, hats, wigs and glasses... he eluded authorities for years. Recorded live at The Ritz Cinema in Sydney.This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 04:23 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).See us live: https://dogoonpod.com/live-shows/Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: dogoonpod.com or patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/ Check out our new merch! : https://do-go-on-podcast.creator-spring.com/  Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:The FBI Files:https://youtu.be/UadBU41TIHkMastermind:https://youtu.be/gT_8hrDoBGg https://www.historylink.org/File/9043 https://www.thurstontalk.com/2020/11/21/the-hollywood-bandit-the-absolutely-true-tale-of-washingtons-most-prolific-bank-robber/ https://archive.seattletimes.com/archive/?date=19961130&slug=2362383 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Just jumping in really quickly at the start of today's episode to tell you about some upcoming opportunities to see us live in the flesh. And you can see us live at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2024. We are doing three live podcasts on Sundays at 3.30 at Basement Comedy Club, April 7, 14 and 21. You can get tickets at dogo1pod.com. Matt, you're also doing some shows around the country. That's right. I'm doing shows with Saren Jayamana, who's been on the show before. We're going to be in Perth in January, Adelaide in February, Melbourne through the festival in April, and then Brisbane after that. I'm also doing Who Knew It's in Perth and Adelaide. Details for all that stuff at mattstuartcomedy.com.

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Because those are groceries, and we deliver those too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. We can wait for clean water solutions.

Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Oh my goodness, I've never not been to the theme song. Wow, oh gosh, I am not fit enough to do that. Hello, good evening, how are we feeling?

Fantastic Sydney Ritz Cinema, great to be here. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnke and I'm on stage and so is the popcorn and the drinks. But that's also, happens to be a little nickname that I like to give my friends and my co-hosts. Could you please give it up for the popcorn and the drinks of this show? Mask on, man! Mask on! It's Madden Jess!

Hello! Hey! Welcome! Hey! Come on up! You filthy cheater! I mean, I was going to cheat, but you cheated first. You filthy cheater! I mean, I was going to cheat, but you cheated first.

Oh, that was stupid. That was real dumb. For the good people at home, Matt and Jess just raced to the stage and Matt absolutely smashed Jess. Isn't that right? Hey, Dave, the other thing I've noticed is that it's just your mic that's fucked, so Jess and I will take it from here. Yeah. But is that because you can only hear me? No, our friend Marcel's at the back and he told me.

Do you want to, we should swap because you talk way more than me. You just swap mics mate, you don't, all right, get up. Fucking hell. Men. Sorry. How's that? How is this? But is this the part where I realise that none of you have understood a thing I've said and you've just been humouring me for like ten minutes? You know the teacher in Peanuts? Who's just like, wah, wah, wah, wah.

That's been you, Charlie Brown. You know what I'm talking about. I know what you're talking about. Sick. Hey, we can start the show now. Give me a round of applause if you've ever heard Dugo on our podcast before. Thank you so much. That is always a relief.

Other end of the scale, and don't be shy now. Give me a round of applause if you've never heard the show before. Awesome. Fantastic few of you in tonight. Great. Well, Matt, for the people that haven't been here before, haven't heard the show before, how muah-mua does it work? Well, how muah sounds.

How muah-mua. How what what. It works by, actually it doesn't affect my voice as much. Because it sounds shit anyway. So the way the show works is one of the three of us selects a topic, usually suggested by a listener of the show, an event or a person or a place or a dog. We haven't done a dog before but... Any day now. In any sense of that phrase. And then we bring back the knowledge we've learned about that topic and report it to our two friends, sort of like a high school report.

And the other two sit and listen carefully and thoughtfully without any dog shit riffs. And this week, Dave Warnicky is doing the report. And Dave, we normally get on a topic with a question. Do you have a question this week? I do have a question. And because we are recording this in a cinema i picked three hollywood themed topics that i put to our patreon supporters to vote on and um this is a multiple choice but do you think they picked a the actor b the movie or c the bank robber? What do you think? Is that how vague the options were?

Yeah. No, I don't want to spoil the other ones. Oh, okay, gotcha. Yeah, that makes sense. Surely they went for the bank robber. The bank robber. They absolutely went for the bank robber. Yes!

We love a heist. This is the story of the Hollywood bandit. Ooh. Did anyone vote for this topic? Yeah. This is for you. It's only been suggested by one person. Really?

Let's see if they're in tonight. That is Belushka from Kiama, New South Wales. Belushka, are you in tonight? No. Okay, that's interesting. This was our best shot at them being in. Some fan. Belushka, it's quite an interesting name.

It's spelled B-A-L-U-S-C-A, and then Belushka's given me the pronunciation, then added, when they suggested the topic, my parents are fools who let my sister name me when she was two years old. Belushka! It's not a dog. No, it's amazing. I love it.

That's good. Alright, thanks so much for the suggestion because it's a good story. And tonight we are talking about Scott Scurlock. Now Dave's mic's fucked again. Can we fix it? Did you say Scott? Scurlock I think you're a little bit Sean Connery

With my scot there Scott Scurlock Or William Scott Scurlock As his birth certificate stated Padding for word count there Was born on March the 5th 1955 in Fairfax County Virginia He was the son of a minister at padding for word count there, was born on March the 5th, 1955, in Fairfax County, Virginia.

He was the son of a minister, or son of a preacher man, some could say. William... Very early on, he's padding. Yeah. And his mother was an elementary school teacher named Mary Jane. Okay, what's going on there, Scott?

It's 4.20 somewhere, am I right? Yeah, that's right, I partake. You partake? I never inhale, but I do kiss them. I've kissed a few joints in my life. He's the son of a minister and a bit of Mary Jane. And according to HistoryLink... HistoryLink has a great article by Daryl C. McCleary that I'll link to. This is a quote about Scott's childhood. Although religious, his parents were extremely permissive and Scott grew up without guidelines, never developing a moral

compass. He understood the difference between right and wrong, he just didn't care. That's badass. He's a bad boy. We've got a bad boy. He's also often referred to as a Peter Pan type. Where's green? Yes. He looks also often referred to as a Peter Pan type. Where's green?

Yes. He looks fantastic. Climbs in people's windows. Fantastic. Bit of a creep. Fights pirates. Fucks pirates? Yeah. Fights.

You said fights. Yeah. If you say anything weird tonight, you can just blame the microphone. They say that Scott was a boy who never grew up, shunning all responsibility. And he could fly. Yes. And he had a fairy best friend. But

I just stuck to the interesting stuff, so I've got nothing about that. Yeah, like mum's name and birth certificate. The important stuff. Nailing it tonight. He lived an outdoorsy childhood, loving the great outdoors The important stuff. Nailing it tonight. He lived an outdoorsy childhood, loving the great outdoors and building stuff. The News Tribune describes Scott

as becoming a skilled carpenter as he aged. This is a question... I know a... I know a carpenter as well. Yeah. Very skilled in many things. Much like this guy, never really grew up. Not beyond 33 anyway.

It's so much better when no one's watching so we can edit out stuff, but... The News Tribune also says, his greatest gift was his personality. Which is so weird. Fucking brutal. The weirdest sentence. I've had that said. It's a great personality.

Okay. What about my tits, though? They're all so great Those who knew him say he could just about talk anybody into just about anything Okay So he's a convincing kind of guy Also, not his value, but he was very, very good looking Really? Like you were saying, people who say their biggest gift is their personality are normally uggers Yeah Not Scotty Really? Like you were saying, people who say their biggest gift is their personality are normally uggos.

Yeah. Not Scotty. Really? Oh my gosh. So he's good looking and he has a good personality. Yeah, you can have it all. As I prove day in, day out. So he's a hot guy and I'll give you some journalistic evidence.

According to the Seattle Times, in an article written by what seems like a very horny journalist... This is what it says. I'm direct quoting here. It says, oh boy, hachimachi. Oh, hoo! Hubba hubba. I'm going to need a little lie down. I'm going to need a cold shower.

With his curly dark hair, trim body and easy smile, he left a vivid impression, especially on women. He looks like Mel Gibson, I swear to God. His lawyer, Sean Newman, told a receptionist, she agreed that William Scott Scurlock was a knockout and dated him. Okay. Okay. Yeah. The lawyer also added, he was an interesting guy.

If you were to see him on the street, even if you hadn't shaved for a couple of days, he still looked good. He was very physically fit. Oh, my God. That's so weird. Yeah. And how they were so keen. They didn't believe that you would believe he looked like Mel Gibson.

I swear to God. I swear to God. No bullshit. Just publish a photo. This is the 90s. They didn't have photos back then. Oh, sorry. They had descriptions from horny journalists and horny lawyers.

That's amazing. That's all they had to go on. So he's a hot guy. He's a convincing guy, but he doesn't give a shit guy. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. He moved to Hawaii in his early 20s, a place you've recently been. That's true.

If you want to paint the scene. What's it like there? Very Hawaiian. My goodness. Thank you. That went as well as expected. Some trees, beach. I'm not done.

Oh, okay. Sorry, sorry. went as well as expected some trees beach i'm not done oh okay sorry sorry a picture trees um water uh you've said trees twice they got a lot of them and you said ocean and water yep did you go to hawaii yes i've been i've definitely been i didn't just need a break from you. I'm going on holiday, you guys. I'll see you in a couple of weeks. So he moved to Hawaii in his early 20s where he worked on a tomato farm. See, like how he's growing up.

He's getting an honest job. He supplemented his income by secretly growing marijuana. When the farm owner found out... Was that a you? I know what he's talking about. Get him! Kissing a couple of tomatoes. When the farm owner found out he was fired

and Scott had to move back to Olympia in Washington, where he enrolled in college with the hopes of becoming a doctor. And this time, he again supplemented his income. This time, making crystal meth on campus. Ooh, that's a leap. A tongue kiss meth. That's a problem. That's how you do it.

Well, that's how you do it, yeah. You've said too much. Allegedly sneaking into the college science labs after hours to make the drug. HistoryLink also writes he attended classes, in quotation marks, at the college sporadically for about six years, all whilst becoming a major source of supply of the drug in the Northwest. Oh, wow. So he's just basically pretending to be a college kid

so he can just make drugs in their lab when the professors go home. When you say the Northwest West, of what? The United States. Okay, yeah, that makes sense. Sorry. I was just wondering if I knew him or not. And Melbourne. My guy also looked like Mel Gribson, I swear to God.

Mel Gribson, I swear to God. Mel Gribson. Is that not who we were talking about? I swear to God, Mel Gribson. Imagine just saying, my drug dealer is so hot. He's so hot, aye? Yeah. Imagine getting a really bad drug habit just so you can get closer to your drug dealer.

Can you come round again? I need more. I need more. More of those big blue eyes. Oh, every time I see him, I get a lethal weapon. Mel Gibson, anyway. Gribson. Sorry, Mel Gibson. He rented a farm with his new money. So he went

off campus, bought his own place or rented his own place, 20 acres of land nearby which also had a barn that became the perfect place for his own secret drug lab. It was also on this property that he began to construct his greatest love, his treehouse. Okay. And it was massive, rising three storeys or 60 feet into the air. He built it with his friends, which he bragged only took two weeks because they were powered with the power of meth. A three storey treehouse?

Yeah. How fucking big is this tree? It's massive. It was seven different trees together. It was massive. It actually took him months to make it. That was just a lie. It's a good lie.

It's a good lie. And a great ad for meth. Yeah. Nicknamed Seven Cedars because of the seven trees, the treehouse was decked out with a kitchen, plumbing, electricity, heating, a stereo, pretty cool, and 30 windows. It's so funny, a stereo so far down that list. I know. Like plumbing, stereo.

Pretty sick. Also, many articles mentioned it had 30 windows, which I guess that's pretty impressive. Anyway, three stories off the ground, a wooden walkway, which Scurlock called his stairway to heaven, extended away from his tree home, zigzagged between the pines for about 300 feet. So he's just building shit, adding on to it.

I've got 10 windows in my apartment. That's where I went. Missed everything you just said. How many windows? I've got 10. Come on, Matt. You should have been thinking about this. Sorry.

This entire time. Do go on, Dave. Sorry about him. I've been thinking if maybe it comes up later, I could say something like, what did I call Mel Gibson? Gibson. Mel Gibson. I don't think it'll work, but if it might comes up later, I could say something like, what did I call Mel Gibson? Gibson. Mel Gibson. I don't think it'll work, but if it might come up later,

I can say, I removed my own Mel Gibson so that I could suck my own... That's just something I was thinking about, maybe if it comes up later. It's an option. I'll set you up. Yeah. How about that?

You can lob one up for me, that'd be lovely. I really think that could fucking rip this joint apart. That'll bring a standing O for that one. Before he became known as the Hollywood Bandit, he was nicknamed by his friends as Treehouse Scott. Which I loved. So good. Slightly less badass than the Hollywood Bandit,

but still, he's getting there. How old is he at this point? Mid-twenties. Yeah. I feel like it promised a cooler guy when you said the Hollywood Bandit. What do you mean? Now I've got an adult building.

Treehouse Scott, so cool. That's true. And he's hot. And he has a great personality. Yeah. Yeah. And a meth addiction. He's the whole package.

He's got his own place. He's got a job. No wonder he's so slim. County officials at one stage threatened to tear down the treehouse. That's when he went to the lawyer that thought he was really hot. And the county ended up backing down and they let him keep the structure. She probably said, he's really hot, let him have it. So he's living there with his mates, living in the treehouse, living the dream.

Friends later claimed they knew nothing of his drug-fuelled criminal lifestyle, thinking that he got by with the occasional carpentry job. And I mean, why would you be sus? Back to the Seattle Times. During warmer months, Scurlock would often be seen at the Buddy Bay Cafe, one of Olympia's trendy spots where he made a vivid impression. Scurlock would typically order the night special,

washed down with expensive champagne, either Dom Perignon or Cristal, about $125 a bottle. In one sitting, Scurlock would run up a bill of $2 to $250 for two or three people, and only $30 of that was for food, said owner of the cafe, Brett Hibbard. So he is going out, and apparently he would give $100 tips every time he went out, and his friends are like,

he's just doing the occasional carpentry job. Where's he getting all this money from? Oh, well. Also, he's on meth all the time.pentry job. Where's he getting all this money from? Oh well. Also he's on meth all the time. Oh well. Despite the drug lab Scott avoided any brushes with the law except for one mentioned in the an article by the News Tribune. It says Scurlock had nothing serious except some traffic violations and I was like sure. Okay. He's got a couple of speeding tickets maybe around a red

light. It continues. An incident in which he was caught spinning his car's tyres on someone else's property. So I'm just imagining George Bush on The Simpsons doing donuts on the front of Homer's lawn. President Bush is driving on our lawn. He must be lost. So with the money he made from selling drugs, Scott was able to buy the farm on which his beloved treehouse stood. However, in 1990, his meth empire came to a grinding halt when his drug supplier was murdered. It made Scurlock evaluate the dangers of his business. He'd never thought about it before. He was like, huh, murdered. Hadn't thought about that. And I know what you're thinking. There's only a couple of jobs less dangerous than drug lord. And one of those is,

of course, bank robber. He's like, I've got to get out of this risky business. Scott loved life out in nature and became disillusioned by the money pouring into nearby Seattle in the 1990s, which was starting to roll in cash from expanding tech companies. Also, Seattle in the 90s, that's prime. Dr. Frasier Crane. My baby, I hear the music calling. I'm not doing the whole thing.

Why not? Go on. I'm shy. Go on. I'm shy. Keep on. I'm shy. Keep going, Dave. You're doing so great. So he's annoyed that there's money rolling in.

Billions were flowing into the city's economy and Scott didn't like what his city was becoming, full of these materialistic people. He was really anti that. He would rail against the system by pulling down for sale signs in his area. That'll get them. Yeah.

Now they'll never know. Fuck yeah. Fight the power, buddy. That's so lame. Materialistic people trying to get a house to live in. Yeah. You pieces of shit. Although Seattle's like in the 90s' grunge period.

It feels like not very much like the thing you said. Oh, you nailed that sentence. Yes. With the explosion of money came a lot of new banks and with that came bank robbers. Seattle experienced... Oh, shit. I never thought about that.

What's a bank robber without a bank? Exactly. Unemployed. You want to improve unemployment rates banks in seattle actually experienced hundreds of bank robberies in the 1990s so it was going off it became the third most robbed city in america top three top three top three and scott became fascinated with the robberies and he thought as the banks were probably insured and probably doing dodgy stuff for the customer's money anyway,

that they fully deserved it. Yeah. That was his justification. Those people working the tills at a bank, those, obviously they're the owners of the bank. Yeah. So they deserve it. That's good. That's the theory. Yeah. So they deserve it. That's good.

That's the theory. Yeah. Any bankers in tonight? Woo-hoo. Really? Can I have some money? Hang on. Is that an option?

Can I have some money? Bankers always go quiet when you ask them that. Tell them you'll pay them back. They love that. Oh, yeah. I'll pay them back. They love that. Oh yeah, I'll pay you back. Okay. Jordan, get him out. We said no bankers.

So he lived off his drug savings for a year or two, all the while dreaming of robbing a bank. Drug savings is the money he's made from drugs or he's made from drugs or he's living off drugs that he's saved? I think probably honestly both. A bit of both.

A bit of honestly. Some articles say that he fantasised about being like a Robin Hood character and reappropriating the money, giving and taking. Another famously green-tited person. Yes. Isn't that interesting? And a fox. Yeah.

That's true. He And a fox. Yeah. That's true. He was a fox. Yeah. In both senses of the word. God, I wanted to fuck that fox. I'm not alone. Yeah. You wanted to fuck that fox.

Wow. Worst thing about being a fox is they've got long rib cages and... Oh, yeah. I also had a thought just before that. Instead of robbery, if it was ribbery, that could be the act of stealing someone's rib so that they could suck their own fox. Thank you.

There's the standing O. It only takes one, and that counts. Well, yeah, it's technically a standing Ovation. We are. Technically. So he's had a couple of years to think about this. I'm going to be a bank robber. And after a few beers around the fire one night,

Scott told his mate Mark Biggins about his plan of robbing a bank. Mark was a guitarist and a poet, so perfect for a heist. He was also an old college friend. He happened to own some guns. Perfect. Mark was having financial trouble

and Scott suggested they could easily hold up a bank out of town and just two days later on March 26, 1992, they were doing it. Cool. What's that got to do with this robbery story, though? All right, now I've got to know each other a little bit better. I trust you in any situation. So a lot of planning and scoping out and...

Yeah. And if you're going to do a bank robbery, you want to base it on the best, right? Sure. Mark was a big fan of the 1991 movie Point Break. And just like in the films, they decided to wear Ronald Reagan masks to rob the bank. Two, no mention if they had a meatball sandwich.

No mention. Meatball a meatball sandwich. No mention. Meatball. Give me two. Great movie, great movie. You're never going to believe this, but the robbery planned in two days and conducted in shitty presidential masks didn't go so well.

The pair only got $15,000, which is a lot less than they'd expected. They stole someone in the bank's keys to access a getaway car, but they got in mark flooded the engine panicking and it wouldn't start so they had to flee the scene on foot and they only narrowly got away okay 15 grand they got 15 grand can i have 15 grand you're the worst banker. There's two ways she can get it from you.

One of them is the nice way. The other way involves her taking one of your ribs. She works in mysterious ways. Scott had also called out Mark's name in the bank. Wait, hang on. Oh, that's good. Maybe removing the rib is the nice way. Dinner for one.

I'll move on from this. So they were able to stop leaving fingerprints behind by wearing gloves and because no silent alarm had been tripped, there was no security cameras that filmed. At the time, to get the camera rolling, they had to hit a button. Okay. So no one filmed them. So they'd narrowly gotten away with it. Mark was traumatised by the close call and swore off bank robbing for good.

But Scott fucking loved it. Did he? The adrenaline rush he got meant he was instantly hooked. Seven weeks went by and law enforcement had no leads. But then Scott Scurlock struck the same bank again. Good. Yes, they wouldn't expect you to do that. That's clever.

This didn't go that well last time with two people. I reckon it'll go better with one. Yeah, I can carry more money. So he went alone. He was wearing a different disguise, this time a wig, glasses, some makeup and a moustache. But one of the

employees recognised his demeanour. He was so hot, even under the mask. This guy's hot. What a sexy demeanour. I've only ever seen that demeanour once before. Hang on a second. He skipped everywhere he went.

Very specific. Do you think you'd recognise people by their demeanour? What does that mean? I think because he's what's called a... She got it. Well, I mean, let's be honest, everyone got it. You've been doing the fucking rib thing. I have a crack at something. I just have a go. Crack a rib. Yeah, crack a rib. That's the last of that. No promises. He's what's

called a take over or take charge robber. Okay, that's pretty sexy. Yeah. You come in with a weapon and quickly take over the whole bank, get everyone to lie down and then get one person to help you fill the bank. What are the other types of bank robber? Oh, I'm panicking! Yeah, a flustered bank robber. A flustered bank robber. Because of all this, the FBI, apparently they give all

their unknown bank robbers nicknames and they called him the take charge robber which is shit. Yeah, that's not good. take-charge robber, which is shit. Yeah, that's not good. That's not good. But most bank robbers are in and out within two to three minutes. I want to be quick.

Mark, he's confident. I mean, Scott, he's confident. Mark is not confident. Mark is shitting himself. Mark is cleaning shit off the driver's seat. But Scott confidently spent four to five minutes inside, really... Taking charge.

And taking it in, you know, feeling the light on his face. Getting to know people. Yeah, yeah. Doing crowd work. Giving out his phone number. What do you do? Oh, banker. The guy noticing his demeanour, that doesn't help them.

He was in disguise both times. That doesn't mean anything, right? Yeah, but then you could just go around town watching people's demeanours. Oh, that's true. Get a vibe. For his second robbery, he only got $8,000. He's not doing well, is he? No, but...

I don't know what kind of money you two are involved in, but eight grand for half an hour's work sounds fucking awesome. That's why you'll never be a big cat like us. A couple of panthers over here. Your tiny little kitten. Go play with your little ball of yard, kitten. We're rolling in cash. Jess doesn't get out of bed for what?

30, 40 million? Million. How much am I getting paid for this? 30, 40 million. Great. How the fuck do you think we got you out of bed? So he only got eight grand, but he was only warming up. Scott started doing research to perfect his craft,

ordering criminal manuals by the mail. Stuff like... Bank Robbery 101. It was a great sentence, but beautifully delivered. By the mail. Your eyes just lit up the room. These are some of the titles on his shelf. How to change your identity.

How to stay off government lists. FBI forensics. For dummies. He also started to teach himself the art of disguise. He got books on masks and movie makeup and learnt to drastically change his appearance with fake noses, latex chins, putty on his face, fake mustaches and lots and lots of wigs. He basically laundered the makeup by getting it mailed to unwitting friends who then gave it to

him, making it harder to trace. Right. I don't know what stories he was telling them. I'm sending a box of wigs to your house. Nothing weird. Nothing weird. Different types of sunglasses were almost always part of each new look. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because no two people can wear the same sunglasses. So that makes sense. What do you mean?

I've never worn Ray-Bans before in my life. Over the next three months, Scurlock robbed four more banks. He always looked different, but the similarities were there. The demeanour. The demeanour. That classic demeanour.

Each time the banks were struck by a man wearing theatre make-up, because I've got to say, he looks different, but he does not look good. He does not look good. Each time he's wearing theatre make-up, a hat, dark sunglasses. His fourth hit really hit the big time.

It brought in a cool quarter of a million dollars. Happy with that? Yeah, I was happy with eight. Why are you looking at me? I'm stoked with that. Fantastic. I don't even know what I mean. What's a quarter of a mil?

What is that, like $10 million? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Bloody hell. What's a quarter of a mil? What is that, like $10 million? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Bloody hell, that's a lot of money. It is, isn't it? Yeah. Why is this guy called...

We're in Seattle. When does Hollywood get involved? About two sentences at a time. Okay. Okay. Comedy is all about timing, and I got it. He laundered the money through Las Vegas casinos via a childhood friend called Stephen Paul Myers.

We'll get back to him later. But because of his increasingly elaborate makeup, a lot of which was designed for TV and film, the FBI started to nickname him Hollywood. Okay. That's much cooler than the tech charge robber. He's now just Hollywood. The fact that the guy just mentioned had the three-barrel name as well,

that means American criminal, right? He's probably a murderer. Yeah, John Paul Young. John Paul Young. Singer of lovers in the air. He is. Famous. He's a lady Air. Yes, he is. Yeah. Famous.

He's a lady killer, no doubt about that. John Paul Young. That's fantastic. I was already thinking before, I'm like, I can't wait till the show ends so I can compliment Jess on her panther riff. But that's just been bumped from number one spot. But John Paul Young, they hated it. None of them liked it. I love our post-show debriefs where you just compliment me.

I've made a mental list, Jess. Do you want to hear it now or later? At bedtime, please. I'm having a great time. Is it because you've got beers and popcorn? Are you having a good time, Dave? Great, I'm looking at that popcorn thinking, God, I love some of that.

But I've got a report. Okay, no, hang on. Because remember when Jordan asked us if we wanted drinks or anything to be on here for while we do the pod, and you said, can I have a choc-top? And I said, Dave, I don't think you're going to be able to eat a we do the pod and you said, can I have a choc-top? And I said, Dave, I don't think you're going to be able to eat a choc-top and read a report. And you said, no, I reckon I can't.

You just had two pieces of popcorn and you need 10 minutes to just debrief. Yeah, well, we're going to need a half-time break here. Just so you know, I had the choc-top before the show, so don't cry for me You're sweating a bit as well there, Dave Is the popcorn too spicy? What do they put in this?

So he's nicknamed Hollywood by the FBI. But he was also widely reported on the media too, and they didn't think Hollywood was long enough, so many started to write about the Hollywood bandit. So he's becoming front page news across the northwest. Okay, so we're still in Seattle. Yeah. In Australia, Hollywood would be too long. We'd call him Woody or something.

Oh no, Woody's struck again. That's badass. Woody. Are you adding that to the list? Putting it in the list. I'll wait for bedtime. So he's the Hollywood bandit now. He'd come a long way since Treehouse Chris.

Scott. You know what's great about that? I even double checked it before and I was like, yeah, that's his fucking name. That'll do. Thank you. You wrote this? Yeah. Look, I've written, yeah, that's his fucking name. That'll do. Thank you. You wrote this? Yeah.

Look, I've written, he's come a long way since Treehouse Chris. Who's Treehouse Chris? We'll get to him later. Yeah, don't worry. That's part two. Okay. Do we all know who I'm talking about? Because I don't.

Scott. Scott. Hollywood. Hollywood bandit. Treehouse Chris. They're all one guy. They're all one guy. Okay, so he struck a few times, but for over a year he lay low, and the FBI started to wonder if he'd given up for good or moved away from the area.

But then, on November 24th, 1993, he struck again. He'd been underground for a year, but had spent the $322,000 he'd robbed and needed more cash. He went straight back to the source, hitting the same bank that had paid up over $250,000 a year earlier. He again enlisted the help of Stephen Paul Myers, who got a promotion from Money Launderer, this time to Getaway Car Driver. He again enlisted the help of Stephen Paul Myers, who got a promotion from Money Launderer, this time to Getaway Car Driver. You enjoying this? I guess we're just remembering one of her jokes from before.

You can tell. Her face lit up. She's like, remember that funny thing I said? No one out there laughed, but I enjoyed it. John Paul Young. Am I right? Yeah. I enjoyed it. John Paul Young. Am I right? Yeah. I was thinking of John Paul Young. What are we doing?

It's not comedy. We're losing them, I'll tell you that much. Alright, brandishing his trademark Glock. Scurlock hit the bank whilst Meyer stayed outside scanning police radio frequencies. Scurlock got away with another Myers stayed outside scanning police radio frequencies. Scurlock got away with another hundred grand, threatening to kill anyone who hit an alarm.

No one did. He buried most of the money on his property and only gave his accomplice Myers $5,000. That was the typical amount he paid for help. Apparently, it kept them hungry for more. Kept them hungry, yeah. You don't look hungry over there. I just thought it was, I thought, no, keep it up, because you're just sitting there like this otherwise.

Are you going to edit out all this popcorn related stuff, Dave? Because it'll be baffling for those at home. Well, for those at home, I'm eating popcorn. I think they're pretty much caught up now. Well, Skirlok felt he deserved the money because he was doing most of the work and taking most of the risks. Hollywood always did his homework. I love it. He scoped out his targets for several days before, making notes of comings and goings. He mostly struck on Wednesdays and Thursdays around noon

after cash deliveries when he knew the bank would be stocked. And he favoured bad weather as he believed it made police response time slower. Cops are like, oh. Yeah, we've got a bank robbery. I just did my hair. Man down, man down. Where's the brolly? Where did I put it?

And he knew how to get pumped up for a robbery. Man down, man down. Where's the brolly? Where did I put it? And he knew how to get pumped up for a robbery. According to CBS, before a robbery, he would enter his barn and blast Kenny Loggins danger zone as he slowly changed his appearance.

Putting on the fake chin. Fuck yes. Moustache. Yeah, that's good. Straight to the danger zone. After the robberies, he would remove the make-up with alcohol spray in seconds. And then if he needed to, he could wait in a local cafe, completely unrecognisable, as he waited for the heat to die down.

And get a skinny flat white too. Yes, enjoy himself. Yeah, beautiful. Probably paying cash. Get some brunch. Scurlock and Myers robbed five banks in 1994, three in Seattle and two in Portland, stealing a total of 263 grand.

And by the spring of 1995, Scurlock had robbed 12 banks of nearly a million dollars. He'd been terrorising the city's banks for three years. Only one city failed as a dive bomb hidden in one of the notes went off as he exited the bank. Someone also noted down the licence plate of the getaway car and the FBI found it had recently been sold by an elderly couple to a man who bought it for cash without even taking a test drive.

They described the man and a sketch artist drew him. Oh, he's the hottest man I've ever seen. And they're looking at it going, no, hotter, hotter. Mel Gibson hot. I swear to God. If I was 60 years younger. Yeah, his face was painted blue and he had a cross in the middle of it. I think he was wearing a kilt. Yeah, his face was painted blue and he had a cross in the middle of it. Oh.

I think he was wearing a kilt. And he said he may not take the cash, but he would take the freedom, which was the make and model of the car. That was standing O. Well, sitting O this time. I don't like to lie. That was a standing O. What's sitting O this time? I don't like to lie. That was a sitting O. That's less common.

It's much less common O. You never read about a sitting O. Nah, never hear about that. That's big. That's big. So the FBI, they had a sketch of what they hoped the man looked like. I've seen the sketch. Not hot enough.

Absolutely not hot enough. Banks were embarrassed that he'd robbed them. He even hit a lot of them twice and the fact that he got away again they were really embarrassed. Was it a point where they were like no, no, we didn't get robbed. No, no, no. Just a stock take issue. Just don't. Sharon lost the money.

We didn't get robbed again. Sharon, you're fired. The Puget Sound Violent Crimes Task Force, a group composed of FBI agents and Seattle police detectives, made stopping Hollywood their top priority. A $50,000 reward was put out by the Banking Association, and law enforcement had 45 people working full-time on his case. But they had no idea who he was,

and even though he hadn't yet fired his weapon, they thought that if cornered, he wouldn't hesitate to fire. They worried it was only a matter of time before someone was seriously injured or killed. They reasoned that if they were to stop Hollywood, they would need to predict where he was going to strike next and be ready. By cross-referencing the robberies and breaks in between, they reasoned that Hollywood struck when he needed money and that he was spending on average about $20,000 a month. Easy.

What are you getting? Yacht. New one every month. I also get really seasick. So I'm just going to put it in the backyard. You also get really shit yachts. Yeah. Is 20 grand not, is that a bad yacht?

Oh, no, let's ask the banker. Can I have a yacht? Okay. Finally. Just got to know the right questions to ask these guys. We are in Sydney as well. Like, everyone's rich up here. They're all thinking, like, 20 grand, yachts.

We've all got multiples. You richy-richs. Probably got Maccas in your house too. Best bit of that movie. You guys got Maccas in your house? Yeah, but it's two weeks old. Yeah, but it's two weeks old. Someone said, yeah, but it's two weeks old.

And I didn't get it. But I loved it. I did love it, though. I loved it, though. It's got Maccas in the house. Maccas in the house. Two-week-old Maccas. Two-week-old Maccas.

Not like a shop. That is good stuff. Okay. It's my community. That is good stuff. It's my community service helping the elderly. I'm putting it on the list. That's the first time I'm going to tell you about an audience member's joke. Remember when that person said

yeah I've got Maccas in the house. But it's two weeks off. If somehow I could relive that moment, I would have laughed earlier. I'm like, when it was built two weeks ago and in Sydney, you're so fancy that that's not worth talking about?

Surely a new McDonald's would be a good thing. Probably got one of those little kiosks where you just don't even have to talk to the one person who works. Let's move on from this. Dave, do go on. Basically, they worked out when they thought he did money again and the task force waiting near the banks in the neighbourhood seemed that he seemed to favour robbing,

so they just had cops stationed around near the banks. In uniform or they're undercover cops? Yeah, they probably should have thought about that. Yeah, I feel like if I was about to go rob a bank and there were some cops out the front, I'd be like, oh, maybe tomorrow. Yeah. I'll come back.

I'll go to a different bank. Nah, it's the perfect time to strike. They'll never expect it. Use your head, Jess. Hollywood struck twice in 1996, in January and May, pulling in another quarter of a million dollars. For these robberies, he's expanded to a three-man operation with Myers and also Mark Biggins was back,

the guy that four years earlier had shat himself and flooded the car on the first robbery. Hang on. Earlier when you said he flooded the car, I thought you meant like with petrol. But are you talking... He filled a car with shit. He's like, I can't stop it.

It's filling up. They had to wind a window down. Needless to say, Mark wasn't allowed to drive this time. A very different moment. You remember that famous Titanic scene? Very good reference. We were in a cinema where they do the fingers down the window. Oh, no.

Don't think about that in this case. I certainly won't. This time, Mark was allowed to go into the bank as crowd control with Scott Scurlock. So the two people go into the bank as crowd control with Scott Scurlock. So the two people go into the bank. You got his name right. Well done. Thank you.

You might know him as Treehouse Chris. I mean, it would have been smart for him to have an alias. I've just given him one. In November 1996, Scott planned to take things to the next level and rob not one, not two, but three banks in a single day. No one would be suspecting that, just like you said, Matt. But, however, learning that all the banks in Seattle had been convinced by police to put electronic traces

inside all of their bound money, he was deterred and ended up only hitting one bank. Coward. He just absolutely wussed out. But that day was Wednesday, November 27, 1996, the day before Thanksgiving. It was going to be a big job. Because of the holiday, the bank was thought to have three or four million dollars inside. Scurlock and Myers entered the Seafirst Bank in Lake City at 5.41pm. And the most wild thing for me here is in America, their banks are still open at 5.41pm. O most wild thing for me here is in America their banks are still open

at 5.41pm. Ours close at like 9.01am. You will not let us get our own money. What's with that? Anything? Anything to say for yourself young man? Soon as Sherlock and Myers entered, one of the banking

employees had been briefed about looking out for men wearing weird-looking theatre makeup. That is hurtful for the travelling circus troupe in town. That's right. Any clown, they're just like, panic button, panic button, panic button. They're just like, this is my face. The employee secretly hit a hidden panic button.

I've lost my spot here, padding. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And we're back. Hit the panic button and then seconds before they were told, everyone on the ground. They only just got in. Whilst Myers held the people on the floor at gunpoint, Scurlock raided the vault with the head teller

and stuffed a bag full of money. Four minutes later, Scurlock and Myers calmly walked out the front door. However, one of the customers inside ignored their demands to stay on the floor and quietly followed them and then rang 911

with a description of their blue Dodge Caravan getaway car. Dodge Caravan! I didn't realise they were in a fucking caravan! How did you not realise that? You wrote all these things down. Yeah, but I just didn't think about the fact that... I was like, yeah, it's just called a caravan.

It's a caravan. That's the worst getaway car of all time. Heaps of storage for cash, though. Yeah, you're right. Exactly. You can have a little sleep halfway through. Love that. Halfway through what?

The getaway. Sorry, it was a silly question. So, and the person who called 9-1-1 also described what direction they were driving in. The area they'd robbed was actually completely new and all the officers stationed to capture the bandits were in other suburbs. So no one was there to immediately intercept them.

Scurlock, who I remember preferred to rob in bad weather, had the tactic backfire on him when torrential rain and huge wind gusts coupled with the Thanksgiving holiday meant traffic on the freeway was gridlocked. The getaway driver made a wrong turn when leaving the bank and drove straight into a traffic jam. So they were really slow to leave the area.

They changed vans and got into a white Chevrolet Astra van, but by this time, the neighbourhood was crawling with FBI and police patrol cars were everywhere. Some FBI agents saw the white van, decided to tail it and, acting on instinct, put their siren on to pull it over. But the van didn't pull over. Instead, it slowly continued to drive

before suddenly coming to a stop. Scurlock jumped out of the van with a shotgun and aimed it at the task force agents who were sitting ducks, but fortunately for them, the gun jammed and failed to fire. So they didn't even have a crack at just pretending they were completely... Oh, hello, officer. Oh, hi. No, he's just like, hello.

And then it didn't fire. The officers, you know, when they didn't get shot at, fired several shots into the back of the van, which Scurlock got back into, and it continued to drive slowly down the street. It's a very slow getaway. Honestly, I don't want to sound like I don't always believe the police, but I want to see the

footage. I want to see this footage of Treehouse Chris shooting first, because I... Oh no, he took a shot at us first, his gun just jammed. That's the only reason we don't have any shots on us. And then we riddled them with bullets. You know what I mean? I don't mean to be sceptical, but

let's be honest. A few minutes later the van again stopped, and Myers this time got out of the side door with a shotgun and successfully fired it at the officers. The officers again returned fire, and again the van slowly drove away. The back window of the van was then smashed out from the inside, and one of the occupants began firing an assault rifle

in an attempt to deter the officers, who were still slowly tailing them. Finally, the van came to its final stop when it slowly drove into the side of a house. But this time, no-one got out. The perfect crime. The officers stormed the van and inside they found Biggins and Myers, who had both been seriously wounded with multiple gunshot wounds.

Myers was dragged from the van and an FBI agent, are you Hollywood, are you Hollywood, which is such a weird sentence, he said no. The officers searched the van and found two 12-gauge shotguns, a US military semi-automatic rifle, two semi-automatic pistols, three two-way radios, a police frequency scanner, a guitar case converted into a gun case. Ooh.

Which is pretty badass. That is badass. And more than a million dollars in cash. But they didn't find... Somebody just wooed for a million dollars in cash? But they didn't find... Somebody just woo for a million dollars in cash? Hell yeah. There was a gun case. Million dollars cash.

Well, actually, if you check under your seats. One of you. And they searched the van. They found all that stuff, but they didn't find a certain Mr Hollywood or his Glock pistol. He had somehow eluded police and escaped on foot, despite the van travelling so slowly and the officers being right there.

He'd gotten away. Biggins and Myers were taken to the hospital to be treated for their injuries. During questioning, Myers told FBI agent Sean Johnson that, which that's the best FBI agent name, Sean Johnson, love that, that Scott Scurlock... That's the best FBI name. You can see that in a movie.

Come on. I can picture the name Sean Johnson? Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah, take a moment, though, Jess, and really picture it. It's going to take a while. Think about it. It'll take a little bit of brain space.

Sean Johnson. Wow. That's a name you can set your watch to. That is... That's a good name. Real cool name. Thank you, Sean. That's Sean Johnson.

Thank you. There is a Sean Johnson in here going, oh, no, I thought it was cool. Oh, come on. I thought it was cool. No, they told the FBI agent from the hospital that Scott Scurlock was the mastermind behind the heist. Oh, they just immediately threw him

under the fan. And that he lived in Olympia. They gave his address. They absolutely narked on him. Great. Couple of snitches. The FBI stormed Scott's house, barn and tree house. They're probably like, what the fuck? They found evidence of his crimes, including a secret room under the floorboards where he applied his makeup.

I think he called that the danger zone. So they knew who he was, but not where he'd gone and if he was injured. Helicopters and police dogs were called in for a search. A six-block perimeter was set up and locals were warned to look out for anything suspicious. Officers searched all night, but no sign was found. The next day was Thanksgiving and two blocks from the scene of the van, 85-year-old Wilma C. Walker.

Is that a better name? Wilma Walker? Yeah. Yeah, that's a better name. Thank you. Than Sean Johnson. Sean? name? Wilma Walker. Yeah. Yeah, that's a better name. Than Sean Johnson. Sean? Sorry.

Wilma? Sean Johnson would be a better porn star name for someone with a bald dick. That's going on the list. Wilma Walker, she's 85. She's hosting Thanksgiving lunch. Having a great time. She asked her sons to have a look around her property, especially the camper van in her backyard,

because she thought the offices that had searched her backyard had failed to go in there. Oh. She's like, just have a look. That would feel like a fairly obvious place to check. They were like, oh, he's not on the lawn. All good. Hang on, hang on.

I haven't looked up that tree. Yeah. No, we're good. Clear. The brothers went out and, lo and behold, the camper was weirdly locked from the inside. Wilma's son, Ronald, ran in yelling, I saw him. I saw him.

He has black curly hair He's super hot Honestly mum, I want to fuck that guy Mum, I need you to leave Mum, go for a Wilma Walker, would you? Your approval means everything to me. Honestly, if my mic's not working, that's fine. I'm just enjoying the show. So they called the police who turned up and surrounded the camper.

After receiving no reply when they yelled out to the curly-haired man inside, the officers pumped two cans of capsicum spray into it. They heard a single shot fired inside and the officers started firing into the camper. They're very trigger-happy. They hit it 30 times. They don't even know for sure that it's him in there. There's a man with curly hair in there What if it's like a kid who's stuck in there or something

Sorry I shouldn't have said kid But also like maybe the cops shouldn't be so trigger happy You know what I mean They then waited hours before finally Tear gassing the camper twice And then storming it So they've already, they've caps and sprayed 30 bullets

Wait a while And then they're like what's next a grenade What do we do So they've already, they've capsized and sprayed 30 bullets, wait a while. And then they're like, what's next, a grenade? What do we do? Oh, bazooka. Bazooka, yeah. I feel silly. It's Thanksgiving. I've had too much turkey.

Oh, my God. I'm so full. I'm not thinking. Get the bazooka. So they finally stormed it, only to find, I'm sorry to say, the body of Scott Scurlock inside, who'd ended his life. Is he alive or dead? The body of Scott Scurlock.

Who was still alive and doing well. It's actually a beautiful body and full of life. Dave, you should... Because when you said body, it made it sound like he might be dead. Yeah. So you've got to be careful with the words you choose. Which after, like, 30 bullets is impossible. This is sad, but he had taken his own life.

That was the bullet that they first heard. Well, there's also 30 more. And then also, apparently, he'd been shot six more times. But they're very keen to point out... But it's also 30 more. And then also, apparently he'd been shot six more times. But they're very keen to point out that we didn't kill him. We just shot his body. I'm going to want to see the tape again. One of the most successful bank robbers in US history had finally stopped.

All up, he had robbed 18 banks over four and a half years and stolen $2.3 million. I mean, those are big numbers, but 2.3, 18 banks, eh. You know what I mean? Was it worth it? Probably not. I think it's inflation and stuff involved here. It's probably worth

quite a lot more money than that. What are we talking? That could be, how many was it in 1996? 2.3. Could be 2.5, 2.6 by now. Holy shit. We don't know. There's no way of finding out. Are you serious?

There's no calculators powerful enough yet. A little postscript about Wilma C. Walker. Yep. The 85-year-old Thanksgiving host who'd sent her sons out to check the camper applied for the $50,000 reward that had been put out on the Hollywood Bandit by the banks. But the banks said the Walkers didn't qualify for the reward. You dogs.

You fucking dogs. 85-year-old woman. You're like, no. How do you look at yourself in the mirror? No, that money was for people who found where he was. And you found where he was. This is how they tried to get out of it. See first, indicate, that's the bank,

indicated the walkers wouldn't get any reward money because when they called 911, they hadn't identified the man in their mother's backyard as the robber. It's like when you call a radio station or something and you don't identified the man in their mother's backyard as the robber. It's like when you call a radio station or something and you don't say the secret code word. I woke up with today and there's a bank robber in my van. So they hadn't said that exact phrase. They just said it could be the guy or something.

And they were like, check the tape. You didn't say the secret word. Now they're showing the tape. All the other ones go missing somehow. However, after a deluge of negative publicity from the media, coupled with thousands of telephone calls from angry citizens, the banks relented and agreed to pay the full $50,000. Good.

Wilma died the next day. LAUGHTER As for Hollywood's accomplices, they pleaded guilty and both were sentenced to 21 years and three months in federal prison. Oh, just make it 21 years. Just make it 20 years. Sorry. 21 years, three months?

Sorry. Stephen Paul Myers was released in 2013 and was listed as living in Louisiana, while Steve Biggins was released in 2015 and was said to be living in Olympia, Washington. So they served 17 and 19 years each.

I hate that. Really should have ended on the prize money because that is the story of the Hollywood Bandits. Give it up for Dave Warnicke, everybody. Thanks, everyone. Well done. Well done, Dave. I loved that story about Treehouse Chris.

What a guy. I thought that was great. What a guy. Who was your favourite character? Ooh, John Paul Young. I liked Sean Johnson. Give me nothing, Sean. Come on.

I also liked our banker friend. Sorry for that. Let's give I also liked our banker friend. Sorry for that. Let's give it up for our banker friend. Boot at home, Dave. Hey, so this is our first show in Sydney in over three years. So we're absolutely stoked that you could come out and support the show. Come see us do this podcast. Thank you so much.

Give it up for yourselves. Yeah, why not? Hey, thank you so much for coming out. We'll see you next time. Goodbye. Bye. Bye. You can get anything you need with Uber Eats.

Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs and mozzarella balls, yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats, get almost almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. We can wait for clean water solutions.

Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from Indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Well, that brings us to everyone's favourite section of the show.

Bloody hell, what a great live experience we just had in Sydney. That's right, but we are now back in the room. Sin City. Is that what they call it up here, Bob? I think I got Sydney. Oh, okay. Very close there. We should say we are recording this. We're in Sydney, but we haven't done the live show yet.

We're very excited to do it. So I don't know if it went well. I was lying then. Oh, no. I know it went well. He was acting, which is lying. Actors are all liars. Professional liars.

Charlatans. And get out of my sight. That's what I said last time I saw Hugh Jackman. Wow. Real dog of a boy. You charlatan. You charlatan. You liar. You get out of my sight. That's what I said last time I saw Hugh Jackman. Wow. Real dog of a boy. You charlatan. You charlatan. You liar.

You get out of my face. Get out of my face. Get out of my house. Was he just on your TV? Yeah. Get out of my house, Hugh Jackman. You liar. I threw the TV out the front door.

You get out. Lucky I had an extension cord so I could see his face shatter as he hit the bitumen. I'll show him. Ow, Hugh. Cop that, Hugh. You dog. My Hugh jackass.

That's great. I wish you were there. I wish you were there to say it right to his face on the screen. He would not have known what to do. So anyway, Jess and I in particular have not had a lot of sleep, but we're having a good time. Exactly. We think.

We've found giant Skittles. We're having a great time. So this is the part of the show where we thank some of our great supporters. Some of them have been supporting us for years. And without them, this show would not be possible. So we're going to read out a few names. But this section is really to thank everyone who is supporting us at patreon.com slash dogoonpod or dogoonpod.com. Of course, it is everyone's favorite section of the show.

A lot of people do skip the report and just listen to this. And I don't blame them. We've got to start putting the show notes, the time codes for when this starts. We're going to have to listen to the rest of that crap. That's right. And there's all sorts of things you can get if you support us. Bob, what's a quick list? Quick list.

What's your top five? Three bonus episodes. That's one, two, and three. Yep. You get access to a Facebook group. Four. That's one, two, and three. Yep. You get access to a Facebook group. Four. You can vote on topics. The kindest corner of the internet.

And the voting on topics. Very important. Like Dave's report you just heard was voted on by our great supporters. That's right. I put three up. They chose that one and I think they did a good job. Yeah, because when you were saying to me earlier that you thought one of the other ones was maybe better until they picked that and then you're like, no, they were right.

Actually, yeah. It's almost like they just seem to know. I trust the patrons. I'm so curious to know what the one you thought was the best one and what the one that ends up being the one we do. Very excited. Anyway, another reward or whatnot that you can get if you support us, on the Sydney Schoenberg level, you get to give us a fact, a quote, or a question.

And you also get to give us a suggestion or a recipe or anything really, a brag, whatever you like. You can use it in any way, which way. It could be an insult. Yeah. That would be odd. That would be a little odd. But you could technically do it.

I mean, it could be a proposal. No. I mean, it could be a proposal. No. I mean, it could be. But the answer is what Jess just said. No. No. That's a no from me. Unless you're proposing to transfer $1 million into my bank account.

That's an indecent proposal, Jess. What are they expecting for that kind of moolah? Nothing. Oh, fantastic. Well, I'm offering nothing. That's a very decent proposal. I want to say they could do anything. Yeah,olah? Nothing. Oh, fantastic. Well, I'm offering nothing. That's a very decent proposal. I want to say they could do anything. Yeah, I'd do anything.

Whatever you want. Whatever they want. If someone transfers a million dollars in my account, I'll do whatever you want. Really? Yeah. Really? Yeah. As long as it's pretty much legal.

You know what I mean? If it's one of those things that's maybe not fully legal Like would you kill someone? No, that's definitely illegal You know what I mean? I do things in the grey zone Okay And in the legal zone

Yeah What colour is that? Legal zone? That is magenta Obviously the illegal zone is fuchsia. Highway to the grey zone. What's in the grey zone? Grey zone.

I mean, they're things like... Like doing 2K over the speed limit. 2K over the speed limit. For like 13 seconds. Slapping someone on the back really hard, pretending that you're saying good job, but you're hitting them. It's a little bit harder. You know what I mean? So it's like... And they're like, oh the back really hard, pretending that you're saying good job, but you're hitting them. It's a little bit harder.

You know what I mean? So it's like, and they're like, oh, that felt hard, but they're confused because. Your tone and your face. Yeah. Saying great job. Great job. I love you.

Smack. Smack. I haven't thought about that before, but that could be the perfect crime. As long as you're yelling I love you while everything's legal. In the grey zone. In the grey zone. Which is what I think of as love.

It's beautiful in there, in the grey zone. It's the colour of love, grey. Everything, when I'm with her, everything is grey. Everything goes grey. So, we've got four people who have given us a fact quote question, et cetera, this week. I don't read them until I read them, and here we go. The first one comes from Nathan Damon,

aka the Silver Fox, bracket, well, more silver than fox, close bracket. Love a bit of self-depro there from Nathan. And Nathan is giving us a suggestion. Which reads, Matt! You have my permission to read this before you read it. Well, I can't do that because I don't do it. I'd have to read it before to get the permission.

You know what I mean? It says, director's note, I need you to sell this. Draw on your air conditioning salesman training and have a little fun with it. Okay. This is going to be a little play. Okay. So, I think all of that I wasn't meant to read out loud. Okay.

Okay, guys, lean in. I have an idea. I have three words for you. Hall of Fame. Okay. I'm leaning. Hey Matt, I'm interested in what you're saying right now. You're really selling this to me.

A section of the Dugo Honours that celebrates and immortalises the all-time classic episodes of the pod. Kind of a lifetime achievement award, if you will. I'm talking Turkman Bashy, Back to the Future, and of course, Shackleton, to name a few.

They each would receive a plaque on the wall of the triptych club that would naturally be a conversation starter for members. Now to seal the deal. Oh, that's in brackets. I'd pretend I didn't say that out loud. It could be called, wait for it, the Golden Bettys, named in honour of our patron Saint Betty White. So what do you think? What's called the Golden Betty there, Matt?

The Golden Bettys, that's the Hall of Fame. It's like he wasn't even listening. So sorry, Nathan. So it's a plaque on the wall of the Triptych Club. Yeah, which is theatre of the mind, you know which and it's like some of our best episodes yeah maybe one gets inducted each week i don't know who selects them what about if just every week we induct that week that week's episode so we just have 360 we can't induct one every week otherwise it's just every yeah so maybe it has to be the only thing that I've got against it is I love them all.

They're like my children. Yeah, how do we possibly choose that? It's subjective. It's subjective. It's subjective. It's subjective. It's subjective. It's subjective.

It's subjective. It's subjective. It's subjective. Yeah, that's right. It's subjective. Do they know what's causing it? Yeah. How could we possibly say, you know, an episode that we didn't enjoy was bad when that could

be somebody's favorite episode? That's true. Somebody could have named their child after that episode. They love it that much. Turk and Bashy. But I don't think we're saying any episodes are bad. This is only putting up the particularly... But I want to do a Hall of Shame as well.

Okay. You're arguing for and against the Hall of Shame at once. That's right, because I think you can't have a Hall of Fame without a Hall of Shame. That's right, because there's no Hall of Fame out there without a Hall of Fame. Exactly right. The Rock and Roll

Hall of Shame. We've all heard of it. We love it. Gary Glitter's in there. Oh my goodness. Yeah, there's some really bad people in there. And some have also

made it to the Hall of Fame. Yes, there's some in both, I'm sure. Probably quite a lot. Yes. I like the idea, Nathan. I think next time it swings around and maybe just send one at your next convenience, Nathan. I think next time it swings around,

and maybe just send one at your next convenience, but maybe I'd love to hear your suggestion. You might have to recap this because we'll almost definitely have forgotten this suggestion by then. But also suggest how do we select these episodes and what are your thoughts on the Hall of Shame? It did sound like he was saying it could be part of the Do Go On Awards. Oh, the Razzies.

I know the Razzies. What do we call it? The Do Go On. The Golden Shiny Garys. Golden Shiny Garys. Which is basically we get the Patreon people to vote for their favorite episodes of the year. Oh, great point. Each year we could induct a couple.

Yeah, that's a very good point. I like that. No, I think I'm with you, Nathan. I reckon that's a beautiful idea. I think that's fun. I don't know who's hosting the Golden Shiny Garys this year. I'm not sure either. They do go honours.

But we'll find out. Thanks for that suggestion, Nathan. And you might have to remind us a little later in the year. The next one comes from Roy Phillips, aka man trying to cram a clam into a clean cream can. That was exhilarating. I was gripping on for dear life.

You nailed it. I was sweating. The world slowed down and sped up. Oh, Roy, you devil. But you got there. You absolutely... The rollercoaster was... That was a perfect dismount.

That was a perfect dismount. That was thrilling. Oh, man. I felt like I was on a bucking bronco. Oh, my God. Every word, it was kicking. Whoa. Whoa. I'm crying oh Dave's on his phone He's just waiting it out When Matt cracks it

It's probably the funniest thing on this earth You may as well have pulled out a newspaper, Dave He's like, alright This might take a while I'm glad I brought a book Roy Phillips Good luck topping your question I'm glad I brought a book. Roy Phillips, good luck topping your question from your title there. Which was?

That was just the title. That was his title. I've got tears rolling down my face. All right. Oh, it looks okay. So this is Roy's. I bet he has a really serious, sad question. My dog is unwell. So Roy's question is...

Oh, Dave. He writes, I've just seen and met Dave live in London for the Book Cheat live shows. Books forever. Powerful handshake from Dave too. Yeah. Dave. I didn't give anyone a dead fish, that's for sure. Yeah.

On the topic of books, if you could erase the memory and reread one book for the first time again, which book would you choose? It's a good question. It's a good question. Do you want to hear Roy's answer? Yes. Yes. That's a good question. Do you want to hear Roy's answer?

Yeah. Yes. For Roy, he would pick The Murder on the Orient Express. Full of twists and turns and a great story, but now that I know them, I don't feel I can reread the book. I think I would want to reread The Hunger Games series. Oh, cool. Because they're real page turners.

So, yeah, that's what I would go for. I had a couple of others in mind and then realised I hadn't read them in such a long time that I've forgotten it all anyway. So, now's the right time to go back and read them. You've almost got that skill in build. God, I'm good. Yeah, I'd read The Hunger Games again. Right. I think I would probably say Of Mice and Men. Oh, yeah.

That's a good one. Because I know... I don't want to give away anything. But the ending, I would be thinking about that the whole time and it would be too hard to read the rest. I think I've forgotten the ending. I think I can read Of Mice and Men again. Fantastic. Yeah.

We'll just watch the film. Beautifully written. It's a Megadeth song, right? I don't think I know that book. There is a band called Of Mice and Men, too. Oh, I'm thinking of the band Of Mice and Men, am I? No, you're right oh that's john steinbeck i'll probably listen to that book cheat episode let's say who'd you have on

that week uh maybe was it gerald and laura dunneman an early one yeah great and it was about the the just the two men it is about lano and woodley yes uh awesome um yeah i don't know for Yes. Awesome. Yeah, I don't know. For me, because I don't know. There is enough Mice and Men, some more Megadeth. Anyway, I don't know. I think that's a good example of murder on the Orient Express.

Any sort of... Sort of a twist. Something that relies on the twist. Yeah. Something that makes you sort of go like, you know, then that's really fun to read. Sometimes I think stuff like that, especially if you're watching it, if it's got such a twist that you go,

whoa, I didn't see that coming. If you re-watch it, you're like, oh, there's a little hint there, a little hint there. And you enjoy that. You enjoy picking up little crumbs. Yeah, going, I missed that. I missed that. But that's good.

Yeah, that's awesome. They were dangling in front of my face and laughing at me. Dave, I'm so keen. We haven't done the live shows yet, but we have been to the venue here in Sydney, the Ritz. It's a beautiful old art deco cinema. And it's just been redone. How good would it be to watch a Poirot film there?

But would you want the Kenneth Branagh, the new ones? Or we get the Soush out there? I think we get a Soush one. I would love that too. Yeah. Because they are, a lot of the later series are movie. Yeah, we get a movie length Soush. Death on the Nile, fantastic one.

Yeah. And we all dress up in appropriate clothing. That would be the best. In inappropriate clothing? In inappropriate clothing. Fantastic. So Dave can leave his pants off. Yeah.

Luckily they don't have cream seats. Can't remember what colour the seats were, but yeah. Don't think they were cream. Yeah, so I'm not sure. I don't know if I really have an answer because I think I often forget the books. I can't think of a book that... Where's Wally 2 was pretty good. Yeah, the twist in that.

Yeah. What about your old mate Bill Bryson? Bill Bryson, I think you can reread those because they're sort of more factoids and stuff. Yeah. Oh, there's a bonus question. When are all three of you coming back to the UK, Europe? Obviously, Roy got to shake your hand.

He would have asked me as well. A lot of people asked me on that day. When are the others coming back? I mean, and, you know, I appreciate your ability to forget the pandemic. Okay. It's not our fault it's been a while. Yeah. Okay.

But, yeah, I think we're hoping, I mean, one of our main plans for the three of us, next big thing is probably going to be the US is what we're hoping. Hopefully, yeah. But we obviously don't want to jinx that but we're hoping next year for that and then you know it's just about time fitting in around schedules and stuff but hopefully i'd love to get back to the uk with all three of us there is some chance i'm going to come later in the year to hopefully do some stand-up and stuff but yeah for, for all three of us, probably... Not for a little while.

Not for a little while, unfortunately. But hopefully next year as well. But yeah, we're so far away from being able to promise that. It feels crazy now, doesn't it? That we went two years in a row. That was a different time. I know. I'm glad we did because we snuck in that extra trip just in time.

Yeah, just in time. The second one. Before the world ended. But we're back. We're back. The world's back. But yeah, hopefully, like, it's something we love doing it. Well, I don't want to talk about it.

I love doing it. David just hate it. They can't stand England. No, no, we can't stand you. Oh. In England. You become a different man. Oh, God, you're crazy in England.

A real Jekyll and Hyde type scenario. Yeah. I had a great time with the book cheat show. It made me think, yes, I've got to come back. So we'll make it happen sometime. And, Roy, I will shake your hand and crush it. Honestly, I've also lost the ability to do long-haul flights. Oh, right.

My latest flight was 11 hours and I went insane. It's not even that bad. Right. Yeah, that's about half. Yeah. That's one leg. I flew Perth to Rome in one go at 18 hours. That's too long.

It was a long time. You start to lose your mind. Yeah. But if you've got enough sushi lined up, the time flies by. Thank you for that question, Roy, and your title. Fantastic. Feels like a week ago. What a moment that was.

Don't. I've just cleaned up the tears. Yeah, I know. I'm trying not to think about it as well. I've just cleaned up the couch. The next one comes from Soph Waldron, aka, this really is the hardest part. Insert witty and or pun-based reference to a recent ep okay so yeah

love that i'm sorry it is tricky yeah you can leave that blank of course as well or you could just write you know sir or doctor or whatever you like yeah whatever doesn't doesn't have to be in there should be low pressure on that could be a title of a book or something yeah whatever um it could be so so you could be so so Soph Waldron. Yeah, love that. For instance. Soph asked a question writing, what's something really popular that everyone told you to watch or listen to or read that you either refused to or did and hated it? And Soph's answered the question saying, for me it's Stranger Things.

I never got into it originally and now I'm trying to watch it and I just don't get the hype. I really enjoyed Stranger Things, especially the – I loved the last season. First season and last season, they were particularly good. Right. But I'm trying to see something that everyone loved and I hated. I feel like, honestly, it happens to me a lot

and I don't mean that in a way of like – I just – I don't like the mainstream. Like, I try to like the mainstream and I rarely do. Yeah. You don't even me a lot. And I don't mean that in a way of like, I just, I don't like the mainstream. Like I try to like the mainstream and I rarely do. Yeah. You don't even own a TV. No. That's what I'm, like I'm not that person. No.

I'm like, oh, you like Stranger Things, an incredibly popular TV show. Lame. I only watch Norwegian crime. Like I, no, I just like, there's so many things that people are raving about. And I'm like, I don't like this. Yeah. I'm trying to, I don't know. Selling sunsets. A lot of like the reality TV shows don't like them, can't watch them.

I tried to watch that show Search Party. Yeah, okay. I watched the first episode, just hated every character. I was like, I hope you all get into a skip and I never see you again. I love that, but yeah, I know see you again. Oh, I love that. But yeah, I know what you mean. Hated them all.

We watched Search Party over the course of about three or four days. All of it. Yeah. And it is bonkers. Right, okay. Like, it jumps the shark

about eight times. It is fucking wild. My partner kept watching it all and I was just like, oh, that guy again. Yeah, oh yeah. When I walked in and she's watching it,

I'm like, oh, I hate that guy. He's awful. I walked in and she's watching and I'm like oh I hate that guy he's awful I know exactly who you mean because he is awful just like you know he's but you like Seinfeld right Seinfeld are all awful people

but they're funny okay Seinfeld I don't I've never watched it not interested oh okay everyone loves Raymond that's a show that I

everyone seems it's like meant to be a classic I just don't what yeah it's like it's like meant to be a classic but I just don't. What? Yeah, it's like it's like critically acclaimed and,

but it just, it felt like the same thing happening every time and it was all like, oh, my wife. Yeah, my wife sucks.

And oh, my parents. Oh, yeah, whim. But I just never could and I like him. I like,

I liked his last stand-up special. Yeah, interesting. Yeah, that show, I just could never get into. I found it depressing rather than funny. But, yeah, I do find the characters on Search Party pretty funny. But, yeah, I also fully understand how,

especially early on they were like getting used to them. Yeah. I should have given them more of a go, but I was just in a headspace where I was like, there's so much stuff out there that I could watch. Totally. I'm not going to put myself through not liking it. It's such a funny thing when people say,

oh, it gets good. You just hate this thing for a while. Yeah, you just have to persevere. There's things I can like straight away. You don't have to... I already like Poirot. Yeah. He's cool.

I'm about to start again. Yeah. Watching the Souchet just defy aging. What a guy.

And gravity. The man floats. Which was a twist I didn't see coming. That's right. That Poirot had superpowers the whole time. Oh, that explains a lot.

Yeah. Happy with those answers? I think so. Yeah. Happy with those answers? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. And then finally from Nathan Swap, aka possibly Bop's least favorite suggestion giver. Wow. Nathan, I'm sure that's, I'm sure.

Well, let's find out. This is Nathan's suggestion. Oh, is it accountants or something? Oh, here we go. Nathan is suggesting that you do a report on the history of submarines. I don't hate submarines. I think they're stupid. I just think they're stupid.

Like we've got, okay, so I need to get over there. Yeah. And there's a body of water in the way. I need to get over there. Yeah. And there's a body of water in the way. I'll get on a boat. Sure. Boats I understand. Okay. Why the fuck do we need to go under the water?

Why? And be like, oh, can't see me. Oh, no, enemies are coming. Let's go underwater. I just think they're funny. Yeah, because they're hiding from the enemies. It's like they're cowardly. That's what it sounds like is your issue with them is that they're cowards.

I just think they're funny. Boats are up on the water. They're going, come at me, enemy. I think they're funny and stupid and not enough people are talking about it. Nathan thinks it would be good for you to have a platform to prove how stupid they are or maybe you flip and become a champion of the submarine i don't think you see that happening i don't think that's gonna happen come on mate be realistic uh great suggestion thank you nathan uh great questions from roy and soph and i love that

suggestion about the hall of fame from another nathan nathan damon uh the next thing we'd like to do is shout out to a few of our other great supporters who've been supporting the show on the shout out level, which I believe is the arse prod level. Yeah. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Sure, why not?

That's one of Dave's great catchphrases. That was asked on a recent episode. Where you go? Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Yeah, why not? And normally, Jess, you come up with a little game based on the topic. On a recent episode. Want to go? Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Why not?

And normally, Jess, you come up with a little game based on the topic. Oh, but we don't know what this episode was about. So can you give us something vague or even maybe we just do it about Sydney somehow because that's where we are? What about... Ritz related maybe? Yeah. It's a bit La La Land. Oh, okay. The Ritz is very La La Land-y.

Okay. As in LA. Oh, no, I can't give it away. A little bit Hollywood. You said a lot there. The venue. I said a lot there. You said a lot there.

I didn't at all. Stop talking. I don't want to know. You don't want to know. Let's just say Glitz and glamour. You know, maybe give them a fancy name. Perfect. I love it.

Give them like an old-timey 1920s fancy name. Yeah, got it. Fancy name. No problem. Why are you still explaining it? No need. I got a fancy name. All right, if I can kick us off then,

I'd love to thank from Southampton in Great Britain, it's John Stockley. It's Josh Stockley. It's Josh Stockley. Oh, no. Or is his fancy name John Stockley? Yeah. His fancy name is John Stizzingston.

Oh, that's good. John? Yes. What was the last name? Stizzingston. Stizzingston. Come on, that's great. Junior.

Junior. Please, John Stizzingston's my dad's name. Call me John Stizzingston. Come on, that's great. Junior. Junior. Please, John Stizzingston's my dad's name. Call me John Stizzingston Junior. That is razzle, that is dazzle. Josh, you're welcome. I'd love to thank from Houston, Texas in the United States, it's John C.D. Up... John...

It's all one word. John C.D. Up... How would you... John C.D. Up... John... It's all one word. John C.D. Up... How would you... John C.D. Oopie. John C.D. Oopie. Which is already very fancy. Already very fancy. I think we just add a little bit of razzle dazzle to that.

Yeah, could you add a little sprinkle a little bit? John C.D. Oopie Ski. Oh. It's almost like you're doing scat there. John C.D. Oopie Ski. No. No. Scat.

Oh, scar, sorry. Are you doing scar there? Oh, yeah. Yeah. God, he wasn't pilling us up. And finally, I'd love to thank from Hofdorp in the Netherlands. Hoofdorp. Hoofdorp.

Hoofdorp. Hoofdorp. I'd love to thank, I mean, how do you razzle-dazzle this? I'd love to thank Ezra Zoram Kanas. Okay, I reckon because that name is already so razzle dazzle, we have to give him a very vanilla name. Okay, yeah. Greg Williams.

Oh, yeah, Greg Williams. Two-time Brownlee medalist, Greg Williams. Diesel, Greg Diesel Williams. Just go, yeah. Sometimes you just go into this world that Jess and I are like, what is he talking about? And we try, Matt. We try to follow. Sometimes you just go into this world that Jess and I are like, what is he talking about? And we try, Matt.

We try to follow. Greg Diesel Williams, a.k.a. Ezra Zoram Canis. Beautiful. What a freaking great name. Jess, do you want to thank a few? I would love nothing more. I would love to thank, from Amarillo in Texas, Kate Beckham. Kate Beckham.

Dave, come on. You haven't done a razzle dazzle yet. Catherine Beckingham Shear. Oh, come on. You haven't done a razzle dazzle yet. Catherine Beckingham Shear. Oh, very English. Yes. From Amarillo, Texas. Catherine Beckingham Shear. Old money.

That's an old money now. She's got mahogany in her house. She's judging you. She's judging you and what you do. Oh, how many doilies do you have in your house? I have several dozen. Not many frills on your kitchen net. Kitchen net.

I look down my nose at you. I try to zhoosh up kitchen by making it smaller. Oh, a kitchen net. I was imagining a kitchen net. I was like, why is there a net in your kitchen? Are you hanging fish? Yes. Anyway.

Very fancy fish. I would also love to thank from Highton in Victoria. Oh, that's very posh sounding. Very nice area. Laura Beverage. Laura Beverage. What's a fancy drink? Champagne.

Oh, yeah. Laura Beverage, more like Laura Champagne. What about like, yeah, Lorraine. Lorraine Champ, more like Laura Champagne. What about like, yeah, Lorraine. Lorraine Champagne. Lorraine Champagne. Lorraine Champagne. Oh, please. There it is.

Lorraine Champagne. And people say, is it Laura Champagne? No. It's pronounced Lorraine Champagne. It's pronounced Weasel. Lorraine Champagne. I think I nailed that. I think that was fantastic.

That's beautiful. From Hyten. Don't need to move Sounds beautiful And from Glasgow I would love to thank Stephen Wilson Stephen Wilson

Stefan Dave what are you doing here Wilsonian Stefan Wilsonian That's good Pleased to meet you Charmed I'm sure Charmed I'm sure

That guy has money Yeah Oh my goodness We're talking about Stacks Oh cash Oh my god yes Pleased to meet you. Charmed, I'm sure. That guy has money. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. We're talking about stacks of cash. Oh, my God, yes. Stefan Williamson. No, that's not it. Anyway.

From Glasgow. No, that's not it. I've already lost it, but I'd like to move on quickly to thank, from an unknown location. I can only assume it's deep within the fortress of the moles. The second half of this name is already very, very posh sounding. It's Matt Farthing. Oh, Penny. Oh.

Yes. Penny Swizz Swanson. Penny Swizz Swanson. Yeah. I like it. Is that anything? It's Swizz Swanson. Matt, it's everything. Matt Farthing, aka Penny Swanson. Penny Swiss Swanson. Yeah. I like it. Is that anything? Matt, it's everything.

Matt Farthing, aka Penny Swiss Swanson. That's good stuff. I imagine that they're getting a big inheritance. Is that a hyphenated surname? Oh, yeah. Are you from the Swiss Swanson Empire? Yeah. Oh, you're from the mole people, Swiss Swanson? My mother did mole hotels and my dad did mole gold.

Oh, Shantae. Dad's in mole gold. I'd like to thank now from Peoria in California. Hopefully I'm saying that right. I'm sure I'll get a note saying no. But it's a big shout out. Peoria. Peoria.

As an alternative. Thank you. And I appreciate that. Appreciate you. From California. Hey, it's a big shout out. Peoria. Peoria. As an alternative. Thank you. And I appreciate that. Appreciate you. From California, it's Roman. Roman's already good. Oh, yeah. Roman's great.

Roman Von. Oh. Oh. Swiss Swazik. Roman Von. Gleibsten. Oh, yes. That's lovely.

Roman Von Gleibsten. That's good. What a guy. I would love to dine at his mansion. Oh, yes. That's lovely. Roman von Gleibsten. That's good. What a guy. I would love to dine at his mansion. His chalet. Oh, yes, please. You want to come to my weekend chalet? My summer chalet or my winter chalet?

It's autumn. We could go to either. Both have guest houses. And I would like to thank, finally, from Fitzroy North in Victoria, Riley Aiton. Riley Aiton. Riley Aiton. All right, Jess, I'll go first name, you go second name. Okay.

You ready? Yes. Miles. Davis. Wow. Yes. No relation? No relation.

To who? To John Davis. How am I supposed to know that? What a weird question, Dave. I'm so sorry, Jesse, that you did that. I forgot that you don't know John Davis. He's a good friend of mine. You've never mentioned John Davis. You've never mentioned him before.

I feel bad about that. He's such a good friend. He's a great friend. He's very shy. I just happened to slip my mind. He's very shy, John Davis. He's a great friend. He's very shy. I just happened to slip my mind.

He's very shy, John Davis. That leaves us only with the Triptych Club. So each week we induct a few of our great long-term supporters. These people have been supporting the show on the shout-out level or above for three straight years. So we're welcoming them into the club. They get lifetime membership. It's a bit of theatre of the mind.

I'm standing on the door. I've got a clipboard. I'm going to read out names. We've got 15 inductees today. Dave, you ready for that? 15? I'll read out the name. Dave's on the stage. Everyone who's already in the club is standing out cheering, chanting, clapping along. Dave's hyped them up. He's got them at boiling point in a

positive way. And he's going to read out their name's got them at boiling point in a positive way. And he's going to read out their name, give them a little bit of a hype up, normally with a bit of weak wordplay. And then Jess, just to make sure Dave's feeling comfortable, is standing behind him, one hand on one of his ass cheeks. I won't say which hand or which ass cheek. Whispering sweet affirmations into his ear. Thank you. Jess, you normally got some sort of cocktail behind the bar?

Hot toddies. Ooh, hot toddies. Very posh. And mimosas. Ooh. Yum. So you got something for the summer, something for the winter. Exactly right.

Any samosas? No. Damn it, I'm hungry. And Dave, you've normally booked a band? Yes, one of the all-time great bands. R.E.M. will be joining us tonight. R.E.M. Are we talking about like legit R.E.M. will be joining us tonight. R.E.M.? Are we talking about, like, legit R.E.M. with songs like...

Everybody Hurts. Losing My Religion. Keeping the vibe high tonight. Night Swimming. Is this who we're talking about? Yes. Shiny, happy people there. I've got one of my...

I'm just having an early, vague memory of watching the American sitcom Full House. Oh, yeah. And in it, the whole episode's building up to the fact that Joey or one of the characters, one of the uncles maybe, has booked REM. And it's going to be this big concert at the end of the show playing at the local cafe. They've got REM. How have they done that? And it turns out that it's like three old ladies whose names are like Renee, Ernice and Mallory.

I was like, are you going to let me get away with that? And then everyone's like, whoa, all these kids are like, whoa, this is a letdown. This is going to be the coolest gig. We're going to see R.E.M. Who are these old ladies? And then they hit the stage and start for some reason playing Devo's Whip It and the crowd's like hang on a second this is actually great these guys rock I hope that's a real thing I hope Ernice is a real name it'd be wild if I've made that up

but that the name Ernice I think you have I think you have. I think you have. All right, Dave. Are you ready to welcome in some people to the club? Sorry. Are we seeing the band Renee, Ernie's and Mallory? Or is this... I'm afraid we are. But they will be featuring a special guest appearance from Michael Stone. Okay, great.

To play with the team. All right. Are you ready, Dave? Here we go. From Dublin, we've got Connor Tyrrell. Connor, it's an honour. Yes. From Barrow-in-Finesse in Cumbria, Great Britain, it's Jack Hall. Jack Hall.

It's an honour to have you in. Oh, no. Jack, not small, Jack Tall. Okay. I'm like, he's been waiting three years for this. Also from Dublin. More like Fumbria, not Cumbria. That was sort of...

Okay, great. Edit that out. I'll edit this one. From Dublin in Ireland, it's Claire Mulhall. Jess, you might need to just give him a chop out of here. I'm absolutely fine. He's running out of steam so early. We've got a few to get through.

Oh, God, there's so many. Dublin, more like... Dublin. Also from Dublin in Ireland, it's Adam O'Reilly. Oh, damn. It's great to have you in, Adam. Dublin. Great to have you here from Dublin in Ireland, it's Adam O'Reilly. Oh, damn. It's great to have you in, Adam. Fublin. Great to be here from Fublin.

From Boreham Wood in Hertfordshire, Great Britain, it's Dalali Kwamla Amafu Day. Nothing Boreham Wood about you. You're very interesting. Nailed it. From Paynham in South Australia, it's Ryan North. No Payneham about you, my friend. You are of great.

You are of great. Jess, you've never had to work harder to be supportive, I don't think. From Portsmouth in Great Britain, it's Tom Ford. I'm looking forward to hanging out with Tom. Yes. He's back. From Galway. You love Galway, right?

Bopper in Ireland, it's Tom. Yes. He's back. From Galway. You love Galway, right? Bopper in Ireland. It's Karen Nally. Karen Nally. What's the Galway song? That famous Galway song? Galway Girl. Karen Nally, the Galway Girl is here. Yes.

From London in Great Britain, it's Hannah Hudson. Can't wait to Hannah hug my son. Whenever he gets home From Hannah Hudson She ain't no Dudson I've never seen Dave choke So don't get in his head He's got the yips He's got a few more, he's alright

You don't say to someone You've got the yips No you don't I'm trying to reverse jinx him. I've never heard the phrase yips before. What does that mean? Oh, don't worry about it, mate. Yeah, you definitely don't have it.

Does that mean I'm nailing it? Come on, like five more. Five more. From Wolverhampton in England, it's Connor Ainslie. Nothing pains me when I see Connor Ainslie. Go Wolves. Go Wolves. Yeah, Wolverhamptoninslie. Go Wolves. Go Wolves. Yeah, Wolverhampton Wanderers.

Wolves. We go from Tontag in Wales. It is Stefan Prince. Royalty. It's Stefan Prince. From Hove in South Australia, it's Elise Jask. I wasn't sure how you were going to pronounce that.

When you're here, I feel like I'm home. Home. Nailed it. At least Jashky, maybe. Jashky. From Stevenage in Great Britain, it's Sam Woodrow. Every time I hear the wind blow, I hear Woodrow. And finally, from Hailsham in Great Britain, it's Steven Jaggers.

He's got the moves like Jaggers. Yes. We did it. He's freaking done it. Thank you so much to Stephen, Sam, Elise, Stefan, Connor, Hannah, Karen, Tom, Ryan, Delaney, Adam, Claire, Jack and Connor. You are all gods amongst people.

That was truly exhausting. I've never felt more pressure in my life. Really? What an easy life you've had. Yeah, honestly. It was weird because it didn't show. It seemed like felt more pressure in my life. Really? What an easy life you've had. Yeah, honestly. It was weird because it didn't show. It seemed like you were on top of it. I felt confident the whole way through.

Thank you. That was fun for everybody. Beautifully done. I think you gave everyone, they'd all waited three years for that. And I think it was worth the wait for each and every one of them. I agree. That'll all be so, like, what an honor to be in this episode's Triptych Club read. Yeah,

the one where Dave almost lost his mind. So, that brings us to the end of the episode. Jess, what do we need to tell people before we go? That they can suggest a topic. There's a link in the show notes. So,

if you come across a story, or you're like, wow, I thought Do Go On would enjoy this, chuck it in. Jack the Hat McVitie, we love your suggestions. And that's anyone

doesn't have to be a patreon that's right anybody can do that you can also find that on our website do go on pod where you can find merch previous episodes and uh stay up to date with all the latest do go on live shows fantastic please boot this baby home hey we'll be back next week with another episode but until then i'll say thank you so much for listening and goodbye. Later. Bye. Almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea and ice cream? Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats.

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