Do Go On - 366 - Whacka for Cloaca: the History of the Cloaca

Episode Date: October 26, 2022

There's one thing we love at Do Go On, and that's a triptych! Our friend (and yours) Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall joins us for the third report in the series ... this time, it's about cloacas! This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 8.09 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report). Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPodLive show tickets: https://dogoonpod.com/live-shows/  Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/ Check out our new merch! : https://do-go-on-podcast.creator-spring.com/ Stream our 300th episode with extra quiz (and 16 other episodes with bonus content): https://sospresents.com/authors/dogoon Check out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​ Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. And welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnocky.

And as always, I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. Hello. Hey, Jess, how's it going? Hey, Dave, how's it going? And how good is it to be alive? It's even better than usual because we are joined not just by each other, which is always a present in itself, but also by a newer present. Alastair Trumbly Bertels here.

Oh my goodness. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you, Jessica. Thank you, Mathica. Thank you, David. No, it's my honor. A, T. Beaker. Yes, we deed it.

The Beaker boy. Hey, Al, I've got some exciting news for you. Tonight, my stand-up hour is premiering on the stupid old channel. This has been hotly anticipated, right? Oh, yeah. I've been seeing it on YouTube and it's been saying, no, no, not today. Not yet. It's coming out soon.

Well, if you look at it today, it'll say, uh-uh-uh, yes today. Wow. Because it's, uh, when this episode comes out, it's 8 p.m. Australian Eastern Daylor at Savings Time time. That could be, if you're in Australia

on the Eastern Seaboard, that's your time. But now it's going to be, of course, Australian Eastern good time. Yes,

that's right. That's right. Exactly. You uploaded. When you first announced it a couple of weeks ago, there's a link that you know that like a holding page

for when it's going to go live. I was like, great, I click on that, give it a like, and it says one waiting. Like someone, I would just imagine them

there for three weeks at the front of the Apple store. waiting for your special. I hope that that was you because you were in there. Yeah, that probably was you. Oh, no. I've been there for three weeks.

No, but there's a chance that there was somebody who set up their laptop and then set up a little tent in front of it. Oh, that'd be kind of like that. Every now and then they get their hand, their hand comes out, they sort of, you know, they waken the screen, they go, not yet, my pretty, like that,

and then they go back to sleep and they're sleeping very. That is so good. Cans of beans and stuff like that pooping in other cans. Don't want to mix up those cans. I think in a way, maybe an equally exciting thing is something I just found out. All four of us are going to be doing solo stand-up shows at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Yeah, can you believe it? I'm very excited about that.

I think that'll be the first time that's ever happened, that all four of us have done a show. Yeah, considering is Jess's first ever solo show, I think that is true. Yeah, that is technically too. Oh, so you actually are. I thought Matt was giving you shit. No, no, I actually am. Oh, my goodness. My day, my day butt.

Is that the name of the show? That would be good actually, day butt. Day butt, night butt, yeah, love that. Okay, yeah, that's pretty good. We could do our shows back to back. I could do night butt. Stop trying to ride my coat tails. Stop trying to ride her butt.

Coat tails is where the butt is. I mean, you know, you could. Let me have my own thing. Let me have something for me. Okay, but can I just cash in on it? Yeah. That's all I'm asking. Can I make money from what we were doing?

Somehow. Please. Yeah, how exciting. Look, that's still a while away. I really hope we don't class so I can come and say it every no one. You don't say it unless you're going to do it. Well, I'm going to get my title in right now. Yeah.

It's Alice at Trombly-Bertrchall in. Alice at Trombly-Bertrtle, no relation. Okay. And when you did the, you did like arm brackets. I did arm brackets that nobody saw. They in parentheses. Yeah, parentheses. Oh, the Americans.

Yeah. Did you grow up calling them parentheses? I grew up calling them a French word for whatever it is. Ah, Guilio Bedou. And Giulio. Squintimidoo. Beautiful language. He can do that because he speaks French.

It's offensive if we do it. That sounded more like gibberish Italian to me. A beautiful language. Language of love, I think they say. Oh, la, can I just say. And it's an absolute pleasure to have you here. Al, you know this, but some people at home might not know that this is Blockbuster, Tober, slash Blovember Month, where we count down our

biggest and baddest topics thousands of people have voted for what they want us to talk about Biggest and best topics Sorry, yes But they're badass Okay yeah The ass on this is so bad

We're saving our biggest and worst topics For another month Yeah that's December It's the rider Who cares But you could have badass Like with a T at the end That kind of makes it like the most badass

Yeah It's true So like best Who do you think has the worst ass of us for I probably have The most like hairspers sprinkled over it I'm just dishealing

shall we compare shall we compare it's an answer I'll show you my day butt and my nightbill and you tell me we'll turn off the lights turn on the lights

that's what it's gonna be see which one you prefer but we've brought you here Al we've invited you here thank you so much of the goodness of your heart for you've prepared a report I believe for

blockbuster time of month yes yes yes yes would you like to find out what I'm doing well you don't want to get too full disclosure the audience, we know the topic. Right.

It's the third in a trilogy. That's right. And I'm so excited for it. Of course, what are the first two parts of this saga? Well, it all started really the audience authored the first one because for years they were calling for keen for peen. That's right. Is that correct?

That's right. They were very keen for pain. That was too keen. Yeah. It was like, well, keep it cool. And so somebody needed to find a way to turn. They were creepy for pee pee pee. You know what I mean?

Absolutely. God, that's good. So I had to try to find a way to take that title and turn it into an episode, and I made it on the history of the penis. Yeah. So trying to evolutionarily speaking, how to where it had come about. And then that seemed to go okay. And then people thought, well, let's balance the gender thing here. And let's make it lit for clit.

Not the gender, Al, the sex. The biological sex. I apologize. Thank you so much for that. That could have been a real rough period for me just then, you know, this being played at, after a job that I get. After a job that I get. Just before we offer this job, I just have to play you something.

I've got a cassette tape. I was going, sorry, everybody. Sorry for anything I said. And so then we did lit for clit, and that was about the history of the clitoris. Which was such a big hit that I believe you took out Best Guest Reporter at last year's. Do go on Golden Shiny Gary Awards as voted for by our patron supporters.

Thank you so much, everybody. That was actually meant a whole. a whole lot to me. And, you know, the fact that I could support clitorises in any kind of way, it feels like it was, it really makes up for my, my life up until this point. Is there, is there any better award to win than one you don't know exists until you've won it? Yeah. Absolutely.

Yeah, yeah, because then you don't feel bad. There's no anticipation. Yeah, yeah. No pressure. Yeah. I like, I just like winning. Do you think I can put that on my poster, comedy festival poster for Alistair? Yeah, golden shiny Gary winner.

Of course. Yeah, yeah. I mean, golden shiny Gary. Put it in the little. Like the little leaf. You know how the awarders in? All the wreaths. Yeah, do that.

You just do that. Nobody actually then reads what's inside there. Yeah, yeah. But the golden hairy, hairy, Gary? Golden shiny. Shiny Gary. So. So the statue does have a very hairy ass.

Yeah, yeah. It's the Golden Shiny Gary at the Do Go Honors Awards. I love that. I thank you so much. It's a bit like Academy Awards. Yeah. And the Oscars. Yeah.

Yeah, like the trophy is an Oscar. I am going to see if I got. put it at least I would put that on the poster I would do that would be fun yeah yeah I'll see if my poster guy

is into it um you gotta post the guy I'm thinking about it you're gonna post a guy who goes vitos over the yeah he's like I'm putting that award on there

is he gonna retort of the show as well I don't know I don't know about that yeah I don't get it now should I start introducing

yeah what this what this possible topic is I mean I can do it in a sort of roundabout well I think that would be fantastic um

all right so for today's episode I want you to picture this, you find a 100 million-year-old dinosaur fossil of a beaked, dog-sized, leaf-munching dinosaur. So cute a shit. Oh, my God, I want one. The Cetacosaurus. Right? That's cute.

Now, it is so well preserved, right? You can still see some, the texture of the soft flesh there in the fossil, including some greenish. You can see some of the scales. right and and and then you see something that is an anatomical area that is still shrouded in mystery for dinosaurs right because we lose all of that viable tissue most of the time right it's an orifice right one of the big three one of the big three i would say maybe one of the big four even matt's eyes are closed yeah yeah now isn't that what i thought i should

We all had our eyes closed. Nah, mate. Now this, this. I've been flipping you off for five minutes. How are you picturing it without your eyes? I can imagine with my eyes open. That's crazy. You're looking at two things at once.

That's insane, Jess. How can you focus? Right? This opening, right, has been flattened during the fossilization process. So you decide to reconstruct it using it into a three-dimensional model. So what you do is you get a paleo artist to help you during long, afternoons walking through the National History Collections and photographing preserved animals' rear ends, right? From amphibians to reptiles to birds, right? And then you turn your lens

on the back ends of a friend's live chickens. This sounds like the coffee table book I've wanted for so long. Right? Butts. Butts through the ages. Until you amassed what we would call a hefty survey of the known cloacal landscape. Oh, my God. Wow. That orifice was the cloaca. Wow. What?

Yes. And what you are doing, right, is you are trying to recreate this vent, which is a fancy word that falconers use for cloacas. A vent. A vent. A vent. You think a vent is a fancy word. The cloaca.

Yeah. I mean, you know, they're, you know what falconers are like. Highfalutin, right? Yeah, yeah. And then using this, they try to reconstruct it so that we can see the oldest known cloaca known to man. The oldest vent. The oldest vent. Yeah.

I mean, you've seen air conditioning vents. You've seen other types. Yeah, I could actually call it my air conditioner as cloaca. You could go the other way. So, the topic today. is the cloaca, right? Now, what do you guys know about the cloaca? Very little.

Yeah, I believe it's some sort of hybrid vent. A bit of an all-in-one type job? Yeah. That's right. It's like the opposite of that Steve Jobs speech that he made about the iPhone. I don't know if you guys remember that because he was like, yes, it is a phone.

Yes, it is a music player. Yes, it is. a calendar or a calculator or something like that. But it's not three devices. It's one device. Right? Like that. Wow.

Well, actually, no, it's not the opposite. That's exactly what it was. It's exactly the opposite. It's exactly that. I think he based that speech on the cloaca. Introducing the eye cloaca. Yeah, but it's not three orifices. But see, what he would really be saying, right, is the cloaca

is a common chamber where much. Multiple body systems come together with multiple functions, right? The genital, which of course puts the fun in function, right? And the intestinal and urinary tracks, which of course puts the funk in function. Right? And then there's also like the whole, I mean, you know, then there's the birthing canal in there as well, if you, you know, if you don't consider that a genital. I do, though.

Okay. But I don't think it's the fun bit. Yeah, no. That's the business bit. Yeah. So also, for those who don't know, the cloaca is the official orifice of the Two in the Think Tank podcast, which is why I was the perfect person to get for this. Yeah. The word cloaca means sewer in Latin. Oh. That's only one of the functions.

Well, yeah, I think, but there is like a sewer from the ancient Roman times that was called. called like the maxima cloaca. Something like that. Cloaca is also the name of that artwork at the Tasmania Museum of Old and New Art. Yeah. That is a fake pooping machine, right? Anyway, not that any of that's important. I'm just trying to clarify which cloaca we're talking about.

Okay, right, yeah. We're not talking about the Maxima Cloaca. No, we're not talking about the big sewer, even though it does mean sewer. Okay. Or it can also comes from the word for cleansing and just getting rid of stuff. I think you like that kind of stuff. All right. Now, the cloaca is present in amphibians, reptiles, birds, elasmo branch fishes.

Do you know what those are? No. Sharks. Oh. I mean, you could have just said that, huh? I would never do that. That would be betraying science. Yeah.

Is it possible that we've devolved to have them separate? It feels like evolution would bring all of this back together. Yeah, you know what? This has been my thinking for years. years. This has been my thinking for years that this is where we should be going towards the cloaca. Right? Because what is it? Firstly, less holes. Less cleaning. Uh, yeah. You know, so much cleaning. There's so much cleaning involved. Oh my God. All the time. Although I guess like as cars have evolved, it's more cup holders. Yeah. That's true. That's more holes. Is that

more holes? Yeah. So. More windows in them? Yeah, more windows. More windows. Do cars have more windows? Then when they began. Yeah, that's true. It used to They didn't have any. No windows and then there was all windows. That's right. In the early days of cars, they hadn't had glass. They didn't have the glass technology for it to not shatter into shards and stab you. Of course, yeah, yeah.

So they didn't have any. The early windshields were wooden, I think, or leather. Of course, they would have had to. Yeah, yeah. They get a leather smith there to just install a big piece of cow in front of the empty space in front of you so that you don't have glass break into your eyes. And then also There are cloacas present in monotremes Yes, I know the echidna and the platypus

Yes, that's right That's right, and these are mammals They're egg-lang mammals The only two in the world That's right, they're a very old version of mammals That broke off And monotrem actually just means single opening I guess they're ignoring the mouth

And stuff like that Eyes In the ears and all that kind of stuff knows. Right. But, oh, to answer your question about the, I think that, yes, the cloaca would be, I mean, I have this dream, this future where everybody has a cloaca, right? This beautiful dream where it's like, you know, everybody has a cloaca. You know, there's men have cloacas, women have cloacas.

Non-binary people have cloacas. I mean, it almost seems like the perfect genital if you're non-binary, right? To me, you know, anyway. So, you know, imagine that. there's almost no separation between anybody anymore. You know, we've removed the division between the genders, but also between the holes that you've got downstairs, right? Because they're all one hole.

So there's no more divisions. I guess we get rid of the goch or whatever it is. That would be the division. Oh, the guch goes? I guess the goch would go. Well, that's it. Couldn't the goutch just ring around the cloaca? Have a gooch ring around?

Yeah, I mean, just put the cloaca into the guch. Yeah. Yeah, sure. I mean, look, and I'll talk to the designers and see, what we can do. Same guy does your post? Same guy. Same guy. But he gets a lot of vetoing power on that. And he might not love the gooch the way

that you do. It feels a shame to lose the goch. I don't want you to lose the gooch. Because apparently the use of three separate orifices for these purposes, the urethra, the anus, and the vagina, is a fairly new evolutionary

adaptation. So which makes me think that maybe one day we'll even have more holes. Because maybe we need one Because, you know, we kind of, we double use the male urethra for like sperm and, you know, and piss. Yeah. Maybe we could get another ureth. Another pipe in there just for sperm. Also, the mouth eats and drinks.

Exactly. That seems crazy. And breathes. Yeah. And breathes. It's like overworked. I'd like a hole in the neck for breathing because I don't want there to be food that can block it up. Yeah.

I don't like that's risky. That seems really risky. Yeah, good point. That's port is on. Yeah. Just put a little vent on it Oh beautiful Just like a little great

Little grill Maybe yeah Just for filtering You know So you don't get dust and stuff in there You could probably even put like a medical grade filter on there And keep germs out Oh that'd be nice

Yeah just have a mask on it constantly Yes Just mask your neck Why even have it on your neck Just straight out the lungs right Just straight out the chest Sure go straight in Just have like a fresh air

In fact like a car One for each lung Oh that's nice Well we're not using knipples for nothing these days. I mean, I'm not. I mean, why not? They honestly have no purpose.

I've never heard of a purpose. I've never heard of anybody. Some of those circular down jet stole ducted heating grills. Yeah. I think that would be really beautiful. Yeah. So, um...

Okay, here we go. And so, oh, maybe... I was just thinking like, in case some people are breastfeeding. Yeah. Whatever. Killjoys. Yeah. Yeah.

Second set of nipples. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, maybe there could be sort of more like the, you know, the traditional kind of male nipples given to women so that they could use them for a breeding. Yeah, perfect. Yeah. Anyway, just thinking. That'll be good, yeah.

I think we have to design. We're designed the ultimate human being. As Homer Simpson, design that car. Yeah. Now, where do you even begin with something like this? It's tricky. Your reports are, like, like, there'll be times where I'll have a report topic where I'm like, I don't know where to start.

But I think these are the most extreme version of that. Where do you start with a bit of a body? Yes, it's difficult also because it's such a wide-ranging orifice. Because as you heard before, there's many reptiles that have it. There's many birds that have it. And there are, of course, some mammals and that weird word for sharks. Right. That I, you know, I refers.

It's mainly like very old-school animals. Living dinosaurs. I mean, sorry if I'm Jess, you're laughing because I'm using real technical terminology there. Old school animals. None of this newfangled shit. Animals like we used to make it.

I mean, I would argue that all animals are old school animals and they all come from really far back. But I guess there are some that have just preserved their older ways, more conservative animals. Right-wing animals. The crocodile. The right-wing animal there is. You want the old white guy of the animal world.

Yeah, yeah. So how about... I'm the old white guy of the animal world. How about I just tell you some of the things that cloacas can do? Yeah. Right? And I'm... Sell them to me.

And I'm hitting you with some fancy stuff. Like, firstly, what we do know is that if the, if you've got the urethra, the sort of the poop track and the sperm or eggs coming through there, it's a dirty hole. right? It's a crazy, dirty What a sewer of a hole What a sewer of a hole So you think Every piss has got a bit of shit in it Every shit has got a bit of

Jizz in it Every Jizz has got a bit of piss and shit in it It's not an ideal situation Every egg's got a bit of like gross All of that on that I mean that's got a shell That's got a shell Is there a real issue with your piss

Having a bit of shit in it or vice versa I mean I don't like to contaminate my piss with shit So is it similar to what how you think there should be more holes than a human. Do you have multiple toilets? Yeah, I don't, I don't like, it's like, it's like a child eating who doesn't like their food to touch. I feel like that, but the opposite. I don't like any of my waste products.

I spit into one sink, I piss into another sink. And so on and so forth. Nothing touches. Yeah. Very fussy excreter. So, as you know, cloacas serve as a, waste elimination point. It also serves the function of the vagina in females.

And in some species, it has a function similar to that of the penis in males. Right. They can receive sperm, lay eggs, and give birth through cloacas. Now, remember last episode, we found out that hyenas get birth through a clip. So I feel like this is a huge improvement. Whoa, I forgot that. How did my brain eliminate that from the memory? It's real big.

It was real big. It was bigger than their males' penises. and they often tear in birth. And I think it's, yeah. I think we posted a photo on our social media at the time. I mean, you got to be. Nature is beautiful. You're probably posting photos of hyenaed genitals anyway.

But some species of amphibians, reptiles, and mammals are thought to have glands in or near their cloacas, which produce their distinctive personal scent. Right. And so they're also kind of their scent glands in there as well. Right. And so they're used to mark their territory, leave personal chemical messages, things like, you know, don't forget to pick up eggs or whatever like that. I mean, not pick up eggs. That wasn't supposed to be a joke about how the egg-lang things. It was supposed to be like pick up bread or milk.

But again, milk sounds like it's coming from the animal. It feels like that because of all the smells you're talking about, it feels like it makes sense that there's some sort of scent gland there as well. I mean, it feels like it would be such a smelly hole anyway that you almost don't even need the scent gland. But why, yeah, is it going to end up being like a teenage boy who's trying to put a bit of, you know, links Africa over the top? That's right. But really, you're not covering anything. You're just making a more potent mix.

That's right. You probably just got to stick it in the dirt if you don't want somebody to smell it. You know, just while you're talking to somebody. The teenage boy? Stick him in the dirt? I just meant your dirty cloaca. Okay. You want to just stick it in the dirt.

Maybe that'll mask any smell coming from it for a bit. Is that not what you do with your armpits or whatever? I'll just bury myself up to my neck and then nobody will go to smell my body. Problem solved. I was just sitting here. I was just a debate all the time. Hey, we're having fun. Some animals can actually breathe through their cloaca.

No. Yeah. This is an extension of an ability called cutaneous respiration in which the skin can be used to absorb oxygen and release carbon dioxide, just like the surface of the lungs. Lung are more efficient and they're designed to. maximize airflow and blood oxygen transfer, but some species, like in some turtles, use it as an important source of respiration. So they have specialized air bladders connected to their cloacas, and this allows them to take an air through the cloaca, stored in these air bladders, and use it as a source of oxygen while diving underwater. Oh, that's awesome. So like a backup tank?

Backup tank. That's so great. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. You went, didn't you go diving recently? Free diving? No. No. Cost got it. It was quite expensive. Prison diving. I went prison diving.

I can't go into it. No, I went snorkeling. And even that, deeply stressful. Yeah, yeah. So just having a backup tank of oxygen? Absolutely. In the butt. In the butt.

Like that and it just gets automatically absorbed as soon as you need some. That's good start. I imagine, especially if you could like give, not anyone's butt, but my butt, you know, a bit more shape. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, you just pump it up as much as you need. That's right. Fill it up with some air.

Give it that nice round. You know, because some pants, just, you know, don't look so good. Pump up the butt. I'm not a bit. Go to the service session, 30 PSI. Like the old Reebok pumps, you know? I don't know why, but I'm hearing the song. Pump up the butt.

Pump it up. They, so you see, it's like, it's a beautiful organ. Healer monsters, doves, and possibly, other animals can use their cloacas to cool their bodies. Love that, but what the hell is a G-L-A monster? Yeah, what's a G-L-Monstra? Healer monster. Like a blue-healer dog?

It's spelled... It's gone wrong. It's... Frankenstein's Blue Healer. It's spelt G-I-L-A. And one of, I believe, a do-go-on listener, actually corrected my pronunciation, because I was saying G-L-A-Mondster,

and they went, hila. Like that. Yeah, I don't know how you got G-G-I-L-A. Yeah. And the Gila monster is a species of venomous lizard native to southwestern United States and the northwestern Mexican state of Sonora. If you were wondering. And so they live in very hot temperatures. And scientists first notice this because the Gila monster, a desert lizard, can actually inflate its cloaca and cool its body through cloacal evaporation. Now evaporative cooling You wouldn't know anything about that You were more of an air conditioning guy

No no we did it We did a vap as well I loved I loved a vap I was all about the evap See I didn't know that I thought you were HVAC No no HVAC and AVAP

Okay We did Yeah we did it We did all sorts of stuff On a floor hitting But I think HVAC Doesn't that not include I don't know

I really took a gamble there To make some wordplay What is HV What is it again Heating And What was the thing HVAC

HVAC. Ventilation. Ventilation. Air conditioning. Air conditioning. Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe. But I think evaporative is technically still conditioning.

Yeah. Conditioning and probably ventilation. Ventilation, of course, that's like cloaculation. Yes. Cloacolation. Man, I wish I had this knowledge back when I was in the game. Yeah. Think of this system as a cloaca for your house.

It's awesome. I made another sale. God, he's good. Oh, he's good. Go and ring the bell. Ding, ding, ding, Ming. I wish I was that kind of... Oh, that'd be awesome.

Actually, I'd darn it at all, but that would be pretty funny. That's funny. We can put a bell in our office if you want. Can we put a bell in the office? We can do anything we wanted our office. Yeah, that'd be cool. Like, oh, just finished another podcast report. Bing, ding, ding!

Because I'm thinking about cool on my festival show, ding. Yeah. Maybe I should have a bell on stage. Yes, 100%. Every time. Every time you get a punchline. Every time we get a laugh. Yeah, yeah, ring the bell.

One of those bells on a stick? Like that's what you can really Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Tancrya

Like that Yeah I think that'd be really good And then have a butler Who comes up and goes So Yeah, have a burr Oh my god

That You rang me lord Me lord Be out Do you want to play the butler? I mean I want to play Yeah, I want to play the butler

I mean sorry I just I got, I got confused in what you meant there I thought I was picturing making out

with your butler And I don't know I know that's not playing the butler I mean, that feels like it's like he's a musical instrument. You were so ready to access that. You made whatever words I said fit. No, I know, for a while there, you were playing the butler,

but now you're ready to settle down. Yeah, I was playing the butler. I'm also picturing, like, I'm sitting down, I'm holding the butler like a sitar like this, and I'm like, I'm squeezing different bits, and he's going, oh, oh, oh, so. More wine, like that. And you just go, you know.

It's the, um... I like the idea, back to the Klaika. Yeah. I'm being able to cool yourself down. The Kloika is becoming more and more appealing to me. Well, that's what I think. Because I... When I'm too hot,

yeah. Oh my God, I'm a nightmare. I just shut down. I'm so grumpy. I'm like a little child. Do you know how many times in summer my partner has to say, why don't you go have a cold shower? Hey?

Why don't you want to go cool down? And I'm like, I don't want it! And then I go and I come out nice again. So a Kloaka. I mean, imagine if you could just puff out your genitals. Yes. You just let, and then you have the wet bits, the particularly wet bits out, like that.

So I'm picturing uncircised guys pulling their foreskin back. I'm picturing women sort of really pushing, like sort of, I guess, hemorrhaging, pushing some of them. Hemorrhaging. I guess, like somehow pushing in bits out like that. And then having a breeze pass over it and you go, oh, actually, that actually is really refreshing. Because I think that's what a lot of cooling is.

It's just wind picking up wetness. and then absorbing, absorbing, like, energy in that process. Don't the ball, I know you'll probably next year do an episode about balls, but is it, there's some of the balls will, they've got some heating and cooling stuff inbuilt, right?

They'll, when it's hot, they'll get bigger and drop down. Yeah, I think, I'm talking like I've never seen balls before. Yeah, you got, you panicked there because nobody immediately went,

yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like, this is only happening? You know, when your balls are. Yeah, it gets hot, your balls get really big. And it shrinks down in the cold. No, man, that doesn't happen to anybody. Yeah, yeah. Do you have balls?

How are I? What are they? What fuck is that? Your balls get smaller in the cold? That's weird. I don't know if they get bigger, but I think that they are dropped from your body because their ideal temperature is not the whatever your human body is.

So the shrinkage thing. shrinkage. I think that's more, I think the yeah, but they do, they do do that thing where the skin kind of tightens up. Yeah, yeah. And it almost looks a bit more fur coaty or something like that. For me, you know how hairy I am. And is, does this also, I don't know why I'm treating you like

you're a general expert now, but is it also true that when there's, when you're feeling like anxiety or fear that there'll also be shrinkage? Because I, I swear, like, I don't think I've, I've told anyone about this before but before I I was so nervous

one time about it was the raw comedy final and you know it was the biggest gig I'd ever done I was like my 10th gig and I was in front of thousands of people and it was gonna be on TV and stuff The real final was my seventh gig

just saying You got there a little quick getting you I always do I always pip ya Sorry who won their competition Who's fucking sorry to you on? Hey don't talk to my bestie lot that I like to keep everyone even and low.

But I went to have a piss just before and it basically was not there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like there was, it just wasn't there. I never, I was freaking, I didn't need that. But I just like, my cock and balls disappeared.

Both. Like, everything gone. It was, it was. But the balls were gone as well. Well, from that, I mean, It's a bit of a blur, but I just remember being like, how am I meant to piss without my balls? My cock and balls are gone.

Did you tell anyone? For people that don't know, did you tell anyone? They've also got to... I've got to... Can I go on later? I need to go to the doctor. They also have a documentary crew there for SBS

or ABC Herver was filming that year. They interview you before the gig and say, how are you feeling? Did you mention that? No, I didn't tell. I don't think of it. told anyone until now. No, yeah.

How did you go on and do well? Yeah. Could you concentrate on anything? It turns out that actually Matt's cock and balls have been, we're holding him back before him. Big drag. They were getting in the way. Yeah, that's right.

That's why he won. I've never done a good gig since. Yeah, I don't, I don't have official, like, I mean, obviously I have a big part of the report dedicated to your cock and balls. Yeah. But, I mean, I would just say, I would just say. I would just say in my experience, mixtures of stress or anything where blood flow is kind of required elsewhere.

Like, you know, in the past I would have done maybe a certain type of medication at a rave. Medication. That apparently, you know, redirects your blood flow to other places. And that also basically happens where you're like, Oh my God, I can't. I remember at one point I couldn't piss. I knew I was about to get on a bus the day after. And there was still stuff in my system medication.

And I could not piss before going on a three-hour bus ride. And I was like, I just need to just give me a moment to just control it so that I can let the piss out. And yeah, anyway. Did you get to piss? Or did you have to hold it? I think I did eventually, like after standing there for like 10 minutes. being like, because it almost feels like magic anyway. So you're like, how am I making this piss?

It almost feels like I'm just going, go. But it's like it almost doesn't feel like you go, how am I controlling this? This feels like I'm not really releasing anything. I'm almost kind of just willing it. And so when it doesn't work, you go, this makes sense that it's not working. Because it always felt like it shouldn't work.

Yeah. Because you're not turning anything on or off really. Yeah. It's like when you're in the, you're swimming at the beach and you're like, I'm going to piss while I'm in the ocean. Yeah. But because we're so conditioned to only going in toilets. Yeah.

You have to really think about it or sinks. You have to really think about it and sort of be like, okay, all right. And go, you know, you got to think about it way more. Yeah, for me, it's like I can only go and, I can only, well, I can piss in one ocean, but then I have to go spit in a different ocean. So like the Atlantic, and then if I need to poop, then I have to go to like the Indian Ocean. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like at the Antarctic.

It's going to be a big day. It's a big day. So that's why I stick to sinks. Well, remind me never to go snorkeling with either of you. Yeah. Okay, I will remind you. I'm all in my gear and you're like, oh, by the way,

I'll be pissing out there. I'm going to be pissing out there. I'll take it off and I guess I'll just ruin my holiday. So this is just back to using cloacas for cooling. Scientists wondered if birds could do the same thing, right? So they decided to test it by measuring heat loss on these particular birds that

live in high temperatures. And sure enough, they found that these doves appear to secrete more moisture through their cloacas under very high temperature conditions and were able to achieve heat loss this way. However, it appears that not all birds can do this, such as the Eurasian quail when tested.

It didn't see the same effect because the bird just went under heat stress and then it just panicked. And then they were like, oh, I guess we've got to stop this. So not every... The bird's panicked, then the scientist panicked. Yeah, it was like, well, I don't want to kill a bird. I mean, I don't know if scientists actually feel like that. They're like, I can't wait to kill a bird.

Let's be honest. It's such a strange thing to dedicate your life to, isn't it? Killing birds. Oh, man. We're just watching, and will the cloaca cool it down? All right, here we go. And the thing is, when they were testing this other bird, like, when I was reading how they did it, there was this whole bit where they were like, okay, we put it, like, how do you measure sweat being emitted from different bits? And they're like, oh, we put it in a box, and then it's got like its head through one bit.

And we put a thing around to separate the room. But then they're like, and then this bit made me really sad, but then it gets better, right? Then they go, and then they glued up the cloaca. And then I was like, oh, like that. Like that, because they wanted to be able to measure what. comes out of the skin and what comes out of the things like that. But then they said, and then they took off the glue or whatever, they unclogged it. Do I have to call the fire brigade?

They always have to do that. I think they just end up getting a fire warden on the site. I remember as a kid in like art class having PVC glue and just like put it on and then being able to peel it off. So maybe it was a gift to that bird getting a peel off. It was one of the one of the few great joys in life. Because I mean, it's actually hard to find a joy as good as peeling off all that fake skin from a glue on your hand. Is that a universal experience? Yeah, it seems like.

Like when you've got a really good long bit. Yeah. And then I love that. And you can see all your lines and folds on the inside. You go, oh my God. It's so cool. It's almost like you're recreating yourself. That's living.

Yeah. Creating bizarro you. Can we get some glue in our eyes? Anyway, but then. Anyway, so it doesn't matter. All right. So I'm going to move on to birds, right? Because there's something that I hadn't realized when I first started when I said out.

You hear my stomach. What's that? Your clock. I can't call you, Dan. My clock is going off. And I was so loud. I stopped panicking. Is that me?

Yeah, yeah. Is that? Am I farting? If the mic didn't pick it up, all right, crad. Thank you. Oh. Like that. That's how I communicate with whales. What number sound is that one, L's stomach?

Oh, how many sounds do I do? Noises? Thousand. Thousand. Yeah, that's number 9.42. Wow. So let me take you to birds, right? Because birds are probably the ones the cloacas that I've studied the most throughout this,

in the writing of this report. How many of you glued up? I'm constantly gluing and ungluing them, trying to get allowed them to go through this beautiful experience. Because you talk about cloacca's a lot on. on your podcast, two and the thing tank, a podcast where you and your friend, Annie Matthews, write five sketch ideas. That's right.

You come up with them in the hour away, how long it takes. On that show, you bring up clackers a lot. Yeah. Is this research you've done going to help you? Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, because I didn't know how versatile they were. I didn't know about the, you know, I didn't know about cooling. I didn't know about the breathing, right?

Oh, maybe I'd heard about the turtles a little bit who breathed, but I only heard about one type of turtle that I didn't know was a thing maybe a little bit more creatures can do. But what I didn't know, right? And this is what I learned from birds, right? And is that a lot of cloacas have like a penis inside. Whoa. Like they were about to do a raw comedy final?

Yeah. A lot of them are nervous in a state of about to perform. Right? And so and then so then when I got to birds, it turns out that like there's almost 10,000 species of birds, but only around 3% of them have a penis. right and so these include ducks, geese, swans, and large flightless birds like ostriches and ewees. They have peens. Right.

Right. But they have this weird peens. Now, if you've ever heard of a duck penis, they, people talk about them being kind of curly. Yes, yeah. They kind of like curl up. Corkscrew. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're weird looking.

But there's this kind of, there's just this insaneness, right, about them is that they actually inflate unbelievably quickly, right? So, um, I've got... Wow, they, so they go from, uh, you know, six to midnight, straight away. Sixth, they go from zero to midnight. Like, I mean, they are packed like a parachute inside the cloaca. Whoa. And then they come, like they, they fill out, they fill up, like a, you know, like a, like a clown's, like balloon, like, like that, but it's like being filled with fluid, right? Whoa. So here, there's a team that reports, uh, in, I love the, you went,

what does zero to midnight mean? Dave said six to midnight, like on a clock from pointing down and pointing up and he said, no, from zero to midnight. Holy crap.

I thought you were talking, I thought you were talking about like from half mast to full mast, you know, half a mongrel to a full stag. Well, this is gone

from a raw comedy final to midnight. An absolute, like, flagpole. Yeah. To holy shit call a doctor. Yeah, yeah.

It's hurting down there. Sorry, yeah. Six to midnight does make a lot of sense. But actually, they don't even dangle down like that, you know, because they're all packed away. Oh, wow. They're packed away inside this. But they're just going to fly like fire out. Well, yeah.

And so, I mean, I've seen footage of it now, right? But it says, and so, and theirs is not even called becoming, like, becoming erect. It's called aversion, right? Now, the aversion of the Moscovy duck penis to a length of up to 20 centimeters. Took a grand total That sounds about right Yeah It's that all

Yeah Took a grand total of 0.3 seconds Whoa Zero point three Zero point three seconds in air And 0.5 to 0.8 seconds In the female mimicking glass tubes

Right And so they tried to make glass tubes That mimicked the Glass tubes Yeah well because the ducks So they could see The duck vagina The duck inside

The duck vagina Clowacket you think Very hard Is it like glass? Well it's also spirally. So it's like this weird like sperm competition

like kind of evolution thing where they evolve defenses essentially to be able to try to control males because there's a lot of forceful impregnating stuff in the duck community. And so there's this kind of like you know war of you know like it's a what's an arms

an arms race you know and so they're you know they change the shape of their tubes so that the duck can't quite get in there as much and things like that. And then ejaculation always happens at the moment of maximum aversion. So as soon as it inflates, starts squirting out. Whoa. So if you don't land the perfect thrust, you could be just splurgeon. Absolutely.

Into the air. Into the aether. You know, some. Averging into the ether. If you're doing it sort of like, you know, mid-migration, somewhere between like Florida and, you know, like a Brazilian. or something like that and you're just like

squirting over the Now getting shadow by a bird is good luck What happens if you get a get a duck splooge from above? Asking for a friend

Yeah I think if you can If you can make it land On your broken mirror It reverses that Wow It reverses that It's how good luck

Also works as a beautiful adhesive Yeah Pieces the mirror back together Like that That's beautiful Put on your hand Peel it off

Bit by bit So that's satisfying I don't know why that was too much I was like, oh, come on. That's gross. That's gross. The duck's bludging into the ether.

That's fine. That's fine. Mid-air, onto a person. Yeah, landing all over. Because I was kind of interested in then why do most other, because a lot of other animals have cloacas and penises inside. Right. And so then I was like, well, why do most birds not have penises? right and so we don't we don't know exactly but so firstly remember I don't know if you

when they were comparing the embryos of pekin ducks not peaking ducks the roasted duck that you would get at a beautiful restaurant but pekin ducks are just those white ducks that you picture when you think of a when you your first thought of a duck other than those brown ones so you're white classic duck classic duck orange beak that's a pekin duck like sprinkle that one I follow on Instagram yeah You follow a famous duck? Yeah, from New York City. Yeah.

That'd be a... Get on it. It's a great dog. Donald would be a pekin. Okay, that's the second most famous example. Yeah, yeah. The Sprinkle is number one. Sprinkle?

No, it's Rinkle. So it's Rinkle. I think Sprinkles's the name of Brendan Fraser's horse. Yeah. Is that right? Oh, maybe. I don't know. That's my favorite horse.

And this is my favorite duck. Have you seen that horse? Frickin' out's a great horse. I'm looking up wrinkles first. Oh, I didn't see a favorite some point. But horses don't have cloackers. No. They do have an inside penis.

this though. I don't know if you've ever seen one drop. No, yeah. I haven't... Yeah, as a kid, I was near this horse and it gave me a big fright. Yeah, right. When it just sort of like, it just, it just goes funk. Whoa, that is a great duck. Look at this freaking duck. Yeah. That's like a cartoon of a duck. Yeah. They use those sort of ducks in advertising. Oh, you have to. Remember the old Brivus ducted heating ads?

Yes. With their little kids describing little ducks in the floor that blar pot air and then it's like, like that kind of duck. Yep. And I animated to be. So they were saying the heat came from like duck breath. Like the kid, yeah,

because the kid didn't understand ducts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he thought, like ducks. It was very cute, very successful campaign. Yeah,

I believe. For Brivis. I don't want to speak for Breivus, but. Fun fact, Brivis is, the founders, names were Davis and O'Brien

or something. They just mush the names together. Fun fact. What would we call our business? Perkwart? Perkwart. That's nice.

Stukens is probably better. Stukens is cute! One of those is like hideous. What you made? Perkwart. Perkwart. It's like, yeah, you've got the... It's sort of like the Arnold Schwarzenegger Danny DeVito scenario.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Perkwart is the Schwarzenegger. Right. And the other one is adorable. Stchikin. No, Stude Kinniki? What's your last name? Kinneki

Woniki Waniki Winnequin Kinneke So I just had Studeau Dives Kinnaki

Shuniki Hey That's pretty good Stuniki Yeah then Where am I in that Kin Oh fuck yeah

Stuniki Stuniki Now you're not in there I'm not in there Just Stunicky That sounds like Yeah

Al's poster guy's This doesn't make sense And just deleted You also Just give a little Don't worry about it So I didn't know Chickens have a tiny

little bit of a penis But they don't really have much, right? So somebody was trying to figure out why some have penises and some don't, right? And so they looked inside, right? And because, you know, it turns out that, like, genitals always start the same way inside, and there, you have a cloacal. Well, they have cloacets inside, right? And then something will happen. And I don't know if you remember from the lit for clit episode, I would have talked about genital tubercles, which is just like the nub before

decides which sex it's going to be, and then it turns into whichever one. And so that tubercle gradually gets bigger over the first few weeks, right? But then they've discovered that there's this, why do ducks get this big, long, coiled penis and chickens? It stops around day nine. So they found that there's this, with the chicken, it starts developing as a full-blown penis, but then at a certain point, all the cells around it start committing mass suicide. Right? So there's just this programmed cell death, just dick death, essentially, occurs. That's what happened, though. That's a real final.

We're not doing comedy with this guy. And it helps carve away the unwanted body part. Like the dick. Yeah, so, wait, wait. So it says here, for example... Matt still doesn't have a dick. Yeah. It's unnecessary. For example, our hands have fingers because the cells between them die when we're embryos.

And so for the chickens, this means no penis. And it was surprising to learn that that outgrowth fails because due to the absence of a critical growth factor, but due to presence of cell death factor. That means nothing to nobody. So does that, so like people with web feet didn't have the cell death in between their fingers or toes. Yeah. And that like, bats have used, have like, have not had the cell death. And so they get this big webbed area between as wings and stuff like that. So there's this, there's this protein called BMP4 that they found. And it's produced all along the chickens to burgle. And, and less on the ducks. And when you,

If you soak up that protein, then the tubercle cells stop dying and carry on growing. So it's entirely possible for the chicken to grow a penis. And have they done that? They have done it with like mice and they get rid of the proteins. They keep the BMP in check and it leads to tiny penises. Or conversely they get rid of the BMP proteins and it leads to a grossly enlarged and like almost tumor-like penis. On a mass. It's just dragging it around.

Oh, my God. A big old honker? Is that we just a nose? The honk is a boob probably. A nose, I think. Oh, yeah. We'll say it would be like a human nose-sized dick. Whoa.

I don't know. And then they can't get through that classic little hole in the wall. There's the little doors that, you know, Tom from, no, so Jerry from Tom and Jerry gets through because he's whang so big, you can't get through the door. The little holes like that, yeah. They can just get their dick in. Like that. And everyone inside's like, oh my God.

And so, yeah, it turns out that, like, I think that these be. There comes a mouse glory hole. There's a dog, a mouse on the other side going, all right, I'll get it. All right. I'll get the heat. Check out that honker. And I think apparently that maybe, no, that's a boob.

A hunker? Oh, yeah, honker's so. Oh, no, that's a boob. Honker's probably a boob. Yeah, or any part of the butler that you're playing. Ha, ha, More so Oh, one

It makes him sound Like a French butler when you play him Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, you know They're all a bit fancy like that French is kind of like the French version of the English I don't know what I was talking about French is kind of the French version of the English

Yeah, you know what I mean? Like those things totally I know, I get it, yeah Poshness and shit like that Butler's are the French version of the English Is this going badly? Sorry, no, you're just losing your mind. Going perfectly at a plan.

And I think that maybe also like these BMPs, like this kind of protein, are the ones that like put a hole in like your, like make your urethra and stuff like that. From what I can tell, it's almost like a guiding thing that's like, all right, if we're here, then you just start, cells start dying.

It tells the cells around it to start dying. And then you can like, that's how you would carve the body. It's like the foreman, getting everybody to follow the blueprints. Yeah. How cool is that? Yeah, it's really cool.

Oh. Yeah, I think it's just weird that you're like, at some point you're like, all right, we need to do some tunneling through this bit. You know, bring out these guys and they're just like, all right, everybody in front of us die! Like that, and everybody dies and you're like, all right, here we go, move them out of the way, move out, move out. Like a Michael Angelou with the chisel, just banging away of that marble,

being like, I'm going to turn this bit into a foot. That's right. And then he's like, all right, now I'm going to do David's urethritory. He'll be very careful with that one. That's right, yeah, and he's just got to go all the, like, did you think he did the urethriether? All the way through. I think that David meant to have a massive wang

but Michelangelo chipped a little too much And he had to be like, actually, that was on purpose That's right, we don't. He was very scared. Was, um, do you think that the scientists will ever be able to figure out How to mimic this technology for like, uh, building and stuff? So they'd just go, all right, we use BMPs and we're just going to make a new building here.

I guess if you made a building out of cells that you could definitely do that. So you know, like lab grown meat. If you just big, they'd a big, a big, a big huge slab. have a meat like that, right? Have we just taken science too far? And then you get BMPs in there and you go, I need a window here, a window there, you need a little air. Like that.

That'll be like a very thin pastrami or something. Yeah, that's right. Like something you can see through, like a beautiful, like, a beautiful, what's that thin, a beautiful pink hue looking through like a. Prachetta. Pracheta. Is that French?

Pursuita. And so then the question is like, why? Why are penisless birds an advantage? Right? Now, I heard somebody say, like, somebody was like, one theory was like, well, maybe actually penises would be a huge disadvantage when you're, like, flying long distance and things like that. Yeah, drag or whatever. Yeah, penises aren't very aerodynamic.

Yeah, unless they're on your face. But then the ducks are like, they're like the longest flying. They're some of the longest migrating birds of all. But I guess they do keep it tucked away. Yeah, they're not flying at midnight. Yeah. That's like an aeroplane keeps the wheels tucked up until they land. Exactly, yeah.

Like, keep their dick tucked up until they land. Exactly. Don't be ready to land. And they're not flying at midnight. They're flying six till midnight. Yeah. You know what I mean? Oh, sorry, I just got that.

It's a long hole slot. So then it says here, maybe a penisless bird finds it easier to fly, runs a smaller risk of passing on sexually transmitted infections. Or is better at avoiding predators because he mates more quickly. Because some of these birds, man, it happens fast. Like, I mean, I watched one. footage of like, oh yeah, I haven't told you about, because this is coming up next is bird sex. Have you been watching a lot of bird sex videos for this? I've been watching dicks inflate. I've been watching some bird sex.

Do you have a video of the dick inflating? I feel like we probably need to see this. Yeah, you're okay. Well, I can... And I'd much prefer to do it on your computer than mine. Sure, sure, sure. Oh, yep, there's a crock dick. Well, why, why are you loading that up? Is the reason that an ostrich doesn't fly because of their massive dicks? You're saying they're more likely to be able to fly, better. A lot of the birds with dicks are flightless. Is that, is that, they're a correlation there. Oh, yeah. I imagine an ostrich would have a huge wang. Yeah. I haven't seen the ostrich wang yet, but the, oh, you simply must. I imagine the cassowary would have a hefty, a hefty,

yeah, a hefty member. But they're all legs and neck. That's true. You know those owls with really thick looking legs or like eagles and stuff? They're gonna be. Yeah, they're packing. Oh, they're thick. Yeah, I reckon you're right. Like an ostrich, just all tiny little pin legs and a long neck. It's all feather.

Oh, right. I don't think they're that big. Aren't they? There you go. And the emu? Same thing. Sort of Australia's answer to the ostrich in a lot of ways. Same thing I would say.

Yeah. Okay, I have a duck dick inflating here. Hang on. Wait, what, okay. I don't know what we're looking at you'll see. So look, we're, sorry, we're looking at the underside of a duck here. It doesn't look a lot like the underside of a duck, but wait until you see this dick come out.

This is going to be a slow motion just so that you can capture it all. Okay, here it comes. There it's. So someone's standing by with a plastic 30 centimeter ruler. Oh, whoa. Oh, oh my God. It's kind of a hook end. Sploch, splooch.

So it's popped out like a tentacle slash sea horse. Yeah. And it's not as, it's not. It's not like a perfectly symmetrical screw either. That was flipping and flopping. Yeah. Well, you've got to think that it's finding its way through an unknown tunnel. Life finds its way.

Yeah. So it can't be, you know, structurally set in its ways. It would only fit one. That's right. It has to find one perfect mate. Perfect man. Yeah. Oh, that's beautiful.

That is great. It's old mate. There's only one out there. It's got to keep banging until it finds it. finds it. That's beautiful. That's beautiful. Dave, that's really touching.

That's so nice. Thank you. That's life, hey. Yeah. You know what I mean? Just keep banging away. Yeah. Until you find them.

So you find them. Or die. Or die. The, before I go on, the one, the last argument for why birds might be penisless is because females get more choice of what comes in if there's no sort of inward penetration. Right. So, and they can kind of, because I think they kind of have to like puff out their cloac or something. I have to be like, I receive what I want. Yeah, okay.

You know, and so it gives, it kind of, that's why I think that the cloaca is a feminist organ, you know, is a feminist orifice. I think of myself as a feminist organ. It's a thermorphous. And I, yeah, that's why I think I agree with the cloaca. I think we should all have them. Now, how do you think that two creatures, this? have cloacos have sex? Like kiss?

Yeah. That is actually what it's called. Yeah. It's called a cloacal kiss. There you go. Wow. I just put them together. They just put them together.

And sometimes it happens within a second or two, right? So they've got to be like ready to do. Yeah. That's after hours of foreplay, right? Yes. Yeah, yeah. Just like, you can, again, again, again. Like I'm nearby and then one, like, you know, like the fairy ren will like lift its tail

for like, is this a half second? And the male goes, oh. Does the fairer end sort of back up to each other, do they? Well, the female will just like put her tail up. Yeah. And then the male will just come up and then just like, basically they'll touch like that. And then it's over. So in that time, imagine how much is happening.

Imagine how much is just like. Yeah. Like I imagine if you were up really close. Yeah. And then you just go about your day. And then, yeah. Keep doing the dishes. Exactly.

You probably haven't even stopped. I just finish reading the paper. Pick up your groceries or your dry cleaning or something. It's just the, you know, the kiss. None of this. Hours and hours. After a day, work, you know, that old school, you know, the husband and wife have a kiss at the end of the day.

That's stereotypical thing. Yeah. In this case, that is creating life. Absolutely. It's fertilizing some eggs in there. That's beautiful. Anything that's beautiful. Oh, it's so beautiful.

And you know what I found is quite interesting is that in some birds, the accumulation of sperm in the sperm reserves causes the cloaca to become enlarged, forming the cloacal protrubans, right? No, it's like blue balls in the cloaca. So, like, the cloaca actually starts to kind of like push outwards and get like fuller and fuller. And they think that the size of the cloacal protrubans reflects the number of sperm stored in the seminal glomerum, which I think is just this.

I feel like you'll lose the control of your mouth. Yeah. Sempleuklomerum. Glomerum. Petribulents. And then. So, and it. just basically shows the number of sperm available for ejaculation, right? So all else being equal,

the more sperm a male transfers at ejaculation, the greater his likelihood of fertilization. And they think that females that preferentially allow themselves to be inseminated by males with a relatively large cloacal protrubance may gain both direct benefits in terms of sperm numbers and fertility and indirect benefits through their son inheriting a large cloacal protrubance. So basically, sometimes women are, like female birds, are picking, sorry. Sometimes women like blue balls. It's like they're picking a guy based on how big his petriums. That guy's got a lot of sperm.

That's pretty common though in like bird culture isn't what's that? In bird culture. Yeah, yeah. Because there's what's that other kind of bird that collects blue things and that to get a mate? So it's similar to that, right? Blue balls. Blue balls. It was like a bear bird.

Bower bird collects blue things to attract and mate. These birds call like blue balls. This one feels like it's more like you go like with with this guy. It's more likely to be like over and done with one kiss and I'll just be pregnant. And now I don't have to deal with any more of this kind of stuff anymore. Okay, you can stop now. Yeah. Okay.

Referencing a bit of a stand up bit of mind. I just like, I spat a little bit so I picked up a tissue to try to catch it from the air. Just want to mop the air. The tissue. But rather than being like, oh, check out this, this shit bird.

This doesn't have any sperm at all. I'll probably, I'd have to have sex with him about nine times for this to work. But this guy over here, he's exploding. And imagine that. And it's just all there,

ready to go. And then you're getting it all out in a couple of seconds. Just like, the bird's like, don't touch me at the wrong time. I couldn't lose this. I'm just holding it in.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa. Whoa. Too much, too much. Up, up, up, up, up, up. Stop, so, stop. Stop. The bird's touching.

The woman birds touching. The man bird on its upper leg. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh. Okay. Show that again.

I hate this. Yeah. Keep your bloody wings to yourself. Now, while I was looking at this, I was like, Hey, can birds have orgasms? Did you Google that exact prize? Hey. Can birds have orgasms?

You'll start with hay. Now, nobody can be sure. There was one guy who was like putting a call out and he was like, all right, nobody's, not many people are studying this. Nobody's studying this. But I am very keen to study this. Yeah. I'm invested. And he's like based off of some, you know, stuff that I've heard from people.

On the top. I think I want to check to see if birds masturbate and if they can have an orgasm. So from this guy, he said that there are some species such as crows. Flapping. Flapping. Flapping instead of fapping. That's very good. Sorry.

I just wanted to explain it for anybody. I didn't quite get it. You see? That's why I was explaining it. That works. I loved it. Yeah. That makes it worse, doesn't it?

Oh, that much worse. Now, there are some species such as crows where they can't find any evidence of masturbating at all. Right? But there are others like parakeets where it seems like it's really common. Right? Like some people are reporting. Imagine so there's two people that like, you know, pitching for a PhD, a couple of guys known each other for you.

Big rivalry. All right, we'll divvy it up. Matt, you do the parakeets. I'll do the crows. Yeah. How jealous I would be when your bird starts wanking and mine doesn't. I'm watching it for weeks, months. And the parakeets can talk as well, right?

Are they the talking ones? You're getting nothing. Yeah. So they're both talking to you and flapping. They're flapping. Like flapping. Yeah. They're just going like, uh, cocky, it's a pretty.

And there's like footage of a guy on the same thing. Like a guy with a bird on his foot. And it's like just rubbing itself off on his on his toe. Yeah, foot fetish. Just kind of going like this like up and down like that. And the guy's like I think. And then there's a bit at the end where it kind of like bring gets its wings out. And then kind of like his beak kind of like open and closes a little bit.

And they're like, we think that that could be an organics. Right. And so there's a lot of that because you can't know whether any other creature really does. have orgasms. They think in primates, like in the 70s and 80s, you could kind of get funding to, like, study stuff like this where they'd be like, they did test stuff out where they would basically stimulate a chimp.

And there would be some who would then willingly allow it to continue, and then they could get to that point, and they think that they've seen chimps orgasm, but you can't know if it's the same thing as a human orgasm or whatever. I did a primates episode last month with Seren, and we found, or he found this article about some researchers have found, I think they were monkeys, might have been apes, but they found these ones that were using stone tools as dildos, basically.

Wow. Yeah. That's very exciting and rough. Yeah, yeah, stone. Yes. Well, I don't know dildos, but sex toys. Yeah, yeah. That were using them to rub on.

But yeah, you'd want them to be, yeah, it feels like not the right. material oh totally yeah yeah i mean there's and and in the in the birds i should say to which there aren't yeah not to yuck anybody yeah not certainly no i mean i you know i

you know i'd use one of those old stone tools if there was nothing else so they're in the stone age quite nice so that's a long way off from the silicon age yeah that's right yeah yeah but you know there'd be cucumbers and stuff like that the cucumber age yeah no you'd probably find a yam or something like that if you would just creative enough. They're a little while away from the Fleshlight age. Absolutely, yeah.

That's peak age. Yeah, but you could probably just get a handful of leaves or something like that. It'd be better than a rock, maybe. A handful of leaves. I don't know. I'm just thinking, you know, you're a gorilla. You know, what's at hand? Leaves, you know?

Your hand, yeah, yeah, yeah. Your hand, I mean, you know, but you're already sitting there. you're probably using them to wipe your ass anyway. That's so true. Do gorillas wipe their ass? I was trying to make that up on the fly. So they found that like some things like parrots in captivity do get attached to particular things that they like to masturbate with, allegedly.

And maybe a favorite toy or part of the cage that they get really upset if it gets taken away. And sometimes they use their owner's feet or head. But then somebody's got a theory here that says it's also possible that birds may masturbate for different reasons than pleasure. There are reports of male birds. sitting next to females and then starting masturbating, which might be part of a courtship display. Possibly some sort of, if I'm

this good at sex on my own, imagine how great I'd be with you. Wow. Which that logic doesn't make sense to me, but you know. Because you're looking at it through a human lens where that's harassment. Yeah. Imagine this. I mean, but maybe that's the exact logic.

Imagine this. What are you thinking of us? I mean, maybe you're right. Maybe that is why guys harass women and we're like, I'm just going to go masturbate on a bus. And then many people are like, yeah. He's good at that. Fucking hell. Look at him.

Go with that stone. They're just slightly less evolved. Is that what you're thinking? I'm not criticizing their evolution. Their thinking is not that far from a cockatiels. You're not criticizing the guys masturbating on the bus. I wouldn't dare. I wouldn't dare.

We might all be that person one day. What? You never know. You never know. Never say never. I'm pretty confident. I'm pretty confident. I won't be that guy.

I have a funny feeling. So then there is one bird that they, they are pretty sure does orgasm for sure. And it's the Red Bill Buffalo Weaver, which has a falloid organ that is like a fake dick that they don't put in during sex, but it seems to stimulate the ejaculation. So, but they're one of the few birds that has like sex for a really long time.

like 20 minutes, 30 minutes or something like that. That's a long time. A sloch bloody sting from the police. Yeah, that's tantric bird sex right there. Yeah, and they've just found them kind of like just going for it. And I think they think maybe it's because like these birds, like they have a lot of partners. Like there's like a, there's a bit of polygamy kind of going on or whatever. And they think that maybe that could be like that the long sex is to occupy.

the female's time. So during that time, she's not getting impregnated by anybody else and things like that. Right. So the theory is like, if we're having sex all the time,

no one else can have sex with you. Yeah. Cool. Yeah, that kind of stuff. It's a cool energy. Yeah. But they do reckon that these ones

are the one bird that they feel like they've been able to confirm that does have orgasms. So I don't know. Because afterwards the bird has a little cigarette. Thanks, baby. I think I know what's going on here.

So I don't know what's going on here. know this has gone on for a long time, but feel free to cut out this and many other things. So there's one, I'll do one other clowaca, and then I'll do one other thing, and then I'm basically going to wrap it. Just, I found this interesting about the cloacas of alligators, which by the way, are I think the most beautiful cloacas. Really? If you're going to look at cloaks, because they've got that beautiful, like, underbelly pattern, you know? Yeah. And it also kind of gets really nice as you get closer, because they've just kind of just got a little slit, you know, that goes kind of like the same length of the body.

you know, like it's kind of parallel with the length of the body. And I don't know, there's just like a nice, it looks like a little coin pouch or something like that, you know, it looks beautiful. Anyway, but I just found here that it turns out that a researcher, Diane Kelly, dissected the alligators and was surprised by what she found. She found that the alligators had a seven centimeter long, pasty white phallus under the thing. And when she dissected the tissue, she found that it was filled with a stiff, fibrous material, called collagen. And then she filled the penis with saline fluid, because normally in mammals, turtles and birds, inflating the vascular region of the penis with saline, enlarges it, allowing them to see how the penis becomes erect. But when she did it with the alligator, there was

no change in diameter. And so she realized that the alligator penises are just constantly erect. They just like live under the surface in a constant state of erection. And then she was like trying to see how it popped in and out of the alligator's body. And so she was like, you know, she was dissecting, but she pulled on various tendons and muscles in the cloacal region and just found one set of muscles that caused the penis to just shoot out. And then another set of tendons attaches to the base of the penis like rubber bands, she said. And as soon as those muscles relax, the peanut gets whipped back into its original position.

Whipped. Wow. Like that. So she was just like pulling on little things. Wow. Someone goes, like that, like a trebushet or something like that. It's like a fastest gun in the West sort of thing. Yeah.

I don't even know what's happened. You could, you could have a crocodile in the Magnificent Seven, you know? You know, but that's for like point blank. Anyway. They have other weapons. You know, their jaws are so strong. They're like, you know, got tons of energy or whatever going down, but very weak going up. Yeah.

Yeah. That's how why Steve Irwin was able to just hold their jaws. closed wild yeah so then um i came to the to my final endpoint which is you know uh getting to my dream which was could humans have cloacas right great question i would i would be up for it if they were somewhat customizable like i want the cooling option i'd pay more for that yeah oh absolutely oh yeah i'd have that for sure that's a premium model yeah and i think that that might be a case in the future if we can advance them but it turns out that some people do are born with cloacas. Right, there you go. And so because all human fetuses start off with a cloaca,

but during normal pregnancy, it separates forming the all-important urethra, anus, and the reproductive organs. I think they're ahead. I think they're the first signs of evolution. Well, wait until you read the rest of the rest of this, right? So then one of the reasons the cloaca can't work in humans is because we have a bladder. And so whereas other animals don't, and so in an animal, the cloaca, the ureter empties directly into the cloaca, right? And so there's no bladder. So that common area doesn't have stasis of urine, right? Because we hold urine in our bladder for long periods of time, right? So a typical bladder holds urine in stasis until we're ready to let it out. So it's just sitting there. So this non-moving collection of urine that humans have is a big

deal if a cloac is present. Because in kids with cloacas, the problem is mostly that they get bacteria from like from poop and stuff like that into their bladder and then the urine is static in there and so then that starts causing infections in there which then you also get urine reflux up into like the kidneys so get rid of our bladders kidneys infection yeah yeah i mean it is a huge benefit having bladders because then we can really piss whenever we want we can hold large large amounts of birds they just they need a piss and it just happens i think apparently you can train birds to hold piss in a bit they're Piss and shit is the same, is it?

A lot of the time it's just a mixture of the two. Right. So, yeah, you can, but apparently it's not, it's bad for them. And also, if you're a bird, you want to be getting rid of as much weight as you can all the time. Okay, get rid of our bladder and we wear like absorbent undies, like period undies or diapers. Like old-timey undies. Yeah, old-timey undies. Period undies, yes.

Me undies, the brand that often advertises on podcast. Yep. But apparently this does happen in like one in 50,000 people. Uh, and one in how many? One in 50,000. So it's relatively common. Yeah, relatively common. And so a lot of the time then that means that, you know, in the first few days of life,

kids have to start getting surgery to try and fix it because it does create a lot of, uh, lifelong problems and recurring damage to the kidneys and then needs kidney transplants and things like that. And so if we are one day going to move towards cloacas, these are some of the issues that we're going to have to deal with. I think I just solved a bit of it though. Yeah. I mean, you know,

We could do. Get rid of the bladder. Yeah. I mean, that would be beautiful. Cut it out and put on period undies. Period undies. I mean, couldn't we just put a... You don't even know that. It's just like normal undies.

You know what we could do. We could just have a big, like, you know, like, let's say we made a big fake perineum. Yep. That we just put under our... It goes from the front here, like kind of like undies, but it's made out of silicon, right? And you put it there and it covers your whole butt. Yep. And it covers your genitals.

Yep. And then you just poop and pee into that. Yeah. Right. And then at the bottom of the Pyreneent, just put a little hole. And then whenever you want to get rid of it, you just squirt it out. So you just sit in your own feces and piss. But it's like, well, but it soaks and it's sort of like that.

Oh, it doesn't soak. It just sits there. Okay. And the smell is neutralized? Oh. I don't know. And does it just like splush around in there? Splushes around, things like that.

But you would get to have a urethra that kind of works and you don't get infection. But I do. Not at least of your kidney. Don't I already have one that works? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you did. Yeah.

Yeah. I think she's good there. So what? What is a perineum? Well, I mean, we might have to see that on another episode. I'm not asking me, I know. Really feeling. I just thought maybe they might be listening.

Really feeling that perineum. No. Oh, that was the rhyme. That was going to be a rhyme. Yeah, yeah. Don't put that in the episode. People have suggested before heinous for anus. Hanes for anus.

But I don't think heinous is quite the, like, aren't the words meant to be some version of wanting it. Keen. Yeah, yeah, keen. Even Wacker. Wacker is a bit on the edge, but I think that's still just there. Yeah, I think Wacka's like, I've almost gone, like, I've gone stupid for Kloakas. Yeah, you're like a salesman who's, you know, dropped the process too low.

Yeah. If it's on the floor, it's out the door, I'm wacker for cloaca. Yeah. So, yeah, I think that this one was already pushing it. Right. I mean, so, but, but, what do it, lit? I think it works. Lit.

Yeah, that felt good. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that felt really good. That felt like, you know, I was filled with fire and energy. Other, they're still keen for Vigene, which some have suggested as well. Sure. So there's still, you know, I think the trilogy may become a quadrilogy and, and, and, you know, it's possible.

I don't, yeah, I guess we'll see how, how, uh, how this cloaca is received. I didn't, I did say someone was disappointed that, um, they suggested keen for Vigine and, and were disappointed they didn't get a shout out on the lip of clit episode. I'm like, the clit and the, we need this episode because they didn't realize the clit and the, the virgin and different things. Yeah. So I think you are needed here. Well, now they're getting a call out about their misinformed. They're how misinformed they are.

Do you want to say their name? Ignorant, I dare say. I can't remember that. It was just a tweet or something. We don't want them to be disappointed again. I'm sure I probably replied to them. Well, I think you'll find their, uh, I'm not a scientist, but I am a feminist and I know they're different things. So just in summary,

Cloaccas. Form or against them? Oh, look. They have so little impact on my day-to-day life. So I'm for them. Jeez, that's privilege, isn't it? You don't think they impact your life, but what about all those chickens you eat?

They've got chloikas. I don't eat chicken. Okay. Well, that's the most shocking thing I've went today. I? Oh. So you eat sort of bigger birds. You ate big bird?

Yeah. Big bird. Don't do it, Jess. That was me trying to do big bird, but then it sounded like they were from another country. Don't do it, Jess. Don't eat for me. Rob Schneider is, big bird. That's the count.

Wow. Hi. I don't know what big bird sounds like. I don't know. Oh, hey. I don't know. I can't do it. I have no idea.

Yeah. I can't. Hey, Snuffy. Oh, maybe good. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's pretty good. You are good at this. No, you're just copying Matt.

Well, if Matt got it right. Get your own. I want to be, I want people to be impressed with me with the way that they were impressed with Matt. Do something impressive then. All right. Do do, do, do, do do do do. That is impressive.

That is impressive. It's mostly. the way he can torts his face and body to make those sounds, which is lost on a podcast audience, but a delight for me. Seemingly unnecessarily, too. Well, I'm trying to make it more impressive. That was the theme song from that pirate cartoon from like the 90s or 80s?

I mean, it's a classic song. It's the sailor's hornpipe. Okay. Yeah, that wasn't invented for that. That sounds like a euphemism. Ah, the old sailor songpipe. Alan answered you the question. I'm fully for them

Yeah, you're for them That's great Oh, they're great Yeah, I think Look, I think they really serve their purpose I'm, uh, I'm wacker for cloaca Yeah This is so great

The cloacal kiss Oh, that's nice The only way I want to kiss from that one Yeah I mean, you can You probably can kiss Cloaccas exclusively if you choose to Yeah, that's right

When I see that wren backing it up Come here, baby The tail comes up I'm like They're so small You'd fit the whole bird In your mouth I don't think you've got the kiss

Dextest Have you seen these lips? My goodness. He's the ninja warriors of kissing. Just kiss on climbing up mountains and things like that, finding different animals, pulling them from the sky, catching a bird with chopsticks, kissing them in the colloquia. I don't know, have you seen Ninja Warrior? Climbing things, kissing them. I'm a ninja lover, not a ninja warrior. I'm a UFC lover, not a UFC fighter. This show is writing itself out.

Yeah. I think that's something funny about you doing a bit about how you, you separate all your excretors. Yeah? You need different things of a world. I think that's something in that. All right, well, I'm writing bits here. If you want to come and see my stand-up show, it's going to have that bit.

You've already heard. And you're going to, you'll know where it comes. where it came from, which is nice. It's nice to know the origin story. That's what Marvel's based most of its, you know, a whole universe on. Well, Al, that was an amazing report. You've done it again. Thank you.

I was wondering, can he do it for a third time? And you did it. Did it. Thank you so much. Who would have thought that I could talk about a genital for so long? This is like that movie trilogy where each one was better than the last. Yeah, you think so? Yeah.

Which trilogy was that? Like Terminator 3. Yes. The last one. God, that was a good one. But Al, before you go, where can people find you? You can find me at Alistar TB on Twitter, Al-A-S-D-A-I-R-T-B. You can find me at the Twin-A-T-T-T-Tank podcast, where, of course, the Kloaka is the official orifice.

I just did a search before. I thought there would be episode titles called Cloaca, but there aren't any. There's not. Well, I mean, but I want you to know that we're going to pepper cloacas all the way through. If you're a cloaca lover like myself. But when this, by the time this episode comes out, can you put together a list of, do you have the notes? You'd have a, like a searchable doc, and you could just give us a list of all the cloaca relative. Yeah, I'll try to do that.

Related episodes. I'll see if I can do that. That's basically all of them, though, isn't it? Every episode we try to mention the cloaca's at least once or, you know, whether or not. And from now on in a more educated way. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. These days, it's like you're going to see such high art come out of our cloaca stuff.

I'm going to be talking about different genitals poking out of the cloaca. Something I didn't know could happen. Yeah. I mean, you're about to have your minds revolutionized by my mouth. And people can also look forward to your Melbourne International Comedy Festival show. My name is Alastair Trumblo Virgil. How do you do? It's good to see you here.

By the way, I'm not Alistair. That's right. Yeah, it's basically that. Alistair Trombly Virtual in Alistair Trombly Virtual. No relation. See you there in about five months time. Thank you very much for everything. And I hope that your lives go well.

Al, we'll see you again We're friends You have to leave this room Best friends Well We're friends No friends I said friends

And that'll do Well that brings this to everyone's favourite section of the show Where we get to spend a little time thanking our fantastic Patreon supporters If you want to get involved Go to patreon.com Toad

And the first thing we like to do Is the fact quote or question section which has a little jingle. Go somewhere like this. Fact quote or question. He always remembers the ding. She always remembers the jingle. And if you get involved on the Sydney-Sharmberg level or above,

you get to give us a fact quote or a question or a brag or suggestion or a recipe or whatever you like, really. You also get to give yourself a title. I'll read four out each week. I read them for the first time as I read them on the show. Here we go. The first one comes from Nick Brennan, aka your friendly, Pepsi man. Cool.

I'm more of a Coke Zero kind of girl. Oh, there you go. I'm more of a Kirk Spacito kind of guy. Okay, that's not a cola at all. Yeah, I don't know that cola. But I like... I'd be an RC cola man. I, yeah, I'm not a cola guy either.

And the question comes from Nick. Although I used to drink Pepsi with Jim Beam when I used to drink that way. All right, so... Badly. Yeah, awful. When I used to drink badly. Uh-huh. All right.

Nick Brennan has a question, which is, hey, guys, it's been a while since I've been able to get back on here, but I have a question for you. What is one thing you did as a kid that you never told your parents about? It goes on to answer his own question, which we always encourage here at the fact quote of question section. Shall I read on while you're thinking? Mine would be that I once rode my bike to my friend's house while my mum was asleep. sleeping. She worked third shift and played WWF on N64. That's Nintendo 64, I believe. Whoa. On my way home from my friend's house, I was crossing a street and a car pulled up and stopped, but I didn't get stopped in time. This resulted in me hitting the car with my bike,

flipping over the hood and hitting the windshield and landing on the other side of the car. I wonder if this was a glass windshield or a leather one. I was able, it doesn't say the time line but Nintendo 64 is quite a while ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can't remember which came first glass windscreen technology or the 64. I was able to get up immediately and told the driver I was just fine and road slash walked my bike back home two miles. I then parked my bike on the garage, I guess in the garage and laid down on my bed incredibly

saw my mum, unless it's on the garage, I keep parked on the roof. Yeah, probably. Or it could even just be a terminology thing where Nick's from. Because, you know, in New York they say they waited online when we would say waited inline. What? Yeah, weird, right. Is that true? I believe so.

What are you talking about they were on a computer? What do they do on the computer? Are they in line on the computer? I've been waiting online at the post office for 14 hours. And what about... I've never heard that. Online. Mm-hmm.

Matt, you're wrong. I'm waiting online here. No. I think they still say inline. And what do they call inline roller skates? Yeah. And what do they color within when they're using a coloring book? In the lines or on the lines?

That's very confusing. It's a topsy-turvy world over there in the Big Apple. I think you're wrong. But anyway, keep reading. No, I think they're wrong. No, I think you're wrong. But keep reading. So walked off, parked his bike on the garage.

Lying down in a lot of time. Layed down, incredibly saw. My mom M-O-M. so it could be a New Yorker. My mom... New Yorker. My mom woke up. I should read in his accent.

I think it would be disrespectful. My mom woke up and had seen my boy. Oh, my boy. Mom. And I told her, I went too fast around a curve. What are you doing? And I hit the gravel and wimped down. Wipe out.

To this day, she has no idea what really happened. Don't worry. She doesn't listen to podcast, so the secret is still safe. Thanks again for all that you guys do. I love listening to the podcast. You don't anymore, do you? And have been through the back catalog at least three or four times now. Thank you so much, Nick.

That's a beautiful tale. Is it a beautiful tale? It's a child getting hit by a car, and then the car driving off. And then him lying to his mouth. It was a beautiful tale. He told the driver to drive off. That's a beautiful tale of an adult trusting a child. Yeah.

And treating that child with respect. I can't think of anything I didn't tell, Mom. I had a similar one. Maybe I don't know if I've told this story on here before, but it was Red Nose Day. Uh-huh. I don't know if you celebrate Red Nose Day. West Nose Day? Yeah, of course.

So, yeah, we, at primary school, we were getting ready for the big Red Nose Day performance. Uh-huh. And I was, I was playing the part of the king clown. Sure. And it was sort of like a talent show. Yep. But for some reason, there was the pretense that there was a king and queen clown. Yes.

And so we're on the stage facing the performers. And this is a dress rehearsal. And one of the four legs was hanging off the edge of the stage. And I went back and fell off the stage. And much like Nick, when people said, are you all right? I said, yep, yep, I'm fine. And I didn't tell anyone. that I was bleeding on my stomach.

I had a cut on my stomach area. And I didn't, you know, I just didn't tell anyone. So I just was in pain for a while for a few days, maybe that week. Did the show go on? The show went on. As it must. Yeah. Well, that was just a dress rehearsal.

So no audience or anything. Yeah. Or maybe is that not a dress rehearsal? And what I'm not a drama. Because that sounds like a very funny slapstick moment. They're like, that's why we made you the king clown. You are the king. He's really committed to the bed.

He's a methed clown. Yeah. A meth clown. A meth clown. Wow. And you never admitted that you were in pain. No. God, kids are dumb.

Yeah, well, I think it was the embarrassment. Yeah. I don't know why I didn't tell my parents. I'm sure they would have, you know, probably... Help you. Help me. Put some debt hole on it or something. Yeah.

Chuck some debt hole on there. Yeah. Dave, do you have anything you haven't told your parents? Uh, just when he, because he said he was sneaking out a few times. I just, you know, went out and, you know, snuck out of the house as friends. Did you? Did you? Did you?

Did you? Thank you. And the only one I can remember of, it certainly wasn't as, uh, as epic as being hit by a car. But I remember once we, I met up, I had a friend over then we met up with two other friends. And then we wanted to go to the pancake parlor because it's open 24 hours. You can go at any time. Where can you get a steak at 3 a.m. was the tagline. Great.

Even though they sold pancakes. Yeah, but you could get a steak there. You could get a steak at 3 a.m. It would be very funny if they didn't do steak. It was thinly sliced steak on a pancake. It's disgusting. Bruchetta. And we waved down...

It's still not frichetta. Yeah, gosh. Prachuto. Man, I get those too confused. I just remember we waved down a taxi, which is wild for Eltham. There'd never be any of them. And then we're like, take us to the pancake parlor. But we can only pay, you know, 35 bucks.

That's all we've got. And it got us about halfway there. And we're like, all right, I guess we're walking. the rest of the way to the pancake This feels like a teen movie Like the premise for a 35 bucks got you half of the way 35 bucks is a fair bit in the taxi

I'm making up the other than I know but like to get you half Yeah back then you're gonna have to walk away back And do you have any money now for the pancakes We've saved enough for the pancakes This is the only other thing I remember from that night is We actually waved it down from a service station The BBC service station And so it was me and my friend

And then two He's a guy and then two girls And as we're getting into the taxi, some slightly older teenage boys came out of the BP service station and said, hey ladies, why don't you come and hang out with some real men? Which is so funny looking back.

They're probably like 16, 17 years old. Some real men. I've got eight chest hairs. Oh, so good. I never thought about that. Hey, I was a real man. And did they? Absolutely not.

We went halfway to the pancake polo. Yeah. Like a real man would. That's right. That's beautiful. That's a beautiful tale. Right, that's the first thing that came to my mind that I've never told my parents and hello, dad, I know he sometimes listened to it. Yeah, I did just think of something that I didn't tell them.

Well, because my grandparents had a, like a beach house that we would, the whole extended family used all the time. And I was 18 or something and so because I could drive myself. And I was, I told my parents I was going down with a group of friends, but it was just me and my boyfriend. Whole group's going. There'll be so many people. There'll be, you know who's going. Linney will be there, all these trustworthy friends. I'm going to mac everyone there.

There'll be heaps of people, don't worry. We're going to mac on. Were you saying Mac? Yeah. Was that not in the lingo? No. You never macs anyone? I'm sure we macked.

And then do you come home and you're like, oh gosh, it was so fun. Linney was like tearing it up on the beach. You know what Linney's like. We just hung out, read some books. Very chill that weekend. Yeah, so relaxed all of us. All the whole. I think even in the visitor book, I wrote like Jess and Friends.

They had a visitor book. Yeah, yeah, it was cute. Loved the visitor book. And it was just the extended family that used it. So the visitor book was kind of pointless, but it was fun. Everybody always wrote in it and would be like, this is what we did. And you're an adult at this point. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But my boyfriend wasn't allowed to stay over at my house. But at your holiday house. At the holiday house. Yeah, on holiday, there's a lot less rule than holiday. So sorry, mum and dad. But also, you probably definitely knew that. Thank you so much for that question. Nick.

Next one comes from Ben Oliver, aka Archduke of Milk. Okay. That's great. And Archduke of milk. Oh, a short question here. Why are you also pretty good at everything? Okay, you haven't seen me try to drive a manual. I'm excellent.

Exactly. Whoa, whoa. Yeah, much better than pretty good. I don't know. Is that that the question? Yeah. Oh, oh, okay. Is he making fun of us?

No, I think, oh, maybe. It's pretty good. Why are you all pretty good at everything? No, I think that's, that's all right. Just a genuine question? I'd say that's quite true. Like, I'm a bit of a jack-of-or-trade. I'm not great at anything, you know, but I'm capable in a lot of things.

What am I great at? Exactly. Triple-J radio? Nah, again, I'm average. You're average. Like, I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm perfectly capable. As good as like the average person walking off the street.

No, as average as if you take all the Triple J presenters, average out skill level, I'm somewhere in the middle. Yeah, see, but the problem there is you're taking high achieving, very capable, radio people. Absolutely not true. Absolutely not true. Oh, you're saying the rest of the triple-D people aren't high achieving. No, no, I'm just saying they're just people. Right.

People who can press a button and talking to a microphone. You're doing that right now. But they've all been cast because of their skill level. So true. Because I once, you know, I applied to do a radio course and they knocked me back because of my voice. Yeah. I couldn't be in there. Was that a radio course that you were paying for?

Yeah. They're like, mate. It was curated. Keep your money. There was only a certain amount of spots. I wish that, yeah, it was funny that they gave me the reason of my voice. I'm like, well, I can't change that. You also talk for a living now.

So, yes, and there were wrong. No one else who ever did that course does that. So. Yeah. Absolutely. I would say, I don't, yeah. So, yeah, Jess, do you have a reason why you're pretty good at everything then? A reason?

Yeah, well, that's what he's asking. Genetics. My dad says the same thing about himself. Right. Jack of all trades. Yeah. Capable at just about everything. My God, I don't feel capable of nearly anything.

Okay, but like you got up the stairs today, didn't you? You drove a car here. Wow. You feed yourself. This is such a low bar. It totally is, though, because you're not amazing in anything. But pretty good. Yeah.

Pretty good at going up the stairs? Yeah. And honestly, I struggled because yesterday, I think I broke my third largest toe when I kicked a stool that was in a place where the stool was kept. Yeah. Wait, I thought he meant of both feet, so somehow his second biggest toe on one of his feet is slightly bigger than... And also my second favorite toe. Oh. Third largest, second favorite toe on the right foot.

Right, I'm so sorry. And I'm hobbling around. Yeah. Because I kicked a stool that was like, you know, in the core. corner of a room where it's a perfectly fine place to be. Yeah, it was a dumb thing to do. It wasn't a source fault. No, definitely my fault. Okay, I think you both just purposely misinterpreting what I'm trying to say in that

none of us are good at anything, but we're all fine. It's not all fine. It's pretty good. Yeah, what's that? What's the scale? I think pretty good's about fine, isn't it? And everything as well. I'm sure there's got to be, there's got to be plenty of things I'm not pretty good at.

I can't fold a piece of paper and half. Shutting my mouth. Yeah, Jesus. Christ. I'm not pretty good at that, for instance. I love the question though. Thanks so much, Ben. And I appreciate your support. Thanks, Ben. We're falling apart here. The next one comes from Angelo del Guducci or Gdaisi. Guducci. And Angelo is also the commander of the flying hellfish and offering us a fact writing, Hey, rowdy, Bop and Cobra.

Hey, normally only family calls me Rowdy. Fun fact incoming. Okay, Jess, it's fun. I will decide, yep. I know you guys love a good World War II badass and who doesn't love a good submarine-related fact? Well. In World War II, while being led by Commander Eugene B. Flukey...

What? You didn't be fluky. The USS Barb sunk 17 enemy vessels. I normally don't fact check, but this sounds like bullshit. Everything you said so far. Is that short for Barbara? Yeah, do they normally shorten names for submarines? No, Barbara.

So sunk 17 enemy vessels totaling 96,628 tons, including the Japanese aircraft carrier, Unyo. The Barb's list of accomplishments also contain rescuing 14 Australian and British Prisoner of War survivors on her 12th and final patrol, she landed a party of carefully selected crew members who stormed onto Japanese soil and rigged a bridge with train tracks to explode.

And rigged a bridge with train tracks to explode. Explosive train tracks. I thought they rigged the bridge with train tracks. They're like, this will get them. Hey? This is going to confuse them. They're like, well, those train tracks weren't there before. When the train finally came, it was edging.

Captain Fluky detonated Captain Fluky detonated the charges successfully destroying the train The USS Barb remains the first and only submarine To successfully sink a train in World War II That's pretty, I mean, I can't say, but I mean it's grim as well But I'd love to hear from Jess if That is pretty fun

And I confirm it's grim Finishes by saying Huge shout out of my brother Jerry For introducing me to the pod Love you, you big cunt Cheers. Jerry. I don't read him so I read him.

I can't be in control of that. Oh, come on. I mean, he said Jerry. Oh. Yeah, because we're sharing. Sorry, that's my nickname. Jerry. Jerry is the big...

The big C. The big C. Sorry about that, Jerry. I'm not. Can we bleep that in the edit who is editing? All right. William Nyson gives us the final one. Liam Nason.

Liam Will. Liam Neeson. Oh, yeah, William. William. I literally only put this together the other day that Liam is a shortening of William because Liam Neeson's name is William. I only put this together right now. I know.

Liam. Wow. I love the name Liam. William. Isn't that funny? Because it makes way more sense than so many shortening. Exactly. This also came up in my life in the last couple of weeks.

Yeah. Was it from looking out Liam Neeson because he was in Dairy Girls season three? He was in Dairy Girls. I got to watch that. I love that show. So, William Neeson, aka Senior VP of filling this slot so I can finish this survey, has offered a... I love that you're calling the survey. William is offering us a fact as well, writing, hello Matt Jess and Dave, a lot more formal than Angelo was.

Hello, Matt, Jess and Dave. Hope you're all well. Thought I'd reach out now because you recently mentioned my hometown of Minnetonka, Minnesota. Yes, I love it. I'm obsessed with that. My fun fact can be that Minnesota has lots of towns to begin with minne, because in the native Sioux language, that means water. Ah!

Minneapolis means sky blue waters, and Minnetonka means big waters. There are more Minatrista, Minnawashta, etc. But the point is made. Hope your North American tour can include Minnesota or Minneapolis. No, which is the state? Minnesota. He's just written MN. Right. I mean, don't trust me with that.

Don't you dare trust us with that. Because I think that one confused me more than any other. I have to say in my head, Minnesota or Minneapolis? No, Minnesota is the same Minneapolis. It is in fact called the Jewel of the Midwest for a reason. Don't know what that reason is. Thanks for everything that you guys do. William Neeson. Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

William Neesonka, because I'm just absolutely in love with it. But it says it's the home of Cargill, the country's largest, the United States' largest privately owned company. Oh. In terms of revenue. Wow. Bigger than Trump Tower? Even bigger.

If it were a public company, it would rank as of 2015 number 15 on the Fortune 5th. It's huge. That's big, I suppose. Not that I understand. Then I'm reading. Google? But I mean, or a lot of those companies just offshore to avoid tax? Well, no, they're public companies we can buy shares.

I see what you're saying. When you said public, I'm like, how big are they, like, publicly owned things over there? Yeah. Anyway. Geez, how big is their PTV? I'm also looking up. New York wait online and gramophobia comes up with. Why do New Yorkers stand, quote, online?

You are correct, sir. Thank you. Why would you, why would you look that? up and validate what you say. I'm doing it because we're going to get lots of people. We still are because it's been like 20 minutes. They've already tweeted and now they're going to hear this and be like, oh, well, I've already tweeted it.

Yes, I hope you reply to your tweet with an apology. And I will say accepted. And I will say not accepted. Thank you so much those fat quota questions. We, yeah, we love these. So if you want to get involved, the Sydney-Schonberg level is where you want to head to. The next thing we like to do is shout out to a few of our other great supporters who are on the arse prod level or above. And yeah, so normally Jess comes up with a game based on the topic.

What do you think in this week, Papa? It's a tough one on an episode like this, isn't it? I can't think of any other jokes or riffs we had throughout. Yeah, I guess we had reptiles and birds. We could give them one of those. Could give them a reptile or a bird? Yeah, we could give them a new orifice. A new orifice?

Yeah. Give them all cloisters? Do you think we've got nine new orifices in us? No, I don't think we do. We could give them, we could give them a sex move. Okay. Like the cloaca kiss. Yeah, that's brilliant.

That's fantastic. But we do not, and I'm saying, we do not need to explain what it is. Yeah, that's fantastic. Okay. So you just say the name of it. Say the name of it. Rest is imagination. That's right.

That's fantastic. Fantastic. Hey, before we get into that, these Patreon people are, they are on the list of people that will receive a do-go-one Christmas card this year. If you sign up to our Patreon at that level or above the shout-out level or above, you can also be on that list, but you have to do it by the end of this month, which there's only a few days left. Yeah, we encourage you to get involved at patreon.com slash do-go-on pot. If you want us to send you a Christmas card anywhere in the world, we're getting onto it early this year. Hopefully, most places in the world will get it before Christmas. No guarantees.

Yeah, but you know, most of you will get it sometime pending your local postage service. Yeah. If your local person is a prick who steals mail, that's not our fault. Yeah, a Newman type. Yeah, waiting online somewhere. So if I may kick us off, I'd love to thank from Hawker in the Australian Capital Territory. It's Claire O'Leary. The bleary O'Leary.

Oh, the bleary O'Leary. I mean, I know we can't ask about it, but we can't. can imagine about it. Wow. Just can't control our thoughts. Can't do it. Not yet. You can do anything up here.

The Leary O'Leary. I'd love to also thank from Brompton in South Australia, Emma Pringle. Oh, it's a good name. Or the can. Oh, the can. Just the can. Once you pop, you can't stop.

I was going to do some sort of pop you can't stop. But the can is good. But I think both are true. When you're doing the can, once you're putting it can stop. That's all you're doing forever from now. in the can. It's that good. It's life-changing. I love both. Clara Leary, Emma Pringle, fantastic names. From Nari Warren South in Victoria, geez, it's all been Aussie so far.

I'd love to thank Catherine. Catherine. The ringer-ding-dinger. Ooh. One of my personal fame. Really? No. Oh, okay.

Sorry, Catherine, just didn't mean that about you. No, not about you. She wasn't saying you're not one of her favorites. Again, not yuck and a yum. Not yuck and a yum. Yeah, that's right. May I also thank some people? That would make my heart sing.

I would love to thank from location unknown, so we can only assume deep within the fortress of the malls. Laura Robinson. Oh, here's to you, Laura Robinson. What about the lemon head? The lemon head. Hey. That's good stuff.

You do you. A little sour but effective. It's effective. Sour but tasty. I would also love to thank from Palmer in Ohio Oh God's country itself Carl Deadenbach Oh, the back to front

Oh yeah, the back to front Back to spell BACH like dead and back Yeah the bark to front The bark to front Would you like to do the bark to front? Of course It's really beautiful And finally for me I would love to thank

From Flipwick in Great Britain Oh well hello I'm from Flitwick. Come on down to Flitwick. Oh, run the Flitwick fishing chippy shop. Come and get some chippies. You want a chip buttie? Come on down a flitwick.

And that is a spot on impression of Lindsay Olds. Oh, yeah, Dave, what's the Lindsay Olds manoeuvre? What about the fish and or chip? You'd be the fish, I'll be the chip. Or the other way around. Seagull's invited. It's fun for the. the whole everyone.

I'm going to say family, that's weird. That is weird. It's fun for all consenting adults involved. However many that is, that's up to you. Yeah. Hey, I would like to thank our staying, no, we're not staying.

We're staying in a UK standing place. I saw London. Then I saw it. It is also from Ohio, London, Ohio. Man, I love how Ohio has gotten behind this podcast. I loved Ohio anyway. It does feel like an inordinate amount of,

inordinate amount of people. from that state, right? We appreciate your support so much. It might be that thing. There's a certain psychological thing. Genesecla. A certain Genesecla. Where if you're looking for something or you're are conscious of it, then you'll see it everywhere.

But yeah, I do. Man, I love Ohioans. Yeah. And this one we love particularly is Jessica Peters. The JPEC. The JPEC. The JPEC scoop and sprinkle. Oh.

My imagination. The legend is running wild. I'm thinking Peter's ice cream. Sure, but the scoop makes me actually think of like scooping dog shit. Oh. In my head it was scoop and ice cream. Yeah. And hundreds and thousands of the top.

Yeah, sprinkles, yeah. That sounds messy, but delicious. JP's scoop and sprinkle. Special occasions. Yeah, we'll put a mat down. Bring things back home now from Croydon here in Victoria, Montana Donato. Oh, that's a good name. That is a freaking good name.

I'm my brain feel nice. Oh, say it again. Montana Donato. Oh, that is nice. The Donato potato. It's why you feel it a little lazy. You're rolling into a bowl. I mean, potentially.

I'm just not explaining it. That's what I'm picturing. Thanks, Montana Donato. Fantastic. And finally, I would like to thank from Suffolk, from Barry St. Edmonds. Barry St. Edmunds. In Great Britain.

In Suffolk. In Suffolk. And we should remind people that Matt and I are about to head over to the UK for two and a half weeks. From November 8 to November 20, you can see us in Glasgow, Leads, Manchester, Bristol, Birmingham and London. And this is a loving impersonation, a loving spot on impersonation. I wonder if we'll be visiting in Berrison Edmonds, Nell Hall. Nell Hall. What a great name.

Yeah, Barry St. Edmonds. There's got to be something with berry. Berry cinnamon's. The saint up to its neck. The saint up to its neck? Yeah. Barry deep. The saint up to its neck.

So sexy. Is that like in Playboy's top 20 sex moves? The berries. Saint up to it. No, it's just saint up to its neck. I love it. Sight up to its neck. Like, hey baby, do you want to come over for a...

I know it sounds bad, but it's so good. It's the Sutton. We're doing a Sutton saying up to its neck. Thank you so much to Nell, Montana, Jessica, Lindsay, Carl, Laura, Catherine, Emma and Claire. And the last thing we like to do on the show is welcome a few people into the Triptitch Club. Bit of the mind here. We've set up a club that you get life membership to if you are on the shoutout level or above for three straight years. And in this club, you've got access all areas.

Jess, just describe how you see this club. I view it as a cool airport lounge. So there's a bar, there's food, there's a variety of seating options, couches, more straight up seats for eating, and then also some even more loungy ones. Yes. We've got bean bags, we've got everything you could possibly want. At the back, there are beautiful.

state-of-the-art bathrooms, showers. You know, like just totally freshen up, enjoy his little sleeping pods. We've got a dance floor. We've got everything you could possibly want. There's no VIP area. It's all VIP area. Because everyone in there is a VIP. Correct.

Very important, Perkins. Official, it's official, is it? Does everyone get like a little badge saying that or something? The Perkins family? No. You just know. They've got an aura. Perkins is?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm all meant people entering the club But sure, sure, sure But I had just said very important Perkins And then you said, oh, it's official, do people get a batch? So like what, how did you change back to, anyway, so there's food, drink options

This time I am serving everything in glass, duck vaginas. Oh, fantastic. Pretty cool. That is actually, that is so beautiful and classy. Really classy. Are we using like corkscrew straws? Yes, absolutely, yeah.

So you can get. Your drink. You can get right in there. Get right in there. Get right in there. In the bottom bits. Did you know, I saw this on Twitter this week that they, in America, they think of wine bottles that don't have a cork as being shitty cheap wines. I like, but nearly all wines have screw tops, but that's only in Australia apparently.

Yeah. It's like a sign of it being a crappy wine over there. Feels like they're from the past. That's how people used to talk 20 years ago here. I love being ahead of America. Feels good They wait online They drink

Corks You battle with a corkscrew To get to your wine Just crack that Just crack that lid Baby It's easy All right

So are we ready to induct We've also got a musician Dropping by Oh of course Sorry Not another Performing on this very stage tonight One of my favourite artists

It is none another Than Craig David Is dropping by Craig David The Craig David. Get the fuck out. He's walking away from his other life. He's hitting the stage.

Wow. What's his flavour? Tell me. What's his flavour. What a guy. He's around our age. I think he's about, he's only about 40 now, I believe. Oh, is he?

I thought he was younger. He's 41. But his first album came out in the year 2000. Jesus Christ. So he was very young. Wow. And his album, Born to Do It. Oh, yeah.

That's appropriate. That is very sexy. that is hot all right all right are we ready yep so the way it works is I'm standing at the door

I read out the names they're welcomed in Dave's on the stage emceeing he's pumping it up he's pumping you up he's ready to do it who's born to do it

and my memory can't ever go back 13 seconds and so he's going to hype you up once you enter and Jess is hyping Dave up because he needs a little bit of a juzh which is what I call

when I squeeze Dave's butt in a supportive manner Drush it up. Nothing creepy. Yeah, inflate it. All right. Firstly, from Glenroy in Victoria. Please welcome in Beck Taylor.

Check, please. More like Beck, please. Yes. From Toronto in Canada, it's Emma Hargrave. Oh, Toronto. Oh, no, you didn't. No, Toronto, you didn't. There it is.

It's Emma Hargrave. Yes, yes, yes. This is also a workshop. Woo! Just said the... Oh, Toronto, you didn't. See, if I'd done that... Yeah, you did, which you did eventually.

You got there. Yes. Toronto you did in Emma Hargraves. From Rosebud in Victoria, Australia, it's Ashling Maron. It's Ashling Maron. Moreon. Am I right? Bap, B'all.

Dollar Bills, y'all. Yeah, money guns going off. From Dronfield in Great Britain, it's Chris Wigg. Chris Wigg. Chris Wigg, here he is. More like Chris Big. Big guy. Mr. Wigg, big the big.

Big energy. Also, for, he is. from Rosebud in Victoria. It's a, somehow it's again, it's Ashling Maron. What have I done? Like, Ashley Maron. Woo! My system is flawless.

Is there a possibility, is it different Ashley Maron from Rosebub? That'd be crazy. I've mucked that up, I'm pretty sure. No, you have it. Woo. Could be two Ashling Monroe's. And finally, please welcome in from Oak Creek in, I reckon Wisconsin in the United states, Eidie Coon.

Eidooon. I was feeling needy coon, but now I've got Edy Coon. Yes, you're all I needy. You're all I needy, Eighty, yeah. Welcome in, Edy, Chris, Ashling, Emma and Beck, make yourselves at home. Grab one of our multiple chairs. So many. Wow, grab it.

Grab it. It's yours. Take a seat. Oh, you can take your chair home with you. You can't leave. You can't leave. You take your chair home to your new home, which is the bar. Just find a spot.

In the bucket of the stool's in the corners. Oh my God, you will break a toe. Third largest. Second favorite. That brings us to the end of the episode. Jess, what do we need to tell people before we go? That, if they would like to suggest a topic, they can do so at do go onpod.com. That is our website.

That's where you'll also find merch information about live shows. You can look at all our previous episodes and... Look at them. Just look. Look at him there. There's a list. There's heaps of them. And yeah, you can suggest a topic.

You can find us at Digger 1 Pod across all social media. And we love you. And remember to wash your butt. And Dave, beat his baby home. Hey, we'll be back next week with another Blockbuster No Blow Vemba special. But until then, I'll say thank you so much for listening and goodbye. Bye. No BluVemba sounds like you're taking the month off.

Bye. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester. We were just in Manchester. But this way you'll never miss out. And don't forget to sign up, go to our Instagram, click our link tree.

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